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luboy7rt · 7 months ago

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How Team GHOST Would React To You Being Brainwashed (Headcanons) (GN reader) (Elias, Hesh, Logan, Merrick, Keegan and Kick and Riley)

(Note: This is just what I (My headcanons), enjoy reading!)(Could be seen as Platonic, Romantic?)

(Reader is in the infirmary after the Federation brainwashed you, after months of not seeing you, how would characters react to you being so different)

Elias Walker:

- Elias went silent as he sat in your infirmary room, his arms crossed firmly. Elias is a hit.. saddened, he knew Rorke before he got brainwashed.. he never wanted it to happen to someone he knew so well, someone he cherished.

- Elias stares into your dull eyes as he sat next to you, his jaw subtly clenched as he would force himself to give you a reassuring smile.

- Elias would talk, talk a lot despite the fact he never talked much, he would catch you up on everything and anything, telling you stories about the memories You have shared together that you might have been brainwashed to forget.

- Elias would simply spend time with you, your body chained down due to your Brainwashed state, but.. Elias wasn't able to ‘get over’ it, like he did with Rorke, He wasn't able to not visit you. He had a chance to help you, he was willing to spend his time doing so. He never got the chance to help Rorke, he regretted not trying more to save the man in the past… But the past was the past and you were his future, you were more important and the current, he decided to focus on the present.

- Elias would pull up your covers if you weren't able to or didn't/couldn't move due to your brainwashed state. Elias would personally care for you, and when he couldn't he ensured it was a trusted friend, teammate or medic to care for you.

- Elias would give you headpats, he gently murmurs when you flinch back due to the trauma you have experienced by being Brainwashed and tortured by the Federation. Elias would respect your space but also wants to gently get used to his touch again.

- He would read You stories, his voice is great for it. (If you are his child, or if he raised you it's because he wants to remember the good times… and make you remember that he's here. or He would hum a soft song he hummed to you when you were very young or maybe humming a song Ms Walker would always hum before she passed) Elias would even read out loud or hum gently even if you are sleeping, he saves the stories about Team Ghosts and stories about you, or the others for when you are awake and ‘listening’.

- Elias would be there for physical therapy, every moment, whenever you needed help but couldn't voice it. Elias would be there, and he gets really good at just guessing what you needed.

- Elias wants to be the first person you see in the day, not a medic, despite the fact he knows you have false memories, or your memories were messed with, he wanted that trust you once had for him, he wants you to understand you were safe with him.

- Elias gives you a forehead kiss when he arrives to your side and one before he leaves, just to make a habit form so you can expect affection from him or if you're not that close he would pat your head instead.

David ‘Hesh’ Walker:

- Hesh falls asleep on the infirmary bed next to you every night, emotionally exhausted as you were the first experience of someone he knew so well being brainwashed. Hesh would refuse to leave your side, willing to stay put until he knows you are aware again.

- He does cry when he gets frustrated, knowing you were in pain, knowing he couldn't help.. knowing your memories were messed with, he tries to hide it, but his hand is tightly holding yours. He's on his knees by your infirmary bed, his face buried into the mattress as he murmurs ‘I got you’, ‘you'll be alright’ multiple times over and over again.

- Hesh tries to encourage you, to get up.. to move about a tiny bit.. to strengthen your limbs once again. Hesh takes you walking around the base when you are mentally aware enough to not attack him or others.

- His hands gently clasped around yours, after days of ‘waiting’ for something.. anything from you. Hesh began speaking to you, rambling on about any topic he could think of. Trying to comfort you so he talks about any topic that you had brought up to him before you went missing, it could be about a hobby you were telling him about or a story, or anything. He remembers, and will remember for you until you could hold onto the memories again.

- Hesh usually re-does your bandages, ensuring your wounds are disinfected and bandaged in clean bandages. He asked a medic to show him the ‘right way’, (he knew how to do this already, but asked the medic anyway to ensure he did it right). Hesh does this so you can get used to his touch once again, he flinches when you flinch at his touch because he isn't used to you flinching because of him.

- Hesh sneaks in your favorite snacks for you, despite the fact you weren't supposed to eat it, but he did sneak it in for a bed-time snack, trying to coax you with your favorite snack, so maybe it would trigger the memories of all the nice times you both have shared over snacks.

- He watches movies with you, Hesh didn't really care he was uncomfortably curled up in the chair next to your infirmary bed, ends up with Riley on his lap so you three could watch movies together while you recover.

- He tends to get frustrated and cry, but only a tiny bit, a few tears slipping from his eyes when he watches you, his heart hurt for you. Of course, he has seen a lot in his time as a soldier, he lost many friends, but he hadn't ‘lost’ someone like this before. He wanted to protect You but he couldn't figure out how.

Logan Walker:

- Logan didn't react much physically to the news you were back at base, back in the infirmary. He was told what had happened to you.. But he didn't visit at first, letting the rest of the Ghosts members visit you.

- He did visit at night though, when there wasn't supposed to be visitors, he snuck in. Silently sitting on the edge of your infirmary back, staring back at your dull eyes. At first he was surprised you were awake but he simply sat there.. so you wouldn't have to be alone again.

- Logan would stay the whole night, tapping your arm.. He ignored if you flinched, he understood what happened to those who have been brainwashed by the Federation. He tries to respect your space, doing just soft taps to let you know he was there every once in a while.

- Logan formed a habit to spend every night in your infirmary room, as if he was ‘guarding’ it for you. Ensuring no one came in, no matter how many times Elias tells him to allow you to sleep.. He does, but he's going to be around while you do.

- Logan simply wants to protect you, ensuring the Federation couldn't get you again, even though there is a slim chance of anyone getting into HQ, he likes to think it eases your mind, even if you couldn't or didn't voice it.

- He'd sit there for hours, moving to sit next to you.. sometimes he would lay his head on your forearm, to sleep near you. Sometimes he would shift his head onto your chest to simply hear your heartbeat to ensure you were alive.

- Mentally Logan is breaking down, unable to handle the fact you were no longer the you he knew well. Not taking well to the fact your memories were messed with, so he tries to make you remember, using the rare photos he has of you and the team to try and show you.

Keegan P. Russ:

- Keegan broke in the moment he got word of your return, scaring all the medics as he kicked down the door (he didn't have to, it was unlocked, but he didn't realize It) as he stormed in. He would say your name, as he walked over to you. He sorta aggressively grabbed your shirt, to check your now bandaged wounds, just simply checking you over himself to just see you were alright, his gloved hands firmly checking over each of your now bandaged wounds.

- After a bit, he would grumble and sigh as grab the chair to the side, dragging it, the noise being loud, if you flinch he would place his hand on over your collarbones as if to keep you down, murmuring a soft shush as he did so.

- His hand would hold yours, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles as he would ensure no one else was around before being a bit affectionate with you. “You better be fuckin’ alright” Keegan would mutter under his breath.

- His hand stays firmly on your body, your chest, your arm. Your hand, he doesn’t care if you're brainwashed, he silently cares that you're alive. He’s willing to put up with you, he didn’t need you to remember (despite the fact, that he silently wishes for you to), he just needs you to be aware he’s there. Silently holding you, protecting you. He won’t admit it out loud, but all his actions while being around you are to protect you from further harm.

- He stays with you for a few hours every day. Leaving for missions when he needs to but he always usually returns to your side to inform you about his day. Aggressively challenges you, pissing you off with his snide comments, riling you up to do something.. anything. That's all he wanted, to get you back to your usual self.

- He would.. be a bit more patient than usual, sighing as he settles in the chair next to you. Ends up with his legs kicked up on your bed, his hand tightly holding yours, murmuring insults under his breath at the world.

- He would end up putting your favorite shows on, informing you of anything you couldn't remember, he knows it all. You're favorite character, favorite moment, anything you question about yourself, he probably knows it.

- He plays music too, any music you like. As if trying to subconsciously make you remember anything. He would mutter the lyrics under his breath, having learned any songs you used to like in the time you weren't around.

- His hand rests on your chest, feeling your heartbeat. He silently counts along to it, to ensure you were alive, well, and your heartbeat was beating at a decent pace.

- Keegan was willing to get you revenge as well, working his body to its limits on every mission to get rid of any Federation soldier in his path, he cared for his teammates a lot, and knowing what you went through, he would make them regret it

- Keegan is angry, angry at the world, the Federation.. Maybe a bit at you, despite knowing it was stupid. It wasn’t your fault you were captured, maybe he was also angry at himself, but he simply kept that anger for himself and any Federation soldiers he comes across in the future.

Thomas A. Merrick

- Merrick is surprisingly gentle, his hand resting on your shoulder as he sits on the chair next to your infirmary bed. He shifted the binders of work he needed to do on the floor by his seat as he checks up on you.

- He tends to just quietly work by your side. It was a win-win for him, he gets to stay by your side while also finishing up on work. Sometimes he would talk when you are awake. Sometimes just telling you about things you had missed while gone for the months you were tortured and brainwashed.

- He would also apologize for all that you went through, he feels bad. He understands he couldn't control what happened but he regretted not moving fast enough to save you.

- Merrick would check up on you as well, checking your bandages, it's not that he didn't trust the medics, he did. But he felt like sometimes he just had to see for himself you were okay.

- He would be there, he would call himself stupid if he wasn't, he liked just talking to you, it reminded him of what your relationship was like before you were brainwashed.. or just talking to you. He didn't need you to speak back if you didn't feel like it, or couldn't.

- He would take you on walks, leading the way, or showing you around HQ again, even if you couldn't remember the way around. Merrick gladly will show you around, as many times as you need. He would also remind you of funny stories, and explain where it took place to try and get you to remember.

- Merrick is saddened and pissed off, but he understands, he couldn’t be sad forever. Yes, he will grieve the past version of you that he knew very well. But he simply kept that quiet and helped you recover. Merrick knew he would like the you, you are despite you being brainwashed, and he will continue to support you through it all. But on the field? Suddenly he gets more scary, yelling a lot more, and aggressively taking out Federation soldiers.

Kick:

- Kick is there, by your side while he has a break in his work, his hand firmly holding your forearm as if to ensure he doesn't ‘lose’ you again. He doesn't talk the first few days of your return, he glances away when your dull eyes meet his.

- He would also pick up one of your hobbies, even if you forgot all about it, if it was a video game, he would play the game and remind you all about it, what you liked, which characters you liked, show you your account and make his own. If you liked drawing, he would attempt to get into it. Basically just picks up any hobbies you had, to try and re-teach you, wanting to see the passion/love you had for it return.

- He’s a bit overbearing, wanting to see everything, every injury, every one who enters your room, he just wants to ensure you are okay.

- He uses a military drone to ‘entertain’ you, even if you don't react much and just watch, he's happy, talking you through his own hobbies for hours at a time. He just is trying to spend time with you, he almost lost you, and he wouldn't take his time for granted anymore.

- His hand is usually resting on you, your shoulder, forearm, knee anywhere you feel comfortable with.

- He would sometimes tell you about his day, or something stupid Logan and Hesh have done as of late.

- He would sneak in food, whatever you liked before getting brainwashed, he would cook it himself for you, the cost doesn't matter, if you liked it, he buys or cooks it. Leaves a note that he did indeed bring you food for the medics incase they needed to know but he does it before he leaves so the he doesn't have to face the medics.

- He also brings you your stuff, things you liked or like to do, will bring you books, papers, yarn anything really you want or can do.

- He frowns when you don't react to the things he brings, as he sees you don't have the passion for any thing you used to like. He doesn't like seeing you.. Brainwashed, doesn't like that you don't respond, and only respond to orders. He will be here while you heal, understanding you would never be the same person he once knew.

- He tries to hype you up, oh you sat up for the first time since getting back? He's hyping you up, you talk for the first time since being tortured, you got this! He's hyping you up every step of the way on your journey to heal.

- He’ll do something stupid just to see you smile, he would make Logan and Hesh do something stupider to just see you smile, encourages stupid shit to Logan and Hesh, saying that yeah.. that would make you smile. But ends up just laughing at the two, and using them as his own amusement while ensuring he would be by your side the whole time.

Riley: (Honorary Dog mention)

- Riley is sat by the side of your bed when he isn't with Hesh, firmly sat there to protect You.

- Barks for medics when you ‘need’ it, swiftly learns that when your hand brushes against his tail, he needs to bark loudly for a medic to check up on you.

- He waits for you to be ‘better’ so he could get you to play fetch with him, but for now.. until you heal, he is willing to wait by your side.

- After a few months of your healing journey, Riley sets up to lay on the bottom of your bed instead of on the floor.. flops his head by your handcuffed hand so you can pet him.

- Riley is very loyal, staying put for hours at a time, when he wakes up, his eyes glance at you. To ensure you were alive, awake, and aware. If you sleep too long he chomps (lightly) on your hand to wake you up.. if you don't, Riley goes running off to the first Ghosts member he could find to drag them over to you.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for not taking her meds?

My (24M) girlfriend (28F) has bipolar and BPD. We've been together coming up on 3 years now. For the last half a year we were together it was pretty rough and turbulent, she was unmedicated and was having suicidal breakdowns almost every day, ended up in hospital several times, threatened and got into physical altercations with other girls who spoke to me or she thought were flirting with me, and I was spending almost every single day of my life having to take hours to talk her down from suicide or self-harm. It was emotionally exhausting and as someone who's also had suicide attempts in the past it was also incredibly triggering and damaging to my own mental health.

For additional context as to why I feel the way I do, my last girlfriend also had diagnosed BPD and NPD and when she stopped taking her medication she became fully abusive both physically and verbally and it took me a year of being absolutely beaten down to finally snap and leave her.

(Obvious note: I'm not saying everyone with bipolar, BPD, or NPD is abusive or that these illnesses inherently make you abusive. They were an abuser who just happened to have those things, and that played into how they acted and thought/felt.)

Current girlfriend eventually got medication and has been doing much better for most of the time since then. When she's on her meds she's a wonderful and generally pretty healthy partner - she's supportive, understanding of my boundaries, checks in with me, she's a year clean from self-harm, hasn't displayed any kind of self-destructive behaviour. She's gotten a job and managed to hold it down (got fired from several jobs in the past because of her daily meltdowns meaning she wasn't attending work), she's started exercising and going to the gym, she's picked up new hobbies, made new friends, she's just been doing great in general.

For about the past month though, she started going days without taking her medication and when I reminded her she would say she didn't want to, that she hated taking it, that she doesn't like the way it makes her feel etc. This is something my last girlfriend said too, and I know it's really common for people with BPD (and maybe bipolar too?) to stop taking their medication because they feel emotionally flat in comparison to how they feel off of the meds. I pretty much said that I couldn't handle going back to how she acts when she's off of the medication again and that if she was going to stop taking them then I didn't think our relationship would last through that kind of period again because last time it completely destroyed my mental health, my sleep, my life and several of my relationships due to how much energy and time I was having to put into her vs. myself and everything else. I suggested asking her doctor/psychiatrist/etc. for another dosage change or meds switch again to see if that would work better (though up until recently they have seemed to be working great so I'm not sure how good of an idea switching it up again would be).

She agreed at the time but I was kind of concerned about whether she'd been keeping up with it or not because over the last few weeks I've already noticed things devolving again - her screaming at me out of nowhere and having mood swings, intense jealousy and possessiveness, impulsive behaviour, even a couple of breakdowns again and having to talk her out of self-harm for the first time in over a year. True enough, today I found out she's been pretending to take her medication and throwing them out. When I confronted her about it she admitted she hasn't taken her medication for weeks.

I pretty much withdrew after that and didn't say anything at that moment but after a while she asked me why I was being so quiet and I basically repeated what I'd said to her in the last conversation, that I was honestly rethinking whether or not the relationship would work because I can't handle that kind of emotional exhaustion and constant sacrifice all over again. I don't mind some emotional support and some labour of love in a relationship because of course I'm going to need to look out for her mental health and reassure and comfort sometimes, that's the reality of loving someone who struggles, but I can't do it 24/7 again. I can't once again put talking her down for hours every day and weathering screaming and violent lashing out all the time at the expense of even my own basic needs and my own mental health struggles (for example my c-PTSD from my last relationship).

When I said that she got very very upset and basically said I was forcing her to choose between me and freedom or being able to live a normal/unmedicated life (which I mean, I guess I can't argue with because in a way I am making her choose between me and stopping her meds), and that I couldn't control her like that. I told her I wasn't doing it to control her and that if she's really determined to go off of them she could, but that I would have to make my own personal choice to walk away as a result of it for my own sake.

She said she'd think about it but ever since that conversation I've been going back and forth in my head on how much of a dick move it would be to flat out just do a black-and-white "Either you stay on your meds and regulate your behaviour or I leave"

TL;DR Girlfriend wants to go off of her medication, but when she's off her meds she has almost daily suicidal breakdowns and lashes out at me physically and verbally. WIBTA if I broke up with her if she goes ahead with stopping?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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weixuldo · 11 months ago

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Allow me// ch 14

Vader x Reader

a/n: so sorry for the delayyy rahhh i’ve been traveling for the holidays!! i’ve been cranking stuff out tho so dw!!! i’ve been working on enigma, allow me, and line cook ani pt 2 heheh also unconditionally epilogue// also words in font like this means vader is using the force to speak- not his normal voice

How much longer will it be before you hear from Lord Vader again? is he safe? is he alright?

warnings: cursing, angst, harm, medical procedures, cannon typical violence

_____________________

After what seemed like days of stumbling around fighting off any enemy he came against, Vader finally obtained a ship. It wasn’t much, but at least he was able to jump start it. As soon as he got the engine going- he set in coordinates for Hoth.

He was absolutely exhausted in every way someone could be; mentally, physically, emotionally… Not only did his broken body ache, but his mind raced with thoughts of what his master would do next if he were to defy him. Would he really be replaced?

As he flew the small ship towards the icy system, the failure of his suit became increasingly evident. After using so much energy and power from the force to fend off bounty hunters and fight opponents (all while his suit was damaged and with makeshift limbs), he was so completely exhausted that he could barely stay conscious as he drifted through space.

The flesh parts of his legs throbbed uncomfortably- the makeshift prosthetics weren't made to cushion his walk so he was putting too much pressure on his poor stumps. He desperately wanted to put the ship on auto pilot but sadly, it did not have that feature.

So he begrudgingly adjusted himself in the pilot seat and desperately tried to stay awake.

___________________________________

Your anxiety was through the roof the past few days; not only had you heard nothing from Vader or when he would return, but the Emperor seemed as if he were observing you much more closely now.

Thankfully you had finished your main tasks for the day and retired to your quarters earlier than normal (not that that really meant anything special. You were still just going to overthink).

You laid down and observed the same ceiling you had been looking at for months, only this time you were worried about Vader.

You pleaded with the force that he was ok and would return safely. You would rejoice once you knew he was safe and finally with you again. Would he feel the same about you?

____________________________________

The sight of his docked ship took an enormous weight off of Vader’s chest; he was back. He would no longer have to wonder how he’d get back or have to worry about conserving his energy.

He landed the ship as best as he could, but it was a rough landing; he had to opt for a landing in the snow. Once the ship was powered off, he slowly pulled himself out of the cockpit.

The freezing temperatures of the frigid planet whipped at his exposed skin and made his metal joints creaky. He was shutting down. His legs were barely able to hold his weight anymore- he was completely drained.

Even though he wanted so desperately to call to you through the force, he just couldn’t muster the energy.

Before he knew it, his world went black and he was left lying, face down, in the thick layers of snow.

Thankfully some stormtroopers saw his bumpy landing and came to check out the commotion. Without them he would not have made it back.

“Uhhh- You might wanna take a look at this” one of the white armor clad men said to the other.

“Lord Vader?!”

“Yea…. we should probably get him inside” another chimed in.

“Right away! We need to get him to the med chamber”

_______________________________________

You had taken a stroll around the living quarters to try to get your mind off of things (it wasn’t working), sadly everything in the damn ship just screamed Vader- it was his ship, after all.

As you walked the halls, a large group of troopers marched down the hall opposite to you.

They seemed rushed- their matters must have been important.

You thought nothing of it initially (There was always some drill or task they were running around to complete), but you froze when you heard it.

“Lord Vader is back”

“Really? Where is he?” a second asked.

“We’re pretty sure he's in the med bay- probably being checked for wounds” the first added.

You didn’t need to hear anymore, before you were off.

You rushed to the med bay where he was being held for assessment by the medical droids and Vanee.

You punched in the security code and swiped your card quicker than you ever had before and breathlessly entered the dark room.

You didn’t expect to see a pillar of light in the middle of the pitch black room; once your eyes adjusted you realized the pillar was actually a large bacta tank… with a limbless figure strung up in the middle, a sight you had never seen.

As you squinted you realized you recognized that face- it was Vader in there.

Was he injured so badly as to lose the rest of his limbs? No- you looked closer and his amputations seemed to be old wounds- you knew he had some prosthetics, but you didn’t realize he had lost all of them.

He floated in the healing liquid, only suspended by a black harness. The slight movement of the water softly carried his body up and down.

You observed more and noticed how muscular he was, his shoulders were just as broad even outside the suit. As much as you wanted to linger your gaze on his body, you felt that it was not the time to marvel at his impressive physique.

You began to walk forward to get a better look at his injuries when a pale faced man ran at you; “Get out! Do not dare disturb the Lord as he heals!” the elder screamed at you, which caused Vader to weakly open an eye.

Once he saw that it was you he panicked for a moment- he didn’t want you to see him like this… he wasn’t ready.

Surely you were frightened of him now, surely you couldn’t hold him in the same regard as you did before.

A look of worry found itself onto your face as you saw Vader’s scared face, but soon the pale man started getting violent with you.

He pulled, pushed, and even began to scratch you with his long nails but you wouldn’t budge, you needed to make sure Vader was ok.

Vanee, Stop.

What was that?

The pale man ceased his attack and stepped aside, “but my lord, she is-”

Let her be and leave us.

Vader was speaking through the force.

Vanee nodded and scurried out of the dark room.

Once it was just you and Vader left, you walked towards the glass tube and rested your palms against the cool surface.

“V? Are you going to be ok?” you asked with a small voice.

I will be, i’m so sorry

both of his eyes were open now.

“Sorry for what V?” What was he talking about?

I didn’t want you to see me like this

You were no medic so all you could offer Vader was your company and support as he endured a painful recovery process.

“Oh, Vader… please do not worry about that- I want you to focus on healing” you said softly as you pressed a gentle hand on the glass of the tank.

You felt a warm sensation wash over you and embraced the familiar force signature of the Sith; he was connecting with you the only way he could.

Thank you

_____________________________

You stayed by Vader’s side until he was done with his soak; the two of you were silent for the most part- for you it was just comforting to be in his presence once more.

Near the end he opened up about the past few days in small bits (you probably wouldn’t ever get the full story).

He briefly explained why his master sought to punish him and to you, it was an impossibly stupid reason.

You were disgusted by the Emperor- he tortured Vader for teaming with someone he thought fit to be an ally. Then Palpatine went so far as to destroy Vader’s prosthetics and dump him back onto the shores that once scarred him all those years ago.

If Vader weren’t as strong as he is… he surely would have died.

Palpatine is a cruel man.

W-would you help me lie down?

“I would rather you help me than the droids,” he admitted in his modulated voice.

You nodded and walked closer to the glass.

“Press that button and lift that switch” he guided you towards an operating panel that would drain his tank.

Once you had that done you went to search for some towels to dry him off with. He was left hanging from his harness with an embarrassed feeling.

The glass tube retreated below the floor and he was gently lowered to the platform; you laid a soft towel down and had another in your hands as you received his tired body.

You guided his body into your lap and held him in your arms once he was finally released from the suspending cords that attached to the harness around his torso.

He was so light in your arms compared to what you had expected; he was muscular, but the more you thought about it, he only had a torso, a head, and four stumps.

He allowed you to assist him to the steel examination table in the next room over. You could tell he was ashamed of his body and inability to do basic tasks in his state, but you quietly reminded him that you only wanted to help.

“Would you like me to unbuckle your harness? Or do you just want to keep it on, I assume you’ll be going back in the tank soon” You offered softly.

To your surprise, he shook his head- “No, my master won't allow me to soak again today until much later. Are you sure you would be comfortable touching… me?” He added the last part in pity.

You scowled at his master’s instructions, but your eyes softened when you answered him, “Vader, I have pledged myself to you, have I not?”.

“Y-yes?” he replied softly.

“Then you have nothing to worry about- You have nothing to be ashamed of,” you said.

Your words seemed to relax him slightly and he exhaled shakily before shutting his eyes.

You stayed by his calming him, helping apply cooling creams to his new burns, and helping him with the oxygen mask.

It hurt to see the one you loved in such a crestfallen state, but at least he was alive.

Once he was a bit more stable he spoke again.

“thank you, proceed”.

The ends of his limbs had metal ports that looked warped; to your best knowledge they must have been welded to another type of metal and then had to be cut off.

You jumped a little when you saw Vader begin to move his scarred legs from you; he refused to meet your gaze.

“It’s alright- I’m just examining your ports- I may be able to design new ones for you since these ones definitely won’t be able to connect to your new legs” you said in an attempt to quell his worries.

His eyes relaxed and he began to blink slowly again.

Thank you

He was speaking through the force again; his energy must have been depleting.

“No need to thank me V. I would do anything for you” you smiled softly before leaning in to kiss his temple.

_______________________

You worked on crafting new ports for Vader’s prosthetics to attach as he rested; you offered to leave and work in the workshop, but he insisted (more like begged) you to stay with him.

You had the transport droid he gifted you, bringing up the materials and your toolkit so you could start working as you sat with him.

Though, Vader did sense the surrounding area first to make sure Palpatine wouldn’t make a surprise visit- having you in his chambers would not be a good scene for the emperor to see.

You knew if Palpatine was so cruel as to make Vader relive his past trauma and suffering, he would definitely have no problems involving you in a nefarious scheme to get Vader to react in a certain way. It was beyond fucked up.

Soon you had finished his arm’s ports and walked over to the bed you laid him on.

His eyes were closed and a few tubes carrying nutrients and oxygen peeked from under the covers you placed over him.

You could hear his damaged throat rasping with every breath he took; you wanted nothing more than to take all of his pain away.

This was the longest you had ever seen him out of his suit and the only time you had ever seen his whole body.

He was covered head to thigh in poorly healed scars and new burns from his most recent brush with the unforgiving lava planet.

His chest and back had a few unnatural ports for his suit to connect his life support to, but other than that he was flesh (except for his organs, of course).

But sadly you would have to wake him from his slumber soon since he was supposed to be back to his duties in two days ...The Emperor heartlessly expected an impossibly speedy recovery- obviously that was just an outrageous request, but Vader couldn’t protest.

You knew the wounds that littered his face had been “healed” for years, but as you went to brush his forehead you hesitated.

Should you be touching him without his permission?

Seeing him outside of his suit seemed like you were gazing upon something sacred. Something you shouldn't.

Gently you placed a gentle hand on his cheek and waited for him to open his eyes. You bit your lip before placing your other hand on his other cheek.

“Vader,” you whispered.

Still nothing.

Slowly and carefully, you leaned down to place a tender kiss on his scarred forehead- that woke him up.

His yellow eyes opened abruptly-but when he felt it was you, he closed them once more. The next time he opened them, his eyes were the cerulean blue you had been chasing since the first time you saw them.

He let his guard down when he was with you.

You smiled at the man and gave him another peck. You pressurized the chamber so that he could be without the uncomfortable mask.

Gently you lifted his head and took the hard device off of his face.

“Vader, I have your arm ports and arms ready for you- The arm’s are just temporary, but I assumed you’d rather have some for now instead of none at all,” you explained softly.

He gave you a long blink to indicate his agreement before his brow bone furrowed and looked towards the cold table that stood in the harsh lighting only a few feet away.

“We do have to go there so that the doids can remove your warped ports” you said solemnly.

You knew he hated procedures, but he also knew they were a necessity. His chest rose and fell before he indicated he was ready.

“I could carry you over- or I can get the transpor-”

“Transport” his voice rang through the force.

You figured so.

He wasn’t quite comfortable being that vulnerable and you could understand that. You nodded, started up the pod, and left the room so he could complete the transfer in peace.

You felt the vibrations when he called for your return and promptly entered once more.

Vader was now lying uncomfortably on the sterile silver table; only his boxers covered his lower half. You stepped into the light and took out the tools that would be used to remove his broken ports.

This too had two options; you could take them off of him quicker than a droid could, but then you would be the one causing him pain- or it could take longer and hurt more, but a droid would be doing it.

Vader also knew this and could sense your dilemma.

You.

You sucked in a breath- you really didn’t want to do this, but it would cause him less pain (even if it didn’t seem to).

You shakily nodded and picked up the instrument that would be used to pry off his damaged port.

The process was simple, use a small beam to cut around the port to loosen it up and then use an instrument to pry the warped metal off.

The beam would be painful without numbing medicine (which Palpatine removed all of…), so Vader would have to endure the pain full throttle. Once again you cursed the pale man.

Thankfully you had a spur of the moment idea- you called for a small droid to collect some snow and ice from the banks of Hoth (where you were still stationed).

Vader looked at you curiously.

“There’s no numbing cream here and I don’t want you to feel the sting so I’m going to numb your arm with ice water”.

His eyes widened and he managed a small smile, “Thank you”

You nodded, “Of course, but it will be uncomfortable to put your arm in the water” you explained to which he simply nodded.

Once the droid returned and you prepared the ice bath, you helped Vader to the edge of the table so that you could submerge his stump.

“On three; one, two, three…” you counted before pushing his warped ligament into the freezing water.

His body lurched and he gasped as the frigid sensation coarse through his arm. You bit your lip to steady yourself, his arm needed to stay completely submerged for the numbing to work.

“I’m sorry V” you said as his muscles twitched all over his scarred body.

Soon time was up and you quickly pulled out his arm, dried it off, and grabbed the precision laser. You put on some goggles and began to outline the end of his stump. As you rounded the port you could smell a mix of heated metal and flesh.

Even so often you glanced up to see his face, thankfully he really had no reaction and nothing in his force signature indicated pain- your method was working.

The port was completely cut and you began to pry it off. You hated the feeling of his skin being used as leverage to pull his cybernetic part off.

Once the metallic connector was off, his stump was simply irritated, scarred flesh with screw slots to hold his ports in place.

His stump was warm to the touch so you decided to cool him in water once more (just to be safe).

In only a few more minutes his new port was secured and you helped put his temporary prosthetic on.

He tested the limb with great relief.

“Was that ok?” you asked worriedly.

He nodded and caressed your cheek with his new arm; to which you leaned over the table to kiss him.

________________________

You finished up the other arm before you stopped for the day- he didn’t really need his legs done until tomorrow and you weren’t going to be able to do those since they were literally welded into his flesh from how close he was to the lava.

So once you cleaned everything up, and got him back into bed, you took your seat once more. Your eyes felt heavy as you sat back in the stiff chair; just as you were drifting off to sleep you heard a weak voice.

Was that Vader?

No- it wasn’t the normal modulated voice you had come to love, but it also wasn’t the familiar voice of his force signature.

“W-wil you…”

There it was again! You promptly rose to your feet and surveyed the dark room.

“Who’s there?” you demanded.

Soon you felt a weak pull towards Vader’s bed… it was him- it was his voice.

You knelt by his bedside and took a metallic hand in yours. Never had he sounded so weak.

His vocal chords were completely damaged, he could barely speak above a whisper, and it sounded painful to speak.

“P-please..” he attempted before a coughing fit attacked him.

You brushed his face and cooed, “shh-shh, Don’t speak- I’m right here. It’s ok”.

He swallowed with great effort before conveying his request, “Lie with m-me… Please-”.

“Are you sure, I don’t wanna worsen your injuries-”

He shook his head and beckoned you once more. Looking at his desperate face, how could you refuse. Carefully you lifted the covers and entered the bed with caution; once you were under the covers he quickly pulled you closer to him, making you gasp.

Once the shock wore off, you relaxed in his arms and began to drift off.

_________________________

Vader’s burns stung with every movement, but nothing could stop him from hugging you close.

He wanted nothing more than to stay with you like this forever.

He was exhausted, but somehow having you here kept him invigorated.

He found himself pressing his scarred lips to your temple as you dozed off in his mechanical arms. Once you were fast asleep, he couldn’t pull his gaze away from your beautiful face.

Maker… What were you doing to him?

He was falling in love-

No, he was in love.

Everything about you lit up his world; your smile, your sweet voice, your soft touch, your intelligence, your passion… just you.

He could imagine a future where you and him ruled the galaxy, side by side.

One where the two of you left everything behind and completely started over.

Either way he knew he would be happy because he knew that as long as he was with you, everything would be alright.

***

a/n: i love love love whump :) as u can see hahah- i hope this chapter was good and sorry again for the delay 😭 thanks for the support:)

taglist: @vadersassistant @sxoulohvn @khaleesihavilliard @kashasenpai @darling-murdock @beautifulbearpolice @salvatoresister1 @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @blueninjablade3 @jujuba096 @missmannequin @jellydodger @mirastark @wyvernthekriger r @duckyhowls @monada43 @lauriidoesstuff @vienettacream @ray-rook @itswhatever06 @ilovenielperry

#darth vader #darth vader x reader #anakin x reader #vader #sw darth vader #anakin #star wars #darth vader fic #star wars x reader #anakin x you #darth vader fanfic #vader fanfic #vader star wars #darth vader x y/n #star wars darth vader #darth vader x you #allow me

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silvervioletvalentine · 2 years ago

Text

❣️forever isn’t long enough❣️

Pairing: Charles leclerc X Cherrie!

Word count: 7.4K

Summary: in which Cherrie is stubborn and refuses to admit that she loves him. So Charles bullies it out of her.

Or basically just two idiots in love bullying each other into confessing

As Cherrie walked into the room where the team would be filming a question and answer live video as a welcome back for the new season , she was immediately met with the narrowed eyes of a concerned charles and a amused smirk from Sebastian as they both sat waiting for her arrival on the red couch.

She gave them both a small, sheepish smile along with a tiny wave.

Knowing for a fact that she should have arrived here more than an hour ago but she had been too busy stopping off to get a hot chocolate from her local cafe to care.

Waving around politely to the exasperated crew who were more than used to her constant tardiness , she took a sip from the cup in her hand as she slowly walked over to the couch, looking at the small space that they had left between them knowing that they expected her to squeeze her ass between them while they man spread and took over all the space left.

Charles was looking up at her with a frown , more than a little bit annoyed by how this was the first time he had been able to see her and actually speak to her in over two months .

Cherrie knew that he wasn't very impressed with her sudden disappearance over the holidays , having turned off her phone and refused to tell anyone where she was going or what her plans for the holiday were.

But she just needed some time and some space on her own after a emotionally rocky year for her . She needed time to recoup her thoughts and be able to get back up in the morning without crying over every single thing .

She was utterly exhausted. Both physically and mentally the year has taken its toll on her.

Between the loss of points and not being able to win as many races as she had hoped to do, as well as the growing tension between herself and Charles , late nights and risky mornings in hotel rooms and hasty goodbyes before he could even try to convince her to stay .

It had been difficult because Cherrie didn't know what to do with these new , overwhelming feelings that sunk her stomach and tightened her chest whenever they were alone together .

She wasn't used to someone being kind to her just because they wanted to and not because they wanted something out of her .

She wasn't used to the sweet looks and shy smiles that always lit up Charles face whenever she was near by.

She didn't know how to handle the soft touches and tender gaze, doesn't know how to cope with the way he looked at her like she was something special , as though she was something to be adored.

She wasn't used to it. She wasn't a soft and gentle woman who could just hold someone hands and kiss them so softly that it felt like the world had come to a stand still just for the two of them.

She couldn’t name hardly any of the people she had slept with in the past. But she could remember each person that she had held hands with. Because there was only two.

She was used to rough touches and messy kisses in the back of a car and careless fucks in somebody else's bed .

She didn't stay for anyone , didn't know how to be someone that somebody wanted , unable to fathom the thought that she was something more than fuckable. That she was more than a good time and a quick distraction .

She didn't like the way her feelings and the way he touched her and looked at her made her feel so vulnerable.

She wasn't a weak girl who caved into every man that as even so much as glanced at her twice. She didn't laugh at someone's jokes even when they weren't funny just to make them smile.

She didn't hold someone in her arms without saying a word after having another bad race .

She didn't open up to people, she didn't show them how she felt through her fingertips and with her tongue . She didn't let anybody in.

But she had with Charles. She had done everything with him that she told herself over and over again that she would never do.

She was there to race , not to fall in love . But this time her own feelings were out of her control and it had scared her.

It had scared her to see the way he always clung onto her after a long night together, the plea for her to stay going unspoken but Charles didn't need to beg or tell her what he was feeling. Because she could see it in his eyes how much he wanted her and how much he didn't want to let go.

So she had only mindlessly nodded along when her teammate had talked about travelling during the holidays . Had only smiled briefly when he looked hopefully at her and whispered that she should come along too. That she would love his family and they would love her. That he could show her all the places she had never been.

And when Charles had been packing his bags to go back home for the holidays , Cherrie had done the same thing.

She had left his bed without a word and without leaving a single trace of her herself behind. She had turned off her frantically buzzing phone with incoming calls and confused texts from Charles asking her where she was and why she had left so quickly .

She kept her phone off for two whole months, she didn't speak to any of the other drivers who had become such good friends.

She forgot about her feelings for a while and got the hell away before she could have a mental breakdown over the way she could no longer control her own life .

For so long she had been in control. She had a routine and barely did it ever change. She liked things to be simple and easy.

And the way she had so suddenly craved to be in Charles presence wasn't simple. It was scary and it was overwhelming and the last time she had felt something even remotely close to the way he was making her feel, she had ended up running away too.

Because feelings weren't for everybody.

She wasn't a happy go lucky person who could embrace friends and tell them she loved them. She couldn't be soft and gentle , that just wasn't her.

She was blunt . She was hard headed and driven by success. She didn't have time or the energy for blinding feelings .

Until Charles came along and wrecked away all of her walls like it was nothing.

It was just too much and the overwhelming urge to run away had taken over any rational thoughts about just telling him how she felt. Knowing deep down in her mind that Charles would understand , that he would be patience and kind. That he would help her though it.

Because he was a good guy and Cherrie had seen the way he had been looking at her since they were teenagers .

Even when she was a teenager who barely glanced his way, he had always followed her around like she was something special , as though just being near her calmed him down .

She had seen the way he smiled at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Had noticed the little things he did without even saying a thing , just wanting to make her life a little easier.

Like the way he always carried a packet of candy in his bag because he knew that she got moody when she didn't have anything sugary.

It was the way he carried two water bottles and silently handed her one after each race , having put diluted orange juice in it after learning how much she struggled to drink water on its own.

It was the way he pulled out her chair at dinner and the way he didn't start eating until she did.

It was the way that he waited around for her to be done with press and her briefings after each race , just to drive her home while her car was in the garage getting repaired.

It was the way he silently handed her flowers after dnf'ing. The way he would just put in a movie and caress his fingers through her hair till she fell asleep after a difficult day at the track.

It was the way he stayed sober while she got drunk with their friends , just so he could look after her and take her home safely .

It was the way he held her hair and rubbed at her back while she regretted ever drinking in the first place , laughing softly at the way she would promise that she was never drinking again only to get plastered the following weekend and repeat the messy process .

It was the way that he looked for her in a crowded room.

The way he always asked the other drivers where she was when he couldn't see her, leaving to find her, not wanting to be in a group if she wasn't there with him.

It was the way he called her own father to let him know that Cherrie was okay after a particularly nasty crash. The way he stayed by her side with tears in his eyes , refusing to leave her until he saw that she was fit and healthy with his own two eyes.

It was the way he learned to cook new things that she liked after she told him that she was going vegan.

His phone filled with vegan recipes and his kitchen a mess of strange ingredients as he stayed up all night to make her a plant based macaroni after seeing her pout over their friends getting the cheesy goodness during dinner while she was stuck eating a salad.

It was the way he way he always helped correct her English when she got a word wrong or struggled to translate what she meant, not as fluent in English as their friends . He would simply whisper to her the right way of saying what she meant and give her a proud little smile when she remembered it the next time she spoke.

It was all these little things that Charles did that made her stomach turn into a whole damn zoo and made her unable to even think straight.

Because nobody told you that falling in love could feel like a never ending panic attack, heart racing in your chest when they smiled. Throat running dry whenever they said your name.

It scared her . So she left without a single word, despite the guilt that took over her chest as she told herself over and over again that he wouldn't care. That they weren't together . He wasn't her boyfriend and she wasn't his girlfriend .

They were just friendly teammates who slept together sometimes. (All the time).

It was okay. She was okay. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charles blurted out before he could even think to remember that they weren't alone and that he was supposed to be sounding like a teammate and not a upset lover.

Seb smirked behind his hand as he rubbed at chin in amusement , having been listening to Charles rant to him about how worried and stressed he was about Cherrie suddenly going off the radar for two fucking months.

He thought it was funny how obvious it was that Charles was in love with her while Cherrie acted as detached and emotionally constipated as usual.

Cherrie glanced down at her drink as she hesitantly squeezed between the two drivers on the couch, fighting back a wince as her bare leg brushed up against Charles's thigh who has turned in his seat to stare her down . With an unimpressed look on his handsome face .

"I got a hot chocolate on my way. I was also gonna stop for a breakfast too but-" she knew that he wasn't talking about where she had been just that morning yet she still tried to play innocent .

Charles narrowed his eyes at her , shaking his head in frustration. "That's not what I meant and you know it! I'm talking about you going M.I.A over the holidays and no one being able to get hold of you!" He couldn't help but snap.

Having spent the whole time worried out of his mind only for his concern to quickly turn to anger when paparazzi pictures of her lounging on a yacht and at the beach came out.

Those pictures of her casually drinking in the sun were the only way he knew that she wasn't dead.

Cherrie kept her eyes down to her drink stubbornly , knowing that one look at his pretty face would have her defences crumbling down again. The same walls she had spent the last two months rebuilding , telling herself that she didn't need anybody but herself.

That was a lie and she knew it. But she had always believed in faking it till it came true so...

Acting oblivious to Charles's and her own feelings would have to do.

"I was on holiday. I didn't want to talk to anyone." She simply muttered , glancing over beside her at Sebastian who was casually listening into her excuses with a knowing look on his face, raising his eyebrow at her disapprovingly .

She looked back down at her drink quickly .

Charles frowned , feeling hurt and it showed in his voice as he continued to look down at the woman he adored so much, the one woman that he would willingly get down on his knees and beg to be with, just wanting her to give them a chance to be something beautiful.

"Not even me? You just left without even saying goodbye . That wasn't very nice." He muttered to her quietly .

Cautious of the camera crew setting up the finishing touches in front of them, their media manager motioning for them to straighten up and get ready to start.

Cherrie pushed down any guilt and simply sighed, leaning back against the couch to get comfortable rubbing at her aching head. Still slightly hungover from the amount of wine she had drank on the plane back to Monaco.

She had always been a stress drinker . Now was no different. But no amount of alcohol could take away the nerves she felt at being beside Charles again.

"I was late for my plane. You were still sleeping and I didn't want to wake you.." didn't want to give you the chance to convince me to stay . Is what she meant.

Charles huffed at her stubbornness , knowing her far too well to believe her bullshit excuses for leaving.

"You should have woken me! Do you know how worried I've been?" He gave her shoulder a nudge with his own , trying to get her to look at him so he could look into her pretty eyes and see what she was thinking .

Cherrie just shook her head at him, plastering a smile on her face as the man handed some cards to read off, counting down from three as the camera trained on them clearly.

"Sorry. But you had nothing to be worried about. I just needed a break away from everything." She muttered before smiling at the camera brightly , giving a small wave and ignoring Charles pouting beside her.

Seb smiled at them as he made the introduction and got the video rolling . Glancing down at the cards with a small laugh as he spoke up.

"So the first question is for you Charles.." he said to him , hiding his grin as he watched Charles quickly snap his eyes away from where he had been gazing at Cherrie , clearing his throat and smiling a little awkwardly to him.

Charles nodded at him to go on while Cherrie just drained the last of her hot chocolate and placed the empty cup at her feet.

"Where do you see yourself in the future?" Sebastian asked him , reading off the card.

Charles smiled and answered easily "a world champion definitely.. hopefully.." he laughed a little before looking at Cherrie again who was smiling at his answer.

He hesitated for a moment before deciding to say fuck it.

She may not like talking or acknowledging her feelings but he did and if she refused to listen to him in private then he would make her understand publicly instead. Knowing that she couldn't run away from him this time, not while the cameras were still rolling .

So he said "and I see myself still in love, maybe married and with my own little family too. That would be nice." Glancing pointedly at Cherrie who had frozen up next to him.

Giving him a small cautious glance , frowning a little at the way her heart sped up at his answeR.

Surely he didn't mean her..? No. He can't be because Cherrie wasn't the kind of girl that was someone wanted forever .

She was too much work and not wife material at all, surely not ...

Sebastian smirked knowingly at them, amused at the way Cherrie was still stubbornly refusing to look at Charles even though he was glaring a hole into the side of her face with his challenging stare.

"You'd be a good husband and father. I can imagine you having cute kids." He mused as he picked another card up ready.

Charles smiled bashfully at his compliment and nodded his head, fiddling with the mood ring on his finger that Cherrie had gotten him when they were still teenagers .

Giving it to him with a shy mumble on Valentine's Day after he had made her a giant card in the shape of a heart alongside a teddy bear with roses in its hand.

Her dad had made her get Charles a gift too, while Cherrie had just blushed bright red the whole time, hardly able to look anyone in the eye as she shoved the ring and a poorly made card in his direction with an embarrassed scowl on her face.

So not much had changed really. Charles was still hopelessly in love with her and feelings still made Cherrie want to throw up and disappear forever.

"Yeah, they'd be cute . With little curls and big blue eyes , a little button nose and freckles.." he listed off all the features that Cherrie had without any shame, knowing exactly who was going to be his future baby mama if he had his own way.

Cherrie sunk further into the couch with a flush, swallowing dryly . Utterly mortified by how obvious he was being.

She almost had a panic attack right there and then. He wanted them to be together?! Get married?! Have kids?!

She could barely even hold his hand in the privacy of their own room!

"Dieu, ça ne peut pas m'arriver." She muttered beneath her breath in embarrassment.

(God , this can't be happening to me)

Sebastian just laughed and moved onto the next question before she melted into a puddle of red beside him .

"Cherrie this one is for you.." he grinned at the flustered girl next to him in pure amusement .

"What's your favourite thing to do in the off time?" He asked her .

She picked at her nails boredly, looking down at the bright red colour as she thought about it.

Before humming and giving a little shrug "I like to go on little adventures with my friends. See new islands and try new things.." she told them honestly , smiling a little as she thought about her most recent trip.

"-but mostly I just enjoy reconnecting with friends and having fun . Getting some drinks and messing around."

Sebastian looked at her curiously "where did you go this time? I saw pictures of you on a yacht but I don't know where. No one really knew where you were." He said.

Charles having been the one to show him the recent photos of her with a scowl on his face as he complained about her ignoring him.

Cherrie glanced over at Charles to see him waiting for her to tell them exactly what she had been doing after ditching him in his bed, raising a judgmental eyebrow at her when she hesitated to answer.

Before finally giving in and telling them quietly “I went to Brazil and met up with neymar. He was having this big yacht party the whole weekend. Then we just traveled around after that. We spent some time in Italy and Spain and even went to England as well. It was fun." She muttered with slight smile.

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , frowning in disbelief .

"Neymar? As in the footballer? The guy you used to date?" He felt his stomach turn at the thought of the two of them getting back together while he sat back in the sidelines with a broken heart again. Unable to do a single thing but watch in misery as she dated a guy that wasn't him .

Cherrie frowned back at him, finally looking at him again. Chewing on the Inside of her cheek nervously when she saw the annoyed look he was giving her , fingers tapping against his knee impatiently as he waited for her to explain herself.

Cherrie groaned in annoyance, not liking the hurt puppy look he was aiming her way.

Fucking hell. She thought in misery. Why does he have to have such a gorgeous face?

How was she supposed to act unbothered by him when just the sight of his puppy eyes had her stomach turning into a whole Damn zoo!

"We never dated... seriously. We're just really good friends." She mumbled flustered by his heavy stare.

Wondering what happened to the shy stammering Charles that used to go bright red and speechless whenever she used to simply just look at him.

It felt like they had swapped roles. She was usually the confident and intense one out of the two of them.

I mean, for heavens sake! The first time that they had sex Charles had thanked her for it!

And then he had proceeded to politely ask her if she would like do it again sometime with a blush on his face while Cherrie had just been panting up at the ceiling in pure disbelief . Muttering a amused ‘sure. Same time tomorrow?’ To him fondly.

Charles scoffed at her , pursing his lips unhappily. "That's not true .. I once watched the two of you eat each others faces at an after party . You were more than friendly." He reminded her bitterly .

Cherrie just rolled her eyes, huffing a little at the way he was calling her out on her lie right in front of the cameras too!

Gritting her teeth as she sent him a small glare , getting a pointed look in return. Daring her to deny it.

"We- we were just having fun. We really are friends now! You're telling me that you've never fucked around with some of your friends when you were younger?!" She defensively threw back at him .

Sebastian was grinning beside them, looking into the camera with a arch of his brow like he was in an episode of the office.

Charles pulled a face at her , rapidly shaking his head no. "I haven't! You can't call someone your friend if you're sucking their dick Cherrie!" He exclaimed as a jab towards her past relationships and the one that she also had with him.

Unable to believe the way she could give him the most mind blowing sex of his life and them tell people that they were 'just friends' as if she didn't just have his dick in her mouth ten minutes ago!

He had to give her credit though, she was a really fantastic bullshitter! And if there was an award for being in denial of her feelings , she would win without any hesitation!

Sebastian's eyes widened as he saw the stare down between the two of them, laughing a little as he gave Charles a look to behave himself , already used to them bickering like little kids since they were , well, kids!

Gently pulling Cherrie by the shoulder to lean back again once he noticed the way she looked ready to lay into him, both of them forgetting that they were being recorded live to the whole World.

"Okay! Next question I think!" He exclaimed with a amused smirk , clearly loving the drama .

"Favourite food?" He asked them trying to clear the sudden tension between them a little.

Cherrie looked away from Charles and back at Sebastian again. Humming softly in thought .

"Probably stir fry. But If we're talking desert then there's this cafe near my apartment that does these beautiful vegan cupcakes and honestly you can't even tell the difference . They're amazing." She gushed , almost drooling just thinking about them.

Charles, momentarily forgetting his jealously and anger for a second, smiled at her in amusement .

"Is that the one you dragged me too last time?" At her nod , he laughed in agreement.

“Yeah they were good! We have a tradition of swapping deserts if we win a race. When she won last time I tried to make a replica of the cupcakes she loves but it didn't turn out so good.." he told Sebastian , smiling at the memory.

Cherrie giggled a little and patted his thigh comfortingly without even thinking , so used to their easy touches and messing around even when they were arguing .

Her dad had once been stood with his mouth wide open in disbelief when he witnessed her and Charles had arguing with each other nastily , snapping at each other even though they had been laid on the couch together with his arm around her shoulders and her own arm around his back.

Cuddling while arguing . Her dad couldn’t believe it!

She grinned at him in amusement "you did good! I told you that they weren't that bad! Just a little ...burnt." She tried to make him feeling better about it just like she had done back then.

Giggling to herself as she recalled the way a pouty Charles had shown up at her door with a loud sigh of defeat as he sheepishly held up a tray of burnt cupcakes to her, looking like he was going to cry.

She had kissed his pout away and scoffed down those burnt cupcakes like they weren't making her teeth hurt with each bite, not wanting him to be sad.

Charles squinted just eyes at her , still not believing her lie.

Sighing loudly as he leant his body back against the couch, nudging his shoulder against hers affectionately.

"You went to the dentist the next day!" He whined laughing despite himself and his shitty baking.

Cherrie grinned cheekily "for a checkup!"

"Yeah right!" He rolled his eyes at her playfully , pulling at her one of her curls with his fingers .

Sebastian laughed at them and asked them another question "have you ever been in love?" That question wasn't even on the card but Sebastian had a plan for the two in love idiots in front of him.

Knowing that Charles wouldn't have any hesitation in admitting his feelings to the world , maybe it was the push that Cherrie would need.

Cherrie laughed a little and shook her head no . "I'm not the kind of girl that guys fall in love with easily. I'm okay for a short time but not for a long time. I'm not girlfriend material.." she muttered her thoughts out loud.

Only to flinch a little in shock when Charles let out the loudest scoff ever, eyes blown wide in disbelief as he gaped at her like she had frown an extra head right in front of him.

"You're kidding right? You've got to be joking!" He almost shouted in shock, speechless at how oblivious she was acting.

Did she really think that his feelings for her were nothing more than 'casual'? Did she really not know that she was in his every thought? That she was his first thought in the morning and his last wish at night?

She drove him crazy and she didn't even know it!

Cherrie looked at him with small frown, stomach turning at the familiar way he was looking at her.

Nervously fiddling with the fray edges of her denim shorts , clearing her throat a little nervously .

"I mean- I just mean that I'm not a girl that guys take home to meet their mother. As soon as they get to know me properly it's like... nope, not a forever thing! And definitely don't love me after that!" She laughed a little depressingly at herself, truly believing that she was only loveable when the sun went down.

Charles tried not to shake her shoulders and scream at her.

Instead he took in a deep , calming breath to gather his patience. Reminding himself that it wasn't her fault she was so emotionally stunted. That she didn't know that someone loved her until it was spoken directly to her face with no way of her misunderstanding.

Charles realised then that perhaps never telling her directly how he felt was a giant mistake on his part .

He had hoped that his actions would speak for him, that she would feel his love and understand how gone for her he was.

But apparently not. Apparently she was blind!

"I know you and I think you're amazing. You're the most lovable woman in the world! Everybody wants to either be you or be with you! Surely you can't believe that?!" He exclaimed in shock by her stubbornness to give in and let herself be loved.

Cherrie flushed darkly and frowned at him a little , trying to not throw up from the way the butterflies wouldn't stop flapping their wings rapidly in her chest.

Barely able to hold eye contact with him, seeing the way Charles was looking at her with a face full of disbelief and frustration .

She huffed, feeling uncomfortable talking about her feelings and love in general.

"That's not the same thing. I mean, I'm just not good with feelings and I'd be a terrible girlfriend-"

Charles let out another loud scoff , placing his head in his hands and trying not to scream.

Sebastian was grinning behind his knuckles as he tried not to laugh at the two idiots in love in front of him. Charles looking like he was going to burst if she denied his love one more time.

"How can you know that If you don't try it?! I didn't know I liked spaghetti until I ate it!" He almost shouted at her in frustration.

Referring to the way Cherrie had told him that he didn't want her as a girlfriend, that he wouldn't like it if they became serious.

The same old bullshit excuses but Charles had enough of her lying to herself.

He was leaving here with her as his girlfriend whether she liked it or not , he was done with her denial. Enough was enough!

Cherrie scowled at him, oblivious to the team

Behind the cameras who were watching them argue in absolute confusion. Having absolutely no idea what was going on.

"What has spaghetti got to do with love?!"

"I'm not talking about the spaghetti itself! I'm talking about having to try things to know you like them! If you don't give the guy a chance then how can you know that it won't work out?! You don't!" Charles snapped back at her with wide eyes.

Cherrie rolled her eyes at him dramatically "it's the same way that you want to do anal but won't let yourself be pegged! It's a bit hypocritical isn't it?! To want to do something to someone else but not letting them do it to you?!" She shouted back at him, completely having lost sense of what they were even arguing about now.

Sebastian was giggling behind the cards, having the time of his life watching them shout at each other like stubborn children . Cherrie refusing to admit that she was wrong.

Charles blinked at her in disbelief, mouth dropping open in shock. Wondering how they went from spaghetti, to chances and then to anal within a second.

"Well you'd only do anal with somebody you trusted wouldn't you? Like a boyfriend! And I never said I wouldn’t try anything! But if I was going to do it I'd want it to be with someone i loved , someone that i could call a girlfriend!" He flung his hands up into the air dramatically , easily matching her energy like usual .

Cherrie huffed loudly , glaring back at him. "That's not the point! I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend! I'm happy as I am thank you!" She snapped back at him.

Charles pulled a face of disbelief at her "why not? You're happy having sex with me , nothing would have to change except me being able to call you my girlfriend!" The gasps of shock from the crew didn't even reach his ears as he openly told the whole world that they were sleeping together without any shame.

Sebastian gasped a laugh. Wiggling his eyebrows at the camera as he sat back and happily Enjoyed the show in front of him.

Cherrie gasped sharply and smacked his arm, hard. Flushing bright red. "Everything would change! You want to marry me and have kids with me! That's not casual at all! That’s A lot different than just sex!" She exclaimed stubbornly . Not giving in .

Charles rolled his eyes at her , shoving her shoulder in response .

The two of them starting to shove at eachothers sides like naughty children as they bickered on live video stream.

"Maybe a little bit but you'd get used to it! It would just be nice to hold your hand in public and tell you I love you without you freaking out! I know you love me too! I'm not blind or stupid!" He pushed her head with his hand , almost pushing her into Sebastian's lap.

She immediately pushed him back, kicking him as well as she huffed and puffed at him angrily.

"I don't love you!" She shouted, clearly lying.

Charles scoffed at her loudly "yes you do! I heard you whisper it to me once when you thought I was sleeping!" He admitted to her shamelessly.

Cherrie gasped , hitting his arm again. "You were pretending to be asleep?!" She was mortified "see! I don't want to date a liar! You just heard me wrong!" She lied .

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , unable to believing that she was still lying like this.

Talk about denial!

"Sure! What did you say then?!" He challenged her knowing exactly what he heard that night .

Cherrie hesitated before looking away from him stubbornly . "I said - I said I love you but like- in a platonic way-" she flushed, stammering .

Even Sebastian rose a brow at her in disbelief . Giggling to himself at how stubborn she was .

Charles wanted to throttle her. "Oh stop it! We could have been married happily by now If you'd just stop being so fucking stubborn!-"

She looked at him with a scowl , heart racing in her chest nervously.

"je ne veux pas t'épouser ! Ce n'est pas parce que je t'aime que je veux être à toi ! je suis ma propre personne! Je décide avec qui je veux être !" She snapped at him, shuffling away from him like a child.

(i don't want to marry you! just because i love you doesn't mean i wanna be yours! i am my own person! i decide who i want to be with!)

Charles just shuffled along with her , throwing his arm over her shoulder and ducking his head down to meet her pissed off gaze.

A slight amused smile tugging at his lips as he looked at her seriously .

"voir! tu m'aimes ! et je t'aime!" He muttered to her , gently stroking her hair away from her face so he could see her flushed cheeks better.

The anger flowing away from him just like that as he admired how beautiful she was, even when she was trying to break his heart into pieces .

(See! You do love me! And I love you!)

Unfortunately for Cherrie, Charles was just as determined and stubborn as she was. And he knew that they belonged Together. No one else's hand fit between his own as perfectly as hers did.

She was the one. He knew it. Ever since they were kids and she threw a football at his head and told him that it was a girls only team.

Only to pick him a daisy and whisper to him that they could play together in her garden later when the rest of the girls she had been trying to impress were gone.

He loved her then and ten years later he still loved her now. Nothing had changed at all.

Cherrie glanced down at the soft smile he was giving her, her walls quickly crumbling down as she felt his thumb gently run back and forth across the back of her neck soothingly . Looking at her like she was his whole world.

She sniffed , fidgeting with her necklace . The same heart shaped locket that Charles had given her on a random Monday afternoon just to see her smile.

It had two pictures inside. One of them as kids, stood side by side with little Charles kissing her cheek. And another picture of them as adults, also stood side by side on the podium as they grinned up at each other with nothing but pure happiness on their faces .

She loved him. And he loved her. He always had.

Would it really be so bad to give him a chance? He made her happy.. so why was she making herself unhappy by denying his love for so long?

Who else was going to deal with her craziness and stubbornness like he did?

Who else would dare to look her in the eye and tell her to stop being so stupid? To get her to admit that she was wrong .

He was the only one that she thought of when being asked of what her future held.

She saw herself winning more races. She saw her family . She saw her friends and she saw Charles right beside her for all of it.

Didn't she deserve to be happy? No matter how frightening taking them first step towards forever love could be?

It could be worth it in the end.

"I do but.." she sighed , conflicted on what to do.

Charles made the answer easy for her. Gently leaning his head against her shoulder and kissing her jaw softly , he wrapped his arm around her back and held her close to him .

"I want to be your boyfriend. Okay?" He whispered to her simply not caring about anything else but her.

Cherrie glanced down at his soft eyes and the love written across his pretty face and easily gave in.

Pouting a little at having to admit that Charles was right and she was wrong .

"okay." She mumbled with a small smile as she wrapped her arm around his back in return, leaning down to kiss his eyebrow gently .

Charles inhaled deeply, unable to hold back his excited grin as he peered up at her through his lashes. Heart threatening to beat right out of his chest in excitement .

"Yeah? Me and you? No more bullshit?" He needed to her say it.

Giggling at the way she playfully rolled her eyes at him, cupping the side of his head and pulling his head down to her neck for a snuggle . Charles kissing below her ear delicately , feeling him smile against her tender skin.

"No more bullshit." She promised him quietly, running her fingers through his hair gently. Kissing his head as she heard him sniffle against her, squeezing her tightly to him.

And Sebastian could only watch with a proud smile as Cherrie finally let go of her fear and gave into love.

Charles sighing contently as Cherrie hugged him to her chest, closing his eyes and crying into her shirt while she rubbed circles over his shoulders with a small, amused smile on her face at his emotional he was.

He always had been the crier out of the two of them. He had also cried when she gave him a valentines card and drew him a picture of him in a Ferrari , writing NO.1 messily at the top.He still has the picture on his wall at home.

But Charles didn't care about anyone seeing him cry. He had waited for this moment for what felt like his whole life.

He had loved her every winter, every spring , every summer.. it had always been her. Never once had his love gone cold, it never faded , only blossoming into something untouchable over time.

He had loved her every season and now he wanted them all. He was never going to let her slip away from him again.

"Je vais t'aimer dans chaque vie. quoi qu'il arrive, je t'aimerai pour toujours." He whispered to her softly.

Cherrie let out a wet laugh and leaned down to kiss him properly, cupping his jaw in her hand as he nudged her nose with his own gently . Both of them smiling giddily into the kiss .

(i'm going to love you in every life. no matter what, i'll love you forever.)

"Je vous aime . j'ai toujours. Je suis désolé d'avoir mis si longtemps à l'admettre. mais je suis là maintenant et je ne t'aimerai plus jamais." She promised him .

(i love you . i always have. im sorry it took me so long to admit it. but i'm here now and i'm never going to not love you again.)

As the two kissed some more and snuggled up together on the couch without a care in the world, Sebastian looked at the camera with a smug grin on his face.

"I am Cupid. The love question was all my idea." He told them proudly before grimacing as he felt a foot nudge his side as they rolled around on the couch beside him like a pair of horny teenagers.

He leant over and pushed the both of them off the couch , both of them landing on the floor without even breaking apart .

Leaving Sebastian to look at them in disbelief as they just carried on making out on the floor in front of him, not giving a single shit about anybody else around them.

"Oh no.." he groaned with wince as he looked at the camera worriedly. Still live .

“What have I done? Okay! That's enough! Stop trying to eat her face!" He snapped down at them.

Dropping his cards and leaning down to try and pull the two of them apart before they made a sex tape on stream. The two of them just laughing at the disgusted look that he was giving them.

Sharing a mischievous look between them before charles yanked Sebastian down between them, both of them Hugging him tightly as Cherrie laughed like a naughty child as she kissed all over his grimacing face as he huffed and puffed, trying to push them off.

"I better be best man . And you better name your first child after me for this." He grumbled to them.

Grinning despite himself as he gave Charles a proud pat to his shoulder while Cherrie was preoccupied with clinging onto his back like a monkey, trying to annoy him like she usually did.

Sebastian just picked her up and threw her down onto the couch. Dusting off his clothes and pushing Charles down onto the other side too , sitting between the two of them so that they were separated again.

Rolling his eyes in amusement when Charles just extended his arm out behind his back and held cherries hand behind him. Both of them giggling and beaming at each other happily.

And all Charles could think to himself as he looked into her pretty eyes dazedly …was that forever wasn't long enough.

#Charles leclerc imagine #Charles leclerc fic #Charles leclerc oneshot #f1 imagine #f1 fic #formula one imagine #formula 1 imagine

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astroyongie · 10 months ago

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TXT February Reading 2024

note: take it lightly

Yeonjun

Love: I have no idea if he is still dating the same person he had been dating for the past couple of months. Yeonjun’s love life have been based a lot on his career and it feels like he is more invested on his wealth than on his relationship and I have got no insight on his status

Career: He is making a very important decision when it comes to his career and I believe that he as enough clarity to make the good choice for himself. Yeonjun will keep his recognition throughout the year

Self: his mental health is awful and honestly it is very concerning. He is overworked, and in a constant overstimulated environment that doesnt allow him to rest. Thus, his mental health is overboard and exhausted.

Soobin

Love: single and not really seeking for anything serious since lately he has been having flings and going on and off non official relationships for his own entertainment.

Career: lately he has been the one taking the calls for the group and making the decisions for it alongside the managers that the company. Soobin knows what he wants for his career and for the future of TXT and he makes sure that the company tried to keep up with those ideas

Self: mentally he is okay other that hi every poor self esteem that he tried to built through his flings. Physically however things are a little less jovial and he needs to be careful to avoid any permanent injury

Beomgyu

Love: I believe that he is equally single yet still in touch with his ex partner (the one he had an open relationship with) and that they are still trying to see how things goes. (Well not good in anyway). Beomgyu has lately been more focused on himself than his love life

Career: he is working very very hard to reach the top and to meet the expectations that his fans have on him yet he still feels like he has too many responsabiltiies that he doesnt want (almost like all the idols image and responsibilities weight down on him and he hates it). Beomgyu hates the burdens that come with fame

Self: he is okay and he has been rather fine lately. He is someone very clever and he knows how to manipulate his surroundings to benefit himself. At the moment he is focused on learning more about people around him and snatch information he might want to use later

Taehyun

Love: he broke up with the person he was seeing around October/November because the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. At the moment he has withdrawn from love and isnt seeking it either. He wants his heart to be left alone

Career: he has enjoyed being an idol more than he does at the moment. Fame scares him and he also doesnt like the way the group is taking a turn, he also hates everything dealign with his outside schedules from being an idol (things he has to do for sponsorship for exemple)

Self: emotionally he is a bit lower, he is down and he is love sick. Like he wants love but is unable to know what he wants and how to achieve it.

Huening Kai

Love: he is still in a relationship with the fellow idol and things seem to have been gone better since October. They both have been able to settle things up and know they hang out more. Also both their friends know about each other

Career: he is way and the sponsors that are behind him are strong and they now what they are doing for his career. Kai will probably have the luck of participation in some solo activities outside the group

Self: he has been feelings nostalgic lately, thinking about his past a lot and what he was later in life. He is okay, but he hangs on the past to much and that can be dangerous

#TXT #TXT astrology #TXT tarot #TXT reading #TXT headcanons #TXT imagines #TXT scenarios

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catboywrites · 3 months ago

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Update

Hey everyone. Long time no see. I want to once again thank you for your patience in waiting for updates, reassure you that none of my fics are abandoned, and give you an update about what is going on.

So, longest story short, I've been in the middle of both a physical and mental health episode that started around April but has only since gotten worse. I have a compromised immune system, but it's not enough to keep me house bound full time. It just means I get sicker more frequently and more intensely than others do. What could be exhaustion from a hot day could easily turn into a flare up of fever and leave me in bed. If I get too emotional reading something and cry a lot, it has turned on me and gotten me sick the next day in the form of sinus infections or a bronchitis flare up. It's something I've struggled with for almost my whole life and it just hit me back to back to back these past few months. On top of my pre-existing lung conditions which always suffer in the summer with the heat, I just got dogged down very fast and I was spending more time in bed sick than I was outside of bed able to function normally.

On the mental side of things, I had to change dosages of my migraine medication a few months ago, and it led to me having to go to the emergency room. Since then my finances have been struggling due to a cost I didn't expect and since I live alone, it has been hard for me to play catch up. It's drained me emotionally and along with normal depression, and I was just trying to survive paycheck to paycheck. I am still not in a place I want to be, but I realistically can't wait to be in that place, because who knows when, or if, it'll ever come.

And the third thing is my lovely beta. She is an essential part of my creative process, I bounce ideas off of her, she makes sure my writing doesn't sound like shit, all the good things that come from a beta. But she is also my best friend. Due to my situations and her situations, we have had a lot less contact in the past few months and I don't want to add to her stress with what's going on. She is also on the other side of the world, so trying to find times that work for both of us has gotten harder. And I want to spend the time I do get with her on just being us, not having to fuss over fanfics.

The updates will start again fairly soon. Just give me a little more time to try and settle into my new reality.

I appreciate you all so greatly, thank you for reading this update, and once again thank you for your patience.

#cat rambles

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mariska · 6 months ago

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had a very long busy day yesterday so i didnt get to make a lil post abt this (and i have also had a very busy month in general so i am like. Incredibly Burned Out Currently Anyways lol) BUT! as of yesterday i FINALLY have managed to get an official, legally recognized, medical professional assigned autism diagnosis. it's taken almost exactly 12 years of absolutely exhausting work and effort on me and my family/medical support system's part, and i will always wish that i'd been 'officially', 'professionally' diagnosed so much earlier in life before everything got too difficult for me to attempt to manage myself, but it is so validating and important to me that regardless of whatever happens moving forward in my life now with my combination of mental and physical disabilities, at the very least, i stayed determined through everything and lived long enough to actually see the day that my 27 years of existing as an autistic person was diagnosed, recognized, and officially logged in pretty great detail (along with quite a bit of additional separate diagnoses of additional disabilities i have) in my medical records.

it's all still very surreal to me because at this point in time i truly did not think i would ever get an official diagnosis in my lifetime with all of the hell i've gone through trying to get medical professionals to take me seriously when i have continuously begged to be heard and recognized in my struggles. the man who did my professional assessment this time around (i had one before many yrs ago that was nowhere near as necessarily thorough and resulted in very inaccurate misdiagnosis) was really patient, kind, understanding and respectful not just to me and my struggles but also to me as a person in general, had no big shocked responses to learning that i have 2 moms and was born via known donor dad, completely understood that i have very little genetic familial info about myself because of that and some other specific factors, listened to everything me and one of my moms who was sitting next to me thru the whole evaluation for support had to say, asked very detailed professional questions and used testing material that was geared specifically towards autistic Adults and not elementary school aged children (which has previously been my entire experience with any kind of autism related evaluation/testing in the past despite those past instances being when i was already a young adult at the time)...it took such a long time to get here but i'm very very grateful that i have finally been recognized officially as the person i have always been.

i teared up reading the email that was sent to my moms & me containing the full detailed breakdown of the test and evaluation findings/results because it was the first time in my life that i've ever read such a thorough and accurate description/assessment of Myself, in general. there's a very strange, emotionally charged, but also very positive kind of feeling seeing over 20 years of my own lived experiences written in words and presented as evidence of the disabilities i've lived my entire life struggling to survive around with very minimal help or even prior recognition. both my longtime therapist and primary care dr also submitted really detailed, well-described accounts of my disabilities and the details around them to this dr who did this evaluation and reading those accounts in the long results letter was very validating to my understanding of myself, too. i told both my mom that went to the appt with me and my therapist that i have weekly sessions with at my appointment yesterday that it felt like reading a really detailed wikipedia entry about myself in a way because i just have never seen so much accurate information about my entire life written in words like that before. i've spent my entire 20's so far not even feeling like a fully realized human being because of how existentially complicated and exhausting and stress inducing and confusing life in general is to me and i actually feel like A Human Being That Has Always Been Passively Perceived By Other People Around Me As Such now. i don't know how long it takes for my brain to fully process that realization but i'll be slowly finding out from now on. which is just. wild to even say/type outside of my head.

ANYWAYS!!! i will stop rambling now. i just wanted to type out a big ol' life update and fling it into the void on here because it really is an indescribably huge life milestone for me, so i wanted to share it with all of u!

12 years, dude. finally feeling like maybe everything i've been through has been worth it even just for this one accomplishment. i really hope it helps me be able to build some sort of independent life structure for myself from here on out but even if nothing changes i am so relieved to have my basic identity and personhood validated and recognized. i think it all has been worth it even just for that.

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403tarot · 8 months ago

Note

Hey dear! I would like to request a rose energy check and current love life if it is possible! Thanks in advance

ROSÉ ENERGY CHECK – 03.2024

general: i see that rosé has just emerged from a complicated phase of her life, a period that may have been exhausting and emotionally and mentally turbulent. she emerges from all of this like a phoenix, reorganizing her goals and seeing everything in a different, smarter, and more determined way. she is putting herself as her first priority after neglecting herself for a long time, and this has led her life to take a more coherent direction with her desires and goals

love: she likely recently opened up to romantic relationships and has a suitor on her path. i see that rosé is in that golden phase of relationships, where everything the other person says is interesting and funny, the clouds are pink and life seems beautiful. the person rosé is interested in also has feelings for her; if they're not in an official relationship yet, they will be soon. it's a relationship that has been changing her life for the better.

mental health: as i mentioned in the general part, she has just come out of a difficult and turbulent time. this may be related to a past relationship or a heavy burden of worries that left her exhausted. she has managed to overcome these situations for now and has been progressively improving; i would say she is at her best phase for now.

physical health: she is in good physical condition, probably feeling more energetic and lively lately, and she may have a goal to achieve regarding her health.

professional: lots of plans and projects! i see that rosé has been thinking a lot and questioning herself as an artist. the past few months may have led her to develop a better understanding of herself and her feelings, which has also made her more observant and demanding regarding her work. she has plans for the future and may be discussing them to put them into practice soon.

#— duckie notes ⪩♡⪨#kpop readings #blackpink tarot #roseanne park #rose #kpop reading #kpop astrology #kpop tarot

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theshimadaslovers · 2 years ago

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"I'm here" (Hanzo version)

Summary: You're exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, once you start crying for a silly thing, everything comes down like a waterfall. You breakdown. But...good thing you got your boyfriend.

Genre: Fluffly, drama, romance, partnership.

Warning: Mental health, strong language, breakdown.

You pov

"Dear diary,

This is my first time writing something so...I hope it works.

It has been years that I'm feeling unlucky, hopeless, not happy with my own self in many ways. I've veing fighting against every demon inside for ages, the way everyone's says for me to do it. I'm trying and why can no one notice?

My only escape from this feeling is, sometimes movies, series, video games and the most important...my boyfriend. I mean, we're not in a official relationship, but he practically live in my house and we sleep together, we cook together, do everything together and he's the only one who listen to every single word I say. I can see in his eyes... He's the one. Hanzo Shimada, my love, my light in the dark.

Everyone knows him as the grumpy old Shimada brother; but he's so much more than that! He pass trought so much pain to became who he is now and I'm with him on this road until my last breath. He saved me and I saved him.

Hanzo is out of town, again. Since he get accepted on Overwatch thanks to his brother, Genji, he's barely stay home. Missions and more missions; he's so important for the hope of every people on earth, I know, but...I miss him so much. I get so worried when he call me saying that Overwatch will have a mission against Talon...Only God knows what they could do with him, but I trust Jack Morrison with my soul to protect them.

And right now...I'm not feeling very well...

Hanzo...I need you save, my love."

-------------===========-------------------

You were home all alone, completely worry after Hanzo send you a message saying a bunch of stuff of the new mission against Talon, again. Your heart dropped in the moment you read about it.

"Hi, sweety, how are you doing? I hope you're fine...really, I miss you so much. I'm here to update you from our new and last mission, is been almost 3 months without seeing you, so... I'm kind a mess right now, is hard to focus.Talon is showing up again, so Jack is sending me, Genji, Soujorn and others to try to make them surrender on their own base, that actually we just find out a new one here in China. Is being months, honey... I barely called you. Hope you fine and I'm so sorry...I'll be back soon. I love you with my body and soul."

That was his last massage, weeks ago. You were scared, thinking about the worse and after reading the message again you felt a little of anguishing. Hanzo said to you; "If I disappear, don't worry, ok? I'll be only too busy to send some updates. Jack Morrison rules. Work first, women after and if something happened to me, they'll warn you". He never agreed with this, but, if a rules is given to Hanzo, he'll obey.

Well, Overwatch didn't call you, so...he's fine, right? Right.

You were working at your laptop, block the phone and tried to come back to your work and let a single tear fall from your eye. Wasn't enough, you notice that you would start crying out because of the worriers and stress, but once you always start crying, you don't stop. You try to focus, but the hiccups came and you breakdown on tears. Nonstop, out of nowhere. 2 minutes ago you were "fine"; Hanzo always ask you if you're fine, he knows you better than yourself. One of thr things he's the most scared of, is let you crying all alone... and that happened.

You turn off the computer and goes to the sofa crying out, scared about the situation and all alone. No one to hug you and help control your breath. Starts to talk with yourself, cursing every single second of shit that happens in your life, remembering things of the past and bringing back again. You could not control your body and thoughts.

You tried to control your breath and calm down, but was literally impossible! Is like your body needs that! To put everything out! But this is not so good, not now...All alone!

You cried, cried and cried, laying down on the sofa and hugging a pillow. What could you do? Absolutely nothing.

After one hour crying, you starts to settle down a little, pick up some papers and go back to the sofa still cursing everything and crying, now, in anger.

You could hear keys opening the door and you could only thing "Right now? Really?"...well, you could also see that as a miracle. Hanzo is home and you could hear his warm voice trought the house.

- Baby! I'm home! - He walks until the tv room where he saw you sat with red eyes, swollen face and blowing the nose like a elephant. The skile on his face became almost panic - Honey...what's wrong?

- I'm so sorry...! - You starts to cry again feeling guilty. Almost 3 months without seeing him and you welcome him like that?

- Hey! No no...! - He ran to the sofa sitting in front of you. - Hey, kawaii...What's wrong, uh? Tell me, sweety.

His voice were sweet, low and completely comfortable as always, even his accent dissapeared a little when he speak like that, became more...American british? Not a strong japanese accent.

He hold your face kissing your forehead, then looking at your eyes.

- Something happened? You can tell me, you know that.

- I'm...! I'm just tired...! I'm exhausted about everything, you know?! And...! And I was worried and now I'm thinking how suck I'm at everything! Looks like something put a fucking spell! A fucking dark cloud in my fucking head! Everything is just wrong...!

- Breath, y/n... -He holds your hand tightly. - You're out of control...Tell me...what happened first?

You stopped for a moment and looked at him in tears.

- I...! I was scared...! I read your last massage again!

- The Talon one? But hey...- He smiled getting up and sitting behind you. - I'm here...Is everything ok, sweety.

- Is not only you...! I feel so...so nothing! Like if a don't belong here.. ! I don't have friends, even my colleagues don't like me!

- No, baby, that's not true! - He hugged you tight kissing your neck - Why you think that?

- They always goes out together and never invites me...! Oh, baby, I'm so sorry...! - You hide your face in your hands - you must be so tired and I'm filing your head with shit!

- Y/n... -He called you with his chin on your shoulder. - I'm here because of you. I want to be here, it was my choice to sit here to listen to your "shits"

Hanzo hugs you tightly giving little pecks on your neck and shoulder.

- I'm a different man because of you and I must retribute everything, and because I want to...I love you, y/n. I won't and i can't promise that everything will soon be fine, the world is not helping us, but...I'm here. If you need me, your friend, your boyfriend, your partner...you ninja. - Both laughed. - Call me.

- But Jack doesn't let you use the phone before work.

- If I explain to him that you'll call in emergency times, he'll understand and...for you? I can break all the rules if it is necessary.

You felt butterflies in you stomach and Hanzo tells you for turn around a little bit; holding your legs under his arm and the tattoed one behind your back, holding you in a bride position while sitting on the sofa. He kissed your face everywhere making you laugh and calm down for good. He was the only one that could do that.

- I won't leave you like that...never. I came home a little earlier actually,I felt something...I swear. - He couldn't stop looking at you while talking. - I felt that you needed me, so I finished everything earlier and came.

- Your spirits told you? - You laughed a little feeling a headache. - You told me once that they're became also connected with me after... well...

- At the first time? - He smiled and you nodded. - That's true...I felt my arm shivering a little. So, sweetie...you see? You're part of me too. What you feel I can feel, not completely, but if you're in danger, I'll know.

You smiled laying your head on his chest feeling his heartbeat that made you fall asleep right there. Well...like I said, he's the one.

Hanzo picks you up and walks to the bedroom laying you down and then laying next to you, making caring on your face watching you in a deep sleep.

After Hanzo also fall asleep next to you, his phone starts to ring and he pick it up feeling a little lost.

- Moshi...? - Take a deep breath scratching his sleepy eyes.

- Hanzo? Is Jack Morrison, are you at home?

- Yes, sir... something happened? - Now he looked worry.

- Well, not really... but Genji is having his arm fixed so, there's no one to take care of the base. I need to leave in 1 hour to a reunion with generals and well, wanna see if you're free to come back and take care of the base, I'm kind worry with Reyes, he may try to do something.

While captain Morrison was talking, Hanzo could only look at you and take a deep breath before answer.

- Captain...Sir, I'm sorry but I can't.

- Oh, really? - Jack sounded surprised.- Normally you always say yes, but...something happened?

- I...I need time with y/n, sir.

- Ooh yeah! Of course! - Starting coughing in nervousness.- I forgot about your relationship with her, I apologize, soldier. No worries, I can call Cassidy or maybe Baptiste, someone has to be able to come back.

- I'll send a message to them, captain, they'll help for sure.

- Copy that, soldier...See ya and... good lucky with the girl...she's good for you, fella. You should have asked her hand already.

- Yes...- Hanzo laughed looking at you. - I will, captain...I'm ready for that.

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Art by: @chengongzi123

I don't know if you guys wanna a part 2 of this, I started to write this when I was I my worst so... it was just a idea mixed with feelings. Hope you at least enjoyed;3; It was just a silly little fanfic.

#she/her #hanzo shimada #hanzo x you #overwatch #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #fem!reader

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