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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

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𝑺𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏 (𝑲𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒈) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

Pairing: BFF! Kang Yeosang (Ateez)/ BFF! Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Slight Angst, Fluff, Non Idol! AU.

Synopsis: Yeosang decides to show and prove to his best friend that slow and sensual sex is superior to rough fucking.

Word Count: Around 3-4K

Warnings: Mentions of smoking/drinking, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, nipple play, semi-drunk sex, sex taping (with consent), sweet vanilla sex with music/ led lights in the background, protective sex that transitions to unprotected (always do safe sex), creampie, best friend/ non-romantic relationship (?)

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"Room for one more?"

Turning her head in the direction of the deep, husky voice next to her, Y/N shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't really care. Not my place anyhow."

She lifted the almost finished cigarette to her lips. Taking a small puff of it, she blew out the smoke with then turned back to the dark brown male that had now taken a seat next to her on the porch.

"Want the last one?" She held up her cancer stick for him to take.

"No thanks." He shook his head.

Y/N scoffed at that. "What? Not hard enough for someone like you?"

Throwing the tiny butt onto the ground, she didn't care at all to put it out. Rolling his eyes, Yeosang extended his leg to finish the task of making sure she didn't set anything on fire.

"Sucker." Y/N repeated what she'd often call him.

"Dumbass." He counteracted her attack with his own nickname for her.

"Why are you even out here? Wouldn't you rather be inside and join in on the fun?" She asked him.

Picking up a nearby stick, Yeosang began drawing random shapes on the ground below him.

"What do you classify as fun? I mean, besides destroying your lungs and aging faster."

"Haha, you're so fucking hilarious." Y/N replied sarcastically.

"As if you're any better Yeo. I'm surprised you're not stumbling back to your shitty apartment with either Hwa or Joong helping your wasted ass."

"Need I remind you that you practically live in my so called 'shitty' apartment cause your roommate can't stand you at the dorms." He snorted at her.

"It's not that she can stand me! I can't stand her bringing her douche boyfriend in the middle of the night or at odd hours of the day just so they can fuck each other's brains out!" She exclaimed in frustration.

Smirking at her, Yeosang couldn't help himself as he said:

"Maybe you should get your brain fucked out once in a while. Might help you be a little less bitchy."

Y/N scoffed.

"I'm not bitchy and I certainly don't need it."

"Your face says you do. Like seriously Y/N, when was the last time you got a good fuck? Let me guess. Probably 8 months ago when you let Youngbin pound you behind the bleachers?" He laughed at her.

"Ok! You know what?! Fuck you Yeosang! I can't believe you brought that up!"

Standing up, she began to storm away from him, away from the party and decided to just go to the nearest bus stop so she could go hide under her bed and pretend she didn't exist. Crossing her arms over her chest, she shivered slightly when a slight breeze blew against her. But still she continued walking, not paying attention to the voice calling out for her from behind. She had gotten a block away from where she was when she heard the sound of something scraping against the pavement behind her.

"You're hard to find." Yeosang came up next to her, his feet firmly planted on the skateboard under him.

"And you're hard to get rid of." She threw a passive aggressive smile in his direction.

"Listen..." Shifting the board to the left, he blocked her from walking any further.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean to upset you." He apologized.

"You didn't really upset me.....I just hate bringing that jerk up again."

Yeosang chuckled at her pouty expression. Getting off the skateboard, he kicked down on one of the sides, making it fly up so he could catch it with his hand and tuck it under his elbow.

"Come on. Wanna hang out at my place tonight?" He offered.

"Still got leftover booze from last time?" She asked in anticipation.

"Now who's the alcoholic here snip?"

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It was well past 11 and Y/N had already downed more than half the bottle of the hard liquor. She lifted the glass up again to her lips when she was stopped by her friend beside her.

"Easy tiger. I think you've had more than enough."

Taking the bottle away from her, he wiped the top off before taking a quick gulp before setting it down somewhere next to him.

"I'm not even drunk yet.." Y/N mumbled out.

"Certainly not, but you're definitely not sober. So I'd say you're just a tad bit tipsy."

Y/N shoved him with her shoulder when he tried to lean his head on her.

"No. Go away. I'm still mad at you." She barked at him, clicking her tongue in annoyance.

"So I take it I'm sleeping on the couch again?" Yeosang raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well I certainly aren't. Shit's uncomfortable af."

Standing up, she threw her crop sweater over her head and tossed it somewhere in the room, her black shorts soon following after. Yeosang barely batted an eyelash at his friend's actions, so used to her walking around half naked around his place.

Slumping down on the bed, she reached into Yeosang's dresser and opened the drawer, knowing she'd find his stash of tootsie pops in it. Picking out a cherry flavored one, she unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, discarding the wrapper on the waste bin a few feet away from her. Turning on her back, she hummed softly before taking the lollipop out of her mouth momentarily to pat on the empty space next to her and say:

"Sangie, come here. I wanna cuddle."

Yeosang grumbled at her words.

"Whatever happened to me sleeping on the couch?"

"Never said you should. Now come on." She repeated at him.

Yeosang sighed in disbelief, seriously questioning why he even put up with his friend for so long. Removing his plaid pullover hoodie and black skinny jeans, leaving him in just a plain white T-shirt and his black briefs, he slid down next to Y/N and wrapped one of his arms around her waist.

"Happy now?" He inquired of her.

Y/N shifted a little so that they ended up in a more comfortable spooning position.

"Yeah I guess." She murmered softly.

Yeosang began to draw circles across her hip, occasionally pulling the side of her black panty and making it snap against her skin, making Y/N swat his hand away whenever he did.

"Can I have some?" Yeosang gestured to the candy in her mouth.

Pulling it out with a loud 'popping' noise, Y/N held it out for him to take. Putting it in his mouth, Yeosang sucked in it briefly then took a small bite out of it before handing it back to her.

"Heathen." Y/N derided him when she saw the mutilated lollipop.

"Puss." He snickered at her.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from them was the occasional sighs or hums that would elude from their mouths. Getting tired and bored of the painful lack of noise, Yeosang reached for his phone and connected it to his bluetooth speakers. Scrolling through his playlist, he smiled smugly as he found the one song he had been listening a lot to lately and did not hesitate to start playing it. Y/N jolted a little when the blaring of trumpets resonated through the room.

"Jesus fucking christ, why must it start in such an unholy manner?" She complained as she shifted a little in Yeosang's embrace.

Yeosang couldn't help but laugh softly.

"And you know that's not the unholy part about it."

Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sincerity of his words and especially not when the first verses started.

~Tell me what it is you wanna know

Finish up the bottle then we'll go, babe~

"Speaking of which, we didn't finish our bottle."

Y/N made a move to get up, but Yeosang pulled her back down, this time making her lay on top of him.

"Kang Yeosang!" She grunted at him, eyebrows furrowing at him.

"Snippy pants." He winked at her then placed a kiss to her nose.

His hands began to travel down the curve of her lower back, momentarily resting on her ass, his fingers digging into her soft skin.

~I'm too phased, it's too late

But coming down is all I ever do, babe, yeah~

"Pervert." Y/N accused him when he slapped her ass lightly.

"You weren't complaining when Youngbin-"

Y/N silenced him with a kiss to his lips, her tongue running across his upper lip. Yeosang tried to capture her tongue with his teeth, but she pulled back before he got the chance, making him whine softly.

"Mention that atrocity one more time and I will blow up your dick." She threatened him.

Yeosang couldn't help but poke fun at her.

"I wouldn't necessarily say no. I've heard your blowjob stories."

Y/N smacked his chest.

"What?! You think guys don't talk about it around me? They don't hold back just because we're close." He ruffled her hair.

"What about you? How come I never hear any stories from you? Is our little Sangie an actual saint?" She jeered at him.

Yeosang smiled softly, his hands pulling on Y/N's bra strap.

"First of all, let me assure you I'm not little.."

Lifting his hips up slightly, he grinded against her so she could feel his semi hard on. Y/N widened her eyes momentarily, her subconscious wishing he'd repeat the action one more time.

"And I'm not a saint. I'm just not as promiscuous as the other guys, that are into rough fucking all the girls in our class." He explained as he moved Y/N's strap so it fell off her shoulder.

Y/N couldn't help but look at him incredulous.

"Seriously? Getting fucked like a pornstar is one of the best feelings ever. Best kind of sex there is."

"I beg to differ babygirl. I find it to be completely overrated." He mused softly before placing a kiss to her exposed shoulder.

~And I'm so down if you're ready

I'm floating but I'm heavy

And I'll show you if you let me, girl~

"So what? You mean to tell me vanilla sex is better?" She rolled her eyes.

Yeosang couldn't help the mischievous smile that formed on his sculpture like face.

"It's not just better.....it's superior."

Yeosang's hand grabbed the remote next to his lamp, which he promptly turned off. Clicking on the first button, the room instantly illuminated a dark red from the LED lights that Yeosang had installed when he first moved into the apartment.

"Want me to show you?"

Y/N hadn't even responded but Yeosang was already unclasping her bra. His hands caressed her exposed back as he patiently waited for her answer. Feeling brave, Y/N sat up to let the garment fall off her body and onto the floor. She looked back to see Yeosang's reaction. He bit his lip, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him in an effort to contain himself from touching her before she gave her consent.

Y/N leaned down, her hand cupping his chin.

"Show me then."

Closing the distance between them, she kissed him tenderly. Yeosang hummed into the kiss, his fingers tucking a side of her hair behind her ear.

~I don't know if you already know how

But girl, I got the feeling that you know now~

Yeosang's tongue pressed against her bottom lip, making Y/N chuckle, but nonetheless granted him access to her mouth. Holding the sides of her neck, Yeosang swirled his tongue inside her, before pulling her own into his mouth to gently suck on it.

"Hehet....you smell like alcohol." He said in between their makeup session.

"Shut up and kiss me you dork."

She pulled him back in and deepened their kiss, her mouth hungrily and sloppily kissing his, her lips trailing across his chin and jaw at times.

"Fuck. How desperate are you?" Yeosang asked.

"A whole lot, now can you fucking stop being the ass you are and get on with it?" She pleaded with him.

In a flash, Yeosang flipped her onto her back. Burying his face in her neck, he placed open mouth kisses across it until he found exactly what he was looking for when Y/N's breath hitched.

"Found you."

Yeosang began to suck onto the sensitive patch of skin he had discovered. Y/N tilted her head to give him better access, which he took complete advantage of. Yeosang only pulled away after making sure there'd be a crimson red mark for anyone to see the following days. Satisfied with his work, he moved further south and began to kiss down her sternum, his hands going from her hips to her waist.

His lips went from kissing in between the valley of her breasts, to gliding over and taking one of her perky nipples into his mouth. His other hand made sure that its twin wasn't left unattended as he pinched and played with it delicately between his long and slender fingers. Without realizing it, Y/N arched her back, making Yeosang smile against her skin.

"You're definitely enjoying this." He teased her, biting faintly on her tiny bud.

"Sh-shut up..." She mumbled.

"And I haven't even gotten to the fun part."

Yeosang dragged his mouth painfully slow down her stomach, placing open mouth kisses on several parts of her skin. Once, he reached her belly button, he couldn't help but feel a little playful. Pressing his face down, he blew against her skin, causing her to squeak and giggle at the vibrations.

"Sangie!" She gushed at him and his awfully cute action.

"Sorry." He apologized but the sparkle in his eyes indicated he was anything but.

When he realized he was in between her legs, only a piece of fabric separating him from her most intimate place, he looked back up at her, mentally asking her if she still wanted to continue. Maybe it was the partially drunk part of her brain or maybe it was the sober part, either way, Y/N nudged Yeosang with her knee, urging him to do something.

Getting the hint, Yeosang grabbed the sides of her panties and began to rid her of them. Y/N lifted herself up so the process was easier for him, and even parted her legs for him, her neediness wanting him to just do as he pleased.

Yeosang inhaled and exhaled sharply as he stared down at his best friend's glistening and almost dripping core, the astonishment and lust in his stare quite unmistakable. His hands wrapped themselves on the back of her knees, his body leaning closer to get a better look at her.

"Well?" Y/N chuckled when he stayed dumb for a while.

Smiling an ironically pure smile, Yeosang didn't take his gaze off from between her legs as he responded:

"It's pretty.......so fucking pretty."

Turning his head, he kissed her right knee tenderly, dragging his lips around it. Eventually, he began kissing up her inner thighs, both of them, leaving no spot unattended. Y/N began to breath more rapidly as she watched him earnestly inch closer and closer to her lips.

"Oh-oh..."

Y/N gasped when Yeosang dragged the tip of his nose up her slit, making sure to press down on her clit.

"Fuck! You smell absolutely delicious babe."

Releasing her knees, he brought his fingers up so they could spread her folds apart so he could glide his wet muscle up and taste a bit of her. Yeosang couldn't get enough of her taste, as shown by his relentless effort in licking and sucking at her clit. One of his fingers began prodding at her entrance, swirling around and finally sinking inside her.

"Fucking hell Y/N, you're so tight and you're already sucking in one of my fingers. Seriously how long have you not gotten any dick?" He inquired as he added a second finger, beginning to scissor them inside her.

"Too. Fucking. Long."

Shutting her eyes, her hands went to Yeosang's hair and began pulling at it, her hips pressing against his face.

"Yeosangie..... help me..." She whined at him.

Paying attention to her needs, Yeosang buried his face in her heat once again, sucking and lapping enthusiastically, moaning occasionally as his 2 fingers slid in and out of her at a moderate pace. Y/N's chest began rising up and down, she could feel herself getting closer and closer to spilling all over her friend's face. The thought of her actually cumming in Yeosang's mouth riled her up more than she'd ever think it would. Yeosang felt her walls tightening around his fingers, clear indication she was about to cum. Being the teasing asshole he was, he pulled his fingers out and detached his mouth from her core, panting slowly from having been eating her out so passionately, some of her arousal smeared on his chin, upper lip and even on his nose.

"What the hell you jerk!?"

Y/N sat up, fully committed to smack him across the face, but he gripped her wrists as he forced her back down.

"Calm down Y/N, I promise you'll be cumming soon."

Leaning in, he kissed her forehead lovingly, sending flutters down her body. Her hand placed itself on his chest.

"Off." Although it was technically an order, she meant it more as a request.

Yeosang pulled his shirt over his head, allowing Y/N to gawked at his lean but toned abs and muscles.

"Fuck.......when did you start working out skater boi?"

Yeosang blushed and giggled shyly.

"Around the same time you began showing off your legs a lot more."

Y/N watched in anticipation as he began to remove his boxers. She widened her eyes when she saw her long time friend's cock slap against his stomach, the tip already leaking out precum.

"Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said you weren't little." She complimented him.

Y/N reached out to try and grab it in her hand, but Yeosang swatted her hand away.

"You can suck my cock another time. Right now though, I'm dying to have it inside your tight hole."

Y/N clenched at the mere thought of having such a good looking cock inside her. She'd never outwardly admit it, but she always had a thing for visual stimulation and above average dicks.

Opening the drawer, Yeosang took out a condom and ripped it open with his teeth, soon rolling it onto his length. He slowly lowered his body on top of hers, kissing her softly as he aligned himself at her entrance. With a roll of his hips, he slid inside her, both of them moaning loudly. Yeosang let a few seconds pass before he began rolling his hips, starting at a slow and steady pace that matched the rhythm of the music playing in the background. His face hid in her neck, biting and kissing at her shoulders as his hands kept her waist firmly planted on the mattress.

"Fuck, you feel amazing Y/N." He whispered against her ear, making her sigh blissfully.

Wanting to dote on her more, he began spurting out a relay of compliments.

"You look so beautiful like this baby. Fuck! I wish I could capture this moment forever."

Feeling bold, Y/N held out her hand and began tapping around until she found what she was wanting to grab. She held out Yeosang's phone to him.

"Then why don't you?"

Yeosang groaned, halting his movements so as to not cum from her insinuation.

"Are you for real?" He wanted to make sure she wasn't kidding.

"Please just don't film my face. I don't want anyone to know it's me in case it gets in the wrong hands or you upload it to a porn site." She stated making him burst out in a lighthearted laugh.

"Oh honey I won't do that. I'm keeping this for my fap material."

Yeosang sat up as he turned on the camera. He began moving once the phone started recording the naughty scene taking place in his bedroom, this time going a little rougher than at first. He loved watching the way Y/N's tits bounced every time he pushed back inside of her. The red LED lights only made it more thrilling, adding a more erotic aesthetic that the camera captured perfectly.

~I'm burning up, yeah, all I see is red, ah

She said "Fuck me like I'm famous"

I said, "Okay"~

Yeosang's free hand ran across her stomach, momentarily pressing down on the bulge protruding from there. Then it began to squeeze at her breasts, fondling and groping them in a not too harsh fashion.

"Yeosang..... I need more..." She spoke out.

Yeosang pressed paused to help her out.

"Want more? Ok. Turn around for me baby."

~Push a little further on the edge

Crawl a little further on the bed, babe~

Pulling out of her, his hands helped her turn her body for him. Y/N immediately got on all fours, but Yeosang pressed his hand on her back.

"As cute as you look right now my friend, that's not what I had in mind."

Pushing her down, he made her lay her body on the mattress into a low doggy position. Y/N looked back at him with a questioning gaze.

"Trust me Y/N. It'll have you cumming in seconds."

Picking up his phone again, he was about to resume recording when Y/N's words made him snap up.

"Sangie please fuck me raw."

Yeosang swore he had a mini heart attack when she said that.

"Y..Y/N....what are you-"

"It's ok! I'm on birth control and I just really want to feel you and have you cum inside me." She confessed unashamedly.

Yeosang thought about it for a minute before deciding 'screw it' and threw away the condom that was wrapped around his dick. Pumping himself a few times, he finally pressed record again, wanting to capture the moment he entered his friend completely raw.

This time his thrusts were more deep and fast paced, wanting to have Y/N come as fast as possible, which wasn't going to take too long, if her now loud gasps and moans were a major clue.

"Oh- oh my g-god!"

Y/N now understood what Yeosang meant when he said he'd have her cumming in seconds. With his cock pushing in and out of her rapidly it made the mattress underneath her rub against her clit in the most addicting friction she'd ever had.

"T-told you so.." Yeosang couldn't hide the shit eating grin on his face, which Y/N would have slapped off if she could see it.

Gripping at her hip harshly, he angled himself so he could hit that special spot in her, finding it quite easily after many practices in the same room from past lovers. Y/N tried biting her lip but it wasn't enough so she resorted to hiding her face on the pillow in front of her, muffling her near shrieking moans.

~You're buried in the pillow, yeah, you're so loud

But I'm about to show you, baby, slow down~

Lifting her head up slightly, she tried to warn him.

"S-Sangie...I'm gonna-"

She threw her head down again, not wanting Yeosang's next door neighbors to complain next day about the noise, given how thin the walls were.

Positioning his phone on the dresser, Yeosang crouched down and lifted her face up to look at him. She looked almost completely fucked out, her hair sticking onto her face, sweat beads piling on her forehead. Yeosang kissed her messily, his mouth silencing some of her moans as well as his own.

"Go ahead gorgeous. Cum for me. I'll be right behind her."

Yeosang let out a deep, gutteral moan when he felt her clench around him, her body shaking underneath him as she came hard. A series of cursing ensued as he spilled himself inside her, coating her walls with his cum. He slowed down his movements, but never halted them completely, wanting her and himself to ride out their orgasms. When he finally stilled inside her, he grabbed his phone again and held it close to where their bodies connected.

"Holy shit. That's so hot." He said in an almost gloating tone as he pulled himself out of his best friend and watched as part of his cum seeped out of her.

Turning off the camera, he reached for the box of wet tissues on his nightstand and began wiping Y/N down. Tapping on her shoulder, he asked:

"You ok there bud?"

Y/N let out a muffled "Yeah."

"Cute." He shook his head.

Turning off the music, he plopped beside Y/N, turning her so they could resume spooning like they were in the beginning.

"So....?"

Y/N opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at him.

"So what?" She looked at him rather puzzled.

"Do you agree now that vanilla sex is superior?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Y/N hummed as she pondered about it in her head. Turning around so her body faced his, she pulled him closer.

"I don't know.....might need a little more convincing..." She joked.

Yeosang took notice of the slight smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed the top of her head.

"Oh trust me. I don't think this will be the last time...."

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~Song used here: Slow Down- Chase Atlantic ~

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years

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Broken-Hearted Girl

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 8.7K

Summary: After a petty argument escalates into Mark saying some things he didn’t mean, the two of you end up breaking up on your third anniversary. For the rest of the week, you find solace in your family and you learn how to live with a broken heart.

A/N: I don’t even remember how I stumbled upon this song but after listening to and falling in love with one of their other songs “Friend’s Don’t” by Maddie and Tae, I already knew I was going to like this one also. I recommend you listen to it while reading this imagine, the song really does tug on your heartstrings. I’ve been extremely busy for the last few weeks and so I wanted to put a hold on writing (even if just for a few days) but I’ve actually been staying up till the wee hours of the morning (I feel as if I might have insomnia but who knows) and I actually had a really bad mental breakdown earlier, so I needed something to help calm me down and take my mind off of my negative thoughts. Writing is my favorite escape from how cruel this world can be sometimes (although, my writing is literal shit haha) (and i really don’t care for how I ended this and I’m actually kind of unimpressed with this story) but I hope you guys enjoy it! (I have never been in a relationship before so I haven’t experienced the pain of a heartbreak (and I’m sure knowing my sensitive ass I would actually die)

Hey, mama, how do you get a red-wine stain Out of your favorite dress? Black mascara off a pillow case Cure a one-too-many headache Mama, can I come and maybe stay a few days? This weekend or next And hey, how do you get a red-wine stain Out of your favorite dress?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart?

This was not how tonight was supposed to end. Usually, anniversaries were meant to be extremely romantic. They were meant to celebrate the amount of time you’ve been in a relationship with your significant other and to relish in the love that you had for one another; yet here you were, storming out of your boyfriend—well, now ex-boyfriend’s truck towards your apartment with tears streaming down your face.

You were too focused on getting inside and just collapsing to the ground that you couldn’t even remember how the night ended so terribly. Just a few hours ago, Mark picked you up with the intentions on surprising you for your third anniversary together.

The two of you practically couldn’t even keep your eyes, let alone your hands off of each other to the point where Mark was just going to say fuck it and show you just how much he loved you and how happy he was to be able to call you the love of his life with his head between your thighs. However, things didn’t go as planned.

In fact, you had a hard time processing that he told you he planned on spending the rest of his life with you just a few moments before the argument broke out. As soon as you unlocked the door and stumbled inside, you immediately sank to your knees and let out the most heartbreaking cry you didn’t think you were capable of. Not once in your life did you ever cry as much as you were right now.

Sure, you’ve lost a few loved ones, failed a couple of very important tests here and there and sometimes you and Mark would watch some of the saddest movies every now and then but nothing ever hurt you as much as Mark’s last words did.

My life would’ve been so much easier if you weren’t in it.

Each word felt like a stab in your gut. At the time, you knew you said some things that you didn’t mean and that you were sure had a negative effect on him; but nothing you said was even half as bad as hearing him practically say he regrets your entire relationship.

It made you overthink the last three years of being with him. Mark was in more or less words, the perfect boyfriend. He was quite the gentleman; he always held doors open for you, pushed you on the inside whenever you’d be walking on sidewalks, pulled out chairs for you, always asked how your day was going and if you were eating all your meals on time.

He knew your coffee order by heart, he’d buy you cute little things he would see that he thought you would like and he even made you a few playlists of songs that reminded him of you. He took care of you as if you were the most delicate little dandelion; but that didn’t mean he wasn’t rough or dominant behind closed doors.

Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Three years would do that to someone; he knew each and every mole, freckle, beauty and birthmark on your body. He was well aware of the scar on your knee that was shaped like Texas and how you got it from playing football with your cousins. If perfect was a person, it would be him.

Everyone who knew of him wanted to be his friend. Mark was a social butterfly; he had a tendency to be friendly and kind to whoever he encountered. His golden heart, extremely kind and generous personality was got you to fall in love with him; on top of his indescribable good looks and charismatic charm. After knowing each other for over seven years, you’ve grown accustomed to having Mark in your life.

Even before the two of you started dating, he was there for almost every milestone in your life. He was there when you got accepted in to the college of your dreams, he was there when you got an internship with a company you’ve been wanting for a long time, he was there for your first time getting drunk at the young age of 16 and he was the one to rub your back as you threw up the following morning.

With that being said, he was also there during some of the darkest times in your life. When your grandmother passed away from cancer, it felt as if your entire world fell apart. She was your best friend and you were completely devastated as soon as your mom called you and told you the news of her passing. Mark was at baseball practice around the time that you were heading to the hospital, but once he heard of what happened, he wasted no time in making his way to where you were and pulled you in to his chest the moment his eyes landed on your frail figure.

It took months of grieving, crying over her absence and Mark constantly whispering sweet words of comfort for you to come to terms with her death and you were entirely grateful that you had someone so patient and understanding as Mark was to be there for you during such a traumatic time. What was going to happen now when he was the reason why you were so distraught?

Losing your grandmother was extremely painful and even after all these years, you weren’t completely over her death. However, knowing that man you loved more than life itself no longer wanted anything to do with you was a different kind of pain. Although there were a few times in your relationship that you and Mark would disagree, not once did a fight escalate this badly before.

Your relationship was one that everyone around you seemed to envy. Everyone and their mothers knew just how much Mark loved you and it was obvious by your words and actions that you felt the exact same way. His mom always used to tell you that your love was one for the ages; you both cared for one another in ways that only people who were genuinely in love could experience. For two people who’ve been in a relationship for as long as you and Mark have, you were still in the so called “honeymoon stage” where you constantly had to be around each other even if all you did was laze around all day doing nearly nothing.

Just being in his presence always made you feel so at ease; so serene. Home wasn’t necessarily a place you lived in or just a roof above your head. Home wasn’t just a place that gave you shelter; home was where you felt the safest, the most comfortable and home was where you were happiest. For the last seven years, Mark Tuan was your home and now, you were homeless. You always felt so protected and loved whenever you were around him and you hated every moment spent away from him.

The more time you spent crying on the floor, the more you came to the realization that tonight’s events actually happened and Mark was no longer your person. Although neither of you actually called it quits, you knew by the tone of his voice and in his facial expression that it was over. Even if he were to come back to you within the week begging you for forgiveness, you don’t think you could ever forget how his words screwed you up mentally and physically.

When you decided that you had cried all the tears you had in your body and that you were wasting your time crying over someone who couldn’t give less of a shit about you, you got up from your spot right in front of the door and slowly sauntered off in to the kitchen. Anyone who knew you were aware of the fact that you hated alcohol.

You weren’t a heavy drinker, and you were sure it’s because you spent your teenage years getting high and wasted to the point where it was no longer fun to do now that it was legal. The bottle of red wine that was in the back of your cupboard was a gift from Mark’s friend Jackson for your birthday a couple of months ago and you didn’t want to seem rude by not accepting it since you didn’t care for red wine or just wine in general.

But now, you were extremely grateful for his choice in gifts and you made it your responsibility to finish the entire bottle in one sitting before you went to sleep. That’s if you could even find it in yourself to even go to bed. Your mind was filled with thoughts of Mark and what he was doing right now; if he regretted what he said, if he knew you were currently suffering and beating yourself up about the argument.

How could the two of you go from being seconds away to ripping each other’s clothes off, to you drinking imported red wine straight from the bottle to take your mind off of your broken heart? As you continued to drink the wine, it was in that moment of sitting on your kitchen floor and banging your head on your refrigerator that you noticed your front door had a dent in it. You wouldn’t be surprised if you were to go up to it and see that you broke it by how hard you slammed it out of anger, but at this point you didn’t even care.

Your mind, your heart and your body were so numb that nothing else seemed to matter and if anything, the door represented your mental state and your relationship. Seeing as how you were the definition of a light weight, it didn’t take you long to completely knock out on the hard tile. Although that last sentence continued to replay over and over; taunting you as a painful reminder that you were living your actual nightmare, it was the fact that he gave up on you so easily as if you meant nothing to him that really killed you.

Was he planning to breakup with you and used this argument to actually go along with it? How long ago did he decide he no longer wanted to be with you? Everything seemed to be going so good for the two of you; so when did he decide he had enough of your relationship? You weren’t surprised when you woke up the next morning with an extremely painful migraine and a crook in your neck.

This is why you despised any type of alcohol and never understood why Mark and his friends constantly went out to bars whenever they hung out. However, you felt as if this was going to be your way to ease the pain and knowing that alone made you want to cry again. After taking a few moments to process what you were going to do for the rest of the day, you got up to take some pain killers and to look at your current state to see how much of a mess you probably were.

Almost half an hour later, you found the strength to get up and walked to your bathroom. Your head was throbbing and your bones ached from sleeping on the floor, but nothing hurt even half as much as your heart did. As soon as you saw your reflection, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. You looked horrible. Your hair looked like a bird’s nest; tangled and all over the place. You had mascara stained on your cheeks, your eyes were puffy and if you weren’t so numb, you would’ve screamed at the wine stain in the dress you were wearing; your favorite dress to be exact.

Mark bought you that dress a couple of months ago because he knew it would look good on you and he was right. The first time you wore it, it didn’t stay on for too long. It was your favorite dress for many reasons; not only did your boyfriend buy it for you, but as someone who was extremely insecure with her body, no matter how many times Mark would make it known how much he loved your body and thought you were the most beautiful and sexiest woman to exist, the dress made you feel beautiful.

You wore this dress with so much confident but now, it was stained with a deep maroon color right around the chest area and it was a brief representation of the hell you were going through. Like the fool that you were, the fool who was madly in love with the person you wished you could hate right now, you checked your phone to see if he tried to get in touch with you at all and you felt your stomach sink when you saw nothing.

No texts, no calls, no voicemails, no “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”, no “I love you” or “I miss you.” Couples went through breakups all the time so why did you feel pathetic for something you weren’t at fault for? The rest of the week felt like you were dreaming the same nightmare over and over again. You could still see the anger and rage in his eyes when he told you that you were annoying and that he wasted his night with you when he could’ve gone out with his friends. You were sure there was a chance he was with them right now and you didn’t care at all.

If he was so quick to let you go without a care in the world, you weren’t going to allow yourself to cry over him no matter how much you wanted to. But you were only human. Three years may not be considered “a long relationship” and you were still kind of young to get married and settle down but you knew Mark was the man you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with. The two of you talked about your futures on multiple occasions and every time Mark would talk about his plans, you were in each one.

On the fifth day, you came to terms with the idea that it was really over. You tried lying to yourself by thinking that he was going to come back and that he just needed some time to calm down, but you gave up on that idea entirely knowing how Mark could be. Two things about the older boy that you could do without was his pride and how stubborn he could be.

He tried his best not to show you those sides of him because he didn’t want you thinking negatively of him or being afraid of him; however there were occasions where he would get in to it with one of his friends because he always had to have the last word. With that being said, you knew Mark wasn’t going to give in. He wasn’t going to initiate reconciling with you even if that’s what he wanted because that’s just who he was.

A week away from work was what you needed to really try and get yourself together again. It wasn’t until your mom called asking how you were doing and if you and Mark wanted to stop by for dinner that you realized you weren’t okay nor were you ready to go out and put on a fake smile while pretending nothing was wrong. When your mom called you, you let her go to voicemail multiple times.

Although your mom was your best friend and you probably needed someone to be there to comfort you during your heartbreak, you weren’t ready for pity or sympathy. The only person you needed was Jack Daniels. You hated what you had become in less than a weak and you hated that you allowed Mark to have this effect on you. It was only natural for you to be responding to your breakup in this way; you were only human. But you were now a pathetic alcoholic who was wasting her time crying over a man who was no longer in her life.

Three shots of vodka, two beers and one shot of tequila later and you absentmindedly left a lengthy voicemail to your mom, telling her exactly what happened all the while begging her to let you stay at your parent’s house for a couple of days. Maybe even weeks. Deep down, you knew you needed to be around people no matter how much you enjoyed being alone because your mind always found away to think about Mark.

You told her how Mark yanked out your heart and stepped on it repeatedly. You told her about getting drunk every single day for the last week, how much you hated him for what he was putting you through and how you hated that you were letting such a stupid boy control your emotions. You also asked her if your dad could come over on one of his days off to take a look at your door. She didn’t take long to respond back to you nor were you surprised when you heard her knocking on your door while she quickly pulled you in to her embrace once you opened it.

“Oh yeah sweetheart, you really broke your poor door. Come here baby, mama’s got you.”

She helped you bring your bags to the car and the two of you stayed in silence the entire ride to your parent’s house. You had a feeling she had a few questions she wanted to ask you and that there was a couple of things she wanted to say but you were glad that the only noise in her car was the sound of the air conditioner. You weren’t ready for any kind of human interaction or a conversation you knew would drive you even more crazy.

All you wanted was for your mom to rock you back and forth like how she used to when you were younger and tell you that everything was going to be okay even if you lost all hope on it being so. When she pulled up to the garage, she told you to stay put so that she could help you get out of your car and you felt like such a child. Out of all your siblings, you were the closest one to your mom and even if you were an adult living on your own with a full time job and everything, you were always going to be her little girl.

Seeing your child cry was always painful for a mother, but because the reason behind your sadness was something out of her control, she felt like she couldn’t do anything but console you and get you whatever you needed to try and make you feel better. Once you made it inside of the house, she led you to your old bedroom and let you get settled in so that she could prepare you something to eat. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you weren’t all that hungry; you haven’t had much of an appetite in the last week and you were sure she noticed your sudden weight loss.

A part of you wanted to ask her to forget about it, especially because being in your old room brought back so many memories of Mark and how he would sneak in on school nights and how the two of you would stay up talking about anything your hearts desired. Being alone wasn’t something you’d think you’d ever get used to, especially because Mark was like your shadow. Wherever you went, Mark followed and unlike most people who would probably complain about his clinginess, you enjoyed it profusely.

Knowing that Mark always craved your presence and needed to be around you to maintain his sanity made your heart flutter. This has been the longest you had to be without him and every day felt like an entire month. It’s as if time went by frustratingly slow because the universe was aware of your heartbreak and wanted to make you suffer for whatever reason you were unsure of.

Taking a look around your old bedroom, you could feel your chest grow heavy when you saw the few pictures you had of you and Mark from when you were growing up and tears were soon building up at your eyes. The two of you looked so happy together; you were just a couple of kids who dreamt about so many wonderful things that life had to offer. Little did either of you know that one day, you would fall in love with one another before you could even comprehend the meaning behind that silly four letter word.

You silently cursed to yourself for getting all worked up again; you came to your parent’s house as a way to heal on your own and to surround yourself with people who love you and care about your well-being. You just needed to have some kind of support system or else you’d drive yourself crazy back at your apartment thinking about what you could’ve done to have prevented the breakup from happening. The gentle knock on your door took you by surprise and you almost ended up dropping the frame.

She released a long sigh before she walked over toward you and took the picture from out of your hands. The last thing your mom wanted to do was to make you even more upset by saying something to trigger you or cause you to overthink. But she couldn’t handle seeing you so broken; so defeated especially because you were an actual ray of sunshine. Your smile alone could light up an entire room and your personality was so bright and bubbly, people enjoyed your company because of your enthusiasm.

As much as your mom liked Mark to the point where she would secretly plan out your future wedding with his mom whenever they’d go out to lunch together, she wanted to find him and make him regret what he did to her baby girl. She was shocked to say the least when she got your voicemail and at first, she couldn’t even understand what you were saying because your speech was so slurred and she couldn’t hear a word you were saying through your tears. Mark made it known to his surroundings that you were his entire world and all he cared about was making sure you were well taken cared of and that you were happy, healthy and got everything you deserved. You were so agitated just by seeing his photo and you wanted to scream.

He was probably already over the entire thing and although it killed you to think like this, you couldn’t help but feel as if he was already looking for someone new. Why else would he have left you so easily? There must’ve been someone on the side but who were you kidding? That man planned an entire night out for you; to celebrate your life together. Your mind came up with all these different reasons for the breakup so you could get some closure but you weren’t stupid. You knew Mark loved you, you just couldn’t find a reason why he would tell you he regrets your relationship and wishes he never met you.

You despised yourself for trusting Mark with your entire being; for allowing him to see each and every part of you. The good, the bad, the ugly. You hated that he was the only man you’ve ever loved with your entire physical, mental and spiritual being. You were upset with yourself for falling so hard for him and giving him the control to do such a thing to your heart. The feeling of being in your mom’s arms again after moving out almost two years ago was extremely comforting and very calming.

She ran her fingers through your hair and continued to stay silent and waited until you stopped crying completely before telling you exactly what was on her mind. After your sobs slowly died down, she tapped on your forehead to get your attention.

“Sweetheart, have I ever told you the story of when your father left me back when we were in college?”

You shook your head in disagreement but widened your eyes in shock at her revelation. From what you were told, your parents were college sweethearts. Your dad fell in love with her when one of their mutual friends asked him to pick her up from work once and he was extremely grateful that their car was in the shop at that time or else he would have never met his soulmate.

They’ve been together for over twenty years and not once have you heard this story, but now you were heavily interested. You always loved hearing stories about your parents relationship; it gave you high hopes for your own relationship and since you were going through a breakup right now, you could only hope the story would lift up your spirits.

“We were together for only three months at the time and it was the first relationship I had where I genuinely cared for him. He was so kind, so flirtatious and used the cheesiest pickup lines to make me laugh. I knew he was going to be someone special in my life. Unfortunately, at the time your dad was the only one in his group of friends that was in a relationship. They told him that being in a relationship was “lame” and that he was still so young to be wasting his time being tied down to one girl. He tried to defend and fight for our relationship, but his friends continued to pester him over it, so he broke up with me. I was devastated, I cried for hours on end and couldn’t eat anything. But he showed up only three days later with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a bucket of fried chicken. He told me he loved me and refused to be without me. It was quire romantic if you ask me.”

You giggled at the idea of your dad asking your mom to take him back with some Popeyes. You were upset to hear that your dad’s friends coerced him in to breaking up with her. However, you were happy to hear that it didn’t take too long for him to realize your mom was it for him.

“He’ll be back y/n. I know he will. That boy—he loves you. He doesn’t need to say it out loud, I can tell in his actions and with the way he looks at you that he’s head over heels in love with you. His mom also mentioned it a couple times; he’s—what is that word kids your age use these days? Whipped for you? She said he has stars in his eyes whenever you come up in conversation. It’s serious when a boy talks about you to his momma. One day when the two of you are married with a family of your own, you’ll look back on this little bump in the road and laugh—“

“Please don’t say that. You didn’t see the way he looked at me when he told me all of those hurtful things. It didn’t even feel like he was my boyfriend, it was as if I was looking at a stranger. It makes me wonder, did he ever really love me if he had no problem leaving me?”

“I’m serious y/n. I don’t know what things were said that night or how things ended up the way they did, but when it’s real, when it’s love, you just know. He probably looks just as bad and if not worse than you do. I know it hurts. Breakups are rough, especially because it’s obvious you and Mark were made for one another. But what have I always told you? If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours forever and if it doesn’t, well baby, it just simply wasn’t meant to be. He was probably just in the heat of the moment and said some things he probably didn’t mean. I’m sure he’s regretting this entire thing. Mark’s a smart boy; if he knows what’s best for him, he’ll be yours again in no time. Until then, get out of this funk y/n. There’s so many wonderful things in the world to do and to be grateful for. Do you really want to look back on your twenties and regret wasting your time crying over a boy when you could be doing so many different activities and go on so many adventures?”

You released a frustrated sigh and shook your head again. She was right. You were tired of crying and drinking so much. There was only so much alcohol your body could handle and it wasn’t worth all the hangovers.

“Maybe we should tell your dad what happened so he can mess around with him a little bit and teach him a lesson.”

The idea and the way your mom said it made you let out a genuine laugh. Your parents were always so protective over you and it was probably because you were so kind-hearted that people tended to take advantage of how polite you could be. However, even if she meant it as a joke, you were nervous at what your dad would do if he found out about what Mark said to you and how the breakup was slowly killing you. You were a daddy’s girl and your dad never failed to do anything to make you smile; even if it meant scaring your ex-boyfriend which you knew you didn’t want him doing.

Your mom stayed with you for a few hours until it was timed for her to make dinner and you ended up falling asleep because of how mentally exhausted you were. No matter how much your mom loved it whenever you stayed over, she didn’t want you to get used to running away from your problems and hiding when things got too difficult. She wanted you to learn to live without him on your own. Your mom knew that you were going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but one day you would heal from this entire situation and realize that your breakup was a learning experience.

Plus, you had to return back to work sooner or later or you would lose your job completely. A cloud of sadness came once your dad pulled up to your apartment complex and they offered to walk you to your door but you weren’t sure if you’d allow them to leave if they did. They both pulled you in for hugs as they said their goodbyes and you actually cried as you watched them drive away. Why did life have to be so complicated? You were so unhappy to the point where you thought you would actually die from a broken heart.

The aspect of dying from a broken heart was extremely devastating; you’ve heard about it on multiple occasions. It was normal for people to be so sad, so distraught and have no energy or motivation to do anything. They wouldn’t eat, sleep and only spend most of their days crying out what was left of their hearts. You didn’t think going through a breakup would cause this much damage to you and your well-being; but contrary to what your mom told you, Mark wasn’t just any boy. He was the owner of your heart and you understood that he could torment you like this because you allowed him to.

You stopped by the mailbox to see if you got anything before heading up to your apartment. When your parents were driving you back to your place, you decided that you would actually get up and do something today. Whether it was tidying up your place from how messy it had become from your one too many drunken stupors, or going to the cleaners to get that wine stain out of your dress. As you began to approach your unit, you noticed there was something sitting right in front of your door.

The closer you got, you realized that it wasn’t just something, it was someone. Your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest when you realized exactly who the person was slumped up against the wall. It was exactly a week since your fight and you weren’t sure if it was what your mom had said about your love and how beautiful it was, or because you were miserable without him but you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and beg him to come back to you.

You expected to be angry if you were to see him again because of all the trauma you suffered through; yet seeing him tugged on your heartstrings and it was as if you pushed the entirety of the last week to the back of your mind. When Mark heard footsteps coming towards him and he looked up to see who it was, he had to hold himself back from running towards you. Your mom was right, just like she normally was.

This week was one of the worst weeks of his entire life. He was suffering without you. He never hated himself more than he did when he said all those things and he hated himself even more for not running after you as soon as those spiteful words fell from his mouth. You were the best thing that has ever happened to him, and if things were to end up differently that night, he would’ve been able to show you exactly what you meant to him in more ways than one.

He wanted to call you, to text you and to tell you how stupid he was and how he didn’t mean a single word that he said to you but words were never his forte. Nor did he want to give up his pride even if it meant preventing this last week from ever happening. It was all his fault, or so he kept telling himself and he couldn’t go one more day without you in his life. It was too much for his heart to withstand.

He was going to do everything in his power to get you to forgive him, even if it meant having to stay away from you for a little while longer for you to completely heal from this experience. As soon as he drove away from your apartment that night, he knew he fucked up and accidentally punched a hole in his wall out of anger. He was so selfish; so insensitive and didn’t think that his harsh words would have any negative effect on you.

After hearing your little jabs at him, he wanted to hit you where it hurt the most but if he knew then what he knew now, he would’ve kept his mouth shut and just dropped you home so that you both could calm down and not say everything you both said to one another. You let out a deep breath and tried to prepare your heart to hear why he was there and to be ready to fight if the situation called for it.

“Hey.”

You looked up at him and you could feel tears brimming at your eyelids. He looked so tired and you knew for a fact that he must’ve cried with how his eyes practically mirrored the puffiness of yours. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent and his face looked smaller than it already was. It made you cringe; Mark was never one to portray himself as someone weak or someone who had feelings and emoted whenever something was up with him. If he had a problem, he’d deal with it on his own and this was no different.

Good. He deserved to have suffered as much as you did.

“Hi. How long have you been here for?” He shrugged before scratching the back of his head; something he normally did when he felt like he was in the wrong or whenever he was embarrassed and you took it as the former.

“Um—since Wednesday I think.”

Your eyes widened in shock at his answer. Wednesday? So that means he was sitting outside of your apartment for the last three days?

“Wait, you’ve been here for three days? Are you crazy? Mark, you could’ve gotten sick! It’s cold out here! And what about food? Have you even been eating? You look so malnourished, why would you—“

“You and I both know why. I fucked up. Big time. It took me a while to think about it at this perspective because I was just so mad and I wanted to blame you for the way things ended that night but I came to the conclusion that this was my fault. I’m the one who fucked up something so amazing, so beautiful and so perfect because I was a fucking asshole y/n and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

In order to prevent wandering eyes of your neighbors, you opened the door and motioned for him to walk inside so that the two of you could have your privacy.

“Shit y/n, what happened to your door? You have to practically force it open—“

“You don’t want to know. My dad is supposed to come over this weekend to try and fix it. I think the hinges must’ve came out or something. Can I get you something to eat? Drink?”

He shook his head and you could see in your peripheral vision that he was hesitatingly reaching out for your hand, probably in attempts to bring you to the couch so he could continue the conversation from where the two of you began from but he just walked over to the living room and took a seat. You wanted to hear everything he had to say and you were going to make it a point to let him know what this breakup did to you.

His focus was on the multiple empty bottles of alcohol sitting on your coffee table and because he was well aware of how much you hated alcohol, it was apparent that you must’ve had it really rough if you felt the need to turn to alcohol for solace. When he felt like he was ready to talk, he turned around to face you and released an exasperated sigh.

“I’m sorry it took so long to come here—oh, these are for you. I actually had to go back to the store because the first two bouquets actually died probably because they weren’t being watered and I bought your favorite cookies—but I got hungry so there’s only three left.”

He handed you the beautiful bouquet of sunflowers and you giggled at the sight of only three cookies in a big container but it made you smile nonetheless.

How romantic.

You politely thanked him and placed both of the gifts down on the table before speaking up.

“You should’ve called me, I wouldn’t allow you to have waited out here for me. Are you crazy Mark? What if something happened to you—“

“Then so be it. I’d probably deserve it. Fuck, you don’t understand how much of a mess I was without you and how much I’ve been suffering because the image of your pained face would not leave my mind once this entire weekend. I had a feeling you weren’t home when you weren’t answering the door but then again, you could’ve looked through the peephole and decided you wanted nothing to do with me and I wouldn’t have blamed you. The old lady next door was kind enough to offer me some food here and there but I’m sure she probably thought I was a thief or something when she first saw me. I should’ve called but you and I both know why I didn’t. I kinda wanted to give you your space because I’m sure what I said probably got under your skin. I ruined our special day and I’m sorry if I broke your heart—with the way you’re looking at me I’m sure I hurt you pretty badly huh.”

You looked up at him with a melancholic look in your eyes; that had to be the understatement of the year. If you didn’t have your family around to help you take your mind off of your failed relationship, you were sure you would have ended up in the hospital sooner or later.

“You broke me Mark. You made me feel like I was worthless. You made me think there was someone else or that you fell out of love with me and I genuinely wanted to die. Pathetic right? I just—I didn’t know how to function without you and waking up every morning felt like a chore. At some points I felt like I couldn’t even breathe. I’ve heard heartbreaks caused by breakups were an unfathomable pain that are impossible to bounce back from and some people even die from a broken heart I just never would’ve thought it would happen to me. Especially because we were so happy; so in love and I would have never thought one stupid, meaningless argument could cause us to separate. You made it seem like leaving me was so easy and hearing that you wished that we never dated in the first place is what truly fucked me over. I became a fucking alcoholic because of you—I blamed the entire breakup on myself even if I didn’t say anything that I knew would inflict any sort of pain to you because the idea of hurting you hurts me. It’s sad to know you don’t feel that way.”

“That’s where you’re wrong y/n. I regretted everything that I said as soon as I said them but the damage was already done. Please believe me when I say this, I didn’t mean a fucking word. That was just the anger and the irritation talking for me. My life before you always felt so empty, and once you came in to it, you made everything so much better. You filled my life with color and made my heart soar by just the mere thought of you. I could never regret you or our relationship; you’re all I could ever want or need in this hell forsaken world. You know the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you—“

“BUT YOU DID MARK.”

You didn’t mean to yell, but it was all the built up emotions you’ve been holding in that finally released itself and you knew you wouldn’t be able to forget the way he shivered at your tone. Not once in the many years of knowing you did Mark ever see you so mad. You were always such a shy and introverted person; he didn’t think you were capable of such an intonation. He hated that he was the reason for your hostility and he was afraid that it was too late. It may have only been a week, but what you went through was enough to change your warm-hearted personality in to a cold and aggressive one.

“Nothing will ever change the fact that you gave up on us—on me. If you knew there was a chance that your words would affect me the way that they did, then you wouldn’t have said anything at all; but you said it all without hesitation like you did mean it. I was coming to accept our breakup for what it was. Sure I was hoping you would come back; hell this is the closest I ever felt to God because I found myself praying every single day for him to show me a sign. For him to heal me and make it known that I would be okay. I’d be lying if I said I’m not the least bit content that you’re here but—I really don’t know what to make of that.”

To your surprise, he made his way toward you and reached for your hands. As intimidated he was by how you were acting towards him, he knew he had to grow some balls and man up, or he would lose you forever and the tiny box that was in his pocket would no longer have any use.

“I don’t know what to say or do that would explain how sorry I am and how much I wish I could go back in time and prevent any of this from happening. I don’t know how to stop you from hurting, and to get you to forgive me—I‘ll do anything to fix this y/n. Please—tell me what to do. I can’t—I can’t lose you. Tell me you don’t love me, and then I’ll—I’ll—fuck, there’s no way I can let you go. Please baby—you asked God for a sign and I came here tonight to try and fix my mistakes. That has to mean something right?”

Hearing him sound so desperate, so willing to do whatever you wanted him to in order to bring your relationship back to what it was made you feel so many emotions. As much as you wanted him to give you some time to think, you knew you’d take him back. It was going to take some time to forgive him, and to get his words out of your mind completely, but Mark was everything you ever wanted for the rest of your life.

Why were you going to continue suffering on your own and staying away from him when all you wanted was to have him back in your life? You cupped his cheek softly with your palm and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Feeling him smile against your lips sent a fire through your veins; Mark’s kisses always had quite the effect on you. His lips were so pink and so pretty and you loved every single moment that they were pressed against yours.

“You can start by paying for my dry cleaning. I got a huge wine stain on the dress I was wearing because I got drunk.” He giggled in to your neck before placing a chaste kiss there.

“Done. You silly girl. God, I missed you so much baby. I also think I have something that could win me some brownie points but I hope tonight ends the way last week should have.”

The question of what he was referring to was at the tip of your tongue, but before you could emit anything, he was now kneeling on the ground right in front of you and pulled out a red box. Your heart began to race on a you put two and two together; he was going to propose to you.

“I know, this is probably not how you wanted this to happen and I promise you I had different ways in mind on doing this—but after losing you, I realized that it didn’t matter how, where or when I would ask you to spend the rest of your life with me; all that matters is that I did. I was actually planning on proposing you at the beach once we were finished eating, but I chickened out like the coward that I am. And I guess I was irritated with myself and took it out on you that night and I know I said it so many times, but I will continue apologizing until I make up for all the pain I’ve put you through. I’m sorry y/n. I don’t deserve you—I don’t deserve being able to do this right now but this last week without you made me realize that I can’t live if I have to do it without you.”

He grazed your wrist with his thumb and you were sure he did that to calm down his nerves, but it was so cute. You loved seeing him so flustered and so nervous and you loved knowing that you were the reason behind his now shy demeanor.

“I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember. Every time I would drop you back home once we hung out back in high school, I felt this emptiness in my chest. Then I realized how much I loved hearing you laugh knowing that I was the reason behind it. I loved spending time with you and being around you. I loved the feeling I got whenever we were together. You and I can literally do nothing but I’m my happiest when I’m with you and that’s when I realized you were more than just a friend to me. These last few years with you have made me the happiest man alive. You mean everything to me baby—I wish I would’ve told you this sooner so we wouldn’t have wasted time apart but I’ll make up for it the rest of my life—if you let me of course. I’ll take good care of you my love. I’ll continue to love you and give you the world on a silver platter. Y/n, will you do me the greatest honor and marry me?”

You were sure if someone else were in your shoes, they probably would’ve said no right off the bat. Heartbreak really did change a person. It made your whole aspect on life change for the worse and you knew you weren’t the same person you were a week ago. But you’ve dreamt about this situation on many accounts. There were times where you’d sleep over Mark’s place and you’d stay up looking at him in admiration and thinking about what your future together would look like.

Sure, you would have preferred this surprise before all the unfortunate events that happened, but you were excited and speechless nonetheless. You sank to your knees and sat down on his lap; bringing your hands up to his face and pulling his lips up to yours. You couldn’t help the snicker that fell from the back of your throat when you felt a tear fall from his eyes on to your cheek. His hands were tight on your waist as he deepened the kiss, licking and sucking on your lips before all but gently shoving his tongue in between your teeth. When you felt his excitement pressing against your core, you pulled away and ignored the choked out whine that fell from his lips as you placed your forehead against his.

“Yes. I would love to marry you Mark. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Thank you for coming back to me love.”

The way he was looking up at you pulled on your heartstrings; you couldn’t wait to tell your mom of the news. You knew she would probably hit you with “I told you so” but she would also be extremely happy for you. He abruptly stood up and took you with him, wrapping your thighs around his waist. You knew exactly what his plans were as he made his way to your room and you were excited to say the least at what he was going to do with you.

Once the two of you entered the bedroom, he didn’t waste anytime throwing you on to the bed and attacking your face with kisses as he ran his hands along your body; needing to touch you everywhere. Right as he began dragging his fingers along your clothed heat, he gripped at your chin and made sure you were making direct eye contact with him.

“You know, since your door is already broken, I don’t see any problem in breaking your bed also—ow! What? You’re going to be my wife one day soon, so it’s only natural for me to want to fuck the living shit out of you in celebration of our engagement—I’m actually starting to reconsider this whole marriage thing. Give me back that ring, I’m gonna go sell it and buy me the PS5–“

“You wouldn’t dare Tuan, I’ll end you—“

“Just shut up and let me love you damnit.”

You couldn’t stop the laughter that came after his little complaint. You still had yet to process that Mark was currently on top of you, ready to make love to you and to show you just how much he missed you. He playfully poked your cheek to break you out of your trance and squeezed your butt as a force of habit.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“I’m just really happy, that’s all.”

He gave you his signature cheeky grin and left a long, sloppy kiss on your lips.

“Good. That makes the two of us, and that’s the only emotion you’re going to feel now that you’re stuck with me. Now, let’s make up for lost time shall we?”

Can you ask daddy if he's got time To come and look at my front door? It got slammed last night And now it don't close right And just promise that you won't tell him everything And keep that pistol in the drawer Mama, please don't say I'm gonna laugh about this someday You didn't see the way he drove away

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart? Oh, a broken heart

Can your knees give out from prayin' so hard? (Prayin' so hard) Can you go blind from cryin' in the dark? (In the dark) Was it ever really real If he don't feel like I feel?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart? A broken heart

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #got7 mark #mark tuan imagines

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frenchibi · 4 years

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hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

#French speaks #rec #media recs #book rec #thank you so much for this seriously

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omega-deku · 5 years

Note

So I would love to progress on my art and try comics any tips? ÙwÚ

Hi! I’m so sorry about the late reply. D: I hope you don’t mind if I take this opportunity to address all the anon messages about how we can improve as artists.

I have a tough time answering this question because there is so much I need to learn. I’m super flattered that some of you feel that my art is good enough to ask me for tips, first of all!! So thank you, guys.

It’s a struggle because I only recently started taking up art again. So I’ve forgotten a lot of the things. So I’m probably not the best person to ask about this.

I used to draw all the time as a kid, but after high school, I stopped drawing. I stopped drawing for almost a decade, pretty much. I really regret it. I feel like I could have come such a long way if I did keep going. My parents really discouraged me from pursuing art, even just as a hobby, too. Even when I left home (I’m back now tho), my ex-spouse, greatly discouraged me from doing art too. I mean, “proper” art. They told me my art wasn’t “real art” because it’s not studio art, it’s “sellout” art, like anime/cartoons/fanart. I had even worse self-esteem as I do now, and I listened to them and gave up. I convinced myself I hated drawing.

Please don’t deny yourself things that make you feel engaged and connected. If drawing makes you feel good, if it makes you not realize how much time has passed and makes you feel like you’re accomplishing things, even little by little, please don’t stop. Even if you suffer from depression and feel like things like this are pointless, remember that just doing things in general will help you. Drawing is an awesome way to get into the flow state. To me personally, it’s almost like a meditative state and I find it helpful in dealing with chronic pain and mental health issues.

Anyways, I’ll try to compile some advice sort of things.

ART IN GENERAL

1. Draw what you enjoy! I think the most important thing is to draw what you like. It’s okay if it’s “dumb stuff”. Draw your favorite characters or pairings from your favorite tv shows if that tickles your fancy! You’re much more likely to be spending more time drawing if you’re drawing stuff you like. And as long as you’re drawing, you’re improving. (But still, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone!)

Especially for those of you who are planning to pursue art as a career, it’s essential that you don’t view practicing art as a chore.

2. Draw from life. If you really want to take your art to the next level, drawing from life is vital! I think many of us have come across artists who are just amazing, but there are things that look a little “off”. For example, the anatomy doesn’t look quite right, or the perspective is a little wonky. Things like that can be a tell that they’ve learned to draw from other people’s art rather than from life. Or just haven’t practiced the basics enough. (My art isn’t amazing or anything close to that lmao, but it definitely suffers from this. I need lots of life drawing practice.)

There is nothing wrong with learning from your favorite artists, but to really train your “artist’s eye”, you need to strip away all the stylistic choices and go back to the basics. Training that Eye is one of the most crucial things you could do as an artist.

Just take a piece of paper, a pencil and start drawing what you see. If you can, take figure drawing classes at your local community college, or draw the animals you see at the zoo. Sit on a bench and draw the scenery in front of you. Over time, you’ll start to recognize common patterns, simplify/think of things in terms of lines and shapes.

If you can’t afford a class or have the ability to go outside easily, drawing from photographs can be the next best thing. (See the Resources below for an online figure drawing tool.) I’m not experienced enough to definitively say why this isn’t the #1 idea, but from what I hear, there are things that you’ll miss out on, such as subtle shifts in shadows, colors, and other things that will happen from small movements in pose changes, a cloud moving, or whatever else. A different “feel”, if you will.

With the digital art boom, a lot of artists are learning how to do cool digital effects and fancy things, but forgoing basic anatomy, perspective, shading, etc. Which is all fine if you’re just having fun, but isn’t the best idea if you’re really serious about improving. Practice the fundamentals!

(If you have been dreaming about CalArts at one point like I did when I was in high school, one advice I came across from everyone who went there was to draw from life. All the time. It’s not an answer I expected from people who draw funny looking characters all day. You mean all these people who draw such simplified cartoon people and animals can actually draw like masters? Perfectly rendered bowls of fruit? I didn’t realize how much work goes into animating simple characters.)

3. Put in the time.

It’s really easy to get suckered into just watching “how to improve” videos all day and thinking about improving. Watching how other artists work is an important learning tool, but you’ll never actually make progress if you aren’t practicing.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to not think about it. Just do it.

It’s like when I’m spending a whole lotta time thinking about getting physically fit than just, you know.. just doing it. “Tomorrow for sure.”

It may seem like it’s worthless, but doing those lame 5 push-ups a day instead of the 20-minute workout you wanted to put in, is better than nothing at all. You are making progress, no matter how small it may seem.

Make it a habit to practice every day. That way, you don’t even hesitate. It’s as automatic as brushing your teeth.

All the artists you see who have fantastic, awe-inspiring art may seem like Unreachable Gods sometimes, but those artists didn’t just pull that out of their ass one day. They put in hours and hours and hours of work. Let’s not disrespect other artists by ignoring that and chalking it up to “talent”. No one is born with an innate ability to draw. WE can get there too if we practice!

I want to get good enough to draw the things I have in my head one day!

Some resources that may be helpful:

Draw a Box - This is a site for free lessons for absolute beginners. Look under “Lessons” to learn. The creator of the site is the mod for r/ArtFundamentals. You can post your work there to get critiqued.

Check out Proko’s videos on gesture drawing, art fundamentals, etc. Daily routines of successful artists.

Use this site to practice figure drawing, gesture drawing - Set aside some time to practice drawing people and animals every day. Start trying to see things as lines, shapes, and go big. Don’t get too caught up in the details, and tiny drawings. Learning to draw fast (not draw FAST as in speed, but as in capture the gesture in a post, the “feel” of the movement) will force you to do this more, and with more experience, make your figures less stiff looking.

And it’s okay if you’re aren’t good at it. You’ll make loads and loads of shit drawings until you can get decent.

I’m most definitely in this stage right now, trying to train my Artist’s Eye. As in, I can’t just draw a figure from memory. I don’t really know what goes where without a reference, or how they move, etc. You can tell by how stiff my drawings look.

Lulusketches How to Improve video - She has similar advice, but her point about looking at “Art of” books something I have come across from multiple professional artists; Her advice on worrying about finding your own “style” is really good too. Do challenges like she said!

Her playlist of art tutorials & advice is great. They’re short and sweet. Her beginner digital art tutorial got me started on digital art (the one with Ginny Weasley).

Not free ($30 a month), but these online Schoolism classes look helpful. It’s run by Bobbie Chiu. I saw some great reviews and I want to try them someday. They’re taught by artists in the animation/film industry. But you gotta have a basic grasp on digital art/photoshop for many of the classes, I think? I’m not 100% sure. They’re pre-recorded video lessons.

You can pay more for feedback from the teachers, but you can also just use it as a self-learning guide.

This drawing faces from any angle video was pretty helpful for me. The artist has loads of other tutorials.

COMICS

I don’t feel qualified enough to give much advice on comics. I mean, I don’t even draw the lines for the boxes, haha.. However, these comic books are basically required reading for some courses:

Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics & Making Comics.

I can’t remember which one it is that I read, I think it was Making Comics? But wow, if I remember correctly, it was FULL of really useful things about how to make effective comics. I lost the book while moving years ago, but it was FANTASTIC learning material. I loved every panel of it.

He talks about everything from perspective, placement of characters, speech bubbles, how big panels should be, etc.

If you can afford it, get a used one and start reading! Even if you don’t want to make comics just yet, it’s super interesting.

#art #comics #art reference #art resources #asks #text #okay i fixed some of the links now #added better stuff

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 years

Text

The unofficial “Change, In All Things, Is Inevitable” playlist.

Here’s some of the music I listened to while working on this fic, plus a few key lyrics and some commentary about each song:

------------

Gladiator – Zayde Wolf

Imma give you a second just to catch your breath / 'Cause I can see that your heart is jumpin' out your chest / I know you gave it all 'cause I've already seen your best, and it’s time you accepted this

Let me tell ya / I've got every reason to fight

This song is great because it pumps me up and then 1 minute and 50 seconds into it, the tone does a complete 180 and gives me serious chills. It reminds me of current Megatron vs. past Megatron, and his initial motivation for starting the Decepticon revolution in the first place. I think he lost his guiding principles along the way, but his anger and gladiator might hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s a perfect Megatron song for obvious (and not so obvious) reasons.

Church – Fall Out Boy

Megatron: Take the pain / Make it billboard big then swallow it for me / Time-capsule for the future / Trust me, that's what I will be Soundwave: Oh, the things that you do in the name of what you love Orion Pax: I love the world but I just don't love the way it makes me feel

Church makes me think of the early days of the revolution when Orion, Soundwave, and Megatronus were all working together towards the same goal. The chorus is fitting for all of them; their friendship was a sanctuary of sorts, and it gave them the kind of support / relationship none of them ever had before (at least in Megatron’s case). Friendship was a novel, strange, but wonderful thing. Pity it didn’t last long :’I

If I’m being completely honest, Toastyhat’s animatic for this song definitely influenced my associations, what with the gladiator ring and all that, haha. It’s a fantastic animation, and I highly recommend checking it out if you haven’t already.

Meet Me on the Battlefield – Svrcina

We carry on through the storm / Tired soldiers in this war / Remember what we're fighting for Our tainted history, is playing on repeat / But we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead When I was younger, I was named / A generation unafraid / For heirs to come, be brave

This melancholic song is a perfect fit for the tone of the war, and Optimus’ feelings on it. Poor guy never expressed interest in being a Prime, but he never really got a say in the matter. The best he can do is keep moving forward hoping it’ll one day come to an end.

(Side note: someone’s done a TFP AMV with this song! Go check it out.)

Run to You – Pentatonix

I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long / But I've lost your war and our kingdom is gone I will break down the gates of heaven / A thousand angels stand waiting for me

Very much a melancholic unrequited Soundwave --> Megatron song. I don’t care how many times I listen to this; my heart always aches for poor Soundwave and the ending he got in TFP. He would’ve gone to hell and back for Megatron (and I suppose, in a way, he did).

Battle Cry – Imagine Dragons

Stars are only visible in darkness / Fear is ever-changing and evolving Nobody can save you now / The only sound is the battle cry

Another great song for Megatron! He reveled in his fights as a gladiator, and war is no different. It’s his challenge to Optimus and anyone else who'd dare oppose him. In essence, I see it as Megatron’s “If you’re not with me, then you’re against me, and you’d better be damn well prepared to be treated like an enemy” song.

The “stars are only visible in darkness” line also reminds me of Optimus and Megatron’s conversation in IDW’s “The Transformers” #22 comic, where Megatron goads Optimus, saying he would’ve been no one and nothing without him / the war:

Also: I genuinely had no idea this was a Bayverse song until recently so sHHH LET ME LIVE

Chains – Radical Face

I thought I had control, that I could always walk away if things turned bad / We were thick as thieves 'til I became the one who always went too far / And I couldn't hear you In the end I'm lost / And I'll drag you down yeah, that's my cost / But I'm glad you were my friend

Finally, the song that helped inspire this fic! Definitely gives me strong MegaOp vibes. Despite everything that wound up happened, Megatron and Optimus were each other’s biggest influences for a loooong time. That’s not the kind of thing that can be forgotten easily! I think Megatron was briefly reminded of the friendship they once had at the end of Predacon Rising. Megatron doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who has regrets, but I still wonder if anything akin to it crossed his mind before the end.

A few bonus lighthearted joke songs: A Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles This song came up on my playlist while I was editing some early chapters where Megatron / Orion / Soundwave were still buddies, which I thought was ironic, sweet, and a little bit sad. Take A Chance On Me – ABBA An example of a song I associated with a character as a joke, then thought about WAY too much to the point where it’s no longer a joke. Anyways, please imagine Soundwave playing this every time Megatron passes him up in favor of the Decepticon’s latest traitorous and/or knuckleheaded senior officer. (Seriously though, why on EARTH do you have your most loyal officer as your third in command, Megatron??? Stability and competence clearly mean nothing to you).

Strawberry Blond – Mitski

All I need, darling, is a life in your shape / I picture it, soft, and I ache

This song is perhaps a little bit too wistful / lighthearted for the TFP continuity, but the tone (and the topic of unrequited love) reminded me of a young love-struck Orion Pax. (This was supposed to be a fun addition to this list but the more I think about it, the sadder I get :’I I’m so sorry your life sucked so much, Orion).

Songs reminding me of other TF continuities that nonetheless influenced this fic: Firewall – Les Friction

Deep beneath the light / A spark will now ignite You will see me now / This is my world now

A great G1 / IDW song that’s particularly good for Megatron and Optimus. I could dissect every single line of this song and create an entire MV to it, but I’ll spare you the 10 page essay. Just listen to the song and let your imagination run wild! So many lines are perfect!!! Alright I lied, here’s a few good corresponding lines: Megatron: Fear is a device / So quiet and precise / It's not what I allow / Not in my world now Rodimus / the Matrix: This force is in love with you / It wants you safe / It wants you well Shockwave / empurata: This force knows what you can do / And what you can make / With your tattered shell Optimus / the Matrix: Faith in your device / So quiet and precise / Just when, not how / You can feel it now The Autobots: Deep beneath the light / A spark will now ignite The Decepticons: You will see me now / This is our world now

Dangerous Man – Little Dume An absolutely PERFECT IDW Megatron song! Great for Megatron post- his change of heart. I actually am determined to make an MV with him for this song because it’s just that perfect.

Silhouettes – Of Monsters and Men

There's nothing that I'd take back / But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret.

Not necessarily a perfect song for TF, but these two lines from it reminded me so strongly of Megatron / Optimus I figured it was worth making note of.

#i talk #fic talk #I'd still like to do something with ''Run to You'' and / or ''Take A Chance On Me''#music rec #But ''Dangerous Man'' is the biggest one I wanna do #I've had that in mind since I heard the song #Firewall too but I really don't have the energy to draw anything for that #hooo boy I can tell I'm tired because I just wrong ''energon'' instead of ''energy''#I have no idea if anyone reads these tags but I just realized at like midnight that I forgot to write up this post #and I'm supposed to link it in tomorrow's (or I guess today's) chapter end note #so here I am hauling butt to finish writing this #cheers #This will most certainly be edited later

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sugagimmesugar · 5 years

Text

Only Fools Fall for You Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Just Namjoon.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 (In progress)

Finally he got a day off. He loved his life, his job, everything about being RM, but after months on tour, he really needed some time alone. All the members felt that way so they had parted ways right after breakfast. They had all tried to cook together, a rare treat of homeliness that as per usual ended up in chaos. The fact that they were cooking in someone else’s kitchen, since they were staying in an AirBnB, probably didn’t help either. Jin and Yoongi somehow managed to whip up something edible for all the guys, so they all left well-fed towards whatever they each had planned for their days.

Namjoon only wanted to discover yet another new town, so he spent the day wandering through the streets, occasionally popping into a shop for this and that.

This time, they had played a concert in Gothenburg, in Sweden, so the weather in Septembre was quite cold for his standards. Everybody in town was bundled up and covering their faces against the wind, so his features were easily hidden against the views of anyone who might recognize him.

After walking around town for a few hours, he decided to take a break at a record store that seemingly also had a little café and some seats where customers could listen to some of the albums for sale.

He found a table in a lonely corner and left his bag and jacket there “claiming” it for himself.

The shop was fairly empty, as to be expected on a monday in septembre. So he didn't worry about being recognized, and just went on to browse the endless shelves of records. With a low chuckle he discovered the “K-Pop” section. It was obvious that K-Pop had not quite reached this country yet, no matter how huge it already was in other parts of Europe. The “section” only consisted of one shelf which was 90% BTS and then some BlackPink. He quickly moved on to the more general selection, getting stuck, as always, on Rap.

“Hej, behöver du nån hjälp?”, he hears a voice behind him.

“Huh, sorry?”, he turns around, slightly startled by the store’s clerk, a girl around his age.

“Oh, sorry! I just asked if you need some help? Are you looking for anything in specific?” She smiles broadly, and as his surprise ebbes off, he notices more about her, the vintage jeans and red converse she’s wearing. Suppressing a laugh, he notes the sweater she’s wearing, which sports a print saying “Seduce and Destroy”.

“Haha it’s fine, I am just looking around a bit. You guys have a huge selection here so I’m just taking my time. Thank you, though.”

“Ok sure, just holla if you need something.” A short pause …..”Oh, by the way, I moved your stuff behind the counter …. a group of teens came in and you can never be too careful. So, yea, don’t worry it’s not stolen, just protected.”, she smiles at him again, his breath catching in his throat.

“ Ah, I didn’t think of that, thank you!”, trying to think of things to say to keep her in a conversation, he blurts out: “What’s your favourite artist? I have been looking through the collection here but still ended up with my old faves, I think I need some new jams. Any recommendations?”

She laughs, and looking around the store she heads straight for the pop section.

“Okay, now don’t be judgemental but this dude right here, Troye Sivan, he is incredible. I saw you with Kanye and Eminem albums so I reckon Troye is a bit different from what you usually listen to, but i recommend him 100%!” She holds up an album “Blue Neighbourhood” and another one “Bloom”.

“I will check out whatever you recommend, you’re the pro!”

“I’ll set up a listening booth for you with his albums and bring you back your stuff.”, she grins triumphantly. “As I said before, just holla if you want or need anything else.”

A few minutes later he is set up in a booth, just as she said. To top it off, he got some coffee.

Coincidentally, from his booth, he can see her workplace, the bar that is half register half café bar, so he (not-so-sneakily) watches her as she works, interacting with customers and shooting him the occasional smile or even wink.

As the music stops he realizes he didn’t even notice any lyrics or melodies, too entranced by the cute barista/clerk. “Ah shit…” he mutters to himself, trying to figure out how to restart the album as she comes walking over.

“What did you think? His voice is pretty amazing, huh?”

“Unfortunately I was a bit distracted, I didn’t manage to catch much of the music.”

“Oh sorry, that must be my fault, huh?” Another wink. It must be his lucky day.

“How ‘bout you join me at the bar. I can just show you some general recommendations and if you want you can show me some of your faves. Maybe something more interesting than Kanye and Eminem?”, she smiles at him again.

Is she flirting? No, it’s her job to be nice to customers, she is being cute for tips.

“Sure, show me all your favourites. I promise I will buy one album from your recommendations. I’ll finish my coffee and then I’ll join you.”, he smirks.

Whatever this is, a proper flirt or just a nice store clerk, he is having fun. And that’s what today is about. He already bought way too much stuff just by getting lost in all the different shops, he might as well spend his afternoon hanging out with a cute girl. Not RM, not the leader of BTS. Just some guy who likes music. Easy.

As he is sipping his coffee, he pulls out his phone to check what the others are up to.

Hobi: “Why the FUCK is it so cold here?”

Jin: “We are in Scandinavia, if u didnt notice. It’s cold here….”

Tae: “Stop being a pussy Hoseok” *image attached of the maknae line eating ice cream by the seashore*

Hobi: “….”

Namjoon can’t help but laugh, everything is as usual. Yoongi has sent him a rough mockup of a track for the next album and he plays it while checking the personal chats with the other members.

JK: “Hyung where r u”

JK: “We are somewhere at the seashore, Tae just kinda went off track somewhere….”

JK: “turns out we were just like 1 street away from a bus stop so, uh, no need to worry… we found our way to some ice cream”

JK: “since i can see youre not even reading these i guess youre having a good time. Cya”

He rolls his eyes, of course the youngest ones almost got lost in another foreign country. He quickly types an answer.

Looking up from his phone, he catches Her staring at him. She winks at him and pats the bar in front of her. He shoots her a quick smile back and gets back to checking in on the guys.

Yoongi: “new track mayb w jin & hobi??? U decide”

Joon: “ sounds good, we can work on it together when we get back”

After checking that the members are having a good day, he quickly takes some selcas to post for ARMY later.

“Done sending selfies to your girlfriend?”, the girl smiles at him as he sets down his bag at the bar, taking a seat right in front of her.

“No girlfriend, just…. family. They always want to see that I am having fun no matter where I am.”

“How sweet! Well, if you promise that you don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend I’ll introduce myself. I’m y/n. I am a student here but originally from y/h/c. Nice to meet you!”, her eyes sparkle as she smiles at him again, and he almost forgets to answer.

“I’m Namjoon, I’m visiting here from Korea for a few days.” He holds his hand out but exactly at that moment a customer comes to the register, so she turns away with an apologetic look.

She returns a few minutes later: “How ‘bout I put on my favourites on the store radio and you make me a little playlist of yours so I can check out what hot korean boys listen to. Show me some stuff I don’t know yet!” A small laugh and she bounces off again, fixing two coffees and soon he hears a synth riff playing on the speakers.

With a wide grin y/n comes twirling towards him, holding two iced coffees. Before he can think he is grinning at her and bouncing along to the music.

“This one’s on me, Namjoon. Don’t worry.”, she says as he holds out his card.

“I guess I am gonna have to buy you a drink later to make up for it.”, he laughs and takes the coffee.

Leaning on the bar, she watches him click away on his phone with a smile. His playlist slowly takes shape as he keeps stopping to properly listen to her music.

“Oh, wait! I just remembered, I actually know one korean artist, maybe you like his stuff. Let me just put it on for you.” A few seconds later he hears the notes he would recognize anywhere and almost bursts out laughing.

*we’re born in the moonlight… ain’t a fantasy*

#only fools #bts suga #bts rm #bts jiin #bts jungkook #bts jin #bts jhope #bts taehyung #bts v #btsnamjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #bts imagine #bts fanfic #rm x reader #rm x y/n

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jbbarnesandnoble · 4 years

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fern,rosemary,sage,verbena and violet for the plant asks:))🤍

thanks for the ask babes, ily

Fern: what makes you happiest?

family, friends, nature, acts of random kindness, music, snow, good food and coffee and so much more. it doesn’t take much to make me happy i guess

Rosemary: what cartoons did you grow up with?

these were (and are) my favorites. avatar: the last airbender, kim possible, my little pony, inuyasha (this one i would occasionally watch with my older sister) there were some more, but these were my favorites when i was a bit older.

Sage: greek god/goddess you relate most to?

i don't know enough about greek mythology to be able to pick one... sorry. but if you think there’s one that i relate to, PLEASE tell me! i would love to know!

Verbena: playlist for your life?

i have never thought about this before. i won’t put too many songs, but these are some that hold special memories or remind me of people/things. this is also the most random playlist ever haha

Summertime In Pairs: sort of the start of my friendship with my guy best friend

Love Story and I Want It That Way: brings me back to the last two summers and reminds me how great they were and all the new friends i made.

Classic: reminds me of one of my girl best friends

In The Hands Of The Potter, Reckless Love and Love Moved First: reminds me that i need Christ in my life and that his love for me (and everyone else) is perfect, never ending, unconditional and all comsuming and that he is still working in me and shaping me into the person he made me to be

Peter and the StarCatchers: reminds me of my brother, because he doesn’t listen to music and if he does he listens to like five songs. this is an audio book we used to listen together a lot

Everytime We Touch: reminds me of my oldest sister, we would always blast it together whenever she drove me places

any NEEDTOBREATHE: song reminds of me of my other two sisters and sister-in-law. we used to always listen to them and have been to like 3 of their concerts together

this was so much to fun do! i loved remembering different songs and having all these memories resurface, so much fun! i want to keep going but i already have so many down!

Violet: tv show most likely to binge watch?

new girl, parks and rec or avatar: tla. those are the shows i always go to when i want to binge something i’ve already seen.

#rae answers #ask games #anon

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prixmiumarchive · 7 years

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Rosemary, Verbena, Winona :D

Rosemary: what cartoons did you grow up with?

I watched reruns of things that came on Cartoon Network mostly. The first show I remember really “discovering” that had a major impact on my life was the Sailor Moon dub. After that, it was Digimon which was the first show I had Higher Than Original Rating headcanons for. The Lion King was the first film I saw in theaters and I was really into it.

Verbena: playlist for your life?

Wow this is an ambitious question. I guess I’ll go with things that have been most important lately? Other than the DCTV and Expanse OSTs which I listen to a lot. I’m gonna pick like 10 in no particular order.

1. Hoodie - Hey Violet - I’m obsessed with this song for some reason? My friend @thethirteenthhouse made me this great playlist of music recs recently, and I got to this one and just listened to it like 200 times this month. I’d heard of the band before, but listening to this song made me start listening to that album a lot. Also, like fuck, the aesthetic of their music videos gets to me (although I don’t know why because it feels very idealized high-school-y at times and I am sort of horrified by high school now more than I was as a teenager lol). Link to the video.

Favorite Lyric: I can’t keep your love / I can’t keep your kiss / Gave you everything and all I got was this --

2. Praying - Kesha - I already talked about this song in my last ask from this ask meme. I just fell in love with this song the first time I heard it, and it has never faded. I just think it is such a powerful and important message about forgiveness and moving on and what to do if what something did to you was unforgivable. It is beautiful because it never equivocates about what it’s about, and the way Kesha performs it is just so raw and honest. It reminds me of several fictional characters I love which is often high on my criteria list for reasons to like something, but this song is also deeply personal for me.

I guess I talk about it less than I used to, but a lot of my life story so far (and, you know, more uncomfortably what feels like a lack of one) stems from the aftermath of a very short-lived but life-altering and worldview-shattering relationship with a boy in high school. Then more recently, the first hope I’d had of that kind of realigning itself and healing in terms of a romantic prospect was pretty casually and quietly shattered in a way that, in some sense, hurts more badly than abuse and coercion at the hands of what I now recognize was a disturbed and neglected teenager. I’m angrier about this more recent experience even if it was technically “less” abusive. It was a stronger break in trust that was negotiated and given, so I’m still this boiling kind of pissed off when I think about it, which is a mood I think really shines in this song and its performance.

This song just.... grapples with this really complicated feeling of caring about someone who abused you but learning to do so in a way that is no longer justifying, no longer equivocating, no longer excusing, and no longer hoping that it will ‘get better’ with you in the picture. It is acknowledging that you have a right to your experience and to tell whatever truth about it you want because you know the truth and won’t let them trick you out of your own perception anymore. It acknowledges that maybe you loved this person, maybe you currently love or currently hate them, but you can still find a way - either way - to wish the best for them and not to let a wish for vengeance make you bitter. This song is bitter and vengeful, but it is also triumphant. The revenge it seeks is simply in being honest about an experience and the person someone currently is. It doesn’t demonize or dehumanize the abuser, which might seem like a kindness undeserved, but it is an important kindness for the sake of one’s own humanity and one’s own perception of other people going forward. It doesn’t let the person get a cop-out because they were a monster. It doesn’t let them hide behind a boogie-man mask. It lashes out in a way that is perhaps even more frowned upon because it doesn’t excuse a person’s (or a man’s, let’s be honest about the context but it could apply to women too) villainous and wicked actions because of something innate to them which cannot be changed. It allows for the possibility of forgiveness, for change, and therefore insists that it is the abuser’s job to take responsibility and to change their ways, and at the same time it does not place the onus on the abused to be the one who enacts or grants that forgiveness. It just just one of the most powerful things I’ve ever heard on coping with being an abuse survivor of abuse that, at the time, felt voluntary or asked-for, and I love it with all my heart. It will probably be one of my favorite songs forever. This video is also the bomb.

Favorite Lyric #1: I’ll bring thunder / I’ll bring rain / When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

Favorite Lyric #2: Sometimes, I pray for you at night / Someday, may you’ll see the light / Oh, some say in life you’re gonna get what you give / But some things only God can forgive

3. Break My Heart - Hey Violet (again, sorry for patterns) - This song feels like a silly favorite when I’m not in the right mood for it. It’s a break-up song, so the literal interpretation of the lyrics is pretty exclusively for fictional characters for me, but it also feels like this song that speaks to a certain kind of frustration and anger that I feel sometimes that it touches in a way that other songs don’t. It’s cathartic. It’s fun and sort of punk-pop-y in a way that makes me feel like I’m letting it out without hurting anything.

Personally, I can’t help that it reminds me of a relationship that was more platonic than romantic but which was really complicated and blurry for a while, then was nonexistent. This relationship has since healed back into something that is kind of doable. I’m glad it didn’t end forever, but I also fear that it’ll never feel as big and real as it once did. I love the person I’m talking about dearly, but it’s still a part of my history in the past couple of years that also colors my emotional health and worldview, so yeah. Also the night I realized we were probably going to have to let Rudy go back (which we did), I listened to this song over and over to block out or at least buffer the absolute tidal wave of misery that seemed relentless a few weeks ago.

On a relating-it-to-characters or just aspirational things for myself, I also think that it’s really cool that it sort of has this dissonance between its sound and its content. It also seems like it has a speaker/singer who’s not being entirely honest with the person she’s addressing. It has this very puffed-up kind of vibe that seems a little childish, endearing, defiant attitude of “Well fine, if you want to go ahead,” that is clearly not entirely genuine but that is no less a little bit brave. Even the ways in which this attitude seems doomed when looked at from an objective and calm standpoint are part of what make it a bit precious. Basically, it’s this steeling oneself, ripping the bandaid off, fake-it-til-you-make-it anthem for me and fictional people whose angst I find cathartic. Also this is the video that made me think all of Hey Violet’s stuff was probably not for People My Age, but I still love it. Kind of has this Sofia Coppola vibe to me without all her bullshit? That heart-shaped pinata and the baseball bat bit is like one of my favorite Aesthetic things I’ve seen ever. Also I love how she literally looks like she’s sobbing sometimes and it matches up with the sound of her vibrato.

Favorite Lyric: It’s like a test, it’s like a game / To see how much I can take / I’m curious to live and learn / So light me up and let me burn / Tell me you’ve never loved me / Tell me that it wasn’t real / Just say you found somebody else / I want to know the way it feels / Tell me you’ve never loved me / Tell me it was just a lie / I want to feel the pain / I want to see the light

4. Fuqboi - Hey Violet (let’s finish with them I guess, haha) - This song needs to be required listening/reading for every single girl on the planet who is even slightly romantically oriented toward boys/men. It is hilarious, but it has some really stinging truths about boys/men who are the products of their culture/toxic masculinity/etc. It’s really fun to feel like you’re insulting and condemning the right subsection of men without writing off men who are willing to grow, learn, empathize, and feel unfairly in a way that only furthers a stereotype and agenda of painting men as heartless and entirely useless and incapable of the previously-listed things. That kind of “misandry” literally has become, in my opinion, almost a movement that does only deepen the mire of toxic masculinity. This, however, is exactly the right type of #misandry that is cathartic and beautiful and fun. A lyric video here that maybe contains one or two errors.

Favorite Lyric: There’s this cute guy down my street / I always wanted to meet / So I went creeping around on his socials / In all the selfies he takes, his head is tilted the same / Oh yeah, and his favorite hashtag is #beastmode

5. She Used to be Mine - Sara Bareilles - This song is much more melancholy than the songs on this list so far. It’s hopeful but kind of feels a bit more like a self-pity song. That’s not to say that the lyrics themselves are self-pitying in their conclusion. Lately, my job is kind of hurting me, and my best friend’s job worries me on her behalf, so I really relate to it even though the Waitress references occasionally make it highly specific. It also is a really beautiful song, I think, about the transition between being, like, in your early 20s and feeling enchanted by adulthood and the challenges of it even if they hurt and then getting in your late-20s and beyond and feeling a little bit afraid of the loss of youth and stuff. Here’s a lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: It’s not easy to know / I’m not anything like I used to be / Although it’s true / I was never attention’s sweet center / But I still remember that girl / She’s imperfect, but she tries / She is good, but she lies / She is hard on herself / She is broken and won’t ask for help / She is messy, but she’s kind / She is lonely most of the time / She is all of this mixed up and based in a beautiful pie / She is gone, but she used to be mine

The songs after the above on this list are less deeply personal (and Hoodie just is because I feel it so viscerally even though I don’t super relate to it - maybe it’s envy of people who can) and more, like, “this reminds me of a fandom thing” right now or “this sounds cool” so the tone will change.

6. Haunted Heart - WILD - Some random song I found on spotify that is #reylo and several other shippy vibes. It’s more ambient than anything else, but it can literally apply to a lot o fictional relationships we obsess over. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: As the shadows dance across the room / I pretend that in the dark it’s you / It’s all I have

7. Go - Grimes ft. Blood Diamonds - Honestly this song has been lowkey in my head for days, and I wanted an excuse and reminder to listen to it again. I just recently fell down another fiction/fandom rabbit hole in The Expanse, and the only part I could hear in my head was the chorus before the dub-steppy drop, but my brain for some reason was summoning and suggesting it as a song that would fit my vibe about this show. Sure enough, I am feeling it for The Expanse, and it makes me wish I could still make fanvids. The actual verse lyrics are more Miller @/Julie than anything else I’ve seen so far, so if you ship that a lot then maybe this is even more your song for this than it is mine, but for me what I like about it is the sense of this personal connection being very important but kind of interrupted by all of this noise. Maybe that’s me reading too much into the design of the song, but I love that the chorus cuts itself off until its last repetition. “When I go can I go with--” and then finally “--you?” Audio video here.

I don’t need to do a favorite lyric because it’s got so few but it’s the way they parse “When I go can I go with you?” through the music.

8. Let Me Go - Hailee Steinfeld, Alesso (ft. Florida Georgia Line) - I honestly feel a bit conflicted by how much I like this song given that it’s got heavy involvement from bro-country artists Florida Georgia Line, but I like what I like. As far as an association goes, it’s like my sort of heartbreaking Lauriver song honestly. I really like the idea that they could have been happy together, might’ve been soulmates in another world as is implied, but that it’s sort of irrevocably fractured in DCTV Earth 1. Now, if only they had let me have that, Olicity, and Merlance, I would have been happy forever. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: Chased that high too far, too fast / Picket white fence but we paint it black

9. The Night We Met - Lord Huron - The first time I saw some lyrics to this song it was on this edit for this sort of maybe American Civil War Era fandom I have never identified or known what the heck it was. But when I saw them, I had to know what this song was, and I knew we’d be in love forever. And indeed, I love this song. It’s just so simple and sort of that new-folksy thing that my kind of a hipster ass loves. I love it for fandom and shippy reasons because it touches on one of those hard-to-quantify and only slightly less-hard-to-qualify things that I love fanfiction and headcanon to tackle. That thing is this messy, awful (and awesome - we’re focusing on the word awe here, sublimnity) feeling that comes from having loved someone in an intimate, sexual way but then watching that totally and completely vulnerable bond erode into something where you can no longer touch that person in any sense of the word. It’s a terrible topic full of angst but it’s so much a human thing that happens and I love it. (Of course, in my fanfiction and roleplay and shit, I want it fixed, but give me all of it.) It also does that thing with unconventional but technically comprehensible syntax that I love.

Favorite Lyric: Take me back to the night we met / And then I can tell myself what the hell I’m supposed to do / And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you / I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you / Take me back to the night we met

10. Ophelia - The Lumineers - On the topic of folksy-or-something feeling music that feels like it’s touching on weird, underbelly human emotions that no one knows how to describe or wrestle with, there’s this song. It is one of those songs that makes you want to dance in the rain life throws at you. It sounds happy or melancholy depending on when you’re listening to it and what you’re bringing to it, and that is probably why it has been on Spotify’s “Your Top Songs” compilation it makes for me at year’s end for two years in a row. And gosh the instrumentation. I know nothing about instrumentation technically speaking, but gosh. It feels like going to church, driving down a country road, being in a bar, and crying your heart out in a bathtub all at once. This is probably the most playlist-for-life song on here because it is just really one of those songs that it feels like you could carry in your pocket to soundtrack a lot of moments in your life when you’re quiet, observant, and just paying attention to it. It’s not really about anything, but it kind of feels like it’s about everything. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: And I don’t feel nothing at all / And you can’t feel nothing small

Winona: favorite quote?

I actually answered this one earlier, but let’s see if I can come up with another answer. My friend @morethanprinceofcats did a cute thing I forgot to do where she talked about text posts that come to her mind and sort of get stuck in her head, and I’ve got those too.

One I really should refer to more often is this one: http://burninglianyu.tumblr.com/post/169380411461/angel-ani-setheverman-what-is-the-january

And for the part of me that occasionally wants to become a surreal, non-human entity that dwells in the space before the alarm clock goes off and never has to move past it, this one: http://burninglianyu.tumblr.com/post/167821073666/sarah531-the-first-time-i-ever-heard-take-me-to

Oh, and I have no idea how it didn’t come to mind earlier but, like, the entire novel Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov? I always feel like there is a certain kind of shame-narrative attached to genuinely liking that book. Sometimes it’s for good reason like people who are using it to romanticize CSA beyond what the book already does as a means of justification. However, when I think the text is really read honestly and compassionately it does a lot of those things that I was saying above the song “Praying” does for me. It does so in absolutely gorgeous prose that certainly is worthy of a murderer with a fancy prose style.

I think I love it because of the way it shows the villain as protagonist and gives him this beautiful way with words that forces you to understand his point of view while conscience and even the foreword charges you never to condone it. I also think that its aesthetic quality and attention to detail of, I guess, mid-century (1900s) America and the trappings of suburbia and the places that live alongside interstates just enchants me. There’s something about that part of the description that reminds me of feeling some kind of visceral mix of pleasure and discomfort that comes from just existing in the summertime for me on a day spent outside. It reminds me of something and some time I lived through in the last 90s that I think has since passed into oblivion -- the experience of living in an America before the internet and cell phones’ prevalence or something. Suburban anonymity and the creepiness of that but also the strange, transient beauty of plastic, neon, and trying to get anywhere in a car across this absurdly big country.

The quote that came to mind this time was this one (warning for mention of child sexual abuse):

We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing. And I catch myself thinking today that our long journey had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night — every night, every night — the moment I feigned sleep.

Basically it just encapsulates that vibe I was talking about for me except, of course, for the banal horror of that list item.

Also, pairing the words “rust and stardust.”

#answered #tumblr games #csa mention #/#//#me #reylo #the expanse #lauriver #arrow #music #long post #lolita #pleasantfanandstudent

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organictaeyong · 7 years

Text

boyfriend!jeno

• probably the sweetest boy ever????? • like he is just so shy and cute • the type to tease or compliment you 24/7 • there’s no in between • tbh even when he’s teasing you it’s with compliments • since he realised how shy you get when he compliments you he’s loved to tease you • always calling you pretty • and loves when you get all flushed and tongue tied afterwards

• and you love the way he smiles when he’s looking at you • his smile is so beautiful and bright • and his eyes make the cutest little crescent shape • every time you see him smile you swear your hearts gonna burst r something • because it is the most adorable smile you have ever seen • which is something you like to tease him about • “im not adorable im super manly >: -((((“ • cue pouty jeno • which you like to point out is somehow more adorable • so jeno groans and starts pulling “””ugly”” faces • he’s still really handsome even when he’s rolling his eyes back into his skull and sticking his tongue out • and of course you couldn’t miss this photo op • so you take a pic • (or 52 pics) • and you set it as your lockscreen • and jeno pretends to hate it but you know he lowkey thinks its cute he’s your lockscreen • but he also just wishes it was a different pic • “how about instead we take a cute pic together????” • “no thanks I love this one : -))))” • but you take a bunch of cute pics together anyway • and jeno convinces you to set matching lockscreens • of the pics you just took • (you got the other one of just him as your homescreen still dw) • lots of casual dates • likes to go grab coffee • (more like hot chocolate bc he a bby) • but you guys just tend to hang out for dates • more than anything fancy like dinners and stuff • you guys usually just eat ramen and snacks • (lowkey because you both lazy) • hangin with the rest of dream a lot • who lowkey expose him • “whoa I love these snacks they’re my fav thanks renjun!!!!” • “haha yeah I know because jeno literally never will stop talking about you : -))))” • and jeno wants to maybe kick renjun in the face • because he’s embarrassing him • but you’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cutie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! • and smother his face in tiny kisses • because !!! he !!!! is !!!! so !!! cute !!!! • loves trying to teach you his choreo • hasn’t realised you might be the most uncoordinated person ever • almost broke your ankle when he tried to teach you the hoverboard moves • laughed a lil too much when you fell off It • held your hand and guided you around after • has never seen someone as bad on a hover board since taeil • the type to make you a playlist • but he’s lowkey really embarrassed to tell you • so he just says come listen I made a really good playlist • and he gives you and earphone • and you both feel so shy !!! • but some of your favourite songs are on there • and it’s really relaxing • and without thinking you kind of rest your head on jenos shoulder • and he gets so excited !!!!!!!! • but he’s also so nervous he’s lowkey afraid to breathe in case he disturbs you • his heart is beating so fast • and he’s hoping you can’t hear it • thinks he’s slick but isn’t • like he asks you what your favourite song is • and a week later he’s playing it on guitar • and you’re like ??????? isn’t this ??????? my fav song ???????? • and he’s like oh it’s your fav????? That’s so funny ???? it’s actually mine as well ??? haha so weird ha goals?????????? • and you’re like smh I see through you lee jeno • but also you think it’s precious he learned your favourite song • lil concerts !!!! • where jeno plays the guitar and sings to you • let’s you request what you want to hear • but regrets it shortly after usually • “idk how many times in a row I can play ring ding dong in a row : -)))” • sometimes the other members join in • it’s usually the dream kids though • (chenle claims he got the main vocal position for the mini concerts) • hyuck is really salty • “hey jeno I have a request” • “yeah sure hyuck” • “please stop : -)))))” • loves loves loves hugs • and any affection tbh • wants to shower you in affection all the time • but is a lil shy about it • like you can’t tell but whenever he hugs you he blushes like crazy • and hides his face in your hair • takes care of you so much whenever you get sad • will bring you snacks • or just give you cuddles and try tell you silly jokes to lighten your mood • but will be 100% serious and listen to you • and try give you advice • which is always really good • always gives you hugs and kisses to cheer you up • supportive boyfriend !!!!!! • will hype you up no matter what you are doing • you won’t even have time to be insecure • you finish your English homework ??/ • 60 compliments and 61 kisses to follow • y’all are legit a really great couple though • because you have never had a fight • like literally never • you just can’t ever imagine being mad at him • and of course he feels the same • misses you when he gets too busy with promotions • so he buys you a little gift every time you guys see each other for the first time after he’s finished • you are more than a little shook when he gives you a lil teddy bear that says I love you • and you’re just like oh my god I love you too • and then you’re like wait • because what if he just got you the teddy and wasn’t saying I love you • and you’ve just said you loved him and now he’s freaked out • but he’s like oh my god really ????!!???!?!?!? • and he feels like the entire earths weight has been lifted from his shoulders • because you said it !!! • you love him !!!! • and he wraps you up in the tightest hug ever • and spins you around • and you’re both just like !!!!!!! • and you’re squealing • and when he eventually puts you down • you give him a kiss on the cheek • and he blushes so much • and it’s just the sweetest thing how shy he gets • makes you want to cry a lil • because !!!! • what a cute boyfriend!!!!! • might be the best boyfriend ever?? • pls love lee jeno !!

#nct scenarios #kpop scenarios #jeno scenarios #boyfriend!series #boyfriend!jeno #admin pear #headcanon

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krshima · 7 years

Text

tagged by: @misakarose, @oyatetsurou, @ukiina, & @pamurabudabu - thank you so much everyone, this was very fun!! ♡

rules: answer these 85 things then tag 20 people

i tag: @v0ngola @sesukes @okita-senpai @atsushisnakajima @kishitan-iis @t0ukas (and ofc if you’ve already done this or don’t want to, don’t worry about it!)

THE LAST:

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my sister 3. text message: “where are the dogs” (courtesy of my sister, again) 4. song you listened to: a really great string cover of shape of you 5. time you cried: i dunno but i probably teared up watching something last week 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: i don’t think so? 10. been depressed: uhhh yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. blue 13. black 14. grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: i think so! 16. fallen out of love: not love, but just a mild crush haha 17. laughed until you cried: definitely like 2 days ago 18. found out someone was talking about you: probably, but nothing egregious 19. met someone who changed you: no, unfortunately 20. found out who your friends are: i feel like i’ve known who my friends are for a while now haha 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: a majority of them; however, there are people i’ve friended who are going to my college in the fall and i haven’t met them in person yet 23. do you have any pets: i have a dog! he’s a corgi 24. do you want to change your name: nah, i like my name :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: our family was in cabo, mexico 26. what time do you wake up: depends, school days force me to get up early but it’s summer rn so like 10am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: either on tumblr or catching up on the latest episode of an anime i’m watching 28. name something you can’t wait for: first day of college!! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 hours ago 31. what are you listening to right now: my spotify playlist 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i think so? but it was probably a while ago 33. something that is getting on your nerves: nothing in particular 34. most visited website: probably tumblr 35. hair color: black 36. long or short hair: short - boi i got an undercut 37. do you have a crush on someone: yeahhh 38. what do you like about yourself: i feel like my musical ability is the one thing i’m really proud of 39. piercings: a really long time ago i got my ears pierced but i haven’t worn earrings in like 3+ years...i’m not Hardcore enough for them 40. blood type: i actually don’t know 41. nickname: n/a 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: cancer 44. pronouns: he/him 45. favourite tv show: i don’t watch cable tv, but i really enjoyed “stranger things” on netflix 46. tattoos: none (if i weren’t such a wimp i’d get one tho) 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: do wisdom teeth count? 50. sport: i’m pretty bad at all sports but if i had to choose one i think social dance is kinda cool 51. vacation: i would like to go back to the south of france! 52. pair of trainers: i’ve only got 1 pair of sneakers rn and they’re the plainest all-black converse ever (and the soles are wearing down)

MORE GENERAL:

53. eating: nothing 54. drinking: a starbucks caramel frappuccino 55. I’m about to: spend a good amount of time on the internet 56. waiting for: an app on my phone to download 57. want: to be happy and for those i care about to be happy too! 58. get married: eventually 59. career: yikes um ?? i don’t really know

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: i love me a good hug 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: i’m short so everyone is taller than me anyway, but it doesn’t matter much to me 63. older or younger: ideally neither 64. nice arms or nice stomach: not very important 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: tbh i’m a pretty straight-laced guy but i don’t mind breaking minor rules or being a little mischievous

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: no, but i did have a margarita with two tall shots of tequila and it was Bad 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t think i’ve ever lost my glasses, but i have broken them 70. turned someone down: i don’t think so? 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: i highly doubt it, unless someone ever had a secret crush on me and i never knew? 73. had your heart broken: not really? disappointment, sure, but not heartbreak 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: no 76. fallen for a friend: yes, a few years ago

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: sometimes? 78. miracles: maybe 79. love at first sight: nah 80. santa claus: not since i was really little 81. kiss on the first date: it depends 82. angels: no

OTHER:

83. current best friend’s name: aubrey 84. eye color: very very dark brown 85. favorite movie: honestly big hero 6

#tagged in #tag game #ramblings #whew this one got long

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lovewavesxx · 7 years

Photo

Love Waves – EP 7 – WTF ARE WE DOING?

Click here to read Love Waves - Introduction

“WTF ARE WE DOING? –E xx.”

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/4WpepDQVwmxbMSLi2JGuSJ

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-7-wtf-are-we-doing/idpl.u-4JombJltjBX3Rv

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRQRokZrxPmUwyPZTIzslqpd

1. Lauren Sanderson – Conversations (feat. DYSN)

2. THEY. – Truth Be Told

3. Post Malone – I Fall Apart

4. Snow Tha Product – Waste of Time

5. Drake – Furthest Thing

6. Marty Grimes – Fuxk Around

7. The Neighbourhood - #Icanteven (feat. French Montana)

8. Blaise Moore – HANDS

9. G-Eazy – Shoot Me Down (feat. Anthony Stewart)

10. Tory Lanez – Friends With Benefits

11. Childish Gambino – Heartbeat

12. Beyoncé – Hold Up

13. SZA – Prom

14. Marko Penn – Same Ones

15. Dylan Matthew – Sober

16. Cam Meekins – Heart

17.Cardi B – I Gotta Hurt You

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :) (it’s anonymous)

do·ing

ˈdo͞oiNG/

1. the activities in which a particular person engages.

2. effort; activity.

This is probably the most aggressive playlist I’ve made for this series so far. To be very honest I am struggling with how to write this description accurately. Bare with me while I get to the end zone, and I apologize in advance if it gets long. Just know it comes from my heart.

I used to be the type of person who had issues controlling my words in heated moments. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt someone I loved because of something I said. Words can hurt. Words can’t be taken back. Due to my growing awareness of that flaw, I really started to work on staying silent and thinking very hard about what to say and how to react in situations that are high stress and potential breaking points in any form of relationship. Since I’m human, it’s still a work in progress at times.

One of the most disgusting things I learned throughout this process of trying to fix myself is that even when I do not release those bitter statements into the world, they still exist in my head. It’s very frustrating for me. If you truly know me, then you know at the heart of everything I want nothing but the best for everyone I love and even people who have hurt me.

It can start to become very draining to think about all the awful things you’d wish would happen to someone because you’re angry at them or because of something they did or how they treated you. That way of thinking is repulsive. It’s not a quality I want in someone else or myself. I’ve learned it is much less stressful to say and genuinely feel that you want the best for that person instead. That’s it, the best. The best of whatever they feel is most fulfilling in their life whether it involves me or not. You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how to react.

The act of letting anger, jealously, and hurt go can be difficult. I still struggle with this. While the journey can be an uphill struggle, getting to the other side is very refreshing. It’s very freeing. For every uphill there is a downhill. Never forget that.

So, the initial concept of this playlist came from an internal confusion I’ve dealt with for what seems like forever—the ups and downs of having someone you care about so deeply and not being able to let them go. It feels sort of like dancing around with them on all of these uphills and downhills. Complexities and confusion is hard for me to deal with. At the same time, I’ve learned my head definitely has the ability to go wayyyy above and beyond thinking and trying to navigate a situation that is not clean cut.

Grey areas drive me nuts because I’m the type of person who wants things to be crystal clear. I want to know what is going on and why. I’m usually an all or nothing type of gal. Having to hold back or put boundaries on any form of relationship feels very unnatural to me. It makes me uncomfortable being told how and when to act.

If I can move my schedule around or make time for you I will without you asking. That goes for friends, family, anything. I prioritize the connections I have. I can’t explain why I’m like this, but I just am. If I care about something or someone I will always fight like hell to make time and give my absolute best effort possible. There are no excuses for not fighting to keep your greatest priorities fulfilled and in the best shape possible.

That being said, I struggle with the differences in priorities I have when another person doesn’t seem to match my efforts. It can kind of feel like a slow death. It can feel like your soul is exporting itself in effort towards another, and when very little is being returned or evenly matched, it can leave you feeling drained.

Another thing I can sometimes struggle with is accepting the difference in opinion or view other’s have towards me, or something I feel very passionately about. I’m stubborn, and I always have been. I get that from my father haha. But at the same time I think I do a decent job of not letting my pride get in the way when I realize I am wrong.

Conflict and disagreements no matter can big or small can be frustrating, but without differing opinions we’d all be the same and let’s be real, that would be hella lame. I think what I’ve learned most from being in situations where there is a disagreement in views is it allows for a perspective other than your own to be heard. It can create a dialogue. Over the past year, more than ever, I have learned I would much rather us have a disagreement and a conversation because of that, than to just give up and leave. I suppose that whole fighting aspect of me morphed more into genuinely fighting to keep growing connections with people I value so highly.

It’s also weird because over the past few months I’ve learned I don’t want to change anyone. I don’t want to control anyone or their behaviors I find less desirable. I’ve learned you have to sometimes accept what you do not understand or agree with. However, there’s a beauty in that act of acceptance. I think that’s how you know your intentions and love is pure—accepting their existence for everything they are in the present. I just want you to be the best version of yourself, and my opinion on what that version is or desired to be is absolutely irrelevant. The only person who can be the judge of what is best for you, is you. I can only be there by your side through everything in support. That’s all I have the power to do or even want to do—support you on your journey. Of course there are aspects that would be a welcomed change, but at the end of the day I only want someone to change if they want to. My views are invalid.

This playlist is meant to display confusion. If you listen to the stories within the songs it’s all very chaotic. It plays with the idea of letting go, coming back, being selfish, being selfless, wanting, lusting, loving, hating, and being annoyed—all of it. At the core I think it displays how uncomfortable I can get when a situation arises and plays with my insecurities in any form of relationship. It’s sad, but when I feel threatened I feel the need to protect myself by lashing out. I want to be cold. I want to be like, “Fine, fuck you.” BUT I am still trying sooo harddd to fight nawwwttt to beeee soooo bitter and petty. Nobody wants to love something that is so negative. It’s gross. Like, it’s literally my least favorite quality that I am seriously trying to fix. *insert sos emoji*

To overcome that feeling of being insecure, uncomfortable, confused, bitter, and even sometimes upset things aren’t going the way you hoped they would, I think it’s easiest to actively calm yourself down and focus on the very moment you are in with yourself or with a person who has the potential to evoke those emotions. Don’t think about the potential of what they could be because you might be creating expectations that may never be met and that could upset you. Don’t think about what they were in the past because you aren’t there anymore. Focus on the present moment you are in with them. Fight like hell to be at peace with them and yourself as you exist in the same moment together. I think when you reach that point life gets way better. It feels like you kind of made it. It feels like that downhill is about to be sccchhhwweeeettt.

To briefly discuss the root of the inspiration behind this wavy playlist I had a friend recently say, “You guys are on and off more than a light switch.” They said this after the playlist and concept were created, but I think it still fits. That statement at face value is funny to me. It’s also accurate. Upon further reflection though (since I’m like, the best at thinking too much) I think it’s important to remember that even when a light is switched off, the wiring doesn’t go away. That spark can always return. It just takes one action. That’s it. A moment of courage or effort can have the potential to light up your entire world and change everything you know. It’s also important to remember that without darkness you may never appreciate the light you are given no matter how long it lasts. A deep connection is rare. I wouldn’t trade mine for anything.

Song Explanations:

The playlist opens up with Lauren singing about wanting to be with someone who makes her grow upward, but the person there right now isn’t pushing to be better or make her better. The lyrics in the second verse show how Lauren is evolving positively and the girl she’s referring to isn’t progressing.

Truth Be Told not only has a great sound, but the story is fairly universal as well. The opening line is, “Say somethin’ / Know that there’s two sides to every story.” Literally, please just say something. Verse two talks about why they broke up.

Click here to read to lyrics for Truth Be Told by THEY.

So, I actually listened to Stoney the night it was released last year. I was mainly obsessed with No Option, Feel, Patient, Leave, Feeling Whitney, Hit This Hard and Congratulations. It wasn’t until recently I saw a short video of Post Malone singing I Fall Apart live on Twitter and I was like, “Bruh, I felt the words you just sang in my soul.” The emotion he conveyed was powerful. Since then, I’ve been listening to the song probably too much. The lyrics “I fall apart down to my core,” leave me shooketh.

Snow nails how I feel sometimes when my anger and frustration gets the best of me. “Getting attached / I’m gonna go / I’ll be alright / I’m better alone..You’re a fucking waste of time.” Her flow is ridiculous. This song is so smooth whether you’re dealing with anything or not.

Furthest Thing by Drake was a song I played heavily during the spring of 2017. I would list my favorite lyrics from this song, but it would be damn near the whole thing. Most importantly though is the lyric, “The furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know.”

Click here to read the lyrics for Furthest Thing by Drake

I used to think there was a certain point at which I would give up on Him. Hell, Fuxk Around is even by one of his favorite artists, Marty Grimes. So many people have told to move on. Forget about it. He’s dead weight. He’s a mess. He’s a fuckboy. The list goes on. To some degree I have moved on. I don’t hang onto every word or silence between us like I used to. I don’t feel angry anymore. I just feel this weird calm right now. I think that’s good though. I mean, it sure beats crying myself to sleep or craving his attention, like I once did. I swear I used to see the type of car he once had like evvv-eryyy-wherrre and the reminder of him would just unleash this weird wave of heat over my entire body, until I got distracted enough, and then it would leave. What’s even more weird is that I wish I could actually put words to why I would feel that way so I could’ve controlled it better. Either way, time and space have a way of bringing people together or keeping them apart. I guess for us, for now, I’m just lucky we manage to always find our way back eventually. It kind of feels like nothing could actually break that connection past repair because we’re too honest with each other.

#Icanteven is just a littttt ass song by one of my favorite bands who manages to mix genres ridiculously well.

Friends With Benefits by Tory Lanez is definitely a song that makes me just want to dance. Everything about the song makes me feel dangerous. And yeah, I know that sounds crazy.

Heartbeat by Childish Gambino is a song I’ve been playing A LOT. One of my friends made this sick playlist for me and this song was in there. The entire narrative is wild and the music production is even wilder. It’s all sooo great.

“Hold up they don’t love you like I love you..What a wicked way to treat the girl who loves you.” Ya know, it’s crazy because I think a lot of the upset I used to feel from people I had feelings for was derived from me giving so much and just expecting my efforts would be matched by them. I learned that is definitely not the way to be. You either stick around because you care enough about them or you leave. What they do or don’t do hopefully shouldn’t drive you away unless you let it.

SZA is literally my queen right now. Her album Ctrl changed my life when it came out in June. The entire album speaks to me. Prom was the first song off the album I really felt a connection to. The beat reminds me of a heartbeat. I can relate to the lyrics, “Fearin’ not growin’ up / Keepin’ me up at night / Am I doin’ enough? / Feel like I’m wastin’ time,” because sometimes I do feel like I’m not where I should be or I’m not doing enough to get to where I feel I belong. In my head I hear not only myself, but another perspective from someone else saying, “Promise to get a little / Better as I get older / And you’re so patient / And sick of waitin’ / Promise to do better / Shoulda coulda / Prolly wanna let me go / But you can’t, oh.” That same perspective of someone not being on my same level also bleeds into the lyrics, “Please don’t take it, don’t take it personal / Like I know you usually do.” I accidentally take, like everything wayyy too personal sometimes. It’s dumb, and I’m working on it. I don’t mean to be something that frustrates you, and I know you don’t mean to frustrate me. It just happens.

Click here to read the lyrics from Prom by SZA

Same Ones by Marko Penn is this dope song that expresses a few different phases I’ve had in my life, but at the core I stay with the same ones who have always been there for me.

In the past I’ve had to deal with being with someone who was going through some issues, and they dealt with those feelings with substances. It kills me inside when other people choose an object or substance over me. You only want me when it’s convenient for you but your actions are having negative effects on you and me. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough, and it hurts to see you medicate yourself so much. The song Sober by Dylan Matthew is well produced and I enjoy the story he tells.

I see myself a lot in Heart by Cam Meekins. I relate to the female he’s singing about and I also relate to Cam’s perspective too. “Coffee colored eyes / Sick of writing love songs.” Sometimes I feel so intoxicated by his brown eyes, and sometimes it annoys me that he inspires some of my best work. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It makes me feel like a creep. I used to feel like the next lyrics, which is really weird when I actually think about it. “It’s like when I am far from you, I want nothing but you / But when I have you here, it’s like I’m only thinking “fuck you” / So maybe I’m the problem, I can’t figure it out / Because no matter what I do, the cycle keeps going around.” I think it has to do with the expectation and fantasy you build that person up to be in your head and then you get disappointed when they don’t live up to the standards you A) didn’t tell them about and B) should’ve never placed on them in the first place. I swear, I have learned so much about people and myself over these past couple years.

The last song is sooooo fucked up. I Gotta Hurt You by Cardi B is crazy. There used to be a time in my life where if I got hurt or felt attacked by someone I just felt the need to get them back with that same hurt. Not physically, but I do have a mean side I am deffo not proud of. It doesn’t even make sense to hurt something you love, but it happens.

If you stuck with me through all of this mumbo jumbo I wish I could give you a hug. I went IN on this week’s playlist and description. Congratulations, I opened up too much about parts of me I do not like, but I’ve never really been scared to express myself. Learn from my mistakes because I am trying my damndest to do the same. There’s this episode of Scrubs where Turk keeps telling Carla she’s making mountains out of molehills. I hope when I get out of line those closest to me continue to keep putting me back in my place. It stings, but I’ll love you for it anyway.

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. To go back to the title, “WTF ARE WE DOING?” I have no clue, and I don’t care to try and figure it out right now. Despite everything we’ve been through, life is still litt when I get to exist with you. I’ll always want to cheer you on. I wouldn’t trade our seconds for anything hun. xx.

#comp playlist #lauren sanderson #they.#post malone #snow tha product #drake #marty grimes #the neighbourhood #blaise moore #g-eazy #tory lanez #childish gambino #beyonce #sza #marko penn #dylan matthew #cam meekins #cardi b

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bluesfortheredj · 7 years

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14.

You arrived at the studio before Norman and were introduced to the photographer and set assistants. "Now don't be nervous, this will be fun I promise!" The photographer tries to put you at ease. "Let's take some photos now without Norman and get you used to it." This was your first photo shoot that wasn't to do with the walking dead, and you had both been chosen to do a set of photos for a small fashion campaign. You weren't 'model-looking', but this was about every body shape and several other shows had gotten involved too. Norman had done this kind of thing before which made you even more nervous about the day, as you had no idea what to do. "Okay, what you're wearing is great for the warm up shots, just stand over there and do your thing." You position yourself in front of the white backdrop in your black boots, black jeans, black top and long black coat. You didn't intentionally wear all black, but it was a happy accident. It was your favourite coat, feeling like you were wearing a long cape when you swished it around. "What's your favourite music?" The photographer asks, handing you his phone with Spotify on the screen. You find a country music playlist and as it starts playing you hand the phone back and start moving around. "I'm a country girl at heart!" You say over the music. You flick your coat and smile as your favourite song starts playing. The photographer snaps away as you do this and you don't even notice Norman's arrival and him standing there staring at you. After a few minutes he speaks. "You're a natural (Y/N)! You look beautiful like that," he shouts over the music. You look up at him shocked, then blush and look down at your boots. The camera flashes one last time and you exit with the stylist to get changed into your first outfit. You walk past Norman and he reaches out and squeezes your hand as you do. Your eyes meet his and you smile up at him then carry on walking. "I don't think I can get away with this," you say looking in the mirror at the mini dress you're wearing. "Of course you can! You look hot! It shows off your curves and tattoos perfectly, this is why it was chosen for you," the stylist explains. "Hmm, it does show off my thigh tatts pretty well. Is it too tight though?" You ask, patting your belly. "Don't be silly, I bet Norman will love it, you'll see!" She winks. "Now come on, he's waiting for you!" You walk out in chunky heeled ankle boots and your mini dress, pulling it down as you take each step. Looking up at Norman you see his mouth open slightly and he licks his lips as he looks you up and down. "Damn girl. Damn," he whispers as you get to him. He's dressed in a smart suit and you go weak at the knees at the sight of him. "Not so bad yourself," you nod at him. The photographer then gets you in position, Norman's arm around your waist resting on your hip, you're side on with one hand on his chest and one on his back and your head on his shoulder looking at the camera. "Perfect!" The photographer says snapping away at you both. Norman turns to you and moves you in front of him so that you're head on to the camera. He slides his hands around you to rest on your stomach and leans his head on your shoulder. "Lean back, look as if you're whispering to me, put one hand on mine and the other up around my neck," he whispers into your ear. You do as he says, your lips millimetres from his cheek and the photographer loves it. "Amazing! This is great!" He beams from behind the lense. "Right, think we're done with this set, onto the next outfits please." Norman lets go of you, his hands slipping down your thighs as he does so. You bring your hand down from his neck, brushing his chest, then walk away with a flushed face. "Wow, that looked so good," the stylist gushes as you get back to the dressing room. "Norman could not take his eyes off you." "Ha, probably making sure I don't trip up or make a fool of myself! I'm definitely known as the clumsy one on set," you laugh. "It was way more than that if you ask me," she smirks. Once you'd changed, you looked in the mirror and liked how this floor length gown looked on you, cinching your waist in and accentuating your chest. You walk out with confidence this time, heading straight for Norman, his eyes fixed on your body. "I really like this one," you say excitedly when you get to him. "Yeah, same here." He takes your hands and pulls you into a dancing pose, placing your hand on his shoulder, his arm around your waist and your interlinked fingers up by his chest. His eyes stare into yours as you both sway to non existent music. Your stomach is in knots and he lets go to spin you round. The room is completely silent as he does this, needing no prompting at all and you completely forget this is all being photographed. "Guys that was fantastic. Time for the last outfits already. You're both naturals!" The photographer smiles. You both break away reluctantly and go back to your dressing rooms. Norman picks up his phone and calls Andy quickly. "Hey Norman, how's the shoot going?" "Man, I'm gonna blow it. This is killing me, I've gotta tell her." "Then do it! Everyone can see you're crazy about each other. Don't call me again until you've told her okay?" He demands. "Haha, okay man, deal. Wish me luck." "You won't need it, trust me. Speak to you later." Norman ends the call and gets changed. It's a casual outfit with jeans and a slightly unbuttoned checked shirt with biker boots. You're in black denim shorts, a baggy muscle vest and cowboy boots which you adore. This outfit is by far your favourite and you feel so comfortable in it. You walk out the same time as Norman and he smiles at you, knowing you'd love the clothes. "Aren't those your own clothes?" Norman teases. "I wish! I'm gonna have to buy these boots for sure," you laugh. "They look great on you," he says sincerely, looking down at your legs. You smile and blush. "Okay, last one then you're free to go guys. Get over there and lets get going!" The photographer claps. You both get in front of the camera and Norman gets you to sit on the floor in front of him as he stands casually against the wall. He helps you up after the first few shots then you both look at each other and laugh as the camera clicks away. For the last few photos he pulls you into his side then sweeps your legs up so he's carrying you bridal style. You instantly put your arms around his neck to balance yourself and bury your head into his neck in embarrassment. "Excellent! Right guys, that's a wrap, thanks so much for doing this, you've both been great," the photographer says, shaking both your hands. You say your goodbyes to everyone and go off to change. When you come out of your dressing room with your bag Norman's standing there waiting for you. "Want a lift?" He asks. "Okay, yeah that'd be great, thanks." You head down to his car and he takes your bag to put in the boot. You get in the passenger side and he jumps in the drivers seat. "Oh, by the way, got you this," he says, reaching to the back seat and pulling a large bag through the gap. He rests it on your lap and you peek inside. You see a box and open the lid just enough to see the boots you were wearing earlier. "Norman! You shouldn't have! Thank you so much," you gush, flinging your arms around him in the cramped car. "I want my woman to have everything she wants," he sighs next to your cheek. Suddenly he realises the words that have just left his mouth and he jumps back letting go of you. "Anyway, lets go. Getting late," he rambles, putting on his belt and starting the engine. You snap yours into position after putting the bag down and look over at him as he drives. The ride is silent and when you get to your apartment he looks straight ahead instead of at you. "Norman, do you want to come up and have dinner?" You ask as you're about to open the door. He doesn't expect this after what he said, but turns to you and shyly looks up at you through his hair. "Yeah, that'd be good," he softly answers. You get out and head round to the boot to get your bag. "I've got it, don't worry," he says, taking your bags from you. "Thanks. I can't promise a home cooked meal as I'm pretty sure there's nothing in my fridge, but we can get take out if you want?" "Sounds perfect." You get up to your apartment and open the door for him to go through. He's been here plenty of times before so knows his way around and puts your bags in the bedroom. He notices a small photo on your bedside table that he swears wasn't there last time he came over. He picks it up and studies it, it's of you and him on set dresses as your characters in the lunch tent. You're pulling silly faces at the camera and Norman lets out a small chuckle as he remembers the moment. "What are you laughing about?" You ask from the doorway. "This photo, was remembering the day it was took. Didn't know you had a copy." "Yeah, Andy gave it to me as a birthday present. I love it." You smile. "(Y/N)," Norman turns to you with a serious look on his face, "I don't want to overstep a line or anything, but I just want you to know that I really like you. I've really fallen for you and I just wanted to put it out there because I've been holding onto this for so long and see if there's the smallest chance you feel the same." Your mouth falls open a little, shocked that he felt what you felt about him. "There's a pretty big chance I feel the same actually. Like, 99.999% chance." "Not 100%?" He pouts playfully. "I could maybe stretch to 100." You smirk. "So what now?" He asks nervously. "I'm still hungry, so get some dinner and watch a film maybe?" "I was thinking exactly the same thing." You go back into the kitchen and look through the menus you have in a drawer and he rings up and orders your food. You're looking in your DVD cabinet for a film and Norman comes up behind you and reaches around you to pick up his film Air. "So, you a fan of this Norman guy?" "Hmm, he's a good actor, but to be honest I'm not listening to anything he says." "Oh really? Just a bit of eye candy for you then?" "Yeah, can't lie!" You both start laughing and he takes your face in his hands then kisses you deeply. "You're so beautiful when you smile." He sighs when he breaks the kiss. Your face turns red and you look away trying to think of what to say. "I think I love you." As soon as those words leave your mouth you break away from him in embarrassment. "I mean, I didn't mean to-" you're interrupted by the doorbell ringing. You rush over to answer it, take the food and start unpacking it in the kitchen. "This was yours right?" You ask Norman, not lifting your eyes from the parcels. "Yeah I think so." He purposely puts his hand on yours as you slide it over to him. "I love you too." He says as you finally look up and make eye contact with him. You smile at him and he nods, "I really do you know." @blondielovesr5-blog

#norman reedus #norman x reader #the walking dead #imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #fluff

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sugagimmesugar · 5 years

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Only Fools Fall for You

After seeing the insane amounts of BTS imagines and fanfictions I have decided to join the fun!

This is the beginning of a story I am writing at the moment. Its readerXNamjoon. And its music centered. I have one song per chapter that is “featured” and I am currently working on the playlist that is mentioned in the story as well as a playlist to convey the general emotions/moods in the story.

For now I am posting the first 1.5k world of what I have written so far. Please tell me what you think!

Fluff! ; OffDuty!Namjoon; Student!Y/N ; set in sweden

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Namjoon only wanted to discover yet another new town, so he spent the day wandering through the streets, occasionally popping into a shop for this and that.

He found a table in a lonely corner and left his bag and jacket there “claiming” it for himself.

The shop was fairly empty, as to be expected on a monday in septembre. So he didn't worry about being recognized, and just went on to browse the endless shelves of records. With a low chuckle he discovered the “K-Pop” section. It was obvious that K-Pop had not quite reached this country yet, no matter how huge it already was in other parts of europe. The “section” only consisted of one shelf which was 90% BTS and then some BlackPink. He quickly moved on to the more general selection, getting stuck, as always, on Rap.

“Hej, behöver du nån hjälp?”, he hears a voice behind him.

“Huh, sorry?”, he turns around, slightly startled by the store’s clerk, a girl around his age.

“Haha it’s fine, I am just looking around a bit. You guys have a huge selection here so I’m just taking my time. Thank you, though.”

She laughs, and looking around the store she heads straight for the pop section.

“I will check out whatever you recommend, you’re the pro!”

“I’ll set up a listening booth for you with his albums and bring you back your stuff.”, she grins triumphantly. “As I said before, just holla if you want or need anything else.”

A few minutes later he is set up in a booth, just as she said. To top it off, he got some coffee.

“What did you think? His voice is pretty amazing, huh?”

“Unfortunately I was a bit distracted, I didnt manage to catch much of the music.”

“Oh sorry, that must be my fault, huh?” Another wink. It must be his lucky day.

Is she flirting? No, it’s her job to be nice to customers, she is being cute for tips.

“Sure, show me all your favourites. I promise I will buy one album from your recommendations. I’ll finish my coffee and then I’ll join you.”, he smirks.

As he is sipping his coffee, he pulls out his phone to check what the others are up to.

Hobi: “Why the FUCK is it so cold here?”

Jin: “We are in Scandinavia, if u didnt notice. It’s cold here….”

Tae: “Stop being a pussy Hoseok” *image attached of the maknae line eating ice cream by the seashore*

Hobi: “….”

Namjoon can’t help but laugh, everything is as usual. Yoongi has sent him a rough mockup of a track for the next album and he plays it while checking the personal chats with the other members.

JK: “Hyung where r u”

JK: “We are somewhere at the seashore, Tae just kinda went off track somewhere….”

JK: “turns out we were just like 1 street away from a bus stop so, uh, no need to worry… we found our way to some ice cream”

JK: “since i can see youre not even reading these i guess youre having a good time. Cya”

He rolls his eyes, of course the youngest ones almost got lost in another foreign country. He quickly types an answer.

Looking up from his phone, he catches Her staring at him. She winks at him and pats the bar in front of her. He shoots her a quick smile back and gets back to checkin in on the guys.