#been gay yearning a lot recently

[switchy-bastard]

I found what may have been my first gay crush today while looking through old pictures.

I mean, I definitely didn't realize at the time that that's what it was, but. Damn.

I don't want to post too many details, but he was a year above me, back in high school. We hung out a lot, and he was one of my first friends that I knew was gay- I think he was out before we even met?

Anyways, saw an old picture of us at a party together. He looks so young in that picture, but back then he was one of my mature, older friends.

I hope he's doing well, wherever he is now. I hope I get the chance to talk to him again someday, and to thank him for how he helped me (though neither of us knew it at the time) figure out that I'm bi.

He was so patient, too, explaining his sexuality to those of us with questions. His answers were, on occasion, heated/impassioned, but I don't remember seeing him angry, though he would have been well within his rights to be upset with the ignorance he faced.

[sadcoms]

until i recently read posts on here about how there is an inherent queerness to the doctor and rose's relationship in how it's unspoken and filled with yearning that i'd never really considered that element, despite knowing for ages that RTD is gay but. man. it's just reframed a lot of the series for me, like the idea that you have this lonely man who's just watched his people die and is self-destructive and misanthropic and traumatised and he can love again and he wants to but it has so many risks.

but especially S3 and how it adds even more weight to the doctor's grieving widower status. how he tells martha that he and rose were together but martha refers to rose as a friend to tallulah; the fact that he can only say they were together once she is gone; how the only other person that both can feel how he feels but also understands the depth of his feelings is jack, a queer man himself. and I've been thinking to myself lately oh, it's ok, the doctor and rose probably accidentally got married on at least one planet or something but also the point is that there was no official title that could convey to people the extent that they meant to each other, that the doctor can really only tell donna that rose was his friend even though it is so wholly inadequate and she comes to see that by the end of the episode (and martha too of course). how people who saw the doctor and rose together assumed they were a couple, like on krop tor, but once there's no more physical evidence of the relationship it becomes more vague (and simultaneously clearer).

anyway something about how christopher eccleston said he based his portrayal of nine on RTD and something about RTD saying that his husband is "in every good man i write now" and how the doctor and ruby seeing each other in the club mimics his first meeting with his husband aka the one moment he would use a time machine to go back to hmmm

[beesspacedotorg]

The Sky is Blue, the Grass is Green

Summary: You love your girlfriend more than anything else in the world. It's not hard, she's perfect for you. You'd give her everything she could ever want and more still.

Warning: SEX LESBIAN SEX WITH GIRLS AND LESBIANS. I will say that reader has a vagina as does lino. hits is because I wrote this while half asleep after not sleeping for 16 hours with a sore throat and forgot to write gender neutral reader. outside of the fact that the reader has one of those body type is not specified because :|. uh. spanking (sorry, I'm me) and mommy kink (me) and girls being in love with each other

notes: happy pride month. I've been listening to a lot of music by sapphics recently and it made me gay. Also I saw some loser say that Chappell Roan is the first queer person to publicly yearn for women and that is phenomenally untrue. Internet person who I've never met, this was written to spite you. Sorry for not making this more inclusive to women of all body types or to all lesbians regardless of gender. mayhaps I will write something for you soon. EXTRA NOTE: Moon Chaeyoung is not a kpop idol (to my knowledge) she is Cindy Moon aka Silk aka a Spider-Man. Chaeyoung is her Korean name. sorry for the slander, Cindy, I love you more than anything but I needed a name.

You’re going to make her your wife one day. You know this with the certainty that you know everything else. The sky is blue, the grass is green, you are going to marry Lee Minho. You’re staring at her, watching her make breakfast (that isn’t actually breakfast because you’re eating it at 2pm) in an old school shirt of yours and you can feel your love for her swell through your heart to be pumped through the rest of your body. You think that loving her is the most effective drug on the planet, that people wouldn’t need anything stronger than an ibuprofen because just spending a minute alone with her is enough to give you a high unlike any other. She turns around to plate the food and catches you staring, she always does, and it makes her ears blush crimson.

“Yah,” she says it softly, “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Why would I need a picture when I have the real thing right in front of me?” Her ears turn a new, deeper shade of red and she avoids your gaze.

“You’re a charmer, you know that?”

“I have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of me and you want me to be normal about it?” You roll your eyes playfully, and reach for your cup to take a sip of your juice.

“No, you don’t,” she says, suddenly.

“‘No, I don’t’ what?”

“You don’t have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of you,” she hands you your plate - with no eggs because you can’t stand them, and no pork because it makes you sick, and french toast the way your dad used to make on lazy Sunday mornings - made with love and care just like everything else she does.

“You don’t have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of you,” she repeats, sitting down next to you with her breakfast that’s completely different from yours, “I do.”

-

“Minnie Mouse?” You just came from work, calling through the house to see if she’s home, too. You can tell from the aggravated sigh that comes from the living room that she is, indeed, home.

“You could literally call me anything else,” she’s wrestling Dori on her lap, the tabby always staunchly opposed to having his nails clipped.

“Where’s the fun in that?” You sit down beside her and take the clippers, letting her soothe and calm Dori while you make yourself his least favorite for the night. You’ll live. He’ll come begging for attention when Minho’s too busy being great at everything to give it to him.

“The fun is not having your girlfriend break your toes in your sleep.” You laugh at her and bring her Doongie, holding him instead because he doesn’t care about the whole process even a little bit and you want to pet his soft head.

“Did you know there’s nothing they can do for broken toes?”

“Really? Doongie, please stop wiggling so much.”

“Yeah, they kind of just say ‘good luck’ and kick you out before charging you one million dollars for breathing hospital air.”

“American healthcare really is something. How’d you learn that by the way?”

“My friend had an experience once. Also, it was mentioned in a video game.” She laughs, kissing Doongie’s forehead, then yours.

“Did you learn anything else in that video game?”

“I have incredibly poor hand-eye coordination.”

“I could’ve told you that.”

“What- what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Will you get a towel to wrap Soongie in, please?”

“Hey, wait. Hey! You can’t just say weird things and walk away!”

(“Can you really tell that I have poor hand-eye coordination?” You ask her this while she’s splayed out under you, two of your fingers knuckle deep in her sweet cunt while a thumb circles her clit.

“What?” She’s out of breath and her chest is heaving in a way that makes her tits look even hotter than normal. You almost lose your train of thought.

“Earlier. You said you can tell that I have poor hand-eye coordination.”

“Jesus- you stopped fucking me to ask me that?” One of her hands that was cradling your wrist goes up to her eyes to rub at them. “You’re something else.”

“Well! I just remembered it! Maybe I’m not doing a good job-”

“Stupid girl,” she’s got you on your back now, seemingly not caring about the orgasm she was approaching before you got distracted. “When have I ever not told you when I didn’t like something?”

“Uh. Never?”

“Exactly, so why do you think I’d start now? With this?” She gestures between the two of you and you look, stupidly, like you will see something other than your naked, sweaty body and her equally naked, equally sweaty, incredibly sexy body.

“That’s… that’s a great question.”

“I was just teasing, jagi. That’s all.” She kisses the side of your mouth and you can feel the way her lashes flutter along your cheek in a perfect butterfly kiss. Everything about her makes you fall deeper in love the longer you know her, even her stupidly long and perfect eyelashes.

“So, about my hand-eye coordination.” She drops her head to your shoulder with another curse and your hand comes up to play with her hair.

“It’s still bad, believe me. I don’t notice it when we have sex, though. You’re perfectly good with your hands, jagi.”

“The best?” She smiles, kisses you on the mouth this time.

“The best.”)

-

She’s got you in between her legs in the tub, her strong thighs thrown over yours so you can’t move while she aims the jet of the shower head directly on your clit. It’s almost too much, it always is, an unyielding wall of pressure that sends shocks of pleasure through your body in a way that makes you squirmy beyond belief. The first time you did this to yourself, you ended up with bruises on your back, the first time you did this with her, you almost elbowed her in the face. As it stands, she’s got her arms wrapped around you as best she can as you whine underneath her.

“I can’t, I can’t. ‘S too much, please.”

“Jagi,” she coos it right into your ear, “you haven’t even came yet. You keep tapping out before it gets good. Don’t you wanna come, baby?” You nod and she tilts her head out of the way so you don’t nail her in the jaw.

“I want to, but it’s so much.” She coos as you again as your legs scramble uselessly for purchase underneath hers. The tile is too slippery for you to do so, and Minho’s thighs are no joke. She’s danced for years and her gym routine is nothing to scoff at. You could spend hours writing sonnets about her legs if you weren’t so distracted.

“You can though, can’t you, kitty cat?” Your hand pats frantically at her arm until she gets the message to hold it in one of her own. “You can be good for me, right? You’ll come the way I want you to?”

The sound you let out in response to that is more of a cry than anything else, she shushes you and kisses your cheek sweetly like she isn’t the one overloading your nerves with sensation, like the isn’t the one unleashing as much water pressure as possible on the most sensitive part of your body. She shifts her grip just slightly, adjusts the angle and that has you lurching forward so fast you almost knock her over.

“Silly girl, don’t run.” She pulls you right back to her chest, boobs pressed against your back as she fixes the spray directly at the angle that had you reeling. “I always forget how squirmy you get when we do this.” She giggles, like she’s watching a silly cartoon.

“Mommy,” you can’t think enough to say anything intelligent, high, pitchy moans coming out in place of words. You want to answer her, to tell her you weren’t trying to run, that you will be a good girl for her. She’s trained you better than this, but you can’t say much else beyond her title, beyond her name. You hope she knows what you’re trying to tell her anyway.

“Oh, jagi.” Her voice is soft and sweet, but the way she’s pinning you is not. Neither is the way she’s forcing you to take what she gives you. “Mommy’s here, kitty cat. Mommy’s got you.”

“Mommy. Mommy.” You’re repeating it, over and over, too dumb to say anything else as you feel the overwhelming input you’ve been receiving crest higher and higher. She hums after each mention of her name like she understands what you’re saying. Hums like you’re one of the cats meowing at her for attention. You suppose she’s not too far off.

You cum with a near silent scream, breath halting in your chest in a way that used to concern Minho when it first happened. She doesn’t keep the water pressure going for too long after that, dropping the showerhead to replace the stream with her fingers to help you ride it out. She only loosens her grip when you slump back against her, loose limbed and dazed, muscles still twitching from how tightly they were tensed. She kisses the side of your face and very politely keeps her hands above your waistline while you calm down.

“You feel better?” She’s holding the shower head again, and giggles when you close your legs, simply holding it to the side so it doesn’t spray water all over the floor.

“Mhm. Thank you, mommy.”

“I’m glad. Let’s finish showering, yeah? Mommy will clean you up.”

 (You’re leaning heavily against her as she guides you to sit on the bed, grabbing your respective lotions and hair care products and turning to take care of you first. You whine at her.

“Let me do yours!” She raises an eyebrow.

“Keep your eyes open for more than thirty seconds and maybe I will.” You lift your hands and manually pry your eyelids apart. She bats at them until you stop.

“Ew, it’s so gross when you do that. Freak.”

“I miss five minutes ago when you were telling me I’m the love of your life.”

“Five minutes ago you weren’t being a little shit head.”

“False. I’m always a shit head.” She hums and grabs your chin, wiggling your head a little until you look at her.

“No, sometimes, you’re my sweet little girl.”

“Oh.” There’s absolutely no hiding the way you react to her when she talks to you like that and your hands fly to her hips as she lets go and leans back out of your personal space to grab the stuff to start your post-shower routine.

“Let me eat you out.” It’s sudden, and comes out of you in a rush.

“What?” She nearly drops the bottle of leave-in, ears turning red.

“Please? Please. I’ll get on my knees right now.” She scoffs.

“You’re falling asleep as we speak”

“No, I’m wide awake right now. Please let me, please.” She hums.

“Let me finish what I’m doing and if you’re still speaking in full sentences and not going crazy with sleep induced hysteria, I’ll let you.”

“Yippee!”

“If you fall asleep you can have what you want in the morning.”

“You’re the best, ever.”

“I’m aware.”

By the time she’s done taking care of the both of you, you are definitely not well enough to be doing anything. That doesn’t stop you from trying though, and you fall asleep with your head pillowed on one of Minho’s thighs. She has to readjust you so you don’t suffocate in her cunt. What a way to go.)

-

Minho is having a bad day today. It isn’t often she has those, generally unflappable to most things, but she’d gotten into a fight with one of her work friends and came home in a huff.

“I just don’t understand why she won’t listen to me!” She’s slamming things open and closed around the kitchen while you sit on the counter. She works around you as she always does and doesn’t slam anything if it’s less than two feet away from you.

“I know, she’s a bitch. You should report her to HR or something.”

“I should!”

“I’ll help you draft the email. I’m very good at sounding bitchy in a nice way.”

“You are!” She’s aggressively chopping vegetables next to you and you rest a hand on her shoulder.

“Be careful of your fingers, lovie.”

“I’m always careful.”

“Of course you are,” you’re unusually agreeable because it will do nothing but harm to work your girlfriend up when she’s already upset. Besides, of the two of you, you’re more clumsy, so it’s not like you have any legs to stand on. 

“Do you want solutions to what’s going on, or do you want me to keep calling your coworkers mean names?” It’s nice to ask people what kind of support they want, you learned. Minho is a coin toss, sometimes she wants an immediate solution, sometimes she wants to complain. You always do your best to meet her where she is.

“The second one, please.” She’s sauteeing something in the wok, and it smells delicious. You peer over her shoulder.

“Pause. Is that pancit?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the love of my life.”

“Yes, yes,” you touch your pointer finger to the tip of an iron-hot ear as she speaks, “please call Moon Chaeyoung a cunt again, it’s funny.”

And so you do, going into detail about all the ways Moon Chaeyoung is inferior at her job compared to your girlfriend until she asks you for genuine help.

(“Is there anything else you need?” She’s laying with her head in your lap as you make tiny braids in her hair. Her eyes are closing and she hums as she thinks about it. You’ve already given her all the advice that you can, her only course of action now is to do it.

“Well. I can think of some things.” She turns her head to the side and shoves her face into your crotch like an animal. You swat her shoulder lightly.

“You’re a horn dog. Insatiable.” She turns her eyes to you, squinting them so her cat-like gaze shifts from playful to predatory.

“Which one of us woke the other up this morning because they couldn’t stop shoving their hands in their pants?” She sits up, leaning over you.

“I was dreaming!” You’re giggling, slipping under her arm and moving away.

“You kept going after I woke you up!” She stands up, throwing her arms in the air indignantly. You cross your arms in response.

“I was horny!” 

“That’s exactly my point.” She has her head in her hands so the words come out muffled. She grumbles something and lunges after you. You squeal and head towards your room.

“Yah! Get back here you little shit!” She lets out a huff as you throw a cat toy at her.

“I thought I was the love of your life!”

“That was before you decided to run from me- don’t you dare close that damn door-” The bedroom door clicks shut and the sound of your giggles is uncontrollable. You hear her walk away before the lock jiggles and her head pops through.

“Guess who?” You laugh again, heading towards the bed to throw more things at her, it does nothing to stop her. It’s not long before she has you pinned underneath her.

“Hi,” you smile at her, leaning up for a kiss.

“All that and all you want to say to me is ‘hi’?”

“Yeah.” She rolls her eyes and flips you over as you yelp in surprise. You’re about to start questioning her when a sharp sting lights up your ass.

“Ah- Minho! Hey!”

“Stop squirming. I’m not done yet.” There’s another smack over your pants before she pulls them down and her palm is connecting with skin.

“This isn’t fair! I didn’t even do anything!” You’re protesting while laying limply across her lap. She laughs at you.

“��This isn’t fair’ she whines. Why is your pussy so wet then, hmm?” She spreads your legs a bit and lands a smack there too, snickering when your legs close reflexively on her hand. “Be a good girl, jagi. Take what you’re given.”)

-

It’s sunny when you ask her. The air is hot and humid and she’s wearing this dress that’s making your brain melt out of your ears. You’re having a picnic, because you can, and she’s talking about this show that she’s watching with Jisung.

“And then- and you’ll never fucking believe this- he goes ‘I could never court her’ and she overhears. If that happened to me I would literally explode.” You hum, shoving a heart shaped sandwich in her mouth while you look at her side profile. She’s beautiful, sharp nose and a round face. You want to live the rest of your life with her.

You’ve talked about it before, on hazy mornings when the rest of the world is just waking. In the middle of the night when the only sound is the hoot of owls and the buzz of crickets. At lunch, at dinner, at breakfast. In the shower, over the phone, through text messaging when you’re at work. You both are listed on the cat's vet information, something she changed a year into dating that she was nervous about telling you.

  “I don’t want you to feel pressured,” she’d said, “or like they’re your responsibility. I can take you off if you want, but I thought that if I was out of town or if something happened, you should be able to take care of them.” She’d been nervous, ears red with shame instead of the cute way they flush when you flirt with her. 

“Thank you, jagi.” You don’t often call her that, preferring to torture her with bad puns using the syllables of her name, so her breath catches in her throat.

“You’re sure?”

“Of course.”

She knows every order that you get from fast food restaurants, she hounded your parents for their chicken noodle soup recipe when you got sick one time. She learned how to make your grandma’s spaghetti sauce and let’s you call her mommy in bed because it makes you feel safe.

She’s everything to you and then some, so when you tap her shoulder and hold out the ring you bought, it’s as natural as breathing. A fact of life, an inevitability. The sky is blue, the grass is green, you are going to marry Lee Minho.

“He keeps friendzoning her. It's absolutely despicable, like, are you blind or something-” She turns her gaze to you and her eyes go wide. “You’re joking.” Her eyes are welling with tears, something that you hardly ever see.

“I’m as serious as a heart attack, baby. Will you be my wife? I promise if you say yes I’ll start helping you make the bed in the morning instead of laying on it and making your job harder.” She hugs you, knocking you back onto the blanket you’re sitting on. The movement tips over your cup of lemonade and you damn near lose the ring.

“Of course I will. And you most certainly will not help. But that’s okay, I love you even if you create weird bumps in my sheets and mess up my hard work not five seconds after it’s done.” She kisses your face all over, resembling more like an overexcited puppy than the cats she favors, and you grab her hand to slip the ring on it.

“I love you, Minho. I really do.”

“I can’t believe I get to marry the most beautiful girl in the world,” she says, looking down at her hand.

“You don’t,” you start, kissing her cheekbone. “You don’t get to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. I do.”

(“You know,” she starts as you’re packing up, “I was going to propose to you soon.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Absolutely I am not.” She fishes around the pocket of her dress before pulling out a ring.

“This is so funny. Can I still have it?”

“Of course, it’s yours,” she slips it onto your finger, face heating up to match her ears, “everything I have is yours. Everything and then some.”)

[fafnir19]

Vampire

The 30 year old Lasse leaned against the kitchen counter, gazing out of the window as he absentmindedly sipped his coffee.

His thoughts drifted to Merle, his girlfriend, a fiercely independent journalist who had recently taken on an intriguing new subject for a feature—Mario, an enigmatic vampire. As Lasse watched the morning sunlight filter through the window, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease gnawing at the edges of his mind. Merle seemed to be captivated by Mario, and the frequency of his visits to their apartment had increased, much to Lasse's chagrin. Merle, with her sharp wit and unwavering determination, held a special place in Lasse's heart, one that yearned for commitment. But as Merle's focus remained fixed on her work and her increasing encounters with Mario, Lasse's frustration bubbled beneath the surface. It seemed that every effort he made to express his desire for a deeper commitment was met with resistance, Merle insisting that he behaved like a youth, incompatible with her independent lifestyle.

One particular evening, as Lasse returned home after a long day at work, he found Merle engrossed in a conversation with Mario.

Their laughter and animated gestures filled the apartment, a stark contrast to the tense atmosphere that greeted Lasse. Despite his efforts to join their conversation, Lasse felt like an outsider amidst their camaraderie. The weight of his unspoken longing for Merle's affection and commitment bore heavily upon him. He yearned for her to see him in a different light, beyond the confines of mere friendship. Lasse wasn't blind to Mario's charm, and the sour taste of jealousy lingered at the back of his throat, for he couldn't help but fear that the handsome and alluring vampire would sweep Merle away from him. As days turned into weeks, Lasse's turmoil only deepened. The persistent presence of Mario in their lives, coupled with Merle's unwavering fascination with the vampire, set off a storm of insecurities within Lasse. He craved the captivating allure that seemed to surround Mario, wishing he could command Merle's attention in the same way and finally convince her to marry him.

One evening, as Lasse found himself alone in the apartment, a knock at the balcony door jolted him from his reverie. Annoyance flickered across his features, assuming it was Mario once again. But as Lasse slid open the door, he was taken aback to find another figure standing before him—a vampire, with a striking countenance and an air of authority.

"I see you're expecting someone else," the vampire remarked, a hint of sarcasm lacing his words. Lasse blinked in surprise. "I thought you might be Mario. Who are you?" The vampire stepped forward, his piercing gaze fixed on Lasse. "I am Vincent. Mario's acquaintanceship, I presume, has become quite a regular affair in this household." A flicker of apprehension tinged Lasse's voice. "Yes, he's been spending a lot of time here lately. But what does that have to do with you?" Vincent's features contorted into a scowl. "You see, I've come seeking Mario's supposed crush, the one who seems to keep him hardly at home anymore." Lasse's brow furrowed in confusion. "Crush? I'm afraid you've come in vain. Merle isn't here." Vincent's expression darkened. "I have no time for jests, mortal. I won't tolerate being made a fool of." Lasse's confusion deepened. "Wait, I don't understand. What do you want from me?" Vincent leveled a pointed stare at Lasse. "It has come to my attention that Mario's affections do not lie with your girlfriend, as one might erroneously assume. In fact, he has set his sights upon you, not Merle." Lasse recoiled in disbelief. "Me? But that's absurd. Mario is—" Vincent's voice cut through Lasse's protest. "Mario is gay, and his fascination lies with you, not Merle. And make no mistake, I am envious of you. Envious that Mario's attentions are directed at you instead of me." The pieces of the confounding puzzle fell into place in Lasse's mind. His feelings of jealousy and bewilderment churned within him, and a pit formed in his stomach. "I don't know what to say. I thought he was here for Merle, not for—" Vincent interrupted, his tone taking on a sly edge. "I have a proposition, Lasse. A proposition that may benefit the both of us. What if I were to turn you into a vampire? Perhaps then, Merle would find you more enticing and see fit to marry you. And after the wedding, Mario would surely relinquish his hold on you." Lasse's initial reluctance gave way to a desperate longing for a chance to win Merle's heart. "You would—turn me into a vampire? But how do you even—" Vincent held up a hand, cutting off Lasse's question. "I must warn you, the transformation won't be without pain. But if it's your heart's desire, I can make it happen." Lasse hesitated, his mind wrestling with the tumultuous emotions churning within him. "I... I don't know if this is the right thing to do. But if it's the only way to finally convince Merle to marry me, then I'll agree to it." Vincent's lips curled into a smile, an unsettling glint in his eyes. "Very well, Lasse. Prepare yourself, for this is a decision that will forever alter the course of your existence." With those words, Vincent beckoned Lasse to a secluded corner of the apartment, where the moon's ethereal glow cast an otherworldly aura. Lasse steeled himself, his heart pounding in his chest, as he presented his neck to Vincent, ready to embrace his uncertain destiny. But Vincent's next words shattered the fragile stillness that enveloped them, leaving Lasse stunned in disbelief. "No, no, the neck will not do. It will leave unsightly marks. It would be better to bite your—" Vincent hesitated, then continued, "—penis. Yes, that will be much more discreet." Lasse's mind reeled, the air thick with an unspoken tension.  Lasse hesitated for a moment, bewildered and slightly uncomfortable, but the desire to win Merle's affection eclipsed his reservations. Resolving to do whatever it took, he lowered his pants, and Vincent sank his teeth into Lasse's flesh. Agony overwhelmed Lasse, and as his consciousness waned, the world faded into darkness.

Lasse came to, his senses slowly returning, he found himself in the dimly lit living room. A stirring of confusion and disbelief coursed through him as his eyes landed on Merle standing before him. Lasse's heart surged with an unfamiliar blend of trepidation and anticipation, his voice trembling as he spoke, "Merle, I've become a vampire, for you. Will you marry me now?" Merle's laughter filled the room, her amusement evident in her sparkling eyes as she shook her head. "Marry you? Oh, Lasse, you look like a 20-year-old boy now. You've become my eternal youth, but that doesn't change the fact that everyone would mistake me for your mother."

Her playful laughter danced through the air, leaving Lasse reeling in disconcerted astonishment. It was only then that Lasse noticed his reflection in the nearby mirror, witnessing the profound transformation that had overtaken him. The realization hit him like a lightning bolt—his appearance, a stark departure from the familiar contours of his face and form. The once familiar lines and expressions etched upon his visage had vanished, replaced by an unexpected youthfulness. He struggled to grasp the profound depths of this inexplicable change the vampire had wrought upon him, a transformation far beyond the scope of his comprehension. A pulsing wave of disquiet washed over Lasse, the weight of his decision bearing down upon him like an unrelenting storm. Eager to unravel the enigma of his metamorphosis, Lasse made his way to the crypt inhabited by Vincent and Mario, his mind racing with unanswered questions.

Lasse stormed into the crypt, his youthful appearance and confusion evident as he eyed Vincent, who appeared oddly at ease and strikingly good-looking.

"What have you done to me?" Lasse demanded, his blue eyes filled with frustration. Vincent flashed a charming smile. "Relax, Lasse. You look really cute, you know. Embrace it." Lasse scowled, crossing his arms. "I don't want to look cute. I want to look my age." Vincent chuckled. "When a human becomes a vampire, their appearance reflects their inner essence. You were always youthful at heart. You should be grateful." "Grateful?" Lasse's voice rose incredulously. "I look like a teenager now! How will I ever win Merle's heart this way?" Vincent patted Lasse's shoulder. "You're missing the point, my dear Lasse. Merle isn't the only one who could fall for you now." Lasse's confusion deepened. "What are you talking about?" Vincent leaned in, his voice conspiratorial. "You see, the vampire bite on your penis not only changed your appearance but also your sexual preferences. You're no longer just straight, my friend." Lasse's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean?" Vincent's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Well, you're about to discover a new side of yourself. You're going to be, how do I put it… open to different experiences. The bite on your penis awakens the sexual preferences of the biting vampire in you. Since I’m bisexual, soon you will be too.”  Lasse stumbled back, his mind whirling. "That's not possible! I've always been straight!" Vincent's chuckle was knowing. "Just wait and see, Lasse. Things are about to get very interesting for you." Before Lasse could protest further, the crypt's door creaked open, and Mario sauntered in.

His gaze fell on Lasse, and to Lasse's surprise, he saw hunger in Mario's eyes. It made Lasse's heart race in an unfamiliar way. Vincent gestured towards Mario. "Now, Lasse, I think it's time for you to discover the pleasures that await you." Vincent's eyes glinted with amusement. Lasse's mind reeled. "I don't want this! I don't want any of this!" But Vincent and Mario advanced, their allure and power impossible to resist.

Lasse struggled, but as the night wore on, his resistance weakened. Vincent and Mario teased out feelings and desires in Lasse that he'd never known existed. Their touch was both intoxicating and mesmerizing. Lasse felt a mix of confusion, pleasure, and guilt, but deep down, a part of him reveled in the newfound attention and sensations. By the end of the night, Lasse was breathless, his mind spinning, and his desires upended. As days turned into weeks, Lasse found himself drawn to Vincent and Mario more and more. Their encounters became frequent, each leaving Lasse dazed and craving for more. The whirlwind experiences began to shape him in ways he'd never imagined, feeding his newfound vanity and confidence.  Lasse reveled in the attention and pleasures that Vincent and Mario bestowed upon him and didn't care about Merle anymore. He realized that the Lasse who once yearned for commitment now seemed like a distant figment of the past, replaced by this vain and confident heartthrob he'd become. Days turned into weeks, and Lasse's encounters with Vincent and Mario became bolder, embracing a newfound polyamorous lifestyle with both men and women—an existence he'd never envisioned.

In the midst of it all, Merle's focus was on her work and a new lover.

Months passed, and the once-looming prospect of marriage dimmed to a mere whisper in Lasse's memory. The freedom he'd come to cherish held him in its thrall. As Lasse reveled in the attention and pleasures, he couldn't help but wonder why he'd ever been eager to marry. The newfound freedom and indulgence seemed to drown out the whispers of his previous desires.

[nyan-koii]

Hii! Do you have any recs of sebschumi fics or content on tumblr? Or like literally anything; pictures, interviews? I'm new to this duo and I'm lacking the content. :(

HI ANON !! SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL 💖

Thank you so so much for this question. I genuinely squealed and teared up when i saw this. Im happy theyre getting more acknowledgement and that you're willing to learn more about them !! For starters, they dont have much contents at all and most of them are quite difficult to find but i've gathered some of them that will help you to understand why this ship and their bond between one another beats every other seb's pairings 🙏 it's quite a long thread because i want to pull you down into this hole hehehehhehehehe

Tumblr contents

1. @/effervescentdragon post of hero worshipping and yearning

: this emotional heart wrenching web weaving about sebschumi is so incredible as it gives you an insight of how they both work and play out in each other's life from the first time seb saw michael at the karting club and the times when seb reminiscence about his past with michael. This was the last straw that made me realise that sebschumi deserves so so much if not more than sebmark ngl. Everything just hurts and they did it so well with the web weaving!!

2. @/schumi-honey post about germancedes and how michael always chooses seb at the end of the day

: now this one is REALLY REALLY INTERESTING FOR ME BECAUSE michael, being in a team that gave brawn their world champion, jean todt asking him to come back into said team with a potentially wdc teammate who is also half german half finnish but races under the german flag will still find and choose sebastian vettel at the end of the day. If that doesnt sound crazy to you then i'm sorry but you're missing out. The post is incredible as it shows how does michael act with a person, and with sebastian. He changes completely !! Thats true love man.

3. @/andromedasummer post about mary sue seb

: this one gives a view of how sebastian is totally the y/n in his life story and when that moment of truth comes to your realization, you just gotta go like DAMN this kid is lucky af because a wdc michael, the pride of german at that time chooses SEBASTIAN VETTEL to be his successor among all other kids, Michael that said "this 12 year old is making my life difficult! He's so fast," to Gerhard who will later on recruit him under redbull sponsorship. Crazy right? It's like Seb is the chosen one in Michael's life. The one that will continue his legacy (people have been calling and referring him as 'baby schumi') and the one that will eventually become one of his closest friend on and outside the grid. And we also got this from the post which has never left my mind after reading it and never failed to make me cry... they both are so superior and connected with each other... red string of fate type of dynamic is so strong here....

4. Kart Club Kerpen Sebschumi

: this just means a lot to me because michael and seb first met here and to see them karting with each other, laughing and getting so so comfortable around each other's presence shows how much they've grown while indirectly growing up with one another. SEBSCHUMI YOU'RE MY WORLDDDD

5. Pranksters Sebschumi

: It's just so so fun and refreshing to see their dynamics in this one. Michael and seb being menances, partners in crime everytime they're spotted together and how seb will do anything michael asked him to even if it means causing riot in other's life,,, LIKE???? I CANT BELIEVE THESE GAYS OMG but yeah, their dynamics are soooo good i love them so much 💖

6. Recent Seb interview about Michael

: this iirc was during that time where seb did a test with porsche and then we got this interview saying how seb just misses michael which he refers to as a friend.... my heart broke im telling you i cant handle it😞 michael also said that he was glad to found seb in his life and that in his world full of ego, seb is the only one that he feels genuine to be with which michael also labelled their relationship as something special. SHOOT ME ALREADY KILL ME IM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW DAWGGG

Fic recs

Onto the good part now☺ keep in mind that we barely have any fics about them so please if any of you guys have ideas for them, dont be afraid to share it to ao3 <3 because I WILL BE THE PERSON THAT WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY IT THE MOST LIKE I'LL BE YOUR NO 1 FAN !!! And please dont forget to comment and leave kudos to them 🙏

1. Never have I ever by Tianvette

: theres this unspoken rule created by god tianvette regarding sebschumi and honestly, it really really shaped them both into so much more because like,, that headcanon? That fanon?? It's canon now because ONLY MICHAEL CAN CALL SEBASTIAN AS "BASTI" AND NO ONE ELSE GETS TO CALL HIM THAT 🙏 so thank you to this fic for making them more special than ever.

2. Im sorry by @/n-ico-ando

: OKAY OKAY OKAY THIS IS ACTUALLY THE FIC THAT MADE ME GOT INTO OLD F1 FANDOM, SEBASTIAN VETTEL AND SEBSCHUMI ITS JUST SO GOOD OKAY?!?!? JUST READ IT AND YOU'LL GET WHAT I MEAN I LOVE THIS FIC WITH MY WHOLE LIFE IT CHANGED ME TO A BETTER PERSON AURGGHGHSHAJSA VERY VERY NORMAL WITH THIS ONE,, I SWEAR.... MY BIBLE MY CAUSE OF EUPHORIA

3. I'm gonna take mind of you with me by @/likethegardensofbabylonn

: this fic is ongoing but GOSH GOSH GOSH OH GOD THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I FIRST READ IT. The settings took place with seb remembering his memories with michael before and after the accident so yeah, if you need a good heartbreaking and gut wrenching story about angsty sebschumi, this is the one because it's just so perfect with seb's thoughts his internal conflicts and how the author makes a great interpretations on seb's character. This fic feels so close to me because of how true and close the whole settings and narrations sound like with my thoughts so yes, it's something you should invest your time and think of everytime someone said sebschumi.

4. Use me Use me (cause i ain't no average groupie) by @/horn-knee-demons-anonymous

: I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS FIC EXCEPT THAT HOW BRILLIANT AND ALLURING THE STORY IS. I've always wanted a seb harem fic with sebschumi as the endgame considering of the drought ive been facing so when this fic came, it's as if god has heard my prayers because truly this fic alongside with the author herself, my guiding moonlight and the stars of my night, are just god given with how much they changed the trajectory of my life and im so glad i met her and able to read her works. The worldbuilding, the consistency in every single characters, the dynamics, their interactions and every single wordings here leaves you wanting for more and makes you feel like you're on the edge of your seat! It's like "am i allowed to be reading this for free!?!?" But really, this is a masterpiece so please give them all of your love and be there while it's still ongoing <3

5. Hurts by Molly_lovers1

: as a fan of dead dove with a huge favouritism of age gap and underage characters, i was super happy when i first read this fic mainly because of the struggle, the push and pull dynamics between sebschumi and their guilt ridden thoughts as well as their burning desire that makes this feels so so good yet vile to be reading. It's that kind of fic where i jerked off to every night while thinking about it lolll BUT IM SO SO SO NORMAL ABOUT IT.

6. How to treat a guest by yours truly

: shameless self promo but i was trying to spread my sebschumika agenda here☺💖 i hope you get the vision too hehe !!

Videos

The complete compilations of all known sebschumi sources can be found here though it doesnt cover much of the roc contents but still!! This one is a really really good guide for them both 🥰

Michael Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel Compilation

And ROC 2007 cuts of sebastian vettel because this was their first race together as a teammate, michael had just retired and he brought a newly fresh boy as his team to compete against all the other drivers. If that's not love and bias then i dont know what to say because oh god, this does so much to me as a person who worships sebschumi everyday.

Roc 2007 Sebastian Vettel Cuts

Articles

I cant put pictures anymore so this is all for now !! I hope by the end of this post, everyone will become and realize the true power of sebschumi 🥰🙏🔥🔥

[sokovianfortune]

hello . i would like to talk about my own sexuality/relationship headcanons for the wbn trio since it’s a topic of conversation today :3

jack and elsa are both bisexual. this is a semi-recent discovery for both of them, given that most of elsa’s sexual partners have been women and most of jack’s sexual and romantic partners have been men. had they been asked about their sexualities pre-special, they’d both probably identify themselves as some flavor of gay (here meaning same-sex attracted, rather than an umbrella term like queer!). there is a reason why i have referred to the two of them running into each other in the maze as The Bisexual Jumpscare.

jack is also asexual! he’s not particularly sex-repulsed, he just largely views sex as a bonding activity and a way to make his partner feel good/express romantic love. this is fine by ted because uhh. i mean. let’s all be honest with ourselves here, it is very doubtful that my man has a libido anymore or the hardware to make it happen.

on the other end of the spectrum, you have elsa who only rarely indulged in sex as a way to scratch the human need itch. most of her past partners were one-night stands and she never stuck around for long, either way. but, once she and jack got together, her libido went fucking haywire and now she’s constantly (willingly!) dragging him into ulysses’s old bed chambers. good for her. good for them.

ted only the other hand is Gay gay. he did have a wife pre-transformation as per comics canon but, at the time they were married, he hadn’t really realized or even explored that particular facet of himself. workaholic scientist, yknow. he was operating under the typical “oh i guess i have to get married now because that’s what people Of My Age do.” there also might have been some period-accurate comphet involved, depending on how old he actually is.

ironically and perhaps to metatextually lean into monsters being queer-coded, becoming what he is now, while obviously a traumatic experience at the time, eventually allowed ted the freedom to explore this facet of himself and become comfortable with it.

jack and ted call each other husbands. they are not legally married. it just kind of started as a bit one day and it stuck. at what point did it stop being a bit? they don’t know and have not addressed it. jack would love to wear a ring regardless but he’s very worried about accidentally severing a finger if he forgets to take it off before the full moon.

on the hand, if anyone refers to jack as anything less neutral than elsa’s partner, she Will start gagging. she is forty one years old, she is nobody’s fucking girlfriend. wife is also off the table. she’d get married for practical tax reasons or something maybe but it would have to just be signing a paper in a courthouse with one (1) witness. an actual wedding ceremony (having to bear her stupid soft feelings in front of everyone she knows!!!) would be akin to a particularly humiliating trip through the nine circles of hell for her.

i call them the people’s polycule but they’re really more like a poly v with jack as the midpoint. ted and elsa are decidedly not romantically interested in each other at all but they Are besties united by their love for their beloved little bow wow. i know we have confirmation of the “she’s not into dogs” line but my headcanon is and always will be that the thing ted says to jack to make him laugh at the end is only kind of a joke about being willing to try opening things up if he wanted to.

(jack immediately dismissed this as A Joke and that was when ted knew he was in for a whole lot of yearning. god help him.)

[red-hibiscus]

A reflection on LITBC

Took me a few days, but I finally finished watching Love in the Big City. I can already tell it's going to be a bl I think about for a long time.

It felt so real and familiar, while also not since my life is very different to Go Young's. I love how the main character really is just a guy. He's imperfect and absolutely has made mistakes that the show did not hide, but I wouldn't call him a bad person either. In terms of personality I know so many gay guys who act like him and his friend group. That's the realistic chaotic friend group. Sassy, kinda everywhere, will judge you with filter, but fiercely loyal and will be there for each other for decades to come.

He's a young adult who got fucked over by shitty guys, and he himself isn't really the best when it comes to knowing how to sustain love and a relationship. But he wants to. He desperately wants to know the secret to being happy with someone he loves.

The whole show definitely feels like one of those "hindsight is 20/20" +"you don't know what you have until it's lost". We're given glimpses of his life through his relationships with various people, people that unfortunately were not destined to stay for long. At least not nearly as long as he wanted them to. A good chunk of the blame for the separation does have to do with Go Young's stubborn personality, and at least individually he acknowledges it. He learns it too late, but he acknowledges that he's argumentative and bad at keeping love.

In the last 'section' of the show we see him reflect on his past, particularly his relationship with Gyuho, the most recent impactful relationship. Out of all his boyfriends Gyuho was probably the one whose personality matched his the best. The boyfriend his friends liked the most (very important). If it wasn't for the move to China they likely would've stumbled their way through another few years at least. Go Young said it himself, he thought they were forever. Perhaps in the future after this reflection period he'll meet with someone he can have a similarly good connection to. This time with the knowledge of how to keep the relationship and nurture the love.

This show as a story about love rather than a pure romance. A lot of romance stores revolve around the build up to an official relationship, whereas most of LITBC takes place once he's already in a relationship. It's not exactly about *how* he got there, it's about what happened after. How the relationships failed and how he looked back on them. It's fascinating to me.

I love how the show touched upon various sad and unfortunate aspects of being gay. The internalized homophobia from Yeongsu is a big one, and it seemed like Go Young himself dealt with a lot of homophobia in the past. More so than he likes to show. HIV and how much it impacts a person even if physically they're managing. Beyond that, the whole show is filled with a specific kind of gay yearning. I really do mean gay yearning as opposed to straight yearning.

Imo, the actors all did a great job at portraying their characters. Big props to Yoonsu especially.

--

I personally am in a really rough patch of life right now. I've probably never been so lost and lonely in my life. Perhaps that's why I had to watch the show in pieces. While much of Go Young's experience is different than mine, the tiredness and the loneliness is very much what I'm feeling now. I would hope that for both of us we're able to find ourselves being loved, loving, and comfortable to be ourselves.

I didn't read the book and definitely wish I actually joined in on the tumblr bookclub. Unfortunately me finding the motivation to read and finish a book is hard. One day I hope to read it.

[katrina20lh]

1 + 20 for the historical asks?

Hi there and thanks for the ask! I apologize for not answering earlier, i had a shit ton of homework to do.

1. Who is your favourite historical person?

Frederick the Great of Prussia. I wouldn't change him for anyone. He's a mess and all; but is just that his life, the abuse he suffered when he was a child, his first years as king, his relationship with Voltaire, his letters describing his feelings, all of that just moves me in a way no other figure has ever done. I smile full of joy when i discover some facts about him, when i read a letter he wrote, when i learn about all of his relationships. A lot of people focus on his military achievements, which are obviously amazing, but I love to learn about the feelings he experimented, about the shared human experience we all have. I know he has been dead for God-know-how-long but i just want to tell him that he is remembered vigorously for many of us and that all the things he felt, all the tears he cried, are valued and that he's appreciated for not only the things he achieved, but also because of who he was. I learnt about him not so long ago but now this man and his boyfriend ( voltaire) live in my head and I can't get them out. But I wouldn't like to anyway <3.

20. History crush?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I sadly anounce that I don't think I have anyone??

Yeah, I mean all my options are kinda cursed: Fritz? no way dude, the guy hate women and is gay; Voltaire? I mean maybe but i want to keep my mental stability; Robespierre? I don't think so; Saint-Just? mmmm he's finee but he's not my type.

But recently there's been someone that I yearn to know better and get in her marvelous mind: Émilie du Châtelet. I haven't read a lot about her, but the little thing i know are enough to make me say what a woman! Anyway, if I find someone that makes me go insane in the good way I'll anounce it without directly saying it, but giving non-verbal clues.

[denimbex1986]

'There are certain kinds of films that really impact me emotionally. One genre is what I will call “Saddest Film I Ever Saw”, and weirdly the Brits seem to have almost cornered the market on this one.

If asked, I usually say the very saddest film I have ever seen is “Never Let Me Go”, the heart-rending British Sci Fi classic based on Nobel-prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel. Oh, and if that didn’t make you cry, with its trio of Oscar winners and nominees — Andrew Garfield, Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightly — trying to love and live before they are forced to sever their limbs (yep), then the Merchant-Ivory production of Ishiguro’s “The Remains of the Day” has to.

Or your tear ducts have straight up dried up.

And, also from the UK, Saorise Ronan in the insanely sad Dystopian Sci Fi film, “How We Live Now”. Oh.my.garsh. There’s a new one: a distinctly British tale of late love, “All of Us Strangers”.

Gay Love and Heartbreak: Who Knew?

I have read a lot of reviews of this film, and, well, it had a nearly perfect IMDB Critics and Users score. I recently had a debate with some other people who are quite knowledgeable about film, about whether IMDB scores even matter. They eschew IMDB and use Letterbox’d — all the cool kids do, apparently (LOL).

Trust me, IMDB scores matter. Nearly every film I have ever seen that has had an IMDB score higher than 6.5 has been Good, and ones with a 6.8–7.1 score (they hardly ever (ever) go higher than that) are usually amazing.

What critics have keyed on is not that this is a beautiful tale of Gay love, of growing up Gay during the AIDS era and having parents who, in the words of The Fresh Prince, “just don’t understand” (or do they?), and then get killed in a car crash. Although all of that is present. Critics have keyed on the fact that “All of Us Strangers” is a timeless story of love and loss. Period. It could be any pair of people: old, young, gay, straight. It doesn’t matter, because Haigh’s and co-writer Taichi Yamada’s script and direction deliver the goods.

The Progress We Have Made

This film probably could not have been made, or been as successful even ten years ago. But today, when despite the forces of Evil arrayed against LGBTQ+ people all over the world, and especially in the US, Haigh presents us with an achingly beautiful love story between two people, who happen to be Gay Men. And it shows us, sans any prurience, gorgeous scenes of Gay Lovemaking that are the farthest thing from pornographic or even lurid.

And he does this by asking more narrative questions than he ever answers. Which I, personally, love.

Andrew Scott plays Adam, a screen-writer (how Meta) living in a nearly empty apartment building somewhere in London, at some point in time (the recent past? the near future?), who by a simple twist of fate ends up in the arms of Harry, played by Paul Mescal. I have loved Scott ever since his turn as a sexually active Anglican Priest in Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s amazing TV series “Fleabag”, and also love Mescal for, among other things, the critically lauded “Aftersun”.

A Queer Ghost Story?

What makes the narrative so fascinating is that, in parallel with this surprising tale of new love, Adam decides to return to his home town and finds his Mother and Father still living in the house in which he grew up, and still the same age they were thirty years ago right before they died in a car crash.

Why and how this impossible thing is happening provides much of the narrative force for “All of Us Strangers”, and Haigh inter-weaves the yearning love of Adam and Harry with Adam’s need to talk to his parents. You see, he needs to know if they knew he was Gay when he was in school (they did) and whether his Mum approves of the fact he likes Men, not Women (She does).

If you are fully willing to “suspend disbelief” (as Poet Coleridge famously said) then you are all in, and the only important thing is to see how Adam’s dialogues with his Mum (played by the excellent Claire Foy) and his Da (played by the under-rated Jamie Bell) will give them, and him some Peace.

It Gets Weird, then it Gets…

And why do they need that? Because, and this not a spoiler, they are all probably Dead. Jamie Ramsay’s gorgeous, yet unintrusive, Cinematography establishes a dream-like visual language in which we simply follow along both the Love Story and the Ghost Story, and really don’t want it to end.

But, alas, the story needs to go somewhere, and in the third reel Adam comes back to the Apartment Building to find Harry dead in Harry’s apartment. Again, not a spoiler, as it is never clear if any of the few characters in the film are actually alive in the first place.

As they lie together on his Bed, the shot of the two of them starts to shrink against a white background, eventually collapsing like a Neutron Star. Queue tears — bawling, really.

Question posed? Yes. Answered? Brilliantly, no.'

[wrestlingarsenal]

TLDR - I recap a poignant short story posted in 2000 which describes seeing beautiful young Bobby Shane rassle on TV back in the homophobic 1970s.

Bobby Shane would later morph into a cocky, flamboyant bleached-blond Heel like Ric Flair or Gorgeous George. However, he began his career as a fresh young pretty boy that made all the young gays swoon. I recently stumbled across a provocative short story that references him.

The author recalls being 10 years old, watching wrestling on TV with his redneck uncles down in Georgia: Ray age 19 and Kent age 25. Uncle Kent apparently had a man-crush on babyface Bobby Shane, who was suffering on TV that night. The author notes that Kent "truly did love Bobby Shane—in fact ached blue for him." (I know that feeling.)

In the match, Bobby takes a beating from an aggressive Black heel performing the old jungle savage gimmick. I'm guessing it looked something like this:

That's when homophobic Uncle Ray begins to taunt Uncle Kent for being queer for young Bobby Shane, which pisses Kent off because, back then, it was considered despicable and unmanly to be aroused by other men, including pro wrestlers if you can believe that. (I mean, we're SUPPOSED to be turned on by pro wrestlers, that's the whole POINT of pro wrestling. Am I right?! And who the hell WOULDN'T be attracted to young Bobby Shane?? But in the 70's, you had to keep that queer shit on the Down Low as I recall.)

Anyway, witnessing the grappling on TV becomes too stimulating and the Drunken Uncles tag team suddenly wanted to dominate someone (hey, I get it!) So they begin to roughhouse their little nephew, giving him Indian Burns and Red Bellies, all that grab-ass shit that young men do. And then it all goes downhill from there.

Anyway there is a lot more angst and regret to the story, but this scene just felt familiar to me as a horn-dog for wrestling who grew up around the same era. I can recall the hopeless yearning for the handsome Babyface in peril (mixed with vehement denials of any queer feelings); that tawdry and violent 1970s Rasslin on TV, holding everyone's rapt attention in case something hot should happen; those horny cravings to grapple somebody triggered by watching shirtless men on TV going at it; the sloppy rough-housing on the couch or floor, knocking over lamps while giving zero shits. Been there, done that, bought the skimpy briefs.

Trigger warnings: the original story contains homophobic, racist, and ableist slurs (including the N word and R word - which is how many people talked during the 1970s when this story takes place) and descriptions of violence. I do not condone the crude language, I do not condone frightening children or making them cry - I just felt the wrestling scene sounded familiar.

The story was posted in 2000 to the Arkansas Literary Forum, an early and short-lived attempt to use the Internet for intelligent discourse rather than just porn, gossip, and fake news (we were still idealistic 23 years ago -- it hurts me to remember how earnest we were.) The story was written by journalist Phillip Martin and is titled, "Before Bobby Shane Grew a Mustache and Became Evil."

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

13 minutes in hell (short series. pt 1???)

Summary: The goth and the bee get dragged to a party by their respective roommates/friends (a term Wednesday is not ready to use, yet) and find themselves locked in a closet. Like, a literal closet.

AO3 LINK:

NOT CANON COMPLIANT AT ALL.

Content Warnings: mentions of or depictions of alcohol/drinking, swords/knives, fighting/dueling, arson, threats, and possession. There's lots of closeted gay things happening here, also. Super long fic. Lots of tension, lots of angst.

Word Count: 13, 774

Please spare me for any grammar or syntax errors or oddities. I wrote this at 4/5 am in a fit of gay yearning. I hope you enjoy. More notes at the end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Barclay."

"Addams".

The two nodded at each other as they passed by, on the tails of their "friends" (a term the Addams had not yet resigned to fully) making their greetings as they joined the party. Only those who stayed over the short break were there, which was more than expected given the events that took place just a few weeks ago. The two eyed each other for a moment before they were dragged into other greetings and such. The two hadn't spoken in weeks.

Wednesday was raised to respect those worth respecting or at least not disrespecting those who hadn't earned it, but more recently had secretly been working on "reading the room" as Enid, and many other students in Wednesday's social atmosphere had put it many times before. Bianca knew how to conduct herself in nearly any setting to garner the most appropriate and prosperous result.

The pair had recently found a new, mutual respect for each other -that neither would admit had already existed prior to the whole killing an undead pilgrim together thing. While they had a fairly solid banter and distaste for the other, they both knew that either one or likely both wouldn't have made it through the night if not for the other. They had worked together before, sharing a common goal in protecting the other outcasts at the school. The thing is that neither of them did this, thing, themselves, or with a group, they did it together - yet another thing neither wanted to fully accept. Not that they had been allied to each other, as both knew how to join forces for a cause greater than themselves well. It was more so that they had done anything together, with little to no discussion or taunting during or after the event. They had both fought, hard, for the other. Without a single doubt or question. It wasn't a hard decision for either of them, in fact it was almost like they didn't even get the chance to choose. It just sort of happened. Not that they would admit it, but neither wanted to see the other one die or be harmed in such a way. Not by an old white man, and not really at all. Maybe in fencing or on the quad when it came to words or clashing of their personalities or powers - but no one else could be allowed hurt the other one. Neither could bare it, not that they really knew that yet.

Wednesday stood behind Enid and Ajax, starring blankly at the wall in the distance, looking through but not at anyone. She kept her hands by her side as always, standing exactly straight.

Bianca found herself in-between her friends, keeping the tempo of conversation flowing as everyone laughed and expressed their excitement for the gathering.

Yoko prodded Bianca in her side with her long nail, fitting neatly in-between her ribs with a playful jolt (Bianca was sure she had practice knowing where everything was in the human anatomy being that she was literally a vampire, and she was pre-med focused, so she was sure to complain later when they made it back to their dorms).

"This one's a cold blooded killer, isn't that right B'?" Yoko laughs with a toothy smile.

"Not sure why you ever doubted it, sucka'." She laughs, as she's supposed to.

If she's being honest, she didn't really want to have been a part of that night. She found herself replaying it over and over in bed lately, finding it hard to rest. She was tired of being that, although she couldn't fully bring herself to regret it. There's really never a wrong time to get rid of a colonizer, she thought to herself quietly. But, beyond that, she avoided wondering if maybe there was another reason she was so prepared to reactivate the parts of her she had forced dormant that night. The killing parts of her. She hadn't used her siren song or her real combat power in such a long time. Sure, she fenced for school but that was more of an outlet for her mental health and a good grade, plus she always kept it PG because no one was a real challenge anyway. No one except -

"-Wednesday, too!" Exclaimed Enid, much to the Raven's dismay.

"Wednesday and Bianca were the perfect team! The fencing tournaments should be an even easier win this year at this rate!" the colorful wolf girl continued to exclaim, now to Bianca's disdain as well.

Wednesday and Bianca made eye contact, the pale girl averting her eyes to the side quickly - almost robotically, arms still at her sides.

Bianca felt similar, but she also felt something rise within her. Something she hadn't felt in a while.

"Agreed. Who knows what would've happened if I wasn't there?"

She said slyly, with a smirk that made the translucent hairs on the back of the Raven's neck stand at attention.

"I would've had no one there to see me kill the bastard myself." Wednesday replied, face straight as a nail but her eyes excited. A look Bianca knew well.

They had missed taunting each other, greatly.

"Well there you have it, finally we're back to normal! Let's toast to the continual death of colonizers and our saviors finally being mean again." Divina toasts with a laugh.

The other's laugh and continue their conversations. Finally everyone finds their way into the venue, a few folks mixing the punch and some closing the big wood doors.

The night carries along as the punch bowl empties and refills itself.

Enid and Ajax drag Wednesday around and she lets them. She needed to get out of her dorm, and would tolerate this setting if it meant she wasn't being hounded by her parent's all night on the crystal ball, which granted, she did prefer to using the phone Xavier had given her - which she still hadn't told her parents about. They had been extra loving lately, making Wednesday sick. They had facetimed more this week than the entire semester.

"It refills itself!" Enid declares happily, having another cup.

"Must be a charm from the witches, I'm sure this isn't what Professor Sòsyè intends when she teaches spell and potions" Ajax laughs, a bit sloppy as he scoops another glass of jungle juice for himself and offers one to Wednesday, adding an extra bat gummy into it for her with a genuine smile.

"I'm sure she's no stranger, she's one of the better teachers here for a reason. I'm sure Weems is shape shifting in her bed about the thought, though." She resigns as she takes it and gulps it quickly to the pairs surprise. They choose not to question it, happy that she's humoring them at all. They watch as she gets two more cups, one in each hand.

Wednesday had been different since the event, in small, nearly unnoticeable ways to the untrained eye. Her roommate, of course, noticing purely out of nosiness (at least that's what Wednesday chooses to believe, unaccepting that someone might actually know and care for her). She had been making great efforts to remain in control, but her visions had been null and her sleep disturbed. She had been a bit on edge, according to her padre who had cried nearly every call, which Wednesday had shut down more than once. She was a bit more rough with his emotions than normal, Enid's too probably. She denied all allegations, even though she did feel a bit bad. That's why she always answered the calls, and why she was even at the party tonight.

She looked over her cup as she finished it, noticing the Siren sitting on the edge of a chair talking with Xavier and Yoko. She laughed, and the Raven girl wondered if she meant it. She stared as Xavier touched the siren's hand. It sent a hot surge of something up her chest. She nearly choked, recovering before the bubbly pair next to her noticed. Must be the alcohol, since it was no different than when Yoko and Divina touch her. Plus, she doesn't even care. She doesn't even like the Siren, so it had to be the jungle juice.

At the same time, Bianca looks up and scans the room. Landing her eyes in Wednesday's, who doesn't look away as fast as she normally would. Bianca swiftly pulls her hand away from Xavier and stands up, breaking the contact before Wednesday could. Normally this would probably be awkward but since everyone around her was drunk or close to it, no one seemed to care. She was thankful for that, she didn't want to deal with yet another one of Xavier's long winded speeches about how he misses her and wants them to get back together.

As she made her way over to the jungle juice, she internally questioned why she reacted that way when she locked eyes with the goth. Why she was even going to get punch, knowing she could drink as much as she wanted and wouldn't get drunk unless she wanted to - which rarely happened. She hadn't decided to be even tipsy since the Rave'N dance, just before she spoke to Wednesday in the hall. A conversation they had both replayed in their head multiple times, cringing at the vulnerability they both showed. Both making mental notes not to let that happen again any time soon.

As she approached, she refocused her mind and noticed Wednesday had disappeared with no trace, per usual.

"Hey guys." She smiled to Enid and Ajax, trying to not scan the room.

"Bianca! You look sooo hot tonight queen!" Enid exclaimed joyfully, sincerely.

"Hey B. How you feelin' tonight? She's had a few cups haha." Ajax asked, laughing at Enid while rubbing her back.

"No worries, I appreciate it Wolfy. You look cute too."

"See?! Told you the tutu was a good choice!" Enid cheers.

"Where's the demon one? Wasn't she with ya'll?" Bianca asks with half a laugh.

"Huh? Oh- Oh my god, I can't stand her!" Enid shouts as she looks behind her where her roommate just was.

"She always ditches me! I told her not to leave without saying bye!" She whines.

"I think she went to the bathroom, B." The gorgon points as he consoles the now crying Enid.

Bianca nods at him, slightly lifting her glass as she walks towards the bathroom. She hears the Wolfling whimpering in the background.

"I just don't get why she always-"

She smiles to herself, knowing the goth is still somewhere. She would've left Ajax instructions for Enid if she was planning on leaving for good. One of the more human qualities she possessed, even if she pretended she didn't.

Just as the Siren began to realize she had been smiling the whole time, she was interrupted.

"Strange, how you smile like that." The goth girl sat on the bench, braiding her hair on her right side in swift yet perfect rhythm, eyes closed. It was soothing to her after all the social energy being expelled around her.

"Creepy, how you exist like that." The Siren shot back with ease. Despite her scorning herself for being caught smiling about finding the girl. She still wasn't sure why she was even looking for her.

Wednesday opens her eyes to glare at the siren, who was now admiring herself in the mirror. For a moment, Wednesday was admiring too.

"A picture lasts longer." The siren said as she glanced back at Wednesday in the mirror before applying a thick layer of clear gloss. The sparkles in it looked iridescent in the flickering fluorescent lights of the old bathroom. They both broke the gaze in unison.

"Why are you here, Song Bird?"

"I could ask you the same thing, demon."

Wednesday smirked.

"You're too kind, Siren. Why were you looking for me? I thought we were still avoiding each other at all costs." The Addams said, feeling the heat in her chest from her third glass of punch. Could blame it on the liquor, but both of them knew that Wednesday was just like that.

"Don't flatter yourself, Addams. I had to pee." She said, avoiding the question once more, half to irritate the goth as much as possible - half because she couldn't answer it.

Wednesday gestured towards the empty stall.

"Then go."

The siren scoffed. Suddenly forgetting how she could ever smile in pursuit of the loathsome girl before her, if not on her way to inflict some sort of torture or pain.

"Would you mind?" She said, shaking her head with an insistence.

"Is the Queen Bee shy? How comical." The paler of the two smirked as she stood in one movement. Gliding across the room to the door and opening it gracefully.

"Don't drown." She said, as she exited.

The siren looked back in the mirror and adjusted herself again. She fixed the slight smear of her eye shadow from when she hugged Kent and Divina, and fluffed her full lashes. She was gorgeous. As always. But frazzled nonetheless.

She sat on the bench and placed her hand where Wednesday's had been, palm covering the coolness she left behind in her tracks. She sat for a moment, then shook her head.

Maybe she could let herself feel it, just a bit. For fun. After all, she was a hero. After all, she was just a teenager and that's all she wanted to be. She deserved one regular night to just get drunk with her friends.

The siren took a breath and let the alcohol in her system find its way around, and she relaxed.

___

Wednesday slid out the door and turned the corner. She slammed her back against the cool brick and closed her eyes trying to calm her heightened heart beat. Must be the alcohol.

Or maybe it was the way Bi-

No. It's the liquor. She was an Addams after all, specifically her father's child. She had certain... Sensitivities. Ones that produced intense feelings and experiences. While Wednesday was immune or at least able to fight off most poisons, alcohol had a stronger affect on her than most people.

It made her feel different. That must be the reason, she thought to herself in a convincing tone as she began finishing her braid.

After a few minutes of braiding and rebraiding her hair in an attempt to ground herself, she began walking back into the party. She figured she'd better return before Bianca, and she'd better get there before the wolf noticed her absence.

She turned the corner and heard an all too familiar squeaking voice call to her.

"There you are!" Enid came running, capturing her in a hug before remembering the conversation they had about boundaries.

"So-Sorry, sorry Roomie!" She hiccuped with a smile, sounding like a child but ever endearing.

Wednesday shook it off, literally, before looking at her blankly - which for her, was soft.

"Where have you been!?" Enid exclaimed once she remember the other thing she was supposed to not forget.

"I was looking all over for you! You can't just disappear like that, we talked about it! You said you would come with me and then you just dipped off without even a -"

"I did accompany you, and I didn't leave. You looked everywhere but the bathroom."

Enid pouted her lips and stopped talking, still hiccuping.

"How long did it take you to notice I was gone, anyway? I was betting on at least 15 minutes, the way you were necking with the gorgon."

"Oh hush! We weren't 'necking' Wednesday, whatever that means. We were... hanging out. Doing what full fledged couples do, isn't that right babe? Babe?" Enid asks as she turns around, looking for Ajax who was on the other side of her now, laughing.

"You're so funny when you're drunk, babe." He chuckled out.

"It took her about 2 minutes, but only because Bianca came over asking for you. I would've given her 20 if she hadn't."

This made Wednesday release a short breath, which some would consider a laugh if they were paying attention. Of course, Barclay always found her way into her business, she thought. But at least it confirmed her suspicions that the girl was indeed looking for her.

"Interesting. Thank you for keeping a look out for me, Petro."

"I mean, yeah I guess haha. Anytime." He shrugged with a smile, internally pleased that he had earned a nickname from the Raven.

"Oooh come on! Let's go play whatever they're about to start!" Enid whined excitedly as everyone went over and sat in a circle. She grabbed Ajax in one hand and Wednesday in the other and tugged with her new wolf strength. They both looked pained but complied, wanting to please the pink girl. They both cared about her, but they also both wished to avoid the ongoing drunk ramblings she had plenty of. She was a new wolf, which for some led to aggression or depression, while for some it led to mania or insatiable hunger. Enid, on the other hand, somehow only became more hyper and less interested in anything other than what seemed to be the most exciting. It was cute, and didn't seem out of line given her unique personality.

As they sat, Wednesday prodded into her peripheral to see where the Siren was sitting. She didn't see her, which led to her to internally laugh.

"I guess I'm not the only one avoiding this calamity of a social gathering." She whispered to herself.

"What'd you say, Wennie?" Enid asked as she sat down next to the girl wanting to interlock arms but fighting the urge. Even in her inebriated state, she respected her friend sincerely and didn't want to impose on her without consent.

"Don't call me that, especially not here, Sinclair." Wednesday groaned.

"How cute. Wennie, sounds almost harmless." The siren scoffed as she sat down directly across from the two opposite roommates, right in-between Yoko and Divina.

Wednesday glared at her and went to respond before Xavier interrupted.

"Alright, what do you guys want to play? I vote for truth or dare, or maybe spin the bottle." He said, words intentionally suggestive. He was tipsy but not drunk, he knew his limits and didn't want to push them tonight. He looked around and landed on Bianca first, then Wednesday, then back to the crowd of students.

A few people laughed but didn't offer any answers.

"Snooze. Let's do... how about 13 minutes in heaven." The vampire decided, giving no one a true chance to answer, although most seemed on board.

"Ugh, more like 13 minutes in hell." Bianca rolled her eyes and yawned.

"I vote for truth or dare." She said, hoping to give a good dare to Xavier or making Yoko answer a truth about her crushes. She wanted to be playful, just have fun and laugh. She felt giddy almost as the alcohol circuited through her body. She had to focus on feeling it a bit, so it wouldn't absorb too much, killing her buzz.

"Oh come on B., it's tradition. Feeling shy since last time? Who was it in there with you again?" Yoko prodded playfully. Bianca nudged her, rather hard. Payback for her rib, which still ached a bit.

She felt Xavier looking at her, cheeks reddened. She avoided looking at him at all costs. She didn't respond to Yoko.

"It's settled then. The first three people will roll the die, and whichever number it lands on is their partner for the next 13 minutes in a locked room. Everyone count out their number starting with me, going counterclockwise." Yoko explained, producing a D20 from her pocket.

"Of course you have that." Biance rolled her eyes again, knowing this was always Yoko's plan. She probably wanted some alone time with the girl from her alchemy class, or maybe the person from her self defense course.

"I always come prepared, baby." The vampire winked, intentionally looking goofy, showing her fang on one side.

Everyone counted out their numbers and Yoko rolled the die three times to decide who would roll first.

"7, 16, and... 2." Yoko laughed slightly as she said the final number.

Great, Bianca thought to herself. Of course she was chosen. With her luck, she would get Xavier and hear him drone on after minute 3 of awkward silence about how sorry he is and how he wants them to try again. At least she knew he wouldn't make a move without consent, which reminded her how low her standards had been before, with the he/hims of the outcast world. You would think they would understand more, but a man is a man is man. She was happy to be done with them. Well, at least done with Xavier. She was happy to be single, she convinced herself. She wasn't done with men all together, right?

The first two rolled, looking awkwardly for their partner for the next 13 minutes. A gorgon and a vampire, a witch with a wolf. Suddenly, it was the Siren's turn. She sighed and picked up the die.

She prayed in her head for anybody but Xavier.

"And its.... lucky number 13." Divina interjected as the die rolled over to her crossed legs. Her and Yoko laughed almost in perfect unison.

Bianca looked up not realizing right away until she heard Enid gasp and hiccup at the same time.

Wednesday stood up and walked around the circle, past a disappointed looking Xavier.

"Alright well, go find a room. You have one minute." Yoko explained, starting a timer on her phone.

Bianca groaned and shot daggers with her eyes to her two friends, as they fought to hold in their laughter. She stood up and made her way to where Wednesday was waiting, silently. Strange that she wasn't complaining, the siren thought. But the Addams was one to suffer in silence.

----

As they walked to find a room, neither said a word.

Wednesday kept her arms to her side and kept perfect stride with the taller siren, looking forward the whole time.

They passed a few rooms but didn't enter them. They saw the first pair run into a room with a bunch of tables, and they both worked quickly to erase the thoughts that ensued.

"Where do you want to go? We can't just walk like this the whole time." The siren asked, more so complaining than anything. Desperate to get this over with.

Wednesday said nothing, but walked into the room furthest from everyone else. It was a small, dark room. A janitor's closet. She walked in and sat on the ground, knees to her chest. Bianca felt a tinge of apprehension before walking in and shutting the door. There was a string above them that would suggest a light, but neither grabbed it - perhaps in hopes that the other one would, perhaps hoping that neither would. Bianca's vision adapted well to the near pitch black room around her, her siren eyes turning a brighter blue. It wasn't perfect but she could make out the figure in front of her for the most part.

Wednesday hadn't moved an inch since entering, and Bianca could sense the cold girls presence on her skin. Her scales shivering as she sat down.

Wednesday tried her best to silence her mind, and ignore the stark awkwardness she was sure to come. It didn't have to be awkward if she didn't give in to it. Mind over matter, she persuaded herself. She did however battle the internal embarrassment of being number 13, which always seemed to follow her, and having to do this in the first place. She fought even harder the thoughts she had that she might not even be upset about it.

The shorter girl felt the siren sit down and cross her legs, quiet except for her breath.

After a few seconds, they heard Yoko shout.

"And your time starts.... Now! Enjoy your precious moments in heaven - or maybe hell, for some of you." She laughed, enjoying this far too much.

The pair simultaneously plotted their revenge.

Wednesday sat still as a board, deciding to use this time to hold her breath and see if she could beat her record for 11 minutes and 11 seconds. 13 would be a much more fit number for the Raven, she thought.

The plan was going well for all of about 10 seconds until Bianca shifted her weight and her hand brushed the edge of Wednesday's.

The pale girl's head shot back, eyes rolling back leaving nothing but white. She shook, for a moment, until she didn't.

----

She opened her eyes and took in a beautifully painted image. Depictions of Goddesses and florals, mixed with hell scapes covered the ceiling above her. She recognized Lilith right away. Soon after, recognizing where she was. She had seen this mural many times before.

"Cara Mia... Are you alright?" She heard a familiar voice, and looked over to see Gomez turning to face her in bed. He moved his eye mask over and grabbed her face softly, with so much care she could feel it in her spine. Except, she was pretty sure this wasn't her spine.

She stood up quickly, looking around. She took in the room covered in beautiful gothic furnishings, black and red silks, swords all over the walls, black and red roses growing up the walls, covering the vines. And a HUGE portrait of your entire family. It clicked.

"Mi Amor... What is troubling you?" Gomez stood, shaking off his sleep and walking over to you with his hands out. Just as doting as ever. She looked down to see her pale hands, which was normal, only they had obscenely long black nails poking out from her finger tips.

"Tish'?" Gomez looked at her with questioning eyes, before pulling a knife out of his sleeve and pointing it towards you.

Wednesday reached for the knife in her sock, only to find that she had on a long black silk gown and no socks. No blade.

"Who are... Mi Tormenta?" You father watches as the woman in front of him looked for the knife he taught Wednesday to keep, his shoulders relaxing a bit.

"Papa. It would seem I am possessing mother."

"It would seem that way, sí."

He shoves his blade back into his robe and walks towards her. He places a hand on her shoulder, who evidently was also her mother's, and places a kiss on her forehead with a sweetness, but the kind that is reserved for his daughter, not his wife.

"Strange. You feel... warm - physically." Which truly was out of character for both Wednesday and Morticia.

"Must be from the switch, it's probably a lot for your bodies. What were you doing just before this happened? Hopefully not sleeping, that could suggest someone else has meddled here." He says, looking around you and sensing the absence of his wife's energy but feeling your chilling energy emanate towards him. He did miss you.

"I was at a social gathering, which I was forced to attend by the wolf girl."

"Did anything happen? Anything worth noting?"

"No. Although, just prior to this, I was locked in a janitors closet with the Siren girl. She grazed my hand."

"The siren girl? Miss Barclay?"

"Yes, Bia-" Wednesday was cut off by her eyes once again rolling back into her head. She saw the siren sitting near the lake they had competed in. She was crying, silently but intensely. She fiddled with the jewelry around her neck, trying to self sooth it seemed. She dipped her foot into the water and her eyes surged over with the most beautiful metallic colors the Raven had ever seen.

Bianca finally stopped crying, but to Wednesday's surprise, she began to smile to herself. A knowing smile. Eventually, she heard foot steps behind her. She turned around, only to see herself in her own body walking towards the siren.

Wednesday walked by, turning for a moment as if to look in her own eyes as she passed. She walked to the edge of the lake where Bianca was. She sat, comfortably with her hands spread out behind her. She turned towards the siren and they moved closer, laying one hand over the others. It seemed almost like they were about to... do something else, when Wednesday shot back into her mother's body.

"Wednesday?" Gomez asked, softly. Morticia's body was draped dramatically on their red velvet couch. Wednesday internally shivered at the position she was in. Even when her mother wasn't in her own body, Gods, she was dramatic.

The raven girl sat up and wiped her forehead, missing the scar Bianca had left from their fencing duel. She suddenly felt herself wishing they had dueled more.

"Papa, how do I get back to my own body? Mother's is making me irrational." Wednesday asked eagerly, questioning why her vision wasn't... bad.

"I'm not sure, querida. This hasn't happened in many years. Last time it happened it was between your mother and your aunt. They had been dealing with a small disagreement. They hadn't spoken in about a decade. Suddenly, your aunt was shouting at me while your mother was in the bath. Quite a scene, being that I was in the bath with her... Heh. I should run one for her when she returns." Her father's eyes glazed over with that look he gets when he's pining for Morticia.

"Father, could you spare me the disgusting details? How did they get back to their own bodies? Did mother have a vision during the possession?" Wednesday asked.

Gomez chuckled a bit, a bit too calm for Wednesday's liking but she bit her tongue as to not hurt her father's feelings.

"I'm not sure how they ended up back in their respective skins but it didn't take too long. Almost a day, I believe?"

"That's not going to work for me, father." Wednesday stood up, feeling odd being so tall.

"Well, it might've been because they were both so frustrated with each other. They had been arguing back and forth in the crystal ball for some time before coming to an agreement. But I do remember your Aunt having a vision in your mother's body, which happened just a bit before she returned. I'm not sure of what though, they wouldn't tell me. They had sworn each other to secrecy about it, even to this day... hmm.." Gomez trailed off again. Wednesday let him this time, thinking to herself.

She wondered about using the crystal ball to call her mother, but remember that her body was still at the party. She looked at the clock on Gomez's night stand. It had only been 4 minutes since the change happened. She would likely still be in the closet with Bianca.

FUCK, Wednesday thought. She was definitely still in the closet with Bianca. Which meant she could be saying nearly anything to the girl, making a fool of Wednesday as she tended to do. This caused Wednesday to pace around feverishly, something she didn't tend to do. Again, this body must be making her irrational.

"What is troubling you, pequeño murciélago? Perhaps if you figured that out, it would switch you back?" Her father asked lovingly, seeing the concern on his child's face.

"Mother is... Mother must be with the siren. Who know's what she could be saying? Likely something to smear my bad name. Trying to brighten my character and social standing." Wednesday complained genuinely. She looked again, 5 minutes.

"Why does it bother you so? Plus, I thought you two were getting along well now, no? After the situation with Goody and the pilgrim.." Gomez's eyes started to water, despite his best efforts. He was a sensitive man, a trait both of his children held, one just more secretly than the other. He wiped the wisps from his eyes and sniffled lightly, just thinking of his child and her comrades being in such danger.

"Papa, please control yourself. I'm fine. We are all fine." Wednesday comforted him, which he received despite her attitude.

"We are... well, I.. - We haven't actually spoken since the event. Until today, that is. Then the vision.." Wednesday continued, still pacing but slower and more pensive.

Gomez's eyes lit up. If anybody knew what a good old case of teenage angst looked like, it was him. He might as well have created it. He walked over to the teen.

"I know you won't tell me what you saw so I won't ask. Your mother is the same way. However, I will say, I can sense things, too. Lovely, loving things." He said, swaying to the rhythm of a song that wasn't playing. He plucked a deep red rose from his wife's bundle and handed it to Wednesday.

"Go talk to her."

"What are you getting at, papa?" The teen looking nearly appalled and quite impatient.

"You know what I'm talking about. It's the Addams in you. I guarantee if you talk, things will be resolved... fruitfully." He cooed. Before Wednesday could respond, he laid a kiss on her forehead, that sent her body back into shock. Eyes rolling back, she couldn't catch her breath, she felt herself moving but didn't at the same time. Suddenly, she heard her mother's voice, but felt her own mouth moving.

"We're so proud of what you did, belle sirène. Take good care."

Before the Raven could stop it, she was back in her own body, a rose in one hand, Bianca Barclay's hand in the other.

----

Bianca followed Wednesday into the small room, closing the door behind her. She wasn't sure about this, why would the girl pick such a tight space? The siren felt anxious sweat on her hands, quickly absorbing back into her skin. She was very thankful for being an outcast, in that moment.

She let her eyes adjust, feeling some of the liquor in her chest. She sat down next to the girl. They both were silent, aside from the breath between them. Although, Bianca was sure she couldn't hear Wednesday breathing.

She wondered what the other girl was thinking. She quickly tore her focus away and focused on how she was going to get back at Yoko for this absolute catastrophe. Deep in her thoughts, she looked over at the girl next to her and studied her side profile unconsciously. She noticed how her strong nose connected to her deep set eyes. Her eyes rolled down to her lips, wishing to see what color they were. She chastised herself for thinking these things, blaming it on the alcohol too. Something the two of them had in common, unknowingly. She let some more of it slip through her, feeling a rush of warmth. Her eyes moved down to the raven's chin, seeing how it connected to her neck. She felt her tongue roll across her bottom teeth, fighting her mind. She cursed these thoughts, reminding herself how much she loathed the figure next to her. The annoying, self centered, rude girl. The girl who did nothing but run amok of everything that was normal to the siren. Everything she fought to keep sacred.

She went to adjust herself, pulling her knees to her chest and feeling her hands around to find a comfortable position to hold herself up. She wanted to find the wall, something to support her back. As she scooted herself up, her hand grazed over the Raven's. She felt the girl's chill roll up her arm and into her spine. She shivered, breathing out loud.

She turned to see the girl shaking, her eyes rolling back. Bianca knew this meant she was having a vision but she wasn't sure what could happen if the shaking continued. She 'turned off' the alcohol in her body and grabbed the girls neck, leading her down to the ground. She had only taken one seizure training her freshman year, but she remembered at least to put the person on their side and support their head and neck. She pulled out her phone to try to time the shaking, just in case.

"Addams..?" She asked lightly as the girl stopped shaking as fast, slowly stopping altogether. She held her breath, hoping to see the girl come out of it soon. Nothing happened but a few twitches in her arms and legs.

"Wednesday..?" She whispered, moving the girl's dark bands from her eyes. She looked at her face, feeling the thoughts from earlier push against the mental barrier she kept reinforced. Now wasn't the time anyway. Who knew what was about to happen?

Suddenly, Wednesday shot straight up, like a mummy from old horror movies. Bianca let out a small shout as the girl turned her head to her in an eerie way.

"Miss Barclay?" Wednesday asked, but she didn't really sound like herself.

"What's with the formalities, Addams?" Bianca asked, a bit harshly before recoiling.

"Are you alright?" She asked softer this time.

"I'm quite alright dear, this body feels fine to me. However, I seem to be inhabiting the wrong one, Miss Barclay." Wednesday said as she looked down at her hands, small with perfectly painted Black nails.

"How does she keep them this short?" Wednesday asked herself, then looking up at Bianca who had yet to say anything.

"Uh..what's going on, Addams?"

"Well, I would assume me and my daughter did a body swap. I presume she is currently in possession of my vessel, thus I am in hers." Bianca's face looked even more confused now. She halfway wishes she had stayed drunk. She would need at least four cups now.

"Miss... Addams?"

"Morticia is fine, mon amie." The woman answered nonchalantly, quickly moving on. She wondered if her daughter had caught on so quickly, although it was likely. Waking up next to her father, of course.

Before Bianca could even get a word in to ask the obvious questions in the air, Morticia interrupted.

"Please, sweet siren. We likely only have moments left together before something strange happens, save the questions for Wednesday. I'm not sure why, but I do know how." Bianca swallows the woman's words and adjusts herself. She always did like Wednesday's family more than the girl herself. They had met a few times during the semester, and had met briefly after the pilgrim thing. They had thanked her profusely, and complimented her almost too much.

"Okay.. then. So, how are you.. here, then, Miss Morticia?"

"Just Morticia, my love. I'm not sure why this happened, or why tonight specifically but I have felt something big coming for quite some time. Interesting that we find ourselves in a.. Janitors closet?" Morticia asks, eyeing the brooms in the corner.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been sensing something... magnifique on it's way to Wednesday. But things like this only happen when something is standing in the way. Me and my sister went through this before, we were in the midst of one of our more petty arguments for a while, until suddenly one night I'm in the bath with my husband and poof, suddenly I'm in my sisters home in a different country. We worked it out over the ball that night, and soon after, Wednesday was conceived." Morticia smiled, a strange sight to see for the siren. She wondered if it was hard to make Wednesday's body smile.

"Quite soon after, indeed.." Morticia gleamed, thinking of her husband.

"Anyway, is it true that you two haven't spoken since the night you saved the school, and each other?"

"Uh, well yes it is true. I'm not really sure why, though, to be honest." Bianca revealed despite herself. She wasn't sure if she would regret that later, but who really knew what was bound to happen next at this point she figured.

"Hmm. Perhaps you two just need to tal-" she began to say until her eyes rolled back again, only this time there was no shaking. This lasted only a few moments this time, long enough to leave Bianca wondering if she should cut this short and go get help from the others. She also remembered that everyone but her and maybe the girl or woman in front of her was drunk. Her thought was brought short by Morticia coming to again.

"Huh. It's quite different to have a vision this way. I wonder how she handles all that, all the time. Amusing how I'm allegedly the dramatic one of the two of us." Morticia noted, rolling her neck around.

"Are you alright, Mi- uh, Morticia? Did you have a vision?"

"I'm quite alright, no need to worry anymore, Miss Barclay." Morticia laughed as she picked up the siren's hand. Bianca took the woman's hand back, lightly, unsure of what else she should do. Morticia Addams had quite the effect on everyone, but Bianca felt safe with her, which certainly confused her.

Before Bianca could ask what she meant by that, the woman continued.

"Where was I? Ah.. yes. You two need to talk. I was already sure, but I've just had a Raven's vision, like Wednesday has. Now I am for certain, ma chérie." The woman said the last part with a beautiful tone, Bianca was struck by it momentarily. She could feel the love in the mother's voice, certainly for her daughter but maybe for the siren, too?

"What was the vision? Is something bad going to happen if we don't.. talk?" The siren shivered at the thought of anything else bad happening. She had had enough in the past few months, let alone the previous few days. She also shuddered at the thought that that would mean she needed to actually speak with the goth girl for longer than a few moments in passing to swap insults.

"Aht aht, I never tell unless I know I'm supposed to. You won't need to know unless you don't talk, which I don't recommend. You simply need to hear each other, and definitely need to let yourselves speak only the truth. That is the only way to avoid such an... annoying, outcome." The woman sighed, rubbing a finger over the sirens skin.

Bianca wasn't sure what to make of this. She looked down at her phone that had lit up from a random notification, and stopped the timer she had set. She saw that it had only been just about 4 and half minutes since she even came into this closet with the girl and already she had experienced so much. Typical, dealing with an Addams, she thought.

"Well, what am I supposed to say then?" The girl asked, unsure of where to even begin.

"Say what you actually feel and mean what you actually mean, my sweet. You are not as bitter as you'd like to make yourself believe, I think. Neither is my dear Woe. She isn't really so hard, I mean, she is her father's child after all. She just gets the visions from me." Morticia winks at the girl in front of her, seeing her face through the slim light her phone screen emitted into the space. She could see why her Wednesday was in such knots, she thought to herself and laughed for a moment.

"I think she gets a bit more than that, Ma'am."

"Well, I'd hope so. We're so proud of her, always. We're so thankful for the school, and for what you all did that day. I think she is growing in ways she doesn't even see yet."

Bianca half smiled for a moment, looking back into the woman's eyes that somehow looked the same and yet different than Wednesday usually looked. Before she could respond, once again the woman interrupted. Bianca didn't mind, she wasn't sure what to say anyway.

"You know, I see a lot of things in you too, Bianca. You have come such a long way, haven't you?" The girl froze.

"Well, I think I'll soon be on my way. Me and Gomez will talk to you soon."

"Wait, you will?" Bianca questioned quickly, feeling the woman somehow slipping away from her.

Wednesday's body smiled.

"We're so proud of what you did, belle sirène. Take good care."

Before she could even process what had happened, she felt the hand holding hers get cold, and the other one fill with something.

She looked down to see a rose in Wednesday's hand.

----

"Addams?" Bianca questioned softly.

"Indeed." Wednesday answered, and at the same time they both moved their hands away.

"What the fuck was all that?"

"I'm sure my mother filled you in more than enough." Wednesday groaned, knowing her mother had done entirely too much.

"I mean, yeah she said some shit for sure." Bianca leaned back.

"She's quite nice, you know. So is your father. I wonder how it skipped a generation." She said, relaxing back into what was at least more normal than what just took place. Wednesday said nothing, just turning to face the opposite wall, struggling to continue facing the girl next to her. In the absence of a response, Bianca continued.

"Wednesday?" She asked, shyly. She wasn't sure what she was about to say, but she felt she should heed the woman's words.

"Yes?" Wednesday answered, coldly but with no bite. She had the same things on her mind, once again unknown to the siren.

"Well.. Morti- Your mom, she said we need to.. talk?"

"Ah. My father said the same." 6 minutes, Wednesday counted in her head.

"Do you know why, or what about? I'm kind of.. literally in the dark over here." Bianca awkwardly laughed, trying to lighten a very clearly weird situation. She always felt like she had to do that, but not usually with the Addams. One of the things she enjoyed most about their banter is that she never had to compromise or hold back, she could say whatever came to her mind or say nothing at all. Both worked, even if it led to insults being clashed around like a fencing duel. She used to look forward to it earlier in the semester.

Again, Wednesday did not answer. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers over the thorns on the rose. It nicked her finger, leaving a small cut that started to bleed. Bianca could smell it, she grabbed Wednesday's hand instinctively and licked her own finger, rubbing her saliva over the girls cut. It began to heal almost immediately.

Wednesday's eyes were wide, as she looked down at her hand. She turned back to the girl, unsure of how to proceed. She tried to say something.

"I-.. Thank you." She said distinctly.

Bianca nodded, feeling a flush of embarrassment climb through her.

"Your mom said we need to talk or something bad is going to happen. She had a vision. She said you did too, most likely. Did you?" She rushed out.

"I.. did. I did. My father said something similar, although he doesn't have visions, he's just an Addams. I usually trust his word but I fear he may have not seen things as clearly as if-"

"What did you see, Wednesday?"

"Nothing worth discussing."

"Why do you get to decide that? I'm the one who sat here and tried to keep you from dying just to end up talking to your mother for 5 minutes, who told me that if we don't talk truthfully then something bad is going to happen to the both of us. I think I should have some say in determining what is worth discussing."

Wednesday knew she was right but did not want to divulge what she had seen, or more importantly what she had felt during her vision. She didn't respond.

"Well? Nothing? God, you're so.. ugh!" Bianca was frustrated, she felt like she could scream or cry or punch something. She wanted to slap the girl in front of her, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but it was different this time. She didn't want to deal with her fates being out of whack again, and she didn't want anything to happen to either of them again.

"So what, siren? Say it. If you think we need to speak openly, then speak openly." Wednesday stated with more attitude than she was used to. She rarely spoke with so much of any emotion to people other than her family members, she caught herself off guard. Bianca looked at her, clearly taken aback too. Until she wasn't.

"So fucking self centered, egotistical and childish. You run around like other people's lives are pawns in some morbid game you're playing. Well, I think it's sick how you do that. How I'm sitting here at all, and on top of it now I have some new problem I have to fix with the worlds most unwilling participant. You think you don't leave any consequences behind? I've been cleaning them up all semester. You just can't see past those fucking bangs. Which need a trim, by the way." Bianca huffed, waiting to hear whatever the goth girl had to say in return, waiting to be called a bitch or whatever else people said about her. She didn't even care, she knew she was right. She knew she was talking to a brick wall, as always. She knew enough, she thought. Wednesday didn't say anything, she just smiled. Still weird to see coming from her.

"You're right." She said, simply. She turned to face Bianca, who was now the one with nothing to say. She was shocked. Never, anywhere in her mind, did she ever expect to hear that from Wednesday fucking Addams.

"You're right. I am those things, I've done those things, and I have burdened you. I'm sorry." Wednesday ended. Leaving both of them unmoving, confused and disbelieving of what they were hearing come out of the girls mouth. Wednesday scanned her body for any trace left of her mother, that must be what was making her so irrational still. She didn't feel anything out of the ordinary, except for the feeling of being drunk sinking back into her consciousness. She looked down at her finger where the thorn had made her bleed and blew out a sigh insinuating that once again, something had clicked.

"That bastard man."

"What?"

"He laced the rose with truth serum. The thorn, when it made me bleed, it got into my system. Here, take this. It's for you anyways." Wednesday handed the girl the red rose. She took it, careful not to get cut.

"Impressive how you didn't even need the potion. You're just like that, naturally."

"Like what, exactly, Addams?" Bianca asked, her patience thinning.

"Expressive. Honest. Beaut-" the Addams shut her mouth quickly. Internally cursing her father. He would pay for this.

Bianca laughed out loud, shocked at what she was hearing, frustrated with the Addams for being this way in this moment.

"Are you drunk or something?" She asked.

"Yes, actually I am. But that is not the important factor here, currently. My parents grow their roses in different serums, poisons and potions and keep them all over their bedroom, just incase a situation arises. I should've anticipated this. Although, I am rather under the influence. Alcohol is one of the only poisons that I am not immune to, in fact I have a heightened response to it. I had 3 cups, I believe." The Addams explained bluntly before cutting herself off again. Her agitation with this situation grew further. 8 minutes.

"O..kay, Addams. Maybe we should just cut this short, then." Bianca said, not meaning it. She was desperate, actually, to find out the truth about the vision and to try and ensure that nothing bad would ensue after they left this closet. She struggled to imagine leaving. But she kept her composure, as always, as best as she could. She counted how many minutes they had been there again. 9.

"No, we can't. We... shouldn't, I mean." Wednesday answered quickly.

"Then you have to give me something to work with. I feel crazy right now, Wednesday. I don't understand really and I'm tired and it's hot in here and you won't tell me anything about what I actually need to know so I-"

"The vision. It was about you. I saw you. And then me, well.. us. I saw us. You were crying by the lake, but not crying in a painful way." Wednesday chose her words wisely, truthfully. There wasn't a bad way to cry, but it could be painful. She thought that the siren probably cried painfully many times. She didn't want that to be true. Bianca sat there, listening.

"You cried, and then you stopped. You touched the water and your eyes... Your eyes were so.. well they did something new, something I haven't seen before." Wednesday fought to stay on track.

"Then what?" Bianca asked. Wednesday took a deep breath.

"Then... I walked over to you. We sat for a moment, and then we..."

"Then we what?" The Addams didn't answer.

"Then we what, Addams? Answer me." She looked into the girls eyes, neither broke contact until Wednesday decided to finish, succumbing to the power of the truth serum. 10 minutes.

"Then we touched, we held hands."

They both sat in silence for a moment.

"So, we held hands? That's it?"

"Yes, well kind of."

"Kind of?" Bianca asked, pressing further, worried the truth serum would wear off soon. She needed to know.

"There may have been more, we were getting... closer. Very close. Very, dramatically, sickeningly close." Wednesday explained, her voice different, trailing off. Bianca listened to her voice, wishing she could bottle it up. She grew flustered at the thought, shaking it off.

"Okay.. so, what are we supposed to do? We've both now been honest, right? Are we supposed to hold hands and sing kumbaya?" She asked, defensively, trying to rebuild the wall around her that was crumbling like a god damn sandcastle.

"I.. I don't know." Wednesday answered, honestly. She didn't know what to do. She knew she was telling the truth, against her own will. She believed Bianca had told the truth, detailing the ways Wednesday irritated her. She started to wonder if that's all she did to the girl, bother her. She felt a pang of grief swell in her. She was... upset? Couldn't be. She couldn't be upset that the girl found her to be a nuisance. That's what they were, little problems to each other. Like flies, swirling around each other with the sole purpose to annoy and antagonize each other. That was their dynamic, their relationship..

"Relationship..." Wednesday said out loud by accident as the word stuck in her head.

"What?" Bianca asked, freeing herself from her own mind.

"Nothing, nothing just.. thinking." Wednesday half answered.

"Why are you thinking about relationships?" Bianca asked, hesitant to know the answer. Maybe the girl was thinking about Xavier or Tyler. Maybe Enid. Maybe her parents. Maybe anybody but who Bianca wanted her to be thinking about.

Wednesday wanted to lie and say she was thinking about her parents annoying relationship, but the serum wouldn't allow. She was starting to see what was missing in the situation, why things didn't feel so resolved. 11 minutes.

"I was thinking about our relationship. What we do to each other, what we say to each other, what we mean to each other. That sort of thing." Bianca looked at her again, this time Wednesday not meeting her gaze.

"Why?" She questioned, softer.

"Why not? Seems appropriate given the circumstance, no?" Wednesday dodged, thankful that that was true.

"I suppose... What do you mean what we do to each other?"

"I mean, how we talk to each other, how we look at each other.. figuratively." Wednesday coughed.

"How we play this game every day, but then avoid each other for indefinite amounts of time."

Bianca paused, before she answered.

"I wasn't trying to avoid you. It just happened." She said, softer than she was intending.

"I was avoiding you." Wednesday answered bluntly, also more than she intended. Bianca's eyes widened before she looked away again.

"Okay, then." She grabbed her phone, thinking about just standing up and walking out. She could avoid Wednesday on purpose too, then. She could never speak to her or of her again, if she wanted to. She should want to. Why did that hurt her feelings so much? It's not like they're even friends. They're just two people who killed someone together.

"I-I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Barclay." Bianca scoffed, even though the girl was right - her feelings were hurt.

"Don't worry about it, Addams. We can go back to ignoring each other. We don't really have a relationship to ponder, do we? Maybe that's the truth." 12 minutes. Bianca should leave, she thought.

Wednesday's heart started pounding out of her chest. They both could hear it.

"Wait. Please." Wednesday reached out to grab the girl, gripping her forearm, against her better judgement and pretty much her entire personality.

"What, Wednesday? What?" Bianca snapped back, but not pulling her arm away.

"I don't want you to avoid me. It does something.. to me. It makes me feel.. things."

Bianca said nothing. Wednesday was now the one fighting to fill the space, not wanting to feel rejected.

"You make me feel things." Wednesday looked into the girls eyes, embarrassed but steadfast. Bianca looked back. Feeling heat rise in her chest, it wasn't alcohol this time. She moved closer despite her own embarrassment and anxiety.

"What do you feel, Wednesday?" She asked, boldly, unsure of where it came from. They looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Finally, the raven answered.

"That's what I want to figure out." She breathed, they both grew close enough to feel each other's breath.

"Do you feel.. things, too?"

"Y-yes. I feel something different." Bianca whispered, close enough to see the raven's eyes, realizing they weren't actually Black. They had never been this close. They both felt like they were in a trance.

They leaned in, allowing their instincts to carry them to where they needed to be. Both feeling the pressure of uncertainty, but sharing also something intrinsic, something tangible between them.

They both looked at the other's lips, parting them slightly to release the breath they had both been holding for too many seconds. Just before they could make contact, they heard a familiar voice cut through the air.

13 minutes.

----

"Aaaaalllllrighttt! Come out come out wherever you are!" Yoko shouted as she cut off her alarm. Everyone was laughing again, waiting to see if anybody came out looking disheveled.

As the wolf and witch made their way out, they were followed by the gorgon and vampire. Everyone greeted them with jokes, asking far too many invasive questions for the four of them - who clearly just did some serious necking.

Soon to follow, Wednesday and Bianca emerged from a dark hallway, walking at two separate paces. Wednesday walked fast and steady, hands by her sides, directly to where she was sitting before the game and sat down.

Bianca walked at her regular pace, a swish in her hips, confidently and frustrated back to her seat between her alleged friends. No one asked the pair any questions, still focused on making fun of the hickies the other pairs had.

Yoko and Divina looked at each other and started laughing. Yoko went to ask a question, a familiar glint in her eye that suggested bullshit and general fuckery was to follow. Before she could, Bianca unlocked her phone and addressed them both.

"Not now, Yoko. I will deal with both of you later." She started scrolling.

They both laughed again and returned their attention to the rest of the group.

Wednesday sat down with a huff, as opposed to her regular silence. Enid and Ajax sat up from where they were laying down and looked at the girl.

"Didn't go well, huh?" The gorgon asked, innocently. Enid jabbed him with her elbow, unaware that her drunk werewolf strength was still fully intact. He winced but laughed.

"It went. It's over. Do not ask me any more questions." Enid raised her finger, as if to ask a clarifying question, which she always insisted wasn't the same as asking about the actual thing.

"That includes you, Sinclair." Wednesday stated, as she pulled out her own cellar and began looking up sheet music. Enid and Ajax laughed, joining the rest of the group.

The night carried on well, and eventually everyone began to leave. Wednesday made her escape early, one of the first to leave. She made an excuse to Enid that she needed a bath from sweating, so Enid said she would stop by Ajax room first before coming back to their dorm. Wednesday nodded, pressing send on a text she had already crafted to Ajax with instructions for how to care for the wolf when she inevitably fell asleep in his room, and how to sneak her out in the morning. She included a clause that stated he wasn't to reply to these instructions unless absolutely dire.

Bianca stayed around until most folks had left, helping to clean up. She talked with some folks a bit but found a section by herself and tossed things into a trash bag while listening to music. She sensed someone coming near her so she popped one of her AirPods out.

"Hello, Xavier." She said, knowing.

"H-hey, B. Did you like the party?" He asked, trying to make small talk. They both knew they hated small talk.

"What do you want, Xav'?" She turned to him, half smiling as to not hurt his feelings.

"I-I just wanted to... apologize. I know I'm annoying when I'm drunk and I also know I don't have a great track record sober, either. Especially lately. I'm sorry for dumping on you. I know now.. that we aren't going to be getting back together. I accept it. I accept you, B." He said all of this sincerely, to the siren's surprise. She sat down her trash bag.

"Well... Thank you, I guess? I do accept your apology, but where is all of this coming from?" She asked him, confused but also relieved in the back of her mind. She loved him, just not the way he wanted or really needed to be loved. She hoped they could move forward at some point.

"It's just... coming. Look, I'm gonna head out but just know that I really am happy for you. Happy for both of you. I'm proud of you, Bianca. I love you. Get to your dorm safe." He said, looking at her as if he was relieved to. The kind of relief you get when you have no choice but to accept something, like the decision was already made for you so you can't really stress about it. This left Bianca even more confused.

"Happy for who? Proud of what? Xav', you're confusing me man." She awkwardly laughed, pressing him a bit. He laughed too, knowingly.

"You'll figure it out." He said, walking away to go find a friend to walk back to the dorms with. Bianca sat down on the chair behind her, questioning her whole night. Then she remembered that Xavier was a seer, just in a different way than Wednesday was. This made her nervous. What was everyone seeing that she couldn't?

----

Yoko, Divina and Bianca walked back to the dorms together, Bianca in the back for a change. She followed her friends as they talked, slurring some words and laughing. The vampire turned back to interrogate her friend, but stopped when she saw her face deep in thought.

"Hey, earth to Barclay." She said, waving a hand in front of her face. Bianca refocused her eyes on the girls in front of her.

"What's on your mind, B.?" Divina asked, in that all too sincere voice she gets when she decides to be drunk.

"Was it really that bad in there with Addams? Or is it Xavier that's got you down?" Yoko half laughed, but genuinely asking.

"I'm not down, goofball. I'm probably just.. I don't know, drunk or something." Bianca shrugged, trying to change the subject. Both of her friends knew her well enough to know she was trying to change the subject, and knew enough about siren anatomy to know she wasn't drunk unless she was choosing to be. They let it go.

"Right. Well, anyways... I'm bummed I didn't get a chance with either of my potential bite victims tonight. Sucksh." Yoko said, a slight lisps from the mix of alcohol and fully flexed fangs. The two other girls laughed.

"You know, you could just ask them out, instead of - oh, I don't know, orchestrating a whole entire game to get a chance to talk to them? It was a bit obvious too, just so you know babe. Are you losing your touch?" Bianca teased, Divina agreeing with a fit of laughter.

"I'm not losing my touch, song bird. I just get a lil' nervous around them. They both smell good and they both know a lot of cool shit. I dunno, I just like them both more than I expected." Yoko admitted, surprising both of her friends.

"You must be the drunk one, Yo'." Divina said, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her a bit.

"Looks like someones got it baaaaaadddddd again." Everyone laughed.

"What do you expect from me?" Yoko laughed, agreeing with her friends.

They all walked back into the dorms, Yoko and Divina heading off.

"I'm probably gonna crash in her room tonight, B. Text me if you need anything, okay?"

"Oh okay, well be safe getting there." Bianca replied, sure that her friends were doing this to 'give her some space' to deal with her emotions. They always made fun of her for being a water sign and having so many emotions, even though they were the ones who were going to stay up all night crying to some cheesy Netflix movie. Besides, she was a Scorpio. It's not like she wore her feelings on her sleeve like a Pisces or some shit. Plus, who was Yoko to talk anyways. She was a fucking Libra. That's why she could never make any decisions, she thought, laughing to herself as she made her way up the grand stairs to her dorm.

She was grateful to have the room to herself, she needed a shower badly. She needed to THINK, uninterrupted. Try to recount all of tonight in her head. Or maybe just leave it all alone and finally get some rest. She wasn't sure how it would go but she was glad to be alone, regardless.

She made her way into her room and shut the door, immediately putting her phone on the charger and slipping everything off. She grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. She stole one of Yoko's makeup wipes and wiped off her coppery green eye shadow and some mascara, and turned the water on to get warm.

She checked her phone, seeing no new notifications. Before she headed into the bathroom, she heard a beautiful melody.

A cello.

A god damn cello.

She opened her window and got in the bath, choosing against the sounds the shower would make.

----

Wednesday made it into her room and immediately slammed the door and locked it. She looked around for Thing, but thankfully he was asleep on Enid's bed.

She flung her shoes off and emptied her pockets of all her items. She reached down to her sock to find her dagger still in place, leaving it there. She set her phone down and walked into the bathroom to wash her face. She looked at her reflection, eyes bearing into herself. When her eyes refocused, she noticed a slight smudge of copper near her forehead. She wiped it off and spit in the sink, ridding her of her intrusive thoughts. She needed to check if the serum was still in her system, but she wasn't sure how to tell. She said things out loud, trying to test if she could lie.

"I thoroughly enjoy Enid's company." She cringed at not knowing if it was a lie or not.

"I do not mind some of the songs on the radio, but I will never tell anyone that. Pop music is a curse to society."

"I am not hungry right now."

"I had three cups of punch tonight."

"I think Bianca Barclay is beautiful."

Her frustration grew. She slammed water over her face and left without drying it.

She walked onto the balcony and picked up her cello. She had memorized a new song on the way home, and began playing it feverishly. She needed to expel all the energy built up inside of her. So much tension, she felt it in her head, eyes, her chest. She felt her fingers cramp but played through it. She made a note to hydrate before going to sleep. She counted in her head how many notes she was playing all together, in whatever order they repeated or cycled.

13, she thought. Of course.

She played for 20, long minutes before putting her cello down. She breathed in and felt the air fill her lungs, focusing on it. She went back into her room and paced for a moment, trying to recount all the things she had experienced in one night. It was odd for her to not feel morbid, she just felt different. She just, felt.

She tore her clothes off and put on one of her fathers oversized teeshirts and a pair of boxers. She had not forgot to enact her revenge on him tomorrow, but she felt comforted in his scent at the moment. A fact she would never let him know.

She placed a blanket over her crystal ball, essentially putting it on "do not disturb" and got in bed. She fumbled around for the book she had left in her covers earlier, making her bed around it. She tried to read but the words weren't registering.

She grabbed her phone, unlocking it and scrolling through her notifications, not that there were many. She limited access to most people, only allowing a sacred few to even know she had a phone. It was all very new to her.

She opened the text she had from Enid saying goodnight. She typed out a response.

I will see you tomorrow.

She pressed send. Enid almost immediately heart reacted it, and three bubbles popped up. They disappeared a few seconds later. Wednesday assumed Enid was either busy doing things of a physical nature with Ajax, or had fallen asleep with her phone open again. Enid did that often, awake one moment and asleep the next.

Wednesday scrolled again, nothing interesting her. She set her alarm and locked her phone, starring up at the ceiling above her. She wasn't sure what to make of the night, and she couldn't tell if the serum was still in her system.

Almost against her will - almost - she opened her messages and typed in Bianca's contact. It was programmed into her phone when Xavier gave it to her, along with most of the other people in Wednesday's general orbit.

She typed, and back spaced and typed again before pressing send. She slammed her phone down next to her face first. She sat there, still as a board for what felt like yet another eternity before her phone buzzed. She was apprehensive to look but eventually did.

----

Bianca slid under the water, not holding her breath when she heard the cello stop. She had felt like she was in a trance, but the water felt good on her skin and in her lungs. She wished she could go the lake and swim without getting caught at that time of night.

The lake, she thought. She remembered what the Addam's said about her vision, about them being at the lake together. Bianca crying but not painfully. She tried to remember the last time she cried for any other reason but pain or frustration. She couldn't.

She thought about what it felt like when Wednesday grabbed her arm, why she didn't pull away. She worked her way around the thought and finally forced herself to stand up and get out when she couldn't help but cringe.

She pushed the drain stop down and walked out without a towel. She was dry by the time she hit her wardrobe. She pulled out a white shirt and blue shorts, putting them on quickly. She was cold, but she kind of liked it. She closed her window and got in bed, scrolling through her socials aimlessly. Nothing of interest, per usual. She didn't really know that many people outside of the school anyway, and she didn't really care for many celebrities or what they had going on. She opened up her texts and clicked the groupchat she was in. Everyone was sending emojis or texts to let everyone know they had gotten in safely. She sent a blue heart and closed the chat, swiping to silence the notifications.

She felt conflicted, so she decided to just try to go to sleep. She locked her phone and set it next to her pillow, face up so she could turn off her morning alarm when she got up. She stared blankly through her room, eyes not focusing on anything. She wanted to unwind her thoughts so badly, but was afraid of what she would find. She replayed what Miss Morticia had said to her in her mind.

"We're so proud of what you did, belle sirène. Take good care."

She held the thought tight like a child holds a stuffed animal, letting it wash over her. She hadn't heard anything like that in so long. She wondered if she had been taking good care of herself at all, if she ever had been taken care of. She thought about how it felt to use her song that day, how she didn't want to but she knew it was the right thing to do. How Xavier used to argue with her about it, calling her a manipulator even though she hadn't used it before at the school. She did forgive him now, remembering his apology. Why was he saying those things to her, so abruptly too? What could've changed in one night?

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the circle she was running mental laps in. She felt stuck, until she felt her phone buzz.

She grabbed it, assuming it would be Yoko or Divina, or maybe even one of Xavier or Enid's drunk texts again. She was surprised to see an unsaved number. She opened it up and read it.

Thank you for saving my life. - W

She closed her eyes and locked her phone. She had to catch her breath even though she wasn't moving. She didn't believe it was actually the Addams texting her, but who else's life had she had any part in lately? Aside from the entire student body that she siren songed to evacuate, of course. But she had almost everyone in the school's number saved from her various extra curriculars and generally just being the most popular person on campus. She cringed at that thought too.

She sat her phone down on her chest, feeling her heart beating out of rhythm again. Why did this weird, self centered lunatic have any effect on her at all, let alone this effect? What even was this? She shook her head again. She picked her phone back up, and typed and deleted at least five times. She thought about asking who it was, even though she knew. But she felt corny for that. She thought about just liking it and turning her phone off, but she also wasn't that pussy. Finally, after at least three more attempts at a response, she replied.

I'd do it again.

She sent it and immediately turned over and buried her face in her covers. Why would she say that? Why didn't she just ignore it? That's what they had been doing for most of the semester anyway, especially lately. Why not just go back to pretending the other person doesn't exist?

Her phone buzzed again. She grabbed it quicker than she expected.

Talk soon?

She typed a response and hit send, throwing her phone across the room. She knew it would be annoying in the morning having to get up and shut it off but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything else, actually.

----

Wednesday's phone buzzed, a response quicker than she expected. She turned off her ringer instinctively, to avoid any further sensory stimulation. She wasn't ready to read what the siren had said, not sure she was prepared for potential rejection. She thought about her father, how she really was his child. Her sensitivities felt blazingly loud, every sound or slight breeze feeling glaring. The light from her phone shone again, reminding her that she had a new notification she was ignoring. Stupid iPhones, certainly they do not know how to 'read a room', she thought.

She picked up her phone and opened the notification with her eyes closed. Finally, peaking with one eye, she read what the siren had said.

Tell me where and when, I'm there.

Wednesday knew exactly where they needed to meet. She typed a response and immediately threw her phone across the room after hitting send. She hoped it hadn't woken Thing up but she hardly cared. She pulled her pillow over her face and exhaled.

After 13 minutes, Wednesday moved the pillow and inhaled deep. New record. 13 minutes.

She breathed in and out for a few moments, restoring her breath with ease. She needed to test if the serum was still working again, before she went to sleep. There was no telling what her dreams could look like if she wasn't aware of what was at play in her system. She was a lucid dreamer since she was a child, and didn't particularly like the idea of telling everyone she encountered in her dream that night the truth.

She began whispering things out loud again.

"I am allergic to colors." Okay, true with or without the serum.

"I burned down my summer camp, but they deserved it." Again, true.

She wasn't sure what to say, because she usually almost always for the most part told the truth, unless it was beneficial not to.

She finally confronted the thing she had been avoiding.

"I am in love with Bianca Barclay." She breathed out. Quieter than the others. Only, she couldn't tell if she was lying or not. She decided she would test it again, by trying to tell the biggest lie she could think of.

"I hat---Love my brother, Pugsley Addams, in entirety, in every which way possible and I always have, since the moment I met him."

She slapped her hand over her mouth, hearing the words fall out and knowing she couldn't finish the word 'hate', because the truth serum wouldn't allow it.

She still couldn't lie.

She laid there, stiller than the night, silently for hours. She would never tell a soul of what happened that night, she swore to herself in her head, suddenly very thankful Thing hadn't awoken. She didn't budge, until finally her body resigned itself to sleep.

----

Bianca jumped out her sleep as her alarm went off. It was loud, causing frustration in her as she rose in her drowsiness, even though that was just how she set it because she didn't want to miss any morning runs.

She felt around her bed for her phone, not finding anything, until she remembered it was half way across the room on the floor.

She dragged herself up and out of her pristine blue sheets to grab it, shutting it off in the process. She decided she could miss her run this morning and get to it later, since there were no classes that week anyway and she felt drained. Thankful to not have a hangover from the alcohol like she was sure almost everyone else had, but she still felt burned out from what had been going on in her mind.

She didn't want to lose her sleepiness but decided to check for any texts from Yoko or Divina. She slid open her phone and clicked her messages. She had over 50 notification but she figured they were from the group chat and whatever else people were doing last night. She clicked the group chat to see a bunch of memes, deciding she could read them later. She clicked her smaller chat with Yoko and Divina, seeing nothing new except some of the pictures they'd all taken last night. She made a note to send the ones she had taken later. She slid out and opened her thread with Yoko, who had texted her a few hours ago that they had finally made it to Divina's dorm but not to worry, they had gone to hang out with some of the wolves and they were all safe. Bianca laughed through her sleepiness and slid out. She grumbled and laid back down on her side, ready to go back to sleep.

She saw one more notification from an unsaved number, and suddenly it all came back to her. She clicked it and saw the short conversation she had with the Addams last night. The whole reason her phone was on the floor in the first place. She cursed herself for not saving the number under a name last night, seeing the number this morning gave her the same anxiety it did previously. She thought about doing it now, and what emoji she would put next to Wednesday's number. A bat, maybe. Or maybe a sword, she thought. She decided to do it later, and also questioned if she should even use an emoji. Finally, she looked at the bottom of the thread to read the messages.

Thank you for saving my life. - W

I'd do it again.

Talk soon?

Tell me where and when, I'm there.

The lake.

The siren's eyes grew wide and she blinked, trying to rush away the feeling that left in her chest. The lake, the lake from Wednesday's vision. She suddenly felt a wave of nervousness rise in her body and she jumped up.

Maybe she would take that run after all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

hey yalllll, its me again lol. I've been feint to write a wenclay fic for soooo long. Speaking of longggg, this is super long lmao. I hope yall enjoy it, pleaseee leave any feedback you have, I read it all and genuinely appreciate it even if its constructive criticism. I hope y'all in the wenclay/gothbee hive are doing well, I know we're starving😭

this is part one to what I thinkkkkkk will be a short series, but if not a series then definitely a basis for more similar writings!

love yall, muahhh

[hee-blee-art]

are there any specific ocs your rotating in your brain rn that you wanna talk about ✨👀

yes! always :)

recently I've been thinking a lot about my toyhouse corners guys as I continue working on their comic, especially basil, alfred, foster, and mac :) coincidentally (or not so) they're the four of the cast who do the most yearning and pining and of course I'm very normal about all that (that's a lie they all make me insane). I can't wait to reveal more about them, I could (and will) talk about them for ages (any questions always welcome, I'll try not to spoil anything too big). particularly I've been thinking about basil's past, his complex troubles with getting close to people, and his relationship to whisk, a troubled kitten who he sees a lot of his younger self in and may or may not be fixated on trying to help because he wishes he could somehow reach though time and help himself when he was a kitten in a similar position to her. all in all I am very excited to keep putting those guys in situations (there will be a candyland, a creepy safety village-esque town, and a mirage-like travelling megastore called appleworld in their future).

I've also been thinking (as I often do) about my tragic fantasy gays, sebastian & konstantine. I've been busy enriching their world with lore and planning out their story so I can start (yet another) draft for the first book of the grey circle, and with that comes a lot of thinking about those two, the haunted prince & his begrudgingly valiant knight who knows him better than anyone and yet cannot know him fully because of his unfathomable secret... oh, there's just something so intimate about being doomed by the narrative and bound together, done part by none, not even death <3 they're very enemies to lovers in a "we're on the same side but I can't stand you but I also can't stand to be without you and if anyone messes with you I'll kill them" way, which I can't get enough of myself.

also! the grey circle has lots of characters I haven't posted about nearly as much but are so dear to me and that I oft rotate in my brain, like ilèan & cainiph, who are a very skilled fairy princess with truly profound mommy issues and cain-and-abel vibes with her sister & an adrenaline junkie bounty hunter who is a bit of a hothead and accidently becomes a werewolf :) another mismatched pair that end up needing each other as much as air. and of course, gren & bain, the little mousy halfling-type creatures who are inseparable best friends in love beyond words, a sly bartender & a leisure-loving bard respectively, both incredibly curious and brave beyond credit, setting out to right a wrong and solve an old family mystery. I think about the grey circle very often, it's one of my favourite little worlds to visit in my head & I can't wait until I have something written that allows others to visit as well :)

the last herd of ocs I've been preoccupied with lately are my room & board cast, the characters for a comic idea I have about silly and bizarre sci-fi/fantasy comic about alternate-dimension-faring roommates travelling in a house-turned-spaceship in search of a (the?) holy grail. they're all old ocs of mine (6+ years I think) that I've rebooted a few different times, and returning to them after some years off feels like reconnecting with old friends as cheesy as that sounds. I genuinely missed them, and I'm excited to be messing about with a story for them again, even if it's just for fun. I've especially been thinking about the main(est) character, martin, and how her journey with transness fits into their larger existential and relentlessly silly adventures.

thnks for offering the stage to talk about my ocs! I love talking about them but I'm not always sure anyone wants to hear, but perhaps it's time I curb that mindset and just start putting more out there because it's fun for me :) also! if anyone reads all this, first of all thnk you for indulging me, and second I am genuinely always open to hearing about other people's ocs, whether through ask or dm or whatever! I know it can be intimidating to just reach out of the blue but I really do love talking about people's characters / stories / creations and I am always open to it. maybe I ought to make some more dedicated venue for that sort of thing but yeah casual oc chat is always an option! I hope anyone who sees this has a wonderful day / night :)

[tellevangeline]

(Photo of me and my husband by @mettieostrowski on insta)

Caroline Polachek as a Sociological Phenomena and why it’s Important to Gatekeep Twinks.

So there I was (picture unrelated) waiting for the train at 10:30 PM on a Sunday so I can go take some extra estradiol from a generous friend at a gay bar, full incognito, wearing a fucking hoodie, I’m so tired I spent all day working on the flier for my new absurdist drag bingo because I and everyone I know are walking parodies of bushwick transexuals.

Train is taking forever so I have some time to kill, and I decide (d? Should I care about continuity? I am not a writer, I’m an author.)

Anyway I decided to put the recent Caroline Polachek album on, which is big for me because I have been a bit of a Caroline Polachek denier. I listened to Chairlift very casually when I was a teenager but I was far from die hard and since then I’ve kind of just thought of her as an unfortunate but all too common case of a talented musician being so aggressively HAIM-Pilled that it’s practically deafening. I say this as a dyke with love for all dykes❤️

Also the “new queen of artpop” claims coming from the exact type of 5’8 naturally dirty blonde he/they’s I’ve made it my life goal to disagree with at all times are really not helping her case for me.

Because here’s my thing. I’m a Kate Bush ride or die, surprising I know. I have I’ve always been a coward tattooed below my collarbones like the only 1% I’ll ever be a part of is her Spotify listeners.

But here’s the tea, if you’re not ready and willing to hee haw like a fucking donkey on a song that’s probably about some form of domestic abuse you just aren’t the new queen of artpop. I do make the rules and to be honest the only people in pop music right now not named lady fucking gaga who has the panache, the gaul, the unwavering commitment to pull stunts and shenanigans on that level are Ethel Cain and Lingua Ignota, especially since FKA Twigs decided she wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life (and good for her, thank you for all the good times queen)

And Caroline is simply not there, she’s too squeaky clean and widely appealing to go to those absurd and ugly places that make a Bjork.

Now my personal cocomelon/surrogate father figure Anthony Fantano the Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd did love her album, and I usually agree with his takes (mbdtf is mid you just love it because it was baby’s first concept album and you have a deep yearning to return to a time in your life where you first realized music could be art) BUT WHILE I AGREE WITH MANY OF HIS TAKES (sorry) my one glaring exception is that he never takes how cunt something is into consideration while evaluating a piece of music, and by that I do mean that he said gaga peaked at fame monster and 212 is the only good azealia banks song. He doesn’t have the tools to engage with music in a fag like manor, so when we’re dealing with music for gays, I don’t trust him.

And then last night I saw a Drag Queen named The Illustrious Pearl perform welcome to my island as a showgirl vampire wearing rhinestoned knee pads and frankly if Caroline is good enough for her she’s certainly good enough for me.

And I’m gonna be really vulnerable here, I really enjoyed the album. Like, there’s about as much art in it’s pop as cranberry in a gay bar vodka cran but it’s damn good pop and the art adds a nice little aftertaste.

I believe is definetely my favorite, those Rhythm Nation/Mortal Kombat ass synth hits always make me convulse (America Has A Problem is my favorite track off Renaissance) (it took me a whole 2 minutes to spell renaissance right) but I also like welcome to my island a lot and I at least liked everything else except for Billions which sounds like a song that was rejected from The Sensual World because Kate would never release a song that non-violent.

But it was cute. I have a meeting with a literal church upstate that is trying to book me for their pride drag show tomorrow and one of them just texted me “Brainstorming with the Holy Spirit is so exciting and so fruitful ✝️💜✝️) and I believe those synth hits on I Believe will carry me through my challenges tomorrow. Love Down.

Xoxo

-Evangeline

[perfectlyripeclementine]

Any book recommendations? Preferably romance books.

hey! i have a post i’ve been periodically reblogging with queer reading recs. i just recently reblogged something i wanna go add to it so i’ll go dig it up!

in the romance genre, love enough by dionne brand is a book i’ve consistently come back to since i was 18. what we all long for by her is also very good! they’ve both got a slice of life ambiance, “the main character is the city” kind of vibes, but also a pretty wide cast of characters with a lot of different kinds of relationships.

i also recently read the land of milk and honey by c pam zhang and i loved it. idk that i’d qualify it as a romance as there’s a lot of other stuff going on in that book but there’s definitely some gay yearning in there.

[kragggon]

You know, its big gay month so I may as well give some thoughts on my end of things. Cause why not right?

Just forewarning, I am not well versed into all the stuff surrounding LGBTQ+, the concept of it is still new but its one I welcome full heartedly. Just, this is just raw ramblings from someone that doesn't know much, so yea

Anyway, so recently I have been questioning myself and who I am a lot, specifically towards the idea of Transgender and all of that.

I dont exactly hate being who I am, I don't really feel as if something is deelpy wrong with me but the best way I'd describe it is a feeling of yearning.

I sometimes just think about being someone different sometimes, and I sometimes wonder how awesome it'd be to experience things from this side. Hell maybe I'm not even trans but just gay. Who the hell knows?? I sure fuckin dont.

But its weird, sometimes i think about how my life went and wonder if I was exposed stuff when I was much younger if I wouldve come out as like, gay, trans or whatever the hell else. Its really wacky.

I guess thats what growing up under a christian household does to someone, now granted my parents were always super chill about the topic, but still, it wasnt a taboo topic just something I never got exposed to uptil I was much older.

Anyway, I guess my conclusion to all of my confusion is that I am who I am. I don't know if there is a label that would describe who or where or what I am, and tbh I'd rather keep it that way.

I like to think that anyone can be anything in this world, and no one or nothing should take that away from you. Maybe you know who you are, maybe you dont, but you should always just let yourself just be. Cause to me we're all just humans trying to get by, trying to understand what the fuck is going on. And far as I'm concerned, you can call yourself a swarm of mandevouring ducklings in a coat and I'll still treat you just like I would anyone else.

Anyway yeah point is uhhh. Y'all are based as fuck and be whatever the fuck you want cause at the end of the day it matters the most to you.

[boy-bug-ghoul]

Things in take me back to eden that make me go feral

so it's my first time listening to tmbte fully after putting it off bc i knew i would be so excited i wouldn't be able to regulate my emotions HDSKSHD

and my ttrpg discord server had to witness me have very very live thoughts and reviews about the album and vessel's voice and vessel's new mask (which i plan on making!)

so here's some of those under the cut!! (i might continue to edit this as i listen again and again)

(i hope this is how you make a cut this is my first post)

Chokehold:

I was listening to per aspera ad inferi by ghost and plugged my ears so that the music was like fully reverberating around my skull and it was. such a good experience.

my hands over my ears, like rattling my eardrums

i did that with chokehold. fucking incredible bro it was. insane. so good.

the light piano noises?? juxtaposed with the SUDDEN HARDNESS AND THEN THE VOCALS AND AHSKDJHFS

The Summoning:

i don't have much to say about the summoning /pos. it's a classic. i think the first song i listened to from sleep token.

I've been listening to it a little more recently. the whole thing is so good especially like the middle bit where it goes so hard and the guitar goes "bleep bloop" (i read from somewhere,, the blog name evades my memory), THEN transitions into the ethereal flowy bit before iii starts bassing the house down

OH AND MY LOVE, DID I MISTAKE YOU FOR A SIGN FROM GOD

i love listening to the drums in ST songs as well. this is one of those crispy delicious drum songs

Granite:

i sing this pretty angrily. "if you had a problem then you should have told me" etc etc yk?

after that part it's sooooo easy to vibe to because of that underlying melody, its so satisfying i listen to it over and over again

"abstract toxicity" ben says

has been in my on repeat playlist for a while now haha

Aqua Regia:

i'm such a nerd about aqua regia. the first verse goes hard. the second verse goes hard. it all goes hard without having to go musically hard.

BECAUSE THE LYRICISM IS SO GOOD. "between teeth on a broken jaw, following a blood trail, frothing at the maw" "putting down the roses, picking up the sword" "oxytocin running in the ether" JUST TO NAME A FEW

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE. THE ALARM BELLS LYRIC. yeah.

also on my on repeat

Vore:

it's like the "gods" of tmbte yk? (it's because he starts out screaming. and i love it.)

but after that like, "will we remain stuck in the throat of gods" onwards,, it has something to it that makes me want to cry.

"there is always something in the way, i wanna have you to myself for once" there's so much yearning

so good. i feel bad for ignoring vore for a while before tmbte came out bc it really is. so good

Ascensionism:

i like the "oh woahs" at the start of vessel rapping

"half of a rhythm, half deity, glitches in the cold or gaps in a strange dream" HIT ME IMMEDIATELY. I HAD TO PAUSE IT BECAUSE IT WENT SO HARD. because it is basically what vessel is. oh my

"make it real" he sounds so good singing this fml!!!

"lipstick, chemtrails" onwards is SO VIBEY like all the lyrics as well!! the blood references interest me!!

vessel whispering "diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky" gave me chills. in a gay way? yeah probably

I DO APPRECIATE HOW THE SONG IS 7 MINUTES!! LONG SONGS CHEF'S KISS

Are You Really Okay?:

i had many. many feelings about this one. it's still hard to put it into words right now

i said to my server, "im gonna start violently sobbing actually. bc its SO VERY CLEAR what it. hrgh"

it was a lot. cried, definitely. i bet it hits close to home for a lot of people.

also weird music moment i was like. noticing shdfkd i was like "damn they did this song in C major and I'm still crying" (or at least i think it's C major, it was so odd bc that's one of the brightest key signatures yk)

The Apparition:

gave me twinges of high water in emotion, but it's because i am projecting too heavily onto the first verse sdhfd

the instrumental after the first verse fucks.

the chorus as well!! the lyrics i keep talking about THE LYRICS on this one "let's make trouble in the dream world, hijack heaven with another memory"

i love the instrumental the whole time, again with that underlying melody

DYWTYLM:

THIS SONG MAKES ME SAD GO AWAY HDFSHDF

i read this descriptor on fake out by fall out boy, but i feel like this song is so "grit your teeth and smile"

"can you ever forgive yourself?" comes for my kneecaps.

"i cannot hope to give you what i cannot give myself" wrrrr shut up bro shut up D:

"smile back at me, please" SEE THIS SONG DOESNT GO TOO HARD MUSICALLY BUT THE LYRICS GO SOOOOOOO HARD

Rain:

the first song i listened to off the album! it is. not because it shares a title with a ghost member... i swear...

THE ENTIRE POST-CHORUS. "refracted in light, reflected in sound" really hit me the first time!!

i love how it gets INCREASINGLY HARDER

ben, to his discord server: "darling will you saturate?" 1. CALLBACK TO AQUA REGIA 2. saturate my [redacted] vessel

i listened to rain for an hour on repeat. it slaps so hard.

Take Me Back To Eden:

right off the bat, 8 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS. AND ALL OF THEM ARE SO GOOD.

the first take me back to eden refrain when vessel does that high note. ascending.

i love the chorus so so much. i had so many feelings relating to the chorus. and the harmonies ohhhh my god.

"THE CHORUS KEY CHANGE MAKES ME LIKE SHAKE" "theres so many key changes im freaking out right now im going insane right now" "THE CHORUS IS SUNG 3 TIMES AND EVERY TIME ITS A DIFFERENT KEY IM GONNA LIKE CRY IM GONNA FUCKING CRY"

i had many feelings related to the key changes. the first time i experienced all three choruses i had to pause. hyperventilate for a bit.

"and i don't know what's got its teeth in me but I'm about to bite back in anger" very high water!!!! the mouth of infinity fr

WHEN I REALISED THAT NOT ONLY WAS THERE A LYRICAL CALLBACK TO CHOKEHOLD BUT THE INSTRUMENTAL AS WELL.

and the ending goes so hard i love it when vessel just starts screaming

clearly. my favourite. there's a lot of thoughts abt this.

Euclid:

the lyrics again. all so good. the night terrors. the yearning and reverence. this is my shit

the "call me when you get the chance" etc. initially i was like "this sounds so much like the night does not belong to god AND OH BOY! WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE

"euclid is fucking insane,,, and they call back to their first ever ep AND their first ever lp and imlike hrgndnksfnrhsn" this was me before the ending right

when i heard "the whites of your eyes" my jaw dropped. i was overcome with emotion.

"THEY CALL BACK TO THE NIGHT DOES NOT BELONG TO GOD AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING. THEIR FIRST ALBUM!!!!! oh god oh jesus"

every time i listen to it i feel like crying. I'm like gonna cry. it's so good. what a perfect ending.

good lord. what a trip this album was. thank you for reading i still have to recover from this hahahaha