#been a while since i went on a rant
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mooseonahunt · 5 days ago
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Men can’t do anything omfg
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weezerlvr228 · 6 months ago
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they look half dead ☹️
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#matt sharp#i rlly like rivers’ hair in this one! it’s epicness#i liked his hair in the 90s with his bowl cut.#bowl cuts are cool#and he looked great w it !#anyways yesterday was my boyfriend’s birthday party; and i got him some chaos emeralds from sonic that he’s been wanting like ; forever!#it was fun for the most part; but nobody told me we would be swimming plus i was the only girl there sooo i was just sitting around while#everybody swam and stuff. and my friend hayden i guess felt bad so he stayed out of the pool despite having swimwear and just played mobile#games with me; which was fun and i really appreciated but this guy ; who will remain nameless was being rlly mean to me at the party#like he was saying stuff abt how my boyfriend didn’t really like me THAT much (we have been together for nearly a year…)#and other things like that; which made me rlly sad and i kept asking my mom to pick me up but she wasn’t answering so i couldn’t do anything#besides trying not to cry and stuff. but it’s okay#and after everybody went inside besides me and my boyfriend ; we were cleaning up the table since the guys left all their trash and i had#like a whole pile of trash; like tons of plates and a whole stack of trash still; the guy from earlier who was mean just like#put his trash on top of the trash i was already carrying inside#since the guys were all crowded around the trash cans (he was closest; but he couldn’t throw it away; rather he wanted to deliberately just#put it on the pile i was carrying ) and it wouldn’t be a big deal if he wasn’t mean earlier; i wouldn’t have cared so much#but he was being real mean and just did that. and i’m a passive person ; but i rolled my eyes a ton at it and idk it felt like the#other guys were laughing; which made me feel even more awful about the fact but yeah so i rolled my eyes tons and he told my bf that he was#sorry about it; but didn’t say it to me and stuff and idk it just made me feel bad#when i was younger i got bullied a lot and people would throw their trash on my lunch tray n it just reminded me of that and made me sad;#but it’s okay now! other than that i had a good time and it was fun! my boyfriend said he loved my gift to him so ya! :D it was fun other#than the stuff with the guy! but yeah. not rlly weezer related tags today; just really wanted to get that off my chest#my boyfriends mom asked if i felt left out; which i definetly did and really wanted to go home but ik i couldn’t so i was just sitting at a#table alone for abt 20 mins while everybody was changingninitially#but it’s okay! ty for listening to my rant i love u all
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ice-devourer · 6 months ago
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a government worker was a little mean and now im sad i hatehate hate being sensitive
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humblefryingpan · 5 months ago
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I was meant to go see a musical but mum booked the wrong thing and it was like a uni student play? (It was Jekyll and Hyde) Honestly it was pretty shit but it wasn't bad
But like I was so exited and recently I've been trying really hard to seem happier in front of my mum bc last year she never believed me when I said I was happy and a few months ago we were arguing a lot over a bunch of stuff and just generally I feel bad bc I seem kinda apathetic ab shit I'm exited for. So she knew I was exited. And she knew it was shit bc like she was there and now bc she's worried I'm upset (I am but mostly not ab the play) she's going overboard to get me acting more upbeat and I'm so tired I cba
So in the car back I literally just wanted to do my resting face bc like I'm really tired and I was upset and she just kept looking at me so I had to keep smiling and my entire face is so achy. And eventually put on some songs we sing along to sometimes (and like if I don't sing along she's going to make a big deal out of me being sad) and i really did not want to do that
But now I feel really guilty bc I am upset ab the play (like I was really excited and it turned out like 90% screaming, forced jokes and overall just really dry) and ik she's upset too and my negative thoughts are going fucking crazy rn (literally crying in the bathroom rn) and I just wish I didn't act so excited. Like I was really happy we were seeing it and she knew I was and I feel so shit bc if I just kept that in she wouldn't be upset
And since when I go back out she's probably gonna see I was crying and think it was bc of the shitty play but it's not and I feel so bad. Normally I don't tell people I'm exited for stuff but I was trying to start doing that and ig I'm never gonna fucking do that again bc I'm having a full on mental breakdown rn
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gilgil-machine · 3 months ago
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#whenever I scroll through like Twitter or Bluesky or tumblr I see a lot of people making stuff with their oc#or like yume stuff with their fave characters and it makes me go like ''oh I'd love to do that too''#but then I remember that Gilgamesh would never like look towards me because I visually don't appeal to his tastes#nor my like character wouldn't pick up his interest because I'm a boring loser and a coward and sometimes it really puts me down#and yeah I know it's stupid but I just can't help myself😅#and I know that some of you might come to me and say words of support and I would appreciate them#but I'm writing this not to pity party myself but to just lift this weight out of my chest#and I have a friend of mine and we know each other since the childhood like we went to the same kindergarten#and I remember her always being determined and ahe always stood up for herself and was never afraid to voice her opinions#and I always admired her for that because because I always stayed quiet during the arguments or try to avoid them completely#or whenever someone was bullying me I always just burst into tears and just ran away#and I sometimes hate myself for being weak but I just can't do anything about it#and recently this friend she went into military and even though I worry about her and support her#I just can't help myself and not feel envious (in a good way) because of her bravery and determination to make that choice#and just throw her into this challenge despite all of her worries doubts and consequences that she might face#like I can't even call a dentist to make an appointment without being anxious#while she's ready to throw herself into the pits of hell despite fear and everything#like my friend is like that perfect image of a person that Gilgamesh would look upon with admiration and some respect#and I wish I could be like that too#I wish I could be the person which Gil would praise rather than look upon like on a piece of trash...#anyway sorry for ranting and thank you for reading if you did#these thoughts have been eating me for quite awhile and I wanted to voice them at least somewhere#personal
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bergoose · 7 months ago
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texas watcherinas how we feelin
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agustdiv1ne · 2 years ago
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all i've learned from this submersible situation is that u could never pay me enough to step foot into the ocean
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shoezuki · 9 months ago
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Do you have a brace for your wrist? Is it arthritis or carpal tunnel?
Either way, you should rest it instead of writing. It's only gonna get worse if you keep fuckin with it.
Sincerely, old ass anon who got early onset osteoarthritis AND carpal tunnel.
I have a wrist brace yes! N im not technically sure what it is ive been to a number of doctors n underwent shit like electrical testing of the nerves in my arm/wrist and that neurologist i went to told me it was 'just some glitch' n nothing was wrong. I think i have arthritis maybe but idk and doctors suck hskxvdd
N ya ik its like. I should chill. But its fucking annoying practically everythin i do irritates it bleugh. N im sorry bout both ur carpal tunnel And osteoarthritis like damn thats a two for one huh
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thethingything · 1 year ago
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we have a dentist appointment tomorrow and on the plus side we're not really anxious about the appointment itself because the dentist was so nice last time and actually took our medical trauma into account.
unfortunately though we do have to have anaesthetic which makes us feel like shit for at least the rest of the day, and no matter how considerate the dentist is, having a medical professional touch us at all does still trigger certain trauma and then I end up having a bunch of panic attacks at some point within the next few days and it's a really shit time. I really don't wanna have to deal with that and the concept of it is making me nauseous
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#<- kinda#medical trauma#(this turned into a long rant about medical trauma and consent so here's your warning for that if you read the tags)#I didn't like medical professionals touching me anyway but ever since the stuff last April when we went to the hospital#it's been a way bigger issue and I end up being an absolute wreck for a while because of it#I cannot begin to express how much I do not want a medical professional touching me at all but especially not in my mouth#and any other situation where someone shoves their fingers in your mouth when you don't want them to would be considered really violating#but because it's for medical reasons and we have to put up with it if we actually want treatment nobody around us seems to see it like that#same goes for various other medical procedures where it's like if a stranger touched me like that when I really didn't want them to#in any other situation that would be assault but because it's a medical setting I'm expected to just be okay with it???#idk I probably haven't explained any of this right but I just don't like that people treat medical stuff as a special scenario#that's exempt from causing the same distress as any other scenario where someone touches you when you don't want them to#even though our brain is processing them the same way and we can't magically make that not happen#I know technically with medical procedures you (usually?) consent#but it's like... the choice is either consent to it or have your health keep getting worse#and once again in any other situation if your choices were to either consent or experience physical harm#that wouldn't really be considered consent and would be really distressing#I'm literally only consenting out of fear of what happens if I don't which... technically isn't consent but what choice do I have#idk this stuff is probably an issue specifically because of our trauma#but even still I would like to be taken seriously when I say I feel violated after medical procedures
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jihyolesbian · 2 years ago
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ok why is she texting paragraphs in the groupchat that "we need to start cleaning the kitchen more" like girl be real. you know i deep clean it myself every 2-3weeks but it's a big kitchen and multiple people use it i can only do so much
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aria0fgold · 3 months ago
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When got hooked on wobbly dogs...
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Tbf we stopped playing at 7 hours 59 minutes which is still crazy. 8 hours of hyperfocusing on some wobbly doggos...
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mothranting · 4 months ago
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has anyone else who's taken qelbree started having. what seems like manic episodes during/afterwards.
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g-hua · 6 months ago
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Do you know that "friend" who makes you feel bad about the things you do by talking about someone else who also does these things and saying that the reason that other person does these things is on purpose to be selfish or piss off others but never talks to you about the times you do those things?
Especially when they are mental health related things?
Yeah?
Fuck that friend.
#vent post#it's been a couple of years and I still haven't forgotten the time my “friend” went on a rant about a girl he knows#and how she used social anxiety as an excuse to be picked up and driven by someone when asked if she wanted to hang out#like fuck you man why do you care? she has set her terms for hanging out why are you salty?#you said she doesn't have a car or driver's license because of her anxiety so maybe she isn't lying you dumb salty fuck#and then using her situation to make me feel bad that I don't have a car or drive because I'm scared of getting distracted#because my neurodivergency inconveniences you so much when you want to hang out but I need transportation alternatives like public transport#there is a simple solution for that my dude#and the solution is that you FUCK OFF and go hangout with your other friends who can drive since me being unable bothers you so much#but you should remember that when you went scorched earth on everyone and got screwed over#when you came back with your tail between your legs to apologise to all your friends that you hurt#i welcomed you with open arms and was worried for you#and when my foster dad died and I disappeared off the face of the earth you didn't give a shit#but years later I gave enough of a shit to find you again and I gave enough of a shit to ask how you had been doing all these years#and while you told me about how bad you had it you didn't once ask how bad I had it#you didn't once wondered how fucked in the head I might have gotten and why#remember all this shit next time you whine about how hard it is to make friends in your 30s while you are constantly texting new people#and I'm over here talking to the same 3 which include you#maybe it's hard for you to make friends because you're a douche dick and the only people who stayed were the ones who don't care#and ignore you while you continue to be a douche dick or the ones that care about you enough to withstand your douchedickery#which your own MOTHER couldn't stand by the way
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autisticbee · 1 year ago
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I hate when anyone calls any glorified meme from the d@nvsyou page canon. Like, no, it's not. It's not in the text of the show IT'S NOT CANON. & god why would you want it to be
Like @ you imp0ster fans to start with, if all the posts were canon that would make imp0ster a canonical r@pist like is that really what you want.
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gothicfied · 1 month ago
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can you write a squid game fic or head cannons of other characters finding out the reader is struggling with self harm? If so, thank you and I understand it is a sensitive topics and may be uncomfortable to write.
Squid Game season 2 characters x reader who struggles with sh
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Featuring: Thanos / Player 230, Se-mi / Player 380, Cho Hyun-ju / Player 120, Nam-gyu / Player 124, Kang Dae-ho / Player 388, Park Min-su / Player 125, Kim Jun-hee / Player 222
(Trigger) Warnings: Mention/Talk about sh, depression, and things of this nature, this is comfort/angst, not proof read (english isn't my first language)
Summary: Basically what the ask says
A/N: hey! I hope this is what you imagined, sorry if some of these are ooc😞🙏
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Thanos / Player 230
જ⁀➴ Before he really knew, he'd constantly make your life a living hell, basically making fun of your shyness. He'd make certain comments to which he knew you wouldn't react to or would try to persuade you to vote in favor of the game containing.
જ⁀➴ You'd constantly tell him off and to leave you alone. It didn't really help, though. Thanos would just sit down next to you and talk your ear off about what he wanted to do with that prize money.
જ⁀➴ When you stood up to leave, rollung your eyes at him, he grabbed you by your wrist.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Thanos blurted out, giving you an offended glare. "You know, it's really rude to just leave a conversation like that." When you tried to get out of his grip, your sleeves rode up your arm, revealing scars you weren't proud of or wanted him to see. When you realized it, he did too, immediately letting go of you.
જ⁀➴ Since Thanos knew what it meant to struggle with mental health he did actually leave you alone for now. But, after the next game, he approached you again and sat down next to you. "I'm sorry about yesterday." he said, patting you on the back.
જ⁀➴ He related to you in a way, but didn't want to ask you about what went on in your private life. Now you just appreciated that he seemingly didn't overstep any boundaries anymore and even checked up from you every now and then.
Se-mi / Player 380
જ⁀➴ You and her had been a duo ever since she came up to you and complimented your looks. Even if you denied it or not, she'd repeat it multiple times, winning you over with her charm quickly.
જ⁀➴ You two had the same mindset on a lot of things, originally voting 'O', thinking you were able to survive one more lousy game. That game was a death scare. Nothing about it was funny anymore. You appreciated your life too much these days to die like this.
જ⁀➴ When the second favor didn't go your way, both Se-mi and you now voting 'X', you felt helpless. One night, the two of you were sitting on her bed, just talking about your past and how you got to this point in the first place. While Se-mi was more secluded, only telling you that 'there are so much worse things she had to face when she got out' you trusted her enough to tell her about a sensitive time in your life.
"I'm not really secretive about this anymore," you pushed your sleeves up, revealing faded scars along your forearm, "but yeah. It was all pretty fucked up. The whole debt thing didn't make it any better." Se-mi looked at you with raised eyebrows, her fingers tracing the lines on your wrists. "I knew you were strong. Don't worry, we'll get out of here."
જ⁀➴ She put in double the work to protect you — She just wanted you to start a better life with that money and be happy, free from debt and all of it.
Cho Hyun-ju / Player 120
જ⁀➴ Hyun-ju noticed from the start that you were more secluded, more prone to cry, panicked easily. It was clear to her that you were struggling with this situation, perhaps even more than that. She made it her task to help you as much as she could, comfort you and keep you close to her and her group.
જ⁀➴ You'd often rant to her and tell her what bothered you after she reassured her she'd take care of anything possible. Hyun-ju was the anker you needed in this shithole and you just appreciated her very much. Everything she did seemed to be out of genuine interest and not just to gain your trust and abuse it.
જ⁀➴ Accidentally, Hyun-ju did catch a glimpse of the scars you were so desperate to hide. She didn't mention it, feeling like it wasn't her place to comment on it. Her heart did break for you, though.
જ⁀➴ From then on, she made sure to speak softer to you and distract you from all the horror around you.
Hyun-ju hugged you tightly against her chest, her arms engulfing your figure. "Tonight things could get a bit scary," she mumbled into your hair while she rested her face against your head, "I just want you to know now rather than find out later. I'll keep you safe, you know that." You just nodded, reciprocating the hug after a few moments.
Nam-gyu / Player 124
જ⁀➴ When he found out, as you didn't make the effort to hide them or anything, he did refrain from provoking you in any way. Nam-gyu related, as he considered his drug use not to be the best thing he could do to his body.
જ⁀➴ Both of you hung around in the same group, since Thanos really wanted you on his team, constantly giving you compliments and flirting with you. It annoyed him to a degree, scoffing everytime Thanos tried to talk to him about how pretty you were, how much he wanted you, give you the world. In Nam-gyu's opinion, he didn't get you.. didn't get what you went through, at all.
જ⁀➴ One evening before lights out, the two of you were teasing each other about something and laughed together — something that rarely occured amongst the other players.
"Want me to show you something?" Nam-gyu asked you, leaning a bit closer. Chuckling, you replied with a 'mhm' and watched him pull up the sleeve of his jacket, revealing skin tracks along the inside of his elbow. You raised an eyebrow: "Oh?" You took his arm to get a closer look, tracing his skin with your fingertips. "Well, we all have our stories, huh?" The man nodded at your wrists, making you look at them too, like you didn't already know what he meant.
જ⁀➴ The both of you grew close to each other, much to his amuse. He was a junkie, you were depressed.. it's like a disaster in the making. But, you didn't care. He was sweet and weirdly kind to you — Not in the way Thanos was. You made sure to hug Nam-gyu a few times more after that, in case it could be the last timd you'd get to do that.
Kang Dae-ho / Player 388
જ⁀➴ You were glad to be on Gi-hun's team from the start, since Dae-ho and you got along really well. As a former Marine, which he was super proud of obviously, he declared he'd protect you immediately after you met, making you laugh.
જ⁀➴ He was kind, strong and funny, but maybe a bit oblivious at times.
During the six-legged pentathlon, you two sat next to each other, cheering the current active team on. Yelling and screaming filled the area as they crossed the finish lind just in time, making everyone erupt in cheers. Dae-ho immediately hugged you with joy, excited to see the five live another day, at least. After pulling back witha laugh, you gave him a small high five with your sleeve rolled back. When noticing scars along your wrist and forearm, the former marine gasped pretty loudly. "What?" you asked with genuine concerning, fearing something was wrong with you. "Oh, I'm so sorry," Dae-ho pulled your sleeve back over your arm. "Dude," he looked at you with wide eyes "it's fine." You needed to hold back a laugh.
જ⁀➴ Dae-ho felt so bad to havs accidentally seen something you've been struggling with, that he couldn't help but apologize profusely. You repeated to him that it wasn't a big deal for you and that you were working on this problem, but he didn't stop nonetheless.
જ⁀➴ You thought it was cute how much he seemed to care for you and how often he came up to you just to tell you that he appreciated you. And Dae-ho did, he didn't just say that to make you feel better.
Park Min-su / Player 125
જ⁀➴ Min-su is just shy over all. When he noticed it, he wouldn't say a thing. He'd be dead silent, maybe even a bit scared to talk to you. He was just scared he'd make it awkward, somehow hinting that he knew about your scars. Min-su was just someone who overthought a lot and even you noticed it.
જ⁀➴ After a bit, it annoyed you — The sudden lack of his presence next to you, the fact that he wouldn't properly talk to you anymore, it was all just weird and confusing. So, you decided to ask him directly.
"Did I do something wrong?" your voice wasn't stern, but Min-su could tell that you were kind of upset. "Ah, no-" he quickly replied back, shaking his head, "it's really not you!" He looked at you with his typical innocent face, making it hard for you to keep pressing him about this matter. "Then what is it, seriously?"
જ⁀➴ He explained what he saw and said that he just felt so sorry. Well, at least he didn't speak to you because he didn't want to hurt or upset you, which was really thoughtful.
જ⁀➴ You'd expect that he would now be the one to comfort you or something, but no it was the complete opposite. Min-su seemed to worried about you and kept asking you how you were feeling or if anything bothered you. You had to keep reassuring him that those times were in the past and that he didn't have to be so worried.
જ⁀➴ It was really cute though, so you let it slide.
Kim Jun-hee / Player 222 (implied fem!reader)
જ⁀➴ Since Jun-hee and you were pretty close in age, you two had found each other right away. You kept telling her that she needed more protection, or at least an ally like you, on her side sincs she was pregnant. You weren't really serious about that, just chuckling when bringing it up, but ut definitely made Jun-hee trust you a lot more. It was a critical situation she was in and she was glad to have you by her side.
જ⁀➴ You even banged on the door in the middle of the night to make the guards take her to the bathroom when she was to shy to do it herself.
As ths pink guard brought you to the womens bathroom, Jun-hee held onto you, clearly being in pain. A few minutes later, you were washing your hands and tried to fix yourself up, looking a bit disgusted in the mirror. "What is it?" Jun-hee emerged from one of the stalls, chuckling. "Man, I look like a damn zombie. Look what this place has done to us." Instead of getting a reply, you noticed that she was staring at your arms, at your scars. You had taken your jacket off for convenience and kind of forgot about them. "Oh, I'm sor-" Jun-hee interrupted you, "No! No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have stared like that!"
જ⁀➴ Obviously everyone had their struggles, but now her own kind of seemed insignificant next to yours. You were doing so much for her and she didn't even know that you were struggling. She should've thought of that.
જ⁀➴ When voicing that thought to you, you felt bad that you made her feel like that. With a hug, it was all sorted out. Jun-hee cared deeply for you and she could tell that you cared for her like that, too. It was nice to know that someone had your back in a place like this.
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sooniebby · 2 months ago
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ఌ 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐄
w.c › 9k
Warnings › face claims. Part 2. Bottom male reader, slow burn, slight romance with Doha. Mentions of body shaming
Plot › Mingi begins to actively pursue you, while you uncover who else in the group still likes you
Kinks › size difference, cross dressing, manhandling, lite feminization, semi-public sex
Words to know › maknae (막내) — youngest. Hyung (형) — a term a younger male will call an older male. Jagiya/Jagi (자기야) — “sweetie/baby.” Noona (누나) — a term a younger male will call an older female.
ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
Four years ago
Doha didn’t get it.
You and Hyojin were acting buddy-buddy after one music video. It was strange to him at how easily Hyojin just started calling you “Hyung.” Did you really allow it? You haven’t even been in the group for over two months yet.
The company just plopped you into the group and expected everyone to just fall at your feet.
Well, he wouldn’t.
But he didn’t agree with Yohan’s weird hatred of you.
He and Yohan were walking to the dance practice room. Yohan looked angry, he had been angry ever since you stole the leader title from him.
“I don’t get it. I’ve been leading you guys for four years, how is that Hong (Name) better than me?! Just because he can carry a tune?” Yohan ranted, lowering his voice when he and Doha reached the empty room.
Doha didn’t respond, letting Yohan whine about his frustrations. He took off his jacket and backpack, resting them on the couch. Why was there a couch in the corner of the dance studio?
Who knows.
He plopped down and pulled out his phone, typing away. “You talked about this earlier. It’s been two months.”
“Two months!” Yohan yelled, throwing his bag onto the couch. “Two months compared to my four years! How is that fair?”
“Stop yelling at me as if I chose for this to happen.” Doha rolled his eyes. “We just have to go with what the company decided.”
Yohan groaned, rubbing at his face. Doha glanced up and noticed the door to the studio open, Mingi was walking in with Hyojin to behind him. He was about to greet them when you appeared right after them.
His eyes widens as he glanced over at Yohan who had his back to the door. He quickly tried to signal for Yohan to shut his mouth.
“It’s so strange, what did Hong (Name) sleep with the CEO to get my position?” Yohan ranted, pausing when the sound of the door slammed shut.
Doha held back his loud groan as he watched Yohan look pale, he wasn’t making any effort to look back.
“Seriously, Hyung?”
Doha raised an eyebrow, he had expected Hyojin to say something but Mingi beat him to the punch. Hyojin looked pissed but Mingi had a look of anger that he had never seen on the younger boy.
You on the other hand, didn’t look bothered. Doha looked closer and realized why—you had headphones on. You took off your headphones and smiled widely, naive to the fact one of your teammates just insulted you.
“Afternoon!” You said. “Is everyone here?”
“Kihyun Hyung is coming late,” Hyojin answered, looking back at you.
Mingi kept his gaze on Yohan’s back, tightening his grip on his bag. He raised his hand up and leaned back, before throwing his backpack to hit Yohan square on the head.
Yohan grunted, almost falling to his knees from the impact. Doha winced. Mingi always had the heaviest backpack because of his school supplies. He still went to school at the request of his mother.
The bag fell to the floor as two thick school books slipped out.
“Mingi-Ssi!” You said, a frown on your lips. “That’s not nice, you need to apologize.”
“I’m not apologizing to an asshole like him, he should apologize to you!” Mingi yelled.
“Why should he—?”
“—sorry I’m late.” Kihyun said, entering the studio with the choreographer and a few managers behind him.
Well, things were getting worse by the minute.
The dance practice went fine. The choreographer had to tell Mingi to stop glaring at Yohan. A few times Yohan was even told to fix his movements, which was rare. Yohan never got moves wrong.
After the managers gave the dance practice their approval, everyone was eager to leave. Mingi left first, his excuse was the need to “study.” However Doha knew it was because Mingi would’ve jumped Yohan if he stayed any longer.
Hyojin didn’t even speak to Yohan as he walked past and left with Kihyun. Doha was about to go speak to Yohan when the boy left quickly.
Doha sighed, rubbing at his face. He’d have to try and talk to Yohan another time. Any sort of tension between the group before debut was a bad sign.
Just as he finished packing, he glanced up to see one of the managers had stayed back. It was an older man. He wasn’t their main manager—just one that would occasionally substitute for Dawon or Gaeul.
“Do you need something?” Doha asked, standing up.
“Ah, yes,” the man said, a wide grin on his face. “You dance pretty well but… I’ve noticed that you’ve gained a bit of weight.” He used his pen to point of Doha’s stomach.
Doha just felt himself freeze as the man poked his stomach that was spilling over from the shorts he was wearing.
“You’re probably just eating good for your debut but you don’t want to be over a certain weight. Guys need to watch their weight too!” He laughed, as if this was just a funny joke. “Maybe lighten up on the gimbap or something, I’ve noticed you’ve been eating it a lot.”
“Gimbap is healthy.” A voice cut in.
Doha glanced over to see you. You hadn’t left yet?
Your gaze was harsh as you glared at the manager, reaching over to push his hand away from Doha’s stomach. “You shouldn’t touch someone you don’t know. It’s rude and disgusting. Besides, are you his doctor?”
“Huh…?” The manager asked.
“Are you his doctor? What if he is at a healthy weight? He’s still growing.” You patted Doha on the back. “Weight fluctuates… but even then, even if he was gaining weight from ‘eating too much’… it’s none of your concern. Now you should go, I’ll be reporting you to the HR department.”
The manager squared his jaw. He looked ready to say something before he raised his hand up high. Doha felt himself move before he could even think as he grabbed the man’s wrists just as he brought his hand down close to your face.
“Are you crazy?” Doha yelled, pushing the man away. His yelling seemed to catch a few people’s attention as Dawon and a few other people walked into the studio.
He stopped paying attention as the workers began speaking to the manager as he glanced over at you. His gaze softened at the sight of you, you looked calm for just a second before you let out a gasp, almost dropping to the ground. Doha grabbed your arm and held you up as you took multiple deep breaths.
“Doha, (Name), are you guys okay?” Dawon suddenly asked. Doha looked up to see the manager being carried out with force. “I didn’t think he’d be crazy enough to hit any of you guys.”
“We’re okay. Maybe you guys should look into the people you hire.” Doha spit out.
Dawon rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure. I’ll go tell them that. You guys should go home, it’s late.”
As Dawon left, Doha heard you let out a sigh. He looked over at you and helped you stand up straight.
“Sorry,” you muttered. “I tried to act… tough but I was so scared. He shouldn’t have said that to you.”
“Has.. someone spoken to you like that?”
You only nodded. “Mhm. But it’s the first time I’ve talked back… it’s easier doing it for other people, for you.” You looked up at Doha and smiled.
Doha only stared at you before feeling himself blush. “Ah.. thanks, (Name)-Ssi.”
“Oh, you can call me Hyung.”
“Are you sure..?”
“Mhm!” You grinned. How could someone be this cute without being cringy?
“Ah.. okay, (Name) Hyung…”
“You’re so cute, Dodo!”
Doha narrowed his eyebrows, “never call me that again.”
“Mhm… Dodo!”
Never mind, he didn’t like you.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
You were pretty sure Mingi was dying.
It had only been four days since your ‘no touching’ rule and he’s been acting as if he’s going through a drought. He was currently on the couch, dead eye contact on the tv as he occasionally let out a loud groan.
He seemed to groan louder each time you walked past the living room to get to the kitchen.
While he was certainly dying—you couldn’t lie to yourself much longer.
You were horny.
Worst of all, you were missing him sleeping with you at night. You never realized how much Mingi touches you everyday. Yohan was the cuddliest but Mingi was on another level—but usually only with you.
Teaching him a lesson seemed so silly now. You wanted him to touch you but you knew he wouldn’t dare unless you told him to or until the month was over.
But… that was embarrassing. You didn’t want to ask. You, the oldest, whining to the younger man to touch you?! Have some decorum!
No way in hell were you going to embarrass yourself in front of your maknae again. No way!
You’d get through this… you would!
“Hyung, are you going to stare at Mingi all day or..?”
You sat up, blinking rapidly as you looked over at Kihyun. He smiled and sat down beside you in the van. The company was having the group record content for promotion for the future comeback. Luckily, Yohan and Mingi were currently holding the vlogging camera.
“I was staring?” You whispered. “I wasn’t.”
“Sure.” Kihyun replied, looking over at Mingi and Yohan when Yohan let out a loud laugh. “Why didn’t Mingi sit next to you? He always pushes us out of the way to sit near you.”
“He does?”
Kihyun rolled his eyes. “You’re so oblivious.” He muttered, looking back at you.
You pouted. “Well why aren’t you sitting next to Jinnie?”
That seemed to be a sore spot as Kihyun immediately tensed. He didn’t even attempt to glance over at Hyojin who was sitting next to Doha. The two weren’t even talking, just listening to music on their own headphones.
“Ah,” you muttered, wondering how far you could push him before deciding to just take his mind off his problems. “You just wanted to spend time with your Hyung, mhm~?”
Kihyun glanced over at you with a raised eyebrow as you grinned. You wrapped your arms around his bicep and pressed your cheek against his chest.
“Hyung wants to spend time you too~” You giggled, purposefully tightening your grip as Kihyun tried to pull away. “Hyunnie~ don’t make Hyung sad!”
“You’re so annoying.” Kihyun muttered, but you could see the corner of his mouth tilting upwards as he fought back a smile.
You opened your eyes and glanced over to see what Mingi and Yohan was doing as their conversation suddenly fell silent. Only for you to see the both of them staring daggers right at Kihyun.
The camera was pointed at you two so you decided to wave, trying to ignore the weird tension for those two.
“Hyunnie, wave to Miras.” You said, grabbing Kihyun’s left wrist and waving it for him. He didn’t pull away and just allowed you to maneuver his hand around.
“I’m stopping for gas.” Dawon said from the driver seat. Gaeul said something too but you couldn’t exactly hear her clearly.
Once the van reached the gas station, Kihyun and the others had gotten out to buy a snack. You stayed in your seat, typing away as you texted your mother when the sound of bickering filled your ears.
“Stop it, I’m the youngest.”
“You can’t keep using your age card!”
“Face it, (Name) Hyung doesn’t even see you that way.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know a lot of things… living in the same apartment has gotten us closer than you can imagine.”
“You fucking—”
The sound of banging caught your attention as you made the move to get up. However an angry Doha walked into the van right after. He sat down beside you, muttering on about something you couldn’t understand.
Hyojin came in after, sitting down in his same spot. Kihyun walked in but seemed to hesitate for a moment. He made the move to sit somewhere else until Hyojin grabbed his hand and tugged him back to the seat.
You watched the scene with an odd sense of relief. Maybe they’ll get over whatever’s bothering them.
After a minute or so, a disgruntled Mingi walked in with Yohan close behind. The two sat in the two empty rows of the van, far apart from each other.
The van had three rows, two seats each. You were sitting in the right side middle row. Kihyun and Hyojin were in the back row, left side. Mingi in the front left side and Yohan in the front right side.
They looked childish.
Dawon and Gaeul came in not too long ago and started the car. The group was heading to the amusement park.
“Doha,” you whispered, leaning in.
Doha glanced over at you, pulling off his headphones. “Hm?”
“What were Mingi and Yohan arguing about? Did a fight break out?”
He rolled his eyes. “Dumbasses were fighting over something stupid. I think Mingi was going to punch Yohan Hyung but I beat them both to it by hitting them both. So childish.”
“What were they fighting over?”
“Uh. I don’t know.”
“Oh.” You frowned, easily clocking that Doha wasn’t about to tell you the truth.
The rest of the ride was oddly tense, well from Mingi’s and Yohan’s side. You decided to leave the two to wallow as you gazed out the window. It would be your first time going an amusement park. The last time the group went was in their second year and you had to sit out because of a family emergency.
Your mother could never afford to take you when you were younger. And even as you grew up, you threw yourself into practicing as a singer and dancer. No breaks.
To say you were excited was an understatement.
Once the van finally reached the location, you were practically buzzing in your seat. You all got out of the van as you took in your surroundings. Dawon and Gaeul was telling you guys something but you could hardly pay attention.
It was more than likely just about what to do for the vlog. Didn’t matter to you, you hardly paid attention to it since Miras didn’t particularly care about you.
As soon as Dawon and Gaeul gave you guys the ok, you practically sprinted away, ignoring the surprised yells of your members.
There was a whole plan that you had since you were ten. You were going to follow that plan to a tee!
First: ride the Ferris Wheel.
Lucky for you, there was no long line. You eagerly got on and sat on one of the horses. It looked a little silly compared to the small kids on the ride but you didn’t care.
Even if the ride was a little slower than you imagined, just being on it was fulfilling any dream you had back then.
After the ride finished, you were a ball of energy as you mentally thought about what your next step was. But you didn’t get far when something tugged at your shirt. You looked back to see an exhausted Doha as he let out a heavy breath.
“Holy shit,” he cursed, rubbing at his face. “You’d think you’re the youngest. What was that?”
You blushed, biting your lip. “Sorry, I got a little excited.”
“A little?”
You giggled in response to his harsh glare. You could hear footsteps from behind him as you glanced over his shoulder. Mingi was sprinting over to you with Yohan right on his tail, somehow holding up the vlogging camera upright the entire time.
Hyojin and Kihyun were walking behind them.
“Hyung!” Mingi yelled, skidding to a stop as he shoved Doha away from you. Doha gave Mingi an incredulous look as you couldn’t help the slight laugh that left your lips. “You scared me—!”
“—scared us.” Yohan interrupted, slowing down as he panted heavily. “Who knew the leader would abandon his members in an amusement park. I only noticed you walking away because of the camera’s viewfinder.”
You grinned sheepishly, “sorry. I’ve never been to an amusement park, I got too excited.”
“You’ve never been?” Mingi asked.
“No. I have a list of things I want to do.”
“I’ve been here loads of times,” Yohan said, grinning. He pointed the camera over at you. “I can show you the best rides.”
Mingi subconsciously stepped in front of you, “no way. You’ll hog him the entire day. I want to spend time with Hyung.”
“Stop being so childish,” Yohan rolled his eyes. “It’s so he can have a good time.”
You sent a swift glare to both boys before they could raise the tension with their stupid argument. You didn’t know what was wrong with them—they seemed to be arguing more than normal.
“I’ll spend one step of my bucket list with each of you.” You said, shaking your head. You reached over and grabbed the camera from Yohan. “I’ll start with Doha. I’ll find whoever I want to hang out with later.” With that, you turned around and grabbed Doha’s hand, tugging him away to the nearest ride.
The others just watched in silence.
“Uh,” Kihyun muttered. “That’s going against the plan of the vlog.”
Hyojin shrugged. “I think a vlog focusing on (Name) Hyung isn’t a bad idea.” He looked over at Mingi. “What do you think, Mingi?”
Mingi pouted. “How comes Doha Hyung get to go first?”
Hyojin sighed and shook his head. “Oh my gosh.”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Turns out taking Doha out on the fastest rollercoaster was a terrible idea. He was out of commission immediately. You felt terrible as you led him to rest on a bench.
After a few minutes, Hyojin and Kihyun appeared. Doha looked pale as he slowly sipped on the water bottle you bought him. The camera sat on your lap as you had shut it off as soon as he threw up a few minutes earlier.
“What happened to Doha Hyung?” Hyojin asked.
“I took him on that fast rollercoaster… I forgot he had eaten something not even twenty minutes ago.” You sighed, patting him on the shoulder.
Kihyun looked away as he let out a cough. “Shame… we should probably take him back to the van.”
“Ah, right. I’ll go take him.” You said, getting ready to help him up.
“No, it’s okay, Hyung.” Kihyun said, shaking his head. “Hyojin and I will take him.”
“We will?” Hyojin whispered, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah. It’s your first time here. You can’t just ride one rollercoaster and call it a day. Go find Yohan Hyung and Mingi. They were by the food court a few minutes ago.” Kihyun walked over and grabbed Doha’s arm, helping him stand up.
Hyojin helped him as well, looking a bit pissed at his forced aid. “We’ll join you guys later… if Doha Hyung feels better.”
With that, they walked away with a groaning Doha in their arms.
You felt anxious, feeling terrible about putting Doha through that. Deciding to follow Kihyun’s orders, you began to walk over to the food court to find Mingi and Yohan.
Though you didn’t necessarily want to speak to them right now. They were being so childish—it was getting a bit annoying.
You started the camera back up, unsure of what to do. You’ve never solo vlogged. You turned the camera to face you as you smiled shyly.
“Ah… I’m not sure what to do,” you whispered, feeling a bit shy. “I need to find Hannie and Minnie. I made Dodo sick, I feel so bad… I should buy him a gift to make up for it.. but—”
“—excuse me! Are you busy, Miss?” A lady yelled out to you.
You almost ignored her until you realized she was pointing right at you. “Miss…? Ah, I’m not a lady.” You said, laughing slightly. That’s the first.
The lady looked slightly embarrassed as she laughed nervously. “I’m sorry! I don’t have my glasses on right now so I can’t see far away that well.”
“It’s okay… is there something you wanted?”
“Ah!” The lady pointed at her small little venue. “I do a little make up and dress up booth! I was asking if you were interested but since you aren’t a woman…”
“Can I still do it?” You asked, grinning at her shocked face. Ever since the whole Cinderella makeup, you oddly wanted to see how you’d look with a more natural look. The stage makeup was always so heavy because of the bright light they shined on you.
It wasn’t a crime to see how’d you look. Maybe you’d like it.
“Of course, of course! Ah, you young men are so open minded! C’mere, I’ll do makeup that suits your features.”
Since you were vlogging, you had the camera propped up on her desk so it would tape the entire process. Though the editors would probably fast forward or take most of it out to save time.
The lady worked faster than you imagined. She looked on the older side, close to your mother’s age of 56. But somehow she was swift and precise with her strokes of the makeup brush. You wondered if she painted on the side.
After a few minutes, she was done.
“Ah,” she nodded, squinting her eyes as she took in her handwork, “I wish I didn’t forget my glasses but you look good, son. Boys should wear makeup more often. They’d look less ugly.”
You bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing. You reached over to look into the small mirror she had on her table. Woah, she was right. You did look good.
The makeup wasn’t overly feminine like the Cinderella makeup but it still softened your features. It was light and almost felt like there was nothing there. Minimal blush and the lightest red tint on your lips. She even put an eyeshadow that matched your skin tone.
The only strong part of the makeup was the wing eyeliner she did.
“Woah, thank you, Miss!”
“It’s no problem. It’s nice to see a man that’s not an actor or model wear makeup.”
You didn’t mention you were an idol.
“Since you’re here, take this sweater, it looks good with your outfit.” She pulled off a baby blue sweater off her chair and handed it over to you. Just as you were putting it on, she placed a headband on your head. “Might as well, they’re the same color.”
You only grinned, handing her a few dollars before grabbing the camera and leaving. While it still felt a bit awkward to vlog by yourself, it was oddly nice to see such a pretty sight of yourself in the viewfinder.
“I only wear makeup for photoshoots and performances… maybe I should wear it more casually.” You muttered, grinning slightly. “Would that be weird?”
It only took a few more minutes before you reached the food court. You glanced around, wondering if you might have to call them when a hand tugged at your sweater.
You looked back and grinned when you came face to face with Mingi. He looked particularly angry until he saw your face. Whatever he was pissed about was long gone as he stared at you with his mouth agape.
You turned the camera to face him and grinned, “Found Minnie. What do you think? A lady stopped me and I decided to let her do my makeup. I kinda like it.”
Mingi only let out a little grunt as he gulped. “Mhm.”
“Mhm..? What? Do you hate it?”
“No!” He yelled, catching the attention of a few guests. “Uh, I mean… it’s nice.. it’s not too much. It really suits you.”
“Thanks, Minnie. I don’t think I’ll wear it daily but maybe sometimes.” You giggled. “Anyway, where’s Yohan?”
At the mention of Yohan, Mingi fought back the urge to roll his eyes. You frowned, wondering if they must’ve fought again. And if there was no one there to stop them—it must’ve gotten bad.
“I don’t know.” Was all he said, shaking his head. “Let’s just hang out.” He reached over and grabbed the camera, turning it off. You raised an eyebrow and tilted your head.
“But we have to film.”
“I don’t care. I’ll take the fall from Dawon Hyung and Gaeul Noona.”
“Minnie, are you okay?”
Mingi glanced around before he grabbed your arm, tugging you away to a corner away from curious eyes. You almost forgot about how he wasn’t even supposed to be touching you right now.
He pressed you against the wall of the hidden corner, a dumpster hiding you both from anyone who peeked into the mini alleyway between the small food courts.
“Hyung.” Mingi whispered, his hands gripping your shoulders as he released a strangled groan. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what anymore?”
“I can’t let Yohan Hyung keep thinking he has a chance with you.”
“What…? Hannie? What do you mean, Minnie?”
“If I want our relationship to work, I have to be honest.” He whispered to himself before gazing over at you. “Yohan Hyung was the person who refused to my request back on my nineteenth birthday.”
“Wha…”
“Everything was okay until he started pursuing you for real. No one told you this, but when we were choosing our roommates, Yohan Hyung and I got into a huge argument about who would room with you.”
“Argument? Oh my gosh, Mingi, why are you guys so childish?”
Mingi frowned. “Yeah, I know… but we ended up letting you choose and after you chose me, he’s been a bit pissy over it.”
“Choose you? How’d I do that?”
“Oh uh, remember when Doha Hyung asked if you’d prefer me or Yohan Hyung cooking you dinner. You said me.”
You blinked. “That’s so stupid. Who came up with that?”
“Doha Hyung because he got tired of us arguing.”
“Of course.” You sighed, shaking your head. “But this is so silly, Mingi. You two can’t be fighting over me like this. It’s not good for the groups dynamic.”
Mingi nodded, signing. “I know. I wanted to apologize but he made me angry again so I fought back.”
“Mingi… that’s not right. You should apologize to him.”
He looked as if he wanted to argue but decided against it. Mingi rest his head on your shoulder as you flinched. It had been a minute since Mingi has been so close to you that this light contact was sending you over the edge.
It seemed he could tell as Mingi let out a laugh, his lips teasing your collarbone.
“Hyung… there’s something else I can’t do anymore.”
“W…What…?”
He slowly pulled away as he held your gaze. Never in your life did you think being stared at like you were a piece of meat could be hot… but you felt a rush of adrenaline in your body from his gaze.
Mingi didn’t say anything his hand slowly reached up and grasped your cheek, gently rubbing the skin. You almost closed your eyes at the touch when lips slammed against yours. Your head knocked against the wall but you didn’t even get a minute to properly react to the pain.
He kissed you as if you were his lifeline. His free hand moving down to grab your jeans, unbuckling it. You reached up and grasped the collar of his shirt but you made no effort to push him away. Your lips followed his as he bit and tugged at your bottom lip, earning a gasp from you.
His tongue slipped in with ease as the kiss entered a new territory you didn’t know. Your eyes felt watery as you whimpered into the kiss, beginning to remember you weren’t exactly in the privacy in your own home.
But he didn’t pull away, his hand slipping into your boxers as he grasped your cock. Your hips stuttered as you let out a muffled cry. Maybe it was a good thing he was kissing you.
He pumped your cock with a quick rhythm, not wanting to drag out the quick handjob. You appreciated it but also wanted him to stop as your moans were swallowed into the kiss.
Your back arched against the wall as your eyes squeezed shut. The pleasure was too much—you wondered if this was what pleasure was like. Or if only Mingi could make you feel this way.
You cummed into the palm of his hand, nails digging into his shoulders as you tried to ground yourself. He didn’t pull away, kissing you as if he was stealing your oxygen. When you began to tap at his back is when he finally got the message to let you breathe.
A large gasp left you as you took a few greedy breaths, taking in the fresh air. Mingi didn’t say anything as he pulled out his hand from your jeans. His hand was coated in your cum as you stared up at him in embarrassment.
“Mingi—”
Your eyes widen as you watched him bring his palm to his mouth. With his gaze zeroed in on you, he stuck his tongue out and licked his palm clean off. He didn’t leave any trace behind as he showed you his clean hand.
You felt as if you’d faint.
“You taste sweet, Hyung.” Mingi grinned, a smirk pulled on his lips. His blonde hair fell into his eyes as he leaned down and captured your lips into another kiss. You didn’t even attempt to push him away, eagerly kissing him back. Your hands tangled themselves into his hair as he pressed your body against the wall with his own.
His hands reached down and grabbed your thighs, hoisting you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as you released a moan into his mouth.
You almost forgot all about your surroundings when the sound of a kid crying startled you both. Mingi immediately pulled away as he peaked over the garbage bin. Coast was clear, but that was way too close.
Mingi helped you back to your feet as you tried to fix your jeans. Your face felt warm—you couldn’t look Mingi in the eye at all. He let out a slight huff before grabbing your face, forcing your face up.
“Hyung,” he said, before his voice trailed off. His gaze widening. “Oh shit… you can’t go out there like that.”
You blinked. “What’s wrong?”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, turning on the camera. Mingi handed over his phone as you cautiously took it. Your eyes widen immediately when you caught sight of your face.
To say you looked like you were just fucked was an understatement. Your lipstick was smudged, blush almost gone from the tears. Even worse, the eyeliner had leaked and trailed down your cheeks, creating a dark stain.
Any one would understand what happened with just one glance at you.
You looked over at Mingi and noticed that there was lipstick on his lips but it looked a bit more natural on his face. Okay, he could get you some wet wipes so you don’t embarrass yourself to complete strangers.
“Go get me some wet wipes.. hopefully I can take some of it off.” You muttered, noticing that Mingi wasn’t making an effort to move. “What’s wrong?”
Mingi bit his lip, “I think I want to fuck you while you wear makeup.”
“Choi Mingi!”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Two years ago
“That’s a perfect birthday present for Mingi. He’ll love it, Hyung.”
You glanced up to see Kihyun standing behind Yohan. Yohan was still holding the vlogging camera before turning to face Kihyun.
“Perfect present?” You asked, moving to sit on up. “What is? I bought him a guitar…” your lips pulled into a frown.
“You bought him a guitar?!” Yohan yelled, mouth agape.
Kihyun rolled his eyes. “You are so oblivious. I meant you being on your knees.”
“Why would Mingi like that?” You whispered, genuinely confused.
“Forget it.” Yohan quickly said, “let’s just focus on getting the party ready.”
“What party?”
You all looked back to see Mingi entering the apartment.
Fuck.
After a few seconds of panicked silence, a rushed Doha and Hyojin appeared behind Mingi. They looked stressed out and you could easily tell their plan to keep Mingi away from home didn’t work at all.
The whole surprise party was a dud.
Mingi sat on the couch as he just watched everyone else continue to set up. You excused yourself to go get the cake when Mingi finally sat up, grabbing the vlog camera. He turned it off much to the other’s confusion.
“I need to talk to you guys about something.” He said.
“Without (Name) Hyung?” Hyojin asked.
“Yeah. It’s about him.” Mingi said, waiting for the members to stop what they were doing so they would listen. “I know each of you liked (Name) Hyung. Even if it’s to different degrees.”
The others glanced at each other, not seeming too shocked at Mingi’s revelation. It wasn’t exactly a secret. Even Dawon and Gaeul noticed. It was mainly you being absurdly oblivious to have not noticed by now.
“So?” Kihyun finally asked, “are you worried you have competition?”
“No.” Mingi glanced up, his face devoid of any doubt. “Because I know (Name) Hyung will return my feelings. So, I wanted to let you guys know… or ah, ‘ask’ if you could not pursue him.”
Kihyun shrugged. “Okay.”
Doha rolled his eyes. “So cocky. Fine, whatever.”
Hyojin looked hesitant before sighing. “I miss when you were scared to even upset us. But okay, I wasn’t going to confess anyway. But if you treat (Name) Hyung wrong, I’ll take him from you.”
Mingi nodded, smiling slightly. “The best birthday present you guys could give me.”
Kihyun grinned. “Ah good. I’ll return the other one so I can get my money back.” He chuckled, enjoying the sudden change in expression on Mingi at the mention of his present.
“What if I don’t want to?”
Doha groaned. Kihyun muttered a quick prayer and took a step away from Yohan. Hyojin shook his head, moving to grip Mingi’s shoulder as a way to keep him standing up.
Yohan raised an eyebrow, “huh? Will you try to stop me? How can you be so sure (Name) Hyung will want someone he sees as a kid?”
“A kid? You little—!”
“I’m back!”
The tension immediately diminished as you burst through the front door. You were bundled up in your coat and scarf, little snow on the top of your nose. Your beanie was rolling down, almost covering your eyes.
“I got red velvet, your favorite.” You walked over to the living room and tilted your head. “Something wrong?”
Yohan and Mingi glanced over at each other.
“No. Nothings wrong.”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
To say that you were nervous around Mingi was an understatement. You practically felt hot whenever he even brushed up against you. The make out two weeks ago made you see Mingi in a different light. A light you’d never imagine for your maknae.
After the whole amusement park debacle, Yohan and Mingi seemed to have made up.
Or at the very least were hiding any fights they were having from you.
Today, the company had did a pre-album fan meeting. Strange, but you knew they were trying new things.
Each member prepared a short little performance to do as their entrance. Although Gaeul definitely had a hand on which songs for each member.
Gaeul chose Rainism for Yohan.
Bambi for Kihyun.
Any song for Doha.
Deep for Hyojin.
Peaches for Mingi.
Hyojin performing a female solo artist song got a few laughs from Doha. Though Yohan was quick to beat him. You had wondered what Gaeul would pick for you but she actually told you she had too many options.
She had given you a few popular male solo artist songs but you decided to pick the one female artist she had on her list. You mainly did it for Hyojin—so he didn’t feel left out!
But also….
Each member would be dressed up in outfits for the performance that the original artist had.
After the vlog had been uploaded, you had a lot of Miras affirm that you looked good in more feminine clothing. While a younger you might’ve viewed this as an attack on your “manhood” you now viewed it as a new way to express you.
What better excuse to dress up feminine was to perform a female artist song?
You decided on 24 hrs by Sunmi. Why not? The outfit she performed in wasn’t too much, some would argue it wasn’t overly feminine.
A perfect start. You didn’t think you’d be ready to wear skirts or dresses. While you did like the Cinderella dress… it was a cheaply made costume.
Wearing real women’s clothes felt like a big step, especially in public.
You winced as the hairstylist used another clip to get the wig to stay down. It was a short pink bob. You were once again the last one to get dressed.
Gaeul stood not too far away, a wide grin on her lips. “Aaah!!! You look so cute! I’m so happy you’re experimenting with your style! Oh, and, you’re getting some attention from women now, after the vlog. They’ve overtaken the gay men.”
“Re—?” You groaned as the hairstylist gripped your face and turned your head back to face the mirror. “Sorry.”
“Yeah!” Gaeul said. “I mean female fans are always the best anyway! But they love how open minded you were. They even started recommending certain clothing you should try! Ah, I’m sure by next year, you’ll get your own offer in modeling photo shoots!”
“Like Mingi?”
“Keep your head straight.” The hairstylist said.
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, like Mingi. See, I told you! You just had to find your audience. If only the company didn’t take so fucking long to stop advertising you as a stoic man.”
When the hairstylist was finally finished, you got up, eager to see what you’ll be wearing. The other members were already backstage, probably starting to perform.
The outfit was similar to the black and white one piece from the video. It was a black and white stripped turtle neck. Close enough. The bottom wasn’t connected to the top. It was a pair of short black shorts.
And no shoes, because she didn’t wear any.
You pulled on the outfit, making sure to keep your new hairdo safe.
“Hm, I think this is a woman’s turtle neck.” Gaeul said, helping you fix the collar. “I’m pretty sure I saw my mom wear this same brand.”
“Oh.” You pursed your lips. “I don’t look like a grandma… do I?”
“Hey, my mom is fashionable. Besides, she’s not a grandma.”
You rolled your eyes. “Do I… look weird?”
“Getting second thoughts? These shorts might hug your butt a little too much.” She pulled the shorts down just a bit to properly cover your ass. “You look cute. You always wore the more revealing clothing anyway.”
“Yeah…”
“What made you want to try feminine clothing?”
“Uh.” You shrugged, glancing over in the mirror. The makeup was similar to the one the older lady did at the amusement park but a bit more heavy. You looked more feminine this way, maybe someone could confuse you for a girl. “Just trying something new… my sister used to dress me up back then so maybe I actually did like it a lot.”
“Ah. Your sister groomed you into appreciating feminine clothing.”
“Uh, I don’t think you should say it like that.”
“(Name).” Dawon called out, opening the door. “It’s almost your turn. Let’s go.”
You gave Gaeul a tight grin and walked away. The performance was easy, you were only doing the first minute of the song anyway.
Performing by yourself for practically most of your teens made you fearless almost. The performance was done before you noticed. You walked off stage right after and let out a sigh, feeling a bit cold now.
“You were great, Hyung.” Kihyun said, smiling at you. He seemed to be the only other member backstage for some reason. Staff members walked onstage and began to set the tables up for the individual fan meeting.
You’d all sit at the table as a person talked to you for thirty seconds to get their album signed and move to the next member. It was quick and easy, Gaeul ran meetings like this like the navy.
“Where’s everyone else?” You asked, reaching up to poke Kihyun on the nose. He playfully sneered at you, pretending to bite your finger. “Are they already changing?”
“Sure, let’s say that.” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “Let’s go change.”
He grabbed your hand and tugged you to the changing room. You followed behind him, wondering if something happened. But decided against worrying if you had no proof of anything happening.
The next outfit was just “regular” clothing. Mainly, clothing from name brands that wanted a member to promote them. You, unsurprisingly, didn’t have any brand that particularly wanted you so you just wore more average clothing.
However, the outfit looked a bit… different than usual.
It was a brown sweater jacket with a burgundy shirt. Most surprising was the brown jean shorts.
You just shrugged and put them on. Everything but the jacket looked like they were men’s clothing. Maybe Gaeul added the sweater as an extra.
“Ah, should I take off my wig?” You asked, glancing back at Kihyun who had changed into his own clothing.
“Won’t your hair underneath be messy? It’s not like we’re taking off our makeup, just keep it on.” He said.
“Ah. Okay.”
After changing, you and Kihyun left to see the others had reappeared. Mingi and Yohan looked particularly upset. You mentally sighed and shook your head, not even attempting to wonder what the fuck just happened between them.
The staff member guided the group back on stage to sit at the table. You sat at the end, grabbing the pen one of the staff members held out for you.
There was a sound of screeching before someone plopped down beside you. You glanced over to see Mingi acting nonchalant as Yohan grumpily sat down on Mingi’s right.
You were about to ask what just happened when the first fan was already starting.
Everything went into motion. Not to your surprise, a few fans didn’t even stop to get your autograph or not even use the full thirty seconds or one minute to even exchange dialogue with you.
Whatever.
Before you could even properly be angry, someone sat down in the seat across from you. You glanced over and smiled, the first time someone sat down since the almost full hour.
“Hong (Name)-Ssi.” The boy looked to be around Kihyun’s age. He looked shy before he handed over his album. “I’ve liked your work for a while now. But only today have I’ve been able to come to any of your Miracle work.”
“Miracle work?” You asked, signing your name. “What do you mean?”
“Ah!” He bit his lip. “I’ve been following you since pre debut! I went to your high school… but uh!! I’m not a sasaeng!! I’ve never tried to find out anything personal about you… but I do follow your mom… she posts so much stuff about you.. but I can stop if that makes you uncomfortable… I just—!”
You grabbed the boy’s hands that began flapping around. He stared over at you in shock, mouth agape as you gave him a wide grin.
“Really? You’ve been into my work for that long?” You couldn’t help but giggle. “That’s so nice.. I’m really happy. What’s your name?”
“Oh! Kim Pilseung! I never talked to you directly… I was too shy..” he admitted, gazing down at your hands that clasped his. “Your hands… are really small.”
You glanced down and noticed that he was right, your hands hardly covered his. “Oh. Hehe, I guess so.”
“And soft. Do you use gloves while working out?”
“You noticed?” You let out a giggle, pulling your hands away as you brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “I do. I like having soft hands.”
“Woah.” Pilseung smiled. “My hands are rough. I try moisturizing but it’s a bit too late now.”
“Please move forward.”
“Ah.” Pilseung moved to grab his album. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hold up the line. Thank you so much, Hong (Name)-Ssi.”
“Hyung… you can call me Hyung.”
Pilseung gasped, his eyes wide as he stared at you. “H…Hyung?!”
“Mhm. You’re not a stranger.” You reached over and wrote a number in his album. “I trust you won’t share it.”
“O..Of course!!! You’re so cool, (Name) H..Hyung! I.. I didn’t want to tell you before but..! Your past performance with your past group… it really meant something to me when you didn’t view love between two men as something disgusting…”
“Past performance? Woah, you really are a pre debut fan!” You grinned, standing up just as Pilseung did. “Why didn’t you reach out before… it would’ve meant a lot to know that you’ve followed me for this long.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t think you’d care… but! I’ll be more vocal now, Hyung!!” Pilseung bowed his head, ready to leave when you grabbed his arm and stepped over to his side of the table. He stared at you in shock as you hugged him tightly.
Everyone else in the room looked over at the display in shock. You knew it was over the top to do this…
But honestly, you didn’t care.
For four years, you thought you were in a group with fans that wouldn’t even notice if you left. Even before that, doing past performances to get attention for your dream to be an idol.
You thought you only had your mom and your sister as your fans.
But to think that to every performance your mom and sister went to, Pilseung was also there. To think that maybe there were even more people that did admire you, that this singing was not for nothing…
You pulled away after a second, smiling at Pilseung. At least he was your height. Pilseung looked red in the face as he tried to say something but only a weak “thank you” left his lips. He quickly bowed and walked off stage.
You ignored the stares of everyone else to look at Mingi.
He didn’t look too happy to say the least.
Ah, you’d get it at home.
For fuck sakes.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Y’know, when you got home, you thought you’d have to deal with a temper tantrum from Mingi. Never in your life did you think you’d be in Mingi’s lap as he fingered you.
You couldn’t even remember how it happened. The two of you got home without talking. Mingi had even went straight to his room first. You thought maybe he’d talk to you in the morning so you decided to shower and go to bed.
Only for you to come into the room after showering to see Mingi sitting on your bed.
Then you ended up here, legs spread as he curled two fingers inside of you, brushing against your prostate. Your body tensed as you let out a whimper, biting your lips to keep your voice down.
“Hyung…” Mingi finally said, resting his chin on your shoulder as he paid more attention to his fingers than your trembling body in his lap. “I know why you did it… you’ve been wanting attention for awhile and Miras just aren’t smart enough to truly appreciate you.”
His fingers curled inside of you, repeatedly rubbing the edge of your prostate. “But did you forget what I said? You don’t need them—you only need me.”
You bit your lip as you gripped at the bedsheets beneath you. Your cock was already leaking and ready to burst. It only took another graze against your prostate when you gasped, cumming against your stomach. You thought he’d pull away now but he didn’t.
No, he kept going. He now began to rub directly on your prostate, his free hand grasping your cock. You let out a whine as your body began to shake from the unknown feelings. No matter the fact you’ve only touched yourself like this before.
It wasn’t him fingering you—you’ve done that many times before.
But it was continuing.
“Mingi.. Mingi stop!”
Mingi quickly pulled away, grabbing your towel as he rubbed the cum coating your stomach. “Are you okay, Hyung? Did I hurt you?”
“No.. I just… I was just..” You sighed, allowing Mingi to pull you to lay down, resting your head on the pillow. “I got scared.. I don’t know why.”
“It’s my fault. I didn’t talk things out with you… you’ve celibate since forever so you don’t know how relationships work. I’m sorry, Hyung.”
“Relationships? Isn’t this… just a sexual relationship?”
Mingi glanced over at you, “sexual relationship? Hyung…” He moved to sit beside you. “This isn’t a sexual relationship. I love you.”
You sat up, staring at him in shock. You didn’t expect him to say it that time that you didn’t get to stop him. Your face felt red as Mingi only grinned. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on your lips.
As he pulled away, you didn’t know what to do. This whole relationship was going against what you believed was right. You as the Hyung and Mingi as the maknae. But Mingi didn’t want that—so who were you to force him into a brotherly relationship?
And deep down, you knew that you couldn’t view him platonically anymore. You haven’t tried hard enough to push away because you wanted it, even if your brain was saying no.
You leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. When you pulled away, you almost giggled at the shocked look on Mingi’s face.
“I can’t say it right now… but… I’m willingly to try…”
Mingi looked almost relieved as he pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss on your forehead. You cuddled him back, burying your face in his neck. The two of you stayed close before he pulled away.
“Now that we’re dating—can I buy something for you? Like a dress maybe..? I don’t want you to be a girl… but I like you being feminine.”
You bit your lip. “Really?”
“Yeah. I want you… to maybe be my Noona… How does that sound?”
“Mingi..!” You whispered, giving him an incredulous look before looking away. “Just… once.”
Mingi only grinned before pulling away. “Well, I gotta go to tell Yohan Hyung to fuck off now.”
“Mingi!”
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Four years ago
Mingi didn’t think someone like you could cry. But here you were, crouched down in the corner of the dance practice room. He was here late to practice—against his mother’s wishes.
The first performance for the group’s debut song was tomorrow and he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t scared. He was nervous. Even if the company said he didn’t need to sing live—he wanted to. Sure dancing was important, but he wanted to show off how good he was at singing.
So he had came to practice live singing again just before the performance but then he saw you.
You didn’t seem to notice him for a second until his shoes squeaked against the floor. Your head shot up as you looked over at him and frowned.
The two of you haven’t gotten as close but Mingi could say that you were getting there.
“Mingi-Ssi…” you whispered, your voice cracking as you rubbed at your face. “Do you.. hate me?”
Mingi stared at you in shock. If only you knew that not even two days ago he found your mother’s account and immediately followed it. He liked every post that had to do with you.
But he guessed he wasn’t showing it… maybe… maybe he wasn’t viewing the relationship like you were.
He sighed and walked over to where you were, kneeling down. “I don’t hate you. I’m sorry, I know I was hostile before…”
You frowned as if you wanted to say something but stopped yourself.
Mingi knew he had to be honest. “I didn’t hate you… I was scared.” He whispered, glancing down at his hands. “I had to constantly prove to my parents that being an idol was a serious job that I tried my best to get into bigger companies but I kept getting rejected.
“After so many rejections my parents said I only had one my shot and after that I had to give up… I tried for this company and when they called me back I’m pretty sure I threw up. Ever since I just kept doing my best so they could debut me as soon as possible… and I guess when you got added to the group last minute… I got so scared.. so scared that they could kick me out last minute.
“I… I shouldn’t have taken it out on you but you’re so good, Hong (Name)-Ssi! You’re better at singing at me and I… I didn’t want the company to see my flaws when put against someone like you. I—!”
Mingi froze when he felt arms wrap around his neck. He then realized he was crying. He felt his throat burn as he buried his face in your neck and began to cry. You tugged him even closer, rubbing his head as a form of comfort.
He sat there, in your arms, for possibly close to an hour before you pulled away. You wiped at his face as you gave him a smile.
“Really…? That’s it?” You whispered, “I can teach you, Mingi-Ssi… I can teach you everything I know so you can be on the same level as me.. but honestly, I think you’re cool as is.”
Mingi blinked, staring at you as if you just confessed your love for him. He felt himself about to cry again as you giggled.
“Can… can I call you Hyung…?” He muttered.
You nodded. “I was waiting for you to ask, Minnie.”
The two of you stayed in the practice room for a bit longer. He didn’t end up practicing that night, just snuggled up to you as you both took a nap in the corner of the dance studio.
But Mingi would soon wonder… if you thought Mingi was cool… he couldn’t have been the person to make you cry. It wasn’t like he technically ever did anything wrong to you.
Who were you crying over?
And why did Mingi have a feeling it had to do with a certain someone.
Park Yohan.
I love writing Mingi. He’s fun. Anyway, yall gonna see into the mind of Yohan in part 4, yall ready? Gonna go heavy into more feminization in the next part, so if it’s not your thing… you gotta end it here now lol
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