#and i cant find SHIT online about this and my psychiatrist at the time denied it completeky so im. like..okay am i just going crazy then.

[mothranting]

has anyone else who's taken qelbree started having. what seems like manic episodes during/afterwards.

[langstexmachina]

sleep

pt. 2 (might be triggering. check out the tags for info)

...

keith knocked on lance's door when he hadn't swung by for dinner like he said he would. he had a nagging feeling in his gut since he pulled into his boyfriend's parent's place that night. mrs. mccain answered the door with a smile and told him that lance had been in his room all night. keith smiled at the lady before making the treck upstairs.

he lightly knocked on lance's bedroom door. he listened as closely as he could, but was met with only silence. at this point, his stomach was rolling with anxiety as he knocked once more, once again finding silence on the other side. his hand slid to the doorknob and he pushed open the door only to fall to his knees. a choked cry ripped from his throat as he took in the scene be for him.

lance, his lance, bleeding out on his vomit covered bed, seizing every few moments. his eyes were rolled back into his head and his skin had paled signifigantly from the beautiful tan that keith had come to love. he'd heard when lance's mother found him. he'd felt when he was pushed to the side. he'd watched as she ran to her son's side, grasping him in her arms, as she called for an ambulance. but all he could think is how he'd failed his boyfriend, the love of his life.

...

it was the next morning when lance came to. his stomach was freshly pumped and he had an iv drip connected to his arm. both of his arms had been stitched up and bandaged and he was left hollow.

i cant even kill myself properly. he thought as he laid back in his hospital bed.

his parents had come in and cried over him and proaded him and showered him in kisses. he smiled softly, repeating that he was fine.

his friends had come to visit and tried to make him laugh but even in his bed, bandaged and depressed, he brought smiles to their faces and shown the spotlight on them.

then keith entered the room. he sat in a chair to lance's right, a hand coming up to lightly caress his cheek.

"i found you, you know." lance grimaced and pulled away from keith's hand.

"ya know, mullet," he started, gazing past keith out of his window. "i wish you didn't." he smiled sadly. tears shining in his eyes. keith continued to stroke lance's face lovingly.

"why'd you do it lance?" keith sighed, his eyebrows furrowing. lance opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated, as if he were mentally deleting, then revising his words.

"im tired, keith." he smiled. "ive been screaming and screaming for ages for someone to just fucking notice me, ya know? im constantly yelling into a void, screaming of how i dont want to be here- about how i want to die. about how i want to kill myself." he took a shaky breath. "but no one cares. not one fucking person cares. so many days ive gone without talking to anyone. no one notices im gone. i dont show up to school half the time but i still have perfect attendance. i post shit online about how much i want to fucking kill myself and get nothing in reply. the world doesn't change without me. everyone can get on with their lives. they can work more efficiently. they can learn more. be happier. live fuller lives.”

he looked at keith.

"and i'll be cold, burried six feet deep."

...

lance was perscribed a medication but his parenrs waved it off, claiming that their child didnt need any more medication to function normally. they'd also denied him a psychiatrist, claiming that all lance needed was a stronger standing with the lord. after that day in the hospital keith didnt see much of lance anymore. he was taken out of the garrison and placed in a catholic school. anyone had only seen him at the end of summer when he had to buy the new uniform. his cheeks were sunken in and his eyes had lost their usual spark.

during the summers his parents sent him to a conversion camp, claiming that it was his gay energy that drove him to suicide. during the school year he stayed inside every day, reading and rereading the bible. his online presence had been put on a hiatus since that day, his parents knew that it was the bad influences online that drove him to try and take his own life.

keith saw lance one more time. it was four years after his attempt. he was by the neighborhood lake at sunset. keith was across the street, walking his new puppy, red. he stopped in his tracks when he saw him, his grey eyes meeting lance's empty blue ones.

he smiled and said his last words to keith.

that night, lance raised a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, a smile on his face.

keith attended his funeral which was held a week after his death. as he stood in front of his grave, he could only think of the last words lance had said to him.

"Goodnight, my love."

...

well that's that. im going to get to the prompts in my inbox but i just wanted to finish this up. thanks for reading. this one is kinda super close to home so basically i hope you enjoyed me practically bearing my soul to you haha. keep sending me prompts! thanks guys.

- day