#becoming less and less each day
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i'm starting to sense a certain pattern here...
#and no it's not that i like to take pictures at a certain angle™#the angle™ just... scratches my brain alright? alright.#it's a certain type of pixel girlie that just makes me go off my fragile hinges and howl into the moon at night#i also realised that like 80% of my caps from Odyssey that ain't scenery are low-key like Kassandra's bicep appreciation#what can i say.#🤡🤡🤡#i'm a clown for women. but especially the very hench ones. as you can probaby see following me here...#i become less hinged about it with each passing year.#which... sometimes makes me think if i'm as bi as i think i am.#oh well. that's another pickle for another day to evaluate. i guess.#irregular tag ramble#lady's screencaps
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revamped looong mermaid orufrey au :')
#witch hat tag#orufrey#partial nudity /#about half of it is new the other half is redrawn from last year. Why would you rescribble some scribbles. Well it was bad.#i always underestimate how much i've improved in a year last may was questionable. also it's not even may any more so why mermaids now.#sorry if you remember this but at least half is new story. i'll just paste more explanation from twt....#first qifrey was cursed by EVIL WITCH eye taken and thrown into the sea#memory-less. then kind little witch boy oru found him on the beach & they became friends#they drifted apart after falling for each other bc qif knew he could never be with him.#oru walked on the beach every day for years hoping to see him again until so desperate he goes into the sea (on a ship?) & is dying#qifrey saved him with a kiss. they got closer &oru swore to find a way to save him that wasnt dangerous but qif knew hed need a dark witch.#(that witch was probably the one who cursed him..just toying with him...) in with the spell oru DOES forget him for real#even tho he needs to give Kiss Of True Love before qif turns totally blind for qif to stay human for good or become seafoam. but oru someho#the oldest magic is love..the ability to break through the curses of loneliness and despair. qif already did that for him#so oru was able to do it back later. he fell in love with him again..but also realised it was obviously him....well anyway......#originally the 'finding oru stranded like that guy in the little mermaid' was a separate au but it still makes sense to combine them#i dont want them to have not met in childhood...thats the orufrey thing....#im going to work on Proper drawings next instead of silly comics as usual....
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making of a feathered thing
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#tagging ship like a power word kill here#hi. linked there is a fic I wrote in uhhh. three hours? something like that#literally have no idea how to explain it to you at all. feel free to read if u wanna. mostly its like damn I keep puttings pictures into thi#s literary piece.#gonna cool down soon. oh boy is it hot here. probably why I wrote that#that took place in like november but the vibe is. summer. or something like that I really need to sleep#new ink arrived! its kinda watery! line still feathering! not into this!#I'll try to see if thats more my paper. dont enjoy that#but yeah Ive just been testing the ink and stuff out with these#doing these like. less than an hour each. no brain just go#man I wanna fly a kite... theres an open plot of land right next to me. I should try doing that#go out and hang out with so many bugs and fly a kite#gods. I need to sleep. idk not much to say here I simply think reki is a growing boy and he'll become great and awesome#thats all folks! have a good night. well good day. its 5am#sleep well! run so fast
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not shipping something subtextual? alright whatever
not shipping it because a wildly popular INACCURATE fan theory says the characters are related? annoying.
not shipping it because you believe (falsely) that they're related + claiming there's no subtext when the crux of the series is the relationship? DIE.
#i need to write my thesis on portal as a feminist story it's been brewing in my head for years and every time#someone says something stupid about caroline or chell or glados it bubbles up and i become exponentially more evil#maybe writing it will inspire less rage within my heart when I see a godawful take in the wild#even if you don't like chelldos. and I get that. you can't deny that the chell and glados' situationship is the heart of both games#the first game ends with them trying to kill each other. the second one ends with them saving each other#logs#portal#chelldos#I swear some people opened the game and absorbed nothing but british men and glowing hole#I think of the GLaDOS line ''I'm being serious I think there's something really wrong with me'' every fucking day#the delivery and context of it. also she's just like me
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a frequent visitor
#boku no hero academia fanart#Yabureme Aizawa AU#nomu aizawa#shouta aizawa#principal nezu#this is a response to an anon but it had a second prompt so I didn't want to answer it and then forget about the second one#but ya Nezu is one of the faculty that comes by super often when Yabureme is in Tartarus#there's always been a powerful mutual trust between these two before he was taken and Nezu only wants to help#the first time Yabureme is in Tartarus he is completely unresponsive but Nezu visits him every few days anyway in an effort to get#a response out of him. it doesn't work#but during his second stint in Tartarus he's more lucid and Nezu becomes a huge comfort as Aizawa is rediscovering himself#he's the reason Aizawa eventually relents and agrees to see his class again. he is totally resistant to the idea bc he knows he hurt them#MULTIPLE times. plus he was barely their teacher so he shouldn't be that big of a deal to them right? they knew him for like a week#when Yabuzawa is his own free agent again Nezu helps him bear the weight of his trauma and they bond over shared experiences as experiments#canon Nezu and Aizawa are cute and funny and wholesome bc of the whole cuddle-in-the-scarf thing but it's way deeper than that#Nezu is one of the only ones that Aizawa knew respected him for his abilities as a teacher vs just his useful quirk. Nezu gave him his job#and believed in him so much that he let him do whatever he wanted in pursuit of teaching students who would live longer#and less foolishly. Nezu/Aizawa are friends and value each other a great deal thanks xoxoxo
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THE BEST OF SHENKO 1/?
The end of the world has a way of reminding you of all the things you forgot to say do.
Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#kaidan alenko#sophie shepard#EDI#shenko#fshenko#mass effect#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#OTP: you're real enough for me#i learned i am physically incapable of creating less than like 20 gifs at a time#but shenko stonks are up right now!!#gif’ing my favorite bisexuals gives me joy 🥹#even though ME2 is dry as shit for shenko content like it’s literally the sahara desert#like a whole ass 10 minutes max of cutscenes between shep and kaidan like come on#like 2 minutes in the prologue and like 8 minutes of cutscenes on horizon#and then an email and looking at the picture in your cabin before the suicide mission#i'm so sorry y'all ME2 shenko canon is absolute shit (besides kaidan being rightfully angry on horizon) which is why we ✨ignore it✨ 🥰#but i rant about ME2 VS treatment too much so i will not write another essay about it in the tags#i will say the EDI line isn't the exact quote from the game but i think about it a lot tbf#same with the quote i borrowed from anderson too lmao (which is also a tiny bit paraphrased)#i just love EDI asking shep for relationship advice when you get to follow shep and kaidan's relationship/struggles across 3 games#and anderson's quote about all the things you forgot to do in relation kahlee to is just *chef's kiss* when you think about shenko#like whether it starts in ME1 or ME3 shenko has some really fantastic moments across the series#two characters with strong morals who realize that they're falling in love and literally start to become each other's strength??#their soft place to land?? their support when they need it?? shenko will always have my heart#also the shenko quotes you get are the most fire thing in the world#you're real enough for me?? you make me feel human?? i want to be your strength- your soft place to land?? shenko you will always be famous#I FORGOT IM GONNA FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN TOO LIKE??#but i’ll stop ranting now bc i do that wayyy to much in my tags lol. have a good day wherever you are! <3
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Preston x Danse is the only companion ship I think would actually work because Preston’s inner turmoil is sort of a loss of faith in himself due to the traumatic experiences he’s faced while Danse is looking for something to have faith in and would find the fact that despite the desire to give up Preston held out so long not just for the honor of the Minutemen but because he had some hope.
It would 100% start off as a lotta unhealthy on Danse’s side as I believe he completely lacks the emotional intelligence (due to a combination of factors) to recognize the he’s feelings as anything but a sort of respect for a superior along with leaning too much into Preston as a substitute for the BoS. Preston may not really have a title but he’s like THE Lieutenant of the Minutemen. Realistically he’s the only companion Danse would probably be comfortable taking instructions from especially for how trusted Preston is by the Sole Survivor and his adherence to military standards despite how unstructured the Minutemen are. It would be him waiting for orders, approval, anything from Preston and he thinks it’s just the desire to have the regiment of the BoS again but he also like when Preston compliments him on being useful or resourceful. He likes the stories of Minuteman glory days and he trades the stories of the BoS that don’t hurt to talk about. He likes the familiarity Preston would provide and he’d be oblivious that it’s not just new found loyalty to the Minutemen.
Yet Preston explains it himself that he’s not a natural leader. He’s not an instructor. He helps manage what the General has put in place and he content on doing that. He relays what needs to be done and does major upkeep but I don’t think he’d know what to do with this guy this literally marches up to him and practically begs for a mission that doesn’t exist. Like the formality and respect is nice but he can tell it’s covering something even if Danse doesn’t.
Danse could go to Sturges for the many repair and upkeep assignments he gives him and has the freedom to go straight to the Castle if he really wants a big mission, but he chooses to come to him everytime. He’s aware enough that Danse only trusts him out of all of the Generals confidantes but it would take a bit for him to understand why. If anything Danse should be strategizing with him as equals seeing as he almost got the Minuteme wiped out and Danse was a Paladin for the Brotherhood with many successes under his belt before Preston even led his first scouting mission. It’s like he sees him as some figure of hope, some one who can come in and add stability. Someone with a fresh outlook who can provide a new perspective for him.
It’s like he sees him like he saw/sees the Sole Survivor but that would be crazy because that would also mean… and then oh, it clicks.
The revelation is both flattering and he doesn’t know what to do with it cause how do you address “I know you respect me but is that the only feeling you have for me?” To the guy who like refuses to rest unless you tell him at ease? He has to reevaluate his whole manner of interaction with Danse cause this is a very slippery slope that he’s sliding down and it’s even more perilous due to Danse’s repressed emotions regarding… everything. There’s an equal chance Danse will try to open up as completely shut down and he’s not just concerned about it cause Sole Survivor cares for him but because he has grown to care for the guy too. It’s not like he doesn’t also enjoy Danse’s company and value as a Minuteman member. He’s not a love at first sight guy but he’s played with the idea, anyone would when you’ve spent nights trading stories, historical facts and beers by the fire in a little home you’ve carved for yourself through literal blood, sweat and tears.
I think it’s one of those cases where it’s agonizingly slow to the actual relationship but neither part are anguished about that. If anything happened to soon Danse would be too dependent and Preston not equipped to handle it. It’s a case where I genuinely think they’d bring out the best in each other cause theyd want to figure out what is best for the other and not just apply what they think is the best. It’s the care that Preston would ask Danse what he wants to do and encourage it and at the same time Danse would be incredulous everytime Preston second guesses himself.
Long story short it’s a good ship to me because it’s just two guys with broken confidences and faith in their roles being each other’s hype man and kissin a little about it.
#my thing with the other ships is less that the compatibility is bad but a lot of these characters would not enable the best behavior in eac#other or they want drasticlu different things in life or partners and while flings or non serious things would work long term I imagine#problems would arise that a lot of them would not know how to address with each other like Preston is the most well adjusted besides like#Piper. I’d say Nick but he has the whole I’m technically another guy thing going on and DiMA and he’s a workaholic and throws himself into#danger a lot if Ellie is to be believed so like Piper is the closest next to Preston#a lot of these people should not be in relationships rn honestly because they have barely worked through their issues and should learn to b#health mentally and physically and emotionally alone first as they cling to hard to SoSu#like it’s almost all of them but like Piper Preston and MacCready but RJ is also just kinda a dick but we knows he’s always been like that#Preston x Danse is till more so a like this develops slowly and Danse doesn’t know why his stomach hurts when Preston doesn’t include him i#his patrol squad for the day and blames it on feeling like he’s being excluded for not being good at it and Preston excluding him cause he’#like I need you to do something for yourself of of your own volition but also his buddy deserves a break and does not get that Danse is lik#a work dog that constantly needs a task or he becomes neurotic#I have so many thoughts on the compatibility of the companions cause some of them are like fun partners and fwbs and others would have the#most heartbreaking toxic romances known to man but still get over it the next day and be fwbs like none of them have healthy feelings#Preston x Danse#dunno if they have a ship name#fo4#preston garvey#fallout#fallout 4#paladin danse#danse#Danse’s active flirting is like ‘you know how to perfectly create a secure perimeter I have trouble believing it wasn’t just bad timing and#luck with the misfortune that followed your group to concord Lieutenant Garvey’ and it’s like the most reassuring thing Preston has heard#but that is like not a flirty thing but Presont is still smitten by it cause what the fuck does this guy see in him or why is he suxking up#to him and his poor planning skills
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i dont think kaveh and alhaitham were romantically involved back in the akademiya. and in fact i believe that the repressed pining particularly from kaveh's part made their friendship breakup worse
#i cant elaborate Yet. but i feel it#i dont know if alhaitham was repressing it as much as he was just. silently sitting in it#anyway yeah i like it better if they have never kissed each other. have they thought about it. oh yes extensively. but it never got to that#their bond kept taking homoerotic undertones back in the day but it never quite bloomed into anything#like not even a friends w benefits situation#maybe it would have if they had less issues. but its better that it only becomes something more years later#i also have feelings about them being an established relationship in current canon. as in like. how would that come to be#i like the idea that it would just slowly happen until kaveh sits up one day and is like huh. this is like. it's like we're married.#al-haitham. are we married?#BUT i believe they need to have Conversations before that can happen. but its still possible#sighs.. kavetham on the mind today tomorrow and the day after too#my posts#kavetham#haikaveh#kaveh#alhaitham
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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Young adult contemporary coming-of-age story (releases 4/16, I read an early copy from Netgalley)
Follows two first-year students at Wellesley College who run dueling anonymous advice columns and befriend each other in real life as they bonded over both being aroace, unaware of the other's internet identity
Platonic love story
Explores themes like aroace identity, finding community, being the queer child of immigrants, and trying to find your place in the world as a young adult looking towards the future
Love letter to platonic/familial love and finding community
Aromantic asexual Chinese American protagonist; aromantic asexual gender-questioning/nonbinary (she/they) protagonist; lots of QPOC side characters
#i got an arc of this and read in basically one day while on a road trip!#i found it very engaging/easy to read#the feud between the main characters is very petty but they're both still quite likable#sophie is very relatable to me as someone who until recently was also a type-a student at a liberal arts college#i think the characters balance each other out very well also#like sophie is very organized and jo is a bit more of a mess#but jo is also less confident in her identity#this talks a lot about aroace identity and i hope that will make a lot of people feel seen#personally i really loved seeing a college coming-of-age story about friendship#because the friendships i formed in college were personally wayyy more important to me than dating#so even though i don't identify as aroace part of me still felt very seen#(that and i knew a lot of aspec people in college)#their feud is kind of petty and terminally online but that's kind of the point in the end#okay i do have to say though#jo's music taste as a dj is SO basic#also this comped to loveless and the half of it so it did amuse me that those are name-dropped in the story#actually there are some aro/ace books that are mentioned though not by name#i think i caught a reference to elatsoe and another one to fire becomes her?#that was cute ngl#dear wendy#ann zhao#2023 reads#lulu speaks#lulu reads#lulu reads dear wendy#books
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In 2018, I made Fight Kiddo as a way to vent frustration with some stuff, but I didn't know what to name her 'cause I didn't really wanna call her Fight Kiddo the entire time. I ended up naming her after my grandma, an incredibly kind and loving lady who would not put up with people's bs.
She passed away year ago today (or. a year and a day ago today because tumblr formatting decided to be difficult, sorry) and like. When I say my 2022 sucked I mean like I caught covid the day before she passed away so for me it was just. Yeah it sure was a summer. It was a rough time to say the least but kept the fight goin huh?
I wanted to bring Fight Kiddo back to honor her namesake in a way, and though I can't do much else now besides draw this for her, I do thank you so much for reading along <3
Con vẽ cái này cho bà ngoại, con nhớ ngoại nhiều mà con mong ngoại thích nhe.
#my covid experience was a whole other can of worms#pls lmk to tag#if anyone wants to hear about it sure jfgsdfhasdfgj#fight kiddo#this series was more for my own full closure i suppose#tag rambling now#when i first made this in 2018 i hadn't seen her in. 4?? i think years#it was a long time so i just missed her#her memory was going so every time i talked to her i was scared she wouldn't remember me#but the last time we talked she was like#'you grew so much i hardly recognized you! if we passed each other on the street we probably would've just gotten in an argument haha'#the apples are a reference to a core memory of mine#she always cut up apples for us but at this point her memory had started going#so this one day she kept. cutting up apples for us and we were like 'g.. grandma this is like our 4th bowl of apples' and#she genuinely thought she hadn't cut any fruit for us so she just kept going--#i used to think of it as a sad memory of her gradually becoming less lucid but i think now more of how it shows how much she loved us.#anyways yeah if you read all that#thank you <3
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anyway i think this isn't going to end up being anything
#atm shes kinda ghosting me so :)))#but generally she takes over 24hrs to respond which . is so frustrating actually like even w rly simple questions#anyway we have a date scheduled on the weekend but we didnt say what were doing or what day specifically#i asked her if she knows what shed like to do yesterday and yh she still hasnt responded#generally like. idk idk. im def more invested but im becoming less invested each day#bc i need the interest to be reciprocated#also same w the cute guy in my dms :( he is...generally cool and hed be a good friend but i dont want him as a partner#but he said he wouldnt talk to me in the capacity of a friend bc attraction ig#which is sad . i wanted a new friend :( i just dont see a long term partner in him#crushposting
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Oh no this app is showing me Trump ads again…
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hm.. closing thoughts. bennie deserved better 😔
#this is what living with your evil parents through your 20s for the sake of your younger sibling does to a mfer#it's so sad too because he and gioia only had 3 years left before she was considered a mini-adult + could move out without it being a whole#hooha... but alas 😢😢#it's not enough to die in the field! you then have to come back weirdstyle and now your friends treat you different because they watched you#die. and now your superiors (including your evil parents) are all breathing down your neck and observing you like a goldfish. and also#you are like... godcharged now? supersoldier style? but when the vigor wears off holy SHIT does it ache + also you feel less and less like#yourself with each passing day. the desire to feast on human flesh and blood is newfound? not fun at all 😱#and THEN. to top it all off. your churchgeneral sends you on a suicide mission to go find an ancient demon because it's your last hope at#finding a cure to stop the Demon Within from eating your entire self. and you both know it probably won't happen but honestly#he just wants you off the island for when you Become Something Else (read: a PR disaster).#and if you do succeed well. hooray! win-win situation‚ right?? ignore how you were thrown to the dogs to figure it out yourself! 💖#so whatever. you go on your hopeless journey and you have some good times along the way w the mainlanders#then! finally! against all odds! you find the giant demon lair you were looking for all along 🍻 perfect timing too because the pain is#becoming unmanageable and the thought of eating people to appease it is very tempting! so into the tomblair you go ⛹🏻♀️ and to your great#luck the great demon you sought out welcomes you in (unnoticed red flag) and promises to cure you (🚩🚩🚩)#but who would have thought the Cure would be becoming his puppet forever!!! wtf!#at least the pain is gone 🤨 most of your consciousness is too but. hey 🤷🏻♀️#this song and dance goes on for 7 years until your baby sister who you unwillingly abandoned comes and kills you whilst trying to figure out#wtf happened to you. man!!!!!#he is the unluckiest man in the world#sriracha.txt#fortuna presequel
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how do i stop my internalized homophobia?
Ngl anon, it's less stopping it and more talking over it. If you were raised in a strict, homophobic environment, that little voice is still going to be there cause it was a part of your development. So you shout over it instead with new data
"Being gay is a sin" okay I hear you but my friends are gay and I can't really see them as sinful people
"You're broken/wrong/living in sin" okay speak your truth bestie but I'm happier living my life authentically so I'm okay being wrong for now
"You're going to Hell" cool cool but what about now? Am I happy right now? Am I living this life in a way that benefits me now? I'm focusing on this life, not a potential afterlife
I'm very STEM-oriented so my therapist and I refer to it as "Plotting new data points" You kinda just have to listen to the internalized homophobia, say okay okay I hear you but have you considered this new data point that suggest a positive correlation between being openly LGBTQ and my own happiness? Yea I know this was regarded as a sin before but statistically speaking the chances of it actually being sin are insignificant. Yea it doesn't even have a 95% confidence interval. Loving who I am seems to have a positive outcome though but I'll need more positive queer experiences to be certain
#I don't know if this makes sense#It took a long time to realize but you kinda gotta put the cart before the horse so to speak#you gotta do the thing and pretend like it isn't terrifying before it becomes less terrifying#And I don't mean you have to come out or go to pride or have gay sex#I mean like. Saying in your brain I Am Gay#and noting the fact that you didn't get smitted by Jesus or brain exploded by the Lord#You take in new data#and the old data never goes away. it would be considered altering your research then#but as you continue to get new data it starts to lose its power#it becomes less statistically significant#Until it eventually doesn't bother you like it use to#I won't pretend like my internalized homophobia is gone#internalized transphobia too despite me potentially getting top surgery soon#but each day is a new day for research#it's still there#and each experience adds another data point#good luck anon#anon tag
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I need life to slow the fuck down bc my skin is starting to hurt real bad from all this picking :/
#marquilla#i need a healthy coping mechanism but nothing hits like self destruction dgdgdghddg#my brain is hard wired from genetics to pick at my skin and hair on both sides 😭 i was doomed from the start#i do try to not do it btw im not like oh well guess theres no options! like no i know but i need a foolproof one#or for life to fucking chill#every four years i become an over plucked chicken for 10 months and think ab pulling my head hair out bc yall are driving me up the wall#i got into a fight in 2016 ab the election and i nearly started punching... like i had to hit the bed instead bc im like god i cant hurt#them but GOD DO I FEEL THE NEED TO TO GET YOU TO GET IT#i think i like plucked DEEP that day just taking my anger and frustration out bc good lord#like how can you be like hmm well im gonna vote for this guy bc fuck poor people. i work retail and so i see people abusing ebt a lot#therefore it makes me mad and i wanna stop it.#like you only notice the 'fraud' and misuse/bad choices people make bc thats negative in your mind so#your brain holds onto it. youre not noticing the poor people who are just minding their business using ebt and feeding their family#ive gotten through to them at least a little ab how fraud is less than 1% and that the fraud is usually selling stamps for cash for diapers#and shit and that it's people sharing cards bc they need to pool their funds to feed their families#that the people you see stealing or buying expensive ass meats on ebt are not the majority and if they wanna waste their limited funds each#month like that then thats a them problem. mind your business.#anyway im fucking like deteriorating sggdgdggd
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