#becauseitis
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i’ve started babysitting for a VERY christian family which is great because they pay me a lot of money but as someone who was raised almost completely agnostic it’s kind of insane. the 2 year old keeps asking me to read her stories from the bible. (why are we reading david and goliath to a 2 year old????) the 5 year old told me today that he was going to bring his legos to heaven with him. he also has repeatedly told me that the lego spaceships he builds are stronger than jesus. (not sure what to say to that. do i deny it??? are things allowed to be stronger than jesus??) had to stop myself mid sentence today because i almost told them im not going to heaven which would DEFINITELY have caused several meltdowns. they’re also both completely fascinated by my nose ring
#i also had to tell them no today because mom said no tv and they DESPERATELY wanted to watch a 4-dvd set of recorded sermons#religious children are terrifying. i do get sundays off tho so#personal
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stuck between "psychological horror statement" and "objectively the funniest thing you could say to your real flesh and blood dad" in the father's day card aisle
#🐉#im not gonna send either of them to my dad because i value my peace and safety but i really was tempted by the second one#'why do you have to send a card to your dad i thought you hated that guy' well the thing is one time i forgot#when i was like. ten. and his reaction was not something i ever want to relive.
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You guys should read thepromised neverland
#This post is about them now#Pretending all of these notes are people reblogging because they love my friends ray and don <3#Hall of fame
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speculative fiction writers i am going to give you a really urgent piece of advice: don't say numbers. don't give your readers any numbers. how heavy is the sword? lots. how old is that city? plenty. how big is the fort? massive. how fast is the spaceship? not very, it's secondhand.
the minute you say a number your readers can check your math and you cannot do math better than your most autistic critic. i guarantee. don't let your readers do any math. when did something happen? awhile ago. how many bullets can that gun fire? trick question, it shoots lasers, and it shoots em HARD.
you are lying to people for fun. if you let them do math at you the lie collapses and it's no fun anymore.
#there are things that are true mathematically#and things that are true because the guy writing the book says so#you do not want to mix up these truths
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"This fic was ai generated—" Cool, so lemme block you real quick
#the ethics are whack but more importantly you didn't even want to write it?? who is it even for?? not you? not me?#you didn't even have enough interest in the premise to take a crack at it?? then who cares?#please don't populate in my search results I'm looking for things that people wrote because they liked something#ao3
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I was walking on a rather remote beach when I came upon this Whip eel drying up in the sun. These are intertidal eels that can actually handle themselves out of water for a bit, but it’s not normal for them to be fully exposed in direct sunlight like this. The tide was at least six hours from coming in and I felt like this eel was in distress, so I made the decision to dig him out and return to the ocean. His body was too delicate to be simply pulled from the hole without injury, so I got to digging.
This endeavor took about 40 minutes as the eel was quite long and difficult to excavate. Also had to continually refill my temporary eel pond to keep him from drying out entirely while I worked.
If you are an eel aficionado like myself, please enjoy this silly little video of the relocation process set to some jaunty royalty-free disco music.
#had to put this to music because my pants of exertion while digging intercut with noises of distress would be very off putting#whip eel#eels
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pls rb if you think cuddling doesn't have to be s3xual
im tryna prove a point to my bf's mother help me out
#like im asexual its def not gonna be like that for me#but she still thinks it is soo#but like. cuddling can totally be platonic there doesnt gotta be such a fuss abt it 😭#i get her pov but c'mon#asexual#aromantic#<- for reach#edit: ...its censored because i want to btw#like. ik im in the horniest social media but i wanna censor it so i do#ik i wont get shadowbanned like in tiktok lmao#im not even in tiktok......😭#so yup i censored it for my own comfort 💯 hope this answered your questions pls shut up now lmaooo
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the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.
if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.
#someone send this to my english teacher because vocab tests are hard#writing memes#reading#writers#writers of tumblr#writers of instagram#writing#writer#reader#writer memes#readers of tumblr
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#oh my god?????#txt#STOP FOLLOWING US!!! WE DONT POST LIKE THIS. WE POST JFK RPF#'blah hah hah and everyone clapped' don't you want to live in a world of beauty? with us?#‘why can’t i reblog this?’ Because trads started going He dodged a bullet in our notifications
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we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies
#txt#hello tumblr user#you're probably looking back here to see if this was an ace attorney post#i purposely did not tag it because i knew it would find it's people
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in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off
EDIT: reblogs are STAYING OFF. op was right and correct and i have never regretted making a post as much as this one. if you want to reblog my art you can reblog something else from my blog. or commission me, lord knows i deserve financial compensation for the nightmare this post has put me through
#art#i had to block multiple people because of this post and i easily could have blocked more#do you guys have any idea how exhausting it is to hear 400 people make the exact same unfunny joke each thinking they're being original#or worry that another person might get harassed over a post i made because of the way people are talking about them#or be harassed/insulted YOURSELF because some people don't know how to fucking behave#you guys don't get reblogs back. you should be grateful i'm leaving the post up at all.
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Knowledge Revenge.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#senshi#Somewhat of an unofficial sequel to the Dragon Comic. I promise I have more versatility in my jokes. I just had to take this opportunity.#Senshi is pretty much a recluse. I think he would know a few of these 'gottems' but not all.#Chilchuck would know gottems that are nearly lost to time. The deep cuts. The ones that you fall for because they are that obscure.#I would also like to take a moment to confess that after the last comic in which I posed a gottem -#I fell victim to a Mind Goblin Attack. I was thoroughly got. I will be on higher alert this time.#So NOBODY be funny in the tags. I am gullible and I like to share things with my friends. Who are *ruthless*.#I have a mild resistance to Vicious Mockery at this point but I can only take so much.#Happy Thistle Thursday Everyone! See you next week!
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moments right before daisuke saves the day and gets all the love and praise he deserves and rescue comes just in time and everyone lives forever the end
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing fanart#myart#digital art#im sso normal about this game every day i get a little more normal and well-adjusted because of it
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people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.
#missed out on a whole year I could have skated at my local roller rink because I didn't want to go alone#and now it's closed and I won't ever get that year back. sometimes you gotta do it alone if you want to do something
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I'm always entertained by people doing those "canon VS fanon" memes where both are misunderstanding characters to such a violent degree 'cause like
#sp-rambles#“Canon is when they do not cry nor have emotions whatsoever and fanon is when they sob 24/7”#Like idk buddy I think it Depends#Edit: Since this is getting moderately popular#Yes this was made about Sans but also for TF2#You don't know the hell that is the TF2 fandom and how they treat these characters lol#Because how the hell do you misinterpret such simplistic characters who have like 2 or 3 personality traits each
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