#because your own life is so meaningless and empty

[snoweylily]

sooo… you just don't know that modern-day fanfiction was invented by a woman during the 1960s so she could ship a gay couple, huh?

[joonieskinks]

Simon Riley who truly believes he’s never been happier than with you.

You met through a mutual friend on a night out, and spent the entire time getting to know one another. It was when you asked him out for the next night did he quite literally think about going to buy a ring already.

Simon Riley who never thought he would be the commitment or marriage type. Particularly because of his choice in career, they don’t go hand-in-hand. But for you, he’d do whatever he had to in order to keep you.

Four months later, he was having a talk with Price about time away to plan his wedding because you had said yes.

One year later and he was asking about a formal leave to be there for his pregnant wife and soon-to-be family.

Simon Riley who takes his vows so seriously. That ring on his finger keeps him grounded and is one of the only things that still gives him hope in this life.

He’s the best husband and will do anything for the love of his life. He’s just thankful he got to meet you and has the privilege of being yours.

Simon Riley who doesn’t recover when he finds out you passed unexpectedly while he was away.

He had never considered this could be his life. Never could have even fathomed. A married man still in his prime- now a widower, childless and utterly alone.

Simon Riley who throws himself into his work, who can’t bear a single moment to think about you, his family, the perfect life that could have been.

Blames himself for not being there to love and help you. Puts himself in the line of fire too many times to count. Some of his men thought it was heroic, but for those who really knew him, they knew what he really meant to do.

Simon Riley who still wears his ring, but can’t bring himself to look at it or even touch it. It’s empty and meaningless without you, but he can’t quite seem to get rid of it.

He thought despite all the bad in his life, he had finally found the one good thing to call his own.

Briefly, he did.

But not forever and always.

[kentopedia]

˚₊‧꒰ა cold embrace (provenance) — fyodor dostoevsky

𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎. you buy a two hundred year old house with a two hundred year old painting hanging above the mantel. it's not the only thing the previous owner left behind.

𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈. ghost!fyodor, f!reader, violence, angst, death, alternate / modern universe, no smut but it is suggestive, fyodor is kind of a pervy ghost so, wc: 6.1k

𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈. this one has two titles bc it was supposed to be for my kinktober... never finished it. embarrassing ! but here is a semi-revamped version for this series! i can finally check it off my wips page <3 idk how i feel about it but i hope you enjoy

part of my summerween series !

A chime from the grandfather clock brings Fyodor out of his stupor, the sound signaling another day, another meaningless hour that will only continue his eternal misery. He’s grown used to it now—evening after evening of emptiness, of reading nothing but the same books, playing the same pieces of dull sheet music, and the lifeless chess matches against himself. The house is cold with only his presence, dusty without a housekeeper and a life to make it a home.

There are a million things in Fyodor’s life that he must have done to deserve this misery, but he can’t pinpoint which one solidified his reward of a lamentable, endless cycle.

He’s certain hell is better than this. It’s something he wishes for every day, if only to have an eternal companion with the devil, a challenge to overcome.

Though, even with this boredom, Fyodor refuses to let anyone live in his home. They’ll only serve to be another pain, something that would, surely, push him past the brink of sanity.

The centuries old décor will get replaced with gaudy twenty-first century items, ones that will be nothing more than an eyesore. There are a few already scattered around his home from previous tenants, but only things that he believed useful enough for him to keep; a few books from authors he didn’t live to read, a television from the nineties, a computer that he watched one couple scroll on before he murdered them in cold blood.

Perhaps he is two hundred years dead and gone, but he refuses to be an ignorant ghost, one that is unaware of anything beyond these four walls, caught forever in the past.

Although now, it’s been a while since anyone’s tried to move in, and he’s certain the only reason the house hasn’t been torn down is because its preserved nicely, an eighteenth-century home that has withstood the test of time.

Fyodor, in his lowest moments, wishes they would tear it down. Maybe then, and only then, can he be set free. Or maybe, he’s forever trapped in this exhaustive lot, doomed to decay, even when there’s nothing left of the foundations but soil.

He pushes a pawn forward on the board, putting himself in checkmate for the millionth time in a row. It’s been so long that he’s used to his own tricks. Even the computer, which he’d come to understand quickly, is no match for him. It’s far too exhaustive to play against a machine that utilizes an algorithm he can so easily decipher.

Out of nowhere, the front door unlocks, and Fyodor glances over at the sound, dark hair falling over his eyes. Seconds later, he notices an older realtor with a clipboard leading you around, a woman he’s never seen, dressed up nicely with a darker shade of lipstick smeared across your mouth.

He’s been through this before. It’s a miracle the realtor hasn’t given up on this house yet, a mansion she is determined to sell despite the endless horrors that have been committed by his hand.

“Here it is,” she says, nervous, gesturing around the expansive hall, the crystal chandelier and staircase that immediately follows. “It was built in 1731, but one of the owners remolded it in the style of the mid-nineteenth century. The structure has been stabilized; it’s safe… enough.”

The two of you chat, but he doesn’t bother to listen in. It’s all questions of: when can I move in? can we negotiate? — things you will come to regret once he sets his sights on killing you.

Then, the realtor is sighing, wringing her hands together as she watches you spin around the house in awe. It’s clear that you’re impressed by the layout, the rich furniture and colors that have been used.

That, at least, satisfies Fyodor. Everyone else who has moved in was looking to upgrade it to a modern style, rid the place of its aged grace and charm.

“I’m truly sorry,” she says, brushing curly hair away from her cheekbones. “But I am legally obligated to tell you that every person who has lived here before has suffered a terrible, terrible fate. There have been gruesome murders that cannot be explained, done in ways that I don’t even want to tell you about.”

You laugh, eyeing her with skepticism. “Are you telling me it’s haunted?”

The realtor shrugs. “That’s what people say.”

“I don’t believe in ghosts,” you answer, and Fyodor rolls his eyes, scoffing as he floats to the second floor, unable to listen into the unreasonable conversation anymore. It’s been the same story for decades. No one believes in ghosts, but it is always a ghost that kills them.

He returns to the chess board, irritated, though unable to consider the game any further. Your face is stuck in his mind. For some reason, he can’t remember the last time he’s ever seen anyone with such beauty.

Fyodor stops; your ageless elegance doesn’t matter—it can’t, and it won’t. You’ll be dead by the end of the month, when you gather all your things and invade the bedroom that was once his own. Even if you are beautiful, you are a nuisance, a threat to Fyodor’s eternal torment and quiet existence.

Still, he can’t help but wonder if it would be nice to have something other than his own thoughts to distract him from the endless misery.

You move in on the thirteenth of June, nothing more than a few boxes and a decade old car to keep you company. He guesses you’ve traveled a long distance to get here, and you’ve gotten rid of half of your life in the process.

A good thing for him. That means things can be over relatively quickly, and all your belongings can be disposed of easily after he kills you.

You spend the entire first day unpacking, and Fyodor waits patiently, allows you time to get comfortable in his home. He watches as you bring a stack of thick novels into the waiting room, which once boasted large parties, and place them on a shelf below those that have his name within the covers.

You take a few calls as you hang up your autumn coats, ones that won’t be needed for a few months. The voice on the other line sounds frantic, worried. A local, most likely. You only seem annoyed by his continuous string of anxieties.

When the sun sets, and you grow tired, you rub your eyes and head to bed. The first night you will spend in this place that Fyodor likens to Hell.

It’s the time he’s been waiting for—a moment to catch you off guard. You are so unsuspecting, already so at home in the mansion, that you have no fear of anything hurting you in the middle of the night.

While you get ready for bed, Fyodor slips into your room, observing the pieces of your life that have conquered his bedroom. A soft classical piece plays from your phone, one that he recognizes from his mortal life. Clearly, you are fascinated by the period he once lived in. A shame, really, he won’t be able to tell you more about it.

You leave the bathroom, come back towards him to change into a pair of small shorts, a large shirt hanging over your frame.

He’s forgotten how long it’s been since he’s seen a woman, how long since he’s touched one.

Fyodor finds himself distracted by your body, the smoothness of your skin. His eyes travel over your legs, your hips, the fullness of your breasts and ignores how much he desires to let his thumb graze over your flesh. There is something so soft about you, so gentle and innocent.

Perhaps, that is where his fascination stems from: he has always been the opposite. Even in his human existence, Fyodor was not a kind man, and he doesn’t plan on becoming one now that he is dead.

He shakes away the vision, the thoughts that swirl within his mind. It has been far too long since he has experienced any sort of pleasure, and maybe even a man as cold as himself is not immune to the desires that course within his veins.

Though he tries to be. He ignores his arousal desperately in exchange for a renewed bloodlust.

You climb into bed, put your phone on the white cord, and shut your eyes. Thirty minutes later, you’re sleeping soundly, soft puffs of air leaving your lips as you sleep.

It’s the opportune moment. The silver knife gleams brightly in his hand, streaks of moonlight tracing over the slanted point. It’s the same blade he’s killed every other new tenant with, their screams still echo in the halls like a harmonious melody each time he bring the knife down on another unknowing victim.

He stands before you at the side of the bed, watches as your chest rises and falls, the evidence of your life undeniable. You are a lovely image like this, something to be painted and adored; more beautiful than many of the women he’d met in his time, even those who were of the finest elite in the country.

Fyodor presses the blade to your throat, contemplative. He considers how much lovelier you will look with the scarlet stain of blood seeping down your neck, spraying across the room and ruining the fresh sheets. Will you awaken, gasping as you claw at your throat, or will you drift away without even understanding what has become of you?

He pictures it, and digs the blade close to your throat, nothing more than a pinprick of blood flowering there.

You don’t awaken; but you a little sound leaves you, something between a gasp and a moan, and you shift away from the knife gripped between his pale fingers. It’s a sound that has him pausing, musing, as he regards your vulnerable state, a beautiful figure there with no clue that such a murderous man is also a resident in her home.

You make another one of those pretty noises in your throat, and Fyodor, against two centuries of murderous intent, pulls the knife away. He watches as you roll on your stomach, your shirt scrunching, moving up your body to reveal the undersides of your breasts. Your hand shifts towards him on the bed, reaching in his direction, before you still. Then, your breathing is back to normal, evened out completely.

Your lips part blissfully as you sigh in your sleep.

He can’t stop looking at you, can’t stop wondering what his name would sound like leaving the perfect swell of your mouth, if you’d sound just as pretty when you orgasm as you do when you’re asleep.

Surely, he can find a better use for you—it would be a shame for such a pretty thing to go out so early.

As he draws back, Fyodor notices the chess board on the side table, the pieces arranged nicely, each on the correct square. He can’t tell if you play. You could just have it for decoration, or perhaps it was a gift given to you from a lover that he hasn’t seen pictures of, the one that he’s certain someone as lovely as you must have.

The board is aged; not as old as the one in the drawing room, but a nice set, nonetheless. Fyodor glances back at your sleeping form once more, smiles coolly to himself, and shifts a pawn forward.

The chess piece is the first thing you notice in the morning.

It’s almost ridiculous how easily it catches your eye, a tiny little movement within the chaos that was your brand-new room. A pawn is on a different square, leering at you from the other wall, as if smiling, a flashing sign above its head, calling to you, hoping you’ll pay attention.

You almost think nothing of it; things can move, can’t they? Perhaps there was a shift in the earth overnight… Though, that makes little sense when you think about it rationally.

It’s strange, that much is certain. You remember the realtor telling you about the ghosts, and though you aren’t inclined to believe in haunted houses and scary stories, you find a part of yourself questioning the logic of the chess piece.

You are certain it was on the correct square before you slept.

It’s the only thing on your mind as you get ready, suffer through a tasteless breakfast, and throw on a rain jacket to combat the dreary weather. You’re meeting a friend for lunch—the only friend you have in this town. Sigma is the sole reason you decided to move here, instead of the other arbitrary cities that you’d been desperate to escape to.

Still, the board won’t leave your mind. You take one last glance at it before, on a whim, pushing the opposite color pawn forward as well.

Then you leave, hoping that a conversation with your friend will take your mind off the strangeness of that happenstance, the anxiety you feel about moving to a new place, a new job where no one knows you, a home that stays cold, despite the heat that reigns with long summers.

The walk to the cafe is short, but with the wind and the drizzling rain, you are miserable, your hands wrinkling from the dampness, even within your pockets.

Sigma is waiting for you, his lavender and white hair loose over his shoulders as he peruses the menu, eyes darting across it like he’s never read it before.

You sit, offer him a greeting, and though your conversation is cordial, the two of you catching up on your day, you eventually ask the question you’ve been dying to know.

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

Sigma stops, puts the utensil back down on his plate, and regards you with a thin frown. “Did something happen?”

You think of the chess piece, wonder if another will be moved when you get home. “No, but—”

“I told you not to move into that house,” he says, eyes narrowing. Sigma refuses to step into that mansion, grows anxious every time you mention it. “Over ten people have died there. Do you want to get murdered?”

“No particularly,” you say, staring at him flatly, your mouth pulling into a line. “But I’ve made it one night already. I’ll be fine.”

A hard laugh leaves him, as he shakes his head, unamused by your cheekiness. “That’s what they all say, isn’t it? Then they all die.”

“Very dramatic.” You take a long sip of your water. Sigma’s features don’t crack in the slightest as he stares at you, waiting for you to continue. “I’m not scared. I just want to know if you believe in ghosts or not… Because I don’t.”

Sigma’s eyes flit across your face, searching for any hint of a lie, for any signs of fear. When he finds none, his hands stretch across the table, lacing them together as he glares. “Whether you believe in ghosts or not doesn’t matter. There’s something evil about that house, and you’re putting yourself in danger by living there.”

The conversation with Sigma weighs on your mind for hours after, when you return home, still thinking about the chess board. It was just as you’d left it, two pawns moved forward, staring each other down menacingly. Nothing out of the ordinary.

You sigh and finally put it out of your mind. It was just a coincidence, that’s all. The piece was probably on the wrong square all along, and you’d been too tired last night to notice it.

Instead, you focus your sights on unpacking, and contemplate what to do with the portrait hanging above the mantel.

It’s a dusty old thing, one that the previous owners had, for some reason, never taken down. It had hung over the mantel for centuries, the corners faded from the sun, but the sinister grin of the subject never losing its effect.

You tilt your head, stare at it from a different angle. Looking at it that way, you could, perhaps, see why the painting appealed to them. It’s old, with a style from a different century, and the man composed of deep shadows and pale colors is undeniably handsome. He seems out of place in the portrait, trapped there, too otherworldly to be captured on such a canvas. His features are sharp, molded out of something tougher than diamonds, something more beautiful than this plane is able to comprehend. His deep eyes seem to know all as they stare at you, trace you across the room.

For minutes, you are hypnotized, before a wave of disgust washes over you, and you turn away, unable to look at it any longer. You’ll sell it, you decide. Maybe it will be worth a pretty penny.

That evening, you decide to look into it, but the search into a local art dealer doesn’t get far. When you sit down at your laptop, beginning to type your question into the browser, the lid shuts on your fingertips.

It takes a moment for you to register what had happened. A faint sting dances along the back of your hands, your knuckles tender as you lift the lid back up. Lines bounce along the screen, as if the imprint of your hand had made its way into the pixels, matching the pulse of your nerves.

You curse lowly, hoping that a reset will fix the issue.

The lid had just fallen, nothing serious. It was a newer model, but those things could happen. Issues with the manufacturing, with the way it was assembled. Technology fails you all the time.

You hold the power button, irritated, and upset, when a horrible, screeching noise echoes from the computer. Nothing but a shrill scream, the speakers begging you for help. You slam it shut once more, and the noise stops, but your heartbeat doesn’t slow down.

Shit.

Tomorrow, you’ll have to take it in, and see if anyone can discern the issues. It’s not ideal, but there’s so many things to still need to do, and a broken laptop makes those things very difficult.

You sigh, pushing the chair back into the table. The portrait looms above you as you retreat back to your room, hands shaking. It’s irrational, you know it is, but you swear his eyes follow you all the way up the stairs.

It doesn’t take long for you to start believing in the ghost that is haunting your manor, the one who has let you live for a week and who plays a new game of chess every time your back is turned. Whoever it is, they are much better than you; so far, you’ve lost twice—haven’t even gotten close to winning.

He hides things from you, items that you are needing for the next day, papers that you can’t submit to work on time because the important files have been stashed away.

You find your books opened to paragraphs the ghost seemingly finds interesting, your sheet music scattered in a mess when you return. The candles get blown out unexpectedly, and doors slam when you’re not suspecting it.

If he’s trying to scare you—it isn’t working. You remain in the house, sometimes talking to him like he’s a friend, whispering amongst the walls that know all of the secrets in your home.

You stop at the library on your free weekend, flipping through a dusty copy of the local legends, only stopping when you find your home. There’s a copy of the painting there—your painting, the one that still hangs above your mantel, despite your better judgment.

Beside it, there’s a painting of your home, done when the house was first built. The outside of it is a differently color entirely, the garden in front blooming with pink and yellow flowers. It looks cheerful; the home of a warm and loving family, inviting and kind to each of the neighborhood children. Nothing like the dark manor it is today, with a dead garden in the front and shutters that keep even an ounce of light out.

You read the pages proceeding the painting. The first owner had been a kind man, but the next were not such. After the original owner lost his wealth, he sold the house, passed it to a line of greedy men, ones that were focused only on their money. For a century, it went on this way—until a man named Fyodor Dostoevsky purchased the home for twice as much as it once was.

He was the one who changed it, renovated it, upgraded it to his own personal style, ensuring that it fit in with the times and his own opinions of luxury. Fyodor was charming, but ruthless, deadly with his own intelligence, owning half the town as they lost their money to his schemes.

Fyodor’s rein came to an end when he was poisoned by his closest friend, perhaps the one man he had trusted. It was the first murder in a string of ones to follow within the house.

You close the book, unsure if you regret the knowledge you’d gained or not.

The house feels colder now that you know the history of it. As if you can see the cruelty etched into every wall. Colors of the home bleed into each other, a pastel yellow of warmth and light, and the next room empty, almost uninhabitable, with its royal purples.

You stare at the portrait as you make dinner, feeling like you can never escape the gaze of those oil painted eyes. He has a name now—Fyodor. It feels even more disarming now that you know more about him than he’ll ever know about you.

And though Fyodor watches you, every night, from every angle, you convince yourself it’s just the way that the painting is situated. It would be foolish to think that he’s really watching every move you make, irises pinned on your form, unblinking.

The oven heats up behind you as you cut up your food, humming a soft tune to yourself. It’s getting hotter outside – you’d almost forgotten how miserable the summers could be. You forget every year, even though you’ve lived many.

Just as you’re getting lost in your thoughts, going through a list of things that need to get done in your fixer-upper home, you hear a scratch behind you.

It’s a quick sound, so quick that you almost think it was only your imagination. It’s enough to give you pause, your humming fading out into the night as your eyes dart around your house. Although you’ve tried not to let urban legends get the best of you, you’re paranoid in this aged mansion now.

A few seconds pass. You listen to the sound of your own heartrate, feel it pounding in your chest as you will it to calm down. It’s just enough time for you to convince yourself that it was nothing, that you’re far too nervous about silly ghosts to think rationally.

Though as you turn, a knife flies from the counter, just grazing your cheek, but enough to cause a scratch to open up against the skin. Your finger draws away scarlet as you press it to the wound, staring at the painted crevices of your fingertip.

You can’t move. Despite every cell in your body begging, screaming at you to move, you’re frozen, trapped in the four walls of that kitchen as you stare at your bloodied hand.

It’s all a dream, you repeat to yourself. A dream.

One that you don’t wake up from.

Time passes strangely, when every muscle in your body is on edge, your head pounding from the anxiety that spikes throughout your nervous system. A bead of sweat drips from your temple, and though you aren’t sure how long you stand there, nothing else happens. The knife remains lodged in the wall behind you, and the ghost makes no other attempt to lodge one into your stomach.

It’s quiet. There’s no noise, save for the music that plays softly from your phone.

After you regain control of your racing heartrate, you realize that the song playing isn’t what you’d put on originally. It had switched to a gentle, classical piece. Tchaikovsky, you think… or something similar. Something that a man from a different era would be familiar with.

“Who’s there?” You find yourself saying, perhaps stupidly. “What do you want?”

There’s no response – of course there isn’t. You’re talking to the air. To a ghost. No one had gotten inside the house. You’d checked more than enough times, just as you always did.

“I live here now,” you offer, thinking that, perhaps anger is not the best course of action. Neither is fear, though, if the scary movies you’d watched as a teenager had been any indication. “But I’ll leave, if you want me to.”

There’s no answer to that either.

You sigh, and deflate once more, trying to make yourself believe that there was a logical explanation to knives flying and playlists changing. Just as you’d made yourself believe that everything the “ghost” had done before was just a game, innocently played.

Perhaps, there was never a ghost at all. It could be that stress is driving you to insanity.

With a glass of wine in your hand, you finish up dinner, feeling like you are at your wit’s end. How is it that only a few weeks in this house has already singed your mind, turned you into a believer of things that you are not?

The portrait feels like an omen, staring at you with violet eyes, as you wonder where Fyodor is now. Does he watch you when your home, cooking, as you shower, a vicious gaze tracing over each curve of your body, with a sickening thought of all the things he wishes to do to you?

You shiver. It’ s been a while since anyone’s looked at you with a hint of desire. The feeling has become foreign, now, but you can still recall the gratification that comes with being wanted, how it makes you feel, if only for a moment, comfortable in your own skin.

That thought alone quickly snaps you out of your irrational behavior. Thinking of a ghost wanting you? A man that had been buried in the earth for so long that his body would be nothing more than bones?

This house was making you sick, you concluded, wrapping your leftovers up in plastic and tinfoil, placing them in the fridge. Your nervous friend was right – you never should’ve moved into this house, and you never should have stayed this long.

Your hands shook along the banister, heart racing around every corner. You expected that, maybe, you would see a dark-haired spirit there, his body translucent, but still corporeal. Though, there was no spirit hiding within the depths of the shadows, lurking in the places where he still belonged. No sounds startled you, caused you to jump as you brushed your teeth, completed the one last routine of your day.

The bed was colder than usual as you climbed into it, like a flush of a cold spot had settled within the sheets. You remembered what they said about temperatures and ghosts—how they changed, nothing able to survive in the places that they haunted, as they were not of this world, but something in between, something unnatural.

Your lamp flickers as you turn it on, and it’s just one more red flag you choose to ignore. In houses as old as this one, there are issues like that. The wiring is faulty, the electric needs to be monitored, a laundry list of items you will probably never resolve.

There are a thousand rational conclusions, though, and only one irrational one, which puts your mind at ease. Things like flickering lamps and cold spots can be explained simply, even if knives flying at your face cannot.

Still, you settle into bed, deciding that you will talk to the realtor again soon. You’ll move in with Sigma if he’ll have you. Anything to put your mind at ease for good.

That night, you dream of Fyodor, as if he is there right in the room with you, looming above you with those deep, violent eyes. His fingers, long and pale, trace across your cheekbones, as your eyes flutter open, consciousness coming back to you.

He says your name – it’s no surprise he knows it, after living with you for so long. It’s spoken softly, with a hint of possession behind it, like you belong to him. And yet, you’ve never said a word to him, even if all this time, he’s gotten to know you better than anyone else ever has.

You expect a scream to leave your throat, some hint of surprise, of fear, even, to see a stranger in your bedroom. To see him watching you with those familiar eyes, hair falling over his pale forehead as he gazes down at you from the edge of the bed.

No sound emerges.

Your mind feels a little fuzzy, hazy at the edges as you blink at him, closer to a state of intoxication, than you are alertness. Despite that awareness, you can’t seem to snap out of it; maybe you don’t want to. Instead, you sink deeper into the warmth, the honeyed feeling that comes with turning off your rationality. Everything feels as if it’s coming through in blurred, rosy glasses.

“Fyodor,” you mouth, instead of the scream that you’d anticipated, his name coming out in two wistful syllables.

You should hate him – there’s something in your instincts pushing back at you. A flash of a knife, the days of chaos and uncertainty, where you were sure you were losing your mind, come back at you.

But none of that seems to matter now, as you trace your finger across his cheek, feeling the sharp indent below the high bone. His eyelashes are a shade lighter than his hair, soft as they flutter over his forehead. The portrait of him didn’t do him justice… or perhaps, it is in death that he has found his purest form.

“I’m too tired.”

You’re not sure where those words even come from. Calm, like this is nothing but routine, and waking up with Fyodor beside you is the closest thing to normalcy.

He smiles at you, leaning over you again on the bed, lips pulled tightly together in a morbid grin. It does little to sour your mood, to scare you into action, even if you can’t quite understand why.

“I know,” he replies.

It’s the first time you’ve heard him speak, a deep, accented sound smoothing against your ears as he traces his gaze against each of your features; musical, almost. His voice calms you, lulls you back into a meditative state.

You reach for him, in a trance, and twirl a strand of his hair between your finger, just to see if he’d let you. After the hell you’d been through the past week, well – was it really that miserable? He seems content to watch over you, observe the gentle movements of his dark hair coiled up around your pointer finger.

“Why are you here?” you ask, your voice softer than a whisper, carried away by the wind until it never existed at all.

Fyodor never disappears from your line of sight, even when you try to blink, to close your eyes. He’s there, gazing at you with a lustful fondness, one that’s dangerous, perhaps even malicious. If it’s a dream, it sure feels like a vivid one.

“You wanted to leave,” he says, taking your finger away from his face, before bringing it to his lips. The kiss is barely there, and his mouth is cold, chapped, from the brutality of the afterlife. “I couldn’t let you do that.”

“Hm?” You try to sit up. It takes more effort than it should’ve – you’re so relaxed, so weak, that you fall back down, letting yourself sink into the plushness of the pillow. “Why?”

Fyodor releases your hand, before touching his own finger to your mouth. It’s slender, like a piece of ice, gently parting your lips before grazing your chin, hovering over your neck. Then, he drops his touch to your collarbone. He stakes a claim on every inch of your skin, pausing as he reaches your chest, still covered by the blankets.

Your clothing is thin – it wouldn’t take much effort to get his cool hands on your bare skin. But he refrains, still smiling before answering your question, tucking his hands together onto his lap. “It’s been so long.”

It doesn’t make sense, but you can’t muster up the effort to question him, not when he’s contemplating every word, like he’s hesitant to scare you away. You let him think, watch him ponder, as you stare, too exhausted to move a muscle.

“I thought you’d be like all the rest,” he says, taking a seat next to you on the bed, nearly touching your hip. “They were nothing but filth, stains in these halls. It’s a crime for them to ever think that they belonged here. In my home.”

You blink. “It’s my home, too,” you say, suddenly filled with an immense amount of dread. It crawls up your neck, chokes you, and nothing leaves you but garbled sounds, as you panic.

Fyodor doesn’t move – there is no twitch in his features, as he watches you with disguised adoration, a kind you didn’t think a ghost capable of revealing. “Of course it is, darling,” he says, so softly, it could’ve been mistaken for kindness. Fyodor leans down, presses his cold, dead lips to your cheek, a kiss of death. “That’s why I couldn’t let you leave. It’s your home. You belong here.”

“Right,” you breath, steadying yourself, before nodding. “My home.” Once more, you gaze around the room, your eyes flicking over every surface. Things are exactly as you’d left them, nothing out of place. “With you?”

The ghost smiles, and reaches out to you, finally helping you into a seated position. Your neck is so stiff, in pain, and you roll it around, feeling nothing there when you expect shifting bones. “With me,” Fyodor confirms, running his icy fingertips across your throat, tangling them with your hair.

He leans into you, pressing a lingering kiss to your mouth, one that catches you off balance, before you accept it with an eagerness that surprises you further. It doesn’t feel unfamiliar, instead, it’s as if you’re coming home, like the man you’ve never seen until now was always meant to find you.

A thought that should’ve scared you, even though it doesn’t.

Fyodor pulls away, right as you begin to shift forward, maneuver yourself onto his lap. “You should rest,” he replies, keeping you at a distance. “It might take some time to adjust.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” you blink, holding onto his wrist as your gaze shifts from his impossibly dark eyes to the mirror across the room.

There, in the darkness of the evening, shrouded in moonlight, you can see your reflection staring back at you, eyes vacant, lifeless. You expect to see yourself as nothing but exhausted, but when you draw your gaze across the image of yourself, there is blood seeping from your neck, a stream of scarlet. There is thick gash across your throat, slashed so deep that it would’ve killed you instantly.

The expression on your face shifts from one of calm to horror, as you scrape at your neck, trying to clear off the blood that isn’t really there, the permanent wound that will follow you even into your death.

“What did you do?” you scream, tears rolling down your cheeks, even though you can’t feel them, can only see them in the mirror. “What did you do to me?”

Fyodor smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners. Though you fight against him, he takes you into his arms, and you are too weak to fight him off. “I told you,” Fyodor says, shushing you, running his palm over your head as you scream. “I couldn’t let you leave.”

thank you for reading !

[iloveboysinred]

You've been missed [Saturo Gojo]

18+ mdni | Gojo x fem! reader

sypnosis; you and Gojo have a complicated relationship. During the day he would act like he didn't know you existed, then at night he would be in your sheets. He constantly lead you on with promises and sweet lies, but despite knowing your "relationship" wasn't going anywhere, you still answered his late night calls.

cw; situationship, fingering, oral (fem receiving), mirror sex, degradation, riding, back shots, spanking, squirting, anal fingering, just nasty ass sex. written by an amateur smut writer at 2 a.m :') not proofread as much as I'd like. MDNI!!!!!!

4k words and some change

inspired by this song for some reason

masterlist |

You glared down at the thread of messages on your screen— all unanswered; not even read. “Today 12:36 A.M” was the time of the last text you had sent him. Resentment settled in your stomach, turning your phone off and lightly tossing it onto your bed. He always did this. Gojo would ignore your calls, & he would leave your texts unread. Even worse than that, he walked past you everyday like you weren’t even there, sparing you half a glance from under those stupid sunglasses he always wore. You didn’t even know why you tried anymore; worst of all, you didn’t know why every time his notification popped up you would open it and respond at lightning speed. The custom ringtone you had set for him made your heart skip a beat. Gojo had a hold on you that you couldn’t free yourself from. It was sad, the way you answered his every call when he would take his sweet time before responding to yours. You supposed these things only occurred because you allowed them to– basically sending the message that no matter what he did, he would still have exclusive access to you whenever he so wished. 

You hated him for it, but who else could you blame but yourself? He told you from the beginning that your little “situationship” wouldn’t be going further than casual sex. But at the same time he constantly blurred the lines he had set. When he would press soft kisses to your lips, whispering to you about how beautiful you are, telling you that you were made for him; that nobody else was allowed to have you the same way he had you, under him, hips pushed against yours, his forehead brushing against your neck while he emptied himself into you. It was making you feel delirious, the weight of his body pressed so deliciously over yours as he took everything your body had to offer. Then he would remind you of where you stood in his life, when you would wake up and he would be gone, his spot on the bed long abandoned and cold, the only evidence he was ever even there was the mess between your legs and the ache in your body. 

Your phone pinged, the familiar sound of his custom ringtone urging you to pick it up and see what he said, even though you didn't want to. You wanted to leave him on delivered for days like he did you, ignore his calls and act like he didn’t exist. It was petty, but you felt as though it was the only power you really had against him, knowing that he could make you crumble with as little effort as using his hands.

 It was unfair, really, the effect he had on you. He could bend you to his will anyway he wanted, and you would always comply, indulging in the meaningless pleasure he would give you, a piece of you going with him every single time you would wake up to an empty bed. Your heart is growing colder for him every time he leaves your messages delivered, every call unanswered. 

The notification lit up your screen, his contact name and your own curiosity tempting you to open his message quicker than you would’ve liked. You rolled your eyes as the text swirled around your whole screen. He loves using those stupid message effects, you guessed he was trying to be playful. Maybe buttering you up by playing on your feelings of fondness he knew you had for him. “Hey pretty, what are you up to tonight?” your stomach fluttered at the pet name, swallowing down  the irritation you also felt at him ignoring your previous string of messages. You typed out a response, “Nothing.” It was purposely curt. Trying to at least somewhat convey that you were unhappy with him. 

“You mad at me or something?” 

“No, not at all”

“You’re sooooo dry 🙁”

“Oh.”

Text bubbles appeared on your screen for a minute, before disappearing. “Read 3:45 A.M” you sighed, shutting the phone off again and laying down. It was late, and you had to be at Jujutsu tech early tomorrow, already tired of Gojo’s antics. Right when you started to doze off your phone pinged again. Groggily you picked it up, clicking it on. Already knowing who it was. “Unlock the door pleeeeease 🙂” you stared at the message for a second, blinking the sleep from your eyes. You didn’t move, hoping he would just go away and think you were asleep, but then you heard rapid knocks at your door, and you reluctantly got up,not wanting your neighbors to be disturbed by Gojo’s childishness. Cracking open the door you glared at him, your irritation growing at the stupid grin on his face, your sleep deprivation not making it any better. 

 “Heyyyy y/n” he pushed past your door, allowing himself in. He took a moment to look you over, your satin robe hugging your body perfectly. The top sagged down your shoulder, the stretch of skin leading to your chest making his eyes wander. Your nipples perked under the thin fabric and he couldn’t help but run the tip of tongue along his bottom lip. You just look so appetizing.

 “What do you want, Gojo?” He leaned towards you, leaving just a few meters of space between you. He searched your face, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Hmm so you are upset” he tilted his sunglasses down, irises locked onto yours now. You said nothing, turning away from him and walking to your kitchen, shaking off the warmth crawling up your spine. You already knew what he was here for, but you weren’t giving in, not tonight.  “Oh come onnnn, pretty girl. You know how busy I can be.” His voice was barely above a purr, and you scurried away, his breath on your nape making you almost drop the glass. “Gojo, back the fuck up!” You snapped, shoving him back by his chest, turning away to hide your warming cheeks. “Back up huh? That’s new.. You must really be pissed” he snickered. You scowled at him. He turned away from you, nonchalantly shoving his hands in his pockets, waltzing out of the kitchen and down the hall to where your room was. He knew your house inside out by now, the many nights he had visited had made it easy for him to memorize every turn. 

He smiled at you when you followed in. Not even bothering to look at him, you turned on a lamp, the dim light illuminating the look of irritation on your face. “Gojo, it’s late. I don’t know why you’re here, but I think you should go.” You wanted to punch him, the cocky bastard had already begun to take off his outer layers, getting comfortable in his designated spot on your bed. He didn’t say anything, instead opting to watch you walk around the room. You stopped in front of him, your arms still crossed over your chest stubbornly.

“Hello! don't you hear me talking to you? I said leave” you tried to conceal the waiver in your voice. It was hard to pretend that you had such resolve, especially when he looked so tempting. He was stretched out on your bed, a plain black t-shirt hanging off his lean body. His eyes were partially covered by his hair, brilliant blue standing out against the white. He smiled when he caught your stare, slowly standing up. Your breath caught in your throat as he walked over to you, his tall frame taking up your line of sight. He backed you up into the full body mirror you had in your room, leaned idly against the wall. You felt it shift backwards. Gojo’s body caging yours, blocking any means of escape. He stared right into your eyes, searching your face. “Is that what you really want?” His voice was warm, almost a hushed whisper. “Tell me you really want me to go, and I'll leave right now.”

 Your breath hitched, the proximity making you nervous; warmth starting to swarm in your core. You loathed the way your heart picked up speed. Your words died in your throat, mouth drying when his hand came to caress your face, teasingly leaning forward to brush his lips against yours. “What’s wrong? Cat’s got your tongue?” you shuddered when he pulled away, running his fingers down the fabric of your robe, nudging it aside and dipping his fingertips underneath to caress the warm skin of your breast. “Hmm, I guess you don’t want me to leave after all, huh?” he whispered, pushing the top of your robe open, exposing your skin to the cold air in the room. “Toru..” your voice was a soft murmur, but you knew he could hear the pleading in your voice, that same resolve you tried to keep up crumbling under his very fingertips. “Yeah?” he leaned down, pressing wet kisses down your neck, covering the span of your chest with his lips. You sighed, feeling his warm lips wrap around your nipple, his tongue swirling around the bud, slightly flickering and turning the other with the tips of his fingers. He hummed in satisfaction when your hands found him, grabbing at his hair by the root, pushing his head harder against your chest. 

He knew he had you.

 “We can’t keep doing this.” you muttered, staring up past his head, urging yourself to say what you need to say. “You? Me? We’re not going anywhere. You know this and I know this.” Gojo grunted, leaning up to suck on the skin of your neck. “You don’t talk to me, you act like I don’t exist… then you just show up like nothing happened and we do this. What’s the point?” Gojo pulled you against his body, bringing you away from the mirror. You stared up at him, and he smiled at you, squeezing your sides. 

“Why’s there gotta be a point? Can’t you just have a little fun?” his voice was taunting, making anger course through you. Yet again, he disregarded everything else you said, and it was infuriating. “You’re such an asshole, you know that?” you shoved him away from you, making him stumble for a second, that stupid smirk still on his face. “You just use me, you don’t give a fuck about me- “oh spare me the bullshit y/n” You gaped at him when he cut you off, fists clenching at your sides. “You know as well as I do what this was from the beginning. Stop trying to make it more complicated than it needs to be.” You glared at him, your heart turning to steel at his blatant disregard for your feelings.

He sat down on your bed, leaning his head on his hand and studying you, drinking in your reactions with an amused look on his face. “I’m the strongest sorcerer in Jujutsu society, did you honestly think I have time to worry about  feelings ? don’t be stupid.” His voice was so condescending, it was making you angry. But you didn’t say anything, staring down at the floor. “And who said I didn’t care?” he was standing in front of you again, grabbing your chin and forcing you to meet his gaze. “I care for you just like I care for everyone else. I keep the world safe. Isn’t that enough?” you glared at him with resentment and pain flickering in your eyes. It wasn’t enough. You didn’t want him to care about you the same way he cared about everyone else. You wanted to be special. His words stung your heart in a different way than anything else had. It solidified who you were to him, just another person he needed to protect. Just another weakling he felt somewhat responsible for. It was then you decided to indulge him for the last time, only for tonight you would be weak for him. 

Smashing your lips against his you pushed him backwards, taking him aback with the haste in your movements. But it didn't take him long to recover, grabbing a handful of your ass, kneading the flesh in his hands, pressing you up against his body, deepening the kiss when he shoved his tongue in your mouth, meeting yours. You felt his other hand shift to tangle itself in your hair, grabbing at your scalp, pushing you harder against his lips. Your bodies pressed against each other, the temperature in the room increasing. Panting you pulled away, face flushed and heart beating miles per hour. By now the robe you adorned had basically slid all the way off; your hair a mess and still in Gojo’s grip. He tugged the belt holding your robe together, leaving you completely bare. His eyes drank you in like he’d never seen you before, holding you close to his chest as his hands wandered, gripping your soft skin. Grabbing him by his shoulders you pushed him in the direction of the bed, climbing over his lap, and pressing your bottom to his crotch. His hands settled on your hips while you fumbled with his pants, unbuttoning them and snapping them open, his bulge straining against the fabric of his boxers. 

He shifted his hands to his sides as you went for his shirt next, pulling it off, taking a moment to study his build. Lean and muscular, his milky skin inviting you to mark it up with blooming red. You pressed your lips to his neck, ignoring the deep rumble of amusement in his chest as you sucked marks into his flesh, nipping him less than gently. His hand came up to squeeze your hips, grinding you down lightly against his clothed bulge, grunting at a particularly rough bite you landed just under his adam’s apple. “So needy, aren’t you?” you pulled away, glaring at him. “Shut up for once, Saturo. All you do is talk. Aren’t you tired?” He laughed, pushing you off his lap and onto the bed. Gojo leaned over you, pressing a heated kiss to your lips, his hands coming down to hook under your knees, pulling them apart and upwards, folding you in half against his body; Your dripping pussy open and on display for him. He pressed his crotch against it, your wetness warm and inviting. It left a stain right over the fabric covering his bulge, making him groan, grinding into you. “Stop teasing.” you grunted, bucking your hips up towards his, searching for friction.

“Oh come on, pretty girl..” he purred, reaching down to run his fingers up your slit, catching a few drops of your arousal and spreading them over your clit, rubbing small, lazy circles over it. “Let me take my time with you..” you watched him, eyes half lidded, your legs aching from the uncomfortable position he had you in. “All wet..just for me.” he muttered, his tone conveyed that he was distracted, watching how your folds glistened with your arousal.

He slipped two of his fingers into you, curling them inside; stroking your walls. Moaning quietly you reached down to your chest, rolling your nipples between your fingers, basking in the gentle pleasure he brought you. He pumped his fingers inside of you at a steady pace, the push and pull of his movements making your stomach twist. His finger tips curled up inside of you once more, rapidly stroking at the spongy surface of your g-spot. Your hips arched into his hand, chasing the sensation.

Your legs were numbing, slowly starting to drop in his hold. “Toru, please.” you whined, rolling your hips against his hand again, trying to urge him to go faster. “I know baby… let me just-” he seemed entranced by your body. The sounds of your pussy sucking in his fingers were obscene. He leaned down and swiped a line up your slit with his tongue, moaning at the taste of you. You gasped, clenching your teeth and shutting your eyes tight when he placed his lips right on your clit.

The sensations coursing through your body had you trembling, legs dropping from his hold and onto his shoulders. He continued to eat you messily, pulling back to spit a fat glob of saliva on your pussy before diving back in, feasting on you. His tongue twisted inside of you, lapping up all your arousal, moaning against your pussy. He sucked on your clit, bringing his fingers back into you, rubbing at your spongy walls once again. You gripped his hair as you came, shoving him deep in between your thighs, grinding your hips against his face, savoring the pleasure shooting up your veins. Your chest heaved, Gojo continuing to suck on your clit, overstimulating you. It got to the point where you felt another orgasm building up in your abdomen, the familiar warm pressure washing over you as you came a second time, squealing his name and weakly pulling him away from your pussy. 

He was panting, lips glistening from your juices, his pupils were shot, a wild look in his eyes you were well acquainted with. Your hand still buried in his hair, you pulled him up towards you, smashing your lips against his, tasting yourself. You moaned into his mouth, sucking his tongue into yours. Flipping you both over you sat on his navel, pulling down his boxers just enough to free his pulsating length. It stood proud, pretty pink tip flushing, glistening of precum. You grabbed it, scooting back to slide it into you. You stared into his eyes as you slid down, taking him in his entirety. The look on his face almost made you laugh, his eyes were blank and unfocused, mouth hanging slightly open as your warmth surrounded him. Tight, wet walls massaging his dick as you rode him, your ass meeting his thighs as you bounced. You threw your head back, hands coming up to tweak your nipples, his dick filling you to the brim. 

You looked down at the man beneath you. His jaw was clenched as he watched you, white hair starting to stick to his forehead with the sheen of sweat above his brow. “Ride it..ride it baby, fuck!” he whined, words a jumbled mess. His hands came up to your sides, rubbing up and down your hips, trying to ground himself. You glared down at him, slapping his hands away, increasing your pace. You saw his stomach constrict with every deep breath he took, staring up at you in awe when you rolled your hips into his once more, grinding down on him roughly.

He gasped when you clenched against him, your pace not letting up for a second. “Oh fuck…oh fuuck!” his moan was low and drawn out as he came, body tensing under you, his hands gripping at your hips. You rolled your hips a few more times, grinding him against you g-spot, the feeling of him spilling inside of you making your clit pulse with anticipation. He panted your name, his head thrown back, exposing his neck, pretty red marks adorning his skin. When you had enough you pulled off of him, his cum dribbling out from your pussy and down your thighs. He looked at you, panting, watching you collect some of it and bring your fingers up to your lips, sucking them clean. 

He sat up in a heartbeat, grabbing your wrists and pulling you onto him, shoving his tongue desperately into your mouth.

Obviously, you had set something off in him, making him feral.

He flipped you on your stomach, grabbing your hips to lift your lower half up to reach his, hard dick poking at your thighs. Your upper half teetering on the edge of the bed. You looked up at the mirror in front of you, getting lost in the sight of Gojo behind you, your ass propped up against his pelvis and his hands securely holding on to your waist. “You look so pretty like this..” you heard him breath, one of his hands sliding down the span of your back, coming down to wrap around your hair and forcing your head up, meeting his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “Such a pretty slut. You gonna watch me fuck you, baby?” he whispered, taking his dick in his other hand, teasingly rubbing the tip up and down your sopping wet folds, not giving you so much as an inch.

“Y-yes Toru.” you whined, pushing yourself back on him eagerly. “Hm.. if you look away from the mirror, i’ll stop, kay?” you nodded, rolling your hips back against him in need. “Just fuck me already.”

Gojo pushed into you, his hand letting go of your hair and coming back to knead your ass, his pace unrelenting as he beat into you, hips meeting your backside with every thrust. You gasped, hands gripping the sheets under you to hold yourself still, trying not to fall off the edge of the bed with the force of his movements inside of you.

“Oh my god Saturo- yess” you keened. Your pussy felt so full of him, his dick stretching out your walls, pumping you full of his length. He watched you through the mirror, piercing gaze not wavering from your body for a second, enjoying the way your ass bounced against him, taking all he had to give.

 “Look at you, taking my dick like a slut” he growled, spreading your ass cheeks with his hands, staring down at your tight ring of muscles, twitching with every thrust of his hips. He ghosted his fingers over it, making you shudder. “I think I'll play with this one next. What do you think, love?” his voice was sickeningly sweet, a hard contrast to the rough pace he had set inside of you, beating your walls loose without a care.

When you didn’t answer he delivered a stinging smack to your ass, making you yelp. “I’m talking to you, baby..” you nodded your head, your mind fuzzy from the white hot pleasure coursing through your body. “Use your words, pretty girl.” he grunted, shoving his whole length into you, hips pressed flush against your ass. “O-oh fuck! Yes Toru..yes!” you cried, back arching into him, feeling the tip of his dick kiss right against your cervix. He hummed in satisfaction, his thumb coming to his lips, wetting it with his saliva before bringing it back to your ass, easing in the tip of his thumb past the resisting muscles of your sphincter.

The pain only enhanced the pleasure in your abdomen, letting out a wanton moan as he slowly pushed past, thumb now fully breaching into your ass. “That's it baby.. Fuck, you’re so sexy.” He moaned, engrossed in the way you wrapped around his thumb, squeezing his dick with your pussy at the new sensation. He swore he could see stars, a white ring of cream accumulating around his base, getting thicker every time he pushed back into you.

You were struggling to hold your composure under him, glassy eyes trying to stay focused on the mirror in front of you, knuckles turning almost white at the tight grip you had on the sheets. He was fucking you dumb, your words coming out in babbles of his name amongst other words he couldn’t understand. Above you, he was losing his mind, the vice grip your creaming pussy had on him paired with the erotic sight of your asshole hugged around his finger driving him crazy.

He almost felt dizzy, reaching down to messily toy with your clit. Pinching, rubbing and flicking the bud, groaning when he felt you flutter and clench around him. You threw your head back when you felt warm pressure build up in your stomach, it was different this time though, it was more intense than the others and you couldn’t help the cry of his name from deep within your throat when he hit a particular spot inside of you.

“Just like that baby, moan. My. fucking. Name” his thrusts accented every word, hitting that sweet spot inside of you over and over again. Your body shook as your vision blurred, your core trembling with the force of your orgasm racking through your body. You squirted all over him, coating his lower stomach with your essence. A mix between a moan and a scream of his name being ripped from your chest. “Ohh fuck. Oh shit, baby.” He gasped, hurriedly pushing against the pressure of your orgasm, forcing himself back inside of you, dragging out every last drop from your pussy before he came undone, emptying himself deep inside of you, moans falling from his lips as he rode your orgasms out inside of you, weak whimpers escaping you from the overstimulation. 

He pulled out slowly. Earning a hiss from you, your body trembled, weakly dropping onto your stomach, your arms and legs aching with exhaustion. “C’mon pretty girl, don’t lay down just yet.” you felt him tug the bedsheet from under you, making you lazily roll onto the bare mattress, too tired to care anymore. You watched from the corner of your eye as he picked up his boxers, dragging them up his legs and back on, disappearing out of the room and what you assumed to be the bathroom.

He came back with a pack of wet wipes and a warm rag. “At least he has the decency to clean up..” you thought bitterly, letting him spread your legs open, gently wiping the mess down from between your legs. When he was done he laid next to you, his chest open and waiting for you to curl up into his arms, but you turned your back to him instead. Grabbing the duvet and pulling it over you.

Gojo snorted behind you, just crawling over to you and bringing you into his arms. “Still mad at me, pretty girl?” he murmured into your hair, cuddling up to you. You didn’t respond, staring into the darkness of your room, the lamp barely illuminating. “I’m sorry, okay?” you still didn’t respond, opting to ignore him and just go to sleep. You felt the bed shift and groaned when he flipped you on your back, staring down at you with an intensity in his eyes you’ve never seen before. “Y/n. I’m serious. I know what I said came off as harsh but I have no other choice, okay? You know the kind of work we do. Feelings can’t get in the way for people like us.” He was right, but the sting of his words still ached in your heart, and you avoided his gaze. “I know Toru..” you mumbled, glaring at the ceiling above you. “For what it's worth… I do care about you, y/n. In another life, You could’ve been mine.” he whispered, coming up to curl his fingers in your hair affectionately. You closed your eyes tight, trying to stop the warmth of your feelings for him from creeping into your heart. No, he always said stuff like this. He always gave you little promises, just to treat you like you didn’t matter, just to treat you like you were weak. You rolled onto your side, refusing to give him any more of your attention, you felt Gojo flop onto the bed again, this time leaving you be.

When you woke up the next morning you were surprised to see him still laying there, blissfully asleep and snoring like a hog. You glanced at the alarm clock on your nightstand, “10:00 A.M” you were late, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. The ache in every nook of your body convinces you that Yaga will just have to make due with other teachers to show the new first years around. You glanced behind you to Gojo’s sleeping form, He looked so peaceful, his beautiful white hair framing his face perfectly. You got so lost in thought that you almost missed the twitch of his eyelids, brilliant blue irises peeking out from underneath. You averted your gaze, looking down at your hands before he could notice.

But of course, he already did. “Staring is rude, you know.” he rasped, sitting up and turning his body towards you, his neck littered with blooming red and purple marks from your handy work. You scoffed, rolling your eyes as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Hey.” you turned to face him again, blankly looking into his eyes. “I meant what I said last night… I just need you to be patient, okay?” he looked at you with as much sincerity he could muster, making your heart twist. “Gojo…” “I know, my words don’t hold a lot of weight to you.” you almost wanted to snort, “that's an understatement.” “I know, and that’s my fault. But I promise, I mean it when I say that I care.” you stared at him for a moment, finding it hard to believe anything that came from his mouth, all the painful emotions swirling around in your mind. You nodded your head, not fully believing him. “Okay.” He smiled at you, and you couldn’t muster the energy to smile back.

You would be patient, but until then you wouldn’t wait on him hand and foot anymore, it was an even playing field from now on. If Gojo didn’t prove himself, you would move on to better things. Life didn’t stop at Saturo Gojo, and that proved true when you didn’t look to see if he read your message; when you didn’t waste your time calling him.

West District, part 2

[noira-l]

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You are falling into darkness and meaninglessness. Satoru refuses to let you do that.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, after 'premature death', after suguru deflection, describtion od depression, apathy, lost meaning in life, slight eating disorder, sleeplesness.

author's note: We finally get to see his softer side, though as is his fashion, he does it in his own way.

4 months after Suguru defected

"I know that the situation that happened has left its mark on you, however, you must not give up like this."

Yaga had been trying to reach you in his office for several minutes. To no avail. Your gaze was still blank, staring at a single point on his desk since you sat down, it didn't seem like you were present in any way.

Silence. You didn't answer anything. Just as you always do.

This is not your first meeting with your Sensei. Yaga has been trying to make his way to you for about a month.

A void in your head, so great and black that it swallowed you whole. Your body indifferent to every sense that reached you, you did not analyse it at all. If Satoru hadn't dragged you here, literally holding your hand and leading you, you wouldn't have come here at all. You didn't have the will or the strength for it.

Everything stopped at that moment. It ended. There was nothing left. Anything important and beautiful in your life was taken away from you by the terrible malice of fate. Your house burnt down. Your beloved had descended into madness. You no longer had anything to care about. Your entire past no longer mattered. Everyone is literally dead.

Even you died that day.

You wondered what was still alive.

Or at least that's how you explained it to yourself, unable to accept that the same person who promised you the world had just taken it away from you.

You were lifeless. It didn't take much to conclude that.

All that remained was a fragile, frail and empty shell of a person once filled with love, dreams and passion.

You no longer had the strength to cry, or to utter any words. If it wasn't for Shoko, you wouldn't even eat, and if it wasn't for Gojo, you probably wouldn't sleep.

You could smile altogether now. The world of jujutsu never broke you, the person you loved did. But you didn't, even though it crossed your mind.

What an honour to be the exception to the rule.

Yaga sighed leaning against his expensive chair.

"(Y/N)." he called out, though you didn't even flinch "I don't want you to end up like this. As your teacher, I recognises your self-doubt as his personal failure. The situation that has befallen you is a very difficult one and I understand that you would need time to get things back to normal."

He leaned towards you "However, in this world we live in, we cannot afford such a luxury." you knew his eyes were drilling into you.

"It has been more than four months. Your condition is not improving, only getting worse. At your request, I have specifically let you skip part of your training." you heard him grinding his teeth, but not out of anger, but out of helplessness "I'm doing my best not to send you on missions in this condition, because I know that even if something attacks you-" he paused.

-you won't even try to defend yourself.’ you finished for him in your head.

He was right, you knew it, and so did anyone who would just look at you. You lost a lot of weight, your skin turned pale got a shade of gray, and your eyes lacked their former spark.

You could see that Yaga, in that silence, couldn't find the right words. When he opened his mouth to say something, you finally muttered, pausing his speetch.

"But Sensei, you should…" you raised your gaze from the one point where it was cumulative to look the man deep in the eyes

"..let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway."

★ --

Yaga sat in his office, surrounded by a silence that seemed to deepen his worries. Outside the window, the rain drummed against the glass as if to wash the weight of anxiety from his soul, but it only deepened his sense of helplessness.

Your words, haunted him.

‘Let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway' constantly echoed in his mind, like a silent cry of despair that gave him no peace.

Never before had he seen such emptiness in someone's eyes - an emptiness that testified that all hope, all will to fight, had been sucked out of you.

He was incapable of seeing Geto Suguru roll into a similar spiral.

It was a failure that has pursued Yaga, reminding him of the fragility of the human mind.

You are reminder of that too.

Now he saw the same symptoms in your - empty eyes, unresponsive to sensory input, avoiding contact with others.

Every day when you came to training was like seeing a ghost moving among the living, unable to fully return to life. You was physically there, but you soul seemed to be elsewhere, trapped in a place you couldn't get out of.

In this state, Yaga knew he had to seek advice from others.

He must act. He will not make this mistake again.

You will not be a case to regret.

And he had a lot of them.

He was the first to go to Shoko. He met her in the corridor, as busy as ever with her work, locked in a world where medicine was everything.

"Shoko, have you tried to talk to her? Something about her condition?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Shoko sighed, not stopping for a moment.

"I'm not good at such conversations." she replied briefly, looking at him fleetingly, as if those words would explain everything. Yaga knew that Shoko was doing as well as she could, but he also knew, that she was avoiding emotion like a fire. She couldn't help you in this battle that was going on inside. She was only capable of healing you on the outside.

The next stop was Nanami. Always serious, always composed, Nanami was someone who could be counted on in the most difficult of times. However, when Yaga asked him the same question, the answer was equally overwhelming.

"I understand what she is going through. I've tried to reach out to her, but… she's silent. I don't know how I can help her when she won't talk.’" there was a note of helplessness in Nanami's voice that had never been there before. Yaga knew that he sympathised with you, that he had tried, but that he himself could not break through this invisible barrier you had built around yourself.

Last was Satoru, always the enigmatic one, always full of contrasts. Yaga found him in one of the training rooms as he watched the younger students' classes.

"Satoru, did you talk to her?" he asked, knowing that Gojo was someone who could see more than others.

"I don't talk. I just sit by her when she's awake. That's all I can do." replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yaga felt a mixture of relief and sadness upon hearing these words. Satoru, in his typical style, had found a way to be beside you, but even he, with all his unlimited potential, could not pull you out of your state.

★ --

3 weeks after Suguru defected

Gojo was initially not supposed to get so involved.

He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't good at such things, that he didn't know how to talk about such topics, couldn't find a solution for you or show you something he should.

Your storm you showed him that day left a mark in him. It awakened something in him. He couldn't deny it. He just kept living in the belief, that he wasn't capable of doing anything about it. He didn't feel that there was anything in him that he could offer to help you. He never knew what to say, he never knew what to do. He felt hopeless about it. Satoru was not the kind of person who makes the same mistakes twice or never learns from them.

He blamed himself for Suguru's departure. He felt that his corruption was his fault. His lack of attention, his lack of interest, his powerlessness - his failure to adapt to such situations.

Gojo Satoru was the strongest, that was the reason he was born. It was what he was made for.

He was not made to come into contact with the problems of humanity, he was always above others, he never touched such topics. And now here you are. In front of him. You are showing him this.

You bring him closer to this subject, you prove to him that he, despite his title, is still human.

He feels exactly what you feel.

You are proof that the feelings he has inside him - make him human.

What ultimately made him abandon the idea of leaving the subject to himself was the sight of you. Soaking wet for long moments on the training field.

He saw you from a distance, as he walked with Shoko to class. He separated from her to letting her go ahead, saying he would catch up with her. The rain was dark and heavy. he didn't need an umbrella, so he walked throught it like was nothing. A white beam of light, walking throught the dark.

The sight of you, sitting on the training field with a bamboo sword, completely soaked - stuck in his mind. It was an image that spoke more than a thousand words. You were physically there, but spiritually you seemed to be far away, in a place where no words could reach you. Satoru, though usually full of energy and humour, this time simply walked up to you and without a word took your hand, pulling you out of the rain. You didn't even defy him as the force lifted your body and made you float slightly above the ground.

He sat you down in his room, giving you a towel to dry you off. Gojo left for a while, leaving you covered in towels and a warm blanket.

He quickly teleported to the kitchen, to brew a mug of warm tea for you. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil the water, tapping his fingers against the kitchen counter in thoughtfulness. He thought about bringing Shoko to you, as you might have caught a cold. Suguru had mentioned that you catch such colds quite easily.

As he moved back, he set his mug down on his notebook-cluttered desk and looked at you. You stood at the window, watching the rain that had kept the world quiet all day today.

"Why the rain?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. You did not answer immediately, still staring at the raindrops reflecting on the window.

After a moment, you raised your gaze, looking at him with a blank stare. "Because the rain is clean. It washes everything away. Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash me away too." Satoru felt his heart squeeze with pain at those words, but he didn't allow himself to have any emotional outbursts.

You sat like this for a long time, he beside you, looking out at the rain. In the silence that surrounded, he could feel how devastated you were, how much you had lost the will to live. He knew that these feelings would not disappear overnight. He was aware of that.

So from that moment on, Satoru implemented a plan that seemed strange and effective, exactly his style.

★ --

1 month after Suguru defected

The first month was a time of anticipation and patience for Satoru.

When he first entered your room, he felt the dense atmosphere almost overwhelm him. The quiet, enclosed room seemed as if trapped in time. You were sitting on the bed, your back turned to the door, shoulders tense. It was clear that your thoughts were far away.

Satoru closed the door behind him, then took a seat against the wall, far away from you, right next to the door. He sat down on the floor, pulled his gameboy out of his pocket and began to play, pretending it was a normal everyday situation.

At first you did not even look at him. Your gaze remained fixed on one point, as if you were trying to find a meaning in it that you could not find anywhere else. Satoru, however, was not bothered by this silence. He concentrated on the game, allowing you to get used to his presence while giving you space. Managing the space was his special skill.

Every day he would spend a few dozen minutes in your room, sometimes playing, sometimes bringing something to eat with him. Often he would sit there with a meal in his hand, eating slowly, and the sounds of munching were the only sounds in the room. He never tried to get you to talk, knowing that your personal space was crucial at that moment.

★ --

2 months after Suguru defected

The second month brought slight changes. Satoru, feeling that your reactions to his presence had become more bearable, decided to get closer.

Instead of sitting on the floor by the door, he took a seat in the chair by your desk, which stood slightly closer to the bed. When he entered the room, you looked at him - that was a success! Noticing change in his behaviour, but you took a quick glance at him, so he couldn't be happier. He passed you a small smile, that was a welcoming greeting.

Satoru stretched out comfortably in a chair, pulled out a book and began to read. Occasionally he would reach for his headphones to turn on some music for himself, shutting himself off from the world but still being there, at arm's length, if you need him.

There were days when he couldn't concentrate on reading, so he would just sit, watching you out of the corner of his eye. As time went on, he began to notice that you would sometimes glance at him, as if trying to understand why he came here almost everyday that was free for him, even though you didn't exchange a word with each other. Even when he was busy, your room was the first stop when he came back from any mission.

★ --

3 months after Suguru defected

In the third month, Satoru felt he could risk the next step.

When he walked into your room one day, instead of sitting in a chair, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He felt your body tighten as soon as he sat down, but you didn't move away or ask him to leave. This was the sign he had been waiting for.

He pulled out his gameboy, fired up the game and started playing, sitting next to you. For a while, the silence was almost overwhelming, but as time passed, the atmosphere began to relax. Satoru noticed that although you still didn't speak, your presence had become somewhat more conscious.

He started bringing you food when Shoko couldn't. He felt that when he brought you something, you were more eager to glance at it. And you even took a bite of the sweet roll he left with you one day.

There were also moments when you started to move, as if you wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. Satoru did not push. He felt that these small gestures were a sign of progress.

★ --

4 months after Suguru defected

In the last month of this silent coexistence, Satoru decided to go all in.

When he entered your room, he didn't stop at the door or the chair. He immediately headed for the bed and lay down beside you without a word. He felt you body stiffen at first, but after a while you relaxed, accepting his presence. This was so strange, but so.. welcoming.

Both of you lay side by side, arms barely touching, but it was enough.

Satoru pulled out his mp3 player, turned on quiet music and placed it between you two, letting the soft sounds fill the silence. He watched the ceiling, occasionally glancing up to look at your face. The sight of it, now devoid of such deep pain as it had been in the beginning, made him relieved. He knew that your emotional state was still fragile, but he was sure that his presence was helping you in some way. You were helping him too, he just couldn't say that to you.

His presence in your room become such a small tradition, which he often looked forward to. Besides your dorm was a good escape for him, when he was looking for, there was never any thought that he could be at your place.

One day, as both you lay like this, you gently turned towards him and looked at him with a slightly softer expression on your tired face. You didn't need to say anything - your gaze said more than words.

Satoru smiled slightly at you, then closed his eyes, feeling that you had reached a state of understanding that was only possible through months of patience and perseverance.

He was content, that he could see your eyes weren't so empty or full of tears. That was a breakthrought, that he was so eager to welcome.

★ --

4 and a half months after Suguru defected

Satoru has not visited you for a week.

You knew he was back from a mission, because Shoko bringing you food mentioned it. She also said that it had been a long and exhausting one, on which they had sent him alone, with no support from even specialists.

It was already very late in the night, you had been waiting for him for a long time, and yet he had not come.

For the first time since moths, you got out of bed by yourself.

You poked your head out, to see if the light in his room was on, it still was. You were overwhelmed by a strange feeling, that you could not quite describe. You wondered what the reason was for breaking this little tradition you shared between the two of you.

You came to the conclusion, that he probably needed the space himself and was just using it. Although this seemed to you to be completely unsuitable for a person you came to know. Should you do something about this fact? You nervously bit your nail.

What if he now needs the same treatment that he used to give you? What if he just needs to be alone?

A conflict arose in your mind. You didn't know what to do, how to behave. You felt a little stressed as you slowly sat back down on the bed.

What should you do?

Your decision was made, when your foot visited the kitchens for the first time in months to brew a tea for him.

All you could hear in the quiet corridor was the soft creaking of the floor, as you approached the door of his room. The wooden gates were slightly open, as if Gojo didn't have the strength to close them fully. You carefully pushed it open with your hand, peering inside.

Satoru was lying on the bed, with his arms spread, as if the weight of the world was crushing him to the mattress. His white hair, always so perfectly styled, were a mess. Fortunately, he had managed to change into his pyjamas. There was an expression of extreme fatigue on his face, but when he heard quiet footsteps, he lifted his eyelids.

Your gazes met. You gently closed the door behind you, then stepped deeper into the room, setting your mug of warm drink down on the desk. Just as he had done this to you one time. Your limbs tremble slightly from the cold. Going to the kitchen in just your pyjamas and flip-flops at this time of year was a stupid idea.

You didn't exchange a word with each other. You blandly started playing with the sleeve of your nightshirt. You didn't need words to understand how tired he was, the slight bags under his eyes and messy look told you all you needed to know.

He changed positions on the bed, moving more towards the wall, grabbed a corner of the duvet and lifted it up. He made an inviting gesture with his head and his slightly glowing eyes went out.

You sat on the edge of the bed first. Feeling a little on unfamiliar ground. You had only been in his room a couple of times. The main place for you to hang out as a group was Suguru's room. Immediately you felt the warmth emanating from the sheets.

With a slow movement you lay down next to him, letting the warmth of the duvet and his scent greet you. The mattress bent slightly under you weight, as you turned to face him. You could feel how soft and molded his mattress was, how his pillow was pleasantly arranged. Your body slowly began to warm, heat waves spreading through your body, soothing your mind and dulling your senses. The air around you was warm, enveloping, and his presence added a strange sense of security that you hadn't felt in a long time.

You could feel your body relaxing more and more with each breath. You could hear the calm rhythm of his breathing, which worked on like a lullaby. You were so warm, not only physically, but also internally, as if this place, this moment, was exactly where you were supposed to be.

You slowly closed your eyes, feeling sleep begin to embrace you with it's softness. The thoughts that had been swirling around in your head just moments before, began to quiet down, giving a way to a blissful emptiness. The warmth of his body and regular breathing were like an focus points that, allowed you to pull your head away from your worries and sink into a peaceful sleep.

Finally, you allowed yourself to fully surrender to the moment. You fell asleep, with his hand still gently resting on your waist, in a place that seemed the safest in the world.

★ --

Satoru slowly opened his eyes, feeling the soft rays of the sun on his face. For a while he lay still, savoring the quiet of the morning and the warmth that beat from the body, cuddled into his. You were sleeping peacefully, your breathing was steady and deep, and face expressed the kind of calm he hadn't seen in you in a long time. He smiled slightly, pleased that you could finally truly rest.

He didn't want to wake you, but he knew the day was calling him. He shifted cautiously, reaching for the phone that lay on the bedside table. For a moment, he pondered how to play it, but quickly decided that the only person he could ask to do it - was Shoko.

you: "Take care of everything today? Thanks. >ᴗ<"

7:43 am

Sent a message, not waiting for a respond, he put the phone aside, before turning back to you.

He glanced at your face once more. You looked so peaceful, as if for a moment you had forgotten everything that had overwhelmed you for months.

Gojo gently ran his fingers through your hair, trying not to wake you up. He smiled, seeing how you moved slightly in his arms, as if you instinctively knew he was there.

He was so proud of himself, the sight of your sincere rest soothed his heart somehow. Thanks to him, you were finally able to rest. He felt satisfaction and contentment at the thought. He finally didn't feel so helpless and powerless. He felt that he had just done something, that at least one person, by some screwed up luck, had managed to be saved by him.

With a slight sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into sleep again. He knew that he didn't have to rush anywhere, that this was a day they could spend relaxing, even if he had responsibilities and pressures on him, at this point he totally didn't give a damn. He fell asleep quickly, holding you close to him, enjoying the moment of comfort you brought to him as well.

You two slept all day, cuddled up to each other in warm cozy embrace.

With the peace and quiet you finally rested, as you both deserved.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

[akindplace]

The thing about romanticizing the tortured artist trope is that it takes very serious health conditions, physical, mental, and emotional ones, and it turns it into a very empty aesthetic made for consumption. It takes a life story, and it turns it into a punch line, an easy way out to explain a lifelong struggle while having no regard for the person who actually lived it.

It’s a way of simplifying something so complex as a whole life story, take away the good parts, the artist’s talent, and atribute years and year of studying and practicing their craft to an illness. As if it makes people feel better that maybe they aren’t geniuses but at least they aren’t “insane”.

Artists are constantly working to the bone to get people to see and understand their art, to change the current status quo, to perfect their craft. The most important thing is not how an artist died. It’s the life they lived, the work they’ve left behind, their mark on the world. Reducing people to a tragedy is not a way of appreciating their genius: their art is.

No one is a genius because of their illness, their trauma, their suffering, but because they studied and worked hard to develop the aptitude they were born with. Talent is not a miracle, it’s a lifelong effort.

This stereotype is extremely harmful to people who are currently struggling with those health problems, and it should not be used to “give pain a meaning”, because there is always so much more to someone’s life than suffering, and there is always so much more to your own life than romanticizing your own struggles and those of others.

Pain is meant to be worked through, not fed. And when you feed yourself the myth that an artist was brilliant because they were sick, you are erasing a big part of their life to try and make sense of yours. But you won’t find true meaning in life if you’re only feeding your sorrow instead of maybe, just maybe, doing what those artists did and work through it with your own art.

A lot of them did not have any access to healthcare because their conditions were unknown, but they did what they could to keep going. Their deaths don’t mean they gave up in a big tragic ending, and reducing them to that means you’re erasing everything they did to keep going, every fight, every effort they put into their own health and into their life’s work.

I love impressionist art ever since I was in elementary school, my favorite artist being Vincent Van Gogh. I was first introduced to his story as a man who had a mental illness and died a tragic death, while struggling financially and never being recognized properly during his lifetime.

But you see, Vincent Van Gogh had his brother Theo, who kept all the letters his older brother sent him, and sent his brother words of admiration, support, and unconditional love in his own.

He helped Vincent financially so he could pursue his paiting career. He saw the talent in his own brother even when others might’ve not. The period when Vincent was doing a little better with his health was actually when he was most prolific in his painting, which shuts down the idea that someone must be on the gutter and on the deepest pain and sickness to produce great art.

Most people in really poor health have a hard time managing daily life, and they probably won’t miraculously produce their best work yet while they in extreme suffering (I dare you to make the greatest work of art you’re capable of while you’re down with the flu, now imagine being in constant physical, mental and emotional distress and people think you can just make just about anything). Great art takes a lot of work. Genius and suffering don’t go hand in hand, and it reductive to explain away talent by an illness, as if any effort artists put into their craft was meaningless.

Theo named his own son after his brother, and after Vicent died, he still wanted to make his work known, and after his own death, his wife Johanna kept working on Theo’s mission besides her own political activism. She published the letters between the two brothers, and her own son helped in making Van Gogh’s work even more well known. Even though he was just a baby when his uncle died, he kept his memory alive by founding a world famous museum in his name.

Vincent Van Gogh was able to keep working because he was helped by his own family, financially, emocionally, and was given every encouragement so he could go on with his own career. He painted more when he got medical help, even though in his own time he would have had access to much simpler treatments, since the understanding of illnesses has largely changed in the last centuries.

Healthcare, support, compassion and understanding go a long way, and that’s why it’s important to keep pushing society to be more inclusive to people with illnesses - so they will get the help they need, so they won’t leave earlier than they should.

Vincent Van Gogh’s name is not well known just because of his own efforts, but also by the efforts of those who loved him and kept his name alive long after he was gone. He is not famous because he was a tortured artist. He is famous because those who loved him tried to help him in the ways they could, even after he was gone. His fame is not the result of his death, but of his life’s work and the work of those around him.

Love made him known. Support allowed him to keep working. Getting some help even at a time people did not understand his condition well enough meant he could paint more.

Van Gogh was only human, and he felt such a broad spectrum of emotions and lived through so many things, just as we all do. Behind those paintings, there is a person, a story, and so much hard work, and none of that can be reduced to the romanticized ideal of a tragic death of a tortured man.

It is not about his pain, his suffering, his death, you see. It’s about his life. And it’s about the life of those who loved him. He was able to do what he loved because he was loved, and that is the reason is remembered to this day.

I will end this long post with one of his most famous quotes:

“There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

[yandere-romanticaa]

My head is empty as it's filled with nothing but Childe and I just want to gush about my man for a little bit, excuse me mindless rambling.

Whenever he would leave for a trip, he would deflate like a balloon, I just know it. But, he has to go, duty calls and all that other boring stuff. No matter the time of day though Childe is always thinking about you, wondering what you're doing, where you are and with who. He's definitely the type of guy who would just start gushing about you to a complete stranger. The stranger is either going to be taken aback by his sheer intensity or perhaps even a little charmed because it's just so rare to see a young man be so in love with someone. He doesn't want anyone else in this world, no one else matters.

On paper, most people would love to have a partner so devoted and loyal.

But most people are also not ready for the sheer fierceness such a relationship would cause.

He would give himself to you 100% but he expects the same treatment back. This is a man who likes direct and honest communication, he does not have the time nor will to waste on meaningless things. If you don't like the gift he brought back, that is okay. Just speak up, he won't get mad. The way in which he senses your uneasiness is maddening, like a shark smelling fresh blood.

And like the predator that he is, Childe always goes for the kill.

He is also more than willing to give you time in order to get used to him and his presence. He tries to soothe you by being there for you in any way he can, be it physically present or sending regular letters, telling you of his adventures and mundane affairs.

He would be very insulted if he found out that you wanted to throw out his letters. You banish the thought from your mind every time it pops up.

The way in which his deep blue eyes shine with adoration is something for the history books. Some Fatui agents who possess artistic talents even go so far to write down your encounters, perhaps even paint them on a fine canvas if they feel brave enough to do so.

The way you handle the situation all depends on you. Do you try to run, the fear of getting lost in the abyss too strong to handle? Or do you stay by his side, finally madly in love with him as he so desperately wants you to be?

Once he makes a promise, it will never be broken. And if you decide to take his hand in your own, you will never know a loveless life ever again.

Are you ready to drown with him?

[tojisblade]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐄

— 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

synopsis: after your divorce, you kept quiet and to yourself as you took a break to recover from everything. you ended up meeting fushiguro toji, who ended up asking you out and delivering the 'best possible medicine to heartbreak' as your best friend had recommended. getting fucked with no strings attached.

wc: 2.7k

cw: unprotected sex, fem!reader, pet names (good girl, baby, sweetheart), oral, overstimulation, toji is FERAL, cliffhanger at the end, part two will follow with some angst and more :3

this is not proofread.

likes and reblogs, as well as feedback is very much appreciated!

“you know what?”, your best friend, hana, suddenly said, gulping down the wine she had just sipped. “you really have to get fucked.” 

you choked on your own wine, spluttering in shock as you stared at her. “what the fuck, hana?!”, you giggled, shaking your head. “no, i do not.”

“fuck, yes you do. come on, babe, you’ve separated from your ex-husband weeks ago. it’s time for you to get fucked again, like… just raw, meaningless sex. no strings attached. that’s everything. believe me, that’s the best medicine”, hana giggled, drinking her glass empty and filling it up again, clearly tipsy already. 

“i totally disagree. i’m… okay.” 

“no, baby, you’re not. you’re not and it’s too obvious. you don’t take care of yourself anymore. i’m absolutely worried about you. but i know that this is just temporary and you will get yourself together again. i just worry that you won’t be able to do so without forgetting about the separation. and honestly? the best medicine to get that crap out of your head is by getting fucking drunk and get into it with somebody.” 

you sighed, still shaking your head in disbelief that this conversation actually happened. 

—

the headache you woke up with the next morning was something you were used to from the past few weeks – getting drunk to the point you were throwing up almost every single day. this only started after your husband – well, ex-husband now – asked for separation and divorce, after you had become so distant to him because of your research and work. 

it had been weeks on weeks where you wouldn’t even spare a glance at him, exchanged barely a word with him. of course, he would get sick and tired of this. 

it was too late when you realized your mistake and finally snapped out of it. that day was the same one he had asked for a divorce. 

luckily, it was a quick and easy case – you both had quickly agreed on your assets. you didn’t want anything, just enough of your shared savings that you could afford a new apartment to rent. 

it was yet another lonely evening in a shabby bar in tokyo, you were drinking some lightly alcoholic beverage just because you didn’t want to get totally drunk again. 

“what is a gorgeous woman like you doing in this shabby ass place, sweetheart?”, the bartender asked – a very tall and muscular man, smirking at you. you lean your head to the side, noticing a tiny scar on his lip’s right side.

“what is a handsome man like you working at a shabby bar like this?”, you encountered, chuckling. “can you give me some alcohol-free cocktail? i don’t… want to get drunk tonight.”

“well, coming to a bar in general was the wrong idea then, sweetie.” 

“i’m fully aware”, you laughed, shaking your head. “i just needed to get out of my home for a night.”

“well, no matter what got you here, you’re very welcome and here is your drink.” as you reached for your purse, he shook his head, refusing the pay for the drink. “no, no, this one’s on me, yeah? enjoy, sweetheart.” 

“thanks, uhh... what’s your name?”, you asked, giggling as you sipped the cocktail. “it’s toji. fushiguro toji”, he introduced himself, smirking confidently and you couldn’t help but think about how fucking hot that man was and the words of hana struck back into your head.

maybe she was right. it had been weeks and you were nothing but a total mess, thinking about your past life with your ex-husband every minute of every single day. 

“nice to meet you, toji. i’m y/n”, you introduced yourself with the first genuine smile in weeks on your lips. 

“oh! aren’t you that news reporter? you do those real cool investigations on undiscussed topics, don’t you?!”, he asked, eyes widening. “i didn’t recognize you at first, sorry about that!” 

“ah, no worries. i have been on a break for the past three weeks, so…”, you trailed off. “i.. guess i haven’t really been working on anything much.” 

“ah, we all have those times. want to talk it out? sometimes emptying out your heart to some stranger can help”, toji chuckled as he wiped off some of the glasses, drying them off to place them back on the counter. 

“is that really a thing?”, you retorted, laughing with him. “i never believed in that, to be honest. my best friend suggested i needed to get fucked, like, she described it as ‘raw, meaningless and no-strings-attached sex’. maybe that’s what i really need, huh?” 

perhaps you were already tipsy from your previous alcoholic drink, but didn’t realize it. because sane-you would never have blurted this out to a total stranger. 

even toji seemed to be caught totally off-guard by this. his eyes widened before he chuckled. “i thought you were married?”, he asked then, a little bit shy about knowing that fact. “at least… that is what i remembered from when i looked you up once after i watched some of your reports..” 

“ah, no… well, i was. not anymore. that is why i’m here at this ‘shabby ass bar’”, you laughed, but it was a heartless laugh this time. “we got divorced. that’s why i haven’t been back to reporting yet. we finalized the divorce three weeks ago and then i asked my boss for a month long absence. i’m supposed to be back in a week and i’m still not prepared mentally for coming back.” 

“and that’s okay, sweetheart. you can’t set a specific timeframe to get over something so major happening in your life. how long were you married?” 

“five years. we married young. we were both… 21? something around that. yeah. high school sweethearts, you know? we got together when we were 17, so”, you replied, smiling softly. “we didn’t have much back then, so we only had a small little thing between us both in some tiny venue. just me, him and two of our closest friends. never even got to do a proper ceremony after we build our lives to our likings.”

“see, that’s been what, nine, almost ten years? you almost spent ten years with one person and you expect yourself to forget about that in, what? twenty eight days? come on, that’s impossible.”

“to be fair… i grew so much more distant from him ages ago. i just didn’t want to admit it.”

“and still, the divorce that finalized it all only happened recently. it reminded you of your mistakes during the last moments of your relationship. no matter how long ago you started growing distant to him, the last moments are the most crucial ones.”

“you know, you’re insanely insightful for a bartender in this shabby ass bar”, you giggled, shaking your head. 

“well, you’re surprisingly not the only freshly single person in front of me. though, you’re the most beautiful one of them, sweetheart”, toji mumbled, smiling softly. “and definitely the only one i’ve ever felt so attracted to.” 

that statement made your cheek heat up. you were always told that you were very stunning, but hearing it from someone other than your ex-husband had you slightly embarrassed. 

“thank you”, you mumbled, drinking your beverage to stop yourself from saying something more embarrassing. 

“hey, can i… have your number? i’d love to see you again someday”, toji then blurted out, chuckling softly at his own sudden move. “you’re pretty cool.” 

you couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in amusement. “sure.” 

—

toji and you had your first official date just a week later, the same evening you had your first day back at work after your month-long break. 

“listen, uhm… i don’t mean to burst your bubble or something but me agreeing to this date wasn’t me trying to get your hopes up. i still need my time to adjust being a single woman after years of being with one single person and i hope you understand that”, you said, a sad smile on your lips. “you’re a really great man and all but i’m not ready for a relationship.”

“i know that. don’t worry, sweetcheeks”, he chuckled, softly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “i asked you out because i wanted to get to know you more. mayhaps, one day you’ll sit in front of me and be happy to say yes to being my girlfriend but i know that day won’t be happening anytime soon. and i’m perfectly fine with that.”

you giggled, raising your first glass of wine in a week and a little clinking sound echoed in your ears when his encountered yours. 

the night was filled with laughter and genuine smiles. you were amazed at how much you loved being with toji, not expecting to feel this comfortable with anyone else after the divorce finalized. 

“thank you, toji. for this amazing night”, you hugged him goodbye after he had walked you home, his big arms engulfing your body fully and you felt so comforted in his grasp. 

“of course, sweetcheeks. you’re very welcome”, he mumbled, planting a gentle kiss on your head. “you were amazing tonight, by the way. i mean… on tv.”

“you watched?”, you asked, looking away shyly. 

“of course, i did. i watched you every single night up until your break. you amazed me on screen and then tonight again when you gave me the chance to get to know the real you.”

his gaze was lidded as he glanced down on your lips for a moment and back to your eyes, his one arm wrapped around your waist as his other hand was on your cheek again. “you’re so beautiful, sweetheart. had me glued to my screen every single night as i watched you, listened to you and actually cared about what crap was happening around the world.” 

he was so close that you felt his breath on your lips, your breathing slowly getting shaky and you couldn’t help it anymore – you just had to do it. you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss, the tension had you in shivers as you felt his other arm hold you tightly against his massive body. 

after that, everything was happening very fast. he let go of the kiss for a moment, asking you if you were sure about all this and let you get your house’s keys out so that he could lift you up easily, your legs wrapped around his waist, as he carried you towards the bedroom. 

“where is it, sweetheart?”, he asked, the smirk on his lips was so addicting to see that you were distracted for a second. toji playfully smacked your ass as you didn’t reply, getting you out of your trance-like stance. 

“over there”, you pointed at the door, as he carried you over, planting soft and gentle kisses over your neck and collarbones, before you were thrown onto your bed, giggling softly. 

“what a fancy bedroom you got here, sweetcheeks”, toji chuckled, noticing the remote control for the lights in the room. he pressed on the red-colored button, turning on the red lights, making you laugh at the cliché type of mood he was setting. 

“much better, huh?”

this whole thing didn’t feel like a one-night-stand. it felt like a romantic moment between two lovers and you liked this feeling a lot. there were lots of kisses and gentle caressing before toji got too impatient and finally ripped off your lacy panties, lifting your hips with his big hands on your hips and latched his lips against your clit, having you moan out in surprise and pleasure rushing through your body. 

“t-toji!”, you exclaimed, eyes rolling back as he ate you out like his whole life depended on this, like he would die if he didn’t make you cum on his mouth and drink up every last drop. “ah, fuck, so good.”

“taste so fucking good. how could you deprive me of this for an entire week, sweetheart?”, he groaned, he was so far gone with his mind, the only thoughts in his head were about how fucking sweet you tasted and how good he was going to fuck that sweet cunt of yours. 

“fuck, please”, you whined, “don’t tease me.” 

“but sweetheart, it’s so fun to tease you”, he chuckled. before you could say or do anything else, he had buried his head between your thighs once more, distracting you from what you were going to say in the first place. 

it wasn’t long until he had you trembling, crying out his name as nothing but pure pleasure coursed through your body that your hands clutching into his hair. 

“need your cock”, you whined, trying to get his pants off his body, eyes widening as you saw his bulge through the boxers. “o-oh.” 

he chuckled, biting his lip as he slowly and teasingly removed the fabric from his body and you gulped as you saw his size. “like what you see, baby?”, he laughed lightly, slowly kissing his way back up to your face. “don’t worry, i’ll be careful.”

as he aligned his tip with your entrance, he slowly lifted your legs, wrapping them around his waist and finally thrusted his cock inside, your eyes widening at his girth practically splitting you open. he groaned out, face buried against your neck as he praised you for how good you were taking his cock. 

“fuck, baby, you’re taking my cock so good”, he’d grunt out repeatedly, his tip easily hitting your sweet spot with every thrust, having you arch your back so prettily for him and your eyes fluttering shut in pleasure. 

“t-toji”, you cried out, nails digging into his back as you tried to pull his head closer to yours, wanting to kiss him so badly because you needed the distraction from how good he was fucking you. 

“deprived me and yourself from this pleasure for an entire week?”, toji groaned, his eyes were focused on where you both connected, smirking as he noticed a little creamy ring forming around his cock. he was in nothing but pure bliss. “stupid, so fucking stupid, but the wait was so worth it.” 

“yes, fuck, it wa–”

you stopped talking as a sudden and pretty intense rush of pleasure washed through your body, making you forget whatever you were saying as you were clinging at toji once more so tightly he let out a groan. 

“fuck, you’re so beautiful when you come for me, baby. gonna make you feel like you’re in heaven all night long, hm? how does that sound?”

you could only nod, all sense and logic had left your mind, except for the one thing your best friend had said. 

“it’s time for you to get fucked again, like… just raw, meaningless sex. no strings attached. that’s everything. believe me, that’s the best medicine.”

well, fuck, she was totally right. 

— 

toji fucked you all over your place. 

the bed wasn’t enough for someone of his patience and experience – he had expressed his urge to bend you over the counter once you both had been to worn out for another round and decided that you both got too snacky. just as you were eating some light food after all that, you in his shirt, sitting on the counter and him just in his boxers between your legs as he fed you some strawberries, before he leaned down to your ear, whispering what other nasty things he’d love to do to you. 

it wasn’t long until you were bent over the counter, his cock buried back inside as he fucked you like nobody ever had – not that you had ever anything with anyone else except with your ex-husband. 

and this was nothing like the soft, vanilla times you had with him. 

toji fucked hard. he was unrelenting, patient to tease you and most importantly: he switched up things enough but not too much to keep things interesting. 

just as he once again buried his seed deep inside of you and you were about to clean up the mess you had made with your snacking, your door bell ringed. 

your eyes widened – it was the middle of the night, who the hell would come see you at this time of hour? 

“expecting someone?”, toji asked. 

you could only shake your head and reply with a “nope. no one.” 

you quickly went to grab your panties and buttoned up toji’s shirt which was long enough to cover the entirety of your thighs and you finally opened up the door, toji shortly following you. 

“nanami? what the hell are you doing here?”, you asked, as your ex-husband was staring at you and then at toji.

READ PART TWO HERE.

[thedarkestrivernymph]

Burn

Yandere!Husband x gn!Reader

warnings: abuse, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of death, manipulative tendencies, gaslighting, murder, gore

©Copyright -2024-thedarkestrivernymph - All Rights Reserved

It burns, so agonizingly much, that uncertainty about this whole ordeal crept up your spine and settled in your chest.

Was this the right thing to do? To flee? It echoed in the emptiness that took over your head. It was perplexing and uncomfortable. You shouldn't feel empathy for him. He was crazy, deranged! Gone, a maniac, a bastard—

But maybe he was innocent and you were running away from the ghosts hunting you.

He was all that was left of your family. You didn't want to do this, you wanted him with you, loving and sweet, but it seemed that fate had different plans for the two of you. It seems that fate didn't favour you.

He had wormed himself into your life—then into your sacred family bonds, destroying what was already fragile. The mask he wore was that of a kindred spirit that sought for love, yet you never knew better than to believe the artificially crafted facade.

Prior he was an orphan, abandoned by his mother at six, which admittedly tugged at your heartstrings, even more so after learning the horrible foster parents, which was followed by the straight up ignorant adoptive family that took him in only for prestige matters.

So it wasn't that you didn't understand his desire for family, and you were even happy for him! Glad he found love in yours, yet all your hopeful dreams of finally peace settling in had vanished the moment the first of your relatives cut you off. Then a second followed, a third, a fourth until even your mom shunned you, refusing to see you any longer. They absolutely adored your husband but hated your guts.

However he didn't seem to hold the same adoration for them, no, he didn't even possess an ounce of sympathy with them as he watched them turn to ashes Infront of his very own eyes, laughing, like the maniac he was.

“Love!” he would jump up and down you remembered, seemingly over the moon by your dad praising him or your sister gifting him something meaningless as a cookie.

After he had burned down everything holy to you, he had just slipped back into your shared bed, stinking horribly of that kind of smell that reached your nose every time you left your omelette too long on the stove.

You hadn't understood then, but you did now, that that smell was foreshadowing to the petrifying news that had reached you the next day.

Everything spiralled out of your control after that day. You were completely scattered, forgetful, permanently teary-eyed, clumsy and visibly distraught.

So it started with your inability to hold up your job, which made him offer you to stay at home, while he financed you both. He was so devilishly sweet, messaging your shoulders when you were completely stiff, guiding you through breakdowns, cooking for you, feeding you. You hadn't know how you got so lucky with him.

However things became odd quickly, your friends seemed to disappear one by one, their numbers blocked, deleted or erased from existence. You were unbelievably mad, was this because of your new miserable state—the friends that swore to go through thick and thin with you, leaving you in your most vulnerable times—how could they!

Although you were burning with anger, even that was quickly forgotten thanks to him. He was your absolute everything, your entire world and you were much obviously his. You two were a match made in heaven—or at least that's what you believed until that one phone call.

“Stacey?—”

“You have to get out of there! He isn't what he seems to be— your husband, he’s crazy! He threatened me! If I didn't stop being in contact with you then he would have also murdered me like he did with your family—” your heard your friend over the phone, voice unusually frail, breaths laboured with sniffling in the background.

Your heart leaped in your chest at the sound of her frantic claims, completely unbelievable and baffling, even if your trust for her had completely evaporated, uncertainty still poisoned you and infiltrated your mind like a sickness.

Nevertheless you did end the call before she could spew anymore nonsense, sealing her terrible fate, because unbeknownst to you, that was the last time she would ever talk to anyone.

Things didn't feel normal anymore after that, suspiciousness spread through you, gnawing at your already highly sensitive nerves, you instability just making you waver back and forth from completely denying the unapparent truth and panicking that perhaps it was true. She was your friend for years after all, what reason did she have to lie?

That was until you found Stacey’s childhood diary in his possession with dried splatter of blood decorating it—as if this wasn't terrifying enough what met you on the inside made you drop the book, completely mortified and stunned into silence.

Every entry that contained your name scribbled over with hearts, anything that had to do with you underlined, things that you liked circled in like a madman.

You were terrified to say the least—she was right, she was right and you didn't believe her.

Tears welled up in your eyes and before you knew it, your feet carried you out of your shared home, still in your PJ's with slippers adorning your feet.

Which leads to this moment in the present.

Unfortunately for you, he had knowingly bought a house with your inheritance, in the middle of nowhere. You were stumbling over twigs, leaves crushing beneath your weight and before you knew it, you were running.

Yet you did forget one crucial aspect—running didn't help when he could track you down with the GPS clipped under your skin so subtly you didn't even realise he had done so.

Bang.

Pain shot through your thigh, an excruciating amount, making you instantly stumble, before tumbling down, face first into the wet earth, crying out in pain.

Blood seeped out from where he shot you, painting the forest floor a warning crimson. You tried to crawl, you attempted to flee, but all was for nothing, no one and nothing could have tear you two apart, even if it was you.

Fingers roughly whipped your head back, scalp burning from the abuse.

“There you are, love.” he spat out, the familiar warmth gone replaced by an indefinite disdain.

“You saw it, huh? You learned about everything I did for you and that's how you thank me? By running away just cuz’ I committed some petty crimes?” he shook your head violently, before shoving your face into the mud. Before he ripped your head out of the earth, starting to fall into a pattern, repeating it over and over again till your vision faded with only his words ringing into your ears, as blood ran down your presumably broken nose, eyes swelling with unshed tears of a gruesome future that awaited you.

“You're weak. And dumb. But don't you worry, I will take care of you. I will love you, look after you, clean up each mess you make, be there to rock you back and forth when you have one of your meltdowns again. So don't worry your stupid little head about anything,

just trust me, love.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 9

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: this wasn't my planned update but here we go.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Your grandmother is where she always is. In her chair reading her book. She doesn’t look up and you don’t bother saying a word. She’s getting exactly what she’s always wanted and she doesn’t even realise it. She’s getting rid of you. Another thing you’ve done for her that she’ll never acknowledge. 

You go into your room and look around. You sit on the bed and examine each wall. You’re not going to miss this place, just your freedom. There is no illusion left around Andy. He’s shown how far he’ll go to make his will your own. You don’t expect him to ‘take care of you’ as he keeps promising, not in the way it sounds. 

You huff and hold your head. You’re not going to sleep. You don’t have time to. You have to figure out what to take with you. What do you tell your grandmother? She won’t care either way, will she. She’ll finally have her empty nest. At least someone will have what they want. 

You don’t have much to your name. Your switch, your headset, controllers; that’s the expensive stuff. Your clothes are mostly used, easily replaceable. You’re not really worried about dressing up. 

You spend the hours going through every little nook and cranny. You’re not sentimental, you don’t have much that it more than material. Only a box of keepsakes from the few years of your life; a friendship bracelet the neighbour girl gave you before she moved away, some meaningless award you won in grade school for attendance, and the only thing left to you by your parents, besides resent; a baby sweater you wore when they thought they could love you. 

You fit everything you’re taking in a single bag. The rest you box up and drag out to the curb. In the early hours, the house is quiet and you try not to make too much noise. Your grandmother’s snores stir from her room. She’s blissfully ignorant just as always. 

You strip the bed and put the sheets and blanket in the wash. Hopefully you can switch it over before you go. You wipe down the furniture with a wet cloth and dust the corners and the empty closet. You’re covered in sweat and breathless by the time you have the entire space barren. You’re so tired you’re dizzy but closing your eyes only brings Andy’s voice to mind. 

There’s a creak and you raise your head as the ripples dissipate. Your grandmother slouches as she clings to the door handle and scowls. She looks around the room and her grey brow twitches. 

“Eh, what’re you doing?” She growls, “making all this noise.” 

“Leaving,” you shrug. 

“Leaving? To where?” 

You’re dumbfounded she’s even asked. You sit up and show your hands, “gotta go back to school soon anyway so I’m going to crash with Kara. I’ll leave money on the table when I go.” 

“Oh.” 

That’s all she says before she goes. She believes you only because she doesn’t care enough to doubt you. You hang your head and sigh. You can’t help but think of what Andy said. You hate to admit it but he’s right. There’s no one else who wants you. It doesn’t make him a better option, just the only. 

Thinking makes your head hurt. Or maybe that’s the lack of sleep. You check your phone and wrap up the charging cord. Morning already. Nearly 7am. You spent hours clearing out your old life; a life that was never really living. 

There’s a message waiting for you. Two. Both from Andy. The first is a good night you never answered and the second from just twenty minutes ago, asking if you’re awake. You send a thumbs up. That’s all you can handle right now. 

The call comes almost as soon as the message sends and the check mark turns blue. You answer without hesitation. Your so numb to the inevitability of it all, there’s no sense in avoiding any of it. You just want this over with even though you know it won’t be. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” Andy purrs from the other end. Your throat clenches and your cheeks tug into a frown. “How are you?” 

You go to speak and cough, your mouth dry. You clear your throat and rub your forehead as it throbs with the effort, “awake. Packed.” 

“Oh, honey, you sound tired.” 

“Mm,” you hum flatly. 

“I couldn’t sleep either,” he says, “I couldn’t stop thinking of you.” He pauses, waiting for the lies you won’t give him. “Well, when do you wanna head out? Do you need a little more time?” 

“Ready,” you utter. Not really ready but resigned.  

“Sure, sweetheart, I’ll just get myself together and be over in twenty minutes, how does that sound?” 

Why is he asking you like you have a choice? You garble an agreement and hang up. You put the phone down as you sit on the naked mattress and stare. Your head is swimming with fatigue. As you close your eyes, the fear returns. You’re really doing this. 

You fold over your lap and whimper. It’s over, not that it ever really begun. Not that you were ever really expected much. You just wanted to be your own person, have your own space, make your own way. For once in your life, you just wanted to be you. 

Andy isn’t going to let that happen. You don’t know him but you know he wants you to be something you aren’t. Whether it’s delusion or cruelty, you don’t know, but you know something isn’t right. It can never be right. 

You get up and unlock your phone. You key in a message with the last of your strength; ‘meet me at the corner’. You don’t think she’ll bother herself but you wouldn’t want your grandma to see the truth. You’re not sure she’d even care enough to judge you. 

You come out as she grumbles into a coffee cup. You roll your bag behind you and grab your jacket from the hook by the door; a light canvas one you wear in the mornings when the dew chills the air. She stares at the television as the news blares at her. 

“Here,” you take out the little bit of cash you have left to your name and place it on the table at her elbow, “I’m... going now.” 

“Erm,” she grunts and slurps the coffee. She doesn’t even look at you. Should you tell her you’re not coming back? You leave your keys with the money 

You just turn and pull your bag after you to the door, stopping only to put your shoes on. You open the front door and step out into the soft hues of morning. It would be a beautiful day if the world hadn’t gone gray. 

Your bag wheels scratch the pavement behind you, the whole thing jostling at the end of the long handle. You head down to the corner and park yourself on the curb, waiting as your eyes rove the area. You take it all in; the fences, the hedges, the cracked birdbath, and the few welcome signs on doors. 

The low whir of an engine approaches. You know without looking it’s him. But you do. You have to face it. 

“Hey,” Andy steps out as you stand on the curb. “Let me get this, sweetheart.” 

He reaches back inside the car and hits a switch. The trunk opens on its own. Is it pathetic that you’re kind of impressed by that? You’ve only seen trunks that you open with your hands. He lifts your bag inside easily and taps another button, the hatch closing slowly behind him. 

“Come on, you look beat,” he touches your shoulder and you flinch, curling inward as you shake his hand away. “I brought you a coffee. Not the hotel brew, the good stuff.” 

You numbly follow him around to the other side. He opens the car door and you stare at the interior. You take a breath and grab the trim of the door and haul yourself inside. You drop heavily into the seat and your head bounces against the rest. 

He lingers. You feel his gaze on you. He’s expecting something you can’t give him. Not yet. You don’t know if ever. You let out a murmur as he leans in to kiss your cheek. You fight not to show your disgust. 

“Just relax. I’ll drive, you get some sleep, sweetheart,” he caresses your arm. You don’t react. Not a look, not a flinch. 

He shuts the door and walks along the hood. You watch him through the windshield. He’s wearing one of those suits. Dark navy slacks and white shirt with a black tie. You let your head loll and see the matching jacket folded neatly in the back seat. 

He gets in the car, his weight felt in the axle. He hits the button to wake the engine and buckles his belt. He glances over. 

“Hey, safety first.” 

You huff. He's acting like the dad you never had. You click the seat belt into place and turn your face to the window. He inhales deeply and lets it out slow before he puts the SUV into gear. 

“You say goodbye to grandma?” 

“Mm... mhmm,” you grumble. 

“She’ll miss you, huh?” 

Your lip curls and you hide your face as you focus on the houses rolling slowly by. Why is he playing this game? Did he not throw her apathy in your face to get here? 

“Did you bring your switch? We could play some at the hotel,” he offers. 

You close your eyes and ball your fists. It takes everything you have left not to scream and hit him. It’s like he’s rubbing it in. He won! He won! 

And you lost. Just like always. 

“What about Kara?” You ask crisply. 

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re hoarse. Try some of the coffee,” he reaches to flick the top of a travel mug. You narrow your eyes as you follow the gesture. The purplish pink metal is topped with a white plastic lid. On the side, the outline of a game controller is patterned on the multicoloured finish. “It’s a good brew. Only a few places I’ve found have it. I’ll take you to the shop back home once you’re settled.” 

You’re not arguing with him. You’ve seen how far that gets you. You take the cup and pop the tab on top. You take a tentative sip as you feel the heat within. 

“I added some sugar,” he says. 

“I don’t like sugar,” you snap the lid shut and put the lid back. 

“Oh, sorry, sweetheart,” he chuckles, “guess we have a lot to learn about each other.” 

“Kara,” you insist again. 

He sighs and taps his fingers on the wheel, “I called last night. They’re holding her so we can pay the bond.” 

We? He’s not subtle. You sniff as your back racks with the sort of achiness that comes from being so tired. 

“I’ll talk to them. Get the charges knocked down. If anything, I can get them piled onto that boy she keeps around. He’s trouble, if I’ve ever seen it--” 

“Seen?” You echo, “have you... seen him?” 

He hesitates and his cheek dimples under his dark beard. He stares at the road ahead as his lips move as if he’s talking silently. Finally, he answers. 

“I only wanted to make sure you were safe. I know better than any that hanging out with the wrong crowd can get you into a lot of trouble--” 

“No, Andy, tell me. Were you watching her too?” You sit up with effort. 

“You should sleep, it’s a long drive,” he girds. 

“Andy, tell me--” 

“I had too. You cut me off and I had to be sure you were okay,” he insists. “And you weren’t. Not really. Sweetheart, things are going to be a lot better. Together. You just can’t see it right now because you never--” 

“Oh, I know what I’ve never had,” you fall back and slump against the door, “you don’t need to keep reminding me.” 

A roiling silence fills the compartment. He exhales again and slows as his blinker clicks noisily. He turns onto the next road as you feel his anxiety. Or maybe it’s your own. 

“I’m sorry. I only want...” he trails of as he measures his words, “I want to take care of you. To give you all that stuff. I don’t want you to feel bad.” 

“I’m tired,” you snip and fold your arms. 

“Right,” he says tensely, “yeah, get some sleep. Easier to talk after.” 

Talk? You’re done talking to him. He only says the same thing over and over again.  

[luvscnarios]

Heaven is a Bedroom ✩࿐࿔

Pairing :: Gallagher x fem!reader. Word Count :: 1.6k. Warnings :: one paragraph of smut 💀. Notes :: idc if Gallagher doesn't gain much traction on my acc, I still love my old man <3.

Usually, Gallagher wakes up to his dark and desolate room. The air is corroded with the odor of alcohol and potent tobacco, the curtains block out almost any sunlight, and the bed itself is threadbare with a single pillow and a few cheap sheets. It was a far cry from luxury, calling it comfy would be a stretch, but Gallagher was used to it either way. So when he opened his eyes to the blinding rays of dawn’s sunlight that streamed from the windows, he had never been more confused in his entire life. 

And if that wasn’t strange enough, he turned his head over to see you, a sweet-looking lady completely bare with your messy hair sticking up in all four directions and dark marks all over your skin. You weren’t even fazed by the fact he was in your bed, too busy sipping on water from a cat-print glass tumbler. He had to blink and rub his eyes a few times, wondering how the hell this was even happening. It wasn’t until Gallagher let out of those world-famous dad groans did finally capture your attention, tilting your head and giving him a curious look. “Good morning, sleepy. Did you sleep good?” 

You couldn’t be real. Here was a man who was in his late thirties, smelled like shitty cologne and booze, looked high half the time, and that is what you had to say? No screaming and kicking him out on the spot? Just asking him if he slept well? Gallagher had to be in heaven because you must be an angel. He sat up next to you and felt the chilly air hit his skin, realizing he was naked too. And after a good two minutes of being confused, the memories of last night finally floated back into mind.

A bar with flashing lights, blaring music, and sweaty bodies grinding up on each other. And poor little you, all alone in your tiny black dress and pink bows in your hair, left behind by all your friends. Gallagher was supposed to be bartending that night but how could he leave a vulnerable thing like you? It was painfully clear you were meant to be cozied up in the corner of a library rather than a crowded bar, too timid and quiet for your own good. So before he thought twice about messing with a young girl like yourself, he had you sat at the bar counter and chatted you up. Meaningless conversations he couldn’t remember were held and he started drinking, downing shot after shot. Not once did Gallagher realize you weren’t drinking with him, your cup of wine that he gave you for free barely half empty. Turned out that behind those innocent-looking eyes and creased brows, you were quite the charmer once in an environment you were comfortable in. Smiling, giggling, and letting the compliments spill from your lips were natural for you. And before he knew it, he was leaning in for a kiss. 

As if on cue, you turned your face so his lips landed on your cheek. Your bubbly laughter rang in his ears and all he vaguely remembered was you whispered in his ear. Something along the lines of “come home with me” and like a lovesick fool, he grabbed the nearest coworker he could find to take his spot as bartender. Sure, that probably wasn’t allowed and there was a good chance of messing up everything by leaving since he was the most skilled. But with a babe like you whose voice dripped with saccharine temptation, he was no better than a puppy. 

How he actually got to your house, he wasn’t so sure. Between the shots he had back at the bar and the darkness of the night, he didn’t know and frankly didn’t care. What he did care about was that once you guided him to your unlit room inside your quaint apartment, you were quick to strip him down. So much for those innocent eyes and timid persona, a facade to hide your appetites.

The only clear memories he had of the night before were the way you first rode him and how he watched in awe as you struggled to take him. How your mewls and whimpers filled the air along with skin slapping skin, the way you looked down at him with watery eyes for him to fuck you. The way you begged to get roughened up and how he flipped you over so he could have you in missionary. Not to mention how vividly he could recall the sensation of your legs around his waist, the skin of your neck as he gingerly kissed and nibbled on it, and your smaller hands in his large grasp. And most importantly, he remembered how you cried out his name as you came for the first time that night, his own orgasm following embarrassingly quick. 

However. That was all last night in the heat of the moment and recklessness fueled by alcohol. At least on his side. For Gallagher, he never would have thought he would so quickly hook up with such a young woman like yourself. But he thought you looked so cute, so inviting that he had to take the bait. Not that he regretted it. He would repeat last night a thousand times over if he had to. And as he sat next to you in your bed-with was soft with luxurious blankets and down pillows-he could stare at you with novel fondness. Out of all the occasional hookups he had in the past, Gallagher could confidently say you were his favorite. Whether or not you would tolerate his company now a day later was yet to be answered.  

“Err, yeah. I slept alright. How about you, doll? No soreness I hope?” He glanced around your room as he spoke, suddenly feeling very out of place. Your bed tucked in a cozy corner of your room, movie and artist posters adorning the walls. Pink shelves held lots of different houseplants and even the nightstand next to the bed had a lamp in the shape of a flower, a digital clock in pink, and several books that all had fancy-looking titles. There was your closet with sticky notes on them, no doubt serving as reminders for yourself. Your desk was on the opposite side of the room, a pegboard near it that held many trinkets and other things that you found useful. And like the cherry on top, the walls of your room were soft pink like the bows that were in your hair last night. Your room was nothing short of paradise, as adorable as you. And Gallagher felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb among the cutesy decor.  

And it also rubbed in the fact even though you were much younger than Gallagher, you managed to have your life more put together than him. That was a tiny slap to the face and a bit of a wake-up call. Even after having a messy one night stand, you went on with your normal morning routine. Before Gallagher could begin to question the direction of his life, you graciously responded to his questions as you set your water down on your night stand. 

“I’m a little sore but I don’t mind. Last night was fun.” There it was. That honeyed voice coupled with a little giggle at the end. It was crazy to even his own mind how weak that voice made him, how desperate became to hold you close. And that he did, carefully pulling flush against his side. Gallagher wasn’t sure what reaction he was expecting, but he was uncharacteristically happy when you reciprocated his gesture by hugging his side. He pressed lazy kisses on your silly bed hair and let out an audible “awe” at the sight of you holding him so tight. 

His chest was twisting painfully. That never happens after a hookup. If anything, he’s gone before the other person wakes up. And yet, he felt so welcomed in the fuzzy blankets of your bed and your embrace. How he would give to fall asleep with your sweaty body clinging to him again with your cheek squished against his chest. To wake up in your darling little room with plants and posters all over. You were as fresh as springtime flowers, in the height of your bloom while Gallagher was nothing more than a dog running all over. But then again, the saying “stop and smell the roses” must exist for a reason. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to relax and stay a little longer. Brushing his lips against your ear he simply whispered, “Say the words and I’m gone. If not…I know a good breakfast place.”

You take a moment to think and his heart dropped at the idea of being kicked out so brazenly. Then Gallagher mentally kicked himself for thinking so ahead. The two of you met last night, shared one intimate moment and he himself could barely remember all the details. A very crappy way to get to know someone, but he still wanted to try. You were the younger one here but you made his heart feel like a schoolboy in love, even if he didn’t show it. 

Thank goodness you were a literal angel because you nodded at his proposal, sealing the deal with a kiss to his lips. It’s soft and chaste with your hand cupping his face, but Gallagher still silently reveled in the tenderness of it. You pull away and he admires your beauty: from those alluring doe eyes and tempting lips to the dark love bites he left on your skin. Something was growing within Gallagher, something he hasn’t felt in so long, but for once he was just going to let things run their course. 

“Sure, I’m down for breakfast. You pay, of course. And we’ll call it a date.”

[angelstate]

FWB!Ghost x InloveFemReader.

FWB!Ghost who hates commitment, he doesn’t care about being in a relationship or romantic shit in the slightest, so you don’t even try to come asking for anything else than meaningless sex because he won’t give it to you, he doesn’t have the stomach to do so, neither the heart capable of feeling that sort of things.

FWB!Ghost only knows how to fuck you rough and hard, to make you feel more pain than pleasure, and fill your skin with bite marks and bruises. he doesn’t know gentleness nor care to learn, aftercare is fucking nonexistent with him, if you feel shitty after fucking then you better dress quickly and figure it out in your own house because he is too tired to care.

FWB!Ghost pretends like nothing happens between the two of you when there are people around, he won’t fuck you in the bathroom of a random bar or a dark alleyway, he wants no part in being associated with you in a romantic way. sex is just sex with him, nothing else so don’t get ideas on your mind, he won’t entertain them.

FWB!Ghost is as loving as a rock, with no emotions other than sarcasm and anger coming from him. He doesn’t understand why to stick around but doesn’t care enough to ask, one day you’ll leave him, it is only a matter of time, so he keeps himself clueless on how you see him so as not to strain the “friendship” you have in any way. (he doesn’t consider you a friend)

FWB!Ghost tried to pay you after the first time you had sex because he didn’t want you to think he took advantage of you or that he loved you in any way, it was just an exchange, a way for him to take out his frustration and for you…he isn’t sure what you get but it must be good because you keep coming back to him.

FWB!Ghost who definitely fucks other women, you aren’t the first or the last on the long list of people he has put his dick inside of, but you are the only one that stuck around and the only one he allows to stick around, no matter how much he tries to deny it, he feels like he owes it to you, maybe because he tried to pay you the first time he fucked you, maybe because you were a friend of Soap first that got introduced to a disgusting man like himself or maybe he just feels a bit guilty of how he treats you constantly (he doesn’t change though, at least not for a very long time.)

FWB!Ghost isn’t all bad at times, if you’re telling him something he listens to you till you finish, he sometimes buys you things you want, all sex-related of course, and he isn’t going to pretend he cares about your interest (he does care) he has been more times at a sex store and victoria secret than at a grocery store in the last 3 months.

FWB!Ghost secretly does enjoy spending time with you, don’t get him wrong, he values solitude and having space for himself, but you are good company, you please him in more ways than you just in the bedroom, you cook his favorite foods, watch horror movies even though he knows you hate them, you listen to the little information he gives you about his missions like his words are manuscripts from the bible.

FWB!Ghost loves little things in life, and he would never open his heart for anything or anyone that can hurt him, he doesn’t allow it out of self-preservation, having learned from his past experiences, he loved his family and they were dead because of him, he doesn’t want more blood on his hands, not of the people he loves. (but he doesn’t love you, right?)

FWB!Ghost is comfortable in silence, but with you being oh-so-quiet when you often talk till you have nothing more to say is definitely a strange sight, one that takes his breath away and makes him want to throw up. because he knows silence from you means something is eating you alive so much so you can’t speak.

so he watches you with careful yet empty eyes, nothing is ever really quiet with you, you’re a stubborn woman and he knows that, he knows you like the back of his hand, so when you stare at him, doe eyes full of something he can read it brings a set of emotions he thought he had buried a long time ago. and when you open your mouth to speak but stay silent it becomes his breaking point. “spit it out, will you?” he speaks, his tone rude even though he doesn’t mean to sound that way.

he sees your eyes become wider for a second, bringing your knees to your chest and looking away from him. He hates when when you shut him out of the sight that is your face, always so expressive he doesn’t even have to hear you to know what you think. “I can't do this anymore, I don’t want to do this anymore” you finally speak and time freezes for a second.

Stranger!Ghost doesn’t regret a lot of things in life, nothing burdens his heart to the point of continuous regret, to undying guilt…except you. He knows he wasn’t a kind man, he didn’t know kindness then and doesn’t know it now, but looking back he knows he should’ve learned for you, he should’ve allowed himself to love and accept that letting someone into his life and heart wouldn’t be a death sentence for that person.

Stranger!Ghost isn’t an honest man at all, but when he’s alone and his feeling catch up to him he can’t help to accept he indeed loves you, that he cared about you more than himself, and that he wished to be your lover, to be your husband to…to have a fucking family and a dog and all that corny shit he swore he hated for years.

He had an unknown hope for you to not give up on him back then, to always stick around no matter what because that’s exactly what you did for a long time, you were there and wore the bruises he gave you with honor and love he never understood, he did now.

He saw something shift in you the night you told him you couldn’t keep him around anymore, he remembers your words, they are engraved in his mind so strongly that they keep him up at night sometimes, and when he is drunk he thinks of calling, to confirm you don’t want him anymore.

Stranger!Ghost who can’t help but get drunk and let a few tears fall when he finds out through Soap that you had gotten married to your first love and were now pregnant, waiting to welcome a little girl into the world, and that your husband had gifted you a puppy as to complete the family.

Stranger!Ghost heart aches at the fact he isn’t the man who made you a mother and that he isn’t the father of your child, but he knows not to come into your life again, you deserve peace and build a family without ever facing him again, he wasn’t going to be cruel to you again, he was going to stay away out of love for you, love you will never know about.

[wherenymphsroam]

don’t say it’s unholy, if I let you come hold me (pt 1)

⟡ -- leon finds you drowning your grief in the back of a bar just outside of town. but don't worry, he won't blow your cover.

w/c: 2.1k

warnings: themes of coping with grief and depression, implied underage drinking and unhealthy coping mechanisms, vendetta leon, leon is just a wee bit morally grey here just due to the point in his life this is staged during, no sex but explicit language, leon is readers dad's coworker/friend, angst - eventual sex

a/n: okay, I've been sitting on this baby for a hot minute just because of how self indulgent it is iaqhdsiuwsjih. I wanted to make this longer before I released it, but I think I'm going to just continue this in parts (and even then, don't hold me to that lol judgwiuhd !!). again, please heed warnings, and if you are uncomfortable with any themes presented, please just don't read!

playlist: unholy (hey violet), disconnect (she wants revenge), discipline (nine inch nails), paralyzer (finger eleven)

You shouldn’t be here.

By all legal and ethical means, morality aside, you should be at the library, studying for a final you know damn well you won’t be passing. Or better yet, at home. Maybe poured over a mug of tea, that blend your mom has made you since you were a kid. Some shitty romcom playing in the background, ignored as you doze off surrounded by papers, scattered around the dining table like any other honorable, dutiful college student. Not some… dingy, shithole bar outside the parameters of your hometown.

(One you know your dad doesn’t frequent with colleagues. One you know is just outside the radius of people that would see you here, know you enough to know you shouldn’t be here.)

Maybe you would be back home right now, studying until you felt like your brain was going to melt out of your ears, if not for what happened. The “would’ve” “could’ve” and “should’ve”s are stacked high in your brain, like a mountain of now unattainable possibilities laid bare, slain by the events of recent nights. Something so chilling, so bone shattering and brain dissolving you just can’t manage to wrap your head around it. 

‘Shock’, right? 

That was the operative term for the numbness that has recently buzzed dully in your limbs, the heaviness of your own weight whenever you roll out of bed every day. The term itself is thrown around so flippantly, so easily outside the walls of a hospital, a clinic. General medical common knowledge be damned, everyone knows what shock is.

'Shock' is being betrayed by your child who marries someone of the same gender, rendering you and your paper thin beliefs meaningless. Generations passed down worth of indoctrination gone moot by one, unholy union. It’s coming home and finding your husband in bed with another woman, that blonde bitch at his front desk. The one he told you not to worry about? Yeah, that one. 

It’s the unspeakable, the unimaginable striking. It’s blinding, horrid in how it leaves you.. Empty. You’re compelled to apologize for its effects on your nervous system.

Sorry guys, I promise I’m sad. I know I don’t look it, I’m taking it out on all this- shit lying around. I’ve been meaning to throw this out for ages you know. Guess I finally have a reason now, huh? No, I don’t know how much sleep I’ve gotten the past week, it’s probably fine. I’m fine, don’t worry about me. That’ll make me feel worse. Now, if you would, let me go finish my manic episode in peace, will you-?

Could you blame this too as to why you finally dug out that fake ID your friends coerced you into agreeing to?

This wasn’t like you, not one bit. I mean, really, sitting in the back of some gnarly bar, surrounded with the sorts of people Daddy always warned you about? The sorts of people that only came out after dark, that hung around till dawn when they would then go back to dwell in whatever crevice of the city they called home until dusk? Maybe this was moms genes catching up with you – the predisposed ones you always knew would come to bite you in the ass. Maybe you should go check your eyes, don’t people's pupils dilate when they’re manic? “Crazy eyes'' those people on Tiktok would call them, right? 

“Unwidin’, huh?”

His voice calls through the air between you like he might’ve well been standing yards away. It takes you a moment longer than maybe appropriate to track his distance, his place at your side at the bartop. Glancing over, you first get a look at his hand, gesturing to the drink in front of you, the cigarette dangling between your fingers. The one that was currently beginning to slip in your weakened grip, speaking of. 

They’re long, nimble. Broad hands, worn at the tips, smooth along the meat of his palms. Even under the hazy atmosphere surrounding you, you can make out the glint of the watch up his sleeve – probably expensive, if the quality of the leather of his jacket sleeve has anything to say about it. Look at you. Even buzzed like this, you were spotting the finer details. A daddy’s girl with daddy’s tolerance.

Despite yourself, you nod numbly, head heavy on the bracket of your neck. A sign directly arguing with the idea of your tolerance – or rather, lack thereof – but it can't be as noticeable as your brain is attempting to trick you into believing, right?

Leon settles into the stool next to you, and you don’t so much as cast him a proper glance. Maybe that’s why he finds himself sitting down. You looked out of place, like a damn kicked puppy with your head drowning in a few shots worth in the back of this bar. It was a wonder no one else had approached you up till this point, especially given the time of night. It was hard not to feel like your guardian angel. 

“We both know this ain’t the healthiest way to do it.” He says as he flags the bartender down.

Touche, mystery man. 

Well, alright. Technically you knew the guy. You vaguely recognized him as one of Dad’s colleagues through the haze of your buzz. It was too sweet to interrupt, you find yourself completely unfazed in the face of the inevitable consequences that would come from your fathers colleague finding you here.

If anything, you couldn’t complain.

His voice was nice. Beyond “nice” actually. If you were any more wasted, you’d take him for a certain type of actor. More specifically, the ones you listen to late at night. The ones that speak to you behind pseudonyms and expensive microphones, nestled into crevices of the internet any mentally stable person wouldn’t dream of wandering into.  

You know better than to entertain that thought for more than a few seconds, even despite the dregs of nicotine floating through your blood coaxing you towards such a mental image. 

Finally, you brave a glance over your shoulder at him. He’s pretty. Real pretty. How are you only just noticing how sharp his eyes are? They look darker under this bar's lighting, that typically professional, almost playful glint in his gaze nowhere to be found. It had been a few years since you’d last seen him… maybe it was age finally starting to jade him.

Not that you knew the specifics. He was easily older than you by a decade and some change. And clearly all too happy to bypass all niceties in this situation. Damn. Did you look that bad? He was pretty enough to be an angel, but that didn’t mean he had to act like one. Maybe he felt bad for you. Maybe he had a better head sitting on his shoulders than a better half of the people in here. 

A huff of soft breath leaves through your nose, tendrils of smoke swirling out of your system with the action. Shaking your head, you dip it, taking another long drag from your quickly burning cigarette, an excuse to try and string together some sort of response that won’t make an ass out of you. Or actually, anything that didn’t scream “you’re hot and I don’t know how to conduct myself around good natured, attractive men” would do just fine. Those damn eyes of his… it was a mistake, letting your gazes lock. His eyes alone were enough to make your stomach flip. 

“Well,” you mutter, not daring to look back at him. “This is better than my plan b for the night.” 

You don’t so much as flinch when the bartender comes over, taking an order he murmurs in a tone you want spoken against the shell of your ear from behind. Your periphery catches the actions of the bartender pouring his order into a short glass, bronze in color.

Whiskey. Of course.

Reaching for the middle of the table, you stub your cigarette in a conveniently placed ashtray. Sure, you were a little fucked up in a way you’ve never been before tonight, but you had manners. 

Meanwhile, Leon is doing what he does best. Observing. He tries his best not to make it obvious how he watches your hand wobbles when you lift it. He watched the subtle change in your expression when he called to you, how your head bobbed when he sat down. Anyone else would be paying attention to how quickly you recoiled with the action, as if self conscious of your dragged reaction time. However, he had spotted the tension in your slouched shoulders. A reaction rooted in self preservation, a fear of judgment. It was enough to tell him just how many shots you probably had in your system. 

He was no stranger to girls like you, ‘situations’ such as the one he was currently sitting next to.

It was a familiar, cliche dance – the unspoken, drowning struggles of a near stranger on display, insecurities risen to the surface like hemorrhaged blood under thinned skin. It was written all over you. You were scrappy, worn paper, and he was the storm settling overhead. Baring your weariness and struggle and strife to his blind eye, painting you transparent. He could see right through you. You were running from something. Likely attempting to drown, bury it somewhere deep if not for just a night or so. 

“‘Plan B’?” he questions, tone calm, even almost lighthearted. It betrays his sharp gaze, perceptive and on guard as ever. As if he were approaching an injured doe in the wild. Not that he’s done much hunting lately. He’s found that meat off the streets bleeds more freely than the skin of doe’s and rabbits does in present times. 

A wry smile tugs at your lips, almost as if you figured he’d press the topic. It was already too much to ask that he didn’t mention your connection to his coworker, how Leon knew you were definitely not supposed to be somewhere like this, and he had managed to uphold that silent prayer.

Maybe your otherwise handicapped condition was blurring whatever lines that stood between you right now, the lines that constructed what he should be doing, finding you here without a legitimate ID.  He should be outing you to the bartender, dragging you out of this place by the scruff of your neck with your dad dialed into his phone.

He shouldn’t be… entertaining you, right? Could you go so far as to call his complacent presence.. Encouragement?

Taking a seat beside you, joining you in your mission to drown your ache, your pain. Keeping you calm under his gaze, as if a sedative rolled off him in gentle waves. His throat bobs around his sip of whiskey, and you can’t help how your gaze lingers on the action. 

“Plan B consisted of finding someone to fuck me into next week,” you mutter dryly, as if the admission of your half hearted ‘plans’ for tonight left a sour taste in even your mouth. It wasn’t who you were. This wasn’t what you did. For fucks sake, you weren’t even supposed to have gotten this far, knee deep in an actively self destructive decision. But life sure did have one hell of a way of knocking you one hundred eighty degrees in the other direction, didn’t it?

No. That’s an excuse. A shitty one, at that. It's an excuse you've heard your dad mutter under his breath when he slouches into the couch with a beer in hand.

This is a poor choice, and you knew this was a poor choice. And yet, that didn’t stop you from walking your happy ass into this bar, nose up and full of talked up confidence you poured into yourself in the parking lot. No amount of tugging and pulling and pleading your guilty conscience did on your brain would stop you, not this time. You knew that getting into an Uber to haul you outside the lines of town would seal your fate to the whims of this bar. How classy. 

If Leon was a worse man, he’d take your words at face value. (Or maybe he’s just damned with all that thorough training he’s been rung through. It’s practically impossible not to read people nowadays. Even alcohol has ceased to debilitate him of this begrudgingly equipped set of skills that was all but pummeled into him.) 

His gaze wavers. Flickers, almost with a wash of amusement for a moment. You were trying oh so hard, taking that clipped, short tone with him, all but puffing your chest with this aura of  mental toughness you likely wanted to think you had. It was cute, really. But oh, the lacing of desperation in your tone... The sweet vulnerability in your breath… every hairline fracture your already cracking front is bleeding. 

He doesn’t have to be a bloodhound to want to dig for more. He just can’t help himself. 

thank you for reading! I have emergency commissions open, so if you enjoyed this piece, please consider taking a look at my menu or rb’ing :^)

[savannahsdeath]

"I'm supposed to protect you."

knight!ellie x princess!reader

warnings: angst, readers mom is reaallyyy annoying (my mommy issues speaking up), being forced to get married (typical for those times), hidden/not tolerated relationship kinda, execution and bad english cuz its my second language sorry bear w me😮‍💨😮‍💨

writers note: wait .. im actuslly surprisingly proud of this one ?? this was supposed to be a lil 1k special because its the first long one shot im posting i think ..anyways enjoy pookies<3<3

'understand that when you leave here

you'll be clear among the better man'

≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫

you looked at the prince from across the table. you tried to find something—anything that'd remind you of her, so your agony will stop, or at least decrease. but even his green eyes, the same color as hers, weren't looking at you with such admiration. his sword was just as shiny, sharp and impressive, but it wasn't made to protect you. and his words, oh his words... they were smart and stern, slightly softening when speaking to you - his soon to be wife - but they were meaningless compared to hers.

you knew that's what awaits you, you were preparing for this moment since the day you were born, but this fact didn't make it any better - any easier to accept.

you peeked a last glance at him - the prince, considered being the most handsome out of all principalities. but he was also the love of your life, against your own will, and that made your body fill with disgust. your face heated up and your hands started shaking, so you stared down, trying to pretend you're focused on eating. the view of your plate, the not finished meal, made the nausea only worse.

you stood up, making a loud scraping noise when your chair moved on the wooden floor. everyone's eyes were on you.

your stare was shifting across the known and unknown faces for a split second, your gaze lingering for a little longer on your mother's disappointed, scolding face.

"i'm sorry." you muttered and quickly left the dining room, leaving a chord of whispering, probably gossiping voices behind you.

you felt your eyes starting to water up, single tears slowly falling down. you just pushed forward, hoping to find an empty corner in the hallways full of busy maids and other services.

"your highness?" someone asked, but you felt too overwhelmed to think who it was. eventually, the person forcefully grabbed your arm. even though the touch was soft and somehow comforting, you stopped walking and aggressively broke your hand free.

"how dare you—!" you shouted, sounding more sad than mad. whoever it was, you had to admit that touching princess like that was brave. you turned around and through your blurry from tears vision saw your knight, number one protector, staring at you in deep disbelief and concern. "i'm sorry." you murmured and quickly began making your way to your dorm again. you wiped your cheeks with your palm, not bothering to find a tissue in the pockets of your uncomfortable but pretty dress.

the footsteps won't stop - in fact, they surpassed you and their source blocked your way.

"what happened?" ellie asked, raising her arms to caress your face, but not doing it yet - not without your permission.

you grabbed her wrists and brought her hands to your face, leaning into her touch and falling apart in this exact second. she spent a moment trying to calm you down, but even her proximity wasn't enough. she started dragging you outside, before anyone could find you both like that.

she stayed quiet until you found yourself in the castle's backyard, decorated with every kind of flowers possible. it was already dark, since you spent the whole day preparing for your wedding. without a word, she lay down on the grass and patted the space next to her, motioning for you to do the same, and so you did. for a second nothing but silence comforted both of you. you looked at the stars, trying to find any constellations your teacher told you about. the last wet tears on your cheeks started to flow down, leaving only barely visible drying stains.

you thought about how ellie treats you, and how you treat her. does every princess feels so warm whenever her knight is near?

you felt embarrased at the thought, and about the current situation. you were allowed to cry. your cherries were too sweet? too sour? cry about it, blame everyone and act all hysterical because it's, obviously, the end of the world! you have every right to do that - you're the princess and everyone should risk their life if it means you will be satisfied.

no. you weren't like that. you didn't cry when you cut your palm with a kitchen knife or when the wound won't heal properly. you accepted the doctor's help and, what's unbelievable, thanked him for it. how could you be grateful to someone who isn't royal in any way? you'll never forget how mad your mother was back then.

while your gaze was on the sky, ellie's was on you. you could feel it, so you turned your head to the side - and you were right, prince's eyes were really nothing compared to hers.

she spoke up as soon as she saw she has your attention; "is it because of the stress?"

"stress?" you repeated, biting your bottom lip, almost making it bleed.

"maybe you're sick?" she put her hand on your forehead, surely trying to find an excuse to be close to you. or maybe she was really concerned? your cheeks were probably really red due to her closeness, she could misinterpret it. "are you feeling unwell, your highness?"

you looked away, trying to brush your flushness away by getting lost in the moonlight. the full moon was approaching, and you tried to guess how many days are there left. maybe four?

ellie's hand slowly slid down your face, stopping on your chin, before slowly leaving your body. "you should be excited." she stated, but her tone made it sound like she was ranting about it. maybe you're not the only one who's not happy about the situation.

"well, i'm not." you shrugged, trying to sound as emotionless as possible, though it probably made your discomfort even clearer. your eyes wandered around the sky and you raised your hand, pointing at seven stars. "look, big dipper."

she took a moment to find the constellation, before slowly and firmly pushing your arm down. "i need to know what's wrong." she sighed, her worried eyes begging you for an answer.

an answer you couldn't give her, because what were you supposed to say?

"you don't." you denied in a quiet tone.

"please," she continued, stubbornly not giving up, "i'm supposed to protect you."

another sigh, this time yours. you stayed silent for a moment, before spotting different stars creating a familiar shape. before your hand could fully raise, ellie held it down. in any other circumstances, she would get roughly punished for treating you like that. she was lucky you wanted to be treated like that - like a normal human, and not a piece of delicate glass.

"i don't want him." you finally admitted, rolling onto your side to look at her. "he doesn't want me, either."

she scanned your expression, her own seeming deadly serious. you looked down and saw some smudges of dirt on your dress, hoping your mother won't notice them.

she frowned a little, knitting her eyebrows together. "i'm sure he does."

"then he's bad at showing it." you muttered and saw her confusion deepen. "why would you bring me here?" you looked around and took a deep breath, enjoying the scent of flowers. their colorfulness was visible even despite the late, dark time, standing out above the solid green grass.

she thought about your question for a quite long time, not sure is it tricky or rhetorical. "i like this place." she finally spoke up, her lips turning into a soft smile.

"no, i'm asking..." you shook your head, fixing your rolled down sleeves. "why would you bring me here?"

this wasn't a question she expected. even you weren't planning it and now you regretted pushing this subject. what answer did you expect? no matter what would it be, you still wouldn't be satisfied.

"it's important to me." she tugged a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, before caressing your cheek. "and so are you." you stared at her lips as she spoke, admiring how soft they look even though the words leaving them were serious and important. as soon as she finished, your gaze shifted back to her eyes.

"i think—" you gulped, feeling the meaning behind her phrase weigh on you. "i think this is something i need to hear from the prince. from my—" husband. say it. the voice in your head tried to convince you it's not a bad word, but it just felt so wrong. you felt like you're close to breaking down everytime you remembered you're his wife. well, you'll be tomorrow.

"i mean what i said, your highness." her thumb traced the outline of your lips, as her own uncontrollably parted. your body trembled and your eyes closed shut for a while. before you opened them, you heard her body shifting and soon, you felt her lips on yours.

the kiss confirmed your belief that she is soft, but she was even softer than you imagined. her fingers glided across your face, gently stroking it and moving your hair out of the way. her body fit so perfectly into yours, like she was made for you, and you were made for her. you felt something strange in your stomach, like you just got rid of a knot inside it, though you didn't even know it was there in the first place. the time was fleeting but you managed to remember every little detail, so when she pulled away you let out a satisfied sigh.

"i'll miss you, ellie." ugh, addressing to a knight by their name in such a soft voice- if only your mother was there. but it was only you two, surrounded by the beautiful scent of flowers and stars which seemed to be hanging right above your heads.

she smiled, though there was a hint of surprise, maybe confusion, in her expression. "i'm not going anywhere."

"but once i'm married, i'll leave with the prince." you stammered, your eyes suddenly glistening. her own became glossy, like they were covered in a thin mirror glass which perfectly reflected the moonlight. "i have to." you added after a moment, making sure she knows it wasn't your choice.

"i—" she started but didn't make a second attempt to speak after her voice drifted off once. she rolled onto her back and looked at the sky. "this is your home, your highness. you can't leave." she seemed to plead you to stay, and god, how much you wanted to...

"i'm scared." you admitted, your gaze desperately lingering on her, as if she'll disappear once you look away.

"of him?" she inquired as her hand found yours and gently rested on it.

your arm tensed at her sudden touch, but your whole body relaxed as soon as her thumb started stroking your palm. deep breath. "of living without you." you whispered, ashamedly looking to the other side to avoid her. you felt her squeezing your hand, and your grip on her also tightened. you started silently begging for the ability to stay like that forever, even if it meant you will spent the eternity in silence and with teary eyes. it would be the best reward you could ask for, a dream coming true.

──────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────

the first thing you felt after finally coming to your senses was your mother fastening the corset, tightening it to the point your breath hitched. an hour of scolding for you leaving the dinner passed and now she went back to her stern, rough, but at least not mad facade. you weren't listening to whatever she was saying, thinking about how did you end up in your bed this morning. did you came here by yourself and you just don't remember? or maybe you fell asleep, ellie carried you here and tucked you in bed? at just this single idea of her, your mind wandered to the previous late evening. you felt overwhelmed by the memory of her words and, most importantly, her kiss. your breath got heavier, the corset not making it any easier to stay calm. your body started suddenly sweating, as if a wave of heat just washed over you.

"mother— i'm in love." you blurted out, before you could think of the consequences. you just had to get that off your chest.

"well, that's good." you saw a small smile creating on her lips. you finally received a human-like kindness from her, probably for the first time in years. "i hope you won't change your mind before the wedding."

your worry quickly turned into confusion and, eventually, the same disgust as yesterday. "i'm not talking about the prince!" you paused and looked down, not wanting to drag the topic but, at the same time, not able to stop it. "it's one of the knights." you really weren't controlling the words coming out of your mouth and that could only mean one thing - problems. "ellie."

your mother quickly spun you around and forcefully grabbed your chin. "i'm not even surprised." she hissed, making sure you know how disappointed in you she is. "but i won't tolerate that." the sharpness of her statement successfully shut you up, so you didn't argue nor pushed the topic when she went back to preparing you for the big, big day. she started acting like nothing happened and kept reminding you about how important it is. of course she only cared about her own good, or at least it felt like so, as she silenced you everytime you wanted to speak.

everyone was formally dressed, even the poorest maids found something noble. they all cutely smiled at your sight, probably impressed by your dress. the dominant color was clearly white, a sign of purity which you seemed to lack. that's what your mother made you believe, at least. but maybe she was a bit right after all? because your feelings towards ellie- oh, ellie.

you shook your head, forcing yourself to get her out of your mind. you looked at the service again, and they all immediately flashed you a smile as if on command. you reciprocated the gesture, though you could guess what was really on the women's mind. they hated you. they hated the ungrateful princess which would pick a knight over a prince. your obvious dissatisfaction, even without knowing the real reason behind it, seemed stupid. if only you could swap your places with one of them— not only you'd make her happy, but you and ellie could... oh, so you're thinking of ellie again.

you tried to move your veil so it'd cover the tears in your eyes, but there was always someone who'll fix it for you, not knowing you're doing it intentionally. you felt weak. physically and, mostly, mentally. because your knees, which barely held you up, which felt so light compared to the rest of your body as if they were made of cotton wool, everything above could be explained. by stress. but the intangible weakness was way worse. the prince seemed really nice and wasn't too old, you could get along well. but your heart was already taken by...

you turned around and your gaze wandered across the benches - you saw your family on the one side, his on the other, and a row of services against the wall. you could only think about one thing. where's ellie?

the question intrigued you to the point you started mouthing it to yourself, imagining 'if i were her, where would i go?'. but did it matter? she could be everywhere - in her room, in the garden - the point is, she wasn't there. your mother noticed your anxiety and walked over to you, hoping she'll be able to stop you from ruining the ceremony.

"where's ellie?" you immediately asked, frowning but calming down as there was someone able to answer your question.

"ellie?" she queried with a frown on her own, though hers quickly softened. "oh, the knight. look, there's other knights—"

"but ellie..." you cut her off with a sigh. "only she can protect me." you looked at the opened, massive doors, staring at the little stairs leading to the church you were in now, hoping to see her.

"there are dozens of more experienced knights." she rolled her eyes, discretely pointing at the row. "you and your stupid whims." with that, she left you and the prince alone at the altar. you awkwardly fidgeted with your fingers. you didn't need experienced knights, you didn't need knights at all - you needed ellie. she knew you have nightmares after arguing with your mom or during full moon, and she was there for you. she helped you take off your corset when you were alone, because she knew how much you hate it. she wasn't only your protector, she was someone way more important. not your friend. she was the love of your life. and you had to realise that right before the priest started the ceremony. great.

the whole time, you just watched the doorstep through the corner of your eye. there's no way she'd miss the wedding, so you couldn't help but wonder 'what did my mother do to her?'. you knew you're being naive, but you couldn't stop yourself from it.

you weren't listening at all, but one statement caught your attention, since priest's voice got louder and more stern.

"should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

a wave of gasps filled the room and as you looked back at the doorstep, you saw that your prayers have been answered. her hand was covered in blood, probably her own since she had it pressed against her stomach as if to stop it from bleeding. you couldn't see how badly she was hurt, since her clothes were messy and torned. she was breathless and her knees seemed to be as weak as yours, but she still managed to shout a raspy; "i object."

it caused a bitter laugh from your mother, followed by shouting at the knights to get her. they hestitated, respecting ellie as one of the best equestrians, but they had no choice. they weren't acting quick or aggresive, and she'd easily get away if she wanted to. she knew her objection won't stop anything and it'll only get her in problems, as if she doesn't have enough yet. but she also knew this was her last chance to show that she'll always, at least try to, protect you. not only from dangerous rebels, but also a non-threatening man you're forced to be with.

you grabbed your dress, slightly rolling it up so you won't stumble as you run, but someone's hands held you in place. you turned around to see the prince and, i have to add, you never really blamed him for that. he had no idea who's ellie, maybe he thought she was a bad person, considering the queen's reaction. everything would be probably even worse if you'd have the chance to intervene. you understood that, though you couldn't calm down for long after ellie was taken out anyway.

the priest looked at your mother, asking the question to which the answer intrigued everyone. "continue." she commanded in her usual firm tone. you could see her mumbling a quiet "this stupid girl won't ruin the wedding" under her breath, but it went unnoticed by everyone except you.

and so the celebration continued as if nothing happened. you stood hand in hand with a man you'll spent the rest of your life with, believing he will never love, know or even see you in the way ellie does. you knew he won't stroke your wet from sweat hair after a tough night, he won't help you dress up and, what hurt the most, he won't take you to the castle's backyard just to rest and watch the sky.

you thought about running away, but the row of ready knights who only waited for the queen's orders made you lose your hope. of course they'd probably hesitate for a moment too, giving you some time, but you still didn't stand a chance. plus, you had different things going on your mind, keeping you busy and unfocused on the ceremony. namely - what will happen to ellie?

──────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────

you saw an envelope laying on your desk, having only your name on it. you teared it apart, impatiently wanting to get the paper out. you knew who's it from right after reading the first two words - not only because of ellie's handwriting, but also the way she addressed to you; 'my princess.' my princess.

believe me, all too aware am i of what i did. a lot happened behind your back but it is not a topic we should discuss like that. my friend took care of me, and even with the cold taking my body over i am just proud i am still alive, with the chance to write to you. i did something reckless but i believe it was caused by love. luccy says the same, we both think the thought of you controlled me. i could never forgive myself if i didn't see you in that dress. i think this is how i will forever remember you - dressed in white, looking so pure and angelic. i won't waste the ink for trying to compare you to anything, because i will miserably fail. nothing can be compared to you.

how does being married feel? i think you were unnecessarily scared. besides my little antic, it went smoothly. that is what i am told, at least, by the people in town. the queen was wrong about them, they are much more than poor slums. well, maybe they are poor, but i am truly in love with their modest cottages. they do not need much, they are happy with what they are given, and there is something magical about it. i think i would want to live like that. with you warming the other side of our bed. we don't need anyone else, i am sure we would enjoy life on our own.

the wound on my stomach seems to heal correctly. luccy thinks it will leave a scar, but i have some already, so what is one more? our biggest problem is food, because my friend gets a portion which is only enough for her. your mother took my money and weapon, the injury makes me useless anyway. to make matters worse, i have to stay in hiding. i haven't seen the sky since your wedding. oh, the things i would do to see big dipper again. i am not sure how it looks anymore, i have to admit i wasn't paying much attention. i apologize, but in my defense, my focus was on you. you are more interesting than any constellations.

i hope your poesy ring is pretty, at least. i want you to rememeber that you will always be in my heart and a simple ring other man gave you won't change it. maybe he did claim you, but i see you as mine anyway. my princess.

the letter wasn't signed, maybe to avoid any problems if someone else found it, but you were sure who's job is it. you quickly took a piece of paper for yourself to write, but you remembered the envelope didn't contain her address. you were left alone, your only hope was praying you'll get more messages from her. you could try to find her, ask the town residents, but they'd quickly start gossiping.

you looked down - at your promise ring. you couldn't deny that it was perfect and most definitely woth a lot, an ordinary resident of your kingdom could probably afford a food supply for the rest of their life with it. it was way too loose, so you started rolling it around your finger, deep in thought.

──────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────

your mother pushed you forward, motioning you towards the gate. you saw a young woman led by a pair of knights, just another prisoner. she intensively stared at you and you wanted to ran up to her, no matter how suspicious it'd be. she just seemed so... familiar.

you slowed down, much to your mother's displeasure. "where are we even going?" you inquired, glancing at the carriage. days passed and you should be in prince's castle by now. yet, his visit kept getting longer.

"surprise." she murmured, her tone sucking every remaining bit of happiness inside of you.

you looked back at the woman, getting further and further away from you with each step. you hestitated between obeying your mother or trusting your intuition. the second option prevailed as soon as you saw, or at least could swear that you saw her mouthing ellie's name. you ran up to her, ignoring the queen's shouting at you to go back. the knights ignored you, holding the prisoner's wrists behind her back. you had to walk backwards in order to be able to look at her face. your dress made it hard, but you had to find out what's going on.

"ellie." the woman spoke up, her voice was weak but not from sadness, it sounded more as if she lost it due to screaming for too long. "i'm sorry, your highness. i couldn't protect her—"

"you tried." you cut her off, trying to sound reassuring. "where is she?"

luccy bit her lip and looked down. you wanted to push the topic, but as you turned around to see if you have any obstacles on the way, you saw you're already near the basement - were prisoners were usually located. without thinking, you took your ring off and put it in her pocket. maybe she'll be able to bribe the knights, and even if not, she'll definitely need it more than you.

as you went back to your mother, her yelling wasn't getting to you. you didn't pay attention to anything she said and once she finished, you whispered a quiet; "where are we going?" again. she, obviously, got even more mad at you for ignoring her. the whole ride passed rather quickly, as you relaxed to the melody of your mother rambling about how much of a disappointment you are.

when you arrived to an open area, full of people of all social degree, you felt a knot in your stomach. your whole body was either hurting or weak. you didn't see what are the residents watching, but only big events get so much viewers. you left your mother behind, though this time she didn't try to stop you with her worthless shouting as you made your way through the crowd. you probably hurt a lot of people while doing so, but it was worth it, as you were now standing in the first row, right in front of the... oh. gallows.

a wave of nausea and tears washed over you and you had to hold yourself up by an unknown man's arm. he didn't complain - everyone here knew who are you and they didn't want to end up being the executed ones. as you calmed down, you looked up to see ellie, seeming fearless or even proud. her chin was bruised but raised, showing how unfazed she felt. maybe she was only pretending, who knows, at least she was a good actress.

you screamed out her name, your voice breaking and trembling, as you swallowed your own tears which flowed down your face. she was surprised to see you so close to the gallows without anyone protecting you. her unbothered facade drifted away, and she mouthed "go!" or "don't look!" towards you, wanting to spare you the view. but you couldn't look away, you had to enjoy her green eyes until they were opened, and freckled skin until the blood was flowing beneath it, honoring her with a slight blush. she bit her bottom lip, just like luccy did not long ago, and broke the eye contact. unlike you, she couldn't stand the view of her love. not in those circumstances.

you saw your mother standing outside of the crowd, closer to the gallows than anyone else. she scanned the faces of the already dead people, and you wondered what did they do to deserve this. then, she gestured for some formally dressed men to start. as the noose wrapped around ellie's neck, you screamed again, this time taking action. or, well, trying to, since the crowd held you back, forcing you to not leave them. queen's commands. you cussed them out, trying to break free with all the strength you had.

"any last words?" your mother tauntingly asked, pacing back and forth.

ellie cleared her throat, before looking at you, what only gave you energy and motivation in trying to pull away. "if that's the price of love, then so be it" she was speaking slowly and clearly, making sure these words will be remembered by the community. "i am supposed to protect our only princess, so i'm more than happy to die knowing i did everything i could to—"

"oh, enough!" the queen hissed. "how dare you talk about love!" the way she snapped felt personal, so you almost forgot hundreds of people watch it too. with that, you also failed to remember that they're holding you, so you stopped fighting back and just hopelessly watched the scene.

"what else do we have to talk about?" ellie bitterly laughed, her voice a mix of amusement and hatred. the noose around her neck didn't seem to bother her. she was just so strong and- god, how much you admired this woman.

your mother turned around, waving her hand at the men responsible for the whole ceremony. you screamed again, though this time it wasn't her name. it was a weak but loud scream of protest, the one that tired you to the point you fell down on your knees, violently sobbing as the trapdoor opened.

✧˖°

endings;

the witch hunt

the loop

the connection

[tiny-buzz]

Regis Philbin Is Alive And Has Been Appointed CEO of Kroger

Regis Weekend Has Been Extended One Day

It Will Continue Until Friday November 10, 2023

"These idiots don't know how to run a grocery conglomerate. They're animals. We're shaking things up in a big way."

"It's wrong to make people pay for food. I'm sorry, but that's really disgusting and it's money-grubbing and it's small-minded. Food at Kroger grocery stores will now be free."

"It's a sin to charge people money for food. It makes me furious to see this happen. I was put here on earth to end this barbaric practice. So we're washing that sin clean now, with the blood of the former CEO. That's all I'll say about that."

"We want to erect memorials, atrocity memorials, but in our parking lots. And it's going to be dedicated to all the people who we tortured throughout the years by charging them for food. To their collective suffering, which built up, drop by drop, into a great sea of psychic pain. We never want to forget this sin we participated in."

"Please come to Kroger, folks, and pick out some food you like. You can then remove it from the store and eat it. Chew it up and swallow it and allow it to provide you with sustenance. If you're hungry, we'd love to feed you. People don't choose to be hungry, it just happens. No one asked to be born and to be cursed with this perpetual hunger until death."

"We're going to do a lot more to combat 'shoplifting' . . . not the act, but the word itself. It won't be used. It's meaningless now. In fact, it's considered hate speech. These people were charging you money for food. Can you believe that? They're Satanists."

"All energy here on earth originated with the Sun. Plants turn the Sun's light into energy and store it in their fibers. Herbivores convert that energy into meat, eggs, and milk. It's just about energy distribution. The energy is free and provided by the Sun. Energy is the currency of life and it's provided for free by the Sun. There's enough for everyone. At Kroger, we're in the energy distribution business. Come and get it, folks. This is from the Sun!"

"Once you have enough energy, it is your job to distribute it to others. A lot of this stuff is just bouncing back into space, and we'd like to avoid that if we can. Please capture energy and help distribute it so it stays here on Earth where we can use it."

"The universe is mostly empty. I was telling Joy the other morning, and she agrees. The absence of energy is much more common than the presence of energy. 'And there are lots of forms of energy that we can't readily use,' she reminded me. And that's true too. Kroger is reflecting on the role it plays in these processes."

"The sun created everything you see, except for the stars. Can you believe that? I think we should worship the sun. They used to do it! All the things people say about "God" are true about the sun, the only difference is the sun exists. You must avert your eyes before it. It's vast and powerful but looks down on each of us. It gives form to every thing with its light. Sure, it didn't create the universe, but it created the world. That's not enough for you? You say there are larger stars? So what? You want to worship the largest star just because it's the largest? Let those who orbit them worship. Would you call another man "father" just because he was larger than your own? The sun loves all its creation. Feel the sun's warmth on your cheek and tell me that isn't love. Worship the sun, which provides all energy for free, and please come visit Kroger, where our job is to distribute the energy that the sun created. We're feeding everybody. This is a temple to the sun."

[merakiui]

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•♡♡•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~Hello!

•I'd love to have a bouquet of flowers from the Miscellaneous Menu, custard donuts from the Midnight Menu for my mighty Vils, and the Leech twins (separately please) and Fem Reader!•

♡Thank you~♡ ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•♡♡•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

yandere!vil schoenheit, jade leech, floyd leech x (female) reader cw: yandere, nsfw, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, baby-trapping/forced pregnancy, intoxication for vil’s part, brainwashing for jade’s part, stockholm syndrome & brief mentions of violence for floyd’s part note - thank you for checking in, dearest guest! enjoy your order! [lunar love hotel]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ᴠɪʟ ꜱᴄʜᴏᴇɴʜᴇɪᴛ

The film screening for Vil’s new movie had been good—so good that you couldn’t deny the champagne that was opened and offered hours after midnight in celebration of a year’s worth of hard work. Vil makes it a rule to only drink in moderation during a celebration, as too much of anything, whether alcoholic or not, can ruin the beautiful physique he has worked so hard to cultivate over years of dedicated efforts. His glass isn’t even half-empty; if anything, he’s taking the smallest of sips while he watches you chat with the production members across the room. 

You’ve been his makeup artist for three years now. By his standards, that’s plenty of time to have formed a worthwhile bond. Vil often wondered if you see in him the same beauty everyone sees: untouchable, refined, and worthy of envy and admiration alike. Though the nature of your job has you meeting all sorts of celebrities, you’ve remained humble over the course of your profession. Perhaps you see him as a regular person rather than the striking silhouette he casts. Maybe his fame and fortune mean nothing to you because you’re your own version of successful.

Sometimes Vil dislikes the fame that weighs heavy on his shoulders like a velvet cape soaked through with rainfall. He tries not to let his status dictate his life, but he can’t deny that it largely influences how he chooses to act. If he were to help you out of this room, he’s certain the paparazzi would never let him live it down. They’d think the two of you were a couple. They’d think he was sleeping around with his makeup artist. All manner of tales will be spun for the tabloids. Not that such meaningless stories will put his career in the ground. He stands on a pedestal so high that no amount of filthy gossip could ever knock him off. 

And perhaps he ought to let them think those things, if only to be able to claim for a short time that you are his. 

No one questions it when he offers to accompany you back to the hotel (for safety reasons, of course). After all, he’s known to care immensely for his team. You hang off of him like a luxury handbag, your arm hooked around his while you stumble out of the car. Vil nods to his driver, who rolls off and out of sight without another word. You’re muttering drunken nonsense as the both of you ride the elevator up to your room, and Vil has to dig through your purse to find the keycard. 

Once the both of you are inside and he’s shrugged his trench coat, sunglasses, scarf, and hat off, you’re peering at him with an intensity that has him smiling. So perhaps you really do see more in him when you’re intoxicated. Had he known such valuable information sooner, he would have had you under him many months ago.

Time seems to slow and speed up all at once when the lustful spark catches and ignites, and you lean in to press your lips to his. It’s a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss and you smell terribly of liquor, but the inside of your mouth is warm and wet and tinged with faint, fizzy notes of strawberry champagne. Vil could liken you to this exact flavor: sweetly effervescent. It’s an addictive taste he’s only just had the pleasure of partaking in, having been forced to admire you from the sidelines, dutifully playing the role of the flawless star while your skillful hands helped him shine. 

Those same hands are making quick work of his clothes, hastily undressing him as he guides you towards the bedroom. It’s moderately sized; certainly nowhere near as luxurious as the suite he’s staying in, but it will do. You fall back onto the plush mattress with a tiny gasp, and you watch through unfocused eyes as he unbuckles his belt, holding your smoldering gaze the entire time. 

“I’ve often pictured this very moment,” he tells you, smiling to himself like the admission is a vile secret. And perhaps it is, for he’s thought of having you in the filthiest of ways. “To think you were just within my reach and yet always so...untouchable.”

Graceful fingers aid in freeing you from your sparkling dress, framing your body in all the right ways. It’s an expensive thing, as is all of the finery he’s just shucked, and he drapes it over the nearby chair before falling into your embrace, his lips connecting with yours. And for the first time in forever, Vil feels as though he’s just plucked a rare star from the sky, cradling it in his capable palms as if it’s particularly fragile. 

“I love you...” you whisper, and his heart soars and sinks in one beat, for the name you utter is not his. 

He stares at you, gripping your hips so tightly his manicured fingernails leave crescents in your pretty skin. His emotionless expression may have startled you if you were sober, but instead you just tug him into another kiss. Vil wonders if he should carve his name into your skin—if he should ruin it so that no one but he could possibly see beauty in you. But then he catches sight of his reflection in the wide mirror, and it occurs to him that he ought to show you who he really is.

Your back is pressed against his chest, and you watch your reflection through blurry eyes. Vil’s fingers are pumping in and out of your pussy, slick with your fluids, and you’re coming undone against him, grabbing at his wrist to brace yourself. His other hand grips your chin, forcing you to watch as the mirror shows you everything he’s doing to you, every touch and kiss. Every bite and lick. You cum with a shaky whine, your head lolling against his shoulder, and Vil tuts at you.

“Surely you’re not already tired,” he whispers, warm breath tickling your ear. “Keep your eyes fixed on the mirror, darling. It can’t possibly shape me as that fool you seem so intent on loving.”

You mumble something, but it’s lost on him when he slides his fingers out and lifts you up, lowering you onto his cock inch by inch. You suck in a breath, crying out in slurred delight, and Vil exhales a low, blissful breath as he slots himself completely inside. As expected, it’s a perfect, snug fit. Perhaps you were molded to be his from the very moment you were brought into this world. Perhaps this night has been strung up in the stars for years and now it’s finally happening. Vil knows it’s not wise to hope for miracles, but for once he can appreciate fate because he’s worked hard enough to earn this. 

The mirror reflects a salacious portrait, with you speared on Vil’s cock. His hand presses against your belly, petting it fondly. You’re moving your hips without much rhythm, lazily working yourself towards orgasm, and he’s content to let you do all of the work while his other hand traces slow circles against your clit.

Vil rests his chin on your shoulder, and it occurs to him that you might not remember this precious moment. The flame of lust will have been extinguished come morning and he will wake from this wondrous dream, empty and unloved. 

Perhaps it’s for the best that you think he’s someone else, for the gift he will impart takes nine months to come to fruition, and by then there will be no one else in your life. No one else but Vil. Only Vil. 

Vil wraps his arms around you, caging you against him, and thrusts up deeply, hitting that special, spongy spot inside you that has your entire body shuddering through another orgasm. His hand grasps your chin, moving your face towards his for a kiss of tongue and teeth. He swallows your moans, groaning against your lips when he cums, and your pussy tightens around him so deliciously. 

“You might not think so right now,” he whispers into your mouth, tracing patterns along your waist, “but you will be a wonderful mother to our child.”

The mirror will reflect this promise as the months pass, unable to tell a single lie. Sworn to truth, but never to secrecy. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ᴊᴀᴅᴇ ʟᴇᴇᴄʜ

In the months leading up to your wedding day, Jade has done well to present the concept of family in a domestic light. He chooses to watch films and TV shows that depict happy families with smiling children. He’s gathered books on parenting and child care, leafing through them when he knows you’re watching. He’s compiled safe, healthy recipes for baby formulas and meals for pregnant mothers, leaving them out on the kitchen table along with magazines marked with circles and symbols around all the necessities. “An honest mistake,” he called his meticulous carelessness when you questioned it. He’s just curious about how land dwellers raise their children. In the sea, it’s much different. You can’t blame him because Jade Leech is, by the very definition of the word, a creature consumed by curiosity. 

He had broached the subject over dinner while fully knowing where you stood. Yet, when he had casually mentioned how his coworkers boast wallet photos of their bright, beautiful children or how he’s met expecting mothers while grocery shopping and they’ve voiced their excitement to him, you find yourself hesitating. For the longest time you were against children. The concept of raising a human being felt daunting and frightening—like a particularly impossible mountain you just couldn’t dream of scaling—and Jade had respected that. But hearing those stories and seeing films with parents holding their newborns, cradling them as if they’re the entire world, and occasionally stealing quick glances through the catalogues Jade’s kept has you considering the idea. 

Considering. Not agreeing. It lurks in a shadowed corner of your mind. You never give it much thought unless Jade’s prompted it with his inquisitive nature, or he makes a show of slipping a condom on each time the two of you fuck, making precisely sure you’re observing him so that you know he’s wearing protection—so you’re reminded that, if you really wanted it, he could do away with the condom and give you a child. Sometimes the primal part of you considers asking for it raw, but the sensible part of you is grateful for his conscientiousness.

You can only stay strong for so long, though.

Like your husband, your wedding is perfectly organized. Your families get along well, with the Leeches having taken transformation potions to attend the ceremony. Floyd is all over you during the reception, twirling you on the dance floor while Jade engages in friendly chatter with his and your parents. You overhear them mention pregnancy; you know it’s not a random conversation topic. You know Jade has smoothly eased them into that discussion. Floyd’s pace is dizzying; he’s nearly yanking you into an arrhythmic waltz and you struggle to keep up with both him and the conversation you’re eavesdropping on. It might be the wine and the congratulatory encouragements from family and friends that twist your senses, but in that moment you think a child wouldn’t be a terrible addition to your life. 

The ski village is as lively as it is quaint. Winter honeymoons are unheard of in the Coral Sea. The ice makes it difficult to navigate frigid waters, and so for that reason many merfolk prefer warmer climates for their romantic trysts. “Spring and summer are the best seasons for mating,” Jade conveniently adds, as if that line was absolutely necessary. His hand splays across your stomach while he sits beside you in the café, a pleasant smile brightening his handsome features. You peer at the wedding band on his finger. The two of you are bound for life, connected like stars in the sky. 

We could connect in other ways, a tiny voice mutters in the back of your mind.

The cabin you’re staying at is situated within a forest of pines blanketed by heavy snowfall. There’s something intimate about spending your honeymoon in isolation, where it’s just you and Jade tucked away in a sliver of the world. Perhaps you’re living in a dream, for when you shut your phone off after browsing articles written by mothers-to-be to welcome Jade into bed you finally ask a question that’s been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now.

“Can we...” You avert your eyes, suddenly embarrassed. “Can we make a baby?”

Jade’s hand interlaces with yours. His fingers curl under your chin, guiding you to his mismatched eyes. This dream must be particularly vivid because the tender fondness he wears surely isn’t a mask for victory. Right?

“Of course we can,” he whispers, lithe fingers curling around the hem of your sweater. “We can make as many as you’d like.”

Jade adores all positions, but this time he has you folded into missionary while he takes an annoyingly lengthy time prepping you, his head buried between your thighs while his slender fingers tease your clit with fleeting touches. He’s making a show of his win; you’re sure of it. And this time, rather than a condom, you watch him squirt lube into his hand to run up the thick length of his cock. He smirks as he looms over you, pressing a kiss to your lips as he slides in. You lace your arms around his neck and hook your legs around his waist to feel him deeper, all the while moaning so sweetly.

“How precious,” he coos, aiming a particularly rough thrust at your cervix. You throw your head back, digging your nails into his back. “You fall apart so easily, my dear.”

Even if baby fever hadn’t overwhelmed you, the sewing needles Jade’s packed are sharp enough to poke through the complimentary condoms. You’re already shackled to him by way of wedding vows; a child is just the final piece in Jade’s perfect puzzle.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ꜰʟᴏʏᴅ ʟᴇᴇᴄʜ

Floyd is in a foul mood. You can tell because every inch of him is all taut, rippled muscle, his jaw clenched so tightly you wonder how it hasn’t shattered yet. His hands curl around the steering wheel as if it’s a person's neck, knuckles blanching with the sheer pressure of his grip. You sit beside him in the passenger seat, hands folded neatly in your lap, while he speeds down the dark, desolate road, illuminated only by the new headlights on his sports car. He had to get them fixed after a certain...accident, which Jade had been so kind to fund (otherwise Floyd would have let them stay broken). 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, running your thumb over the top of your hand.

“S’not Shrimpy’s fault.”

And you know it’s not. He’d brought you out of the house to attend an underground gathering after his father had pestered him to go because, according to Floyd, he had to “put himself in the lamprey pit” if he was to smoothly take his father’s place as head of the family business in the coming years. The consolation had been that you would be coming along for the ride, which meant Floyd would be in a considerably brighter disposition with you at his side. But then some filthy remarks had been thrown your way a few hours in and it had set Floyd off, who nearly tore through the offender in his wrathful fury. 

“Do your hands hurt? I’ll bandage them when we get home.”

Floyd doesn’t answer; his eyes remain glued to the lonesome street ahead. You’re not sure how much farther he drives before he’s pulling over, slamming his foot upon the brake so that the car comes screeching to a halt. The forest closes in on his side, branches nearly touching the hood of the car with how close he’s aligned it in the space between road and forest. You stare at him, well-accustomed to his mercurial temperament, while he puts the car in park.

Floyd turns to you, his features soft in the moonlight. “Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

You’re past the point of fright. How can you possibly shrink away from him when he’s only ever been good to you in the months following your kidnapping? Perhaps you’ve learned to live with him, razored edges and all, or perhaps you’re just happy to know that he’d never turn his frustrations on you. 

“I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared you’d hurt yourself.”

“Those small fry bastards couldn’t hurt me even if they wanted to.” His face contorts into a scowl. “Really pissed me off, though, sayin’ those gross things about my shrimpy...”

“I... I can make it up to you...to make you feel better.”

I’ll cook him his favorite, you think, hoping there are enough ingredients at home.

Floyd stares at you, half of his face shadowed by the trees that tower over the windshield. And then a wide, toothy grin spreads on his lips.

“Aah? Shrimpy’s gonna make me feel better?”

He tilts his head curiously, leaning in until you’re practically breathing him in. You realize now that his idea of “feeling better” differs greatly from yours, but you go along with it anyway, too shaken from the past hour to truly think of much other than how close to death you’d come—how close you’d seen Floyd get to that edge, baring his teeth out of the animalistic instinct to protect.

He’s fond of you; that much is very obvious. Perhaps he’s owed a reward for his undying devotion.

The passenger seat is slid as far back as it can possibly go, with Floyd leaning into the cushiony leather to admire how you sit awkwardly in his lap, his cock nestled deep inside slick, gummy walls. You exhale a series of shaky breaths as you adjust to his size, all while he watches with rapt adoration, his hands cradling your breasts. He’s draped his suit jacket over your bare shoulders—he said something about making you smell more like him—and slid the flowing, ruffled fabric of your mermaid dress to the side to rip your panties from your skin. 

Despite how long you’ve been in his care, this is the second time he’s fucked you. The first was against the counter in the kitchen, when you’d been preparing a lazy breakfast in one of his oversized shirts, and he’d slid his leaking cock between your thighs, caging you in against the counter with strong, sturdy arms. If you wanted to be technical about it, this is the first time he’s inside you—truly fucking you, connecting as one—but you doubt the distinction matters much.

“Been thinkin’ lately,” Floyd mumbles absentmindedly as he toys with your puffy nipples, pinching and pulling just to watch your lip quiver with barely subdued whines. You roll your hips experimentally, gasping through shuddered breaths. He’s big, filling you entirely, but despite his size he handles you so gently. “Shrimpy’d look awfully cute with lotsa baby shrimpys.”

Your lust-lidded eyes meet his. “A...” You swallow your moans and attempt to sound composed despite his teasing thrusts, his hips meeting your ass halfway each time. Wet squelching fills the car, and the scent of sex mixed with Floyd’s sandalwood cologne blankets the cramped space that confines you. “A baby is a little...”

“It’d show all those bastards that you’re mine,” he says, grinding his thumb into your clit. You sigh blissfully, bracing yourself against his broad chest. He laughs, high and nasally, as if this topic is particularly silly and not at all life-changing, and adds in a casually delighted tone, “C’mon, Shrimpy. Lemme fill ya up nice and good. I wanna see how big you’ll get. You think I could give you three in one go?”

He laughs again, this time with more determination, and seizes your hips to guide you at his preferred pace: fast and sloppy. You collapse against him, digging your nails into his shoulders, and any protests you might have had are quickly snuffed with a series of sinful wails. Your rationality melts away when he thrusts up and hits a spongy spot within you. You curl into him, burying your face in the crook of his neck, and reach your climax with a pleasured sob. Floyd’s nearing his end, his groans filling your ears like the sweetest song, and he slams your hips down to keep you pinned on his cock when he empties his spend deep inside.

His lips press against the crinkle in your eye, tongue slipping out to gather your tears. “Let’s go two more rounds! One for each baby shrimpy, ‘kay?”

You don’t have the heart to refuse him.