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noira-l · 4 months ago

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𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You are falling into darkness and meaninglessness. Satoru refuses to let you do that.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, after 'premature death', after suguru deflection, describtion od depression, apathy, lost meaning in life, slight eating disorder, sleeplesness.

author's note: We finally get to see his softer side, though as is his fashion, he does it in his own way.

4 months after Suguru defected

"I know that the situation that happened has left its mark on you, however, you must not give up like this."

Yaga had been trying to reach you in his office for several minutes. To no avail. Your gaze was still blank, staring at a single point on his desk since you sat down, it didn't seem like you were present in any way.

Silence. You didn't answer anything. Just as you always do.

This is not your first meeting with your Sensei. Yaga has been trying to make his way to you for about a month.

A void in your head, so great and black that it swallowed you whole. Your body indifferent to every sense that reached you, you did not analyse it at all. If Satoru hadn't dragged you here, literally holding your hand and leading you, you wouldn't have come here at all. You didn't have the will or the strength for it.

Everything stopped at that moment. It ended. There was nothing left. Anything important and beautiful in your life was taken away from you by the terrible malice of fate. Your house burnt down. Your beloved had descended into madness. You no longer had anything to care about. Your entire past no longer mattered. Everyone is literally dead.

Even you died that day.

You wondered what was still alive.

Or at least that's how you explained it to yourself, unable to accept that the same person who promised you the world had just taken it away from you.

You were lifeless. It didn't take much to conclude that.

All that remained was a fragile, frail and empty shell of a person once filled with love, dreams and passion.

You no longer had the strength to cry, or to utter any words. If it wasn't for Shoko, you wouldn't even eat, and if it wasn't for Gojo, you probably wouldn't sleep.

You could smile altogether now. The world of jujutsu never broke you, the person you loved did. But you didn't, even though it crossed your mind.

What an honour to be the exception to the rule.

Yaga sighed leaning against his expensive chair.

"(Y/N)." he called out, though you didn't even flinch "I don't want you to end up like this. As your teacher, I recognises your self-doubt as his personal failure. The situation that has befallen you is a very difficult one and I understand that you would need time to get things back to normal."

He leaned towards you "However, in this world we live in, we cannot afford such a luxury." you knew his eyes were drilling into you.

"It has been more than four months. Your condition is not improving, only getting worse. At your request, I have specifically let you skip part of your training." you heard him grinding his teeth, but not out of anger, but out of helplessness "I'm doing my best not to send you on missions in this condition, because I know that even if something attacks you-" he paused.

-you won't even try to defend yourself.’ you finished for him in your head.

He was right, you knew it, and so did anyone who would just look at you. You lost a lot of weight, your skin turned pale got a shade of gray, and your eyes lacked their former spark.

You could see that Yaga, in that silence, couldn't find the right words. When he opened his mouth to say something, you finally muttered, pausing his speetch.

"But Sensei, you should…" you raised your gaze from the one point where it was cumulative to look the man deep in the eyes

"..let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway."

★ --

Yaga sat in his office, surrounded by a silence that seemed to deepen his worries. Outside the window, the rain drummed against the glass as if to wash the weight of anxiety from his soul, but it only deepened his sense of helplessness.

Your words, haunted him.

‘Let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway' constantly echoed in his mind, like a silent cry of despair that gave him no peace.

Never before had he seen such emptiness in someone's eyes - an emptiness that testified that all hope, all will to fight, had been sucked out of you.

He was incapable of seeing Geto Suguru roll into a similar spiral.

It was a failure that has pursued Yaga, reminding him of the fragility of the human mind.

You are reminder of that too.

Now he saw the same symptoms in your - empty eyes, unresponsive to sensory input, avoiding contact with others.

Every day when you came to training was like seeing a ghost moving among the living, unable to fully return to life. You was physically there, but you soul seemed to be elsewhere, trapped in a place you couldn't get out of.

In this state, Yaga knew he had to seek advice from others.

He must act. He will not make this mistake again.

You will not be a case to regret.

And he had a lot of them.

He was the first to go to Shoko. He met her in the corridor, as busy as ever with her work, locked in a world where medicine was everything.

"Shoko, have you tried to talk to her? Something about her condition?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Shoko sighed, not stopping for a moment.

"I'm not good at such conversations." she replied briefly, looking at him fleetingly, as if those words would explain everything. Yaga knew that Shoko was doing as well as she could, but he also knew, that she was avoiding emotion like a fire. She couldn't help you in this battle that was going on inside. She was only capable of healing you on the outside.

The next stop was Nanami. Always serious, always composed, Nanami was someone who could be counted on in the most difficult of times. However, when Yaga asked him the same question, the answer was equally overwhelming.

"I understand what she is going through. I've tried to reach out to her, but… she's silent. I don't know how I can help her when she won't talk.’" there was a note of helplessness in Nanami's voice that had never been there before. Yaga knew that he sympathised with you, that he had tried, but that he himself could not break through this invisible barrier you had built around yourself.

Last was Satoru, always the enigmatic one, always full of contrasts. Yaga found him in one of the training rooms as he watched the younger students' classes.

"Satoru, did you talk to her?" he asked, knowing that Gojo was someone who could see more than others.

"I don't talk. I just sit by her when she's awake. That's all I can do." replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yaga felt a mixture of relief and sadness upon hearing these words. Satoru, in his typical style, had found a way to be beside you, but even he, with all his unlimited potential, could not pull you out of your state.

★ --

3 weeks after Suguru defected

Gojo was initially not supposed to get so involved.

He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't good at such things, that he didn't know how to talk about such topics, couldn't find a solution for you or show you something he should.

Your storm you showed him that day left a mark in him. It awakened something in him. He couldn't deny it. He just kept living in the belief, that he wasn't capable of doing anything about it. He didn't feel that there was anything in him that he could offer to help you. He never knew what to say, he never knew what to do. He felt hopeless about it. Satoru was not the kind of person who makes the same mistakes twice or never learns from them.

He blamed himself for Suguru's departure. He felt that his corruption was his fault. His lack of attention, his lack of interest, his powerlessness - his failure to adapt to such situations.

Gojo Satoru was the strongest, that was the reason he was born. It was what he was made for.

He was not made to come into contact with the problems of humanity, he was always above others, he never touched such topics. And now here you are. In front of him. You are showing him this.

You bring him closer to this subject, you prove to him that he, despite his title, is still human.

He feels exactly what you feel.

You are proof that the feelings he has inside him - make him human.

What ultimately made him abandon the idea of leaving the subject to himself was the sight of you. Soaking wet for long moments on the training field.

He saw you from a distance, as he walked with Shoko to class. He separated from her to letting her go ahead, saying he would catch up with her. The rain was dark and heavy. he didn't need an umbrella, so he walked throught it like was nothing. A white beam of light, walking throught the dark.

The sight of you, sitting on the training field with a bamboo sword, completely soaked - stuck in his mind. It was an image that spoke more than a thousand words. You were physically there, but spiritually you seemed to be far away, in a place where no words could reach you. Satoru, though usually full of energy and humour, this time simply walked up to you and without a word took your hand, pulling you out of the rain. You didn't even defy him as the force lifted your body and made you float slightly above the ground.

He sat you down in his room, giving you a towel to dry you off. Gojo left for a while, leaving you covered in towels and a warm blanket.

He quickly teleported to the kitchen, to brew a mug of warm tea for you. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil the water, tapping his fingers against the kitchen counter in thoughtfulness. He thought about bringing Shoko to you, as you might have caught a cold. Suguru had mentioned that you catch such colds quite easily.

As he moved back, he set his mug down on his notebook-cluttered desk and looked at you. You stood at the window, watching the rain that had kept the world quiet all day today.

"Why the rain?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. You did not answer immediately, still staring at the raindrops reflecting on the window.

After a moment, you raised your gaze, looking at him with a blank stare. "Because the rain is clean. It washes everything away. Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash me away too." Satoru felt his heart squeeze with pain at those words, but he didn't allow himself to have any emotional outbursts.

You sat like this for a long time, he beside you, looking out at the rain. In the silence that surrounded, he could feel how devastated you were, how much you had lost the will to live. He knew that these feelings would not disappear overnight. He was aware of that.

So from that moment on, Satoru implemented a plan that seemed strange and effective, exactly his style.

★ --

1 month after Suguru defected

The first month was a time of anticipation and patience for Satoru.

When he first entered your room, he felt the dense atmosphere almost overwhelm him. The quiet, enclosed room seemed as if trapped in time. You were sitting on the bed, your back turned to the door, shoulders tense. It was clear that your thoughts were far away.

Satoru closed the door behind him, then took a seat against the wall, far away from you, right next to the door. He sat down on the floor, pulled his gameboy out of his pocket and began to play, pretending it was a normal everyday situation.

At first you did not even look at him. Your gaze remained fixed on one point, as if you were trying to find a meaning in it that you could not find anywhere else. Satoru, however, was not bothered by this silence. He concentrated on the game, allowing you to get used to his presence while giving you space. Managing the space was his special skill.

Every day he would spend a few dozen minutes in your room, sometimes playing, sometimes bringing something to eat with him. Often he would sit there with a meal in his hand, eating slowly, and the sounds of munching were the only sounds in the room. He never tried to get you to talk, knowing that your personal space was crucial at that moment.

★ --

2 months after Suguru defected

The second month brought slight changes. Satoru, feeling that your reactions to his presence had become more bearable, decided to get closer.

Instead of sitting on the floor by the door, he took a seat in the chair by your desk, which stood slightly closer to the bed. When he entered the room, you looked at him - that was a success! Noticing change in his behaviour, but you took a quick glance at him, so he couldn't be happier. He passed you a small smile, that was a welcoming greeting.

Satoru stretched out comfortably in a chair, pulled out a book and began to read. Occasionally he would reach for his headphones to turn on some music for himself, shutting himself off from the world but still being there, at arm's length, if you need him.

There were days when he couldn't concentrate on reading, so he would just sit, watching you out of the corner of his eye. As time went on, he began to notice that you would sometimes glance at him, as if trying to understand why he came here almost everyday that was free for him, even though you didn't exchange a word with each other. Even when he was busy, your room was the first stop when he came back from any mission.

★ --

3 months after Suguru defected

In the third month, Satoru felt he could risk the next step.

When he walked into your room one day, instead of sitting in a chair, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He felt your body tighten as soon as he sat down, but you didn't move away or ask him to leave. This was the sign he had been waiting for.

He pulled out his gameboy, fired up the game and started playing, sitting next to you. For a while, the silence was almost overwhelming, but as time passed, the atmosphere began to relax. Satoru noticed that although you still didn't speak, your presence had become somewhat more conscious.

He started bringing you food when Shoko couldn't. He felt that when he brought you something, you were more eager to glance at it. And you even took a bite of the sweet roll he left with you one day.

There were also moments when you started to move, as if you wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. Satoru did not push. He felt that these small gestures were a sign of progress.

★ --

4 months after Suguru defected

In the last month of this silent coexistence, Satoru decided to go all in.

When he entered your room, he didn't stop at the door or the chair. He immediately headed for the bed and lay down beside you without a word. He felt you body stiffen at first, but after a while you relaxed, accepting his presence. This was so strange, but so.. welcoming.

Both of you lay side by side, arms barely touching, but it was enough.

Satoru pulled out his mp3 player, turned on quiet music and placed it between you two, letting the soft sounds fill the silence. He watched the ceiling, occasionally glancing up to look at your face. The sight of it, now devoid of such deep pain as it had been in the beginning, made him relieved. He knew that your emotional state was still fragile, but he was sure that his presence was helping you in some way. You were helping him too, he just couldn't say that to you.

His presence in your room become such a small tradition, which he often looked forward to. Besides your dorm was a good escape for him, when he was looking for, there was never any thought that he could be at your place.

One day, as both you lay like this, you gently turned towards him and looked at him with a slightly softer expression on your tired face. You didn't need to say anything - your gaze said more than words.

Satoru smiled slightly at you, then closed his eyes, feeling that you had reached a state of understanding that was only possible through months of patience and perseverance.

He was content, that he could see your eyes weren't so empty or full of tears. That was a breakthrought, that he was so eager to welcome.

★ --

4 and a half months after Suguru defected

Satoru has not visited you for a week.

You knew he was back from a mission, because Shoko bringing you food mentioned it. She also said that it had been a long and exhausting one, on which they had sent him alone, with no support from even specialists.

It was already very late in the night, you had been waiting for him for a long time, and yet he had not come.

For the first time since moths, you got out of bed by yourself.

You poked your head out, to see if the light in his room was on, it still was. You were overwhelmed by a strange feeling, that you could not quite describe. You wondered what the reason was for breaking this little tradition you shared between the two of you.

You came to the conclusion, that he probably needed the space himself and was just using it. Although this seemed to you to be completely unsuitable for a person you came to know. Should you do something about this fact? You nervously bit your nail.

What if he now needs the same treatment that he used to give you? What if he just needs to be alone?

A conflict arose in your mind. You didn't know what to do, how to behave. You felt a little stressed as you slowly sat back down on the bed.

What should you do?

Your decision was made, when your foot visited the kitchens for the first time in months to brew a tea for him.

All you could hear in the quiet corridor was the soft creaking of the floor, as you approached the door of his room. The wooden gates were slightly open, as if Gojo didn't have the strength to close them fully. You carefully pushed it open with your hand, peering inside.

Satoru was lying on the bed, with his arms spread, as if the weight of the world was crushing him to the mattress. His white hair, always so perfectly styled, were a mess. Fortunately, he had managed to change into his pyjamas. There was an expression of extreme fatigue on his face, but when he heard quiet footsteps, he lifted his eyelids.

Your gazes met. You gently closed the door behind you, then stepped deeper into the room, setting your mug of warm drink down on the desk. Just as he had done this to you one time. Your limbs tremble slightly from the cold. Going to the kitchen in just your pyjamas and flip-flops at this time of year was a stupid idea.

You didn't exchange a word with each other. You blandly started playing with the sleeve of your nightshirt. You didn't need words to understand how tired he was, the slight bags under his eyes and messy look told you all you needed to know.

He changed positions on the bed, moving more towards the wall, grabbed a corner of the duvet and lifted it up. He made an inviting gesture with his head and his slightly glowing eyes went out.

You sat on the edge of the bed first. Feeling a little on unfamiliar ground. You had only been in his room a couple of times. The main place for you to hang out as a group was Suguru's room. Immediately you felt the warmth emanating from the sheets.

With a slow movement you lay down next to him, letting the warmth of the duvet and his scent greet you. The mattress bent slightly under you weight, as you turned to face him. You could feel how soft and molded his mattress was, how his pillow was pleasantly arranged. Your body slowly began to warm, heat waves spreading through your body, soothing your mind and dulling your senses. The air around you was warm, enveloping, and his presence added a strange sense of security that you hadn't felt in a long time.

You could feel your body relaxing more and more with each breath. You could hear the calm rhythm of his breathing, which worked on like a lullaby. You were so warm, not only physically, but also internally, as if this place, this moment, was exactly where you were supposed to be.

You slowly closed your eyes, feeling sleep begin to embrace you with it's softness. The thoughts that had been swirling around in your head just moments before, began to quiet down, giving a way to a blissful emptiness. The warmth of his body and regular breathing were like an focus points that, allowed you to pull your head away from your worries and sink into a peaceful sleep.

Finally, you allowed yourself to fully surrender to the moment. You fell asleep, with his hand still gently resting on your waist, in a place that seemed the safest in the world.

★ --

Satoru slowly opened his eyes, feeling the soft rays of the sun on his face. For a while he lay still, savoring the quiet of the morning and the warmth that beat from the body, cuddled into his. You were sleeping peacefully, your breathing was steady and deep, and face expressed the kind of calm he hadn't seen in you in a long time. He smiled slightly, pleased that you could finally truly rest.

He didn't want to wake you, but he knew the day was calling him. He shifted cautiously, reaching for the phone that lay on the bedside table. For a moment, he pondered how to play it, but quickly decided that the only person he could ask to do it - was Shoko.

you: "Take care of everything today? Thanks. >ᴗ<"

7:43 am

Sent a message, not waiting for a respond, he put the phone aside, before turning back to you.

He glanced at your face once more. You looked so peaceful, as if for a moment you had forgotten everything that had overwhelmed you for months.

Gojo gently ran his fingers through your hair, trying not to wake you up. He smiled, seeing how you moved slightly in his arms, as if you instinctively knew he was there.

He was so proud of himself, the sight of your sincere rest soothed his heart somehow. Thanks to him, you were finally able to rest. He felt satisfaction and contentment at the thought. He finally didn't feel so helpless and powerless. He felt that he had just done something, that at least one person, by some screwed up luck, had managed to be saved by him.

With a slight sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into sleep again. He knew that he didn't have to rush anywhere, that this was a day they could spend relaxing, even if he had responsibilities and pressures on him, at this point he totally didn't give a damn. He fell asleep quickly, holding you close to him, enjoying the moment of comfort you brought to him as well.

You two slept all day, cuddled up to each other in warm cozy embrace.

With the peace and quiet you finally rested, as you both deserved.

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

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noira-l · 4 months ago

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𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You followed him into his darkness. You let him fall apart, like a human being, and made a promise to never let go, as long as he hold you too.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader, geto suguru x f!sorcerer reader (mentioning)

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, fluff at the end, after 'premature death', after suguru defection, swearing, outburst of anger and crying from Satoru, craked trees.

author's note: finally, here we are, with the one conversation that started it all. I hope you understand both characters better now and I hope you enjoy this emotional spiral. Heh.

5 months after Suguru defected

Midnight.

The bells in the school grounds were ringing signalling this late hour. Although they were quite far away, you were still able to hear them behind you.

Your footsteps, though gentle, made the silent sound of rustling leaves. Steam was rising from your nose, from the cold that prevailed outside on this December night. Barely able to see anything, you knew you were getting further and further away from the school building, yet you didn't stop for a moment.

"What are you doing here?" Satoru stood in that darkness, his light hair standing out. He stood as if in the middle of a circle, with his back to you, a few broken trees around, stacked in different directions beside him. You had been following him for some time, ever since you saw the light in his room go out, and his white hair flashed past your window.

"And to think I thought I was finally going to get a moment of peace and quiet." his tone was rough, but still surprisingly calm, which contrasted with the way his chest was rising in nervous breathing. He inhaled, as if he wanted to add something after the last sentence he said "I should have known better, right?"

You could see that something was wrong, that something was bothering him.

"Don't look at me like that." He turned his head to look at you from behind. His eyes were covered by his glasses, even though it was dark as if in some abyss, you knew he could see more than anyone else.

"What's with tha gaze, huh?" He turned to you fully "I told you somthing, right?" there was so much iritation in the last sentance.

You looked at his face, you were lucky that his blue eyes gave his face some, minimal light, that spilled over his features.

"Stop looking at me like that. I said, I'm fine." his voice was firm and hard.

"You don't look-" you took a few steps closer, your voice unsure.

"I said. I. AM. FINE." He growled, you could see the grimace appear on his face.

"Satoru, I can see you're no-" you heard his raspy breath. He clenched his fists tightly.

Suddenly a wave of smaller trees bent or broke from his one hand movement, in the opposite direction to yours. You shuddered.

"Fuck." he breathed heavily, trying to calm the racing thoughts. You didn't know what to do. "Can't you just listen to me, are you dumb or something?" the blue eyes stared at you, emanating anger and irritation. "I don't need your worry or your pity. So quit it and leave it alone!" he shouted the last words. His tone was spitful.

"But you're not okey." you stated, trying so hard to stand, but your legs kinda tremble.

"Oh really!? And since when are you so present to be able to tell that. Hm?!" his expression was mocking.

You couldn't get the words out.

You never feared him, you never felt you had reason to. But the sight of those irises, as cold as the weather outside when they always emanated joy, just overwhelmed you.

"Yeah." he swallowed "That's what I thought." Gojo's expression softened as he looked at your worried and slightly frightened face.

There was a moment of silence, filled only with the light sounds of the forest and the rustling of leaves bending under your weight.

"You don't understand." he stated "Of you course don't. How could you possibly-" he cut his sentance out.

"Oh, so I am so stupid for you, huh?" you said calmly.

"See?! That's what I said. You're treated like a fucking human being. And you know what?" he glanced at you, with a gaze full of despise "I'm so damned jealous of you for that." he was almost growling.

"When the situation changed and you locked yourself in your own world, no one fucking judged you. Everyone felt sorry for you, even me! Everyone just accepted it, like it was nothing." nervous, his fists still clenched tightly, almost painfully.

"But it's ironic, isn't it? You're the first person who really came looking for me. No one else, none of my friends from here, or even Sensei Yaga followed me here." he scoffed.

It was just getting to you, that all the trees that have fallen here are due to him. And there were really a lot of them. You also realised that he was also disappearing just like you, only in a different way. Because of his approach and character, you didn't make the connection. Yes, you were angry with him at first, because it seemed to you that nobody cared about his disappearance like you did.

You saw now that you were totally wrong.

You began to understand why he was helping you.

"They all always think I'm going to be okey, that I am the strongest, I could do antyhing." his voice faltered at the sound of the title being spoken. "They thought I can save anything." You have taken a few small steps forward. His breathing was ragged, nervous and shallow.

"He was … my best friend." his voice seems to quiet "And I didn't stop him. And no one, not even one fucking person, except you, knows what that's like."

"They're trying to understand." you said softly, remebering what Yaga and Nanami were trying to do.

"Come on." his voice was on the verge of crying. "You know damn well that's not true." his eyes still held the same image "Nobody cared." it was a venom-soaked statement. "Not after what he did."

"They didn't ask why, they just commissioned his executions like it was nothing, like all this years he spent here was nothing! Like he was nothing! Just.." he lifted his hands up slightly, loosening the grip he'd been holding for a long moment. "… just another curser who coused trouble."

Long silence ligered between you.

"I didn't wanted this to happend. I never wanted this. All I ever wanted was for things to go back to how they were before. Before that one stupid mission, before he lost himself, before... he burned eveything to the ground." he still was looking at you.

The sight of the burned village went over your head.

"Do you think I wanted it? You think I don't blame myself for all this? You think I didn't replay every fucking conversation in my head to find any detail I missed?" you said speeding your words. "Last months I spend repeting my whole life with him, over and over again, till it shattered me! I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted someone to tell me it's a fucking nightmare and I am gonna wake up, but guess what? I DIDN'T!" your voice ragged and on a verge of cry "He was my eveything; family, my best friend, my love-"

"He was my best friend too!! You forget that?!" he shouted, silencing you "I cared about him. I fucking loved him to my core!" He gripped his jacket tightly, right next to his heart. "And now he is fucking GONE!" he shouted the last word. "Gone because of me!"

He indeed silenced you for good. You didn't expect him to take a blame for that. Now everything made sense for you. Every action he took, every word he said.

"I was so blind, so stupid, I didn't see, because of me he gone wrong!!" you could see how angry he was "And everyone expect me to just fucking take it, like it is nothing!!" he clenched his hands into fists again, looking away "Like it didn't matter for me at all. Like he didn't matter to me!" he continue to shout, you were quite close, you reached out to him, trying to put your hand on his shoulder. He caught it, holding it in an iron grip.

"How the fuck he could not matter to me!? He was my best friend, one an only!" That was his storm, the beggining, that he wanted desperatly to control. A storm that unleashed aggression and sadness in him by turns. It flickered with his mood, unable to decide where it should erupt.

"Can't you see that this is all my fault? I was the one-" he stopped, you looked away, panicked, you didn't know what to do.

"ME! Don't you see?! I am the one responible for this damage. For your burned life, for his destruction." he growled, shaking your hand slightly "My blindness coused it. I coused it." his breathing accelerated and his head began to spin.

Satoru's head flooded in rapid thoughts

"I.." didn't see anything

"I.." didn't excepect this

"I.." let this to happend

"I.." let you all down.

His whole body fell to his knees, pulling you along with him. His cries rippled the area. Thick tears flew violently from his cheeks. His breathing could not calm down.

"I.. shi-... shit…" he stutter. "I'm sorry… I don't know what…" he tried to apologize, has just realised that he is painfully squeezing your hand.

You broke out of his embrace, tossed his glassed away, and put your arms around him quickly. Hugging his head to your shoulder and embracing him all over, in a warm embrace.

You are crying too, it hurts you too. Your crying was just quiet, you had your moments of anger and despair, this one was different.

"Shh.." you coo. You were trying to calm him down.

Satoru crumbled in your embrace. He cried, screamed, howled, growled, became hysterical. He was so vunreable, so weak to emotions that were going inside of him.

"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry." he cried.

"It's okey, I've got you." you reasure him, whispering.

You held him while his storm continued.

You were here. You, little simple you, in the face of the storm the most powerful being in the world. You weren't afraid, you sympathised with him. You treated him like a human being. You cared about him.

You felt your arm soaked from his tears, but you didn't give a damn. What mattered was that he gave this one a firm hug. It was as if you were his only anchor point, that he could grab onto, as the storm battered him in all directions.

You let him fall apart safely. Stroking his hair and back tenderly. Giving the comfort and relief he needed now.

"It was never your fault." you said, gathering your voice "It's nobody's fault." you said hugging him tighter, although you weren't sure if he could hear you, you continued. "You never burned my life. You saved it, you pull me every day out of the miserable hole I fell into after him. You gave me time and purpouse. You noticed m-me, you were there for me." you yourself barely spoke through the tears you shed "And I will be there for you, as long as you need me. As long as you are for me, I will be for you."

"Promise…?" he asked very quietly, between tears and ragged breathing.

"Yes. I promise." you said, you trembling hands pulling him so close.

"I promise too." he mubled, pressing him body even closer, even if it was impossible now.

You did not expect a promise from him, but you accepted it like the most precious thing in the world.

★ --

"You okey?" you asked shyly, wiping away the last remnants of your tears on the sleeve of your sweatshirt and sitting down on one of the broken trees.

"Yea.. no, but it get out of me for now." he said taking place next to you.

Silence filled the space between you again, the subtle sounds of the night returned to your ears.

"Thanks..." he said, you passed him a soft smile "You shouln't have to see that.." he continued.

"What? Your cry?" you asked. Althought is sounded somewhat mocking. Well, he kinda desrved it.

"Geeezz, rude~ You were so nice a moment before." he smiled a little, letting his breath out.

"Sorry." you mumble. "You kinda deserve it."

Silence again.

"You know.." he started "That was my first time crying in front of anybody." that statment took you by surprise. "I kinda hated it.. not gonna lie."

Now you remeber every time you cry next to him. The number is quite emberassing.

"Growing up, I was constantly told that I shouldn't cry. It was drilled into me repeatedly." He paused. "Eventually, I internalized it, accepting this rule as law. It became second nature to bottle everything up and push it all aside."

"Now in this situation." He bent down, spreading his legs. "It feels.. weird.. I never want to do that again." he looked down "In general I mean, but if it must happend.." he looked at you "..then it's okey, if it happend around you." you sighned.

"Now I feel embarrassed, when I remember how many times I cried in front of you." you smiled slightly.

He chuckled. "Don't count it."

"I'm not going to judge you for that." you reasure him.

"Yeah.. always so accepting and ressuring. It's kinda weird." his voice slowly came back to life. He continued.

"You've always been like this, haven't you?" he looked at you, placing his cheek on your hand and propping it against his knee. You glanced at him with a questioning look. "You never judged anyone, you always…. accepted it all…" his look was strange, he started to smile a little "That's quite impressive, in its sad and bitter sense."

"Maybe" you just said.

"You cold?" he asked seeing how you are trembling.

"Well, it's the middle of the winter night and I am in just my hoodie.. so.. yeah.." you were cold from the start, the dose of adrenaline and emotions just made you forget about it.

"Such a weakling.." he teased, you raised an eyebrow.

Now you're thinking how stupid of you to go outside in this time of the year in just that.

"Come here." said, opening his one arm.

You hestitated first, but eventually you move close to him. He embrace you with his long hand slowly. You wanted to say something, but he stopped you. His touch was still warm, even if he was here longer than you.

"Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I could do after you had to witness that," he said, with a hint of self-deprecation. Clearly he was frustrated with himself for breaking down like that. "I must've looked pathetic."

"You didn’t look pathetic…" you mumbled, glancing away, too shy to admit that his eyes were even more captivating when they were filled with tears.

"I didn't?"

"No." you replied softly, resisting the urge to reassure him further, afraid it might inflate his ego too much.

"Good to know." he looked at you.

You put your head on his shoulder. You felt confident enough to do so. Your own arms embraced your body, wanting to keep you warm inside.

Another long silence occured.

"You know what?" he started, looking ahead.

"Hm?"

"Tommorow is my birthday." he stated, but that wasn't a happy statement. "And also I go on a week long mision."

"I know." you moved a little in his arms. "I got you something."

"What?" he was suprised, but also curious.

"I've got you a gift." the smile on you face cought Gojo by suprise. It was so soft, so delicate.

You were planning to give him his present before he goes on a mission. That one digimon plushie was just waiting for him in your dorm, the last one from the new collection. You knew he didn't had this one, because he was yapping about how he didn't get time to get it.

But you did.

"How sweet, em.. Thank you." he said softly, being in his thoughts for a moment "I know this isn't a right time to celebrate.. but.." he got up with energy.

"What are you up to, Satoru?" you smirked, knowing he got some another crazy idea in his mind.

"Let's go somewhere." he said and stared walking in one dircetion.

"Wait! Where?" you asked going behind him. He was so back to his typical self.

"I don't know. Anywhere! Into the city, I bet we could get some convinient store cake.." he turend around "..get your present for me and celebrate my birthday.." you couldn't say no to him when he looked at you with such eyes. Especially when it came to his birthday.

That one event that changed everything.

The closer you got to the school, the brighter it was, as if you were coming out of some other dimension.

"And if everything would be closed, we can just.. dunno.. do something." you were close to the main gate.

"Okey, fine, lead the way." you said. "But, please can I at least get a jacket in a first place?" you asked looking at him with pleasing expression. You were really cold. He got this wide toothy grin on his face.

"That's the spirit."

You passed the main entrance when he asked.

"So what did you get me?" he was curious.

"That new digimon plushie." you passed him, when he stopped. He froze in place like a stone statue.

He suddenly stopped you, grabbing you by the shoulders.

"That one from the new limited collection." his eyes wide with joy and smile wide on his mouth.

"Mhm." you nodded, seeing his exciment.

"You're kidding right?" he wanted to make sure you're not teasing him.

"Nope, I got the last one from th- Hey!" you squealed when he lifted you up in tight hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" voice so happy like he was a little baby getting a gift. He turned with you, spinning in circles with ease, as if you weighed nothing.

"Then when could I get it?" he asked, when he finally stopped spinning, but didn't let you out of his embrace. For that, your head was still dizzy.

"It's in my room, I was going to give it to you-" you tried to catch your breath and calm your thoughts, he gave you no respite and this time pressed you closer to his chest.

“Well then, let's go get it.” you knew what he wanted to do. You wanted to protest. You hated when he do that.

"No, wait, Satoru no-!"

Only a few leaves moved as you both disappeared in thin air.

As he teleported you back to your room.

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

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