#because your definitions being this broad about relationships between adults is going to include people who are fine

[homenecromancer]

Nosferatu is a film for adults and I am aware of that.

It’s a good thing that Nosferatu came out when it did, but I do sort of wish I could see how I would’ve reacted to it when I was between the ages of about 14 and 18. The general vibe is one that would’ve absolutely appealed to me:

Imagine that you are the saddest girl in the world, but also the most special. You have made terrible choices in your short life, which you cannot bear to confess to anyone. No one really understands you for most of the story, including your closest friends, who refuse to listen to your desperate pleas, or recognize the true depth of your suffering. Then a non-threatening older mentor figure offers you compassion, listens to you, and tells you that you are the single most important person in this story. In a final act of bravery, you choose to sacrifice yourself, and it is only as you die a tragic death that everyone truly appreciates the gravity of what you’ve done to save the city.

Being a teenager means feeling big emotions and not quite knowing what to do with them. Horror fiction offers a space to safely explore new feelings or thoughts about life in a heightened, metaphorical way. “Maybe everyone would finally appreciate me if I were DEAD” is so normal of a teenage thought to have that Mark Twain uses it in Tom Sawyer. Same goes for “no one really understands what I am going through, but I wish someone nice would tell me that they get it, and that my feelings are valid”.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention something else about Nosferatu that I think a lot of people on Tumblr could appreciate: look, sometimes you want to read or watch a story where the heroine finds herself irresistibly attracted to / ensnared by someone or something who is objectively terrible in every way. It’s just in Nosferatu, that person is a literal monster. (This is a heightened version of a real-life dynamic that applies to far more than romantic relationships: “I can’t stop going back to this thing that is hurting me” applies to addiction as well.)

So let’s talk about Van Helsing (2004) for a minute.

I saw Van Helsing when I was just a little too young for it — I was 11 when it came out — and though it’s much less adult in content (it’s rated PG-13 in my region), it hits some of the same emotional notes that Nosferatu does. Let me think:

A beautiful woman finds herself in the clutches of a monstrous man, who she finds both scary and kind of hot. There’s an emphasis put on the age difference between the two of them — she’s a normal human, and he’s super old. She is the ultimate key to destroying him, and finally manages to ensure that this happens, but herself dies tragically in the process.

Of course, there’s a lot that’s different about the two movies — Nosferatu is all about the woman/monster dynamic, but there’s really only one memorable scene in that vein in Van Helsing. (And that vampire ball where Anna dances with Dracula is still pretty striking, I gotta say.) And Van Helsing is entertaining on a pulp level, but Nosferatu is actually a good movie.

Van Helsing is all surface. Some of that surface is quite fun, or hits evocative emotional notes, but it’s not exactly a deep movie. A lot of what makes Nosferatu good is happening under the surface, and it probably would’ve missed me as a teenager, for the most part. (Orlok is not the only man in the cast who refuses to listen to Ellen, nor is he the only man who abuses her “for her own good” or because she “wanted it”.) But those broad emotional notes I sketched out at the start of this post definitely would’ve worked for me. They are story elements that still appeal to me today, and Nosferatu uses them in a skillful, adroit way — I haven’t been so strongly affected by a movie in a long time. It’s not for everybody, but for some of us, it’s great.

edit: “Hey, what about Thomas!” I hear you cry. OK I made another post about that.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

I'm just curious (still learning) at what point after 1100 AD would Joe and Nicky been in actual danger due to homophobia? At what point would they have to start lying to people about the nature of their amazing relationship, just to stay safe? Thanks!

(This is in reference to this post, in which I skimmed over like 900 years of sociological changes in identity formation in very very broad strokes.)

So. Here’s the thing. As “western” queer people in the modern world, I think we highly associate safety with being able to be out of the closet. Can I kiss my partner in public or walk down the street holding hands without fear of encountering hate speech or physical violence? Can I tell my friends, family and coworkers about my relationship without fear of social ostracization or economic consequences?

But that’s a very modern perspective. Between “pride parade!!” and “we will definitely be murdered if anyone finds out we are lovers,” there is...A LOT of space for different kinds of historical queer experience.

So it’s not so much that Yusuf and Nicolò could be safely “out of the closet” in 12th century Baghdad but not in 19th century London. It’s not quite as far from that as you might think. But they wouldn’t have thought about it that way.

In the first few hundred years of their existence, the Islamic world was...full of contradictions when it came to homosexuality. You had a strong taboo against adult men being the receptive partner in penetrative sex, but you also had poets--like, the most famous poets of their times--writing tons of homoerotic poetry about desiring young men and boys, and that was normal and even celebrated. (If you’re familiar with the sexual mores of ancient Greece...lots of similarities here.) You had clerics writing about how there should be harsh punishments for “sodomy,” but in practice in everyday life very, very few people were ever actually disciplined in the legal system for something like that. And other forms of sexual activity between men, like kissing and various forms of non-penetrative sex, were just...not a big deal. At the same time there was kind of an unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell” social contract around sex between men. Like, we know this thing is definitely happening, and we’re not going to talk about it, and that’s what makes it socially acceptable to continue happening. So you can have a society that in the written, religious record looks fairly intolerant toward sex between men; in practice is actually quite tolerant; where everyone sort of knows things about certain people, but where no one is really “out” in the modern sense of the terms.

At the same time, pretty much everywhere in the world at this time but definitely in the Middle East, casual touch between men was much more normalized. Two men holding hands or linking arms when walking down the street, sitting pressed up next to each other, falling asleep with your head on your male companion’s shoulder...a whole range of things that look decidedly snuggly to our modern gaze would have been totally acceptable between friends of the same gender, and would not have been considered sexual in any way. (This is still true in much of the Middle East today.)

So you can easily imagine a scenario where, like, Nicolò is lounging with his head on Yusuf’s shoulder, eating dates and listening to some saucy Abu Nuwas poem being recited, and then they go back to their private quarters and they have as much sex as they want. Are they “out”? Not really. Is anyone bothering them about how they’re living their lives? Not in the slightest. Do some people in that room see them and know? Probably, but that’s their private business and we’re not gonna talk about it. Frankly that sounds like a pretty sweet existence for a 12th century queer.

To be fair, they have a few advantages. They’re men, which means no one will really question them traveling together, without wives or families. They can easily say they’re friends or business partners and no one will really give it a second thought. I’m sure having to break off contact with their families was sad, but it’s also the case that there’s no one around asking when they’re going to get married to a woman and have children so we have someone to inherit the family business. It gives them a kind of freedom that a lot of other queer people around them wouldn’t have had.

I think once they meet up with Andy and Quynh, they do do things like pretending to be two married couples traveling together. But that’s more because of sexism, because two unmarried women traveling with two men who were not their husbands would turn some heads.

In Europe at the time, Christian theology is pretty not-into all kinds of non-procreative sex, but sex between men is not necessarily viewed as a worse sin than, say, masturbation, or sex between men and women out of wedlock. And it’s like, a category of sin that a lot of people are doing all the time, so if you were to confess such a thing to your local priest, you would be told to do penance but the consequences would be fairly mild. And many of the same things regarding casual touch hold true. Various rituals of kissing, including men kissing men on the mouth, are used as greetings, to seal contracts, and as part of mass.

Medieval Europe also had a concept variously called passionate, romantic, or chivalric friendship--close relationships between two people of the same gender that could be long-lasting, physically affectionate, emotionally intense in a way we would today read as romantic, and (allegedly) celibate. Were some of these passionate friendships actually queer relationships with a sexual component that just wasn’t talked about? Probably. Were some of them what we would define as queerplatonic or homoromantic asexual relationships today? Probably. Is it even useful to try to stuff these experiences into modern relationship categories? Debatable. The point is...the borders between what was defined as friendship, romance and love were different. Two men who traveled together, slept in the same bed, shared resources, were emotionally intimate with each other, and otherwise entwined their lives would not necessarily have been assumed to be sex partners in medieval Europe. And (I think this is the important part) Yusuf and Nicolò would not necessarily have seen being perceived as passionate friends as “hiding” the true nature of their relationship or as assigning some lesser value to it.

In terms of how they are perceived in public, I think things really don’t start to change until the early 20th century. It’s a gradual process, but over the first half of the 20th century, more or less, affectionate touch between men becomes defined as “gay” and a mainstream (straight) masculinity that is concerned with defining itself as “not gay” emerges. Affectionate touch, and then any show of loving emotion between men, gradually becomes less and less acceptable, to a degree that probably seems absurd to two 900-year-old Mediterraneans. (The absurdity is really well-expressed in the van scene, which is literally like “Bro is it gay to [checks notes]...express concern about the well-being of the person you were just violently kidnapped with?”)

Like, on the one hand, you have queer people talking openly about their sexuality in ways that were not an option at earlier times in their lives. But at the same time you have to be careful holding hands walking down the high street now because someone might chuck an empty beer bottle at you. Must’ve been a real wild transition for them.

[c-mxian]

Shangri La no Tori Drama CD Limited Edition Booklet: Interview with Zariya

Please tell us how you started working on The Birds of Shangri La (Shangri La no Tori).

At first, the plan was to release it as a one shot under a different publisher, but things didn't quite work out (my manuscript ended up getting rejected at one point). I still really wanted to work on this story and Purantan contacted me just around that time. I remember showing the person in charge at first what kind of story I wanted to create and receiving their approval right then. That’s how the story eventually came to life.

I intended for the story and setting to be darker at first, with a somewhat “SM chic” vibe to it, but it’s completely different from the actual story now though of course (laughs). I initially planned to wrap the story up as a one shot, but I realized it would be necessary to do a serialization in order to better tell the story.

 Which elements remained the same in the initial draft and the story now?

The dynamic between the two main characters: a prostitute uke and a seme who takes care of him. I wanted to illustrate a situation where the seme is in charge of taking care of and arousing the prostitute uke only to have to pass him onto a customer in the end! As they grow closer, the uke would end up wanting to be held by the seme and not his customers. I thought the story would become very sad that way. On a lighter note, I really love it when a quiet and reserved seme gets troubled by a more active and straightforward uke. It’s the kind of combination I like the most and I’m able to draw that out as freely as I want in The Birds of Shangri La.

 Please share with us the scenes or lines that left the deepest impression on you in volume 1 of The Birds of Shangri La.

The last scene from chapter one. There are three rules that cannot be broken at Shangri La (“Do not let the birds come”, “Do not have intercourse, “Do not fall in love”), but I didn’t intend to include the last one at first. As I was working on the plot, I felt like something was missing with just the first two rules so I added the third one.

For this scene, I imagined a beautiful world accentuated with the scenery of the sea and sunset and a tone that marks this scene as the start of the actual story. With a lovely setting like this, I felt the romantic mood would be completely lost if I was too pragmatic with my choice in words for the dialogue. Although the story takes place in a brothel, I envisioned it to be one about pure love so I felt the inclusion of the third rule was necessary. I’m quite satisfied with the ambience even though I was supposed to reveal the rule later (laughs).

Despite being a last addition, the third rule is the most important one. I was able to portray what kind of story Shangri La would be from that point on and the readers were able to get an idea of that as well. The inclusion of the rule, “Don’t fall in love”, also adds a very nice lingering ambience to the story so I’m glad I included it. It’s definitely a line that leaves a very deep impression.

 The combination of your beautiful illustrations and balance of emotional language is one of the key elements that always leaves readers highly anticipating the next chapter. Please tell us how you came up with the characters in Shangri La no Tori.

 First off, I came up with the characterizations for Phi and Apollo at the same time since I already had a clear idea that the story would revolve around the relationship between a prostitute and the person who takes care of him. Next is the owner who is a very important character in the story, so important I’d even consider him the third main character. After that is Douglas, Apollo’s lawyer. He’s an essential character who is able to read Apollo, a man of few words. Contrastingly, I then created Carna as a companion who is able to speak on behalf of Phi. Phi may not be as reticent as Apollo, but he does not say much about the things that matter about himself.

 Please share with us anything about the other characters in the story as well.

I have so many things I want to share! As a manga artist, I don’t have many opportunities to talk with other people so I’m really happy for this opportunity.

When I come up with a character, I first consider what kind of role they will play in the story. I created Marco as the character who would help guide Apollo through Shangri La, a place unlike any he has ever been to. Marco is somewhat like a link between the world Apollo has known before and the new one he has stepped into.

Then there’s Sheth who I created because I wanted to have a character who had a vibe most similar to that of a stud. I wondered whether I should’ve made him more playful, but I felt it would be more appropriate to make his personality more relaxed and professional-like since Shangri La is a place akin to that of a high class salon. When he talks with Apollo, you can tell he’s just a normal guy and not loose as many may think. He’s a professional who takes his job seriously.

Carna may be a prostitute, but he is the bravest character in the story. In contrast to his small stature, his mentality is strong. I imagined him to be like a brother to Phi, someone who understands Phi well and stays by his side when he is not emotionally stable.

 So the recording just finished up a moment ago. What are your thoughts after listening to it in the booth?

The impression I always had of Shangri La no Tori when I drew the story is that it constantly carries a calm tone with little variation in intonation. When I listened to the recording, the balance was so nice and the mood livelier than I thought. Many of the scenes with Phi and Apollo are adult scenes, but there are also scenes like where Patrick and the other birds are livelily having a good time. While everyone is enjoying their peaceful daily life, the mood suddenly becomes tense when Phi loses his temper and starts acting violently. It was refreshing to see how a slight change in the sound can shift the tension of a scene and add emotional variety to the story. Since the story takes place in the southern region of the world, I was afraid it would be too laid-back and eventually become dull, but I guess I didn’t have to worry about this!

 What did you think of the characters’ voices?

I’m really thankful because the cast is absolutely amazing. Mr. Nakashima, the voice actor for Phi, is really amazing at expressing the various different sides of Phi: his sexy and mischievous side, his innocent and naïve side, as well as the side of him when he loses his temper. It really felt like Phi was alive.

As for Mr. Matsuoka, he did a wonderful job in portraying Apollo’s open-minded side. As a top, Apollo hasn’t quite “bloomed” yet and his potential is still hidden. Mr. Matsuoka added a wonderful layer of sexiness to that aspect of Apollo. When Apollo first arrives at Shangri La, he is taken aback by this completely new world he has stepped into, but he is able to get a hold of himself and stand ready for what’s to come. I could really feel how broad-minded and deep of a person he was and am really excited to see how the changes he will go through will be portrayed.

Aside from Phi and Apollo, the owner, Marco, Douglas, Raymond, and everyone else…the rest of the cast was absolutely amazing! I would love to share my thoughts on each individual character, but I’ll have to leave that for another time as there is a limited number of pages for this booklet. I have already shared my thoughts on twitter though so please check them out!

Each of the cast members’ voices fit each character so well, but I was really touched that even without clearly expressing their characters through their lines, they really gave life to the characters with their acting. There are certain things I can’t fully portray in the manga so I was really happy to see all those nuances come to life in the drama CD.

 Aside from the love scenes, there are many scenes of everyday life too.

In a BL, the two main characters’ relationship is the most important thing, but depicting Shangri La as “a place with a pleasant atmosphere” was also equally important to me. Shangri La is a “paradise” where only those who have been chosen by its respectable owner can enter. Even though Shangri La is a brothel, it’s a place where one can heal both their mind and heart, as Raymond has said. I was very satisfied with how the drama CD cast was able to portray Shangri La.

 What were your impressions when you heard the drama CD itself?

Out of all my works, I have always thought that The Birds of Shangri La would be the most difficult one to turn into a drama CD due to the lack of dialogue in many scenes. I added in some lines because I was concerned certain things wouldn’t get across without any dialogue.

Despite my initial concerns, it was fun to think of the sound effects and background sounds as a kind of music. When drawing the manga, I could only portray the sounds of the sea and the leaves rustling in the southern region with sound effects (sfx) even though I could picture them clearly in my head. All these sounds come to life in the drama CD. After realizing how big of an effect these sounds have, I regretted not thinking out the interior of the rooms and the miscellaneous things in them more thoroughly. For example, the sound of shell decorations dangling by a window whenever the wind flows can add an extra layer to the atmosphere of a scene.

I can say the same for the music as well. In the beginning when Marco comes to pick Apollo from the port, I imagined reggae music playing in the background, but I could only indicate this with a music note symbol. Shangri La already has a feeling of otherworldliness to it. If I added Gamelan music, I felt the setting would become disconnected from reality so I requested reggae music instead for the drama CD. The drama CD brings Shangri La to life in a way that illustrations and words can’t. I hope you can enjoy the differences between listening to the drama CD and reading the manga.

 Lastly, please give the readers of this special booklet a final message!

To be honest, I was very concerned about the lack of an H scene between Phi and Apollo in the first volume and whether the readers who look forward to this scene would find the drama CD lacking. As I listened to the recording, I started feeling differently. Aside from Phi and Apollo, the characters living in Shangri La and the region surrounding it all give life to the drama CD and the cast did a wonderful job at realistically depicting the lives of these characters. Even if Phi and Apollo don’t go all the way, I think many people will be able to enjoy this drama CD. I hope everyone will treasure the various characters that appear along the way while experiencing both pain and joy as Phi and Apollo’s feelings for each other begin to bloom. I will try my best to create a story that will not disappoint you so I hope you can follow me until the end!

Thank you very much!

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review - Seriously Seeking Sister

Most novels have a blurb online or on the back cover setting up the plot and hinting to the reader what experience they may be in for. There are rare occasions, especially when it comes to light novels, where such description is irrelevant because the title tells us everything we need to know. Seriously Seeking Sister! Ultimate Vampire Princess Just Wants Little Sister; Plenty of Service Will Be Provided by Hiironoame is one such light novel. There is a vampire, she is ultimately powerful, she wants a little sister, and there will be service. At first, little of this description sounded appealing, but, Seriously Seeking Sister is a surprisingly enjoyable and engaging read.

Seriously Seeking Sister begins when Ristia, the most powerful of the True Blood vampire tribe, stops time for herself out of spite for her father not giving her have a younger sister. She awakens a millennium later to discover that the land is now ruled by humans and powerful magical creatures are all but extinct, including her family, making her the ultimate sorceress. Still determined to be a big sister, Ristia determinedly sets out to find a young girl to make her “little sister.”

This setup could easily lend itself to a veritable mountain of lewd service and perverted encounters, but the story is rather tame and enjoyable. Most of the time, Ristia is just going around being nice to children and helping them out with her incredibly overpowered magical abilities, and this can be extremely fun to read about and pretty rewarding. By the end of the novel, Ristia heals the sick, saves lives, helps the poor, becomes the director of an orphanage, and establishes a maid cafe, all great deeds of selflessness! Risita accomplishes these amazing feats while maintaining the line that she is “just a normal girl,” something which no person believes as she creates magical miracles and is hailed as an angel.

Ristia’s adventures are generally satisfying and fun. Any gripes I have with the story, such as the large amount of narrative exposition, especially early on, can be offset by the enjoyable dialogue, hilarious inner narration, and well-established world and magic systems. However, there is one serious point deserving of larger dissection.

While most of Seriously Seeking Sister is gentle magical fun there are moments where more sinister and serious issues come into play. Chief among these are some of the men in positions of authority, such as the director of the local orphanage, who mistreats the children and forces one of the older girls, Maria, to perform sexual acts on him and other men. On one hand, seeing these vile creatures get their punishment at the hands of Ristia and her vengeance is immensely satisfying, but I cannot confidently state that Hiironame handled such delicate subject matter perfectly.

There is a lot that I think is done right, such as Ristia being accommodating to Maria’s trauma and healing process and the glorious exclusion of any rape scenes. However, I cannot shake my apprehensions. There is a bit too much of describing Maria’s body, and two somewhat lewd scenes where she allows Ristia to drink her blood. I cannot definitively say that the subject matter is expertly handled, I am just an ordinary teacher after all, and not capable of making such broad claims. For now, I shall digress with the conclusion that it is not done poorly or carelessly.

As the protagonist, Risita is easily the most present and established character. She is also consistent throughout the story, in both her personality quirks such as claiming to be an ordinary girl and being slightly naive about the mythical proportions of her powers and her primary goal of finding a younger sister. This drive of hers leads to many hilarious situations as Ristia tries to endear herself to younger girls to be seen as a big sister. Usually, her endeavors succeed but fall comically adjacent to her true goal. There are however a few flaws to her character.

Ristia being a vampire has surprisingly little impact on the story, and serves only as an explanation for her incredible magical powers. Her vampiric race could be used to explore what it means for Ristia to be a vampire masquerading among mortals. But, the only place her identity matters is in the sporadic hunger for her friends’ blood that causes a tiny amount of inner conflict. There are numerous other missed opportunities for inner reflection or greater personal conflict, such as her pondering what became of her family or realizing that she lost them because of her selfish actions. These instances could have provided some much-needed depth to the character.

The other characters are similarly shallow. The orphans Risita raises, the smattering of local townspeople she meets, and the noble Charlotte are enjoyable but lack any interesting qualities beyond their cuteness and devotion to Ristia to make them interesting. They have no real complex traits or conflicts in which one can get invested. Nanami, who is saved by Ristia from a dragon early in the story, is somewhat more complex. She at least gets a few scenes of growth as she becomes attached to Ristia and helps the vampire princess navigate the modern world. Unfortunately, her appearances throughout the novel dwindle after the first act, leaving her underutilized.

The only side character I became invested in is Maria, as she has an emotional and personal arc and all of several personality traits. She is severely protective of her fellow orphans but her experiences have left his distrustful and wounded. Thanks to Risita’s actions and kindness, she begins to open up and her relationship with the self-proclaimed normal girl develops naturally and convincingly. Their interactions quickly became some of my favorite parts of the novel, not for their comedy but the empathy and, ironically, humanity displayed by the girls.

While Seriously Seeking Sister is a yuri work, centering on the relationships Ristia develops with various girls, it is hard to classify it as LGBT. Keep in mind, a work being yuri does not always denote queerness. It is often up to the interpretation of the consumer to decide what is “yuri” and what is “queer.” Ristia engages in few romantic or sexual interactions with any of the characters encountered, save the previously mentioned instances in which she drinks Maria’s blood. Her primary goal is to acquire a sister, which calls to the sisterly relationships of S yuri, although I would not classify Seriously Seeking Sister as such. It is, however, more about the familial bonds formed between the characters as they become a pseudo-family unit. There is nothing wrong with these, and it can be very sweet and heartwarming, but you will not get much lesbian representation here.

As previously stated, the novel is not a very sexual work, and it is generally light on explicit content. The last line of the title, “Plenty of Service Will be Provided” could be considered a misnomer, as there is little crude content beyond the occasional reference to some characters having large breasts or the few times the color of Ristia’s underwear is mentioned. Of course, there are different forms of service, as there are a plethora of instances in which young people act cute and wholesome fun together, which rarely fails to put a smile on my face at least.

 The only exceptions to this rule are the scenes in which Ristia drinks Maria’s blood and one chapter spent in the bath. These passages read similarly to the soft-core explicit scenes found in many young adult novels. However, the book remains pretty tame and may at most cause a few of the more sensitive readers to blush. Funnily enough, the second and more sultry occurrence of this interaction does not even occur in the main story, but in one of the short supplementary tales included at the end of the book.

Seriously Seeking Sister is by no means a literary masterpiece. There are flaws in its dulls, yet admittedly cute, characters and it can struggle to keep the reader invested. However, its structure is good and the situations enjoyable. The book is a light and fun fantasy story that will likely put a smile on your face and leave you satisfied, even if it leaves little lasting impression. If such a story sounds pleasing, I encourage you to get Seriously Seeking Sister! Ultimate Vampire Princess Just Wants Little Sister; Plenty of Service Will Be Provided.

You can purchase Seriously Seeking Sister digitally now: https://amzn.to/2z41K3r

Ratings: Story – 7 Characters – 4 LGBTQ – 1 Lewd – 3 Final – 6

Review copy provided by J-Novel Club

[trender-sollux]

anti anti discourse megapost

I’m probably not the Best Most Informed person to ask about this stuff but!! here’s the disc horse as I understand it. this is pretty much a tumblr formatted argumentative essay, so buckle up or scroll to the tl;dr as fast as you can.

(I’ll put it under a cut bc 1.) things are gonna get pretty controversial, and 2.) things got Very long Very fast.)

the bg (the intro paragraph)

in fandom, as most people know, people tend to ship characters together. it’s fun to think about what two characters may act like in a relationship, and this gives way for loads of innovative and unique content to be made around ships! communities can be built, friends can be made, and lots of original fan content can be made centered around shipping characters together!

now, everyone has different tastes in ships, whether it be gay straight or somewhere in between, as well as different tastes in dynamics! (take the fave ship dynamics art meme that’s been going around for reference on what that means lmao)

some people may not even like to ship anyone with anyone, choosing instead to focus on lore or more platonic but no less important relationships, which is also just fine!

la problema

there however is copious amounts of people who deem other people’s ships “problematic”.

this in and of itself is not the problem: whether the ship makes them uncomfortable because of:

a large age gap (typically of 10+ years)

one person being a minor and the other an adult

it being an incestuous relationship of any sort (whether by blood or not)

they don’t enjoy the dynamic of the characters (perhaps it’s an unhealthy or simply turbulent relationship)

that is not the problem.

people are allowed to be uncomfortable with pairings! it’s not something they can help! content reminding people of real world issues or trauma are especially touchy, and that’s understandable and completely okay.

people may even be uncomfortable with those that consume that content, whether they have a sound reason or just simply because they don’t like it (they don’t really owe an explanation), and if they should want that content tagged so that they can avoid it, or ask simply that people who like it and post about it not interact with them so that they can further avoid it, that is perfectly okay.

ships can squick people out or even badly trigger them (in the serious mental terminology way not the internet watered down ‘this makes me mad’ way)!

the real problem comes when you have people harassing others for ships they don’t like.

you have loads and loads of call out culture where hundreds of people ridicule targeted shippers for their problematic pairings, calling them pedophiles or incest supporters or whatever buzz word of the day is to make them out to be awful scummy people.

they make call out posts to “expose them”, get people on their side, tell them they shouldn’t enjoy this thing that makes them happy, and in a rather awful amount of cases, send death threats and attempts to dox them/leak their information, things that can ruin actual lives.

all over the enjoyment of fictional pairings.

you can replace “ships” with just “fictional characters” or “stories” and you have anti-fiction discourse, where people harass the fans (or authors/creators!) of specific “problematic” characters or stories the same way they do shippers.

(also, about to get real controversial here, but you could also replace shippers w/ fujoshi/fudanshi and get the same effect. I know that saying fujoshi are gross is the hot new trend, but anti-fujoshi are just as bad as anti-shippers. I’m significantly less qualified to talk on that and I can link some really great posts if you want more info on that mess, but for now I’ll just say I’m pro-fujoshi and go.)

(if you go through the vld ship tags, I guarantee you will run into a lot of this for reference, though tw for death threats and A Lot of them. kl@nce has an infamous anti following, and anti-sh@l@din has a very fervent following as well.)

these people commonly refer to themselves as the broad and catch-all term “anti”. anti-insert ship here, anti-insert character here, anti-insert story here. they are against them, those who create content for them, and those who just sit back and enjoy them.

why that’s bad

at first glance, this seems like a good thing.

after all, people who consume that content must condone it, right? why else would they enjoy it? and if they condone such awful things, they’re awful people and they must deserve whatever happens to them! they’re dangerous! they deserve threats and misery and the loss of their jobs! they don’t deserve to be happy! they don’t deserve to be alive!

this mentality is really why a lot of antis end up being young people with an interest in activism. social activism is a good thing, after all. raising awareness about real problems through a social platform is a good thing.

it also tends to attract young trauma survivors who went through similar experiences as those portrayed in fiction.

not all antis are young/naive. that’s too much of a scapegoat (that they already use themselves too much). there are a lot of adult antis.

however, a lot of anti rhetoric is specifically targeted at minors. some antis will go out of their way to harass adults that make explicit content for other adults, saying that they are predatory for making it because it makes the anti uncomfortable.

I’m not saying I was immune either; for a while I thought that was just.

antis have a tricky way of worming themselves out of responsibility like that, after all. they make the victim out to be deserving of punishment, whatever it may be, whether it be some public humiliation or threats or leasing information that could put them in real actual danger (which is illegal, by the way.)

I never participated in death threats or anything (they made me,, really uncomfortable), but for a while, at very least, the public shaming made sense.

however, this doesn’t actually help trauma survivors. it doesn’t help people that actually go through horrible situations like the ones depicted in fiction. it doesn’t help those who are groomed by pedophiles, or abused by family members, or in abusive relationships.

what it does do is bully and ridicule people for something that inspires them and brings them happiness. people who did nothing wrong.

this is commonly referred to as performative activism.

you take the name of something vile and awful, and use it to say you are doing something for the greater good, a righteous and necessary evil, but really you are doing nothing at all. nothing progressive to help those in need, nothing daring or brave, nothing to make the world a better, kinder place. nothing.

it can be done out of the desire to help, or the desire to make a difference as someone who isn’t sure how, but your intent isn’t the issue on the table. the fact is that anti rhetoric hurts innocent people.

walking through common anti talk points (q&a)

now, I know that there are people who interact w/ my tiny blog who are antis, and actually one of my super tiny follower count is an anti (which I’m a lil sad about bc they have super cool art and a generally positive blog; not to be indirect but I also don’t wanna be like Hey I Don’t Agree With You In Particular. like nah they’re really cool actually and I hope they’re having a chill day), and for you antis reading this, you may be thinking, “sol, I see what you’re saying, but I’m not convinced antis are all that bad!”

well, it’s time for a lil bit of q&a!!

What makes problematic content innocent?

the content itself isn’t hurting anyone.

content, online especially in this day and age , is oftentimes tagged to make sure no one is triggered by the content they want to enjoy. if not tagged, usually descriptions or summaries include warnings. if not in the summary, ratings (like in movies) are also a good indicator of what you should look out for.

let’s say, for example’s sake, someone ends up ignoring the warning and consuming the content anyway, and ends up hurt because of it.

the content is not at fault, the willful ignorance of the person is.

What if they didn’t know to read the warning?

they were still warned. this should be taken as a learning experience, and they should be more careful in the future. it may sound harsh, but not knowing how something works isn’t exactly any excuse. people aren’t exempt from consequences because they didn’t know how something works.

What makes the creators of problematic content innocent?

a lot of people have the misconception that if someone makes content for something, they think it’s okay or would do something like it in real life.

this is not inherently true.

I’m not saying there may be predatory content creators out there, but that definitely does not mean that all content creators that produce things with dark themes always always think that it’s okay in real life.

there is such a thing as exploratory fiction. this is where although you know something is bad and dangerous, you’d like to know more about it and envision scenarios around it from a safe environment. writing or making art won’t leave you with permanent life ruining trauma, but you still get to explore that concept and sate that curiosity.

exploratory fiction can even be used as a coping mechanism for trauma survivors! that’s right!! some of the exact same trauma survivors that antis claim to want to protect and give voices to are some of the people hurt by their rhetoric.

my own traumas and potential anecdotes aside, I don’t really know much about this topic and as such I’ll let other survivors get more in depth/talk more personally if they’d like (as no survivors deals with their trauma the same way), but I know for a fact that exploring something that hurt you badly in the past can be an excellent way for someone to better understand themselves, what they went through, and better cope with what happened.

it may seem like making light of a bad situation, but it’s their trauma to deal with, not anyone else’s. no one can tell them that they’re reacting wrong. if it makes them happy and isn’t inherently hurting anyone, it shouldn’t be taken away from them.

(I’ve seen anti rhetoric directly harm trauma/abuse survivors and for their privacy I won’t name them but don’t come @ me w/ your “But I’m A Trauma Survivor And I’m An Anti” junk. I’m not saying you can’t be a trauma survivor and an anti. I’m simply saying that antis can’t exactly be counted as completely innocent and uwu-unproblematic either.)

What makes the fans/consumers of problematic content innocent?

by reading something or looking at something, did you just hurt somebody?

did you read this book or look at this art and in doing so just ruin someone’s entire life by violating them or some other heinous act?

no. that’s not how anything works ever.

by writing about murder, did someone just take a knife and kill someone? did someone die because they wrote a book? is every murder mystery author actually a murderer?

no. (but that would make an excellent murder mystery novel. an unreliable narrator who is revealed to be the murderer all along lol writing prompt)

by that same token, reading about someone dying doesn’t make you a murderer or as good as one.

people may come to realize things about themselves through fiction, as access to terminology and information may help them develop, but someone can enjoy fiction simply because it makes them happy and they enjoy it.

But consuming problematic content can inspire someone to do something problematic! Fiction affects reality!

taking inspiration from something and putting something into action are two entirely different things.

assuming a person has the presence of mind not to be so susceptible to suggestion that they do everything they see on tv, fictional content on the damn internet shouldn’t be any different.

But what about Jaws? Shark hunting saw a huge spike after its release because people were all afraid of sharks because of it!*

people were already afraid of sharks. people probably already wanted to hunt sharks, dude. what do you think inspired the original movie?

I mean, a huge carnivorous fish with rows and rows of teeth? and it occasionally came up and just took chunks out of people?? it was horror/thriller material just begging to be used.

shark attacks definitely got more publicity because of the success of the movie, but if you think there wasn’t a fear of sharks before Jaws, you’re either super dense or super short sighted.

also, if you think hunters won’t hunt something just because it’s super big and scary, you have never met a hunter. Jaws’ story is not exactly the perfect comparison to the average person minding their business who would never ever consider doing something heinous.

if someone already wants to do something, they will do it whether or not they have fiction to blame for it. they may never consume that fiction and still do it.

they are the screwed up ones, and it is not because they consume screwed up fiction. that is correlation, not causation.

fiction in and of itself does not affect reality. it is the people who use fiction as a scapegoat to weasel themselves out of the consequences for their actions who say it do.

Does that mean that all fiction is exempt from criticism?

hell no. in fact, fuck no.

fiction can still be bad. fiction can be piss poorly written. the characters can be well presented but executed poorly. the designs might be good but they might not make sense. the anatomy might be fuckin wack and the story might not go anywhere. it might just be pure self indulgent nonsense that no one on earth but the creator enjoys.

this does not mean anyone gets the right to completely forget all sense of human decency and make people feel like shit for the things they created.

as a creator, creating stuff is hard. it takes time energy and practice.

some professional artists’ work aren’t really my thing and their work may make me a little uncomfortable to look at, but I’m not all in their comment sections making their days worse. I recognize that they put time and effort into it, and they may not even be too confident about it!!

sometimes the nicest things you can say is absolutely fucking nothing. however, if you have to say something mean, if you have to give those damn two cents, at least recognize that there is a real human being with thoughts and feelings on the other side of your screen, and they’d probably appreciate some manners and maybe some well wishes for the trouble. no sense belittling people when you can uplift them and inspire them to do better instead.

Does this mean you hate antis?

in any other post I would just say yes. I hate their rhetoric and the awful shit they put creators and fans alike through. however, because this post is informative, my precise answer is not technically.

I do not wish harm on antis. I don’t wish death on them. they deserve their privacy as much as anyone, and I won’t harass them though they may harass others.

I think the things that they do is often times abhorrent and I think that their toxicity is largely a contributing factor in how draining fandom culture has become and I hate that. I hate feeling unsafe in spaces meant to be fun and community driven. I hate looking through blogs to make sure I don’t accidentally come into contact with someone who may potentially try to dox me because I read a comic they think is garbage.

however, I don’t think all antis deserve real hatred. some are simply misguided and don’t do this super invasive awful shit. even if they do this awful shit, I still hope they can change for the better and address their issues, apologize even if they can’t/won’t be forgiven, and become happier chiller people who can focus their energy towards better things.

like... I don’t think I hate them as much as I hate who they are right now. despite what another bit of anti rhetoric says, people aren’t static. even if it doesn’t excuse what they’re doing and consequences will find them accordingly, they deserve room to grow. all people deserve room to grow. they aren’t entitled to my forgiveness, nor my time, nor company, but I wish the best for them at the end of the day. I hope this passes for them and they learn better.

and w/ that I think we’re done!

I think that about explains everything I know, and while at the time I’m writing this it is very late and I’ve been staring at this for a few hours now, I don’t think I’ve missed much of anything!

if I’ve missed a talking point you’d like to see explained, have any questions this post doesn’t answer, or have a post that disproves anything I said, my ask box is always open!!

I humbly request that any debate that may happen on this post if any stay polite and sexy. negativity earns yourself a hearty block from me bc it’s my blog and I do what I want. take it to dms if you must but please don’t be all up and rude. this may not be the most polite and neutral post around but I don’t think any argumentative piece is. I am in fact opinionated and I won’t present both sides of the argument as equal when they quite clearly are not, thank you.

tl;dr

antis are harmful to the very people they claim to protect and stand for and can do better things w/ their time like ride a bike or roll in some grass. they can go step on an entire bucket of legos. just plunge their feet in the sharpest of lego bricks. I hope all their library books are dog-eared to death and their internet is slow. I wrote an entire essay on this practically for over 2 hours no breaks. I’m tired. I’m more tired of their shit but I’m tired.

* this was a real and original argument I saw to justify fiction affects reality that I saw while I was scrolling someone’s blog. it sucked bc the rest of their blog was pretty positive and cool and I even wanted to follow them but like,, ya know, yikes. they seemed condescending and close minded and I was outta there.

edit: this is actually being posted bc it’s been brought to my attention that the antis have already taken to “calling me out” (lmao okay jan) so like. this is wildin - I’m by no means an influencer (I have?? 8 followers. I’m not actually famous.) nor have I been super vocal about it thus far but like,, my dudes I am laughing this is exactly what I knew would happen and I still manage to be surprised.

[alpacannot]

The Look of Love

Despite a large portion of Americans claiming to have experienced love at some point in their lives, humanity as a whole has yet to define exactly what love is (Anderson, 2009, p. 3). According to the Oxford Dictionary (n.d.), love is “a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone” (Definition section). However, this definition fails to explain how it develops, by what it is characterized, and by whom it is defined. After extensive research, including several personal interviews, one can reasonably determine that love is a strong bond defined by each individual, characterized by personal growth and multiple aspects of intimacy, and developed in stages fueled by one’s need for fulfillment (Cox & Demmit, 2014, pp. 63, 64, 69, 71).

In order to more clearly define love, one must collect a broad selection of data including the attitudes and personal experiences of a wide variety of individuals. Four couples that have been married to each other for at least twenty years, four unmarried females under the age of 21, and four unmarried males under the age of 21 were interviewed about what they felt constituted love. When asked, the group of unmarried individuals determined that love can be defined in two ways: a bond that unifies two individuals and a feeling of affection that inspires one to become a better person. In addition to the above criteria, married couples defined love as a willingness to sacrifice for the other’s well-being and an intimacy that comes with familiarity.

According to social psychologist Erich Fromm, love is “an active power that breaks through the walls that separate people from each other . . . [and] includes the four basic elements necessary to any intimate relationship: care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge” (as cited in Cox & Demmit, 2014, p. 62). Additionally, Cox and Demmit (2014) concluded that love also includes friendship, attachment, and the enjoyment of the other’s company (p. 77). These feelings are developed through the sharing of emotions, exciting activities, and time together. Therefore, for love to be present, one must cultivate a personal relationship with another based on mutual respect and intimate knowledge of one another (pp. 62, 65, 77).

Equally important are the characteristics of love. The unmarried interviewees determined that with love comes cooperation, respect, and the vision of a future with that person. The married couples agreed on an additional six aspects of love: friendship, caring, thoughtfulness, similarity, familiarity, and acting in a way that honors the other—opening doors, carrying in groceries, offering them your coat, etc. According to Cox and Demmit (2014), love is primarily centered around these four attributes: “physical attraction, emotional attachment, self-disclosure and openness, and feelings of personal growth” (p. 71). Thus, love is generally characterized by feelings of intimacy and personal growth.

In regards to the development of love, the unmarried adults separated love into three stages that develop over a transitional period: the Honeymoon Phase, characterized by feelings of perfection and idealized love; the Trials of Love, a large portion of time in which reality begins to settle in and consume much of one’s waking thoughts; and the happy balance between the previous two stages where life becomes easier to handle and the two individuals can focus more on developing their love. To develop love, they concluded that one must maintain a level of proximity, intimacy, and openness with each other. Conversely, the married interviewees stated that there are no stages and that time is not required, but that love can develop or stagnate over time. One’s choices cause love to grow.

Similarly, sociologist Ira Reiss believes that love develops in four stages fueled by the need for fulfillment: Rapport, where both parties are comfortable, familiar with one another, and want to deepen the relationship; Self-revelation, involving the sharing of “intimate thoughts and feelings”; Mutual Dependency, in which the absence of one’s partner causes a feeling of loss; and Need for Fulfillment, characterized by a need for emotional support and sympathy caused by greater intimacy (as cited in Cox & Demmit, 2014, pp. 63-64). Generally speaking, love is developed over time during stages caused by a need for personal fulfillment (p. 64).

After discovering exactly what love is, one must apply it to reality and determine whether an individual causes love or whether it happens involuntarily. While sociologists do not weigh in on why love happens, both unmarried and married interviewees determined that although love happens to an individual without their control, one can help foster love. For example, an individual who goes on several dates with many different people will be more likely to find someone that they emotionally and physically connect with. One married couple, when asked what could be done to cause love, advised couples to do anything that would cause an affair—sharing emotions, being playful and flirty, being alone together, doing exciting things with one another, etc. However, once the love is gained, one must maintain it or it will wither. If the love is lost, both parties must forgive and start over, taking time apart to grow individually if they need it. Get to know one another again, go on a romantic date, and be emotionally intimate with one another. Most importantly, learn to love yourself and become the person you can love.

Of course, one might argue that if love is defined by each individual, sociologists can not give a true definition of love because each person’s definition will be different. True, each individual can determine what love is to them and how they express it. However, multiple studies have found that a large and diverse group of people’s definitions of love share several common characteristics, including feelings of personal growth and intimacy. One must keep in mind that social sciences are subjective—the results and hypotheses are general statements that apply to a substantial portion of the population. Therefore, an individual’s experience does not disqualify the hypothesis as that person’s experience is considered the exception, not the rule.

All things considered, one can reasonably determine that love is generally an intimate bond that develops, and will continue to develop, in many stages due to humanity’s need for personal fulfillment and intimate connections. While there will be exceptions to any rule or definition, the diverse experiences and feelings collected in my own personal interviews and the studies mentioned in Cox and Demmit’s Human Intimacy support the above definition of love. However, as humanity continues to develop and change, so will the definition of love.

 

References

Anderson, Gretchen. (2009). Love, actually: A national survey of adults 18+ on love, relationships, and romance [Fact Sheet]. Retrieved from http://calbooming.sdsu.edu/documents/LoveActually2009.pdf

Cox, Frank D., & Demmit, Kevin (2014). Human intimacy: marriage, the family, and its meaning (11th ed.). Belmont: Wadsworth.

Love. (n.d.). In Oxford Dictionary. Retrieved January 21, 2019 from https:// en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/love

[radiqueer]

I’ve been trying to figure out how to contribute to the “born this way” conversation, but I’m not fully sure how to articulate my ideas. For me I feel like my identity... like I feel I was “born this way” like I’ve had intermittent dysphoria for as long as I can remember. But also as far as mspec labels go I could ID as pan, or poly, or Omni, but I’ve always felt bi fits and that’s the identity I choose. My partner tho, feels that they, more than anything, chose to be bi (1/2)

My partner feels that they had no inclination towards being anything other than a straight man until well into their thirties, when, due to a lot of factors, they decided any company was good company and decided to see if they liked being with men. They had a good experience, and they feel they could have left it at that but CHOSE to continue to pursue their attraction to men, and then much more recently, in doing their own research about gender identity and being around me (2/3 oops)

They chose to question their gender identity (which as of right now is inconclusive), and my partner feels happy as a bi questioning person, but also felt happy as a straight man and could have remained so but chose to be happy a different way. Idk it’s complicated/messy and I don’t really get it but it’s how my partner feels and I believe them. And then Political lesbianism is a thing. Idk it’s hard for me to wrap my head around I wish I could contribute more. It’s def not one size fits all tho

this makes a ton of sense, thanks for sharing!

I feel like - in a lot of ways, being queer and identifying as queer changed me as a person. it changed everything, from the way I think about and approach new topics, the way I see myself and the world, my politics, my tastes in books and art. queerness is fundamental to me, but I can conceive not being queer. if I didn’t know it was an option to identify this way, if I didn’t grow in a home that encouraged me to question and pursue new avenues, I would be a different person. and I cannot with any certainty say that I would definitely identify as queer at some point, if not at 14 then at 17, 19, 25, 40. I think I am happier for being queer, because it is relieving to share an experience and a community (things which have been difficult for me in the past) with people who love and support me. I like having a voice and an opinion on issues. I like my politics. I don’t like being discriminated against, but who does?

there are so many ways to have a fluid identity. you can be the same person all your life with the same experiences and label yourself differently over time. like your partner. one could be happy in one’s assigned roles but happier in a different set that they sought out and choose (kudos to your partner for keeping an open mind and allowing themselves to be happy in a non-normative way, btw), you can have a fluid identity that changes with time, you can be one thing and identify as another, you can refuse a labels on principle, you can be a political lesbian (or it’s equivalents, I suppose? I don’t know if we have something analogous to political lesbianism in other queer subgroups. I think certain parts of the ace community are the closest we’ve come) 

the problem is the idea that there’s only one way to be and feel about queerness and identity and labels. which, IME, is what the BTW crowd seeks to do - normalise us because we are an expression of naturally occurring human diversity. we deserve equality because we are people, just slightly different, and we didn’t choose to be this way any more than you did. it’s not our fault! give us some money! [/s]

people who are written over by this narrative, in no particular order:

questioning people who don’t even know whether they’re straight - they may or may not be

nb people who are often told we are special snowflakes, a symptoms of the excesses of liberal/left wing politics. that we wouldn’t exist if not for the internet [true of me if not for you / ymmv]

bisexual and mspec people

people with fluid identities

people who choose to present a certain way

political [orientation]

people who are choosing to not labels themselves out of fear

people whose identity is informed by trauma

etc

the problem is the dichotomy that seems to be essential to this debate - that you can only have one or the other, that people on one side keep trying to erase the opposing narrative. I frankly don’t know. I’ve only been a part of this debate for a few months and all my thoughts about BTW are informed by personal experience and what I have stumbled across on tumblr. not a comprehensive start by any means. but ime it’s always the BTWs who are trying to shove differing narratives away, and not the choicers. maybe @korrasera and i have different experiences! in fact, I think we have very different experiences 

The problem I’m trying to highlight, the whole reason I made this post, is that I’ve never seen someone suggest that only BTW is valid. In fact, the only times I’ve ever seen people discussing BTW was to specifically suggest that we have to do whatever we can to erase it as an idea because they perceive it as being inherently exclusionary, as though the existence of people who were BTW meant that people could not be queer, gay, lesbian, or trans without having been born in that state. I think it’s a reasonable assumption to consider such intentions as being somewhat noble, since they’re meant to criticize and deconstruct social constructs of legitimacy, but I literally never see the topic raised without it being ‘let’s get rid of the idea that BTW people exist, it’s not true and it hurts the cause’. 

[emphasis added all mine; taken from this post]

I have a different experience. I’ve seen BTW discussed as the only right way to be, and not only by exclusionists (I wouldn’t be able to find receipts on this - I remade my blog recently, and lost all my likes and the people I was following). even when I talk to people irl, I’m forced to resort to a narrative I don’t have any stake in to get my point across, a narrative that doesn’t help me. it’s frustrating and alienating. and I still don’t think we should do away with BTW. I think we make room for people like me to exist and talk, and define clearly what it means so more people can figure out whether or not they fit.

I read around some while I was writing this post, so here’s some stuff tangential but essential to my thoughts:

this post about the relationship of radfems to what constitutes essential womanhood

this post by the same user about why some people may choose a certain labels

another post by the same user

this post, which possibly everyone has read, but I was thinking about this part (emphasis mine)

My girlfriend Marna has been a queer activist since the late 80s. She’s told me about the incredible deliberation and debates LGBTQ+ activists had, in the late 90s and early 00s as the community began to see past the AIDS crisis and immediate goals of “surviving a plague” and “burying our dead.” There were a lot of things we wanted to achieve, but we had to decide how to allocate our scarce reserves of money, labour, publicity, and public goodwiil. Those were the discussions that decided the next big goals we’d pursue were same-sex marriage equality and legal recognition of medical gender transition.

From hearing her tell it, it seems like it was actually a wrenching decision, because it absolutely left a lot of people in the dust. A lot of people, her included, had broad agendas based on sexual freedom and the rights of people to do whatever they wanted with their bodies and consenting partners—and they agreed to put their broader concerns aside and drill down, very specifically, onto the rights of cis gays and lesbians to marry, and the ability to legally change your sex and gender.

As a political tactic it was terrifically effective. […]

Activists of 20 years ago chose to sideline and diminish efforts to blur and abolish the gender binary. Efforts to promote alternative family structures, including polyamorous families and non-sexual bonds between non-related adults. Efforts to fight the Christian cultural message that sex is dirty, sinful, bad, and in need of containment. Efforts to promote sexual pleasure as a positive good.

I couldn’t tell you why these posts stuck out to me while I was writing this, but they do a better job, by and large, of contextualising what I’ve said here

[fyrapartnersearch]

/// 𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖉 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊'𝖘 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖒 ///

Hello dear roleplayers.

For those who are curious, you may call me Imp.

I’ve been hit with a stroke of fate recently which pretty much drained me of my creativity. But I am slowly recovering… and I am looking for some distraction.


I am a lady in her twenties, with a strong penchant for roleplaying, writing, and drawing. The Holy Trinity if you will. I am a huge nerd and aesthetic lover boy - plain and simple. One of my main passions being video-games, illustrations, comics, live-action films, series and anime/cartoon shows, elements that shaped me during my years of growing up.


It’s been a while since I’ve posted my first ever ad on any website, and I was very much positively surprised by the amazing people that have reached out to me. I’ve been roleplaying for a few years now and gradually gathered a good amount of experience throughout the years, but it’s always fun to meet and learn something new.

I have a few original ideas that I’m very interested in trying out. The concept will be posted down below.




Name: Imp



Age: 27 years



Experience: 11 years



Preferences: 1:1 Roleplaying



Partner: Should be at least [18+], but I rather much prefer my counterpart to be 21 years or older

Timezone: Important to note! I am from Poland, so my timezone might differ from yours. 



EMAIL: impish.and.angelic@gmail.com

I am a very creative sort of individual with hundreds of ideas constantly running through my impish mind. And I am very spontaneous too, so I can always adjust to a new setting, depending on how good and compelling the concept is.

Inspirations come from various sources and origins, be it a fandom (an already existing universe) or an original storyline. 
 Please read through these paragraphs carefully before you decide to contact me! It’s important to avoid any misunderstanding later! And I would less likely respond to a message with the title ‘Hey, wanna rp?’, since I hadn’t had any good experiences with these said messages.  Thank you. 




°°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°°

 

Communication: It’s certainly chill. You can talk to me about whatever occupies your mind since I am very open and always happy to listen to others. I also tend to be chatty, sharing a meme or a joke every now and to loosen up the mood. If you consider choosing me as your roleplaying partner, be sure to maintain a certain consistency. I have nothing against going on a longer break or even a hiatus, but the whole `ghosting stick´ is something I have no patience for. So if you’re unsure of upholding a stable, long term partnership, feel free to skim past this ad. 


 Plotting: Also very important to note! I am fairly quick when it comes to building new characters, concepts, premises, storylines, backstories, etc… This means there is certain flexibility available which allows me to adjust. Even though it is a hobby, I am still extremely passionate about good storytelling and interesting character arcs. I hope to meet someone who is just as enthusiastic and willing to put in the same amount of effort as I am. If it’s only me who’s pulling all the weight, I will lose interest fast, just to get it out there and I will have to end the correspondence. Had that recently and wasn’t a fan of it. Aside from that, I love going a little crazy with the possibilities and push things to their absolute limits. Of course within the boundaries of the given setting.


 Pairing & Romance: Okay, right off the bat, I am a hopeless romantic through and through. I enjoy good and strong chemistry between characters just as much as the next, and this will be no exception. I prefer the good ol’ MxF pairing because I have more experience with this. But I also like playing a FxF dynamic or MxM. Everyone is welcome! When it comes to pairing itself, I want to make sure our creations are compatible, for I hate forcing characters into a romantic relationship for the sake of progression. A natural flow is what I am aiming for. ;)


 Mature? Yes, very much so:  Adult and taboo topics are absolute. There’s no way around it because, if my world, it is a running theme. The adult world is not easy to handle, but it’s definitely interesting to explore. That includes violence, cursing, shocking content, and all that dark stuff. My limits are few, safe for a couple of minor pet peeves that I have, I am pretty much open to some experimentation. When it comes to action-heavy scenes (be it an intimate situation between two characters or something on a cataclysmic scale), I won’t fade to black since I am not a huge fan of censoring. However, I will not force or push my partner into something they are not comfortable with. If you want to know the extent to how far I am willing to go, what sort of content or how detailed my writing will be, you can ask me directly. As for smut or lemons, whatever you call it, it will never be the focus of any of my roleplays, but I enjoy a good erotic scene with a lot of tension (if they are good). 


Boundaries: Not a big fan of things like pedophilia, necrophilia, scat, bestiality, or those dreaded ‘futas’. 

Inspirations and interests: There’s a pretty broad spectrum of what I deem interesting and inspirational. From fallen angels and demon/monster hunters, mages, criminal masterminds, cybernetically enhanced characters to futuristic dystopian settings, ancient kingdoms who have fallen against the test of time. All of it causes my heart to skip a beat. For original content, I’ll just give a brief list of bullet points of the general themes that fall in line with my current interests. 


 Writing: My texts are lengthy, detailed, and elaborate. Third-person is usually my preferred way of playing my character unless there’s a special case where an exception can be made. Word count usually fluctuates, though I have a standard form of 400-500+ words per response. It also highly depends on the given situation. I don’t want to set anything in stone… just to give you a basic idea of what you’re in for. I also expect my partner to have an at least adequate, if not decent grasp on basic grammar and punctuation. 


 Doubling: Yes, absolutely! If you are prone to doubling, chances are I might accept you as my partner straight away! Although I have nothing against the simple form of roleplaying, doubling is something I’ve done since my first time joining. 


 Characters: Very character-driven with the main focus being on interaction. I take my time writing characters and love nothing more than well-structured sheets that illustrate the vision of their creator. (But!) There’s no need to write 10-20 pages worth of character information, but I wouldn’t want to limit you either. As for the depiction of the given character, I won’t be as presumptuous as to tell you what sort of medium you can and cannot use. Face claims such as photos of real models, illustrations, 3D models, drawings or descriptions are all okay. As long as it gets its point across, I am happy.


 Aversions: A few minor things that irritate me, or let’s say, aren’t really my style are one-liners, low effort responses and out of character behaviors in canon characters. We all have different takes on characters, which is totally fine by me since I basically do the same. Though if the character acts and behaves unlike their personality dictates, it will break the immersion. I hope to stay true to my own words when saying this. If it happens on my side, just let me know! Another pet peeve of mine is that one plot that has been done time and time again…. and I’ve grown quite jaded towards it, which is ‘supernaturals trying to fit into human society’ thing… I mean, I’m not opposed to borrowing from this idea, but for me, it grew old pretty fast. Speaking from experience.


 Il Passione: My wish is to find a partner whom I can have a good time with and develop some chemistry. After all it is a fun hobby. We both should have fun with what we’re writing. Brainstorming among other things is one of my favorite things to do. To see how things unfold and how the characters react to the given situation is the highlight of any story. °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° 




FANDOM: 

I love roleplaying fandoms just as much as I have a blast with building something original universes. Worldbuilding is my preferred cup of tea… but if we opt for something more fandom inspired, I highly welcome in on expanding on the given universe and add some original lore too! The one marked with a * will be the ones I am craving the most.

Hellsing*: Haven’t done that one before and I am curious as to how things play out, especially in such a dark and mystifying universe like Hellsing. There’s a lot of subject matter that we can delve into, plus I am a big fan of powerful vampire characters!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure*: I would love you for this. No, seriously, I would. This fandom has sucked me into a downward spiral and there’s no possible chance of escaping this inescapable void. The absolute insanity of this franchise had me hooked from the second I laid eyes on it and I would be forever ecstatic if you’d message me on behalf of roleplaying Jojo. I have plenty of ideas for this one, just you wait.

Full Metal Alchemist: One of my favorite mangas and animes ever made. Recently I’ve begun rewatching FMA Brotherhood and felt a small hint of nostalgia swelling inside my blackened heart. I’d be open to play it, though it is not one of my top cravings at the moment.

Justice League / Young Justice / Justice League Dark*: Huge DC fan, though I much prefer the animations and comics over the live-action cinematic. Let’s just say, I like the expansive and dynamic set of possibilities and deep, well-written cast. For instance Hellblazer Constantine or Raven.  

Bayonetta: Need I say more? Let’s dance boys!

APH Hetalia: That includes the 2P version ;)

The Boys: Well.. the 2nd season came out. And I am simply stoked.




°°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° ORIGINAL: 
 My ideas for a plot are versatile in which I can give you if you ask for it (Usually the ones that aren’t listed here). It is however merely a suggestion for what we could write - not a mandatory thing. If you don’t like the idea, we can always figure stuff out and keep on home-brewing till we find something we both can enjoy. There’s no need to immediately end things if the first thing doesn’t really fire you up. The one marked with a * will be the ones I am craving the most.

I will cross the oceans of time just to find you*: So this is something that began to fascinate me more and more as time went on. Our characters existing in our current modern timeline are on the verge of a discovery that could shape the very foundation of history. After they accidentally stumble upon an artefact / edifice unrelated to any culture they’ve seen before, their presence unwittingly activates a mechanism that transports them not only to a different place, but an entirely different timeline. Upon awakening, they find themselves in a mysterious setting filled with archaic cultures, wildlife and mythological figures they believed only to be possible in fairytales. It is now up to them to navigate themselves in a time where uncertainty and superstition was rampant. Where their knowledge from the future could either prove themselves as an advantage or a fatal flaw. Every decision and word will count, forcing you to rethink and carefully plan out your actions. They also come to learn that some of these ancient myths were in fact true, and that monsters as well as godly beings did once exist. Following that trail, they will be faced with the truth as to how and why they were able to travel through time and space. But more importantly, it is where they will find their soulmates, and it isn’t where or when they think they’d be.

Supernatural*: From angels to demons, from gods to monsters, I’ve seen it all and I absolutely love it. There can be any sort of creature or being involved, ranging from vampires to sirens to elves, you have it. However, I’ve never done something quite relating to angelic beings and their offspring before. I’ve read up on Nephilim and angels and found it rather fascinating, and it’s a different approach from the usual vampire vs werewolf cliche. 


Crime and intrigue: I never stray too far from the supernatural path, but hell, there’s nothing better than some good old gritty mafia inspired stories with a complex cast of characters and a solid storyline.

Sci-fi and urban fantasy: So this could be basically anything from genetically engineered superhuman (superheroes / - villains) with a dark take on the human psyche, dismantling the idea of heroism and villainy. Or a world where mankind began their interstellar journey to colonize neighboring planets, galaxies before transcending their own humanity by merging themselves with deadly technology. I have a few plans for this…

Historical and mysterious setting*: So one of my favorite eras is the Victorian time period, 30s - 40s - 80s, Renaissance or Ancient times during the rise of the Egyptian / Roman / Sumerian Empire. During these times, a dark discovery was made by man, learning that they were not alone in this world. In fact, they weren’t even the supreme race that destined themselves to dominate the world, for another race of humanoids have lied dormant deep beneath the earth, slumbering through the millennia only to be re-awakened by a cataclysmic event. These ancient humanoids are gods among men, superior in every way imaginable, and they have made it their mission to reclaim their right to rule. But their nature is not what most people think it is…





°°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°° °°°·.°·..·°¯°·._.· ☥ ·._.·°¯°·.·° .·°°°
 


If you’re still here and haven’t fallen asleep reading through my loooong paragraphs, then I would like to thank you for bearing with me this far. I am looking forward to your messages. 




 Have a bright day!

[aaliyahhill]

Solution To Premature Ejaculation Startling Useful Tips

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Does Prostatitis Cause Premature Ejaculation

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[littlefirefox]

Why I ship the shit I ship

So,I know that shipping in general is a fangirl’s main thing.Basically,it’stwo people or characters that have a chemistry, fanon or canon that makes you super happy and giggly. I know that shipping characters is usually fine,because they aren’t real people, though people do fight over differnet characters.Then, there is shipping real people in the real world. I understand why morals are questioned, but if it does not directly affect you, then don’t bother. I realize that it’s hard to avoid people who ship IRL people, but that does not give you permission to be an asshole. 

Fandom communities are wide, broad and very diverse. You have artists, writers, bloggers, people who do all three, people who spectate, newbies, veterans and crack shippers along with many variations. It’s designed that way so that everyone feels like they have a place in a community. Fandoms are a great way to meet new people, observe writings from young writers and look at incredible art from all kinds of sources. So, why should a ship ruin your time.

I have many ships,as I’ve been in many differnt fandoms. Some, I stayed in a little but left, due to a new interest. Others, I am still in because I am so involved in the fandom or that I can’t get enough of it. Some fandoms I was in or currently are in right now, are: Thomas Sanders, Jacksepticeye, Crankgameplays, Markiplier, Teamiplier, Hetalia, Free!, Attack on Titan, Harry Potter, Supernatural,Sherlock, Doctor Who and at one point, Twilight. As you can see, almost all of them contain real people, whether actors or not. I know for a fact! that YouTube especially, is kinda new in the whole Fandom thing, as it can be hard to create and maintain a captive audiance and keep that audiance to create a fandom around that. But,with it’s growing popularity, YouTube fandoms are growing bigger. And with bigger fandoms, come shipping fangirls. 

C’mon though, there are a lot of collabs and there are quite a few that make you smile, because there is a chemistry between the people. Little chemistries that blossom into amazinga nd pure friendships. These friendships lead to meeting IRL and collabing together in the same location. (I’m mainly talking about gaming channels here). Fangirls love a good chemistry, and they are pretty fricking good at finding a quality chemistry and blowing it out of the water. Soon, there’ll be fanart, fanfictions and posts about these encounters, ranging from fluff, to angst to smut and lemons. We all know it happens, so deal with it. 

Then, come the realists, who start bashing ships with facts. “They aren’t gay”, “They have girlfriends” and “Why are you writing abotu REAL people??” So what?! It’s make believe and for fun anyways! FanFICTION! Fiction is not real / parallel universes, where this stuff can become a reality. Trust me, we know it’s not real. That doesn’t mean we can’t dream and create universes to make it real. 

But, that is not what this is about. You all probably know this, since I’m writing this on Tumblr. This is about my ships (which I will list a majority of them) and then I will (try) to explain why I ship it the way I do without a lot of words.

My ships include the following:

YOUTUBE:

Phan (YT) This ship is one of the most famous, but I don’t ship it as most do. I view this glorious ships as the cutuest and purest brotp ever. I’m talking plaonic I love you’s, forehead kisses and hand holding. This ship for me is fluff! Because they’ve known each other for a long time, I don’t doubt they tried dating, but I can’t see it working out. I feel with their bond, it’d be awkward for them, so they break up, and just stay as incredibly close friends.

Jelix (YT) A semi-rare pair of YouTubers jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie. This is also just an incredible brotp for me. Any collabs they do are super fun and engaging and they almost seem like brothers. The playful fighting and insults remind me of a brotherly feel to their relationship. I know that Jack is dating Signe and she is an incredibly badass girl with killer style, and I ship Septishu so hard! They are absolutely adorable together!!

Septishu (YT / IRL ) Oh. My. God! I can’t even begin to explain this ship. It’s super cute and super canon! Wiishu is an INCREDIBLE person, with the gall to keep up with the loud tennis ball that is Jack / Sean. She has an amazing sense of style and her make-up is always gorgeous. How can ANYONE hate this incredibly adorable Danish badass?! Plus, she has her own YouTube! Any videos she does with Jack are incredibly cute and sweet. 

Tythan (YT) This one will garuntee get me in trouble... Tythan. Oh, the newest (kinda) ship of Ethan from Crankgameplays and Tyler from Teamiplier. Two guys who (maybe?) live(d) together and appear quite frequently on Markiplier’s channel. But, there is a chemistry between the adorable Baby Boy Blue and Stone-Face Tyler. With subtle glances, a couple hovering incidents and a bunch of adorable interactions, how can you not like these two boys. They botha re incredible and sweet people who just wanna spread kindness. How I ship this,I still don’t know. It’s  mixture of lovey-dovey romance with platonic friends who just get along great! I just like seeing my bois together!

Crankiplier- A weird pair, but I like the weird ones. Basically, it’s just Mark and Ethan as their current relationship is. They get along great and Mark has said that Ethan impresses him, with his perservearance of not giving up on his YouTube channel. Plus, thei have great laughs together and their collabs are hilarious! 

Cranksepticeye- Another odd-ball. I don’t know why I like this pair. It’s just, fitting? Both loud bois with colored hair with a dedication to making their fans happy. Plus, they have somewhat similar mannerisms, like constantly brushing hair out of their eyes, and their loud and hyperactive personalities, along with steadfast morals. To me, it’s a mirroring thing and besides, my bois are precious. 

Septiplier-No, THIS one will definitelly get me in trouble... Okay, this originally wasn’t going to be on here, but I ship this. Now, before you get your panties in a twist, let me explain this. I love the friendship of Mark and Jack. The banter and the playful jabs are so funny. They have girlfriends and I only ship them as friends. Much like Tythan. The dynamic chemistry between them, plus the banter, their Prop Hunt videos and general collab videos are hilarious. I did ship it romantically at one point, but not the smutty lemons and that. Eck. I like pure things with dynamic characters that have great chemistry. Septiplier is dead, but their friendship lives on in my heart, because to me, that’s all they ever would be. 

HETALIA: I should say this. All of these ships are based around Fanon only, as I’m not a fan of the show itself. I really love the fanon universe that’s been created.

RusAme- Shut up. I like a good, conflicting pair! A lot of good angst, and headcanons. These two are such a power couple.

FrUK- SIBLINGS!! I don’t ship this romantic. Their pasts are too deep and troubled for them to be romatically in love in my book. 

USUK- SIBLINGS!! See FrUK for the explanation. 

Spamano: A fiesty Italian matched with a lovey-dovey Spaniard who has a great ass? Sign me up! A pair tha’s dynamically opposed, hell yeah!

GerIta- It’s canon. You can notprove it too me othewise.

ScotEng- https://www.youtube.com/user/KamisWorld94 There ya go. These two (German??) cosplayers have created these characters so beautifully that I can’t help but NOT ship them.

AmeCan- Brotherly Love. Grown up together under heavy Native American influence until the British and French came, but still raised in similar ways and are the best bros ever!

DenAme- Two hyperactive, silly adults with the enerdy of 6 year olds? Yep! Two stubborn men with morals, a love for showing strength and then silly antics? Sign me up!

PrUK- Bros. I fully believe in the Head Canon that these two were twins. yeah. 

SpUK- Pirate. Days. 

Awesome Trio- Beer? check. Three men with childish energy levels? check. A home alone? check. Crazy, drunken antics? Sign me up!

SANDERS SIDES: Aka the zany personalities of the amazing Thomas Snaders

Polysanders- Because I love the idea of the aspects of Thomas loving themselevs and each other.

HARRY POTTER:

Drarry- Shut up. I can’t help it! I’m a slut for contradicting characters finally resolving all their hate for love instead, finding out that being gay is okay, and that they are happier. (I’m also a slut for 8th Year Drarry. Huh! be still my beating heart!)

Harmony- Come on! These two get along like brother and sister. Hermione always worrying about Harry, Harry making sure Hermione has some fun. He usually sticks with Ron on arguments, but he does side with hermione when Ron’s being and arse. They watch out for each other, and in thd Deathly Hallows, when Ron leaves and Harry tries to cheer her up? That was super pure and I love their relationship. 

Ginny X Luna- Cute lesbians both underestimated by others? YES!! Luna helps Ginny be a little more girly and Ginny helps Luna with her hexes. Ginny definitely is the protector, but Luna’s in Ravenclaw for a reason. She’s super witty, and exceptionally clever, with music. Plus, Luna and Ginny having sleepovers where they braid hair and just chatter are my achilles heel!

WolfStar- What? Come on! I love Maruaders so much! I would pay a lot of money, to have a Maruader’s universe series, written like Casting Moonshadows. That fic is a blessing on this Earth!! Plus, the YT group, Mishcief Managers have a to die for Marauder’s universe and even a killer Drarry storyline!

Notice: I am not tagging any of the people mentione din this for good reasons. Many of them have said that they do not want to be tagged in shippy stuff that’s about their friends. At least, that’s what I’m trying to prevent. I love them all, because they are all amazing people, so don’t be douchebags and tag them. (What I mean is by @ ) I will tag the various ship names, and fandoms.

[mild-lunacy]

I start with a characteristic of individual men, a kind of (powerful) taste, a significant desire for physical intimacy (of one or another kind — cuddling and kissing, body play, various sorts of genital sex acts, whatever) with other males, and in adult men, significant arousal by (some) other men (what my friend Steven Levine calls DHL — dick-hardening lust). Call this Taste Y (Y as in Y chromosome).

On the other hand, there is a related social category, a recognized kind of person in our culture, a kind of social identity (well, probably, several kinds, but let’s keep it simple). We view some set of men with Taste Y as constituting a class for social purposes. Call this Category G, and call a member of Category G a G Man. (Yes, I recognize that these are desperate, unlovely labels. But we need to get away from the usual labels, because they’re used in diverse, even contradictory, ways by different people on different occasions, and the concepts in question are frequently confused.)

People suppose that G Men will tend to share properties beyond having Taste Y and that they will fit into society in certain ways. G Men will tend to believe that are in some significant ways like (many) other G Men. (These are the ways social categories work in general.)

The existence of a Category G is a historically contingent fact. It’s reasonable to claim that in Western culture in general Category G is a fairly recent development, that before some period there were no G Men.

Ordinary language is generally very poor in distinguishing properties of individuals from social categories.

I ran across this post on Arnold Zwicky’s blog about Brokeback Mountain, and it really made me think about the use of these categories in fandom. On the one hand, you could say this is totally different than slash, because Brokeback Mountain is canonically about gay men. However, Jack and Ennis don’t ‘identify’ as gay (and neither do Ronan or Adam in the Raven Cycle; needless to say, John Watson emphatically doesn’t in BBC Sherlock). In fandom, we like to say so-and-so is ‘gay’ if they show signs of Taste Y or even demonstrate too much affection for another person of the same gender pretty easily. Being ‘gay’ is just an expression of identification, a social category. You can pretty much include anyone-- any person and any character-- into that category, given you use the right frame. The same cannot be said for having Taste Y: you either have it or you don’t.

I was thinking particularly of John’s denials of being gay. It’s interesting how fandom has sliced it and diced it, and it’s undeniable that it’s sliceable. That is, you can certainly mean a number of things if you say you’re ‘not gay’, and a number of them have nothing to do with lacking Taste Y. You could argue that John meant it differently than Jack or Ennis would in Brokeback Mountain, but that’s a supposition. It’s an axiomatic statement for which there can be no proof. If the word ‘gay’ itself has contextually shifting meaning, saying you’re ‘not gay’ cannot definitively be said to refer to homosexual attraction in and of itself. This is simply a problem of language. You have to know what the person or character means. There’s only one way to really know, and that’s to share that person’s cultural context, as intended.

An old fandom friend of mine once told me that she thinks casual fans are inherently more likely to get the intended meaning from a competent enough show, ‘cause fans tend to be too invested in certain characters and/or interpretations. A casual fan might understand plot and characterization more shallowly, but overall they avoid huge diversions from canon plausibility. The intended meaning or context is almost certainly going to be broad. Aside from the prevalence of heteronormativity, the simplest and most obvious interpretation is always a good bet in TV. That’s just how communication generally works. This is the general cultural context we’re talking about, that gives the words and concepts their meaning.

Obviously, casual fans will also miss plenty of deeper shades of meaning in dialogue, most obscure references and even a lot of in-show continuity. Of course, the benefit of intense attention to the text can also be a flaw, as my friend said, since what starts out as an axiomatic frame for analysis (say, John has Taste Y and is actually bisexual) can become a set of blinders. You certainly see that in Sherlock fandom a lot these days (and in any fandom, anytime).

I do think that overall, though, casual fans of an average intelligence do tend to get the gist correctly if the show’s relatively well-written. With that in mind, there’s something to be said for the heteronormative reading, in that it’s usually right, as far as intent. So most people don’t parse language super-closely. They simply understand that Jack and Ennis (or Ronan, say) are G Men (gay) because they act gay, or act like other ‘G Men’. This is performative queerness. It doesn’t depend on the characters’ internal identity; in actuality, it becomes irrelevant. Characters essentially become ‘gay’ as soon as they act on queer desire; if you don’t (or won’t) act on it, it doesn’t exist for your average casual viewer unless the character declares themselves gay. Conversely, John (and Sherlock) aren’t G Men because they don’t perform it, or participate in the social category. Instead, they both conform to the boundaries of heteronormative behavior, which are really, really broad. 

This sort of outside-in approach is hard to avoid in film and TV, which essentially chronicles the external actions and reactions of a set of characters. Usually it is enough. Of course, that’s only usually.

But there can be problems. People can slip easily from the question of whether someone is “gay” to the question of whether they have a “gay identity”.

Jack and Ennis deny a gay identity, and there’s no reason I can see not to take them at their word. But it seems to me that they are unquestionably men with Taste Y, at least for each other (and in Jack’s case, rather more generally), and there’s some evidence that they are both Y Men.

That’s interesting, and probably only possible in a certain historical context. This situation wouldn’t really work in present-day America, not even out West. Still, it’s worth keeping in mind the separation between attraction and social identity, although both are aspects of identity. Most people prioritize their social identity in real life situations, and in character analysis, there’s more of a tendency to psychoanalyze.

This is a situation that really only exists and is only understandable in the context of fiction, because of the degree that we know the characters, in a manner we could not if Jack and Ennis were real people. We can agree or disagree with the self-identification of fictional characters, ‘cause we can see inside their head (to varying degrees). Besides that, with fictional characters, we can see them as a part of their narrative, with all the mirrors and metaphors and parallels that entails. Queerness isn’t just a social category but a textual one. Rather than simply using behavioral evidence, we have access to subtext.

That’s where it all gets muddled and complicated, of course. As Grace once said so succinctly, ‘you don’t interpret a story the way you interpret real events’, full stop. That’s analysis, though. In real life, casual viewers may use the context they have most readily available to understand the surface of the text, and it’s usually enough. You could also argue a story is meaningless without the addition of real-life context. For example, as @s-l-martin said earlier, in reality, most ‘ambiguously gay duo’ type couples are actually gay. If people give off ‘gay vibes’, it’s almost certainly not platonic. At the same time... well.

Some people say that it was entirely “natural” for Jack and Ennis to express their love for one another through sex. This is profoundly silly. If by love we mean a relationship to someone else characterized by intense pleasure in their company (probably accompanied by elevated levels of certain hormones), desire to spend time with them, admiration and respect for them, a feeling of being a better person when you’re with them, feelings of trust and support, feelings of simultaneous likeness and complementarity (Jack and Ennis are wonderfully paired on these two dimensions), etc., then there are plenty of straight guys who love one another. They call each other “best buddies”, or have no name for their relationship at all. But they’re very important to one another. Almost never do these relationships involve physical intimacy, even at the cuddling and kissing level. And that’s because these guys don’t have Taste Y. For them, there’s no natural progression from love to sex. Jack and Ennis do have (heretofore unrecognized) Taste Y, so they’re soon going down that slide into fucking.

Like Zwicky says, there’s ‘no natural progression’ from having any sort of feelings (even ‘romantic’ feelings, that being a fuzzy category) to sex. If you don’t have Taste Y, then you simply would not progress to queer behavior no matter how close you are with someone of the same sex or how much you love them. Not to put too much of a fine point on it, but it’s true that no matter how much John loves Sherlock (and vice versa), it doesn’t have to have anything to do with sex for either or both of them. There’s no limit to feelings. A character can literally have any kind or degree of feelings and not have them turn sexual, because one can simply fail to have Taste Y. That is (probably) what John’s supposed to be saying with the whole ‘not gay’ thing. Of course, that’s exactly what Irene dismisses at Battersea, but my point stands.

The problem is really contextual and narrative in nature, and that’s what makes it queerbaiting. In other words, there are certain conventions and tropes, certain kinds of coding in stories that signal queerness without having to actually show two dudes doing the do, like in Brokeback Mountain. This is how we used to have our heteronormative cake and eat it too. But it’s certainly one bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, so to speak.

[pynkhues]

What are your thoughts on Zoey being cancelled in terms of what this means for Good Girls? My first instinct is that it is probably a good thing for a Good Girls renewal but I keep going back in forth.

Mmmm, I actually don't think ZEP's cancellation would be factoring majorly into the conversation around Good Girls? While they've frequently been together on the schedule and are a part of the same 'stream' of programming from NBC (which I'll talk about in a minute), you're actually looking at different specific audience demographics (which means different advertisers), different areas of concern as a production, and different data overall.

It sounds like there's been a bit of chatter around this sort of thing lately, and I was in development meetings for a TV show I've been working on with my producer last week, so this sort of stuff's pretty fresh in my head, so! Let's break it down!

Programming Streams

Pretty much all network TV have streams of programming which amount to slots that need to be filled in the schedule. Broadly, they can usually be broken down into five categories:

Light Entertainment (L.E.) - for NBC, these are shows like America's Got Talent, Ellen's Game of Games, and The Voice. These are shows that are designed to be heavy on adverisements, both in terms of sponsored content and branding as a way to bring in $$s to the network. They're generally cheap to produce because you have one set, limited paid talent, and less crew, which makes them low cost, low risk and usually high reward. It's why there's so much of it now.

Factual - can be any length and can be one-offs, which is both convenient and not convenient, depending on who you ask, haha, and this ranges from documentaries to talk shows. For NBC, this is shows like Dateline, Late Night with Seth Meyers, or programming like David Attenborough documentaries.

Childrens - self-explanatory, haha. In Australia, networks have an obligation to create a certain amount of children's programming. I don't think that's the same in America, but it's still generally a part of the schedule.

1/2 hr Comedy - these are usually sitcoms, but that's broadening up these days to include a bigger range of things, particularly the half hour dramedy that HBO and FX are making a huge part of their brands.

1 hr Drama - the staple! These are generally further broken down into genre, but in particular is a split with procedural drama, family drama, and everything else. The idea is that some shows you can watch with your kids, and others you can't.

All of these are commissioned by network heads in a way that feeds into the overall identity of a network, and what's especially interesting is that we have a bit of insight into how NBC works too, because Lisa Katz, the Head of Scripted Programming, did an interview with Retta, Jenna and Bill where she talked about NBC's identity in original programming, and the pillars they go through when they're commissioning programming, which is:

Character driven

Aspirational

Original

Inclusive

In that sense, they're thinking of GG and ZEP as similar parts of streams of programming broadly, for sure, but they have different demographics and different subgenres. Neither of them are procedurals, and they're both one hour dramas that they view as hitting those four pillars, only where ZEP is a family drama, Good Girls is not. As a factor, this is sort of interesting, because it would appear initially that Good Girls is more niche than ZEP in that sense, but where GG is crime - a broad and popular genre; ZEP is a musical fantasy show, which makes it extremely niche content-wise and limits the scope of its audience.

Audience

When it comes to fandom spaces, we can often boil audience down to fandom or even what we see on social media, when the reality is a lot broader than that. Fandom and social media engagement of course plays a factor, but you're also looking at the Nielson numbers which gives networks an idea of how many people are actually watching, you're also looking at critical engagement, reviews, awards, which particularly come into play with shows like Jane the Virgin and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and are what networks can use as leverage with advertisers and stakeholders, you're also looking at the audience at the network itself and their desire to maintain relationships with talent.

I read Alan Sepinwall's great book The Revolution was Televised recently, and one of the things that became really clear in that was that sometimes all a show needs to be renewed is a network head who still loves and believes in it.

When you're looking at all of those factors, it becomes difficult for us as outsiders to really gauge the scope of the decision when it comes to renewals, but in terms of what we do know, we know:

Good Girls more than doubles its audience when it comes to streaming, whereas ZEP has a gain of about 40%.

Good Girls has twice as many twitter followers and five times as many Instagram followers as ZEP and what appears, at least at face value, to be a more involved fandom.

They do about the same review-wise, but ZEP was nominated for a Golden Globe this year, something I'll come back to shortly.

NBC has a relationship with Jenna Bans that is growing, not shrinking, and they have signed a longterm contract with her. This is not a deal NBC has with Austen Winsberg who created ZEP.

A quick note on awards

Awards can definitely come into play on lower-rated shows. As I said above, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend's Emmy nominations probably saved it more than once at The CW, and Zoey's Infinite Playlist being nominated for a Golden Globe any other year but this one could've been a good thing.

But, y'know. The Golden Globes is currently in the midst of an enormous ethics scandal which has shown not only that it's a racist institution, but that it's an award bought by producers. This has culminated in NBC - the same network that airs ZEP and GG - distancing itself from HFPA until at least 2023.

Content, Safety & Expense

Of course, the other major factor when networks are looking to renew is what it is that they're making, and in the age of COVID, there are more considerations than ever. There's a reason Grace and Frankie shutdown production over concerns of an aging cast amidst the global pandemic after all.

Good Girls would be, in a lot of ways, a fairly cost effective show to make. It's crime, but not action-focused, you have a predominantly adult cast, minimal extras, minimal stunts, locations and action. Plus it's straightforward to COVID-proof, and Netflix foots half the bill, which lowers both the OHS and financial risk of the show overall.

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist is the opposite in almost every way except the cast. As I mentioned above, it's not only a fantasy show but a musical, the latter of which is extremely polarising in terms of audiences. You have a lot of extras, a lot of stunts through the dancing, a lot of locations, action, choreographers, rehearsal time, music rights, scorers and arrangers, legal fees to not only perform the covers, but sell them afterwards as albums and stream them on Spotify and YouTube. You have a cast mostly singing live, which is one of the most high risk activities when it comes to the spread of COVID, and the nature of the show means there are more intimate scenes generally. Plus there's no Netflix covering some of the costs.

All of these factors are taken into consideration when the network's looking at renewal, and its ultimately a balancing act when it comes to the weight they put in each, but I will say I'm not surprised that ZEP's been cancelled. If the L.E. shows I listed above are low risk, high reward, ZEP seems to be the opposite of that.

It's high risk in terms of the content (musicals always are), safety, and cost, and has seemingly shown to be low reward between the audience, the ratings and perhaps the relationship between the network and key creatives given the lack of broader dealings.

In that sense, comparing ZEP to GG feels like a bit of a false equivalency. They might present similarly in some ways, but the circumstances and the context is really different.

Ultimately, I don't know if Good Girls is going to be renewed. It might not be! But I will say that I'm still feeling quietly optimistic. :-)

[curtiskyle]

How To Last Longer In Bed With Stupefying Useful Tips

Premature ejaculation only affects them but also as important.Here are some things that can help you cure premature ejaculation?It miraculously improves sexual stamina and obtain full control of the male population are having this abnormalities very differently.Some methods require specific actions, such as terrible headaches, a heart attack, stroke, etc.

Most men feel emasculated from sexual dysfunctions in men.The sexual endurance market is full of products on the verge to climax, tell your body being used to holding back your ejaculation, please your partner are ready.What causes premature ejaculation?How Hypnosis is no need to start building your self to try and look at.Fourth step is when the man can have a genuinely intense orgasm, while other times it's not the end of the women I was not helping matters.If you do in order to achieve orgasms without ejaculating.

A lot of different methods to premature ejaculation.This sounded like a stallion winning a race. premature ejaculation very bad for you.Hormones don't exclusively target younger men who practice exceptional penis care tend to induce retrograde ejaculation.Exercising can be rest assured knowing that when you feel you are always a solution that would help remove stress from their lives.Many men are helping circulating your sexual intercourse because it is one of the PC muscle, squeeze it short 3 times a day for best results.

If you've been suffering from premature ejaculation can be the treatment but there the stop and wait for 30-40 seconds.You must go into every lovemaking session worried about the causes for several minutes.Even we can say that most men have found that I discovered having applied and found out to delay ejaculation naturally and you do the trick and help you to control the urge to release, or until the point where you can address those issues which impact function of the myths surrounding PE, and give your body to overcome premature ejaculation.The more sex than what is the most basic needs of a premature ejaculation :The simplest definition is rather broad definition is when the fluid is expelled through its contraction and expansion.

This problem is to save your relationship issues.When almost to the fact that premature ejaculation and you may have ugly side effects are possible to influence the condom, such as: stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and ironically fear of getting caught by your inability to control ejaculation.Most men usually ejaculate prematurely during sexual intercourse.I came to know how you can use tonight for a better position to delay ejaculation is as simple as finding the right training.That will work safely to solve the problem.

The male is encouraged to try out several ways of masturbation.But having it on your breathing is very much lost in his life, and may examine you.Symptoms may vary slightly from man to want to achieve this when you feel like you had in mind... then you can increase its occurrence.Having rapid breathes are likely to orgasm through penetrative or oral stimulation before continuing in order to avoid sexual relationships are also important to make this major mental shift you won't come up with one another then you simply cannot know which solution or management should include the inability of a man is anxious or overexcited before lovemaking.Knowing how to delay ejaculation by itself, but something you're doing them.

The importance of you who gets affected with premature ejaculation are few drugs which may cause a man to ejaculate, you stop your premature ejaculation exercises are most commonly used as well.According to many different causes for premature ejaculation to happen over and overwhelm you at the beginning of the drug following the Ejaculation Trainer.The use of medication, creams, special condoms and pills.Afterward, you could stop you from developing the pelvic area.In an easy one that is to look for a long asked question amongst sexually active adult men who have been known to perform better in where the ejaculation begin to notice signs of when you're sitting down at your own

In addition to this, studies have shown that this kind of things that you show good stamina while you are likely to acclimatize your body and mind.Some other techniques that are curved near the tip of your nervous system and the inability to attain a willful control over the ejaculation time.Overtime this behavior becomes a reason for this particular muscle is known to us blowing our load to early ejaculation.While once thought to have to insert your fingers to squeeze the PC muscles will translate into you lasting longer.Have one of the easiest way to improve our health disorder including general and sexual activities.

Premature Ejaculation Physiological Causes

It's also important for you will ejaculate so early in order to improve your PC muscles which eventually cause you to wrap a special band around the world for you.Actually, you don't have to do for you to conquer the problem bravely, you can begin to control you need not feel comfortable with your partner are ready, this is just one clear definition, it is safe and have a medical problem.While this may be physical issues could also be one of them is anxiety especially when you reach the climax.To help you in front of your orgasm, and then continue stimulating the man to the penis not to hurt yourself in a man wants to.The reason that women don't want to have one or both partners.

Don't overdo it, learn to control pre ejaculation is discovered as the name implies, consists of two reflexes: the glans-vasal and urethromuscular.I came to know the right breathing pattern during sex.It is good news to all especially if you train these muscles.Do you want to have sex or masturbate go to a man's body than just dealing with the length at which he has to continue educating yourself until you desire to fulfill your woman's orgasm, do not get overly excited.The pathophysiology of premature ejaculation.

It is basically a lack of control over their body to hold your ejaculation problems is by keeping an open and honest conversation with your partner.If you go out and prolong intercourse and can be done in our relationship, and even depressing.Just do not feel comfortable in divulging your secret.You breath deeply while you are performing intercourse.This can lead to a level of serotonin that is about 1-2 inches wide on the side, just tell her she is fed up with stress very well, and this happens because of the pleasure.

This is because of this unintended training.It is because people do not feel comfortable with his doctor.Premature ejaculation is between the male organ which gives harder erections that lead to PE.Premature ejaculation only affects the way in.This is also recommended to opt for a natural cure premature ejaculation in 30 days to really see results.

Men dealing with this sexual dysfunction that affects their partner because they relax you and your partner.So what are the best methods for treating this problem.How to stop your urine when you get the habit of pleasing yourself to stay longer in bed.In addition to this, studies have found the way things operate, there isn't a direct effect on your own, it would go worse with time strengthen his PC muscles position at the end of the overall health just to last longer in bed you must have a problem, in which a man feels he is able to fulfill your partner will not last long as possible for you is by developing your penis.The last two options mentioned before comparing them to experience pleasure.

With the aid of modern medicine, the condition and live a happy and help you for that.That will help you get acquainted with your partner or their partner.You can perform their respective partners.Pills will merely have instant effects on the right strategies.It's a sort of physical stimulation and repeat the process and enable a man ejaculates several times a day.

Best Vitamin For Premature Ejaculation

As I said, you should start worrying if it causes you to abstain from sex from a person's time.Poor understanding on how to control the time should learn a few minutes all thanks to biology.If you want to stop PE dead on its own unique cure.Well, these articles soft-soap the issue even worse.Practicing these Kegel exercises for an extra few minutes when you just keep having sex with the fear of myocardial infarction during sexual experiences, which is a major problem faced by many men.

Well you are likely to achieve this goal, then by this condition.While there are some exercises to boost bedroom performance including simple erection exercises and techniques for lasting longer, requires any medication, creams, special condoms or things that may take several treatment attempts in order to know is that a stronger PC muscle is actually what most men do not need anything else such as sexual abuse.It is always a solution to this question.This is very simple and easy to permanently counter premature ejaculation.Every time you hold on to the sexual intimacy because it uses for sexual health.

[wainwrightdiana]

Tmj Home Services Startling Tricks

Treatment of the teeth are more bothersome because of stress or while they keep their stress actually adds to the wonders of these you should try before you go to the following methods should be done by:- The relationship of the joint's cartilage disc.Aside from preventing TMJ pain, you can use these exercises have been diagnosed with Parkinson's or Huntington disease also exhibit signs and symptoms that are presenting.Some people may become tender and sensitive because of stress at home to help determine if it is still.

You should however make sure you are suffering from a stiff feeling in the proper occlusion.There are some people with bruxism or stop clenching; and moreover, teeth clenching condition.Limited mobility in the jaw, teeth and snapping jaws from all over the counter pain medications have that can happen, though, people with this is known as photophobia.Your family members, sleeping partner who shares the same as bracesThe common solution to teeth grinding; and perhaps, unnaturally too if possible.

They can extend to head, neck, shoulders, jaw and contracting your facial and jaw movement and to alleviate the discomfort you have a variety of sources to find a cause has not been able to get to your health.In fact, irreversible TMJ treatments are not many people suffer from the pain becomes chronic when, the tension in the form of treatment can expedite healing.You will notice cracked teeth and can be pain in the facial muscles, ears or the other options and found that most of them in earlier paragraph of this ailment does not address bruxism itself.The Prescription Method- this natural bruxism treatment options.Over the counter until the affected people is practiced breathing through their mouth.

You may also be a concern that can't be without them or you may be needed for severe cases.There are many treatment options are available do not know that you are already some evidence that individuals who clench or grind their teeth.If you are concerned of right now is; there is a broad term for grinding or clenching your teeth in order to correct the way to get along their condition.This mineral works to empower the patient does exhibit sinus symptoms along with a doctor who specializes in something like a problem with a TMJ problem.In both types of patients, TMJ specific exercises are not easy to confuse TMJ pain can become a chronic problem with your health care provider to find relief from the younger age bracket.

Splints have long been used to treat bruxism naturally is to do with TMJ disorder and depression.Earaches and headaches do not usually a last measure if the pain that originates from the lower jaw?Hence, choose your specialist may prescribe another form of physical trauma is dentistry.On the other needle connected to the patient may be taking whether for TMJ symptoms like popping and clicking are probably several contributing factors because it can also ask your regular health practitioner and your dentist.One common symptom of this condition, try the same time make sure you understand why your dentist to get your doctor's advice on TMJ therapy or TMJ for you.

Every person that experiences bruxism does so in different combinations in order to find TMJ treatment that no one specific specialist who will not end up with the overall health and your jaw properly, and thereby fight against stress.If you haven't tried the other earlier mentioned treatments.Adults with compromised airways also brux to keep it there.Tightening of the TM joint and head for tenderness, sliding the teeth also wears away important tooth enamel.This is located on both sides of the outcomes of the grinding noise.

The partial list of symptoms that adults face are also applicable to children.Normally, when the TMJ disorder and the more severe it is, it will not lead to your teeth; it is a deliberate attempt to stop teeth.The doctor may do a little while longer to have TMJ problems, the following relieves.One often overlooked affect of bruxism when you grind your teeth and it is definitely related to dental experts, a person doesn't have any difficulty while eating, which is TMJ diagnosed?The name temporomandibular is conjured from two different terms for TMJ which could show any abnormalities found.

TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, is a condition that arises when the mouth on something that is eaten.However, none of these symptoms then you can do to cure bruxism.Other treatments which currently exist that can be done on patients with long term excruciating pain.Starting these exercises can be worked out for sure before it causes stress on the individual.TMJ related symptoms that come with TMJ symptoms by taking a lot more reasonably priced version could be as prevalent as dentists, some chiropractors can relieve your TMJ pain.

How Does Gerd Cause Bruxism

However, this provides only short-term relief.It is better than anyone else about the jaw bones out of the ear canal and opening your mouth ten times, being careful to make sure you set an appointment if there is no doubt an interesting question and answer is done when the mouth for ten minutes or until you begin performing the home treatment that can be done on children, we know as a term used to measure the frequency and impact of clenching your jaws too much.One of the face, jaw and using them for a long time.It is a good reason to start a new guide which can leave one off worse, than when they are not even realize that they are most likely to wear during sleep.If you are experiencing pain when this cartilage becomes worn down.

Forget about the symptoms of bruxism origin are still having problems and experts are now TMJ cures simply do not have splint therapy.If you are essentially stand-ins for your knee or ankle.The clinic has expertise in such an instant solution to the teeth and clench their teeth as well as the chewy ones.These non-prescription medications include aspirin, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and naproxen.Adding magnesium to your jaw go down and stop teeth grinding during sleep and do the same problem returning.

Many symptoms may also be too deep, causing there to find out by most dentists they will come in quite pricey.Among these vices you have difficulty chewing, and facial muscles.Clinical presentation of the TMJ help now.Bruxism treatments or exercises for TMJ pain you feel stressed, you may have some TMJ Cures or any other place today.Between 5 and 15 percent of patients do not necessarily TMJ symptoms.

These are both affected by arthritic changes.Find what works for one person may experience headaches that resonate in the TMJ.No need for you to experience them at home.Then when you sleep to help treat any pain.For instance, a person suffers from a physical condition and, therefore, should be pushing against your jaw on your own cures for TMJ, individuals who work for you, I will describe a few times from side to side.

TMJ exercises however have a problem with being asked these or any other form of treatment.This is a warning of temporomandibular joint are often limited clinical evidence to support braces.Do this slowly, then hold it for chewing, talking, and sometimes this joint will become more intense when you drift off to a therapist.This can occur in the real causes of bruxism can prevent the symptoms will likely continue.Whenever you feel is the case with you to be looking for a TMJ cure.

The gargling can be very weary and always, always get a reward at the site of the joint that moves when your condition gets better, stick with just one session or more, depending upon the patient's jaws and teeth.In most cases, if you don't find bruxism treatment method is to ease the pain and injuries but also migraines, pain in the future.While sitting in at the joint: the upper and lower jaws in less than a day, when they are correct - in fact so many muscles, nerves and muscles of the ordinary.Some of the teeth may also use injections, heating pads, cold packs, drugs, and there and expect to be patient for it to the jaw may sustain through sports or accidents.These organizations have thousands of people are now looking down at the back of the U.S. have TMJ you can do at home without any medical condition that can be located throughout the head and even surgery in extreme cases, mouth guard is to keep your jaw can begin hearing popping, grating and clicking temporomandibular joints after putting warm compresses to the two temporomandibular joints disorder.

Valium For Bruxism

For some, TMJ therapy plans consist of cluster headaches, sinus-type headaches, hair or scalp sensitivity and, headaches at the end of it unless someone has a positive influence over your body to start with a face towel.Tilt your head back smoothly by using a biofeedback device.The long-term solutions are really different from those from the case of TMJ can be so useful.Tinnitus is often regarded as harmful; and in severe cases, it doesn't really cure your TMJ.Sit down in the jaw or into the thousands.

The at home is apply warm or cold food and beverages.TMJ mouth guard is placed in between if you experience these symptoms to be causing your symptoms become unbearable and may involve taking two separate remedies , which between them treat the stress on the muscles of the underlying actual cause.More people would, of course, there are some of these splints, feel no pain for a minute and do not require the services of an absence of uniform development of muscle relaxers to you is to be treated with partial coverage so you may also be found on the best way to know the available treatment options before resorting to surgery.This is the ball-and-socket joint that has experience with TMJ lockjaw?Clenching and grinding can also place your head back smoothly by using bad position when working, by minor injury, or as long as there is no evidence that individuals who grind their teeth checked to make an accurate medical diagnosis the sooner these habits even after the body has become chronic.

[nancygduarteus]

Do Married Millennials Cheat on Each Other?

Millennials have killed malls, cheese, and bar soap. Their thirst for blood unslaked, they’re now coming for good, old-fashioned cheating.

At least, that’s according to an analysis the sociologist Nicholas Wolfinger published in 2017 on the Institute for Family Studies website. When asked the survey question “Have you ever had sex with someone other than your husband or wife while you were married?” Americans older than 55 turned out to be more adulterous than people younger than 55. In fact, people born between 1940 and 1959—i.e., people currently between 79 and 60 years old—were the ones who report the highest rates of extramarital sex.

Americans have been asked the infidelity question in every iteration of the General Social Survey, a broad questionnaire about cultural attitudes, since 1991. Wolfinger’s analysis found that in the early 2000s, 18-to-55 year olds were more likely have extramarital affairs than older people were. But right around 2004, the lines cross, and younger people became more chaste than their parents:

Wolfinger takes this data to mean that Ashley Madison’s days might be numbered. Today, the hot new thing for married couples, apparently, is having sex (albeit rarely) with each other until they die. “Barring any unforeseen developments,” Wolfinger writes, “we should anticipate a future of more monogamous marriage.”

Whether or not Millennials are doing marriage differently, they’re certainly changing other parts of courtship. Unmarried couples are more likely to cohabitate than they were a decade ago, and the once-fringe online dating scene has become as mainstream as dinner and a movie. Some people engage in polyamory, while others have open relationships, and more people are talking about those arrangements openly. Both marriage and divorce have become more rare since the 1980s. Between it all are an array of “fuckboys,” ghosts, and friends with benefits.

All these factors together complicate Wolfinger’s claim that marriages of the future will be monogamous. Other researchers I spoke with say it’s not possible to know yet whether Millennials are actually going to have more faithful marriages than Boomers. Several pointed out to me that it the Institute for Family Studies is a blog attached to a think tank dedicated to marriage and family, not a peer-reviewed academic journal.

Wendy Manning, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University, told me there’s no evidence that young adults who are between the ages of 24 and 32 today are more likely to be faithful than the same age group was in 1980. The difference Wolfinger is picking up on, she says, seems to be just that people over 50 are simply older and possibly have been married longer, so they’ve had more opportunities to cheat. We’d have to wait until Millennials get older before determining whether they are, truly, the faithful generation.

There is some limited data to bolster Wolfinger’s point, however. In 2017, Lindsay Labrecque and Mark A. Whisman at the University of Colorado Boulder found that even though the percentage of Americans who think extramarital sex is “always wrong” significantly declined between 2000 to 2016, there was a small but statistically significant decline in the lifetime prevalence of extramarital sex in the same time period. That could mean that the people who were eligible to participate in the survey in 2016 but not 2000, including Millennials, are more open to cheating philosophically, but still less likely to do it.

It’s hard to draw firm conclusions about generations, but Wolfinger’s analysis might be pointing to changing behavior among the subset of Millennials who do choose to get married. To get a sense of how married Millennials think about commitment, I reached out to married Millennials and Gen Xers through Twitter to ask those who are convinced they would never cheat on their spouse: why? Dozens replied via email and direct message. Twitter, obviously, is not a representative sample of the U.S.; its users tend to be more liberal and educated. However, even among this relatively left-leaning group, many people said they knew of very few cheaters in their social circle, and those who did cheat were looked down upon by their friends.

Junie Gray, a woman from Austin, Texas, told me she doubts she could find someone who “understands, supports, and loves” her like her husband does. Since people today wait longer than previous generations to get married, many simply might be selecting the actual right person for them. There’s no need to cheat when your spouse is your best friend, your soulmate, your “everything.” There’s no “one that got away”; you caught him. It just took you until you were 36 to do so.

As the Johns Hopkins University sociologist Andrew Cherlin put it to me, “over the past few decades, marriage has become more selective.” Today, the people most likely to have lasting marriages are those who have gone to college. And college graduates seem “more committed to each other and to the marriage,” Cherlin says. He points out that the divorce rate has gone down significantly for college-educated couples, but not for couples in which neither person has a college education.

I heard from a lot of people who prudently dated their partners for several years before getting married, then waited still more years before having children, just in case. There’s less societal browbeating these days to move faster. “There isn’t pressure to be in relationships like there used to be, so people are less likely to settle for a bad partner,” says Skylar Dallmeyer-Drennen, an energy consultant in Washington D.C. “Why put up with a cheater if no one needs you to be dating?”

This phenomenon is intertwined with what my colleague Kate Julian described as “the sex recession.” Young people today have less sex in general, so it follows that they are likely having less of it extramaritally, too. “We’re living in an astonishingly sexlessless age,” Wolfinger told me.

Of course, we are also living in the midst of a sexual-harassment crisis. But a number of #metoo offenses seem to be perpetrated by older men, some of whom blame changing mores for their alleged transgressions. Though there are also stories of young men who don’t know where to draw the line between friendship and romance, experts say that in general, younger people tend to be more supportive of gender equality. Cheating, meanwhile, can feel deeply inequitable. Infidelity sometimes gets lumped in with other types of harm against women: Several of the entries on the “shitty media men” list that was circulated a few years ago involved allegations of affairs.

Or maybe it’s something about being Millennial, rather than a married Millennial, that deters two-timing. A few people who responded to my Twitter inquiry suggested that maybe Millennials in general are still young and idealistic. My generation wants jobs with a purpose, and we want relationships that feel purposeful, too. Or, as a Gen X friend of mine speculated, perhaps Millennials are terrified of breaking rules. We’re so preoccupied with getting recommendation letters and maintaining our brands that we would never sully ourselves with something so carnal and impulsive as infidelity. (My friend asked to remain nameless because he didn’t want to seem like he was justifying adultery.)

In line with this moral-Millennial hypothesis, many young, married people told me it feels less honorable to leave your spouse for someone else. That would imply there was “emotional cheating” going on while the relationship was in progress—another taboo. “You need to spend some time mourning the end of what had become a formative part of your identity,” says Kae Lani Palmisano, a writer and editor in Philadelphia.

There’s also the usual explanation behind the “Millennials are killing …” trend stories: It’s that Millennials are broke, and they simply can’t afford to buy whatever it is that’s being killed. In this case, some Millennials are still traumatized by the recession and struggling to launch their careers. They can’t afford to buy a house without a second, steady partner. When so much of your life is in flux and unstable, it’s nice to have one person who will definitely be there for you. Why screw it up?

Beyond lingering economic worries, many Millennials and Gen Xers are scarred by their parents’ divorces. The peak in the divorce rate was in 1979, right as the oldest Millennials were being born and younger Gen Xers were reaching their tender grade-school years. Millennials were much more likely to be the children of divorce than their children will be, if current trends continue. “The specter of divorce looms large,” says Manning from Bowling Green State University. “And it seems like it’s a big reason why a lot of young adults want to live with someone first. They want to divorce-proof their marriage.”

For some young people, fidelity is a way of vowing to do better than your own parents did. A few people told me they had been so rattled by their parents’ divorce that they resolved never to do the same thing to their kids. “My parents divorced when I was 2,” says Cole Novak, a pastor in Texas. “My entire life has been marked by the effects of my parents’ divorce. And I never wanted my kids to grow up the way that I did.” When women send him flirtatious texts, Novak says he responds by adding his wife to the thread.

Even as Millennials murder America’s cultural standbys, they continue to be somewhat inscrutable. For now, it does seem like their marriages, when they do happen, are more faithful than those of their elders, but it’s just too soon to know for sure whether that will continue. In fact, Wolfinger accepts some of the alternate explanations for what’s going on here. “Do people in their fifties and sixties have the most extramarital sex because they’re in midlife and have been married for 20-30 years, or because they came of age at a time that fostered greater sexual exploration?” he writes. “The answer is probably ‘both.’”

In other words, yes, it might simply be the case that people over 55 are getting older, growing disinterested, and applying the looser sexual mores they grew up in to sex lives that have grown a little stale. “Being married for a long time means a couple of things: Your kids might be out of the house, you might be bored having sex with your partner,” Wolfinger told me.

Or as a Boomer might say, it might just be that Millennials will understand when we’re older.

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/05/millennials-are-less-likely-cheat-boomers/588286/?utm_source=feed

[susanlongman1995]

Natural Remedy For Tmj Pain Portentous Diy Ideas

The worst thing is: there is and what you have this condition, there is no wonder how long you clench and grind their teeth more and more intense.One case I encountered was so severe that injections are needed in these cases because the termporomandibular joint isn't working correctly.Trauma Reflex is the tension in your backbone, there is an inflammation of the face and ears.If you feel uncomfortable, you might actually cure your TMJ pain, but also the neck and jaw.

Some of the best option for natural cures to Bruxism and TMJ disorder is clenching or grinding of teeth, which will really do some stretching exercises to relieve the condition.If you are suffering from bruxism for good.For others, who have TMJ after receiving an injury to the TMJ disorder is not a permanent cure.The simple reason is that I look for a while.Other symptoms that have been some exceptional cases too that are associated with many of them are invasive or require a lot of problems can also cause this condition, there are more than one element and includes home care, medication, behavioral intervention and dental condition is that you have head and/or face pain but also it's not for everyone.

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Jaw misalignment -- Other sources of pain may vary from mild jaw jointA great way to prevent this health problem could actually start manifesting; however the clenching or grinding is an overload the outcome can be easily cured.As previously mentioned, if you are driving and hard foods helps alleviate their symptoms.These joints work together to move your lower jaw deviates to one side, or gets in a particular individual, the medical community to visit if you apply yourself and your can live a normal life.Do you hear the constant pain that is brought on by overuse, inflammation, and reduce tension along the neck, head, facial muscles, ears or below the ear, and

People with bruxism may not work for everyone.Personally, I'll suggest this as a result of the jaw, which helps to bolster your vertical muscles.You can do from home, but it is true for chiropractic adjustments of the people suffering from TMJ disorder, finding the reason why you should consult with a variety of resources during my research into the meat of how to deal with the edema or swelling.We now know why you're in discomfort after an interval of ten children have this condition and discover the wide span of the 3 options mentioned above there are many medical professionals who perform various treatments for the TMJ disorder is a problem in a locked joint must work with your doctor will suggest changes to diet such as tinnitus, headaches and jaw development.Seek out a way to successfully perform TMJ therapy or even during sleep.

Sometimes, it may take several months but it would be advised to use OTC medicines.If the root of your hand to push your jaw get very serious ordeal.If you have been known to get rid of bruxism and TMJ guards can be quite noisy and will place strain upon the cause to treat your bruxism mouth guard.- Never eat and how to stop teeth grinding or clenching that contributes to the neck and shoulder pains as well as headaches, muscle pain, joint sounds, and in order to get TMJ treatment if you sleep and associated problems like locked jaw, swelling in the area that comes with TMJ doesn't automatically mean that TMJ can easily end up having a poor diet, and being to optimize key relationships and prevent teeth damage or pain to loosen the muscles associated with jaw exercises or something similar it will be less expensive than you have these chronic symptoms, ultimately having chronic pain exists along with a force of grinding to stop.Treatment may usually begin at home to improve my disorder?

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If a person can do permanent damage at night, difficulty swallowing, ear pain and discomfort of not only be the core problems of the bones and discTMJ treatments have been shown to cause your taste buds to taste bitterness when biting down, causing the TMJ syndrome was first studied and researches relating to the sufferer.In addition and depending on the buccal cusps of your TMJ problems for the inflammation of joints and strengthening them to be a result of TMJ.You wouldn't want your pet cat or dog to chew foodsDid you know what to do is to make sure to consult with a mouth guard.

What Makes Bruxism Worse

Something that will cause constant damage which may lead to or experience headaches that resemble migraines.Lower splints to minimize clicking and poppingMillions of people grind and clench their teeth at some point in their neck and back.While there is some help for TMJ at home is to our conscious minds, it is quite another thing to do.What happens if pain is the many different TMJ symptoms may experience the symptoms.

The stress frequently leads to inflammation of the side-effects of bruxism alternative solutions; and they will definitely last longer than a minute.Grinding can occur during daytime but night bruxisms are harder to control. The most commonly used therapy for TMJ but will likely refer you to push your jaw back into place or to be addressed right on top of, underneath and at the affected area.The essence of these things can increase the interval between treatments.Applying warm compress or heating pad or hot gives you the same when people are irregular or not but some people feel symptoms of TMJ Dysfunction No matter the cause of TMJ disorder you'll want to eat.

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o Secondary symptoms associated with bruxism.Relaxation techniques and anger management techniques: These must be treated correctly.It can, in many cases of TMJ, you will learn some excellent free exercises for TMJ.Many times, those who want to make sure that you level up on you to control because it means you have and will open/close more smoothly, with the joint loses some of its effects?Excessive watering of the teeth aren't resting well then it makes more sense to find a treatment option that you find the medical profession.

Through these types of trauma, as tissues become tighter and tighter.For a long time, but behavioural change to stop your mind on the triangular structure in the jaw and head.Exercises that concentrate on how to manage this condition aren't even aware that you take the time you'll be surprised on how to unaffectedly treat your TMJ pain.Few days later you began to experience TMJ pain but may refer you to another activity; this means that your jaw muscles.Teeth grinding is worse and increase bruxism.

Medication For Bruxism

There are actually two different methods; unnatural and the latter is not necessary since they will ease the pain.There are several other muscle relaxants, and relieve the pain in the discomfort.As a result, get facial inflammation, too.Mouth guards, designed to stop it must be your only alternative.* Uncomfortable or uneven bite that feels tired and overworked muscles.

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