#because this is how we get me crying about corvids

[chntfessions]

Okay, fuck, we need a serious heart-to-heart here.

Hi, my name is Sydney, I am the original creator of this blog. This blog has only been up for a few weeks, and I should've established this sooner.

First things first: EVERYONE has opinions, whether we like those opinions or not shouldn't matter and we all need to learn to mind our own. If a confession is something YOU don't like, then just shut up and hate privately. We try our best to filter asks and keep hate out of this community but the people posting asks aren't letting this happen and I am TIRED of being blamed for fucking discourse.

When this blog was first made me and the mods fought TOOTH AND NAIL to defend ourselves and reassure everyone that we weren't chntangrytimes reincarnated, the only people causing discourse is the people who can't respect opinions. Corvids Sydney opinion? You think I fucking agree with that? You think I don't take it personally as a Sydney fictionkin? No I don't agree with it but I'm not gonna harass them for it. Do you think I agree with any of these wack ass ships you people come up with?? I don't agree with most of them but you don't see me reblogging posts and telling you to your faces that the ship sucks.

I'm really sick and tired of opening my phone every single goddamn week to see that numb nuts is fighting with a mod because the mod said that water is wet.

If you aren't mature enough to respect other people's opinions you can get the fuck out and go cry in your room alone about how someone said something you didn't like on the Internet. I don't fucking care if "that's just how you are" because that's not a fuckin explanation or reason, if being a dick to people is what you like doing then go to a fucking american public highschool and you'll fit right in

I've noticed you guys only target corvid too, leave them ALONEEEE for fucks sake dude they've been through and are going through enough without someone crying and whining over the fact they think Sydney should be kicked in the non-existent nuts.

This is the end of my rant, if you have a problem with something one of the mods is saying or doing just DM me on my main ( @museofthearcitect ) and I will sort it out. The next person who starts an argument with one of the mods can consider themselves unwelcome in this space, go find someone else who will tolerate your childish ass.

[moth-time]

Got tagged by @buffintruder for their end of year fic writing ask thing and promptly forgot about it hhh (check out theirs!). But yes thank you for the tag, here we go! I dunno if I can answer everything seeing as I just started writing this year, hahah.

Most Popular Fic: Hold your Heart in my Hands and squeeze (gently) Probably most popular by a combination of being the oldest + it’s pwp, people read porn (Going by kudos, because I think hits are kind of bullshit). But hey, it’s good porn! It got more attention than I expected, what’s with FMA being an older fandom and Greed/Ling not super popular. I do think it’s much more telling that the next two in line, Long Live and Hungry Ghost, have almost the same amount of kudos despite Long Live being quite a few months older. I think the MCD tag spooks people x)

Favorite Fic: Long Live the Emperor Honestly this is a very hard pick because I really like all of them. I mean I better, @magpiedragon and I wrote these fics because they’re the stuff we wanted to read but couldn’t find :p But I am still very proud of what we did with Long Live, especially. The writing is clever, okay? We wrote it cackling the entire time and throwing lines back and forth going “NO D:<” “YES >:))” about the angst we put into it, and I think it has excellent re-read potential because it hits different once you know the plot twist, too. Idk we just did a really good job at writing sad shit!

Most Unexpected Fic: I guess that’s Hold Your Heart again, just by virtue of- holy shit I wrote a fic. I don’t do fic?? And yet. A fic happened. It’s not half bad, even!

Fics for Next Year: Oh man. In no particular order, and most of these would be collabs with my favorite corvid: - Greed touch 5 + 1 - Ling finally gets to have a big ole cry - Greed/Ed/Ling pwp - Ling getting spoiled a little pwp Possibly some other pwp options I dunno. Also I make no promises on any of this actually happening don’t call me out x)

Next Fic I Plan on Writing: Kind of a toss up between the Ed sandwich and the big ole cry. We’ll see how inspiration strikes.

Gonna tag! @rollerskatinglizard, @splickedylit, @unacaritafeliz, @gaylord-zuko, @shocotate :D

[paleode-ology]

Favorite 🦜 go

bro I literally started answering this and saved a draft but I guess it got swallowed whole when I switched between mobile to desktop?? idk. anyway birdies. I'm also gonna do top three because!! birds!!! are so fun!!!!

firstly I highly respect the corvid love. I want to train a flock of crows to bring me gifts soooo badly. maybe when I am a homeowner. someday.

Red-tailed hawks! They're like the most common raptor in the US but I love them anyway. There's a leucistic one that lives in my neighborhood and I got some very subpar photos of it once lmao.

this may seem like poor quality tumblr image, but that's for real how grainy the photo is. I was using my biggest camera lens zoomed in all the way and I still couldn't focus it entirely properly :,)

2. downy woodpeckers! I love woodpeckers in general but downies are so small and very common birdfeeder birds so I get to see them more often! also they're not quite as loud as the bigger woodpeckers lmao. there's a (possibly pileated?) very large woodpecker we've seen and heard outside our house from time to time and boy. is he LOUD. i respect it tho.

here's a downy! damn this image is huge wow. anyway the female ones don't have the red spot! I appreciate their monochrome chic but I do like the red hat on the males quite a bit.

3. best for last!!!!!!! hummingbirds!!!!! my babies. my all time favorites. pollinators in general are like the theme of my life. butterflies, bees, moths. I love them all. but hummingbirds? most gorgeous perfect creatures ever. we only really get the ruby-throated hummingbird here where I live (and they don't stick around for the winter) but we get a couple accidental species every once in a while. I love them all. most perfect bird ever.

hummingbird!! baby!!!!! so everything!!!!!!! once I was sitting at the window seat of a cafe and one of these babies hit the window and fell to the ground. it was alive but just kind of sat on the ground looking traumatized for like twenty minutes and I started crying because I was so worried about it. when I say "once" I really mean "this summer".

thank u so much for the ask, star!!! i know i asked first but i was delighted to get a reciprocal ask lol :D birds are so cool

[infinitefluffderg]

Jesse’s 2022 Game Review

PHowdy folks! With another year on the verge of collapse and the circus tent to be propped up a-new with a new coat of paint, it’s time to talk briefly about videos game. In the past, I made a list of my top 10 favorite games, diluted into my infamous prose heavy stylings. Not this year. Though you cannot force me away with many bars of corvid ownership from the act of getting flowery with dialogue, I’ll at least attempt terseness. Key word: attempt. Also, 5. 5′s a nice number and it’s less painful to write for.

As a quick reminder to all unfamiliar with my reviewing style: these are games that I’ve played this year that have left the largest impact on me. They aren’t games that came out this year (usually) and they aren’t games I played a lot of this year (though if they were, then DRG would be number 1). Usually I favor uniqueness and innovation over most other factors. Every game on this list is a banger and a half and gets my highest recommendation. With that squared away, let us begin.

Runners Up:

There were a LOT of great games that I played and honestly it becomes very difficult to rank games when all of them are just so damn good. So here’s a list of games in no particular order that really blew me away this year, but not enough to make the top 5.

Tropico 6

Satisfactory

Potionomics

Fight Knight

Disco Elysium

Dead Cells

The Forgotten City

5. Grounded

I play games with my boyfriend a lot. Usually, every day, if possible, we’ll sink a couple hours into our favorite multiplayer experiences. So I usually try to find us new experiences to enjoy to go alongside favorite staples. Grounded as a “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” survival sim oozing with style and at high recommendation from others, was one I knew would be a hit even before we played it. And then we played it. Well, he played it a lot more than I did, but, I still helped out a lot.

Truthfully, Grounded is as much an RPG as a Survival Sim as you gradually update and upgrade your gear to deal with increasing challenge in this tiny world. The combat system is robust, there’s always a new unique challenge ahead of you, and the bugs are as adorable as they are horrifying. I could sleep with the little noises Ladybugs make in this game. If someone has exported all the bug sounds from this game, hit me up.

4. Super Animal Royale

Like I said in the last game choice, my boyfriend and I play together a lot, so we look for fun multiplayer experiences. SAR was his choice, and one he picked up because free is always welcome. And yeah, SAR knocks it out of the park. Not only is the gameplay well balanced and a thrill to fight online in, but it also manages to create one of the rare Free To Play experiences where you really want to pay the devs money just to support their game.

Nothing gameplay-wise is locked behind a fee, everything you would spend real money on is cosmetic. Plus, if you did like cosmetics, it’s super easy to get enough premium currency by playing the game to afford one of their battlepasses. These passes don’t expire too! You can always go back and level older passes if cosmetics in one season stood out more than other ones. If you’re interested in a cute animal top down and haven’t given SAR a try yet, there’s really no better time than now.

3. Ultrakill

I listen to Ultrakill’s OST on and off when I need something higher energy while I work on complicated projects. Similarly, Ultrakill is the most stylish FPS with Quake graphics I’ve played/witnessed. It runs off rule of cool similarly to its direct inspiration - Devil May Cry. And it all plays so damn smooooooooth.

My boyfriend (don’t tire of me talking about him, we do games together A LOT) is considerably better at this game than I am and I feel like I judge some of my opinions over how much he plays a game. At writing, he has P ranked the entire game on all difficulties, and Cyber Grinds (endless mode) for the fun of it. He’s gotten to Wave 25 I think? I’ll need to check with him again sometime. Anyways, he’ll show me how P-2 looks since his ability is on a whole other level.

2. Yakuza 0

I finally dipped my toes into Yakuza this year and HOOOOOOLY SHIT I was unprepared for what would be a hell of an experience. As someone who has played through Kiwami and about a third of Kiami 2 (remakes of the first and second games), 0 is the absolute best way to hook someone on the series. As the title suggests, it’s a prologue introducing the back stories for the two main runners of Kiryu’s ongoing quest to be a positive influence in the lives of orphans and others. And live. An amazing soap opera thriller crime drama that hits incredible heights constantly throughout its running, silly grade-A side stories, a solid difficulty curve, and much much more.

And by starting with 0, you get the amazing build up to go with it. 0′s incredible story helps temper the lows of the Kiwami remake (which is still a good game, don’t get me wrong) so that you can bounce back into the amazing engine update utilized for Kiwami 2. It’s just a good-ass game people.

1. Super Mario Odyssey

If you told me last year that this was going to be my number one game, I’d call you crazy. As someone who doesn’t easily fall in love with AAA games, preferring indie titles, the idea that Super Mario Odyssey would be such a must-play would have been completely dismissed. But no, over so many many other games I played this year, Super Mario Odyssey is the clear superior. SMO runs on high moments, everything has been so well planned out and the world is big without being overwhelming. This. This felt like the natural evolution of what Mario 64 was. And if you’ve been noting how much I’ve gushed over this year for the last month, then it should come to no surprise that it’s here at the top of my list. Everything was planned and perfected with such clear purpose it’s perplexing.

When this game came out alongside A Hat in Time, I felt that Hat would be superior because it controlled in a way that I wished Mario did. With mid-air dive cancels, a really really fun world to explore, a funny story with great characters. It was only this year, three years later, that I found that Odyssey not only did all that, it did it better. (Well, the writing of Hat is better, but...)

Anyways, if you are interested in a Switch, Odyssey is worth getting a Switch for. Though, admittedly, more if you’re the kind of person who adores adventurous open worlds in a collect-a-thon platform setting.

This is what AAA gaming should be. Anything else pales.

[sister-lucifer]

I have not written a long post and was recently reminded of when you asked us how we as your followers felt about you, and so, I give you the fruits of my labor.

I would like to imagine living on an estate with you, deep within a bramble ridden forest, thunderstorms-bound over head, but neither of us care, for the sound of rain is soothing, and comforting smell of petrichor soothes the weary soul and comforts mind.

The main manor is lit only via candles and fireplaces, crackling wood mixing with the rain in the night. The corvids I’ve tamed caw outside in cacophonous manner, one that makes my eyes light up in a grin. I push a silver trolley, piled with tea-stuffs and small treats towards your personal study, one I’ve come to know most intimately with how much I clean, to keep order in this house.

Gently I open the door, so as not to disturb, as I move to you, stopping the trolley by your desk, shifting on my feet, messing with the cuffs of my finely pressed suit.

My voice a soft whisper, watching longingly as you work. As you glance up towards me, I feel my heart speed up and my gaze immediately falls to the floor, suddenly finding interest in my shoes, freshly shined and polished, all in an effort to look my best for you.

I barely notice as you rise, grunting when I feel you pull my arm, naturally falling into your lap. My shocked face turns to a chuckle, reaching an arm out and pulling the trolley close once more, grasping a small silver platter with a slice of cake. I place it on your desk next to your work, also grabbing a knife and fork, cutting a small piece and gently tapping your lips.

I watch with bated breath as you take the bite, muttering under my breath that I made it for you…

… I can no longer focus.

All I can imagine is a smile, a warm soft smile down on me as if I deserve it I do not and a soft hug around me I do not deserve love and affection. Care. These are things I have not felt in so long and yet you give them to me and I don’t understand. I cannot understand.

No matter how long I sit and think I simply cannot comprehend why in the nine circles of hell would you ever be willing to care for me. I’ve tried, tireless nights washing over like the endless waves of a violent typhoon, crashing over my skin and rocking my mind in ways I could never comprehend and it hurts.

Something deep within the bottomless void that should hold my soul aches and yearns for praise and touch and comfort and yet when I reach I instead bury myself in more work, fearing I may bother you and you will push me away like everyone else.

For being clingy.

Overbearing.

Needy.

And I cannot let that be so I sing my songs of woe and misery in the darkest corners of this manor I have poured my entire being into, hoping to one day truly and fully become a mindless drone and forget my thoughts in the piles of work and physical labor, overwhelming my mind with back-crushing labor.

If not, then the thoughts darker than night will fill my head of snatching you away and filling my darkest desires but I cannot and simply will not. I am better than this.

I should be better than this.

I have to be better than this.

… Can I be better than this?

Than this beast that rests in the hole of my heart, crying and clawing and screaming at the cage I’ve kept it in. Because I know I’m too far gone and my only option is to scream into the void and hope that nothing whispers back.

I write this at 11:57 pm. My mind is a mess and my emotions especially are all around a wild amalgamation of nothing and everything. As I write this I am in a state of euphoria at the mere thought that you may see this, but also pure, primal horror at the same time, both hand in hand as I pull and pinch at my skin, something wanting to slip from my skin and run from this place.

I apologize for wasting your time.

Perhaps if I sleep these harmful thoughts and feelings shall fade once more. As they always do.

Again, I apologize, but I simply had to get these emotions out. If you feel the need to space yourself from me, I do not take any offense. I am tired.

I am so so tired.

Goodnight, Master.

-🖋️

no time is ever wasted, my dear anon, it’s simply not possible. any time taken is always well spent.

you needn’t ever worry about being too clingy for me. i may not always have the energy or time for long purple prose of my own, but the level which i appreciate any and every message in my inbox is so incomprehensibly deep it is unable to be expressed with any language.

you have a wonderful way with words. please, never stop writing

[gymn0somata]

MASON POSTING TIME

like, 2 years ago, when i had to get my wisdom teeth removed, they gave me this funky "cocktail" of dizziness (in italy, anaesthetic gas isnt common i think? so they gave me these drops to make me stupid bc id be crying in horror otherwise)

and boy let me tell you that i sincerely believe i was high for the first time ever

so my poor, little and full-of-anxiety 16 year old body got FLOORED in like 15mins of taking this medicinal weed soup. and i mean absolutely fuckin GONE

my mom was next to me, and she just asked me "how you feelin, bud?" to which i proceed by pointing at the empty chairs in front of us and nonchalantly going "they got legs. like spiders. theyre gonna get me"

at this point, a random nurse walks by, and i still go on with my dumbass spider chair rant, and of course this poor lady couldnt have known i had taken some funny medicine juice, so when she left she just looked at me slightly concerned. my mom pointed it out, and i just dramatically held my hand out, tears rolling down my face, whimpering "no.. im so sorry... please dont send the cops after me......"

after that, i began reading the signs on the chairs, which notified others to leave one seat empty between each other, because yknow. the Corvid Nine Teen. problem was, the fucking text was in french, spanish and various other languages. my only perfect fluency is in english and italian, so just imagine this kid, high off their fucking mind, reading broken french to their mother, who at this point was recording me and almost crying in laughter

later on, i got sent in to the dentist, who laughed at my condition, and proceeded to work on my tooth

just about before we were done, i finally was back to normal, and they were putting up stitches. so, mouth open wide by that damn thingmabob they shove in your face hole to keep it open, i manage to blurt out, "hey can i keep my tooth after this" to which the doctors laughed slightly and agreed. i now have my tooth, covered up in dried blood, somewhere in my room, and i promptly named it françois

by the time i was home to rest, aka 2 weeks, the left side of my face swelled up to the point it left a damn Bruise Under My Eye. i had to eat cold mashed potatoes and cold scrambled eggs for 2 weeks as to not fuck up the stiches

thing is, in my insanely pained state, i couldnt handle that. i felt like i was gonna go insane. so i did the unthinkable.

Two Cans Of Tuna. Two Packets Of Saltine Crackers.

i put some tuna on a cracker. sandwich it with another. eat it. (by the right side of my mouth so i didnt undo the stitches)

and believe me when i tell you i CRIED SO HARD IN JOY

also i put schweppes and still frozen popsicles in a cup and smash the popsicle down to a pulp to make a shitty homemade slushie so i could have something sweet

tldr: removing my wisdom tooth at 16 made me realise how fucking good solid foods are and also that chairs have spider legs i guess

[oloreandil]

*inhales* EEEEEEE

NOT sorry that the post is long, target audience so happy and excited !!! i absolutely love them 🥺🥺🥺 (also what a mood to have a multiverse of your stories... my best friend and i have The Bay and accidentally made like 4 of our stories in there before we realised and made it a cohesive universe. "before" and "after" the Catastrophe / the Exile is also a landmark in our conversations haha)

as i scrolled up to spellcheck i realised this got Long bc i DID have so so so much to say, it's under readmore now lol

cannot wait for the post on Junipero, the playlist is lovely (La petite fille de la mer is wonderful !! so calm. i love Glass Animals !! and Ship in a bottle is a new favourite omg) and if he's your favourite i will love him so so much <33

something in Opal's post did remind me of what you said on Bell and Milo !! we don't have many details on Agnis yet, or Nightingale (pspspsps more v ocposting ?? more details ?? 🥺) but i did get the impression that Some creaturing was going on, with uh. the teeth XD you had not yet said vampire i believe ! and the Bay is also high fantasy / steampunk ???? you would get on so well with my best friend actually, i will have show her your drawings since she's not on social media

maps are Such a pain hahaha i have a playlist saved on how to make fantasy maps and eventually.... i'll work on it for my projects......... i love the idea of the ecosystems, are they also based on specific eras / aesthetics ? what do their interactions look like ? i remember this post about later samurai being concurrent to cowboys and i haven't stopped thinking about it since. uchronia is such an interesting genre but "not actually alternate history" has a particular !!! flavour

wrt the magic, "most of it" is organic you say... does this mean some magic can be stolen, or gained through invocations, or scientifically engineered ? Opal clearly has something going on, what are magic users able to do, does it vary depending on the region too ?

I DO INDEED LOVE THE IDEA OF PROWLERS AAAA is it a solitary title or is there any kind of community / solidarity at all ? would a prowler protect another prowler regardless of current affiliations or are the gangs at odds ? you mention rivals and western aesthetics, is there also a sheriff equivalent ?

Corvid: noooo why did he die ?? if you say "protecting Magpie" i will cry. beware. there's a scar on his cheek, how much did he have to fight ? does he entrust his daughter to Sol and Junipero ??

Magpie: i have adopted her. if anything happened to her i would go on a rampage. she's so cute, the pigtails and the pointy boots !!!

Eden: thigh strap to hold notebook ?? Evergreen because you should have hope in spite of the stupidity of the world around you ?? hmmmmm inchresting... what do they write about ?

Polaris: BLORBO ENERGY. 95% sure they are My Type™️ aka the character i will obsess over unduly XD

Quake: he has... Matt energy....... i love him.... looks up at you like >:C and steals your pen and doodles all over the inn table.....

Gaia and Opal: ok their style is so on point (everyone here. they have my dream clothing. please where are the stores / craft tutorials to dress like them PLEASE). who is their friend ?? what did they do, why are they on the run ? Opal seems magical in some capacity, did that play a role in the stage performance ? do they have owl powers (mask detail) like sight enhancement ?

Amelie: has she met Bell :0 it's a huge change to leave the sea for the desert ! she looks so funny and warm i love herrr

Cobalt: "i don't like any of y'all. i am here for the spectacle of your antics. wym i almost got killed to save you when i could have run it's not like that-" smh !!!

Akila: meanwhile she actually has the emotional self-preservation shield on :(( i give her a hug. what is the flower on her necklace ?

Wendy: i am available for bridal carry whenever she wants <333 she looks so safe !!! cane-umbrellas are so effortlessly cool and threatening, too !!

Blair: arrowhead painting is a new form of art !! she's a pioneer. i see her vision. thankfully for her my pockets are full of silly knick-knacks and she could probably have fun with them hehe

i'm happy to report i would like to know more on everything, and have already asked so many questions XD but that is a lot so first. HMMMM. Eden Polaris and Quake bc i am predictable haha. do any of them have powers ? (besides Opal who i have apparently arbitrarily decided has some ekjntr) Quake... earthquake..... yes. i have many questions

and if you wanna share more about the rival gangs i'd be so so happy !!! v ocposting enabling is so strong you feel it radiating across the channel. if you are not resting this is going to change real quick into "tuck you in" energy btw !!! i won't hesitate

thank you for writing so much 🥺 i love them i love them i love them

always here to ask for more ocposting hehehe you said you'd make a post on Sol's boyfriend ? 🥺👉👈

and if you wanna expand more beyond just chara designs, what's the plot of the story ? the word "prowlers" is so evocative, what do they do in the desert ? what are the fantasy elements, is there magic and/or creatures ? who is the rest of the found family ? is it based on any country, or usa-specific since you said cowboys ? (cut for length bc else i'll be here all day asking questions... but i can come back if you're ok with it ^^)

take very good care <333 love to see your art as always !!!!

i’m always ok with your questions!! i love when people pick my brains about my characters,, knowing people are interested is my ultimate comfort fr :) sorry everybody this is going to be a looong post but we have a lot to cover!! i’m gonna split this into sections for readability 

sol’s boyf,,, junipero,, has his own post in the works trust me you’ll be meeting him very soon! he ALSO happens to be one of my all time fav ocs,, in fact i made him his own playlist just like sol! (linking it here as a little preview of his vibes before u see him!)

I’m a character designer & artist first and foremost BUT i love writing and am trying to branch out so full steam ahead!! pedal to floor it’s LORE TIME (did i write this in docs like a draft before posting it, yes i did, only the best quality ramblings for olorea!!)

what's the plot of the story ?

okay so because i’ve had this oc world since i was a kiddo there are several stories within the world in a set timeline,, and it’d take me a million years to go through it all in one post hhhh,,, i have to say though that creating characters and connecting all the proverbial dots is so so fun. atp every character has their own separate & unique story that i hope to draw and/or write in my own time

as a general rule, though for simplicity i measure the ‘main story’ based on bell & nightingale’s arcs since they’re the ‘main protagonists’. so when you hear me say ‘before the story’ what i really mean is ‘before gale or bell meets x character and ropes them into The Shenanigans’ 

i might revamp my toyhouse acc just so you all can have easy access to my characters and their lore!! 

I’m terrible at self categorisation but i’d say that this whole story is a sort of steampunky/high fantasy with some dystopia & political drama thrown in there, it honestly depends on whose story you��re reading haha 

is it based on any country, or usa-specific since you said cowboys ?

it actually isn’t based on any real country! i completely abandoned real world geography for this story for my own sake,, the world is pretty much split into factions with their own ecosystems! the map of the world is a whole different story,,, i’ll have to remake that soon… but yeah!! 

for the desert region i borrowed the lawlessness of the old west and the visual aesthetics of old westerns!! i take several artistic liberties, though, i make it a tad more whimsical

what are the fantasy elements, is there magic and/or creatures ?

in short yes!! this is a fantasy where a lot of characters have magic abilities of some kind! think of most of the magic-users like sorcerers in dnd! arcane abilities that they’re born with,, either that or they’re creatures of some kind/based on animals or cryptids (see agnis the vampire among others). most magic is,, organic? is that the word? it occurs naturally. most of it… 

the word "prowlers" is so evocative, what do they do in the desert ?

‘prowlers’ is the colloquial term for the outlaws and criminals of the desert!! pretty much any socially nonconforming or unlawful person is given that label whether they actually committed a crime or not,, and most wear it like a badge of honour tbh. upperclass folk tend to look down on prowlers unfortunately and they have the reputation of sinister people-not-to-be-messed-with. calling oneself a prowler both protects you and puts a target on your back. 

who is the rest of the found family ?

the family come from all over! a lot of the members of the corviday gang left their home nations to escape traumas back home and found comfort in an unconventional ‘criminal’ community with no expectations set upon them and no prying questions to be asked. comfort in the outskirts of society, if u will. here’s a list of them all in no particular order!

corvid:

the previous leader who passed away before the story (see? hehe, the story). sol takes on the role of de facto leader afer he’s gone. 

magpie:

corvid’s daughter, a young bard who finds inspiration in the world around her no matter how bleak

eden & polaris:

eden, a jack-of-all-trades author who writes under the pseudonym ‘evergreen’. he is so done with everybody else’s nonsense, and his sibling polaris! a mute ex guard who has a frosty and intense personality. 

quake:

eden & polaris’ kid brother, a young and scrappy aspiring inventor with unmatched wit and problem-solving skills

gaia & opal: 

gaia & her girlfriend opal are ex stage performers who fled stardom to support a friend of theirs who went on the run

aimi:

amelie, aimi for short, is a young ex pirate who deserted her crew for a life in the desert 

cobalt:

a career criminal from a family of miners, he claims to only stick with the gang for a laugh. 

akila: 

an ex training instructor from the capitol city’s military, akila uses her strategist mind to help keep the gang afloat. she keeps her distance, having dealt with loss before and not being eager to repeat the experience. 

wendy:

a motherly former innkeeper, wendy has an admirable knack for business and ability to sway people’s opinions. she could probably carry you bridal style effortlessly. yes, you.

blair:

a free spirited traveling painter with a surprising affinity for weapons. practically a professional pickpocket. 

i kept everybody’s descriptions short n sweet for this post because of the length but if anyone wants to know more about any of these guys please ask me abt it!! i’m happy to expand on any of em. there are other characters who orbit the gang, rival groups and of course some of them still have surviving family members… i’m expanding alllll of my lore :’)))

this post took a minute but i hope it was worth it!! I love these crazys sm i will draw them soon

here's some higher quality versions of the art for anybody who wants to get a good look at them all!!

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[horce-divorce]

The other day my crows were annoying me SO much I actually packed it up and went inside.

I was sitting w the cats on the patio (they get supervised outside time in their tent or on a harness only) and usually we sit out there for a few hours while I do whatever. The crows are usually not around this time of day, they forage elsewhere (I feed & observe them too, hence "my" crows, for anyone who's new).

No. Not today. These corvids were HOME and they were NOT having it. Whatever "it" was. It was... Hard to tell at first.

Crows are uh, discordant by nature, but there's actually a lot of rhyme & reason to it. When you watch them every day you kinda learn their quirks and signals, even their voices and speech patterns. but this day was different. something VERY OUTRAGEOUS was going down and they just would NOT shut the FUCK up about it. none of them. 2 juveniles came screaming into the yard, an adult came and also started screaming, then left with one of the juveniles.

The other stayed in our yard and squaked- I shit you not- for FORTY. GODDAMN. MINUTES. WITHOUT. PAUSE.

At first I was like "what in the FUCK is his problem?! Does he just hate US? How does he not pass out?" and considering that, as soon as I went inside w the cats, he abandoned his post... Yeah, it kinda seemed like maybe they just wanted the yard! Like fine. Sure. We are the problem, I agree. You're a wild animal, you live here, too. I get it! I'll go. Nbd!!! Jesus!!!

I was so fucking wrong. That was not their problem.

So they keep this up for the rest of the day. He left our yard, but no joke, at all points you can hear a crow losing it's whole mind somewhere in the neighborhood, long after we went inside. This started around midday and continued until we were outside eating dinner at around 5/6pm.

That was when EVERY. SINGLE. CROW. IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. APPEARED. AND STARTED SCREAMING IN UNISON.

We actually were like "......😳" like what do you even do when there's literally 50-100 crows just fucking screaming. This is highly unusual. Do you just... go inside?? Is that a portent of some kind? Like... We couldn't even have a conversation. (Also crows are bigger than you probably think. Have you ever seen one up close? No? It's a big ass bird, js. Having that many around suddenly is... Weird.)

But we were VERY curious what their fucking problem was.

So we watched.

And within about 10 minutes of The Screamening, we saw a huge faction of crows split off and take off screaming at top speed,

CHASING A WHOLE HAWK OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!!!!!!

Once it was gone they immediately calmed down and went back to their normal, quieter behaviors (even doing the crooning and little croaks/trills that they only do when they feel safe & comfortable). They were VERY pleased w their work and I

CRY!!!!!!!!!

I cry.

I thought the crow was trying to pick on my cats and HE WAS TELLING ME TO TAKE THEM INSIDE BECAUSE MY DUMB ASS DIDNT SEE THE FUCKING HAWK.

Im an IDIOT FUCKING HUMAN so it took me for ever to put together that they were just trying to protect their yard and we happened to be in the safety zone. I feed them and give them water and they know me, so they gave me a warning shout!!!!!! And he was SO DEDICATED like he really did not give up until he saw us go inside. Babie :'( I was making fun of him bc I was frustrated too, I am such an ass hole wtf

Where would we even be as a species without our animal friends and neighbors!!!! 😭😭 8 steps back in the evolutionary process undoubtedly!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!! Thank you for my life you funky little goth dinosaurs. What the fuck.

One man vs a redtailed hawk = holy shit have u seen those things. they're in a size class w bald eagles. godspeed adjusting to ur new prosthetic eyes

100 angry crows vs a hawk = haha oh shit you better fly faster 🤪 you fucked up!!!

Anyway. Wow. I'm gonna leave those crows some bacon today. It's a bit belated bc it took me 3 days to realize how the whole ordeal was connected but man they do such important work in this community. they might leave guts in the birdbath but they are some of the best neighbors I've ever had <3

[substanceparty]

This is particularly hilarious considering I couldn't sleep last night and decided that adding a bunch of raven-themed posts to my queue was the best solution.

Raven worries sometimes. 

To read more comics like this, click here!

[samshogwarts]

My review of 2020

Or: I say thank you.

First of all, sorry for the long post 😅. You guys know I don'tike long posts without a "read more under the line". But I nade the post with my mobile phone.... Aaaaaaaanyway. Also sorry for all the tags. I hope I don't annoyed someone with it <~<. So let's continue:

I think this year has been a particularly difficult year for everyone. As 2020 is drawing to a close, I mentally let the year pass again.

The bottom line is that I have to say that 2020 was turbulent for me, but not necessarily bad. Much good, but also bad, has happened. And I want to start with the bad things right away.

At the beginning of the year, my depression and eating disorder relapsed. I've always had trouble talking about it because I know my friends can't handle this issue. I felt pressured because they wanted to do things with me, but I couldn't. So I withdrew completely, hiding my emotions and wearing a mask.

At that time I created this blog. At first I didn't want to create my own content, just follow the content of @ladycibia, @hogwartsmystory and @kyril-hphm. Incidentally, that is also the reason why I call these 3 blogs the Big Three. So it's their fault that I'm here. Lol.

And then the first Hyops message came at the end of March. A very good friend of mine got Corvid-19 and lost the battle against the disease a few days later. I still remember how the news pulled the floor from under my feet. It feels like I completely lost faith in everything and I started to realize how dangerous this year could be. 

But life goes on and so I visited a friend and her family in early July. It was the anniversary of her husband's death, who was also a very good friend of mine. He died of cancer last year and I couldn't go to his funeral. So I wanted to stop by on the day he died. I actually thought I could do it. But when you read a friend's name on a tombstone for the first time.. Guys, that's a punch in the stomach like no other and I can't really describe how it feels. I had made up my mind not to cry in front of his wife or children because it was hard enough for them. Didn't work.

And of course this year meant to go one better.

Another friend of mine died of the virus in mid-August, leaving behind a wife and a child. Again, I was unable to attend the funeral. And to be honest, it still bothers me way more I want to admit. In two years I lost three wonderful people who meant a lot to me and I couldn't say goodbye to any of them. When I see the three of them again after my death, you can be sure I'll kick their butts for it.

But August was the worst month for me in many ways. In addition to the death of my buddy, my father's family also volunteered. And that means only one thing - trouble.  And properly. I haven't had contact with this family for over 12 years for good reason. Now one person from this family has passed away. And first of all, I don't really care if anyone of them would die. I don't even know the person who passed away. But I wasn't told either by my grandmother or my father. So my deadline to cancel the inheritance has expired. Of course it was debts. You have to know that the inheritance rights of my country are very complicated. The reason my father or grandmother didn't tell me about it was because they didn't want to bother with the paperwork. They always had the opportunity to contact me via Facebook or my half-sister. But that would mean work for them. And while I was walking from lawyer to lawyer to court to court, I was allowed to hear sayings from my grandmother that I apparently have achieved nothing in my life. Nice to know that some people never change. I'm still struggling with this matter to this day and will probably not be able to fully clarify this until the beginning of 2021.

At the end of October everything seemed to be taking its revenge and I passed out at a friend's house. Nobody knows exactly what happened until today, but my friend took me to the hospital where I had to stay one night. That was Halloween. And I'm such a big fan of hospitals hahahaha hahahaha. After that I was allowed to wear an ECG for 2 weeks and it turned out that my heart values ​​had deteriorated. Why not. Let's just take everything with us this year!

Rounding out the negatives this year was my (as a teenager) best friend's suicide. I have to say that I haven't had any contact with this person for 9 years. However, it is the one who cut herself in her youth and then called me afterwards because she didn't know what to do. It was also the one I tried to get into therapy for 2 years. But her mother was always against it. And it was exactly this mother who was standing in my mother's shop, telling her about her daughter's suicide and that I was probably in the farewell letter. I don't know exactly what it said, but the mother now blames me for her daughter's suicide. And do you know what's craziest about the whole thing? I agreed with her! I really thought it was my fault because I knew how sick my former friend was. Yet I was the one who ended the friendship (for many reasons that had nothing to do with her depression). And I still wonder what would have happened if I had acted differently.

But enough of the negative things! A lot of nice things happened this year too. Among other things, I have found a new job within my group, earn more money and have pleasant working hours. I've renovated my apartment and I've started saving money on a new one. My two nieces are now going to school and I am a proud aunt. My male best friend and his girlfriend (my best harry potter friend) are pregnant and are expecting their first child soon and my mother's health is better.

But one of the best things that happened to me this year is this blog.

I already mentioned that I actually only created this blog to stalk the Big Three. I didn't want my own content at all. But I discovered more and more blogs and these incredibly great MCs that I thought I wanted to do whole too. And so Samantha O'Connell was born.

I received so much great support and encouragement on this platform. I don't think many people even realize how much that means to me. Especially this year.

I have also found great and lovable people here, some of whom I also call my friends. Even if we come from other countries, speak other languages ​​and may never see each other in real life, you are my friends and I am grateful to know you.

@annabelle-tanaka-official : I'll start with you of course! XD on tumblr you are just my best friend. I don't write as much with anyone as I do with you. You are such an incredibly talented person and so warm hearted! Over the year we have invented so many insiders that soon nobody will know what we mean.  Be it the monster hug, or that my cats are your spies or our many RP scenarios, which I really enjoy and which always make me laugh. I thank you for that!! I love you so much and I am so glad that we are friends! *minster hug*

@lunasilvermorny / @lunasilvermore : you are next to you !!! XD the next person I write to almost every day. What started with a little conversation about among us has turned into a friendship. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to streaming with you next year (and this year)!!! You are such a good listener that strengthens me. Your support is so nice of you too! Just the fact that you have subscribed to my YouTube channel xD (because of the language I even have an idea). I'm looking forward to the next year with you! Thank you so much for dealing with my craziness and still likes me! 

@kyril-hphm : muahahahaha. You can't escape me !!! Yes, what should I say? One of my big three even made friends with me. One of my Senpais noticed me! And then it's a lovely fluffy marshmallow! I still think it's funny  that we have such similar circuits and hearts! Nevertheless you are an incredibly honest, loving and talented person. I've never told you before, but sometimes I stare (for 20 minutes +) at your drawings to improve my style (just not working so far). You are an honest person and I am happy every time we talk, or when you react to my content. I would like to say thank you for that too! You are great and you can trust yourself more.

@carewyncromwell : my Chinese fireball, my Disney princess. Yes, for me you exude the aura of a Disney princess and nothing can change my mind. So! You were one of the first friends I made here on tumblr and one of the first to write with me! I still remember how proud and nervous I was back then! Just when I was in the hospital on Halloween and couldn't sleep that night, you kept texting me and distracting me from my fear. That means a lot to me. You are such a creative and lovable person too. Ah, that's just amazing. Your comments or hashtags always make me grin or laugh. Thank you for all your support and help!

@catohphm : my fluffier Ravenclaw brother!!! Of course you can't be missing either. I also write with you almost every day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and your support. I just love the energy between Samantha and Cato. And it's always fun to write RP with you!  Thank you for being such a lovely and kind person!

@mira-shard : MIRAAAAAAA! It's kind of funny how long we've basically walked next to each other without talking to each other. And now I don't want to miss you anymore! You are such a fun and happy person. Writing with you is just fun! I also love your cosplay photos. Someday I'll come to visit you, and then we'll do cosplay shootings together until the camera bleeds! I would also like to thank you for your support and your kindness. 

@sirfluffig : ha. I hope you didn't think you were escaping me! Where should I start with you? Maybe that you were one of the first to give me such lovely feedback on Samantha? Or this super funny stream and that you helped me to stream in English? Or just like that, when we talk about our MCs or pen and paper. It's definitely always fun. I want to thank you for that and I'm looking forward to playing together again soon (get Among us)

@nightrhea-hphm : * run into you in slowmotion * Night! My wonderful supportive Gremlin! I've grown very fond of them over the years. And your support and feedback are just amazing. I also love the friendship between Night and Samantha. I think it's very similar to ours, right? You are also such an incredibly creative and lovable person. You make you feel like it's ok to be who you are. Thank you!

Of course there are many, many more like @rosievixen, @wangxianforever000 , @mollydarling-hphm , @morningstarinwinter , @hogwarts9, @hphm-brooke , @raymondhope-writer , @nikyiscreepy , @immagrosscandy , @mizutoyama , @ariparri-hphm and many many more.

I want to thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. You are the reasons why I am adding more and more details to this blog, why I dared to start with the fan comic and many more. 

It's still so amazing for me to meet so many talented, creative, kind and funny people. 

This year showed me again that life isn't just black or white. Life is Grey. Good things and bad things happen. Sometimes one side more than the other side. But as long we are taking the next step, life wl continues. Just keep in mind, as like you support me, I want to support you. So if you ever wanna talk, no matter what, remember you guys can always contact me. 

I'm really looking forward to next year and already have so many plans. I can not wait any longer. Enjoy the last days of the year, stay safe and most important: they the way you are guys! 

Love you all so much. 

[birdhouse-of-shadows]

Continuing the Toko w/character headcanons, how about ones with him and Tsuyu?

Absolutely! This ship is so cute, and they would be so perfect for each other <3

Platonic Hcs~

They have both silently agreed to never speak about the handcuffs

Tsu loves to cook for others, so she tries learning some apple based recipes

Tsu is Dark Shadow’s favorite person! They get along perfectly :)

Toko and Tsu like to go to on nature walks on Sunday mornings. They usually carpool with Bakugo and Kirishima, who go hiking

Tokoyami tries to be as polite as possible, so it takes him a while to learn to call Asui, Tsu

These two like to listen to older music. Tokoyami has a record player, and Tsu has a cassette player

Tsu is secretly a witch, and she practices with Tokoyami. They make protection bottles and leave them around the dorms. The rest of the class just thinks they’re just pretty decorations.

They tried to use a banishment spell on Mineta once, it didn’t work.

They spend a lot of time with the Dekusquad, just chilling

Istg, Tokoyami tried to cook for the group once and Tsu watched him fuck everything up. She didn’t say a single thing as he used sugar instead of salt, and ground ghost pepper instead of black pepper.

Secret memers

Romantic Hcs~

1-A’s cutest couple✨ Even the teachers ship it dndjdnk-

They’re such a chill couple, some people even go to them for relationship advice

The way the started dating was so funny

They were doing some really difficult training, and they barely ended up completing it. They were on the ground, close to passing out, and Asui just goes “I know you have a crush on me, so if we don’t die let’s go on a date” and proceeds to immediately fall asleep. Tokoyami was just sitting there like ➖👄👁

Aizawa just standing there like ???? Did she really just???? oh tokoyami keeping an eye out for selener passed out too...

They almost never use pet names when they’re around others

Tokoyami calls her honeycrisp because that his favorite kind of apple

Tsu calls him jellybean bc she likes jelly

You would think because they have cute pet names, that they would have cute phone names. “Corvid-19” and “Kermit”

Mina saw Tokoyami call and was like “who is that” and Tsu just goes “my jellybean UwU”

They have such a healthy relationship, and they support each other so much

Tsu teaches Fumi how to be in control of his emotions, while Fumi teaches Tsu how to be more open with her emotions

It’s basically impossible for them to fight. They both want to sit down and discuss an issue before it escalates

If either one of them gets injured during training it’s over and done with. Tokoyami almost threw someone out a window once. Tsu straight up body slammed Monoma, but nobody is ready to talk about that

Tsu got really badly injured once, and they tried to send in Kirishima to make Fumi feel better. Kirishima came out crying, but nobody knows why. (It’s because Toko was crying and they just had a cry fest)

Hawks and Asui get along beautifully ✨ They are the two person “Tokoyami protection squad”. They have contemplated murder together~

[alarawriting]

52 Project #37: A Very April Christmas

Part of this originally appeared as Inktober 2019 #17: Ornament.

--------------------------------------------------------

“Where is my fucking box of Christmas ornaments?”

April was busily tossing everything Catrina owned down the stairs from the attic garret where she lived. “April! What the fuck! That’s my stuff!” Catrina yelled.

“Yeah, your stuff that you couldn’t bother to keep neatly like I told you to, and this is seriously a health code hazard,” April said. “But more importantly, you’re living in the room I put my Christmas ornaments in, last January, and I need to find them.”

“You keep tossing my stuff around like that and I’ll kill you, mraow!”

“It’s my house, bitch, and you don’t pay anywhere near a fair rate for the rent.” April moved on to the back of the attic, where no one lived. “Ugh, this place is a nightmare.”

Catrina came up into the attic. “Well, whose fault is that, meow? All that’s your mess.”

Behind her, Kelly stuck her oversized head up. “I think Marie Kondo needs to come to this house,” she said in a strong Japanese accent. “April-san, I can’t imagine that any of that stuff back there sparks joy.”

“Hey! What are you doing in my room? Sssss!” Catrina postured at Kerry Kitty with her claws out. “No other cats allowed, this is my territory!”

“Oh, then you don’t want me to bring up the things April dropped,” Kelly said. “Okay.” Her large paws opened and dropped the pile of clothing she’d been carrying.

“Wait, no!”

“Oh, so you do want me to help you bring up the clothes,” Kerry said. “Please make up your mind.” In her accent, “clothes” sounded a bit less like garments and a bit more like taco-craving corvids.

“AHA!” April brandished the box of ornaments. “Found you, you little motherfuckers!”

“April-san, your language. Emily might hear you!”

“Emily is probably eating the Christmas tree,” April shot back. “Make way, coming through, lady with large box here!”

Kelly jumped off the attic stairs with as much grace as a 5-foot tall bipedal cat with a giant head could achieve. Catrina dodged and rolled onto her own bed, or what was left of it after April had dragged it around looking for the ornament box. April, six foot two and model-slim with a frankly impossible body, toted the large box over to the attic stairs, balancing it on her shoulders, and then tossed it down, following that with a graceful jump to the floor herself. “Everybody gather round!” she shouted in her most saccharine voice. “It’s time for Christmas decorating!”

“Doktor Zapp isn’t here,” Lovey said in her sad, slow voice. “Don’t you think we should ask him to come upstairs?”

“Pfft, no. That nerd never wants to come upstairs. Besides, what do you care? He’s scared of dogs.”

“I’m not a big dog,” Lovey said, despite the fact that she was almost as tall as April herself. “Anyway, he’s only scared of bad dogs. I’m a good dog.”

“Goo dug,” Emily Egg agreed, thick baby fingers twined in the puppy’s fur. “Wuvvy goo dug.”

“Yes, I’m sure you said something, but no one cares what,” April said. “Sheonte! Cherry! We’re doing Christmas decorations!”

“We don’t celebrate Christmas in Ponyland, and I really don’t appreciate you trying to push your human customs on me,” Cherry yelled back.

“Fuck, no, you’re a children’s cartoon. What do they do for your holiday specials? I know you’ve got something that looks just like Christmas. Get your horse’s ass out here so I don’t need to keep yelling.”

Sullenly Cherry Blossom plodded out of her room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“On Best Pony Friends. You’ve got to have some kind of Christmas-like holiday for the holiday specials.”

“We have the Festival of Friendship… I guess it’s kind of like Christmas. We give our friends gifts, and hang up ornaments, and make snowponies, and sing carols—”

“So what you’re saying is, it’s exactly like Christmas.”

“Minus the overcommercialization and people trampling each other to get the last copy of a cheap mass-manufactured toy, yeah, I guess.”

Kerry volunteered, “I used to be on the air right before Best Pony Friends. Their Christmas is very nice-looking.”

“It’s the Festival of Friendship! Not Christmas!”

“You just keep telling yourself that,” April said. “SHE-ON-TE! We are all waiting on you!”

“A Diva is never rushed,” Sheonte yelled from her bedroom. “Beauty and style like this takes effort.”

“Come on, bitch, they threw you out of the Divazz because you tried to kill Vivi and your ex.”

“They were fucking! In my bedroom! You’d have tried to kill them too.”

“I don’t think the language in this house is a very good example for Emily,” Lovey complained.

“I wouldn’t have tried to kill them too because that would never happen to me because Chad is a real gentleman who would never cheat on me,” April said.

“Yeah, too bad you such a ho you gotta cheat on him.” Sheonte finally made her appearance, strutting into the room like she owned it. Her Afro was lightly sprinkled with pale glitter on the edges to create an effect much like she’d just been walking in light snow, and she was dressed stylishly with 14-inch stiletto heels, a green velvet miniskirt, a white blouse that did not cover her multiply-pierced belly button, and a shimmering silver jacket. And many belts around her body that didn’t seem to actually do anything. And by “stylishly”, April meant “like a cheap whore.”

“Look, it’s not my fault that Chad is such a gentleman that he’s waiting until we get married. Saving yourself for marriage is a beautiful thing in a man, and I really appreciate his sacrifice! But I gotta get my pussy pounded by someone, and Mr. Vibrator can’t always do the job, you know?”

Lovey was covering Emily’s ears with her paws. “April! You can’t say things like that in front of Emily!”

“Oh, like she understands.” April walked up to Emily, smiling. The baby, who would be only slightly shorter than April if she could actually stand up, beamed up at her from her position on the floor. “Who’s such a stupid baby?” April said in the same cheerful tone that one would say “Who’s such a good dog?” to one’s good dog. “Yes, you are! You are a stupid little baby!” Emily laughed and clapped.

“Can we get this over with?” Catrina asked. “April fucked up my entire room and I’m gonna have to spend the rest of the day fixing it, mraow.”

“Yes, we can get it going now, since I’m here,” Sheonte said. “April, where are the ornaments?”

“Right here,” April said, and opened the box with a flourish…

…to an assortment of brightly colored bits of shattered glass.

“Oh, shit,” April said.

“I think maybe you should not have thrown them down the stairs,” Kelly said.

“Bitch, you tear my room apart for this?” Catrina snarled. “These weren’t shit to begin with, meow, and then you went and shattered them to pieces on top of that?”

“Yeah, these ornaments were shit before you broke them,” Sheonte said. “What’d you do, get a truckload of shiny glass balls at Target?”

Emily began to cry. “Owwmens!” she wailed, which probably meant “ornaments” but sounded entirely too much like “omens”.

“We knew how to do a Christmas with the Weargirls,” Catrina said. “We used to go over Batrice’s mansion and decorate with lights and a ton of different ornaments, meow. Gorgeous stuff.”

“Yeah, well, feel free to go live with Batrice. Door’s that way,” April said.

Catrina made a face. “They’re vampires. They don’t have any windows, sss.”

“This is very sad,” Lovey said, her permanent sad-hound-dog face emphasizing the sadness. “I’m very sad.”

“Owwmens!”

“AwOOOO!”

“Oh, for the love of Christ shut it, both of you. I know what to do.” April closed the box of ornaments. “To the Glitter Van! We’re gonna go to the Christmas store and buy ornaments!”

“Kissmas tor?” Emily asked, cheering up right away.

“Oh! I love Christmas store! Let me get Christmas kimono on before we go!” Kerry said, and ran off before April could stop her.

“I’m not dressed for going out,” Catrina complained. “I need to try to find something I can wear, meow, since you trashed my room!”

“Yeah, this is not a Christmas store look,” Sheonte said. “I’m gonna change into something better for going out.”

“This is California, it’s not like it’s cold,” April said.

“I didn’t say better clothes for cold weather, I said better clothes for going out. This shit’s okay for just hanging with you bitches, but if I’m gonna get Seen, I need to look my best.” She strutted back to her room.

“I don’t wear clothes,” Cherry Blossom said.

“Yeah, good for you.”

“But your mane looks like a stinking pile of dog doo. You need to go get brushed and get dressed yourself before you go out looking like that.”

“I didn’t ask your opinion, you nag.”

“That is a misogynist and ageist slur among my people and I’m going to post about your insensitivity on social media if you don’t apologize right now.”

“Apologize to this,” April said, giving Cherry the middle finger.

She sat down on her couch, defeated, as Cherry trotted away. “This is totally fucked up.”

“Don’t worry,” Lovey said, snuggling against April, trying to cheer her up by being a dog. “I’m sure you’ll be able to fix everything as soon as everyone gets ready and we can go to the ornament store.”

Lovey had been in this house long enough to know that “everyone gets ready” could take upward of 3 hours, and besides, April didn’t like dogs. She pushed Lovey away. “Easy for you to say.”

The door to the basement opened, and Doktor Zapp, dressed in his characteristic lab coat, goggles, and blue shirt that he apparently never took off, stuck his tiny head out. “What’d I miss?”

***

If it had been April’s decision, Lovey and Emily – especially Emily – would not be coming with them, but Emily was the one most enthusiastic about going to “Kissmas tor”, so obviously she couldn’t be prevented from coming along, even though she was a baby nearly April’s size, bigger than Cherry Blossom and Doktor Zapp. Ugh. As long as Kelly or Lovey watched her and April didn’t have to do it. She had her hands full with her sisters. They didn’t live with her, but they leaned on her hard enough it was practically like she was being their mom.

Cherry Blossom had a bag of apples she was snacking on. Loudly. She was sitting in the back of the Glitter Van, because she couldn’t sit in a seat for humanoids, so she, Lovey, and Emily were all in the back – Emily could in theory sit in a seat, but a baby seat large enough for her couldn’t. It was amazing how loud the sound of a pony chewing an apple could get all the way to the driver’s seat.

April honked her horn. “Jesus! Get a move on, people!”

From her vantage point in the front of the Glitter Van, she could see an endless line of tiny cars in front of her. Very tiny cars, about a fifth the size of her van. Traffic was always like this. Sometimes there was one of the buses or cars the BittyFolx drove around in, and sometimes some superhero’s tricked-out car, but generally speaking it was always the little cars causing the traffic jams.

Sheonte, in the front seat next to April, commiserated. “Fuckin’ wonderful, right? No matter what time of day you try going anywhere, there’s all these tiny-ass cars on the road.”

“I should just run them the fuck over,” April said.

“Yeah!” Catrina cheered from the seat directly behind April.

“No!” Kerry, from the seat next to Catrina, and Lovey, in the back, yelled. Well, in Lovey’s case, howled.

“That’s a great idea if you want the cops up your ass,” Sheonte said sarcastically. “Now I know white girls with money get away with a ton of shit, but even your lily white tushie ain’t gonna be able to walk away from running down a dozen little Wheels o’Fire cars.”

“Fuck this,” Cherry announced from the back. “I’m getting out and I’m walking.”

“That’s nice for you, you’re a fucking horse,” April snapped. “Maybe you can kick some of those goddamn Wheels o’Fire cars out of the way so we can get somewhere on this highway?”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Doktor Zapp, sitting on the back row seat, shouted, with the German accent that came and went in his voice stronger than usual. “I have an invention that can make the car fly, will that do?”

“Well, why the fuck didn’t you say something earlier?”

***

The Christmas store was a roughly semi-hexagonal structure, if the bee creating the hexagon was drunk. Two different storefronts came together as one of the corners – a Playstuf grocery store, from the same line as Doktor Zapp, and a Pam in the Pocket clothing storefront. These were barely taller than April herself. The third side that made up half the hexagon was a large cardboard storefront, taller and deeper than the other two, with a smiley face on the visible outside of it.

The second half of the hexagon, such as it was, consisted of what had once been neatly laid out aisles of baskets containing Christmas decorations, except that the aisles had ended up scattered around by the actions of customers and employees, and probably the will of God. It was now less of a hexagon and more of a shapeless blob.

On the right of the Christmas store, outside the blob of the store’s merchandise layout, there was a Christmas tree. It, like the Playstuf and Pam in the Pocket storefronts, was only a bit taller than April herself. And underneath that Christmas tree, there were shiny boxes wrapped in reflective wrapping paper. These were very large for presents, about half as tall as Doktor Zapp.

A nutcracker soldier stood in front of the store, his jaw moving somewhat unnaturally. “Welcome to the Christmas Store! Welcome one, welcome all!”

Emily, crawling out of the van, saw the fake presents and immediately beelined for them, crawling eagerly. “Pwezens!”

“Oh, shit,” April said, as Emily, who was significantly larger than most of the people here, knocked over several of the baskets of merchandise, and at least one Puppy Pal carrying merchandise in her mouth, who barked at Emily in irritation. “Emily, what the shit? Get back here!”

“Pwezens!”

April sighed deeply, and then began walking away from the scene, toward the middle of the store, pretending she didn’t actually know Emily. Sheonte, Kelly, Catrina and Doktor Zapp were heading toward the ornaments, and Cherry Blossom had stopped to chat up a horse who was standing by the side of the store, waiting for its rider.

Emily grabbed the first of the presents and tore the wrapping paper up. “Emily, you shouldn’t do that!” Lovey said, ineffectually, and then started howling. “APRIL OR SOMEBODY, AWOOO! LOOK AT EMILY, ROOO!”

“Jesus Christ,” April muttered, “I can’t take that kid anywhere.” She stomped over to Emily, whose lip was wobbling in disappointment that the first box she’d ripped open was empty. “Emily Egg, get your baby ass out of those fake presents right now!”

Emily began to wail, sitting in her pile of wrapping paper and torn-up empty box. Lovey, never one to fail to loudly sympathize with a suffering child, started howling in solidarity. “AROOO!”

“For God’s sake,” April said. Now everyone was staring at her. “Emily, get back in the car!”

“No!” Emily yelled. “Want pwezens!”

“These aren’t presents, you idiot, they’re decorations!”

“Ma’am, you need to control your child,” the nutcracker said.

“Ugh. She’s not mine, I’m just her landlady – EMILY STOP EATING THAT!” April had to snatch silver wrapping paper out of Emily’s mouth. “Emily, if you’re not good, they’ll kick us out of the Christmas store! Do you wanna get kicked out of the Christmas store? And you won’t get any ornaments? And Santa will give you coal for Christmas?”

“BWAAAAH!” Emily wailed. “No! No! Want pwezens an owwmens!”

“Well, then you better be good! Those aren’t yours!”

“No pwezens?”

“No presents here. This isn’t even our house! How would Santa know to bring you presents here?”

“Come on, Emily,” Lovey encouraged. “Let’s go look at ornaments!”

“Owwmens!” Emily agreed, no longer crying, and crawled off with Lovey.

“This place really needs wider aisles,” April muttered.

Someone was sarcastically applauding behind her. April turned. “Jayda?”

“If it isn’t April,” Jayda said. “Winning Mother of the Year awards. I never thought I’d see you tied down with a kid.”

“She’s not my kid,” April said through gritted teeth.

Jayda looked very much like April herself, except she was black, with full, thick hair that had first been relaxed and then curled like the hair of a white movie star from the 50’s or something. “Really? There’s such a strong resemblance,” Jayda said dryly.

Sheonte came up behind April. “Jayda! Girlfriend! Ain’t seen you in for-ever! Whatchu been up to?”

“Oh, the usual,” Jayda said. “Photo shoots, modeling gigs… I just did a couple of commercials, and my agent is talking with a movie producer about getting me some acting work.” She smiled, smugly. April assumed the movie producer in question was the one that fired April for demanding top billing over her male co-star, who was in fact not nearly as famous as she was. She forced a smile onto her own face.

“Oh, that’s great!” she said in an incredibly fake voice. “I always knew you’d manage to snag a job that takes talent, somehow, eventually!”

“Anyway, April, since when have you been adopting kids? And how’d you keep the paparazzi from finding out?”

“You serious, girl? You think April would adopt a kid?” Sheonte laughed, loudly. “That ain’t April’s kid. That’s Emily Egg. You don’t recognize her?”

“I’m not really following the world of baby dolls,” Jayda said. “You know, I’m a young adult, and I spend my time dealing with young adults. We don’t really have time for babies.”

“She’s my tenant,” April snapped. “Not my best friend, and not my kid. Apparently she’s a big thing on the baby doll scene, but like I give a shit? I just care that the rent checks come in.”

“Oh, right!” Jayda snapped her fingers. “I remember now! You couldn’t get work, so you had to get roommates so you wouldn’t lose your house!” She made a very fake looking expression of concern. “Are you doing any better on the job market?”

“I’m writing a book,” April said, still unable to un-grit her teeth. “It’s a tell-all memoir about all the talentless bitches I’ve had to work with in my career. You ought to pick it up when it comes out! It’s got a whole chapter about you.”

Jayda rolled her eyes. “You’re so immature,” she said. “Better get back to your baby before she wrecks something else.”

Emily was knocking over baskets of ornaments. Lovey was moaning for her to stop and be good, but since she was a large dog without opposable thumbs, there wasn’t much she could do to stop the baby or clean anything up. “Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, thanks for the heads up, but she’s not my kid.” She stomped off to try to deal with Emily.

“So how’s it goin’, girlfriend?” Sheonte asked Jayda.

“We’re not friends,” Jayda said. “We may have done a few shoots together, but I don’t even know you.”

Sheonte rolled her eyes. “It’s a figure of speech, girl. You gonna give me a lecture about family trees if I call you a sister?”

“Wasn’t it your sister you tried to kill?”

“No, bitch, it was my best friend Vivi, because she was fucking my husband. My sister is in high school, and she’s crushing it. Gonna be valedictorian at this rate. What’s your problem with me?”

“Seriously?” Jayda asked in disbelief. “Don’t you remember when April and Friends was competing with the Divazz, and you were a total jerk about it?”

“That was years ago.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not gonna be friends with you just because you’re part of April’s entourage now.”

“I am renting a room in her mansion. I ain’t gonna be best pals with her either. But you don’t wanna be friendly, that’s fine. That’s fine. No one needs a stuck-up snotty bitch like you for a friend, anyway.”

“Ugh.” Jayda looked at the ceiling, and then walked off. Sheonte shook her head.

“That bitch is the whitest black girl I ever met,” she opined, and went back to where Catrina was picking out ornaments.

***

Outside, Cherry Blossom was trying to talk to the horse. “So, you come here often?”

The horse nickered.

Cherry Blossom spoke words, not nickers, and had no idea what the horse had just said, but the apples she’d been eating ever since they got in the car were fermented, so she didn’t care. As much as she hated being stuck in this world where almost everyone was human and she was a universe away from her friends, there were compensations… like the fact that humans never questioned whether her apples were exactly fresh or not. Apparently humans only imbibed alcohol in liquid form, explaining why their word for intoxication was “drunk.”

“You know, if you wanted to go off on the side with me and, you know, put on a pony show?” She wiggled her rump and lifted her tail, batting her eyelashes. “That’d be nice.”

The horse nickered.

Cherry Blossom rubbed her face up against the horse’s side, trying to reach the horse’s face with her face. The horse turned its head so she couldn’t reach. “Oh, don’t be like that,” she said.

***

In the Christmas store, Kerry was chatting up Pippi Pig, a Swedish animal star almost as well known in the US as Kelly herself. “I didn’t know you were in the US!”

“I’m doing a holiday special,” Pippi said. “Pippi Pig’s Christmas! It’s my first big Christmas special!”

Kelly, who had done dozens of holiday specials, for Christmas, Obon, New Year’s, Doll’s Festival, Halloween, and many others, in America and in Japan, clapped her paws together. “That sounds so great!” she said.  “You must be so excited!”

“Oh, yes, I’m very excited!” Pippi agreed. “Kelly, can I ask you something?”

“Of course!”

“I don’t mean to be offensive, but… is your name actually Kelly or Kerry?”

“Yes,” Kerry said.

“No… I mean, which one is it?”

“It’s Kelly or Kerry,” Kelly said, exaggerating the l and the r sounds so she could make it clear they were different. Normally, when she said one of those letters, they weren’t.

“But which one do you prefer?”

Kerry laughed. “Kerry was first,” she said. “Then I came to America and they called me Kelly. Then back in Japan they wanted to be like Americans so they called me Kelly. It sounds the same but when they printed it on the merchandise, it was Kelly. And then they changed their minds and decided I should be Kerry again. So either one is okay.”

“Wow,” Pippi said. “I guess I should be glad that Americans and Swedes can both pronounce Pippi more or less the same way, right?”

“Oh, I like it,” Kelly said. “I like to feel like I can be a whole new kitty every time I cross a border. Or anytime I want to, really.” There was a loud sound of breaking glass behind them, a wail from a large baby, and a howl from a dog. “Oh dear. Excuse me, I might have to do something.”

***

“That one, meow! I want that!”

Catrina had filled her basket with glittering things that moved. So far she had a pinwheel, a top (this wasn’t much good as a Christmas ornament, because it was half as tall as Doktor Zapp), a disco ball, a Santa Claus with a glittering beard that said “Ho ho ho” when you squeezed him, several strands of tinsel, a singing bird made of mirrors, and a butterfly covered with sequins. Also, a lot of Nativity-related stuff. The thing she was pointing at now was a bird made of sequins, hanging from a tree.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do about it,” Doktor Zapp complained.

“I want you to get it for me, meow.”

“I’m shorter than you! How am I supposed—”

“Yo, Catrina,” Sheonte said. “What is with all the cheap-ass shit in your cart?”

“Cheap-ass shit?” Catrina said indignantly. “These are gorgeous, mrow!”

“They’re tacky as all fuck. What’s with all this Baby Jesus shit? Basic as f, girl.”

“Yeah, well, what kind of ornaments were you gonna get?” Catrina snarled.

“Nice stuff. Like this.” She picked up a frosted glass ball. “Understated. Not in your face being all shiny. Maybe one of these.” This one was a very delicate white snowflake made of something fragile and light. “Not all shit that makes you look like some kind of magpie.”

“I’m a cat! I like shiny things that move!” Catrina snapped. “And calling my taste tacky is rich, coming from you!” She waved at Sheonte, encompassing her outfit, which consisted of a white fur coat, tall leather boots in gold, and a black miniskirt. Under the white coat, which was half open, she was wearing a black velvet tube top over a golden silk top. She also had half a dozen bracelets on one arm.

“Hey, bitch, my taste in fashion is cutting edge. You look like you’re wearing one of April’s rejects.” Catrina was wearing skinny-jean shorts, a chunky belt, and a light blue blouse with short sleeves. Her feet were bare.

“Hsss! You take that back, mrow!” Catrina backed up and flashed her claws at Sheonte. “I have my own fashion sense, not a ripoff of April’s!”

“Couldn’t tell by me,” Sheonte said lazily.

Doktor Zapp took the opportunity where neither of the girls were looking at him to head out of the main shopping area, trying to make his way over to Cherry Blossom, and accidentally bumped into an old man from the Galactic Rebellion franchise. “Watch it!” the old guy said, reaching reflexively to his side, where he did not, at the moment, have a gun.

Neither did Doktor Zapp – he’d left his ray guns in the lab. “Sorry!”

“You better be sorry,” the old guy said crabbily. “You see these joints of mine? I got carbonite all up in them. Got stuck in carbonite once and I’ve never been able to get it all out. I’ve been practically crippled ever since.” The substance in question appeared to be brown clay, and it was in fact in all of his joints.

Doktor Zapp commiserated, showing off his cyborg leg. “A dog got my leg here. I know how it is.”

“I got a friend who got his hand chopped off, got a cyborg replacement,” the old guy said. “Wasn’t any different from a real hand.”

“Yes, well. Mine is very obviously a cyborg leg.”

“Just don’t get carbonite in that cyborg leg. It’ll fuck you up for life.”

“I’ll watch out for that,” Doktor Zapp said, making his exit. As he headed toward Cherry Blossom, he muttered to himself, “If I got something in the cyborg leg, I would just build a new cyborg leg. Idiot.”

***

Emily was wailing. She had managed to knock over and shatter an entire basket of cheap glass balls. An employee of the store, who looked like Mrs. Claus, was chastising her and Lovey, who was whimpering.

“Listen, Mrs. I set feminism back a hundred years every time a little girl looks at me,  you can shut up now. It was obviously an accident.”

“Obviously! But whose idea was it to bring a giant baby and a large dog to the Christmas store?”

“I’m a good dog,” Lovey whined.

“Look. The baby is my tenant. She pays her rent money, she says she wants to go to the Christmas store, she gets to pile into my Glitter Van and come here. And the dog is also my tenant, and was watching the baby, and I don’t appreciate your tone toward either of them.”

“Well, then maybe you’d have a better appreciation for this,” Mrs. Claus said snarkily, and handed April an invoice for all the ornaments Emily broke.

April turned to Emily. “Emily! Emily, the nice lady wants you to pay for the ornaments you broke. Can you pay for the ornaments you broke like a good girl?”

Emily nodded eagerly. “I pay for owwmens!”

“Great. I’ll pay the bill here and pass it on to your accountants, with a ten percent fee tacked on for having to deal with this bullshit, how’s that?”

Lovey gasped. “April! Don’t say that in front of Emily!”

“Whatever,” April said, rolling her eyes. “Emily, do we have a deal?”

Emily nodded again. “Uh huh, uh huh! I pay owwmens!”

“Great.” April handed Mrs. Claus her credit card and the invoice. “Run my card and shut the fuck up.”

Mrs. Claus’ eyes narrowed. “How does a baby have this much money?”

“She’s Emily Egg. She’s a star. Not my problem if you never heard of her.”

“But where is her mother?”

“Her mother is God. Now run along like a good little serf and take my money.”

Kerry reached the group. “Oh, April-san! That was very nice of you, to pay for Emily’s broken ornaments.”

“What’re you talking about? I’m sending the bill to her accountants. The kid is loaded.”

“Maybe I should get her out of the Christmas store,” Kelly said. “So there aren’t any more accidents.”

“No! Want Kissmas tor!” Emily yelled.

“More than you want ice cream store?” Kerry said enticingly, with a purr.

“Eye skeem store?”

“Yes, the ice cream store! Would you like to go there?”

“Uh huh!” Emily said. “Eye skeem!”

Lovey looked sad. Lovey usually looked sad, but now she looked especially sad. “They won’t let me in the ice cream store because I’m a dog,” she said, head hung low. “So I guess I’ll just have to stay here.”

“That is, how you say more politely than April-san says it, baloney? I’m a cat and they let me in. What if I tell them, they have to let my friend Lovey-chan in?”

“But they won’t,” Lovey said sadly.

“But they might. I am star too. Not so big as April-san but maybe big enough. Why don’t you come with us and I’ll wave money at them? It works when April-san tries it.”

“Maybe April shouldn’t be your role model, Kerry?” Lovey said uncertainly.

“Why not? I’m an awesome role model. Little girls all over America look up to me and wanna be me,” April said. “You guys go, get out of here. Kelly, good plan, you do that. Channel me.”

“I’ll be politer than you,” Kelly said. “But don’t worry, it’s not hard.”

As the dog, the cat with the giant head, and the huge baby made their way down the street to the ice cream store, which was also a Playstuf storefront, April turned around, sighing with relief that the giant baby wasn’t her problem anymore. It was in that moment that she ran straight into her sister.

Both of them fell on their butts, a perpetual hazard of walking everywhere in high heels. “April?” her sister said, sounding shocked.

“Madison?” April asked, equally shocked.

April had three sisters – Betty, Courtney and Madison—who were all perpetually teenagers. While they all looked to be approximately the same age, Madison was the youngest. They didn’t live with April, but they came around to visit and hit her up for money so often she felt they might as well.

“What’re you doing here?” Madison asked. “I thought you hated Christmas.”

“No, I just said that after the last Christmas special we did.” April had done considerable quantities of coke to get through that miserable shoot, and had been actively tweaking by the time the shoot was done. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to buy a Christmas tree!” Madison chirped. “Have you met my new boyfriend yet?”

Madison’s new boyfriend turned out to be from the Galactic Rebellion franchise. He was dressed in a suit of futuristic armor. There was nothing organic visible on him whatsoever. “This is your boyfriend?” April said skeptically, looking down at him – he was only slightly taller than Doktor Zapp, and shorter than Emily would be if Emily could stand up.

“Yes!” Madison said. “Honey, did you find the Christmas tree section?”

“Yes,” the man in the armor said.

“Find anything good?”

“They looked dead. I told the salesperson, they’re no use to me dead.”

“Technically they are dead though…”

“Why don’t you get an artificial tree?” April asked.

“Ugh,” Madison said. “That is so unnatural!”

“Uh, yes. Yes, that is the point of having an artificial tree.”

“An artificial tree would be better,” Madison’s boyfriend said.

“They’ve got them in the back, in that area they’re refrigerating so it ‘feels’ like Christmas. Which is a terrible idea, by the way,” Madison said. “They’ve got fake snow all over the place, but it doesn’t melt, so it’s not fooling anybody, and no one’s dressed for cold weather…”

Madison’s boyfriend shrugged. “I can get the tree warm, or I can get the tree cold. Either way.”

“So can we come over for Christmas?” Madison asked.

“I’ll think about it,” April said, meaning no. “Look, Madison, I came here to buy ornaments and you’re in my way.”

“I want to come see you for Christmas,” Madison said. “Come on, April, we’re sisters. Stop being such a bitch.”

“All right, dammit, stop being such a pest! I have things to do!” April pushed past Madison, scowling.

“I love you too, big sis!” Madison yelled.

***

“Mrrow! Where are all the damn flowers?”

“What you need flowers so bad for, girl?” Sheonte asked. “We got plenty of ornaments.” They had both filled their carts at this point – Sheonte with gold ribbons, soft silk balls in white and gold, tiny beautiful angels in colors like silver, white, and gold, and fragile glass things; Catrina with nativity figures, brightly colored balls, shiny things, shiny things that move, and things that move that weren’t very shiny. Both of them had agreed that Santas and candy canes and ornament-sized stockings were tacky.

Catrina glared at Sheonte. “Back home in Mexico, we had poinsettias and lilies for Christmas. Where are the poinsettias, meow? What kind of a Christmas store is this?”

“You’re from Mexico?”

“What, you didn’t know?” Catrina looked at Sheonte like it was the most unbelievable thing possible that Sheonte didn’t know her ethnicity.

“Near as I could tell, you’re a cat.”

“Yeah, but I’m a Mexican cat, meow. All the Weargirls came from different places. Batrice was from England. Lulu’s American but she’s Cajun, from Louisiana.”

“I never hear you say anything in Spanish.”

“Eso es porque soy completamente bilingüe, puta.” At Sheonte’s look, Catrina snapped, “I’m bilingual. Been speaking English since I was a little kid. I don’t need to throw Spanish words into everything I say to remind people I’m Mexican like that puta gata, who’s gotta be all like April-san and san this and san that to remind everyone she’s Japanese.” Mrs. Claus walked past them right then. “Hey, you! Mrs. Claus! Where are all the poinsettias in this place?”

“We sold out of those last weekend.”

Catrina rolled her eyes. “Figures.”

“Guess you shouldn’t have waited for April to throw together a fake friendship trip to the Christmas store. Don’t you have wheels of your own?”

“I have a fucking motorcycle. All the Weargirls have motorcycles.”

“Yeah, well, if the Weargirls are so great why aren’t you living with them?”

“It’s not because I tried to kill any of them, I can tell you that.”

“Excuse me? Miss Sheonte?”

The newcomer was very, very short – shorter than Doktor Zapp, shorter even than April’s or Catrina’s arm. She was a Forrest-Pierce BittyFolx from the old school, but unusual looking—barely any hair, just a few red curls on the top of her head, and while most BittyFolx girls wore dresses that curved out from their bodies, her dress was completely straight.

Sheonte was plainly surprised. “Yes, that’s me. Who are you?”

“I’m your biggest fan!” the extremely tiny girl said, bouncing. “My name’s Biz. You are, like, my icon.”

“Why, thank you.”

“I love your sense of style!” Biz gushed. “I always wished I could dress like you, but…” She gestured at her perfectly straight cylindrical body. “I’m stuck with this stupid red dress. I haven’t even got anywhere I can put accessories.” Since BittyFolx had no arms or legs, and seemed to do all their moving via close-range telekinesis or something, this was absolutely true.

“Oh, girlfriend, anyone can have style.” Sheonte turned slightly to grab a piece of tinsel garland out of a nearby bin of wares. She placed it around Biz’s neck, where it looked like a boa. “There you go. You might need to tie it to make it stay on, but see? You can accessorize too! You just have to be flexible.”

“Oh, wow!” Biz lifted her boa without hands, since she didn’t have any, and gazed at it in wonder. “This is beautiful! You’re amazing, Miss Sheonte!”

“Of course I am,” Sheonte said, grinning. “But you’re amazing too. And now you can show the world.”

Catrina muttered to herself, “Back in my show, we didn’t have to teach kids to self-actualize through fashion, mrow. We just fought evil zombies.”

***

Cherry Blossom was attempting to drape herself over the horse, having consumed almost the entire bag of fermented apples. “Come oooonnn,” she slurred. “I’m loooonely. Can’t we goooo somewhere?”

“Cherry Blossom!” Doktor Zapp panted as he reached her. “You’re drunk? How are you drunk?”

Cherry Blossom smiled a huge horsey grin at him. “Apples!” she said drunkenly. “You humans never check the apples!” She then turned to the horse she was hitting on. “I got some for yoooouuu… you want one?” Using her hoof, which for some mysterious reason was able to lift apples as if it had opposable thumbs, she pulled an apple out of her bag and offered it to the horse, who nickered and tried to move away, except that Cherry Blossom was not letting that happen.

“Oh mein gott. I can’t believe this. We’re in public! Show some decorum!”

“I had me some decorum,” Cherry said. “I had frieeends. We had decorum. We saved the goddamn world, we had so much decorum! And have they come to get me? Noooo. So what good is fucking decorum?” She planted a sloppy kiss on the side of the horse’s head. “Come ooooon. I’m horny! I haven’t been with another pony since I got here!”

“The horse obviously is not interested in you,” Doktor Zapp said. “He keeps trying to get away.” The horse was tied to a post by the Christmas store. Doktor Zapp tried to grab Cherry Blossom’s mane and pull her away. “Let’s go home. You’re drunk.”

“No!” Cherry Blossom bucked, her hooves narrowly missing Doktor Zapp, who dodged. “I wanna stay right here with my boyfriend!”

“You don’t even know his name,” Doktor Zapp pointed out. “And also, he can’t talk!”

“I don’t need him to talk,” Cherry Blossom said, suggestively wiggling her rump.

A tall, thin cowboy, about April’s height, came out of the Christmas store, carrying a bag of ornaments. “Hey there, pardner,” he said. “What’s your horse trying to do to my horse?”

“She is not my horse—”

“I’m a pony! And I belong to myself!”

“She is my housemate, and she’s drunk on fermented apples—”

“And I haven’t gotten laid since I left Ponyland! I just wanna get railed, is that so wrong?”

The cowboy shook his head, not like he was saying “no” but like he was saying “I am just not even gonna deal with this.” “Well, pardner, I can see you got a feisty one there,” he said. “You’ve got my sympathies. I’ve had to drag my buddy home from a bender more’n a few times. He’s an astronaut, see, and he likes to get himself liquored up on space hooch.”

Doktor Zapp didn’t know how space hooch would differ from the regular Earth stuff, but he didn’t care enough to ask. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “It means a great deal to me that you care. It has been a very long time since anyone cared.”

“That’s right sad there, fella. You should fix that. Make some better friends.” The cowboy sat down on the horse. The horse was Cherry Blossom’s size, and the cowboy was April’s size, and Cherry Blossom was less than half of April’s height. The cowboy’s nether end barely fit on the horse, and he had to stick his legs straight out to either side or they’d drag on the ground. “Me and Sierra need to be moseying along now. You folks take care.”

“NOOO!” Cherry Blossom cried out as the cowboy and the horse started to ride away. “He’s the love of my life! Don’t take him away from me!”

The cowboy’s eyebrows went up. “Uh, ma’am, Sierra here is a mare. Surprised you couldn’t tell.”

“Oh,” Cherry Blossom said, and then wailed, “She’s the love of my life! Don’t take her away from me!”

The horse snorted, and rode off with the cowboy more than twice her size on her back, as Doktor Zapp held Cherry Blossom back by her mane.

“Let’s get you to the van,” he said, pulling at her.

Cherry Blossom burst into tears. “No one wants to fuck me!”

“There, there.” Doktor Zapp was aromantic and asexual, and couldn’t relate to Cherry Blossom’s issue, but long experience had taught him how to pretend. “I know it’s hard. Why don’t you come on back to the van and lay down? You’ll feel better.”

“I feel sick,” Cherry Blossom moaned.

“Well, then why don’t we get you to the van for a nice cup of water.”

“Uggh.” Cherry Blossom proceeded to vomit all over Doktor Zapp’s shoes, making him jump away.

“How!” he shouted. “Horses can’t vomit!”

“I’m a pony! Ugggh…” Cherry Blossom followed her retort with more puking. Doktor Zapp had to remind himself that Ponyland was in another dimension, which made Cherry Blossom more of an alien than an equine.

***

Finally, April had a chance to shop for Christmas ornaments. She favored the kitschy Christmasy Americana of Santas and reindeers and gingerbread men, as well as a lot of colorful glass balls to replace the ones that broke earlier today.

Since they were shopping to replace her ornaments, she was expected to pay for them, so she met up with Sheonte and Catrina as she was getting ready to check out. Sheonte stared in disbelief. “Girl, you really going with that Santa and candy cane kind of crap?”

“What the fuck is wrong with that?” April glared at Sheonte’s cart. “Your shit looks like some kind of ballroom decoration, not Christmas.”

“Yeah, but my stuff is Christmasy without being ugly, meow,” Catrina retorted. “Sheonte’s ornaments may look boring and corporate but yours are just stupid as fuck.”

“Excuse the fuck out of me for wanting a Christmas feel for my Christmas decorations! All you got might as well be an entire strip club’s worth of glitter!”

“You take that back, mraow!”

“My decorations are tasteful, but I can see you bitches don’t know the meaning of the word,” Sheonte snapped. “Corporate? April’s ornaments are fucking corporate. ‘Let’s put up ugly ornaments with candy canes on them to appeal to the soccer mom demographic!’”

“I can see you’ve never been in a corporate boardroom,” April snarked.

“I’ve never been in a boring-ass one full of old white guys, if that’s what you mean,” Sheonte said. “We Divazz had a boardroom. It was cool. It had soda, and wine coolers.”

“Well, it doesn’t fucking matter because it’s my house and my tree, and I say your ornaments are shitty and I’m not buying them.”

“The fuck you’re not,” Catrina said. “You said we could get whatever we wanted, mraow!”

“Yeah, well, maybe I didn’t mean it when I said it.”

“Whatever, bitch. I’m rich enough to buy my own goddamn ornaments,” Sheonte said.

“I’m not putting them on my tree.”

“Yes, you are,” Sheonte said. “Or Catrina and I are moving out. Right, Catrina?”

“Uh…”

“Because you can’t make the mortgage on the Dream House if two of us aren’t renting anymore, right?”

“I can find another couple of renters like that,” April said, snapping her fingers.

“Yeah, no, you can’t. Have you seen your ratings on Yelp?”

“Go Google yourself, meow,” Catrina said. “If the first hit isn’t ‘April is a bitch,’ I’ll eat this ornament.” She held up one of the sparkly balls in her cart. “Anyway, if you don’t wanna put them on your tree, mrew, I’ll get my own damn tree.”

“Ooh. Yeah. I could have an amazing tree for myself and you could just put your tacky junk all over your tree and it could look like shit,” Sheonte said.

Behind them all, they heard Lovey say, “But wouldn’t it be kind of weird if everyone in the house had their own tree?”

April turned. Lovey was there, and behind her, making her way over to the group, was Kerry Kitty, with Emily Egg sitting by herself outside the general area of the Christmas store. Lovey continued. “I think that would be weird, don’t you think? Shouldn’t we all be able to enjoy the big Christmas tree in the middle of the living room?”

“It’s my goddamn tree,” April snapped.

“But we’re all sharing the living room as part of our common space, right? Don’t you think it would be weird if we all had to have different trees?”

“No, nobody but you thinks so, and no one cares what you think.”

“I don’t care if it’s weird,” Sheonte said. “As long as April’s gonna be a bitch about her tree—”

“We need to go home,” Kelly interrupted. “Emily needs her nap.”

“Who cares?” April threw her hands up in the air.

“You will, when the giant baby throws a tantrum and everyone looks at you thinking you’re her mother,” Kerry snapped.

“I can’t leave until I’ve gotten myself a tree, mraow,” Catrina said.

“Yeah, maybe you can take Emily home but as long as April’s being a bitch, I gotta get myself a tree,” Sheonte said.

Kelly took a deep breath. “All of you are idiots,” she said. “No one can get Emily home without April’s van, she is very tired and on the verge of having a meltdown if she doesn’t get a nap, and you three stupid bitches are arguing about ornaments.” Her huge kitty face got into each of the taller dolls’ faces in turn. “You are going to buy all the ornaments you want. You are not going to get extra trees. I will make your ornaments work together without clashing. You are going to shut the fuck up and buy the ornaments in your cart and then April-san will drive all of us home, do you understand?”

Everyone stared at the normally perpetually cheerful and polite Japanese idol as if her face had just sprouted tentacles like a Cthulhoid monster. Catrina and Sheonte took delicate, discreet steps backward.

April did not. “Yeah, what if I—”

Kerry was about Emily Egg’s height, but considerably wider than any of the fashion dolls. She set her feet like a sumo wrestler and shoved April up against a rack of ornaments, her giant head looming imposingly against April’s neck. “Do you understand?” she repeated.

April paled. “Okay, fine! Whatever the fuck!”

Kelly stepped back and beamed. “Very good, April-san. Let’s go home!”

***

Since Cherry Blossom was sleeping it off in the back of the van, and Doktor Zapp was watching her to make sure she didn’t vomit again, April was able to drive off as soon as she and the others were all in the van.

Back at April’s place, there were mugs of hot chocolate for everyone except Lovey, since dogs couldn’t have chocolate; she had a festively striped bone that resembled a candy cane instead. When April pointed out that cats also could not have chocolate, Kerry had smiled a very broad smile and said, “Bite me, April-san.” And then downed half her mug at once. There was no explanation where the mugs of hot chocolate came from; this was just the sort of thing that happened when you were a doll superstar.

Kelly organized the tree ruthlessly, calling on Lovey and Emily to place the “owwmens” in the places she specified. Doktor Zapp was forcibly recruited to assist; he was smaller than Kerry, Lovey or Emily, but he had a levitation belt and fully dexterous hands. Kelly might have opposable thumbs, but her paws themselves were a bit large for interacting with the more delicate ornaments. Emily babbled happily and Lovey barked and frolicked with excitement, like Christmas tree decorating under Kerry’s command was the best thing ever.

April didn’t know whether she was more irritated that she was being left out of the whole tree-decoration process when it was her damn tree, or that Kelly was actually making the wildly clashing types of ornaments work together. She retreated to the roof with a bottle of wine. Catrina and Sheonte joined her.

“All this Christmas bullshit,” Sheonte said.

“Yeah.” April took a swig directly from the bottle, and then handed it to Sheonte, her eyes a challenge. Was Sheonte going to be all prissy and refuse to take a drink because April’s lips had touched the bottle?

The answer was no. Sheonte slugged down what was probably more than one swig. “Catrina?”

“Why the hell not,” Catrina said, and took the bottle. “Mrow.”

As she put it down, she said, “Last Christmas I was at Batrice’s mansion with Lulu and Foxy and Raven. We put purple and blue lights all over the outside of the house, mreow. Then we had steak, nice and bloody, and we decorated the tree. We had poinsettias, and lilies, and colored balls, and Foxy and I chased them around before we put them on the tree.”

“Sounds fantastic,” April said sarcastically.

“It was. It was great. I had real friends.”

“Real friends,” Cherry Blossom said, pushing open the door to the roof. “I had real friends too.”

“Thought you were sleeping off your drunk,” April said.

“I did that. Now I have the biggest headache. Pass the bottle?”

“Thought you only ate apples,” Sheonte said.

“Naah, I can get drunk the human way too.” Cherry Blossom was plainly still somewhat drunk, but four legs, even unsteady ones, were better at staying upright than two legs. She made her way over to the other three and sat down next to Catrina, who passed her the bottle.

“If you had such good friends, why aren’t you with them now?” April asked Catrina. “You try to kill one of them?”

“That would never happen,” Catrina said. “Even if one of them did sleep with my boyfriend – which none of them did, mraow – I would never turn against them.”

“Oh, la-di-da, you’re so much better than us dumb fucks,” Sheonte said. “You so ride or die, why ain’t you hanging with them now?”

“Because I can’t.” Catrina took the bottle back from Cherry Blossom. “We’re monsters. Shapeshifters. Were-girls, right? I’m a cat, Lulu’s a wolf, Raven’s kinda obvious…”

“So?” April reached for the bottle, bypassing Sheonte’s turn.

“So, villagers with pitchforks. Basically. Meow. We had to split up, the cops kept hassling us and there were lawsuits, and we decided it was best to leave Batrice’s mansion, except for Batrice of course. We’re trying to find a place all of us can live, but rents are so high around here, mraow.”

“That’s so sad,” Cherry Blossom said. “No one should be getting in the way of true friendship.” She reached for the bottle, but Sheonte, who’d finally gotten it, didn’t pass it back.

“This shit’s weaksauce, April. You got anything better?”

April opened her large handbag and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. “I got this.”

“Shiiiit. Yeah, gimme some’a that.”

Sheonte passed the bottle of wine to Cherry Blossom to finish as she opened the whiskey. Cherry Blossom said, “I miss my friends. I miss Ponyland. You people aren’t even my species, and I have to perform in your movies, and do pony rides, and you know what? At home I wasn’t even an actress! I wasn’t even a performer! I ran a grocery store! I sold fruit!”

“Didn’t you say you used to save the world?”

“Yeah, me and my friends used to use the magic of friendship to defeat monsters and evil sorcerors and stuff.”

“How’s a grocery store manager get a position like that?”

Cherry shrugged. “A new mare comes to your hometown with a prophecy, you know how it is.” She threw the now-empty wine bottle off the roof. “Why haven’t they come for me? I thought we were best friends. I thought we’d do anything for each other. Why haven’t they found me yet?”

Sheonte passed the whiskey to April. “Last Christmas we all got together at Yana’s house and we stood around the tree and we strung tinsel garlands all around it. Handing off to each other. The guys were helping with the stuff at the top, it was a tall tree. We had white and gold ribbons tied in bows, and pretty white doves and shit. Had Coke and rum, and Shannon made a cake…”

“Oh, wow, you people used to have such awesome Christmases.”

Sheonte glared at April. “We did. Because we had friends. I thought I had friends, anyway. I didn’t know Viv was gonna end up fucking my boyfriend and then all of them were gonna take her side.”

“I thought I had friends, too,” Cherry Blossom said, taking her turn with the whiskey. “Last Festival of Friendship, we decorated the whole town. Featherfall was getting all the birds to help out with putting snow garlands on everything… Spark had magicked the snow so it would stick together in a garland…” She began to sob. “I’ll never see them again, will I? Maybe they can’t get here! Maybe they can’t find me, and I’ll have to live here forever and ever…”

Catrina sniffled. “Meow. I wanna get back with my friends so bad. I can’t believe I gotta spend Christmas with you bitches instead of my real friends, mraow.”

“I wanna forgive them,” Sheonte said, beginning to cry. “I wanna forgive them so bad, I want everything to be like it was before, but how can I? How can it? I want to go back to the Divazz… I want Jax…”

April, dry-and-stony-eyed, stared off into the distance as around her, her tenants all broke down crying over the Christmases they couldn’t have with friends that weren’t here. All the friends she’d ever had who’d left her had done it because she was a bitch to them, and she knew it. Sheonte could fantasize about going back to the Divazz and Catrina to the Weargirls and Cherry Blossom to Ponyland, but April had never had a group of friends like they had had. Just two boyfriends, and family, and a bunch of bitches who’d used her to get ahead just like she’d been using them.

“I fucking hate Christmas,” she said.

[misskittysmagicportal]

When Vicky Needed Honey

(An OC Kiss Week collaboration between @super-unpredictable98 and @misskittysmagicportal. No warnings, just mother/daughter love. Moonwalkers/The Umbrella Academy AU)

I woke up with that weird feeling again. I looked over at Klaus, still pretty much asleep, and grunted. On my way to the bathroom I prayed and prayed, but no luck. My period was nowhere to be found. A couple of days, I can understand, an entire week is a bit more worrying.

The last few days I've been feeling kinda sick, but it could be stress. I've been feeling kinda tired, understandable after two apocalypses. I've been feeling a little dizzy, which could easily be from the time travel... But my period wouldn't come, so that was starting to freak me out.

"Hey, Vanya... Would you buy a pregnancy test for me?" I rehearsed in front of the mirror. "No, no, I should ask Allison. She has a daughter, she'd understand, right?"

I nearly jumped when Klaus shifted in his sleep, I hoped with all my might he didn't hear what I just said. I sat on the edge of the tub and let my head roll back. How the fuck did we let that happen? We always wear a condom!

Well, technically a condom has 98% of effectiveness, according to the box, which I was reading as I thought about it. That means... 2 out of 100 women will get pregnant. With the amount of sex we have, it wouldn't be surprising that I could become part of this 2%. Damn it, Klaus! Why do you have to be so charming? Blame it on three decades of suppressed desire I guess.

I had to talk to someone, someone who wouldn't judge me, someone I could trust. There was only one person I could think of, so I went back into the room and as silently as possible, I slid the black briefcase from under our bed. The date was already set, so all I had to do was open it.

I felt that familiar pull of time travel, that endless rope that dragged me across the universe, which seemed to take forever, even though it was less than a second. As soon as I landed, I regretted it, my stomach did not like the disturbance and I felt like I was about to throw up.

"Vicky? Are you ok?" I felt a gentle hand on my back and took a few deep breaths before being able to turn back.

"Honey! Thank fucking God you're here! I need to talk to you."

"Is it Klaus? It's Klaus. Oh my god, tell me he's alright"

"Alright, I think we should sit down for this one..."

Honey nodded with a smile and took my hand as we made our way to the couch. I chewed on my bottom lip for a little while, thinking of the best way to say it, but I didn't wanna admit it:

"So, I'm gonna say it and I need you to listen because it's very complex," I started. "I think I'm pregnant, and I feel horrible because I don't want to be. Not that I don't want any kids, I do, in the future. The problem is that we just came out of the second apocalypse, everything is a mess, my family is all over the place. I love Klaus more than anything, so I don't wanna throw this onto him, you know? He's been through so much already!"

"Sweetie..."

"And I'm terrified of not being a good mother, the only mother I ever had was a robot. I love her to bits, but what if all I can give my child is robot-love? I don't even know what it feels like, my birth mom clearly didn't love me, she chose to give me away for money, I understand she wasn't expecting to get pregnant out of the blue, but... I don't understand why she couldn't love me. I feel so selfish and so stupid for letting this happen, and I keep thinking about my biological mom, I'm freaking out here," I started sobbing. "You're the only person I can talk to."

**

Honey began to live for the sound of her “kids” popping by the apartment. She brought the books home with her more often in case Klaus would come by to learn more about himself. Or Luther who really just wanted the tiny woman to hold him the way a robot never could. And Diego who well, was always hitting on her. Allison and Vicky and Vanya helped her feel not so alone.

Yeah, they were her children. They were mostly older than Honey. The discarded. The outcast. Who suffered abuse. They were the bought and sold to a billionaire. They were a magical pregnancy and 43 terrified women, one she would become 15 years from now. Thank God she already knew what one of those felt like.

Honey was checking on Sugar and Sunny as they napped. The large crow with his beak buried in his ebony feathers kept one large yellow eye on them from above. Sunny was enamored with the corvid. Klaus, despite being 35 years older than himself, was deeply jealous.

It was from their room, after hearing a familiar VOIP sound in the living room, that Honey just felt in her body something was wrong. There was an anxiety emanating from Vicky whose back was to her.

“Vicky? Are you ok?” Honey gently touched the woman. She wanted to hug her, but opted for minor affection.

Vicky's expression in response worried Honey. “Is it Klaus? It's Klaus. Oh my god, tell me he's alright.” Her lip started to tremble. For a clone of Leon, Klaus was infused with his mother.

Half an hour later, Honey could only stare slack-jawed over Vicky's guts being spilled all over the couch. So to speak.

Honey took Vicky’s hand and did what her mom would do. What she and Julia found themselves doing with their children. Whether they were full grown men or toddlers. Honey kissed Vicky's hand several times and held it over her heart.

“First of all, I can't speak for your birth mother or the others. I know Klaus told me it was a spontaneous pregnancy. Like BAM! We're suddenly giving birth. For me, even being 45,” Honey shivered dramatically, “I would rather kill Reginald and take you all. But whatever the other women did. That's on them.

“But! If anyone knows about an unexpected pregnancy, it's me. She's asleep in the other room with her brother. I think I realized I was knocked up, I just ignored it until Leon mentioned something about my body being new. We NEVER used protection. Pills in the sixties were for married women only. The fact that we had sex for over a year before anything happened is a freaking miracle.

I took two tests in the flat. Then at the clinic. Just a few weeks before, abortion became legal AND funded by the NHS. I told no one, went and made that woman tell me every single step of the process. I asked how easy the adoption process in the UK is. I wasn't keeping it no matter what.”

Now Honey took both of Vicky’s hands, “You have so many readily available options.” She kissed them both again, “But please just let Klaus know. It's YOUR choice. YOURS. Ultimately, I changed my mind. I had her on my own. Pregnancy, birth, her first six months. I wasn't even on the same continent as Leon. But if my baby would have half his looks, and his way of loving, and even an OUNCE of his heart, Leon deserved to be a dad. I WANTED to have his baby. I don't regret my decision. I don't want to regret yours either. We all love you.”

Honey kissed Vicky's forehead, “I mean I'm your mom now.”

**

I would've started crying if I wasn't already, it felt so good to finally have someone to hold my hand. I can only imagine dad's reaction if I told him I was pregnant with Klaus' baby... It was awesome to not be judged for once.

"I wanna tell him, I'm just scared... If I really am pregnant, I wanna keep it, but what if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't wanna be a dad?"

My desperate rambling was interrupted by a blue surge of energy right in the middle of the room, that could only mean one thing... Klaus and Five fell from it with a loud thud.

I had to cover my mouth not to scream, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest, but Honey seemed pleased with the new visitors.

"Jesus Vicky... I woke up and you were gone, I was worried!" Klaus squeezed me in a tight hug.

"I told you she was fine, Victoria can handle herself," Five rolled his eyes. "It's not like she can get hurt."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disappear."

Klaus moved to give Honey a hug as well, she kissed his forehead and urged him to sit down between us.

"I know this face, Scnucki..." Klaus placed his hand on my cheek. "What's wrong?"

I looked over at Honey and she gave me a reassuring nod. With a sigh, I took Klaus' hand, tracing the 'hello' with the tip of my finger.

"Klausie," I tried to muster the courage to say it. "I know the timing might not be the best, things are a little crazy right now, but I think I might be..."

"Might be...?" He stared at me nervously.

"Pregnant."

Klaus' mouth dropped and he widened his eyes. Shit! Shit! He hates it, he wasn't happy. He was gonna leave me right there and then.

"But we always..."

"I know, but apparently condoms are only 98% effective."

"You two really abuse your luck," Five mused.

"Timing isn't great, but if you want to keep it, I'm with you. It's our baby," a smile tugged at Klaus' lips. "And I love you, so..."

"Actually," I got up as fast as I could. "I love you too, but I'm not pregnant. If you guys will excuse me, I gotta go to the toilet, like right now!"

**

Honey watched as Vicky ran off to the bathroom. She was left with a bewildered Klaus, slack jawed over everything that quickly took place. She could only snort as Leon popped up from the same corner Vicky had just flown around. Mouth agape identical to his clone.

“Alright love,” Leon kissed her on the cheek. “Never told me the kids were coming ‘round for a visit.” He eyed up Five, still uncertain of him.

Klaus dramatically planted a fist on his hip, “Im thirty-six.”

“Too right. What's going on? Is Vicky ok she looked barmy.”

“Well we were almost grandparents.”

“GRANDPARENTS?! I'm thirty! Bloody hell I can't keep track of the ten we have now. Can't handle a baby, mate. Not coming from you. No offense.”

“All of it taken,” Klaus quipped.

“Well we don't need to worry about it. Pretty sure Vicky just overwhelmingly got her period. Better luck next time!”

Every single person in the room nearly knocked Honey flat with a loud in unison “NEXT TIME?”

She wouldn't make that mistake again.

[serialreblogger]

Crow Noises

I wanna bond with my local pair of crows (we’ve gotten to the point where they come within two arms’-lengths of me to eat the seeds I scatter, which I call progress), so here’s a list for my personal use (and yours if you’re interested) of common crow sounds. The first bit is taken from Brian Mertins’ free ebook, “What’s That Crow Saying?” The rest is cited throughout.

“Where are you?” 

Sounds like this. A short series of somewhere between 1 and 9 loud “caw” sounds, all the same length and tone, followed by a listening silence (this pattern is often repeated multiple times). 

Doesn’t really “mean” anything, but it’s a way for crow families to keep track of where each other are from a distance. 

Indicates an overall sense of safety, no fear/imminent threat.

(This particular example has a crow going “caaw, caw caw” which intrigues me. Possibility: each crow, or at least each crow-family-member, has its own unique variation on this call so that other crows know who’s doing the calling?)

“Danger!”

Loud, continuous, chaotic cawing, very variable in sound; often many crows will get in on the alarm, so you’ll just hear a bunch of crows yelling constantly.

Depending on how immediate the danger is, the volume and frequency varies--the louder a crow’s yelling, the more immediate the danger. 

This call can be kind of low-key (“hey don’t steal my food,” sounds like this), or it could be a literal call to action--“time to mob this owl” (sounds like this).

Evidence suggests that crows have different “words” for different kinds of danger, and further evidence indicates regional differences in the meaning and comprehension of calls. 

I found this excerpt really really cool so here: Michael Westerfield writes in The Language of Crows, “American eastern crows that breed in Pennsylvania and winter in the southern states will respond to the distress call of the French jackdaw, a related bird not native to any portion of their range. Eastern crows that breed in Maine and apparently never mix with other crows, however, do not react to the jackdaw calls."

As such, it’s likely that trying to learn “crow language” would be about as sensible as trying to learn “human language”--there isn’t one, unifying meaning to every vocalization, because different regional groups communicate differently. Sure, “crow language” is probably less complex than “human language,” but the principle remains the same: the patterns one social group uses to communicate are created, not instinctual, and as such will vary wildly between social groups.

It’s like this: humans trying to find a friend will call their name in a long, two-note cry. “Frieeeeeeend’s-naaaaaaaaame,” right? No matter the language or name, we tend to fall into the same pattern when we’re casually looking for them and there isn’t any pressing danger. On the other hand, when there is danger, whatever we’re yelling will be much louder, often higher-pitched, and repeated. Crows do that too. 

We can recognize the patterns, but we don’t understand the words.

There are an immense variety of other sounds made by crows, including various churring, chirping, clicking, squeaking and rattling noises. We don’t know what most of them mean, because crow linguistics is a pretty niche field, I guess, so now I kind of want to get a PhD in it

Crows! Feel free to add on with your own socio/linguistic observations about crows or corvids in general!

[howlingday]

Jaune: Why are we here again?

Ruby: Because you have a problem with yourself and we're going to fix it!

Jaune: What; you're dragging me to therapy?

Ruby: No, I saw this ad for people suffering with inner turmoil, so we're going to try them first. Here. (Hands Jaune a flyer)

Jaune: "Heal first?" Ruby, this looks like a cult.

Ruby: Well, it's either this or therapy. Your choice.

Jaune: ...Let's just do this.

Ruby: Hello, I'm Ruby Rose and this is my friend, Jaune. We have an appointment today for him.

???: Oh, yes! Solar will be most pleased that you are here, and with 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 47 seconds to spare!

Ruby: Penny? Is that you?

Penny: Yes! It is me! How could you tell? My disguise was perfect!

Ruby: Uh... Call it a hunch?

Penny: A hunch that only best friends get right! Come, let us engage with Solar. He is currently speaking with the others, but I don't think he'll mind us starting your session. Oh, and before we enter, I must inform you that we all use nicknames here. It just makes things more fun!

Ruby: What's yours?

Penny: Dollar.

Jaune: Of course it is.

INSIDE

Penny: Elder Brother Solar, Ruby and Jaune Rose are here for their appointment.

???: Oh, hey, guys!

Jaune: Sun? You're in charge of all this?

Sun: Well, not so much in charge as it is me just taking the reigns to help with the healin'.

Jaune: (Deadpan) So you're in charge.

Ruby: Anybody else here we might know?

Sun: Well, you already met Junior Sister Dollar, but there's also Junior Brother Gray and Senior Sister Corvid.

Jaune: Who?

Raven: He means me and the Schnee.

Whitely: My name is Whitely!

Sun: Now, now, Brother Gray; Raven is still healing herself. We mustn't let our emotions run wild.

Whitely: You're right. I'm sorry.

Jaune: Alright. I'm out. (Turns to walk away)

Ruby: Jaune!? Come back here!

Jaune: Nope! I'm not getting into this hug-fest cult.

Raven: (Puts her blade to Jaune's throat) You WILL attend.

Jaune: Do it! I don't care!

Ruby: JAUNE!

Sun: (Puts his hand on Jaune's shoulder) Ah, I see now. It's all clear to me now. Don't worry, Jaune. I know just what to do.

Ruby: You do?!

Jaune: You do?

Sun: Yup, and guess what...

I've got a feeling,That you'll soon be feeling~,

A whole lot better than you feel today~.

She says there's a problem, Well that's no problem~!

It's super easy not to feel that way~.

You start to get confused because of thoughts in your head~.

Well don't feel those feelings! Hold them in instead~!

And turn it off! Like a light switch, Just go click~! (Snaps his finger)

It's a cool little healing trick! We do it all the time~!

When you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right~,

Treat those nasty feelings like a reading light~!

Raven: And turn it off! Like a light switch just go CLACK! (Pinches the air and pulls down)

Whitely: Really, what's so hard about that? Turn it off!

Sun: (With Whitely and Raven) TURN. IT. OFF!

Whitely: When I was young, my dad would treat us real bad~,

Whenever a dust shipment failed it's dues~!

Mother would be drinking, and I'd be thinking~,

How will my family from being abused•.

I'd see my sister all scared, and my soul was dying~.

My father turns to me and says, "Don't you dare start crying~!"

Turn it off! Like a light switch, just go click! It's our nifty, little healing trick~!

Raven: My brother and I were bandits, but he couldn't stand it~!

We both decided we were thieves no more~.

We spent the rest of our time, With a love of mine~,

And my new best friend at the weapon store~.

I left the team without any goodbyes, and the last I heard was that my best friend dies~.

Sun: Turn it off!

Raven: Yeah...

Whitely: Bid those sad feelings adieu!

Raven: With the fear that I might perish, too! (All three laugh)

Sun: When I was in my youth, My best friend was Neptune~!

He and I were close as two friends, you knew~!

One thing led to another, Soon I would discover~,

I was having strange feelings for my best dude~.

I thought about us,

On a deserted island,

We'd swim naked in the sea,

And then he'd try and...~

WOAH! TURN IT OFF! There, it's gone!

Whitely: Good for you!

Sun: My hetero side just won! (Flexes) I'm all better now~!

I've always like the ladies, so that's my endgame plan~!

And if I ever get the feeling I should be with a man, I turn it off~!

Ruby: Uh, Sun, I think we should focus more on Jaune, don't you think?

Sun: Hm... Whoops, my bad! (Steps in front of Jaune) Now you try it! Just turn it off~!

Jaune: (Closes his eyes) And... click?

Sun: How do you feel?

Jaune: Uh, I guess the same.

Raven: Then you have only yourself to blame.

Whitely: You didn't try hard enough!

Sun: Imagine that your thoughts are made of tiny boxes~!

Now find your box that's gay and CRUSH IT! (Stomps his foot on the ground) Okay?

Jaune: No, no, no! I'M not having gay thoughts!

Ruby: Hooray! It worked!

Sun, Raven, and Whitely: (Cheer) TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF~!

Jaune: (Thinking) I should have just gone to therapy.