#because they were so happy tired
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teen wolf meme: [1/5] motifs -> fire
You find the girl wearing that necklace, she's your arsonist. Murderer. Excuse me? Arson happens to property. This girl's a murderer.
#teen wolf#derek haale#peter hale#jordan parrish#isaac lahey#scott mccall#twedit#twgifs#mine#my gifs#twmeme#WERE ONTO MOTIFS EVERYBODY LETSGOOO#first up on the roster is fire obviously#the hale fire literally caused every single event in the show without kate burning it down there'd be no angry peter seeking revenge#who'd then turn scott#and of course fire is then carried through the show as a force of destruction#even more benevolent fires in the show like parrish's hellfire is still seen as a destructive element#but also fire is the only thing capable of curing wolfsbane poisoning#as you can see tho i didn't include any wolfsbane being burned out here but it's still very interesting to look at the somewhat dichotomy#created here#because even when fire is used in a healing way it's still something that causes intense pain for the person#which of course links to the whole pain makes you human of the show#also i'm not really happy with the colouring on all these gifs but i HAD to stop abusing the colour tools in davinci i was going insane#and there's definitely a better quote for this but it's the first one that came to mind and i'm tired so that's what we're going with
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There were some... roadblocks and complications when they were baking christmas cookies for the depot agents (what a trainwreck) (how it even got this bad exactly is up to your imagination ;b)
#at first the colors were completely different#I was going to make this with really REALLY muted colors#but I finished and didn't like it at all so u know... saturation and filters#my art#submas#pokemon#pokemon submas#eelektross#chandelure#subway boss emmet#subway boss ingo#I was planning to render I swear#but I get WAY too tired drawing even the most simple backgrounds#so no render<3 (what is even rendering art)#like I just took the term from what I've heard but actually no idea of what it is#oops i guess#also I know it's maybe too early yet to say this butttt#Happy holidays and christmas everyone!!#(especially to the submas fandom because I just really love all the creation and art that comes from the community#like the subway bosses really aren't important or relevant in the games but the fandom gave them so much personality and charm)#whoever might have read this hope you have a fantastic day!!! :D
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[something about space and the mists here 🌌☄️✨🌠🌌]
#happy birthday to ME#and aster I guess. because the aurora skins were made for her#which were a gift from korn 🫶🫶 💙💙 bitch (affectionate)#gw2#guildwars 2#astêrales#goodnight I'm so tired 🛌
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Yall still up with this “it didn’t make sense for Nico to start dating Will immediately” bullshit ijbol😭 just say you don’t want to see Nico healing and getting better!
#“they got together immediately’’ ohhh someone didn’t read their books#it took them months yall#and I agree Nico is traumatized mind you#I agree he has been through a lot#but there were VERY CLEARLY the bases for his healing in hoh and hoo5#it did NOT happen overnight it wasn’t something without a thought process#its just that YOU refuse to see it and acknowledge it because you don’t like it#Nico deserves to be happy and to heal and I’m tired of y’all complaining about every single shit thinking you know the character so well#NEWS FLASH! you don’t#Nico di Angelo#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo hoo toa#will solace#solangelo#percy jackson#nico pjo#pjo#nico di angelo hcs
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okay fine i’ll bring back the egg. sorry for the pun but i’ve been sitting on this for a while because i can’t decide what to name them
(thinking they/he???)
they love being warm and must be approximately as snug as a bug in a rug at all times <3
didn’t give much context before but we’re going with that the egg was abandoned in winter horns and recovered by a group of waddle explorers
there wasn’t a lot of (known) writing on dedede’s species so figuring out what to do from there was kinda hard and they didn’t really know anything for certain, but between a little research, a gut feeling, and dedede and mk already used to Parenting, they passed the egg onto them to look after and well. yeah
it was definitely a rollercoaster for dedede, to be given hope that there were others like him after all - so it was only natural he’d take it very seriously. he spends a lot of time with them and they’re very clingy because of it. he says they’re like a duckling
being so big also comes with problems because as clingy as they are, they outgrew being able to be held by other people pretty fast lol
“meta pls stop looking like ur gonna punt our kid”
anyway i guess i’ll introduce the other kid next? between the two of them uhh dedede had a very tiring few years. stay at home dad problems i guess. on top of being a king lol
he probably realized how grateful he was that kirby was so independent lol..
the real enemy is everyone (meta especially) having a busy schedule
#kirbyposting#i love getting carried away on ideas that were supposed to be small /gen#my art or something#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#how do you tag for fankids and ocs?? i have no idea#kirby oc#semi future au#omg oldee is in this post#if anyone has name ideas feel free to share#i couldn’t really strike a balance and find smth i liked#posting this for Wednesday because im not very impressed with it#so#happy cringe day Wednesday#i guess it’s kinda inherently uninteresting because they only really exist for a narrative#nothing new is being done here lol#buuuut since there’s a larger idea tied to this i feel i need to introduce them#and anyway! who cares if it’s interesting! two cakes or something#ill try to have the other post out soon I just wanted to save this for a wednesday#dedede is very tired in these doodles and i promise it’s just a coincidence lol#he might not be doing perfect but he’s doing good#and yes i am still avoiding redesigning him#bandee cameo wowie..
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ok ive been busy with schoolwork but heres a few more doodles lmao
here's mac, and of COURSE he had to be a ranwing/nightwing hybrid; aka the most self absorbed motherfucker in the world. im not settled on his design because he looks lowkey bald rn, but the general idea i had was that hes basically just some asshole with an animus touched object (earrings and lantern) that give him magic similar enough to his lmk shadow powers. he definently tries his best to make his scales stay dark and edgy all the time even when the emotive tendencies of rainwing scales make him randomly explode into bright colours when someone trips over and eats shit in front of him. he was still killed by wukong and revived by lbd because that gives me an actual motive and potential plot for his character and development beyond being a piece of shit (lovingly). and yes i do enjoy drawing the scar eye that's why i only drew his head from that side :]
and because they're my favourite character of course i had to do mayor, so heres a go at a chief design lmao. i'm still churning possible mayor designs in my brain but ill prolly have it done soon so heres a shitty doodle of an possible one for now, but i do have kind of a story planned out ? they were a general of the ice kingdoms army during a war and were incredible at it for a few decades, though eventually they met their match from a rivalling parties leader who outsmarted them and ambushed their troop mid flight when returning from a scuffle elsewhere. most of the chiefs men died from falling to the ground after having their wing membranes slashed or being skewered by the dragons that dove down into them. chief themself was fatally wounded but managed to crash down somewhere on the outskirts of the ice kingdom where they were found by lbd as they died. cool forehead star scar yippee !! also somewhat happy with how the armour turned out so yay.
#wof x lmk#lmk au#again i am MORE THAN HAPPY if u wanna share ideas for this au or chat abt it#uhh yeah these two were chosen partially because i wanted to draw something to do with shadowpuppet but am tired of drawing people lmfaooo#i imagine mac still being under lbds thumb and having to deal with mayor/chief being around a lot lol#macaque will be as he is in canon#mayor is... mayor#godamn i cant wait till i get the dragon stuff down pat this is so stiff looking UEFIEJSK#lmk macaque#lmk mayor#lmk#lego monkie kid
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I feel sooooo bad right now but I am getting on a plane to nyc tomorrow morning!!
#we are packing and tbh#thank freaking heck for my partner because I feel like my bones are made of lead#and my cannabis and meds can only do so much for me at this point#but there's also So Much To Do#anywho aaaaaa here goes another adventure!!!#(we were just in chicago and then orlando i am such a tired bean)#((but still happy still happy))
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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Let's talk a little bit about Mahiru's boyfriend
This post is alternatively titled "Mahiru's Boyfriend Probably Had An Eating Disorder And I Am Very Sad About It So Now You Get To Be Sad About It With Me" but that felt a bit much in the bold title font so I'm trying to tone this down at least a little bit :')
So I was reading this wonderful post earlier (you should too btw it has a LOT of interesting information), and as I was going through the food section something clicked in my brain. Pieces of information that were drifting aimlessly before quickly came together for me and I almost wish they hadn’t because oh boy is it depressing.
Now, nothing I’m about to say here is explicitly stated - but I do think it is strongly insinuated, through the MVs of both ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ (TIHTBILWY what an acronym wow) and ‘I Love You’. I am aware that the latter video has a lot of metaphorical imagery, but I still think some of this imagery can be taken in a literal sense to reinforce ideas established in TIHTBILWY.
TW/Trigger Warnings: discussion of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc.), discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Please take these into consideration and stay safe!
credit to iaobug’s transcribed images from ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ used below btw!
Now I’ve always had an inkling this could be possible, but I didn’t realise until recently there was this much evidence supporting a little idea of mine dancing around in my head.
But First, Some Quick Definitions and Criteria
First things first, I think we should briefly clarify what an eating disorder is and what eating disorder I think Mahiru’s boyfriend most likely had.
Here are some definitions:
Eating disorders are behavioral conditions characterized by severe and persistent disturbance in eating behaviors and associated distressing thoughts and emotions. They can be very serious conditions affecting physical, psychological and social function. (source)
An eating disorder is a mental health condition where you use the control of food to cope with feelings and other situations. (source)
And here are some brief introductions to several types of eating disorders:
The most common eating disorders are:
anorexia nervosa – trying to control your weight by not eating enough food, exercising too much, or doing both bulimia – losing control over how much you eat and then taking drastic action to not put on weight binge eating disorder (BED) – eating large portions of food until you feel uncomfortably full
Other specified feeding or eating disorder (OSFED) – A person may have an OSFED if their symptoms do not exactly fit the expected symptoms for any specific eating disorders.
(source)
Okay, so we have some basic information down, cool! This is not fully comprehensive but it will do for the purposes of this segment.
So what eating disorder do I believe Mahiru’s boyfriend had?
I’m not sure! The information we have is not conclusive enough for me to confidently pick an option. What I will say is most likely, and most common, is OSFED and the concept of the eating disorder cycle. People’s symptoms will often overlap with multiple diagnoses, or shift from one mode of behaviour (e.g. the restrictive eating behaviours found in anorexia) to another (e.g. binge eating and following compensatory behaviours found in bulimia).
Things are often not as clear-cut or black and white as we’d like to imagine.
Let’s move onto looking at the MVs, shall we?
This first music video has a wealth of information hidden in its cute magazine-style annotations and imagery - information that, when you look a little closer and consider the bigger picture, raises all the alarm bells in my mind.
Parts of ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ That Make Me Pause In Concern, In Chronological Order:
The Bread
Let's start off with a not very obvious one.
One of the first things we learn about Mahiru’s soon-to-be-boyfriend (which by the way this is literally the 2nd time he’s mentioned) is ‘wow he buys a lot of bread’. Insignificant on its own, I know, but consider this through my lens if you will: my man has bought 5 whole baguettes from a bakery. Not 2 or 3, but 5. Actually, on closer inspection there's even more bread of a different type at the bottom of that bag too. These aren’t store-bought, they’re fresh and will probably go stale in a few days. Pray tell, if the man is not eating baguette for breakfast lunch and dinner over the course of 72 hours... why did he buy so much fucking bread?
What comes to mind when I see this is binge eating. Bread is one of the most common binge foods out there; anything with high carbohydrates or high fat content, in fact, often due to its “unhealthy” or “forbidden” nature.
We'll just have a quick look at Mahiru's comment again:
"I thought to buy the same bread he did, but this is far too much for me to eat... ><
I forgot to ask how many calories there are..."
If it hasn't been established by now with the MV's aesthetic, Mahiru cares about her appearance. A lot. Her self-image and beauty directly ties into looking 'good' enough for others, so she can find the love of her life and please him with her looks.
If Mahiru is also calorie counting, this does not bode well for their relationship. I should probably speak in past tense, actually... Mahiru's own self-image behaviours made her blind to her boyfriend's self-image behaviours. There we go.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here.
So, We have an indication of binge eating behaviours. Remind me again what comes after binging?
The Jogging Hobby
Oh, that’s right - purging.
Excessive exercise is an indirect method of purging/compensatory behaviour found in bulimia. A more commonly known purging method is self-induced vomiting, but that's certainly not the only way to counteract excess calories.
So the jogging, while harmless in isolation, is starting to paint an ever-so-slightly worrying picture.
Again, let's take a look at Mahiru's comment:
"I had a chance to chat with him today, and he mentioned his hobby was jogging. ... I haven't exercised this much in ages... I'm totally exhausted..."
The only hobby (not hobbies but hobby, singular) that we learn the boyfriend has is this. Sure, there's one movie that he also likes... but that's it. There's not much else to him! So when the two most prevalent ideas attached to this guy are 'food' (in excess) and 'exercise' (in excess)... you can see where I'm going with this.
And by the way, the post I linked at the very beginning? Well, they worked out the location of where this running loop is, and judging by Mahiru’s position and direction it would suggest she’s already jogged about 5km and beginning another loop. So we’re looking at a jog ranging from 5-10km (or more)...
The Alcohol
Okay, here's a quick pop quiz question for you. Who is more likely to get drunk on the same volume of alcohol: a 5"1 woman, or an average height (5"7 in Japan) man?
In theory, it should be the 5"7 man on the basis of his height and size. Alcohol tolerance goes up the bigger you are.
So why is it that the boyfriend ended up blackout drunk, and Mahiru... didn't?
Let’s take a look at the comment:
“My first date at a bar, how heartpounding!
Here is where I learned he’s the biggest lightweight I’ve ever met! ...or maybe I’m just really good at holding alcohol?
Whatever the case, blackout drunk him is so cute!”
Three possible options:
Mahiru really can 'hold her liquor'. Judging by her sheltered home life and general lack of adult life experience though, I'm gonna press x to doubt here sorry mappi.
The boyfriend drunk more alcohol than Mahiru. Also unlikely, as she calls him a 'lightweight' and I think she would've highlighted this in her comment.
He drank on an empty stomach. Alcohol absorbs way faster if you haven't had anything to eat beforehand. This, I think is the most likely scenario.
Here's a little more on the subject that I found interesting:
You absorb 20 per cent of alcohol into your bloodstream through your stomach and the rest into your bloodstream through your small intestine.
Drinking a small amount of alcohol stimulates your appetite because it increases the flow of stomach juices. A large amount of alcohol dulls your appetite and can cause malnutrition. (source)
What have we learnt so far?
So we’ve established some concerning behaviours here.
He eats in excess
He exercises in excess
He drinks in excess (on an empty stomach)
I’m actually going to move onto material from the ‘I Love You’ MV, but intertwine it with some of the remaining points from TIHTBILWY.
At this point the relationship has progressed, we’re moving into winter which brings with it the holiday season! Yay! Except not yay, because things are starting to look really bad for Mahiru’s boyfriend. We've gone from this:
To this:
The carousel was fine at first but now it’s taking its toll on him. Both of them have tattered clothes but Mahiru looks optimistic, whilst the boyfriend looks very distraught. His cheekbones are visible and overall he looks a lot less healthy. I guess this is a good time to point out how distinct and visible his collarbone has been this entire time by the way? He’s even bonier than before. Not great.
A lot of events occur at this time of year, such as Christmas (celebrated between couples in Japan as more of a lovers holiday) and new years. What happens a lot during that period of time? Food. Lots of it. This point in the year is not ideal for someone suffering from a worsening eating disorder. This is a period of time which someone would want to move very quickly from because they can’t see the end of it.
I think it’s time to read Mahiru’s comment from day 15:
“Happy new years! To celebrate, we went to a shrine.
Predictably, I already have my wish in mind.
May we stay like this until the end of time.
May nobody stand in my way”
She, on the other hand, is very happy for things to remain as they are.
Day 16 - AKA, Oh No Things Have Gone Terribly Wrong
This is where the narrative hits its climax and everything starts to snowball.
Now, we reach this scene where the boyfriend stops walking and breaks down. He kneels on the ground, digs his nails into it, and pleads for... something. Help? An intervention? A stop to this carousel that’s doing him no good and only making his health (physical and mental) worse?
He never speaks. It is a silent plea.
One that Mahiru misses.
Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin
My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight
Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right
What did you do, Mahiru?
I believe that this scene and response:
Is directly parallel to this event:
As in, they’re the same thing.
One more comment to read:
He’ll be in for a big, delicious surprise once he gets home!
I’ve made SO many notes about his favorite foods, and practiced my butt off!
I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees it all.
Her love - her surprise buffet to cheer him up - scored an own goal, so to speak.
I don’t think I need to say much about this picture, or this scene. She’s giving him excess but that excess is literally driving him over the edge. The nuance is lost between them, and they both need different things from each other and they’re not getting it. Cake to rats, rats to cake.
They’re back on the carousel, spinning around and around with things never changing, no end in sight.
I want to end on this frame of the MV. You see the pole behind the boyfriend? It’s reminding me of rope, and of a certain visual at the end of the video. The juxtaposition of Mahiru forcing her ‘love’ onto him, and of suicidal ideation being the only way off this ride and his problems.
#milgram#mahiru shiina#analysis#long post#eating disorder tw#anorexia tw#bulimia tw#this is how to be in love with you#ai nan desu yo#I love you#daisuki#I DID THE THING and it's... long. and sad :(#this was a really interesting interpretation to write! it's certainly not bulletproof but I truly believe this guy had problems in life#and mahiru couldn't have changed that fact. did she help? not really! did things get bad bad? y. yeah. but! ...#...I have nothing uplifting to say here. her love was plentiful and well meaning but woefully misguided </3#I genuinely care about this nameless character now... he looks so happy at the start embracing her and im certain in better--#--days between them they were having a great lovey dovey time!! ugH my heart it hurts.....#if there's typos it's because it's late and I'm tired LMAO
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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Don't you love it when you get back into your childhood hyper-fixation that you remember very fondly as an adult and realize how fucking depressing the actual story is now that you have the capacity to understand it beyond cool fighting and characters, humor, and awesome friendships?
#bleach#ichigo kurosaki#bleach 686#every analysis I see makes me more and more upset#why does literally everyone in this story suck#how did Kubo make such dynamic characters only to slowly crush their souls more and more until we get the most unsatisfying ending EVER#I keep trying to get back into the manga/anime but I feel like a pit forms in my stomach every time I try to#I love the characters dearly but oh my god#the relationships and the way most of the characters interact just grates at my nerves#like every few months I'll read like twenty chapter of the manga#get back into the fandom#read some analysis#and then I'll start dislking it all over again#I need a happy ending#i need a better ending#please Kubo#I need the hell arc to completely dismantle the soul society and the whole world as they know it#I NEED CHANGE#I hate the regressing and stagnation of the soul society#I need them to be overthrown#I need the characters I love to become antagonists all over again#I need Ichigo to be enemies with the soul society again#i need rebellion#I need the soul society to be the greatest evil again because in the end#they are the source of nearly ALL the problems Ichigo and co. face in canon#I'm so tired of them being the lesser evil#I need them to fall apart#I need the characters to have genuinely good endings where they are happy rather than regressing back into the people they were at the star#of the story or even worse turning into the ppl they had sworn they would never become
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.
#yesterday i had this moment where i cried so much and so hard in a way i haven't cried in so long#it was a moment of pure soul crushing grief. it was like i had lost my dog already. i felt like i was never gonna see her again#(she's still here. tired and sick and currently sleeping. being very loved. still here.)#i was talking to my mom and sister a couple of hours ago and they said they had a moment like that too yesterday#and i think for me that was an extremely difficult but necessary moment of acceptance#in that crying i let go of my fear and denial and fully accepted that there is no getting better this time. she will be gone soon.#and god animals are so very sensitive aren't they? because it's like my other two dogs know too.#it's like thay had that moment of acceptance as well. they were so quiet yesterday. they didn't eat all day.#it's unbearably painful. i'm extremely sad and my heart is shattered. but i'm glad that i'm at peace#no dog has ever been as happy and as loved as she has been her entire life. i'm sure of it. and me and my family are going to be okay.
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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Today on Pop Culture Addressed By Ancient Theologians: Does Free Guy synthesize the tension between will and intellect as the vehicles of ultimate human bliss as seen in Thomistic medieval theology?
#I’m Tired so my thoughts are jumbled but if the Franciscans were like the will ie act of love is the ultimate experience of happiness and#Aquinas was like um actually to will something means something is unfulfilled ie wanting and that’s not perfect#but perfect knowledge can be perfect because people want it for itself therefore intellect gives us happiness in contemplating God#yeah#does free Guy resolve that tension in its world view by going#freedom to choose is only present where love is present as the lens by which we see the world?#wait idk but like#Jody and the parallel world of Guy attain happiness not only when they will for love’s sake but when they see love#like there has to be the willing and eternal/constant/continual humming yes! of the will and the intellectual Knowing/Seeing the Love#idk too big for me#whatever else this is teaching me I’m naturally inclined toward the Franciscans#pov#like I get what St Thomas is saying and he definitely is making points but I’m like nerd. where is the love#and it is there of course but he gets so caught up in the understanding cause he likes to understand! that IS how he loves!#but im like if you haven’t used the word love at least 99 times in your principle statement what even are you#sgjhdsgovc#anyway the answer is it’s both and you can’t split the hairs too fine#but only to understand how they fit together#love is willing (yes!) and seeing (also saying yes!)#so when Pieper was like love is saying it’s good that you exist#it’s the assent to (with the will) and the seeing of (with the intellect)#idk processing processing lots of thoughts
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom
#time for a little rant because i feel like i need to get it off my chest rn#i feel so disconnected from this fandom lately#mostly because literally everything is about travis these days#like don't get me wrong i'm really happy that she's happy but#i just don't feel the need to talk about her relationship 24/7 like some of the swifties#and honestly it's all just too much#everything is about taylor and i'm not even excited anymore when i see new pictures of her#because it's just too much???#i truly love her with all my heart and i always will but even i am tired and i've been a swiftie for literally half of my life#why do people have to discuss every single detail about her love life#and who cares if she's going to be at the game again#let her live maybe#i'm sorry but it's just so annoying lately#this fandom is being too fucking loud and i'm tired and it's not even fun anymore#remember when the eras tour started? amazing times#we were talking about it all the time and discussing every single detail of the tour and the songs and all#now it's all about her new relationship guys it's not... like... WHY.#it makes me so sad because it used to be different#ugh#i might get hate for that but i don't care i just really needed to say that#taylor swift#ts#talking shit for the hell of it*
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