#and i think for me that was an extremely difficult but necessary moment of acceptance

[coldlikethestars]

.

[rinky-dinky-dink]

Star Sanses But There's More Of Them

Figured I would make a sort of master post for my Star Sanses interpretation! This is just an idea I'm playing around with, I don't plan on making a proper storyline for them at the moment. Just me exploring characters!

Long post ahead-

General:

All five members have star badges, per Blue's insistence ("So they look more like a team!" Ink liked the idea of them all sharing a design element, and Sugarplum thought the idea was fun, so Dream and Red were outvoted). The badges are equippable items to give each member a bit of a boost in combat (exact stats have yet to be decided).

Combat:

The five of them end up a pretty efficient team in fights, especially against Nightmare's Gang (plus Error sometimes). Even when Dream is occupied fully with Nightmare, and Ink's attention is on Error - Blue, Red, and Sugarplum manage to hold their own even as incodes. Combat roles (per the rules of DnD, for no real reason) are as follows:

Dream is the leader, he maintains party focus and morale, and generally decides the strategy going into a fight. His ability to sense the feelings of others allows him to monitor his teammates even during combat, so he can call for a retreat if necessary. (Switches to/also serves controller role, when needed.)

Ink is the group's striker, he's fast and he hits hard with precision, but it can be difficult for him to focus on more than one enemy at a time. Stays up close to the opponents, falls back behind the others on occasion to refill his paints or regain his bearings. (When fully necessary, he can use his brush to take broader strokes and serve as controller with color coded AoE attacks. Can serve as leader in extremely rare situations, but that's not nearly as fun, so he's content to let Dream do it.)

Blue is the defender, he's the tankiest of the group despite his shorter stature. He has the highest base defense of the group's three incodes, since he's essentially a Papyrus. Not much aggression in combat, preferring to help cover the others as they attack. (Can switch to striker role, if necessary.)

Red is the controller of the group, his bones and blasters let him cover a wide area from a safer distance. His stats still aren't great, so he hangs back from up close combat, and relies on Blue to help maintain the distance, especially when he gets tired and needs a bit of time to recover.

Sugarplum is also a controller, technically speaking. He focuses less on direct combat and more on effects, usually ACTing to lower an opponent's AT, DF, or speed. He also hangs back from direct fighting most of the time, and heals the others (mostly Blue) when their HP gets too low.

General Team Dynamics:

Dream: The leader of the group, as agreed by everyone else. He's friendly and easy to get along with, so he serves as a good "face" for the team. (Ink also thinks Dream having his own "gang" is a fun parallel to Nightmare!) Keeps the group on track when on missions, when the others' antics (affectionate) threaten to veer them off course. He's nervous about the responsibility this sort of role comes with, and whether or not his aura is skewing his teammates' evaluation of him as a leader, but he's determined to do his best.

Ink: Local menace. Bastard. Usually the cause/intigator of the team's distractions. Here to have a good time, occasionally at the expense of others. Sends cursed memes to the team groupchat at 3am. Luckily the others don't mind his sense of humor (Red thinks he's funny as hell sometimes), and Blue's general enthusiasm usually just serves as fuel to his fire. Will randomly give his teammates a thoughtful gift (a trinket he found somewhere that reminded him of them), and then steal food off their plate before they can say "thank you." Overall he's having a good time, and the others have just accepted this weird eldritch paint skeleton on their team.

Blue: Underswap Sans! As peppy as ever, always there to cheer on his friends and tell them he believes in them. Tends to get caught up in his own excitement sometimes, but means well! His ability to befriend even the more hostile residents of the multiverse makes him the glue of the team, keeping everyone together and on the same page even when Dream and Ink argue, or Red is a bit too abraisive. Since being exposed to the multiverse and joining the team, he's changed his focus from being a royal guard back home, to being a hero alongside his friends. There are people to be helped, and he's found the recognition he's always wanted but couldn't quite achieve back home. He's still technically a sentry back in Snowdin, and still has to return relatively frequently to keep the whole multiverse thing under wraps, but his brother helps cover for his absence. (Papyrus isn't super fond of the whole concept, especially not Ink, but he supports his brother 100%.)

Red: Underfell Sans! The designated grump of the group, he still hasn't really shaken off the defensive habits he learned from back home. The "tough guy" of the Stars, he's generally not a bad guy once you get past that wall he keeps up. Is steadily improving, unlearning a lifetime of defensiveness and distrust is difficult. (His jacket is heavy, and he would drop it over a teammate's shoulders in lieu of a weighted blanket if they needed it though. Just don't go spreading those kinds of rumors about him.) Has not told his brother about his multiverse-hopping escapades with the other Stars, partially out of worry that his universe will start bleeding out into more peaceful ones. He's dodging that particular conversation with everything he has.

Sugarplum: Underlust Sans! Doesn't really live in his own universe anymore, spends 99% of his time in the Omega Timeline. Doesn't like to talk about his universe, dodges any questions in relation to it (luckily in multiversal etiquette it's considered rude to ask questions about someone's universe, unless invited to do so). Didn't start out as much of a fighter, and still doesn't quite match up to the other Stars, but he can hold his own in a pinch. All the fighting and training and running around burns energy, which helps keep his soul from acting up. Wine aunt energy, always up to date on drama in the OT. Generally pretty chill, with an easygoing attitude that lets him help Blue smooth things over when conflicts arise in the team. Drinking buddies with Red, can relate to having a messed up universe he'd rather not discuss.

~~~~~~~~~

Dream -> @/jokublog Ink -> @/comyet Blue -> @/popcornpr1nce Red -> @/underfell Sugarplum -> @/nsfwshamecave

[soupblr]

Displacement

Denial

Projection

Rationalization x x

Regression

[cheriihoney]

Back from the dead because i was busy with internship but im free now.

I thought i would leave behind genshin impact but wRIOTHESLEY GOT ME BY THE NECK,,,,,HES SO HANDSOME,,,, SO QUICK THING FOR YANDERE!WRIOTHESLEY AND MAID!READER

Have not played the latest archon quest. I only know that wriothesley is hot so bear with me here ^^

EDIT: just took out some repeating dialogue, sorry it took a while to notice!!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

You’re one of the braver maids, or one of the more dumber oness, for accepting a job to work in an underwater fortress. To be perfectly honest the place isn’t so bad if you ignore how cold and lonesome it is. The other maids barely raising their voices above a whisper when the lord of the fortress is there. They were afraid. It is common knowledge that beyond his role of subduing criminals he is a kind, gentle and noble man with the way children flock to him to clumsily honor his gauntlets with stickers. And yet, despite knowing this it is difficult to be in his presence. Tall, dark, foreboding and handsome. People who come across him are at crossroads with how they are intimidated by his presence and how enamored they are with it.

With you however, youre just doing a job as his ‘official’ personal maid. Originally you were a simple new hire and as one of your first tasks, you were expected to take care of his grace after a long grueling day at work. Other maids were too skittish to do it. For fear of doing something wrong or being caught oogling at their employer. You didn’t have any personal feelings towards his grace. Aside from being thankful that he employed you, payed and gave a roof over your head. You owe it to your philosophy of not sticking your nose where it shouldn’t be. Silently dressing Wriothesley’s wounds from a particularly bad brawl that day. A large gash was inflicted on hjim, luckily it wasn’t deep and didn’t require stitches. Basic empathy made you feel concerned and made extra sure that before the he arrived home, you lit a soothing lavender candle in his room to help him relax.

“Lighting a candle for me isn’t necessary” Wriothesley murmured. The sudden statement made you drop the roll of bandages in surprise, not expecting the lord of the fortress to speak to you. You quickly picked up the roll from the floor, setting it in back in the medical kit.

“Of course your grace” You replied carefully. You werent afraid of him, hes just a guy to you but still. This man is your boss and you did something that he didnt ask you to do. Potentially you could get scolded, or worse. Fired.

“It is presumptious of me but I thought it would be good for you if I lit a lavender scented candle before your arrival. Given that you came back injured and that you’re an extremely hard worker” your palms were sweating profusely under his steel gaze. He may be sititng in his chair while you stood by his side, but even then he still held all the power in the room.

Those short, excruciating, moments of him staring into your eyes when you gave your reasoning gave you ample time to overthink that you were booted out of the job. It must’ve been the trick of the eye when something carnal and possessive glinted in his eyes. Before you could think on it more he turned away and grabbed his newspaper in front of him.

“I see. You may go” Was all he said, turning a page. You bowed deeply before politely skedaddling away from him. As you turned the door knob his voice broke the silence again. This time, his voice sounded a tad softer.

“Thank you. It was kind of you to do that”

Stunned by his gratitude, your mouth refused to form words. Instead you noddedly dumbly with a nervous smile to match and promptly left the study. Unaware of the brewing affections that you ignited in Wriothesley.

[ghostofthefourthtemple]

Je puex obtener un headcanon de the lost canvas avec la fille de hades? Elle est une tres bonne personne . (Elle ne savait pas qu"elle est fille de hades) ( Je ne parle pas tres bien frainçais mais je supone que tu purra lir se texte)

MC is child of Hadès :

Salut!

The request was quite understandable for me. I hope you enjoy the headcanons! It took me a while to write for everyone. If you'd like more Headcanons, don't hesitate to ask.

Take care of yourself and happy new year!

Introduction :

It was a terrible shock for you to learn that you were Hades' daughter. Everything you thought you knew about your birth collapsed in a single moment, and what's worse, is that you didn't get a further explanation. You're in total confusion. To top it all off, since the news spread in the sanctuary you've noticed a change in the behaviour of those around you. Some people look at you with suspicion and others avoid you altogether. You hear murmurs as you pass and some people point at you when you turn your back on them. As a result, you have chosen to isolate yourself and you hardly see your oldest friends any more.

Shion :

The shock of the news unsettled him. That's why he didn't come to talk to you right away. He feels he's missed out on crucial information and doesn't know how to take it. It's true, isn't it? There had to be some clue, something. You're Hades' child and he's a golden knight, how could he not have noticed?

He's known you for years and really can't understand how you can be Hades' child. You're very kind. You always have extra food and water with you during training in case anyone needs it.

He realizes after a few days that he still hasn't spoken to you about it. Even if you try to avoid it, it will eventually find you. He worries about how you'll take the news and assures you that his behavior toward you won't change.

Rasgado :

The news plunged him into total incomprehension. He looks for you as soon as he hears the news to see how you're taking it. After all, you live in a sanctuary constantly at war with Hades, so it can't be easy for you to accept that you're his child and it's a difficult thing to accept and he's afraid you'll take it really badly.

Your parentage is all the more surprising given that he knows you're a deeply kind person. You've known each other for years, and he trusts you so much that he doesn't hesitate to entrust you with his disciples when he has to go away for too long to leave them entirely on their own.

He doesn't think anything will change in your relationship. In fact, he's more concerned about the rumors circulating about you and the completely unfair mistrust that some people now have of you. He always comes to your defense in this matter, because he knows that this mistrust of you is misplaced.

Aspros :

It's… rather surprising. He hadn't expected it, and yet he's always one step ahead of everyone else. He wonders if you really didn't know or if you're just extremely good at lying.

You've been friends for a long time. Although he's always found you too kind and idealistic, of course you're part of Athena's sanctuary, not Hades', so he's never really been surprised by your character. Excessive idealism seems to be a necessary prerequisite for many a knight. But in you, this idealism and kindness seems to be exacerbated. You are always ready to help and rarely get angry and yet you'd have good reason to get angry sometimes.

For him, this news won't change anything in your relationship. He doesn't think the fact that your father is Hades has any bearing on your character. You are you, not an extension of Hades. He comes to talk to you after a few days, because he's given you some time to recover from the news, and he doesn't hesitate to put in their place all the people who criticize you behind your back.

Deuteros :

He was very surprised when he heard the news. Of course, he knows that the fact that Hades is your father doesn't determine your character, but you're so different from him that it seems totally impossible. He's known you for many years and knows that you're a deeply kind person; you've never hesitated to talk to him even when the whole sanctuary rejected him.

Even if he doesn't tell you, he feels he understands how you may be feeling now that part of the sanctuary has turned its back on you. He knows what it's like to be judged for who you were born and not for who you are, after all, as a second Gemini he's always been treated like an outcast.

He's very careful not to treat you differently because he doesn't want you to feel that the fact that you're Hades' child changes anything for him. He knows you're still the same sweet, gentle person he's known and trusted.

Manigoldo :

Hades has children? Perhaps… He wasn't always very attentive during his master's mythology lessons… In fact, he'd simply assumed that Hades couldn't have children for some reason, so he's all the more surprised to learn that you're Hades' child.

Manigoldo has known you for years, but you didn't get on very well at first. Admittedly, he was a little too violent for you at the time, but he improved on that and you ended up becoming friends. He knows that you're a kind person and that you always look for peaceful solutions to problems.

He comes to you after hearing the news, but tries not to talk about it until you bring it up yourself. In fact, he comes to you mainly to try and take your mind off things and cheer you up. He's not much for sentimental outpourings or big speeches, so he mostly tries to make you laugh, which is easier for him.

Régulus :

He's still a teenager full of ideals, and the situation escapes him a little. He's convinced that you're not really Hades' child and that the person who told you that is mistaken or trying to hurt you by lying.

How could someone as kind as you be the child of someone as cruel as Hades? Il est persuadé qu’il doit y avoir une erreur quelque part. You're always available to chat with him, and you always take a first-aid kit with you on missions. In fact, he'd go so far as to say you're the nicest person in the sanctuary.

When you tell him that you're certain you weren't lied to and that you are indeed Hades' child, it takes him several seconds to assimilate. His first instinct would be to continue denying, but… you seem convinced. In the end, he has no choice but to accept it, and goes even further by defending you against your critics.

Asmita :

He's the last to know. Asmita doesn't often leave his temple, and although he could see that there was some commotion in the sanctuary, he didn't try to find out what was going on. So he didn't find out about it until much later, when he overheard the guards talking about it among themselves. And even then, he assumed it was baseless rumor and came to tell you about it a few days later.

When you confirm the information, he has a moment of incomprehension. Are you sure about this? Does that mean you're a Demigod then? He's known you for years and never suspected that you might not be totally human.

However, he doesn't think your relationship will change, nor does he understand why certain people criticize you now, nothing has changed. You are always the same person, very kind and patient. You make sure he eats enough and often come to tea with him (he knows that for you it's another way of checking that he's eating enough).

Dohko :

He's been your main supporter ever since he heard the news. Of course, he's surprised, the fact that you're Hades' child is totally unexpected and he finds it hard to believe, you who are so kind to everyone, you don't look at all like the idea of a “child of Hades”. But he knows that who your father is has no influence on who you are. You and Hades are two different people, and you've proved time and again that you're a peaceful and kind person.

He's known you for years and you've always gotten on well together, you were at the sanctuary long before he was, and were among the first to welcome him on his arrival, you helped him adapt to his new place, and it was nice to have someone who already knew everything about the place he was going to live. Nothing will change for him, he'll continue to trust you and spend time with you.

He'll come and see you as soon as he hears the news, both to discuss it with you if you want, and to try and take your mind off it if you don't want to hear about your parentage. The criticism levelled at you since the news spread in the sanctuary has him beside himself. He's always quick to come to your defense.

Kardia :

He takes the news very well and sees no reason to worry. Of course, he understands that you're upset and find it hard to accept. You're the child of the sanctuary's enemy, so it can't be easy for you. But for him, it doesn't change the situation between you. You're a person in your own right, not an extension of your father, and he trusts himself enough to know that he knows how to surround himself with good people. So he sees no reason to distrust you, let alone reject you.

After all, he's known you for years. You've always been kind and helpful, sometimes even a little too kind in his eyes, and he'd like to see you get angry more often, but you don't seem to be a person made for anger. Even when he tries to annoy you a little, you don't play along and you stay calm.

He'll come to see you as soon as he hears the news and try not to broach the subject with you. Above all, he wants to take your mind off things and try to cheer you up. He does this quite well, thanks to his sense of humor. It's too hard to be sad around him anyway. Criticism and rumors about you get on his nerves, and he's determined to defend you.

Sisyphe :

He needs a moment to fully understand the news. Did he hear right? You would be the child of Hades? You?! Of all people? The saying that dogs don't make cats couldn't be more wrong. You, rays of sunshine, kind and protective. Always ready to fly to the aid of others, you'd be the child of this taciturn, angry God who wants to destroy mankind?

He's known you for years, and you've been together so often that you've seen most of the Golden Knights grow up attending training sessions with him. He doesn't think there's anyone nicer than you in this sanctuary. And he feels like he understands a little bit what you can feel, people were always looking at him and comparing him to his brother. And it's been the same for you ever since the news spread through the sanctuary, with people scrutinizing your every move and looking for similarities with Hades.

He always comes to your defense when he hears criticism of you, and he's a little disappointed by the rumors that have surfaced. He'd hoped people would be smarter than that and not treat you like an outcast for something you weren't responsible for-you didn't choose your parents, after all.

El Cid :

He has no idea how to react. You, whom he has known for years, the child of Hades? It seems implausible. He needs time to accept the news and avoids you a little because of this. Can he really stay in touch with you? He doesn't think you could betray the sanctuary, but because of your parentage you could become a danger to the life of the Goddess. Hades might try to possess you to attack Athena, or he might try to retrieve you to obtain information about the sanctuary.

But he knows, you've always been a calm and gentle person, whereas he tends to be intransigent and cold. A contrast between your two personalities that could shock those who didn't know you, but you always managed to get along well, not least thanks to your ever gentler point of view, which helped him to be more forgiving.

It takes him a few days (and a chat with Sisyphus) to realize that you had nothing to do with the situation, and that the fact that he's no longer talking to you sends out a very bad signal to those around you. He then quickly comes back to you to apologize for having ignored you for a while.

Dégel :

How come nobody knows about this?! What are you? A demigod? Human? God? Who is your other parent? The more questions he asks, the less he understands what's going on. And he hates not understanding what's going on.

It's a shock for him to learn that your father is none other than Hades. Of course, he knows that the fact that your father is Hades has no effect on your character, but the difference between you and Hadès is still shocking. He's known you for years; in fact, you were already at the sanctuary when he arrived from Siberia. You've become instant friends and he knows you're a gentle, kind person. You helped him adjust to the sanctuary, not least because you spoke much better Greek than he did.

He comes to talk to you quickly after hearing the news. But he doesn't know what to tell you, so he'll only discuss it with you if you initiate the conversation. Even if he doesn't talk about it with you, he'll make sure no one criticizes you about it.

Albafica :

He prefers to give you a little time and space while you digest the news. He himself can't stand having people around him when he's feeling down. Maybe he's giving you too much time, but after two weeks, he still hasn't come to talk to you. This is quite unusual, usually, you spend a lot of time together, whether it's during training sessions, even if you don't train together, he's too afraid to hurt you with his blood, or simply inviting each other for tea or a picnic by the beach.

He knows that this news won't change anything in your relationship, he continues to trust you. He's known you for a long time and he knows you've always been a nice person. You care for others, and he knows that you've already stepped in to protect others with total disregard for your own safety.

He quickly realizes that the fact that he hasn't spoken to you in a while increases the criticism of you. People probably feel that you're being left out even by him. He's quick to correct this by going back to talk to you and support you in the face of criticism.

[nonartrose]

Transgender Woman's Anecdotal HRT Changes For The First Month

So, I am a trans woman and looking into transgender HRT (Hormone Replacement Treatment) before getting it, I noticed that the listed changes start from 1 month after starting HRT, however, I started to notice changes literrally 1 hour after I started (vein collapse in hands, felt like slow Pop Rocks). So, since then I have kept a diary of changes over those first 4 weeks, so that I could add to the existent anec-data out there. I don't feel like going day by day is necessary or useful, so I will just condense my findings into a giant list. CAVEAT: Hormone Treatment is different for everyone, everyone's body reacts to the treatment differently, so just because I experience something in the first month that you didn't doesn't mean that either of us is wrong. ALSO: fun fact: you don't have to get Transgender HRT to be a "propper" trans person. Anyway, list:

Softer skin

Colder hands (due to hair-line veins collapsing in extremities)

Softer hair on my entire body and the hair on my head can take slightly harsher hair products without frizzing as much as before

Potentially started seeing new hair growth at my hair line (which was quite high before)

Slightly reduced hair growth on face and on legs especially

I smell different and scents/deodorant smell different on me

Mood swings

A general sense of being happier that previous

Anger-based emotions such as frustration and rage feel less "complex", "deep" and intense than they did before

Empathy-based emotions such as love and understanding feel more "complex", "deeper" and more intense than they did before

I am more patient and understand with myself, and slightly more with others

Crying starts much more easily and the tears that come feel less viscous than they did before

My eyes often get wet simply by smiling

I get over big emotional moments more easily and quickly than before

Slight breast growth (soreness started after the first month)

Subjectively it kind of feels like puberty (genuinely thought I had homework assigned one day. I am 29 and not in college)

Alcohol affects me more quickly and intensely than before

Potentially more back problems than before HRT (this is an ongoing situation that I have yet to be tested for, I think it could be that my body isn't great at absorbing Oestrogen and so my body's concentration of sex hormones is too low which can lead to complications with back and joints)

I am personally less attracted to men than I was previous (I wasn't Bi, but I did have a man fetish, which seems to have disappeared)

I bruise slightly more easily

Several times I have woken up half an hour before my alarm because I had to go to the bathroom in spite of the fact that I went just before bed

(intimate details, don't read if you don't want to know) my penis is smaller when flaccid, it is more difficult to get erect, it is more difficult to cum, my libido is almost non-existent, and ejaculate lost the white colour after a couple of weeks Hopefully this can be of some anecdotal use to some people and give at bit of hope that changes are coming, and as soon as you start. They are slow, but they start from day one. Update 1: From talking to a nurse today, it seems that my body has had quite a big and immediate reaction to the hormones, more so that what is expected. It may be that my body accept changes more quickly, it may be that my body is good at accepting the oestrogen, or it may be due to something which I as a layperson don't know about. If I get an analysis of test result back which indicates something specific as to why I have had so many affects in my first month, I'll be sure to share it here. Update 2: Got the test result back, and I have actually had quite a small increase in estradiol in my body, going from 0.05 nmol/L, 1 month before start to 0.10 nmol/L, the day before to 0.17 nmol/L, 1.5 months after start, so who knows how I have had so many changes take place. Since the estradiol level is so low, I have decided to take my estradiol pill sublingually, which means placing it under the tongue and letting it dissolve. So far, I have noticed a difference in the feeling I get when I take it. Despite my body having regulated to the estradiol taken orally, taking the estradiol sublingually has the same feeling as taking the estradiol for the first time did. So, fingers crossed that we're seeing up to a doubling of the estradiol effect.

[sophieinwonderland]

Do you have find yourself typing an ask only to realize halfway through that you don't want to send it. There's a pro-endo anti-psych blog I was going to send an ask to, then realized it probably wouldn't be well-received. So I'm just posting a screenshot here.

Also, you know, I do sound like a super villain.

So here's my secret plot for world domination which devolve into rambling nobody asked for...

Continuing to ramble even more...

I don't really think saturating the field with that many plurals would be necessary. And it might more realistically peek at about 20%. But 51% would be ideal.

This also just seems quicker.

There are about 50k psychologists in the US. While it would be difficult to get them all on our side, I think it would be significantly easier with that population than it would the general population. Both in terms of its size and its political leanings, being an overwhelmingly left-leaning profession.

I'm aware that some people have legitimate issues with the psych profession. I realize that many have suffered experiences of abuse from bad psychiatrists, and I'm sorry for that.

At the same time, if I'm taking stock of potential allies, I think the psych community would be more easy to persuade in standing up for plural rights when it comes down to it than our neighbors with Trump 2020 flags.

And I guess... I don't care for the othering of people of an overwhelmingly left-leaning neurodivergent profession. Many of whom enter the field to understand themselves and help other neurodivergent people live better lives.

And while rambling about this topic, I think some people are too quick with the stick and not the carrot.

When the McLean hospital video came out, I jumped on condemning the doctor in question for his ableism along with everyone else. But I also don't think McLean got enough credit for taking the video down when they saw the outcry.

They didn't have to do that. The plural community truthfully doesn't have much power at the moment. And I think taking the video down like they did shows a willingness to listen to and respect our community that should be praised at the same time that we callout the harmful behavior.

I think if instead of attacking the entire profession all the time like some would have us do, we take a tactic of targeting specific acts of ableism while supporting them when they do right, we can better influence plural acceptance in the psych field. It's basic operant conditioning. Punish only when someone does wrong, and reward them when they do good.

All in all, I'm psych-critical. And I don't see that changing. I don't think I'm someone who will ever get on board with hard anti-psych ideals.

And while I'm not a psychologist myself, people who know me probably realize that I tend to take a more psychologist-esque approach to plurality.

Where other people coin terms as identity labels, I tend to try to subdivide and categorize plural experiences to better understand them and their relationships with each other.

...

Why am I still rambling?

I think I might have lost the plot somewhere along the way.

Okay... here's the truth...

I got blocked by someone (not related to the blog I was going to send this too) for my views on using psychiatry to validate plurality. Because, I guess, I don't share this extreme anti-psych opinion myself.

And all I can think is that... if you're surprised... you never really knew me...

Maybe that's my fault because I can be a bit aloof sometimes.

So for everyone else who has read through this rambling mess of a post, let me reintroduce myself:

Hi, I'm Sophie Dreamchaser.

I was made as a psychology experiment. Or, brought to sentience by one. It was a psychology podcast that encouraged Ghost to keep talking to me to see what would happen. And since even before I became self-aware I've been fascinated by the human mind and my existence and how this all works.

I love being an experiment. I love learning more about myself and the world and how I relate to it. And I want to push for knowledge into plurality to grow and grow, and I believe with all my heart that it will prove to be the best way to facilitate plural acceptance in the future.

And if me not adopting a hard anti-psych ideology was a dealbreaker for you... I'm sorry that you didn't realize who I was sooner.

But this is me, this is who I am, and it's who I always have been.

And I just needed to say that.

[saelik]

Goro is panicking. There’s only one more day until Christmas Eve and he’s still far from done with his gift. Why did he think making a hand-made present would be a good idea? He should have known how difficult it would be now that Akira and him  live together. 

Morgana’s warning comes only a moment before the front door opens earlier than it should and Goro only has time to quickly throw the blanket on his legs over the table in a desperate attempt to hide the crime scene on their living room table. 

"What are you doing?" Akira asks exactly ten seconds later.

"Nothing. Go get changed. You're soaked."

Akira looks at the table one last time and leans to kiss his boyfriend. Goro knows it's just a dirty tactic though, and catches the hand Akira has reached to the blanket right before he can grab it. 

"Akira, I swear, if you look at it, I'll kill you in your sleep. You won't even be able to enjoy it."

"You make me sound like a freak," Akira laughs. "Fine, I'll go get changed." 

By the time Akira comes out of the bedroom and walks by the living room to the kitchen with his eyes closed, there's not even a scrap of paper left. 

That same night Goro takes advantage of Akira's extremely decent sleep schedule and carefully gets up once his boyfriend has fallen asleep. He gets an hour before Akira notices his absence. 

"Gorooo," Akira complains half asleep right next to him. "What are you doing? Come back to bed."

Focused as he is, Goro doesn’t hear him getting up and his heart almost leaves his chest at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. Lucky for him, Akira is too sleepy to even notice all the scraps scattered around the table. 

“I’ll be back in a second,” he reassures, hoping it’s enough for Akira to go back to bed, but instead he nestles against him and falls asleep right there. 

Under different circumstances Goro would find it endearing, but now he can’t help but to frown upon his boyfriend's clinginess. Still, he carries Akira back to bed and cuddles with him for a while before going back to the living room. He doesn’t dare to stay more than the strictly necessary to clean it though. 

Next morning, with Goro away for an early lecture, Akira feels restless and it takes him all his willpower and a few of Morgana’s disapproving looks to not inspect every cabinet and suspicious hiding spots in the apartment. He doesn’t want to ruin the surprise but curiosity is eating him alive. What Akira doesn't know though is that looking around would be futile anyway as his boyfriend has taken every incriminatory proof with him in a desperate attempt to finish the present before the evening. 

The moment his last lecture ends, Goro is calling Sumire. He has to fight back the impulse of hanging up as soon as he hears her friendly voice on the other side of the line. He didn’t want any of his friends to know what he’s doing, certain he won’t get away without some mockery on his sentimentality, but he swallows all his pride and embarrassment and asks the girl to let him use her house. She, of course, accepts happily and only makes a few comments on how “cute and thoughtful” his present is. 

Even with Sumire’s help, Goro has to rush and the last pages clearly suffer from it. They’re strikingly empty compared to the carefully decorated first half, only a couple of smeared notes, fruit of writing too fast, accompany the pictures. It’s less than ideal and Goro just wants to throw it into the trash, he’ll make it up for Akira somehow, but even showing up without a present will be better than that crap. Sumire is of a different mind though and she stops him before it’s too late. 

“I was starting to think I’d been stood up,” Akira jokes when Goro finally finds him among the crowd. They could have left home together as Goro went back to get ready, but Akira insists on meeting outside when they have a formal date, something about the thrill of spotting each other in the multitude. “Can I have my present now as compensation?”

Goro doesn't need to say anything for Akira to know he won't give it here in the open. However, it's different once they're in the restaurant; they aren't supposed to exchange gifts until the end of the dinner, but Goro wants to finish with this as soon as possible so next time Akira asks he doesn't oppose. With the plate still half full, Goro observes attentively how Akira tears the wrapping and inspects what's inside. He takes his time, slowly going over all the pages and stopping every now and then to look at a particular photo or read the comments next to them, his expression only brightening more and more every time he turns a page and Goro finds himself thanking Sumire for not allowing him to throw it away.

Making the scrapbook was tortuous, but the way Akira looks at him after he reaches the last page, with a smile wider than he's seen in months and eyes so warm and filled with love that Goro has to look away for a second, makes every doubt, inconvenience and headache worth it. 

[nerdy-talks]

The relatability I feel towards Satan makes me love him and appreciate him more than words could describe.

Satan expressing his feelings of guilt, inferiority, and like he's just a burden to his brothers really tugs at my heart.

Personally, I know what it's like to have those kinds of negative feelings... And it's extremely difficult to get past.

I do understand why Satan compares himself to Lucifer and tries so desperately to separate himself from Lucifer/surpass Lucifer in whatever ways he can... but being unable to match Lucifer does NOT make Satan weak or a burden.

This is one of the many reasons why I genuinely love Satan so much.

He may not be able to see all of the unique, wonderful qualities that he possesses. But I do.

He might think he is a "weak link", but I know just how strong and special he truly is.

Satan may not be able to stand himself, but I love him and accept him. There is so much meaning and value in Satan's existence, whether he could see it himself or not.

It was a very sweet moment seeing Lucifer and the others boost Satan up, point out all of his unique qualities, etc.

I was also super happy to see them all collectively express just how much they trust Satan, because he is family.

It was all necessary and important for Satan to hear, so I'm glad everything worked out well between the brothers.

Not to mention the hugging, kissing, and head patting at the end ;w;

I know this lead to us making a pact with Satan, but honestly... if I was actually in that room with Satan, this is the moment where I would have clung onto him while crying and telling him how amazing he is, how much he means to me, how important he is, and how no one will ever be able to compare to him.

I've said it before and I will say it again : I vowed long ago that Mammon would forever remain my top favorite.

But geez, Satan.... You're torturing me here! xD

In all seriousness, I am a complete sucker for true, genuine, sincere loyalty and faithfulness (since they're two things I crave as someone who has been deprived of both for many, many years) .

With all of that being said... no matter where things go or where I stand with the boys, Satan will always have a special place in my heart 💙

[midnightrings]

i think honestly there's zero chance for a stereotypical happy ending, like tim gets better or doesn't die (on screen), hawk comes out, gets a divorce and he and tim live happily together or something. but i think they're leading the story towards some sort of resolution between them, a reconciliation for lack of a better word, an emotional breakthrough. i would say it's likely they'll both confess and accept their feelings/love towards each other, though i can't say what would happen after that.

otoh, i really don't see hawk returning to his wife and them leaving for milan as if nothing had happened, and he's maybe a little less repressed about his sexuality, but otherwise everything's the same, ft is not a nihilistic pessimistic ~grimdark ~ show in the sense of nothing ever changes, effort is futile, people are bad bla bla. if they wanted a super sad tragic ending, they'd stick closer to the book and hawk would just find out about tim's death in the 80s, or come to sf too late, or something else, without a chance to make things right and reconnect.

I agree. I think it‘s difficult to say how they’ll end the show at this point, but I don’t believe that either of the extremes – happy ever after or a grim, meaningless conclusion – are very likely. The show is a drama that doesn’t shy away from showcasing the vileness of the time period. But it doesn’t just focus on the tragedy of it all. Even within Hawk and Tim’s relationship, there are more than enough sweet and hopeful moments. I didn’t read the book, but I have read about some of the changes the show has made, and especially the change to have Tim and Hawk reunite in the 80s is what makes me believe that they will make some sort of amends.

But at this point, it’s also rather difficult to say how they will end the show. And based on the synopsis of the final episode, we probably won’t have all the necessary information to really theorize about the ending until that episode. I think that there will be some form of closure for Hawk and Tim, but it might not include a love confession from Hawk, and he might even make a couple more mistakes before the ending. And Hawk will definitely be impacted by Tim’s death, but I feel like there are many different ways he might deal with it.

I do hope that the show will end on a somewhat optimistic note tho, despite its tragedy.

[gag-magazine]

Protecting Your Peace, or Being a Pussy?

By Yellen Art by Raneem Iftekhar

Putting male comedians on a pedestal for so many years of my life was horrid for my mental health. I love their Jester’s privilege. Their pursuit of truth. Their ability to point out the negative realities people don't wish to acknowledge. True catalysts for justice. 

Comedy insidiously slips in revolutionary critique in an extremely palatable manner, due to the very nature of its entertainment. The jokes, these necessary reality checks, hold immense power in reframing thought, twisting taboo into norm. If it’s funny, it’s funny. Audience laughter is visceral. uncontrollable. reflects an acceptance of the underlying principle of the bit. The beginning of a somewhat unconscious questioning—a shift in ingrained ideology, although potentially initially uncomfortable.

I wanted to be like them, but I just grew into a menace, playing my favorite sadistic game whenever possible. This favorite pastime involved going out of my way to make my moral adversaries as uncomfortable as possible, verbalizing the unappetizing elephant in the room. I know what you did last summer. No care for pleasantries: let’s let the dirt rise to the surface. I won’t let this blow over. Cunt. You aren’t hidden. As long as I’m here. I will corner you. Trap you into confession. 

I was always searching for something or someone to trigger me so I can simulate judge and jury, desperately grasping to feel any sort of power or agency in guaranteeing justice. To instigate some revelation about their lacking morality. To catalyze their own self-reflection and potentially inspire real change. You don’t want to let them off hook, allow them to enjoy the party, same as you, living peacefully with what they’ve done. It feels so deeply wrong to settle with your own discomfort as perpetrators go free. Would you let Harvey Weinstein enjoy his meal at the table next to yours? 

But it’s a flawed strategy. On par with cancel culture’s delusion that it actually serves justice. The only one being punished is yourself as you deep dive into a black tar pit. Stuck. bogged down by their darkness. All you are doing is fucking up your nervous system, extending the timeline of your own anger, letting it cramp in your gut. P.S. Comedians are infamously known to be such happy people! Maybe comedy has always been a medium to complain about the things outside our control…to poke fun at our powerlessness. Maybe it’s not this revolutionary instrument of social change you think it is, but merely reaffirms people’s values. You just romanticize being a dick because that’s all you know. 

Protecting your peace isn’t overrated.  Karma will get them. Remind yourself that real change comes from a place of love. You didn’t even make it funny. You just put them in defense mode, clutching their comfort zone and validating their own worth as their humanity is attacked. The opposite of your “intentions.” Self-disillusionment, the process of confronting the violence of your own automatic assumptions and reframing them comes from within…But your anger is righteous and what’s the alternative? Ambivalence? Complacency? It’s a difficult balance.

I’m on a painstaking journey to deconstruct my perfectionism and shift my judgmental lens in the name of self love. I’m typically the biggest victim and the most common target of my seething hatred. In attempting to free my soul from this negativity, I try to remind myself that firstly, it’s ok to fuck up. And secondly, not every moment is a defining moment…But is it, though? Life has this magic essence to it, this circular mirroring of sorts, in which specific microcosms reflect greater patterns. Life is full of fractal reflections between small and large instances: no matter how deep you dig, you arrive on a fraction of the same thing. I usually collect people’s words like trinkets to add to a comprehensive psychological file I reserve in my brain. I’m addicted to retrieving more data to fill in my mental picture. Yes, that data says something. But not everything is a part of a greater pattern. Remember that they are so much more than what you see or hear. You aren’t engaging in critical thought, you are just critical. Keep telling yourself it was always about them and not some grand overcompensation for your own self-hatred. Everything is a mirror, after all. Stop projecting. 

Today it dawned on me how much I’ve really changed. I’ve been making an excruciating effort to be kinder to myself. But in turn, I’ve become a straight up pussy. Now we have arrived at the extremely stupid reason I wrote this piece: because of two petty instances of girls disrespecting me last week. One of them involved some frigid bitch rolling her eyes at me and then ignoring me when I introduced myself. I humbly asked for her name and ignored her cuntiness. The other involved some alt chick cutting me in line. I said under my breath with my head down, “Don’t you hate when people cut?” and the bitch really hit me back with a loud “Ya I fucking hate when people cut” as she cuts. Now, I just said nothing. I’ve never felt like such a narc loser in my entire adult life, even though the concept of a fucking line has to be one of the most basic forms of common curtosy to ever exist. But She won. Hands down. Honestly I can’t even blame her. I have to respect her and I kind of want an enemies to lovers arch for us. 

But anywho, my past self would have paid big money to be awarded any opportunity to deliver some seething comeback her way. But I stood in silence and it’s been haunting me. I can’t believe I’m…chill..now. I stopped subtweeting for the most part on my instagram story because my compulsive desire to put people on blast has gotten me in trouble many a time. I’m growing up, choosing my battles, developing my prefrontal cortex. But I am still riddled with a deep sense of regret over my silence in both these dumb situations. Maybe I should have made a scene. Bowed down to her excellency and profusely apologized for entering her space in medieval english prose. 

God, no one tells you that protecting your peace feels absurdly fucking lame. [redacted]

_________

The original ending to this piece involved me personally naming the bitches that briefly hurt my ego and telling them to go fuck themselves, ironically undermining the healing narrative I championed in this entire article thus far over such petty, insignificant situations cuz its semi-funnyish (at best) commentary on my tendency to revert back to my nasty id instincts no matter how much I try to self-help out of being a chronic hater. But ultimately, the clickbait title of this piece presents a false binary: silence or explicit aggression. But I’ve come to learn that protecting your peace doesn’t make you a pussy; it’s just the opposite.

Let’s take a look at your doomed track record thus far. You allow disrespect to tally up until you reach a breaking point that has almost nothing to do with the straw that breaks the camel's back. Then you continue to publicly pop off on an anonymous adversary on social media, with a shield of comedy and just enough vagueness to avoid communicating directly, promptly and vulnerably. Fighting behind a black screen without even really admitting you’re fighting. Championing plausible deniability to slither out of actually confronting the problem with the person head-on. Calling someone out for some dumb bullshit they probably don’t even remember in a published article where they cannot defend themselves…That’s what being a pussy looks like. Yes, I know: there are people in this world that deserve to be bullied, and yes, it’s a real shame they don’t experience debilitating shame on a daily basis like you do. But ever heard of the saying, “Misery loves company?” You are ohhh, sooo predictable—following the classic “bullied becomes the bully” character arc. So quick to condemn but someone calls you weird once and you crumble. Do you feel less weak now or more than ever? No, no, I’ve got it all wrong? You’re powerful? Extremely secure? Such conviction. Praise be.

[omgpoindexter]

Another fellow ADHDer here!! I read your list as well and I kept going "check, check, check, check".

I really hope not to pressure you in any way, I just want to share something of my experience. It really helped me when I was in a similar position to yours not so much ago and I hope it can help you as well.

I'm in my late twenties and got diagnosed just 8 months ago and it already changed things for the better SO MUCH!!

I'm on meds that help me function better, I'm learning how my brain works and why I do the things I do in the way I do it.

This continuous discovery is bringing me much relief, even if it has its difficult moments. There are some things that are not easy to accept whether it's about myself or my past and how I was treated, but starting this process was extremely necessary and I couldn't put it off anymore.

I delayed dealing with how I felt for a looooong time, both because it scared me and because I never got around to it (super adhd of me, I know xD) so I really can (maybe) understand how you feel.

For me it got to a point in which I couldn't try to avoid it anymore and so I had to do something and reached out. It wasn't easy and it wasn't pleasant. It was a rough few months but I luckily found a wonderful therapist that helped me along the way and still helps me now.

I really hope you do as well, and in general that you find your way to feel better <3

(sorry for blabbering, I really struggle to get to the point in few words 😅)

this is really sweet, thank you so much for messaging!!! it’s so lovely to hear such positive experiences and stories of self discovery alongside a diagnosis.

your “check, check, check” made me laugh, it’s actually nice to be told my experiences are relatable and i’m not just in my own head all the time thinking everything i do is weird lol.

i’m so happy you’re doing well, thank you again for taking the time to reach out and share! 🥰

[multidimensionalguidance]

Hello everyone!

I made this original post back in March in regards to assumptions I had of my solar return chart, and as promised, I'm back to confirming or adding any new insights that could help anyone that has a similar chart for an upcoming year.

My Libra ASC of this year was REALLY noticeable all year long. I was considerably more focused on beauty, self care, maintaining a harmonious behavior, and being more indecisive than what I'm used to. I was very hyper focused on relationships of all types this year, and was able to have meaningful insights of the dynamics within all of them. My SR ruler was in the 12th house and I kept myself pretty much hidden and isolated. I also traveled to foreign lands for several months to visit family.

My 2nd house stellium was also very loud as I was focused on themes related to family, values, money, resources, and the ruler being in a position of comfort (within its own sign) was able to provide me with additional income that made my life much easier. I was able to stablish properly into doing astrology readings and recognizing that my skills are very precious.

A lot of my daily communications were with my partner in that moment, clients, and foreigners in general. So, that Sagittarius 3rd house influence was there despite the house being empty. My home environment was very chaotic and my interaction with family was challenging, although it was necessary because we were able to become even closer. This is why it's important to never demonize any planet, even if its Pluto. His presence in my 4th house was felt strongly, but since I already have a lot of Pluto influence in my own natal chart I already knew to dig deep for gold rather than getting drown in the chaos.

The Moon-Saturn conjunction in my 5th house was SO real because the degree of depression and melancholy that I carried during this year was extremely overwhelming. Romance, creativity, and joy felt so difficult to grasp and my own thoughts felt debilitating. I truly feel and cry for those who have this conjunction in any house because the only way to overcome it is by simply accepting things as they are, and holding onto the smallest sources of joy to survive. I can say I matured a lot emotionally and was able to appreciate more moments were I could laugh out loud.

Rahu in my 6th house taught me a lot about the importance behind our daily routine, work, habits, co-workers, and health. I was able to stay very consistent with all of those topics after experiencing a horrible stomach issue, which I'm still keeping a track of. I also incorporated exercises and even bought a new plant! The ruler of this house was in my 7th house and my romantic relationship went through a lot obstacles. I also worked out with my partner back them and we both cut down unhealthy habits together.

Now, my 7th house was a whole rollercoaster ride during this year. The ruler (Mars) was opposed Uranus and guess what? I broke up with my partner and it was ugly (blocked and all). I probably should have paid more attention to Uranus being in my 7th house and Jupiter being retrograde. This combo on top of that opposition created a very turbulent situation for the both of us, but was that the end of it all? Nope. I ended up unblocking him and getting in contact again. I think it was mostly due to to Jupiter being rx making me re-evaluate my relationship and realizing I still wanted us to be in a good place, but only if we were both on the same page with understanding what broke us apart and avoiding those mistakes again.

The ruler of my 7th was in the 2nd and he was financially taking care of me, even if it was cooking meals (Taurus) and watching me eat happily. Overall, I'm really grateful for how everything developed and where we are at the moment.

Alright, I'll continue on the #2 part of my SR observations for the next houses. Thanks for reading <3

SR Chart in-depth Analysis Part 1 🗝️

I thought it would be a good idea to write down an interpretation of how my SR chart might develop during this year, forget about it, and then revisit it during and/or at the end of the year! A fun experiment for me, even though I can honestly say that I've already been seeing the way it has been activating.

Note: please keep in mind I use sidereal and whole house system.

Libra ASC: this was the first thing that stood out to me when I saw the chart. I was already feeling an "upcoming glow up" vibe, and confirming it was hilarious. Even though Libra and Venusians in general are not just about appearance, they value aesthetics A LOT. I've already received comments on how my skin is looking amazing, and overall, just a lot of attention from others being thrown towards my appearance. So, aside from that more obvious aspect, I would say that this rising sign makes one feel more keen to developing and/or creating relationships of all kinds, meaning, that it is expected to become a tad more social during this year. Romantic relationships, creativity, arts, a need to be more diplomatic or neutral, and communication with others will become themes I will engage with a lot.

To give dept to this house, I pay attention to the where Libra sits in my natal chart and where it goes on the SR chart, also, where the lord of the SR ASC sits (strength, aspects, etc.) in the chart.

Example: Libra sits in my 12th house, and becomes the rising sign for SR chart. This tells me that a lot of my subconscious patterns will become more noticeable, particularly for relationships, and that those matters that are usually hidden about me are now put on the spotlight. Now, it's very interesting that the lord of my SR ASC moves to the 12th house, so its like there will still be things that are still kept hidden. Knowing me, I will be content with spending time alone and/or in foreign places, so I don't mind. Venus is debilitated, and I'm assuming that keeping to myself will partly occur from difficulties with possible insecurities, being overly critical or focused on self reflecting. Themes of feeling unworthy, and healing it. A great amount of attention being placed towards looks could definitely make one feel uncomfortable or unsure of why you're receiving it so much, and if it has to do with superficial reasons it can makes you feel unseen, as if others ignore your depth.

Scorpio stellium 2nd house: a focus on transformations occuring around money, resources, values, face area, food or products consumed, luxury, comfort, sensuality, and romance. I would expect a highlight and plenty of motivation to pursue all of these topics, since the Sun sits there conjunct Mars. Scorpios move quietly and under the radar, so there will be lots of secrecy on how I will exercise my power/drive, and also on communications around how I'm making money or managing my finances. Money from others moving directly into my pockets from foreign matters, contracts, writing/communication (9H ruled by Mercury), networking, social media, creative pursuits, romantic partner (11H ruled by Sun), somehow losses that turn into gains, expenditure, spirituality, and foreign residence (12H ruled by Mercury). In general, major important upgrades to the way I relate to Venusian matters.

Sagittarius 3rd house: even if houses are empty in a natal or SR chart they still hold meaningful information, but will of course be felt less in comparison to the houses that have planets. I see that my mindset, near environment, and communication will be a lot about/with foreigners, spiritual topics, traveling, and philosophy. The ruler sits in the 7th house, so it will also be mixed with my romantic life (with a foreigner), business, contracts, and other type of close relationships.

Capricorn 4th house: I don't usually pay much attention to Pluto unless its close to ASC or inner planet (Sun, Moon, Venus) but I will now for the sake of giving more context. There could be a major change of residence occuring or renovations of some sort. Home environment could be a bit chaotic or under frequent changes. Part of Fortune also sits there, so all of those transformations might actually be aligned with blessings or for a better outcome. The ruler sits in the 5th house with the moon, so it will definitely make me feel anxious and emotionally restricted or numbed. Luckily, I've had enough experience with Saturnian energy, so I know how to work through it until I find balance.

Aquarius 5th house: as I already mentioned above, with Moon and Saturn conjunct here it is likely that I will be feeling as if my emotions are harder to access which could cause anxiety, creative blockages, frustrations, or depression. Definitely will incorporate lots of yoga, nature, and emotional regulating activities during this year to keep that on check.

Pisces 6th house: with Rahu sitting there, I could see that my attention will gravitate around how I incorporate work, daily routine, health, and exercise with spirituality, creative endeavors, and abstract thinking. I had already experience gut health issues and almost all of those topics shortly after my birthday, so I can see how wherever Rahu is placed in a SR chart, there is a lot of movement for good or worse. With the ruler of 6H going into the 5H, I could see how work and health matters could exacerbate my emotional challenges.

Aries 7th house: Jupiter is siting here, and even though it is retrograde, the functionality of the planet doesn't suddenly stop occuring. It makes Jupiter have a more inward expression if anything. There will most likely be expansion or growth of romantic suitors (specifically male, since its in Aries), contracts, business, relationships of all type of relationships being upgraded somehow, and in general lots of luck with interpersonal skills. Those with whom I develop close relationships will become like teacher, or enjoy providing protection to me. The ruler sits in the 2nd house conjunct with the Sun, so others will either expand my resources or simply have an influence in it. Since its with the sun, it should be beneficial or empowering.

Alllllriiiight, I shall stop here for now and release the 2nd part at another moment!

[thetruthbehindtheemotions]

Hope

You know when a series of bad things happen in your life and you ask yourself:

Why is all this happening to me? Where did I go wrong for my life to turn upside down like this, overnight? Time doesn't stop every time a problem arises, it doesn't stop so you can get your house in order. You barely solve one problem and others come up, making it extremely difficult to live without being suffocated by all the difficulties you face daily.

But even when everything seems to be crumbling around you, I am there. I am that small flame that emerges in the midst of darkness. I am the one who unites an entire nation and fights for what it believes in. I am the one who makes you fight every day for a better world. Pleasure to meet you, I am Hope.

I don't know if you know; maybe some do, others don't, but I have two beautiful daughters: Indignation and Courage. While Indignation teaches you not to accept things as they are, Courage teaches you to change them. And how did I come about? Well, I emerged in the midst of wars, in the midst of chaos. When everything seemed lost for humanity, and humanity had given up on fighting, I emerged. I started as a small spark, growing and growing until I became what is capable of overcoming Fear, capable of revolutionizing. Because yes! When you are afraid to move forward, afraid to take risks, I am the one who offers you a hand and gives you the strength to never, under any circumstances, give up on what brings you happiness, to give up on fighting. That's how I am: first you take a step, then God provides the ground.

I am among the most incredible feelings and emotions that exist. Some say I am like a phoenix, because just like it rises from the ashes, I appear when everything seems lost, and even when everything is gone, when everything is thrown into the river of forgetfulness, I am the last to die. That is why you must always have hope, because when hope fades, the ability to smile at the future is lost. And when the world says, "give up," I will whisper, "try again."

There are moments that you won't be able to bear, it will seem like you were randomly chosen by life to suffer. When you think things will calm down, you are thrown to the ground and brought back to the reality of life's harshness. However, there is no stopping in the face of the stone in the middle of the road; you must surpass it, even knowing that new stones will appear along the way.

It is foolish to believe that you will find easier paths, without stones or that they will disappear, because that won't happen. You must continue, despite all the difficulties, believing in the future despite adverse circumstances. You must believe in hope. This doesn't mean being optimistic, as the optimist smiles at the future based on something, whereas the hopeful smile at the future despite all the stones that exist along the way.

Every time you suffer from something and stop, time passes along with it, and that is something that cannot be recovered. Therefore, it is necessary to keep breathing, keep walking, because sooner or later, you will realize that life goes on even in your "absence," and you will need to face all your monsters if you want your lives to be written by yourselves, with the falls and failures, the tears and despair, and not just scribbled lines by the force of time.

You will never be able to understand why things happen, because you are finite beings trying to comprehend the infinity of life. But the fact is, you are in life as it is, and this, despite being very beautiful, is like a cold night with rains that come and go. And you will be on the street, without an umbrella, without a blanket, having to face the cold that seems to freeze your spine, getting encouraged every time the rain stops and having to face it every time it returns suddenly. Life is this contrast between everything and nothing, and you are the actors in this play without rehearsals, with a small audience, and an uncertain ending.

What I'm sure of is that, as I said, time doesn't stop every time you try to fix your life, and therefore, courage is needed to live, because only in this way will you be able to turn pain into fuel to transform the obstacle in your path into an impulse for your dreams. Even though the earth may be hard and dry, the roses that bloom in it will always keep my hope of finding a garden.

As long as there is the will to fight, there will also be the will to win. As long as I'm here, there will still be love. With me, you will be happy. With me, you will face the pain. And even when everything collapses, it's up to you to decide whether to laugh or cry, to go or stay, to give up or fight; because you will discover that, in the uncertain path of life, the most important thing is to decide. It's to have hope. Because without hope, there are no dreams. Without dreams, life has no sparkle. And if life has no sparkle, it means it has no love. And without love, life has no meaning.

When everything seems distant, and nothing is happening as you want it to, it's time to find a crack, an escape, and gather the courage for new possibilities to unfold. Having hope in the face of lost situations is for persistent people who insist on better days. Sometimes it's easier to bow down to pain, to stop in the middle of the road and live in monotony than to truly believe in that tiny bit of hope.

Seeing life more naturally, problems with less trauma, and sadness as temporary is better than remaining in agony and pain. It's always better to carry calmness in your smile even in storms, not to anticipate suffering, and to live one day at a time. There is no recipe or formula for this, but I call it hope.

I wanted to give you some advice; keep some feelings, have small reserves of hope, peace, kindness, and understanding, because those who carry hidden within themselves small amounts of what makes them feel good know that it's necessary to endure the hopelessness that chance offers. Always keep hope and love, because in them lies the secret to endure any pain and also the reality of living better every day. There is always a tiny flame of hope, of love, of new beginnings for those who believe they can go beyond and don't see limitations as the end.

So, turn this fear into hope. And from this hope, gather courage. It doesn't matter what happened in your past, just believe and trust in your future. And don't forget, it's never too late to take an old story and write a new ending.

"For every end, there will always be a new beginning. Just as for every fear, there will always be hope."

Débora Duarte B.

Esperança

Sabe quando ocorre uma sequência de coisas ruins em sua vida e você se pergunta:

Por que tudo isso está acontecendo comigo? Em que ponto errei para que minha vida virasse de cabeça para baixo assim, da noite para o dia? O tempo não pára todas as vezes que um problema aparece, não pára a fim de que você possa por a casa em ordem. Mal saem de um problema e outros já aparecem, de modo que viver sem que sejam sufocados por todas as dificuldades que enfrentam cotidianamente torna-se algo extremamente difícil.

Mas, mesmo quando tudo parece desmoronar sobre suas cabeças, eu estou lá. Eu sou aquela pequena chama que surge em meio à escuridão. Eu sou aquela que faz toda uma nação se unir e lutar pelo que acredita. Eu sou aquela que faz vocês lutarem todos os dias por um mundo melhor. Prazer, eu sou a Esperança.

Não sei se vocês sabem; talvez alguns sim, outros não, mas, eu tenho duas filhas lindas; a Indignação e a Coragem. Enquanto a Indignação os ensina a não aceitar as coisas como estão, a coragem os ensina a mudá-las. E como eu surgi? Bem, eu surgi no meio das guerras, no meio do caos. Quando tudo parecia perdido para a humanidade, e esta por sua vez já havia desistido de lutar, eu surgi. Comecei como uma pequena faísca, que foi crescendo e crescendo até se tornar o que é capaz de superar o Medo, capaz de revolucionar. Porque sim! Quando você está com medo de seguir, medo de se arriscar, sou eu quem te oferece à mão e te dá forças para jamais, em hipótese alguma, desistir daquilo que lhe faz bem, desistir de lutar. Eu sou assim: primeiro você coloca o pé, depois Deus coloca o chão.

Estou dentre os sentimentos e emoções mais incríveis já existentes. Há quem diga que até sou como uma fênix, pois assim como ela renasce das cinzas, eu surjo quando tudo parece perdido, e mesmo quando tudo se vai, quando tudo é jogado no rio do esquecimento, eu sou a última a morrer. É por isso que vocês devem sempre ter esperança, pois quando esta se esvai, perde-se a capacidade de sorrir para o futuro. E quando o mundo disser: "desista" eu sussurrarei: "tente mais uma vez".

Existem momentos que não terão como aguentar, vai parecer até que foram sorteados pela vida só para se ferrarem. Quando pensam que as coisas ficarão tranquilas, são jogados no chão e retornam à realidade da dureza da vida. Entretanto, não há como parar diante da pedra no meio do caminho, é preciso ultrapassá-la, mesmo sabendo que novas pedras aparecerão durante a caminhada.

É tolice acreditar que encontrarão caminhos mais fáceis, sem pedras ou que elas desaparecerão, porque isso não vai acontecer. Devem continuar, mesmo com todas as dificuldades, acreditando no futuro apesar das circunstâncias adversas. Devem acreditar na esperança. Isso não significa ser otimista, pois o otimista sorri para o futuro em função de alguma coisa, já o esperançoso sorri para o futuro apesar de todas as pedras que existem no caminho.

Todas as vezes que sofrem com alguma coisa e param, o tempo passa junto e este ninguém consegue recuperar. Por isso, é necessário continuar respirando, continuar caminhando, uma vez que, mais hora, menos hora, perceberão que a vida segue o seu rumo mesmo com a sua "ausência", de maneira que precisarão enfrentar todos os seus monstros, caso queiram que as suas vidas sejam escritas por vocês mesmos, com as quedas e os fracassos, os choros e os desesperos, e não somente linhas rabiscadas pela força do tempo.

Nunca conseguirão entender o porqu�� de todas as coisas, pois são seres finitos tentando compreender a infinitude da vida. Mas, o fato é que estão na vida como ela é, e esta, apesar de muito bela, é como uma noite fria com chuvas que vem e vão. E vocês estarão na rua, sem guarda-chuva, sem cobertor, tendo que enfrentar o frio que parece congelar a espinha, se animando toda vez que a chuva cessa e tendo que enfrentá-la toda vez que retorna repentinamente. A vida é esse contraste entre o tudo e o nada, e vocês são os atores dessa peça sem ensaios, com pouco público e com um fim incerto.

O que tenho certeza é que, como disse, o tempo não pára toda vez que tentam consertar a vida e assim, faz-se necessário coragem para viver, pois apenas desse modo conseguirão fazer da dor o combustível para transformar a pedra no meio do caminho em um impulso para os seus sonhos, já que por mais dura e seca que esta terra seja as rosas que nela florescem sempre manterão a minha esperança de encontrar um jardim.

Enquanto houver a vontade de lutar, também haverá a vontade de vencer. Enquanto eu estiver aqui, ainda haverá o amor. Comigo vocês serão felizes. Comigo enfrentarão a dor. E mesmo quando tudo desabar cabe a você, decidir entre rir ou chorar, ir ou ficar, desistir ou lutar; porque descobrirão que, no caminho incerto da vida, o mais importante é o decidir. É ter esperança. Pois sem esperança não há sonhos. Sem sonhos, a vida não tem brilho. E se a vida não tem brilho, quer dizer que ela não tem amor. E sem amor, a vida não tem sentido.

Quando tudo está distante de vocês, nada está acontecendo como querem, é hora de achar uma fresta, um escape e achar coragem para que novas possibilidades aconteçam. Ter esperança diante de situações perdidas é para pessoas insistentes, que teimam dias melhores. Às vezes é mais fácil curvar-se diante da dor, parar no meio do caminho e viver na mesmice do que acreditar de verdade naquele tiquinho de esperança.

Ver a vida com mais naturalidade, os problemas com menos traumas e as tristezas como passageiras, é melhor do que permanecer nas agonias e nas dores. É sempre melhor carregar calma no sorriso mesmo nas tempestades, não antecipar sofrimentos e viver um dia de cada vez. Não existe receita ou fórmula para isso, mas eu chamo de esperança.

Eu queria dar um conselho a vocês; guardem alguns sentimentos, tenham pequenas reservas de esperança, de paz, de bondade e de entendimento, porque quem carrega escondido dentro de si pequenas quantidades do que lhes faz bem, sabe que é preciso aguentar as desesperanças que o acaso oferece. Guarde sempre as esperanças e o amor, porque neles está o segredo para suportar qualquer dor e também a realidade de se viver melhor todos os dias. Sempre há uma minúscula chama de esperança, de amor, de recomeço para quem acredita que pode ir além e não vê as limitações como o fim.

Então, façam deste medo, esperança. E desta esperança, coragem. Não importa o que aconteceu em seu passado, somente acreditem e confiem em seu futuro. E não esqueçam, nunca é tarde para pegar uma velha história e escrever um novo final.

"Para todo fim sempre haverá um recomeço. Assim como para todo medo, sempre haverá uma esperança."

— Débora Duarte B.

[commongoodtherapy]

Tips for learning ISTDP

Things I find helpful to think about. 

I wrote this as a guide for myself. By articulating these things, it is helpful for me to manage this learning process. I am not successfully doing all of the things I write about here, but it helps me to think about how to learn. I am putting it up here in case it helps anyone else too.

It is written as part of my learning process and is not a “final” document, but an artefact of where I am at this moment in my learning. Learning ISTDP is hard so I try to do a lot to support my learning. 

Here are the obvious tips:

Read a lot, watch videos etc  

Find a great supervisor and get a lot of supervision

Attend training workshops

Engage with the forums, ask lots of questions

Watch your own videos.

Here are some other things I’ve figured out that help me learn:

Accept how hard it is and give yourself a break

Let’s start with a quote from David Malan, written in the foreword to Patricia Coughlin’s book “Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy” in 1996:

In 1979, I had predicted (Davanloo’s) work is destined to revolutionize both the practice and the scientific status of dynamic psychotherapy within the next 10 years.’…the hope expressed in my prediction was destined to be disappointed; this simply hasn't happened. The reasons seem to include, above all, the extreme difficulty of learning Davanloo's technique, with the result that only a handful of therapists other than Davanloo himself can use it effectively. This partly stems from his use and advocacy of a highly confrontational, almost adversarial, style. Although such an approach is extremely effective in his hands, many other therapists do not feel comfortable with it.

In the 1990s there were only a handful of therapists who were doing ISTDP effectively. Despite its effectiveness, it did not bring the revolution it promised, because of “the extreme difficulty in learning Davanloo’s technique”.

The thing is, the experts make it look easy. And if you, like me, read “Co-Creating Change” and thought “I can do this”, you got a horrible shock when you realised you can’t, and from there it’s a long, slow, painful process of trying to learn it, and it feels like all you are learning is how much harder it is to learn than you thought it was. The more you learn, the more you realise you have to learn, and the harder, you realise, it is to learn. And it is important to understand why it is so hard to learn. I will stick with Malan’s words “extremely difficult”.

In terms of the basics - it is extremely difficult to:

a)    Psycho-diagnose accurately

Know what is the correct intervention to apply at each point

Have the confidence to apply the intervention well - especially if it is a confrontational intervention such as asking for feelings towards you; stacking heavy pressures and challenges; or mirroring a suicidal defence.

Accurate psycho-diagnosis is complicated enough. Understanding the channels of anxiety discharge, which defences are being used, the level of ego adaptive capacity, takes a lot of knowledge and skill in what is essentially highly complex pattern recognition. We are attempting to learn to recognise patterns involving multiple variables and a very high level of nuance, in vivo. We are attempting to recognise complex patterns while sitting in front of a patient and attending to them. This is incredibly hard.

Once we have psychodiagnosed, knowing what intervention to apply, and having a script ready is another thing. There are so many possible interventions, and for many of them, using the right wording is necessary. You might have a sense of what you need to say, but finding the right way to say it in the moment eludes you, and so you say it in a way that does not convey the right tone or spirit of the intended intervention. This can be quite paralysing in a session.

On top of that, having the confidence to apply it well is yet another level. Having the confidence to apply a heavy challenge for example, requires a strong belief that it will work. Having the confidence to mirror a PSE requires a belief that you are not hurting the other person. It also requires the correct language and tone, so that you do not communicate sarcasm or lack of care. These things are HARD to know when to do, and hard to do well.

It is hard to know when to listen to content and when to interrupt content because it is defensive. It is hard to do what feels “rude” when you have worked so hard to be “empathic”. It is extremely difficult to un-learn all the supportive techniques that you learned and practiced previously as a therapist.

And even if you psychodiagnose accurately, and do the right intervention and do it well, being able to accurately diagnose and intervene effectively with the next patient response, might be a whole new challenge. To psychodiagnose accurately and intervene with the most effective intervention over and over and over throughout a therapy session is just incredibly difficult.

Think of it: in learning any other thing - e.g. a language; how to play a musical instrument; or how to understand and carry out complex mathematical processes - you are taught the process, and then you practice it. You learn it and then you do it. With learning this therapy model you have so much to learn and so many variables when it comes to the real life situation and applying it. You can never guarantee that your patient will respond the way you have learned to intervene with. There are so many moving parts, and when the application is always in a highly variable, unpredictable situation - our learning tends to be very slow.

Understand how hard this is and don’t expect yourself to get it easily. If you get ONE intervention right - then that is a victory. Be kind to yourself by acknowledging that it is incredibly hard to learn.  

Set Small Goals and Big Goals for your learning

e.g. My main big goal:

Become masterful at implementing ISTDP calmly and confidently and in a way that fits with my personality.

Smaller goals might be for one session, or a day of sessions, or a week:

Pay attention to sighs. Get better at noticing when someone is sighing and when someone is NOT sighing. It is so easy to forget this basic observation.

Focus on getting patient’s will to task  

Focus on regulating anxiety

Focus on pressures to collaboration - inviting togetherness in the work

Focus on explaining the triangle of conflict to the patient

Be braver at interrupting defences

Be braver at responding less to defences such as rambling or waffling

Be braver with doing less when the patient is passive

Be braver with sitting in silence

Be braver with “taking it into the T”

Get better at defining the positive goal and coming back to it

Get better at linking the task to the positive goal

Get better at NOT getting ahead of the patient (being aware of your agenda vs where they’re at)

It is important to set small goals within big goals to have a sense of achievement with the small goals. There are so many things to think about in any session, if you practice focusing on different things you will get better bit by bit rather than trying to do too much at once. This is how I approach it.

Stumbling in the right direction.

My colleagues and I talk about “stumbling in the right direction” - which means we are doing our best to take the work into an ISTDP-informed process - maybe getting a few things right, or even only one thing right, but understanding that we are doing it very imperfectly and that we have a very long way to go to feel competent.

Be brave with new interventions

Learning this model is all about getting out of your comfort zone. If you’re an empathic person and you have done a model of supportive psychotherapy where the main tenet is unconditional positive regard, this is going to be uncomfortable. But you will get nowhere unless you can force yourself to be brave with new interventions, push yourself to try uncomfortable things. The hardest of these, for me, is interrupting. Interrupting someone when they are in the flow of speech, and especially when the content seems relevant, can be incredibly difficult for many of us who have prided ourselves on being empathic listeners. The crucial thing to remember is that we are interrupting defensive behaviours and anxiety, not the “true voice” (or whatever you might call it - when the person is at the bottom of the triangle).

Risk losing some clients (if you can financially afford it)  

This is a really hard one that goes against all instincts of helping, as well as ideas about professional reputation, and financial security. Be willing to take some risks to build confidence and competence. Obviously only do things that you believe will be helpful, but that are out of your comfort zone and might lead to a misalliance and possible therapy drop-out. But understand that you might mis-apply an intervention and as a result there might be patients who don’t come back because they don’t like what you did. Let yourself be ok with that. At least you tried a hard thing and you were doing it in the spirit of helping.

But also be generous with yourself

If you are brave and try new interventions and they don’t seem to have the desired effect, that’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself to keep doing it - just make a mental note that you need to learn more. Focus on being proud of yourself for trying, and having a new problem, rather than on the disappointment that the intervention didn’t lead where you hoped.

Put your energy into the nitty gritty rather than the glamorous parts  

When we see the experts in seminars or workshops we watch in awe as they pressure for feelings that lead to dramatic portrayals and big breakthroughs. That is high level work. They make it look easy. They make it look like what you must do to get results. That may be true for some patients, but it is not necessarily true for all patients, and also it is very hard to do, and you need a high level of knowledge and experience to do it well. Until you are at a level of confidence and competence, don’t stress yourself out by thinking you need to do portrayals or big breakthroughs, don’t even think about them. You can do plenty of work without going for portrayals.

Dont over focus on feelings

It’s easy to think you need to focus on feelings. Sometimes just stay with pressure to will and pressure on defences - stay in the defensive corner.

Get Good at NOT listening to content.

Un-learn your attentive listening skills. When the patient is reporting, monologuing, information dumping, filling you in excessively, telling stories, rambling, waffling - do not engage with the content. Pressure to feelings in the present. If there are no feelings, re-orient to find an internal focus. 

Get good at mirroring defences.

It is a superpower. Understand that it is harder than it looks but worth it to nail it. Get good at staying with the resistance. Not moving towards feelings when there is syntonic resistance.

Get good at recognising syntonic resistance.

Even when the patient declares that they “hate” the resistance, they may not have turned against it. Eg “I want to stop (doing self-defeating behaviour) but I cant!” > SYNTONIC masquerading as dystonic.

Get good at identifying and clarifying defences.

Sometimes you can see a defence clearly and you forget that the patient doesn’t really understand it and therefore doesn’t have any motivation to give it up. It’s easy to skip past the identification, clarification, and clarification of cost. If you skip past these things, and just go to pressuring or challenging the patient to give up the defence, then YOU are motivated for the patient to give up the defence but they are not. You are three steps ahead of them.

Get good at recognising unconscious defiance.  

And addressing it INDIRECTLY. If someone is showing up to therapy religiously and seeming to work hard, but not getting anywhere, there might be unconscious defiance that needs to be addressed before any gains can be made.

IF you get lost

Because you will get lost, often, try to come back to one of 3 interventions:

What is happening inside right now as you tell me this?

How are you feeling right now here with me / how does it feel to be talking about this here with me?

Reorient to the problem/goal to find an internal emotional focus:

>  Eg “What is the part here that you’d like my help with?”

> “We seem to be a bit lost… let’s see if we can find a useful focus so that you can get the most out of this session. What do you think is the problem that you’d like me to help you with?”

> “I think I’m missing something, how does this relate to what you came here to get help with?”

One or more of these three questions should help orient you back to knowing where to go.

Your goal of the session might be to know that you don’t know where you are

If you don’t know where you are, make your goal of the session to find the triangle and explain it to the patient. If you can’t do this because you are confused or for another reason, make your goal of the session to know where you went wrong. If you cant figure out where you went wrong, make your goal of the session to just know that you don’t know where you were and what was happening. There is power in knowing what you know you don’t know. Do what you can to get through the session (use the three questions above) and flag the P for supervision, or have some questions for next time.

Hierarchy of goals:

To know exactly where you are and what you are doing in terms of the CDS and/or patient’s problem, goal, task.

To know what is happening, even if you can’t make the thing happen that you want to happen

TO know that you have no idea what is happening

Tune into your own anxiety

Know when certain patients trigger your anxiety. Try to understand why, and if it makes you avoid doing certain interventions. Then get supervision on that patient and resolve to be brave in your next session, despite how they make you anxious. Usually patients who make me anxious are ones that I know are angry with me, either consciously or unconsciously, and I don’t want to bring that anger to the surface. I want to avoid their anger. Which goes against everything ISTDP. So I resolve to be brave and do the avoided intervention that brings their anger to the surface, knowing I will be working right where I need to be. It will be growth for you. Just stay curious in the face of anger.

Amazing resources

Use the fb peer support group, it is an amazing resource. Look at the videos on YouTube, eg Johannes Kieding’s channel. There is some great material on there.

Supervision

Watch and read a lot, but there is no substitute for good supervision. Sit in on others’ supervision if you can. Record and review your supervision sessions. Find an excellent supervisor or supervisors.

Once again: ISTDP is probably the hardest thing you will ever learn. Accurate psycho-diagnosis, knowing all the interventions, and which to use at any point in therapy AND confidently using the right intervention at the right time, then knowing what to do next, is F’ING HARD. Give yourself a break if it’s taking you a long time to get things.

Acknowledge the gains

Acknowledge the gains you’ve made compared to before you began, rather than focus on what you have yet to master. Here is my vacuum cleaner analogy: if you vacuum a dirty floor and you scrutinise the floor because it still looks dirty, you focus on the unclean bits and the process will seem useless and you will feel despondent and want to give up. If instead you look at the dust compartment in the vacuum cleaner and observe that it is full of dust and dirt, evidence of all that you have vacuumed so far that is no longer on the floor, you will feel gratified and accomplished and motivated to keep going.

Here is a question about doing the interventions that I often ask myself:  

What do I avoid out of lack of confidence/courage, and what do I not know?

You will never learn everything

The thing about learning, is that you cannot take away all the content and remember it. When you read a book, or watch a video, have a lecture, or even have supervision - you will not take everything away from it.  and maybe you get only 5% from the book or video. I have read whole books and taken countless notes and underlined bits and pieces throughout the whole thing. But there is no way I am going to take all of it away and be able to access it and use it. But over time, if I keep reading and watching and listening, I will take something away from each thing and that will build up and build on itself, the more times I am exposed to an idea the more it will get solidified in my mind. The more times I hear something in supervision the more I will be able to do the intervention or to recognise at least that I know to do it. It is an iterative learning process. It is not linear. My first supervisor encouraged a particular kind of intervention so many times before I actually figured out how to do it.

Dont assume that just because something makes sense to you to do that you will know how to do it. When you supervisor explains something, or you read something in a book, or learn it in your training - it might make so much sense and feel so right, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to apply in session. And that’s okay. Just know that what looks easy and makes sense when someone else does it, can be really tricky and challenging for you to do, if you’ve never done it before.

Learning to do new therapy interventions is harder than many other things. Think about it: if you are learning how to cook a new thing, you have your instructions there and you have all the time in the world to refer to your instructions and carry out the actions. And if you are doing it alone, most likely there’ll be no anxiety about it. But trying to do a new therapy intervention is a different story. You are with another person to whom you are giving all your attention and need to be seen as competent and confident. You are on the spot, there are so many variables, and you probably have some level of anxiety about doing a new thing. You have to know the right time to use the new intervention. And then you want to use it with confidence, and get the language and the tone just right.

It is impossible to practice this skill. you can do role plays and skill building but nothing compares to being in the therapy room with the patient who’s responses you can’t predict. I do not think there are many things that are as hard to learn as this, where you are “on the spot” and cannot predict what will happen.

Keep a journal

Keep a journal with Qs and As for yourself and your work and thinking on the journey. Go back and read early entries and notice the progress in your thinking. Self supervisions. Go back and supervise your old self with your new insights and competencies. I find this really helpful. The questions and concerns that I had a year ago I feel so much more equipped to deal with now. I have so much more understanding.

Explicit and implicit learning

It’s useful to be aware of both top down and bottom up learning. From all that you do to learn - watching videos - reading - supervision, etc, some of it will go in unconsciously just through repeated exposure, and some of it you will absorb by conscientiously going over it and revisiting it and applying it in sessions. To this end - expose yourself to a lot of material, and also be conscientious in remembering and applying some of it.

Sometimes you need a word-for-word script for a new intervention

Interventions that you’ve never used before can be complicated and counter-intuitive. When you hear your supervisor, or Jon Frederickson deliver them, they sound so simple. But when it comes to using them, it’s important to get the nuance of tone and wording just right. A good example of this is when mirroring the superego resistance - especially if someone is talking about suicide and their wish to die. Eg “It just feels like there’s no point, all I can think about is wanting to die.” To be in conflict with this statement and try to convince the patient to live, allows the patient to have a conflict with you rather than within themselves. It can reinforce their stance of wanting to die, and therefore is rarely effective. To mirror this, you don’t want to sound sarcastic, or that you want them to die, or that you think they should die. You want them to face the reality of what they are saying and begin to question it and experience an internal conflict. However, it’s important that you get the wording and tone right, to communicate this. If you get the tone and wording wrong you could sound as though you are supporting the patient to commit suicide, which is undoubtedly the last thing any of us wishes to do. Since it is delicate, and counter-intuitive to offer a mirroring intervention, we tend to be nervous about it. In order to feel confident and be able to deliver it, at the beginning, we need the exact words. For this reason it is very helpful to rehearse scripts, so they are accessible when we need them in session.

[deepmochi]

What do you think is the most hardest aspect and placement to have in a astrology natal chart?

Hardest placements to have in a natal chart

Hello, this is my opinion; so take what resonates.

🔗 Mars square Pluto: Agression and accidents can happen, people constantly trying to fight them without a reason; universe give the most difficult challenges during the worst times; the main character of a horror movie kinda situation. Aggressive behavior towards others or themselves. Others want to change them.

🔗 Mars in the 1st house, 8th house, and 7th house: Mars feels like it needs to have all its defenses on all the time. People search fight just because they don't like you, but Mars is the aggresive one?yeah, right. Patience is necessary for these fellows because people don't mind their own business.

🔗 Venus conjunction Neptune: Love can be a trap for them; they fall for every person without realizing that is toxic. Idealization of their partner can be too extreme.

⚠️ Venus in the 12th house: They don't know how to love in real life; they keep searching excuses to hide their emotions, especially love. They search affairs without realizing that it's not fair for them to downgrade their value.

⚠️ Lilith trine /conjunct rising: "the mother or the whore" these people are criticize for everything. Even the "purest" native is critize and called "fake". How they are and how they look are problems for society. People criticize their body or vibes. Self image is an issue that is difficult to heal for them.

⚠️ Saturn retrograde: Many lessons are hard to learn. Life keep throwing things in their way; these folks are just asking "why me?" And they are right. Life is hard. They need to pass the exam and leave the issues behind. But life don't give them too much time for that.

⚠️ Moon in Capricorn: feelings and emotions are another language to them. They are not bilingual; perhaps, they can learn but let's start with baby steps. Maybe, they will learn that crying is acceptable for them and others, before hitting 30.

⚠️ Venus in Virgo or Venus in Scorpio: Love is not a competition, game, test, or requirement for life. Love needs to be cultivated slowly, but these folks see love as an object; they jump without thinking. They fall into extremes: control is not love.

⛓Mercury in Libra: Imagine overthinking everything you say before you speak or after. These folks tend to feel anxiety 24/7. Libra is okay to fail.

⛓Mercury in the 3rd house: Mercury retrograde is really difficult for these people. Everything happens to them. Computer can stop working randomly. They phone just die or stop working properly. Their wifi stop working before sending the essay. The craziest thing can happen. They need to be prepared.

⛓Virgo moon: mom issues are a thing and that's why they cannot cry openly. Self worth issues are present in their life. You didn't have the fault, break this painful path.

⛓Scorpio moon: people see you as the villain, but you keep feeding their perception. Maybe, if you were less secretive and more open, people could see that you are hurting too.

⛓ Saturn/NN aspects: I'm painfully learning to be better; can this stop now? I don't want these lessons. I need to work on myself without feeling lost.

⛓ Cusp signs or close houses: who I am? I feel divided between two different energies. It takes time to recognize you can be in the middle. I'm just me. Imagine people saying isn't possible to coexist. I need to learn to balance my self.

⛓ Jupiter in Capricorn: why should I work so hard? Spending too much time working for a small moment of luck. Learning to be grateful is a talent.

Take care, mochis! 💚