#because they know damn well they won't ever be able to afford them

[here-there-were-dragons]

eh, it's not really *changing* so much as people are just getting more skillfully passive-aggressive and oddly specific about it, and a lot of the people who were big on that sort of thing back then have since either threw a tantrum and left when the eye vials came back, left the game in general just because it was nearly 10 years ago, hoarded all the big-ticked items and got bored because they felt like there wasn't anything else to do anymore, felt like they won and so haven't thought about it in quite so explicit terms in awhile, have gotten bored with the idea and/or the game after it slowly became more and more the case that no one could afford to buy their Rare Collectibles tm anymore and the fever-pitch of "the final mandatory achievement to be a real fr player is to have all the sprites" culture and basically sprite collecting culture in general died off as a result, or have moved from exclusively that to being more interested in a more varied, subtle, and esoteric blend of ways to signal that they're a real, proper, acceptable player. it's a beast that's very much not dead, only lying in wait, and these people would absolutely groggily wake and come shrieking out of the woodwork anew at the mere suggestion of anything happening to one single fraction of a cent of the hypothetical resale value of their precious sprites that even they can't sell or buy anymore and no one but them even cares about ever since we all realized it was pointlessly impossible to even long-term goal for one.

The most frustrating part of the conversation about retired items is that the people who really want to push for more things to retire so that they'll "appreciate in value" don't seem to understand that if there isn't enough supply for the demand, it just means that no one gets anything.

It means that the player selling the Light Sprite for more than what my mortgage is worth...doesn't sell the Light Sprite, because most people can't fucking pay for it. And it means that players who want the Light Sprite can't have it because its only listing is beyond the definition of expensive, or that saving up for years is a race against other people trying to save up fast enough to buy it first. Either way, most players go without.

It means that, with enough retired items, you end up like GaiaOnline. Yeah, there's tons of limited items that may "appreciate in value" but the truth of that...is actually this:

Some of these items have been on my wishlist for a decade.

These items have no value because not enough of them even exist.

GaiaOnline used to be a place where "Questing" for an item was something that tons of people loved doing. Even I did it. I quested for a Fallen Wish back in the day, I quested for Inari's Beads, I quested for monthly collectibles every time one I liked dropped.

Now I'm not questing. Because the items I want simply don't circulate. This is what too many retired items does to an economy. I watched GaiaOnline die this way. Which is why I strongly oppose any retired items in any other site. Flight Rising doesn't need this.

[mahi-does-some-art]

For succubus mahiru au...

Jun: So you have to feed off of sex now?

Mahiru, clutching Kitty Kuro: *Sighs* Yeah, normal human food isn't enough to sustain my body anymore. I ended up getting sick because I didn't know I was transforming.

Yumi: Oh, no wonder you had looked so out of it a while ago.

Mahiru: It was bad...

Touma: Not that I care but the more you grow, the more you'll have to feed. Sucking each other's faces and dicks off won't be able to sustain you on their own soon.

Mahiru: You could at least said it nicely!💢

Touma: No.

Mahiru: Ugh, you're impossible...

Mahiru: I already feel like a leech.

Tsurugi: Haha, it's ok, Mahiru-kun! If you get hungry you can just pay me and I'll–

Touma: Tsurugi, I forbid you to fuck him.

Tsurugi: Wha- HUH?

Touma: I said no.

Tsurugi: But Tai-chan!! When have you ever cared who I have sex with?!

Mahiru: As much as I hate to agree with anything Touma says, I actually agree.

Chuuni3: HUH????

Mahiru: When I feed, I'm sucking the energy out of them and using it instead.

Mahiru: With all the work being done in C3 to help vampires right now, none of you have much time to recover from having your energy stolen like that.

Mahiru: You have too much work to do, Tsurugi, you can't afford it.

Kuro, still being held: Damn, talk about a rejection...

Jun: Rip...

Touma: He'll survive.

Tsurugi: Ouggggg Mahiru-kunnnnn, how could you say that to meee!! Robbing me of a well-deserved day off!

Yumi: You haven't done shit, Tsurugi, you've been slacking off all day!

Jun, nodding: Mhm. Come on, we have too much paperwork to do.

Tsurugi: But I hate paperwoooooork!!!

Touma: Finish that paperwork by tonight or I'm docking your pay.

Tsurugi: EVERYONE'S BEING SO MEAN TO ME TODAYYYYYY!!! MEAN!! ALL OF YOU!!!

-Mahiru and Kuro watch as Tsurugi gets dragged off, touma snuffing out his finished cigarette-

Mahiru:...You think I was too harsh?

Kuro: Nah. He deserved that.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #179

I tried to play Dead Cells again today. And once again, it didn't work out. My attention felt pulled in several different directions, for the sake of trying to tend the people around me; J was reeling from his first overnight at Br's house (changes in routine are hard for him), and there was a friend on the internet who was having a hard time what needed tending, and then there were feelings of being disconnected from me that some folks around me were contending with. Lots of stuff happening at once.

Well. That's okay. It happens like this sometimes. It's the way of things. So we tend the things as best we can. I tended myself with a tea. Today's was an Earl Grey, which is a black tea with bergamot oil. Bergamot is just a fancy kind of orange, I guess. It was really good. I used the last of the orange simple syrup to flavor it; it really was a stellar combination, and I wish I could have given you some to try. But I suppose I'll just have to settle for showing you today's swirls:

J wanted pizza after he returned home from Br's house. So we got pizza. It was just delivery, so it didn't feel like anything earth-shattering to take a picture of for you. But it was pretty good. Pretty good…

I did a lot of leisure writing today. It's usually the thing I default to when I feel like I need to feel somewhat alert to my surroundings. If I play a game, it's a bit too easy for my current reality to fall away such that I fail to notice the things in my immediate vicinity (up to and including my own body cues like hunger and thirst and all that...), and I can't afford for that to happen when there are folks who are in need of my time and attention.

Maybe tomorrow.

Today feels like one of those days in which you wake up and then you blink and suddenly it's 8PM. Time blindness is definitely something I struggle with on a regular basis; it's hard to get anything done when your concept of how time is moving varies from lightning fast to a total standstill and anything in between on a whim. I still haven't figured out a pattern to it. And sometimes it's endlessly frustrating to me that I can't simply zip forward or backwards in time short distances, like for example to do a day over again if I don't feel like I did all the things I wanted to do.

I wonder if you have days like this. This "linear time" stuff, man… I'm not really sure I'll ever get used to it.

Towards the end of Br's visit, we went out for ice cream at a local place that makes homemade ice cream from scratch. We thought that if it's homemade, then surely, Br will be able to eat there. But sadly, somehow their ice cream is not gluten-free (probably as a result of cross-contamination with the pie-flavored ones...), so Br got the soft-serve, which was gluten-free. And that's good.

They have weird flavors like "summer berries" and "banana cream pie" and "s'mores". I tried these ones today. But I have mixed feelings about ice cream; on the one hand, it's very delicious. But on the other hand, I've got a weird body glitch, likely from the autism, that causes my nerves to confuse the sensation of cold for intense physical pain; it takes a damn good ice cream for it to be worth withstanding the cold for.

Hey, Sephiroth? Do you like ice cream? And if you do, which flavors do you like best?

On the way to the place, I got a picture of today's sunset. It wasn't as spectacular as yesterday's, but maybe you'll like it nonetheless; the moon was especially sparkly in the sky today:

Today's letter is kinda short. I didn't do much, and I feel kinda empty-brained.

I wanna ask how you're doing. If you're safe. If you're fed. If you're warm. But I know that you... or the versions of you who are still lost... or what have you... probably won't answer me. But that's okay. Maybe somehow, my question will reach the versions of you who need to be asked. Maybe it'll prompt them to think about it. Maybe if they think about it enough, they'll start trying to make different choices. And if they start trying to make different choices, maybe they can find their way to a more wholesome outcome...

Well. Suppose I'll stop rambling for now, haha.

I love you. Please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write to you again tomorrow; maybe by then I'll have something more substantial to tell you about.

Your friend, Lumine

[mchlgayser]

𓂃⭑ᜊ: SASS ft trent alexander-arnold

𓂃⭑ᜊ an: HELLO! Okay first of all, this idea just kind of popped up in my head but I'm not complaining! Lol I came up with such a great idea *maliciously laughing*

𓂃⭑ᜊ content warning: cursing and bad actions

𓂃⭑ᜊ: @iwritesjud3's masterlist

It was a hot sunny day, a well-perfect day to ruin your mood. To sum up the matter worse, you had promised your boyfriend you would come to his match today, not that you always don't but since you got your ticket booked late you couldn't manage to get the v.i.p benchers.

Not that you mind but ever since you and Trent publicized your relationship to the world and media, many of his fans hadn't take you seriously, you are a rising model star, fame and money are your mid name but what made the fans not very much fond of you is your poorly attitude and nastiness.

I mean, come on you are not that rude and vicious but due to your career, you are always with your resting bitch face 24/7. And nasty? Yes, you are a bit sassy, and you give rude remarks to rude interviewers but that's it, you are quite friendly to your fans but of course, it's the media that always point out your flaws. But do you care? No, you don't give a fuck.

Your relationship with Trent has always been sweet and nontoxic, those who know you both would say that you both have the perfect relationship anyone could ever ask for.

You are always in your 'I don't give a fuck' mode but today since you know you won't be able to be in the v.i.p you should at least lay low, not to attracts attention from his horny fans.

Right now, you are dressed in his jersey with a pair of jeans skirt that stopped right above your knees, you wore a pair of sneakers and even wore his grey cap and a mask. You didn't bother to wear makeup, partially because you wears a mask. You get your purse bag and a few important essentials and left afterwards.

You arrived at the place already on your way to your seat before you accidentally launch with three girls who are also on their way 'Hey watch it!' The brunette yelled, her other friends helping her as she accidentally poured some of the carbonated drink on her jersey 'Sorry,' you apologized, already marching to your seat but she pulled you back, intentionally dropping your cap and ruining your messy ponytail and your hair let loose, you gasped in disbelief 'Hey!'

'Oh my God! Are you who I thought you were? Y/n L/n?' She laughed while her other friends joined in 'God, it is you!' You take off your mask 'What if I am, Gosh just give me back the cap!' She throw it away to the crowds and snickered 'Oh looks like it went missing, sadly you gotta go and search for it.'

'Yeah no shit, the cap went missing just like your father did.' She gasped 'How dare you?!' You throw her one nasty look 'And please, what's the different between your father and your hairline? None, both missing.'

'And you, you got a stink and tangled hair like you bath rain puddle. And you, your laugh sounds like a hyena who just recovered from asthma. You should've thought twice before coming here and roasting me, you bunch of horny hoes.' You sassed, rolling your eyes at them

'And this is why you got so much hate on social medias, I wonder what Trent sees in you anyway! You are so rude!'

You give her a sarcastic laugh 'Who? Me, rude? You started it and please, it's people like you who would crumble down when you get a little hate on the internet, I don't give a damn about what other people said and what you did you said? What does Trent see in me? Probably something that you can't afford having, so peace out whores.'

She went blazing mad, eyes fuming with anger, her two other friends are embarrassed enough that so many people are eyeing them and whispering 'Just so you know, once this shit got viral, I won't be the only one who got the hates, you three will too and as for me it was something that I used to. So I hope you booked a therapist just in case you got depression or something.' You gave them one last look and left for your seat.

-

The match ended with Liverpool winning the game, you are more than happy that your boyfriend got to prove himself again by doing amazing assists and scoring one goal against the opponent team. He found you as soon as the match ended, he mouthed and motioned you to meet him after that and you did.

He was smiling when he sees you, inviting you in for a long and warm hug 'Okay, to be frank, I saw you fighting with three of my fans.' You groan in frustration 'You just had to mock me!' He chuckles wrapping an arm around you to caress your back 'Someone recorded it and it went viral rapidly! They got your convo from a to z.'

You broke the hug and crashed one brow at him 'Really? So it's like my name is clean now innit? I mean I wasn't in the wrong at all!' He laughs harder, pressing his face to your neck 'Multiple people praised you for your quick remarks! I assume they liked it!' You snort 'They better be!'

trentupdates

❤️🚀💬

3,475 likes

trentupdates model @yourusername is spotted on trent's game tonight, she was caught on camera fighting with three fans

view 497 comments

fans1 what she did was 100% reasonable, they were harassing her when she absolutely did nothing wrong

fans2 I love her more for calling them out like that

fans3 replied the dad ones tho 💀💀

fans2 replied ...honestly serve them right

fightingfan2 @fightingfan1 this is all ur fucking fault

[system-startup]

Thank you to everyone that informed me that the fluctuation of my brain function is obvious. I remain shaking off the terror that I won't be able to communicate who I am and what I know well enough, especially to people who have never gotten to see me access Me, but the commentary provides a basis for me to have begun making monumental progress on that front.

I realised for the first time—I wanted to say last night but let's say recently—that my brain had/has the information (non-visual) equivalent of photographic memory. I also realised recently that my nervous system breakdown actually began reaching a head as young as 9, or 10. I remembered this always; I loved to climb, and parkour, and I never had the chance to get fancy with it between people preventing me, punishing me, and then my disabilities. I've always cared about my appearance and if I had it my way I would always be extremely well dressed, though don't mistake me for someone who believes that everybody should be, or that there's only one way to be well dressed—I'm no fool.

Subsequently the loss of access to my brain function, and then my body, and then my capacity to present myself how I want in spite of that, being forced to look pathetic, to not phrase things nearly as well as I've been carefully shaping them in my head for well over a decade, hurts.

I've been on a long, painful journey to mitigate damage, repair it, and grow too. And it's exhausting, and everything has been taken from me but still I get up, still I crawl forward, still my life improves...

I re-define and re-create and re-define myself again to live; in search of the man the suffering sought to burry, to be able to see the man that refused to die myself.

And in the mirror I find him, but still don't fully understand him.

I only know that the light behind his eyes continues to be a lot of work to keep alight. And it's wretched work, so I persist by not doing it for me.

It's all I can do to hope that this great difficulty is seen.

For all the times they (whomever is relevant; dozens directly at least none of whom I could name) programmed me to hide my light, things like viciously punishing me for being brilliant or properly attentive or fast or strong or able to jump at all when such a thing could only be accessed once a month, not allowing me to be ill the rest of it because they didn't understand. Yelling, startling, criticising immediately and interrupting whenever I was too slow at learning anything, like cutting meat and vegetables for the first time until I fumble in panic every time, so I could never learn, and, embarrassed, had to learn "basic skills" at an age I'd often be ridiculed and hassled for not knowing yet, despite never being afforded the chance.

Program: Never show them; it's not worth torture. Don't say or do anything where you can be seen. Hide what you don't know. Don't ask for lessons, not directly. Figure it out, somehow, some way. We can't afford the sanity cost; they won't teach us anyway, they either don't know or aren't kind or patient enough or can't phrase it in a way that we can understand.

It's painful, this fluctuation, for so many reasons. I can share this program only because I'm at the tail end of ripping it out of my system. It'll seem profound still, but that's only because you can't see how far I've come.

I didn't used to speak at all.

To anyone.

About anything.

But by taking the time to see me, to understand me, to not hurt me but to ask questions instead, to give me the room to elaborate instead of spiraling and taking it out on me; you offer me the door to exiting this one, this spiral, that I fell in to far too young.

Thank you again for your honesty, even when it hurts. It's all I've ever wanted.

And, I learn what I do, take the time to learn to speak it, to be able to share it, because I know though the severity of what I've been through is highly unusual, I am far from alone.

And I'll be damned if I've come this far and not contribute my hand to seeing the day that nobody has to suffer like I did again.

But the first step of that, for me, despite my wishes, remains learning to take care of myself, be kind to myself.

And your awareness, and your honesty, and your wisdom, and your intelligence, and what you've learned, and the art you make, and the voice you speak with, and the perspective you hold, the ideas you've found and built, all of it helps me persist, is how I can find a way to survive despite everything.

You give me the motivation and the tools to be alive. You give me hope that I'll be alright. And, I don't feel very alive right now, but I know in a year I'll be a new man.

And I will make You proud.

*You = my friends, kind honest strangers, the strangers I have taught and will teach and continue to learn from, the Earth Herself, the human collective.

[kdm13]

haha this got long sooooooo

so. both of my parents are professional photographers with their own studios. obviously not saying which ones lol. my first conventions were actually photography conventions. fun night (themed party where everyone dressed up and played games for their teams to win a little bull trophy or something idr. my older sister and i used to try to convince the adults to let us play too) and the ice cream social (free ice cream sundae for everyone!) my beloveds. they got rid of them both and can't figure out why they can't get new (young) people to join and i am forever salty. when i was almost aged out of the age range they were going for, they started doing a kid section of the judgement thing and i was able to enter a couple things though. i might have blue ribboned a couple times? it's been close to two decades, don't look at me lol

there were also fun things like "the fancy colored pencils that kids are not allowed to touch" that my mum used for retouching, back before the days when digital photography and photoshop were big. or going with my dad to outdoor shoots so someone could hold the gray card and the reflector. i used to try to make it into shapes while we were walking from place to place. my favorite was this one that made me think of Simba. you know. this thing

he also called me back to the camera room a bunch for the ever important duty of "lean against this foam pillar so the seniors don't knock it over when they lean on it for their picture"

he even forced me to be second camera at weddings a couple times because he wanted me to do them on my own because they pay well. haha no i can't take the stress. miss that kiss and you're out of luck

god i just remembered looking through random negatives with my older sister. i think we may have been sorting them? or maybe just being gremlin children. unsure. we didn't ruin anything though to my knowledge (not counting the bathroom lock we "picked" open too many times using a pair of scissors to get the other to stop hiding in there)

okay fine i just remembered cracking a digital camera view screen when i tried to play fight with my little brother at home and there wasn't a big open area to do so in

i can recognize but not name a nice little number of things that were used for photography back in the 90s and so

also i learned how to use photoshop before paint, and still only really know how to crop and scribble out information i don't want to share in paint. i'd rather use photopea though lol (i can't afford my own copy of photoshop, and the last computer i had it on won't even start anymore and i don't know the code besides, so free browser copy it is!)

oh god that's right! mom entered a picture of me as a kid that made it into this one book that went all over the country! PPA loan collection or something. unsure of the year, but i used to like flipping to that page in the copy of the book my mom had

me as a kid, internally: oh gosh is it really allowed for me to wear boy clothes? even just for a picture? even though it's my mom telling me to wear the clothes?

me now: damn, i'm queer as hell. wish mum wasn't such a weird christian about shit though so i could feel safe around her

i'm just glad she bought me a binder. y'know. for cosplay (which is honestly what i mostly wore it for tbh)

she did dress up as Zorro once though! theme was "disney or what i want to be when i grow up"

i was a fairy. my older sister was Catwoman (and got chased behind a tree by the 101 dalmatians). and my little brother was a Jedi lol

it has occurred to me, as I age, that most people did not spend their childhoods getting simplified breakdowns of class-action lawsuits explained to them over dinner at least once a week

[crypticcodexcreations]

So uh. Hi? Where have I been? Oh, you know. I feel like I should make a post about it, but I really don't know if I'm gonna actually post this. We'll see. Gonna put it under the cut because I know I'm going to get rambly and maybe a little personal.

I guess first things first: I haven't written in months now. Not a damn thing. So that's part of why I haven't been posting. I just. Haven't had it in me to do it. Doesn't cross my mind most days, and the days it does, I fall into the trap of overthinking, just not really wanting to work on anything I've already started, etc. Part of it might just be that I don't do well in winter mentally.

Another thing on my mind has been falling into the problem of discouraging myself for not finishing things. I planned originally to use NaNo as a chance to see if I could actually do it. And then I fell down the stairs and while I wasn't seriously hurt, I was too sore to sit in my chair and write for long enough that all desire to even try was out the window. I get thinking about how a big part of what makes me happy writing is sharing it, and then think about how disappointing it is for some people to encounter a story that never gets finished, and I sit there, and as much as I try, I can't help but tell myself I suck for not being able to finish stories, how I'm never going to get anywhere with actually making these sorts of things a Real Public Thing if I can't just fucking FINISH something. And then I don't want to do it anymore.

So. That's where I'm at. In all honesty, I probably have a lot of things going on in my head, but none of it is diagnosed, and I'm just constantly guessing at what will help, what will work. And... I'm tired of guessing all the time only for things to either not work, or only work sometimes, or randomly stop working. And I think what I need most is to figure out how to just let that fucking frustration out, figure out how to just have fun with being a writer again. And I have no idea how. It might draw me back to Reapers at some point as... Well, Emily is just a younger me. But for now though, I just don't know what the fuck I need, or want, or what will help and I just want to scream. I've never been good at letting these kinds of thoughts out of my head, especially directly to others. I grew up feeling like I had to be perfect, had to have everything together, and it's hard to unlearn that shit alone. It's also hard because I have people around me who I logically KNOW want to help. But my stupid brain refuses to believe it, says I can't afford to not be perfect. No matter how many times people tell me they don't want me to be perfect and handle everything myself and that they want to help me, it just won't go away.

This got kind of personal and raw... I should probably end it here and stop oversharing on the internet... I don't know in all honesty what's going on with me. As bleak as all this probably sounds, it doesn't mean I'm going anywhere. For me, not writing ever again would be like taking a fish completely out of water for the rest of their life and expecting them to be fine. But I also don't know what I need to do next and how to get there. I'm around, even if not posting. Just been too fucked up to do anything, I'll be back. Just don't really know when or how.

[quacksonholland]

It'll be just fine (Part 2)

(Masterlist) - PART 1

wc: 2.5k

Warnings: Mentions of murder obviously, mentions of pregnancy, slight mentions of vomiting, mentions of smoking, very slight mentions of rape, mentions of guns, some angst, LOTS of swearing, typos typos typos typos did I mention typos? and that's about it.

Also I'm sorry I don't know how to write Arvin's Southern accent properly, English isn't my first language!!

Here it is! Part 2 to It'll be just fine! I'm going to try and turn this into a mini-series, so I believe there's still 2-3 parts to go.

(@acekoomboom After 3 long months, I finally finished writing + editing pt.2. idk if you're still interested but I tagged you anyway! <3)

...

"(Y/N)! C'me on, get in, fast!"

You rushed to the car, sat in the front seat and left the beige bag by your feet.

"Got everything?"

"Yup."

"Let's go then." Arvin mumbled as he turned on the engine and drove away as fast as he could.

The fact he had come to pick you up in such a rush, and the guilty look on his face, told you he had done it. He, your shy, sweet Arvin, had killed the Preacher.

"Did you do it?" He knew perfectly what you meant. "Did you kill-"

"YES, he's dead!" His voice came out a bit rougher than what he meant, and he rubbed his temple with a hand, the other on the wheel. "Sorry for snapping."

"It's fine." You offered him a smile, and he didn't even hesitate for a single second to smile back.

"How are ya? And how's, y'know, the little one?" He asked.

Arvin was obviously very nervous. He'd been checking the rear-view mirror to see there were no cars behind them ever since he got out of that damned church. He knew well by being careful. Arvin knew how it would all go down if anyone found out about what he'd done, and believe me or not, he's never wanted to be in jail. Now, though... Now he couldn't afford to go to jail.

He'd leave you and the baby alone. By who-knows-where, with no one to help you out. You are a strong, independent woman alright, Arvin knew. But sadly, it wouldn’t be safe.

If he were alone, it wouldn't be as terrible to go to jail. But now that he was a soon-to-be-father, and now that you kind of depend on him… He cannot afford it.

"I'm good, Arv. Had a bit of morning sickness today. Disgusting. Hate throwing up. But yeah."

"I'm sorry love."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Sorry I wasn't responsible enough, and I got you pregnant, and sorry you're here with me. You deserve so much better. Ya know, deserve a man that'll buy you a bouquet of roses every day, or a man that will be able to buy you anythin'. Instead, you're here with me. I don't know what I did for Heaven to send me such an angel." Maybe it had been because of all the horrible things he had had to go through, maybe that was it.

"Arvin, what are you talking about? You're the best man I ever met. And I mean that. You've got the kindest, sweetest soul, even after everything we've been through. You are so good to me, always so thoughtful. And don't even start with the 'getting you pregnant' thing. We didn't mean to get pregnant, but now there's a baby on the way. I believe it's fate." You noticed he shed a tear, and you smiled softly "I love you. You deserve the world, Arv. You're so strong."

"I love you, darlin'. Maybe you two were the way I've been gifted after all the shit that has gone down in my life."

"I'm sure the–" You were about to answer him when the engine started stuttering "What's that?"

"The engine, I think." He said. He stopped and tried to start the engine again, but it wouldn't get back on "Come on."

Arvin kept trying, but it didn't seem to work "Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"It broke or somethin'. Won't turn on again."

"Shit. Maybe we should stay by the side of the road, I guess? Someone could pick us up."

"What are you on about, (Y/N). Why would we get into a car with some strangers?"

"What else you suggest?"

He hesitated for a good while until he nodded. "Okay. It better be quick though. We’re not safe here."

Arvin got out of the car and took the two bags, putting them both over his shoulder, while you took out a few other things from the car, before locking it. You walked up to him as he made his way towards the side of the road. Your hand ghosted beside his, not actually thinking he'd grab it as he was so stressed out, but he did. He held it before taking it to his lips and kissing the back of it tenderly, big contrast since he was walking furiously at the same time.

"You should sit down, angel" He muttered when you got to the side of the road where you were going to wait to be picked up "This might take a while."

He definitely was true to his words. It felt like you'd been waiting for ages and ages, although Arvin reassured you it had barely been 10 minutes. It seemed as though all the cars, which weren't many, had agreed on letting you two boil to death below the skull-burning sun.

"Darlin', get up! Someone's here to take us!"

You stood up abruptly, and the dizziness that washed over you made you swear.

Looking up, your eyes were set on the car that had stopped right in front of you. There was a scruffy middle-aged man and a blond woman in her 30s, maybe 40s, looking at you two, and something about them didn't feel right. Maybe it was the way the man was looking at you like you were a piece of meat.

The look on his eyes didn't go unnoticed by Arvin, him clearing his throat to break the man's intense glare.

"Morning."

"Where are you two headed?" The guy said.

"Meade, Ohio. You heard of it?" Arvin said. The man took a second to answer.

"The paper-mill town, right?"

"Yeah, that's right." Your boyfriend nodded.

"We're passing right through it."

With the two bags on his arm, Arvin opened the door for you before getting in himself. The car was pretty nice, with some leather seats and an apple scent.

The woman, who was sitting in the driver seat, smiled at you sympathetically. “The name’s Sandy.” You smiled back, “(Y/N).”

“Pretty name for a pretty lady, heh.” The man chuckled and his words sent shivers down your spine, in a bad way. The way that guy was acting felt off. You couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but the vibes he was giving off made you uncomfortable. Lucky for you, Arvin noticed right away, and he reached for your hand, which was something he knew calmed you easily.

“What y’all going to Meade for?” He said.

“Just visiting.” Arvin said, and Sandy nodded,

“Got family there?”

”No, I used to live there a long time ago.”

The man was checking you out through the rear-view mirror. His eyes were hungry, and he licked his lips with his tongue. It truly felt like you were his next meal, from the way he was ogling you shamelessly.

You were honestly freaked out by the man. But then you reminded yourself; it’s just a ride. He’s giving you a ride, he’s helping you, and he’s not going to hurt you. Arvin is here. You’re safe with him by your side.

“Yeah probably ain’t changed much. Little towns never do… Say, how old are you two?”

“Uh, we’re 18, sir.”

“Y’all running away from home? Why’s that, so young? I can assure you you’ll be better off with your folks giving you the money ‘stead of having to work yourself.”

“Carl, don’t suffocate them. They’re running away ‘cause of love, I assume.”

“That’s right, m’am.” Arvin answered. You and Arvin unknowingly shared a thought you’d never admit outloud; we’re definitely not running away because we killed a man or because we have a baby on the way.

“What’s up with you, Miss, cat got your tongue?”

“‘M just- just really tired, sir.”

“Let the girl be, Carl. Goddamn it, always with the dumb questions.”

“I was just asking! What is so wrong-”

You felt Arvin leave a kiss on the top of your head. You looked up at him. He looked so handsome. “You good?” He asked, and you nodded. He eyed you up and down suspiciously, you knew he knew you weren’t actually ‘all good’. But he knew better than to ask you about that at the moment.

Meanwhile, the couple was still arguing.

“Where is it y'all live?” Arvin said, making the two adults shut up.

“In Chesterfield. We’re headed to Chicago, Illinois. We like picking up people on the way, don’t we, hon?”

“Sure do.” Sandy said, without taking her eyes off the road.

“Oh shit… my old billy don’t work like it used to. I'm gonna… have to pull over and take a leak somewhere here. Is that alright by you?” Carl asked, winking at you. Ew.

“Sure.”

The car stopped by the side of a forest as Carl got off and did what he’d stopped to do.

You had to admit the place was beautiful. With the slow, warm sunset slowly kicking out the brightness of the daylight. The water of the lake behind the trees was glistening because of the bright sun.

But once again, something felt strange.

Wasn’t it a bit weird that you stopped the car in the middle of a ride to get into a lost forest and stop there? Was it a coincidence, or did this just look like the perfect situation to commit a murder? Were you being a paranoid or was there some sort of sense behind those thoughts?

You wouldn’t know, but something you’ve learnt with the course of the years is to trust your gut. And your gut is always right.

You felt Arvin tug at your sleeve, and you realized he was pointing at the man’s pocket.

A gun. He had a gun.

You didn’t even need words to express how terrified you were feeling. The frown on your face and the anxiety in your eyes made him know right away. “It’s gonna be okay.” He mouthed.

“Oh, shoot.” Sandy was in the front, trying to light up a cigarette, but it wasn’t really working. Until it finally did. She brought the cancer stick to her lips, breathing out a puff and holding the damn thing with her light-blue nails.

“Damn, that's gonna be one fine sunset. You have to be patient for me while i get a few shots off. Hon, give me the key. Don't you worry none. We've got some hooch in the back, and well… Sandy’s good company.” The man spoke, as he closed the trunk and got closer to you. There was still a gun in his pocket, which he took swiftly in his hands as he approximated you.

You were too close to the man, he had a gun. Arvin wasn’t taking any chances.

“Tell you what, why don't you take-”

Two gun fires echoed throughout the whole woods, making you let out a scream. The man fell to the ground immediately, blood seeping out of the bullet wounds.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit…” Sandy said over and over again. She pulled a gun out of her purse, pointing it at Arvin.

But then, she changed her mind, and she pointed the gun at you.

“No no no, calm down please.” She said.

“I don’t wanna shoot you, but put that gun out of her face right now. Put the fuckin’ gun down!” Arvin yelled.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t wanna shoot you! I-” Before he could finish the sentence, another shot echoed through the empty forest.

“ARVIN!” You screamed.

He turned to you hyperventilating, quickly checking if you had any wounds, which was something you also did “Are you okay? Fucking God (Y/N), you could’ve got shot.”

Because of some miracle, you hadn’t got shot, as Arvin shot her first.

“I’m okay, I’m okay!”

“The woman was pointing at you, I- fuck! We have to leave, right now.”

He checked the car to find some picture of the woman hugging a dead body. That was a picture you did not need to see. “What the fuck.” You muttered.

As Arvin frantically looked through stuff that could be useful for the rest of the trip, you looked at the woman again. Poor her. She actually looked like a genuinely nice person.

“Okay, we gotta go. C’me on!”

Your heart was nearly beating out of your chest as you ran out of the forest. Arvin had the bags over his shoulders, and he held your hand while running.

You were absolutely terrified, having just witnessed how a woman passes away. Having witnessed the sharp sound of the bullet as it was shot. And the way the woman’s face looked… God, you had nightmares assured for the next few months - or the next few years, at least.

A thought popped up in your head. Should you be scared of Arvin? He had killed 3 people now.

No. That is the dumbest though I’ve had today, you thought. It was self-defense. You sensed it too, it looked like that guy was going to rape you, or maybe kill you guys. It was honestly the only way. Anyone would’ve done the same in this situation.

And it is Arvin, after all. He would never hurt you.

It could’ve been 10 minutes, 2 seconds or 3 hours, you wouldn’t have known. All you felt was your legs stomping against the ground, trying their hardest not to trip over all the branches and rocks.

“I think… I think we can stop running now.” Arvin said as he stopped, panting. “You all right?”

“Yes, just a bit outta breath.”

“God, (Y/N).”

“What?”

“You could’ve died, fuckin’- you almost died. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to take you w’me.”

“I’m not going back. I can’t go back, Arvin.”

“I know that, but… What if you stayed somewhere over here? You could be safe. I’m sure someone would offer themselves to… to give you shelter for a while. And maybe after then, you could give your cousins another call and try to stay w’them. I have some money, you could take it… find a job, work for a while, I dunno…”

“What are you on about?”

“I wanna keep you safe. I can’t risk you like that again. Maybe that’s the best way! We’ll find a place for you to stay with the baby, I’ll call every once in a while-”

“Arvin. Eyes on me.” You grabbed his face softly and put your forehead against his. Your eyes analyzed his, darting between one and the other. “I can’t back away now. I agreed to this plan, and now we’re doing this. Together. There’s no me and you, okay? It’s us. We’re gonna go through this together, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re gonna be okay. A’ight?” He nodded weakly, offering you a sad smile. “I love you Arvin.”

“I love you too m’love.” You let go of him, smiling.

“I promise, Arv. We’ll be just fine, really.” You winked at him before his lips sealed your words by closing the gap between the two of you. We’ll be just fine.

[yuujispinkhair]

Gojo knows that most people don't see beyond the fun and arrogant front he puts up. It's the way he wants it, of course. He's doing it for a reason, after all. Always acting like he's above everything. "I'm the strongest." Everything is a joke, nothing is serious ever, and he'll be damned to show you any human emotion. All you see is a smug smirk and total indifference.

He has to wear this mask. He has to protect himself. He was careless once, and it didn't go well. Most people don't know that he feels so much, that he experienced so much pain and heartbreak in the past. He lost his one and only. The one person who meant the world to him, and there was nothing he could do. It fucked him over, nearly destroyed him. And the only way he could go on was to lock everything he felt far away inside himself. Bury it so profoundly and keep himself busy all the time so he won't be able to spiral down to that dark place inside his mind where the dangerous memories and feelings are.

He wears his arrogance and indifference like a shield, so no one ever sees what he really feels. He just can't let himself be vulnerable again. That's why he smirks and jokes around and never dates but only jumps from one one-nightstand to the next. And if his heart ever dares to beat too fast when thinking of someone, he runs. He can't afford to let it happen again. Because he might be the strongest, but there is one thing that can take him down. After all, love is the most twisted curse of all.

And so it's safer to always stay uncommitted, to push people away with his personality, to run from any kind of emotion. Be insufferable, be annoying, be an asshole. He can read people so well, knows what bugs them, and he uses that to make them dislike him. He can make everyone hate him if he wants. Hate is safer than love. Being lonely is safer than having someone he can lose. How convenient that he even has the cursed technique to prevent everyone from touching him.

[jameui]

MOVIE DATE

PAIRING: Hwang Hyunjin x Manager!M!Reader

GENRE: Angst, Fluff

WARNING: Hyunjin being a jerk

SUMMARY: You boyfriend, Hyunjin took you out on a date to watch your favorite movie.

You sighed in exhaustion and as if the world was trying to test you, a fast running bicycle came your way causing you to jump to the side, so fast that you forgot about the takeouts you had in your hands and at a blink of an eye the neatly boxed items fell to the ground, all the food now spilled on the floor with your eyes widening in fear. "Shit!" You yelled out and tried to get back to the restaurant again, but as soon as you got there the line was already long and it'd take you ages to get to the counter to order, again.

You were at your way to your work with your phone squeezed in between your shoulder and ear as you talked to your co-manager on the other line who seemed agitated for your tardiness, while you tried to balance the foods you were made to order. "Yes, sir. I'll make sure that won't happen again." You told the male before the call was cut short when he decided to hang up all of a sudden.

Looking around, you saw a chinese restaurant that had the smallest line, so you went there and bought the food there, even though the orders of the group was not exactly what they wanted for you to buy. You just couldn't go back empty handed.

After a few minutes of walking, you finally arrived at the venue of the fansign event and got there just in time before Stray Kids were called to the stage for their activity to be done, but the moment you got there you saw that the people present were already eating their food away. They noticed your presence entering the room whilst their head turned to look at you. "I... Good morning, everyone." You greeted them. 'Guess their manager got their food delivered.'

You didn't get a reply, except from the group who was more than happy to see that you had food on your hands. "Hyung! Thank God. I was starving." The group's youngest, Jeongin said as he helped you put the foods down on the table. "You're seriously a life saver."

You smiled at him giving him a muttered thanks that earned you a smile from Jeongin. Honestly speaking, Jeongin was the second best person you ever liked in the group, the first being Lee Felix since he was the only person to ever approach you on your first day since he was able to see how much you were so nervous. Felix was also one of the members who taught you korean, the other being Bang Chan. You had always knew the group back then, and now and you were damn thankful that you got the opportunity to be in their circle.

Knowing how young you were to be working for them, they treated you nicely, not because they needed to, rather cause it was in their nature to be caring. Well, at least except one person. You were the closest to Felix who treated you like his personal manager and a friend as well, going out on friendly dates with you to the park, dog cafés, just anywhere Felix would find interesting to visit.

Who's the person that seemed irritated whenever you were around you ask? Why, the one and only visual king, Hwang Hyunjin. He doesn't actually treat you bad, but the way his eyes would always turn dark or displeased when you show up in his line of sight made you feel so small and felt totally unwelcomed. That was then, apparently, since today the male looked a little too quiet and didn't even bother to look at you. Believe me or not that's actually the kindest thing he's done to you.

You would try to go to him to try and talk to him, worried by his silence. You just furrowed your brows and sighed completely aware that no matter how much you try to talk to him he won't even dare to acknowledge you being there for him.

"M/n, are you just gonna stand there? Come and eat." Chan told you, but you just politely declined his offer with the shake of your head before telling him that you had just taken your breakfast and that you were full, more and you feel like your stomach's gonna burst. "Hm, suit yourself, but I'll be leaving mine untouched, so you can eat it when you get hungry, yeah?"

"You're so kind, Chan." You gave him a smile that got Chan smiling also showing his deep dimples that you could just dive in it anytime soon.

"Hey, hey, hey! We've known each other the longest. Why do I still have to call you 'hyung' and M/n doesn't?" Jisung, one of the group's rapper, pouted with folded arms as Chan chuckled before ruffling the kid's hair that Jisung angrily shook off.

"Well, since he's not that spoiled, unlike you." Chan answered Jisung who gasped dramatically. "And he also gained my permission, so—"

"Whenever or not he's around, is he the only person that ever comes into your mind?" That all too familiar voice spoke out, all your heads turning towards the person. He scoffed and stood up with a smirk on his face, probably in disbelief that the whole group was talking to you and always thought about you. "I mean, come on. There's gotta be something else to talk about other than this... person." You felt his eyes look at you while your eyes stared at him with rising anger. "There's sports, other artists, songs, music, so many and you chose to pick him as the topic of your talk."

"Hyunjin, that is very disrespectful." Chan gritted out, but Hyunjin knew better than to listen or to even stop.

"I'm really not, hyung." Hyunjin's smirk grew wider eyeing you with a suspicious look on his eyes. An idea popped in his head as he opened his mouth to talk. "But, if you want to, I could show you how disrespectful I can get." Without any warning, he took the take-out container and bottled drink in his hand and gave you no second to react as he poured all of its contents onto your head with a loud gasp coming out of you. "There. I'll call it a masterpiece even."

"Hwang Hyunjin!" Bang Chan's voice boomed through the whole room a still smirking Hyunjin turning around to face the older male who was fuming with anger. "You—"

"Chan!" You called out to him before things got a little out of hand. For pete's sake their going to just fight because Hyunjin had made a mess of you? You were not even worth the fight. "No. I'm fine. I can just quickly change, that's all. I'll be right back and I better get no reports about you two fighting." You told the two, Chan rolling his eyes.

You got out of the room and ran as fast as you can to the nearest restroom, cleaning yourself as soon as you arrived. Times like this you would immediately bawl your eyes out, but with the constant behavior that Hyunjin showed to you, you grew used to it. Heck, you even sometimes feel that the other boys only act like they liked you being there and when you weren't, they'd stab you behind your back. "Goodness, why won't this get off."

"Need help?" A raspy voice came from the entrance of the restroom, turning your head around to see Felix leaning himself on the door frame with his arms crossed, then untangled them to let his hands rest inside his pockets and stepped inside as you smiled at him. "Do you need more tissue?"

You shook your head at him, your attention back on your stained favorite shirt wiping them clean with the tissues the place's restroom owned. "Nah, there's plenty here. Besides, I'm all dried up now." You said and showed yourself to him, Felix knitting his brows in worry.

He seeped air through his teeth and cocked his head to the side, unsure if you should be wearing that now dirty shirt when you'd be with them during the activity the whole time. "I don't think you should be wearing that."

"Why? It's my favorite sweater." You chuckled half-heartedly.

"Yeah, I know, M/n, but it's dirty. Plus, I think it gets pretty uncomfortable seeing that stain on your shirt and it gets sticky. Yeugh." Felix pretended to barf which got you laughing softly. Felix, though not trying to be funny, whatever he does it always seemed so funny to you.

"Fine, fine. I'll go change, the problem though is that I didn't bring an extra shirt with me today." You told Felix scratching your nape.

"Really? Well, I guess we have to borrow from one of the group's." Felix suggested, but your eyes grew sizes bigger upon hearing that and waved your hands.

"No way, Felix! I have already done enough damage, I can't afford to borrow a shirt from one of the members, or to you even." You told him, but it all fell on deaf ears as Felix refused to listen. "I'm just trouble, Felix. You don't have to worry about me."

Felix hummed with two fingers pinching his chin gently. "Yeah, I don't think so." He took your wrist and started to drag you back to the dressing room. "Come on, I know there's someone willing to let you borrow a shirt." You just sighed, knowing that Felix won't even dare to change his mind when he had already set them on something.

Alas, as you two got there, none of the members even had a spare shirt to let you borrow. They were very willing and even tried to look around if there was anything, but to no avail. Although, there was one last person you didn't ask. "Hyunjin. You were the cause of this mess, you let him borrow your shirt." Felix sternly told the older male who pilled his brows together.

"What?! No way! Are you telling me I'd offer to do something for that guy? No!" Hyunjin retorted making Felix growl.

Felix was so ready to throw punches at the male who didn't seem to be bothered by the situation, but you just put a hand on Felix's shoulder and assured him. "That's alright, Felix. My sweater was thick enough to not get my undershirt wet. Although, I'm grateful for your effort." You smiled at him and sighed.

Just in time, you heard a call from one of your co-manager that the group was already being requested to be at the stage right now. You gave them an encouraging smile as they all did the same. "Alright boys. It's time to go out there and meet millions of your fans."

The group all shouted, excluding Hyunjin, hurray and hurried out to get on stage, you following behind after you were able to discard your sweater, leaving you only on your black t-shirt. You shivered at the cold now that you were left with a thin clothing that wasn't appropriate for the type of weather you were having and not mention that the place was fully air-conditioned.

Your shaking was not too evident, but one of the members, Seungmin, was able to notice it. Feeling pity he made his way to Hyunjin and tried to convince him. "Jinnie, M/n's cold. Please lend him your jacket, at least. He'll get sick if he continues to get exposed to the cold."

"Better for him."

"Hyunjin, please... Besides, you're already wearing thick layers of clothes why not let M/n borrow." Seungmin reasoned out and solemnly knitted his brows to persuade the male, Hyunjin rolling his eyes at his bestfriend and huffed before taking his jacket off of him and handed it over to Seungmin who silently squeaked. "Thanks, Hyunjin." Hyunjin brushed it off with a 'whatever', the younger of the two jogging his way towards you and gave you the jacket he got from Hyunjin. "I noticed your shivering, so I want you to take this jacket and no, you can't say you can't accept it."

You nodded your head at him and took the jacket from his hands. "Thank you, Seungmin."

"My pleasure." He smiled at you with those puppy dog like smile. He skipped back to reunite with his group while you put on the jacket that Seungmin offered you. You were still in thought though how Seungmin was able to convince Hyunjin to let you borrow his jacket. You knew Hyunjin owned the jacket since he wouldn't let them go since the moment you arrived.

You noticed how the jacket was too big for you, since the sleeves of the piece of clothing only let your fingers peek out through the holes while the flaps reached further down your hips, but it totally felt cozy and smelled like... Hyunjin. How do you explain it? You don't even know where to begin. It was him. The reason why you wanted to work with Stray Kids. You didn't want to look like you were some type of stalker, but all you ever wanted was to befriend Hyunjin.

The befriending process didn't go the way you actually thought it would go. Everytime his eyes met yours or you heard his voice you'd get all flustered and so nervous that your tongue always gets tied, the words you want to tell him gets trapped inside your mouth. It all started to be just an admiration towards the slightly older male until your determination to become his friend gradually became an unknown feeling towards Hyunjin, until realizing later that you actually liked the group's rapper, despite all his bad treatment towards you.

Back to reality, you hugged yourself and took in the wonderful scent the artist gave off until one of your co-worker nudged you. "Hey, stop sniffing the clothes. You totally look like a sasaeng."

"W-what? I wasn't sniffing anything." You denied it earning an eye roll. Later, you heard the whole place bursted into shouts of joy and excitement as Stray Kids made their appearance on the stage greeting all their fans inside and outside of the place. They all took their turns taking the mic to express their happiness and gratefulness to their ocean of fans that filled up the whole place.

Soon, the group was seated at a long rectangular table that was a perfect fit letting all the members seat on their respective seats. There were chairs as well settled in front of the table with each settled across a specific member.

You were appointed to keep guard and stand behind Hyunjin, in any case of fans throwing shade at him or any forms of harm or hate towards the member who had just been caught up in a supposed bullying rumor.

The line started to form as people who were present inside the place took their turns to talk to each member and get a sign from them. So far, you could only wonder how paranoid the company was to keep you on guard of Hyunjin when all these people here are Stays and they wouldn't do such thing to throw hate to any members in the group. Right?

The line was still too long to be gone in just minutes making you sigh, hearing your tummy rumble hoping that no one heard that. You now finally regret not eating that noodles that Chan offered you, the hunger finally hitting your system as your tummy continued to grumble. You pursed your lips and forced your eyes closed while you brought your head down in embarrassment. 'Fuck... why now?'

After a short while, the line was starting to get shorter and shorter, you thanking the heavens for the fast passing by of the time. But, the moment you least expected to happen happened. You felt a harsh tap on your legs and another and another after it finally took your attention, getting a little shocked that the action was done by the person who hated you the worst. "Take it before I change my mind." He told you. You complied and bowed at him politely as he tuts his tongue. "Who would even think of going to work on an empty stomach?"

'You... poured it on me?' You thought then shrugging it off before you looked at the treat offered to you by Hyunjin. You wondered what type of bread it was and hesitated, although Hyunjin's back was facing you he was able to sense your hard time on trying to eat what he gave you.

"It's not poisoned, M/n." He whispered as he signed the album that had his photo on it, then looking up at the fan who would like to talk to him.

Their talk wasn't audible to you, but you opened the packaging of the nicely wrapped pastry and bit on it with your body facing the wall so your back was turned against the people to cover yourself while you ate. One of your co-manager did notice your unwanted behavior and stomped his way to you and took the baked good from your hands and threw it to the ground to step on it and crush it good. "What do you think you're doing, L/n?! You're being inappropriate right now." He gritted out to you with a small voice almost like a whisper so no one else would hear you two. You bowed your head subtly before a hand was placed right below your chin as you looked up at him confused. "Spit." He ordered, referring to the food you were chewing.

You nod your head and spit out the food that was in your mouth into his hand while he picked up the wasted food and left, then threw it all at a trash can. "Fuck." You sighed as you held your chest and slowly turned around to face the non-existent line, the group now interacting with their fans.

Just looking at them now, you were able to remember when you were the one who was there seated at the chairs shouting out the name of the person you would call as your bias, which is no other than Kim Seungmin. At least, when you still didn't take the job to be one of the group's manager. Usually, it would only take one manager to manage the group, but why did this group require another one? You questioned yourself. It was all unexplained to you, but all you gotta do was to just be glad that you get to be friends with the people you see as your role models.

"Hyunjin-ah! When did you start trading jackets with your manager?" The question came out as a shout that got everyone laughing, including the group. You were only able to chuckle knowing that it was Seungmin who convinced Hyunjin to let you borrow his jacket.

Hyunjin didn't get to answer the question, when another fan spoke from the crowd that got every fans' attention. "Are rumors true that you don't treat Manager L/n well?"

Chan furrowed his brows and picked up his microphone. "Where did you get this story?" He chuckled trying to make it sound that it wasn't true and just pure bluff. Chan looked at Hyunjin with the face that told Hyunjin that he should start treating you well if he didn't want the netizens to know about his treatment towards you. "Anyways, it's seriously not true."

-----------

A few minutes later and the event was finally finished and the group was bidding their goodbyes to their fans as they started to walk backstage. You waited for them at their waiting room with a handful of bottled waters for the boys to pick up once they get inside. The door soon opened revealing the group with a tense atmosphere following them that got you so confused. "Hey—"

"Hyunjin. If word gets out about your mistreatment to M/n, that would be a serious damage to our image and to M/n as well, 'cause he's obviously in pain because of you!" Chan yelled at the trouble causing male who only rolled his eyes paying no heed to his warning.

"Atleast, I never went too far as to really hurt him physically." Hyunjin deadpanned Chan growling at his response. Your eyes flickered to Hyunjin, then to Chan not knowing what to do in this situation.

"You are seriously being a jerk right now, Hyunjin." Chan fumed in anger while Hyunjin just continued to act deaf and played on his phone. Chan, giving up, sighed and plopped down on his seat. "Ayayay."

They took turns in getting your glances as you thought of a way to calm the atmosphere. You had already been their manager for a over a year now and this was the only time that Hyunjin ever spoke up to Chan and, to top it off, with sass and without the slightest feeling of being bothered. That was the moment you felt like you had enough. You've had enough with all these things. You were tired of yourself to even think that Hyunjin would finally soften up to you and be his friend. You were wrong to even apply for this kind of job. The group wouldn't be fighting if it hadn't been for you appearing in their lives all so suddenly. "Guys... let him do as he pleases. I'll be the one to take of whatever the netizens hear."

Chan raised his eyes up at you with furrowed brows. "What do you plan on doing? Whatever it is don't do it."

You smiled and nodded. "I won't, Chan." You held up the bottles in your hands and turned on a toothy smile. "Water? Anyone?" They all sighed in relief and got their turns in picking their own bottled water, the last one not being picked up by Hyunjin, so you decided to give it to him. You brought the cold drink to his face making him flinch as he looked up at you. "Thank you for the bread, by the way." You told him and giggled. "I've already packed your jacket in your bag." You informed him and patted his back.

The once crazily terrifying atmosphere now turned into a more comfortable one, the one you always would want to see. You didn't know what got you the courage to speak or blurt out whatever you had in your mind, but you looked at Hyunjin and said: "Hyunjin, can I talk to you privately?" Thankfully, their loud voices was able to distract themselves from hearing your request to Hyunjin who sighed and nodded his head. He stood up from his seat and started to move outside of the room. You followed behind closely, feeling intimidated by the month older's tall figure. "Hyunjin..."

"Cut to the chase, M/n. I don't have much time." He told you as you nod your head in understanding and fiddled with your fingers.

"I know, you'd probably like hearing this, but could I have the permission to quit as your group's manager?" You asked him, his forehead creasing that made him pull his brows together. "I was able to notice what the group had become the moment I became your manager—"

"And do you think quitting would change it?" Hyunjin asked you with a raised brow. "If anything, it'd probably—no, it would break their hearts to know that you quitted. If you do so, you're not only quitting as a manager, but as their friend as well."

"And you're able to say that after you purposely tried to have me fired or suspended from work by offering me that bread?" You sarcastically answered, Hyunjin clearing his throat.

"Well... that wasn't my intention. I didn't even know it'd get you fired." Hyunjin replied making you chuckle.

"Yeah..." You replied with a sad smile. "But, I don't wanna be the reason why you and Chan would always fight. Stray Kids is Stray Kids because they're fun and loving, caring. And I don't want to change that by being around the group." Hyunjin never replied anymore and you sighed. "I'm heading back now." You said and as you started to walk back inside, Hyunjin spoke.

"I wish you never entered our life, at all, M/n." He told you that got your heart broken into pieces. Sure, you admitted that he never liked you even just a bit, but him saying it so bluntly to you, it's like he does really mean it and could only care less. You were about to speak when Hyunjin beat you to it. "If so, I wouldn't be able to garner these undeniable feelings I have for you."

You froze. Were you hearing right? You just cleaned your ears this morning, well you do it everyday. Is your ear trying to play with you? "W-what?"

"DAMN! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?!" You gasped with your mouth full of popcorn, your boyfriend, Hyunjin seated beside you at the movie theater. He smiled at you admiring how cute you looked with your shocked expression that was being illuminated by the big screen. "Jinnie! Look, they're gonna kiss! AH!!" As the two actors in the movie was about to kiss, one of the movie's cast bursted out of the door cutting the kiss and earned a few 'oh's and 'I hate you, Chan's. "Chan is such a cock blocker."

"Watch your mouth, babe." Hyunjin told you making you pout.

"It's true, though!" You retorted and Hyunjin could only laugh at your cuteness and honest opinions.

[burntanus]

I don't know what's worse about having chronic pain: a list.

Having to realize and come to terms with the fact that your body, your experiences in life, are not normal

Doctors only ever doing lab work , never any significant testing that can diagnose you.

Being accused of being a drug addict , even though (in my case) you won't even take a damn Tylenol for your crippling aches and pains due to the fear of becoming like your family members.

Doctors yelling at you that you're "not listening" to them , because they did the bare minimum and ruled out minor conditions, so that must mean that you're fine.

Family members and friends trying to relate because they occasionally have a stiff neck after work , and telling you that it'll go away.

Going to the emergency room because you can't walk due to how crippling your pain is , just for the doctor to deny you treatment because you committed the unforgivable sin of becoming pregnant even though you have these issues.

People blaming you for your pain because you "slouch too much" , even though it affects more than your back.

Being terrified of the constant clicking and popping you hear everytime you move.

People not believing that you've had this pain for 10+ years because you "function so well".

Not being able to lay down without feeling like your entire back is being separated, or your hips and knees feeling like they're being ground and twisted.

Not being able to walk without a limp , when a few years ago you could walk "normally".

Being too afraid to use mobility aids because you're "not as bad as others".

Having a constant tremor that makes it impossible to hold anything with the hand is affects, and being scared that it'll affect the other one as well.

Not knowing why your body is failing you.

Not being able to afford or wear proper support braces due to being poor/pregnant.

Watching your husband cry because he knows he can't relieve your pain.

The days where you need someone to help you walk/get in or out of the car.

Knowing you will never be able to run and play with your children like other parents do.

I hope this list has either brought a light to those who didn't quite understand what it's like , or helped those who suffer feel seen. Although our bodies may not be perfect, we are human too and we deserve the help we need.

[lordymaru]

I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. 

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her. 

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

epiphany

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[warnings: death]

word count: 3168

Age: 21 Year: Sep. 2015 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"So I was thinking, godparents," Bucky spoke up. He and Natasha were currently finishing setting up the baby's nursery in their new apartment.

They had found a nice two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, much to Natasha's dismay. Bucky thought it was the perfect place to start their new little family. It was also about a 20 to 30 minutes drive to Bucky's work and University campus. His mom and stepdad had even offered to help them out financially for a bit, just as long as Bucky continued on his path to graduate with his Masters in Music Technology in the Spring.

Bucky had managed to finish his bachelor's and masters program in just the span of 4 years, a whole year earlier than originally planned. He was proud of himself, if there's one thing he hadn't screwed up yet, it was his education. He had fully devoted himself to his education the last four years and it clearly paid off. He had also managed to get a good paying job at a studio as an engineer. He had his whole future all planned out, the pregnancy might've been a curve ball at the beginning but with the help of his family and therapist, he was handling it all so well.

"Oh you don't need to worry about the godparents, I have it all figured out already," Natasha tells him as she folds baby clothes, "I picked Abigail and Dylan."

Natasha on the other hand had decided to put her education on hold. Deciding she wanted to be a stay at home mom, Bucky constantly made sure that that's what she wanted. And she insisted every time that she was "made to be a stay at home mom". So Bucky had to reluctantly allow her to make that decision. 

Which was one of the reasons why his parents had offered to help out for at least the first year or two, they had known their son was already stressing about finances, and trying to respect Natasha's decision. They figured two years would be a good enough time for the couple to build up their savings.

Bucky didn't like the fact that his parents were helping out with money, but he knew him and Nat wouldn't have been able to make it just on is current income alone. At least not until after he graduated, his boss had already promised a raise once he graduated, but that wasn't until May and the baby was due in the next two weeks.  He promised to pay his parents back every cent they gave him, but they told him to just focus on being a good father.

"Abigail and Dylan?" He questioned.

"Yeah," she shrugged her shoulders.

"The same Abigail and Dylan that showed up to the baby shower high, and proceed to get drunk, because and I quote 'babies are so boring'. That Abigail and Dylan?"

"Come on James, they were just joking, plus baby showers aren't necessarily the most fun thing in the world," she rolled her eyes.

"Can we at least each choose one godparent?" He suggested, "You can have Abigail as the Godmother and I can choose The Godfather."

"Like Sam?"

"No, not Sam. Steve," Bucky tells her.

"Oh, then no," she simply said, turning her back to him to continue putting clothes away.

"What's your problem?" Bucky asks annoyed, finally having enough of her attitude, "This entire pregnancy you've been against everything I've suggested."

"Hey, you got to choose Brooklyn," she turned around pointing her finger at him.

"Yeah because I couldn't fucking afford Manhattan Natasha," he stressed, trying not to raise his voice at her, "You didn't want to know the gender of the baby? Fine. You get to name the baby? Fine. You choose the color scheme of the nursery, fine. You choose the hospital. You choose the apartment. God damn Nat, I haven't done a single thing but pay for everything."

"And I thank-you for that," she rolled her eyes.

"But you don't," he shakes his head in disbelief over her reactions, "You haven't thanked me once. I get that you're carrying our child, and I'm appreciative of that. But god damn Natasha, show me some respect. Show my family some respect!

"You didn't thank my mom, Rebecca, or Keith for everything they've done for you. For us. And I can't keep making up excuses to defend you," he raises his voice a little bit.

"If this relationship is ever going to work, you need to be respectful. You need to stop being so selfish. I get this isn't easy for you, but trust me, this isn't easy for me either. But I agreed to do this. I am stepping up. I want to be a part of my child's life. And I want us to be together and be family," he calms down, "But if you continue to act this way. I won't stay in this relationship."

"You're just going to abandon us?" Natasha asks grabbing her belly, suddenly realizing the reality of the situation.

"No, I won't abandon you both. But we won't be together," he explains, "I will always be in my child's life. I will always be there for them. I'm not going to put my child through the same thing I went through growing up. I promised myself I would never do that."

"So if that means that you and I break up, then so be it Natasha, I'll do it," he tells her, "My child will not grow up in a toxic household."

"Okay," she agrees, tears in her eyes, "I promise I will be better."

"Don't promise me Nat, just show me."

Two and a half weeks later Bucky found himself rushing an in-labor Natasha to the hospital, it was a quick k10 minute drive from their apartment. He quickly called his mom as the nurses wheeled Natasha away, with Bucky following.

Bucky's mom arrives within the next 10 minutes, as the nurses begin to prep Natasha in her hospital room.

Bucky sent a quick text to Steve and Sam, letting them know it was showtime and that he'll call them once the baby is here.

"How's Mama doing?" The doctor asked while entering the room, quickly taking her spot at the foot of the bed to examine Natasha.

"It hurts," Nat cried, as Bucky tried to soothe her.

"I know, but unfortunately you were too far dilated when you arrived, that it's too late for the epidural," the doctor softly explains, "But the good news is I feel Baby's head, so it's time to go."

Natasha looked over at Bucky, completely scared.

"It's okay," he assured her, "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay."

He leaned down an placed a soft kiss to her lips, helping her relax a bit.

"Ready?" The doctor looks up at Natasha.

"Yes," Natasha nodded, grabbing a hold of Bucky and his mom's hands on either side of her.

10 minutes later, a soft cry was heard in the room. Bucky quickly glanced over to where the doctor was had finished pulling the baby out.

"Congrats Mommy and Daddy, it's a girl," she announced.

"A girl?" Bucky whispered in awe, tears filling his eyes. He looked over at Natasha, who looked a lot paler in color.

"Nat?" He called out for her.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her limbs went limp, and all the monitors started to go crazy.

The doctor quickly cut the umbilical chord and handed the baby off to an awaiting nurse.

"What's going on?" Bucky panicky asked.

"Get them out," the doctor told a nurse, ignoring Bucky's question.

A nurse quickly escorted Bucky and his mom out of the room.

"She's going to be okay right?" He asked his mom, tears streaming down his face.

"I don't know honey," she honestly said, wrapping her arms around her son. She never thought the first hug they shared after him becoming a father would be like this.

She continued to hold him, soothing him as she made silent prayers pleading for Natasha's safety.

10 minutes later. The same 10 minutes it took for them to arrive to the hospital. The same 10 minutes it took Natasha to bring their daughter into the world, the door opened.

Bucky quickly pulled apart from his mom to see the doctor walking out of the room.

The doctor's face was filled with sorrow. Bucky's mom immediately put her head down, already knowing the outcome.

"How is she?" Bucky asked.

"Mr. Barnes, Natasha had a postpartum hemorrhage, due to issues with her placenta," the doctor carefully explains, "Unfortunately, there was too much blood loss. We weren't able to save her. She died."

Bucky immediately broke down, his mom quickly caught him. The doctor placed a reassuring hand on his back.

He quickly pulled away after a couple of minutes, "The baby. How's the baby?"

"She's good. They took her to get checked just as a safety procedure," the doctor tells him, "She's on the pediatric floor. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yeah," he says, then pauses, "What about Natasha?"

"We can come get you to say goodbye once we get her cleaned," the doctor tells him.

"Okay, thank you," he says.

The doctor takes him and his mom to the pediatric floor. The walk was silent. No one knowing what to say. Bucky was no longer crying, but he felt numb the entire short walk. The doctor knocked quietly on a door, before opening.

"Doctor Monroe, this is Mr. Barnes, the baby's father," the doctor said, before stepping aside to let Bucky in, "Mr. Barnes, I'll have someone come get you when it's time."

"Okay, thank-you," he nodded his head.

"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Doctor Monroe asked, Bucky nodded his head.

"Meet your Daddy baby girl," the doctor said, gently handing the baby over to Bucky.

Bucky looked down at the small baby in his arms. He was instantly overcome with so many different emotions. The doctor walked out of the room, while Bucky's mom watched from outside threw the window.

"Hi baby girl," he whispered, sniffling back his tears, "You're so beautiful. I'm your dad. And boy am I lucky that you chose me to be your Dad. I always imagined this day would've turned out a lot differently. But life sure knows how to throw some real curveballs."

"Your mom would've loved you," he paused, letting it all sink in. His daughter will have to grow up without a mother. No little girl should have to be without a mom.

"I'm so sorry," he cried, as the baby was lulled to sleep, "I am so sorry your mom won't be able to physically be here. I am so sorry you'll have to grow up without her. No one should have to grow up without a parent. And trust me, I know what that's like. But lucky for us, I had the greatest pleasure of being raised by the most strongest and kindest mother. She taught me everything I know. Your grandma is the best lady you will ever meet. Lucky for us because god knows we're going to be needing her a lot.

"But you and I are incredibly fortunate that we won't ever be alone. We have so many people who care about us. You'll have all the female leadership you can ever need. We can do this," he strongly said to the sleeping baby, "You and I. We can do this. And I promise you this, that no matter what happens, you will always have me. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life. My love for you is greater than anything, anyone I've ever loved. My love for you will always be easy and unconditional. You'll never have to prove your worth to me. You're worth more to me than you can ever possibly imagine. I love you."

Bucky placed a soft kiss to his daughter's forehead. The first kiss he will ever give her, but definitely not the last.

There was a soft knock at the door, he gently called for the person to come in.

His mom quietly opened and closed the door behind her, stepping to her son's side.

"She's beautiful," she smiled down at the little baby.

"She really is," Bucky beamed. He looked over at his mom and noticed she was holding a clipboard, "What's that?"

"Birth certificate," she tells him, "One of the nurses gave it to me. They said there's no rush to fill it out. You have time."

"Here, I can do that," he said gently holding the baby out for her to take.

"Are you sure?" She asked, switching with him.

"Yeah, I have a name anyways."

"What is it?" She looked over at the name written down:

Poppy James Barnes.

[flashback]

After that talk Bucky had with Natasha, he noticed a serious change in her attitude. She was beginning to be more relaxed and more selfless. Bucky felt a tiny weight lifted off his shoulder. Hoping that these changes in her personality would stay.

"So what do you think about James for a boy?" Natasha asked one night, as she and Bucky made dinner together in their small kitchen.

"For a middle name?" He asked confused.

"No, his first name."

"Oh," he paused, "I actually have never liked the idea of giving a child their parents' name. I feel like it doesn't really give them a chance to be their own person. If their parent is successful then they feel the stress of always having to live up to that. And if their parent is crap then they're forever stuck with that reminder of that person."

"That makes sense," she agreed, understanding where he was coming from,

"Then how about James for the middle name. Whether it's a boy or girl."

"I would actually really like that," he smiled at her, "I would like that a lot."

They gathered up their own plates, and sat at their small round table.

"So what other names have you come up with?" Bucky asked her as he took a bite of his chicken.

"Truthfully, I haven't found any good names. All the girls keep making suggestions and they're way too out there," she tells him, "I don't want them to have a name that's too hard to pronounce or spell."

Natasha's phone started to ring, Bucky got up to grab it for her from the living room. By the time he handed it over to her it stopped ringing.

"What kind of flower is that?" He asked her, noticing her phone's Lock Screen background.

"The California Poppy," she tells him.

"Why do you have that as your background?"

"Well my mom was actually from California," she says, "She met my Dad when they both went to Harvard. They fell in love, so she decided to stay out here on the East Coast.

"The only clear memory I have from her was all the stories she used to tell me about poppy season. How the color just made everything so lively. Her parents would take her every season. I remember seeing all the photos of her as a child surrounded by all the flowers. We looked a like as children," she fondly smiled,

"She always talked about taking me to go see them, but she and Dad were always so busy. Then she got sick and there just wasn't a way for us to go. My grandparents tried to get some out here but it was too late. I never did get to see the poppies."

Natasha was silent for a moment, letting what she said sink in. She's never told anyone that story before, the memory would always make her sad. But now sitting here with Bucky, pregnant with their child, for the first time in her life her mother's death didn't bring her such sadness. She could smile at the memory and know she had the utmost best time with her mother, even if it was short lived, she knew her mother loved her. And she can't wait to shower that love onto the baby inside of her, once they were out.

"We should go," Bucky says, "Once the baby is here we should go when it's poppy season. Plus it'd be nice seeing Steve and Liz's life out west."

"Yeah, that sounds nice," her eyes teared up, seeing how generous this man was in front of her, "I'd really love that."

"Poppy, that's cute," Winifred smiled.

"Yeah, Nat would've loved it."

"They said if you were ready, you can say your goodbyes," she carefully said.

"Okay, you're good with her?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to go with you? The nurses can watch Poppy."

"No. I'd feel much better if she was with family," he tells her, "I'll be fine mom. I can do this."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Take all the time you need," the nurse told Bucky, as she led him to the room Natasha's body was in.

"Thank you," he quietly said.

She opened the door for him, and he carefully stepped inside.

He walked closer to the body on the bed. He immediately started crying at the sight of her lifeless body.

"God Nat," he cried, "I am so sorry. We never even discussed the possibility of this ever happening. I never even thought of this happening. God I don't know how I am going to ever do this alone. I never imagined myself ever raising a child alone."

He takes a moment to catch his breath.

"She's beautiful Nat, so incredibly beautiful," he tells her, "I wish you would've been able to see her. Hold her. I'm going to make sure she knows everything about you. There's not going to be a day where she doesn't know about her mother."

"When poppy season arrives I'm going to make sure to take her. Every year," he wipes away a tear, "Oh, I also named her Poppy. For you. For your mom. I promise I won't let you down. She's going to have the best life ever. I'll make sure of that. Thank-you for everything you've given me. I truly did love you. Goodbye Natasha." _________________ Age: 22

Location: CA

Year: May 2016

The car comes to a stop, parking in a spot next to a bunch of other cars. Bucky, Liz, and Steve get out of the car. Steve and Liz grab a few things from the trunk, while Bucky gets the smiley baby out of the car seat. Bucky places the baby into the stroller, Steve had gotten out. The three of them began to walk towards the field of poppies.

"Wow, there's a lot this year," Liz says, "Do you want to take her out?"

"Yeah, I'll grab her," Bucky says grabbing Poppy.

He walked ahead of Liz and Steve, taking in the moment with his daughter.

"Look at all the poppies," he whispers to the almost eight month old. She had a huge smile on her face taking in the sight around her.

She was making some babbling sounds, as if to agree with her dad.

The weather was perfect. The sun shining down on them, it wasn't too hot or too cold. Bucky just stared at the flowers, with a peaceful feeling washing over him. The last few months haven't been the easiest, but he was making it. They both were making it. Being here, gave him the reassurance that he was doing good. He could feel Natasha's presence with him there. As if she was silently saying how proud she was of him.

"We're going to be fine," he said to Poppy, placing a kiss on her head.

[darter-blue]

Beautiful Rage

Bucky/Zemo

Explicit - 18+ readers only

Helmut clenched his fists to control the shaking. He hadn't meant… hadn't meant to…

Well. That’s a lie.

He had absolutely meant to upset Bucky.

He should have meant to placate him, to twist him against Sam, to keep his leverage but give them enough information to keep them both on his side.

But there's something about the way Bucky holds his jaw. The way his eyes flash with unchecked emotion.

Something about the heat that radiates off of Bucky when he's angry.

Fires under Helmut's skin like a pulse.

And that little outburst, looming over Helmut, ripping the tea cup from his fingers and smashing it against the wall. The cold fury…

Helmut needs to shake it off. This is not what he's here for. This is not part of his plan…

Bucky's beautiful rage, the way it clouds Helmut's judgements, his fixation on bringing it to the surface, is only going to make it harder for him to finish what he started.

It takes almost no time at all for Helmut’s resolve to crumble.

It takes only as far as their next argument, with Sam gone to speak with his sister, to buy himself some small peace, and Helmut fresh from a hot bath, Buky has been sitting too long on his own. Left too long with his own thoughts.

A well placed attack at Bucky’s restlessness, his currently unfulfilled need to be useful, and Bucky is up and at him in a second.

This time with no one to pull him back.

‘What is it that you actually want from me,’ Bucky says, his face so close to Helmut’s face, Helmut can taste the cherry blossom tea on his breath.

He wants to reach up and taste it for real. He wants to bite at that taste, sink his teeth into it. Into Bucky.

He also doesn’t know how to answer that question.

He doesn’t want Bucky to know that, though he’s taken so long to answer, stared so long at Bucky’s mouth… he might not be able to hide it now.

‘You don’t even know? Do you?’

‘I want to finish what I started.’

‘Kill all of us?’ Bucky’s eyes are blazing. His lips are pursed, his jaw is clenched. It throws his whole face into the kind of chiseled righteous fury that Helmut craves.

He shouldn’t push… he can’t afford to push him too far. He needs Bucky to help him find the others. But he needs… he needs to feed off this rage.

'No good will come of allowing super soldiers to live,' Helmut whispers, and it's not a lie.

'And you? You've done so much good with your life?' Bucky asks, whispered just as quietly, not moving back, not giving an inch.

'I've done what was necessary.'

Bucky’s eyes narrow at that. But he doesn't move. Doesn't respond.

'At least I've always done what I thought was right,' he closes the distance between them, speaks the words right into Bucky’s ear, 'At least I've never rolled over and let my enemies enact their evil through me.'

Bucky’s reaction is beautiful. He flinches at the words as if they've struck him. Helmut can feel him shaking. With guilt, or anger, or fear, he isn't sure.

But if Helmut knows anything about Bucky, he knows it will be some combination of all three.

Bucky steps back but Helmut follows him, reaches up a hand to cup his face. 'Such a perfect weapon, Bucky,' he says, tracing a thumb across the stubbled divot of his chin, 'Do you honestly think you can ever be free? So much capacity for death and destruction.'

'I'm more than what they made me,' Bucky fires back, ripping his chin out of Helmut’s hand, 'I'm more than what you see in me.'

'You might think so-' Helmut starts but Bucky cuts him off, stalking forward and pushing Helmut back with the force of his chest, his expression, his power.

Bucky stalks Helmut all the way back into the wall.

‘You want me to be a weapon,’ Bucky says, sneering now, menacing, as he crowds Helmut into the rendered brick of the kitchen wall, ‘you need me to be a weapon,’ he puts his hands on either side of Helmut’s head, leans his face in close, ‘I’m not the only one of us who’s broken, Zemo, I see the way you look at me, the way you land your blows to hit me so right.’

Helmut can’t move, he can’t find any words to reply that won't betray the mess of his feelings right now.

His breath comes faster and faster, his heart pumping blood to all the wrong places. He needs his head, he needs his mind, he doesn’t need his dick to do his thinking.

He doesn’t need for Bucky to be able to feel how broken he is, that this is working. That Bucky has him cornered.

‘You need me to be nothing more than what they made me, because then you can play with me all you want. Isn’t that right? Then you can break me more, you can push me over the edge, and you don’t have to worry that you are becoming everything you hate.’

‘I am nothing like what they made you,’ Helmut says, breathing faster, harder, his chest rising and falling and pressing up against Bucky’s on every inhale.

‘No, you’re not like me,’ Bucky says, and he smiles. Shark-like. Fiercely stunning. ‘You’re like them. You’re just like Hydra.’

And that catches at something jagged in Helmut, something he knows and pretends isn't true.

‘I am nothing like them!’ he snarls, pushes up into Bucky’s face, their noses almost touching.

Bucky lets him.

He doesn’t pull back. Doesn’t pull away.

He takes his vibranium hand off the wall next to Helmut’s face and he runs it down Helmut’s chest. Then he pushes him back into the wall. Holds him there.

‘You know you are,’ Bucky says, still smiling, ‘and you want exactly what they wanted.’ Bucky leans in, ‘You want to use me,’ he takes his flesh hand off the wall, traces a finger down to Helmut’s waist, ‘want to control me,’ pushes his robe aside and trails his hand across bare skin, ‘you want to own me.’

Helmut lets his head fall back against the wall as Bucky’s hand slips down to his dick. Presses on it, wraps his fingers around it.

Helmut means to shake his head, means to deny it, to lie again. But he can’t.

He wants it so much.

‘You want to own me, don’t you.’ And Bucky bites down on Helmuts ear.

Helmut can’t help the breath that escapes him. The way it drags out like a sigh, like a prayer.

‘You want to fuck me open, make me yours.’

It’s not a question. Bucky knows. Helmut hasn’t hidden anything. Hasn’t manipulated anybody but himself.

And even so, Bucky pulls back to look him in the eye. Raises an eyebrow at him, looks for confirmation.

Because despite everything they’ve done to him, at his core, Bucky is a good man.

Helmut wants to burn that out of him.

It's terrifying how dangerous Bucky is. The raw power, not just from the poison in his blood, but the vibranium in his arm, the force of his rage.

It's terrifying and it's magnificent.

He can't let Bucky get the better of him, he needs to take back his control.

The victory here belongs to Helmut.

He tests Bucky by pushing against his weight, and at first Bucky pushes back, but then almost immediately he relents.

'You okay?' He asks, voice shaking.

And it rings in Helmut’s ears, that affectation, the way he has rattled Bucky. He uses his sudden leverage to press even further forward, and he looks up into Bucky’s beautiful face.

'I'm never going to be okay,' he says, voice calm, using every measurable unit of control in his body to keep still. To keep steady. 'You and your Avengers made sure of it.'

Bucky's face closes over, but his stance loosens further, his shoulders slump, and Helmut seizes the opportunity to push Bucky to his knees.

And Bucky lets him - be it sense memory or innate supplication, whatever the reason - Bucky lets Helmut push him to the ground.

Helmut ignores his hesitation, focuses instead on the storm in Bucky's eyes, the rise of his chin. The way Bucky has made this his choice, even now.

Helmut mimics his movements from earlier to cup Bucky under the chin, takes his other hand and runs it through his hair, grips it hard and pulls, snaps Bucky’s head back.

'Open your mouth for me, like the good little soldier you are.'

And Jesus, Helmut has to swallow down his moan at the way Bucky does exactly what he's told. At the way Bucky opens for him. Never dropping eye contact.

As if this is exactly what he wanted.

Helmut should take that, should let it stop him. Should pause now. Not give him what he wants. But it's too late.

He's too far gone.

And Helmut is already sliding his cock into that open mouth with delicious abandon.

The slick wet warmth, so tight, so sweet, it draws him forward. He yanks at his grip on Bucky’s hair, uses it like a stronghold to keep Bucky in place (though he could never; Bucky is so much stronger) to pull out and then slam all the way back in.

He looks down into those steel blue eyes and catches the fire there. And it spurs him on, to pull out and push back, to slam his hips forward. To fuck Bucky’s face, to own him, and be owned, and throw everything away on the power, and the powerlessness of this feeling.

Of the way Bucky hollows his cheeks to keep that wet heat deliciously tight, an action that only exacerbates the sharp cut of his cheekbones, only intensifies the beauty of his supplication.

Every thrust brings Helmut closer and closer to a complete loss of control. And every thrust feels more and more like tipping over the edge.

'You are mine,' Helmut says, as much to reinforce that idea to himself as to Bucky. 'I own you.'

Bucky doesn't move to agree or disagree. Only slides his hands up Helmut's thighs to pull him closer.

'Oh god,' Helmut cries out, throwing his head back as Bucky sucks harder, as Helmut’s cock pulses. 'So good,' he looks down, pulls tighter on Bucky's hair, 'my perfect little soldier,' and he means every word to be a barb, but they miss the mark so completely. Because he feels it too damn much.

And Bucky… Bucky knows it.

Bucky is smiling around Helmut’s cock as he draws it in, as he takes every thrust.

It's too much. The smile, the fire in his eyes, the warmth of his mouth, the way Helmut’s cock hits the back of Bucky's throat.

The way he can put all of his force into yanking Bucky's newly shorn hair, and Bucky just takes it like it’s a gift.

It's too much. He can't hold on.

He pulls out just in time to feel his orgasm wash over him, to spray come all over Bucky's lips and chin.

And Bucky...

Bucky happily opens his mouth to it. Closes his eyes and accepts it, rapturous.

He chases the mess on his lips with his tongue, wipes at it with a vibranium thumb and sucks it clean.

Helmut doesn't mean to run his hands through Bucky's hair. Doesn't mean to trace a finger down his face, let it linger across his swollen red lips.

'Such a good boy,' he says quietly. And then he bends down to pick up his robe, turns around. And walks away.

He doesn't feel victorious at all.

[ironmandeficiency]

falcon, falcon, goose!

pairing: sam wilson / reader

word count: 3547

summary: there were reports of geese leading people to their soulmates spanning centuries, and it seemed like a cool concept, but why did it have to coincide with you coming out of your writing slump?

warnings: cursing, geese, dumbassery, implied happy au where the avengers get along, iw and endgame who?

a/n: this is an older piece i wrote a couple years ago, decided to brush it up and repost it. and the reader works for snl bc why the hell not? keep in mind that the original was written before everything went to shit w iw & endgame. posted from mobile yet again yall what is wrong w me

it was a sunny day outside, and deciding that you had been cooped up for far too long, you brought your laptop to the park a couple blocks from your studio apartment.

being a writer for saturday night live wasn't always so peachy, what with the lack of a social life outside of your co-workers and constantly explaining your job to confused relatives. you had been in a slump for the past couple weeks, the fact most of your sketch ideas not making the cut for the next episode continuing to throw you off your rhythm.

this week, you were going to change that. Your headphones were playing your concentration playlist full volume and you were hyped to the max. with your laptop on the picnic table in front of you and a warm cup of tea beside it, you were ready to blow the producers away with your next idea.

"honk! honk!"

you felt something nudge your leg, but you were too engrossed into what you were typing to care. after getting through a few more lines, it happened again.

"honk! honk! honk!"

you couldn't hear the sound but the feeling on your leg got a little bit rougher, more demanding. you moved your headphones to the side for a minute and took a moment to look around you. there was no kid running to get their ball back or any squirrels nearby that dropped a nut.

strange.

but you put your headphones back on, trying to keep your groove alive while hoping the interruptions are finished.

"HONK! HONK! HONK!" the goose honked louder, pecking at your leg harder than it had earlier.

you were getting frustrated and a little pissed. the creativity was flowing through your veins for the first time in what felt like ages and this — whatever it was — decided that today was the best day to annoy you.

you kicked your legs out with a strange flail and when you came into contact with something large and solid you nearly screamed.

"ow! motherf- oh my god!"

standing on the ground beside your table was a goose. it honked yet again with impatience (geese could do that?) and nipped lightly at your thigh closest to it. looking to the pond nearby, it was nearly an entire gaggle of the damned things.

so here was this goose honking at you and nipping at you like you were supposed to know what the hell it wanted from you.

"i don't have any bread, dumbass. go find someone else to bother." thinking it would leave if you ignored it, you turned away and continued your work.

"HONK! HONK!" it continued to honk and decided to peck you before flapping its wings, landing itself on the table next to your computer.

"get outta here, ya damn goose!" while you were trying to shop it away, it expertly evaded you. "go! shoo! leave me alone!"

it just stayed over on the bench, expertly dodging your attempts to get it to leave.

a few people nearby had heard your altercation with the infernal bird. one of them was an older gentleman that laughed as he sat across from you, the mirth in his eyes glinting as you give him a sarcastic side eye while trying to deal with the current issue.

"that bird won't leave you alone, you know." At his voice, the goose calmed down and waddled a few feet away from your arm's reach.

that was the first time the thing had been seemingly calm since he showed up at your little table.

"what do you mean he won't leave me alone?"

he pauses, part of him enjoying the irritation in your tone. he remembers someone talking to him like he was to you many years ago, and it made his heart smile at the idea of repaying the favor. "have you ever read about soulmate geese?"

"hey we're gonna go for a run, wanna join?" steve’s offer was given with a smirk. ever since reuniting with bucky, the two supersoldiers found so much humor in doing laps around sam every time they went out jogging.

it annoyed the shit out of him, the "on your left" comments from steve and the newer "on your right" jabs from bucky, but it also pushed Sam to work harder during his runs. ultimately he knew his non-enhanced body didn't stand much of a chance beating them, but he enjoyed when he was able to close the gap between their times just a little bit.

"sure, just gimme a few to eat breakfast and I'll join you guys." the blond nodded and turned back to the elevator, having woken up far earlier than sam and therefore already ate.

he hummed otis redding as he laid the bacon flat into the pan, shoulders moving along with his created rhythm while changing the grounds in the coffee filter. this was how he spent most of his mornings, barring the occasional hangovers and missions where he couldn't afford the distraction.

he ate, got dressed, and told FRIDAY to let bucky and steve know he was ready to go. h had his water bottle in hand, giving his body a pep talk in preparation for the run. they met in the common room and soon, the trio was off.

"on your left!"

"on your right!"

"oh, come on!"

he knew it was gonna happen, but for some reason it felt like it happened sooner than normal. either they were trying really hard to mess with him today, or he was off his game. but regardless, he pushed his body harder than he probably should have because when there was something obstructing his path, he didn't pause. no, he charged it straight on through and fell hard.

steve and bucky had seen this from a distance and immediately rushed to get to their friend.

sam rolled onto his back, exhausted and now in terrible pain from the fall. he closed his eyes and just let it all sink in. when he opened his eyes at the sudden foul smell flooding his nostrils, he could feel the palpitations, thinking he was about to have a heart attack.

"holy shit!" sam sat up like a rocket despite the way his body was throbbing from the fall.

the goose stared at him curiously and turned its head toward the pounding footsteps from the approaching brooklynites.

"sam! What happened?" steve was concerned, inspecting sam while bucky noticed the bird. The brunet bent down to meet the goose eye-level and was somewhat surprised that it didn't run away at the close proximity.

"did you trip the dumbass? was it your fault sam landed on his face? Huh, little guy?"

"honk! honk!"

"i thought so. good job, man." bucky pats the animal on the head gently before turning to help steve get sam off the ground.

"nothing’s broken but there's probably a sprain, can't really be sure until we get to cho." sam and bucky lift their friend from the pavement and they have no problem supporting his weight.

they began the walk back to the tower in silence. well, almost silence. there was a faint pitter-patter of tiny, webbed feet behind them that sam and bucky weren't paying attention to.

steve noticed the goose slowly waddling behind the trio and looked at sam with a smile. sam responded to steve’s happy face with a glare, not enjoying any of the situation he found himself in.

"look behind us, guys."

both men took turns looking behind them and see the goose waddling behind them patiently. sam wasn't particularly happy about the culprit from moments before trailing behind him, but bucky thought it was hilarious.

"do you know what this means?"

sam rolled his eyes because he thought the blond was about to make some sort of poetic comment about one thing for another.

bucky had paused to think about the implications of a random goose for a moment before gasping. "dude," bucky nudged sam softly, being conscious of his friend's injuries. "you’re gonna meet your soulmate, man!"

"a soulmate goose. man come on, are you out of your mind?"

"steve got his goose back during the war, i think we know enough about it."

sam had only heard vague reports of soulmate geese throughout his life, but now that he thought about it, it did make sense. the goose showed up randomly in the middle of his routine, completely throwing him off, and was now refusing to leave him alone.

"well if this is my soulmate goose, then somebody’s gotta tell tony about our newest avenger." they laughed at the implication, viciously eager to witness tony’s reaction to the newest resident of avengers hq.

it has been three days of dealing with your goose, and you were now teased at work as “bird brain”, walking into your office to see several loaves of bread covering the desk. your goose, that you had named piper once you got home, was excited at the prospect of more food, but you planned on donating most of the bread to local shelters, only keeping a couple loaves for the house.

the guest host that week was mick jagger, and he had emerged into the room “i dream of jeanie” style, startling both you and piper, who honked at him in irritation.

it was time for you to work on the song for your little sketch with him, and you had only two more days before performance night (it was thursday) to finish writing it. after settling down and getting into the right mindset, the writing process had begun.

"alright let's see," mick murmured. "let’s all go to the picnic, let's all have a drink. what rhymes with 'drink'?"

you thought for a moment and said quietly, "think?"

you weren't prepared for the absurd response you received from the man, his accent making him round mean as he barked out a loud "NO!" with an unnecessary hand gesture.

piper just about lost it. she was honking and flapping around your office in a tizzy (but staying away from mick because the man was seen as a stranger she wasn't comfortable with).

you racked your brain for another solution, something else to rhyme with 'drink' and you eventually found it: "sink?"

mick thought about it for a moment before replying with a much lighter "yes!" also paired with unwarranted pointing.

‘motherfucker, is this how you write songs?!'

thursday and friday came and went, and soon it was time for your piece to be performed by mick. du to an accidental ankle twist someone else suffered, you were forced to perform a skit live for the first time in your career. it would have been great, but there was one teensy problem: piper blatantly refused to leave your side when it was time to perform, and she would honk and bite anyone that tried to keep her from you onstage.

even poor bobby, who she had grown fond of, was taking the brunt of it. she was not allowing you to be more than a couple feet away from her, and it was almost endearing if you weren't being broadcast on national television.

apparently, piper would also be making her debut appearance on saturday night live tonight as well.

saturday had arrived, and it was sam’s day of rest. he spent the day doing the bare minimum, eating junk food and watching almost everything on netflix he could find.

he didn't stray too far from tradition, not really. it was just that now he had a goose accompanying him the entire time, honking at this and that and eating occasional pieces of popcorn that sam didn't want to share.

he didn't mind his feathered companion, he was actually quite fond of his goose at this point. whitewing (not to be confused with redwing) was the most calm goose any of them had seen, no biting or nipping and especially no honking at ungodly hours of the night.

steve was perplexed. "Are you sure whitewing hasn't done anything bad? no waking you up at night or bites when you don't feed him soon enough?"

sam would chuckle and shake his head, proud to have such a calm goose. "why are you so keen to see him misbehave? aren’t all soulmate geese like this?"

"for lack of a better word, most geese are assholes. i don't know how whitewing is so well behaved," steve balked at the very idea of all geese being so mellow and decided it was story time.

steve’s goose from the century before was the most rambunctious animal anyone had ever seen. he recounted the first and several occasions following where his soulmate goose, jimmy, fended off the blond man's alleyway attackers.

sam was extremely grateful that whitewing had less feral and goose-like tendencies. whitewing was extremely well behaved and had an almost human way about him, the way he honked in reply to sam or the rest of the team when they talked to him.

it was late in the evening when clint decided to plop down onto the couch and flick the channel to nbc, where tonight's host was mick jagger.

"why are we watching this?" sam was enjoying his sitcoms before the other bird man had showed up.

"i haven't watched it in ages, plus mick jagger is on tonight."

"alright, whatever you want."

the intro played like usual, and whitewing was perfectly complacent. they laughed in the right places with the occasional honking from the bird, and everything was great.

"hey man, look!" clint interrupted, keeping sam from being able to hear the punchline. "i think that's a goose!"

"why is there a goose? The skit has nothing to with-"

sam and clint seemed to come to the same realization at the same time as whitewing, the goose beginning to honk incessantly. he was going absolutely berserk, flapping his wings and hopping off of sam’s lap and onto the coffee table, occasionally pecking at the tv where he saw the other goose.

he was going absolutely bonkers.

"whitewing! whitewing, no! calm down!" sam scrambled to calm down his goose, but he was having none of it. the whole entire skit, whitewing was honking and flapping and being a general nuisance.

he found his soulmate.

whitewing kept at it until the screen went to a commercial, his soulmate off of the screen.

"y’know," clint spoke around a slice of pizza. when did he get pizza? "if you hurry, you could go to the studio and meet your soulmate. the show is about halfway over."

before sam could think over the proposition, tony’s voice was heard from the corridor. "somebody shut that damned bird up before I pay ramsay to cook it!"

"i’m taking care of it!"

with that, sam heads to the armory with whitewing on his tail to get his wings. once he's equipped, sam heads to the window and jumps, immediately setting his course for studio 8h and his soulmate.

you’re released to go back to your office once you finish the skit alongside mick and piper, the show almost over. you’re gathering your things lazily, knowing that you have no other responsibilities for the night.

just as you lock your office and piper is waddling beside you without a care in the world, you see kyle running towards you with a look of fear in his eyes. that fear seems to only triple when his eyes land on piper beside you.

"kyle! what’s-"

"there’s another goose on the set! no one is safe!"

wait, was he bleeding?!

you were going to try and help your friend but one look at piper sent him off the rails, the lanky man nearly falling on his ass in an attempt to skid the corner. you hoped that someone would help calm your panicked friend, seeing as you were literally the worst person for the job at the moment.

without further incident, you are able to say goodbye to cecily and mikey before you're stopped in your tracks by michael, who gives piper a funny look.

"wait, so the goose that attacked kyle wasn't piper?" You shake your head in confusion. "dude, your soulmate must have come to the set!"

piper must have either understood what your co-worker had said or she could sense a change in the studio, but she began to honk erratically and run away from you. the last thing new york needed was two feral geese running around attacking people, so you did what anyone would do and ran after her.

"piper! piper, come back!" michael laughed as you chased after your goose. while you were running, you nearly died when you heard a honk that you knew wasn't from your piper. hers were carved into your brain, and you were positive that you could pick hers out of an entire gaggle of geese, so there was indeed a second goose in the studio.

to your dismay, piper did not stop and wait, she just kept on honking and flapping and scaring people in pursuit of the other goose, poor old you having to chase her.

there was another voice you assumed was yelling at his goose since you didn't know of anyone naming their kid whitewing. your eyes were not looking straight ahead when you suddenly bumped into someone, immediately stumbling a bit before regaining your balance.

piper had stopped her honking and that scared you. did someone hurt her? was she-

her and another goose were making muted honks to each other. they sounded like affectionate honks, which is one of the weirdest sentences you ever constructed in your head. but it was true! they were cuddling close to each other and making really quiet honking noises at each other, and if that wasn’t affectionate then you didn’t know what would be.

so if piper found her soulmate, that means yours was-

"i hope comin' to your job was okay. whitewing wasn't gonna give up until I left, so here we are." your eyes were dragged from the touching scene of piper and her special goose to a pair of dark brown irises that radiated warmth and a promise of happy days.

you were absolutely dumbstruck. your mouth was unable to form coherent words, so you decided to take in the appearance of your soulmate. he was wearing a soft grey tee and sweatpants, and socks without shoes. did he realize how unsanitary the streets of new york were?

but upon further investigation, you realize that he probably didn't walk to the studio. on his back was what you would normally call a jetpack, but when you recognize the face your mind completes the puzzle: your soulmate is sam wilson, otherwise known as the falcon. holy shit.

"uh yeah of course, i guess you flew here? no sane person in new york would walk around barefoot in the street." did you really just say that?!

sam nodded and then remembered that he was in his pajamas in front of his soulmate without any shoes. "yeah, he wasn't gonna stop attacking the tv once he saw uh…"

you realized he was asking for your goose’s name, and so you hastily gave it to him.

"yeah, once he saw piper, he went wild. caused more chaos in five minutes than he did in five days!"

you laugh, the nervousness falling away as you recount the story of you first meeting with piper.

people are staring at the pajama-clad avenger and his soulmate, their geese finally satisfied. after all, it wasn't every day so many people were able to watch soulmate geese (and their people) meet for the first time.

sam gently took your hand, his thumb smoothing the skin on the back of it, just listening to you talk. you asked him a question about whitewing and he was in the middle of telling you when he cut himself off. "i just realized i don't even know your name!"

in most scenarios you’d be slightly put off by this, but you didn't have an issue because of the specific circumstances. if he weren't an avenger you wouldn't have known his either, and plus, no one really pays attention to the little rat writers. you give him your name and smile when he introduces himself, his voice even helping show off the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

with impeccable goose timing, piper and whitewing honk at you to hurry your introductions and leave the studio.

"do you want to fly back to your place , or can I drive you?" it was a risk to ask him such a question, but you were genuinely concerned. you hoped he wouldn't think you were trying to jump his bones only minutes after meeting him so you used (terrible) humor to show your intentions. "you shouldn't fly so late at night without headlights, no matter how high up you get."

sam’s laughter was infectious and soon you joined him, your geese about to get more irritated with their humans.

"yeah, I'd like that. lead the way, soulmate." piper and whitewing honk as the two of you head to the lobby hand in hand, the birds waddling behind you just as happy as soulmate geese could be.

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 7

Warnings: None

Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

Monday came sooner than I wanted it to, not to mention I had a test today. A test...that I did not study for. "I'm such an idiot." I muttered, as I reluctantly walked into school. "Maybe if I beg good enough Iwaizumi will let me cheat off him." I say under my breath. I suddenly felt someone lean down and whisper in my ear. "What's this about begging Iwa-Chan now? Naughty L/n-" I elbowed Oikawa in his gut before he could finish. "I'm talking about a test, you horndog!" I snapped. Oikawa recovered from the hard blow. "S-So you didn't study, huh?"

"I bet you didn't either." I glare at him. "Of course I did! Unlike you, I had Iwa-Chan's help!" I gave him a shocked look. "How did you get his help!? He always tells me to study on my own! No wait...we're you actually "studying" or..."

"L/n-Chan! I'm surprised at you!" He could deny it all he wanted, there was no overlooking the blush on his face. Guess I was right about that. "Whatever. Let's just get going." I say while walking, a bit faster to get some distance between me and Oikawa. But of course his long leg ass easily kept up with me. "You know L/n-Chan, if you keep this up you won't be able to participate in club activities." I hate to admit it, but he was right. If I kept failing in my classes, the school faculty will be forced to remove me from the volleyball team. Meaning I won't be the manager or hang out with my new friends as much. I won't get to hang out with Kyotani either...

"Of course that upsets me more than anything else." I think with a sigh. I hurried into class with Oikawa, Iwaizumi was already inside at his seat. "Hey Iwaizumi." I greet him as I take my seat. "Hey L/n." He says back. "Actually on time for once Shittykawa?" He asks, not even glancing at the brunette boy. "Oh hush. I got plenty of beautify sleep last night, so of course I'm here." Oikawa sits down. "Doubt it." I mutter. We all know you were with Iwaizumi last night you liar. "What?" They both ask in unison. "Nothing." I lean back in my seat. "Hey Iwaizumi, can you help me study if I fail this test?"

"No."

"Jerk!" I cross my arms. "Why not?" Iwaizumi looked at me as if I were a child. Great, about to get scolded by a man my own age. "Because you should have taken studying more seriously. You had plenty of time before today. You also had the weekend. What have you been doing?" He asked. I turn away to hide my blush. Like hell I was gonna tell them I was with Kyotani. Oikawa would never shut up about it, and Iwaizumi...well it was kinda like telling your father that you have a boyfriend. Point is, it was awkward and I'm not spilling!

"....I was watching anime."

"Nerd."

"Shut up stupidkawa!!"

"You're starting to loose your touch, L/n-Chan." He smirks. "I could have thought of a way better insult than that."

"So you do want us to insult you?" Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. I groan and rest my head against the window, Iwaizumi and Oikawa's bickering drowning out as I stare out into nothing. 'Might as well accept the fact I'm failing this test. I really should have studied more instead of doing stupid shit. Maybe I'll Kyotani to help me.' My cheeks then red. I didn't know how his grades were, but it was worth the try. Just because he was a punk didn't mean he couldn't be smart, right?

The test had finally ended, and I had just barely passed! But it wasn't good enough, I can't just barley pass throughout the rest of my last year. What happened today was pure luck, and that wouldn't last me forever. I need to take this more seriously, for the volleyball team and for myself. I managed to catch Iwaizumi just before he went inside the gym. I told him I needed to speak with him in private. "What did you want to talk about L/n? Is there something wrong?" He asks, concern lacing his tone. I clutched my bag tightly and spoke with a stern determination. "I'm going to start studying harder. I just barely passed the test today. If I keep this up and fail, I won't be able to be your team's manager anymore. So what I'm asking is..." I look away from Iwaizumi, hiding my embarrassed expression. "Do you...know what Kyotani's grades are like?"

When Iwaizumi didn't answer, I looked up at him. His expression was one of confusion. "You...want Kyotani to help you study? Why?" I bit back a growl and clenched my hands tighter, my face was only getting redder but the second. "Because! The only people I'm "close" to is you, Oikawa and Kyotani! You won't help cause you're busy with Oikawa and Oikawa can't help cause he's dumbass who would only flirt with me the entire time, and Kyotani...well I don't know! That's why I'm asking!"

"Whoa, wait, slow down." Iawaizumi raises his hands. "You're close to Kyotani? How did you manage that?" He asks. I sighed deeply, I really didn't want anyone to know about it. But there's no helping it now. "Me and him talked over he weekend. And, I even went over to his place a few times. So yeah, we're friends now I guess. But I didn't really know much about him, only a little bit really." I fiddle around with my hands, trying to figure out what else to say. "I would like to know more about him. So I thought, why not do that by asking him to help me study." Iwaizumi hummed in response. "I see." He mutters.

"Are you going to take it seriously?" He asks. I nod. "I will. I said I would start trying harder." Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his head. "Then you should ask him. If you and him are friends like you said, I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping you. As for his grades, I don't know about all that." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you Y/n. You really are coming out of your shell, it makes me happy to see you're making an effort." I smile softly and put my hand on his. "Me too. Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure I keep my word. Just wait and see Hajime!"

"I look forward to." Iwaizumi chuckles.

Practice had ended a bit earlier than unusual, the team finished changing and we're heading out. You decided to hang back and wait for Kyotani, it felt a little weird to say the least. Though it shouldn't be, you had just been over to his place twice and met his family. From an outside perspective, someone could mistake you both as a couple, even thought it was quiet the opposite. "I completely get it though." You sigh. You were snapped out of your trance by the locker room's door opened. Kyotani stepped out, school bag thrown over his shoulder. "Oh, hey." He greets once he finally noticed you. "We're you...waiting for me?" He asks. "Uh, yeah." You nod. "I wanted to ask you something." You tilt your head towards the exit of the gym, Kyotani seemed to have understood the message and walked out with you. The both of you walked in silence until reaching the school gate, Kyotani finally spoke up. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"You know how important tests are when it comes to graduating and being able to participate in club activities right?" Kyotani nods. "Well, I do want to graduate. But I also want to stay and be the team's manager. So I can't afford having my grades continue to slip. Eventually they'll be so bad, that I won't be able to do either. So what I'm asking is, will you help me study?" Kyotani raises an eyebrow. "Really? You want my help?" He asks. "I know it's sudden of me to ask, but I really don't have anyone else. Iwaizumi is too busy helping that train wreck of a captain of ours to help me. Not like he would anyway." Kyotani sighs heavily. "I don't know..." You turned to him. "Please!" You grab his hand with yours, Kyotani froze where he stood. "I'll make sure to repay you for helping me! Anything you want, I'll do it! So please...please help study Kyotani." You look up at him, eyes shining pathetically like a sad puppy. How could he say no to that? "Damn it..." He almost wanted to walk away and ignore it, but deep down he knew damn well that he couldn't. "Ok. I'll help you as best as I can. My grades aren't anything special, just so you know." You smiled brightly and hugged him. "Thank you so much! And anything helps at this point!" Kyotani nods and continued walking after you pulled back. "You really are nice Kyotani. Despite whatever everyone else thinks or says. In fact, I'm really glad I got to know you." You couldn't tell how Kyotani felt about that, he was slightly ahead of you, so you couldn't see his face. But unknowing to you, Kyotani cracked a little smile. And he'd never admit it, but he was glad he got to know you too.

Later that night, you and Kyotani were staying up late studying. You both decided it would be best if it happened over at your place rather than his. For two reasons. One, your mother wasn't home, so you had the entire house to yourself for the night. And two, Kyotani insisted that his mother would interrupt every so often because of how fond of you she was. It was down right embarrassing. And he didn't want to deal with that all night. Besides, like this, it would just be the the two of you, alone together. Together with math, really. "And if you solve for x you get?" Kyotani asks, waiting for you to answer. You hummed as you thought hard about what to say. "....15?" Kyotani shook his head. "12." You let out a loud groan. "This is such garbage! How am I ever gonna get this!?" You whine. Why did math have to be such damn complicated, in fact, why did anything involving studying have to be complicated? "Don't know. But you better get it quick before the council kicks you off the team. Now try again." Kyotani says, while writing something down in his books. "How can you be so calm about this? I thought you said your grades weren't anything special. Or was that a lie?"

"No, it wasn't. My grades are pretty shit." He admits. "Then what's the point this!?" Your mind screamed. "But not because I'm stupid or anything like that. It's because I hardly ever show up to class. But between the two of us, I'm smarter than you I guess." You scowl and slam your pen down. "I guess so huh?" You grumble. "Relax. I'm helping you out ain't I? After you do this we can take a break." Kyotani sets a new set of math equations in front of you. "Yeah sure, but before that, why don't you go to class? If you're so smart as you say, then why not just go and better your grades. I'm sure you don't want to get kicked off the team either."

"No, I don't. But my grades aren't that bad yet. So I have nothing to worry about. Hurry up and solve these."

"Not until you answer my question." You say as you cross your arms. Kyotani looked up from the books and eyes you for a moment. He sighs and leans back slightly. "Either cause I just don't feel like going, or cause it just ain't worth the effort." He finally tells you. Really? That was it? He made it sound like it was so much more to it than that. It almost made you angry, you were failing but you actually tried to put in the time to go to class. The only time you've ever skipped class was the one time with Kyotani, and never before or after that. You went to school every day and tried as hard as you could, and yet, you still failed at what he claims to exceed in. He says this and he's not even there! He skips out and still makes better grades than you! And from the looks of it, he hardly ever studied like you. "It just doesn't make sense." You mutter. "What?" Kyotani asks, only for you to shake your head and get back to writing. "Look, I made a promise to the team that I would try harder at this manager thing. And I can't do that if I continue to fail like I am, and as for you? I can tell you have such a passion for volleyball, every time you play, you get this look in your eye. A look that says, "I'm going to be the best at this". But how the hell are you gonna the best at anything, if you keep skipping class and letting your grades slip?"

"What? This a lecture now?" Kyotani eyebrow twitched in a annoyance. "Damn right!" You leaned forwards on the the table and poked his chest, as you spoke with the sternness of a mother who was scolding her child for acting out. "Your grades might not be as bad as mine now, but they will be soon if you keep that shut up! And when that happens, you'll be kicked off the team! And we both don't want that now do we?" Kyotani had to bite back any spite that he wanted to throw your way. You had a point, so he would let you talk. "If I get kicked out it won't be much of a shock, but Kyotani your team needs you. Think of how upset they would be if you were removed because you didn't try your hardest." Your tone began to soften with every word. "I know I would be. You love this sport way too much to give it up so easily. So don't let this chance slip away from you, try harder, do better. That way, you can keep moving further. And who knows, maybe one of these days, you'll land yourself in a really famous volleyball team."

Kyotani was speechless, you were absolutely right. You were right to be upset with him, you were right about him loving the sport, you were right about it all. His eyes tore away from yours, meeting the table that sat in between you both. "Ok." Was all he said. "Ok!? You-" He cut you off before your temper could rise any further. "I'll start going to class more often. But you have to start trying harder too ok? I don't want you getting kicked out either." A smile made it's way onto your face. You held out your pinky. "Promise?" Kyotani rolled his eyes but interlocked his pinky with your own.

"Promise."

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