#because they fucking drive everywhere!!!
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growing up by chicago has spoiled me rotten. i visit any other major metropolitan city and my reaction is always …oh! is that it?
#the only other metropolis that’s ever truly impressed me was tokyo. good god i LOVED tokyo#though to clarify I’m talking specifically about metropolises (and what makes a metropolis good) here#there are tons of cities I’ve been to that are incredibly impressive by other metrics#(Istanbul’s unique location; Florence’s historical architecture; Seville’s food; etc.)#but Chicago is just a truly good CITY. perfect size diverse walkable on a waterfront gorgeous architecture nice people. i love it sm#London really impressed me as a teenager but lost the allure as I grew up (a lot of my moms family relocated there so I went often)#woof#anyway I’m in LA for the first time right now and tell me why it’s like 30 different suburbs shoved together#it’s only my second day so I’m not hardcore judging yet!! gonna let an opinion develop. I get the feeling#there’s tons of good culture here but it’s fragmented and you need to go looking for it#also the wealth inequality is horrifying. they weren’t kidding#it’s SO EXPENSIVE EVERYWHERE#some family friends took us out walking to santa monica pier last night and they had to take a break like 20 minutes into the walk#because they fucking drive everywhere!!!#anyways. i feel like i need to give nyc another chance too but i don't know when i'll get to go#anyways again. chicago sweep. best city in da world.
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you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.
#i’m glad most people are asleep right now so i could write this#i’m just so fed up with all the jokes on his behalf#people are IN PAIN. i’m sick to my stomach#liam wasn’t evil. he was messed up clearly otherwise he wouldn’t have been so intoxicated#man’s it drives me to insanity that these people who ‘stan’ an artist any artist could be so hypocritical right now#you don’t KNOW these people. they are famous and fame is an illness#it fucks up your brain and makes you do shitty things and act in ways people and yourself dont even recognize#EVERY celebrity has done something shitty in their lives and will continue to do so because that’s the price of admission#yes it was serious what he has done and that shouldn’t be swept under the rug but people are more than their worst moments#i feel so sick and dizzy over this. seeing all this shit about him everywhere is making me ill. i wish it would stop#i also feel for maya. this post isn’t to erase her trauma and experience at all. she has every right to speak her truth.#just have more compassion for people on all sides for christ’s sake#where is the humanity#grief#death tw#lp
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I can’t explain how fucking inconvenient a lack of local transport is
#here’s the thing. I’m a 21 year old. I don’t drive. I don’t want to drive. not because I have the expectation that#ppl should drive me everywhere. but because I’m unbiasedly aware I’d be a danger to myself and others if I ever got behind a wheel#ok? ok. that means I’m greatly limited to what a person my age — a person settled into an urban environment- is#there’s no bus in my area. no taxi service. there’s exactly 10 people in my village who have a license. I can’t go grocery shopping.#I can’t run errands. I can’t get issues solved. delivery places won’t deliver in my area because the distance is too big#just. GOD. It’s so fucking frustratating watching politicians— my policitians especially— throw their money on stupid shit#when the community structure is barely holding on to life. so fucking enraged#rant#text
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you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.
#it’s genuinely such a horrifying sixkening thing that they unveil. what was done to the master.#and it’s like. it’s so important that he is awful. he really is. but he still does not deserve to have had this done to him.#the drums are a tragedy that cannot. would not. be a punishment earned no matter how terrible he is.#they’re such a violation of his mind. isolating and constant and violent. and it drives me insane that this is just. in the show. okay cool#ill never be normal again.#they literally pulled his head open. during a ceremony that we. as far as i know. have to assume is not exactly voluntary. and is at the#best of times. already traumatic and horrifying. but they went into that moment and they put the drums in his head and they made him into#something repulsive to them. because they did that to him! in this thing alone the master had no agency and no way out and this thing that#was done *to* him is what makes him. to them. a broken thing now past its usefulness now that he’s done what they wanted him to.#sorry im rotating him in my head again and again. this is the thing that makes him ‘diseased’. it’s that they chose to do this to him. there#is nothing he could do to not be this. he was a child and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. he’s an adult and he’s#doing the impossible exactly like they shaped him to do and he can’t stop this from having happened to him. so he might as well follow the#drums. and then. and then rassilon calls him diseased. and im going to. lose it.#there was nothing he could have done…………..#everywhere else he has choices to make and he can burn the world and keep it as a toy and he can fuck with the doctor and he can do.#anything. anything he wants. but he can’t. there’s nothing he can do to make it stop. there’s nothing he can do to make it so this never#happened to him. and i am spinning in circles here do u see why he makes me insane.#and the doctor doesn’t even really fucking believe him that the drums are real until the master makes him listen……. oh im going to be ill.#doctor who#simm!master#the master
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the moment people stop being comically against courtney is the day i stop making fun of them for being weird and wrong. stop being weird about a fictional character in ways that are hilariously stupid and ill stop calling you hilariously stupid
#people see my posts and vauge post about it saying UM WELL I DONT HATE COURTNEY SO WHY DID YOU SAY THAT#im not fucking talking about you oh my gOD IM SO TIRED OF SEEING IT. sorry i try to be normal but why have discussions around her regressed#like its gotten so much worse WHYYY OH MY GODDD. “omfg courtney fans always jump to courtney haters being misogynists”#no i jump to you being a fucking weirdo for caring so much which makes me raise my eyebrows#i literally enjoy other people having different opinions about characters i like and dislike bc everyone echoing me would be so boring#but people never like her for the valid reasons there are to dislike her and jump on her in crazy fucking ways. BEEE NORMALLL BE FUCKING N#ps talks#jesus fuck i try not to say shit like this over and over and over again because; again; i dont like seeing my own opinions everywhere#i dont want people to see my opinions and repeat it every 5 seconds even though i dont think i have that much influence#its just when i see people posting about my posts saying that im weird for defending a character so hard it drives me nuts bc#it feels like people lost the damn plot so hard. you have to reach so far to think i fucking care if people dislike courtney BECAUSE I DONT#IVE SAOID THIS 5 BILLION TIMES I ENJOY SEEING CHARACTERS IN DIFFERENT LIGHT. AS LONG AS YOUR OPINION ISNT FUCKING WEIRD#sorry im getting so annoyed i need to go to sleep i havent eaten anything in like 20 hours
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binghe is literally just whiny, dramatic, and lazy. like. the abyss is a BREEZE compared to going grocery shopping
#grocery shopping when everything fits into a tote bag: yay :3 yippie ^w^#grocery shopping when you need to get a paper bag: this time i'm really gonna do it#especially since the reason why it was so heavy was because i bought FLOUR and CHEESE#what am i a fucking MEDIEVAL PEASANT#ugh i hate walkable cities i wish i was an american driving a ford f150 everywhere#lbh#svsss#miao
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i don’t have a single device for which the charger works perfectly and not to sound like a boomer but i feel like that is. pretty indicative of Where We’re At Technologically
#mine#phone needs a Specific Angle and it’s not a cord problem bc it does this with literally 4 different cords#ereader is on such a lag that it takes 6 minutes to realize it’s actually been plugged in#laptop is just. fucked up#it’s become a hassle to use literally anything#and yet. this is what we’re supposed to prefer#the thing that drives me crazy is that we’re all supposed to use these different devices for everything#and no one cares about the quality#my laptop charger died last week. it feels impossible to find a replacement#i found a refurbished one and it doesn’t actually work#guess im going to have to spend $50 to buy the Officially Licensed Replacement Cord#and with my ereader. i literally don’t know what the problem is#i barely use it#i think it’s just Because i barely use it so it wastes the battery on the screensaver bc it’s like. impossible to completely turn it off#so when i don’t touch it for 4 months it’s actually super duper dead when i plug it in#which is. i’m gonna be honest. equally annoying#my switch is the only thing that actually works and even that’s on its second cord in three years#it’s just. planned obsolescence is EVERYWHERE#all of these devices still feel brand new to me. and yet
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green hills population: 1981
my home town population: 1673 (according to 2021 census)
I'm gonna be uhhh. egotistical isnt the word I'm looking for. whatever I like to think that I am a little bit of an authority on what small rural towns *can* be like, and as much as I like the idea of sonic getting to be involved in the community and openly existing or even going to school. I just cant picture it. king would be suffocating
#SORRYYYYY GOT THE MOVIES ON THE BRAIN#i see so many fics where green hills is this lovely little town and everyone is so so nice and sonic goes to school and its never a problem#head in my hands#and not just sonic fandom. small country towns are sooo romantised everywhere and it drives me a little insane#im not saying theyre all the absolute worst. just. theyre not automatically better or have less problems just because its in the country#and has less people#STRONG THOUGHTS ON SMALL COUNTRY TOWNS#and sonic is still officially hiding from the government and small town people are the nosiest fucking bitches#IDK SORRY. DELETE LATER MAYBE i keep rambling on about it#egg.txt
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#okay driving through my town post WHATEVER the fuck that storm was#my town is currently in fucking ruins!! theres trees and huge branches down literally everywhere#i almost was like i might not be able to make it home because so much stuff was down and covering the road#but i made it#that was the first time ive left my house to go on a walk in over a year#omg also everyone has lost their furniture im seeing shit everywhere#it literally was like a little hurricane happened#when i was trying to run back yo my car sometimes i couldnt move because the winds were so strong#and now its light and sunny out again#im going to post some photos from right before the storm hit when it got so dark out
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Very happy I'm going back to therapy next week
#im so fucking tired of this bullshit#i cried for myself abt all the pain and abuse i went through today on the drive home and i realized that i keep trying to pretend like ive#healed but i havent and im still very wounded from the whole experience#his family apologizing didnt help that aspect of the complicated feelings at all#like ill never ger an actual apology from him. never#and BECAUSE OF HIM im fucking terrified to emotionally open up to people in the way i desperately need to bc of how much i was gaslit and#fucking manipulated and emotionally tormented and blamed for it. i want to be able to actually process my heavy emotions and talk it through#with someone so i dont have to go through it all alone#and im scared. im terrified of it#i have been irreversibly scared and it hurts#i keep pretending like my abuse is something ive healed from and even now i doubt if it actually ever was#and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere#im#im just tired#i want to cry and be held afterwards#havent i at least earned that much?#cant i please just be held?
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The only solace in this over stimulated HELL is that I got more videos done.
But doesn't make me wanna bite off someone's face any less.
#i'm just so frustrated right now#repetitive noises drive me up a fucking wall#and coughing is worse because they're just projectile vomiting germs fucking everywhere
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#ive changed my mind the english were right for brexit actually this is driving me up the wall#'countries outside of the au' aka everywhere ive ever ordered something from online because who the fuck in the eu makes the shit i want#to buy!!!#GROANS
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one of the things that really fkn annoys me is people tagging stuff with random unrelated tags (usually that are trending) to get a "wider reach" like shut the fuck up dude. you are not gonna get more notes you're gonna annoy people because they're trying to look at something completely different and now your stupid posts are clogging up the tag with bullshit
#drives me fucking psycho#and i include palestine posts because its one thing reposting fundraisers for your followers to increase donations#i support that !!#but i dont have the emotional capacity to see it fucking everywhere#ESPECIALLY when im trying to look at the tag of some comfort media because im feeling like shit#youre not helping by spam tagging !!! youre just ruining someones day because half of the point of tumblr is the tag system#just use the website correctly or fuck off#and i know you can block the tag but when youre scrolling through a different tag the post will still come up just with the warning#so it barely makes a difference !!!!#just use the fucking website like how it was specifically designed to be used#its not hard guys#hi its me
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public transit... *collapses to the floor*
#rich ppl have a disdain for it and it's so nonexistent in white suburbia but then you go to where rich people vacation.#public transit is so good at where they have vacation. free shuttles every 10 20 minutes. free! free!!!#I'm struggling to put the words together to make myself sound coherent but ultimately it's hypocrisy of the upper class#it's probably a bigger issue than just that really. obviously policy is not entirely dictated by individual and idk#it's just rahhh i wish public transit was like that everywhere! buses to go around towns! subways connecting towns! and cheap!! free even!!#there's also the issue of the loss of public spaces and loss of the concept of public in general#the other day there were kids screaming obscene stuff on the train for a whole 30 minutes. ppl were annoyed and everything#but one person's defense of their behavior on the train was dude you're taking public transit. and idk why that's. idk.#is a respectful peaceful transit also now a privilege only the rich can enjoy? only if you can afford a car and parking in the city?#the argument is that precisely because it's a public space that we all benefit from we have the duty to respect and protect it#because if the public space is uninhabitable then that's when inequality grows very apparent#you have to maintain it for the sake of everyone but especially those who might not want to or can't access the private#these kids themselves can't drive a car. if the public transit was hostile to them what other choice do they have for commute?#it's a failure of our society and education that we don't understand how important it is to protect the public spaces#by ridding of the public it's a fuck you to the children the elderly the poor the disabled or anyone caught in an unfortunate circumstance#twist your ankle accidentally? sucks for you. there are no benches here. to sit you must go buy a drink at a cafe.#car broke down? too bad. take an expensive uber to work because the public transit is broken down#having good public facilities is a safety net against drastic inequality and even then we don't have it done well enough#but societal issues take time to fix and I'd like to hope it's going in a better direction
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im going 2 have wasted all my money again arent i -_
#egg.txt#i cant go out & buy bigger things so i have to order them to my house.... bc i cant drive...#but literally EVERYWHERE. uses yodel & evri#but i paid extra for delivery for today cuz im gonna be in and tomorrow like i have non refundable tickets#but they havent delivered it today...#and every single other time this has happened theyve no joke thrown shit into my yard without any notification#ive had like several things ruined already and im kind of freaking it because i put in a big order with fragile stuff#and its like last time#this happened i had to spend a whole weekend bussing back and forth to take broken pieces back to the shops#like theyve chucked boxes that have said fragile all over them into my yard and obviously all my stuff smashed#theyve dumped my fucking parcels behind my bins and ive not found them for like a week and theyve been soaked#(those would be second hand items i could not return & were wrecked)#and theres no way to reschedule it eitherrrr ughhhhghgh#its like i feel like such an asshole. i know theyre the cheap option cuz they fucking run their drivers into the ground but#oh my god. i would genuinely pay MORE MONEY to go through a decent delivery service#cuz im gonna spend it anyway recouping all the costs! !#idc if it takes another week so long as it can be scheduled to when im in or a date so i can arrange#but theres no options like literally#AND no warning half the time on all the stores. ALL of the shops use it now its such a nightmare#and im mad too ive waited in the house all day for it#no warning it HAS been rescheduled and yep thats great [redacted] and so and so forth help me GOD
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I still want to write a fic about Makoto set after 0 where she goes off the rails because she is a traumatized 21 year old with not a single living connection in the world and now she has 10 billion yen to her name which just spells trouble to me
#when I say she has no living connection I mean bc Majima isn't ever known by her#like I hope she gets comfort at the idea he is out there even if she can't find him#but essentially her brother and Lee and her mum and her grandfather are all dead#She's literally got no one#And I'm supposed to believe she just copes fine with that?#I always had this Makoto Everywhere Idea#where she doesn't leave Kamurocho and Majima keeps seeing her around#and she's driving him insane because shes actively looking for him and he's trying to escape her#he's threatened every yakuza in the city never to say a word unless they want him to go mad dog like he did on the dojima family#even Sera agrees#so Makoto's left smacking random dudes and wandering around doing her investigation#She hassles Nishiki and Kiryu about it- but they're all Oh Um we didn't know the guy#It's just Majima going to get ciggies in the poppo and oh fuck heres Makoto eating a fuckin pork bun#quickly turn around and run away#Oh he feels a bit snackish- why not go grab some takoyaki Oh fuck me it's Makoto Makimura at the takoyaki cart /again/#He wants to go have some fun- have a drink and a little karaoke#in an Okama bar- Jesus fucking christ Makoto's here and she'd singing HIS song and she's too drunk so now he's worried#But it's none of his buisness... Hmm maybe he can pay one of the nice young guys in there to keep an eye... No thats suspect#You get my vibe?#that's a different story to the one in the body of the post though.#Or Is It 🤨#Makoto looking for him but being destructive and its driving Majima insane#anyway :)
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