#because the whole point is that the undoing made it so they never truly existed in the first place

[unjest]

the magician ability / skill / logic

reversed deception / failure / misuse of power

[burst-of-iridescent]

well since i can already tell that we’re all going to be subjected to the same old tired mai & mai.ko discourse for the foreseeable future, let’s get it clear right now that the atla comics have never been, and will never be acceptable mediums of character development, and here’s why:

1. the comics are given the benefit of hindsight, which impairs organic character growth.

it’s become extremely clear over the last few years that many of the comics are made as, or include, direct responses to criticisms of the original show — especially when it comes to katara, mai, and the canon pairings. aang didn’t ask katara for consent? look, he’s checking if he can kiss her! mai doesn’t care about fire nation imperialism? here, she’s an anti fascist! iroh was a creep to june? don’t worry, here he is apologising!

many of the things the characters do or say in the comics feel unnatural because they are not written as characters, but as mouthpieces for the creators to address fandom complaints from the original show.

“but that’s good, right? they’re trying to make it better!” i mean… sure? it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s damage control, and that no matter what stories span the middle, the arcs of these characters still begin and end with avatar: the last airbender, and the legend of korra, both of which are fixed and immutable. the comics cannot retroactively fix the issues of either show, because they’ve already been defined as the goalposts of the characters’ lives, and there is no way to undo that.

it’s like if you eat a meal that isn’t to your satisfaction, and maybe the chief makes you another dish, which is all well and good — but it doesn’t fix the fact that the original meal still sucked! sometimes, accepting criticism means accepting that there’s no way to go back and fix it but to do better next time, with the next story you wish to tell.

if the legend of korra didn’t exist, and the arcs of the characters were left open after atla, then maybe there would be for the room for the comics to function as character development if not for the fact that…

2. the comics are intended for a very different audience than the show.

it’s obvious that the audience for the original show vastly outnumbers the audience for the comics, likely by thousands, if not millions. this isn’t the mcu, where the installation of any atla property is vital to understanding the next, and so on. you can skip the comics and miss nothing whatsoever (and honestly your life would be far improved by doing so).

those who read the comics are likely only the real diehard fans of the show — and the creators know this, which is why we have the whole issue of point one above. but this difference in audience matters, because it reflects the significance of the story being told, and how important it is for the audience to know it. this is why, if the characters’ development and storylines in the comics truly, genuinely mattered, it would have been in the show already.

i’m not saying that the gaang wouldn’t have continued to grow and change post-atla, but generally stories exist as closed circuits, self-contained within themselves. when you end atla, you’re meant to believe that those arcs are finished. that’s the whole reason the comics deal mostly with fun silly adventures, or with quick, temporary conflicts instead of grand, overarching narratives, because they are not truly meant to function as a continuation of the story of atla, or its characters.

(if you ask me frankly, they’re meant to be nostalgia cash grabs, but that’s neither here nor there.)

creator intention matters with the atla comics (or any atla property, in fact), because creator intention was the subject of criticism for the original show in the first place. why must we rely on the comics or the cookbook or avatar legends to tell us that katara did things with her life outside of aang? why do we need to turn to something released nearly two decades after atla to find any evidence that mai denounced the fire nation’s imperialist indoctrination, when she’s romantically involved with one of the show’s most important characters? why are these stories relegated to a medium with far less reach, far too late?

the answer is that the writers didn’t find those stories to be originally worth telling, and that is the real problem fans have been pointing out since 2008.

so, tldr:

[unsuredreamer]

is it possible for a Bridget x Reader where Red found out not only her mother's different personality in the past but also a has a childhood friend that both Bridget and reader has feelings towards one another is too shy about it but in the original timeline Reader was never mentioned because reader died in an accident that people assumed that it was Bridget fault because she is a monster and red also plans to prevent reader's death

Your Heart

Bridget Hearts 🩷 x reader

Kinda changed a bit but I still hope you like it!!!

Still open for more requests my loves ♡

"Bridget. You're better than this. I know that what happened was hard for you, but that was ages ago" Ella pleaded desperately trying to stop her ex best friend from taking over Auradon.

"Hard? It was excruciating, I relive it every day since" the queen coldly exclaimed.

"We all do. She was like a dream, but she is gone now. We have to move on Bridget"

"Don't you dare speak of her in my presence! You did not care back then." The Queen yelled out. "Now kneel" she gestured with her hand.

"I will never kneel to a tyrant"

"She's denied a royal order. What do we do about that, darling?" The Red Queen turned to her daughter smiling ear to ear. But don't let it get you. It's not the nice kind.

"Look, all you have to do is swear allegiance. Is that so hard?" Red butt in to Cinderella, she knew it was about to go down.

"If it means compromising everything I stand for, yes."

"Who are you loyal to Red? These strangers or your mother? Now make me proud for once" Bridget took a hold of Red's face, grinning like she was about to win. She was of course.

"Come on Bridget, even your daughter knows it's wrong, she can't do it" This sentence made something snap in Red, like a force pulling her towards the bad, a little devil sitting on her shoulder. But she felt vulnerable. Did she really want that? Her heart thumped in her chest."Treason! She's guilty of treason, and that means off with her head!" Wrong, it felt so wrong, to the point she felt dizzy, the whole world spinning.

"Exactly right, my dear! Off with her head!" The royal guards began walking the other queen, her daughter desperately trying to pry the others away. Red coming straight at her, her spinning head did not help in trying to take out the pocket watch and steadying her posture.

But she did, and what happened next was not what she expected..

~•~

"Now great! We traveled 20 years back in time! Fucking excellent Red" Chloe yelled, angered as her mother was just sentenced to death by the very girl standing beside her

"Calm down, little goody princess pop star. I meant to sent us back just a few minutes so i could take my mothers cards, but it took us here. I certainly did not mean to take you with me" Red remarked, thinking hard about why she ended up in this exact moment.

"Well, we're here now, so might as well undo whatever made your mom so evil" Chloe paced back and forth, clutching her sword tightly in her hand, something she did often while being stressed beyond heavens.

"And how exactly are you planning to prevent murder, Chloe?" The princess of Wonderland asked sarcastically. Because truly, how were they supposed to do it? They didn't know who did it, how, when, and where. It was all a mystery to them. It's like this death was completely erased from existence. No one mentioned it. After all, why would you reminisce such a sad and sudden death that became a start to many years of misery and tyranny of one of the cruelest rulers known of."We could at least, i don't know...try? My mom said it happened after a talk about flamingos?" What? Was she joking, really?

"Let's just look for our mothers for now."

And thats what they did, what brought them to this exact moment.

"Hey my love, how are these cupcakes you talked about?" A strange girl sat down on one of the benches in the school halls looking at Bridget, Red's mom, with such loving eyes just begging for an ounce of touch from the pink one. She must have heard her pleads as she sat down on her lap, throwing her arm around the others neck.

"They are great! I saved you one or two...plates" Bridget grinned. She could never do too little for the girl she was so desperately in love with. Although they claimed to be just bestest of best friends, too shy to admit they literally wore each other's hearts on their chests. "These flamingo feathers you went so out of way to get for me really turned out excellent as a topping." She smiled widely once again. Something you could never grow tired of. Her enchanting eyes and magical pink hair drawing you in.

"Who is that?" Red whispered to Ella, Chloe's mother.

"Y/n Cupid, Bridget's childhood best friend"

"Aree you sureee they are just that?" Chloe questioned as she smiled sheepishly. "It surely looks like more than that to me,"What a sight, seeing the cruel Queen of Hearts (who is now such a sweet and kind soul) be so lovey dovey with another person. That alone made Red's head spiral. Her mother was not mad evil? She was good-hearted? And she had a lover? That is something she would never grasp after all those years of fake smiles and cold orders.

"Mhm, they are. Although I strongly suggest them every day to make a closer move. They won't budge like stuck-up little kids."

"Well lovely, I will try not to eat them all in one sitting." You continued, taking Bridget's hand in yours, softly swiping your finger across her palm. Her breath hitched. It was something you'd done quite often, but even the slightest touch from you made her head dizzy and the goosebumps on her skin to pop instantly.

"Y-You, I" She stuttered out, nothing more coming in to her clouded mind, you giggled at her cutness, what resulted in you being hit by her in the head "Be careful, try not to turn into a flamingo, they are awsome but only one at a time sweetie" She kissed your cheek quickly, she was feeling bold, usually she'd just boop your nose or something. A kiss was a big declaration from her. She loved physical touch, she loved hugs, grazing or intertwining hands. But a kiss was something she preserved only for her one and only.

You were her one and only.

"Okay, it was nice meeting you, Red and Chloe, I'll be going now. I have a shit load of homework from Professor Merlin. Bye Ella, see you later B!" You sent them a kiss and dissappeared in the halls.

"Bridget!" The lovesick girl jumped upon her name being yelled out "She is so totally in love with you!" Chloe squealed, not being able to keep her excitement in, taking the princesses hands and jumping around."No, no. We are just friends. She would never look at me that way" Bridget sadly sighed, playing with her heart necklace she got from her 'friend'

It was a truly beautiful gift, just a necklace with a heart, but if you were to look at it from the other side. The necklace was made from silver, crafted by Hephaestus himself, the red heart was a gemstone made differently, it was a part of the glass heart of cupid.

Your heart.

You gave her your heart!?

How could she be so stupid not to recognize what a grand gesture of love it was?

You basically devoted your whole life to her, vowing to love her forever and always.

You gave her your heart...

"See, that's what I'm talking about!" Frustrated Ella butt in. "They act like a couple, but when you point it out, both of them are sooooo dumb to realize how the other is fe-" She could not finish because Red and Chloe were long gone. So was Bridget, even quicker.

As Bridget realized what an oblivious idiot she had been, she took a run after you, clutching the necklace in her hand. After a minute, she found you in the gardens.

The sight of your unconscious body made Bridget shiver, freeze, almost as if she had stepped foot on the Boomerang Nebula. She fell, her weak knees hitting the blood-stained ground. The once beautiful, white pebbles, turning maroon as the red liquid pooled out of the corpse.

A terrifying, horror like scream was all that could be heard...

No one would imagine a dead body with a spear shot right through the heart in the broad daylight while waking out on the school grounds. Hazed eyes, once full of life, staring longingly into the distance. And the strong grip of the hand, oh so soft, still remaining on the spear. The white button-up shirt peppered in small hearts growing more and more burgundy with each passing second.

She could not believe it. You were gone.

The love of her life

She could not stop the anger mixed with hurt and unimaginable sadness growing in her heart as she watched her lovers lifeless body. She threw a fit with the intention of hurting everyone in the mere distance. Luckily, no one was there to be hurt. Throwing her cards up in the air, shooting fires, and demolishing basically everything she could see.

Bridget broke down crying. There was nothing she could do to bring her life back, her life back.

As Chloe successfully shielded her princess from the fires and chaos thrown by her mother, Bridget fell on her knees once again. They stared at the scene before them.

They cursed themselves that they weren't able to stop the killing. They had failed.

Red felt absolutely terrible seeing her mother so heartbroken. She saw only the worst part of her. She never even thought there once was this sweet, kind, thoughtful, and such a loving princess within her. She wondered of all these good times she could have, with her other 'mom' too. As she was wishing she could've come sooner to stop this nonsense, however would she have done it, Chloe ran to her mom's younger version. Dropping on her knees just a couple inches away, wrapping the pink girl in her embrace. So strong, so comforting.

Bridget laid her head on her chest, sobbing uncontrollably, gripping Chloe's blue shirt so tightly she was most likely to rip it apart any second. That is truly what she needed, a warm presence holding her so she wouldn't go mad.

"Cry Bridget, I'm here for you," and that's what she did. She cried till she was out of energy to do so. She just stared in the distance, thinking of nothing. There was nothing left for her. She took ahold of her lovers hand, vowing to herself she'd never fall in love again.

And she'll keep your heart, just how you have kept hers.

Not all stories have a happily ever after, even if we try to change it

[warblogs17282]

Another argument I don't understand from the helluva boss 'critical' crowd is the 'they're uwufying/coddling Stolas' argument.

I've most likely covered this in the 'both sides fucked up' post I've made before but I want to challenge the claim more head on this time.

Like Stolas is a character with multiple flaws that he needs to work on and has been brought to the forefront quite a bit, a few examples of these are the alcoholism (rehab has been stated to exist in hell twice now, so that's most likely gonna become a plot point at some point in the show), the subconscious racism/classism (the harvest moon festival is a major example of that), we know Blitz is in the right when he calls Stolas out for it in apology tour in the first few minutes of the episode because that's literally the point, how is Stolas supposed to just magically undo 25 years of the learned racism/classism starting from as early as we know, 10 years old, that shit takes time, Stolas is not at that point where he's self aware enough to realise how much he hurt Blitz with those behaviours, with the self aware part being stated in the description of the apology tour video. They explicitly brought attention to Stolas' flaws regarding the racism/classism thing so it'd be shit writing for Vivzie to not bring it attention again in the near future, they've established it as a flaw Stolas has so he's gonna have to learn to undo that during the show.

Also, in the trailer there's a line that very much tells us that Stolas is gonna have to face and learn from his problems face on. 'You never loved mother, and you don't love me, you love him.' The wording on it makes it very clear it's being spoken to Stolas, and as much as Stolas tries to give Octavia a normal life as Stolas loves Octavia so much, it just gave Octavia all the reason to believe that Stolas never loved Stella and her, because all Octavia knows up at this point is that Stolas cheated on Stella with a to her, random imp, which in her viewpoint, would confirm that the love was never there for Stella and her, leading to her villainising Stolas because of it. Octavia knows none of the abuse Stella inflicted upon Stolas. Plus, as much as Stolas tries to be an active part of Octavia's life as a father, he still fails at it. The main proof of this being in seeing stars, the phone call where Stolas was getting really intense arguing with Stella, pushing Octavia to the sideline as a result. 'Why does he hate her more than he loves me.' This scene just shows truly how Octavia feels about Stolas right now, and it plays in perfectly to the line in the trailer, so while that scene does show Octavia that Stolas does care about him, she still doesn't really sense much of the love Stolas has for Octavia, with most of it in Octavia's prespective getting replaced by Stolas being forgetful about her needs and such, instead getting caught up in his own problems too much to tend to Octavia's needs, which deeply hurts Octavia inside. Just like Loona said, Stolas just messes up, Octavia can't really see that a whole lot yet however. 'You know I haven't taught you spells like this yet.' This line just really shows that Stolas keeps getting caught up in his own things that again, Octavia's needs get put on the sideline or just forgotten about until it's too late, which hurts her deeply. It shows that the things that Octavia should've been taught at that point hasn't been taught to her yet for that reason, the arrangement with Blitz and the messy divorce to be specific.

These two reasons are proof that the argument that they're gonna keep coddling Stolas and that he's not gonna learn from his character flaws and just stay the same way he is currently, is entirely bullshit.

I wrote much more about that than I expected, man I take helluva boss much more seriously than I thought, guess it just resonates with me.

For anyone seeing this now, Vivzie just basically confirmed that Stolas' flaws will be addressed

'Everything we are noticing about the plot that hasn’t been addressed, will be. Just BE PATIENT'

[onwhatcaptain]

hi i didn’t know what Star Trek was until i came across your fic it’s so. Real. poor McCoy bruh nobody’s gonna know what he went through …I guess it’s not entirely gone, but still. He didn’t get the three socks metaphor.

YOU TRICKED ME. canon divergent LIEEE LIEEEE

The way you omit time travel as a tag is craaazyy (I love time travel) AND AND THE SUNMARY BEING

“About men who love each other” LIKE NOT TWO MEN but all THREE

I do have one question though. If McCoy said “tell him you missed him” and set up the holo night, then in the first timeline had McCoy already gone back at that point and failed?

Hi! So I saw your comment on AO3 (please forgive me if it takes a moment to reply, I have an enormous backlog of comments to get around to after I took a break when the fic ended!) and I knew I absolutely had to ask you these burning questions: how did you find my fic if you didn't know what Star Trek was? What inspired you to read it?

I am beyond thrilled that you enjoyed the story and so touched that you read it all the way through without having seen Star Trek, but I absolutely have to ask what the story behind this is if you're willing to share with me!

It's definitely still canon divergent in a sort of way! At least in my figurative and literal book if you know the episode that inspired this novel, it would definitely be considered divergent:) I wanted to keep things as spoiler-free as possible to retain the surprise and emotional weight of the story, so I made the decision early on to not tag where the plot or ending was going, which definitely threw a lot of people off! Sorry for the trickery!

I ADORE that you pointed out the summary. I was actually shocked when I was reading this ask, because it was absolutely intentional and a huge part of the foreshadowing, but you're the only reader to my knowledge that has consciously noticed that choice, and you haven't even seen Star Trek!! Amazing!! I have such a big smile on my face right now!

More below because I realize this is getting long already!

As for poor McCoy, it is truly tragic nobody will know what he went through. In Star Trek, a lot of fans (rightfully) emphasize the love between Kirk and Spock, which I feel is only kept alive because of McCoy's quiet love for them both in the background as he takes care of them. In a way, it's a tribute to love that goes unnoticed, unseen.

With regards to your question, it's a great question! And I don't have a perfect answer for it, because it's entirely paradoxical. The first half of the story can only happen if the second half happens, because Kirk and Spock would not act on their feelings without the existence of the holo night and McCoy's intervention. But in the original timeline, they still die even though McCoy's actions in the latter half of the novel seem to exist. It's totally circular. It's expounded on somewhat in Forever and a Day, where McCoy tries to make sense of the same question and concludes that even if he does succeed, they will still die.

McCoy tries not to think about the horrifying implications. The knowledge that no matter what he did, he could not undo their deaths. To live, they would always need to die.

This doesn't necessarily mean that McCoy has gone back before, but it raise some serious questions about metaphysics and leaves a lot unanswered, because the two events now cause each other, and they also contradict each other. I actually took a stab at explaining the metaphysics in way greater detail in the fic originally, but my beta reader (correctly) told me this would confuse readers. So because it's confusing, I later just wave my sci-fi authorial wand to try and convince you to go along with it! :)

"And I like how the paradox makes no sense.” “I reckon it’s not meant to. They never do."

I do have to say, I recommend giving Star Trek a watch if you were interested! I think it's an amazing show. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read a whole novel about a show you had no idea about!!

[kindestegg]

Pespillo’s post about how the fandom treats Hunter’s Belos-related trauma while ignoring the Collector’s to instead flatten them into funny iPad kid reminds me of how Luz’s trauma from Belos is also downplayed and ignored so she can be his best friend and therapist and the one person who gets him, meeting him on mutual ground as if the finale didn’t perfectly summarize why this is a terrible thing. Coincidentally, both Luz and the Collector are very similar in themes and motives and have their outgoing charm used as an excuse to ignore the legitimate depth going on beneath the surface.

oh you are so correct it often feels like ppl want luz to put the responsibility in herself of fixing him when like. shes fucking fourteen n he traumatized her do you think at ANY POINT shed even have the mental n emotional capability after being tossed into danger and having her loved ones threatened multiple times to PLAY THERAPIST for him and undo the literal hundreds of years of cognitive dissonant he has in a single episode?? LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!! CHEGAAAAAA!! LET HER REST!!

also you are so right in clocking that, i did technically write something similar to the sentiment colly n luz are so similar here . but also like ive been thinking about luzs specific trauma n guilt related to helping belos n what is an actual fucked up underlying context here is that shes not JUST responsible for the nebulous acts of 'she was nice to him without knowing who he was n taught him a glyph n helped him meet the collector'. because its implied that belos NEEDED collectors help to get the draining spell started? and whats related to the draining spell? the whole coven system he started n enforced n all the domino n ripple effects that had on their society.

this, mind you, includes edas curse. hell it includes the whole drama in the clawthorne family. it includes also all the wild witches that were killed simply for resisting assimilation. it includes also all the kids bullied and tortured in subtler ways for being different. it includes probably his looking into the basilisks and yes, includes vee. it includes even all of the exhausted natural resources that were taken to fulfill his plans.

isnt that fucking terrifying? to know that actions you thought were selfless and just helping out another person, a person you looked up to even, and at some point you realized he sucked but not to HOW much he sucked... were actually setting up for a slow hellish imperialist reign that made the lives of so many people exponentially worse? that KILLED people? that WOULD have killed more? when it otherwise didnt leave them with fucked priorities and mental disorders??? FUCK MAN!!!!!! THATS FUCKED UP!! NO WONDER LUZ WANTED TO HAVE NEVER EXISTED, LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT.

and yet... we do know even if it was a ripple effect, it was still ultimately belos' fault. it was his n his decision alone to do all this with the small push luz gave him. and in the depths of her psychological despair, even then, luz is able to grasp at some hope that she can make things right, that she can make it up to the isles and its people. she HAS to. its the least she can do for them. but it then becomes equally important just how much every step of the way she is comforted by the people she has by her side telling her that they wont abandon her, that they know she messed up terribly, but that this does not necessarily make her irredeemable, and that the only path is forward, and through it all.

and most of all, she is allowed to look back, she is allowed to think slowly, she is allowed to seek comfort when she is suffering because this does not make her egocentric in her pain over her guilt, it just means she needs this healing so she can complete her journey. you can be of no use to others if you are constantly punishing yourself, after all. and ultimately also when papa titan offers her the perspective she was kind to her son even when she had no idea king was a titan, luz truly realizes another important truth: your bad deeds do not negate your good ones. theres no score or balance of sins vs virtues pending one way or another. one horrible mistake you made is just another action in the web of your life, where if you look in another direction, you have also done immense good with other actions.

and the good you do ripples as well. it isnt a coincidence that it was also another action of kindness, attempting to save collector, that even got her to the in between. luz was never a chosen one. but through an intricate web of choices to do good, specially to these two wonderful children, she ended up right where she needed to then take papa titans power and become his vessel to rid the isles of belos for good. isnt that poetic? isnt that beautiful?

collector is much of the same. in a way, you could say he was at fault for the titans going pretty much extinct. had his presence among the titans not alerted his siblings, they would have never been able to actively find and kill off the last titans. and these were a people collector cared about, he learned of their magic, he played with them, he admired them and their strength. just. gone. and because of him? if he ever realizes that, its going to be luz all over again. and i can imagine he already feels guilty just because of the draining spell and the whole puppet thing once he starts realizing that was bad by the end of s3. this could easily send him spiraling. and i wonder... it also feels i havent seen many people touch on that in fan works. oh well.

anyway. ahem. my point is i think belos would be a very terrible character for them to be around, i feel like theyre best both trying to heal from their respective trauma n finding good support networks. and also there is so much more to them to be explored. luz also has her trauma from bullying and loss of her father, n colly has, again, being stuck in the disc and having to rely on anyone who has it to try and get them to set him free, many of them being power hungry and treating him like an object, only wanting to use him. this does make their backstories differ quite a bit, as luz wants to belong somewhere where she can be herself without judgement and people being cruel to her, and collector on the other hand just needs to be free and have good figures guiding him again. they state this. luz wanted to be understood, collector wanted a friend who wouldnt use him or betray him.

uhm this got a little long... oh well!!! heheh thank you for the ask, i always like getting a little too serious about this little show meow

[manicpunkiedreamboy]

I think there’s something really beautiful about old/aging porn stars/ sex workers. (this is not about a kink or fetish)

Like, maybe it’s different in other places/countries(but i think not), but here i cannot think of a time when i’ve even once ever heard something good spoken about these people. In fact, the only, and i mean only, time i hear them mentioned is in the line of insults. People use them to insinuate someone else is worn out and that their body is destroyed.

But lots of jobs wear people out, lots of jobs destroy peoples bodies. When we get truly old, we’re somewhat worn out and parts of us are destroyed no matter what, right? Why are sex workers and pornstars bodies not worthy of dignity? Does what they do only have value in their youth? It’s not like people stop finding someone attractive when they’re no longer young( i’m super not going to argue that point, i’m empirically correct and if you disagree just spend a little more time online and you’ll see. ) , so why? Is there only honor in physical jobs if they wear on your non-sexual parts?

If someone works as a firefighter, and their lungs are depleted from the smoke, there is no ridicule.

If someone works in a loud plant, and their hearing is diminished in their age, we don’t use that as an insult.

If someone’s back is spent from a lifetime of construction, we take care of them.

Why does someone’s genitals being spent make them worthy of contempt?

Some jobs use up our lifting parts, some jobs use up our breathing parts, some jobs use up our hearing parts; these jobs use up our loving parts.

Some would try to argue that it’s because these jobs aren’t important. These people do not understand humans very well.

People need houses.

People need power.

People need safety.

But you know what people have needed even longer? Before we discovered electricity, or created masonry, or were at the top of the food chain?

People need sex. People need sexual companionship. It is a biological need. Why do we hate people working the oldest recorded profession?

I saw a photo of a pornstar today who does not look young. I’m not going to say his name. I was struck with how special it is, to have a body worn down from creating passion. From sharing human desire. From spreading inspiration. I have been forever benefited from photos and videos i have seen of men. I have learned what i like and what i don’t while risking and wasting nothing. More than that, i have been given great passions from it. My desire and fire for life are stoked in the imagery and sounds these people produce. There have been many human cultures with healthier views of sexuality than the one i found myself born in. They did not hide their passions, they did not raise their children with the belief that their desires were wicked and a thing to be suppressed their whole lives. I had to spend a LOT of time undoing that damage that was done to my psyche when i was younger. The truth is that we want other people. In many different ways, shapes, and patterns. That is a good thing. Human passion drives many of the best and most revolutionary contemporary and historical developments. Love and lust and desire are not dark forces working against your best interests. They are the lunar pull on your tides. They are your blood setting you ablaze with life. They are your heart and mind and body in synchronicity. They are beautiful, and worthy of art and worthy of recognition and worthy of high respect.

People like to talk (excessively) about the many dangers and evils of porn. Let me tell you, i would have been vulnerable to and made many stupid and risky, sometimes life-threatening decisions if i could only have a sexual experience with visual aspects in person. Casual access to porn is a shield protecting you from being so horny you lose yourself. Porn doesn’t exist without pornstars. I am helped by those who make porn for me exactly as i am helped by those who make roads for me.

I’ve never had an encounter with a more “hands on” sex worker in comparison to a porn star, but i know what loneliness feels like. It withers you, heart and mind. Humans don’t experience a decreased need for companionship as we age, but we do experience a decreased amount of people who want to be companions. The healing, the reassurance, that could come from sex work. There is value in it.

I don’t know how to end this, so i’ll say

i hope this helped you. you don’t deserve less than your peers. your body is not aging or changing any more than the rest of us. your form is pulchritudinous, and you are respected. I respect you. I wish we were having this conversation on bar stools in a restaurant filled with as much light and love for life as we have. we are the same.

[stemmmm]

we have entered "magic isn't real, ghosts aren't real"

i love accusing the highly emotional woman holding a gun of murder. tho its very fun that this is a situation where i can't be like "no but beatrice" as much because you're made to know natsuhi isn't lying, but neither is eva about the door never having opened, so something else is up

really appreciate all the time spent going over how maria doesn't have a split personality, it's a very normal thing for kids to code-switch the way she does... tho with her it feels very abrupt, i'd expect it a little smoother when it happens in the middle of conversation lmao. my god does she feel like a 9 year old when she does the witch switch tho

hm! phone lines down means there's no contact with the boats, means they have to go on faith the boats even show up. means.... boat might not show up at all.

ohhh wish i remembered the other nights. i can't remember any other than the love one because attention was drawn to it. idk what to expect next

well it seems they were next anyways!! tho one is supposed to happen each day right? this seems a tad early for it to drop. hm. regarding the perfect locked room-- sure no one could get in or go out, but someone could have already been in there to start with, waiting. doesn't explain the marking appearing on the door since they couldn't have exited in the meantime, but once the chain is cut, that person is free to get out whenever. this reasoning is all pointless however bc its clearly witch magic

fuckin flowey-ass laugh when kanon gets killed or whatever

"you know when people die they dont come back to life again right?" nah i dont think she gets that concept actually. i think that might be meaningless to her

ah we are fully and truly turning on maria now huh. makes sense tho esp since she's (rightfully!!) a bit of a cunt when in witch mode.

now this talk of granddaddy's room being magically impenetrable! sir why were you screaming nonstop to see beatrice again even at the cost of your life if she can't even come in! go outside, you old fool! go to her!

i don't get all this maria's saying about how beatrice will revive everyone, the gold has completely fallen out of the picture. in fact every single person has ignored the riddle this whole time. which i suppose is the point.... since this seems to just be giving information on what happens as a baseline. but also the riddle does call for all this stuff to happen in order to find the gold..... i simply do not get the riddle lmao

oh my god wait is battler just now for real finally remembering the riddle. its been 1 day my man. busy day i guess!

ahhhh ok, we're admitting it has nothing to do with the gold anyways. that's fine, makes much more sense that it's just the ritual. on account of how it obviously is. so there exist no clues on the gold. ahhh but theyre still calling it a riddle to solve. hrm.

dont enjoy that all the servants have been sent out to die. i think its like, mega confirmed it's just gonna be the servants and doctor since maria was given the charm back and it should only be 3 more to die anyways? speaking of, why give it to her, she surely has more of her own. anyways i know everyones panicking and thinks they'll just get killed amogus style-- hm. i've lost my point due to making that connection. why did it take me that long to make this connection. they have been thrown out the airlock. hm. all that aside, knowing that battler has a mystery magic circle makes me wonder if that being in the room makes it a gate for beatrice to get in and kill them instead of killing the folks sent outside but i imagine that is not the case. potentially funny tho

we are spending suuuuuuch a long time crying over how we threw maria out with no acknowledgement of the 3 other people sent to die lmao. oh these bitches are gonna walk outside into a room of corpses for sure with how long they're taking to undo their bad decision.

LMAO THE MAGIC CIRCLE WAS CASTING SPELL OF GO FUCK YOURSELF

oh fuck the phones back on.

my god these people love to be like "oh it's a trap! let's charge blindly into it!" but like. why not honestly. they know they're gonna mega die, it's pretty clear. ahh yep everyone else is dead and maria is blair witching in the corner LOVE that for her truly truly.

"maria should be running up to us and hugging us so joyous that she's safe!" fucking no she shouldn't! one, you threw her out. two, she clearly saw this horrific shit happen. three, YOU'RE NOT SAFE..........

aw that's so nice of beatrice to cast a spell or w/e to be like dont worry little girl just sing and sing and you won't have a damn clue what's going on

oh shit this duel is awesome, i was kinda hoping it'd lead to a proper beatrice appearance but perhaps it is too soon.

ahhhh focusing the painting rather than a portrait and no real dialogue to keep it really vague what's going on is so goodddddd! beatrice wins!! and i guess the part of the prophecy about everyone being revived must be to do with the looping, yeah? i've been thinking that for a second and it seems especially certain if when three of the kids go to the golden land, they only can get one person/thing? intewesting intewesting

so im watching the tea party because while i skipped the after shows in higu because they felt sucks to me, i read somewhere that this was actually plot relevant and by god. it is. they've taken battler who's saying over and over again show me a witch if you want me to believe witches exist and that witch has appeared and he is now saying what kind of joke is this. what are you getting at. who do you think you're fooling. you cant own me I'm unownable. king shit

ADSJGKSLDG "I DONT BELIEVE IN YOU SO YOU AREN'T REAL"

WAIT I WROKE THAT AS A JOKE BUT THEN HE SAID IT HIMSELF. YES! YES! SICKOS!

so what im getting from this is!!! because beato doesn't have full power unless everyone believes she exists, THAT is how she is able to resurrect. because the 18 can't bring themselves to believe someone they know did a horrific thing, the blame is put on magic and beatrice and gives her power. if it can be proven the murders were done by people, beatrice can be defeated. however that still means people are dying out here which! aint great!

anyways hiiii rika hiiiiiii thanks for the tips girlie, unbelievably funny that you're here to be like "this bitch is crazy. sorry bud. here, let me give you a hint, gl out there" oh my god wait no its even better because she just wants to fuck beato over because she's bored as hell. love her. did not give 2 shits about her in higurashi but here she's great

i've started jury duty btw

i've obviously only just started so i dont know anything yet but very funny to open with the dying man raving about how he will leave no will his ungrateful family gets NOTHING. FUCK THEM KIDS. EVERYTHING I'VE EVER EARNED CAME FROM NOTHING AND IT WILL BE DESTROYED THE INSTANT OF MY DEATH AS ARE THE TERMS OF THE witch's curse. (im aware there is an island that explodes. interesting. curious)

what i know of battler so far is that shit's just CRAZY his whole family's CRAZY aren't they NUTS? and apparently he's on steroids as a like. 17 year old? 18? good for him.

also if there is not a plot twist or something regarding this 9 year old who behaves and talks like an infant i'm gonna lose it. ryukushi i'm certain you've met a 9 year old. im certain you know better.

[the-bau-quinjet]

Always

Summary: You overhear Steve talking to Bucky about going back to be with Peggy. Rather than confronting the situation, you write him a letter.

Warnings: I cried just thinking about writing this, so much angst, some swearing

Word Count: 3305

a/n: here it is folks: the sad fic I mentioned a few posts ago. Inspired by a multitude of songs from the album Ashlyn by Ashe. I high key recommend listening to that album while you read or just in general. I'm pretending like nobody died in Endgame because that shit is sad and I know this is sad aside from that, but I still have a heart ya know?

Per usual, any song lyrics (or song lyrics that I changed a bit) are in bold! I think used lyrics from Me Without You, Save Myself, I'm Fine, Love is Not Enough, and Always.

Masterlist

"You'd really want to go back?" You overheard Bucky right before you walked into Steve's room.

"I don't know." He let out a deep sigh. "I mean, I do know, but what do you think?" Steve's answer left you wondering what they were discussing.

"All for Peggy?" Your heart stopped waiting for Steve to reply.

Another sigh escaped his lips. You could easily picture him running his hands down his face, a signal he was deep in thought. "I mean, I never got a chance to see what would happen with her. Don't you think she deserves this much?"

You felt frozen. You couldn't hear the rest of Steve's answer or Bucky's reply over the sound of blood rushing through your ears.

It was all too much to handle. Rather than confront the grab bag of emotions swimming inside of you, you turned around and went back to your room in a zombie like haze.

"Friday, don't let anyone in my room."

You know the AI replied, but you were still too caught up in thought to understand it. Your mind was full of questions you knew you couldn't figure out the answers to alone.

Why would Steve want to go back for Peggy when he had you? Why would he even consider it if he loved you like he said he does? Is he still in love with Peggy? Has he been in love with her the whole time? Why would he choose her when he's spent so much more time with you?

"Y/N?" The sound of Steve's voice outside your door startled you. "Y/N, honey, are you in there?"

You could hear the doorknob rattling in his attempt to open it, but Friday was doing as you asked.

"I thought you were going to meet me downstairs?"

His words only broke your heart more, a small sniffle escaping despite your efforts to remain quiet.

"Are you not feeling well? What's wrong?"

His questions were left unanswered, much like the questions swimming around your head.

Steve kept talking to you through the door for a while, but you never replied. You weren't ready to face him, not until you knew you wouldn't say something you'd later regret.

-

The next few days carried on much the same. You refused to leave your room, relying on various snacks and protein bars you had for food. Every few hours, you would try to write down what you were feeling, but it didn't help calm you down the same way it typically did.

Everyone tried talking to you, but nothing worked. Steve spent hours outside your door every day in an effort to get you to talk to him, but you just couldn't figure out your emotions. It was all still too much to handle.

Late one night, Steve said something that forced you into action.

"Y/N, I don't know what happened, but if I did something I'm truly sorry. I'm returning the stones tomorrow. We've never not said goodbye before a mission... I just hope this one is the same."

You listened as he quietly walked back down the hallway, steps slowly receding until you were left in the same absolute silence you've spent the last few days.

You knew you had to talk to him, but hearing him say to your face that he's staying with Peggy would kill you.

You couldn't survive a permanent goodbye, not in your current state of mind.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, you decided to write Steve a letter. Maybe you'd give it to him or maybe it would just help you organize your thoughts. Either way, it would be helpful to write to someone for a change.

Hi Steve,

I, well, I guess I'll start with this. You deserve an apology. I'm truly sorry for ignoring you for the past few days. I just... I heard what you said to Bucky and I didn't know how to deal with it.

You know I've never been the best at controlling my emotions, so I just holed myself up in here. I avoided you so I could figure out my own feelings first.

I know I should talk to you. You deserve that too, but I don't think I could survive the heartbreak. I guess I'll try to explain everything I've been thinking and feeling since that night.

Honestly, I'm not sure where to start. It feels kind of stupid to say, but I obviously experienced a range of emotions when I first heard you and Bucky talking about going back.

You know I've always found solace in writing, so that's what I'm doing. I needed a way to clear my thoughts, and it turned into this concoction of thoughts and some poems - you know how I feel about poems. (Look at that! A sarcastic comment! I didn't think I was capable of humor anymore.)

This might not surprise you, but the first emotion I clung to was anger. I'm not angry anymore, well at least not as angry. Anyway, I wrote this next part when I was absolutely pissed at you.

-

What the fuck?

You want to go back in time and stay there?

You want to leave me behind?

Steve, what the fuck is wrong with you?

I could keep you here. If I really wanted to, I could figure out a way to do it. I could cut the brakes just to keep you from leaving. I'll do it too. My hands on the wheel would drive us into a wall.

You must think I'm being petty. Hiding in my room like a child to avoid you. All the while, here I am writing all the things I could do to keep you. Well, news flash: I don't need you. You made me think the only world I could exist in, was one you lived in, almost had me fooled.

Here's something you probably never considered, because I sure as shit never thought I'd even need to. I can be me without you. I don't have to rely on you for my own happiness. I thought you loved me, but if you want to go back and be with Peggy, do it. Go find yourself, let me down.

It's easy to sit here now and look back on how everything we had would always be second string to your relationship with her. God damn hindsight's 2020.

I want you to know, you did this to me. You broke my heart. When I heard you say you wanted a chance to be with Peggy, it's like my whole world crumbled down around me.

Everything I thought I knew was ripped out from under me. You poured rain all over my sunny. Yeah, someday, this could all be funny, but right now it's absolute shit.

And maybe everything will work out the way it's meant to be, but honestly I couldn't give less of a shit about that right now.

If I had the chance, I would take it back. Everything. Meeting you. Becoming friends. Dating you. Falling in love. I'd be jumping off your sinking ship, instead of going down with it.

It'd be so much easier that way. If I never fucking knew you.

One day I'll be good. I'll be over all of this bullshit. Right now I'm just mad. And you know what, it's justifiable. I think I'm allowed to be mad at you.

I'm over being so mature. If only I was never yours. Maybe I'll go back in time and undo it all. Then at least I could save myself from you.

-

Like I said, I wrote that in the heat of the moment. Once my brain caught up to my ears, all I saw was red. Anger didn't last as long as you might think though.

All that was how I felt in the moment, but I want you to know it's not true. I don't really believe any of it. I was hurt and angry and avoiding the pain I knew was just around the corner.

I've always told you anger would be my downfall because I just can't control what I say.

Let me be completely clear, I would never want to undo meeting you. You've been the best part of my life for years. I need you to know that I don't regret any of it and I never will.

Anyway, the anger shifted to tears pretty quickly. It wasn't hard to feel the pain that comes with someone you love leaving you. I can't honestly picture a world where I don't love you.

This is the first poem I wrote. With tear blurring my vision, I put pen to paper and this is what came out.

Complicated. Understated. On the way to, Devastated. I'm just holding on for dear life.

Short and sweet, right? Well, not so much sweet, but you get the point. I feel broken. Here's another bit of poetry for ya.

Right now I'm sorry, Burns through me darling, But I can't help hope In thirty years it won't.

Maybe I just need time. That's what everyone always says. "Time can heal all wounds."

It's hard to even think about moving on though when everything reminds me of you. I've got emotional souvenirs from fleeting moments we spent together. If this is the end, I'll always know you were my golden years. I know in the future I could close my eyes and go back there.

Maybe that's the hardest part. Knowing I'll always have these memories.

All I've been thinking about for the past three days is if this will ever feel better. And maybe it will, when time has passed.

Maybe when I'm older, I'll run out of stories about you. Maybe when I'm older, I'll know what it's like not to love you, Anymore.

Despite my best efforts, it's still only a maybe. Maybe when I'm older I'll be able to stop thinking about you every second of the day. Maybe when I'm older I won't feel like crying everytime I see your face.

But maybe not. Maybe I'll always feel this way.

Maybe when I'm six feet, underneath the concrete, I'll know what it's like not to want you, anymore.

I'm not saying all this to make you feel guilty. You don't need to tell me you're sorry. I know you are. I know you would never hurt me like this without a reason.

I should just talk to you, but I don't think I can. Not yet. We don't need to talk til we're ready. Both of us.

I guess I do have one question. Do you really love me?

I don't think I want to know the answer right now. Because even if you do... it takes a lot more than a rose, more than a kiss, more than a heart to truly love someone and spend forever with them.

It takes a lot more than a ring, more than a vow, more than a promise to build and maintain a relationship.

Love is not enough. I know that now. Even if you love me to the best of your abilities, you could still love Peggy more. Love may not be enough for us, but at least we got that much.

If you leave, I'll live the rest of my life grateful that at least I got your touch for as long as I did.

I used to think we could take our sweet time, that everything would be just fine. But now I know maybe not.

I cried for days. Like I said, I'm not writing this to make you feel guilty though. I just want to be completely honest. I cried a lot, probably more than I ever have before.

I kept replaying memories of time I spent with you. Not even dates, just the small moments that made me know I love you.

Like that day I woke up too early, almost put salt in my coffee. Oh I thank God that you stopped me before that.

I've never been a morning person, but ever since I met you you've always been there to keep my head on straight.

I think the thing I love most about you is how you can read me better than anyone I've ever known. I can hide from everyone else and they won't bat an eye. They never can tell when I'm falling apart on the inside.

No matter how hard I try to hide it though, you don't believe me when I say I'm alright. You can always, always tell.

It's like you've got a sixth sense that tells you I need you when I try to say I'm fine.

Before I met you, I would get so lonely everyday. Now I'm only lonely until you ask if I'm okay and then I remember that I have people who are there for me. I have you.

All this to say, I love you, Steve. I love you more than I've ever loved another human being.

Forever yours,

Y/N

-

It took you nearly all night to write a coherent letter and come up with a plan to talk to Steve. A quick glance at the clock let you know Steve would be up any minute, so you had to act fast.

You opened your door for the first time in days, running in a full sprint to the stairs and down the hall to Steve's door.

With one final burst of courage, you shoved the letter under the door and ran away before anyone could find you out of your room.

-

"Y/N?" A familiar knock on your door woke you from a restless sleep. "I read your letter, Y/N please let me explain."

It felt like time slowed down as you stared at the door.

"Y/N, I have to bring the stones back, but I really want to talk to you first."

"Come in." You steadied yourself with a deep breath, but one look at Steve ruined your flimsy resolve.

"Y/N... I tried to wait for you to come to me, but..."

He stopped talking when you shook your head, a painful sob forming in your chest.

"I've been thinking a lot." You started slowly, voice scratchy from days of not being used except to cry. "What if staying with me isn't the best thing to keep you happy?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Please let me finish." You waited for him to acknowledge your words before you spoke again.

"If letting you go is the best way to show that I love you, I will." Tears poured down your cheeks, breaths coming to you shakily.

"Captain Rogers, your presence is requested in the backyard." Friday's voice echoed through the room.

Steve looked more torn than you've ever seen him.

"Let's go." You nodded toward the door. "I've got more to say, but you've got somewhere to be."

Slowly, the two of you walked down the hall and entered the elevator.

"I don't know if you'll ever come back-"

"Y/N, really just let me-"

"Steve, please." You begged him to let you get it all out. "I won't ask 'cause that's selfish."

"It's not." He cut in again.

"It is. You deserve to be as happy as possible." With a slow, shaky breath you continued your speech. "I've come to terms I might never feel whole again."

The elevator doors slid open. You followed Steve to the yard where they set up the time machine.

"I'll be broken when you're gone, but I won't hold you back if it's wrong."

"Steve, there you are! Let's go-"

"In a minute, Sam." Steve's eyes never left you, remaining soft and caring. "We can go back inside if you want." He ran his thumbs over your cheeks, ridding them of tears only to be instantly replaced. You've always hated crying in front of people.

"I don't care what people say." You shook your head, ignoring the potential pitying looks you could receive for crying in front of others. Another deep breath, and you continued. "You know I won't force you to stay."

It was your turn to wipe tears from Steve's face.

"If you leave, I'll be okay. Just promise that you won't forget me babe."

"I could never-" He cut in again only to stop when you gave him a pleading look.

"I understand if leaving is what you have to do. I don't want you to go, but I'll be okay, eventually." You let out a watery chuckle, wiping your eyes again.

"Y/N, I never meant for-"

"Steve, you ready?" Sam interrupted again.

"It's fine. You can go." You did your best to hold back any lingering tears. You had to physically turn Steve around yourself and push him towards the machine.

"Y/N, please, I can't-"

"Steve, they're waiting for you. It's okay, I promise." He finally started to walk away only to pause when you called out one more thing. "Oh, Steve?"

"Yeah?" He wore a solemn smile.

"I'll love you always."

You watched as he listened to Banner's instructions and bid farewell to Sam and Bucky. The bitter part of you wondered if Sam knew.

A strangled sob left your mouth as soon as Steve disappeared. All three men standing around the machine looked your way, Sam and Bucky running toward you to help.

"He should be back any second. It's fine!" Sam desperately tried to console you, but you knew it wouldn't work.

"Y/N. Y/N! Listen to me. Did Steve talk to you?" Bucky asked, ignoring Sam's bewildered expression.

You nodded pitifully.

"Did he explain-" You cut him off.

"He- he didn't ha-have time.: You stuttered as you tried desperately to gulp in air through the tears. "I did most of the talking. I needed him to know it was okay."

"To know what was okay?" Sam asked, still clearly confused.

The thought of explaining it only broke you down more. You would have fallen to the ground if not for Bucky catching you. Your body leaned into his.

"Doll..." Bucky shook his head. "You should have let him explain."

You choked on another sob just thinking about it.

"Shh, it's okay. You'll be okay." Bucky whispered in your ear, ignoring Sam's confused glares.

"Y/N..." The sound of Steve's voice echoed in your ears causing another painful sob to jolt through your body.

"Baby, please look at me."

You genuinely thought you were hallucinating when you opened your eyes to see Steve towering over you.

"Steve?" Your voice was barely a whisper.

"It's me, I'm here." He gently took you from Bucky's arms, cradling you close to him but leaning his head far enough away for you to look into your eyes.

"You came back..." Your tears slowed, gently falling down your cheeks as you stared at him wide-eyed.

"I was never planning to leave." He spoke while gently stroking your hair.

"B-but, you were talking to Bucky about going back?" Your tears gave way to confusion as you glanced between him and Bucky.

"Just to say goodbye." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, breathing in your scent. "I just thought she deserved a real goodbye."

New tears pooled in your eyes as you took in his words. "So, you never wanted to leave me?"

"I could never, and would never, leave you. I love you so much. I just wish I knew why you were holed up in your room sooner." He smiled at you, the same adoring smile he gave you the first time you met.

"I love you too. Always." You leaned into his embrace, relishing in the touch you thought you'd lost forever. He whispered his reply, clinging to you just as much as you were to him.

"Always."

a/n: today I discovered I am truly incapable of writing a sad ending. I just like the idea of escaping to a reality where Steve would never abandon me.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

[obeymeluv]

Quick! Kiss Me! [Part 2 - Lucifer]

So originally this was supposed to be multiple brothers per part but this got unexpectedly long and I only had the energy to get through Lucifer. I’ll definitely get to the other brothers. This project may take priority over the others until I get them all out. I know what I’ll be doing for Mammon’s, sort of for Levi’s, definitely for Satan’s, definitely for Beel’s, and I’m not quite 100% on Belphie’s or Asmo’s. Honestly, they’re not all supposed to get this long, but this one had some lead up + Lucifer. The other ones will probably be a couple of paragraph’s, maybe a page at most.

Note: The Thrall/The Call is something that came up in a Diavolo piece forever ago. Can’t even remember which one because I had to go back and find it myself. It’s basically one of their tell-tale signs they’re trying to seduce someone or flirt with someone.

Some of these kiss scenarios will get a little NSFW because the bros get to kiss you, have a crush on you, and are excited dorks. Everything under the cut just to be safe.

Any bolded italics are your/MC’s thoughts since you can’t currently speak.

Quick! Kiss Me! [Part 2]

--

After a few awkward moments of the brothers standing around, their hearts squeezing in their chests as they tried to hold back their individual Thralls to make your choice more neutral, they realized their wouldn’t be a choice. There couldn’t be. The lip color was too scrambled to work in such a small space with that many people. You’d just barely blinked and the brothers skittered off at inhumane speeds that made your skin crawl; in your human brain it was very much those ‘distant echoes of horror movie noises one should never hear.’ Lucifer turned so abruptly his cape snapped; he melted seamlessly into the natural darkness hiding around the House of Lamentation.

That was the starting gun for the others to disperse.

Belphie exploded into black wispy shadows, sinking into the floor. Asmodeus stretched his wings again, flapping leisurely towards his room as he blew you a teasing kiss. Satan’s eyes, somehow greener and more bewitching than ever, hesitated to leave you as he retreated up the steps, made it about three before deciding to jog, and finally teleported towards the top and around the corner, hints of his horns and a brief whip of his tail following him. A skin-prickling rumble sounded soon after; the fourth-born had embarrassed himself.

Levi sought the privacy of his room, as to be expected. He would die if he kissed you ANYWAYS, but to kiss you in front of his brothers?! He’d rather have a conversation with a stranger! Gross! He was more than happy to get his red face out of view and mumble…whatever he was talking about…into his handheld console.

Only Beel and Mammon remained.

You looked at them curiously, brows raised. Beel gave you his casual smile, a little humming laugh at this situation, and promptly picked Mammon up by the collar of his jacket as they walked away from the foyer area. It was clear the second-born would lounge around and maybe try to sucker into kissing him first. You’d like to think Beel was forcing him to hide so the lip color could give you an accurate reading, but you’d always wondered if the kind, ever-hungry brother got jealous. If he did, he never showed it (and for a guy with six brothers, that was impressive).

Brain and body calmed by the emptiness, by the fact that they were somewhere in the house, you set off on your quest for a kiss. No one’s going to believe this, you rolled your eyes, starting towards the right wing when a gust of cold air overtook you. A chilly numbness set in, nipping at your fingertips and pulsing in your lips and face enough to give you a headache. Not that way, you turned away sharply, the cold receding as you moved in the other direction. Some people have really cute ‘how did you meet?’ stories and mine was getting tricked into magic demon makeup that my boyfriend had to free me from, as you found yourself in the middle of a random hallway an aggravating realization set in: the House of Lamentation was so ornate and old that all the hallways looked the same.

Same walls, same tone of polished furniture, same light fixtures, and the carpeting was a given.

Hadn’t you already been down this hall?! Why was it when you really needed to find one of SEVEN people, you couldn’t find any of them?! You felt like you’d walked the whole house! The House of Lamentation was far bigger than it looked on the outside (was that even possible?) and now you were beginning to think the brothers picked the very corners of the house! You were honestly surprised the brothers hadn’t come looking for you. Some small part of you was too amused and couldn’t help but smile at the fact that centuries-old demons were freaking out and pacing in their hiding spots like schoolboys fixing to go on an overnight trip with their crush.

You shuffled forward, wondering what a positive response felt like. Time alone to just think was really odd, especially with how chaotic the Devildom could be, but it led to some really interesting thoughts. No one would believe the ‘magic demon makeup’ part of your story but you could lie and say it was a really intense game of Hot and Cold. Any of them would make good boyfriends, you admitted to yourself, glad none of them were around to see the pink in your cheeks. If one of them popped up, you’d just lie and blame it on the warm tingle prickling at your lips.

A warm tingle?! That was a lot like what you felt when your lips were sealing shut! You spun in a startled circle, not sure when the feeling began, and desperately tried for a stronger reaction. A prickle became a tingly bubble, like a glass of champagne going to your head too fast, and soon your body felt like it was floating, rolling on waves upon waves of a butterflies-in-my-stomach that washed you up in front of a door.

Inside you found…

Lucifer sitting at his desk, half-heartedly pouring over paperwork. You pushed the heavy door open, feeling like you’d pulled the curtain back on a privacy charm, and wiggled past the old wood. The lazy tapping of whatever he was writing with stopped, the eldest perking up like someone had set him free of the eternal coil of paperwork. If you hadn’t been looking at him while trying to pull your other leg through, you would’ve missed the boyish glow of hope, the they picked me! It’s me!, that was promptly devoured by his blossoming pride.

Face propped up on a gloved wrist, now lounging confidently back against his chair as his other wrist dangled off the arm, Lucifer invited you in with a sly smile and a beckoning roll of his fingers. You rolled your eyes. We both saw your heart stop. You don’t need this ‘tall, dark, and dom’ fake allure, you waved your hands about to emphasize the ‘allure’ as you flashed him a well-meaning smile. You felt pretty confident knowing you could fluster the first born, the one with the sin of pride.

It was actually really heart-warming to know he was so eager to be yours.

“This is no act, I assure you.” Lucifer abandoned his cloak on the back of the chair, undoing it with one hand as he rose to meet you. His wings unfurled slowly and softly, ever majestic, and feathered out to their full length. They shuddered and fluttered, blowing a gentle air about the room. His eyes, normally a gradient of red and black, looked completely red. Lucifer’s pupils had taken on some slit-like appearance that had flecks of black rimming the sides.

A purr rolled in his chest, something quiet but confident, enticing, as he waited for your hand. You found yourself hypnotized by his eyes—maybe for real?—dropping your hand delicately into his. The leather folded around your skin and you couldn’t look away, even as he brought it close to his chest and then higher still, like he’d put it on his shoulder. To pull you into a kiss as dramatic as this—in the quiet only surrounded by the sound of his wings and a purr and the fire crackling in the back of the room—was very Lucifer.

You stood on tiptoe, looking up at him expectantly. Hell, you even batted your eyelashes to really get at him.

WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Lucifer’s lips brushed your knuckles again in a stuttering kiss. He placed a few more open-mouthed kissed up your finger before the laughter took over him again. He knew exactly what he was doing, just like he knew what he was doing when he smoothed his hair back away from his face. “Have I left you speechless, my dear?” he’d started to stand to his full height, shit-eating smirk on his lips. His voice was wrapped in a sultry purr that was undoubtedly the first sin mankind ever heard.

That cool façade was strangled in the grip you had on his folded collar, bringing the first-born nose-to-nose with you. Lucifer was hardly intimidated by your glare but oh you were very darling.

BECAUSE YOU CAN’T AIM! Your nostrils flared as you pouted a bit. You’re supposed to kiss me HERE! You pointed to your lips.

“I can’t aim?” Lucifer’s wings twitched, probably in indignation. Were you implying he couldn’t do something? His lips twisted upwards in a little huff, the beginnings of a sneer even. All of that melted away when that large hand cupped the back of your head, fingers twining in your hair. You’d just registered the sensation when he brought your lips to his, head tilted and savoring the kiss.

It was a long with a slight suckle, the eldest truly indulging in this minuet of a moment compared to the usual chaos of his daily existence. He felt you sag against him, hooking his other arm around your waist to stumble towards his desk. You were an awkward clatter of bones against him, chest-to-chest, and one leg falling out of the chair, but you managed.

“This was how it was supposed to be,” Lucifer confessed softly, sitting you in the space he’d cleared for you. Literally. You just now realized the scant space on his desk was big enough for you to sit. He dragged the chair forward, your legs naturally coming to rest against the padded backing on either side of his waist. Lucifer tucked some hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek. “I wanted to kiss you this way,” but my pride got the best of me, he didn’t dare finish saying it, but he thought it.

You felt your lips open, swollen and beautifully tender. To breathe through them felt weird. They still tingled with the after-effect of the enchantment. Lucifer watched you lick your lips experimentally, draw in a breath, and allowed himself to be drawn in, too. You shared a few more languid kisses before his D.D.D started to go off.

You saw Mammon’s icon pop up, then Asmo’s. The brothers were looking for you. “That reminds me,” Lucifer patted your thigh before pushing himself away. He stole another kiss before rounding the corner of his desk. He opened the door just slightly, stepped out of the room, and bellowed something in demon tongue that had a clear message of finality ringing in the house. Whatever he’d said made him lock the door to his study with a quickness, a crimson spell burning into the wood.

Looking very much like a smug older brother, Lucifer dropped himself elegantly back in his chair. One hand situated your legs just as they had been, the other one pulling you close for good measure. He coaxed you into a few kittenish kisses, flinching against your lips when the banging started. You could hear Mammon complaining outside the door. A spell fizzled against the door; seems like Belphegor or Satan had fired one off. Content and exhausted, he found purchase in the curve of your neck, enjoying the silence and your scent.

“We’ll get through this.” You combed your fingers through his hair. You’d have to face the brothers eventually.

“I look forward to it.” Lucifer kissed your shoulder.      

[sladewilsonisanantihero]

The Original Intent of Terra and how Deathstroke got the bad end of the stick for it

Okay, Deathstroke Children (Idk what to call you guys because fellow Deathstrokers would end this conversation immediately), I found the time to do this, so let's get to it!

(Note: My original laptop broke with my comics, so I have no images to spare, so it will be sourced. Another note: Many words will be in bold. Partly so that for those reading will not lose track.)

But if tl;dr:

Cold Hard Truth: Everyone from Terra fans to Deathstroke fans needs to stop seeing these characters as real people.

Original Terra wasn't human trafficked or whatever sob story people want to label her with. The CREATORS intended her to be written as Evil without the mental illness and to die for the shock value. They had Raven, The Literal Empath, spell this out in Judas Contract. As for Deathstroke's involvement, he was shoved into her creation story, and Marv Wolfman himself recognized his mistake in doing that.

And for those calling Deathstroke a nazi, Original Terra had nazi-like beliefs where common people should fear and serve them or be killed off just because they're 'special'. Again, BLUNTLY stated in the Judas Contract. So if you're going to call Deathstroke a Pedophile, we'll call OG Terra a Neo-Nazi. (But I highly advice for Deathstroke Fans to not start that kind of war, but I had to say what I had to say.)

Don't get me wrong. (Hopefully all) Deathstroke fans know that their relationship was wrong just like Marv Wolfman, and we do not support pedophiles! But Slade isn't a pedophile! He was never intended to be written as one! It was a mistake made on many levels and should be rewritten like OG Terra's Evil Neo-Nazi-like personality, instead of being thrown into cancel culture.

Also for Deathstroke fans, don't get upset over their content and begin any argument emotionally. Just enjoy whatever good content we can get and support it if you can. Hopefully we'll get our Deathstroke movies and so on!

So I've briefly chatted with one of you over the matter with Terra/Tara Markov and how upsetting it is about how people refer to Slade Wilson as a Pedophile. That is a serious accusation that would make it very uncomfortable to argue about since it can easily make it seem like we justify the actions of pedophiles, and that we are part of pedophile culture that does exist in social media space.

AND WE SHOULDN'T, AND FOR ANTIS READING THIS WE WON'T.

But there was a time when I used to have a blog called friendlyremindersofsladewilson, where I defended Slade and put the blame all on Terra. I was 14 at the time, and looking back at it, I am not proud of it because I realized now as an adult how I defended it for most of the wrong reasons, but still stand with the fact that SLADE IS NOT A PEDOPHILE.

And since this took place when I was so young, it compelled me to write this post because I fear some of you are really young, too, and may end up in this regretful position.

So to make it clear, what Slade had been written to do is a crime, and we should acknowledge it, but not in the way as if it was a crime acted out in real life.

What I mean by that is that there's a clear separation between fiction and reality where one isn't real (Duh!). In this case, it's about the mistakes made between fiction and reality. In reality, mistakes made by the person responsible is on the person. In fiction, mistakes made is dependent on the creator's intent, and sometimes the creators can make mistakes themselves.

Most notably Terra's:

Tara Markov/Terra was created by Marv Wolfman and George Perez.

In Marv Wolfman's literal website, he stated in his online "What the-?" column:

"Which leads to Terra. That was easy. George and I wanted a Titan who betrayed the others. we also wanted to play against every reader conception of who characters are. George and I knew her whole story before we began and we knew she would die. We set the story up with her trying to destroy the Statue of Liberty to show she was the bad girl, but we knew if George drew her as a cute kid everyone would simply assume she would be ‘turned’ from the dark side because that’s the way it was always done which is why that wouldn’t be the way we did it. Tara was insane an stayed that way right until the moment she died. By the way, she IS dead. I don’t know what other writers will do with her – if anything – but if they want to honor the original series they will leave her dead. The Terra from Team Titans was – as stated – some kid the villain kidnapped and physically and mentally altered her into looking and acting like the original. But she was NEVER the real Terra."

And it should also be noted that he stated before this statement that:

"...Only mistake I think I made with him is having him have a physical relationship with the 16 year old Tara Markov. That was wrong."

So Marv Wolfman himself recognizes that what he did was a mistake, but his intent on Terra was never to write a victim.

And quick note: Insanity isn't written as a mental illness here. It's written like how many villains are labeled as insane for having skewed beliefs that deviates from the common good.

Terra truly had some nazi-like beliefs where she BELIEVED that everyone who wasn't 'special' like her and the Teen Titans deserved to be treated like shit because they weren't 'special' like them. She bluntly said it herself in the Judas Contract.

As for George Perez's comment in an interview I found in this website:

"GEORGE: Tara was just a cute little girl, although I based a little bit of that on my wife Carol’s sister, Barbara. A little upturned nose… Barbara does not have the teeth that Tara had. I wanted Tara to be a girl who looked normal. Which also means her death caught everyone even more offguard.

Tara, she was made to be killed; she served her purpose. That was it.

ANDY: You didn ‘t get any attachment to Tara?

GEORGE: No, because I knew we were going to kill her. So I deliberately used all the things to make her as likeable and cute as possible, so people would never believe we were going to kill a sixteen-year-old. And she was a sixteen-year-old sociopath. She was one of our cleverest gimmicks; we deliberately created her in order to lead everyone astray. So we couldn’t build any fondness for her, ’cause we knew full well what her whole motive for existence was. Her existence was basically to keep the stories interesting; we were tossing a curve that no one would have expected.

ANDY: You didn ‘t even love to hate her, huh?

GEORGE: No. I loved handling her, because she was such a good idea. But she was an idea. Not as much a person. She was there to show exactly how much their humanity can be one thing they have to be careful about, the Teen Titans have to be careful about. . . they can be too trusting, or their own weaknesses can be used against them."

Terra was supposed to be a representation of An Evil Betrayal of Trust and That Not All Cute Girls Are Good.

But they took it too far by making her sleep with Deathstroke because they wanted to truly make her look evil by literally sleeping with the enemy. Y'know because this was the 80s, and women having sex was an evil act back then, and that point of view has somewhat or barely improved 40 years later.

Deathstroke was just shoved into this idea, and Marv tried and perhaps failed at trying to undo this mistake with his talk with Beastboy (Tales of the Teen Titans issue #55) and before his confrontation from Wintergreen (Deathstroke (1991); Chapter 35).

So just as I had stated at the top in the tl;dr, it was a mistake made on many levels and should have been rewritten out just as many had done with OG Terra's true personality, and be done with it.

Random person: "He still slept with a 16-year-old."

And it's not that hard to make other heroes and villains do this mistake. Because again, it's all fiction. Deathstroke's fictional. As in Not Real, so we could literally undo the damage by rewriting this mistake. Or make it worse by making Terra the rapist by her using her Earth powers to bind Slade down and force him, and you can't deny that it's plausible. Because she's fictional. Anything can happen. So why didn't Slade tell Beastboy whether he slept with her or not, maybe it was because he really didn't want to but he was forced into it. And that's just something you can't dump on a very emotional man who was trying to kill you a moment ago.

ALL THE POSSIBILITIES BECAUSE IT'S FICITIONAL!

But ANYWAY, I went way too dark there.

Ending on a brighter note: Personally to all Deathstroke fans, please value your mental health, please don't start any arguments that'll compromise it, and continue supporting Deathstroke in whatever way you can!

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: fluff like unbelievably fluffy!

word count: 6.1

here's the playlist for the fic, the last song in the playlist if looped will lead right into Amoreena at the beginning and it works pretty well timing-wise if you like to listen while you read !!

from the beginning <3

All their bags were packed by Friday morning, Y/N and Amoreena waking up extra early with excitement for the weekend ahead of them, and they didn’t even know what was going to happen yet.

Y/N made sure everything was packed and ready for a 3rd time on Saturday morning, right before they left on the trip; making sure they had sunscreen and aloe vera, all her medicine and ginger ale by the pack for her random bouts of morning sickness that lasted all, day, long... And their dresses and his suit hanging behind the driver's seat, beside Amoreena, they all piled into Y/N’s car and took off down the road on their adventure.

Amoreena was awake for the first half of the 9-hour trip, singing like crazy as they drove through Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York, it was so amazing she couldn’t stop cheering the whole time. It was more than she’s ever seen before, even though they lived so close to New York, she’s never been through it before.

Once they arrived in Rhode Island, Spencer pulled over at the closest gas station to make sure the girls were all prepared and ready for the big surprise he had for them. They filled the car, used the restroom and bought some lemonade before getting back into the car, he turned in the driver's seat to see Amoreena and Y/N better, looking at their wide eyes memorizing the calmness in their faces before he told them.

He didn’t want them to freak out too much, he was worried about Y/N’s blood pressure and how loud she might scream and any stress that a situation like this could put on her body. He’s seen how people react to Taylor Swift, he just didn’t know how they would.

“Now, I'm only telling you so you don't freak out," he repeated the same worry she had when she broke the news of the baby, "I didn’t have to rent a place on the water because my friend lives up here, so we’re going to stay in her guest house,” he explained it simply.

“Rossi's wife?” Y/N asked, confused about who it could be and if she knew this woman yet.

“No, actually I think you might know her, her name is Taylor?”

“No,” she shakes her head furiously, “no, nope, there's no way you did this, Spencer Walter Reid I am not kidding I’m going to pass away if I see her.” She's holding both her hands in fists as she tries to stay calm, closing her eyes quickly before letting out a deep sigh.

“Taylor who?” Amoreena yells, undoing her seatbelt and standing between their seats, she almost jumps into his lap as she leans over and grabs a fistful of his shirt, “Taylor WHO?”

“Go get in your seat and I’ll show you,” he teases, watching her follow orders and get back in the seat as quickly as possible, shouting at him to drive the second he hears the seatbelt click again.

Y/N is completely speechless for the next 20 minutes of the drive, eyes wide and a hand on her stomach as she stares out the front window. She’s like a statue, not able to hear anything Amoreena is saying but that doesn't stop her from going on and on with her stories.

“Mom!” She’s finally able to break her out of the haze, “pass me your phone!”

“Yeah,” she doesn’t even question it, handing her the phone back to the antsy 7-year-old so she could continue her internal panic.

They see her house on the hill as they approach, “holy shit,” Y/N whispers as Amoreena turns on the last great American dynasty, knowing exactly where they were going.

Taylor asked for his licence plate number and car model when they were emailing, letting her gate guy know to let Spencer right in so he could keep it a secret. But they knew the house, there was no point in not telling them. Y/N looked a little relieved that he gave her the time to freak out alone and not as soon as they crested the hill.

Her driveway felt never-ending as they got closer and closer, Amoreena was still in disbelief as she squealed in the back seat, hands flailing as she tried to calm the excitement inside her body with her favourite stim.

Then Taylor walked out into the front yard and Y/N was a mess. Crying as she waved her hand in front of her face, not wanting to be a mess in front of Taylor fucking Swift, “I told you nothing crazy! How did you do this?”

“Yes, but I said 'define crazy’ and you didn’t,” he reminds her with a cheeky smile.

She shoves him, “I didn’t think you could do this?!”

Once they’re parked the door automatically unlocked, and as much as spencer hated that non-safety feature, he's glad Amoreena can get out quickly before she's screaming bloody murder. Amoreena is out the door and in Taylor’s arms faster than they’ve ever seen her move, she should be a track star. It almost knocks Taylor to the ground as she takes her in, holding the sweet little girl against her chest with the biggest smile on her face. Amoreena snuggles right into her, with a hand on her cheek and her other arm wrapped behind her neck. She couldn't be any closer to her, it was like she was her favourite relative who she hasn't seen in a while.

Amoreena is talking her ear off already by the time Spencer’s helping Y/N out of the car and walking her to Taylor, she’s holding his hand like she’s going to pass out or something, “and this is my mom Y/N and my dad Spencer but somehow you know him already,” Amoreena introduces her.

“Hi, Y/N, it's a pleasure to meet you, Spencer's told me a lot about you.” Taylor’s sweet voice saying her name alone makes her stutter out a bunch of nonsense, not to mention the fact Spencer's been talking to Taylor fucking Swift about her.

Amoreena moves out of the way for Taylor to wrap her up in a hug, and Y/N cries harder than he’s ever seen on her shoulder, “thank you,” is all she can say, it’s frightening to Amoreena at first to see her mom cry like that but she knows her mom just loves Taylor like family.

What she doesn’t know is just how much Taylor saved her life. If she didn’t have someone to listen to, someone to take the pain and replace it with hope, she wouldn’t be here and by default neither would Amoreena. Spencer owed everything to Taylor swift at this point, she was a blessing in his life that he took for granted. Not realizing until that moment just how much she meant to him as well now.

“Sorry,” Y/N finally says as she pulls off her, “I’m pregnant, I can’t help it.”

Taylor’s hands fly right to her stomach, “holy crap, you never told me that she’s pregnant in your emails, oh my god!” She’s genuinely so happy for them, “how far along are you?”

“6 weeks on Sunday,” she smiles, feeling like herself again even though it’s incredibly strange to be telling Taylor before her parents even knew. “No one really knows, it’s all very new but when you know, you know… y’know?”

For a woman with an English language degree, she sure knew how to make a sentence, all of them laughing at the words she chose, but they understood.

“We should have used paper rings!” Amoreena yells, holding her hand over her eyes in disbelief as she shares her head with a sigh, she couldn’t believe she forgot that song existed.

It made Taylor laugh, scooping the little one up in her arms and starting the walk inside.

“Well come on in, I’ve got a big lunch spread ready for us and then we can go to the beach for the ceremony whenever you want this weekend, does that sound good?” Taylor is beyond excited to make new friends, much like Amoreena, they got along famously.

“Where are the cats? Do they live here or in LA or Nashville?” Amoreena changed the topic in the form of a yes and proving just how much she knew about Taylor.

“They’re here, Olivia and Benjamin will probably find us soon, Meredith isn’t very open to new friends now that she’s an old lady,” Taylor explained as she set Amoreena down in the entryway, bending down to be at her level and pointing off into the living room, “oh, see, there one is!”

Amoreena saw one of them laying on the floor under a sunny spot, running to it and petting it gently, “hi Benjamin, I loved you in the ME video,” she whispers as she pets him, making Taylor swoon.

“She’s amazing,” Taylor swooned, “I can’t wait to have one.”

“You should!” Y/N agreed, reaching to take Taylor's hand on impulse, and Taylor held it back with a smile, “oh that would be so wonderful, I can just imagine the beautiful stories you’ll create when you discover what it’s like to love someone how your mom loves you.”

Taylor’s smile was priceless, "that's the best way to think about it," she beamed at Y/N the way Spencer did, she had that effect on people. They followed her into the dining room, taking a seat near each other and digging into all the food Taylor made for them.

“Ah,” Amoreena said as she finally joined them, sitting on her knees on Taylors nice antique chairs. “Shark coochie,” she whispers the words to herself, not able to stop her mind from repeating it, but still not wanting Taylor to hear it in case it was inappropriate. She was incredibly well-mannered for someone who had a hard time reading social queues.

“It’s a hard word to say,” Taylor agreed, making her feel less awkward. Spencer may have told her about her autism in advance, wanting his little girl to be respected by everyone she met, for who she truly was, “my mom called it a coochie spread once, actually, she's going to be over tomorrow for father's day.”

"Yes! Oh, I love Andrea," Amoreena laughed at how cool this day was, smiling at Taylor the way she smiled at him that first morning at breakfast like she just found yet another person to love. “You’re so wonderful, Taylor.”

“Oh, thank you, you're pretty enchanting yourself,” she smiles, “I take it you’ve known about me for your whole life?”

“Yep,” she smiled, reaching for a chocolate-covered strawberry and taking a huge bite, covering her mouth before she continued, “I was born a month after Red came out, November thirteenth, it really is a lucky number now, mom says so at least.”

“It is!” Taylor agreed with a smile, “I have some markers, do you want to wear matching 13’s today?”

“Mom, can I colour on my hand?” She turns so fast Spencer thinks she’ll get whiplash.

“Yeah, go for it!” She agrees, spreading cream cheese on a croissant and layering tomatoes on top, definitely pregnant.

So Taylor gets a marker and both their left hands now have matching numbers. Amoreena asks to take a million photos, eventually just taking Y/N’s phone from her, permanently, to take photos of all her favourite things around the house.

She runs off with the cats at a certain point, giving Y/N a chance to thank Taylor without tiny ears listening in. “Can I get really emotional and tell you how much you mean to me or is that too weird for our first chat?”

“Not weird at all, knowing you’ve used my music to raise that beautiful child makes me love you just as much, I’d love to hear why you picked me, of all musicians, to show her how to love,” Taylor replies, as regal and kindly as humanly possible.

“My first fiancé, Stephen, he was actually like an angel and our first kiss was quite literally in the rain, but he passed away in 2010,” she explained it with a smile so Taylor knew it wasn’t a touchy subject anymore, “I bonded with Fearless in a way I can’t even describe to you, it’s my life, he was my superstar, and white horse, I mean come on, I can’t tell you how many times I cried to that after he died but it helped me not feel alone. I wouldn’t be who I am without Fearless, and then Speak Now was there for me when I needed a good cry, Last Kiss really broke me but it wasn’t until Lover came out that I realized I could find someone again, and it’s always just like you released things as I needed them like you were helping me through all the bad things,” she’s never even told Spencer all this, it was special to him that he got to give her this moment.

“When you re-released it with the vault songs, I met Spencer literally a month later. I cried my eyes out to you all over me, but That’s When makes me think of Spencer and now the whole album has a new memory in my heart that’s better. It's just like why you re-released it, to replace the bad things that happened that took all the happiness out of something you cared so much about." Y/N took a second to breathe, shaky as she got to the end of her rant that she seemed to have prepared in the 20 minutes before she had to talk to her.

"I love you, honestly. You’re my best friend and you didn’t even know me then, but you’ve held my hand through it all, so thank you,” she cried a little, holding her belly with one hand as she tried to hold the tears in.

Taylor was out of her chair and in Y/N’s arms within seconds, crying into her arms as she held her. She rubbed Y/N’s back as she cried too, “I’m so sorry that happened, but I’m glad I could be there.”

“Do you want to be this baby's godmother?” She asks on impulse without even asking Spencer if he’s okay with it, he was, it made him laugh.

“Eleonora Taylor Reid,” Spencer says from across the table, making them both turn to him with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Y/N agrees fast, “that's the name if it’s a girl, if it’s a boy he can be Taylor as well?”

“Holy shit,” Taylor smiled wide, “yes, I want to come to visit the farm and buy them baby gifts and throw you a baby shower! I inadvertently helped make them so it’s only fair.”

“Hopefully she gets your voice too, Y/N,” Spencer adds and Y/N shoots him a panicked glance, “it’s the Taylor legacy to be a good singer.”

“You can sing?” The question Y/N feared coming past Taylor's lovely vocal cords, almost on queue.

Y/N can't help but glare at spencer, he had too many tricks up his sleeve and she was at her limit.

“Yes,” Y/N finally answers, “I was going to go to theatre school, but I switched to become a Librarian, I’m not good with crowds or competition and that's basically what the industry depends on. I like the quiet, telling stories on paper is just as easy as singing it to a crowd.”

“That's fair,” Taylor agreed, “would you and Amoreena like to sing some song with me? I have my guitar or the piano? I’m not used to having new friends over without sharing at least 1 song with them. I’m sure you’ve seen my listening parties?” She was really trying to convince her to sing, Spencer knew why and what she had planned.

Amoreena came running in then, “I can play piano too, can we do the long live new year's day from the tour movie?” She rests her hands on Taylor's arm, looking up at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes.

“Of course, come on,” she says taking Amoreena’s hand and rushing into the piano room. “Here, we’ll record it too,” she offered, setting her phone up on the music stand to capture the moment forever.

They sat side by side on the bench, Amoreena showing her how she could play the opening perfectly and surprising Spencer. He knew they had a piano at home, he’s just never seen her play it before.

“She has perfect pitch,” Y/N bragged, “she can play a song after hearing it once.”

“Really?” Spencer had no idea, unbelievably proud of her as he listened to her play.

She’s quietly playing the intro to Long Live as Taylor watches, joining in with the harmony of New Year's Day, “this one reminds me of my mom and dad.”

“Does it?” Taylor coo’s, smiling at her softly as Y/N tries not to cry beside Spencer.

“They’re the knight and the princess of our kingdom,” she explained before the two of them started singing the words together, like they always have, only Taylor was beside her and not just on the TV.

“I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind, the time we stood with our shaking hands, the crowds in the stands went wild,” Amoreena’s tiny voice lead-in, fearlessly as she played away.

“We were the Kings and the Queens, and they read off our names, the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same... You held your head like a hero, on a history book page... It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age,” Spencer couldn’t help but cry as she sang with Taylor.

This was on the concert movie, he showed her after school, this song came on and she was silent, listening to the words as she stared at him and then back at the TV. Her mind was connecting little dots, making a story about her mom and dad being the king and the queen, it all made sense now.

“Long live the walls we crashed through, how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you, I was screaming long live, all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid,

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life, fighting dragons with you, I was screaming long live, that look on your face, and bring on all the pretenders, one day, we will be remembered,”

Their fingers moved in sync on the keys as they harmonized almost perfectly, she wasn’t kidding about Amoreena having perfect pitch. She knew all the words and sang them almost louder than Taylor.

“And hold on to spinning around, confetti, falls to the ground. May these memories break our fall…”

The piano changes, the cords softer as they move into a new song, smiling at her mom and dad like she knew something. She had no idea what happened the night of the fake wedding, just that they had a party without her.

“And hold on… To spinning around… Confetti… Falls to the ground…”

Spencer wraps his arms around Y/N then, resting his chin on her shoulder as they sway to the tune, she’s barely whispering the words beside him as she smiles as her baby.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor, you and me from the night before, but… Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared and you're turning away. I want, your midnights, I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

Y/N’s hands rest on top of Spencer’s, she squeezes them three times, right before the next lyric.

“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi, I can tell that it's gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home,

Don't read the last page, but I stay, when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes. I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on, to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the two of them chanting along with Taylor in beautiful harmony, Spencer felt like he was in heaven among the angels, but for real this time. “And I will hold on to you…”

The piano is so soft, it’s just Amoreena’s fingers hitting them as Taylor goes silent, letting her take the lead with a soft smile, “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere. Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere.”

They stop for just a moment for Amoreena to smile up at Taylor, just like the break in the concert, “I really do love you,” she reminds them all before playing again.

“We love you, too, sweet girl,” Taylor replies for them using the same nickname for her because it was the truth. She was the sweetest girl, that Amoreena.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor. You and me forevermore, don't read the last page, but I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes and I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the girls all chant together, swaying back and forth to the rhythm before taking different parts in the song like they’ve planned it before.

“And Long live,” Taylor takes the one song, while Amoreena takes the other.

Please don't ever become a stranger…

The walls we crashed through..

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…

I had the time of my life

Please don't ever become a stranger…

With you…

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…"

Amoreena plays the rest, smiling wide at the best day of her life. Meaning every single word she’s saying. “And Long live, the walls we crashed through. I had the time of my life… With you…” Amoreena ends with a few extra notes, making Taylor smile as she held her in a side hug.

She turns back to the piano then, starting to play Amoreena by Elton John. “No way..” Y/N gasps, before getting ready to sing along with all the confidence in the world, alongside Taylor Swift of all people.

“It’s just that; Lately, I've been thinking, how much I miss my lady, Amoreena's in the hayfield, brightening the daybreak,” Taylor changes some of the words, much to Y/N surprise.

“Livin’ like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child! And when it rains, the rain falls down… washing out the cattle town… and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown… And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean… Laughing, fit to burst, upon each other…”

Y/N turns to Spencer then, singing to him softly as she wraps her arms around him and sways her hips to the song, pressing against him like they were in the movie Dirty Dancing, something she’s always wanted to do, clearly, with the smile on her face as she sings.

“I can see you sittin’, eatin’, apples in the evenin’. Fruit juice, flowing slowly, slowly, slowly down the bronze of your body. Livin’, like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child.”

Amoreena’s voice was the loudest in the chorus, this was her song after all. She belted it out like it was made for her.

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! And she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by! When we would lean, laughing, fit to burst upon each other…”

Spencer knew the words as well, who didn’t? It was Elton John's best song. He hugged Y/N, snuggling into the crook of her neck as they twirled in Taylor Swift's living room, swaying with her, forgetting they weren’t alone for a moment.

“Oh, if only I could nestle, in the cradle of your cabin. My arm's around your shoulder, oh… The window wide and open, while the swallow and the sycamore, whoa! Are playing in the valley. Oh, I miss you, Amoreena, like the king bee misses honey!”

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean! Laughing, fit to burst upon each other, oooh!”

Amoreena and Taylor playing the iconic piano solo together, Y/N can’t help but move in closer to watch over her little girls shoulders.

“Lately, I've been thinking… How much I miss my lady… Amoreena's in a cornfield, brightening the daybreak. Livin’, like a lusty flower! Runnin; through the grass for hours! Rollin’ through the hay, woah! Like a puppy, like a puppy, child…” Y/N’s voice loud enough to be on the recording Taylor was making as the song ended.

Taylor stopped it then, just as Y/N swore, “holy shit, that was the coolest thing that’s ever happened in my whole life.”

“Mom,” Amoreena looked at her like she broke the law or something, “you don’t swear in front of her…” she mumbled.

Taylor laughed, wrapping her up in another hug, “have you heard champagne problems? It’s okay for big kids to swear here,” she teased her.

They laughed like they were family like they’ve been there before and were always meant to return. Something just clicked with them, and without a doubt, they’d be returning. Taylor Swift of all people slipped right into their little life, filling the shoes of big sister, best friend and coolest aunt in the world all in one day.

It was the most perfect afternoon.

—

Just before the sunset, they all changed into their wedding attire. Meeting out on the beach for their small, extremely intimate wedding ceremony with miss Taylor Swift. Getting it out of the way so they could have the whole weekend for whatever Taylor had planned for them. She said she had a few surprises up her sleeve still.

They filled out all the paperwork required on Taylor's kitchen table beforehand, she had all the right documents from when she registered to ordain online. All they had to do was submit it at town hall and they’d be legally married.

But it didn’t matter to them, this was enough.

Taylor and Amoreena stood side by side at a homemade arch on the beachfront that Taylor owned, waiting patiently for Spencer and Y/N to walk down the fake aisle, hand in hand. They couldn’t stop smiling as they saw Amoreena at the end, a big smile on her face as she bounced with excitement.

They reached the end, turning to each other, Amoreena took Y/N’s bouquet, it was her duty as maid of honour and best man.

“Spencer and I have been emailing for 2 weeks about today, he’s been filling me in little by little about you both as he got to know you, I’ve really gotten to see his love for you in the form of letters,” Taylor described with a large smile on her face.

Y/N looks at him with an open mouth, shocked as she shakes her head in disbelief at him. “You’re kidding, is she who emailed you when we had lunch 2 weeks ago?”

Spencer nodded with another cheeky smile, “she emailed me as you told me not to plan anything too crazy.”

Y/N just laughed at the insanity, “sorry Taylor, please continue.”

“It’s okay,” she laughed along, “it’s actually kind of interesting how Amoreena picked long live and New Year’s Day to sing because from what I’ve learned about you both, the intermission poem from that tour really was written for you, somehow. Almost like by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance…”

Y/n’s eyed do that thing they always do when she’s remembering something she’s heard before, finding the exact filing cabinet in her mind and opening it. She finds the words.

“When she fell, she fell apart. Cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated as a child with sidewalk chalk,” she starts the poem with a small nod, letting Taylor continue the monologue in the form of vows.

“When’s she crashed, her clothes disintegrated. And blew away with the winds that took all of her fair-weather friends, family and lovers. When she looked around her skin was spattered with ink. Forming the words of a thousand voices, echoes she heard even in her sleep: whatever you say, it is not right. Whatever you do, it is not enough. Your kindness is fake. Your pain is manipulative.”

Y/N hasn’t watched the concert recently, unlike Spencer. She didn’t realize how much it sounded like them. Spencer, however, spotted the coincidences the second he heard it that night with Amoreena. Telling Taylor, explaining in detail how Maeve and Stephen were their personal last kiss storylines, but they’ve found a lover in each other. Cheesy, but it was the best way he could describe it.

“When she lay there on the ground she dreamed of time machines and revenge. And a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.”

She turned her attention to Spencer, replacing the pronouns to fit him for the next part, Y/N looked at him already knowing why, smiling as she made the connection in her mind.

“When he finally rose, he rose slowly. Avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies. Wary of phone calls and promises, charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes.

When he stood, he stood with a desolate knowingness, waded out into the dark wild oceans up to his neck. Bathed in his brokenness. Said a prayer of gratitude, for each chink in the armour he never knew he needed.

Standing broad-shouldered next to him, was a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.

When they turned to go home, they heard echoes of new words: may your heart remain breakable but never by the same hand twice. And even louder: without your past, you could never have arrived so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance… here.”

“What she said,” Y/N says with a quick giggle, leaning in as she laughs, taking him down in a giggle fit with her.

Amoreena’s lightly tugging on Taylor’s dress then, “you have to say it, please you can’t not say it, I had this planned out before I even knew you’d beee here…” she whispers like Taylor has any clue what she’s talking about.

Y/N just starts to shake her head with a smile, “I think she means the speak now bridge,” she reminds her.

“Ahh,” she smiles, picking Amoreena up to be at eye level with them all, she sings. “I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold, your, pee-E-eeace,” she sings it exactly like it is on the album, almost as if she’s been practicing to release it again…

“There’s the silence there’s my last chance, I stand up with shaking hands all eyes, on me,” Amoreena lightly signs right back. “Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you!”

Spencer laughs then too, smiling at his little girl living out the fantasy of a lifetime, seeing her mom dressed like a princess and marrying the broken knight with rusty armour, while Taylor Swift of all people holds her. Nothing about the life they had together felt real, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I think it’s only fair if I get a say in who marries my mom because I’ve known her the longest,” she adds, “and I’m not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on this white veil occasion, but you happen to be the best dad in the whole world, so I think it’s cool that you love my mom.”

Y/N lets out a choked sob, she clearly had no idea that Amoreena was planning to say all that, but of course, she was. She knew all about every single Disney princess wedding, every fairytale ending and happily ever after, Taylor has helped her learn about love and vows and true feelings that cannot be stopped.

She knew what to say and she meant every word.

Spencer reaches out to take Amoreena from Taylor, holding her in his arms instead as Y/N snuggled in close to them, both his girls in his arms.

“I think it’s only fair I give some vows to you as well, I’m committing my whole life to this family, you should know how much that means I love you, too, Amoreena.” She snuggles in closer to his neck as she holds him back, Y/N’s head resting on his other shoulder.

“Till the day I die, I am going to be here for you: with unconditional love, with the best stories and the best morning cuddles. I don’t care if you pull me out of bed at 5 in the morning to feed the goats, or the chickens or just because you think the sun looks pretty and want me to see it too. I love you Amoreena, you’ve completed my life."

"Do you remember that day you asked me to be your dad?” his voice is so soft as he bumps her cheek with his nose.

She wipes her tears as she pulls away from his shoulder, overly emotional at the events of the day and extremely tired from the excitement she let out earlier. She nods softly, “I meant it.”

“I know honey,” he can’t help but start to cry a little as well, dropping his manly facade and being real with her. She deserved to see exactly what she meant to him, “I watched you pouring glitter glue all over that table, making the biggest mess ever, but it made me think… I had a hole in my heart for so many years, there was a part of me missing for so, so, so long, and then I found a little Eden by beautiful little kingdom, and the fairest lady in all the land took me in, and she patched up my broken heart with glitter glue.”

Amoreena tried to smile the tears away, sniffling as she tried to nod, “that's how I felt when you told me I could pick you to be my dad.”

Y/N was a sobbing mess, having to crouch down to her knees as she let it all out, steadying herself by holding onto Spencer’s leg like a child would at that height, “is she okay?” Amoreena worried.

“Your mom loves us so much, and the baby does too, so it’s making her a bit more emotional than normal,” he explains, wishing he could scoop Y/N up and hold her as well.

She wipes the tears from her face as she calms herself down and stands back up with help from Taylor, “thank you,” she manages to whisper to her with a smile.

She’s also been crying, watching the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. A family built on true love coming together, using her songs to form a bond that she’d never understand.

And she didn’t want to, some stories were best kept in families, to be sent down the line, generation after generation, to fall into the lap of someone like her one day and create a whole world with it.

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband, wife and daughter, the royal Reid family,” Taylor’s voice is soft as she plays along with Amoreena’s fantasy land, hushed to match the moment as Spencer leaned in to kiss Y/N.

Amoreena doesn’t cry out in disgust this time, instead, resting her head on her dad's shoulder as she watched them peck each other's lips gently. Watching a fairytale happy ending unfold in front of her very eyes, blessed to be the result of this happy union.

...

A/N: my anon is on now if anyone wants to come talk about the fic with me!! i love to share little hc's and things with you over here (also this was the original planned ending I wasn't going to continue past here but I'm probably going to write this for the next 10 years its too fun not to)

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Inukag Royalty Au

Queen Higurashi looked up after reading the letter. “What is the meaning of this Sango?” Her voice straining against lashing out in a mix of anger and confusion. “Prepare a wedding? For whom, Kagome? But where is Kagome?”

“I am very sorry your majesty,” Sango bowed, “but I am only the messenger for the Inutaisho. He didn’t tell me all the details either.”

The instructions sent by letter and stamped with the Inutaisho’s official seal explained that the Higurashi’s should prepare a secret wedding ceremony. It was a brief letter and requested the only other person that should be in attendance besides the royal family was the priest. All the trappings of a traditional royal wedding affair would not take place, such as inviting the nobles or holding a large ball to celebrate. It was important to maintain a secrecy.

“Then you tell me everything that you do know!” The King snapped. “This is our daughter!”

“I understand, your majesty, I really do. But I am doing this to protect the Princess. I agree with the Inutaisho that there is a potential spy, but we don’t know who or where they are to have found out about the cancelled marriage arrangement. So, secrecy is our only protection. Please just know the Princess is safe and everything will be made clear when the Inutaisho arrives here in a week.”

“Do you truly believe this spy exists?” The queen questioned the young woman.

Sango stood tall and firm in her conviction. “Yes, your majesty. I do.”

The queen and king shared a silent conversation before turning back to the attendant. “Very well, we will honor the Inutaisho’s request. But is there really nothing else we should be preparing? What will Kagome wear? Are no flowers needed?”

Sango shook her head. “If there really is a spy in our midst, ordering such things will raise suspicions and I got the impression that the Inutaisho will make sure anything else required will be taken care of. Right now, the important thing to do is act as normally as possible until they arrive.”

King and Queen Higurashi were concerned, but in the end, they knew Sango was loyal to their daughter and would never do anything that could put her in harm’s way. So, they chose to trust her. It had already been a shock to them to learn their daughter had been living an assumed life in the Inu kingdom but were even more confused on how the Inutaisho became involved. It was a relief in a way, despite not knowing all the details because King Naraku was not someone they’d want their daughter to marry. They’d been threatened with force if they hadn’t agreed to the marriage, so this might just be their saving grace. Their trusted priest was contacted and sworn to secrecy, to be ready in about a week’s time to perform a marriage ceremony, with the only other person told anything being their younger son Souta. The young man was less concerned over his sister’s whereabouts all this time and simply happy that he’ll be seeing her again.

And right as expected, a week later the castle guards were notified of the Inutaisho’s arrival. But not just the King, a full entourage including the whole royal family. The castle’s staff was sent into a full frenzy to ready enough sleeping quarters for the royals, and a meeting room was also readied so the two families could finally sort out just what in the world was going on.

Kagome led the Inu family into the meeting room and immediately upon seeing her mother the tears began to pool in her eyes from all the guilt of putting them through this. She rushed over and hugged the queen.

“I’m sorry for running away,” she quietly whimpered into her mother’s shoulder. “This is all my fault.”

“Oh, my dear, please don’t blame yourself.” The woman rubbed her hand up and down in a soothing manner along Kagome’s back. “We were partially to blame as well. Now dear,” the woman pulled away and cupped her daughter’s cheek while wiping away the tears. “Please tell us what is going on.”

Kagome looked back and gestured for Inuyasha to come to her. “It will all be explained, but first I’d like you to meet his son, prince Inuyasha.”

“Your majesty’s,” the man bowed his head to the royals.

“It is nice to finally meet you, prince Inuyasha,” the king and queen smiled at the handsome man.

Kagome then took Inuyasha’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “Mom, Inuyasha is the man I’ll be marrying.”

Her parent’s eyes widened. They’d suspected it, but to have it confirmed was a joy! “Oh, thank the gods!” The queen smiled. “But how did this happen?”

It was at this point that the Inutaisho stepped forward. “We should first discuss the more pressing issue that’s brought us here today.”

The Higurashi’s nodded and motioned towards a sitting area. From there the rest of the Inu family were introduced to the Higurashi’s before being escorted to their guest rooms. Only the Inutaisho, Queen Izayoi, Inuyasha, and Kagome were the ones to stay behind.

Inutaisho spoke first. “I shall leave the details of how Kagome originally came to us for her to tell you later.” He explained how his son had fallen in love and that is what prompted him to call off the original marriage arrangement, but of course at the time they didn’t know of Kagome’s true identity. It was only revealed when Sango arrived to take her home. “Once that happened, I was shocked to find out she was the original princess he was betrothed to, but also furious to learn Naraku had swept in and threatened you over her hand. That is not something I will tolerate, because it means he’d had spies either in my palace, your castle, or both to have learned such information.”

“So, what are you saying?” King Higurashi questioned. “We’re still bound by the new contract, and he is probably on his way right now.”

“I believe,” the Inutaisho continued, “that this is both our faults for not telling our children the truth right from the beginning. Had we introduced them before setting up the arrangement, perhaps none of this would have happened. But we cannot undo the the past and therefore, I feel there is a way to set things right again. Our new arrangement provided that the Inu Kingdom would step in to protect this one and that is exactly what I plan to do.”

“And how do you propose to do so?” King Higurashi questioned.

“I have already hidden a garrison in the surrounding area.”

“Will one be enough?” Queen Higurashi questioned.

“Yes. They are our strongest yokai division. So, when King Naraku arrives he will have no chance against them.”

“But why did we need to prepare for a wedding ceremony?”

“To make Kagome and Inuyasha’s marriage official before he got here. Between a binding marriage vow and the threat of destruction, Naraku would be a fool to test my might. If once everything has been settled, you wish to hold a proper celebration, I see no harm in that.”

“Thank you, your majesty.” King and queen Higurashi bowed their heads to Inutaisho.

“I want you to know that over the course of these months, Kagome has truly become a part of our family. So, it is my honor to play a role in setting things right.” Inutaisho smiled. “Plus, she’s a very good match for my son.”

Queen Higurashi sighed in relief. “It’s a genuine pleasure to see my daughter happy too.”

Before Queen Izayoi took her leave, she explained to her counterpart that Kagome’s dress was already made, and flowers had been brought in for a bouquet. They were also instructed to tell their staff that the Inu clan was just there to attend the upcoming wedding in order to keep rumors lowered. Next the two kings moved onto outlining what will happen when Naraku arrived. One plan was to confront him immediately before they even arrived at the gate, while another was to allow him entry and confront him in the throne room. The second option came down to if the hunter Inutaisho brought to track down Naraku’s spy was successful.

While the men discussed the military details, queen Higurashi, Kagome, and Inuyasha retreated to another private room. As soon as the trio sat down, the refined poise of a queen was turned off. “Alright, spill it.” The woman scolded the couple in a light tone. “I want all the details and starting from the beginning.”

The couples faces turned pink in embarrassment, but nevertheless, Kagome began telling the tale of how she’d become princess Rin’s attendant at the palace, to the budding romance between she and Inuyasha. “We both tried so hard to fight our feelings,” the woman looked down in nervous shame. “But it just grew stronger instead.”

“That’s when I’d fought with my father to cancel the arrangement. I told him I’d rather stay single if it meant living with Kagome in the palace for the rest of my life.”

“I probably should have told Inu the truth right there,” Kagome admitted. “But I was so afraid the king would kick me out because not only did I want to stay with Inuyasha, but I didn’t want to leave Rin as well.”

Inuyasha grasped Kagome’s fidgeting fingers. “And I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for her. Rin’s truly blossomed because of you.”

“Kagome,” her mother addressed her. “I hope you know that we always had the best intentions for you and I’m sorry that because we weren’t honest with you it drove you to run away. I was more afraid then upset not knowing if you were okay, so it warms my heart to know you’ve been in good hands all along.”

“The Inu’s made me feel like family from the beginning, and I can’t thank them enough for their hospitality.”

The queen smiled. “I’m proud of you Kagome. To know I bore such a strong woman, I can rest well, knowing you’ll be able to weather anything thrown at you.”

Kagome’s eyes teared up as she moved over to hug her mother. “Thank you, that means the world to me to hear that.”

The queen hugged her back. “Oh, I love you so much my dear.”

“I love you too mom.”

“And thank you, Inuyasha, for taking care of my little girl. I have no doubt that your marriage will be a long and happy one.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” Inuyasha smiled. “I will treat her like a queen.”

The following day, the royal families gathered in the chapel to solidify the marriage between Inuyasha and Kagome. While a small affair, it was still a special one with Rin playing a flower bearer, Sango a bridesmaid, and Miroku a groomsman. Inuyasha wore a white ceremonial military uniform with red and gold accouterments and decked out with the royal Inu family crest. Kagome’s white dress followed the style of the Inu kingdom with a form fitting top and flowing floor length dress, decorated with red and gold patterns to mirror Inuyasha’s garb.

The couple stood facing one another before the priest who took their hands and placed one on top of the other, then lightly wrapped the layered hands with a white sash to signify their union. He then placed his own hand on top and began the sermon.

“There is nothing more blessed than the coming together of two individuals in matrimony. To love each other and support each other through sickness and in health until the end of their days. And what I see before me is a tested love that shall endure whatever trials or tribulations may come their way.”

“Prince Inuyasha, do you take princess Kagome to be your wedded wife, to cherish and honor with love and loyalty until the end of your days?”

“I do.”

“And do you, princess Kagome, take prince Inuyasha to be your wedded husband, to cherish and honor with love and loyalty until the end of your days?”

“I do.”

“Then unless there is any here that objects to this Union, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

“Finally,” Inuyasha breathed out as he swooped in and kissed a giggling Kagome.

Cheers and clapping from all around the couple went ignored, and the attendees simply became a faded background. This had been the moment they’d been fated for all along and to finally have it consummated, truly felt like a new beginning. When she ran away from home, Kagome never imagined this is where she’d end up. Marrying a man, she’d fallen in love with all on her own instead of through an arranged marriage. Perhaps the gods had been on her side all along.

Inuyasha’s fingers swept gently over her cheek as he stared with blissful intent into her eyes. “I love you, Kagome.”

She leaned into his hand as her eyes softened. “I love you too, Inuyasha.”

Just a little longer and they’ll truly be free…

[popculturebuffet]

Laser Tag Academy: The Battle Hymn of Jaren’s: What The Hell Was That? (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello all you happy people! I’m Jake and I review animation and comics and today we’re looking at a fun one and after a long week getting ready for a garage sale and with three meaty reviews coming next week, I needed it. This is one emma’s wanted for a while but other ideas and what not have meant it took a bit to get to it. That and when originally thought about in Febuary, we both realized maybe a gloriously stupid laser tag show from the 80′s wouldn’t handle the civil war tactfully enough to have it in black history month.

But it’s finally here and it.. it’s a lot in the best way possible. Every once in a while as a reviewer you luck into something truly special no other reviewer seems to hav recovered. Something wonderful. Something PROFOUNDLY STUPID in the most hilarious way possible.  My friends and anyone just joining us, I welcome you to Lazer Tag Academy. I’m hoping to go back there someday because this episode alone was a gold mine of terrible creative decisions, unfortunate implications, and hlariously insane choices for the series as a whole. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Watch me rock. 

So just from the SETUP this is weird. A lot of this is from wikipedia as I only had the intro on the incredibly blurry rip I had to watch this on youtube but given i’m sure whoever has the rights to this doen’t even know they HAVE the rights for this, that’s fair. 

Anyways the premise is this: It is the year 3010 and Laser Tag has evolved to the point that while it still has vests and laser guns, said lasers can do whatever’s convient to the plot, all crime has been abolished, wild stalyins are seen as gods and there’s free fro-yo on thursdays. But disaster strikes when generic bad dude and space pirate Draxon Drear from the year 2061 is awakened from cryo with his army of troll monsters. Because every villian has to have inept comedy minons and gremlins had came out two years before this, so he got space gremlins. 

Anyways because the Lazer Tag stuff was invented in 1987, Draxon heads back there to kill it’s inventor as a child, then settles into trying to destroy her ancestors so that do anything lazer tag never exists. Why is he doing this? Why is his plan so self destructively stupid? Does he realize this might undo his timeline or make him fade into nothing? does he realize that doing this will likely cause the timeline to collapse in on itself from the insane number of paraodoxes? 

But it’s comedy gold. So Lazer Tag Champ Jamie Jaren , whose naturally a teenager with attitude goes back and recurits said inventor ancestor, Beth, her older brother tom, and their little brother nicky as teenagers and a baby child respectively. Together they go through time to stop this monumentual dumabss from destroying everything with his sheer incompetence and mustache twirling. 

Now you know the plot this episode in paticular.. takes place during the Civil War. You know the war where a bunch of racist idiots succeded and even in loosing put up monuments to our failure so their desendants could piss and moan any time a person of color asks for a monument to the people who fogught for them to be in chains to be taken down. That Civil War.

So with our cast as white as snow, it’s probably not a huge shock that this 80′s kids show dosen’t show a single black person and basically sidesteps the whole racisim issue. And I don’t begrudge the 80′s lazer tag show with gremlins for not tackling race. A bit above their weight. Granted with all of time I wouldn’t of MADE a civil war episode, but still I get it. 

I do however judge them for deciding to do that.. and then having the Jaron’s relative they need to rescue being a confederate bugle boy

Yup. Now I DO get what their going for on paper: his love intrest, and their great grandma is with the union. He’s supposed to learn a lesson and grow as a person and realize he’s on the wrong side. He NEVER does this and it’s said at the end they marry afterwords. They also have your standard “We hate each other till we love each other” relatoinship that’s just.. boring. There’s no real character progression which again, is a lot to ask of Lazer Tag Academy but even other 80′s toy commericals like the Transformers or GI Joe tried harder when they did a very specail episode to actually have character in the lesson. Or at least had a  talking robot dinosaur to compensate. This is just nothing.

But what really puts it over the top is that the bad guy DRESSES HIMSELF AS A UNION COMMANDER, and puts his GREMLINS IN UNION UNIFORMS. not to mention leads an ANGRY UNION MOB AGAINST OUR HEROES

I.. don’t know how far up your own ass you have to be to not see that making the union the bad guys is a problem. Like if this were a clever use of the villian knowing they’ll win it’d be fine. But instead you have a mustache twriling discount lex luthor and discount hobgoblins fighting for the side that’s positoin wa “slavery and tearing our country apart bad. I get this was the 80′s, I get their story editoir was just a mountain of cocaine wearing sunglasses but NO ONE on staff looked at this and thought “say maybe we’re sending kids a bad message”. Okay mountain of cocaine with sunglasses probably did but he probably died up someone’s nose before he could say something. 

Yeah see in addition to ALL of this.. which is a lot, and which dosen’t even include their ancestor stealing their laser guns and bikes to give to general lee. oh btw they use their bikes to time travel because they coudln’t afford the right sto a deloreon but they could still rip off using a vehicle from back to the future for free with bikes. 

But yeah their female ancestor FALLS IN LOVE WITH TOME. Her too many greats to look up grandson. 

Yeahhhh OF ALL THE THINGS TO STEAL FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE, WHY THE ACCIDENTAL INCEST. And for the record.. Marty WASN’T into it. He was , as any sane rational human would be, completely grossed out his mom was hitting on him and tried to stop it. Tom on the other hand? He looks to be pulling a Phillip J Fry any second and the only thing that stops him is his sister and descendant putting the breaks on his skeezy antics. Did Mountain of Cocaine with Sunglasses do no proof reading?

So yeah as for the plot discount lex luthor tries to kill them, incest nearly happens, their ancestor is a prick until he isn’t, and the gremlins do a kidnapping. You know what you’d expect from this show. 

So yeah.. this episode was batshit insane and I had a blast watching it with my close friend mars as we laughed or starred in disbelief. This was damn fun and I hope to go back there someday in the hopes another episode of this reaches this level of “what the fuck were they thinking”. Thank you for reading. 

                                            In Loving Memory                                                   1985-1985

[mittensmorgul]

I was having a conversation with someone about spn recently. I was saying how it was compelling to me how Cas was basically the only one to embrace free will and escape the narrative, and he did this because he loved Dean. And because of that, Cas invented free will. His choosing Dean over heaven is the variable that made this reality different from every other reality, right?

The person I was talking to agreed that Cas embraced free will, but she also argued that Sam and Dean also embraced free will because they refused to kill each other the way other versions of themselves did.

So my point is that: Only Cas's love for Dean invented free will, and that's what allowed Sam and Dean to break free of the narrative.

Her point was: Sam, Dean, and Cas all simultaneously embraced free will, and thus broke free of the narrative together.

I prefer my interpretation because of Destiel/queer-love-defying-god-and-saving-the-universe reasons (my god why does this stupid show have to be so compelling???). But I'm also wondering what you think. I'm kind of looking for textual validation for MY interpretation, and I'm curious if you know of any off that top of your head.

No worries if not, I was just curious about it. You're my fav meta writer, and thanks for all you do ☺️

Hi there! I'm flattered that you've enjoyed anything I've written here! I appreciate that! But unfortunately I agree with your friend. Or... mostly...

The show has been about free will for years. Cas's arc in it was his personal coming to truly understand and embrace free will for himself. To understand all the lessons about free will that he literally learned from Dean.

"Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean you can do whatever you want," and all that.

Other angels did start down that road. Anna, specifically, chose to be born human to experience humanity and free will for herself, and then was dragged back. Balthazar took the whole free will thing to the sorts of extremes that Cas did in s6 (doing whatever he wanted, because nothing mattered in the end). It was the same sort of nihilism that plagued AU!Michael after "following all God's orders perfectly" and bringing about their apocalypse as ordered/destined by God, and then didn't come with the expected "reward" of God's return to their world.

This was Cas's primary struggle in s4, where he fought against his own essential programming, and against the belief that he was effectively created to follow God's orders, to obey Heaven's commands. We know he had crises of conscience before, in the past, thanks to Naomi's confirmation that Cas was present at other objectionable events carried out by angels in the past (killing the firstborns of Egypt, for example) that were wiped from his memory because they were leading him to question authority or doubt their orders. The difference in *THIS* universe, though, was that *this* Cas had Dean.

Dean didn't exist in the Apocalypse AU. That Cas may have had some similar objections, and from his behavior (the eye twitch, etc.) there is definitely a potential read there that Cas himself had tried to object enough, and had been "reprogrammed" enough to have finally completely broken him.

I've written about how some angels are "specialists," a term first used to describe Uriel and his city-leveling abilities. We know Zachariah (even the AU version of him) had the special power to implant visions directly into people's brains. And that Cas's "special power" was that he could "strip memories" out of people's minds. What a HORRIBLE power. But also, very much what Naomi's brain reprogramming torture hat was supposed to do, yes?

Ironic that Cas was the one that reprogramming hat didn't completely work on.

But the difference for Cas wasn't that he "escaped the narrative," because in the end he did not at all. In the end because of the love for Dean that he understood through his own free will, he chose to die so that Dean could live. Which... is effectively exactly what Chuck wanted for Cas in the narrative. He wanted him gone. Cas ultimately gave in to Chuck's narrative first of TFW.

He made the choice for himself, but Chuck's narrative was always one step ahead of all of them right to the end. It was a choice he should never have had to make. "Either we both die right here and Chuck wins, or I save Dean by sacrificing myself so he can go on without me to stop Chuck." That was what his final act boiled down to.

Once Chuck was defeated, this was obviously the very first act we all assumed Jack would undertake to undo that sacrifice. Which makes me believe that Chuck actually won... but that's a rant for another post (and a goodly number of posts I've already made lol).

But humanity was created WITH FREE WILL! Angels were not. So... I'd offer that Cas was the first angel to successfully understand free will and apply it to himself. He was also the first angel to inhabit his own body (not a vessel after 5.01), the first to have been made human within that body, and the first to experience life as a human while retaining all his memories of his entire existence before becoming human. He fully understood humanity, and said "yeah I like this better."

All these themes of humanity, love, and free will were wrapped up in his entire story arc, and I personally feel like it takes something important away from his story to suggest that he was the ONLY character with free will, when he only learned free will for himself BECAUSE of Dean and his love for Dean. Which is what Cas actually said in his confession.

"You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.

I refuse to take that away from them.