#because the language was so close
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since you’re talking about languages. just wanted to say im thinking about cajun french again. my mon-mon knows it and I could technically ask her to teach me a few words but it’s different than growing up with it y’know?
Oh BOY do I know. it's like...we are going to spend the rest of our lives with this ache. There is no undoing the fact we did not learn our heritage languages as children. Learning it later in life, even if we become completely and entirely fluent, does not and cannot ever change that we had to work for it. That we had to recreate it and that we will never and cannot ever come close to what could have been
There's this hurdle when learning it too--at least in my experience--where you feel like an impostor. And there is so much shame--for something completely out of our control; we had no say in what languages we were taught as kids. I'm always straining and listening to what others say--how they've shortened words colloquially, what versions they use more (e.g. oraciones vs sentencias), because that ease and experience and familiarity in conversation in others is something I don't have. They own the language enough to shape it to themselves, and I'm just trying to keep up. It doesn't feel like my language, doesn't roll off my tongue. I don't dream in it.
But I could have. And it's so hard, maybe even impossible, to forget that. Even when you learn it
#heritage languages#quil's queries#moonlarked#that's not to say it's not worth it to learn heritage languages. learning it is very important to me#but oh. my god. is the hole in my life where my spanish should've been gaping wide open always#every time I speak it i'm aware of it#every time I hear it#every time I don't#somedays I want to scream. others to cry#sometimes I do cry#because the language was so close#my branch of the family was cut off from the language so recently it's still raw#it's /right there/#and i can see what I don't have. all the rest of my mexican family speaks it and grew up with it#it's just us who didn't#and with the family we /do/ have contact with. we're the only mexicans. actually the only non-white people#(ignoring the massively complicated is latine/hispanic non white question because in this instance we are comparitively)#so. suffice to say I have never had a strong connection to family or culture and it has royally fucked me up and I DO want to cry about#spanish
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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"Listen. That wasn’t tactical. I lost it." LOKI S02E02 “Breaking Brad”
#mobius#mobius m mobius#owen wilson#lokitvsource#lokitvedit#marveledit#mine#not feeling normal about this at all actually#the subtlety of owen's acting here is everything to me#the way that mobius is so obviously torn up about hitting brad#his body language is closed off and uncomfortable#he's really beating himself up for his behaviour#but he powers through it because he wants to explain himself#but to do so he has to be vulnerable and that's hard for him#he's so used to making others talk but he doesn't do it himself#he's a yapper at heart but emotionally he's closed off to his own emotions#i love how in the 6th gif he listens to loki relate to his struggle (with an extreme example) with a soft smile#it's still sad yet it holds understanding that his friend is trying to make him feel better#he allows himself to be consoled by loki#and because of that support from someone he trusts he's able to open up#mobius my beloved#i love him with all my heart#i loved Owen's performance so much i think he's so underrated
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I want you to know that your art is very important to me, and I'm very invested in all of the characters I have seen from you. Also, the discussion about Finnish and other languages having gendered words or not has been the last little push to get me to start learning Finnish which I think is fun.
I'm making this a little compilation post of all the language asks I got. Thank you for sharing, this was genuinely really interesting!
#answered#anonymous#long post#the-biornicles#procyon-caffeinaeus#also this may sound childish but it's always thrilling whenever I get to read posts like these#I dunno it's just so outlandish that there are a bunch of people living in the various corners of the planet who like my art and characters#and take the time to read the nonsense I write in tumblr tags#you'd think you would get used to the idea but no it still makes me giddy#also to the anons learning Finnish I'm cheering for you#Finnish people are typically extremely stoked/flattered/shyly pleased whenever someone deems our language even a little bit worth learning#and they love to tell you that Finnish is hard but it's mostly because it's not an Indo-European language#so chances are it's going to be sort of different and incompatible with the language(s) you already speak#English for example is more closely related to Sanskrit Bengali and Persian than Finnish
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The Midnight Suns rock Band AU literally nobody asked for.
Lore dump under the cut.
The AU in which Robbie never died at that race because the people who cornered him in that alley were actually the police. He managed to get lucky for one single time and narrowly managed to avoid jail by getting sentenced to do community work instead and assisting mandatory sessions in Blade's therapy group for troubled youth at risk. He met Nico, Wanda and Illyana there and ended up begrudgingly befriending them. Blade considers this kids both one of his biggest achievements and biggest sources of headaches.
Nico still get on Robbie's nerves sometimes and in the rare ocasion that he fights with Illyana it usually gets so bad that Wanda needs to mediate because neither of them will put their foot down otherwise. He still makes an effort to keep them in his life, because when he's too tight with money Nico will "accidentally" order too much pizza when they meet and he'll end up going home with leftovers afterwards, so he doesn't complain too much when she asks him to drive her places; and Illyana once showed up to take care of Gabe when he had the flu because Robbie had to work and didn't want to leave him alone, so when she mentioned that she was going to have to sleep in her van for a few days while she searched for a new flat after her former landowner kicked her out, he let her crash at his couch instead. They take care of each other in small ways, even if they dont' mention it.
Starting the band was Nico's idea so they would have an excuse for regular meet ups. She was also the one who got Robbie a second hand battery and insisted that he at least tried. It turned out that he was not half bad at it, he had a good sense of rithm and good coordination, and was surprised to find out that the gigs they eventually managed to pull out were starting to become a very welcome source of extra income. They meet for practice at a community center located in an old church, regented by a couple of old ladies: Sarah and Agatha. Gabe is their number one fan (and Piotr Rasputin is a close second, much to Illyana's dismay), so he's the other reason he hasn't dropped out yet despite being tight on time. After going for several provisional names, the last of them being Scarlet and the Witches, which Robbie was not very enthusiastic about, they ended up setting for Midnight Suns after Hunter's incorporation.
After Wanda was involved in a car accident that left her badly injured and put Agatha in a coma, their band was left without their main singer and guitarrist. It was then when Hunter, Sarah's niece, who had been raised by her aunt and her partner, temporarily moved back to the state after receiving the news about the accident. Hunter's relationship with Sarah became strained after she dropped out of college and started studying to become a tattoo and piercing artist instead. She's covering for Wanda and her stay is only temporary, or at least that was the original plan, but it seems that after her incorporation the band is doing better than ever before. Robbie's not so thrilled about having a new person joining his inner circle, and specially not one that's such a cocky little shit, but better gigs means more money, and he doesn't want to have to go back to work two jobs now that he can manage to live with the money he gets from his work at Canelo's AND the band.
Thanks @moosemonstrous for helping brainstorm ideas.
#if you find any typos in the text let me know so I can edit it because english is not my first language#look at me dead in the eye and tell me they do not look like they just came up with a banger#I tried to come up for a look for each one that fitted their vibes#anyways#midnight suns#midnight suns rock band au#the hunter#robbie reyes#nico minoru#illyana rasputin#anyways I don't have all the threads closed so if you have any ideas or suggestions for this au I'll love to hear them#my art
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Vurur alu Ingyentsim Ayramä hasey sìmi! Just finished the Secrets of the Spires story!
#i'll make a post about story/gameplay thoughts on it later#for now enjoy some screenshot spam#avatar#frontiers of pandora#afop#secrets of the spires#sarentu#rasi#lì'fya leNa'vi#small language note: there's not really a specific word for “secret” nor “spire”#so what I wrote is actually more like “mystery of the mountains”#close enough#I considered using “asip” for spire (means “tall thin pile of something” or “tower”)#because I feel like “asip tskxeyä” (“tower of rocks”) fits the bill for “spire” pretty well#but the only example sentence we have for it is “someone built a tower of bones in the forest”#so I'm not 100% certain whether it also applies to natural structures or if it implies that someone/something made the pile#so i went with the safer but somewhat less interesting “ram” (“mountain”)#(asip might still be perfectly valid! i'm just not certain)#buuuuuut i guess “ingentsim ayramä” is just a tad more succinct than “ingyentsim ayasipä tskxeyä” anways#let's avoid stacking genitives if we can lol#although....hmm....I guess it's not like it strictly NEEDS the tskxe part.......#meh whatever i'm just gonna post this before I have more time to overthink and change my mind 😅
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
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#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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ShinRan Week 2023: Day 4 | Black Knight and Princess
#detective conan#case closed#ran mori#shinichi kudo#shinran#shinranweek2023#my gifs#episode 190#really wanted to get at least one thing done during the actual shinran week but alas!#could have posted it while it was still shinran week in hawaii but i disliked the coloring so redid it--think i like this more now#i was drawn to this prompt because 'the desperate revival' recently got remastered! it's so nice to edit with!#and there's a lot that gets me about this...#i liked the 'intimate gestures' prompt a lot too because it makes me think a lot about the love language of physical touch#which i think is really important to shinichi! look at how much he treasures being able to embrace ran here#as himself--in his own body#(and funimation dub only but in episode 42 he even says that he wished he could have held ran in his arms...)#also different note but love how the black organization is associated with black birds and how shinichi's entrance here is black feathers#and in that last one ran really should be the one protecting shinichi haha#but yeah! glad to finally have something posted! hope to finish an amv soon!!!
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Oh, shoot, bedtime somehow sneaked upon me so this is all I had time to do, but I had to try and doodle Xaranthras next to his boss.
Still figuring out clothing, but specially how much of it Xaranthras should be wearing, considering his size (better at retaining heat), fur (same) and definetely not hominid anatomical features like proportions and the hump. Not gonna fit human collars on that neck.
Gotta continue this later, but I just had to doodle this out of my head.
#Arcanth#for tagging purposes#also I want to figure out a nickname for Xaranthras#because that name's a mouthful#I've been mentally calling his design 'moth crown' after that one caterpillar with the four horn thingies#and 'Moth' technically sounds like a fun nickname#but if I ever want to do the story in my own language... so 'moth' in Finnish is 'yöperhonen' (literally 'night butterfly')#which is four times the amount of syllables#or I could shorten it to 'yökkö' but overthinking it makes it feel too close to gagging (in Finnish)#or 'perho' but that's more butterfly than moth#maybe I'll just scrap that and pick something completely different and unrelated#the bilingual woes
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having that one friend that you dump all your thoughts about the lore of a series on despite them not even being a fan of said series
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#forming and writing these down like a mad scientist#if anything of this is missing a detail its because i only watched the polish version and not planning on seeing it in other languages#but knowing english names for things. the translation stays as close to original as possible#i LOVE how people arent actually angry at movie lore differing from game lore#like the movies are a different universe in the first place. its a nice retelling#even if its just 'cartoon characters put in Real World to cater to mainstream audiences'#they did it so well what the fuck#sonic#spoiler
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chilean miku 🇨🇱
#the coloring glitched don't look too closely at it pls#just a quick doodle while i wait for my wife (ao3) to return from the war (server maintenance)#oopie's art#hatsune miku#international miku#miku worldwide#chilean and hungarian from my father's side but the only thing i know about hungary is that it has 13 cases in its language so :7#i only got colonizer blood from my mom's side lmao#had to research myself tho because my abuelita is. um. unreachable#anway she grew up in valparaiso and she used to let me look at her cueca brava dress from her childhood#i have never claimed to be a good artist and i have never heard of a background sorry 😔
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i just keep thinking about harley getting to know the truth about why peter is alone and finding out why people don't remember him and for a moment thinking he's glad he got to meet him after everything went down and immediately feel guilt and shame because its not fair peter went through so much pain and had to leave everyone he knew behind but,,,, just thinking about meeting each other before and getting to know peter and then completely forget him makes his feel sick
#but harley my baby you did#there was another crying teenager at the funeral that knew exactly what you were feeling in that moment#you just don't remember him#i feel like the world could have ended right there and peter wouldn't have notice#theres a blank space since the moment tony died until weeks after the funeral so can u blame him for not remembering harley?#they met in one of the worst days of each other's life#i just can't stop thinking about them realizing they met before and being absolutely devastated on how close they were to losing each other#because yes they met they talked and acknowledge their bond with tony but they were grieving#they talked for a couple of minutes but they didn't keep in contact they didn't become friends just like that#but now they can't possibly think about not being in each other's life#and to think they were close to lose that without even realizing it..#ugh im sad don't pay attention to me#once again i do NOT care about the english language so dont bother i know there might be typos#harley keener#parkner#but platonic parkner works just fine too
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So much fun to wake up to shitty comments on a fic that has a clearly stated « not beta read » tag.
#Guest comments are thus turned off again#Because some people can’t behave#I know there are spelling mistakes#And grammar mistakes in my fics#English is my fourth language#My sincere non-apologies for not having mastered it#Seriously I try to keep my fics accessible for guest readers because a couple of them asked#But the only thing I seem to get from guest readers is comments trashing everything about my writing#So yeah disabled until further notice#And depending on - I might just lock the fics to registered users only again#Even then#i am so close to quitting writing altogether#Or to just no longer publish my fics#Because even the registered guests have been leaving comments that aren’t great to just all-around awful#I try to delete them and move on#But it’s to hard to let your hobby be your happy downtime#When people are being terrible just for the hell of it#Happy first day of vacation me
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I prefer “Mary and John were normal people” so so so SO much more, however,
Time traveling Dick Grayson: I kinda… don’t join the family business? I mean I still use everything you taught me! Just for vigilantism instead?
Mary: I’m… not sure I’m surprised or not
Dick: really?
Mary: well… you always did love Robin Hood. I should have known you would try your hand at the whole “steal from the rich, give to the poor thing.” I mean, you are my son after all.
Dick: um.
Mary: you stick it to the man. Right, Dick?
Dick: uhh well you see-
John: it’s okay sweetheart, we support you as long as you’re happy, right dear?
Mary: oh of course I am! I would still love you even if you became… oh I don’t know what, John help me out
John: a walking corpse enslaved to the bourgeoisie whom’s every emotion and individuality has been torn away leaving nothing but a shell who knows only violence and obedience
Mary: right- what?
Dick: yeah I’ve been meaning to ask-
John: -about Aunt Harriet? Because I’ve been wanting to ask about what Aunt Harriet’s been up to!
#dick: can we talk about the court of owls? John: no we cannot! dick: okay what about meili Lin? John: nvm court of owls it is!#dick grayson#mary grayson#john grayson#John and Mary: fuck the ruling class and fuck the police (for very good reasons that involve too much nuance to get into in a Batman shitpo#t)#dick: hi#john and mary: oh not you sweetie#leo says shit#i used English words because I’m not Romani so just pretend this is a translation#hey *is* there an equivalent for the word bourgeoisie in Romani?#you don’t have to tell me the word obviously I know it’s closed language I’m just curious if there is one or would you use the loan word?
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LINE READING SO DEVASTATING I NEED TO DIE ABOUT IT
#THE WAY POND'S FACE GOES FROM CLOSED OFF AND ANTAGONISTIC TO SLIGHTLY CONFUSED AND OPENLY VULNERABLE#[CLAWS MY FACE OFF AND THROWS IT INTO THE OCEAN]#i didn't add phum in the poll about my faves because we still have four episodes left and palm was already there but#GOD I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH#I COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR DAYS#and it's just so interesting how up until this point you buy into that mask of cool popular asshole he has been wearing around peem#and when in the first episode q says 'i've heard he's a top brat' and chain adds 'nobody messes with him unless they want trouble'#you're like yeah that checks out#and it's not like that's not true because phum can be all that#but also it makes you think about how people must have treated him in the past#not just his parents but his peers as well once he got back to thailand#because he puts that mask on with everyone when at his core he is actually such a soft boy who feels so much#toey used to get bullied and he took him under his wing#he learns that peem waited for him and feels so bad he keeps asking for forgiveness#the story started because phum wouldn't say sorry to peem but now the sorrys and the thank yous are like a second language to him#AND IDK WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS OR WHAT AM I EVEN SAY I JUST KNOW I HAVE SOOOOO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT PHUM#IM ONCE AGAIN ASKING FOR HELP#we are the series#m: txt
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Why is Tumblr showing me anti and terf posts in my already fragile mental state
#the first one is actually funny tbh. because theyre so close to getting it.#so you're saying that most “pro shippers” are mature adults. more so than you.#the ageism though and like. “im not like other kids my age im better.”#when has fandom been considered weird young adult shit#its literally just like. enjoying media.#“hey guys is it cringe to find joy in things” like bruh your life must be so sad. you are literally exhibiting textbook puritanism#the irony of having anti harassment as a tag to like. its performance art.#dont get me started on all those “kink is secretly evil” girlies#y'all sound literally just like the church I grew up in but with different language
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