#because the black rose arc is very much like. these guys are stuck in the past and it sucks for everyone

[gideonisms]

sorry I'm still on this when you go most of the show thinking that the prince utena kept in her heart was akio thus everything plays into the same system under his control EXCEPT it WASN'T him it was utena's own idealism in wanting to spare someone else pain and that idealism led her astray so many times but it ALSO led her to the girl she would one day love and that potential for love was there the whole time!! and the whole time she was searching, that secret was hidden away waiting to be discovered!! I mean it gets me

[hxrpooner]

things in arcane s2 that pissed me offfff

in no particular order

warwick not going full wolf????? why!!!!

pussies wouldn't commit to jayvik kiss... ok.... what EVER

killing off characters just for shock value (jinx and heimer mainly)

cait losing her eye also felt like it was just for shock value

what is the message of jinx's death supposed to be? "there's no way for her to make up for the things she did, the only way for her to atone is to die"??? ok.

that "i'm always with you" line from jinx was FORCED holy shit

i absolutely do not believe that the hooded figure from jayce's childhood was viktor. i fully believe that they originally intended it to be ryze and then changed course last minute

sevika got shafted. she's super important for a while, then she just isn't. she barely shows up after "Paint the Town Blue"

the scene with mel using the black rose amulet on ambessa, and then going inside the vision...??? to kill leblanc or... something??? i just kinda.... huh??? what??? okay

a moment of silence for all the viktor enjoyers. they completely shafted his lore and changed his ENTIRE vibe as a character. and then they killed him off. and he's getting an ASU about it.

mel has an interesting thing going on in season 1. she's ambitious and kind of manipulative and it's clear that she's using jayce to her own ends, but the story was obviously building up some interesting motives behind it and i was curious to see where her arc was going to go. by comparison she felt very flat in season 2. the back half of her arc felt very rushed.

the anomaly is a stupid mcguffin. it came out of nowhere and was only brought in because they needed some existential threat for the characters to fight

ekko got shafted. the whole point of his original lore is that he's an idealist and a boy genius, and that he cobbles together the z-drive all on his own from scrap in his dinky little lab. but in arcane he can't figure it out without the help of a white woman and a yordle. fuck you actually.

too much of ekko's development was centered around his feelings for jinx.

unclear how characters like camille, ziggs, blitzcrank, zeri are supposed to fit in with this lore. renata especially pissed me off because we spent so much time on that stupid yordle chem baron, while the actual canon chem baron failed to make an appearance

the piltover/zaun v. noxus war would have been a GREAT opportunity to bring in urgot, considering his lore, but, nope.

hextech found dead in a ditch???

you can't just say "we're making arcane canon" and then proceed to fuck up the canon so profoundly!!!

i don't care for viktor's new aesthetic. the weird gold-and-porcelain thing doesn't suit him.

vander-warwick looks so fucking stupidddddd

sevika's fuck ass haircut

jinx's fuck ass haircut

isha's entire existence is a cheap sympathy-grab. introduce a cute child character, have her get close to the protagonist, then kill her off. egregiously lazy

would like an explanation as to why isha does not talk

actually would like an explanation as to literally anything about isha. she is a complete non-character

it felt like isha was shoehorning in on the vi/jinx/vander reunion

the alternate universe ekko gets stuck in is basically "wow everything is so much better if vi dies!!!" which like. the implications are CRAZY actually

alternate universe jinx was a bit too manic pixie dream girl for my taste. when she showed up in the leather jacket i was like. ok ramona flowers. (i have not seen scott pilgrim)

thematically/character-wise it seems like it would have made more sense for heimerdinger to stay in the alternate universe and live out his life happy and in peace, i don't understand why they had to kill him off instead. either way he's out of the story so what's the point?

having every episode open with an artsy music video... i felt like they saw that people liked the bridge scene from season 1 and went "okay let's just do that 9 more times then." no guys. it was so noticeable and so irritating.

there's a tweet that goes something like "arcane character: assaults someone and takes their money // arcane background music: i love assaulting people and taking their money". if i made a drinking game out of how many times that tweet became relevant while watching s2 i would die from alcohol poisoning

s2 does not have a silco. jinx went protagonist-mode and they were too wishy-washy with trying to make ambessa and viktor ambiguous. silco was such a larger-than-life figure in s1, i think they should have used that and had him haunt the narrative way more than he did. as it is s2 lacks a good villain and a compelling conflict and the story suffers for it

fucking jayce

a lot of the dialogue is SUPER on-the-nose or corny or is just like... people don't talk like that

too much of characters just explaining what is going on or saying the themes of the story out loud

lack of thematic cohesion

s1 sets up this really cool nuanced conflict between piltover and zaun, but s2 completely fails to properly address it, especially towards the end where out of the blue all the focus suddenly shifts away to the anomaly.

"hey guys i know we locked you all in a ghetto but can you pretty please come up topside to help us fight noxus? <3 thanks"

AND THAT WORKED?!?!! SOMEHOW

so many completely irrelevant characters (mostly caitlyn's squad, whose names i can't remember except for maddy)

i didn't feel that maddy's betrayal was properly built up to, but my friends disagree with me so. idk.

i'm getting a little tired of watching people get non-lethally stabbed in the abdomen

finale was mostly brainless epic battle fight epic fight battle fight. like girl... ok.

unclear on how sevika manages to get invited to these topside political get-togethers? shouldn't she be like public enemy number 2?

sevika dgaf about jinx at all after episode 4. it's crazy

there is no fucking way we got piltover councilor sevika. there is simply no fucking way. there are so many things wrong with this i don't even know where to begin.

i felt like a couple of things could be true: 1) they got a little too big for their britches, critiquing the evils of capitalism and the police state in s1, and somebody got nervous that they were going to be accused of being too Woke, so they had to dial it back. (less likely) 2) they found out about halfway through outlining the plot that they were only getting 2 seasons and had to drastically change course to wrap things up before then (more likely)

[aptericia]

I just rewatched episodes 28 and 29, so here are my thoughts.

It's easy to see Ruka as a variation on the Touga/Akio/Saionji type of character--given that he's also a manipulative, arrogant, and misogynistic man who's older than the leads--but that's an oversimplification. He's a variation on the "prince" archetype as a whole, which not only links him to the Three Asshole Guys™️, but also to characters like Utena, Miki, and Juri herself. Like them, he's selfless in that he doesn't want power for himself, but to grant it to another. This is where the message gets confusing. The show agrees with him that Juri's attachment is unhealthy and should be broken off, so if Ruka has such a noble goal, why is he portrayed as an Asshole Guy™️?

Well it's because Ruka is wrong. Yes, he wants to free Juri from Shiori, and yes, his story does conclude with her starting down that path after her locket is broken, but Ruka himself failed. There's a "missing link" that I see ignored so often in analyses of the Juri/Ruka/Shiori triangle, and it's Utena herself. If you ignore Utena, nothing about Juri's arc makes sense. We know Juri can't detach herself from Shiori on her own, because she's spent years trying. Shiori wants to be wanted, and that certainly doesn't change after Ruka dumps her. And thematically there's no way Ruka's scheme, which involves flat-out assaulting Juri and then sucking up to Akio, could produce a positive outcome. Yet Juri is freed anyway.

So let me explain.

Ruka's plan, from the moment he returns to Ohtori, is to use Shiori as a makeshift bride so he can duel Utena and figure out how to beat her (this is interestingly very similar to Touga's plan with Nanami in the Student Council Arc). Then he needs to rile Juri up enough that she'll enter a duel, and with his knowledge, she can beat Utena and claim the power of miracles to free herself from Shiori.

What he discovers, however, is that Utena's victory comes from her relationship with Anthy. He tries to become Juri's "bride", but during the scene in the empty dueling hall, he realizes that she despises him and that their bond will never be strong enough to beat Utena and Anthy's. I think he pretty much gives up at this point, and he even offers to go along with Juri's wishes unconditionally. However, he's already teamed up with Akio and Touga and ends up turning Juri over to them anyway. Then she resolves to use her miracle for Shiori's sake, not her own. His master plan completely failed.

But his mistake was that "the power of miracles" was never going to save Juri in the first place. The coffin can't be opened by anyone other than its occupant, and the promised "revolution" never belonged to the duelists in the first place. The point where Juri started down the path to freedom was the point at which she lost her duel. Juri found the real way out--reject the duels, reject Akio's entire system that people like Ruka and Touga were simply trying to rig for their benefit.

And the reason Juri gives up the duels isn't even thanks to Ruka either. He pushed her to hate Shiori and to hate herself, to see how pathetic they'd both become and stop idealizing the relationship they once had. But as the audience knows, Juri already hates Shiori and herself. So back to what I said earlier, if Juri and Shiori and Ruka are all stuck at a standstill, what's the one thing that changed?

It's that Juri talked to Shiori. After Ruka dumped her, Juri went to comfort her at Utena's suggestion. Shiori's cold response proved that their relationship was unsalvageable. Juri avoided Shiori at all costs during the Black Rose Arc, and it was because being blind to the current reality let Juri live in the past and escape responsibility for the miracle she wanted. Yes, this is extremely similar to Miki's estrangement from Kozue and Anthy's emotional distance from Akio. Communication is the one thing that breaks the foundation of Ohtori.

Juri needed to communicate, and she did because of Utena. Neither Juri throwing away her locket in episode 17 nor Ruka taking it in 29 could break its hold on her, but Utena could. Ruka was necessary in that he created the circumstances for Juri to approach Shiori, but that was never part of his plan. He had a selfless goal, but his reliance on the corrupt patriarchal foundation of Akio's dueling system doomed him to failure. He's just yet another failed prince who tried to smash open a coffin with a sword.

I don’t even like Ruka Tsuchiya but I’m still the only one who’s correct about him 👍

[caramelcal]

Fool for you

a/n: eye- y’all wanting a part 2? cause i have it planned lol x

it gets much more interesting i promise oml...the enemies arc really do be one of my faves tho

word count: 3.15k

warning: swearing

She couldn’t believe how much shit that stupid kiss had landed her in. Her head was clouded, arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at her lap, trying not to grumble. Not only her own manager was sat in the room, but 5 seconds of summer’s too, along with their bassist, one of the people she hated most, Calum Hood.

“We have seen how everyone reacted to the speculation,” The woman in front of her started, legs pressed together with a large binder sitting on her lap, hands folded gently on top. Normally Y/N got on quite well with her manager, Caroline, but right now she wanted to scream due to the words coming out of the woman’s mouth, “You’ve been gaining popularity from it, Y/N. This could be a great way for you to gain more of a following.”

Y/N had dreamed of the day she started to trend on Twitter, but this was not what she wanted to be trending for. She wasn’t trending for her music, not even her newest single. No, she was trending because everyone thought she was Calum Hood’s girlfriend.

Speaking of the boy, he sat beside her, keeping quietly to himself. This had to have been the first time that he had ever been in her presence where he hadn’t been annoying the shit out of her. Must be because his manager is in here. He had already been approached about it and seemed sold on the idea.

An idea of them being in a fake relationship.

Her, with Calum Hood. She wanted to scoff at the thought. He was unbearable at best, constantly annoying her to the point where she wanted to rip her hair out. When she had first been asked to be the opening act for 5 Seconds of Summer’s tour she had been ecstatic. The boys were nice, welcoming her onto their tour with open arms. Honestly, Y/N got on with all of them, apart from Calum. From the moment he set eyes on her he seemed determined to do anything and everything in his power to piss her off, slowly waiting until she finally lost her cool and lashed out. It was frustrating, especially considering Y/N knew she couldn’t do much about it.

Now, not only did she have to put up with Calum normally, but they wanted her to get close with him. To be in a fake relationship, which, obviously, meant spending more time with him.

“So, of course, you guys will have to be seen out in public with one another every so often so we were thinking you guys get ‘caught’ kissing my paps again, then we’re thinking dropping hints,” Ink began to get scribbled across a piece of paper, writing out a messy and brief plan which Y/N didn’t even want to look at, “Possibly y/n being caught wearing Calum’s shirt...We aren’t entirely sure yet but we will make sure to keep you updated. Do either of you have any questions?”

Despite the question seeming like it was for both of them, it was directed at Y/N, and she knew that. PR stunts and fake dating amongst celebrities were never unheard of, but she never thought she would be getting into one herself, not now and definitely not with Calum, “I do, actually. What’s in it for him exactly?”

The question was asked towards the two managers, y/n honestly didn’t want to even look at Calum right now. He probably wanted to do this simply to annoy her because he knew that he was the bane of her existence, but y/n just hoped that he wouldn’t get even more annoying, despite knowing he definitely would take advantage of the situation.

“Publicity,” His manager stated simply, nodding his head slightly in her direction. Y/n didn’t know what else to say, and they all were enveloped in a very uncomfortable silence before Caroline let out a sigh, snapping her folder shut.

“Well if that’s all,” She stood up, making y/n’s eyes travel up to her as she began to walk away, “We will leave you two be.”

With that, the two managers left without another word, shutting the door behind them. Y/n and Calum sat in awkward silence for a few moments, y/n’s eyes set firmly in the door before she stood up, going towards the door before Calum caught onto her hand.

“Where are you going?”

“Away,” Y/n huffed, tugging her hand away from the boy’s grip as she glared down at his hand. He awkwardly pulled his hand back, putting his hands down in his lap, “Going to get my last few hours of peace before we have to start this PR stunt.”

“Aw y/n/n, not wanna spend time with me, huh?” Calum teased, making her roll her eyes. He was already annoying her and he had barely spoken three sentences to her; something he had a special gift for.

“No, not really,” He gave her a fake pout before a smirk rose to his lips, making her roll her eyes.

Calum was acting as if she would actually enjoy his company. The same Calum Hood that woke her up by pouring a bucket of water on her that morning. Freezing cold water. Dickhead.

“Why are you doing this? Like why are you actually doing this?” She asked suddenly, making Calum meet her gaze with those brown eyes of his.

He shrugged, averting his gaze for a moment before speaking, “Publicity. It might not get us any more listeners but it’ll get people talkin’.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence before y/n nodded her head, “Fair enough. I’m gonna get going. Bye.”

And with that, y/n left the room.

  Both y/n and Calum were walking together, hand in hand after a lovely ‘date’ together. It, honestly, was nothing short of awkward. Honestly, they didn’t know what to talk about with one another when they weren’t fighting; something that they became painfully aware of on their trip out that evening.

Calum, despite normally being reserved and quiet in public, actually took the lead in the conversation. Mostly because y/n didn’t know what to say and they knew that they couldn’t sit in silence, especially if someone noticed them and noticed that they didn’t even talk to one another.

It was the first PR date that had been set up, only three days after their meeting discussing the start of their fake relationship. Y/n couldn’t lie, she was incredibly nervous and uncomfortable, her white dress doing nothing to protect her from the cold air nipping at her skin.

As instructed, she was holding onto Calum’s arm, one wrapped around and intertwined with his bicep and the other one clasping their hands together. It’s a strange and awkward movement to uphold, especially when walking but they do it nonetheless.

“Calum, stop going so fast, I can’t keep up properly,” Y/n muttered to him quietly, almost tripping over her own feet when she felt herself getting tugged yet again due to her hold on Calum.

His eyes briefly flicked back to her, “I can’t really help it, y/n. I’m already going as slow as I can.”

“Well sorry I don’t have legs like the BFG like you, I’m trying not to fall ‘cause you keep tugging at me. This dress was not a good move for this,” She grumbled quietly again and Calum doesn’t even reply. Instead, he started walking even faster, “Calum! Slow down!”

She was pulled into a lane by Calum by the time she had finished that sentence, his hands on either side of her arms holding her in place. His broad shoulders are obstructing her from being able to see out of the small alleyway but before she could ask why he did that, he’s shushing her quietly and whispering, “Saw the paps. They saw me, too. It’s time.”

God, he made it sound so dramatic. It wasn’t like they were fighting off any evil spirit or villain, all they had to do was get caught kissing by the paps. It didn’t seem like it was going to be a particularly difficult job, just one they had to execute properly, and right now everything was going pretty smoothly. They just had to make sure that it looked authentic and like they actually wanted to do it.  

He let out a breath he was holding as he looked down at her, asking her silently for permission to start as his fingers went around the back of her neck, thumb resting on her cheek. She nodded her head and he began to lean in, y/n standing on her tip-toes with her arms splayed over Calum’s shoulders woth him bending down and pressing his lips on hers.

They kissed for several moments, taking little breaks in between. No tongue was a rule they had decided on so instead they stuck to closed mouth. On the last peck shared between the two of them, Calum gently pulled away, y/n’s bottom lip trapped between his lips before her feet hit the ground, their lips now completely disconnected.

She, discretely, tried to peek around Calum to see the paps, but couldn’t, so instead, they stayed in that position for a little while longer. Her eyes glanced up at Calum, seeing him still staring down at her, she whispered, “What?”

“Nothing,” He dismissed, shaking his head hesitantly before he took a small step back before putting his hand out for y/n to grab onto. She shot him a smile as she laced their fingers together, tugging him along and out of the alley.

The games had begun.

  It’s only about a week later when y/n was doing her washing as normal in some hotel’s launderette. She had been off of social media for the past few days, paying no mind to the several thousand people talking about her and Calum's 'relationship’. It surely had blown up, and some might say more than they had expected it to. Y/n had accumulated thousands of more followers after the whole fiasco and although she wouldn’t admit it, she enjoyed seeing the fan theories.

Calum had actually been a lot nicer to her recently, something she hadn’t expected, but enjoyed very much. A smile is on her face as she thought about the lack of pranks that he had been playing on her, and sure, he was still irritating her but it was simply with his words. He walked her down to the launderette, before turning to get his own load of dark clothes.

Surprisingly, despite having rather heavy music, y/n owned quite a lot of white clothes. Sure, she mostly wore black, but right now she was washing her white clothes. Well, what were her white clothes...

Now? They’re pink.

She took the wet fabric out of the washer, noticing one of her favorite white dresses is now dyed an ugly pink, one that she knows she won’t pull off. Her eyebrows are furrowed, a frown settling on her face as she tried to pull the clothes out, trying to find the root cause of the problem.

That’s when she found it. A red sock; Calum’s red sock.

Suddenly everything seemed to make sense as to why he was being so nice to her; so he could pull another prank on her when she least expected it. That’s why he had waited behind once she left the launderette, that’s why he seemed so interested in her white, now pink, clothes that she apparently ‘hadn’t washed in a while and should definitely wash’. 

“Calum!” She screamed out in anger, glad for the lack of other people in the small room, clenching her fists around the wet, pink clothes in her hand. They’re all ruined, inconsistent blotches of different shades of pinks coating the fabrics.

It was only seconds later when Calum popped his head up in confusion, “Yeah?”

Except, Y/n didn’t reply, and instead trained her e/c eyes onto his brown ones with a firm glare, one filled with frustration and anger. He, however, hadn’t seen her glare just yet as he surveyed the room before he catches onto her crouched-down figure. She watched as they trailed down to the pink clothes in her hand and he struggles to fight a grin off of his face.

“Thought you were doin’ a white load, y/n/n?” His voice had snide amusement in it and it only made y/n even madder.

However, before she replied, she grabbed onto the red sock of his and threw it at his head, letting out a complaint that sounds more like a whine, “You’ve ruined my favorite dress, asshole!”

“Woah calm down sweetheart, don’t be rude to your boyfriend,” Calum teased, walking around to where y/n was sat, reaching down to ruffle her hair. She quickly swatted his hand away with a grumble.

“Fake. Fake boyfriend, Hood.”

Calum simply rolled his eyes in reply, waving her off, “Yeah, yeah whatever. Enjoy your pink clothes.”

     It was only a week later when management is rushing them to take nice pictures together and becoming Instagram official. Theories are still burning in the air, especially after they were ‘caught’ by paps, kissing, for a second time. Everyone knew something was going on, that much was obvious, but they wanted to hear it from them.

They snapped pictures off stage, the last one being of Calum’s arm over y/n’s shoulder, holding her close to his body with her lips placed on his cheek. Her eyes are closed upon instruction, and he has a bright smile on his face, looking straight at the camera. The photos they snapped were quickly looked over before they’re approved to post on Instagram.

Y/n doesn’t know what to say, and in fact, she’s finding it hard to breathe. It was only fifteen minutes before she had to go on stage for their next concert, and this was the most nervous she had felt in ages. What if she gets hate? What if the whole fandom hated her? She knew that most likely some fangirls would be jealous, that was perfectly understandable, she just hoped no one went far enough to send her tons of hate; especially considering it was fake.

Y/n didn’t like this situation any more than they did but there was nothing she could do about it. Watching over Calum’s shoulder, she saw him press post, and she felt like she couldn’t even breathe. She felt like the air was being restricted from her lungs, and she can’t even bring herself to opening her phone to see people freaking out over the announcement of their ‘relationship’.

“Well, that’s that.” Calum looked at her over his shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as his brown eyes wrack over her face. She’s pale, and she didn’t even seem to hear his as he talked, making his eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Y/n? You good there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” She dismissed quickly, taking a step away from him, wringing her hands awkwardly. She’s nodding her head, but her eyes are firmly set on the ground now and Calum knows that she’s nervous. Sure, the two weren’t close and Calum took enjoyment in annoying her, but he was surprisingly good at telling how she was feeling simply from her body movements.

He hesitated, lips parting as he thought of what to say as he stared at the smaller girl who looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but after a few moments, his lips snapped shut. He wasn’t good at consoling, especially not her. And even if he did want to try, what could he possibly say?

This situation wasn’t ideal for her. Sure, it got her publicity, but he knew it wasn’t the type that she wanted. She hadn’t been fully introduced to the famous lifestyle yet, articles written about her, fan accounts, everything so he knew this was going to be hard for her. It took him a while to adjust to the lifestyle, and sure things like paps were still uncomfortable but they weren’t scary anymore.

As he stared at her, a frown prominent on his lips, he studied her. He noticed how awkward and uncomfortable she had become from the moment that he had posted the photo, almost as if she was awaiting an attack. He knew it was scary, the paps, the fangirls, and he also knew that this abrupt change in lifestyle from this moment on was going to be difficult for her; so he would make it easier.

He would answer the questions, take the heat about the relationship. He would protect her from all of the nasty comments as best as he could because no one deserved to be flung into the lifestyle like she was being right now, despite wanting publicity. This was a whole new life starting for her from the moment he posted the picture and as he nodded his head discretely, it was like a deal had been sealed with himself.

He was going to help her through this, even if she still hated him.

      It was three hours after the show had taken place and she still hadn’t turned her phone back on yet. She felt sick to her stomach, staring at her phone almost as if it was taunting her; itching for her to open Instagram but at the same time, wanting her to stay far, far away from the app.

Yet, soon enough she found herself booting up her phone and going onto Instagram, almost immediately finding Calum’s photo. She clicked on the comments and was pleasantly surprised. People were actually being supportive.

“omg look at them!!!”

“THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER WTF”

“I want someone to look at me the way Cal looks at Y/n”

That last one made her smile. She knew exactly what picture they were referencing. The one where y/n has her back to the camera in Calum’s embrace, and he’s staring down at her with a smile, arms wrapped around her, pulling her flush against his chest. She remembered her face buried deep into Calum’s shirt, surprised that the makeup she was wearing didn’t rub off on the material.

She was subconsciously shaking her head as she pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. She flicked back up to the pictures, almost analyzing the way Calum stared down at her. The fan was right, Calum looked at her with so much “love” in his eyes, a look that y/n had never seen on Calum before.

It was crazy. If y/n didn’t know any better she would think that Calum actually was in love with her but the only thing he loved about her, was how annoyed he could get her. Calum was certainly a good actor, looking at her like she was the sun and he was the revolving planets; like the only girl in the entire universe. Well, at least if Calum got bored of music he could go into acting.

They already had everyone fooled, and they were just getting started...

[vonkarma2]

either breaking bad or revolutionary girl utena whichever you’d prefer

I wanted to do both but that would take a long time so I decided to do some for rgu and some for breaking bad and some for both of them. Enjoy this confusing and disorienting experience

favorite male character: There’s really not that many to choose from in rgu most of them suck. Miki wins by doing nothing. For real though I am sympathetic to him and I think he’s interesting (even though his English va sounds weirdly old and also like the voice of tintin from the tintin tv show) + he’s just a guy yk he’s just a kid like the rest of the student council members so I do feel bad for him + want him to leave Ohtori and all. Also honorable mention to that little boy whose name I forget, some people hated his episode and I get why but I didn’t dislike it. In breaking bad I have to say ummmmmm saul for being funny 

favorite female character: Skyler by default since she got the most focus out of any female character, but genuinely I like a lot of scenes with her even though occasionally I have some problems with how she’s written overall it’s not even that bad it’s so frustrating how hated she is I feel like at worst people should be largely indifferent but they’re literally insane. But yeah that one argument she had with Walter about waiting for him to die late in the game was really good that was like the most intense scene in the show for me. With rgu it’s close between Utena Anthy and Nanami (although I like the other female characters too especially Juri). All of those 3 have been my favorite and it changes from time to time, but currently it’s Utena her design and personality + really charming and I think she’s very sympathetic, + I also like how they made her flawed in a lot of ways which are shown very subtly. Also I like her pink hair it’s so cute goated character design

least favorite character: The answer to this isn’t going to be interesting it’s Akio he’s like……. I mean if you’ve seen the show you know he’s so manipulative towards these children and is just a disgusting person on every level, not in like a funny way either it’s just really sad to watch. In breaking bad Hank highkey sucks like he gets away with a lot of shit that fans like NEVER talk about, I won’t mention it here bc moderate spoilers but like :| Walter is ofc worse though

prettiest character: Jane <3 

funniest character: Walter White is literally hilarious like throughout the entire show, from the beginning where he’s yelling at Jesse for whatever the fuck, to the time he asked Jesse which one he was when he told him one of his friends was killed, to the time he shut down meth lab production to swat a fly, to the time he crawled through broken glass, to the time he [spoiler] Jesse and somehow was still mad enough at him to tell him about how he [spoiler]. Truly out of touch with reality, and comically incompetent and foolish, until the very end. In rgu it’s nanami

favorite season: for breaking bad s4, it has a very exciting overall narrative and many of my favorite moments were in this season as well. It’s not the very end but it’s far enough in to have a lot going on yk. For Utena it doesn’t have seasons but it does have arcs and I like many other fans love the black rose arc, I really like all the individual episodes and the premise and the visuals, cannot be beat in my opinion 

favorite episode: I actually really liked the episode with one of Nanami’s sidekick girls during the black rose arc I know some people don’t care abt it but for whatever reason it really resonated with me, maybe because she’s stuck even further in the background than Wakaba? Idk I just felt really bad for her + so I really enjoyed her episode. I also liked the episode where Utena fights Mikage, the one where Nanami has to go to India, and the egg episode. Dw I like the actually good popular acclaimed episodes too 

favorite romantic ship: I don’t really have much interest in any of the romantic relationships on either of these shows except Anthy and Utena ofc so them, I like how their relationship ends up actually helping Anthy a lot and legitimately changing her worldview when that hadn’t happened before yk. And then I’ve heard it’s developed more in the movie, but I haven’t seen that, so I wouldn’t know. But I do like them a lot together 

favorite family ship: All the family relationships in both of these shows are pretty bad in one way or another LMAO I wouldn’t really say any of them. I guess Skyler and Walt Jr but even then I just felt bad for her (and also secondhand embarrassment) most of the time.   If we’re counting better call saul (we’re not it’s a different show) then Chuck and Jimmy’s relationship is ofc very interesting and a huge focus of the show. And Miki and Kozue I believe el have some development I think it’s nice to see them kind of fix their relationship ship later on. 

favorite friend ship: Anthy and Chu Chu bitch!!! Chu Chi the only light in the darkness for Anthy for years and they are true friends. I also really like the idea of Juri becoming friends with Utena and Anthy but that’s not really shown very much in the show. In breaking bad I think Badger and Skinny Pete are funny so them I love their Star trek scene that’s like the last funny thing in the show

worst ship: all the bad ones I guess the only like non creepy ship that people have that theres like somewhat indication of in the show is Touga/Saionji which I do kind of dislike considering how toxic both of them are as people and how their relationship is as well, especially with how manipulative Touga is. Some people think of it as post-character development or whatever but even so I don’t really like it. Wait I guess there’s also Juri/Shiori. Yeah that’s not that bad Im sticking with my original answer

[drawlfoy]

The Wonders of Ohio P.5

masterlist (check here for parts 1-4!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: from 14 year old me babey

warnings: cringe, mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, language, and just bad writing

summary: y/n is in her senior year of high school when she is asked to take on an exchange student from britain that’s a little...different. this is NOT a nonmagic AU. draco is still a wizard and this will become and integral part of the story shortly.

a/n: heyyyy everyone. i graduated from high school this week and i’m posting this as my happy-one-year-to-me. as some of you may know, i posted my very first fic on this day a year ago. i’m really happy to see how i’ve grown since and i’m so lucky to have shared this with all of you. anyways, nittygritty--

this part is really the last slow exposition chapter. chapters 6 on will be a whole whirlwind beginning with homecoming and i hope that you guys are willing to stick around. i promise itll be worth the wait. y/n is going to get the story arc of a lifetime and also please do not hate heather she is just going through it ok 

anywayssssssss

tags tags tags  @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural

word count: 4.6k (;))

song recs: 

strawberry blonde -- mitski 

in your neighbors garden -- mimi bay

wishes -- beach house

ode to artifice -- samia 

pink in the night -- mitski

enjoy <3

The seatbelt buckle scorched the side of Y/N’s exposed neck as she turned to face the disheveled blonde in the passenger seat.

“Do I need to teach you to set an alarm?” 

Draco let out a huff. “Stop. Do you have a….a comb, or a brush, or something here?” His hands looked abnormally fidgety. Their actions were shaky, varying from patting his pockets to running through his hair. He seemed more and more frustrated each time his hands left his pockets empty. 

How curious Y/N thought as she racked her brain for any remembrance of putting a brush in her car. It was always a mess, and she honestly couldn’t blame Draco for assuming that anything could be in there.

“I don’t think there’s one here,” said Y/N, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic despite the fact that his tardiness had them 10 minutes late. “You can look around if you want, king.”

“What’d you call me?” His voice was suddenly sharp and awake.

Y/N rolled her eyes so hard that she thought they’d get stuck in the back of her head. “You don’t--ok. It’s a joke. You can call guys here that.”

“And it means that I’m…?”

“It means I’m acknowledging that you exist, I guess. It’s not like it has a strict negative or positive connotation. Like, I can say ‘Ok king’ to any man telling me something and it can either be sarcastic, or it can be because I don’t know what else to say and just want to let him know I heard him.”

Draco’s eyes looked a tad glazed over when Y/N dared a glance in his direction.

“I know it’s confusing. I’m sorry. I’ll try and ease you into the world of American slang.” 

He granted her a little “uh-huh” before opening up the glovebox with great difficulty and rummaging through the mess. Y/N would’ve felt more embarrassed about the tampon that fell on the ground in the process if he seemed like he actually knew what it was. 

Her attention turned back to the road as Draco continued to sift through things. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything embarrassing hidden away in the corners of her car--after all, it hadn’t been organized since the beginning of summer--and decided that it was better to pretend it wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t the eerie silence that eventually prompted her to turn to look his direction--no, it was the weird energy in the car, like the feeling right before a thunderstorm. All the hair raised on her arms, and she shivered...but it was stifling hot in the car.

“Oh, did you find a brush?” she asked. His hair laid as perfectly as always, but his hands were lying shaking in his lap, palms to the sky. No hairbrush was in sight.

“Er... “ He was paler than usual, which was quite the feat for someone who looked like a ream of paper. “No. Just remembered a trick my father taught me.”

She tensed at the mention of his father--the very first time Draco had done so. “Oh. Okay. Glad you got it figured out, king.”

Her voice lightened on the last word, hoping she could coax a little smile out of him. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Ok.”

oOo

 There were many things Y/N thought she understood, but Draco Malfoy being in her Physics C class was not one of them. She took pity and sat next to him as he fumbled his way through the first lecture. His notes, while neat, were littered with crossed out portions and question marks. 

You do know there’s an eraser on your pencil, right? she jotted on a note that she sent his way. His brow furrowed and he seemed to tap at the end of the eraser for just a few moments before deciding otherwise and xing out another practice problem he’d done incorrectly. Symbols that she’d never seen before were scattered all throughout his notes. 

Maybe the UK kids just learn stuff differently.

By the time that Physics came to an end, Y/N was eager to get away from the storm cloud that was brewing over Draco’s perfectly smoothed and infuriatingly pretty moonbeam colored hair. The amount of attention he was getting from all the other girls made Y/N want to jump off a cliff--suddenly everyone was her “best friend” “just wanting to check up on what happened over summer”. She was grateful to see the face of Lizzy, grinning and looking mischievous during their break period.

“You must be Draco,” said the redhead, a glint in her eyes. He looked a little scared.

“Er...yeah.”

“Mind giving us some privacy? Y/N and I have some urgent matters to discuss,” she continued, looking him up and down. Y/N attempted to ignore the twist in her gut as she watched him swallow and nod, turning away to go brood elsewhere. Once he was out of sight, Lizzy grabbed her arm and yanked her into the girl’s bathroom.

“It’s so funny how he’s following you around like a lost puppy,” Lizzy said. “Also, he’s gorgeous. If you don’t at least try to get some of that, then I’m never trusting your judgement again.”

“But, Li-”

“The boy’s a fucking walking Wattpad story cover. Dark, tragic past, unbelievably sharp jawline, rich parents, exotic accent....honestly, Y/N, I don’t know what else you could want.” 

“Mom literally called him my host brother,” said Y/N. The bathroom was starting to smell suspiciously like cotton candy. “That’s wrong. On so many levels.” 

“But you’re not related!”

“But it’s gross! And predatory! The kid doesn’t even know how to do basic algebra! I’m all he has!” 

Lizzy’s eyebrow found its new home in the middle of her forehead. “You’ve gone absolutely batty if you think that every girl cursed with attraction to men in Cincinnati wouldn’t jump his skin at the chance. Use your head, queenie. He’s not alone. Shoot your shot.”

Y/N opened her mouth to serve back a retort--that was definitely there, thank you very much--but decided against it once she realized that the bathroom had become dead silent. “Um...maybe we can go over this later.” She flickered her eyes over to the line behind them that was now intently hanging on their every word. “I forgot I had to talk to the counselor.”

Lizzy was smirking as they exited the bathroom and began the search for Draco. It didn’t take long--the circle comprised of Heather and her friends was more than enough of a giveaway that he was about. 

“Draco, sorry to make you wait,” Y/N called out. It took all her effort to abstain from cringing as her voice rang out across the group. Heather turned to send her a big smile.

“Hey Y/N! You didn’t tell me that Draco was from London!” 

“He’s not,” she responded. “He’s from Wiltshire.” 

“Wiltshire. Of course. That’s what I meant.”

Draco’s smile was tense as he looked down at Heather--who stood roughly 4 inches below him--but he was smiling, and that wasn’t something that Y/N was on the receiving end of frequently. She didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved.

“I’m sure. Break’s almost over, Draco. I can show you where the English department is before the time is up.” 

 He paused, looking down at the blonde grinning up at him. “Er, actually, Heather already offered to show me around for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, for sure. I’ll see you in French.”

Y/N was shocked at the sheer amount of jealousy that rose up in her throat as she turned away and made her way to Art History---the only class Y/N and Draco didn’t share. The walk was strange. Being in solitude after having a gloomy British boy attached to her hip was understandably eerie. Because that’s all it was. Adjustment. Nothing else.

She settled in at a table full of her friends, namely Sylvia. The tall girl was always a bit whimsical, but Y/N found that she was a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. It made sense that Sylvia would take Art History--her dark academic inspired aura and the perpetually hot mug of black coffee just screamed history nut. 

“How’s your new brother?” she asked after the teacher had taken attendance. “I say that because I haven’t heard his name yet.”

“Ick, it’s gross to think of him as my brother,” Y/N responded. “And I know! We need to catch up. I’m sorry about not talking to you for a bit. The time difference was a bit weird during your trip.”

“It’s ok, I get it. I was away on family business, anyways. I didn’t expect you to spend your days staying up until the wee hours of the night to tell me all about your exchange student. Anyways. His name?”

“You’re gonna scream when you hear it, Vie,” she said. “Draco Malfoy. It’s so posh. You have no idea. It definitely suits him, though. He’s very...You good?” 

Sylvia’s olive toned face looked a bit paler than usual. “Yeah. Yeah, I just remembered that I forgot to take the trash out this morning. I’ll have to text my mom about it.” She adjusted the wool cardigan that hung around her shoulders and came up looking composed. “Draco, huh? His parents must hate him.”

“At the very least! He’s so rude. And uptight. I can’t tell if it’s just a Brit thing or if it’s because he’s an asshole.” 

Sylvia laughed. “I mean, when I was there over the summer, it was a different culture for sure. We’re by far louder. But I didn’t meet many mean ones. You must’ve just got a bad apple, then.”

“I guess so. He is pret--”

“Ladies, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?”

“No, Mrs. Jensen,” Sylvia and Y/N said in unison. 

oOo

“Thoughts, king?” 

“I told you not to call me that.” Draco glared at her as he tried to open the passenger side door to find that it was locked tight. “Unlock? Please?”

“And I told you not to get cozy with ASB kids, yet here we are,” said Y/N as she slotted the key into the lock and turned. 

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing. I’m just looking out for you.” She slammed the door shut and threw her bag in the bag. The line of traffic to get out of the school was long and stuffy, and she was eager to just get it over with.

The wait was so hot that Draco peeled off his stupid formalish jacket that was on thin ice of being called a blazer and probably worth more than her car. Y/N tried to look away as his hair became slightly ruffled, but she couldn’t pry her eyes away. It was endearing, almost, how someone who could look so posh and serious could have ruffly hair--and hair that naturally light, too. She had asked him one night if it was dyed, and he scowled at her and told her the grammatically correct term was dead, and that his hair was alive, just like the rest of him, thank you very much. She dropped it. 

Y/N finally rolled down her window after the AC simply refused to satisfy her, and the wind was a nice reminder to keep in her own lane. Draco was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. He had a feel of power to him, like he was capable of anything but just held it back. But he was just as inaccessible as he was pretty, and there was nothing she could do about that.

“Y/N?” He asked after a few moments of sitting in silence. “What’s Homecoming?” 

“Who told you about that?” 

“Heather. She asked if I had a date. Is that like a ball here?”

“She asked you if you had a date on the first day?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. ASB kids never do sleep, huh.” 

“What?”

“Homecoming isn’t a ball. It’s like a...an…” Y/N paused as she saw Draco raise his eyebrows. “It’s, like, uh….Well I guess it is like a ball. An American one, though. Way less extravagant. It’s an excuse to get dressed up and run around the city. There technically is a dance, and all the ASB kids have to go, but literally no one else does but the underclassmen. Normally I go out with my friends and a date to somewhere fun and take pictures. And then get trashed afterwards.”

“Classy,” said Draco. “I think you can go now.”

A honk behind her emphasized his point as the space in between her and the car in front widened substantially. 

“Thanks. Anyways, it’s not really a big deal. I’d suggest not going with Heather so you can skip out on the dance portion. Or if you want to go with her, get her to come with us into Cincinnati because I am not going to spend my last homecoming watching a grind circle.” 

“A...what circle? And I don’t want to go with her.”

The relief Y/N felt was embarrassing. “Um...better if you don’t worry about it. You have a long time to figure it out anyways.”

He seemed satisfied with that answer, propping his elbow up on the center console. The pristine button up he was wearing had ridden up, exposing the pale skin and the bottom of the tattoo she had seen a hint of earlier. “Do you have a date?”

“Um. No, not yet. I don’t think anyone except for couples do yet. We have until the end of this month to figure it out, so I’m not too worried about it.”

He nodded as Y/N’s car finally left the school parking lot and began picking up speed. 

“I’m assuming you had balls? At your posh boarding school?” 

“Er…” Draco ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it further. “We only had one. It was when I was 14. We called it the Yule Ball.”

“Why only one?”

“It was for a special occasion. We had two other schools join us as well. It was quite a good time.”

“So every student only has one ball in their lifetime?”

“Of course not. Some of us--the ones from old families--have events like that regularly.”

“I’m sorry if this is overstepping my bounds,” began Y/N, noticing how he tensed up, “So you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I’m just wondering, what is your family like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like are they nice?”

“Oh.” The line in his forehead relaxed. “No. They wouldn’t like you.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Do you like them?”

She heard the breath hitch in his throat. “I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to think about it when you feel like they’ve just shipped you off without anyone,” she added. “I’m really sorry, Draco. I know I’ve been a bit mean to you. I know that I’ll never be able to understand what you’re going through right now.”

The slight smile that spread across his face would’ve knocked her to her knees if she wasn’t already sitting down. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

The silence that awaited them for the rest of the journey was comfortable.

oOo

School began to pick up the pace after the first few days. Y/N got into the swing of homework and her extracurricular workload. Draco was having a bit more difficulty, she presumed, but he’d never admit to it. She took pity one evening and gave him her laptop opened to a Khan Academy tab for Physics and was pleased to see that he showed up to class the next day with completed homework. He asked to borrow her laptop on a much more frequent basis after that. 

The routine they settled into had her heart leaping into her chest almost constantly--they’d eat breakfast together at the table, Y/N would try to ignore how pretty he looked across the table as they shared a pot of black tea (earl grey, which Y/N was thrilled to learn was his favorite as well), they’d get in the car, she’d write him notes in physics to help him (even though he never asked, he always smile and give a little shake of his head before unfolding them and intently staring at her writing), they’d drive home together and bitch about their French teacher, he’d retire to his room and do whatever pretty blonde Brits do in the afternoon, they’d meet unexpectedly at the same time in the late evening to have a final cup of tea, and then they’d go to bed and do it all over again. 

It was difficult for her to admit, but Y/N was falling very quickly for Draco. It was gross, and wrong, and manipulative, and completely against the code of conduct for exchange families, but she couldn’t help but spend her days fantasizing about how his gold-spun hair would feel as she ran her fingers through it or how gently she’d trace her fingers around the tattoo on the soft flesh of his forearm…

But Y/N knew those thoughts weren’t right. And they would go away. Eventually. 

“How’s it going?” Sylvia asked, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts. The Art History sub told them to go into independent study, whatever that meant. Y/N was not very good at either of those words.

“Pretty good. I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks already,” she said. “It’s gonna be Halloween before we know it.”

“I can’t fucking waitttt,” said Sylvia. “I’m gonna be Wednesday Addams.”

“Again?”

“What else would I be? I get a new high collared black dress every year. It’d be a shame if it were going to go to waste. What are you gonna be?”

“One of the thousands of students finishing their UChicago ED app hours before the deadline.”

“You’re kidding. Can’t you just finish it the day before?”

“Where’s the fun in that? And, plus, I don’t have an idea as cool as Wednesday.”

Sylvia smirked as she opened up her planner and began to jot down something. “How’s Draco doing? I haven’t seen much of him lately. It seems like he never hangs out with us at break anymore.”

“Yeah, I ended up getting him connected with the Physics teacher. He’s getting tutored now. He thinks it’s all bullshit, but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get into a good school.”

“Is that all you care about?” She smiled at Y/N. “Lizzy was telling me that you’re interested in him.”

“First of all, keep your voice down. Second of all, I’m not supposed to be, so I’m not.” Y/N hoped that the edge in her voice was convincing enough.

Her friend raised her eyebrows so dramatically that her glasses nearly slipped off her nose. “Y/N, who’s gonna hear about it. You guys are both going away at the end of the year anyways, and I’m sure he’s not going to be writing to his dear mum about his love life. If it’s consensual, there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it’d be good for both of you.”

“I see that, but let’s put me in his shoes right now.” Y/N shuffled in her seat and clasped her hands. “I’m rich. I’m British. I’m very hot. My parents throw extravagant balls for me and I kiss pretty girls that say water like ‘wota’. I’ve spent my life in silk and I only drink the finest teas. My family is so important that I had to be shipped off halfway across the world just to be safe. And now my incredibly expensive life has reached a peak because I’m sleeping with a random girl in Ohio that has run approximately 4 stop signs since I’ve met her.”

“You’re sleeping with Draco?” 

Y/N turned to see Lauren, a wide-eyed, obnoxious, but well meaning girl staring at her. She heard Sylvia stifle a laugh behind her. “No. I was kidding.” The smile that she followed with was awkward and showed way too many teeth. 

“Oh, okay,” said Lauren. “Do you know if he likes anyone?”

Sylvia’s smirk widened.

“No, actually, he’s a pretty private guy.” Y/N sent her another tense smile, and Lauren finally turned away.

“Jealous, huh?”

“Shut up, Vie. You know I wouldn’t go for him. Even if I had the chance.”

She just raised an eyebrow and smiled. 

The afternoon brought its own set of struggles. Their French teacher had blown up at another student who had been caught cheating on their last test, and it was all Y/N could do but hold back her snickers until they were out in the parking lot.

“I can’t believe they still managed to conjugate their cheat sheet wrong.” Y/N was gasping for breath as she unlocked the car door and threw her stuff inside. Draco was watching from the passenger seat, his lips in a soft upturn. “Can you imagine? Oh my god.”

He just shook his head and turned to look out the window, but she could see the smile slowly stretching across his face. “Ridiculous. You could totally tell Monsieur enjoyed it, too. I bet he gets off on making kids like Joey cry.”

“I had a teacher like that,” he started. “He was a Poti-a chemistry teacher.”

“Oh? Did he ever attack you?”

“No. He liked me. Family friends and all.”

“Ah. I almost forgot that your family was rich and influential. Thanks for the reminder.” She reached across and lightly punched his shoulder. His smile, though still remaining, seemed to shrink. “Hey, what’s that in your bag?” 

Y/N motioned to the cardstock peeking out of his nondescript black backpack that always seemed to fit more than it was meant to. She could make out a few words written in what looked like a bright red sharpie--something that did not exactly scream Draco Malfoy aesthetic.

He froze up. “Er. It’s from Heather. I think she called it a Homecoming ask?”

Y/N’s throat dried up to the point that no words would willingly make the climb from her diaphragm to her tongue; instead, she settled for giving him a little nod and what she hoped was a convincing smile.

“I told her I’d think about it,” he continued. “I remember you saying that the school dances sucked. So I let her know that I wasn’t sure yet.”

She nodded again. “Super cool. You can do whatever you want, though. You can come with my group if you’d like, but you’re welcome to go with Heather’s.”

“What? So you aren’t coming with me if I go with Heather?”

“Fuck no, dude. I don’t hate her, but I would way prefer to spend a night with my friends than some girl from my French class that only talks to me because she thinks you’re hot.” 

The expression Draco made reminded Y/N that he would never get comfortable with American girls calling him hot. “Ok. Have you found a date yet?”

“Chad from Econ asked me yesterday.”

“Is that why my seat was covered in glitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going with him?” Draco’s hand was clenched tight in a fist in his lap.

“I think so,” said Y/N, steeling herself and deciding to just go for it. “But, of course, if you asked me I would say no to Chad. Just out of principle. I am supposed to be your tour guide, after all.”

The only parts of him moving were the few stray wisps of his hair being pushed around by the AC going. 

“But that’d be weird. I’d only expect you to take that up if you really didn’t want to go to the dance itself.” She swallowed and pulled out onto the main street, putting distance between them and the school. He was silent for a few moments. The quiet, normally comfortable between them, was stifling and strange. She pretended to ignore the way he was fiddling with his cuffs. 

“Yeah, it could be,” was all he said before slumping against the window and closing his eyes.

Mrs. Y/L/N was sitting at the head of the coffee table when the two arrived home, carding between a stack of letters in front of her. The mug of something--probably that new decaf blend she hadn’t stopped raving about--was sitting lopsided on a coaster, just barely about to topple off the edge. She looked like she hadn’t moved for hours, the novel she had been previously reading sat face down to preserve the spot next to her no doubt lukewarm drink.

“Hey Mom,” Y/N said as she set her keys down. “Anything good?”

She looked up, her expression morphing from startled to happy. “Other than the college brochures? Nothing, except...hm, what’s this?”

Her well manicured hand pulled at a crimson envelope, with sloping writing that seemed to shimmer in the light. 

To the Y/L/N Family, it read. The loopiness of the writing looked like it wiggled at the ends, but that had to be a trick of the light. It was dim in the kitchen during afternoons, after all. 

“It looks cool, open it u--”

“No!”

Draco’s voice had never sounded so loud as it did then as he lunged across the kitchen, snatching it out of her mother’s hand and clutching it to his chest. “Er, it’s for me. I recognize the handwriting.”

 “Cool, see you later,” said Y/N. She was up the stairs and slamming her door before either of her housemates could say another word. After the horrible embarrassment that was technically Draco’s rejection, she needed to be alone. 

Even burying her face into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut didn’t keep the scenes from their car ride at bay. She had been so stupid, so stupid. Why did she even think he wanted that? He was her brother, after all. Oh god, does he think we’re all from Alabama or something?

She wallowed for a few more mournful minutes before deciding that she had to pick herself up and handle it like an adult. After all, she was going to be 18 in just a few months. There was no excuse for her to act like a child anymore. And, plus, it wasn’t like she couldn’t just play this off as a pity invite. Yes,that’s what she’d frame this as if he ever asked her about it again. She felt bad for him was all it was. 

Once satisfied with her internal dialogue, she rolled out of bed and made for the foyer where her bag was still on the table. She’d first walk on Legos barefoot before she had to let a stupid boy--especially one that didn’t know how to turn on their shower and had to ask for her help every time--come between her and her 4.0. Never.

Her thoughts were cut short, however, when she heard a new sound from his side of the hallway. She froze, listening closely. 

Draco was crying.

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov playlist annotations!

A note on the cover photo: I don’t really like this one but I got tired of looking at men on Pinterest so I gave up. The window symbolizes the rum window and the smoking symbolizes uhhhhh habitual bad life choices idk

Drinking game take a shot every time I say “it’s about the vibes”

Wrecking Ball - Mother Mother

“I break it just because I can”

This is THEE ‘I am going to cause problems on purpose’ song and that is like his entire narrative purpose!! Argue with me about this one I dare you

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty - Panic! At The Disco

“If you wanna start a fight you better throw the first punch, make it a good one”

Partially its just vibes, I won’t lie. But also the consistent spoiling for a fight is very in character

Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC

“I’m like evil, I get under your skin”

It’s got I Am Morally Repulsive But Also I’ll Steal Your Girl energy which really hits all of Dolokhov’s character traits. And of course the added bonus of gun imagery.

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

“It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this”

I added it strictly for vibes, but then I realized the quoted lyric is very much him @ the Kuragins if you take the reading that he refuses to admit he actually like them but grows genuinely fond of them over time even though he initially got to know them with a lot of ulterior motives.

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Mama, I just killed a man”

The amount of songs that are on these playlists just for what are essentially your mom jokes since Dolokhov loves his mom so much is a little pathetic. But I’m not wrong! I can’t really put it into words but something about this song has Dolokhov energy.

Feel It Still - Portugal the Man

“Give in to that easy living, goodbye to your hopes and dreams”

A good deal of what I find interesting about Dolokhov is the internal conflict he has of knowing he’s become rather wicked and problematic but also not really trying very hard to change and almost enjoying it so a lot of the songs on here are about that, including this one. The “I’m a rebel just for kicks now” also very much screams Causing Problems On Purpose.

The Bidding - Tally Hall

“I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie”

His whole role in volume one and two is to take advantage of the bourgeoisie! This song also oozes confidence and a sense of superiority that comes from being better than the sellouts in high society, Dolokhov’s not like other girls uwu (he really is, but I don’t think he would admit that).

Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At The Disco

“I could be better but baby it’s Saturday night”

Embracing his own wickedness! The idea that he knows he could be better than he is but he doesn’t want to take that opportunity...yeah vibes

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

“I became such a strange shape from trying to fit in”

This is the epitome of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase he goes through when he’s into Sonya. Also “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color” reminds me of Comet Dolokhov’s stupid eyeliner <3

Some Nights - fun.

“So what is this? I sold my soul for this?”

There’s a long stretch of this playlist that just boils down to “Woe is me I need to be purified” crisis hours, because Dolokhov’s oscillation between embracing his own cruelty and trying to be a good person is super interesting to me. This song captures the idea that he’s still having fun and there’s some good there, but he’s also aware that he’s losing himself a bit

Roaring 20s - Panic! At The Disco

“I don’t even know me”

“Woe is me i need to be purified” crisis AGAIN. This song gets more to the annoyance with society as a whole and feeling kind of lost in it

Send Them Off! - Bastille

“Help me exorcise my mind”

“Please purify me 16 year old girl! I’m 27 this isnt creepy at all ahahahha”. I do despise Sonyakhov but this has the vibes of a man feeling his own evil and wanting a woman to fix it. Not a great look.

Easy Days (Demo) - Bastille

“I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days”

Near the end of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase when he’s kind of drifting back to his old ways and he’s like wait no- wait- and then he does anyway because he’s horrible. I also really like the acknowledgment that his horribleness is easy and pleasant for him, and he has to fight against that (and he loses that fight HDJAJJD).

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

“You trick your lovers that you’re wicked and divine”

This is a Dolokhov/Nikolai song I do not take constructive criticism. Undisclosed desires...not being straight...lots to think about! It feels almost like a corruption arc? Nikolai isn’t corrupted nor does their...fling (?) last very long but Nikolai is obviously enamored with Dolokhov despite him being The Worst so I think this fits. I don’t have enough songs for a Nikolai/Dolokhov playlist so I just add those songs to both of their individual playlists

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

“Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great”

Also mostly a Nikolai/Dolokhov song. This man has never ended a relationship on good terms, huh. Also. Sighs heavily. “He tastes like you only sweeter” never fails to make me laugh when I think about it in the context of Dolokhov post-duel being like oh?? You’re just a stupid WOMAN Hélène your brother and/or Nikolai is hotter than you :/ which is not exactly what I think happened but it makes me laugh to consider. Dolokhov ur bitterrrrr

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

“I’ll be the last man standing here, I’m not going anywhere”

I feel like this has the vibes of his cruelty, especially in that bit after the Kuragins have died when he and Petya infiltrate the French army.

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

“There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man”

He will hurt you and kill you so violently :) It’s about the vibes.

White Wedding Pt. 1 - Billy Idol

“It’s a nice day to start again”

In the exact inverse to his “woe is me I need to be purified” phase, he’s like ok yes i will pick up bad habits again and enjoy them because frick you! I read once that this song is about a relapse into drugs, but I’m making it analogous to his relapse into Terrible Person Behavior after Sonya’s rejection. Also the repetition of the phrase little sister does something for my brain idk, after we know he loves his mom and sister it just fits.

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

“I’m on the highway to hell and I’m goin down”

Like White Wedding, it screams acceptance of his problematicness. He knows he’s cruel and evil and he revels in it. This is the phase we see him in most I think.

Back in Black - AC/DC

“It’s been too long, I’m glad to be back”

I think this plays every time he gets reinstated to an army position he lost by being reckless earlier. Just kidding sort of but listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have Dolokhov vibes. If you do, you’re wrong <3

Poet - Bastille

“I have written you down now, you will live forever”

This is just here cause he ghostwrote Anatole’s love letters and I think it’s funny. It’s MY playlist and I get to choose the barely relevant Bastille songs

St. Jude - Florence + The Machine

“Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”

This one’s more scattered lyrics than an overall vibe. “Each side is a loser so who cares who fired the gun” has duel energy also.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco

Confession: I hate this song. However, it’s about the about the MOM R U PROUD OF ME vibes (she is. Should she be? Probably not).

Rich Kids - Bea Miller

“It’s never enough for the stuck up types”

The not coming from wealth and having to almost scam your way into being part of the aristocratic scene is very Dolokhov. Also in my mind the rich kid he’s roasting is specifically Nikolai.

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

“It’s a rich man’s world”

I’m not SAYING the wealthy man they talk about is Anatole but - [i am shot]. Scheming and clawing your way up to wealth is Dolokhovcore.

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

I literally have no justification for this other than that i think modern AU Dolokhov would vibe with it. Look at the amount of eyeliner he wears in Comet and tell me he didn’t have an emo band phase. You can’t.

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

This is not about the words at all, it’s more about the vibes. It just sounds Dolokhovish to me, don’t ask me to explain.

Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club

“They’re just ghosts and they can’t hurt him if he can’t see them”

This gives me post-Kuragins’ death vibes, and I can’t pin down exactly why? I think it’s the idea of being very alone and closed off.

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

I can’t put a specific lyric to it but it’s the vibes of looking back on your hedonistic youths with nostalgia and rose-colored glasses. Post-Kuragins’ death vibes again.

Go Get Your Gun - The Dear Hunter

“One foot in the grave, the other one’s kickin’ its way right down to hell”

All we see of him after the Kuragins’ death is just him being particularly cruel and reckless, almost careless. This feels like it encapsulates that energy.

The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand

“They say you’re a troubled boy just because you like to destroy”

I’m aware that a good portion of this song is about a Christ figure but I’m going to respectfully ask you to ignore that bit and just focus on all the Sketchy Things the guy does instead. Thank you. He does in fact like to destroy things! Señor Cause Problems On Purpose back at it again at krispy kreme, huh.

[d4rk-x-w0lf-17]

11, 28, 29 and 30?

11. worst 5 characters

Get ready y’all.

Asuka (I never bothered to remember her full name). I genuinely hated her when I first watched NGE. I’m not a big fan of the tsundere type, especially when they’re violent. To me, she was whiny and self-entitled. She’d bitch and bitch about anything and everything but the second she got stuck in a fight with an Angel, she’d cry out for Shinji and it irritated me to no end.

Elizabeth Midford from Black Butler. I hated her so much before I read the manga. She was incredibly annoying and was the damsel in distress way too much for my liking (after I read the manga, I understood why she behaved that way and I actually do tolerate her more).

Inka from Fire Force. I have never hated a character so fast before I met her. We get introduced to her and it’s revealed that she has a hard-on for destruction, but here’s the thing. She’s one of Pillars (like Sho and Shinra), so she’s vital to the plot and needs to be kept away from the White Hoods. Problem is, she joined them with no hesitation because they would let her do whatever she wanted. Shinra tried so hard to help her and keep her safe from the White Hoods but she basically said “Fuck you” to Shinra’s face and left with the White Hoods. Every time she pops up, I want her dead.

Cairngorm from Houseki no Kuni. They were honestly a nice character up until the Moon Arc where they had the last piece of Ghost Quartz removed and they became an absolute asshole, tossing Phos aside like trash over Aechmea. I’m still hoping that Cairngorm apologizes to Phos or at the very least they get shattered. I can’t stand this asshole.

Amy Rose from Sonic X. I still standby with this being her absolute worst version. Even growing up I hated her (I even shipped her with Shadow because I didn’t want her anywhere near Sonic). She may be young, but she’s bratty, annoying, whiny and abusive. Her comic and Boom versions are a major upgrade if I have anything to say about it.

28. give me two anime to pick between

You want a comedy/action series with cute guys? Try Nanbaka where you follow a bunch of inmates through a bunch of hijinks and the occasional heavy action sense. The tonal shift hits you hard.

Not into the idea of following inmates but you still wanna see cute guys? Try Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE! It follows a group of high school students, but there’s a catch: They’re magical boys. It’s a comedy/parody series and it’s a fun ride.

29. give me two characters to pick between

Emma

or

Hinata Shoyou

(these two could be classified as siblings dfghjfd)

30. favorite anime you’d recommend

I have a lot of favorites but probably....

Zatch Bell. It was one of the first I ever watched and it needs more recognition (and a remake).

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[mautadite]

april book round up

20 books this month, which i didn’t see coming. i had more free time than expected, even with working from home and *makes vague hand gestures*. i still have a scribd membership so almost all these books came from there. also i’m putting some thought into reviewing on netgalley, so a couple from there as well.

american fairy tale - adriana herrera ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance in herrera’s dreamers series that follows immigrants and children of immigrants. this second book was fun, a kind of fairy tale romance as the title suggests. a rich guy/poor guy situation which isn’t usually my cup of tea, and the domineering, throw-money-at-every-situation personality of the rich guy got on my nerves, and i wasn’t totally sold on the way the conflict was resolved? but i enjoyed it. herrera’s books just have this down to earth vibe that i love.

unfit to print - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ historical m/m romance. vikram, a young lawyer doing a lot of pro-bono work in the indian community in london, lost touch with his childhood friend gil years and years ago, is pretty sure he’s dead. so imagine his surprise when he comes across him in an unlikely occupation in an unlikely place. this was a charming, touching novella, really interesting historically, with a lot of cool titbits about porn in the 19th century. very sweet romance-wise.

american love story - adriana herrera ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another dreamers novel, this one about a black professor and political activist and a white ADA who had a fling a while back and are now living in the same town. and same apartment building. lol. it did get into real world politics, which i know some people don’t like, but i honestly thought it well done? there were some great bits in this, good insight, one really harrowing moment, and just really great chemistry and character moments.

wanted, a gentleman - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more historical m/m romance from k.j. charles, which i always like, but this one i REALLY liked. which surprised me, because it’s a novella, and with novellas you never spend enough time with characters to really know them and their story and get attached? but that’s exactly what happened here. a well-to-do ex-slave and a poor gazette owner team up to untangle a young love affair. i seriously loved this, the characters are so good together. T__T

far from the world we know - harper bliss ⭐️⭐️ contemporary f/f romance about a young widow with a traumatic past who moves to a tiny new town to take care of her ailing aunt, and slowly falls into a relationship with the owner of the local newspaper. the premise was good, but this honestly felt like every single harper bliss book i’ve ever read, except it had nothing to recommend it. ask me why these characters even like each other. i can’t answer! 

the hound of justice - claire o'dell ⭐️⭐️ the second book in a series that re-imagines the sherlock holmes universe, except as near-future scifi set during a civil war, and both holmes and watson are black lesbians. i LOVED the first book (with a few caveats) and i’ve been looking forward to this one for so long... but it was disappointing. in terms of the writing, in terms of the direction the characters took, in terms of the plot... i have to wonder if i read the first one with rose-tinted glasses. :/ won’t be continuing this series.

the vintner's luck - elizabeth knox ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ *CLUTCHES MY CHEST WITH BOTH HANDS* in my goodreads review i said i didn’t know how to talk about this novel, and i still don’t. but i ADORED IT. so completely. in early 19th century france, the young son of a winegrower climbs a hill on his father’s property, and there, meets an angel. this is the story of them falling in love, but also about family and friendship, love and death. it’s written SO beautifully, and i’ll be thinking about it for a long time.

the family fang - kevin wilson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ OOOF. i went into this knowing that several friends loved it so i knew i probably was gonna too and i DID. it’s about two siblings whose parents have been obsessed (since before the birth of their children, and until the present day where they’re both grown) with the idea of creating perfect art, and how the kids survive that. i actually didn’t enjoy reading many parts of this, but only because it was so well written, if that makes sense? like, it took me right in there with some of the shitty emotions and just made me feel. OOOF.

mrs. martin's incomparable adventure - courtney milan ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ a VERY sweet and charming historical f/f romance between a wealthy 74-yo widow and the cute young 69 (nice) yo landlady who comes to ask for her help. and then they have an adventure! i read it at a great time, because i was beginning to feel really bummed out about how people are trivialising and discounting the lives of older people in this crisis, and there was a really great message of like... life not being over until you SAY it’s over, living like you have 20 more years left. i loved it a lot.

his convenient husband - robin covington ⭐️⭐️ m/m contemporary fake marriage story, about a russian ballet dancer and the widowed american football player he marries to get citizenship. and then they fall in love for realsies. i love fake marriage as a trope, it can be so cute but this was very meh. if a book is gonna handle racism/homophobia in such a shallow way... i’d honestly prefer if the book just pretended those things don’t exist lol. :/ it’s also very very rushed and not well plotted at all. alas.

once ghosted, twice shy - alyssa cole ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ alyssa cole is like my good luck charm, because starting here, i read a bunch of lesbian romance novels that i really liked. this one is part of a series about reluctant royals, and follows the dapper assistant to a prince as she falls for a girl who seemingly ghosts her, and then meets her again months later. it’s a novella, and sort of relies on the fact that you would have met one of the characters in a previous book (which i did read). but i really really liked it, thought it was super cute, and the mcs had great chemistry. it was almost insta-love, which i really don’t like... but i still like this book so much. also best cover?? BEST COVER. 

who'd have thought - g. benson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ now THIS is fake marriage done right!!! f/f contemporary romance about a struggling nurse who comes across an ad offering a chunk of money in exchange for one year of marriage... and the person on the offering end turns out to be the cold, stuck-up but brilliant doctor at the hospital where she works. this was the perfect slow burn, with great character writing, really good set-up, very believable arc as they slowly fall in love. it got me so emotional at times. definitely gonna make sure i read more from this author.

three reasons to say yes - jaime clevenger ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f contemporary about two women who strike up a romance while on vacation in hawaii; one an overworked professional, one a doctor-mom of twin girls. another winner for me. just an extremely cute, very genuine butch/femme romance. it’s funny because i definitely nitpicked on a lot of things in this book, but i only remember the parts of if that made me so fond.

we set the dark on fire - tehlor kay meija ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f YA fantasy in a world deeply divided by class. in the upper echelons of society, girls are trained either to become one of the two wives of upper class men; the primera and the segunda. the story follows a girl who has faked her social class becoming the primera of a very powerful man, getting involved with revolutionaries, and developing a surprising relationship with her husband’s segunda. really interesting world-building, some lovely writing, a really heart-felt core. i had my nitpicks with the plot but i still super enjoyed it, really want to read the second part.

a tale of two mommies  - vanita oelschlager ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ netgalley book. a cute children’s story about a kid with two moms. <3

crier's war - nina varela ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more f/f fantasy YA, this one with the added benefit of being about something that i ADORE reading about in fiction: artificial life. in this fantasy world, automae were created, perfected, became aware of their place in society, fought a war for their autonomy... and won. the story opens up 50 years later, in a society ruled by robots, where humans are subjugated. it follows the current robot ruler’s created daughter and a young human rebel whose one goal is to kill said daughter. i loved this SO much, the enemies to lovers trope was peeeerfect. i wish the writing was tighter, and some plot elements could have used cleaning up, but i enjoyed this so much. the ROMANCE especially was... gah! <3 the second book comes out soon, but i want it like, now.

second dad summer - benjamin klas ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another netgalley book. a fun and charming primary/middle school story about a kid spending the summer with his father, and his father’s new boyfriend, who he doesn’t quite get along with. over the summer he makes new friends, nurtures some plants, learns some lessons. i thought this was well-written, touching, and does a pretty good job of telling kids about queer stuff. 

tempting fate - sloane kennedy ⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m novella (short story honestly) about two ranch hands realising their feelings for one another. it was fine, i read it because i was in the mood for a quick HEA and i got that, but it was also kinda flat and there were several kinda irksome things about it. i reeeeeally don’t like overly possessive characters, lol.

all the reasons i need - jaime clevenger ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more contemporary f/f romance, this one about long time friends who have been in love for ages, slowly coming to a place where they can finally admit their feelings and try to embark upon a relationship. again, while on vacation! this was a lot more sombre than the previous clevenger book, as it deals with past abuse and eating disorders. but i also found the writing to be better in general, and the relationship between the two women was just... so great. the writing definitely isn’t pulitzer prize-winning or anything, but there are so few good butch/femme books out there, i ate this up, and will def. be reading more from this author.

interpreter of maladies - jhumpa lahiri ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ speaking of pulitzer prize-winning authors... i’ve had this author and this book specifically at the back of my mind since secondary school; one of my literature teachers really loved it and would bring it up all the time. i really enjoyed it! it’s a collection of stories about the indian diaspora in america, as well as life on the subcontinent. i really like her writing (very simple, very precise, but very evocative) and there were a few really striking stories.

and that’s it for april. look at me, actually writing this entry on time, lol. for may i’m just gonna... keep reading whatever catches my eye on scribd i guess. i remember vaguely saying that by this time of the year i would have moved on to reading the books on my physical bookshelf that i haven’t gotten to yet but... i go where the wind takes me etc. currently reading silver moon, about women who turn into werewolves once they hit menopause? absolutely metal.

[forsythiaas]

TROS reaction + rant

Spoilers for the Rise of Skywalker 

Okay first the short section: Things I liked about the movie

1. Oscar Isaac’s butt looking great. 

2. Jannah is amazing, wish she had been introduced earlier.  

3. Cinematography on the old death star scene battle was stunning and felt like something we hadn’t seen before. 

4. John Boyega is great in this, even though he doesn’t get a ton of character development. Love the fact that he’s force-sensitive. (I know he didn’t love his character’s plot line in TLJ, but for me, that movie gave him way more interiority and let him be the one that someone falls in love with. In this one, he does a lot more running around, just shouting “REY.” )

Things I didn’t like because they didn’t work but not because they’re innately wrong 

1. Rey being a Palpatine. I would have preferred that they stuck with she is a nobody, but I don’t absolutely hate the idea of her being a Palpatine. In some ways, it’s sort of a cool idea that a Palpatine is the one who gets to continue the true Skywalker legacy. Her and Ben together prove that choosing the light or the dark isn’t a predestination sort of thing determined by your ancestry. 

But I don’t think they handled it all that well in this movie. There is no real explanation for it, the way Rey learns about it is odd, they don’t devote enough time for us to really understand how she feels about it, it retcons a lot of other stuff, etc. JJ should have stuck with the decision Rian made. 

2. Leia’s ending. I know Carrie Fisher’s death meant that we were never going to get the send-off she really deserved. Yet her death scene in this felt oddly bland (I was much more emotional at her flying across the stars in TLJ). I like the idea that she sacrificed herself to bring Ben back to the light, but I don’t understand how that even worked. Some people are saying that she gave her life force to him, some people are saying that she used it to project the memory of Han. Either way, it didn’t make sense to me. 

And the scenes that she were in were stilted enough that I think perhaps the movie should have just opened with her funeral like some people said. The only moment when I really got emotional about her death was when Chewie broke down. 

3. Ben/Rey Romance - Okay, the kiss I actually did sort of hate. But honestly, we saw Rey being a full-on corpse like two seconds before. Would you really want to kiss someone, then? And while the actors have good chemistry and the characters have always had...sexual tension, let’s call it...it never felt explicitly romantic. Especially because Ben is a WAR CRIMINAL. I get that they sort of try to separate Kylo Ren and Ben in this movie, but to me, they’re still the same person. Also, at the beginning it seemed like they were trying to say that Palaptine manipulated him from the beginning, but again, that explanation is not fleshed out enough. 

I was all for a Ben Solo redemption arc in this movie, but I think it being paired with a romantic connection between the two actually weakens the whole thing. I like the idea that they’re equal within the force, but it definitely felt out of character for Rey to kiss him. 

Things I HATED 

1. The sidelining of Rose Tico. This I could go on about for ages. In TLJ, we meet Rose, and she is just as devoted to the Resistance cause as Poe, smart, romantic, tough. I love that she is an engineer, not technically “special” in anyway, but she brings a real-life knowledge about how war really works behind-the-scenes. The fact that she’s grieving her sister in that film also adds so much emotional weight to the movie. For once, we see the impact that war has on an ordinary family. 

I wanted Rose joining the gang. I wanted Rey and Rose interacting, becoming friends. I wanted Rose’s engineering knowledge to come in and save the day at a crucial point. Even if she occupied more of a Lando in RotJ-like role (separate but definitely important) to keep the “trio” integrity intact (an obsession that JJ seems to have which I don’t quite understand because he didn’t even bother to introduce Poe and Rey in the first movie), I’d be okay, but for her to have like five lines? Shameful. 

The fact that this movie also never acknowledges Rose’s confession about loving Finn really angers me. Finn and Poe’s (very straight) romantic feelings are played for laughs in this, yes, but for Rose’s to just be completely ignored? Even if you thought her feelings for Finn came out of left field in TLJ, you have to admit it was a completely brave move to confess, an act that Finn himself can’t pull off in this one. Fine, don’t have them be together. Have her be bitter about it, have things be awkward between them, show that she still loves him, at least give us some acknowledgement that that confession actually mattered. 

2. General writing sloppiness - Macguffins galore. The jumping around constantly. Characters making sacrifices that don’t matter at all. Some truly terrible dialogue. This felt like 5 movies stuffed into one. 

Also not entirely related, but Poe is legitimately cruel to C3PO at certain points in this movie, and it’s totally played for laughs. Droid rights! 

3. The fact that the queer representation was like two seconds long. Hey, did you guys know Poe is like super straight? And Finn is like super straight? And they constantly are trying to get the attention of the girl they like. Oh yeah, Commander D’Arcy is gay, but you’re not interested in meeting her partner or learning her name or anything like that. Let’s have Poe hit on Zorri one more time. 

If we couldn’t have Finn and Poe get together, I was at least hoping there would be one successful romance in the movie. I think it would have been meaningful for the first black lead in a Star Wars movie to have found love (preferably with Rose, but I would have actually been okay if they hinted at a successful Finn/Rey romance in the end). 

Also, the hug between the three of them (Poe, Rey, and Finn) at the end didn’t really work for me. Compare that one to Luke’s hugs with Leia and Han in RotJ, and it falls completely flat. I like the idea that Rey has a found family, but to be honest, it doesn’t even seem like her and Poe like each other that much in this movie. 

4. NO ANAKIN - Anakin really should have been the thread that tied all three trilogies together. Up until this trilogy, he was the main character of the whole saga. He was the literal chosen one. To bring Palpatine back but not use Anakin at all or even really talk about his legacy makes his sacrifice seem completely meaningless. I’m not at all convinced that Palpatine won’t just return in another 15 years or that a new Empire/First Order won’t just appear in another year or so. There isn’t even any mention of restoring balance to the force, the whole thing that Anakin was destined to do. We’re back to Sith bad, Jedi good. 

[niennavalier]

Okay, belated Star Wars thoughts under the cut; no particular order, just as I think of them. Possibly some unpopular opinions, I dont really know, I'm not all that active in the SW fandom. So maybe I'll get roasted alive but...eh, whatever, this site is somewhere between an void and hell anyway.

Also SPOILERS BELOW (OBVIOUSLY)

[[MORE]]

Okay, so first things first: I enjoyed episode 9. A lot. It was really fun to watch, and just talking in terms of my experience in the theater, it was fantastic. It was so much fun to see the old crew back, all of those appearances were basically like happiness shots in the arm. It was really very cool. The Palpatine reveal and everything around it was pretty damn epic for the obvious reasons. And I absolutely loved seeing the trio bantering and arguing and passing each other - I always love stuff like that. I swear, just give me hours of good character interaction and I'll be happy. Kylo and Rey fighting together/him using the blue lightsaber was also some cool shit and basically like "yaasss heres the payoff for the entire trilogy let's fucking gooo"

Oh, and I need to mention that little droid that Rey fixes. That little guy was adorable and I want merch for him and I will not hear otherwise. (The droids are always great in all the movies fight me)

Also Zorii and Jannah. Badasses, loved watching them and the way they got to interact with the main cast. Just...wanna spill all the love for them in this sentence.

But there are a lot of other things I have to say about the movie - especially the more I think about it and the trilogy as a whole. Dont get me wrong; I still really loved watching the movie. There are just...certain things that feel like missteps or missed opportunities?

(Not counting how badly Oscar Isaac wanted Finn and Poe to be boyfriends, which I just discovered is a thing. And reminds me a lot of anytime anyone mentions Julian Bashir to Andy Robinson and his response is always "oh Garak wanted to have sex with him from the start". Which I literally love so much, this man is a treasure, and I'm glad that apparently the same thing is happening here. And it's not that I'm not gonna talk about it here cause I dont think Poe and Finn should've been boyfriends, but I'm pretty sure Oscar Isaac has much more to say about it than I do)

Gonna start where I always start when I have problems with writing: romance. Because IMO badly written/unnecessary romance can ruin any good story real quick. I'm talking about the kiss at the end. I'm not saying this to bash on the Rey and Kylo shippers. Generally, I dont care what you ship so long as you dont start harassing everyone else; I care even less when it comes to this fandom cause I just participate in it so little. So this isnt me bashing on the ship itself or the fans, but I just think that, in the context of the movie itself, the romance was really poorly handled. To the point that I saw the scene going that way and all I could think was "oh god please dont kiss, I'm begging you". And well...we all know where that went. But I just never got a romantic vibe from the two of them in terms of what was shown on screen. The chemistry always felt familial, at least to me, across episodes 8 and 9 in particular. I dont know if that's just the chemistry between the actors or what, but the tension between them never struck me as romantic - more like two people desperate for someone who understands the chaos around them, not lovers.

Again, granted, maybe that's just the way I read stuff, especially considering I really appreciate movies that don't feature romance arcs. I'm not sure how it read to other people, and I'm not gonna bash on the shippers who like it. I may feel like JJ Abrams didnt write a convincing romance - or just stuck the kiss in there at the end to fulfill some plan from episode 7 that didnt actually pan out - but I have no problem with the ship itself, or the people who ship it. (Because at the end of the day, this is all fiction, and I couldnt care less how anyone chooses to interact with it)

(And this isnt an entirely rated point but because I've seen it around:

In all honesty, I'm starting to think that the romance thing was just a symptom of a bigger problem with this trilogy: it doesnt feel cohesive. It's like JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson had two separate sets of notes and just refused to actually look between them. Two separate sets of ideas that they were too stubborn to compromise on.

And I have a feeling (at least, talking to my little brother, who definitely feels this way) that a lot of people are pinning this fragmented feel to the trilogy on Rian Johnson and The Last Jedi, but I honestly don't think that's fair. Because, and here's the unpopular opinion: I really don't think Last Jedi is that bad. At least, not bad enough to deserve all the flak it gets.

Won't get into that entirely here because that could be a whole separate post, but that's my opinion. Sure, it's not perfect, there are definitely a lot of parts that are pretty irrelevant and not really necessary, but that's true of everything. Frankly, its biggest problem was that it was written for the wrong audience. Which is a major problem, yes, but taken for what it is, it's perfectly decent. As I said before, I could write a whole thing on this movie and why it's not that bad (because I have my brother's points as to why it's terrible for me to argue against) but overall, my reading of 8 is that it's a movie meant to introduce wider ideas and concepts to the universe - particularly this very gray and murky area of morality and character - through stories that are closer to the characters and tied to harsher realities of war. Things aren't always black and white, people are complex, sometimes our heroes can be gravely wrong in ways that aren't glamorous.

Frankly, it feels somewhere between a super deep indie movie and Star Trek (particularly DS9, at least to me, because I love when that show gets to twisty moral stuff). So yeah, wrong audience, yet he decided to stick with his storytelling despite that. No matter I personally might fall into the audience that movie resonates with, it wasnt gonna resonate with most of the fandon.

Again, Last Jedi is far from perfect in other ways too, but it sets up some great ideas that I was really hoping to get some closure on. Honorable mention here is when Rose saves Finn when he's speeding out to sacrifice himself and because of the desire to save the people they love, which I always end up likening to the "we dont trade lives" sentiment. Mentioning this cause my brother always complains about it, but I was thinking this would be one of those virtues that separate the good guys from the bad guys and ultimately allow good to triumph. Yknow, sorta like how Voldemort's lack of understanding of love contributed to his downfall, to liken it to HP. I was under the assumption that would be the concept at some turning point in the climax, but...guess not.

Big one though, which was actually a pretty big disappointment IMO, was the whole neutrality argument, the existence of a grey area. The most interesting thing from Rey and Kylo's scenes in 8 was the notion that the Jedi and Sith could be left to die, and the two of them would essentially find a way separate from those two sides, walking a path down the middle. I know I'm not the first person to bring this up, especially because of how the Force just...works. That the scales need to be balanced. And so, given that, to have the Jedi always destroy the Sith - that's not balance. Give it a few more years and the same problem is gonna happen; if there are Jedi, there will be Sith and war is gonna break out. That's hardly resolution, so neutrality is the way to go. And, personal opinion - I loved that this ended up in 8. It's just a lot more nuanced than "good vs evil, good is victorious" and brought in new ideas to this universe that I really wanted to see explored.

But that just...never happened. Sure, Rey has that yellow lightsaber at the end, but it's really very little more than the barest hint of lip service to that entire concept. Because it's never built on throughout the movie. Kylo's insistence that they look for a different way turns into a demand that she basically become his Sith queen. Which isnt playing with the gray area - it's more firmly dividing light and dark. And as she's fighting Palpatine, he's all the Sith, while she's all the Jedi; doubt that needs further explanation. Sure yeah, she's dealing with the revelation of her bloodline throughout the movie, but that interaction with the dark side is very different than in 8; she's afraid of it (a character arc I love, dont get me wrong), not lured by it. The Sith are very clearly evil, and despite her family, she comes to embody the Jedi as a whole. The opposite of what was laid out in 8.

Which actually just makes her choice to take the yellow lightsaber make even less sense? Because...she has no reason at all to turn away from the Jedi and every reason to keep using the Light side. The only possible reason by that point is if she knows about the balance and makes that choice intentionally to prevent the rise of a Sith lord. But that choice is never shown, so I dont give that a pass. It just feels like the lamest nod to something from 8 - no buildup, no explanation, just there because it technically should be.

And that fucking sucks. What a waste. Puts so much space between these movies.

The romance might be another aspect of that - 8 didnt really give me a strong romantic vibe, and then 9 tried to benefit off of buildup of romantic tension that just wasnt there. And that romance isnt the only other one. Just the existence of Palpatine at all? Like, awesome plot yes, but not at all foreshadowed. The banter between the trio at the start? One of my favorite parts to watch, but it comes out of nowhere, and I guess we just have to live with the idea that all of the development happened off screen. Lame. The return of the fucking helmet? Fuck, i actually have more i can say about the way i interpreted the helmet, but this is getting long. So point being: it's like we just got zipped right back to episode 7 all of a sudden and didnt even get a symbolic moment of him losing the helmet in 9 (at least, not that I remember).

Really, on the whole, JJ Abrams basically did the beginning of 9 such that most of 8 could be made irrelevant. Because that's how I felt throughout the whole movie; like 8 didnt matter. And I know a lot of fans are honestly happy with that (so maybe if was actually the right choice on that front) but god does it make the whole trilogy clunky. Literally nothing flows.

And I think that's my main problem with the trilogy as a whole - or, rather, with the production behind it. It's like JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson were just so goddamned married to their ideas that they wouldnt budge from the story they wanted to tell. Like they put their individual creative visions above the quality of the story as a whole. Like they weren't willing to deal with any changes that they didn't put into play themselves. And the trilogy suffered for it.

Which is really so obnoxious to me. Because it is very possible to be flexible and improv and incorporate other ideas into what you already had; just look at D&D. That's the job of a DM. You can plan everything out perfectly, figure out the story you want to tell, decide how you want everyone to interact with your world, but the players will invariably fuck those plans over. And you just have to roll with the punches. But beyond that, those changes can be for the better, because those are ideas you never thought of, and incorporating those makes for an even richer story than anyone expected. All because the people involved are willing to see where the story naturally takes itself.

Just wish these directors could understand that.

(Also...what was Finn gonna tell Rey? I mean...? This is honestly the strangest thing about the movie because it literally felt like the writers just...forgot they ever had this plot point after halfway. Which just feels like sloppy writing, and I feel Poe when he seems to be really curious what Finn wants to tell Rey. Because...me too!)

[ecofinisher]

Day 24: Gentle (NathanielxVolpina)

Day 24: Gentle

Ship: Nathaniel Kurtzberg and Miss Vixen (Volpina)

@mlrarepairmonth

A gray stone-made creature was climbing up the Eiffel Tower with one hand, while he had his other hand stretched out with a redheaded teenage boy with a black kippah covering the back part of his hair.

“Ivan please let me go or I’m late for my bar mitzvah. This is very important to me and my grandparents.” The boy pleaded causing the monster to growl.

“I’m Stoneheart!” Shouted the monster scaring Nathaniel. “Your biggest nightmare”

“I don’t know why you’re angry. I thought we both were friends”

“You know why I’m angry, don’t lie to me!”

“I really don’t know it, Ivan! Trust me I’m not lying!”

“Liar!” Yelled Stoneheart shrieking Nathaniel.

“Is it because I found Kagami sung better than Rose?” Asked Nathaniel. “I thought we all had agreed Kagami would do the calmer verses?”

“No!”

“Why are you then angry at me?” Asked Nathaniel, then saw a yo-yo grabbing the fist, where Nathaniel was stuck and both looked at the side to see a heroine in a red tight suit with black dots over her belly zone and her arms, her taille was colored the same dark tint as the circles.

“Lady Red help me!” Yelled Nathaniel, then Stoneheart tried to shake the heroine off by shaking his tied up fist. “Stop it, I’m getting sick”

“Hold on Nathaniel…..We get you out of this”

“Who is we?” Asked Stoneheart looking at the heroine with the short haircut. “Oh your pussycat,” Stoneheart said looking down at the Eiffel Tower seeing Chat Noir jump up with his stab up at his head.

“Good Afternoon The Rock” Greeted Chat Noir with a chuckle, then knocked with the baton on the monster’s head.

“Chat help me!” Cried Nathaniel seeing the hero swing his baton with his hand.

“Hey, my friend, why do you want to hurt him?” Asked the blonde hero. “Aren’t you two like best friends or something?”

“I think it’s my fault, but I don’t know what I did to cause him to get akumatized,” Nathaniel said, then he widened his eyes as he had a quick flashback of him sitting on the stairs reading on his tablet, then Ivan talked to him and got shooed away by a moody redhead.

“I hope your sudden absence is you remembering what happened,” Chat said jumping closer to the hand, that held Nathaniel.

“I remember now,” Nathaniel said followed by Chat Noir lose his balance and fall down with the stick.

“Chat!” Shouted Lady Red and the Cat themed hero extended his stab, which then got stuck between Stoneheart’s foot and the iron of the Eiffel Tower.

“Get off, get off!” Demanded Stoneheart moving his feet, then Chat disappeared into the bars of the Eiffel Tower and watched up the beast looking up at Lady Red.

“Stoneheart listen to me. Drop your friend Nathaniel down, whatever he did to you. He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, is it right Nathaniel?”

“Yes!” Yelled the scared boy. “I was strained the past two months, because of my bar mitzwa. I’m sorry I yelled at you before at the school”

“Is this difficult for you?” Asked Stoneheart the Jewish boy, that could barely shrug inside the hand of the villain.

“With the band and the school it’s a little too much,” Nathaniel said quietly, due to the strength of the akuma’s hand.

“Stoneheart careful, Nathaniel is barely breathing” The Japanese descendant heroine mentioned shrieking the akuma, which opened the hand to let the boy fall down, then shrieked as Nathaniel slipped out of his hand.

“No!” Shouted Stoneheart holding his hand out trying to catch the boy, but he couldn’t reach his arm far down.

“Heeeeeeelp!” Cried Nathaniel as he was falling to his dead, but before he passed by the big arc of the Eiffel Tower its legs an orange dressed heroine flew under the tower catching the boy and moving up in the air, making the terrified Nathaniel open his eyes and look up at the superheroine, that was carrying him on her arms.

“Miss Vixen!” Nathaniel said turning red as he recognized the woman in the fox-themed super suit.

“Are you alright?” Asked Miss Vixen flying up at the first level of the Eiffel Tower landing on the platform with the boy in her arms. Miss Vixen held the boy nearly in bridal style, while he was clammed with his arms behind her back shivering a bit due to having stood nearer to death than he ever did in his life before. “Everything is fine now Nathaniel” Miss Vixen assured smiling softly at the short boy, that got redder on his face, than his hair pigments.

“T….t….thank you M...Miss Vixen” The boy thanked earning a smile from the heroine, who as well tarnished a little red on her cheeks.

“You’re welcome, pretty boy” Miss Vixen responded with a giggle at the sight of the boy, then they rolled their eyes away from each other in embarrassment and Chat Noir passed by with his staff, then jumped with the help of it at the side of the iron bars of the tower, then changed looks with the brunette heroine.

“Hey foxy, are you coming too?” Asked the black leather dressed blonde earning a nod from the girl.

“I’m coming, don’t worry” Answered the heroine, then looked at Nathaniel down, who got neutral at the heroine having to leave for her job.

“Are you going to the others?” Asked Nathaniel earning a nod from the heroine.

“I have to”

“Okay,” Nathaniel said and Miss Vixen dropped him down on his feet carefully.

“You’re going to be okay?” Asked Miss Vixen passing her thumb through Nathaniel’s bang to see clearer his seafoam green eyes.

“I’m probably just going to be late for my bar mitzvah” Replied Nathaniel. “I also need to get my grandfather’s tallit for me to use it later. He said he would love me to use it”

“Aww you’re a sweetie” Miss Vixen complimented making Nathaniel feel sheepish.

“Yeah….” Nathaniel replied scratching the back of his neck.

“Miraculous Ladybug!” Shouted Lady Red up on the Eiffel Tower, then the healing light passed around the Eiffel Tower and the city to restore everything Stoneheart had damaged including some dents on the iron from the monument.

Lady Red carried herself and Ivan with the yo-yo landing on the same level as Miss Vixen and Nathaniel were, then walked with the tall boy at the redhead.

“You two need to talk with each other” Lady Red said to the two boys, that got embarrassed at the presence of the two heroines.

“I….uhm….I’m sorry, that I yelled at you before when I was practicing my Hebraic for the bar mitzvah. I should not have talked in that tone with you”

“And I’m sorry I overreacted” Apologized Ivan too. “I should have understood, that you have to practice it when you’re going to read it in front of everyone”

Both guys gave each other their hands accepting each other apologies, then Lady Red and Miss Vixen gave each other a high five.

“Girl Power!” Both girls shouted, then Chat Noir appeared walking at them holding his right fist to Miss Vixen earning a fist bump, then he gave another one to Lady Red.

“I would like to stay a bit longer, but I got fencing lessons….you know….so that I can fight better with my staff,” Chat said scratching the back of his head.

“I gotta go too,” Lady Red said looking at the two boys. “I hope your bar mitzvah goes well Nathaniel”

“Thank you” The redheaded boy said observing Lady Red walking away together with Chat Noir, then before Lady Red left with her yo-yo she sent her partner an air kiss and disappeared leaving the blonde gazed at her moving over the buildings, after she was gone he was next leaving the place leaving Miss Vixen back with the two boys.

“You have to go now Nathaniel or you’re late for your bar mitzvah” Ivan mentioned earning a nod from the turquoise eyed boy.

“Yes and first of all I need to get to my grandfather’s house to get the tallit,” Nathaniel said making Miss Vixen smile and extend her hand out to the Jew.

“I still got time, if you want I can bring you to your grandpa and to the synagogue” Suggested the vixen heroine surprising Nathaniel.

“Really?” Asked the boy gazing at the forest green eyes of the heroine. The heroine rolled her eyes down getting flustered by the look she got from the guy. “If you really don’t mind to”

Miss Vixen nodded after Nathaniel had agreed to her company, then she grabbed him, lying him down in her arms, smiling at the boy, which mirrored her back then she took a sprint on the tower’s platform and jumped up in the air flying with the boy in her arms towards the French Metropolis to met Grandfather Kurtzberg.

[samwrights]

Homesick // Finale

Summary: Tony and Pepper’s daughter Madelyn just graduated from Midtown School of Science and Technology. Without her parents knowledge, she managed to land an internship with her dad’s business to keep her busy over the summer and to prepare her for what she wants to do with her future. But she isn’t the only one with a Stark Enterprises internship—and now she’s stuck working with some overly excited ongoing sophomore named Peter Parker.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Pairing: Stark!Daughter x Peter (OC) Words: 3,900 Loop: Forever//Over // EDEN Left Hand Free // Alt-J

Endless nights, we were infinite. Summer’s end would mean the death of us. VIII.

As promised, Elly and Peter never talked about the impending end of their relationship. Instead, they did their best to fulfill a makeshift bucket list to count down the days until Elly’s birthday. Each day, internship or not, was filled with a brand new adventure. They were such simple things like a movie marathon for an entire twenty four hours or going to the beach or a concert together. Elly’s birthday was the following day, her first week of college was on Monday, and every second that they spent together was not enough. Both of them were afraid of the conversation that needed to happen, but Peter refused to let it ruin the dinner plans he made for her tonight. Even so, he couldn’t stop fidgeting with the watch on his left wrist as he waited for Elly, Tony, and much to his surprise, Pepper at the table. According to Elly, she had finally gathered the courage to call her mother and convince her to come back to the Tower in small doses.

Pepper and Tony finally had talked things out, agreeing that being together was what their little family needed, and that had helped Elly substantially. Even with such great things happening with her family and her happiness, Peter felt it almost wasn’t his place to be included as a contribution. Because even as wonderful as the last three months had been, they both knew it would all end with the summer. May noticed how much he was fussing around with whatever he could get his hands on, causing concern in her to arise. “Peter, everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” He mumbled, not making eye contact with her.

“You don’t fool me, you know.” Peter groaned internally, knowing his aunt wouldn’t let up. Either that, or his anxiety was gnawing at him so much that he wanted to believe his aunt was going to pressure him into talking about it.

“I-I’m not ready for today to be over. Because after this, her internship is over and Elly and I are going to be over a-and that scares me. I have spent seventy two days with Elly from sunrise to sunset and I don’t know what I’m going to do after today. She’s become such a normal part of my day to day life that I-I don’t know if I can go back to being normal after this.” Before he had realized it, he was crying. He wanted to say so much more, but words were failing at conveying how he really felt. May looked at her nephew, sympathetic of his breaking heart.

“Peter, it doesn’t matter how many days it has been. It’s, um...” May paused, treading cautiously with her next words. “It’s dangerous, to create homes out of people—to feel like you are only your best self when you are with that person. I know that better than anyone. Because when they’re gone, it will always feel like you’re homesick.” A single tear slid down May’s cheek as well, her late husband’s face flashing through her memories. On the one hand, she was glad she was able to share her expertise on the subject. On the other, she had almost wished Peter never had to feel as homesick as she did. “But I will tell you one thing. In my experience, it’s impossible to not create homes out of the people you love.” The ‘L word’ hit Peter hard, his eyes wide open as he gawked at May. But he didn’t rebuttal because he knew she was right.

Seventy two days, not including the week he had spent in Germany apart of from her, was all it took for Peter to fall in love with Elly. Seventy two days of her smile, her laugh, her smarts, her wit, her composure, her presence, and her vulnerability. He was homesick already.

The Stark family finally arrived, each of them dressed to the nines. Elly was glowing and all smiles as she greeted May and gave Peter a brief peck on the lips that ended all too quickly. All five of them were gathered at the round table, with Peter on Elly’s left hand side and her dad to her right. Joyous giggles filled their group as she talked about how excited she was to start her classes at Empire State University. Her enthusiasm simultaneously filled Peter with both dread and pride. Throughout the night, May was playing double agent. She was trying to show support to Elly in her journey into college, but also kept a close eye on Peter to make sure his heart didn’t shatter.

As dessert arrived, Peter felt his internal clock ticking down the minutes and he hated every second of it. Still, his facade never slipped as he celebrated his soon to be ex-girlfriend’s blowing of her birthday candles. The evening was coming to a close, and to prolong it by just mere minutes, Peter excused himself to the washroom to gather his thoughts before everyone went their separate ways. Nobody thought anything of it, and nobody thought anything of it when Tony excused himself as well short after. Upon entering the men’s room, he saw Peter splashing water on his face, taking note of his swollen eyes. “You got a second, kid?”

“Uh, yeah.” Peter tried to sound put together in front of his boss, making his voice just a bit deeper. But, judging by the unsettled look on Tony’s face, he wasn’t succeeding.

“I just want to say you have made my daughter so incredibly happy this past summer. But you know what’s coming, and I need to get something off my chest.” Subconsciously, he tapped on his arc reactor. “Don’t ever stop choosing Elly.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me. I had to break my own kid’s heart after we got back from Germany and tell her her own uncle chose an old friend over family—over her. I know you guys have to do this because of age of consent and all, but don’t ever stop choosing her.”

“M-Mr. Stark? I-I don’t...I don’t understand.” Tony sighed, unsure of how to phrase his words to properly convey the message he wanted to give.

“Things are going to be mess, kid. And it’s going to be really hard for a while. But if you love my daughter like she loves you, choose to make decisions with her well-being in mind, even after tonight.” With that, Tony exited the restroom, leaving Peter awestruck. He would be lying if he said he completely understood his boss’ words. But he didn’t question it and, instead, focused on keeping those words close to his soul. Don’t ever stop choosing her.

Peter had felt his heart grow heavier as he returned to the table. Pepper and Tony were giving Elly elegantly wrapped gift boxes, which she gladly opened. May put a hand on Peter’s shoulder as they watched—instantly noticing his ashen face. “She will love it.” May whispered in encouragement. In response, he grabbed her hand with one his and squeezed it. If it weren’t for aunt May today, or any other day really, he wasn’t sure would be able to handle this situation. Pepper and Tony had given Elly a short diamond necklace paired with a black velvet choker with matching diamond studs. Though small and simple, the gesture made Peter’s gift feel insignificant. But he did what he could to not let that thought bother him. His gift had sentimental value and he knew Elly well enough to know she would appreciate it.

Dinner had officially come to a close and each person had went their separate ways, save for Peter and Elly. “Hey, can we take a drive to the pier?” He asked after their families were nowhere in sight. Elly raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

“Usually, I’m the one asking you that, but sure thing.” It was quiet as they got into her car and while Elly knew something was wrong, she couldn’t bring herself to ask him what. As they started driving, the radio playing different songs that rang somber and neither of them could tell if A.A.R.O.N had been doing so intentionally. Elly’s hand strayed from the steering wheel to hold his as an offering of comfort. Still, they say in silence until they arrived at the pier where they had their first kiss. “Okay, what’s wrong, Peter?” She finally asked. He let go of her hand and turned to face his girlfriend while shuffling around in his pocket. He pulled out a tiny navy blue velvet box.

“I-I didn’t get you anything super amazing for your birthday, but I think it’s time we finally have our talk.” Nerves that Elly had long forgotten filled her gut. With both hands, he peeled open the velvet box, revealing a thin rose gold ring with a small pearl set in the center. It looked incredibly delicate—something to reflect the current state of their relationship.

“O-okay.” She hesitated.

“Elly, we have spent exactly seventy nine days in a relationship a-and they have been the most incredible seventy nine days. But knowing the world knows who your dad is, I-I don’t want any trouble to ever come to you in the event that the public discovered I’m not the legal age of consent yet.” Elly nodded very slowly, taking in his words. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she feared for the same. She was afraid of people finding out who she was and finding any spec of dirt to some form of revenge against her dad. She couldn’t do that to him. “But I wanted to give you this.” He says finally, holding her left hand with his right, the ring in his other.

“I-it’s beautiful, Peter.” Elly says in a hushed mumble as he slides the small ring on.

“I wanted to make a promise to you. I promise I will always protect you and be here for you. And the second I turn seventeen, I will come running back.”

“R-really?” After placing the promise ring onto her finger, Peter cupped her cheek gingerly before pulling her into a deep kiss. It was delicate and fragile and full of the goodbyes that he didn’t want to say.

“I don’t want this to be the end, Elly. I really don’t.”

“I don’t either.” Peter rested his forehead onto hers with his eyes scrunched his eyes close. Slowly, they opened to stare longingly into her blue eyes. He didn’t want to do this; he wasn’t ready. How was Peter supposed to come home everyday, knowing that he didn’t spend the entirety of his day surrounded by her warmth and support of him getting stronger? Elly was mirroring every emotion that was running through his head as tears spilled along her cheeks. While moving onto college was well and exciting, what was she supposed to come home to without him there? With trembling lips, she pulled him in for what she hoped wasn’t their last kiss. Tiny gasps of air broke their lip lock as she sobbed, but neither of them dared to move away. They needed every millisecond of this last moment.

Elly threaded shaky fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, desperate to hang onto him. Their tongues laced with each other, pouring their passion into one another. Neither of them wanted to pull away, but before they said their goodbyes, she needed to tell him. “Peter, I-I love you.” She sniffled, wiping away her tears before holding his hands. The glint of the pearl on her ring finger caught the light of the pier.

“I love you, Madelyn Joyce Stark.” He took a leap of faith, saying those three little words he never dared to say before. But he needed to say it—he needed her to know. “In ten months, when we can finally be together again, I will come running home to you. I promise.”

Two months had passed since Elly’s eighteenth birthday and her and Peter had hardly spoken. College was okay, but she felt herself overwhelmed with seventeen semester hours, trying to social while commuting to school daily, and had the fortunately unfortunate task of creating a new suit for Peter per the request of her dad. She had made one friend so far in university—a spunky boy whom was also a freshman by the name of Scott Price. His relaxed attitude that accompanied both of their high stress responses to their work load had made the two of them get along exceptionally well. He was the only comfort she had since Peter had kept their contact to minimum. Pete always said he was working on a project with Ned or out on his internship, which she knew was true since she had seen local papers of the mysterious Spider-Man. Elly had also found out from her dad about Peter’s entire encounter with Vulture. That conversation ended up leading to the heartbreaking information of finding out that Peter was briefly dating now senior and Vulture’s daughter, Liz Toomes, before she ended up moving to the other end of the country. Elly remembered Liz. She was beautiful and smart and popular and it was no wonder Peter fell for her. That never stopped betrayal from poisoning Elly’s heart.

At the moment, Elly and Scott were sitting at a coffee shop on campus working on their chemistry assignment. They were griping over getting different answers despite using the same formula, or rather Elly was essentially tutoring him. After they both arrived to the correct answer, Elly’s phone rang her usual tone of Alt-J’s ‘Left Hand Free’. Her mom’s name flashed on the screen. “Hey mom, what’s up?”

“Hey, honey. What time are you going to be home tonight? Your dad and I are calling a press conference.”

“Oh, I can be home as soon as you need me to. What’s the press conference for?”

“Your dad is introducing Peter as the world’s newest avenger.” Elly went quiet as her heart throbbed in envy.

“Understood, mom.” She responded quietly before cutting off the call as to prevent her emotions from getting loose. Her best friend took an immediate notice.

“Everything okay?” The tall brunette asked.

“Y-yeah, I just have to get home for some important meeting.” She lied. This time around, the administration knew of who Madelyn was, but the student body was still completely oblivious and Scott was no exception to that. “I’ll see you tomorrow in chem?”

“For sure, get home safe!” Scott was all smiles, and it put Elly at temporary ease. She got into her car and headed straight home to the brand new, relocated Avenger’s Tower in upstate New York, trying to focus on controlling her fidgeting instead of focusing on her nerves. It was the first time she would be seeing Peter since their break up and their lack of communication made her anxious. As soon as she got home, Elly went straight to her room to get ready for the press conference. Granted, she always sat in the front row and never went on stage. On rare occasions, she would do damage control and fake being a reporter but she was hoping she could stay far away from that tonight.

After doing her make up and pulling half of her wavy brown hair up, Elly dressed in a black halter skater dress with an open back and white pumps. She needed to slay the press conference today, if only for herself. She took the elevator up towards the floor the third to the top—a floor that was mostly used for meetings. “Oh, there you are, honey!” Pepper called out, clipboard in hand, as she went to hug her daughter.

“Hey, mom. Where’s dad?”

“He is—“

“Right here!” Tony called out, walking up to the ladies of his life with arms wide open. He gave his daughter a peck on her temple before giving Pepper a kiss to her lips. It made Elly happy to see her parents getting along again, but it was only enough to temporarily distract her. “Stark family, ready to rock?” Pepper gave a laugh before heading back to the conference room, Elly in tow. More footsteps came thudding through the hall and Elly knew it had to be Peter. “Oh, there they are!” She heard her dad say, causing her to walk with more ferocity. But he saw her. Only a glimpse, but he saw her. He wanted to chase after her, but Tony stopped him by repeatedly patting his shoulder before wrapping an arm around him. He apologized for taking away the original Spider-Man suit or something or other, but Peter would be lying if he said he was listening.

“Mr. Stark, I really—“

“You screwed the pooch, hard, on this one, but then you did the right thing.” For some reason, Peter felt that Tony wasn’t just talking about taking away the suit anymore. After a couple more poor analogies, he turned Peter slightly to face him more as they continued to walk towards the conference room. “I was wrong about you. I think with a little mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.” With a couple more pats to his shoulder, Tony’s way of showing his daughter’s ex affection, he let the teenager go before opening the door to the conference room. As much as Tony refused to admit it, he had grown fond of the spider-ling over time.

“T-to the team?”

“Yeah, there’s about fifty reporters behind that door; real ones, not bloggers.” Tony said, clicking a few buttons on his watch, opening up a fake wall. “When you’re ready, why don’t you try that on? And I can officially introduce the world to the newest Avenger: Spider-Man” Peter’s eyes nearly fell out of his as he laid his eyes on a brand new Spider-Man suit. He began laughing nervously, mostly due to shock. It was stunning, he couldn’t stop staring—and he knew. He knew Elly had made it. He wasn’t sure how, but the intricate detailing, the shade of navy in the fabric had Madelyn Joyce Stark written all over it.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. But I’m-I’m good.”

“You’re...good? What do you mean, ‘you’re good’?”

“I-I-I mean would rather just stay on the ground, for a little while. You know, friendly, neighborhood, Spider-Man. Somebody’s got to look out for the little guy.”

“You turning me down?” Tony asked in disbelief, taking off his signature sunglasses. “Think about this. Look at that, look at the hard work Elly put into that suit, for you, kid. Last chance, yes or no?”

“No.” Peter replied all too quickly. At that moment, Tony couldn’t decide if he was proud of the kid or wanted to punch him in the face. His daughter had slaved over her newest creation, and he was denying her. He decided to go with the former and sucked in a breath.

“O-kay, then. Happy will, uh, take you home.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. I’ll see you around.” Peter walked backwards to give him and Happy a brief moment, but his eyes never left the suit his ex-girlfriend made. His heart swelled with pride and guilt, but mostly guilt. Knowing her, she put her all into doing it despite him knowing she was hurt. He turned away finally, hearing the door shut. The door was shut.

Pepper popped out of the conference room, staring at Tony who’s face clearly showed a mixture of emotions. “Where’s the kid?” She asked, refusing to call him by name. While Tony was fond of him, Pepper wasn’t as much. Stupid kid broke her daughter’s heart. “Everybody’s waiting.”

“You know, he actually made a really mature choice again, just surprised the heck out of me.”

“Are you joking? I have a room full of people waiting for some big announcement, what are we going to tell them?” She seethed—how the hell Tony managed to screw up another press conference was beyond her.

“I got an idea. Go wait inside, I’ll be in there in a minute. And make sure Madelyn’s on stage for this one.” Pepper’s eyes widened. Their daughter was never on stage at a press conference. The look of disbelief did not go amiss. “Just go, I’ll be right there.” He reassured, pressing a quick kiss to Pepper’s forehead before she went back into the conference room grumbling to herself. “You still got that ring, Happy?”

“Are you kidding, I’ve been carrying this thing around for eight years!” His head of security responded excitedly, pulling out a black velvet box from his pocket.

“Perfect, it’s show time.” Together, Tony and Happy entered the noisy conference room, everyone instantly shouting out his name. He stood on the stage, giving a prompt wave to get everybody to quiet down. Happy stood to his right, Pepper and Elly to his left. “Thank you all, for being here today. I know everybody is expecting a big announcement and I don’t want to delay anyone any further. I’ve been delaying this announcement for eighteen years.” Confused murmurs began to buzz. Elly perked her head up, her dad’s speech taking a very unexpected turn. “I would love to introduce to the world, the daughter of Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts and myself—Madelyn Joyce Stark.” A spotlight fell onto Elly, making her stare around the room.

“H-hi.” She said quietly as her dad handed her a microphone. “I am the daughter of Pepper Potts and Tony Stark?” Elly fumbled around with words unsure of what to say and her parents knew it. Questions were firing rapidly at her, and she had no idea how to respond. Seeing her drowning at the attention, Tony took the microphone back.

“One more thing, before we take questions. I’ve been delaying something else that is long overdue.” He held the microphone in one hand as he got down on one knee, his eyes focused on Pepper. “Honey, I haven’t been a model boyfriend to you, but thanks to our wonderful, smart daughter—I want to prove to you that I will be a better husband. Hopefully I’m just as good of a husband as I am father. Virginia Potts, will you marry me?” Pepper’s mouth hung wide open as her, and her daughter’s, eyes both began to well with tears. A sniffle escaped her nose as she tried to hold back sobs of joy as she nodded over and over. Tony slid the ring he had held onto for all those years onto the finger of his bride-to-be before giving her a long kiss and hugging his family. A wave of confidence washed over Elly, the joy that was surging through her family was giving her strength to take the microphone from her dad.

“There you have it, folks. The Stark family. We will now take your questions!” Elly jeered, the room exploding with overlapping clamor. She was distracted by the all the talk as she held the microphone in her right hand and answering questions, all the while subconsciously spinning the rose gold promise ring on her finger. Nobody seemed to notice except for the lone, sixteen year old boy standing at the back of the room who had snuck his way into press conference. Peter had seen her. But more importantly, she saw him.

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@xxoerinnoxx @araeni @maddieisaacs @iwillbesmall-promise

I hope you all enjoyed this series! There will eventually be sequel, but until then, please check out my other works  >Here<  and check out the teaser I posted for my next series, titled The Game. First chapter will be posted THIS SATURDAY, July 14. I hope to see you all there!

xo Sam.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Is there such thing as character developement, but, like... character developement for THE WRITER?

Character developement for the way you write the same story?

Because “Nevermore pt. II” was a really fun thing to write, and one of my absolute favorite scenes between Dove and the Titans.

It’s over here: (WAY old though so please forgive the lack of style, inclusion of lyrics, ableism, and characterization flaws. The scene I’m talking about is under the lyrics break-- you can laugh, because yes, I was That Author once upon a time.) 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3471952/5/Mindquest-Trilogy-I-Missing-Raven

And it’s basically Nevermore, But Dove’s Mind Instead. It’s getting rewritten. (All of Missing is, actually. WAY overhauled!) And for the longest time, I was just going to refresh and revamp that scene. (Because I had a lot of fun writing it, and I need something for Beast Boy and Cyborg to bond to her in this story...)

Actually, that whole “story” has gotten a ton of developement; Dove learning to be with the team, and not just Raven, is now a MAJOR theme of the whole story. (It was only in that scene before.)

But Nevermore pt. II got slashed to bits when I had a realization about Dove as a person. When I really started to understand just how much being raised pacifist affected her-- when I came to understand how peace can play into a mental struggle.

I glimpsed Dove saying, “I fight my battle with peace.”

And after a grand debate, several months (perhaps, years) of trying to shove that peace into a battle... I realized. That’s just not how the story goes for her.

And like Stephen King makes a big deal about, I had to make the hard, terrible decision to utterly dismantle one of my all-time favorite scenes, remove its entire climax, and 

--

She suddenly felt a strange and unusual mental sensation, and stood up in confusion. Somehow she felt… oddly braver.

(Powers spur three nearby rocks right to the center and nearly shatter the steel target.)

Robin's impressed but Dove nearly panics.

What in Azar’s name-?!

She looked at herself and wondered if there was some odd effect all these emotions had on her and couldn’t help wondering if she really was going insane.

Tells him, "That wasn't me, I-- I think I should stop now." Raises her wide eyes to him. "I'm too tired, I might lose control..."

He's tempted to encourage her to keep pushing herself, but there's a panicked desperation in her eyes that leads him to nod... and her hands were shaking. Whatever she just did scared her enough that her powers were still crackling in the air. "I'd say you made enough progress for one day. Good work."

She nodded stiffly and bolted.

And Robin added one more strange disappearance to the list of [times Dove fled without a word of explanation?] And with Raven gone, he'd have to interpret it himself. [...obvious she's afraid of her own power...]

Racing through the halls as thoughts raced through her mind. Dove's confused by feeling like she could take on the whole world, and WIN. It's foreign, terrifyingly unfamiliar. Felt like her mind was... crowded with external thoughts - using her powers bringing them forth, heightening her telepathy too? She just didn't KNOW! But doesn't want to be around if something goes wrong, and wants to do her best to find out why before it gets out of hand. Having absolutely no idea what to make of it, she decided to go into her mirror and check things out again.

When she arrived in the mental world, she looked around and tried to see what was going on. There were golden-tinted patches in the deep navy-blue infinite sky, and white stars were scattered across it. The air was a lot colder than usual and an icy breeze played with her hair, both taunting and caressing. The structures that rose from the ground were thin and vertical, golden, sharply pointed, almost as tall as Dove. The darkened crystals beneath her feet was rough and looked like dusty glass, permanently obscured windows to another world; she looked at the shards that usually stood alone and realized they were formed in a path already –

Oh, no… Beast Boy, you're going to get yourself killed!

He was her first instinct - but she... couldn't figure out why... She supposed it was because he was always curious and mischievous, and he probably came to her room looking for her and found the mirror instead... She followed the path, hoping that he at least wasn’t too far in already and hadn’t found a certain too-powerful all-consuming facet of her mind…

She looked at one of the arc-like structures and noticed that the doves on top of it were black instead of the normal snow-white color and sighed, once more being reminded of the white bolts flickering around her and hoping with all her desperation that she might be able to at least control them here.

Farther down the path she saw one of the arcs and blinked, wondering how far Beast Boy had gotten in – if it really was him, and not Robin learning from reading in the restricted files again like he did when Raven was sick…

She didn’t want to see exactly what the different facets of her personalities were like when she was almost as far from normal as she could go, and she stopped at the arc... to hesitate, before actually passing under it.

The scenery didn't change much, but she could almost feel which part of her mind this was if the slight alterations weren't enough. The sky became more colorful and the stars blinked a different color each time they winked in and out of sight. Instead of walking on the rock, she was now walking on a dark marbled tile, and rows and rows of books littered the carpeted rooms flanking the path ahead.

I haven't been thinking like this in so long...

It was her rational and reasonable self, the part of her kept calm and placid by the memory of Azarath and her sister's teachings. For the past few days, she had pretty much been desperate - irrational and unreasonable. Walking through her own mind like this was a bit comforting, and she realized exactly how pathetic she had been acting for the past three weeks and a half.

Why do I even let myself get like that? Because I can't help it... She sighed and wondered why she was so much better at controlling herself when Raven was around.

Being in this single state of mind helped, and after awhile she figured it out. When she's here, I know that if I mess up, she'll help me make it right. But now I can't even figure out what I'm doing wrong. I know I can't exactly help myself. Feeling so helpless makes me so nervous. And now I'm so much more afraid of something bad happening...

She passed under another arc and the sky resumed its navy-blue and white-starred appearance. She sighed and continued on, now wondering why she hadn’t been following Raven’s instructions and lessons from before she left.

I really should be controlling myself better… Hey, if Beast Boy is still here, why am I -? I should be looking for him, not walking aimlessly!

She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths and realized that her powers were starting to settle down.

I guess this place really is more focused… What’s going to happen when I get out though? Will I still be okay when I’m not in my own mind?

She could actually FEEL his presence. Then reasoning clicked a spark of hope in her mind: I’m thinking so much clearer now… Then will my powers work?

She stopped before taking a few more breaths and she felt the energy bolts fading away, and she chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos and rose up slowly into the air. She looked down, smiled at her small success, then she flew over the path and the arcs.

  They come in because they know something's wrong with her...

They FEEL it, watching them... Diverts and confuses them, throws them off its trail.

Come across her Fear side. She's hiding when they find her...

Why are you hiding?

Yeah, you KNOW us.

"We don't BITE!" Though he added, "...most of the time."

She tells about her mother - people would HATE her...

Aw, c'mon, Dove.

We know, and we don't hate you.

(She blinks, afraid to believe it...) Promise?

Promise.

(Head bows.) ...She's afraid they WILL...

Why's that?

Things are getting bad and when things get bad for me, people get HURT!

[Riling attracts palpable darkness -

She SCREAMS! WE HAVE TO RUN!

Drags them away, suddenly vanishes and they're still running - world shifts around them...

(They see from that side that she's always eternally terrified...)

They're only one section beyond where Dove was.

Find her intellect. (She pops up?) Tells them they were quite unwise to come here...

(something) Of course not. My powers are only unstable when my mind is unstable.

After passing over four arcs, she saw Beast Boy – and a little surprisingly, along with Cyborg – talking to a figure of herself dressed in hot pink. The figure looked over her shoulders and waved at the boys before disappearing, right before Dove landed in front of them.

“You know, you guys should probably get out,” she said as she touched down. "Please."

“Oh, no you don’t!” Cyborg said.

“Don't what…?” Dove blinked at him in confusion.

“We pretty much went through this whole thing with Raven already,” Beast Boy told her.

“What are you guys talking about?”

Beast Boy answered her. “There was this once when Raven was going like rage-crazy psycho, and then we snuck into her room and got stuck in her mirror, and it was a total accident but it was a good thing because there was this bad thing, but then we kinda helped her back to normal.”

“Raven?” Dove tilted her head, only confused further on every phrase, but stuck on the first part - she couldn't imagine her letting herself get 'rage-crazy'. She never mentioned that...

“Yes, Raven,” Cyborg replied. “You know, she has her moments too.”

“What exactly did you guys--"

Distant thunder sounded, reverberating through the crystal, vibrating their feet. And the world consumed in quaking. The doves perched on an arc overhead flew off and scattered.

Dove's eyes flicked up anxiously. “We need to leave. Now!”

The boys glanced at each other and nodded.

"Dude..."

"We know what's up here."

“Huh?” Dove glanced around. "How you can know..."

“Well, we do!”

Dove sighed. “And why should I trust that?”

“Because the exact same thing happened with Raven!”

“Exact?” Dove shifted and looked at Beast Boy questionably. Almost... AFRAID to ask about this story...

“Yeah. She was acting just like you are now, all upset and loner-y and angry at anyone who tried to help, so we went to talk to her. But then we got stuck in this mirror-thing-" He gestured around. "And found like four different versions of her. Then this big red thing came and we fought him, but got our butts kicked until she did this awesome thing and there were like seven Ravens and we helped her win and everything was okay, so we figured, if we could help her, maybe we could help you, too!"

Dove was stunned with both shock and disbelief. "You-- invaded her mind?"

"More like her mind invaded us."

"Yeah, how were we supposed to know some random mirror would take us to crazy town?"

"Crazy town." If that's what they thought of Raven's mind...

Ahh! I didn't mean it like that, I--

( ??? )

"So," Cyborg proposed as he rubbed in hands in preparation, "now we just have to find where you keep your own big, bad, and ugly."

"I don’t," Dove enforced, with a rather desperate edge to her uncharacteristic certainty. "My mind IS big - telepath, remember? And for you to be here is bad. Really bad. And if you insist on staying here, things might get kinda ugly. [Has trouble with mental boundaries, really doesn't want to accidentally mess with their minds!]"

“Guys, get out. It isn't safe here, not in my mind and not with the way my powers are acting-- ”

“Look,” Cyborg told her. “We aren’t going to leave you here to try fighting yourself and lose. Raven did the same thing. Well, until she did this thing and we won."

Dove just shook her head. "That... means a lot to me. It really does. But... My problem, it's... It's not the kind of thing you can fight out. Try to understand... I fight my battle with peace, okay?" And they followed her gaze uncertainly as she turned to the world beyond, watching each glistening star fade in and out of existence, the gentle wind pulling through her hair, tugging at her cloak... a strange sort of wistfulness so faint in her face as they fell silent.

"That's what Azarath means, isn't it," Beast Boy said, in a moment of sudden epiphany, and genuine wonder in his voice.

Dove's head was held low as she turned halfway back. "...pretty much," she offered softly. The name had crossed her thoughts, and being here, in a telepath's mind, with her projective powers... It crossed his thoughts, too. (His was more open than Cyborg's, she realized, more receptive, more... prone to outside reality than Cyborg's scientific reality - there was a cold stubbornness to his mind...)

Even realizing she could understand that much about them made her all the more uneasy. "We... really should leave. The pressure of my mind against yours, it's... It's not safe," Dove warned them, not even knowing how to explain.

"Well, we tried..."

At some point: Dove explains why she was really only able to feel close to Raven – had known her earlier and had no reason to fear her…

Met a part of her that wouldn't stop hiding.

Dove's shoulders sank - surely they'd be so unimpressed. "...Oh...."

Why be afraid [of people]?

Mother taught her that if anyone knew about her, they’d fear and hate her and take her away from home… and she never learned how to interact with strangers because of that fear. Could only get close to one at a time and just attached to her… Raven wasn’t just my friend. Or sister. She was my anchor point. My guide. She’s the only one who can really HELP me…

{{ But they do still have to fight their way out - world won't let them, rather than any specific foe... }}

(They see her smile for the first time in a long, long time.)

"You sure you're alright?"

"I think I'll be fine... I need some rest, or... something, though..."

"What would 'something' be?"

"I don't know... Relaxation and maybe some tea or... I just don't know..."

"I can make it."

"Really...?" She looked at him gratefully.

"Yeah. Raven has stashes of her herbal tea in the cupboards, so - Oh..."

"Don't worry... I think I'll be fine about her, too... Sort of..." She bowed her head. "I still miss her, though."

"I think we all sorta miss her."

"Didn't her note say she was fine?" Cyborg tossed in.

"Yeah... I think she's fine, really," Dove said. "... just have a good feeling about it."

"Earlier you thought she wasn't ever coming back."

"Earlier I was fighting myself, and I was too busy being upset to think about anything but time... and now I realize that she's probably really okay. We're connected... I don't know how to explain it, but I can... FEEL her out there." Dove clutched a hand over her heart as she looked up to them, as if in a pledge of sincerity. "And all of my instincts are telling me she's okay."

Cyborg nodded. "That's all great to know - I hadda feeling that girl could [cover her own butt? I keep saying she can take care of herself?]. Now what do you say we get outta here?"

Dove smiled. "I say definitely."

They headed for the arc with an appearance of a more semi-sphere than an arc, a rough bird carved in marble stone and its diamond eyes reflecting the starlight glow around them, and a vortex lit to life between the rays inside it just before they passed under it.

Dove stumbled when it deposited them in her room. Other two steady her - Dove seemed more disoriented than either of them, and moaned.

But she looked up and called them before they could ask. "Guys? Hey, um... Thanks for that. Thanks for... trying... Nobody has ever done that before, put their minds and comfort aside just to... HELP me. And I'm really glad to know there's someone-- someone ELSE I can trust here. ... even if it's you, Beast Boy."

"You don't think I'm funny either?"

"I take it you really met my other sides... There IS a part of me that wants to be optimistic and smile at everything, but... no. Sorry."

"Well, anything to help a friend, even if she won't laugh at me."

"Oh, I'll laugh at you. Just not your jokes."

So much like the way Raven teased him, he says, "Are you sure you're her sister and not a clone?"

But Dove's smile was already kinda apologetic and he shrugged.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," Cyborg said.

Dove nodded and looked out her window, a sense of victory and triumph glistening just above her feelings of belonging and maybe even a discrete hint of friendship... and a thought crossed her mind that she never would have considered even an hour ago.

Maybe it won't be so bad without Raven after all...

Despite them being in her mind, it didn't hurt their views of her, or strain their relationship at all; seeing what she really is and not rejecting her for it - they actually seemed to EMBRACE it.

She finds it so hard to believe, how much they really CARE about her.

[lovahletmetakeyouout-blog]

Revolutionary Girl Utena thoughts

Okay so it took me till the movie for me to really crack this show open. Usually episode 1 I’m critically pulling the show apart but it was really hard for me to digest the symbolism past surface level to really pull everything together.

You have to accept that this is a fake fairytale . Illusions and symbolism everywhere. Take away the fantastic bits and accept the last episode that the planetarium made everything.

So with this we look at what’s happening and our players . Everyone has been drawn into being duelist for one reason or another they want the rose bride to unlock the power of eternity and miracles and to revolutionize the world .

You have touga the princely playboy. Saionji. Jury the princely woman , and miki . Then utena comes along .

What makes utena different is that she only thinks of others and not herself and in her world she doesn’t need a miracle to break the world she just needs to act as noble as possible until she meets her prince and he saves her. Her miracle already came .

Jury is playing the prince role same as utena. However they’re both stuck . Jury likes women. And knows she can’t be accepted. She wishes she could change who she likes but can’t . She scoffs at utena because she sees herself in utena and thinks there’s no way she can pass the wall she’s stuck at . Once utena does she opens up hope for jury.

Akio creates the duelist game because the world saw him as a prince as a kid. He was everything a prince should be . And even saved utena. However himemiya had to take the blame for something because she saw the way that everyone’s expectations were hurting him. The evil words of the adults hurt her so much that she completely shut down to the world . She was blamed for taking akio away . Akio couldn’t be the same after that. He was no longer the princely big brother . The childhood magic was gone. So he begin to mentally manipulate her so that he could always be a prince and maybe one day the childhood magic would return if he just used himemiya enough he could find his old self. But he was too jaded at that point . He lured the duelist in with claims of eternity so he could stand over their broken world view and made his the absolute . If he could trap these people in his world view he could forever be the prince .

Utena escapes from akios world at the end. She was lured there by the promise of the perfect prince but she embodied him already. The magic went to her. But she had to struggle to show himemiya that the prince she loved was in her now and could protect her from the world and shoulder all that pain that hurt her as a kid. With this utena removed herself from akios world view and into her own. She revolutionized the world and akios view was no longer king. And with that she freed himemiya from her coffin and gave her the power to look at the world through her own eyes and not just be a pawn to whoever’s world view wins her over .

There’s lots of sexual manipulation because if you can make people think their world view is childish and that they only have that view because they have no adult experiences then you win . This was most shown with tsuwabuki. He just wanted to be around nanami and he thought that was perfectly fine. He was her little prince. But once people got in his head that he was a pawn who knew nothing and he has no adult experience he turned dark. He couldn’t be appreciated for how he was anymore he had to be adult , he had to kiss, and have sex now.

Akio uses sex to turn many people dark. The black rose let misconceptions run rampant to turn them dark. If you change the facts then you were right all along and your world view is correct and others are wrong. “I’m the prince because i did what was best, i took the blame for your brother , me and your brother are saving the world “ no the fact is you set the fire, you led yourself to believe your delusions.

The black rose were harder to fight for utena because of how delusional they are, they’re more complex to beat. Making the stages they fight on more complex but simple if you understand the one object it all stands on.

Utena easily wins fights in the first arc because their world views are so simple . She shuts up all the duelist easily except for touga . Who sits back and observes . He sees he can’t go toe to toe arguing world views so he manipulates hers. “Hey aren’t i very much like that prince that your world view relies on. So if you’re right , then I’m very right “ he piggybacks off what she believes in and gets her to fold. Until utena realizes that was selfish and her memory of the prince is so old and easily corrupted and it’s started to mean something new now. Especially to her friend wakaba.

After this touga becomes depressed but he changes. He now thinks if he can work side by side with Akio he can beat him. If he lets akio work maybe utena will see how weird he is and then touga can come and be a new prince and protect her. That guy is your prince he’s weird, I’m different i really want to protect you . He doesn’t see her as a tool to play anymore but to protect but utena doesn’t play that. She’s sharp enough.

Saionji just gets used , he’s a tool. His world view of so easily manipulated . And it’s very shallow. Even though he plays himself up like this deep introspective prince who sword fights.

Mickey is interesting because miki just lives in a fantasy world. Miki kinda mirrors himemiya in that miki doesn’t want time to move forward. They want to be stuck in forever . If it doesn’t move forward it can’t get worse . Miki wants to be in that summer garden playing music forever. That’s why miki is constantly stopping time. If he hits his stop watch he can hold moments still in time. Kozue knows this about miki. How innocent he is and so she sleeps around . She takes on the dirt of the world to keep him innocent but she doesn’t feel comfortable around him anymore . Eventually she’s manipulated into wanting to break miki out of that world and hurt him.

So in all utena is an anime about people fighting with their narrow views of the world and trying to find the power to make their view a reality to make themselves comfortable.