#because really only a select few friends know about these fandoms

[story-book-sillies]

When you have a fandom you have agere headcanons for so niche, that you know people might recognize you from your normal blog-

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

for whom good omens is being written

Hey maggots and the rest of the fandom, it's the Good Omens Mascot here. Today I read a post about this tweet:

The accompanying video genuinely made me cry. And I've been thinking about this for a long while, as far back as February, when I saw a lot of conflicting opinions on what people wanted from the third season. It really is true that no matter what you do, some people will be dissatisfied. But what matters is that Neil is writing this for Terry.

And I was reminded of some paragraphs from the Good Omens TV Companion, which I'd read in Amazon's sample excerpt of the book. I know this is a long post, but I really truly do think you all need to read these, I've done my best to select only the most important parts. Here you go:

'His Alzheimer's started progressing harder and faster than either of us had expected,' says Neil, referring to a period in which Terry recognized that despite everything he could no longer write. 'We had been friends for over thirty years, and during that time he had never asked me for anything. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from him with a special request. It read: “Listen, I know how busy you are. I know you don't have time to do this, but I want you to write the script for Good Omens. You are the only human being on this planet who has the passion, love and understanding for the old girl that I do. You have to do this for me so that I can see it." And I thought, “OK, if you put it like that then I'll do it."

'I had adapted my own work in the past, writing scripts for Death: The High Cost of Living and Sandman, but not a lot else was seen. I'd also written two episodes of Doctor Who, and so I felt like I knew what I was doing. Usually, having written something once I'd rather start something new, but having a very sick co-author saying I had to do this?' Neil spreads his hands as if the answer is clear to see. 'I had to step up to the plate.' A pause, then: 'All this took place in autumn 2014, around the time that the BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens was happening,' he continues, referring to the production scripted and co-directed by Dirk Maggs and starring Peter Serafinowicz and Mark Heap. ‘Terry had talked me into writing the TV adaptation, and I thought OK, I have a few years. Only I didn't have a few years,' he says. 'Terry was unconscious by December and dead by March.'

He pauses again. 'His passing took all of us by surprise,' Neil remembers. 'About a week later, I started writing, and it was very sad. The moments Terry felt closest to me were the moments I would get stuck during the writing process. In the old days, when we wrote the novel, I would send him what I'd done or phone him up. And he would say, "Aahh, the problem, Grasshopper, is in the way you phrase the question," and I would reply, "Just tell me what to do!" which somehow always started a conversation. 'In writing the script, there were times I'd really want to talk to Terry, and also places where I'd figure something out and do something really clever, and I would want to share it with him. So, instead, I would text Terry's former personal assistant, Rob Wilkins, now his representative on Earth. It was the nearest thing I had.'

(...) As Neil himself recognizes, this is an adaptation built upon the confidence that comes from three decades of writing for page and screen. But for all the wisdom of experience, he found that above all one factor guided him throughout the process. 'Terry isn't here, which leaves me as the guardian of the soul of the story,' he explains. 'It's funny because sometimes I found myself defending Terry's bits harder or more passionately than I would defend my own bits. Take Agnes Nutter,' he says, referring to what has become a key scene in the adaptation in which the seventeenth-century author of the book of prophecies foretelling the coming of the Antichrist is burned at the stake. ‘It was a huge, complicated and incredibly expensive shoot, with bonfires built and primed to explode as well as huge crowds in costume. It had to feel just like an English village in the 1640s, and of course everyone asked if there was a cheap way of doing it. 'One suggestion was that we could tell the story using old-fashioned woodcuts and have the narrator take us through what happened, but I just thought, “No”. Because I had brought aspects of the story like Crowley and the baby swap along to the mix, and Terry created Agnes Nutter. So, if I had cut out Agnes then I wouldn't be doing right by the person who gave me this job. Terry would've rolled over in his grave.'

And, finally, this paragraph:

"Once again, Neil cites the absence of his co-writer as his drive to ensure that Good Omens translated to the screen and remained true to the original vision. 'Terry's last request to me was to make this something he would be proud of. And so that has been my job.'"

I think that's so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and so I wanted you all to read this, too, just in case you (like me) don't have the Good Omens TV Companion. It adds another layer of depth and emotion to this already complex and amazing story that we all know and love.

Share this post, if you can, please, so that more people can read these excerpts :")

Tagging @neil-gaiman, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @orpiknight, even if you've definitely read these before :)

[thingsidrawgohere]

Alright. I'm calling it done before it kills me. This is Second Head. It's an Art Book containing instances of the phrase "second head" in fanfics found on AO3. I'll explain much, MUCH more in the cut.

So when I say 'art book', I mean this is an intrinsic piece. I have no motivations aside from personal amusement and interest in outcome. A lot of money was lost/transmuted into free frustration in this project and I have no claims, obviously. I will prolly be the only person alive to read this.

THAT SAID. I have noticed in my years reading fanfic, there's a few linguistic shibboleths that arise in authors who also have experience in the mines. I think there's not a soul alive who hadn't wandered across a 'ministrations' when reading Narutos oral sexing. There's- Hold on. Here's some pix.

There's an impulse, I think, to in-group even when performing a creative act. A feeling that there are certain ways one Should go about the act, by virtue of seeing it performed that way. Especially so when 'training' at the act is often just Doing. Double Dog Especially when the act is exclusively for oneself with very little oversight. Which is to say, we make what we see and we make what we think we should make. At least, at first.

Now, I've been noticing 'grew a second head' (to insinuate surprise) in fanfic for some time. I've never seen it used Outside of fanfic. (Edit to add: I am not making the argument the phrase is from fanfic. Nor do I Believe it is from fanfic. Jesus Hopping Christ, people. That's not what this project is about.) That may speak to my own bad habits but it got me curious. So a friend and myself downloaded a mirror of AO3 from July of 2024. He did some code- Stuff to scan the mirror for "second head" and of the ~13 million works, ~70k (English) results were returned. That's a rounding error, honestly, but Far FAR more than I expected.

This book is 401 such examples that I personally selected for a variety of reasons. The number itself was arbitrarily chosen. Each page is separate fic, the roughly 300 words around our key phrase.

I don't think repetition or mirroring is a negative thing. I think it's quite charming. Nor do I think it's a sign of a 'bad' artist or 'bad' art. I think it's a signifier of personhood, of belonging, of enthusiasm. Of culture shared and wishing to share. I think it's real sweet. I always smile when I catch a 'grown a second head' in a work.

And it's really fucking funny when it's John Sherlock getting a sloppy toppy. Bless.

Edit: Fixed a very VERY funny error.

Edit: I am not making the argument that the phrase is exclusive to fanfic or, fucking forbid, FROM fanfic. I'm stating this Again because we skim here. Also- If you would like slamdunk my ass by stating the phrase predates the Internet or your GenX parents use it, please use 'sailboat' in your comment so I know you're specifically trying to kill me.

Edit Edit: You know what? Fine. I DO think this phrase came from fandom. I think ENGLISH came from fandom. I think YOU came from fandom. I think EVERYTHING came from fandom. The Sun, the Moon, the Seas- Fandom. Specifically Sonic Mpreg. The second head was Shadow the Hedgehog crowning. Congrats!

[happy74827]

A New Moon

[Dexter Morgan x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Despite his gut telling him he shouldn’t, Dexter can’t help but fall deeper into the trap of his own emotions. And the more time he spends with you, the more he starts to realize what exactly those emotions are. {GIF Creds: beautifulguycollector}

WC: 2889

Category: Slight Lime/Spice, Friends to Lovers + Forbidden Love (if you squint) Tropes

Gotta keep this fandom alive somehow 🥲 (also… why are titles so hard to write? That and the synopsis are harder to write than the actual fic)

『••✎••』

You were too good for him. Plain and simple. You were a smart, beautiful, hard-working woman who had goals and dreams. He was a cold-blooded killer. Not to say that he hadn't been there for you, though. The two of you had been friends since… well, a while. A long while.

He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment he started to notice the changes in your relationship. It was a slow, subtle buildup, and the first time you called him your friend, Dexter thought nothing of it. The second time, it made him pause, but not enough for him to consider what the implications of you saying that to him could mean.

But when you said it again and again and again, he realized the meaning behind your words, the affection they held. Dexter couldn't say that he was particularly close to many people. There were a select few he'd consider his friends, but he wasn’t emotionally invested in any of them. And he didn't think he was invested in you, either.

But maybe he was.

Debs was different, and it made him question how much he was supposed to care about someone. But that was his sister, the one person in the world who loved him unconditionally. That reason alone made his relationship with Deb unique. He was sure of that.

The same went with Brian—his brother, as it turned out. And Harrison, his son. Dexter felt things for those people, but they were different. Those were family, the people he was genetically tied to. Of course, he would care about them.

But you weren't family, and yet he still cared about you. It was a different kind of caring. And it was confusing. Dexter had convinced himself for years that he was a high-functioning sociopath, but lately…

Lately, he was beginning to question if that was true. Simple glances from you could bring an unwelcome smile to his lips. And when he heard the sound of your voice, he could feel his chest getting warm. It was a nice feeling, something he'd only experienced briefly with Rita, but then, that relationship was different too.

It was hard to put his finger on it, but being with you was just… easy. And it didn't feel like work. There was no pretending. Dexter didn't have to act when he was around you. He didn't need to try to be someone he wasn't. It was the real him.

It was terrifying.

Because now, as he sat on your couch, watching as you moved gracefully around your small apartment, the feeling was back, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

He should have been home with Harrison, but the little boy was staying over at Debra’s tonight, so he didn't have any responsibilities. The passenger within him didn’t see it as a problem either, considering he’d just recently “disposed" his latest target.

It was nice, Dexter decided, to relax every once in a while. Work and family didn't give him a lot of opportunities to do so, and now that the two were temporarily taken care of, he felt he deserved to be lazy for a bit.

You didn’t have a TV in your living room, so the two of you settled for movies. Dexter didn’t really have a preference for them. He could watch a comedy, action, drama, or horror and not feel strongly for or against any of them.

Apparently, you didn't mind what he watched either because he could see the spark of excitement in your eyes when you pulled out the case for one of the worst comedy films Dexter had ever seen.

He'd seen it before. Not with you, one of the movies Vince shoved down his throat when he planned a night out with him, Angel, and Quinn.

It wasn't his favorite, not by a long shot, but the grin on your face and the way you eagerly skipped to the DVD player, set the disk inside, and closed the hatch made him bite his tongue.

Dexter had learned a long time ago that you were a very expressive person. And even though most of the time your feelings weren't displayed on your face, your eyes told another story. Such opposites to his own, Dexter often found himself fascinated by the light they held.

You had a passion for life that was rare, and it drew him in. It was a quality he lacked, and he could see it in everything you did. Whether it was talking about the newest book you read or making coffee, you put all of yourself into your actions.

It was something that Dexter had never understood. How could you have such a strong sense of self? Didn't it get tiring, having to live up to a standard of being so… so good?

But then again, you'd always been better than him. He might’ve been smarter in some regards, but what was intelligence if it didn't come from a place of morality? You were better, purer than him. He knew it, and everyone else did, too, even if they weren’t aware of how pure he wasn’t

That's why this was so wrong. This thing that had been going on for the past couple of months between the two of you. The subtle touches, the longing stares, the late-night calls. It was all wrong.

You were similar to Rita in some ways. You were kind and compassionate, always looking for the good in others. You had a knack for taking care of people, whether they needed it or not.

Dexter could tell that was your nature, and it was one of the things that initially attracted him to you. All the things he lacked, you had. But that didn't mean that you could replace Rita. He didn’t want you to.

And that was the difference. While he may have found qualities in you that resembled the ones he'd found in Rita, you were not her. Rita was gone, and it was his fault. She didn’t deserve to die, and yet she did. She deserved to grow old, to see Harrison grow up.

She deserved better.

The same went for you. You didn’t deserve a monster like him. The more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that he should stay away. It was for the best of both of you.

And yet he was here. On your couch, watching a shitty movie and drinking the beer you'd offered him. Because, despite his efforts, he couldn't keep his distance from you.

He should've known. When it came to you, Dexter didn't have a choice.

His gaze drifted over to your form as you sat down beside him. You were smiling, your eyes bright and focused on the television. A lock of hair fell across your face, and you pushed it back, the sleeve of your hoodie falling down slightly.

Dexter had never been so tempted to reach out and touch someone in his life.

It was a feeling that had been creeping up on him the last few weeks, and now, sitting with you, watching a bad movie, it was at an all-time high. He'd never craved intimacy. But there was something about you, a pull that he couldn't deny.

It gave him a sick feeling in his stomach. Reminded him of that need with Lila. God, Lila. What a mess that had turned out to be. Another thing to add to his growing list of mistakes.

And yet, the longer he stared, the more he found himself leaning forward. He didn’t register what he was doing until his lips were a hair width away from yours.

You froze but didn't move away. The only indication that you were startled was the widening of your eyes. They bored into his, unflinching. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

He was scared. Scared? Yes. That was what he was feeling. Why? He didn't know. Fear was new. It was a feeling reserved for Deb and sometimes his son, but even then, it was different.

But as Dexter gazed at you, so close and so beautiful, the fear melted away. It was replaced by a warmth that he was quickly becoming familiar with. It made his body thrum and his blood rush. It made him feel alive.

You were the first one to make a move. Well, not really a move, just the smallest shift forward, and then you were breathing the same air as him. You weren't kissing. You were just… waiting. Waiting for him to make the final move.

It was like an unspoken rule between the two of you, the power dynamic. He was the dominant one, and you were the submissive. You had never fought against it. You were a people pleaser, and he knew that.

It was one of the reasons he knew this was wrong. Because he couldn't stop, and you would never ask him to. Even now, as he hesitated, you waited patiently. You trusted him.

Why did you have to trust him? Why couldn't you be more selfish, more like him?

But deep down, Dexter knew that it wasn't your nature. You couldn't change, not any more than he could.

So, after another agonizing second, he closed the distance between you.

It was gentle, the way his lips pressed against yours. A stark contrast to the usual forcefulness he applied when taking his victims. No, with you, he was careful. Almost timid.

Your lips were soft and smooth, and the kiss was sweet. Nothing more than a simple caress. Dexter didn’t expect the tingling sensation it would cause, but the slight brush of your mouth sent shivers down his spine.

The kiss was short and chaste, but it was enough to leave him feeling dizzy. The heat spread through him, from the tips of his toes all the way to his cheeks.

Dexter pulled back, and you stared at him. His breath hitched in his throat at the look in your eyes. There was something there, something that mirrored his own emotions.

Was it possible? Was he really capable of such intense emotion?

Maybe he was.

You didn’t move. It was like time had stopped, and the only sound that could be heard was his own uneven breathing. That, and the movie playing in the background, which was forgotten as soon as your lips touched.

The urge to reach out and grab you was there. He could feel the need deep in his bones, in his soul. But instead, Dexter sat, staring. Staring into the eyes of the woman who had somehow managed to break down all the walls he'd spent his life building.

You didn't speak. There was nothing to say. No words could describe the feelings that had surfaced between the two of you. So, instead, you smiled. A simple, beautiful smile that had him feeling weak.

He could have stayed there forever, just looking at you, taking in the beauty that was you. It was a new experience for him, and it was nice.

“Debra is going to be pissed," you finally said, breaking the silence. “I’ll be bullied into telling her every detail."

He blinked. Once. Twice. Then, his lips curled up in amusement. It was true. Eventually, she’ll figure it out. Maybe she already knew but was waiting for confirmation. Debra was good at figuring out things, even if it wasn’t the most obvious answer.

His sister was good at a lot of things, like being a detective. And, apparently, being an interfering matchmaking nuisance.

At least she wouldn’t call you the things she called Lila.

The thought made him chuckle, and you looked at him in confusion, but it would have to stay a mystery to you. For what was life without a few private jokes between siblings, right?

You didn’t press for answers, though. You did what you’ve always done and waited for him—waited for him as if it was his turn in Chess.

And he did the only thing he could think to do. He kissed you again. And again. And again. And again. Until he had you pinned beneath him, your arms around his neck, and your breath coming out in heavy gasps.

The kisses were still innocent, just as you were. But he could feel the passion behind them, the hunger. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt that. It had been a long, long time.

But the longer he kissed you, the more the heat grew, and soon, he was lost in the sensation. Your hands found their way into his hair, and you tugged at the strands. His heart was racing, and the sound of his own ragged breathing filled his ears.

It was exhilarating.

Your lips parted, allowing his tongue to slip inside, and the innocence was gone. Replaced by a desire that left him trembling. The feeling of your tongue against his, the taste of you on his lips, the smell of your shampoo mixed with your unique scent—it was all intoxicating.

The movie continued to play in the background, forgotten as you pulled him closer. The warmth in his chest intensified, and Dexter didn't fight it. Instead, he embraced it. He gave in to his emotions and let himself feel.

He didn’t go too far; he knew you weren't ready for that yet. The craving was there, and it was strong, but the moment wasn’t right. Instead, he satisfied himself by touching your skin, mapping out every inch of it, memorizing the way it felt under his fingertips.

And, when you finally pulled away, breathless and flushed, he held onto you, refusing to let go. His eyes searched yours, searching for something. Anything. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, he didn’t find it.

He mostly saw fear, anger, and some regret when he had them pinned down beneath him. Of course, that was usually the case with his victims. Fear, anger, and regret were normal emotions—a reaction to being trapped by their own demise.

Having someone look up at him with emotions on the other side of the spectrum was different. Not a bad different, just... different.

Rita had been the first to look at him like that. Lumen did, too, once upon a time. And Lila, well, her emotions were never consistent.

But you? You looked up at him with an expression that was all too familiar and yet not quite the same. Your eyes were full of affection and desire, yes. But they were also filled with something else. Something he couldn't place.

Something he couldn’t understand.

"Dex,” your voice was so soft, a whisper. He almost didn’t hear it, and yet, he felt it. He felt the way his name rolled off your tongue, and it was like music to his ears.

"Yeah?" he whispered back. He didn’t know why he did that; it wasn't like the two of you were speaking in a library or something. Maybe it was the way the light danced in your eyes, the way the colors reflected off the white walls, casting an ethereal glow.

"I didn’t expect you to be… like this," you murmured. You ran a finger over his cheek, down to his jawline. He swallowed thickly. He could feel his pulse quicken.

"Like what?" he asked, his voice rough.

"Not bad," you replied. Your lips curved up, and his eyes were drawn to them. They were red and swollen from kissing, and it was such a contrast to the pale skin of your face.

"You think I'm not bad?" he said, raising his brows. "I'm flattered."

You shook your head. "You know what I mean," you said. "I just meant that you're different than how you come off. I didn’t think you'd be so... bold.”

He snorted.

Bold.

If you only knew.

"I guess I'm full of surprises," he said, smirking. You rolled your eyes and punched him lightly in the shoulder, only for him to catch it and press a kiss to the back of your hand. It was something he picked up from a movie once, and it seemed to be a pretty romantic gesture. And by the look on your face, it seemed to be appreciated.

You didn't say anything else. You didn't have to. There was nothing else to say. The two of you simply enjoyed each other's company, content to just be together. The movie might've been a failure, but the night wasn’t.

And when Dexter finally left, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. Not the type of relief he felt after a successful kill, but the type of relief one feels after a burden is lifted off their shoulders. The type of relief one gets when they are finally honest with themselves.

Rita was gone. Lumen was gone. And although his guilt and shame were still there, his self-loathing and fear were slowly starting to fade away. It wasn't gone, it was never going to be, but it was a start.

A fresh start.

A new beginning.

A new moon.

Yes, tonight was the night that changed everything. Tonight, Dexter Morgan learned that maybe he was more than the monster he thought he was.

[labs]

Introducing Collections

Hello again, Tumblr. Labs division here!

A while back, we announced our comeback as a new team that would imagine big ideas for Tumblr—and would build them in public (aka with you). We recently announced our first failure, and today we're very excited to announce our first possible success!

A bit of context

As we've said before, an essential part of how we're working in Labs is speaking to people who use Tumblr pretty much on a daily basis and those who don’t use it at all.

In those interviews and focus groups, we learned that curating the Tumblr experience around different interests and fandoms is a big part of making Tumblr feel like your own space — and one of the main ways you do that is through blogs and tags (be it following or creating them).

So here at Labs we're working on ideas to help you curate the content you care about, and to help share what makes your experience fun with other people, even if they are not on Tumblr already.

Ok, but what's the idea?

Have you ever put together a song playlist to listen to when you're in a certain mood, or share with a specific friend? Or sent them books you know they'll love? Now imagine if you could do that with blogs and tags on Tumblr…

Maybe you're a veteran in a fandom and have the best recommendations of who to follow for your followers. Or your best friend won't join Tumblr because they don't know that their favorite TV show is actually really popular here. Or maybe you want to curate and browse content from a specific fandom, or a group of your mutuals, your own way.

That's the idea behind Collections!

You can check out that example collection on the web here!

We want your help

The first way we're testing Collections is by inviting some of you to create your own and share with followers and friends—they'll be able to follow all the blogs and tags in your collections. So we're looking for volunteers!

You want to help? Great! Here's what you need to do:

Come up with your own Collections of blogs and tags, write it down somewhere. Focus on introducing people to Tumblr or recommending stuff to your followers. What would you want them to first see on your version of Tumblr?

Come up with a name, cover image, and description for it. Also try to think of who you would send your collection to, and where you might post about it.

Write out that idea as a reply or reblog on this post!

We’ll give it a few days, and pick a handful of people to play with Collections. We'll let you know. Then we’re off to the races!

If you decide to participate (and get selected), please note that this early release won’t work on the apps yet, only in your web browser. 

What happens next?

Our goal is to keep working on improving and adding Collection functionalities while you test what we've built (and share your feedback with us).

Next we’re exploring making a collection something you can follow on Tumblr, as a way to curate Tumblr around your many interests and moods, and to give you more freedom to curate content on your dashboard.

And if this idea is not for you, remember we have many more experiments in progress, so stay tuned!

With love,

Labs division

[facingthenorthwind]

Why does this have "- Freeform" at the end? and other questions about AO3 tag suffixes

Have you ever tagged something only for it to get a suffix like Character, Relationship or Freeform stuck on the end when you hit save? Do you think it's ugly and want it to go away, but don't know how? You probably can't, unfortunately, but there are a few situations where you can.

A tag suffix is a hyphen followed by the name of a tag category. Tags are either Fandom, Character, Relationship or Freeform tags. The reason that a suffix gets put on a tag is that the wrangulator (the part of AO3's backend that deals with tags) can't have tags with the same name, even if they're in different categories. As a solution, it puts the category at the end of tags that have first been tagged in some other category. For example: let's say that someone tags Evil Mark Donk in the characters field because that's where they want it to appear on their work (which is a perfectly valid choice to make!). Then someone else comes along and tries to tag Evil Mark Donk in the additional tags/freeforms field. (That field is shown as "additional tags" on the posting form, but the wrangulator and tag wranglers call it the "freeforms" because that's what it was originally called.) When the second person hits save, it will appear as Evil Mark Donk - Freeform on their fic. This will also happen if someone tags Evil Mark Donk in the relationships field, but there it would appear as Evil Mark Donk - Relationship. It's ugly and it's annoying, but the wrangulator is trying its best.

So how do you get rid of it? Sometimes it turns up because you've accidentally put your tags in the wrong field. Maybe you wrote a fic where you tagged Evil Mark Donk in the additional tags field, and no one else had tagged for it before you, which means it doesn't have a suffix and everything's right! But then you write a second fic, forgot to select the "additional tags" field when posting and now suddenly you've got Evil Mark Donk - Character on your fic. If that's the case, all you have to do is move it. But what if the first person to tag it wasn't you, and they put it in the character field, so you're stuck with Evil Mark Donk - Freeform? You can choose a different phrasing for the tag that wasn't initially tagged in a different field, e.g. Evil!Mark Donk or Mark Donk is Evil.

You may also have the problem that on the first use of a particular tag, you accidentally put it in a field you don't want it to be in, and now even when you put it in the right one, it still comes up as Evil Mark Donk - Freeform! The wrangulator has betrayed you, and you will be stuck with the ugly suffix forever! Not so, my friend. The problem is that even though you deleted the character tag Evil Mark Donk, it's still floating around in the wrangulator, which hasn't noticed that you deleted it. What you have to do is wait for 24 hours (give it a few for leeway) and a part of the wrangulator called "the rake" will delete it. After it's been raked, you can go forth and post it in the additional tags field, and no suffix will appear!

Unfortunately, most of the time it's going to be that someone else tagged it in a category you don't want to tag it first, and you can't change it without changing the phrasing of your tag. Sorry!

Sometimes, taggers will add their own suffixes, and tag wranglers are extremely curious about why. If you've done this, or something similar like put (freeform) in brackets after a tag, please let us know why! What does freeform mean to you? You are of course free to put suffixes on manually if you want -- it's a valid way to tag! We are just fascinated by this practice and don't really understand it. Please enlighten us!

For more information about tags, I've written some other explanations about how tags work, such as how to tell what type of tag something is and tag capitalisation.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Part of the reason I stopped writing fanfic was because my audience expected sanders sides from me and I was sort of petering out on that series already. There was more to it than that though. I could’ve moved on to other fandoms. Maybe gotten an ao3 account and just been someone that writes for a lot of fandoms. But there’s other things about it I don’t really find fulfilling anymore.

Fanfiction is by its nature really limiting. You’ve gotta stick to certain characters, certain archetypes, certain specific tropes if you want to get back a lot of positive feedback. Or feedback in general.

And constructive criticism doesn’t really exist in fandom space either. People are either really positive about your work or huge dicks to the point of easy dismissal. And that’s partially because of all the unspoken rules. Only say nice things or don’t say anything at all. Which I don’t necessarily disagree with because fanfic is free brain candy made for you by a person who’s just passionate about what they’re doing. It’s nearly cruel to try and offer unsolicited criticism in that kind of situation.

But people just want certain things from fanfiction. Fantasy fulfillment, love, very specific types of catharsis, 14 year old goth kid levels of dark and edgy. And there was a point in my life I was fine with that but I can’t anymore.

My ideas got too different. People stopped reading. I stopped wanting to finish things. My prose style is often abrupt and short and poetic. I enjoy being experimental. Experimentation isn’t generally appreciated in fanfiction. Not as much as it is in published fiction in my opinion.

Yes published fiction has its own issues. Its readers are also creatures of habit. But not quite as much as fanfiction readers. And at the end of the day, I realized I want to be a writer. Like a professional writer. Even if that just ends up being a side thing for me. And fanfiction doesn’t really get you there most of the time. For some select few it has, but those folks are often in the romance or smut marketplace. I am not.

Fanfiction has its place. It had its place in my past. I got a lot of practice. I met some good people. But I don’t really read or write it anymore.

I guess what I’m saying is that if fanfiction isn’t fulfilling for you anymore, you’re under no obligation to keep writing it or reading it. I’ve got a perfectly happy online life these days hopping from one fandom to another on a whim without any fanfiction at all. I feel a lot better getting feedback on my writing by talking with other writers and my friends and family about it. I no longer feel like I’m just sending something out into the world to be met with silence. I’m no longer embarrassed to show people I know in my personal life my writing because they haven’t seen the source material the work is based on. My work is just my work, unconnected to the baggage of a source material. I get more ideas from reading, I’m reading a larger variety of things, I’m meeting people who like reading and writing published fiction.

Fanfiction can be great, it can be for some people the kind of writing they want to do forever. But there’s a whole world outside of it. And depending on who you are, it might be holding you back. Just something worth thinking about.

[wordpress-blaze-222749076]

Self Defence Tips for Runners

Running solo is both freeing and practical, but safety concerns are on the rise—especially for those who hit the pavement alone. Every runner has heard the stories or seen the headlines and it's clear: solo runners face real risks, from unwanted attention to serious threats. Preparation isn't about fear, but about confidence and control. So, let’s dive into the power of self defence tips for runners.

Adopting smart self defence strategies puts the power back in your hands and can turn worry into peace of mind. This guide covers key techniques, essential tools, habits that keep you safer. So you’ll be able help you stay focused on what you love—your run.

Plan Your Route for Maximum Safety

Your running route shapes your entire training effort and directly impacts your personal safety. By taking a smart, intentional approach to route planning, you cut down risks and stay focused on the run itself. Let’s look at proven ways to map out the safest paths, use the best tools, and add extra layers of protection every time you train alone.

Use Safe, Well-Known Paths

Photo by Gustavo Fring

The most important rule: choose routes that are both familiar and frequently used by other runners. Move away from shortcuts, isolated trails, or any place that feels hidden or hard to reach. If a street or park looks empty or poorly lit, pick another way.

Where you run matters. Here are some tips to help you pick a safer route:

Stay visible by choosing paths that are well-lit and open.

Seek locations recognised by your local running community. Parks, waterfronts and public trails that host regular joggers often have a safer feel.

Plan your workouts during daylight or peak hours. Aim for times with more foot traffic e.g. early morning or before dusk is usually best.

Trust your instincts. If an area makes you uncomfortable, even if it looks safe, skip it.

Navigation tools can help you check elevation, distance, and how busy paths usually are. Resources like RunGo’s turn-by-turn route planner or the roundup at The 7 Best Running Route Planners make it easy to map custom routes and discover new safe paths nearby.

Leverage Technology for Added Protection

Modern tech can be your best ally on a solo run. With GPS tracking, live location sharing and smart apps. You give yourself an invisible shield , letting others know where you are at all times.

Key tips when using technology for extra safety:

Turn on real-time GPS tracking. Many running watches and phones let trusted contacts follow your session live.

Use location sharing features in popular apps. For example, Strava Beacon or Garmin’s safety and tracking alerts can send your route and updated location to family or friends every time you run.

Explore apps with safety-first options. Some, like Footpath and RunGo, can guide you with audio instructions along pre-approved safe routes.

Consider setting up emergency contacts or auto-alert features in your fitness app—if something feels off, help is just a button-press away.

Popular options include Strava’s live features and run mapping apps listed in TechRadar’s guide to the best mapping apps. These tools not only map your run, but add meaningful peace of mind.

Running alone can be freeing, but you should never feel isolated. By combining safe route planning and modern apps, you boost both confidence and safety—every mile.

Stay Aware and Visible at All Times

Feeling safe on your run starts with two powerful habits: staying aware and making yourself visible. Whether you train in the early morning, evening or anywhere in between. These are everyday practices with big payoffs. Proper attention to your surroundings, combined with smart wardrobe choices, helps you avoid dangers from traffic to unwanted encounters. So you can focus on your stride, not your stress.

Limit Distractions and Stay Focused

Getting in the zone feels great, but tuning out completely opens you up to risk. Runners often lose themselves in music or podcasts, but hidden hazards and sudden surprises demand your full attention. The best defence is a tuned-in mind.

Keep headphone volume low. You still hear important sounds like footsteps, cars, or someone calling out. Loud tunes drown out cues you can't afford to miss.

Use only one earbud. Running with one ear free lets you enjoy audio yet stay tuned to the real world. One good ear on your surroundings is worth any playlist.

Check your environment often. Regularly scan ahead, to the sides, and behind. Look for new people, animals, or vehicles entering your zone.

Avoid texting, calls, or other distractions. Pausing to post or handle your phone interrupts your awareness and slows your reactions.

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, change your route or head to a busier area. Your intuition is your early warning system.

Run with purpose: you’re not just chasing distance, you’re owning your space. Staying alert prevents most situations from becoming problems. For more detailed tips on staying alert and its impact on running safety, check out this guide on how to keep a watchful eye when you run alone.

Wear Reflective and High-Visibility Gear

Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU

Evening and early morning runs bring less light and more risk. Being seen by drivers and cyclists is not optional, it’s essential. High-visibility clothing and reflective gear boost your chance of staying safe mile after mile.

Consider adding these to your running kit:

Reflective vests and harnesses. A lightweight reflective vest amplifies your outline from every angle. Look for those with broad coverage.

Bright, neon tops. Day or night, bold, fluorescent colors catch the eye—think yellow, orange, or green.

Reflective stripes and patches. Add these to jackets, shoes, and hats for extra visibility in low light.

LED armbands, lights, or clip-ons. Small, battery-powered lights make you visible in seconds and attach almost anywhere.

Visible accessories. Hats, gloves, and even shoe laces in bright or reflective colours round out a stand-out look.

Wondering what to pick? Reviews of the best reflective running gear for 2025 share top-rated vests, shirts, and accessories guaranteed to boost nighttime safety. For more ideas, check out new reflective visibility collections—these products are designed specifically for runners who want to be seen.

No matter your mileage or speed, the right gear and awareness habits tip the odds in your favour. You become more than just a runner—you become visible, alert, and in control of your safety.

Equip Yourself with Self Defence Tools and Skills

Running alone clears your mind, but it’s smart to prepare for what you can't control. When you pack the right self defence tools and know a few easy moves, you run with real confidence. These aren't just backup plans—they’re your safety net. It’s not about expecting trouble; it’s about handling it if it comes your way.

Carry Easy-to-Use Protection

The right tools—small but mighty can make a world of difference. Modern self defence gear is designed for quick access and easy use, even in a stressful moment.

Pepper Spray: Compact, effective, and simple to use in an emergency. Clip it to your waistband or keychain. Make sure it’s always within reach, not buried at the bottom of your pocket.

Personal Alarms: These loud, pocket-sized devices act fast. Pull the pin or press a button to unleash a shrill sound that attracts attention and can startle an attacker.

Tactical Whistles: Lightweight but powerful, a good whistle cuts through traffic, music, and other noise. It never runs out of battery, and you can hang it from your wrist or zipper for instant access.

Handheld Tools: Products like safety keychains or small tactical flashlights fit in your palm. Some feature sharp edges or points. Only carry what feels comfortable in your hand and practice using it before you hit the trail.

For best results, always keep your chosen protection tool within a split-second grab. Test it out on a walk or jog around the block. Aim for muscle memory, so you don’t have to think—you just react. More ideas and trusted product reviews can be found at 9 self-defense weapons for runners and Go Guarded's lineup of self defense tools.

Learn Simple, Effective Defence Moves

Carrying a tool is smart, but knowing how to act is even better. Basic self defence skills can help you break free and shout for help—giving you those crucial extra seconds.

The most useful physical tactics for runners:

Yelling Loudly: Don’t hold back. A sharp, forceful yell not only draws attention but can cause an attacker to hesitate or run. Practice your "NO!" so it comes out strong when you need it.

Striking Soft Targets: If grabbed, aim for eyes, throat, nose, or groin. Palm strikes, elbows, or knee kicks work best. These are places where even a small amount of force can stop someone bigger than you.

Escaping Holds: Shimmy or twist as you drop your weight down. Lower your centre, stomp on feet and turn your hips to break free. If someone grabs you from behind, squat and shift sideways. An elbow strike or a backwards head butt can create enough space to escape.

It’s smart to practice these moves. Try them solo or take self defence or martial arts classes if possible. Repeat until your body knows what to do, even under stress. For step-by-step tips and expert demonstrations, check out this guide to the best self defence moves for runners and real-world scenarios at Self Defense for Runners.

Self defence is not just about tools or strength, it’s about readiness and mindset. With the right gear in your hand and key skills in your pocket, every solo run feels just a little bit safer.

Share Your Whereabouts and Build a Safety Network

Every solo run should come with peace of mind. Good safety habits don’t stop with gear; they start with smart communication and a network of support. Sharing your plans and connecting with fellow runners helps you reduce risk, respond quickly to problems, and feel stronger on every route.

Tell Someone Before You Head Out

Small actions before you lace up can make a big difference. Always share your route, distance and expected return time with a friend or family member. Don’t leave your whereabouts as a mystery, give someone you trust the info they need to act fast if there's a delay.

Many runners use messaging apps or group texts for this. But real-time location tracking takes safety further. Apps like Google Maps let you share your live location for the length of your run, so someone can see where you are and how you’re moving. This live trail of breadcrumbs can be critical if something goes wrong or you don’t return as planned.

Key benefits include:

Instant awareness: Trusted contacts can see if you’re on course or if you’ve stopped unexpectedly.

Faster response: If you have an emergency or get lost, help can pinpoint your last known location.

Added peace of mind: Sharing your run isn’t just about worry—it’s about running stronger, knowing someone’s got your back.

There's no need to broadcast to the world, but making your run visible to one trusted person can be life-saving. Learn more about how to share your real-time location during a run using tools like Google Maps from this user-recommended tutorial.

Join a Safety-Minded Running Community

You don’t have to run as part of a crowd to benefit from community support. Local and online running groups are great sources of safety info, trusted routes and encouragement. Sharing experiences, warnings, or updates about changing conditions makes everyone safer. While also keeping solo runners in the loop without sacrificing their independence.

Engage with groups that focus on:

Safety check-ins: Arrange pre- and post-run messages or meet in common areas to start and finish together, even if you run different routes.

Recommended routes: Runners share up-to-date info on which trails are safest, best lit, or most popular at different times.

Real-time alerts: Get warnings about problem areas, recent incidents, or trail closures from people who were just there.

Motivation and support: Feeling connected not just physically, but mentally—gives you extra strength for tough days.

Some clubs meet in person, while others organise group chats or forums for easy info sharing. Joining even one safety-focused running group reduces isolation and multiplies your resources.

Explore the key benefits of running in a group, including stronger motivation and a safer environment. Even solo miles gain strength from collective wisdom.

Reacting Calmly and Quickly: What to Do If Threatened

Feeling threatened is every solo runner’s worst nightmare, but how you react can tip the outcome in your favour. The goal: keep your wits, act fast, and always prioritise your safety. Take charge with a clear plan instead of freezing under stress.

Trust Your Gut and Change Course

Your instincts are your first and best line of defence on the run. That tight feeling in your chest, chills, or nervousness? Listen and act. If your surroundings, a person or even an oddly parked car feels off. Don’t push through, change your route without hesitation.

Turn around and retrace your steps. Heading back or choosing a busier street often means leaving a threat behind.

Cross to the other side of the road or trail. Extra distance alone can be enough to avoid a problem.

Detour toward people or open businesses. Safe, public spaces add eyes and take away opportunity for trouble.

Contact someone you trust. A simple call or text saying “headed back early” not only checks you in, but lets a would-be threat know you’re connected.

These choices disrupt an attacker’s plan. Runners who act early lower their risk and often avoid direct confrontations altogether. Safety experts agree: if you sense something is wrong, don’t doubt yourself—move. Real-world stories and actionable steps are covered in this piece on how to handle being harassed on a run.

Take Immediate Defensive Action

Sometimes, threats appear too suddenly for an easy retreat. Calm and quick thinking make all the difference. Stay focused on escaping and getting help—don’t get drawn into a confrontation you don’t need.

If you’re approached or physically threatened:

Shout loud and clear. Yelling “Back off!” or “Help!” does more than just attract attention—it signals to the attacker you won’t go quietly. Make noise, even if it feels awkward in the moment.

Use your self-defence tools. Deploy pepper spray, a personal alarm, or a tactical whistle right away. These tools are designed for split-second use, as described in top self defense tactics for runners. Always check your self defence laws in your country and state to see what self defence tools are legal.

Aim for escape—always. Don’t worry about “winning.” Break contact and run toward safety. Head for lights, people, or any landmark where you’ll find help.

Strike if you must. If grabbed, go for vulnerable areas: eyes, throat, nose, or groin. Aim to break their grip and get away—not to fight it out.

Create distance. Even a few steps can buy you precious seconds to run or alert others.

Always rehearse these actions mentally, so they feel natural under stress. Practicing defence moves boosts your confidence and readies your mind to react instead of freeze. Check out these best self defense moves for runners to refine your response plan.

Remember, your number one job in a threat is not to stand your ground—it's to make it home safe. Reacting with a sharp, confident move can change everything.

Conclusion

Preparation, confidence and support save lives on the run. Solo runners who plan their routes, stay aware and train with the right tools enter each mile with calm assurance. No shortcut replaces the peace of mind that comes from sticking to safe routines, sharing your plans, and practicing smart self defence.

Building habits like real-time location sharing or joining a local running group creates strength in numbers—even when you run alone. The first step toward safety is yours to take. Choose one action from this guide and put it in place for your next run.

 

Source: Self Defence Tips for Runners

[mandosaur]

New Rules (Miguel O'Hara / Reader)

Fandom: Across the Spider-Verse

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara / Reader

Word Count: 11,320

Estimated Reading Time: 40:58

Summary:

“No.”

Her voice is firm and she jabs a finger at your chest.

“Do not do that. Hit ignore. Block him. Toss the thing at the wall. Do not answer.”

Lyla calls again and sends an alert that Miguel is trying to contact you.

“Hit ignore! Don’t do it!” Gia reaches out for your watch.

You stand abruptly. It’s a stupid, stupid choice. You know it is. Gia is right, you should just chuck the thing in a garbage bag.

But you still fish your phone out of Gia’s purse and toss some cash at the bar.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize.

Your on and off again friends with benefits arrangement with Miguel comes to a close, but you just can’t seem to let him go.

Loosely based off “New Rules” by Dua Lipa.

“One: Don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone Two: Don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him.” “New Rules” by Dua Lipa.

—————

The outfit you’ve picked out for yourself tonight looks great. It’s a red little number that’s been in your closet for ages aching to be worn. You weren’t sure when you bought it how it would look like on you, but it makes you feel great when you catch a sight of yourself in the mirror. You look attractive, hot, and it steels some of your resolve as you head down to where you and your friend agreed to meet.

If you were being honest, you’ve really needed a confidence boost these past few days. The heart ache nestled deep in your chest wouldn’t go away and simply touring New York looking for villains of the week to fight wasn’t cutting it.

A sigh leaves your lips as you find yourself in a bar downtown. Gia, your roommate, has selected a bar for you both to have dinner at. It’s relatively quiet tonight with only a handful of people, yet it still offers plenty of distraction. You may not have been enthusiastic about going out, but you can appreciate having something else to put your mind to.

Although you can’t tell Gia the truth about your recent stint with heartbreak, she knows the details. She knows you had a little fling going on with a guy who checked all your boxes but just wasn’t willing to commit. He’d take you into his bed then leave before the sun rose. It was a never ending push and pull.

Gia didn’t understand why you couldn’t just block the guy and be done with it. She had already chastised you for your “lack of self control” and “frustrating addiction” to pain.

Of course, she didn’t know Miguel.

Miguel. The man who had come into your universe and invited you into his elite little Spider-Man task force to hunt for anomalies. The man who seemed to understand what loss was better than anyone and made you feel seen. Perhaps the only person who knew you better than you.

Gia didn’t get the song and dance you had around him because she didn’t know what it was like to exist as a masked vigilante losing everyone around you. She didn’t know how lonely it was or how sometimes you couldn’t tell who was under the mask. Or if there even was a part of you left that wasn’t just tied to your responsibilities as a hero.

Miguel was the only one who got you. The two of you had clicked like puzzle pieces after meeting. He favored you over the others and had moments where he seemed like he loved you back. Being with him was like finally finding a piece of yourself that you hadn’t realized was missing.

When the two of you had started sleeping together, you had been hopeful. Perhaps the little arrangement between you both would lead to something new. Hell, there had been plenty of moments where he had seemed softer outside of the bedroom and quite a few times you’d catch him staring with a look of affection-

But then everything would go wrong. The moment the two of you got close outside of a biblical sense, he’d pull back. Close you out and end things with you. You’d go days without speaking to each other feeling miserable and heart broken only to be suddenly called back by him.

He’d pull you back in like a magnet and sleep with you over and over again until the next time you ventured too close and he shoved you aside once more.

It was a very painful back and forth, yet you couldn’t find it in you to end things permanently. Not when he took up a large part of your heart, and not when he was your boss of all things.

Currently, you were on the outs again. He’d called it off a few days ago after a bad mission. He’d come back to HQ in a horrible mood and everyone else had suffered for it. When you’d walked up to his office to check in on him, he had snapped at you to leave. His words had been harsh and cold. He had ordered you to stop acting like his girlfriend, constantly checking in and taking care of him like a child, and reminded you that nothing existed between you other than two adults satisfying some urges.

His words had been a blow to your heart and you had left HQ suppressing tears. Gwen and Hobie had watched you go with sympathy, and Jess had mercifully delayed your missions for a while to give you time to recover. Either that or Miguel had ordered her to keep you away from him.

So, naturally, your best friend had suggested you go out for some drinks. Gia didn’t know about your alter ego or quite who Miguel was, but she knew enough to declare him undeserving of you and promised you’d find someone else.

You look up briefly when Gia arrives. She looks stunning in the neon dress she’s wearing and has done her hair in an elaborate style. There’s a happy grin on her face as she slides in the booth opposite of you and you envy her joy.

She calls your name and hugs you over the table.

“You look hot today!” She remarks.

You offer her your best smile which isn’t much. Already, you can feel some of your earlier apprehension return. You have no energy to be out and about with people. Tonight would have been so much better had you been able to curl up in bed with a box of tissues and some ice cream.

“Meet any cute people?” Gia asks. She rummages through the fries you’ve ordered while scanning the bar.

There’s a group of guys in one corner who eye her with appreciation. You think you catch one looking at you too, but you turn away uninterested. The guy seems handsome, but his eyes aren’t red and he doesn’t have two sets of fangs. He’s not the one you desperately want.

“I’m not feeling too social today,” you admit. You twirl your straw wrapper pensively.

Gia gives you a look with a deadpan expression. You know what she’s thinking. She finds it frustrating you can’t just let Miguel go. She doesn’t get why you’re so hung up on him.

But you are. You genuinely have fallen for him in your time working together. He’s showed you parts of him he’s never showed others. He’s told you about Gaby and how he raised her as a single father in her dimension for months before losing her. He’s told you about how he got his powers and the doubts that come with it. He’s shared his canon events with you and opened up to you about the stress he’s in with holding up the entire multiverse.

He’s let you in where he’s shut others out. You know he feels something for you, are sure of it deep in your bones, but he’s just not willing to admit it to himself. That’s what makes it all so frustrating. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is torture, but loving someone who does yet won’t allow it for themselves is a death sentence.

Gia sighs and the sound rouses you out of your thoughts. She pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes tightly.

“You have really got to get back out there, babe. He’s not the only man in the world. He’s not adding to your life,” she shakes her head.

You look down at your hands.

“You know I can’t,” you murmur.

A part of you wishes you could. If you could flick a switch and let him go, you’d do it. You’d be better off forgetting all about him. It would save you so much heart ache, but your feelings run deep. He’s captured you completely, tangled you up in his web, and you can’t let him go.

Gia thrusts a hand out at you with a look of impatience. She wiggles her fingers and waits expectantly.

“Gia-“

“Ah, ah, you know the drill. Phone.”

You give her a glare but pass your phone over. Gia has insisted on confiscating it since your last break up. She doesn’t want you to be tempted to call Miguel. Of course, your watch is the only real way to connect with him because of the differences in universes, but you’re certainly not going to tell her that.

Instead, you purse your lips when she slides your phone into her purse and watch as she leans forward. She has a gleam in her eye when she surveys the bar. She’s watching every person carefully trying to assess who’s worth your time.

Eventually, she zeroes in on the guy from before. He’s broken off with his friends and is now sitting alone at the bar. Nursing a glass of something amber, he catches Gia’s eye as he throws another look your way.

You don’t even have time to react before Gia is yanking you up by your hand. She’s pitching you forward before you can even blink. You half wonder if she’s the one with superpowers and not you when you suddenly find yourself in front of the guy.

Gia waves the bartender forward and not so subtly shoves you towards the guy. You catch yourself on his chair with a hiss of her name.

“You alright?” The stranger blinks up at you in surprise.

“I am so sorry,” you hold your hands up, “My friend is drunk-“

Gia swoops in and tosses an arm around your shoulder. She has the same mischievous grin she wore back in college every time she had some idea terrible she was cooking up. It’s gotten you into some trouble before and scares you now.

“Hey, you look like you could use some company. My friend here just left her asshole ex. Why don’t you two catch up while I get us some drinks?” She pats your shoulder and is gone in a whirlwind of energy.

You could melt into the floor out of humiliation.

“OhgodGia,” you groan. You don’t even want to look at the stranger out of sheer embarrassment.

The stranger coughs lightly in surprise before offering you a smile. He blinks in Gia’s wake before offering his hand.

“Oh wow,” he remarks with his own blush, “Well that was subtle. But, please, sit. I-My name is Tyler.”

Knowing that Gia will kill you if you don’t at least try, you slide into the stool next to him slowly. Maybe if you entertain him for a few minutes you can satisfy Gia and convince her to take you home. Then you can proceed to strangle her in a dark alleyway away from witnesses for putting you in this situation.

“I am really sorry about her-again. She means well she’s just a lot,” you run a hand down your face and introduce yourself with your name.

The stranger, Tyler, seems friendly at least. He grins easily at you with his own embarrassment. You can tell Gia has put him on the spot too. At least the two of you have that in common.

“Well, at least she broke the ice for me. I saw you a while ago and thought you were really pretty. My own friends were teasing me too,” he offers.

You wave down the bartender and place an order. You definitely won’t get through Hurricane Gia without a drink.

“So, a break up?” Tyler offers a sympathetic smile, “Been there. I just broke up with my fiancée a few months ago. I think I spent an entire month living off of frozen pizza rolls and watching terrible documentaries just to take the edge off. I definitely know how awful it feels.”

His words put you at ease some. You swirl the ice around your glass.

“Breakup is maybe not the right word. We weren’t really together. I wanted more and he didn’t.”

It hurts to say it out loud. It sounds so pathetic when you put it that way, but you can’t help it. The truth is a brutal knife to the ribs.

Tyler makes a noise of sympathy.

“Well, he didn’t know what he missed out on. It’s his loss,” he lifts his glass to you.

You glance away and see Gia staring from your old table. She mouths for you to keep going. You flip her off when Tyler turns around.

“I’m really sorry about my friend. She’s determined that the way to get over heartache is to find someone else. I’m not really interested in that,” you admit. Better to lay your cards out now.

Tyler leans in like he’s about to tell you a secret.

“Don’t worry, I’m not either. My friends dragged me here tonight too. The one in the gray suit is getting married next month and wanted a chill night out. I’m not here to meet someone. It’s too soon, but maybe we can be friends? Breakup buddies and all that.”

He offers you his cellphone and asks for your number. You bite your lip but decide to take the plunge. Why not? It’s not like you owe any loyalty to anyone.

Once you’ve exchanged information, Tyler’s friends call him over. They’ve decided to move on to another bar across town. Tyler has no choice but to go.

He gets up and gives you a friendly wave.

“Don’t be a stranger,” he turns around then hesitates and turns back to you, “And, for the record, that ex of yours is an idiot. I wouldn’t have let someone like you go.”

Once he’s gone and you’re feeling bashful again, Gia slides into the seat he just occupied. She’s munching on fries like she didn’t just humiliate you. You aim a hard kick to her shin and feel better when she shrieks.

“Never do that to me again,” you warn.

She doesn’t promise you that. Instead, she presses you for info on Tyler.

“You two going on a date soon?” She urges.

“He just got out of a breakup too. He’s not interested either. I’m not going out with anyone.”

Gia sighs.

“Look, the important thing is that you let this mystery guy of yours go. This on and off thing is for high schoolers who haven’t developed their prefrontal cortex and have zero impulse control. You’re an adult. I don’t want to see you so broken up about him. You need to get him out of your system.”

You look away.

It sounds easy, you admit, but forgetting Miguel isn’t an option. He invaded your senses. You remember what it’s like to be held and kissed by him every time you try and push him aside. You remember the way he laughs when you manage to crack through his walls, the way he smiles when he thinks you aren’t looking, and the way his voice gets softer when you call. Even if he’s been yelling at someone moments before, his voice always gets soft when you appear.

He loves you. You know it. He probably knows it. Everyone in the agency knows it. It’s just that he’s not willing to take that final plunge.

Before you can say anything more, your watch begins to glow. Lyla is trying to patch a call through.

Gia doesn’t know much about your watch, but she knows enough to guess you’re being called. She narrows her eyes at you when she sees the way your body tenses.

“No.”

Her voice is firm and she jabs a finger at your chest.

“Do not do that. Hit ignore. Block him. Toss the thing at the wall. Do not answer.”

Lyla calls again and sends an alert that Miguel is trying to contact you.

“Hit ignore! Don’t do it!” Gia reaches out for your watch.

You stand abruptly. It’s a stupid, stupid choice. You know it is. Gia is right, you should just chuck the thing in a garbage bag.

But you still fish your phone out of Gia’s purse and toss some cash at the bar.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize.

The look Gia gives you is murderous. She puts her head in her hands like she’s fed up with you. In her place, you’d probably be fed up too.

Still, you slip out the bar and hit your watch. A little projection of Lyla appears as you duck into a secluded area.

“Lyla?” You tilt your head.

Lyla hums, “Miguel wants you at his office. Says he hasn’t seen you in a while. Poor Miggy is worried for you. You don’t usually spend so much time away from HQ.”

She patches a portal for you. You look around to make sure you aren’t being watched then slide in. Gia will definitely tear you a new one for this tomorrow, but can’t resist the urge not to go back to him.

———————————————

Miguel is standing by his computer when you arrive. He’s reading some reports when you pop in. His eyes glance at you as you emerge and his eyes widen.

You’re still in your outfit from the bar. It’s a little ego boost to see the way his eyes scan you from inch to inch. If nothing else, you can find comfort in the fact that you still have the power to drive him crazy.

“You called?” You voice.

HQ is empty this time of night. Most people are either back in their own universe or staying in some of the dorms on the other side of the building. For now, it’s just you and Miguel.

Some anticipation builds in your stomach. This is how a lot of your late night meetings have started.

Miguel straightens up from his chair. You don’t miss the way he swallows when he sees you.

“Did I interrupt something?”

You can’t be sure but maybe there’s just the hint of an edge to his voice. He sounds a little miffed, like he’s jealous. It’s a nice change from his usual aloofness with you.

“I went out for drinks,” you admit, “What is it?”

It’s been days since you’ve last seen him and you missed him. It’s so easy to miss him. He has a hold on you that you can’t possibly escape from. He’s magnetic without trying, has a good heart even if he hides it behind a facade of anger and coldness, and he cares about people. He’s a good person. You’ve glimpsed it all and have fallen hard. Being without him hurts more than any broken bone or injury.

Miguel hesitates when he looks at you. You take stock of him.

He has dark circles under his eyes and looks stressed. A part of you hopes it’s because your last argument has also been keeping him up. If you aren’t the only one hurting, you think it’ll make you feel better. Then again, there’s a mountain of paperwork on his desk and his computer has a ton of messages unread. Maybe it’s less you and more the job itself that has kept him up.

“Jess said you needed a few days off because you weren’t feeling well. I just wanted to make sure you were healthy,” he turns away from you, “Yet I’m sure you are. If you can go around drinking, you can go on a mission.”

A prickle of irritation fills you.

“Did you just call me here because of that? This could have been an email.”

You hope your face doesn’t show the disappointment you feel. For a second, you had been expecting him to have changed. To have admitted he was wrong and hadn’t treated you fairly. Then again, this was Miguel. Miguel wasn’t exactly known for being sentimental or emotional.

“What else is there?” He doesn’t even turn around before he’s at his computer, “I’m assigning you a case this week. Your little vacation is over. You’re dismissed.”

Indignation fills you. You shake your head firmly.

“Come on, Miguel. Give me a little more than that. I haven’t seen you in days and all you do is assign me more work? That’s it?”

You step forward towards him.

He turns around and glares. His eyes flash with a warning.

“That’s it. Go.”

He’s got the voice he uses for the other recruits. The one you’ve heard him scold Hobie and Peter B. in plenty of times. It’s not one he tends to use on you, and you bristle.

“Why did you call me here? Lyla wouldn’t open a portal for me if it was just for work.”

Miguel’s jaw is clenched.

“Well she did that without me asking. I didn’t want you here.”

His words are a blow to the stomach, and your anger grows. You jab a finger at him and glare.

“You’re not even going to apologize? You insult me days ago then want to be professional again without apologizing-“

“Why would I apologize?” His own anger is rising, “I meant what I said. You knew what this was when we started. I’m not sorry you forgot.”

A huff leaves your lips. You shake your head and take another step forward.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re annoying.”

You meet each other half way. His face is clouded with anger. You can feel your heart race in your chest from you own rage.

“I can’t believe you won’t admit that you want more between us.”

“And I can’t believe you’re testing my self control showing up here in this dress and pointing a finger at me,” he retorts. His eyes go down to your lips. You can sense what he’s about to do.

You lean in first and he devours you. The kiss is full of fire and anger. You’re both pent up and stressed. It burns and consumes you in a way you’ve been longing.

Anger fuels you and you take his hair in your hand giving it a firm tug earning a hiss from him. He picks you up and sets you on a nearby desk. The files scatter on the ground. Neither of you notice.

“You’re not going to apologize?” You hiss it between breaths.

He makes a sound at the back of his throat, “I’ve got nothing to apologize for. My intentions were always clear.”

His mouth goes for your throat. Your rebuke is lost as his hands begin to inch under your dress. The words he’s spitting out at you hurt, but his fingers soothe the sting when he explores your body.

This is a mistake. Gia is right. You should shove him off you and walk away. You’ll never get over him if you’re still sleeping with him, yet you can’t seem to do that. Your body amidst the haze of ecstasy won’t allow it.

Instead, you close your eyes and give in. You let him fuck you in his office all while telling yourself you’ll deal with the fallout in the morning. You don’t think of the consequences or how much this will hurt when the sun rises-

And it does.

It hurts like hell when you blink awake after dozing off in his chair and find him gone in the morning. He’s left for the day and a note near you is the only thing he leaves behind. You read it then throw it into the waste bin with tears running down your face.

In his messy scrawl he’s written, THIS CHANGES NOTHING.

———————————————

Gia has her arms crossed when you return to your shared apartment. She knows where you’ve been. She can see it in the bites he’s left along your neck and shoulders. The walk of shame you just took burns.

“You slept with him, huh?” Her eyes are narrowed in annoyance.

You sign and bury your head in your hands. She isn’t done with you yet. Her judgement feels thick against your skin.

“And he left again, huh? Right after he got what he wanted.”

The question makes you cry. You burst into tears feeling regret and heartbreak. Gia sighs and her gaze softens. She wraps her arms around you and holds you close.

What’s worse is that the pain of his rejection doesn’t hold a candle to the pain of missing him. It’s illogical and pathetic, but you and Gia both know this won’t be the last time you make this same mistake.

And it isn’t.

Days later, he appears at your doorstep and you welcome him into your bed again.

———————————————

Days after that encounter, you open the door to find Miguel bleeding in the hallway. He has a large gash across his side that looks painful. He stumbles inside before you can even react.

“Miguel?”

You close the door behind you as he hisses in pain.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, but I need a first aid kit,” he groans.

You’re grateful Gia isn’t here. You don’t think you could explain why Miguel is bleeding in his spider suit. That or why you let your ex back inside again.

Deciding to shelve your personal feelings, you hurry him over to the kitchen and set him down on a chair. There’s a first aid kit under the sink. You’ve used it plenty of times before when you come back from fighting crime.

Miguel is strong and puts on a brave face as you go about patching him up. The gash at his side is the worst one, but his knuckles are also bleeding and there’s a tiny cut on the side of his chin that looks painful too. It doesn’t look like he’ll need stitches, but it does look bad.

“What happened?” You look up at him.

“Anomaly. I took it down, but it got me on the side. I didn’t even think before coming here. I’m sorry.”

He looks away as you work. You wish you could tell what thoughts are running through his mind. Your own are consumed with the fact that he’s here.

HQ was just a click of the watch away. Lyla could have called him to the medics there and gotten him help. Why had he showed up at your place? You haven’t spoken since the night at his office.

The memory of it stings and you purse your lips.

This is probably a mistake. The second mistake you’ve made this week. Things won’t end well if you don’t develop a sense of self control, but you’re not sure you want to let go. Despite everything, there’s still a little nag of hope that’s rooted itself deep into your heart. You don’t want to give up.

“You weren’t at HQ these past few days either,” Miguel speaks up. He suppresses a wince when you finish his side. The skin there is already starting to heal over. A testament to his powers.

The bruises on his knuckles look worse than they are. It takes just a bit of treatment to get them to start healing too. Soon, the cuts are just dark bruises.

“I did my mission. I let Hobie do the report for me,” you explain.

The mission he had assigned you on had been easy. You and Hobie had taken the anomaly down without question. It was just another villain of the week. At the end, Hobie had offered to go back to HQ without you to check in with Jess and Miguel. You had fled back to your universe certain that you couldn’t face people there just yet.

A muscle on his jaw works as he tightens it, “You don’t have to avoid me. I’m sorry for what happened earlier.”

His words make you ache. You hate feeling this way. Always dancing around the truth but never able to fully face it.

The final cut he has is on his chin. You have to look at his face to tend to it. His eyes are trained on you and the depths there take your breath away.

There’s trepidation and nervousness there along with something else. It’s soft and meek like he’s trying to shield it. You think it’s a cross between longing and affection.

He does love you too. You believe it strongly. He just doesn’t want to admit it. Miguel is the kind of man who can face hordes of villains and never falter, but ask him to open up and share his feelings and he panics. He can’t even be honest with himself.

Your fingers trace the planes of his face as you apply a thin layer of ointment on the cut.

“I thought that’s what you wanted,” you whisper. It always seemed like he wanted you as far away from himself as possible. You had agreed to give him that even if it slowly killed you, “Why did you come here tonight? Really?”

Lyla wouldn’t have sent him to you if he hadn’t asked. For all of her teasing of him, she is mostly obedient. She would know not to send him where he doesn’t want to. The fact that he came to your door means a part of him did.

Why? Why tell you to keep your distance then show up at your home anyway? Could there also be a part of him that finds you just as impossible to be away from? Or are you clinging to him and seeing what isn’t there?

A faint trace of color has spread through his face. You blink. Without realizing it, your fingers have been stroking his chin. It’s such a habit that you never even noticed it.

An apology forms on your lips and you drop you hand before he intercepts it. He takes your hand in his and stares down at it. The muscle in his jaw works again.

“I wanted to see you. Hobie said you had been injured on your mission. I nearly came here then and there,” he admits. It’s a quiet breath into the night like he can’t believe he’s admitting it. Your heart picks up.

The injury in question had been a simple broken rib. Your powers come with accelerated healing. By the time you had noticed it, it had already started repairing itself. Hobie and Miguel both know this, yet he had been worried. A part of you dares to hope again.

And then you remember the way he had left you in his office. The note that had broken your heart. The way he took and never gave anything back. An ugly feeling twists in the pit of your stomach.

“I really don’t know why you’re doing this to me,” you breathe out.

It hurts to be led on. It hurts to be discarded. Maybe Gia is right. Maybe you should just let go. Resign from the agency and ignore the thought of him forever.

You pull your hand free and turn around. His eyes follow you as you begin to pack your first aid kit.

When he calls your name, his voice is soft and hesitant. It fills you with a yearning that aches.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he admits, “We just can’t-“

“We can’t? Or you can’t?”

Miguel is brave but there is one fear he can never face. He’s lost so much already and is afraid of losing more. That’s why he keeps people at an arm’s reach. No one is allowed into his heart because he’s lost everyone thus far. His own daughter, or at least in another universe, had disappeared in his arms. He won’t let anyone else in.

A rational part of you knows it. You know he’s pushing you away because he’s scared. He doesn’t want to lose you to the danger of your jobs or the universe that keeps you apart-

But doesn’t he see that he’s losing you anyway? That pushing you away is slowly killing your worse than a villain ever could?

By the time you turn around to look at him, you are surprised to find him right behind you. His hands slot around your waist and he presses his forehead to yours. It’s an affectionate gesture he doesn’t do often. Perhaps the adrenaline from the fight he just came back from is still coursing through his veins and making him more vulnerable.

Your name falls out of his lips like a prayer. You barely have time to react before he’s kissing you.

This kiss is different from the one at HQ. It’s full of fear and adrenaline. He kisses you like he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to do it again. Maybe you should never let him do it again.

It’s addicting. You cling to him like he’ll disappear if you don’t. Surely he will disappear if you don’t. It feels like home when the two of you touch. You’re two halves of a whole never truly feeling satisfied if you aren’t together.

Life would be so much easier if he just admitted he loved you too. If he took a chance on you both. It would save you so much heartache.

It’s a really bad idea to do this tonight, you think. You haven’t discussed anything. You haven’t come to an agreement or settled out your feelings. The two of you are merely working on instinct.

But that doesn’t stop you from leading him to your bed. His injuries don’t stop him from sleeping with you. The darkness of the night offers some cover for what you’re doing. Some way to hide from the emotions you are trying so hard to evoke and he so hard to restrain.

It’s a long night for you both. By the time you’re done, you’re exhausted and he has to go back to his world. You don’t say anything as he turns to dress. Sleep is slowly creeping up along with the smallest whisper in your head that chides you for doing this again. Falling back into his web without measuring the consequence.

Before he leaves, he kisses your forehead. It’s a soft piece of affection he’s never done before after sex. If you weren’t so tired and sleep weren’t already dragging your eyelids shut, you would have asked him to stay.

Still, before he leaves, you swear you hear him whisper an “I love you” into your skin. You can never be truly sure of it. Perhaps it was a dream your subconscious did to ease your heartbreak, but you want to believe it’s true anyway.

It isn’t until the next morning that you wake up alone again and hate yourself for putting yourself through this once more.

———————————————

Avoiding HQ isn’t doing you any favors. There’s a mountain of work with your name on it that you haven’t done in a while. Jess has been patient thus far, but you hate to add more stress to her plate.

You’re an adult. You can do professional. Even if your ex is the leader of the agency, you know you can keep calm and work.

So days after your last encounter, you ask Lyla for a portal and set off for HQ. Gwen nods at you as you pass by and you detect a hint or worry on her face. You offer her a weak smile in turn and hurry to your desk.

Paperwork is tedious. You’ve always hated to write mission reports, but it keeps your mind occupied. You breeze through five entire files before your fingers begin to cramp.

The sun in Miguel’s universe is starting to set by the time you finally give up. The workload has eased some, but you’re stuck on one particular file. The document needs some information that Miguel has in his computer. Lyla doesn’t respond when you call her, likely helping out with another mission some other team has been sent on, so you have no choice but to go to his office.

A pit of anxiety forms in your stomach. You dread walking up the stairs to where his office is. It’s been days since you last made the mistake of letting him in, and you’re not eager to see him again. Still, you can’t just shirk your duties because you’re heartbroken.

So you make yourself a promise not to sleep with him this time and go up the stairs. You tell yourself you won’t let him back in for once. That you’ll cut him off cold turkey and be out of his hair before he can even react. Maybe if you copy the document fast, you can get out before he even has a chance to speak-

But then the sound of voices reaches your ear. You can make out Miguel’s voice and someone else’s. Peter B.? It seems the two are talking in his office.

It’s wrong of you to listen in, you know it, and you almost go back down the stairs deciding to come back tomorrow-

But then Peter B. says your name and you freeze. For a moment, you panic that maybe they know you’re here. Maybe one of them has detected you with their senses or maybe Miguel has smelled you. However, it later becomes apparent they’re just talking about you.

Curiosity burns and you hesitate. It’s wrong, an invasion of their privacy, but you can’t help yourself. If they’re discussing you without your presence, you think you’re owed some rights to hear what they’re saying.

So you inch back to the door and listen in making sure to keep yourself discrete.

Peter B. sounds serious for once. It’s uncharacteristic for him. He’s talking to Miguel and you can hear something in his voice like he’s upset.

“-ow long are you going to keep doing this? You’re both miserable.”

He’s scolding Miguel. His words sound both sympathetic and exasperated. He reminds you so much of Gia that you almost roll your eyes.

“This isn’t your business,” Miguel’s voice is a growl. You recognize the dark tone he uses. It’s a tone he’s used on you before in arguments. He uses it when you pry too close and he gets frightened.

“I’m your friend,” Peter B. argues back, “I’m just looking out for you.”

There’s the scrape of a chair like he’s flung himself into a seat. You can practically imagine them both sitting across from each other. Miguel skulking and trying to ignore him while he talks while Peter B. chastises him.

Since they’ve met, Peter B. has called himself Miguel’s friend. Miguel denies it vehemently and claims not to have friends, yet he doesn’t kick him out when he intrudes. He always seems to let him talk or lets him bring Mayday to work. It’s likely that, like your situation, Miguel does think of Peter as a friend even if he would never admit it.

“We are not friends. You should go home,” Miguel bites back.

Peter makes a sound like he’s shaking his head. You hear him sigh and the chair creaks as he shifts his weight.

“Look, I get it. I do. I was divorced once, but come on, Miguel. This isn’t healthy. You keep torturing yourself with this over and over again. When will you just admit the truth to yourself?” His voice sounds tired.

Miguel is silent. You wish he weren’t. You’d love to hear what he’s thinking.

Peter continues.

“You sleep with her, you ask Lyla to check in with her, you watch her on your screens, you send her out on the least dangerous missions, and you panic when she gets hurt. Why can’t you just admit you’re in love with her and let her in. We all deserve a chance to be happy, right?”

You manage to bite back the gasp that rises up your throat.

There. Peter has said it out loud. The one thing you’ve never said out loud or Miguel.

There’s a very tense silence that follows. Miguel refuses to budge. You can practically imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose the way he does when he’s upset.

Frustration fills you. You wish he’d say something. Anything. Finally admit the truth to someone even if it isn’t to you. Or at least admit the truth to himself.

You know he loves you. Everyone around you knows too. Jess, Hobie, Gwen, Pav, Peter, Ben…Everyone knows. It’s just getting him to say it out loud and do something about it that’s the hard part.

A hand slams on something. You almost jump. It seems Miguel has taken his frustration out on a monitor. You can hear the static chirping as the screen splits in half.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he hisses it out at Peter, “She’s just a colleague.”

Peter doesn’t give up. You hear his chair scrape as he stands.

“You don’t do everything you’re doing for a colleague. Look, I lost Mary Jane too once. She left me and I was miserable. I would have never have found happiness again or gotten Mayday if I hadn’t just let go of my fear. Someone once told me it’s all just a leap of faith.”

A leap of faith. You think you like that expression.

Miguel doesn’t.

“I’m not afraid and our situations aren’t comparable. Your wife was from your universe. You belonged to the same world. She didn’t have powers that made her risk her life daily. She wasn’t always in danger. You know our line of work. You know why I can’t.”

You hear him begin to pace. He’s going for his stage system. If he ascends up, he’ll brood forever and Peter’s efforts will be for naught. You hope he manages to stop him before that happens.

He does. You can hear when Peter clicks off the elevator’s button and when Miguel growls out a warning for him to quit.

“You are afraid, and that’s okay. You just can’t let fear destroy you. I was afraid to have Mayday and look at me! I love being a dad. You should let her in. Let yourself be happy. You’ve already lost enough.”

You think to Miguel’s daughter. The way he had broken when he had lost her. You think of his canon events and the people he’s watched die. It makes sense that he’s so terrified about letting you in. You get it.

However, Peter is right. Fear shouldn’t control him. You’re afraid too about loving someone in your line of work, but you’ve decided to be brave. In a world where you could die any moment, isn’t it better to die having have experienced a great love? Doesn’t the reward outweigh the pain?

Miguel mutters a string of Spanish. He’s irritated and beginning to shut down. Any moment now he’ll close himself up. You just hope Peter’s words were enough to get him to think.

Your hopes, however, are shattered when he next speaks.

“I’ll end things with her then. Happy? Set her free. She doesn’t deserve being strung along-“

“Miguel, that’s not what-“

Peter’s words are cut off as the elevator is turned back on. Your eyes burn with tears and anger floods you.

Stupid, stupid man. Too stubborn and cowardly for his own good.

“Don’t do this, Miguel, come on!” Peter practically begs him as the elevator begins to make its ascent up, “It’s not just you you’re hurting.”

“I’m going to end things once and for all. You’re right. This isn’t fair.”

Miguel’s words are final and the elevator clangs as he reaches the top. Moments later, you hear Peter drop into his chair out of frustration. That’s your key to leave.

You storm off HQ and call on Lyla. This time she answers. Whatever playful retort was on her tongue earlier dies away when she sees your tears.

You don’t give her a chance to ask what’s wrong. Instead, you demand a portal back to your world.

Emerging back into your apartment, you storm over to your cellphone. Gia was right, you think, you do need to get him out of your system. So you scroll until you find the text from Tyler all those nights ago at the bar and you send him a message inviting him over.

If Miguel wants to call things off, then you’re way ahead of him.

———————————————

Tyler is a great guy. He shows up at your apartment with some take out and doesn’t pry when he sees your poor attempt at concealing your pain. He’s entirely platonic and friendly when you invite him in.

He knows this isn’t anything more than a distraction. You two are break up buddies. There’s no romance or lust between either of you, so there’s no nervousness or tension when you sit down to eat.

Gia has left for the night pleased that you’ve finally taken her advice. You don’t have the strength in you to clarify that it isn’t like that and she doesn’t have to leave your apartment to give you privacy.

“Hope you like Chinese,” Tyler holds up some takeout boxes.

“Love it,” you reply. You try to sound upbeat and positive, but it falls flat. Tyler gives you a look of concern but doesn’t comment. He’s willing to give you space.

The two of you plop down on the couch and you let him choose a channel. He opts for a shitty B film with monsters. The acting is so poor that you find yourself snorting.

Tyler makes you laugh too. He makes it a game to spot plot holes and inconsistencies. The one who finds the most will get to pick dessert.

He’s good company. When you find yourself starting to think too long on what happened, he makes a joke to get your attention back. Perhaps if you hadn’t fallen in love with Miguel, maybe the two of you could have been something. In another universe, maybe you do end up with Tyler.

Still, in this universe, your heart is still broken.

At some point, you win and you decide on a key lime pie in the fridge. Tyler brings out some wine and you settle down into the kitchen table.

“I didn’t want to pry, but are you feeling better?” He looks at you over the rim of his glass.

“Better than this afternoon,” you admit. It’s not completely a lie.

You needed this. Being able to spend time with a friend is a good distraction. Tyler is a good guy. He doesn’t pry anymore after that question.

Instead, the two of you talk about anything and everything. You feel at ease. He makes you laugh and smile quite a few times. By the time midnight comes around, you’re surprised that you lost track of time.

He stands up and decides to call a ride-share. You tell him not too. It’s too dangerous for him to be out at night. You offer him your bed and insist when he protests. You’ll take Gia’s bed. She always takes yours when she has family over at your apartment. You know she won’t have a problem if you take hers for a night.

The two of you go to bed in your own rooms. You find your thoughts drifting towards Miguel, but you shut them down. You really don’t want to think of him now. Not when he’s decided that he’s going to end things once and for all.

At some point you drift off to sleep. You don’t wake up until the next morning when someone knocks on your door.

Your room door is still shut, Tyler is sleeping in. You don’t even think before opening the door convinced that it’s Gia coming back. However, the person standing in the hallway makes you freeze.

It’s Miguel, not Gia, who stands there. He’s wearing civilian clothing and looks miserable. There’s exhaustion on every plane if his face like he hasn’t slept a wink thinking. You hesitate.

“Miguel?”

He hangs back taking you in. You must look like a mess in your pajamas. If you weren’t still half asleep, maybe you’d be embarrassed.

“Can I come in?” He calls your name softly and adds a ‘please’ when you don’t move an inch for the longest time.

You glance at your room door hoping Tyler is still asleep when you let him in.

The last time Miguel was here, you two slept together. It feels maddening to have him so close again.

“What do you need? Lyla didn’t call me.”

You try to keep your voice even, steady. It’s an attempt to hide the turmoil inside you. Miguel hesitates when he sees the two wine glasses on the table. You had left them out yesterday. Still, he opts not to ask about it.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Miguel admits, “I haven’t been fair.”

You remember his conversation with Peter. Is he here to end things once and for all? You wrap you arms around yourself to keep you steady.

“I’m sorry,” Miguel murmurs, “For everything. You didn’t deserve it. I took advantage.”

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do,” you shake your head, “It’s not taking advantage if you were honest from the beginning. I just got my hopes up.”

The words feel bitter in your tongue. You look down at the floor.

“But I wasn’t honest,” Miguel admits. It’s a quiet whisper that makes you look up. He looks like he’s struggling. He’s never been good at vocalizing his feelings or talking things out. This is a major effort for him, “I lied. I wasn’t being honest.”

He takes a step towards you and you stare blankly at him. You don’t want to get your hopes up.

He calls your name again. A plea.

“I wasn’t honest when I told you I didn’t want anything between us. I was being a coward. Peter B. poked his nose where he didn’t belong and talked some sense into me. Jess chewed me out too last night. They both made me realize how terrible I’ve been.”

So Jess had talked to him too. It was probably after you had left. Having been on the receiving end of her scolding before, you can imagine it was a harsh awakening for him. It must have been if he’s deviated from his initial plan with Peter.

You wait patiently as he gathers his thoughts. This is a huge effort for him, and you know it doesn’t come easy. Some hope rises in your chest.

“The truth is, I’ve been lying to the both of us for a long time. I-it isn’t just sex, alright? It was never just sex.”

He takes a step closer. You watch him closely. His eyes are open to you now. You can see the emotions there. The affection, the heartbreak, the yearning, the fear, the love. It makes your breath hitch.

“Miguel-“

He cuts you off gently. His hand goes for your cheek. He hesitates just briefly, his fear wanting him to bolt, but he fights it back. When his skin touches yours, a little spark has you both feeling dizzy.

“The truth is, I do want more. I’ve wanted more since you walked into HQ to begin with. I kept pushing you away because I was scared. I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me, I wouldn’t blame you if you told me to leave, but I want you to know the truth. I don’t want you to think it was something you did or that you were never good enough.”

Silence reigns between you both. Emotion chokes your words. He leans in briefly.

“I want this,” he breathes out, “You terrify me, this scares me, and I hate feeling this sense of panic, but I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t like seeing you cry or pushing you away.”

“I-“

The words die in your throat. You think about how you want to tell him that you love him, that you want this with him too, and that you’ve been waiting for this moment. This dream of yours has finally come true and you feel like you can finally breathe again. You want to pour everything you feel into your words so that he can understand everything you’ve gone through. You just don’t know how.

To his credit, he waits patiently. His eyes are warm when he looks at you. It’s the type of look he’s only given you before when he thought you weren’t paying attention. Your heart races in your chest.

Just when you think you’ve found the right words to respond-

The door opens behind you. A half asleep Tyler stumbles out still unaware of his surroundings.

The world stops.

You see the moment Miguel turns his head and spots him. He realizes he’s coming out of your room. Slowly, you see everything start to fall apart.

You want to beg him to listen, explain to him that it isn’t like this, and tell him that nothing happened. Yet he’s already moving away from you. His eyes cycle between betrayal, jealousy, heartbreak, and fury before he closes himself off. He takes a step back and an entire chasm opens up between the two of you. Whatever progres you two had just made is now gone.

Tyler blanches when he spots Miguel. You see the wheels churn in his head and he realizes what happened. What he’s just done unintentionally. The last of the sleep disappears from his system and is replaced by shock.

“Oh god, sorry,” Tyler blanks.

For a moment, you think you see Miguel tense. He’s like a coil waiting to spring. You suspect he’s getting ready to launch himself at Tyler. You take a step between them to try and stop him and try to explain-

It’s too late. Miguel reins in his self control and doesn’t strike. Instead, he straightens himself out and turns away.

“I didn’t realize you had company,” his voice is a deadpan growl much more terrifying than anything you’ve ever heard before. You move before you can think. Your hand snags his sleeve to try and explain what just happened-

He firmly tugs himself free of your grasp. His voice is cold, detached, and guarded when he answers back.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you two get back to it. This was a mistake I won’t make again.”

He storms out of your apartment with his entire body practically seething with anger. You try and follow only to see him disappear in the middle of the hallway. Lyla closes the portal before you can follow.

Tyler is incredibly apologetic when he leaves. He feels terrible he’s ruined things for you. You half heartedly tell him it’s not his fault. It’s all yours, really.

By the time he’s gone, you feel like someone has taken your heart and crushed it in the palm of their hand. You crawl back into Gia’s bed and sob until your head begins to pound. Everything feels ruined.

———————————————

Gia finds you there sometime in the morning. She smiles and opens her mouth to tease you about your date when she catches sight of your face. Immediately she pales and rushes forward.

“What’s wrong? Did Tyler hurt you?” Her hands come around you and she holds you tightly.

You shake your head.

“Then what happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she fusses over your tears. Her eyes are wide with surprise. You reckon you’re giving her a terrible fright.

In between sobs, the story pours out of you.

You tell her everything. How Miguel had come to tell you that he wanted a romantic relationship between you, how you had been about to tell him that you loved him too, and how Tyler had given him the wrong idea.

You’re practically shaking by the time you’re done. Gia presses her lips together and holds you closer.

Your heart has never broken quite like this before. It’s in millions of tiny pieces. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to pick them back up. Not with what happened.

Gia holds you until you’re done crying. She’s pensive as she stares out the window. Finally, she sighs.

“Call him.”

It’s such a deviation from her old advice that you blink at her. It pains her to say it out loud. She looks like she bit into a lemon when she does, but she powers through.

“Look, this guy got the wrong idea, right? Go see him and explain things. Don’t let him get away. It sounds like he genuinely cares for you.”

You wipe away at a tear on your cheek and glance at her.

“You hate him,” you mumble. Gia helps you clean up your face. Her hands are gentle.

“I hated him because I thought he was just a booty call leading you on. It sounds like he does love you back. You shouldn’t let him go after a misunderstanding, right? At least explain what happened to him and go from there,” she bites her cheek, “If you’ve been fighting for him all this time, what’s one more battle? Give it one last try.”

Her advice seems so simple. You sniff until some of your tears finally dry. Your head is pounding but it’s nothing compared to the agony that is in your chest.

Gia helps you dress and gives you breakfast. She wishes you well. When this is all over, whether it ends in tragedy or success, you’ll have to thank her. She’s put up with so much on your behalf.

You tell her you’re going to his apartment. Trepidation fills you as you round a corner. You call up Lyla on your watch.

When she greets you, her face is downtrodden. You miss her cheery and teasing personality.

“It’s not a good idea for you to head over there right now,” Lyla hesitates, “He’s in a mood. He’s been smashing things and throwing stuff in his office all morning.”

You wince wracked with guilt. You hurt him. Sure he probably deserved it after how badly he’s hurt you, but you still never meant to do that to him.

“Lyla, please let me in,” you beg.

Lyla looks away.

“He told me he didn’t want you anywhere near HQ for a few weeks. You’ve been put on leave.”

Panic grips you. You need to speak with him. You hold the watch up and beg.

“Lyla, please. Please let me make things right. He’s got the wrong idea.”

It takes some more begging. Lyla looks torn. She doesn’t want to anger Miguel further after this morning, but she also doesn’t want him to hurt himself on a misunderstanding. Finally, she wilts and opens a portal. You jump in before you have a chance to second guess yourself.

———————————————

Lyla had understated the sight of Miguel’s office. It’s a complete war zone. His monitors are smashed on the ground, his desk is half way across the room, and there’s broken glass everywhere. He’s destroyed everything in his wake. You wince as you step over broken wood and metal.

Jess has opened the door for you. She tells you to leave immediately if things get messy. Miguel really doesn’t want to see you right now. Lyla will be on standby ready to send you home or anywhere else if you ask her to.

You wave them both away as you search for Miguel. His elevator is on the ground which means he has to be somewhere on this floor.

After a while, you find him. He’s staring out the window and his entire back is rigid. He senses you before you have a chance to speak.

“Get out.”

It’s a harsh bark of an order that makes you wince. You stay rooted to the spot.

“Miguel-“

“Lyla, get her out.”

He taps on his watch and Lyla appears. She looks between the two of you before shaking her head.

“No can do. Jess has me working a different mission. Sorry, Miggy. Guess you’ll have to talk things out like adults.”

She winks out before Miguel can press her again. You hear the sound of anger he makes as she disappears. He still doesn’t turn around to look at you.

“I came to speak to you,” you hear yourself say. You’re surprised your voice sounds so calm. You certainly don’t feel okay. Your ears are roaring and your heart is going a million miles a minute.

“I don’t want to hear it. See yourself out.”

This time he does turn. His face is completely devoid of expression and he moves away from you.

You spin around to follow.

“What you saw isn’t what it looks like. Tyler and I are just friends.”

Miguel huffs something that sounds like a laugh. It sends shivers down your spine. He says Tyler’s name under his breath like a curse.

“It doesn’t matter,” he waves you away, “You and I are just coworkers. Nothing more.”

His words ache but you don’t let them land. You know the truth. He’s told you it just a few hours ago.

“Miguel, stop,” you come up behind him. He’s completely tense when you grab his hand to stop him.

“Enough,” he says your name with a warning, “Go home. There’s nothing more to say.”

You don’t budge. There’s a terrible voice inside your head that tells you that letting him go now would be a mistake. That if you don’t clarify things, you’ll lose him forever.

You try again.

“Nothing happened between us. I only care about you. Please look at me,” you plea. You try to sidestep him to put yourself in his direct field of vision.

He turns around.

“It wouldn’t matter if it had, you owe me no loyalty. We were never together,” he argues back. It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself of that. Perhaps he’s been turning those words over in his head all morning.

You won’t let him leave. He needs to know the truth. If he decides afterwords that he still doesn’t want you, fine. You’ll give up and resign from the agency. You’ll go back to your old life and force yourself to let him go, but he needs to know the truth at the very least.

“Nothing happened at all. We slept in separate beds. There is no one else but you,” you move forward, “I was going to tell you then that I do want you. That I’ve always wanted you.”

He still won’t look at you. You manage to stand in front of him and force him to see you. You want him to look and see the sincerity in your gaze. The love you hold for him burns bright when you meet his eyes.

Some of the tension from his body leaves. He sees that you mean every word. That if Tyler hadn’t interrupted, you would have told him you loved him then and there.

But he’s still afraid. He’s warring with himself over what to do. His instincts tell him to push you aside like he’s been doing. To save himself further pain by cutting you off once and for all. Another part of him is crying out for him not to. The part of himself he had bared for you this morning wants him to give in. To hear you out and be honest with himself.

You hope that other part of himself wins. You need that part of himself to win.

“Please believe me,” you whisper, “It’s only ever been you.”

His eyes close as your hands trace his face. You have to stand up on your tippy toes to reach him.

After a long pause, he sighs.

“Do you know how much it killed me to see him? To imagine him touching you? I almost killed him. The worst part was that I knew it was all my fault. That you owed me nothing and it wouldn’t have mattered if you had decided to move on because I pushed you away.”

“Do you know how much it killed me to be pushed away?” You murmur. It’s not a rebuke or retort. There’s no poison or malice behind your words, you just want him to understand that you’ve both been hurting.

He winces anyway. His eyes trace every inch of your face as if looking for something. You aren’t sure what he’s searching for, but you do know there’s more you haven’t said.

“I want to be with you. I’ve been fighting for you since the beginning. If you don’t want me, then tell me. Tell me once and for all, so that I can move on because I’ve been suffocating these past few days,” you slowly withdraw from him to give him space, “I love you, Miguel. But I can’t keep doing this. You’re breaking me.”

Silence descends in the room. Your heart beats wildly in your chest.

There. The ball is in his court now. He can either accept or reject you. Either way, this game between you will be over.

He’s quiet for so long that you suspect he’s made his choice. You try not to show how heartbroken you are when you take a step back. You’re about to apologize for wasting his time when he surges forward.

You don’t have time to react before he’s picking you up. His mouth crashes against yours and his kiss steals your breath away. He pours everything in it. His heartbreak, his longing, his love of you. It’s so powerful that you feel your self start to melt. You respond in kind kissing him back just as fiercely.

He holds you to him as if afraid that you’ll disappear if he lets you go. You two meet again and again. In between breaths, he pants your name. It isn’t until both of your mouths are bruised that you manage to come up for air.

He leans into you almost immediately after, kissing your throat and murmuring against your skin.

“I want you. I’ve wanted you since the beginning. I’m sorry,” he kisses your mouth gently in another apology, “I don’t deserve this.”

You cut him off before his thoughts can spiral again.

“I love you,” you repeat. His eyes close like he can barely believe it so you say it again. When he opens his eyes, you see the love for you in them. You’ve always known he loved you. Now, you finally have a confirmation.

“I love you too,” he responds. It takes your breath away. You’ve been waiting for a really long time to hear those words.

The next time you kiss, it’s less frenzied. This time, you both know you have time to pace things out. You’ll have all the time you need from now on. You’re both done pushing each other away and breaking your hearts.

His heart is racing against you and you feel your own beat against your ribcage. Still, you press forward. Declarations of love spill forth between heated kisses and nips. You’re drowning in each other.

For the first time in ages, things slowly start to fall into place. The darkness looming over you is gone replaced by a beautiful sunlight. You feel yourself smile into the kiss and he kisses you more softly as a result.

The two of you will have to talk at length more in the future. You’ll have to discuss what you being in an official relationship will mean in terms of your jobs and your different universes, but that’s all a problem for tomorrow. For now, you’re both content to be with each other and to celebrate the fact that you are now together.

The road ahead will not be easy. Nothing in life ever is. Yet you know you can both weather it if you fight for each other the way you’ve been fighting each other. There’s nothing the two of you can’t survive if you work hard.

Together.

[fairytales-and-folklore]

My Friend Thinks You're Cute

Teen Wolf » Sterek

Title: My Friend Thinks You're Cute

Author: fairytalesandfolklore

Fandom: Teen Wolf (Masterlist)

Relationship: Derek Hale x Stiles Stilinski

AO3 Rating: Teen & Up (a complete collection of author's notes, inspiration credits, content warnings and tags can be found on AO3)

Summary: And that's when Stiles sees him, standing in the middle of the crowd, swathed in a black leather jacket, eyes alight as he flashes Stiles the most dazzlingly perfect smile. Derek The Music Major. The guy Stiles has had a massive crush on ever since they shared a class together in Stiles's freshman year. The guy who went on to graduate later that spring and leave town to go on tour with his band. The guy who composed such beautiful music that it made Stiles fall even more stupidly in love with him. The guy who wrote the lyrics to the song he's currently up on stage singing motherfucking karaoke to. So yeah, Stiles is pretty sure he's going to kill his best friends for dragging him along to this party.

"This is my friend. He loves your work. Big fan," McCall informs him, gesturing to the mortified guy with the adorably disheveled dark brown hair, wide brown eyes, and a blush as deep as his scarlet jacket. "Also, he thinks you're cute," McCall adds, a big goofy grin spreading across his face. "And I'm like 98% sure he's thought of you naked."

Read On AO3 | Read On Tumblr:

So yeah, Stiles is pretty sure he's going to kill his best friends. After two long, exhausting weeks of relentless badgering, Stiles had finally given in and agreed to accompany Scott and Danny to their stupid goddamn dorm party. He'd figured, fuck it, he's a senior, he's so close to graduation he can almost taste it, he can abandon his studies for one Saturday night and try to have a good time.

What he hadn't factored in was his meddling, dumbass friends dragging him up on stage and announcing to the whole room that he was the next karaoke performance of the night. Rolling his eyes at Scott and Danny's cheers, jeers, and catcalls, Stiles makes his way over to the monitor and begins flipping through their song selection. The overwhelming majority of it is early 2000's garbage with a few 80's power ballads and 90's pop remixes thrown in, and just when Stiles is about to resign himself to performing Bye Bye Bye or Don't Stop Believing in front of a crowd of judgmental drunken college kids, he comes across a newer track he'd never expected to find in a karaoke lineup.

"Uh, hi," Stiles winces as the microphone gives an ear piercing screech, and the crowd grumbles and groans. "So, most of you probably haven't even heard of this song. The band's kind of new, only really started gaining traction about two or three years ago, I think? Fun fact for out-of-towners, their lead guitarist actually grew up in Beacon Hills and went to this school. He also wrote the song I'm about to perform, which I've heard, like, dozens of times on some pretty popular radio stations, so I guess that means there's hope out there for the rest of us art students. Anyway, here's my horribly butchered rendition of the song Triskelion by The Alphas."

Sweating bullets, Stiles clicks play and cradles the microphone in the palms of his shaking hands, eyes fixed resolutely to the monitor, not daring to look at the audience. The monitor displays an error message and gives him the blue screen of death, refusing to let the lyrics scroll across the screen, but it doesn't really matter, because Stiles knows them all by heart. 

The overhead lights cast the stage in a golden glow, blinding Stiles to the surrounding world so that the crowd is just a sea of blurred faces. For a moment, he can pretend that it's just him, alone in his dorm room, or in the driver's seat of his powder blue Jeep with the radio on full blast, and really give it his all. So he does. Stiles sings his heart out. And it's actually…well, not great, but not terrible, either. Much to his surprise, everyone starts cheering him on, singing at the top of their lungs along with him, and Stiles is delighted by the fact that they all seem to share his love for his favorite band.

And that's when Stiles sees him, standing in the middle of the crowd, swathed in a black leather jacket, eyes alight as he flashes Stiles the most dazzlingly perfect smile. Derek The Music Major. The guy Stiles has had a massive crush on ever since they shared a class together in Stiles's freshman year. The guy who went on to graduate later that spring and leave town to go on tour with his band.The guy who composed such beautiful music that it made Stiles fall even more stupidly in love with him when he happened upon one of his live performances on YouTube the following summer. The guy who wrote the lyrics to the song he's currently up on stage singing motherfucking karaoke to. Derek Hale, Beacon Hills sweetheart, local legend, and international rising star. Derek Hale, lead guitarist of The Alphas.

Oh

My

God

It's a feat of fucking heroics and sheer dumb luck that keeps Stiles's voice steady until the very end of the song, and then he's bolting off the stage and colliding face-first with a wall of muscle in the shape of his two best friends.

"Hey man, you did great up there!" Scott beams at him, his smile so warm and sincere, so filled with pride, that Stiles finds it difficult to stay mad at him. Stiles has known Scott since kindergarten, and he's pretty damn sure that Scott is an actual ray of sunshine in human form.

…and then there's Danny.

"Seriously, Stilinski. That was pretty damn impressive," Danny agrees with an air of genuine surprise. And honestly, coming from Danny, that's like, god-tier praise. If Stiles wasn't freaking the fuck out, he'd probably take a moment to bask in it, ask if he can get it writing, and then gloat so hard it sours Danny's mood and makes him threaten to take it back.

"Dude, you are not going to believe who I just saw," Stiles exclaims, one hand gripping each of their shoulders so that they're just standing there in the middle of the common room like an awkward triangle. 

"So, you remember that guy that— oh my god, there he is," Stiles groans, bolting side to side in a panicked attempt to duck behind a corner, but as tragedy would have it, there aren't any corners in the epicenter of a room. Why aren't there ever any corners when you actually need them? Why do corners only ever seem to exist when you're in a rush and you're not paying attention and you bash your face into an inconveniently placed patch of hard plaster? There should at least be a column, or a couch, or something. In the end, he figures using Scott and Danny as a human shield is as good a hiding place as any.

"Can you fucking not," Danny growls as Stiles all but claws at his neck to peer over his shoulder. "Who are you even—"

Danny squints in the direction of a dark-haired man with hazel eyes and a chiseled jaw peppered with five o'clock shadow, backed into a far corner of the room, smiling awkwardly as a gaggle of fans bombard him with photo ops and autographs.

"Is that who I think it is?" Danny gasps dramatically, and there's something in the way his eyes crinkle around the edges, like he's enjoying a private joke, that makes Stiles quirk an eyebrow.

"Holy shit," Scott exclaims, eyes widening in theatrical surprise. "It's Derek The Music Major!"

"Yeah, well, it's Derek the fucking sex god rock star now, isn't it?" Stiles practically moans, scrubbing his hands through his hair and burying his face into Scott's shoulder. "Ugh, he's even more unattainable than he was before. How is that even possible? And like, more to the point, why is he even here?"

"Oh, uh…" Scott's voice rises a half octave, a telltale sign that he's about to lie through his teeth and make it sound casual. "I think Derek's cousin goes here. Miguel, or something."

Stiles lifts his head up, eyes narrowed in suspicion as he fixes Scott with a scrutinizing glare. Scott keeps his gaze resolutely glued to the floor, looking for all the world like a guilt-ridden golden retriever who'd just been caught digging in the garden.

"What," Stiles spits, an entire world's emphasis on the t.

"What?" Scott and Danny ask in mirrored tones of mock innocence.

"You…you guys knew he was going to be here, didn't you?" Stiles sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"We…might have heard something about that," Danny offers around an infuriatingly amused little chuckle.

"We overheard Miguel talking about it a couple of weeks ago," Scott bursts out, physically incapable of keeping this a secret for even a second longer. "Apparently, Derek and his bandmates are back in town for the summer, and they got invited to come and perform at his cousin's friend's party. This party."

"And you guys thought it would be a great idea for me to go up on stage and make an ass out of myself…singing one of Derek's songs…in front of Derek," Stiles says slowly, his tone positively drenched in quietly seething sarcasm.

"Relax," Danny says, rolling his eyes. "What we did was get you noticed."

"Yeah, man," Scott jumps in with a barely contained goofy grin, trying and failing to look solemn and apologetic. "He was totally checking you out. It was so obvious."

"Didn't you see the way he kept smiling at you?" Danny asks.

"He was probably laughing his ass off at the dipshit butchering the fuck out of one of his songs," Stiles whines, smacking his head repeatedly into the side of Scott's shoulder.

"Ugh, you're impossible," Scott groans, rolling his eyes and fixing Danny with a pleading sort of look.

"Yeah, look, this whole pity party thing you're got going on? It's boring," Danny scoffs, wrenching Stiles away from his makeshift hiding place and clapping both hands on either side of his shoulders. 

"You've been sweet on the guy for like, what…three and a half years now? If you won't take the chance and finally introduce yourself, then—" Danny pauses, peering over Stiles's shoulder to stare resolutely at Scott, seconds passing as the two of them share some kind of bizarre, silent conversation over the top of Stiles's head that ends with Danny setting his lips into a determined line and giving Scott a curt nod.

"Scotty," he says with a melodramatic sigh. "I think it's about time we take matters into our own hands."

"Just like we rehearsed?" Scott replies with a crooked smile. Without warning, Scott and Danny each grab a hold of one of Stiles's arms and start marching him toward Derek's corner of the room. The ruckus of muffled shouting and flailing limbs that it causes scatters the crowd of fawning fans, clearing a direct path. 

Derek quirks an eyebrow as he stares back and forth between the three of them, taking in the perplexing but not altogether unwelcome sight of a guy with adorably disheveled dark brown hair, wide brown eyes, and a blush as deep as his scarlet jacket, sandwiched in between two thoroughly amused smirking faces. 

The guy in the middle swallows thickly, and Derek watches with spellbound awe as his Adam's apple bounces along the curves of his mole-and-freckle-dappled throat. His eyes glaze over as he imagines, for the briefest of seconds, what it might be like to graze his teeth along those curves. The sound of someone's voice breaks him out of his wandering thoughts, and Derek shakes his head as if to clear it.

"Hi," the guy on the right with the crooked smile and kind eyes addresses him. Name's McCall, if memory serves him. Derek vaguely remembers seeing the name printed across his jersey on the rare occasion he'd managed to make it to one of his cousin's lacrosse games.

"This is my friend," McCall informs him, gesturing to the mortified guy in the middle. And this is must be…Stilinski, #24, Derek muses. Spends more time on the bench than out on the field. "He loves your work. Big fan."

Instinctively, Derek goes into Greeting Your Fans mode, smiles politely, and prepares himself for another flash of a camera, but then—

"Also, he thinks you're cute," McCall adds, a big goofy grin spreading across his face. "And I'm like 98% sure he's thought of you naked."

Stilinski splutters, turning toward McCall with a manic look in his eyes.

"Oh, I'm 110% sure," the guy to the left confirms with a barely contained smirk. Mahealani. This one, Derek definitely knows. Miguel won't outright admit it, but he's got a bit of a thing for this guy. Blushes every time he walks by. "I literally walked in on him once while he was—"

"Anyway," McCall interjects, clapping a hand over Mahealani's mouth, eyes growing wide as he realizes, albeit a bit too late, that that may have been taking it too far. "We're gonna go, and leave you two to get better acquainted."

"You're dead to me!" Stiles calls after them in a playful sing-song voice as his traitorous friends swagger off in the direction of the pong table, cackling madly, twin shit-eating grins plastered across their faces. Cheekbones prickling with the equivalent of an instant sunburn, Stiles slowly turns back toward Derek.

"Well," he says with mock cheerfulness, stuffing his fists into the pockets of his dark red jacket. "I'm gonna go find the nearest bridge and jump off. Nice meeting you."

He makes to turn away, but Derek reaches out and places a hand across his shoulder, hoping to stop him.

"Wait," he says. "Please don't be embarrassed. Honestly, that was funny as fuck, and I am, like, so beyond flattered. Can I at least know your name?"

Stiles pauses, sets his lips into a hard, thin line, turns back to face Derek, resolutely avoiding having to look directly at him, and sighs.

"It's Stiles," he says.

"Derek," he replies jovially, extending a hand for Stiles to shake, ridiculously formal.

"I know, dude," Stiles laughs, rolling his eyes. "You're like, super famous."

Derek gives a half-hearted shrug, like he genuinely hadn't even noticed, and says, "Yeah, I guess…but am I cute? Your friends said you thought I was cute."

Stiles barks out a laugh, hastily covering up his mouth with the back of his hand. He rearranges his features into something akin to casual indifference, and says, "I mean…I guess you could say that."

Derek laughs, quirking an appraising eyebrow as his gaze flits across Stiles's face, lingering at the curves of his collarbones just visible beneath a pale blue form-fitting henley, before dipping down to admire the cut of his torso. Stiles swallows thickly.

"You're cute, too," Derek says, his smile warm and genuine. "And you've got a nice voice."

Stiles's eyes widen. Oh fuck. That's right. Motherfucking karaoke.

"Oh my god, shut up, no I don't," Stiles laughs, shaking his head as he shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket, absentmindedly kicking the toes of his sneakers into the hardwood floor.

"No, I'm serious. You were great," Derek insists. Stiles chances a look up at him, heart leaping into his throat at the sweet sincerity he finds there. And then—

"You look so familiar," Derek says with a sudden, sharp intake of breath, head tilted to the side, brows furrowed in concentration as he scrutinizes the details of Stiles's face. "Have we met before?"

"Econ 311," Stiles replies with a shaky sigh.

"Oh my god, that's right!" Derek exclaims, realization dawning on him. "You were that smart-mouthed little shit who always got on Finstock's last nerve. Man, that guy hated you."

Well, Stiles muses, there are definitely worse ways to be remembered.

"I like to think we had a love/hate relationship," Stiles chuckles, delighted over the simple joy of having made Derek laugh.

"Yeah, I thought that was you. Didn't recognize you at first without the buzzcut," Derek reminisces. "You were pretty cute back then, too."

"Yeah, okay," Stiles quips with a hollow laugh. "There's no way in hell a guy like you ever looked twice at a guy like me."

A frustrated crease sets into Derek's forehead, lips twisted into a frown as his eyes bore into Stiles's, studying him like he's a puzzle he can't quite figure out. And what a ridiculous moment this is for Stiles to notice just how thick and full Derek's eyelashes are, to become mesmerized by the honest to god sparkle that dances in his irises like a goddamn Disney prince.

"So," Derek says after a moment, ripping Stiles out of his reverie. "How did I look?"

"Sorry, what?" Stiles shakes his head, genuinely confused.

"Your friends also said that you've thought about me naked," Derek says with a casual shrug, but the Cheshire Cat grin that spreads across his face is anything but. "Did I look good?"

Stiles's eyes widen in shock. Scarlet paints the pulse points across the hollow of his cheekbones and the base of his throat in bright, angry blotches. He opens his mouth, willing the perfect string of words to come and save him from the nightmare of a plot twist this conversation has taken, but all that comes out is a series of high pitched squeaking.

"Damn. That good, huh?" Derek bites his lower lip, and Stiles about dies, because it is simultaneously the hottest and most adorable thing he's ever seen in his entire life.

"Well, I hope I live up to your expectations," Derek sighs around a barely contained smirk, and the blue screen of death flashes across Stiles's mind. "You wanna go out for coffee sometime, see where this goes?"

What?

What?!

This can't actually be happening. There's no way in hell this is real. This is the part where Stiles wakes up, and realizes that it was all a dream. 

Derek pauses, eyebrows raised, waiting for his response. A string of unintelligible nonsense tumbles out of Stiles's mouth, none of it any actual words.

Derek chuckles softly, rummaging through the pockets of his leather jacket before withdrawing a bright blue pen, and scrawling his number on the back of Stiles's hand. Derek's fingertips curl into the palm of his hand, and Stiles forgets how to breathe.

"Give me a call if you're interested," Derek says, flashing Stiles a positively radiant smile and giving his hand an affectionate squeeze, before turning on his heel and sauntering off in the direction of his beckoning bandmates.

Seconds later, Scott and Danny emerge from out of the shadows, clapping Stiles on the back and ruffling his hair, chanting a resounding chorus of I told you so.

"You're welcome," Danny says with a smug smile. 

"And now it's my turn," he says, taking off in hot pursuit of Derek's cousin.

[mysterialistic]

Review/Ramble on Yingdu and Overall Thoughts

Okay, first of all, I think the fandom needs to chill a bit, especially on Twitter/X, because some people are overdramatizing the criticism from others. Criticizing a piece of media doesn’t mean you hate it, nor does it mean it’s bad—it just means it didn’t fully meet your expectations, and you have a different opinion. It’s as simple as that. Of course, I believe criticism should always come from an objective standpoint, not just for the sake of complaining.

Having said, let’s start rambling!

Yingdu had an amazing start. Those first few minutes, transitioning from the basketball game straight into the scene of Cheng Xiaoshi’s death, were so well done. Overall, the first episode was fantastic—the perfect mix of drama and tension. It answered some of our lingering questions before bringing us back to the Season 1 format, where they tackled individual cases, only for it to all build up to the arc’s main conflict. I won’t go into every single episode since that would make this way too long, but I had to highlight episode 1 because it was my favorite.

There were several aspects of these episodes that I really enjoyed. Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang’s bond was portrayed so well—every little moment between them, every dialogue exchange—it perfectly showed why these two are so willing to risk their lives for each other. I looked forward to seeing their interactions every week, and I was never disappointed.

Xia Fei was also a great addition, and I’m glad they didn’t kill off his character like many people theorized, because he has so much potential. I really enjoyed his complexity—he’s a spy, but he has his own morals and values. He dislikes Liu Xiao, yet he has a close bond with Vein despite his odd personality. He’s clearly intelligent, and I think that will really shine in Season 3. He already seems to suspect something, and I have no doubt he’ll get to the bottom of it. Right now, he’s angry and confused about what happened to Vein, convinced that someone killed him. But how will he react if (or when) he finds out that Vein was the one who initially killed Cheng Xiaoshi—one of his other friends, and probably the only truly innocent one? And don’t even get me started on how he’ll react when he finds out that Lu Guang tried to kill Vein or that Vein is still alive. I’m excited to see where this goes.

That said, I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see much of Vein and Liu Xiao. We mostly just saw what we already knew—two shady guys with their own agenda, pretending to be friendly. As an introduction, it was fine, but considering how much attention the promotional material gave them, I really thought we’d see more. Still, I don’t have a huge issue with it since they’ll obviously play a bigger role in Season 3. Liu Xiao, Vein, Li Tianchen, and possibly Xia Fei—a group of unstable individuals as antagonists… well, good luck, Lu Guang!

Now, something that does bother me about Yingdu is the inconsistencies between its plot and what we’ve seen in Seasons 1 and 2. For me, this was the laziest part of the writing, because no, Link Click isn’t flawless. In fact, no piece of media is. But in Link Click’s case, some of the flaws were painfully obvious. With every episode that aired, I kept thinking, “okay, this has to be an alternate timeline”, because so many little details just didn’t fit with the main storyline. The most obvious one is how Cheng Xiaoshi awakened his powers—he did it on his own, yet in Season 1, it was shown that he didn’t know he could do this. That makes absolutely no sense unless he has selective amnesia, which is definitely not the case lol. As for the inconsistencies with his parents, that could at least be explained by the promise he made to his mother to “not get involved any further.” He clearly remembers that promise and is likely just keeping everything he learned a secret.

Speaking of parents… Damn, Cheng Xiaoshi’s parents are awful lmao. I hated how his father acted like he was the victim, justifying his actions with, “yes, I abandoned my child, but now I take care of other children to make up for my mistakes.” That’s just… bad parenting. I actually made a whole analysis about it in another post. And then there’s Cheng Xiaoshi’s mother. The way she dismissed her son’s feelings and abandonment issues with a casual “oh yeah, it was wrong of me not to say goodbye, but who cares? That’s in the past” felt so off. The entire scene with her was weird—the humor felt misplaced. I was expecting something more emotional, more dramatic—anything but this. But based on what I’ve seen, almost no one liked her, so if the creators were hoping we’d find her eccentricity endearing, this introduction definitely wasn’t the best. Since Season 1, we’ve been repeatedly shown how deeply this abandonment affected Cheng Xiaoshi, and this is the reunion we got? It was… underwhelming.

Now, something I really, really loved was how they handled Lu Guang in this arc. From start to finish, it was just so good—his reaction when he first saw Cheng Xiaoshi again, his nightmares and PTSD, the way he carefully planned everything to manipulate events and create change. But my absolute favorite part? How morally gray he is. He planned and actually succeeded in killing Vein, eliminating the threat (though he’s definitely going to freak out when he finds out Vein is still alive). That cold smile? The scene where his hands moved like he was pulling the strings of a puppet? The way he said, “I hope we’ll never see each other again”? PERFECT. I’ve always said I wanted Lu Guang’s motivations and actions to not be entirely good. He comes across as someone selfish, willing to sacrifice others if it means protecting the people he loves—because he has the power and the knowledge to do it, and he wants his happy ending. Such a good character, I swear.

Of course, I wasn’t expecting every single question to be answered in Yingdu—that would be ridiculous lol. But I’m satisfied that the plot is finally moving forward. They gave us a piece of the puzzle—Cheng Xiaoshi’s parents, the origin of his powers, the antagonists’ apparent goal (some sort of notebook?), and hints at what we can expect in Season 3. That said, my biggest fear is that Link Click will lose its essence—the powerful message from Season 1 about how they shouldn’t intervene in the natural flow of time, no matter how painful it is, because the past and future should be left alone. Based on what Lu Guang said about the butterfly effect, we can argue that time itself is like another character—a force that, no matter how much they try to change things, always corrects itself somehow, some way. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what kind of ending I want for Link Click, but right now, I just hope it makes sense, that it isn’t forced, and that it unfolds naturally.

And… that’s all I have to say for now.

[lemotmo]

Yes to all and fascinating 🎉🎉

Q. Do you really think Buddie is happening? There is just so much evidence to suggest otherwise that I cannot bring myself to believe it's ever going to be a thing.

A. Where is this overwhelming amount of evidence that you speak of? How did I miss all the evidence? You certainly didn't provide any evidence in your ask. In fact the only 'evidence' that ever gets stated is "Ryan's dad said it's not happening'". That's it. That's all anyone ever has to offer up as proof it's not happening. A select few will go the even more ridiculous route and say "Lou said Ryan wasn't into it". I cannot believe I missed the meeting where it was decided that an actor's father, who the actor himself has suggested he has a rather complicated relationship with, and the man who wanted his job are used as the voices of truth and fact over the actors own words. The Ryan stuff in general is wild in this fandom. Oliver's quotes are taken as fact. He gets credit for his own voice. Why does Ryan not get the same credit in return? Oliver says he's up for it if that is the direction the show decides to take them in. Response: "yay Oliver wants Buddie"! Ryan says he's up for it if that's the direction the show decides to take them in. Response : "well he's not going to tell us he doesn't want it to happen". What's the difference between the two answers? They both have said the same thing and they've said it repeatedly. Why does Oliver get credit for saying it but Ryan gets discredited in favor of his father and the leech who wanted his job? It makes absolutely no sense. The only thing Ryan added to his response was that he was good with whatever direction as long as the show didn't lose their friendship at the core. That is not a fancy way to say 'I just want them to stay friends'. That's how you say a romance between them would be great but please don't ever forget that they are also best friends. People taking that response and bastardizing it to make it sound like something he didn't say is not Ryan's fault. I don't want their friendship to be erased when they turn romantic, most of us don't. Their friendship is their foundation and it's what brought people in in the first place. No one should want that erased once they go canon. That's all he was saying. I do believe Buddie is happening and I believe there is overwhelming evidence to support the belief that Buddie is happening.

The nonsense with his father's Buddie answer happened years ago, that is not a recent answer, and while the show was fully owned and controlled by FOX. It has been fairly well established since then that the plan was for them to go canon as a result of the Ana/ shooting arc. Which means Ryan and Oliver went into the beginning of that storyline with the full knowledge that the outcome would be Buddie. Clearly Ryan was down for that. He played it that way. The panic attack in the store when Ana was referred to as 'mom'. The conversation with Carla about making sure he followed his own heart and not just Christopher's. The entire shooting scene! The way Eddie's only response was to check to see if Buck was also hurt. The way Buck arrives at the hospital when Eddie wakes up. The will reveal conversation. The break up scene and dialogue between Eddie and Ana. It was clearly where it was supposed to go. Somewhere between conception and completion FOX stopped it, we don't know for sure why. Studio execs may have cut the storyline but they clearly didn't demand scenes be rewritten or re shot so Tim and the show kept the dialogue and framing of the scenes the same, an intentional choice on their part because I believe he always intended to come back to Buddie. The only thing I'm not sure of timing wise is the Taylor of it all. I don't know at what point she was re added into the mix, but that was when the show started trying very hard to make her a viable endgame option for Buck. Oliver never really got on board with that ship though so it was a hard sell, but Kristen and the show tried very hard to make it sail. I don't believe Eddie was brought in for Buck from the very beginning, but I do think it became very clear to Tim, and the others, fairly early on that the chemistry between Oliver and Ryan afforded them options they may not have ever intended. As a result I think Tim, as well as Oliver and Ryan, started leaning into and playing around with the chemistry. You cannot fake chemistry. It either exists or it doesn't. If you're a good enough actor you can fake it to an extent if you're willing to work at it, but the effortless chemistry that Oliver and Ryan have together is not easy to find.

At some point in maybe season 3 or early 4, I would guess, I think Tim decided Buck and Eddie would be each other's endgame, but that he might have to hold it specifically for the series finale. He has said before he was holding off on definitively defining their relationship because the show is not over. He gave it a shot with the shooting arc but once that was snipped I think he moved forward knowing how their story was going to end, but with the belief he was going to have to save it for the end. The show being controlled by the FOX network didn't leave him a ton of other options. Because he always had the end goal in mind he treated all their other relationships as temporary, and as a result very little effort has been put into any of them. But while they were dating other people their relationship with each other, and the family unit they built with Christopher, was given attention and depth and continued to grow and blossom. Their unit was clearly the priority. That's what got the story focus, but putting each of them in separate relationships, that got very little focus, at least gave Tim plausible deniability that he was trying to set up Buddie. Everything changed when they were freed from FOX.

Moving to ABC gave Tim options. It was clear the moment the network started promoting the show that they were fully on board with the Buddie of it all. They were basically the entire marketing campaign for season 7. Every single episode was promoted with Buddie content. I still firmly believe they were the plan for season 7. You can misinterpret episode 7x4 all you want but it was clearly about Eddie and Buck's unrealized feelings for him. Tommy was the red hearing. A way he could explain to himself why he got so carried away with jealousy without having to acknowledge or examine the Eddie of it all. The episode was not subtle. The show was basically waving a giant YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR EDDIE flag around all season long. Actual Buck focus disappeared entirely after that episode and he was used almost exclusively in Eddie's storyline. He just realized this major thing about himself and his new found relationship and status got zero focus because the show wanted the audience to remember that his relationship with Eddie was still the priority. Eddie and Buck as a unit was still the focus. I have made no secret about what a disaster I think the back half of season 7 was, especially the finale, my god that was a terrible episode of television. I think Tim eventually came around to that realization as well because he spent the first half of season 8 undoing all the nonsense the rewrites in season 7 created. He got Maya reunited with her family, got Bobby back as captain, and split Buck and Tommy. All the while he was cleaning up the season 7 mess though he allowed the first part of season 8 to be overrun by Brad. I liked Brad, I really did, but his focus took away from the genuinely needed forward motion on the Eddie storyline. That has to be corrected in the back half of the season. I 100% believe Buddie is the plan, and is coming sooner rather than later, and for the most part Buck has been put in position. He has arrived at the beginning of his realization. Eddie is not quite there yet though. He's stuck in the Christopher situation. Not everything needs to be resolved and closed before he can be ready for Buck, that's an unfair demand to make of his character and a television show, but the Christopher situation needs to at least be moving forward. Eddie has enough information about his own feelings to not be too far behind Buck in his realization, but he's blinded right now by the Christopher situation. Eddie needs focus first. It's way past time for some Eddie centric storylines. Let him spend a couple of episodes on himself. The Buck realization can come while that stuff is going on, in fact it would make sense for Eddie to realize his feelings while he's in Texas. But even if the show doesn't do it while he's in Texas, Buddie is coming. They have intentionally avoided, sidestepped, or not even bothered trying at all, with any kind of viable alternative for either character. They're not interested in anyone else for them. And now they're at a network that isn't forcing their hand to go another way. They just have to clean up some thing first.

If you don't want it to happen that's fine. Your preference is your business and your right. But people need to stop pretending they're only saying it's not happening because it's the obvious answer. The obvious answer is the contrary in fact. All the legitimate evidence we have points to it being inevitable. A bullshit answer from a parent, who has no direct involvement with the show, and a laughably predictable response from a man who wanted his job, is not the winning hand you all seem to think it is.

Thank you for this Nonny! I needed a post like this to reply to. There has been so much discourse lately and I miss the fandom positivity a lot. This is definitely a great read! 🤗

So, first I'll add my disclaimer:

BUDDIE IS 100% HAPPENING.

There, I said it. Feels good too. 🤗

I don't understand what on Earth that anon was talking about with the whole 'evidence to suggest otherwise'? Do tell, where is that evidence to be found.

Because from where I'm standing there is a mountain of evidence that Buddie is happening. I'm not entirely sure of the timeline, but I have never been more sure that it's happening. I've been here since 2018-2019 and for the longest of time I was certain it would always stay a fanon ship.

But then the move to ABC and all the Buddie promo happened, combined with bi-Buck. And seeing how Eddie was EVERYWHERE in Buck's bi storyline, even when he was in a 'relationship' with some other guy, Eddie was still firmly in first place.

It was soooo obvious. From the get-go so many of us have been saying that T was a plot device to start the Buddie arc. And lo and behold... look what happened! Turns out that T was indeed a plot device! We were right! Go figure!🤷‍♀️

I think Buck's realisation that he is in love with Eddie will come quite early on in 8b, since we've already seen some of his reaction when Eddie told him he's leaving for El Paso. He'll spin out of control and finally realise why.

As for Eddie? I don't know. I'm sure he's going to be in El Paso for a few episodes to confront his parents, make up with Chris and maybe find himself in the process? I really haven't a clue about the timeline here. I will all depend on how long they'll want to draw things out. Knowing Tim, this might take a while. 🫠

But ultimately, I don't care. I'm just cruising along, waiting for March so we can get this show on the road. 🙂‍↕️

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[thebroccolination]

I've got a question about kudos/comments/views on ao3 and I hope you can give me an opinion on it. What do you think of the way some writers get hundreds of kudos/comments while some other in the same fandom get ignored. Does that mean the story is bad or is it just bad fan etiquette. It's messing with my confidence as a writer.

I know I'm not good at it but seeing my kudos drop from 300 hundred when the show had just finished to a few years later when I'm lucky to get 20 kudos is really messing with my head and making want to quit writing or just keep anything I write to myself because everyone thinks it's bad. Should I just stop writing anything.

Considering the way some fics you see aren't even in character get so popular just because the person writing it is popular in the fandom feels a little unfair. That sounds so childish but I thought fandom was supposed to be supportive of all fic writers. I mean that from the point of view that to me it seems fandom only wants a select few writers and ignores everyone else even when the fandom is mostly dead and people spend the whole time on twitter complaining about the lack of fics and demanding fics to read. Meanwhile I'm still here like an idiot writing everything I can think of but getting ignored for it because I'm not one of the popular writers that fandom seems to have picked for all their twitter followers to read. I'm one of the last few writers in the fandom I'm in and I just want to quit and keep everything I write for myself.

I know I sound petty and I'm sorry for that but I know you still write and I wanted to know your thoughts on it. Also I used to read all your WinTeam fics years ago before Between Us aired. I loved them so much even though I've left that fandom.

Okay. Whew. I read this a few hours ago and I've been thinking of how to answer, because I could talk about this for hours.

First of all, you don't sound petty at all, so please don't feel any kind of negativity about yourself or how you feel. Writing can be an immensely emotional process, and presenting your heart to a blank and silent audience is a devastating feeling. I just hope I can alleviate some of it with some numbers of my own and how I've come to see the whole kudos/comments/views thing myself.

Just…forgive me for going on a bit of a tangent first.

The "why is this fic popular" phenomenon has been around at least as long as I've been in fandom. So like. Almost thirty years. Subjective taste is obviously a factor, but also, like…. Y'know how "Twilight" and romantasy spawned that joke that they're "for girlies who missed their Wattpad era"? I think sometimes people just want specific vibes regardless of the writing quality involved.

And now the rest of it:

FANDOM USED TO BE DIFFERENT

I think it's safe to say that fandom spaces have been profoundly affected by the same immediacy bias permeating so much of modern life across the globe nowadays. Fandom is people, and people live in the world, and the world is just a whole fucking lot right now. It would be shocking if fandom hadn't changed from how I knew it when I was younger. The internet used to be a hobby. Fandom used to be a hobby.

When I was a Youth, you had to find fandom spaces online. It wasn't part of The Culture the way it is now. Most people wouldn't have had any idea what fandom was. When I was in university, right before Obama was first elected, a fandom friend of mine drove to my campus to visit me and when my suitemate asked how we met, I told her, "We write porn on the internet," and my friend visibly regretted driving ten hours from Michigan to see me. I've always been a basket of horrors to my introvert friends, and I apologize to all of you. Then we had to explain to her what fandom was. To someone our age. Because fandom was a subculture where the weirdos hung out, and my suitemate had never stumbled onto those corners of the interent. None of my suitemates had, and if they did, they certainly didn't announce it the way I did.

What I'm saying is that fandom used to be a shadowy hideout in the forest where you'd meet in secret with freaks of all ages to discuss your very, extremely serious headcanons for your favorite fictional children, and most of us adhered to fandom etiquette rules like "Don't Like, Don't Read" and "Dead Dove, Don't Eat" and "Ship and Let Ship."

Now, fandom feels like a noisy hallway in a massive high school where thousands of insecure people side-eye the comics on the inside of your locker and loudly tell each other while smirking how weird it is to have comics inside your locker.

At some point (and I've seen debates about when exactly), Normies invaded fandom spaces, and Normies don't like Weirdos, so it seems to me that fandom is having a bit of an identity crisis.

I'm in my thirties, and I silently joined fandom spaces when I was nine years old. If you were a minor in fandom, you very much shut the fuck up about it and didn't announce yourself, because fandom was an Adult Community. Maybe because of this, as well as the more limited technology, fandom moved much, much slower than it does now. People consumed canon in real-time, of course, but watching/reading/experiencing something right away didn't really matter. You could still hop on the fandom train months or even years after the source canon ended and still find active fans. Honestly, most of the good fic was written after the source material ended because people had time to reflect on the source material. Read meta, have conversations with other fans, read other people's fics and take inspiration from them, etc. It was communal.

Like I said earlier today, Voltron's klance fandom is still around, and that feels like a miracle to me. Even though Voltron ended fairly recently in 2018, I remember seeing fans emotionally begging each other not to leave fandom once the show ended. I was baffled by this, but I chalked it up to younger fans who'd never been in fandom before and didn't understand that once the source canon ended, that's when fandom got good. That's when you created meta and fanwork events and all the real meat and potatoes that made fandom such an incredible community space.

But I was the one who didn't understand, because things were changing from how I'd always known them.

When I was a fandom infant in the nineties, people posted fic to Yahoo mailing groups and their own Angelfire websites. Recommendation sites were a huge thing back then, and the people who made those fic rec lists were precious contributors in any fandom. Before fanfiction.net, we found fic to read by perusing rec lists. It was communal. You needed people to find fic. Sure, you could put a pairing name in a search bar and look it up on Yahoo. Maybe you'd stumble across a fic site, but to really navigate through a fandom to find fic, you needed to follow fan-made bridges from website to website.

Now we have AO3, which was built by people for whom that was once the norm.

I say all this because my opinions about fic engagement and etiquette were formed in A Bygone Era.

Let me show you some numbers.

NUMBERS

My highest kudos'd fic is "If It's You" a "Yuri on Ice!!" fic I wrote and posted in May of 2017. It's a 14k* one-shot about Viktor trying to convince Yuuri to do a gravure photoshoot for a Japanese magazine he's become obsessed with, and it's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. I wrote it in days and threw it onto AO3 expecting a good reception, but nothing like what it's gotten. :') * I added a 2k smutty addition when it hit 2k kudos.

But there's a reason for it doing that well. It's good, sure, but a ton of those numbers are down to timing. "Yuri on Ice!!" ended on December 22nd, 2016, and I posted this fic about five months afterward, when the fandom was still extremely active and people were devouring fic and fanart and meta, etc. etc. etc. (YOI was a beautiful fandom to be part of.) However, I guarantee you that if I had posted this exact same fic in 2018, it wouldn't have reached anywhere near the same kudos, hits, or comments. I just happened to post it early enough.

And the same thing applies to every recent fandom I've been in. The earlier I post, the higher the engagement I get.

I wrote "Home Again" in a few hours back while "Not Me" was airing, and it racked up 1k kudos almost overnight. I was playing around with how Black's return could play out in canon before the show had gotten that far, and the tone of the fic is silly and fun despite the serious tone of the show.

(That same month, I posted a DanYok fic that only got 201 kudos, and since Dan was a controversial character in English-speaking fandom, I think DanYok fics didn't do as well as SeanWhite.)

Likewise, my WinTeam fics all saw their highest kudos/hit count in the two years between "Until We Meet Again" in 2020 and "Between Us" in 2022.

Here's the top eight:

"Who Am I to You" June 2020, 1.9k kudos "Win the Friendly, Win the Deadly" November 2020, 1.6k kudos "Power Play" October 2020, 1.5k kudos "You Can Cry" February 2020, 1.4k kudos "Gentle Learning Curve" July 2020, 1.3k kudos "MUSE" November 2020, 1.1k kudos "the only exception" December 2021, 1.1k kudos "Nobody's Burden" March 2022, 1k kudos

I'm not saying being early and picking a popular pairing is all there is to it (especially if in bigger fandoms), but they're massive factors in fandoms these days.

Take "MUSE": it was a long crossover fic featuring our popular darlings WinTeam, and it got massive engagement while I was writing it in 2020.

The amount of encouragement, comments, outside feedback, and theories that people brought to me while I was writing "MUSE" got me so excited to work on it, I completed it at 143k in about five months. It wasn't even a challenge to do because I was so happy to work on it. I was hurrying to finish tasks for my job and chores at home just so I could write more "MUSE." I added the interludes because I didn't want to leave this world people were enjoying as much as I was. And I knew that when I posted the next chapter, people would comment their reactions and their favorite lines and their guesses of what would happen next, and I loved the little community that built up around this work-in-progress I was increasingly proud of.

Meanwhile, my more recent crossover fic "Heart Like Gold" has had a much, much smaller reaction years later in 2024/2025. Which is understandable!!

There's nothing wrong with "Heart Like Gold" compared to "MUSE." It's mostly down to timing and fandom activity. The three fandoms included in "Heart Like Gold" (SOTUS, Be My Favorite, and Until We Meet Again/Between Us) are all pretty inactive on the English-speaking side nowadays, so any engagement is naturally going to be much lower than what I was getting while writing "MUSE" during a global pandemic for readers stuck inside depending on fic and the promise of WinTeam's series for their hope and joy.

Buuut lower engagement means lower motivation, so I've only written about 23k of "Heart Like Gold" in the year or so since I started it. That's not to say I'm not grateful for the feedback I have gotten. It just highlights the difference between what feedback and engagement can do for a writer's motivation. When "Heart Like Gold" didn't "take off," I decided to put "Heart Like Gold" on the back burner and turn more of my focus on the book I've been working on instead.

That doesn't mean I'm bitter about "Heart Like Gold" or that I'm going to give up writing it. The lack of engagement definitely contributes to a lower interest in working on it, but I do still love it, and I'm lucky enough to have readers that do leave feedback when I update, so I've given myself permission to work on it when I can muster the motivation on my own.

I had an idea for a comment carnival a few months ago, but I didn't get any reaction to it, so I've put that on the back burner as well. I need to figure out how to structure the event better and try again, because we could have so many more incredible writers doing their best work if we could just…tell them more often that they're making people happy with their work.

I only used myself as an example since I have access to my own statistics, and I thought showing how my own numbers dropped over time would show that it's happening to others, too, regardless of how many you got at first.

I don't quite know how to wrap all of this up in a comprehensive way. When I started writing and posting fics online at eleven, there were encouraging people on fanfiction.net who told me what they liked and then asked me to write more. That early foundation of expecting good things to happen when I shared my writing had a formative influence on me. I went into the fic-writing experience very young, so I easily could have encountered hate (or "flames"—when was the last time you heard that?) that would have soured me on the whole experience.

I don't know if this is viable for you, Anon, but if at all possible, try to find a small group of writers, or just one friend who loves your writing. (If you don't already have them.) It may be that you'll find your happiness in your next fandom. Maybe the next fic you write for your current fandom will be the one that earns you the happy glow of "I connected to this person through my writing."

I truly hope this helped in any way. I'm about ready to crash into bed, so I apologize if I stopped making sense toward the end. Essentially, "write for yourself" is fine and good if it's a diary, but fanfiction is communal, and you're not wrong at all to want and miss that element of it.

If you have any follow-ups or questions about incoherent things I threw in while yawning, please send me another ask. :)

[arom-antix]

Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.

I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.

Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.

My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.

You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.

Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.

To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.

I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.

If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.

I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).

If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.

I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.

[the-anon-scp-confessions]

Updates. Important: Truths and Ladders

Hello "Luigi" here, yes the original guy, we meet again. TLDR: I'm just disconnected with SCP and no longer have the spoons to run this blog or any SCP related blog.

Because I won't lie but with everything going on and the dramas that has happened. As well as anything personal I had to deal with a few times: SCP is quickly losing interest for me. It used to be so fun, so joyous! Then I got involved in the community, and while I've met some honestly great people I have also met some of the worst people ever that just soured my taste with SCP.

So with that it's getting harder to run any sort of SCP themed blog that I, sadly, cannot just passover the reigns to even if it's just to "Snippet" as here is the biggest truth: Snippet and I are the same person. I don't know why I lied -- fresh start is probably why, maybe made out of paranoia as I really fumbled the last blog.

Only a select few ever knew who I actually am, and I want it to stay that way. So no - there will not be any sort of admin reveal unless someone can up front pay me money lol (/joke).

Before I delete this blog I will tell my own personal confessions regarding SCP:

Dr. Bright as a character is still important to many, anyone who creates death threats because of that or otherwise is an honest loser and needs to go outside. As the character hurt some people? Of course! But he's been a great source of comfort to many including myself who likely had a Bright introject (that I believed at the time was this High Level Kin/ID/"IRL") who went into dormancy due to the heat of the controversies in the fandom. I miss her.

To add: Dr. Shaw isn't that bad either, I just think that the way he was going to be pushed in could have been handled better. Both characters have the right to exist.

DISCLAIMER: This does not mean I support AdminBright - no I hope that nonce fucking dies for the harm they have caused to many both by their own hands and the everlasting damage just by proxy.

A lot of you are very fucking weird about the authors. Like not in the normal "yeah we do know each other and friends" way but in the Creepy way where you obsess over every little thing they say and do and dig up old posts from YEARS back and still have the balls to claim they are bad people. Seek help.

Some of you need to learn how to communicate with each other as a lot of these dramas could have been settled without an uproar by just talking to one another.

I have more, but they are just little nick picks. Either way: Blog deletion when I feel bothered to log back into this account. I'm tired. :(

[myobsessionsspace]

maybe a tough question but hypothetically, do you think it would be the end of BTS if Jungkook and jimin ever came out as a couple?

Hypothetically speaking.

For some reason I don’t think the majority of the fandom would be accepting, sadly. 

What are your thoughts? Again, hypothetically. I really doubt they ever would. 

the travel show almost feels like a cushion? If that’s the right way to put it. Like it’s them saying, we’re close. And if upon our release from MS, you catch us out and about together or closer than ever, well, we served together, we travelled together, we are simply close.

a cover. Of sorts.

thoughts?

Hi Lovely,

If it’s ok I’d like to talk about coming out first before I talk about the hypothetical in relation to Jikook.

Coming Out

As a member of the community myself I can only speak for my own experiences, own up to my lack of experiences, refer to what I’ve learnt from others and resources and it still wouldn’t be enough. Because identity, orientation, expression etc is totally individual. Sometimes it’s constantly evolving and sometimes due to situations left dormant or stifled.

Sexual orientation for some people is not a one and done. There are many people I know that have come out with one label then have come out later one with another, then another.

I say all that to say one of the key focuses in coming out is to label yourself unambiguously.

This originally was meant to be for the person in question only.

This was meant to be so the person in question could live in their full authentic truth, to no longer have to deal with societal pressures and expectations.

To understand themselves and to have people understand them. To find a community, to be embraced and loved.

Coming out was meant to feel LIBERATING to the person in question, freeing, coming out of a box, a closet if you will.

Sadly that’s not always the case for everyone.

Sometimes it’s because of the environments they are in, that doesn’t allow for them to be fully embraced, to have that fearless freedom, to have that community. Sometimes it’s just not safe.

Not safe due to the emotional anguish that may be inflicted on the person by those closest to them, those in their everyday environment, those in their wider environment.

It may have physical safety repercussions, financial repercussions, familial and social repercussions, religious conflicts etc.

It may just not be safe because the person in question is not ready to deal with the psychological and emotional effects that may ensue after they coming out because we live in a world where the majority oppress the minority, and being queer is a minority.

No matter how progressive people may view the world to be, through the lense of the internet, in the human body, physically dealing with everything that comes with labelling yourself is a big deal.

On the flip side there are those that are fortunate that they don’t even have to come out. Or any fears aren���t actualised because they’re blessed.

There are people that have never been taught to be fearful of learning themselves, expressing themselves.

They’ve never been taught to view people and their differences in any negative way. They’ve been taught they are in a safe and loved environment that no matter what they do, how they live or who they do or don’t love

They are and will still be loved and have a place.

There are some people that when they do come out their family and or friends would be like ‘oh honey, why are you being formal about it, even the cat knew’

Even with people that have all of the above they may come out to every Tom, Dick and Harry they meet, they may come out to a select few or they might not come out at all.

Because essentially coming out is the person in questions choice. It’s their privilege, it’s their right. It’s theirs.

It’s not the requirement so others around them feel better. It’s not a job requirement, a legal requirement any requirement at all. It’s not a must to prove you’re actually queer. If someone never comes out in their whole life it doesn’t negate their queerness.

Labelling oneself is not for others. It’s for the person.

For them to define themselves if they so wish to, for them to understand themselves, to learn themselves, to appreciate and love themselves.

To find others like them, to cut down time explaining to others if they so wish to about their preferences, expression, identity and so on.

Ok so with that out of the way

Jikook

- No I don’t think the show is them coming out

- Yes I think the show is to show what we already know and what is one hard fact, that Jikook are best friends and closer than close

- Yes, I’m hoping that it helps those that do know of them and don’t, to accept their closeness as not just co-workers in a group but as a very close duo within the group

- Yes I agree with you, the fandom as a whole, if they were to undeniably be known as a romantic non-heterosexual couple, wouldn’t fully embrace them how we would believe in 2024.

Sadly one of the things that comes along with boy bands is the fan girl in varying forms. The fan girl that no matter their proximity to the boy band member, their relationship status, their age, whatever, the fan girl puts their wants, beliefs and ideals onto them. They idolise their idol. Sadly the majority boy band fans and BTS’ fans idolise them, fantasise about them. Be it with themselves or a stand in they deem suitable, a woman.

Because heteronormativity is so rooted in their thinking, they can’t see their idols as anything but. What else could they do but be successful then have the wife, kids, pets and picket fence? If not that then the idol will remain the bad boy lothario of their fantasies even grey haired and weak backed.

For too many people in the world and too many in the fandom being gay first and foremost is seen as defective. To believe that about their idol would be ‘wrong’ in their eyes. If it was to be proven true it would cause an array of negative emotions, thoughts and actions. The most tame being to leave the fandom.

I’m a very pessimistic person, though I need and seek for positivity. Thats that’s chronic that anxiety & depression baby✨

I have grown up and am surrounded by a culture similar to the SK conservative culture when it comes to nearly everything, gender roles, sexuality etc. I am a minority from a culture that legally, religiously and socially oppresses queer people. I can without the Korean male element wholeheartedly understand being closeted in SK.

I can’t however understand being a celebrity of any kind, let alone a celebrity of their magnitude.

Jikook & Labelling

We have no clue. From context clues we can assume Jimin to be bisexual, but from nothing directly and explicitly verbalised by him. Through his art, many have drawn this conclusion. There are other assumptions that have been made by some to do with his gender expression and identity. He has only ever referred to himself as a 남자 [man] any and everytime in public. Yes we have evidence of him bucking masculine stereotypes and my understanding of him is that he’s growing and defining HIS understanding of what it is to be a man and it’s not what the society he’s grown up in deems it to be. I have my own views on Jungkook and his orientation *100% mlm gay*

However not everyone feels the need to label themselves or chooses to and we have no idea when it comes to Jikook, only assumptions. So Jikook may not feel the need to come out because they may not label themselves and feel the need to make that public knowledge through official statements, interviews, on tv etc.

I can’t see this ever being Jikook, just my opinion 🙈

Like you anon I believe they’ll just keep Jikooking. I don’t believe they would if they wanted to ever come out in a public official statement type of way, they’d just live their lives and let people think whatever they wanted to think.

And if they ever did, it’d most likely be when Bangtan are no longer continuously active, seeing as they want to perform on cruises etc in their 60s, who knows when that’ll ever be.

There are some of my friends that think the same as me and some that think they’ll totally come out in a big way one day and not decades and decades in the future.

If you were able to get to the end of this you’re a real one🙌💪

A topic like this is something that I couldn’t answer in a short way. I’m not even close to being finished with what I could say, it’s so nuanced and there’s soo much more that could be talked about but this is already wordy AF 😩

Thank you anon

💜

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Major Blog Update: Inbox Cleared, Life Updates, a big thank you and More!

First of all the big one:

The deed is done...The Inbox is dead.

Long live the inbox.

To get a fresh start, I've deleted the current inbox of all my asks.

The inbox memes, the nightmares...they're finally over...

ANYWAYS, feel free to send in any request you may have as per usual, just figured I clear that damn thing finally out considering I've had asks that are three years old in there.

Right now I'm really getting into Honkai: Star Rail since Natlan kinda killed my enjoyment of Genshin, but those gals I will still love and write for (I mean, I'm sure as heck not changing the blog url) so don't feel discouraged if you came to this blog because of my Genshin content. And of course my other fandoms are still good to rock and roll!

One last thing before the cut:

I want to thank EVERY ONE of you for following this blog and sticking around with my goofy ah for so long.

I genuinely get excited to read any message or request you put under my posts or inbox, whether it be feedback or joking around! And I know we have the memes going on about me being drowned, please know I do genuinely take the time to look at every single one that comes in everyday, even if I didn't say anything or respond. And it means the world to me that ya'll like my writing enough to continue asking of me.

You all are the reason I even put the effort I do in this blog for so many years, from my newer followers to those who have followed me since my first blog. I could not ask for a better group than ya'll.

From the bottom of my heart, thanks, and let's have a great year together!

ANYWHO: For those who care enough, this is what's been going on with me for the last few months.

Work:

As for why I've been absent for a while: simply put because I work a retail job. Thankfully nothing too bad, it's just normal scheduling and it IS work I very much enjoy and get paid relatively well. My love for writing is still very strong as is my simping, so no worries, I don't plan on going anywhere.

I DO greatly apologize for making everyone wait for literally ANYTHING, doubly so if you had an ask I didn't get to yet. I wanted to honestly save everything into my drafts, but alas I could only choose some select ones.

You're more than welcome to send it back in, and since things have calmed down I SHOULD be getting to them a lot faster.

Genshin:

In regards to what I said earlier about Genshin: Natlan kind of killed any enjoyment I had playing, characters were REALLY unappealing to me, it made my friends stop playing so therefore I stopped as well as that was the major reason I still had it installed. I don't really plan on adding anyone from Natlan or anyone else from that game in the future, so apologies if you were looking forward to that from me specifically.

Star Rail has been filling the hole in my heart and honestly? I have a lot more writing freedom writing the gals from there, but again, don't feel afraid to send me any genshin request! I still simp for my Mondstadt women after all.

Other things I've been doing/Ideas for the blog:

I've also been playing games (and getting distracted) with my irl friends and trying to catch up on my hobbies to prevent myself from burning out, Minecraft has been a big thing lately for me again: specifically Pixelmon LMAO.

For 2025 though, I plan to at least post an imagine once a week starting next week since things are still settling down and I have to get my work schedule.

I might also start posting (Eventually) my personal writing projects here to get feedback and possibly go to AO3 to post my crossover series since Tumblr isn't really the place to be doing so (Chief among them my FE3H AU: House Isekai), or if demand is high enough I'll post it here.

Oh, and with this major update I have once again updated my banner, not that it's really important, just that I put a good amount of effort in it, more than you'd think for how simple it is. I also want to see if anyone even gets my reference LMAO

Once this post goes live, I plan to add a few new characters, starting with the Commander from Girls' Frontline but we'll see how it goes.

I think that's all I got for right now, so see ya soon guys!

- Chris