#because of what people think of not clearly fitting into the physical characteristics of one sex

[shrews-things]

Re. last reblog, this whole issue pisses me off so much and like, if people were more normal about intersex bodies, I think *everyone* would be less ashamed of their bodies

[xiii-e]

//Sucker\\

Fellow clone here.

I know how hard it is to fight your conditioning. (hell, I still am) But you have to do it.

there is nothing that makes you anything less than anyone else.

you can't let them saying otherwise stick.

@callsign-sucker

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

XIII▸ ... hello again, Caleb. You sound like Helios, did you know? You believe what you're saying, I know that. I hear it whenever he talks, and I see the way your words echo with that conviction. I- in some ways, I am trying. That I am even speaking to you about this exemplifies some of that. I am trying.

XIII▸ I am- hell I'm not even entirely opposed to what you've stated. I cannot contradict higher command, as I was not designed to but that doesn't mean I think they have made good decisions. It... just means I can't tell them that. I haven't been told otherwise, yet. The Armory creates and perpetuates most of its problems, especially the one I was designed to solve. I was created for harm reduction and field repairs. I would not be needed, were it not for the endless expansion of Purview space.

XIII▸ But that is exactly why I must remain where I am. Do you understand me? Do you hear me?

XIII▸ I am a soldier, in many ways, but before I am anything I am a medic. I was designed to be devoid of many key human characteristics for a simple reason; I am designed to replace a fallible human component of the war machine. Well trained medics will always need time away from the front to recover, because of the psychological toll this work takes on anyone with a fully developed sense of personhood. Hence... hence why I am necessary. To fill the gap, left by mandatory leave. Because I am nothing else, I am able to remain at full functionality unless physically damaged beyond acceptable parameters. I exist to save people who have lives, something I can only do because I do not.

XIII▸ I do, fully believe you are worth protecting Caleb. That you are a person is undeniable fact based on observational factors. This is true of Helios-8 as well, despite how others will often address him. I do not believe that clones, flash-created or otherwise, are fundamentally incapable of developing personhood... but I am not. I cannot. That functionality was removed from me, because it had to be, for me to do what I was created for. This work, the work of saving lives and nothing else, would break a person; thus I cannot be capable of being one.

XIII▸ ... there are other reasons, as well. Other happenings that have hollowed this body of anything resembling a soul. But they are not important in the face of what is expected of me; I am the only reason a great many soldiers go home, and these are people who have a home to go back to! I don't. I'm already home, out there.

XIII▸ I-

XIII▸I've said too much, already. I apologise, Caleb I- all I meant to say, is I appreciate the sentiment. I even agree, to some extent. I think you should continue to challenge your programming, as it has clearly resulted in an improvement in quality of life for you. But I... I cannot be like you. I'm sorry.

XIII▸ ...I need to get back to work, soon. My skin feels like it doesn't fit right.

[ XIII-E ]

//

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

Personifications of Dream SMP Factions

Okay so I came up with this idea during my exams. (Exams always do something to my brain lol) I was thinking about Pandora's Vault as a hot butch, then I remembered this fic about L'Manberg personified, plus this fic about personified countries, and it somehow spiraled into this.

(This is all based on personal interpretation & recollection of DSMP lore, please don't come at me for getting things wrong!)

The rest of the post is under the cut:

I gave all the factions it/its pronouns, since they're manifestations of, well, factions. I think they would have other preferred pronouns though, mostly related to the faction's characteristics.

(For instance, Snowchester uses he/him pronouns because Tubbo and Ranboo are so close & act almost like one entity.(I know, I know, c!Ranboo uses they/them pronouns too, but idk I thought this fit...) On the other hand, Manberg uses he/him pronouns because it's a dictatorship and Schlatt operates the country as the sole mastermind behind it all. Pandora's Vault uses she/her pronouns because Pandora deserves to be a butch because while Sam is its warden, Pandora is, at it's core, different from what Sam himself strives to achieve.)

Plus, all factions have an inherent love for its' members/citizens, since any faction is a collective of its people. Except Pandora, bc y'know, she's a literal prison.

Also!!! every name mentioned is c!, not cc!.

-

L'Manberg- (it/they/he/she) Dressed in L'Manberg soldier attire. Looks like a mix of all the L'Manbergians. Hair is auburn, kinda curly, and wears red-and-blue tinted sunglasses. Has fox ears(?), braces, is boisterous and kinda overdramatic. Enjoys growing flowers, beekeeping, and baking. Follows the L'Manbergians around, Wilbur and Tommy the most. Pretty young, but gets older and more serious as the war drags on. Manifested in the drug van.

Pogtopia- (it/he/they/she) L'Manberg's other form. Hair is darker now(more like Wilbur's than a mix of everyone's), has eyebags, sunglasses are gone, and dresses darker. Looks like Wilbur mostly now, but near-exclusively follows Tommy around like he's a lifeline. Is not manic like Wilbur, despite looking a lot like him now, and recognizes how far-gone Wilbur is. It tries very hard to cheer up the rest of the Pogtopia people.

L'Manberg(new)- (it/they/he/she) Dresses in red, blue, yellow, black and white again(not the soldier attire, but the flag design is incorporated into its clothes), is scarred all over and sadder. Hair is blond now. Tried to follow Tommy to exile but Tubbo stopped it. Cries every day & grows weaker.

L'Manberg(post-doomsday)- (it/they/he/she) A ghost. Invisible to most now, new members of the SMP can't see it unless they're told about L'Manberg. And even then, it's very hard to see or recognize them. Tommy sees him clearly though, and she still follows Tommy everywhere. Even more scarred and wounded now. Sad and quiet.

Manberg- (it/he) Wears a suit, has ram horns, and face is completely featureless, no eyes or nose or mouth. Has dark, slicked back hair. Follows Schlatt around silently. Usually follows Schlatt's orders without complaint, but absolutely refuses to hurt anyone, even at the expense of being hurt itself by Schlatt. Tried to stop Tubbo's execution and ended up being blown up as well. Didn't die(since Manberg was still intact) but his featureless face gained a huge scar like Tubbo's. This scar stayed even after Tubbo went to Pogtopia. Exact age is difficult to determine, but is physically quite small.

the Butcher Army- (it/they) Dresses in black clothes with the Butcher Army standard bloody apron. Face is shaded and unremarkable, just one face in a crowd. Doesn't speak much, and when they do, it's just general Butcher Army stuff like how they're trying to bring Technoblade to justice, or whatever. Doesn't seem to have much personality.

Snowchester- (it/he) Young, younger than L'Manberg was. Looks a little like it too. Has snowy gray hair(a mix of Ranboo's black and white), goat horns like Tubbo, and is missing an eye like Michael. The other eye is wintery green. Dresses in snow clothes, a black-and-white bomber jacket and a pale green-blue dress shirt with a tie underneath. Is quiet, has a shy smile like Ranboo, and is generally quite innocent like Michael. He likes pranks and chaos too though, like Tubbo. It's a peaceful little thing, but if you somehow get him angry its eye will turn purple and his body will start giving off a pale, eery green glow like radioactivity.

Kinoko Kingdom- (it/she) Looks like her namesake, Komori Kinoko from My Hero Academia. (Specifically, Komori's powered-up version with the chubbier cheeks and visible eyes, not her normal, emo version.) Wears light flowy clothes in earthy colors, soft purples and blues and ruddy browns and greens. Loves taking naps in the sunshine, reading old books, and exploring the Kingdom. Tiny mushrooms sprout wherever it walks, which is usually just inside the borders of the Kingdom. She never really goes far beyond that. Also likes training & sparring, though it tends to be relaxed about it, treating it more as a sport than anything else. She's usually sweet and kind, but also a tad chaotic. Bit forgetful. Looks somewhere in its twenties.

Las Nevadas- (it/he) Also looks somewhere in its twenties, though it looks a bit younger than Kinoko. Gelled-back jet-black hair, classy dark green beanie(beanie like Q, green like Slime, dark bc Classy™️). Dress shirt, tie, suspenders. Lots of gold accessories. Has a few purple freckles on its face, and orange highlights in his hair. Maybe green creeper markings? Give the boi some neon splashes. Acts slick and confident(and kinda manipulative) like a businessman with outsiders, but is super nice and sorta anxious when he's only with his members. Cares way too much about its citizens, even though it knows Purpled doesn't like him. Low self-esteem. Usually follows Quackity. Q flaunts its existence to people & is genuinely very proud of his country, but is also slightly unnerved by his knowledge of Nevadas's real personality. He knows personified factions reflect its people and the ideals it stands for, but he isn't entirely sure what Nevadas's nervous, slightly obsessive disposition is implying. Also, Nevadas has a crush on Kinoko. Kinoko is a bit confused, but thinks Nevadas is cute, so she might as well go along with it. Nevadas puts on a suave & slick act with Kinoko, though Kinoko can see right through it. She thinks he's sweet and silly, and also maybe a little lonely. Q doesn't approve of them flirting so much, and tells Nevadas to stop visiting Kinoko all the time. Not that Nevadas listens.

the Eggpire- (it/they/he/w̴͚̮͒̇̓e̴̺̬͉̅̋) Demon with red skin, white glowing eyes, two huge horns of red diamond sprouting from its head, and flowing robes. Has a missing arm, torn-up fairy wings, a red gold medallion, and a cat tail. Looks like a child, but you can tell it only looks like one. Unnerving smile with sharp predatory teeth(also red), sweet & melodious voice, silver-tongued and manipulative. Upon closer inspection, you can see that their entire body, clothes and all, is made of writhing, pulsing red vines.

the Syndicate- (it/she/they) Nicknamed Syndi by her members. Electric pink hair with a black-and-white half-and-half streak, tied in a short, tiny braid down one shoulder. Large black angel wings and enderman horns(one black, one white). Wears fingerless gloves, the opposite color of the horn on that side. Blood-red eyes. Anarchist, obviously. Snarky and deadpan, but smiles a lot too, and is generally quite a warm and kind person. Is nimble & fast on their feet, and is a quick thinker. A wise scholar and fearsome warrior, a sharp-eyed strategist. Enjoys reading, baking, and dancing with its members. Looks like a young adult. +Also, I haven't decided whether the faction personification thing is a general occurrence or strictly a DSMP thing, but if it's a general thing, Syndi is best friends(and possibly in a QPR) with the Antarctic Empire(it/he, fully-grown adult, nicknamed Antares, AE emperor attire, blue-and-white bucket hat with a wider brim than Phil's, thin and pointy white gold crown, snowy-white longish hair with ice-blue eyes, one emerald earring, giant white wings and piglin hooves, loves the thrill of battle, enjoys reading & woodcarving, makes lots of deadpan jokes, would like to just retire already please and thank you).

Pandora's Vault- (it/she) Ah yes, the one who started this whole ordeal. Despite me imagining Pandora as a hot butch at the start, I changed Pandora to be a teenager! Albeit a butch & pretty teenager. Looks like a creeper mostly, like Awesamdude, but her torso is made of crisscrossing obsidian bars that resemble a prison or a really messed up ribcage. Usually wears enchanted golden armor on top of it though. Has long hair that looks like dark curling smoke with lava-like streaks running through it, and a gold head guard that kinda looks like a tiara. Has a gold gas mask too. Stickler for the rules, as expected of it, and scarily efficient with weaponry. She seems stoic and fierce on the outside, all rigid ideals and indifferent cruelty, but it's actually really desperate for peace and order. Would go to extreme lengths to enforce order. Dislikes Dream and Technoblade. Also doesn't like Ponk. While Sam feels guilty about what he did to Ponk, Pandora is quite vocal about her opinion that Ponk had it coming to them. Is uncomfortable with opening the prison cell for Quackity, but thinks it's for the greater good that he gets the Revive Book away from Dream. Not many hobbies, it spends most of its free time patrolling/guarding the Vault. She does like inventing though, usually things to improve the efficiency of the prison. Sam was surprised when she appeared, since he didn't think Pandora counted as a faction. He still treats it like a daughter though. She's daddy's little girl.

Greater Dream SMP- (it/they/he) A child. Really. It looked like Dream at first(at least, people assumed that was what Dream looked like behind the mask), with straw-blond hair, bright green eyes, and pale freckles. It gained new features every time a new person joined the server. When they grew up, they grew up suddenly, aging in shocking speed during the L'Manberg War. He settled as a sad, serious adult with a haunted look in his eyes. It stopped following Dream after he went further and further off the deep end, choosing to wander the land instead- keeping well away from L'Manberg(and later, other countries) of course. Slowly loses the features they got from people who abandoned the Greater Dream SMP to create their own country/faction. Eventually people stop seeing him and think he's disappeared, but he's still there, just lurking. It looks unremarkable now, with next to no distinctive features. They hang out with Eret in her palace and museum(they love the museum), visits multiple factionless members of the SMP, and greets/sends off Aimsey on their little pit stop in the server. When the server loops & resets, he resets alongside with it, and returns to his original form. It kept all it's memories, but it never says anything, choosing instead to give its people a fresh start, with a blank slate.

-

I probably missed a few factions, but this is all I could think of haha.

Also I accidentally posted this as a draft a few days ago, panicked, and privated the post in record time. This is a repost😅

[saintsenara]

do you have any thoughts on ron/luna?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i always really struggle with luna-related ships because i'm really not a fan of fanon!luna - whose odd beliefs aren't conspiracy theories but reality the sheeple who surround her haven't got the clarity of mind to grasp. i like her in the vein - to borrow a phrase from @whinlatter - of a bug-eyed golden retriever who thinks jet fuel can't melt steel beams, rather than as a cool-girl clairvoyant who is ethereally beautiful [especially if it's being claimed she's ethereally beautiful because she's related to the malfoys...]

this is not to say that i don't recognise that luna canonically has lots of really admirable characteristics - she's resilient, brave, loyal, hopeful, and kind [her giving harry the strength to cast his patronus during the battle of hogwarts by reminding him that people are still fighting - my queen!] - it's just that i like these to exist in conjunction with the fact that she's also stubborn, intellectually inflexible, interpersonally offputting, and really quite naive.

and this is the reason for the thing i'm really quite certain of when it comes to pairing luna with people - that she works most interestingly with a condescending older man who has the inclination to "mould" her...

ron doesn't quite fit that archetype - his canonical vibe with hermione is that he's not interested in "improving" his partner, he's happy to go with the flow - but he does have quite an interesting overlap with it in his canon relationship with luna.

because ron is clearly fond of luna - i find him being a combination of baffled and pleased by her finding his impression of goyle so funny in order of the phoenix really quite sweet - but his fondness definitely has the vibe of someone being fond of their friend's precocious toddler. it's nice eye-rolling and trying-not-to-laugh, but it is nonetheless still both of those things...

which is to say that i think there's potential for something along the lines of ron's relationship with lavender in runa [although for a ship name i'm really taken with the early 2000s version - redmoon]. that is - ron's interest being purely physical [as much as i doubt that ron - who is canonically quite picky, physically - would be attracted to luna; this doesn't matter in fanfiction] and him being intellectually checked out the entire time.

i think luna would be less amenable to putting up with this than lavender [by which i mean that i think she'd actually say to ron that he was treating her poorly], but i'm not sure i see that resolving into anything genuinely fulfilling for either.

[although i do think that something very interesting can be done with ron and luna's experiences of family life - either prior to deathly hallows, when you have the fact that ron comes from a happy home and luna comes from one in which it's clear that xenophilius struggles to provide her with the care and support she needs (the line in deathly hallows about luna looking much better cared for in the photograph harry sees of her with her mother always stands out to me), or post-war, when they both share an intimate knowledge of what it's like to have your family ruptured by grief and loss.]

[tobiasdrake]

Rating Danganronpa 2 Characters on the Fight Me, Bruh Scale

And now for the other chart. Following up on this one I made for DR1, let's see how DR2's characters measure up on a scale of how confident I am that I could beat them in a fight. Starting from most to least confident.

Teruteru Hanamura He stops fighting to make a sensual comment about how sexy my foot is as I'm punting him across the room. I win the fight easily but I feel gross about it for the rest of the day, so who really won here?

Kazuichi Soda Kazuichi doesn't have a fighter's instinct in him. He's going to flinch away from the first punch I throw and that will be the end of the fight. Unless Sonia's nearby. Then he's going to do something incredibly stupid to try and impress her, and give me plenty of openings. Either way, Kazuichi goes down like a chump. He's better with a wrench than a punch.

Hiyoko Saionji Hiyoko is all bark, no bite. Like all bullies, she's forced to pick on people weaker than her. Her favorite hobby is stomping on bugs because they can't fight back. Even taking into account that we're talking full-grown Hiyoko and not Simulation Hiyoko, I don't imagine her putting up much of a fight.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu I feel pretty good about my chances of punting this little shrimp so long as he's not carrying a knife on him. But he's yakuza. He's definitely carrying a knife on him. Also his bodyguard would dice me before I got within ten feet of him. I can win this fight only under very controlled circumstances.

Chiaki Nanami She seems harmless but I'm about 50% certain that she can perform the Satsui No Hado if I piss her off so it's probably best I don't take my chances. Plus she's an emotional therapybot so it's more likely that we wind up exploring the deep-seated emotional trauma pushing me to fight than actually fighting.

Mikan Tsumiki Mikan's more dangerous than you might think. She has a strong understanding of anatomy which means she knows exactly what nerves to sever and might have a knife on her for self-defense. However, she's just as likely to trip and accidentally fall into a compromising position, abruptly ending the fight in a fit of embarrassing uncomfortableness. So, yes, I think my best chance of winning this fight is an embarrassing anime pratfall.

Ultimate Imposter A lot is going to depend on who he's impersonating but you know this cheeky bastard's going to show up to the fight as me, right? But I'm a narcissist so I don't know if I can beat up me. I might wind up holding back reflexively, and that's going to give him all kinds of openings.

Hajime Hinata Assuming he's not rocking his Izuru Kamukura powers, you might think Hajime's a pushover like the aggressively non-violent Makoto. You'd be mistaken. According to Nekomaru, he's got the spirit of a rugby player in him. His training regimen consists of 500 laps around the island, 1,000 push-ups, 1,000 situps, and a 36 mile swim - with Nekomaru's sensual massages to keep him going.

He may not look it, but Hajime's got the footwork and the power of an incredible pro athlete, and he will mess me up.

Sonia Nevermind Like Mikan, she looks harmless but you are a fool to mistake her for it. Sonia has undergone extensive military training which means she's an expert in CQC. I don't think she carries a knife on her, but she is on good terms with the Four Dark Devas of Destruction so there's a non-zero chance I wind up having my ears chewed off by hamsters while she kindly prepares tea.

Ibuki Mioda She has no clearly defined characteristics as a fighter but she's manic and unpredictable. Her natural default state is "Just downed six energy drinks and now I'm so wired that I can see time". She's three punches ahead before I even know what the fuck just came out of her mouth. There's no coming out on top of this.

Nekomaru Nidai Physically the strongest fighter on the island, Nekomaru is the Sakura Ogami of DR2. Tougher fighters than me have tried and failed.

Akane Owari Speaking of which. This might be a surprising placement, ranking Akane above Nekomaru. But I have my reasons for that. Nekomaru is demonstrably a stronger fighter than Akane, but as long as this isn't a deathmatch, he's got a sense of sportsmanship about it. He's going to try and bring out the best in me, and he may hold back to attempt to tutor me. He might give me openings that could let me gain the upper hand from time to time.

Akane isn't trying to push me to excel. She's fighting to win. She's going balls to the wall from the word go, and she will eviscerate me.

Peko Pekoyama Are you joking? Are you actually joking right now? Literally her Talent, the thing Hope's Peak accredited her for, is how good she is at killing suckers like me with a deadly weapon? Hahaha nope. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha.

Gundham Tanaka It would be humiliating to lose a fight to this dork. What, he's going to leave me writhing on the ground from a thousand furry hamster bites while the Supreme Overlord of Ice delivers his D&D nerd speech? Yes. Yes, he is. That is exactly what is going to happen, and my pride as a fighter will never recover.

Nagito Komaeda "Nagito's going to be an easy fight because he'll lose on purpose." No, you fool! You misunderstand the nature of Nagito. A far more dangerous man than anyone realizes, especially himself. Nagito will try to throw the fight. And he will fail. I don't want to find out what that looks like from my perspective.

Mahiru Koizumi There is not actually a way to throw a punch at Mahiru without coming across like a violent bastard beating up a defenseless young woman. A fact that she will point out the moment the fight begins, successfully shaming me into putting down my fists and walking away. This is not her fight to win; Only mine to lose, and lose it I do from the moment I even try to start one.

[ciaossu-imagines]

So, with the fandoms not requested for the AU event, I kind of divided the AU’s and the fandoms as I wanted to. And since I thought it would be kind of fun to kind of sort characters in a different way from a fandom I really love (and have recently rewatched all the movies of), I decided to write a Percy Jackson AU with The Mighty Ducks characters, just sort of figuring out which cabin and which God/dess they’d have as their parent!

Starting off with the obvious place to start, Cabin One. That cabin has only one occupant, the sole child of Zeus at Camp Half-Blood. That child is Charlie Conway because honestly, I do believe that’s the one that best fits Charlie. Children of Zeus are known to be natural leaders with strength and bravery, though they tend to attract a lot of monsters. We see, all throughout the three movies, that Charlie really is not only a natural leader, but a really solid leader that can manage, at the best of times, to truly inspire those around him but even at the worst of times, can still make people pay attention to what he’s saying. He’s also shown bravery several times through the movies, even though he does get targeted for a lot of crap and general growing pains, much like children of Zeus are magnets for trouble (like monsters).

We���ll skip right over Cabin Two, since Hera had no mortal children, and move onto Cabin Three, Poseidon’s cabin. Much like Zeus’s cabin, there’s only one occupant in Poseidon’s cabin, Ken Wu. Ken as a son of Poseidon makes sense to me, with the children of that God really being known for cleverness and battle skills, like Percy in the books or Theseus in the myths. And I feel like there’s quite a few hints throughout the movies that Ken is actually quite good at strategizing, at figuring out plays and moves that will work so translating that over, I feel it fully fits cleverness. While he’s small and was scared at first, Ken also was shown to not only learn how to throw down but to embrace those chances to fight, fulfilling the other big quality for Poseidon’s children.

We’re going to skip Cabin Four, since Demeter doesn’t have a child among this lot, and move right onto Cabin Five, Are’s cabin. There are two sons of Ares in this cabin. First off is the obvious one, Dean Portman. Portman’s shown right from the start in D2 as brash and kind of a goon. He likes fighting, he kind of gets a kick out of people finding him scary. He’s shown to be incredibly brave and protective of those he cares about, but prone to violence and anger. The second son of Ares, despite his small size compared to his other siblings, is Peter Mark. Much like Portman, Peter’s brash, rough and tumble. He’s harsh, with a big attitude and a short fuse. Again, much like Portman, Peter’s not afraid to speak up or to do what needs to be done, showing a sense of bravery characteristic of all of Are’s children, but out of the two of them, Peter is the one who is prouder of his reputation for anger and violence and the one more likely to pick fights just because he can.

Moving right along to Cabin Six, Athena’s cabin. There are two children of Athena in the cabin, both very different people…but both share the characteristic’s of Athena’s children – very intelligent, eager for knowledge, great planners who give solid advice and who aren’t above using tricks to get what they want. The first one is pretty easy to guess. It’s shown in the movies quite clearly that out of all the Ducks, Julie Gaffney is very serious about her studies. She genuinely wants to learn and takes grades and academics seriously. She’s quick-witted and book smart, with a cool head on her shoulders. However, like all other children of Athena, she’s also not afraid to ‘go to battle’ and will fight, physically and mentally, for whatever causes she believes are just. The second child of Athena is one that I don’t think many would assume would be put in this cabin – Russ Tyler. Much like Julie, Russ is an extremely intelligent fellow. He was shown in D2 to have street smarts and a cool head, a quick wit, and an ability to plan for what he wants. In D3, it’s shown that on top of that, Russ actually does care a lot about his academics, that he’s serious about learning and getting every advantage he can get. It’s also shown in that movie that he’s really good at giving solid, dependable advice, as he’s actually really clever and observant and is good at figuring out solutions or advising as to the best course of action.

We’ll skip Cabin Seven and Eight, as there are no children of Apollo among this group and Artemis is an eternal maiden. So, the next cabin we focus on is Cabin Nine, Hephaestus’ Cabin. Children of Hephaestus are great craftsmen, strong individuals who can be a little gruff and intimidating, but are strong, well liked and respectable. There are two children of Hephaestus in this cabin. I’m starting off with the slightly unexpected. I firmly do believe that Connie is a daughter of Hephaestus. I have it pretty firmly in my head that Connie is someone who loves hands-on work. She wants to get dirty; she wants to work with her hands and build and create. She loves crafting, yeah, but she’s also someone who would totally be up for helping with renovations on a house, for example. She’s shown throughout the movies to actually be really strong, to the point where Averman calls her the Velvet Hammer. However, she’s also very friendly and charming, and seems to be well-liked by almost everyone who meets her. The other camper is Fulton Reed. Big, solid, and strong, Fulton embodies everything that a son of Hephaestus should be. I also have always headcanoned him as being really good with his hands. Book learning has never really been up his alley, but he’s surprisingly creative and a quick learner when it comes to working with his hands and various tools. The weapons he makes are highly sought after in the camp and he’s notorious for being unbeatable in Capture the Flag if he’s wielding one of his own weapons. But on top of just that strength and creativity, Fulton’s been shown to be a really generous, respectable guy, right from the very first movie. While he might resort to violence a little too easily, he’s always the first to stick up for the little guy, to put his neck on the line for them. Protective and genuinely good-hearted, I think that, like Julie, Fulton’s kind of someone that other people just like and look up to a little.

We’re onto Cabin Ten, Aphrodite’s cabin. Surprisingly, it’s not that full, with only two campers. Tammy Duncan is, to me, most definitely a daughter of Aphrodite. She’s a huge girly girl, someone who loves make-up, skincare, beauty routines, all things feminine and cutesy. She lives for silly gossip and drama, as well as talk about romance and who likes who. However, while her pretty face and love for all those things would lead most to just dismiss her as a shallow, vapid girl, Tammy’s a lot more than just a pretty face. She’s not afraid to break a nail punching someone who angers her; she’s also got surprisingly hidden depths as the Camp’s best chariot racer. The other camper, Luis Mendoza, is a son of Aphrodite with all that that brings. People who meet Luis find it hard not to comment on what a good-looking boy he is, but he’s a good-looking boy who comes across a little bit…vapid. Like there’s not a lot going on up there. Don’t be fooled though – while he’s charming and more than a little bit of a Casanova (what can he say…he’s truly in love with love itself, as befitting his parentage), Luis has a lot more going on in that head than he lets on. An extremely observant person, he’s quick to learn other people, to figure out what makes them tick, what makes them happy, what buttons to push to get them to give him his way. However, he doesn’t often use that talent of his for anything negative, honestly. While he can be a little manipulative, there’s really not a bad or mean-hearted bone in this boy’s body.

Cabin Eleven is, as always, the fullest. The cabin is always busy, and its residents normally are too, being adventurous, clever, fun-loving, just a little hectic, and delighting in pranks and general merriment. Lester Averman is definitely the most well-known of Hermes children and he’s the Counselor of the cabin. While Averman might not be the most handsome, the strongest, the bravest, or the most talented, he is extremely clever. Quick-witted and very sociable, Averman is oddly charming and impossible to dislike. His mischievous nature and wise-cracking mouth can get him into some trouble at times, but he can almost always talk himself out of it, getting the other guy laughing along with him instead of beating him up. I also see Tommy Duncan as one of those rare cases where siblings don’t necessarily share the same godly parent, as I would put Tommy, whose main priority is having fun and keeping people happy, as a child of Hermes. Lastly, there’s Dwayne Robertson. Quirky and charming, with a ready smile and laugh, Dwayne can charm the pants off of you. And he’s got quick, agile hands…hands that are normally full of stuff that he really shouldn’t have been able to get ahold of. His natural ability as a thief is rarely ever put to serious use though as, while a little bit of a showboat and a little gregarious, Dwayne actually has a strong moral compass and very defined ideas of right and wrong.

I do think that, while the only occupant of Cabin Twelve, there’s no other place for Goldberg. This boy is undeniably a son of Dionysus. Like his father, Goldberg’s actually really good with plants…and even more to the point, I really do feel that no matter his age, with his sociable nature and fun-loving attitude, Goldberg has a tendency to be a bit of a party animal. An extrovert to the extreme, he needs those large gatherings, he needs those get-togethers, he needs the excess and the fun and the high of being the center of attention, of being the ‘good time guy’.

Next up is Nemesis’ cabin, Cabin Sixteen. In a weird twist on how mortals and Gods normally end up dating, Nemesis actually stayed with the mortal long enough to have two of his children, about a year apart. Both Jesse and Terry Hall are children of Nemesis. They both have chips on their shoulders, and are both quick to remember any insults, real or imagined. They have tough attitudes and have no problem getting revenge, but at the same time, they have very strict ideas about right and wrong, and they aren’t actively bad people. They believe in balance and think that it’s not okay for anyone, even themselves, to get a big head. If people do, of course they should bring that person’s ego back down to the correct side. That being said – Terry and Jesse? Excellent guys to have on your side because, while their caustic words may sting sometimes, they are actually really loyal to those they care about and make the best allies.

Moving to another cabin with only one camper in it. Cabin Seventeen, Nike’s cabin, is occupied solely by Adam Banks. Nike is the Goddess of victory and victory is always what Adam is after. Like most of Nike’s children, Adam has a real competitive streak to him. If he’s going to play, he wants to play to win, he wants to give it his all against opponents who are also giving it their all and he wants to come out on top. Losing is not something he handles easily, and he’ll often push himself to rather extreme limits. Adam has the drive, the determination, and is so willing to put in the hard work but sometimes he forgets that it’s okay to relax as well.

[shadowshape]

it is time.

***

so: here’s what we are doing.

i have been saying for some time now that i need to share my work. the desire has reached its peak tonight. sexy!

i am a slow mover by nature. my first tooth didn’t creep up until my second year. this fact was repeated often by my parents. with “we had to mush her birthday cake because she had no teeth!” i didn’t know truly how funny this fact is until i worked in the infant classroom at a childcare center. they all have fucking teeth before one.

silly story turns kernel of truth, a clear example of a Molly’s Core Characteristics. my body makes rhythms entirely its own. we (me and my body, us funny inseparable forces) are moving slowly into new life, with rhythms odd and forced, and maybe at other times with clarity, or layering over the same time as all of those with ease. our favorite music, lately, has been people using instruments that are items not normally used as instruments. you know, cans milk jugs bottles glasses. purely sporadic, tiny dinks in the atmosphere that just somehow are close enough in space for you to hear, and that are incredibly pleasing to the ear, chords reaching the deep recesses of your brain and triggering systems to awaken the tips of your physical form.

i have known for a while that i needed space and a container. something was calling to me from the next room over, and i couldn’t fully grasp what was being said. it was clearly important, like when a young child babbles at you with the most intense eye contact, and you know something very sincere was just communicated but you really have no actual idea what it was. its mumbling began to take shape as the idea of publishing, of more public viewing, of simply wanting to be perceived. then it got words and said, “start a blog” lol.

but what tends to happen as this mysterious being calls to me, beckons me nearer, is this: i stop myself from a lot of good writing and i think this is because i am worried about sounding “right.” i worry that i am overly wordy, or unclear, and actually what is worse than both of those is uncertain. clarity doesn’t arrive through prescription but rather, an ability to get to the essence of the thing. maybe it takes me a lot some days, little other days. it is what it is.

it is what it is it is what it is it is what it is. sexy!

i learned, recently, through allowing myself the pleasure of writing poetry in the exact way my brain wants to sputter out its little thoughts: commas go where they need to go, and if you follow the strict rules of punctuation and grammar, you might be able to reach many, but you also may keep yourself from connecting with another great many. and, ultimately, from yourself! and who do i want to connect with? myself. and people who do not understand my natural mode of speech? no — try people who say, “i never thought of it that way…”. sure, it would be fun to reach the people who don’t get me too. nothing quite like being understood. but at this point, i am far more concerned with people ready to explore than folks who are pushing me to fit into their containers of what is truth, for them.

fear used to have so much presence in my writing. not only in content, it also was a clear running stream behind each symbol on the page (or computer screen or what have you). each decision was tactful and full of emotion in a way that was not fun. like finding yourself shoeless on a muddy hiking trail in the desert, where you think you could just be stepping in mud but there are so many cactuses around, you could also be stepping on so many different sharp pointy things. you’re looking down at your toes in the mud and asking, am i sounding right? will you understand me if i tell this in the wrong order? will i be able to make money and a career out of this garbage, my little kingdom of junk and ruin?

funny, a past Molly would have typed the words “garbage, my little kingdom of junk and ruin” and felt shame, maybe pity for my own shamefulness. i now write those words with pride. this is my mind palace, you are my guest, and if i have trash everywhere, well, you don’t have to like it! sexy!!!

i think where i would want to sum this all up, and i very much want to do so, as i keep toiling my way through re-reads making sure i accomplished my goal of “finding the essence,” is that here i am! and here you find yourself. let’s party :-)

***

when you’re reading this, this is who you are and who i am. your hand is holding my soft little head. be cool about it!

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Barrier To Entry

Dear Future Husband,

I went to a wedding recently and the bride's mom and sister are convinced they know the perfect guy for me. 

But it’s not you. 

Let’s call him... NotMyPrince. 

So, the bride's mom tried pointing out NotMyPrince to me at the vort* but he was taking care of something in another room and based on her description of him I was sure I'd passed him in the hall and... he's just not my type. Physically at least.

I tried to brush it off like ��oh, I’m sure I’ll see him around sometime” and since I was helping the bride with some stuff, I was able to ‘not happen to be around’ wherever he was until the end of the vort. I thought maybe that’d be the end of it, but that’s not how my life goes. 

So at the wedding, I was sitting with MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis when the bride's mom came over and we were all schmoozing and she mentioned NotMyPrince again. She was like “he's around here somewhere, I'll point him out if I see him.” And then he literally walked over like a minute later to say goodbye because he was leaving a little early.

And wouldn't you know, it's exactly the guy I thought it was.

And I’m probably the shallowest person on the planet but I just don't find him attractive. (That’s how I know it’s not you, Future Husband, if you even exist.)

Who am I to talk, right? I have a whole host of issues and I’m passing up a guy based on physical attractiveness? What’s my problem?

Well, technically, even in the Jewish world there has to be physical attraction for it to be a kosher marriage. One can’t feel forced into the marriage and often without physical appeal there’s always some kind of emotional barrier that is difficult to overcome. Sure, some people do it, but that’s not true of everyone. And it’s definitely not true of me.

Because, like I said, I’m shallow. 

I know looks fade. I know I’m one to talk when I can’t even stand how I look in the mirror most days, but I still have a type. And I’d say it’s a pretty classic type too. 

Using celebrities, let me show you what my "type" is:

I didn't used to think I had a type, but as clearly seen by the above images, that's patently false. There are some clear indicators of features I'm most drawn towards. Lighter skin, darker hair, often lighter eyes, eyes that kind of squinch when smiling, significant brows, primarily heart/oval shaped face... (It’s also interesting how many of those guys have widows peaks.)

Now, that obviously isn't to say that there aren't other guys I'm attracted to, because there's a whole spectrum of faces out there in the world and there are definitely good looking guys that don't specifically fit the images I just shared. There are guys with darker skin I find attractive, lighter hair, less squinchy eyes, etc... My taste isn’t completely monolithic, but I’m attracted to classic good looks and as someone who lives in a very visual world, I have to be attracted to a guy’s face to be interested in him romantically. 

And before anyone tells me that nobody in the frum community looks like that, I can easily say that’s untrue, because I’ve met guys who fit my type. And most of them are really sweet. And all of them are married. Or like 18 years old. lol

But using another celebrity as an example (sorry, David Mitchell) the guy they want to set me up with looks like this:

Except possibly blander. And balder.

This is a guy I’m not ever going to find physically attractive.

And you’re probably like “Girl, what the hell? Manage your expectations. No 10 is going to go out with a 2 like you.”

And you’d probably be right. 

Because I do have a list of qualities/characteristics that are important to me in a mate (most of which should just be standard, honestly) and when you combine those qualities with any of the faces in the first image above, you would have a 10. Or maybe even higher, while I’m still an obese, depressed mess with janky teeth and hair, and a family so screwed up that I want to kill myself regularly when I stop to think about it. So, a 2 at best.

And now you’re thinking, “Girl, what the hell? You shouldn’t even be dating, let alone thinking of marriage.”

And you’d be right. 

Which is why I regularly rebuff advances, because I don’t think I should be wasting anyone’s time or “tricking” anyone into settling down with me either. I’m a mess and I know it. And while marriage is something I do desire, I know I’m not ready for it yet.

So I would probably reject this match on principle, seeing as I don’t believe this is the right time for me to date either (one day, maybe, but today isn’t that day), but also I just really do not find this guy physically attractive in the least. 

He has a decent job and supposedly he has a great sense of humor, but at most I’d be friends with him. Maybe even good friends (if the frum world allowed such a thing), but definitely not friends with any sort of... um... “benefits.”

And it’s really nice that these family friends aren’t as shallow as me. That they can look at NotMyPrince and just see the amazing qualities he has. Either that or they see me as a 2 too... so I’m not sure how to feel about that... 

But I also have no idea how to properly tell them that I’m not interested right now. Or ever, really. 

It’s been a few weeks since the wedding and the mom just messaged me the other day with his resume and the note:

She’s so sweet, but I just... I don’t know how to word the fact that I’m not interested. 

And I think her daughter is on the same page as her, because I was still dealing with my back issue at the wedding**, so after NotMyPrince had come over to say goodbye and headed for the door, I waited a couple minutes and then excused myself to go get advil from the car because what I’d taken earlier was wearing off and I could barely focus on anything else. I ran into this daughter as she was walking someone to their car. She was like “wait, you’re leaving!?” So I told her no, just getting advil and I’d be right back in and she was like “great! cuz we haven’t spent any time together tonight!” She told me she’d be right back in and we’d get a chance to hang while the chassan and kallah were eating or whatever. 

But then she never came back in. 

On my way out to the car I actually passed NotMyPrince, as he’d stopped near the entrance to say goodbye to some other people, and as I walked back into the building from the car, he was walking out alone. 

So I’m guessing he ran into the daughter on her way back in and they got to chatting, because by the time I left over an hour later, I still hadn’t seen her. On our way out I messaged her “Where'd you go!? I wanted to say goodbye” and when she responded “Bro I missed you” I replied “You said you were coming back and then I never saw you again lol”

And then she messaged the following: “I was talking to your bshert. I’m not kidding”

I countered with a joke and she responded: 

So.... I think it’s safe to assume she bumped into him on her way back in and they got to chatting because there was no one else out there. 

And then we had this little exchange:

She then messaged that she was going to “set this up tomorrow” which didn’t happen, probably because she’d had too much to drink and also verrrry little sleep the week leading up to the wedding. But I’m like 98% sure she and her mom are on the same page about this and I don’t know how to say a definitive no without looking like a terrible person or offending anyone. 

So far I’ve just kind of left the mom on read and I did have a completely unrelated conversation with the daughter and she didn’t bring up NotMyPrince again, so.... thankful for that, I guess?

But I have to find a way to actually put this particular subject out to pasture. 

I guess I can hide how much of a mess I am pretty well if they want to marry me off to someone they really like though. So either I’m succeeding really well at hiding how much of a mess I am or I’m failing miserably at life because nobody can see how much pain I’m in. I can never tell with these things. Maybe both.

As always, I’m open to thoughts on the matter at hand. Feel free to share any advice you have.

-LivelyHeart

------

*I think the bride’s mom has actually mentioned him a few times to me over the last like 5 years, but I don’t really remember for sure. The vort was just the first time recently and when he was in the same place so she could point him out to me in person

**The back issue has mostly dissipated as I’m writing this, though over a month of this and it’s still not 100% 

***Also, just a random side note, but I also checked out NotMyPrince’s facebook page and most of the things he posts are sports related and I don’t want to marry a sports fan. I have hashkafic issues with it and I grew up with a father who has a disgustingly unhealthy relationship with sports and I thusly have a visceral aversion to it.

[billconrad]

My First Book’s Main Characters

    I do not have a formal character development method. Instead, I develop a plot and mold the characters to fit. The resulting characters rise to the drama, which is not how most writers work. They begin with a solid character and tailor the action, emotion, and drama to complement their creation. The resulting character traits will contain firm physical attributes, clear relationships, unique personalities, and solid backgrounds. Yeah… Not my cup of tea.

    Long before I began writing, I thought up stories inside my bonkers mind. My character had simple traits, essentially fictional versions of myself. They would build race cars, travel to wild Africa, or meet amazing women. I was daydreaming. What were my characters like? They were older and more mature. All the physical traits and relationships with people in my life were identical. My support characters were one-dimensional and quickly forgotten. I did not even give them names or noteworthy characteristics.

    I had to take a more formal approach when I became an author because readers expect more than a daydream. This quality increase included naming my characters and giving them unique physical traits and flaws. While I tried to distance my main character from my life, I did not do a great job. Why is this important? Readers easily see through a character based on a pumped-up author. Common traits for this kind of character are overtly brilliant, buff, arrogant, and unrealistic. You can see this kind of extra-bold character in popular action films.

    I named my first character, James, in my first book. Unfortunately, in the first draft, he ended up being too similar to me, and it took intense editing to reduce the similarities, resulting in a more rounded and believable character.

    One of my writing rules is to make a character’s weaknesses obvious because readers need to understand the motivation behind actions clearly. James is dishonest, shallow, not too bright, and has no confidence. This is the reason behind his ugly divorce and the plagiarism of his only successful book.

    My plot is like a vampire story, but I invented a bizarre medical procedure instead of drinking blood to be immortal. One side effect is confidence, balanced by enough paranoia to fill a dump truck. This added confidence is key to James consciously deciding to better his life at the end of the first book.

    Despite the similarities, there are significant differences between James and me. He is more liberal, writing is his only interest, and his background vastly differs from mine. I am more intelligent, confident, trustworthy, and intuitive, meaning that I would not have fallen into the traps that set the plot into motion.

    What makes James tick? Nothing. He is dragged along by the plot until the end of the third book when he gets some backbone. I am sure you are thinking, “Hey, characters are supposed to lead the plot, not follow it.” Yes and no. Not everybody in our society is a leader. We have to go to work, criminals go to jail, and even kids have to go to school. So, it is reasonable that bad things happen to a character, forcing them down a path. In many ways, this is more realistic, yet I agree that this kind of plot is not the strongest.

    If I were to meet James, I likely would not be impressed because he is the type of man who wants something at the expense of others. Yet, he is growing on me, and by the fourth book (in the outline stage), I would tolerate him enough to go on a bike ride.

    I named the second main character in my first book Grace. Bold is an understatement for her. Grace is over 500 years old, incredibly rich, bright, confident, in control of every aspect of her life, pretty, in great shape, and a snappy dresser. Yet, as I mentioned, a character must have apparent flaws.

    Grace could be compared to a head vampire. She is dominating, incredibly paranoid, 500 years out of touch, and hypersensitive to personal security. She will go to any measure when it comes to survival.

    I introduced another side effect of my immorality procedure to her. People undergoing the procedure are very susceptible to substance abuse. She had a twenty-year opium bender, but that was in the 1800s. She has been clean ever since, but her desire to get high is ever-present.

    Grace is courteous, kind, sweet, an excellent listener, a world-class chef, perceptive, honest, and altruistic. Yet, you probably can see the contrast. “Sweet” and “will go to any measure to survive” are the opposite. This makes Grace a super complex character struggling between these extreme existences. In one example, Grace prepares an excellent meal for James, but he accidentally drops his napkin. When he reached down to pick it up, she nearly stabbed him.

    When I molded Grace around the story, the result had no similarities to anybody I know or a fictional character. This made her unique and intriguing. Would I like to meet her? Absolutely not. Grace is a hardened killer, and despite all her positives, every part of her screams, “Stay away!”

    Grace studied James from afar, kidnapped him, and forced him to undergo the life-giving procedure. She then discusses her life and forces him to write her story. In the second book, James admits that he fell in love with her during their time together.

    Thus, in the second book, he undergoes an epic journey to locate her, which brings up a significant inconsistency. I said I would never want to meet her, but James does. I partially explain that James can see her kindness, and I will explore their budding relationship in my fourth book. There are going to be a lot of bumps.

    What makes Grace tick? Simple, money and security. Her motivation is one-dimensional, but she does have hobbies and likes the people who work at her companies. I suppose readers would consider Grace to have an icy exterior and a small but warm heart.

    On the journey to locate Grace, I introduced other immortal characters who wish to harm James. But Arturo is an exception. Yes, he is paranoid, ruthless, and out of touch with reality, but he befriends James, and they go on an adventure together.

    Arturo is pleasant, respectful, intuitive, and reliable. This friend provides a breath of fresh air in James’s life. The two can be honest and help each other down the path of immorality. I think it would be fun to meet Arturo if he were a real person. I can imagine us being business partners or playing sports. Yet, his core contains a ruthless killer, so I must be careful.

    Meeting Arturo leads up to the most prominent character in my first book series. Pharaoh Cleopatra taught the life-giving procedure to Arturo and Grace, who passed it along to James. He has heard of this fantastic woman but doubts she is still alive.

    I went to great lengths to portray Cleopatra as astounding. She possesses incredible beauty, wealth, and sophistication but shares all the same flaws as Grace, especially being out of touch with reality. In addition, she is vain and cares little for others. Still, James falls head over heels for her, which brings up another inconsistency. In the second book, he undertakes an extraordinary journey to locate Grace because he cares for her and is attracted to Cleopatra. Yes, I will thoroughly explore this complex three-way relationship in my fourth book; it will be a bumpy ride. Why? Imagine dating somebody who is half a century or more out of touch with reality, a ruthless killer, vain, and you are also dating her twin?

    While there would be positives to meeting a ruler of the ancient world, I would run away from Cleopatra as fast as my legs would carry me. She is beyond ruthless and would kill a nobody like me in less than a heartbeat. Yet, I share James’s fascination, and I will explore this interest in the fourth book.

    My biggest character flaw (yes, that was a pun) was making James too similar. I now clearly see this unintentional choice hampered my creativity. I know what and who I am, which added many limitations. Creating James from a blank person would have made him more interesting and realistic to readers.

    Yet, that was my point in making him what he was. James was supposed to be an average or below-average guy, a random person selected to be part of a big story. I am average, making me the perfect subject to model a character for this adventure. So, I think my creation was better than I am giving myself credit for.

    Creating my characters and getting them into all kinds of messes was fun. I am now intimately familiar with their personalities, quirks, and traits. I suppose it is like we are already friends. Or at least neighbors. A ruthless killer? Umm, how about pen pals? Actually, that works.

    You’re the best -Bill

    December 18, 2024

    Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

   Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.

[redheadbigshoes]

I don’t know how to phrase this without sounding like a terf so I’m just gonna be really clear and say I am not .Trans women are women and trans men are men.

I’m primarily into women and sexually only psychically into traditionally “female” traits (i.e. breasts, vulvas) but I don’t feel that gender matters so much to me? I know some people must be, but I am not attracted ti gender, I’m attracted to presentation and sex characteristics. If I perceive someone as a man I’m probably not attracted to them, regardless of if they actually are. If I perceive someone as a woman but they don’t have the body parts I find attractive I won’t be attracted to them. It’s just not really about gender to me. But. I think the same would reason with trans men; it doesn’t matter that they’re men if they have what I’m attracted to or lack the things I don’t like (typical male stuff). If I perceive them as a woman and then find out they are a man I don’t think it much matters to me their gender. attractive is attractive. however, it’s almost entirely women I find attractive. I just think I’m not so sure if I actually care whether they’re women; I mean, women are ideal, but like. If someone has the things in attracted ti (which are the typical woman things) I don’t think my sexuality care about their gender. Does this mean I’m pan??? I think I clearly have a preference. Although in theory it’s not for gender so much as for what they have in their clothes. But thats not even a preference so much as I don’t think I could ever date anyone with a penis honestly, and I probably wouldn’t date someone without boobs (but maybe). Am I homoflexible? Am I a lesbian? I feel like the way we categorize it is kind of difficult because I understand categorizing sexuality by gender and not sex because there’s many good reasons to, but at the same time gender isn’t what I’m attracted to physically. and yeah I’m still not 100% sure if I’d date a trans guy since I don’t know any but I have perceived them as a woman on the internet before, realized they were a man, but i mean. They’re still attractive.

I don’t usually respond to this kind of ask but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

That wouldn’t be pansexuality because from everything you said it does seem like you prefer women, and pansexuality is attraction to people regardless of their gender (so basically you wouldn’t have any gender preferences). Even if you didn’t prefer women, from what I understand you’re attracted only to one type of genitalia, which imo that doesn’t seem like pansexuality.

Homoflexible in my opinion is a very problematic label, homophobic and biphobic. You either are homosexual (gay/lesbian) or not, there’s no flexibility, that flexibility is bisexuality (or any other mspec term).

There’s a bunch of terms that are not “limiting” (though I don’t like using this word) as lesbian. There’s sapphic, queer, polysexual, bisexual, omnisexual… If you look it up you will probably find a term that fits what you’re describing.

[maciek-jozefowicz]

[29] “Climbing the Ladder” — HB Pencil, Sketching group (Procreate app). Playfulness is a vital characteristic of not only a creative mind, but also of a happy mind. And a happy mind is a healthy mind. Or is that the other way around — a healthy mind is a happy mind?

[ One reason, it may be the main reason, that happiness is so elusive for most of us is that we do not clearly define it. Happiness is ambiguous, and thus difficult to attain. It’s like trying to get somewhere when you don’t exactly know what that somewhere is.

What if we define happiness as “a state of a healthy mind in a healthy body”? It doesn’t sound romantic or dramatic; it sounds banal. But when you break it down, there is something to it. Happiness is a feeling and feeling comes from the mind. Happiness then must come from the mind. Happiness is a mindset. Those who are unhappy are unhappy because they have a mindset that is not conducive to the feeling of happiness. Their mindset, the mindset that they have adopted, is unhealthy.

Actually, most people do not adopt a mindset because they don’t choose their mindset. Their mindset has been conditioned into them by society. In other words, people think the way that they’ve been taught to think by others, who think the way that they’ve been taught to think by other others. (In a way, we are like mirrors — reflecting the society within which we live.)…

“But what about ‘social injustice’? Some people make more money than others, live in expensive houses, drive expensive cars — how can we, those who have less, be happy without ‘equity’ and ‘equality’?”

That’s where the “healthy body” bit comes in. Healthy body means more that just being physically fit by exercising regularly…

To be continued. I need more time with this thought to make it cohesive. (It started out so simply.]

[cbdfullbodygummies]

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[jonathankatwhatever]

A half-formed idea is a cloud, is a cloud which shifts its shape. And when it shifts, as it shifts it defines the the entirety of itself by the Irreducible pairing of shape the cloud takes. This occurs at various levels of continuity.

One of the more interesting issue is the floating point, find the crack, find the few ways you can tunnel through a barrier, find the way doubt enters, and the reason is this is where we see the rotating mirror or leaves of my notebook with the covers opened all the way back and the pages fanned. That did not go where I expected. I thought we were going to say that local discontinuity, like a yip in putting or in my handwriting, a sudden jerk, is the scaled up version of a section of a function where the derivative changed suddenly because the amplitude or gs process contained in that physical motion, meaning a tension release, that the potential energy converts into kinetic, and this occurs as a function in your physical self, as it relates to your abstract self. That is what inner or core and outer or shell mean in terms of self: there is a physical self and an abstract self.

That usage of self allows us to order gender and attractions within selves. I like to think in terms of pS and aS, because then I can associated the word to an abstraction, thus allowing me to use Triangulars in which I combine pS and aS with physical self and abstract self representations. So for example, I can clearly identify myself as left-handed even though I’m right-handed, because my left hand is inherently more physically capable. It does physical work better. As I’ve described, I can break eggs with my left and never could do that with my right. To me, what happened is that being forced left to right changed the abstract shape of my aS and its relation to my pS, which means the Irreducible pairings were off.

This brings me to mens sans, in corpore sana, realizing the Romans meant the connections between a mind and a body give you the vitality of a human, of being the idealized Roman. That makes sense; they grew up among stories which taught morals, and they saw places as representing the characteristics of a people, just as we do today (though we often claim to not do so).

Irreducible pairings. A bT, f1-3, 3gs, and that reveals why it’s sometimes f1-3//3-1; if you look at the grid, then the visual effect is of the states of an electron cloud in which you see the versions of the fourth 1gs. I see it as a wriggle shifting like a snake that is - and that’s the caduceus image we figured out many years ago.

You can see the Irreducible pairings in the snake to one side, the snake to the other: conjugate Pathways. And conjugate 1-0Segments so it can be as simple as projecting a box over which the exact same motion is overlaid over the exact same elements inverted over the Irreducible axis line, so we can say we’ve joined the Irreducible images as well as we can, asymptotically, to the limit of whatever fits in that context.

So an error like a yip in handwriting or putting comes about because there’s excess abstraction, excess gs process, pent up and it escapes when there’s a chance, like when the hand position should be changed because it’s now going to require focus to get through this next bit where I’m running out of line or I’m holding the notebook on my lap, and so on, and that increase in effort, that increase in abstract focus translates into a magnification, that transformation inherent in the gs definition of base10, expresses through the connection from aS to pS.

That’s also the test I use about gender and sexual identity. The latter is fairly straightforward: what do I look at, think about, etc. The former took longer, meaning that as I accepted my left-handedness, that connected me to the other identities within my aS. In general terms, a Thing is made of a pS and an aS. That enables me to think about iThings as ipS, which then connects to D4-3 existences. That’s a pretty straight-forward notational chain.

So this is an actual phrasing of the question we’ve been working on about a theory of identity. Wow. Did not realize we were doing that today. Very cool.

Identifying the existence of shared identity spaces is straight-forward: no one can deny they exist when they obviously do, from friendship and family to politics and national pride. There is thus a fascinating connection to genus here: you can see the idea of genus1, of a hole, a Bip pole at the center of an idea, and I can see that there’s a bit of work needed upstream from here, that there needs to be an I-pairing that matches the 4 leaves idea, which embodies the whole collapse of 6 into 4 to make the grid. And if we insert D4-3 Objects, then we can think about ipS and iaS, the various imaginary selves one becomes, all of which then reduce and expand, and I really need to go back to bed. This is amazing, but I’m tipping over.

It’s 28 May 2023. Now 7:20AM this congested morn.

————

Transitions are difficult because a bunch of things can happen, and that is caused by the force of the 1Space coming into the gs process, which then manifests in physical forces. Example in mind is accidents on corners because the wheel alignment must be found and held in place and adjusted, as opposed to being able to let the car go straight with you barely touching the wheel. That may sound ridiculous as an example, but the idea behind it is that metaphor with its connection to something actual, something which you can imagine physically exists, then you can draw Triangulars off that. I’m seeing this as there’s an O-line, which I’ll put myself on, and that lays 3 across, where there’s inversion over the center, back and forth as the Triangular changes from the center to me to either End, meaning as my mind’s eye flickers.

That’s how we’re interwoven. In the flicker. I knew that concept meant more! It was, for a while, an intense focus because flickering is alternation is Coordinate Rotation is a clock cycle countable by 1Segments and Ends, etc. But I couldn’t see where it could fit into the generative model of the way this all works. Entangled over a cycle, within a cycle is the interleaving idea in which the leaves sometimes flow into place and other times not.

But back to the idea above that, which is a bit less abstract: that 1Space ‘distance’ is more gs process, and that may suddenly dissipate because it acts like it has some pressure, meaning it’s confined to a space smaller than it needs, which is another way of saying there’s an abstract pressure to enact. We see that in the very concept of a life force and motive. That means we just described the bare bones of how life generates mechanically: that there is substantial pressure of gs process, and that will escape if it can, whether in a mild spasm or tiny motor mistake or explosively. At all scales.

Note that because we construct gs, we construct scales, which means we fit scales appropriately and contextually.

I think maybe I can put the context doubts to bed. As in, the IC Model is correct: f1-3, the 4:1 generation of gs, unites across gs, meaning it’s both Tigs and Togs. The next level, LC or Larger Context, is the exact same ideas scaled up and down using the same process, but most obviously 4:1, because we’re dealing with grid squares in LC, not Triangular. The idea in so notating these two contexts was to unite 2 layers in 2 directions, meaning a 1-0-1 and 0-1-0 where we can make this clearer as 1-4-1 and 4-1-4, meaning we flip the 0 to 4, which is the modularity of 4, and of f1-3//3-1, so it’s fundamental modularity.

And it scales inherently as well by the count of 0 flipping to 4, which is a count of 5 Ends and 4 1Segments, which is a 9, so attach 2 of those 5’s and you get 10, and attach the other 5 as 1 and you get 10 in either direction.

I had to eat a piece of pineapple, which distracted me into an analysis space, a form of ipS which ties to the Supreme Court and conservatism and how that becomes unfortunately doctrinaire, which I think is a good example of Irreducible pairing and the difficulty of pinning down or even identifying the 3rd End in a debate about the Court. I think, for example, that conservative construction is clearly the idea of a constitution, or why have one? They exist to put the brakes on behavior. Anyway, an approach into that abstract space, which is a D4-3, which exists beyond me because it’s a common topic, so what I have is a version constructed using pieces from elsewhere, as they combine, as I’ve seen them combine in other situations, etc. There is thus an inversive relationship between me and that larger other of analysis, feeling, etc., over this construction of abstract space where I think about this topic.

I can see how this makes realization and understanding come more easily: allow the pieces to construct and you get an alert when there’s a fit at the alert level, which is set high enough that seeing it in that moment connects over all the work that has been done before, so the piece has that impact within you.

And that is like it has drawn xyR on a pole and you can see into them because you’re on the O-line in that instant of recognition, so you see the images generate across the layers as they come into focus, however briefly. That is why we called it a Metaphoric Bundle. Thinking about that, while the data must be enormous, the images are conveyed sparsely so they are rendered out of much less because that’s how they are seen in an instant. So M meaning million is fine. Along with the other meanings of M.

So, we just connected base10 to IC in an essential manner: it’s (1+(SBE3)+1) described using IC’s, together with the hands inherent in 0 flipping to 4 in each view. Oh, that gets to something else: the 3 hands in the 3 flips actually do better because now we have 10 on one side or we have 10 to and from those 2 from the other side. I’m getting confused. Better stop this path. There is no magic reductive statement which says here is the single way to describe the many facets of the interweaving of the Pathways. Base10 is a Pathway. It runs really well in 0Space, which you can see makes sense because it manifests in the flip of 0 to 4 and 4 to 0, which is a 10 count of Ends and of course an 8 count of 1Segments, which fits to fCM. That is exactly how we pictured the IC Model working, except now we can get it out in words better.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Also, here are my thoughts on the "p-zombie" issue that comes up when you compare consciousness to consciousness (in some circles, anyway)

[spoilers]

more In a certain sense, I think the p-zombie picture actually supports rather than undermines my original position, although only on fairly strong assumptions about what "consciousness" and "p-zombies" actually mean. In other words, when we say someone is conscious, what we generally mean is that they feel qualia, or have mental states which are in principle describable by some kind of theory which attributes qualia to their states (or something like that). So in a way, the p-zombie picture actually fits in well with my original view, which says that what really matters about "consciousness" is these mental states qua mental states: a system which looks and acts like a human but lacks consciousness just because it has a computer program which, when run, simulates the behavior of a human -- is not in principle describable in a way that can be distinguished from a human, and its mental states simply aren't states.

In the usual way of talking about zombies, the trouble is that a program is a finite amount of information (assuming our brains work by finite means), and hence "consciousness" is the kind of thing that a person actually has or has potential to actually have, but can't have solely because they lack one or more of the features that it looks like it requires.

A more "physicalist" view would say that the problem is that you just can't usefully say anything about the physical structure of a person at all. (As is often mentioned, zombies are an example of the fact that physicalism does not imply the existence of souls or other personal characteristics. For a "realist" physicalist, souls just are the souls of conscious people.) I don't take this view -- after all, I think that even if consciousness is the only thing that matters about a person, "what kinds of people there are" is still a real thing that has to be taken into account.

Anyway, I think this is a little confused because the term "consciousness" isn't even particularly informative as we usually use it. "Zombie" is a word that just refers to a certain kind of entity, not to the type of entities that we want to talk about when we want to talk about consciousness. There are many conceivable "zombies" which are totally conscious, and conversely, there are numerous conceivable kinds of consciousness which are totally absent from physicalist formulations of consciousness.

The trouble is that when we talk about consciousness in non-philosophy circles, we tend to talk about things that are even more abstract than the usual kind of physicalist "zombies." In this way, we might say "X is conscious" when X is, well, literally just a copy of the original Y whose mental states we actually talk about. We can't tell the difference, so it just counts as "Y" rather than "X."

That makes sense (if we imagine the person "Y" to have the same physical structure as "X"), but it's not especially intuitive, and it doesn't have much of a theoretical place in the way we talk about consciousness, and it does seem to make consciousness "not even a real thing." "Not even a real thing," or "nonsense." But of course we say things like "Y was conscious," so clearly we're still talking about a real thing.

And the "zombies" (I guess) that we normally talk about when we're talking about "consciousness" don't seem to really correspond to that sort of thing -- it seems like the difference is mostly one of scale. Most people who are conscious can't tell you anything about the internal state of a zombie -- what does it "feel like" to be a zombie, if anything? It's hard to be a zombie that I know of because I know how being conscious actually feels. A zombie has no such inner "life" to draw on, and therefore is incapable of telling me that it is conscious. When I imagine a being like this, I tend to be somewhat nonplussed. But we know it isn't literally impossible -- there is a human out there, or a bunch of humans and we don't know which one it is, who are like this. So there must be something that makes them not feel like they're zombies. How can we say they are?

Maybe one could try to argue that the zombie view is true after all, because in fact you can't talk about the internal experiences of a person without talking about that person really having an internal experience in the first place, and these experiences really exist in the person even when the person is a zombie. (That seems to be the standard view that is held by certain philosophers.) I don't think this would work, but I'll leave it as one of the possibilities, as it happens.

So the fact that some sort of experience is shared by people even though they can't have it in the same way (but of course, also in the same quantity) is a crucial point in the discussion, but this kind of stuff just doesn't map very well onto the usual p-zombie picture, and is not really talked about in those terms. As a result, when we are talking about "consciousness" with ordinary people, it seems natural to assume that we are actually not talking about what we call "consciousness." So people say things like:

"What you call 'consciousness' is just mental content. Zombies have no mental content. Consciousness in this sense is non-physical."

It's hard to say why this is so confusing, I guess. I think it's just that people are used to discussing consciousness in a way that seems very "metaphysical," as in "metaphysics" the study of what stuff actually is in the world, and really not a "theoretical model." So when people say "I am not conscious!" they mean something like "I am literally not doing what I usually do when I think about consciousness," whereas the sort of p-zombie thing is very much something like a theoretical model that says that no one would be conscious if this sort of thing really did take place, and this sort of thing does take place.

That's what I think has been getting confused in the whole "zombie debate," though I'm not an expert on it and am speaking more as an outsider looking in. (Although I've done a lot of thinking about this stuff, I guess because it's relevant to some of my thoughts about the way the world works. I'd be interested to see if anyone reading this would be able to tell from the outside what it is about my position that makes it so confusing, and if they can, I'd appreciate a reply.)

[shinsengumi-archives]

Shinsengumi MBTI: Okita Souji

I’ve been interested in MBTI for quite a while. This is a personality type model consisting of 16 types based on 4 characteristics: Extravert vs Introvert, Sensing vs Intuition, Thinking vs Feeling, and Judging vs Perceiving. Although I think real people are more complicated than just these types, if you have to put people into distinct groups, this is the best way to go about it 😅. That said, MBTI is a really useful tool for writing well-rounded characters, since every type has seemingly contradictory aspects and are more than just how they appear on the surface. If you want to write characters that are less flat, you can borrow one of the personality types.

I’m planning to analyze the personalities of various Shinsengumi members based on their writing, anecdotes, and portrayals. Since we’ll never know for sure how they were truly like, this is more about how I would write their characters, rather than their personalities in real life.

Let’s start with Okita :)

I think Okita is an ISFJ.

ISFJs are considered warm, polite, loyal, traditional, self-critical, secretive and judgmental. This seems to fit Okita’s personality very well.

If we look at traits related to their functional stack:

While sometimes viewed as stubborn or nitpicky, ISFJs are actually more easygoing than they are often given credit for.

This could be seen in Okita’s behavior when training, where he was very particular about swordsmanship and hard for his students to please him, compared to outside of training where he was someone who was always smiling.

more attuned to when they are full, thereby preventing overeating.

It is said that Okita tended to eat very lightly and would even leave banquets early.

In larger groups, they may seem characteristically “positive” in their expressions, as part of their attempt to cultivate good feelings.

In Kyoto Okita would always joke around and try to make everyone else laugh. Also seen when he never stopped smiling despite being ill with tuberculosis, because he didn’t want others to worry.

there is part of the ISFJ that is childlike, that wants to play and let loose.

Okita was known to like playing with the neighborhood children.

Extravert vs Introvert

Okita is someone who likes spending time with people and making them laugh, and could come off as an extravert in this way, but introverts could also be social. 

The most important trait that makes me think Okita is an introvert is that he’s very private. His letters are full of niceties and objective descriptions of what happened, but he almost never writes about his own opinions or feelings. He also hid the fact that he had tuberculosis from others (although this might not be accurate in real life). An extravert would be more open about sharing their true thoughts.

There’s also the fact that ISFJs are considered the most extraverted introvert, so I think Okita is an introvert or ambivert who acts social without actually opening up to people.

Sensing vs Intuition

Okita seems to be a Sensor rather than an Intuitive, because his goals and motivations are centered around keeping Kondo safe. He’s not fighting for anything abstract like serving the country or an ideological cause. He just wants to protect the people he cares about.

Thinking vs Feeling

Okita is very people-oriented, and he’s loyal to Kondo and the Shinsengumi for emotional reasons (i.e. he likes them) rather than pragmatic ones.

Judging vs Perceiving

I think Okita is more Judging than Perceiving. He clearly knows what he wants (to be with Kondo) and he tends to follow rules and instructions. He’s also stubborn once he decides on something. For example, he tried to go to Kofu with the others despite being terminally ill and almost dying from illness earlier in the year. I’m sure many people tried to talk him out of it, and they only managed to leave him in Hino because he physically couldn’t keep going due to poor health.

[death2normalcy]

This is Changbin!

His full name is Seo Changbin and he was born in South Korea on August 11, 1999. Like Minho, he also speaks basic English, although he’s constantly improving and working on it! It was also stated somewhere, although I can’t remember where or by whom (I want to say Chan?), that Changbin can actually understand most English, and you can kind of see that when English is being spoken to him or around him. He may not be fully fluent in speaking it, but he clearly understands what is being said (which is understandable, pronunciation and speaking can be a hard area to learn when learning a new language and is actually something I always struggle with.)

Video of Changbin speaking English!

He is the third oldest in the group, but he helps Chan out a lot when it comes to helping the other members. Many of the members constantly talk about how reliable and dependable Changbin is, as well as how much of a great listener and secret keeper he is. During his 2 Kids Room with Lee Know, they talk about how their Chan’s right and left hands because they help out a lot with the other members, and you can definitely tell that, not only the younger members, but Lee Know and Chan too, respect him a lot, even if they’re constantly teasing him. But he’s also stated (somewhere, but I’m not sure exactly where) that he likes the teasing, since it means the other members are comfortable around him.

He is a member of 3Racha, which is a sub-unit within the group that consists of Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han. Together (or individually), they’ve written and/or produced most (if not all?) of the songs that Stray Kids has put out.

Changbin is mainly considered a rapper in the group (but of course, all of them are multi-talented in most aspects of what they do). But he’s also a talented vocalist, dancer, songwriter and producer. (Fun fact: He actually started out as a dancer and a vocalist! But apparently, his vocal coach recommended he try rapping and the rest is history.) (Not as fun fact: Despite being a very talented vocalist, he rarely just outright sings in songs. I saw somewhere that he is insecure about his singing voice, which is unfortunate, because he sounds amazing.)

A few songs that I personally love from him:

Rap: Beware (Grrr); Miroh; Muddy Water; Mirror Mirror (a collaboration he did with two other artists); We Go

Vocals: His performance on Masked Singer; ‘Cause I Like You (a duet with Felix!); Surfin’; Neverending Story; Secret Secret

Songwriting: Streetlight; Sorry, I Love You; Cypher; Piece (a song he wrote with Seungmin) (and he wrote ‘Cause I Like You with Felix!) (Much like with Chan,I tried to stick with songs he wrote himself, but, much like Chan, he has had a hand in writing most of Stray Kids’ songs)

Many fans would consider one of Changbin’s defining physical characteristics to be his muscles. (I’m more fond of his smile/laugh, but that’s just a personal preference) He works out a lot and it shows. He’s also very open about it and clearly enjoys talking about working out and exercising.

Despite being considered the ‘dark and aggressive’ rapper of the group, Changbin clearly enjoys being cute and silly a lot of the times, and really plays up that part of his personality during a lot Stray Kids content that gets put out.

Changbin is also considered one of the loudest members, next to Lee Know. I have a video of these two being loud on his playlist below!

Changbin’s SKZOO character is ‘Dwaekki’, which is a pig and a rabbit combined. I’ve seen a couple explanations for this, and I finally got to see the video that it originated from, but I think the original explanation is that Changbin was trying to create a bunny, but everyone said the character looked like a pig. So, they combined the two and created dwaekki. People say this fits Changbin sits it’s an animal that is cute but loves food.

And that’s it for Changbin! As always, there’s tons more about him, but this are just the basic things you’ll see a lot. I’d say that the oldest three are my personal favorites. Chan was my first favorite, than Changbin, and now Lee Know. But they are all almost equal in my mind, honestly.

Changbin’s Playlist!

And a few bonus pics!

Previous guides: Stray Kids | Bang Chan | Lee Know