#because most of these are ships that seem relatively normal and okay

[floressaph]

A bit ago, I peeked into the South Park fandom for no other reason than shits and giggles (don’t blame me, I was curious on what was going on in the fandom)

And JESUS-fucking-CHRIST! Some of y’all are treating mostly harmless ships like it’s some sort of sin. IT’S A FICTIONAL SHOW WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! LET THESE POOR PEOPLE LIVE WITH THEIR SILLY LITTLE RAREPAIRS, PLEASE

(Rant in tags)

[wordy-little-witch]

Okay so I have been…. Thinking big thinks about Agere!Buggy I can’t really put anywhere else so don’t mind me if I just drop this here. Tw for involuntary regression and Buggy having a not so fun time being little tough.

Personally I can really easily see as Buggy being someone who you… wouldn’t necessarily pick out as being regressed when it happens, partly because his upbringing was more unusual, living on a pirate ship and all, which means what he wants and needs tend to be different from people who grew up with a relatively normal childhood on an island or similar.

Buggy gets even more of a temper when he starts to regress, flips out more, seems to be ticked off at the smallest things, but not in his usually flamboyant, constant screaming manner, but more in a way that insinuates that he’s five minutes away from completly shutting down. When he finally retreats to a place where he’s alone he will most likely wreck parts of his room in anger and frustration, before breaking down quietly sobbing, because what Buggy longs for during those times aren’t toys or games specifically. When he feels small he longs for the feeling of someone playfully ruffling his hair and telling him „It’s gonna be fine kid.“ he longs for the times someone lifted him and Shanks on their shoulders while his family their crew was celebrating till deep into the night, he misses gruff men with calloused hands teaching him how to tie a decent knot. He misses a time before he had to grow up way, way quicker than even he would have thought, a time where Roger dying seemed like a nightmare you half remember the next day thinking to yourself how you could even come up with something like that. A time where Shanks would drive him to insanity but he also was certain he would sail him to the edge of the world. And no toys and no games will ever give that back to him.

Closing this angst fest out with saying that I actually do believe he could still gain some comfort from being little if the circumstances allow it. Both Mihawk and Crocodile fill in roles that in some ways would have fit in well with the Oro Jackson back in the day.

Crocodile is a big and intimidating man, not really cruel to him anymore but it would be a stretch to call him „nice“, yet little Buggy immediately feels relaxed in his presence, maybe even more so than big Buggy. He can count on Crocodile to protect him, even if he’s scolding the clown for being a pain in the ass, he doesn’t have to worry about anyone when he’s with Crocodile, strong, smart, wise Crocodile, who always seems to hug him just a bit closer when he feels small, even if he tries to play it off as casual pda towards his lover when they are in public.

The same goes for Mihawk, who’s imposing in a different way, but who has a natural knack at finding out what Buggy needs. Who can snark „Your bad mood is intolerable. You should lay down until you cooled off.“ and Buggy can whine and moan all he wants about that, his big side even haughtily proclaiming he doesn’t need to listen to Mihawk seriously assign him „Nap time“, but who more often than not find himself waking up next to Mihawk on their fancy couch, the swordsman reading a book next to him and seemingly paying no attention to him, but also Buggy doesn’t remember that he laid down with a blanket when he first slinked up next to Mihawk in the first place.

And if there was ever any room for a happy ending including Shanks, their crews would definetly see them emerge from the woods of an island they have just docked at, late in the evening. Both of their captains bantering and laughing, carrying a bucket of fish they just caught. They both look like messes, full of dirt and apperantly fruit juices, and Shanks just laughs when Yasopp asks what on earth they where doing. „We found some blackberry bushes and had a blackberry fight.“ neither of their crews fully get it but they do notice that their captains seem lighter after those days.

Jesus christ on a motorbike YES YESYES GIMME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS I will hoard them like a dragon I SwEaR!!!!!

Buggy would absolutely have really hyperspecific needs that he can't articulate or even fully grasp, big OR little.

Like.

The bit with Crocodile?? That makes him teeter more than most things. Big, Warm, Calloused Hands make him melt in every way imaginable but when Croc pats his head or gives him a squeeze, part of him just unfurls a teeny tiny little bit.

Mihawk just showing his care casually and quietly is always a good tale, especially with "assigning nap time" and the casual little blanket bit, just aaaaAAAA♡♡♡♡

And the TEMPER tes, Buggy has negative emotional regulation skills, but regressed?? That threshold just EVAPORATES. He'll slip sway, rage, and shatter alone because solitude is the safest thing to him. Maybe a few HIGHLY trusted people know, but... honestly, I think it'd be wild if Cabaji and Mohji knew, but once the Impel Down Thing happened and they went with Alvida as a captain, it fundamentally Altered Buggy's trust in them. Like. On the one hand, absolutely survival, he gets it, but on the other hand that's his crew, his people, and it stings ((and reminds him of another crew, one he trusted with his heart and soul and safety, who left him in pieces, bloodied and hunted because his father was killed and nobody was enough of an adult to help the literal children in their care)).

Also:

Buggy having weird little things he associates with childhood and the sensation there, it all being unusual to most is absolutely true 110%, no 1000000%. Learning knots just AAAAAAA Buggy regressing and his favorite toy being a rope kinda kills me /pos AND /neg.

Just. Imagine fir a minute all these small things culminating up until Crocodile and Mihawk get faced with smth mundane and typical like a stuffed animal or a certain toy, and Buggy just.... doesn't understand. He doesn't even recognize it. He's not entirely sure what the heck this thing is even meant for. Crocodile bought it, bc he's the type to spoil people, and Mihawk helped pick it out bc it was a generic thing, but there's zero recognition. And that hurts.

They knew Buggy's regression went hand in hand with the traumas and experiences he had, but this... it just slots all these pieces together in both men's heads that this honestly happened. Buggy was hurt as a child; an innocent child was stained in fear and blood and grief.

As for Shanks, I can see Buggy and him being aware of the stints where Buggy goes NUCLEAR even as a child, and them having a tentative system set up because they were Red and Blue, Shanks and Buggy, the literal embodiments of Ride Or Die. They are a package deal, Do Not Separate. So when it was just them after Roger disbanded the crew, they already had a solid basis. Roger helped somewhat, but nearing the end, he was sicker. They began pulling back, trying to let him rest as much as they could. So on their own, not much changed.

I'm also incredibly soft for the Shanks-And-Buggy-Never-Really-Separated concept ((#Thanks-Stereden)) so just. Them having frequent calls over Denden, safe and protected from prying ears, where Buggy was Big, Little, In Between and Shanks delighting in it all.

The day they all meet up, crews mingling, they go into the woods to look for a treasure maybe, and Buggy is always the safest with Shanks, can actually let loose a little more, can just BE. And one thing leads to another and they find the blackberries and Buggy drops because who else can he trust but his Red? His Red who is so very vulnerable, looking off to the treeline... they come back a mess, tired but happy, and Buggy's still not quite Big but not fully Small, but he's comfortable, he's happy, and he's very very excited to drag Red over to Hawky and Croccy because the got SO many fishes and berries and it isn't beri, but they're still good-!!

Ough I'm feral, shaking the bars of my cage THANK YOU ILYSM this ask made my dayyyyy ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/732112938662494209/its-always-been-kind-of-weird-to-me-that-incest

100% agree. I think the appeal of incest as a taboo in fiction is pretty obvious: people are attracted to the boundary-pushing, taboo nature of it, but they don't ACTUALLY want to fuck their relatives, they're still grossed out by that. but it's fun to watch someone else, someone fictional who is not their relative, transgress that particular taboo with someone else who is also not the reader's/viewer's relative (but is the character's relative). and by definition, there is an existing and likely complicated relationship between these characters that they can build on to create an interesting sexual/romantic relationship. the family relationship means the other person often knows and understands them intimately. there's often some degree of power imbalance. it just trips a lot of wires of things that people find exciting in romantic and smutty fiction.

it's also a particularly ridiculous thing to fixate on in terms of the supposed "real world" effects of reading idealized fiction about it. like, let's put aside the fact that we all know here that antis are wrong about what you get off to in fiction being what you're into irl, and the way they distort "representation matters" to mean that fiction always has a perfect 1:1 effect on how it influences people who consume it. for starters, incest is literally not something that an unrelated stranger can "groom you into," lol. because if they're not related to you it's not incest. and if they don't know anyone in your irl family... how would they be able to groom you that way? second, even if there were some potential that reading that would make you more interested in incestuous relationships more generally, that's only going to be a danger if there's someone else in your family who is already interested in and looking for opportunities to abuse that way.

(which, as a previous ask pointed out, is the only real "danger" of problematic fiction. yes, an abusive adult who wants to convince a teen that it's totally normal for them to have sex with that teen can probably use some fictional adult/teen romance they both like to make that seem more okay, but if they didn't have that they'd use something else. if they didn't have an adult/teen relationship, they'd use an age gap between adults - i've seen people use "well my parents were 10 years apart when they got married [as adults]" to excuse those kinds of relationships between adults and teenagers even though they're obviously different - and if they didn't have that, they'd find some other relationship that involved the characters having something in common with them. "age-gap relationships" are not inherently dangerous. abusers are dangerous, and abusers are opportunistic. shipping a certain dynamic does not make you an abuser. and honestly, probably the best people to put a stop to that are other people in that shipping community who can explain why enjoying this dynamic in fiction doesn't make it ok irl and how their feelings about the fictional vs. irl versions differ. but i digress)

honestly, i suspect that a lot of antis don't really understand what is the real "problem" with incest. they get overly fixated on blood quantum stuff, act like it's purely about the potential for birth defects and then project that same stuff on to couples where that isn't an issue (like same-sex couples, or distant cousins where the potential is significantly reduced). but the real issue is the potential for abuse. and most fictional incest either is an idealized version where that potential for abuse is not there OR if it's fucked-up, that is the POINT. no one was into shipping cersei/jaime in game of thrones because they were under the impression that the twins were NOT dangerously codependent. that was the appeal! it's the taboo of it all! it's that sometimes it's fun to watch people do things that they know are bad for them! it scratches the itch that makes you want to make bad choices yourself!

--

[jascurka]

Hey, I gotta say i've been a fan of yours for a few years, and you're an extremely talented artist! Your expressions and the soft way you color makes everything seem almost comforting in most of your work, and it's really cool to see!!

I guess i haven't been caught up in a while cause i haven't watched mob psycho in a bit but i noticed you've gotten into mobrei

I'm not here to harass you or yell at you and i am not expecting a response, but i gotta say i understand, when you age up characters it makes the power dynamic seem balanced and ok, i understand these are characters you love a lot and fanart and fancontent is probably a big source of comfort

But encouraging such an unhealthy power dynamics especially as someone with a larger audience you gotta understand is not ok It's not about the characters and it's not about how you view it, it's about us as people needing to show that these unhealthy dynamics are not ok

if you found out your minor little brother was dating an adult you would be worried about him, if you found out your little brother who is now of age was dating an adult who was very close to him when he was a minor you would be worried about him

I'm not upset because it's mob psycho or if it was any other characters i'm upset because you're portraying something borderline pedophilic as ok

I'm honestly a little dissapointed to see that you've sort of adapted proshipping beliefs, yk at least what i can say about myself is that i'm not against proshippers because i hate shipping and i don't believe love is love

I'm against proshipping because incest, pedophilia, and other dynamics that lead to assault and imbalanced power are not ok and we shouldn't be teaching people especially minors that they are

The more content there is normalizing abusive power dynamics the more people think thats ok, the more minors can normalize it, the more minors can think its ok to date a family member or an adult or just anybody who may hurt them because they were taught that love conquers all differences even when that love is between a 14 year old and a 25 year old or even 18 and 29

Again i'm not trying to hate on you i'm not trying to yell or anything like that i just really hope that you'll read through this and just think about it at least a little bit again this isn't about characters this is about real life

Here are some things you need to realize:

The main purpose of my art isn't to be educational about healthy relationships and it's not focused on portraying "the right thing" all the time.

I assume enough emotional intelligence in my audience to recognise that the ships that I in fact label as problematic already - are flawed and are not healthy to happen in real life.

I want to explore nuanced or taboo things in my art but I'm also a sucker for lovey-dovey feel-good stories and it's not your business to convince me to draw ships more how you want them just so kids on tumblr can have a good example of what abuse looks like.

I am not encouraging anyone to pursue relationships like these! Real life is much more complex than what a scribble on tumblr can reflect on anyway. The content I make of these ships is purely fictional and isn't safe to enact in the real world.

I don't appreciate you trying to bring my relatives into this argument, you're being insensitive bringing them up at all. Of course I don't want anyone, not just my family, to stay in an unhealthy relationship. I think most sane people on earth would be against that, no? Do you just assume I'm okay with horrible things happening to people around me because I like to draw unhealthy and toxic ships?

I didn't "adapt" proship beliefs recently. Not harassing people for their fictional ships and stories has always been very easy for me, even if their content makes me uncomfortable. I prefer to block things I don't want to see over acting entitled about what someone draws or writes.

I already state on my page that my blog has sensitive and mature topics and viewer discretion is advised. I could always draw the "worse" aspects of the relationship or more "abusive" side of the ship so you won't have to reach far below the surface to find the problematic side of it, but I get the feeling you don't want me to do that - you just want me to stop drawing a pairing you find icky. I can add an additional disclaimer in my profile if this all wasn't enough for you but I won't stop drawing them holding hands and blushing until I get bored of it.

EDIT: I do want to thank you for the compliments on my art however, I forgot to add it yesterday.

[theoriginalsapphic]

disproving the mlvn bingo

“I want El to grow on her own”

This is a bad thing because…? El is a child that grew up the first twelve years of her life locked up in a lab and used for her powers. Then she got out and spent a week helping a group of kids to find their missing friend, almost died, survived in the wilderness by herself for approximately a month, and was forced in isolation in a cabin in the woods for another year.

The first time she got to actually go to the outside world to have fun like a girl her age should was at the snowball dance, in December of 1984 / January of 1985, and even she would still spend most of her time hiding from the world in the cabin. The only other time she got to live like a normal girl was when she went out shopping with Max. After that, she got involved again with the Upside Down, lost her father-figure, and moved to the other side of the country with people she barely knew.

As of canon, she has only been living in the real world for, and I’m being extremely generous with this estimate, fifteen months. Most people her age need time to grow on their own and focus on themselves, and they lived in relatively normal circumstances and in a society their whole lives. Saying that El may need some time to get to know herself first isn’t misogynistic, or ableist, it’s just common sense.

Ableist to El, Mocks El’s speech

Connected to the previous point. El is a fourteen year girl that spent twelve of those years locked away and being dehumanized and never getting the chance to properly socialize. It’s a reasonable thing to say that it will take her time to catch up to people her age who have lived in society their whole lives. It’s not ableist to point out this. In fact, completely ignoring this aspect of her character means ignoring the influence that it has on her character, which brings a whole layer of complexity to her.

Also, anyone who is ableist to El (or to anyone for that matter) sucks! I’m glad we can agree on that! But I’m not okay with mlvns crying out ableism any time someone criticizes the ship only to turn around and be ableist to Max or Dustin (and Gaten by default).

“El doesn’t understand being in a relationship”

Maybe she has an understanding of what being in a relationship means at the end of season four, but she should have never been put in a relationship so early on. Fresh-out-of-the-lab twelve-year-old El shouldn’t have been kissed and later put on a relationship with the first age-appropriate boy who showed her kindness and who had to explain her basic concepts like friendship and privacy. Those are concepts that are supposed to be taught by your parents— not your boyfriend.

May I need to remind people that this is a canon scene from season 3?

Mind you; she has been dating Mike for around six months already at this point.

Part of El learning to understand what being in a relationship means is also learning what kind of things she wants and can accept in a relationship, which, she spends most of season 3 doing.

Mike lied in the monologue

Well, sorry to tell you this, but… he did!

and El knows it.

MiIeven cheating trope!!

As someone who hates cheating and has been personally harmed by the actions of a cheater… let people write whatever they want in their fics. If someone wants to explore that in fiction then they should be able to do it. (Also, I doubt the Duffers would ever write Mike cheating on El, so you can relax about that).

Blames Millie for miIeven

I don’t associate myself often with her fandom because although she seems like a lovely person her fandom is absolutely rancid, but she seems someone who likes to play the audience and have fun. She had said she ships miIeven and wants a wedding for them. She had said she ships byler and wants a love triangle with them. Whether Millie actually means it, is pandering to the fandom, or it’s just straight up trolling and having fun… it doesn’t matter, and I doubt she actually cares as much as people want her to care.

Neither Millie nor any of the actors have any power over whatever decisions the Duffers end up choosing in their writing. If anyone blames any of the actors for whatever happens to their characters, they are fucking idiots; simple as that.

Sexist to El

And yet, mlvn shippers are the ones I often see saying how much El needs Mike, of how she would kill Will if Mike left her, of how she was capable of fighting Vecna only because Mike told her he loves her, of how the only person that actually cares about her is Mike, completely disregarding her family and friends that love her deeply.

I don’t know about you, but I think that reducing El to be this needy girl who is dependent on her boyfriend and makes her to seem that her boyfriend is the only thing she cares about and should care about is… really sexist.

El is a character who consists of two main parts: of trying to create her own identity and of wanting a family, which are both interconnected with how she was stripped of her autonomy since birth and how she wants to belong somewhere.

El grew for the first twelve years of her life with the understanding that love is transactional and conditional on what she can do for others. This is seen mostly in season 1, with El being used for Brenner’s experiments, and when she exerts herself to the point she almost dies for a group of kids that wanted to find their missing friend.

With every season, there is something new that she leans about herself that helps her become a person. Because that is an aspect that people rarely talk about El; she wasn’t even treated like a human being for 85% of her life, but rather just a lab rat.

In season 2, she embarks on a journey all by herself to find out about her mother, and later, her sister Kali. This remarks what El has been wanting her whole life— a family.

In season 3, she explores her identity and her likes and dislikes through fashion and hobbies for the first in her life with Max (I have a whole post about how El’s development of regaining her autonomy is shown through her clothes).

In season 4, she outright says that she doesn’t belong anywhere, and is struggling with the dichotomy that her powers bring: is she a monster or a superhero? At the end of the season, she has come to terms with the complexity of who she is, determining that she is both and neither, and she has finally found a family. She doesn’t belong to a specific place, but to people. Hawkins isn’t her home; her friends and family are. She belongs with them.

So, tell me: who is being sexist to El? You, who reduces her to her romantic relationship… or me? And yes, female characters can be in romantic relationships and still be their own characters, but El isn’t like most of female characters in the sense that she never got the chance to figure out her identity and what she wants before getting in a relationship.

Ships El with a random party member so Mike will be free

miIeven wishes they had what elmax has

“MiIeven is unhealthily and codepent”, “Mike pays too much attention to El, he doesn’t make time for his friends!”

I mean… I’m not the one saying it, blame the Duffers for that one.

Mike looks he is about to sneeze but he’s looking in Will’s directions so it’s heart eyes

If Mike looked at El the way he looks Will you wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it.

cr: @/mvltibyers

Taking the monologue and replacing El with Will and suddenly it’s peak romance

Why would I want byler to have that poorly lighted and directed, and badly written monologue when I already have this one?

Calls El bald and think they did something

I agree! It’s wrong to make fun of El being bald when that fact is tightly connected with how she was stripped off of her femininity as a form of dehumanization and it’s one of the most visible signs of the abuse that was inflicted on her.

However, may I need to remind you that those ‘jokes’ are usually in response with you calling Will literally homophobic slurs or are you going to play coy and innocent?

Compares Mike to Brenner

Blame the Duffers for this one, not us for noticing it.

Hates on Mike but wants him with their fave

You're so right! I don't see the point of shipping a couple if you hate half of it, especially because it would mean to reduce his character to be only a love interest and nothing else. Anyway, what character arc do you think Mike is going to go through in season 5?

Bring ups miIeven break up

They really couldn’t have made it more obvious that’s where they headed so, yes; I want them to break up and I think it will benefit both of their characters. Sorry for following the story, ig.

Says miIeven wasn’t together for s4

Don’t forget to mention how they also weren’t together for season 2 and most of season 3! In fact, it almost seems like after they shared the first kiss, they were never allowed to share a significant amount of screen time together again.

Also, Mike and El aren’t real people; if the Duffers don’t write them to share screen time together it’s because they don’t want to.

The Duffers wrote it so El spent most of season 2 searching for her mom and her sister and longing for freedom. The Duffers wrote it so El spent most of season 3 with Max learning about what she likes and trying to create her own identity away from male influence. The Duffers wrote it so El spent most of season 4 in NINA, which was probably the most important part of her character arc in the show so far.

The Duffers also wrote it so Mike spent most of season 2 with Will. The Duffers wrote it so the fight between Mike and Will was more emotionally charged than his breakup with El, and they wrote it so Mike and Will have a one-on-one goodbye scene just like miIeven and jvncy.

The Duffers wrote it in season 4 so Will is revealed as gay and in love with Mike in the same season that Mike can’t say ‘I love you’ to El, has a fight that, in his words, “can’t come back from”, for Mike to nod when Wills says: “what if they don’t like the truth?”, and needs to get backrubs and compliments from his bff so he can finally say that ‘I love you’ to his girlfriend while she in on the brink of dying. Oh, and also they spend the whole season together.

Go figure.

Calls El “Jane” or “Eleven”

Like everyone in the show does?

I think the only person that has never called her ‘Eleven’ is Hopper.

“You don’t understand Mike/El like I do!”

And I’m so glad I don’t.

[rakruined]

The Religious Implications of GotG vol. 3

So, it's Easter, and while I've got a lot of stuff to work on and things to do, I wanted to take the time to discuss the utterly insane things Guardians of the Galaxy volume three has done to my brain chemistry. After seeing @adamwarlock's post here, I've been thinking about just how many religious themes there seem to be in James Gunn's magnum opus. From a villain with a god complex to Rocket Raccoon becoming my new favorite satanic archetype maybe, this is gonna be a deep dive into everything I've picked up from the trailers so far.

So, let's start with the implications of that post I linked: "some corners of the galaxy consider (The High Evolutionary) God".

Now, the High Evolutionary has always had a theme of 'playing god' in the comics, what with his whole deal being creating sentient life from animal experiments, but in the MCU, his connections to Christian notions of religion are a lot more fascinating. For starters, his goal is stated to be wanting to create a "perfect society", which you'll notice looks a lot like suburban Bible Belt America, albeit with a lot more hybrid animal-people.

Now, in the comics, he uses Earth animals as a basis for his new lifeforms because he was once a normal human named Herbert Wyndham. He eventually traveled into space to continue his experiments on his own world, later adopting Adam Warlock (this will come back later). Given his desire to make himself more powerful in the movie, this makes him an interesting counterpart to MCU!Peter Quill, who was born with Celestial (ie. godly) power and left Earth not by choice.

Now, there are a few things they changed from the comics, his connection to Rocket being the most significant in the context of this story. While Halfworld performed similar experiments on Rocket and the other uplifts, the H.E had nothing to do with the planet. And while I'll get back to why his connection to Rocket is significant, as well as what I said about Adam, I want to get into another major change: his design.

Here we have the comics design on the left and the movie design on the right. But isn't his movie look almost priestly? Almost... familiar...?

IT'S FUCKMOTHERING ENRICO PUCCI WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

Okay, JoJo references aside, the High Evolutionary's connections to Adam Warlock definitely add to the whole religious overtones. I mean, a guy who's considered God has a perfect creation literally named "Adam", trying to create a perfect world? This shit writes itself. But if you consider a few additional facts, this takes on a pretty wild meaning. For starters, Adam has been stated to be relatively naive and innocent, unknowledgeable of the universe.

But where this gets interesting is that, based on Rocket's absence from most group shots during what is clearly being billed as the midsection of the movie (spacesuits scene, that fight where they're all in orange, the team arriving on Halfworld) that he possibly is captured by Adam and brought back to his creator for additional experimentation. Shots of someone implied to be Rocket on the operating table and Gamora carrying him to the ship half-naked serve as further evidence of a rescue mission.

But if he's captured by Adam Warlock, that means he has the opportunity to tell Adam what his creator is really planning. He has the chance to tell him how he was made and what the High Evolutionary's "perfect society" is built upon: the blood of innocent creatures he'd deemed imperfect. This could be what changes Adam, what makes him turn against his god and his Garden of Eden.

The voice of the devil on his shoulder.

Edit: I forgot to mention this wild coincidence! Gunn once said Rocket was inspired by Frankenstein's monster. It makes sense on the basic level of a tragic science experiment abandoned by his creator, but it gets even more bizarre. In the novel, the monster identifies with Satan in the book Paradise Lost, making him the same sort of tragic figure as Lucifer. Rocket too was an imperfect creation cast out by the "god" who made him. In this light, it's undeniable that yes, Rocket Raccoon is as much a satan figure as Adam Warlock is space Jesus.

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

12, 15 (I think I know this one but here's you're chance to wax poetic), 20 (can't be pyro), & 21 for avalanche!

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Since I have already posted a ton of headcanons for Pyro over the years, I'm giving this question to Morph from TAS. Exiles Morph was born with his X-gene activated (basically appeared as a white blobby vaguely human-shaped baby) and also lost his mother to cancer at around 13 or so. Since TAS Morph seems less powerful than Exiles Morph, I tend to assume they were born "normal" and developed powers later, but I consider the dead mother to be part of their backstory. So, my headcanon is that the first thing TAS Morph ever shapeshifted into was their mother - shortly after the funeral, when they were desperately missing her and wishing they could see her again. It completely freaked them out, and it took a little while for them to go, "Oh, I'm a mutant and also shape-shifting can be fun." But if any X-Man ever asks Morph how they discovered their powers, they always give a wacky joke answer because the truth is kind of a bummer and they don't want to get into all that, not to mention all the weird Freudian implications. (Of course, X-Men 97 might completely negate this headcanon.)

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

You're right, you know it's gonna be Pyro and Avalanche. Honestly, I just love the contrast of (relatively) serious, stoic, less chatty guy with excitable, extroverted gregarious guy (not mention the big guy/skinny guy aesthetic). I think Pyro is constantly dragging Avalanche out to DO things, and Avalanche (mostly) enjoys it. And the way those two have been together for so long, through thick and thin, Avalanche going with Pyro to the Savage Land to try to find a Legacy Virus cure even though he's not infected and there's no personal benefit for him. I can't imagine Avalanche going to such great lengths for anyone else. Like even in canon they are bros, even if the comics won't let them bang. From their very first introduction you see them having each other's backs and not really fighting with each other the way they both occasionally fight with Blob. And, much like Mystique and Destiny or Blob and Unus (or Black Tom and Juggernaut), I just love the idea of two criminals in love.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

For Not Pyro. Hmmm.....I'll say that I think Toad should be good friends with Blob, because they have both been on the same team (a few times), both have mutations that make them "ugly" in the eyes of most people, and are treated badly because of it. They've both been through some shit. And I think Freddy's general attitude of "Fuck you, I am who I am, and I'm okay with it," might help Morty deal with some of his own issues. Freddy doesn't really take any shit from anyone, and seems comfortable with himself in general, while Toad is always full of self-loathing.

But since Toad is currently part of the Exiles, I kinda hope he manages to bond with some of them. Third Eye at least reached out to him. Let Toad have some friends.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

For Avalanche - much like with Blob (or Pyro) I want to give him some internal complexity and not just write him as a dumb, violent criminal, even though all three of them often are in the comics. And filling in his backstory, of course, dude has been in comics for decades and we know almost nothing about him, even his supposed "wife." One of my headcanons is that he grew up in a large family as one of the older kids and therefore knows a lot about dealing with children because he was expected to help look after his siblings. Put him in a situation with a crying baby, and he will automatically take charge, whether he actually wants to or not, he just jumps into the role of "I guess someone has to deal with this." He has a love-hate relationship with his family, he hated all the expectations and responsibilities placed on him, but he misses the sense of community, and having a place where he "belonged." He also probably got kicked out for being a mutant.

What I don't like in fic - how the popularity of "Lance Alvers" from X-Men evolution has completely overshadowed Dominikos, and any fic with Avalanche in it will likely be Lance. Much like movie Pyro John Allerdyce has mostly overshadowed comics Pyro in fandom. And I actually like the adapted versions, sullen bad boy American teens Lance Alvers and John Allerdyce are both interesting characters. But they definitely are very different from their comics counterparts, Lance is basically just Rictor in all but name, and it's made it hard to find any fan works for the original versions of the characters.

[karoiseka]

ship ask game: karo and minfilia?

Going to meander a bit and make this a bit notes/list:

-Initial meeting, in either verse, Karo is comforted by someone understanding her visions--and instead of it feeling more friend/sisterish, the bond seems to be a bit deeper between them.

-Minfilia is always someone to come home to--more so in this verse. Karo gets to actually *bond* with someone early on, opening up in a way she didn't thinks she would, talking about her memory loss and her confusion and frustrations. Karo's quiet exuberance while still learning her place in the world meshes well with Minfilia's confidence, and the two become holy terrors to the other Scions with pranks,

-Move to Rising Stones/meeting F'lhaminn brings a weird sensation to Karo, knowing she's missing something with the family vibe. F'lhaminn takes her in like another daughter immediately, and it leaves a different ache in Karo's heart. Minfilia quietly starts looking for Karo's relatives, not knowing her Da and Pa have been watching quietly and are doing their best *not* to be found.

-Mor Dhona days are idyllic and wonderful and the two enjoy growing the scions and the crystal braves with Alphinaud, oblivious to the dangers growing around them.

-Nabriales kidnapping makes Karo snap into ultra protective mode, very very frustrated at her recent separation from her blessing. In this verse, Moen doesn't die--Karo's rage feeling the aether beam to destroy the Ascien even without a death--her bond with Kar'a unknown to her actually cementing into place and the shade of memory feeding her aether and a different sort of blessing.

-Banquet destroys Karo even more than normal. Blames Hydaelyn and Midgardsormer and starts HW even more isolated/numb to the world than ever. Goes through most of HW MSQ as if the puppet that others say she is--goes through the motions, doesn't let anyone get close, and doesn't understand why Haurchefant saves her.

-Post HW, getting Thancred and Y'shtola back helps a little, going to Antitower does *not* help. Think Thancred on the First but worse at this point. Almost let's Ardbert take her out on purpose--he stops instead, confused before Urianger pulls them all to the sea.

Aka, lots of angst, lots of drama, but I think while they're both there, in ARR they'd be quite good for each other. I ran outta steam to write about the First/what she finds there, but, I think you can kinda see where it's going. Takes Karo a very long time, and meeting Venat in person, to finally forgive her for taking Minfilia from her. Karo ends up a bit more dark, a bit more cold, and not quite as silly overall because of the early love lost.

Okay, rambling is over for now.

[mysterious-dark-shadow]

I’ve never liked phrases such as “you die a hero, or live long enough to be a villain” or “you will always be the villain in someone else’s story”. These phrases may seem comforting or helpful, but they are bandaids over uncomfortable truths:

- We are not storybook characters.

- There is no overarching plot that is guiding our lives

- We do not have predetermined roles to fill: villain, hero, victim, oppressor, etc.

This reality is tough to swallow. Accepting that you are just one of 8 billion people living on this planet, and your life is actually an insignificant speck of dust on the timeline of the universe is…kind of depressing, tbh. Many people turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, religion, fantasy, science-fiction, daydreams, or something else that provides a mental/emotional/physical escape to avoid this.

I have done this myself.

As a kid, my personal storyline of being a part of a ‘normal nuclear family’ imploded before my eyes when my dad was shoved in a cop car while my sister, my mom, and I watched in horror from across the street. The evidence was already there, but I refused to acknowledge it. Even after that traumatic event, I clung to the fantasy that “everything will be fine as long as I can put the broken pieces back together.”

The reality was (and still is) that my biological father was abusive: physically, emotionally, mentally & sexually; and my biological mother was unable to consistently care for me or my sister due (eventually diagnosed) manic-psychotic bipolar. This is tough for anyone to process, much less a 9-year-old with a crying 8-year-old clinging to their arm while they are being shipped off to a foster home, and then another, and another. But, I did not accept the role of victim because I did not want my life to be defined by what someone else did to me.

Instead, I tried to be a hero protecting the princess, a role gladly accepted by my sister. I would wipe her tears in the middle of the night, and tell her things would be okay. I confronted kids (and adults!) that were looking at her like some kind of sexual object because our story made the local news. I talked with teachers who were asking her to bring things from home that we did not have. I yelled at foster parents & relatives that made her feel stupid because she got B’s & C’s on her report cards.

I neglected my own health, losing sleep worrying about things most pre-teens have no conscious concepts of. I neglected my own sanity, feeding into a fantasy story of siblings braving the world together. I neglected my own safety, throwing myself into conflicts that could have ended with me seriously hurt, or worse.

If this were a story, there would be a resolution:

- The hero would save the day and everything is fine;

- The hero would die in a noble sacrifice and the princess would mourn him and everything is fine;

- The princess would grow and no longer need the hero and everything is fine;

- [insert concluding action here] and everything is fine.

But this was not a story, and everything was not fine. My sister went from loving the protection I offered to hating me for being “overbearing” and “bossy” and “annoying”. Now I was the villain, the scapegoat. She used me as her personal whipping boy: slapping me with open palms; punching me with closed fists; clawing me with sharp, sharp nails; even beating me once with a contact case inside a pillowcase (I was 14 when this occurred). But there were moments when she asked me to be the hero again, and I jumped back into the role, hoping that this meant the “villain era” would end. Spoiler alert: it did not.

This cycle continued until I went to a college thousands of miles away for my first semester as a freshman. I made tons of friends, became more confident, and enjoyed my studies. I tried calling my sister a couple of times, but she was always “too busy to talk.” So I stopped trying.

And then I went back “home” for Christmas break. My sister tried to tear me down verbally: criticizing my style, my choice of major, my taste in music. When I didn’t respond by playing the role of contrite scapegoat or belligerent villain, she tried guilt next: she was failing chemistry; she was not allowed to purchase clothes she wanted; I never called her. Instead of playing the hero role, I confronted her with facts: she currently had a C, and was on the cusp of getting a B if she studied a bit more; she was trying to purchase clothing that wouldn’t fit her for an event that was 12 months away; she was the one who texted saying she was too busy to talk.

If this were a story, there would have been a resolution and everything is fine.

The reality was much, much worse. She bit me. No…“bit” is an understatement: a 16-year-old grabbed my hand, clamped her teeth on my index finger, and tried to bite through it like it was a baby carrot. I had to pry her mouth open with my other hand and then get as far away from her as the room allowed before she clawed my eyes out. I spent the rest of Christmas break avoiding her at all costs, and then went back to college.

I ended up having a mental breakdown that semester, and my friends helped me through it. I did not call anyone outside the college. None of them believed me when I told them what happened between my sister and I, so I saw no reason to communicate with them about the mental health issues I was dealing with because of it.

I could continue with this personal account, but I would be beating a dead horse. In summary: my sister never let go of the roles she wanted me to play, so I am no-contact with her. My family didn’t believe me, so I am as far away from them as possible while being in the same country.

I say in my pinned post: “I will gleefully rip anyone apart that tries to put me in a box. I defy stereotypes because it’s fun.” because at this point, reality is much more fun than bending to someone else’s idea of what or who I should be.

Reality is messy. It is illogical, inconsistent, unfair, and dangerous at times. If I fed into a fantasy instead, my own or someone else’s, I would probably be dead. So, as much as it hurts, as depressing it is to sit with, I’d rather live in reality than chase a storybook resolution. Everything is never going to be fine, life is not going to be tied up in a neat little bow, but I’d rather live as a person than die as someone else’s hero, villain, victim, scapegoat, or other role.

I am one of 8 billion people living on this planet. I am just a speck on the timeline of the universe. And I love it.

[macaronmisc]

Morning musings

How do you train your brain out of viscerally disliking something harmless? I know a lot of people decide to make their discomfort everyone else's problem and I absolutely despise that behavior. I don't ever want to make someone else feel bad because I don't like their favorite series or character or ship or whatever because I know how much it hurts!

When you have something that makes you really happy, and other people try to make you feel like it's not okay, or twist themselves into circles doing mental gymnastics to make up reasons that you're a bad person for liking something just because they want you to not only stop liking what you like, but to feel horrible about liking it in the first place, I just want to say 'grow up already!' There are so many real world problems, people should take whatever happiness they can squeeze out of this world through storytelling and imagination. And I really love seeing people passionate about their favorite little guys.

I guess feeling like this gives me some insight into why people act utterly bonkers over things like shipping or make up rumors about creators to try and stop fandoms from growing. If you're a self absorbed person, of course you're going to think your feelings are the most important thing in the world, so feeling bad means you lash out instead of recognizing it's your own problem to manage. There will always be people with different tastes than you, and throwing temper tantrums and harassment campaigns or trying to make it some mind of morsl issue is just not going to change that fact. It's a genuine waste of energy to get upset over!

So I'm really mad I'm having this problem?! I at least know how to behave, but stopping the actual feelings causing it is something else. It's not something that I can reasonably expect to be tagged, or to just mute or block people in this case because it's relatively popular and seems to be growing. And besides, I'd rather tackle the root of the issue! I mean of course it's normal and okay to have dislikes, but they shouldn't be so strong they make you feel physically ill or ruin your mood for hours when they're literally harmless.

Argh, it's genuinely making me wonder if it's actually triggering. It would not be the first time I had a "what the fuck, REALLY?" trigger. But that wouldn't change the fact that it's my own issue.

I always worry that things I like are causing other people to feel this way, and even knowing that is genuinely not my problem, I still feel bad... until they try to make me feel bad. That isn't the solution, guys!

So how do I stop? Exposure therapy? Try to find things I can like about it? Be happy it's making other people happy? Vent to others who feel the same? That isn't working 😭 What else can I try?

[therealaves-blog1]

I want the void to see my takes on Star Trek: Coda

They vaporize the site from orbit and the attack stops. Everyone counts their dead and Chen a friend of Taurik morns him but realizes he might have left some knowledge in her brain when they accidentally pseudo melded earlier.

The Aventine arrives with the DTI B team from Watching the Clock while Tom Paris and Belanna Torres back on Earth meet with the head of the DTI and big wig admiral (apparently a prior adventure had them remember Year of Hell, which is cool) so they can give time advice.

Dax and co beam over and everyone interrogates the prisoner whose in some kind of insane transporter prison thing due to being a time ghost. He confirms hes Devidian and is basically puppeting the time ghost body around. They find out theyre trying to kill anyone who can interfere, like Wes, but seem to imply the various god beings are sitting this one out to see how it lands. Wes confirms this as the orgainians, among others he tried to contact are gone. the time ghost mocks him, implying they’ve killed all the other travelers which upsets Wes. They get to admit that the intentional diverging of timelines and subsequent destruction is a stress test for their big idea. The time ghost disconnects and basically dies. But Wes manages to get an idea of where they might be hiding. In sickbay Picard and Beverly worry about whether Rene can be returned to his correct age and list off two separate episodes where that shit happened. Rene is apparently mumbling in his sleep. Wonder if that will become relevant later.

Wes, Picard, Chen, the DTI, and others hop on over to the Aventine where the more cool and based ship’s better tech can be used to time travel. Which they then do to that planet Picard and Wes saw, but this time to some few thousand years in their relative future. Whole section has a vibe of ‘Picard’s in charge here’ which sucks cause this is Dax’s ship and crew. Show some damn respect old man. Planets lit up with time bullshit and they go down in a shuttle finding some crystal bullshit. They go inside and its like a hub for access to different timelines and shit and is one of many installations networked together. Theyre attacked and start trying to hold them off while Wes does space magic to connect to it.

The Aventine is also attacked but because they are better than the Enterprise they hold them off more effectively. Theres a breach and attacks continue but they buy enough time to let engineering do a energy wave that kills everything. on the surface a ton of people die before another ghost shows up and is talking mad shit before it gets 86d by the security detail. Chen is injured and starts old aging, one of the DTI and most of the security team are killed before Wes finishes and they get beamed back up.

We skip ahead to their return to the Enterprise to learn that the end of the chapter where Dax was under attack? that oh yeah that was her fucking dying. We learn this from her sad second in command (now acting Captain) Sam Bowers, as he talks with Picard about how sad it is that Dax is dead. Host and worm.

BOOOOOOOOO, fuck this, how dare. Ezri deserved better, cant believe they’re just trash canning her before she even got to talk HER GOOD FRIEND WORF OR CAPTAIN SISKO OR KIRA. OR EVEN FUCKEN BASHIR. HOW DARE SIR HOW DARE. 

I’m okay, im normal about Star Trek and can be trusted with material. Worf has another weird dream about fighting in the Ent D with the time ghosts and watching a security officer die. Hes weirded out but feels its important somehow and opts to discover it on his own. Its clearly Riker’s D that got got (teehee). Worf you have been through so much cosmic bullshit, I feel like not bringing this up straight away is a failure on your part. Your cool commanding officer (Sisko) straight up had religious visions and you were happy to engage with them. Now is not the time to revert to pre DS9 neuroses Worf.

Wes goes over the data and is like ‘Good news, we know what they’re up to. Bad news, oh fucking shit fucking good god no.’ So they’ve built a ton of those hubs across time space and different realities time and space. and they use them to funnel energy back to the main nucleus thing. They started with going into busted up timelines that were already near their end and triggering natural decay but this has expanded to higher and higher branch points along the timelines. with places that have natural time anomalies being inherently less stable. Wes muses whether this means that their branch can even be saved or if he’s done this many times on lower branches and this is just the furthest any version has gotten. Everyone is bummed out and they head for Earth to meet up with ol Bill Riker. End of book.

WORF DOESNT EVEN GET A REACTION TO EZRI’S DEATH. THAT IS BOTH HIS CLOSE FRIEND AND THE CONTAINER OF HIS LATE WIFE MEMORIES. HOW IS THERE NOT LIKE EVEN A MOMENT FOR HIM TO MOURN AND RAGE. BOOO. BOOO I SAY. BAD DEATH. EZRI DESERVED BETTER.

Next time, book 2, which opens with Sisko so Im already back in.

[reidyoulikeabook]

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know the Answer

4 times you don’t know the answer, and the 1 time you do

This is the 2nd part to Personal Google! (You don’t have to read it to understand this, but it exists if you want to).

Ship: BAU!reader x Spencer Reid

Summary: You’d call yourself a pretty educated individual, and most people wouldn’t argue with that, given that you’re a member of the BAU at Quantico. There’s just something about your best friend Spencer Reid that gets you all tongue tied.

Warnings: Mentions of cases and case-typical violence, mentions of alcohol, Spencer and Reader being idiots again.

Word count: 3k

A/N: The feedback (in asks and the tag reblogs) for Personal Google was so lovely and encouraging and I am very grateful for it! I only made this account a few days ago and I’m already so glad I did :) I hope this is a satisfactory second part and, requests are open!

(This is the Reid I’m imagining here)

“What is up with you and Reid?” Emily’s volume is unmoderated at the best of times but right now it’s like she’s trying to alert the entirety of Virginia to your dating woes.

Dating woes might be a stretch, actually. Somehow, just her implication that something is happening between you and Spencer (even though it isn’t, unless you count two exhausted idiots falling asleep on each other and being too bashful to ever mention it again), is enough to get you feeling uncharacteristically shy.

“Nothing,” you shrug, “Well. I don’t know, honestly, nothing I guess? We haven’t spoken about that night.”

Emily’s eyes rake over you, and you can tell she’s waiting for you to continue.

“There’s nothing!” you object, “We just, it was accidental, we fell asleep because we were watching a documentary and we were tired and neither of us fell asleep on purpose.”

She laughs, dry and amused, “At this rate, you’ll be lucky to have sorted things out before you’re 50.”

You scowl, but it’s only because you know she’s right.

***

You don’t have much time to think about your situation with Spencer for a few weeks, considering the rate at which the cases come rolling in. This newest one arrives within about two days of the last one you’d just wrapped up. It’s actually kind of rude, you’ve decided, that the serial killers of America have decided to deny you two weekends in a row.

You’re briefed on the case quickly: four women have gone missing over the past 7 months from a small town in Ohio. There’s no distinct pattern that can be discerned among the victims, the oldest is 60 and white, the youngest is 23 and Asian-American. However, the first three have been found dead in the past two weeks, all within a mile of each other and all killed with the same MO: ligature strangulation.

“So we have no idea how he’s choosing them,” you say.

“No,” Hotch replies, with a sigh.

Meaning that this is probably going to take a while. Spencer senses the way you tense up a little as you absorb that fact. So he goes out of his way to sit next to you on the plane. Once the discussion about the case is done, he nudges you gently, “Did you bring a book?”

You shake your head, “I finished the one in my go-bag. Didn’t have a chance to replace it.”

“Would you like to read this with me?”

You place your hand on his wrist, gently turning it so you can see the cover, “Spencer this is written in Greek.”

“I can translate,” he says.

You move closer to him then, your head resting just against his plane seat and your chin almost jutting against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?”

He nods. The remaining 45 minutes of the flight are spent with him reading to you softly, adding in his own thoughts as he translates and sometimes going off on little tangents. By the time you land you’ve entirely forgotten about your ire with the case. You’re focused only on the characters he introduces you to, who are clearly in love even if they’re too stupid to see it, and the way his nose crinkles a little when he reaches a word with no direct English translation.

Whhat you don’t realise, is that you end up folding into him: head pressed against his chest. Somehow, neither of you notice how you naturally gravitate towards each other. Some pair of profilers.

--

Hotch sends you in different cars to the precinct, and you’re soon reminded of your frustration as you’re caught up in the hub-a-bub of the case. It’s not until you’re leaving the station, after a long and relatively fruitless briefing with the medical examiners and local PD, that you even have time to acknowledge Spencer properly again.

And even then, it’s only when Hotch says.

"You'll be sharing a room with Reid, alright?"

He’s only really asking as a formality. Nobody questions Hotch’s assignments for them. So why, then, do you feel yourself flush a little.

Why then, do you feel so embarassed replying, “Alright.”

***

There was nothing much to be nervous about with sharing a room, as it so happened. The past day and a half had been a whirlwind since the unsub had snatched a fifth victim. You’d been sleeping in shifts, making sure that some of you were awake at all times to keep working.

You were working on the geographical profile with Spencer, and had taken to driving around to look for landmarks at night, when there was nothing much else to do. There were maps but sometimes it helped just to get things embedded in your brain. And now, at 4am, you’re bursting into the conference room occupied by Spencer and Rossi, because you might just have got something.

"I have an idea,” you say, and before anybody can even respond you’re scribbling hurriedly on the whiteboard.

“Slow down kiddo,” Rossi laughs.

“Sorry I’m just,” you cut yourself off, slightly flustered and tapping your foot with frustration as you try to put the last pieces of it together, “Diana Matthews.”

“Yeah?” Spencer responds.

“She was the one who lived on Lakefield right?” Rossi asks.

Annoyingly, you can’t remember off rote. Spencer sees the pinch of frustration in your brow. He senses that you’re heading for the case file.

So, he answers, “Yeah 38 Lakefield Drive.”

Smiling gratefully at him, you breathe a sigh of relief, “There’s three different stores in the area for this local electronic repair company, Gladston Digital, in this area. Two of them aren’t accounted for on the maps because these are from last year, and one of the ones on Google is pinned to the wrong street, there are two Minister Avenues and one’s on the complete opposite side of town.”

Denoting the map with annotations as you go, you continue, “All of the victims had residences within a mile of one of the three stores. And we interviewed the area manager, Paul something, he manages all three stores. He came to speak to me and Hotch while we were scoping the area.”

“Inserting himself into the investigation,” Rossi notes, “Fits the profile. A stalker like that would want to remain an illusion of control.”

“I just need to get Garcia on the phone to see if it checks out.”

Spencer just watches, slightly in awe, as you make the phone call to Garcia. She manages to cross-reference bank statements and emails, showing that all five of the victims had taken something of theirs in for repair sometime in the year before their disappearance. And he feels something in his gut. Pride? Maybe. That’s certainly a part of it.

But there’s something else in there too. Your eyes meet his, with a flicker of recognition. He realises what it is then: marvel. Your brain works so fast, and that’s not novel to him, he knows you’re intelligent but there’s just something about how fast you manage to put it all together. You conjure something out of nothing, a link that he’d missed. And he’s reminded, again, that he has to try and keep up with you sometimes. He wonders if you know that.

Probably not, he thinks. You’re rambling down the phone and gesturing with your hands, in a way you may or may not have picked up from him, and all he can think is how you look so in your element. And beautiful.

He’s a little embarassed about how normal it feels for that last observation to pop into his head.

***

“To _____!” Prentiss cheers.

8pm has rolled around. Since your revelation 16 hours earlier, you managed to confirm your thinking, apprehend Paul Bader, and save the fifth victim. All in all, a pretty good days work. It’s not just down to you, but everyone’s singing your praises so loudly it’s making you a little embarassed.

Even Hotch sets a drink down in front of you, squeezing your shoulder, “Really good work today ____.”

Fair to say you’ve probably peaked there.

Spencer is sat to your left, sipping at a Mai Tai that you know is going to have him giggly in about an hours time.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you out before,” you tell him, “I was going to come and wake you up when I got back but you were in the conference room.”

He smiles, “I know. It was my shift to sleep.”

“Bet you’re paying for that now.”

“A little,” he chuckles, “It’s worth it.”

"I just didn’t want you to think I was hanging you out to dry. You know, to make myself look good,” you decide to press further: mostly just because the team has sung your praises and that kind of attention makes you shirk at the best of times. Let alone when you’re sat with the guy responsible for creating half the damn profile.

His eyebrows furrow. You worry for a minute about what he’s going to say, but then, “I would never think that about you. We’re a team.”

He squeezes your hand. Maybe that’s your favourite thing about Spencer, really. More than the fact he remembers to get your caffeine just how you like it, more than how gentle he is with just about everybody he encounters, more than his relentless enthusiasm for your questions about whatever pops into your mind. No, it’s his modesty. The way he doesn’t even think for a moment to be prideful or arrogant about his intelligence. He genuinely roots for you in every moment, you think.

“Are you okay?” he asks, “You seem a little..quiet.”

It wasn’t until he mentioned it that you realise you’d let your thoughts run away with you, “No. I’m good. Just thinking about how good of a teacher you are.”

“You think so?”

“Of course I think so. You’ve taught me. I didn’t know the first thing about geographical profiling when I got here two years ago. I could barely read a map,” you laugh, keeping your tone sincere, “You’re a really good teacher Spence. I feel like I learn so much from just being around you.”

“I often don’t give you much choice.”

You smile, “I wouldn’t want you to. Really. I’m always interested in everything you have to say. I think you know that. But I wanted to tell you anyway. So you’re sure.”

He’s incredibly grateful you get pulled into a conversation by Morgan, giving him a moment to process.

A lifetime of being insecure. Of feeling like nobody was interested in what he had to say but not being able to really control whether he said it anyway. All this time being insecure in himself, and you liked it. Complimented him on it, even. Considered him a teacher. He doesn’t think he could articulate, in any of the languages he speaks, the sense of peace that brings him.

-----

The Mai Tai’s do make him sleepy. Buzzed, but sleepy. After being bought rounds by Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer, you’re feeling exactly the same. It’s only 10:30pm by the time you decide to make your departure for the night. This is much to the chagrin of Emily, who lolls against Rossi’s side demanding that you stay.

“Some of us have been up since 4 this morning, breaking their backs to keep this country safe,” You tease, putting on a melodramatic air just for affect, “Besides, you’re going to regret this when you have to be up and back on the jet in the morning.”

“You will, especially since you still owe me that report,” Hotch teases, with a smile.

Emily rolls her eyes, “You two are no fun.”

She’s joking, goading you, but unfortunately for her you have a sleepy Spencer nuzzling against you which is a far more pressing matter to deal with.

“Come on Spence, let’s get you to bed,” You say, gently wiggling out from under him and offering him your hand.

He pouts at the momentary loss of contact. It’s subtle. You catch it though. He links his fingers through your own, holding your hand properly, and you try not to read into it too much. He’s tipsy. He’s tired.

Ignoring the deliberately obvious eyebrow-wiggling from Morgan, you make for the lift.

“You didn’t have to come to bed just for me,” Spencer says, “I feel bad for taking you away from the others. I’m not that drunk, I could get myself to bed.”

You shake your head, “I wanted to go to bed with you.”

His eyes snap to you, a grin playing on his lips.

“I mean, I wanted to go to bed. And we’re sharing a room. So I’m going to bed with you. As in we’re going to the place where bed is, together.”

He’s just enough tipsy to be confident enough to jest, “Sure.”

You roll your eyes, “You sound like Morgan.”

“What did Morgan say?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what Morgan always says whenever anybody goes off together.”

“That they’re having sex,” He giggles, tipsiness shining through again.

“Yes, Spence, that they’re having sex.”

“But we’re not.”

The elevator dings as you arrive at your floor, saving your brain from delving into the implications of what he’s just said. And whether that was a disappointed or netural tone.

He hasn’t let go of your hand. He walks to the door with you, still keeping your hand in his. It’s hard not to let yourself read into it now. How holding hands with him could be such a casual thing. Hard not to imagine walking through bookshops with him, one hand in yours and the other picking books off the shelf he thought you’d like. The domesticity of it sickens you.

Then he lets go to cross to the bed.

“Aren’t you gonna put your pyjama’s on?” You ask.

“I wasn’t gonna sleep yet,” he says, “I was gonna...”

He looks bashful, suddenly, self-consciously licking his lower lip, “I was gonna ask if maybe you wanted to watch something with me. You can pick. I always pick.”

“This an excuse to get me in bed with you again, Spence?” You tease, just past tipsy enough not to care that this is the first time you’ve even acknowledged that night.

"Yeah, the Pearl Harbour ruse doesn’t work twice,” he jokes.

You wish you could find the courage to tease him more. Unfortunately, the liquid courage seems to have run out, and the topic somehow feels too delicate to touch.. Instead, you change quickly into your pyjama’s. Together, you pick something to watch, settling down. You’re suddenly thankful for the single bed, the necessity to be cozied up against him as you watch. To feel his chest, every beat of his heart. You swear it’s beating fast. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

***

Just like last time, you wake up huddled against Spencer. Unlike last time, there’s no Emily banging the door down to drag you to the police station. No, it’s quiet.

You can’t see what time it is because there’s a Spencer between you and the clock. Your phone is in your back pocket but it’s hard to find any motivation whatsoever to move when you’re like this: face pressed into his chest, his head resting atop of yours so a single curl of his hair tickles your nose, his hand on your hip holding you against him.  

His eyelashes flutter, “Are you awake?”

“Yeah. I just woke up.”

He smiles, “Me too.”

“Looks like we did it again.”

“Looks like we did,” his voice is quiet.

“Do you want me to move? If I’m...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

His free hand comes up to your chin, tipping it so you’re looking him directly in the eyes. His pupils are dilated. In the dim light it’s hard to place the look on his face exactly. But it’s soft.

"C-Can I kiss you?” the question spills quickly from his lips, like he’s afraid he’ll change his mind if he doesn’t get it out fast, “I just. I don’t know if that’s what you want too, I’ve just really-”

"Kiss me, Spence. Please kiss me.”

The smile on his face would have made you fall in love with him, if you weren’t already. And then he kisses you. Barely. Your lips are just grazing against one anothers. You tilt yourself upwards, towards him, giving him a better angle. Then he really kisses you, capturing your lips in his. It’s sweet, it’s soft, it’s...it’s everything. It’s everything, how his hands tangle themselves tentatively in your hair, how he kisses you so deeply, drinking you in.

His hand cups your cheek, then he’s pulling back, just a tiny bit, to mumble against your lips, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

The only appropriate way you can think to verbalise your agreement, is closing the gap between your lips again. There’s an urgency to it this time. Your lips move quickly, passionately. He swipes his tongue across your lower lip and you let him in, your tongues delicately dancing together. He’s good. He’s good and you don’t even notice the morning breath or faint taste of rum, it’s just Spencer.

When you finally come apart, you’re out of breath.

“I didn’t think you’d ever do that,” you say, “I was worried I was reading this whole thing wrong.”

He frowns then, that little nose crinkle appearing again, “I thought I was too obvious.”

“So did I. Maybe it’s best if we don’t tell Hotch how bad we are at profiling each other. He might rethink his decision to take us on.”

He laughs, “Not being able to profile when somebody’s in love with you might be a cause for concern. There are several obvious phyical signs of love, including dilation of pupils when looking at the object of your affection, heart rate synchronisation.”

“How am I supposed to know if our heart rates have synchronised?”

He smiles. Pressing a finger to your lips, he dips his head in the small chasm between your two chests. In the silence, in the early morning quiet, in the absence of all distraction you can hear it. The steady thrum of your hearts, pounding away at identical paces. The sound that told you that some part of you had always known.

--------------

Tagslist: @takeyourleap-of-faith​​ @sassiest-politician​​ (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from this list)

[arbitrarygreay]

The Salvatore School Shipping Megapost

tl;dr polycule centered on Panda Squad

So the thing is, Hope is annoyingly monogamous in Legacies. She shows zero attraction to anyone who is not Landon, despite the show playing around with the ideas of Rafael, Ethan, and Clarke. We don't even know what her crush on Josie might have looked like. As such, even my favored femslash relationships don't really twig when Hope and the other party are in a good place with each other. What you do get, subtext-wise, is Hope having Feelings when her relationship with anyone isn't quite on track. And, of course, the show packs in all of this stuff about Hope repressing herself in order not to become A Great Evil, and that she does have the capability to be a real social butterfly (and yet even in that relatively unrestrained state, annoyingly monogamous!). The implication is that poly!Hope really only happens in a semi-bad end where she "snaps" and embraces the family hedonism. Otherwise, she'll be clinging to illusions of what normal romantic (monogamous) relationships should look like. So, sadly, I can only see her being partnered with one primary in this polycule, and merely being accepting of having metamours. Everyone else, on the other hand, seems like they could get into the swinging life, and then move on to poly. The show avoided any hint of that (the most we get is Alyssa cheating on MG offscreen), unlike the TORN FEELINGS DRAMZ of TVD and TO, because the writers are apparently nerds hard into traditional ideas of romance, but they and the actors also don't quite know how to differentiate friendship, romance, or lusty chemistry, so their no-romos have the cred of a no-homo by dint of their yes-romos being indistinguishable from the no-romos. Hope-Landon: I like it, to be honest. Landon is so traumatized by episode 2 that he goes all in on communication and truth, and then after the Miss Mystic Falls ep, he is almost always a supportive boyfriend. The show literally has to keep doppelgangering him in order to make Hope not trust him. They have Locked Tomb vibes, with every bit of irony that entails. I'm okay with Landon being a primary! Hope-Lizzie: Yeah, yeah, I'm so easy, I have a ship Type. Where Hope-Landon is a ship that would proceed stably along if it weren't for external factors, Hope-Lizzie is a ship where they want to be on-side, but their very personalities keep leading to them clashing, partially because they don't back down on each other, in positive and negative directions. This harkens back to the way TVDU and TO did relationships that just kept vacillating between opposing polarities, but always with the amplitude on high. No wonder it's compelling as a ship! However, in practice, the "there's never any doubt that they have strong Feelings about each other" is really from Lizzie's end. Hope does desire friendship with her (the strongest point for the ship as mutual feelings is that losing her sire bond is the first tipping point for Hope's humanity coming back), but for the most part, there's an argument to be made that Hope fears loneliness more than wanting any friend in particular. She's used to being resigned about the twins. What's different about Lizzie, though, is that after they reconcile in S1, Hope begins to meet Lizzie where Lizzie is, not holding back on her when they disagree. Because Lizzie is such a dynamic character, and everyone else goes with placating her, this makes Hope-Lizzie a dynamic with more consistent sparks than any other combo, but it's dependent on Lizzie providing that high base level of emotion for Hope to mirror. And, when Hope herself goes too far, the other (more mentally stable) characters tend to choose to disengage, whereas Lizzie is the one who will indignantly go after Hope, which leaves her as the only option for Hope to engage with. So, Hope-Lizzie is endgame in a world where Hope continues to get more dramatic like her family, but otherwise, it's likely that Hope will pick a more "oasis-type" partner. Hope-Josie: Basically femslash Hope-Landon, lol. I have nothing against this ship, but the show doesn't give us much of a look at what their dynamic is without external factors dominating their conversations (all other convos they have are basically processing their childhood). However, Josie's entire arc during the show is that she decides that being around the Squad doesn't allow her the space to re-discover herself and so she has to peace out, and that includes all of Hope's DRAMZ. So, this ship is either something that happens down the road, as like the alternative to the above (Hope picks Lizzie if she embraces the dramaaaaa, and could pick Josie if the world lets her be chill instead), or you have to go with Hope-Twins, lol. (Sidebar, Spring Break Fire is canonically 3 years before S1, and Legacies canonically begins while Hope is 17, meaning that their crushes possibly overlapped before Josie literally burned it all down lol.) Hope-Twins: Yeahhhhh Panda Squad OT3 get it! My actual favorite Legacies ship. Unfortunately, there aren't any fics of this on AO3 that aren't just pure porn, because the Legacies fanfic writers are COWARDS. This ship works out in particular for Josie because per above, just Hope-Josie would still put the onus of support on Josie, but in the Panda Squad configuration, Lizzie makes doubly sure to put Josie first, which solves that issue. The problem, as usual, is that in canon Hope ditches them quite a lot! It's almost like Hope is the Lizzie to the twins' M.G. Hope-Cleo: Into it! Panda Squad is honestly cheating a bit by building in all that history, Hope-Landon gets the canon fiat, but Hope and Cleo have tons of chemistry without either. Cleo also can understand the burdens of being someone chosen, of being elevated in a way that makes others continually look to her. Hope-Clarke: One of the unique things the show did was that Hope stayed devoted to Landon throughout the series. One of the side-effects of this was that there was never a brooding bad boy love triangle rival (which matches the show's not-so-subtle dislike of Damon). At the sme time, that's not going to stop teenage girls from loving that kind of ship, which is why HoLarke seems fairly popular in Legacies fanfic. Honestly, I can relate. HoLarke isn't unlike Hizzie, as a dynamic where both characters are constantly challenging each other, with all of the chemistry sparks that generates. It is to the show's credit that they subverted those expectations so thoroughly (the utter reversal of everything in season 4 was perfect for the themes they were going for in that episode), but hey, ship potential has little to nothing to do with how a canon should go. Hope-Josie-Landon: Lizzie would never let them live it down, lol. This could be the most chill and supportive threesome ever, but I think that they would not be able to weather consistent external pressure without starting to be bad for each other. Essentially, they would gift-of-the-magi themselves into destruction. Lizzie-Hope-Landon: I honestly think that this could go the distance! Lizzie would never actually fall for Landon, but I think that Landon would rise to her provocations and earn her respect, becoming an even better partner for Hope in the process. Landon can moderate when Lizzie and Hope get too into it, as well. As some have pointed out, Lizzie and Landon are both all in on chairing the "no Hope self-sacrifice" club. The fact that they don't mind openly arguing with each other, though, means that they would call each other out before ever running into the situation as described above for Hope-Josie-Landon. Rafael ships: I don't know if this was an acting choice or not, but Hope showed zero feelings for him whatsoever, so Hope-Rafael was sunk from the start. She showed more interest in Ethan than Raf in the Croatoan ep. They also completely dropped the Rafael-Josie thing they played with in the first couple of eps, which was weird. Meanwhile, I do think that down the line, Raf and Lizzie could work, as mature adults, but the show never let us see them really interact after season 1. In general, the show did not know what to do with Raf, and did not let him develop any relationships beyond Landon and Hope, which was a real problem with the writing. No wonder the actor bowed out after S2. Ignoring how badly canon treated Raf, though, I would have been rather into a Hope-Raf, Josie-Landon configuration, because that was some of the best Raf-Landon times, ironically. Raf wasn't wracked by angst, and Landon was really happy for him. Landon-Rafael: The show didn't let Rafael have any other relationships! And at the same time, they didn't let him provide any meaningful resistance to Malivore, either. Change the latter, and this ship basically sails itself. Twincest: Look, I am not immune to wincest. Movies and TV continue to stubbornly not believe that "codependent battle couple" isn't shipping catnip, and their current strategy to no-homo/no-romo the subtext is to make them siblings (see: Frozen, Alias, Supergirl, Merlin, Arrow, Kill La Kill), but that doesn't change that the underlying dynamic is still shipping catnip. Their storylines together were simply the most interesting in the show, too. Ben-Wyatt-meme-"It's all about the [devotion]." Lizzie-MG: Writing really sunk them on this. There's no sense that Lizzie would ever seek out MG in order to relax and have fun, or that MG would enjoy the things that Lizzie was into, or how they would talk to each other without plot reasons to drive the conversation. They're very cognitively aware of each others' appeal points, but this doesn't translate into being able to spark joy for each other in the day-to-day. Even with the "Lizzie is a closet geek" characterisation, which I honestly find dubious, the fact that she so doggedly never indulged that with MG says something about them. Plus, as the whole show's run demonstrated, Lizzie has never put MG first, and MG became a stronger leader by staying away from her. They might work if they skipped straight to raising a kid together, because having that focus would paper over their chemistry gaps, but the moment that kid flew the coop they would crater. Lizzie-Ethan: So, Lizzie's stated taste in ep 1 is hot+angry+damaged, which plays out with Rafael and Sebastian, but obviously the show was subtly linking that to her self-loathing, and the long arc of Lizzie-MG was partially to demonstrate that her tastes would change as she got to a more mentally healthy place. However, she is attracted to Dak Romo, and then just two episodes later, is not attracted to the actual much-more-like-MG Ethan. (And she acknowledges that bad-girl-image Finch is hot, as well.) Then, in S4, she uses Ethan the same way she uses MG, exploiting their blind spots for her. So really, these two ships are basically the same ship, and both demonstrate how much Lizzie is not into either of them. But also, her using Ethan also reinforces that she wants someone with that dark streak, someone willing to be ruthless. Something something supreme daddy's girl something. She doesn't want Big Blue Boy Scout, she wants Wonder Woman snapping Max Lord's neck. MG-Ethan: YES. The Blur-some and E-ssential! Mighty Guy and Rescue Guy! They were a real love story over the course of S3 and S4, and MG had as much chemistry with Ethan as with Kym and Nia. They confide in each other, they try to be better men for each other, they love hanging out, they would be good together. Lizzie-MG-Ethan: Look, this would be a really compelling ship to think about if canon execution hadn't throroughly squashed any notion that Lizzie has credible feelings for either of them. But setting that aside, S4 rather made the case for V-configuration with MG as the pivot, with Lizzie and Ethan as just metamours. Also, the main thing for them is that they would be unstoppable as a football team. Lizzie-Landon: lel. But why not? If the show can try to make Lizzie-MG happen, then Lizzie getting over her nerd hangups could happen with Landon. Of course, this would have to be a no-Hope AU. But we know that Lizzie can be impressed with Landon's moments of showing spine, and once Landon has that kind of loyalty in his corner, I think he would develop to respond to it. MG-Kaleb: They're pretty emblematic of my ambivalent feelings about the show as a whole. The highs are incredibly rewatchable highs, but in between you have a lot of inexplicable time where they seem not to know the other exists, and then also lows where they're arbitrarily estranged for reasons that don't ring true. It hurts this dynamic in particular more than others because there's so little about their dynamic that organically implies the latter two cases. Sure, they could have leaned into the early days of Kaleb stabbing MG in the back during StuCo elections, but the show did not do that, so. They would make a strong romance, nonetheless, but not as primaries, because I think they really prioritize that family connection more, and so retain each other as people to confide in when they're having conflicts with their primaries. Kaleb-Cleo: They're cute. Pancakes was easily their best scene. However, it feels like Kaleb's character development with Cleo wasn't continuous with his character development with everyone else, and that felt odd. Their relationship had very little to do with the primary themes associated with their characters otherwise, not even in a "they are an oasis from the stress of their lives" way. Kaleb-Jed: The last vampire-werewolf rivalry! I would watch that enemies-to-frenemies-to-lovers. Lizzie-Jen: I'm not sure this does work, really, because the worst Lizzie's parents have ever been is not being there in person while working their hardest to make the best world for her and Josie. She fundamentally doesn't know what it is to have a malicious family (even including Dark Josie). I feel like Lizzie wouldn't have the necessary empathy for that not to cause a major conflict in a relationship down the line. But they would work well as non-primaries. Josie-Penelope: I'll agree with a lot of people that this was my favored Josie canon ship, but that's mostly on the strength of Penelope as a character. The relationship itself was pretty one-sided as we saw it in canon, which limits my ability to visualize what they would look like if they were together for the long term. Josie-Finch: It's fine. You can see all of the writing's intentions, and they're executed fine. Josie helps Finch enter a world where she's no longer a loner, and Finch turns that loyalty into someone Josie always has in her corner. But I just don't watch TV for "fine" relationships. Mainly, this ship was at a disadvantage for always limiting Finch's inclusion into the Squad. There's a problem when your reactions to Lizzie aren't distinct! In that sense, the Finch-Jed friendship arc was more interesting. Josie-Jade: We didn't actually get to see what their relationship would have been like. Seems like it would have been pretty boring, or it would have been a case where Jade has hangups and Josie focuses on them, so they have to break up because Josie needs to prioritize herself, etc. They might have done well in a dark AU, with all of the betrayal and Rippers and Dark Josie and whatnot. Other Ethan ships (Hope, Josie): The show was weird about Ethan, throwing him at every member of Panda Squad as a potential love interest, but then not following up except for Lizzie. Hope was sunk by aforementioned annoying monogamy (i.e. she was still hung up on Landon), while Josie was sunk by both Maya's preexisting crush, and Josie's guilt over breaking his arm. Speaking of which, did Ethan ever get to process that with Josie? Jed-Ben: It's fine. They're extremely pretty. They had a lot of future potential. Again, though, the Jed-Finch friendship arc was more interesting. Other MG ships (Alyssa, Kym, Nia): MG sure got to mack on so many people. I think Nia was MG's best match. Kym was a lot of fun, but the point of her being in too much danger is valid. Alyssa ironically shares the same problems as Lizzie, where they theoretically like that MG is kind and supportive, but don't actually like or respect what MG does for his own sense of fun day-to-day, which is toxic in the long run. Twins-Alyssa: Mean Girl Hatefucking Fun Times

[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter 3)

A/n I CANNOT believe how many people have supported this story,, I’m so excited to continue it with you guys :)) 

Just a reminder that while this is based off the show i hope to blend in some book aspects/vibes and this is just a fanfic and it won’t be completely accurate/follow the show 100% and any changes I make/parts I chose not to focus on are for the sake of the story I’m trying to tell 

-- 

I can’t tell if I wish Kaz had let me go with Inej or not. She’s faster than I am, and considering that I have no real reason to be loyal to them, I’m a flight risk. That means I’m stuck here with only the Kaz Brekker and Jesper, who I tricked. I hadn’t exactly befriended Inej entirely in the few minutes I was alone with her, but she seemed more trustworthy than them. More susceptible to reason. And when she heard where I was from, who was responsible for raising me, something in the way she watched me changed. It was the oddest combination--a look of both tired sympathy and cautious admiration.

“What I don’t understand…” Jesper breaks the silence. “Is why you all go back there. He lets you leave, he gives you money--there’s no reason to return.” 

I try not to let the question anger me. I shift awkwardly, scratching at my palm. “We tried leaving.” My stomach knots. “Once.” How do I make them understand? “He caught us because we young and stupid, and then he…” I exhale slowly. They’re just words. They don’t change anything. Whether I speak them or not, the events of my history aren’t different. “He picked the youngest, a girl only six months younger than me, and he slit her throat from ear to ear and took a finger of anyone that flinched as her blood splattered onto them. He said her blood was our penance and to live with knowing what we did to her would be our punishment.” 

I don’t tell them that I was twelve. I don’t tell them Anya lied about my birthday on the records. I don’t tell them I’m missing the very tip of my pinky--a small punishment for the twitch of my lip. “When Kenya is truly angry, he never hurts you--he hurts those around you.” No one responds to that. They’re making me seem like such a bummer. “It’s not awful all the time...he borders on agreeable when you listen to him.” 

Most days we have peace, left to our own devices as long as we accomplish certain goals. Their silence does little to unnerve me. After speaking so freely of such a nightmare, the desire to be rid of the taste of those words from my mouth is almost overwhelming, but I hold to the silence. 

“Why has he never sold you to the grisha that are so desperate for you?”

Of course Kaz Brekker would ask a question like that. “He isn’t the business of money, he’s in the business of creating gods. He indentures people he thinks could one day become saints or something else entirely. He wants to be owed by the heavens.” 

I watch Kaz carefully, a part of me curious about how someone like him could react to a goal like that. I can see him understanding the ambition of it all, but I can’t imagine himself a person of faith. Perhaps he’ll think it a clever trick. Perhaps he’ll even agree with Kenya.

He nods once; something I get nothing from. 

Whatever. He can be coy and distant this entire time. They all can. I’ll be out of here soon enough, and I’ll find Anya. And if I can stop something bad from happening to Alina then that’s a bonus I’m willing to take risks for. 

“That man is awful.” 

Inej’s voice comes from right behind me. I snap my head around. “You’re in here.” 

She nods once, oblivious to how shocking her sudden appearance is. She hands me a knapsack casually, staring at Kaz. “What’s the plan? We have six hours.” 

I look around the room, only seeing one closed window and one closed door. “There’s one door in this room.” 

“We take the Inferni to the ship.” He doesn’t even bother looking in my direction. 

Okay, they can be mean to be all they want but they can’t ignore me. I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored in my entire life. Gods in the making get attention. It may be the cruel attention of fate, but it’s something. 

“Did she come in through the window?” 

Again, I am ignored. 

“And then what, boss?” Jesper casually crosses the room, sitting down next to me on the small couch. It’s like I’m not even here. “We’d need to break into the Little Palace to get Alina.” 

What? “You guys are going to--” No. No. I am not kidnapping Alina. And there’s no way she’d be in the Little Palace. “First off--if you want to kidnap Alina Starkov for whatever insane ploy you’re all playing at, you’d never find her at Little Palace. She’s not a Grisha and second--” I cut myself off, standing from my seat. “Why am I even telling you this? I shouldn’t be helping you kidnap her.” 

Kaz’s eyes dart to me boredly. At least it’s some kind of acknowledgement of my existence. “I thought you two weren’t close.” 

I seriously consider scorching him. Just a little. Not even enough to scar him, just enough to get him to shut up. “She’s still a person who has a right to her body and what happens to it.” 

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but if we pull this off we get one million kruge.” 

What does he think I’m going to say? ‘Okay, well as long as you’re doing it for a good reason.’ Is that the response he expects. “Okay, well that makes it fair.” 

His eyes narrow skeptically, but Jesper is the one to ask, “Really?” 

“No,” I scoff, slumping back into my seat, “I was being sarcastic.” 

I drop my head back, neck craning over the back of the small couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it makes it easier to ignore them. I’ve kept worse company for less. There’s an odd silence for a long second. I look forward without moving, I see Kaz vaguely gesture in Inej’s direction.

“Y/n,” Inej’s voice is refreshingly measured, “I think after the kinds of things we’ve gone through we understand that there’s some relativity in morality.” 

I shift my head to the right so I can look at her. “...Yes, but you’re just forcing another girl into a similar situation.” Why is Alina even worth so much? “And why would anyone pay so much for Alina?” 

Inej hesitates, glancing at Kaz and then back at me. “She’s a Sun Summoner.” 

On instinct, I straighten entirely, my body rigid. They’re insane. “You all are cracked if you think Alina’s a Sun Summoner.” No. No. It couldn’t be her. “Bless your hearts, seriously, she’s--she was trained to be a map maker--she’s not…” None of them relax, none of them shift in any way. What good would lying about this bring them? They have no reason to lie about this. “Saints, I should have had more to drink while downstairs.” 

So what if she’s a Sun Summoner? She didn’t ask to be one. She doesn’t deserve this. I cross my arms. “It doesn’t make this okay.” 

“And would it make it okay if you were getting a cut of the profit?” What? 

Kaz is looking at me in that tactful way. It takes all of my focus to not let myself become unnerved. “What?” 

“If I offered you a cut, would you be able to push aside more protests in order to make working with you easier?” 

Could I do it? Could I betray Alina? I drop my gaze away from his, opting to focus on the forgotten lantern on the coffee table in front of me. It flickers to life with no conscious prompting on my part. The flame is low and blue. Still though, Kaz notices it. What doesn’t he notice? 

“I can help you do what I agreed to.” I swallow around a lump in my throat, “But I cannot help you kidnap Alina.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs downwards. “We’re just going to get her to work with us.” 

“Work with you?” 

“We never said anything about taking her, and if Alina is really your friend you should know that the entire world is after her. Better us who can get her out of an unwanted situation quickly than the brutal General Kirigan who will hold her hostage until she does what he wants.” 

...I guess he has a point. “Oh.” I’m not naive enough to think that their methods will revolve around making Alina comfortable, but perhaps it’s not as dark as I assumed. “Maybe I was a little quick to assume…” I trail off awkwardly, looking at Inej for some type of reassurance. She avoids my gaze. 

I scratch the back of my arm, feeling like a spiraling child. I pick up my knapsack and place it on my lap, fiddling with the strap. 

“Come on,” Kaz stands, adjusting his grip on his cane, “We only have until sunrise.” 

As I stand, I pull down the skirt of my dress, suddenly aware of how inappropriate my clothing is for this late in the night. “Can--can I change first?” 

It’s a sheepish question, leaving me feeling like a child. 

“Five minutes,” Kaz offers, stepping out of the room with the rest of them. 

Inej leaves last, feet more silent than a cat. She offers me the tiniest hint of a smile. Despite my reservations, I beam at her. Something about me finds her politeness endearing despite it all. I think she closes the door loudly on purpose, to assure me of privacy. 

Normally changing in a building so full of drunk men would leave me nervous, but knowing Inej is outside leaves me feeling safe. I may not trust her with my life but something about her being tells me she values personal autonomy enough to protect it. 

I sift through the belongings Inej brought me. Clean underwear I try not think of her searching for, a thin white dress, comfortable pants, shorts, a few casual shirts, my red hood, and a nightgown. When I get to the bottom of the bag, and I see the personal belongings Inej smuggled back for me, I’m moved so powerfully my hand flies to my mouth on instinct. She had brought the folded up piece of paper with the only information I’ve been able to find about Kamil, the book I left on my nightstand, the small candle holder Alina had given me the day before I was taken away, the blade Mal had given me the day I left, the deck of playing cards Anya had first taught me to play with, and my mother’s necklace. The silver north star on a long chain. 

Before I can become too emotional, I take off the Crow’s Club T-shirt Inej had given me when I looked cold. I change into black pants, tucking the small blade Mal had given me into the pocket. The shirt I put on is pale blue, breaking the dark theme of everything around me. I fasten my red hood over my shoulders, basking in the familiar fabric. Lastly, I pull the north star necklace over my head, watching the blue orb with a black dot at its center blink at me in the light. I always found the stone at the pendant’s center odd. I'm quick to walk towards the door, nervous about what wasting their time could mean. 

“Let’s do this,” I sigh, pushing open the door. 

They all pause. Or maybe they were never moving. I try to imagine them interacting normally, but it’s hard to picture them as anything but intense and unflinching. There’s something odd about them, though, Jesper practically sulking and Kaz dropping his head despite Inej’s harsh stare.

“What kind of stone is in your necklace?” 

I swear to the Saints that if Kaz Brekker tries to steal it I’ll melt those leather gloves into his hands. “Try to take it and--” 

“That’s what I get for trying to make ‘polite conversation.’” He throws a look at Inej as he speaks the last two words. 

Wait--did Inej tell him to try to make polite conversation? Wait--more importantly, did he just kind of, almost say something that borders on casual? 

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a slight sigh. “Sorry.” 

His eyebrows draw together quizzically. “Did you just apologize for assuming I’d steal from you?” 

Great. Now I’m fully embarrassed. “Can we just go?” 

“Not before meeting me, I hope.” The stranger’s voice means nothing to me, but the others tense at it immediately. What? The man continues to walk forward, his steps too casual and confident for me to trust. The stranger is quick to respond to the question on my face, “Pekka Rollins.” 

--

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[masterjedilenawrites]

What about a reader that is drunk, going to do some nonsense, so both Tech and Crosshair stop her, and in the next day there’s a climate btween them? Pretty please 🥺

I wasn't sure what you meant by the last part of your request so I just let the scene play out in what felt like a natural direction, I hope that's okay! I'm happy to write something else if you'd like!

Tech & Crosshair & Reader | 1.8k words

You tried to hold back your giggles as you gathered up as many helmets as you possibly could. This was going to be great. You couldn't believe you hadn't thought of this before, it was probably one of the best ideas you'd ever had in your life. Your whole body seemed to shake with excitement. Or maybe that was just the alcohol. Nah... you hadn't had that much to drink. This was a genuinely good, smart idea.

You stumbled out of the closet and down the hallway, dropping a few helmets along the way but not even noticing. It was like the edges of your vision were out of focus but surely that was just the dim lighting of 79's. It'd always been hard to see in here.

"What are doing?"

The voice came out of no where, even thought its owner was practically standing right in front of you. Arms crossed, scowl on his face, eyes studying you as you juggled a half dozen clone trooper helmets in your arms for seemingly no reason.

"Back off, Crosshair," you slurred, trying to push past him quickly. Why was he always in your business?

The sniper was too quick for you even on your good days. He took hold of your arm and pulled you back before you entered the main bar area, keeping you in the relative privacy of the hallway.

"Why are you stealing the 501st's helmets?" he rephrased his question.

"It's not stealing, it's a prank," you protested, trying and failing to get your arm out of his grasp. Another helmet tumbled to the floor in the effort.

"Oh there you are," came a new voice. It was almost as if you were moving in slow motion as you tore your gaze from Crosshair and over at the newcomer.

"Tech, tell this jerk to get out of my way," you thought you said. But whatever actually came out was apparently not as understandable. Tech looked between you and Crosshair, confused.

"Um, okay. Why are you stealing the 501st's helmets?" he asked the same question as his brother.

As if on queue, another helmet slipped out of your grasp, though you hadn't moved. At least, you didn't think you did. You huffed and ignored Tech's question, turning back to Crosshair with pleading eyes. Both men were standing between you and your chance to pull one over on the 501st, a battalion infamous for their clever pranks. And you were not going to be stopped.

"Come on Cross," you drawled. "I'm pranking the regs, you should be proud."

Even through your crazed senses, you were still able to pick up the amused twitch of his lips. But he quickly suppressed it and turned back to his usual grouchy grimace.

"Normally I would," he said, "but not like this. Not tonight."

He took a pair of helmets from you and handed them over to Tech, ignoring your whiny sounds of protest.

"He's right," said Tech, placing the helmets on the floor in the corner. "Wrecker already upset some of them tonight, I don't think they'd find this very humorous. Besides, in your drunken state..."

"I'm not drunk!" you exclaimed, probably louder than you intended judging by the flinch both men gave in response.

"Your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are bloodshot," said Tech matter-of-factly.

"And I saw exactly how many drinks you had," added Crosshair.

Tech nodded at him. "Yes, we could go on, but that should be indication enough that..."

You cut him off again, this time with tears. You couldn't help it. The whine that had almost been perpetually eking out of you during this whole conversation grew into actual cries and whimpers. Before you knew it, your cheeks were wet and your lips trembled uncontrollably.

"You're both so mean, you never let me have fun, the one time I come up with a great idea and you shoot it down like I'm an idiot, it's not fair, all I wanted was to show you that I belong here with you guys, but none of you let me, you don't care about me at all, you're such fun-busters..."

You babbled on and on, only barely making any sense to the two men who'd now freed you from your armful of stolen helmets and were gently guiding you out of the bar. You clunked along between them like a baby learning to walk for the first time, unaware of where you were going or what was happening. You could only focus on your emotional speech, and then after a few minutes, your focus was redirected to the queasy feeling in your stomach.

Thankfully the boys got you back onto the Havoc and into the refresher before you spilled your guts. Crosshair held your hair back and rubbed a hand soothingly along your spine until the worst of it passed. You fell limp next to the toilet, unable to form any coherent thoughts in the aftermath.

"Come on," Crosshair said softly by your ear. He tried pulling you up, but when it was clear you weren't going to stand on your own, he picked you up altogether and carried you over the to bunks.

Tech had pulled out one of the cots, the one everyone on the ship agreed was more comfortable than the others and thus fought over the right for almost every night. He had it set up with blankets and pillows, and he stood nearby holding a bottle of water as Crosshair laid you down.

"Just small sips for now," Tech said, holding the bottle up to your lips and helping you get down a few quick swallows, enough to calm the burning in the back of your throat. You were vaguely aware of his thumbs wiping away the remnants of your earlier tantrum from your eyes.

"Fun-busters," you muttered before curling up on your side.

Tech looked over at his brother, who only rolled his eyes at your stubbornness.

"Good-night to you, too," he said just before you lost consciousness.

* * *

The next morning was... rough, to say the least. You'd been tipsy a few times in your life, but never full-on drunk, which meant you'd also never had to deal with a full-on hangover.

Your head was splitting open, you were sure of it. Every turn of your neck made you feel sick. There was a pressure behind your eyes and a lightness to your stomach. You wanted to stay in bed forever. But even more painful than your hangover symptoms were the memories of your behavior the night before, and the urge to make amends eventually propelled you to get up.

You found Tech first, fiddling with his holopad in the cockpit. He eyed you as you carefully lowered yourself in the chair next to his, keeping a hand up to shield your eyes from the rays of morning sunlight that crept through the windows.

"I'm sorry," you said in a low, raspy voice, getting right to the point. You knew Tech appreciated when people did that. He wasn't a fan of small talk and segues, not when there was clearly something important to discuss. "I was kind of a dumbass last night, wasn't I?"

Tech set down his holopad with a shrug. "You had too much to drink. You weren't in control of your mental faculties."

You smiled at his uncomplicated way of viewing things. But then came a cough from behind, from a particularly unamused sniper leaning against the doorway.

"You were a dumbass," he said just as plainly as his brother. Well, at least they were both honest, even if it was in contrast to each other.

"I'm surprised you remember," said Tech, quickly trying to move past his brother's more negative comment. "From what I've read, memory loss is common after heavy intoxication...."

You shook your head, immediately regretting the action as it made your head ring. "I don't remember a lot, just enough to be embarrassed. If I said anything nasty to either of you, I really didn't mean it, I swear. I was just...."

You trailed off, not sure what it was you were really trying to do. You'd wanted to pull a prank, but there'd been something else driving you forward, some other motive to want to do something so stupid.

"You called us fun-busters and cried because you didn't think we cared about you," said Crosshair through the customary toothpick in his mouth.

You looked at Tech, who gave you an apologetic look that confirmed his brother's words were true. You let out a little groan and slumped into the chair. A part of you was glad you didn't fully remember.

"Do you really think that?" Tech asked. "That you don't belong here?"

You shrugged. You still weren't sure about your feelings.

"I dunno... I guess, maybe sometimes... it does feel like you treat me the way you do the regs." You spoke slowly, discovering your own thoughts as you said the words. "Like I'm just along for the ride. Just a normal person who doesn't matter. I thought if I did something to them, you'd see I wasn't part of them. At least, that's what my drunk alter ego thought, anyway."

You gave another shrug and tried for a laugh but it didn't feel quite right.

Tech looked thoughtful for a moment. "You do realize most of the regs in that club were inebriated, too. But we didn't carry any of them to bed for the night."

"Or watch as they puked their guts out," added Crosshair with a slight wrinkling of his nose.

"Yes," Tech nodded at you. "We knew you've been feeling down lately, that's why Hunter suggested we all go to that bar in the first place, to give you a chance to have some fun. Crosshair and I kept an eye on you, and Hunter and Wrecker made sure those regs didn't get upset over your, ah, attempt at a prank."

Tech let his words linger for a moment as you finally raised your throbbing eyes up to meet his.

"You belong here. And we do care. We care because, well..."

He looked over at his brother and you followed his gaze. Crosshair took out his toothpick and pointed it at you.

"Because we're your family."

He put the toothpick back in his mouth with a wink and then turned to leave, showing that that was the final word on the subject. Tech looked at you with a soft smile, one that made you finally feel at peace. You hummed as you laid back against the chair and let the feeling really take hold within you.

You belonged with the Bad Batch. They were your family.

It was a very nice feeling.

[scientific-tricorder]

An uncharitable grumpy aromantic reading of Star Trek: Picard's second season:

This season states that, in order to have a happy life and feel complete and at peace with one's self, one must have a romantic partner.

The most obvious example of this is in Jean-Luc Picard. His primary arc is to overcome his buried childhood trauma - in order to be able to enter a romantic relationship with Laris. Q even explicitly states that he set the story of the season up so that Picard would be forced to confront and come to terms with what happened when he was a child so that he doesn't have to die alone like Q. The season defines 'not dying alone' as not having a romantic partner by introducing Picard's trauma during his aborted kiss with Laris (thing prevents romance) and showing him and Laris together at the end (thing gone, thus romance).

We also see this theme rather blatantly expressed in Ríos's arc. He feels out of place in the 25th century, and so at home in the 21st century that he's willing to drop his entire life in the 25th, never to see any of his friends or relatives ever again, to live out the rest of his life in the 21st, where he's been arrested for existing, doesn't understand the rules of society, has to learn how to deal with money, will have to find a career when there's no equivalent to what he's been trained in (yes, okay, one can argue plane pilot, but those are flown very differently to La Sirena, and good luck getting a license with zero documentation), etc. What's so different between the two that he's willing to make this major life decision after only a few days? A romance with Teresa.

We see this theme continue to our leading ladies. Seven and Raffi's main storyline is the two of them cementing their relationship with each other. Jurati's might not seem to fit the pattern, and while it doesn't exactly, but she gets her happy ending by merging with (or getting together with) the Borg Queen - a relationship that had some pretty heavy sexual coding (and arguably to an extent romantic coding, if only due to a cultural conflation of the two). The fact that Borg Queen/Jurati became a ship very early into the season demonstrates that.

Rounding out the main cast, we have Elnor (no romantic storyline for him since he's dead for most of the season, so), Tallinn (doesn't fit the pattern unless one really stretches to argue her relationship with Renée), Kore (no romantic storylines), and Soong. Soong also doesn't have a romantic relationship, but his lack of such is more emphasized by the story. See the scene wherein Kore discovers her true origins and we get this from Soong: "Anyone can procreate. You exist because I willed it!" I.e. He rejected normal procreation to instead pursue science gone mad - something portrayed rather unequivocally as bad. If we associate normal procreation with a romantic relationship (as it often is), we see the rejection of romance associated with villainy.

The only other regularly recurring characters are Ricardo (he's literally a kid), Guinan (no romantic storylines), Renée (no romantic storylines), and Q (one can argue romantic tones to his relationship with Picard).

Overall, the most central characters all have character arcs that end with them finding their happy ending in some sort of romantic(-ish) relationship, and the two characters who seem to reject romance (Picard and Soong) either overcome an obstacle to achieve romance or become villainous. The character arc of the namesake of the show is even explicitly linked to achieving romance as an end goal for a good life and death.

-

Please note that this is only one possible reading, and, as stated at the beginning, a rather uncharitable one coming from an aro person who's feeling rather grumpy about, annoyed at, and tired of romance in stories. Mostly, I'm here to highlight how the season (hopefully unintentionally) pushes amatonormative ideas, and to express some of my own frustrations.