#because like i said i see it SOOOO MUCH FROM LIKE

[stevestevesstuff]

Drunken Confessions | Theodore Nott x reader

Pairing: Theodore Nott x reader

Summary: Feelings are confessed after seeing you flirt with another man.

Warnings: Characters are 18+!, Alcohol and drinking

Word Count: 3k

Please just imagine that the Weasley twins are still in school xD

The party in the Slytherin common room has been planned for months now and there was always something that got in the way of executing it. One time it was a big upcoming test; the other was the detention of a student who took part in planning this event. But today was finally the day. You could feel everyone’s excitement radiating from them, the way they walked and talked was an obvious sign of how happy they were that this party finally took place. It all started in the morning during breakfast where the only topic the other students were talking about was said party. Conversations on what to wear or with who to go filled the Great Hall. As the day carried on, the people walking through the ancient halls of Hogwarts only got more hyped for the upcoming event. We’ve obviously waited long enough for it to happen.

I was no exception. The moment I got up in the morning, all I could think about was that party. With a big smile blasted on my face, I started my morning, and I was convinced that nothing could ruin my good mood. School has been pretty stressful lately so being able to unwind and let loose for an evening was strongly needed. For everyone.

While walking towards our dorm after class, me and my friend Lorelai were talking about what to wear. She was insisting on wearing her tight black mini dress with high heels, though I tried to talk her out of it. The party will take place in the Slytherin common room. In the dungeons. It would be too cold.

But I was unsuccessful with trying to change her mind. In the end she even convinced me to wear my sparkly dark green mini dress to match her “aesthetic”. Fortunately, this dress had sleeves so I wouldn’t totally freeze to death. Plus, there would be plenty of alcohol so after thinking about it I doubted that the cold could even be a problem.

The moment we arrived at our dorm, Lori stormed through the door and headed towards her closet to set out her outfit. I just chuckled and started doing my make-up.

“Soooo….” I looked up from my mirror when I heard Lori talking and gave her a questioning look.

“Mr. Nott did not ask you to go to the party with him, did he?”

Lorelei’s question made me freeze for a moment. She knew about the crush I had on my best friend Theodore Nott. How could she not? This poor girl had to listen to at least one hundred rants from my side on how perfect and nice and gentle and handsome he is.

I shook my head. “No. In fact, he didn’t even talk about the party until I mentioned it once while studying. At first, he didn’t seem really interested in going.”

“Okay, weird. Theodore Nott and not being hyped about a party? Is he okay? Does he need to go to Madam Pomfrey?” Lorelei’s joke made me giggle a bit.

She was right. Theo and his other friends were one of the few people you would always see whenever there was alcohol. So not mentioning such a big event was not like Theo at all.

“I don’t know. I guess he was just stressed out from all the tests and homework we had over the past couple weeks. But anyways, I convinced him to go with us. Or more specifically pick us up today and escort us to the party.”

Lori just looked at me. There must have been a quite obvious look of disappointment on my face as I explained the situation, because all I got as a response was her signature “I pity you” look. I rolled my eyes at her and continued to concentrate on my make up.

But she was right. I was disappointed. Very much that is.

Since I can remember I had a crush on Theo. The moment I first saw him in the Great Hall during the Sorting Ceremony I knew that I would like him. More than just as friends. And the more we did together, the closer we got, my feeling for him just grew. As he became my best friend, I tried to hide my feelings. Or more like lock them away and keep them suppressed as best as possible. Most of the time it worked, but in some unfortunate moments of weakness, my love for him just seemed to burst out of me.

Like that one evening we spent together on the astronomy tour. We were talking about everything and nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. Theo somehow noticed that I was cold and without hesitating, he gave me his sweater. In this moment, I couldn’t hide the blush that was creeping up my face and unfortunately, I also started to stutter. I couldn’t form any coherent sentences anymore and the worst part about this was that Theo noticed immediately and started teasing me, asking if I had a crush on him.

Just thinking about this evening was making me blush again. This stupid crush. I wish I could just get over it.

Time seemed to fly by and neither of us took notice, the only thing reminding us of how late it actually was, was a sudden knock on our door. Lorelei jumped up from the floor, on which she was doing her hair, to open.

“Babes! It’s your boyfriend!”

I rolled my eyes at her comment but smiled slightly. Oh, how I’d love to be able to call him that.

“I hope I do not intrude but it’s getting late ladies. The party is starting in 15 minutes” A small smirk crept on his lips as his eyes found mine.

Merlin, this smirk. It made me weak in the knees. Fortunately for me, I was still seated on the floor.

I took a moment to look at Theo properly. His hair was still slightly wet from an apparent shower he took before getting ready. Damp curls falling on his forehead, the rest of it looking kind of messy. But in a good way. He also chose to wear his black button-up with his sleeves rolled up. (Which made me go crazy but for obvious reasons can’t tell him) and black dress pants. Everything about this man was perfect and the fact that he somehow managed to look even more handsome this evening made my mind wander to places it definitely shouldn’t.

Before my brain got out of control, I nodded and got up from the floor to walk towards him.

“You know? Beauty takes time but I think we’re done here, right Lori?” I said as I gave Theo a small wink and Lorelei a confirming look. She just nodded, but then started running frantically through our dorm, searching for something.

Me and Theo just watched as she literally turned her whole closet upside down until she had found what she was looking for. Her matching black purse.

“Ready! Let’s go!”

A small chuckle escaped my lips as Lori pushed past me and Theo, running out into the hallway. I gave Theo a quick nudge to his side and off we were.

While walking towards the Slytherin common room, Lorelei walking in front of us, Theo leaned in towards me.

“You look breathtaking, Bella.”

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, his cologne seeping through my senses and I turned away, trying to hide the immense blush that started spreading on my face. The effect this man had on me was unbelievable.

Theo just chuckled lightly, seemingly proud about what he had achieved and continued to lead me and my friend towards the location of the party.

Even before arriving, loud music and laughter could be heard. The excitement was rushing through my body, and I couldn’t wait to dance, drink and just let loose.

The moment the three of us entered the Slytherin common room, Lori was pulled away by a group of Ravenclaws standing by the entrance, so me and Theo continued to head towards the main area.

The music got louder, and the air got thicker and hotter. Even though the party only started around 10 minutes ago, it was in full swing. Some people were standing near two tables which acted as a makeshift bar, others were dancing to the music and some students were just socializing with others from different houses. I took a deep breath in, smelling the alcohol and sweat lingering in the air. The fear of being too cold in my mini dress immediately left my mind as I felt the heat of at least 50 people ingulfing me.

I turned around to look at Theo, but he wasn’t there anymore. Somehow, this man always managed to disappear without a trace. A small frown spread across my face at the absence of my best friend. Was he serious right now? He just left me standing there? Alone? I shook my head, trying to get any negative thoughts out of my brain and made my way over to the bar, intending to get either some shots of fire whiskey or gin.

As I served myself one or two glasses of alcohol, I felt a presence behind me. Before I could turn around to acknowledge said person, I felt a hand on my shoulder. My hopes of it being Theo were immediately crushed as I turned around and was met with a big smile belonging to Fred Weasley.

“Hello gorgeous.” He gave me a smooth wink.

“All by yourself? While you look like that? I consider this a crime.” I chuckled at his playful and faked offended tone.

I chuckled awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. But then I thought to myself, why not? I’m allowed to have a little bit of fun. Fred is nice, he wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want, so I decided to join in on the flirting.

“Well, hello to you too Weasley. You don’t look too bad yourself.” I jokingly flirted back, obviously checking him out while downing my first glass of fire whiskey.

“Are you ready for the best night of your life, darling?”

“Of course, who do you think I am?” Fred smirked at my answer, motioning me to drink my second glass of alcohol I held in my hand. I followed his command, grimacing while I felt the cool liquid burn down my throat, earning a laugh from the guy in front of me.

The night continued and I wandered through the common room, catching up with people I haven’t talked to in a while, though I always found myself back at Freds side as his company and lightheaded personality drew me in.

I wasn’t really interested in him, though I really enjoyed the playful flirting and the compliments we threw at each other throughout the night. It made me forget how Theo had just abandoned me without saying anything. The thought alone made my heart ache.

As I downed my eighth or ninth drink (I couldn’t really think straight anymore, let alone count), I found myself surrounded by a group of Gryffindors, including Harry, Hermoine, Ron, Neville and the Weasley twins. We laughed, told jokes and gossiped. I had the time of my life.

Suddenly, Fred took my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor.

“I love this song! Come. Dance with me gorgeous!”

I felt his hands holding my waist, swaying me to the sound of the music. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the melody and beat of the song, hoping I was looking at least a bit presentable while dancing. Fred leaned in closer, seemingly trying to get more physical contact with me.

But before I could reciprocate his actions, someone pulled me away from my dance partner. The alcohol in my system was numbing my senses so before I even realized that I was no longer dancing with Fred, I was being pulled away from the party. My head was spinning and for the first few seconds, I couldn’t even tell who was walking in front of me with my wrist in their hand. I just awkwardly stumbled after the guy who frantically shook his head and swore under his breath.

“Cazzo! What were you thinking?”

I’d recognize this voice anywhere and anytime. Theo.

I opened my mouth to say something, though no words came out. Finally, we stopped, and Theo turned around to look at me, his grip still firm on my wrist.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Weasley? Of all people? You decided to flirt and dance with a Weasley?” The words rolled off Theo’s tongue like venom. He was mad. No. Infuriated.

“I….”

“No! I don’t want any excuses. Of all the people present at this party you chose to not only flirt and dance with another boy, but also, this boy was a Weasley.”

I have never seen Theo this mad, and my mind couldn’t comprehend why.

“What’s the matter with you? Am I not allowed to have some fun? Plus, I’m very capable of deciding with whom I flirt with. That’s my decision to make. Not yours.”

Theo swallowed hard, probably trying to contain himself from shouting. I could feel the tension radiating off him.

He leaned in, coming dangerously close to my face, still holding my wrist.

“Bella don’t fight me on this. You know very well why I have a problem with this situation.”

He was so close; I could feel his breath on my face and smell his cologne. A blush crept onto my face at the closeness of his body. God. Why was he so hot?

I looked at him, trying to stand my ground.

“Unfortunately, no. I do not know why you have such a big problem with me flirting with Fred. Plus, what else was I supposed to do? Lori was having fun with her friends, and you were nowhere to be found. You left me standing there. Alone. So, I found myself someone to spend the evening with.”

Theo suddenly let go of my hand, putting some distance between us. He raised his hands, brushing them through his already messy hair, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“By Merlin….” The clear frustration in his voice made it obvious that he had enough of this conversation.

“Do you like him?” Theo suddenly asked.

“What?”

“Do you like him?” This time, his voice was firmer, demanding an answer.

I looked at him, my eyes meeting his and for a moment, I could see something behind his eyes that I had never seen before. Desperation, mixed with a little bit of hope.

“I…no. I don’t like him like that.”

“Then why would you spend the whole evening flirting with him?”

“Because I wanted to, okay? You are not my boyfriend, you can’t dec- “

Before I could even finish my sentence, Theo closed the distance between us, reaching up with his hands to cup my cheeks. This action lets a small yelp escape my lips.

“Wha- “

My head was spinning, and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or Theo’s closeness. I was sure that if his body wasn’t pressed so tightly to mine, I would have sunk to the ground with how weak my knees were at that moment. His hands gently caressed my cheeks, his right thumb slowly stroking it. The way he looked at me with desperation, hope and…longing was too much for me. I even stopped breathing for a second. I noticed Theo’s eyes wandering down towards my lips where they lingered for a second before they found my eyes again.

“What…what if I want to be just that?” Theo asked quietly while seemingly staring into my soul.

“What do you mean?”

“What if I want to be your boyfriend?”

The moment these words left Theos lips, my breath hitched, and my mind went blank. What did he just say? My head started spinning even more and I felt a blush rise on my face.

“I like you, cara mia. I’ve always liked you, but I was too much of a fool to tell you. I was scared of ruining our friendship but seeing you today, flirting with another man, that was too much for me. I couldn’t handle you being in the arms of anyone but me.” These words left his lips in a tone so gentle, I would have never believed they came from Theo if I wasn’t experiencing it first handed.

“I….”

“You don’t have to say anything. You probably won’t even remember what I’m telling you right now in the morning. I guess I won’t either. But I needed to get this out of me. I needed you to know how I felt about you.”

Suddenly, I felt a rush of confidence wandering through my body. I raised my hands to mirror Theos previous actions, cupped his cheeks and pulled his face towards mine. Our lips met and I felt like I could explode. The feeling of his lips was better than I could have ever imagined. They were soft and the slight taste of alcohol and cigarettes on them made this kiss so much more intoxicating.

His hands left my cheeks, wandering down my body until they settled on my waist, pulling me even closer into him. The kiss got more and more messy, teeth were clashing, and lips were bitten.

After what felt like an eternity, I had to catch my breath. As I pulled away, my hands still caressing his cheeks and his hands on my waist, a small smile spread across my lips as I tried to breath properly. As I looked up at Theo, the biggest smile I had ever seen on him was painted on his face.

“I love you, amore.” He said, still trying to catch his breath.

“I love you too, darling.”

His hands left my waist, removing mine from his cheeks and gently intertwining our fingers. He gently pulled me behind me, walking in the direction of his dorm.

“So, I guess it’s official now, Bella. No more flirting with Weasley. Or any other man for that matter.” His joke only earned a small laugh from me, already imagining what might happen in his dorm.

[shigarakisstalker]

brothers best friend is the one for me…

(!agedup bakugo katsuki x kirishima’s sister) (a little ooc but whatever)

this is super short but it’s been on my mind

“he’s off limits y/n, i’m serious.”

but god when he looked at you like that, eyes eyeing you like prey, he was basically irresistible.

“i just don’t know what to do mina… i like him so much but you know i cant.” you spoke on the phone.

you were in the kitchen, dressed in a sports bra and some baggy sweatpants that hung dangerously low. kirishima wasn’t home and neither were your parents.

until the door opened, “hey sis, we’re home.”

we’re?…

and then there he was, bakugo katsuki in all his glory.

“who’re you talking to?” he whispered. “mina” you mouthed, while waving at katsuki only to receive an eye roll in return.

kastuki eyed your figure though, especially where your gray sweatpants hung extremely low on your hips. he couldn’t help it, you were soooo pretty and god your fucking figure. it had him mesmerized.

“bakubro, you there?” kirishima finally pulled him along. “yeah shitty hair, just zoned out.”

you continued your conversation with mina, telling her all the details on kiri because of course she had a crush on him. it didn’t bother you though, i’d anything you were glad it was kirishima. he was a good guy and that was better than some scum bag who’d treat her shitty.

you went to your room, only to see bakugo sitting on your bed. “what’re you-”

“shhhh, shut the fuck up your brother will hear us.” he quickly placed a hand over your mouth. his crimson eyes bore into your e/c eyes. they were filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher.

“what are you doing here?!” you whisper yelled. his presence made you nervous. what was he doing in your room? why?

“i- fuck, i-i don’t know. i just needed to see you.” he ran a hand over his face, quietly pacing. “shitty hair can’t know i saw you. he’d lose his shit on me.”

“well.” you started. “why did you need to see me?”

“if i tell you this, you can’t say shit.”

kirishima’s words replayed in his head, “she’s off limits man, you can’t do that.”

maybe just one kiss would get it out of his system. he could stop thinking about you constantly and get over this little crush of his. but god kirishima would kill him. his only friend, yet he’s directly disobeying the one thing he said was a boundary.

fuck it, he’ll figure it out.

“i wont say anything.” you hesitated, “what is it?”

he stared at you for a moment,

before grabbing your face and kissing you.

the kiss was gentle yet passionate. he meant business and he’d obviously been thinking about it for awhile. and god his lips were so soft. he tasted of mint, and damn was he a good kisser. your brain went numb with the kiss. all thoughts leaving your head and common sense completely dissipated.

when you both pulled away, he stared into your eyes and pushed a stay hair from your face. “you can’t tell shitty hair, i mean it.”

“i won’t. i promise.”

he nodded silently, before rushing past you and out the door.

you needed to call mina again. asap.

and then you received a text.

k. bakugo

not a word to shitty hair, but i’ll stop by

tomorrow when he’s not home. we need

to talk.

AHHHHHHHHHH

[misspelledwordswizard]

How about a reaction from the Chain to a witch Reader, but in a Harry Potter style?

Reader, in addition to being scared at first, would undoubtedly be confused by the blatant display of magic without punishment. It doesn’t help that she quickly mistakes and identifies Twilight as an Animagus after seeing Wolfie just once. It would definitely lead to an interesting conversation where Reader reveals herself as a witch and explains how, in her world, the Statute of Secrecy exists, along with the reasons it was created.

The Chain would be horrified not by the massive concealment of magic itself, but by the reasons behind it, with the main one being the indiscriminate hunting of magical beings.

Hey, I'm back baby! After a while on vacation and having to deal with the return of my classes, I was finally able to organize myself to return fully, I hope. But hey, I'm sorry for the huge delay with the requests, and happy new year to everyone, considering that this is my first post of the year!

Oh, thanks for the request, I really love crossovers, and I love Harry Potter!

I’ve been here for a few weeks, traveling with this group of men who claim to be heroes of the realm, or something like that. I’m not sure how I ended up here, but it was obvious that this was a different world from mine. For starters, the humans here have pointy ears, like elves. Okay, I can deal with that. And then there are other races, which I’ve never seen anything like in my world. I mean, a race of stone men, seriously? Not to mention the totally different monsters. 

But none of these things surprised me as much as the lack of care with the exposure of magic. Everyone, even the supposed “muggles” who don’t have magic, are fully aware of its existence. It’s natural, it’s normal. But it’s also strange that they don’t have any organ that regulates its use, considering how much it is used. 

From what I could see, one of my traveling companions, who took me in for some reason when I fell on top of them after passing through a strange portal, has magic and uses it medicinally.  I don’t know if the others can do things like that, but from what I’ve noticed, most of them have some object that has some magical property and makes things easier. That boy with the rings – I think his nickname was Legend – has one for every situation. 

Well, okay, I know they’re all called Link, confusing, even more confusing when I found out they’re from different timelines. Is temporal magic really that normalized around here? I’ve only been with them for a short time, and I still find it hard to associate them with their nicknames, because not only are they all blond with blue eyes, which doesn’t help much, but each one seems to have about three different nicknames, and each one is weirder than the last. 

Okay, I’m in a different world, where magic is common and doesn’t need to be hidden. I’m traveling with a group of heroes from different eras who consider themselves brothers, and are, from what I can understand, reincarnations... so why are they acting like this wolf that appeared is some kind of pet? 

— Soooo... you know that this wolf is one of you transformed, right? – I ventured to say. 

Everyone’s eyes turned to me, surprised. They didn’t know? Seriously? They looked at each other momentarily before someone finally answered me. 

— Well, we do know, but how do you know? – The long-haired hero spoke, the Cook, if I’m not mistaken.  

— And how could you not know? It couldn’t be more obvious, I mean, even the markings on his face are the same as the wolf’s, they’re never seen together in the same place, and, to tell the truth, Twilight kind of smells like dog. It’s pretty obvious that he’s an Animagus.  

— Animagus? Huh, Wolfie, are you that thing she said? – The youngest of the group spoke, and the wolf just tilted his head in confusion.  

— Oh, great, it takes her three minutes to figure that out while eight heroes took months to do the same. – Legend complained.  

— Speak for yourself, I knew from the beginning!  

So, they already knew about it, and were just pretending so I wouldn’t find out? Strange people.  

 While the others debated who had been the first to find out about Wolfie, he retransformed, without having to worry about hiding his secret, and approached me, visibly confused and curious. 

— So, in your world, it’s normal for people to turn into animals? 

— I wouldn’t say it’s common, but it’s possible, and all wizards know about it. 

— Wizards? What about people without magic, don’t they know? – The hero with magic joined the conversation, visibly curious. 

— No, of course not. We can’t let the Muggles find out about magic! 

— Muggles? – The little boy asked, interested in the way I called the non-magic users. 

— They’re the non-wizards, we keep magic hidden from them, or else we’d go to war... it’s very dangerous, that’s why the Ministry of Magic exists, to make sure wizards don’t reveal themselves. 

— For Hylia, your world is confusing. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live in a society as segregated as this one... – I heard the comment coming from one of the quieter boys, the one called Sky. 

 — Yes, well, but it is necessary, or else wizards would still be burned at the stake for using magic to this day. 

— WHAT?! – Everyone gasped as they heard my last statement, shocked by the brutal concept. Oh man, I think this conversation will go on for much longer than I had imagined. 

[akawifeyy]

LOVESICK | smau pt.2 (AKA12)

description: it's getting harder for you and kimi antonelli to deny your attraction to one another. but even the best-laid plans can go awry.

tropes: best friend's little sister, childhood friends, one-sided love, ob87 sister!reader

face claim: daniela avanzini

trigger warnings: suggestive content, hate speech (misogyny & covert death threats), swearing

| note: ahh this was a crazy smau to write 😞 also this is part 2 / 3 fics!

@ yourusername: out and about

tagged: @ f1, @ olliebearman, @ kimiantonelli

comments (394):

@ user1: help why did she post a big ass pic of the mercedes team logo? 💀

-> @ user2: Didn't you see she also tagged Kimi? I hate to be nosy, but like... This is getting a little...

@ olliebearman: No picture of me in my Haas is crazy

-> @ yourusername: maybe if you won, i would include it in my posts 💁🏼‍♀️

-> @ user3: DAMN GIRL

@ user4: the nails eattt 👀👀

@ f1gossip: Rookie Kimi Antonelli has been spotted with best friend Ollie Bearman's twin sister, Y/N! Wonder what the Haas driver thinks of this...

tagged: @ kimiantonelli, @ yourusername, @ f1wags

comments (245):

@ user4: this is such an appalling invasion of privacy. what happened to respect and decency?? why are we lwk stalking ppl now??

-> @ user5: HELP it's just one pic? 😭

-> @ user4: imagine if someone was doing this to you. i feel so bad for y/n and kimi 🙁

@ user6: They're soooo cute together omgg

@ user7: sigh, i can't even be jealous. she's literally y/n 😩

Text messages between Kimi and Y/N (2025):

comments (1984):

@ user8: bruh this is just rage bait, no one knows if she actually was with any other driver 😒

-> @ user9: Yeah Lando has said before that they were just good friends but that Y/N was too young for him

-> @ user10: the fling w paul might be true but it's never been confirmed either 🧐

@ user11: I honestly believe it tbh. She seems like the kinda girl to go around and fuck a ton of guys

-> @ user8: this is so disgusting i might puke 🤮

Instagram conversation between Y/N and a hate account:

@ yourusername has temporarily deactivated their account. (June 13, 2025)

comments (127):

@ user12: NOOO STAYYY PLS WE NEED YOU 🙏🙏

@ olliebearman: Love you sis, sorry you have to deal with all of this.

@ user6: chat I just failed a chem exam and now I see this? Worst day of my life

Text messages between Kimi and Y/N (2025):

comments (3329):

@ user14: i hope she comes back. i'll fight every hate bot and troll till she does 🤺

-> @ user1: We'll miss her

-> @ user9: her life is no one's business. I hope she finds peace and solace after all of this because the internet is a cruel place

@ user15: This is what happens when ppl don't realize how lucky they are. Y/N doesn't owe us anything.

-> @ user11: I don't know why everyone cares about this so much, Y/N is another nepo baby who's just popular bc of her face and body 🧍‍♀️

Further excerpt from the Instagram conversation between Y/N and a hate account:

@ kimiantonelli: So thankful to be P5 in Montreal!

tagged: @ f1, @ mercedes

comments (694):

@ user16: Help he's so dry

-> @ user9: we all know why smh... 😵‍💫

@ olliebearman: Great job!

@ user17: Not seeing Y/N in the comments feels so wronggg

-> @ user18: ikkk i'm so sad 🥲

Text messages between Kimi and Y/N (Three weeks later):

─── ୨୧ ─── THE END ─── ୨୧ ───

[widebrimmedhatsblog]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the ending!!

I'm soooo sorry nonny. This took 5ever. For some reason, I mentally decided that the completion of this ask would be the end of my Onyx Storm era, and then I didn't want to go near it because I didn't want the book to be done :(. However, I was brave, and I did it. This got insanely obscenely long, so you're getting Xaden's chapter 65 now, and then I'll reblog with Vi's LAST chapter some other time.

Chapter 65: Xaden

Veninism: I think the first thing that comes up in this chapter is the insight into the venin mindset. Xaden's significantly more intense (both than earlier in the book, and in his previous POV chapters). At first, I wasn't a huge fan of the "ice" thing, because I missed the part where he explains it (perks of reading till 5 in the morning) and I thought it was some anachronistic hockey reference. (Fun fact: I wrote this out before Rebecca gave that interview revealing that, yes, it WAS an anachronistic hockey reference. I know that lady WELL.) HOWEVER! The way it's explained here, (essay below the cut)

"Wrath courses like a current under the ice I willingly skate onto, cutting my emotions like the burdens they are so I can be the weapon she needs." (Yarros, 520)

reminds me a lot of a PTSD flashback/trauma event. Not only does this make significantly more sense with the metaphor at hand, but it makes a lot more sense with Rebecca's body of work. I know she's made addiction comparisons, and I can see some lines, but, frankly, I think it's a much more intricate web than a 1-1 metaphor. Especially with the use of the word "triggered" to describe what happens to him when he is "on the ice" as it were, I think (if anything) it's about using an addiction to cope with PTSD-type trauma.

Bond Fuckery: After revealing that Xaden cannot kill the sage himself, he goes on to say,

"I could no more raise a blade to his throat than I could Violet. The bond between Violence and me is the kind of magic that has no explanation." (Yarros, 521)

Which....is weird! Given that we have a precise explanation for said bond in Fourth Wing, maybe something else is going on? #the power of love?? I'm not trying to say they're soul mates in any real tangible way because this is not that kind of story, but I do think it means something. I just don't know what yet.

Further bond fuckery themes are found earlier in the book. There's the entire situation with Andarna leaving, in which Leothan says,

"Bonds are merely magical ties. You are irid. You are magic. Bend it, shape it, break it as you see fit." (Yarros, 443)

I've definitely seem some people floating the idea that perhaps Andarna broke Tairn and Sgaeyl's mating bond, re: Tairn's suspicious period of rest on page 526, (I personally thought he was tired from killing some dragons!) and I definitely think that's a possibility. However, I think it's really interesting that, specifically, Leothan also says bend it and shape it. I know we're supposed to finish the book thinking that Andarna/Leothan severed Violet's bond with Andarna, and then re-forged said bond mid-battle. To me...that doesn't really make sense? There was no real moment where you can say, okay, bond re-forged. It just kind of happens? Which I suppose is also how it happens at threshing, so maybe I'm the problem. Still, I think the idea that perhaps Andarna (or another irid??? given her 1 week of training???) bent or reshaped Tairn and Sgaeyl's mating bond (in order to protect Xaden/Xaden's mission/Violet from the consequences of Xaden's mission) is worth considering.

There's also the entire element of modern AU no magic isles. I know a lot of people thought that entire quest section of the book was filler, but I disagree. I definitely think that insertion was meant to demonstrate that the bonds are not as infallible as we've been led to believe, to show their importance to Xaden and Violet, and to further show just how much Andarna is not like other dragons, and therefore able to do shit with the bond.

Xaden's new brother! Xaden starts off describing the new venin by saying,

"and now that my sage has a new sibling he can use against me...I'm screwed." (Yarros, 521)

Then, he goes on to add:

"...my new brother and the unconscious dragon lying in the valley...how could he do this? Choose this after watching me stumble and fall over the last five months. How could he willingly walk the path I've fought like hell to leave? He's the last person I ever would have expected to turn, and yet here we are." (Yarros, 521)

My money's on Bodhi! There's a lot of "brother" mentions surrounding Bodhi, given the repeated descriptions of how similar he and Xaden look. He's "the closest thing (Xaden) has to a brother since Liam." Garrick even thought Theophanie called Bodhi his brother beforehand! It's Bodhi. Further nuance to Bodhi turning is found, in my opinion, in his frustration with Xaden's over-protection at the end of Onyx Storm. This feeling of impotence combined with something potentially happening to Cuir (re: unconcious dragon lying in the valley/Bodhi puking his guts up wherever that quote is) gives him a reason to turn.

I know @skyfallscotland thinks Xaden's new brother is actually Aaric, which is also super intriguing. Specifically, Amy suggested a scenario where Aaric knows he needs to be venin in order to win the war, and is willing to do whatever it takes to get to the future he sees. I do lean more towards Bodhi than Aaric, if only because of the element of knowing for 5 months (which Aaric does not--even if he finds out about Xaden's veninism from his signet, RY has confirmed Aaric didn't manifest in IF, and therefore it cannot have been five months prior to Battle of Draithus), Xaden really seems to care about this new brother. I know he says he has a "complicated sort of loyalty" to Aaric, but I don't think he and Aaric at the friendship level where Aaric can be used against him in the same way Bodhi can. There's also the whole having to give Vi Tyrrendor ordeal. I know some people think Xaden may have had a change of heart and decided to listen to Bodhi in regards to not forcing him to lead Tyrrendor in his stead, and/or Xaden just felt giving Vi the province directly (what a wedding gift!) was the best possible way to protect her. Who knows, not me. I think of Xaden as someone not particularly inclined to listening to people when he doesn't feel like it, but I also know he'll prioritize Vi regardless, so it could go either way.

Slayer! This is just for the one line mention of Berwyn killing the dragons with the alloy dagger. For one thing, I think this draws parallels between the venin and the dragons (which have been a theme the entire series). For another, I think this is how Xaden, Vi, and co. go about killing the dragons and elders in order to get to the eggs. Seems a lot less messy!

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once: Throughout the text, there's a couple mentions of individuals inability to be everywhere all at once. Theophanie, in chapter 60, for example: (from my Kindle copy, so no page numbers, sorryyyy)

"You're just another lightning wielder, mortally incapable of being everywhere at once."

Or, the slightly different take from Mira in Chapter 23:

"Even if he did, we can't be in two places at once."

I have no idea why this got me so bad, but every time I read it, my spidey-senses tingled. I really feel like it means something. Xaden then wraps things up with saying he IS everywhere at once, on page 522 in regards to the veninism amplifying his shadow powers.

Do I know what this means? No! Of course not! At first, I thought it was a papa sorrengail is venin hint, but I don't actually believe in that. I have been holding out hope that perhaps Vi is somehow venin from Lilith (this is why I think papa sorrengail had her dedicated. it doesn't really make sense to me for Rebecca to write her with a real disability, and then have that real disability be a birth defect when it isn't one in real life. that just seems odd?) and I think this COULD be a hint there. Although, as always, who knows.

What is a soul if not love? Some of you may know, I've been getting a wee bit heated about the implications of the corporeal soul. I get a bit gagged by this because it makes no sense. I ask @maethologies probably once a day, what IS a soul? And to that question, I raise you this: what is a soul if not love?

page 523 has this:

""I love you.' Violet's voice cracks the cold, and a silken thread of warmth wedges itself in the opening before it seals shut, locking it in place. No. Wait. I grab for that thread with desperate hands, clawing to keep her as more of my pieces are blown away, lost to the void. She is warmth and light and air and love."

For starters, I think "she is warmth and light and air and love" is my favorite quote from the entire series. It makes me want to cry!!! There's definitely something to the fact that being venin makes Xaden colder, and Violet only seems to get warmer in this book (her lightning being hot enough to blister, for example). But really, my focus here is that he's so aggressively in love with her. I genuinely do not know how people read this line, or the rest of the novel, and somehow thought Xaden was just going to go join up with the venin. Genuinely! I am REALLY not trying to be mean, it just makes no sense to me.

I'm going to go a bit out of order here to further contextualize, but other Xaden Riorson bangers include:

"What even am I? Hers." (Yarros, 524)

And, far earlier in the text, when Courtlyn asks to whom Xaden swears his fealty:

"Violet. (...) My loyalty is to Violet first above everything, everyone else." (this is a Kindle page number because I don't want to find it in my book, LMAO, but it's 326 in that format!)

Again, he's constantly making it as clear as humanly possible that SHE comes first for him. He is not going to spontaneously gain venin loyalty. Whatever soul-fuckery is going on here, it doesn't make him incapable of love. If anything, the presence of love is what is going to continue to save him. In the chapter 48 epigraph, in which a scenario is described wherein a venin returns to their village, desiccating an entire village except for her husband and two children. Clearly, the theme here is that the feeling of love helps venin gain control of themselves when lost to the thrall of power, if you will.

Frankly, there's a LOT of issues with venin as a concept and how willing the fan base is to accept the characterization of the entire "enemy" as evil, soulless, and incapable of feeling and love. Just on the most basic level, think about the real world implications of that ideology for about ten seconds. If you can't do that, think about it in-universe. The entire point of books one and two were that Navarre's government perpetuated a narrative of dehumanization in regards to the Poromish people so that Navarrians could see them as the enemy. This tactic of dehumanization is then DIRECTLY applied to the venin. The narrative on the surface-level is: These people ARE human, but these other guys are the REAL monsters. Please kill THEM instead. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen people say "Violet's never killed anyone in the series, she only kills venin!" The very fact of saying these people aren't human; therefore they can die...do you see what I see? I know I'm a bit more thematically minded than the average romantasy reader, but it's really VERY in your face here.

The most obvious narrative purpose for Xaden choosing to turn is that it gives Violet and the reader a way to humanize the venin, just like working with the gryphon fliers in part two allowed us all to humanize them. After I finished IF, there was not a doubt in my mind that this was where Rebecca was going.

And she went there...a little bit? She's about halfway there, I'd say. Violet has started to internally reconcile with the fact that Xaden being a venin makes it impossible for her to generalize venin any further, but there's definitely still an undercurrent of "he's not like other venin!!" I think this COULD be a logical progression of the story, and, partially, I think it makes sense for it to take a minute for her thought processes to shift. However, I think it needs to be better layered? And I think that when you have a book like this one with such a low barrier to entry, you need to do a bit more thematic hand-holding if you want people to really get things.

Anyway, this was all to say: Xaden loves her, and so, his soul is fine. HE's fine. He's not evil, he didn't marry her just to leave, he's not "team venin". Etc! I could go on about this further, and I think before book 4 I'll be pushed over the edge and do so. But, for now, I do think the direction Rebecca is pushing for is the "cure" being the power of love et. al.

Mommy Issues: We come back to Sgaeyl! I know some people think Sgaeyl breaks the bond with Xaden as part of his 12 hour plan, and again, I ask: literally how.

Basically, unlike his mother, Sgaeyl isn't leaving Xaden. When he breaks through the pulling from the earth haze, he asks Sgaeyl if she forsakes him, and she says:

"'What is there left of you to forsake?' Sgaeyl lowers her head and steam gusts down the canyon, reminding me of the moment she found me in the forest at threshing. (Yarros, 523)

My direct annotation here is : threshing! Threshing = choice. And I'm right! Threshing does equal choice. She has the option to forsake him, and she doesn't! Case closed. I will say, just as a side note, the idea that she'd leave him for being extra venin is wack as hell when he became extra venin for her. I don't think she was that heated about him being venin in the first place: the focus of her ire at the end of IF was that he "picked" Violet. "You cannot! I chose you!/ But Violet chose me too." She's just a pick me dragon at heart.

Quest Squad (Xaden's Version) I touched on this in response to my other ask about the ending, but now we're gonna go beat by beat.

Xaden starts what I call the quest intro by responding to Sgaeyl's threshing part 2 with:

"'You tell me.' I lower the ice and let her in."

Clearly, this is Xaden showing Sgaeyl whatever plan he's been concocting in his head.

Sgaeyl's response:

"Her next breath is laced with sulfur, and her eyes widen. 'You cannot mean to--'"

Now, this is just needlessly vague to make sure we buy the next book. Like we weren't going to anyway. Thank you for extorting me, Red Tower. However, at the very least, it reveals that his plan is, shall we say, problematic? Controversial? Illegal?

Then, we have (from Xaden)

"'You saw what happened. It is the only way.' She glances over her shoulder. 'And you think she'll help?' 'She loves me.' 'Tairn does not, and you haven't looked in a mirror yet. The red veins branching from your eyes look like her lightning.' 'She'll help.' It comes out with a hell of a lot more certainty than I feel. 'She promised.'"

Line by line time!

"it is the only way" is mad interesting from Xaden "the right way isn't the only way" Riorson. It could just be the influence of being venin on his psyche---everything feels more serious now, and he himself is more intense. But it's such an interesting switch, especially since Violet's assumed his way of thinking from FW.

At first I thought the pronoun fuckery in SHE'll help/SHE loves me was meant to indicate that the she in question was not actually Violet, but I don't think so anymore. I do think it's intentionally misleading! Again, for the money. But, more than that, I think Sgaeyl is glancing over her shoulder AT Violet and Tairn to indicate who they're yapping about.

Now, how will she help? I think this is a separate quandary than the marriage (hence where I broke up the text). Personally, I think this is him saying Vi goes with him to get the eggs/kill the dragons/etc.

The veins branching from his eyes are intriguing. I know he says he's no longer an initiate on this page, but I don't think he's an Asim either? According to Mr. Drake Cordella's venin compendium, Asim's veins distend only when riled, but Sage's veins are perpetually distended. (Iron Flame chapter 47 epigraph). I guess we'll see? I don't know, it would make sense to me if he was a sage, but who knows.

And, finally, what the hell did she promise?

WAY earlier on in the book, Xaden says:

"Swear you'll sound the alarm if I go too far, that you'll keep it safe, even if it's from me." (Yarros, 58)

This is what I think he's referring to! I know @hockeyspiral23 thinks the 'it' in question is actually the sword of Tyrrendor (correct me if I'm wrong!!) and not Tyrrendor itself. I definitely think there's something to that theory.

A few pages later, Xaden says:

"I'll use Tyrrendor to protect you, not you to protect Tyrrendor." (Yarros, 102)

Not to be a broken record, but again: Intentionally! Misleading! Content! I think you're SUPPOSED to interpret the promise as Violet saying she'll protect Tyrrendor from Xaden, and Xaden saying he's "gone too far". But when you actually look at the text, there's no way that's what he's saying. First of all, why would Sgaeyl think THAT plan wouldn't work with Tairn? Tairn does NOT fuck with Xaden right now. And then, why would Xaden Riorson, president and CEO of the Violet Sorrengail fan club, prioritize Tyrrendor over Violet? He cares about Tyrrendor, sure, but in the face of VIOLET? It doesn't compare. It just doesn't! ("I love you more than this city. Do not die defending it.") He's not winning any king of the year awards with those priorities, but that doesn't make it any less true. I basically already have a post ranting about this, (here! If you're curious) so I'm going to cut myself off here. Basically, we have to remember who Xaden actually is when we try to contextualize this vague ass chapter.

And then, wedding bells!

"'Even if she agrees, no one will--'

'Someone owes me a favor.'" (Yarros, 524)

This is the part of the quest that I think is more directly the marriage issue. This has already been covered elsewhere, but the Priestess from Dunne's temple says she owes Xaden a favor earlier on. She goes on to officiate their marriage. I just think the wording makes it clear that this is a multi-step plan. (How can Violet "help" with her own marriage?)

I already quoted the absolute banger "What even am I? Hers." But I'm going to bring it up again! His loyalty, primarily, is to Violet. Whatever quest he's going on, it's FOR HER. He steals the eggs FOR HER. He''s taking them somewhere FOR HER. I don't know how to make that any clearer, but if I keep seeing people misinterpret it, I'll probably try again.

Agency!

The final bit I'm going to pull is Sgaeyl saying:

"And her decision will determine our fate." (Yarros, 524).

I think this just really succinctly makes clear my 573938503 argument above. Violet gets final say on Quest Squad (Xaden's Version) but whatever he does do, he's doing it with Sgaeyl. I know there's some good bits Rebecca's said throughout the tour that support this interpretation, but I don't think I need them quite yet. Maybe next time!

For now, that's all. I'll see y'all back here with Violet's chapter in a bit!

[hxrsheykisses]

I’ve been following this acc for a bit and I LOVE your writing and how you characterize the boys, I was wondering if I could request an oc x canon fic (My main man CJ x Josh,,,) All his info is pinned on my blog! >:333

Awwww!!! This oc is so creative! I love the design!♥️ i’m glad that I can finally get to this request since I got sick before I could even get a draft started up. I love writing for Josh SOOOO much, he’s so underrated and whenever I see OC X CANONS of him my world just brightens. I really hope I got your oc right… I get really anxious with these ocs x canons because I don’t want to mischaracterize the c LOLOL!!! Thank you so much for requesting!!♥️💋💋

🩷 SPECIAL | CJ TAKAHARA X JOSH LEVY 🧡

CJ was cool.

Ever since he joined in with the club, it was a new thing for Josh and the other members. They never met someone who had a crazy passion for Karate—something that wasn’t technically put into play in the club. Everyone had their personally views on CJ being the newest member in the club.

Josh had a few that ran deep.

CJ is that type of kid who may look relaxed and easygoing—which is true. But as soon as you spark up about one of his interests, he talks about it in such a way where you can see that CJ loves his passions, he lives on his passions, and he isn’t afraid to show it off or tell it. Josh found that to be a fascinating character trait. He too was passionate about his nerdy interests but it wasn’t like he had anyone else to talk to death about them besides his so called friends. He liked the fact that CJ didn’t care if some of these people who got an earful from him about his passions didn’t know jack about him, they will hear it and get to know CJ as a person.

CJ is confident.

Josh envies CJ for this one. CJ is loud and lets everyone know who he is. If he was a stranger a second ago, he sure won’t be now because he’ll let everyone know that he has talent. He has the potential. He has the ability. He is willing to show out for anyone who spares a moment—just a moment. That feeling of accomplishment runs deep. CJ isn’t afraid—he’s fearless. He doesn’t let anyone tell him that his successes are a waste of time because he believes that it’s not true. CJ is everything that Josh isn’t and wants to be. It’s a tough pill to swallow but it draws Josh in more. He wants to listen to whatever CJ is spouting about when nobody else would and he’d remember every single thing.

CJ talks a lot.

And Josh loves a long talking session. Oh, he loves them so much. He does it everytime when he gets the chance too during club. The guys aren’t as good when it comes to listening into what Josh had to say unless it included something about a tape or a comic that shows female anatomy, they’d get a rush for that, no duh. But with CJ? He’s able to talk. He’s able to go into detail. He’s able to go on and on.

CJ gets the same respect back. Josh loves hearing what CJ has to say. Whether it’s about his all time favorite action movie, something that happened in karate, how he learned how to play a character from Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter, the new fighting techniques he learnt—Josh wants to hear it all. Josh yearns to hear about the latest details of anything that CJ has for him and he savors it every single time.

…

…CJ is—

“Hey! Are you watching?”

Josh audibly gasped as he jerked a little bit, shaking his head to bring himself out of the daze he was in. “Oh—Oh, yeah! I-I’m watching!” Josh said quickly, readjusting his glasses. He had forgotten that CJ was going to show off one of his newest techniques he learned from watching this choreography video last night.

CJ put his hands on his hips as he gave Josh a look. “Really?” He asked flatly. “These techniques aren’t easy to do, y’know!”

“I know! I’m sorry, okay? I was just thinking! I’m for real watching right now.” Josh encouraged CJ to get back into his original stance in the middle of the mat on the floor, sitting upright and watching CJ intently just so that he knew that Josh was giving him his full attention.

…CJ is special.

CJ has a lot of talent—amazing talent. His love for Karate is what puts all the pieces together, it’s what makes CJ—CJ. Josh was always the first one to get to see these new skills that CJ had picked up on and he felt honored. He enjoyed seeing the determination on CJ’s face as he prepared himself. It felt kinda like a movie, an action movie at that. It also a little intense in a good way and that’s how Josh liked it. The various moves CJ did looked like something straight out of a comic. It had so much perfection, stealth, and most importantly—focus. During these times is where Josh finally shuts his mouth for a moment so that CJ can concentrate. The silence is breathtaking as Josh watches with astonishment each time.

After CJ finished up with the choreography, Josh would lift both of his hands and clap. “Holy shit? That was insane!” Josh exclaimed. “And what did you say that move was?”

CJ let out a slow sigh leave his lips before replying, “That was a Jumping Back Kick I just did! I spent hours perfecting this yesterday night so now I remember it like the back of my hand.” CH proudly boasted in triumph. “It was practically light work!”

“That was…amazing. Especially since you learnt it just yesterday! CJ—how come your not a black belt yet?” Josh asked. Josh was still in much disbelief at how CJ wasn’t a black belt yet, this seems like black belt level techniques!

CJ felt his heart skip a beat at Josh’s words. He fidgeted with the orange belt that was wrapped around his waist as he looked away for a second. As crazy as it sounded, CJ never really got compliments—he’d get them—but not as much as he thinks he should. Karate is a hard sport and it takes time, effort, and patience. He wishes that more people would see that. He’s grateful that Josh understands that and knows that Karate isn’t just some sport where you do some easy techniques and call it a day. It’s so much more than that—and Josh knew. CJ shook off the thought with a toothy grin. “I’ve been wondering the same thing! But it is what is… someone needs to stay back and teach my peers how to do some hand and kicking techniques!”

Yeah, CJ is one of a kind.

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Back Forty View (On Our Piece Of Ground)

10 - I Will Always Return

Pairings: Tyler Owens x OFC Georgia Tennley-Owens, Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit (MDNI!)

Warnings: Just a whole lotta angst and sad, but a smidgen of happy at the end. More babies???

A/N: I was soooo stuck on this one so it's a little short but I think it rounds out this part of the plot nicely so that we can get both pairs back by themselves for a bit. Don't worry though this won't be the last chapter of this story, just the last one for a little bit while Tyler and Gee and Jake and Sam focus on each other again. As always I am ecstatic that y'all continue to read, comment, reblog, and so on. Knowing you enjoy this story as much as I do fuels me to write more! Gifs by @kaizsche Pics from Pinterest and a little collage by me in the middle. And there's a wee surpprise at the end, a little banner/collage thingy since so many of you seemed to enjoy that. Please enjoy!

Tags: @mrsevans90 @djs8891 @gpsmississippihippie @barnesboo1967 @dizzybee03 @coloraturadiva @kmc1989 @khouse712

“Jacob Seresin. What do you have to say for yourself?” Officer Mullins said, glancing at the school superintendent. 

“I’m real sorry. I won’t do it again.” Jake murmured, his gaze flicking from his father to the cop, then down. He’d folded his hands behind his back and his heart was pounding.

“No you won’t. Because if you do, you’ll go to jail. Now I hope that maybe you find God, or perhaps some sort of structure to keep you in line. Maybe the Military, like your stepfather.” The superintendent said, making it a point to emphasize the word ‘stepfather’ which made Jake ball his fists behind his back. Kenny noticed that and clapped a hand on the young man’s shoulder, rubbing firmly to ease the tension. 

“Yessir.” Jake agreed softly, not daring to look anyone in the eyes.

“You're dismissed.” The superintendent waved a hand and sat at his desk. Jake had nearly gotten expelled. He wasn’t going to take anyone talking shit about his brother, especially not some dumb football jock who’s dad is rich and gets everything handed to him. Jake wouldn’t fucking have it. He was just sorry that Tyler didn’t see him knock the kid senseless. He’d be proud of him for five seconds and then once Tyler heard what his punishment was, he’d be pissed. Jake started praying in the truck on the way home, because it was going to be rough on an out of school suspension just before graduation.

“Jake. I swear to god, boy, you better figure somethin’ out.” Kenny’s voice was rough, and stern as he drove out of the school parking lot. 

“I’m sorry, Kenny...dad...I’m sorry...” Jake said, twiddling with his thumbs and watching as they passed some of the Emory Family’s wheatfields. 

“I know you are Jake but damn it, why’d you have to do it? You couldn’t just let it go. You need to get that temper under control.” Kenny said, sighing heavily.

“I’m sorry...” Jake said, again, his tone apologetic and coming out almost flustered. He didn’t know how to not defend his family. He didn’t know how to not stand up for them.

“Y’know, maybe the Navy would be good for you. Give you somethin’ to expel all that pent up bullshit on.” Kenny looked pointedly at Jake, taking a left instead of a right toward their house. They headed to the Navy Recruitment office to see what Jake could do from there. 

Later that day, the green pickup rumbled along, the engine louder than ever. Jake knew it needed an oil change when it did that, and he would get around to it eventually, but he was trying to make sure he got top marks in class and stayed in tip top shape. Once he graduated, he was off to the Navy. And Tyler, well, Tyler was off to start his rodeo career. 

Jake popped a CD in and a twangy country song began to play as he glanced over at his brother, who was mouthing the words with a huge smile on his face and his arm slung out the window. Tyler shot him a look, full of pride but also concern. Tyler was ecstatic that Jake was joining the Navy, but he was also worried. What if he got deployed and got killed? But he knew it was what Jake needed to rein him in. Tyler had to push those thoughts out of his mind for now and enjoy being with his brother instead.

🌪️ 🛩️🛻⚓

Jake sat on the couch at his parent’s house, feeling the depression creep in and slowly consume him. Samantha and Jeanie had gone to the store and he was glad of that, knowing that his mother approved of his fiance. Kenny was out mowing the lawn, having had Tyler fix the tractor for him. 

Ballast, Jake’s dog through and through, sat with his head on Jake’s lap, his ever deepening amber eyes continually checking in on his owner. He would whine every once in a while and then poke Jake if he stopped petting him. Jake sighed heavily and then began to speak to the young dog.

“I don’t wanna go back to California bud. I wanna fly again...but I wanna stay here. I didn’t know how much I missed it here until I came back. I don’t know if I can say goodbye so soon.” He murmured, his fingers scratching behind Ballast’s ears. The dog shifted, his brows furrowing. Jake couldn't get over how expressive the dog was sometimes. “And...I’m freakin’ out about Sam...like, how can she not be pregnant already? It’s me, right? I’ve gotta be shootin’ blanks because there’s no way such a perfect, gorgeous, beautiful fucking woman could have anything wrong with her... fuck . I know I’m the problem...I’m always the problem.”

Ballast raised his head, staring straight into Jake’s eyes, amber burning through green steadily like a forest fire. Jake smiled weakly, his hand running down the dog’s back. Ballast stretched up and licked Jake’s cheek, then went to nibble on his ear. Jake laughed and rubbed the dog’s head, then pulled him into a hug. Ballast put a paw over Jake’s shoulder. In that moment, Jake felt like he was eighteen again, a fucking delinquent helpless to do anything else but hug the damn family dog because she’d been the only one not disappointed in him. 

As Jake wallowed in his sadness, Ballast sat quietly, across his lap, offering the same support that the dog’s dad had that first time he’d met Ryker. In so many ways, Ballast had become so much like Maddox, and Jake was thankful for that. There were things that dog had opened up in him, scars that he’d scratched at that Jake couldn’t put away. Jake’s anger, which always manifested because he was being protective, was the biggest one, and the harshest. 

“You get mad at him, he’s gonna come at you, Jake. He’s gonna take you down a peg. Control your anger.”

Jake’s gaze settled on Ballast. He took a deep, shuddering breath, which the dog noticed and again, he curled closer to his human. Ballast didn’t give a fuck about the other two dogs. Not one single fuck. He only cared for Jake. He’d been particularly sticky with Sam lately though and Jake didn’t know if that was an indication of anything. Jake was snapped from his introspection then by the front door opening. Rocco and Muster barked once each, and then went back to laying down together in a warm ball.

“Hey.” Sam said, as she helped Jeanie bring in the groceries that she’d gotten. Jake snapped his fingers at Ballast, who moved off his lap and heeled to Jake as he helped grab more bags. Jeanie wanted to get a lot while she had the help, knowing that Tyler and Georgia wouldn’t be along to visit for a little while with Jaycen. They’d have to go up toward Stillwater to see their grandson, which wasn’t a problem, but they knew Tyler and Georgia were also busy with work too. 

“Hi.” Jake kissed her on the cheek as he took some of the bags, placing them on the counter. Sam began putting food away as Jake went out to get more bags. Jeanie sighed as she met him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Momma. You go sit. I’ll grab the bags.” He said softly, taking them gently from her. She smiled as she patted his arm and used him to help her up the stairs. 

“You’re always a good boy, Jake. Thank you. I’ll rest my feet and then start on dinner. You should eat before you head out.” She said and Jake nodded. He grabbed the rest of the groceries, and helped Sam put them away. All three of the dogs had risen and Jake decided to take them for a short walk to the end of the driveway and back. Sam elected to go with him.

“You seem off today. What’s wrong?” She asked, wrapping her arm around his waist. He placed his around her shoulders and they matched steps as they walked. 

“Don’t wanna leave...” He murmured and Sam nodded.

“I know you don’t but we have to go home at some point.” She said, pulling him closer. He let out a deep sigh again, feeling his anxiety bubble. Why was he anxious?

“This is my home.” His brows furrowed and Sam drew back slightly. He knew he shouldn’t have said it.

“What about my home, Jake?” She asked, stopping. He came to a halt too and she stepped away from him. He shook his head, reaching for her.

“I know...I’m sorry. I’m just...I don’t know...” He couldn’t express his thoughts to words that would be what she wanted to hear at that moment. Sam wanted to go home. The only thing tethering Jake to Miramar was her. Of course there was his promotion and all that, but he could be a Lieutenant Commander anywhere in the world. He didn’t have to stay specifically in Miramar to do that. He could be stationed in Oklahoma City at Tinker Air Force Base, or he could be even closer in Enid, at Vance Air Force Base, which employed an active flying academy. If he wanted to teach, he could be closer to home instead of being stationed in Miramar. But he also understood that it was where Sam felt the most comfortable. And Jake would be uncomfortable so that she could be okay. He’d promised her that much.

🌪️ 🛩️🛻⚓

This was the fucking worst. 

Jake said goodbye to Jeanie and Kenny and he held it together. He was okay with that because he’d left a hundred times before, but this, this was fucking heartbreaking. 

He hugged his brother tightly, too tight. So tight that Tyler had to pry him away. When his brother looked into his eyes, the matching sage green meeting, his brow furrowed and he sighed.

“It’ll be okay, Jakey. You’ll be back soon enough.” Tyler’s voice was low, at a whisper, because he knew Jake didn’t want to leave. He knew Jake wanted to stay here, but he couldn’t. Sam was tugging his heartstrings so fucking hard to go back to California, that it was overriding everything in Jake that made him want to stay. Tyler's voice was quiet because he knew Jake didn’t want Sam to hear what he had to say next. “If somethin’...anythin’...doesn’t work out, you will always have a place here, with me and Gee.”

Jake pulled away then, Tyler’s words stinging. He knew what Tyler meant though. He knew if things got rough and he had to retreat somewhere for a while again, that he could come here. Tyler was well aware that Jake never wanted to leave Samantha, but he also knew that if Jake needed to get away, this home would be open to him for that.

“And you call me more than ya have been the past couple years. Text me as much as you want. I don’t mind.” Tyler’s words were comforting then. 

“I know. Thank you.” Jake said, taking a hold of his brother’s shoulders then, his grip like heavy stone. He backed away from Tyler, only about a foot or so, allowing Georgia to step in smoothly with baby Jaycen. Jake’s eyes grew misty as he gently let his fingers brush over the little boy’s head. He had nearly a full head of hair now, short and sandy brown like his father’s. The boy reached for him, and Jake offered a single finger, which Jaycen wrapped a chubby hand around and giggled as he did so. Georgia watched her husband’s brother’s expression dissolve into one of anguish. Jake could only weakly smile at Georgia, whom he then kissed on the cheek softly before he reached for Sam. 

“Thank you for everything. We’ll be back soon.” Sam said softly to Tyler as she drew back from his warm embrace. She’d already said her goodbyes to Georgia and Jaycen, but as she took Jake’s hand, she carefully hugged the other woman once more. 

Ballast and Grits were just like the brothers, getting in one last play session before they parted ways. It was like the dogs knew. Muster had become fast friends with Waffles, and Pancake had taken a liking to Rocco, but the four quieter dogs all sat in a line near the truck, waiting for a signal. Tyler snapped his fingers for the cattle dogs and Jake opened the back seat for his. He lifted Rocco in and then shut the door. Grits glanced up and whined softly to Tyler, who reached down and patted the red dog’s head.

Georgia saw longing in Samantha’s eyes as she took one last look at little Jaycen as her and Jake piled into the already packed truck with the dogs, their Christmas gifts, packed bags, and some food for along the way in a giant cooler. Georgia would miss that truck, but most of all she would miss her husband’s brother and the wonderful women he’d found. She would miss the dogs and how well they fit in with theirs. 

“Drive safe! Let us know when you get home!” Tyler exclaimed, and as Jake backed out of the space in the driveway and turned around, he waved. Sam did too, and Tyler and Georgia waved back and then they both glanced down at their son and the dogs, who had gathered at their feet. 

The Owens household would be a little too quiet for a little while after that.

🌪️ 🛩️🛻⚓

Jake and Sam drove in silence, the dogs all comfortably napping in the back seat. Their journey home would be around twenty hours of driving and making some pit stops along the way to the Texas Air and Space Museum, the New Mexico Route 66 Museum, the Japanese Garden of Friendship in Phoenix, Arizona, and a short detour to Joshua Tree National Park before finally reaching Miramar.

Jake elected to do the first part of the drive, as he felt like he just needed to. He'd put on a spotify playlist that Tyler had made and shared with him, plenty of country music to keep his thoughts on the road and just a little distracted. Sam was scrolling on her phone and at some point, as the sun began to dip below the horizon, she stopped and placed it on the center console, her gaze settling on the landscape and fading light out the window. 

“Hey.” Jake's voice startled her slightly, but he reached across the console and she intertwined her fingers with his. It was an action he'd done a million times before but this time it had a certain weight to it. There was an uneasy tension between them, and they could both feel it. It was suffocating.

“It's my turn now because I know you're not okay.” Sam said softly, as she squeezed his hand firmly. Jake's eyes left the road for a second and then focused back.

“What's that mean?” He asked, tone flat. She shifted beside him. 

“I know you don't want to go home...to California. I'm forcing you to. I know that.” She admitted and he glanced at her again, but didn't reply, so she continued. “I'm sorry. I just can't leave for good yet.”

Jake's brows knitted and he felt like he should pull over, but he wanted to get to their hotel. His voice came out slightly shaky and it made Sam tear up.

“I told you when I first came home...that I would shatter myself to pieces for you. That I would take all of your pain and get rid of it. I can still do that...but you then need to be patient with me because I need space after everything is put on me. It's why I don't hang out with my detachment sometimes. It's why I like being at home with you and just sitting doin’ fuck all.”

“I’m not asking you to take it all...” She murmured.

“Aren’t you? I told you. I am comfortable in Oklahoma. In Arkansas.” Jake’s knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. Sam noticed this and she placed her other hand on his forearm, rubbing up and down, trying to quell the frustration she could feel building within him.

“We have to go home though. Your job is there. My mother is there. She just lost her husband. I just lost my...” Sam’s words came out choked and she wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. Jake’s jaw worked as he felt tears sting his eyes knowing that he was upsetting her. 

“I’m sorry...I don’t wanna fight, Samantha. We’re both tired, we’re both upset, and I don’t think we should keep talking about this while I’m driving. When we get to the hotel...can we pick this up again? Please?” Jake asked, sage green flicking nervously over to her. She nodded and went to take her hand from his but he wouldn’t let her and instead lifted it and touched his lips to the back, leaving them there for a few moments before resting their entwined hands on the console. “Don’t pull away, please. Don’t lea...leave me...” He stuttered.

“I’m not going to leave you, Jake.  I love you...I’m just...having a hard time with this too...you probably don’t realize it but i was happy there too...but I feel obligated to go home. My home is not your home, I know that. But I wish I was your home .”

“Fuck...Sam...Samantha...you...you are my home. But sometimes I just don’t feel like I belong there, and I hate that...”

“Why...why would you ever feel that way? Am I not enough for you?”

“You are. You will always be. But I feel like I’ve been failing you. I feel like I came back damaged and it’s just been a fucking downhill slope that I keep sliding down and I can’t get back up...and then we came here and I don’t know, I suddenly didn’t feel like that. I felt like I brought you down here and that you were finally safe. We were finally safe.”

“Do you not want to fly again? Is that what this is about?”

“No I do...but I don’t know that I want to be deployed again. I am fucking terrified that I won’t come home...I’ve lost enough pilots, enough friends...when do I not come home, huh? And then what...I leave you and a kid without a husband and father? I can’t even bear the thought of that. It makes my chest hurt like hell, holy shit.”

“How do you become an Admiral then? Do you even still want that?”

“Yes. I do. And I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.” Jake’s voice trembled with his last words and then Sam’s free hand made it’s way to his chest, as she leaned slightly over the center of the truck.

“Jake. I love you more than anything. But you need to talk to me. You need to meet me halfway. You cannot keep these feelings you’re having from me. You can’t keep going to therapy and not talking there either. You need to let me all the way in. No matter how ugly the bottom of your soul is...you need to let me meet that part of you .” Sam’s voice trailed off and then she rubbed over the front of his chest, feeling his heart pounding like it was trying to jump right out of it. They let the silence fall over them, Jake trying to figure out exactly how to accomplish that without scaring her away. He couldn’t ever be without her again.

🌪️ 🛩️🛻⚓

Tyler sat quietly on the couch, Grits on the back as usual, and Jaycen sleeping soundly in his arms. He glanced down at Georgia, her head against his shoulder, her breath coming out leisurely. Pancake was laid across her lap, her arm over the dog’s back, and Waffles was on the arm next to Tyler, her snout as close as she could get to the little boy without disturbing him. 

“I already miss them.” Tyler murmured, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly, shakily.

“Me too. But we have this wonderful little boy to help keep us busy. Until the next time that they come back.” She said softly, rubbing Pancake’s shoulders. The dog sighed and furrowed her brows at Georgia, which made her smile. 

“Yeah. You’re right. And some other stuff to keep us busy too. Found a truck for Kate. We just gotta go look at it, make sure it’s okay.” He said, tilting his head as Jaycen shifted in his arms but did not wake.

“That’s good. She can stop trying to crash yours and Boone’s.” She said, which made a chuckle rumble up from Tyler’s chest.

“Yeah exactly. And we’ll plan a day to go look at a truck for you. I promise. I’m glad you got rid of the Denali though. I was afraid of you towing with it.” 

“When am I gonna be towing?” She asked, shifting against him so that she was slightly closer and Pancake did the same.

“Don’t know. Figured you might wanna take Tulsa to a couple places while you’re not pregnant.”

“Well...you mean before my belly gets big again.” She smirked.

“What?” Tyler shot a sly smile at her.

“I took a test this morning. I’m pregnant again, Ty.” Her lips turned up into a wide grin and Tyler carefully turned so that he could kiss her.

“Oh fuck. I’m gonna cry, darlin’.” His voice became a whisper.

“Well you had a hand in it, silly.”

“I know but you’re the one who’s doing all the work. I’m just the...well...y’know.”

“The very handsome stud?” Georgia raised a brow and smirked. Tyler's lips turned up again, his mouth dropping open.

“Well, darlin’, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should. You’re quite the specimen.” She mused, making him chuckle and shake his head. His chest filled with warmth as he gazed at his beautiful wife and then down at his adorable son. He opened his mouth to speak but then stopped, wanting to enjoy the happiness that was overflowing in the air, within their little family of two legged and four legged creatures.

[sparrowmoss]

being on both tumblr and twitter sucks balls sometimes like what is it that theres no cross platforms agreement on some things. people on twitter know pretty thoroughly that AI generated art and other content is Bad. like i mean Bad bad. especially AI art, samples and learns from actual human artists who poured hours into their skills, and it samples these without permission from the artists. its literally art theft. in the worst possible fucking way. and people on tumblr seem to go craaazy for AI content!!! why!!! please be conscious of the shit ur consuming!!!!!!

[king-spite]

genuinely believe that the only correct way to approach the whole marecal vs mareven deal is to adore all three of them with your whole heart. and see them as a trio rather than a love triangle. like sorry but if you don't lowkey fw all of them and like each of them as a character on their own AND accept the many layers of the relationship they have with one another you're not getting things right :/

[ihamtmus]

it's weird how jhope is Right There and he's like the Most Talented Person but some armys just. don't see him. should be studied

[shigarakisstalker]

hii ! i’m the one who asked for dabi x fem!reader with family issues and YOU ATE 🥹💓 comfort fics are my fave!!

i was now thinking of maybe hcs of dabi & shoto todoroki (separately) of how they would be like if they had a crush on fem!reader? considering their lack of affection at home and how maybe dabi would see it as weakness while shoto would probably not understand his feelings, so i wondered how they would process and act on it ?? if that makes sense 😭

but thank you again for writing my ask! it really made my day :)

hello my love! i’m so glad it made your day that means so much to me 😭💞 and i’m so glad you enjoyed it :) i love your asks so much so here you go!

when the todorokis have a crush on a !fem reader…

dabi refused to acknowledge it at all. a cold hearted villain like him falling for someone? unheard of. he couldn’t do it. but god your smile. he loved everything about you, whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. despite being a villain you were so kind and gentle to him. it was unbearable for him. he even found himself resenting you for a little bit because of the new found feelings. it’s only when you finally confront him about his harsh attitude towards you that he finds himself spilling his guts. you can’t help but be astonished. never had you expected it from someone like him. but nonetheless you welcomed him with open arms.

but don’t be fooled, a relationship with him is complicated as fuck. he lacks any sense of communication skills and is so back and forth. he can’t choose between being harsh and shutting you out or being affectionate in his own ways. he’s more of a “i’ll do things for you to prove my love but i wont show affection” type of guy, contrary to popular believe. it takes forever for you to be able to touch him without him flinching or being repulsed.

shoto is more open about it all. he absolutely loves your attention and finds it comforting. being that he lacked it so much in his child hood, he is soooo clingy and demanding. it takes awhile for this side to introduce itself to you, but it’s so worth it in the end. he’s not really a pda type of person so it’s all i’m private. but he does do little things in public when he’s feeling extra needy or jealous. little things like resting his chin on your shoulder, holding pinkies with you, and subtly wrapping an arm around your waist.

but like i said, it takes awhile for this side of him to warm up to you. at first he doesn’t like the attention, thinking it’s too much and uncomfortable. but once he gets used to it he’s demanding for it constantly. he needs you to make up for it after all these years loll.

[hauntingblue]

AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH WE GOT ARCANEEEEEEEEEE

[gorillaxyz]

i love my sister... we talked about demon slayer again :) and she complained about how bad jjk is

[deadtower]

“progressive leftists” just going full mask off with the antisemitism huh

[rotisseries]

what’re your thoughts on live action zelda movie? i assume they’re not positive !

so glad you asked! my plans for the premiere will be a suicide bombing at nintendo hq! hope this answered your question!

[seiwas]

i maxxed the tags (what did i expect) but!!

what a soft piece ari 🥺 thank you for sharing this hurt/comfort piece w us!! i think satoru will always be a figure of strength—but i think it’s in part because that’s how he brands himself to be around the people he cares about. he’ll never truly share how he thinks and feels about things, will almost always downplay it really. but he’s always worrying, always aware and cautious, overthinking 🥺 and i felt that loads here!!

there’s a shipwreck stuck between your ribs ; satoru gojo

synopsis; three times satoru sees you cry, and the understanding you gain of each other from it.

word count; 4.6k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, the synopsis speaks for itself i think, copious amounts of hurt/comfort, i just think he’d be so good at comforting u :ccc, also fluff!!, he’s addicted to calling u ”baby,” satoru gojo vs human emotion (he loses)

a/n; pls ignore the fact that 90% of my gojo fics are hurt/comfort ok we dont need to get into that <33 the writing in this one might be a lil rusty but im pretty fond of this gojo :’3

dim lights, buttery popcorn, and boredom.

the senses invading his mind are mellow, coaxing, a little tedious. all he can see are the buzzing lights before him, all he can hear is the insistent chewing of the people around him, and all he can feel is just that:

boredom.

satoru stifles a yawn, resting his cheek on the heel of his palm. he’s trying to pay attention — really, he is. trying to pay attention to the movie he picked out himself, after thoughtful consideration, one he’s been looking forward to watching with you all week. he’s trying his best. but, gosh, it’s just so boring.

or maybe he just doesn’t have it in him today — with all these too-dim lights, too-loud popcorn-chewers, and the too-convoluted plot playing on the big screen in front of him. he has no idea what’s happening, anymore, what scene this is supposed to be. some sob-story? he clocked out a while ago.

so, with nothing better to do — satoru decides to savour another view.

that’s how it always goes. no matter the movie, no matter the snacks, whether you’re watching at home on the couch or a nearby movie theatre — eventually, when his eyelids begin to grow heavy, or when his attention span begins to falter, that blue-soaked gaze of his shifts. a moth to a flame, following his instincts. constantly looking over to see what kind of face you're making. 

after all, your reactions are far more entertaining than any movie could ever hope to be. little sighs of exasperation, jolts and shivers down your spine, or a laughter so bubbly he can’t resist leaning in for a kiss or ten — he loves it. adores it. lives and dies by it. 

so satoru turns his head, and looks at you, knowing you’ll save him from the boredom clutching at his subconscious. 

and something in his chest constricts.

at first, he doesn’t notice it. hungrily lapping over the expanse of your jaw, to your cheekbones, his gaze drinking in everything he can see. scanning your eyes for a hint of emotion; and he finds it. he finds it in something that glimmers in the dim lighting of the theatre, something that has his breath drawing back to the depths of his throat.

tears.

crystalline, dew-drawn, a fresh set of tears clinging to the edge of your lash line. they’ve yet to fall, but satoru sees them — he sees them and he doesn’t know what to do. 

tears. 

tears?

you’re crying.

in the depths of your glassy eyes, he sees a fractured scene — playing against the scope of your iris, as the movie reflects off your pupils. there’s a turmoil there, a sadness, one that has you covering your mouth with the front of your knuckle. and you’re crying.

satoru wants to tease you. he wants to lean over and purr against the shell of your ear, poke fun at you for being so emotional. such a little baby. what else is he supposed to do?

the tricky part is that he can’t. he can’t move, can’t shape his voice into a purr, can’t even speak. he’s frozen in place like a bug trapped in amber, stuck to his seat, unable to do anything but blink at you in what he thinks might be bewilderment.

his breath hitches — and that’s all. 

something about the sight of you makes him falter, makes him stop in his tracks. catches him off guard. he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t recognize the feeling stirred deep within his chest, something discomforting and foreign. doesn’t understand why his heart feels so itchy, all of a sudden.

then your eyes meet.

and you blink. once, then twice. eyes just a little wide, an embarrassed kind of surprise. he thinks you must be flustered, and he’s proven right when your gaze flees from his.

a mingle of words clog up at the base of his throat. say something, say something, say something. but he doesn’t know what. 

he wets his lips, preparing to part them, but before he can get the first syllable out you're leaning in. close. close enough that he feels your breath ghost against the shell of his ear, close enough that his heart starts skipping the way it always does when you press yourself against him like that’s where you belong.

a whisper. it’s small, hushed, a little frail. but there’s something else, too, laced together with the vowels — amusement. 

”you didn’t tell me this was a sad movie.”

a pout plays at your lips, as you murmur your grievances. but then there’s that amusement; it’s there when you pull back, in the crinkle of your sparkling eyes, the curve of your smile. 

and satoru’s shoulders relax. stiffened bones melting. he exhales a breath he had no idea he was holding, and his heart feels at ease. a grin finds it’s way to his lips, wide, teasing, cheshire and sweet. 

he leans a little closer, bumping his head against yours. gently. ”i think you’re just sensitive, baby.”

his teasing is rewarded with a little huff, as your elbow meets his side. soft. everything you do is soft. 

”oh, shut up,” you scoff. smiling. he’s so relieved that you’re smiling. 

a moth to a flame, following his instincts, satoru brings you closer. an arm around your waist, pulling you into his orbit, until you’re practically sharing seats. searching for your hand — and he finds it, intertwining his long fingers with yours, just to give it a little squeeze.

(for some reason, he feels more protective than usual.)

he feels your gaze. questioning, maybe. but you melt into him quickly, with your head slumped against his shoulder, and his heart settles back into a sleepy rhythm. just watching the movie pass you by.

the dim lighting of the theatre casts a hazy shadow over your face, a tender desaturation, and his eyes stay glued to it when you aren’t looking. the smell of popcorn hangs heavy in the air, salty and buttery, warm and sweet, and he’s almost grateful to feel that familiar boredom tug at his veins.

anything is fine. anything is better than that discomfort, that irritating itch. 

satoru watches the movie flicker by, scene by scene, whispering commentary into your ear and stealing your popcorn with a satisfied hum. chuckling when you whisper-shout at him to cut it out!

he tries not to think of the glittering tears at your lash line, and almost succeeds.

rain clouds, cups of chamomile, and frustration.

it seeps out into the open air, engulfing your living room in a feverish haze. thick and suffocating; the scent of heavy rain, lukewarm tea, and that ugly, ugly feeling underneath his skin.

it pulses. it itches. and oh, how it aches.

satoru hates it. he hates feeling angry, feeling upset — hates when either of those emotions are in connection to you. hates it, hates it, hates it more than anything.

he does everything he possibly can to avoid it; his eyes are keen, always have been, and he can see when that thin line he shouldn’t cross crawls a little too close for comfort. when the rubber band of your patience just snaps. he sees all your buttons, knows which ones not to push. he knows you.

and, more importantly, more than anything — nothing you do could ever make him angry at you. 

(well, at least that’s what he thought.) 

satoru’s anger is a fickle thing, controlled, kept under wraps. it’s a slow process; it simmers, boils, a cup of chamomile brewed too long. and then it all but invades his senses. it never gets the best of him, never, but right now he can feel it — little pinpricks against his skin, a frustration that stirs his guts and has his eyes going cold.

satoru towers over you, like this. full height on display. not slouching or draping himself over furniture, but standing tall, and proud, and menacing. he isn’t smiling, and that’s all you need to know that he’s upset with you. his eyes are layered over with discontentment. 

a sigh spills from his lips, a little gruff, unmistakably annoyed. it slices the silence of the room in half, and a shiver travels down your spine. he doesn’t notice it. his voice has a rough edge to it, something firm. something that doesn’t sound like it could come out of his mouth at all.

”don’t act like such a child.”

a flinch. or maybe more like a jolt; this time, he notices, but it’s too late. he’s in too deep, boiled water licking at his ankles, pulling him down. frustration nips at his skin, and he can’t quite seem to push it away.

and you’re just so, so unaccustomed to it. unaccustomed to seeing him wear anything but a smile, unaccustomed to that cold gaze, usually nothing but warm and fond when it meets your own. this isn’t like him.

it’s not like him at all.

swallowing thickly, you do your best to calm down. but before you can make any attempt to contain it, wetness begins to gather in the corners of your eyes. pooling, little droplets yearning to fall.

satoru notices them instantly. he sees that sad glimmer, framed by the murky darkness seeping in from beyond the curtains, accompanied by the symphony of pitter patter against the windowpane. tears, much like the rain beating down outside.

and his chest goes cold.

a tiny sniffle pushes past your lips, and the dam inside you begins to break — tears tripping over your lash line, rolling down your cheeks. cascading across your pretty face. the air fills with a sense of dread, and both of you seem to be thinking the exact same thing.

(oh, fuck.)

satoru notices, belatedly, that his throat has gone dry. that his heart feels itchy, again. it itches and itches but he can’t do anything to soothe it, and your tears continue to fall. 

his heart begins to crack. right down the middle, like a gash in the reflection of a puddle, right across his chest. it hurts.

an inhale, then an exhale. you’re still trying to keep it all together, grasping for control over your emotions, but it’s not going too well. the little breaths that escape your throat are shaky at best, hands trembling as you wipe the tears away with the front of your wrists. and your voice sounds a little like it’s about to crumble away. 

”sorry,” you squeak, taking a step back. there’s a silent panic in the gesture, one that makes satoru want to get down on his knees. ”i’ll just — i’ll leave —”

he wants to stop you. he needs to stop you. but he does nothing, nothing at all, even as you stumble out. leaving the haunting echo of tiny sniffles and tear-stained cheeks behind you. 

satoru just stands there. once again, the sight of your tears seems to render him completely helpless. useless.

and he's frustrated, honestly. frustrated by the argument, by your tears, by his own guilt. he’s so frustrated he wants to claw his eyes out. he scratches at his forearm, but it does no good. all he can think of is your frightened little expression.

(he scared you.)

satoru slumps down on the couch, head in his hands, running rough fingers through his soft hair. it’s unruly by the time he’s done, and his bottom lip is bruised with teeth marks, and everything in the world feels so meaningless. so out of tune.

(he made you cry.)

a sigh. drawn out, tinged with exhaustion, bitter and battered like the swing of a baseball bat. he feels a little like he could throw up. it’s foreign, this emotion, suffocating. how long has it been since he genuinely felt this kind of shame?

the crack in his heart grows deeper, while you’re gone. more severe. every moment you spend outside of his vision makes him falter more and more, makes his desperation grow. desperate to plead for your forgiveness, to convince you not to leave. to wipe the tears away from your cheeks, delicately, the way you deserve. but he can do nothing but sit there, useless, repeating the same old phrase inside his mind.

he’ll make it up to you.

and when you finally come back, having calmed down a bit, he does just that. you’re embarrassed, he can tell, a little meek. it makes him feel that discomforting emotion, again, that ache. the crack that only ever seems to deepen.

but he covers it all up with a smile. a little sheepish, more than a little forced, but he hopes you understand. hopes you can see his remorse, see a man who loves you, because he does. 

so satoru takes you into his arms, softly, hands finding the small of your back. delicate, protective. a little whisper spilling from his lips. 

”’m sorry, baby. i didn’t mean it.”

and it’s not enough. he knows it isn’t. but he does what he can — even when it just ends up clumsy, teasing, bordering on something that most would interpret as insincere. all he can do is coddle you. shower you in hugs and kisses, gifts and praises. he hands it out like candy, eager hands finding yours, everything spilling out of his chest all at once. 

there’s a desperation to it that isn’t lost on you.

but it works. he’ll make it up to you; he swears. and he dotes on you until you’re too embarrassed to be sad anymore, apologizes until his throat runs dry. until he’s sure you believe him. 

he brews you another cup of chamomile, stirred to perfection, warm enough to make up for the shiver he sent down your spine. the rain beating down on your windows serves as a constant reminder of his failure, and satoru does his best to ignore it. swallowing what’s left of his frustration, focusing on you.

anything to see you smile again. anything to wash away the red tint to your eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. anything to hear you laugh, to get you to feel safe around him again. 

(anything to make him forget the sight of those tears rolling down your cheeks.)

panic, panic, panic.

it’s all he can feel, all he can think, the only emotion his muddled mind can cling to. he’s in pure, sincere, genuine panic, and you aren’t saying a thing. can’t bring yourself to.

arms wrapped around his waist, tightly, you hide away in the crook of his neck. clutching the fabric of his shirt, burrowing your face deeper into his warmth — and you’re not just crying.

you’re downright sobbing.

satoru knew something was off the moment you fell into his embrace, suddenly, tackling him into a hug so desperate it left him reeling. a kind of desperation he isn’t used to, from you.

he knew something was wrong. 

he knew even before he heard it; your choking sobs, those shaky, heaving breaths. muffled into the cotton of his shirt, his uncertain arms around you.

they break his heart.

”hey, hey…” there’s a soothing lilt to his voice, awfully delicate. sweet like molten honey, almost enough to hide the panic. ”what’s wrong?”

satoru holds you to his chest, safe and secure, cradling you protectively. as if shielding you from the world — from whatever or whoever got you like this. as if you’d crumble into dust, otherwise.

he tries to calm down, but his mind is spinning like a broken clock, and your silence doesn’t help. you’re trying to respond; he knows you are, but you just can’t get the words out. any attempts only make you cry harder.

a shake of your head is all he gets — and it’s not much, but satoru’s learned to make a lot out of a little. 

so he continues to hold you, hiding his worry, tucking his anxiety away somewhere you won’t be able to see. he curses, inwardly, grasping blindly for conclusions — for some divine guidance. how is he supposed to deal with this?

(how long has it been since he felt so very useless?)

gentle. that’s the approach he takes, finally, hiding his nervosity. he rocks you back and forth, just a little, like he’s lulling you to sleep; his warm hands finding the small of your back, the back of your head. cradling you so close you hear his rapid heartbeat by your ear.

soothing whispers. murmured into your hair, so soft they seem to melt once they slip from his tongue, all honey and devotion. affection so palpable you taste it in the air, from the breaths he exhales. 

”it’s fine. i’m here, i’m here… i’ve got you.”

he doesn’t know what he’s doing, not really, but it seems to work. because you calm down, after a while, just sniffling into his neck and letting him soothe you. sobs and unstable heaves, turning into whimpers and shaky breaths. clinging to him all the while; so desperate for comfort, for him.

it makes him feel so, so desperate to protect you, to wash every single one of your worries away.

it’s unbearable, this aching desire. like a great, insatiable, unnamed something deep within the caverns of his chest, clawing at his ribcage, snarling and hissing, itching to break out so it can open its maw and devour you both.

(it’s ugly. it’s grotesque. it wants to keep you safe so badly it might kill him for it.)

a coo. sad, dripping with care, a comforting tone that he hopes you’ll find soothing. he smooths his palm down the back of your head, heavy, doting. it hurts so much to see you hurt.

”my baby….” satoru exhales, a little shaky. but he smiles, and he hopes you can hear it, hopes it’ll help mend the pain in your chest. ”what’s got you this upset, hm? you're worrying me, here…”

a broken sniffle. the guilt eats at you, gnaws at your bones, and all you can do is hide away in the crook of his neck. apologizing, your voice no more than a tremor of a breath.

”’m sorry…”

and satoru thinks his heart shatters. he can practically hear the crash, feel the broken, useless little pieces dig into his skin.

his arms travel down to your hips, steady, and he lifts you up. just for a second, just so he can plop down on the floor with you in tow — keeping you snuggled into his neck. seated on his lap with your legs around his waist, like you’re his baby koala.

”shh, it's okay,” he soothes, a grounding rumble of his chest right by your ear. he’s got you enveloped, wrapped up in his buzzing warmth, and all you can feel is him. ”you’re okay. no matter what it is, i'll take care of it, alright? you can rely on me.”

a moment passes. 

satoru clears his throat. nervous, suddenly. ”you know that, right?”

all you can give him is a shaky nod, but it’s enough. he sighs, in palpable relief, still rubbing circles into your back. ”okay,” he sneaks a hand underneath your shirt, tracing little shapes into your bare skin. ”good.”

he isn’t sure how long you spend there, on the floor, entirely focused on comforting you. washing away all your sadness, with every gentle caress, every soothing murmur of there, there… every little stutter of his heartbeat next to yours.

and when you’ve finally calmed down, melting under his touch and into his skin, arms going lax around his neck — satoru takes a breath. collecting himself, so you don’t have to. acting like his heart isn’t still a mess of crushed glass.

”you okay now?” he coos, drawing absentminded hearts into the skin of your back. his voice is teasing, but warm, spilling from his tongue and into your ear. deep and smooth. ”almost gave me a heart attack, baby.”

he feels the way your grip around him tightens, just a smidge, and he hears the weak little breath you draw in. your voice is still shaky, and it makes him want to rearrange the world, stitch those broken vowels back together. 

(he doesn’t like how irrational it is, this insatiable something. how it makes him want to bend the rules of the universe, just to see you smile. a dangerous temptation.)

”i’m sorry,” you croak, clinging to him like a shipwreck to a shore. ”it’s not — not a big deal, ’m just…” 

satoru pulls back. just a little bit, making sure your arms and legs stay in their rightful place, curled around his neck and waist. making sure the two of you stay connected.

then he pinches your cheek.

”don’t apologize,” he quips, a playful frown on his face. soft, a vague furrow of his brows. like he’s scolding you. 

it makes you wince, your eyes downcast. you look so meek. a little like a kicked puppy, glassy eyes glancing up at him in search of comfort.

satoru clicks his tongue. ”and don’t look at me like that, either.” 

he boops your nose, playful, doting, and you exhale weakly. it’s small, more breath than a real laugh, but you’re almost smiling, and —

it’s a start. it’s something.

satoru coos, voice dripping with warmth, sickeningly sweet. it seeps from his fingertips when he cradles your cheek in his palm, rubbing circles into the puffy skin beneath your eyes. there’s a mirth in his own, crinkled at the edges, tucked into that blue shade, something glazed over with pure adoration.

”there’s that smile.” 

he leans forward, closer, to press a kiss against the bridge of your nose, eyelashes fluttering. tickling your skin. you fall further into his embrace and he makes no move to resist, wouldn’t do it even if he physically could. even if he had the strength to let you go.

then he broaches the subject. hesitant. tactful, careful, delicate — he tries to remember how it works. how to handle something fragile. he thinks of those boxes you carried last week, little porcelain cups. heavy in his arms. he thinks of the way you jab his side with your elbow; gentle, always gentle, even though there’s never any need.

he thinks of you, and it all comes easy. that’s how it always goes.

”wanna talk about it?” he asks, softly. fingers treading through your hair, scratching softly at your scalp. it makes you melt, a little. clearing your throat.

”it’s nothing, really,” you mumble, tiny, seeking respite in the warmth that seeps from his body. speaking with a raspy voice, a hoarse throat, all tired out after crying. ”nothing big, anyway…” 

a moment passes, before you continue. ”i guess it's just been a rough week,” you admit, a sigh slipping from your lips, tinged with pure exhaustion. ”just little things piling up. ’m okay now.” 

a hum. satoru clears his throat.

”anything i can do?”

(please let me help.)

but you only shake your head. ”you’ve already done enough,” you assure him, leaning into his touch. ”think i just needed to get it all out, y’know?”

a beat. an itch. satoru holds you tight, a little tighter than he should. gentle, he reminds himself. but he needs you close enough to feel the flutter of your heartbeat, close enough to delude himself that you’ve merged together. closer isn’t close enough.

he gnaws at his bottom lip, teeth sinking into the flesh. pulling words out from the back of his throat, uncertain. ”i’m always here,” he settles on. ”if there’s anything you need, come straight to me. okay?”

a frown plays at your lips. you’re silent, for a while, until he hears you mumble beneath your breath.

”i don’t want to bother you so much, though…”

”— it’s not a bother.”

the words spill into the air, a little more firm than he meant to sound. but he means them.

”i’m serious. if you ever need help, with anything, come find me. i’m yours,” satoru inhales, deep, his chest moving in tune with the breath. you’re carried along with it, as if being lulled to sleep, following the steady pattern of his lungs. 

then he exhales. in, and out, and with it comes a promise. ”if anyone makes you cry, i’ll get rid of them.”

he says it casually, so casually that you assume it’s a joke, a bout of breathless giggles pushing past your lips. the sound has his own curling up, and he doesn’t have the heart to correct you. has enough tact to know that this might not be the best moment to let you know that he’s honestly a little terrified of how far he’d be willing to go to keep you safe and happy. 

but you’re smiling, finally, laughing. and that matters more than anything. when he closes his eyes, he thinks he can even feel the telltale signs that his heart is picking itself back up, gluing jagged shards into a shape that resembles you.

"that's scary!” you gasp, amusement bubbling up inside your throat. ”you’d go to jail for me?”

satoru huffs. ”bold of you to assume i’d get caught,” he tuts, a smug smile on his face. it makes you giggle, again, and he feels like a god.

”okay, okay,”  you nose at his neck, breathing him in, strawberry lotion and laundry detergent filling your senses. ”please don’t kill anyone on my behalf, though.”

”no promises.”

”satoru…”

slowly, steadily, his heart begins to stitch itself together. it helps that you’re there, he thinks. helps that you’re pressed up against him, that you’re holding him, like he’s the safest thing in the world. like you trust him.

(the word tastes like molten honey and luscious berries, sickly-sweet on his tongue. he gulps it down hungrily.)

it’s healing. the weight of your arms around him, the breaths that brush against his neck. he holds you to keep you together, intact, to keep himself together. a shipwreck and a shore — he just isn’t sure which one of you is which. but your jagged edges fit just right with his own.

”i don’t like seeing you cry.”

you blink. gazing up at him, with a contemplative look in your eyes. it melts into something a little too close to guilt for his liking. shame.

”— but i still want you to let me see you like that.” satoru smiles, with a tilt of his head. snowy tufts of hair falling across his face. ”is that weird?”

a moment passes. then you hum.

”no,” you exhale, a little breathless. smiling, somewhat weak, but still enough to have his heart skipping a beat. ”i love that about you, satoru.”

”huh?” he gapes at you — blinking dumbly. ”love what? that i want to see you sob into my chest?”

”that you try,” you stifle a yawn, sleepily nuzzling into him, all tuckered out from crying. ”even when it makes you a little uncomfortable.”

satoru stills. 

silence fills the space between you. there’s nothing more to say. his tongue isn’t really cooperating with him, anyhow — all tied up. so he leaves a kiss on the top of your head, and doesn’t say a word about the tremor running through his chest. 

he hates seeing you cry. hates how powerless it makes him feel, how useless. hates the fact that he can’t always protect you from the world, from himself.

but you let him see you like that.

he thinks of your tears, crystalline and glassy, like translucent marbles on a summer shore — and sees the trust instead of the sorrow. he thinks of your tearstained face, meek and feeble, and knows it’ll always be enough to break his heart to pieces. 

he thinks of you, and tells himself that it’s worth it; just as long as he gets to bring that pretty little smile back to life.