#because let’s be honest if i’m not getting paid anyway i have much better things to do with my time

[kkpwnall]

getting real sick and tired of working a bullshit job that can’t even manage to pay me on time

[tamelee]

Hi I'm the person who asked for education advice.

I would like advice on almost everything you mentioned, the learning aspect itself and breaking down goals mostly. Also just the fear of failure haunts me a lot. Also, you're in your 20s right? Do you live alone, on campus, with parents? Is that hard to adjust to, if you know about that? I really appreciate you answering asks and giving advice on things not related to Naruto specifically haha. Love your art! Can't wait for the chaptered manga you're making 💜

Hi! This took me a while as I was stressing over some things, sorry about that, and yes! Well, I live alone currently and am renting an apartment. It is not hard to adjust to for me personally because I used to live in a house that was empty since I was… well let's just say I’m used to it, but when I traveled and studied/worked abroad I did live with other people which I thought was more difficult to adjust to. All of a sudden there’s so much noise and drama aaahhh >< hehe. 

I hope my tips are helpful for you— long post, read when you have time and grab your notes! 」(￣▽￣」)

.📙⤵

Small note: this system may seem like a lot of work or tedious for majority of people, but setting it up like this is the only thing that works for me and aids my struggle to focus. This post focuses on studying, but I apply this to a lot of other areas as well. I’m still readjusting parts where I feel like it can improve— of course, you can change anything in any way you like! I tried to make it as clear as possible ^^! 

My documentation style: I personally use Notion (almost a year now) to track everything while documenting and organizing my notes. I love how you can create the most aesthetic pages and build your space anyway you like. It helps me structure my life so much better than the note-taking systems I used to have. I'm not kidding when I say it really changed everything for me. For studying, but also other area's, which is why I affiliated with them. There are paid subscriptions, but everything you need you can use for free!

I also have template recommendations if someone does happen to use Notion! (Let me know if you're looking for anything specific!) However, of course you can use whatever program you want to document things/your study. Whatever you use, even if you just write it down on paper, I do recommend keeping it all in the same place by creating a singular overview so you can track your progress more easily, but we’ll get to that later!

My roadmap to achieve (academic) goals:

Goal Setting 

I think the most important thing is to set effective goals that are clear. Proper planning is essential to reaching goals and achieving good grades imo, as well as breaking down your tasks into manageable chunks to avoid feeling overwhelmed. It’s learning how you work, what fits your productivity-style and finding ways to make it easier for yourself.

So take a moment to think what exactly you want to achieve!

You can use the SMART-method (setting Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals), to give yourself clear targets to work towards and there are many articles on it if you want to know more about it (you can also look for helpful templates, there are many free ones you can find!), but I combined this with "The 12 Week Year”-method by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington. 

(Although I would recommend this book, there’s quite a bit of fluff which will probably make it difficult to get through for people that are neurodivergent. If you’re interested you can also find summaries on Youtube in order to only gain the information you need if you want to use it to achieve goals, but I’ll break it down here as well. Summaries are incredibly helpful, but I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure how to feel about them yet.) 

The 12 week year describes lag and leading indicators in the context of goal achievement. I use these indicators specifically in order to make sure I can Measure my goals. 

I’ll explain with examples:

Regarding your previous ask, let’s take a goal like “getting high grades”. This doesn’t say much yet. 

There are probably several subjects you want a high grade for, so let’s break that down first. There are many smaller goals that exist in that. It’ll look something like this:

Overarching goal: Getting high grades

Individual goals:

Getting a high grade for subject A

Getting a high grade for subject B

Getting a high grade for subject C

Etc,—

Great start in getting clear what you need to achieve, but it’s still too vague, right? Let’s see these subjects as separate goals and break it down further with indicators:

Indicators: 

Lag indicators are the ultimate measures of success or results necessary to achieve your goals. They represent the outcomes. 

Leading indicators are the actions or behaviors that directly influence the achievement of lag indicators. They are individual tasks and the steps that you take to achieve the lag indicator.  

Note: Indicators must start with a verb (like: write, get, draw, finish, etc—) because it indicates directly what the action is you have to take.  Example: “Assignment” doesn’t tell you what to do. Transform it into “Finish assignment on [x] before 16th of May” or something like that. It depends on the goal. 

Now we get something like this:

(Overarching goal: Getting high grades) Individual goal: Getting a high grade for subject A

Lag indicators examples (what’s necessary to achieve the goal): 

Write Essay on [x] 

Finish assignment A

Setup project A

Start project A

Etc,— 

It’ll look different per subject and it may look different for you. Maybe you know exactly what you need to achieve per period or maybe they only let you know what needs to be done one assignment at a time, in which case you can focus on that alone and take it step by step.

It’s already nice to just write everything down and gain a clearer view of the things you need to complete. You’re not pressured to remember anything, because it's all here (I get stressed forgetting stuff). 

Now you have your overarching goal of wanting to get high grades and made a list of individual goals. We’ll consider these individual goals and focus on them because achieving those means your overarching goal will be achieved automatically. 

If you gathered the lag indicators for these individual goals, you’ll now know what (currently) is necessary to get a high grade for subject A and we can start breaking those down into leading indicators.  

It’ll look like this: 

(Overarching goal: Getting high grades) (Individual goal: Getting a high grade for subject A) Lag indicator: Write Essay on [x] 

Leading indicator examples (steps you take to achieve the lag indicator):

Understand exactly what the topic or thesis statement is 

Research topic

Organize, etc—

Write everything you are going to do in order to ‘write the essay on [x]’ as leading indicators. 

Reminder: as the SMART-method suggests: make everything as specific as possible so you can measure exactly what it is you need to do.  Example: “Research topic” can still be too vague but you can clarify what you need to research for what topic, once you understand what it is exactly you need to do. 

Putting in a little bit of effort and time now by breaking down goals like this helps me save a lot of time later, because I have to make less decisions and I’ll exactly know what to do and how much. Tracking your progress makes it a lot easier if you know what you’re tracking and as I said before: decision fatigue is a real thing and emotionally taxing! Making all the decisions before you start working really can help! 

Tip: before starting on the leading indicators, check whether your goals and its lag indicators are SMART. Make sure all of them start with a verb!  Tip 2: if you have trouble deciding where to start, you can refer to the ‘Swiss Cheese’ method which is a productivity “hack” that can help you identify which of your tasks takes the priority. This doesn’t help me personally, because if I planned out what I need to do that day it doesn’t really matter for me which has the priority because I have to rely on many other things, therefore I can’t plan what I do first. I feel like mentioning it anyway, because it can be helpful when making mindmaps. 

So in short:

Determine your overarching goal. 

Write down individual goals necessary in order to achieve the overarching goal.

Write down the lag indicators you need to complete in order to achieve your individual goal.

Break down the lag indicators into manageable tasks (leading indicators) and be specific on the action you need to take. (Example: don’t just put ‘writing the essay’, but ‘write [x]-essay for 20 minutes’.)

Now we can start planning!

Planning

Let’s say you have a week to finish this essay, once you have every leading indicator, you can start planning out what you will do on which day.

Efficient planning helps reduce stress, because you don’t have to wonder if what you’ll do today is enough. We’ll get to ‘tracking’ goals later, but stay open to readjust when necessary though! It is okay to re-plan because there’s always the possibility of something coming in between or you not feeling well! 

As I said before, I use Notion to document everything and I have a separate page for the overarching goals which include my lag indicators, but in my overview I created a table that shows all the tasks (leading indicators) that I need to finish per (current) week. It sort of looks like this: 

I automated it, so when I check off something the amount of times I need to do it (under frequency) that week, it disappears from my overview and I can quickly see my weekly (and overall) progress in percentages, but of course you can do this any way you like or just write it down somewhere. I think this way is great because I need less focus to see whether something's already done or not.

I know that sounds funny for people who don't have trouble with this, but genuinely anything I can do to make it easier for myself is helpful ><

We still need to keep deadlines in mind. I personally like to know what I need to do on which day within the week as well or I’ll end up having to do everything during the weekend. So, I divide these weekly tasks and assign a day to them on a simple weekly notepad I keep on my desk. It looks something like this: 

These days aren’t set, as I mentioned: it’s also important to allow life to happen and still stay on track somewhat :’)

When I finish something I color it!

So in short:

Once you gained insight on your leading indicators, you can start planning. This will look different for every subject, but the method stays the same. 

Create a weekly planning/overview somewhere depending on your deadline. And if necessary, divide the weekly tasks for specific days if you want on a separate planner.

Review your week on Sundays (or whichever day you like!) to see whether you’re still on track and readjust your planning for the upcoming week(s) when necessary.  

Combine Studying with your personal life

The reason why I use a written, separate, weekly overview is because I combine areas of my life on here.

Aside from dividing tasks for my study (the leading indicators) for specific dates, I add appointments that I may have (which I keep in my calendar app), projects, administration/financial-tasks or random things I need to do at home or for myself/others.

I know a lot of people that create to-do lists have trouble with it. If that’s you (me too), then we’ll take it a step further and plan our tomorrow every day.

I use simple note-paper and sort of write things down in order for that day, because it’s easy and quick to grab and scribble on. This really helps to focus on what matters right now. It looks like this:

This is sort of like compounding habits, but with tasks. Some things are much easier to do after one thing than another. A regular to-do list may not work because it doesn’t take into account the rest of your day like appointments or a personal routine you want to work on. It’s hard to gain clarity when all you see is a bunch of intertwined, random tasks— so here you’d organize them bit and add whatever is relevant. Like a little mini-planning for the day. 

On here I also write small silly stuff I have to do that day or keep notes I have to put somewhere else so I won’t forget. (Like appointments I suddenly get, or e-mails I have to reply to, something I want to check later, etc—) 

Tip: Let’s say after a while you still have trouble with this daily mini-planner, you can also just write down (3 or so) your most important tasks for the day and “eat the frog”. You focus on that first while ‘hiding’ all the ones that may not be as relevant immediately. (I’d still keep the other mini-planner though or transform your other tasks into “bonus-tasks”.) 

So in short:

Keep appointments in mind or days when you’ll be busy/outside when planning study tasks on specific days. Add the most important or time-consuming tasks first so you gain a clearer view how much time you have for the weekly study tasks.

Use this weekly planner to divide tasks throughout the week and then make a mini-planner for your specific day on a separate paper/document to organize the day.  

Keeping track

As I said during the planning-step, you can use Sundays (or other days) to quickly review your week and adjust the next if necessary.

A lot within my system is automated, but even if you’ve written it all down, it shouldn’t take too much time (maybe 10 mins, probably less), because you’ve done most of the planning already. You can easily see what and where it needs adjusting.

Be prepared to adjust a lot in the beginning though if you’ve never done this! Eventually it gets easier and you gain better insight how long you work on something or what is realistic for you to do in a day, which is totally fine!!

Tip: If you are more interested in self-development, you can also apply a review-session monthly, quarterly or per project to gain insight on yourself and where you’d like to improve. I personally do this quarterly, but let’s keep focussing on the study~! Tip 2: If you aren’t sure how to create an overview, there are also many, free SMART-method templates you can use. If you’re usually more a visual person, I’d recommend creating visual boards or just add images to make it more appealing. It may seem like it doesn’t do anything, but especially in this current world of distraction, images do help you connect information much easier and can influence how you feel even subconsciously. I do highly recommend doing so. (I personally use a theme per quarter/season >< it’s so extra lmao it’s a good thing I live alone let’s be honest because I'm embarrassing.) 

Studying & taking notes

Well this is a broad subject but I’d recommend sort of observing yourself for a while to really understand more specifically what it is you struggle with. (If you are.) 

Here are some examples for ways you can use notes. I used the ‘Second Brain’ method for a while as well, but I’m most comfortable with the Cornell method. I set it up like this: 

But the most important part here, is this: 

I can clearly see the subjects and the necessary information. (I usually hide them under some toggle text to keep things organized and not muddy up my overview.)

Study cards don’t really work for me, because I need to connect information together, but it’s worth looking into! It might be helpful for you. 

Tip: If you have trouble focussing because you get bored easily which makes you tired so you seek a quick dopamine rush even if that means you start cleaning your entire environment and you procrastinate, etc—… trust me you’re not alone. I do recommend researching whether a ‘dopamine detox’ will be helpful for you (which is not easy, I’ll tell you that). However, this may not work for everyone because sometimes there’s even more at play. That’s why a combination of strategies to make the actual act of studying as easy and clear as possible, is so important.  Tip 2: Always allow yourself to experiment with your routines and keep your health in mind, but if you continue to struggle, please do seek support. Tip 3: If you’re like me and you had to watch/listen to a lot of material, find transcripts or use subtitles! If you have to write an essay on a movie, it’s much easier to get back to information when it’s written down. (And it saves you so much time...) For many movies you can find subtitle files and you can convert them online to remove timestamps if necessary.  Tip 4: Ah, and for my fellow neurodivergent people… if noise annoys you and music doesn’t really help anymore, not even when it’s just instrumentals… see if ambient video’s that have slight random background noises (like a library for example) are helpful for you. For me personally, it’s such a game-changer holy sh- 

Fear of Failure 

Not sure if I can give you some advice on this, because I struggle with this as well. It gets a bit better though when I use this system because it lays down the groundwork for you and with that clarity it gets easier to focus on the task itself. Unless you plan it all out and then end up not doing what you set out to do, and you don’t readjust your planning weekly— it’s sort of hard to fail the action-taking-part. 

If it gets really bad and you end up avoiding your tasks entirely, because you get reluctant to take the risk of failing at something, sit down with yourself for a moment and think whether you may’ve set extremely high standards for yourself. See if you can allow a bit more room in your schedule. Refer back to the Goal Setting methods.

Tip: If you’re interested in making it a habit to study, I’d recommend you read ‘atomic habits’ by James Clear, or find a video that breaks the method down for you if that’s easier.

Know that whatever it is you want to improve in, there are ways to do it. If you feel like you get stuck on an area of your life, most of the time focussing on it with frustration will make it worse. Keep your ears and mind open for solutions while taking a break. 

I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere, any school or anything where they teach you how to actually study in the first place. They should tbh. I think it’s ridiculous they don’t, especially because we get more and more distracted and everything is literally designed to grab your attention and hold it for as long as possible until the next thing comes by. And I’m not sure if that’s helpful to know, but I do believe that realizing that studying in general isn’t easy and schools making it seem like it is by treating it like it’s nothing “you just have to do it” while not teaching you how to do it effectively... is bullshit.

Lastly, it’s all trial and error so please don’t beat yourself up over any of this. If you’re a perfectionist, please don’t feel like you need to set up a system perfectly before starting, because it’s an ongoing thing and not set in stone. It’ll only make you end up procrastinating for the sake of perfecting a system, which may make you feel like you're being productive but you don't actually get anything done and it's not what we want. That’s why it’s so important to be okay with readjusting when necessary! 

Hope there is something in all of this that can help you! Good luck 🌷^^~!

_______

Oh and thank you!! I also can’t wait to release the Manga. I practiced fic writing first and created a Cyberpunk-story, but I’m still a bit hesitant to share it >< (Perfectionism does make me slow as well, but I’m working on improving it 😌)

[deconstructed-paradise]

Why are you back here. Aren’t you an anesthesiologist?

I get paid double to deal with you, and there’s a skirt I’ve had my eye on for a while.

A skirt? Seriously?

It has pockets. Look, I’m not trained for… whatever you have going on, but they decided that I’m good for your mental health.

Tch. I don’t know why anyone would want to deal with me.

Is that why you’re not allowing visitors?

…I had a fight with my daughter. It’s probably best if it’s the last fight.

You’ve had fights with her before, though?

She brought her girlfriend this time.

Not a fan of that?

No! I— stop giving me that look, I’m not homophobic, her taste in girls is awful. I’ve told her not to let that girl in, and she just— ignored me.

So, that was a deal breaker for you?

…I know. I don’t deserve to set rules, my kids are growing up, whatever. I just don’t have much left to me. I thought, if I set rules and everyone could follow them, we’d be okay. She can come visit me on my good days, and if I get… snippy, with her, she can leave. But now everything’s out of balance. And I know, I know I should be better at this, I should stop being so controlling, but I can’t do it. I tried to make her leave, so that— she’s dating the bitch who gave me a black eye. That girl said to my face that she thinks I’m hopeless. Why should I feel safe around her?

You can’t just say, hey, please don’t allow this weirdly threatening child into my hospital room while I’m vulnerable? Between you and me, ma’am, that’s half of your face that’s bruised. And weirdly threatening kids aren't a joke.

I tried! She— they managed to get through the barricade anyways.

Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to make a barricade again. That’s a fire hazard, and a safety hazard.

I don’t have a lock on my door. I don’t have any control over who comes, and who goes. If I have to crawl on my hands and knees to shove furniture around—

Okay, okay, so this is a security hazard that makes you feel unsafe. And if you had control over who entered, if you could turn away visitors at the door, you wouldn’t do this kind of risky behavior?

Wh— I mean, no, I wouldn’t. But why would I ask for that, I’ve caused everyone enough trouble already.

You are the patient. Your job is to cause trouble. My job is to sit here and take it, until I can go home and be a hedonist.

Sounds like a shitty job.

Someone’s gotta do it. I take pride in my work, and that pays for a damn good life off the clock.

Well, I’m sure you’d rather be doing your actual job than talking to me.

My actual job entails being fingers deep in someone’s intestines because there’s a clamp shortage, actually. And there’s a chair in your room, with back support. So I’m okay with this, actually. I’m probably not good at it— there’s a reason I’m not in psych—

What do you. Think of me? Be honest.

Your ankles are consistent with someone who’s worn heels far more than is healthy, and your bone density is something you should be working on. I don’t care about anti-aging skincare, you need better bones to prepare you for the future. Two kids did a number on you.

I meant my personality.

Well, I think you’re insecure if you’re asking me. 

Tch.

Hey, I told you I wasn’t good at this.

I get it. You don’t want to be near me because I’m a hateful little cunt.

Are you kidding— you’re not kidding. That's even worse. Gods, do you know the horrid things I’ve had patients try to fling at me? Do you know the unspeakable fluids I have had to wash off my scrubs? You’re mildly bitchy at worst. I was reluctant to come here because like I said, I take pride in my work. When you were in your coma, I was the one who monitored your vitals, your brainwaves, your oxygen intake. I was good at that. Right now… I’m floundering. 

You don’t seem like it.

I’m very good at pretending when I’m on the clock. I’m serious about the bone density, though. Aging gracefully isn’t about looking young forever, it’s about preparing your body for the future.

What if I don’t think I have a future?

Then maybe you need to stop lying on your psych evals.

Oh, fuck off.

Is that it? You’re lying and pushing people away because you don’t have a lot of power right here and now, so you have to defend yourself any way you can.

You said you were no good at psychology!

I’m not. I had a shitty ex who did that, actually.

Great. I get to be the substitute for someone’s toxic ex.

You know. We’ve been getting some data for your brain scans, and it’s pretty damn close to bipolar depression. We need a little more time, but if you can get some progress, eat consistently, we’re going to see if we can’t get a psychiatrist in to put you on something for it. Mood stabilizers, maybe antidepressants. But we can’t do that if you’re so inconsistent about recovery. 

I know a bribe when I see one. Look. If it gets me back to normal, if I can… think clearly. Then fine.

We’re thinking of treating it in the same way as we would fibromyalgia. Since it’s a neurological issue that’s causing joint pain, after all. There are a couple antidepressants that are used for this, we just need to get you cleared for treatment while we wait for genetic testing to come back and tell us what the safest drugs are to try. 

And if they're not safe, if I don't cooperate, I expect I won't have a choice in the matter. I'd probably just get drugged and tied to the bed so I can't hurt myself.

We wouldn’t do that. It makes us look terrible and gets us in trouble with human rights organizations.

Seriously? That's your reasoning?

Would you believe me if I said I found it morally reprehensible?

No, no, carry on.

You're still a person. With human rights. Look, if there is a single thing I can do for you to make you more comfortable, what would it be?

I don't deserve that.

Ma'am, we are trying to work with you so that you don't do things like crawl around shoving furniture against the door. What happened to you was shitty. You were physically weak, and someone violated a boundary you'd set despite your best efforts to maintain it. And that sucks. So, I put in an application to have someone guarding your door. So please, just work with us.

...I was hoping to watch a show that isn't on the hospital network. You don't have streaming, do you? Or a DVD?

[aphrodeiities]

ꜰᴇᴇᴅʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ꜱɪx

Dear Pluto

I just want to say thank you so much for my reading. It is greatly appreciated, I absolutely love your work and what you do and honestly I don’t think there is no one I’d trust to read my chart other than you, you have been honest and have been kind and you’re amazing at what you do. This feedback may be a bit personal so if you do end up posting it, I would prefer if my name be blocked please. Though let’s get started…

The way the chart flowed and was able to accurately adjust the way the next month of my life are going to go, was amazing I felt as though getting the degrees gives me a better insight of how the represent something very different in each house/planet. I am over here assuming that things are going to be silly because of the amount of Gemini degrees in my SRC. Though, the way you describe it and your perspective to certain things makes me think about through a whole different point of view and it actually makes me more curious as to what to expect during my SR. The beginning of the solar return you mentioned my 4° and my brother is getting engaged by the end of the year which I found very insane like wow lol.

Another point I love I don’t know if you’re consistently doing this with all your future chart readings/ customers but shuffling the music I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVE IT! Like I don’t think you understand listening to the song while reading the paragraphs makes it so much better and I love love love the pictures you put with the paragraphs of each paragraph you are doing as you’re describing what is going on in that house or the planet Associated with it, and I find it quite fascinating how you are able to mix the aesthetics with something as specific and narrow as astrology is, because it does have to be data you make it fun to read and I think it’s amazing. 

Anyways back to the feedback, you know I’m a little bit scared of you now because a good chunk of the stuff you have said has been on POINT and I can’t believe it like I’m terrified because everything you said about my style, confidence, and even family I was shocked of it all. The fact that you are able to take something in when reading a chart and are able to analyze it within what should happen is incredibly talented and I loved every single bit reading this chart and I am so excited for what the next couple months should present me. This gives me a bit of excitement and clarity.

paid chart reading ⟶ solar return chart reading + degrees

[femmefighter]

For the star wars fave/least fave thing!

1, 3, 8, and 19?

Ohhhhh, so many questions. I’m excited to get my teef into these!

Favourite/Least Favourite Movie

Someone else beat you to this punch, so just the short answers.

Favourite: Rogue One

Least Favourite: Solo

3. Favourite/Least Favourite TV show episodes.

Omg, I’m not sticking to just one!! I kinda need to break this all down to the different series. Sorry Andor, you get enough love from everyone else that I'm gonna skip over you. And sorry Book of Boba Fett, I haven't invested enough energy to know you better yet to have strong opinions.

The Mandalorian.

Favourites: Yes I’m giving myself two answers here. Firstly, the Foundling. I love seeing how Bo-Katan goes about fitting in with the Children of the Watch, working out how to live their lifestyle, but then also still showing off her natural leadership qualities and her tenacity. Also, we get the shoulder touch. So fucking gay. Inject that straight (queerly) into my veins.

The second fave is The Jedi. I hadn’t watched any of the animation series before Mando S2, and when she came onto my screen, I sat up and paid attention. Ahsoka Tano, my blorbo beloved. I needed to know everything about her after watching that episode. Cue brainrot.

Least Favourite: Probably the Passenger. Felt like another filler episode. The typical “you only get to progress in the storyline if you fulfil this side quest” was growing old on me by this stage. Plus, giant spiders on an ice planet. Ick. No thanks. And Grogu eating the Frog Lady’s babies, UUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Ahsoka series.

Favourite: Time to Fly. It gave me tension-filled Sokabine. It gave me Jacen Syndulla. It gave me Ahsoka doing unhinged stuff like going outside her ship in space to fight off attackers. It gave me Sabine’s gay-panic face. It gave me purrgil. It gave me Huyang being an honest arsehole. It gave me Sabine losing a fight to a cup. I’m more than willing to overlook the completely stupid storyline writing for Hera’s subplot for everything else that episode did give me.

Least favourite: Far, Far Away. Not enough Ahsoka in this episode. And no Hera. So that instantly makes me sad. Also Sabine is written so poorly in this (no shade at Natasha for it, she did well for the poor hand she was dealt). Sabine’s smart, and yet all episode she’s just being all “where’s Ezra?” Smart Sabine wouldn't be standing at her prison door, banging on it and yelling about some deal that can't be fulfilled yet anyway because they aren't even on the fkn planet yet. Smart Sabine would be taking in her situation so much better. She'd be finding air vents to sneak into, so that even if she couldn't escape through them, she'd know the layout of the ship for whenever the New Republic might come up to fight against it. She’s be coming up with a plan to get Ezra and herself back home again once she’s let loose or makes a gaol break. She’d be stealing another TIE fighter with decent scanner equipment and faster travel, not being given a cowardly howler to search an entire planet that Ezra’s been hiding on for ten years on foot. They did her intelligence a massive disservice this episode. Also wasn’t a fan with how contemptuous they made Thrawn of Baylan and the Jedi in general. Chiss culture has a certain reverence for Force-wielders, and even though Kanan and Ezra were the enemies of Thrawn throughout Rebels, he always showed a level of respect towards them. Actually, Thrawn was pretty poorly written for the whole damn show. Bring Tim Zahn to the table to write the character properly, I beg you.

The Clone Wars

Favourite: The Phantom Apprentice. NGL, the last half of season seven of The Clone Wars was peak Star Wars. Fight me. But with this episode in particular, that fight sequence between Ahsoka and Maul, the dialogue leading up to it, the tension and shadow hanging over the entire episode? Perfection. It makes me believe Anakin’s fall so much more, in that Ahsoka’s absence from the events of The Revenge of the Sith speaks more to Anakin’s emotional isolation and manipulation to turn on the Jedi.

Least favourite: Can’t really say a particular episode. There were a number of filler ones that I just yawned through. There was one that focused on Anakin and Padme’s relationship, that was probably my least enjoyable. I get that their relationship was toxic/fucked up/doomed to fail, I don’t want to see more of it. Gives me the ick.

Rebels

Favourite: Twilight of the Apprentice. I get Maul back. Ahsoka is a badass. Kanan is a legend. I cry like a bitch at the end of it. But Ahsoka’s not actually dead either. Wins all round for me.

Also, Hera’s Heroes. Where we get a real introduction to Thrawn. I love his assessment of her. The respect, the admiration, that he has for his enemy. How he sees her as a worthy opponent.

“War, it's all you've ever know, isn't it? You were so young when you survived the Clone Wars, no wonder you're as equipped in spirit to fight as well as you do. War is in your blood. I studied the art of war, worked to perfect it, but you? You were forged by it.”

Gives me shivers. I really hope they do future Thrawn vs Hera justice in upcoming movies/shows, but I know I shouldn’t hold my breath…

Least favourite: Jedi Knight. It was an amazing episode. I don’t think I’ve watched any Star Wars (with perhaps the exception of Rogue One) that’s managed to pull such unexpected emotion out of me. And for that reason, I cannot bring myself to watch it again. I dunno. Maybe one day when I’m feeling emotionally robust. RIP Kanan. You deserved such a heroic death, but you also deserved to live. Fuck you, Governor Pryce.

8. Favourite/Least Favourite Concept

Favourite: That the Force is in everyone. (Yes, even you!) It frustrates me that fandom miss the point of there being a difference between Force-wielding and Force-sensitivity. Anyone can use the Force, but those who are selected to train as Jedi from a young age have a natural ability to wield it, because if you don’t have that natural ability, tapping into it and wielding it is hard. Even those with natural aptitude for the Force find it hard! Ezra Bridger? Force sensitive. Had the abilities from a young age, and just required mentorship/guidance on how to best connect with and use them. Sabine Wren? She has the Force sensitivity of a sandwich. She is not Force-sensitive. Which is why Kanan didn’t ‘pick up on Sabine’s Force sensitivity’, because she didn’t have any! She was just a stubborn woman who decided she wanted to try the seemingly impossible and found a master who was unhinged enough as her to try it too. I think a lot more people could use the lesson from her story, about persistence, patience and hard work paying off. Anywho, end rant there.

Least favourite. That ‘falling to the dark side’ is somehow freeing/a good thing/something to strive for. I hate how they made Osha Aniseya seem like she’d achieved some kind of ‘enlightenment’ from having just killed her father figure, abandoning her sister to have her memory wiped, and teaming up with some attractive stranger who had just murdered a bunch of her friends. It wasn’t enlightenment. It was manipulation. STFU.

19. Favourite/Least Favourite Outfit

Favourite: Live-action Ahsoka’s outfits. Yes, even that poncho that hides her gorgeous deltoids from view. It looks so damn cosy. I love that those outfits give those tiny, tantalising hints of skin whilst still being modest and practical. They’re minimalistic in a way a Fulcrum operative would be, but with some random personal touches that we don’t fully understand yet (Like those beads at her belt. Are they meant to be her old padawan braid? Or Sabine’s padawan braid? Are they just rhythm beads? It’s anyone’s guess at this stage!) But mostly, she just looks comfortable. And since owning both the Adidas wrestling shoes from her white outfit and the Tabi shoes from her dark one, I can attest that they are so damn comfortable whilst also feeling like I could run over any terrain or kick some bad guys’ butts. I’m totally here for it.

Also, Mother Aniseya’s outfit. There’s just so much damn detail to that garb. The fabric. The layers. I love it. Also looks like it would be a cosplayer’s nightmare.

Least favourite: This is probably going to get me cancelled, but I must speak my truth. Leia’s first outfit, the white robe. The "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi" one. It looks like a bedsheet. There. I said it. I don’t mind the whole idea of a plain white dress that covers her up, I just hate whatever fabric they used. How it hangs. Just screams worn-out bedsheet. And fuck trying to keep that thing clean.

Also, the padawan boob-tube. ‘Soka, babes. Just no. This isn’t Friday night discoteca. This is the military. Put your teenage midriff away and go find yourself something with pockets. You’ll need them.

[unforeseen-idiot]

Emperor Pickletein Rides the Bus

Oh boy, the grand finale of a grand series. To be honest Princess Labelmaker is more of a climax to the series than this book is, but that’s ok. I like to think of this book as a great epilogue, just helping our favorite characters get to their happy endings and giving us some fun stories along the way. This book is interesting since it’s a story being told in semi-real time. At least the case file follows one singular day and some of its entries happen in real time. This is just a cool idea and helps keep things fresh. Anyway though this book also focuses on our main 7th graders even though Remi and Murky get little chapters of their own (some more fulfilling than others *sob). Dwight and Kellen are fun in this book since they basically just vibe the whole time, absolutely no drama whatsoever (I mean Kellen did the paper airplane thing and got mad at Lance, but Dwight was perfect). Some fun stories include Sara’s first chapter with her field trip haikus (I’m not really surprised that Sara writes haikus), the tragedy of Mrs. Porterfield and the TURTLE, Sara again, getting Rhondella to stop texting her Bib Fortuna boyfriend, and made you look because it’s just so accurate to middle school. I liked the use of Fruit-i-gami Yoda since it kinda helped show that our main cast doesn’t really need Origami Yoda anymore and neither does Dwight, he was there for a few final bits of advice to finish the character arcs but he wasn’t as common. This serves to my theory that as the story of the books go on the kids need Origami Yoda less and less (when the series starts every chapter is dedicated to a kid asking for advice but now Origami Yoda is hardly even present) and Dwight, who I think used him as a way to relate to his classmates that couldn’t understand him, is now ready to let go of him since he has a support system now and people who have grown to appreciate and understand him. It’s honestly a great character arc that I definitely couldn’t pick up on as a kid. And with that we have Harvey who carries around Pickletein, an annoying jag who just serves piss everyone off. I remember starting this book thinking why is Harvey doing this, he’s on our side now. But then I actually thought to answer my question, why is Harvey doing this, and I realized (like Tommy does later) that Harvey has similar mental processes to Dwight but handles them differently. He has a lot of passion and emotion, but it goes unnoticed since like Dwight, people don’t really understand Harvey. I think that Harvey sees Dwight adjusting to life, but Harvey still hasn’t and can’t understand why, if Dwight can do it why can’t he. So he makes Pickletein so he can have some way of relating to the world on this field trip. But when he keeps pissing people off on this field trip they all get rightfully mad at him and it’s all building in him, finally when Tommy gets kissed by Sara he just can’t take it anymore and punches him, and he immediately regrets it because he’s not a bad person, just emotional and confused, and when Tommy forgives him that’s the understanding he needs to finally find peace in himself and gain the same support system that Dwight has. Ok I realize I may be reading to much into that and I don’t have any basis for this knowledge, but it’s how I see it and I think it’s a great character arc for the both of them. Back to the fluffier stuff, the astronaut ice cream thing was hilarious throughout its time, and the fact that it paid off so well kills me every time. Amy and Lanlan have the funniest and realest time ever in this book, honestly Amy is so real in this book. The great respect given to the Bell X-1. Freaking Mr. Good Clean Fun. The ending showing how everyone has grown into better people thanks to Dwight and Origami Yoda (and that Dwight really hasn’t changed, rather the people around him changed for the better), and that Origami Yoda is in fact real I believe it. In conclusion, thank you Tom Angleberger for creating an amazing series and ending it properly.

[mattcolewilson]

I recently posted this image and the below text on Dribbble. However, the post was removed for “violating Community Standards.” (I assume that “venting frustrations” was the specific issue.) I’m re-posting it here, for posterity. I probably could have written this differently, but I wanted to be candid and express how I (and many others) feel about the platform. I loved Dribbble and I’m bummed by the direction that it’s heading. 

Over the last few years, Dribbble has been continuously getting worse. But this latest update is a bridge too far. I’m packing up and leaving until I see a change in direction. (And yes, I know, it's very cool to make a big announcement when you're leaving a social media platform. But I've seen others write similar things and I wanted to add my voice to the choir. Maybe, hopefully, Dribbble will take notice that it has upset a portion of the user base.)

This sucks, because Dribbble was once my favorite website. I’ve been here around 8 years, have checked the site almost every day, and have paid for Pro for more than half of those years. It was once a very fun place to share and see cool graphic design work. “Show and tell for designers,” as they used to say. A simple and pure concept.

But that unique idea has been replaced by something much more mundane: a way for businesses to find and hire graphic design talent. And sure, I’ve found great clients through Dribbble and I’m thankful for that. But let’s be honest here: the biggest motivating factor is that this focus makes the Dribbble owners much more money.

And I get it. They are a business. This is capitalism. It’s all about the bottom line, etc. But sacrificing an amazing concept and a vibrant community of graphic designers to the almighty dollar just sucks to see. Each step in this direction has made it more clear that this is not a place for graphic design community. It’s a place to market yourself. It’s a place to sell your services. Just like Behance and Upwork and countless other sites.

It’s wild to sign up for a platform that promises to be a place “for designers” and then years later, the first item on the nav menu is “Find talent.” That primary navigation item, the number one link, is not for designers. It’s for businesses. Designers are no longer the primary user.

In addition, the methods of normal engagement with the platform are being consumed by advertisements to pay for the privilege of being on this site. I can’t check my notifications anymore without interacting with an ad for Pro that takes up 2/3rds of the screen. Hell, I was just trying to open a post in my mobile browser and was instead redirected to an ad for Pro. I couldn’t even get to the post I wanted to see.

I can’t imagine giving money to this company after being treated like this as a user. Plus, I’m the “talent” they are wanting the new, primary user to “find.” Not only am I the product being sold, but you also want me to pay for the privilege. Fuckin’ wow.

And it’s not even a good deal for the other side, either. It costs $499 per month to use the Dribbble Hiring platform. Jesus Christ! Can you imagine? There are lots of other more cost effective (and free) ways to find designers. And it’s not like everyone on Dribbble is an amazing designer anyway. This isn’t some holy grail where only the best graphic designers can be found. (This is also self deprecating. I’ve posted a lot of very bad design work here.)

So anyway, that’s all. I’m out. I’ll likely still login every now and then to monitor progress. But I’m not going to participate until things get better. I’ll still be posting my graphic design work elsewhere if you want to follow along. (On my own website, Cohost, Tumblr, etc.)

Thanks for reading. Peace & love.

[decent0distraction]

This isn’t important and I don’t care that much, but also

I saw this post where someone was like “Bella Swan’s backstory, who cares??”

And listen. I know that the Cullens all have some fucked up backstories.

But Bella’s “backstory” is severely written off and I blame the movies, honestly. The books go into at least some detail that the movies never even touch on.

First of all, the only reason that Bella was willing to leave Phoenix, other than to give her mom and stepdad the freedom to have their honeymoon, road-trip thing, was because she knew Phil would make sure the electric bill was paid and basic living necessities would still be stocked properly without Bella around to do it.

Her mom is described as eccentric, but not present, so to speak. And why would she be when her daughter is more of a parent than she is?

And when she goes to live with Charlie, he isn’t much better. There’s very little food in his kitchen, he doesn’t cook, and he doesn’t even try to connect with her other than a few moments here and there. That could partially be due to bad writing bc if I’m being totally honest, Myer isn’t a good author.

In the car crash in the school parking lot scene, she writes in Bella’s narrative that our girl is annoyed/upset that she has to ride in the back. Yk, like when you go in an ambulance?? while Edward is allowed to sit up front.

First of all, I remember the way that was written making me so mad. Like I was a kid and I had to put the book down. Bc it was just so…idk, it was bad. Okay? Look it up and see for yourself.

Second of all, I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to sit on one of those bench things the paramedic sits on for the ride to the hospital. I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to sit in the passengers seat next the paramedic who is driving.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Bella’s “backstory” is that she was neglected by her parents, had to grow up way too fast, and she doesn’t even have basic opinions and preferences??

She doesn’t have a favorite color. Her mom likes…green? I think it was green. Anyway, let’s just say it’s green. It could be hot pink for all Bella cares. Bc she always just went based off of what her mom liked. She’s not confident in what is described as genuine beauty and good looks bc she considers herself as much as she’s been considered her whole life. I’m pretty sure there’s a part in one of the books where she believes her birth, her existence, ruined her parents marriage.

I remember theres a couple parts that suggest Bella is suicidal, but I might be getting it mixed up with another character.

The only thing the movies almost got right was that Edward is causally suicidal. He was ready to give up before meeting Bella. New Moon gets into that a little bit, but they went too heavy with the whole Romeo and Juliet thing, which is such a cliche and I hate it.

[dead-loch]

I’ve just had my first decent night of sleep in 2 weeks and for some reason I have woken wanting to cuddle anyone here or anywhere who is considered uneducated (and note I said uneducated NOT willingly ignorant).

I used to hide this from everyone except those who already knew but I never graduated high school. I didn’t drop out, actually, although at this point, for my own mental health, dropping out may have been the better choice.

I grew up with a mother who forced me to attend an extremely strict & conservative catholic school, no matter how much I begged her to let me attend the arts school in our city. (My mom would later wish she had let me change schools.)

Being queer and trans in the early aughts was hell. It’s honestly astonishing to see how much things have changed (and in some cases, in some ways, gotten worse but in others, gotten much better). I don’t think I had a single happy day in that school. Unfortunately the teachers and staff were abusive. It was never the other students (which is usually the problem in high school) but the adults who truly didn’t give a shit. But anyway. In my last year, I was depressed and literally unable to get out of bed for months. I failed one class (history) by 5 points. And thus, no high school diploma. I’m honestly amazed I was even able to attend exams.

What really kills me is that I remember that I loved learning before high school (and actually problems began for me in elementary but those were personal). I loved writing. I loved reading. I used to search universities for the one I wanted to attend and as a child I’d picked Oxford because it sounded fancy and it was far away.

Unfortunately, these hopes and dreams were literally and figuratively beat out of me.

What I’m trying to say here is that there’s a difference between lacking (formal) education and being willingly ignorant (that word is important, because it indicates a choice being made). Lacking formal education can make things incredibly difficult, and as a now 32 yr old, I can see the many ways that not having attended university especially can be detrimental. People learn to craft arguments and defend their points of view in structured ways that you probably won’t learn just being out in the world. I think that’s really valuable because often I can only describe my feelings (thankfully I value feeling and emotion but people often look down on that too).

With no high school diploma (and employers having no context), I’ve had to fight for a lot of what I’ve accomplished. While fighting tooth and nail every day working jobs I hated that didn’t even pay me enough to live, I began volunteering at an art gallery. From there, I was offered a paid position. From there, I began a career in arts administration that spans almost a decade and would culminate in communications & marketing management. It’s not an exaggeration when I say that every single other person I have ever worked with had at least one degree.

And then in 2021 I decided to try for something more. I left a full time salaried position which had given me financial stability for the first time in my life and pursued what was in my heart & soul, which was being an artist. I was accepted into a very small program (in fact the only program of its kind in Canada) and suddenly I was back at school, with all of that trauma I hadn’t fully processed.

It was hard. The last time I’d written any kind of essay was in high school, and to be honest I couldn’t remember anything about that time or anything I might have learned. I felt like an idiot in theory classes because the writings were heavily academic and not accessible (this is a whole issue and not just for me).

And guess what.. attending an arts program didn’t fix all of my problems. I missed out on a lot of what people learn throughout their 20s if they get a post-secondary education. I also still have a lot of rough parts when it comes to educators, because I still struggle trusting them, even though the ones I met at this school were amazing and supportive and a complete departure from the ones I had in high school. It really sucks that so much of who we are is shaped during a time where we have little to no control over our environments. But them’s the breaks.

I think what I’m trying to say here (and I honestly have no idea why I’ve just decided to be all introspective this morning— I literally woke up 34 minutes ago) is that high school does not need to define your life. That’s not to say that not receiving a formal education won’t make things difficult. I’m not advocating for one or the other, because there are a lot of reasons someone won’t do well in school. But next time you meet someone who didn’t graduate high school, I hope your immediate reaction won’t be to think that they’re stupid or ignorant. Some of us have just been through it. Others need different environments than the ones we currently have to be able to learn. Still others may have had to make a difficult choice. And even with a high school education, attending university is often something you need access to resources for, and some of us don’t have those resources or don’t want to spend time fighting to get them.

I will say that from the outside, the one really good thing about attending university seems to be that you learn to express yourself and your ideas in very clear ways. Also reading comprehension. I have a lot of trouble expressing myself and I’ll often just give up because the thoughts come out really jumbled and not fully what I was intending. I think that’s invaluable and i think they’re starting to do that in high school too (based on the current people I know who are still there or graduated recently) which is great.

But really the whole point of this is that it hurts me so much when people who don’t have a formal education think they’re stupid because of it and I just want to say, clearly, that you are not. I also want to say that a lot of university grads will (knowingly or not) use their education as a tool to make others— the seemingly uneducated— feel inferior. Instead of speaking in language that is accessible, they will use heavily academic language to make you feel like you have no idea what you’re saying and therefore nothing you say has any weight (instead of using it to, you know, help others understand something). Fuck these people. That’s all I have to say about that.

[woweewoweeo]

I really got excited for an opportunity to understand eachother and wake up the next day to I guess what I deserve

Welp love yah and see yah never I guess, I had just found us some shrooms and was so excited to ask you to come see ASADI with me in June and maybe trip before or after at hockings outside if you needed or wanted that but anyways, I’m sorry you felt the need to do this and I know I can’t say shit, I’ve said and done all kinds of awful things but that’s not what I want to carry into my death and I hope next life we can do better, I can do better for me and better for you. Sweet dreams always and stay safe Shelby, I’ll learn my patience and forgiveness and return it to those I’ve wronged.

 I love you but I’m not here for you anymore, you want to throw 555 metaphorical days away for no reason,  I’ll make it real for you. Goodbye. Hope you got the attention and response you craved. Won’t ever try to reach out to you like this again because you made it clear that’s what you need and want 👍🏼🫶🏻👋🏼 I blocked you on everything just like you’ve always done me, hope it helps whatever you got going on and makes you happy.

I told you not to talk to me because you said I deserve worse and that I didn’t get in enough “ trouble “. Shouldn’t have ever put myself back in your company. Lesson Learned. You were just bored and I was a way to stimulate yourself, find another way Shelby. I quit and I release you. That metaphorical connection of over 500 plus days was very important and you proved what it really meant to you. What I really have always meant to you, I’m just something you block, delete or ignore whenever you don’t want it to be around and it doesn’t fit your needs.

I hope one day you see people are here for more than validating your existence and giving you attention. Whatever, waste of my time and my energy but I don’t want to die not saying what I have to say which is you always accused me of such fucked sexual shit when at least I don’t get paid to fuck / be objectified and enjoyed the fuck out of it 🤣  You enjoy being an object for everyone’s consumption, I deserve something different. So do you.

Glad you said you didn’t want to be with me and that you just wanted to do what you wanted and showed who you really are, which also allowed me to see who I really am which is in serious horrible pain, needing to put myself in an environment where I’m properly heard and cared for and have a safe space to speak my emotions without them being manipulated back on to me because you lack basic emotional intelligence or understanding.

I hope you find deeper help as well and not just repeating loop of therapy you claim has helped you so much when you can’t even hold a conversation about in depth feelings and the layers/ complexity of those feeling and how they are affecting things.  I will find that depth with someone who appreciates and pushes me to be the best I can be. I’m so glad it wasn’t you, go “do what you want” Shelby.

Thanks for being the biggest learning lesson ever, never trust anyone. People lie when they aren’t honest with themselves, especially those who you expect to be close to you.   Can’t wait to start my life with beautiful souls who accept my faults and don’t hold them against me and refuse to let me grow and heal but actually hold and love and want to be with me wholeheartedly, not always looking for a reason I’m not deserving of love

I don’t think I ever did anything good enough for you. I was so excited to be good enough for someone who has actual faith in me and doesn’t crave to see me fail

something’s are bigger than your petty high school mindset you’re fighting with. I will fly. Dead or Alive.

[emnemz]

Your 2022 Summer Prediction Pick a Card Reading 🌻

Hello guys, it’s me again. So, this is the reading I was working on a few days ago when it suddenly, for no apparent reason, got deleted. Anyways, I was really frustrated but I really wanted to do this reading, and I am still a little mad because it won’t be the same, the messages will change a bit since I am going to channel new energy and I am a little grumpy about it because I really loved the energies and the details on the previous one, but God knows better than me and maybe that happened for a reason, so I should let go.

I decided that this reading will be done using my intuition only, so no cards, no physical divination method, just me and Spirit. This reading theme was requested by this beautiful tumblr @lil-tea-kitten whom I thank really much for this gorgeous idea!

|Note| The following content is a pick a card reading that provides general messages about a certain subject, some details of the pile you are going to be choosing might not fully resonate with you, which is fine because the golden rule in tarot readings like this is to take what feels accurate for you and leave what doesn’t feel like it. I hope you understand. On the other side, I also provide paid personal readings here on tumblr, so if you are interested in booking a personal reading with me on any subject pretty much (except for things involving health, de@th and other really sensitive controversial themes), here is my post about the paid readings info, all my readings cost 5 $ because I want to make them accessible for everyone.

Here’s my tip jar if you are feeling generous and want to support me<3

Now, if I captivated you enough, all you need to do is click on the ,,keep reading” button below and enjoy your reading! Hope you’ll have a good time reading your pile !

!pictures not mine, credit to their original owner, I only did the header edit!

How does it work? You just choose the picture above that resonates most with your soul and you scroll down to enjoy your summer predictions, good luck!

Pile 1

If you chose the first picture, pile number one, this is your reading. First thing that I am seeing is the color green, I’m seeing olives and the King. My loves, this summer you are going to be finding out what real peace means. You are slowly healing and figuring out your connections to other people. Some things from the past revolving around friends, acquaintances, relatives and honestly anyone you got in contact with and you felt some sort of disconnection, like their energy was off and it felt like they were rejecting you or disrespecting you in a way, those things are clearing out now. Summer will be your perfect time to just sit with yourself by a lake or somewhere out on some fresh grass, take a few deep breaths, disconnect from technology and really allow yourself to forgive the things you think are wrong with you. You think you are the reason those people didn’t like you, but no, they just weren’t the right ones for you, you need to make stronger boundaries and learn to say no. I am also seeing the color purple, so this is telling me you are actually quite intuitive yourself, you just didn’t yet learn how to use your clairs. But there is enough time, enough time for everything and there is no need to rush. This summer you will feel like time is freezing and it’s just you and the world. I want you to really take advantage of what you have and work through your weaknesses. The King in my vision represents you stepping up into your power and acknowledging it. Now it’s the time to start telling people what you really want and to show them how you really want and deserve to be treated. I am not seeing you are going to get arrogant or ignorant, but you will respect yourself more and people will do the same since you are going to be more confident and honest about how you feel. You really matter, I really felt like reminding you that. Next onto the reading, I am seeing a trio of some sort, it can be your friends, some people you know, or even you and your parents, but there is some sort of decision you are going to discuss with these people. Something related to family and yourself and probably finances too. I am also seeing a teacher-father figure coming into your life soon, temporary for some sort of advice or help. You are going to go through a little of a hard time in the early middle of the summer, you are going to question something really important to you and I think it's something really really personal, it’s something you rather keep secret, that you have been hiding for a while now. Ok, this is really interesting. My visions are getting weirder and weirder, but it’s for the better because this means more messages for you. I am seeing a dinosaur, that’s rare to be quite honest. It indicates some really really intense courage and bravery in a situation and it also shows you that you have protection on your side. You are protected by a fire angel, so I am taking a guess it can be Michael. So, things really added up for you and it got overwhelming at some point. This summer you are going to be untying the knots of your doubts, questions, intrusive thoughts and insecurities. You are finding out the root of the general problem and you are regenerating. And remember that whatever it takes, you can overcome this situation whatever it is and you are getting to the surface soon, and if

you ever feel lost, look inside and remember your spiritual team is there for you to assist you on your journey.

That’s really random and specific but for some of you I am seeing you are getting a new TV, for others it can be just any other device. Also, you were thinking of applying to a certain college or some sort of classes to qualify for something, like a dream job, or it’s just a small passion of yours. You are doubtful about it, but you should at least give it a chance. Gaining a little more experience will always help, plus you will be meeting new people that might relate to the situation you’ve been going through lately. You are going to take care of a parent or cousin or pet, there is some sort of service you are going to serve and help someone in need, someone really weak. Pay attention to your dreams, they will reveal some really deep answers to you. By the end of the summer either someone will really leave and you will be sad about it, or you are going to feel alone like someone is leaving you or taking you for granted, but honestly that person is constantly thinking about you, worrying about you and wishing you well, just so you know people really do care about you. I sense here that you feel alone and isolated. I’m sorry this is

tough. I can really feel the energy here. You just need to look forward and take care of your own life before welcoming someone else in it. You are really valuable you don’t even know, and you don’t because you look at your past small fails and you get really discouraged, I feel you so much on this, but trust me it brings you no good. Your future is bright, you can always start fresh and there is always people to count on when you need help, there is no shame in letting someone guide you a little bit and you don’t have to feel useless or incapable because of that, because there will come a time in the near future when the same people will need you, they will call you and ask for your help specifically.

You need to really realize who you actually are and what you are actually capable of because you are self sabotaging a lot because of your intrusive thoughts and discouragements. If you are not gonna do that, someone one day will do it for you. You tend to ask people for reassurance or advice but really deep down you really know the answers, they are just covered in fear, so give it a leap of faith and start trusting your own skills and qualities from now and you will observe how things start moving easily for you. 

Ok, that’s all I had for you pile number 1, I hope this resonated with you, you can check my masterlist for more pick a cards if you liked this one and I wish you a really nice, refreshing summer!

Pile 2 

Hello, my dear pile number 2 people, here is what the 2022 summer has for you! First thing I saw as I closed my eyes was some sort of big concert, a festival like an outside fest of some sort, somewhere with a lot of people, noise (the good kind haha), a lot of socializing, seeing new perspectives, enjoying tiny little things like candy or just catching up with people dear to you. I really see that this summer for you will be more about just relaxing, recharging, taking a long break from work, like even if you will be still working in summer, mentally you are going to be in a better place. You are going to reconnect with a lot of people from your past that wish you well and want the best for you. Some of you celebrate your birthday during summer or someone really special to you is. Maybe that is why I was seeing celebration for you for the upcoming months. There are many reasons for you to be happy now. You are slowly moving to an end to something that was causing you significant stress. You are finally seeing a brighter outcome. Your angels are blessing you with positivity and strength. I know you have been struggling with keeping everything up and not collapsing from drain and stress, and you did a really really good job keeping it all together and especially keeping yourself together. It hurts to know you are so hard on yourself, you truly are an achiever and that is great because you have a lot of talent and beauty within you, but go more gentle from now on, take things easier, slower. Give yourself some time. I see you are looking for ways to escape. That’s really good, you should allow yourself to have some fun and keep a balance between work and fun. I also see there are some people kind of depending on you, since you are a very responsible and hardworking person, people look up to you and see you as huge support in their lives. You are like a wise parent I would say. You know what’s good for everyone, you see through people, so you hardly get fooled. For the upcoming days and from now on it is really important you learn to put yourself first and be that parent you are to people, to yourself now. To take care of yourself like

nobody did before. I see a really really powerful future for you, a very  successful career and recognition. But you need to really spend time with yourself and know the inner you really well for this to happen. Shut down the noise of people around you for a bit and look within yourself. Spirit is really indicating here that you connect through music. Music can help you communicate with the Divine and receive answers to help you with your journey, it almost works like a prayer. You just need to let yourself be guided while listening to music and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Also, doing some sports will help you release tension and sleep better, just some small advice.

This summer you are going to be connecting with your true inner power and you will slowly transform into your best version. Your doors to success will show up from now on so open your eyes and soul to new experiences and opportunities. You need to start seeing the world in a less tense, more fun, bright way. Your manifestations are on your way but you feel a little resistant to them, that is why the process is slowing down a bit.

You need to learn to take things easier, especially if you are looking for a soulmate or meaningful connection, and that is because your person could come into your life randomly anytime now but you need to embrace and let go of the past in order to receive this blessing. Just close your eyes and let the Universe bless you with all it’s got. I keep hearing it’s easier than you think or see things as. So keep that in mind, you are worrying too much and you live too much in the future. Really embrace life as it is right now with goods and bads, it’s perfect as it is Right Now, just say this one time and close your eyes and breathe. I keep saying these things and maybe repeating myself but I really see this theme for you, which is you are hitting your peak in life now and summer will be your transition time, so by the time of autumn, you will be unrecognizable. This summer for you will be like a chance to shift yourself into a better, utopian world that you’ve been dreaming about since you were small.

So, yeah my pile number two people, your reading was intense and I really stayed on it the most for some reason it was really hard to channel for this one. I really really hope at least a few things from this reading resonated with you and I wish you a very very happy summer and a lot of pleasant experiences. And remember that you are a blessing to this world, your presence is ethereal.

Pile 3

Hi pile number 3 darlings, this is going to be your 2022 summer prediction reading. So the first thing that I am observing about the energy I am getting off from your reading is something really concrete and strong will happen this summer for you. Like there is going to be some sort of firm and important decision you are going to be making. You are starting to invest a lot into something. This most likely has to do with your future career, but if not it’s definitely something that will strongly impact you and your life from now on. Something is getting clarified and you will get more strength to move on and pursue your dreams. This can also be some family business. Nevertheless, it is something Big. For some of you this can be marriage, because I am sensing a long term contract. Whatever new you are going to be doing, it is going to be successful as I am seeing you are going to celebrate this along with your family and friends. I can also see some sort of crew, or work group. There are going to be some people that will want to help you with something or work for you. You are going to get the chance to work on your lifetime dream. I know you used to be really insecure and fearful in the past but from now on, I am seeing a lot of fire and earth about your aura and this is giving you extreme confidence and strength, like you really know what you are doing. You are not doubting anymore, you are not letting intrusive thoughts win again. And this time, with whatever you will be doing, I am reminding you, people will be on your side, with anything there is. I am really seeing you are getting help and support if you need it. So this thing you are gonna be starting in summer (I am seeing around July, like June will be more about planning and July will be about doing) you are really starting off from a very good place where you are being supported and highly encouraged. I am having this vision of you in my head where you are literally standing tall, and stepping on demons, you are really confronting your fears now and you are unstoppable. Nothing intimidates you anymore. The energy I am getting is so so intense. Your first chakra it’s at its best, like it’s highly activated. You should really be proud of yourself right now because you achieved so much so far and you will be achieving even more in the very close future. Even if you can’t see it coming right now. When the right time comes, you will understand. If you have been seeing lots of 2222 or 222 on the clock or randomly,

this is your sign divine timing is coming for you. Real success is coming. Honestly from now on, you just need to do what you feel and enjoy your blessings because this is all thanks to your efforts and work that you invested in for so long. 1919 on the clock as I wrote that. This is so so accurate, the angel number synchronicity because 1919 means being able to fulfill your deepest aspirations so that is exactly what I was talking about. It’s like Spirit was confirming to me. But really, this summer expect to work a lot and actually enjoy it, like there will be no time to sit on the couch and watch things or play games, you will constantly be preoccupied with fantastic ideas and ambitious desires. I am taking a wild guess and say this might be your most exciting summer that you ever had so far, and I don’t like to exaggerate things in readings especially general ones but I am really feeling that. 

People are going to start liking you like crazy, seriously you are going to have a lot of secret admirers and just a lot of people will wish to be you and will admire your work, strength and beauty. You are actually going to inspire some of them to start doing their own thing too so this is really awesome. You also get my full support with whatever you are planning to do! This summer you are going to be in the spotlight. You are going to meet the right people and have the right connections, things will come easier to you and everything will be done with less effort. You are really going to feel loved and appreciated and I am feeling this is a reward after a long time in which you felt like you were a failure, which you clearly wasn’t but life was tough and it was making you feel discouraged. So yeah, you guys, I am seeing a really passionate, hectic summer for you, in which you are going to gain a lot of experience and make a lot of memories and feel deeply understood and respected. You are going to develop your life time dream and start building on it and have supportive people around you. You are clearly winning this time. I am rooting for you, pile number 3 lovelies! 

Hope you resonated with my reading, I wish you the best in the world and I hope I will see you more on my page for other pick a cards, have an amazing day/night, special soul!

AAAAA… I finally done this reading! For some reason this reading got so so so delayed, like I worked on it on pieces and it was so so draining to do, the first time I did it was so effortless and smooth and I don’t know why it got deleted but I guess it was better this way, maybe there was something I needed to learn out of this. So, yeah I really hope you like this reading since I worked a lot on it and the channeling was insane. Thank you so so much for the love and support and feedback. I love you guys and I wish you all a great great summer and may all your wishes be granted really really soon. Blessings!

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[mypoisonedvine]

𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖈𝖊 I || professor!helmut zemo x reader

𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞 : history is so much more interesting when he’s teaching it.  you’d better be careful before the two of you end up with a history of your own.

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙 : 6k

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 : smut (incl. semi-public sex in an office and oral f receiving), significant age gap (reader is 20, zemo is 39; it isn’t actually mentioned though but it comes up in the next part), the slightest bit of angst?, nearly pwp at this point lol

                                    You wouldn’t know it by the way you were enraptured with his lecture, but you weren’t even a history major.  

Quite far from it, really, well outside of the college of liberal arts, and yet here you were in the front row, watching him gesture over a large map of Western Europe while he explained the sociocultural impacts of the Treaty of Versailles.

It was probably pretty obvious why you took such interest in all this, though.  After all, you were the only one who dressed as well as he did, your blazers and skirts and loafers standing out amongst a sea of hoodies and sweats and flip-flops; and, you were the only one who paid close attention and yet never seemed to be taking any notes…

Why would you, after all?  Looking away to write in your notebook would mean missing out on all the fun, and unfortunately you had found that when you copied down the words he spoke, his accent was not retained in writing.

Some kid in the back of the class had asked about his accent the first day; you thought it was kind of a rude question, if you were being honest, but he didn’t seem to mind too much (if perhaps a bit surprised that anyone cared).  He explained he was from a small country called Sokovia, but that his accent was a bit unique since he spoke Russian, German, Spanish, and Italian as well.

Because of course he did.  Like he was specifically designed to target all your weaknesses.

“Well, I could talk about that for the rest of the evening but I’ll spare you all and let you out a bit early today, how does that sound?” Professor Zemo offered.  The other students weakly cheered, a few claps here and there as you heard binders shutting and backpacks being zipped, but you were disappointed.  You didn’t want to go back to your dorm, all you were going to do there was think about him anyways.

Damn, I’ve really got it bad, you thought to yourself, shaking your head as you stood up and gathering your things, slinging your bag over your shoulder.  You glanced up at the podium where another student was chatting with Professor Zemo, and either he said something really funny or she was trying way too hard to flirt with him.  You rolled your eyes, irritated by the display and yet envious of her audacity to just go up there and talk to him.  Imagine having a crush and actually being able to look them in the eye and hold a conversation; you could barely do that with people you didn’t happen to find attractive.

Just as you were about to make it out the door, you heard your name and spun around.  You were shocked to realize it was the Professor trying to get your attention.  If only you’d thought to pretend you hadn’t heard him.

“Could I speak with you for a moment?” he requested, motioning you over with two curled fingers.  With a swallow and a nod, you stepped out of the flow of students exiting into the hallway and approached the desk at the front of the room.

“What is it?” you asked.

“I just wanted to discuss your most recent paper, if you have some time,” he explained, and your heart sunk.  Of course it was garbage, you’d written the whole thing last minute during a near-all-nighter.  “I still have the copy you turned in here in my bag.”

“Right, of course— sure,” you nodded.  By now the classroom was empty spare for the two of you, your words echoing slightly; presumably that was intentional, since these places were built for acoustics, but it made you worry you’d have to hear whatever criticism he had for you multiple times.

He pulled out the slightly-wrinkled paper and took his glasses off of his vest to wear (fuck, did he have to wear the glasses, just to personally attack you?) as he glanced over the top page before folding it over the staple.

“This essay,” he continued, “it’s—”

Ridiculous.  Idiotic.  A blight on humanity and a waste of printer ink.

“Fascinating,” he finished, surprising you.  “After I read it, I searched your student profile on my office computer—”

You gulped, trying not to take that as a compliment.

“I’m looking at your information and I’m seeing you aren’t even a history major— is this a mistake, when it says your major is computer science?”

“No, that’s my major,” you nodded.

“Well, that’s a shame,” he decided, “because you have some really interesting ideas in here, clearly you must have studied history before.”

“I mean, not really,” you shrugged.  “I didn’t even care that much about history until, you know, you...r class,” you finished quickly, realizing it sounded too odd otherwise.

And that smile, the way he looked down at the floor suddenly, was he blushing?  “Thank you.  I’m always… glad to inspire.”

If only you knew everything you’d inspired in me, Professor.

“If you didn’t care about history, what would motivate you to register for an honors history seminar?” he asked suddenly.  

“Well…” you trailed off, reaching up to scratch the back of your neck as you dodged his gaze.

“It couldn’t possibly be because I’m teaching it,” he realized.

“I came to your talk last year, the one you did about the Sokovian civil war,” you finally admitted, letting out a lungful of air as you said it and looking up at him sheepishly.

“Ah,” he nodded, “yes, that might make a bit more sense.  But we still haven’t found the real reason, have we?”  His eyebrow raised slightly and you felt like he was toying with you— but you liked it, the shiver that ran up your spine made that obvious.  “Because the question remains of what would possess a computer science student to take time out of her busy schedule on a Friday night— if I recall the night correctly— to listen to some stuffy visiting scholar talk about a bloody war in a country she may not have even heard of before.”

“My friend brought me,” you defended.

“Under what guise?” he pressed.

“She… may have mentioned something about… a cute professor with a sexy accent…” you stammered, cringing slightly as you spared a glance back up at him.  He was staring back at you with the most bewildering expression.  His eyes said ‘you thought I was cute?’, and yet his smile said ‘I knew it.’

“You must’ve been horribly disappointed when I took the stage,” he finally replied, voice a bit lower, softer, not echoing around the room anymore.  

“Not at all,” you returned, almost below your breath now, and suddenly you became very aware that you were standing too close to him, but you couldn’t move away, you couldn’t even look away anymore.  “I’m here, aren’t I?  Taking your class?”

“And you make it nearly impossible to focus, did you know that?  I swear your eyes never leave me, I can feel them on me.  It’s quite unfair, because I can’t stare back at you no matter how much I want to.”

Just as you looked down at his lips and back up to his eyes, which seemed to be following a similar pattern on your own face, just when you thought this might be it and you were about to do something you really shouldn’t (but really wanted to), you heard the door open behind you and you spun around so fast you nearly hurt your neck.

“Oh,” the man in the doorway mumbled, apparently surprised to see you enough to nearly drop the papers tucked under his arm.  “I’m teaching the next class in here— Honors History of Islam?”

“Professor Waters, yes, my apologies,” Zemo nodded, “we were just… our discussion ran a bit long, we’ll get out of your way.”

You and Zemo awkwardly gathered your things and made a dash for the door as the older professor took his place at the podium.  Once the two of you were out in the hall, you let out a sigh and gave each other a glance, like you were each waiting for the other to either acknowledge or ignore what had just (almost) happened.

“I have my next class across campus in a half hour,” he remembered suddenly, lifting his arm and pulling back the brown sleeve of his coat to look at his watch.  

“Right, you should… get to that,” you nodded.

“Walk with me?” he proposed, and you hoped your smile wasn’t as beaming as it felt.  

“I’d love to.”

So maybe you ended up skipping your evening class to sit in the back of his History of England course.  And, perhaps, he ended that one early, too, this time to buy you coffee at the student center; and your discussion ended up going on so long that the coffee shop closed and you had to go to his office to finish the conversation.

But, in a certain sense, it could be argued that you never really got a chance to finish that conversation after all… because a few moments after he shut the door to his office, you, for lack of a better term, jumped his bones.

“Fuck,” he mumbled against your lips as you pulled him closer by his jacket, “we can’t do this.”

You nodded, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck.  “Mhm, yeah, you’re right,” you agreed breathlessly.

His hands took their place at your waist as you both stepped back, the back of your legs bumping into his desk which you jumped up slightly to sit on.

“I mean, we really can’t do this,” he continued, kissing your neck instead now while your legs wrapped around his hips, your skirt riding up slightly, your fingers fumbling with the buttons on his collar.  “I want to, overwhelmingly so, but we can’t.”

“I know,” you sighed; your head fell back when his teeth grazed over your pulse, and his hand was right there to catch it and hold it up, gripping the back of your neck.

“This absolutely cannot happen,” he groaned when your legs pulled him closer, something hard and hot pressing up against your thigh through his trousers and you were really hoping it wasn’t just his cell phone.

Then he rocked his hips, just barely, and you felt the outline of the ridge of his head and it was definitely not his phone unless he had the most suggestively-shaped phone case of all time.  You gasped and grabbed his face to kiss him again, shamelessly desperate now, weaving your fingers into the hair just above the back of his neck.

By now you had managed to get a few of his buttons open so when you slid your fingers down from time to time, they ran over his chest and the patch of dark blonde hair there.  Funny enough, you couldn’t remember having any strong opinions on chest hair before this afternoon, but now you felt your walls fluttering around nothing.  

He helped you shed your blazer just before tossing his own coat aside, never breaking the kiss, holding your face gently while he pushed you down to lay on his desk— he reached behind you to clear a few stray papers out of the way first.  

Your back hit the glossy wood and his weight pinned you down, rough hands sliding up your legs and under your skirt as you tried to push your hips up for more friction where you needed him most.

He pushed your hips back down, not too roughly but definitely enough to get your attention, before sliding his hands up your skirt again where he toyed with the hem of your panties.

You wanted to say something, more specifically you wanted to beg him to touch you, but you had this fear that if you spoke now it would all become real and he would stop because, as he had so poignantly noted, this can’t happen.  And both of you knew that… so maybe it would be easier to let it happen if neither of you really acknowledged it.

Luckily, he didn’t tease you too long, reaching under the fabric and swiping the rough pads of his fingers over your slickened folds.  You choked on your gasp, accidentally digging your nails into his shoulders when he drew delicate circles around your clit.  All at once, he suddenly pushed those fingers right inside you and your back arched; you needed so much more than just his fingers but the way they twisted and curled against your walls was nearly perfect as well.  

They didn’t stay long, quickly pulling back as you watched him quickly open his trousers just before you felt the head of him pushing up to your entrance.

His eyes met yours, dark with need, yet somehow clearly asking you for permission, making sure this was what you wanted: and fuck, you wanted it more than anything.  The moment that you nodded, he began to push forward— slow and deliberate, but unyielding.  

Perhaps as a perfect healthy college student in a male-dominated major, you had no real excuse for it to have been so long since you’d had sex.  As you liked to put it: dating as a woman in computer science means the odds are good but the goods are odd.  Truth be told, you weren’t sure at this point if having had sex any time in the past year would’ve prepared you for him anyway.  It felt like he was forging a new path inside you— certainly a wider one than anyone else ever had since he was so thick.  

With his hips fully seated against yours, the tip of his cock just reached the end of you, just barely brushed over those sensitive spots you didn’t even know you had before.

It stung a bit to be filled this thoroughly, so it was no wonder you were biting down on your lip hard enough to bruise it, your fingers clutching at his shirt tightly.

“Am I hurting you?” he whispered, finally breaking the silence, voice strained like he was struggling just as much as you were (though in an entirely different way).

“A little,” you admitted.  “Please don’t stop.”

He groaned a few curses as he started to move back, and forth, and so slow you could hardly stand it.  

“Fuck,” you breathed, “oh my god, harder, please…”

A little smile crossed his face, a sharp exhale almost like a laugh, and it made your cheeks burn even hotter than they already were.  But, he obeyed, regardless, more aggressive in his movements yet not any faster as he held your hips to keep you from sliding across the desk’s glossy wood surface.

Your moans were starting to echo around the office’s beige walls at this point, and he snarled as he bit down on your neck.  “You need to stay quiet,” he hissed in your ear.  “Can you do that for me?  Can you stay quiet even when I’m making you feel so good?”

“I-I’m trying,” you whimpered, “your cock is… so deep…”

“Oh, I know,” he cooed, voice heavy with faux pity, “poor thing, you can’t take it?”

“No!” you yelped.  “I can take it!  Please, please don’t stop.”

“I won’t have to if you stay quiet, darling, we can’t have somebody hearing you now can we?” he chuckled, licking and sucking at your pulse point as your eyes rolled back in your head.  “We can’t have somebody hearing you cry for me, and coming in here, and seeing you laying on my desk getting fucked by your professor, right?”

What the hell was wrong with you that that idea actually turned you on?  Why did it actually make you want to moan louder until everyone could hear you?

And when his cock speared right against that spongy spot inside you, you did exactly that and he had to suddenly clamp his hand down over your mouth.

“Fuck,” he growled, “you’re going to get us both in trouble.”

Your attempts at apologies were totally incomprehensible with his hand over your mouth, not that they were likely to have made much sense either way.

Blinking your eyes shut, your legs began to quiver slightly as he rutted into you, your toes curling inside your loafers.  You felt so full you could hardly stand it, stretched so wide that you were forced to feel every detail of his cock as it filled you.  Already your walls were bearing down on him; you couldn’t help it, it was like your body was just his instrument now and instinct had taken control of your movements.  

His accent was definitely stronger now as he whispered in your ear, praising you gruffly.  You knew from the beginning that you loved high marks and encouragement from your teachers, but this… this was different, and you hadn't known how much it would affect you.

"Good girl," he breathed, "you're taking me so well, draga, you feel so perfect around me."

You whined from behind his hand and he chuckled at your obvious neediness.

"You like making me feel good, darling?" he presumed, his smile pressing against your neck between nipping kisses to your pulse point.  "You like knowing that I can barely take this tight cunt gripping me so well, that I'm already addicted to your precious body and want to fill it with my seed?"

With your eyes rolling back in your head you nodded feverishly, heavy in your state of total delirium as he pumped his cock deep into you over and over.

You reached up to try to pull his hand away from your mouth, and he met your gaze with fire in his eyes.

“If I take my hand away, will you be good?” he challenged, and you nodded feverishly.  He was a bit hesitant but slowly moved his hand down, and though you did have to keep biting your lip, you managed to restrain yourself.

Every drag of the ridge of his head inside you was somehow more intense than the last, somehow hitting right at your spot and it was like each rough thrust knocked his name out of your mind and onto your lips until you were chanting it like a prayer, or a plea.

And each time you said it, he fucked you harder, snarling and whispering your name back to you a few times, in between little praises; "Beautiful," he mumbled, "such a sweet little girl… such a perfect cunt."

“I— fuck, I’m gonna—” you stammered your warning.  

“Will you come for me?” he finished for you, and you nodded quickly.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” you hissed.

It was obvious just by the build-up that you were going to come hard, pleasure tightening in your core until you were sure that it would spill over but it just kept going, making you wonder if it would ever reach the breaking point.

And oh boy did it, it slammed into you in fact, and your legs quivered as you struggled for air.  He growled in your ear, fucking you harder through it all, stroking every place that had only become even more sensitive.  The moment you could form words again, you were wasting the ability on a string of swears and promises you couldn’t keep.

“Yours, fuck, it’s yours,” you sobbed.  He chuckled a little, pulling back to examine your face which must have given away how fucked-out and cockdrunk you were already.

“Say it again,” he demanded darkly, holding you tighter, fucking you a bit more deliberately though not any less aggressively.

“Yours,” you gasped, cut off by a rough and dominating kiss.  Your moans were lost to his tongue but he didn’t need them to know you were coming, the way your body gripped him tighter than ever was sign enough.

“So good,” he whispered against your lips, “you’re doing so good for me…”

His words washed over your skin and soothed you like a salve, bringing some relief from the overwhelming feelings his body was assaulting yours with.

All things considered, he was still moving rather slowly, each of his thrusts measured and patient, and never really changing speed even as you were coming around him.  Weak little cries fell from your throat each time his hips met yours and the tip of his cock kissed the deepest parts of you.

Your body went limp in his arms and you hadn't noticed before how good it felt for him to hold you, for his strong hands to support you like it was nothing.  His thumb gently stroked your back through your shirt and you mewled weakly into his shoulder.

"So good, draga, so fucking good," he mumbled, holding you closer.

"Please… faster," you whimpered, "I want you to come."

"Is that what you want?" he taunted, ignoring the way you nodded immediately.  "You want to make me come, darling?"

"Yes, please, want it so much," you gasped.

He finally sped up, though it was still nothing like the lightning-speed jackhammering you were used to from guys your age: it was better, certainly, especially when he lifted your leg onto his shoulder and pushed so deep you saw stars.

The second one seemed to hit you all at once, almost out of nowhere, and you heard yourself mumble, “Professor, I’m coming.”  It sounded a bit pitiful, the way you said it, but he apparently didn’t mind as you felt him nod encouragingly in the crook of your neck.

You felt totally drained by now, exhausted even though all you’d been doing was lying there and taking it, but you knew he wasn’t done with you yet.  But, if the way his thrusts were becoming more desperate and erratic were anything to go by, he might be done with you soon.

"I'm going to come inside you," he groaned against your ear.  You were, like, 99.9% sure that if you told him not to, he would pull out, but the way that he phrased it, like a demand, like you didn't have a choice and he would do it either way… it had an effect on you, one he noticed when your channel tightened around him instantly.  "Oh, you like that idea, hm?  You want to be full of my come?  Your sweet little cunt is already trying to milk every drop from me."

"Yes," you breathed, "fuck, I want your come in me, please!"

He sped up quite a bit then, each slam of his hips into yours making you choke on a whine, your arms weakly clinging onto him for dear life.

You could feel his cock swelling, flexing, pushing your body to its limits as he moaned lowly through his teeth, streams of come making you feel warm and full.

He didn't stop until every drop was in you, thrusting in time with each pump of his release until he slowed to a stop.

Strands of hair fell into his face as he hung his head, panting hard and fast.  You melted back onto the desk, realizing this might be the first time in a solid half hour your back wasn’t arched.

It was a bit of a struggle to keep your eyes open against the heavy fog of afterglow that filled your mind; you couldn’t remember the last time you felt so… satiated.  As a college student, you were always thinking about the next assignment, mentally re-evaluating your calendar, or preparing for something— and usually all on less than six hours of sleep.

But now your mind was as close to a blank slate as it had been in at least a decade.  Even though you probably should’ve been, you weren’t even thinking about the potential consequences of this, the implications, the risks.  No, you were just staring up at him, thinking about kissing him again.

He would have to lean down for that, though; there was no way you were going to sit up now.

You hadn't even noticed that you had closed your eyes, almost falling asleep right there on his desk, until you felt his hand cradle your face softly, a calloused thumb rubbing over your cheek.

In unison, the both of you sighed deeply.

As much as it felt like a real effort, you blinked open your eyes and looked up at him, watching him comb his fingers through his hair.  It only messed up the style even further yet he looked better than ever.

He slowly moved his hips back, leaving you annoyingly empty, and readjusted himself until he almost looked put together again… but his collar was still uneven and his lips still looked bitten and there was still that precious pinkish hue on his cheeks.  If anyone else saw him in this state, they’d either know what happened between you two or think he’d just run across campus or something.

If anyone else saw him in this state, you’d be a little jealous, to be totally honest.

You got back to work trying to right your appearance as well, though you knew the best you could hope for was only mildly presentable; he looked at you like you’d never looked better, though.

“Well, this was fun,” you chuckled breathlessly, “but it’s getting pretty late and I have an eight a.m. tomorrow…”

“Yeah, so do I,” he nodded, glancing away.  

You picked up your bag from where you’d dropped it by the door, lifting the strap over your shoulder and starting to turn to leave.

"I… I should walk you back to your dorm," he announced, making you smile.

"That's sweet, but save your chivalry.  I can take care of myself just fine."

"But—"

"I think it's safer if we're not seen together walking together by my dorm," you interjected, "especially when I'm walking a little funny…"

"I hope I didn't hurt you," he winced sympathetically.

"No, trust me, that was… exactly what I needed," you breathed.  He smiled a little, looking down at the floor.

"Then I'll see you in class," he nodded, watching you closely as you stepped back and picked up your bag, starting to leave his office with one last small wave goodbye.  “Wait, wait!” he whispered harshly just before you could let go of his door, and you giggled as he leaned out into the hall and glanced around to make sure no one was nearby.  

When he confirmed the coast was clear, he smiled and grabbed your face with one hand, pulling you into a sudden kiss.  And you smiled too— you couldn’t help it— as you kissed him back, almost ready for him to drag you back into that office and start this all over again.  He did let you go, though, with one more whispered ‘goodnight’ and a look that made your heart do little somersaults.

As you finally did make your way back to your dorm, you tried to figure out if that was a goodbye kiss or a ‘see you soon’ kiss.  Or maybe a ‘thanks for the one-time office quickie’ kiss?  But you didn’t know enough about this sort of thing to know if that was even an option.

All you did know was that you really hoped it wasn’t the last kiss you’d have with him.

Can I speak to you in my office today after class?  Thank you.

-Z

You may ask yourself: can one simple email, in only thirteen words, strike fear into the hearts of those who read it?  And the answer is yes, assuming that email is from Professor Helmut Zemo and read by the lovestruck student who slept with him two days ago and hasn't stopped thinking about it since.

Only one of a few things could happen in his office after class, and there was a massive gap between the best and worst case scenarios.  You dressed for the best but prepared yourself psychologically for the worst.

You caught him staring as you walked past the teaching podium to your seat in the front; you just hoped nobody else caught him.  And if you'd thought paying attention in class was tough before, boy oh boy was it a challenge now.  The nerves of what he wanted to discuss with you were bad enough alone, but that combined with memories from two days earlier randomly assaulting your psyche was just overwhelming.

When he pointed at the map with two fingers, you could remember exactly how those fingers had felt inside you, twisting and curling and getting you ready for his cock.

When he spoke, you could hear the difference in his voice compared to how he groaned out his praises while he was fucking you within a damn inch of your life.

And every once in a while, when he couldn’t help but glance at you for a moment, his gaze burned right through you; you were helpless to those brown eyes, completely paralyzed by them, and it must’ve been hours of that before class finally ended.

For the first time, you were the first person out the door when he released the class.  As much as it was going to be a little bit weird to beat him to his office, it was certainly better than any of your other options.  There was a chair in the hall beside the door, and you took a seat and pretended to read a book just to look busy (there was no way you could actually turn symbols on a page into readable language right now, not when you knew he’d be here any minute to talk about… something).

Your peripheral caught him coming down the hall, but you pretended to be deeply immersed in your book until he was right beside you, unlocking his door and opening it for you and himself.  Tucking your book away and following him inside, you found him already staring at you, expression completely unreadable.  Your gut sank in anticipation of whatever conversation this was going to become, and a moment passed in heavy silence.

"Hi," you greeted plainly, letting out a quick breath.

"Hi," he returned.  "Close the door behind you."

You nodded and did as you were told, quietly pushing the wood back until the door latched before approaching where he had come to stand beside his desk.  Though you didn't originally intend to, you found yourself standing a bit too close.

"I'm not quite sure where to start," he admitted, chuckling breathlessly as he reached up to rub the back of his neck.  He looked cute flustered, which was a shame because his tone seemed to imply you needed to not be thinking about how cute he was.  “Listen, you should know that what happened before… it was a mistake,” he sighed.  “It can’t happen again.”

“Do you regret it?” you asked point-blank.

“It can’t happen again,” he repeated in lieu of a real answer, and you looked closely at his face; you didn’t find as much confidence there as you were looking for, it wasn’t the face of a man who knew he was making the right choice.  You certainly didn’t think he was making the right choice.

“Why did you want to have this conversation alone in your office, then?” you challenged.

He cleared his throat slightly.  “So no one would hear us.”

“Hear us talk?” you pressed.  “Is that all?”

“That’s… definitely the plan,” he nodded, swallowing dryly.  "Like I said, it was a mistake— my fault, not yours.  And I just hope we can put it behind us respectfully."

“All the best mistakes are made at least twice,” you whispered, reaching up to trail your finger down his lapel.  “Don’t you think?”

“Don’t do that,” he requested tensely.

"Do what?"

"That," he hissed.  "Stop being… irresistible," he clarified, eyes darting from your lips to your finger to your eyes and back again.  "A man can only take so much.  I'm trying to do right by you."

"You already did when you fucked me that good," you smirked.  "Nothing else could be as right as that."

Your fingers were just barely brushing over his belt when he grabbed you by the wrist.  Jaw tight and eyes solemn, he shook his head.

You wrenched out of his grasp with a nod.  It was worth a shot, but you didn't want to be that person who couldn't take no for an answer— so, you gave him a little smile and readjusted the strap of your bag.  “Well, if it was just the once, then you should know that I’m still glad it happened.  Even if it shouldn’t have.”

He nodded, strategically not speaking— but you knew he would agree, if he could.

“And if it’s any consolation to you now, you were the best I ever had.”

You reached for the doorknob, just starting to turn it and open your way out when he suddenly slammed it shut with a hand right above your head, making you gasp and spin around to look up at his dark gaze.

“Professor…” you whispered.

“The best you ever had?” he repeated, grinning proudly when you nodded.  “Oh, sweetheart, I wasn’t even trying.”  He leaned down to brush his lips against your ear as he whispered to you: “You don’t even know yet how good I can make you feel.”

A shiver ran up your spine; your tongue darted out to lick your lips.  “Are you going to get on with it and show me?”

He didn’t even let you step away from the door, dropping to his knees right there and pushing up your skirt to kiss and bite your thighs.  “Only if you ask very nicely,” he taunted with a brow raised in challenge.

“Please,” you breathed, “fuck, please, want you to taste me.”

His hands slid up your legs, grabbing the hem of your panties before sliding back down.

It wasn’t like you’d never been eaten out before, but this still felt like a first considering your skirt was pushed up to your waist, your panties were pulled down to your ankles, and even just one slow lick over your folds made it obvious he knew exactly what he was doing.

“F-fuck,” you choked, reaching down to weave your fingers into his hair.  He grinned against your skin and kept going, exploring you carefully before finally sucking on your swollen clit.  Your knees threatened to buckle, your head fell back against the door so hard it almost hurt, but all you could really feel was his mouth on you, moving like he knew your body better than you did.

So it was no wonder, then, that you already began to spiral towards your release, legs shaking around his head as he devoured you mercilessly.

"Oh my god, I—" you tried to warn him, but he already knew, and he pulled back to wipe his mouth with his sleeve and stand up.  He grabbed your jaw and kissed you roughly, stopping to whisper to you so close that his lips brushed against yours.

"I'm sorry, draga, but you've spoiled me… now that I've felt you come around my cock, I can't imagine making you come any other way.  I need to feel your cunt grip me so fucking tight… it's all I've been thinking about since I last saw you," he admitted.

"I thought about it, too," you sighed.  "I was up all night trying to make myself come as good as you did but I couldn't… your come was still leaking out of me."

He growled and leaned in to nip at your ear.  "Oh, poor thing… I can imagine it so easily, you laying in your bed with your legs spread, fingers getting exhausted from playing with your little pussy too much, these perfect lips whining for me because you need me to take care of you."

"H-Helmut, please," you whimpered.  

"Yeah, something like that," he smirked.

"I can't wait any more, just fuck me.  Need you inside me," you breathed.

"Then bend over my desk."

{part 2}

[violetlilysunshine]

Plenty of Times

Boyfriend Chris Evans x Female Reader

Requested - Anon: Hey! Is it all right to request for Chris Evans where reader comes in after a girls night and just dotes on him and loves on him and its sickeningly fluffy and he’s like what’s gotten into you? and reader breaks down because one of her friends vented that her husband is abusive and neglectful and she sees how important it is to have a good man in her life 🤍

WC: 1,619

Warnings: Pet names [bubba, babe, honey], talk of a bad relationship [neglectful husband - but not about Chris/reader], mention of phone sex [but it doesn’t happen here]

A/N: I’m so so so so sorry this took so long, I’m working on clearing out my inbox though! 

IF YOUR NAME IS SCRATCHED OUT I CAN’T TAG YOU - I’VE STARTED REMOVING PEOPLE, SO IF IT’S NOT WORKING AND YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED SHOOT ME A MESSAGE AND WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT

MASTERLIST - Join my TAGLIST

You haven't gone out with your friends in so long. You’re all busy with your own stuff - work and relationships, some with kids to care for. So, when the opportunity arises, Chris encourages you to take advantage of it. 

The night was pretty simple, dinner, a couple of glasses of wine, and a few shared desserts before everyone was ready to head home. Most of your friends were not night owls like you by any standard, so when dinner wrapped up early, it was no surprise. At least that meant you got to go home to your man. 

“Bubba?” you called as you walked through the front door.

“In here,” he answered.

You followed his voice to the living room, finding him lounging on the chaise sofa, Dodger soundly asleep next to him. Some movie played on the screen; you hadn’t paid attention to it long enough to know what it was.

You headed to the connected kitchen, dropping your keys and purse on the island, hanging your jacket on the back of one of the barstools, and slipping out of your boots before hurrying back to Chris. 

He paused the movie when he heard you approach him from behind. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your hands splayed across his chest, as you pressed a long kiss to his temple. 

He hummed at the contact, placing one hand over the top of both of yours, before turning his neck to meet your lips with his. 

The kiss was sweet and simple, you could feel him smile against your lips as you lingered longer and longer into it. 

He chuckled when you finally pulled away, a big smile etched across his face and a glimmer in his eyes. 

You unraveled from his neck and stepped around the sofa. Dodger finally perked up when he heard you walking and you greeted him of course. 

“Hey, bub,” you whispered, scratching Dodger’s head for a second before turning to Chris, “can we cuddle?” you asked quietly. 

“Sure, babe, we can always cuddle,” he answered with a small smile, opening the blanket for you. 

You slipped under, resting between his legs with your back on his chest. He wrapped the blanket and his arms around you, splaying his palms over your upper chest and rubbing gently, just as you had done to him. You ran your nails over his arm as light as a feather with one hand, the other rested on top of his clasped hands, tangling your fingers with one set of his as best you could in this position. 

You tugged on his hand, pulling his arm further over your shoulder so you could place kisses on his bicep. 

“How was girl’s night?” he asked, placing a light kiss to the top of your head.

“Fine,” you whispered, squeezing his hands for a second, “was nice to see everyone. They all seemed to need a good vent,” you ended with a breathy chuckle.

You felt his laugh rumble through your body, “don’t they always?” he asked, another kiss being placed on top of your head as he looped his legs around yours.

“Seems like,” you giggled, stroking his calf with your foot. 

“Well I hope it was nice either way,” he said, “I’m glad you got to see them.” 

“Mm, yeah, me too,” you answered quietly.

He slipped one hand from your grasp to grab the remote, causing a whine to leave your lips, disappearing into his skin as you had your lips placed on his bicep again. 

He chuckled at the noise, “want me to start it over?” he nodded, making reference to the movie.

“No, it’s okay,” you whisper, pressing another lingering kiss to his arm. 

“You sure? I’m not that far into it...” 

“I’m sure, I won’t really be paying attention anyway.” 

“Why’s that?” he asked, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Can’t focus with you wrapped around me,” you giggled.

“Mm, yeah, sorry not sorry,” he laughed, playing the movie again.

You giggled, bringing his hand up to your lips to give it a kiss.

He gave his other hand back to you and you entwined your fingers with it as well, giving both of his hands small squeezes every once in a while. 

You placed random kisses on his arms, pulling his hands up every now and again to press kisses to them as well. You didn’t want to do it too often, so you wouldn’t annoy him, but you couldn’t help but give him a few. 

You tilted your head to look up at him, his eyes focused on the movie before he looked down at you. 

“What’s up?” he asked, his voice sounding a little tired. 

“Nothing,” you whispered, passing him a small smile. 

“You’re lying,” he said, placing a kiss on your forehead, “what’s on your mind?” 

You sighed deeply, “have I told you how much I love you?” 

He reached over and paused the movie, quickly tangling his hand with yours again: “all the time,” he smiled. 

“And how great you are?” 

“Plenty of times,” he chuckled. 

“And how thankful I am for you?” 

“More than once,” he answered, a sense of questioning coming into his voice. 

“And how kind and good you are to me?”

“Never in those words, but you deserve it more than anything,” he said, “where’s this coming from?” 

“Jenn was really upset tonight,” you started. 

“And that has to do with me, how?” 

“She was talking about how rough her marriage is. And I know everyone says the first year is the hardest, but he doesn’t prioritize her, and never really has, and if I’m being honest I always thought she could do better; and she feels so disconnected from him and he’s so distant and she’s just not happy,” you rambled, tears pricking at your eyes, “and of course the whole time she was talking I felt so bad for her, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’m so lucky to have a guy like you and that made me feel even worse. Ya know? Like guilty because I was sitting there thinking ‘well at least I’m not in her shoes,’ and, god, you’re so good to me and I appreciate and love you so much. Don’t feel like I tell you that enough, but, you’re the best,” you finished, taking a deep breath. 

“Honey,” Chris soothed, “you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, first off. It’s not your fault he treats her like crap, and all you can do is support her with whatever she chooses to do about it. She can leave, or they could go to therapy, or she might just ignore it all together, but the only thing you can and should do is listen to her vent and offer support, or sometimes advice if she asks for it.”

You smile, “I know, but it’s just a shitty situation. Like I wish she wasn’t going through it, because she’s great, and I wish he was as good to her as you are to me.” 

“Well no one’s as good as me,” Chris joked, trying to lift your spirits.

You laughed lightly in response, turning over a little bit and scooting up so you could lay face to face with him. 

“Second,” he continued, “I’m only giving you what you deserve. Wish I could do a lot more sometimes, if I’m honest,” he said almost under his breath as he wrapped his arms around your back.

“Chris, you do more than enough! I should be doing more for you!” 

“Babe, you give me everything I could ever want,” he smiles, “you’re amazing. Wish I could do more, like I wish I wasn’t away from you so much. Don’t like leaving you, ever.”

“You’re the best,” you lean forward, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, “you do plenty for me even when you’re away.”

“Not nearly enough,” he says, “gotta come up with something new for us.” 

“We’ve done plenty of new things while you’re away.” 

“Yeah? You think?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Hey, without you, I never would’ve tried phone sex,” you giggle, “love trying new things as long as it’s with you. Especially that thing...” 

He lets out a breathy laugh at that, “I love you too,” he says, referring back to your ramble but also your willingness to try anything for and with him.

You giggle, this time pecking his lips, “I don’t deserve you,” you whisper against his mouth. 

“No, you don’t,” he says shortly. 

You pull away from him, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. 

“You deserve better,” he smiles, a glimmer in his eye again.

“You’re so corny!” you laugh loudly, causing Dodger to grumble next to Chris. 

“Sorry, bub,” you laugh at Dodge.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Chris suggests.

“What about the movie?” you ask, tipping your head towards the TV.

“Eh, won’t be able to pay attention now anyway, and I’ve lost the flow,” he shrugs. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” you whisper, stroking a few fingers across his cheekbone. 

“‘S alright,” he whispers, “like you better anyway.” 

“Thank you,” you whisper, eyelids heavy as they start to flutter closed for a kiss. 

Chris closes the distance between the two of you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, “I love you,” he whispers into your mouth. 

“I love you too,” you whisper back.

Your lips seal in a gentle kiss, and he brings a hand up to rest on your cheek before pulling back: “you can always make it up to me anyway,” he says, a smile giving away his attempt at being serious.

You laugh at him, “alright, bubba, let’s get you to bed.”

TAGLIST: @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @mrspeacem1nusone @elishi03 @golden-hoax  @patzammit @serrendiipty @katiew1973 @princess-evans-addict @high-on-darren-criss @gnemgn @amelia-song-pond @scorpiowidow @multixfandomwriter @wildxwidow @na-nou83 @fdl305 @gotbangtan @dumbhead1 @evansxchalamet

[venomous--fics]

@geekgirlofarchangels Requested: Hi! (I just wanted to say that I love your writing, it's amazing)😍

Can I request Eddie Brock x reader, who bake sweets for him, basically try to show her love for him in many ways in a day to day basis, and when she decides to tell him that she loves him, she sees him with Anne and misunderstand everything.

She panics, but ends fluff? Sorry for any mistakes English is not my first language

A/N: No worries!! Thank you for the request and I hope you enjoy!! Day 6! So many more to go!

"I think I need better piping tips." You said, looking over to Eddie for some reassurance.

The man had a one track mind, and right now, the only thing he could think of was the cookies you had in the oven. He's been staring at it for the last five minutes.

"A watched pot never boils." You said, finally catching his attention.

"And watched cookies never bake." he retorted turning around to look at the cake you'd be decorating, "I think it looks nice."

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"You're not just being cute and nice, right?"

"What would I gain from lying? Name one thing."

"More sweets?"

"That is true, but I don't have to lie to get those."

You rolled your eyes with a smile as you moved the cake to the other counter so that way you had room for the cookies. Before you, Eddie wasn't really the type of guy to have a sweet tooth, but oh boy you sure did change that. You worked at a bakery, and you were still practicing your skills any chance you got.

Eddie was a good and somewhat unbiased judge. He never lied to you, but he was never mean about anything either. If something needed worked on, he'd tell you nicely.

"Why are you stressing so much about your decorating skills anyways? I think you're amazing at it."

"My boss really wants me to start helping out in the decorating area..I was just worried that I was totally going to suck." You set your piping bag off to the side and wiped off your hands, "I just want to make sure I can do everything perfectly."

"You got this. It'll be a breeze for you. I mean, c'mon, look at it. It's really good."

You took a moment to really admire your cake. Yeah, it was pretty good.

Eddie really was so nice and loving to you. He was nothing like any of the other people you'd chosen to spend your time with before. Eddie actually wanted to do things with you, and he was constantly dragging you along for new adventures, and actually paid attention to your wants and needs.

You really liked him. Well, if you were being honest, you were really hopelessly in love with him. And you wanted to tell him, and you were sure he felt the same, but you really wanted to make it special.

Should you write it in icing on a cookie? Or maybe he was a bit tired of cookies. Maybe he'd expect you to do that since you're a baker and all. Maybe you should just tell him. Face to face.

You both left for work, saying your goodbyes and sharing a kiss or two. You were going to tell him after work. It'd finally be a weight off your chest to finally say just how you felt.

Despite having a seemingly normal day, you began to feel a little puzzled towards lunch. Normally, somehow, someway, Eddie always found his way to your work. It was bizarre how your lunch breaks always lined up, but you were sure he did that on purpose.

He didn't show up today, so you spent your break alone. You'd texted him to have a good rest of the day at work, but he never texted back. Maybe he just got busy, you told yourself.

You managed to clock out and make your way home, and still no response from Eddie. He wasn't even home yet. It was 6:45. Normally, he's home way before you. You shrugged it off as a late day at the office as you changed out of your work clothes.

Eddie got home at about 7:15 pm, and didn't say much as to why that was. He was his normal cheery self. He doted on you as usual, and you two ate together. Every thing was fine, but it didn't feel fine.

Things continued on like that for a few days. You had this persistent nagging feeling that Eddie was hiding something, and it was getting in the way of talking to him. It was getting far too annoying to ignore.

Today, one of your rare days off, you decided to hell with it. You were going to make Eddie a nice dinner and just tell him. Maybe then the nagging feeling would go away. Maybe you were just nervous because this was a huge thing to say, especially to Eddie.

You were making your way downtown, to the store, to pick up a few ingredients for dinner. Your list was short, so this really shouldn't take too long. You walked passed a café that you and Eddie frequented, and your body froze just a few steps passed the big front window. The hell was that?

You must've been seeing things. Surely you hadn't seen what you thought you saw, right? Not wanting to be seen, just in case your eyes weren't tricking you, you turned your body a little. You couldn't believe it. There was was. Even if all you saw was the back of his head, you knew it was him solely because of who was sitting across from him at the little table.

"Anne?" you asked yourself quietly.

She looked like she was in good spirits today. Her smile was warm and inviting as always, and it looked like she was chuckling at something Eddie had just said. You couldn't look away.

Why would he do this to you? Are you really surprised? After all, he did love her first. Maybe he never really loved you to begin with.

You made your way back to the apartment to gather your thoughts. There was to be a rational explanation for this. They weren't doing anything bad, but, you did find yourself worrying because...Well, you know, it was Anne.

For the first time in years, you felt angry. How could he do that to you? You should just leave and just call him later and tell him that you're never coming back. You froze halfway to the door once you realized what had really happened. Eddie chose her. And you knew that time after time he'd do it again.

You felt stupid. You felt a few tears slip out and you tried to fight them off, but that only seemed to make it worse. The door opened, and the sound of keys hitting the counter caught your attention.

"Oh!" Eddie said, "You're home! Good, I have- Hey, are you okay?"

You just stared at him.

He walked over, attempting to comfort you, but you took a few steps back, causing him to freeze. He looked wounded.

"Did something happen?" he asked, lowering his hands.

"I don't know," You said bitterly, "Why don't you go ask Anne?"

"Anne?" Then it registered, "Oh! Oh, no, babe, that's-"

"I don't want to hear any excuses, Eddie! How could you do that to me? How could you string me along and then just backstab me like that."

"No!" He really wanted to hold you, but he knew he had to refrain, "No, no, no! It wasn't like that. I swear!"

"I can't even look at you." You rushed into the bedroom, slamming the door. "God! I'm so, so stupid!"

Eddie listened to your slightly muffled yelling for a minute or two before moving over to the door to open it.

"I shouldn't even be here anymore!" You shouted, throwing open the door, "I have to go."

You tried to move past Eddie, but as a reflex, he grabbed your arm, "Please don't do that."

You tugged and pulled, but you couldn't wiggle free. He wasn't holding too tight, and he wasn't hurting you. You just couldn't get free, "Let go of me!"

"I swear I'd never do that to you!" He pleaded, "Will you just let me explain?"

You stopped fighting and just stared helplessly ahead, "What is there to explain, huh? You don't love me like I love you, so there's nothing left to talk about."

"You love me?"

"Of course I do! But it's obvious that you don't love me! So, just, let go!"

"I love you too!" He said loudly.

It's like the whole world stopped in that moment as your head whipped around to look at him. He looked like his whole world was about to end. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to go down.

"I love you." he repeated, "I- I'm so sorry I didn't say it sooner. I..I got nervous so I, as stupid as it sounds, I went to Anne for advice."

Your whole body relaxed as you listened to him.

"I wasn't sure how to say it- Or, I guess, say it right." Eddie sighed a little, "I asked her what I should do. She was always better at this stuff. She gave me this bright idea of a movie and dinner...But it seems like that's all out the window now."

You realized your mistake, "Eddie, I'm sorry...I didn't want it to happen like this either. I had a plan too, and I guess I ruined it."

"I should've just told you. I was just scared you wouldn't feel the same."

"Wouldn't feel the same?" You wanted to sound offended at the thought, "Eddie, why do you think I do all these nice things for you? I wanted to tell you for ages, but I just couldn't."

Eddie let go of your arm, and pulled you into a hug. He hugged you like his life depended on it. You hugged back before sighing, "This really isn't how I wanted this to go."

"I know." he said, "Doesn't make it any less true, does it?"

You shook your head.

"I mean it. I really do love you. I just wanted to make sure I did everything right this time." He sounded disappointed with himself, "I guess I'm always going to screw some things up."

"That's okay." You reassured, "I don't know if you noticed, but I ruined this whole thing. Your plan, my plan. All of it."

"I wouldn't say ruined." Eddie pulled back to look at you, "I'd just say this was a little out of the ordinary."

"Do you still want to go out for dinner? Is that still in the cards?" You asked curiously.

"Of course. Why don't we just take a breather for a little bit."

[miekasa]

1+1 (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff...... again....... is it getting boring and predictable yet lmao, once again the dog’s name is captain and no i do not regret it

↯ word count: 2.5k

↯ summary: levi ackerman is a cuddler, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. (aka me once again pushing my physical affection is levi’s love language agenda because he’s a poor, touch-starved little man).

i. the lap pillow: person A sits upright, while person B rests their head in person A’s lap. head pets and hair playing option, but highly encouraged.

Levi spent an obnoxious amount of time picking out the perfect couch for his apartment. He might have paid a little bit more than what he’d originally budgeted for, but it was worth it; his soft, plush couch and accompanying cushions were equally comfortable and beautiful, matching the interior of his living room, and posing at the perfect nap spot when Levi was too tired to make it to the bed, or wanted to lounge around with Captain for a while.

Or, well, it used to be worth it. Because now, Levi would rather lay his head on your lap than on his stupid, expensive couch and all its cushions.

Sure, the couch still provides comfort or refuge for the rest of his body, a comfy cavern to stretch his limbs or crash on after a long day, but with you there, all the benefits go to his head; literally, because when his head is in your lap, you stroke his face, comb through his hair, pad your thumb against his lips—whatever, Levi doesn’t really fucking care, because all of it is heavenly.

“Do you want to go to bed?” you question softly, hand raking through Levi’s hair. He’s lying on his back, not even pretending to have been watching the TV, as to let you have maximum access to his hair and face.

“No,” he says shortly, shifting his foot around to allow for your yorkie puppy to curl up at the other end of the couch, “Comfortable here.”

You try to hide the chuckle from escaping your lips. Levi certainly wasn’t shy about how much he liked your affections, especially within the closed walls of his apartment; but it always amused you just how simultaneously clipped, yet clingy he could be about it.

“Your neck is going to hurt, love,” you tell him, slowly moving your right hand from his hair to trace along his eyebrow, then down his cheek.

Levi huffs, ever so slightly. Then, gently, turns on his side, rotating his body and head, so that his cheek is now pressed along your thigh, legs curled up to his stomach, allowing Captain more space to curl into a ball at the base of Levi’s feet. He bends his arms, both coming to rest on your thighs as well, just an inch from his face.

“It’s fine like this,” he grumbles, voice thick with sleep—and a bit of frustration, because you’ve ceased playing with his hair at this point, “I’m going to take a nap, don’t move.”

You can help your laughter from escaping, “I don’t really have a choice, now do I?”

He hums in affirmation, shifting around just a bit to his comfort. You smile at the way he wiggles his toes, Captain taking it as an invitation to snuggle closer to Levi. You rest your right hand against Levi’s shoulder, lightly massaging his muscles as to not disturb his drifting to sleep, and resume your focus on the TV ahead of you.

Just when you’d thought Levi was on his way to falling asleep, he lets out a discontented grunt, moving his arm backwards to grab at your wrist, and with gentle, but firm force, moves your hand that was massaging his shoulder to the top of his head. He says nothing, only moves his hand back to its previous position, and once again shifts to readjust his napping position.

You get the message, and with a wide smile, you carefully begin to thread your fingers through his hair again; and with a satisfied purr, Levi snuggles his head into your lap, and finally drifts off to sleep.

ii. the half spoon/chest rest: person A lays flat on their back, while person B curls into their side, laying their head on person A’s chest.

Levi rarely falls asleep before you do, so he’s had quite a bit of time to observe your sleep habits—as non-creepily as possible, of course.

You’re a pretty normal sleeper—again, not that he spends his time watching other people sleep, or anything—but you do have your own quirks; most of which Levi finds endearing on some level or another. Like the way you always have to have a minimum of three pillows on your side of the bed, even if you don’t sleep with all three of them at the same time. And the way your arms subconsciously curl up, usually around a pillow if Levi isn’t there, or even around yourself if there’s no object for you to grasp.

One of your sleeping ticks he isn’t particularly fond of is the way you move around. Not sporadically, and thankfully, not to a point that leaves you sprawled across the mattress at an obscure angle, but just… around. He especially hates when you roll away from him, because you usually roll away and never roll back.

Which is why Levi is generally fond of cuddling positions in which he’s holding you, as to make sure you don’t, quite literally, roll out of his arms. Because nothing pisses Levi off more than waking up and realizing you’ve rolled away and taken to snuggling against your pillow instead of him. He’s much better than a pillow. Warmer, too. Not mention, a real, actual human being.

Right now, you’re tucked almost expertly into Levi’s right side, head laying on his chest, your right arm over his stomach, hand just barely tickling the exposed skin from his shirt riding up. Levi likes the feeling of your shallow exhales rippling against his shirt, and the warmth of your cheek pressed against his chest.

He’s about to fall asleep himself, when he feels you shuffling, and oh no, not on his watch. Before the worst can happen, Levi secures his right arm over your shoulder, as to hold you against him. The urge to roll seems to leave you then, the only movement is of your right arm, which you bend at the elbow, now laying your palm against his pecs.

Levi exhales, content. Now he can sleep peacefully. Well, almost. There’s one more thing he likes about this position, and it’s his ability to use his free hand to reach down, scoop under your knee and drape your leg across his waist—and he does so happily; smiling to himself as you subconsciously burrow yourself further into his side.

Much better, Levi thinks, letting his eyelids flutter shut. It was time for bed, after all, and he had a feeling he’d be waking up warm and cozy in the morning.

iii. full contact cuddle: person A sits or lays on their back, while person B rests almost directly on top of them.

“I don’t get why you like this so much,” you say, words mumble, as you shimmy up Levi’s body to lay your cheek against his chest, “How do you possibly benefit from this?”

If you asked Levi, this was probably his favorite way to cuddle. Something about having almost all of your body weight on top of him, your head against his chest, and his arms wrapped completely around you just made him feel warm, and cozy, and content. Plus, the added bonus of you laying directly on top of his dick.

He could say all of that, but instead he opts for a minimal hum, and, a simple, “It’s warm.”

“Yeah, because you’re warm, Levi,” you point out, but burrow into his skin anyway. You’re not exactly complaining, laying on Levi is nice; especially a shirtless Levi, with how warm his body runs. And, well, for other reasons, too.

Once again, you’re met with a non-committal hum. Levi just holds you for a bit, listening for the way your breathing slows and evens out, feeling for signs of your body slowing down against his.

After a while, he shifts his arms, moving so that they’re no longer stacked atop each other, but with his palms both resting against your back, creeping under your shirt. “It’s the weight,” he replies carefully, moving his right hand to rub against your skin, “It feels nice.”

“The weight?” you question, lifting your head to look at him, your chin poking into his chest. Levi looks down to meet your eyes, a small nod in reassurance.

“I can’t… explain it,” he tells you truthfully, “I just like the feeling of you against me. It’s not symbolic or any shit like that, it just, feels good. Sometimes feels like we’re… I don’t know, connected or some shit. I can feel you breathe when I breathe, and all that.”

It’s a poor explanation, and nothing close to what he wants to be able to convey, but you understand him anyways; you always do. You have to hold back your overgrown smile, just barely letting the corners of your lips turn upwards at Levi’s response. You extend your neck briefly to place a short kiss against his jaw, before turning to head to lay back on his chest.

“No, I get it,” you reassure him, snuggling against him for extra measure, “Feels nice to just know you’re there.”

Levi hums in affirmation, his hand squeezing at your waist affectionately—a silent thank you for being able to read between his lines. You lay like that for a while, your exhales tickling against Levi’s bare chest, while his hands massage at your back.

“Besides,” he says, his hands slowly venturing down past your waist; he squeezes at your hips, adjusting you so that your center is directly on top of his, and encouraging you to lift your upper half, so that you’re looking down at him, a full view of the wicked smile on his face, “I kind of have a thing for you being on top of me.”

iv. the seated snuggle: person A sits upright, maybe slouched a bit, while person B cuddles into their side; a hand wrapped around A’s waist or arm, and B’s head resting against A’s shoulder.

Levi likes his alone time, but even when he’s focusing on himself, he’s acutely in tune with you and your emotions. And to be honest with himself, he spends a lot of his alone time thinking about you—consciously or not, you find a way into his brain, and Levi has long since accepted that you’re a permanent, and very welcome presence in his life, one that can be more powerful and enjoyable that his own solitude.

Even when he’s sitting on the couch, right leg bent and tucked under his left at the knee, a book Hange had recommended in his hand, with a shitty hospital drama playing as background noise on the television; even then, when he’s relaxing and enjoying his novel, he purposefully feels out your presence and gauges your emotions.

Though, if you asked him, it shouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist to understand that you were feeling a little out of it today—maybe not quite sad, but moving a bit slower, perhaps tired, or annoyed by your day at work—despite the cheery lilt in your voice. But Levi knew, he could feel it, that something was off; but he could also feel that this something wasn’t getting talked about today, or that, perhaps you just didn’t have the words to express it right now. 

Levi greets you as he would when you come through the door, tilts his head up when you lean down to give him a kiss, and lets you pad into your bedroom to change and shower. You shuffle around after that, making your way to the kitchen to reheat the dinner he’d cooked earlier, and flitter between your bedroom and the living room after that.

And Levi knows; he knows that you want to talk to him, but that you wouldn’t dare to interrupt his alone-time, because you know how important it is to him. What you fail to understand is that you’re just as, if not more, important to him because you give him space.

So, Levi waits until you’re hovering by the doorway of the living room again, and then, without looking up from his book, silently opens and extends his left arm. He counts three seconds before you come shuffling over to him, wasting no time tucking yourself into his side, and resting your head on his shoulder. Levi hums when he feels your cheek press into his neck, and wraps his arm securely around you.

“Long day?” he questions, eyes still on his book, but reading at a marginally slower pace now.

Your eyes flutter shut at the question, working harder to snuggle yourself into Levi, wrapping your arms around his waist, “The longest.”

Levi hums, finishing his page, and tucking the ear to mark his spot before closing his book. He turns his head to press a kiss into your forehead, and pulls you a little closer against him. “It’s over now, I’ve got you.”

v. the times together/pretzel: person A rests with back against a wall/couch/object, and person B mirrors their positions; both A and B’s legs are intertwined, while they look at each other.

Levi will only take a bath after he’s showered, because there’s no appeal in sitting in your own wet dirt. That being said, post-shower baths with you are something he looks forward to, especially after a long, drawn out work week.

You both sit facing each other, legs bent and intertwined, your empty champagne glasses resting on the tiled floor beside the tub. Levi lets you make bubble beards on his face, and smiles as you splash them away and placate it all with a crescendo of kisses.

“I love you,” you smile between presses of your lips, the palms of your hands squishing Levi’s cheeks together—and he just lets you, because he loves you.

Levi thinks it’s his turn now, though he has no interest in bubble beards, or mohawks, simply mirroring your actions to cup your face with his hands, pull you closer, a whisper on your lips.

Wet thumbs pad against your cheeks, and Levi thinks that even like this, with only the flicker of candle flames illuminating your face, that you’re beautiful, and the best thing he’s ever gotten the opportunity to love and care for in his life.

So he lets you know, “And I love you.” And he means it; and you know he does.

[xsamsharons]

behind enemy lines - k. brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x reader.

genre/warning: just fluff!

words: 1.3k.

summary: in which to anyone else, you are supposed to be enemies. however, behind closed doors, it is with you that he feels the safest.

“Fraternizing with the enemy, Brekker?” Per Haskell’s voice ran through the office as he stared down at Kaz. Somehow word had gotten out about the little visit he had paid you, and if there was one thing that moved quickly through Ketterdam, it was rumors. Well, that and stray bullets.

To be honest, Kaz hadn’t exactly been trying to hide, and he didn’t feel like he owed anyone an explanation, especially Per Haskell. However, the old man liked to feel like he could still control Kaz and he figured he could grant him one lecture to make him feel better about himself. He knew there wouldn’t be consequences for him, anyway.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but want to laugh every time someone referred to you as the enemy, or a target, or -his personal favorite- dangerous. Don’t get him wrong, he was well aware of the fact that you were one of the deadliest criminals currently roaming the city, but you weren’t a lost cause. Not like he was, anyway.

He hated it when people compared you to him, you weren't unhinged, you weren’t evil, you were just… self-serving. Yeah, he decided, that was the best way to describe you. You didn’t really follow a moral code, you just did what benefited you the most, and while sometimes you had to do things that most people would consider amoral, no one could blame you for trying to make a living in the hell hole that was Ketterdam.

“I wouldn’t call it fraternizing, I was just conversing.” he wasn't. He was definitely not just conversing.

“I don’t give a shit what you were doing, I want the threat gone.” Kaz almost snorted at that.

Sure, you could kill a man in less than five seconds using no more than just your bare hands, but he wouldn’t consider you a threat, not to his gang anyway. You were more of an annoyance, a rock stuck in one’s shoe that you couldn’t really shake and remained there the whole time you walked, but never a threat. You actually were the person he felt the safest around, and while that did make you a threat, it didn’t make you the kind of threat everyone thought you were.

Kaz didn’t say all this, for obvious reasons, and instead settled for a simple: “Of course, sir.”

The old man waves a hand at that, and Kaz took it as a sign of dismissal. Without wasting a single second, Kaz was out of there as quickly as his leg allowed him to, and as he slammed the door, he used a bit more force than he usually would.

The only person who had noticed he wasn’t spending as much time in his office anymore was Inej, and if anyone else had, they didn’t dare ask him why.

It hadn’t been that difficult to convince him to stay with you, the office held nothing but bad memories and it was rarely quiet. Kaz used to think he liked the noise, he liked hearing the screaming from downstairs and feeling like the city never slept, he thought it granted him a sense of comfort - until he met you. With you, he realized he didn’t need outside noise to distract him from the mess inside his head, he just needed your laugh and a smart comment that forced him to suppress a smile of his own right after. He didn’t need to keep up an act to make him feel like he was in control, he could let his guard down and he could share the control of the situation, knowing you wouldn’t take advantage of his vulnerability.

Most importantly, he felt like he could actually be himself around you, never on edge and actually relaxed for the first time in what felt like forever.

He quickly came to realize he didn’t just like your apartment because of its location, it’s height or it’s view, he didn’t care about the building or where it was located, he liked it because he liked you, and he was sure any room you set foot in would immediately become his favorite room in the city.

As he stepped into the apartment, he couldn’t smell the scent of freshly baked cookies, he couldn’t hear the sound of music coming from any room, and he couldn’t find you reading on the couch like he had heard most people found their significant others when they stepped into their homes. Instead, Kaz could see dirty knives on top of the kitchen table, previously blood stained clothes that had been recently washed hanging from the closest window, and an old ripped vest of his disregarded on top of the couch.

The only light shining on the apartment was the soft glow of the moon that painted shadows on the walls, and the only sound that resonated through the house were his own words once he spoke them. “Honey, I'm home.” His words were laced with sarcasm and they received no response from you. At this, he checked the main room and there he found you, asleep with one of his old shirts on, sleeping on his side of his bed like you always did when he hadn’t been home in a while. Looking at you, he couldn’t believe anyone would ever consider you a threat. The thought almost made him laugh: the most dangerous criminal in Ketterdam, wearing his shirt to bed and hugging his pillow.

He went to the closet first and opened the drawer in which you had told him to put his clothes, and changed into something more comfortable than his armor before slipping into the bed beside you, still keeping a distance.

You felt the bed sink beside you, and spoke to him without opening your eyes. “You’re late.” you said.

“Sorry ma’am.” he replied and you smiled, opening only one eye to take a look at his handsome face framed by messy hair.

“Was it the visit you paid me at work last week?” you said knowingly, he nodded. “I warned you.”

“Couldn’t help myself.” he shrugged. “Missed you too much.” you actually opened your eyes fully at the sound of that

“You big softie. What would the city say if they knew the bastard of the barrel had such a soft side?” you smiled.

“Thankfully, they won’t find out.” he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Maybe I'll tell them.” you teased.

“I won’t let you.”

“You can’t beat me in a fight.” you challenged, knowing that would get a rise out of him.

“Wanna bet?” He raised his eyebrows, almost smiling at you.

“I would, but you have nothing to offer me, I already have all I want.” you shrugged, as if what you said carried no real meaning behind it, but he knew better.

“Now who’s the one going soft" he said, as one of the corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

“Oh, shut up.” you say with a smile, closing your eyes and missing his own smile just by a second.

Moments later, he felt your pinky finger wrap around his own. Kaz’s aversion to touch hadn’t completely healed, for it was not something that would just go away overnight, no matter how much you meant to him. You didn’t mind, and you both had come up with ways of feeling close to each other without actually having to show physical affection.

However, one thing he found he was okay with, was you hooking one of your fingers around one of his own. In his mind, it was a child-like action, it made him feel like a little boy again and he hated that he couldn’t do more, but you loved the little tradition you had created, and you planned to carry on doing it until he was ready for more, not caring when that would be.

You had time, and you had each other. Everything else could wait.

a/n: requests are open for any soc character (and some s&b characters)!