#because last night they were seriously attempting jail break.

[hannie-dul-set]

kitty updates are way better than fics. I love cats. Who doesn't love cats. Cats.

real!!! at work rn so i'm missing them badly 😞😞😞😞😞 my rini and woongie i hope ur doing swell 😞😞😞.

[isaacathom]

So last nights dnd game was quite exciting and dramatic, but the bit I want to focus is a small moment from near the end, for which I need to provide ~context~

the tl;dr of the campaign is that we are a trade expedition to a fantasy china-esque locale, currently stationed in a city with 5 factions vying for their own kind of control, + an overarching imperial authority that has lost its power owing to [circumstances]

the character of focus is a lady named Yan Xia. She was introduced to us as an investigator for a faction called the Bingja, who are the city's military force. We've have poor relations to the Bingja at this stage, and Yan Xia is the first character from that faction we really get to know who isnt a 10yo child (long story).

In the first meeting, she helps us investigate some strange goings on around the Mohzi (another faction) village, finding out some Fucky Wucky creatures have been kidnapping villagers and taking them to a partially-buried mindflayer ship in the nearby forest.

As we're discussing the ship, it slips out that we've had a previous encounter with mindflayers in this very city - inside the Bingja base, in fact (which is when we met that 10yo, who was lightly injured in the encounter). We do actually tell her about this, including that we'd broken in with a goal of getting back some wine that the Bingja had taken as "taxes". An agreement is reached that we and the Bingja will explore the ship together.

However. We, the members of the fleet, end up exploring the ship before the Bingja arrive, clearing it out, rescuing the surviving townsfolk, and scavenging some cool shit. When Yan Xia arrives, she is fucking pissed. Because she was under the impression she had a deal with our commander, which he completely reneged on. Some of us attempt to smooth that over, but we end up leaving the ship. We're 1/2 on good interactions with Yan Xia, but we all know why she's mad.

The next time we see her, its as part of an attempt to sorta... smooth over the relationship with the faction. The Bingja have an item we think we might need for a party member's personal quest (long story, not important), so a small group head to the ship to see if we can work out some kind of deal. Yan Xia is the person who greets us on our arrival, and she is very much not impressed - however, she's not in charge, because her commander is here, and she redirects us to him.

Which is where things get weird. Because over the course of a conversation with him, it becomes clear that the Bingja have taken the mindflayer attack on their base quite seriously, and further suspect that we were involved in the injury incurred by the commander's daughter.

But wait! We told Yan Xia we had broken in to the Bingja base. We told her that was where we fought a mindflayer. She knows we were there. So why is it merely a suspicion of the Bingja that we were involved in the incident? Hmmmmm.

She doesn't end up being present for the rest of the encounter iirc, as we end up teleporting the mindflayer ship to the Astral Sea while she's outside (oops). Everything's fine.

We don't see her again for a little bit. A small group, positioned as a "diplomatic envoy", are sent to the Bingja base formally to discuss a matter of great important - at some point we found some evidence that the imperial administration had been compromised or fucked with, and as the military faction in the city, we hope to work with them to sorta... deal with that. Now we did obtain this info by breaking in, as is our want, but yknow. Whatever.

But when we show up, the head of the Bingja orders our arrest - the administration had beaten us to the punch, and charges us with a crime we actually genuinely haven't committed (not important). The envoy is tossed in jail.

It's there, a bit later, that Yan Xia shows up. And she apologises for not being able to prevent our arrest - she'd argued with the imperial officer who arrived with the "warrant", and made a case to her boss, but to no avail. When she receives our word that we had no involvement in what we've been accused of, she leaves. IIRC, she then spends that session attempting to help distract the imperial officer, enabling us a window to escape (literally, lol).

Yan Xia then doesn't make any particular appearance for a while, as our relationship with the Bingja isn't doing too hot, and we don't really go out of our way to talk to them if we don't have to.

Until last night. A group of us were heading to the Mohzi village to steal gunpowder from their fort (long story), and a Bingja squad is also heading that way. We beat them to the village by a fair way. But as we're sneaking in, a fucking nautilus mindflayer ship shows up and starts wreaking havoc. We grab the gunpowder, we knock out the Mohzi leader, and some of us make efforts to evacuate as many people from the village as possible.

And as we leave, we bump into the Bingja squad. Or, one of us does, with the intention to telling them what's happened. That character attempts to convince the Bingja to turn back - they'll be slaughtered if they advance. To which their commander asks if we know whether the mindflayers have gotten access to the gunpowder.

We lie. We say we don't know. Even as, elsewhere, the party's pockets are laden with ill-gotten formulae and weaponry.

To which the Bingja commander orders her squad to split - some to help with the evacuation, and the rest to make for the Mohzi fort. And she, Yan Xia, will lead that attack. She has her orders to secure the gunpowder, and she will follow her orders.

:(

[321svadha]

okok to clear things up my main is @circotic​ but this blog, @321svadha​, is my csm blog. SO! most of what i want to say about himeno can be attacked through the balcony breakfast scene, which i think is brilliant for sprinkling in details that don’t draw attention to themselves at all but have implications with so much depth i’ve seen a lot of people praise that scene for building tension and an unsettling atmosphere---usually they say it’s to transition to the sudden tone shift in the second half of the episode, as a sort of calm before the storm. i think this is correct! i also think it should be explored what exactly is causing this feeling of something being off.

my big tinfoil hat thesis is that himeno, in this scene, isn’t genuine even once. hear me out.

let’s go play-by-play. line-by-line in the manga.

ah, one more thing first. in both the manga and the anime, she stares down denji, while denji looks around, at her, at the city outside, et cetera. in the anime she has a sandwich that she doesn’t take a single bite of until the very end. there’s a two second pause before she says anything. the effect is really intense. she’s basically interrogating him.

no music plays during this scene. her smiles barely reach her eyes.

1. “i got so drunk last night i didn’t remember a thing”

not necessarily a lie, but feels incongruous to how composed she is finding him in the morning. you wouldn’t be out of line to expect her to be more disoriented. as you’ll see later, it’s not like she doesn’t have a reason to pretend she blacked out.

2. “ahh! thank god! if i made a move on a minor, i’d get arrested! seriously!”

the body language here is important. she frowns for a split second before looking down and saying this line, and, as if waiting for denji to react, holds that expression for a bit longer before looking up when he doesn’t. strange, strange way to deliver this line if it were a genuine expression of horror and relief. the two panels before and after this line are my favorite, actually, because they’re deliberate beats of silence that add so much weight to the dialogue. why the hesitation before? why the long pause after? it’s that denji brought up makima, isn’t it? she’s saying this line and waiting for him to defend the legality of having sex with her.

3. “you’re a strange one... most people would get uncomfortable in this situation and bail.”

= “you’re a strange one... most people would get uncomfortable that their plans to fuck their bosses would land them in jail and give up on them.”

4. “so, denji, you like makima, too? would you like her even if her personality was crap?”

the “too” in the first question kills me. she’s thinking about aki. the second question is so fascinating. why would she ask that next, out of every question she could have asked? himeno’s got dirt on makima, for sure. perhaps trying to suss out whether it’s worth sharing with denji to attempt to break this hold of hers. can the “too” be unspokenly applied to the second question? is she aware that aki would like her even if her personality was crap?

5. “i see... all right! do you want me to set you up with her? let’s you and me form a secret alliance.”

see, i acknowledge that the past few lines by themselves can be taken pretty face value, with himeno’s only angle being bitterness that not only aki but now also denji rebuked her for makima. but this line’s a total 180. it doesn’t fit into that interpretation. here, himeno switches tactics, realizing there’s nothing more she can say that’ll pull denji away from makima. instead, she uses that pull to dangle a carrot in front of his face. it’s especially interesting that only like four panels ago she mentioned how having sex with a minor is soooo illegal, but now she’s encouraging it. contradictions like this fly over denji’s head, though.

6. “i’ll help you get with makima, so you help me get with aki.”

what is a grown ass woman asking a teenager she met two days ago for help getting with her grown ass best friend and work partner of three years? if they werent already together, there's nothing denji's 16 year old ass can do. it’s illogical and incongruous.

she’s speaking denji’s language is what she’s doing. tacking a motive on herself that he can understand and accept and feel secure in that they have very similar simple goals. she wants to establish a mutually beneficial relationship with him as a stepping point, at least.

7. (to “what do you like about that jerk?”) “his looks.”

LIE. BIG LIE. the way she says it in the anime too. kneejerk, blunt, nonchalant. blatant lie. we know that’s not what she really cares for in aki. this is the most important line in the scene because it raises the question of “what else is she lying about?” which, if you follow that line of questioning, completely recontextualizes both this scene and her character.

8. “then as of today, we’re no longer junior and senior. we’re friends.”

incongruous coming from someone who even mature, self-assured aki considers senpai. denji is nowhere close to being himeno’s equal. and friend? she felt no guilt about trying to kill him just a day ago. or barfing in his mouth. they aren’t friends. himeno’s trying to manufacture a pull of her own, and it works! denji later feels an obligation to mourn her because she deployed this friendship agreement.

9. “come over for breakfast once in a while. and bring the fiend and aki.”

what’s power of all people suddenly got to do with all of this? this is starting to look different from the denmaki and akimeno double date agreement she proposed a few panels ago. himeno’s end goal seems to be meeting regularly with the hayakawa trio, to keep tabs on them or to set up an in-route to gathering more information about them. the duplicity of this proposal is highlighted when denji says “d’you think makima would come too?” and we get no answer. makima is very clearly not part of this new breakfast club. that’s the point of the breakfast club, actually. makima is not there.

okay, so what does all this mean? i fully acknowledge that it’s not a binary, that it’s not “irresponsible lecherous drunkard with no self-control” OR “deceitful manipulative mastermind” but probably some of both and in-between. but considering that denji was already of political interest to himeno, it’s not too much of a stretch to say there were motives more ulterior than the ones she’s blatantly and explicitly putting out.

it’s a little more of a stretch to say that the barfing and kissing and drunken antics were distraction tactics to make people underestimate her, but i personally like that spin on her character considering how literal readers and watchers on this side of the fourth wall were distracted from the finer points of her character due to gero chu <3 and the, uh, trying to fuck a teenager.

of course the biggest stretch would be saying she tried to fuck denji as some sort of fucked up chess move against makima, but it’s fascinating to think about it considering she does save kissing denji for when makima’s present, steals him from right under her nose at the end of the night, asks him about makima first thing that night and then the next morning, etc. but again, she may just be irresponsible when drunk! who knows :D. it’s a theory. a game theory. i love her character so bad. in all the other brief bits we’ve seen of her she’s shown to be perceptive, manipulative, decisive, composed. morally very, very gray. i may be reading too deep into things, but by god is it spicy to think that her drunken idiotic decisions are extensions of the ruthless and the professional and not deviations.

hihi i love your blog its so nice seeing someone examine aki and himeno with such an eye! i think himeno is so much craftier than people give her credit for... the anime did her SO much justice in portraying this subtly. the moments of silent thought in her balcony scene with denji... the way when katana man speaks everyone instinctively turns their head except for her, who pauses and listens more inconspicuously... i could go on!

omg thank u sm for the nice words <3

you're so right. the subtle writing is what does it for me in both the anime and the manga. its so easy for ppl to see everything that's on surface level.

i love how much more there is the more u dig in.

also reading what u said about that moment with katana man gave me chills. she's rly sm better than ppl give her credit for. let's not forget how long she's survived on this job.

also pls do go on, i love analysis like this id be thrilled to hear more !!

[spilledkauffie]

Game Night

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Word Count: 2.2k T/W: fluff A/N: Part 2 of Bingo — a few months later

I am SO SORRY this took me way longer to post than it should have!

Bucky Tag List: @anreeixcobra ❤︎ @tsnelf7 ❤︎ @fandom-princess-forevermore​

It was Friday night, which meant one thing: Game Night. Ever since Yori introduced you at Bingo, you made it a tradition in your relationship to play board games on Fridays. For the most part you kept it to fairly modern games, but tonight was going to be a surprise.

Tonight it was your place, 8 o’clock. Bucky showed up with a six pack of root-beer in glass bottles. You added a few to the fridge as he found his usual seat at your apartment table. He waited for you to round the small apartment’s bar and join him. Sliding the glass bottles across the table to Bucky, you smiled, biting in your bottom lip, as he slid your bottle back, now without its top.

Easily he popped the top off his own bottle with his left hand; it was as he was about to take a sip that he caught sight of your look, “what?” he furrowed his eyebrows, questionably. 

“So. . . tonight,” you tried not to giggle.

“What?” Bucky asked again, this time finding himself following your smile despite his will not to.

“Tonight is going to be special,” you clasped your hands together, “because I found some stuff that’s as old as you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Bucky said sarcastically, taking a sip, shaking his head, blinking softly as he saw you rush to convince him it would be fun. Sighing deeply, he gave in, “alright, what is it?”

“I’ll be right back,” you twirled on your heel and left the room.

Returning to shaking his head and the glass bottle, he paused after settling the bottle on the table. It’d been a long time since anyone cared about anything actually as old as him. He’d been pretty good at keeping up with the times, a lot of things he knew just got an upgrade, but the thought of something from his actual childhood felt a little heartwarming. 

“Okay,” you declared, reentering the room with a stack of vintage boxes in your arms that made Bucky lean back in his chair out of shock, “here we are.” 

His jaw dropped a little at what you had brought out as you set the stack on the table. Watching you take a deep breath and exhale with a smirk, he shook his head, this time silently asking “how?” You set your hands atop the stack, rapping your fingers across the top box as you smiled again. 

Smoothing your hands out across the box top, you cleared your throat, “no peeking,”  bringing Bucky’s attention entirely to you. 

“Option number one,” you held up the rectangular shape with severely faded letters across it, “Scrabble, released 1938.” The box very gently met the table, “option number two,” you looked at him attempting not to giggle as you saw him cross his arms over his chest, genuinely listening to you intently, “Sorry! released 1934, Battleship, original pen and paper game,” you clarified, he lifted his eyebrows, impressed, “and last but not least, Monopoly, released 1935.”

“Wow, you uh- you really did your research,” he commented, looking over the stack of authentically vintage boxes.

“Of course,” you shrugged with a smile, “my boyfriend’s 106, if I want to bring back some childhood nostalgia, that requires some research. . . and late hour ebay bidding in our case.”  

He nodded, a faint smile showing, before it faded with his next words, “I hope you didn’t do too much research on me,” he looked up, hand resting on Monopoly.

You calmly slid down into the seat across from him and stared with a kind smile still on your lips, reaching to touch his hand, you stroked your thumb against his knuckles, “I’m more of a first hand account, direct source, kind of girl when it comes to people,” the corner of his mouth tugged into a smile. 

You knew, just not everything, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared to have another living soul know it all quite yet. Luckily, you were someone who seemed to actually understand that.

“Or,” you announced, lifting a pointer finger, as if requesting a pause whilst you went to a nearby drawer, returning with a much smaller box, “we can get really really old school, even for you” the box met the table top, “standard 52 card deck, English edition, circa 1516. . .obviously not original.”

Bucky chuckled, looking to you, tonguing his cheek, before picking up the cards, “I hate to tell you, but that’s just a little before my time,” he squinted at you, teasingly.

Biting your lip, your shoulders shifted with the giggle that came after his comment, “so, come on,” you sat back down, this time with your elbows on the table and hands laced, to support your resting chin on top of them, “what should I beat your butt in?”

“Oh,” Bucky, attempting to appear insulted, began raising his eyebrows, “you think?”

“Yeah,” you laughed your words while looking at his serious face, “I think, better yet, I know.”

“Well, I don’t know where you get your confidence from. You know you are talking to a local senior Bingo night champion,” he shrugged with a head tilt, as if that was supposed to be a big deal.

“Woooow,” you drew out, smiling uncontrollably.

“But,” he sighed, “okay,” he shook his head once, accepting your challenge, “let’s go, you’re on! Monopoly,” he brought the box towards himself as you set the others on the floor next to your chair.

You watched as he picked up the little metal pieces, examining each one individually. There was an expression you’d never seen before, he was remembering something positive from his past. A memory that sparked a smile that you helped bring about. He surveyed the board, with all its bright colours and familiar street names.

“It’s been-” he paused, looking upward, doing the math in his head, “it’s been 85 years since I played this game,” setting each piece he stopped at the boat, laughing to himself, “you know, Steve used to always be the battleship.” 

A soft smile came across your lips, while you watched him remember exactly how to set it up. You picked the Scottie dog and he picked the vintage race car piece.

“Were you always the race car?” you ventured, wanting to know more about his childhood, you knew he didn’t talk about it often.

“Oh,” he glanced to the piece he had just naturally picked up without a thought, “yeah, well, I think,” he gave a quick, but somber smile, before clearing his throat, and actually looking up, “and my sister, whenever she’d actually manage to get mom and dad to let her stay up with us, she’d always be the thimble,” he leaned back in his chair, smiling, “whenever it was her turn to move she’d put it on her finger and hop it down the street names.” He leaned back to the table, “we never made her go to jail, even if she landed on it, Steve would make up some rule that let her skip it.” 

“That’s really sweet of you guys,” you said, looking softly at his smile.

“Yeah,” he swallowed, “but don’t think you can skip jail,” he changed his tone, preferring not to dwell on the past even if it was positive. 

“Don’t think I’ll be visiting,” you smirk confidently, “better watch out for the money man yourself.” 

“Wow, who is this?” he dropped his jaw, “she’s so sarcastic, does Yori know this side of you? Do you sneak jellybeans under the table or something evil like that?”

Laughing, you took your root-beer, “just give me my $1,500 so the smack down can actually begin.”

Two hours later, after a long battle between Boardwalk, control over the railroads, and many, many visits to jail, you sat back, lips quirked, arms across your chest as your little Scottie sat in jail.

“And three thousand, six hundred, and five. . . I’m sorry, but that leaves you,” Bucky set his elbows on the table, wincing at you, “bankrupt.”

“Fine,” you huffed jokingly, giving your best pout,“you win.”

“Aww, c’mon,” Bucky reached out a hand to touch your forearm comfortingly, accompanied by a smile you couldn’t deny.

“You wanna go again?” You offered seriously, resting your hand on top of his tenderly, happy to see him so happy.

“It was really fun, but let’s play something else, this time you pick,” he offered.

Breaking into a smile, you gave a nod, and he asked what you had in mind. It took a moment, you wanted to make this good, and you wanted to see it be a little more of a struggle for him, if you were honest. 

“You know, I know it’s later than your. . .original timeline, but there’s this fantastic game called Twister,” you smirked, perking an eyebrow to ask if he was up for it. 

“Twister?” He repeated you, tilting his head like a confused puppy, “what’s Twister?”

“I’ll show you, but,” you glanced over to your small apartment living room, “we might need to arrange the furniture a little.”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky stood, “I can handle that.” 

Smiling, you stand, “okay, just push it all to one side, I’ll get the game.” 

Ten minutes later, shoeless, you both stood looking over the polka dotted sheet on the floor. Nodding happily to yourself, Bucky shook his head almost in fear. 

“Make sense?” You asked, having just explained the very simple rules, you turned to face him.

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked,” he sighed, shouldering off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch along with his glove, “yeah, it makes sense,” he set his hands on his hips, pondering this new game intently. 

“Okay, you first,” you held up the spinning arrow, and began.

One hand and foot at a time, sometimes struggling to reach the spinner, but you both made it work pretty well. Having kept to one side of the sheet, it came time to get a smidge more twisted.

Bucky managed to keep balanced and spin a green dot with his left arm, conveniently it placed him right over you. As he began to reach for green, he carefully calculated how best to approach the green dot in order to keep his balance. It was a pretty far reach and he’d need to balance himself whilst reaching over you. 

“What’s the matter old man, can’t quite move like you used to?” you shamelessly giggled. 

Raising his eyebrows at your tone, “ohhh, wow,” Bucky said sincerely, finally placing his left arm over you and to a green dot, now above you he tilted his head sassily, “respect your elders.”

His last sentence only made your giggle turn into a genuine laugh. You closed your eyes and threw your head back a little. Admittedly, Bucky thought it was funny too, but he didn’t laugh, he just took in your smile and the sound of your laugh, enjoying every single moment of it.

When you brought your head back up, you were about to respond sassily, but instead you found his lips meeting yours. With a small squeak of surprise, you relaxed into the kiss, glad that he was finally confident enough with you to take a chance now and then. He tasted like vanilla root beer, which mixed wonderfully with the scent of his cologne you were finally close enough to smell. 

It was soft and slow at first, but slowly, with his right hand palming the arch of your back, you eased into his touch, lower back almost meeting the floor as you both sunk down a little. You completely forgot about the game, as you reached your arms around his neck gently. Keeping the kiss close, you felt him hesitate to deepen it, so you gave him a small sign of encouragement, by moving your hand to the side of his neck, naturally bringing him even closer. 

You had no idea how long you’d been there, on that polka dot sheet, but it was such bliss that you didn’t even care. Smiling into the kiss, you felt him smile back. 

Parting, he pressed his forehead to yours, “I win,” he whispered, lips in a smile. 

“What?” was all you could ask, still mesmerised by the kiss. 

Bucky motioned his head to his left arm which happened to have been keeping the two of you steady. . . all the while remaining on the green dot. You dropped your arms from around his neck, to the floor, elbows supporting you as you looked up at him, shaking your head. 

“That does not count, Bucky,” you tried not to smile as he kept his arm as still as possible.

“What? But my hand’s still on green,” he dramatically gestured to it, making you bite your lip to repress a giggle, trying to match his seriousness.

Shoving his chest directly above you, he feigned an ‘ow!’ before you softly pull him closer again.

“If I kiss you are you gonna hit me again?”

You smirk, “I might if you don’t.” 

Bucky smiled, lips almost touching yours, “alright, sorry,” he smiled, voice almost a whisper as his lips brushed against yours, “I’m still learning the rules to this game.”

[fakescenarios-tohelpyousleep]

selfless| ryan atwood

summary| ryan seems to keep getting into trouble revolving around you so you decide to leave orange county, however, ryan has the same mind set.

note| I’m still in season 1 of the O.C. and even though I know Luke leaves and he isn’t really a villain, I need a bad guy for the story so I’m using Luke.

    “Oh my God Y/N!” As the officer help you from the back of the police car, wrapped in blankets, wet and shaking uncontrollably you fall into the first pair of arms to grab you. your boyfriend, ryan atwood. 

When you had decided to attend a private prep school across the country for your junior year, you hadn’t intended to fall for your host families foster son however here you were. apart of the cohen family. 

From the adjacent driveway marissa and summer stood in shock watching as there somewhat friend froze in his arms. And the question raining over everyone mind... what had happened. 

“Y/N, you’re freezing.” Ryan states the obvious as his hold tighten in an attempt to warm her up. As the scene unfolds the lifted truck of marissa’s boyfriend luke pulls up and he moves to marissa’s side, watching in guilt as you practically can’t stand on your own. 

“She needs to get warm as soon as possible, a hot bath and then warm blankets, you need to get her body heat back.” The officer explains to Sandy and Kristen who are at Ryan’s and your side along with Seth, who for a second went to try and help Ryan hold you up however decided against it when he saw the look on his ‘brothers’ face. ‘Will do officer, thank you.” “We’ll be in contact in the morning to learn more about what happened but get her inside first, if her body heat doesn’t go up in the morning, she’ll need to go to the hospital.” 

“Where were you?” Your voice was small and Ryan almost missed it as Sandy removed you from his hold, picking you up to get you into the house quicker. “Y/N what are you talking about?” Ryan questions rushing after Sandy. “The pier, you didn’t come.. Luke he dropped me off-” Ryan had texted you before to cancel as something with Seth had come up and he knew you would understand, however, he now realized that your phone wasn’t on you... You had forgotten it at the house and hadn’t gotten the text. At the mention of Luke his head snaps in the direction of the Cooper house and as he made eye contact, Luke turns away in guilt. Marissa put the piecing together... No, when they arrived to drop you at the pier and Luke offered to walk you to where you were meant to meet Ryan, he didn’t hand you off to Ryan, he had pushed you into the water as a joke... no knowing you couldn’t swim nor that the water was freezing temperatures. 

Even with your consciousness was fading in and out, you were so sensitive to the heat around you that you could feel Ryan’s body moving from besides you. With your remaining strength you reach out to grab a hold of Ryan’s sleeve, stopping him in his tracks. “Ryan don’t.” “Y/N, he could’ve killed you.” He gritted threw his teeth, attempting to keep his anger from boiling over. “Ryan that isn’t important right now, we need to get her inside... Do not go over there.” Sandy voice came out as a threat. He was putting his foot down. They would deal with Luke when you were taken care of, which you weren’t at the moment still shivering in Sandy’s arms. Ryan stops, staring at you and Sandy for a moment, before shaking his head in ‘sorry’ and rushing off down the driveway in the direction of Marissa’s house. “Ryan!” Sandy yells after him, Kristen stepping in quickly. “Sandy we need to get her inside, Seth go with Ryan.” She meditates the situation. She knows well that Seth isn’t going to be able to stop Ryan, however, you needed to get taken inside. Ryan fighting Luke again or you possibly getting hypothermia... hypothermia wins. 

_

“Dropping the charges? Are you being serious Y/N? He could’ve killed you.” Seth was going ballistic that morning at you sat at the kitchen island drinking hot chocolate against your will... you needed something warm and hot chocolate was better than coffee, but still wasn’t your drink of choice. “He didn’t know the water was that cold or that I couldn’t swim plus if I drop the charges against him, he won’t go after Ryan.” You mumble back as you pull the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands, still colder than usual. Seth scoffs looking to his dad for help, who was standing off to the side reading the morning news paper. “Dad, a little help here.” Sandy looks up, “I’ve already tired, Seth.” He replies in defeat and then at the sound of the sliding doors opening, the kitchen falls silent as Ryan enters the kitchen. Ryan’s eyes quickly fall to you, but yours just as quickly fall away suddenly becoming very interested in your mug of hot coco. It was visible that he got into a fight, you often question if he’s truly from Chino because every time he fights with Luke, Luke somehow ends up winning and Ryan comes out with more damage. “I’ll drive today.” Ryan pipes up, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that was waying on the kitchen. “Yes, and we should get going before the pressures of awkwardness crush us all.” Seth jumps at the opportunity. “It’s just gonna be you two today, I have to take Y/N to the doctors.” Sandy explains as Ryan lags waiting for you to join him and Seth. “Doctors? Are you okay?” Ryan’s concern is obvious from his tone. “I’m fine.” You mumble before Sandy speaks again. “It’s just to make sure her body heat is stable and back to normal, nothing serious.” “I’m coming with.” Ryan demands, dropping his backpack from his shoulder. “No you’re not. You’re going to school. After last night you’re lucky you’re even still here.” Sandy snapped, he was right. If Luke pressed charges Ryan would be taken from the Cohen’s and put back in juvie.. and it would’ve been all your fault. 

“Sandy?” The tone of your voice made his head snap in your direction. You sat in the passengers seat as Sandy drove back to the house after the doctors. You were okay, you’ve just caught a small cold and were now on antibiotics. Not to serious. “I wanna go back home. I’ll finish the year back home.” Shock over took Sandy’s face. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Y/N finals are coming up, you’ll have to repeat the whole year if you transfer back now. What about summer, I thought you were staying to go on vacation with us this year? You felt tears form in your eyes and it didn’t go unnoticed to the man sitting besides you. “Ryan could’ve gone to jail last night because of me. Everything bad he’s done since I’ve gotten here as been because of me. I’m not good for him, I’m going to ruin his life. I have to leave.” Sandy signs as he pulls into the driveway of the house you’ve called home for the past year. “You two are insufferable.” He mumbles and you look at him confused, what does he mean by that? Sandy sighs again, debating on weather to tell you or not. “Last night I went to talk to Ryan and he was packing a bag. He was planning on running away last night because he’s ‘causing trouble in your life’, the two of you are selfless with each other. You want to leave because you feel like you cause trouble for him, Ryan thinks the same thing about you Y/N.” Your jaw hung as Sandy spilled the secret from the night before. Ryan was going to give his life up for you. So that you could live a drama free life with the Cohen’s minus him of course. “Why is he such a dumbass?” You seriously ask, which makes Sandy chuckle. “I’m sure he’s say the same thing about you. Y/N, Ryan needs someone like you in his life. I promise I’m not bullshiting you when I say he’s the happiest I’ve seen him since you’ve come here.” “I can’t ruin his life Sandy. Even if someone is happy if someone is ruining everything else in that persons life, the happiest isn’t worth it, is it?” “Y/N, I can’t stop you from leaving, but think on it. At least talk to him.” 

_

“Ryan, can we talk?” Your voice and the knock on his open door spooked him as he laid staring at his ceiling. It wasn’t abnormal for you to come to the pool house at night to see him. It wasn’t abnormal for you to sleep in the pool house with him just like it wasn’t abnormal for him to sleep in your bedroom inside of the main house. In the beginning Kristen and Sandy tried to stop it from happening, however as time progressed and a pregnancy hasn’t occurred it’s just become normal for one of your beds to be empty at night. The sound of your voice had spooked him as you haven’t spoken more than a few sentences to him since his brawl with Luke. “Yeah, totally.” Ryan shot up, sitting on the side of his bed as you closed the door behind you and joined him on the bed with a large space between you. Strange. The two of you are normally attached at the hip while around each other. It wasn’t something you two did on purpose, most of the time you don’t realize you’re as close until it’s pointed out by a third party. Ryan clears his throat, not liking the silence hanging in the air between your two. “Are you alright?” He questioned noticing you still swearing a sweatshirt even in orange county’s early May weather. Then it hits him, jealously at the notice of the sweatshirt being Seth’s. he ignores it, looking away from the sweatshirt and moving to your face. You’re not looking at him and he feels it in his chest. Pain. You finally nod, “Just a cold, I’m on antibiotics for like 2 weeks.” You explain not going into more detail than needed before letting the silence fall again. 

“I might be going back home.” Ryan’s head snaps so face that you’re surprised his neck didn’t break. “What?” “You don’t have to runaway, I’m most likely going back home after final exams.” Ryan was dumbfounded, A by your confession and B by the fact that Sandy told you about his antics. Ryan goes to speak, however he stops himself, shakes his head and changes what he was going to say. Realization hitting him as his conversation with Sandy from the night before spilling into his mind. “We’re being ridiculous.” Confusion covers your face as he continues, “Just the other night you were here saying you were planning on staying in orange county for the next year and now you want to leave just because I fought Luke, who could’ve killed you might I add!” He was now on his feet. Anger and desperation slipping into his tone. “Ryan you could’ve gone to jail because of fighting Luke and that would’ve been my fault! How did you expect me to live with that if that happened?” “You would’ve gone on and been more concentrated on school and go on to continue to live with the Cohen’s-” “If I go back home I’ll be concentrated on school and you wouldn’t have to leave the life you built-” “Y/N you hate your mom!” Silence falls again and regret covers Ryan’s face but he continues with his point, only now talking instead of screaming. “If you go back home you’re not going to go to art school cause your mom won’t let you. You’ve said it before Y/N you’re mother is suffocating, I can’t put you back in that position.” “Ryan all you have is the Cohen’s.-” “They’re all you have too, Y/N.” You both stop speaking and you feel the tears in your eyes again as the realization washes over you. “I have you Ryan, and I need you with me, but I can’t live with the weight that you’re going to put yourself in harms way for me.” Ryan’s face falls as the first tear rolls down your face. “I couldn’t just let him get away with hurting you.” He defends himself again for the millionth time. “I know, but promise me you’ll stop fighting people and stop getting in trouble.” You plead with him and the next moment you’re knocked back as his body collides with your and his arms wrap around you so tightly you almost can’t breath. “I will, just, stay.” 

The next morning you followed Ryan hand-in-hand into the kitchen where the Cohen’s all resided, and all stopped dead in their tracks upon you both entering. “Well good morning you too.” Seth says as he notices his parents shocked expressions. The glares sent by you both make Seth uncomfortably turn away to face his parents. “How do they do that? One glare and you perfectly understand. Witchcraft I tell you.” He whispers to them making both parents chuckle before he excuses himself from the kitchen, attention turning back to you and Ryan. “So y/n,” Sandy begins already knowing the reply to his next statement. “We have a meeting today with the dean about transferring your credits back home-” “No need.” Was all you said, stealing a glance at Ryan which he return, a smile on his face in gratefulness and happiness as you both turn back to your breakfast in silence. Sandy grinning from ear to ear... his house was back to normal. 

[just-my-fandom]

Rocky Road P8 (JJ Maybank x Routledge! Reader)

Part 8

Summary; Reader and JJ make up. After going fishing with Ward, John B reveals the truth suddenly to the reader about their father. The chief is now dead. John B and Sarah run away.

Warning(s); Mentions of death, mentions of getting sick (vomit)

A/N; PLEASE READ. There’s a lot of scenes I really didn’t feel like writing, such as the whole death of the chief, etc. So, I combined episodes 8, 9, and 10 together. So technically, this is the last part. But I will include an epilogue

Taglist; @bibliophilewednesday @sexualparkour @jjpouggues @poguestyle17

“So we’re okay?”

It’s the morning after. You and JJ sit on opposite edges of the hot tub, legs knee deep in the warm water.

“Yeah,” Your lips tilt in a small smile, JJs arms propped on his knees as his hands take your own, “Only if you promise to stop acting psycho,”

“Oh, totally,” JJ nods, releasing one of your hands to run it through his hair, “If me getting super drunk and having a terrible hang over last night doesn’t change me, then I don’t know what will,”

“J,” You warn, JJ huffing a short laugh before he nods, leaning forward so your faces were nearly inches apart,

“I promise,” He murmurs, raising his hand to cup the back of your neck and pull your lips against his, “Because I love you. And I’m not going to let my stupidity make me lose you,”

“Good,” You hum, raising your own hands to his hair, his body leaning forward enough to where he steps into the hot tub, arms wrapping around your waist,

But before he can pull you into the water yourself, Kiaras call to your brother causes you to pull away and look over your shoulder, JJ looking around you to watch as John B stomped across the yard of your home with a stone look on his face,

“John?” You call as Kiara did, sliding off the edge of the hot tub to slide on your flats, watching your twin brother move inside the Chateau, “JB,”

“Uh, what’s that all about?” Pope asks, as you shrug and move up the steps to the front porch, pausing as John B desperately searched for something,

“You all right, man?” Pope questions, “What’s up?”

“What’re you looking for?” Kiara rushes, irritated at the silence your brother gave to the group,

You watch as John B pulls the hand gun from under the couch cushions, “John B, what do you need the gun for?”

“Talk to us-,” JJ demands, and you move forward as soon as John B shoves JJ away, onto the pull out mattress,

“John B, what the fuck are you doing?” You shout, moving after John Bs retreating form to the backyard, “If you’re still mad at JJ from yesterday, we’re fine! We made up!”

“I don’t give a damn about the two of you,” John B grumbles, and you pause to watch him climb on JJs motorbike,

“Dude!” JJ shouts, John B finally turning with an angry snarl,

“Ward knows about the gold!” He shouts, and you huff a breath, heart nearly stopping at his next words, “He killed dad,”

“What?” You whisper, JJ quick to move up to you as John B sped away, JJs hand at your upper arm.

Your eyes leave John Bs retreating figure to look at JJ, hand resting at your stomach as you watched JJs mouth move, but no words were heard,

“Baby,” JJ calls, lifting a hand to caress your face as you swallow, thickly, “Hey, hey. Look at me,”

Quickly, you shake your head, exhaling sharply as Kiara moved up next to JJ, “She’s going to be sick-,” Kiara and Pope watch, alarmed, as you duck behind the parked van, JJs hand running down your back as you cough, violently,

“Hey, alright,” JJ murmurs, pulling you into him as his gaze shifts up to his other friends, watching Pope run a hand over his head and look in the distance where John B had left.

“Okay, I’ve never seen John B like that. We should honestly be going to the cops,” Kiara speaks from her spot at the front end of the HMS Pogue, your brows pinched as you look at her,

“And what would we say, Kie? Ward Cameron killed Big John? They’re going to think it’s some- fucking grieving mechanism for me and John B,” You huff, face hot and eyes puffy,

“They’re not gonna believe us if we tell them anything revolving Ward,” JJ states, and Pope raises his goggles,

“Hey, I see Ward,”

“I don’t know if I should be glad he’s alive for John Bs sake or not,” You mutter, tossing a rock that was in the boat into the water,

“Looks alive to me. Let’s go,” Pope orders, and you look up in confusion,

“Wait. What?”

“Obviously Mr. Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn’t now, okay?” Pope shakes his head, “Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours,”

“Yeah, well, our friend is in trouble,” Kiara states, Pope shrugging his shoulders,

“I’m in trouble! Guys, I haven’t been home in three days. My dads probably put all my shit on the street by now,”

“So, you’re just gonna bail?” Kiara asks, and you look at JJ with pinched brows so the blonde moves up, protectively, “This is about friendship, this is about Pogues for life!”

“Where were you when Big John went missing? Huh?” Pope hisses, your eyes watching as Kiara glanced at you, “You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B, or Y/N,”

“Guys,” You plea, pressing yourself into JJs front, “Kie, just let him go home,”

“No, I want her to remember,” Pope snarls, finger jabbing at Kiara, “Remember your kook year? You forgot about us. Y/N lost her best friend. Her dad goes missing and you werent there for her,”

“Give me a break!” Kiara demands, shoving Popes front so Pope shoved her back, JJ quick to release you and move between his two friends,

“Guys, cut it out!” JJ orders, your arms wrapping around yourself as you blink away the burn in your eyes, “If I’m the one mediating then we’ve hit rock bottom,”

“Let’s just go home,” You murmur, JJ looking at you as you move to the wheel of the boat,

“I’ve got it,” JJ soothes, pointing to the front end of the boat where Pope departed to. “Pope, we’ll drop you off,”

You inhale a deep, slow breath, raising your hand to rub at your eye in exhaustion.

“John B, you have to go,” You stare at your twin brother. Peterkin was dead. John B was framed for her murder. “I’m sorry I was such an ass. To you, and to Sarah, but I can’t let you go to jail, for a murder you didn’t commit,”

“You weren’t an ass,” John B forces himself to chuckle, attempting to pull a smile to your face. He fails. “You were being a protective, annoying sister,”

You huff your own laugh, licking your lips, “I’m serious, John. Get Sarah, and go,”

John Bs movements are swift. His arms slide around you in an embrace, tightening around you when hearing your sniffle.

“I love you sis,” He mutters, “Seriously,”

You lean back, hitting his chest, “I love you too. Dick,”

You step away, watching John B step onto the boat JJ lended to John B. “Remember dude,” JJ steps up, arm sliding across your shoulders, “Brownsville. We’ll see you in Mexico in two months,”

“Got it,” John B smiles, watching you slide your arm behind JJs back and take his hand with your free, “Take care of her, JJ,” JJ glances down at you, “I mean it,”

The boat pulls off with a heave. Your eyes blur, looking up at JJ with a smile that matched his.

“Hands up!”

Twirling around, you barely catch a glimpse of Shoupe raising his gun before JJ pushes you behind him. In unison, the group of four raise their hands, your eyes wide,

“Where the hell is he?” Shoupe asks, roughly, “Where the hell is he?!”

“JJ,” He continues, “I see you’re living up to your name. Pope? How about you? This isn’t a fucking game!” Shoupe eyes shift to yours, “Your father would be really disappointed in you young lady,”

“Dont ever bring up my father,” You step up, one of JJs arms dropping to grasp your waist, but immediately pulls it back when Shoupe pins your hands behind your back.

“Let’s fucking go,”

“Sit down. Don’t move,” You look up from your spot inside the tent. Cops, everywhere. You felt sick again.

JJs hand takes yours, squeezing enough to guide your attention to him, where his blue eyes meet your own. JJ shifts your intertwined hands to his lap, thumb brushing across the back of your hand.

You flinch at the rough crack of thunder.

“We lost them,” Shoupe mutters, almost as soon as your ears began to ring. Like the day prior, you see everyone’s mouths moving, but no words.

Except JJ. “What do you mean you lost them?” JJs hand leaves yours as he stands, and you suddenly zone back in, “You had them on radio!”

“The storm cut out their signal,” Shoupe sighs, dropping the talkie in his hand. His head shakes, “We lost them,”

JJ is first to turn to you. Just as quick, your ears begin to ring, not hearing him call out to you. Lost them. Lost, as in, dead? Like Big John?

“Baby,” JJ tries, again, the large group watching as he knelt in front of where you still sat and raised his hands to your face, “Hey, can you hear me?”

JJ is forced to watch as you gasp in a deep breath. With a shattered sob, you nearly fall forward, JJs arms quick to catch you and pull you up into his arms.

“He didn’t do it,” You heave, eyes wide despite the tears that blocked your vision, “He didn’t- didn’t kill anyone,”

JJs arms tighten around you, before he slides his hands back to your face a second time, thumbs attempting to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Forehead against yours, he exhales a shuddered breath as you began to break down.

“Sweetheart-,” Kiaras mom barely leans away from Kiara to extend her hand to you, your head shaking as your eyes finally pinch shut in defeat,

“No,” You whisper, JJs own face crumbling, “No, no. JJ-?”

JJs arms slide around your shoulders, ducking his nose into your hair as your own grab at his button up, feeling Kiaras mom press herself behind you in another wall of comfort.

First Big John. Now, John B and Sarah?

A/N; Well that ended like shit, lol. Again, yes. I did skip a lot of scenes revolving the last three episodes. But honestly? They were unnecessary. But leave ALL feedback as you can, and I hope, pray that you enjoyed this story. It’s been a pleasure.

[cdt12345]

We've been friends many years but I've never thought to ask; Top 10 gay OTPs?

1.) Ian & Mickey (Gallavich) - Shameless us

What can I say about these two that we haven’t already said about them?! They are my absolute all-time favorite couple ever! Gay or straight. They perfectly complement each other, they love each other on a level I feel like I’ve never seen before (and I have watched a lot of tv/movies), they’re like a comedy duo, they support each other, understand each other better than anyone else ever will, they fell in love as kids, they bring out the best in each other, and they’re each other's best friend. I’m a sucker for opposites attract, who are also best friends. Gallavich really fits that bill. I wish they didn’t have to struggle so much to get their happiness, but I’m happy they finally got it. When they got married, it felt like the biggest victory ever! We went through those years of struggle with them, rooted for them, mourned for them when John Wells let Noel go after season 5. So much has tried to keep these two apart, even real-life circumstances tried to keep them apart. The chemistry between these two characters and between Cameron and Noel was so powerful, they were brought back to the show. That kind of thing doesn’t happen very often. When an actor leaves a show, they don’t usually come back as a series regular, let alone two actors who have already left the show. It felt like a miracle! I will never forget getting the news that Noel was coming back from you @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog I was crying with happiness bc we wanted this for so long and I never believed we would get to see both Cameron and Noel back on the show. Or that they would get their happy ending outside of a jail cell. Especially after Cameron left the show in season 9. With their return we got a wedding, an entire season of them as a married couple, we got to see them dance with each other twice, we got them singing together, we got to see them start a lucrative business together, we got to see them free and happier than we’ve ever seen them before, and we got to see Terry get what he deserved after putting them through hell. We are only halfway through season 11, but I already feel so fulfilled with this extra time with gallavich that we were never supposed to have. JW tried to take that away from us. I will never understand why, but he failed. I am not surprised this is the one I wrote the most about. I can go on and on about gallavich!

2.) David and Patrick - Schitt’s Creek

This was everything I ever wanted to see onscreen, where there was zero homophobia. The pansexual character didn’t need to have a big coming out or tell everyone in the town of his sexual orientation, except his best friend. The gay character had a coming out with parents who loved and accepted him for who he is and was only upset that he felt he couldn’t tell them sooner. I dreamt of a day where I could see this kind of representation onscreen. The casual treatment of their sexuality was so refreshing and something I’ve been waiting for. There is no darkness or huge struggle they had to overcome to be together or a sad ending for them. They were allowed to be together without the major conflicts most LGBTQ characters have to go through. Once David made the first move Patrick was comfortable allowing himself to fall for David and start a relationship with him. He was so sure of his feelings for David after that first kiss, he never looked back and I loved that. They had such an adorable love story. Truly one I have been waiting to see for so long between two LGBTQ characters. They made me smile every time they were on screen. They are another of my OTPs that are exact opposites who complement each other perfectly. Patrick was welcomed into David’s family and blended in with them so well, even when he and David had very different upbringings. Patrick serenading David with Tina Turner and then Mariah Carey at their wedding is one of the most romantic things I have ever seen!

3.) Holt and Kevin - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt and Kevin are strange men on their own but together they are the perfect pair. They get each other in a way no one else does. The best part is their adorable fur baby, Cheddar! They seriously make the cutest family! I was so nervous when they went through a rough patch for a while because I didn’t want them to split up. Thankfully, they made it through and are still going strong!

4.) Will and Vince - Will & Grace

On the show's first run, Will and Vince were in a serious relationship and Vince was Will’s longest relationship on the show. They broke up a few times but were together by the series finale. The two reunite during the funeral of Will's father. There was a time jump on the series finale. Though I didn’t love everything about the last episode, I did love the fact that Will and Vince had been together for 20 years and raised a son together, who was conceived through in vitro fertilization with a surrogate. After the time jump, nearly twenty years later, their son goes to college and meets Grace's daughter, whom he would eventually marry. Though I wasn’t happy with the fact that Will and Grace didn’t stay close over the years, it did allow for their kids to one day meet, fall in love, and get married. I did like that outcome out of the finale. My family and I used to watch the original show, but we refused to accept or watch the 2017 revival because they completely changed everything from the original series finale. The second I found out they were changing everything; I knew I couldn’t watch it. They even wiped the existence of their kids from the first series finale. The revival was an attempt to cash in on the reboot craze and I wasn’t happy about that already, but even more so when they were going to break up one of my OTPs for easy money. Bobby Cannavale, who played Vince, has become even more famous since starring in Will & Grace. So, I already figured he wouldn’t be back for the show as a regular, but I know he did guest star. I won’t accept the revival and to me, Will and Vince stayed together, and their son married Grace’s daughter. THE END!

5.) Albert and Armand - The Birdcage

Miss Albert and Armand were the earliest gay couple I remember ever watching onscreen when I was eight years old. I have watched this movie more than I can count over the years. It is a family favorite that we quote often. Their son is planning to marry a girl whose father is in politics and is very conservative. They have to hide the fact that he has two gay fathers for one night, but everything goes awry, and comedy ensues. Nathan Lane and Robin Williams give a wonderful performance without resorting to using the stereotypes that are often used on gay characters, especially back then. It’s a classic!

6.) Stefon and Seth - Saturday Night Live

Okay, hear me out on this one! They’re not the most conventional OTPs on my list, but I really do love them so much! Stefon started doing a correspondent segment on Weekend Update on SNL. The first time Stefon came on, he flirted with Seth Meyers. The second he did I was like ooh they would make a cute couple! Stefon the wild party guy and Seth the serious news anchor. It was a match made in heaven for me. Before Seth Meyers left SNL to do Late Night with Seth Meyers, Bill Hader came back to play Stefon for Seth’s last episode. I didn’t expect what happened next to happen at all! They gave Seth and Stefon the ending that I haven’t even gotten from some actual scripted shows. I never expected Stefon and Seth to have this big ending, but I could not be happier that they did. I’m posting the link to the six-minute skit/ending and I hope it works. It’s worth watching. Though the video says it’s Stefon’s farewell it was really Seth’s farewell episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-wYWMdWNk

7.) Mr. Simmons and Peter - Hey Arnold!

Anyone who grew up watching this show already knew that Mr. Simmons, Arnold’s teacher, was probably gay. It was hinted at in the Thanksgiving episode. Arnold and Helga visit Mr. Simmons on Thanksgiving at his house and his family and “friend” Peter are there. Mr. Simmons mother says she didn’t know Peter was coming to dinner and Peter responds with the infamous line “There’s a lot of things you don’t know.” When Mr. Simmons mom tries to get him to take a woman friend to the ballet, he says he loves the ballet and Peter gives him a disapproving look and Mr. Simmons immediately declines. Those were enough hints for us fans to decide Peter was his boyfriend. Years later, the show's creator Craig Bartlett finally confirmed Mr. Simmons is gay and had them together in the 2017 Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. It was so exciting to finally get the confirmation years later, even though I was already certain of it for many years. I was happy that the cartoon no longer had to settle with vague hints about it.

8.) Callie and Arizona - Grey’s Anatomy

I was very happy to see a lesbian couple on prime time tv and I really liked both characters. I was excited to root for them but sadly as most couples on this show, their relationship took a turn, and I wasn’t thrilled about it. I was disappointed that it came to an end. By then I was already getting tired of watching the show. It was starting to feel like a chore to watch it every week. I tried to stick it out because I don’t like to give up on shows in the middle of it, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m glad I did though because the shocking events with Derek Shepard, is something I’m glad I wasn’t around for. Anyway, I heard things between Callie and Arizona got even worse, so I was even happier I left when I did.

9.) Sherwin and Jonathan - In a Heartbeat

This was one of the cutest things I have ever seen! I wish this got the full-length movie treatment instead of a short film. But it was still a step in the right direction for the LGBTQ community. Gay characters in cartoons always bring me such joy and that was the focus of this short. A boy with a crush on another boy with a cute ending. What is not to love?!

10.) Mitch and Cam - Modern Family

Another show I had to give up on in the middle of the series. The show began to be less funny and more annoying to me. Another reason, that really has nothing to do with the show itself, that used to annoy me was that this show repeatedly beat out Parks and Recreation during award season. Parks and Recreation is a superior show when compared to Modern Family. This show won almost every year for years and it got really annoying especially when the quality of the show started slipping and they kept winning. After a few years, they finally stopped winning all the time. But before all that, I was a fan of Cam and Mitch. They were a great couple who I loved watching on the show. They were the best part of the show most of the time. But sadly, my annoyance of the show no longer being as funny as it used to be, was enough for me to stop watching.

[the-final-sif]

Now, for the fake quarantine dating au aka the Fuyumi has gone feral au, we’ve now got 3/4 todoroki siblings hanging around the league of villains. Obviously this can only go well. Incorporating some lovely suggestions I got in here.

Fuyumi is now on quite good terms with most of the league. She’s practically adopted Toga as her new younger sister. Because really, the girl is quite sweet when she’s not stabbing people and she’s still a teenager. Fuyumi is a really good influence on Toga and while there’s obviously a lot of things she can’t help with, she’s able to at least get Toga to be better about consent and stalking.

Twice & Fuyumi become super close, at first just because Twice is keeping an eye on her to make sure she’s not taking information she’s not supposed to, but it quickly becomes a regular friendship. Twice is extremely supportive of Fuyumi and honestly he’s just so happy to be helpful that Fuyumi can’t help but like him.

She’s so used to being in a caretaker/helper role, that Twice being so eager to help her out is unfamiliar to her, but honestly a godsend at the same time. Twice helps her manage the new extra workload of being a villain, and encourages her to keep going when she starts worrying that she’ll never find Touya.

I should mention in here that the league is actually the paranormal liberation front by this point, and Skeptic/Re-Destro/the others are hanging around, and at the very least Skeptic and Re-Destro are aware of who Fuyumi is and why she’s here/that she’s not really a villain, but honestly they’re just so relieved that there’s an Adult that Tomura and the others will listen to and who seems to actually know what’s she’s doing, so they’re keeping their mouths shut.

There’s probably a good month in here where Fuyumi suspects that Geten might be Touya who got quirk swapped by AFO, but eventually that theory gets disproved, putting her back at square one.

Under Fuyumi’s guidance, the league rescues Kurogiri from jail (although none of the core members are aware of his status), so now they have two Real Adults around, which is great.

Tomura is extremely happy to have his foster father back. Kurogiri is so proud of the progress he’s made while he was gone (and he 100% pulls Fuyumi aside privately to thank her for getting Tomura to dress respectably), and the two of them have a genuinely nice reunion.

One problem: Tomura now has now been dating Natsuo for a month, has caught Serious Feelings, but nobody knows about any of this and Tomura doesn’t even know how to go about telling anyone, let alone Kurogiri.

It doesn’t help that 1) since he accidentally told Natsuo his old name, Tenko, he then had to tell Natsuo that he’s still in the closest and ask him not to mention him to anyone by name to stop that from getting out. 2) Natsuo has no idea that he’s a villain, let alone the leader of the league of villains, because for obvious reasons, Tomura doesn’t think that will go over well.

He doesn’t want to lie to his boyfriend, but he doesn’t know how to tell the truth either. There’s so many things he can’t say, and even though he’s mostly just been avoiding answering certain questions, it’s still weighing on him.

All of which comes to a head one evening when the two of them are lying in bed, not doing much besides cuddling, something that is still extremely foreign to Tomura and which makes him a bit nervous, even with special gloves on. Maybe it’s how undemanding Natsuo is for answers, or maybe it’s because getting Kurogiri back has made Tomura more brave, or maybe it’s just that he’s kept secrets for too long, but regardless, Tomura’s the one who breaks the silence.

“I feel like- I- There’s things you should know. About me. That I haven’t told you. That I need to tell you. But-” And he doesn’t even know where he was going with that, because he can’t tell Natsuo, but god he needs to.

“Hey, hey, hey, easy.” Natsuo has a grin on his face, softer than his normal one but every bit as bright. “It’s okay. I mean, if there’s things you want to tell me, than I’m happy to listen, but you don’t owe me answers or anything. I get it. Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet. If you’re not ready to tell me yet, that’s just fine.”

God, he was so nice and Tomura wanted nothing more than to take him up on that, but all the same he knows that Natsuo wouldn’t be saying that if he knew.

“I want you to know, but I also don’t. Because it’ll change things. Don’t try to say it won’t. I know it will. There’s no way it won’t. And you deserve to know about it, but I don’t know how to tell you. I want you to know, but I like things how they are too and I don’t want them to change.”

Natsuo’s quiet for a moment, clearly considering before his fingers come up to gently stroke through Tomura’s hair, and fuck if that doesn’t help him calm down.

“Okay. I get that. It’s still okay if you aren’t ready yet though. If it makes you feel any better, there’s stuff I haven’t told you either, for the same reason. I like what we have now, and I don’t want to lose it. But hey even if knowing more about each other will change things, that doesn’t mean it’ll be worse. Just different. Change can be good too. Who knows.”

Again, it takes a lot for Tomura not to interrupt and say he knows this won’t be a good change. But he manages. He doesn’t manage to find any other words to say though, too busy wondering what secrets someone as kind as Natsuo could possible have. 

“Tell you what, I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest anyways, so how about I go first? Then if you feel like telling me your stuff, you can, or we can just save it for another night. Okay?”

Tomura nods, because that sounds nice, and who knows, maybe he’ll get lucky and Natsuo will reveal that he’s a villain too or something.

“Alright, here goes; the reason I haven’t told you my last name is because it’s Todoroki. And yes, it is the Todoroki you’re thinking of. Endeavor’s my father, and Shouto Todoroki, from the UA sports festival and stuff, that’s my younger brother.”

Oh god fucking damn it.

Suddenly, Tomura’s brain helpfully supplies him with a few facts.

He has, while not directly tried to kill Natsuo’s (and Fuyumi’s???) father, enabled Dabi to attempt something of that scale.

Wait, doesn’t Dabi have a grudge against that guy? It’d always been a bit weird to Tomura, but he hadn’t really questioned it. Not until now. That’s going to be a major problem.

“I didn’t tell you for a few reasons. One, I didn’t want you to like me or not like me because of him. Two, I noticed you were kinda jumpy about hero stuff and I didn’t want to scare you off, and three, my relationship with him is kinda... complicated. Definitely not great. It’s got to do with a lot of things, but Touya’s a pretty big part of it all.”

It takes everything in Tomura’s body to hold back his instinctive responses of ‘Do you want me to kill him for you?’, because at this point he doesn’t want to make that offer unless he means it, and he might mean it soon. Depending on a few things. He let’s his gut guide his tongue instead.

“You’re brother’s pretty important to you, huh?”

Natsuo laughs, and it’s something soft and bittersweet, but fond. Still so very fond.

“Yeah, I mean, both of them are. But Touya was my older brother. He was always looking out for me. He was a pretty sickly kid, but he had a fire in him like nobody I’ve ever met. Literally and metaphorically. I still remember how some older kids tried to pick on me after school- it must’ve been ten years ago now- he was so tiny back them, but that didn’t stop him. They weren’t taking him seriously, one of them asked him what he planned to do against them when he wasn’t even up to their shoulders.”

This time Natsuo’s smile is more fond, lost in memories. Something about this is causing ideas to connect in Tomura’s brain, and he knows it’s heading towards something, but he’s scared to get there. Why though?

“Touya looked the guy right in the eye said ‘This’, and without blinking or even changing his expression, just with a little flick of his hand, he sent a wave of flames across the ground. Before they could do anything, he melted their shoes in place so they couldn’t do anything. Then, while they were panicking about it, he got his big creepy grin on his face. The kid who’d been leading them looked up and I think he almost fainted out of fear when he realized that he couldn’t fight back or get away. He apologized real after after that, promised they’d never do it again, and Touya said they better not, or next time it wouldn’t be their shoes that he melted. Then he turned on his heel, grabbed my hand and walked me all the way back home. I never got picked on again after that. But that was Touya for you, nothing ever scared him.”

Vividly, a memory flashes in front of Tomura’s eyes of some low level grunt getting in Dabi’s face. The guy had been getting a bit too friendly with Toga while she was still recovering from her eye injury. She was on pain meds at the time, and honestly Tomura had been about to decay the guy where he stood when Dabi stepped in and told him to back off. Apparently the guy thought he was hot shit because he asked why he should.

The very next second, blue flames had erupted and the guy was stuck in place, bound by his own shoes and helpless to do anything but simper out apologizes as those flames hovered around him, the smell of burning flesh hitting the air. Tomura hadn’t heard what Dabi had said, but he’d heard the rumors afterwards. ‘Next time, my flames will be burning a whole lot more than just your feet. Got it?’.

He hadn’t actually burned the guy’s feet off all the way, but it was enough to leave scars as a reminder.

Tomura had wondered many a time what Dabi was like when he was younger. Before he was Dabi.

It was almost funny, to find out that he’d always been like this. At least on some level.

Years of training was the only reason Tomura managed to keep a straight face and his voice somewhat even.

“Sounds like he was a pretty good brother.”

“Yeah. He really was. I miss him so much. All of us do. I know Fuyumi told you guys that she’s thinks he’s still out there, I don’t know if I believe that or not, but I don’t really have the heart to tell her to let it go. I probably should. It’s been years. I just... I just really like to think he’s still out there somewhere. I’d give almost anything to get him back, if I could, so I can hardly blame her for looking for him.”

Silence for a moment.

“Sorry, that’s kinda a lot to dump on you- I don’t really talk about him a lot these days.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I- I get it. My family- some of them anyways- it’s not the exact same, but it’s similar. I miss them a lot too. And-”

Tomura wanted to tell him the truth, but fuck, he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to tell his boyfriend that his brother was alive, had been this entire time, even now looked out for them because now that he was thinking about it, fuck, no wonder Dabi had been avoiding Fuyumi even while he vouched for her. But-

But it wasn’t his place to. That wasn’t his secret to share.

“-who knows, I can’t say I’m one to believe in miracles, but they do happen sometimes.”

Fuck that sounded sappy. It made Natsuo grin though, bright and wide, and so it was worth it. Worth the guilt that settled in Tomura’s chest, for all the things he couldn’t say yet.

Biting his bottom lip, Tomura decided to switch topics, meandering back to far lighter discussions of new games coming out soon. He’d wanted to tell Natsuo everything- but not tonight.

There was someone else he had to talk to first.

[nicb0723]

Find Your Worth

On Ao3 Find Your Worth

John Wick x Reader

Summary: You meet John in an unconventional way.

Notes: Depression trigger warning and mention/thoughts of suicide 

Word Count: 9,279

Chapter 1

This is a pretty lake.  

You probably should take the time to come here more. There are sailboats in the distance and kids swinging at the playground on the other side of the blue water.

It’s pretty here.

It was pretty here. It was a pretty lake. You correct your own thinking, your own thoughts absentmindedly. You’ve been doing that a lot lately. You probably should have taken the time to come here more.

The picnic table you picked is far away from everyone else, like a private little island, except you can hear echoes of laughter and screams of fun as families splash in the water. The wood is hard under your ass and your feet tap on the bench as you wait, trying to be patient. The sun is hot on your back even as it slowly starts its descent in the late afternoon. The sun will be out for a few more hours. It’s two days before the Fourth of July and it’s been really hot, the days are long and nights short.

This would be a pretty place to watch the fireworks.

You breathe in deep, knowing that you probably won’t see any fireworks this year and that’s okay. You’ve made peace with it.

The sound of tires on gravel startle you out of your thoughts and chills run down your spine. This is it. Your skin tightens with anxiety but you’ve come this far. You’ve made your choice.

Steady, confident footsteps follow the car door opening and closing. The rocks under their shoes crunch loudly and the pace is slower as they approach your back. You don’t really want to turn and see whoever it is, but this is the last hard part. Everything else will be easy after this. It’ll be done.

They don’t say anything so you push your sunglasses up over your hair and rub down your face, fingers pressing hard over your temples. You’ve got a headache again. The dull pain gives you enough of a reason to turn your head and nod a hello towards the stranger.

The sun is behind the tall man, making you squint and you have no idea what to say. Maybe he’ll say something first but you wait a few beats and you know that won’t happen. He’s just standing there, looking at you. From your quick glance, you see that he has dark hair slicked back and his body is slim. He’s wearing far too many clothes for this heat, dress slacks and a turtleneck. Maybe he works in the city? Maybe this is his second job?

“Are you him?” Your voice doesn’t sound shaky like you thought it would. You’re slightly proud of yourself for that.

His voice, even though he spoke just one word, makes you shiver. “Yeah.”

“Okay great, um, hello.” You say awkwardly as you shift your body around to fully face him. He steps towards you slowly, coming more into view and his brown eyes are narrowed at yours. His strides are long and his arms carry a lot of strength, his hands and fingers twitch like they’re ready to pounce at any sudden movement. Maybe he’s military? No, but maybe he’s retired because he has long hair and a beard that probably wouldn’t be allowed. It really looks good on him though.

Whoever this man is, it’s not what you were expecting.

At all.

“Thanks for coming.” And now your voice does shake a little because this is a scary thing you’re about to do and suddenly your throat is dry. Did you really decide to do this?

He doesn’t say anything and continues his intense gaze. His eyes finally flicker down your body, it’s nothing but a quick assessment. He nods for you to continue and you sigh deeply. It’s now or never.

“Yeah okay, so I’m assuming you know why I called you?” You didn’t really call, you left a message with a homeless man in the city, who somehow had text you this location, time and day to meet.

He comes even closer and the sunlight shines over his face briefly until he’s in the shade. You wonder how old he is because his skin is smooth, except for the fading scab of blood on his forehead. “I understand you need a hitman.”

Oh, god. He seriously just said it outloud. Like it was nothing.

You clear your throat and sweat breaks over your skin. “Yeah. Yes, that’s right.”

He almost looks disappointed or concerned, you can’t really tell.

“For who?” He asks easily.

“Well, um. Can you tell me how much it’ll be first? I’m kinda curious.” You half heartedly chuckle at your own stupidity. What an amatuear.

“No.” He keeps his stare sharply trained on you, but something tells you that he really doesn’t want to be here, like you’re wasting his time with this. Like this is below him. “Tell me who.”

Moment of truth right here. You close your eyes, take a deep breath of air and face towards the water again. As you open your eyes you barely whisper, “Me.”

Silence. You figured as much. It’s probably not often a hitman gets hired to take out the person who hired him.

“Excuse me?” He asks incredulously.

You look at him again, this tall, dark, handsome stranger who might be the last person you’ll ever see again. “I said... me.”

“You?”

“Yes, me.”

His eyes drop in confusion and he shakes his head, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. When he looks back at you they’re no longer calculating. You hadn't realized he was reading you until now, now that he looks at you with confusion and worry. “Why would you want that?” He finally asks and it startles a bitter laugh out of you.

“Why? I don’t think you want to know. You’d be here all night. Will you do it?”

For a second you think he’s going to say no and your mind races with what you’ll do. How the hell will you find another hitman?

“Tell me why.”

You think about avoiding the question again but he kind of scares you. So what if he knows? It couldn’t possibly hurt anything for him to hear about your depressing life, a life you so desperately want out of. “Why? Okay… well, let’s see...” You want to know his name at least and you raise your eyebrow in question.

He realizes what you want and he says his name, like he’s surprised you somehow don’t already know it. “John.” He says slowly, and it seems like he rarely has to introduce himself.

“Okay, John.” That’s probably not even his real name but it’ll do and you don’t really care. You rub your fingers across your temple again. The ache is starting to spread and you just want this conversation over with as soon as possible. “My grandmother just died. She was the only family I had left.” You pause and look over at John, but he’s just waiting. “She was in the hospital for almost a year. And in hospice for almost two years before that.”

Grandma was a fighter, that was for sure and you savored every single minute you could have with her. But...

“Do you have any idea how expensive hospital bills are? Funeral bills?” You don’t bother to wait for an answer, but you do see John look down, like he did know something about it. “I’ll have to pay for years, which would be fine but see I have a real shitty job. Doesn’t pay a lot at the local gas station.” You don’t add that it was the only job you could find that worked nights and let you be with grandma during visiting hours.

“And not only is working at the gas station bad enough, I have an even shitter boss. He likes to harass me, John. You know anything about getting your ass grabbed on a daily basis?”

No. You thought not. John is looking at you intently now.

“I’d quit but I have no real skills. I barely graduated high school. I love her, but taking care of grandma was a full time job and we didn’t have money for help. I thought I could afford the hospice but…”

You just couldn’t. You were in way over your head. No one taught an 18 year old how to take care of a dying guardian. No one taught you about credit cards and loans and interest and bankers taking advantage of you for years after you graduated. And now, over a decade later you’re still paying for every mistake.

Sighing, you shift towards John and let your legs dangle off the table. “Anyway, my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, gets out of jail in a month.”

He looks at you expectedly.

“Oh I put him in there too. Domestic abuse and stuff, you know, the usual.” You cross your arms over your chest in a weak attempt to protect yourself. “So, if you don’t do this I’m sure he’ll find me and I’ll be tied up in a basement somewhere.” You bat your eyelashes, trying for some guilt. “You wouldn’t want that would you, John?”

He doesn’t speak after hearing you spill problems that a normal person could probably handle, but you’re tired. Oh yes. You forgot to mention that. “And I live across the tracks there.” You point out west, towards the bad part of town. “My apartment sucks and I haven’t slept in two years. Like, real sleep, ya know?”

Obviously he doesn't because John still doesn’t say anything. “The sink drips at night and keeps me awake. Drip. Drip. Drip.” You can hear the sound of the water splashing in your bathroom sink as you talk about it. The annoying sound that you’re now obsessed with because it repeats in your head over and over and over again for hours. All. Night. Long. Driving you insane.

“I can’t afford a repair man and the apartment manager could care less. So I don’t sleep. Well, sometimes I did while I was at the hospital with grandma, in a chair. Oh, and there's the dog across the alleyway from my living room that barks during the day too, so that’s nice.”

John is watching you squeeze at the back of your neck now, trying to ease some of the tension pulsing there. You don’t mention the chronic pain that your body is in and how your stomach hurts because of all the pain killers you take. You don’t mention that your car is crap and will probably die soon. You don’t tell him about your parents. You skip the part about being severely depressed. You don’t tell him about a lot.

“So, will you do it?” You ask again.

John pauses and opens his mouth but nothing comes out. You think for sure he’ll say no, but then you remember that this is his actual job and he needs money, right? He can’t really say no. You could go to the police and turn him in. You could threaten him… well, you could try to. You look him up and down again. Maybe.

“Um.” He starts off slowly. “I guess… why don’t you know, just do it yourself?”

Oh. You didn’t really think he’d care about that and you weren’t expecting to provide an explanation. “Are you a religious man, John?”

He shrugs and looks at the silver cross you wear around your neck. “Then you would know I can’t do it myself. I want to see my grandma in Heaven.”

John nods at that and shuffles his feet a little. It’s the first real movement he’s made since he got here.

“I thought about suicide by police, but I don’t want anyone else to get hurt…” You think for a few seconds before you lose a thought, wanting to say it before you forget. “Can I ask you something? I mean, if you decide to do it… like, I just don’t want to know when or how, obviously. I don’t want to know anything. I just want it to be done. I want it to be quick.” You swallow thickly, talking about your own death is really different than just thinking about it constantly. “I just don’t want anyone else hurt, like if you were to cut the wires on the breaks of my car or something? I could potentially crash and hurt someone in another car. And um… could you maybe not do it when I’m in the shower?” You smile weakly at your own request. “I mean, I don’t care if you like, come and do it in my sleep or whatever, but I have this thing while I’m showering… I’m at my most vulnerable, ya know and I just…”

“Yeah. I get it.” He walks a few steps towards you and puts his hand on the table, close to where you’re sitting. He has really long fingers and his knuckles are a bit bruised. There's a tan line where a ring used to be. He stands close to you now and he smells faintly of coffee. His body isn’t as rigid either, now that he knows you’re not a threat and just some small pathetic girl who can’t get her shit together.

“You do?” Relief floods you. Thank God. He understands. That means he’ll do it, right? “So, you’ll do it?”

John just stares now, his eyes soft and unblinking.

“What’s wrong?” You ask. You thought you had explained yourself well enough. What could he possibly be thinking about? It’s his job.

Looking away, he shakes his head. “This is just… not what I expected.”

“Oh.” Okay, that makes sense. You wonder who John thought you’d want to kill. He should still want to get paid though, but you don’t think that’d be the best thing to tell him. You feel like you’ll get scolded or yelled at for some reason. You decide to let him think and keep quiet.

His whole demeanor suddenly changes and he mutters under his breath, “Fucking Jimmy… fucking favors.”  He folds his arms too, like you and leans his narrow hip on the tabe, casual now. You take offense.

“Look, I’m serious about this. I can’t keep living like I am. I know that it could be worse, okay? I know I could be homeless or I could… it could be a lot worse. But I’m just done. I’m tired. I want out. So just… please?”

John nods silently. Finally he answers as he stands up straight, broad shoulders squared and readies himself to leave. “I’ll let you know.”

You feel the panic tighten in your lungs. “Wait. What? You can’t tell me now? That’s bullshit!”

“That’s the way this works,” he says calmly. “I get to think about it and get back to you if I take the job.”

You’ve been planning this for months. None stop thinking about this very moment. The disappointment you feel is familiar though. Nothing in your life would ever be easy. “Yeah, okay.” You sigh sadly. “Could you at least tell me how much it’ll cost if you do decide?”

John unfolds his arms and puts his hands on his hips. “Fifty thousand.”

“Fift-- what? Are you serious?! That’s insane.”

He shrugs again and doesn’t say anything. He actually does look very serious. In fact, that could be a smirk on his pretty mouth.

You may not be smart, but you aren’t stupid either. “Fine. I’ll just get someone else to do it. This city is full of scumbags who need to make a buck.” Jumping down from the table you stand and you realize how tall John is compared to you. “Just leave. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“No. No. Don’t do that.” The urgency that suddenly comes from him surprises you and it causes you to take a step back. “Just. Promise me. You won’t get anyone else, okay?”

You scoff in frustration. “Well what the hell else am I supposed to do? I don’t need all of this…” your hands gesture to his expensive clothes and for the first time you see the shiny classic car that’s parked a few yards away. You sigh loudly, unimpressed. Usually guys who have a car like that are complete douche bags. “Fancy.”

“Fancy?” John gives you a disapproving look.

“Yeah, you’re very fancy, I don’t know.” You’re pissed off and he seems to finally get it, putting his hands up like you’re a scared kitten.

“Okay, okay, fine. Look, I’ll do it.”

Call it a woman's intuition but you don’t believe him and it shows. “How much?”

John searches the ground, scrambling for an answer that won’t make you walk. “Three hundred.”

That’s not what you were expecting, but whatever. You just want to go and lay down before your shift starts at work. You don’t really have to go in, knowing it won’t matter in a few days, but you want to live normally in complete bliss of denial that this whole thing ever happened. When it’s your time to go, it's your time. Sort of.

“I want it to happen within a week of today. I don’t care if it’s tomorrow, tonight, or three days from now. But in seven’s day time… it’s done.” You reach your hand out for John to shake it. “Deal?”

He looks down at your hand. It’s like everything John does is precise, every move made is methodical. Your hands meet and shake twice, his fingers engulfing yours and you pull away quickly.

“How do I pay you?” Do you leave the money on your kitchen table or something?

John takes out car keys from his pocket. “I’ll contact you.”

“You don’t even have my phone number. You don’t even know my name.”

Now he really does smirk and you feel slightly dumb at questioning him. “I’ll be in contact,” he repeats. You have no doubt that he knows exactly where you live, your phone number, even your social security number. He probably knew all your information before meeting you today.

“Fine.” You grab your purse from the bench and swing it over your shoulder. “Thank you, I guess.”

John steps back towards his car and stops. “Just… one thing?”

“Yeah?”

His voice is soft, hopeful even. “Tell me if you change your mind?”

You shake your head no. “I won--”

“Just...” He stops you before the protest starts. “When I contact you, let me know then.” With that he turns towards the parking lot.

You can hear the roar of his car as you start to walk home. You did it. It’s done. You smile to yourself, the first in a very long time and it feels foreign on your lips.

**

The dog is barking again as you try to rest. Your headache isn’t much better, but the thought of a cold energy drink at work makes you get up and dressed.

It’s very rare that you look at yourself in the mirror anymore. The last time must have been months ago. Your hair is stringy and long, not having a cut in years. Dark, shallow circles engulf under your lifeless eyes. Your cheeks are sunken in but you put on a few pounds lately, sugar being the only thing to keep you up and going. It’s not a cute sight.

The only clothes you have now either have a hole or a rip somewhere. Your shoes are worn thin and probably contribute to the constant pain in your lower back.

You look decent enough and the thought that this might be your last night of work gives your stomach a sharp twist. John could come tonight. He could be in your apartment waiting for you when you got home. Will he have a gun? A knife? Maybe he’ll strangle… you need to stop thinking about it.

The small apartment is sticky hot when you lock up, and you’re glad for the short walk to the gas station for some fresh air.

Gary’s car is parked in front of the car wash and your heart falls. He really is the worst manager ever and even though you’re not really scared of him, he gives you the creeps. You don’t want to deal with his shit tonight, not after today, and you wonder how long he’ll be there since he’s only supposed to check in a few times a week.

“Hey,” You mutter to him as you walk briskly to put your purse in the back and grab the soda you stuck in the fridge on your last shift.

Gary’s smiling and leering at you. “How are you, sweetheart?”

Grimacing weakly you nod and glance at his bald head. You never really look at him and avoid all possible eye contact. You ignore the question though and move to grab your apron under the counter and start to stock the shelves of assorted candy and gum. Hopefully he leaves you alone today.

“I like that color on you.”

You hear his comment and close your eyes for strength. The door suddenly opens, signaling a customer and you hurry to the register to help. Gary must give up and heads to the back storage room.

The lady pays for her gas and a bottle of water but the register jams and you have to work your magic to get it open. The register is a piece of crap that’s way older than it should be and you’re surprised it still works, but you’ve mastered it and know every trick to get it functioning. You always have to teach the guy who works in the mornings and the other employees who work on the weekend how to fix it.

Gary finally leaves after you don’t pay him much attention and keep yourself busy. It’s a fine line between being rude to the guy and keeping your job. And although you could tell him off because John could technically come for you tonight, something tells you that you’re better than that. But barely, because you really don’t want any other girl to go through what you have in this place. Maybe you’ll leave a letter to corporate that John can mail for you after he’s… done.

You close up at midnight like usual and glad the night wasn’t eventful. Walking home is a different experience than any other night. You’re hyper aware of your surroundings, expecting a tall figure to approach you at any second. It’s slightly disappointing when nothing happens and you make it just fine.

There’s no one in your apartment either. You kind of thought John would be waiting in the closet, waiting for you to sleep or something, but he’s not here.

You lay in bed, restless. Should you even plan out your day tomorrow? John could slip in the middle of the night and you would never know. He said that he would be in contact, but you’re not sure how long you’ll have to wait. Your thoughts are a jumbled mess and it’s oddly quiet. So odd that you sit up a little wondering what’s going on. There’s no dog barking. You dare get excited enough to open the window, finally letting in a cool breeze that you’ve been longing for since the warmer months. You would always drown out the barking by keeping the window closed, but this feels amazing.

You creep into your own bathroom with the lightest of footsteps. Could this actually be happening? There’s no water coming from the facet. No sound of drip. Drip. Drip.

It’s silent. For the first time since you’ve lived here it’s relatively quiet and you jump back in bed suddenly exhausted from today’s big meeting. Images of John float through your mind and you close your eyes and finally sleep.

**

You wake with a newfound energy. How amazing it is to sleep well and get a full night rest. Your body feels lighter and mind alert. You take the time to stretch, breathing in deeply. You actually have time to do things. Usually you lounge around in bed before you have to get up for your shift, resting all you could. It feels good to pick up around the apartment, throw some things away that you don’t want anyone finding...well, after…

There’s a pep in your step when you get to work, plus Gary’s car isn’t in the parking lot. In fact, there’s a strange woman behind the counter bustling around, shoving papers here and there.

“Hi… are you new?” You ask. She’s a nice looking lady, with blue eyes and soft blond hair above her shoulders.

Startled, she turns and smiles. “Hi! No, not really. Well, I’m one of the district managers. Gary suddenly quit so I’m trying to figure out where everything is and what I can do to help. I’m Carla, by the way.”

A slow grin spreads on your lips. “Gary quit? Seriously?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. Still flipping through a stack of papers that you recognize are the schedules for you and your co-workers. “Said he was moving across the country, I’m not sure. Now who are you exactly? I’m sorry, I haven’t met anyone. I came in to open up this morning and I’ve been here all day.”

You introduce yourself politely and offer that she take a break and go to get something to eat or go home. You can handle closing up, after all.

Carla nods and grabs her purse. “You’re sweet, thank you. I remember your name from the records the company keeps on file. Your cash handling skills are great and you’ve never called out. You’ve never had any warnings. How would you like a promotion today?”

You can’t do anything but blink at her.

She laughs warmly at your reaction. “Look, why don’t you think it over, okay? It’s actually not a bad gig. An assistant manager is what I’m looking for. You’d work under me, but you’d be in charge of all the scheduling and hiring. I’d need you to be full time but that means benefits and a raise, of course. There’s a folder on the counter about the training program. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Nodding, you go behind the counter as she leaves through the front door. You’re glad there’s no customers around right now because you just sink into the chair and stare, jacket and backpack still on. You think she must be joking and shake yourself out of it. The folder is blue and laminated with thick paper, very professional. You briefly look at the benefit section in the back. It’s typical medical, dental, vision… and mental health? Therapy and counseling included for a small fee.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll have to tell Carla no tomorrow. If you have a tomorrow. You push the folder to the side and pay attention to the flow of customers starting to come in for the after work rush. It stays busy well after the sun goes down and you realize it’s Fourth of July, so it’s busier than normal. You briefly feel sad that this is how you’ll spend your last holiday.

After a quick break when it’s quiet you reach to check your phone. You have a text from an unknown number.

Did you change your mind yet?

You scoff and shake your head. Yet? Yeah right. You type out No and send it back, putting John’s name into your phone first. You wonder if he’ll destroy it after… or hide it with your body… ugh, there was a reason you couldn’t do this yourself. It’s morose.

You’ve already gone through every single emotion though. The turmoil, the grief, the anger, the shame, and finally the acceptance. There’s no talking you out of it now. You don’t have anything that would be worth something, so your stuff will probably be thrown out or donated. You do wonder about the debt and what will happen, but you just don’t think about it too much.

Your phone beeps again a few hours later, as you’re packing up to go home.

Relax. I’m not coming tonight.

A breath you’ve been holding without realizing escapes and you hadn’t known how tense you were the entire night. You think John might be trying to fool you, but you also don’t think that’s his style.

The car ride home is oddly smooth and your car seems a lot less bumpy than usual. Maybe that means it’ll break down soon, you have no idea.

You wonder what will happen to your car after you’re gone. 

**

The next day you have nothing to do in the morning, but you need to do laundry so you head out early with your dirty clothes stuffed in a bag, swung heavily over your shoulder.  You decide to treat yourself on the way to a sweet, rich coffee that tastes so good as you take a long sip. No one is around and you settle in a hard plastic chair to wait after you throw the first wash in the machine.

He could poison me, you think to yourself, staring at your coffee. That’d be a good way to do it. Nice and easy. No witnesses he’d have to deal with. No investigation. That’s what you’re paying him for, right? No messes to clean up.

The door to the laundromat swings open and here comes John himself, almost walking in slow motion in his dark suit, and you feel like you’ve just been punched in the gut. This is how he decides to do it? Now? At the laundry place? Where you’re wearing old clothes and wrinkled underwear? Perfect.

“Hi.” He stands over you, tall and brooding. You notice that he has a faint trace of a black eye and a small cut on his lip.

“This is happening?” You ask, still not really believing your shitty luck. This beautiful man seeing you in such a state of upheaval is embarrassing.

“No. Not right now. I wanted to see if you changed your mind.” John’s voice is stern, determined. His hair is slicked back, making him look intimidating, much more now that you’re both under fluorescent lights rather than the soft sun rays at the park.

Your eyes track down his body, taking in those shoulders and slim waist, long legs in a perfectly fitted suit. “Do you always dress up? Like every day?”

“What?”

You gesture to his clothes. “What’s with all the suits? I mean, you look very nice but this is the cheapest laundromat in the entire city.”

For the first time John really looks around. His eyes had darted past you to the backdoor as he walked in, but otherwise his gaze was completely on you. “I um… I have another job after this.”

“Oh. I didn’t know hitmen were in such demand.”

John clears his throat. “Assassin.”

“What?”

“I’m an assassin.” He says it slowly, making sure you understand. “Not a hitman.”

An assassin? That makes sense, you knew he was too fancy to be a hitman. “What’s the difference?”

Still speaking slowly he says, “A hitman usually gets one target. I get them all.”

“Do you like… shoot guys from a rooftop or something?”

“No, that’s a sniper.”

“Of course. I apologize.” What a completely ridiculous conversation you’re having right now.

He cocks his head at your words and raises an eyebrow.

You take a sip of your coffee. “What?

“You aren’t scared?”

“Of what?” You smile, almost teasingly. “You? No. I kinda knew you were in the business when I hired you, remember?”

“Oh, so I’m your employee?”

You swear he’s almost teasing back and it surprises you because up until now he’s been so serious. You shrug your shoulders though, looking him up and down again. “I mean, I guess. You must be really desperate for that three hundred bucks.” It comes out sarcastic but you can’t help it.

John presses his lips together, disapproving again and sighs. “Why don’t you call this off, huh?”

Sure, work has gotten immensely better and you can actually sleep through the night. Two huge changes all in just two days, but you still have a mountain ahead of you. “I have thousands of dollars in debt, John. I have an ex boyfriend who is literally going to hunt me down in a month. Changing my mind is not an option.”

He unbuttons his suit jacket and puts his hands on his hips, starting to pace.

You sip your coffee again. “I appreciate you asking, but I don’t see a way out so… a deal is still a deal, right?”

You watch as he doesn’t answer and thinks. He really is a good looking assassin. You feel bad that he has to see you in this state of disarray. Beautiful women are probably all over him.

John stops suddenly. “What's the ex boyfriend's name?”

“Huh?”

“His name? Tell me what it is.”

You usually wouldn't in a million years, but you totally lied before because John actually does scare you. “It’s Max. Max Brickson.”

John looks up at the ceiling, like he’s cataloging all the names in his head for something familiar but it doesn’t seem like he knows it. “I’ll take him out instead.”

“Huh?” You haven’t talked to many people lately, wanting to keep to yourself, but usually you can at least articulate actual words.

“I’ll take your money,” John is talking fast now and sits down in the plastic chair next to yours. “And I’ll kill him. Instead of… well, instead of you. Problem solved.”

“Um, problem not solved.” Your voice is squeaky. “What if he hurts you? No way.”

There’s that pensive, disapproving look again. With a flick of his wrist you suddenly see a very sharp knife in his hand. Without even looking he throws it smack in the center of the poison sign on the wall all the way in the back.

“Okay, stupid point.” You swallow thickly because that was awesome and frightening all at once. “But I can’t have someone killed. Are you insane? There’s a difference between doing it to myself and someone else.”

John is rattled with confusion. “But he hurt you? Abused you, probably.”

“So what? No, absolutely not.” You shake your head and cross your legs, giving John your own don’t mess with me right now look.

“Well what if I scare him off? When he gets out? I could come to your place for a few nights, see if he comes around and if he does…”

You narrow your eyes.

“I’ll just beat him up, I swear. That’s all I’ll do.”

He’s lying. You both know it.

“Yeah right.” The plastic chair creaks as you get up to put your laundry in the dryer. “Besides, that still leaves the bills, John. My back hurts, my feet hurt, I’m lonely, I have no one. I don’t have anything to live for. So just forget about it. The deal stays as is. I don’t know why you care anyway.”

The air is weighted with thick tension and he’s up, walking to get his knife that’s still sticking in the wall. He doesn’t say anything as he passes you and slams the door shut after him.

As far as visits to the laundromat go, this was by far the most exciting.

**

It’s been five days and you’re still alive. Yes, you’re less tired and yes, work has been better but still.  You groan at the pile of mail on your table and decide to open the envelopes you’ve just added from emptying your mailbox, probably for the last time.

The first papers you open have red ink all over, littered with the words over due and late. You decide to leave them in a nice pile for whoever will find them, somewhat organized. The next envelope is thinner though and you have to look at it twice. Zero balance. Paid in full.

Great. Some sort of mistake. Something else to deal with. Although, you don’t really have to do anything about it. You toss it on top and clean the kitchen a little, read through one of the free magazines you got from work, but curiosity eventually gets to you.

After twenty minutes of answering questions about your account, the nice lady from the collection agency tells you that your balance is in fact, zero. Not only that, but the other account you have in your name is also at zero. They were both paid two days ago but she can’t tell you what happened.

You have to get to work anyway and you’re still thinking about it when Carla asks you what’s wrong. Telling her briefly about the situation you confide that you’re baffled, but she shrugs it off.

“Your grandma probably had life insurance. Mine did, and my father didn’t find out about it until after she passed. She probably knew how expensive all of this would be for you.” Patting you on the shoulder, Carla’s eyes are full of sympathy as she goes behind the counter to help someone.

You knew all of grandma’s finances though. At least, you thought you did. Maybe she was keeping secrets.

The front door swings open and Sam greets you, “Hey buddy.” He’s a new kid Carla hired a few days ago to help on your off days and he's here for training. He’s still in high school and seems really sweet.

Carla is texting away on her phone and tells Sam to put his stuff in the back and grab a water before getting started. Then she touches your elbow and whispers, “Do you think you could train Sam today? I know you told me no about the assistant manager position, but my daughter is having a meltdown about a boy right now. I’ll make sure to give you a bonus and buy you one of those coffees you like!”

You smile and nod. At least the day will go by faster. “Just the coffee will be fine,” you tell her and she shoots you a grateful look. She tells Sam what’s going on and flies out the front door, both of you giggling at the sight of her dress blowing in the wind.

The night goes really smooth and Sam is goofy, making you laugh more than you can remember. You learned shortly after Carla and you had a conversation a few days ago that Gary had been keeping you on nights alone, saving the salary of the extra person who would have been with you for at least a few hours before closing. He had been doing a lot of things wrong, like not letting you take lunches or refusing to pay you overtime. Carla was shocked when she looked at the logs and it had all stopped immediately.

You feel pretty proud at the way Sam gushes over how you know all the tricks to the register, especially when he locks it up a few times and you know how to troubleshoot it easily. You hope he remembers all these tricks because even the girls from the day shift have to call you sometimes for help.

Before you know it, Sam is leaving and you’re heading out. The ride home is short and your apartment quiet.

You sit at your kitchen table, eyeing the zero balance written in black ink you left on top of the pile of envelopes.

Not red.

Well, fuck.

Your life is kinda good right now. It doesn’t actually royally suck. Yeah, you still have to worry about Max, but you could always take John up on his offer. If you don’t have to use your entire paycheck to pay the credit bills, and you took the promotion, that’d leave you enough to start saving… and maybe buy some new shoes. Maybe you could go to counseling. Get your head back on straight. Maybe go back to school.

Your fingers are cold when you reach for your cell phone. You think that you might change your mind in the morning, but knowing a good sleep is in the cards for you tonight, you decide to just make the call now.

“This is Wick.”

“John?”

“Oh hey… how are you?”

His full name is John Wick and the thought barely processes before you continue to talk. “I think I changed my mind.”

“You think?”

Of course he wasn’t going to let you off that easy. “Fine. I did change my mind. Don’t do it.”

You can hear him smiling through the phone. “This is the first job I’ve ever been fired from.”

“Ah, John. I’m sure you would have done an excellent job. Thanks for not… well, you know. Not doing anything to me yesterday. Or even this morning.” You tell him, tapping the zero on the folded bill with your fingernail. “I appreciate everything, in a really weird way.”

“I didn’t do anything.” He says softly.

“You gave me time. Things suddenly seem to be working out so… yeah.”

John’s voice is kind and you vividly remember him throwing the knife with such force in the laundromat. You’re sad that you’ll never see him again. You wonder if he wasn’t an assassin and if you weren’t such a wreck maybe you could ever be friends. “I’m really happy for you.”

You don’t say anything as you hang up on him. You can tell he’s not one for goodbyes anyway.

**

It takes a few weeks, but therapy is a good look on you. Things that were very black and white in your world suddenly had color. Smiling more and crying less, laughing instead of eating your feelings away. The new job is just challenging enough that you excel at it, but still have time for maybe taking some classes when school starts.

You did buy new clothes, new shoes, and a new mattress. You don’t have enough for a new car yet, but surprisingly it’s running just fine. Turns out your apartment manager only speaks Russian, and simply didn’t understand when you tell him things are broken. Now you have new light bulbs, and new shower head, and new carpet.

Your savings account is slowly growing too. You’ve gone out to lunch a few times with Carla and even helped Sam with his homework once or twice. Your confidence is building and you feel the strength in your mind and body. It’s amazing what can happen when you sleep and pain isn’t throbbing in your back, and the headaches seem to have gone away too.

In fact, you’ve taken up running and currently you’re at a good pace around the lake early this morning. The music is blasting in your ears and the sweat at your brow feels good. You feel alive.

And that’s when you spot him. You’d know that stride anywhere, John being on your mind as a handsome acquaintance instead of an assassin you hired… and then fired.

“Hey! I can’t believe you’re here!” You pull out your earbuds and catch your breath as you take in John’s appearance. He looks different in dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He has the cutest bulldog on a leash who is patiently waiting by his side.

“Hi!” He looks almost as surprised as you are. Almost. He smiles widely and puts his hands shyly in his pockets.

“What’re you doing here? You live close by?” You ask, still sucking in air. You’re so out of shape, but you learned in therapy that even ten minutes of movement is a milestone.

“Uh, yeah. I live in Mill Neck.” He points across the lake, towards the nice side of town. You live on the opposite side of the lake.

“Ah, of course. That’s cool.”

“You look nice. You look happy.” John says, still smiling softly, his eyes never leaving yours.

Blushing you glance down at the dog and ignore his words. “Who’s this big guy, huh? Can I pet him?” “Yes, of course.” John replies. “I only got him a few weeks ago actually, still figuring out a name.”

“He looks like a pooch, don’t ya?” You forget John is even there as you crouch down and talk to the dog, who has a beautiful silver blue coat of fur and you laugh as he licks at your chin.

“I think he likes you.” John bends down too and gently pulls the dog away. “Pooch, huh?”

“Well anything’s better than hey dog .” You shrug and stand back up. “He’s really cute.”

“Yeah, I think we get along just fine.” John agrees.

You start to put your earbuds back in and give him a little wave, suddenly feeling awkward. You don’t want to intrude on his walk.

“I’ll be seeing you, maybe?”

John chuckles and bites at his lip. “Not if I see you first.”

What the hell does that mean?  A huge flock of ducks fly down into the lake and you hear the leash pull as John lets out a low sound of a commanding heel, which makes you tingle.

However, it doesn’t faze the dog because he barks. Loudly. And you stop cold. You know the sound of that bark. It’s tattooed in your brain. You turn around slowly and now you shiver all over, but not because of attraction. You slowly stalk back towards John and you can hear him mutter to himself. It sounds like shit. It sounds like he just got caught.

“You stole the fucking dog across from my apartment.” Your voice is low and accusing, a statement because you already know the answer. You lean in close to John, your jaw ticking in anger. “You kidnapped a dog!”

“Shh. Look, come over here.” He leads you to a nearby bench and sits you down.

You feel a panic attack coming and you try to think of what you learned in therapy. The lightheadedness gets to you fast though and John pushes your head between your legs. You’d be embarrassed but you’re too upset. “Oh my God. You did everything, didn’t you? You… you…. Oh my God. I’m so fucking stupid.”

John sits down and tries not to crowd you, but he doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. The dog seems unfazed and curls up at his feet. “He was starving,” John explains, his fingers lightly brushing your elbow. “That’s why he was always barking. He was chained up with no food, only rainwater to drink. No shelter. I couldn’t just leave him there.”

You look at the dog and even now through a panicked haze, you can see that his ribs are sticking out slightly. He’s happily panting and staring down the ducks, completely oblivious of your anxiety.

“Tell me what else. Oh my God, you made them give me a promotion? I couldn’t even do that by myself.”

John pauses and shakes his head. “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh my God… did you kill Gary?”

“.... no”

“Oh my GOD.”

“I just threatened him.” John’s voice is loud now and he looks around guiltily. You glare at him to start talking and he’s almost whispering. “Really. I didn’t kill him. I went over to his house in the middle of the night when no one else was home and---”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Look, he needed to go. He really was a scumbag. Not kill worthly, but still. The town is better off without him here.”

You look at John in disgust. He’s telling you all of this so calmly. Another thought pops in your mind that makes you sick. “You paid off my debt, didn’t you?”

He doesn’t answer, just sits back on the bench and gazes out to the water.

“Tell me.” Your stomach turns, but you need to know.

He nods once, not looking at you. Avoiding your eyes entirely.

“You asshole.” You mutter, your hands forming into a fist. “You complete asshole.”

He catches you before you can punch his shoulder and forces your arm down with ease. You know he’s holding back his full strength, but you can see his muscles bulge a little under his tight t-shirt. It’s very distracting.

“I thought I was helping. I would have tried to help anyone in your situation. I’m sorry, I should have told you. I didn’t know how.”

Slumping, you sit back too. Well this is a good mindfuck. Your brain starts to function again and the cold sweat from the panic attack is fading. You stare at your new running shoes that are so comfortable. The new purple wristband that shows how far you’ve gone and what your heart rate is at. You even got your haircut at the expensive new salon in the city. It’s so shiny and healthy now.

“I can pay you back.” You whisper, not knowing how long it’ll take. You can’t really return anything you bought, but maybe you can pick up some shifts at work. Get a second job instead of going to school.

John laughs, but nothing is funny and it comes out humorless. “This is not how I wanted you to find out. I had no intention of you paying me back. That was not the deal.”

“Fuck the deal. The deal has changed and I didn’t even know it.” You tell him, still staring at your feet. “Are you really even an assassin? How is this possible?”

“Oh, I’m an assassin,” John says, like he’s been doing it for years. “That homeless guy you gave your number to? He’s an informant for the police. I did my undercover cop friend a favor, he twisted his ankle the morning we met and needed someone to take his place.”

“Uh huh…” You’re starting to feel really dumb now.

“I was never going to kill you.” John continues. “Or anyone, I was just there to get information. Usually when a woman wants a hitman they want parents or husbands dead for the insurance or inheritance money. And you were obviously not a threat, so I told my friend you didn’t show.”

“Obviously.”

John rubs his hands up and down his legs and you’ve never seen him nervous. “I just take care of really bad people, in case you were wondering…”

You weren’t. You were only thinking of yourself. Flooding feelings of shame come crashing down. How could you be so selfish?

“Bad people?”

John mumbles “yes,” and you start thinking about the money again. “I need to pay you back.”

He shifts on the bench and gently guides your chin to look at him. His touch makes you dizzy all over. “Can I tell you something and you really hear it right now? Like, really listen to what I’m going to say to you.”

You nod and meet his eyes, and it doesn’t look like he believes you, but he starts anyway. “I have plenty of money.” His tone is very soft and he’s speaking slowly, like you’re a child. “I don’t need your money.”

“You don’t need my money?” You ask, still not completely with it.

“I don’t need your money.” He confirms. “You’re not going to pay me. If you do, I’ll find a way to get it back to you.”

“Oh my God.” You sit up with a gasp. How could you be so oblivious? “Did you fix my bathroom sink??”

John looks guilty again, hands now falling in his lap. “You needed to sleep. And you need a new lock on your door, it was too easy to break in.”

“And you fixed my car.” You say in a daze, not really listening to him anymore.

“Well, it was easy to steal while you were at work and my friend is a mechanic. All it needed was some new tires and a tune up.”

Your eyes are wide and you blink to keep from screaming at him. “Anything else?”

“No. No, that’s it.”

As if it wasn’t enough.

**

You don’t remember leaving the lake. You barely remember John calling out your name, his fingers grabbing at yours to stay with him.

You do remember getting home and calling your therapist for an emergency session. It took three hours to explain it all. She tried to hide it, but she looked pretty horrified at your plan to hire a hitman. You’ve only seen her a handful of times anyway, and you hadn’t even breached the surface of your problems, let alone get to the part about John. She manages to calm you down, and gives you some coping skills to get through the rest of the day. She also asks if you still plan on hurting yourself, but you can confidently tell her no. You promise when you go home you’ll do some deep breathing exercises that you admit actually do work.

You think any sane person would thank John for doing all he did, but you’re too proud and it pisses you off. No one gets help like that. Everyone should fend for themselves. Fight their own fight. And you had, and you thought you’d figured it out. You didn’t need someone to save you. You were going to escape, however it had to be done.

At the end of another therapy session a few days later, you come to terms with it. You realize John is an adult and acted on his own will. You couldn’t have controlled him or his actions. For some reason he decided to help you and somehow you need to know that maybe you’re worth it. That’s later down the road though, you’re still not ready to see that yet.

You decide on a whim one night to text John that you forgive him and thank him for the things he did.

He sends you back a smiley face emoji and you melt a little more.

**

It’s only been three weeks since the day at the lake when your phone rings with a private number. It’s the officer who arrested Max and helped get him behind bars. He’s being let out tomorrow and Officer Sanders wanted to let you know as a courtesy. You thank him, your throat dry and he tells you to call him immediately if you need help.

You think about John’s offer at the laundromat, but can you really ask him to do something else for you? It’s a little desperate and you’ve become so independent in this last month that the thought really doesn’t sit well. Instead, you berate yourself for not taking self defense classes and briefly consider buying a gun when your phone rings again.

“Your ex is getting paroled tomorrow.” John tells you, before you can even say hello. “I’ll be at your place for a few days. No argument.” Gone is the guilt ridden guy at the park, the assassin is back and you don’t have the guts to tell him no.

“The couch is really uncomfortable.” You try instead and you can almost hear an eye roll.

“Be safe.” And John hangs up.

You lay down on your bedroom floor and reach under your bed for the baseball bat you hid there a long time ago. You could totally take care of yourself and practise a few swings, going a little too hard and somehow you end up with a good size bruise on the top of your foot.

Sighing, you sit down on your bed and come to accept that John Wick, the assassin, is just going to stay with you for a couple days. Not an issue at all. No problem. All very normal.

You tell yourself this over and over, but in the back of your mind you know it’s all lies and denial.

TBC   Chapter 2

[scotianostra]

 Johnny Ramensky, the Scottish safe cracker was born on April 6th 1905 in Glenboig, Lanarkshire.

This is the type of story that would make a great film, so settle down to enjoy the life of the man born Jonas Ramanauckas, who became known as  John Ramsay, Gentleman Johnny, and Gentle Johnny

His father was a miner who died when Johnny was young and the young Ramensky also became a miner. It was while he was down the pit that he learned his skills with dynamite which were to prove so useful to him in later years.

Johnny drifted in and out of trouble from the age of eleven and moved to the Gorbals area of Glasgow during the Depression with his mother and two sisters. He developed an amazing physical strength and acrobatic ability but in order to obtain some money, he became a burglar, specializing in robberies involving climbing up external rone-pipes to gain entry to premises. He also developed skills in picking locks and safe-cracking with explosives.

While his activities were criminal, he had his own code of conduct and raided business premises rather than people's homes. And when he was caught, he never resisted arrest. His philosophy seemed to be "if you are caught, you are caught - it's all part of the job".

His life of detention began at age 18 when he was given a term in Borstal but later he served various terms in both Barlinnie and Peterhead Prisons. He eventually spent more time behind bars than outside. It's often easy to sentimentalise and sugar-coat the past, there was something about him which meant that even the police who snared him and the courts which he frequented as regularly as others visit their local supermarket, regarded him as somebody who was more interested in eluding an alarm and breaking a code than becoming rich from his forays.

Johnny was married during one of his spells out of prison and the couple had a baby daughter. But in 1934, while he was serving a sentence in Peterhead, he was told that his young wife was dead. He was refused permission to attend the funeral and Johnny's sense of justice was outraged. So he made the first of many escapes from the prison.

  In 1942, he was serving yet another jail sentence in Peterhead Prison. The army offered to give him special commando training and Johnny accepted. After all, it meant he was out of prison, earning a wage - and fighting for his country. Part of a crack commando unit, he was dropped behind enemy lines and used his skills with both explosives and burglary to good effect, stealing important German documents.

During the war in Italy, he entered Rome with the first troops to reach the city and blew open the safes in 14 foreign embassies - all in one day!

For his commando service and dangerous exploits, he was awarded the Military Medal and given a free pardon at the end of the war. But not longer after his return to Glasgow he was back to his life of burglary and was caught and jailed again.

In November 1955 he was sentenced to 10 years’ "preventive detention" at Peterhead Prison, which should have given him a few privileges. But he found there were none. He served over two years with exemplary conduct and still there was no move to the better conditions of "preventive detention". So Johnny responded in the only way he knew how - he escaped. Of course, he was later recaptured but he was at least given an opportunity to put his case to the prison authorities - which achieved nothing. Johnny escaped (and was recaptured) from Peterhead (Scotland's strongest jail) no less than five times including three times in 1958. Sometimes the prison warders didn't know whether he was inside or outside the prison. His fifth escape evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public which was illustrated by a song "The Ballad of Johnny Ramensky" by Norman Buchan (a Member of Parliament), which was printed in the Scotsman newspaper, and another musical tribute, Let Ramensky Go, was penned by none other than Roddy McMillan, the star of Para Handy.

Not long after starting a prison sentence in Barlinnie in Glasgow, Johnny was in the exercise yard and suddenly threw off his boots and shot up the wall, using cracks in the mortar as toe-holds. He reached a roof - but could get no further. Equally, the warders couldn't get him down - and Johnny was demanding to see the Chief of the Prisons Department! Attempts to reach the roof were met by a barrage of roof slates - watched by a growing audience outside the prison walls. He stayed out on the roof for five hours, eventually coming down when it started to get cold.

In 1962 Detective Superintendent Robert Colquhoun (retired), said "Like most policemen who have come in contact with Ramensky, I find him an engaging character, the kind of man who, applying his brain to another, more acceptable, type of occupation, could probably have made good." Before he had retired, DS Colquhoun received a message from Johnny (who was once more in prison). He had heard that the policeman was seriously ill. The message contained his good wishes for his speedy recovery, plus the advice that he’d been taking too much out of himself chasing Johnny around! As he grew older and the escapes continued one question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knew him well said "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can."

Johnny remarried and started a second family during his all too short periods out of prison but persisted in his life of crime into his old age - by which time his abilities as a cat burglar were beginning to fail him. In 1972 he collapsed in Perth Prison and died shortly after in hospital. In addition to his family, the many people who attended his funeral came from both the law enforcement and the law breaking sides of society. Whatever his faults, Johnny Ramensky was respected by them all. His obituary appeared in every Scottish national newspaper.

That's not the end of Johnny Gently though, he lives on at Peterhead Prison, now a museum where Ramensky served so many years behind bars, has created a exhibition space which highlights different aspects of his career.

I couldnae find the Roddy McMillan  version of Lat Ramensky Go, but former BBC Young Traditional Musician of the Year, Claire Harings makes a great job of singing it, the lyrics below are the original version, Claire sings a slightly different version. 

Let Ramensky Go

There was a lad in Glesga town, Ramensky was his name Johnny didnae know it then but he was set for fame

Now Johnny was a gentle lad, there was only one thing wrong He had an itch to strike it rich and trouble came along He did a wee bit job or two, he blew them open wide But they caught him and they tried him and they bunged him right inside

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

And when they let him out he said he'd do his best but then He yielded tae temptation and they bunged him in again Now Johnny made the headlines, entertained the boys below When he climbed up tae the prison roof and gave a one-man show

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

But when the war was raging the brass-hats had a plan Tae purloin some information, but they couldnae find a man So they nobbled John in prison, asked if he would take a chance Then they dropped him in a parachute beyond the coast of France

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Then Johnny was a hero, they shook him by the hand For stealing secret documents frae the German High Command So Johnny was rewarded for the job he did sae well They granted him a pardon frae the prison and the cell

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

But Johnny was in error when he tried his hand once more For they caught him at a blastin', and it wasnae worth the score

The jury pled for mercy, but the judge's voice was heard Ten years without remission, and that's my final word Ten years, my lord, that's far too long, wee Johnny cried in vain For if you send me up for ten I'll never come out again

Oh give me another chance, my lord, I'm tellin' you no lie But if you send me up for ten I'll sicken and I'll die

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Now Peterhead's a fortress, its walls are thick and stout But it couldnae hold wee Johnny when he felt like walking out Five times he took a powder, he left them in a fix And every day they sweat and pray in case he makes it six

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go..........

Here are some reports on him.......[1958:] Twelve hours after Johnny Ramensky had done his fifth and most baffling "vanishing act" in Peterhead jail yesterday it was not known whether he was INSIDE or OUTSIDE the prison. This was admitted late last night by a Scottish Home Department spokesman. Here is the sequence of events leading up to the cracksman's third escape in ten months.

Because of rain, 45 prisoners, including Ramensky, were being exercised in one of Peterhead's large prison halls. At 1.40, the exercise ended and the squad began a 50 to 70-yard march, in organised lines to the tailor's shop. At 1.43, they arrived at the shop WITHOUT RAMENSKY.

The alarm was raised. Every corner of the prison was searched. But there was no trace of the "King of Peterhead". No rope or ladder with which he could have scaled the jail's 18-foot wall was found. One theory was that Ramensky had a key to the back door of the tailor's shop, which is only ten feet from the wall. For it is believed that he had a key for the tailor's shop door on his October break-out. Out went the word to police all over the country:

 "Ramensky's free again."

Two hunts went on - in swirling snow and at temperatures below freezing point - for the 53-year-old convict who, despite ill-health, had made another freedom bid. Throughout the whole of the North of Scotland road blocks and police checks sprang up. Tracker dogs went out. A strong cordon was thrown round the immediate prison area. For on his last bid in October, Ramensky was found, after 40 hours of freedom only 200 yards from the prison. It was ill-health that beat him then. He collapsed after a child spotted him in a barn.[...]. 

Last night people living in the Peterhead area spoke of him without fear. For he is known as "Gentle John" and those beside the prison take bets on how long he will stay free. His escape in February this year lasted 24 hours, before he was caught in Peterhead's main street wearing a warder's cap and a long black coat.

One question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knows him well said last night: "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can.

"Here is a description of the clothes worn by the wartime Commando who cracked safes behind enemy lines: Brown moleskin trousers, brown battledress tunic, brown jersey, blue and white striped shirt, black leather shoes ... and possibly wearing a cap. (Daily Record, Dec 18)

The six-day hunt for gentle Johnny Ramensky was called-off last night. And baffled police admitted: "There are still no clues." [...] The authorities believe that 53-year-old Ramensky, if still alive, is bound to make a mistake sometime, or to leave a clue somewhere. It is understood that police opinion is split over the reason for the absence of a "trail." Some feel he is dead in the sea, but others are convinced he is in the Peterhead area, possibly quite near the prison, and is being fed and sheltered. (Daily Record, Dec 23)

[1959:] Johnny Ramensky (53), the safe-breaker who made a sensational jail-break from Peterhead prison, remaining at liberty for nine days, is back in prison. He was caught at Persley, on the north bank of the River Don about three miles from Aberdeen. A police spokesman said after the capture that Ramensky was looking wonderfully well, apart from being footsore, and considering the long period he had been on the run. He was dressed in blue dungarees and a green jersey and his shoes were cracked and torn. It is understood that no police charges are impending against Ramensky on account of his escape. There have been no reports of break-ins or thefts. His fifth escape has evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public. During the war Ramensky was an instructor to Allied agents in blowing safes. (Weekly Scotsman, Jan 2)

[dyaz-stories]

Screaming Color — A SessKagu One-Shot

“The rest of the world was black and white... but we were in screaming colors”

Tagging: @shinidamachu @sailorbabydoll92 @sweetchcolate @clearwillow @zelink-inukag @cstorm86 @digital-art-monster @danycontreras90 @redflamesofpassion @lost-amidst-the-stars​ @eternalnight8806-3 @desiree239 @keichanz @ashleys-canvas​ @mustardyellowsunshine​ @meggz0rz​ @contacting-u​ @ramen---boi​ @superpixie42​ @kazeinori​

Also available on Ao3 and ff.net.

Prom night. Balloons suspended around the school gym in a desperate attempt to make it look a little more dreamy, not-so-dazzling lights, the one mirrorball the school owned, which had probably been purchased at the peak of the disco era, considering its looks, glitter on the floor, and bad music. Girls dressed to the nines and boys, well, making an effort, at least. Smiles, heartbreak, epic highs and lows of teenage romance.

And, standing by the drinks table, bored out of her damn mind, Kagura Kaze, art teacher in her thirties, chaperoning.

To say this wasn’t Kagura’s dream night would have been a complete understatement. See, when Onigumo, the school director had approached her to give her that job, she had had a moment of hesitation. It had lasted a second, if not less, as memories flooded her mind. When she’d been in high school, she was way too cool for prom, so she had never experienced it, and it made her— it made her somewhat curious, you know? Made her want to know what all the fuss was about.

Of course, the thought quickly vanished from her mind. Obviously, she couldn’t experience it as a teenager again, and while it might have been fun back then, though she seriously doubted it, there was no way she would enjoy it even the tiniest bit now.

But because of her hesitation, she’d lost her way out, and that was how she found herself, well, here.

“I’m standing right here, Manten.”

The teenage boy seemed genuinely surprised to hear her talk, and almost dropped the bottle of alcohol he’d been about to pour in the punch that was available for all students to drink from.

“Yeah, I know, I just—”

He just hadn’t thought she’d say anything. She’d heard that a lot tonight, and she didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended. It definitely confirmed that she was the ‘cool teacher’, a title she’d earned because she was, by far, the best dressed teacher in school, because she actually had some renown in the art world and also because, if she dared to say so herself, she was an a-fucking-mazing teacher.

That would have come as a surprise to anyone, including her own self, just five years ago, when she’d gotten the job. She’d thought that would be the nail in the coffin of her creativity and of her already dying art career. She’d thought, and everyone around her agreed, that she would murder one of the young imbeciles she’d have to look after after just one day, and end up in jail, and if that didn’t happen, she would certainly die a long and boring death in the small high school of a small town, miles away from the city and everything she loved.

But, as it turned out, that had not been the case. She could, in fact, live without Starbucks, and she didn’t need to go shopping at high-end clothing stores every week-end.

Not that she could afford it these days.

As for teenagers, they were horrible, stupid, and hormonal, but some of them, sometimes, were also interesting. Those, she did her best to help. After all, Kagura liked talent. She took pride in her ability to spot it, even in its rawest form. She had thought it would make her bitter, to see these talented teenagers, with all their lives still ahead of themselves.

It didn’t. It just made her want to help them, and if that meant she had to do her damnedest to find scholarships they could apply to, well, she’d do that.

Other students didn’t complain about her class, either. It gave them an outlet for all sorts of emotions, and if there was one thing no one had ever said about her, it was that she was boring.

So it didn’t exactly surprise her, to hear that Manten had thought she’d let him spike the punch, but on the other hand— how did he dare? Did he really think she was that irresponsible? She wasn’t going to let teenagers get wasted on her watch.

“Give me the bottle, Manten,” she sighed, extending a perfectly manicured hand.

“But…”

“And tell your brother to come here and give me his,” she added, eyeing Hiten, who was watching the scene carefully, and who, of course, had sent his brother do his dirty job for him.

“Oh, Hiten would never—”

“You heard her, kid,” a deep voice growled from behind him. “Get it done.”

Manten immediately seemed to shrunk and disappear, which could have been a pretty funny sight, in different circumstances. The look Kagura gave to Inuyasha Taisho, P.E. teacher, was not amused.

“I was handling it,” she said dryly.

“Yeah, and I got it done faster.”

She had to resist the urge to snarl at him. Inuyasha was an alright person, but what an asshole he could be.

”Hey,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly, clearly unaware of the less than charitable thoughts that were going through her mind, “you wouldn’t have happened to see—”

“I’ll tell you where she is if you get Miroku and Sango back from their break,” she interrupted him. “I want to take mine, and we need someone by this table.”

She didn’t add that they were probably making out. Miroku had taken two bottles she’d gotten from kids who also wanted to spike the punch — which showed that there was no coordination there and was very irresponsible of them, because what if they’d all succeeded, that would have been a disaster — and winked at her before leaving with the perpetually unimpressed Sango. Thinking back on it, she probably should have stopped him then and there.

She’d high-fived him instead.

“Sure,” Inuyasha shrugged, not realizing what he was probably opening himself to seeing. “So?”

“She took a group of lonely kids to the library.”

“Keh. Of course she would,” Inuyasha scoffed, but his dumb, soft smile betrayed his feelings. That was how he’d been tricked into being here tonight, too. Because, of course, ‘she’ had also volunteered to watch over the dance.

Another day, another time, Kagura would have loved to meddle in the slow-burn developing between him and the literature teacher, the lovely Kagome Higurashi, because they were so damn entertaining, definitely her favorite couple among the faculty, but if she stood there one minute longer, she was going to spontaneously combust or something.

“Good. I’m off.”

��Hey, wait a second—”

“Hiten, here!”

The teenage boy begrudgingly handed her a bottle of what she knew at a glance was a very, very nice wine. Those kids really had too much money and too little supervision for their own good, which wasn’t something she could fix. Wasn’t her job, either, but sometimes, it disappointed her a little. Gave her heart an unpleasant squeeze. Every year, how many of those kids graduated, about to jump headfirst into a shitty life that would never get better? How many of them had she failed?

That wasn’t something she ever thought about, before starting to work here. It wasn’t a pleasant thought by any means, but she didn’t hate it, either. It felt— needed. It felt like it was something she should have thought about before. Then maybe she could have made a difference sooner, maybe she would be doing a better job.

On the other hand, if she didn’t think about it, maybe she wouldn’t need a drink so bad right now.

“Mrs. Kaze,” a calm, even voice, called from behind her as she was just about to leave the gym, “may I ask where you are going?”

Kagura froze, closed her eyes a second, then turned around, a charming smile on her lips.

“I was just taking my break, Mr. Taisho,” she said, ignoring the way her heart was hammering in her chest, as it always did whenever she talked to him. “Care to join me?”

Sesshomaru Taisho rose an eyebrow at her offer, and she had to remind herself not to hold her breath waiting for an answer. She wasn’t one of the teenagers she was supposed to chaperone, dammit!

That was all his fault, by the way. He had no business looking this good. He hadn’t dressed up, exactly, but he was wearing a fitting white shirt, which underlined a nicely chiseled chest, and black pants, and that was enough to create the illusion. She knew, from the looks he was getting, that she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. His long white hair, which he usually tied into a ponytail, were falling over his broad shoulders, and she would have killed for that hair, but that wasn’t what got her attention.

No, she was entirely focused on his face. He had the type of face she would love to paint someday, and that was the first thing that had struck her about him, when she’d first met him. He was beautiful, sure, but beauty could be boring. With him, it wasn’t. It wasn’t just his sharp jaw, thin lips, straight nose and high cheekbones. He was much more than the sum of his parts, but Kagura was convinced that even without all of that, if she had met his golden eyes, if she had seen the intelligence behind it, she would have been irremediably lost, regardless of anything else.

Sesshomaru glanced behind him at Inuyasha, who was sullenly watching over the drink table where she’d abandoned him. The two of them were brothers, but you would never have guessed it from the way they acted with one another. There was a rather painful story behind that, which Kagura had heard from Miroku, but she knew better than to bring it up with the brothers, so she kept her mouth shut.

“I suppose I could,” he finally said. “Inuyasha knows better than to let Rin get in trouble.”

Another subject it was better not to speak on. Sesshomaru’s adopted daughter was the apple of his eye, and he was, perhaps, just a little overprotective. Some had tried to point it out to him, but they’d learned that he didn’t take kindly to comments on his parenting, something no one in school ignored, at this point.

Unfortunately — for herself —, Kagura had never been really good at not speaking her mind, and there was only so much she could hold back in one night, especially for the same guy.

“Rin’s perfectly capable of getting in and out of trouble if she chooses to. I doubt there’s much Inuyasha could do to stop her from doing that.” I doubt there’s much you could do to stop her from doing that.

Sesshomaru glared at her in silence for a few seconds, but that wasn’t nearly long enough for Kagura to regret speaking her mind.

“Why would Rin want to do that?” he finally asked.

“She’s sixteen,” Kagura shrugged. “She might want to… experiment.” Like with that Kohaku kid I’m positive you don’t know about. “Are you coming or what?”

Sesshomaru looked over his shoulder one last time, sighed deeply, then nodded. Kagura deemed to be an absolute win. He was by no means talkative, after all, and this conversation had gone well enough, considering who it was with.

“Let’s get to my room,” she said, tilting her head towards the door. “Yours is depressing.”

By that, she meant there was a plain, black board — because Sesshomaru refused to change it to a white one — and nothing else. Evenly spaced desks, one larger one for him, no books, no posters, no nothing.

“And yours is too full of useless things,” he replied, frowning ever so slightly. “You should throw them out as soon as you’ve finished that project.”

Kagura let out a horrified exclamation. She could never do that. She knew what it felt like, when someone threw out something you’d poured your heart into, and she didn’t see the need for her pupils to experience that just yet. Of course, she couldn’t keep everything, and at the end of the year, she did have to throw away things that were left, but it had never crossed her mind to do that during the year.

“My room,” she argued as the two of them walked through the silent hallways, “is pretty and the students are happy to come here. I doubt you can say the same thing.”

“I’ve never heard anyone complain.”

“That’s because they’re terrified of you!”

In the dimly lit hallways, she missed the half-smile that curved Sesshomaru’s lips while the two of them argued. Even if she’d seen it, she would probably have assumed she’d imagined it, and yet, it was there. Sesshomaru was enjoying himself.

With a frustrated sigh, she pushed the doors to her room and let him in, turning on the light to reveal a place she was genuinely proud of. On the walls hung finished products, on the tables, paintings were still drying, and on the shelves were the results of that time they had tried pottery. Inuyasha probably hadn’t been happy that she had used his ex’s contact information to find a teacher for that, but he hadn’t said anything about it.

He’d just hidden in the gymnasium all day.

“There,” she said, satisfied with the scene. Esthetically, maybe it wasn’t the most pleasing sight, but she could see all the efforts poured into this work. She knew what belonged to which student, by name. She knew which themes had felt the most personal to whom, she knew…

Ugh, she was getting all mushy now.

“Let’s drink,” she said, pulling out the two bottles she’d gotten off of Hiten and Manten earlier.

But Sesshomaru wasn’t listening to her. Instead, he stepped closer to one of the walls and examined it in silence. Kagura narrowed her eyes at him. What exactly was he… Ah.

“Fractals,” he said, a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Yeah, well, an assignment that was inspired by fractals,” Kagura said, rolling her eyes. She started tapping her fingernails on the wood of the desk she was sitting on. This was more embarrassing than she’d thought it would be. Not that she’d thought about it much, actually, otherwise she probably wouldn’t have done it. “Are we drinking or what?”

Sesshomaru looked at her over his shoulder.

“I do not think that is a very good idea. We need to look out for the students. We cannot do that drunk.”

Why did he have to be so reasonable all the time?

“Why fractals?”

Kagura pushed herself off the desk with a sigh and walked to his side.

“Well, I was looking into some geometrical things,” for no reasons whatsoever, “and I thought fractals were… an interesting theme. Most kids went for a mirror type of thing, but some took more interest in the snowflake shape and others on…” She sighed, but couldn’t quite contain her amused smile. “The Triforce, I guess.”

Sesshomaru watched her as she spoke. Kagura was always passionate about things. When she cared about things, it was obvious in her voice, in her attitude. Right now, her eyes shone as she examined her students’ project, her lips curved into a smile he knew she couldn’t quite control. She smirked, a lot, but she always looked like she was caught off-guard when she realized she was genuinely smiling.

“That isn’t a bad idea to get them interested,” Sesshomaru conceded, voice perhaps softer than it usually was. “To pick things they can— have fun making, I suppose.”

“Well, we don’t all have that luxury,” Kagura grinned, shooting him a wink. “You’d have trouble doing that, wouldn’t ya?”

Sesshomaru rose an eyebrow, and took a step towards her. Kagura tried to step back, only to realize her back was already against the wall. She swallowed as the tall, white-haired man leaned towards her, towering over her even though she was wearing high heels. Curse him and his stupid height…

“Is that a challenge, Kagura?” he asked, and God, his voice was doing all sorts of things to her.

She didn’t think he’d used her name before. She found she quite liked it.

“Might be,” she replied, lifting her chin defiantly. “I’m pretty sure even if you tried, you couldn’t get your students interested.”

Something dark briefly lit up in his golden eyes, and Sesshomaru sighed.

“You’re an impossible woman,” he said, possibly for himself more than for her.

“Yeah, I kind of pride myself on—”

Sesshomaru kissed her. At first, it felt brusque, his lips crashing against hers but remaining immobile, his body so completely tense against hers.

Kagura reacted immediately. She didn’t try to understand it, didn’t stop to consider whether or not that was a good idea. Before she could have any form of cohesive thoughts, she was pushing herself against him, her hands were in his hair as she pulled him down against her. If that took him by surprise, he didn’t show it. In a second, he’d pulled her away from the wall and lifted her onto a desk, where she promptly wrapped her legs around his waist.

She’d thought about this for years, wondered of what he’d taste like, how his body would feel against hers. His warmth, seeping through his clothes, was almost surprising, opposed to his  usual cold demeanor. His large hands, his long fingers, moved slowly, up her legs, then on her waist, as he took his time to discover her body. It was the clash of her passion, her impatience, and his slow deliberateness.

When he pulled away from her, she let out an annoyed whimper, but didn’t try to hold him back. Instead, she took in the sight of him in that moment, and it made her smirk. She liked the way he looked right now. Disheveled, shirt all creased,  tie half-undone, hair a mess. She liked the way his lips parted as he tried to steady his breathing. She knew that in a second, he would look as tidy as ever, but for now, she enjoyed a sight she doubted many people has set their eyes on before.

He cleared his throat and averted his eyes, and her smile widened. It only lasted a second before he did compose himself again, and when he looked back at her, it was gone.

“I think it’s time we go back. Shall we?” he asked, offering her his hand.

Kagura took it and jumped from the desk, quickly smoothing out her skirt. It wasn’t her first rodeo, and she knew she could make herself look perfectly presentable before she walked back into the gym.

“You should give that back to Hiten’s parents,” Sesshomaru added, pointing at the bottles she’d abandoned by the door. “He probably took it from them.”

She rolled her eyes. He just had to know everything better than everyone else, didn’t he? Fine. She would. Because, of course, it was the right, smart thing to do. It was just very annoying. Ugh. The things she was doing because she liked him…

She grabbed his tie and took to straightening it, and he went very quiet. His face didn’t express any emotion, but he didn’t have to for her to be able to read him. Pulling him forward, she planted a quick kiss on his lips.

“Watch out, professor,” she whispered huskily, “you have some lipstick there.”

Then she took a step back, winked at him, and disappeared through the door.

Sesshomaru spent long seconds there, regaining control of his breathing. He couldn’t explain to himself what was different about Kagura. Everything about her was fascinating. The way she moved, the way she talked, the was she smiled. She brought color to his mostly dull, black and white world, something only his adopted daughter had been able to do before. He had never really considered acting on — whatever it was he was feeling, until tonight.

Now he couldn’t stop thinking about when to do it again.

It was a shame the year was ending, but they’d both still be here for the next one. At the thought, his lips curved into a smile.

He would be looking forward to it.

Hiii, thanks for reading! I’m tentatively coming back on Tumblr so you might see more of me in the next days. I don’t think I’ll be engaging with any content from the sequel, at least for the time being though. Hope you enjoyed this piece I wrote while I was gone!

[gladdygirl18]

Taking the Time to Laugh

Summary: Young Peter had a rough week at school. When the weekend hits, he still pushes himself to study and stop whatever little crime he can catch. Let’s just say some certain Avengers remind him to have fun every once in a while.

Word Count: 2676

Monday, the start of another week of high school for Peter. Everything goes by smoothly; got an A+ on a physics project he got last week, stopped a bank robbery during his lunch period, and somehow was still able to make it back to school on time, nothing major.

Tuesday. Okay, it was a little harder today. Flash, of course, picked on Peter again just for fun, had 2 tests back-to-back; good thing he studied, and he stopped a jail break during his lunch period.

Wednesday. Peter was late to school because of a jewelry store robbery. Had to study for a test that was at the end of the week, and saved hundreds of lives from a train before it derailed. Seriously, Queens, give the kid a break.

Thursday. Does the city of Queens WANT Spider-Man to die? Seriously, Peter had to stop 3 bank robberies, 2 jewelry heists, and 2 thefts. On top of that, he had a history test, a math test, AND a Spanish test that day.

Friday. Finally, the week is over. Peter had a physics test that day, which he wasn’t too worried about. Got A’s on all his previous tests that week. During his lunch period, he saved a bus full of people that almost went for a swim into the Hudson.

Peter was as happy as a dog when it gets a bone. The week was finally over, which means he can spend the weekend studying and sleeping at Avengers HQ. Swinging across the buildings from his school, he soon arrived at the Avengers Facility. Walking inside, he was greeted with cold, dead silence. Letting out a sigh, Peter looked up at the ceiling.

“FRIDAY, where is everyone?” he asked.

“The Avengers are out on a mission in Switzerland. Do you want me to contact them?” she asked.

“No, no. It’s okay.”

Thanking the AI, Peter dragged his tired legs to his room. Reaching his room, Peter walked inside and threw himself on his bed.

“FRIDAY wake me up in 4 hours please. I want to study for a bit before tomorrow.” Peter said.

“Of course, Mr. Parker.” the AI said politely.

Letting out a tired sigh, the young Spider-Man was asleep in no time. After four long hours, FRIDAY woke the kid up to a very deafening alarm. Peter flipped onto the ceiling in shock like a scared cat. Remembering what he had asked the AI to do, the kid calmed down and jumped down from the ceiling.

“Hey FRIDAY, are the others back?” Peter asked, hoping that if they were back, they didn’t hear the alarm.

“No, they are still in Switzerland. Do you want me to contact them?” she asked.

“No thanks.”

Peter looked at the time and saw that it was already past 7. Shaking off the drowsiness, Peter took out his textbooks and notes, and started studying. He even asked FRIDAY to quiz him after an hour of studying in solitude. After what felt like hours, the kid finally stopped his studying and decided to go to bed.

“FRIDAY, do you know when the others are going to be back?” Peter asked.

“I do not know.” was all the AI said.

Nodding silently, the kid put on his sleepwear and was out like a light in no time. The new day dawned, and the Saturday sun spilled into Peter’s room through the closed blinds. Feeling the warm sun on his face, Peter cracked his eyes open and let out a small yawn. Sitting up, he stretched out his arms and let out another yawn.

“Come on, body... Move...” Peter said tiredly.

The kid pushed his legs off the side of the bed until he was lying in a very awkward position. Groaning in discomfort and frustration, he shot two web strands at his walls and used them to hoist himself up. Walking into his bathroom, he washed his face and brushed his teeth.

“Ugh, I’ve gotta stop with the late-night studying...” Peter reminded himself.

It was a small habit of Peter’s that he couldn’t control. Like his Aunt May always says, “Do what you NEED to do that way you can do what you WANT to do.”

“No pain, no gain, I suppose.” Peter said, to himself.

Slapping his cheeks to keep himself awake, he walked out of his room and was greeted by the sounds of voices.

“They’re back.” Peter said to himself.

Looking over the balcony from upstairs, he saw his fellow teammates relaxing in the living room. Smiling, the kid walked downstairs to join them. Hearing footsteps, a certain super soldier turned around to see the kid walking towards them.

“Afternoon kid.” Steve said.

The others that were there, Clint, Bucky, and Sam, turned to the kid and smiled.

Afternoon!? How long have I been sleeping? Peter thought.

Looking up at the clock, he saw that it was a quarter past 2.

“Hey Parker.” Clint said.

“Hey guys. How was Switzerland?” Peter asked while taking a seat next to the Hawkeye.

Sam leaned his head back and let out a frustrated groan.

“Cold. Very cold.” he said.

“We’re used to it.” said the two super soldiers.

“Why am I not surprised?” Clint asked.

The kid nodded with a fond smile. Peter leaned against the armrest of the sofa and let out a yawn.

“Hey kid. You okay?” Bucky asked.

All Peter did was nod.

“Rough morning?” Steve asked.

Peter shook his head no.

“More like a rough week.” Peter said.

“Mind telling us?” Sam asked.

Peter let out a sigh before facing the four older Avengers.

“Well, the start of the week was good, but then it all went to hell after that. Just this week alone, I had to stop 4 bank robberies, 2 thefts, 2 jewel heists, had to save hundreds of people from a train before it derailed, had to stop a jail break, and save some people on a bus before they took a swim in the Hudson. On top of that, high school is being a pain in the ass. I think I had at least 5 or 6 tests this week alone...” Peter said.

The kid looked at the Avengers and saw that they were all staring at him in shock.

“One question... How?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, Mr. Wilson. And to make it worse, I did some really late studying for a test this upcoming week... Ugh, I just need rest...” Peter said.

His vibrating phone soon took him out of his thoughts. Checking the NEWS, he saw that there was a jewel heist downtown. Letting out a sigh, he got up from the sofa and started heading for the door.

“Whoa, hey, where are you going?” Steve asked.

“Jewel heist downtown,” Peter said.

“Nu uh. No way. Let the police handle that. You stay here and rest.” Clint said.

“I have to go because for the past week, I’ve been doing the police’s job.”

Without another word, the kid ran out of the facility and swung into action. The four older Avengers looked at each other in disbelief.

“The kid’s gonna work himself dead if he keeps this up.” Sam said.

“Preach to that notion.” Clint said.

“What are we going to do? Even if we try to force him, his honest to God pure heart won’t let innocent people die on his watch.” Steve said.

“He’s an Avenger for a reason.” Bucky said with a smile.

The other three agreed with silent nods.

“Well, what else can we do?” Clint asked.

The four of them sat in silence trying to come up with a solution. After a while, Sam snapped his fingers when he came up with an idea.

“We may not be able to stop the kid from overworking himself, but we can remind him what fun he’s missing out on if he keeps working.” Sam said.

“Care to elaborate?” Steve asked.

Sam smiled and gladly explain his plan to his friends. The kid didn’t come back until 5. While he was swinging back to the facility, he saw a back robbery and stopped it. His spidey powers are supposed to help him recover after tiresome things, such as school and crimes. They were not helping. When Peter got back to HQ, he was met with silence.

“They probably went out to Switzerland again.” Peter said, chuckling to himself.

Walking into the living room, he plopped down on the sofa and breathed out a heavy sigh. Peter then let out a loud yelp when he felt something pull him down to the floor. His attempts to fight off his attackers were short-lived when his arms were held out to the side of him. He then felt weight being added on his waist. Looking up, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was Clint and Bucky.

“Guys, what are you doing?” Peter asked, stuggling in the Winter Soldier’s grip.

“Nothing too farfetched, Spidey-Boy.” Clint replied.

“Okay, then why do you have me pinned down against my will?”

Bucky couldn’t help but let a giggle escape when the kid said that.

“We’re just reminding you to have fun.” said a familiar voice.

The kid looked up and saw Sam and Steve walk in out of nowhere.

“W-What does that mean?” Peter asked nervously.

“You have nothing to fret, kid. This won’t hurt at all. Trust me.” Steve said.

Peter struggled in the Winter Soldier’s grip, but his strength and metal arm made it impossible to get loose. Plus, Hawkeye’s weight making it difficult to buck him off.

“Riddle me this, kid. Have you ever heard the phrase; laughter is the best medicine?” Bucky asked, putting emphasis on his question.

Peter’s struggling almost became twice as violent when he heard that phrase. His Uncle Ben always said that phrase when Peter was young and sad. After the phrase being proclaimed, he was reduced to a puddle of giggling mess.

“I’ll take his struggling as a yes.” Clint said.

“Well, don’t wanna keep the kid waiting, do we?” Steve asked.

Nodding to one another, they all pounced at once, their fingers raking, scribbling, and wiggling all over the kid’s defenseless body. Peter literally screamed in laughter when they all pounced at him.

“Oh my Gohohohohohohohohod! Stahahahahahahahahahahap! Plehehehehehehehease!” Peter begged.

“Stop? We only just started!” Sam said cheerfully, kneading his fingers into the kid’s ribcage.

Peter gave a small buck when he felt the weird sensation on his ribs.

“Stohohohohohohop! Thahahahahahahahat feels sohohohohoho weird!” Peter cried.

“It’s called being ticklish, kid.” Bucky said bluntly.

Steve placed a hand on the kid and vibrated his hand all over the poor kid’s belly. Peter shook his head back and forth, trying not to think about the ticklish sensations all over his body. Easier said than done if you ask me.

“Yohohohohohohou’ve hahahahahahahad your fuhuhuhuhuhuhun! Now plehehehehehehehease stohohohohohop!” Peter cried.

“We’ll stop once you say that you’ll stop overworking yourself and take time off to have fun with us.” Steve said.

Peter couldn’t even respond. His childish laughter was getting in the way of every sentence he tried to form.

“You know Parker, everyone has a weak spot. Do you have one?” Clint asked.

“Nohohohohoho!” Peter answered.

“Liar.” Bucky said.

Holding Peter’s arms down with his metal arm, Bucky scribbled his fingers right below the kid’s armpits. Peter gave a small buck and his laughter reached a new volume.

“NOHOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHRE!” Peter begged.

The four Avengers smiled almost menacingly down at the kid. Clint soon hiked hands upwards, inching closer and closer to the kid’s armpits.

“MR. BAHAHAHAHAHARTON PLEHEHEHEHEASE DOHOHOHOHON’T!” the kid begged.

“Sorry kid, I just gotta know.” the Hawkeye said.

Once his hands were in his target, Peter first fell limp with laughter before his struggling turned into violent thrashing.

“Looks like we struck gold.” Sam said.

“More like we struck diamond. Look at him.” Steve said.

What Captain America appeared sound. The kid’s laughter was louder than ever, and his thrashing was getting more and more violent. Not a problem for Bucky. He had Peter’s wrists locked down tight. The kid wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP! I CAHAHAHAHAHAHAN’T TAKE ANY MOHOHOHOHOHOHOHORE!” Peter cried out.

“Too ticklish, Spider-Boy?” Bucky asked, grinning down at the kid’s laughing face.

Peter cracked opened one of his eyes to look at the Winter Soldier. Bad decision. They say if you look at your tickler, the tickling becomes a hundred times worse. Apparently, no one told Peter Parker this information. Bucky was grinning like the devil himself. And with his long hair blocking the light in the room, it made him look ten times scarier. Honest to God, Peter’s laughter reached a new octave and volume.

“GUYS STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” Peter begged.

“You know what to do to make us stop. Say that you’ll stop overworking yourself and take time off to have fun with us.” Sam said.

“I CAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN’T! QUEENS IHHIHIHIHIHIHIS COHOHOHOHOHOUNTING ON MEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!”

“All I hear is excuses...” Clint groaned.

Taking a gamble, Steve started kneading Peter’s inner thigh and got a really good reaction out of it.

“DOHOHOHOHOHON’T DO THAHAHAHAHAHAHAT!” Peter cried.

“What? This?” Steve asked, kneading the kid’s thighs again.

The kid’s laughter fell on deaf ears. His face was beat red, tears streaming down his shut eyes, and nothing but cute, childish was being produced.

“COHOHOHOHOHOHOHOME OHOHOHOHOHOHON! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!” Peter begged.

“You have the power to stop all this, yet you refuse to do so. Why is that, Mr. Parker?” Bucky asked.

Peter couldn’t form a word; he was laughing so much.

“I think he needs more persuasion.” Bucky said.

Holding down Peter’s wrists with his knees, he slid his fingers into the kid’s sleeves and attacked his bare armpit. Peter honest to God screamed out a new stream of laughter.

“BUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUCKY NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! GET YOUR HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAND OUT! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” Peter begged.

“Oh, I get it.” Clint said, catching onto the Winter Soldier’s plan.

Nodding to the Falcon, the two of them snaked their hands under the kid’s shirt and teased the sensitive skin. Peter started to buck and thrash like a bull.

“YOHOHOHOHOHOHOU GUYS ARE SOHOHOHOHOHOHO MEHEHEHEHEAN! STAHAHAHAHAHAP!” Peter cried.

“Just say what we wanna hear, kid. This’ll all be over if you just say what we want you to say.” Steve said.

If they didn’t stop now, Peter was surely going to pass out from lack of oxygen.

“ALRIHIHIHIHHIHIHIHIGHT! I’LL STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP OVERWORKING MYSEHEHEHEHEHEHEHELF!” Peter cried.

“And?” the four Avengers inquired.

“I’LL STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHART TAHAHAHAHAHAHAKING TIME OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOFF TO HAVE FUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUN! JUST PLEASE STOP!”

Once he said that, the four men removed their hands from the kid’s body. Peter’s chest rose and fell slowly while he took in the much needed air. His heart felt like he was going to explode.

“You good kid?” Sam asked.

Peter panted but was still able to nod towards the Falcon.

“Sorry if we overdid it a bit.” Clint said.

“A bit!? I felt like I was gonna die!” Peter cried sitting straight up.

Hawkeye shrugged with a smile. Thinking back to his rough week, he let a wide, genuine smile form.

“I guess I have been working myself to the bone lately,” he said.

“After hearing how your week was, we couldn’t feel more sympathetic for you.” Steve said.

“You may be called Spider-Man, but sometimes you gotta remember that you’re still a kid.” Bucky said.

“Yeah, a kid with a lot of responsibilities.”

Bucky looked at the kid with an annoyed smug look.

“But I get your point. I’ll try and stop working myself to the bone and try and start having fun... with my family...” the kid said.

The four men smiled at being called family.

“So, Parker, what do you want to do now?” Steve asked.

Peter thought for a while before a smiled loomed on his face.

“Well, I guess I can get my revenge on you guys...” Peter said with a malicious smile.

For the rest of the afternoon, Peter was able to exact his revenge on his family. And in truth, the Avengers were his family, in more ways than one.

Hope you enjoyed! Stay Safe, Stay Blessed!

[chappedandfadedvds]

Jan 18th, Monday 12:22

Jens sat at the table next to Robbe. Aaron and Moyo across of them talking about some hot girl that moved next to Moyo. He wasn’t really following along. His mind kept trailing off or blanking out at random moments throughout their conversation. Currently he daydreamed while he picked at the carrots on his plate.

Lies had left very late last night and he had woken to an empty bed and his father had called him to confirm the time tomorrow again. Then there was still the ongoing silence from Lucas.

It wasn’t bad day per se, it wasn’t a good one either. It was all pretty meh.

A meh day.

That fit it best.

Robbe’s elbow suddenly poked his arm in an attempt for attention.

„What?“ Jens called, after the third time the pointy bone had dug into his side, a little annoyed at his best friend. Who knew well enough, that Jens didn’t felt like talking today.

„Your phone.“ Robbe only replied unbothered by the tone in Jens’s voice. And secretly Jens was relieved, he hadn’t meant to snap at Robbe.

„Oh.“ And indeed his phone’s screen had lit up from where it laid next to the tray on the table. „Thank you.“

„Anytime.“ His best friend said, but it wouldn’t be him, if he wouldn’t lean over to throw a glance at the notification. Jens had taken the phone and had tried to keep the message to himself, it just hadn’t worked.

Lucas 11:48: follow me

„Mysterious.“

Robbe’s reaction was ignored by Jens’s head darting up and around to search for the young boy inside the cafeteria. It wasn’t even as packed, as class times were off and some courses held online given the everchanging regulations.

So he spotted Lucas fairly quick. 

Jens saw him standing next to the entrance, his gaze steady and it was hard to tell, if it would be something good or bad, as Lucas watched him rather indifferent.

„Go. And tell me later!“ Robbe decidedly commanded him, as he began to push up his best friend from the chair and Jens was inclined to sit back down, just to spite him. Instead he quickly grabbed his jacket and backpack to make his way over.

Lucas waited for him until he was just a couple steps away and then the younger boy turned around and lead them through emptied hallways. They reached the one that they usually had met up inbetween classes over the last weeks of school.

The two boys stood by the window and let their stuff fall to the floor.

Lucas looked out, while Jens’s eyes were strictly on him.

„I think, I’m done thinking.“ The younger boy declared. Suddenly his gaze on Jens, who was startled by his fear of what the conclusion would be.

His breath was short and his blood rushing through his body. 

Please, Jens silently begged, let us be okay.

Without another word or warning, Lucas took Jens’s hand. The tips of his fingers fitted perfectly into his own palm, Jens thought, as he watched them holding onto each other.

„So does that mean we are not over?“ Jens asked soft-spoken while he looked back up.

„I’m afraid I’m incapable of breaking up with you Jens.“  Lucas replied, a smile tugged to his lips that made Jens’s heart jump, before he grinned himself. „Yes, you idiot, it means we are doing this.“

„Alright.“ Jens said, his grin growing brighter under the new light of the situation.

„But!“

And then it faltered again.

„But?“ Jens repeated in question, the uneasy feeling in his stomach back and more present than ever. But, wasn’t good, Jens decided. Lucas tilted his head with a sigh, as he squeezed Jens’s hand.

„Let’s maybe think about how we can figure out to talk to each other better.“

„Yes, yes of course.“ Jens immediately concured as he regained his poise. Anything. Jens would have been fine with anything and this wasn’t unachievable. They could manage that. Jens was pretty convinced of it.

„Alright.“ Lucas nodded, both indulging in the familiarity of their shared space. „And if we are doing this, then I want to say something.“

„Go for it.“

„So yesterday you have talked a lot about how scared you are to steal me of all the hook-ups and relationships and opportunities I could have, if I wouldn’t be with you. You made it pretty clear, that you were afraid I would start to resent you and though I can’t see into the future I want you to believe me when I say that that isn’t going to happen, okay? But obviously you are as stubborn as one gets and thus I was thinking and.“ Lucas’s free hand fished a neatly folded piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket, that he passed onto Jens. „Here.“

Jens’s eyes darted back and forth between the paper in his hand and the worried look on the younger boy’s face.

„What is this?“ 

„Sign it and give it back.“ Lucas only said, as he untangled his fingers from Jens’s The older boy confused by what was going on.

„What?“ Jens therefore provided quite dumbfounded.

„Just do it.“

„Okay.“

He placed the pen on the window sill next to them, and then proceeded to open the folded piece of paper. It didn’t say much, anything really. But there was a date and Lucas’s name and space for his. A single sentence above: Get out of jail free.

„This is my get-out-of-Jens’s-jail card, I get to pull it if I ever should feel trapped, like you say I will be some day. Hope it will make you feel better, now that I can just throw this at you.“

„You are ridiculous.“

Jens huffed a laugh, while he went to take the pen and put his signature down. He shook his head amused by the silly things Lucas apparently could come up with, as he handed the stuff back over towards the younger boy. Both of them smirking at each other.

„I know.“ Lucas simply proclaimed, looking rather pleased with himself.

„You are going to be a great lawyer.“ Jens said. And meant it.

„Oh about that.“ The younger boy suddenly seemed to be reminded of something. „Robbe and me have looked into universities to apply to and I’m actually thinking about applying to the one here in Antwerp.“

„What? Why? There are clearly better options for you, right? You are smart, you should go to the best one or something.“ 

Jens really didn’t wanted to see the younger boy’s potention to go to waste. Lucas should try to get the best education and chances out there.

„I’m not saying I won’t apply to others as well. Definitely including Leiden, but I actually like it here and I know that at least Kes will try to move to Amsterdam, so it isn’t that I’d go back to Utrecht anyway.“ Lucas explained, while his hand was back in Jens’s. „And you are here, of course.“

„I’m beginning to like your idea with the card you made. Because I’m really doubting you to make the right desicion here.“

It was dumb to stay for Jens. Not that the older boy wasn’t hoping to keep Lucas with him, also after this school year would be over. However, with Lotte, it was pretty clear that Jens wouldn’t move away anytime soon. 

It also brought up a train of thoughts, that Jens wasn’t sure had seriously occured to him before. He had somewhat expected for Lucas to have to move back to Utrecht once his mom’s study ended. But that would definitely imply a long-distance relationship that Jens wouldn’t wanted to agree to. 

So it would actually be nice, if Lucas would just stay. They wouldn’t have to break up.

But it also really wouldn’t be wise to accept a lesser renowned university, if Lucas could as well study in Leiden or in the Uk or somewhere else. Anywhere, where a name would open him doors in the future. And only to be with Jens, who wasn’t even sure what to do with himself after graduation.

„Jens, stop overthinking it right now. Please, just let me decide for myself, okay?“

Perhaps he had shown the conflict in his expression. Perhaps Lucas just really came to know Jens better than himself. And that was what Lucas had wanted after all. For Jens to no longer assume to know better.

„Okay.“ Jens agreed, trying to stop his mind from making a list, why that decision wasn’t a good one.

„Okay.“ Lucas said, while he leaned over to poke  Jens’s nose with his. „Now. Kiss me, before we head back.“

Jens laughed, assured that he wouldn’t be able to say no, and followed the playful order that the younger boy had whispered against his lips.

__ __ __ tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

[axwalker]

Tears in Heaven 9: Awakening

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

Pairings:  Drake x MC Liam x MC (TRR)

Warnings:  NO ONE UNDER 18 should read this story. This is an 18+ blog.

This story will deal with very dark subjects such as death, severe depression and suicide attempt (among others) if you’re triggered by any of those issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY

A/N: We’re close to the end! After this one, there will be only one more chapter and the epilogue.  

To catch up: Masterlist

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word count: 6 700

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton, Brown-eyed girl by Van Morrison.

Thank you, @burnsoslow for being an amazing friend, Beta reader and correcting and editing so many grammar and English mistakes.  @pedudley for pre reading and your great feedback and huge support. 

I LOVE YOU ❤️

As she drove, Alexis’ mind swiveled around all the things she had learned that day.

Especially about Drake. After all, he had been through, he still had come back for her. He still loved her. And that kiss. That amazing kiss that had made her feel alive, excited, and extremely confused.

She almost ran across the estate’s hallways and corridors, until she reached her fiancé’s office. He went to kiss her as soon as she walked into the room. “I wasn’t expecting you today, love; I was going to send you the driver tomorrow morning,” Liam said.

“I came early because I really needed to talk to you.”

The seriousness of her tone made Liam anxious. “A scotch?”

“A whiskey, and make it double, please,” Alexis replied, raking her hand through her hair.

Liam took a bottle of each and poured the drinks. He handed her the whiskey and watched her gulp it. “What’s the matter, Alexis?”

Alexis decided that it was better to go straight to the point. “We didn’t sign the divorce agreement, Liam. I asked for a one-week extension.”

Liam glared at her; his firm grip clutched the whiskey glass he was holding. “What does that mean?” he asked, unable to hide the icy tone of his voice.

“It means that I need time to process everything that I learned about Drake today.” She sat on the couch across from him. “I think you know what I’m talking about.” Alexis fixed her eyes on his, hoping he’d tell her the truth himself.

Liam’s heart sank; he did know exactly what she was talking about. “Drake told you that he came back to see you, but I stopped him.”

“You stopped him? You lied to him! You told him I didn’t want to see him! You lied to me!” she raged. “Is there anything else?”

“I gave him the letter you wrote before you tried to kill yourself,” he said firmly, without taking his eyes off of her.  

Alexis gasped, horrified. “You did what!? Drake didn’t say anything about my letter. How the hell could you do something like that, Liam?”

“I had to be sure that he wasn’t going to come back, and the only way to do it was if he understood how desperate you had been, so I gave him the letter.”

“Fuck, Liam! You betrayed me.” Alexis threw her hands in the air. “You knew. Better than anyone else, you knew how much I missed him. How much I suffered because he never came back. And you didn’t care,” she seethed.

Liam let out a sardonic laugh. “It’s very easy to judge me now that you’re doing better. When I made that decision, you were broken; you were fragile and weak.” Liam tapped his index finger on the table as he spoke. “We fought for months to bring you back to life, to create a routine, and when you were finally strong enough to leave that horrible place, Mr. Walker decides to come back from wherever the hell he was and disturb you. Well, I wasn’t going to let him.”

“In prison. Drake was in prison,” Alexis answered, fuming.

Liam shook his head in disbelief. “What? That can’t be true.”

“It is. He got into a stupid fight the night before coming back to Cordonia and spent almost a year in jail. When he was released, he went straight to the hospital to see me, but you stopped him,” Alexis said accusingly.

Liam’s mind spiraled. He remembered that day clearly; he recalled how desperate Drake was to see Alexis, how broken and lost he seemed. “Maybe, love. But that doesn’t change anything. Drake wasn’t stable -- he wasn’t good for you.”

“We lost our son, Liam!” she yelled. “Of course, he was unstable; of course, I was broken. Things were messy and complicated, but lying to him, to me, wasn’t the answer.”

“Drake poisoned you …”

“This isn’t about Drake, Liam! This is about you and me. About our relationship.” Alexis’ eyes filled with tears. “I trusted you with my life. I had you on a fucking pedestal.” She angrily wiped the tears off her cheeks. “You have no idea how much this hurts. I thought you were the only person who had my back. And it turns out you were lying to me.”

“I’m sorry, love. It breaks my heart to see you like this, but I stand by my choice. Perhaps you’ve forgotten how bad you were, but I haven’t.”

“Oh, I know you haven’t. Me neither. And that’s why I can forgive that lie, the first one. The problem is that you lied for years. Every single time the subject came up, you could’ve said something, but you never did. And you made up a whole story about how you had lost my letter. All lies.” The disappointment in her eyes was heart-wrenching. “How am I ever going to trust you again?”

Liam sat on the chair in front of her and took her hands between his. “You have to believe me, Alexis. I wouldn’t have done anything like this if I didn’t think it was for your own well-being. Please, my love, try to understand.” He kissed her hands, trying to get closer to her. “I can’t lose you, not over this. I know I should have confessed the truth earlier, but I was scared you were going to leave me.”

Alexis heard the desperate edge in his voice, and the last four years of her life flashed through her mind. This was the man that had saved her life and given her everything. The man that was willing to sacrifice having an heir for her. As angry as she was with him, deep down, she knew he only had lied to protect her. “I’ll try to understand, Li; I promise. But it’s going to be difficult to trust you again.” Alexis stirred in her chair, uneasy. She had to be honest, too. “There’s else something else I have to tell you.” She took a deep breath. “Drake and I kissed.”

“I’m going to kill him,” he threatened, furious.

Alexis sighed. “Liam, please calm down.”

“How can you ask me to do that?” he raged. “You kissed him, and then you come here to talk about betrayal? I did what I did to protect you, but I’d never do something like this.”

“There’s no excuse for lying to me all these years, Liam. But I shouldn’t have kissed Drake either. I’m sorry,” she said earnestly.

“Are you leaving me? Is that why you didn’t sign the papers?”

“No, I’m not. I gave you my word, Liam. I just needed time to process everything. I’m telling you about the kiss because I don’t want to lie to you.”

He sighed, trying to gain some composure. “Is that it?” he asked coldly.

“I’m going to go to Drake’s cabin on my son’s birthday. We’re finally emptying his room.” She bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry.

“No,” Liam stated determinedly. “That is not going to happen.”

Alexis turned her head to him. “I’m not asking for your permission, Liam. I’m telling you that I’ll go. This is something I have to do whether you agree with it or not.”

“Fuck, Alexis! Do you think that I don’t want you to go because I’m, what, jealous?” He shook his head. “Do I need to remind you how you get every time we talk about Tom? For God’s sake, you can’t say his name. You don’t even celebrate your own birthday because it’s so close to Tom’s. You’re not ready for this, Alexis. I forbid it.”

“We never talk about him, Liam. Never,” she emphasized. “I know how I got, but I’m not the same woman I was four years ago. Hell, I’m not the same woman I was a year ago. I wasn’t able to get out of bed a week before his birthday, and this year, here I am. It’s still horribly painful and heartbreaking, and no, I can’t say his name yet, but I think this will help.”

Liam snorted. “Why? Because Drake thinks so?”

“That is what you think of me, isn’t it?” Alexis asked him sadly. “That I can’t make a single decision by myself. That I need you or Drake to make them for me.” She placed her hand on his. “I don’t blame you; I gave you -- both of you -- that power in the past. But I’m done with that, Li. I’m going to the cabin the day after tomorrow, and that’s final.” She kissed him on his cheek. “I’m exhausted. I’ll try to sleep. We can continue this conversation tomorrow.”

Liam nodded silently as a reply. He poured himself another glass of scotch; it was going to be a long night.

Alexis spent the night on the sofa next to the window, desperately trying to make sense out of everything that was happening. However, it was her son’s face that had kept her up all night. Five years ago, she had woken up elated to plan his birthday party. Tears spilled from her eyes when she remembered going with him to the store and choosing the decorations and his cake together. His smile illuminated her life, and now he was gone. Immersed in her memories, she didn’t see Liam coming into their room; he had spent the night in his office. He sat on their bed, looking tired. Alexis finally turned her head, and her chest tightened. She sat next to him on the bed and placed her hand on his leg.

“Li, are you all right?”

“I was up all night thinking about us. About you and Drake, too.” Seeing that she wanted to intervene, he gently placed his thumb on her lips. “Let me finish, my love. I want you to be my wife; I want to love you and make you happy. But I need you to be as sure as I am. I refuse to spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re thinking about him, wishing he was with you instead of me. Next week, either you sign those papers, forget all about Drake, and we’ll get married as planned … or you break off our engagement. I won’t accept anything in between.” He pulled her to him and kissed her. “I love you, Alexis. I’m so sorry that I lied to you, but I need you to know that it was the only time, and I only did it to protect you; I swear.” He placed a goodbye kiss on her forehead and left the room.

After a while, Alexis packed a bag and left for the capital; she needed to be alone in her apartment to think.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later, Alexis pulled over at Drake’s cabin, terribly anxious. She was aware that emptying their son’s room was going to be much more complicated than she had expected, but it was something she needed to do to move on with her life, to get some kind of closure. After taking a sharp, almost painful breath and trying to gather some courage, she got out of the car.

Drake’s heart tugged when he saw her through his kitchen window. It was a horrible day for him too, but he had been preparing for a much longer time than Alexis had.

“Hi, Lexie.”

“Hello, Drake.”

The last time she had been in the cabin, the shock of seeing him again after four years had overshadowed everything else. She hadn’t noticed that the house was exactly as she remembered. Well, it was much tidier now that her mess and her son’s toys weren’t scattered all over the room.

“Coffee?” Drake asked.

She nodded, scared that pronouncing one word would be enough to break her. He smiled at her reassuringly.

As he prepared their coffee, her eyes wandered around the bookcase. Her old books were still there. She grabbed her favorite, an early Spanish edition of One Hundred Years of Solitude, a gift from her late mom.

“You should take it,” Drake said as he handed her the coffee.

“I will,” she answered, but kept on looking at the books, more to delay what was coming than anything else.

Drake sipped his coffee silently as he observed her. Her demeanor was graceful and delicate, but her beautiful features reflected her fears, her sadness. He suddenly realized how much Alexis had had to push herself to do what they were about to do. Drake wished she’d realize how strong she was.

“Do you want to talk before we start?” he asked gently.

“Yes, I do.” They walked into the rustic living room; Drake had already lit the fireplace. Alexis sat in her old favorite spot, a cozy white armchair with fluffy red cushions. Drake sighed; everything seemed strangely familiar, and it was making him feel far more nostalgic than he had expected.

“What are we going to do with his things?” Alexis asked as firmly as she could manage.

“There is an orphanage an hour from here. I already bought some boxes and put them in his room. I think we should donate almost everything, except for the things we want to keep because they’re special to you or me. What do you think?”

Alexis nodded slowly. “I agree.”

For a few minutes, they watched the fire in silence as they drank their coffee. Finally, Drake placed his mug on the wooden center table and spoke. “Shall we, Lexie?”

Alexis barely realized that she was shivering. Maybe Liam was right; perhaps she wasn’t ready to deal with it after all. Drake noticed the change in her breathing and how she seemed unable to stand up. He kneeled down in front of her.

“Lexie, I know it’s hard, but it’s time.” He put his hand on her arm. “I’m scared, too.”

“Are you?” she asked, not really believing him.

“Of course. Terrified. But I think that doing it together will help.”

Drake saw the look of determination in her eyes. The old fierce Alexis was still there somewhere. She stood up, and Drake took her hand. Somehow that gesture made him -- them -- stronger.

When they reached Tom’s room, Drake opened the door, and Alexis gasped. She hadn’t been in it for over four years, but it was exactly as she remembered. Tom’s favorite color was blue, so he wanted everything painted in that tone. The shelves filled with books, a chest with his toys, and even the small bed shaped like a car were all blue. Alexis’ watering eyes wandered through the rest of the room. The Shrek blanket covering the bed. His toys, especially the fire truck that he loved so much. Another armchair, where Drake or she used to sit to read Tom a story. His dozens of stuffed animals. Alexis grabbed one of them, a smiling gray rabbit that he took everywhere he went, the one that was next to him the day he died.

She couldn’t hold it in any longer and started to cry uncontrollably. Drake took her in his arms without a word, wrapping her in his embrace and letting her cry. Noticing that he was silently crying as well, Alexis hugged him tightly in return, finding solace in his strong arms, in their shared grief. They stayed like that for a long time.

“We better start collecting his things,” Alexis said, still in tears but calmer than before.

“I want you to do something for me, Lexie,” he said as he rubbed her cheek. “Say his name.”

Alexis shook her head. “I can’t. It’s stronger than me.”

“Look at me.” When she raised her eyes to him, he added, “Nothing is stronger than you. Nothing. Try,” he pleaded gently.

Alexis closed her eyes and took a deep, painful breath. “Tom,” she whispered.

Drake kissed the top of her head. “I knew you could.”

They started packing his things. Every object that went into the boxes reminded them of a special moment; every single item had a memory attached to it.

“I want to keep Buttons,” she said, showing him the stuffed rabbit.

Drake chuckled softly. “He could barely say the word ‘Buttons.’ We only named him that after that dog you liked so much.”

She smiled softly too. “I know, but I loved it when he tried to pronounce it.”

“Me too.”

Alexis felt the wave of feelings washing over her and closed her eyes; maybe that would prevent the tears from coming back. “What do you want to keep?”

“The truck.” he said, kneeling down to grab it. “It used to drive me crazy when he turned on the siren. And now, I’d give anything to …” He cleared his throat, the intense emotions overwhelming him too.

His glassy eyes and his voice breaking pained her profoundly. She kneeled next to him and hugged him again. “Me too, Drake. I’d give everything to have him back.” He looked into her eyes, feeling instantly comforted by her.

They resumed the arduous task, reminiscing and crying while they packed. The process was complicated, impregnated with deep sorrow. At the end of the afternoon, they were both emotionally and physically drained.

Alexis sat on the plush wool couch next to the fire hugging one of its cushions. Drake handed her a glass of water and sat next to her.

“How do you feel, Lexie?”

She didn’t know how to answer. The sadness and bitter pain in her chest were still there, as sharp as usual. But there was also something else — a sort of relief, of peace, that she hadn’t felt in a long time. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “And you?”

“Me neither,” he replied, protectively circling her body with his arms.

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Leo walked into the library and saw Liam sitting on the couch reading the Cordonian News with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“You might be the last person on earth that still reads an actual paper.” Leo chuckled. When he saw the glass Liam was holding, he joked, “Father must be worried; you’re drinking as much as me lately.”

Liam turned around and smiled at his older brother. “No one drinks more than you do, Leo.”

He chuckled. “That is true, man.” Despite the teasing, Leo was worried about his brother. “Is everything alright, Li?”

Liam gave him an unconvincing nod as a reply, so Leo pressed the matter. “How is Alexis?”

Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted. He decided to confide in his older brother. “I feel her slipping away from me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“Where is she now?” Leo said as he prepared an old fashioned for himself.

“With Drake.” Leo arched his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. “They were going to empty Tom’s room today,” Liam added worriedly.

“Fuck! I can’t even imagine it.” Leo shivered, thinking about Milos. “I have no idea how someone can survive something like that.”

“Alexis is not ready, Leo. She’s not strong enough. She’ll get depressed, and I don’t know if I can do it again. Last time, it almost killed me to see her like that.”

“I think she can handle it, Li. When we came to visit a year ago, she seemed very different than she is now. I think you’re being too hard on her,” Leo affirmed as he stirred his cocktail.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe. What I do know is that your relationship isn’t healthy for either of you. Alexis makes me think of a bird in a gilded cage.” Leo sat on the couch. “And you know how much it pains me to agree with old Connie at all, Li. But I think he was right when he told you that she wasn’t ready to be a duchess. I know this because she’s like me; she’s going to feel suffocated here. And you know that, man.”

Liam cocked his eyebrows. “Wow, you sure have a lot of thoughts about my engagement. Since when have you felt like this?”

“Frankly? Since you got engaged. But I didn’t want to spoil your happiness. I’m sorry, Li, but I have to ask. I know you love her, and I’m sure she does too, but isn’t it tiring for you? Always being worried? Always trying to shield her from everything? It has to be exhausting, brother.”

It was more than exhausting; Liam was permanently on edge. But he’d do it for as long as he had to. “I’m used to it; she needs me.”

“That’s the thing: She shouldn’t need you so much.” Leo shifted his position on the couch to face his brother.

“You just said that you couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose a child, Leo, and now you’re judging her for not being strong enough?”

“You know I love Lexie like a sister, Li. I’m not judging her. Or you. On the contrary, I think she’s strong enough. I think she’s perfectly capable of deciding if she can drive or how to mourn Tom.” Leo toyed with his glass before asking, “When you have a problem, do you share it with her?”

“I don’t want to burden her. She has enough on her plate.” Liam exhaled, exasperated; Leo would never be able to understand how broken Alexis really was. If he had to spend the rest of his life protecting her, he would do it.

“Listen to yourself, Li. That is no way to live. You deserve a partner, someone you trust.” Leo placed his hand on his own chest. “Personally, I believe that you can trust her. That Lexie can take it. But if you don’t, what’s the point?”

“The point is that I love her, Leo!” Liam said, finally raising his voice.

Leo rolled his eyes. “Do you? I think you’ve been in love with her for so long that you’re clinging to a fantasy. To a woman that only exists in your head.” He patted his brother on his back. “I don’t want to mess with you. And you know I’m happy that she’ll be part of our family. Just think about it, Li. Don’t marry her only because you’re too stubborn to admit that you made a mistake.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alexis checked her phone; it was almost 10:00 p.m. “I should go,” she said reluctantly.

After the day they both had had, they needed something that would take their minds off of the grief, the sadness. “Do you want to clear your head?” Drake asked carefully.

“What do you mean?”

“I think it would be good for us to think about something else. There’s a new pub next to the old gas station, and it’s 10 minutes from here; we don’t even need the car.”

Alexis considered it for a few seconds. “Actually, I’d love that,” she answered.

Drake tried to hide his excitement behind a single word. “Perfect.”

“Just give me a minute, I’ll go freshen up a little.” Alexis stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light. She placed her hands on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. The red eyes and smudged mascara made her look wretched. She cleaned the rest of makeup off her face and put a little gloss on, happy to spend an evening with him.

They were in a secluded area surrounded by the forest, but it was Friday night, and O’Malley’s was the only pub in a 100 km radio. The place was packed. Large wooden panels, wool rugs, and leather couches decorated it, making it cozy. A local band was getting ready to play.

“This is just my kind of place,” she grinned.

“I know,” he said, smiling at her. “And they have good whiskey and a pool table. What else do we need?”

Her stomach growled, almost answering for her. “Food?”

“When are you not hungry, Lex?” He chuckled when she playfully rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t worry, they make a mean cheeseburger.”

A guy in his mid-sixties approached their booth. “Hello, Drake.” He shot a look at Alexis. “A girl, huh? That’s new.” He extended his hand. “I’m Dan, gorgeous. You shouldn’t be wasting your time with this one. He does nothing but brood,” Daniel joked in a thick Irish accent. “I’ll be behind the bar if you decide to ditch him,” he added, winking.

Drake shook his head, smiling. “Stop it, old man, you’re only embarrassing yourself.”

Alexis laughed. “I’ll see how this goes, Dan, but I’ll keep you posted. He does seem to brood a little too much.” She winked back. “I’m Alexis, by the way”

An air of understanding crossed Dan’s face. “Oh, Alexis.” He looked at Drake, smiling conspiratorially. “I’ll bring you two a bottle from my personal collection.”

“And two cheeseburgers, Dan. Rare, one with no pickles, please.” Alexis was about to intervene when Drake added, “And extra bacon for the one with no pickles. Something else, my lady?” he asked, a sarcastic smile playing on his lips.

She shook her head, smiling; it was silly how happy Drake made her just because he remembered how she liked a damn cheeseburger. “Thank you, Dan.”

When the owner left, Alexis turned to Drake. “Why am I not surprised that the owner knows you on a first-name basis?” Alexis asked playfully.

Drake chuckled. “I have to admit that I spend a night or two here per week. He’s right, though.”

“About what?” she asked, puzzled.

He looked at her hypnotic brown eyes and bewitching smile. “You’re gorgeous,” Drake said smiling.

She shook her head no. “Please, Drake. I’ve cried all day. My eyes are all puffy, and I’m not even wearing any makeup.”

“Gorgeous,” he whispered again, delighting himself with the charming blush that colored her cheeks.

Alexis tucked her hair behind her ear, biting her lip nervously. Drake smiled; that little gesture of hers drove him so crazy that he had to actively stop himself from leaning to kiss her. He swallowed hard instead.

“I like it here.” Alexis changed the subject. If he kept looking at her like that, she wasn’t going to be able to resist him.

“I found it a week or two after I first came back.”

“Dan seems to know you well.”

“I met him in November. I don’t drink as much as I used to, but I was a wreck that day, completely wasted.” Drake didn’t need to add more; she understood that he was talking about the anniversary of Tom’s death. “It turned out that Dan knew exactly what I was going through. He lost his daughter 15 years ago. Leukemia. He drove me home that night. He’s a good guy, so we became friends; that’s why I come here so often.”

Dan came back with a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. “Dalmore 18 years. So, Alexis, Drake told me that you’re Irish, too.”

Alexis smiled. “Half Irish. My grandpa immigrated from Shannon to the States 60 years ago.”

Dan beamed. “What a coincidence! I’m a Doolin, man myself. To county Clare!” he cheered, raising his glass.

“To county Clare!” she beamed back, and the three of them gulped their tumblers. “Grandpa Noah would’ve loved him,” she said, smiling when Dan left.

The band on the stage started their set with “Hey Jude.” Happily, they weren’t as bad as Drake had feared.

He leaned against his chair. Despite the horrible day they had had, they were actually having a good time. His heart swelled seeing Lexie so comfortable. Usually, she seemed to move as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, but that night, she seemed free, relaxed. The sweet smile Drake could kill for illuminated her face.

Dan brought the hamburgers. They were starving; the smell of grilled meat almost made them drool.

“So is this amazing or what?” Drake asked between bites.

She nodded before putting a piece of crispy bacon in her mouth. “God, it’s delicious,” she answered, savoring it.

Drake took a slug of whiskey as he watched her eat. “I’ve never seen anyone enjoy food as much as you do.”

She laughed. “Stop watching me eat, Walker. It’s creepy.” She stuck out her tongue, making him chuckle again. Feeling curious about his new life, she asked, “How are you feeling now that you’re a veterinarian again?”

“Pretty damn good, actually. I’ve been working at the clinic with Ezequiel, and yesterday I spent the morning at Robert’s stables. Remember Rainbow? She had a little foal.”

“I love that mare.” Robert Ferguson was the first client Drake had ever had. “It’s been years since I rode for the last time. I don’t even know why; there are plenty of horses at Valtoria,” she said pensively.

“And you were very good at it.” Drake smirked. “Well, after I taught you, of course.”

“You didn’t do much, Walker. Bastien said I was a natural,” she replied cockily.

“Ha! A natural disaster.” He raised his hands laughing when she threw a crumpled napkin at him. ”I may have exaggerated there but I don’t remember you complaining when I was teaching you.” He cocked a flirty eyebrow at her.

She blushed, remembering his hands firmly holding her hips when he helped her get into the saddle or the shameless way he looked at her when she was riding. “I’ve always admired how passionate you were about your job,” she said, purposely changing the subject again.

“Me too, I loved how passionate you were about literature.” He toyed with his tumbler. “Are you really done with writing?” She nodded sadly, and his heart tugged. Maybe after some time, he would be able to convince her to write again. “Perhaps you could translate fiction instead of legal documents, Lexie.” Drake’s tone of voice reflected his concern.

“I thought about it,” she answered after the last bite of hamburger, “but I won’t have much time to translate anyway when …” She stopped herself.

“When you become the Duchess of Valtoria.” The hint of disdain in his tone was unmistakable.

“Yes,” she answered simply.

The band started to play “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Her song.  

“Dance with me.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Who are you, and what the hell did you do with Drake Walker?”

He smiled at her remark. The truth was that Morrison’s song brought back too many good memories and that he was dying to hold her in his arms again. “Ha! People change. Plus, it’s your song, remember?” He asked, staring at her.  

They had been married for two years. As a wedding anniversary gift, Alexis had bought tickets to Van Morrison’s concert, Drake’s favorite singer. The first notes of “Brown-Eyed Girl” started to echo through the coliseum. Drake wrapped his arms around Alexis. He pressed his wife’s back tightly against his chest. “This is your song, baby’ you’re my very own brown-eyed girl,” he said into her ear. She grinned. “I love you so much, Drake.” “I love you too, Lexie,” he said before kissing her.

“I do,” Alexis answered softly. “Let’s dance.” She gulped her whiskey and stood up.

A shiver ran through her body as he led her to the dance floor with his large hand strategically placed on the small of her back.

Playin’ a new game

Laughing and a-running hey, hey

Skipping and a-jumping

Drake smiled happily as he pulled her close to him. Having her delicate frame in his arms was more than inebriating. His heart raced while they moved across the dance floor.

In the misty morning fog with

Our hearts a-thumpin’ and you

My brown-eyed girl

You, my brown-eyed girl

Drake cupped and raised Alexis’ face to him. The hammering in her chest got louder when he looked down at her, pouring his chocolate eyes into hers. He mouthed the song’s lyrics as he rubbed her lips with his thumb. Alexis could barely think straight. She was thankful that his strong arms were wrapped around her, holding her firmly.

Whatever happened

To Tuesday and so slow?

Going down the old mine

With a transistor radio

Standing in the sunlight laughing

Hiding behind a rainbow’s wall

Slipping and sliding

All along the waterfall, with you

My brown-eyed girl

You, my brown-eyed girl

Drake pressed her tightly, feeling every inch of Alexis’ soft curves against his body. Wanting her so badly was the most excruciating, most delicious torture he had ever experienced. He dipped his nose into her neck and inhaled, enjoying the delicate cherry notes of her fragrance. His beard tickled her; his breath produced a million goosebumps on her. As they moved, one of Drake’s hands caressed her back, and the other one tenderly cupped her face. Alexis felt like she was seriously going to explode if he didn’t kiss her fast. Finally, he leaned into her, but the singer ended the song, breaking their moment. Alexis swallowed as she took a step back. It was better that way.

They went back to their booth in silence. Alexis poured more whiskey in both their glasses and gulped hers again. They talked, drank, and laughed until they were the last customers in the pub.

“I should go,” Alexis declared when they arrived at the cabin.

“Lex, you can’t drive like this. You’re drunk. You can sleep in our room. Fuck, I’m drunk too. I meant my room.”

It was a horrible idea. “Yeah, okay.”

They went upstairs. Drake grabbed a pair of pants and his Cordonia Veterinarian School sweatshirt, knowing how much Alexis had loved to sleep in it. “Here, so you can sleep comfortably.”

“Thank you,” Alexis said, making eye contact with him. After a few seconds, the stare became charged with all the feelings they had for each other. The electric energy filled the air until Drake took a step towards her. He pulled her close, spinning so he could pin her against the wall, pressing his body against hers. “You drive me insane, Alexis,” he groaned, caressing her cheek.

“Kiss me, Drake,” Alexis whispered.

Drake closed his eyes and leaned down, his heart beating out of his chest. The old spark that used to knock the wind out of him every time they kissed was still there. He crashed his mouth against hers again and again. A soft moan escaped from her lungs, and soon Drake’s mouth was ravaging her neck, kissing it, biting it. His hands roaming all over her. Alexis craved him; every single part of her wanted Drake painfully. He gripped her hips as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He carried her to the bed and laid her down, getting lost in her beautiful face for a few seconds.

“I want you, Lexie. Fuck, I need you.” Drake managed to growl in her ear between hitched breaths.

Her small hands grabbed his neck. She locked her gaze with him. “Me too, Drake. I’ve missed you so much. I need you so much.” She stopped talking, aware that she would regret whatever decision she’d make. “But I feel so confused. And, Liam ...  I … can’t… I can’t do this to him.” Alexis’ voice broke with sadness.

Drake sighed. As much as he desired her, it wasn’t the right time. They were both drunk, and Liam was there, hovering between them. After all the years they had been apart, Drake didn’t want to have her back only for a few hours and then lose her because she felt guilty or insecure.

“Hey, baby. Shh, come here.” He laid on his back and wrapped his arms around her, her head on his chest. “Don’t worry. I understand.” He talked with a soothing voice as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Do you mind staying here with me? I don’t think I can sleep in our room alone.”

Our room. Drake smiled. “Of course, Lexie. I’m here. You can sleep; I won’t leave.”

Drake’s embrace made Alexis feel profoundly safe. A warm feeling of finally being home invaded her. Soon her breath became even. Drake realized she had fallen asleep and covered her with the blanket. Her beautiful features seemed calm and peaceful. Drake softly stroked her hair, letting his hopes run wild. In that instant, if only for a few stolen minutes, he had all he wanted. After a short moment, he leaned his head against the pillow and soon drifted off to sleep as well.

The next morning, Alexis woke up to the smell of a hot, steaming cup of coffee on the nightstand. Her eyes wandered through the room, looking for Drake, a little disappointed that he wasn’t in bed next to her. She sat on the bed and saw him standing on the balcony, a cup of coffee in his hand, looking at the lake.

“Hi, Drake.”

“Hi, Lex,” he smiled faintly.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

He nodded, his stare still on the lake. “I don’t want to pressure you, Lex, but in less than three days, we're supposed to sign those damn papers. What do you want to do?”

Alexis took a sip of coffee to buy herself a few seconds. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Damn, Alexis, that’s not what I’m asking. What do you want? Not me, or Liam, or anyone else. You,” he groaned, pointing his hands at her. “What do you want?”

“It’s not that fucking easy, Drake,” she answered. “Liam and I have been together through so much. And now I’m supposed to leave him like he meant nothing? He deserves so much more than that.”

“So you’re going to sacrifice your life because of what? Gratitude?” He ran his hand through his hair.

“I know this is difficult to hear, Drake, and I’m sorry, but I love Liam too.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. And it killed me until I realized that you might love him, but you’re not in love with him, Lex. I know you inside and out. You can lie to the entire world, but you can’t lie to me.” He stepped close to her and rubbed circles on her jaw with his thumb. “Don’t think about Liam or about me, think about you. About your dreams. If there’s something you and I know, it’s how ephemeral life is. Don’t waste any more time, Lexie. I promise that the life you used to love is still there; the things you used to enjoy doing, you can enjoy again. Please don’t stop living because you’re afraid or feel guilty.”

Alexis didn’t want to hear any of it. She had loved life, passionately. She had been open and free; she had had everything. A beautiful marriage with the love of her life. A perfect son. A promising career. Hobbies, passions, happiness. Losing that life almost killed her once, but she had learned her lesson. It was better to live guardedly, carefully. As much as she wanted to be, she wasn’t the naïve 19-year-old girl Drake had met 10 years ago.

The worst part was knowing that no matter what she did, she was going to hurt someone. Drake was the love of her life. He made her feel safe and protected, exhilarated, giddy, and euphoric, even after all that time. During all those years away from him, she had never stopped loving him, missing him painfully.

But Liam had never left her, no matter how broken, how sad she had been. She had never asked him to stay, to take care of her, but he had done it anyway, selflessly. It made his sacrifice even nobler. Together they had been able to defeat her grief, if only partially. He deserved much more than to be a mere transition into her real life.

“I need to leave, Drake. I’m sorry.”

“You’re so fucking frustrating,” he growled. “But as stubborn and maddening as you are, I love you.” He grabbed her waist and surprised her with a long, heartfelt kiss. “I love you, Alexis, and I’m not going anywhere this time. When you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Drake stepped into the house and left her alone.

Alexis felt like she was standing on the verge of a precipice and had no idea if it was better to jump or stand still.

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[junhyukiscute]

drabble 4 with hyunjae and could you make it very fluffy? :3

hello, soulmate (the boyz hyunjae x reader)

author note: hyunjae could literally be breathing and he’d still be the most handsome man

drabble 4: “i don’t know how I managed to live so long without you.”

(note: bold - hyunjae, normal - you)

soulmates were a common phenomenon in your world. some were connected by a red string of fate, others were connected by taste. you, my dear friend, were connected with your soulmate through your thoughts. kind of basic, but at least you didn’t have to suffer through vague dreams like your friend eric, or their taste buds like sunwoo. the only downhill to your bond was that you couldn’t tell each other your names because it didn’t work like that. fate would eventually just work itself out.

it was kind of nice, you guys had conversations whenever you could. your soulmate was a college student who was trying their best in become a vet and worked very hard. despite the stress of studying in the medical field, you would pop up and try to crack jokes so he could have a little laugh. needless to say, your interactions with him made his day.

“ew! my soulmate just ate mustard and broccoli,” sunwoo screamed at the lunch table.

“no one cares,” eric shot back.

as you watched your best friends bicker, you thought to yourself, idiots.

ive been stuck listening to my friends argue about how much carrots they can shove up their nose. im gonna shove kevin off a cliff.

don’t do it buddy, you’ll be sent to jail for attempted murder. how will we be able to see each other if you’re in jail?

well if i make the news, you’ll be able to know what i look like and we can meet up at my cell.

you chuckle out loud which causes the bickering to stop.

“what’s gotten you so cheery?” sunwoo eyes you suspiciously.

“shes probably talking to her soulmate,” eric replies. eric makes a kissy face at sunwoo, “hEy bAbe i wAs jUst tHiNkIng oF yOu cAuse You Know, wE cAn tALk to EacH oTher!!”

sunwoo laughs at eric’s impression of you, and starts to laugh even harder after you threw a baby carrot smack in the middle of eric’s face.

“seriously though (y/n), you’re pretty lucky to have a convenient bond. are you close to meeting him yet?” sunwoo questionied.

you sighed,” no, not yet. i wanna meet him soon though, all i know is that he goes to some university in seoul and likes coffee at the cafe near his campus.”

eric’s eyes widen, “wait, there’s a twosome coffee shop near this university down the street!”

sunwoo gasped and shook eric by the shoulders, “eric, you’re useful for once!!” ignoring the offended look on eric’s face, he turns to you, “once school’s done, it’s gonna be spring break. you know what that means?”

“movie nights and sleepovers while we procrastinate on our homework?” you questioned.

“no, you idiot, we’re gonna go to that coffee shop everyday so you could see your soulmate!” sunwoo says.

once it registered in your mind, you gasped, “wait, we might be able to see my soulmate?!”

“i knew my days of skipping school would come in handy one day,” eric smirked.

time skip

you were in your last period, daydreaming as your teacher lectured.

aish.. i’m really craving an iced americano right now.

the bell had rung and you ran out the classroom to meet up with sunwoo and eric, who coincidentally had the last period together. “guys, my soulmate likes iced americanos. we have to go, NOW,” you said. eric and sunwoo nodded before you guys dashed off to the cafe down the street of your guys school.

the door opened and bell chimed, the baristas greeted you as you guys walked in. 

“okay, i’ll keep watch by sitting at that table in the corner. since you invited us here, you’re paying, (y/n),” sunwoo said as he walked off to the said table.

“while you’re ordering, i’ll keep watch for anyone who’s ordering an iced americano. by the way, i don’t drink coffee so can you get a whole chocolate cake? we’re gonna be here for a while, thanks (y/n)! you’re the best,” eric patted your shoulder and shoved you in line.

you cried on the inside as you ordered two iced mochas and a whole chocolate cake for here. the cashier looked at you weirdly, “and your name?”

“(y/n),” you said and looked at his nametag, “thanks... kevin?!”

kevin looked taken aback before eyeing you, “do i know you?”

“oh.. haha,” you sheepishly laughed, “sorry, um.. it just sounded familiar..”

“oookkaaayyy, that’ll be 40,000 won,” he said as you handed him your card, “we’ll call you when your drinks are ready...”

after he dissappeared to the back, you ran up to sunwoo and slammed your hands on the table, making him scream out of fright, “guys. i think that barista is my soulmate’s friend. he talked about some dude named kevin.”

“oh for real?? ask him if he has a friend that likes iced americanos!!” eric said energetically as he scarfed the cake.

“yeah, like he probably doesn’t have 50 friends who like iced americanos. what if he doesn’t even have friends?” sunwoo replied as he rolled his eyes.

“(y/n)! your drinks are ready,” kevin called out.

“ask him!” eric whispered out loud.

as you walked towards the counter to pick up the drinks, you stood there and looked at him. kevin, already a bit weirded out by your behavior from earlier asked, “do you need anything else...?”

“do you have any friends that like iced americanos?” you questioned.

“okaaayy so I don’t know if you know this but my friends are in college, you’re a high schooler based on your uniform. im not gonna partake in pedophilia.”

“listen man, our friend has a soulmate who goes to this cafe and orders a nasty battery acid drink during his break so god help us!” eric shouted as sunwoo tried to desperately hold him back.

“we’re seniors,” you added in quickly.

kevin sighed and pinched his nose bridge while he thought hard, “are you sure it’s this cafe?”

“yes, im sure because he goes to a cafe near his college, and there’s a college near here, right?” you said.

“yeah...” kevin deeply sighed, “i have a few friends who drink iced americanos.”

“who were you with earlier when you tried to see how much carrots you could shove up your nose?”

kevin chokes on his spit, “how did you know that?!”

“im connected through my soulmate by thoughts,” you replied.

he gasped in realization, “wait, my friend named-“

“kevin, get back to work and stop flirting with the customer!! one more warning and you’re fired!!” a voice boomed from the back.

kevin jumped before looking at you sheepishly, “sorry (y/n), i gotta go,” and ran off to the cashier station where an annoyed lady was waiting.

you groaned before grabbing the drinks and plopping down at the table.

“so all we know is that he does have a friend who’s your soulmate but we didn’t get a name,” sunwoo said. you guys all sighed in unison before sadly sipping on the drinks.

spring break went past quickly, and there was no sign of your soulmate visiting at the coffee shop. heck, you couldn’t even hear his thoughts anymore.

“it’s okay, (y/n), you’ll see him eventually,” eric reasoned as sunwoo pat your back.

you sighed deeply as you sipped on an iced americano at the cafe. this sucks, why can’t my soulmate just come in and order already?

at seoul university (lol just go with it), hyunjae was writing notes down at the library when kevin strolled in with Jacob and plopped down at the table.

kevin sighed dramatically before leaning back on his chair, “there’s this trio of high schoolers who won’t stop coming to the cafe im working at and they keep staring at me!! the girl says that her soulmate goes there and orders an iced americano, kinda creepy but i appreciate her dedication to meet him. says they have a soulmate link by their thoughts, isn’t that kinda like yours?”

hyunjae mumbles, “an iced americano sounds great. haven’t been able to get it from your work since ive been studying for finals” before a voice in his head says this sucks, why can’t my soulmate just come in and order already? hyunjae drops his pen in shock. “wait, kevin, are they still there?” hyunjae questioned.

“hm, probably, why?” kevin replies. the two piece the information together before kevin gasps as he punches Jacob out of excitement. “oh my god, is that your soulmate?! go get them tiger!!” kevin cheered with Jacob (who was very confused). hyunjae packed up his stuff and dashed out of the library and to the cafe. once he reached the cafe and pushed open the door widely, a few customers glanced but went back to their own business.

hyunjae slowly strolls before saying rather loudly, “can i please order an iced americano?” while subtlely glancing around the shop. a few gasps were heard and he found a trio of high school uniforms. he made eye contact with you and felt like time had stopped.

there you were, in all your glory, with slightly ruffled up hair and dark eye bags. even though you looked like you just woke up, you still looked incredibly cute. his heart beat erratically at the sight of your beautiful self before he gulped and walked up to you.

sunwoo and eric caught wind of the situation and shoved each other out of the table as you were trying to hold back a smile. hyunjae cleared his throat because thinking, i wish my soulmate knew how cute they are.

you grinned and said, “i wish my soulmate knew how they are too,” you stood up and held out your hand, “hi soulmate. im (y/n). it’s really, really nice to meet you.”

hyunjae smiles as he took your hand and pulled you into an embrace. “i don’t know how i managed to live so long without you.” he breathed out as he wrapped his hands around your frame. “im hyunjae, but you can just call me yours from now on.”

[ninja-muse]

i’m trying to branch out and read outside my genre (fantasy) do you have any book recs for someone whose heart is in fantasy but needs to see what else is out there?

Hi anon! Thanks for the ask! Fantasy’s such a wide genre, and this is such an open ask, that I’m mostly going to be recommending books with similar feels or themes from other genres, to push you a little outside the fantasy bubble and introducing you to different genres and types of storytelling. If you have a favourite subgenre or trope or author, I can maybe get a little more specific or offer read-alikes.

Also, I don’t know if you knew this before asking, but fantasy is my favourite genre too, so some of these recs are books that pushed me out of the genre as well, or that I found familiar-but-different.

And this is getting long, so I’m going to throw it under a cut to save everyone scrolling.

Science fiction

the Vorkosigan saga by Lois McMaster Bujold - This is space opera, which means it’ll have fairly familiar plots except with science-y things instead of magic. There’s an heir with something to prove, heists, cons, and mysteries, attempted coups and assassinations, long-suffering sidekicks, and a homeworld that’s basically turn-of-the-century Russia but with fewer serfs. It was one of the first adult sci-fi books I read and genuinely liked.

The Book of Koli by M.R. Carey - I finished this recently, and the second book of the trilogy just came out. This is post-apocalyptic sci-fi, but not grim or particularly complex. (Some SF gets really into the nuts and bolts of the science elements; this isn’t that.) Basically, Koli’s a teenager who wants more than his quasi-medieval life’s given him, and finds himself in conflict with his village (and then exile) because of it. I could see where the story was going pretty much from the start, but I loved the journey anyway.

The Martian by Andy Weir - This doesn’t have much in common with fantasy, but it’s my go-to rec for anyone who’s never read science fiction before, because it’s funny, explains the science well, and has a hero and a plot you get behind right away. In case you haven’t heard of it (or the film), it’s about an astronaut stranded on Mars, trying to survive long enough to be rescued.

Foreigner by C.J. Cherryh - This is an alien first contact story, about a colony of humans in permanent quarantine on an alien planet. The MC is the sole social liaison and translator, explaining his culture to the aliens and the aliens to the human, and working to keep the peace—until politics and assassins get involved. It’s been over a decade since I read this, so my memory’s blurred, but I remember the same sort of political intrigue vibes as the Daevabad trilogy, just with fewer POVs.

Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor - One from my TBR. It looks like dark fiction about women, outcasts, and revenge, which sounds very fantastic and the MC can apparently do magic—but it’s post-apocalyptic Africa.

Speaking of political intrigue and sweeping epic plots, the Expanse series by James S.A. Corey has both in spades. Rebellions, alien technology, corrupt businesses, heroes doing good things and getting bad consequences, all that good stuff. It takes the science fairly seriously, without getting very dense with it, and will probably register as “more sci-fi” than my recs in the genre so far.

Oh, and Dune by Frank Herbert is such a classic chosen-one epic that it barely registers as science fiction at all.

Graphic novels

It’s technically fantasy, but assuming you’ve never picked up a graphic novel before, you should read Monstress by Marjorie Liu. Asian-inspired, with steampunk aesthetics, and rebellions and quests and so many female characters. It’s an absolutely fantastic graphic novel, if you want a taste of what those can do.

I’d highly recommend Saga by Brian K. Vaughan. It’s an epic science fiction story about a family caught between sides of a centuries-long war. (Dad’s from one side, Mom’s from the other, everyone wants to capture them, their kid is narrating.) It’s a blast to read, exciting and tense, with hard questions and gorgeous tender moments, and the world-building somehow manages to include weaponized magic, spaceship trees, ghosts, half-spider assassins, and all-important pulp romance novels without anything feeling out of place.

Historical fiction

Hild by Nicola Griffith - Very rich and detailed novel following a girl growing up in an early medieval English court. It’s very fantasy-esque, with battles and politics and changes of religion, and Hild gets positioned early on to be the king’s seer, so there’s “magic” of a sort as well.

The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry - A widow goes to the Victorian seaside to heal and reawaken her interest in biology. Slow, gentle, lovely writing and atmosphere, interesting characters and turns of plot. Doesn’t actually deliver on the sea monster, but still has a lot to recommend it to fantasy readers, I think.

Yiddish for Pirates by Gary Barwin - The late-medieval Jewish pirate adventure you didn’t know you wanted. It’s funny and literary, full of tropes and set pieces like “small-town kid in the big city” and “jail break”, and features the Spanish Inquisition, Columbus, the Fountain of Youth, and talking parrots, among other things.

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett - A thousand pages about the building of a cathedral in England, mostly focusing on the master builder, the monk who spearheads the project, and a noblewoman who’s been kicked off her family’s land, but has several other plots going on, including a deacon with political ambitions, a war, and a boy who’s trying so hard to fit in and do right.

Sharon Kay Penman - This is an author on my TBR, who comes highly recommended for her novels about the War of the Roses and the Plantagenets. Should appeal to you if you liked Game of Thrones. I’m planning to start with The Sunne in Splendour.

Lady of the Forest by Jennifer Roberson - Either a Robin Hood retelling that’s also a romance, or a romance that’s also a Robin Hood retelling.

Hamnet & Judith by Maggie O’Farrell - A novel of the Shakespeare family, mostly focused on his wife and son. Lovely writing and a very gentle feel though it heads into dark and complex subjects fairly often. A good portrait of Early Modern family life.

Mystery

There’s not a lot of mystery that reads like high, epic, or even contemporary fantasy, but if you’re a fan of urban fantasy, which is basically mystery with magic in, then I’d rec:

Cozy mysteries as a general subgenre, especially if you like the Sookie Stackhouse end of urban fantasy, which has romance and quirky plots; there are plenty of series where the detective’s a witch or the sidekick’s a ghost but they’re solving non-magical mysteries, and the genre in general full of heroines who are good at solving crimes without formal training, and the plots feel very similar but with slightly lower stakes. Cozies have become one of my comfort-reading genres (along with UF) the last few years. My intros were the Royal Spyness novels by Rhys Bowen and the Fairy Tale Fatale books by Maia Chance.

If you like your urban fantasy darker and more serious, and your heroines more complicated, try Kathy Reichs and her Temperance Brennan novels. Brennan’s a forensic anthropologist, strong and complicated in the same ways of my fave UF heroines, and the mysteries are already interesting, with a good dash of thriller and a smidge of romance.

Two other recs:

Haunted Ground by Erin Hart - The first of four books about a forensic anthropologist in Ireland, who’s called in when the Garda find bodies in the peat bogs and need to know how long they’ve been there. They’re very atmospheric—I can almost smell the bog—and give great portraits of rural Ireland and small-town secrets, and since not all the bodies found in each book are recent, they also bring interesting slices of the past to life as well.

A Burnable Book by Bruce Holsinger - This is essentially a medieval thriller about a seditious book that’s turned up in London. I liked the mystery in it and that it’s much more focused on the lives of average people than the rich and famous (for all that recognizable people also show up).

Classics

Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift - I swear this is actually one of the first fantasy novels but few people ever really class it as such. Basically, Gulliver’s a ship’s doctor who keeps getting shipwrecked—in a country of tiny people, a country of giants, a country of mad scientists, a country of talking horses, etc. It’s social satire and a spoof of travelogues from Swift’s time, but it’s easily enough read without that context.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll - Another, slightly later, fantasy and satire! Even more amusing situations than in Gulliver’s Travels and, while it’s been a while* since I read it, I think it’ll be a decent read-alike for authors like Jasper Fforde, Genevieve Cogman, and that brand of light British comic fantasy.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare - Also technically a fantasy! I mean, there are fairies and enchantments, for all it’s a romantic comedy written entirely in old-fashioned poetry. It’s a pretty good play to start you off on Shakespeare, if you’re interested in going that direction.

On the subject of Shakespeare, I would also recommend Much Ado About Nothing, Macbeth, and King Lear, the first because it’s my favourite comedy, the others because they’re fantasy read-alikes imo as well (witches! coups! drama!).

the Arthurian mythos. Le Morte D’arthur, Crétien de Troyes, The Once and Future King by T.H. White, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain, etc. - I’ve read bits and pieces of the first two, am about 80% sure I read the third as a kid (or at least The Sword in the Stone), and have the last on my TBR. Basically, these stories are going to give you an exaggeratedly medieval setting, knights, quests, wizards, fairies, high drama, romantic entanglements, and monsters, and the medieval ones especially have different kinds of plots than you’ll be used to (and maybe open the door to more medieval lit?) **

Beowulf and/or The Odyssey - Two epics that inspired a lot of fiction that came later. (There’s an especial connection between Beowulf and Tolkien.) They’re not the easiest of reads because they’re in poetry and non-linear narratives, but both have a hero facing off against a series of monsters and/or magical creatures as their core story.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley - The first real science fiction novel. It’s about the ethics of science and the consequences of one’s actions, and I loved seeing the Creature find himself and Frankenstein descend into … that. It’s also full of sweeping, gothic scenes and tension and doom and drama.

* 25 years, give or take

** There are plenty of more recent people using King Arthur and associated characters too, if this "subgenre” interests you.

Other fiction

Vicious by V.E. Schwab - I don’t know if you classify superheroes as science fiction or fantasy or its own genre (for me it depends on the day) but this is an excellent take on the subject, full of moral greyness and revenge.

David Mitchell - A literary fiction writer who has both a sense of humour and an interest in the fantastic and science fictional. He writes ordinary people and average lives marvelously well, keeps me turning pages, plays with form and timelines, and reliably throws in either recurring, possibly-immortal characters, good-vs-evil psychic battles, or other SF/F-y elements. I’d start with either Slade House, a ghost story, or Utopia Avenue, about a ‘60s rock band. Or possible The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet, which I fully admit to not having read yet.

Devolution by Max Brooks - A horror movie in book form, full of tension and desperation and jump scares and the problems with relying on modern technology. The monsters are Bigfeet. Reccing this one in the same way I’m reccing The Martian—it’s an accessible intro to its genre.

Son of a Trickster by Eden Robinson - Contemporary fiction with a slight literary bent, that doesn’t pull its punches about Indigenous life but also has a sense of humour about the same. Follows a teen dealing with poverty and a bad home life and drugs and hormones—and the fact that his bio-dad might actually be the trickster Raven. Also features witches, magic, and other spirit-beings, so I generally pitch this as magic realism.

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones - Another Indigenous rec, this time a horror novel about ghosts and racism and trying to do the right thing. This’ll give you a taste of the more psychological end of the horror spectrum.

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia - A good example of contemporary YA and how it handles the complexities of life, love, and growing up. Follows the writer of a fantasy webcomic who makes a friend who turns out to write fic of her story and who suddenly has to really balance online and offline life, among other pressures. Realistic portrait of mental health problems.

Non-fiction

The Book of Margery Kempe - The first English-language autobiography. Margery was very devout but also very badass, in a medieval sort of way. She went on pilgrimages to Jerusalem, was possibly epileptic, frequently “saw” Christ and Mary and demons, basically became a nun in middle age while staying married to her husband, and wound up on trial for heresy, before talking a monk into writing down her life story. It’s a fascinating window into the time period.

The Hammer and the Cross by Robert Ferguson - A history of medieval Norse people and how their explorations and trade shaped both their culture and the world.

A Time of Gifts by Patrick Leigh Fermor - Travel writing that was recommended to me by someone who raved about the prose and was totally right. Fermor’s looking back, with the aid of journals, on a walking trip he took across Europe in the 1930s. It’s a fascinating look at the era and an old way of life, and pretty much every “entry” has something of interest in it. He met all sorts of people.

Tim Severin and/or Thor Heyerdahl - More travel writing, this time by people recreating historical voyages (or what they believe to be historical voyages, ymmv) in period ships. Severin focuses on mythology (I’ve read The Ulysses Voyage and The Jason Voyage) and Heyerdahl’s known for Kon-Tiki, which is him “proving” that Polynesians made contact with South America. They both go into the history of the sailing and areas they’re travelling through, while also describing their surroundings and daily life, and, yes, running into storms and things.

Hope this helps you!