#because its almost certainly going to be more surgery

[eldritchmochi]

sum more tips!!

- for americans: learn how to read insurance coverage documents. its a huge hassle but it helps a LOT to know what is and is not covered, what the coverage is like, and what you need to do to get things covered. this can make transition of care a lot less stressful when you have to swap insurance for like, job reasons

- related, memorize your deductible and your oopm, as well as the copays for your common medical needs, that way if something is fucky, you can do something about it asap

- if you struggle with doctors taking you seriously, bring someone with you to your appointments whenever you can. i whole ass married my wife because theyre in a medical adjacent field and is thus *really good* at helping get my symptoms across, but someone who sees you regularly and can attest that xyz is Bad, or add to your descriptions of symptoms is phenomenal (cos if youre disabled you almost certainly have brain fog and you DEFINITELY have symptoms you dont realize are as bad as they are)

- tylenol works better if taken regularly and is generally less hard on the body when taken regularly than ibuprofen. 2 extra strength tylenol 3x a day every day does a LOT for my pain. PLEASE DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE

- otc ibuprofen is formulated slightly different than prescription ibuprofen, so taking otc at a higher dose is harder on your body than taking the same dose of prescription ibuprofen. its not a huge difference but it is something to be aware of if you take otc ibuprofen regularly

- when seeing a new doctor, especially when switching to a new pcp, having a print out you can physically give to a doctor with your med list, your relevant symptoms or concerns, and relevant timeline (if applicable), is a HUGE help for both you and the doctor. keep it breif and snappy tho, one page or less (meds notwithstanding)

- if you have any kind of mobility problem, see if you can have regular appointments with a physical therapist. a) itll give you tailored exercises to maintain and hopefully improve your mobility, even just for small qol things like toileting and getting dressed, and b) going regularly (1-2x a month if possible) will help keep you on track

- there are things medical institutions and especially insurance look at when deciding treatment, and they are unfortunately tied a lot to how "useful" you are. if your doctor isnt taking you seriously when you talk about your symptoms, try including how it impacts your daily life, focusing on things like sleep, showering/toileting, feeding yourself, ability to work/do chores, sitting in a chair (like at a desk) or standing (like queuing or cooking), ie "my hands hurt so bad i cant hold a spoon to feed myself without crying" or "i wake up every couple of hours to roll over because my hips hurt" or "i cant stand for more than 2 or 3 minutes without my knees locking"

- if you struggle with basic self maintenance or daily life tasks, like brushing your hair or folding laundry, see if you can talk to an occupational therapist. their whole bit is to devise alternative ways of doing daily tasks tailored to an individuals needs and abilities. includes problem solving stuff like: if you struggle to reach into upper cabinets, move your frequently used items to the lower cabinets, as well as finding adaptive equipment for things you struggle with that you may not even know exist

- if you can afford it, highly recommend splurging on a roomba. an older gen refurbished Roomba you can often find for 100-150 online and having a regularly vacuumed floor helps keep your environment feeling MUCH nicer and it can go a long way towards improving your mood, like, cannot recommend more

- also for americans: look into laws regarding FMLA/PFML. it is good to know how it works in case, heaven forbid, something happens to you, but also great to know when planning for things like non-urgent surgeries. also good to know if your main carer can use FMLA/PFML to take time off to care for you

- also for americans: if your job offers an fsa with a % match, max that thing out and use it. its SO HELPFUL to have in order to pay health costs like prescriptions and copays, especially if the total amount meet or exceeds your oopm, and theres a ton of stuff you can use it on thats ootc, from Tylenol to heating pads to bigger things like adaptive equipment and those 200$ specialty pillows

I've been disabled for almost 29 years. Here's what I've learned.

Tablets sink and capsules float. Separate out your tablets and capsules when you go to take them. Tip your head down when taking capsules and up when taking tablets. Liquigels don't matter, they kinda stay in the middle of whatever liquid is in your mouth.

If your pill tastes bad, coat it with a bit of butter or margarine. I learned this from my mom, who learned it from a pharmacist.

Being in pain every day isn't normal. Average people experience pain during exceptional moments, like when they stub their toe or jam their finger in a door, not when they sit cross-legged.

Make a medical binder. Make multiple medical binders. I have a small one that comes with me to appointments and two big ones that stay at home, one with old stuff and one with more recent stuff.

Find your icons. Some of mine include Daya Betty (drag queen with diabetes), Stef Sanjati (influencer with Waardenburg syndrome and ADHD), and Hank Green (guy with ulcerative colitis who... does a bunch of stuff). They don't have to be disabled in the same way as you. They don't even have to be real people. Put their pictures up somewhere if you want; I've been meaning to decorate my medical binders with pictures of my icons.

Take a bin, box, bag, basket, whatever and fill it with items to cope with. This can be stuff for mentally coping like colouring books or play clay or stuff for physically coping like pain medicine or physio tape.

Decorate your shit! My cane for at home has a plushie backpack clip hanging from the end of the handle and my cane for going places is covered in stickers. All of my medical binders have fun scrapbooking paper on the outside. Sometimes, I put stickers and washi tape on my inhalers and pill bottles. I used my Cricut to decorate my coping bin with quotes from my icons, like "I've seen enough of Ba Sing Se" and "I need you to be angrier with that bell".

If a flare-up is making you unable to eat or keep food down, consider going to the ER. A pharmacist once told me that since my eye flares can make me so nauseous that I cannot eat, then I need to go to the hospital when that happens.

Cola works wonders for nausea. I have mini cans of Diet Pepsi in my coping bin.

Shortbread is one of the only things I can eat when nauseous. Giant Tiger sells individually-wrapped servings of shortbread around Christmas or the British import store sells them year-round. I also keep these in my coping bin.

Unless it violates a pain contract or something, don't be afraid to go behind your doctor's back to get something they are refusing you. I got my cardiologist referral by getting in with a different NP at my primary care clinic than who I usually saw. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify by visiting a walk-in.

If you have a condition affecting your abdomen in some way (GI issues, reproductive problems, y'know) then invest in track pants that are too big. I bought some for my laparoscopy over a year ago and they've been handy for pelvic pain days, too. I've also heard loose pants are good for after colonoscopies.

Do whatever works, even if it's weird. I've sat on the floor of the Eaton Centre to take my pills. I've shoved heating pads down my front waistband to reach my uterus.

High-top Converse are good for weak ankles. I almost exclusively wear them.

You can reuse your pill bottles for stuff. I use my jumbo ones to store makeup sponges and my long skinny ones to hold a travel-size amount of Q-Tips.

Just because your diagnostics come back with nothing, it doesn't mean nothing is wrong. Maybe you were checking the wrong thing, or the diagnostic tool wasn't sensitive enough. I have bradycardia episodes even though multiple cardiac tests caught nothing. I probably have endometriosis even though my gynecologist didn't see anything.

You can bring your comfort item to appointments, and it's generally a green flag when someone talks to you about it. I brought a Squishmallow turkey (named Ulana) to my laparoscopy and they had her wearing my mask when I woke up. I brought a Build-A-Bear cat (named Blinx) to another procedure and a nurse told me that everyone in the hall on the way to the procedure room saw him and were talking about how cute he was. Both of those ended up being positive experiences and every person who talked to me about my plushies was nice to me. If you don't feel comfortable having it visible to your provider during the appointment, you can hide it in your bag and just know it's there, or if you're in a video appointment, you can hold it below frame in your lap.

Get a small bucket, fill it with stuff, and stick it in your bed (if you have room for it). I filled a bucket with Ensure, juice boxes, oatmeal bars, lotion, my rescue inhaler, etc. in October 2023 in anticipation of my laparoscopy and I still have it in my bed as of January 2025.

If your disability impacts your impulse control (e.g. ADHD, bipolar disorder), you should consider setting limits around your spending -- no more than X dollars at a time, nothing online unless it's absolutely necessary, and so on. Or, run these purchases by someone you trust before committing to them; I use my BFF groupchat to help talk sense into myself when I buy stuff.

Feel free to add on what you've learned about disability!

[eldritchmochi]

i have been freed from the hospital!! but basically only because the only things i could eat from the hospital cafeteria was chips and sweets thanks to my allium allergy, which is not ideal. i still feel like absolute dogshit tho, but at least i can better manage my eating because like, i can make it myself lmao

i do not get to go back to work until i can reliably eat without having to immediately lay down for two hours with Sandwich Sweats, BUT somehow??? i feel like i actually have spoons to spare for the first time in a million years, so im hoping i can like, finish the last of our unpacking and write and maybe build my ashton wig so i can get pics with taliesin in cosplay in sept, even if it ends up being closet cosplay

but well see if i can last thru to my surgical consult in two weeks or if i end up BACK in the er because im all stoppered up again

[catboybiologist]

Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for

tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.

sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:

I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.

For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.

Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.

So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.

And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.

To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.

Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.

My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.

But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.

So what's next?

Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.

I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.

I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.

Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.

[cripplecharacters]

Do people with contracture scars from burns that severely limit movement and function of a limb but pose no other immediate health risk ever choose to get the limb amputated so a prosthetic can be fitted in its place? Or are there other easily accessible options with more minor surgery or treatments?

Hello,

It's possible, but very few doctors wouldn't try to talk them out of it, so the procedure would be against medical advice (AMA.) An amputation is a major procedure and though it's relatively straightforward, a lot can go wrong and even if everything goes right, it is going to be permanently life-changing. Most surgeons aren't going to do a major procedure like that electively, the character is going to be hard-pressed to find someone to do it. Plus, because it's a major procedure, it's going to be expensive. Insurance often doesn't cover elective procedures and almost certainly won't cover an AMA procedure, so the character is going to be paying for the procedure out of pocket. And then there the weeks in the hospital, months of medical treatment, monitoring, and physical therapy, and then thousands of dollars for the temporary prosthetic and thousands more for the permanent prosthetic. People who had medically-necessary amputations have a hard enough time getting insurance to cover even part of all of this, your character will need to pay for all of it on their own and it's going to be, at minimum, tens of thousands of dollars.

Instead, the doctors are going to recommend a number of more mild treatments for the contracture. There are massages to get the scar to loosen up that'll probably start early in recovery, medicated ointments and steriod solutions that can be applied or injected to help, and more tame procedures like skin or tissue grafts or a z-shaped incision to help add more surface area to the skin. Of course, most of the treatment for a contracture scar is going to be preventative, treatment that takes place while the skin is healing and scarring that aims to prevent or lessen contractures. And if all else fails, the character can use mobility aids, most often a rollator or a wheelchair, to get around easier with the contractures.

An amputation is the most extreme option and probably the worst possible option, worse than just letting the scar be and trying to walk around without any mobility aids (possible depending on the severity of the contracture and the location but painful nonetheless.) If the character were to even pitch this idea to their doctor, any doctor worth their salt would immediately point out why they shouldn't do this and tell them about the more accessible options, partially due to ethics and partially because if they let them do this and recommend the unnecessary surgery and the surgeon goes through with it, there's a massive risk they'll be sued and/or investigated and they could end up in jail and lose their ability to practice medicine. In the modern day, this is probably not something that would happen (you might be able to get away with doing it if your setting is back in the times of tonsillectomies and appendectomies over mild swelling before we realized we should treat the inflammation with medication before removing internal organs, but an elective procedure like this is probably not going to happen in modern times.) Plus, getting the entire limb amputated is the opposite of common sense. I don't know one person who would say "These contractures suck, I'm just going to get my entire leg chopped off" unless they're joking. And if they did seriously pitch this idea to their doctor or a surgeon or even to the receptionist or janitor at the hospital, I can't imagine any one of those people wouldn't shoot that idea down as fast as humanly possible.

I'm sure it's something they could probably do if dedicated enough, but it's extremely impractical and very difficult. I'd recommend looking into more mild contracture treatment options.

Mod Aaron

Hey!

I personally don't know anyone who would get an amputation for this reason, which doesn't mean no one does it, but rather that it's at the very least rare. Most amputations related to burns are either because limb salvage is impossible due to the damage and/or infection setting in.

The most basic possible treatment is simply stretching and massaging the contracted joints. The goal is to stretch and soften the skin gradually, and this will be started extremely early in rehabilitation. Moisturizing helps with this process too.

Next step would be splints designed to keep the joint uncontracted. This is especially helpful if muscles are ligaments are involved rather than just the skin. Over time splints will improve range of motion (not necessarily make it good; two different concepts) to support the person's quality of life and allow them to do more activities of daily living (ADL). If the person wears a compression garment then the splint goes on top of it.

If the issue is solely in the skin, then skin release surgery is an option. It's exactly what it sounds and requires skin grafts to give the person better mobility in the joint. However, muscles that were initially unaffected will shorten with time if the contracture persists, so if your character would be getting this surgery 10 years after the initial burn, their muscles would be affected now even if they weren't before.

There are also many other kinds of treatments like tissue expanders that help with growing more skin, z-plasties, rotation flaps, and a bunch of other ones that I'm not too familiar with.

A more possible (though still really rare) reason for an elective amputation after a burn would be for the most common reason elective amputations are performed: severe pain. Severe burns cause nerve damage, muscle damage, skin damage, all things that could potentially result in something like Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. This could be a possible reason for an amputation if, let's say, six years after the initial burn the pain has largely lowered except for the person's ankle that is still at the same level as it was on day one. There amputation could potentially improve the person's quality of life. It could also not do that, but they'd find that after the fact either way. This is a very last resort scenario where everything (!) else has failed, most people will go through tens of surgeries before seriously considering an elective amputation.

Prosthetic wear however is a completely separate thing. Burns are, despite the general perception, sensitive to many things. Temperature, touch, pressure... all things you get from putting something in a prosthetic socket. Burned skin is dry; it cracks easily. It'd be painful to walk on, as you can imagine. Maybe if they only burned their lower half, they could use crutches and get by this way (which is the same thing they'd probably be doing if they had a severe contraction in a leg). After all it's not like prosthetic wear is an easy thing that every amputee can do. Many can't reliably walk in prosthetics, even if their stump is in better condition than of someone with severe scarring on it.

There's simply too many options available for contractures before an amputation, and even more before prosthetic wear. I'd probably reconsider this idea unless you'd be working with someone who actually had this kind of experience.

mod Sasza

[fyodors-husband]

Hihi! Can you do Ivan x reader nsfw hcs? Tysm! Also I hope your day is going well!

hi anon! Yes I most certainly can! I hope your day is going well too!

I love this little lobotomized mousey so much oh my lord, he deserved so much more screentime and character development I wish he got it 💔

CW: nsfw, slight OOC, slight vouyerisum, choking, rough sex, a variety of kinks, gn reader (No Pronouns except you), discussion of pervious surgeries had, lobotmies, freaky ivan, ivan himself is a ce but we love him, dub-con(?) (He is lobotomized so can't really process the consent part?), slightly toxic relationships, English is not my first language and my knowledge of words related to alot of the kinks I think ivan has are limited 😭, if I need to add any or if I got a word wrong please let me know!

°~•~○~°~•~○_NSFW BELOW THE CUT_○~•~°~○~•~°

He's a freak

Many kinks, down to try just about anything aswell

He usually bottoms but if you ask he has no trouble topping

He would be a service top though, he wants to please you more than himself but also himself more than you of that makes sense

Has no problem giving up control and giving you the lead in sex

Especially after his lobotomy, he almost needs to give up control, but there's still parts of him trying to grip onto it at the same time

Will probably cry but if you stop to make sure he's okay he'll yell at you not to do that

You both have a safeword but he never uses it, even when he needs to

If you've been together for a long time you've pretty much learned when it's to much

Very vocal, little squeals and moans when you do it

Especially if you pull his hair, he's very into that but you almost never do because of his stitches and scar tissue, if you ever do your very gentle (even though he tells you to do it hard)

Wouldnt mind being smacked around in bed, especially if hes helping you deal with a stressful day

He dosent mind being used at all, he's happy that he can help you

His favorite position is doggy style, that way if he asks, you'll pull his hair or smack his ass

He good with other postiitions too though, I feel like he'd never say but he loves the ones where he's facing you, like missionary and mating press and things like thoose

Just because he finds you so gorgeous and wants to be able to see you

Also because you can choke him and kiss him that way

of he wants something he'll take it, he's very stubborn when he wants to be

That being said if he realizes your stressed outside of work or even in the office, he'll offer to help you

Itll start off innocent but soon he'll most likely be in between your legs

"What do you mean not here? I'll make it fast jist relax, your so stressed"

Hell do that in your work, (especially if you have a private office), probably in the street (alleyways)

If he's desperate enough he'll even "forget" to close the curtains so that everyone can see how much you love him!

likes to be overpowered alot, keep your clothes on while he has none? He's drooling

He always asks you to finish on him or in him (of you can), he finds it as like a mark

Speaking of that, he loves hickeys and bites you give him, if they fade to fast he'll be really upset and make you make more

In the term of after care, he almost insists on doing it all, but you manage to make him lay down

Hell INSIST he dosent need it and that he's fine, but if you do end up doing it his brain wont process correctly

Its been so long since someone has taken care of him, he'll almost cry if your gentle

His mind dosent really work, he'll probably get a headache as his mind races to think about another time when someone took care of him, but, the lobotomy just messes him up.

----------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for reading I really hope you enjoyed, likes a reblogs help alot if you'd be so kind <3

[writing-in-sin]

LAWLU HC: HANDS

They both have a personal liking towards each other's hands

LAW:

It started after Dressrosa, on the fields of sunflowers. He's reminded of Luffy's words to become the pirate king and the gratitude as well as respect he feels for Luffy just wells up inside him with no where to go

Until his body moves on its own, taking Luffy's left hand to place an almost reverent kiss against Luffy's knuckles

It startles a blush for the both of them but while Luffy feels confused yet bashfully accepting, all Law feels is the beginnings of peace

Somehow, it keeps happening

Mostly whenever they have to part ways or reunite

When asked, Law merely held Luffy's hand. Brushing his thumb against the knuckles as he tries to find the words.

Respect for the future king? Maybe initially

Admiration for these hands that never fails to attack and defend against the injustice of the world? Certainly

It could be all of that and more but in the end, it became less about finding a reason and more because its Luffy

And now after Kaido's defeat, Law can admit that's always been the reason

Because it's Luffy

With his kindess, recklessness, child-like wonder, stubborness and just everything that makes up who Monkey D. Luffy is

Because Luffy is Luffy and Trafalgar D. Water Law simply loves him

LUFFY:

For him, Luffy loves Torao's big and clever hands for the way the older captain saves people. The memories of 2 years ago are murky still, but Luffy remembers echoes of how kind and steady his Torao's hands are

The hands that saved him

Not just with the surgery but with how those hands had cradled his grieving heart and soothed it enough for him to be aware of the world again in a time when Luffy could only cry and scream for the brother he lost

Although the memories are still blurry, Luffy knows that it'd been Torao who had wipe away his tears and held him close in those brief moments of lucidity.

He'd recognise those hands no matter what

Which is why when Torao started to kiss his knuckles, Luffy makes sure to return it with a kiss of his own to Torao's palms

The palms that save and heal and protect in ways Luffy never could

His silly Torao can say that it was a whim all he wants but Luffy knows how kind he is. How amazing and cool and badass he is. And Luffy loves him lots and lots and lots!

But most of all? Because Torao is Torao and that's always been enough for Luffy

[willysnylander]

I COME WORH A WORD AND A PAIRING!!!!! to be simple it is just ‘sweet’ + nicojack :]

thank you so much for this, olive!! hope you like it! <3

“I got you something.”

Jack’s eyes are bleary as they lift to Nico’s face - the pain meds he’s been on since the surgery make him tired, so he’s been napping a lot lately - and the smile that takes over his face is tired, but Nico still thinks he looks beautiful.

“Yeah?” Noticing the way Nico holds one hand behind his back, Jack immediately attempts to peak around his boyfriend’s waist. “What is it?”

Nico quickly twists, keeping his little present hidden from view, and laughs a little when Jack pouts.

“Close your eyes, schatz,” he instructs. “It’ll be a little surprise for you.”

“I don’t like surprises,” Jack mumbles, voice closer to a whine than it probably would be if the pain meds weren’t still affecting him. In addition to the tiredness, they’ve also been making him a little more emotional than usual, which he’s complained to Nico several times by this point that he hates; Jack is the kind of person who prefers to have a grasp on what he’s feeling and how much of it he outwardly shows, and it hurts Nico almost as much as it hurts Jack himself to see that, on top of the still-not-completely gone pain in his shoulder and the tired sluggishness that the meds have made settle over his brain, some of his control has been taken away from him.

But, well, that’s what Nico’s little present is for, isn’t it? A little thing to cheer him up, to clear away the air of tired sad in pain that has been drifting around him since he got hurt again, even if only for a few moments.

“Close your eyes,” Nico repeats, “and hold out your hands. Don’t open them until I tell you.”

Jack heaves a sigh that he would likely insist is not dramatic at all, thank you very much, if Nico were to tease him about it, but he obeys. Despite his annoyed act, Nico sees an anticipatory smile fighting to make its way onto his face, and the sight makes his own smile stretch a bit wider.

He makes sure the gift is set securely in Jack’s palms, not wanting his boy to drop it and risk making him even sadder, then says, “You can open your eyes now.” When Jack does, and Nico watches his eyes light up and hears the tiny delighted gasp that escapes him, it’s all he can do not to grin so wide it splits his face.

In Jack’s hands, partially wrapped in a white napkin so it doesn’t make a mess of his palms and fingers, sits an impressively-sized cinnamon roll, big enough to give their team nutritionist a heart attack if the poor guy was ever to see it, golden-brown and slathered with cream cheese frosting that hasn’t even hardened yet. It’s still warm through the napkin; a worker at the bakery down the street from Jack and Luke’s apartment where Nico bought it, the one Jack loves and has regularly mourned not being able to visit every day because of their diet plan, had just been putting a fresh batch into the display case when Nico had walked in earlier, an amazing little stroke of luck.

“Neeks!” Jack practically squeals, looking up at his boyfriend with a huge grin. He certainly doesn’t look as tired as he did only a moment ago - his eyes are alert and shining with happiness. “Is this from the bakery down the street? You did not have to get me this, oh my God.”

“I know I didn’t have to,” says Nico. “But I wanted to.” He moves from where he’s been standing above Jack to sit on the couch beside him, leaning over to press a kiss to Jack’s cheek as soon as he’s seated. “You deserve a little something sweet.”

What he really means is, You deserve something that’s going to make you happy, even if it’s just something as small as this. You’re going through a lot right now, and I hate that I can’t fix everything that’s wrong, but I can do this for you. You deserve everything sweet and good in this world, and I would get it for you if I could, but since I can’t, I’ll give you this instead.

He means all of that, but he doesn’t have the courage to say it, so he just leaves it at that. Somehow, he gets the feeling that Jack understands, anyway.

His boy turns to look at him, smiling in that way that makes his eyes and nose scrunch up, that way that makes sunlight explode in Nico’s chest whenever he sees it. Still holding the cinnamon roll in his hands like a precious treasure, he pecks Nico on the lips and says, “Don’t even need this. Already got my something sweet right in front of me.”

Nico laughs, even as Jack’s words make the sunlight in his chest shine that much brighter. “You’re so cheesy.”

“You know you love it.”

“Of course I do,” he agrees without a hint of hesitation. After taking a second to feel good about the slight blush that blossoms across Jack’s cheeks when he says that, he reaches over and taps one finger against the inside of Jack’s wrist. “You should start eating that, they’re never as good once the frosting hardens.”

Jack doesn’t need to be told twice. He brings the cinnamon roll to his mouth, carefully rearranging the napkin so that he can hold it to eat it without getting his fingers sticky, and takes a big bite. His eyes close as he chews, and Nico has to fight a smile at the loud, satisfied moan he lets out, even tilting his head back slightly and letting the longer bits of his hair fall around his shoulders.

Jack takes two more bites, getting half of the pastry gone, before he turns back to Nico, smiling wider than Nico thinks he has since he hurt his shoulder. The frosting is smeared around his mouth a bit, little flecks of it caught in the fuzz on his upper lip. His eyes, Nico’s favorite shade of blue, are brighter and more alert than they have been in a little bit, crinkling at the edges from his joy at the simple pleasure of a sweet treat after the stress and pain the last few weeks have held for him.

It’s a relatively simple sight, a bit of a messy one even, but to Nico, right now, seeing the man he loves smiling and happy is damn close to art.

“Thank you, Neeks, really,” says Jack, never losing that beautiful smile. “This was really thoughtful, and I definitely appreciate it. You’re always really good to me, I probably don’t thank you for that enough, so thank you.”

And rather then telling Jack that he doesn’t need to thank him, that would do anything if it meant making Jack happy, that he loves Jack more than he will ever be able to properly express in words, Nico answers his boy with a kiss. It tastes of sugar, cinnamon, sunshine, and love.

send me a pairing + a random word and i’ll write you a little something!!

[pocketramblr]

39. — heartache. Thank you!

tw- uh. blood. organs? surgery? its all unrealistic but still.

There were mottled bruises on Yoichi's chest. The green and purple stood stark and dark against the pale skin. He shivered more from the cold than from Kudo's eyes on it, even though he was used to both.

"Bruce?" Kudo asked, and the other man sighed.

"It's like I thought." Like Yoichi had said. "His heart's too weak on its own for his body. But as it is now, it's too strong."

It was too strong. Too loud. Yoichi's brother's voice used to be what echoed in his head. Now it was the rush of his own exhausted blood.

"So, the rest of his body just needs to catch up in health?" Kudo asked, as if they had the time or resources for that. Bruce shook his head.

Yoichi moved his hand. "No, I'll show you."

He pressed the bruised skin, and it moved back around his fingers. At his call, the organ moved closer, until bits shone in the light. His own pale green, but also the pearly new white that shimmered in other colors.

Kudo breathed in sharp as a knife.

Yoichi let go, and his heart sunk back. It was so heavy in his chest.

"So the rumors about your brother are true?"

Yoichi shrugged. It had been years since he last saw the glint of his brother's heart, green as well, but so dark it was almost black. Glinting like blood did.

Kudo turned again to Bruce. "How much stronger is it?"

"Than Yoichi's own heart? Two and half times stronger, maybe. Than yours or mine, one and a half?"

"Than his brother's?"

"Weaker." Yoichi answered for Bruce. Far weaker, still, than it probably had been at their birth. Certainly weaker than it now, with all the hearts he took from his followers, with all the hearts he stole.

Kudo hummed. "Alright. Take mine."

"No." Yoichi denied him almost before the offer reached his ears, eyes wide, hands moving frantically at nothing.

"Yoichi-"

"I'm not going to be like-"

Bruce cleared his throat. "Wouldn't that make it worse?"

Kudo blinked. "How would it?"

"Because- oh, you meant, I see."

"I don't. And no, I'm not taking-"

"You aren't." Kudo held out his hand. Yoichi took it by habit. His thumb rubbed over the back. It was rough, and warm. "We're going to trade."

Yoichi squeezed the hand tighter. That was worse.

A trade, a bargain, those all ended in death. Kudo had offered him freedom without a price. That was why he had taken it. There wasn't supposed to be an exchange.

"Yoichi."

He closed his eyes, instead of seeing Kudo's expression. The pain he was causing.

His heart beat even faster. His ribs ached with each thump.

"Don't die to spite him. Come out of the vault with me." Kudo said, over the drumming sound.

Just like he'd said the first time Yoichi had heard him speak.

Another hand on his, surrounding it.

"You know we're not the heroes you call us. Can you let us play at it too though, now? Let us try?"

Try. Just for him.

He'd be so selfish to let them. He'd be so selfish to deny them.

He had a headache from the sound of his heart.

He couldn't even hear himself think anymore.

Or maybe he just wasn't.

He opened his eyes, and looked at Bruce. "Is he healthy enough for it?"

Bruce nodded. "He should be. It's not even in the top half of the worst risks he's taken."

Yoichi almost wanted to laugh at that. Instead, tears stuck to his cheek.

"Fine. Yes."

"I'll get the supplies. Kudo, you'll need to lay down." Bruce ordered, and left the room.

Yoichi stood from the bed he was sitting on to give Kudo room after he took his shirt off, but found himself pulled down again anyway. They both fit, if narrowly.

Bruce returned and sterilized his scalpel and needle, put on gloves.

"Alright, if Yoichi's like I think, he'll be able to survive longer without it in than you, so, get it ready first."

Yoichi nodded, and this time, he almost pulled the whole organ out. It sat on his skin and in his palm. It moved under his fingers so quickly.

Bruce twisted a t-shirt and had Kudo bite down, then moved faster than Yoichi had seen.

It felt like no time at all, and also far, far too long. It took twelve heartbeats.

Kudo's heart was like all the others Yoichi had seen. Red and orange and shining, but he had no time to examine it further as Bruce grabbed the one from his hand and switched them, letting go to press the too-large heart into the hole in Kudo's chest. He held it there for a second, and Yoichi suddenly realized the gaping vacuum in his own.

He gasped, and pressed the new heart over his skin. It sunk in like the first and second ones had.

Suddenly, Yoichi was burning. The shock faded, but the warmth didn't.

Yoichi went limp.

He watched Bruce discard his top pair of gloves, then hold the skin closed to sew it back together.

The thread was yellow, whatever they'd been able to find. At least it had been boiled.

Yoichi realized there was blood, sticky and red, on both his and Kudo's chests. But under it on his would only be fading bruises. Under Kudo's, stitches and scars.

Kudo's sticky red blood was on Yoichi's hand, too. He moved it, and in a second Kudo had taken it, squeezed it just as tightly as he had.

Bruce tied off the thread and stuck down the bandages, then stepped back, panting like he'd run across a city.

"You ok?" He asked, taking the t-shirt from Kudo's mouth.

"Fine."

Yoichi nodded.

"Good." Bruce collapsed back into the chair, hands in his lap, not even bothering to remove the gloves. "Good."

Yoichi turned his head to look at Kudo. "How does it feel?"

"Like you. How does mine?"

Yoichi thought about the warmth that was spreading through his body now, more than he'd had in his life. The weight that was solid, but not crushing. The movement that was quick, but not running him into the ground. The sound that was there, but quieter.

"Like you. Thank you." He tilted his head, pressing his forehead to Kudo's. "My hero."

"Thank you. My heart."

"Thank you, doctor who saved both our lives." Bruce said to himself. "You're welcome."

"You never got a doctorate." Kudo breathed.

"You're only brave enough to say that now because I'm not holding the scalpel anymore."

Kudo and Yoichi let out breaths of laugh, then winced as their bodies and hearts adjusted to the sensation.

"Thank you, doctor hero." Yoichi added.

"You're welcome, favorite patient."

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

✉️ ✉️ ✉️ ✉️ ✉️ ✉️

📚📚📚📚📚📚📚

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

Hi!!!

Here are some fresh sentences for ya.

18 for ✉️:

---

Eddie laughs fondly at this one. That had been kind of a crazy, exciting call. And he had thought of Chris the whole time, wanting to tell him about it. He still could, he supposes. But he’s glad to know Buck did, when it happened. Eddie doesn’t know why he hasn’t tried to tell him about it. Maybe he’s been scared to make it sound like he had any fun at all while Chris was away. 

The thing is, he did, though. Not that it wouldn’t have been better if Chris was there. It would have been. But the call was crazy and kind of fun in its uniqueness. The hike at Salton Sea that Buck had arranged was fun, too. And there were more days where Buck dragged him to something to get his mind of Chris and Kim and Marisol and every other fucked up thing going through his head, only for him to come away feeling something resembling happiness. 

Take, for example, the next post card. Eddie knows why Buck picked it the moment he sees the sunset and palm trees front and the font reading Malibu, California, in the top corner. Buck had dragged him to Malibu during a four-off, made them stay in an AirBNB, despite how close it was to home, and somehow convinced him to spend a weekend falling off a surfboard, drinking beer, and getting badly sunburnt on his shoulders. It was a fantastic weekend. Eddie can’t even feel guilty about how much he’d enjoyed it. 

---

21 for 📚:

---

Like life, sometimes it makes it easier if Ravi reflects back on cancer with a textbook view of his experience. When people ask him how he can be so optimistic or easygoing about the whole thing, he doesn’t tell them this is the trick. He always gives a lame excuse about the power of a good attitude.

The real power is in shutting the cover on it.

He wrote about it in his college entrance essays with this same scholarly detachment. It wasn’t hard. He has always been a strong writer. A symptom of so many years without much else to do than read, write, and listen to others talk, whether in person or on TV. 

Neuroblastoma - a type of cancer that forms in certain types of nerve tissue. It is the third most common type of cancer in children, presenting in about one in seven thousand. Estimates say it is responsible for about fifteen percent of cancer related deaths in children. 

It’s usually detected before kids turn five, especially when it's on the spine or in the stomach. Ravi’s was in his chest. When he had difficulty breathing, he was diagnosed with asthma. He was almost eight by the time they figured it out. 

When Ravi wrote about that part of it all in his college essay, he turned it into a commentary piece on the dangers of misdiagnosis. After all, it’s what led his tumor to grow to a point that made surgery and treatment more complicated, where he might have had a far easier go of it at four or five. He wrote about that and it made him seem wise and reflective, someone whose personal experiences as a child might make him a vigilant adult. He didn’t whine and complain about how years of frailty dismissed as something that shouldn’t require more than a puffer earned him a reputation for weakness, how he was excluded and smaller than the other boys his age, including his little brother. He didn’t recount being bullied, and he certainly never named the ringleader of those bullies. Anil. 

---

21 for 🩸:

---

“I can order something for myself,” Buck tells him. “Maybe you could go home for a while.”

“Go home?” Tommy asks. “Is someone else stopping by to make sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay.” Buck says. 

Tommy furrows his brows. “I’m not sure that you are.”

“Listen, I-I just need to be alone for a while.” Buck explains. “I need to call Christopher.”

“You can’t call Christopher with someone in the apartment to keep an eye on you?” Tommy asks skeptically. 

“No.” Buck replies.

“Well, why not?”

“Because it’s a family thing!” Buck snaps.  Tommy’s expression stiffens. Buck immediately feels like an ass.

[amumandherthoughts]

The birth story.

This is a long one..

I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had my last 'normal' appointment with the midwife team. It was then that they told me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour in 2 days, then they would have to induce me.

Not exactly what you want to hear with your first pregnancy. Lots of people tell you lots of stories and how induction can be more intense or it was the best labour they'd ever had. Whatever, everyone is different, so I took it all with a grain of salt and hoped for the best.

2 days went by and I had my next appointment where the midwife and Drs recommended a 'Cook's Catheter'. To try and prompt my body to do its thing without the need for an IV.

Well I came back the next morning and still no labour! Shit. I was going to have to be induced.

Ok, so I'm in the birthing unit ready to go (and completely terrified but trying to hold it together).

They take out the Cooks Catheter and I'm 4cm dilated. Great! Almost half way there!!

The nurses broke my water, put the IV in and the contractions began.

Holy shit.

To quote my mum- "they don't call it labour for nothing." Boy, was she right. I had all the pain from my contractions in my lower back, and it was excruciating!

I'd never had anything hurt as much as those bloody contractions! No one told me as much, but I presume my baby was posterior because of all the back pain.

I was using heat pack after heat pack. Having my husband massage my back as hard as he could and it still barely helped! I was using the gas, which I think mainly just helped keep my breathing under control...

After 5 hours, I was ready to up the ante - I asked the nurse for the next step in pain management - Endone.

Well, all of the people who say Endone is the best are all fucking liars. It didn't take any of my pain away, just made me super drowsy and want to fall asleep even during a contraction!

Right, so by this time, I'd had the IV induced contractions for roughly 12 hours, and every time the nurse did an internal exam, my cervix was at 4 cm. There was no change! I could have cried! Well.. I did! And I was exhausted!!!

So the reason it took so long to get to this point was because every time I contracted my baby's heartbeat was waver and so the nurses couldn't increase the hormones to get me to dilate more/faster. They turned it off for a short time, and bub was all good, but then they turned it on, and the heartbeat wavered again.

So the Dr recommended an emergency ceasarean section due to failed to progress. Meaning my body didn't do what it was supposed to and bub couldn't come out!

I was ok with having a caesar, that part honestly didn't bother me. It is what it is and the team I had were incredible.

I had an epidural, which was heaven! For about half an hour. Until it made me vomit and bubs heartbeat wavered again and I needed to lay on my side. Well then the anaesthetic drained to the side didn't it and I started feeling the contractions down the other side again! This certainly wasn't what I expected when they gave me an epidural.

Ok, so after this, we headed to surgery. We're talking 17hrs after being induced now.

I'd never had any sort of surgery in my life. Only ever had mild local anaesthetics!

So when they numbed my torso and down it was the weirdest feeling. So see my legs being moved but unable to feel it. I hated it.

And then, being in the ice-cold theatre, thank God I had my husband by my side because I was downright terrified.

Terrified of feeling pain (which I didn't)

Terrified of the surgery (I would visualise it and freak out)

Terrified something bad would happen to me (haemorrhage or have tools left inside)

Terrified most of all that I wouldn't hear my baby cry.

During the surgery I kept vomiting and felt gross as fuck. The lovely nurse suctioned the vomit from my mouth and all was well.

Bub was taken out, and he cried! So I cried in relief! I can't tell you how much relief I felt about that. He had a bit of a hard time breathing, so I couldn't hold him, and he had to go up to special care. My husband went with him, and I went to recovery (where I slept for 2 hours, apparently!!)

I was then taken to the maternity ward and special care unit to see my bub. So surreal being able to see and touch him! Still no cuddles yet though because he was on the breathing apparatus.

I was wheeled back to maternity and tried to sleep. Though that was difficult being so very numb and worried about tearing stitches or whatever else might've gone on down there.

Thus, my baby boy was born, and I am still emotional remembering these happenings. Very emotional.

It was traumatic and downright awful. Will I do it again? Yes, because it's a small drop in the ocean for what I now treasure more than anything.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Jael Holzman at Rolling Stone:

Republicans in Washington have vowed to cut off medical treatment for most trans Americans — and may try to do so next year once Donald Trump takes over. Democrats in Congress can likely stop it from happening if they stand together and hold the line, but it’s unclear if they will.  For the last few years, the GOP has coalesced around an idea that would short-circuit essentially all trans health care in America: banning federal funds from going to businesses that provide health care specific to changing one’s sex or gender identity, including hormones and surgeries. It would essentially signal to the private sector that if it wants federal dollars, it needs to stay away from sex- or gender-affirming care, and bow down to right-wing pundits who aim to, in their own words, “eradicate” and “erase” this form of health care. 

Language in House Republicans’ most recent funding bill for the Health and Human Services Department would do just that — ban money from any federal program to entities that do “social transitioning” or drugs and surgery for “gender dysphoria.” Gender dysphoria is the specific diagnosis doctors use to justify those medical interventions. This legislation has not gotten a vote yet and would need to be reintroduced next Congress to be considered. But it has been a top priority for Republican lawmakers in the House, and Trump himself has promised he’d ask Congress “to permanently stop federal taxpayer dollars from being used to promote or pay for these [trans] procedures.” (You can hear all his promises on trans health care in this short campaign video.)

Bans like these can lead to the private sector discontinuing behaviors altogether — and once they are in place, they are hard to get rid of: The Hyde Amendment, enacted in the 1970s, led to most abortions no longer being performed in hospitals, and is continually renewed each year.  Medical groups and civil rights advocates in D.C. tell Rolling Stone they believe that if a Hyde-level ban on federal funding were enacted, many hospitals will simply prioritize federal dollars over continuing this highly specialized form of medical care. So much medicine is performed through hospital systems and universities that this could mean ending access for many. 

Surgery for many — canceled. Hormonal treatments — ended. A specialized field of medicine backed by reams of evidencedemonstrating its need and benefits, practiced for more than half a century in the U.S. — ostracized, suddenly and loudly. It is hard to quantify how painful a funding ban legislation could be to the American trans community, except to say it would almost certainly lead to lost medical care, forced menopause for some who lose hormones, and, in the bleakest scenarios, waves of suicides. 

[...]

Is this the end?

It’s easy to assume that even without Congress, Trump 2.0 could be an enormously painful experience for people who are trans or gender diverse — up to 1.5 percent of the American adult population per recent surveys.  Trump, who once said Caitlyn Jenner could use any bathroom at Trump Tower, ran for the Republican nomination this year on a pledge to end any federal government promotion of transition “at any age” and disqualify hospitals treating trans minors from Medicare and Medicaid. Trump’s incoming vice president J.D. Vance as a senator introduced legislation banning federal funds to entities performing trans health care and compared trans people to perverts. Trump’s choice to run the Health and Human Services Department, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., has said people may be saying they’re trans because of pollution. One of Trump’s top advisers and financial backers, Elon Musk, days ago endorsed throwing doctors who perform trans health care to people under 18 in prison. A leading candidate to run Trump’s Federal Trade Commission, Andrew Ferguson, has promised to use the agency to “investigate the doctors, therapists, hospitals, and others” that performed surgeries and provided hormone medications “to children and adults.” 

[...]

Like many presidential actions, all of Trump’s activity in trans health care will take a lot of time. Very little of it would have to be permanent if Democrats manage to retake the White House in four years.  A federal funding ban would be a different story.  Since the 1970s, every year, Congress has routinely re-enacted the Hyde Amendment, banning some federal funding to most abortions even under full Democratic control. That’s because the government funding process is ordinarily subject to the Senate legislative filibuster, which requires 60 votes to overcome, a margin of control rarely held by either political party these days. While many in both parties want to rid themselves of the filibuster, influential figures in the chamber — namely Sen. Mitch McConnell — say they want it preserved through the Trump 2.0 era. 

By that same token, should Republicans decide to force this issue in a funding fight in the incoming Congress, Democrats would have more than enough power to stop a ban on federal funds to entities performing trans-centric health care through the government funding process (assuming Congress continues to operate under the rules it has in the past). Right now many in the LGBTQ+ advocacy community, as well as some Democratic lawmakers and staff, are quietly terrified the party might let Republicans enact it anyway, should they be forced to choose between funding the government or allowing the medical system to continue to provide this care unabated.  At a minimum, anxious Democrats and advocates believe that party leaders will capitulate on trans health care coverage in federal funding negotiations on the margins, allowing language that bans government-backed insurance plans from covering these services. 

[...]

So what happened? Why has the Democratic Party been caught flat-footed? 

Despite arguments over pronouns and drag shows becoming thick background noise in American pop culture, the relatively small political advocacy circle in Washington around LGBTQ+ issues whom the Democratic Party apparatus relies on underestimated the likelihood that Republicans would run a national political campaign with significant anti-trans advertising. As the campaign season proceeded, they continued to point to examples of such strategies failing candidates like McCrory or Daniel Cameron, who lost to Democratic Gov. Andy Beshear in bright-red Kentucky after making anti-trans rhetoric a centerpiece of his campaign.  [...] Even today, unlike the Republican Party, there is no comprehensive messaging strategy for Democrats on trans rights or health care. Nor is there a significant lobbying spend in Washington for the trans community specifically, meaning there is little institutional knowledge for members of Congress to rely on for messaging; when Rolling Stone quizzed Democratic staffers in Congress about whom they consult to get talking points on trans rights, almost all gave us the same two word answer: good question. The only group they frequently cited was Human Rights Campaign, a large political advocacy and lobbying umbrella organization first founded in the 1980s to advocate for gay marriage that expanded in the 1990s to address the entire LGBTQ+ rainbow. 

[...] Some Democratic staff say this fight over access to trans care will prove to be a test of the party’s broader commitments to social justice and the stakes of this conflict may be the enthusiasm of the ordinary Democratic voter. The trans community may not be a large population, nor politically influential on its own, but the ordinary Democratic voter trans or not usually says they’re compassionate about protecting the nation’s most vulnerable and ostracized.  The Congressional Progressive Staff Association, an assembly of more than 1,600 staffers in the House and Senate, provided a statement exclusively to Rolling Stone calling for congressional Democrats to “uphold our founding principles and defend those who are marginalized.” “In Congress, we will do everything in our power to block the passage of harmful legislation by amplifying the voices of those impacted, introducing amendments, and using Congressional procedure to slow the process or grind it to a halt,” reads the statement from the CPSA’s board of officers.  It continues: “While it is crucial to continue focusing on bringing down costs and reinvesting in the middle class, that’s not enough — we can walk and chew gum at the same time. Republicans are betting that when Democrats support trans rights, the public will think they aren’t focused on economic security. They fail to see that economic justice and social justice are intertwined. As progressives, we firmly believe we are strongest when we are united in the fight for liberty and justice for all.” 

This Rolling Stone article is right on the money: Democrats should stay united to fight the GOP’s sickening war on trans youths (and trans Americans as a whole).

Read the full story in Rolling Stone.

[whumble-beeee]

I hear you like lab whump…

Thoughts on surgery w/o anesthesia?

It has so much good potential; The invasiveness of it, the pain, the knowledge that something is being irreversably changed inside of them and they can do shit about it, the fact that whumpee almost certainly has to be held or strapped down in order to do it and they're fighting with every fiber of their being to get away, then they get slowly weaker as they succumb to the pain/blood loss until they can't fight it anymore and they're just sitting there knowing it's just going to get worse from here, they'll keep getting weaker and their fight will keep seeping away and the agony will keep getting exponentially worse and there's nothing they can do about it.

OOOO or where whumpee is forced to hold still for whatever reason, no restraints? Either its an emergency field surgery that their friend is doing on them to save their life, or whumper told them the more they move, the longer they'll draw it out, making sure they stay awake the entire time feeling every cut and poke and prod. Or whumpee freezing in their tracks, in the middle of a scream, suddenly ghost white because they felt a sharp poke on their heart or lungs, a glare from whumper, a silent threat.

And of course the classic, they ARE under anesthesia, but it didn't work correctly, so now they're fully concious and can feel everything, but they can't do so much as twitch their eyes to let the doctors know what happening (this actually happened to my hapkido instructor, most badass old woman I've ever known. I was horrified.)

Oh also if whumper's not a doctor, they're just doing shit in your body? And you have to deal with it, the anxiety that theyll mess something up because again, theyre really just doing whatever? Peak.

Yeah it's a great trope lol. The only problem I would have is if it's not motivated in some way, just because of the risks of no anaesthesia. A person wouldnt do it in eegular circumstances, because surgery without anesthesia would be so difficult to do because of the writhing whumpee, not to mention their increased heart rate would cause them to bleed faster, they could go into shock and die, and whumpee moving around at all (and they will, even if they try not to) makes the precision cuts required of surgery very very hard. Plus other stuff i dont know because im not a doctor. But maybe that's what whumper wants. They love a good challenge ;).

[lololollywrites]

Update on my cat Baci… he had a second aural hematoma surgery after the first failed (they only put stitches in the affected part of his ear, so it migrated to another location). The cartilage completely collapsed, so now he’s a permanent floppy boy (best-case scenario; if the hematoma comes back again I won’t do another surgery, so healing on its own will likely cause even more deformity).

I know it’s a little hard to see since his fur is black, but it’s just… flopped in half. 😭 You can see the stitches still in place. They can’t be removed for another 2-3 weeks. While he doesn’t mind the collar (shockingly enough), I hate that he can’t groom himself. I was told it would be okay to sometimes take it off to allow him a break, but I’m not sure I’d be able to get it back on him.

In the last picture, you can see he’s still high as hell from the terribly strong opiate they gave him without my knowledge or permission. I know they were trying to help his pain, but it’s a three-day transdermal called Zorbium that has so many horror stories online and even pending lawsuits. He didn’t sleep for almost 72 hours and couldn’t even close his eyes. Fortunately, he was still eating - many cats don’t.

Just a warning to say NO to Zorbium unless your cat is in absolutely agonizing pain (because, well, he certainly wasn’t in pain during those terrifying three days). The thing is that his previous pain had been caused by his hematoma, so I’m confused why they thought he needed it post- a surgery that removed it. He was fine after his first (though failed) surgery. I’m sure stitches in the ear aren’t comfortable, but it’s not a major operation or internal issue.

The vet said almost nothing at all about the fact that his ear collapsed. I’m trying very hard not to care about how he looks if he seems not to be in pain, but I’m sad for him that my decision to pursue surgery led to this. The deformity could have been equal or worse had the hematoma been left to heal on its own (and it could have taken a very painful month or more), so I know I’m being irrational, but this has all been just such an ordeal. He gets daily oral antibiotics because the hematoma was caused by an ear infection, and just yesterday he had diarrhea from it. I know that’s normal and he’s being monitored, but this poor poor boy needs a break.

If the hematoma comes back I’m going to cry (again). 😭

[the-lancasters]

Everton House, Windenburg

AN: Apologies to those wishing death upon Andrew. He still alive and playing on Marcus' sense of duty!

Previous| Beginning  | Next

Transcript under the cut

Marcus – Dad?

Andrew - Marcus? Is that you?

Marcus - Yes its me Dad

Andrew - So I'm not dead yet.

Marcus - No, the doctor said the surgery went well.

Andrew - Marcus. I'm not going to be around forever. I may have gotten a reprieve today, but my time will come. And when that time comes I want to be sure that you will continue my legacy. Which means no distractions.

Marcus - Sarah isn’t a distraction, she could be an ally.

Andrew - No one with legs that look like hers could be anything other than a distraction.

Marcus - What do you need me to do?

Andrew - You just need a bit of course correction. You have done so well until now to rise through the ranks as quickly as you have. Now you need to stay focused, Charles will be king and you want him to bring you with him.

--

Sarah - Marcus? What are you doing here?

Marcus - My job.

Sarah - I was glad to hear your father's surgery went well - I thought you wouldn’t be here today

Marcus - No clearly, I am needed more here. This event tomorrow is a mess, the protocols are all wrong, and you need to fix this now.

Sarah - Marcus. We promised we wouldn’t do this anymore

Marcus - Do what? Hold each other and this household to the standard that it requires?

Sarah - Bark orders at each other

Marcus - All I’m looking for is some standards around here, I don’t think that is being unreasonable

--

Victoria - How is Marcus doing?

Sarah - Why are you asking me?

Victoria - Maybe because you work in the same office? I saw he was in today.

Sarah - I don’t know what's going on with him. I think his father’s heart attack hit him really hard because…

Victoria - Because?

Sarah - He's back to his old self which I thought we had gotten past

Victoria - I had definitely noticed a positive difference in the past few weeks. The media certainly did.

Sarah - It was almost…. Nice

Victoria - Not something I ever thought you would say about Marcus

Sarah - And you will never hear me say it outside of this room.

Victoria - Maybe give it time to settle before you worry about him too much?

Sarah - I’m not worried about him, I am just concerned for the upcoming tour.

[nomorefstogive]

I now cannot get the image of Lumine pulling a Radahn phase 2 to the Archons xd

Anyways, hi again! Thanks for the ask--amazing by the way--and the addition to the Ranni!Reader post.

Always nice to see another Tarnished; I tried to keep myself away due to my horrible internet that likes to work only when it wants to but, alas, with two certain bosses I had to xd

Goes to show that even if my cringe is free from judgement, I still need to have help I guess ;-;

Skdkdkdkd sorry, I'm terrible at conversations ;-;;

It's alright, I'm am probably worse at them lol. Asperger's and social anxiety are a hell of a pair eh?

Also, since you mention being a fellow yuri fan, and I apologize for the shameless self-plug, I am writing a pair of yuri fics on my Ao3, one for AL and one for Genshin, if you are curious the link is: TheGreatestShow

As for Lumine...

Admittedly I have three differing ideas for her. I will have to send them in separate messages but here is the first one.

The first being: Eldritch/Cosmic being Lumine. With her being somewhat based on the Elden Beast.

P.S. Also I am going to put the read more link below this because holy shit this wound up being longer than I thought it would be lol.

Not quite a god, but certainly a being removed from mortal comprehension and existence. The human form we see is merely the equivalent of a porcelain shell, designed to protect her more vulnerable, yet also more powerful, true form, something she would kill to keep secret.

She is less interested in the politics of Teyvat and more in regaining her power and either finding Aether and beating him into a coma for abandoning her, or departing the world and returning at full power to settle her score with Asmoday.

She does not go out of her way to attack the Fatui, something that will be a re-occuring theme amidst these ideas, and even offers to aid them in exchange for their help in regaining her powers.

She is also considerably more ruthless than in canon, her battle with Dvalin almost ending in her killing the dragon over the skies of Mondstadt until Venti removes his power out of fear for his friends life. Her clash with Childe ends with Dottore having to perform surgery to reattach the youngest harbingers arms and repair his damaged organs, after Signora grabs him and bails after he staggers into the bank half dead after she gets the gnosis.

Her clash with Osial ends with her attempting to drain the god's power to fuel her own return to full strength, something which is only adverted when Osial removes one of his own heads to stop her from draining him into nothing before he is hit with the Jade Chamber.

As for Inazuma...That is the point where her patience reaches its limit.

Her first meeting with the Shogun end with her vessel being damaged and her being forced to flee, anger and humiliation that a mere doll managed to injure one of her kind swelling within her veins to match the disgust at the blatant attempts at emotional manipulation done to sway her to the rebels side.

But one does not live for eons without learning when to hold their tongue and blade, and so she smiles and joins Sangonomiya's rebellion, waiting...waiting, until she waits no more.

The delusion factory, the remains of gods and demons bent and warped into a power source...a power source she can drain.

Scaramouche barely escapes with his life, and Miko is likewise almost killed as the Starborn devours the power of the factory and at last manages to shatter some of the seals upon her own power, her smile widening as she obliterates the area before ascending, wings of nebulae and galaxies at her back as she gazes upon Inazuma.

Madness and rage swirl within her, the lingering malice of the delusions clouding her mind and amplifying her own rage towards this land and its people, who have dared to humiliate her so, as she calls forth her power and descends.

Kujou Sara staggers into the Shogun's chamber, drenched in blood. Her bow clatters to the ground as the Anemo Boxer holding her up staggers to his knee, blood leaking from both a gash on his side and his lips as he looks at the startled face of both his lady and the Shogun with dread.

The Tengu general manages to stammer out these words-

"...Encampment...destroyed...only...survivors...Monster...coming..."

Before she fades into unconsciousness, the last thing she hears being her Shogun call out her name as explosions begin to rock Inazuma.

From on high the winged being watches as rifts and tears into the cosmos form, meteors and asteroids pouring from them and laying waste to not only the harbor of Ritou, but to the city itself.

Her smile widens as she sees the resistance soldiers, consumed by madness and mania due to her aura having enveloped them, running rampant, maiming and butchering and mutilating to their hearts content.

Faintly she hears Paimon begging her to stop, but she ignores her, her gaze now fixed upon that loathsome Island in the sky as she reaches up a hand to part the heavens and summon forth-

A lightning bolt strikes her hand.

A snarl of rage leaves her lips as he turns to the Shogun, summoning twin greatblades to her hand as she surges forward to at last settle their score.

The battle is vicious, and even within the Plane of Euthymia, Ei is pushed to her limits, divine blood staining the sands as she struggles against her merciless foe.

Eventually she managwes to deal what should be a fatal blow, the Musou no Hitachi tearing a path straight across the Starborn's chest and sending her flyting into the distance.

Yet just as Ei takes a deep breath, she feels the air grow dense.

The sound of shattering pottery fills the silent realm as Lumine begins to rise to her feet only to stagger forward, her form breaking apart like a fallen vase and revealing not but an ever growing stain of darkness that soon envelops the remains and much of the surrounding land, pulling them into stygian depths.

From the depths emerges an arm, stygian in color for but the briefest of moment before light swells and dances within it, stars and galaxies of colors known and unknown forming within the endless expanse of darkness as the limb pulls out of a double Helix shaped blade, the light of the cosmos seeping from it.

With the arm their comes a body, female in form, yet devoid of all other features save for the swirling galaxies and cosmos within, that is until twin orbs open, blazing with the light of twin stars as wisps of comet trail form under a galactic veil upon the beings head.

Above them forms a halo of asteroids and meteors and comets, swirling and dancing amidst a field of stars, a black hole posed at the center and yet not devouring them as it should.

The being rises without legs, it's body seeming to end in the ever growing stain as tendrils and additional limbs rise from the morass as the command of the Starborn.

"You crave eternity...then behold the eternity of the cosmos."

Comes forth a voice that echoes from all directions, light and wispy, yet dark and crushing as well.

Desperation fuels the following battle, even the Shogun is barely able to match the monster she faces, one arm lost and an eye carved out as she is flung to and fro by the being.

Electro meets the blazing Cosmos as the heavens are rent and the plane of Euthymia falls away to reveal a burning city, the two titans continuing a duel that spans the length of the island and then some.

Mountains fall, and canyons are carved, the heavens are rent and reforged a dozen times over as they clash without respite or hesitation until, at last.

The Starborn seizes the Shogun and casts her down into the ground before the Statue of the Omnipresent Goddess, smiling as she rears back her arm to deal the deat-

An arrow slams into her stomach.

A snarl of rage tears from her lips even as agony assails her senses as she turns to regard the one that dared to strike at her.

Ebony wings are unfurled, bandages yet being soaked crimson as muscles and wounds are pulled to tight, as a general stands defiant to protect her goddess from the being that looms above them.

Stalwart and loyal she steps forward to meet the being that looks upon her in confusion and disbelief, though there is something else that likewise burns within those orbs, a faint hint of...respect as she descends to meet her foe.

Desperately the Shogun reaches out for her general, only to see her vision fade in and out as the two clash, the injured Tengu matching the beast as she sheds her human form and brings forth the full extent of her cursed blood, though even that falls short.

Two blades tear through her stomach as she is lifted into the air before being flung across the city and into the ground, the Starborn actually panting in exertion from the effort of the battle before she turns to-

A scream fills the air.

Lightning writhes and dances the Tengu forces herself to her feet, a hand holding her entrails in her as she does so.

"I...will...not...let...you...hurt...her!"

A roar of lightning descends as a Vision shatters, wings of ebony feathers now burning with violet electro as a bow of lightning forms within the Tengu's hands.

Apotheosis. Ascension into godhood, and all done in the name of loyalty.

The Starborn feels her respect match her anger as she calls forth her own power once more to meet the newly born god in a battle that shakes the island again.

Her victory is certain, yet still she admires the being that fights against her with such fervor and fury that she can feel corruptive power of the delusions and the bloodcraze it brought upon her fade away from her midn as she fights for her life against the being before her.

At last their battle ends, the Starborn wounded and yet still living, her blade raised to deal a death blow before...she stops.

"What is your name?" She asks the panting Tengu, who looks up at her and responds.

"Kujou Sara."

"The name of a clan of cowards who tried to leave you to die does not fit you, noble one." Comes her swirling voice as she sets the Tengu down.

"Let it be known that I, Lumine of the StarBorn, hearby dub you the 'Storm Born' of Inazuma for your birth into your new childhood came from the storm of rage and loyalty within you."

With that said the Starborn turns to look at the Shogun, who has been aided to her feet by a fearful Ayaka and weary Kokomi as they look upon the being before them.

"A pity you were not made Shogun of these lands, a far better job than this witless coward you would have done." The Star Born says as she delicately brushes aside a blood soaked lock of hair from the Tengu's face, watching as the new born god falls into slumber but a moment later.

"Now then," She turns to the Shogun and her fellows, "Shall we discuss the terms of your surrender child?"

Well, what do you think?

I like the idea of Lumine being a more eldritch or cosmic being, and her taking the civil war a bit more seriously and this was the result.

Another version of this idea has her being soulmates with all of the women in Teyvat, well more like the central pillar of a vast soul bound polycule whose arrival triggers its forming, and her being brought to a mortal level was a few members of Celestia's bid to use her to unite the world against the Abyss.

The bond only becomes known when her true form is revealed and the soul marks are made apparent, needless to say it leads to all sorts of chaos lol.

[frozenbound]

Henlo the previous anon here! Waaaaahh you did so great with the prompt (poor Hanzo needs to walk with crutches). Would love to see a sequel where its Genji riding a toy this time 🤤

This ask was sent via Zaqa, which allows anonymous asks with an account!

I'm happy to hear you liked it, Anon! Thanks so much for requesting a sequel! I decided to mix in something that came up in a previous ask with hardlight dildos, as well as adding a small element of identity porn. I hope you enjoy it!

Genji enjoying riding his toy, coming right up under the Read More!

It was five days before Genji was walking normally again.

It wasn’t a surprise. For one, Cassidy’s cock had been huge and Cassidy had been rough. For another, it took that long for Mercy to come back, and after she had attended to Hanzo’s broken pelvis, it was easy to sidle up to her and whisper that he had a “personal” problem that just needed a small dose of biotics from her staff. 

Mercy was a good, thorough doctor, however, so it took a little more than that before she said, “Oh!” in a knowing tone, and then he was walking out of the medical bay without any trace of a stiff-legged limp.

Good thing, too. Hanzo would be waking up any minute now after his surgery, and Mercy wouldn’t have spared him any of her best effort to be sure he woke up healthy and whole…and incredibly horny.

Then he would go straight to his quarters.

In search of his toy.

Winston really seemed to have it out for Genji's brother. The very same transport that had brought Mercy back to the Watchpoint had taken Cassidy away.

Apparently, there was a stubborn band of former Blackwatch-turned-Talon operatives that his brother-in-law was by far the most qualified to handle.

So off he went.

Winston had asked to speak to them three days ago, and specifically requested them to be in the cafeteria when they took the call. In hindsight, it was obvious he had wanted them to be in an open and public space where they couldn’t roast him alive like they certainly would’ve had they been in their quarters.

His brother and brother-in-law had been so angry and so horny after Winston broke the news as gently as he could (and then ended the video call as quickly as he could) that they hadn’t been quite mindful enough of their lack of privacy.

“Fuck!” they had roared together, swinging all four of their fists down onto the table.

Genji had been about to enter the cafeteria, but he had paused at the shouted…shrieked word that was almost deafening out here in the hallway despite the firmly closed door.

Then there had been a diatribe, a tirade, that Genji had listened to, slack-jawed, because while he knew that both men had what could charitably be called “tempers”, it was amazing to hear them so enraged at the same time.

It had taken about fifteen minutes before their throats were too raw and there were no more chairs within arm’s-reach to throw.

Then, a deathly silence descended.

Then…

“Don’t,” Cassidy started, with sudden hesitance in sharp contrast to his bitter anger a few moments earlier, “Don’t…think less of me for this…”

More silence.

“For what?” Hanzo croaked, sounding exhausted now that he had vented out his immense frustration, but also clearly mystified and suspicious.

“For…for looking at…toys. While you’ve been…while we’ve been waiting.”

Hanzo sighed, the sound soft but clear to Genji’s cybernetic ears. “I don’t think less of you,” he murmured. “I’m only sorry that I couldn’t meet your needs.”

“Don’t need anything but you,” Cassidy said firmly, slamming his fist down on what must be a very dented table by now. “I’d wait a hundred years for you, and then I’d wait a hundred more if I had to. Which is what this’ll feel like,” he added bitterly.

There was another short silence, and Genji wondered if his brother had leaned against Cassidy or taken his hand or something similar. That had been the time to sneak away and stop listening to this clearly private and intimate conversation, but unfortunately…

“What did you find among those ‘toys’? I assume it’s something…ah…pertinent,” Hanzo said, sounding increasingly uncertain the longer he talked.

“Yeah, I’ll get right to the point. Hardlight dildos. Customizable hardlight dildos. Uh…live customizable dildos.”

It took his brother a moment.

“Live?”

“Live as in, current. Broadcasting. Streaming.”

Another moment.

“Oh.”

Now, despite the circumstances of Genji’s existence, when it came to electronics and telecommunications he was much more a user than a programmer…or a hacker.

But he’d learned a few tricks, especially since the terrifyingly powerful Sombra had reared her purple, glowing head and shut down parts of his cybernetics for a short but hair-raising time. Then, if only to understand what had happened to his body and how it happened, he had done some intense reading on the subject, and had grown increasingly nervous about how vulnerable all internet-connected devices were.

He’d never imagined, however, that he’d be taking advantage of those vulnerabilities. 

In the end, everything had been frighteningly easy.

Just a quick look at the express package that arrived at the Watchpoint less than 24 hours later, with the return address helping to ensure that another express package arrived less than 24 hours after that.

Then a quick search with the new WiFi visualization filter that Winston and Mercy had added to the cybernetics in his visor to help track Sombra’s movements and hacking locations, which came complete with a shockingly complete amount of data when it came to things like device IDs and security certificates and “secure” connections…

A quick (and untraceable) cloning and synchronization of the data he had mined…

And there they were, sitting on his bed when he returned to his quarters: two innocuous-looking metal rings, one of which could simulate an asshole, and the other which could simulate a dick, both in realtime, both as an exact facsimile, and both with precise feedback.

Genji closed the door behind him and licked his lips.

He doubted that Cassidy was going to treat his husband with anything close to the intensity he had treated his “toy” five days ago…

…but Genji needed something akin to it.

And he was going to have it.

He disrobed, shrugging off the hoodie that he sometimes wore.

To be honest, he often wore it just to be able to take it off, slowly, with anticipation, baring the gray, artificial skin and tan natural skin of his torso.

Then he did the same with his sweatpants, biting his lip as he slid the elastic waistband over his thickening cock, making it spring out when the fabric finally fell over his hips and dropped to the floor.

Then he sat on the bed, his cock twitching occasionally in his lap, but it was his hole that he was concerned with today…though Cassidy had been able to satisfy both last time.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed by as he sat there, breathless with anticipation, watching those two rings and not aware of much other than hope, hope that he had cloned the software and settings correctly, that he had modified everything correctly so that he would receive data but not transmit any, that it would work, just please, let it work…

Then the asshole simulator lit up, the hardlight flickering as it formed the perfect image of a tight ring of muscle.

Showtime.

Genji moved quickly.

He sighed in breathless anticipation as he inserted the other ring between his buttocks even as he kept his eyes trained on the asshole. It was twitching and clenching so realistically, looking almost real despite the cool blue color of the hardlight, and Genji couldn’t help licking his lips as he suppressed his longing to dip down and take a little taste, a little feel.

The fact that it was…possibly…his brother’s asshole meant surprisingly little to him at this point, horned up and vibrating with anticipation as he was.

Though it was a reminder, a sharp reminder, of what Hanzo had said on that fateful day, while Genji had been hiding Cassidy’s sextoy and crawling under the sheets. 

“It will be a struggle to decide what to do: fuck you into the mattress or ride you into the sunset.”

What had his brother and brother-in-law decided in the end?

Whose facsimile of an asshole was Genji staring at right now?

He wouldn’t know until…

But…probably…not even then.

Growing up together, Genji and Hanzo had shared the castle baths enough times that Genji was aware that Hanzo was…amply…endowed. Maybe even equally endowed as his husband. 

Would Genji be able to tell the difference?

Would Genji…would Genji care?

The question had been floating in the back of his mind during this whole insane process, and the answer, while not definitive in the lead-up to this moment, had seemed to indicate that he was going to take the risk.

And now that the moment had arrived…

Suddenly, the simulated asshole at his side…opened.

For a wild crazy moment, Genji had no idea what could possibly be making it stretch so wide and then wink closed, but when it trembled, clenched, and then opened once more, the answer slammed into his mind and shot straight down to his dick.

Anal beads, he thought, awestruck, as he watched that asshole tremble and then spread wide open again, wider this time, and then try to wink closed, but not quite managing it.

Then, one final time, widest of all but still fairly small for an anal bead, at least in Genji’s experience, it spread spread spread and then snapped almost closed, the ring of muscle trying to grip in vain at the small empty circle in its middle.

And that was all the warning either it or Genji got.

“Ah!”

Genji couldn’t hold back the surprisingly needy yelp.

There was no build-up, no teasing, no foreplay. In an instant, in a single moment, Genji was getting absolutely pummeled once again.

He had planned to lay out on his bed, face down, ass up, just like last time, but the furious piston spearing into his flesh so big, so wide, so deep…so fast!...had his back ramrod straight, his mouth open, his eyes wide, and his cock so, so hard.

The question of whether it was Hanzo or Cassidy pounding into him was now the farthest thing from his mind; the pace, the ferocious, absolutely merciless pace, was all that mattered, all that he needed, all that he had craved since that fateful day under Cassidy and Hanzo’s sheets.

He was dimly aware of falling back until he was leaning against the wall, somewhat conscious that he was spreading his legs wide to welcome that barbarous invader into his innards, a little cognizant that, not bound to silence like he was before, he was letting little noises, whimpers and whines, escape his drooling mouth.

Otherwise his mind and ass were equally full of that wonderful, thick, long, ruthless cock, slamming into him over and over, seeming to strike directly at his prostate like a battering ram, like lightning, until…

“Ah! Y-yes, Cass, yes, brother, ah, yes, yes, yes!” Genji babbled as his cock throbbed, twitched, and then erupted, throwing a shower of opalescent cum high into the air to rain down on his chest and face. “Oh, brother, Hanzo, Cass, Cassidy, Cassidy, yes, fuck me! Fill me! Fucking drill me til I can’t walk! Oh! Oh! Ah!”

Whoever it was thrusting into him, they certainly had stamina. For a time that seemed endless yet incredibly short, Genji, now slouching against the wall as he panted and whimpered and gasped when another, and then another orgasm was punched straight through his prostate and out his dick, had the presence of mind to wonder if this was proof that it was Cassidy once again using him so wantonly, or if his brother, after so many weeks without, was displaying the same amount of far-too-long-deprived lust, but he didn’t have much capacity left to dwell on it; the room was too hot, the air was too thick with the scent of his own cum and sweat and his needy sounds, and the holographic cock barreling into him was just right, pushing aside his abused yet non-resistant flesh and sending bolts of pleasure echoing throughout him. 

Then, regrettably, that cock slammed into him one last time, struck into his core with a force that, despite everything he had endured, forced the air out of his lungs, and then, as though stuck fast, trembled and pulsed within him, and Genji shuddered at the thought of how much cum must be flooding out, gushing out, and he blinked and shouted as he came one last time, pushed over the edge by the thought.

Breathing hard, almost wheezing, he came back to himself some time later.

The hardlight toys had powered off at some point while he had been lost in his post-orgasmic haze, leaving him achingly, almost pathetically empty.

He stared at the ceiling, breathing in the sharp, humid smell of his own essence, feeling it drop across his skin in rivulets and streams.

Success, he thought to himself with a weak chuckle. Success.