#because it's certainly fucking FREEING to a lot of lesbians!

[creaturesgrin]

ive had 2 (now ex) mutuals reblog that screenshot of a tiktok where it's got a woman whose manager is a trans man and still identifies as a lesbian- "and how it's actually not that big of a deal."

well, it is. trans men are men and lesbians don't like men. and if i see any other mutual reblog it, it's on sight. (punch emoji.)

[theneighborhoodwatch]

002 - Popstar, Franklydear and whatever we call what Wally and Home have going on

(send me a character/ship to hear my thoughts)

i've gotten Multiple asks about all of these pairings, so let's not waste anymore time. under the cut bc unsurprisingly this got Long.

POPSTAR

when or if I started shipping it: i think it first Really started with this pokemon AU post clown made talking about what he thought they'd be up to in that universe... the language he uses in that post really caught my eye, and it just kinda snowballed from there, especially as canon started picking up and we saw more of them interacting 1-on-1.

my thoughts: i feel like we don't really get a lot of yuri in this specific Type of horror (i.e. cute thing is secretly fucked up), at least not in the west. i think that's a crying shame, but i believe popstar has the potential to truly open the floodgates. unless i'm forgetting herstory - idk i feel like there's definitely some rpgmaker game out there that'll prove me wrong but you know what i mean. more mascot horror yuri NOW.

What makes me happy about them: i think it's super cute that they both kinda geek out whenever one of them asks the other for help, like they're being asked by this big huge celebrity and not, like. their literal next door neighbor lol. sally in particular - as bullheaded as she is, her insistence on trying to put poppy in the spotlight more often isn't because she thinks poppy is untalented and needs to train up, but because she genuinely thinks poppy is Just That Stunning And Talented And Beautiful, and doesn't want that to go to waste. nepotism has never looked so romantic <3

What makes me sad about them: sally seems to enlist poppy's help Way more than poppy does sally's, and while sally clearly Wants to take poppy seriously, she has a hard time not immediately brushing off other's concerns in general because She's An Auteur, Dammit, She Knows What She's Talking About. it does make me very worried for poppy! i think things between them are gonna get Way worse before they get better lol. not dysfunctional enough to be toxic yuri but certainly painful enough that it will Get Me when it happens.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: THAT NOBODY WRITES IT

Things I look for in fanfic: MORE OF IT

My kinks: again, serious in-depth answers go on the nsfw blog only. i will say i think they're definitely those people who keep trying to set up roleplay scenes only to get distracted by trying to figure out the technical aspects and/or getting so in-character that they forgot what the end goal was.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: poppy partridge if you read this im free on Thursday night and would like to hang out. Please respond to this and then hang out with me on Thursday night when I’m free.

My happily ever after for them: after a series of trials and tribulations, complete with at least one breakup arc, the two of them reconcile in an appropriately dramatic apology-that-looks-suspiciously-like-a-marriage-proposal scene. i don't really know what happens after that. i was going to say they go on to become lesbian statler and waldorf, but i think they would both be too invested in trying to give actual constructive criticism, so maybe they just mst3k it instead.

FRANKLYDEAR

when or if I started shipping it: i dunno! i don't remember ever being opposed to the ship, but there was definitely a period of time where my approach to it was more "hmmm i wonder what this ship being canon means for welcome home's Themes" and less "ough fuck they make me so sick," as opposed to the current day where it's a pretty even mix of both.

my thoughts: god what haven't i said about them. i think i peaked with this post. i don't think anything i say can summarize the appeal of their relationship to me more succinctly than that.

What makes me happy about them: when it comes to eddie, frank is like. frank is so fucking funny bc he seems to be under the impression that he's being subtle. yeah get mad whenever anyone who isn't you makes fun of that beautiful big breasted mailman to the point where you'll even defend his honor in the merch advertisements and also when you Do make fun of him be sure to be gentler than you would be with almost anyone else but also don't let up entirely bc then you won't get to see him be adorably flustered and also enforce a surname-only basis with him so people don't think you're getting too chummy but ALSO drop the surname-only basis whenever he seems genuinely upset to let him know that you're worried about him and want to help. and also do this in front of everyone at a holiday party. nobody will suspect a thing. and the best part is that IT WORKS ON EDDIE. EDDIE ALSO THINKS FRANK IS COOL AND TRUSTWORTHY AND RELIABLE ENOUGH THAT HE AUDIBLY/VISIBLY RELAXES WHENEVER FRANK ENTERS A SCENE.

What makes me sad about them: EDDIE'S ASS IS NOT PREPARED FOR THE DAY THAT IT'LL BE FRANK IN THE PROVERBIAL LOVESEAT OF TORMENT. arguably neither is frank but like given how eddie saw frank at the end of the homewarming special? it's going to FUCK him up.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: when i click on the eddie dear/frank frankly tag. and i filter out all mentions of wally darling. i should not still be seeing wally darling. do u understand. get that little yellow cunt OUT of here!!!!!!!

Things I look for in fanfic: pre-established relationship hurt/comfort or angst. i realize i may be alone in my interpretation of franklydear as not being Together together yet, but i am stubborn.

My kinks: i wonder how many times i can say "ask for my nsfw blog" without it getting old.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: GOOD QUESTION. i don't think either of them would particularly struggle to find a partner if they didn't end up with each other, but i also can't see either of them being attracted to any of their other neighbors.

My happily ever after for them: these two images specifically. in general they should get to be huge cornballs for at least a little while should they successfully endure The Horrors.

HOME AND WALLY. HOMEWALLY? WALLYHOME? WHO KNOWS.

when or if I started shipping it: an old friend of mine made a joke about it once in 2022, waaaay before there was any like, huge fandom presence outside of a few scant discord servers. i thought about it too hard and now i'm here.

my thoughts: romantically or not, THEY ARE SOOOOO DOOMED, DUDE. THEY ARE SO FUCKING DOOMED. and i don't mean, like, "yeah they have some stuff that makes their current relationship less than ideal but i'm sure they can work things out ^-^" no i mean DOOMED. there's only one way this relationship can end and it is in BLOOD and TEARS. and i will be there with a tissue box and a big ol' bucket of popcorn. i've written about them so much on this blog already but by god i will write more.

What makes me happy about them: the obsessive aspect to their relationship, like. it feels very mutual. it would be so easy to make home coldly imposing 24/7 and/or just have them be taking advantage of wally's love for them, but. no. they seem just as attached to their inhabitant as he is to them, for better or worse. i get a lot more mileage out of a relationship where both parties Love each other and desperately want to be all-encompassing for one another in All aspects of relationships, but live in a reality where that simply cannot be, and their relationship is wildly unhealthy as a result. home is a monument to a past that either never existed or cannot be revived without Severe consequences. but wally doesn't care about that. all wally cares about is that he is his home. see also: this post.

What makes me sad about them: [copypastes the entire above paragraph]

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: most wally/home fic is either pure crackfic or fic in which home gets hit hard with the ron the death eater treatment. like jesus, he's already pretty morally ambiguous in canon by just Standing There, you don't need to make him an actual rapist to establish that his and wally's relationship isn't exactly ideal.

Things I look for in fanfic: i don't look for it because i've pretty much given up on it being there at all, but i hope more folks write some actual character study-adjacent stuff about them some day!

My kinks: i do have actual answers to this but no way am i stating them here. again, i have a separate blog for that.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.

My happily ever after for them: you know that's not gonna happen.

[possibilistfanfiction]

can i say i absolutely love how you write ava being casually nonbinary so much. there are no fucking words to describe how much i fucking love your in depth exploration of butch beatrice, especially as an asian genderqueer sapphic who relates a lot to beatrice, your fics about it is definitely some of my top fav fics in the fandom, and like lowkey inspiring to me in my own journey to better accepting my queerness and exploring what it means for me, but also on the other end of the spectrum, i just love the casual simplicity (not sure if that’s the word i’m looking for) you write ava being nonbinary with

ava’s nonbinary, and it’s just a simple everyday fact of life just like the grass is green and the sun goes up and down everyday, there’s no need to dwell on it because ava doesn’t need to dwell on it and maybe her relationship or feelings about gender will change or get more complicated in the future or they won’t change one bit, but that doesn’t matter because it’s not the future right now and they’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it

[lil teeny bit of nb ava for the culture]

//

'hey,' ava says, trailing a hand up and down the inside of your forearm, 'do you... do you care?'

you have absolutely no idea what she's talking about; you care about a lot of things, and, more and more, there are plenty of things you also let fall to the wayside: sometimes they just are.

'do i care about what?'

ava sighs, scoots a little away from you on the couch, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. 'that i — i don't feel like i have a gender, or whatever. like, i'm a girl, i guess? but only because that's what people thought, and told me. but i don't feel like anything else. i mean, first of all, the gender binary is a tool of colonial oppression and white supremacy, especially when employed by the church —'

'— yes, that's true —'

'— but also, i have a literal divine battery pack keeping me alive, allegedly —'

'— the halo definitely is keeping you alive, we know that —'

'— and i've been to, like, realms and stuff. met a few gods; fought a few demons. fell in love with you.' she smiles softly. 'so it's just... limiting, to me. it feels limiting, to be one thing.'

'i don't think binary gender makes sense to me either,' you say, allow yourself to admit. ava probably has figured it out, even if you haven't been able to say it: you wear a binder some days, and you don't feel anything against she/her pronouns but there's masculinity and androgyny you crave, that you're just starting to feel steady and free enough to explore. 'i feel it differently than you — for me, being a woman is a particular experience that matters, but not in the way people want women to be. i don't know, it's a work in progress.' she squeezes your hand with a gentle smile. 'but, ava, i only care insomuch as you're the love of my life, and i want you to feel seen and cared for, just for who you are. i want to know you, whoever that is.'

she swallows and rests her head on your chest; the documentary about mushrooms she had put on in the background plays quietly. 'thank you.' she turns so her nose is pressed against your sternum, hugging you tight. 'i just know it's taken you a long time to, like, be okay with your own sexuality, and i didn't want to throw you for a loop if you were feeling really comfy with, you know.'

'being a lesbian?' you ask, try to keep the laugh out of your voice. 'i certainly don't want that to ever exclude gender expansive people, even if it's a word i like.'

'well, of course,' ava says, her breath warm through your t-shirt. 'you're you; you're the best there is.'

'i don't know about that.'

'nah, it's true. i do know. i'm the beatrice expert. god says so too, direct message. hotter jesus, remember?'

you do laugh, this time, and rub comfortingly up and down her spine, still your hand over the faint, warm hum of the halo. 'no matter what pronouns you use, or what name feels right, or what your gender expression is, i love you. i'm queer, which is expansive and abundant.' you have to swallow because, maybe for the first time ever, you believe the words wholeheartedly. your friends and your therapist and books and music and shows that you love have said them; you have said them, before, but not quite like this. the grace you want to give to ava is far beyond the grace you have ever allowed of yourself. 'queerness is infinite. and so is my love for you.'

ava sniffles and then wipes her nose with the back of her hand, props herself up on an elbow and kisses you. 'the same goes for you, you know that, right?'

'yes,' you say. 'i — i hold it close, often.'

she pauses, holds your jaw in her palm, and then kisses you. you kiss her back, with your eyes closed, with tears pressing at them that won't fall, not this time.

ava doesn't hesitate a few days later when she introduces herself to a few of your friends and says that they can use any pronouns; she tries on one of your binders one afternoon and then frowns and laughs and says, god, i love my boobs but then quietly makes sure to massage your shoulders every evening after that. she tries on any clothes she wants, picks out a suit one day that she whistles at when she sees herself in the mirror, and then laughs. there's quiet nights and loud brunches and your friends who consistently use different pronouns for ava without batting an eye, and it makes her smile even as she dumps salsa that will be way too hot on her chilaquiles and then has to eat them trying to hide a grimace. you don't know how to have that much freedom, not yet, but ava holds your hand and leads you along, always.

you're figuring it out, the loosening of limits you'd set so tight within yourself; ava's figuring it out too: how to be, and how to become when, of course, there's still cruelty — but there's infinite abundance too. you turn back to the documentary — all the fungi that weaves its ways in and out of the world, for longer than you can imagine. all the fish in the sea; all the stars in the sky — a steadfastness and a wonder and a joy, to exist beyond. to become.

[justalittleratman]

I'll preface this by saying I don't know a lot about QPRs:

I thought that a QPR was a committed partnership with no sex or romance involved, but you're saying that allo ppl in a QPR can have romantic feelings for each other, just not exclusively? I'm not sure I understand that. Wouldn't a committed relationship between two allo people who feel romantic and sexual attraction to each other functionally be the same as a romantic relationship, but just labeled differently? What does "exclusively romantic" mean? I'm not sure that anyone in a healthy LTR would describe it that way. I certainly wouldn't. Romance is a part of my relationship with my gf sure, but it's not the only or even most important part. Our strong friendship is and has always been the foundation. Romantic feelings fade pretty quickly (I've heard about 1-2 yrs but im not sure how true that is), and sexual attraction fluctuates, so any kind of relationship that is built on that probably isn't going to last. I hope this doesn't come across as rude. I'm genuinely trying to understand. People are free to label their relationships however they want, but in the situation you're describing, it just seems like splitting hairs to me (a 30+ yr old allo lesbian with a lot of relationship experience).

long story short:

there are no "requirements" to fill for you to call your relationship with someone a QPR

the term is fluid, it inherently defies rigidity and is just used by people who feel their bond doesn't fit in the binary "platonic vs romantic" model

queerplatonic doesn't mean queer + platonic, it is not queer people who are in a platonic relationship, instead it "queerifies" what platonic means

basically the whole point is rejecting the divide between romantic partnership and "just" friends

in regards to dnp specifically, again i wasn't posting to speculate if they're in a QPR or not, but rather point out the fact that i found the lack of discussion around the possibility of a QPR interesting since we don't actually *know* how they define their relationship to eachother and the most we've ever gotten was Dan saying "we're best friends, arch enemies, husbands, business partners, partners in crime, soul mates, just mates, who the fuck knows?" , which (to me) gives off huge QPR vibes, so I don't understand why this option is not more talked about

this will be my last post about this because I feel I've said all I wanted about the subject

[aeskanera]

My personal ranking of Kotor companions from most to least favourite:

Juhani - naturally the top spot goes to the first lgbt+ character in star wars media. we love a lil lesbian

Mission Vao - this is my child, goes without saying

T3-M4 - he beeps! he goes deet deet! he has a flamethrower! he cost like a thousand credits though hence the third place ranking

Hanharr - so I know no one ranks him very highly ever or talks about him cause it’s actually pretty hard to get him in a play through but like. if you can find his dialogue options online and read through all his conversations I would so recommend it. He is absolutely fascinating whether you’re giving LS or DS answers and he’s an extraordinarily interesting character study (as are all the Kotor II characters but he’s a particularly underrated one). They took a lot of elements of Zaalbar but also Juhani and really fleshed them out and since Juhani’s my fav it makes sense I’d like him

Canderous Ordo - bioware let me romance him I’m begging you on hands and knees. that being said I know my opinion of him is biased for this reason so to be objective he’s a few spots down

Atton Rand - normally I don’t get the obsession when tumblr goes nuts for the most average men but like. i get it this time. Especially because he’s not average he’s arguably the most nuanced and complex star wars character to exist, even more so than Kreia (to me) with insane depth and his romance is certainly the best written romance in star wars. but also this man doesn’t shower

Mira - I feel like sis never gets enough credit for definitely (in my mind) being down bad for female exile. like she fully rejects male exile if he comes on to her and then when she comments to the other girls like “back off he’s mine” she follows up with clarifying that if anyone is going to turn him in for a bounty it’s her. and if female exile asks if Mira knows anything about men Mira’s just like “I know how to hunt them for bounties. What else could you possibly need them for.” and when you read her thoughts she only wonders how male exile still looks so young but for a female exile she specifically is like “she’s just so naturally beautiful” cue hearteyes. That being said her being wlw is not canon and she absolutely reeks of performative third wave feminism

Kreia - Kreia, sis, take a chill pill. wonderful, fascinatingly written character and all but like. damn. also middle of the list for being a parasocial mother figure to me in all the good ways and the bad. She would be lower but she was a fucking beast in combat plus carrying on the Star Wars legacy of losing hands in lightsaber duels

Carth Onasi - they said cookie cutter hero even down to the dead wife but also give this man the worst trust issues you’ve ever seen and make him awful at flirting. I did not know the game pseudo forces you into his romance even if you reject him, cause I’ll not lie the first time I played through the game his awkward and downright terrible rizz captivated me. but also if I didn’t give Mira a free pass for product-of-its-time writing, it’s not fair if I don’t also judge Carth for that so like negative points for pushy sexism

Visas Marr - don’t like that if you’re a male exile it forces you to have only saved her life out of sexual desire no matter what you say about it. and if we’re judging Carth’s romance for that, we have to judge this too. plus she’s so bad in fights, I don’t know what it was but I could never get her to stay conscious for any fights even low level ones no matter what I did in a play through. But also my darling with the best fashion taste in these entire games. Shy lil sweetheart who also fully was preparing to slit your throat. Like I love her, the uselessness as a companion is fully the reason she’s so low

Bastila Shan - she is as preachy as everyone says and it’s so much worse when you learn she’s supposed to be like 20 years old (which yikes x1000 for male Revan) but even with female Revan I was always willing to overlook the preachiness as a character thing back when I thought she was closer to the same age as Revan, like in her 30s or close to equals at least. But it does become much harder to overlook the arrogance and lectures when this snotrag is like at least a decade younger than you. also what even is battle meditation it’s a stupid power. but I cannot deny the mommy issues did make me relate hard plus now that legends isn’t canon (not that it ever was) that means legends is whatever I want it to be so in my brain Bastila is at least 30

Zaalbar - I want to like him so much more than I do. He’s just I think one of the worst cases of Kotor I having a very limited system of good and evil so like all of the nuance that his character could have is pretty straightforwardly handled and very black and white

Jolee Bindo - take notes Kreia on the superior grey jedi (even though I ranked him so much lower than her lol). but yeah mad props for being the only true grey jedi to exist in these games, at least when you first meet him. I just unfortunately have adhd and since his whole character and all his interactions are just longwinded war stories, I get very bored very quickly. (and yes Canderous is similar but his stories are shorter and don’t make up his entire relationship with Revan and also I want to romance him)

Bao-Dur - we love to see disability rep just would be nice if I could have more than like three conversations with him. as great a setup and backstory as the rest of the Kotor II companions and then they do basically nothing with him even if he learns Force wielding

HK-47 - he’s mostly so far down because I think he’s extremely overrated. like he as a character is fun but he’s treated like the greatest cleverest writing to have ever existed when it’s literally just the same two jokes over and over again

Mical the Disciple - I do love him actually but yeah everyone’s not wrong about him being the blandest most milquetoast nerd to have ever existed. I do have affection in my heart for him but unfortunately he must also lose brownie points for replacing Dvakvar, an infinitely cooler character

Brianna the Handmaiden - this girl would have bullied me in high school I think

Dvakvar Grahrk - why did they replace this cool alien with yet another boring human. clearly they did not think it would be believable that Atton would be jealous of an alien’s relationship with f!exile or else he’d have been more jealous of Bao-Dur as well. star wars made aliens only to hate on them and quite frankly I would like to have recruited and possibly (depending on the quality of footage that could have existed) even romanced Dvakvar. Unfortunately because we know next to nothing about him he must come at the bottom of the list. RIP to what could have been

G0-T0 - I literally forgot about him at first, I simply do not care about this thing

Honorary mention: Bao-Dur’s Remote - he’s just a lil guy that zooms around! no flaws nothing but perfection. would be number one if I considered him an full companion. Also honorary mention to Trask Ulgo, gone but not forgotten

[lesbian-duck-art]

Sorry if this is annoying!

Do you have any specific headcanons about sdmi?

Oh my god you’re not annoying at all!!😭 I love talking to you you’re so good! I have a few here and there so let me put them down here. so sorry a lot of this is E or Angel related!

- E has so many issues in regards to relationships whether it be romantic or otherwise. Pericles’ betrayal and being forced to leave everything and one he’d ever known at 17 did a lot of damage and I don’t think he’s ever fully recovered. It’s the reason he pushes people, including Cassidy, away. Because of his childhood best friend who he cared immensely for could betray him, why couldn’t everyone else? He’s definitely got PTSD and I feel like if he didn’t already, now has a severe anxiety disorder

- We don’t see a whole lot of Ed Machine in the series nor do we know a lot about him but I think he was closer to E and Angel than people tend to assume. Whether that means they were friends or polycule, I take either one lol

- I think Nibiru’s curse has a waaaay harder time affecting people who have someone they love. Whether that be familial, romantic, or even friendship. There is no love within the original Mystery Incorporated and they fall to shreds. MI II on the other hand comes back together through their love for one another. Marcie is able to break free of the curse because of Velma, Mayor Jones temporarily breaks free because despite the lie he does love and care about Fred, E loses both Ed and Angel one after the other and he becomes worse until he realizes Angel is gone.

- That in mind: I do think Jones cared about Fred. I think sans curse, he would’ve been a better dad and I see parts of Post-Nibiru Timeline/Sitting Room Jones peak through in both seasons. There’s a one shot fic on AO3 about him in the episode with that art monster? Highly recommend it and it’s exactly how I view him as a character

- While on the topic of Fred Jones Sr., I feel like his time in jail and away from the Planispheric disk weakened the curse’s hold. Not by a lot certainly, but by a tiny bit. I think the closer you get to the pieces the more corrupt you become

- I truly think that if things were different and E had let his walls down and interacted with the kids the way Angel did, I think the mystery inc gang would’ve gotten along with him the same way they do Angel! (This is part of why I enjoy Purposefully Silent so much lol it gives me exactly what I wish the show had) I still think everything would have gone to shit one way or another but

- We been knew that Fred is autistic but I also raise that like. All of Mystery Inc is somewhere between autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD(I say this as someone who is autistic and possibly AuDHD). With this I also think Ricky is neurodivergent

- Angel is pan, E is Bi, Daphne and Fred are also bi, I think Shaggy is pan and maybe even aro, Marcie and Velma are both lesbians. I also honestly think there’s n o t h i n g about E that screams “cisgender” but I can never decide if my answer is trans man or “he/him/they/them” non-binary

- Jones and Sheriff Stone *abso-fucking-lutely* had something going on there was nothing heterosexual present. Jones is giving gay man who’s over compensating via toxic masculinity and Sheriff Stone just seems to be into Crystal Cove Mayors

- Birds were Ricky’s hyperfixation after he met Professor Pericles. He knew all the different facts and terminology and everything. He still remembers most of it(mostly unwillingly), but it’s never relevant anymore

- I’ve said it once I’ll say it again I just think E gives off dad vibes in a way I can’t explain and this is why the Velma is Ricky and Cassidy’s daughter AU is one of my favorites and one I wanna do a fic for

I don’t want to make this too long so I’ll stop here but you’re not annoying and I’m actually so glad you asked!😭 I am always down to talk about this show and you already know I enjoy talking to you lol I feel I’m very bad at expressing my head canons so I hope this is okay!

[grizzcore]

I had a lot of sex in my life where I was like “that was certainly something, it kinda felt good, it was something to do, it made me feel vulnerable and gave physical reassurance that I’m in some way desirable.”

And it took me a long time to realize that being okay with sex is totally different than wanting sex , and that repeatedly putting myself in a situation where sex was being used a tool by me and others to establish connection or validation ? meant the connection was not there naturally or that the sex was about validating myself instead of because of desire for that partner . I did not desire sex with that person, I desired the concept of being desired, of being desired as a masculine person and validated in my masculinity, but the lack of connection during that intimacy was slowly traumatizing me as I was not actually fulfilling my own sexual needs because I did not understand that there is more to sexuality than being okay with it or on a more subconscious level using it to feel more secure in my (now defunct) identity

You should like. Want it. You should get wet when you fantasize about it. It should excite you physically and psychologically. You should like. Actually WANT it.

I didn’t realize how much having sex with men was hurting me until I stopped. And slowly over a few months my eyes peeled more and more open and I realized I never liked it. I never wanted it. I wanted to be reminded someone could like me; which isn’t the same as being attracted to someone.

Now I sit around craving butch pussy like a sex crazed fiend. I think about my butch every goddamn free second I have for my brain to wander. I want to fuck my butch I want to be fucked by my butch I absolutely cannot get over how much sex means to me and how much sexual intimacy changed total meaning to me when I stopped having sex with people I wasn’t actually attracted to.

Anyway. Sometimes lesbianism isn’t about hating sex with men. Sometimes it’s about how indifferent you are to it. You shouldn’t be indifferent to sex, and I’m not saying everyone who’s indifferent to sex is a lesbian, but I’m saying if you’ve had other “I might be gay” moments, even flashes? You may want to … ya know. Try a few female partners out.

[prince-liest]

ARO/ACE NAVELGAZING

Now that I've unlocked the final square on my ell gee bee tee bingo card, I've begun to wonder how much of my gender thing is sourced in being an aroace thing. I find that despite being 27 years old, being called "girl" has never actually quite bothered me, but the word "woman" in relation to myself is so viscerally unappealing that I can't find any way in my imagination to comfortable with it. I've noticed that about myself before, but I've never really thought about it overmuch, and now I'm wondering if it is because "adult woman" is a status that is just inextricably connected with being an object of sexuality and romance in my mind for messy societal misogyny reasons.

I've always identified extensively with robot/android/AI characters - Breq from Imperial Radch, Murderbot from the Murderbot Diaries, Connor from Detroit: Become Human - and I used to think that it was, in fact, the gender thing.

But the other thing all of those characters have in common is that they're not canonically subjects of romance or sexuality and, in fact, in some cases are explicitly portrayed as finding those things repugnant. Further introspection also reminds me that I've found similar comfortable relatability in female characters who aren't inhuman in any way, but also aren't involved in romance in any major way. Archivist Wasp comes to mind, and so does Baru Cormorant (who is very notably a lesbian, which is an active threat to her existence, but did not feel to me like she ever had a romance so much as she had close, complicated, painfully unromantic yet codependent relationships that she then destroyed - though I haven't read the third book).

In those cases of female protagonists who aren't involved in romance, they are significantly more relatable than non-romantic male protagonists because non-romantic male protagonists still feel very male to me. Society and media don't usually hinge male characters' masculinity on their romantic and sexual experiences in the same way that feels like a default for female characters. And in comparison, female characters that aren't involved in romance still experience the societal consequences of being female, which are important to my ability to relate to a character. And in the meanwhile, separating them from any romance feels like it de-sexes them in the narrative, in a way. I get that I'm reading a female character, but I don't feel like I'm reading about a woman because woman is something that has been drilled into my head as "object of sexualization and romance."

Despite the lack of discomfort, "girl" is still not a word I identify with strongly. Rather, it feels more like a safe mask, particularly since most of the people who use it are people who I do in fact have to mask with. But it's a comfortable mask. It's not one that I mind. In contrast, any time someone calls me a "woman" it makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. On the other hand, being called "boy" was outright delightful as a kid. On the third mutant hand presumably growing out of my rib cage, I strongly identify with the term "lesbian" because I feel like it encompasses many of my experiences, ranging from misogyny to compulsory heterosexuality. It just also turns out that the discomfort I feel at someone being interested in me isn't restricted just to men.

Coming to the realization of the aroace thing feels freeing in the sense that I no longer feel like I have to seek and perform romance that I have no interest in, and that I'm allowed to continue being comfortable in my skin without ever wanting a romantic partner. However, it does also certainly highlight how strongly I value my platonic friends and makes me wish that deep platonic relationships and non-sexual closeness were more normalized in society. I've spent a long time mentally prodding my feelings about closeness with people with a stick (particularly the way that they are sometimes very hot-and-cold), and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I do in fact really value closeness and intimacy, but that on top of having strict personal limits, I am also just extremely put off by this perpetual undercurrent of anxious concern that what if someone thinks this is not platonic.

People having romantic interest in me is very stressful and frequently makes me aggressively disinclined to be around that person at all, and I have not always handled that well in the past. I actually recently had someone (cishet, unfamiliar with the term) say that the very concept of being aro/ace sounds like a code word for "intimacy issues." Which sucks! I didn't see that statement coming and had a difficult time explaining how incredibly not-uncomfortable I am with intimacy. If I had any desire for sexual or romantic intimacy, it would not be even remotely anxiety-inducing to acquire. Source: Been there, done that, it was gross. I am very full of love. I would just like it to be platonic. The wires simply don't run in the direction of romance for me and I want people to stop assuming that they do whenever I do express fondness.

Shout out to the one friend I have that actually did have a crush on me but never acted on it because she picked up what I was putting down before I realized what I was putting down, pfft. She is the best. I can't wait to further irrevocably integrate myself into her life and babysit her future children.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bury myself in another several dozen Hank & Connor fucked up found family fics and also continue to emotionally identify with robots because that is how I see myself emotionally, which I am very comfortable with.

[bullywug-n-mugwort]

.

idk why people just decide they get to invalidate someone else's identity when they are not the one with that identity and therefore don't know what they're talking about. just saw someone i otherwise respect reblog a post about how bisexual lesbian is an invalid term because each term has changed over time and claiming it's lesbophobic and biphobic to use the term [something something mutually exclusive experiences]. i usually call my orientation "queer" but i often use "bi lesbian" to make sense of my own experience. the tags of this post were full of people dunking on all imagined reasons someone may call themselves a bi lesbian, none of which reflect my own experiences and reasoning.

not that i should have to defend myself, but a lot of these comments were very fixated on the experiences of "liking only women" vs "liking both women and men." these categories obviously have social significance, but to me personally, romantically and sexually, these categories aren't super helpful. i cannot isolate traits of manhood or womanhood i find attractive. i'm into femme traits until i see a hot butch. i like certain chests, certain facial features, and any genitals. these traits don't map onto coherent binary genders very well. not to mention my attractions shift with my fluid gender. if i'm looking for a consistent pattern, i'm into gendernonconformity if anything. i guess i'm far more into women than i am men unless the man is a flamboyant twink but at the end of the day i'm not into either as much as i am a very specific weird collection of queer gender markers. (and pansexual had never seemed to fit the bill, because there are also many gender expressions and markers i am certainly unattracted to.)

does that really make me a biphobic bisexual? i wrestled with more shame at the idea that i was a lesbian, a stereotype threat for the bisexual community i love. the twink i married turned out not to be a man at all. i was struggling with worries about comphet for years because i loved them but our marriage didn't feel "right," and now that we're both practicing genderqueers it does. to me, that experience made bisexuality feel less like home than it had before. at the same time, finding like two men attractive excludes me from the lesbian community. is it such a sin to have found home in a term that made coherent my knot of comphet and dysphoria?

i realized, as many lesbians with comphet do, that i would probably never be happy in a relationship with a man, as in someone who self- identified as a man and embraced manhood. i also find astarion bg3 hot as fuck. i fail to see how these are mutually exclusive experiences.

can i guarantee that no biphobia or lesbophobia has wormed its way into my brain? of course not, but it is so strange that embracing both those terms brands you as someone who hates both. it's also strange to exclude people from terms on the basis of internalized shame. why care if some people call themselves bi lesbians? does it feel invalidating to you? that's your own work-- same as women who think afab nonbinary people are really just women who are ashamed of being a woman and therefore should continue living as "women". (ie it's not my job to choose an identity that you approve of or think is free of shame. you figure it out.) are you worried it invalidates us in the eyes of the heteros? i simply don't believe in policing our own terms to make cishets see us as more valid or understandable. it's disguised respectability politics, plain and simple.

all these terms for our identities are best fits and best guesses, grasping for connections under this big lovely queer umbrella. the person who reblogged that post is a nonbinary lesbian. why do the same people who accept the concept of a nonbinary lesbian-- a thing that should be impossible if the term "lesbian" has actually calcified as the post claims-- insist that "bisexual" and "lesbian" are concrete, immovable, and mutually exclusive identities? to be extremely clear, i support nonbinary lesbianism. it's valid. and it's a weird fucking line to draw, saying that the gender spectrum can support loosely-gendered lesbianism on the side of the beholder but not the recipients.

there was also a historical argument claiming that people are misinterpreting contexts in which bisexual lesbian was used circa early 20th century. and like... okay??? i found the term in a pdf zine from the 90's which interviewed self-identified bisexual lesbians, gleaning a bunch of different reasons for the label. some fell into the assumptions of the aforementioned post, eg bisexuals who were basically political lesbians. (i don't claim to support this stance, though i do still insist people can call themselves whatever they want.) many more summarized complicated stories like mine, people who did not fall neatly into either "mutually exclusive" category because, it turns out, gender is a fluid weird spectrum. bi lesbians whose attractions are bi and gender is lesbian. bi lesbians who were literally only into women except for one "man". bi lesbians who were trying to untangle comphet and so weren't sure which label, if either, fit. bi lesbians who liked to fuck any gender but only fell in love with "women". so anyway, fuck outta here with "history doesn't work like that" narrow target practice.

and even if that's true... again, words are evolving all the time. we've made words like sapphic and achillean to make some sense of gender. "lesbian" has on-off been used as a gender term for decades. we've invited nonbinary people into lesbianism and many understandings of gender into bisexuality. bi lesbian is another evolution of our language, and people have been shitty about it since at least the early days of DTWOF-- bechdel's characters struggled with all of the above since the 80's.

and what's the point of terms? to find community, self- identity, and sometimes practical utility, eg in the dating world. were i to date again (yikes), "bisexual" would not be a helpful self-descriptor for finding a romantic partner. lesbian would. if i wanted to hook up, bisexual would be more helpful than lesbian, and i'd have to root through lots of gender expressions anyway. so in terms of my self identity and finding communities of similar folk, "bi lesbian" is a super helpful term. if you are a bisexual or a lesbian and feel frustrated or confused by my term, that's because it doesn't apply to you. maybe just realize this isn't your thing and leave our community to explore our experiences. love you, see you later in the sapphic tags where we have things in common.

so anyway, i think it's pretty silly to see a term, imagine reasons you dislike for why someone may use it, and pitch a fit. my identity's legitimacy has no bearing on yours. leave us alone.

[danggirlronpa]

Hii!! How was your day? i read about the ask thing sooo..

If you can't talk about Two ships in the ask is fine!

🍑 HiyoBuki!! (My OTP, my babies, My reason to draw)

🍑Komahinazumi!! (I love the dynamic of, Sane Girlboss, Half-Sane boyfriend and....Nagito)

Thanks for reading!, Take care

It's been really good! I got a lot of work done today, which is good because I have a LOT on my plate right now. And of course I get to talk about Dangan girls :3

Hiyobuki is THE highest tier Hiyoko ship imo. Hiyoko getting to express herself free from the rigid confines of her family's expectations in a healthier, less damaging way! Ibuki being unambiguously accepted for who she is and the art she makes, not in a "haha she's so weird and kooky way" but in a "FUCK yeah i ALSO love that!!" way! Ibuki going out of her way to help Hiyoko come to terms with her grief using an outlet she knows will work for both of them! Evil Lesbian Behavior!! Hell Yeah

To be totally honest, I'm not a big Nagito shipper. I recognize that he is coded in romantic ways in the game itself, but the way the fandom mischaracterizes him and plays down the parts of his character I find most interesting...it's just really turned me off of him. I don't Mind Chiaki/Hajime/Nagito, and I certainly think it has a place in the Main Trio Ships. But it's just not for me!

[semper-legens]

155. Y: The Last Man, book one, by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra

Owned: No, library Page count: 246 My summary: One day, for no reason anyone could divine, all of the men on Earth died at once. Everyone with a Y chromosome fell prey to this sweeping arm of death - except two. Yorick, and his pet monkey. Now the world is in ruins, but all Yorick wants is to find his girlfriend who is half the world away. But everyone else wants him dead... My rating: 2/5 My commentary:

I had heard good things about this comic, despite its premise being a bit wonky, and I come away ridiculously disappointed by it. I’m sorry, this story was just not interesting. The assumptions that it makes about gender, the criticisms it makes towards feminism, the blandness of the main character...I didn’t see much in it to like, and I am definitely not going to be reading the rest.

My main beef with the story is the Amazons, a feminist group that appears after the men die for...some reason. They’re crazy! They burn sperm banks, believe all men are evil and should be killed (despite that having, you know, happened as far as they know), and burn off a breast to make archery easier for...some reason. They’re hateful and villainous and, like, this isn’t what a lot of feminism is. Oh sure, radfems are like this in real life, but this is less a nuanced criticism of radical feminist thought and more LOOK AT ALL THOSE MAN-HATIN’ FEMINISTS, THEY SURE ARE EVIL, you know what I mean? I really question why a group like this would appear after all the men are dead.

Secondarily, the assumptions this book makes about gender are...questionable? I don’t doubt that the stats it quotes about which professions have now lost a lot of their personnel are accurate to 2002, when this first released, but just because 99% of all electricians, say, are dead, doesn’t mean that nobody with those skills survived. You can know how to do a thing and not be a professional in that field. Where are all the car-fixin’ butch lesbians? And would all the men dying necessarily cause an apocalyptic scenario like this? It’s not like, historically, in scenarios without men, women haven’t just. Got on with things. Like in the world wars, or in towns where all the men were killed in mines or at sea.

You notice how I’ve gotten this far without talking about the main character? That’s because Yorick is boring as fuck. He’s just a generic straight white guy. Everyone else wants to bone and/or murder him (in a gender-swapped version of this, girl!Yorick would almost certainly be immediately enslaved for breeding, but guy!Yorick gets to wander around and be free through the power of manliness) but all he wants is to find his boring girlfriend and be boring together. There are so many characters in this sort of world I would want to follow, and the narrative is not interested in any of them.

And, I’m sorry, this book’s treatment of trans people is disgusting. Not only have all trans women and transfeminine people been murdered out of hand by this mysterious plague that only affects people with a Y chromosome (chromosomes are not that simple, but I digress), but the one time the series acknowledges trans men is by a character mentioning a boyfriend, then to say that ‘she’ was a ‘tr*nny’ who was murdered by the Amazons despite not being a ‘real’ guy. I don’t think I need to say why this is horrible.

Next up, something far better - history, and a cautionary tale about getting trapped in the Antarctic ice.

[entwifeexperience]

The Social Media Panopticon…

The Social Media Panopticon, Undiagnosed Neurodivergences, Wokescoldery, and the Power of Di

The Social Media Panopticon, Undiagnosed Neurodivergences, Wokescoldery, and the Power of Discourse  

CW: Referenced bigotry, digital self-harm, Twitter 

Hey there!  

This is my second introduction and backstory in the TTRPG social media space, I want to unpack this so I can start fresh on these new platforms. (My Re-introduction with all my links can be found here)

Notes 

This is almost certainly an exercise in pointlessness that absolutely no one could be expected read or get anything out of. It’s just important and cathartic to me to do this.

We're talking cringe, parasocial, reactionary, wokescold and tenderqueer stuff, not anything more malicious or fucked, which is depressing to have to clarify, but the various TTRPG spaces have and still have a lot of abusers, Nazis, and bad actors. Be mindful that we're not all just a bunch of pals playing a fun home game... I’m doing my best to not point fingers here and to take things on the chin, and reckon with my past behaviours and perspectives.

There are no names in here, both because this is not about calling anyone out and my memory is a fucking nightmare. 

I joined Twitter a number of years back (time has ceased to have meaning since the beginning of the pandemic and the eternal lockdown of the chronically ill), as an assumed cishet guy with experience working on some wargaming and  TTRPG blogs on tumblr back in the day, ready to dive into D&D 5e and befriend every person who played the game because they all must be lovely, wonderful people... On the plus side, I did meet some incredible and inspiring people, play some phenomenal games, get into reviews more formally, and discover that trans people existed outside of awful punchlines in movies. 

The Queer and trans representation and inclusivity of certain parts of TTRPG Twitter had a profound effect on me, allowing me to begin to reckon with over 30 years of repressed sexuality and gender shit tied to my childhood trauma and C-PTSD. This led to my Queer Archimedes moment in the bath realising I was bi (Queer Bisexual Panromantic Lesbian [MSpec Lesbian love and solidarity! Haters learn Queer history]) and the beginning of my gender journey as non-binary (Non-Binary Genderqueer Genderfae Trans Womxn). Eternal love and appreciation to TK Johnson, Brittney Hay, Sage Stafford, Lore Evans, and many more for your support and/ or simply existing.

The foolishness of trusting all TTRPG creators, players and unwieldy following on my main account, changing my name a number of times and wanting to start fresh with new levels of identity and (attempts at) understanding of the world, and finalising my name and the name I wanted to create under, Sebrina Calkins (Brina, please) and Entwife Experience, respectively. I’m not interested in including deadname stuff here, but you can see the various names in my DriveThruRPG/ DMs Guild reviews. 

Besides the foolishness of follows, I discovered that Twitter was fucking awful for me due to my neurodivergences (C-PTSD, Severe ADHD and undiagnosed, but ludicrous RAADS-R scoring autism) and isolation since being made medically redundant and developing fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and my C-PTSD emerging with a lot of anxiety, depression and physical conversion symptoms in 2010, leaving me mostly housebound. This was only exacerbated with the beginning of the pandemic and the eternal lockdown chronically ill people like me are living in. This manifested in two major ways. 

The first being the unique way in which Twitter encourages free and edgy posting while leaving you absolutely exposed to the world and its judgement. Twitter and social media, in general, are known for its wokescolds and tenderqueers (if you don’t like that language, just pretend I say faux progressive each time), loud, passionate, and fucking ridiculously unhelpful and hateful people who wield identity, often not even their own, as a cudgel to beat others, tone police, hate mob, ‘cancel’, and generally make the lives of everyone harder, including the people they are supposedly advocating for. If you want a perfect example and insightful breakdown of these phenomena, check out this incredible video by CH4R10T: One of the Most Disgusting Videos I've Ever Watched on Stream | Reacting to "Keffals is a Bigot", deconstructing the insidious bullshittery of the clown town and their myopic attempt to call Keffals a bigot. (Cherry and I are both trans and neurodivergent, so if any of this is too much for you remember that it makes it OK). Alongside, the very necessary and important work done by many in the TTRPG spaces to increase inclusion, and diversity, and combat the literal Nazis and bigoted grognards, these people also existed, and my exposure to them there and all over Twitter, lead to me taking on a lot of these kinds of opinions and stances. I am ashamed to say I was posting rage-filled cringe while Lindsey Ellis burned which I deeply regret. This and taking the disingenuous and dangerous claims of certain ‘Cool Tube’ creators at face value will haunt me and have made me determined to be more critical. 

This, along with the constant discoursing, and just how out of hand said discoursing would get, with people I respected and considered friends on both sides acting in ways incomprehensible to me, especially in their inconsistency and hypocrisy with how they treated subjects and people broke the shit out of my brain. I absolutely could not compute it. I hate disagreeing with people I respect and/ or care about, and I definitely don’t want to be problematic or offensive, and the idea of upsetting or harming someone through my action or inaction makes me sick.  

THIS WAS ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ON TWITTER, even if not directly called out or subtweeted that feeling of dread and paranoia was constant.  

I am very aware that this is me problem; the perfect storm of my C-PTSD, ADHD, and autism, but it, and trying to be aware of all bad actors, transphobes, etc. by exposing myself to them to report and block fucking broke me and became an act of digital self-harm, as my mental health spiralled in the wake of the first years of the pandemic and the rise of such vehement and violent transphobia. 

I heard someone say this once and it absolutely skewered me and burned itself into my grey matter:     

You made the classic blunder: "Never fuck with an Autistic's sense of justice."

The other major problem I had was the way I approached my relationships with people on TTRPG Twitter. Due to my only really existing and socialising online, because of the conditions ad disabilities mentioned earlier, I approached social media in a vastly different way to many, and one which was particularly unhealthy, especially for Twitter. I was working on the notion that interacting with the people I was seeing every day online was comparable to if we were doing so in meat space and making incorrect assumptions about familiarity and the growth and depth of relationships over time. While others were popping in for takes, promo, discourse, arranging games, etc., they had lives and friends in the ‘real world’, while it was IRL to me and I was hoping to make friends. Everything above complicated this as well. This was unrealistic and unhelpful. Thankfully, my time away from TTRPG social media has given me some perspective and I realise how unreasonable my expectations were and how inappropriate a platform like Twitter is for making those kinds of connections, especially for the particularly neurodivergent. 

Now I obsess over Discord. (Mostly joking) It is a much better platform for actually having meaningful conversations and getting to know people. 

My intention is not to make the same mistakes with Mastodon and tumblr, and to focus on the hype, reviews, creating, and less intense interactions with folx on there. Anything else can be taken to another platform. The final problem I had with how things worked before was that I wanted to do everything for everyone and ended up with all manner of horrifying versions of the List of Many, meaning that there were so many people I never got around to reviewing and felt absolutely awful about not supporting and/ or getting a review copy for nothing. This time I am going to be more selective and more aware of my conditions and limitations.

Anyways, my apologies to anyone who bothered to read all that self-indulgent cathartic waffle. 

Love and Solidarity, 

Brina/ Entwife Experience

scourse

[littledoggy-girlcollar]

@sunnysbright​

ok so like i said in the tags. first of all she’s a werewolf so jot that down, i don’t make the rules sorry.

anyways. i really started thinking about this after reblogging this post, and i do think the comparison with airk will help so we’re gonna roll with it. in the bit we see of him in the first episode, airk seems to be a bit of the stereotypical charming, slightly slutty prince that tends to crop up - you know, the kind that’s a bit of a playboy until he finds “the one” and gives that up, blah blah, in this case that person being elora.

however, he does also feel a bit flamboyant in a way not necessarily typical from the rough, macho playboy image. maybe it’s the hair, maybe it’s the slightly translucent shirts with the neckline that shows off half his chest. who knows.

kit, on the other hand, is immediately introduced with a fairly typical “princess rejects the role she was born into and wants to be an adventurer” character, shown through the swordfighting, the anger at the arranged marriage, the not wanting to wear a dress. also from what i remember, it feels like kit has more...expectation placed on her than airk does? again, correct me if i’m wrong, but it very much felt like airk, while met with some disproval from sorsha, was kind of allowed free reign where kit wasn’t, and that difference felt like it was more than the general “princes could kind of fuck around, princesses couldn’t” - especially with the way sorsha treats them both, it feels like kit is expected to have far more duties than airk is.

anyways. the point is, airk doesn’t really fit into the stereotypes of a prince. he’s very close, and does fulfill some of them, but others miss the mark completely...and he’s fine with that. he is comfortable and confident in his body and his personality.

in a way that kit very much isn’t.

this brings us back to my tags on the post i linked above. where airk feels secure in himself and the ways he may or may not defy expectations, kit doesn’t, or at least, not in the same way. she actively defies the expectations placed on her, and she knows that she’s going to catch more heat for it that airk does. maybe it’s me projecting, but through the entire series it still feels like she is struggling against those same expectations - maybe not the ones related to duty anymore, but certainly the ones that relate to the way she projects herself to the world. i think it’s very possible that because being a princess (a girl) tied in so closely to the things that she felt confined her in her life, her rejection of those things also led to somewhat of a rejection of the “girl” part - and now that she is no longer operating under the same constraints, that those specific feelings haven’t necessarily gone away.

again, maybe it’s the clothes. i know a lot of lesbians that are far more confident in jeans and a t-shirt than a tailored dress....but i also know that i am one of those lesbians, and a lot of those lesbians including myself have very complicated relationships with gender.

kit feels better in her training outfit than she does in a gown, and kit feels better out in the woods than in her home (i’ll concede that this is a tough one because of the, you know, horrors, but i do think part of kit’s journey was actually getting rid of the shit she internalized from home in spite of her best efforts). 

and actually, this DOES connect back to the werewolf thing, look at me! werewolves have long been used as an allegory for...most types of “otherness” that you can think of, including gender, sexuality, religion, etc. i think there’s something a little bit wild in kit that she tried to satisfy in tir asleen with training with jade and riding horses and everything, but it didn’t work, because what she needed was out. i think this same thing MIGHT exist in jade, but if it does it’s a) been kinda dampened by the whole. rigid structure of training for knighthood and b) tied up with the bone reaver thing, and i don’t think this thing exists in airk at all.

ask me how i feel abt airk being taken instead of kit next lol

someone ask me about my thoughts on kit’s gender i’m gonna go crazy

[thebibliosphere]

Sooo, I have an idea for my own vampire story (it’s cool, with secret society’s and murder and lesbians). How do you go about making it a reality?

Start writing it. You can either plot it out in detail or do a vague outline and see where it takes you from there.

You’ll probs go through a couple of drafts of the idea before you get to the final rough draft. After that I’d highly recommend hiring an editor(s). (Mine are @roselarkpublishing) This advice stands true whether you decide to self-pub or trad-pub.

A good book to read if you decide to go self-pub is Let's Get Digital by David Gaughran. His book helps demystify a lot of the process, especially how to use keywords for optimizing the Amazon algorithm. (This is assuming you are using Amazon KDP which I would recommend for self-pub because it’s the biggest source of reliable income. If it makes anyone feel better, kdp contributes very little money to Amazon’s overall profit.)

If you don’t know what kind of editing you need, check to see if they offer a manuscript assessment. This can help them pinpoint which service you’d benefit from most, as well as which areas you can strengthen on your own as a writer. They might also offer formatting services, which I’d highly recommend you take them up on if you decide to self publish.

Formatting varies from ebook to paperback and isn’t impossible to do on your own (I know some people hate it) but is really easy to fuck up. I can’t tell you how many promising books I’ve returned because their internal formatting was bad enough to be an accessibility issue.

If you are going the traditional route, shopping around for an agent to rep you is your next priority. Most trad-publishers won’t read unsolicited submissions and won’t even acknowledge your submission. Remember, any agent that wants money up front is probably a scammer. Agents take their fees as commission out of the final deal reached with the publisher. The publisher will also handle any additional editing, formatting, and cover art, but you will be expected to do most of your own marketing. They’ll do some marketing for you if you’re lucky, but most trad authors are expected to maintain an active social media presence to boost their work.

If you are going self-pub, cover art should be your next step although you could also be tackling this while things are being edited.

Formatting covers for ebooks is easier than physical books as Amazon and Ingram Spark seem to decide their physical dimensions by planetary alignment and both are different despite Amazon occasionally using Ingram as an overflow printer. *jazz hands*

Using a service like draft2digital will save you a lot of extra admin spoons and will allow for easier global distribution for your ebooks (paperback is currently in beta iirc).

If you decide to do paperbacks you can use the free Amazon isbn if you want, but I prefer to buy my own ISBNs which you can buy in bulk from Bowker. You will need a separate ISBN for Amazon and Ingram iirc but at the time of writing this it’s 7am so don’t quote me on that.

Once you’ve got everything uploaded and approved (pro-tip: try not to submit queer focused manuscripts for approval on Amazon over the weekends. There’s a known issue with one of the weekend approvers being a homophobe who finds arbitrary reasons to knock back manuscripts, especially queer romance which they automatically rate as more explicit than het-romances 😬) you need to decide if you’re going to set it up for pre-order or immediate launch. Pre-order allows you to drum up some advance self-promo which can be good. But it’s really up to you.

Self-promo is a huge factor in publishing whether you’re trad or self-pub so it can also be a good idea to make uniform social media handles with your author name. An author website is also a very, very good idea to give people a main space to find your work.

Audio books is a whole other thing I don’t know much about but am currently in the process of learning about. If this is something you want to do, don’t give audible exclusive rights. At present it binds you into a 7 year contract that makes the author very little money and a bunch of people use their return policy as a library service by refunding the book the moment they’re done. This doesn’t come out of Amazon’s pocket as some people seem to think but directly from the author and is extremely crummy. Wide distribution is the way to go. There’s a service similar to draft2digita for audiobooks but I can’t currently remember the name of it. called Findaway Voices, which is supposed to be good for self pub and mass distribution.

I have likely missed a couple of steps, and certainly didn’t go as in depth as the above the book I listed above. But this is the general gist of how you turn an idea into a book. Hope it helps and best of luck!

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

What would you personally recommend to someone who wanted to get into classic books/movies?

Hello, Anon!

Honestly, it really depends on your personal taste — whether you prefer romance, drama, comedy, or just watching/reading something beautiful, etc.! So, whatever you like most, try to seek that in the films and books, and that will get you into it!

The list is long, so, this is your warning!

Some films I'd recommend (English language):

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) - This was the film that reeeeeaaaaally got me into classic film, and I've never looked back since! A personal favourite of mine, but be warned it is quite dark, so, if that's not your cup of tea, brace yourself if you still intend to watch it. Not as dark as the original play due to the censors, of course.

Waterloo Bridge (1940) - If you like tragic romance and pretty visual aesthetics and ballet, this is the film for you! I've actually been only able to watch it fully once because it is so moving.

Casablanca (1942) - If you're not so fond of tragic endings, but love forbidden romances when everything seems to be falling apart and N*zis being critiqued during the occupation, then this is perhaps better fitting for you!

Queen Christina (1933) - Greta Garbo kisses Elizabeth Young on the mouth. Fucking iconic. Literally. Queer classic film enthusiasts go ape-shit for this film, as we should. The main relationship focused on is heterosexual and maintains a streak of the tragic, but it is certainly a must to watch for anyone curious about getting into classic film! Random nugget of information: censorship in the Irish Free State was so ridiculous that much of this film was cut, leaving only fragments of scenes to be threaded together haphazardly, meaning most Irish cinema-goers left very confused after viewing it. The full film was not seen there until after 1967, when film certification was re-standardised.

Ninotchka (1939) - This is a sweet comedy, mainly set in Paris, and it also has Greta Garbo starring in it. One of my comfort films that is actually not ridiculously dark bahaha. Why are you still reading this list? Go watch it!

If you desire a classic in colour and wish to be extremely brave, the Gone with the Wind (1939) is something I'd recommend. However, there's a lot of problematic shit going on in that, and the film in that regard reeeeaally hasn't aged well. Just keep in mind it's a period drama which was a product of its time, which leaves a lot to be desired in a modern moral and ethical perspective. Not sure if I'd recommend it as an introductory film, but fortune favours the bold and whatnot, so I thought to mention it. It is an absolute epic feat from a technical point of view.

If you're willing to watch non-Anglophone classic films (I can make a separate list if you so wish), I'll put a couple here:

La Belle et la bête (1946) - French. This is one of the most visually striking films I've seen in black and white. Simply breathtaking! It truly is like watching a fairytale you would have imagined in a dream (and it should, given it's Beauty and the Beast). An absolute must.

Nosferatu (1922) - German, but English intertitles available. Silent film. The OG vampire movie in German cinema!

[I've way more, but, I'm tryna move onto the books section now lol. Lmk if you'd like a longer list and I'll write one up for you <3]

Books:

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (one of my all time favourite novels!! Absolutely fantastic — gorgeous use of aesthetic language, great, lingering pacing to add to the ominous atmosphere of the novel, just all-round a must-read!)

Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu - Lesbian vampires. Short 'n snappy but always fascinating! Complexities and ambiguities about what happen in the end are even more fascinating if you get the version which has the prologue (some people skip prologues but defo read this book's one, it's important. Read it again when you've finished the book and you'll see what I mean.).

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald - I've heard it can be a boring read if you don't read it critically (I had to study it in school lol so I have never known any other way of reading it), so just take note of Nick's social critique and you should be g.

The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde - Witty and fun! Obviuosly, better to watch it onstage, but if you feel like reading it, go for it!

King Lear by William Shakespeare - Drama. Tragedy. Action packed, but if you're anything like me, you'll adore it. Edmund is also an ass but v fuckable. As is Goneril and I won't take it back.

Animal Farm by George Orwell - Short but whew it sure does pack a punch.

The Lady of the Camellias by Alexandre Dumas, fils. - You can read either the original novel or the stage adaptation, if you so wish! I'm currently reading the novel in French. Haven't finished it, but if you love tragic plots, you'll appreciate the premise. La Traviata is the opera adaptation.

I'll end this here, but I hope you find some things which tickle your fancy on these lists! Just hmu if you ever want more recs! Wishing you much luck in venturing into these new waters, darling! <3

Happy viewing/reading! ^.^

[schneesisterss]

I have Cassandra Dimitrescu brain rot and it literally Won’t Leave Me Alone so here are some headcannons:

she’s mean as FUCK bc she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions in a healthy way

very mean to her sisters too but like... (affectionate)

also she’s the only one that can bully them, if anyone other than herself even LOOKS at them funny, that person will definitely go missing

“nobody bullies my siblings, except for me”

has Protective Older Sister vibes even though she’s not the oldest and is extremely protective of her family

particularly when it comes to Daniela. Cassandra has like a sixth sense where she can tell whenever her younger sister is in danger and goes RUNNIN to check on her.

Cassandra, weapon drawn: “DANI WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OK??”

Daniela, swinging from the ceiling by her foot: “Oh, hello sister. It seems I have stepped on my own trap.”

Cass, exhausted, pinching the bridge of her nose: “Daniela. What the fuck.”

Cassandra gets her down and smacks her on the back of the head (but not before subtly checking her for injuries)

she has a very hard time opening up to people bc she feels weak when she does and she HATES feeling weak

the only person she has ever cried in front of is their mother

and speaking of Alcina, Cassandra definitely gets her protectiveness from her mother. those two turn into a pair of rage monsters whenever someone they care about gets hurt.

one time Bela got severely injured by a lycan and Cassandra was like: “Those stupid mutts, i’ll kill them all, I swear!” and moves to leave but her mother stops her, “Hold on daughter, it’s quite rude of you not to extend the invitation.” and they both leave, eyes completely black with rage and murder. Daniela stays with Bela but waves them off happily in the background. “See you soon! Bring me back a lycan heart!”

does not know how to deal with her anger and sometimes has to punch the brick walls in the basement just to release some of the energy

her knuckles are almost always cut up and bruised bc of this

Alcina has walked in on more than one of her outbursts. She takes her daughters arms so she stops punching the walls, and pulls her into her chest. Cassandras breathing is erratic and she’s shaking violently with rage.

“Shhh my love, breathe.” Cassandra exhales in a way that Alcina can’t tell if she’s crying or seething. “What’s happened?”

Cassandras breathing speeds up through gritted teeth and she pulls against her mother, as if trying to get back to the wall. “I d-didn’t know what else to do.” her voice is hard like she was stating a fact.

Alcina strokes her pinky finger down her daughters nose, a trick that’s always worked for keeping her angriest at child at bay, and holds her there until she’s calmed down.

Afterwards, they don’t talk about it. Alcina knows Cassandra is already too embarrassed so she only wraps up her knuckles and says, “I think I heard Daniela call out for you a little bit ago, she had that tone of voice she gets whenever she’s in over her head.”

Cassandra just scoffs, “She’s just an idiot.” but moves immediately so go check on her younger sibling. She stops just before she’s out the door, “Mother I....” Alcina sees the hidden gratitude in her daughters eyes. “I know, dear. Go.” And her middle child nods and bursts into a cloud of bugs.

so.... there’s that.

I may be projecting but who knows.

ANYWAY

can throw a Wicked punch

very competitive and a sore loser

her competitiveness comes out the most when Bela is involved

Cassandra thinks Bela is their mothers favorite and that creates a lot of tension between the two of them bc Cassandra low key looks up to Bela (but will never tell her that) and wants to please mother just like she does. She feels the anger under her skin whenever their mother praises Bela instead of her

(Cassandra craves praise just as much as Bela but will NEVER show how the lack of it effects her)

Mean Lesbian™️

so, so touch starved

when anyone outside of her mother or sisters touch her softly she snaps bc a) she’s not used to it and b) she get filled with complicated and confusing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with

quickest to yell at a maiden whenever they mess up

when she’s in a good mood she can actually be very playful and teasing (“rawr! >:D”)

hums to herself when she’s bored and sometimes (rarely) sings when Bela is playing the piano

the best at makeup out of the three daughters

Daniela always begs her to do her make up for her and Cassandra just pretends to be annoyed and does it anyway (she secretly loves it)

Bela also tentatively asked one time and Cassandra was shocked because Bela never asks for favors

they sit in silence while she applies Belas makeup but eventually asks “Why ask me to do this now? There had been plenty of other opportunities before.” her voice comes out more defensive than she wanted it too, but she leaves it be.

Bela studies her with calculating and knowing eyes before looking away and opening her mouth “You love doing this. I can tell.” Cass stops moving her hand. “I see the proud look on your face when Dani runs to show Mother your work. I just...” Bela shrugs, “want to be a part of that too. For you.” She glances back to her dark haired sister and shifts in her seat.

Cassandra didn’t know how to react, let alone respond. The lump in her throat was wide and pushed against her windpipe. Her and Bela had never really gotten along, but hearing this from her older sister felt like a small weight was lifted from her shoulders. It felt like acceptance. She cleared her throat and gently grabbed her sisters chin to pull it back into place. “Well maybe if you stopped squirming, i’d be able to get it done faster.”

Bela shoots her a very small, understanding smile, it was more of a smirk really, but it got the point across. I love you. No matter what. and Cassandra felt like she could finally breathe.

(I love sibling dynamics leave me alone)

claims she’s a top, is actually a switch

impatient as hell

Smooth Talker

her ability to talk her and her sisters out of sketchy situations has saved their asses more than once

“Hey Cassandra, would you punch Uncle Heisenberg in the face for $100?”

“I’d roundhouse kick him in the face for free.”

cue Alcina spitting up her wine.

probably swears the most too lol

*stubs toe* “Son of a mother fucking bitch that shit HURT.” Alcina: *raises eyebrow* “Well I certainly didn’t teach her that vile language.... Heisenberg.” Heisenberg: ......

knows how to wield a butterfly knife like a complete badass

Alcina: “CASSSANDRRAAA”

Cassandra: *instant fear*

uhhhh that’s it. did I go overboard? probaby. do I care? absolutely not and i’ll most likely be doing this again very soon lmaooo.

also p.s. send me more headcannon requests for Cassandra and i’ll answer them!