#because it quickly becomes clear from context

[thesewordsareallihavetogive]

Off-Duty - Dr. Jack Abbot x wife!reader

Summary: 1k words. Jack comes into the Pitt on his day off with no intention of working. One of his little guests has an affinity for raising his father’s blood pressure and adding to his gray hair. Part 2, Hung The Stars here!

Warnings: unnecessarily long sentences, so sweet it’ll rot your teeth fluff. Poking fun at the U.S. military industrial complex (specifically the Marines). Whitaker catching strays.

a/n: Allow me to contribute to the Girl Dad Abbot Agenda. I gave him fraternal twins here, but his new baby is also a girl. So. The Abbot household will be 3-2 girls-boys because feminism. Divider credit!

If looks could kill, Whitaker would be a dead man.

The med student was approaching the provider dictation desk, about to sit down in a padded rolling chair for the first time all shift when Doctor Abbot firmly gripped the back of the chair seconds before Whitaker could reach for it.

“Oh, uh, sir- I was just gonna sit down and do some charting,” the med student explained in a rush with his perpetual terrified ghost of a Victorian child look.

“You can stand.” Dr. Abbot deadpanned, snatching the chair and whisking it towards the peds ED room.

“Wha-” Whitaker stood, mouth slightly parted. The kid was intelligent and had come into his own throughout his emergency medicine rotation, but some things and some people still never ceased to shock him. He watched through the glass door as Dr. Abbot got far closer to a woman, whom he assumed was the peds patient’s mother, than was professionally necessary.

The woman came into full view, displaying the swell of her belly. The student raised his eyebrows. It was a bold move, even for Dr. Abbot. He estimated the woman to be at the end of her second trimester, if not well into her third.

A toddler bounced from behind the woman and quickly attached herself to Abbot’s leg (the flesh one, anyway). The attending smiled—perhaps for the first time in recorded human history, thought Whitaker—before picking up the child and propping her up on his hip, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

The mother turned to Abbot and smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips while he massaged her lower back with his free hands. His wedding band stuck out against the woman’s lighter shirt. Ah. The wife. A moan that definitely wasn’t appropriate for the workplace escaped the woman, seemingly unknowingly, leaving Abbot with a subtle smirk on his face.

Jack guided his wife into the comfortable chair he’d commandeered. Whitaker envied the relief on her face. The lumbar support cushion and ergonomic design could’ve made him cry. His body was aching for relief after hours on his feet, but he conceded that the woman needed it more than he did.

With a barely audible whimper, the med student went back to his original task. He’s startled when a foldable plastic chair, the ones that are typically kept in patient rooms for guests, unceremoniously clatters down next to him, brought over by none other than the stoic night shift attending.

“My wife said she’s sorry for stealing your seat. I’m not.” Dr. Abbot provided no further context before heading straight back to the room he came from. Some of the surrounding ED staff caught wind of the interaction and glanced up at the status board.

PEDS RM 1. 3 YRS 5 MOS MALE J. ABBOT. FOREIGN BODY INGESTION

Understanding hums sounded out before everyone went back to work.

It was rare to see Jack in anything other than black scrubs at the hospital. Today, he was in full Dad mode. The pink glitter nail polish on his fingers matched his daughter’s. His white New Balance sneakers and cargo shorts allowed a clear view of his prosthetic, which his son had decorated with dinosaur stickers. If you looked close enough, you could see a small apple sauce stain on his shirt.

You relaxed further into the chair and closed your eyes once Jack came back to witness your daughter Ellie toddling around the exam room. At 30 weeks pregnant, rest and comfort were becoming increasingly difficult to come by, especially when raising 3-year-old twins.

Dr. Collins caught Jack sitting at the end of the gurney with his son when she waltzed in, tailed by Matteo.

“What brings you all in today? It’s a pleasure to see the Abbot family. Some members more than others…” Heather teased, making a show out of whispering to Jack’s wife and tickling Ellie.

“Jacob here ate some crayons. Maybe some other stuff too. I want imaging of the GI tract to rule out any other foreign bodies or obstructions,” Jack rattled off, never taking his eyes off his son. The doctor’s leathered, weathered hand dwarfed his son’s small leg. Jack had a tough time letting go of his kids, especially when they were hurt or sick.

“Maybe he’s got a future career in the Marines,” Matteo joked.

“Watch it.” Jack warned with an even glare. The intense look on his face didn’t last long; his wife’s giggle brought a small smile to his face as he glanced toward her. 

You winced when the baby delivered a particularly strong jab to your ribs. Jack’s smile quickly turned to concern before you shook your head to reassure him and ran a hand over your bump. Collins and Matteo didn’t miss the silent communication between the couple.

It made sense for the two of you. You were so in sync—always had been. The Pitt staff rarely got to see Jack’s wife, which you supposed was a good thing. Jack tried to keep his personal and professional life separate, but he’d become known for loving you and your little family so much. He would take your calls in the middle of a shift, routinely add more photos of his family to his locker, and occasionally show up to work with glittery nail polish if he forgot to remove it before clocking in.

Doctor Collins high-fived little Jacob, who was the spitting image of his father, after he tolerated the physical exam.

“No guarding or tenderness. Bowel sounds are hypoactive but present. Has he been NPO otherwise?” The physician glanced between the parents.

“We had breakfast around 8,” you supplied, exhaling when you got another sharp kick straight to the bladder.

“Alright. I’ll put in the imaging orders. Radiology will come and grab you guys soon,” Dr. Collins waved goodbye to the toddlers. 

Matteo kept a stash of stickers in his scrub pocket for the kiddos that came into the Pitt. Jacob gladly accepted one and promptly stuck it on Jack’s prosthetic. Matteo blinked a couple of times, watching the exchange. 

Jack was unfazed. His children seldom went a day without leaving their mark on him. If painted nails and a decorated prosthetic leg made them happy and preserved their innocence, he was happy to be a canvas.

The racecar was a fun addition to the dinosaurs anyway.

a/n: Please let me know what you think! Reblogs & comments keep me motivated <3

Companion piece: Hung The Stars

master list | post notifications @thesewordsxupdates

[bueckersbitch]

i'm still waitin' at the green light. to tell you what i feel like, but i can't go.

greenlight - paige bueckers x reader

☆ warnings : angst, sexual context, toxic!paige

☆ word count : 1.7k

☆ authors note : hi guys! a quick fic bc i loveeee tates new album, the last bit is inspired by her explaination of green light! part two out now!

☆ taglist : @sierrale8ne @thaatdigitaldiary @pboogerswbb @lupinqs @rosemariiaa @xxloveralways14 @lovegalor333 @mrsarnold @janaelalfysblunt @bueckersfive @vamptizm

The door knob slowly pushes down, almost mocking the way your heart dropped when receiving the text, “I’ve been thinking, we need to talk.” The message wasn’t unexpected; in fact, you had been counting on receiving it after the last couple of weeks between you and Paige. Part of you still wanted it to be your overthinking getting the best of you again, a figment of your imagination trying to self-sabotage you, yet, it was something deeper: the way Paige’s demeanor changed in what felt like an instant, her loving, comforting words turning quickly into scowls of defense when you confronted her about her passive attitude towards your feelings. The doorknob seems to lag, separating the relationship between you two into two: before the conversation that was about to change your relationship, and after.

Her face is revealed after a moment; her normally perfect, slick-back bun is disheveled a bit; however, her face was numb, lacking any emotion. Her sock-clad feet slowly shuffled back when opening the door, silently urging you to step into her apartment, the one you had helped decorate when she had moved to Dallas. Your eyes flicker up to meet her cold, blue ones; her lips become tightly bound, letting out a sigh. You pick at your hangnails that had accumulated unwillingly after your thoughts about everything concerning you two swarmed your mind over the past couple of nights. You step inside, noticing the lack of the feeling of home: candles remaining unlit, tv that usually had a game on left dark, and the vase that rests on the center of her kitchen island, but instead of having purple irises gifted by you—Paige’s favorite flowers—it was clear, water even being drained since the last time you had given them to the blonde, when you were both happy. 

Paige doesn’t say a word, picking up the tv remote and turning on a game. Crashing to the couch, her fixed stare on the tv felt like a punch to the gut. Paige was good at communicating, something you admired even in the early stages of your relationship. The lump in your throat started to grow. Had she changed so much to the point she felt like she couldn’t tell you what she was feeling? “Are you serious?” You questioned, voice shaking a bit. Paige hummed in response, eyes still glued to the tv, making you feel like an afterthought, unimportant. “I didn’t drive half an hour for you to not tell me what you want.” You said, leaning on the kitchen island, tears starting to well now. “I thought it was obvious. We aren’t working, baby.” A tear fell from your eye now, taking your makeup with it to your neck. You knew that, you knew something wasn’t working, but what shocked you was Paige’s lack of effort to try and fix what was wrong. “Tell me what’s not working then, because I feel like recently whenever I try to get to you, what you’re thinking, you feel like I’m a nuisance.” It was different. You leading the conversation about talking about feelings, emotions were something you encouraged yourself to suppress. “I don’t wanna tell you though.” Paige says, resting her elbows on her knees as she turns her head with minimal effort to look at you. Confusion jolts through you, apparently evident on your face through your eyebrows and slight stutter of the start of a sentence beginning with “W-w-wha-” Paige rolls her eyes, cutting you off with, “Don’t you get it? I’m tired. I don’t wanna tell you because I don’t think I wanna fix us.” Your heart really drops, feeling heavy with the weight of her words shutting you down. “Do you hear yourself? Did the past four years mean nothing to you?” Paige scoffs, nodding her head as it dips between her shoulders, “You know it did. I just feel like I’ve grown. I’m not the injured girl you met in sophomore year anymore.” The mention of how you met tugging at your heart strings.

-

Four years ago

The lecture to your psychology class had finally ended, meaning it was time for a nice Friday out  with your girls. You gathered your stuff, placing your iPad in your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. Pulling your phone out, you start scrolling through the notifications of ideas for what you guys should do tonight. You walk through the tiled hall, a little too quickly it seems, because you brush past someone, hearing them grunt in annoyance. You whip your head around, to a tall blonde. You had heard about her injury, watched it happen even, how she was projected to be out for six to eight weeks. Her words sliced through your thoughts, “I miss when I could walk mindlessly.” Your eyes widened, baffled at your ignorance to your surroundings. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry-” Paige laughs. “I’m just teasing you. What’s got you rushing to get back though?” You let out an exhale of relief, smiling while telling the girl your plans for the night. Conversation ending with you carrying her stuff for her while walking her back to her apartment. Impulsive thoughts overcoming you, word vomit producing a, “You should totally come!”

-

Present

“Trust me, I know,” you manage to say through a facade. Paige’s brows furrow now. “What’s that ‘supposed to mean?” You exhale, similarly to how you had all those years ago, but this time, it was to brace yourself for what you were about to say. “I mean the Paige I knew back then, fuck, even a month ago, wouldn’t push aside my feelings like it’s something that’s optional in her life!” She leans back again, seemingly unphased by your confession. “I’m not about to pour my heart into something you don’t deserve.” Your mind was clouded now, something you didn’t deserve? If there was the bare minimum of what you deserved, it was an explanation, a reason why your soulmate had turned into someone that looked at you like a burden. “I’m just standing here trying to understand what you want from me, because I’ve tried, Paige, I really have, but it’s obvious that you think I don’t deserve a basic explanation as to why you’ve just shut me out.” You try to reason with her, not ready to accept the truth of what could happen. “I don’t want anything anymore. I don’t know why I gotta spell that shit out for you.” There it was, the admission that had you in a grasp of anxiousness. “So what?” Still finding it hard to accept that your loving, communicative Paige was acting this way, “So, it’s done.” 

Her words rang through your head like a stupid song you couldn’t get out of your head. Your keys gripped so hard in your hand they started to leave indents. Your hood was pulled up over your head, trying to avoid the receptionist that would greet you after the long journey of the elevator, plummeting like your heart had. You push through the revolving door, out into the soft water of the rain, almost like the universe was sad for you. Flinging yourself into your car, you start to drive back to your apartment in silence. You roll to a stop at a red light, finally letting yourself break down in the comfort of your own car.

-

Three months later

The delicate notification rang through your ears again, light turning green as you pushed on the gas. It had chimed a couple of times now, a specific notification sound you had only reserved for a certain blonde. You forgot you even did that, changing the setting when you were so young and lovestruck. Sure, the sound surprised you a week ago when you heard it for the first time in three months, but now? It was almost background noise to your daily tasks. She tried to work her way back, endless texts and voicemails that had her saying “I fucked up” and “Please talk to me, ma” and other things of the sorts. You would’ve gone running straight into her arms had it not been for what you found out. Another girl. One she felt so taken aback by that she felt the need to shut you out, to break up with you. You wanted to make sure she lived with the consequence of losing you. So now, you were on your way out to a restaurant, your therapist encouraging you to get back out into the dating scene again. Skylar, was her name. 

You sat across from the brunette girl, smiling with her as you both talked about your families. It felt nice, feeling like your presence was wanted. A voice rang through your ears, one that was too familiar, one that you had heard every day straight for four years. There she was, talking and laughing with her Wings teammates as she looked over the menu.

You broke. Something about having such a deep history with her coaxing you back to her, pressed up against the very door you had slammed shut in anger a few months ago. Her hands gripping your waist as she confessed how her admiration for you had never left, “Missed you so bad, you’re the only one for me.” Hands trailing past your waistband, finding the pool of arousal that awaited her.

She sweetly talked you back into her bed, but even after pulling three orgasms from you, you couldn’t shake the feeling of what you had found out she had been hiding from you. So, you found your clothes, taking in the way her wavy blonde hair framed her sleeping face, before slipping away in the middle of the night, attempting to avoid the start of a toxic back and forth.

-

One week later

The post sat unliked in your feed, taking a second to take it in. Paige’s new girlfriend. The girl she left you for, the one she was still seeing a week ago when she was fucking you. 

You were shielding your phone from Skylar. Of course, you tried to move on, but a part of you still believed you would get her back, your Paige back. It was wrong, and everyone around you told you to move on. Paige sure had. “Babe?” You quickly locked your phone, looking at your date in the passenger seat of your car. “You were so invested in your phone that you fully sat through that entire green light.” She laughed. You forced a fake laugh, suppressing the solemn feeling that the universe was mocking you through the situation. You sitting still at a green light, while the light is telling you it’s okay to go, is like everybody around you saying it’s okay to move on from Paige, but it still feels impossible.

[joetastic2739]

Statement Regarding False Claims Made Against Joetastic by Dylan/ @anyamusumesonlywife

Author: Concerned members of the Mouthwashing community, friends of Joe, and Joe himself

Introduction

This post is a joint statement written in defense of Joetastic (hereafter referred to as Joe), a creator in the Mouthwashing community, who has recently been the target of misinformation, mischaracterization, and public defamation. The accusations originate from a former collaborator, anyamusumesonlywife (hereafter referred to as Dylan), and have been circulated via a written document on Google Docs, two TikTok videos, one Tumblr post, and several word-of-mouth messages in community servers on discord.

While Joe has remained silent publicly until now, the scale and intensity of the false claims, combined with the reputational damage they have caused, make it necessary to issue a detailed and factual response. This statement reflects not only Joe's perspective, but also that of peers, colleagues, and neutral parties who have reviewed the evidence and feel compelled to clarify what truly occurred.

This document is not intended to cause harm, incite harassment, or encourage retaliation against Dylan in any form. Its sole purpose is to clarify the facts, present context, and refute the false claims that have been made about Joe. While emotions are understandably high, we ask that readers approach this with maturity and respect. This is about defending someone’s character, not attacking another’s. Any form of harassment directed toward Dylan or anyone involved is strongly discouraged and not condoned by Joe or anyone contributing to this statement.

Context & Timeline

December 26, 2024: 

Joe contacts Dylan on Discord asking permission to use their OC in a fan animation. Dylan responds enthusiastically, stating: “YOU CAN 100000% USE MY OC IN ANYTHING!! ID BE SO HONORED.”

Over the following weeks, Dylan provides detailed reference material, lore, and expresses gratitude. They never object to any creative decisions made during this period.

Joe maintains professional, transparent communication throughout. Even clarifying their pronouns so as to not misgender their OC accidentally. There is no indication of discomfort or distress from Dylan.

January 11, 2025:

Joe starts becoming increasingly uncomfortable using someone else’s OC for public-facing content. This is influenced by private feedback and the growing popularity of his work. Joe begins planning an original character, Eira, as a way to tell WLW stories while keeping personal and professional lines clearer. 

January 12, 2025: 

Dylan noticeably starts to change attitude and starts pressuring Joe

"Yeah if I paid for something I'd want it to be posted D: I don't mean to argue at all /gen I was just super looking forward to finally being seen with my Oc and thought that maybe you posting about them would get selfshipping a bit of a better representation" 

Joe talks about making the OC video for free to make it up to Dylan and labeling it as a commission in order to protect both of them over harassment regarding favoritism which Dylan agreed with and voiced no complaints.

Keep in mind that at this point, despite Joe quoting Dylan $40 for a casual model of Dylan’s OC, the transaction has not been made yet and Dylan has not paid for anything.

Dylan later tells Joe that they are in a hospital before proceeding to mention Joe abandoning Dylan’s OC again

Joe pays the $40 out of his own pocket for Dylan’s Casual OC model on Dylan’s behalf first and offers Dylan to pay him any amount for it as he feels bad and wants to make it up to them.

Dylan mentions how the model has a bigger chest which was a misunderstanding by the modeler that was cleared up quickly.

January 15, 2025: 

Dylan tells Joe that people are sending cruel messages to them because he was going to use their OC

Joe suggests to Dylan to turn off anonymous inboxes in order to stop the harassment. Dylan states that they chose not to turn it off on their other RP account and continues showing Joe the harassment Dylan has received.

Joe once again sympathizes with Dylan and makes a post telling people not to harass them on his Tumblr profile.

February 27, 2025: 

Joe debuts Eira publicly. The character receives instant fan praise, with followers eager to see more interactions between her and Anya.

March 2, 2025: 

Dylan voices being upset that their OC did not get the chance to be used by Joe.

Joe points out it’s for the best incase they mischaracterize Dylan and end up hurting Dylan’s feelings.

Joe tries to reassure Dylan again.

March 4, 2025: 

March 8, 2025: 

Dylan starts blaming Joe for harassment and taking the spotlight from sapphic people like them. Joe states that those harassing Dylan do not represent him and that he does not condone them harassing anybody. Joe once again reassures Dylan it isn’t his intent to steal attention away from anybody’s OC.

At this point, Joe began to feel that Dylan was manipulating him. Blaming him for things beyond his control and growing increasingly hostile. Though he agreed to make another Tumblr post at Dylan’s request, he hesitated, wanting first to confirm whether his suspicions about Dylan’s intentions and feelings toward him were valid.

Joe once again made it clear that it was never his intention to make anyone uncomfortable. He expressed this repeatedly, hoping to de-escalate the situation and reassure Dylan of his good faith. However, the constant accusations, shifting expectations, and increasingly tense tone from Dylan left Joe feeling emotionally drained and deeply uncomfortable continuing the conversation. Despite his efforts to resolve things respectfully, it became clear that nothing he said was enough to satisfy Dylan. After enduring repeated blame and pressure, Joe ultimately decided, for his own well-being, to stop engaging with Dylan after March 9th.

March 12, 2025: 

Despite their agreement to part ways after the free video Joe made for them, Dylan begins circulating a document on a private server framing Joe as manipulative, inconsiderate, and abusive. 

The document was then intentionally sent to the developers of Mouthwashing.

March 13, 2025: 

When Joe learned that Dylan had created a document filled with false claims and had shared it with the moderators of the Mouthwashing server, knowing it would reach the developers, he felt that a clear line had been crossed. This wasn’t just a personal dispute anymore. Iit was an attempt to damage his professional relationships and potentially jeopardize his future opportunities within a community he had contributed to. It was deeply hurtful to see someone he had once collaborated with try to turn trusted colleagues against him. 

In light of this, Joe made the decision to formally request that Dylan no longer use the free work he had created for them. He asked that all related posts be removed from Dylan’s social media, as continuing to showcase the work felt exploitative and disingenuous given the circumstances.

March 15, 2025: 

Although Dylan initially respected Joe’s request and removed the content he had worked on, they soon chose to go public with their version of events. Dylan published a Tumblr post detailing their side of the situation, painting Joe in a negative light and reigniting the narrative despite previously agreeing to take a step back. When Joe became aware of the post, he was disappointed but chose to remain silent. At the time, the post wasn’t gaining much traction, and Joe hoped that by not engaging further, the situation would deescalate. His priority was to move on quietly and avoid fueling more drama, even if it meant allowing false or misleading narratives to go unchallenged, for a while.

March 21, 2025:

Joe publicly releases a new animation featuring his characters Eira and Anya. The video shared a few thematic similarities with the earlier animation he had created for Dylan, but it was completely re-animated from the ground up.

Shortly after its release, Dylan sent Joe a direct message accusing him of stealing their animation idea. This was despite the fact that Dylan had never contributed to the production of the video in question. Not in writing, animation, direction, or execution. Furthermore, the themes Dylan claimed ownership over were not unique: they were common story beats that had appeared in Joe’s videos months before he and Dylan had ever interacted.

What made the accusation more troubling was the emotional pressure that followed. Dylan told Joe that because of this video, they had been unable to sleep, were throwing up, and feeling physically ill. The blame was placed entirely on Joe for Dylan’s emotional distress, adding yet another layer of guilt and responsibility to a situation already fraught with manipulation and false claims.

While Joe acknowledges that there are surface-level similarities between the new video featuring his OC and the animation he previously made for Dylan, it’s important to clarify that both videos were conceptualized, animated, and completed entirely by Joe himself. As the sole creator, he has every right to revisit themes, scenes, or stylistic choices from his own body of work.

March 28, 2025: 

Joe begins experiencing increased hostility, especially in the Wrong Organ server. 

Rumors originating from Dylan began circulating within the Wrong Organ Discord server. Some concerned members of the community reached out to Joe directly to inform him about what was being said.

One of these individuals, growing increasingly concerned, chose to inform Joe about what was happening. It was revealed that Dylan had also been privately messaging random members of the Wrong Organ Discord server out of the blue to talk about Joe.

According to this individual, Dylan not only reached out to people to talk about Joe, but also frequently used these conversations to vent their personal problems and frustrations. When the topic shifted away from their issues, Dylan would quickly lose interest and disengage.

March 30, 2025: 

Dylan decides to be bolder and creates 2 TikTok videos claiming Joe has been stalking and harassing them. Dylan also lies to everybody about Joe’s age and sexuality in order to make him seem more creepy, and accuses him of fetishzing lesbians. Dylan also claimed Joe purposefully shared suggestive content to minors on discord when what he did was simply share the videos he made to the Wrong Organ discord server. The Developers and Moderators have stated those videos were not suggestive and are okay to post.

Wrong Organ Discord Mod statement after Dylan started saying the Video Joe posted there was suggestive, confirming that the video would remain up and would not be removed, as it did not violate any server rules:

Confirmation from Wrong Organ themselves:

Dylan’s accusations that Joe is being creepy and fetishizing lesbians are based on out-of-context screenshots. In this example, Joe was not referring to lesbians in general, but specifically to Dylan, who is not a lesbian. The comments were a direct response to Dylan’s repeated criticisms, not a dismissal of the broader sapphic community. The framing of this exchange to suggest Joe was targeting all lesbians is intentionally misleading.

These TikToks that Dylan posted were quickly gaining traction and starting to snowball out of control. When Joe woke up to these videos, he saw that it had already gotten 20k views, 3k likes, 270 comments and 500 bookmarks with these numbers quickly increasing each minute.

In the comments of both TikTok posts, Dylan continued to spread false information and actively engaged with, and at times endorsed cruel, demeaning remarks directed at Joe.

Fearing for the safety of his reputation and watching the false rumors gain increasing traction, Joe realized that remaining silent was no longer an option. After weeks of trying to avoid conflict, it became clear that Dylan had no intention of stopping. The only way to set the record straight was to speak up. Shortly after, Joe made a public Twitter post addressing the situation:

[Tumblr only allows 30 images per post. This post will continue in a follow up]

[fairestwriting]

Hiii!!! Just found your account and I love your works ☺️

May I request headcanons of Leona & Azul with a reader who’s afraid to commit to him since they have a hard time trusting NRC students because they fear he’ll only be with them if they can benefit him/he has an ulterior motive for them?

Thank you!!

𐙚 Leona Kingscholar

It’s not something that goes unnoticed, but also not something he thinks about too much, at the start. Leona’s view of commitment is much more based on how you behave around him than your words, and he doesn’t expect to really feel it when you’re still just getting used to each other’s presence, in this new context of considering a relationship… Besides, you asked to take it slow, he’s not about to disrespect that.

Then that period of time passes, he starts to relax, and the gap between the two of you slowly becomes more visible — He’s not the most overtly affectionate guy out there, sure, but he makes it quite clear when he’s gotten comfortable around somebody. He assumes your distance is just shyness at first, but it quickly starts to bug him. He knows how to recognize the different types of unease in others, and shyness isn’t exactly the feeling he’s getting for you.

The last straw happens when as you’re spending time together and he ends up getting tired, he tells you you can stick around while he sleeps, and you quickly get up, ready to leave — The memory will feel embarrassing to him in the future, at how emotional he got over something seemingly so small, but in the moment, it just feels like you’re avoiding him.

What the hell is up with you, really, he questions when you’re on your way out. In Leona’s perception, he’s being so obvious, basically outright telling you that he wants you to be around, that he trusts you to be there while doesn’t have his guard up. And this same interaction has happened so many times already. Aren’t you two supposed to be… dating? If he could even call it that?

It’s not fair if he’s the only one who’s vulnerable, he thinks and doesn’t say, but the message gets across. ”If you’re so excited to leave, then just go.”, with that bitter look in his eyes. You try to say that’s not how you felt, while still not revealing too much, but he’s set on questioning you now. And it shows how it’d been bothering him, the way you just seemed to never breach that distance.

Eventually you get the words out. It’s not about him, you were just anxious because of previous experiences you had in NRC — Even if you just tell bits and pieces of the full story, it’s enough for him to get a grasp on the situation. His expression softens. It does all make sense to him, he doesn’t feel comfortable around most people either, as much as he hates to admit. ”I wouldn’t tell you to stick around if I wanted to take advantage of you. Would be a stupid move. He says, after a while, then nothing else. He would never pressure you in general, but especially not about this. He just hopes you do decide to stay.

𐙚 Azul Ashengrotto

All sorts of preventive measures happen in the background before you two even agree that there’s any sort of mutual attraction taking place. He’s built his business so carefully, he doesn’t want to take any chances, even if the temptation to just throw logic out of the window is there. When you two decide to date, Azul has already thought about a thousand possible futures, part of his willingness to get into this relationship comes from ruling out the worst outcomes.

The hesitant phase lasts considerably longer with him than it does with Leona. He wants you to be the first one to let your guard down — A wish he knows would make him sound horrible even if he tried to explain, with the image he has — as the last bit of confirmation to him that you’re safe, and he can stop being so overly cautious around you. But he waits, and he keeps waiting, and none of the signs he’s looking for ever come.

How long has it been, at this point? Months? Azul actually isn’t very sure of what to do from here. Was this all because of his reputation? Did he do something wrong? Or was this just your regular personality, and he actually severely miscalculated every part of his “plan”?

He doesn’t want to show how much it bothers him, at first. He tries to think of ways to get you to open up, at least a little bit, like showing interest in your background and such… But he knows there’s a limit to how much he can do until he puts you off completely, if you’re really this cautious. And at this point, he’s too attached to want to risk losing you.

Some questions still slip through though, that exact attachment he feels making it difficult for him to keep up with your level of detachment. His curiosity really is genuine too, he wants to know more about you, to understand you better. Maybe even especially due to the detachment, he can relate to that distrustfulness too much. So much it makes him actually feel closer to you, though he does recognize that might be kind of weird. He does get a stray thought that he could be just projecting, that you could actually turn out to not be safe, but he decides to trust you.

There won’t be arguments or anything on the topic, even if you don’t reciprocate as Azul, without even thinking, ends up slowly lowering his guard first, and your reactions sometimes feel a bit cold to him — The sting of it fades quickly, because he just understands. When he asks questions, or ends up inviting you on more serious dates, there’s always an added, “but only if you’re comfortable with doing so, of course”, followed with a smile you never really see him show to anybody else. His observant nature will help him put the puzzle together, eventually, already starting to suspect you’ve had bad experiences with being harmed by people you trusted in the past. Regardless of how long it takes for you to be straightforward with him about those things, he’ll always thank you for trusting him with that same smile.

if you like my work you can support me by commissioning me or tipping me on ko-fi ── ᵎᵎ ✦

[ghostbsuter]

"What exactly are halfas?" Constantine asks, cigarette lit and leaning against the table.

They were in the justice league, having attended a meeting previously and now just lazed around.

Batman loses focus on his laptop screen and openly looks at the two, interested.

Green Lantern, Hal, jerks up at the question, looking between everyone still in the room and trying (and failing) to seem uninterested.

Zatara is glaring daggers at Constantine's back, eyes narrowed.

While flash had no context, having just arrived back with his food to sit with the rest, he appropriately tenses as well, from just one glance around the room.

Superman and Wonder woman aren't different from batman, not as discreet as some are trying to be and just staring at the two.

Slightly amused, Danny decided to entertain the question.

"Unlike ghosts and the undead, halfas are created and not born." He explains, looking at the man when he writes it down.

Who knew the infinity realm were this closed off that John Constantine had to get information from the source itself just to keep updated?

"Care to elaborate?"

Clicking his tongue, he does so.

"Halfas get created during extreme circumstances, it has to be right place, right time and correct amount of ectoplasm." Danny catches the lollipop that Batman throws at him, sending the bat a quick smile.

"Not everyone can become a halfa, our race is a rarity amongst the dead."Constantine raises a brow, pursing his lips. "There are only 3 of you right? Is that a normal amount in the realms?"

Another click. "No, thousands of years ago, when our kind reached its peak of over hundreds of people, Pariah Dark happened."

He briefly shares a glance with Martian Manhunter, he wonders if anyone here sent out a message of phantom story time? Why were they all lounging around?

"It was genocide. He killed off an entire species just because he felt threatened." He shrugs.

Constantine jolts, eyes clear as if he'd just connected the dots.

"So his downfall wasn't only because of rights of conquest but— the reason no one joined nor fought between you and the old King was because it was a revenge kill."

Danny ponders the words over, nodding. Yeah that sounds right.

"Many aren't surprised that Pariah Dark went berserk. It was kind of predictable, considering his soul was brought to the Infinity Realms after he'd died in the Phantom Zone as you know it."

Hal straightens up, Batman tenses and Diana leans forward.

"This previous King of yours– he was a past prisoner of Aethyr's Mind?"

The halfa nods, uncertain now that he'd stumbled upon unknown territory.

"Yes, the Phantom Zone and the Infinity Realms are sister spaces. Were you not aware?"

They were not, he quickly finds out.

Fumbling with his words, mind working overdrive as he sorts through information, he speaks again. "They are the two sides of the same coin, Phantom Zone being non-habitable while the Ghost Zone is filled with unalive."

He briefly struggles with his words, genuinely taken off guard with the lack of knowledge.

"Aethyr isn't just a being, but someone who is connected to the realm itself. Its similar to my position as King of the ghost zone." He summons his crown of ice to simple gesture.

"Besides! Phantom Zone, Zero Zone? Anti-infinite? That's literally the opposite of the Ghost Zone, the Infinite Realms!" he exclaims, throwing his hands up.

"Could you tell us more of your realm?" Superman asks, voice gentle and non threatening. "Some of us have been in the Phantom Zone, so hearing that there is a place being the complete opposite?"

The halfa nods in understanding. "Sure, why not?"

Three simple words yet everyone feels the trust put on them with such information.

"The entire realm is an ever shifting space, we categorise eith the sectors of each afterlife. From the Greeks to the Yetis and different eras."

—

(The tale of his realm lasts longer than expected, it is only when Hal started to get ready to leave does Danny address a certain area in his zone.

"The... Emerald Space is also a sector of the Infinity realm. The sector itself is formed in a sphere like form, we aren't sure what's inside since the fallen lanterns keep to themselves rather."

Hal froze, eyes catching the ghosts, and looked away again. He'd tell OA of this, but now he was going home.

Danny watched him leave and declared it down for now, free for more question the next time and left just as fast.

At least Constantine and Zatara can update their books now.)

[ambrosiagourmet]

Hey, Kabru and Mithrun spend some interesting time together, don't they?

With Mithrun having just officially premiered in the anime, and a lot of discussions swirling around about him, I've been thinking a lot about that section of the story quite a bit. These chapters - Roasted Walking Mushroom and 6 Days - are some of my favorites. For a lot of reasons, really. Not only are they are a huge turning point for the story as a whole, but they have some excellent character work, and represent an important shift in Kabru and Mithrun's individual arcs and relationship to each other.

The chapters are also kind of a fully contained story arc just on their own, which is an impressive bit of writing, and makes them super fun to analyze. So that's exactly what I'm going to do!

This will be structured as a close reading of chapters 61 & 62, with some asides for additional important context. I'm going to talk a little bit about a reading that I disagree with, but for the most part I just want to focus on how Kabru and Mithrun's relationship progresses during these two chapters. In particular, the ways they both grow from the time they spend together.

Also I just want to quickly note that this isn't written as Ship Content. It's meant to be an analysis of their relationship as presented in the text - layer whatever additional meanings and filters on top of that as you'd like, but please respect that my intent is not to talk about or champion a ship, or frame any of this content as romantic.

So, with that all being said:

How do Kabru and Mithrun help each other?

First of all, I think there are two important pieces of context that inform the Kabru & Mithrun Dungeon Adventure chapters. Both are related to Kabru's state of mind, and both are set up before or during the chapters in question.

The first is the context of what happened just before Kabru and Mithrun fell into the dungeon. Specifically, the events that led Kabru to make them fall.

Kabru, essentially, gives up his life at the end of chapter 55. When he stops Mithrun, and when they both plummet with the collapse of the first floor, he is okay with dying. Mithrun warns him that they will both die if Kabru doesn't let him go, and Kabru accepts this as a worthwhile exchange.

Why?

Well, because he doesn't want the elves to take over the dungeon. Throughout the last 3 chapters, the Canaries have been effective, but they have also been cruel in their efficiency, and they have made it clear that they don't care about collateral damage. They lured people into the dungeon specifically to provoke a violent reaction from it, without regard for who might get hurt by the violence.

What's more, they are keeping important information from Kabru, and he knows it.

He's not just looking for a solution, he's looking for the truth - a truth that he believes that he will only find through conquering the dungeon. With good reason, to be fair! The elves make it very clear that they aren't there to treat the other races on the Island as equals.

So Kabru uses the only tool he has available to him - his own life. It won't get him the truth, but it at least gives a chance for another person from a short-life species (namely, Laios) to earn it in his place.

This dovetails nicely with the more thematic context that's introduced in at the start of chapter 61: the room where he could eat all the cake he wanted.

This place, a place that Kabru never wants to go back to, is a place where he is safe, and a place where he is ignorant. A place where he is sheltered from danger, but also from the truth. The same place the Island would become, if the Canaries had their way. He doesn't just want to be safe, and he doesn't even just want the world to be safe, though he does want to be able to protect people from what happened in Utaya.

But he doesn't just want to entrust that safety to the paternalism of the elves (especially since he is all too aware of the ways they can fail, or the people they are willing to sacrifice in the name of that "safety"). He wants to be given the agency to seek safety and peace for himself.

He wants to understand. And he wants the chance to act.

This is the context we have, going into the arc of 61 & 62. But before I talk about how the chapters build on this context, I want to take a step back and look at what else the chapters establish early on, before delving into their exploration of Kabru's agency.

First of all, I kind of want to challenge the framing of Kabru and Mithrun's relationship as solely that of a caretaker and his charge.

Obviously, Kabru is forced into a caretaker position - at the threat of his friend's safety, no less. (Okay, it's actually Toshiro and Namari that are being held, but still. There are hostages involved in this) But I do think it's important that Mithrun isn't the one who puts Kabru in this position - Cithis is.

Before this conversation, Kabru and Mithrun are already exploring the dungeon together. Mithrun doesn't threaten Kabru, or force his hand. He kind of just assumes that Kabru will join him. It's rude, and not particularly respectful, but given the dangers of navigating a dungeon alone, I don't think that's really an unreasonable assumption. And it certainly isn't the same as Cithis' approach.

If they were left alone with no intervention, they probably would have ended up in a similar position to the one that Cithis leveraged them into. Kabru is smart, and he could have figured out the things that Mithrun needed help with. And, to be clear, those are things that Mithrun needs help with not because he is selfish or thinks they are owed to him, but because he is disabled. It's not unreasonable for him to need that help, and it's not unreasonable for Kabru to provide it, under the circumstances.

Besides, they both need each other down there. Kabru wouldn't have survived without Mithrun - he doesn't know enough about monsters, and isn't familiar with the deeper dungeon's layout. And Mithrun wouldn't survive without Kabru - he isn't able to notice his basic needs and would burn himself out without food or rest, making him an easy target for the monsters he could otherwise take care of on his own.

Aside from both needing each other, another interesting layer to their relationship, which is established right away, is that Kabru doesn't have to - and literally cannot - put on a mask of social niceties around Mithrun. He can't suck up. It doesn't work.

So Kabru, who spends so much of his time concerned with how others perceive him, and who compromises his own comfort in order to become the most appealing version of himself at any given time, has that tool taken away. He has to help Mithrun, but notably, he can only help Mithrun to a certain point. He cannot compromise his open and honest feelings to help maintain someone else's view of the world - or at very least, it doesn't benefit him at all to do so.

Instead, they sit together, in the same position, share the same shitty mushroom dinner, because they both have to:

And that's notable, too. They both have to. Cithis' demand is most specific about the need to eat. Three meals a day! But this is something they both need, not just Mithrun.

Still, their relationship at this point still isn't exactly supportive, or even respectful. Kabru may have realized that he didn't need to keep up an act around Mithrun, but ya know, he still turns around an immediately try to, with that shitty mushroom dinner.

(The 'badly drawn shapeshift Kabru' gag here isn't just funny, imo, it's also a reminder of the thing he JUST LEARNED. Mithrun is immune to the Kabru smile anime sparkles filter.)

Mithrun also doesn't tell Kabru any helpful information at this point, and doesn't really put much effort into helping him at all. He slaps him awake out of a Nightmare, and treats him with the same disregard he did at the start of the chapter, focused entirely on moving ahead.

But then Mithrun collapses, and the current structure of their relationship collapses with him.

I think it's interesting here that the shift in their dynamic also includes Mithrun explicitly noticing Kabru's desires. Obviously it's not actually like some kind of I truly see you and recognize your humanity moment shared between them, but I do still like the way that it pulls Kabru's internal wants to the surface. Kabru not voicing his desires doesn't mean they don't exist, and Mithrun recognizes that the same way the dungeon does.

And then Mithrun does, in fact, grant one of Kabru's deepest desires. He tells Kabru the truth.

Just like how they are working together in the first place, this truth is as much a necessary concession to survival as anything. But that doesn't mean it's not impactful for Kabru. This is the thing that every other elf in his life has kept from him. A secret foundational to his core belief that long-life and short-life species can never come to mutual understanding.

And Mithrun isn't just giving him the bare minimum information here. What he shares isn't just a truth, it's his truth. It's a level of complete and total vulnerability that few people share with each other. And again - some of this may just be coincidence and necessity. I imagine Mithrun is so open, at least in part, because he doesn't have the same barriers that other people do when it comes to sharing these things.

But, then again... we see Mithrun at his most vulnerable and empathetic when he is talking to dungeon lords & potential dungeon lords, and trying to convey to them the truth of the trap they are walking into.

This face:

Is very similar to this face:

These are some of the few instances that we see Mithrun emote in this way, and his story does come just after he notices the dungeon responding to Kabru's desires.

But, no matter if Mithrun's openness is in response to Kabru being tangled in the dungeon's hunger, or just part of his nature (or, maybe, a little of both), his story changes things for Kabru. It gives him the chance to make actual choices, now that he understands the truth. It gives him a chance at agency in the story.

And he immediately turns around and uses some of that agency in an interesting way:

When asked about why he can't sleep, Mithrun says he needs to be magically compelled. Being magicked to sleep is simple, and it is efficient, but he doesn't even just say it's the best option. He seems to believe it is the only option.

So much in Mithrun's recovery has been framed through how it will let him fight the demon. Recover so that you can return to the dungeon. Sleep so that you can return to the dungeon. Eat so that you can return to the dungeon.

But rest, much like eating, isn't just about achieving the bare minimum required for efficiency. And as Senshi would probably say, the easiest path isn't always the best.

I don't think that the Canaries are intentionally running Mithrun ragged or anything, but as I mentioned earlier, they are very focused on efficiency, with little thought spared to what is lost or hurt in the process.

And there is something different about Mithrun's time with Kabru in the dungeon. Lycion even notes it, when they finally connect back up.

I don't think it's a huge leap to say that how Mithrun falls asleep here is emblematic of that difference. When Kabru helps Mithrun to sleep by massaging his feet, rather then using magic, he is explicitly taking a step beyond the minimum. He is providing comfort to a body that has been given only necessities for a long, long time.

These two events - Mithrun sharing the truth of the dungeon with Kabru, and Kabru choosing to help Mithrun to sleep through a foot massage - shift their relationship. There's a clear difference in how we see them treat each other, and especially in how Mithrun treats Kabru.

Before, Kabru provides food that he has gathered himself (okay, it was a mushroom he put his foot through on floor one, but the point still stands that Mithrun offered no help at all with getting food).

Afterwards, they gather food together.

Before, Mithrun teleports Kabru towards a monster, using him as a weapon when he can't find anything else.

Afterwards, he helps Kabru escape monsters, and fights them directly.

Before, he slaps Kabru awake after 5 hours of uncomfortable, Nightmare-filled sleep. A rest which, notably, Kabru didn't even intend to take for himself.

Afterwards, we see Mithrun keeping watch while Kabru sleeps in a bedroll.

I don't necessarily think that all of these things are choices that Mithrun consciously makes. Like, after 6 days, Kabru would have to get some actual sleep eventually, and Mithrun would pretty obviously have to keep watching during that time.

Nonetheless, there's still a difference in how these scenes are framed, and the fact that it is these things that are used to portray their journey together. Kabru is not the sole person providing food and sleep and safety - they provide these things for each other. Kabru eats alongside Mithrun, hunts alongside Mithrun, and he sleeps in the same way we see Mithrun sleep, laying down and resting deeply enough to be groggy when woken up.

What's more, during their time together, there are even a couple of instances of Kabru being more willing to care for himself and accept care. The sleeping is one example - note how he is surprised at having slept "that long" when told he was asleep for less than even the minimum recommended amount of nightly sleep - but I think the pattern of his eating is even clearer. In making sure that Mithrun eats regularly, he is forced to eat regularly too.

And I especially like the progression with the Barometz meal. After Mithrun has fallen asleep, Kabru thinks about wanting to "give [Mithrun] something nice to eat," but also notes that Mithrun's lack of desire "means there isn't even anything he wants to eat." So what does Kabru do?

He makes Mithrun something that he wants to eat.

I've already talked a bit about the ways that Dungeon Meshi depicts people finding support through "borrowing" the desires of the people who care for them, and I think this scene is a great example of that idea. Especially in the way that it pulls an expression of desire from Kabru, who is so prone to ignore his own hunger and needs. The meal may not end up anywhere close to the flavor intended, but it's still a far cry from the roasted walking mushroom.

All of these pieces come together at the end of chapter 62, resulting in a pivotal choice that could only happen because of the ways Kabru and Mithrun have, at least a little bit, grown closer to each other.

As they are preparing to leave, Kabru hears a bell ringing in the dungeon, just as he hears Toshiro's matching bell on the other side of the portal. Realizing Laios is nearby, Kabru hesitates. He knows the truth about the demon, and how he has a chance to act on it.

Cithis, the person who extorted Kabru into taking care of Mithrun in the first place, pushes for Mithrun to follow along with the plan.

(okay a quick aside here I just want to say I do love Cithis and I'm not trying to bash on her here. I just think it's interesting that she is the one to establish the terms of Mithrun & Kabru's cooperation, as well as the one who tells Mithrun to leave the dungeon at the end of the chapter)

But Mithrun doesn't go along with her command. Instead, he does something unexpected:

He asks what Kabru wants to do.

In contrast to Milsiril's smothering comfort,

and in contrast to his Mithrun's own assumption that Kabru will follow him, when they first wake up in the dungeon,

Mithrun follows Kabru's lead.

This, right here, is the change between them. Not only that, but it's a shift in the entire balance of agency in the dungeon. For what might be the first time in a very long time, Kabru - a tall-man - knows the truth, and is acting on it. He makes a huge decision purely on his own judgement. He is not trying to appease or coerce anyone, and he doesn't win Mithrun over by hiding his true intentions.

Rather, it's the honesty between them that builds to this moment. Mithrun's honesty earns Kabru's trust, and Kabru's honesty earns Mithrun's respect. They bond not because they are forced to spend time together, but because they choose to spend that time giving each other more than the bare minimum - even when they are both people used to accepting the bare minimum.

It echoes Laios' argument with Toshiro, in a way. They eat three square meals a day (Cithis mandated admittedly), they get plenty of sleep, and in doing these things, they take each other seriously. They treat each other as more than just a means to an end.

I don't necessarily think it's a flawless, unbreakable bond that's built during this time - hell, they both kind of revert back to their old behavior, once reunited with the rest of the Canaries. People don't completely change their habits overnight, after all.

But it is a shift. It's a shift that gives Kabru the chance to steer the story towards the ending he has fought for all his life, and it's a shift that helps Mithrun find a way to move forward after he loses his own reason for living. They reach their goals, and then they step past them - facing life beyond the moments they thought defined their reasons for living. Facing life beyond the bare minimum.

And that is how they help each other.

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Promise

Pairing(s): Knight!Natasha Romanoff x Princess!Reader

Summary: The first time you patch up an injured Natasha.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Descriptions of wounds | Terribly written medical talk | Mentions of violence and knives

Authors Note: This is another mini-oneshot to my fic “Soulmates”. I’d recommend reading that one before this for context to be able to grasp the storyline!

Other mini-oneshots: Forever | Perfect | Enamored

(Takes place around 17 years old)

You entered the castle with your mother at your side. You had just finished sitting in on a meeting that your parents had attended with some of neighboring kingdoms.

With you finally becoming of age to understand at least the majority of what they were discussing, your mother and father wanted you to get some first hand experience at helping to make important decisions.

As you talked you rounded the corner to the hallway that held the library where you'd planned to get in some studying, but the words coming out of your mother's mouth had faded to the back of your mind once you saw Yelena rushing towards you.

She looked frantic, but you noticed how she toned it down to a more presentable manner after laying eyes on the Queen beside you.

Your eyebrows furrowed seeing her approach you as though she were on a mission, and your mother had now stopped talking realizing that you were no longer paying attention.

"Hey, Yelena. Is everything okay?" you greeted the blonde.

Yelena looked between the two of you before answering, "Yeah. Yeah, I just needed you for...something...real quick."

Your mother cleared her throat to get your attention, "I'm going to go find your father. Don't forget to look over the information from today, okay honey?"

"Of course." you nodded your head in understanding, "I'll see you later." you said before she excused herself.

You turned back to the blonde with a now more concerned look, "What's going on? What's wrong?" you asked.

She almost struggled to find an answer before responding, "I think it's better for you to just see for yourself..." Yelena trailed off as she grabbed your wrist into her hand and led you through the hallways.

The two of you ended up in front of your bedroom door which confused you even more as she pulled you inside and quickly shut the door behind you, but your heart dropped at the sight in front of you when you turned around.

Natasha was sat on your bed looking as if she'd just been in a fight.

A bad one at that.

Her face was scuffed with dirt, her knuckles were bloodied and bruised, but that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was the area on her shoulder that her hand was clutching to stop it from bleeding, but you could see it clearly wasn't doing a very good job.

"I tried to take her to the infirmary, but she wouldn't go. She told me to bring her to you, but one of the maids said that you weren't here so I had to go find you." Yelena explained.

"Oh my god, Nat. What happened?" you asked as you rushed to your girlfriend’s side.

Your eyes zeroed in on the open wound on her shoulder. Her breath hitched when you moved her hand out of the way to get a better look. You muttered an apology before putting her hand back and quickly grabbing a hand towel from your closet.

"You should see the other guys." the redhead chuckled but her smile was replaced with a wince when you moved her hand again to use the towel to apply pressure instead.

Natasha knew you didn't find her joke very funny based on the glare you sent her way.

"She got into a fight with some thieves down at the docks. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she wouldn't listen and now here we are." Yelena said.

This time it was Natasha's turn to glare at her sister for ratting her out, but Yelena didn't pay any mind to the look she was given.

"Jesus christ," you mumbled. "And you decided you wanted to bleed out on my bed right now instead of in the infirmary with a doctor because?"

The redhead winced again when you shifted to be able to inspect the rest of her body for any other injuries, "I thought you would be able to treat it. Didn't your parents make you take first aid lessons from the doctor a few years ago? You know, for your studies?"

"Yes, but the doctor at the infirmary is a professional." you counteracted. "They would do a much better job than I would at making sure this doesn't get infected."

"Please, Y/n." Natasha said, "I could get in so much trouble if my commander found out I was getting into fights before I even finished my training."

You sighed as you thought for a moment. She's obviously set on not going to the doctor, and you have to do something soon to stop it from getting worse so you really had no choice.

As you stood up from the bed the knights eyes followed you, "Take your top off and keep putting pressure on this." you told her before making your way to your bathroom.

Yelena took this as her cue to leave, "I'm gonna go now. I'll come back to check on you in a bit." she said and Natasha nodded, watching her slip through the door and shut it behind her.

After a little struggle the redhead managed to eventually pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in a tank top.

When you returned a moment later you had a clean towel and a first aid kit in hand. You sat back down next to her and removed the dirty towel to begin cleaning her wound.

It wasn’t as bad as it had looked before when you finally got the bleeding to stop. Either way seeing her like this scared you more than you’d let on.

You worked in silence for a while. The only sounds filling the room being the occasional winces and grunts from Natasha when the pain hurts a little more. Each time you mumbled a quick "sorry" before continuing.

"Are you mad at me?" Natasha spoke into the quiet air.

You didn't answer right away which just worried her even more, but when you did it wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"No," you responded, "I'm not mad at you. You just scared me, I mean what were you even thinking?"

“I don’t know,” the redhead said, “I don’t even know if I was thinking. I just…reacted.”

Natasha watched your concentrated face. Sometimes she couldn't help but just stare at it. At this point she had every detail of it memorized like the back of her hand. Which wasn't very helpful when she was currently being scolded by you.

"Did you even have any of your equipment when you decided to pick a fight with them?" you asked.

The young knight shook her head, "No, but I couldn't just watch it happen. There were four of them and one of them had a knife. I had to do something or else people might’ve gotten hurt.”

“People did get hurt, Natasha. You got hurt.”

Natasha hung her head in defeat at your words. “I know.” she said. “I know and I’m sorry for putting you through this. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my actions. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed and put down the supplies you were using so you could finally look at her. She held a guilty expression and it made you feel bad for getting upset with her. Your hand came up to her face in an attempt to wipe away some of the dirt with your thumb and fix her messy hair.

“Nat, I get that you just wanted to do the right thing. That’s one of the things I love most about you.” you spoke softly and she gave you a small smile, “I just worry so much. This could’ve been so much worse than some bruises and a knife wound.”

“I got lucky, I know.” she admitted. “Yelena was right I should’ve listened to her and it was stupid of me not to.”

Your gaze went back and forth between both of her eyes. You could’ve gotten lost in her vibrant green orbs if you didn’t still have to finish patching her up before someone came looking for you.

“Just promise me that you’ll be more careful going forward. I don’t want this to ever happen again because I love you too much to be able to handle it if it did.”

Natasha quickly nodded her head, “I promise, and I love you too.”

You leaned in to connect your lips in a soft kiss, needing a reminder that she was here with you and safe.

The redhead obviously didn’t want you to pull away with the way she chased after your lips when you pulled back. You had to press your hand against her chest in order to keep a distance between the two of you.

“As much as I would love to keep going, I think you might need a few stitches to help that shoulder heal.” you said.

Natasha just groaned. She wasn’t even sure if the dissatisfaction she felt was because she had to go through the pain of getting stitches, or because you broke the kiss. The redhead came to the conclusion that it was because of both.

The noise made you giggle and you began sifting through the first aid kit for a needle and some thread. “I’ve only ever practiced this using fruits, so bear with me. I still think you should’ve gone to the doctor instead.”

She just shrugged her uninjured shoulder, “Why would I when I have my own personal nurse right here. And she’s cute too.” Natasha smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes at that last comment, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself there. I still have to take a look at those knuckles and clean your face up.”

“What? I thought you liked my face.” she pouted.

“You know I do, but I don’t like the fact that it looks as if someone just dragged you through the dirt.”

Natasha scoffed, “For the record, I won, of course. They were after that bakery you love by the boats. The owner said that my next order would be on the house as a thanks for my help, so I think you should be thanking me.” she spoke proudly.

You just stared at your girlfriend in disbelief. As much as you didn’t understand how she was able to laugh and joke about the situation, you appreciated it because it took your mind off of the bad thoughts that clouded your mind.

It reminded you that your Natasha was still there and you couldn’t be more grateful for her.

“Instead of thinking about that you should be figuring out how you’re going to hide this from your parents when they come back from their trip.”

~ end ~

[muninnhuginn]

The thing is that the dynamic between John and James does sound genuinely fascinating from the glimpses we get of it.

John says that James was always better at (social) stuff. James did go out and become a police officer, marry Lucy, and just generally have more of a "normal" life, but it's clear that Lucy thinks John and James *aren't* as dissimilar as John believes. James may have been better at masking, but he clearly didn't have an easy ride either. Still, John is envious of his brother and feels like James is what he *could* have been if he'd been able to venture out into the world. The fact that both brothers had crushes on Lucy only serves to hammer that in.

On the other hand, John is an incredibly successful puzzle solver and spending most of his life in his house in no way detracts from that. The murders he solves appear to be beyond the capabilities of James going by the reactions of everyone else. There's an argument to be had about how much is difference in solving vs being tied in by procedure and social niceties, but either way, John gets accurate results much faster than James ever did. Even if John does very much ignore behavioural factors as he attempts to simplify each crime scene to a "puzzle to be solved".

There's also something to be said for how James' coworkers didn't clock he had been replaced. How none of them even knew he *had* a twin brother. Obviously, there's an element of it being down to the writing in that the game couldn't be given away too quickly, but it does speak of a more distant relationship with his coworkers (perhaps aside from his former partner). And there's the voicemail where James says (though given the context, this can't be taken as 100% true) that he was the one most like their father, in his choice to run away. It was a hint to John, but it only worked as such because they had so little that tied them together in the first place. They grew up together, shared their childhood, and yet, they hadn't spoken in years. Makes me wonder how much of it was neither wanting to be the first to reach out. On John's side that makes total sense (James is the "social successful" one, after all) but James' side is much more a mystery (though, "they're more alike than they seem" comes to mind).

Of course, both of them were impacted by their father leaving as he did. It's spelled out several times that John and James reacted differently. John turning inwards (only pushed further by his bullies and discovering his love of puzzles) whilst James focused outwards (to become more socially successful). But we find that John doesn't want to lose the social aspects once he's found a place for himself. That James is able to go almost entirely non-contact with his family despite knowing the impact his own father had on his family. The one stuck in his house ventures out as the one surrounded by family escapes it all.

All in all, John and James are pretty interesting characters even if we only know one of them secondhand.

*However*, when we actually *see* James in person, my main thought is "that's a second David Mitchell"

[nikethestatue]

Azriel and Home

People have woefully misinterpreted something that SJM made very very clear in ACOSF.

Azriel doesn't want a MATE.

Azriel never even mentioned a mate for himself.

What Azriel wants, is missing, and needs more than anything is...home.

He doesn't have a home.

He was locked in a cupboard for 11 years of his life. Separated from his mother, before being dumped in the Illyrian camp,

The only semblance of home life h's ever had was with Rhys's mom.

He lives in HOW with Nesta and Cassian, clearly an unwanted 'intruder'.

He doesn't like being in the River Estate because of Elain, and it's Rhys and Feyre's house.

And the only person that he WANTS and associates with being at home, is Elain.

There is a lot of imagery that is connected to Azriel ad Elain in the context of 'home'. What's more, he quickly takes on the role of her protector, her comforter, her stabilizer, while guarding her role as the 'keeper of the hearth', the woman of the house.

They meet in a domestic setting, and sit around the table. Elain tries to play peacekeeper and a unifier, and while Nessian are bickering, and Feysand are in this limbo of emotions, it's Elain and Azriel who act cordially and like a...married couple. Azriel provides her with comfort and security, so she feels safe in her home.

When in ACOWAR he says 'I am getting her back' he risks everything to bring her HOME. She was snatched from the safety of the camp, she was lured away from her home, by a 'false man'--a man who never protected her or cherished her (Graysen). Interestingly, she is places in a tent, next to the Cauldron, the thing that wanted her so much. The Cauldron didn't hurt her. The King didn't hurt her. But they took her away from her home, and Azriel was going to bring her back.

Because the next scene that we have is the three sisters sleeping together on a bear rug, in their 'home' together, even in the middle of war.

Azriel arms Elain with TT, saying ' I won't be using it today, but I want you to have it'. He knows that this is HIS protection for her. Even when he cannot be there, he will protect her by any means possible. He will protect the keeper of the hearth. He will protect HIS HOME.

Once we move to ACOFAS, what does Azriel do for most of the book? He looks for her outside, through the windows. Because if she is not inside her home, she is not 'with him'. HE is the one who engages with her immediately, seeking her out on Solstice and he tells her about the celebration. Of course the crescendo of his emotions for her, for her place in his life and in his heart occurs during the potato scene. He acts like...oh you know it. A husband. He removes that onus from Rhysand, and HE becomes the head of the household, and he makes everyone respect and wait for his woman. "Sit, I'll take care of it'. Again, he shows everyone that she can depend on him. He would be the foundation upon which she can build the life she wants. He would support her and honour her. What's more, later in the scene, Elain takes place at the HEAD of the table.

That night, all was well in the House of Azriel.

The breakdown of Azriel's emotional stamina happens in ACOSF. Because he doesn't want a MATE. He wants Elain, he wants Elain to be his home. He wants to find a place where it's them building a life together. He dares not dream of it. He doesn't make plans, by his own admission. Because he needs to guard his sanity, and his heart. Because he knows that if it doesn't happen with her, that if he can't have her, he'd be wandering alone and homeless for the rest of his life. He only wants to build with Elain.

[patientreflections]

The results are in....

and it's an interesting case study to say the least. I’m not someone who usually comments on celebrity rollouts, but the way this particular one played out caught my attention more so than usual. Not because of the relationship itself, but because of how it was presented—and how quickly it became clear that it didn’t land as I assume was intended. I found myself this week asking, "what was the point?" To clarify, I do think Luke and Antonia are genuinely together. If this were a PR relationship, it’s not a particularly strategic one. By all accounts PR relationships are grounded in both parties seeing a mutual benefit to the alliance. This rollout however hasn’t been smooth, the timing is strange, and the whole thing feels awkwardly executed. The problem here isn’t whether it’s real. The problem is that it doesn’t work—at least not in the eyes of the public. What stood out first was the rollout’s uneven pacing. It began with solo red carpet photos at the British Vogue x Netflix party—no official couple shot, just quiet proximity. Then, the next day, came more affectionate footage and behind-the-scenes images. Luke’s own grid post included a cheeky couple photo, but buried behind a solo cover shot. At the BAFTAs, a joint photo was taken at the entrance but not on the official step and repeat. The early signals felt cautious, almost noncommittal. Then suddenly, the switch flipped: a full-scale post-BAFTAs press push—major entertainment headlines, a stylized couple photoshoot, digital articles, the works. It went from soft launch to shouting in 24 hours, all seemingly to benefit Antonia. And then…poof, nothing. No follow-up. No echo. Just a sharp drop-off that made the silence louder than the reveal itself. Usually, after a media blast like that, you'd expect at least 48-72 hours of natural pickup— fashion commentary, snippets in entertainment news, curious discourse online.  But a quick trends search shows the coverage hit a wall and then a steep decline. No legs, no staying power. That kind of silence tells you everything. The audience just didn’t care enough to keep the story alive.

It doesn’t help that there’s no clear narrative around them. No shared project, no compelling reason for the timing, no personal reveal or milestone that gives this rollout structure. And critically, there was no existing foundation of goodwill to support it. A quick yet enlightening 10 minute google search showed me that Antonia came into this with complicated baggage among parts of the Bridgerton fanbase. Luke, meanwhile, has been publicly adrift for a while—present but not exactly engaging. In the midst of a rebrand of his image, which from what I can tell isn't exactly hitting the mark either. When neither person is holding strong favor with general audiences, a joint push like this is risky. And we’re seeing why. That context makes the hard numbers more meaningful. One week post press launch and Antonia’s Instagram gained just under 200 new followers. That’s not slow growth—that’s a near flatline. As for Luke’s numbers, they are moving in the opposite direction entirely, with noticeable drops on days with heavier media activity associated with this joint press push. For someone with over 2 million followers, the loss isn’t huge—but the pattern matters. In PR, it’s not just about the raw numbers—it’s about trajectory. Luke has been steadily losing followers for close to near a year now. That kind of long-tail decline tells you something about public sentiment. And unless there’s a clear pivot—something that injects likability, surprise, or career momentum—it becomes very difficult to shift that narrative back in a positive direction. At the heart of it, this isn’t even about how “liked” or “disliked” they are. It’s about the absence of emotional connection. There’s a lack of charisma in how they’re presenting themselves. The affection feels performed rather than natural—and even if you are one of the many casual viewers like myself, you can sense it. There's no spark, no softness, no sense that the moments being shared between them are actually for each other rather than for the camera. With Antonia, that pattern shows up in nearly everything she shares online. Every aspect of what’s posted —her outfits, her captions, even the way she moves through a red carpet—feels like it’s being filtered through a performance lens. There’s always a knowing glance to the camera, always a pose, never a moment that feels unguarded or instinctive. Her Instagram presence is heavily Gen Z-coded: trend-driven, aesthetic over substance, and largely without a clear persona or unique point of view. So when she’s suddenly styled beside Luke to evoke a kind of “polished elegance”—reserved, tasteful—it doesn’t land as aspirational. It lands as calculated. I’m sure that in person Antonia is lovely, but I get the sense she’s been studying what it means to be “seen,” more-so than knowing what she actually wants to say.  As for Luke, this past weekends events came across as someone familiar yet completely unknown at the same time. Like a man wearing an ill fitting suit designed by Hollywoods expectations of him vs. someone genuinely forging his own path. The disconnect is visibly noticeable.

In publicity, you can’t manufacture a moment unless people want to buy into it. The audience has to feel something—curiosity, warmth, joy, even drama but it also has to be rooted in authenticity. When everything feels staged, and there’s no real emotion underneath the aesthetics, people simply move on. That’s the danger of trying to perform visibility without substance. You can dress it up in a pretty dress, pair it with a leading man, and frame it on a red carpet —but if there’s no real person underneath for the public to connect to, it just doesn’t stick.

So where do they go from here? From my experience, they've got two choices: 1. At first you don’t succeed, try again…and hope for the best 2. Accept that what might work behind closed doors just doesn’t translate publicly—and forcing it into the spotlight won’t fix that. Whether it’s working privately is anyone’s guess. But whatever it is, putting it on display isn’t helping either one of them. 

[tinytinyblogs]

Okay hear me out can I request yandere skz whose darling hates/refuses to even look at them and says mean things to the boys in order to get them to leave her alone but it has the opposite effect

Are you defying me, darling?

The more you distance yourself, the closer they might become. Take it slow if you're unsure.

⚠️ yandere theme, unhealthy obsession, and a lot more⚠️

Hyung line, Maknae line

💬 Thanks for your patience! Things have been a bit hectic lately, and I apologize for the delay. Here's the reaction post you requested, as promised. Let me know if you have any feedback or if there's anything I can improve on.

stray kids masterlist

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

Chan

Chan, your sunshine, your anchor – the very picture of gentleness. He opens doors with a smile, treats you like royalty, and knows exactly how to make you laugh. Yet, a knot of apprehension coils in your stomach because for all his sweetness, there's a line you never want him to cross. The air hangs heavy. You haven't spoken in what feels like hours, the silence a suffocating blanket. It started with a simple plea, a desperate need for some space, some time to breathe without the constant hum of his presence. The words tumbled out, harsh and ragged. "Can you just leave me alone, damn it?" The change in Chan is instantaneous. His smile vanishes, replaced by a coldness that sends shivers down your spine. A heavy silence descends, thick and suffocating. You steal a glance at him, and your heart plummets. His eyes, usually sparkling with warmth, are now narrowed lasers, fixated on you. The air crackles with a tension you've never witnessed before. Then, a deceptively calm voice breaks the silence. "What did you just say, sweetheart?" he asks, the endearment sounding foreign in this new context. It's clear he doesn't like what he heard, and a flicker of fear ignites in your chest.

You shrink back, your voice barely a whisper as you repeat, "I... I just want to be alone, Chan." But the damage is done. With a slow, deliberate movement, Chan closes the distance. He towers over you, his form an imposing shadow. He crouches down, invading your personal space, and gently, but firmly, cups your chin with his hand. You wince as his nails dig slightly into your skin, forcing you to meet his gaze. "Sweetheart," he says, his voice a low rumble, sending shivers down your spine. It's calm, almost too calm, and that terrifies you more than any outburst. His eyes hold you captive, a storm brewing beneath the surface. "I may love you," he continues, his words laced with a dangerous undercurrent, "but disrespect won't be tolerated. Remember that." Seeing the tear, a flicker of something crossed Chan's face – maybe regret, maybe anger. It was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a chilling coldness. "Tears won't work this time," he said, his voice devoid of any warmth. He reached out, a single finger brushing against your chin, tilting your face up to meet his gaze. "You will explain yourself," he said, his voice a harsh whisper. "And you will understand exactly why you don't get to ask for space from me."

Minho

Minho wasn't like other guys. He didn't crave grand gestures or whispered sweet nothings. No, Minho thrived on the spark in your eyes when he sent shivers down your spine with a surprise tickle or a whispered threat that danced on the edge of plausibility. The way you flustered, the stammer that replaced your usual sharp retorts when he'd corner you with a teasing question – that was his fuel. So, when you finally snapped, a glorious eruption after weeks of his calculated torment, a thrill snaked through him, cold and exhilarating. "Get away from me, don't touch me, you jerk!" you shouted, cheeks flushed a furious red. He'd expected the usual splutter of insults, a well-placed punch maybe, but this raw defiance, this unfamiliar vulnerability – it was intoxicating. Minho's smirk wasn't playful this time. It was a slow, deliberate twist of his lips, a predator recognizing a challenge in its prey. You wanted him gone? Perfect. He'd become your shadow, a constant reminder of the delicious chaos he reveled in unleashing. The way your breath hitched when he brushed past a little too close, the flinch you couldn't quite suppress when he materialized at your locker – oh, he'd savor every startled reaction, every muttered curse under your breath.

Perhaps you didn't understand him, and maybe that was part of the allure. Minho was an enigma, a puzzle only he held the key to. But that didn't matter. He thrived on the chase, on the unpredictable rhythm your dynamic had taken. Your pain, a byproduct of his gamesmanship, was a mere footnote – the price you paid for defying him. "Feeling spicy today, aren't we?" he drawled, his voice low and gravelly. He stopped directly in front of you, his face mere inches away. "Seems like somebody needs a reminder of who's in charge," he continued, his smirk widening. A single finger brushed against your cheek, sending shivers down your spine. You wanted to fight back, to spit out a retort, but the words wouldn't come. The fear was a thick fog clouding your thoughts. Minho seemed to revel in your silence. He chuckled, a low, humorless sound. "Don't worry, sweetheart," he leaned in closer, his voice barely a whisper but filled with chilling promise. "We have plenty of time for you to learn your lesson." The enclosed space became a prison, the air thick with unspoken threats and simmering tension. You knew this wasn't a game anymore. This was Minho asserting his dominance, and you were the unwilling participant in his twisted play.

Changbin

You clench your fists, heart hammering against your ribs. "Damn you," you growl, the words tasting metallic on your tongue, "don't come any closer, jerk!" Changbin's laugh echoes in the confined space. It's a sound you've never heard before, devoid of its usual teasing lilt and replaced with something darker, hungrier. This new side of him sends a shiver down your spine, both terrifying and...exciting? The thought is fleeting, pushed aside by the urgency of the situation. He ignores your protest, a predatory glint in his eyes. Each step he takes is a deliberate invasion of your personal space, until your back is pressed flush against the wall, trapped. His hands snake around you, pinning you against the cool surface. It feels like the room has shrunk, the air itself thick with unspoken tension. "So what, huh?" he taunts, leaning in so close his warm breath tickles your ear. "I can do whatever I want." His voice is a low rumble, sending shivers down your spine. It's as if this sudden resistance has ignited a fire within him, a twisted competition to break you, to own you completely. You can almost see the gears turning in his head, a game suddenly unfolding before you. One he intends to win.

Shame burned through you, hot and acrid. You hated yourself for the traitorous flicker of excitement that had dared to ignite within you. Changbin's dark eyes, usually lit with playful mischief, were now narrowed with predatory intent. The possessiveness that radiated from him was suffocating. "This isn't a game, Changbin," you spat, your voice shaking but defiant. You met his gaze head-on, refusing to show fear. "Don't you dare turn this into some twisted dominance act." A flicker of surprise crossed his face, quickly replaced by a slow, dangerous smile. "Dominance act?" he echoed, his voice low and silken. His thumbs brushed across your wrists, sending a jolt through you. "Perhaps," he continued, leaning in further, his breath hot against your cheek. "Or maybe it's just a reminder of who calls the shots here, sweetheart." His smile faltered for a moment, a flicker of something you couldn't decipher passing through his eyes. Then, with a sigh that seemed to shake the very room, he released you. You stumbled back a step, breathing heavily, the air suddenly feeling thin. "Maybe you're right," he conceded, his voice back to its usual drawl, though a hint of darkness lingered. "Maybe we need a different kind of reminder." He took a step back, his eyes holding yours with an intensity that sent chills down your spine. "A reminder of the consequences of defying me."

Hyunjin

Your outburst, a tirade fueled by pent-up frustration and veiled truths, had frozen Hyunjin. He stood there, a statue carved from confusion and a flicker of something darker. You spat out the final words, "Just get out! Leave me alone you jerk!" expecting a fight, an apology, anything but the unsettling silence that followed. He left, the quiet deafening and thick with unspoken threats. But the absence wasn't a reprieve. It was a predator stalking its prey. Every creak of the floorboards sent your pulse racing, every shadow a potential monster. Sleep was a distant memory replaced by a hypervigilance that left you drained. The bed felt vast and empty, the once comforting weight of Hyunjin beside you a chilling reminder of what you'd lost. Days blurred. The air crackled with a tension so thick you choked on it. Then, one evening, just as the remnants of hope started to flicker, Hyunjin reappeared. He wasn't the playful boy you knew. His eyes, usually sparkling with amusement, were now steely and focused. They scanned the room, lingering on you, assessing. Silence stretched, broken only by the shallow rasp of your own breath. "So," he finally spoke, his voice devoid of its usual warmth, "you want to be alone, do you?" It wasn't a question.

It was a challenge, a test to gauge your sincerity. You opened your mouth to apologize, to plead, but the words wouldn't come. The fear had lodged itself in your throat, a physical weight hindering any attempt at defiance. A slow, predatory smile spread across Hyunjin's face. "There are consequences for everything," he said, each word dripping with a chilling possessiveness. "Especially disrespect." Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision. You wanted to scream, to fight back against the oppressive atmosphere, but the fear kept you rooted to the spot. "I… I'm sorry," you stammered, your voice barely a whisper. Hyunjin stopped in front of you, his face inches away. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, the intensity of his gaze making it difficult to breathe. "Sorry isn't enough," he said, his voice a low growl. "You will understand, one way or another, how much respect I deserve." He reached out, a single finger tilting your chin up so you were forced to meet his gaze. "We don't need space," he murmured, his voice a chilling caress. "We need understanding. And you," he leaned in even closer, his breath hot against your ear, "will learn exactly what that means." He wasn't angry, exactly. He was calculating, methodical, a predator who had finally cornered his prey.

[tobyisave]

Character analysis: Why does Kokichi lie?

I think lying is more than just a means to an end for Kokichi, so this is my personal understanding of Kokichi's habitual lying, centered on the headcanon that he experiences his own emotions very weakly.

In a vain attempt to make this post more streamlined, I've isolated most textual examples into footnotes at the bottom; probably only read them if you don’t buy what I’m saying in the sentence prior. Lastly, if you disagree with something I say here and choose to make it known: probably read the footnotes first, and regardless please just be nice about it :')

"If I wanna become closer to Shuichi, I probably shouldn't lie so much... But that's my shtick... or more like, my way of life..." (Kokichi's inner thoughts from Salmon Team)

Small lies vs Big lies

To start this off, I need to clarify that there's (at least) two very different kinds of Kokichi lies. First are the “big” lies, like being the mastermind or lies about the nature of DICE. Big lies are consistent, told with a “straight face,” and well thought-out, because they usually serve some kind of strategic purpose [e.g. footnote 1]. But those aren't the kind of lies I'm aiming to explain here, because they're already well discussed and follow a pretty understandable logic.

I'm focusing on what I call "small" or compulsive lies: trivial claims & performed emotions that are usually not believed for long, either because they’re too outlandish or because he or someone else disproves them. For example, sobbing that he hates coffee and then asking for a cup of coffee; or telling the seance participants he's "actually super duper strong," despite knowing full well they're about to watch him struggle to carry the iron cage [more ex. in note 2]. Most of Kokichi's lies fall into this category imo, especially in low-stakes environments like Salmon Team and UTDP. Unlike big lies, "small" lies are somewhat unique to Kokichi, he tells/performs them constantly regardless of context, and they don’t serve a very clear purpose.

Masking

I think Kokichi got very good at performing emotions from a young age in order to mask the fact that he doesn't experience empathy or other emotions very strongly. And maybe that sounds like a very specific headcanon, but just stick with me here... [and/or see note 3 for one line of evidence]. Failing to emote convincingly would’ve not only made it difficult to exist in everyday society, but it probably would’ve put an even bigger target on his back as a criminal, too… So yeah, he learned.

But as it turns out, spending an (admittedly very short) lifetime pretending to have emotions you don’t actually have is a fantastic way to:

Start feeling detached from the people around you,

Start seeing everyone else as suckers for buying it, and

Very quickly lose any moral qualms about lying — after all, people would attack him from every direction if he was honest about his feelings towards them (or lack thereof), so how is it fair that they want to punish him for lying, too? There’s just no winning!

My interpretation boils down to this: Kokichi lies compulsively because he is deeply bored, and the kick he gets out of deceiving people is one of the only things he finds consistently rewarding about talking to them. Most social interactions already feel like lies to him because he is constantly forced to mask, so he might as well tell fun lies about being a supervillain instead of boring, easy lies about wanting to be friends with everyone.

(Continued under the cut)

Not all lies are strategic

I think it's easy to assume at first that the only reason to lie is for some sort of material influence: changing others' behavior or hiding undesirable truths, either for your own selfish gain or the greater good. Definitely, there is a purpose like that for most of Kokichi's "big" lies, and even some of his "small" ones (e.g. the kind of short-lived lies both he and Shuichi tell in order to advance the Class Trials). But even in retrospect, not every lie he tells can be explained with an external motivation like that, selfish OR unselfish.

I think telling "small" lies is more of a habit for Kokichi than a strategic choice, something he can't quit even when it becomes an actively bad strategy (hence "compulsive"). But if you’re already with me on this, feel free to just skip to the next section :P

A. Small lies aren't meant to be believed.

I don't think Kokichi tells lies in order to actually mislead people most of the time — because if he wanted people to believe his small lies, then he wouldn't be constantly retracting them. Many (or even most) of his small lies are soon followed up with “It’s a lie!”, either literally or by demonstrating/implying that it’s untrue [e.g. note 2 again]. [For some possible exceptions to this rule, see note 4].

Fig 1: Kokichi struggling not to give himself away after Monotarou believes his outlandish lie (V3 manga anthology). While I think this instance is a bit exaggerated, it nicely draws attention to the fact that he enjoys revealing his own lies.

By Kokichi's own doing, there is often a net 0 change in what people believe by the time they reach the end of a conversation with him. E.g. Kaede doesn't walk away from their FTE thinking Kokichi is her long-lost companion, Shuichi doesn't walk away from Salmon Team thinking Kokichi is obsessed with dumpster diving, etc. This suggests that Kokichi's not trying to change the perceived truth, he's just interested in the momentary act of tricking people.

B. Kokichi doesn’t tell small lies to alter his social standing, for better OR for worse.

I think the first half of this is self evident — I mean, if he was trying to gain status, he's doing a terrible job! He is aware of what behavior is required to make people like you and listen to you, and he is patently not doing that. 

You might then argue that he’s doing the opposite: intentionally bombing his reputation to build up to Ch.5 so that people would readily believe he’s the mastermind. While I do think his annoying lies ended up helping on that front, I don’t think his mastermind plan is the cause of this behavior, because...

Firstly, we still see him lie constantly in contexts where there's no clear advantage to being hated (UTDP, Salmon Team).

Secondly: Crying wolf is one of many great strategies to make people hate you... but it is a uniquely terrible strategy to make people believe you. If you were really going to create an evil mastermind persona out of thin air, "pretending to be a lying attention-seeker" is just not the most logical way to go about it; that would only make it harder for you to convince people that you're actually being serious when you do the big reveal that you're the mastermind [for a note on Junko, see 5]. That's why I don't think the compulsive liar thing is an act; instead the evil persona we see in game is just the result of leaning into traits people already disliked about him. The reason he tells so many meaningless small lies during the killing game is just that he already was, and is, a compulsive liar.

Again, there are some "big" lies, lies he doesn't go back on, that he tells in order to tank his reputation (e.g. "The more you suffer, the more I enjoy it"). But those big lies aren't enhanced at all by the fact that he walks around telling people the sky is green, you know? That might make people hate him, but it's not the wisest way to do so while still maintaining control over people.

Finally, regarding the argument that he tanks his credibility in order to mask his own emotions, see note [6].

So, with all that said... Why even tell these lies, if they don't give him more control over the situation, his classmates, or the truth?

Boredom

I believe Kokichi’s small lies are primarily driven by boredom. Yes, his complaints of boredom are probably meant to tie him to Junko (narratively) and justify enjoying the killing game. But I do think he’s also genuinely, chronically bored. Just because he doesn’t have vivid emotions doesn’t mean his brain isn’t expecting him to have vivid emotions, if that makes sense, so there’s just a constant lack of stimulus that leaves him restless.

On that note, I think it's difficult for him to maintain interest in everyday conversations. There's not usually a lot at stake for him, because he doesn't feel much about the people around him, and isn't interested in pretending that he does just so they can feel "connected" to a version of him that doesn't actually exist [but see 7].

It doesn't matter to him which path he takes when navigating everyday social interactions, so if he has to get through those interactions anyway, he's going to take the road less traveled. Pointing fingers, confessing to murder, and spontaneously bursting into tears… it’s not usually to accomplish anything in particular. It's more like doing backflips in an empty prison cell: equally as useless as rotting on the floor, but marginally more entertaining.

Fig 2: Kokichi consciously using lies to entertain himself. His dissatisfaction with the lie appears to be unrelated to whether or not it was believed; I suspect this is because the claim was so mundane that convincing Shuichi of it wouldn't have been very impressive in the first place.

But what's actually fun about lying?

I think this constant need for entertainment is what motivates a lot of Kokichi's social behaviors, not just lying. But he clearly has a special relationship with lies in particular. I think this is partially because of his perception of himself as "fake" (in the literal sense), but more importantly because lies are a versatile, challenging, and (relatively) harmless way to get reactions out of people.

Lying poses creative and intellectual challenges: Introducing lies basically doubles the amount of social calculations required to participate in conversation [elaboration in note 8].

Lying creates artificial stakes by reimagining ordinary conversations as competitions. By playing a game of "how many times can I fool this person in one sitting?" he creates an internal motivation to engage in conversation and perform social behaviors convincingly (at least, for short periods of time). External pressures like “being liked” aren’t usually enough to motivate that.

Lying allows him to emotionally occupy extreme scenarios without actually creating extreme scenarios. If he wants to raise tensions high enough that he can actually feel them, lying is one of the less destructive ways to do so, because it's entirely verbal (including body language, that is) and thus avoids material risk/harm. Now that's not to say it doesn't hurt people [e.g. note 9]. In fact, that's often the point; I wouldn't call him a sadist in the traditional sense, but there is something gratifying about triggering twinges of guilt and empathy in yourself if you don't normally have access to those feelings.

All this to say, Kokichi's habitual small lies aren't driven by a desire to create genuine misunderstandings, or to make people do what he wants [note 10]. I think what he actually seeks from social situations is little bursts of catharsis from witnessing other people’s emotions, and the feeling of control or "winning" that comes solely from being able to deceive them and get those reactions. 

Going "it's a lie!" right after is a really important part of this. It's a punchline, a tiny power trip, a kind of "Bingo!" he can use to declare victory. He doesn't necessarily want people to believe what he said, he just wants them to know that he totally got them and he'll do it again. Because what’s even the point of coming up with all these lies if people are just going to believe them and obliviously move on?

Lying as satire

Finally, and I’ll admit my thoughts on this aren’t quite as fleshed out, but I almost imagine Kokichi's lies as a form of satire, given that one of the few things he seems genuinely (?) passionate about is his right to lie. That is to say, it means something to him, in addition to being internally rewarding. He's had to present a false persona of himself from day one, after all — but now that he's a self-proclaimed bad guy, there's a lot less pressure to do it well. Performing those social behaviors in random, nonsensical patterns, and telling lies that feel just as true as the "honest conversation" he's learned to fake... it's like a form of indignant social button-mashing. It doesn't really matter if his performance conveys a coherent image of a person or not, because it was always arbitrary to him in the first place, you know?

….And I think I'm just going to stop myself there before this gets any longer. Tysm for reading!!!! <3

Disclaimer

…Actually that was a lie, let me get on my soapbox real quick. I think it's safe to say this essay hinges on Kokichi having some form of neurodivergence, however you want to label it. Personally I see him as having some antisocial traits, but I didn’t want to make that a silver bullet, and I thought it’d make more sense to just take the specific traits I see in him and work backwards from there. With that in mind, I want to make it abundantly clear that I don’t mean to assign any moral value to emotions. I can’t say this headcanon is entirely based on my own experiences, but there's a reason I connect with it, and I don't think anyone should be judged or labeled inhuman for emotions they do or do not have.

Moreover, while I explicitly take the stance that his emotions are morally neutral, I am explicitly NOT taking a stance on the morality of his behaviors. My intention here was just to explain them logically. Between you and me, just trust that I'm a Kokichi enjoyer and I did my best to consider things from his perspective.

Credits

Game screencaps from justonegamr and JakkHearts on Youtube. Manga screencap from Mangadex.

I also want to plug this analysis by @/g0nta-g0kuhara — I'm honestly not sure how much of my analysis aligns with/borrows from theirs, but it's definitely one of the posts that informs my current understanding of Kokichi, so it'd feel weird not to at least mention it. Consider giving it a read!

Finally, shout out to @thedaythatwas for peer reviewing this meta!!

Footnotes

These were mostly off the top of my head, so if I got anything wrong, feel free to (again, nicely) point it out ^^;

 “Big lies serve a strategic purpose” Big lies are also what I'd call the "normal" type of lies, just like Maki's Child Caregiver lie, or Komaeda's fake bomb threat — they're meant to be believed and to influence people's decisions. Examples of Kokichi's "big lies": those he tells in order to impersonate the Mastermind (e.g. claiming he loves the killing game); lies to Miu (being oblivious to her murder plot) and Gonta (believing the Killing Game Busters is a good idea) for his Ch.4 scheme, and debatably DICE lies to protect himself and his Ultimate title (though for these I also think he just gets a kick out of trying to juggle such a big lie for so long).

“Small lies” An example of an "emotional" small lie is the times he bursts out crying; he's not necessarily making false claims, but his actions communicate feelings he doesn't have, and most of the time he'll follow up by reverting to a bored expression thus implicitly confessing to the lie. His claim that he can’t taste food is also a pretty good example of a verbal lie: it’s random, difficult to believe, and he immediately follows it up by saying he likes sweet and spicy things. (That last part was definitely intended to imply he was lying, but whether or not he was lying about lying depends on your hc… I personally choose to believe that he has a weak sense of taste and relies on “interesting” textures like carbonation, because I think it parallels my take on his reduced emotions in a fun way.) +++ For further examples, the majority of Kokichi's Salmon Team events are just him spouting random bullshit and then immediately taking it back.

"One line of evidence for reduced empathy/emotions": His thought process often reads to me like someone with low empathy; and his ability to rapidly switch between extreme emotional performances and total flatness suggests that, in his natural form, his internal reactions are either dull or don’t automatically reflect on his face. For example, when Kokichi "gets real" during trials, his expression often goes blank and he comes off as overly blunt/pragmatic (“Everything you said is total BS… You didn't give two shits about Tenko when she was alive." "How do you expect to find the culprit when you're all worried about each other's feelings?" "Why do you guys hate lies so much? […] And some of them are only white lies, or lies to be kind to people…") They're delivered flatly (voice/sprites, and phrasing to a lesser extent) and express frustration with people's hypocrisy around social norms. To me these are moments when he gets so fed up with the social dance taking everyone in circles that he has to step out for a second and drop the mask, even knowing that his true self will make people see him as inhuman. (I probably shouldn’t have to clarify, but for the record I say all this as someone with low empathy myself.) +++++ALSO: I want to credit @/g0nta-g0kuhara's meta for pointing out that Kokichi's expression goes flat in (different) honest moments - linked in credits above - although I ultimately interpret this in a slightly different way for his character.

"Some exceptions to the 'it's a lie' rule": His own thoughts and feelings, which are often kept ambiguous. Lies he doesn't need to retract because they're obviously false ("I hate liars!" or "I was born from the big tree behind Hope's Peak Academy..."). Small *non-compulsive* lies that serve a strategic purpose, like perjury to further the trials (though you could argue these too are "obviously false" and basically retract themselves after a moment of critical thinking; e.g. claiming he killed Angie (ch3), or debatably telling Himiko she mentioned the brick handrail (ch4) because he intentionally casts doubt over the lie by telling it very badly). And of course, he doesn't go back on his "big" lies or the lies that serve to support them.

“Compulsive lying isn’t the best way to impersonate the mastermind”: Although I think his lying is very connected to his boredom, and his boredom connects him to Junko Enoshima, I want to point out that he is unaware of Junko. To the viewers of Danganronpa 53, his behavior absolutely looks like the behavior of a mastermind… but there’s no reason for Kokichi himself to think that “someone pathologically bored who constantly switches personas” is the most believable caricature of the mastermind. I think that’s a coincidence that was engineered by Tsumugi, and from Kokichi’s perspective it’s just part of his personality.

"Tanking his credibility to mask his emotions": As some have pointed out, being constantly dishonest does make it easier for Kokichi to dismiss his own moments of vulnerability and keep his thoughts/feelings ambiguous (e.g. gracefully backing out of his love confession to Shuichi during the love suite by pretending he was joking. The idea that it's a prank is only believable to Shuichi because he already knows Kokichi likes to pull his leg in other ways). I don't disagree with this interpretation of Kokichi's lies, in fact it's a really fascinating angle and part of what makes interpreting him so challenging. However... I still don't think that's the ONLY reason he walks around telling people the sky is green. Its usefulness is pretty limited to cases like the love suite, where he's trying to 'test the waters' and back out if the first approach fails. A superficially similar example is when he cries for Gonta's execution and then whirls around with whole "I don't want to, stupidhead!" bit — he's not actually testing the waters here, because he never intended to go forward with the story 'I'm really sad about Gonta and I regret doing that;' even if you think the tears were real, the plan was always to retract it. What actually saves face for him here is the fact that he's able to stop crying and go on a straight-faced villain monologue afterwards — and all that was *required* to make that believable was his acting skills (admittedly helped by his "evil" reputation, but not necessarily by his "liar" reputation). In other words, I'm inclined to think it would have worked even if he had presented as 'honest but mean-spirited' up until this point. It's the same way Tsumugi can convince us in Ch.6 that she's evil and her grief for previous victims was an act, despite never having presented herself as a liar until now; Kokichi is lying about being a heartless villain, while Tsumugi (ostensibly) is not, but they have the same effect in the moment because their ability to switch rapidly between 'good' and 'evil' personas proves *in itself* that they're good actors, and that one of those personas must be false, regardless of how their honesty was perceived beforehand.

"Kokichi lacks emotional stake in other people": This is simply a headcanon I am positing because I think it has interesting implications for his relationship with lies. Please don't be mistaken when I say that Kokichi doesn't care about the people around him (all of the English words for "caring" are frustratingly ambiguous, in my opinion). I don't think Kokichi experiences "care" as an emotion very often, no, but that doesn't mean he can't take interest in people, have opinions on them, or "care about" them through his actions. Now, whether or not he actually does that.... is not the topic of this essay either!

"An intellectual challenge": To lie, you have to continually generate a false narrative (rather than just regurgitating the truth), you have to track which routes you've left open based on what you've already said, and you have to assess whether or not they believe you (...which are all similar to calculations you'd already be used to doing if you don't have empathy). If you want to win, you have to do all of this on the fly and do it really, really well. And once people know you're a liar, it not only gets harder to convince them of your lies, it also gets harder to convince them of the truth; once lies are introduced, the pressure to perform well pervades every part of the conversation. Of course, this is way more fun with bigger lies (like DICE lies, in my opinion), but the little ones still take a modest amount of effort (an amount he can afford to expend on a daily basis) and yield a much more immediate reward.

"Lying still hurts people": e.g. Kokichi accuses Kaede of strong arming everyone during the Death Road of Despair, then accuses everyone else of attacking her the following morning. This one is a complicated example because it was such an obvious lie that I really have trouble believing that he wanted anyone else to buy it (I really think the point was to annoy people and raise social tensions), but even though the lie was quickly pointed out, it still actually made everyone gang up on Kaede, to the point she leaves to cry in her room afterwards.

“Lying isn’t to make people do what he wants”: Again, I'm just talking about his everyday compulsive lying here. While he does use DICE related lies to make people do what he wants (e.g. make Shuichi hang out with him), I consider those part of his "big schemes" rather than his habitual behavior, since his claims about DICE are consistent, well thought-out, and long term. Not to mention, the veracity of those claims isn't too important to me, since he's already very transparent about the fact that he's trying to threaten people into doing his bidding in these cases.

[olgasaysso]

Nothing represents experiencing narcissistic parentification better than Buffy Summers' entire existence. (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

For context: narcissistic parentification is something children of people with narcissistic personality disorder overly experience. Parentification is when children are forced to take on adult roles in their households and have too many responsibilities at a young age. This can be emotional (like being a therapist for your parent) or/and logistical (having an overwhelming amount of chores or being forced to do things parents should be responsible). For narcissistic parentification, it will be both of these + the childs identity being molded towards what their parents like.

With that out of the way, my explanation:

1. When we first meet Buffy, she doesn't want to be a slayer. There is an adult man following her around and telling her how special she is. But she knows what follows - the responsibility. She never wanted to kill monsters or miss out on her teenage years, so she stays out of it. But they still make it her problem.

This is something I know I experienced and many other people, too. Your nparent will find a talent in you, something they will endlessly praise you for. Think Jennette Mccurdy, hearing from her mother about how talented of an actress she is.

This is something I know I experienced and many other people, too. Your nparent will find a talent in you, something they will endlessly praise you for. Think Jennette Mccurdy, hearing from her mother about how talented of an actress she is.

For me, I started working at my fathers company very young because of the threat that it would go bankrupt and we'll be homeless.

2. Once she starts doing the slayer work, we can quickly see though how unsatisfied Giles is with her. He has problems with almost everything she does. How she dresses, the fact that she has friends.

He and the whole watcher organisation aren't just happy that she's going along. They don't want her to just slay. They want her to be a slave. A machine even. Someone they can completely control and make her do whatever they want.

At the same time, they offer her no support. Although over the course of the show Giles becomes more active (and then less) in helping/protecting Buffy, something that is made very clear to us is that she is and always will be alone. It's also pretty rare for anyone in her vicinity to challenge that idea.

So, we have a bunch of adults who sit around doing very little, relying on a literal child to save them. And when she dares to express any kind of wants or needs of her own, she gets shunned.

Because slayers are special.

Slayers are supposed to act a certain way.

3. Her being a good slayer is not enough. She has to die for the cause.

And I think it's very ironic how later on, Dawn (effectively an extension of Buffy) is expected to die. And everyone, with the exception of Buffy (and Spike), was ready to sacrifice her.

4. By the end of her time in high school, people around her managed to completely destroy her sense of identity. She has completely given up on her future. She had no time or emotional strength between her having to save the whole world and being given challanges by the council that are supposed to kill her while constantly being questioned and not believed by the people closest to her (her mum but also Willow, Xander and Giles. It's a continuous thing in the show that she tells them about a monster, and they don't believe her. After a while, she gives up on telling them about her hunches). She never thought about her future, what she wanted to study. What kind of work does she want to do.

And let me be clear again, this is not willingly. At the start of the show, she wanted to have nothing to do with being a slayer because she knew it'll robb her of her future.

5. So when she goes to college and people around her completely abandon her while she's struggling.... the amount of rage I feel. After she went to college, Giles whole approach to her changed. He stopped being her watcher, even after she literally forced the council to start paying him again. (The fact that Buffy doesn't get payed and Giles didn't stick up for her is yet another thing I need to add. Because it makes her quite literally a slave.)

His whole demeanor can be summed up by "Figure it out, you're an adult now. I can't always hold your hand"

Which under other circumstances would be normal. Except this adult spend some of the most important years of her life sacrificing her life, love, future and everything important to her to make him happy. He owes her at least a bit of guidance after all this. Yk, especially since she continues to be the slayer and he still gets payed to help her.

She would also ask him for help in the most reasonable ways. Like helping her parent Dawn. Considering she's not her mother, has other responsibilities, is literally going through the worst time in her entire life while having the weight of the entire world on her shoulders, I think that's not an unreasonable request. For a grown man, who gets PAYED to take care of her, to step in as a role model for her sister, so she doesn't lose that bond (once you start parenting your siblings, you're no longer siblings. Parentification is a form of abuse that has long lasting effects).

The financial aspect is another thing. Whenever Buffy is struggling with something, everyone almost acts offended and like something is wrong with her, because she should be alright on her own and taking care of everyone around them. Everyone wants Buffy to help them but how dare she ask for some support?!

She should be getting paid by the council. She should be getting rent for these 2 useless witches living at her house. She should be getting compensation everytime Xander dares to open his hateful mouth in her presence to spew some judgmental bullshit after he tried to grape her in s1 and pretended like it didn't happen, manipulated and lied to her for years.

6. She is expected to die, but they can't even let her be at peace. Brough her back against her will, didn't dig her out, didn't care to pay attention to her to figure out that something was wrong. They just expected her to be happy and get back to saving their asses. What the fuck.

7. In season 7 (which I adore btw) Buffy finally figures something out. She owns her identity as a slayer. For the first time, she stops taking shit from people who would never take on her responsibilities.

She realizes something about evil. Which is: "Evil cannot create anything new, they can only corrupt and ruin what good forces have invented or made.” (J.R.R.Tolkien)

It's why the first evil never showed its true form. Not because it's too terrifying for anyone to handle. It's because it's true form doesn't exist.

It's why she calls the girl who hanged herself an idiot. And it's why she's right.

The meaning behind this quote is that the only way evil can win/prevail is when you let it. It has no creative powers. Every single terrifying monster was once a human. It's why Buffy doesn't listen to whining anymore.

It's why she expects people around her to step up. Because, let's be real. If so many of them are capable of evil things, they are also capable of good. And they can fight alongside her.

But once it gets only a little bit hard, they corner her and throw her out of her own house. None of this mfs actually beared any costs for it. HER HOUSE.

Why do they throw her out? Because they experienced a small % of fear, pain, and hardship she had to handle for years. Almost always on her own. And suddenly, they cannot trust her anymore.

I like when Anya tells her that they don't truly know of she's "better than them" or "special". Because it shows the insane duality of this dynamic of being a slayer.

She's so special and good she has to take care of all these things for everyone around her.

At the same time, they can always tell her she didn't earn any of it. Despite the fact that there is literally a second slayer in the room, who quite literally became a murderer and a villain while Buffy saved the world countless of times.

Also, although I enjoy Anyas character, the audacity of her to say this when she became a literal demon twice.

After all of this, after they treated her this way and trusted an inexperienced (in being good) Slayer who tried to steal her life and graped her boyfriend... she was right all along. She saved their asses.

And she didn't even receive as much as a thank you.

8. I could go on an on about this topic, but just a few points to add for now:

1. Willow and Xander (and everyone on earth actually) aren't entitled to Buffy protecting them and killing herself for the cause.

2. Although I'm not saying that every single side character was bad (I actually love many of them, just not in regards to how they treat her), they were all abusing Buffy in one way or another because they were benefiting from her exploitation and keeping her locked in her situation.

3. Buffy wasn't chosen to be a slayer by some divine intervention but by a group of old men, to terrified to fight their own demons. Relying on teenage girls to save them.

4. There's something to say about the fact that the whole supernatural world is kept a secret, although I'm pretty sure the council could easily make the world aware of the truth. I think this can be interpreted as a toxic family. There is one abusive family member, and everyone protects them and hides it because one person takes it on themselves. There wouldn't be such a need for a slayer, were people aware of what was happening. They would create ways to protect themselves.

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or a medical professional in any way. My credentials are: I experienced this kind of abuse and learned a lot about it. Also, pls, you don't need to tell me if you have npd and you're the kindest person in the world. I have no hate for you. This is about my own experience.

[pandemonini]

some rambling about nagi and reo's relationship because I'm bored

The discourse around these two is once again piping hot with the release of chapter 306. Originally I wanted to make a whole essay complete with exhibits about this but I honestly feel too lazy so I'm just going to go off in a rant instead. (Maybe I'll do the essay some day, though. They deserve it cause their relationship is more complicated and in-depth than most BL I've read).

I want to preface this by saying that as annoying as I find the whole biased pov issue between the fans of the two, this kind of thing isn't exclusive to the two of them when it comes to fandom. It's almost always the case that whenever there is a pair of flawed characters interacting, there is a tendency to have a bigger bias for one of them regardless of the actual canon interactions and whatever issues the two of them may have. But I will say that I find it more frustrating in this case because for once I can't even blame the author for being vague or inconsistent. Kaneshiro is Very clear and consistent with the way he writes these two more so than anyone else in the series imo, it's why they're my favourites, and then I'm like 'oh let's see what everyone else thinks' and then immediately regret my choice.

The thing about Nagi and Reo's relationship is that a lot of Reo's earlier actions, especially at the starting point of their acquaintance, would've come off way worse if Nagi was a girl. Showing up in front of his house unannounced in a fancy car, chasing him around school grounds, basically wearing him down into agreeing with him, none of that would've been okay if Nagi was a female character. When Reo says that he forced Nagi into playing football, it's obvious that atp he's become conscious of the fact that his earlier actions weren't entirely healthy approaches to interacting with someone and getting them interested in your hobby. And this is a more realistic viewing but it gets even worse when you consider their social standings, Reo being the scion of a billionaire while Nagi doesn't even have any family members around to protect him. But the general response to Reo actually apologising for those things was utter dismissal of the words, because Nagi himself disregarded them and only ever expressed gratefulness to Reo.

But here is the thing: as a reader, we're not always supposed to see things from the characters perspective, that's why we have literary techniques like dramatic irony. We, as the readers, are supposed to perceive that as a moment of reflection for both of them where they finally become transparent about their feelings. That Nagi disregarded that apology isn't proof that Reo didn't do anything wrong, because Nagi the character would not think that way. Nagi sees him as the light of his life, rightfully so because at the end of the day, the mistakes Reo made back then don't define their entire relationship, which clearly means more to Nagi than even football. That was always the case because what brought color to Reo's life was football, but it was Reo who brought color to Nagi's, football is just an extension of that.

It brings me back to what Nagi' voice actor said, about how Nagi ultimately feels more strongly about Reo than Reo does about him. This was ALWAYS the case, because the transactional nature of their relationship is something Reo established whereas Nagi was clearly becoming emotionally attached to him very quickly and very hard. And it's part of the really good nuances in their relationship that this isn't immediately obvious, owing to the way Reo is more expressive and passionate while Nagi is more stoic and subtle.

A lot of people like to point to that scene in the prequel chapter where Reo says Nagi is irreplaceable as a moment of foreshadowing, and they're not wrong about that, but they Are wrong about what this moment is foreshadowing, or at least the full context of it. Because the fact of the matter is that Nagi NEVER replaced Reo, so it couldn't be foreshadowing THAT. So what was the foreshadowing about? It's actually very obvious but it's the kind of thing a good chunk of fans like to overlook, and it's how Reo was ONLY talking about Nagi's value in the context of football, not about Nagi himself, as a person. He says, verbatim, that he would not have approached Nagi if it weren't for his football talent. What this scene foreshadowed is Reo's attachment to Nagi growing far beyond the boundaries of that quid pro quo situation--that the moment he felt that HE was being replaced, it mattered to him not because of the defeat he experienced, but because he lost Nagi Seishirou because of it.

I always loved the Second Selection arc because it would've been so easy for knshr to just reduce that situation to a pompous rich boy losing the toy he picked up, but instead he made sure to keep it more grounded, to treat the characters actually realistically: two teenage boys with wildly different yet so similar personalities ending up inevitably clashing because they never properly parsed through their feelings or established the boundaries of their relationship (which isn't exactly atypical for teenagers). But lo and behold, the fandom did all the work for him in terms of placing 100% of the blame squarely on the shoulders of one of them.

Going back to what I said about how this kind of situation where two characters are paired and then have a disagreement between them always being reduced to a mess of biased discourse, what I always hate about it is that it completely diminishes what I personally find most enjoyable when I read something, and it's character growth.

For all that the non-reddit dudebro side of fandom likes to call out the reddit dudebros for always just caring about who wins the most games and not about the characterisation, a lot of them seem to think the only maturing Reo had to do is him getting better at football and his self-esteem that ended up in shambles after the fallout with Nagi.

Which, okay, let's address that.

There is no arguing that what Nagi did then was WRONG and that he owed Reo an apology way sooner than he ended up giving it, but I also feel like we're not considering exactly WHY Nagi walking away hit Reo so hard. And again, I don't even know why there is a misunderstanding here when the text very straightforwardly explains an important reason for why Reo had a catastrophic breakdown was because this moment was the first time he had something actually taken from him, when all his life he was used to just owning whatever he wanted. And I have no idea why it has to be explained how that's a REALLY fucked up and unhealthy way of thinking about another person. We literally see Reo during that monologue thinking about all the awards and toys he would receive growing up, THAT is what losing Nagi is being compared to. When I say that their relationship was always complicated and they're always been flawed, I'm not talking about Reo being too unforgiving or potentially unreasonable. Reo had all the right in the world to be furious at Nagi for walking away like that, that was NOT the issue. Reo's fault with regard to that whole thing is that he himself established that relationship of mutual benefit (that's actually more to HIS benefit since Nagi had yet to genuinely enjoy football up to that point, he enjoyed being with Reo but that's something Reo didn't seem entirely conscious of) and then got angry when the person on the other hand didn't play by his unwritten rules.

And again, YES Nagi should've handled that better, but I genuinely believe that no amount of him gently explaining himself would've stopped Reo from freaking out. Because Reo inherently had that issue, stemming from his unhealthy family life where clearly his parents thought shoving material wealth in his face is enough affection on a normal Tuesday, where he tied his own value to ownership and to winning. It was always ingrained in his psyche that he is perfect, that he HAS to be perfect, and so Nagi leaving would've always been "Nagi is abandoning me to be with someone better" in his head and would've set him off. And that's where the self-esteem issues come from, that's why you don't just spoil your kids endlessly in a materialistic way. It fucks up their perception of normal human interaction.

(Sounds familiar doesn't it? It almost seems like Nagi and Reo parallel each other, sharing similar problems yet in contrasting ways.)

I don't have any grand statement to finish this off with other than that I don't understand how you can love Reo without paying attention to how he grew out of his very real flaws, that stripping him of those flaws and mistakes just takes away so much of the high that came with that emotional speech him and Nagi had when Nagi lost, why it was so significant to have him say the things he did. How the two of them came full circle to the very beginning of their relationship, the mistakes they made, and how much they meant to each other, and watching that culminate into another heartbreak because unfortunately that's also a normal teenage experience.

Neither Nagi nor Reo are master manipulators out to abuse each other. They both did objectively wrong things, the mistakes they made don't define their relationship but they didn't just go away with the wind either. They never started off the right foot, and in the toxic environment of Blue Lock, it was inevitable that it would come crashing down when Reo still didn't let go of his insecurities and Nagi still let fear keep him from fully embracing football and Reo.

Reo and Nagi didn't fail because they depended on each other. They failed because they never defined the nature of their dependence, never fully became in sync with each other, just enough to work briefly but end up bumping against each other and tripping at a critical moment.

(P.S. if you happen to see this and get mad that I mainly focused on Reo' faults in this, just go to any other tag to read someone bitching about Nagi. Trust me, you'll find them.)

[ryin-silverfish]

Nezha the Demon Child: oh god not the discourse

…I promise, this isn't about Nezha's age. No, really, it isn't.

It's about this idea of pre-resurrection Nezha as a "Demon Child", and good lord that's just as discourse-worthy isn't it.

My short answer is "It's Nezha 2019 specific and doesn't quite work outside of that context, if you are using FSYY's version of Nezha's backstory."

My long answer is this entire post.

First, I must define what I mean by "Nezha as Demon Child". It's the popular fanon inspired by 2019! Nezha, who is the Demon Pearl incarnate as opposed to 2019! Ao Bing's Spirit Pearl, after 2019! Shen Gongbao switched the two around, and thus destined to be destroyed by divine thunderbolts in three years.

In the movie, Nezha's demonic birth and out-of-control powers makes him into an outcast, despised by the villagers, and he retaliated with some pretty mean pranks.

But whereas 2019! Nezha's parents still love him and try their best to give him a good childhood in those three years, in the "Demon Child" fanon of JTTW adjacent works, Li Jing is the one who despises Nezha and sees him as a demon from the moment of his birth, and sometimes Jinzha and Muzha too.

Now, I have made it pretty clear before that I'm not a big fan of Li Jing. However, if we are just looking at FSYY novel, how much support can we really find for the "Demon Child" idea?

Well, for starters: there is only the Spirit Pearl/Lingzhu Zi in FSYY proper, who reincarnated as Nezha, destined to become the Vanguard of the Zhou Army in the upcoming War of the Investiture.

When Lady Yin gives birth to a ball of flesh after 3 years of pregnancy, two servants report to Li Jing that she has given birth to a demon. Li Jing rushes into the room with a sword and cuts the ball open, and a little kid jumps out and starts running around, and this is Li Jing's reaction:

李靖骇异，上前一把抱将起来，分明是个好孩子，又不忍作为妖怪坏他性命。乃递与夫人看。彼此恩爱不舍，各各忧喜。

Rough translation: "Shocked, Li Jing stepped forth and lifted him up into his arms; such a fine child. He could not bring himself to harm the child as a demon. Then he passed him over to his wife, and the couple showered him with affection, despite their individual joys and worries."

The next day, Taiyi showed up to congratulate him, asked about the timing of his son's birth, and basically went "Ah, crap." See, because the child is born at the hour of Chou, he is destined to break 1700 prohibitions against killing. Right after dropping that bombshell, Taiyi named the child Nezha, took him as his disciple, and just…left.

Soon, Li Jing got a report that 400 vassals had rebelled all over the realms, because prior to this, King Zhou had summoned his four major dukes to the capital, killed two of them, imprisoned one, and only left Chong Houhu the asshole bootlicker untouched, at which point the two dead dukes' sons promptly rebelled.

As Nezha grew to the age of seven, Li Jing was still conducting drills in case of an attack by the new Duke of the East's rebel army.

So what does it all mean?

Well…it sure doesn't support the idea that Li Jing despised Nezha because he still thought the child was a demon after cutting open the meatball.

He could plausibly be unsettled by the whole "break 1700 prohibitions against killing" prophecy, but instead of being abusive, I think it's more likely that he just neglected Nezha due to his duties as a general, leaving it entirely to Lady Yin to raise the kid.

Which is still not the best parenting, but with different implications for Nezha's character. Like, FSYY's Nezha gives me the vibe of someone who just doesn't quite understand social norms, or human behavior in general, or what a healthy degree of fear even feels like, and being outright despised or abused as this "Demon Child" would have taught him to fear things very quickly.

If he was indeed feared by Li Jing, it's less "suffer not the yaoguai!" and more "let's keep our third kid happy and ignorant and never let him out of the house again."

To use a fucked-up analogy…Nezha is less this dangerous hound that must be chained to a wall and whipped into submission, but a fine, powerful weapon Taiyi had left to them for safekeeping purposes, much like the Qiankun Bow & Sky-shaking Arrows sitting in their backyard building.

Perhaps he still isn't seen as his own person or treated like a regular, flesh-and-blood kid, yet it won't make sense for Li Jing or his older brothers to do the equivalent of spitting on this precious weapon or kicking it off the stands.

(Since Nezha doesn't even recognize Muzha when they run into each other during the Attempted Patricide Arc, my HC is Jinzha and Muzha both left home to study under their masters at a pretty young age, and rarely came back for visits.)

Like, I can still see Li Jing being this stuck-up and emotionally distant guy who only interacts with his kids to "check on their homework", so to speak.

Or Lady Yin coddling Nezha, partially because she wants to make up for Li Jing's absence, and partially due to the vain hope that, by sheltering her youngest child from the world, she might be able to shelter him from his very destiny too.

...

Here's where I go off a tangent: on a meta level, Nezha isn't a demon or an aberration of the natural order (which yaoguais are often seen as) either. This is very much informed by a Chinese essay called 由哪吒看《封神演义》的天命世界 that analyzed the character in relation to FSYY's view of Fate.

It is very well written and has given me quite the emotional damage (/hj).

Specifically:Nezha is destined to violate 1700 prohibitions against killing, not because he is "evil" or demonic, but because he's born to be an executioner carrying out the Will of Heaven.

He is the very embodiment of the "Peril" that is the War of Investiture, and thus must suffer through his own perils, to be ritualistically remade in death into a demigod-like warrior.

Much like how the Chan 12's participation in the War of Investiture is, in and of itself, a Peril, something they must endure and survive as the consequences to their causes——failing to sever the Three Corpses and breaking prohibitions, Nezha's suicide served as his Peril, a death that shall cleanse him of his guilt and satisfy the karmic laws while also fulfilling his destiny.

Everyone he killed in battle follows the same logic: they have violated taboos (more true for the Jie Sect immortals), gone against the impersonal, ironclad Will of Heaven yet paradoxically playing straight into Fate's hands, as their deification through death has proven——a Peril as well as a consolation prize.

To folks that don't buy into FSYY's view of Fate and think it's bullshit, or don't understand the logics of deification: an alternate and more "modern" interpretation of Nezha's suicide may be an attempt at finding freedom.

After all, what's a weapon's biggest act of resistance, but breaking itself?

After this, I'll never owe anyone anything again. My debts are repaid. I'll never see my mother cry. I'll be no one's son, no one's disciple, a blade that will never be sheathed and left to gather dust in the attic, obstructed, then blamed for doing what it's made for.

It also isn't as simple as he thought. Death, as well as freedom.

Looking back centuries later, he'll probably cringe at his younger self too.

This? This is what you think your destiny, or freedom from it, looks like? Dishing out death indiscriminately without understanding what it means and lashing out in a fit of rage——it doesn't make you a good warrior, or even a good weapon, just a mad dog!

Like, I think Nezha can be rightfully pissed at Li Jing's Asshole Arc after his death, while also gradually coming to a more mature and nuanced understanding of violence and his purpose during WOI.

Namely, as ironclad and undeniable as Fate is in FSYY, attributing everything to it is just an easy way to avoid the difficult questions and personal responsibilities.

And I feel like there are a lot of interesting potential in exploring Nezha's post-war arc, of someone who is born to be a weapon, who finds comfort and certainty in that purpose, suddenly having to become something else.

Not necessarily in the "learning to be human again" sense, moreso the divine equivalent of a veteran adjusting to civilian life, exploring the boundary between executioner and protector, while dealing with both the funny and messed-up implications of working alongside everyone he sent into the Investiture.

[noneorother]

All the music you didn’t hear: The Good Omens soundtrack is lying to you. *Part 1*

The Bonkers Meta Series part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

I so rarely get a chance to misuse my experience in classical music, but here we are. When I realized on my most recent watch-through of the series that the David Arnold score was brilliant, but also really wonky in some parts and I couldn’t put my finger on why, @embracing-the-ineffable suggested I listen to the album soundtrack to compare.

And when I tell you what I found hidden in there, you’re going to need Eccles cakes...

1) The Song is the Clue

So right up top we have this banger. The 12th track on the album is the orchestral backdrop to the scene in the Job minisode where Aziraphale reveals Crowley’s crow/goats. The duration is 2:22 (the only track with multiples on the album), and if you look at the track by itself it doesn’t mean much. But the song just before it is actually from this fucking scene:

You know, the one where there’s a song that’s a clue to a mystery. Except Clue is capitalised, and Aziraphale pronounces it. I’ve seen guesses that this is a reference to the movie Clue, but I would put a lot of money on the fact that we are supposed to read the title of the song currently playing at that moment in the show *as a Clue*, which is super convenient, because the word Clue is capitalized in the track listing. 

Seems like the overlords of Good Omens have a message for us : The song is the Clue. It’s what God wants. Cool cool cool. WHAT SONG?

2) Symmetry in all things 

Before I straight up tell you, we have to go back and look at season 1.

Now I’m far from the first to notice tons of parallels between the story, details and even lines in both seasons. It got me thinking that maybe there are some fun synch-up parallels between the two season’s soundtracks, seeing as they are both 6 episodes long. Here’s the end of S1 and then S2

Oh that’s a bummer, I thought to myself. 

They don’t even add up to the same number, or playtime, and neither of them is exactly 60 tracks. But do you want to hear a secret? S2 is actually missing 3 tracks on the album. And because there are 2 discs in S2 (cute), the numbers of the tracks start over again from 1. Remember how much God likes sevens? Check out where all the weirdness is happening in disc 2 (I’ve added the missing track listings in red to add context):

After checking each track with the show and listening side by side (for reasons that will become clear in another post) I can definitively say that there is something *very weird* going on at the end of episode 4. 

First is track 7, Zombie dressing room, which seems to actually reach over two distinct scenes of the photo evidence in the dressing room and then Shax in hell even though it only has one title.

But *between* these two scenes we get an eerily silent wine date with Aziraphale & Crowley.

There’s really no music or even sound here besides the dialogue and room tone (until after the cheers), and it seems like a very intentionally silent version of a ritz date from season 1.

My best guess is that we are supposed to divide that track into two tracks of 7, before and after the date to get a second track 7. Or maybe the silent one is missing music? The third track number 7 is the weirdest one. It’s this scene here, when Nina parks her bike, and Aziraphale parks the car at the end of S2E4.

If you take a close listen to the music, it’s a jaunty little piece, with an oom-pah base in 3 ⁄ 4 time. The thing is, this music does not exist in any Good Omens album. Please feel free to correct me, but I’ve tried to find any part of any song that this could even be a reprise of, and I Shazammed it to be sure it wasn’t anything else. This song does not exist anywhere except in this scene. (It quickly morphs into a reprise of the original theme once Nina leaves Aziraphale). It’s an invisible song.

So we have 3 tracks at the end of S2E4: a long one, a silent one and an invisible one. Only one of which is numbered 7, but that all fit into that place in the track listing.

Which, when we add the two extras to the original total of fifty-nine we get... sixty-one! Hey wait a minute.

How are we going to get to 62?

3) The real missing track. 

So the real reason we had to go back to the S1 album was because it contains the missing track that God is talking about. Let’s compare the last tracks on each album.

I’ve highlighted the mismatch between the in-show music and the album in S2, which means I had to add A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square back into the S2 album because guess what, it’s not in the S2 album. Even though it plays in the show. 

You want to know how not in the album it is? Amazon had to track it in the show as a season 1 song. They had to give Tori Amos credit for her song on Good Omens in the X-ray bonus features because that’s how not in the album this song is.

So my fellow beings, if the song is the Clue, then It’s what God Wants.

And if God wants a happily ever after with Aziraphale and Crowley on their own side, then by Job, I think Neil is going to give it to her.

-----------

And there's more where that came from! Part 2 coming shortly.