#because im not sure when my gender ends and when feeling different from other women becouse im a lesbian starts

[dogbrained-les]

Crap, I might not be as much of a binary woman as I thought I was

[rillette]

hi, asking on anon bc I think people are going to misinterpret my question…

how can someone be both genderfluid/genderqueer AND transfem? I know that being trans is the opposite of cis, so the person would ID as a woman despite being AMAB. I have no problem with that, all’s valid. I just don’t understand how someone can be transfem (not saying whether or not they get any surgery or hormone therapy bc I know it doesn’t matter) & be genderfluid…aren’t they already choosing a gender to present as? Also, when did Hal canonically come out as transfem?

hiiii!! so transfem doesnt specifically mean that a person identifies as a women! it just means that they identify more with femininity or that they're transitioning towards being more feminine. so someone can be both genderqueer and transfem, because they're transitioning/identifying more towards being feminine but they don't identify as specifically a women. AGAB doesnt really have a lot to do with it as anyone, regardless of their assigned gender, can be transfem if theyre starting out from a place of masculinity. again, i'm not the be all end all of queer people, im just a guy that posts hals boob on the internet. im sure if you ask 10 other queer folks they'll give you 10 different answers but this is what my understanding is. if anyone thats actually genderqueer, transfem or both wants to jump in and correct me feel free lol

when people are talking about hal being canonically genderfluid or transfem, 9 times out of 10 they're referring to these panels from spectre (2001) which is a fantastic comic run and everyone should read it. make of this what you will!

[booblywooblies]

im gonna post this here bc i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea on main

ive been thinking for a long time about why detransitioners are usually afab, and i think im developing a couple theories. the first one is i think its more difficult to be classified as a man, genuinely, than a woman. i know that seems immediately incorrect bc a big aspect of transmisogyny is denying transfems their womanhood but i think even if transphobes are calling transfems men they dont really mean it. theres been some talk about which trans people have "male privilege" and some people argue transfems do and the most common response to that is that even if transfems are not out they are not regarded as true men, theres something about them that people can pick up on as inherently queer that others them from manhood (sometimes, all of this is sometimes nothing is universal)

i watched a video a while ago about the "incel to trans pipeline" which was kind of about the type of incel that isnt so much concerned with the lack of sex so much as being a failure as a man and how theres a group on like 4chan or something that seek transition not because theyre trans but to escape the pressures of masculinity and i thought that was really interesting

i think that in some ways, despite all the bullshit women go through with being belittled and objectified and disrespected, there is maybe some comfort in being the "weaker" gender, and the more "desireable" gender.

something ive been dealing with that, i mean it hasnt really been a struggle bc i enjoy men even when they are fat and greasy and hairy so im down with being that. theres something thats very weird about losing like, a certain pool of attention i guess. ive been hit with the realization that i will never be attractive to straight men again, and like thats a good thing because i wouldnt want them to see me as a woman im also kinda sad about it? like it feels like im losing a kind of power, even if its not a real power that has any actual use to me

and i probably dont even have to mention how intimidating it is to present myself to the world as a real man, especially when im 5 foot nothing and have H cups. like one thing when it comes to trans men that EVERYONE says about them is they are either basically only men in name, hanging on to their girly habits and interests in a way thats cringy and annoying, or they, in an effort to distance themselves from the first one just adopt toxic masculinity and beef up their own image of themselves by being more misogynistic

and obviously the first end is more on the people putting them down than the guys who are like that themselves, but thats what im really afraid of, ive already experienced being put down for my interests as a girl, the idea of being denied my real gender for any of that stuff is terrifying. and like, its kind of inherently misogynist to want to escape fully from femininity isnt it? and i do value anti-misogyny more than i do masculinity, thats definitely true in my heart. but it sort of feels at odds with each other, its hard to want to be a man, to seek approval as a man, to care about women being taken as seriously as you want to be taken, and to not put anyone down in your path to get there.

like if i wasnt so committed to it, if i believed this was ACTUALLY more in conflict than i really do, i could see myself as having a responsibility to not transition. im sure a lot of people have a different reason for doing that but i think it makes sense that so many afabs detransition because masculinity can break people.

and like BIG BIG BIG disclaimer, im not thinking about detransitioning, i dont think masculinity is inherently toxic, im gay and i have a cis husband, i think men are cool, i think women are cool and i like them a lot i respect them. im just inspecting this because i was not sure why it happens and i figured itd be in my best interest to figure it out, i think i have, i think its difficult and complicated but doesnt apply to me.

im transitioning bc it feels good and i have a man fetish 👍 and no one can stop me motherfucker

[skrunksthatwunk]

your thoughts on goromi and kazumi? :3c

ok sorry it took me a day to respond it's because when i saw this (and periodically afterwards when i remembered this ask) i legitimately just (out loud, late at night) went

GOD. FUCK. GOD I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVE MY GENDERQUEERS AND I LOVE MY TRANSVESTITES AND MY TRANS PEOPLE AND MY DRAG ARTISTS I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

because i didn't know how to verbalize this image that appeared immediately in my mind but which i also had to make myself

literally any of those interpretations of goromi and/or kazumi are incredible gorgeous scrumptious. i was gonna end it there but i gotta reiterate some things actually oh my god i love them so so much

i figured out i was genderfluid right before i first played kiwami so goromi literally changed my brain chemistry

like i don't think i CAN put it into words how much goromi means to me. she's incredible. what the fans have done with her is incredible. i never finished it but i was planning on making a massive post on my relationship with gender and goromi and what she means to me but i can sum it up. im gonna (numbered) list some needs and then talk about how goromi hits each one. (so like 1-4 (general) then 1-4 (goromi))

i have never encountered nor heard of a genderfluid character within canon media. not even a character that uses multiple pronouns. the closest situation to it are shapeshifters, and even then their other genders are more like disguises than "openly same person just different gender/expression", so it doesn't scratch that itch for me and i never really related to them much, nor to even the occasional fictional nonbinary person. i didn't really relate much to transmasc people and their experiences either. honestly, the stuff that grabbed me most were transfem stories, which i didn't understand because im afab (turns out im transfem AND transmasc. i know that's unconventional but you're just gonna have to trust me on it bc im not elaborating rn <3). it's not as if i don't have transmasc-typical experiences or feelings, but it's like. it's different. hell my genderfluidity doesn't even present very much like what I've seen from other ppl. what the fuck. so basically no man is an island except for me okay.

when i go into media expecting queer rep, i tend to be underwhelmed by it. im not sure why exactly, but i tend to enjoy non-canon stuff more for whatever reason, even as i yearn for actual representation. the result of this is that the rep i tend to be most affected by is stuff i stumble into on accident, canon or not, so my expectations/feelings develop more naturally. it's not an exact science, but it's there.

(i think some of the aforementioned issue also comes from the ways rep is done. like maybe they're sapphic, but they're usually both cis and gender conforming (not even gay-looking femme either, like. cishet normie style. hallmark type gay, for lack of a better term) and neurotypical, so their experiences are vastly different from mine. i just tend to latch onto them less than I'd like (i imagine this goes even more for poc because oh my god is (western) sapphic . media like. very very white). basically, i lack investment in them because they lack the texture i need to get a foothold in it)

one of the main problems i have faced as a genderfluid person is a lack of direction in regards to transition. I've never seen it talked about but there's no way for me to ever get a body i am going to be consistently satisfied with, given current technology. the best i can do is try to straddle several common gender demands and compromise between them. if i want to cut my hair, i have to live with it tomorrow, when it might give me dysphoria. if i take hormones, it'll be slow to take and slow to stop. surgery is permanent. it's not that there's no solutions, but i just. can't be the person i want to be at all given moments, or even most of them, because doing anything at all takes from something else. and so when the closest thing we have to genderfluid rep is shapeshifters, it doesn't feel like rep to me because it's a completely unattainable fantasy, and one that disregards one of the primary issues i face given my identity, one I've never seen represented

I've never seen a character that a significant amount of people headcanon as any kind of genderfluid or multigender. i don't really know that many people with such identities either. so even within fandom spaces, where queerness can be more evident/daring, it's a rare thing to see, and never reoccurs within the same character much

im not gonna lie i just really like majima in general okay. and kiwami hyped me up so hard on its queercoding so any little thing got me howling and crying and pointing vigorously.

speaking of which i FUCKING LOVED YAKUZA back then (still do <3) but i literally knew no one who played it and didn't engage with it online other than scrounging pinterest (which was rough but also shoutout to that comment on a majima post that was like "so there's this he/she 😳" you literally actually changed my life and also made me soo so much more transgender. lime it was already there but it got multiplied. thank you i would actually kiss you in real life mwah) so like any queer rep that's good or close enough is gonna rock my world. I'd already talked to rina (that sapphic hostess) and kiryu saying gay rights and her talking about her actual issues was fucking. i cried actual tears over that man it meant a lot to me. not the point rn though

okay i think that's enough. here's how goromi engages with these points

look idk what it is but goromi FUCKS gender wise. big scary gruff nasty yakuza man in the streets, absolute BABE in the sheets. she's gender nonconforming as fuck and she's. god i love her. she's so interesting, the way she's both a disguise and fully just majima for real in a way the other disguises aren't. like she puts so much more design and thought and personality into goromi's clothes when she coulda just gone to party city and grabbed Hostess #1 y'know? she's the same person, but her mannerisms change in ways i relate to. it's intentional and it's not intentional and i love her she's complicated and again gnc femininity is actually super my jam apparently so that's it that's the itch scratched. more in point 4

full disclosure i technically knew about goromi beforehand and was very prepared to fall in love with her, like heart racing clearing my schedule kinda prepared, and i wasn't disappointed. i wasn't expecting it to be like... so good, y'know? like i got my hopes up, i just was kinda also bracing for something queerphobic to happen (which can happen, but it didn't for me), and instead the encounter was really affirming and tender and wonderful and romantic and i really fucking liked it ok. maybe she wasn't supposed to be more than a gag character, i don't know. but there's a lot of genuineness in what she says and how she acts. she feels real, she makes sense like this, and im not alone in seeing that significance. and people took it and ran with it beautifully, because they found something meaningful in that (see 5)

it helps that i was already really invested in majima as a character. he has a LOT of texture and frankly this series can't write or treat its women well so like. we'll make one i guess (transes your fave). a lot of female characters (and a lot of mainstream queer ones as well) tend to be kinda sanitized in certain ways, or just don't have a lot of room for personality elements that could be divisive or non-marketable, if that makes sense. they can't be "ugly" or "annoying" or "cruel" or "gross" or "bitchy" or anything else. my favorite female characters are ones that are allowed to be weird and unpalatable!!! they're wonderful!!!! let women be shnarsty 2k23. and goromi is anything but bland <3

this one's big. goromi has to wake up tomorrow and be a patriarch. she has to keep her men in line. for all the confidence and glamor of the butterfly of the night, she's gotta take it all off tomorrow. maybe when she's not ready for it. maybe she can't do all the stuff she want to with her presentation because of her job, or because she's predominantly guypilled, or whatever. a lot of it for me comes down to her goatee. it's not just that she's gender nonconforming (though that reading is in and of itself deeply refreshing), it's also that she may face some of the limitations in expression that i do, in a way I've never seen expressed before. she has to pick and choose. is she gonna want that goatee tomorrow? is it worth it to shave it off only to feel weird without it? is it worth the time it takes to grow it back? she's no shapeshifter, and it can very well cause her problems. but she still radiates beauty and confidence, y'know? i love her :)

this one's really important too. i have never seen so many people see my (often OUR) experiences in a character like this before. she's WIDELY headcanoned as bigender, genderfluid, etc, and people love her so much. i am not alone in loving her for very gender specific reasons, and the fan content I've seen really resonates so much with me. sometimes when im down I'll just... dig through goromi content. she's a great pick me up, even when her stories aren't completely happy. the myriad ways people interpret her and her identity and how/when it came to be, the self discovery, the confidence, the insecurity, the compromise, the vulnerability!!! the GENDER. (god the outfits they put her in. stop im already dead. im so endeared to her you have no idea. but you probably do and THATS the magic, baby) i have found solace and camaraderie and belonging in people's content of/for her, and im not alone. seeing that passion and excitement is so profound to me, even more so than it usually is with art and community and fan spaces (which is already a lot). when i mentioned i was making a "what goromi means to me as a genderfluid person" post (the one that got scrapped oops lol), someone responded saying they, as a bigender person, also really loved goromi for that. it meant a lot to me to see. genderqueer readings of goromi are obviously not universal and there's for sure transphobia within the rgg fandom, but I've never seen such a large force of people united in not just a trans interpretation, but a genderqueer AND genderweird interpretation. WE THE GENDERFUCKS LOVE HER IS THE POINT

not much to say here besides: this is why marginalized rep matters in all media (rather than just designated gay zones), because seeing it grow/appear in media that means a lot to you makes you feel like you're being seen as a fan. you matter and are a part of that world. i think it especially makes sense as part of a big/long running franchise as well, as a part of adapting to a changing society and an acknowledgement of past gaps and work to correct it. it's also good to get a wide variety of voices and experience portrayed, and that's easier when more people are doing it.

related to above but this one's short but it's one thing to have a side character in an rgg game be queer and accepted, and it's another for a main character to be so queercoded, and accepted within canon, at that. i think that's part of why people care so much about how mine's lines and story are translated and depicted, as well, though that's another tangent for another time

umm other goromi points speed round

number one i have SUCH a big lllllllesbian crush on her oh my god. i love womne. two the visual art these people make of her is insane. like they UNLEASH. three the fan writing surrounding her is also so good mwah thanks y'all four i watch the goromi all answers somewhat frequently fun fact about me five if any character is getting a shrine in my house it's her. kiryu's a second. i need to see this woman all the time im not fucking around six her voice is soooo pretty to me seven why did they put her in the worst lighting in her intro. not important she serves always but that was really strange like she's pretty don't be scared of it. embrace it seven 80s goromi content drives me insane I've posted about it before but it's so fuckinf good eight t4t kazumaji is always going to be incredible and flavors where goromi exist are impeccable. same for saemaji. equality nine i love how she screeches and cackles and wears "gaudy" clothing i love how instead of trying to be the "perfect woman" she's like fuck it im gonna be myself it's like that post about that trans guy who wants to be one of those men who's house has a bunch of disassembled cars in its yard just loving the mundane and the unconventional or unconsidered elements of gender because it feels so good to explore that even if others take it for granted ten HARUKA + AUNT GOROMI CONTENT >>>>>>>!!!!!!!! eleven i love women and i love queens and i love queers uhhh i think that's most of it for now

kazumi time

i also love women. i love kazumi. i love her so so much. much like goromi there's a handful of ways to interpret her identity-wise and they're all fantastic.

something I've noticed about the series while trying to scheme up sapphic/"genderbend" (i mean it's? not the most accurate term but it's as close as i can get. "sexbend but they're cis" is i guess also it but like. they don't have to be cis? anyway) content for these characters is that a lot of the ways they live their lives and express themselves are very tied to a particular kind of masculinity. so like, take kiryu. kiryu's pretty gender conforming, and his job is to be a big strong man who protects the weak. he's expressed feeling pressure due to gendered expectations before. how would one go about an "everyone knows she's a woman + transphobia is not relevant (i.e. a cis woman kiryu or i guess just. really early transition kiryu? idk)" version of her? because she would not have these same expectations living as and being seen by the world + the yakuza as a woman, right? is she gender conforming, or gnc? is she butch or nah, i guess. and i think majima's relationship to goromi has some overlap, with like,, how he is only able to do yakuza things as a man and fun girly stuff as a woman, how she's an outlet/persona (or everyone just thinks she is).

this is to say that people seeing goromi (as she's allowed some wiggle room by being both more mischievous/deceptive and queercoded in a more feminine way) and seeing her and kiryu's dynamic and going oh bitch. it's makeover time and pulling him in is GREAT because it's fun and hrngh women sexyhot but also fascinating in regards to like,, how kiryu as a character relates to gender. I've seen a few interpretations (namely @squishylemonbubbles ) that view kazumi as a sort of way to put the sword and shield down and just... be. be taken care of, even. to be softer in ways she can't be as a man due to her environment. and i LOVE that shit. and then some people are like idk she's a bad bitch though let her have some gender too and that's ALSO GREAT. i like it when people explore her with goromi as a guide/catalyst, though i think it'd be cool to have her do things a little more independently of goromi/majima/kazumaji stuff just for the sake of it. i love her. people should draw/write about her way way way more often and maybe just exclusively from now on and i think maybe I'll be satisfied. i should do that too

bonus thought: we should do this for way more yakuza characters. you're telling me NO ONE has done saejima yet. I've never seen her. no daigo no akiyama no ichiban etc (i was gonna say nishiki but i actually HAVE seen hostess nishiki..... once... <3). c'mon. t-boy swag/drag king haruka also has a lot of potential but i think ppl never do it partially because there's no women in this series so like. endangered species

anyway im not kidding i actually was derailed for a while just going OUHOUUUGHHH I LOVE WOMEN when i first got this and it was a delight getting to answer this, thank you x (also sorry it was so long? anyway im gonna edit this and link to some of my goromi and kazumi content, of which there is too little, because i love them so so so so much. ok bye)

(ok here's some of my goromi and/or kazumi posts. some of them are old and im not proud of them all anymore but that's okay. they may not much but they're honest work. in approximate most recent -> least recent order)

NEW and referenced in i think the tags of this post: 80s goromi kazumaji disco meet cute (meet ugly? tbd)

misc doodles ft 80s goromi AND girlboss nishitani

goromi pink truck dialogue

squishy's kazumi design 1 (ft goromi and haruka)

squishy's kazumi design 2 (but it's just kazumaji this time)

she was a boy and he ate. worms

screaming into the void about drawing kazumi

^^similar but for goromi (actually im redrawing this atm bc i never posted it)

80s goromi text post

another goromi wip i didn't finish oops lmao

wigless goromi wigless goromi

goromi kiryu post-fight printcircle

misc goromis

aunt goromi

unfinished wip teaser i was super confident about and then never finished oops lol anyway it's more goromi

[redheadbigshoes]

do you think even as a non lesbian i could experience “comphet signs” (idk how to phrase it otherwise sorry), even in sexual fantasies, i sometimes imagined myself as the man with a woman, but i have no desire to identify as a man just to make that clear, i figured out my gender identity lol, i can relate to some, i picked one of my crushes, i literally have no celeb crushes on men, i don’t like the idea of dating a man, more so in theory, but when the interactions with men escalate to the point where it’s more than just him validating me i literally get so stressed out, i don’t have that with women, i mainly like girls i already know, my close friend was my first girl crush i recognised and there were two other girls that i knew and talked to one at camp one at school but wasn’t as close with them.

back to the topic, i relate to some signs of comphet, but then i also am unsure if i like men, i don’t necessarily feel disgust when it comes to men in general (at times sure cause theyre men), but apparently you don’t have to feel that as a lesbian, i’ve tried picturing myself with the perfect men, but in my mind that relationship is platonic, like i fear i think im a lesbian because i don’t have many great marriage role models in my life or a great father model.

i also am unsure if crushes (unsure if they were crushes on men but let’s just call them that for a moment) on men and women are supposed to feel this differently, many bi people say it’s different for them that it’s not always as intense etc, but men really stress me out, like compared to my girl crushes, my girl crushes always feel nicer, i get butterflies but the nice kind? with men it’s more anxious, for some reason. But at the same time i don’t feel like the crushes on men are performative like some do, i do daydream and such, mainly the scenarios are him being overly or just protective of me and in sexual fantasies i’m mainly degraded by them.

idk if this asks makes sense, i genuinely cannot tell if what i feel for men is attraction or just deep deep comphet, cause honestly i fear it could be the second one, but i also could be bi, like some bi people choose not to date men 🤷‍♀️ soo if this doesn’t make sense at any point i can just clarify it in the ask again!

I get what you’re saying.

When we say lesbians are the only ones (perhaps us and strictly aro/ace women) who can experience comphet, it’s more in the sense of we’re the only ones who experience “fake attraction” to men. Someone who is genuinely attracted to men doesn’t experience this because they are attracted to men so their attraction isn’t fake.

However that doesn’t mean comphet cannot affect other women somehow. It can affect bi sapphics, pan sapphics, aro/ace women, even straight women. When it affects them it’s more in a sense of centering men in your life. It’s thinking it’s inevitable to end up with a man, it’s thinking you’re less valid if you’re not in a relationship with one, etc…

From the things you said it is very possible you’re not attracted to men.

A sapphic who’s actually bi and is choosing to not date men would probably not pick her crushes, when it comes to thinking about men sexually/romantically they probably feel something positive.

Not feeling anything at all when you’re trying to tell whether you’re attracted to someone or not IS NOT attraction. A lot of people think you must be disgusted to mean you’re not attracted to someone but that’s not necessarily what happens sometimes.

Anxiety (the bad kind, not butterflies) isn’t normal when it comes to someone you’re supposed to be attracted to.

[sara-likes-things]

I'm gonna preface this by saying I have no problem with representation. I love queer stories, especially when they're organic and natural. I'm bi, and I've had fulfilling relationships with women as well as men. Honestly, I would love a spin-off on Brimsley and Reynolds. It didn't feel.....forced. the characters were new and their story grew organically. Michaela? No. I'm trying to articulate how I feel without sounding like I hate the queer community because I genuinely don't. I appreciated Benedict's story line even if it was a little jarring. He's exploring, experimenting and that's fine. It still doesn't take away from his story. But the introduction of Michaela felt like a guy punch. It felt wrong. I've never particularly like gender swapping in stories based on an original IP, because it changes a lot of dynamics. It changes a lot of story lines. And yes, it's fiction, but I'm sorry I cannot get over it, especially when it's such a blatant case of pandering. It makes me feel as if I'm wrong to question this change and I've somehow internalised homophobia. If so, then why wouldn't I hate other queer characters or be similarly uncomfortable?

Okay I think I can make my argument clear with an example. If anyone has seen the movie Love Lies Bleeding, I think they'll get it. The sexual orientation of the characters didn't matter. It felt right. And it was not important to the story. It was just an established dynamic and we could enjoy the plot easily. It wouldn't have mattered if it was a heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple, the story is largely unchanged. If Michael becomes Michaela, here's the issues I see. Who inherits Kilmartin. We've already established an estate will go to the next male heir if the current owner dies. A major part of Michael's story was his guilt over his inheritance and his imposter syndrome. His story arc taking his place in parliament. It's all gone. I mean, I know the show isn't interested in the plots other than the main character pairing but this felt so wrong. If they wanted a lesbian lead, the just make another show with original characters why force this? I'm not looking forward to Francescas season at all. I'm sure a lot of people will like it and that's their prerogative but for me, personally, the only thing keeping the story moving forward is Benedict. Maybe Eloise. But I feel like the story of the show has lost its charm and has dug itself into a hole like Disney or marvel

I can see why you feel that way, for me its kinda like that but more so how they went about it.

I dont mind the gender swap but hate the way they went about it, diminishing the relationship francesca has with lord killmartin when they spent all season saying to violet and us how love stories are different but that doesnt mean theyre not as good but then go and do exactly the opposite??? I think if instead of francesca michaela reacted the way fran did then it would be less jarring because at the end of it its the same dynamic, but making fran react like that after just getting married means she doesnt really love lord killmartin as much as she told her mom and thats a problem.

Also i think the problem with the gender swap its that it doesnt really work with the overall story of francesca haha like if they wanted to gender swap one character there was sophie or maybe try that change with eloises story, you know, stories were someone getting pregnant isnt necessary.

I do believe bridgerton has lost some of the aspects that made it so good, the production feels cheaper and the writing too modern and simple, it feels like another show but even if im not that excited as before i know im gonna keep watching so 😐

[tokyopewpew]

Veilguard Breakdown Pt 2

Going deeper into each companion, their quests. Factions, Cameos, and some writing stuff. SPOILERS ABOUND, read at your own risk.

These are still mostly chronological notes reacting real time to quests and characters:

I had some HOT opinions on some early game stuff. Solas' comment on abhorring blood magic, some comments on the elves and how the Veil Jumpers were so on board with denouncing their gods. My finger shot up to "well actually" very quickly but I kept playing and they addressed them. They clarify like a little later and I think that's something I and a lot of other people have gotten bad at: being patient with writing.

Now don't get me wrong, there is a lot of bad writing out there that won't address stuff that is important.

But we gotta trust sometimes that we won't get a wall of exposition right away. That we'll get a line that makes us go, huh that's interesting I want to know more about that. And wait five minutes to naturally come back to it.

AAAAAAAA INKY SHOWS UP! Pretty early! Happy to see them so soon!

BACK AND SO COOL I LOVE THE DIALOGUE BEING A LEADER BEING A HERO

BITCH SHES GETTING DRAWN AS THE GENERAL SHE IS!! SAVING SOUTHERN THEDAS. (I did not disband the Inquisition. I had a Solavellan inquisitor which by the end of Inquisition is fucking beat down into playing the role of The Herald, which I like as a mirror of Solas and his mask of Fen'Harel.)

Damn Solas being a catty sexy sassy bitch saying he tortured a bitch with rumors and laughter. Note from later: THE FUCKING ROLLERCOASTER THEY ROCK YOU ON

everyone is def less bitchy than previous games and not dealing with as much overt racism. Not having a base in “the real world” removes some of that. But despite taking place in cities, not seeing alienages or acknowledging that makes it super different. I’m sure it’s something people will criticize but im ok with Thedas being Nicer™️. Companions are less bitchy but there is tension and conflict but it is like. communicated and resolved super easily. Which i know it’s maybe fun for Alistar and Morrigan to fight and argue but you have to have a character like Morrigan to do that. There aren’t really any catty bitches on the squad. This is a group of professionals hired on a job. They all feel more like coworkers than a found family. Like DA:2 as a group gave me anxiety they would shit on each other so much like you guys should not be friends.

Don’t know what the beef people have with the dialogue. It all works fine for me.

Taash’s gender stuff is a little fast. Baby’s first gender story but it’s still good. They are appealing to wide audience. Still nice to see. I love Maddie’s Mini on tiktok’s comment that like the qun’s gender roles are so progressive they wrap back around to being conservative. Men and women have distinct roles and they WILL trans your gender to fit them. So Taash being non-binary is like the one way to be difficult for her mom to understand about gender.

Solas was a spirit! Imean they all were. with lyrium bodies?? ok guess that’s why y’all are immortal. ugh i love all that implies. He hates having a physical form but learning to love all the sensations that come with it. The body is joy but also horror. The miseries too but food, touch, smell.

omg so cute when harding moved a rock she shakes her hands in the air like woo i did it!

wow took awhile to remember to write notes (I played like 15 hours forgetting to do any notes)

Interesting mix of companion quests! Funny I did the Formless One dragon first so now every subsequent dragon fight has been a breeze.

Harding’s personal quest was an easy choice: push for compassion. She’s so nice. Bellara’s final choice felt disconnected from her “omg it’s my BROTHER” lines. and Neve I didn’t really have a say because i didn’t help Minrathous. I think i got her to be a defender of Dock Town?

Taash and Emmerich’s both are the best, most emotional and RP wise, hardest choices. while I didn’t give a fuck about these side boss characters, Taash’s emotional end with her mom was very impactful. Hezzenkoss’ giant skeleton was super cool visually and MANFREED. I chose to revive him because idk. I think when we’re fighting against immortal gods it’s hard to be like yea do that too Emmerich. But it’s still sad and either way he’s having to confront loss and mortality?? So either way is bittersweet which is GOOD WRITING. Cannot believe people choose lich romanced Emmerich.

Davrin’s quest was very satisfying too! It also felt like an easy choice to have the griffons start a new legacy since that is nice symmetry to his own storyline.

loved getting to run around Villa Delamorte locked in with a romance to Lucanis like wait a second this is… your house? This. Is your house. YOUR house. ok ok ok like fuck i’m a backwoods elf treasure hunter wtf and having to meet Catarina again but now as like. Her favorite grandson’s romantic partner. Neither choice for his felt particularly impactful. Maybe if they killed Illario and not just imprisoned him? I think i picked his based on armor tbh. The only one I did that for.

Yay to my inquisitor and rook having a drink together! I do love my Lavellan but Rook is like girl, stand up. Oh my god. (But internally, oh my god I love the dialogue ugh)

Very tame romance scenes (I took this back by the end. I appreciate the ramping up in the final fight and Lucanis only being able to get some comfortable sleep with her there is… oh so good. They have such an interesting dynamic. Babysitting Spite. Will write more in fanfic to explore it). Their lead up was very unromantic.

THANK GOD NO HARD TIME WITH THE GRIFFONS!!! They survive without blight!! Kind of a stupid choice tbh why not have them both get some gryphies? In the forest and the wardens? also rip but i’m hoping the wardens won’t be around much longer

[cumberbatchedandproud]

@rumpleteasa Im wondering if Dongsik’s misplaced chivalry as you put it has to do with the fact that its only been women that have been victims, so he has reason to have that extra sense of overprotectiveness towards the women he loves in his life. Then Minjeong dies and that kind of solidifies it for him, that he’s right to be that extra bit of protective to Jihwa and Jaeyi. @vindicated-truth Oh for sure, it's part and parcel of it. The misplaced chivalry isn't necessarily mutually exclusive to his understandable concerns over a gender-based violence. I'd even go so far to say that part of the reason why Joowon doesn't have that gender bias against asking for the women's help is because he doesn't have the deep-seated love for them (yet) borne out of a long history of relationship, the way they do with Dongsik. Which is again as I've always said is part of Joowon's strength (and weakness, when taken to the extreme): it's precisely because he doesn't have attachment to people that he has a more objective relationship with them. With Dongsik in particular, I do also believe that is not *only* his concern over the gender-based serial killing that is the reason for his misplaced chivalry, because he's always acted this way even with Minjeong. I mentioned it in detail in this post: (https://vindicated-truth.tumblr.com/post/7578) how Dongsik has shades of that overprotectiveness in Minjeong similar to that of Do Haewon's over Jeongje's. Again, it's also because (as he's demonstrated when he roughed up that man Minjeong was with) he knows the kind of gender-based violence women like Minjeong have to deal with, so that is of course part and parcel of it. But as I've also mentioned in that post, his overprotectiveness also failed to take into + @striving4mikey One more point lol. I would like to point out as part of the partnership between Dongsik and Juwon, Dongsik also has the chance to feel something he hasn’t in a long time: safe. He trusts Juwon not only to protect himself but also HIM. Which is something he hasn’t experienced since his mom was healthy. And that makes Juwon stepping in front of that gun so much more powerful @vindicated-truth Oh I love this point so much 🥹 And isn't that what Joowon finally feels like? Home. 🥹 Where Dongsik can finally allow himself to feel truly safe. And that also makes me remember too—the word for "home" in my native language literally translates to: "a place where you can stop crying." And I think that's what Joowon symbolizes for Dongsik too: someone who has finally ended his misery of injustice, after 21 years. Safety and peace. That's who Joowon is to Dongsik. (Filipino. ❤️ The Filipino word for “home” is “tahanan”, which comes from the word “tahan”, which means “to make someone stop crying”—similar to the way a mother would to her crying infant. ☺️ I just think that’s a perfect word to encapsulate what Joowon is too, to Dongsik. ❤️) @rootofallevil I like the most that part about Dondsik being safe with Joowon, my god, yes. He's strong and capable and - willing - to protect Dongsik in every way. Shield him fron hell. Hold him when he cry. Bear everything with him. I love them both and how good they can be for each other. @vindicated-truth And isn’t that what love is about? What being home is about 🥹 When you can finally let down all your walls before this person, knowing you can allow yourself to be weak with them. There’s a quote by M.J. Fields that says: “Falling in love is like giving another person a loaded gun pointed right at your heart and trusting them to not shoot you.” And it’s so remarkable that with Dongsik and Joowon, it’s not only figurative: it’s LITERAL. And a belated realization of a clearer symbolic juxtaposition of the difference between Dongsik and Joowon with the women: During the car chase with Lee Changjin and Han Kihwan, Dongsik made sure he was with Jihwa still and that he was also the one driving instead of her, symbolic of how he’d (literally) take the wheel for himself so Jihwa wouldn’t have to, ensuring that Jihwa is beside him to watch over and protect. Contrast that to how Joowon left Jaeyi to her own devices, trusting that she’s fully capable of chasing down Han Kihwan on her own and that she can handle things on her own. (Joowon I think does have in turn this perhaps misplaced belief that women aren’t necessarily in more danger than men when put in situations like this, because women ARE more vulnerable. His experience with Lee Geumhwa should have already taught him that. Although it also IS pretty telling that in some ways he’s also too naive about women’s real proximity to danger, in general, the way it’s clear he doesn’t see the “necessity” of extra protection for them. Which is both good and bad, depending on the situation. But also shows so clearly how he and Dongsik fit SO WELL as partners, because of how they balance each other’s weaknesses with their own strengths 🥹)

Replying to @striving4mikey's latest comments on my post re: the juxtaposition of how Dongsik is with Jeongje, Jihwa (and Jaeyi), and Joowon in turn.

Oh Jihwa and Yoo Jaeyi

I don't know if it's the right English word for it—or if there even is an English word for it—but with both Jihwa and Jaeyi, Dongsik has what I can only describe as a strange sense of misplaced chivalry. It isn't even ill-intended, because it's coming from his trauma-based fierce protectiveness over everyone he loves, and both Jihwa and Jaeyi are enfolded tightly under that umbrella of care.

The problem is that Dongsik's protectiveness over them robs them of the chance to make informed decisions for themselves precisely because Dongsik locks them out of pertinent details that should have been their right to know. In essence, he's lying to them by omission.

Case in point is how Dongsik tried his best in the beginning to lock Jaeyi out of the truth about Kang Jinmook, even though it should have been her right to know as the victim's daughter. With Jihwa, while Dongsik did need her help with Lee Changjin, with the rest of the details of the case—involving Han Kihwan and Kang Minjeong in particular—he also locked her out, if only so that her reputation as a cop won't be tarnished.

To a certain extent he does the same to the other men of Manyang, like Jihoon and Gwangyoung, but there seems to be in Dongsik's case a well-intentioned yet still gender-biased view of the women as those who need his protection, rather than those who can fight for themselves and make decisions for themselves. In essence, he makes those decisions for them instead.

Contrast this, for example, with how Joowon doesn't have that gender-based bias at all when he sees how capable Jaeyi is as he continuously asks for her help, both in chasing down Han Kihwan and then later on in saving Jeongje. He sits side by side with Jihwa in their interrogation of Lee Changjin and they keep each other well-informed of the progress of his case.

The difference is, if there are certain details the women doesn't know, Dongsik intentionally doesn't reveal it to them in order to protect them. With Joowon, his intention isn't based on his relationship to them but rather based on their relationship to the case: if the detail isn't pertinent enough yet or he still lacks evidence about it, the less people know, the better.

In this as in everything else, Dongsik bases his decisions on emotion, while Joowon bases it on logic.

Park Jeongje

There's a moment the day after Jeongje's breakdown at the restaurant, and Joowon was reviewing the facts of the case so far, that Dongsik deliberately interrupts him and refuses to listen to what Joowon was trying to say about Jeongje.

This is of particular interest because it demonstrates what I have always theorized: that Dongsik has always known the possibility that the reason his guitar pick was found by Bang Juseon's body is because it was previously in Jeongje's possession.

Joowon himself was getting to this point in the conversation when Dongsik abruptly cut him off—because Joowon was right when he said the night before that Dongsik wasn't ready to hear this yet.

Dongsik had known all along that Jeongje was the last person he was with before his guitar pick disappeared, that night at the deer farm. It was the last place he had brought his guitar case and played his guitar in—whether or not what he says that he doesn't remember using the guitar pick there is true.

Because in the flashback, he was very clearly using the guitar pick at the deer farm with Jeongje.

A case can be made, in fact, that he knew all along, but omitted saying the truth when the detectives repeatedly questioned him 21 years ago about his guitar pick, for the same reason that is still very in character of him, 21 years later: he protected Jeongje.

He let the police arrest him, question him, and beat him up, even when he knew the possibility that the guitar pick had been in Jeongje's possession.

This was never confirmed in the show itself. But it wouldn't be out of his character to do so, because that's always been quintessentially who Dongsik is: keeping secrets to protect the people he loves.

He alluded to it later on himself, when he finally exploded and threw it all in Jeongje's face, asking him if he ever wondered why Dongsik never asked him anything all these years. Why Dongsik didn't question Jeongje belatedly stepping up as Dongsik's alibi, both in Bang Juseon's and Lee Yuyeon's case, and with Kang Minjeong's case. Why Dongsik didn't even question the fact that Jeongje lied to him about going to the US and was in fact admitted to a mental hospital, which he found out from Joowon.

Part of it I believe is that Dongsik himself didn't want to know. He didn't want to face the possibility that the person he trusted back then, and still chose to trust all these years later, despite everything, could ever hurt him—betray him—like this.

Joowon himself pointed this out to Jeongje before he dropped him off at Dongsik's basement: that even after all this time, Dongsik was still waiting for Jeongje himself to come clean—because Dongsik trusted him.

Because Dongsik loved him.

And when Dongsik couldn't anymore deny the truth of what Joowon has been trying to tell him all along, that's when Dongsik finally snapped—and with it, a three-decade long friendship.

The person Dongsik loved, trusted, and protected all these years—couldn't even tell him the truth.

And this is who Dongsik is, too: He will love you unconditionally, until you break him.

And he will break off his love for you.

Han Joowon

This now makes Dongsik's treatment of Joowon all the more fascinating.

He doesn't have a strong desire to protect Joowon the way he does with Jihwa and Jaeyi; part of it is because their history isn't (yet) as long and deep-seated as it is with the women, part of it may even be perhaps again a gender-biased view of Joowon as not "pure" enough to warrant his protection anyway, compared to the women.

Because Dongsik, remarkably, trusts Joowon with everything. Throughout their partnership, there is no secret he hasn't kept from Joowon himself: not even his hand in tampering with the scene of the crime and planting Kang Minjeong's fingers as fake evidence.

It's remarkable because Joowon at this point isn't (yet) someone he has come to love as long, or as deeply, as the people of Manyang.

But as @striving4mikey pointed out: he's getting there. Fast and intense and oh so deep in such a short period of time that it surprises both himself and Joowon with how uninhibited, how unconditional Dongsik's trust is for Joowon.

It may not be love just yet: but it has a great potential to be. The greatest love Dongsik has ever and will ever let himself feel, in fact, simply because he has never been so open—and so free—with anyone else, like this.

Because as @striving4mikey also pointed out: no one has ever proven himself to Dongsik, like this.

Not even Jeongje.

(Even when Dongsik wanted it so much to be Jeongje.)

Because that's what fascinates Dongsik about Joowon: that he isn't even doing any of it to prove himself to Dongsik. Joowon does what he does simply because it's right.

And it's that kind of unwavering moral compass and unrelenting pursuit of justice that Dongsik can finally, finally let himself go.

He doesn't have to worry about Joowon being unable to protect himself, because Joowon can.

He doesn't have to worry about Joowon breaking his promises to him and betraying him, because Joowon won't.

He doesn't even have to worry about Joowon not listening to him, because Joowon does.

Here, now, is the one person who will never let him down.

Here, now, is the one person that Dongsik knows is competent enough, capable enough, clever enough, and strong enough, to bear all of it with him.

Here, now, is the one person who can finally keep up with him in every way, in the truest sense: as his partner.

More than anything, Dongsik doesn't have to worry about not having his trust—his love—not returned in full. He doesn't have to worry about not receiving the same trust and love he's been investing in all the people he loved and trusted all these years.

Because it does, with Joowon.

Which is why Dongsik doesn't mind having Joowon arrest him. Why he wants no one else but Joowon to arrest him.

Because it's only with Joowon that he's finally free.

[fairycosmos]

Hopefully this doesn’t come off as bigoted, I almost feel it’s the nature of my question but that’s part of why I want to ask. I am lesbian and not bi, I love bi women, but I’ll admit that even knowing many I’ve never met a bi woman that settled with a woman, or anyone other than men. I feel a little bad saying it, I’m sure there’s bi women that have, but it’s noticeable when you haven’t met those people yknow?

Your post about game with women made me think on it. Do you think maybe bi women are less likely to end up with women because it’s a more stigmatized/harder to initiate relationship? Ssa relationships do face more scrutiny/hate but also you don’t always know if someone is gay/bi, and it’s easy to assume most people are straight and not get any negative feedback for that. Idk if that divide is anything you’ve noticed, I’m just curious if you might think it’s a reason.

hi no worries i know this is coming from a curious and respectful place! honestly im a mostly closeted bi woman so my experiences are very limited and it's prob different for every bisexual woman you ask, but i often credit this to there just being more straight dudes in the world than there are bisexual women/lesbians. like, when youre bisexual, it's always statistically more likely you'll end up with a dude, just bc there's so many of them you could potentially be into. that's very general though, and not how everyone experiences bisexuality. it's also not to say fear/internalised homophobia doesn't sadly play a significant part - it definitely can, i know first-hand. as a bi woman i often feel like an outsider or an amateur when trying to navigate dating women or ppl of other genders, and i feel it annoys them that i can't just be confident and experienced and normal about same sex relationships. which would be understandable, bc obviously everyone wants someone they can comfortably vibe with. i do think this initial hesitance and feeling like a fish out of water can be an obstacle for some (nowhere near all) bi women. could definitely be a contributing reason in some cases though! <3 

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[redacted-metallum]

well thats one person saying i can so here i go. warning this is Not gonna be coherent. and sort of long. sorry im in a Mood

I feel like sometimes the relative invisibility of transmascs is both a blessing and a curse, yknow? Like I can think of. One transmasc celebrity (elliot page, a trans man) and sure part of this is that I dont know celebs but like, as a result my perception is that people dont really. realize trans guys are a Thing? Like all the transphobic arguments in the world are about trying to keep ""men"" out of ""womens spaces"" and its like. idk. it feels like trans guys are protected from the brunt of transphobia but on the other end its like. We're protected only because people dont see us. and thats not a very good form of protection.

And just from what ive seen??? Trans men on the internet seem to be more likely to be transmedicalist and talk about how if you dont want every single surgery and all the HRT youre a FAKE and that all of it should be super regulated. and part of that is definitely bc if you do T wrong your blood will coagulate in your veins and you'll die of super stroke heart failure, but if you do E wrong itll suck but it wont kill you i dont think.

theres also just. idk the specific type of transphobia trans guys face where people tell us we're gonna get gross and fat and sweaty and hairy on T and also the more terfy transphobes are like oh no youre BETRAYING womanhood and its like. in my case theres nothing for me to have betrayed. i was a weird little girl and i grew up into a nonbinary trans guy. I didnt always know i was a guy, but i knew i was Different (tm) and now its like ah, it was autism and dysphoria. that makes a lot of sense actually! (thinks about the times I tucked my hair into my hat; the elation i felt in my chest when i first got my hair cut to like a bob; my desire to be treated as one of the guys; etc)

like i dont think there's such thing as "transandrophobia" or "transmisandry" bc the terms thsoe are aping are referring to very specific institutional intersections of transphobia and misogyny that affects trans women in a way that it doesnt affect trans men, and i get that being told "no you are affected by misogyny" sucks for the gender reason but its like. even cis men are affected by misogyny. its a Whole Thing. but man. the "all men are pigs" thing grates on my nerves bc some of yall are just using it as an excuse to be mean. obviously the intent of the whole yes all men thing is to point out that men as a social class benefit from the patriarchy, and sometimes trans men DO get that social benefit, but we cannot deny that we're counted as Others still, and we're all just tranny fag dyke freaks to the conservative audience.

idk i just want more solidarity and love. i want to be comfortable and happy being a sort of man. But people on the internet hate men and its like. i get it. but it's gotten to the point where it's just an excuse to be hurtful.

and the few trans men i see on TV and in movies are all skinny white men who pass well. and i wish taht were me, but im fat and sure im white but i dont think im ever gonna pass as a cis man even if I got top surgery and im just.

im sad and lonely i guess.

man I wanna talk about some of my experiences as a transmasc person on the internet but I feel like im just gonna end up sounding like this

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[harrypotterfuryroad]

okay so. we assigned the words “male” and “female” to the two sexes of humans, the fertilizer and the birth giver. we then proceeded to push that label onto all animals and plants. there are physical differences between them in the sense that the fertilizer needs to evolve to fertilize correctly and vise versa, therefore we have secondary sexual characteristics like wider hips and breasts and stuff. eventually we realized that yes, there’s a difference between gender and sex. gender is based completely on how our brain feels most comfortable fitting into the gender binary thats been presented to us by the people who colonized the world centuries ago, when they were still so stuck in gender essentialism bc thats like how life was in Ye Olden days. had the colonizers not been so deep into their view of the binary genders that they forced them on everyone they came in contact with, we couldve been seeing indigenous people who dont ascribe to the gender binary for centuries. anyways now the whole world is colonized and has adopted a gender binary based once again on the very basic part of humanity that is physical sex. which is literally only relevant in medicine and reproduction. and i guess thats where my issue is. why do u feel the need to add all these extra words to say “female identifying as a man” when u could say “trans man”. thats 3 whole less words and in everyday context thats all anyone needs to know. when that person goes to their doctor they can then discuss their physical sex characteristics. or if they decide they want to have a baby. and in specific medical situations it can definitely be better to say “people with uteruses” or “people who can have babies” bc a) it is much more specific to the situation and b) its making trans men and women who have had hysterectomies or are infertile feel better. and like idk maybe thats a shallow reasoning but personally i like when other people arent sad. anyways im kind of rambling but ur the first blog ive found w this rhetoric who seems to actually be able to have genuine discussions on this so id like to hear ur thoughts. but also this ended up longer than i thought so feel free to ignore lmao

i can see where you're coming from generally but there are a lot of things that you're still getting tripped up on

we didn't "push a label" of male and female onto animals and plants, we observed that sexual reproduction was common in other species

we didn't realize that gender was different from sex - we created gender based on sex

gender isn't "how our brain feels most comfortable" based on some internal essence - gender is taught and externally enforced, or in other words, it's a social construct. a person can have their own feelings about that, but it's not a reflection of their true inner self or anything

gender essentialism is alive and well, it's not a ye olde days thing

you're kinda getting stuck in this noble savage thing, where you're assuming that non-european cultures had no notions of gender roles before the 1400s just because they didn't have our notions of gender roles. "indigenous people who don't ascribe to the gender binary" still upholds an idea of The gender binary. if there was some undiscovered civilization somewhere where let's say women all drove trucks and men all took care of babies or something that would still be a gender binary, just not the one you're familiar with. if you're referring to third genders in certain cultures, most of those are explicitly built to contain people who don't meet very rigid gender roles in one way or another. in other words those genders tend to uphold a binary by having a label for those who fall outside of it

sure i guess you can say that sex is "literally only relevant in medicine" but i think a lot of people would say that medicine is pretty relevant in their lives. and it's not contained to medicine - look at the way most of our society has been built with male as a default and female as an afterthought. so yeah sex is actually pretty relevant

"people with uteruses" and "people who can have babies" still fall under one wider category. i know plenty of women who have had hysterectomies who are still very active in the fight for access to birth control even though they personally won't need it, because it's understood that the issue isn't about making themselves feel better. women without uteruses are still negatively affected by legislation targeting women who do have them, just like how women who identify as men are still negatively affected by legislation targeting women, because the point of the legislation isn't the uterus itself, it's control. this is the biggest split here i think - people who treat gender stuff as an individualist platform and people who fight gender stuff (as a whole, not just in the context of trans issues) because it negatively affects women as a class

hope this was helpful but also i promise that lots of us around here are very open and genuine about this stuff and there are lots of much smarter people than me so don’t be afraid to ask around

[lycandrophile]

im transmasc myself and while i agree w the stuff in your pinned readmore thing im a little confused on how we are supposed to have grown up inherently different from cis women, or how our dicomfort with our gender is somehow innately different because we came to the conclusion we are men or otherwise trans. i dont think i completely agree. i think a lot of cis women go through much of the same, and possibly the exact same, discomfort we do because being interpreted as girls in society, or being dfab, is a difficult experience for most, especially for people who are gnc.

i think it really comes down to how we decide we are going to label ourselves or whether we pursue medical transition? a cis woman may be dysphoric in the same way we are, but decide she is not trans and is going to try to be comfortable with her body the way it is for whatever personal reason. she wont face the same stigma we do navigating society as transmasculine people, but we dont have to have an innate difference from her for our identities and our systemic oppression to be real, ykwim? like i can share the exact same thoughts and experiences as someone who decided they werent trans and still be trans myself, because being trans is an action i have taken to treat my dysphoria. i dont have to not feel like other girls (not saying this in a demeaning way just phrasing it like the post you made)

here's the thing: being trans as someone who was afab is about WAY more than just discomfort with being seen as women

first of all, it's not just about the discomfort - my experiences of gender euphoria are far more indicative of my gender experience as whole than my dysphoria is - sure, a cis woman could feel uncomfortable with what being perceived as a woman is like, but do they feel the same absolute joy when they're called a boyfriend or a brother or a dad or when they see their name next to "mr"? do they feel like everything in their life just makes more sense when they fit into it as a genderqueer man (in my case), or do they just not like what it means to fit into it as a woman? because there's a big difference

my point is, at the end of the day, it is impossible for me to have the "exact same thoughts and experiences" as a cis woman because those thoughts and experiences include Not Being A Woman, so anyone who shares my exact thoughts and experiences is necessarily not a cis woman

i think the real problem here is that you're viewing transness purely as a series of actions (social transition, legal transition, medical transition, etc)

sure, it might be that to you, but for the majority of trans people, it's so much more than that - i'm not trans in order to treat my dysphoria, i'm trans because my gender isn't the one i was assigned at birth, and that would be true regardless of what actions i take, because for me and most other trans people, transness as an identity and transitioning as an action are two separate (albeit often closely related) things

sure, our experiences don't HAVE to be innately different from cis women's for them to be valid, but that doesn't change the fact that (at least for most of us) they still are innately different - sometimes things are just true even if they don't need to be

and i would caution you to be VERY careful generalizing the idea that being trans is nothing more than a treatment for dysphoria, because that's the exact logic a lot of t/er/fs use to argue that we should just find "other treatments" (aka usually conversion therapy) and not let anyone transition

and on top of the t/er/f issue, this logic also suggests that discomfort is the main experience of being trans, which allows cis people to keep portraying it as a mental illness / generally bad thing, and also fucks over anyone who wants to transition to achieve euphoria even if they don't have the associated dysphoria (for example, i'm not dysphoric about my lack of facial hair but i AM euphoric when i see myself with facial hair so one of my transition goals is getting some facial hair - it doesn't matter that i'm comfortable without it because i would be even more comfortable with it and that's what SHOULD matter)

to give you a somewhat simplified answer to your question: our discomfort with womanhood is different from a cis woman's because our discomfort is part of a much larger internal experience of a different gender, and theirs likely wouldn't be solved by living as a different gender because that wouldn't align with their internal experience (as evidenced by the cis women who have transitioned and later realized it wasn't the right path because that wasn't the real source of their discomfort), so while the discomfort might feel the same on the surface, it comes from a different place and will have different experiences attached to it

[blole-hack]

sorry for making you panic HAHDUQUSHJWQ, to be honest im not entirely sure, since i just coined it and hadn't really tested this on a larger population.

From what i know through my limited knowledge, it really is not a common phenomenon, since it is just me among all my allo friends, and im already an established aromantic (demiromantic demisexual/demian) so in this case id be requiterose demian or something

it seems to be normal for some people though depending on the depth of their crush.

i shouldve probably made it more specific but lets see first through what other people think. But i think, even if it do ends up kind of common or normal, it still kind of falls under aro because of the

- little to no desire for a romantic relationship with specific people because you will kinda just stop caring at the end of the day

- its very specifically conditional like recipro, demi, fray etc. Only romo in specific circumstances

its more similar to frayromantic in the sense that it disappears when a condition is met, unlike how demi and recipro only begins when a condition is met. but its very similar to recipro where you do need to be liked, its just that the order is different

additionally, I do know that some people still end up liking people that are downright impossible (people that literally cannot be attracted to their gender or are not into a person like them) and when they get rejected, they'll go through long troubled periods of sad moments. which, i just, do not experience in a romantic way. ill just be like

"oh darn, why are the people that are my type only into women? why cant i find my type!!!"

im not gonna be like "baby why are you straight HUHHUH i still love uuuuuu" and secretly wishing for things to be different even when there is clearly all the evidence that its not possible and there is nothing contradictory like (a straight guy best friend flirting with me and telling me he wants my nuts in his mouth and never actually explicitly rejecting me but like i deemed it impossible later on due to other factors)

"just move on!" - me, not fully understanding their plight.

I just genuinely cannot experience liking someone if they genuinely cannot like me back but theres this small grace period where i will be a bit or a lot romantically into them for a while until i realize or to check if they cannot requite and that makes them not my type anymore idk

And also, for me, it has to be that they have the same/similar kind of feelings towards me that i have to them. if the depth and others is not the same or has no chance of being deeper for example i also stop feeling anything.

since there's something aro about not being into people that are not into you (recipro) i think its fair but im not sure so lets see what the rebloggers think.

But youre free to identify as how you see fit with this label uhh im just sharing background idk i just woke up HAHHAHA

Requiteromantic

dont kill me please this is just a placeholder flag i will make a new one

while recipromantic is defined that its a requirement for the person to like them first (to reciprocate), a requiteromantic will like the person first, but immediately does not like the person romantically anymore when their romantic attraction cannot be requited or is not requited.

Like, seriously, the romantic attraction will suddenly disappear. no more romantic desire at all. could still have other lingering feelings like emotional attraction, but no more drive for romance

of course, this could work too for the sexual counterpart (and all other attraction types. im just too lazy to edit)

any better term suggestions to fit this definition? please do comment/reblog with it! thank you :)

actual flag coming someday I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE POSTS WITH FLAGS MORE IM SORRY I DONT HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW

[thickenmyblood]

I’ll confess my sins. When I skipped the first chapters of Capri I got stuck on Laurent’s description as spoiled and similar to overripe fruit. So i was like ah. Royal Dudley Dursley with a blonde curly wig. Sounds about right. I finally saw some fan art and was like??? Who is this anemic Victorian vampire legolas persona?? Honestly tho in an alternate universe where Auguste doesn’t die and Laurent still dislikes sports but enjoys Veres sweet meats and his metabolism is only the slightest bit slower Laurent is absolutely getting chubby. And Damen. Smh he manages to be shadiest bitch while also being appreciating. Would he insult an overweight courtier who never touched a sword? Absolutely. Would he respect a meaty sumo ringer able to throw Damen around like a rag doll? Absolutely. He seems to appreciate multiple types of bodies just fine (muscled gladiators, frail slaves, sturdy vaskian women) so I feel like he’d also appreciate curvier partners as long as they. Well know how to use their body yk. Oh and what about chubby jokaste? We don’t know enough about akielon beauty standards at all. Sure slaves are probably mostly slender and frail to add to the submissive aesthetic (tho I do remember damens fixation on his female slaves big boobs, dude is far from subtle as always). But if it’s Ancient Greek inspired beauty standards jokaste most definitely rocks some tummy rolls. Either that or she’s got super toned abs from the Pilates classes she visits with the other trophy concubines. and akielon man are properly ripped but is it king-Leonidas-washboard-abs ripped?? Or more chunky functional muscle mass ripped? Perhaps akielon noble women are even trained like Spartan women and egeria was the one with the washboard abs. Also there absolutely was a time in Vere where the chubbier the pet = the wealthier it’s owner. Im so so sorry for rambling but your post got me t h i n k i n g

This is not only hilarious but also one of the best takes I’ve ever read. There is so much to unpack here that I truly don’t know where to start.

You mentioned Dudley, whose weight and fat (derogatory) tendencies are accentuated throughout the entire Harry Potter saga. I think—and this is my personal belief, it is not something anyone else has to agree with—that part of what makes Laurent interesting and redeemable to many readers has to do with the fact that he’s beautiful*. I don’t think many people would be willing to admit that, but Laurent’s pretty privilege as a fictional character is similar to Draco Malfoy’s (in fanon) or other morally grey villains/characters’. Ugly characters are harder to forgive, for some reason.

This got me thinking that had Pacat written Laurent as canonically fat, there would be a lot of stuff going on in Damen’s head that I don’t think we’d be able to excuse as easily as we excuse other (quite horrible) thoughts of his. But also, like I mentioned above, I think Laurent would have a harder time proving to some readers that he’s not Dudley, that he’s not just a stereotype of selfishness and greed and other things fatness is associated with (like childishness or an inability to take accountability for one’s actions). This would happen not because he’s fat, but rather because we see the world through Damen’s eyes. And Damen is. . . Quite opinionated.

You mentioned Damen would be judgmental of someone’s weight based on their ability to fight. So, like you pointed out, he’d make fun of a useless in battle courtier but not of a Sumo wrestler. I think in Book 1 Damen would make fun of anything and everyone, but I do understand where you’re coming from with that statement. It makes me wonder what Damen would think of people with a mobility/physical disability. Or even with learning difficulties. Or just about anyone that, according to him, doesn’t contribute to society. If you can’t be a warrior or a bed slave, and if you’re not in a condition to be a peasant and plow fields, and if you don’t have royal blood in your veins. . . I have a hard time picturing Damen being sympathetic.

Chubby Jokaste. . . I think I’ve always thought of her as a muscled woman, given the fact that Laurent can pose as her in Book 3. There’s been a lot of discourse lately on whether Laurent is muscled or a twigly twink, which I will not get into because I. . . do not know enough about gender and/or gender expression to add anything to any argument. I am also not a gay man, so I don’t know what could be considered offensive. I am also very stupid. I also do not know what the word 'twink' means anymore.

Your ask has made me think a lot about many things I’m usually not interested in. I think it would be interesting to see a chubby Laurent who still knows how to fight, who trains, who does things other than eat and hate. Canon Laurent is slender, and yet he never manages to beat Damen in combat, so I don’t think his ability to fight would suffer much from gaining some pounds. It would be interesting to see chubby Jokaste too, even though I don’t particularly enjoy the parallels between her and Laurent in canon. It would also be interesting to see. . . different types of bodies. You mentioned the Vaskian ladies, which I like a lot, but I don’t think I’ve read or come across any fics that focus on them. I think Vannes’ pet is also described as muscular and big, but I’m afraid I don’t remember the quote and I don’t own the books, so I can’t be sure.

What I liked the most was the ending of your ask, where you went on to add little worldbuilding details. Like I said yesterday, I wish canon was more detailed so we could maybe have something to hold onto when we make certain claims. It’s hard to say which parts of Damen’s thought process are entirely his (as a prince with a lot of privilege) and which ones have to do with his culture. Pacat has pointed out some to us, like the fact that Akielons don’t enjoy certain “spectacles” of the body, like pet rings or public sex, but they do enjoy staring at bodies when they’re wrestling or performing physical activities unrelated to sex. Other things remain little mysteries, in my opinion. Do all bed slaves have the same body type? Do women wrestle? How does marriage work in Akielos? What is everyone else’s opinion on fat people? I’m sure not everyone is like Damen, who we speculate cares about having a healthy body so he can fight and. . . stuff.

I am not saying Damen is the only character who, in the historic period where Captive Prince is set, would have fatphobic thoughts. If Damen was fat, Laurent would be the first one to use that against him, especially in Book 1. I just think Damen fits the fatphobic mold better because he’s described as this hypermasculine character, very into war (I think the blurb of the book calls him a warrior prince?) and manly things. Which is not to say war is inherently manly. Which is not to say Laurent isn’t manly. Which is not to say. . . whatever.

Captive Prince is a fantasy trilogy, set in. . . the past. Concepts such as fatphobia or toxic masculinity are not exactly applicable, but I think it’s fun to explore Damen’s character through his flaws. Laurent has a lot of flaws, but Damen’s are sometimes confused with virtues. In my opinion, they’re at their best when they’re being disgustingly horrible to each other.

I’m sorry for writing you a 90 paragraph response.

* He's almost universally beautiful in the Captive Prince world. Damen finds him pretty, and Torveld, and Jord (we've read that 'cute' quote where he describes Laurent at 15 to Aimeric). Not saying fat = ugly. I'm saying it seems like the 'hegemonic' body type for pretty is Laurent's, otherwise. . . why would everyone he comes in contact with comment on his pretty looks?