#and more power to them!! theres def a sense of comfort and community in seeing a word for something youve experienced and knowing

[rillette]

hi, asking on anon bc I think people are going to misinterpret my question…

how can someone be both genderfluid/genderqueer AND transfem? I know that being trans is the opposite of cis, so the person would ID as a woman despite being AMAB. I have no problem with that, all’s valid. I just don’t understand how someone can be transfem (not saying whether or not they get any surgery or hormone therapy bc I know it doesn’t matter) & be genderfluid…aren’t they already choosing a gender to present as? Also, when did Hal canonically come out as transfem?

hiiii!! so transfem doesnt specifically mean that a person identifies as a women! it just means that they identify more with femininity or that they're transitioning towards being more feminine. so someone can be both genderqueer and transfem, because they're transitioning/identifying more towards being feminine but they don't identify as specifically a women. AGAB doesnt really have a lot to do with it as anyone, regardless of their assigned gender, can be transfem if theyre starting out from a place of masculinity. again, i'm not the be all end all of queer people, im just a guy that posts hals boob on the internet. im sure if you ask 10 other queer folks they'll give you 10 different answers but this is what my understanding is. if anyone thats actually genderqueer, transfem or both wants to jump in and correct me feel free lol

when people are talking about hal being canonically genderfluid or transfem, 9 times out of 10 they're referring to these panels from spectre (2001) which is a fantastic comic run and everyone should read it. make of this what you will!

[ailuronymy]

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue. 

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows. 

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle. 

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons. 

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences. 

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there’s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups. 

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting. 

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely. 

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth. 

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven. 

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life. 

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort. 

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life. 

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy. 

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones. 

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[illfoandillfie]

Hi! I know you’re not requesting for them right now but I was wondering if you could give me a reading? I’m in a rough patch mentally as I overthink too much about my relationships. It’s with this guy named Matt. We’ve been taking for a month now and I really like him but I also kind of have commitment issues and now I’m overthinking that he doesn’t like me and that makes me want to ghost him. I just need to be reassured or something I guess and it would be lovely if you could whenever you can. If not I completely understand! 🤍

sorry i’m a bit late with this, hopefully it helps!

tarot cards: the hanged man, page of swords, queen of hearts, king of wands, strength, page of swords, 8 of pentacles, judgement

As i was drawing the cards i was focusing on matt and his thoughts regarding your connection which is important because there are cards in here which i think represent how he sees you and cards representing himself as well. so let’s start with those ones. 

You’ve come out as the queen of cups clarified by the 8 of pentacles. Not a bad thing. The cups suit is the one most closely tied to the heart and emotions which means he does see you as someone he could love. the queen of cups is compassionate, comforting, wise and loving. At her lowest vibration she can be insecure, particularly when it comes to emotional insecurity, and maybe be clingy or stubborn. But she’s a symbol of loyalty, happiness and tenderness. The 8 of pentacles is an interesting clarifier. It’s a card of cultivation, representing the beginning of your relationship, as well as passion. But it can also represent high standards. These card coupled together show that he sees you as someone he wants to love, someone he could find happiness with, someone he would willingly put time and effort into building a relationship with, but he’s worried that your insecurity is causing you to pull away and that he can’t rise to the high standards you have. 

On the other hand, he has come out as the King of Wands with Judgement. The king of wands is energetic and passionate and a natural leader. He’s incredibly good at overcoming challenges which i think is the main reason he’s appeared in this reading, though his negative traits show the other side of his fiery nature - someone who likes to be in control and who is maybe a little arrogant. The Judgement card represents reflection, rebirth and renewal. He is making a choice to pursue this relationship though he is aware something isn’t going right with it at the moment. But by appearing as the king of wands, matt believes he can fix the problem. It might be his drive for control or just a stubborn streak but whatever the motivation, he seems himself overcoming whatever challenges you’re putting in front of him, if that makes sense. Judgement is a card that often comes up when we’re at a crossroads or have some sort of decision to make and if this is the case for matt then he is deciding to go after you. He’s thought about it, he’s reflected on the situation and he has decided you are worth it. 

Okay so let’s jump back to the first two cards now, the hanged man and Strength. The hanged man represents delays as well as sacrifice and new perspectives while Strength obviously relates to strength and power but it can also be non-physical forms of strength like resilience, endurance, courage, confidence, etc. Theres a sense that this isn’t something either of you can rush. Patience is required. But it will be worth it because the strength card implies the relationship you could have would be a strong one. It might just be a question of timing rather than a lack of interest from either of you. It may also indicate a need to change your point of view or how you’re approaching something so that things can stop stalling and move forward. 

Then we have our page of swords and page of swords. It’s not often you get the same card in the same column from two different decks. Mathematically the probability of that happening is quite slim. So when it does happen, it’s something you probably need to pay attention to. The page of swords is curious and energetic if a little restless. All of the pages are messengers so it can be a sign that you’ll receive a message from matt but if you’re in communication thats not much of a surprise. In relation to love or relationships though, the page of swords can represent a lack of emotional intimacy. Swords are the suit connected with the brain as well as communication, they’re a sign of intelligence but they often don’t consider emotions and feelings as much as they should or else they struggle to talk about their emotions/feelings. But the natural curiosity of the page of swords suggests there is an interest in seeing where this relationship could go and perhaps that the delay referenced with the hanged man is making matt feel a little restless and eager to move things forward. 

next i drew some love oracles for you. 

From the romance angels we got: Give your relationship a change - work on your partnership / and Passion - allow your heart and soul to sing with joy! I think that first card is really all we needed to answer your question lmao but they’re obviously telling you to not pull away from matt. 

We also got 3 heart oracles: Look Inside Yourself - examine what is causing you to feel this way / Romance - cupid’s arrow strikes! / Power - You instinctively know what is right for you and you have the power to say no or to walk away at any time. The look inside yourself one was especially interesting to me because it really connects with that Judgment card and the reflection is represents. While that card did come out in relation to Matt’s king of wands it could also double as a suggestion for you to do some soul searching and confront why you’re worried about whether or not matt is interested in this connection. romance obviously implies there is something here, some sort of romantic connection worth investing time and energy into. Power may be a sign that your instincts are trying to tell you something but also that no harm will come from seeing how things progress now because you can always call it quits later if it’s not working. 

I got a few other oracle cards too: 

From the Numerology deck: New Beginnings and Domestic Harmony. New Beginnings probably refers to the resent start of the relationship but it could also refer to the relationship progressing and beginning a new part of it. Either way this card is a call to let yourself step into the unknown and see where it takes you. Domestic Harmony indicates a time of healing your relationships and home. I’m going to quote directly from the guidebook here because its kind of whack how applicable it is lmao. it says “This card can indicate a time to make a commitment to your present relationship by declaring your desire to take things to the next level....Remember there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. Domestic harmony can only be achieved with effort, compassion and compromise.” 

You also got 4 of the arcana of astrology cards: Leo, Virgo, Venus, and Second House. 

Leo is the astrological sign tied to the Strength card and so relates to pride, ego, confidence and determination. Virgo is an interesting one to appear because the key message of this card is that your needs must take priority before you can think about anyone else. She can also be a symbol of needing to express yourself better or communicate better with someone. Venus is of course the planet tied to love but she also talks about putting yourself first. These messages could tie in with the idea of reflection and contemplating why you’re questioning matt’s interest as well as what you feel you need and deserve from a connection. The second house relates to the realm of values and in this case could mean that you are pushing your beliefs onto other people (ie: telling yourself matt isnt interested when he actually is). 

finally i pulled a few cards from the channelled messages deck. These are meant to represent things matt would like to say if he could but take it with as many grains of salt as you wish. 

Our first card is Strength (...Ego?) which defs calls back to the strength card as well as the mention of ego in the leo card just before. Someone’s ego is getting in the way. Is it yours which is impacting your commitment issues, or is it his making him come across incorrectly?

1 Cup represents the ace of cups which is about new beginnings particularly related to romance and relationships.  And then we have I want a fresh start with you, so there is clearly an interest in moving things forward and getting beyond this speed bump to create a proper relationship together. 

Listen To Your Heart calls back to that ‘Look Inside Yourself’ heart oracle. Your heart is trying to tell you something you just need to figure out what it is.

I need more time in reverse implies that he knows what he wants, he knows he wants you, he’s sick of whatever delay the hanged man referred to, he’s ready to move forward with you. 

I am obsessed with your body in reverse indicates a physical attraction but theres interest beyond that, an interest in having something deeper with you. 

I am absolutely in-love with you. Obviously it’s too early to expect the L word lmao but he can see himself falling for you if given the opportunity and the time to do so. He’s definitely drawn to you. 

and then Have I lost everything? he’s worried that he won’t have the opportunity to show you what a good partner he could be, worried that you’re going to call an end to things before they really begin.