#because if I had spent years shipping them and buying merch about a ship and then the writers told me oh btw they were never romantic

[will80sbyers]

Tbh if I shipped them and they had marketed Mileven all those years as a real romantic relationship selling merch about them for the fans and then in the last season they tell me they were never romantic I would get why people would be pissed about that especially if I spent money on merch, I think they would be justified in feeling a bit pissed if the ship was just never meant to be real at all because they have been duped financially

[freyalise]

i play more gacha games than most people, by that i mean i play about three regularly full time and then occasionally i play genshin impact. i do think that if you want to play a gacha game, doing dailies is pretty crucial if you want to get all of the characters you want, which has its own problems. that being said, all of the gacha games worth playing are set up so that you don't need all of the top tier characters to experience the story, and if you do dailies (and by extension, the regular events) you should get enough currency to pull for all the characters you want within reason. here's the breakdown of my usual rotation

doing dailies in all three gacha games i play usually takes about thirty minutes per day collectively, because for the most part all of the dailies can be done automatically. like you need to set up what you are doing but the game plays itself after that. at that point i can just watch a video or browse tumblr which feels like more of a waste of time than my gacha games.

of the gacha games i play regularly i want to say that i've spent about $40 of real person money throughout their entire lifetime. i have never spent money on granblue fantasy. i've bought one battle pass and one monthly pass in honkai star rail ($15 total). i buy the monthly passes in arknights pretty regularly but i use google play rewards money for that so i'm usually only out $0-2 per month, with $0 being more common. that is to say, the amount of money i've spent on gacha is less than the cost of shipping arknights merch from china, and far less than the amount of money i spent on final fantasy xiv subscriptions in the four-ish years i played that game

i have most of the key characters in granblue fantasy and about 80% of the top rarity characters in both star rail and arknights, again primarily through just playing the game, and i was seasonal until i joined a crew a couple months ago

as far as actual time investment beyond dailies go, it's still probably less than playing an mmo. reading an arknights event takes about 5-6 hours because those are novel length, reading a granblue event takes about 1-2 hours because those are more short story length, and star rail story updates are somewhere in between. even so this happens like once a month tops with some misc gameplay events happening in between. like star rail just came out with their monthly event and it took me like two hours tops to finish it and even then i was doing it while watching youtube and eating lunch

i don't know why i felt the need to type all of this up because the people who post about how gacha games are dragging unsuspecting children into gambling addictions will never care or perhaps accuse me of being in the pocket of Big Gacha. it does feel good to get good pulls and all of them do let you buy more pulls, yes. but all of these games have some way of guaranteeing a character so it's not even really gambling at that point, just working towards a goal you've set for yourself. but saying that if you've ever had fun playing a gacha game you're setting yourself up for a gambling addiction just makes you sound like a weirdo puritan talking about dopamine being bad for you

[moinsbienquekaworu]

2024 edition of Analysing Ram's fanfic collection! 2022 and 2023 editions are there. A few days late but we're still going strong!

Same disclaimer as before, all the ships I've been into are in there under the readmore and some of them are weird, if you thinks some stuff is freaky (derogatory) you probably don't want to look (especially this year!!). Which is fine, see you another time :)

For those who don't mind freaky stuff, come have fun with me once again as I marry my passion for fandom and simple statistics.

(hopefully this is readable? I had to dezoom a little because I have So Much Fic)

... So this is kind of insane for me.

I got into Daredevil a little after last year's edition, and after a full year and about three intense phases of Being Really Into Daredevil (the TV show, I should say right now. I've been meaning to get into the comics but we're not there yet), you can see that I uh. I liked it! Almost 600 fics, jesus. That's more than any of my other fandoms, and by so far it's not even funny. Clearly it shows when I download every fic I read. To be clear most of that folder is Mattfoggy, self-explanatory and uncontroversial I think.

I also got into Baldur's Gate 3, which is probably my folder with the most gen stuff in it, maybe even including my gen folders. That's because 1) I played the game and romanced someone (I'll give you a guess. I'll give you one fucking guess.) so it felt a little strange reading ship fic for a game when you've played an active role in the story? and 2) because for once there isn't just one ship I'm into. All of these fuckers have so much potential chemistry with everyone else it's kind of wild. You could take any of the main six/eight companions, put them together, and I'd see it! So, genfic, and a fair bit of Bloodpact because I'm extra-compelled by Astarion and Wyll having Issues together and kissing about it. Once again, normal. Note that I did also buy merch for this, because there was cool merch I could actually get! So I have nice stickers and a portkey on top of 200 fics.

Then we enter the Zone Of Shame, the elephant in the room: why does Ram, who spent years of her life deliberately ignoring anything MCU related in any way, shape or form, who actively tried not to know who any of these people were when people told her about it, and who fell asleep before a few of the movies during family movie night, have three folders and about 350 MCU fics on her phone? Why indeed. Well, my best explanation is Daredevil snuck up on me and then I got overtaken by a fever. And now here I am. A changed woman. Scouring blogs from 2012 to get glimpses of what it was like back then.

The two main ships I've been really into are Stucky, because I watched Winter Soldier and I have eyes, though I did kind of hesitate with Stony because yeah I see it, and Thorki, because I watched Thor and I have eyes because I heard it was a thing, got curious, looked into it, and started Seeing It very fast. For about a week I'd watched Thor 1 and I thought, eh, I don't know why everyone was so into this, and then somehow something clicked in my brain I guess?? And then here I am, about three months later, coming out of AO3 searches bloodied and dizzy.

The rest of the changes are minor, I added a class folder for class stuff, a few fics here and there, kept going with Venom and doubled that folder, kept reading porn, planned to read (/actually read!) a few published books, etc. The last notable things are I found like 30 things to add to my misc folder, don't know where, and I somehow got rid of 4 Warrior Cats books? I'm guessing I had duplicates?

In conclusion, this year in fanfic, I read a lot of Mattfoggy, and got really into a beloved fandom classic (Stucky), the most obvious characters I could have gotten into (Astarion and Loki), and a truly "problematic ship" (Thorki). They grow up so fast... Absolutely crazy to me that when I log all the fics I read in a year (and I could have read more!) I end up almost doubling my fanfic folder. I was at 1.7k last year and I added like 1.4k, that was a huge shocker! So many good fics....

(BTW I knew the whoole time I would be insanely into Loki and Tony Stark, and I was Correct. Whatever that kind of character is they're like fucking catnip to me. Immediate blorbo. I need to read more Tony centric stuff but I've been trying not to be so so in love with that guy since I was like 13 so. Hard to break the habit. Astarion is also Like That and as soon as I saw his face I knew and I was once again Correct. I'm predictable.)

This was the 2024 edition of What's Ram Been Reading, it was a delight to have you this year again and it'll be a delight to have you in 2025! Bye bye :)

[mysteriousmissfsart]

Some Stories about Me Showing My Mom Twisted Wonderland #2

Yo! I’m back!

Ahem!

I mean-

I am back.

Thank you for waiting! *Bows*

Well-

I’m back with some more stories about showing my mom Twisted Wonderland!

No more distractions!

Let’s get to it!

FYI: This all happened today

——————————————————————————

A/N: I live in Sweden and 16:00 in Sweden is 00:00 in Japan. My Birthday is January 13th. So today is the 12th in Sweden hence my confusion for a moment. In order to not cause any confusion as well; I was born in Egypt to my Egyptian parents, I moved to Sweden when I was 7 and I’ve been living here for more than 13 years (don’t remember how long exactly😅). Also, my parents are divorced and that all happened when we moved to Sweden after he told us (me, mom and my two younger sisters) to live with my grandma (mom’s side). Mom is now remarried and I now have two younger brothers as well. (A bit of TMI but I don’t really mind telling y’all about that).

Me: *Sebek showing up when i started the game* *Dramatic gasp* Is it his birthday? No. It can’t be- I’m sure that only Lillia and Malleus are born in January.

Mom: *Cooking* *Looking at me* What happened?

Me: Sebek just showed up on the screen when I started the game. I don’t know why??? I also got a key for some reason??? Oh! Wait! IT’S MY BIRTHDAY GIFT???!!!!! But it’s not the- *Realization hits* OH! I forgot about the time difference!!!

Mom: *Smiling* Oh yeah! You’ll be 21 tomorrow! My little kid has grown!

Me: *Panicking* Do not speak of it, please. You’re making me realize the fact that I have spent my life wrong. I should have been doing a lot of things-

Mom: *Laughing* You can’t stop the fact that you’re aging!

Me: Yeah I know! *Panicking again* WHY??!! I could have had Malleus say happy birthday to me!!! *Crying in MISSED opportunity* *Getting up and yelling in frustration* *Going back to my seat*

Mom: *Disappointed* That’s your fav right? The tall guy with the horns? How could you miss that opportunity! *Jokingly* Stupid.

Me: Yeah! That’s him! I am stupid! *Lowkey crying* Now I’ll have to wait until next year!!!!!!! I don’t have anything against Sebek but, I just like Malleus the most- Well, on a positive note, it was the cutest happy birthday I ever got so I’m still happy!!

Mom: *Laughing* I swear that I gave birth to the weirdest human alive. *Shaking her head* That’s why I love you and your weirdness!

Me: Love you too mom! And yes, I am not denying that I am weird. But admit it, I’m the best person that came into your life- *Smirking*

Mom: Yeah, Yeah. You are.

——————————————————————————

Me: Mom! Look! Look! *Showing her a picture I saw on Pinterest* It’s Kalim’s outfit as a real life replica!

Mom: *Looking* It’s pretty! I’m impressed!

Me: Look at this one! This is Riddle’s outfit!

Mom: Wow! That’s amazing! It’s really detailed!

Me: Then look at this! It’s Malleus’s outfit! Isn’t it beautiful!

Mom: Yeah! Where can you buy this? *Meaning it*

Me: I wish that I could buy them! If there are buyable versions they’d probably be too expensive.

Mom: That’s too bad!

——————————————————————————

A/N

I’ve been away for a while because I had some exams, I really hope that I don’t fail😭😭

I’m currently working on some Twisted Wonderland stories and my essay on why Malleus is an INFJ in my opinion! I hope I can share them with you soon!

Also, if you know any websites that sell Twisted Wonderland merch and ship them worldwide, please let me know! I really want to buy some-

A quick disclaimer as well: I REALLY have NOTHING against Sebek or any other character!!! I just really love Malleus because I feel connected to his character! Sebek is a really sweet character and I really love his loud, proud and protective personality! The first conversation presented here was a bit of a lighthearted dramatic conversation between me and my mom. We do A LOT of those. I love all the characters for who they are and I have nothing against any of them!

(Read the tags)

(There’s a hidden story)

[reluctantvnnerd]

Hi everyone. I know there have been a lot of opinions about the RSS Patreon, and I'm not going to go into that because I think people's opinions are valid on both sides, except for the butt walruses who harassed people.

That being said, I think I have some information that other people might get some value from. Back in the before times I spent 6 years working in recruiting and UX research for a AAA gaming company. My partner has also worked in the game industry as both a programmer and a product manager. I am very familiar with the salaries people get paid around the country for making video games. I also own a small business where I manufacture my own fandom merch. I think these make me qualified to talk about the subject of cost when it comes to this project, at least in a very small sense.

The one criticism I really thought was unfair, was the accusation that RSS was being fiscally irrisponsible because they were starting a Patreon. That isn't a sign of money mismanagement, that is the sign of a company looking for a way to sustainably continue to do their work.

Work is the piece of the equation that I think a lot of people aren't remembering. By which I mean that a lot of people aren't keeping in mind the is cost of labor. NO ONE on the TS team is making a living wage from that Kickstarter money, I promise you.

Now I'm not even talking living wage in a place like San Francisco or Seattle ($41 an hour is a living wage in Seattle, for reference.) I did a little digging in the part of Florida where I used to work for said large company. They severely underpay in that area, and yet the living wage for people in entertainment, not even tech, is about $65k a year, and that's usually just based on fair market value for a studio apartment and no recreation at all.

There are 12 people on the RSS team. If they all made a living wage of $65k a year, that would be $780,000 to have them work full time for one year.

Now keep in mind that is a super low ball estimate of cost. Let's talk about how much you have to pay to hire a programmer in Seattle, which has many large game companies. On the low end salaries probably start around 100k and go up to $250k for a really senior programmer. If you had 4 Sr. programmers on your team you could easily spend a million dollars in salary alone, and that's not even considering things like insurance.

RSS has already been working on the game for over a year, and a significant portion of the cost of the Kickstarter is likely going to merch, not labor. There is no way anyone working on this game is being paid what they deserve, and they're likely working on top of fairly intensive 9 to 5 jobs, or freelance work. They're doing a massive lift on an amazing game and probably making pennies from it. If you backed the Kickstarter you may have read the update about the team creating a tool from scratch to help improve the game. That's a BIG DEAL and I think speaks to the talent and dedication of the team.

Which brings me to my next important note that I share as a business owner, specifically about merch. Imagine how much time and money you think it will take to put out a product. Now multiply it by 3, bare minimum. That's what it's like manufacturing a product. What I make isn't even on the scale of this game's merch, and it's still a battle every time.

So many costs and delays are completely out of your hands. We do our manufacturing in house (literally in my house) and even then we had one of our 3d printers die three days before our first show. Suddenly I'm out $350 for a damn printer that I never expected to buy. And if manufacturing for merch is anything like manufacturing for makeup (another special interest) factories will even bump your order for bigger customers. It's brutal.

Sure, you budget for some wiggle room, but there are simply things you can't predict, like ships getting stuck in the Suez canal, or the a global pandemic. You can't predict them and you can't always easily absorb the cost, even though you did nothing wrong. You find yourself making frustrating decisions where you have to do things like balance quality with speed, and being slowed down like that is bloody soul crushing if I'm being honest.

All that is to say I don't think most people are being malicious when they question the way RSS is using the KS funds (some people definitely are and they can walk on flaming Legos) but I also think they may simply be operating without all the information.

And I want to cut some folks off at the pass - before you start talking about transparency, please remember that backing a Kickstarter isn't an investment, it's a gamble. There is no guarantee you'll get what you pay for, and once they've taken your money the devs could buy $900k of silly string and we'd all be out of luck because that's how gambling works.

I think we're going to get a great game from RSS, but they aren't a publicly traded company, we aren't shareholders (I include myself as a day 1 backer) and we don't have any right to ask them for things like financial information. Also why do we want them trying to justify spending instead of perfecting Leander's massive tiddies and Vere's 200 belts?

Anyway sorry, I know that was incredibly long, but I hope it soothes some fears for people who haven't really been sure what's going on, or are simply curious about video game salaries and manufacturing. Please keep in mind the cost of labor, and how many things can be outside of a company's hands. Please don't assume people are greedy or doing a bad job when we haven't even come close to the launch date of the product. How about we all chill and go play the demo again?

Thank you to everyone who gave us feedback regarding our upcoming Patreon! We sincerely apologize for any confusion the announcement caused. The Patreon will be put on pause for now while we reevaluate some things! In the meantime, we ask that you please refrain from posting hostile or threatening messages or sending them to our team members. We greatly appreciate your kindness.

[md3artjournal]

9:15 PM 12/2/2023

I've been thinking of giving up on drawing fanart or even human figures. I just don't have the confidence to compete in the fanart space, doing character art. I barely have confidence to promote myself as an artist of my original art that I've already done. And frankly, I've had so many negative experiences in fandom by now, I feel like I've probably burned bridges I don't know about, and people would not only not want my fanart, but actively disdain the idea of any art coming from me because of my fandom opinions. I mean, one of the top artists in that ship blocked me on Tumblr, after all. (Maybe they didn't like that I like Bottomitri? Maybe they found my hidden posts about enjoying a quick laugh out of jokes about DMCL being teasing, tsundere, and/or flirty, but actually preferring headcanoning them differently. I really don't know.) Like, I already have stickers made of one of my favorite claumitri fanarts, but I'm so reluctant to post in the tags to ask if the fandom wants to buy any, because I feel like that fandom hates me (with a few exceptions).

I've been thinking for some time, about rebranding. I'm thinking of focusing on my sketches of my photography. It's mostly photos of my backyard's flowers and the sky. (Maybe I should go out to Angeles National Forest to take some photos of landscapes. I live across the street from there, after all.) After I found out I couldn't make any merch of my tiger sketches, my best illustrations, because they were based on other people's photos, I started taking my own source photos for reference. But the only subjects I have are my backyard. I'm kind of too socially anxious to leave my house for the past several years. But my flower sketches have turned out pretty well. I just wish I had done more. And I also take photos of the sky: clouds, dusk, etc. So I want to start trying to draw sketches of the sky too.

I subscribe to all these YouTube artists who talk about the small business side of being an artist, and I just don't have the guts to do any of the advice they're giving, because I don't have any confidence in my art. Because I don't have any confidence in myself.

I once told someone that I'll probably WANT to return to an office job, by the time I NEED to return to an office job. (Something like that; I can't remember anymore.) I think I need to return to an office job. I mean, I still have money. But not enough to comfortably outsource and invest in stocking items for sales. I try to hit sticker producers' sales, but I couldn't make the last one in time, and what if it takes a while before the next sale like that in my price range? But if I can't stock enough for a store, then do I just give up? But then I'm still stuck with the same problem I had, when I first decided to try to make my living as an artist:

I just can't be happy not doing art. Even if I'm bad at it. I spent so much time at offices, having excess money, secure with employer sponsored medical insurance, and I had everything everyone said I needed to be happy. Yet, I was still self-destructive and my suicidal ideation crept back. Not as bad as during school---I had improved from cutting myself, to simply digging my nails into my skin or clenching my hands in ways that hurt my joints---but I could feel it coming back again. That's when I decided that if I was too tired after work to do art, and art was what I needed to do to feel life was worthwhile, then art needed to be my job.

But I'm just not good at it. Maybe I don't want it enough. Otherwise, wouldn't I be studying and training more? But I just can't get myself to work hard at it. My dad said once that when you're really into something, you'll automatically find yourself working hard at it without trying. Well, I found myself doing that with art in college. But now, I'm not doing that with art anymore. At least, not at the level I should be. There are people studying so hard in their spare time, that they post astronomical leaps in their 1-year-progression posts on social media. I'm not doing that. Why aren't I working as hard as that?

But I can't go back to an office job. I don't want to go back to feeling suicidal. I don't want to go back to school, because that DEFINITELY made me suicidal and self-destructive (at least at those levels). I don't want to go back to feeling that way again.

But I guess I still have suicidal ideation now. One little mistake today with some grownup responsibilities, and my thoughts are already spiraling about how I'm not cut out for being alive. But if I'm not happy while doing art, nor while not doing art, then maybe I really am not cut out for being alive. I've lost the guts to be actively trying to suicide, as I did when I was in school. But maybe I was onto something. But like I said, I still just don't have the guts for anything. But I'm also not cut-out for being alive.

9:34 PM 12/2/2023

Anyway, I just wanted to remind myself to try sketching my sky/cloud photographs.

11:32 PM 12/4/2023

I've started actually browsing how to get a library job. I've talked several times, on an off, throughout my life, about working at a library. Though, technically, I've already worked at a library during college. It was nice. A lot of times throughout my life, but especially during college, the library was the only place I could be. I had too much social anxiety to go to my dorm and all the communal spaces to hang out were social. (One time, I was racing to study for a test, in one of those communal spaces and religious solicitors took up my precious little study time, trying to recruit me. Ugh.) The library was the only place I could go to be undisturbed, sit down, be warm, and rest---Not that they had enough seating for that, most of the time. But it was still a reprieve my my endless walking around campus, because most spaces aren't built for non-social people. When I was little, I used to be a big bookworm, and constantly beg my mom to drive me to the library again and again. But I learned to hate reading in high school, so I thought I couldn't work at the library. All the library job listings required degrees that looked like they entailed a LOT of reading. And I just can't do that anymore. But my elderly mom got a job at the library for a few years a long time ago, despite her lack of a Library Science degree. So lately I've been reconsidering a quiet life with a library job or any unassuming job, with art as my hobby. Maybe art would be better as a hobby. Less pressure to be on parr with the "competition", and more freedom to feel proud of doing better than me from the past. But then the old fears creep in again about a job taking all my time and energy, until I can't do the things that make my life feel worthwhile, and then I'm self-destructive again.

Anyway, I should at least open an Etsy shop and make some more stickers. I'm really leaning towards rebranding. Maybe into multiple brands, to include my figure photography.

After all, since my figure photography keeps winning contests and features online, then doesn't that mean my best art, the art I should be focusing on, is my figure photography? I've been thinking for a while to start a YouTube side channel for my figure photography. I can be objectively aware that my figure photography isn't exactly the best, especially compared to all the other figure photographers out there. But since it keeps winning recognition, doesn't that mean that people like it enough? Maybe I should be doing something with it? Or at least taking it more seriously. I don't even have an Instagram solely focused on my figure photography! I don't even have a DLSR!

There used to be a figure videography channel I loved called fullOanime, who made figure showcase videos that reminded me of the cosplay music videos that I watched a lot of, at that time. Fulloanime deleted all their figure videos and rebranded, but I always wanted to watch videos like that again. I began to want to make figure videography music videos, like cosplay videographers. (For a long time, I WAS a cosplay videographer. Just not the ones with gyroscopes, making music videos. I just documented cosplay gatherings.) Something for myself to rewatch, the way I used to repeatedly rewatch fullOanime's figure showcases. So often, I see the Nendoroid YouTubers I Follow, talk about how no one is watching their unboxing videos. So even though people have told me that my collection is diverse enough to make a good unboxing channel, I've felt reluctant. (But mostly because i like taking my time, documenting my unboxings for myself, so i can be sure if any damage or missing pieces were like that straight out of the box. I dontwant to redirect focuson turning unboxing into a video, versus documentationfir my records. But also others make it sound hopeless. I don'tneed more of that feeling.) And even the ones doing figure showcases, just aren't using the rewatchable style that fullOanime or cosplay videographers do. It's usually just the figure spinning on a rotating pedestal. Granted, some Nendoroid showcase channels I'm subscribed to, do that well. But I am craving a showcase that is just as interesting as a cosplay music video. I want those videos back, to rewatch over and over, like cosplay music videos or fullOanime's figure showcases. But it's becoming increasingly clear that I guess I'll have to do it myself. But I'm not a film editor! I used to draw comics and people from the animation college would compliment it as "storyboards", but it's been a LONG time since I lost that skill.

So should I make a figure photography YouTube channel about DIY miniature crafts for photoshoot props? Because I do that too. Not to the extent of diorama makers and the figure photographers who assemble entire miniature model buildings from scratch. But just the simple stuff. …Maybe I should make a channel about lazy miniature crafts and the most simple diorama backdrops? lol

Basically, i wonder if I'd be better off with art as just a hobby. I love seeing other artists doing well with their business and making beautiful things. But i don't enjoy knowing that's the bar i have to reach to make a living. Because i can't do it.

[writerswho]

Alternatively, they brought DT back because after they drove the vast majority of actual fans away from the show to appeal to whiny folks like yourself (lowest viewing figures in 30 years), they realised there weren't enough of you to stop the show dying.

It's to appeal to the fans that actually brought them profit until they drove them away. Whiny Tumblr 'fans' that buy knock-off merch from Etsy and care more about who they ship than the show itself just doesn't do that.

You're not talking about the fans, you were talking about the sexists, misogynistic men who got a tantrum over Jodie's choice for the role and didn't even bother to watch her episodes because their egos are too fragile to simply accept that Thirteenth is a woman.

Oh, and Doctor Who remains the BBC's most profitable thing, I may not remember the exact figures, but I'm sure over half the company's profit last year came from Doctor Who alone. 

And the BBC has never droved away any 'fans', because in these last few years they have shoved Tenth content up everyone's arse. Tenth has more content releasing during the Thirteenth era than during his own era and then Thirteenth herself. 

BBC and RTD are cowards who want to please people who have spent the last few years insulting Thirteenth, Thirteenth's fans, Jodie and the rest of the cast. RTD had to come back because these people who spent the last few years attacking Chibnall created an atmosphere where no one wanted to be the showrunner because they make anyone's life a living hell, be it fan, actor or someone in production, and the BBC does nothing. 

Don't come here and say this is about 'the real fans', because it's not. Real fans watch the series even when it's shit, real fans make excuses for the silliest things because they love the show, but have no problem pointing out the mistakes. Real fan doesn't throw a tantrum because a shape-shifting gender-fluid alien character received her first female version after over fifty years and thirteen male versions in the main universe — and who knows how many more in the extended universe —, real fan doesn't attack anyone who likes a character who isn't their favourite, real fan doesn't harass people for liking something they don't like.

So, don't tell me about real fans, because you're certainly not one.

[mediocre-daydreams]

🎏 (marauders please :>) hi!! my name is sofia (she/her), i’m straight and 17 years old. i love reading books, playing sports, and listening to music. i’m quite talkative but i do love listening to people tell stories! happy 600 <3

𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬!

i think the two of you would be friends for a while before getting together; since sirius struggles with vulnerability, having you by his side for a few years would make it a lot easier for him to open up and tell you how he felt about you.

sirius is deeeefinitely a music snob, and if you liked the same music as him, he’d probably buy you concert tickets with that good ol’ black family fortune and get you merch and vinyls and all that limited edition stuff. before you guys became official, i could see him casually getting you front row concert tickets and asking you out. he’d pretend like it wasn’t a big deal, but internally he’d spent at least a week hyping himself up and another week or two trying to score the tickets.

but if you had different music taste, he’d want you to introduce him to everything. he’d probably ask to borrow your music more often than you listened to it yourself because to him, music was very personal. whenever he was stuck at grimmauld place, he’d listen to his metal and punk rock as a form of self expression, so he’d be really touched if you let him listen to your music.

he’d be ALL OVER YOU if you came to his quidditch matches. (but who are we kidding, you’d never miss one anyway. he just looks too good in that uniform.) as his friend, you’d been attending his games for years, but when you started dating, he got really nervous and asked you to come to his game all stutter-y and blushy. (you said yes, of course.) you, lily, dorcas, and mary would make huge signs for your respective partners and charm them to be extra bright and obnoxious. you’d be a menace to the people behind you in the stands but after the game, sirius would run up to you and shower you in kisses, telling you how much he appreciated your support.

sirius is secretly a total softie. he puts on this bad-boy persona, but i think it’s because he’s scared to get his hopes up about love after not having it for so long. even though he’s not the best student, he was raised learning french and the classics, so he’d read poetry to you if you liked it. (once he got comfortable enough with you, he’d write you poetry too. but he’d hide it under his bed until you were helping him clean his room one day and found it.)

you two would be such a hogwarts power couple. you seem super charming and sociable, and sirius is a huge flirt and always needs eyes on him. together, i think people would fawn over the way sirius softens up for you and the way you’re the only one who can tell him what to do. my man is such a simp. (maybe even bigger than james…. :000)

i'm tryna think of what ur ship name would be. ssofia? ssirius? sofirius??? sirfia?? blofia??? slack???/

[theji]

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

[let-me-luve-you]

Overlooked and Overworked

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: Being Tom Holland’s little sister was great growing up, but after his success she’s a little left behind. Y/N Holland is willing to do whatever for her family because she loves them.

Warnings: Angst, fluff ending, rude Tom, overworked, sleep deprived

A/N: I don’t think Tom or any of the members of the Holland’s would allow this to happen to any member of their family or friends, I just had this idea and wrote it. Also I wrote this back in like January and just now got the guts to post it!

MASTERLIST    BUY ME A COFFEE

The past couple of years for you have been an emotional roller coaster. You’ve been so excited and happy to see your brother succeed in his career. It’s always fun to see him on the big screen as someone else. But it’s also been tiring and sad because you feel left out. You don’t get to go to set often, you don’t get to travel with him, and you aren’t a part of his charity. The Brothers Trust is just him and your 3 other brothers. Given you help out way more than all of the brothers. Since you went to school for business, you help your mum and dad with both of their businesses and then run The Brothers Trust.

Tom is the oldest, then it’s you, the twins, and then Paddy. You’re only a year and a half younger than Tom. You were very close growing up, but once he started doing movies, you slowly grew apart. Him and the twins then grew closer. You loved him dearly but it just wasn’t the same since you never felt included. He took Harry to sets with him and on press tours. Sam would join along when he wasn’t working at the restaurant. Paddy would join during school breaks. But every time you would try to join him, he would say no. That he was too busy or too tired. You didn’t want to fight him but you were always crushed.

When he got the role of Spiderman, he decided then he wanted to move out into his own apartment. You offered to help him find a place since you had been looking for yourself. You offered to share a place and split rent but he said he wanted to be completely on his own. But shortly after he moved into his new 4 bedroom apartment, he had Harrison, Tuwaine, Sam, and Harry move in.

“The twins are moving in with Tom. Can you help pack and move them this weekend?” Your dad asked.

“What? They’re moving in with Tom? I thought he wanted his own space?” You asked him.

“He said he wanted to be around people because it was too lonely and quiet. Did you ever find a place? If so, you may want roommates too.”

“No I realized I can’t afford a place in a nice area to live alone. All my mates have moved off to continue their education or they have jobs else where.” You said sadly.

“Tom should of asked you then. I’m sorry y/n/n.”

“It’s fine. He hangs out with all four of them all the time. I would of just been in the way.” You said as you got up and left the room.

It’s been a couple of years and you still can’t afford to get your own place. Between helping run three businesses, you don’t have time to get a part time job. You pay your parents for rent and help pay bills so you are doing adult things. Plus it helps your parents financially. It’s busy season since your mum is picking up gigs for photoshoots, your dad is on tour for standup and his new book, plus you are planning a movie event through the trust as well as trying to get all the merch bagged and shipped. You have been working 14-15 hour days for the past 3 weeks without a day off. You are feeling the tiredness mentally and physically.

Tom has time off from the movie he is filming now. They gave him a month off for the holidays. Him and Harry have been home but all they have done is hung out with friends and go to the pub. You have been holed up in your office/bedroom for 3 days straight. Only to go out to the bathroom and kitchen to grab food.

“Where has y/n been? I haven’t seen much of her since we got home.” Harry asks Tom.

“She might be finalizing the Spies in Disguise event and getting things ready.” Tom responded.  

“Oh good. Y/n is great at getting a head start on things so I’m guessing she’s done with all the prep and souvenirs.” Harry smiled. Tom laughed in response.

On Christmas Day, you only came out of your room for breakfast and lunch and then went back in your room to work. No one noticed the bags under your eyes that you tried to hide with makeup. No one noticed you almost falling asleep at the table. No one thought twice about why you spent most of Christmas alone in your room. But you were behind. You still had a lot of orders to fulfill and send out. You still had get all of the souvenirs together for the event that was in two days. You still had to finish sending out your dads orders for his book as well as finalize his January travel plans and stand up dates. Your mum had booked 12 more shoots and you had to finalize times and dates. And everything was supposed to be done in the next week. You finally caved and decided to ask Tom for help since it was his event after all.

“Hey Tom can I have you help me out for a little bit?” You asked him Christmas evening.

“Do you need me tonight?” He asked.

“If you can that would be great.”

“Sorry y/n/n. I can’t. I’m meeting to boys at the apartment.”

“Well maybe they can help too.” You sounded hopeful to get more help to lighten your load.

“No can do. We have drinks and plans.”

“Well then can you come tomorrow morning or early afternoon?”

“Can’t. I have a meeting with my manager to discuss everything that’s coming up and then all of us at the apartment and Paddy are going into the city. Maybe I can help you after the event?”

“No it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.” You said sadly as you turned to go back to your room.

“What about Paddy? Or mum or dad?” He asked.

“Paddy has football that mum is taking him to before she does a shoot tomorrow. Dad is working on some other stuff for his January shows.”

“Sam or Harry?”

“Well both will be with you tonight and tomorrow.”

“What about in the morning?”

“Sam has to work remember. And I think Harry is meeting with some mates to catch up with them or something along those lines. It’s fine. I’ve got it handled. Have fun tonight and tomorrow. Be safe. Love you.” You turned and almost ran back to your room. You wanted to break down in tears from being overwhelmed and for not being included in any of Tom’s plans of hanging out and catching up. You’ve barely seen Tom in the past year. Only when he’s in London. You shook the thoughts of your brother out of your head and pulled out a sheet of paper. You wrote down everything that needed to be done. Then on your white board, wrote them down in most important the least important.

First up was getting all of the brothers trust bags done. You went to the storage closest and pulled out everything you would need and set the boxes on your bed. Then you went and grabbed a tote to put the finished product in. It took you until 4 am, but you finally finished putting them together. You went into the kitchen and made you some tea. You went back in your room and marked the brothers trust goody bags off of your list. Next you started finalizing plans for your mum. That just involved organizing times and dates. You finished that around 1030 am. You marked that off the list as well.

Before you emailed all of the clients their dates and times, you went to the kitchen to grab and snack and drink. Your mum was in the kitchen.

“Morning love.” She smiled at you.

“Morning.” You said back waiting on your tea.

“So I’m going to drop Paddy off at football in 20 minutes and then Tom will pick him up to go into the city. I have to go to my shoot. Do you have the invoice I can give them?”

“I do.” You rushed to your room and grabbed it from a folder then went back and handed it to her. “Everything is on there. The deposit has been paid and it shows that as well as the price for the shoot and the editing. It also gives the timeline of when they will get the pictures.”

“Great. This is wonderful. Thank you. Also the theater called and said we can set it up today at 3 pm. Are you okay to handle that on your own?”

You sighed but answered, “yes I can handle it. I finished the bags last night. I just need to print off the papers to put on the seats as well. Plus get the itinerary finished which I will have by tonight so Tom knows what’s going on.”

“That’s great. I’ll be there to take photos as well as Harry but the boys will all be busy with fans and making sure they all feel special.”

“Sounds good. Have fun on your shoot.”

Your mum smiled as her and paddy left the house. You went back into your room and emailed everyone for your mum. Then you printed the brothers trust sheets that said what the event was supporting and how we were thankful for their donations. As those were printing you forgot you had to pick up an order of pictures so Tom could sign them for the guest coming to the screening. You looked up and saw that it was 130 and if you were going to be on time you needed to leave in the next 15 minutes.

After you loaded the goody bags into your car, you drove the 20 minutes to the print shop to pick up the pictures. You then went to the theater and set everything out. It took 45 minutes to lay everything out and make sure it was perfect. You then snagged some photos for Instagram and posted them. By the time you got home it was just shy of 5. You went straight to your room to finalize the itinerary. At 8 pm your mum knocked on the door.

“Hey baby. I’m back. How did everything go setting up wise?”

“It was good. Took longer than expected but wasn’t too bad for being the only one there. Also here is the itinerary for you and dad. I also have one for each of the boys.”

“Wow. This is detailed perfectly.”

“It kind of had to be since Tom has an event to go to tomorrow night and he can’t be late. I figured the more detailed, the less things can go wrong.”

“Fair point. Love I’m not sure if the boys notice the work you put in, but I do. Have you slept yet?”

You looked at her shocked, “what do you mean?”

“I mean that I can tell you are exhausted. I woke up at 2 am last night and heard you in here and saw your light was still on.” She paused and looked at your long list on the white board. “And by the looks of it, you have a long to do list. Do you need help? After we get through the event I can help. I don’t have a shoot for a couple of days.”

“I appreciate mum, but this list needs to be done by then. And everything you can help me with will be done already. But thank you.”

“Did you ask your brothers to help? I mean this is there thing. They should be helping you. Not leaving it to you to do yourself.”

“I asked Tom to help so I could have him do the goody bags for tomorrow but he had a guys night with Sam and Harry and them last night. Then they were all busy this morning and then went into the city. But it’s fine. I did the bags last night. That’s what you heard when you woke up.”

“I’m sorry baby. I’m going to have a talk with him. Have you had a break to just hangout with Tom. I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen him.”

“No he’s always in a meeting or with the boys. But if Tom wanted to see me, he’d make time but when I try, he can’t. But with all this work, I haven’t really done much outside of this room in a while so it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You both used to be so close. Almost like you were twins. Weirdly enough closer than the twins have ever been. I hope you two can work whatever this is out.”

“Me too mum. Me too.” You looked at her as she slowly walked out.

After your mum left the room, you got back to work finalizing your dads stuff. Thankfully it was only 12 am when you finished. Deciding to pack all of the orders so you can drop them off to be shipped in the morning, you went and grabbed everything you would need from the storage closet and got to work. You stayed up all night working. You finally finished all the orders at 9 am. When you realized the time you rushed to get dressed and cleaned up as best you could. By 10 am you were out the door to go to the post office to ship the orders and then you were off to the theater to make sure everything was set. By 1pm the rest of your family showed up. And by 2 the theater was full of people who were excited to see the brothers and the movie.

People knew who you were. Everyone knew Tom had a sister. But you did great staying out of the eye of people. None of your brothers posted much about you on social. Your dad mainly posted about Tom and the brothers golf adventures. Your mum would occasionally when she made you model when she was trying something new. So when people arrived, they walk past you and straight to the four brothers who were ready to greet everyone.

When the event started, you weren’t really needed so you went to a back room they had set up for your brothers to relax away from people and sat on the couch. Not sleeping since Christmas Eve was starting to catch up with you but some how you forced yourself to stay awake.

“Y/n we have a problem.” Your youngest brother said as he came in the room. “The movie hasn’t started yet and it was supposed to 15 minutes ago.”

“Okay I’ll go see what’s going on.” You went to the manager of the theater and she explained to you how the light in the projector went out and it was going to be another 20 minutes before it started. She apologized multiple times.

“Hey Tom. Can you do a q&a for 20 minutes or so?”

“No the movie is supposed to be on.”

“They are having technical difficulties and it’s going to take 20 minutes to fix it.”

Tom got annoyed because he knew this was pushing the entire timeline back and it was now be pushing it for him to be on time for his event tonight. “Sure.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when we are good to go.”

After 30 minutes. The movie was finally ready to go. Every one was enjoying it and all four of your brothers moved around the theater so the kids felt like they were watching the movie with them personally. When it was over everyone was ushered into a lobby where there was a meet and greet with photos. By the time the boys were done with everyone, it was 20 minutes until Toms next event.

“Great. I’m going to be late. Thanks for that y/n. Why didn’t you have them check everything yesterday?”

“Because I didn’t think of it.”

“So stupid. How could you not think of it? It’s literally the first thing on the list of things to check when prepping the theater. Do your job better. Thats what you are paid to do. I’ll see you later.” Tom rolled his eyes and stormed off. You just stared feeling humiliated since the theater staff and your family had witnessed that. You were holding in your emotional breakdown until you could do it in private.

“Sorry guys. Y’all can go ahead and head out. I’ll clean this up and bring home whatever is ours.” Sam, Harry, and Paddy saw this as a get of jail free card and booked it out of the theater. Your dad came by and kissed you on the head and said I have to finish up some work and headed out. Your mum looked at you sadly.

“I’ll help you baby.”

“No it’s okay mum. Go edit the photos so we can get them sent out.” You smiled at her.

“It’s okay. I can do them later tonight.”

“Mum seriously. Go home. I got this. I’ll be home later. You kissed her on the cheek as you walked back in the theater. You thankfully left the tote yesterday which made it easier to put everything in. You put the tote in your car and headed back in the theater to sweep and clean up the mess. By the time you got home, it was 9 pm. You had been up for 61 hours straight. You were exhausted. You just wanted to sleep. But Tom was home and he was livid.

“What the hell?” He asked.

“What?” You asked back.

“You know I got yelled at by my manger for 30 minutes about how I was irresponsible and immature for being almost a hour late to the event tonight?”

“Why did you get yelled at? You were doing stuff for charity. He should get over it.”

“He was mad because SOMEONE told him I would be done with our event in plenty of time to go to this other one. And when I told him there was technical difficulties because that same SOMEONE didn’t do their job, he got even more mad.”

“I get that I probably should of checked but things happen Tom. Okay? Things I can’t control. Things the theater can’t control. I did this entire event by myself. Sorry for not checking but other than the delay the people loved it and we raised money which is okay because our charity now can help so many more.”

“You didn’t do this by yourself. We all help. And our charity? Our? You mean mine? Sams? Harry’s? Paddys? It’s our faces that make that charity. And when something goes wrong we are the ones that look bad. Not the person behind the scenes that only does some of the work.”

You looked at him like he was a stranger. What he said broke your heart. That’s what he really thought? You just shook your head lightly and walked to your room. You shut the door and locked it.

“Really Tom?” Your mum asked as her and your dad walked in during the argument.

“Yeah mum. We do all the work and she’s trying to take the credit. We’ve all noticed and it’s getting out of hand. You do more than she does.”

“Tom I’m extremely disappointed in you right now.” Your dad said.

“Tom she does all of the work. The planning, the scheduling, the packaging, social media, distributing the money, and figuring out all the ways we can make money to help those smaller charities.” Your mum added.

“She does?”

“Yes Tom. On top of helping me and your father with our businesses. We’ve seen you more than her this past month because she’s been so busy.” Your mum said.

“Wow.”

“Did you know she was up until 4 am on Christmas night so she could finish the goody bags before we had to prep the theater. That she had those pictures printed so you could sign them for the guest. That she made an itinerary so detailed that nothing could go wrong. Except she didn’t account for technical difficulties. She set up the theater and cleaned the theater all by herself. None of us helped her. We just showed up for the event.” Your mum said.

“Tom have you not noticed how exhausted she looks? It looks like she hasn’t slept in days. She’s trying her best to handle everything so we can have everything run smoothly for us. She even mentioned your event and how she needed to get you out of there so you wouldn’t be late. We’ve all been horrible to her by letting her do this by herself.” Your dad said.

“I... I didn’t know. I’m going to go talk to her.”

Tom got up and knocked on your door. He couldn’t hear anything so he tried opening it. He noticed it was locked and went to his old room and found the key you gave him years ago. When he unlocked it he noticed the mess around your room of boxes, plastic, mail bags for packages, and stacks of papers. He saw you on your bed and saw you were asleep. He went over and tucked you in. He went to your desk and saw the white board with everything marked off under the to do list. He then looked on your desk and saw how your mum and dads plans were finalized. He knew you mentioned everything when you asked him for help Christmas night and now you were done with it. Even all the orders were done and he saw the receipt from the post office proving the orders were shipped. He felt horrible knowing the only way that you got everything done was by staying up all night.

He turned and walked back to you and finally noticed the bags under your eyes. As well as tear stains that he knows he’s the cause for. It broke his heart knowing he was the cause. It also broke knowing that you asked for help so you wouldn’t fall in the deep end, but by saying he couldn’t help, he pushed you in and watched you drown without even realizing.

He gave you a kiss on the head and got up and quietly walked out.

“What time did y/n wake up on Christmas Day?”

“From what we know, maybe around 8 or 9.” Your dad said. Tom sat there quietly while doing the math in his head.

“61 hours.” He suddenly said.

“What?” Your mum said.

“61 hours. That’s how long she went without sleep. She asked me for help and told me why and I said no. She’s finished the list. She’s organized both of your stuff. She’s packed and shipped out all of the orders. She did everything for the event. She hasn’t slept. She’s asleep now but it was 61 hours. How could I let my sister do that? How did I not see it?” Tom asked his parents. They looked at him in shock.

“My poor baby” your mum said.

“We will talk to her tomorrow when she wakes up.” Your dad said.

“I want to be here when she wakes up so I can apologize. I’m going to go see her again.”

He got up and walked to your room. He quietly started cleaning up the mess left from packaging orders. He then laid on the other side of your bed thinking about how he messed up so bad. Shortly after he fell asleep too.

-——————

Around 7 am you woke up still exhausted but you needed a glass of water. When you went to throw the blanket off of you, you saw Tom asleep in your bed still in his clothes from the night before.

You were confused as to why he was in your bed, but you chose to ignore him. You stood up and went to the kitchen. Your mum was already cooking breakfast.

“Morning baby. How’d you sleep?” Your mum asked.

“Alright. I’m probably going to catch a few more hours. Just needed water.” You said. “By the way, do you know why Tom is in my bed?”

“He felt bad about how he has treated you lately.” She said. “He figured out you went 60 something hours without sleep.”

You looked at her shocked and sat down. She came over and gave you a hug.

“Why did you do that to yourself? Why didn’t you ask for help?” Your dad said as he joined both of you in the kitchen.

“You were working on new stuff. Mum had shoots and a house to run. I asked Tom and thought maybe him and the boys could help but they had plans. It needed to be done before the new year and definitely needed to be done before the event.”

“We appreciate you so much baby girl. I hope you know that. You do a lot for this family and this family isn’t great at giving back. We do love you.” Your mum said as she gave you a kiss on the head. “Now please go get some sleep. Sleep all day if you’d like and I can bring you food later.”

You smiled at her and walked back to your room. Tom still hadn’t moved. You sat your water on your bedside table and crawled back under the covers. You turned your back towards Tom. You were still really saddened by his words last night, that you didn’t want to face him yet.

“Y/n/n are you awake?” You heard Tom whisper.

“Go back to sleep or get out.” You said back not opening your eyes.

“I’m sorry y/n. What I said last night was wrong. I didn’t realize you do everything for our trust. I thought mum and dad did it all. I know you’ve been killing yourself to try and catch up then get ahead, but you can’t do that to yourself. You need proper rest. I’m going to make sure you never do the 61 hours straight again. I’d rather myself do it before I let you do it again.”

“Tom it’s okay. But seriously. Leave or go back to sleep.”

“No it’s not okay. I’ve royally fucked up. I’ve let us get so far apart we are almost strangers to one another. I have a charity that doesn’t even have your name on it and you do all the work. You make sure my fans are happy as well as making sure we help other small charities. You’re absolutely amazing and I’ve treated you like shit for the last few years. I don’t even give you the time of day. I promise you this, I will do better. We will be like we used to. Even if I have to kidnap you and take you with me different places. I love you and I don’t want to be the one hurting you anymore.”

You rolled over and looked at him with tears in your eyes. Your brother finally recognized you for you. He finally realized what he’s done.

“Thank you Tom. I love you too.”

He smiled at you and leaned over to give you a hug and kiss on the forehead.

“It really means a lot that you said that. But can I please go back to sleep. I’m still exhausted.” You said.

Tom pulled you to him so your head was on his chest and shoulder. And he cuddled you so you felt protected from all the horrible things that can go wrong for you.

“Get some sleep and when you wake up, me and you will hang out. Just the two of us.” Tom said. You smiled as you drifted back to sleep.

[missholoska]

Hello, I send you a greeting from Latin America ♡. These are my questions: Which AU do you like the most? What things motivated you to love Soriel? (Sorry for my bad English)

your english is fine, don't worry!!

I'm sure it's no surprise that Underswap is absolutely my favourite AU, I can't say every version out there appeals to me but I love the amount of creativity that's possible with it! Canonswap was super charming and working on my own headcanons has been some of the most fun I've had in this fandom ;v;

as for the Soriel question... apologies for how incredibly long this got but I have so much to say about them

I love both characters individually as they're my top 2 favourites, and I'm usually fond of my faves' close relationships in general, but Sans and Toriel's friendship in particular is just adorable :'> I don't think it's a stretch to say they're each other's best friends in canon (or at least non-related best friend in Sans' case), and I love the subtle positive impact they have on each other's lives.

on Sans' side of the ship, I've talked before about how a lot of Soriel hate will say he's too lazy to put in any effort for Toriel, and I think this criticism just... isn't even accurate to canon? he quite happily puts in the effort to visit her door day after day, he promises to watch over and protect a human for her sake (say what you will about how well he protects them, but he does indeed follow and keep an eye on them for the rest of the game, only breaking that promise if they become the worst possible person), and the implication that he buys snail-shaped pasta and tries baking a pie because of her speaks volumes. she does inspire him to put effort into things, be it for her happiness or to share the things she enjoys 💙

meanwhile I think Toriel's side of the ship is hugely underrated, even if it's understandable since most of what we know about them comes from Sans' point of view. but her side is arguably more meaningful in my opinion - Toriel is heavily implied to distrust monsterkind (which is a tangent for another day), so much so that every monster in the Ruins is too intimidated to talk to her and she's spent potentially a whole century almost entirely alone, until someone happens to knock on her door. she howls with laughter for the first time in a hundred years, she writes down jokes for him, gives him the recipe for her signature pie, listens to how much he loves his brother, and eventually trusts him enough to ask a promise that goes against everything monsterkind has been hoping for. I can't get over how much it must have meant for her, to feel able to trust another monster after turning her back on her own kind for so many years 💜

and the bond she has with him is so good for her!! so often the fandom will reduce Toriel's character to just Mother™, and while she clearly loves caring for children, she deserves the time to be herself around other adults too. and clearly no one brings out her fun side like Sans does - she's perfectly comfortable getting drunk around him, fighting him over her phone and goofing around even when it annoys others. they're so cozy and dorky together aaaa

all that said I don't consider any of these points about their relationship to be canonically romantic, but Toby sure does keep making a point of including interactions between them in other materials. like the pizza frisbee incident in the 1st anniversary Q&A, several moments between them in the 5th anniversary alarm clock dialogue, Toriel wearing Sans' merch in the intermission of the 5th anniversary concert, Sans implying in the Xbox-exclusive dialogue that he wanted to find a video game she'd like, the accursed "befriended" line that outright jokes about them being more than platonic, and just this past week I've seen people complain about them seemingly flirting via puns in Deltarune chapter 2. I feel like it says something when even people who genuinely hate the ship see it as Toby pushing Soriel romantically ahah

anyway I've rambled far too much so I hope that explains more than enough :'D my love for Soriel is entirely based on how much I adore their canon friendship, and my ideal take on their relationship if it became romantic doesn't really change much of that at all. ultimately they're both positive influences on each other's lives and I want them to be happy together, that's all 💕

[peachymess]

just wondering, is armin not your most favourite character anymore? (you don't have to answer if you do not want to :) )

He is and he always will be. Armin is on a whole other level, he’s my fictional son, I have his name tattoo’d on my arm, he saved my life, I lit a candle for him every day for - god, how many years - to pray for his fate and happy ending.

I know I don’t share my love for him as much online anymore, but that is in no way correlated with how much I love him. Ever since SNK ended, I’ve moved on with my life. I’ve entered a new chapter. And while nothing can rock my love for Armin, the series as a whole does no longer hold center stage for me (to the same degree). Which is very, very good. For so many years, it was my coping mechanism. I needed SNK to survive. At the time, it was the lesser of two evils - death or obsession. Now, I’ve found my path to walk and I’ve made my choice never to commit aliven’t no matter how hard it can get with this ever returning depression (the tattoo marks my choice).

I’m not going to lie to you, anon. SNK’s ending left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. The only character’s ending I’m happy with is Armin’s. It’s the only ending I needed, and I’m happy he has a friend there who truly respects him and who he vibes with. But… it hurt. I’ve had a painful fallout with EMA. I’m left looking back with heartache and confusion. I’m not going to add on to an old and festered discussion, but I feel like the ending never made up for the instances of EM neglect of A, and I just can’t forgive it. I remember the first few times watching the series, I didn’t like Mikasa because of her treatment of Armin. But then I got into it, got swept away with the idea of just having misunderstood her, and then in the end… I’m left feeling like my initial take was correct. And Eren. His ideal life being him running away and never even caring enough to notify Armin? Letting your “best friend” worry and hurt for the rest of his life? People thought it was a joke. But Isayama never came around to mend it. It was canon. And all the shit he did, there was no underlying plan. He just straight up wanted to, after all. Misguided, yes. Confused, young and in pain. And “wanted to” is perhaps wrong. But… his reasoning was so poor and his outlook so childish, that I’m left just… not interested in lingering. So, all in all, I just don’t really want to spend my time on M and E. And if you take away them - even avoid them - there perhaps is no wonder, why I’m no longer so keen on spending my time with 104. I love Connie. And Levi. (And Sasha.) But the rest of them…? The reason you see me fawning over Marley now, is that it’s much less explored by me, and thus much more interesting. Dynamics to explore, ever new POVs to consider. So much left open to guess and interpretation. It’s a well, while 104 is spent. But: it’s also low-stakes. No painful character dynamics, hardly anyone I’m invested in past the healthy amount (with exception of my comfort ship, which… if you’ve ever had a comfort ship, you know how nice that is). Not to mention, the story is over so I don’t have to worry about what will happen.

So if my focus on Marley is what makes you think Armin’s no longer my favorite, know that it’s not so. And that the two are not mutually exclusive.

And as for the pin-ask the other day: in my obsession, I bought way too much SNK merch these past few years and I’m actually wanting of selling off some. That’s why I’m hesitant to buy more 😂

[poetrusicperry]

some writing

basically, these posts are just a lot of ideas and things i had in my head after reading all the details people gave me about themselves. they might seem pretty hectic and a bit long, but i hope i did ok and i hope you like them !! there is a ship, there are hcs, and a little blurb about the ship at the end. 

for the lovely @spchxy– thank you for the inspiration, ally !! <3

ship:

first of all, i feel super inclined to say that i think i’d ship you w todd. i’m not really sure why, but i can’t get that thought out of my head when reading all the details you shared about yourself (: you guys just seem like you’d be one of those cute, quiet couples that never needed to try hard to express how much you both cared for each other; you both just sort of knew and thoroughly enjoyed the other’s company.

hc:

somehow i feel you’d be able to bond with neil over cats ? like both of you would just adore them, and you’d even find a stray around campus that you would take turns feeding every night, sneaking something out of the dining hall.

charlie is either a complete morning person or he sleeps in til 12 (usually on weekends), but when he gets up at the crack of dawn just because, he’ll come bother you to come hang out with him on the grounds or something, which you’d only allow because he’d somehow sneak a mug of coffee for you from the kitchen.

you and charlie both had a habit of drinking way too much coffee during night study groups, which led to you two staying up into all hours of the night just talking or sneaking out and exploring the town around campus.

during your time at welton, you had successfully stolen at least one sweater from each of the boys, and they all noticed, but the only ones who ever mentioned it to you were knox and neil. todd noticed, too, but with his painfully obvious soft spot for you, he never minded.

you pretty much did charlie’s hw for him the entirety of senior year, as his senioritis had reached a level that not even meeks could pull him out of LOL

lots of movies w the poets and pitts had a huge stash of popcorn that you guys quickly depleted throughout the year (even warranting a trip to the grocery store to buy more halfway through the year lol).

if you were ever feeling bad, todd would want to be there for you, but he never really knew why, so he would just hang around you and lay with you (after asking you if that was okay, and confirming multiple times that it was ok [we love a gentleman]). you found that just fine, too. somehow just being in todd’s presence was enough to ease whatever mental or physical discomfort you were in.

on graduation day, neil gifted you his green sweater™ stating, “it has served its purpose for me for the past four years, and i know how much you love it” when you asked him if he was sure you could have it.

todd gifted you a handful of various russian books (that he had read and annotated previously just to have things to talk about with you (‘: ), and were very obviously wrapped by todd himself in newspaper. also got you a stationery set so you would write to him when you both were away at college (what’s funny is that you got him one, too, for the exact same reason, but you both were going to write anyway).

charlie made you both matching keychains that included a flashlight and compass (claiming that you’d need both when you decided to go on late night adventures in college). he also stole you one of the mugs from the kitchen to take with you to college (:

knox would give you the rest of his welton sweaters, as he decided he needed more room in his closet for his college merch, and he knew just how much you loved to take them anyway.

blurb:

as nice as the days around campus were, night was even better, and early mornings exceeded both. there was something about being the first one awake, or being able to take in the dawn’s silence fully; no bustling cars, no shouting students, just a pleasant lack of life’s general soundtrack. often, you would find yourself sitting up on the roof of welton before the clock even read 5:30a.m. with your copy of dr. zhivago (or whichever russian author whose book you had chosen to invest yourself in that week) and a plain mug of hot coffee from the cafeteria in tow, you would make your way up to the roof, always completely unsurprised upon finding todd up there as well.

it was your first year at welton after transferring from a different private school in vermont, but in your short time there so far, you had somehow been introduced to a painfully shy boy, todd anderson, who sat next to her in chemistry. on the first day of classes, todd had accidentally knocked your notebook off the desk by bumping into it on his way to sit down, which he almost immediately apologized for, stuttering the entire way through his sentiment. since then, however, after you'd sworn up and down that it wasn’t a big deal, they became pretty comfortable being seat buddies. as the weeks went on, and the air cooled slightly, you found todd talking to you more (or at least making an effort– sometimes he would just get too nervous or shy). apparently, as you had found out later, neil had been goading todd to talk to you for a really long time, and giving him tips. nothing was ever labeled or officially set that you two were dating, but it was pretty evident to everyone around you that you two shared a way more special bond than just chemistry deskmates. you two spent a lot of time together, filled with lots of literary talk, or just enjoying each other’s company while working on other things or, pretty often, you would also just sit in silence leaning into each other while hanging out with the other poets.

on this particular morning, though, todd just wanted your company, so he sat with you while you read (after a sleepy sounding “good morning, ally. y-you look cute in that sweater” [which was his bc you stole it]), admiring the way your eyes scanned the pages and how every once in a while you’d re-read a section a couple of times, marking it for future analysis (let’s be honest, he’d be completely enamored with you no matter the time of day or activity). when it got closer to 7a.m., he’d nudge you a little and you two would descend back to the dorms talking about the previous night, get ready for the day, and have breakfast together with the poets.

overall, you and todd would just be such a cute, pure couple enjoying the small things, drinking copious amounts of coffee and tea, sharing sweatshirts, discussing books, telling todd all about your love for cats, and creating a really nice communicative atmosphere in your relationship (:

[plagg-wants-cheese]

i want you guys to know the reason of why I can't get doc martens. ✨Not living in America✨

"Where are you from?"

"UGH, America"

Yeah politically if you will but thinking that America is the only place in the world with shitty politics is why I should say, ugh America.

Im not here to talk about politics just that Americans talk shit about America like I talk shit about my country but don't realize how much stuff you guys have that we dont. I started this because of doc martens but like this country is shit in such a deep level that there are not fucking art schools in my country even if I had jeff bezos money to pay for the tuition I couldn't because the nearest thing I have to an art school is graphic design and that is shit, but like what about people who want to study arts, theater, making fucking props for theater, designing clothes? you can cry yourself to sleep because your only escape is leaving the country which is so fucking difficult. AND THE FACT THAT MY DAD KEEPS TELLING ME SHIT LIKE "YOU HAVE TO GROW UP YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO ART SCHOOL" IS NOT FUCKING HELPING

And not to finish there because I know not everyone is like that but at what age did you guys learn the word gay? I'm not saying everyone is the same but my little cousin who lives in America and is 7 knows what gay means and that he should never say the f slur. I found out what gay means, like the fucking dictionary meaning at the age 13 and not because people would discuss gay marriage, no, no, but because of fucking wattpad and I don't wanna hear any joke about it really, my friend found out she could like girls through anime and nobody taught her anything so she thought her sexuality was "Yuri", huh. Some of you yell a lot about brands being full on rainbow only June and I am part of that because I believe it's harmful but I would have liked to go to the mall with my mom after I found out I liked girls and see rainbows there and like not feeling COMPLETELY alone. I really want you guys to understand that there are people, sixteen years olds that would look at someone dressed in the rainbow flag and would say cute rainbow because there are people that don't know anything really and I'm not here telling you that latinos are like sooo un developed we live like animals or whatever but yeah that's just something. And going back to the fucking doc martens what about merch I am lucky that I can go the us and I know if you go to any mall you find fucking Taylor swift merch anywhere, I know because I bought stuff for my friends and even if I didn't find it I could have bought it online and get free shipping or pay like maximum 5 dollars for the shipping, in this fucking country I couldn't find one single item related to Taylor swift in the only mall we have or tiktok or Facebook shops. Nothing. So I basically can't get my friends Christmas gifts of that type.

And now, the doc martens, I had already convinced myself that getting docs was completely impossible, just a dream, but I saw my friend wearing not docs but ones that looked kinda alike and was like, let's not lose hope so I told my mom "can I get these shoes? I will pay for them" and she said she could buy me those I didn't have to pay for them, so I love my mom, so we spent like a whole WEEK looking for doc martens, I went to every single shoe store my mom knows and listen, my mom knows every single shop in this city because she loves fashion and, good for her but we didn't find anything, I asked my friend where she got hers and she told me the store and turns out they didn't have my size, just my size, anything else they had, and there was just one type of martens boots. I WASN'T SO disappointed because they weren't really doc martens. You give my mom a job and she shows results and nothing else so after we went to every store, we started looking up in online stores that have to be from the country if you dont want to pay 50 dollars for shipping and EVENTUALLY like after HOURS we found a girl that sells shoes and they looked like docs, I, because I've spent a lot, LOT, of time (crying) looking at the doc martens website would easily realize that those are not really docs but they looked so alike that I was already gonna pay and I was three seconds away from crying because we couldn't find fucking shoes and voila TURNS OUT THEY HAD EVERY SIZE EXCEPT MINE so I cried and you'd say it's stupid to cry for shoes (but Vanessa I am a material gurl-) but at this point it wasn't really about the shoes??? It was because there IS NOTHING in my country. Like how fucking undeveloped you have to be to not HAVE S H O E S. So I told myself to forget about it, we were better when I didn't even tried so hm. But then I saw three fucking videos about my tiktok mutuals getting new docs. I didn't wanna see it so I scrolled, the next video? A guy opening his package and bam, doc martens, I scroll and bam my other mutual talking about atyd Remus lupin wearing doc martens and I was so close to crying so I commented something like "omg you look so happy!! Where did you buy them? Because I have looked up everywhere and still can't find docs" and what the fuck did I even expect, they where super nice I'm not saying anything against them but it was the same thing "the doc martens website, the doc martens local shop in your mall, Amazon, and most shoe stores have them <3" I was three seconds away from throwing my phone. The doc martens website is bookmarked in my phone, my laptop, my iPad, my everything okay and I would order them, that's the best option but the SHIPPING costs MORE than the DOCS. WHAT'S THE FUCK. so no. The doc martens local shop, I looked that one up and the nearest one is in colombia, that's not gonna help. Amazon's shipping costs more than my life, I should have started with the fact that we don't have Amazon, home depot, targets or wallmarts here, so Amazon is a no. Most shoe stores have them, i would know bitch, i would know. So that's it, I have the money and enough patience to not have a breakdown in every shop I go but no doc martens for me I guess.

Sorry if like, you decided to read that, that was just me venting about fucking shoes and sorry for burning your corneas with my bad grammar or anything and I also am super sleepy so hope something makes sense in those paragraphs

[angeldreifics]

Sophiana Ship Week Day Seven

Pairing: Sophie Foster x Biana Vacker

Prompt: Music

Word Count: 294

Warnings: Nothing :)

(A/N): This is more of a head cannon than anything else. I just think Biana would have such a pretty singing voice.

The Lost Cities truly didn’t appreciate the beauty of music. 

Sophie had been raised on it. She remembered her human mom complaining about how many earbuds Sophie would go through. Almost every few weeks, Sophie needed new ones. 

She, of course, used earbuds to block out people's minds but there was more to it than that. Because it was a necessity, she spent hours finding music she really enjoyed, and had cultivated a library of thousands of songs. 

When she and Biana ran away to live with the humans, she realized she had missed almost seven years of new music and had immediately poured herself into updating her playlists. 

But she also noticed that her favorite songs from before, no longer felt quite right. She liked them, but she was drawn more to the darker music now. Anything from soulful folk songs to screaming metal was added to her playlists.

Biana noticed her finding new music, and noted her favorite selections as well. She would buy Sophie merch from her favorite bands, and CDs, and eventually got her a Spotify account. Yes, Biana was the first to get a phone and learn how to use it. She was just so much more intrigued with human technology. 

Biana herself had a strange relationship with music. She didn’t love it quite as much as Sophie, but she did find herself humming along to songs, and playing music while she cooked or cleaned. She preferred to listen to acoustic or pop, just because it was more relaxing to listen too.

But then, one day, while Biana was making the couple some breakfast, Sophie heard her sing along to a song and froze.

Biana had an angelic voice, and Sophie was surprised she had never heard it before.

Feedback is appreciated, same as likes and reblogs!

[thissimplefeelingzine]

I know this is for charity but this zine was cheap & cheerful; it feels (though bigger/shinier) now pricey? Esp. the (gorgeous) prints. Part of zine/fandom is non/low profit also in the community sense, to minimize financial barriers to what we & others love- most of us just want to share. I know it's for an LGBT charity but for some LGBTQ+ people their fandom/fanwares IS their lifesaver & it's depressing to be unnecessarily(?) priced out of it 😔 Sorry if margins are in fact close- do clarify!X

The earlier zine ran with one mod and many fewer contributors, and had a different method of submission than we used. I can't speak for the finances of the zine under previous administration (who was in a different country than me, the current finance mod), but I can promise you that these prices are as low as I could make them, while being able to fund this zine. As it is, there is a very real chance that we may not make our printing cost, in which case I personally will be making up that difference. That's not something I can easily afford to do, but it's what I WILL do, if necessary.

The printing costs for all of these things, even paper products, are not cheap. There are minimum order sizes for everything included in these bundles; even if i only sell 1 copy of a zine, I would still have to buy ~125 of them (There are some printers that will sell you a single copy of a printed book, buuuut usually for about 40$). Our prices were derived by figuring out how much it would cost to make all of these items, and also to ship a complete bundle to each of our contributors. We chose good thick paper (more expensive) because our contributors have been working on the works included in this project for nearly a year, & paper makes or breaks printed work. They aren't getting paid, because this zine is for charity, but their time and efforts are extremely valuable to me, and the least I can do to compensate their efforts is send them a copy of everything we make, shipping included. Our contributor base is about 50% international (relative to where they'll be shipping from); domestic shipping is ~10$, and international was ~17$ last time I checked (& has been rising.) The cost of compensating contribs is more than half of our total cost. And that's pretty normal for a project like this, I'm told.

These prices were chosen through long consideration and discussion with experienced zine mods. The price of the zine itself is a little cheaper than I was advised to list (the advice was 15$ digital and flat 25$ physical and then extra on top of that for the inclusion of a pdf.) Before we made that call, I spent months watching every zine advertising account I could find to make sure that our prices were reasonable based on what we were offering and in comparison to other zines-- the advice from people I'd asked matched that data. I'm 2$ below that price-- It's only a couple of dollars, but even that small cut makes it significantly riskier that we will not meet our funding goals and I, personally, will be making up the difference.

It's also worth noting that this edition of our zine includes more content than previous editions. We've dramatically increased the number of artists included, because we wanted to encourage as much participation as we could. This zine was previously a saddle-bound volume; we are now perfect bound (pages start to buckle in saddle-bound after a certain numer), finishing out at 67 pages. Our cover is thicker cover-stock, and will have a protective coating. Our content is coming from 24 artists & 5 writers, + an extremely dedicated team of mods. (The previous editions had significantly fewer contribs per edition, allowing it to be saddle-bound)

The TL;DR of this post is that I truly, truly wish I could sell these at lower prices, but it is very important important to me that I get a copy of these bundles to all of my contributors at no cost to them, in exchange for the hours and hours of work that they've already given to me for free. I also wish i could just eat the cost of production & contributor compensation & domestic + international shipping, but I have rent & extremely high medication costs, & i cannot easily afford to take a couple hundred dollar cost on top of that (much less the $1k+ cost of printing a zine w just paper merch on high enough quality substrates to do justice to my contribs). I am sympathetic, though-- I've been a fan who couldn't afford fanworks. So here's this-- if we're out of your funding scope and you absolutely CANNOT afford our digital price ($13), go ahead and shoot us an email with how much you can afford to pay. I'm not going to make you any promises-- we HAVE to hit our funding threshold for me to be able to do this, full stop -- but *IF* we meet our funding thresholds, I will see what I can afford to do. (& even then, it would be PDF only; honor system (since this is already an extra level of logistics) so please only use that option if you must-- but i also do feel strongly about being as non-exclusive as i can, so yep. IF we hit our funding thresholds, i will see what I can do.)

If you can't tell, this really really is something that I struggled with-- and continue to struggle with-- for a long time, as someone who DEEPLY believes that fanworks should be free and available, but also believes that I don't have the right to steal the labor of my contribs without compensating them + also has fairly high medical costs that will be hit if i need to personally make up for any difference (which is ALWAYS a risk, whenever you do a project like this).