#because i was melodramatic af when i got back to writing and i am not a fan of that now. so heavy changes are required o7

[alpinelogy]

Can I ask for 5 and 10 for your chalex one (unless that was the time loop one then you can choose any fic you’d like) and 7 for the redubull oscar one? The character is Oscar. I am very fascinated by that idea🫶🏽🫶🏽

Yes the chalex was in fact timeloop asdf. Executive decision therefore all will be about rbr!oscar. Heads up that I originally plotted that back in August last year and I have been rewriting it on and off for the past few weeks so everything is very stc and under heavy construction

5. Is there any scene you're excited about writing? I am making Logan and Oscar go on a road trip at one point! Genuinely one of my favorite parts of the fic and one of the few if not the only one that has so far survived the carnage that the doc is currently going through.

Important lore but is the fact that here, Logan never did F1 (or at least is now racing in Indy) so he is US based unlike Oscar over in the UK. So original plan was Logan to take Oscar on a road trip through the US to get his mind off of the season but the fic has been getting less depressing through rewrites so I might move it to Europe. Because I know it better lol. But yes, a road trip

7. What are your plans for Oscar? Oscar initially had a very messy and not well planned character arc that felt like I have been putting him through shit constantly and his character is the primary reason why I am replotting so much of it.

The original idea was uh... well look at what happened to the other two Aussies in Red Bull so far haha. But with timeloop where the ghost of Max Verstappen hangs over everything I am not particularly too fond of writing a fic where his ghost hangs over everything again. I need variety. Also idk how I feel writing Red Bull heavy fic rn so things will have to change on that front.

But the current plan is to stick him in a Red Bull for 2025 and have him face the fact that he no longer has a teammate that he gets along with like a house on fire and the idea of adjusting to a very different team from McLaren. But he is still an Aussie in a Red Bull. Some suffering will be required (affectionate)

10. If unpublished, can you show a sneak peek of what you've written? I am lowkey not happy with anything from it cause it is from a time when I was still super rusty but this has survived the carnage so far and will probably survive. Important context is that originally, this took place over the winter break but timelines might be condensed and this might be summer break instead

He spends Christmas in Australia with his family. During the limbo week between then and New Years he flies to America. Despite flying first class, he still doesn't sleep on the plane and feels like collapsing when he finally gets to Miami. He is coherent just enough to pick up his luggage and find Logan in arrivals but not much more. The hug they share can barely pass off as friendly but hey, Oscar is exhausted, it's a reasonable excuse. It’s on the correct side of too friendly in this context. When they get to Logan's apartment, Oscar manages to take a quick shower before collapsing to bed. He doesn't even bother to check which bed in which room, Logan would tell him if he minded. So he doesn’t give it any more thought and lets himself fall asleep, exhaustion finally winning. He wakes up to see the room bathed in the golden light of a sunset, slightly confused before he realizes where he is. Right, he's in Florida, at Logan's place. He looks around, properly studies the room now that he doesn't feel like collapsing again.

[scoups4lyfe]

Journal Entries of Bipolar sh*t compiled to Show the Mind of Someone with BP:

[Entries from my mood journals:] 

TW: Mental Health

These entries are personal, I wrote them as I was going through whatever I end up writing about, I took out any personal details so it reads like ANON.

[Next]

Energy Levels: 

July 15th 2020: 

Questionable levels of energy. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6pm. Just really tired, I feel just,,,, exhausted in an empty almost depressive kind of way. Could a depressive episode be looming on the horizon? Conversely, however, my energy has been pretty high the last three-four days at least. I’ve been somewhat motivated, getting work done, and also having major problems with insomnia that really kind of came out of nowhere. That’s why I couldn’t fall asleep until 9am last night. (Though my time blindness when doing things I enjoy certainly doesn’t help.)

July 16th 2020: 

(went to bed at 9am, awoke at 7pm)

Another feeling of low energy. I’d rate it about 3.5/10 (5 being normal.) Mood wise, I'm in a rather neutral mood, though I’m starting to worry that it’s getting more and more apathetic. (Especially when I’m dehydrated.) 

Executive dysfunction is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me to do things, I kinda want to curl into a ball and do nothing for great periods of time. I find it hard to really be motivated or to make myself WANT to look nice when I see my friend tomorrow. It’s actually kind of worrying, but my overall mood (as I said) is still pretty neutral. 

July 17th, 2020: A solid 3/10 

(Bed @ 7/8-ish am. Woke at 1:09pm to go to a friend’s.) 

I just feel tired and kinda zen, not gonna lie. Like relaxed and ready to slip into unconsciousness at any moment. Not necessarily as apathetic as yesterday, but that could be because I am around my good friend, and being around my good friends makes me happy, distracted, and more energized, even with barely any sleep.

July 18th 2020: 

Bed time:  Close to 11:30 pm Wake Up: Close to 9am. (Like 8:40 am or something) 

A solid 2.2/10 

I’ve had low energy for a bit now and I know it’s starting to roll into my apathetic depressions. Today [friend] wanted me to go to the gym/pool with [them] and I was REALLY not feeling it, but [they] were  gungho for it and were talking about it like it was already going to be a done-deal. This kinda soured me because I really do not want to move around much when I’m like this and I ESPECIALLY did not want to go to the pool—  I knew I’d be the only one in the pool, alone, because I didn’t bring shoes so I either had to wait horrendously by myself in the locker room or pool it out alone until someone joined me after their workout.

I DID feel great when I stepped into that lukewarm shower before having to get into the pool, but like, WOAH MAN, I got super apathetic, I contemplated just staying in the shower for an hour and like hOO wow. Not great. 0/10 would not recommend. 

I did actually enjoy the pool though and after about 15 minutes of [friend] joining me I began to go back to a more neutral state of mind, so that was good. 

When we went to the mall it was fun too, but for some reason (I can’t even explain why) I hit a low— low, and started to second-guess everything (even my friendship with them) and wondered if I should never talk or see them ever again from then on. It was really melodramatic and I don’t even know why I thought about it for a minute there. After a few minutes I was snapped back to normal by hanging out with my friends and then I was kinda okay again. 

Emotionally (when I’m not feeling low energy/apathetic/empty AF) I feel on the verge of just breaking down into tears and laughing like a maniac.

July 24th

Bed: 9pm-ish  Woke: 5am 

Energy: 4-ish (Maybe even a bit more of a 3.5 rn) 

These last few days have been a blur tbh. I went on a webtoon-reading, what-music-was-I-listening-to-in-middle-school binge these last couple of days and so I remember not much. The hyper focus really had me there lol. 

July 28th 2020: 

Bed: 1:15 am Woke: 6:30 am 

Mood: When I was awake earlier and reading, about a 3. RIGHT NOW??? 1.5/10 and quickly approaching a meltdown. 

I am SO SO tired and almost about to have an emotional breakdown for no reason. I have no idea where this is coming from but I am going to tuck into bed and disappear from existence because I need to sleep for 19hrs or I WILL throw a fit. 

**Some notes for July 28th. I tried to sleep at 7/8pm because I felt an incoming meltdown. But then I was suddenly wide awake? Like my energy was at a 7 while my mood was at a 0.5. Basically, not fun, would never repeat again. 

July 31st, 2020: 

Bed: Around midnight/1 am woke: 3pm. 

Energy: 4/10

I don’t know why I slept for so long, but I def. could have slept longer. In fact most of the day I felt kind of bleh. 

Not terrible enough to lie down but also not normal-normal. 

August 26th, 2020: 

Woke: 7pm Slept: 9/10am 

Mood: 4.5/10 

In general I’ve felt fine. Not as exhausted, and definitely  in a good mood. Maybe it’s because I’m purposefully taking it easy while still trying to accomplish the small things. Ahhhh I feel so accomplished, yo!!!

But just as a general warning, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay optimistic. (Hopefully for a long time.) I just feel the depressive episode on the horizon. For now, I’m doing self care so that I can fight  it off, but hopefully it won’t be “only a matter of time.” 

Thursday — September 17th, 2020: 

Slept: 1am woke: 7:30am 

Mood: 5/10 ENERGY: 2.5/10 

Though I’m in a pretty genial mood, I just feel so tired. Which makes no sense because yesterday I woke up at like 7pm and went to bed at 1am. So WHAT TF bro. I’ve just been lying in my bed all day because that’s like the only way I feel somewhat decent. 

Kinda want to take a nap but I know that’ll do me absolutely no good whatsoever, so I’m gonna stay awake and try to be as productive as I can be when I’m lying down in a horizontal position.

[Journal Entry] 

“Saturday: October 10th, 2020 —  Around Night

Right now I feel invincible. Like I can write and capture that perfect melody. Pen to paper. Pencil to sketchbook. For this moment, just right now, I feel as if I could do anything, and that makes me so, so, happy. 

Today is a happy day, which is made funnier or perhaps more ironic by the fact that I didn’t even want to wake up today. [Which I did, begrudgingly, at 6pm-ish.] 

The tides really do come and go. So never feel too down. At some point you’ll feel like this again. The cogs keep turning and life goes on. 

Mood: 10/10 Energy: 10/10.”

[End quote] 

...

“October 13th, 2020 — Tuesday, 10:45 AM. 

So many thoughts have taken travels in my hand. Today I feel invincible again. Much like I did in the last entry. I have been an unfortunate disappointment to my family, though. My energy, motivation, and time has been entangled lately. Entangled deep into my mind, my media, and the interests I partake in: The Void ™. 

Therefore I haven’t been of much help, entertainment, or enjoyment for my loved ones. Last Sunday our relatives gathered at our house to celebrate [my brother's] birthday. Yet I stayed in bed. I did not celebrate with them, and ignored their asks of me. I’m quite disappointed in myself for being this way. I can only strive to be better. I may not have been energetic or involved these last few days, but I feel much better now that I’ve gotten rest. 

Though I’ll always be fighting with that void that distracts and captures my attentions, I won’t let these strings choke me.” [End Quote] 

…

October 18th 2020:

Slept: 10am Woke: 4am

Mood:2.5/10. Energy:2/10

I just feel very anxious (like pit of nervous energy going 100mph in my stomach) anxious. I’m gonna try and nap the wired energy off cause it’s making me panicked 

[Journal Entry] 

“October 18th, 2020 — Sunday, 3:46 AM

I’ve gone and slept all of saturday. But hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule. I’m also (not quite anxious, but I know the tension is there, rising, ready to explode on the horizon. Already it’s October 18th, and yet it feels as if I’ve accomplished nothing. And perhaps I haven’t.”

[End quote] 

…

“October 24th, 2020 — Saturday, 9:55 PM.

At the beginning of this page I felt indescribable emotion fill me. Everything was pointless. I’d forgotten how to fly and instead remembered how to nap. For a singular moment I wanted to sleep into nonexistence. I wanted to cry, too. But mostly, I was just tired. I could do nothing but sit and want to sleep, and I had not even the strength or energy to loathe myself for this. So I decided to scrapbook instead and then maybe sleep after I’d written all this leak in me from pen to paper. But in the (time it)  took for me to design the page I fell out of my emotional range. Instead I felt calm. Pacified. Silly, isn’t it? I’m supposed to edit today and tomorrow, but I’ve let today slip away. 

I’ve also eaten too much again. I feel sick. Like I’m eating as much as I can before a hibernation. Does my body feel a depressive episode coming before I do? Is that it? Or is my overeating and lack of control leading me into a spiral? I shouldn’t be feeling like this. So much anxious, emotional energy. I’m wired as shit and I hate this jittery-ness. 

It’s suffocating. Like a snake’s wrapped itself over me and keeps constricting, tighter, and tighter, and tighter, till there’s nothing left.”

[End of entry] 

…

“November 10, 2020 — Tuesday 

Pros: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days. 

Cons: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.”

[End Quote] 

[Around 3 month time skip]

[Sunday, February 28th, 2021 — 2:04 AM] 

“I’m treading water. Another month passes. Hopefully I’ll make all I can of this last day. I walked some, but I still haven’t reached my desired destination. Guess I have no choice but to keep going! Everything has a time. I can only continue trying. That’s all I can do. To quit is to have nothing for myself, not even dreams. ‘Being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.’ (-Something Phillipians.) 

I dream of many things. I pray that March gives me what I need. Please be here with me, hold my hand in these times and keep me close in your thoughts. I’m trying. I’m always trying. Day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I can’t do this alone. (I wish I could.) My brain is so easily distracted and it’s hard to get by even doing things I joy. I wish I had something that could force me to function. All I have is myself.  

One day I won’t just be writing dreams with no evidence. Every step is part of the journey (even if it doesn’t feel like it.) So thank you for walking with me. I don’t have the strength to do this alone. Please, please hold my hand through the anxieties and whisper that it’ll be alright. I’m blindfolded, and I’m walking on a tightrope, and I need you to tell me when and how to jump so that I’ll land in the net. I’m blind but I’m listening. September 30th feels a lightyear away. It’s hard to forget the lack when you’re faced with it everyday. And I’m unsure. Please tell me that it’s worth it. Please. Please help me. Please. Please lead me. Please help me.” 

[End of entry.]

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4]

This is the first part of the journal entries, I'll be uploading another compilation after each newly posted PPT essay.

Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

Visuals of depressive episodes: (1), (2)

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

[Next]

[chemicalpink]

Power and Control ♡ Jung Hoseok

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x reader

Genre: smut, angsty

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Sugar baby themes, power dynamics outside the bedroom, unprotected sex 

Summary: Women and men we are the same but love will always be a game and I’m gonna make you fall.

A/N: Well this was a stubborn one. Like seriously took me a whole month to try and write Hoseok as a villan-y character and at the end... i kinda failed BUT I really liked this one. Thanks for waiting. I hope you are doing great with life aside from all that is going one. Take care. I hope you like this one! 

Hoseok wouldn’t dare to try and label what you and he had as conventional, hell, he wouldn’t even dare to try and label himself as conventional, quite the contrary, because really, what’s a broke college-graduate-to-be got to do when a beautiful, empowered woman like yourself is seeking out a sugar baby deal? Say no? He would have to be stupid, plus, it’s not like you two are 10 or so years apart, you’re just 2 years older than him; plus, the deal was simple enough, apart from a disclosure contract and a few sessions of experimenting what you two liked with each other, it had been easy enough to fall into a routine.

Said routine meaning two to three sessions a week, some weekends together and playing as arm candy in most of your business parties, to which he would then find his semester’s tuition fee paid off, the latest limited-edition Supreme collection on his college dorm and one time, an all-included vacation to Europe for Christmas.

As time went on, nearly a year into it, it had become harder and harder to keep coming up with excuses as to how exactly he was being able to afford such a luxurious way of living without it being apparent that he had worked for it, especially when his closed group of friends were clearly struggling with it all (he might have asked you once to pay for Namjoon’s tuition fee after he got injured and couldn’t work for the month, the guy so in the clouds hadn’t even noticed the debt gone), and you know, Jung Hoseok isn’t a man with fragile masculinity, he knows exactly who he is, so even if for him being a sugar baby was really no big deal, the constant assumption of sugar babies having daddy/mommy issues sure was in the back of his mind every time he so much as the thought of sharing his lifestyle with his friends crossed his mind (cause he did not have daddy/mommy issues, thank you very much).

“Hobi, this just got here for you, I thought we had talked about your shopping addiction?”  Namjoon said as he passed him by on his way out the kitchen, coffee mug in hand, small package on the other, placing it on the kitchen counter before turning to look at him. Hoseok so much as fake laughed his worst laugh trying (and most probably failing) to not make his roommate any more suspicious. 

See, the greatest excuse for the time being all those months ago, when you had started gifting him stuff and sending it to his dorm, was saying that he ‘might have developed an addiction to online shopping’. He had talked it out with you, and you agreed to start delivering the gifts on your sessions. Hoseok hummed while taking the package from the counter “I just- I had this coupon and I had to use it” Namjoon wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore, he could clearly not have said a thing.

“Hey, hyungs would you mind if I-OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THAT BOX FROM THE NEWEST CHANEL COLLECTION???” Taehyung was… quite a melodramatic man when it came down to his expertise: fashion; which was one of the reasons Hoseok could kind of breathe around his own home. Namjoon didn’t know shit about fashion. But Taehyung would a hundred percent not fall into his ‘I got a coupon’ facade for a split second. His throat ached to instinctevely deny the younger’s claim but he knew it would do no good. Hoseok had once committed the deadly mistake of wearing one of the perfumes you had gifted him for his birthday to one of their nights out and that man right there, Kim Taehyung, had known from a sniff that he was wearing a thousand dollars Paco Rabanne Luxe Edition 1 million 18 carats. How exactly? He wouldn’t dare to ask. Taehyung knew his fashion. But the night didn’t seem to come to an end soon enough with his friend’s questioning. “Hoseok-hyung, how did you get access to one of the most exclusive collection previews of the world? I mean, I’m all for Gucci, but go off I guess”

So they are talking about it. May the gods have mercy on his unable to lie for his life soul.

“It was a gift from uh- my distant rich- auntie?” both Taehyung and Namjoon turned to look at him in the most sceptical way possible, but soon went back to their conversation.

He was going to have the talk with you later, for the second time. As if on cue, his phone dinged with a text from you, very out of character, if he may add, you two kept it on the line of the contract that bound the two of you, no texting, no calls, no nothing. He was busy with school most of the time and you were probably busier with your business stuff anyways.

From: Y/N [12:38]

You got my gift?

To: Y/N [12:38]

Yeah. Now apparently I have a rich distant auntie that is sending me expensive af gifts.

To: Y/N [12:39]

But then again, who am I to complain, right?

From: Y/N [12:43]

Great. Wear it tonight. 10 pm sharp. Long day.

Over the course of the months with you, he had learnt quite a few things about himself, first, he had an expensive taste, he just couldn’t afford it. Second, you knew his love language was being gifted things, and lord, did you take advantage of that to keep him wrapped around your finger. Third, he always felt as if you had come to know him inside and out so clearly, you had come to read him like an open book but he couldn’t say the same. You were a reserved woman, he knew that. With your position and all, it made sense. But he was just as cold to people he wasn’t close with, so he had to have some upper hand at it. Even after spending days on researching you he always came empty-handed. Sure, you two fucked, kissed, hanged out, but there was just this sense of chemistry lacking as if you two melted together when naked but once the fog cleared, it became a constant battle to gain control over the other. You had gifts to win him over. He had his charm and amazing bedroom skills to keep you grounded. You made it work. Kind of.

He arrived at your place a few minutes before 10, making himself a drink at the sky bar in the middle of your living room as he stared outside the floor-length window to watch Seoul’s night sky and lighted ground of the busy city, your heels clicking on the floor when you entered the space.

“Oh you got here early?” he turned around to watch you dispose of your jewellery in the entrance table, stealing glances at him every few seconds “I didn’t think you would actually listen to me and wear it, do you like it?

Hoseok lifted the glass to his lips to sip the alcohol. The poorly lit room brought a new light to you that deep down he had known for a while but he wasn’t willing to accept, the tiredness behind your eyes luring him in, making him imagine for a second that the setting was much more domestic than what it really was “Got off classes early and yeah, it does the job, thanks”

You made your way to the bar to fix yourself a drink, all the while he couldn’t stop staring at you, the imposing aura you always exuded sending shivers down his spine, his mind racing. He could already picture you bent over the couch for him as you took a seat and waved him over.

He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much time went by when your lips found his, your dress riding up your thighs when you moved to straddle him, hands finding your ass, tongues fired up with evident desire as you ground down on his hard length “You texted me first today” you broke away from the kiss to look at him funnily, for the first time in the almost a year knowing you, he could see the slightest of vulnerability in your eyes, fondness, for him. So after all, you were wrapped around his finger “Are you falling in love with me, miss Y/N?” 

Your answer was very much in character, sucking his jawline while your hands worked their way down his pants to free his cock, stroking him a few time to bring it to a full length, his head throwing back into the couch in pleasure as you retorted teasingly “Think you’re going to break my heart, Hobi?” 

He knew then that your favourite game had begun. A constant game of tug and pull to lead the sex that had become a routine for both of you.

He had somehow worked his way under your dress at the same time as he pushed his pants to his ankles and removed them, giving your clothed core just the right amount of friction you were seeking and providing him with the perfect moment to flip you both over on the small space, a smirk taking over his factions “You might be good looking baby, but you’re not a piece of art”

“God I need you so much right now” you whispered at him, before tracing the expanse of his back under his newly bought sweater, distracting him enough for you to take his place on top, aching core approaching his face as his smile didn’t seem to get any bigger “Dinner’s served”

“My favourite,” he said before beginning to suck on the inside of your thighs, working his way to where you needed him the most, hot tongue wetting your already drenching panties for a few seconds before he pushed the cloth aside and gripped you even closer to his face, teeth nibbling at your folds teasingly, drawing a loud moan out of you, walls instinctively clenching as his tongue traced you whole, lewd noises filling up the room, subtly grinding up to him as he traced circles on your clit before eating you out once again, up until your thighs started trembling against his head, yours thrown back in ecstasy at the pleasure. His face glistening with your juices once you let him take control over the situation.

Hoseok’s deft fingers rid you of both of your remaining pieces of clothings as you tried to catch your breath, fully aware of what was about to go on after you had your fun with him. Your exposed skin hits the coldness of the floor as Hoseok rolled both of you down the couch, making you shiver as a smile is plastered in the younger’s face; you close your eyes for a split second, not needing to know that for the time being, Hoseok was pumping his hard cock to ready himself for you, small fluttering kisses adorning the space just below your neck as he approaches your ear silently “I was thinking… a Tesla would be a great combo with my brand new Chanel collection, you know?”

A small laugh leaves your lips before you open your eyes to see him hovering above you, eyes  travelling your face, a few strands of hair covering his “You are not sweet talking me into buying you a Tesla, Hoseok”

“I was thinking more of fucking it out of you” it is then that he enters you in a swift thrust, letting you adjust for a few seconds before moving experimentally at the new angle for both of you that was your living room floor, his hand coming up to place your right leg over his shoulder, gaining him better access to have you whimpering below him, just the way he liked. Long, skilled fingers caress your clit as he keeps a steady rhythm inside of you, feeling the warmth enveloping him and your walls clench around him as he speeds up his pace on your nerve bundle.

“Oh g-Hoseok I’m gonna cum” your voice is strained and he feels it as the opportunity to wreck you harder, the movement of his hips hitting all the right spots within you, he can feel your leg cramping on his shoulder as a wave of pleasure hits you and he has half a mind to pull out and release himself on your stomach, both of you breathing heavily as the need starts to fade and it all comes to an end. 

You see, if you asked any of Hoseok’s close friends, they would describe him as pure sunshine, and he was, kinda, at least for the most part of his life, but he was also a man determined to get what he wanted in life, which was why, he was currently pondering his next move. After your little session at your living room floor/couch, he had felt a shift in the air, a longing between the two of you, and that only went on for the next few weeks as you would drop your cold facade and text him small things, as he kept on receiving packages at his dorm (without Tae or Joon knowing, thank fuck) and he had found himself thinking about you non-stop. It was pretty obvious, and if someone had known about your existence, they might have pointed it out, cause it was so obvious even for himself, that the tug and pull game of yours, had made you both fall for the other somehow. Which really, wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for that shitty paragraph on your contract that seems to keep replaying itself inside his mind. If you started becoming too familiar with each other, you would revoke the contract. He had agreed and signed it, thinking that it is just too weird for someone to grow acostumed to another if they just fuck and leave afterwards, but apparently somewhere he went wrong. And he clearly needed the money. You had yet to come to realise your newly found dynamics so he was living on borrowed time. And he had to act quickly.

Hoseok wasn’t really a strategic man, but luck always seemed to be on his side, so it took a mere week to come up with something. He had been visiting the hospital where his sister worked (per his mother’s request) just hanging out, which probably wasn’t even allowed to, but Jiwoo had insisted to wait for her lunch break as it was a slow day anyway. So he did.

“You’ve never told me how you paid off your tuition without dad’s help, Hobi” his sister commented as she went through some papers on her desk. His mind crashed. Error 404. Flee the country. It is one thing lying to his friends about his way of living, a completely different story when family starts asking.

“Oh I’m a- personal assistant of some CEO” he answered, turning to look the other way towards the entrance, almost nonchalantly, but life liked to have fun with him, so of course just as he is trying his best to keep you out of his mind, you had to be walking right through the door, not as outstanding as he is used to see you, but the aura you exude that is so uniquely yours is unable to miss out. You two didn’t talk on personal life, but he had researched you over the months, trying (and failing) to gain some type of useless power over you. It seemed like whatever wasn’t business, wasn’t you. So he had to play dumb.

“Who 's that?” he asked his sister, just as you were rounding the corner, Jiwoo turning to look at your disappearing figure

“Oh, that’s Y/N”

“Y/N like Y/N Y/L/N? the CEO?” the idea of maybe getting into acting and winning an Oscar crossed his mind, his sister hummed in thought

“I guess, Y/N is quite an unusual name right?” she resumed whatever she was doing before adding “But this girl couldn’t be her, she comes to visit her sister religiously every Friday”

“Is she sick?” so your cold uncaring demeanor was really just a front you put up for people.

“You’re starting to sound like a pervert, Hoseok”

He really wishes he could say he dropped the whole sick sister thing after that day, but the longer he thought about that, the cleared it was for him that if he was looking for an upper hand for you not to drop him out of the whole money deal once you realised you had both infringed the contract that brought you two together, this was it. He had immense self-confidence, if he said so himself. But there was something about going against you that wasn’t exactly easy to warm up to. He tried several times to come up with a plan but came empty-handed so he guessed he would just have to go with the flow. 

“You’re so wet already” he grunted as you felt his member teasing your entrance, his hand gripping your hair to bring you to face the mirror beside your bed. Hoseok had decided to drop by after he knew you were done with work, taking you by surprise at the unscheduled session, but then again, who were you to complain about the man, who in less than five minutes and some lazy kissing on your bed had both of you riled up and on all fours at his complete mercy “We’ve got some things to talk about, Y/N” 

You tried to turn your face to look at him directly instead of the mirror but he just tightened his grip as he thrusted forward forcefully, making you grip your sheets tighter attempting not to tumble over, a pleasurable sting on your scalp “I’m listening”

“Friday. Lunchtime, what exactly were you doing at the hospital?” he asked and could already feel your though exterior crumble, he just had to hope that whatever big secret it was having a sick little sister was enough for him to keep the upper hand in the situation.

Just as fast as that surprised look had appeared on your face, it was replaced with determination in your eyes as you pressed yourself back onto him, purposely clenching around him in the way you knew drove him crazy “Maybe I’ll talk. If you fuck me hard enough”

So he did.

“So what do you want in exchange for keeping my Friday’s whereabouts a secret?” you asked as his clothes were thrown at him

This was it. “I want my full tuition paid off before you call it quits on us”

You turned to look at him, laughing a little “Hoseok, a human vulnerability doesn’t mean that I am weak” you made your way to the bathroom “You’ll have to work harder for it”

Each day that went by was filled with dread of having his whole lifestyle crumbling down in a second, it had been so long since he had even so much as heard about you. Until he wouldn’t stop hearing about you (kind of) He remembers waking up to a 5am text from you telling him that he couldn’t have peace without a war, but if he was being completely honest, he was kind of asleep at the time so he couldn’t comprehend half of it. But it all became clearer when his phone started blowing up with texts, from Taehyung and Namjoon, to his sister and his parents. Apparently, you had a very expensive shopping spree in his name, delivered especially with lots of love to every person that could, and most certainly would question how exactly he had the kind of money to afford the luxurious gifts that they were all receiving. 

From:Y/N [9:02]

You start at 10. 

To: Y/N [9:02]

Y/N What’s going on?

From: Y/N [9:05]

Welcome to the team, board member Jung Hoseok.

So perhaps you would always have the upper hand when it came to power and control of whatever it was you two were playing. You had no doubt and no obstacle to ruin his whole life. But he guesses that his upper hand is shown in the fact that he could keep you from doing just that.

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Chicago Med Review 5x01 “Never Going Back To Normal”

So, I guess I’m back on my bullsh*t. I can’t help it. These last two episodes are worthy of a review.

So, after a summer hiatus we got the answers to our burning questions: did Ava have something to do with Cornelius’s death?

What is the fate of Natalie and Will after that car crash on the roof?

Does Maggie have cancer?

and

Is April pregnant?

Let’s start from the bottom up.

April and Ethan slowly made their way back to each other during season 4. After she declared that she was with the shits, they smashed on the couch, and 24 hrs later she was “late.” I think we all knew it would be negative, but I do think it’s odd that they wrote her saying “I’m never late.” I’m not sure if this was just chatter or a false negative but since the subject was broached it had Ethan wondering “what if?” I think it’s fair to say that not only are these two back together but are also getting serious. They walked away with THE most uplifting story for themselves and the child they were treating. Anyway up to this point I’d always pegged April as the type who’d want to have kids and marriage considering the importance of family and how soft she is with everyone but I’m not so sure anymore. Her hesitation and remark about wanting kids much farther in the future reminded me that it took April weeks if not months to say yes to Tate’s proposal, and her shock at being pregnant lasted a lot longer than comfortable. I think April holds these things dear, but not necessarily for herself. We’ll see.

Onto Maggie’s story. Another easy guess. I think we all knew she had cancer, the question was what kind and how bad? Sadly, so many of us have been touched by cancer; it’s affected our friends, loved ones, co-workers, and there are probably some survivors in this fandom. So when I heard metastatic immediately I was like; damn. I, for one, am all for keeping your business your own, but Maggie’s decision is borderline delusional. I know we all know it’s about to get a LOT worse.

The Manstead car wreck. Okay, I have been in several car wrecks; shitty luck, bad tires, dangerous weather, I’ve had it happen; trees, fences, the HIGHWAY, I’ve been in it. So this wreck was a bit...much. My sister FLEW through the windshield of a vehicle and not only lived but had no issues with memory, and her cut wasn’t gushing like a Squeeze-It. I hated this story from the moment it began. It had massive plot holes and has been melodramatic AF. But I think what I hate the most is the inability to let the story be about Will. It continues to center Natalie when she’s just been adjacent. This show has a super weird way of writing life-changing events which happen to male characters but then somehow manages to leave the women holding the bag. Like damn, how’d we get here?

Ethan’s family drama left April caring for a newborn and his sister.

Daniel’s shooting left Sarah with major PTSD.

Will’s traumatic involvement with the mafia left Natalie in a mini-coma.

I’m not saying the men never have consequences but the lasting effects are transferred to the women closest to them.

Anyway, Will carries Natalie like Captain-Save-a-hoe to the ED and even tries to work on her before the night-shift Dr. Marcel hello daddy has to push him aside. I almost died when he said “You’re her boyfriend or whatever” it’s like Dominic Rains knows our pain. Anyway, med student Elsa tries to help Will but is barked at several times. I was happy to see her again but I’m not going to pretend I didn’t see the 180 in her personality. Elsa can seem mouesy but let’s be real; that is a boss bitch, who all last season was on top of her shit and not giving a good gotdamn about anybody’s emotional state; only the job at hand. She knew what she wanted and was balancing dual majors and nailing it too. But something shifted and now she’s giving a damn about Will and being one of the only three people in this entire show that recognizes his trauma. I was quietly whispering...please god no, too. Please Med don’t ruin this character and make her lose her gotdamn mind over some dick.

Sleeping Beauty finally awakes but has some short-term memory problems. Something her skeevy boyfriend Phillip is ready to exploit when he shimmies a ring on her finger. Okay, I’m going to need you give me your nuanced ears and eyes when I begin this next part because I don’t want it to sound too victim-blamey...but...Natalie brought this situation on herself. I don’t think it was wrong of her to try and be supportive of Phillip but how the hell didn’t the warning flags go flying when he began being intimate with her so soon after his wife died? The alarms should be blaring now with a ring on her finger considering she hasn’t forgotten the long timeline...it’s just. I don’t care. It makes her look trife AF. But mostly it makes her look naive.

I do think the knowledge Dr. Marcel has about the ring only being on her finger AFTER her initial examination is a little bomb they’ll wait to drop later in the season. I just hope it’s Natalie who finds out and not Will. Natalie needs to save herself.

Finally, let’s talk about that story!

The direction this story took was one I played around with in a fic. The idea of Ava being an obsessive, manipulative, dangerous psycho has always seem fitting to me. I know a lot of people are upset and horrified but I think it made perfect sense. My only critique was the empty feeling of not getting a background check on her. Did Latham call her next of kin? Who were they? Who was she? The mystery of Ava will always be the most bitter pill for me swallow. 

Med was manipulating the viewers and the subjects of the story so we were all left with a sense of confusion. None of it made sense if you only view Ava through one lens, if you could see her through both it was executed in a way that Med has never had the audacity to try and do, and I got to give it to them cause damn it was good. They really had us questioning everything up to her final moments. Was Connor losing it like his mother or was Ava as scheming as he thought? I think that her death was a good reason to leave Med. 

He left Chicago as quickly as he could as kid to get away from his mother’s tragic suicide only to return and have another tragic suicide be the reason for his departure. And damn, it was abrupt. Like maybe one more episode where Connor finishes his last surgery cause anyone scheduled with him got left hanging! He said goodbye to the two people who gave him a job and that was the last we ever saw of him. I’m not nearly as broken up about this as a big chunk of the fandom seems to be. I really feel like Connor’s story was told. Being the most developed one; can be suicide for a character, especially in a show that has Entmoot syndrome when it comes to personal information about  its characters.

Personally I’m hoping the show becomes like the rest of One Chicago, who had other polarizing characters leave. It allowed the quality to spread and viewers finally got more from the others.

Either way, after this episode, nothing is going to be “normal” again.

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Syruped and Feathered

Summary: There’s nothing normal about this hunt.

Pairing: I intended Sam x Reader, but nothing really happened.

Warnings: None.

Word count: 1147 words

A/N: This is for the @spnfanficpond‘s SPN Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge Week Five, and I ended up using two prompts: #3. “That thing that I killed died weird,” and, “That’s what everyone says. Except him.” To paraphrase a friend, this is not beta read because I’m a savage.

You walked back into the main room of the farmhouse, machete swinging idly by your side and a puzzled expression on your face. The Winchesters were still on the lookout for an attack from one of the other directions, but they glanced your way when they heard the floorboard creak. Their glances turned into stares when they got a look at you.

“What the hell?” Dean asked quietly, his eyes going over your form, again and again, his eyebrows raising with each pass.

“What… are those…?” Sam approached you, eyebrows furrowed, but eyes very wide.

“Ummm, yeah,” you said. “Feathers.” You nodded. “And, in case you’re wondering, what’s keeping them stuck to me like this is maple syrup.”

Dean tentatively touched a feather-free spot on your body with one finger, then drew it to his mouth. “Yup. Definitely maple.”

“Ewww,” you groaned, grimacing. “It might be maple syrup, but that’s what he was bleeding as he died, Dean. Whatever he was, he was full of it.”

Dean’s face changed comically from puzzled to disgusted and immediately began spitting and trying to wipe off his tongue. “Yuck. Blech. Whydja let me lick it, dammit?”

“I didn’t think you were that stupid, jackass!” you retorted, resisting the urge to stick out your tongue. The whole situation was really juvenile enough.

Sam cleared his throat. “So, he bled maple syrup... but where did the feathers come in? And why did it take so long? You were in there for like, five minutes!”

Your eyes rolled so hard it almost hurt. “So I went in there, and hacked at him with the machete, and got him pretty good, and instead of fighting me or cursing or something, he just grabbed the arm I hit and started wailing like he was dying.”

The squints and head tilts you got from the brothers were positively angel-worthy.

“I’m telling you guys, that thing that I killed died weird. I hit it once, and, well,” you motioned to Sam, “remember that godawful dinner theater we went to in Dubuque?”

Sam nodded, still looking confused and distressed, and not sure if he should still be on alert.

“He died like that one guy in the play. The one we couldn’t stop laughing at. It was all, stab,” you made the stabbing motion with your machete, making Dean do a quick jump away so you didn’t nick him, “and then, ‘Oh! Woe is me! I am killed! I shall cease to be and the world will know my light no longer!’ I mean, he just kept going on, and on, and on, and on, AND ON, just making these wild motions that were kind of like attacks while he’s moaning, bleeding maple syrup. So, I started really going at him, if only to shut him up, you know? And the syrup is flying, and he’s not going down, not even really fighting me, just spraying syrup all over me and the whole room, until I finally cut off his head, right? But instead of him just falling to the ground, he caught his own head and said, ‘Alas, I die!’ one more time, from his detached head which was really spooky, and then exploded into a shit-ton of feathers, which all flew everywhere around the room, which is why,” you motioned to yourself, “I look like Big Bird.”

The three of you stood around, watching the syrup drip off of you, taking a couple of feathers with it. Matching unhappily puzzled faces looked back and forth between you. The house was ridiculously quiet while you all stood there, considering the facts of the case. Yes, the reports that had drawn you to the house were all vague and weird, but this was weirder than you were expecting by about a county or two.

Deep breath in. “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say this was--”

“Gabriel,” Dean finished for you. “It’s trickster to a T.”

Sam shook his head. “It can’t be. I watched Michael kill him. Dean, you watched Michael kill him.”

Dean nodded. “I know! But, Sam! Look at her!!” he exclaimed, waving at you wildly.

Dean and Sam both stared at you again in silence. Grateful for the distraction, even if it was another monster to kill, you turned to the doorway when the floor creaked and saw Cas, who’d been outside to catch anything that got past the three of you. When he saw you, however, he stopped dead in his tracks, squinted, and tilted his head to the side as he looked you up and down.

You shrugged and gave him the rundown. “Monster led me into the other room. I attacked monster. Monster bled maple syrup, then melodramatically monologued his way into pissing me off enough to cut off his head, at which point he exploded into feathers, covering me and the entire room.”

Cas nodded, but the squint and head tilt remained. After a moment, he took a deep breath like he was about to say something, then closed his mouth again and continued squinting. Finally, he said, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say this was Gabriel.”

You threw your hands up in the air in defeat. “Exactly! That’s what everyone says! Except him!” you exclaimed, pointing your machete at Sam.

Cas approached you, studying the mess covering you, and put out a finger to touch you.

Dean grabbed his hand and pulled it away. “Don’t taste it, man. It’s really maple syrup, just trust us.”

Cas nodded and shrugged off Dean’s hand, his eyes never leaving you. Another minute of you all just standing there, stumped, and a line of syrup dripped down the back of your neck, sliding into your shirt and making you shudder.

“Well, whatever this is, can we consider it back at the motel after I have a shower? I’m beginning to stick to myself.” You pulled one arm away from your body as an example, your flannel sticking to the arm like some kind of wing.

Dean pointed to you and declared, “You’re wrapping up in a blanket before you get into my Baby.”

Rolling your eyes, you headed for the door. “Of course, Dean. I’m not a heathen.”

The four of you trudged out of the farmhouse, got into the car (you dutifully wrapped like a burrito in a blanket), and drove away, none of you looking behind you as you left.

Standing on the porch was a petite woman with shoulder-length light brown hair and amber eyes wearing boots, dark jeans, a grey henley shirt, and a black leather jacket. She took a lollipop out of her jacket pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it in her mouth, the wrapper disappearing without a trace. With a twinkle in her eyes and a smirk on her lips, she saluted the car as it drove away, then snapped her fingers, vanishing.

Ye olde forever tags list: @icecream-and-gadreel @manawhaat @sammit-janet @littlegreenplasticsoldier @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @iwantthedean @growningupgeek @feelmyroarrrr @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @chelsea072498 @helvonasche @rizlowwritessortof @wheresthekillswitch @sandlee44 @icequeen1371 @tistai @pie-and-pudding @thelittleredwhocould @supernaturallymarvellous @ellen-reincarnated1967 @notnaturalanahi @salt-n-burn-em-all @fumar-et-flores @chalicia @smalltowndivaj @littlefreakingfangirl @straightestgay-voice @bunnybaby121115 @sylverminx @percywinchester27 @vanessa-monique @mottergirl99 @lynn1712 @gallxntdean @antares1980 @hunterpuff @beffyblueeyes @sammiesamness @cassieraider @emoryhemsworth @speakinvain @andkatiethings @latetothewinchesterparty @winchesterprincessbride

SPN tag sheet users: @vintagevalentinexx @thinkwritexpress-official @itsemmyb @ezauraemmaline @charliesbackbitches @deandoesthingstome @deerlululucy @walkingencyclopediaoffandom @growleytria @backbackbackagaynbitch @samtomydeanwinchester @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @thewinchestielboys @supermoonpanda  @sis-tafics @amaranthinecastiel @becs-bunker  @meganwinchester1999 @kittenofdoomage @samanddeanwinchester67 @ferferelli @lilyoflothlorien @olitzisbae @iridianuniverse @the-morning-star-falls  @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @chrisatplay @faith-in-dean @kreborn17 @for-the-love-of-dean @winchesterfiesta @zanthiasplace @gadreelsforbiddenfruit @trenchcoats-and-bees @curliesallovertheplace @jencharlan @skybinx-blog @beachy2014 @impossible-box @tia58 @faegal04 @sunriserose1023 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @saving-things-hunting-family @jotink78 @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @pinknerdpanda @alangel1895 @sassysupernaturalsweetheart @evilskank-inthemegacoven @rockhoochie @mogaruke

@matteson-crazed @castielspahdehrah @crzcorgi @ellen-reincarnated1967 @gryffindorable713 @myfand0msandm0re @strange-inhumanity-blog @noisilyyoungpuppy @fangirling-instead-of-working @aprofoundbondwithdean @roxy-davenport @kayteonline @spnsimpleman @mamaimpala @deanscarlett @sleep-silent-angel @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @not-so-natural-spn @thebunkerismyhome @feelmyroarrrr @fandom-book-nerd @deansleather @winchesterswoonathon @lucifer-in-leather @i-dont-know-how-to-write @everyday-supernatural-af @supernatural-jackles @babypieandwhiskey @avasmommy224 @mysaintsasinner @chelsea-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @besslincoln-bruh @wheresthekillswitch @shelovesallthethings @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @revwinchester @klaineaholic @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @supernaturalismalife @quiddy-writes @taste-of-dean @atwistoffate @there-must-be-a-lock @emoryhemsworth @winchestersmolder @beriala @hellbentcrowley @winchesters-princess @iamreadinginsecret @bohowitch

[muertawrites]

Make It Work (Loki x Reader)

Summary: Reader is Loki's personal seamstress, brought from Midgard to design for him. While making a little something for an upcoming gala, things take a turn and get interesting.

Word Count: 3,200

Author's Note: I've been watching a lot of Project Runway lately and got inspired to write this because of all the posts I’ve seen going around about how Extra AF™️ Loki is with his wardrobe. I think I might slowly be getting lost in my own imagination. I might also do a second part to this, but I’m not entirely sure yet. Also, I totally wrote this today instead of finishing the third part of Death’s Door because I’m awful, but I’m gonna try to get that up ASAP for the two of you who might actually be looking forward to it. My week is just going to be extremely hectic so please be kind and patient. Shit is going down for me right now but all of it’s good.

                                           ~ Muerta 🌸💀🌸

Loki Laufeyson was a very particular man. As king of Asgard, it was imperative that he always look his best; this was made all the more important due to the fact that he was, for lack of a better phrase, a conceited drama queen, and if everything he wore wasn't tailored perfectly to his tastes, didn't outdo everyone else in whatever room he happened to be standing in, it wasn't good enough. This vanity was exactly the reason why he'd offered you a job as his personal seamstress.

To be clear, Loki hadn't so much "offered" the position as he'd threatened to kidnap you at knife point if you didn't take it, and since you really didn't have anything bigger or better holding out for you on Midgard, you figured taking him up couldn't do much harm, so you went without a struggle.

He had started out as one of your customers at the Fifth Avenue tailor you worked for in Manhattan, a regular who always requested your services when coming in for a new suit. It was a high-end boutique, known for its super personalized suits and servicing the wealthiest businessmen in the country, as well as a few well known celebrities (Tom Hiddleston being the most notable among them).

You had always had an intense interest for men's suits, something that confused everyone you knew and, at times, even yourself. But you loved working with each piece, manipulating the fine fabrics at your disposal into the perfect fit for each client, going as understated or as over-the-top as was desired. There was so much more potential in a suit than most people realized, and seeing the way something as simple as expertly tailored wool and silk made every single man you dressed, no matter what his shape, size, or means, into a modern day Adonis never ceased to give you pride and satisfaction in your work. Loki noticed this dedication to your craft and refused to let anyone but you design for him.

At first, you made only all black suits for the god. Always in the same materials, always in the same fit. After about ten of these suits, however, Loki noticed how you began to get bored, and, not wanting you lose your attention, he requested his next suit be made with gold embellishments, which you were free to be creative with. Being a native New Yorker, you knew exactly who he was and where he came from and, not holding any grudges due to his polite demeanor and generous tipping habits, you made the detailing extremely intricate, consisting of traditional Norse interlace patterns, embroidered in varying shades of gold to give it depth. It became one of Loki's favorite suits, and he continued to give you requests for subtly different designs until finally taking you for himself.

It was another beautiful day in Asgard's capital city, one which you were spending in your studio in the palace, bent over an expanse of black and green leather you were attempting to shape into Loki's next ensemble, something for an important gala he was hosting in a few weeks. You were so absorbed in your work that you didn't hear him come in, pacing across the room until he was stood right behind you, looming over your shoulder to get a look at what you were doing.

"It should have a cape," he said in your ear.

You jumped, startled, and fell backwards into him, his large hands taking hold of your shoulders to keep you from toppling over. You glared up at him, getting an amused smirk in response.

"I'm not putting a cape on it," you quipped. "I don't trust the people you've invited to this thing not to attack you, and a cape is basically a death sentence in a fight."

Loki shrugged.

"It could be a removable cape," he suggested.

"Oh, what, like how you have removable innards?" you countered. "I know you're probably going to die because of your own melodramatic stupidity, but I'm not going to be the one to enable it."

Loki chuckled, crossing the room to the stacks of fabric you had piled up against the wall, running one of the velvets between his fingers.

"Are you making something for yourself?" he asked.

"For the gala? Why?" you replied.

"I would very much like you to come as my companion."

You smirked, finishing up the line you were sewing and cutting off the loose end with one of the knives you kept handy, a habit you had gotten from spending so much time with Loki.

"Don't you think you'll look bad taking one of the help as your date?" you teased. 

Loki scoffed, rolling his eyes at you.

"That attitude of yours worries me more than anything else," he replied.

You laughed, looking up at him and gesturing him over.

“Come here,” you said. “Clothes off, I want to see how it looks.”

Loki gave you a brief look of annoyance but made his way over to you without a fight. He stripped down to his underthings, standing in front of you with nearly all of his pale, lean frame exposed, looking quite bored with what could be considered such a scandalous situation. You were unphased by his nakedness, having seen much more of the god than you were willing to admit you liked during your many fittings, and went immediately to work, first tying up his hair in a messy knot atop his head so it was out of your way, having to stand on a step stool to reach.

“We match,” Loki said, nodding at your own disheveled twist of hair as he met your eyes in the mirror that spanned an entire wall of your studio. You playfully stuck your tongue out at him, hopping down from your stool and taking your latest work from its place at the table.

After maneuvering the leather over Loki’s legs and torso, you pinned each piece of material together where the seams would be, taking note of where things didn’t quite fit or lay right. Once you were satisfied with your inspection, you stepped away, smoothing out the material with your hands and meeting Loki’s eyes in the mirror once again.

“How is it?” you asked, pulling a stray pin out of your mouth. “I know you like a gold plate at your neck, and I kind of wanted to do a bigger one this time, almost like a chest plate with maybe some matching cuffs… What?” You looked over at his expression, which was pulled into a frown. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Aside from the fact that there is no cape,” Loki drawled, turning to get a better view of his reflection, “I am unhappy with the fact that it is quite boring.”

“Boring,” you repeated, raising your brows. He nodded.

“Yes. This here,” – he gestured to the ribbing at his torso – “is far too simple, it needs… more. The shoulders should be broader, too, and I want something here,” – he swiped a hand down his right arm – “some sort of design or something. And I want a coat.”

“I thought you wanted a cape,” you deadpanned.

“You can do both,” Loki replied, shrugging. “I would also like a new helmet. I would like the horns to be bigger… more curved.”

You huffed, closing your eyes for a moment as you focused your thoughts on ways not to kill him. He always did this, so it was nothing new, but he came to you with crazier, more insane suggestions each time he gave his critiques. If it weren’t what you put every ounce of your time and energy into, you were certain you wouldn’t be able to keep up with his demands. You put your hands on your hips, biting your lip in frustration as you walked over to him, looking him up and down.

“… Okay,” you sighed. “Okay. I’ll get some sketches made for the coat, I’ll add a little bit to the sleeve and talk to the goldsmith about your helmet, and I’ll just extend the chest plate to make up for the issues with the torso. You’re still not getting a cape.”

“Why can’t I have the cape?” Loki asked, indignant.

“Because you’ll look fucking ridiculous with a coat and a cape and I’m not going to do that to my reputation.”

Loki stared you down but didn’t retort, and that was the closest you knew you would ever get to him admitting that you were right. You smiled at him, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you for understanding,” you said. “You can get dressed now.”

You helped Loki out of the unfinished garments, not being as careful as you should have been about avoiding stabbing him with the pins they were now laden with, and spread them back out on the table, running your fingers over them in thought.

“I’ll be back this evening,” Loki told you as he stalked out of the room, stopping at the double doors leading out into the corridor. “Make something for yourself. Preferably something that matches what you’ve made for me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumbled, waving him out without looking up at him.

Loki smirked, stealing one last, endearing glance at you before leaving you to your work.

 “Oh, come on!” you cried, mouth full of pasta and vegetables. “There’s an unconventional materials challenge every fucking season, how are you surprised by this?!”

You were sat on the plush, bed-sized couch in the break room connected to your studio, having a late dinner before getting back to work on Loki’s gala outfit. A major perk of being one of the king’s favorite people in the palace was that he was willing to give you whatever you wanted in exchange for your best work, and for you, that meant a cozy Midgardian style lounge, complete with a fridge full of snacks and a TV with every paid streaming service available. Tonight you were watching Project Runway, indulging in your favorite reality show for inspiration and releasing some stress by ripping your least favorite designers to shreds.

“What are you screaming about?” Loki snapped, making his presence known as he skulked through the doorway. You shoveled more pasta into your mouth, humming in excitement.

“Project Runway,” you told him. “It’s this show where fashion designers compete against each other for this huge prize and a ton of exposure. They make a new outfit every single episode and it’s just insane the talent that some of them have.”

“And this is what you’re doing instead of working?” Loki asked disapprovingly, though he sank down on the couch beside you after fishing an extra fork from one of the drawers in the kitchenette, stabbing it into your pasta and taking a bite for himself.

“I’m having dinner,” you said, fighting off his fork with your own when he tried to plunge it back into your bowl. “There’s more in the fridge if you want some. We can finish this episode then go look at what I have finished.”

Four episodes later, you and Loki were still in the lounge, sprawled out on the couch and screaming at each other in adamant disagreement about who you each thought deserved to win the season.

“Everything he designs looks exactly the same, and none of it is even that good!” you shouted. “Like, who the hell is even going to wear any of that? What value do any of his designs have if he can’t market them??”

“He is an artist,” Loki scoffed back at you. “He does not need to sell his fashions because he is making a statement with them. You of all people should understand that.”

“There’s a reason it’s called the fashion industry, Loki,” you snapped. “And the only ‘statement’ a beige parachute makes on a runway is ‘everything I do is bored and uninspired, just like me’!”

You were silenced by a throw pillow smacking you in the face, causing you to huff in surprise and flail your arms as you tried to deflect the projectiles being hurled at you. You managed to catch one of them, bringing it down into Loki’s cheek, causing him to cackle with laughter as he crawled over you, wrapping his strong arms around your body and pinning you to the cushions. You squirmed against him, glaring up at his obnoxiously smug face when you realized you were trapped, wishing you had a hand free to slap the smirk from it.

“Let me go,” you demanded.

“You have to either agree with me, or give up this nonsensical program and show me what you’ve made,” Loki countered. You rolled your eyes.

“You are an absolute killjoy,” you said, wiggling under his weight.

“Does that mean you agree with me?” Loki asked.

“Never,” you hissed, baring your teeth at him. He laughed, freeing you from his grasp and offering you his hand.

“Come,” he coaxed you. “Let us see what you have done.”

You took Loki’s hand and allowed him to hoist you off the couch, still holding onto him as he led you into your studio. You brought him to the mannequin you had dressed his outfit in, sighing as you reached out to fold one of the shoulders of the coat you had recently crafted over and off of it, revealing the changes you had made to the top underneath.

“So, I added the design to the sleeve like you wanted,” you said, moving your hands over the various pieces as you spoke, “and added it to the calves of the pants too so it matched a little better. I made the shoulders of the coat bigger like you wanted but I still haven’t done anything to the torso of the shirt because the chest plate is going to be so big.”

Loki hummed, stroking his chin as he looked over the changes you’d made.

“… It’s good,” he concluded after a while. “It’s very good. I am excited to see it finished.”

You smiled, letting out a breath you didn’t notice you had been holding.

“Now,” Loki said suddenly, pulling you out of your momentary relief. “What have you made for yourself?”

You held your breath again, considering your words carefully as you spoke.

“Well… I started a dress, but I don’t know exactly how you’ll feel about it.”

“Show it to me,” Loki commanded.

You breathed deeply, slowly pacing over to the closet on the other side of the room and pulling the one dress form you owned from it, revealing what you had spent a considerable amount of your afternoon on. It wasn’t a traditional gown like you assumed Loki had intended, but was instead a suit jacket made from the same leather his own ensemble was formed in, tailored to fit perfectly to the curves of your body like a corset and sewn together in a decorative plait where the buttons would have been, fanning out into a flowing, floor-length skirt which faded from black to emerald. You had cut the sides of the jacket into curves that arched at the waist, forming pointed V shapes in the front and back, and had accented it with a gold silk pocket square. You chewed on your lip as you watched Loki’s eyes scan over the gown.

“… I would like to see it on you,” he said after a moment, his eyes meeting yours.

“No,” you replied, a strong blush creeping across your cheeks. “I’m not undressing in front of you.”

“Why not?” Loki smirked. “I’ve undressed for you on dozens of occasions.”

You glared at him, then rolled your eyes as you broke under his gaze, reluctantly stepping out of your clothes and into the dress. You were thankful when he turned around, being polite enough to look away until you were completely dressed again, clearing your throat to signal that you were decent. 

Loki raked his eyes over your body, his tongue gliding over his lips in thought.

“It is not horrid,” he decided eventually, one of his hands reaching out to toy with the lapel of the jacket.

“I’m flattered,” you replied humorlessly. Loki chuckled.

“It is quite interesting,” he said, stepping back to get a better view of the dress as a whole. “It fits you well… but you look something like the wicked witch from that Midgardian tale about the girl from Kansas.”

You sneered, wanting to stab him with your shearing scissors.

“Oh, do not look at me like that, pet,” Loki chided you, amused by your murderous gaze. “I do like it. But I feel you can do better for yourself.”

You huffed, shaking your head and letting your shoulders fall, wondering if you would ever please the too-critical god on a first attempt.

“What do you suggest I do, then?” you snapped.

Loki pursed his lips together, pacing forward so that he was mere inches from you, his chest nearly touching yours. You felt your body grow warm at his closeness, and you found it hard to continue holding his gaze. One of his hands slipped in between the two of you to the plait in the front of your gown, his slender fingers running down it and untangling it, taking out the stitches you had laid underneath it as well. You drew a shallow breath in between your teeth, cursing him as well as yourself for the pleasure and excitement you could feel welling in your stomach.

“You are so gorgeous, Y/N,” Loki purred, his hand now sliding beneath the leather at your shoulder, grazing over your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, “and as much as I admire your work with suits, you deserve to wear something that… ravishes you.”

With a quick sweep of his hand, Loki slid the fabric covering you from your body, leaving you completely exposed as it fell to the floor in a heap at your feet. You shivered as the cool air hit your exposed skin, and your eyes fell to see that Loki’s chest was heaving despite his calm demeanor. He rested one of his long fingers under your chin, tilting your head upward to face him, your noses brushing softly together and his lips nearly on yours, leaving you longing for his kiss. Your hand fell to his hip and pulled him the slightest bit closer to you, seemingly of its own volition.

“I want you to make something so alluring,” Loki whispered, his eyes cutting into yours with unspeakable need, “that I can barely control myself when I see you in it.”

You had to physically bite down on your lip to keep the gasp from escaping your throat, your eyes fluttering as Loki leaned in and kissed the corner of your mouth before pulling away, leaving you feeling cold and vulnerable, your body aching for the return of his touch.

“Make it work,” he teased, his voice lilting in the same graceful, effeminate way as Tim Gunn’s would when uttering those words.

As Loki lurked through the doors, leaving you naked and alone in the middle of your studio, you promised yourself that the gown you wore to the gala would do nothing short of absolutely devastating him.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

some of ya’ll might remember a drama I had a few months ago involving an old friend/parental figure and her new, much younger boyfriend.

here’s how that’s going (mostly for my record, you should prolly skip this tbh.)

tw for abuse, super large age gaps in romantic relationships, ableism towards mental illness, making fun of triggers, etc.

it’s also long af lmao, sorry mobile users

basically I burned a bridge previously thought Unburnable. A friend I’d had for 15 years chose the opinions and viewpoint of her months-long relationship over mine, in an issue that I considered a huge red flag. there’s honestly been so many red flags.

first - she’s 46, I’ve known her since I was 12. she helped raise me through my teen years (she’s my mom’s ex-girlfriend, but they broke up in like, 2010, so that’s old news). her new bf is 24. I’m 26. you can see one big red flag right there. I can’t even go into that one. it grosses me out.

the next came when the Boy and I got into an argument on Facebook (ofc lol). I posted something out of context about men not telling other men to smile on the street, how if it was well-intentioned towards women they wouldn’t do it towards men. it was out of context but I figured most people would fucking get it. 

he countered with some MRA “men aren’t allowed to have feelings” bullshit, basically making the conversation about how dudes are actually the victims, immediately. I smelled that from a mile away, gave an evasive questioning response, he sniped back with the same shit. It devolved from there.

it was clearly something he had done a lot of before. so, like, he’s an internet troll. okay, whatever. sometimes young men make dumb choices and the internet is ripe for that kind of embarrassing faux pas. at that moment I still believed it was something he could’ve been educated out of.

it was a dumb internet argument that I even I can admit got super out of hand. after a lot of pointless back-and-forth, I asked him to stop engaging because I realized it was something that I clearly felt more passionately about than him.

I had also had a very reasonable conversation with my friend about him on the phone, which encouraged me to try to just end the debate. she had assured me it was a fluke, that he was just trying to have a debate, told me some of his Tragic Backstory to make up for it, yadadada. whatever. I was ready to move on.

the Boy could not let me have the last word though. and his last words were, in my opinion, a gigantic fucking red flag, and would have been a dealbreaker for me personally, if I was dating him.

his exact words were: “and so the triggered internet warrior loses the plot”

so a triggered joke. y’know, something shitty people do. making fun of and making light of ptsd. something internet trolls are known to do. and the alt-right.

it was a big, giant red flag for me.

I foolishly believed my friend had a similar heart to mine, and that she would (a) take my word that he was being an asshole, even if she didn’t fully understand the context due to the age gap, since I’ve known her for 15 years and he’d known her for about two months at the time, and (b) also see it as a dealbreaker. 

I mentioned her by name on Facebook ( “does your gf know the kind of person you are,” essentially). She’s an old person so she took me mentioning her (not even tagging her! just mentioning her!) as a grave insult, and she and I had several screaming, crying phone conversations that weekend where she basically refused to listen to me, and I got exponentially angrier and angrier about her indifference and how unaffected she was by what the Boy said. it didn’t help that she proceeded to spend the weekend with him while ignoring all of my texts and phone calls. I felt he had undue influence over her and that I was losing the chance to have her understand why this was a red flag.

I got a lil scary. understand this person was like a mother to me, or at the very least like an older sister/auntie. I suppose I felt she owed me something, due to our history. that was a bit crazy-person of me, but also not totally unfounded. I lived in her house for two years after she and my mom broke up. my mom abused her and I was the one to help break that cycle. we had been incredibly close and I often told her things I would tell no one else. she would do the same with me. I expected her to take my side, or to at the very least understand my viewpoint. I was devastated, heartbroken, and pissed off when she took his.

still am, or I wouldn’t be here writing a 1000 word blog entry on a semi-public platform just to explain the backstory of what happened two months ago - not even the most recent, most troubling development in this stupid saga.

regardless, she basically thought I misunderstood him, and I came to the realization that it was probably the first time she had ever even heard the word “triggered” in that context - as someone making fun of someone else for a mental illness. she basically accused me of living in a liberal echo chamber/thought bubble, that she “knew his heart” and he “couldn’t possibly have meant something bad by it” (not verbatim, but the gist). she used the fact that a couple of my like-minded friends jumped in to rag on him after he dropped the triggered joke. not before, during the actual (slightly more reasonable) discourse.

I ended up getting like, obscenely mad at this, and really bratty. I told my friend she was out of touch and it was embarrassing. That I was ashamed of her. That she was a detriment to the nonprofit field (where she works) because she was so behind-the-times. That she was relying on her job to get out of having to do any work towards social issues in her personal life. I got mean.

b/c that’s what I do when I know I’m burning a bridge.

and I knew I was. b/c if she can’t trust me and listen to me about this, one of the most important things to me, a value I thought she shared - then she’s not who I thought she was. and, to be melodramatic as fuck because that’s who I am - she’s literally sleeping with the motherfucking enemy.

so. that’s what happened like...two or three months ago. we haven’t spoken since. I did my salt-the-earth-of-this-relationship-with-insults routine, blocked her on all available methods of contact, and tried to move on.

unfortunately, another drama in my family chose this time to intersect, because that’s how life works for me and mine.

my sister is on house arrest. for lots of complicated and ugly reasons, my friend’s house was the best place for her to serve this sentence. my sister just got out of a very abusive relationship. she’s a recovering alcoholic - but only when she’s being monitored via ankle bracelet by the state. like she recently went on a bender that coincided with my other sister’s wedding, which she was absent for, causing a huge rift there. she’s trying really, really hard to get her life back on track, despite making some mistakes. my friend really made it seem like she was in my sister’s corner, and like she was willing to build a safe and stable place for my sister to get sober and do her time.

I just found out from my mom that the Boy put his hands on my sister. 

There was a bad argument, things got out of hand (serious rage issues in my family - it’s in our blood, regardless of sobriety, tbh. drinking just brings it out faster). My sister was being forced to quit smoking cigarettes because my friend decided to. I can understand how it escalated.

What I can’t understand is how my friend thought it was acceptable, given what she went through. Given she knows exactly what my sister has been going through.

My sister screamed, “don’t put your fucking hands on me”

he replied, “I’ll put my hands on you whenever I want.”

but I’m just a crazy liberal living in an echo chamber, right? I totally didn’t see right through this guy from the moment I met him, or from the first serious conversation I had with him? naaah. crazy liberal in an echo chamber.

I’m smug because if I stay smug I won’t get pissed. I won’t drive over there as soon as my husband is home and read that disgusting, borderline-pedophilic couple the riot act.

and I won’t feel guilty for how I’m in no position to help my sister out. that she’s in another house with another entitled, violent fucking straight man.

I can’t even like, approach my friend for another wakeup call. I’m too good at burning bridges. she won’t listen to me anymore. even if she barely did at the start.

ugh.

where’s my weed.

[songofmysnark]

“Perfect,” by Ed Sheeran

The least perfect song in the world.  This shit is fucking awful.  It’s bad enough that I have found it necessary to present evidence that Ed Sheeran may have been put under the spell of a powerful sea witch.

Let’s dive right into this unholy mess of unexamined emotional hellscape.  Buckle up, kids.

I found a love for me Darling just dive right in And follow my lead

Why are you diving, Ed?  Stop mixing metaphors, are you ballroom dancing underwater?  Are you waltzing through a swamp?  Why are you wearing scuba gear to this tango meetup?  ED WHAT IS GOING ON? I am worried.

But before we clarify what’s going on, who are you speaking to?  “I found a love for me” is not something you say to your smoochiepie, but then you’re addressing “Darling” and instructing her to dive into your shitty mixed metaphors.  Are you singing to us, the audience, or your love that you found?  Are you telling a story or serenading your lady friend?  Ed, this kind of shit is why you are so goddamn easy to mock.

Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet I never knew you were the someone waiting for me 'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love Not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time

I’m coming up to speed here, my befreckled carrot chunk.  Let me translate: you had a crush on this chick, she didn’t like you much, and then you got rich and she was like “welp, gotta survive somehow” and is now swallowing her pride and marrying a guy with a giant jungle cat tattoo on his chest because it means she won’t have to work anymore?  Cool, glad I’m reading between the lines.  Gold digger, redheaded nugget, it’s a warm-toned match made in heaven.  

But here is where Ed Sheeran starts to do the thing that sends me into a feminist rage spiral:  nothing about this woman is at all about her as an individual, but it is definitely about him as an individual.  It’s one of those “Nice Guy (TM)” things that I hate: the dude here gets to have autonomy and his own story is central to the narrative, while simultaneously, his comfort, pleasure, and gaze are prioritized.  

He found a girl?  No, he did not.  She existed all along, he didn’t do a goddamn thing.  People are not hidden fucking treasures, Ed.

She was the someone waiting for him?  No, she was doing her thing, Ed.  And then you came along (again).  You really think she was waiting for you any more than you were waiting for her?  I mean, you weren’t, you totally sing songs about boinking other ladies.  You both just met at a convenient time and were like “I guess you’ll do.”  Stop making this sound like she actually held out for you.  She didn’t.

You were just kids when you fell in love?  AS OPPOSED TO WHEN, ED?  YOU WERE BORN IN 1991.  YOU HAD TO GROW INTO THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS, PAL.  And we know nothing about when this chick fell in love with you.  Hindsight is 2020, my sweet little baby child crooner.

Let me put on my therapist hat, my little tattooed gnome.  When/why did you “give it up?”  I’m curious.  Tell us more about that.  No?  Not wanting to talk about how you likely acted like a bit of an ass to this woman?  Okay, let’s keep going.

Can we talk about this one thing, though?  Your phrasing is odd.  Like, your syntax is fucking horrid, but points to your own self-centered brand of narcissism that has become your trademark.  You are the one dancing in the dark, and you have her between your arms while dancing.  Not only is this just weird, because the subject/object relationship separates you both, but you’re not even saying that you’re dancing together.  You’re dancing, and she’s an accessory placed between your arms.  It also sort of sounds like you’re in the 8th grade and dancing like a mummy -- you know, the way kids sort of hold their arms out and sway during slow songs?  If they didn’t have each other, they would look like mummies.  Are you mummy-dancing with your love, Ed?  Or are you just writing lyrics that center around you as the primary figure and place your partner as a peripheral accessory object that is described in terms of her physical relationship to your body parts?  Isn’t the point of dancing like that about togetherness, like “we were dancing together” or even using a transitive verb to at least link the activity between you two.  Nope, dancing in the dark, and she was an accessory.  Like a flashlight or a bolo tie.

I know, I know.  I’m so pedantic.  And you’re singing about your experience, from your point of view.  You’re right -- and I’m not saying you shouldn’t think or sing or say this crap.  You can do all those things.  And I can judge the living shit out of you for it, because you come off as a selfish, childish, manbaby.

Moving right along...

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own And in your eyes you're holding mine

Ed, you’ve got to cool it with the weird possessiveness shit.  But this has given me a great mental picture of her eyes growing tiny hands and ripping Ed’s eyes out of his head while they (the eyes growing the hands) scream “MIIIIINE.”  Oh Ed, the beautiful images you paint with your lyrics.  Never change.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

See, this shit?  This is gold.  This is why I have a tumblr dedicated almost entirely to the shameful pile of lyrical poop that is Ed Sheeran’s discography.  Let’s break down everything that’s wrong with this fucking terrible refrain that we will be subjected to repeatedly, over and over, on our traffic-laden commute thanks to Top 40 radio’s obsession with Ginny Weasley’s favorite saccharine leprechaun. #magicallypernicious #unluckycharms

She said she looked like shit because a. she thought so or b. she’s thirsty AF.  And you’re like “you look perfect tonight.”  I mean, that’s sweet, but also, WTF were you doing barefoot in grass with your favorite song playing?  Were you camping?  Was this a date?  Did you tell her that this OBVIOUSLY PREVIOUSLY ORCHESTRATED EVENT was happening?  Did you give her a chance to, like, make sure she put her anti-humidity spray in her hair before you took her out to some swampy field and put on whatever her favorite song is?  What is her favorite song, Ed?  Do you sing it?  I didn’t think so.  NEXT VERSE!

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own

I swear to fuck, Sheeran.  Stop.

Every goddamn time I hear this verse, I just cringe.  My whole entire body just shrinks up into a massive, painful, muscle-spasming cringe.  Part of it is that melodramatic way you sing it, really going to town on the microphone when you sing about “carrying children,” that makes me hope for the cleansing tide of early-onset alzheimers to wash away the memory of ever hearing this goddamn line being belted through the speakers of my Toyota.

And I get it, you were like “hey I’m a lyrical genius, did you know that the word ‘carry’ can be used as the verb when describing someone bearing and/or transporting a physical or emotional load AND being pregnant with a baby?  Cool, man, you figured that out and had her carry secrets AND your future spawn, because you are that ~*deep*~ to be like “I can use the same verb to describe keeping secrets and popping out some progeny!”  

Do you only value her strength because it’s useful to you???  Way to be.  This is why we still need feminism.  You are framing this all about what this person can do for you.  She can carry your secrets for you!  She can have your baby for you!  She can be strong for you! As previously established, you are disorganized and have a hard time delegating, but seriously, nobody needs to bear this fucking burden.  You’re just like “Fuck her own stuff, fuck how strong she’s needed to be while I behaved badly toward her!” (Reminder: you apparently gave it up and left her for a bit; see verse 1 because you know I keep my receipts).  

And really? To carry MORE than just your secrets?  Like, that’s already a fucking load to bear and now you’re going to weigh your ladyfriend down like a pack mule with the rest of your fucking baggage?  Way to be a gentleman.  Grow a pair of gingernuts and figure your shit out, son.

By the way, what secrets are you keeping?  Like, big secrets?  Like “Dick Cheney would waterboard you to get at them” secrets?  Or just, like, whatever you did at music camp when you were 11 and played a little too much truth or dare?  You know what, forget I asked, the idea of combining enhanced interrogation with Ed Sheeran’s pre-pubescent truth-or-dare behavior is making me want to bleach my mind’s eye.  Carry on, my wayward son.

What dreams of yours does she share, Ed?  I know it’s a figure of speech, but last night I had a dream that in the middle of an international cuisine tasting conference, I was tasked with butchering an octopus in a college dorm room and ended up having sex with Ursula the Sea Witch, so I wouldn’t wish my dreams on anyone.

And sharing her home, Ed? Is this your nod to feminism, like oh, despite singing about her as an accessory, I’m going to acknowledge her earning potential and, in this version of the narrative, make sure you know it’s her home.  The wage gap doesn’t exist, she’ll be the one to get us a home, I’m progressive! Or are you implying that she’ll be a homemaker?  Either way, this is not a good look, Ed.

We are still kids, but we're so in love Fighting against all odds

How the fuck don’t you realize that I keep my goddamn receipts?  You referenced how you were kids back then (see verse 1 above and my joke about being born in 1991, buddy) and now you’re like “WE’RE STILL CRAZY KIDS!”  Sweetie, buddy, pal, my guy, the lack of continuity here is astounding, I mean how the fuck are you making so much goddamn money off of these truly awful songs?  

I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand Be my girl, I'll be your man

Nabokov already wrote this novel.  You know, that whole “light of my life, fire of my loins, I’m dead when she leaves me” book?  Yes?  No?  Okay, look it up later.  

I see my future in your eyes.

Plot Twist:  Ed Sheeran is in love with Lolita, but Lolita is an immortal and ageless sea witch.  IS THIS WHY HE WAS DIVING RIGHT IN?  

It doesn’t matter if her name takes a trip of three steps down the tongue if she steals your voice.  How’s that for lyricism?

I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect I don't deserve this

Okay, I was wrong.  This entire song is about his complicated relationship with a sea witch who has cast a spell.  If you sing it in a minor key, this shit is really ominous.  I have faith in the truth that I see now before me, she has revealed her true identity and it is terrible, please make it stop, I see the horrors for what they are now!  It’s the angel of death, I have seen her in person and I don’t deserve this torture!  She is perfect in her wrath and I must pray now and praise her while recanting my douchebaggery, I am now crying for help in this field as my love has revealed herself as a mirror into my own terror, and I am but a shapeless narrator without an audience, screaming into the void!  Is this why she holds your eyes in hers?  Is this why she shares your dreams, because she can see inside of your soul and reflect your own desires back at you until you’re blinded and crazed by your own self-centered bullshit?  Is the sea witch using the Mirror of Erised as a shield to protect herself from your bullshit?  

We’re worried, Ed.  

You look perfect tonight

For fuck’s sake, Ed.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Doing the Write Thing #36 (painfully [with lots of loner])

So hello.

I said I would have one of these up a week ago if not, disappointment would ensue, so I guess disappointment ensued, because here we are.

I just kind of want to get a little bit real with you guys because I’m just in a really weird period of my life right now?

So, as you guys probably know (especially if you’ve followed this series for a while), I’ve been having a fairly good writing life as of late... I mean, there have been so bumps in the road at times, but nothing major.

I feel like I've recently bumped onto the ‘major’ side of this rough road.

I don’t really know what’s up... But I just feel extremely unmotivated? Which just sucks because I’ve been pretty on fire recently, and all that I’m writing is stuff I’ve been waiting for so long for... In all honesty, I kind of feel like everything I've written in the past week has been unnecessary. And in terms of plot, that isn’t true at all, as I've been writing major events, but I just haven’t been feeling it very much...

Not sure where this lack of energy came from, or why it came at a time so random, but I just wanted to mention that a bit. That’s kind of why I’ve been slacking on this blog... And why I’ve been slacking just in general.

I did film two videos today, which is great, but after doing that, I was just so... overworked... I’m worrying about a lot of things in terms of my writing way too much (with this series, with I’M DISAPPOINTED), so I’ve just been hella bogged down... I don’t know, I was really excited for what I was writing, and then the excitement sort of died... For some reason...

I feel like I should hold off on drafting for a couple days because what I’m writing is just insanely important, and I’m not pulling it off very well... That’s kind of the worst feeling, when you’ve built something up so much, and then you write it, and you fail......

Ohhhhh, hello angst.

I kind of want to write something I don't have to worry about, but I’m not sure what that is. I’d like to dabble in the idea of planning something else for the future, since this one character is kind of pulling on my brain a bit, but I don't know... I’m just so unproductive, and it’s really bumming me out.

I tried writing today, and I did write today, but it was kind of painful... Seriously, the words are just coming out so slowly, and it’s not that good kind of slow. It’s just leading to really bad work, which isn’t good... I feel like I've built a lot of pressure on myself, which I don't mind--I like being under pressure, but I’m kind of getting so worked up that I’m crashing and doing nothing all day... Don’t know if this is a mood thing, or a life thing, but in general, ya girl isn’t feeling it.

I’m just posting this because I like documenting all sides to my writing process. If you’re going through something similar, I’m really sorry. :( To be honest, if you want, we can just eat ice cream and cry or something because this genuinely isn’t fun. :(

Anywho, here’s the update:

Daily word count goal: 250

Words written: 1805

Total word count: 86 907

Total page count: 170

Songs played: I tried with some Daughter, but even that wasn’t helping, so I just turned it off. lol. This is so sad.

Things to know: I’m in that rut where I really want to write, but I just can’t, and not even pushing myself is working...

How I felt: Angsty as hell, kinda insecure, usual angsty things.

Bad haiku to describe writing session: How could this happen / To me I made my mistakes / Got nowhere to run

This is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.

Can’t take the credit for this one, but thank you Simple Plan. And this is the only haiku that isn't bad. Thank you Simple Plan. Simple Plan wins.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAAAAAAAM

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEE

Rating of writing session out of 10 and why: Ugh lord like a 2 how could this happen to meeeeeeee

On a scale from 1-10 my level of stoked-ness is: like a -2

Lyrics to describe writing session: Let me just re-iterate:

How could this happen to me? / I made my mistakes / Got nowhere to run / The night goes on / As I'm fading away / I'm sick of this life / I just wanna scream / How could this happen to me?

Oh also:

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered / And I can't explain what happened / And I can't erase the things that I've done / No, I can't

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEE

- Untitled, Simple Plan

GIF to describe writing session:

also

and

Excerpt:

...love is murderous.

ya.

But she insists she fine, she’s not going to fall, she’s going to be alright, she’s going to be alright. Except, she isn’t alright.

ugh me

fun fact about the scene where this line comes from: it’s written in 2nd person. Very fitting, though I’m interested to re-visit it when I’m in a better headspace!

“Goddammit Loner, what the hell are you hiding on here to need a fucking industrial strength password…”

yeah lets just blame all of this on Loner, stupid Loner.

(Have I mentioned Ris’ nickname for Lonan is Loner? I’m a terrible person.)

(Poor boy.)

r u ready for the first drop of the Loner bomb in book two.

(I wrote this two years ago and it's better than my writing now :'))

“You’re not gonna touch her again, okay Loner? If you pull something like what you did to her before this, if you try anything, I will personally beat the living fuck out of you.”

alrighty then there Harrison y’all can chill out yanno...

(this was from antagonist loner days lmao that lasted as long as my ability to craft a good sentence ha rip)

first loner bomb from Ris in book three:

“I’m pretty sure tracking Loner down isn’t going to fix any of this.” Harrison mutters, not bothering to hide the scowl when he hits Loner.

this is from the anti-hero days.

first loner bomb from Ris in book four:

“Leave Loner and the girl, we don’t have time,” Harrison says when he crooks open the door and steps out onto the asphalt that’s been tinged with blue under the moonlight.

whats with this lengthy ass sentence fam bruh ok

first loner bomb from Ris in book five:

“Loner’s weird like that.”

BUT ALSO THE SECOND LONER DROP FROM RIS IS THE BEST:

“You shoot my dog, and I will literally murder you with my bare fucking hands. Don’t test me, Loner.”

I will also murder you (AND I CAN DO THAT COZ WRITERZ) with him if you even touch that beautiful dog, you dunce.

Harrison loves his dog. June (the dog) loves Harrison. Very great relationship going on there.

I don't do animal cruelty. No. Leave. NOT OKAY.

first loner drop in book five ever is literally so sad and funny:

Hey, Lonan. Just want to apologize for maybe making you feel… Er… Well, like a loner…

The second one is angsty because Loner himself says it:

“Yeah, but… The people who raised you—the people you grew up knowing as your family aren’t here anymore. Sometimes I forget how… Lonely that must be.” “Go figures… I am Loner…”

rip loner 2k17

lonerrrrrrrrrrr

I actually think @sarahkelsiwrites was the one who came up with this Loner thing. Thank her.

I love the name Lonan in all honesty, I genuinely do. And its meaning gives me so much life. If he didn't take it, I’d hold onto it.

So this writing update cheered me up. Seriously, don’t worry about me, I’ll spring back. This is more comical to me, if anything, LOL, and these angsty af posts are where I share that.

You guys are genuinely the best, and I thank you for all the support you give me! These are hilarious to read in the future, so hopefully my *melodramatic* misery was somewhat entertaining to you. :)

Thanks for reading! I’ll see you tomorrow. (pls)

--Rachel

[iris-sistibly]

4R’s: Encantadia Season 2 (Feb. 9, 2017 episode review)

Episode 149

Recap:

The Second Saga

The story of the gods

Many years have passed, Encantadia is very much at peace.

Alena and Imaw arrived at Cassiopeia’s island and found the ancient diwata doing a “pamamanata,” Alena informed that the test for the diwanis was about to begin, Cassiopeia immediately left to give the said tests to the princesses. Alena wondered why Cassiopeia came back to her island and why she was doing a “pamamanata,” Imaw explained that it is her way of keeping her heart pure and fair as a part of the process of becoming a bathaluman (goddess). Imaw told Alena a brief story of how Encantadia was created, about a group of deities who remained neutral during the celestial war between the “light/good” and “dark/evil.” These deities created the world of Encantadia and lived there in peace with the creatures they brought to life, but some of the deities became weary and decided to leave Encantadia and the gods Emre, Arde and Ether who were left swore to never leave the realm, but because of greed and jealousy, Arde and Ether attempted to take down Emre in order to gain his power, but Emre defeated both of them, he punished both gods. Despite of this, there were denizens who were still in awe of Ether’s power and ended up worshipping her, thus the Kingdom of Etheria was established. For a long period of time, the Etherians led by Queen Avria terrorized other races. But the once powerful kingdom crumbled into dust when Emre appeared and gave the mother gem to Cassiopeia, this gem was the key to the downfall of Etheria. The fact that Cassiopeia is the oldest living diwata, the first keeper of the mother gem and the first ruler of the diwatas made it possible for her to become a goddess in the future. She has been through many tests and has proved herself powerful enough to defy all odds, now she is on the final process of becoming a bathaluman herself, the answer was yes, it is possible for anyone to become a deity. Alena hoped for Cassiopeia’s success.

In memory of Hara Amihan

Danaya and the diwatas paid their respects and remembered Amihan once again. Hara Danaya was grateful for everything that Amihan did to restore peace in Encantadia, her sacrifice was truly something to be thanked for, but deep in their hearts, they were still longing for their beloved Hara. Muros comforted Danaya and reminded her that Amihan wouldn’t want to see her loved ones still mourning for her, instead, they should look at the bright side, the prizes of her sacrifice. Pirena continue to become a compassionate and kind diwata and at the same time a good ruler to Hathoria, Sapiro has become more progressive thanks to Rama Ybrahim’s wise leadership, everything Amihan did was truly worth it.

The road to becoming a sang’gre

King Ybrahim went to Lireo to visit his daughter, Danaya informed her that she and Mira were going through a test made by Cassiopeia, the queen assured him that the diwanis will be able to surpass their tests, Danaya invited Ybrahim to the guest room while the king waited for Lira. When Danaya and Ybrahim left, Alena showed up with Muyak, the pixie knew Alena hasn’t gotten over with Ybrahim (me: are you fuckin’ serious?!), Alena chose to avoid Ybrahim as much as possible to avoid tension or awkwardness between the two of them (me: somebody get me chocolate to calm my nerves please!).

Lira and Mira, riding a flying pashnea, hovering over a deserted place saw Awoo being attacked by insects. The princesses did not hesitate to land and help their old friend. Lira tried to swat them off but got stung by the insects, Mira tried to use her sword but it was useless, Lira then used her powerful voice in an attempt to help Awoo, the diwani successfully sent the insects away, truly, she has mastered how to use and manipulate her singing voice thanks to Alena’s tutelage. Lira and Mira bid goodbye to Awoo. Mira was happy to see her cousin and best friend smile again, Awoo is Alena and Amihan’s favorite pashnea, and Lira admitted that everytime she sees Awoo, she remembers Amihan. To prevent Lira from mourning for her mother again, Mira immediately dropped the topic. Not long after, a strange looking creature appeared, Lira tried to talk to the creature but the latter hurt her, thus it was time for Mira to act quickly and defeated the beast. The test was a piece of cake for both girls. But there was one test left, a pile of stones suddenly moved and turned into a beast, Lira remembered Hitano’s story and recognized the monster, the Mancao from Balaak. The diwanis attempted to defeat the Mancao using Lira’s power, then Mira’s skill in combat alternately, both had no effect against the creature. Lira and Mira decided to combine their forces and successfully took down the Mancao. Then the monster transformed, it was Cassiopeia in disguise all along. Cassiopeia spoke in En-chan and congratulated the diwanis for passing her test. Lira is now fluent in En-chan and even spoke to Cassiopeia in that language, the diwanis thanked Cassiopeia and went back to Lireo.

Through Imaw’s cane the elders saw how Lira and Mira passed their test, Hara Danaya commended her nieces Mira, now addressed as diwani of Hathoria, and Lira of Lireo for their hard work. As proud parents, Queen Pirena and King Ybrahim granted their daughters new shields as reward. Hara Danaya prepared a feast to celebrate the diwanis’ accomplishments.

The return of Queen Avria

It was about time.

Through Ether’s blood Avria was brought back to life, the Queen of Old Etheria still haven’t regained her full strength yet but Ether assured that she will once her “task” with Cassiopeia is done. Meanwhile, Evades visited Cassiopeia and warned her about his dream, about how Cassiopeia turned into a terrifying image of Ether, taking this as a bad omen, Cassiopeia must be more cautious now that she’s close to becoming a goddess herself. Back in Lireo, a dama found Alena watching over the mother gem and informed her that the diwanis has returned, Alena immediately left to welcome her nieces back. What they didn’t notice was a cloaked Encantada successfully entered the room and is attempting to get the mother gem.

Raves:

💎 YES! To the upgraded looks of the cast! I looooove the sang’gres’ new royal garments, they look more mature now which is appropriate in this timeline since Lira and Mira are most probably in their early twenties and the sisters and Ybrahim are most likely in their late 30s to early 40s (they were very young when the diwanis were born remember?). Loving the long hair of Ybrahim and his gold and brown garment, he kind of reminds me of a Korean king but it suits him really well, so excited of what’s gonna happen in this new season, and Jake Vargas will be joining the team pala. Also looking forward for Deshna’s first appearance!

🕸 Guys! I still have no idea who’s going to play Avria, I was expecting that they will reveal her now but damn, even if I take a closer look at her I still couldn’t figure out who she is!

💜💗 Cheers to our diwanis! They are still adorbs even as young adults, although I still see some hints about Lira still longing for her mom, glad that her sense of humor is still there, or…is it her defense mechanism to cope up with the pain? Also I loooove that black and silver color palette of Lira’s new warrior costume, it looks much lighter and I feel like Mikee is able to move more freely compared to her original purple and gold costume. That aside, it’s also twinning with Ybrahim’s kalasag, although I do not like her cape because it looks kinda off to me with all these black and silver colors, I would prefer a black cape instead of a blue green (or whatever that color is, I’m not good at describing colors sorry!) or they could have just simply excluded it. And Mira’s costume seems to be more Hathorian now, very fiery and badass just like her, and the concept seemed to be taken from Pirena 2005’s costume. Cheers to Lira for that powerful voice and kame-hame wave, while Mira slays in combat! Great job diwanis!

💚 Do you guys think Alena is interested on becoming a goddess? I’m quite curious, or is she thinking that Amihan could possibly become a bathaluman?

Rant:

😳 Oooookaaaaaay! So here’s the thought that has been bugging me: Danaya will vow to never conceive a child to give way for Lira to become queen, and since Mira is more likely to succeed mommy Pirena as queen of Hathoria in the future (unless Deshna claims her birthright), the Sapirian council will become worried that there will be no heir to the Sapirian throne thus they will pressure Ybrahim to marry in order to sire an heir, Ybrahim will be forced to get married (most likely Alena) and ta-daaa! Unhappy marriage. That’s my assumption, I am glad that Alena is trying to stay away from Ybrahim because Rama isn’t interested with her anyway, and god forbid if the AB story will take this route I will really, really be pissed! First, it’s unfair for both Ybrahim and Alena, second, it’s downgrading for Alena’s character, come on! A lot has changed in this version so why not change Alena’s story into a more inspiring and realistic one instead of an overly melodramatic and not to mention too cheesy story, it’s not gonna work except for the die hard fans. But for the rest of the Enca community it will be very irritating af. Alena’s pain has been long overdue, she has gotten over Kahlil’s death, why can’t she get over Ybrahim to think that their story lacked depth, even Kahlil’s conception was more of an “accident” than fated, I can’t even consider Kahlil as the fruit of AleBarro’s love since both parents were passed out when the boy was conceived, anyhoo, I just hate how they are writing Alena’s story in general, she can give so much more, she is a good mentor to Lira, and a strong pillar of Lireo, why can’t the writers focus on that aspect instead of her taking the same old first love never dies pattern?

Best performers for this episode: Mikee Quintos ⚡️

Kate Valdez 💥

Rating: 9 out of 10💎s

Photo credits: From Twitter: @GMAEncantadia (Encantadia 2016-2017 official twitter acct) @gmanetwork (GMA network); official website: gmanetwork.com @GMADrama (GMA Drama)

From Facebook: Encantadia 2016

Video credits: GMA Network via YouTube & dailymotion

[diamondarmored-blog1]

this is whiny af. and very long. bit of an explanation of some stuff (aka why I am like this) and a wee request. 

warning, there’s a brief mention of sexual abuse and A LOT of historic drama. I’ve tried really hard not to appear in search tags for the relevant areas, so please try not to cause it to appear by mentioning the fandom or muse name without cutting it up (e.g. sei//fer) because as you’ll see, I don’t want these people near me. 

sit down and let uncle charlie tell you a horror story.

I’ve been slow again on here, I’M SORRY!! I was making an FFX blog. I know I’m getting a reputation for being a serial blog hopper, but the reason for that is, I’ve had two muses I really really loved and nothing else has ever come close. One was my Chuami, who naturally dropped in intensity as time went on (I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing - you can’t keep forcing a muse into ever more dramatic scenarios without giving them a break or they end up mutated and OP). The other was V//elka. Seifer is the closest I’ve come, but there’s still a void  :,(

V//elka did not die naturally. You may have seen me mention “the other fandom I was in” and how it’s a cesspit of bullying asscreases, sexual harassers, liars, stalkers, thieves and assorted other villains. But you have not heard the tale. What you’re about to read sounds like a lot for six or seven people, but this fandom is unique in that it’s 70% non-RPers. People who follow RP blogs and treat them like their personal entertainment. I’ve never seen another like it. So whoever is most popular with them has influence, because the hate anons and the nasty criticism is coming from outside the real RP community, and the senders will enforce whatever their faves say. The pressure to align with whatever is doing well with the viewers is extreme because the chances of being run off your blog if you don’t are far higher than usual. 

There was one other blog for V when I made mine. I asked her - the writer - if she’d be okay with another being around, even though I’m not obliged to ask permission to make a blog, and she completely ignored me. I thought maybe it was a weird thing to ask, and my other blog in that fandom was welcomed and pretty popular with the non-RPers. I was the only one of that character active. So I just went ahead and did it, thinking it would be no big. I was Wrong. Within not-very-long, the girl and her friends, who had huge followings of, shall we say, less mature users, to begin with as most of them didn’t really write - they drew on request, and you don’t need to have a reading age to appreciate free art - began to employ every trick, tactic and scheme they could to bully me into abandoning, including but not limited to: forcing new RPers to choose between them and me, stealing my content, freezing out anyone who was seen to interact with me (leading to newer users abandoning because no one would talk to them but me), stealing my friends’ muses(! yeah, the whole thing), copying my backstory and ships when ridiculing them didn’t work, incorporating my headcanons into their muses in the same way, copying my art (one of them was an art student and I am a very bad beginner - she would take my drawings and redo them with a higher level of skill and collect the praise for it), making PSAs about how I wasn’t entitled to be in the fandom and how nobody wants to thread with me so stop posting, sending spies to pretend to be my friend to trick me into insulting them so they could get caps, lying about me (one of them spread the rumour that I was some kind of sex obsessed pervert and you guys know how stupid an idea that is), and blaming me for their personal issues (e.g. a historically kind and well mannered user who had been absent for months made a callout post and @’d them all, explaining that he couldn’t come back because they had bullied him and made fun of his abusive history - this was somehow declared to be my fault, they said I put him up to the post because I was jealous of them (?), and they actually responded to him by saying “sorry your daddy touched you” and “sorry if you think its our fault you got abused but we don’t really care” and making public jokes about how they’d never be friends with someone as low as him, spamming the word “elitist” wherever they could... non-ironically). Eventually, even though me and my main ship partner had a shitload of non-RPer fans for the work we were doing and our partnership was very popular, neither of us could even log in anymore. Every time we spoke or moved, some stupid plan was enacted to make sure it backfired on us. We were replicated by members of that group, and our muses turned into pandering caricatures of what they originally were until we left. My muse was a real point of pride for me, she was the best example of a strong, confident female lead I had ever written, and she was made into a sex crazed goth domme by the very people who accused me of that and declared it abhorrent. My partner’s was turned from a complicated, fiercely proud, genderfluid(?) killer to a fragile little flower with a dick in a dress. It wasn’t just us, by the way. Every good writer who joined the fandom is gone; they started leaving not long after I arrived. I tracked some down and asked why, and they all told the same story. One of them told me the process is cyclical and now that I’m gone, they’ll choose someone else in my place. Meanwhile - here’s the kicker - the group responsible don’t even fucking write. The only time they do is when they’re using it as a weapon against somebody, by stealing their plot or their ship and acting it out themselves. Now that the writers have embarked on a mass exodus and none have come to replace them, all they do is shitpost because there’s no one left to target. The stolen muses’ blogs are dead. As if this didn’t sound like a problem enough, three of them have a penchant for little girls.

Where are you going with this, Charlie? Well, chums, it goes a little way to explaining my aversion to smut (one of their number was a self-proclaimed “sex negative feminist” who told me I was a shit RPer because all I ever did was smut and talked about me like I was a prostitute - at the time, I had written NONE, and she had five sideblogs she only made for ships with her friends... she had some serious internalised issues around that, she seemed to deny the existence of her own hypocrisy). It explains why I bang on about welcoming other Seifers so much, why I’m so strict on drama now, and why I’ll bite the head off of anyone who claims to be the sole granter of permission to make a certain muse. It will go some way to explaining why I hardblock anyone who looks like they might cause me similar melodramatic problems at any point in the future, no discussion, no exceptions. I am extremely wary of people with rules full of red flags, and people who make a lot of unprompted ~everybody love your duplicates~ posts, because they’re never truly unprompted. They’re usually an attempt to get in first, so the one who didn’t post it looks automatically less friendly. I didn’t handle it well at the time, I didn’t want to make things worse so I allowed myself to get steamrollered, and the more they got away with, the more they pushed it. The final straw was poor C and that callout post, but it came at about the same time my ship partner’s muse was copied onto one of their sideblogs, so the end was near anyway. If it happened again now, I’d waste no time in telling them to shove it up their festering assholes. ANYWAY I’m telling you all this because my search for a replacement muse has gone cold, and that’s left me feeling a bit dead and uninspired, which leads me to keep losing my flow with Seifer as well. I logged into her blog earlier with the idea of reclaiming her somehow. It felt like cleaning a house someone died in. I changed her url, wiped away all the content that was bothering me and I blocked about 200 people - fucking everyone from that fandom who was following me. I might change her theme too, I’m not sure. I’ve added a request-only line to her original verse to deter anyone who joins that fandom in the future (that’s how badly I need to keep away). I’ll need to replace all her tags to keep them from digging me up again. So here’s where the request comes in. I’ve sketched in some FFX and FFVIII verses. I would like to try to bring her out of there and closer to here. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve never explained why. Can I count on the support of any of my friends and neighbours here? I feel like she’s locked in a room full of dangerous weirdos and I can’t get to her unless I can totally extract her. I could really use some help in pulling her out and creating a new space for her. You don’t need to commit to anything, just treat her like any other OC. If it fails and she dies off, at least I’ll have tried. If I succeed in clawing back some of my focus, the blog hopping will stop. If anyone feels like doing me a solid, that’d be great. To be honest, the experience tainted RP as a whole for me, sapped my motivation and confidence, and I’ve never been as into it since.

[theladysmith]

Elevation

It’s been such a long while. I’m going to fight the urge to do that thing where I lament about how much time has passed and all the ways I suck for not posting more often…

Anyway, hi. It’s good to be back - and I mean that in a few ways. We recently got back from an amazing 5 day trip to Colorado Springs, that equal parts vacation and hard work. Well, if you’re Mike, it was more hard work than anything, but I got to unwind a little and immerse myself in mind-blowing scenery before immersing myself in the deep end of learning about my craft. More on that later.

I haven’t really been to the mountains before. I grew up near “hills” and have skied “ranges” and toured “highlands” and lived near “escarpments”, but I’ve never really experienced that #mountainlife. Colorado has been on my bucket list since I was a little kid, mostly because the name itself sounds like an adventure epic. Thanks to Mike’s hard work, we suddenly had an opportunity, and I couldn’t wait to see somewhere new. Like, totally, never-seen-it-before new. The majority of the past 6 months have been flat af. My eyes were actually hungry for it.

We flew with friends to Denver, rented a car and drove south to Colorado Springs, a smaller, chill little city just over an hour south, and way closer to the mountains. They grew increasingly more impressive with every mile we drove - a car full of creatives and we started to run out of expletives to describe what we were seeing. Half an hour into the road trip, I feigned wanting a quick break at a look-out point so that we could take some photos, but if I’m being honest, I needed some fresh air to calm the sensory overwhelm that was swamping my sleep-deprived brain. There was too much to take in; too many colours, too many beautiful subtleties, too much dramatic contrast, too many extraordinary qualities of light, too much texture and pattern and rhythm. Too much. And not quite enough oxygen for my little low-lander lungs, as I felt the overwhelm of the scenery highlight the fact that I was feeling actually breathless. In those 2 hours, I realized that all I could do is just greedily open myself up to this shameless consumption of beauty, open my eyes to every damn detail and trust that my brain wouldn’t short out, open my lungs as wide as I could (given my usual shallow breathing habit) and trust that my lung capacity/comfort would improve, and if I could just do that, this trip might just be the thing to blow the front door open on the past 6 months.

At the risk of sounding like I’m backtracking on my promise of not lamenting on all the time that has passed, the past 4 months (well, year, really…) have been a thing. I’m going to assume that if you are reading my blog you might have some interest in the environment that feeds the life that feeds my process as an artist, so I’ll be brief in catching you up here. Letting go in CO was really hard, because the past 6 months have been all about holding on for dear life. Our financial situation hasn’t been exactly “fluid”, I’ve been working longer hours than I’d like, I’ve been in more constant pain than I’d like, there’s been an unending shitshow of chasing clients to pay their invoices, big changes rolled through Mike’s work life, there has been so much work to do all the time, and a long-ass, very cold winter to contend with (although we did a pretty good job getting out into it as much as we could.) And then there’s the neighbour sitch. For 10 months we have been living next to an ever-changing cast of loud, violent characters who have kept us awake all hours of the night, whose constant high-level noise have stressed my cats out to the point of visibly changing their behaviours and personalities, and whose explosive anger has woven a sharp thread of uneasiness into the fabric of our home life. Hell is other people*. Shitty neighbours are the worst.

Anyhow, onwards. The neighbours are finally gone (evicted; like I said, they were terrible), the shitshow has been reduced to chasing just one client (goddamn it Kennedy Ford, pay me…) and while it won’t immediately improve my financial situation, I’m dropping back to working 3 days a week at the shop instead of 4, which will probably help reduce my retail fatigue* (and possibly the extensor tendonitis in my feet) and allow me more time to work on my freelance business and to get into the studio to prepare to for the upcoming show season.

It will also give me more time to hang out here. I’ve been aiming to “complete” my website for some time, but the longer I work on it, the more I realize that completing what is supposed to be a running log of my creative life is impossible. I’ve put it off for almost 4 months, citing all of the above as reasons why I couldn’t get it done. So I’m “launching” it this way - incomplete - on the 3rd anniversary of my cancer surgery, feeling a bit silly and sentimental that this little project that I’ve been planning, working through and dreaming about for probably a decade is finally aloft. I’m proud to say that this site is me, as far as representing myself digitally, and it will stand as my sounding board and experiential diary of my creative life. I intend to write more about how I’ve gotten to be 43 yrs old as a semi-fuctioning artist/human, about how Mike and I navigate running our businesses together, and my on-going observations and frustrations with this life I am living. I am not pretending that I know even 1% of it all, but I’m 43 and I’ve lived some shit and I’m still making art, now more than ever. That is my motivation for this website, at its more basic. That, and publishing my work. Oh, and selling stuff

Aaaaaanyway… So, when we were in Colorado, I had the great fortune (and fun) of studying with Bonnie Nelson and Jerry Ruhland of Cottonwood Silversmithing and Lapidary Supply in downtown Colorado Springs. I spent about 6 hours a day on Saturday and Sunday, learning the ropes of casting a wire ingot, drawing it out to beautiful bezel wire with the rolling mill (which really put me through the ropes of learning how to fully use my recently acquired rolling mill!) I worked on a pendant using a eudialyte cabochon and 5 tiny faceted sapphires haloed above, that Jerry spent most of Sunday showing me how to flush set. Bonnie taught me about fold forming while we put some copper through its paces, and Jerry taught me some fabrication and hammering techniques that completely changed how I understand metal. As instructors they were excellent; friendly and open and eager to let me work at my pace in my own direction. I loved working in another artist’s studio, and getting a feel for their ergonomics and workflow. I loved it so much that as soon as I came home to my studio, I knew it totally had to change. It had to change because I had.

I think the thing that really stuck with me the most from studying with them was of how capable they held me. Both instructors gave me lots of positive feedback on my technique and approach, which made me feel skilled, relaxed and resourceful. I rarely feel this way in my studio. So much of my inner dialog is low-level imposter mutter when I am working - I am generally convinced that I am doing everything wrong (sometimes that is backed up by project fails) and that everyone will be able to tell that I am teaching myself as I go along, that I obviously haven’t gone to school for this, and that because I haven’t been able to connect with any sort of supportive metalsmithing or jewellery artist community here I must be unqualified, unlikeable, or an outsider. I know it sounds melodramatic, but this is how my brain works.

The kind of practical, targeted instruction and positive, friendly feedback that I received in Colorado, coupled with the intense atmospheric beauty really made me soar. I had renewed confidence when I got home, full to overflowing with ideas and audacity and with a newly expanded skill set. I couldn’t get into the studio fast enough to tear it all down and rebuild it into something more supportive, something evolved. After spending a few days creeping Kijiji for a suitable desk, a perfect one showed up in the garbage area behind our building, and Mike heroically got it up 2 flights of stairs, through the confusion-corner that is the hallway to the studio, and assembled for me as a surprise when I came home from work. I bought some casting equipment so that I could start reclaiming some of my sterling scrap to make new work. I got to know my new big torch better and experimented with drawing bezel wire on my own mill. And through all these experiments, this whirlwind, this chaos, some strong new work has been made and there is more underway.

I admit that sometimes I’m not very good at remembering that there are edges to the storm when I’m stuck in the middle of it. It’s been a long, flat low period, the last few months, but just as flat plains feed a gathering storm front, they are also instrumental in pushing the storm through. The last decade of doubt and timidity about publishing myself and my work, the last 10 months of hellish neighbours, the last 6 months of crap luck and kicks when we’re down…all flattened, blown away, as if by wind whipping down the mountains. With this new confidence, this new certainty, it’s easier for me to see each day as fresh and new now, even if it isn’t, really.

I’m eager now to just work at what I’m here to do. I’m glad to be able to share my perspective and my work here, and I’m absolutely thankful for any and all support be it reading my words, engaging with me here or on IG or irl, or purchasing my work to embellish your life in some way. The storm has passed, clear skies ahead. Thank you for holding fast.

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

[jimdsmith34]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

source http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any.html

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171944066947