#because i was gonna test it out. but i couldn't figure out the connections and i felt so stupid

[dragonbleps]

My mom: You should get a computer/IT job. You know computers really well

Me with cables:

I don't actually know computers all that well, she just doesn't know them at all lkjhsjfdhg

[teenandbeyond]

I've noticed your predator/alien franchise doesn't have anything for xenomorph. Let's change that lol. Could I get something that has a similar storyline like the one that says dark reader on it the one where the reader is obsessed with aliens.. It's made me curious tbh

Xenomorph x Dark. Reader

Mx. Anonymous, you read my mind! I was wondering when someone would request this! And you don't need to apologize, since it's fanfiction, we're just gonna say eff reality for a moment (even though the whole thing is fictional...but you get it).

Want more from me, my Infinites (I'm trying out a follower name thing lol. I'll probably shuffle through random ass names until one works)? 𝙈𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

👽Discoveries👽 (Aliens)

Warning(s): Dark Fic (dunno if it came out as dark as I wanted), Non-con details, unprotected, triggering(?), size difference, I don't know where I went with this (this is what happens when I write parts at different times, I guess)

Sometimes experimentation leads to temptation...

✨✨✨✨✨✨

"You're crazy, [Last Name]!"

You tapped the end of your pen against your lip in thought before smiling, "Maybe, but crazy gets better results than normal. Ask any of the greatest geniuses, they'll tell you."

You were labeled as the crazy scientist because you suggested cross breeding. Between Xenomorph—or Aliens, the term used for common folk—and humans.

'It's impossible!'

'It's wrong! Don't you have any morals?' they cried.

'You want to talk to me about morals? Ha! Who are the ones who take creatures as they please and experiment to their heart's content, past what's necessary, simply for nosiness and fear of not knowing everything?'

You always shut them up any time they felt a need to comment on you.

"Sometimes the most impossible things can be made possible," you muttered as you scribbled something in your many notebooks dedicated to this theory.

You could admit you were pretty obsessed with Xenomorphs, you found them fascinating. You studied them with a passion.

You wanted one...and the opportunity came when a group of scientists arrived with a captured Xenomorph.

They were studying it to come up with a defense against them, you, among a few other scientists decided to spectate.

And all hell broke loose.

Turns out, someone from the group had gotten infected. You had to figure that out when a man's stomach burst open.

There was panic as the other scientists fell victim, until the newest creature was contained.

The two aliens were to be stored away since the team leading the experiment was now dead, until someone else decided to take it over.

That was your opening.

You took the fully grown one to your private lab, where everything was already set up.

The huge cylinder it was in was a little heavy, but you made it work. You pushed a button that would release an anesthetic-type liquid into the fluid the creature was summered in.

Once it was confirmed to be unconscious, you released it and properly restrained it, tail and all. You loved risks, but not when the result could stop your experimenting from proceeding...you can't test things if you're dead.

"Now...let's get your vitals connected to my database..." you tapped away at your screen until the patches and machinery you'd connected to it did their job, "There you are...and you are a very healthy Xenomorph."

You went through a few experiments of merging DNA samples, but something was missing. You couldn't figure out what it was.

You were disturbed from your deep thoughts by a pathetic escape attempt behind you.

"Oh, you're awake. I should introduce myself," you approached the alien carefully, "I'm your caretaker. And you're all mine for the time being."

It continued to struggle, hissing at you as you calmly took off your lab coat and put on gloves.

"Now, for a physical examination..."

Your hand slowly trailed down the alien's head and jaw, raising a brow as its struggle turned hesitant.

You heard a rumbling sound from its throat, the mouth covering muffling it.

"So...you aren't completely adverse to touch, hm?"

Then you explored its shoulders and arms, you trailed lower to its sides.

"Everything seems to be in order so far...You really are a beautiful specimen..." you sighed in fascination.

You were mesmerized and edging towards getting aroused.

And the alien could smell it, it was reacting.

Visibly reacting.

You smirked, "Oh...well, look at that. I've made the discovery of a lifetime."

So much research had been done, but never have sexual organs been found on an alien. But you supposed it wasn't common for someone to show arousal in their presence.

"Standing at attention just for me...What should I do with you?"

You were absolutely breathless.

But who could blame you, you were stretched to your limits. And there were still quite a few inches of it that didn't fit inside.

There was some defiance at the beginning, but this alien would just be the next being to know you always got what you wanted in the end.

And the hotter you got and the louder you got, ashamed defiance turned into lustful acceptance.

You balanced on your hands best you could, your feet also supporting you, but they were beginning to become less reliant the more they curled.

Its skin felt cool and smooth, a stark contrast to your heat and muscle. It made you shiver in the best ways as you slowly slid up and down.

"I think I might—keep you."

You were becoming more obsessed by the minute, perhaps your rationality was being manipulated by the smell of sex and sweat.

Or maybe because the alien tried and failed to keep itself quiet, sensitive to your every move.

A cute little virgin it was.

All yours to use as you've wanted. You could possibly get a sample once you were done, see if it gave different results.

Everything was in your control, until it wasn't.

The alien decided it'd had enough of your slow pace.

It thrusted up in quick strokes, making your body move so quickly it looked like it was shaking.

With a groan, your nails dug into its arms, then you gasp as it breaks out of its restraints.

For a moment, you think it'll attack, and it does.

It flips you under and bullies itself back into you, forcing in every inch.

A brutal attack that leaves you trying to catch your breath.

With a growl behind its mask, it pummels into you.

With fascination, you feel the bulge it creates and swear you can see it, but you're a little disoriented right now.

Your vision flashes from the pleasure and pain, your body is tingling.

"You—You're my discovery to keep," you grin.

[mackjlee9]

May I request some Bratty!Gavis Bettel x Reader smut? The details are up to you but I feel like he would enjoy rilling up the reader during a meeting or something at the guild before meeting up with them behind closed doors if that's comfy with you

*intense fantasizing*

Okay, so I might've... Given this too much plot ehe 😅 I still hope you enjoy this!!

(I kept imagining taller!reader during this whole thing so it was hard to keep it neutral lol)

Gavis Bettel x Top!Male!Reader [Fluff&Smut]

Warning; thigh fucking, brat taming, dacryphilia, overstimulation.

Masterlist.

VTuber Holostars EN/Tempus Vanguard

This sight was an usual thing. Everyone in Guild Tempus had become accustomed to seeing the lively jester, Bettel, dragging around a male everywhere he went, even going as far as having him during their guild meetings, which has led to them getting to know this mysterious (h/c) haired male.

They had a soft spot for him, especially because he had to put up with Bettel twenty-four hours of the day, taking care of him and putting up with his antics and mischief. This kind, quiet, lovely man was called (M/n), and he didn't really mind being dragged around as much as he used to, why? Well, the answer is simple.

He was in love.

(M/n) didn't care how much he got dragged and pushed around by the jester, he was still happy being by his side. And Bettel grew attached to (M/n) as well, mainly because he was the only one that would always sincerely laugh at his jokes and would help him improve his comedic skills.

And with time, they had become so used to each other that feelings inevitably started blooming, slowly but surely, Bettel had found himself awake at night, trying to figure out why his heart was restlessly pounding inside his chest, and why he felt goosebumps whenever the image of (M/n)'s gentle smile flashed across his mind.

At first, he thought of ignoring these things occurring to him, maybe he was getting sick or something, and eventually, it'll go away, that was his thought process, but it became a hassle soon enough. He couldn't focus on anything other than (M/n), he was the only thing on his mind, which made him mad so, like the airhead he is, Bettel decided to confront the person causing this behavior in him, (M/n) himself.

A few days prior he had been testing out his reactions and feelings to the other guild members, but no one caused such a reaction in him as (M/n) did, so he must've been messing with him, (M/n) was doing something to him, wasn't he?!

His heels clicked on the tile floor, echoing off the empty halls as he made his way where he assumed (M/n) would be. He was walking out of his room, quietly minding his own business when he got pushed back into his room by an external force pressing against his chest.

As soon as recovered from that, he realized that the external force was Bettel, who had now closed his door and locked it, turning to look at him with a frown and pretty blush on his pale skin. He seemed mad but also flustered which made (M/n) wonder what had happened to make him behave like this all of a sudden.

"You good, Betsy?" The sound of his voice made shivers run down Bettel's spine, which made his mad exterior waver slightly, but he was gonna go through with this and find out what (M/n) had done to him.

"Tell me," he started saying, looking straight into (M/n)'s eyes, "Tell me what you did to me, right now," slowly blinking as the words connected in his brain, (M/n) stared at Bettel confused, frowning slightly as he tried to understand what he meant by that.

"Tell you...?" He mumbled slowly, racking his brain to find something that could maybe make him give Bettel the answer he was looking for, but nothing came to mind.

"Yes! Tell me what you did, right now!" And that only made (M/n) even more confused, was he supposed to know what he did? He hadn't done anything as far as he could remember.

"What did I do, exactly?" Bettel couldn't take it, to him (M/n) was mocking him when in reality he was getting concerned about him. His face turned redder with anger and he just yelled everything.

"You make me feel nervous, and giddy all the time! I can't stop thinking about you and how much I wanna be with you all day every day!" (M/n)'s eyes opened wide at the words he was hearing, feeling goosebumps cover his skin as he felt his heart flutter and his stomach tingling, "You're a fucking sorcerer you can easily do something like this! Now fix it!"

Before getting too ahead of himself, (M/n) took a deep breath and took a step closer to Bettel, who was still frowning at him.

"So, you're telling me that I've caused this?" Bettel groaned and nodded, trying to maintain his angry expression at having (M/n) in such close proximity, "Does this happen with anyone else?"

"No, it doesn't, why does that matter?" (M/n) took a deep breath and gulped, taking another step closer and forcing Bettel to back himself to the locked door, his frown disappeared from his face, looking at (M/n) with wide eyes, a nervous look in them

"What are you feeling right now, Bettel?" Flustered and nervous, Bettel looked away for a moment, but (M/n)'s hand gently held his chin, making him look into his eyes, which were seemingly looking into the deepest part of his soul.

"I'm... My heart is beating really fast, and... I feel very hot right now," (M/n) nodded at his answer, but he needed something more than just that.

"Anything else?" Having Bettel now pinned to the door, he observed up close how the red of face became flustered blush instead of anger, his mismatched eyes looking into his (e/c) ones, shining bright under the ceiling light.

"I want to..." He trailed on, his sight lowering to look at (M/n)'s lips for a few seconds, unconsciously licking his lips too.

Getting bolder, (M/n) leaned closer to Bettel's face, their breathing mixing as they were unable to tear their eyes away from each other's lips.

"You want to kiss me, don't you?" Gulping, Bettel nodded in complete silence, his gloved hands reaching to hold onto a piece of (M/n)'s clothing.

"Please... Kiss me," (M/n) felt Bettel's grip on his clothes getting tighter as he pulled him closer, and he just couldn't resist the dreamy look in Bettel's bright eyes.

Holding Bettel's face in his hands, (M/n) leaned closer as he felt the jester trembling under his hold, the warmth of his face against his palms, his glossy lips opening slightly as he inched closer and closer.

Shivers ran down their body the instant their lips graced, unable to contain themselves any longer they held each other's bodies tightly, releasing quiet moans and groans as they melted in their kiss. But it was short-lived due to the lack of air, so they pulled away and gasped for air for a few seconds, staring into each other's eyes.

Bettel looked at (M/n) with embarrassment, and he was about to gently push him away from him so he could leave, but the (h/c) haired male wasn't gonna let him go so quickly.

Wrapping his arms around Bettel's waist, he held the man and kissed him again, lifting his smaller body up, and pressing him against the door. Whimpers and whines left past Bettel's lips, only to be muffled against (M/n)'s, his arms wrapped around (M/n)'s neck, his gloved fingers playing with his hair, pulling on it when he felt how (M/n) pressed their hips together, letting him know that he was feeling just like he was.

A little bit... Happy.

So they had to do something about it, didn't they?

//////

It was a normal day at the Guild Hall, just like any other...

Well, if it wasn't because of how uneasy and squirmy (M/n) was. Of course, no one knew that it was because Bettel has been behaving like a brat all day, and now during the guild meeting he was doing the same thing.

This time (M/n) wondered why Bettel sat in front of him instead of next to him like he usually did, now he knows why. It started subtle, so subtle that (M/n) thought it was by accident, but the longer it passed it became more obvious that it was on purpose.

Bettel had placed his foot between (M/n)'s thighs, slowly applying pressure on his dick, gracing the heel of his shoe against it and he could barely hold himself back from just putting Bettel in his place after behaving like a brat all day.

He had gone quiet as he imagined how he was gonna make Bettel cry and beg for forgiveness later in his room, when he felt someone touching his shoulder. He jumped in place and turned to look at who it was.

Axel was looking at (M/n) expectantly in silence, as if he was waiting for him to say something back. He blinked cleared his throat and shifted around on his chair as he felt Bettel momentarily stop his teasing.

"You okay, dude? I've been calling you for a while now," (M/n) tried to smile at the blond, but it felt too forced so he decided to drop it.

"Y-yeah, I just... I haven't been sleeping well lately," he replied as vaguely as usual, he didn't want to make others worry or find out what was actually happening to him.

And it worked, 'cause Axel just chuckled and patted his back maybe a little too hard as he told him something along the lines of 'taking care of himself' which he half-heartedly agreed to.

The rest of the meet went slower than ever, with his jaw clenched (M/n) tried his hardest to contain himself, whether by snapping at Bettel and fucking him right then, or to prevent any kind of noise to leave past his lips, that wouldn't be good so he was really, really trying his best.

But thankfully, the moment the meeting ended, he fixed his clothes and stood up, rushing to hold Bettel's wrists and dragging him out of the meeting room, the jester was release mischievous chuckles as he was dragged by the (h/c) haired male, waving farewell to his guildmates on their way out.

As if in the blink of an eye, (M/n) reached his room, he opened the door and dragged Bettel inside, kicking the door closed with his foot and cornering Bettel to the bed, pinning him down to it.

"Oh? You're quite eager, aren't ya?" Bettel had a cheeky grin plastered on his face, making (M/n) frown, but without uttering a single word, he leaned down and kissed him. His hands roamed everywhere on Bettel's body, holding tightly onto his waist as he grinded their hips together.

Bettel moaned as his back arched off the bed, his hands holding onto the collar of (M/n)'s clothes, occasional giggles leaving him at (M/n)'s eagerness.

He observed how (M/n) backed away for a little bit, undoing the belt that was holding his pants up. Bettel bit his bottom lip and tried to spread his legs open, but (M/n) had another plan, he held his legs together, separated enough to put his twitching dick between his thighs, exposing more of his pale skin as he moved the short's fabric up more.

(M/n) knew that just doing this wasn't gonna be nearly enough for both of them, but he wanted to rile Bettel up, just like he had done all day, and this was the best way he could think up at the moment while also getting off himself.

Groaning at the smooth feeling of Bettel's thighs, (M/n) gripped his hips tightly, probably leaving marks that would become visible a few hours later. He wasn't paying attention to Bettel's reactions or noises, he just wanted to cum, he had been pent up all day thanks to his adorable yet bratty boyfriend.

Gritting his teeth, (M/n) held in his moans as his dick throbbed, hot cum dripping onto Bettel's shorts, staining them white. He took a few deep breaths and fixed his underwear, standing up from the bed, about to fix his pants to leave.

"You better not-" his eyes landed on Bettel, whose body was trembling, a wet stain on his shorts where you could see the cum seeping through it, his breath was ragged and loud, and there was some drool dripping down the corner of his mouth and he was covering his eyes with his forearm, "Betsy?" He called him with a gentle voice.

Maybe he should've handled the situation better, maybe...

Bettel lowered his arm slightly, now covering his mouth. His mismatched eyes were filled with tears and some of them had managed to fall and wet his blushing face.

"Ar-are you... W-why are you l-leaving~?" He whimpered while trying to sit up, more tears running down his red cheeks, "D-don't leave, please~ I'll be good!"

(M/n) watched how Bettel moved around on the bed until he was kneeling, his thighs trembling a bit as he did, his hands holding onto the hem of (M/n)'s shirt.

"Will you, now?" Bettel nodded frantically, trying to pull (M/n) closer to him, nuzzling against his stomach.

"I will, I promise," slowly looking up, Bettel released a quiet whine, "I want you to fuck me, (M/n)."

Well, how could he resist such a cute face and such a pretty voice?

++++

It's been so long since I've written something lol but hopefully this turned out good enough hehe

[reasonsmandy]

Would it be crazy if I said I want you to?

Warren Rojas x Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by anon — hii! i hope you’re doing well! can you write a warren x reader fic where the reader’s father is a well known producer and warren sees her at the studio while she’s waiting for her dad, but they don’t hit it off immediately but he’s def intrigued by her? i’m sorry if it’s too complicated, i’m just super excited for more warren content 😊

✧.* summary — There was an invisible bond between you and Warren, a connection you never knew how to explain. Until that night at your house.

✧.* warnings — none.

✧.* word count — 4.4k

✧.* 🥁 — Warren's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — Look who's back! Hey my loves, how are y'all doing?

Today was the first day you would be working with your father's company at the record label. You were still reluctant about your new decision, but at the same time excited to see what all this would lead to. You drummed your fingers against your thighs as you nervously waited for your father to appear where you waited, one hour or another turning his neck to watch what was happening in the corridors and in the recording rooms.

“Karen said that Debby was working today.”

You can hear a distant voice in the hallway making you lift your magazine view in your hands. It didn't take you long to recognize Warren Rojas and Eddie Roundtree, your dad couldn't stop talking about how their band's music revolutionized the industry once it was released.

Curious, you watch them while they don't see you there, you notice that you feel attracted to him when he watches you through narrowed eyes, but you try to push that thought away. Both stared at you shamelessly, you get embarrassed and look back at the magazine, thinking about how much longer your father would take to finish.

“No man, looks like she didn't come and it was another excuse for her to get us out of there.” Eddie says in a chuckle, lighting up a cigarette for himself.

Rojas rolls his eyes, leaning on the counter nearby his presence makes an impact on you but you choose to remain quiet and not draw attention to yourself. But as they kept talking, time passed, and you got later for your appointment, so you had no option but to get out of your bubble and talk to them.

“Hey, I'm sorry to bother you but do you know when Teddy is gonna finish his session today?”

Warren looks at you with arched eyebrows, he then licks his lips still staring at you and shrugs, you get embarrassed looking elsewhere. Your attention is drawn to the hallway where Teddy walks over to where you were standing with his arms open to you.

“My nightingale, how long have you been waiting?” He hugs you tight and you test your head in his chest.

“A few minutes.” You say as you break free of his embrace, smiling small.

“Warren, Eddie this is Y/N... My daughter.” He explains and you wave to the two, you didn't know why but you were shy around the drummer. “She's here because she's going to help me record some backing vocals for another band, so we're going to have lunch and we'll be right back.”

Rojas takes a step forward, extending one of his hands to you and collects yours in his, kissing your hand. You get butterflies in your stomach at the act, feeling a tickle when his mustache brushes against your skin, you weren't looking at your father at the time but you had an idea that his expression was as surprised as yours.

“Warren Rojas.” He introduces himself, you crack a small smile. “Nice to meet you, nightingale.”

He uses the nickname your father calls you since you were little, “Careful Rojas, pay attention to what you are going to do.”

Your father mocks the situation, with a bit of truth in his tone, the drummer raises his hands in redemption, letting Eddie greet you this time. You knew a lot about them despite never having interacted with them, and this cloud of questions and questions that surrounded the figure of the drummer intrigued you.

Little did you know that was a growing feeling for the drummer as well, he just refused to admit it. Since you guys met you were a constant thought in his mind, he would always walk into the Studio for a day's work wondering if you would be there, if he was going to have a little more time with you, even though you never exchanged more than a "hi" and a "bye".

Already you could not deny that a part of you felt a failure in your heartbeat when you heard his name or saw him at a glance, you didn't know why, but his presence and the mystery that surrounded you two was what kept you moving when you heard his laugh.

But there was a problem, he seemed to make a point of keeping you on the tightrope of intense stares, and the explosion that erupted in your bodies when accidental touches happened.You were frustrated with the distance he seemed to want to keep between you, but you made sure not to let it show, and you decided to play your own game in the middle of his.

You insisted on leaving your mark in places, always leaving him a little gift. You always loved to cook, your father said that you sweetened their lives since you learned your first recipe. So, you always left a different food on the drums for him, a muffin, a cookie, sometimes something salty like bread rolls, it was fun to see his reaction, but you knew deep down that you would like it to be more intimate, real.

…

As you pretended to pay attention to what your father was talking about, your eyes were still fixed on Rojas. You notice he seems curious about you too so you let yourself play this game, you were sitting behind glass while they recorded the drums for 'More Fun To Miss' his gaze was intense on yours and you wondered how long this would go on? How long was he going to pretend he wasn't interested in you? Pretending you were just a stimulus that his cognitive system doesn't assimilate out of disinterest.

As this grew between you, the discomfort of having him there but never close grew and turned into a small anger. It's been a week since you left him anything, on the first day you noticed that he searched all over his drum set for something you left there and when he noticed there wasn't anything he pretended to be looking for something else, on the other days he just glanced at it and when he didn't find it, he went back to what he was doing before.

But today something was different, ever since he came in to record you couldn't take your eyes off each other, you knew something peculiar was going on as Warren always liked to feel the music, breaking away from reality every time his sticks hit the drums. But today he was serious, every now and then chuckling, his eyes glued to yours. You were curious to understand what was going on, but how would you go to him if this wasn't the kind of relationship you had.

You raise your hand in a thumbs up, indicating that he had done well and the job was done, your dad walks over to the soundboard and presses a button to communicate with him “Good job Rojas, can you come here for a minute?”

The drummer nods towards where you are, and despite the room being reasonably spacious, the walls seem to swallow you when he enters. He looks at you for seconds that seem to last forever, you take a deep breath and cross your legs, trying to appear indifferent to his presence. He winks at you and takes your gaze to your father for the first time, you feel empty when your gaze doesn't meet his.

“I'm having a party tonight, I'm counting on your presence, I don't take no for an answer.” He lays his body down on the chair, drawing in smoke from his cigarette. “Nightingale, write my address for him on a piece of paper.”

You do as you are asked but not before writing him a note “you better go, you know how good my food is.”

You hold the paper out to him, the drummer's callused fingers touch your fingers like an electric current through your body. With your nail you hit the part of the paper you had written on, and as the earth did its rotation things go back to their place when you wink at him and leave.

…

You helped with what was needed in the decoration, but your focus was on the foods that would be served tonight. It wasn't a special occasion, from what your father told you, he just wanted a moment of leisure after so much work, wanted to fraternize with everyone in an environment outside of work.

Each mixing, each dough making, each baking, gradually increased his thoughts of the drummer. You couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to be in another type of environment next to him, little by little you started to think that it was crazy. How can you care for someone who you have exchanged a few words with?

Warren drove the van towards Price's house, it was impressive that even with the band's explosion he refused to sell that old vehicle that contained many stories.

“Answer me, do you think she's flirting with me or not?” Rojas asks, turning to face Roundtree now that they stopped at the red light.

“I don't know man, I've never seen you guys interacting before.” Eddie shrugs, looking outside the window. “Like, never.”

“We have a thing, okay?” He rolls his eyes, trying to seem chill although he was nervous to finally have this interaction with you. “I just, I'm nervous alright? Somehow she does this to me.”

“Okay, let me get this straight... You guys have something and she used to leave food for you as a surprise every day.” Warren nods, his eyes now fixed on the road. Eddie frowns, still confused, lighting up a cigarette “And how have I never seen this before?”

“Aaaa, that's why you're leaving early everyday!” He finally seems to put the pieces together. “You little liar, you said you were fixing the van.”

“And you believed it?” Karen speaks laughing, cigarette smoke comes out of her mouth, “This van it's still falling apart.”

“Hey! Careful.” Warren talks, caressing the steering wheel, his eyes narrowed.

“I'm not lying!” She shrugs, laying in Graham's chest, noticing his sleeping figure.

He stops the vehicle suddenly, making inertia take them forward, everyone looks at him in questioning.

“Take that back.” He turns to look the blonde in the face, who laughs rolling her eyes.

“Warren, we're going to be late.” Roundtree mutters in complaint.

“The van refuses to call if she doesn't take back what she said." Falsely, Rojas regrets. “We are all waiting for you Karen Karen.”

“If you want to stall because you're scared of meeting your mystery girl and you want to blame it on me. It's not gonna happen.”

The drummer raises his hand to his chest in mock offense, then crosses his arms waiting for the keyboardist to apologize.

“I'm sorry.” She says through a sigh. “Can we go now?”

“See? It didn't hurt to admit you were wrong.” He starts the van again, watching the signs to see if they're on the right track.

Finally arriving at the party, the familiar faces of friends and acquaintances greeted them. Laughter echoed, and the atmosphere was warm with a mixture of excitement and relaxation.

As they entered, Warren's eyes searched the room, spotting you amidst the crowd. A thrill shot through him as he caught your eye, and he raised his hand in a casual wave. Your lips curved into a smile, your eyes locking for a fleeting moment before he moved further into the room. He thought about going to you, but decided to wait a little.

Karen was quick to join a group of friends, regaling them with animated stories. Eddie made his way to the refreshments table, where a lively conversation about music gear was in full swing. Graham, who had woken up during the drive, joined Karen by putting his arm around her neck.

Warren's gaze was irresistibly drawn back to you, the way you interacted with others, your laughter, and your captivating presence. He couldn't shake the feeling that this party was more significant than just an ordinary get-together. He was sure that something was calling for you two.

He is surprised by Daisy's presence by his side, she rests one of her hands on his shoulder the other holding a bottle of wine, she takes it to her mouth giving a long drink. “Are you interested in the boss's daughter? This is new.”

He rolled his eyes, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “It's not that new, y'all just never noticed.”

She turns her face to him, taking a sip of her wine again. “You guys literally never talked.”

Warren shot him a mock glare. “And how do you know? You're always out with Billy.”

She clicks her tongue, smiling small. “Touché” she offers him the bottle, he denies it. “She's a nice girl, go for it.”

Amidst the playful banter, your father's voice rang out, capturing everyone's attention as he clinked his glass with a spoon. “I'd like to thank you all for coming, my lovely daughter made us our dinner, so give it up for her.” You shake your head with a dull smile, but I was already afraid that he would draw this attention to you, people applaud in gratitude. “Make yourselves at home, just not too much.”

Glasses were raised, and a chorus of cheers and clinking filled the room. You watched your father with a mixture of pride and affection, his words resonating deeply with you.

Warren's eyes found you again, and this time, he decided it was time to make a move. He approached you with purpose, his heart racing as he navigated the crowd.

"Hey," he greeted you with a charming smile, his confidence belying the nerves beneath the surface.

You met his gaze, a subtle playfulness dancing in your eyes. You open a silly smile, feeling your body floating by his presence. “Hey Rojas. I'm happy you made it.”

He chuckled, his voice carrying a mixture of amusement and sincerity. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. And I have you to thank for giving me another reason to look forward to it."

You are surprised by his attitude, but you like it a lot. Your smile opens and like magnetism you approach, with the excuse to yourself that because of the noises around him he could not hear you well.

“You're welcome.” You go to a nearby table, taking one of the dishes you made and bringing it to his mouth. “Have you tried this one yet?”

He shakes his head, opening his mouth as he looks deep into your eyes, so you put it gently in his mouth. He closes his eyes while tasting what you cooked, it was an explosion of flavors, he missed eating what she prepared with so much affection.

“This is amazing…” He says after swallowing, the drummer smiles and you feel your legs shake. “I've never had the opportunity to say this before, but you make the best food I've ever had.”

You take the compliment to heart, happy with what that simple sentence does to you. You smile as you take in every detail of his face, trying to memorize it in fear of the way he might pull away again. He moves closer to you, bringing his lips to your ear he whispers.

“Just don't tell my mom.” You laugh with his phrase, and he takes comfort in the notes that your vocal cords emanate.

“You're a funny guy Rojas.” Honestly, you say, and he takes advantage of the light in the room to admire you better.

“And you're a pretty woman L/N.” Your heart races in a way you've never seen before.

“I'd like to show you something.” You whisper, nodding towards the kitchen. He licks his lips curiously, nodding, he holds his hand out to you for you to take in his.

You open one of the doors that led there, Rojas doesn't question himself for a second if he should accompany you. The expansive kitchen was a blend of modern design and timeless charm. Polished dark wood cabinets lined the walls, their ornate carvings catching the light like delicate lacework. Above, glass-fronted cabinets display crystal stemware, sparkling faintly as if echoing the stars outside.

A massive center island dominated the space, its sleek marble surface reflecting the ambient light in a mesmerizing dance of soft patterns. An array of fresh ingredients, artfully arranged in glass bowls, adorned the island—a testament to both culinary prowess and an eye for aesthetics.

The pristine stainless-steel appliances shimmered discreetly, their sleek contours hinting at cutting-edge technology beneath the surface. A professional-grade range stood proudly against one wall, its burners and knobs illuminated with a subtle blue glow. The oven, with its glass door closed, radiated a faint warmth, inviting thoughts of sumptuous dishes in the making.

Overhead, a dazzling chandelier suspended from the ceiling added a touch of old-world charm. Crystal droplets captured and refracted the soft light, scattering prismatic rainbows across the room, while a warm cascade of light spilled down onto the island, creating a focal point that drew the eye.

The kitchen's luxurious details extended to every corner. A wine cooler, elegantly integrated into a side alcove, housed an assortment of fine wines and champagnes. A mosaic backsplash behind the sink dazzled with an intricate pattern of mother-of-pearl tiles, reminiscent of moonlight on water.

A plush area rug, strategically placed in front of the island, offered a cozy contrast to the cool surfaces, inviting one to linger and savor the culinary creations that would emerge from this space. High-backed barstools lined the island, upholstered in soft leather, inviting guests to sit and share in the joy of both cooking and companionship.

The scent of fresh herbs lingered in the air, a testament to the thoughtfully designed herb garden that graced one corner of the room. Pots of basil, rosemary, and thyme thrived beneath the soft glow of carefully positioned task lighting, infusing the air with their aromatic embrace.

The voices of the other guests were like a muffled noise at this point, you let go of his hand to go to the switch where you turned on a dimmer light, approaching the fridge you left him still in question watching your every step in the middle of the icy place. When you open the door of the device, you take out a bowl that you had prepared that afternoon, he crosses his arms over his chest, still confused.

“You may have noticed that I didn't leave you anything this week.” You say, still not showing what you got from the fridge.

“Yes, I did.” He rests on the kitchen island, you lose your breath with the beauty in him. “I missed it a lot actually.”

“I did it because I wanted to end what we have.” He is caught off guard, had he read this whole situation wrong? He decides not to say anything, just frowns. “I don't want us to just exchange glances, you know? I think you're a nice guy and I don't know... I wanted to get to know you better.”

He opens a huge smile, agreeing with his head getting closer to you. Then you hold out the bowl showing him the foods you had been thinking about during the week.

“And the best way to know someone is by taste.” You open the lid showing him what you had done. “I thought about these recipes during the week, are you up for it?”

“Hell yeah mami.” He then sits down at the kitchen island, reaching out one hand for the food, raising his eyebrows for consent. You nod your head in agreement.

As his fingers grazed the edge of the bowl, a warm smile tugged at the corners of your lips. It was as if the air between you had shifted, becoming charged with a newfound energy, an excitement that mirrored the spark in his eyes.

He dipped his fork into the dish you had prepared, the aroma wafting upward, rich and inviting. As he took the first bite, his expression transformed, an appreciative hum escaping his lips. It was as if each flavor was a revelation, a journey he willingly embarked upon.

“This is amazing,” he exclaimed, his voice a mixture of genuine surprise and delight. “I mean, I knew you were a great cook, but this... wow.”

You chuckled, a mix of satisfaction and modesty in your response. “Oh thank God you liked it, I was so afraid you wouldn't.”

“Relax Nightingale, I love everything you cook.”

You knew there was no way that could be 100% true, but that lie took comfort in thinking that some of it was honest.

He took another bite, savoring each mouthful as if it were a precious gift. “You know, I've had my fair share of fancy dinners, but there's something about this,” he gestured to the bowl, “that feels different. It's like... comfort food, but elevated.”

The observation brought a genuine smile to your face. “That's exactly what I was going for. Food is meant to be enjoyed, you know, and it's even better when shared with someone special.” You look at him suggestively, he understands the invitation in your words.

“So I'm special, uh?” He says jokingly, you smack him lightly on the shoulder while rolling your eyes.

“Shut up, taste the others... I want to know what you think?” You respond by sitting next to him at the counter where he was.

He nodded in agreement, his expression softening as he continued to eat. The two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm of conversation, punctuated by the occasional hum of approval as he sampled each dish. As the night unfolded, the voices of the other guests outside the kitchen seemed to fade even further into the background, you hadn't left the kitchen to find out but you imagined that only the band and Teddy were there, thinking probably the other guests were gone by now.

As the last bites were savored and the last traces of dessert disappeared from his plate, he leaned back in his seat with a satisfied sigh. “You, cariño, are a culinary magician. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a meal like this before.”

Your heart swelled with a mix of pride and warmth at his praise. “I'm so glad to hear that. Now I know a little more about you, but I'm not gonna lie Rojas, I want to know more.”

He smiles, his gaze meeting yours with a newfound depth. “I've been wanting the same thing. Will you go out with me to lunch every day this week?”

“I would love that.” You exclaim with a huge smile on your face, it was like you were finally close to him and that was very comforting. “It's a date.”

You guys were silent for a few minutes, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Quite the contrary, you felt loved and belonged by his side. Confirming the great feeling you had since you met, that you were something special.

“Is it crazy if I say I want to kiss you?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes locked with yours.

“Would it be crazy if I said I want you to?”

The two of you were there in the kitchen, lit by the dim light of the room, sitting on the kitchen island while the phrase you said held a suspense that made your bodies burn in anticipation. He once again licks his lips while watching your every move, you open a smile approaching him without looking away, you sit on his lap still watching those eyes as dark as space his hands go gingerly to your waist and you sigh at the contact. You take your hands to his curls, caressing his locks, watching him watch you fondly.

“May I?” He asks, and you nod.

As his fingers brushed against your waist, a shiver of anticipation traced its way along your spine. The world around you seemed to melt into the background, leaving just the two of you, suspended in a moment charged with unspoken desires.

With a gentle nod, you granted your consent, and he closed the remaining distance between you. His lips met yours in a kiss that was both tentative and hungry, a fusion of longing and discovery. It was a kiss that spoke of shared moments, of glances exchanged and unspoken connections forged.

The softness of his lips against yours was like a symphony, a melody that resonated within your very being. His fingers tightened their hold on your waist, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss as if to capture the essence of this moment, to etch it into memory.

Your hands remained entwined in his curls, your fingers threading through the strands as if unraveling the layers that had kept you apart. The kiss was a dance, a rhythm of heartbeats that merged into a single pulse. His warm breath mingled with yours, a testament to the closeness you had both longed for.

As the kiss lingered, time seemed to stand still. It was as if the boundaries that had once separated you had dissolved, leaving behind a space where vulnerability and desire converged. The taste of him, the soft press of his lips, and the electric current that flowed between you were all a testament to a connection that had taken root beneath the surface.

When the kiss finally ended, you remained in each other's embrace, foreheads touching as you caught your breath. The kitchen around you seemed to have transformed, becoming a sacred space that held the echoes of this profound moment.

“That was…” he breathed, his voice husky with emotion.

“Amazing,” you finished his sentence, a happy smile gracing your lips.

He chuckled, his thumb gently brushing along your cheek. “I was going to say perfect, but amazing works too.”

You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips, feeling a sense of contentment settle between you. You are surprised by the strong light that invades the room, both of you quickly close your eyes getting used to the change in place.

“Am I interrupting something?” His father's voice echoes, you quickly get off Warren's lap with a sheepish smile.

“Hey dad.” You say as you come down from the kitchen island, going to him.

“Really Rojas? Get out of there!” He rolls his eyes and leaves, leaving you alone.

“Is this bad?" He asks, a little worried, you shake your head.

“He doesn't mind that much, I assure you." you hold his hand, guide him out of the kitchen. “Come on, let’s enjoy the rest of the party.”

...

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[miela]

Shattered Memories • Chapter XII: Sunflower Love • {Peter Parker x Stark!Reader}

Chapter Genre: FLUFFY (smut mentions) Chapter Warnings: (18+ MDNI) // very time jumpy (its a montage lmao), think of it as a transitional chapter into the next phase. Extra: I will be taking a little break (about a week) to catch up on requests that I have to do, and just to relax my brain a bit. I will be having a Q&A bit though, so stay tuned for that! Word Count: 5.6k

Masterlist | Playlist | Pin Board | Trello

↪ divider by firefly-graphics

For the next six months, life for you and Peter has been nothing but the best days of your lives. 

Smooth sailing and life uninterrupted.

The day after your relationship reunion with Peter, you saw that you both were put into a discord server with all your friends in it. Celina had put it together the day after the Gala, but you two were so caught up in each other that you didn't get a chance to check your phones. 

Gwen had video-called Peter and he woke up to the sound of his phone going off. When he answered, he hadn't realized it was one in the afternoon. You were knocked out next to him snoring softly and in a deep slumber.

"Hello?" He asked groggily while rubbing one eye and turning to lay on his side away from you to not disturb you.

"Dude???" Gwen asked. "Where have you been?! I know it's only been a day and a half but you haven't accepted the server request-...wait where are you?? That's not your bed. Wait, are you naked???"

Peter looked down at himself to double-check. "No, I have boxers on."

You woke up to the sound of Gwen's voice and rolled over snuggling into Peter and looking towards his phone while yawning and rubbing your eye. "Baby, come back to bed," You kissed his cheek and then laid your head on his while wrapping your arm around his waist. When your eyes adjusted you focused on the screen. 

"Oh…!" You smiled tiredly. "G'morning, Gwen."

Gwen's face was a mixture of shock and something else. Peter couldn't tell he was too tired to really analyze. Considering the circumstances, she probably figured out what was happening and what had happened.

"Holy shit!" She exclaimed. 

Peter smiled in response.

"You guys are together?! Like for real?!"

"We are. As of yesterday." 

"Dude! Let's go!" Gwen cheered happily. 

You giggled softly in response.

"Well, I'll let you guys go then, but I am gonna inform everyone. We were all kinda worried about you."

"Sorry about that," Peter said genuinely. 

"Hey, kiss each other so I can screenshot it and send it to everyone."

Peter snorted and you kissed his cheek longingly enough for Gwen to catch the snapshot. Blush bloomed across his cheeks as he smiled in reflex.

"Thank you!" Gwen chimed. "Sweet dreams and other things I guess."

"Gwen, please-" Peter groaned as you giggled.

"Byeeee," and with that she hung up. 

After that, life has been nothing but a dream for both of you. 

Your headaches were gone and you found out with research and testing that when you were made to forget Peter, your senses did not, so whenever you tried to remember him it was a push of the godforsaken spell but and pull of your senses which caused intense pressure in your head because that's where both things affected most.

It was like a constant civil war between what you knew and what you felt. The spell and your senses having an endless wrestling match and your brain was the ring. 

So when you both connected again, your senses went into overload, and didn't know what to do because it was stuck behind a spell. When you first kissed it broke the barrier for your senses to not feel trapped behind the spell. Your mind though, still couldn't completely remember him.

You continued having dreams about the faceless Peter, but you didn't mind when most days you woke up to his face next to yours.

Business was good too, especially when you started social media for yourself. You joined mostly because you helped make a social media app by Stark Industries funding an intern. You made your presence on Flutter (mostly), Twitter, and Instagram for business purposes. TikTok was left for Silk, much like how Peter had a YouTube Channel for Spiderman. 

You had personal accounts on Flutter, Tumblr, and Discord too and you used the username "jarjarjarvis" or "binksbby" made from the nickname Flash Thompson gave you in high school to bully you (he called you "Jar Jar Jarvis" or "Jarvis Binks" or simply "Binks") but jokes on him, you enjoyed the names because you thought they were hilarious as a Star Wars fan. Your Alias name on those was Luna Jarvis. Luna comes from Laguna, which was your nickname from Morgan when she was five because she wanted matching nicknames with you (and your room had moon and star themes). Everything there worked out because you didn't have to think too hard for an alias name. You really only joined with personal accounts to keep in touch with your friends and connect with others of your interests without the fame of a Stark attached to it.

But what the world doesn't see from you is the gallery on your phone where your most cherished moments are. And many of those moments made their way into a new scrapbook that you started that was titled "Our Story II: Reunited". Inside of it were the many memories made from your phone pictures, Peter's photography camera, and a Polaroid you both brought everywhere to capture memories that you and Peter had been making in those six months.

You learned in those months how much of a romantic Peter could be. Dates were nothing but going all out despite his small budget. He knew ways to utilize his resources without going broke. You loved how intimate those dates were. But Peter wasn't the only one making dates though. You also took him out on dates too. It challenged you to stay within budget and not spoil the hell out of him like you wanted to (he wouldn't let you because, by all means, you tried). You two had a dynamite dynamic. 

The seasons passed and you both accommodated them together. The autumn season, when you both reunited as a couple, was filled with red, orange, and gold colored walks in the park during your long lunch breaks and cafe trips after his classes. Hot tea and hot cocoa under heated blankets on the cooler days as you guys binge-watch movies, TV shows, or Celina's YouTube videos. When winter rolled around you went ice skating and built a snowman or had a snowball fight with Morgan in the front yard. Then you would have a hot (and sometimes steamy) shower and then cuddle up on the warm couch. You celebrated the holidays together and on New Year's, Celina and Ned hosted a party at their house with all of your friends.

Some dates included movies. It's one of the easiest ways to spend time together without spending much money. Sometimes it would be going to dinner and then the theater, other times it was a drive-in movie in your beloved convertible but most of the time it was in the comfort of Peter's apartment under blanket forts and surrounded by pizza boxes and other types of food. Sometimes it was Chinese food, Korean barbecue, Italian food, Indian food, or other foods from different cultures but most of the time it was Mexican food due to tacos and burritos fitting well with pizza for reasons you don't understand. 

When you felt like hitting the town you guys would go to bookstores where you told Peter about your favorite books and introduced him to your mystery book boyfriend.  And then comic stores where you both geeked over your favorite graphic novels, manga, and comic books. Sometimes you would buy something. This usually followed up with going to a music store where you would introduce each other to different bands and artists' music that you listen to. You would buy Vinyls while he would buy CDs (a plan you both put together for when you move in together in the future like you guys talked about doing).

Most notable is when he introduced you to Cigarettes After Sex and it was a life-changing moment.

"It's giving Lana Del Rey's brooding cousin meets The Neighbourhood," you commented which made Peter laugh. 

The self-titled album became a common go-to for living room or office ballroom sessions with you two slow dancing in the evenings like the married couple that you hoped to be one day. In turn, you introduced him to Turnover and their album "Peripheral Vision" which he enjoyed a lot more than you thought he would. Afterward, you would go to a cafe to replenish your energy before walking hand in hand down the city's streets or in Central Park.

Other dates would be with your friends too. You once went to a cooking class with Harry and MJ and it ended with both guys stressed and having high blood pressure because you nearly set the place on fire and MJ nearly took her finger off with how aggressively she cut the vegetables. You all agreed to never do that again. 

Another time you did a Pottery class with Miles and Gwen. You and Peter decided to make mugs for each other. You had fun for the most part but you didn't enjoy the feeling of clay on your hands and you tried to not show that you were squeamish about it. Peter made you a dark purplish blue mug with pastel purple clouds and silver stars around it and at the very bottom was a heart-shaped spider web which makes you smile every time you see it. You made him a mug with the darkest shade of blue you could find with stars and the millennium falcon, the death star, and a rogue one on it. You both used your mugs religiously.

Another double date was with Celina and Ned to a Botanical Garden. Celina would tell you all different facts about different flowers which made you all happy because of how excited she got to share her knowledge on them. When you got to the butterfly house, you didn't miss how the butterflies were very attracted to you and Peter due to your bug pheromones. Celina graciously took pictures of you two with several butterflies sitting on you.

You went to an arcade with Pavitr and Gayatri. It was a place where you paid one fee per person and you could play any of the games for the entire day and you guys ended up being there for five hours. You had an absolute blast, but you all were starving afterward which meant lots of food. Gayatri showed all of you an Indian restaurant that had food that tasted the most like the food back in India. You were over the moon with how good the food was.

Sometimes there were group dates with your entire friends group. One time you all went to an underground concert for a friend of Pav, Gwen, and Miles who's name is Hobie Brown. He was a guitarist in a band. He had dark skin, a very punk style, and wicks for hairstyle. Despite the stereotypes against punks, he proved that to be wrong because was one of the nicest people you have ever met. Other group dates included museum dates, roller skating at a roller rink, a full spa day, and that one time you bought everyone a weekend trip to Disney World.

On Halloween, there was a party at Harry's frat house and you and Peter dressed up as your hero personas as a joke. It was funny hearing how people spotted the "differences" between you and your hero alternate self. Like how someone said your ass is smaller than Silk's and that Peter is shorter than Spiderman, which you both found more hilarious than insulting.

Mentioning that, you guys even went on Spider Duo Dates as you both called them. Those consisted of patrolling together, volunteering together, and stargazing on the platform of the Avengers Tower. Spidey and Silk was a hot topic on social media because of the sightings of you two patrolling together again. 

When money was low on his part but he was feeling rather romantic anyway, he would set up a picnic for you both. Sometimes it was on the beach, sometimes it was at a park, and other times it would be at the lake by your house. You would bring your red guitar on those days and sing to him softly as he rested his head on your lap looking up at you lovingly like you hung the moon and created the stars or something. If it were a later picnic you would cloud gaze that turned into star gazing into the night. If a tent was involved that usually meant you were in for an…extra sweet dessert. 

Speaking of, you guys did that a lot in the beginning. It started off as a daily thing you guys did at the end of the day. You both knew it was the Pheromones and that you should slow down but he was insatiable you were insatiable and both of you together were thunderously insatiable. 

You were smart about it though. You weren't completely delirious because of your senses bonding after so long of being apart. You took birth control, he wore a condom and you made sure any room (or tent) you were in was soundproof to the point where people would think you weren't in there. 

You learned that Peter got off on pleasuring you. He's a giver by far and one of the things he likes to do is come visit you during your lunch hour and eat (you) there in your office (on the couch or the desk) as a way to treat you (and satisfy him). 

It happened so much to the point where every time Peter walked into the building (in spider suit), Nika would roll her eyes so hard at him and he would shrug. 

"You said it was your job to know things," he stated to her. "It's not my fault that you're so smart."

"Oh, Puh-lease," Nika said with another eye roll. "Don't start with me, Parker. The way you two leave that damn office beaming like idiots it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you two are doing something in there. You're lucky I'm the only one who suspects anything."

"If you weren't you would gaslight them, right?"

She squinted her blue eyes hard at him. "You're lucky I like you." 

After a while, once your senses got used to you guys being together, your coupling became less frequent. It was down to three times a week, a healthy amount you think. 

You really appreciated how your friend groups came together like a puzzle. Peter and Ned within the first month of reconnecting, instantly became best friends again. You became close with Gwen and MJ became close with Nika. Everyone got along so well and you all hung out whenever you could. 

When your 22nd birthday rolled around, no one was surprised that this day was going to be your favorite birthday to celebrate. Peter wholeheartedly expected you to be theatrical that day.

Peter woke up before you and decided to make breakfast for you with Morgan. They had gotten pretty close and she began to see him as an older brother figure which brought you joy. You knew if Morgan approved of the guy you're with, then he's a keeper. She could be an annoying little shit at times, but she did genuinely care about your well-being.

Happy also lightened up on Peter and he almost sees him as a nephew or son now, which also relieved you from your worries there. Pepper liked Peter from the start so you had no issues there. 

As to be expected you were a bit dramatic in the morning but not in a bad way, but in an amusing way. You blasted "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston which made Peter laugh and Morgan roll her eyes. 

"She's awake," Morgan deadpanned. 

You danced down the hallway wearing a cream off-white frilly lace silk robe, a red silk bonnet with white polka dots, a green feathery fur scarf thing you found at Party City, and red heart sunglasses on your nose. Your makeup was done and your toenails and fingernails were painted the same shade of red as your lips. 

Peter and Morgan watched you the entire time as you danced your way down the first set of stairs and you shimmy your shoulders and pointed at Peter which made him chuckle. You then sat on the railing of the second flight of stairs and slid down. When you reached the bottom of the railing you posed with your leg straight up in the air revealing the black red-bottom strappy heels you were wearing as you stopped yourself before you ended up flying off the staircase railing. 

Thank god, for spider powers.

"How vogue," FRIDAY stated and snapped a picture of you from a hologram.

"Thanks, FRIDAY," you replied.

You had a straight face the entire time. 

Morgan gave you the most disgusted look. "You're honestly so lame and embarrassing," she said with a grimace. "And you look like a mushroom."

"Omg, thank you!" You smiled genuinely and bent your leg down and then swung your legs over to step off the railing. "I was going for a red and folklore-themed beginning of 'You Need to Calm Down' Taylor look. I think I did a good job, no?"

"You look like a dorkface."

"Listen here, peasant child," you lowered your glasses to look at Morgan. "Today is my birthday, my 22nd birthday, all I ask from you is to let me be my quirky lame ass older sister self for a whopping 24 hours and then you can go back to being a little buttheaded little sister all you want, m'kay?"

Morgan rolled her eyes and turned back to being Peter's little kitchen helper. "You're still lame."

"Thank you," you sang.

"You look adorable, princess," Peter smiled.

"Aww, thank you, princey," you walked over and kissed his cheek and he responded with a kiss on your temple. "Did you make breakfast for me?"

"Mhm," he hummed in a sing-song way. "So, if you would like to sit down, your Highness, so I can serve you your royal meal, that would be greatly appreciated." He took your hand and brought it to his lips as he gazed lovingly into your eyes.

The way your heart did backflips was unreal.

"Okay," you sang lovingly after an embarrassing giggle escaped you and you walked over to the island bar and sat down as Morgan made a noise of disgust.

Peter walked over and set down the plate in front of you as he stood behind you. "A stack of strawberry banana and chocolate chip pancakes, a three cheese omelet, and strawberry jam toast." 

"Ooh, are you part of the meal?" You smirked asking lowly and lowered your glasses to meet his gaze.

"Mmm, I'm for later tonight." He smirked and as he leaned in and glanced at your lips with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

"Oh? I can't wait," you replied with a smile.

Your lips met for a long moment until you heard a cup being slammed down loudly next to you. You turn and see Maguna with her hand wrapped around said cup with an annoyed look on her face.

 "Milk for the big birthday baby," she fake smiled and walked away. 

Your eyes follow her with one side of your nose scrunched and a bombastic side-eye.

"Hey Maguna," you started. "Remember a few years ago you were dying to see me kiss someone so you tried to get me and the babysitter to kiss? Now when I'm in a committed relationship you wanna cry about it? Kinda sus, just saying."

Morgan hurried back into the room in a huff. "I was five!"

Peter looked at you with a confused look. "Really?"

"Yeah!" You scoffed in disbelief. "And he actually tried to kiss me!" 

Peter did a dramatic scoff-gasp and put his hand on his chest exaggeratingly.

"I know right?!" You matched his energy. "Fired his ass right away." 

"Good. I should've been the babysitter. Then it wouldn't be so hard would it?"

"Exactly, I wouldn't hesitate to kiss you," you smirk again.

Morgan walked out again while calling out "Mom! Laguna and Peter are being weird in front of me again!"

You pfffted and began eating your food. 

You finished getting dressed as Peter showered. 

You wore a white sparkly fringe mini dress with the strappy heels. Peter went for a white tee shirt to match and a pair of black jeans that had you staring at his ass more than you probably should have been, and red Converse shoes. You both wore matching blazers together. You spent the afternoon out with Peter getting lunch and eating at the park as you both made paper promise rings with an origami kit that he got and walked around town before going home and being met with a surprise party with your friends there. It was filled with karaoke, games, and watching your favorite movie. After that, it was time to open your gifts. You didn’t really ask or want much so they all pitched in to help Celina make you a beautiful versatile dress that was very TS folklore-inspired. You were over the moon and you went to put it on. Celina insisted that you had to do the whole look and so she decided to re-do your makeup as well. When she was finished you hurried down the stairs to show everyone who all agreed that it was amazing.

“You look so cute!” Cindy chimed. “Like a magical forest fairy.”

“Thank you, Cin,” You smiled. 

“Still look like a dorkface,” Morgan smirked.

“You know what,” You said, crossing your arms and standing in contrapposto. “When your birthday comes around I’m setting your cake on fire and throwing it in the lake.”

She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at you and you responded by doing the same back. 

Pepper sighed and rubbed her temple. “I can’t with you two.”

You smiled and looked around for Peter but you didn’t see him.  

"Hey, where’s Peter?" You asked.

"I think he went outside," Celina commented, coming in from behind.

"Yeah, through the back," Gwen added with a thin-lipped smile.

All your friends looked at each other and nodded before looking back at you. You squinted at them all acting suspiciously.

“Girl,” Nika started. “Stop mentally investigating and go find your boyfriend.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” you smiled. “Thank you,” you sang before hurrying to the back door as you lifted the dress from the front in fear that you would dirty it. 

You overheard your friends whisper and shuffle around with your enhanced hearing but you decided to ignore it. You walked out onto the back porch and looked around for your beloved boyfriend. You could sense him but you couldn’t see him.

"Peter?" You call out softly.

You felt his aura towards the greenhouse fairytale garden that you and Morgan worked on together a couple of years ago while you were still healing mentally. It was a way for you to bond and you guys work on it together every spring. It was meant to be a little escapism for anyone who needed it and you found yourself reading in there most times. Outside of the greenhouse garden was a gazebo that was decorated with fairy and globe lights around it and flowers of various pastel colors along the sides of it. It added a nice touch to it. You built it with your own two hands. You often sat there to play guitar and think. 

You followed the flower pathway that led to the garden. You saw that the lights on the gazebo were on and in the center stood Peter wearing a maroon suit with a maroon T-shirt underneath and his stark specs on. 

Oh God, you thought. He looks phenomenal.

He was pacing slightly but stopped when he sensed you and looked up at you. He looked at you with wide eyes as his eye traced over the dress and blushed. You could tell he wasn’t expecting you to come out dressed in a fairytale-like dress and it caught him off guard. You smiled big with a giggle and ran over to the gazebo. You walked up onto the wooden platform and walked over by your starstruck boyfriend. 

“Hello there, handsome,” you smiled. 

“Hey,” he breathed out before blinking rapidly. “You look…I…I promise I’m looking respectfully.”

You snorted. “Well. I’m not looking at you respectfully. That suit is doing wonders for you and even more wonders for me.”

The blush on his face bloomed as he smiled as his composure slowly started creeping back in. “You can take it off of me later.”

“Oh?” you smirked and put your arms on his shoulders. “Is that a promise?”

He put his hands on your waist and pulled you closer. “It is. And I keep my promises.”

“Most of them anyways,” you giggled. “I did have to come find you, no?”

“Okay, fair, but I did tell you everything,” He smiled with raised eyebrows.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” you replied in a playful defeated tone. 

You both chuckled softly and after a moment of silently admiring each other like it was the first time you saw each other, Peter cleared his throat.

“Will you dance with me?” He asked you.

“Always,” you smiled. 

"Hey EDITH. Please, play the song."

 You smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck and began dancing silently. He then twirled you and you giggled. You both danced around playfully and romantically around the gazebo before he pulled you back into him with your hands on his shoulders and his hands on your hips. 

He smiled. "My barefoot princess.”

You had forgotten that you hurried out of the house before putting on your shoes. You knew if Morgan saw you like this she would have some witty shit to say to you about it. 

"You missed your chance to say barefoot Cinderella," you replied with a playful tone.

"I'm not making a Hannah Montana reference," he grimaced with a smile. 

You giggled and then you leaned your head on his shoulder and he kissed your head. "I love being your barefoot princess."

 Your senses and heart were blooming and fluttering as you both danced and you couldn't help but get lost in your thoughts. You realize that if you were to ever have a wedding, you want it to be just as magical as this moment. 

When the song ended, Peter pulled away for a moment.

 “Um, I got you something.” 

He reached into his pocket and walked behind you. You then felt him put something around your neck. You looked down to see a gold heart-shaped necklace with a sunflower on it. You looked at it with wide eyes as you felt him wrap his arms around your torso and lean his chin on your shoulder. You lift your hands to touch the golden heart and when you do, you open it to see a picture of you and Peter in it. 

You pouted and looked at him with glossed-over eyes. 

“Do you like it?” He asked. “I got the sunflower one because our senses are like sunflowers. Always facing their sun.”

“Yeah,” you replied softly. “I love it, Peter. So, so much.”

He smiled and kissed your cheek longingly. 

About an hour later, Peter carried you inside bridal style so you wouldn’t dirty the floor from being outside in nature. He set you down on the counter of the bathroom, grabbed body-cleaning wipes from the cabinet and cleaned your feet for you. He then planted kisses on them. You watched him endearingly the entire time and he looked up at you with a smile.

“You’re so pretty,” he cooed.

Your face burned and you looked away from him shyly and you pressed your lips together to keep from smiling like an idiot and failing miserably. You both then went back down by your friends who teased both of you playfully. It was then time for everyone to leave and you and Peter ended the night in bliss. 

The next day you were met with another gift. It was a heart-shaped box with star name tags with the words "from Peter" on it with a heart.

You opened the box and were met with 

adoption papers for a kitten and a love letter from your beloved boyfriend.

Peter had gone and gotten you a rescue fluffy ragdoll kitten who was born on the day you climbed through Peter's window and reconnected. 

You teared up and hugged the letter to your chest after reading it.

It was sitting in a room that was made into a cat room by your friends while you were out with Peter. The kitten was presented to you on a cat bed when you walked in. 

"Hi little one," you cooed softly as the cat rubbed its head on your hand and began purring. 

You spent the rest of the weekend playing with the bundle of fur, sending pictures in Discord, and telling Peter that he's the best boyfriend ever.

All in all, everything was perfect. You didn't feel that giant hole in your chest anymore, you got out more, your relationships were strong and overall you had a clearer mindset about everything. You still missed your dear old dad and you still had days when your mental health would decline, but for the most part, everything in your life was falling into place. It was like you were living in a contemporary age fairytale.

Until the universe decided it had other plans for you.

It was the monday after your birthday when you walked to the back of the Avengers building to go for a coffee run. Really you just needed out from your hovering board members who were bothering you about anything and everything. Your best bet was to escape through the employee parking garage.

Before you could go any further than the parking lot, your senses began tingling. You stopped and looked around before you saw your spider-boyfriend ease down on a web upside down. He was wearing the red and black spider suit you made for him, and it was honestly your favorite. 

 You smiled at him, "Spidey."

"Miss Stark," he replied. 

"Fancy seeing you here in my employee parking lot," you crossed your arms and leaned back on the wall with one leg crossed over the other. 

"I was in the neighborhood," he shrugged. "I figured I'd bring you lunch but you weren't in your office so I gave it to Nika to put it there for you. She told me where you'd be."

"Ah," you replied and tilted your head to the side and checked him out in his suit with your bottom lip pulled in between your teeth. 

He smirked. "I saw you brought Dutchess Willow to work."

Dutchess Willow, or just Willow, is what you named your new kitten. She was in your office napping on the couch when you walked out.

"She's too cute to leave at home. Plus she keeps me sane."

"I'm glad," you could hear the smile in his voice.

"So what brings you here besides bringing me lunch hm?" You smirked. "I'm sure you didn't sense any danger in Mid-Manhattan all the way from Queens."

"Nah," he leaned his hand on the wall next to your head as if he were leaning you back on the wall. "Just you."

"Oh?" Your smile widened as you let out a giggle. "Am I distracting you from your hero duties, Spidey?"

"Just a bit," you could hear the smirk in his voice. "I have an idea of how that could be fixed." 

"Do you now?"

He tapped the area where his lips would be and you laughed softly and bit your lip again. "You're cute."

"In this suit? I think I'm a little more than cute."

"Hot?" You pulled his mask halfway up his face. "Sexy, perhaps?" You moved your face closer to his. "Maybe…fuckable?"

"Ooh," he began with a smirk on his visible lips. "Can't say things like that while I'm in a suit this tight, princess."

"You have a guard there," you replied lowly.

"Yeah, that's part of the problem."

You both giggled and you leaned in and kissed his lips softly and he reciprocated. Your hands cradled his face and it felt strange because he was hanging upside down but the kiss was absolutely electrifying. 

You guys pulled back for a moment looking at each other drunk from the kiss before he flipped himself to stand normally and pressed you against the wall while kissing you deeply and you invited his tongue to explore your mouth. Your leg instinctively went around his waist and he held it in his hand while his other arm leaned against the wall next to your head. 

He grinded himself against you instinctively. And you moaned softly in response. 

"Spidey," you smiled with a flirty tone. "Save that for later."

"Sorry," he apologized. "Can't help it sometimes. Gotta have you thinking about me." 

You hummed in amusement and playful doubt as you kissed him again as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

Moments like these were sweet and had you giddy but usually, it was in a more secluded area. So you didn't spot the figure in the distance with a camera out filming the both of you caught up in your little moment, you didn't hear the whispers of an act of sabotage and secret defamation, and didn't expect it to be on blast on the Internet as the number one trending topic in a matter of hours. 

~

Tags:

@chrisevans-realwife @riordanness @peterdarlingg @thecrystalclarity @brckenmemories @paleprincesssxo @blackcanary130 @kindlover @i-have-no-life-charlie @melodicheauxxlovesfood @hufflepuff-n-fluff

[clarafyer]

This is gonna be a long vent post so uh yeah

Cw: Detailed description of a shutdown/meltdown

So a few hours ago during the last period of school I had a big shutdown that turned into a meltdown the second the dean asked "Are you done with your work?" (I do my English mainly in the dean's office since she helps 504 kids and my classmates are horrible in English)

Our last unit of the year is a podcast unit. I finally finished the first recording assignment the other day, one that was like 2 weeks late but only a few days late with my 200% time accommodation, and now I have one thing to do. One thing out of all of my classes at the moment. It's another podcast, and is normally due tomorrow. We've had 2 weeks so far to work on it and I haven't even finished the planning sheet because EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THE FUCKING DOCUMENT I JUST SHUT DOWN AND SIT THERE FOR THE ENTIRE HOUR.

The past few days, it's made me cry silently and unmoving in my seat. The dean didn't notice until today, and the shut down turned into a melt down right when she didn't even ask if I was okay, she asked if I finished my work. I was hyperventilating and trying my best to be as quiet as I could as to not be a burden upon the rest of the front office area. I wanted to punch the chromebook, to scream at the top of my lungs, to tear my hair out. But no, I just sat there hyperventilating and sniffling, hunched over the table, apologizing for no reason.

Well, I was apologizing for being a loud mess and not listening to her on how I could write the introduction because naming Princess Diana's charities in the very introduction would be way too obvious (the podcast is Imagined Life, you go through the life of a celebrity, describing it in the second person and only revealing who it is at the end)

I still have the same straight As that I've had all year, but if I don't finish this fucking unit that I hate so much, then my English grade is gonna drop so low because each podcast project is almost 100 points each and is put into the test category on Skyward (tests are worth 30-something% of the full grade.) I don't want to do this unit, I hate it so much and I can't muster up anything to progress on it.

When she would tell me to type it up, I could barely even do the function, I wasn't able to do any of the tasks I had to do the entire period. All I could do was just reach my hand out to the keyboard and then just pull it right back to my face.

I felt so fucking guilty and ashamed for not doing anything, I know I was rendered useless and had to cope and get away from the problem, but I felt like I couldn't do that, I couldn't do that, otherwise I'd be lazy and stubborn and a cry-baby and just having a big temper tantrum.

I remember it so vividly and I think that was one of the worst I've ever had.

I hate this

I hate being like this

I hate masking

I hate unmasking too

What went wrong this year? I thought I was doing great, only a few late assignments before I got my 504, so few meltdowns compared to the last few years, I finally started figuring out why my brain is how it is

Oh

That was where it went wrong. I started advocating for an autism diagnosis and when I got evaluated by the school, they said I missed the communication category and legally didn't qualify for autism-related accommodations. Sure, they said I still was totally likely to be medically diagnosed positive, but all the doubt, all the questioning, all the impostor syndrome, all of EVERYTHING is where this year went wrong.

I don't want to write anymore so if you read all of this, thank you. I don't care if anyone interacts or not, but I really needed to vent and connect with the rest of the autistic community. I can't wait for this school year to be over.

[an-aura-about-you]

the work day is done which means it's time to procrastinate on more chores with Handbook for Mortals! I hope you brought your neckbraces because you are not prepared for the whiplash.

continuing with chapter 7 part 2:

when we last left our hero, Scheherazade was shopping at the mall and picked out a dress of questionable color. it wasn't bad looking, it's just the author changed her mind on whether it was blue or black within two sentences.

-Zade admits to the clerk checking her out that she's got two guys vying for her attention and that she honestly likes them both. she then gets worried that the clerk is going to judge her for this. projecting much?

-okay. okay. oh my god. it's time for this scene, holy fuck. I'm just. I'm just gonna put this here for you to read yourselves:

As I was made [sic] my way up through the main section of the mall, I saw two vaguely familiar-looking figures walking towards me. I squinted as they approached. When they were nearly in front of me, I laughed aloud; of course they were familiar. Carrot Top and Wayne Newton grinned when they saw me, and I couldn't help but let a smile spread across my own face as I stopped to greet them.

just. what do I do with that? I knew it was coming and I'm still laughing so much.

-they all know each other??? for some reason????? I get that Carrot Top and Wayne Newton are Las Vegas regulars, but they are aware of who Zade is outside of her being a potential fan of theirs?

-they are. planning on coming to some premiere. that Zade is connected to, presumably a premiere of a show for her. just. damn, the character shilling.

-okay so. it. it's time for another round of When Is This Story Set? it's a good thing I get to type this and not try to say it aloud. Zade congratulates Carrot Top on winning Comedian of the Decade. no shade to Carrot Top, but I doubt he would have won that even when he was relevant. but if Carrot Top IS a serious contender for it, well, then the story HAS to be set sometime in the 1990s.

-hoooo boy and RIGHT on the heels of that we get a strange girl approaching Zade in the parking garage saying she knows what Zade is. this. this is a lot in one go.

-the narration says the girl tells Zade, "Not what you do, I know what you are," sarcastically, but how? does she mean condescendingly?

-the girl tells Zade that her magic is making it so guys fawn over her and girls can't stand her. so this is it, everybody: this story is running on magic omegaverse juice.

-and then the girl says she wants to test Zade's power, gives herself some space, and casts fuckin Magic Missile. Zade is pushed into the wall but manages to fire back. this satisfies the girl who just up and leaves in an orange Lambo.

-we're not gonna see her again btw. like we will kinda see her again once later, but she's not gonna do anything. no I don't know why the author is sequel baiting in chapter 7.

-"A familiar person was walking up to me, smiling widely." oh christ idk if I can handle another familiar person after the last time you used that phrase.

-turns out it was Lil from chapter 3 who gives Zade a hug, asks if she's okay, and then is never seen again for the rest of the book. I'm not kidding.

and that's the chapter. just. holy shit.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi. So I am not sure it is right that I am writing here but I honestly don't have anyone else to ask about this. I am following your blog for a long time and I have had many asks before from you so I feel like weirdly you are someone I can trust and ask things from. You were talking about being ace before and I am just started to question myself in my late twenties. Just to sum it up, I have never been in a relationship and I started to question myself whether it can be because I am under the ace umbrella or I just simply haven't found anyone I could click with. When I was reading about all the different asexuality types I felt like some of them are like really close but I am still not sure. What if I only feel like this because I haven't had anyone? Maybe I was just unlucky so far and once I will have someone it will be different....but what if it is connected? These are the things are in my head and I am honestly just wondering maybe coming from personal experience or your opinion as someone who I presume is longer in the ace community that what do you think? Or what can you recommend for me to have a look at or someone who is in a similar shoe? I couldn't find anyone or anything about never being a relationship is connected to being ace or it's just not that..? Hope it's okay I have asked this here. Thank you <3

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

OOOF I can relate to finding out you're ace a bit later – mine was when I was 32/33 – and let me tell ya, I initially also thought it was because I wasn't in a serious relationship ever.

Now this is just me speaking from personal experience, but I hope it will help you too.

My journey of questioning lasted four years, and it was a LONG four years of reading, testing labels, seeing what fit, etc. And it could be you're also going through the same thing I did, and THAT'S OKAY. And my journey ALSO looked into my romantic attractions as well. You might be confused and unsure because you may be aromantic; it's TOUGH to figure that kind of thing out, especially if you've never had sex, never WANTED to have sex, and never had any sort of serious relationship. And because I don't want to rule it out, it could also be a chemical imbalance within you, or your medications, if you have any, could be affecting your biology as well. Just something to consider, but PLEASE think of it as a last resort, because a lot of doctors don't think asexuality is "a thing" (a doctor I saw recently had no idea what it was, and thought my lack of interest in sex is because of my OCPD... while it could be a contributing FACTOR, it's not the reason, because I KNOW I've been this way all my life). So it's worth exploring as a secondary issue, BUT you seem certain you're ace, so I will continue this reply on that assumption.

Early in my journey, it's SO confusing and overwhelming. For me it was "I WANT to be with someone, but... I don't want to really fuck them?? Like, that person is aesthetically pleasing to me, but I don't think anything beyond that? It's tough being ace and trying to navigate a hypersexualized world.

I'm gonna cut to the chase and give you this term to look into: "split attraction model". This changed EVERYTHING for me, and what started to help me understand myself better. Essentially, it is the principle that mainly-aspec people use to help define their sexual vs romantic attraction. It opened a lot of avenues of discovery for me, and I think it will help you too, especially as a fellow "never been in a relationship" ace.

THAT SAID, you are not any less ace BECAUSE you haven't had a relationship. It took me a long time to come to terms with that concept, since the fact that I was never in a relationship was used against me (and many aces), that I just hadn't met the right person yet.

FUCK THAT. No one knows YOU better than YOU. And if you currently are trying on the ace label and it feels right at the moment, then you are asexual, no microlabels needed. And it's no one else's business other than yours and a potential partner's. That's it.

So yes, it MIGHT be connected, and you might find out, when you're with someone, that HEY you might actually be gray asexual, or demi sexual, and THAT'S OKAY. Your labels can change over time as you figure yourself out.

And if you never settle? That's okay too. Don't beat yourself up, Lovely. You're YOU, not the label society wants you to have.

Some websites you can check out for more starting point research:

Understanding Asexuality (Trevor Project)

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

The A-Spec Category (LGBTQIA+ Wiki)

I hope you find a bit of comfort in my words, and never hesitate to ask me anything. I enjoy helping other aces figure themselves out <3

[capriciouslyterminal]

When Eddie Met Steve 👀🚨👀🚨

So in case you haven't heard this is a When Harry Met Sally AU because I genuinely couldn't stop thinking about them in several key scenes so I fully started planning new moments of interaction and re-introductions for the both of them. This would be...the second one? And they'd be driving up to New York.

He’s standing on the corner of Monroe and Victory, his life crammed in a duffel and his old basketball bag at his feet, and his heart isn’t in his hands as much as it’s been ground into a messy little pulp on the concrete in front of him. Like he’s just tripped and dropped it onto some train-tracks while the subway rushes towards him. That’s a stress nightmare he’s been having for a while now, except it’s the championship game and he’s holding the ball and his big shot (the one for all the marbles) is flung under the wheels as he trips. As he thinks oh, that’s it.

Game over. It’s a thought that has been following him around like the stink of mold on a towel you kept using for too long. A smell and spots that seemed to just be part of the poor thing now, no matter how many times you run it through the machine.

The temptation to fling himself after that basketball, to just let the rest of him be crushed up into its own messy paper ball as well, is all-consuming as he waits for a ride he can’t call to say maybe he shouldn’t be moving across three states. Because Nancy’s the one with a cell. She said she’d let him use it. He put that number down in the job applications he’d already submitted and he has no more idea of how he was going to change that when he gets to New York than he does as to what train route he’s going to have to take to his new apartment. 

How the fuck is he going to figure out the subway of all things? For a moment he is paralyzed with indecision, with the way that all the numbers and routes Nancy once showed him on a map she’d brought back and rattled off like lottery numbers seemed to pile in the corners of his mind like dead skin. The knowledge is left limp in his hands like hair he’s pulled out of his head. For a moment he is paralyzed at the thought of his hair, of how it must have looked when she got out of her car twenty minutes ago.

For a moment he is following a phantom with his eyes, following the lines she’d made in that map. How she traced each line with a finger, tapping against the spongy surface with a nail that she had gnawed to the quick but painted just before she got home, which only made him think about how he used to connect the freckles along her back. Nancy was supposed to be able to help him with that, Nancy was supposed to show him the best places to eat and the worst places to drink and which routes would get him from his shoe-box apartment to the museums she loved and wherever he’d end up working. Oh man, where’s he gonna work? How is he gonna live? How does he live without Nancy Wheeler?

The question feels inescapable, incomprehensible, and Steve’s never been great at riddles. Never been great at working out the complicated stuff, never been known for showing his work in a particular order to clue someone in as to how he found his final number. He was more of a stare at the test with his feet kicked up, chew on his pencil, decide when he was done, and write something that felt right on principle type of guy. It was something Mrs. Raleigh, the retired calculus teacher his parents hired to get his ACT score up, had hated him for.

There’s always a way to get there, Steven, and it will do you well to show someone the way. And eventually he had, at her kitschy dining room table, and he’d managed to pass Calculus with her and Nancy shoving him the whole way. And then he’d made it through Hawkins U by the skin of his teeth with Nancy’s calls from Emerson telling him to get his ass in gear if he wanted to keep up with her.

But now, standing on the sidewalk it all feels useless. It all feels undone, and a piece of shit van the likes of which he’d entirely forgotten about pulls up beside him and lays on the horn thick.

[fettery-fetterie]

I ought you to understand this is gonna be a mess all the way through. Anyways

I guess I could describe it as like....tortino is a confident woman, which knows her status and her skill; she's a bit blunt on mannerisms(?) but ultimately doesn't mean harm, in fact, she puts credit where credit is due. She holds pride to herself without being egocentric, she holds knowledge to herself while sharing as much as she can

Does that make sense? Is that a good way to describe her?

Anyways,

I also really like how she like. Whenever is confused over what hlev says she doesn't really seem to mind? Or rather, she just kinda brushes it off? I feel if you ask somebody else they'd be like "oh it's bc she's his boss and has to act relatively nice to him". But I feel the real answer is just..."I am in no place to judge because I would/did the same"

-

It's the "cherish being able to know things" bit that just drives me mad. Like leaving well behind the fact it could just be a reference line. Of course she'd believe that. Of course she'd know how wonderful it is to hold knowledge. Of course she'd believe it's joy and something to cheer to

It's just...it makes perfect sense that her drive to be a photoslav comes from the yearning of knowledge, from innate human curiosity

Which like, to how I see myth hunting in general (the one for games anyways) is like that: humans being curious about the world they're surrounded in, which drives them to unravel what lines beneath

Tortino feels like that. She's doing this for sheer curiosity, she wants to know more about the world she lives in, thus, she takes on herself the task of revealing truth about incomprehensible, potentially paranormal phenomena.

(if so, why not go to sciences? Be a researcher? Well this is still an absurdist game about gta myth hunting it only makes sense she's insane. But my point stands)

I'd also like to say how she doesn't keep knowledge to herself, she shares what she sees and what she experiences/ed, cherishing being able to know things comes from the desire to know and the desire to share such

What's the point of holding knowledge if you don't give it to someone? What's the point of knowing something so niche only a few will truly get what it's about, and never telling? It's the worst kind of gatekeeping

Shared knowledge is double the knowledge, if you will

(also yeah it's literally bc she's the written tutorial for half the levels but. What I mean is that it would've been very easy to write her as a shitty boss who couldn't give less of a fuck about what hlev knows or gets to know

However, she expressed herself pretty clearly, and the information so far has been perfectly fine

Idk, I feel she understands how she is the mentor, and seems not opposed to that idea-

Because, like, as literally one of the CEOs of -what seems to be- a huge company. Why would she go out of her way to not only personally hire, but also train a new guy who might as well be a nobody? Like. What's the point of that? Surely she must have wayyyy better stuff to do, right?

Either this is for a very elaborate and complicated plan, or she simply feels compelled to do this. Both are vague ideas, but I feel the latter might be the case here. At least regarding her character)

-

I kinda get how someone like her would forget basic details about super myths. But it's still weird bc she still like. Says very clearly what the second quirk is

"I think it activates in response to something" my ass you know damn well the shield activates with the dash

And I feel it's just even more obvious when she just goes "y'know, don't even worry, you'll figure it out" ma'am those were obnoxiously easy clues what are you on

This either means she

A. Can't make connections that fast (likely but also not bc half her field is about making the most batshit insane connections ever known)

B. She genuinely forgot (💀)

Or C. She was testing hlev and she failed at making it even remotely challenging (bad liar teorija?)

It's even EVEN more obvious when she just goes back to having pretty clear info like COME ONNNNN

I don't really have much to say here honestly it's just. Really silly lmao

-

She looks more comfortable and relaxed on big myth co, actually. That's cute

I guess at this point she starts to loosen up when it comes to hlev's skill? She has seen what hlev's capable of: "you've proven your metal a few times now on the job". I think she may start trusting hlev from this point on

Trust as in hlev might not need to be guided anymore, or at least not as heavily

I guess you could also make the argument that she starts trusting him on a more personal level too, something something about finding someone who can understand her own insanity and whatnot. Match her freak, if you will

It's still too early to call that yet tho. But maybe in the future

-

Yeah see this is what I meant when I said she puts credit where credit is due. "Damn, you're good. This is why we hired you for the job. Keep it up and you'll even surpass me."

Like. Like c'mon. That's one hell of a compliment alright? Have the very CEO of the company you just started working on tell you could even surpass her skill is just HUGE

And from the other side too, bc she doesn't seem like the kinda person to throw insanely huge compliments and comparisons like that

She knows she is a very skilled photoslav, which is why she feels confident mentoring a hiree about certain vague stuff. And when she notices the skill this guy has she goes and actively compliments it. And this is me skipping the part at that start of SRM bc she also praises it. Like cmonnnnnnnnnmmn

-

I think I'm done now. Ok. Yeah told you it was gonna be a mess

Hope you enjoyed reading this monster of a ramble tho!

[zyafics]

PROOFS | Rafe Cameron

MASTERLIST (drabble) | x Academic Weapon!Female Reader

Summary — When you're at a party instead of finishing a math assignment due tomorrow, the answer suddenly comes to you and you need Rafe's help to finish it. Word Count — 1.6k.

Content — established relationship, fluff, suggestive tone (implicit), and Rafe being a frat bro. Reader is an academic weapon and nicknamed "Ace" by Rafe's frat brothers.

Dedication — to @winterrrnight because of her comments on my initial post and dedicated to the anon who has to take the 3-hour test in a couple of days, i know ur gonna do great!

You should definitely be studying.

Instead, you're at a white lies party hosted by Rafe's fraternity. The Greek letters shining in white neon lights behind the DJ booth, which is blasting 2000s throwbacks.

The air is electrifying with a drunken buzz from the copious amounts of free alcohol from the kitchen. You were one of them. While you didn't have much, other than the red solo cup that Rafe got for you when you first arrived, it was enough to send a thrill through your system and loosen you up.

You're dancing with a random group of girl friends you found upon arrival, swaying your hips to the music with your head tilted back and a smile gleaming from your lips.

Rafe is watching you. Despite being with his frat brothers, off on the edge of the room and talking about the most random shit, his eyes always search for you from a distance. Making sure you're okay. Making sure no guy is messing with his girl.

When his gaze connects with yours, he tips his head to his direction, gesturing for you to come over. You, in your docile state from the singular beer, listen and pardon from your drunken pack of new friendships.

Rafe's arm wraps around your waist as you approach, dipping his head to deliver a greeting kiss. When you pull back, you’re a bit breathless.

"Hi, baby." He says through the loud volume of the party, the resonance of the speaker blasting the music is pumping through your body and matching your heart rate. "How's the party?"

You shrug. He knows you're still worried about your math assignment due tomorrow. It's the same paper you spent the past fourteen hours camped out in the library trying to solve. Rafe took one look at it and couldn't offer any assistance but neither was coping up in the study room till your brain is fried helping either. So, he invited you out, hoping some alcohol and music would relax you.

It works. Sort of. You are having fun, but the lingering reminder of your assignment sits in the back of your head. Edging your brain, trying to piece together the answers when you know it's there. It's a matter of time.

"Hey, Ace." One of Rafe's frat brothers, Lucas, greets. "How you been?"

You turn to him, blinking through a bit of your haze to recognize the face. "Could be better," you answer, grabbing the red solo from Rafe's hand and taking a sip for yourself. "Do you guys have anything other than beer?"

"Slow down," Lucas chuckles. "You barely attend any of our parties and you wanna start off on something hard?"

"I already drank the beer." You retort. "I gotta get something stronger. Make me forget about all my responsibilities for the night."

Rafe shakes his head, taking the cup back out of your hand and downing the rest. "You're gonna figure it out," he affirms, low enough for only you to hear, to calm your doubts and worries about getting the problem set done. "Just give yourself a break."

You frown but don't say anything else. Rafe returns into an easy conversation with the rest of his brothers, talking about an upcoming event or some random sorority girl one of them hooked up with, and you tune out. Your eyes glaze over to the dance floor in thoughts.

Your mind falls back to your mathematics. The problem flashes through your head, in perfect memory, as you recount the instructions. You consider what you were missing. Since you've been away from the assignment for the entire evening, your mind is clear from all the symbols and equations that were melting into the page.

Now, it comes fresh.

And suddenly, it all... clicks.

"Oh my god." You mutter to yourself. The shock reverberates to the rest of your body. "Oh my fucking god."

Rafe catches the end of your sentence and glances over to you. You don't look at him, pulling away from his grasp and making a direct beeline to the exit. You don't leave—no, you have no time to go back to your dorm and write this down—instead, you go to the front door where a couple of freshman brothers are acting as in-house bouncers for the party.

You tap their shoulders, and when they turn, grab the marker off the table. You don't bother to tell them, immediately uncapping and begin scribbling the problem onto your arm.

Just a few lines in, you realize it won't be enough space. The proof is too big.

Your mind is spinning. You can't go home. You won't have time before the answer flees your drunken brain. But you can't write it down. You don't have space.

Then, an idea crosses your mind.

You rush back to the dance floor, searching for Rafe. He remains at the same spot as he was last time, and when he sees you approach him, frantic and hurried, his brows pull together in concern.

"What's wrong—"

"Come on," you grab his hand and pull him away from his brothers. You don't bother apologizing for interrupting their conversations. Since you are well-acquainted with the house, you pull him to the back where you know there won't be many people.

You were right. Saved for a few drunken make-out sessions spread across the lounge, no one was there. You pull off to a quiet corner, mimicking the couples, and release your hold on him.

"Take off your shirt."

"What?" Rafe thinks he heard you wrong. You were always more conservative when it comes to sex—at least, the location—that the command seems like an auditory hallucination in his ears. "You wanna fuck?"

Normally, you would flush at such crude remarks, but you found none of that today. Too concentrated on saving your work on physical evidence, trying to remember your answers before they fade away.

He doesn't do it. He thinks you're joking.

Since he isn't complying, you start clawing at his shirt, trying to pull it off of him yourself.

He chuckles to himself. He thinks you're drunk and horny. A nice combo he has not seen from you so far. "Really, baby? Right here? I mean, I don't mind—"

"Shut up." You shush with a mumble and Rafe pushes your hands away, finally taking off his shirt for you. The white lie scribbled in his handwriting: I said I don't hate you, is thrown on his arm.

"Happy?"

You didn't even get the chance to admire him. The tone muscles. The perfect planes of his chest. Instead, you say, "turn around."

"New position?"

"Shut. Up!"

All he does is laugh, catching the attention of a couple of college students who pull away from amorous kisses to spare a glance in your direction. While there's a faint heat tinting your cheeks, from your boyfriend's words, you don't care. You were in a feverish state.

Rafe does what you say. He turns and you uncap the marker, starting at the edge of his shoulder blades and begin writing down your proof. Your assignment requires you to prove an equation for being true, utilizing implicit differentiation, trigonometry identities and partial derivatives. You've been stuck on it for the past three days.

Now, it's coming in waves. Of course you would shift it around. Of course you would have to cut the variables in half and move them to the other side. Of course you would forgo the x for the z, and vice versa. Of course, of course, of course.

Rafe feels the tip of the marker moving against his skin quickly, in rapid succession, trying to get everything down. At the rate you're going, you could be smearing the answers across his back instead of getting to your solution.

When you finish, your hand aching from how fast you were going, his entire back is covered in mathematical symbols and equations. Your eyes check through your proof, descending down until you get to his waist, and clears it's correct. "Done."

Rafe turns back around, raising a brow.

"What did you just write?"

You beam in pride. "I just finished my homework."

"On my back?"

You laugh, your lips pulled together in a genuine smile. Something he's glad you're showing off, after seeing how stressed you were with figuring out the puzzle. He’s proud of you. "I told you you'll get it. My brothers call you Ace for a reason."

You roll your eyes at the nickname. Since Rafe goes off and always brags about how smart you are—how you are the first one in your class to raise your hand, how you graduated valedictorian from your high school, and how you've been on the Dean's List for the past two consecutive years—his fraternity brothers has declared you a clear winner. An Ace, if you will.

Rafe glances down at you, at your white lie written across your short top, and licks his bottom lip.

"What?" You ask.

"I find it unfair you get to write shit on me but I can't do the same."

"What do you want to do? Sign my tits?"

He gives you a look that says that isn't a bad idea and you roll your eyes at your boyfriend. Of course.

You uncap the marker, handing it to him. He takes it, leaning forward and tugging down your white top to reveal your bra and begins scribbling his signature across your breasts. You giggle at the sensation.

When he finishes, you glance down to see he did sign it. Alongside with another message.

Not Rafe Cameron's Property.

"God, you're a caveman," you declare with a laugh, knowing this follows along with the white lie protocol.

"And you're mine."

He throws an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer. He doesn't even bother to throw his shirt back on; displaying the intelligence of your scribbles on his back in full glory.

"Now, let's rejoin the party and celebrate."

IMPORTANT: if you want to follow my fics and updates, follow @zyafics-library and turn on notifications!

[webbedphantom]

The Last Stand

Okay, so I wasn't planning to explain this for a while, since it's kinda the finale to my entire AU, or at least the main story, but since I mentioned it in a recent thread, I figured I should probably just get it out there.

To be honest, I've been wanting to talk about it for a while, because it is probably the coolest thing I've ever come up with. But it's tough to explain because it builds off a lot of concepts that would be set up over the course of the story.

So, because of that, I'm gonna put this whole thing under a read more, just in case anyone wants to avoid spoilers for a story I've yet to actually write-

Also BIG spoilers for Persona 5's endgame, but that probably goes without saying.

So, first let's set a bit of the groundwork. In this AU, the Metaverse is completely inaccessible. But the stuff inside it, Yaldabaoth especially, wanna get out, and they're willing to do damn near anything to do it.

Luckily for them, Masayoshi Shido is obsessed with the cognitive world, and dedicates a lot of his company, the Shido Corporation, to figuring out how to tap into the power of the Metaverse. And while most of that research hits a dead end, one doesn't. The Metaverse Serum, which is a whole other can of worms, connects people to the cognitive world and allows them to tap into its power irl. (Though it's also extremely deadly to 99% of the population, which again, whole can of worms, but yeah)

But that connection is a two way street. So when someone actually manages to survive exposure, aka Aaron, the inhabitants of the Metaverse finally have a way into our world. Though it starts off small.

At first, the shadows are only able to manifest in the minds of others, able to control their bodies while they sleep. But they know all they have to do is expose more people to the serum, making more Persona users, giving their world and ours a stronger connection to let bigger and badder things come through, and in far more physical forms, with the end goal of letting the God of Control out of his cage, to fuse the two worlds together.

To make a long story slightly shorter, Aaron and his teammates manage to stop their attempts... for the most part. Each time, one or more of them get exposed to the serum for one reason or another, making the team larger, but also making the shadows that come through much stronger.

Then there's Shido. He's been trying to figure out how to harness the Metaverse for his own ends, often creating a lot of the messes the team needs to clean up, but eventually he finds a solution.

He kidnaps the Phantom Spider, since he was the first to survive the process, and runs countless experiments on him to figure out how he did it, finding out his secret identity in the process. This goes on for days, before his teammates finally track him down and free him... but not before Shido got what he wanted.

Almost immediately after figuring out the process, he tests it on himself, turning into a hulking beast of a man, inspired by Ultimate Green Goblin and Shido's own Shadow.

He isn't quite in his right mind when he first transforms, he hears voices of his own inner demons that urge him to be more like his shadow. And one of those urges was to destroy those who had dared to defile him, which of course, included Aaron and the team.

He attacks them at Leblanc, completely demolishing the front of the cafe and the alley surrounding it. Aaron was still in a rough state, so his teammates had to juggle dealing with this new foe, while also protecting him. But one by one, they fall, until its just Aaron left.

It's a hard fought battle, but thanks to some help from Akechi (because yeah, he doesn't die in this universe), they manage to finally take him down. Shido is arrested and locked up in a maximum security cell, the whole world knowing everything he'd done. The day was saved.

... except Shido's transformation had strengthened the connection to the Metaverse. Enough so that, while he couldn't cross over on his own, Yaldabaoth could enter the minds of others, just as his shadows had done at the beginning of our story. Except, instead of trying to forcibly control someone, something which could be interrupted if the subject were woken up, he decides to make a deal.

A deal with Shido. All the power he could ever want, another chance to crush the pests who'd taken everything from him, and all he'd have to do is let Yaldabaoth possess his body. Shido happily agrees to this, sealing the fate... of Yaldabaoth.

Yeah, the God of Control can't actually control Shido. His will and desires are far too strong (something that's actually kinda backed up by the game. The reason Yaldabaoth did his whole rehabilitation schtick was to get the Phantom Thieves to take down the Palace Rulers, because they were the only people he couldn't control). So in a major twist, the Eldritch horror is the one who's used as a puppet. Literally. Shido rides around on his head pulling on chains to make him do what he wants.

And Shido, being the pettiest man alive, immediately goes to get even with the team, using his new godlike power to wipe them from existence. But much like the game, they're saved by Lavenza (because yeah, since Yaldy can't get out of the Metaverse, he never splits her in two, because he never begins his game with Igor. He has no reason to)

Lavenza had appeared a few times during the second half of the year, providing guidance and attempting to warn Aaron of the coming threat. He isn't a wild card, nor is he a guest of the Velvet Room, but she'd managed to get her master's permission to provide them some aid, hoping to avoid this situation alltogether.

Sadly, she failed. And because Aaron doesn't possess the wild card, he doesn't have the power needed to take Yaldabaoth out. It seems hopeless.

But while they can't take down the God, they can take out the guy controlling him! See, Shido didn't get a Persona like Aaron did. He just tapped into the Metaverse's power. So he still has a palace, he still has a treasure, and because he is fusing the two worlds together just by bringing Yaldy here, they can change his heart. And if they do that, the resulting change in Shido's cognition would force him and the God apart.

Course, Shido studied cognitive psi-ence. He knows his weakness, and he is guarding it with everything he has. There's absolutely no way they can take him on in a fight. It'd take all of them to even slow him down.

But they don't have to beat him. They just have to take his treasure and get it out of range of his Palace. And because Shido is, again, the pettiest man alive, if there was someone there to distract him, someone he hated greatly, and that person could survive long enough to give the others time to escape, they could pull it off.

Of course, the only person who could do that, is Aaron Amamiya.

But that's ridiculous, right? No way Aaron could survive taking on Shido alone, not while he has the powers of a god.

Well, that's where the symbiotes come in.

See, in a previous adventure, Makoto lent Aaron her symbiote so he could fight Akechi (It's an adaptation of the Red Goblin arc, story for another time), and since symbiotes bond to the Persona of their host as well as the host themselves, he got access to Anat and Johanna as well as all the other tricks a symbiote has up their metaphorical sleeves, albeit temporarily.

Normally, a symbiote can only bond to one Persona at a time. But with the aid of the Velvet Room, the team will be able to lend their powers, their Personas, to aid Aaron in his fight, though it will leave them powerless.

Thankfully, powerless doesn't mean helpless. After all, in between all the Metaverse shenanigans, they fought plenty of tech based villains. Tech which is stored in a secure facility, that Sae Niijima has access to.

None of them like this plan, but it's the only one they got.

So we have a war on two fronts. Aaron wielding the powers of all his teammates, Futaba's Ironheart Armor, Makoto's symbiote, Haru's telekinesis, Yusuke's ice, Ann's flames, ect. in a big climactic battle against a God powered Shido above the clouds, taking heavy inspiration from Super Sonic fights, especially the ones from Sonic Frontiers. (I just imagine Aaron shouting out the names of his friends as he switches between their Personas, finally allowing him to feel like a wild card, it's such a cool idea that makes me smile) But even with all that power, he still can't win this. All he can do is stall for time, grab the attention of Shido and every shadow in his palace.

ALL as a distraction for the rest of the team, wielding the tech of various supervillains they've fought over the year. Haru and Futaba pilot Rhino's armor, Makoto gets Shocker's gantlets and rides up to the Palace in shocking Big Wheel (a visual that I adore btw), and... I honestly don't know what the others would use yet, but it would AWESOME.

Everyone gives it their all, managing to retrieve the treasure and nearly make it all the way to the edge of the Palace. But Shido notices, and having beaten Aaron severely by this point, he's in no condition to stop him. Yes, it's "The All is Lost Moment" time.

But of course, just like in the game, the people of Tokyo cheer him on, and Aaron uses that power to give it one last shot, intercepting Shido and slowing him down just enough to let the team cross the threshold with the treasure. Shido writhes around in pain, Yaldabaoth fades back into the Metaverse, and Aaron returns the powers of his teammates for one final ALL OUT ATTACK!!!

And... yeah, that's how it ends. Aaron doesn't get arrested, since the whole world saw Shido do what he did, though that also means his record never goes away. Unfortunately, due to his heart being bound to Yaldabaoth, his change of heart didn't stick. Shido is still Shido even after all this. And while I don't have those stories worked out yet, Shido will spend the rest of his days trying to either get revenge on the team, or attempt to regain the power he lost.

It's not perfect, like I really want to work Akechi into it more, and there's probably some other stuff I could've done, but I think the core concept is solid. I always wondered what would happen if they stole a treasure without fighting the Palace Ruler, if they just grabbed the thing and booked it to the end, so having that be their only option, because Aaron isn't a wild card, so he can't wield Satanael, is just really cool to me. And I ESPECIALLY love the idea of the big Dragon Ball-esk Shonen anime fight be used as just a distraction, because the fight is just unwinnable.

If you read all this nonsense, thank you. Seriously. It means the world to me that you found the idea interesting enough to read this novel of a post. But please please PLEASE let me know what you think of all this! Shoot me a message, reply to this post, whatever you're comfortable with, because if I ever get around to finishing the fanfic this was all for, I want it to be the best that it can be, so the more feedback the better.

I promise I don't bite. I might take a bit to respond, due to social anxiety, but I really do want feedback on this.

Or if you're not comfortable with any of that for whatever reason, completely understandable, again I have severe social anxiety, just leave a like if you enjoyed my ramblings here. It'd really mean a lot.

Okie, that's it. Bye bye

[mira-hildegard]

as i write this there is an animated ad that is annoying. i will go to save this draft, summon up Inspect Element, remove it and return to writing. this is a little thing I picked up when I was young – to tinker with everything I see. I've broken a dozen pens learning how they work.

this is what turned out to be a very long thing about ADHD. yes, i am venting my frustrations a little, and these thoughts are being written for me – you are welcome to read them, though certainly there are A Lot Of Them.

i'm being polite aren't i. you know what to do with your own time.

one of the ways that i think life works for most people is that they have some sort of a filter. but when i look at the walls i see static. literally the ambient noise of the world – the sort of thing your brain should filter out – but i don't.

i was tested for tinnitus and they couldn't figure out why. but i grew up in a town so big it should be a city – but it isn't. instinctively I open a new tab and look up the population of York. okay, yeah, that's a city. but i'm from the corner of a town. there is nobody there save for a few scrappy kids. one of them thinks a ringing in the ear is normal and the noise in the world is because i have square eyes and am a freak.

i've been letting things slip for what feels like forever. perseverance is difficult when your brain is wired to do new things. in a perfect world this would be fine: beautiful, even. but we are all in an individual world now.

i find it hard to not generalise. to write something that sounds poetic when i type it but is really just soppy nonsense – about how the world is full of tiny glass windows I look through, how we're all ever more connected and yet more distant. The reason, of course, is that I'm in a town I don't love in a job I dislike. my only hope, my saving grace, is twofold.

hope number one. i go back to a city I love to do a PhD. which, by the way, when you have ADHD, is rather daunting, and feels like an utter blow to the stomach to think about. i don't feel worthy - or capable, to be honest - but it's about something i like, for a cause i love. it's all laid out to me, but it's daunting.

hope number two. i write my book. at first it's easy to fall in love with it. but the characters have been in my head for so long it's hard to make them do anything. that hurts, by the way. i've let friendships crumble because my brain isn't wired to remember what's not in front of me. these dumb characters, though? they're there. to mock me in their — "idealness".

because that's adhd really. for me. it's the concept of idealising things. of being passionate at the wrong time.

it's about cycles. in the morning you want to read the website and reload the website and do nothing and enjoy it. you want to do idle little tiny things because they entertain you. by night, if you're lucky enough to not be distracted, you get the confidence to realise it's bullshit. you have the emotions in you to realise what you should be fighting for. but then you realise that you either have to keep fighting – and lose sleep, a precious thing – or fade into the night.

and it is a little bit like death, actually. because you wake up and it's the morning again and you're back to being doe-eyed. and the cycle continues.

there are other cycles, too. deleting The Apps in a fit of righteous annoyance. getting bored and coming back to them. starting a project with passion and joy and having it drained out of you as you realise you idealised it – that the real work comes from the effort, from putting in a step each time.

you know, before i wrote that sentence I was gonna just stop writing my book and go work on another thing. go write another plot, as an exercise – a distraction – because putting in the steps is difficult, un-fun, not novel, Boring. I like quiet moments. I don't mind looking out at the hills and hearing birdsong. But my head is never quiet. I forget to put white noise on.

the white noise is on now, btw. it feels like a little bit of my mind is taken up by it – and in that weird up way that ADHD works, that means there's more of me. ain't that fucked? the more of my brain there is, the less of me there is. if I was to invoke the ghost of Freud (because it's inherently an aesthetic, even if pseudoscientific) it's like my little gremlin Id has the reins 24/7, and my ego is barely flickering to pull through.

but i barely had an ego, as a kid. i was Gifted And Talented. you know what that means? it means you get rewards thrown at you for nothing.

(i've wrote a lot haven't i. i added a note to the top to respect people's time. it was reflexive; instinctual. it's not like people can't just skip this huh?)

when i was young i did a maths challenge. out of all the kids in the UK I came in the top 40! we went to a fancy event in Oxford. everybody else was a year older than me.

i should be proud of that, shouldn't i? i think i am. but the memory i have of that is that i learned a really cool card game – and i watched a film about how Fermat's Last Theorem was solved. seeing the utter dedication it took to do that made me realise I didn't want to do maths. (sorry mathematicians. i was young.)

i think I do physics because… I find it cool, sure. But I want to be able to help people. I don't want to be a cog in a capitalist machine, but a raindrop in a sea of hope: sure, I won't fix the climate, but I'll do what I can to help out.

My, having the white noise on is great. I was about to write about how pathetic of a kid I was or something. How – having no ego, wanting to please, I picked STEM, for the certainty. After all, essays have no easy answers. You can't put them in a calculator. But as I grew – and believe me, I spend many years in Uni making my own fancy physics calculator – I begun to slowly realise that just maybe: there is no clean answer. You can't hide behind a calculator forever.

I want to hug myself as a kid and tell her she'll be okay: she can put in the effort. But that kid's me, when you strip back the extra layers of a couple years. So really, in writing all of this, I'm telling myself: I love you, and I want you to put more effort in.

I spend days pitying myself. What I really pity is the fact that for a trick of some dopamine chemicals I would be able to do great things – I have potential, and because ADHD is invisible, I feel frustrated not meeting the potential. What I pity is the cycle: that I can go to pains to know all of this, but in the morning it will be gone, and I will have breakfast and refresh the App on loop again.

So I'm going to love myself a little more, I think. It's 10:30pm. I can make a cup of tea and read some more LOTR. The next chapter is "Farewell to Lórien".

One of the cool things about joining Tumblr is that as of late a general vibe has grown of: "you get the poem here." I don't need to make things explicit. I like that. My anxiety is such that I Want to explain everything for you, dear reader, and I will rewrite every email three times to make it clearer.

But I'm not writing for you. I'm writing for me.

I'm going to print this post out – for Morning Mia to read – and then, cup of tea later, I think I'm ready to leave Lothlórien.

[yostresswritinggirl]

It is time. This took a while but I figured I should give you guys the closure you've wanted, even tho uh it's not really a closure lmaooo. Here's the first part for the new readers!

Xiao's Personal "Chef" Travel Edition

Xiao with a Reader who is not only his Personal Chef but assistant, adventuring together

General/Preparation

A visionless chef with an adeptus by their side, going in a routeless journey together to savor the world that had once been pulled away from their grasps.

It must be the cause of the recent ressurection and defeat of the Lord of Vortex, immobilizing him once more for thousands of years. And in the window time, there would be less worries for the Qixing and Liyue Adepti to worry about. Think of it as a day-off for the Adepti, and a vacation for you.

While you carry with you no traces of elemental blessings and an enthusiasm for swordplay, the blessed Sigil of Permission given to you by your adeptus (whom claimed it was created by Rex Lapis himself before his untimely death) grants you a special connection with Xiao.

Sadly a vacation from Liyue does not mean a break from the constant voices of demons within Xiao's mind. And you've prepared him the medicine necessary to soothe his mind even if temporary, three bottles to be exact, all of which can last him several months.

He looks at you with confusion and silent question, of which you waved away because you had prepared this batch in your room in the Inn to make sure he doesn't run out of stock.

He doesn't tell you this but lately the voices had been not intrusive while he gets distracted by your presence. Like a soothing balm, to numb the effects of the pain. It's still there but not as annoying.

Your adventure or journey usually lingers around Liyue for the first parts of it, looking around the nation to enjoy the sceneries without thinking about errands or protecting the villages from impending doom.

Xiao already uh announced his indefinite leave to the other adepti beforehand, but well, when you wanted to visit their domains, which you countered was PERFECTLY safe (almighty Sigil of Permission has lots of perks) it was a very awkward time for him upon meeting them again. It was inevitable because of the energy the sensed from Xiao and your Sigil.

"Hello again, Guardian Yaksha, were you not on leave?" "Y-Yeah... we're just... passing through"

Field trip with the Adepti!!!! Moon Carver and Mountain Shaper brought you around their domains as if to test you, like Ganyu's trials, while also flexing their achievements and who has the best domain. Humans are rare, but you are a mortal who carries the last blessed Sigil and you're tamed in the ways of the adepti because of your exposure to Xiao.

Cloud Retainer not only teaches you the glory of gliding, but she also has cute and embarrassing stories of Xiao from way back! Xiao is in the background trying not to scream or rage at the ensemble in front of him-

"He really likes collecting Qingxin flowers, always bringing one whenever he comes back from his exterminations. He even offers one to Morax everytime." "Yes, yes, such flowers grow common before, right?" "Wha- (Y/N), what do you think you're writing down in that book?!"

"The devoted that carries the last essence of Morax's powers. We've heard much about you from your adeptus, it is relieving to finally put a face to your name. Tell us, child, what is it that you seek in our domain?"

They pretty much just outted that Xiao talks about you to the others, and he- he's just so done. He's either going to hide, leave the area or pull you out of the conversation before someone *coughCloudRetainercough* starts embarrassing him in front of you.

Once you've gotten the supplies you wanted to collect from Liyue's wild lands, like flowers or ores, your little party will start going further away from the familiar nation.

Comfort on the Streets

Being the chef in the party, a lot of the time, resource collection stops you short from travelling despite the many prepped ingredients you had carried with you. There's a lot of things laying around and you just couldn't let such opportunities go. Your adoptive mother Verr had taught you to indulge in your curiousities, as a mother, as a traveler, and as a cook.

Xiao takes the brute force, the frontline of being the tank and general fighter of your band. He indulges himself with unhinged strength so long as he was sure that you were perfectly safe from his own barrage of offense. You think in the back of your mind that he's enjoying the exterminations but in his mind he indulges himself with your cheers and praises after fending off some pesky slimes that strayed too close to your temporary camp.

Xiao does not need rest and barely breaks a sweat but you're quite fragile of a human being, you still need rest and consumables, things that you had the luxury of despite working in the Inn. Here you were alone to carry your own weight and care for yourself. You look up from the boiling pot that was settled over the bright campfire to see Xiao's figure coming into view, a freshly killed boar in hand as some kind of offering for your sacred stomach.

You guess now the caring isn't one-sided.

When taking things into careful detail that requires precision and undivided attention, it seems the voices of the demons and revelled gods in the depths of his mind disappears, more so under the presence of you.

So it was the perfect opportunity now that no other errands hold you back, to teach Xiao how to make the infamous Almond Tofu.

When you teach him survival he takes into consideration everything despite the bored/blank face he dons.

Oh but he still prefers your way of cooking, he can never get the same soft texture of the jelly that you easily make.

Xiao doesn't really need to eat but he's glad to be your taste-tester for the new dishes you cook from the random, probably edible, ingredients you find here and then.

The stew continued to boil with bubbles popping despite the fire under it extinguished for a while now. It was an unnamed soup you concocted from the various seafood you've gotten from the ocean paired with the meat the adeptus hunted.

It was delicious. Despite being a palette he was not used to, it was something he can stomach. And despite the different meat mixed in, the flavours didn't clash like he thought it would but instead blended the tastes quite well. Xiao hums as he sips the soup politely, tilting the bowl as he gulps down.

"It is manageable, despite your first try, I can see this being sold in one of the restaurants in Liyue Harbour-" he turns to you as he proceeds to hold out his bowl for seconds when he stopped in his tracks, eyes slightly widening a crack at the sight of tears free falling off your chin.

The spoon on your hand was slack, eyes distant yet dilated as you silently cried. When you felt the glove of his hand cup your cheek, tilting your head to make you face him, your expression cracked to that of grief melded with forced laughter. "It's... it's just like what mum used to make." You sob, and his hand wavered from its touch.

Travelling reopened old wounds. For you and for him.

Xiao doesn't NEED sleep nor does he WANT it, despite the many times you had caught him dozing off in the middle of the day during your work at the Inn. Such occasions usually meant that there was an event that needed his aid the night prior.

Your guardian yaksha usually stays up to keep watch and when you wake up, you would find him spaced out or in the brink of passing out, desperately holding himself together

But there are other times when he feels more restless and not content with just standing guard to make sure you are protected—

Those moments are when you are held in his arms, him resting against a tree and you resting against his lean chest, travel blanket laid over the both of you. When the terrain allows it, the sleeping bag would be under your bottom and legs for extra comfort.

When you can't rest, he whips out his flute to play you a soft tune hoping to lull you to sleep. If he sinks into the comfort of the mood, he'll continue playing much softer to prevent waking you up so early

But the guardian yaksha can buckle at the temptation of comfort, a humanistic desire fuelled by the assurance that in his arms you are absolutely safe-

And you two lay under the stars in peaceful slumber. Good night~

Combat-side of Travelling

Kicking the bottom shaft of the jade spear, Xiao swiftly catches it with his other hand, a small smile aimed for himself at the expert action before he raises his eyes back at you where you lay splayed on the floor. Drenched in your own sweat and desperately breathing. A long, wooden stick discarded by your side.

You pried your eyes open when the rays of the sun suddenly stopped invading through your thin eyelids, the shadow of the Yaksha looming over your form with a rare triumphant smirk. "Yeah, yeah, I know what you're gonna say-"

"I told you so."

"Oh hush you!"

His soft laugh was melodic and it made you break a smile despite the exhaustion.

We've already established beforehand that Xiao is your main dps here and you're just support/utility. But you've expressed your desire to AT LEAST pick up some weight, asking the man to help you hone your weapon proficiency, even if you knew he'd decli-

He accepts. Oh. But it's not about swords sadly, it's for polearms. Since it's the weapon he uses, it's the only thing he can teach you.

Will be CONSIDERABLY gentle in training you compared to his massacres, and will be ever so patient so long as progress is made. Surprisingly, Xiao is actually a really good teacher, and you'd find his points to be precise and on the spot.

He'll be there on the side as you try to fight off a hydro slime for the first time, with the aid of your cheap spear you both from the nearest town over. If you get cornered, he'll be there to instantly swoop in. Fortunately you managed, and he gave an approving nod.

Despite his acceptance to teach he's not gonna let you fight actual threats because he doesn't wish to risk your safety. And you're still gonna be a hundred feet away as he does his job

If he ever managed to hurt you himself, it's... it's not gonna be good, not good at all for the both of you... luckily that hasn't happened! Uh, yet lol

Just admire him from afar, he looks pretty anyways, although the black particles that seem to surround him before the end of the fight

But he'll always come back to you, with a slight limp you always notice despite his attempts to hide, and you'll be there to heal him up

Like a knight to his princess? Or healer, more so

And the process rinses and repeats at your generally peaceful trip

"Oh, oh, I see it! Uuup there!"

His honey amber eyes follow where your fingers point, high and up against the cliff until he sees the glimpse of the swaying violetgrass. No orders needed to tell him what the objective is, but as you place your hand on his elbow when he was about to leap, you had different plans.

"Woohoo!" Please be careful, he shouts in his head as you rode the tides of his Anemo currents, gliding over to where the violetgrass awaits for your plucking hands. When the glider retracts as you grip the cliff face, you broke the stem of the flora. A eureka in your voice as you held it up like a treasure before pushing yourself off the cliffside.

The wind on your back was not harsh, carefully constructed and maneuvered as you seemingly float down into the arms of the awaiting Yaksha, as per routine of your retrieval, "Thank you!"

"Is it in good condition?" It didn't bother you that he has yet to put you down, nodding with a grin as you gently waved the perfectly grown violetgrass in your hand. Satisfied, he turns around to go back to your route when

golden, brown and white silhouettes entered your peripherals among the turn.

"Eh?"

"Ah?"

"Traveler, Paimon and Zhongli?"

"Well, it is the most intriguing that we meet again this far out and in such a circumstance, Xiao and (Y/N)."

Party gained 2 ½ members!

I noticed upon writing that after you started travelling with Xiao, the formality in your tone of speaking started to dissipate. Easing into the comforts of your relationship with him, Xiao is relieved.

@kookieyachi @moaa @dandelion-dreams @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @witchsungie

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VII/VII)

"apart"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

George Weasley: @meph1stophelian

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language (?) Angst

A/N: P L E A S E DON'T MURDER ME YET THERE'S AN EPILOGUE OKAY?! OKAY now enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part VI: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Since the Amortentia incident, Y/n had barely looked at me; not in the way I had avoided her after New Year, though, this time, it was different. She didn't seem to be doing it accidentally, rather than on purpose; she appeared to be too lost into her turmoil of thoughts to realise what she was doing, which scared me more.

I had figured the Amortentia would have had something to do with it, but it took me two days to pick up on it.

Undoubtedly, Y/n had smelled Fred's scent on it, and it dawned on her how twisted what we were doing was.

I cried myself to sleep the night that my mind stumbled upon that information. I let myself sob violently, pouring out as much pain as I could, wanting to wash away the recurrent thoughts that creeped on my mind, thoughts that were not unfounded.

That was it— I had lost both a friend and the woman I loved.

Once the tears seem to die out, a new thought appeared in my mind; maybe I was meant to be alone. I could barely function alone, how was I supposed to function with another person?

Perhaps I had always be meant to be alone.

I was going to be alone forever.

I was alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

It took my careless arse a hot minute to be aware of how obvious my emotional rollercoaster was from the outside; George had been getting visibly upset by it —I'd dare to reckon he even cried the past night because of it—, and I had to stop that, but how?

I knew it was always best to tell the truth, but where would that take us? Nowhere good. I couldn't just tell George I was in love with him and expect us not to fall apart even harder.

He would think I'm lying, or that I'm using him as a second option —I couldn't let him think that—, but again, his mind had probably gone to those thoughts due to my radio silence.

I had to tell him the truth, and face the consequences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of our front door's lock opening snapped me out of my own mind, and even made me jump a bit in the couch I sat. I had been waiting for George to arrive for a good couple of hours, weighing on how I could approach the topic, but I didn't seem to come up with anything remotely good.

He stepped into the flat with his eyes casted down, so it took him a moment to acknowledge my presence. "I—" his now dull eyes observed me with confusion, as if he wasn't expecting to see me in my own flat. "what are you doing awake?"

"Waiting for you." He closed the door, scrutinising me with furrowed brows. "I— well—" I cleared my throat and got up, causing his shoulders to tense up. "I wanted to tell you something."

I thought I would have to fight his childish behavior and convince him not to dodge the subject, but he only leaned on the door, his hands behind his back and his eyes casted down. "I... I wanted to tell you something too."

"You go first." I prompted him, planning on using those extra seconds to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to say —as if I hadn't been trying to mentally prepare myself for two hours already.

He peeked at me and sighed, his eyes coming back to his shoes before speaking. "I don't know how to say this— I" he pursed his lips and I could see the struggle irradiating from him. "I think you should move out." Now I knew why he refused to meet my gaze. "We— we need time away y'know— Fleur offered to help you look for an apartment. I'll go back to the Burrow until you find one— and I'm not firing you but I would appreciate if you didn't attend the clients if I'm there."

I should have spoken first, I scolded myself.

"Why?"

"What why?"

"Why you should've spoken first?"

"I— well, so you see," I tugged on my sleeves; it was my turn to avoid his look. "W-when I spilled the Amortentia— well I— I smelled—"

"I know."

"You... Do?"

"Yeah, that's... That's why I think we need some time away."

I had never in my life had my heart shattered in so many pieces in such a short span of time. The pain was so immense that I wasn't able to shed a single tear. Out of every outcome, this was the least expected.

"O-okay." We kept sneaking glances at each other in a dreadful silence until our eyes accidentally met. "I think—"

"I should—"

Another best of silence fell among us after we simultaneously spoke.

"I should go pick some things up." He muttered, passing by my side as fast as he could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I caught him, as I expected, sneaking out of the flat with one of the bags he had carried in months ago.

He was already exiting when I jogged out of my room, managing to catch his hand.

I could see the goosebumps in his arm, and I thanked Merlin he couldn't hear my heart threatening to leaving my chest to go with him.

"I'm really sorry, George." I whispered, squeezing his hand. Although I had a tiny bit of hope that he would change his mind and step back into our home if I said those words, it was more of a goodbye.

He just shook his head, letting me know there was no need for an apology, and squeezed my hand back before pulling away.

His fingers slipping away from mines was such an emptying feeling, as if my connection with him slept away from my grasp forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to sleep that night hoping George's parting would have been a nightmare, and I cried the morning after when my brain took in that it was, in fact, very much real.

A heavily pregnant Fleur showed up that afternoon; she made me dinner and tried to cheer me up a little before making me get dressed so she could drag me out to look for flats in the Diagon Alley. It was an unsuccessful trip, but the Triwizard Tournament Champion wasn't about to give up so easily, so she came the next day, and the following, and on and on for a week.

As if summoned by the woman's will to find me a new home, we found a cheap, acceptable apartment near the shop.

I purchased it instantly, and soon enough I was moving out my things with Bill's help, to stop his wife from helping me herself.

"That's the last one, right?" Bill questioned, nodding at the bag laying on the couch with a box in his hands.

"Yup." I pulled it up and hung it on my shoulder.

"Need anything else?" I shook my head no. "Alright then I'll leave this at your place and apparate back home." He hesitated for a moment before adding, "I know it's none of my business but... Whatever happened between you two— it's fixable, believe me."

"I really don't think so." I muttered, gripping the bag's strap.

"It is," he repeated, adjusting the box in his arms. "just don't give up." He gave me a small, reassuring smile and disapparated.

Maybe he was right, maybe it was fixable. Taking a look around the now emptier apartment, I thought it surely didn't seem like it, but hope is the last thing you lose, right?

In a final attempt of getting him back, I grabbed a notebook from the bag and teared a page off it; I left the bag besides me as I knelt down and reached for a pencil forgotten over the coffee table.

Three Days Later

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I entered the apartment— it was quiet, similar to a cemetery, just like the first time I stepped on the apartment after the war.

This time, it was empty, though.

Y/n didn't rush to the door when I opened it.

She didn't catch me when I fell on my knees and broke down to tears.

I was alone.

After Godric knows how long I managed to get myself back to my feet. I passed Y/n's old room as fast as I had first passed Fred's room months ago.

Once I got to my room and lay down on my bed, my mind cleared up enough for me to realise that I would be seeing Y/n the next day —at least once— at the shop.

"Fuck." I muttered, burying my face on my pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

He had asked me not to leave the office while he was in the shop.

He had explicitly asked me not to, but I needed to know if he had read my letter— no, I need to know if I had taken a step in the right direction by writing the letter.

So there I was, descending the stairs in his direction, and taking my time to do so since he was talking with a couple of clients.

"Y/n!" Verity rushed to me with what seemed a defective portable swamp. "I need your help with this," My eyes, still on George, caught the way his head snapped in my direction with sheer fear on it. "I've got a woman there threatening with suing us because the swamp send one of her children to St. Mungo!" The girl managed to get my attention with her anxious rambling.

"She can't do that." George, who had probably caught on Verity's words, spoke before I could. "She agreed on our shop policy." He reminded her, walking to stand by my side.

"I already told her that Mister Weasley, but she said she's 'not taking the words of a pipsqueak'." She replied in a whisper.

"She said what?" George questioned in disbelief.

"I'm gonna shove that lawsuit up her arse." I spoke, spotting the completely out of place middle aged woman who stood in front of Verity's till. "Send her to the office." Verity looked at me and then at George for confirmation, who simply gave her a nod.

Once Verity left, I turned to the ginger, whose warm eyes were already fixed on me. "How are you?" He inquired in a way that let me see it was out of politeness, which made my hopes die a little.

"Been better." I replied, ready to somehow test the waters. "How about you?"

"Same, I suppose." George didn't even try to put on a happy face, and I started to get anxious; there was no way he would have missed the note —I left it on the kitchen table— so that meant he had read it and- "You should go back to the office."

My heart attempted to hold onto the possibility of him not having read the note, but my brain knew better than that. "Alright." I nodded and went back to my workplace; I would deal with that woman and after that, I would prepare a resignation letter.

George was right, we needed to be apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't that bad, I lied to myself, sitting down on the sofa while undoing the tie's knot.

My mind was about to begin the overthinking of Y/n's words when my stomach growled. Without noticing, I had gone without a single meal for the entire day.

I listened to my body and moved to the kitchen to prepare myself something. While the stove heated up, I turned around and took a look at the kitchen; just like the rest of the rooms, it seemed gloomier without Y/n lighting up the apartment.

Stop thinking about her.

My eyes landed on a piece of paper with one of Y/n's rings over it. Before properly realising it, I was sitting down on one of the chairs and reading what had been written in the scrapped page.

Dear George,

I know what happened is on both of us, but I can't help but blame myself, as selfish as it might sound.

You don't know this, but while at Hogwarts, I found you and Fred rather annoying— I didn't understand why everyone seemed to fancy you so much. Then, you hired me to work in this amazing shop, and I understood.

During these past two years I had the pleasure and honour to call you my friend; you made my life much better, I'd like to think I did the same.

I wanted to apologise for everything I've done since New Year. I'm so very sorry for falling in love with you. Though it was something so easy to happen, I never thought it would go this far.

I don't know what is this letter (a proper goodbye? I don't know), but I want need you to know that I never wanted to harm you nor our friendship, and that I'm still going to be here for you, feelings aside.

Love,

Y/n.

I re-read the fourth paragraph at least five times before taking it in.

She had fallen in love with me.

That's what she had meant to say when she spoke to me about the Amortentia— that she had smelled my scent— Oh no.

My reply— she probably thought it was unrequited; she probably thought I had kicked her out because she was in love with me and not quite the opposite.

Without thinking twice, I ran down to the office with the letter clutched in my hand; she had to be there, she was always the last one to leave.

She had to be there.

I was so focused on reaching the office on time that I missed Y/b's figure exiting the shop.

I slammed the door open, just to find the table's surface, which used to be full of Y/n's things, clean in its entirety, aside from an envelope which had written on it 'resignation'.

"No."

READER'S P. O. V.

I had just left the small box with my things over the coffee table, and was taking off my shoes when an apparition noise followed by a couple of bangs on my front door made me jolt.

Out of a sad habit I, among the rest of the Order, had gotten during the war, I grabbed my wand and approached the door.

My arm fell limply on my side while I stared into George's eyes, which seemed to hold back a storm of mixed emotions.

"C-can we talk?" My gaze then fell on the paper his hand was gripping, and that I assumed was my resignation.

"George, listen, I can't—"

"I'm in love with you."

Words had stumbled out of his mouth in panic, and the only thing I could reply was, "What?"

[drukhari]

hey tristan,

not too get too deep on your tumblr but... idk been feeling weird lately. i've been kinda taking this little break from everything, and i'm back home (altho it's not always chill time with family and all) but idk... i know there's no rush to figure out what you wanna do in life and all, and that it doesn't even have to be this one thing, it can be multiple things too and there's also no need for a ''one purpose'' kind of thing, that you can literally just be and that's it but its just... idk it's been about a year since i've been back home and i know i wanna move abroad but i dont really know what to do, like at all. Like i'm not spiralling or anything but it's just a feeling that's been at the back of my mind for a while now and it's still there, and idk i had kinda hoped that taking a break from everything would help get that energy and ''passion'' (for lack of better word) back, but not really. Mental health wise, it's been a great time to sit back but life wise, next steps-wise and all that, i feel like i'm still in the same place and still don't know what i should do next. i go on linkedin and i start looking at jobs and i have no idea what im looking for

anyways, what do you do when you feel like this? lowkey wanna do buzzfeed test that will tell me what i should next based on my favourite ways to eat pasta or something

That one's tough anon, not gonna lie. I used to feel that way a lot when I was in college and it used to keep me up at night sometimes because it seemed like everyone else had found that "thing" that they wanted for their lives and they at least had somewhat of an idea how to start proceeding in that direction, but in my case it felt like I had too many things I'd be just "fine" doing and nothing that I was really pulled towards. I was changing majors all the time and generally just felt like I was untethered from anything concrete in terms of planning a future.

And like you mentioned, you can absolutely know that some people dont have just 1 thing they do over the course of their life and that its completely ok not to know what you want...but knowing those things and really being able to internalize and feel them for yourself is a whole other ball game.

The feeling ultimately ended up going away on its own eventually, after a lot of time spent just burying myself in my hobbies, my connections with other people around me, the parts of my jobs that I didn't hate and just generally learning to appreciate the experience of living a life that didn't revolve around finding and advancing in a career.

Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to advance in a job that you enjoy, sometimes advancement at a job isn't about the material/ego based aspects of climbing the ladder so much as it's about getting to work on cooler stuff (which is the case in my job).

It was like I was too busy doing other things to realize that I couldn't pin down a 5 year plan for the life of me if asked, until one day I woke up and realized I still didn't have a 5 year plan beyond "keep learning and doing more things that interest me, keep enjoying the life I live as much as I can, and fuck anyone who says I should feel bad for not having more than that figured out".

You mentioned you took some time away just to sort of re-center yourself and that's great tbh. It may not feel like it yet but that time away may have some hidden lessons to it that you're not even aware of yet that will help lead you to the next step, or maybe it'll hit you out of nowhere like some kind of Jimmy Neutron Brain Blast-esque moment, but focusing on just enjoying each day, chasing your interests wherever they lead you (within reason, ofc) and being on the lookout for new experiences to try are all things that eventually helped me to get to that point, so maybe they'll be of some help to you along the way too.