#because i want everyone there to go back to medical school
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transcendragon · 15 hours ago
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“I’ve been waiting for you.” The man greeted me at his office. He nodded to his secretary, who hadn’t even checked me for weapons before leading me to the man. “Please, give us some privacy.”
“Of course, sir!” The man gave a little bow, sent one more curious look my way, and then left.
I was alone with the man who killed my family. The man who tied me up and left me to watch as he killed my parents and two older siblings. The one with raging fires of anger in his eyes, who spat at me that he only spared me because his job was to kill everyone in the house older than 10. 
Except that fire wasn’t there anymore. There was only a look of sadness in his eyes, a gaze pale and watery with age. His face was covered in wrinkles, lines of laughter and pain, and unrecognizable from the man I had known. It was only the distinctive curl of scar by his left ear that let me be sure I had the right man.
“You took a long time to find.”
After years of training, I went to track down the mercenary only to find he’d vanished without a trace. It took decades more of careful searching, record hunting, following leads, and subtle investigation to find where he’d disappeared to. He’d changed his names and all his records, paying a fortune to disappear to… here.
Here: this small mountain village was hidden away from the world, only getting modern infrastructure in the past few decades.
“Anyone in the village could have told you where I was, if you gave them a description of my scar.” He gestured up to himself. His face grew grim. “But I suppose you mean finding this village.”
He was well known here. The charity he ran founded the school and still provided half of the village’s food and medical care. Everyone knew him. Everyone loved him.
“Why?” I demanded. “Why come here? What’s the point? Were you hiding from me?”
“Not you, specifically.” His eyes searched my face, a strange look of concern falling over him. “I have many other enemies. I’d earned them, reckless and angry as I had been. If I wanted a chance at a more peaceful life, hiding was the only way.”
“Why?” I slammed my knife down on the table in frustration. He didn’t seem to be interested in fighting back, and I knew I could take the old fool. “After so many deaths, killing my entire family, why look for peace? How could you possibly deserve peace?”
The man flinched and looked away. “I know I did not. I could not. I had let myself be turned into a monster, killing for money and a shallow sense of power. It was only after I took out a young man who turned out to be my own nephew, of my estranged sister, that I finally saw what I was.”
“You are a monster.” I felt my own lip curl. “If you were  going to have this revelation, why couldn’t you have had it before my family was murdered? If it weren’t for you, they’d still be alive!”
He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I considered killing myself, when I realized the truth. My sister found me, and she spat on me and slapped me. She told me death was too good for me, and I realized she was right.”
He looked up, meeting my eyes steadily once more. “All I could do was live a life that tried to make up for the harm I’d done. To live in peace and try to save lives rather than end them, and hope it would be enough.”
“Was it?” I demanded. I was still angry. Even more angry, now, because I knew there was no satisfaction for me. “You could save a million lives and my family would still be dead. You’d still have their blood on your hands.”
“I know. I know now that the scales do not balance, and life cannot wash away death.” He raised his head. “But I would do nothing differently. Death cannot wash away life, either, and every life I have helped has given me meaning that cannot be touched by my past, even as it cannot touch my past.”
“I am your past,” I growled. “I’m here. What am I supposed to do with do all your philosophy?”
“What you need to do, to find your own peace.” He reached to a pull open a drawer of his desk, and in an instant the knife I’d buried into the desk was in my hand. He stilled.
“It is only a bottle of medication,” he said. “Enough to kill me. I will take it at your knifepoint and give you your revenge. I simply ask you to take the bottle with you and leave. It will look like I died of natural causes, and my people will be spared the grief of a violent death.”
“Maybe I want your people to grieve violence. Maybe I want the whole world to feel the same as I felt on the night you killed my parents and siblings.”
He did not look away from me. His old, watery eyes were steady.
“I can’t make that choice for you. I can only tell you that it will hurt people who don’t deserve it, and you will never be able to take that hurt back.”
“You would know.”
“I would.”
I stared at him a moment, this barely recognizable man. I hated him. I hated so much that the man I wanted to kill was gone. I hated that my family was gone.
“My brother’s birthday was yesterday.”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head to expose his throat. “I am sorry.”
“My parents never got to see me grow up because of you.”
“I know, and nothing I can do will change that,” he said, “not even dying.”
I pressed the point of my dagger against his throat just deep enough to draw a trickle of blood. He swallowed, and I watched the muscles of his throat work. My vision blurred.
“My family never got to grow old, but you did.” I took a shaky breath in. “And nothing I can do will change that.”
I pulled away my knife and he opened his eyes. The cut on his throat was tiny, barely visible.
“Do you still want me to swallow the pills that will kill me?” He asked, his tone as neutral as if he had asked about the weather yesterday.
“I don’t care what you do. I never want to hear and single thing about you again. Not one.”
He nodded gravely. “Then you should leave here. I hope you find a very good life full of blessings.”
“I hate you and I don’t forgive you,” I said. I scrubbed at my eyes, hating to cry in front of this man. “What you did will always hurt me. I just don’t see the point in killing you anymore.”
“I am so, so sorry,” he said again.
“Shut up. I don’t care.”
I turned and fled the office, barely remembering to sheath my knife in time. I left out the back, and didn’t stop walking until I was alone in a back alley.
I looked up at the sliver of sky between the two buildings, painfully bright as tears ran down my face. The only thing left to me was what I’d been avoiding for years: living my own life.
No life I lived could bring back my family. But maybe that old bastard was right, and there could be meaning in a new life, a new family, even if it could never replace the old.
I left that mountain town and never came back.
When you were a child, a mercenary made you watch as he killed your entire family in front of you. You swore revenge. Decades later, you've finally tracked them down- …only to find they're now a pacifistic geriatric who's beloved by his community.
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mayrose713 · 2 days ago
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Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 12
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Series Masterlist | Previous | Next
ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI
Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed
Chapter 12
Y/n sits, bouncing her leg as she waits with the pack at the table for her brother.
“Kitten.” Minho places his hand on her bouncing leg, having chosen to sit next to her to make sure she ate during dinner and whispers. “What’s wrong?”
She looks up at him. “Just a bit anxious.”
“Did you take your meds today?” She nods a yes at his question causing him to sigh. “Everything will be okay, it’s just your brother. He wouldn’t tell the rest of your family about meeting up with you, right?”
“No, he wouldn’t.” She relaxes a little. “He doesn’t talk to them anymore but just makes me wary.” 
“Everything will be okay.” The alpha reassures her. “We’re all here with you.”
“Y/n.” A tall beta walks up and her eyes brighten.
“Hyuk.” She stands up to hug him and he holds her tight against him for a moment before she lets go.
“It’s good to see you again.” He looks her over. “You’ve been okay?”
“Perfect.” She smiles before turning towards the table. “Everyone, this is my older brother Minhyuk.” She then starts pointing around the table. “Hyuk, this is our pack alpha Chan, our head alpha Changbin, the second oldest alpha Minho, and our youngest alpha Jeongin. Then our head beta Hyunjin, youngest beta Seungmin, and our two omega like betas Jisung and Felix.”
“It’s nice to meet you Minhyuk.” Chan stands to greet him.
“You too, thank you for taking care of my little sister.” The beta bows his head.
“Of course, after we had found her, all we’ve wanted to do was help.” Felix smiles watching as Y/n takes her seat back next to Minho and her brother takes the seat next to her. “Even before we knew she was our fated mate we knew we’d do anything for her.”
“I appreciate it. Not a lot of people would do that, especially for an omega.” He smiles down at his sister. “I’m just glad she’s finally free now.”
Minhyuk watches as Y/n looks over the menu with Minho. “You’ll like this.” The alpha points to something on the menu. “It’s similar to those noodles I made the other day you liked.”
She nods her head but looking at the picture she worries as it looks like a big serving and she knows she won’t be able to eat all of it.
“Do you wanna share Y/nnie?” Felix noticed her look of uncertainty, as he doesn’t like to eat much so he knew this was the best option for both of them. “It’s a lot of food and I know I won’t eat it all.” 
She nods, grateful for his offer before she moves to stand up. “Gotta go to the restroom real quick.” 
They all watch her walk away from the table, but Changbin watches until she disappears behind the door having a clear view of the bathrooms from where he sits and continues glancing over waiting for her to come out. 
“She’s anxious.” Minhyuk points out after she was gone. 
“Has she always dealt with anxiety?” Jisung asks, wanting to find out more about their new mate. 
The beta nods sadly. “Yeah, it probably started when she was about eight. Was bullied at school which caused a lot of anxiety and insecurities. Our family didn’t help either.”
“We’re having her see a therapist and psychologist.” Changbin tells him. “They’ve already put her on medication for her anxiety and are thinking about antidepressants too.” 
Her brother sighs in relief at this. “That’s good, I’ve been saying she needed help with it for years but our family would blow it off saying she has no reason to be anxious or depressed.” 
Seungmin scoffs. “Because they didn’t want to realize they were the cause of it.” He meant for his comment to be more to himself but everyone else heard. 
“So she’s told you guys a bit about how our family treated her?” 
“Yeah.” Jeongin nods sadly. 
“Before she comes back I want to warn you guys about some of her tendencies.” Minhyuk looks around to make sure they’re all listening, which they are. “I don’t know how much you guys have experienced yet but I want to explain in case you have so you can understand why and to warn you of things she tends to do.”
“She doesn’t like to voice her feelings. Will bottle them up instead of talk until she blows and has a breakdown. Our family used to make it seem like her feelings weren’t valid. If you notice she’s bottling stuff up just push her a bit, she’ll give in and talk. And at times she can also go nonverbal. Sometimes it’s just because she’s been very social all day that by the end of it she’s worn out and just doesn’t want to communicate anymore. But other times it can be because she’s in her head about things. It could be because something was said to cause her to overthink or just her brain being cruel to her.”
“I personally think the reason for it is because she would get purposely ignored as a kid if she’s been overly talkative and as punishments. So she feels she just needs to silence herself either to punish herself or because she thinks she’s being too much. Just be patient with her. She’ll still communicate when directly spoken too either through hand motions or by writing or texting someone. She’ll usually pick someone to be the main person to communicate to, have them read what she writes. When it was her friend group she always just picked whoever she felt the closest to that day.”
The younger four just look at Minhyuk, sad to hear that their omega feels she has to do things like that. The older four are pissed that she went through that, all of them wanting to change her mindset from here on out for the better. 
Y/n walks back over, noting that Changbin watched her the entire time until she was settled back in her seat between her brother and Minho. She also notices how heavy the air is as they all look at her with different expressions between pity, sadness and protectiveness. 
She turns to her brother. “What did you tell them?” 
“Nothing they shouldn’t be aware of.” 
The omega eyes her older brother before Hyunjin speaks up. “He just wanted to help us understand some stuff, nothing bad, princess.”
“Okay.” She sighs, trusting her brother and her pack. 
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆
“Do you want a brownie baby?” Jisung asks, grabbing the container of Felix’s homemade brownies he made the day before. 
“You barely even ate your dinner, Ji.” Minho remarks. “And you still need to pack for Jeju island. You don’t get dessert until after that.”
“Hyung.” Jisung pouts as the alpha takes the container from him. “It’s gonna take forever to pack, then it’ll be too late to eat one.”
“Go.” Minho shoos him off before getting two brownies out and giving them to the omegas sitting at the counter. 
“Thanks Min.” Felix beams, taking a bite of his. 
“Have you already packed, pretty girl?” Changbin leans on the counter next to Y/n.
“Yup, packed everything I thought I’d need.” 
“Did you pack your swimsuit?” Felix asks, still chewing his brownie. “We plan to spend a day at the beach.”
She frowns. “I don’t have one.” 
“You guys didn’t make sure she bought a swimsuit when you took her shopping?” Changbin looks at Hyunjin and Jeongin. 
“We didn’t really think about that.” The youngest alpha shrugs. “We were more just thinking of normal everyday clothes she needed.”
“It’s fine.” Chan steps in reassuring everyone. “We’ll just get her a few at one of the shops on the island.” 
“What time are we leaving in the morning?” Hyunjin asks while grabbing a drink from the fridge. 
“I want to be out of the house by seven.” Minho finishes cleaning up a few things that were left out in the kitchen.
“That’s so early.” Hyunjin whines, grabbing himself a brownie and looks at Y/n confused as she still hasn’t eaten hers. 
She’s playing with the paper towel it’s on as if trying to hide it from the eyes of the others and realized why. He quietly grabs a second brownie without anyone seeing before moving over to her, placing it on her first one, helping her hide it in the paper towel. 
“Go.” He whispers in her ear and helps her slide off the chair hiding the brownies. 
“I think I’m gonna call it early and head upstairs.” Y/n announces.
“Alright, goodnight baby girl.” Chan moves to her and kisses the top of her head. 
Everyone else tells her goodnight as she heads upstairs and Hyunjin takes her seat at the counter to eat his brownie next to Felix who is smirking at him. “What?”
“Nothing.” The younger one shakes his head still smiling having seen the entire interaction between him and the omega.
Y/n walks upstairs going straight for Jisungs door and knocks. 
“Yeah?” 
She opens the door and peeks her head in “I brought you something.” 
He smiles motioning for her to come in and she opens the paper towel handing him the top brownie.
“You are an Angel.” He hugs her before taking a bite of his delicious treat and drags her to sit on the floor with him as he packs his bag and she eats her dessert. 
“Do you always procrastinate packing?” She watches him figure out a good way to fit everything in the suitcase. 
“Not always.”
“Don’t lie to our girl, Ji.” Minho walks in as neither of them had shut the door. “I thought I told you no dessert until you're finished?” He then he looks at the omega. “And I thought you said you were going to bed?”
Y/n blushes at getting caught sneaking the beta dessert. “I’m sorry, I just knew he was wanting one.” 
“Relax baby, he’s not actually mad.” Jisung places a hand on her thigh. “He’s just teasing.” 
She looks up at the alpha and sure enough, he isn’t mad. But he is looking at her as if he feels guilty for making her think she was in trouble. 
“Oh.” She whispers and looks away now embarrassed. 
“I think it was very sweet of you to think of Jisung and bring him up a brownie and to eat with him.” Minho kneels in front of her. 
She just nods her head, accepting his words but doesn’t say anything causing him to sigh. 
“I came in originally to make sure Ji was finished and to drag him to sleep in my room as he doesn’t wake up on time if he’s alone.” He continues to explain as he watches the beta zip up his bag. “Why don’t you join us?” 
“Wha…” Y/n looks at them wide eyed and shocked before she quickly starts shaking her head. “No, no, I-I couldn’t…”
“Kitten.” Minho interrupts her. “Don’t you ever try to finish that sentence. You are a part of this relationship as much as the rest of us. Meaning you’re allowed to sleep in any of our rooms with us. You don’t have to stick strictly to yours.”
“Okay.” She stands up. “Let me go change real quick then.” 
“You don’t have to.” Jisung smirks. “It’s an unspoken rule that if you sleep in one of the alphas beds you sleep either naked or in their clothes.”
“Don’t listen to him.” Minho rolls his eyes. “It’s just something the betas do, you don’t have to follow it. We just want you to be comfortable.”
Y/n nods her head, biting her lip as she thinks it over causing Jisung to smirk even wider. “You wanna wear Min’s shirt, don’t you?”
She blushes not looking at either of them and whispers a maybe. 
The alpha smiles with pride, gently grabbing her hand. “Come on baby.” 
After grabbing Jisungs hand, the alpha takes both of them to his room, then let’s go to look in his closet. He first grabs one of the betas favorite shirts to sleep in, giving it to him to change into. Y/n turns away from Jisung to let him change, she’s sure he’s used to changing in front of Minho and wouldn’t care if she saw but she knew she would jump his bones like she’s been wanting to with all of them if she saw him undress. 
“Which one do you want?” Minho brings her out of her thoughts, holding three shirts up in front of him. 
She contemplates which one as she feels each, deciding on the softest and baggiest shirt of the three and he gives it to her. 
“You can change in the corner Angel, we’ll turn away.” Jisung motions as he climbs into bed now wearing the alpha’s shirt and a pair of sweatpants which she assumes also belongs to Minho. “And you can put your clothes in Min’s hamper to get washed.” 
“No peeking.” Y/n gives both of them a side eye before moving to the corner, looking back at them one last time to make sure they were turned away, which Jisung has already gotten comfortable in bed and is watching Minho in the closet who is grabbing his clothes and changing too.
She quickly changes into just Minho’s shirt and her underwear. The shirt falls about mid thigh, covering everything that needs to be. After placing her dirty clothes into the hamper she turns just as the older male is walking over to the bed in just sweatpants. The omega of course can't help but to ogle at his chiseled torso. 
“You’re staring, kitten.” But to be fair, so is he, loving how his girl looks in just his shirt.
She looks up at his face blushing. “Umm… C-can I ask about the…”
“The scar?” The alpha traces the silver line. “It’s from a medical surgery when I was a baby. It grew as I did. Nothing to worry about now.”
“Are you two just going to eye fuck each other or are you going to finally come to bed?” Jisung whines, causing the two to laugh.
Minho slides in next to his beta and lifts the covers for Y/n to slide in too so that he has both of them curled up on either side of him. She watches Jisung lay his head on their alpha’s chest making her want to as well but is unsure about pushing any boundaries. Before she can chicken out though she’s getting pulled into his side by his strong arm so she’s resting her head on the other side of his chest from Jisung. 
“You never have to worry about cuddling, kitten.”
Jisung looks at her, booping her nose. “Some of them, Min included, might not seem like the type to want to cuddle or have physical affection, but I promise you none of us will ever push you away if you initiate it.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Go to sleep you two, we have an early morning.” Minho kisses both of their heads.
“Night hyung, night angel.”
“Night, Jisungie, night Min.”
“Goodnight, babies.”
______________________________________________________________
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phosphostar · 3 days ago
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Could you make hc for the mouthwashing crew (minus Jdiddy) if they had actually been saved and made it back to earth after the crash? Like what life would be like for them? PLS PLS I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THM😭
LMFAO OF COURSE I CAN!!!!!!
return velocity
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what if the crew (anya, daisuke, curly, swansea) made it back after the events of mouthwashing..?
cw: uhhh none really? except for what’s under the cut! tell me if i missed anything <3
𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞
oh my sweet summer boy.
he made it out with uhm
let’s just say a whole bunch of scars
his mom, was obviously worried. horrified. her baby.. hurt?? because of her? her heart is broken
but daisuke’s like “nono it’s okay!! i got a cool scar to show off to the ladies!!”
she just facepalms
i also hc daisuke never really learned how to drive. was too worried about partying. so swansea had to drive him and anya to their respective houses (i’ll get to why curly wasn’t there in a moment)
his parents meet anya and swansea
they are so happy they met swansea. this man taught our son? he’s gonna do great.
until daisuke goes back to yapping about video games. yeah so great.
they heavily thank anya though, for helping with saving daisuke after climbing into the vent. without her, he would’ve certainly died
basically daisuke finds his purpose (keeping cool in situations and dedicating his life to his friends)
𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐚
my poor baby anya
so we all know she struggled getting into medical school prior to the events in mouthwashing
in my mind daisuke’s parents helped pay for her medical school due to her basically saving his life
she goes to medical school, gets her necessary digress, and works in healthcare!!
ABORTS THE BABY.
SHE DOES NOT KEEP THE BABY.
becomes curly and swansea’s primary healthcare worker because she knew them best
really into gardening! helps take her mind off the ptsd of everything that happened
got a restraining order against j-diddy
gets a kitty named towellet. she loves the thing.
𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐚
oh my swansea. no one loves you the way i do.
obviously is so happy to see his wife
and his kids!! can’t forget about them
they’d be worried sick, obviously hearing about the news of the tulpar
he reassures them that he’s safe (obviously), and he’ll be able to retire!!
his wife is obviously excited
i hc his wife is already retired and his kids already have kids
peepaw swansea for the win <33
i also hc he adopted an old bulldog.
they watch soap operas together all day and snore on the couch super loudly
𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐥𝐲
surprisingly didn’t die??
also he wasn’t in swansea’s car because uhm.. he was airlifted to the hospital
his recovery is difficult, obviously
he has moments he’s not sure he’ll make it out alive, and wonders if he should even still be breathing
obviously loves when swansea, daisuke, and anya visit. he literally loves it
he was given a multitude of surgeries, including skin graphs from donors, so some parts have darker hair than others, he thinks it’s cool.
daisuke was also a good match for blood i hc!! anya, daisuke, and swansea now regularly donate blood and plasma <3
i hc curly got an emotion support/guide dog names ratchet
sweetest baby around and curly adores him
he has prosthetics for his limbs, and used to completely cover them, a mask on his face and his hood up to complete the look
now he’s more confident in himself, and will happily go without a mask and basketball shorts!!
he has a voice box, but is still getting used to it!
daisuke bleached all his hair and cut it off for curly to make him a wig
he dosent wear it much, but he keeps it in a safe space
he wears a much more comfortable hair system
daisuke made his out of love, not practicality
𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞
company goes belly up.
curly and everyone sues him. even j-diddy.
they all win
what more can i say
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥
they all still love hanging out, the 4 of them
goes to anya’s graduation
daisuke constantly draws for all of them
swansea fosters kittens
anya loves to bake treats for all of them
curly loves to spin his shoulder around to cause his prosthetic to spin in a complete circle
i’m so sorry
𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐲
well.
woah.
he had a hefty trial.
obviously found guilty
got beat up in prison
was released on good behavior 🖕
i don’t think anya ever truly forgave him, or anyone for that matter.
which like good?
but he does visit curly sometimes at his hospital room
and sends the whole crew birthday/holliday cards
(only sends them to anya after his restraining order is done)
got a pitbull named mikey. loves his baby
he’s trying to turn his life around
he’s definitely still not sane
has been admitted to a mental institution involuntarily a few times
is on heavy medication to regulate his mood
got a sleeve tattoo of stars representing the crew (with their permission). i think he has a full sleeve
(thank you @/curly-my-beloved for that idea!!)
definitely got some of daisuke’s doodles tatted on him
a few important dates
he’s trying to be better
still an ass tho
i still don’t like him
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what would megumi’s life have been if he was actually raised by the zenin from day one? like either gojo lost the custody battle or they were able to scoop him up before gojo ever reached them. i doubt they would want to keep tsumiki with them so she’s not there for little baby megs.
i think it would be really cool to see a zenin raised megumi interacting with his fellow classmates when he attends the school, not to mention the contrast between him and gojo. like on paper they both should have gotten the same treatment-being pampered and spoiled rotten but we also know that the zenin think that hurting little kids makes them stronger so it would be super interesting to see megumi realise that the stuff that happened to him wasn’t normal and for gojo to have a guilt trip bc he wasn’t able to help megumi when he needed someone to help him the most.
So I have a fanfic that I’ve half written (no idea if I’ll ever finish it—I’d love to, it’s just hard to find the time) about EXACTLY THAT that I talked about in this post for an ask game.
That being said, that entire thing happens from Tsumiki’s perspective, and I agree with you—I don’t think the Zenin would have ever actually taken her too. They don’t want her. She’s not Zenin. She’s not a sorcerer. They only bought Megumi. For the most part, Megumi is absent from that post, and you asked about Megumi. So this is what I think would happen on Megumi's side of that post I linked.
It comes down to two things:
1. He is never, ever happy with the Zenin.
2. He never lets go of his sister.
Megumi’s old enough to remember Tsumiki when the Zenin take him away. He's old enough to love her. And I think that Megumi loves very quietly, but he also loves very violently. He wouldn't let his sister hold his hand on the walk to school, but he would sacrifice himself for her future.
I think the Zenin took him from his sister, and I think he kicked and screamed and wasn't strong enough. I think they thought he would forget her eventually.
And then I think he bit most of the Zenin Clan.
At the end of the day, what Megumi wanted was the one thing the Zenin were not willing to give him. They were never like the Gojo clan, they were never going to pamper him, but there are a great many things in this world that they would give the Ten Shadows finally returned to them. But they would not give him a non-sorcerer, non-Zenin sister who would only be a weakness to him. They refused to let him have any contact with his sister, and that was the source of a lot of what soured.
Any Megumi that was taken in by the Zenin would have been taken in to Naobito's household directly. He would be announced as the one who finally inherited their most cherished technique, and he would be declared heir, and the Zenin would call him beloved for it.
They would keep him in a room that was large and empty and almost always dark, and he wouldn't be allowed to decide when he slept or woke, and the door would always be locked from the outside. They would give him a wardrobe of expensive clothes that he hated, and he would never get to pick which of them he wore.
Megumi would hate them. He would hate all of them.
He's just not the type to be comfortable with or enjoy the adoration of others--especially when it's not backed up by genuine love. Megumi is someone who very much values sincerity and depth to emotion--it's one of the reasons why he seems to respect Yuuji so much. Yuuji is a good person who follows through with what he says. He's not just going to talk about wanting to save people--he's there making the sacrifices as he does it.
The Zenin do not actually love him. And he knows it. He's experienced love before, and this isn't it.
They love the idea of him. The fantasy of him that lives in their heads. He has no interest in being their little god prince to contend with the Gojo's own. He knows who he is, and it's not this. He wants to go home. He wants to find his sister again. He doesn't want to do this anymore.
And I think that's a feeling Megumi never escape: he just didn't want to do this anymore.
Megumi would feel like a bug pinned beneath glass in the Zenin compound. He would constantly have people managing him--when he ate, what he ate, what he wore, when he slept, when he woke, when he trained, what he did. Having to become a jujutsu sorcerer signified an inherent loss of control, but it's nothing compared to the sheer objectification that he goes through when the Zenin have exclusive control over him.
He has no power of what clothes he wears. How his hair is styled. His schedule, his diet, the people he speaks too--he's suffocating and the Zenin are just increasing pressure on him.
I don't think Gojo ever thought that would be Megumi's life.
We’re gonna just have this imagining exist in the same world as the Tsumiki centric fic described in the linked post, and in that, the reason why Gojo never took him in was because he didn’t know Megumi had a sister. He showed up, saw the divine dogs, realized Megumi had the Ten Shadows, and decided he couldn’t do this. He was a mess. He was grieving Suguru and Haibara. Megumi looked just like the man who killed Riko, and apparently inherited the fucking Ten Shadows of all the goddamn things. The Zenin would lose their shit, and Gojo didn’t have the energy to fight and told himself he didn’t need to, because if Megumi was the Ten Shadows he’d be cared for like a prince with the Zenin. He turned around and left and spent the rest of his life with Megumi in the back of his mind, always nagging him with whether he made the right decision. It wasn’t until Maki got there and made a few worrisome references to Megumi's standard of living that he started to really worry that he had made the wrong one, and it wasn't until he found out about Tsumiki that he knew it was the wrong decision.
It's like this: The Zenin hurt Megumi in every world.
It would be bad no matter what, but it really gets bad because Megumi refuses to stop trying to get back to Tsumiki. She's his sister. They didn't have anyone or anything in this world, but they had each other, and he couldn't let these people just take her away. He’s feral about it. He refuses to fit the mold they keep trying to cram him in. He’s trying to scale the walls to escape. He’s increasingly desperate and angry and the Zenin are getting more and more frustrated the longer he fights them. He’s the heir to the clan, and he can’t stop trying to leave it to get back to some random girl who isn’t his real sister and isn’t someone they’ll ever allow him to have.
It gets bad.
They put him under increasingly strict levels of control. He’s constantly being trained, which means he's constantly being hurt. He’s not allowed to speak to anyone without the clan head’s approval. He is under absolutely constant guard after he manages to get over the wall and halfway to his old neighborhood before they catch him again. Tsumiki’s name is not allowed to be said aloud, or his old name. He forgets his name used to be Fushiguro, but he doesn’t forget Tsumiki. He doesn’t let himself.
I think it escalates until it hits a breaking point. Megumi becomes increasingly self-destructive and non-responsive to everything they try. They push him to extremes that start risking permanent damage.
I think Megumi would try to hurt himself, eventually.
He wouldn't be in his right mind. He's in the most shit situation possible. He's undergoing pretty severe abuse. He'd be at the end of his rope from the lack of control over his own life, and he'd be spiteful as hell towards the Zenin. And the only thing he has to hurt them with is himself.
As a character, Megumi has always considered his own sacrifice as an acceptable means to the end of getting back at someone. Mahoraga, intrinsically, requires him killing himself as a way of killing someone else. He'd hurt himself if it was the only way he had of hurting them.
Naobito would cover it up. He'd never, ever want the rest of the clan to find out that it happened. It was already bad enough that Megumi openly hated them--he couldn't have the Zenin seeing any vulnerability in what was meant to be their most powerful member. He'd put Megumi in total lockdown until he could make it all go away.
Then they'd make a deal.
A binding vow. Megumi could never purposefully hurt himself again. He could never again try to leverage his own safety against the clan.
And in exchange, Tsumiki would be taken care of.
The last time Megumi saw his sister, she was on a sinking ship. They were running out of food, money, options--he doesn't know if she even has food anymore. He doesn't know if she lost the apartment or if there's still running water.
They're not letting him see her. But they are letting him take care of her. He can sacrifice another piece of control over himself, and she'll never have to worry about money again. They'll pay for her housing, her food, her education, for her every desire for as long as she lives. The trust the Zenin set up for her will be a generous one, and it will be managed meticulously by a trustee who can make sure she'll be provided for until she's old and grey. And Naobito will vow to never hurt her or send someone else to hurt her. She'll be safe. She'll be taken care of.
Megumi makes the deal.
In the end, the deal's what sort of breaks him.
Because he doesn't promise to stop looking for her, but the Zenin manage to make it a part of the terms anyway. When they approach Tsumiki's mother with the offer to be her family's beneficiary, they include a requirement that Tsumiki be moved to another city entirely with no forwarding address given. She needs to be somewhere that Megumi can never find her again.
The Zenin keep the old apartment. They pay the rent every month. And the next time Megumi manages to make it off compound, they let him make it all the way there before dragging him home. They let him see the empty apartment with all its empty rooms.
Naobito wants him to know that Tsumiki's gone. He wants him to know that he'll never find her again.
He tries to run a few more times after that, but he never makes it very far. He doesn't have anywhere to go.
In the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki, just once. She's on a class trip. He's on one of his very few and far between allowed excursions off the compound grounds, and he sees her in the crowd and recognizes her, and he ducks away from his escort before anyone can stop him.
She remembers him. He didn't think she would do that.
She tries to save him. He didn't think she would do that either.
She still loves him. And he was always too afraid to hope she would do that.
It goes the same way it did the first time. There's a car, and the Zenin shove him in it. She's on the outside, and he's trapped within, and he wishes she didn't scream so loudly when it happens. The sound never seems to leave his dreams.
His sister still loves him. Naoya hits him in the back of the head. He wakes up, and it was like she was never there at all.
But they hit him harder, after. Like they're trying to beat the memory of her out of him. He has even less freedom, when he already had next to none at all.
But he still has a sister. He has a place to go that isn't here. He just has to figure out where that is.
He wouldn't really have anyone in the Zenin clan. Most people are just... weird about him. Naoya's violently abusive. Naobito's weird and violently abusive. Everyone wants him to be someone he's not.
Maki would be his favorite.
He doesn't care about whether she's got cursed energy--his sister didn't have any. And she's obviously strong. She doesn't treat him like a divine blessing or try to force him to act a certain way. I think they would have genuinely liked each other, but kept each other at a distance. They're both trapped in an abusive situation and keep themselves safe by keeping everyone else at arm's length.
He would have been happy to see her get out, though. He would have told her that she could have his spot as heir or head or whatever when she came back if she wanted it. She would have told him that if he ever got out... well, fuck it. They could be something then. Family. Whatever the fuck they weren't allowed to be here.
She would have told him she's sorry, and she would have meant it. The only one she she regretted more than Megumi was Maki. He would have told her not to be, that if she dared to be sorry for getting out that he would never forgive her, and he would have meant that too.
I think his relationship with his own techinque would be very different in a world where the Zenin raised him. In canon, his issue is that he doesn't view himself as someone who could be powerful or win in the long run, but in this world, all he ever hears is how powerful he is. Pride of the fucking Zenin. The most powerful of them in centuries. Meant to rival Gojo fucking Satoru himself.
I think his real issue would be controlling it.
His technique would be a source of negative associations for him. It's the reason why the Zenin took him away. Most of his interactions with it have involved getting beaten and hurt by either his family or a high-level curse they shoved him in front of. I think he'd have a lot more firepower under his belt than at the start of canon, but he'd have less of a fine tuned control over it.
He lost control over his own life because of his shadows. It think that would manifest in struggling to control his own shikigami at times. he's not as in-sync with them as he is in canon.
Eventually, he'd go to Jujutsu High. He would be the only one in the first year class at the beginning, just like in canon. And he'd finally meet Gojo Satoru, the man he's supposed to topple.
He looks at Megumi really goddamn weird.
He's... enthusiastic. About. Teaching. He guesses. And constantly asking prying questions about the Zenin, but not in the sort of way he'd expect from a rival. In the sort of way he'd expect from someone concerned about him. Which is stupid. And annoying. And weird. He keeps a distance from everyone. They've all heard about the Zenin clan heir, and he has no interest in having to fit or break whatever mold they've already cast him in. He's better off on his own.
Maki's there. She's cordial where other people can see it, and in private, she takes care of him in a way that's terrifyingly close to familial. He's not sure if he likes it. He's not Mai, and she's not Tsumiki, and they both want someone they can't have.
She isn't sorry she left. She is sorry she left him. He can hate her for it all he goddamn pleases.
Of course, if this is in the same world as the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki again. He finds her in Sendai.
He gets to keep her, this time.
Gojo Satoru, of all the goddamn people, intervenes and becomes his sister's benefactor. It's super fucking weird. He won't stop looking at Megumi strangely. He won't stop insisting that he didn't know he had a sister, like that matters.
That would sort of be the first time in a long time that life actually gets better for Megumi.
I think he would ask to go by Fushiguro again, once he asks Tsumiki what his name used to be. He'd ask her if she minded it, him taking the name again, and he'd ask the rest of the school to call him Fushiguro instead of Zenin.
Predictably enough, Naobito loses his shit when he finds out, but it's not nearly as big of a pain in the ass as he thinks it is? Because Gojo intervenes.
Gojo keeps intervening.
It drives Megumi nuts, because if anyone was supposed to hate him, it was this guy. If anyone was supposed to be against him, it was this guy. This is the guy he was supposed to rival. This is the guy who killed his shitheel bio dad.
Gojo's just... good to him. He keeps him safe. He keeps him safe from his own goddamn family, and that's--no one's ever done that. No one's ever protected him from the Zenin.
The Zenin try to remove him from the Tokyo campus and move him to Kyoto the second they find out Tsumiki's there, and Gojo just... says no. It causes an uproar, and he doesn't fucking budge. It's treading dangerously close to him kidnapping the Zenin clan heir, his refusal to let them remove him from the Tokyo campus, and he doesn't care about whatever problems it causes him.
Megumi's his student. He doesn't want to leave. So Gojo won't let them take him.
He personally goes to Kyoto and collects him, the one time the Zenin force him into a car and move him when Gojo's off on a mission. He tells the higher ups to get fucked. He changes Megumi's student I.D. to read Fushiguro, and he causes problems for Yaga and the assistants until they start calling him Fushiguro as well.
Megumi's different with the other students once his sister is there.
He's more connected with them. He becomes best friends with Kugisaki and Itadori. He gets closer with the second years. He's visibly happier, and it sort of casts in sharp contrast how unhappy he was before this.
And Gojo? Gojo's so goddamn sorry. He didn't know megumi had a sister.
The thing is that now that both Tsumiki and Megumi are on campus, it sort of haunts Gojo with what could have been. They're both fantastic kids--funny, smart, resourceful. And it's painful watching them try to rebuild what was taken from them. And it could have just. never happened. Because he could have saved them both. He could have been their family.
It's sort of painfully obvious the Zenin abused Megumi, and it fucking haunts him. He doesn't even have to read into Megumi's behavior--he sees it happen, right in front of him, with how they try to control him and push him around. He wants to kill them for it. He wants to hate himself for it. He could have saved Megumi and he just. He didn't.
He wishes he did.
#jjk#fushiguro megumi#fushiguro tsumiki#gojo satoru#zenin clan#zenin maki#also featuring in this au: itadori absolutely torn because his best friend's long lost brother is extremely pretty and he HAS to be in#violation of some kind of bro code. the boy is in crisis. there he is. enrolled in fucking wizard school. his best friend tsumiki finally#found her long lost brother. said long lost brother proceeds to give him his gay awakening. he's fucking sweating. kugisaki stop laughing#gojos latent desire for fatherhood has been violently awakened in this and no one is safe. he's everyone's dad now. no one wants this.#yuuta in africa: sensei it's three am why are you calling is everyone oka--what do you mean what color do I want you to paint my room. what#room. what are you talking about.#yuuta keeps getting the weirdest goddamn updates from japan and he thinks he's having a stroke. what do you mean zenin-kun is fushiguro-kun#and he has a fucking long lost sister and gojos possibly going to gently kidnap him. is it kidnapping if he wants it too but the people who#has custody of him doesn't. what do you mean he needs to come back and help maki kill her entire family. maki explain your words explain#yes word of god megumi is also yuutas boy in this one i decide this for no other reasons than i want this#it's not the same way as in sea glass gardens. Maki just said some worrying things when yuuta first met him and he decided to keep an eye#out for him. he didn't seem all that happy. and he seemed alone. yuuta didn't want him to be.#megumi's sort of blindsided because he went from being raised in a clan where he was barely a person to having a bunch of medically insane#people decide that his wellbeing was their personal crusade. like. no one ever cared about /him/ before this. they just wanted their idea#but not who he really was. he felt like he was screaming and no one could hear it. then suddenly these people he barely knows are like#okay so we're going to punch your shitty bio uncle and also set his car on fire. yes we will call you by the name that makes you most#comfortable. yes we will help you get a new wardrobe full of clothes you're actually comfortable in.#he hadn't heard his own name in years. he's just been the ten shadows. never fushiguro. only rarely megumi.#everyone calls him fushgiuro at the school. his sister calls him megumi. he sort of wants to cry about it but he doesn't.#his shitty uncle shows up and makes a big stink about him being called zenin and inumaki and panda keyed his car. is this what love is.#is it a keyed car.#Low key he does NOT know what's going to happen the first time the school goes on break because gojo keeps making comments about how#megumi's not going back to the zenin compound and he says it like a joke but. he may not be joking. is he not joking. is. is megumi being#kidnapped. again. this is getting statistically improbable. did gojo just. decide. to keep him. when did that happen.
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barkbarkboy · 1 day ago
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its taken me a WHILE to think of any interesting lore lol
- i had to save my sister once when she was really little. she took off her gloves, touched the snow for too long, and started getting a lot of pain in her hands, and the fastest way to get her to warmth was to pick her up and carry her home. we had a huge backyard so imagine carrying like a small 4-6 year old human across a huge field of snow thats at Least 3 ft deep. she had frostbite but i managed to get her inside in time to warm up her hands. she caught pneumonia a while later i'm not sure if it was related.
- i'm the only one in my family who WASNT taken to the hospital regualrly for medical issues. my brother basically lived there (born with a cleft palete and asthma, so, yeah), my sib had asthma and knee issues (their knee would dislocate randomly based on the smallest activity), and my sister had asthma, split her head open and had to get it glued shut, and shes a horse girl now so she goes pretty regualrly to check if she broke this or that. so far every single injury hasnt been worse than a sprain thank god. also my mom and dad both have so many medical problems its insane. i was supposed to be the "normal" one with no problems. needless to say, the only "doctors" i've seen regularly are counsellors for "therapy".
- i have a huge attachment to plushies of animals because i love animals so much i want all of them but i cant have all of them </3 so a stuffie will do. my nanna used to work at a hershey factory in our hometown and they had free reese's and hershey beanie babies for us for easter and stuff :)
- i learned what gay peoole were due to mean girls (2004), i basically saw 2 girls kissing in the background (unsure if this is actually in the movie or i made it up) and i asked my mom why they were kissing, and she said sometimes girls kiss each other! and i remembered telling her that i was definitely someone who liked girls and wouldnt mind kissing them. YEEEARS later (despite having memory problems) she recalled this and found out i had a girlfriend in high school, which is how i ended up coming out. because of this, everyone automatically assmes i'm a lesbian even though i've told them i'm bisexual like 600 million times since then.
- (fucking obviously) i grew up going to catholic school from kindergarten to 6th grade. not because my parents are super religious, just, there were rules about which schools we were allowed to go to. my dad's side was catholic and my mom's side was assimilated into catholocism, but eventually broke away. my great aunt does geneology and traced back our ancestors to native roots, so she basically went from catholic to following native teachings immediately. we were taken to pow wows since i could remember, so, we definitely had it better than they did. despite the whities trying to take our culture from us, we're still here <3 still sharing our language and stories and music.
- i was raised by the tv and computer. quite literally. i had an incident when i was younger that caused my dad to distrust people, so i wasnt allowed over at friend's houses or to hang out with them unless they knew them super super well. because of this, i tried to understand social interaction through tv shows like dawson's creek and charmed. on the internet i would watch smosh and... (sigh) sh*ne d*wson and dan and phil and would treat it more like an entertaining break. i swear i was on the family computer for so long sometimes my dad would tell me to go to bed 900 times and i'd stay on until at LEAST 1 or 2 in the morning talking to the friends i made over the internet that i wasnt allowed to have in real life. those friends actually helped me learn how to talk to people like a normal human being!! i'm greatful to them every day and i still talk to them all the time ^_^
- i pretended to hate girly stuff when i was a kid to overcompensate my masculinity, but theres so many "girly" things i really like! i really liked playing house, i really liked playing with baby dolls, i really liked sundresses and nail polish and stuff, i just never liked when all that made me a "girl" according to others, and i didnt realize that was why at the time. egg moment 🥚🏳️‍⚧️
theres way more fhat may or may not be interesting but ^^; i think thats enough for now
it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore
#x
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feeling-kinda-sad-ngl · 2 months ago
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okay looking into nursing again because im terrified that if i go as planned into baking right away ill burn out, resent it, be broke for life, or realize i spent all that money for a useless degree
i cant even remember what put me off going into healthcare, i think one of the biggest culprits was math lol
also not being able to handle school and a mentality of "well, high school was shitty and my grades were too so im gonna scrap all of that and go for happiness right away instead"
but now im like hmm i cant really afford to use this happiness as income right now and theres a very real chance that if i turn this happiness into a job then ill burn out and it wont be a source of happiness anymore
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our-lady-of-mcr · 7 months ago
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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thnksfrthmmrs · 7 months ago
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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
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reflectionsofgalaxies · 4 months ago
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EI rejected my claim and doesn’t say why, and I’m panicked and furious. This could mean I receive no EI support at all this month, and not only do I have rent to pay which takes almost two EI payments alone, I now have school costs as well.
I feel like the world is falling apart around me just as I started to move forward for the first time in eight years.
#this is probably the most. unsafe i guess. i’ve felt in months#i genuinely don’t know if i can handle all the things happening#losing our home. having to find a new place. my monthly rent at least doubling. the cost and stress of going back to school.#having to cut my hours once i’m back at work so i CAN go to school#no having any clue where my family is going to end up living#knowing that everyone in my family will be losing money after selling the house because we will all be renting#but it’s the only option because my mom doesn’t have enough money to survive on and the house half belongs to her#so she needs that money now#but if we could hold on to the house for even just three more years we would be in a much better spot financially bc#1. my dad wouldn’t be losing 2000+ dollars a month on rent 2. i wouldn’t be spending an additional 600 or more on rent than i already am#3. because they’re developing the area around our house the value of the house will increase significantly#but it’s just not a fucking option#because sixteen years ago i forgot my fucking lunch and a bus decided to total my mom’s car and leave her permanently disabled#and i thought i got over blaming myself years ago because i REALIZE how fucking stupid it sounds#i was a fucking child i had no idea me forgetting my fucking lunch would mean my mom got hit by a bus#but it did#i forgot my lunch and a bus hit my mom and she had to leave the career she loved#and because she wasn’t working she was crossing the street two years later and got run over by a FUCKING car#and because she got run over by a car she was told that not only would she not return to work in the next five years she would likely never#work again. and she would also live with pain so bad they would put her on medications so heavy she became a different person#a violent person who i was scared of and who she herself didn’t understand and didn’t like and who in her own words#would have killed herself if she didn’t need to take care of me.#and because she was now an unemployed and struggling TBI survivor she was in the back of a car coming back from the CtCB awards#for TBI survivours when the car she was in was hit AGAIN and she needed to be cut out of the back seat.#the universe sure has a sick sense of humour#and because of the physical and emotional and financial strain on the family my dad became more stressed and angry and took it out on my mom#and eventually (thankfully for their own health) they got divorced#but now we’re here. losing the house. all because of the most disgusting butterfly effect i’ve ever encountered personally.#and it was my fault#anyway. i’m not going to do anything stupid i know that won’t help anyone. but i still don’t exactly want to be alive rn.
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imjustheretotrytohelp · 2 months ago
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Hey people on Tumblr, I have a question for you : do you contribute to your community ? Do you take the initiative to make things better for the people around you ?
I’ve brought up many times about Shahed Abumousa. She’s a 20 year old Palestinian who is studying dentistry and she is doing her best to survive a whole year of horror and violence. Since October last year, she has gone through the bombing of her house, the multiple displacements, the hunger and thirst, the shootings and diseases.
Despite it all, Shahed has dedicated her time, energy, and effort for everyone around her. She has volunteered as medical aid when hospitals were being destroyed one by one, distributed food with her family when she is starving, and taught children who couldn’t go to school in between her classes. Speaking of which, she continues with her education to achieve her degree while fundraising for her family of 7 people’s survival and supplies for her students. She is carrying a lot on her shoulders when she is only 20!
I am asking you once again:, what are you doing for your community? The truth is that most people are doing the bare minimum, if anything at all. So if you want to make a difference, please donate and share. Your contribution will not only help Shahed and her family survive, but it will also help give back to her community. So give what you can because she's stagnating at the halfway mark that she reached only recently after 7 months. She deserves all of our support.
DONATE HERE 
Get a commission for a donation HERE
Match @/neptunerings donation seen HERE or @/hummerous’s HERE
Vetted by @/nabulsi
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cameatslemons · 2 months ago
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mouthwashing post. jimmy is a raging narcissist and im tired of people trying to give him benefit of the doubt. his inability to see two feet beyond what immediately concerns him dooms everyone on the tulpar, and even in the end, he only really cares about himself.
big list of all his narcisstic bullshit below bc im here to motherfucking prove it (mouthwashing spoilers of course)
most obviously: everything is a personal attack on him. EVERYTHING. you can see it most clearly at the birthday party; while everyone else is understandably freaking out about being laid off, jimmy starts telling curly off and insulting both him and everyone else at the table, as if being laid off is a personal attack on jimmy specifically. it doesn’t matter that anya has nothing to go back to, that swansea’s life is thrown away- jimmy is the ONLY victim here, apparently. curly is personally responsible for getting laid off, in his eyes.
i don’t actually know the words for this but the way he’s constantly going “i have to do EVERYTHING around here”- again, feeling like its a personal attack to be asked anything at all. anya asks him to take care of curly because her entire fucking life is falling apart, its her end of days, but somehow shes the villain for struggling.
also the general antagonization of anya. she’s extremely competent for the hand she was dealt! shes too poor to attend med school yet shes very knoqledgable in medication and wound care! and yeah no shit shes struggling now, someone she cared deeply about is suffering immensely and now the ship is being “run” by a man who assaulted her. no fucking shit shes breaking down. but jimmy makes it clear time and time again that this is somehow her fault, all this shit of “shouldn’t nurses EARN their titles?” while she’s having a mental breakdown.
similarly, swansea being villainized for holding the cryopod for daisuke and killing him. like, i get it, but jimmy’s whole thing of saying he can fix daisuke is… c’mon man. he’s a hero to himself, he “always” fixes things the same way he “fixed” the ship, and he will fix daisuke and claim heroism even though it’s very clear nothing else can be done for him.
“someday you’ll thank me” while forcing curly to eat his own leg. the incredible confidence that he is in the right even when literally torturing someone.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: the final scene with curly burning. jimmy doesn’t earnestly believe he has anything to be sorry for. even when apologizing to curly he says “we can BOTH be heroes!” despite everything, he still thinks he’s in the right. he STILL thinks he’s a hero, because he’s right, he’s ALWAYS right, surely. he can apologize and grovel all he wants but in the end he still thinks he’s the hero of this story; he doesn’t genuinely think he has anything to right, he’s only doing this to be freed of consequence. and/or believes a simple “sorry” is enough, that it can fix completely ruining the lives of four people with his own inferiority complex.
i do think the choice to put curly in the pod instead of himself is the only time he recognizes his own guilt, if any. maybe it’s realizing that he DOES need something more than a simple “sorry” to even begin to try to fix things, maybe it’s that he thinks this will cement him even further as a hero. even then, does this fix anything? all it’s doing is making curly suffer more. is this actually a good thing?
to him, he’s the hero here. he always is. crashing the ship is a heroic thing, putting all his crewmates through hell is a heroic thing. all because something nobody can control is somehow a personal attack on jimmy.
not to mention all the “hallucinations” he has- it’s what he thinks should happen, it’s what he wants to hear. curly still calling him a friend, the dead corpses of his crewmates praising him, even in the final cutscene with curly burning where he says “no, YOU take the pod”. none of it’s real. it’s just what jimmy thinks is “right”. despite everything, he thinks everyone should thank and praise him, because he can do no wrong.
conclusion: jimmy is a narcisstic piece of shit.
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dodgebolts · 2 years ago
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going to lab meetings and hearing about things I actually kind of know about is like :0 wait maybe I can actually do this
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reasonsforhope · 7 months ago
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but especially with the end of the school year coming up soon, and a bunch of people about to leave high school or about to leave college, I just wanted to say:
Being an adult can be really nice, actually!!!
Like, okay, yeah, life can be fucking stressful sometimes, and there's definitely an annoying amount of paperwork.
But me and just about every single adult I know will agree: I would never choose to go back to being a teenager, even if I somehow could.
Insert obvious disclaimer that nothing is universal. But for people worried about aging or graduating into the next chapter of life, here's some words of reassurance:
When you're a teenager, your brain is extra mean to you. Like, neurologically. All of the changes it's undergoing really, really increase rates of depression/anxiety/etc. A lot of the time, literally just not being a teenager anymore is really good for your mental health
Less than five months out of high school, everyone I knew my age was like "Thank fuck we're no longer in high school." Once you leave high school and adolescence there's really just such a dramatic drop in petty bullshit. Shit that would have been a huge social humiliation or gossip in high school is really often just like, "Hate that for you, man." Boom, done.
When you're a teenager or a brand new adult, you're encountering so many problems for the first time ever. When you're older, you just. Have learned how to handle a lot more things. You know what to do way more often and that builds confidence
When you're an adult, other people generally don't care if you don't do things perfectly, because jobs and life don't work like grades. This was such a trip to learn, honestly? But when you are an adult or have a job the bar for success is usually just "Did you do the thing?" or "Did you do the thing well enough that it works?" or "Did you show up to work for your whole shift and look like you were doing things?"
Similarly, if you're about to graduate college and you're really stressed about it, fyi just about everyone I knew in college ended up very quickly going "wow, 'real life' is way easier." Admittedly I went to a school full of very stressed out perfectionists and the like, so I can't promise this is universal, but there's a very real chance that life will in many ways get easier when you graduate
WAY MORE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE
Literally I cannot overstate that last point. As an adult, you are (barring certain disabilities or shitty circumstances like abusive family/the criminal justice system/etc.) able to make most of your own decisions. If you want to rearrange your furniture, you can. If you want to eat tater tots at midnight, you can. If you want to get yourself a little treat, you can. You can sign contracts and make your own legal and medical decisions and not need a parent or guardian signature for just about anything ever again
You generally learn how to give fewer fucks
The people around you have also generally learned how to give fewer fucks
Even when things are shitty, being able to choose what kind of shitty a lot of the time can really be worth an awful lot
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lesbiansfor-blackbeard · 3 months ago
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because wymack is the one you call when you're just lost and you don't know what else to do
we know neil calls from the airport but he also calls from the mall, when teammates have dragged him out after andrew has graduated and there are too many people and he just wants to go home
kevin calls many times his first year out of school, alone, standing in the liquor aisle of the grocery store and just needing to hear that he still matters
seth would have called after he found out his wife was pregnant and he runs out the door. he calls wymack from his car in some parking lot and gets an earful and a game plan
maybe jean calls when he can't get a hold of kevin and hes spiraling. wymack doesn't let him hang up until jeremy is sitting next to jean and wymack has found kevin
dan calls after her aunt shows up. she has a spine she built herself, and wymack reminds of her of that. he reminds her that yes, she has a soft spot and wants to help, but that he wouldn't have made her captain if he didn't have faith in her ability to stand up for the foxes. and he reminds her that she is a fox as well.
renee just calls to talk. she calls because she worries about wymack as he gets older. she calls after her mom passes away. she calls just to keep in touch.
allison rarely calls. she sees him on holidays and misses him but she finds it hard to keep in touch. one morning a scandal breaks: a gossip site has found allison with her girlfriend. it's too soon, she didn't want everyone to know. and that's the face she puts on publicly, but the morning it breaks she calls wymack just to sit, and to remember the family she was and is a part of that will always have her back
andrew calls because he misses wymack but her never admits it. like neil, wymack was the first man who let him be safe, who listened as he crashed through his meds and let him be himself one night a week and believed in him. andrew calls to say nothing, but that's okay because wymack doesn't know what to say either.
it takes aaron a while to call. he liked wymack, sure, but he always knew his brother was the first choice. it's actually wymack that calls first after aaron graduates medical school with a "congratulations" and an "I knew you could do it" aaron starts sending pictures and videos of his daughters and he even tries to get the original foxes organized for a meet up once a year
nicky calls just to say hi, much like renee. but many years after they've all graduated he calls, and thanks wymack for gluing his family together when he was coming apart at the seams to keep his cousins from drifting.
matt calls after his first kid is born. "I don't want to be like my father" and wymack is a little taken aback because he has a hard time seeing how matt and his father are even related and eventually matt says "I want to be you." and wymacks heart heals a little when he hears that because he is so unlike his own father that one of his foxes wants to be like him
this got a little off topic but I love post-uni foxes
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teddypines · 3 months ago
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Fight
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Sumary: Dick and Batmom!reader got into a fight which upset both of them in the end.
Dick x Batmom!reader, Fem!reader (Use of she/her pronounce)
Note: Dick might be a bit out of character in this. Art/picture is from Pintrest, credits go to whoever made it.
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“Get back here, Richard!” Y/N yelled as Dick stormed off towards his room. The two of them had been in a fight. Dick had gotten really hurt on a patrol, but refused to seek medical attention. This, of course, upsetting Y/N. Hating to see one of her birds hurt like this. Yes, Dick was the oldest. yes he was old enough to deal with things on his own, but not with injuries like this. "Richard! Don’t you dare walk away right now!” Y/N yelled after Dick as she walked up the stairs. 
Dick ignored Y/N as he continued to struggle with walking towards his room. “Richard Grayson!!” Y/N yelled out one last time before Dick turned around to face Y/N. “Stop it! i am fine! I don't need you to baby me!” Dick hissed at Y/N. He was tired and just wanted to go to bed, but no Y/N needed to be a worried mother hen. “Just let me sleep! I do not need to be patched up!”
“Dick have you looked into a mirror? You look like hell, you need medical attention. Those wounds will get infected.” Y/N answered while trying to reach out for Dick. “I don’t need that, now stop being so annoying and let me be”
“Dickie, come on, please you really need to clean those. I am your mother, let me help you” Y/N Said, her anger slowly fading more and more as she looked at the beaten up boy. Something snapped in Dick’s tired mind and he got furious. “You are not my mother! Stop acting like you are!” Dick didn’t realize what he had said, because he turned around too fast to see the upset look on Y/N’s face. “I… I’m sorry Dick, i’ll let you be.” She said before Dick slammed his bedroom door shut. 
Y/N turned around and slowly walked towards the master bedroom, tears rolling down her face as she crawled into bed. After a while Bruce joined her in bed and wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong, love? Did something happen with Dick?” Bruce asked, but he didn’t get an answer. not until the next morning. Bruce understood Y/N didn’t want to talk about it just yet and just held her even closer to him.
<----------------------------------------------------------------------->
The next morning Y/N did come down for breakfast, but she was rather quiet. Not like her usual self, not telling Damian to not mess with his brothers or telling Jason to put his book down. Everyone noticed but Dick. He was still upset, but he did feel bad. Once he shut his door last night he realized what he had said and that broke him more than the wounds he had. Breakfast was quiet but not awkward. 
After breakfast Y/N just got ready for work and waved Damian and Tim goodbye as they went to school. She kissed Bruce’s cheek when he went to work. Dick looked on as Y/N did her normal routine, only feeling left out since they didn’t give him his hug.
“Mom?” Dick called out to Y/N, but she didn’t answer, too busy getting her bag ready. Dick carefully tapped Y/N’s shoulder which made her stop packing her bag. “Yes?” She answered a bit on the dry side. “Mom… I…” Dick started but he couldn’t find the right words. “It’s okay, Dick, you don’t have to call me mom if you don’t want to.” Y/N said, upsetting them both in the process. She gave Dick a sad smile before leaving for work. 
Dick sighs and gets ready for uni. “What was that?!” Jason asked shocked as he looked at Dick from the living room. He had a day off so he was going to do nothing all day, maybe bother Alfred a bit. “Nothing.” Dick answered his brother. “That was most definitely not nothing!” Jason gasped. “Oh my god, you and mom had a fight!”
“We did not have a fight,” Dick said as he shoved one of his books into his bag. “I just said something I regret…” Jason narrowed his eyes and glared at Dick. “What did you say?”
Dick groaned a bit when he stretched his arm the wrong way when grabbing another book to put in his bag. “I might have said that she wasn't my mom so she should stop acting like it” This made Jason gasp. “Yeah, I know, I screwed up...”
<---------------------------------------------------------------------->
A few days go by in which both Dick and Y/N are upset over what happened, everyone saw it. Dick did get some medical attention for his wounds but the sad smile Y/N wore that week hurt more than anything else. Dick sighed and started to make his way around the manor in search of Y/N. He eventually found her in the Batcave looking over some files and homework Damian did. He carefully sat down next to her at the Batcomputer. “Mom?” He said, which made Y/N turn her head towards Dick. “I’m sorry mom. I never meant to yell at you or say you’re not my mother. Because I do love you as my mom even with my own mom being, well not here… I was just so tired and patrol didn’t go well, and uni wasn’t great that day and… and.. I just don’t know anymore. But I don’t want you to be upset… That hurts…” Dick said through his tears.
Dick was surprised when he felt two arms around him. Y/N held Dick close to her. “I forgive you, sweetie, but please don’t ever say it again. It really hurts, when all I wanted to do was make sure you were taken care of. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled, though.” Y/N said as she slowly leaned back and started to whip Dick’s tears away with her thumb. She carefully leaned over and kissed Dick’s forehead. “I love you, Bluebird.”
“I love you too, ma”
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ihaznoclue · 2 months ago
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Can I request headcanons for TFP Wheeljack, Ratchet, Smokescreen, Knockout, and Optimus Prime reacting to his shy gn s/o kissing him on the lips in hopes it would make him feel better because he had a bad day please?
AHHH MY VERY FIRST TFP REQUEST AND THIS IS A CUTE ONEEE! TYSM <3
Pairings -> WheelJack, Ratchet, Smokescreen, Knockout, Optimus Prime x Reader
Warnings -> None
Note -> Their shy soulmate kissing them hoping it makes them feel better after a bad day
Genre -> Fluff
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WheelJack
Wheeljack is not having a good day at all after being lectured by the one and only Ultra Magnus
Wheeljack did something foolish again and now he is being told off like he is a child
Wheeljack just didn't seem to care as he walked away from the yelling from Ultra Magnus who was trying to get Wheeljack back
But he didn't seem to listen as he went to his berthroom to let off some cool as he locked himself in there to not get another lecture from Optimus's second commander
With you, you just came back from school with the others as you were picked up from Bumblebee with Raf
You were 18 years old about to graduate from school and that you were glad since you were such a introvert but you seemed to be comfortable around the others especially Wheeljack
Speaking of Wheeljack, you didn't seem to find him anywhere in the base
The base was huge but you couldn't see him, so you asked the only bot who was here before you arrived
Ultra Magnus groaned as he said that Wheeljack caused another ruckus and that he went to lecture him but he seemed to wonder off which appears to be his berthroom
So that's where you headed off too, wanting to see if Wheeljack was okay
So you knocked in a pattern to let him know it was you
The door quickly opened to reveal your guardian and lover
He slouched down to place his hand in front of you
You accepted his invitation as you gently stepped into his hand and he went to his berth
He placed you down on his chest as he laid down
"You okay Jacky?"
"What makes that guy think he can boss me around, it's like he's acting like a god damn parent to a child"
You wanted to make him feel better so you started to sit up
It seemed that Wheeljack was too busy complaining as you move closer to him
Your heart started to beat faster as you neared closer and then..
You kissed him for only a few seconds
Then backed away to meet his face that read shock
You then sat on his chassis as you started to blush, Wheeljack then came back to reality
"Another"
"What?"
"Did I stutter? I want another one"
"Wait- I did that because you were complaining-"
He then sat up, now you were in his hand as you couldn't go anywhere as he lifted you up to his face as he smirked
Oh boy...
You weren't going to get out of this one
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Ratchet
This grumpy robot can't even get a break seeming that he is a medic that can only help heal the others
He also didn't like the noise the children love to make especially Miko who keeps playing her guitar
He seemed like he was about to break
Until there was a honking noise coming into the base, Bumblebee seemed to have picked you up from the hospital
You stepped out as everyone greeted you except Ratchet
Ratchet was so concentrated with his studies that laid before his optics
Seeming he was too busy to greet you, so you let it slide for a bit
But it went for a while until the end of the day where everyone was resting even the kids who wanted to have a little sleepover
They were sleeping on the couch while the other robots were the rest
But Ratchet was still up since he doesn't really get any rest
You also, you had insomnia and that you were introvert that didn't like anything but to be alone
But everyone seemed to turn that around but right now you wanted to see if Ratchet was okay
You went up the stairs and then went where Ratchet was standing
"Ratchet?"
No response
"Ratchet? Are you okay, you haven't spoke in a while to me"
"I'm fine"
"You don't seem fine.."
You heard a sigh as he was now looking at you
He didn't want to take his anger out on you so he placed a hand out for you to stand on
You didn't say anything but stood on his hand as he lifted you up
"I'm fine, Just having a bad day sweetspark"
"Want me to help you with that?"
He raised an eyebrow as he looked confused on how you're going to help him with that
You mentioned him to come closer as you smiled
He was close enough so you then gave him a little kiss which made hi optics widen in shock
"That's how"
You could clearly see the Energon rush to his cheeks
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Smokescreen
Okay so I feel like he wouldn't have a good day because he's always treated like a little kids towards the others
And he didn't like how he's always treated like that
So the only way to get him to stop being upset is to go to his sweetspark
Which is you
He loved how you didn't titled him as childish on how he acts towards the others
But he can be a little bit too much but he was still your lover
Even though you were quite the quiet type but he found you interesting to him as he tried everything to get you to talk to him now you were comfortable talking a lot to him
But today was the day to help him instead
Currently you were with the others on the couch while Jack and Miko were playing racing games on the small TV
Raf was doing some computing stuff
And you were quite bored out of you mind, checking your phone was an option but it didn't seem to interest you as much
You then felt a touch on the top of your head as you turned around to see Smokescreen
He looked a little upset but he still smiled at you with his charming smile of his
You smiled back at him, Smokescreen then put his hand out for you to crawl in
He then took you to his berthroom then set you down on his chassis as he started to rant about his problems
Smokescreen seemed pretty upset so you wanted to try and help him the best way possible
So you thought of one thing that you sometimes rejected Smokescreen from since you were the nervous type to stuff it up but this time
You were sure going to do it this time
So you did it
You kissed him
He went silent as if you broke him
"Um.. Smokescreen? You okay bud-"
"Do it again"
"Wha-"
"I want you to kiss me again"
"I- uh" Now you were completely stuttering over your words
But instead Smokescreen delivered the same action to you
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Knockout (HIS SMIRK BRO- UGHHHHH HE'S SO GORGEROUS)
Okay this flirty bastard would like it
But today would be a day that he wants to un-alive himself as Starscream seems to rant about something and how Megatron should be dead and that he would be Lord instead
Knockout wanted to leave but he couldn't or else Starscream would yell at him even more than he already is
That's when you returned
Knockout was happy to see you
You knew Knockout wanted to leave by the face he was making so you swallowed a bit as you felt nervous so you told Starscream that Lord Megatron needs him
Starscream growled as he stomped his way out of the room, leaving you and Knockout alone
"What's wrong with him? He's more grumpy than usual"
Knockout took out a hand for you as you accepted
He lifted you up on the desk
"Nothing special, Just the original rants that want me to end my spark"
You slightly chuckled
"We perhaps should go to the laboratory before Screamer comes back"
You nodded as you crawled back into his hand, he started to walk to his Laboratory where all his gears and tools were as well as a desk and a table for experiments
He then set you on the desk gently
He still looked annoyed so you wanted to change that
Annoyed face didn't look good on him
So you asked if he could lift you up to his face
"Hey Knockout, Can I do something but I would have to be close to you"
He didn't say anything of it as he lifted you up to his face
"What do you need sweetspark?"
You took a deep breath as you leaned close to give him a kiss that lasted a few seconds then you backed away
You felt flustered at the action you just did and hope Knockout won't be mad
"If you wanted a kiss, you could've just told me~ Sweet spark~"
That flirty tone
Looks like he won't be forgetting that in a while
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Optimus Prime (MY HUSBANDDD)
Okay this big guys can't even get a break from this civil war that has been going on between Autobots and Decepticons
So he's always the busy autobot leader that has to take care of business in his own hands, fighting his enemy Megatron
So right now Optimus and the other Autobots except Ratchet went on a mission
You were stuck in the base with Ratchet and the kids
You were sitting on the couch while Miko and Jack were playing video games
Raf was sitting near Ratchet, helping him with some stuff
You were bored, very bored
You could ask Jack or Miko if you could play but you didn't have the courage to ask them so you stood up and walked around
It wasn't anything too special until a voice came through
"Ratchet, we going to need a ground bridge" It sounded like Bulkhead
"It seems that an Autobot is down"
Ratchet said as he walked over to the lever to pull it down to activate the ground bridge
You hoped that it wasn't Optimus
Even though he's a big bot, he can still get hurt badly
You saw them walking through and you could see Bulkhead and Bumblebee helping Optimus
Looks like it was Optimus after all, this made you worried as you walked up
"What happened to Optimus?"
You asked worriedly hoping it was nothing too bad
"I'm fine, Little one"
Optimus tried to reassure you but you felt worried
"Optimus, Let me check you and then you should get some rest. It's quite late in the night" Ratchet spoke
You stayed by Optimus's side to make sure he was okay
Now you two were in his berthroom, you were quite the worried type
Always making sure if he was okay
"Little one I reassure you I'm okay, As Ratchet said I just need rest"
"Yeah, but you scared me"
"I'm sorry Sweetspark, I hope to make it up to you"
"There might be something but I have to get close to you though"
He raised an eyebrow, confused but obeyed
You were close enough so you went ahead and gave him a little kiss
He looked clam as you backed away but the blue on his cheek tell otherwise
"I.. Thank you Little One, That made me feel a little better"
"If you need anymore, Just let me know"
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Looks like I fell asleep trying to finish this so I finished it in the afternoon and my friend is currently dying on a Instagram call with me LMAO
-A<3
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