#because i understand that not everything is for me or should be for me

[jinwoosbabyboo]

Holidays w/ Him

Your first year living with your favorite lads man and you get to spend the holidays together. How I imagine they act during this holiday season. [Requested by: 🌻 Anon]

𝚉𝚊𝚢𝚗𝚎

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘

He’s the boyfriend who stands behind you and guides your hands in whatever food you’re prepping

Still a workaholic up until Thanksgiving day, but will find time to help you cook

Suggests to make more desserts because he can’t control his sweet tooth

makes your plate for you “Eat well my love”

tries to start his meal with a slice of pie ; you have to take it and make him eat some actual food first “Desserts are for after the meal” “Desserts can be a meal” “No”

tidying up behind you so much that you don’t even get the chance to help clean up

would definitely do a video call with you to his parents to wish them happy holidays

if you take him home to your family your parents would fall in love with him immediately

ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤

wants all the holiday sweets and treats

the type of boyfriend who wants to take you to every bakery so you can eat their limited time only holiday sweets

he brings you hot chocolate with marshmallows and a splash of peppermint while you decorate the house

stands by holding the decorations for you

he would definitely still be working during this time but, he would spend every moment he could with you when he’s home

watches Christmas movies with you until you fall asleep and he carries you to bed

hides your gifts in his office at the hospital if you start getting nosy

all over you when you’re baking Christmas cookies, showering you in kisses, arms constantly wrapped around you and sneaking a cookie here and there when you’re not looking

Cozy morning w/ Christmas breakfast before you exchange gifts

ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕐𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕤

Wants to give you that New Years kiss you’ve been talking about

takes you to a secluded rooftop patio where you can see the fireworks and share a kiss “Now we’ll last forever” “There was never a doubt in my mind”

if he’s working he rushes home just to give you that kiss at midnight

𝚁𝚊𝚏𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚕

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘

100% a backseat chef while you’re cooking “You should probably turn the heat down” “Can you go paint or something?”

clingy af he would be all in your face while you’re trying to cook “Are you going to help or are you just gonna hang on me like a koala” “I am helping im here for moral support”

gets extremely competitive when your family pulls out any game “Im about to flip the table” “Please don’t”

Eats so elegantly your parents are wondering if you’re dating royalty (which you are)

ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤

Bought the biggest tree he can find “This is going to take weeks to decorate” “You should just stay here for the rest of the month then”

arts and crafts everything for decorations, he’s painting ornaments with you, anything you can find that you want as a decoration believe he will be making it for you/with you

complains about the cold like he hasn't experienced it before as you drag him to go ice skating or sledding “It’s too cold why is the sun out and i'm still freezing” “Maybe because thats how winter works Raf” “I hate it here”

wakes you up early as hell to open gifts, loves literally anything you buy him

Christmas movie nights w/ face masks, popcorn snacks, and matching pajamas

heavy on the matching pajamas, bought 12 pairs for 12 days of Christmas

ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕐𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕤

watches the fireworks with you through the studio floor to ceiling windows wrapped in a blanket

doesn’t understand why you want a new years kiss so bad, but he’ll gladly do it of course

sips his champagne and pushes the cold liquid into your mouth as he kisses you now you shared a kiss and a drink right at midnight "I call that a two for one deal" "Stop talking"

𝚇𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚛

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘

Fighting tooth and nail to keep his ass out the kitchen “Xavier I got it don’t worry” “I can just stir the yams” “No really it’s fine just go relax you had a long day”

You end up letting him slice the turkey and he ends up slicing through the whole damn pan “Why don’t you just set the table….” “Yes ma’am”

not a single leftover because this man ate everything

if you took him home to your family for Thanksgiving your parents are questioning if you starve him “He has a bottomless pit in his stomach” “No I don’t” “Lie again”

ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤

Cold snowy days you two aren’t leaving the bed, he’s curling around you and snoring softly into your boobs

helps you decorate the tree, but asks endless questions “Where do you want this one?” “Just put it anywhere Xav” “Is right here fine?” “Yes right there is fine” “What about this one?” he’s not trying to annoy you he just wants Christmas with you to be perfect

Cookie decorating together, no cooking so it should be safe

late nights ordering in and watching Christmas movies or reading some books that fit the Christmas aesthetic

ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕐𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕤

watches fireworks with you from the balcony with warm eggnog topped with cinnamon

be prepared to stay up late after that midnight kiss because he’s not stopping, both sets of lips will get kissed

𝚂𝚢𝚕𝚞𝚜

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘

Spending thanksgiving with him and the boy was like a mini family of it’s own

Luke and Kieran helped you prep and you made Sylus help as well “I need to slow cook these greens overnight so start removing the leaf from the stem please” “Are you telling me what to do?” “Yes …. I am …. is there a problem?”

Sylus constantly sends the twins and Mephisto back to the store so he has a reason to be alone with you while you’re cooking

constantly brings up how the chef should be doing this, but you insist that the whole point is to cook together "You know you can just send a menu to the chef" "No it's more home-y this way"

ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤

hands you his black card and takes you store to store telling you to have fun "I can buy anything I want?" "Anything"

takes you to a privately owned resort (He owns it) for a holiday Christmas trip, bringing Luke and Kieran along begrudgingly because you ‘didn’t want to leave your boys behind’

all those pictures and videos you sent him of fun stuff to do around the holidays he makes it happen

you wanna go snowboarding? he’s on it. Skiing? done. glass blowing Christmas ornaments? done.

Watches with the softest smile on his face as you and the twins decorate the big ass tree you picked out “Sylus I need you” “What is it Princess?” “Let me sit on your shoulders so I can get these ornaments on top of the tree” rolls his eyes, but puts you on his shoulders anyway

wraps you up in his arms and a blanket while you four have a Christmas movie night; carries you to bed when you fall asleep

watches Christmas musicals with you as well

living room is overflowing with gifts for you because this man bought you everything you’ve mentioned that you wanted for the past 3 months

his face may look annoyed when you drag him around from store to store and activity to activity, but he’s more than happy to do it as long as he’s with you

ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕐𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕤

Argues with you until 11:59pm just to piss you off “How does good luck factor into this?” “Im not about to argue with you about this” “Too late sweetie you’ve been arguing with me for the last fifteen minutes” “Because you’re being so difficult do you not want-” he’d shut you up with a kiss right at midnight. “I guess this means we’ll last forever now huh?”

[youreverydayfangirl]

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED

pairing: max verstappen x singer reader

summary: the one where new rumors begin, secrets start to be revealed and they never stop loving each other

warning: online hate, mentions of cheating

a/n: after two months its finally here for you guys

face claim: sabrina carpenter (just had to because shes gorgeous)

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seen by yourusername, exbsf and 4, 583, 586 others

yourusername lando as much as i appreciate you trying to do things right

yourusername the damage has already been done ive moved on

landonorris well i havent y/n

landonorris everything that happened is shit

landonorris you never did anything wrong and i let our four year relationship go to waste

landonorris both of us deserve better than that

yourusername i know

exbsf are you fucking kidding me lando

exbsf after all this bullshit your threatening me???

this user has been blocked

Things are heating up between Lando Norris and Ex Bsf after their sudden split

After Landos instagram story on Thursday ExBsf has since come to social media, talking about how she was blind sided by the break up and then further went to discuss how boundaries are important in a relationship and how allegedly Norris has been in contact with his ex girlfriend Y/n L/n and they have been seeing each other behind her back.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

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y/nsprivate wtf is happening guys

thatoneartgirlalex KARMA IS WHATS HAPPENING

-> y/nsprivate FOR REAL THO

keekslikestospammmm BYE BYE BITCH

-> y/nsprivate KEEKS 😭

jimmyandsassysdad everything worked out just how it should've 🖤

-> y/nsprivate I LOVE YOU 🖤

-------

Y/n couldn't believe it, she just stared at her phone in shock. She had been scrolling absentmindedly through her phone when she saw it. The post. Everything had been coming to head for a while and she knew it, but to see the words written out in front of her? She didn't know what to do.

Exbsf had caused her so much pain and now? It seemed karma was catching up to her. It should've felt good. It should habe been validating. But instead, it was just old wounds reopening.

"Liefde?" Max's comforting voice rang out.

She didn't realise that Max had entered the room. His voice was soft, laced with concern. She gave him a small smile as he crouched infront of her, grabbing her hands to give them a kiss.

"Hey, whats wrong?" He murmured as he brushed a strand of her hair back.

She couldn't get the words out, instead she grabbed her phone and handed it to him. Max took one glance at the screen, his jaw tightening as he pieced it together.

“Y/n…” His voice softened even more as he put the phone down and turned his full attention to her. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Tears blurred her vision, and before she could stop herself, they spilled over and she hid herself in her hands as they wrecked her body.

Her eyes met his, glassy and red rimmed. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I should feel relieved, but instead, it just… hurts. It’s like everything she did is coming back all at once.”

Max nodded, his gaze understanding. “Because you cared about her. You gave them a part of yourself, and they threw it away. That kind of hurt doesn’t just disappear, all I can do is promise you that I'm not going anywhere Mijn liefje.”

He pulled her close, holding her against his chest. He didn’t say anything more, just rested his chin on top of her head and rubbed gentle circles on her back. His steady heartbeat was a grounding rhythm, and slowly, the sobs subsided into quiet sniffles.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice muffled against his chest.

Max pulled back just enough to look at her, brushing a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here, Y/n. No matter what.”

------

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exbsf cause I know that you'll never feel sorry

oliviarodrigo hey! so never use my song again 😃

-> exbsf get out of my insta weirdo

-> sabrinacarpenter LIV 😭

-> oliviarodrigo what?

-> user1 HELP I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

user2 is that not y/ns sweater

user3 using livs song is WILD

landonorris has posted a story

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Y/n quietly hummed to herself and she took in the view infront of her. The sun was dipping low on the horizon, painting the ocean in hues of gold and pink as the yacht gently swayed on the calm waves. She took a sip of champagne, waiting patiently for Max as he had set up a picnic for them. The soft sound of the waves was the only noise around, making Y/n feel a kind of calm she had never felt before.

“Y/n,” Max’s voice called softly from behind her, and she turned to see him standing a few feet away, his hands tucked nervously into his pockets.

She smiled, tilting her head. “What’s with the serious face? You’re usually the calm one between us.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, even I get nervous sometimes, come here.” He pulled her up and hugged her, swaying for a moment before pulling back. Before she could respond, he closed the gap between them, taking her hands in his. The warmth in his gaze was almost overwhelming, and her heart began to race.

“I’ve been thinking about this moment for a long time, and I know its soon but it feels so right,” he started, his thumbs gently brushing over her knuckles. “And no matter how much I planned it, I don’t think I could ever put into words how much you mean to me.”

“You’ve been my anchor, my safe place, and my biggest adventure all at once. Every day with you feels like a gift, Y/n. And I want that for the rest of my life.” He let go of one of her hands, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small navy velvet box. Slowly, he got down on one knee, opening it to reveal a ring, the diamond on it sparkling from the last light of the setting sun.

“Y/n, will you marry me?”

Tears filled her eyes as she covered her mouth with one hand, overwhelmed by the moment. The love in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes, it was everything she had ever dreamed of.

“Yes,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Then louder, with a laugh bubbling out, she repeated, “Yes!” She then leaned forward to embrace him in a hug, the pair kneeling as Maxs heart thumped.

Y/n leant to kiss him, Max meeting her halfway. Once they pulled back they heard a loud cheer.

Y/n spun around to see her four closest friends standing further away from them, Kika and Alex both crying, although Alex was comforting Charles at the same time.

“How did you?!” Y/n started, looking between Max and their friends.

Max shrugged with a sheepish smile. “I might’ve had a little help setting this up.”

Kika rushed over to hug Y/n, tears in her eyes. “We wouldn’t miss this moment for the world!”

Charles handed Max a champagne bottle, clapping him on the back. “About time, mate.”

Pierre grinned as he popped the first confetti popper. “We’ve been holding our breath in there for so long, but it was worth it!”

The night turned into an impromptu celebration, the five of them toasting under the stars. Y/n couldn’t stop smiling, her hand never leaving Max’s. And as she looked around at her friends, laughing and cheering for her and Max, she couldn’t imagine a more perfect beginning to the rest of their lives together.

------------

Y/n L/n is Back

After over a year of radio silence, popstar Y/n L/n has posted again, signaling a new album.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

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OMG ANOTHER POST?????

i feel like i need to feed you guys, i'll start working on the next part soon

also felt like this was a good length one for yous

anyways a question for you. my main focus is finishing this series and then i'll give you the charles series but would anyone be interested in a lando spinoss series/imagine. i feel like man deserves a break omg.

anyway lmk xx

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[jarofstyles]

Can you do a blurb of H cuddling Y/N after being away or busy for a while?? Thanks!!

Yes I can ❤️ here’s a little something!

Check out our Patreon!!

—-

"Mmm... this is nice." Harry whispered against her lips, pulling her closer under the blanket. His fingers gently traced patterns on her arm as they shared soft, lingering kisses. The movie played softly in the background, but his focus was entirely on her. This was what always happened and they should have known they wouldn’t last 10 minutes without being distracted but perhaps that was the point.

Between kisses, he mumbled against her lips. "Y’know, I've missed moments like this. Just being here with you..." Work had been kicking his ass as the holidays approached just like it did every year, but it didn’t mean he liked it.

“I miss you too.” She sighed, fiddling with his necklace. “But I know it’s a busier season for you. It’s almost over.” He’d been working day in and out. It was their first chance to have an actual slow date night, and it seemed that he’d missed her more than she had thought. Clingy Harry was one of her favorites.

"It really is," Harry said softly, his thumb gently brushing over her cheek. "But I promise, once this season is over, m’all yours. No more late nights or extremely early mornings. Just you and me, doing nothing but existing together." He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "You deserve that peace, and m’gonna make sure you have it."

She did particularly miss waking up to him curled around her like her own personal blanket. There was truly nothing like getting to be so intimately close with the man she utterly adored, but it was hard to do that lately. Harry had always been a hard worker, passionate in everything he did- thankfully, that included being a lover, too. “You are doing just fine, H. I know you have to do your work.” Her fingers traced over the bridge of his nose, giving him a light smile. Her husband truly was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. “M’honestly just glad that you got to come home early tonight.”

Sighing softly at her touch, he let his eyes flutter shut momentarily as he reveled in the delicate brush of her fingertips. "I swear, the next few months are just gonna be us." The arm around her waist pulled her closer, planting a kiss on her cheek. It really was hard to keep his mouth off of her. "Me, waking up wrapped around you every morning..." Planting another kiss to her nose, he laughed under her breath as he watched it scrunch a bit. "...falling asleep with your head on my chest every night...just need those moments back. Just you and me. Know m’selfish, but that’s the truth."

Harry had always been selfish about her attention. That was nothing new, but not getting to indulge as often as he liked was the problem. "And I swear, no more ridiculous late-night calls," he promised, his hand splaying over her waist. "I really am sorry, baby.” the soft frown on his face was indicative of that. Disappointing her was his least favorite thing. “No more 'I'll be home in an hour' turns into 'It's 3am and I'm still not home'. No more... got t’spend time with you. Can’t work properly if m’miserable because my girl is at home alone in my bed…" He trailed off, his thumb brushing over her swollen bottom lip. There had been a lot of things that had gotten out of hand and he knew he had been extremely lucky that she was so understanding about it. “Think M’gonna dedicate an entire week to being between your thighs.”

Her eyes widened slightly at his bold statement, a soft blush creeping onto her cheeks. Biting her lower lip as his touch moved to her chin, she to suppress a small smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Harry," she scolded lightly. “You… are something else.” Her husband had no problem showing her just how much she meant to her. She knew he had obviously had some withdrawals from their intimacy but hearing it out so boldly made her slightly flustered. One of his favorite things was figuring out ways to make her squirm, so she shouldn’t have been that shocked- but that’s what he liked about it.

"S’it too much?" He teased, his thumb brushing over her heated cheek. "Let me rephrase, then, my beautiful girl." He leaned in closer, his voice dropping lower. "How about I dedicate an entire week to staying in our bed, only getting up for food and water, showering together and spending the rest of the time worshipping you t’show you just how much I miss you every second I’m gone?" He grinned mischievously. “That sound any better?”

[irisintheafterglow]

itoshi sae has no idea how you do it.

classwork, homework, midterms, exams, two jobs, and a lively group of friends? it all sounds so unnecessary to him, these things that would be distractions from his dream. but for you, it sustains you and encourages you to keep going. how differently our minds work, he thinks to himself when he has a rare day to spend on your couch and you're typing away at some assignment on your laptop.

"why do you do that?" you don't respond the first time he asks and he gently calls your name, even though you're barely three feet away. you turn to him with a tired look and something pangs inside his chest. "why bother doing that?"

"bother doing what?"

"whatever it is you're doing right now." he nods at your glaring laptop screen filled with words he can't even begin to understand, some final before your university goes on winter break.

"because it's part of my degree?" there's no malice in your words, just genuine confusion, just like there's no accusations in his words, just concern. "if i fail this class, i don't graduate."

"why do you need to graduate, or have a degree in the first place?"

"because i need a job, my love," you explain patiently. "we've had this conversation before. going to school means i can get a well-paying job to sustain myself."

"why do you need to sustain yourself when you have me?" you blink at him and his blank face. the only sign of emotion is the slight pinch between his eyebrows; he was truly puzzled why he couldn't just set you up for life. dating itoshi sae is like being an unwilling sugar baby.

"i'm not going to leech off your earnings," you chuckle in disbelief. "i'm not going to use you to make sure i have a comfortable life. i love you, and my kind of love stays whether we have money or not." he shifts awkwardly in his seat and his mouth pouts the tiniest amount. he obviously didn't like your reply.

"whatever i'm doing, it isn't enough for you," he states quietly.

without another word, you exhale through your nose and shut your laptop. you place it on the coffee table before crawling over and maneuvering your way into his arms. he gladly accepts you, sliding down the couch's armrest so that you're nearly lying on top of him. it's quiet for a few moments, not in an uncertain way but in a way that said both of you were figuring out how to articulate your thoughts.

"i just think that--"

"you don't need to--" you both begin your explanations at the same time and the huff of his laugh vibrates against your cheek. "you go first," you tell him.

"i was saying that, if you wanted me to," he inhales and tries to tiptoe around what he wants to say before deciding to just crush it with his foot, "i can take care of you without you needing a degree." a certain selfish part of him wanted you there for every single victory and ladder rung he ascended, not because he thought you owed him, but because he owed you. you, who weathered his darkest of moods and harshest of snaps. he owed you for dealing with his bullshit, so he figured, why should you need to lift a finger when you've already done so much for him? "i owe you that much for everything that you've seen me through."

"you don't owe me anything, itoshi sae. loving you is not transactional, nor have i ever wanted it to be."

"everything is transactional, mi amor," he argues and the pet name makes your heartrate increase. "give and take, it's how the world flows. shouldn't your university classes be teaching you that?" your eyes have fluttered shut on his chest, but you still hear the smirk in his joke.

"believe it or not, mister 'fame is the only thing that matters to me,' there are transactions beyond material goods."

"i know that," he says indignantly. "i also know that you're wrong."

"am i?"

"yes," he affirms. "i don't only care about fame. i care about you too, obviously."

"see, sae? give and take. i give you all i am--"

"and you take all i am."

"body and soul?"

"and everything in between," he finishes, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before settling into the pillows. "rest, mi amor. you've paid more attention to school than to me lately, and that's an unequal transaction."

[eu-nicola]

not yours part 4

summary: Rafe Cameron is the perfect boyfriend… but not yours, but Sofia’s. However, fate plays against you when you become the only person capable of understanding him in his darkest moments. What begins as a dangerous friendship soon becomes an attraction impossible to deny.

warnings: nothing i think

word counter: 8734

author’s note: english is not my first language, final part

tags: @immyowndefender @luannemarureis @xcinnamonmalfoyx @fallout-girl219

The trip was over, and with it, you returned to the reality you had wanted to avoid. During the journey back, a mix of nervousness and anxiety had accompanied you. Rafe had promised you that he would leave Sofia. But now, days later, that promise seemed to have been forgotten. 

Since they returned, everything had returned to normal for him. Or at least, that facade of normality. Sofia was still by his side, as always, smiling and unaware of everything that had happened. And Rafe… Rafe was still the same as always. Attentive to her in public, but seeking you out in private, as if nothing had changed, as if his life could be divided between both worlds without consequences. 

At first, you wanted to give yourself time, to believe that maybe he needed a few days to sort things out. But every time Sofia posted a photo of them together or talked to you enthusiastically about how things were working out again, you felt a pang in your chest, a mix of anger and disappointment. 

That day, after ignoring several of his messages, you ended up going to his house. Not because you wanted to, but because you needed answers. The atmosphere was tense from the moment you walked through the door. Rafe greeted you with a light smile, as if everything was fine, as if he didn’t know what you had come to tell him.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” he said casually as he led you into the living room. His tone was carefree, as if the last conversation you had hadn’t happened, as if the world wasn’t falling apart between you.

You sat on the couch, crossed your arms, and stared at him. He noticed your serious expression, but tried to ignore it, moving closer to you like so many other times. However, this time you didn’t allow it. You moved away slightly, keeping your distance.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, feigning innocence, but you knew he understood perfectly.

“What’s wrong?” you repeated, feeling frustration begin to boil inside you. Rafe, are you really asking me that?

He shrugged, as if he had no idea what you were referring to. That gesture bothered you more than it should have.

“You promised you would leave Sofia when we got back,” you finally said, your voice firm but restrained. You didn’t want to lose control, even though everything in you screamed for you to do so. “You told me this was going to end.”

Rafe sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and dropped into the chair in front of you. He looked tired, but you weren’t going to let that stop you.

“Things are more complicated than you think,” he finally answered, as if that sentence could justify everything. “I need time.”

“Time?” you asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow. “You had time. Days, weeks… and in the meantime, she still believes that everything is fine, that you are with her.”

Rafe leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his intense gaze locked on yours.

“It’s not that easy. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Those words hit you. He didn’t want to hurt her, but apparently, hurting you was a much easier option.

“You don’t want to hurt her?” you repeated, this time with a colder tone. “And what do you think you’re doing with me?”

Silence settled in the room. For the first time, Rafe seemed speechless, unable to respond.

“You promised me something, Rafe. You told me that I was the person you wanted, that all of this was going to change. And here we are, days later, and everything is still the same. You’re still the same.”

He stood up, as if he couldn’t stand the conversation from the couch. He paced the room, frustrated, but you couldn’t empathize with him. It was his decision, and so far, he hadn’t done anything.

“It's not that simple…” he said again, but this time his voice was softer, almost a whisper.

“Yes it is” you said firmly, standing up too. “If you really loved me, you would do the right thing. But it seems you'd rather stay with her, where you can have both of us.”

Your words hung in the air, raw and painful. Rafe looked at you with his lips pressed together, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words.

Finally, it was he who broke the silence:

“I don't want to lose you.”

It hurt you to hear it. Because he didn't want to lose you, but he didn't seem willing to do what was necessary to keep you either.

“You're already losing me, Rafe.”

You turned your back on him, ready to leave, because you knew that if you stayed, you would end up giving in, like so many other times. And this time, you didn't want to be the one who always forgave.

The air in the room was thick with tension, and your words still echoed in your mind as you began to walk towards the door. But before you could take another step, you felt a firm hand grab your arm, stopping you in your tracks. Without saying a word, Rafe turned you towards him, his face filled with something you couldn’t quite put your finger on: desperation, frustration, desire… maybe all of it. 

Before you could react, his lips met yours in an urgent kiss, as if he needed to feel you close, as if he was trying to take back everything he had just said. It was a kiss full of contradictions, almost as if he wanted to ask for forgiveness and, at the same time, claim something he knew he had no right to ask for.

Your mind fought against your body, which responded with a mix of rage and desire. You were angry, yes, but you couldn’t deny what you felt when he touched you like that. Every part of you screamed to stop him, to pull away and not let things happen again, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. The desire was stronger, and before you could make a conscious decision, you found yourself beside him, back in his arms, kissing him with an intensity that surprised you. 

He guided you towards the couch, and as upset as you were, you couldn’t pull away. The anger was still there, but somehow, that didn’t stop you from moving forward. Maybe it was the exhaustion of constantly fighting what you felt for him, or maybe it was the hope that things could change after this moment, but when the barriers you still held were stripped away, everything else fell away. 

Anger and resentment mixed with the passion of the moment, an emotional chaos you couldn't escape. You knew it was wrong, you knew it was a surrender, but you didn't say no. As emotions and bodies intertwined, reality faded away, leaving you lost in desire, in the contradiction of being furious but unable to reject him.

When it was all over, silence settled in again, heavier than ever. You were exhausted, both emotionally and physically. He looked at you with a mix of guilt and satisfaction, and even though you knew what had just happened wouldn't change anything, you couldn't help but feel something inside you breaking.

And so, in the midst of that confusion, the words you hadn't wanted to say continued to float between you, without an answer that could ease what you felt. You got up and changed and before leaving you told him:

“Next time you look for me, make sure you've made a decision. Because I'm not going to continue being the option you keep in the shadows.”

And you left, leaving behind a Rafe who, for the first time, seemed to understand that things couldn't go on like this.

That same night, anxiety continued to vibrate in your chest. Every word you had said to him still echoed in your head, and although you knew you had done the right thing by facing him, you felt restless, uncomfortable, as if something was about to break.

You arrived home, exhausted both physically and emotionally. You didn't want to think about him anymore. You lay down on your bed and stared at the ceiling in the darkness. The silence was almost oppressive, and your mind kept replaying every detail of the conversation with Rafe.

Just as you were beginning to fall asleep, the sound of your phone lit up the room.

A message.

You reached out, feeling the cold of the device on your skin, and as you unlocked it, Sofia's name appeared on the screen. Your stomach immediately contracted. It was too late for her to text you something casual.

With a mix of nervousness and curiosity, you opened the message.

“Rafe dumped me.”

Three words that froze you completely.

You read the message over and over again, making sure you hadn’t misunderstood. But no, there it was, clear and direct. Sofia, your best friend, had just been dumped by Rafe… and with no explanation.

Your heart was pounding, and you felt a surge of conflicting emotions. On one hand, there was relief. Relief that Rafe had done what you had asked, what you had demanded of him. But there was also guilt. Because you knew you were the reason, even if Sofia didn’t know it.

Another message came seconds later.

“He didn’t say anything. He just… left me. Just like that, suddenly.”

Your mind filled with images of Sofia, alone, confused, wondering what she had done wrong, not knowing that the truth was much darker than she could imagine.

You wanted to respond, but you couldn’t find the right words. What could you say? How could you comfort her when you yourself were so involved in what had happened?

Several minutes passed before your fingers finally moved over the screen.

“Sof… I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

You knew it was an insufficient answer, but you had nothing better to offer. You felt like anything you said would be a lie or a betrayal.

Her response came quickly:

“No. I’m not okay. I don’t understand anything. We were okay… or at least I thought we were.”

You read her message with a heavy heart. You knew exactly what she felt. You had seen how Sofia struggled on the trip, how she tried to save a relationship that, for her, still had a future.

“I want to see you.”

The next message took you by surprise. Sofia wanted to see you, now. Your first instinct was to refuse, to look for an excuse, something that would allow you to avoid the inevitable confrontation. But how do you say no to your best friend at her worst moment?

“Of course. Tell me where you are.”

In less than fifteen minutes, you were at her front door. Sofia greeted you with swollen eyes and a tired face. There was no trace of the girl who just a few days ago was excited to save her relationship.

“Thanks for coming,” she whispered as she let you in.

You entered the living room, where the atmosphere was as heavy as Sofia’s gaze. She sat on the couch and you sat next to her, feeling the weight of guilt in every fiber of your body.

“I don’t understand what happened,” she finally said, breaking the silence. “We were fine… at least I thought we were fine.”

The sincerity in her voice broke you. You wanted to tell her the truth, but you knew that doing so would destroy everything: your friendship, your trust, everything you had built together. So you stayed silent, letting her vent.

“She didn’t even give me a reason,” she continued, nervously playing with her hands. “She just said she couldn’t go on. I don’t understand…

And you didn’t understand how you had gotten to this point either. How had you allowed everything to fall apart so quickly?

“Sof…” you began, but the words caught in your throat. What could you say that didn’t sound hollow? “Sometimes… people are cowards. They don’t know how to handle things and they end up running away.”

She looked at you with eyes full of tears.

“Do you think that’s it? That she just… didn’t know how to handle it?”

You nodded slowly, even though you knew the truth was much more complicated. It wasn’t just that. It was Rafe, it was desire, it was everything they had both done behind each other’s backs.

“Sofia, he doesn’t deserve you if he can’t be honest with you.” It was the most sincere thing you could offer her without giving yourself away.

She sighed, letting her head fall on your shoulder.

“Maybe you’re right. But… it hurts. It hurts so much.”

And as you comforted her, you felt your own heart break in two. Because you knew that Sofia’s pain was, in part, your fault.

The weeks following Sofia's breakup with Rafe became an emotional whirlwind that seemed impossible to escape. Sofia, devastated and confused, sought your comfort constantly. And you... you were there for her, like the loyal friend you had always been. But guilt slowly consumed you.

Every time she cried on your shoulder, every time she asked for advice, a part of you was torn apart. Because while you offered her words of support, while you told her everything would be okay, that she deserved better... you continued to secretly see Rafe.

Rafe, who had promised to leave her, who had said everything would be easier once he did. But nothing was easy. The guilt, the tension, the constant lying... it all weighed more than you had imagined.

One afternoon, Sofia showed up at your house with swollen eyes and a broken voice.

"I don't know what to do, I still love him. I can't stop thinking about him."

You stayed silent, biting your lip, trying to contain the torrent of emotions that was overwhelming you. You loved her so much, but you loved him too. It was a paradox that was tearing you apart from the inside.

“Maybe… maybe it’s best that you try to move on,” you finally said, your voice shaking.

She looked at you with eyes full of despair.

“Move on? I can’t. How do you move on when everything you wanted was with him?”

You didn’t know what to answer. Because you were living that same contradiction. You were trapped in something you didn’t want to let go of, but you knew it was destroying you.

Later that night, your phone vibrated on your nightstand. You knew who it was before you looked at the screen. Rafe.

The message was simple, direct.

“Come see me.”

You hesitated. You wanted to go. You wanted to see him, to feel the fleeting relief that being with him gave you, even if it was only for a few hours. But every time you did, the guilt sank deeper.

Finally, you gave in. You arrived at his house when the sky was already dark, and the warm light that illuminated the entrance seemed to mock you. You entered with a divided heart.

Rafe was waiting for you in the living room, leaning on the edge of the table, with that look that always managed to disarm you. The air tensed as soon as your eyes met.

“How is Sofia?” he asked, although he didn’t seem really interested in the answer.

“Bad,” you said frankly. “I have a hard time being around her… knowing what we’re doing.”

Rafe took a step towards you, his blue eyes fixed on yours, intense and challenging.

“Why do we keep hiding?” he asked, his voice low but firm. “She should know.”

The weight of his words fell on you like a stone. You took a step back, shaking your head.

“No. She can’t know. Not now. She’s broken, Rafe. If she finds out now… I’ll lose her forever.”

He frowned, frustrated.

“So what? Are we going to stay like this forever? I want you, not her.”

Your heart stopped for a second. There was something about the way he said it, with such certainty, such conviction, that for a moment you almost let yourself go. Almost.

“I can’t do that to her, Rafe,” you whispered, almost begging. “I can’t be the reason for her pain.”

“What about you?” he replied, moving closer, his hands finding yours.

You looked at him, caught between desire and guilt. Yes, you wanted to be happy. But at what cost?

“I can’t be happy at her expense,” you said, your voice breaking.

Rafe watched you in silence for a few seconds, his eyes assessing you, as if trying to understand the internal battle you were fighting. Finally, he sighed.

“I don’t want her. I want you.”

Your eyes filled with tears. You knew it. You had known it for a long time. But hearing it out loud, said so clearly, made it more real… and more impossible to ignore.

“It’s not that easy,” you murmured, looking away.

“It doesn’t have to be hard. Just tell me you love me too.”

You couldn't answer. Because your heart that was beating wildly, the way your hands trembled in his, and how, despite everything, you kept coming back to him, had already said it all for you.

"Don't make this any harder," you begged, your voice almost inaudible.

Rafe came even closer, his lips brushing your cheek in a gesture that was both soft and desperate.

"Sooner or later, he's going to find out. I can't keep pretending that I don't want to be with you."

The following days you felt trapped between the happiness of finally being with him and the anguish of what was to come. You knew that nothing good could come of this, but Rafe seemed to be in a different reality.

He wasted no time in integrating you into his world, a world that until then had been foreign to you. The first time he took you to one of those meetings with his friends was completely unexpected. He had insisted that you accompany him, assuring you that it would be something casual, just a relaxing afternoon. You had no choice but to accept, even though a part of you screamed that you shouldn't.

When you arrived, the atmosphere was full of laughter, music, and carefree conversations. Rafe's friends, the same ones Sofia used to hang out with, greeted you with smiles and greetings as if everything was perfectly normal. But the most shocking moment came when, almost casually, Rafe introduced you as if nothing had happened:

“She's my girlfriend.”

Your heart stopped for a moment. You hadn't even talked about what you were. You hadn't defined anything. But he said it so naturally, with such confidence, that his words hung in the air. You felt everyone's gazes on you, evaluating you, judging you. Some seemed surprised, others simply accepted the information without further ado.

You tried to stay calm, smiling slightly as your mind raced. He had crossed a line without consulting you, and it left you baffled. However, you didn't say anything at that moment. You didn't want to make a scene, not there, not in front of everyone.

For the rest of the evening, you stayed out of the way, watching, analyzing every move, every glance. Rafe, on the other hand, seemed comfortable, unconcerned, as if there was nothing left to hide. Every now and then, he'd come up to you, put his arm around you, or give you a kiss on the cheek, marking his territory without caring who was watching.

But you knew this wasn't going to go unnoticed. Sofia and those friends shared circles, rumors spread quickly in that environment. Sooner or later, she was going to find out.

That night, when you returned home, you couldn't help but confront him.

"Why did you tell them I'm your girlfriend?" you asked, your voice tenser than you had planned.

Rafe looked at you calmly, as if he didn't understand your concern.

"Because you are."

“But we hadn't talked about it. You didn't ask me.”

He shrugged, as if it didn't matter.

“I didn't see the need to talk about it. You and I are together. That's all that matters.”

His words, though simple, didn't ease the anxiety that was eating away at you inside. Because you knew that for him it was easy to say it, easy to act as if there were no consequences. But for you, for Sofia... none of this would be easy.

That night, as you lay in your bed, the weight of the situation kept you awake. You wondered how many more days could pass before everything exploded, before Sofia discovered the truth and your whole world fell apart.

And as you had said, Sofia found out. You didn't know exactly how, if it was because of the rumors that spread like wildfire in that closed circle or if someone, perhaps with malicious intentions, decided to tell her the truth. But the result was the same: your friendship with her, the relationship you valued so much, was about to break.

It all happened one afternoon when Sofia, with a dry and direct message, asked you to go to her house. "We need to talk." Two words that already gave you an idea of ​​what was to come. You felt a knot in your stomach as you headed to her house, as if every step you took brought you closer to the edge of a cliff.

When you arrived, Sofia was waiting for you in the living room. There was no trace of the kind and warm Sofia who always greeted you with a smile. Her eyes, usually full of sweetness, now shone with a mix of pain, anger and betrayal.

“How long?” she asked you without preamble, her voice cold, sharp.

You tried to stay calm, but your hands were shaking slightly.

“Sofia, I...”

“How long have you been with Rafe?” she repeated, this time with more force, her eyes fixed on yours as if they wanted to pierce you.

The silence that followed was deafening. You knew that lying was pointless, so you took a deep breath and confessed:

“For a while now… after the trip.”

Sofia’s expression changed in an instant. The pain turned into anger, an anger you had not seen in her before.

“After the trip?” she blurted out in disbelief, taking a step towards you. “While I was trying to save my relationship with him, you were with him behind my back?.”

You tried to explain yourself, but every word felt empty, useless.

“It wasn’t planned, Sofia. I didn’t want it to happen.”

“But it happened!” she interrupted you, her voice breaking. “You were my best friend, I trusted you. I thought you were on my side, that you supported me… and all this time you were with him.”

You felt her pain stab you like a dagger. It was true. You had betrayed her trust, something you never thought you would do, but now it was impossible to deny.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” you said in a whisper, knowing that your words wouldn’t be enough.

Sofia laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh of joy. It was a bitter laugh, full of disappointment.

“You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did. You took away the person I loved, and not only that, you also took away my best friend.”

The truth of her words hit you hard. You had lost something irreplaceable: her friendship.

“Sofia, please… can we talk, can we…”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she interrupted you again. “Everything has already been said. I don’t know who you are. I don’t want to know anything more about you.”

Each word was like a stab. You wanted to hug her, to ask for forgiveness, but the wall that had been raised between the two of you was too high, too thick. Sofia looked at you one last time, her gaze full of resentment and pain, before turning and walking away.

You stayed there, alone in that room that had previously witnessed so much laughter, now empty of everything you had shared with her.

When you left her house, the weight of guilt and sadness became unbearable. You had lost Sofia, and the worst of all was that you knew there was no turning back. The lines you had crossed with Rafe had broken something that could not be repaired.

That night, Rafe texted you, as always, asking how you were. But this time, you didn't reply. Because nothing was right.

The next day, everything felt different. The breakup with Sofia still weighed on your chest, like an open wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. You'd barely slept, and when you finally opened your eyes, the first thing you felt was that emptiness that your friendship used to fill.

Rafe noticed it right away. You weren't the same. Your answers were short, your eyes avoided his, and your every move seemed laden with a sadness you couldn't hide. Still, he was there. He texted you early that morning, offering to spend the day with you, to which, after a moment's hesitation, you agreed.

When he got to your house, he didn't say much. He simply looked at you, understanding that there was something broken in you, something that he, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't fix. But that didn't stop him from trying.

“Come on, get out of here for a while,” he said softly, taking your hand with a gentleness unusual for him.

You went out together, and even though you didn’t feel like doing anything, he didn’t leave you alone. You walked along the beach, that same beach that had witnessed so many moments between you two, but that now seemed laden with a silent melancholy.

Rafe tried to distract you. He bought you coffee, he took you to a secluded place where you used to escape from the world, he even tried to make you laugh with jokes that normally would have worked. But not today. Today everything seemed out of place.

At one point, as you walked along a deserted path, you stopped.

“I shouldn’t be here with you, Rafe,” you murmured, looking at the ground, as if the words hurt to come out. “Not after what happened.”

He looked at you in silence for a few seconds, his face serious but not losing that touch of tenderness that he rarely showed.

“I know you’re sad,” he said finally. “And I'm not going to pretend that this isn't complicated… but I'm here because I want to be here. Because I want to be with you.”

You didn't know what to say. His presence was comforting, yes, but it was also the reason for your loss. You felt a constant struggle between guilt and desire, between what was right and what made you feel alive.

Later, when you both sat on the sand in front of the sea, the sun was beginning to set on the horizon. Rafe put an arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer to him. You let yourself go, resting your head on his chest while you listened to his heartbeat, strong and constant, as if he were trying to transmit some of his own calm to you.

“You're not alone, you know that?,” he murmured.

“I feel alone.” Your voice was barely a whisper.

He didn't respond immediately. He just held you tighter, as if that was enough to keep you whole, even if inside you felt like you were broken.

You spent the rest of the day together. There were no big words or extravagant gestures, just the silent company of someone who wanted to be there, even if he knew everything was strange, complicated, almost impossible.

When you finally returned home, Rafe walked you to the door. Before saying goodbye, he looked at you with an intensity that made you tremble.

“If I could, I would fix everything for you,” he said, almost in a whisper. “But for now, just let me be here.”

And even though you knew that relationship was built on a fragile foundation, that night you decided that, at least for one more moment, you would accept his company.

As the days went by, things calmed down. Rafe was more present than ever, and even though you felt like your world had fallen apart, he was still there, constant, firm, and increasingly involved in your life. But the void that Sofia had left was still there, reminding you of everything you had lost.

One afternoon, while you were at his house, lost in your thoughts on the patio, Rafe appeared with that confidence he always had, as if everything in his world was under control. He sat in front of you, looking at you with a seriousness he rarely showed.

“We need to talk.” His voice was low, but firm.

You looked at him, somewhat nervous. There was something in his expression that made you tense.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, crossing your arms, trying to prepare yourself for whatever was coming.

Rafe leaned forward, his eyes locked on yours.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.”

The air seemed to have suddenly become thicker. You looked at him, surprised, not knowing how to react.

“Your… girlfriend?.” you repeated, as if you hadn’t quite understood.

He nodded, not looking away.

“Yes. I don’t want to keep hiding, I don’t want this to be something half-baked. I want you to be mine, and I want everyone to know it.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You had waited for this moment, somehow, but now that it was happening, a mix of emotions flooded over you. There was a part of you that wanted it, that wanted to accept and leave all the guilt and fear behind. But there was also that other part, the one that knew things weren’t that simple.

“Rafe… this isn’t easy.” You tried to find the right words, but he interrupted you.

“It doesn’t have to be easy,” he said, with that characteristic confidence. “It just has to be real. I love you, and you love me. What else matters?.”

You stayed silent. You knew he was partly right, but you also knew that accepting meant definitely giving up any chance of regaining your friendship with Sofia.

After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, you took a deep breath and nodded.

“Okay.” The words came out softly, almost shakily. “I accept.”

Rafe smiled, that smile that always made you feel like everything would be okay. He leaned in and kissed you, a soft kiss, full of a silent promise. You were his now, and he was yours.

The next day, you decided it was time to try something you had been avoiding: talking to Sofia. Now that you were with Rafe, you thought it was the right thing to do, to make things clear. Enough time had passed since everything fell apart, and although you knew it would be difficult, you wanted to, at least, try to fix things.

You called her first, but she didn’t answer. So, gathering your courage, you went straight to her house. When she opened the door for you, her face reflected surprise, but also a coldness that you had never seen in her before.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, without inviting you in.

“Sofia… I wanted to talk to you.”

She looked at you in silence for a few seconds, before crossing her arms.

“I don’t know what else there is to say.”

You felt the weight of her words, but you didn’t give up.

“I know I screwed up, and I know you probably don’t want to talk to me again, but… I miss you. You were my best friend, and I don’t want this to end like this.”

Sofia looked at you with a mix of hurt and anger.

“Do you miss me?” she repeated, her voice full of sarcasm. “Because I confided everything to you. I confided my relationship to you, I confided my problems to you, and you…” Her voice cracked a little, but she quickly recovered. “You were with him behind my back.”

You tried to explain, but she held up a hand to stop you.

“I don’t want to hear excuses.” She said it with a cold calm that hurt more than if she had shouted. “What you did… can’t be fixed with words.”

You stood there, feeling how every attempt to get closer was rejected. You knew you were right about many things, but you also knew there was no turning back.

“I just wanted you to know…” you said finally, your voice breaking. “That I’m sorry.”

Sofia didn’t answer right away. She simply looked at you, as if she was evaluating how sincere you were.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.” Her voice was firm, but there was a trace of sadness in her eyes. “But for now… I’d rather you didn’t come back.”

The words were a final blow. You turned around and walked out, feeling the door close behind you, marking the definitive end of something that was once important.

When you returned home, Rafe was there, waiting for you. He welcomed you with a hug, as if he understood without you saying anything.

“How was it?” he asked softly.

You didn’t answer. You just held onto him tightly, feeling the tears you had been holding back finally come out.

You had lost Sofia. But at least, for now, you had Rafe. And that, at that moment, had to be enough.

Despite everything you had lost and the pain that the breakup with Sofia had left you with, there was something that was beginning to heal inside you: your relationship with Rafe. Against all odds, he had become someone who made you feel safe, wanted, and, above all, loved.

The days with him were different. It didn’t matter how much chaos surrounded your lives, because when you were with him, everything seemed to make sense. Rafe, the boy who had previously seemed unattainable, focused on himself and his own world, was now yours completely. And he didn't just show it to you with words, but with constant actions that spoke louder than any promise.

There were the small, everyday gestures: he would show up at your house unannounced, with your favorite coffee in his hand, or some flower he had plucked from who knows where, just because he knew it would make you smile. The text messages at any time of the day, reminding you how much he loved you, how he thought of you even in the middle of his routine. He was always there, making sure you knew you were the most important thing in his life.

But there was something you never imagined he would do. Rafe Cameron, the boy who had always been reserved, even in his way of expressing himself, had gone above and beyond.

One afternoon, while you were at his house, both of you lying on the couch, he began to play with your hand, tracing soft circles on your skin. There was a calmness in the air, a peace that you both shared. Suddenly, he sat up and looked at you with a mischievous smile on his lips.

“I have something to show you,” he said, with that spark in his eyes that always intrigued you.

You looked at him, curious, as he stood up and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt a little, revealing the inside of his arm. And there it was: a small, delicate tattoo, just below the crook of his elbow. Your name. It wasn’t big or flashy, but it was perfect. The typography was simple, clean, elegant, almost like he was whispering rather than shouting.

You were speechless. You knew tattoos weren’t his thing. Rafe had always been more of a minimalist, averse to anything that could permanently alter his appearance. But there he was, with your name etched into his skin.

“You did it for me?” you asked, still taking in what you saw.

He smiled, that soft, genuine smile he rarely showed.

“For you,” he answered without hesitation. “Because I want you to know this is forever.”

You felt a warmth in your chest, a mix of happiness and excitement that you couldn’t contain. You gently stroked the skin around the tattoo, admiring the way it looked. It was something subtle, but meaningful, like he had found the perfect way to show you how much he loved you without losing his essence.

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, still in disbelief. “You… weren’t into tattoos.”

Rafe shrugged, downplaying it.

“It wasn’t,” he admitted. “But some things are worth it. And you… you’re worth it.”

The words hit you hard, but in a sweet way. You hugged him, wrapping your arms around him, feeling his heart beat against your chest. At that moment, you knew that, despite everything, you had made the right decision.

From then on, every time you saw him, your eyes inevitably returned to that tattoo. It was a constant, a reminder of what you had built together, of how he had decided to bet on you. Even in his busiest moments, at meetings with his friends or in the busiest places, that little detail made you feel special, as if you were always present in his life, even when you weren't physically by his side.

You were fine with Rafe. It had been weeks since everything changed, since you crossed that line that you had so feared, but that now seemed to have been the best decision you had made. The relationship was moving at its own pace, neither too fast nor too slow, just the way you liked it. You didn't want to force anything, and Rafe seemed to understand that perfectly.

The days with him were a mix of tranquility and passion. They had found a balance. They went out together, shared moments in the privacy of their home or walked around the city, but always with that complicity that made them feel unique. There was no rush, nor expectations beyond what both of them could handle. You were fine, really fine.

You had tried to talk to Sofia again on more than one occasion. You tried because, despite everything, she had been your best friend. You knew you couldn't erase the shared history or the memories you still treasured.

The first time you looked for her, it was complicated. She didn't want to see you. She didn't answer your messages or your calls. It didn't surprise you, but it still hurt. The second time, you managed to meet her at an event that you were both invited to. You approached her, with every intention of explaining, of asking for forgiveness, of trying to save what little was left between you.

"Sofia," you called her cautiously, trying to get her attention. "Can we talk?"

She looked at you, her eyes cold, distant, nothing like the warmth they used to have when you were her confidant.

"There's nothing to talk about," she said bluntly, making it clear that there was no room for second chances.

You accepted her decision. You understood that some things simply couldn't be fixed, that there were wounds that wouldn't heal, and that the price you had paid for being with Rafe had been high. But, for the first time, you didn't feel guilty. You had done what you could, and now you just had to move on.

A few days after that last conversation with Sofia, you spoke to your mother. You needed to talk to someone, to get advice, or simply to feel the comfort that only she could offer.

You told her everything: how you had tried to repair the relationship with Sofia, how Rafe had become a fundamental part of your life, and how, despite everything, you were happy with him.

Your mother listened to you attentively, with that wise look she had always had. When you finished speaking, she put her cup aside and looked at you seriously.

“Did you do all this for a man?” she asked you, her tone firm but without judgment.

“Not just for him, Mom,” you answered. “I did it for me too. Because I love him.”

She nodded slowly, processing your words. Then, with that frankness that had always characterized her, she challenged you:

“So, if you love him so much and you have come this far, you better marry him.”

The phrase took you by surprise, but it didn’t bother you. It was typical of your mother to be direct, and deep down, you knew she was right. You stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking.

“You know what? I think I will,” you said with a soft smile. “I’m sure I’m going to marry him.”

And you were. Because, despite everything you had been through, the losses and the difficult decisions, Rafe was the man you wanted to build your future with.

Since that conversation with your mother, the idea of ​​marrying Rafe stopped being just a fleeting thought. It became something tangible, something you saw in every gesture of his, in every look, in every moment you shared.

Rafe showed you that day after day. He was there for you on good days and bad, taking care of you, protecting you, making sure you knew how much he loved you. And you reciprocated that love with the same intensity. You had found in him a stability you never imagined having, a peace that made you feel complete.

You didn't know when or how it would happen, but you were sure that when the time came, you would be ready to say "yes."

And after so much, a year had passed. A year since everything changed, since you crossed that line you never thought you would cross, and since, with Rafe, everything took a new shape. You had learned so much in that time. Not only about him, but about yourself, about what love and complicity in a relationship meant. It had been a year full of intense moments, of ups and downs, of doubts and certainties. But now, looking back, you could only smile at everything you had experienced with him. 

After a while, you had gone to live with him. Your parents had helped you move in and, strangely, they had gotten along very well with Rafe, being that your parents were somewhat peculiar and he was too. Now they were on the beach, a quiet afternoon, just before the sun set. The sound of the waves gently breaking on the shore and the fresh air caressing your face created the perfect atmosphere. They were sitting together on the sand, enjoying the peace, each other's company, without the need for words. Everything seemed to be in place.

Rafe, who had been looking at the horizon, looked at you with a different, more intense expression. He gently took your hands, as if he wanted to make sure you would feel it. His deep gaze left you speechless, and your heart beat faster at the seriousness on his face.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked you, as if he needed to confirm it, even though you knew you did.

You nodded, smiling tenderly. There was no doubt that you wanted him, that you loved him.

But what happened next took your breath away. Rafe stood up, gently put you down, and walked over to a small backpack he had left nearby. From there he pulled out a small box, and your heart skipped a beat. It had been a year full of hints, of little moments in which the two of you talked about the future, about the possibility of taking the next step. But you never thought it would be so soon, not so soon after everything that had happened.

Calmly, he walked back to your side, opening the box with a shaking hand, and inside, a ring gleamed in the evening light. It was delicate, perfect for you. It had a soft glow, but what made it truly special was its story: his mother’s ring, a jewel that had been passed down through generations of his family.

Rafe looked into your eyes, waiting for you to process what was happening. The sound of the waves was the only thing breaking the silence, but at that moment, everything else disappeared.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said, his voice firm but charged with emotion. “I’ve asked you to be my girlfriend, and now I want you to be my wife.”

Your heart raced. Everything you had imagined, everything you had felt during that year, everything you had experienced with him, was condensed in that very moment. Rafe wanted to be with you, not just now, but always.

“Yes,” you answered, almost without thinking. Yes, because you loved him, yes, because you couldn't imagine your life without him, yes, because he had spent a whole year showing you what love really meant.

The sun was beginning to set behind him, tinting the sky in warm tones. At that moment, there was nothing more important than being there, next to him, knowing that the future they both dreamed of was within reach.

And even though it wasn’t the first time he had proposed to you, this was the most special. Rafe had done it before, a couple of times, but always in spontaneous moments, almost as if he said it without thinking. Each time, you had responded with a smile and a nervous laugh, because deep down, you knew you weren’t ready yet. It wasn’t that you didn’t love him, it wasn’t that you didn’t feel completely happy with him. It was just that, sometimes, the idea of ​​getting married so quickly scared you. You wanted to be sure that it was the right thing to do, that you were both ready to take that step. 

But as time went by, everything started to fall into place. You had shared moments so deep, so intense, that the commitment to get married didn’t seem so intimidating anymore. You accepted Rafe’s proposal not out of obligation, not because he was asking you to, but because you knew it was what you really wanted. You had been patient, and in those moments when you had questioned yourself, you had found the answer. 

It was several minutes before you said anything. You just stared at him, the ring on your finger, feeling the weight of what it represented. Finally, you hugged him. You didn't need words, because everything was clear between the two of you. You knew that the rest of your life would be with Rafe, and that made you happier than you ever thought you would be. 

You had lost a friendship, and although at first the idea of ​​losing Sofia had torn you apart, as time went by you realized that you no longer regretted it. Everything that had happened between you, Rafe, and her was behind you, like a page in a book that now had nothing but scars and memories. It wasn't easy to say it, but in the end you knew that it had been necessary. The decisions you had made, although painful, had brought you to a place where you felt complete, to a place where you knew who you were and what you wanted. 

You looked back only to realize that you had grown. The weight of loss no longer crushed you, not the way it once did. You had gotten over the pain of losing a friend you once considered almost a sister, but now you knew that in life, people change, and sometimes, those same people have to let you go so you can move on. Love, decisions, the paths you take... all of that comes with a price.

With Rafe at your side, you had found something new, something that completed you in a way you never thought possible. And what you had lost with Sofia, as much as it hurt, allowed you to open the door to what was yours, what you deserved.

You were there, sitting on the sand in silence, watching the waves gently crash against the shore. The sun was already beginning to disappear on the horizon, dyeing everything in orange and pink tones. Rafe broke the silence, his voice soft but full of intention.

“Do you know what I want most in life?” you asked him.

He looked at you, smiling softly.

“What is it?” he asked, curious.

“I want children. I want a family.” You took his hands, looking at the horizon as if you were visualizing that future. “I want our children to grow up and look like you, like us. And I want to be the best mother I can be.”

“And I want that,” he answered sincerely, squeezing your hands gently. “I want a family. I want our children to be more like you than me. I want to be the father they need, always.”

You looked at him tenderly, caressing his face with your fingertips.

“And I'm going to help you with that. We're going to do it together.” You smiled, feeling your heart beating hard, sure of what you were saying. “I already have everything planned in my mind. And I know it's going to be amazing. No matter what happens, we're going to do it together.”

Rafe smiled, a sparkle in his eyes, grateful and hopeful.

“I never thought I'd find someone like you” he said, his voice low, but full of emotion.

“Just you and me.” you said before giving him a kiss.

He hugged you, and for a moment, the world disappeared. There was only you and him, the sound of the waves, and that future that now felt so close, so real.

Now, standing there, with the ring on your finger and the promise of a future full of love and adventure, you knew that what was coming would be the best for you. The past was behind you, with all that it entailed. You no longer felt resentment or remorse. You had done what you thought was right at the time, and you had done it for yourself, for the love you had found.

Now you were going to do something new. It wasn't just a new beginning with Rafe, but a new chapter for yourself. You were no longer just the girl who had been caught in an emotional triangle, or the one who had had to choose between two people. You were now someone who knew what she wanted, who had learned to make difficult decisions, accept the consequences, and move forward with her head held high.

With Rafe, and with the commitment that your ring now represented, you were going to create something completely new. Something that didn't depend on what had happened, but on what was to come. No looking back, no regrets. Because in the end, only you knew what made you happy, and now you had the chance to live it.

THE END

[persephoneed]

I was going to ignore this post, but the more I thought about it and how many notes it had, the more it bothered me and asdfghjkl I need to get this out of my system.

So Elphaba, my beloved, was not selfish in asking her best friend to join her against Ozian fascism. I’m more than a little aghast at the suggestion of it. Like…doing the right thing isn’t always what’s popular, but that’s often true for real life too. It’s not selfish to ask real people to make those same sacrifices, so I’m not sure why that would be applicable here. Glinda may not be for the systematic oppression of Animals, but she’s certainly complacent in it, and it isn’t wrong to criticize her for it.

It is also not easier for Elphaba to do the right thing because she has always been hated and ostracized. She is an incredibly vulnerable and marginalized person and making herself an enemy of the state comes at an increased personal risk. I think it really undermines her courage and strength of character to present her choice this way. If anything, her desire to be loved and to be seen as “making good” should have made it easier for Madam Morrible and the so-called “Wizard” to manipulate and exploit her. She was literally being groomed to be a corrupt government’s weapon and subsequently tricked into creating their army of spies, but she had the moral backbone to fly walk away.

We should be unanimously celebrating Elphaba’s decision and her fortitude; we should not be shaming her for asking her (again) best friend to join the cause with her instead of joining the one that’s against her.

And respectfully, I’m also not sure why you (or anyone) would be sick of “people acting like Glinda made the ‘wrong choice’”…she did make the wrong choice. That’s the whole point. Even she becomes aware of this herself in the second act of the show. The entire concept of this story is to ponder the questions of “Was the Wicked Witch of the West actually wicked?” “Was Glinda the Good Witch actually good?” “Was the Wonderful Wizard of Oz actually wonderful?” “Was everything in Oz as it seemed?”

Of course some of these questions have nuance to them, and I’m not trying to suggest that Glinda is this tainted and irredeemable villain. I love Glinda! She can be so ridiculous and silly! But that doesn’t put her above any criticism. Over the course of the first act, we see her exhibit a lot of personal growth; however, she continually falls short in a lot of ways politically.

Yes, she and Elphaba eventually become friends, but let’s not forget how relentlessly Glinda bullied her and encouraged the entire student body of Shiz to do the same because of the color of her skin. Glinda has sympathy for the Animals, I’m sure, but she doesn’t share Elphaba’s level of outrage towards Dr. Dillamond’s dismissal or any real desire to go against the grain. I don’t believe she would have freed the lion cub the way that Elphaba and Fiyero did, if she’d been given the same opportunity to do so. She was also incredibly irritated by Dr. Dillamond’s difficulty in pronouncing her name and only changed it in his honor later because she thought it would impress Fiyero.

She can be well meaning, and I understand the inclination to give her some grace because she’s so damn likable, but that doesn’t make her any less performative in her politics. She was given a choice, and it wasn’t a choice without consequence, but it was a choice nonetheless, and she chose wrong.

TLDR: Elphaba as an underprivileged person has way more to lose by making her choice than this post implies and is not selfish for asking Glinda, an incredibly privileged person, to join her in doing the right thing. Glinda is in fact wrong for making a different choice, and it’s okay to say it.

I love how inherently selfish both Glinda AND Elphaba are as protagonists. But where one gets praised and admired for it, the other gets demonised and hated.

People always attack Glinda’s decision not to runaway with Elphaba, but no one acknowledges how overtly selfish it is to ask that of someone.

Elphaba is asking Glinda to throw her ENTIRE life away for her. To be ostracised and hated all throughout Oz when she knows full well how badly Glinda cares about what people think of her.

And while Elphaba is used to such ostracisation, Glinda is not.

It is an equally selfish decision to refuse Elphaba request. To perpetuate corrupt beliefs you don’t believe; in order to be accepted and validated by people in power.

They’re BOTH in the wrong, for entirely different reasons. It was an impossible situation with no right answer. And I’m sick of people acting like Glinda made the “ wrong choice ”

[phantomwithbreakfast]

~ Danny Phantom ~

“What does it feel like? To be terrified of yourself—of what you are becoming? The future looms not like an open road but a trap, a dark inevitability. You’re not waiting for it, not watching for it. You’re running. Trying to ignore the whispers in your head, lying to yourself that it’s fine, that it’ll always be fine.”

When the sun goes under the line called a horizon, the night sky comes to life. A silvery moon’s light bathing the eerie glow of an aura, catching the shadow out of the black.

The darkness surrounded him, with little sparks of hope. Stars that couldn’t catch him, neither he could catch.

His veins flowing with cold fire, tingling skin feeling intangible. A mind that’s filled with hollow, yet spiraling in chaos. Split into divergent, until down and dusk.

Why are you doing this to me? You leave me standing here, can’t you see. I was lost in your eyes, this was never meant to arise. You were my hero, always to be. But now you’ve vanished, you’re no longer with me.

We tried to carry on, but it wasn’t right. Forever burned in memory, like a song in the night.

Why does this hurt, hurt so much. It was never meant to be, as such. You gave me strength to stand alone, but now I cry when I’m on my own. Drowning inside, lost in a sea, why are you doing this to me? It makes me weak, a strange kind of ache, you’ll never understand the pain I take.

The memories keep running on, of how it used to be, before you were gone. The hero you were is no longer here, you flew away, so light, like a feather near. Don’t do this to me, please come back.

I still wonder why it had to be this way, so much potential, yet it all went astray. You went a different path, never to be seen, this wasn’t meant to happen, it was too obscene.

It lingers like a song, etched in my mind, it should have brought us joy, a love so kind. Like a song, will you ever return?

When will you be here again? I miss you more with every grain. Forever chained within my heart, I bring you to life through every art. In my memory, you’ll always remain, and beside you, I’ll forever stand.

“I want to cry, I want to scream, but I can’t. I mustn’t.”

The storm raged on, tearing through the night. Shadows of fear and regret clung to her like chains.

“Take my hand,” Danny said, his voice calm, cutting through the chaos.

“Why? So you can watch me crumble? So I can drag you down with me?”

His eyes softened, but his hand never wavered. “If you crumble, I’ll catch you, I’ll follow. Just trust me.”

“You… don’t understand.”

“I don’t need to understand,” he said softly. “I’ll carry you, no matter what happens, I’ll never let you fall.”

Slowly and with a trembling hand, she reached for him. Their fingers met, and his grip was strong, cold but alive—everything she thought she’d lost.

The chaos began to still, and she felt the faint echo of something she thought was gone.

Hope.

Those were random texts I wrote through the years of my own existence.

———————

You can read my Phan Fics on FanFiction.net. PhantomWithBreakfast

———————

Note to myself again…

About the drawings, I was just playing (practicing) with lighting, shading, etc…

Expressions, mouths... Yeah, still working on that. I was too lazy to shade the hair, lol.

Still hate drawing hands.

And the funny thing is, just because I’m drawing every day, I’ll always find new ways to try to improve my art (duh). Because I’m never happy when I’ve ‘finished’ one.

[wonderwall-dreaming]

One of my biggest grievances with Gladiator II is how underdeveloped Geta and Caracalla were as characters individually and also within their relationship.

I’ve only skimmed through the screenplay, but from what I’ve seen there were a few lines here and there from scenes we did get that would’ve helped establish them and their relationship that were cut out.

This scene being fully cut is a shame. Had this been kept in the final cut I think it would’ve helped a great deal. I understand that it’s hard to keep everything in the final cut, but even keeping lines that were thrown away in scenes we did end up getting would’ve done wonders if this scene was always going to be cut.

It’s frustrating because they’re built up to be these big bad emperors who are just pure evil, but the thing is, I don’t think the movie delivered on that all that well.

I think Joe and Fred did a good job separating Geta and Caracalla with their performances, but what we get in the movie doesn’t make them seem all that different most of the time. The differences you do see are mostly because of the choices Joe and Fred made. It doesn’t necessarily feel like it’s in the writing.

Reading through the screenplay though it is very clear how different they are and the final cut of the film did a disservice to them as characters.

Sure, you can tell that Geta is slightly more level-headed than his brother and that Caracalla is truly unhinged, but it’s poorly structured and we have to rely on Joe and Fred as actors to tell us that instead of having the writing. The thing is, the writing was there, they just got rid of most of it.

Again, I understand that things get cut. I’m not saying this is uncommon, but it feels like, for them at least, that a lot of what would define them as individuals and establish their relationship was cut and that feels weird to me.

It felt as if in the marketing and the cast interviews we got that they were going to be more than they were and the original screenplay backs that up, but most of it was cut and unfortunately, in my opinion, the film doesn’t deliver on what we were told during those interviews.

Your audience should not have to rely on actors' choices to tell them something about who their character is and what their relationship to another is. It should be in your writing in the final cut.

[rosinasnoot]

Huh, this is a trait I also have. Sometimes my grandparents, for example, ask me for help with something and I find it deeply confusing because I just google it for them and they could have done that themselves. Why would my reasonably tech-savvy grandparents ask for this help when they absolutely do not need it?

Why would they face the potential shame and embarrassment of asking for help when they don’t have to?

So it’s interesting to consider that that may just be how I feel about asking for help, due to the particular setup of my brain, instead of a standard thing most people experience. A couple of reasons this may happen for me:

- I’m very bad at acknowledging my own limitations (I’m working on it). The ones I run into most often are the social limitations, the things I see everyone else doing that I can never seem to get right. It’s very easy to fall into the mindset of “well, if I just tried harder I could surely do this thing I’ve struggled with my whole life.” The fact that the trying hasn’t worked is irrelevant. Surely it’ll work this time…

In the same vein, if I encounter something I don’t know how to do, I’ll experiment. Fiddle with the settings, try finding keywords to google, etc, until I either figure it out or give up. Asking for help doesn’t factor in—either I should be able to do it or it’s impossible (I tried).

- I don’t want to ask for help, even when I need it. I pride myself on being able to “figure things out,” on not needing help, which is what the phrase “compulsory independence” brings to mind. What if one day I really need help and it’s not there? Won’t these skills come in handy then? Part of it is that I like the challenge; specifically, I like challenges that I most likely can overcome with enough effort. Asking for help feels worse than giving up—it feels like cheating. Imposter syndrome narrows its eyes suspiciously at the clear attempt to make myself look more capable than I am.

- By the time I do get around to asking for help, I’ve “tried everything.” If it’s such a big problem that I deem it worth asking for help, then I’ve already come at the problem from fifteen different angles and all of them have been dead ends. I don’t know how to articulate what I’ve already done (hell, I may not even remember all of it), so I usually get halfway into a script for asking for help and then give up writing it. But I can’t give up on the original problem, so I’ll try a few more ideas, digging myself ever deeper into the “I don’t know how to explain what I need help with” hole.

- Unless someone has directly led me to the situation I need help with, even if they have the knowledge to help me it simply won’t occur to me to ask them (as long as it’s a small enough thing that giving up is a viable option). I’m not sure why this is—cognitively I understand that they can help me, and I’ll probably think of them if you ask me about it, but on my own it won’t even cross my mind.

I realized the other day that the reason I didn't watch much TV as a teenager (and why I'm only now catching up on late aughts/early teens media that I missed), is because I literally didn't understand how to use our TV. My parents got a new system, and it had three remotes with a Venn diagram of functions. If someone left the TV on an unfamiliar mode, I didn't know how to get back to where I wanted to be, so I just stopped watching TV on my own altogether.

I explained all this to my therapist, because I didn't know if this was more related to my then-unnoticed autism, or to my relationship with my parents at the time (we had issues less/unrelated to neurodivergency). She told me something interesting.

In children's autism assessments, a common test is to give them a straightforward task that they cannot reasonably perform, like opening an overtight jar. The "real" test is to see, when they realize that they cannot do it on their own, if they approach a caregiver for help. Children that do not seek help are more likely to be autistic than those that do.

This aligns with the compulsory independence I've noticed to be common in autistic adults, particularly articulated by those with lower support needs and/or who were evaluated later in life. It just genuinely does not occur to us to ask for help, to the point that we abandon many tasks that we could easily perform with minor assistance. I had assumed it was due to a shared common social trauma (ie bad experiences with asking for help in the past), but the fact that this trait is a childhood test metric hints at something deeper.

My therapist told me that the extremely pathologizing main theory is that this has something to do with theory of mind, that is doesn't occur to us that other people may have skills that we do not. I can't speak for my early childhood self, or for all autistic people, but I don't buy this. Even if I'm aware that someone else has knowledge that I do not (as with my parents understanding of our TV), asking for help still doesn't present itself as an option. Why?

My best guess, using only myself as a model, is due to the static wall of a communication barrier. I struggle a lot to make myself understood, to articulate the thing in my brain well enough that it will appear identically (or at least close enough) in somebody else's brain. I need to be actively aware of myself and my audience. I need to know the correct words, the correct sentence structure, and a close-enough tone, cadence, and body language. I need draft scripts to react to possible responses, because if I get caught too off guard, I may need several minutes to construct an appropriate response. In simple day-to-day interactions, I can get by okay. In a few very specific situations, I can excel. When given the opportunity, I can write more clearly than I am ever capable of speaking.

When I'm in a situation where I need help, I don't have many of my components of communication. I don't always know what my audience knows. I don't have sufficient vocabulary to explain what I need. I don't know what information is relevant to convey, and the order in which I should convey it. I don't often understand the degree of help I need, so I can come across inappropriately urgent or overly relaxed. I have no ability to preplan scripts because I don't even know the basic plot of the situation.

I can stumble though with one or two deficiencies, but if I'm missing too much, me and the potential helper become mutually unintelligible. I have learned the limits of what I can expect from myself, and it is conceptualized as a real and physical barrier. I am not a runner, so running a 5k tomorrow does not present itself as an option to me. In the same way, if I have subconscious knowledge that an interaction is beyond my capability, it does not present itself as an option to me. It's the minimum communication requirements that prevent me from asking for help, not anything to do with the concept of help itself.

Maybe. This is the theory of one person. I'm curious if anyone else vibes with this at all.

[teambuddie]

when i started to watch 911 i already liked buddie, but i wanted to give b*ckt*mmy a chance, i really did, but honestly, i just couldn't and i'm gonna explain why.

1. eddie was haunting the narrative.

after watching 6 seasons of buck dating women i'm not gonna lie i was pretty excited to see him flirt with tummy because yay bisexual buck!!! and the very first scene i was filled with joy until... eddie was in every corner of the relationship. i know, the writers were using buddie as a diversion, they wanted to surprise us that hey he was jealous of tummy not eddie! but then they kept eddie haunting the narrative through the whole relationship. every bt scene eddie was there or was mentioned and obviously the writers did that on purpose, because we're supposed to keep thinking about eddie, we're supposed to know buck is still thinking about eddie even if he's dating someone else. to me the writers made bt impossible to exist separated from eddie and buddie and that made it impossible to me to truly give bt a chance even if i was already biased.

2. tummy is BORING.

look, i was so happy buck was gonna date a man and figure out his sexuality, i really was, but holy shit tummy made it almost unbearable to watch some scenes. how can a man be so boring??? he has zero personality, zero charm, zero everything. every LI from both buck and eddie had at least SOMETHING going on, you know? even natalia and ana had more personality than tummy and that's a bit insane like how a character who showed up for like 5 episodes is more well developed and interesting than you?? and again, to me the writers did that deliberately, they wanted us to feel like something was missing, they didn't want us to get attached to tummy because he wasn't going to be a constant, he was a plot device and he was treated as such. no personality, no complexities, nothing, a blank state.

3. the acting.

this is probably gonna sound mean, but i have to be honest. one of the things that made it even more impossible to enjoy bt was l*u's acting. imo 911 has fantastic acting, like ANGELA BASSETT is on the show, the bar is high guys! even side characters act really well throughout the show and yeah sometimes there is overacting, but mostly is really good and expressive. and then there's l*u... he's so stale, so unexpressive, so bland is like watching a sixth grader acting on a broadway production (but a sixth grader would do a better job probably). i can't take tummy seriously as a character because not only is he boring but i don't feel like watching a "real" character, just a person pretending to be a character and i know that's what acting is but good acting makes you forget that what you're watching is fiction and makes you feel for the characters. l*u's acting achieves none of that.

4. b*ckt*mmies.

i understand when b*ckt*mmies say they can't enjoy buddie bc of the fandom, i do bc they just pushed me even further away from bt. the way they reacted to the break up was... something. some of them had valid reasons to be upset and ofc they were gonna be emotional about their ship breaking up, but the whole "this is homophobic/biphobic" discourse was too much. first they decide to simply forget michael was also an elder gay and say that bt was the only gay couple that showed someone older can be happy... like, are you serious???? "oh but michael wasn't a main character" but his storyline was very well developed and it just as a representation as bt. even better than bt bc no one was saying how he wants the other to have daddy issues (that irked me so much god WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT????). calling ostark biphobic bc he said he wants buck to sleep around again??? as if he said that bc he's bi when it's obvious he said buck should sleep around bc he's buck. ostark showed nothing but support to bi buck and he was always so excited about the storyline, but since he wasn't too onboard with bt and said he'd like for his character to sleep around a bit suddenly he's biphobic???? the way they decided to interpret what tummy said as him saying buck isn't sure of what he wants when it's clear he meant that buck should explore more his sexuality not to be sure but because that's what he probably did and he knows it's healthy and normal to get with new people to figure out what you like and what you want. nothing about the breakup and what ostark/tim said was prejudiced and while i understand feeling hurt and interpreting some stuff with a negative light, i don't think they were being fair to the writing and the crew.

maybe i'm biased bc buddie was already my ship even before i watched 911, but honestly i think if they wanted us to root for bt they'd make their relationship more compelling, they'd give tummy more personality, they'd not make eddie haunt the narrative, but that's not what they did and you may think that's "unfair" to bt and tummy, but honestly it was a warning sign b*ckt*mmies ignored... the sign that said: "this is not meant to be". when tummy called buck evan it wasn't without a deeper meaning, it showed us he was the odd one out, it showed us he didn't belong. and so, he's gone.

[elfbotanist]

working on my version of veilguard, so far it goes like:

act 1:

exactly the same. inquisitor lavellan hired people who were unpredictable to track down Solas. And they did, untill that plan backfired. Well, shit. Solas is trapped. Evunaris are blighting the world with their two blighted dragons.

Solas continues to advice rook and rook informs the inquisitor. We need the wardens. But the first warden hates the inquisitor as much as he hates rook. Inquisitor is a wise woman, she knows she can talk down first warden so she does exactly that (you can do that as rook in game so why not as inquisitor? I seriously don't know why this game won't work if inquisitor was the protagonist but anyways it is what it is. Let's continue)

act 2: 

after weisshaupt's fall, thousands of wardens dead, inquisitor realises this is not going to work. A group of seven misfits cannot win a war against immortal gods. They had an army, a network of spies and alliances with two nations when they were fighting corypheus... they need that strength once again. So time for inquisition 2.0 (kinda makes sense why different provinces/organisations will be willing to make an alliance with a former hero with a name than a random kid). So rook has some ground work to do while the inquisitor sets up the new inquisition at the lighthouse, which is much easier because they got dreadwolf's eluvian. The lighthouse was the heart of Solas' rebellion and now it's functioning as that once again. Lighthouse servers its purpose. Every adviser is there, inquisitor herself now acts like an adviser and rook gets the job done.

But you cannot win a war against immortal "gods" without having an immortal "god" on your own team, right? You need everyone on your side, even the people you can't trust fully. Inquisitor understands this and some members of the inquisition, that is Cassandra, is more than willing to get Solas out of that prison and have a "talk" about varric. And Cole needs someone who can understand him "i do not understand...the demon behind the crow's eyes is a friend or a foe?". So the inquisitor makes a deal with the dreadwolf. Freedom in exchange of his alliance.

They track down the dragons. With the help of our new dragon hunter, remaining wardens, what's left of inquisition army, the crows/shadow dragons and the dreadwolf himself. Rook manages to kill the dragons and wound Ghilan'nain with minimum loss of life.

In Arlathan, Rook et al infiltrates venatori's ritual. At lighthouse Solas senses that Elgar'nan has trapped Rook and their companions. He informs the inquisitor that he can help...Inquisitor suprised from his eagerness to help rook of all people (whose daily agenda is to annoy Solas to death) is hesitant. Solas says he wants to save the elves just like inquisitor wants to save her people.

"There is no other motive behind my plea other than saving innocents from being sacrificed for Elgar'nan's sadistic whims, like I did during my rebellion...Trust me vhenan. I know his mind"

So rather than Rook just telling Lavellan that "Oh Solas is good. You should totally try to redeem him". I'd rather have Adviser Inquisitor Lavellan and Adviser Solas slowly grow close to each other once again, like they did back in skyhold. A perfect parallel.

We all know he can't help but rizz her again with his fade talk

"Allow me to show you something, Inquisitor"

"You and your sweet fade talk"

"No fade tongue this time"

They relive all dai solavellan scenes... Even the crestwood scene. (These parallel moments with her are important because we know she almost changed his mind. That's why he ran away. Avoided her like plague for last 10 years because she has that power. To change his mind. And reliving dai moments with her is going to be the catalyst when we have to stop him in the end and redeem him)

It's here, in the garden, she mentions the letter he had sent. He finally... FINALLY tells her everything. His past, the titans, the veil, the evunaris, the dagger, the blight... his people... him being a former spirit of wisdom... Everything. Lavellan connects the dots and asks if this is why he was so hurt when his friend, a wisdom of spirit was corrupted, because it was personal, because it was his trauma. All new, faded for her.

"Forced to do something against its purpose, fighting... Is that what happened to you vhenan?"

"Yes"

"But you were always wisdom to me. My Solas. My wisdom. Everyday at haven and skyhold...I saw the real you. I saw Wisdom. The self you're always mourning. I loved all of you. I still do."

"Your empathy is a blessing. Your spirit pure and unmarred."

"I am only human, Solas. And so are you"

"That I am. A broken man."

"Not to me my love."

act 3:

Eclipse takes place. Solas and Rook kill Ghilan'nain but Neve/Bellara is lost. With the strength of the new inquisition and its allies, it is much easier to get in Minrathous. Rook and companions along with Inquisitor and Solas fight the blight. Solas tells Rook and Inquisitor the blight can sense him, some intelligence is controlling the blight tendril. They need to get to Archon's Palace and kill Elgar'nan with the dagger, while he fight the archdemon.

"What? On your own?"

"Don't be afraid, vhenan. All these years... My feelings for you, they never changed. Ar lath ma"

There's pain in his eyes, like that night in Crestwood. She's not sure what he means.

"Solas..."

" Now go with rook. When next we meet, let us be standing over Elgar'nan's body!"

"Woooow... Your husband is a... dog?"

"That's a wolf rook and he's not my husband"

"He is huge though"

"And fluffy..."

"Inquisitor, you can dream about petting your wolf husband after we're done here."

"He's not my-"

"LET'S GOOOO!"

If Solas is Wisdom, then he is also Pride. In Emmrich words "He is however, a former spirit. Solas cannot help but listen to appeals to his nature... his yearning for reflection." And his duty to save his people. So one last betrayal from the dreadwolf. Blighted Neve/Bellara informs that killing Elgar'nan will destroy the veil.

"Of course he lied! I knew something was wrong... his eyes. He's a terrible liar"

"Inquisitor what are we supposed to do?"

"We stick to the plan, Rook. I'll deal with Solas"

*outside dreadwolf cries in pain*

"Solas..."

"Inquisitor, Solas will do his part. We must press on forward.

"Yes Cassandra, but I need you and Cole with me."

"I understand. Always with you inquisitor."

Inquisitor, Casandra and Cole fight the blight and darkspawns, helping rook and companions get to Elgar'nan.

But Solas can't win alone. Blighted Neve/Bellara uses her power to free Solas and he kills the archdemon, making Elgar'nan mortal. Rook and companions kills him and the veil starts disintegrating.

"I am sorry for this final betrayal. But when you'll see the old world restored..."

Rook persuades Solas. He relents but it's not enough.

"I cannot. To stop now would dishonour those I have wronged to come this far"

"Even if those you've wronged asked you to stop?"

"Vhenan..."

"You think you've gone too far to come back. But you're wrong! I am here, walking the dinan'shiral with you!"

"I lied. I betrayed you."

"I forgive you. All you need to do is stop!"

"Ir abelas vhenan. But I cannot."

(I had to add my boy)

*Cole*

"They sleep, masked in a mirror, hiding, hurting, and to wake them I must burn down the sky again. Break the old chains. But it's not enough. Never enough. This world is too real."

"Cole?"

*Cassandra*

"You need to stop"

"But Varric...."

"Not your fault completely. Honour the death of your friend. All those years ago. When I asked what do you believe in, and you said you believed in People. We are people. Have faith in us, Solas"

*Cole*

"I long for my home, my people, my world. But here is also home. Here is home. She is home. Vhenan, my heart. Ar lath, ma vhenan. Wherever you are, there is my heart. Wherever you are, I am home. She is home and my heart and a cold fortress in the mountains that shines so brightly because she shines, she has made it home and they were together, the Inquisition, my family.... You are not alone Solas"

*Lavellan*

"Banal nadas. Ar lath ma vhenan"

Solas breaks and binds himself to the veil. Vows to keep it intact, protect innocents and help with the blight.

He's ashamed. So ashamed but he needs her to know his sincerity. Needs her to know that he can be that man she fell in love with. Her Solas, as she has said that night in the garden. So he looks at her finally, in her eyes and says. "I will go now and seek atonement." It's a promise, of a better duty, a better path, for her.

"But you do not have to go alone"

"Ar ghilas vir banal"

"Tel banal ara'ma vir shiral ma'lasa. bellanaris"

"Bellanaris"

~

And now we turn to my beautiful city

Black skies changed into blue

And my love is so wise and so pretty

I no longer dream of her

cause she is real

she is here

she is mine

And I am whole

[taringill]

MY FAVOURITE GIRLS!💕 I'VE FINALLY DONE IT!😭

МОИ ЛЮБИМЫЕ ДЕВОЧКИ!💕 Я НАКОНЕЦ-ТО ДОДЕЛАЛА!😭

I know that I have made almost no changes to the Rouge, but this is my opinion. I don't mind if the creators make changes👍 Although, come on, cinematic beasts literally copy their gaming counterparts with minimal changes, or no changes at all. So what are you going to do to me?😁

Я знаю, что в Руж я почти не внесла изменений, но это мой взгляд. Я не против, если создатели внесут изменения👍 Хотя, камон, киношные звери буквально копируют свои игровые аналоги с минимальными изменения, либо без изменений вообще. Так чтоооо, что вы мне сделаете?😁

Guys, I want to express my opinion. You don't have to read it if you're not interested. I, like many, am waiting for the appearance of Amy and Rouge, I really wait and want to! But I was struck by the craziness of some fans. Who knows, he understands what I mean. Knuckles is confused with Amy (in one shot from the first trailer for Sonic movie 3) because of the lighting, which makes Knuckles' hairstyle lighter and screams about it on every corner. They think that Amy was cut out of some of the footage of the first trailer because... Sometimes they look empty, as if there is room for another character... What the fuck? I don't understand, should the whole screen be packed with characters in every corner? Even an ordinary dent on the asphalt is confused with a shadow (I'm not about the Shadow the hedgehog)!🤦‍♀️ Fuck... There are simply zero arguments. It sounds much more realistic that, for example, the same Amy may appear in the scene after the credits. But these are just rumors. Before the release of the second trailer, I realized that some fans had gone crazy... And after the release of the second trailer, I was convinced that I was right, so you don't have to argue with me. It's useless. In addition, before the release of the second trailer, there were leaks of toys for the third film and NOT A SINGLE HINT OF AMY OR ANYONE ELSE. There were only Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Eggman and Shadow. Guys, if there was anyone else in the movie, this character would be in the toy set. Recently, new toys were leaked and there is also no one new except Shadow, because no one else appeared in the film.

Okay, I also thought that Amy and Rouge would appear, because the third film is an adaptation of the game SA2: Rouge, who worked for G.U.N. and Amy, who dissuaded Shadow from killing humanity. And I remember the girl I was arguing with, using it as an argument. To which I will answer that, guys, these films are A NEW, ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE, therefore A MODIFIED CANON. And that's okay, it's a NEW UNIVERSE. Do you want to see the same thing? Well, if you're an ardent and old fan, then of course you want to see the same thing. But I'm not. Let's be honest, almost anyone can dissuade Shadow: Sonic or Tom, for example. And Amy will get her new role in fourth film. What's wrong? As for me, everything is fine. This is a new universe! It was clear from the first film)))

Oh, and do you remember the girl I mentioned in the second paragraph? Attention! She told me that the creators would be sexist if they didn't add Amy or Rouge fully to the third film🤡 I'm afraid of people like that...💀 What kind of moronic fashion is it to call everyone (especially men) sexists for no reason? Just to be offended🤦‍♀️ This abomination is infuriating🤮 I wish this disease would go away as soon as possible... If you don't agree with me, then just accept it. Poor creators, my God... They're already trying to please the fans, but they're still bad... Guys, the creators have THEIR OWN plans for THEIR MODIFIED canon. Let's think logically, if there are few new characters in the film, then MORE attention will be paid to them, therefore MORE disclosure and therefore the character is MORE INTERESTING, and not just a stupid fanservice...

Phew, I've spoken out... There may be touchy people here, but I don't care. You can't change my mind, so just accept it. I know it's gone, but I still wanted to speak out. I have the right.

Ребят, хочу высказать своё мнение. Можете не читать, если вам не интересно. Я, как и многие, жду появления Эми и Руж, очень жду и хочу! Но меня поразила шиза некоторых фанатов. Кто знает, тот понимает, о чём я. То Наклза путают с Эми (в одном кадре из первого трейлера Соника в кино 3) из-за освещения, которое делает причёску Наклза светлее и кричат об этом на каждом углу. То считают, что Эми вырезали из некоторых кадров первого трейлера, потому что... Видетили они выглядят пустыми, как будто там есть место для ещё одного персонажа... Что блять? Я не пойму, весь экран должен быть забит персонажами в каждом углу? Даже обычную вмятину на асфальте путают с тенью!🤦‍♀️ Пиздец... Аргументов просто ноль. Гораздо реалистичнее звучит, что, например, та же Эми может появиться в сцене после титров. Но это только слухи. Я до выхода второго трейлера понимала, что некоторые фанаты сошли с ума... И после выхода второго трейлера я убедилась в своей правоте, так что можете не спорить со мной. Это бесполезно. К тому же до выхода второго трейлера были сливы игрушек по третьему фильму и НЕ ЕДИНОГО НАМЁКА НА ЭМИ ИЛИ КОГО-ТО ДРУГОГО. Там были только Соник, Наклз, Тейлз, Эггман и Шедоу. Ребят, если бы в фильме был бы ещё кто-то, то этот персонаж был бы в наборе игрушек. Недавно слили новые игрушки и там тоже нет никого нового кроме Шедоу, потому что в фильме никто кроме него не появился.

Окей, я тоже думала, что появятся Эми и Руж, потому что третий фильм адаптация игры SA 2: Руж, которая работала на ГАН и Эми, которая отговорила Шедоу убивать человечество. И я помню девку, с которой я спорила, приводила это как аргумент. На что я отвечу, что, ребят, эти фильмы ЭТО НОВАЯ, АЛЬТЕРНАТИВНАЯ ВСЕЛЕННАЯ, следовательно ИЗМЕНЁННЫЙ КАНОН. И это нормально, это же НОВАЯ ВСЕЛЕННАЯ. Вы хотите видеть одно и то же? Ну, если вы ярый и старый фанат, то, конечно, вы хотите видеть одно и то же. А я нет. Будем честны, Шедоу может отговорить почти кто угодно: Соник или Том, например. А Эми получит свою, новую роль в 4-части. Что вас не устраивает? Как по мне, всё нормально. Это новая вселенная! По первому фильму это было понятно)))

А, и помните девку, которую я упоминала во втором абзаце? Внимание! Она мне сказала, что создатели будут сексистами, если они не добавят Эми или Руж полноценно в третий фильм🤡 Я боюсь таких людей...💀 Что за дебильная мода называть всех (особенно парней) сексистами без повода? Лишь бы обидеться🤦‍♀️ Бесит эта мерзость🤮 Поскорее бы эта болезнь прошла... Если не согласны со мной, то просто смиритесь. Бедные создатели, Господи... Они и так стараются угодить фанатам, но они всё равно плохие... Ребят, у создателей СВОИ планы на СВОЙ ИЗМЕНЁННЫЙ канон. Давайте рассуждать логически, если в фильме новых персонажей будет немного, то им будет уделено БОЛЬШЕ внимания, следовательно, БОЛЬШЕ раскрытия и следовательно, персонаж ИНТЕРЕСНЕЕ, а не просто тупой фансервис...

Фух, высказалась... Тут могут быть обиженки, но мне всё равно. Меня не переубедить, поэтому смиритесь просто. Я знаю, что это прошло, но я всё равно хотела высказаться. Имею право.

[magical-reid]

Ricochet (Part 4-Final Part)

Pairing: Bucky x Fem! Reader

Slow Burn/ Enemies to Lovers

Word Count: 1K

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

A New Chapter

Reader’s POV

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the dull ache in my side. The second thing I noticed was the faint smell of coffee and leather.

I blinked, the sterile white of the med bay coming into focus. My mouth was dry, my thoughts sluggish, but one thing stood out immediately.

Bucky Barnes was sitting in the chair beside my bed, arms crossed and head tipped back against the wall.

His face was relaxed, softer than I’d ever seen it, and for a moment, I let myself stare. He wasn’t scowling or glaring or trying to tear me apart with his words. He looked… human.

The sound of me shifting was enough to wake him. His eyes snapped open, sharp and alert, and his entire body tensed when he saw I was awake.

“You’re alive,” he said gruffly, like it was an accusation.

I smirked despite myself. “Good morning to you, too.”

He shot me a look, but there was no real heat behind it.

“How are you feeling?” he asked after a moment, his voice softer.

“Like I got shot,” I said dryly, though the truth was, I’d had worse.

His lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. Instead, he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said quietly.

I sighed, pushing myself up onto my elbows with a wince. “We’ve been over this. I save people. It’s what I do.”

“You saved me,” he said, his tone unreadable.

I held his gaze, my heart beating faster. “Yeah. I did.”

For a long moment, neither of us said anything. The weight of everything that had happened hung between us, unspoken but undeniable.

Finally, he broke the silence.

“Why?”

The question caught me off guard. “Why what?”

“Why would you risk your life for me?”

I frowned, confused by the raw vulnerability in his voice. “Because you’re worth saving, Bucky.”

His jaw tightened, his gaze dropping to the floor. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” I said firmly. “You’ve saved me more times than I can count. You’ve got this whole tough-guy act, but I’ve seen the way you protect people. The way you protect me. That’s who you are.”

He shook his head, but I reached out, my hand brushing against his. The contact startled him, but he didn’t pull away.

“You don’t have to believe it yet,” I said softly. “But I do.”

Bucky’s POV

Her hand was warm against mine, grounding me in a way I didn’t understand.

For so long, I’d kept everyone at arm’s length, convinced it was safer that way. But Y/N… she’d broken through my defenses without even trying.

She believed in me, even when I couldn’t believe in myself.

“Thank you,” I said, the words rough and unfamiliar.

Her brows lifted in surprise. “For what?”

“For being stubborn enough not to give up on me.”

A small, lopsided smile tugged at her lips. “Someone has to keep you in line.”

I chuckled despite myself, shaking my head. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

The moment stretched, her hand still resting against mine, her gaze steady and unwavering.

I didn’t know what I was doing, what I was thinking, but before I could stop myself, I leaned closer.

“Bucky…” she said softly, her voice trailing off as her eyes searched mine.

“Tell me to stop,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper.

She didn’t.

Reader’s POV

I should have said something. I should have stopped him, reminded him that this was a bad idea.

But I didn’t want to.

Instead, I leaned into him, my heart pounding as his forehead rested against mine. His breath was warm against my skin, his presence overwhelming but steady, grounding.

“Y/N,” he murmured, my name a plea on his lips.

And then, finally, he kissed me.

It was soft at first, tentative, like he was testing the waters. But when I kissed him back, his hand came up to cradle my face, his touch both gentle and possessive.

The kiss deepened, months of tension and unspoken words spilling into the space between us. It wasn’t perfect—his metal hand hovered uncertainly at my side, and I winced when the movement pulled at my injury—but it was real.

And it was enough.

When we finally broke apart, his eyes searched mine, a mixture of vulnerability and determination in his gaze.

“This doesn’t change anything,” he said, his voice rough.

“Doesn’t it?” I countered, my lips still tingling.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You deserve better than me.”

“Let me decide what I deserve,” I said firmly.

His lips twitched, and for the first time, I saw the faintest hint of a smile.

“You really are impossible,” he muttered.

“And you love it,” I shot back, grinning.

He didn’t deny it.

A New Beginning

Things didn’t magically get easier after that. Bucky was still stubborn, still haunted by his past, and I was still learning how to balance my own demons with the demands of being an Avenger.

But we were in it together now.

The others noticed the shift almost immediately. Sam started grinning like an idiot every time he saw us together, and Tony made a point of “accidentally” walking in on us during training sessions. Even Natasha raised a brow the first time Bucky reached for my hand without realizing it.

We ignored them—for the most part.

Because at the end of the day, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had someone in my corner. Someone who understood what it meant to fight, to fall, to get back up again.

And if I had to fight a hundred more Hydra agents to keep that?

Well.

I’d take the shot every time.

[beware-of-pity]

You believe me like a god (I destroy you like I am) II

Masterlist

Previous Chapter - Next

Jacaerys Velaryon x reader

TW: Self-hatred/Implied Self Harm. Complicated family relations. The reader is a Targtower.

Cross-posted on Ao3

Chapter II: Strangers

Jaehaera had run into your room, tears streaming down her eyes, full-on sobbing, as she crushed into you, her little hands gripping at your skirt.

In the panic of the situation, you tried to comfort her, tried to pry the cause of her distress before you heard it plain and clear. Screaming and screeches come from down the hall, where your mother’s room resided. You calmed Jaehaera enough for her to fall in the arms of your maid without refusal or complaints as you raised the front of your skirt to rush towards the commotion.

When you entered your mother’s room, everything was in disarray: the sheets of her bed had been pulled, now a mess on the floor, the table was flipped, and glass shards from a broken cup shimmered in the light of the fire of the hearth where she had thrown it at.

And there she was, your mother, ripping at her clothes again. A gown of deep green, almost black -  a gown she used to wear in simpler times, in easier times,…happier times.

“OUT!” She yelled “GET OUT! GET OUT!” She hadn’t noticed your presence yet so you were sure her words were directed to her maids and septa standing at the side of the room.

“Mother” you tried to get her attention. Once, twice, thrice, but nothing worked as she continued her parade.

“Mother!” the call, now more insistent, stopped her in her tracks, but perhaps it was because you were now holding onto her, your hands gripping her arms, into her skin, into her torn clothes.

She held low, letting her long hair hang over her face, hiding her from you, but you could see the tears streaming down it and rippling as they fell into the air.

You sighed “Let’s get you seated,” you said as you led her to one of the chairs still high. “Clean the room,” you said to the maids, who at your words moved in motion “and get her some sweet milk” The Septa nodded at your words, rushing out of the room to get what you had asked her

“Mother” you gently pried her hands from her face “What happened, Mother?”

“It’s not fair….” She whispered, “Not fair, it should be my boy…”

You noticed she was slightly red in the face but not because of her cries or tears. You raised your hand to her forehead to check her temperature, feeling the warmth of it.

She was sick, and so very warm.

“You need to lay down, mother. You’re sick,” you told her

You had come to understand later that when she was breaking her fast with Jaehaera, she broke into a fit, telling your niece to cut Aegon’s throat, Rhaenyra’s son with Daemon, and Jaehaera’s playmate. Jaehaera, frightened and scarred by the sight of her grandmother grabbing at her and telling her to cut her playmate’s throat, had made her run away in tears, seeking your comfort.

She had caused such a commotion that as you looked after her as she slept, more guards were stationed outside her door. Rhaenyra forgave you for being outside of your room without a companion, seeing the urgency of the situation. Not that you were seeking it when you were too worried over your mother going down with a fever to think about what you could have possibly done wrong for Rhaenyra to forgive you for.

Orwyle had been allowed to remain in your family’s services while Rhaenyra’s maester, Gerardys overtook the chains of office as Grandmaester, taking a seat at her council. You had called upon him to tell you what was wrong with your mother, to which he unfortunately couldn’t say.

“We’ll have to wait and see how the sickness progresses to see what she hails with” he had told you, to which you thanked him for his honest approach.

Your mother would trash, turn and pull her blankets off her body through the night, which you would pull over her once more. The winter was harsh, and with how much she was sweating, you worried she would catch a chill that would kill her in this state.

You slept in the chair beside her bed and did not do so willingly, but rather, your body would shut itself when you would run out of energy.

In her moments of lucidity, where she was not blinded by the haze of the sickness or the milk of the poppy given to her, she would seek your comfort, whisper words of wanting to see Aegon, Aemond Helaena and Daeron. To have the whole of the family together once more, like in days of old.

She wept and would talk to herself, especially when she slept, the sight churned at your insides in all kinds of ways, both good and bad.

Alicent Hightower, the once great Green Queen, was now nothing more than a being lacking sanity and forgotten by the gods in her small corner of the world, where she spent her days between hallucinations and murmurs. Now sick with a winter fever, she could barely make out her own daughter.

You had made Jaehaera visit her, but those times were few and short, for the girl could not bear to look upon her grandmother in such state, as well as for what had happened the last time they had interacted. You did not blame her, especially in Jaehaera’s own state of mind. You cursed and berated yourself for even thinking it was a good idea for her to come visit but you did so because you knew the truth.

Your mother was dying.

You were able to ignore it as much as you could if you did not think of it, but with you constantly at her side as her sole caretaker, it was difficult to think of anything but the way she was slowly losing herself in her madness and illness.

You worried you would fall asleep in the night and wake to her still form, sleeping forever in the many blankets of her bed, and if you didn’t sleep before, you almost never did now.

Rhaenyra had been informed of the situation and she made sure you knew that if you ever needed anything she would heed your every request. To her words, you responded only by asking her to prepare a coffin for your mother.

The bodies of Hightowers were buried in the Hightower. Were she to die any day now, you would have to send her away, which you did not want.

You loved your mother, despite all her flaws, despite everything she had done, you couldn’t hate her. You couldn’t.

Gods, you wish you did. Perhaps the pain would lessen then. But in the state, she was in, on the verge and swaying on the fine line between death and life, you could not but take care of her like she used to take care of you when you were young and sick.

So vulnerable and fragile she was, so out of her mind and senses, that you hoped she would recover, for you, for Jaehaera, for herself. You wanted her to live, you didn’t want her to leave you behind and join your siblings. She was the last thing you had, the only constant beside Jaehaera that had not been taken from you and now the gods pleased themselves, as they laughed at your distress, while they made her thread even closer to her end.

You worried about your future without her. She had always been the master planner, the one pulling the strings, the one telling you what to do, giving you security in the path she laid before you, which you trusted because it was your mother sending you on it. Surely, she would never set you up for failure or danger. And yet, her magnum opus had led to only you three being the last of her line.

You thought you knew grief, when the stank of it followed you around, hunting the path you walked on. And yet, the morning you woke and you saw your mother’s unmoving form, you realized, you knew nothing about grief.People often talk about how hard it is for mothers to have to bury their children, but no one ever talks about how hard it is for children to bury their mothers. It’s just expected of them, something they should know how to deal with. Protocol dictated that the servants be called to move the body, for it to be given to the Silent Sisters to prepare it for its final departure. Instead, you spend that morning looking at her, the most peaceful she had ever looked in months, years even.

Only around midday did you rise from your chair, moving to give her a final kiss on her forehead, crossing her arms and moving to the door of the room. By that very night, her room had been cleaned and emptied, and she was no longer on her bed, her belongings moved to your room since you were now their owner. You had overseen her body being prepared for her funeral, even when you were advised it was bad luck to look at the face of death. But you weren’t looking at death; you were looking at your mother.

The woman that had birthed you, raised you as best as she could, the mother you loved despite everything. She was dressed in a pastel green gown, and with her jewels and hair done she looked almost alive, as if she was merely sleeping and yet the hue of death on her skin told you otherwise, it reminded you of the truth.

You had placed her emerald crown on her, the thing you would send her off to the afterlife with, a statement to the woman she had been, a Queen worthy of the name she carried. As flowers framed her face, you bid her your last farewell.

The Mother is merciful, you had always believed, and the Father Above judges each man justly... but there was no mercy and no justice in what befell your life. How could the gods be so blind or so uncaring as to permit such horrors? Why would they wish for you to suffer so greatly? What had you ever done to deserve such fate?

The body of your mother was placed beneath the Iron Throne, where it remained for seven days. Rhaenyra had allowed for her parting to be shown such dignitaries as a previous Queen Consort, despite the name of a traitor she carried to her very end. For seven days, you stood vigil in front of her unmoving body as strangers, foes, and friends alike came to give you their condolences. Prayers were held on three occasions. While the morning services were open only to nobility, the afternoon prayers were open to the smallfolk, and the evening prayers were available for all. Many showed up at the services you lead in her memory, the smallfolks out of love for her benevolence to them in her youth and early years of Queenship.

On the eighth day, the casket was closed and sent off on a litter attacked to a wagon, befitting a Dowager Queen, elaborate and engraved, with the Hightower sigil on a green field, you had embroidered, laid over the casket as a shroud. The evening before, you had cried for the first time in months as you had watched her disappear under the wood of the coffin laid upon her. When you returned to your room that night, you found Jacaerys there, waiting for you. It was then you had allowed the tears to come free. You fell in his arms, and you both sank to the floor as he comforted you. The dark veil covering your head hid from others your despair and how red and tear-stricken your face was as you watched your mother be carried away from you and from your life forever. Jaehaera beside you was dressed in black, holding your hand and hiding behind your skirt as she often did, which you allowed this time. Jacaerys stood beside you, attending the ceremony when he did not have to, especially when the ceremony in question was for one of his old enemies. His presence had proven a comfort, a constant that eased your pain, especially when his hand rested on the small of your back.

Among the belongings now relegated to your room, there were her old gowns, her jewels, her books and her needlework, some old and well-sawn while some more recent and all over the place in their work, a clear sign of her state of mind before her death.

You had taken to wearing her jewels, never her gowns, the sight of you in them too gory for your eyes.Almost macabre. The Hightower ring on your ring finger, on your left hand, was a silent vow to her, one you often fiddled with when you thought of her or were nervous.

Your situation at court did not improve upon the death of your mother, and neither did Jaehaera’s.

If before you were ignored, now you were pitied, which you thought was worse than the latter.

You didn’t want pity, you had no need for it, no use to improve your life.

Jacaerys took you out in the open more often; you didn’t oppose because you didn’t want to be difficult, which you had every right to be. He took you on more rides on Vermax but stopped when he realised you took no joy in them, understanding that what you were craving was not the liberty of the skies but the companionship of your dragon while you did so.

Your cousins made for ample companions, but you and Baela and Rhaena were to different in taste and pursuits to truly call each other friends, nonetheless, you appreciated their efforts in keeping you company. These days, you were up for anything, anything that could change your life, make it better.

Rhaenyra thought that without your mother’s influence, you would finally try and approach her, but it didn’t surprise her when you didn’t. She understood you needed time and space, and she was more than willing to give you both, understanding better than anyone what it was like to lose one’s own mother, especially at a young age.

You were at times approached by secret supporters of your mother’s long-dead cause, trying to sweet talk you on their secret plans, but your ears were closed, you wished to hear no more of plans and plots and schemes.

You needed peace and quiet. You wanted to be everywhere but in the Red Keep. This place was killing you and you needed an out.

How long would it be before you took it?

[bullet-prooflove]

Lilies: Leroy Jethro Gibbs x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @riley-kore @ilovemark1951 @love-affair-with-fandoms @mishkatelwarriorgoddess

Companion piece to:

The Ice Queen - Gibbs meets The Ice Queen for the first time.

Break The Ice - A act of decency helps Gibbs to break the ice.

Grave - You and Gibbs bump into each other in an unexpected place.

Safe - You and Gibbs work through your grief in different ways.

Check In - Gibbs checks in with you after the night before.

Wait It Out - You and Gibbs wait out a threat to your saftey.

All Dressed Up - You and Gibbs have a frank conversation about an office event.

Right Here - You come home to find Gibbs waiting for you on your doorstep.

Revelations - Gibbs is surprised to discover a connection between you and Mike Franks.

Haunted (ft: Mike Franks) - Mike reflects on your prior history.

You’re fine. That’s what you tell Gibbs when he catches up with you at the cemetery but you’re not fine, the evidence is littered around your sister’s grave in the form of white lily petals from the bouquet you’ve destroyed before he got here.

You’re sitting at the base of the grave, your elbows resting on your knees as you stare at the stone despondently. The sun is starting to set and the orange plays across the colours in your hair, highlighting the strands as he takes a seat alongside of you. The night’s coming in fast and he doesn’t like the thought of you sitting here alone in the dark.

“I’m fine.” You say again, your voice terse and he shakes his head in response to your statement.

“You’re not fine.” He tells you. “Noone would be after that.”

That being the fact you’ve just learned that your sister’s murderer is a man the two of you grew up with, the one who invites you to his home for Christmas Day because ‘Violet wouldn’t want you to spend the holidays alone’.

“OK.” You say, shrugging your shoulders. “I want to tear his fucking throat out and watch him choke on his own blood.”

It’s a raw, visceral image, one that Gibbs understands entirely. Every time he thinks about what happened to Shannon and Kelly, he envisions wrapping his hands around their killer’s throat and squeezing until his eyes bulge and crimson starts to leak out of his mouth.

That’s how he knows what you were planning to do tonight. The two of you may handle your grief in different ways but you’re both protective of the people you love, vengeful when someone hurts them.

“Maeve…” He says softly into the air between you. “I need you to give me the gun.”

You raise your eyes skyward as a deep exhale leaves your body. Gibbs had known the minute he’d opened the bottom drawer of his desk and found it missing that you had been the one who’d taken it.

“I gave too much of a shit about you to use it.” You tell him, removing it from your bag and thrusting it into his hand.

You’d sat outside that house for over an hour with that gun in your hand. You’d thought about Violet, the life she could have had with Mike, the places she would have gone, the things that she would have seen and you’d almost gotten out of that car and blown that motherfucker away. But then you’d thought of Gibbs, of bullet striations, how they could be traced back to his weapon. He was finally getting his life together and you realised you wouldn’t just be killing David in that moment, you’d be killing him too.

It's that thought that brought you here, to the place here your sister was laid to rest because the truth is you didn’t know what to do anymore.

“What happens now?” You ask him, tilting your head towards him and he meets your gaze squarely with his own. He should arrest you, take you in for possession of an illegal fire arm but he can’t do, not to you, not after everything you’ve been through.

“I take you home.” He tells you, raising to his feet and holding out his hand to help you up. “And then we wait by the phone for Franks to tell us they got that son of a bitch.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[aviad1b]

I have some very mixed feelings about this.

I'll start by saying that I've been talking about the possibility of such a project for a long time now. I considered trying to do it by myself for myself just as a proof of concept.

So TL;DR: I'm conflicted, but in general - a fan?

On the one hand, I can see where David is coming from: yes, extending a language's grammar like that seems kinda... impossible. Especially with Hebrew. People tend to get fixated on these things, and Hebrew doesn't really have this sort of thing naturally.

On the other hand - didn't we ravitalize the whole goddamn language? And yes, it was never truly dead in the first place, not in the way that gentiles like to think of at the very least, but it wasn't developing as much and we changed that.

And also, think about it - how does modern Hebrew handle gender inclusivity at the moment? With notation such as את/ה and רוצים/ות, etc. It wasn't always the case. Think about it, it used to be that to be gender "neutral" you just use the male form. Then developed into masc/fem, then "neutral/fem" (which isn't even a good name for the notation because את/ה exists).

The truth is that while Hebrew is a very "kept" language, very protected, in the sense that it's vocabulary and grammar haven't developed that much in over a millenia - it's also kinda the most evolving, in a sense? In what other language are words still constantly made, constantly developed, all in a way that fits perfectly fine with everything that already exists? I don't really know many languages at all, but comparing to English at the very least, it's seems kinda crazy to me. Hebrew is a very flexible language, and I've been saying that the only way she's not flexible in is gender - why does it have to stay that way?

We proved that we can make major changes to the very way that people speak - or write, at the very least.

When I think about such changes... No, not just changes - developments, in the Hebrew language, I also find my thoughts wondering to something else - gentiles, antisemites especially, like to claim that modern Hebrew is completely different to traditional Hebrew (which is a claim that we all point and laugh at, since modern Hebrew natives can read and understand traditional and even ancient Hebrew perfectly fine). Maybe the reason I'm somewhat conflicted about this is because it will further support this "nerative" (lie) that it's become a different language? But that's dumb, languages develop and involve all the time, Hebrew happened to be a more protected language. Allowing it to be a bit more flexible doesn't make it any less "real". And besides, why should antisemites get to dictate what our language is like? That's just not right at all.

A problem that I still do have with this tho, has to do with vowels. In day-to-day, people don't write vowels in Hebrew. That isn't going to change and I don't think I'd even want it to change honestly. But it does make this more challenging - without vowels, how will one manage to differentiate בַּת from בֶּת , and אַתָּה from אַתֶּה ?

Or maybe that's a good thing? Because it'll make people able to "stealthily" use it, sneak it in without people realising and protesting? But then this isn't really the way I want such a notion to be used, do I?

The thing about developments in general, and in language specifically, is that they come out of need. If Hebrew fails to satisfy the needs of its speakers, what guarantee do we have of it surviving tomorrow? Pardon my pessimism, but being Israeli and Hebrew (yes I still use the old notion of Hebrew as in the ethnicity/people), I see more and more Hebrew natives approaching English more rather than Hebrew. Maybe even including myself - it's kinda my entire blog. I started catching myself thinking in English sometimes - I managed to come to the conclusion that a major part of this is because Hebrew forced me to think of myself in gendered terms. English does not.

This is what I mean when I say on my blog that I love Hebrew but she doesn't love me back

I've seen people use אתם/הם as pronouns in Hebrew. If it works for them then good for them, but to me, I simply cannot accept that this is the "best Hebrew can do". That's... still gendered. It doesn't suffice. I refuse to accept it as enough. It's not.

And yes, a major part of English influence on Hebrew natives (and Jews in general) is the fault of the internet. But, I do feel like there's more to it - for some at least, there's a need that isn't answered.

We Jews are experts at adapting "old", traditional concepts onto whatever the current times are; why should our language be any different? Perhaps we should consider that our very language is more like us than we think?

Can we get people on a major scale to fundamentally change the way in which they speak? probably not. Can we add another gender notion for people who want to use it tho? I'd like to think so. I like to think about it somewhat like neo-pronouns in English: when they were first introduced, almost nobody used them and people in general thought that they were weird. Heck, people STILL do. But it have some people, even if just a few, a new way to finally feel more comfortable with the language that is used for them - and that, on its own, should suffice. In my humble opinion, at least.

To sum it up, while my feelings about this are mixed, I also feel like if ANYONE could achieve such a project - it's us, the Hebrews, the Jews.

And I'm sure we will some day.

I can't believe anything else.

Because Hebrew is a gendered language, the Nonbinary Hebrew Project has created a third grammatical gender system! They are building a bigger tent for nonbinary Jews, guided by Torah and Talmud which teach us to rejoice that which cannot be neatly categorized.

The project is free, open-source, community-based, and grassroots. It lives and grows and changes with every single person who uses and adds to it.

Here are some example usages: Candlelighting Blessing: with gender-expansive God language

בְּרוּךֶ אָתֶה ײַ, אֱלֹהִימוֹתֵינוּ מַלְכֶּת הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשֶׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתֶיהֶ וְצִוֶנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁל שַבָּת

Bruche ateh Adonai, Elohimoteinu Malket ha’Olam asher kidshenu b’mitzvoteihe, v’tzivenu l’hadlik ner shel Shabbat. Blessed are You, God, Ruler of the universe, who sanctified us with the commandment of lighting Shabbat candles.

~~~

Kiddush: with gender-expansive God language

בְּרוּךֶ אָתֶה ײַ,  אֱלֹהִימוֹתֵינוּ מַלְכֶּת הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרָאת פְּרִי הַגָּֽפֶן

Bruche ateh Adonai, Elohimoteinu Malket ha’Olam, borat p’ri hagafen. Blessed are you, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.

~~~

Blessing over Bread: with gender-expansive God language

בְּרוּךֶ אָתֶה ײַ, אֱלֹהִימוֹתֵינוּ מַלְכֶּת הָעוֹלָם, הַמּוֹצִיאֶה לֶחֶם מִן הָאָרֶץ

Bruche ateh Adonai, Elohimoteinu Malket ha’Olam, Hamotzi'e lechem min ha'aretz. Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has brought forth bread from the earth.

~~~

Waking-up Blessing: with gender-expansive language for the speaker, but traditional God language

מודֶת אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה, רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ:

Modet ani l'fanecha, melech chai v'kayam, shechezarta bi nishmati, b'chemla, raba emunatecha.

I give thanks before you, King living and eternal, for You have returned within me my soul with compassion; abundant is Your faithfulness!

~~~

Morning Blessing substitutions: with gender-expansive language for the speaker, but traditional God language

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁעָשַׂנִי בֶּת חוֹרין

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-Olam, she-asani bet chorin.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who has made me free. ~~~

Soulmate Blessing: written by Ariel Ezekiel Tovlev, with gender-expansive language for the speaker's soulmate, but traditional God language

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה אֶת יְדִידֶת נַפְשִׁי

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech haolam, asher asah et yedidet nafshi. Blessed are You, Ruler of the Universe, who created the companion of my soul.

~~~

Wedding-Enacting Words: with gender-expansive language for the one the speaker is marrying and for the ring, but traditional God language

הרי אתה מקדשה לי, בטבעת ז��, כדת משה וישראל

Harei ateh m’kudesheh li, b’tabaet zet, k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael.

Behold, you are sanctified to me, with this ring, according to Moses and Israel. ~~~ For more examples, as well as charts explaining the grammar system, check out the website! A note from Jewish-LGBTQ: The Nonbinary Hebrew Project is primarily being created in the diaspora and is used for ritual purposes; queer communities in Israel have their own system for creating gender-expansive Hebrew. The Nonbinary Hebrew Project should be understood as creating a third grammatical gender for liturgical and ritual Hebrew, rather than for everyday, spoken Modern Hebrew.