#because i still have to have these surgeries and get these labs done and take these medications and get these catheterizations etc etc etc

[quilterdyke]

i think for me one of the most difficult parts of being disabled/chronically ill is coming to terms with the fact that’s all those medications, surgeries, procedures, etc don’t necessarily make you feel better, they’ll just make you not die

[woso-dreamzzz]

Flirts IV

Mapi León x Reader x Ingrid Engen

Summary: You have to go

It's not that you don't want to be there because you do.

It's that you have to go away for a surgery.

There's some rich woman in California who needs you to operate on her cat. She's paying an extortionate amount for your services and sending a private jet to pick you up.

You love those kinds of pet owners, the ones with enough money to fly in the very best if only because of the clear love they have for all of their pets.

But they're also clients you can't deny.

If someone wants to fly you out for enough money to keep a family afloat for a year, someone with enough influence to make or break anybody's career, you can't say no.

Even if your girlfriend is fighting for Euro's qualification.

"Do you have to go?" Mapi asks, sitting inside of your unpacked suitcase like she was Bagheera in a box.

Honey sits on the bed, head in her paws as she waits, tail wagging, for Mapi to throw her tennis ball.

"Yes," You say, trying to choose between your purple or your blue scrubs," It's a lot of money. Enough for that fancy holiday to the Maldives you guys want to take."

"But it takes you away from us," Mapi whines and Ingrid makes an agreeing noise from over by the door.

"I've travelled for work before."

"You're going to miss my match," Ingrid says and a pit forms in your stomach.

Before this job came up, you and Mapi were meant to be travelling to Norway to see Ingrid's last Euro Qualifiers game before going off in a camper van with her parents.

You'd still make it to the last part, depending on what the labs for this cat came back as but you'd have to miss the match.

You reach out for her, drawing her closer by the waist and resting your head on her chest.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I am, really. I can call up and cancel if you really want me to. I know a guy to recommend instead."

Ingrid sighs, her chin sitting on the top of your head. "No," She says," That cat needs the best care possible. We all know you're the best. Go and be a hero."

"I'd hardly be a hero. It's just surgery."

"Surgery for some woman that clearly adores her pet cat. What you do saves lives. I think that makes you a hero."

"You're so sweet, Ingrid."

"And hot!"

You laugh. "Thanks for that, Mapi. I'm sure she knows that seeing as you tell her everyday."

Mapi shrugs with a smirk on her face. "I'm sure it's nice to be reminded."

Honey whines on the bed and you roll your eyes.

"Throw the ball already. She's getting impatient."

Mapi frowns, waving the ball around.

Honey's eyes dart around erratically to follow it.

"She isn't barking, though?"

You laugh, crossing the space to take the ball and lay a soft kiss on Mapi's lips. "Because she's well-behaved, Mapi. She knows not to bark unless it's an emergency."

You throw the ball up and down to make sure Honey's still watching before you launch it out of the room.

She's off like a shot as Ingrid hauls Mapi out of your suitcase.

You still feel guilty though, through the flight, through the labs, through everything.

The cat is cute one, a little tortoiseshell with an amicable nature and a complete lack of awareness of her surroundings.

You've always been an animal person. You've always loved all of them but living with Mapi and Ingrid has just given you an even newer appreciation for cats.

The checkup happens quickly and the labs are already done and completed by the time you arrive.

Money really does move things along because all the charts are perfect and after what should have been a week long wait to begin, you manage to take a day to get over your jetlag and get to work immediately the day after.

Surgery is simple to you. It's easy and soon enough the cat is halfway to recovery.

You don't quite understand how private planes are hired and sent out, if someone has to book a runway days in advance or if they're open indefinitely.

The original plan had been for you to take a week to do this but now it's all done, you don't quite know what to do with yourself apart from stew in guilt.

You had planned to take your mind off Ingrid's game by throwing yourself into work.

You have no work though and can't help but imagine yourself in Norway with your girlfriends, curled up in Mapi's arms while Ingrid whispers to you.

You swipe away a tear as you head down for dinner, your host gracious enough to treat you to a meal for all your good work.

You've gone radio silent to your girlfriends but neither are surprised.

You're always like that when you go out of the country for work, focused only on your patient. You want no distractions.

Mapi sits slumped in her seat next to Ingrid watching Norway play their last qualifier, sighing to herself as she looks at pictures of the three of you together.

"What's with the pout?" Ingrid teases, running her thumb over Mapi's jutted out bottom lip.

"I miss her," Mapi mutters, feeling a bit like a little kid sulking.

"I know but she'll be here soon and then we go out exploring with my parents before heading back home for preseason. It's not that long of a wait."

"I don't want to wait at all."

"I know but-"

A body slumps down on Mapi's other side and both of them turn.

"I'm not really a fan of this hotdog," You say," It's not bad but I guess I'm not that hungry. Do you want some Mapi?"

You don't get an answer from her because she crushes you into a hug. The hotdog that you regrettably bought squishes between your bodies.

You don't complain though, especially when Ingrid moves into the hug as well, tightening her grip around the both of you.

"I thought you couldn't make it?"

"Money talks," You tease," And the owner felt a bit of pity when I told her that I'd have to watch this match on tv. Chartered a jet for me to come straight here."

"And the cat?" Mapi asks.

"The cat's good. Recovering."

"I'm so happy you're here."

"We're both happy," Ingrid says," So, so happy."

You grin at your girls, the smiling splitting your face.

"I'm happy to be here too."

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumptober Day 27

Voiceless - Labatory - Muzzled - "I have no mouth and must scream"

Whumpee slowly blinked in the newly turned on lights of the lab.

They peaked out of their cell to see who had disturbed them this morning.

"Good morning Whumpee", Whumper called from the opposite side of the room. Already knowing the rat couldn't stand the bright lights so early in the morning, "I'm in and out really quick, so you can go to sleep again. I just want to check on your surgery sight. I believe your laryngectomy was successful, but we need to watch your healing. I may also start your feeding tube a little earlier then normal. "

Whumpee remembered the tube just then. It was hard to get comfortable with it there, but they would be in trouble if they took it out.

Whumpee's cage was opened, and a small computer was placed in front of them.

"So how are you feeling?", Whumper walked away to wash their hands and glove up.

Whumpee looked at the screen and started to press word options that fit how they felt.

"Tired... sore.... angry.... sad."

"I understand", Whumper sighed, "it wasn't in my plans to do that surgery. Your larynx was badly damaged from the accident. It was in your best interest to fully remove it. You screamed in a lot of that chemical. You remember?"

Whumpee nodded weakly as they remembered. They couldn't even blame Whumper either. It wasn't Whumper that hurt them. They had to do the surgery because of how uncomfortable Whumpee felt after the experiment.

"That is the last time I let a student, quote on quote, try something", Whumper frowned, "you almost clawed out your throat, remember?"

Whumpee nodded, "remember", they tapped on the screen.

"Let's see here", Whumper came over, "you said it felt sore?"

Whumpee nodded, "and looked at the screen."

"Go ahead", Whumper pointed at the computer.

"Itchy....2", Whumpee frowned.

"Please don't itch it. I know it's hard, but do not touch the spot", Whumper studied the surgery sight, "it looks alright for right now. We will clean it later. Do you need some pain meds."

Whumpee signed yes with their hands.

"Alright", Whumper nodded.

"Why... nice?", Whumpee looked at them curiously as the computer spoke.

Whumper turned to them and grinned, "I can be nice when I want to", they held a glass vile up in the light for a better view, "like I said that test was done without me being aware of what they were doing. You got injured accidentally and you had to go through a unplanned major surgery."

Whumpee looked at them worriedly.

"Would you have preferred the fried vocal cords?", Whumper filled a syringe with the medicine, "you still wouldn't have been able to talk like that either, and it would hurt. Once this heals, you won't be in pain."

Whumpee nodded.

"Thankyou Whumper for fixing me", Whumper mocked in a funny voice, "oh your welcome Whumpee."

Whumpee grinned at the mockery.

"Here, let's get this into you. We might as well start your feeding cycle", Whumper came up to the cage, "that's another thing. Once this is done, you should be able to eat normally."

Whumpee nodded again, then offered their arm.

"Alright, here we are", Whumper said while concentrating, "do you want a sticker on your bandaid?"

Whumpee smiled weakly and nodded.

"You are the only reason I even have stickers. You know that right? I've never once had a sticker to offer a lab rat until you sarcastically asked for one, and a student bought you a sticker. Now I have an entire drawer full", Whumper meticulously placed the sticker just right onto the bandaid, "though I suppose it has gotten you and a few others to be more willing to work with me on experiments. So that's a plus", Whumper smiled as they stuck another sticker on Whumpee's forehead.

"Do you need anything before I get the feeding started?", Whumper walked away to get rid of the needle.

"Bathroom", Whumpee tapped the button.

"Oh yeah, you are probably dying by now. Here I am taking my time", Whumper hurried back.

They reached in and cradled Whumpee before pulling them out of the cage. Then carried them to the bathroom.

When done Whumper carried them out and set them on an operation table.

"Let's get you out of your cage for a few minutes while I mix your feeding cocktail bag", Whumper grinned, "don't jump off. You're still weak from the surgery."

Whumpee hung their legs off of the side of the table and swung them back and forth. If they could have. They would have hummed to annoy Whumper. They didn't want to attempt trying it though. Whumper had said they maybe would be able to vocalize some things, but language was gone completely.

Whumper watched them from the corner of their eye.

"I know you probably won't go straight to sleep once you get locked back up, but you need to rest", Whumper spoke over their shoulder, "this feeding will probably take you until lunch, you need to remember to lay on the pillow so you remain elevated. Let me know if something doesn't feel right."

Whumpee nodded, though Whumper hadn't looked at them yet.

Whumper flushed the line and set up Whumpee's feed.

"We will need to replace this line today as well", Whumper sighed, "everything will have to be replaced. Which is another reason why I wouldn't have planned this. Surgeries are annoying, especially when they have to be done correctly. My lab rats are not expendable. I can't just replace one if they get badly injured or die. This new set of students are driving me crazy. Human life is dangerous to play with. Especially with how I play. It's a waste of resources, which then is a waste of money."

Whumpee shrunk back farther into their cage as they listened to Whumper.

Whumper sighed, then looked at Whumpee lovingly, "none the less, you lab rats are my babies. So you deserve the best I can offer."

Whumpee nervously smiled.

"Alright, so I'll be at my desk. Do you want to play a game on here while you rest", Whumper picked up the computer and switched to a different app, "I know I said I'd be in and out, but I might get some work done, and I don't want you unsupervised."

Whumpee quickly nodded and got close again.

"There you go", Whumper smiked as they handed the computer to Whumpee and closed the cage door.

Whumpee quickly started to play the familiar game of squashing the bugs on the screen. It was their favorite.

Whumper watched them for a few moments to make sure the feeding was going in properly. Plus, Whumpee was absolutely adorable with that concentrating look on their face.

"My sweet little lab rat", Whumper chuckled as they walked their desk, "such a good pet."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@3-2-whump @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinxe

@whumprince @kaz-of-crows

@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @ragin-cajun-fangirl

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf

@thenormalestever @whatwhump

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

could i have some prompts for a sadistic doctor whumper? he has access to pretty much any medical equipment, i'm just struggling with figuring out what he could do with all that to make whumpee suffer the most lol. love your blog 💜

thank you, anon!

trigger warnings: medical whump, gore, blood, sadism, non-consensual drug use, non-consensual procedure being performed on whumpee

whumpee is used as a lab rat. whumper keeps drawing blood from whumpee to the point whumpee becomes lightheaded and is on the verge of passing out from blood loss alone.

whumper permanently maiming / branding whumpee whether it be their name engraved into whumpee’s body with a knife, or their slashing whumpee’s face from the corners of whumpee’s mouth to their ears to give them a “permanent smile” Joker style.

whumper monitoring whumpee’s heart, their blood pressure and such, and enjoying how the sign and the frantic beeping indicate that whumpee is either going into shock or about to have a panic attack.

whumper makes sure whumpee is awake during the procedure (a surgery or a vivisection).

whumper strapped whumpee’s head in place and forced whumpee’s eyes open with his tool, so that whumpee is forced to watch what’s being done to their body, how whumper slowly peels off a layer of whumpee’s skin with the smallest, sharpest scalpel.

during these procedures, whumper cuts open whumpee’s stomach and whumpee can feel whumper’s hands touching their internal organs. if whumpee is in a position where they’re strapped to the table and is lying on their back, whumper makes sure to install a mirror on the ceiling above whumpee, so that whumpee — with their eyes forced open — can see their own body being cut open and their own innards being toyed with.

he knows whumpee’s anatomically limits, how to keep whumpee alive and awake throughout the whole thing.

sometimes he cuts whumpee with a scalpel, but it’s a small cut all over whumpee’s body: legs, arms, back, etc. deep enough to make whumpee bleed, but not enough to be life-threatening.

whumper deliberately keeps whumpee in an unsanitary enclosure to make sure whumpee’s wounds slowly become infected. this won’t kill whumpee, because whumper will always swoop in with just the right medicine and treatment that will save whumpee’s life in the very last minute. but whumper takes great pleasure in watching whumpee slowly spiking fever and being delirious as they become severely septic.

or whumper will drug whumpee with various substances throughout various occasions: sometimes it results in whumpee’s hallucinations, the worst fear whumpee has and it gets whumpee screaming in horror the entire night. sometimes it also results in sleep deprivation where whumpee is severely exhausted but is forced to remain awake for days on end as whumper keeps injecting the drug into whumpee’s system to prevent whumpee from falling asleep.

another of whumper’s favorite is force-feeding. whumpee may be starving, but they fight and struggle fruitlessly every time whumper inserts tubes down their nostrils in which nutrients and god knows what are forced into their body.

body horror, body horror, body horror (did I mention body horror?). let whumper have his imagination run wild by cutting off whumpee’s limb and attaching it to another part of whumpee’s own body? or… maybe whumper can have fun with some experiment where he attaches a part of an animal or a plant (or any living organism) to whumpee’s body and sees how it grows by letting it feed off of whumpee’s blood and other nutrients from whumpee’s body.

“you look good in red, whumpee.”

“red suits you well.”

“keep still.”

“struggling with only make this hurt more.”

“see? that wasn’t so painful, was it?”

“relax, this is only going to hurt a lot. don’t worry though, I’ll make sure you’re awake and aware of it all.”

“anesthetic? now why would you ask me for such a thing? you’d rather be unconscious and miss out all the fun we were going to have together? how very rude of you. it’s almost like you’re begging me for another round of punishment, hmm.”

“you sleep when I say you can, understood?”

“your blood, it looks just the right shade of red today. this is rather impressive.”

“I am squeezing your lung in my hand right now, and believe me when I tell you how soft it is. if I only add a tiny bit more pressure, it will explode right here in my hand. would you like to see what that would do to your body?”

bonus: movies and shows with this trope as a main focus (the ones I can think of off the top of my head), but keep in mind that all of these include scenes and topics that can be heavily triggering to some. so if you haven’t seen them yet and want to check them out, please make sure you do your research beforehand about what material you’re about to expose yourself to.

American Mary — I highly recommend this one

NBC Hannibal (TV series)

The Alienist (TV series) — we don’t really see any “sadistic” part on screen, but the setting and the overall aesthetic of this show, precisely the first season, is something I personally enjoy very much.

Saw franchise (a popular one)

The Human Centipede franchise

I Spit on Your Grave franchise (precisely the part where the protagonist gets her revenge, it’s not really a ‘medical’ whump, but the way in which she takes revenge against the antagonists is certainly nice.)

list of medical tv drama that I like (there isn’t really anything “sadistic”, at least not on screen, but these shows’ focusing on the medical procedures feeds my whumpy hunger so well)

Chicago Med — highly recommended

The Resident

Code Black

New Amsterdam

The Good Doctor

*sorry I didn’t put Grey’s Anatomy in this list. I’m a fan of the show but in my humble opinion, its main focus is unfortunately on the doctors and their personal lives and not really on the medical procedures so…

[fatuismooches]

Hello smooches! Before I begin, I wanted to say I LOVED your fragile reader story! And I can’t stop rereading everything you write about dottores beloved because it makes me feel so fluffy inside🥹🥹. Though I was expecting a sad ending it still made me cry like a baby and now I wanna fight but also hug you for how freaking talented you are!!! I swear I wish I could write as amazing as you do!

Now back to business, (ANGST) I had this random thought of fragile reader going blind due to their illness. Like it started slowly, so reader would randomly bump into things or trip causing Zandik or the clones to lightly scold them for being so clumsy but also make sure they’re okay. Or struggling to read one of the stories to little zandy due to how strangly blurry the words were.

And once one of the clones who was assigned to check their health, quickly noticed the deteriorating sign of the readers sight. This of course led to Zandik doing multiple tests and scans, coming to conclusion this was part of the disease fragile reader has. Preforming eye surgery on his beloved wasn’t an option either due to how frail their body was and it would cause far too much strain, therefore deemed too risky.

This would of course lead to fragile reader going fully blind and more in an upset state. Now officially no longer able to see those beautiful red eyes of his, or marvel at his creations.

Dottore however, despite being disappointed by this new obstacle, he doesn’t give up finding a cure. Going the extra mile to have fragile reader escorted around the halls of the lab by one of the clones and having them memorize the place so they don’t bump into walls or randomly end up in dangerous rooms. They would even round some of the edges of tables and desks so fragile ready couldn’t hurt themselves by bumping into it and ensuring all dangerous objects were out of the walk way. Though fragile reader wouldn’t be able to go in the lab anymore due to so many sharp objects and tripping hazards they always find themselves somehow inside leading to the clones panic and escorting them back to their room.

I like to imagine zandy too holding readers hand while escorting them around or even foxttore tugging on reader’s leg and leading them back after getting lost.

Dottore or one of the clones would have reader place their hands on his face allowing them to feel every scar and crevice, and brushing their fingers against his fluffy hair. He would even take fragile readers hand and place it over one of his creations (the safer ones), allowing them to figure out what it is.

Anyways have a wonderful year and thank you so much for the Dottore thoughts I’ve been inhaling them in as of it were oxygen. 💝💝

AHHH!! ❤️❤️ Thank you so so much!! I'm really happy you enjoy my Dottore hehe the goal is to make you feel very very fluffy!! >:) Here's my obligatory *hugs you* ofc ewjfbww I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY BUT PLEASE. I JUST LOOKED AT YOUR ART AND IT'S SO DELICIOUS I'M GONNA EAT IT?? I WISH I COULD DRAW LIKE THAT DOTTORE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING?!?! (BUT REALLY YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME FOR THE DOTTORE THOUGHTS!!)

But omg this whole brainrot is just... 💔 It's just one of those things you'd never thought would happen to you. Your illness had already taken so much from you, that you thought it couldn't steal anything else... you were wrong of course, fate had never been kind to you. You didn't pay much attention to the developing blurs or black spots, just chalking it up to being tired or whatever. However, the segments are extremely attentive to your sudden changes and don't let anything slip by them. Although this time it is already too late. There is nothing that can be done that wouldn't hurt you even more, and so you lose your visual window to the world. And though the segments and Dottore try to comfort you, what can they say that could make it better? Nothing would ever make up for losing such a crucial part of your life. They can only hold you as you cry about how scared you are to lose them. And how you want to wake up every day to them but now a part of that is taken away, no longer being able to see their beautiful faces.

In the beginning, without your sight, you have the need to either consistently hear Dottore's voice or hold a part of his body to feel reassured, otherwise, you feel terrified and alone. You don't want to be by yourself, you end up falling asleep on a segment or Dottore every night. It's very hard for you to navigate but thankfully your lovers are very patient and understanding. You miss going into the lab and bothering them with the experiments but at the least, you can listen to their voices. Their voices become much more special to you after losing your vision. You really start to notice how each of them has different tones, pitches, inflections... and how these things can change. Since you can't read their expressions or body language anymore. You love each of their voices immensely. And their warmth too... it makes you feel reassured. (They make sure to warm their hands just for you.) Unfortunately, the places you can walk around to are a lot more limited due to the fact that Dottore's lab in general is a whole safety hazard. Good thing is that Zandy is always willing to help,, I imagine he's always the one to read to you now... maybe you can't see his drawings anymore but he always takes your hand and places it over them... excitedly telling you about his childish drawings that you love so much!! Giggles the Puffttores as well... dozens of them crawling up your leg to stop you... they and Foxttore will defend you to the DEATH.

You definitely become a lot more touchy, and the clones won't stop you from touching them all over if that will make you feel better. Aww you guessing his new inventions 🥹 It would totally become a guessing game and he'd refuse to give you any hints! And even though you may not be able to see his beauty anymore, you vow to never forget the picture of him in your head.

[sarnai4]

College Days (and career plans)

After seeing a really fun Yona of the Dawn AU fanart with the characters in college, I started thinking about the Dragons crew.

Hiccup: Engineering. He's going to become an inventor and has already done some of that. He'll probably have his own company after graduation that makes just about everything. Need a replacement limb? Phone? Cylindrical item that will lead you to various reptiles and the journey of a lifetime? He's got you covered on all fronts. If it can be built, it will be.

Astrid: Law enforcement. She's eventually going to a police academy (cue the movie of the same name), so she wants to be prepared. She'll become a police captain in the future. It'll be very obvious why crime rates are plummeting in whatever city she's in.

Fishlegs: Zoology. He's always been into science, so he's going to become a zoologist to study animals all over the world. He absolutely loves his work and probably brings a few creatures home to study for a little longer before taking them back to the lab.

Snotlout: Drama. He's planning on becoming an actor. His work as Sir Ulgerthorpe has convinced me that he at least could be good on a stage. Plus, he's a drama queen. Maybe he'll get on the screen one day too. He's also considering if he wants to try out screenwriting and/or directing eventually. If he does become a director, he'll be one of the best and most bossy somehow.

Ruffnut: Digital communication and media/multimedia. She's honestly not here for any reason other than it's where Tuffnut and their friends are. That said, the twins are going to become YouTubers, so she figures she might as well become good at making videos.

Tuffnut: Crafts. He missed how Ruffnut's idea will actually be useful in their future job and thought this sounded fun. His reasoning is that he'll make some cool crafts to show off to their viewers. He's probably right, but there are still a dozen sighs directed his way because of this choice.

Dagur: Undecided. He's gone through business to see if he wanted to be an entrepreneur, then wasn't sure if he should just go to an entrepreneurship degree, had a few in between, and the latest one was psychology to try to understand his mind. At this point, he's hoping he sticks with something long enough to graduate on time with the credits. Can't say he isn't getting a well-rounded education, though. Just don't even get him started on career plans. He figures that he'll teach martial arts to pay for bills until he comes up with an idea he can keep for longer than a month.

Heather: Music. She's going to become a singer and probably be a vocal and guitar teacher later on. She's the only member of the group who we've heard sing and not sound bad (minus Snotlout surprisingly in my opinion. Oi oi oi), so I can see her doing this. She's not planing on being some superstar or anything. Just most likely at some venues and on YouTube, so maybe Ruffnut's new skills can help out.

Mala: Doctor of medicine for surgery. She's in the doctoral program (because I'm convinced she is a nice amount of years older than the others) and going to become a surgeon. This is something she's wanted to do for a while since she enjoys healing people. Meeting the others made her want to do this even more since she's sure at least one of them is going to be in a terrible accident one day and will need a good surgeon. Her bet is on Hiccup, the twins, or Dagur.

Throk: Criminal justice. He's already graduated, but he is receiving specialized training to become a body guard. When he gets free time, he comes around to spend time with the others. He's part of the bet with Mala and bets that Ruffnut will NOT need a surgeon because there's no way he's allowing such harm to come to her.

Atali: Women's studies. She's going to run a women's shelter when she graduates. She is also considering getting a master's.

Minden: Physical education. She's following her bestie and going to teach self-defense to the women Atali helps out.

(bonus)

Gobber: Welding engineering. He loved this in his university days and started up his own company. This is how he got Hiccup into making things too.

Stoick: Political science. He joined the marines when he was younger and became a high-ranking officer before coming back home to care for Hiccup.

Johann: Law. He became a slimy lawyer who always gets the really dangerous criminals off and puts away innocent people.

Viggo: Economics. He wanted to be very shrewd with his spending. He owns a company that seems like it's a tech manufacturing company on the outside but is actually smuggling a bit of everything.

Ryker: Criminology. He did this to understand just what risks the criminals who work for/with him could face. He works for Viggo (because of course he does) and is the VP of the business.

Krogan: Business management. On the outside, it seems like he's got a weapons manufacturing company, but he uses it to work with the Grimborns and hurt people.

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[vykker]

fuck it. Humphrey & Irwin headcanons

They met while working as royal doctors to Lady Margaret. Marge keeps several doctors on retainer in her palace for emergencies. H & I were part of a group of award-winning vykker doctors all of whom competed for her recognition. They acted cordial when the gluks were looking, but behind doors they could be quite cutthroat.

Irwin specializes in surgery & Humphrey is more of a jack-of-all-trades kinda guy- Humphrey has great bedside manner when he's being paid, so a lot of Glukkons prefer working with him.

At one point while working at Lady Margaret's palace, Irwin pulls off some insane surgery that had never been done before. Like separating cranially conjoined twins or something like that. The other vykkers think he's insane for trying but he succeeds after 3 straight days of surgery. The other vykkers are furiously jealous, all save for Humphrey, who demands that Irwin explain EVERYTHING he did from start to finish so he can take notes.

They end up talking for hours and eventually become friends and collaborate on projects together... they grow to trust each other, bouncing ideas back and forth..... their claws accidentally touch while vivisecting fuzzles or something.... that old trope of lovingly wiping animal blood off your crush' cheek.... and so on.

In modern times they're vykker-married but have also been vykker-divorced once or twice. They've been together so long they can't function apart. "I wish I knew how to quit you" etc. They switch between being lovey-dovey, & having screaming matches so intense you can hear them through the walls.

Humphrey is the Big Ideas guy. He has ADHD brain and jumps from projects all day long. He interacts with the public more than Irwin because he's more easy going and humorous; meanwhile Irwin has meltdowns over perceived slights & struggles with being friendly to their shareholders.

Irwin has a much more narrow focus and can meticulously work on the same project for hours and hours and hours. He's hard to work for because his voice is shrill enough to get through even the loudest' headphones. If one thing goes wrong he immediately starts to panic.

Irwin thinks Humphrey has a handsome smile. Humphrey thinks its sooooo cute how Irwin's always freaking out and screaming at his interns.

Irwin likes puzzles.

They have a ton of kids who are now grown adult lab employees with their own children, but they may have a baby picture or 2 of them still in their workspace- the ugliest infants you've ever seen in your life.

feel free to add more if you want ?

[tamavonpineapple]

Leosagi culture shocks I wanna see (based on my personal hcs)

Medicine/hygiene: as excited as Leo is to finally have Usagi visiting New York, you can't tell me that one of the first things Leo does isn't throwing his edo period boyfriend in the shower and chucking his clothes in the washing machine. Since they live in a sewer, Splinter made extra sure to drill good hygiene and cleanliness into his tots. As such Usagi's first two visits are spent learning about soap/shampoo (special kind for fur from Hidden City), toothbrushing, toilets, etc. I feel like he'd be amazed and shocked at how much cleanliness actually matters when it comes to health. He'd also be dragged to Donnie's lab frequently for vaccines. Even after bacteria and viruses are explained to him, Usagi would still be kind of scared and Leo is just holding his boyfriend's hand the whole time. Considering Leo is the resident medic, Usagi would be very interested in hearing Leo info dump on how surgeries and major wound stitches are done along with disinfection.

Modern tech: this one's obvious, he's from the Edo period and Leo is from the 21st century. Usagi is mesmerized by how advanced everything is and is shocked that none of it is magic. Donnie takes immense pleasure in educating Usagi in the ways of modern technology and how it all functions.

Culture: as a traveller, Usagi probably has quite the open mind for his time and generally appreciates the new cultures he comes across. I think he'd be so amazed at how big and how diverse the world is. Especially when it settles in how Japan (what was previously his whole world) is such a small part for an enormous planet. Considering that New York is an immigrant city, Usagi would probably adore how much of a cultural melting pot it is. Leo gets them some cloaking broaches and the two have several dates just exploring the cultural hubs of New York. Be it the traditional preserved cultures or the new ones created from the mesh.

Self expression: another thing I feel Usagi would appreciate is how freely people can express themselves. Be it gender or culturally, people just wear what they want. Especially people as nonchalant as the turtles. The four have been having fashion nights with April since forever and no way they didn't absolutely slay in dresses and skirts. No way they also didn't drag Usagi into their fashion shenanigans.

Art: it's canonically confirmed that Usagi is a lover of art in all its forms. He'd absolutely loose his mind at how many styles of everything there are. I can see him bonding with Mikey in this aspect, with the young turtle showing Usagi all the best drawing/painting techniques there are. Music is another big thing: he's that one dude who's spotify is just a mix of everything (different genres, languages, instruments, etc). Electro music is something he'd take longer to warm up too, but I think he'd end up enjoying vocaloid. Mostly because of how diverse in themes vocaloid is (depression, love, violence, redemption, etc) and because it's his first exposure to modern music that he can actually understand (since it's japanese).

Reading: I don't think Usagi would've been an avid reader before Leo. Mostly cause there wasn't much to read. Now that he can visit New York, he just gobbles up whatever literature he can find. He reads a mix of Japanese and English (helped him learn the language faster). Usagi really likes mythology, history, and poetry books. He also has a taste for the occasional novel and manga that Leo recommends him. As a samurai, Usagi's all about self improvement. So I feel like he'd read a lot therapy-esque books regarding things like healthy relationship and adjusting to new perspectives. He'd also work on any biases or assumptions he has from living in Edo Japan (like towards disabilities).

Media: like with any other tech, Usagi is shocked by how easy it is to learn anything curtesy of the internet. I also feel like he'd have a deep appreciation for the art of cinema considering its like theater but so much more. Especially with animation since its story told through moving art. Hell I bet he and Mikey have their own little animation stop motion drawing pads.

Relationships: here's where the biggest shocks are mostly cause how different things are from how Usagi was raised. First comes his relationship with Leo and how they each express love. Even nowadays PDA is frowned upon in Japan and Japanese don't tend to explicitly outright say they love each other. Usagi, who's probably very reserved with his affection and likely a little touch starved, is just floored with how openly affectionate both physically and verbally Leo is. I feel like he'd be a little embarrassed at first and slowly ease into being more open with how he loves Leo in more physical ways. Then there's the general Hamato dynamic. Even now, japanese culture has emphasis on respecting elders and the heavy expectations children have to succeed in the eyes of said parents. Combined with general edo period extreme formalities between parents and their children plus how Usagi's father barely raised him yet still put pressure on him to become a great samurai. Then we have Splinter: a rat man who's doing his absolute best to be involved in his kids lives and make up for the time they lost due to his trauma (mother's death, kidnapping, battle nexus, turning into a rat, etc), never pressures his kids, lets them grow as individuals and enjoy their own interests, very involved in their shenanigans, works hard to support his kids, and (most importantly) freely shows unconditional love. Just seeing a parent as involved and affectionate as Splinter is would be a big shock to Usagi. Especially a male parent cause traditional gender roles and since Usagi is from an era where fathers freely send their sons to die for honor while Splinter would blow up the Earth before even thinking of knowingly putting his sons at risk. Plus the brothers constant talk back and disobey their father. Then we go to the sibling dynamics. Like with parent-child relationships, edo period sibling dynamics were draped in formality and seriousness: affection is very reserved and any threats are literal plus the hierarchy placed by seniority. The Hamato siblings are probably Usagi's first exposure to a normal healthy sibling dynamic. Which would probably be confusing in itself since sibling relationships are a weird mesh of superficial hate but genuine love. Like Donnie wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for Leo but no way in hell is he touching his new boots. Any of the brothers could be arguing as if they're about to kill each other and be cuddling on the couch not 15 minutes later. The constant back and forth would be a whiplash for Usagi and it would take some time to fully decipher how they communicate. Then there's their relationship with April. Splinter doesn't see her as his daughter but she is undeniably the Hamato's big sister. If you add in Cass and Sunita, then you have Usagi reveling in finally having strong independent female friends who aren't potential love interests. Throw in Casey Jr and the typical TMNT adventures and you've got Usagi collapsing exhausted from the sheer craziness of this friend group. Usagi would be civil and respectful with Draxum.

Okay i completely forgot about this, I saw it during vacations and then proceeded to forget about it. Sorry Okay, ejem, there are thing that I want to adress.

1. During that (and previous) period, japan already had toothbrushes, shampoo and soap, they already new about hygiene. We tend to imagine that this topics are modern and, let's be honest, came from Europe. No, for GODS' SAKE TOILET PAPER WAS INVENTED IN CHINA DURING THE 6th CENTURY!! And let's bw honest, Usagi lives in a world of furries, of course they already specialize soap/shampoo. I had nothing to add to the vaccines, i had a couple of scenes already planned regarding that topic. However, Usagi has been stabbed a couple times, and was perfectly fine with Chizu drugging him so he could get a rest, I can't really picture this man being a childman who needs to hold someone's hand to get vaccinated. (tho it'll be ironic, ngl)

Culture: Usagi himself has stated some levelnof discomfort regarding immigrants in Japan, because is japan, I wont go deep here, cuz theres a bunch of articles and videos about japan being an isolated country. It is certainly easier to imagine an initial rejection and a LONG adaptation process that will culminate with him accepting that the world is much more diverse than he imagined, but he would not stop being himself.

Art: usagi and Mikey bonding through art It's another plot that I had envisioned for rabbit stew, Usagi's fascinated by markets, color pencils, and all that, but usagi will also showed him the traditional techniques from his father homeland, cuz you know, sumi-e and ukiyo-e, since they're not inferior to modern of different techniques. (Btw have you ever heard of that band that plays with modern and traditional instruments?)

As for the rest of it, I mostly agree with the other points you've made. Except for one small detail that is bothering me and that is that it only seems to focus on how New York is going to change Usagi... I'll be real with you all, if we are just going to make Usagi a white dude and erase what being a 16th century samurai is... Well, I don't see the appeal anymore.

There are also things to rescue from there that the modern society lacks, despite of how murky the society in which he was raised may be. But here it seems like we're focusing on how cool New York is over Japan.

And let me tell you, food, environment, manners, global warming? These are some of the many things that Usagi will have a strong opinion on... That's if it survives the rot that is being fed microplastics to actually learn about it.

[analogwriting]

Childhood Crush

Chapter 6: Alloy

Killer x gn!reader

word count: 3.5k

next

For the most part, your injuries healed up quite nicely. You had some new scars here and there, but you didn’t mind. The problem was, well, your arm. With that motherfucker hacking up your arm in the way that he did, he had done some serious nerve damage. You couldn’t really feel in that hand - it was fleeting. Some days were better than others and you could feel just fine, but most days, it was all phantom. You would watch as you touched something, not actually feeling it. You knew how it was supposed to feel, so your brain tricked you that you were feeling something. 

It was confusing.

Sometimes, you didn’t have complete control over it either. It would easily lock up or just drop to your side as if giving up. You no longer could do surgeries or stitch people up. You couldn’t even work in the smithy all that much anymore. With the lack of feel in your arm, it also made some tasks difficult. You had burned and accidentally cut yourself so many times without even realizing it until later.

Hell, even cooking was a harder task. 

Not to mention, you had to train your nondominant hand to do everything now. That was a whole debacle in itself. Physical therapy was a nightmare every time. It just…made you feel so worthless. It reminded you every time how much you lost and wouldn’t be able to regain. You felt like you couldn’t do anything.

You kept those thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on it too much. You did eventually get a hold of some things. You were cooking again, but you took your time with it. You were still able to work in the lab part of the hospital. Not all was lost, so you tried focusing on that.

The boys were also around more often. You knew they were keeping an eye on you - that they were worried. You felt terrible. You tried to tell them all to not worry, but they always brushed it off - or claimed that they didn’t, that they just wanted to come say hi. You called bullshit, but you eventually stopped arguing.

“Can I not hang out with my favorite person?” Eustass said one of the times you tried to shoo him to do his own thing. His words threw you into a fit of laughter which only pissed him off.

“What the fuck is so funny?” He pouted, folding his arms across his chest.

“The fact that you came up with a lie that bad.” You rolled your eyes, putting your hand on your hip. “You couldn’t come up with anything else?”

Eustass huffed, his cheeks turning pink as he pouted. “It is not a lie,” he grumbled.

“Not too sure about that one. I’m pretty sure Killer is your favorite. Mostly because he enables you the most.” You smirked and his jaw dropped. “That is not true!”

“I do not!” You heard Killer chime from the kitchen and you laughed. 

“Yes, you do! Do not try to argue with me about this, Killi!” you shouted back being met with silence.

You let out a long sigh, running your fingers through your hair as you turned to your brother. “Tungsten…I wish you wouldn’t worry so much. I’m not a child and our threat has been eliminated. You guys made sure of that.” You remembered the anger and hatred radiating from both Eustass and Killer that day. And the overkill that the latter did to Nathan. Though, the fucker deserved it.

“And I don’t go looking for fights either. I’m always at the hospital or here. You guys take care of the shopping so I don’t even do that anymore.” You chuckled, shaking your head. You looked at him in earnest. “So please.”

You smiled at him. “Stop worrying so much, okay?”

For a moment, his expression was unreadable. Then he grimaced, folding his arms and turning away from you - much like he did when you were kids. “What the fuck ever. Don’t come crying to me when you get in trouble then.” You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. 

Eustass opened his mouth, probably to yell at you, when Heat suddenly burst through the front door. You jumped, looking over at him. “Heat? Are you okay?” He seemed panicked, but then you realized he was just excited. 

He was grinning, Eustass soon mirroring his expression. “Oh shit?” He laughed. “Fuck yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. Let’s go!” He walked over to the door, looking back at you.

“C’mon, there’s something I want you to see?”

You stood there, blinking in confusion. Something was done? What? Was there some kind of project? Eustass also seemed excited to show you, but you could not think of what it could be. You looked at Heat, trying to gauge a reaction from him. “What is it?” you asked and he shook his head. “I’m not allowed to say.” But he also seemed pretty excited.

You felt Killer stand next to you and looked up at him as well. “I don’t suppose you’re gonna tell me?”

“Nope.”

“Of course not. You’re tungsten’s biggest enabler.”

“I am n-” You shot him a look, immediately shutting him up. You looked at Eustass. “Fine, lead the way.”

He frowned. “What crawled up your ass and died? Now I don’t even wanna show you. You’re so bitchy today.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “You know I distrust surprises…well…your surprises.”

Eustass looked hurt. “What have I done to earn such distrust?” 

Your expression turned deadpanned. “Well, there was the time you put firecrackers under my bed,” you said.

“There was also the frog incident,” Heat commented, immediately throwing his hands up in surrender as your brother shot him a glare.

“Don’t forget the mud pit in the backyard.” The glare was now cast at Killer who also put his hands up in the same fashion as his friend.

You chuckled. “There was also-”

“Okay, okay. I fucking get it. I do a lot of pranks. But I promise you’ll like this. Trust me.”

You looked at him for a long moment. “I don’t, but lead the way.”

A scoff came from Eustass as he folded his arms. “You know what, fuck you. I’m not going to show you now!”

You guffawed. “Fuck off! You can’t do that!” 

“I can and I will!”

“Then I’ll just follow you when you’re not looking and see it for myself!”

“The fuck you will!”

You two glared at each other with your arms folded. A snort came from Heat. “Ah, you two are so related. You fight and look the exact same right now.” The glares between you and your brother were now on Heat who put his hands up again. “Ah, okay! I’ll shut up!”

“I fucking will!”

A sly smile spread across your face as you glared at Heat. “Lead the way, Heat,” you said. His eyes widened. You know the boys had a hard time disobeying you. After all, you all grew up together. You watched as his eyes drifted from you to your brother. “Don’t…” Eustass warned.

You watched his internal war going on in his head through his eyes. Honestly, it was so entertaining. 

“Alright,” you heard Killer say and suddenly you were picked up and thrown over his shoulder. “You’re getting too feisty. Let’s stop bullying, Heat. Keep us out of your sibling squabbles and let’s go. Wire’s waiting.”

Your face immediately went red hot as you tried squirming out of his grip. “Hey! What the fuck! I’m not the one at fault here! Why am I being picked up!”

Your brother just cackled from next to Killer, sneering at you. “That’s what you get for killing my excited vibe. Let’s go!” 

You groaned, slumping on Killer’s shoulder, knowing there was no way out of this.

--

“Eustass Kid. What in the everliving fuck is that?” Before you was a ship. A pirate ship by the looks of it. The goggles and the red hair donning the skull on the jolly roger was enough for you to figure out this was his pirate ship. You looked at him, your eyes wide.

“How the fuck did you get this? How did you pay for it? When did you get it? What the fuck-” You felt Killer’s hand come up from behind you and cover your mouth. Once more, your body heated up but your head was still reeling from what you were looking at. “Process.” Honestly, you were too acutely aware of how close Killer was to you to fucking process anything, but you were going to pretend like you were.

Eustass stood before you with a deadpan expression as he waited for you to finish your freak out. “You fuckin’ done?”

You nodded, Killer slowly letting you go. “A pirate?!” You looked at your brother wildly, walking closer to the ship. Your head was spinning, but you also supposed it kind of made sense, but…you were worried. You knew your brother was strong. He could do anything he set his mind to. 

Your brother nodded, walking over next to you. “This is the Victoria Punk.” Your heart clenched for a moment at Victoria’s name. You had found out sometime after you woke up that Nathan had also been responsible for her demise. It was sweet of your brother to name the ship after his first love.

You’d poke fun of him for being sweet, but it was a touchy subject all around when it came to her, so you held your tongue.

“And I’m…” A shiteating grin spread across your brother’s face. “Going to find the one piece.” You stared at him, blinking slowly as you processed this new information. The one piece? Like from the stories you told him when you were kids? No matter what you thought, you knew your brother was going to do what he wanted.

“Well, good luck with that.” You turned to leave only to be blocked by Killer. “Where ya goin’?” 

You hesitated in your answer. “Home…?”

Eustass groaned. “Do I have to fucking spell it out for you? You’re coming with me.” He grinned, putting his hands on his hips and you just stared at him. Going with? Why would he want you to go with? You didn’t provide much help…

“I don’t…”

An exasperated sigh came from your brother as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright. I didn’t think this would be that hard for you to grasp. Aren’t you supposed to be some big brained doctor?” 

You grimaced. “Oh, fuck off. You’re dropping one bomb after another on me and you expect me to just…accept things?” 

“Uh, essentially, yeah.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and folded your arms across your chest.

“Captain, you are dropping a lot on them at once,” Wire said, joining the fray. “You show them your new pirate ship - which they have no idea how you obtained. You’re telling them you’re going to search for the one piece - a story they told you during your youth as a bedtime story. Now that they’re coming with? That’s a lot to process.”

You looked pointedly at your brother. “See, I’m not crazy. Wire gets me.” You folded your arms across your chest.

“I mean, you are crazy, but that’s for different reasons.” Eustass grinned and you lunged at him only to feel Killer pull you back via your collar and you glared at him. “I’ll fight you,” you grumbled, folding your arms but staying put.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Okay. Fine. You want to be a captain of your own ship, fine. You want to look for the one piece? Fine.” You opened your eyes and looked at him, feeling exhausted. “But you can’t just string me along. I’m not built for the sea.” Not anymore at least.

“What’s this really about, Bigs?” As usual, he saw right through you. There was no hiding anything from him. With another long sigh, you looked at the ground. “In my current condition, I’d be nothing but a hindrance. I can’t fight anymore, can’t even stitch you all up properly. Hell, cooking even takes me longer than it used to.” A deep frown set in your features.

Eustass stared at you, processing what he was seeing. He’d never seen this side of you before, so you were sure that he was the one short circuiting now. 

“First of all,” he started. “I wouldn’t have asked if I thought any of that. Second, you can still do all of those things. It’s just going to take time. You stitch us up just fine. It doesn’t have to be perfect anyway. And your cooking is still fine.” He stopped.

“Third. You don’t have a choice.” Your head snapped up as you looked at him, slowly narrowing your eyes. The fuck he mean by that? “Excuse me?”

“I said, you don’t have a choice.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Because I said so. I want you to come with us - you’re going.”

“I can’t just up and leave. I have a job - a life.”

“Fuck all that - you’re coming.”

You just stared at him, completely flabbergasted. There was no way that he really thought you would just up and leave, did he?

“Killer.” Eustass looked behind you and Killer nodded, stepping towards you.

“Killer, I swear to fuck that if you pick me up and put me on that ship against my will, I will never fucking forgive you.” You turned around, glowering at him, mustering up the most dangerous look you could. He immediately stopped in his tracks.

You sighed, looking back at your brother.

“You know…” Killer began and you looked back at him, eyes narrowed. “There’s a whole new world out there. Whole new islands with all kinds of ingredients waiting for you. I’m sure you could make an even better salve. Or other kinds of medicines. You’re always wanting to further your medical knowledge.”

You stared at him for a moment, clicking your tongue. He knew just what to say, huh? 

“Besides, you’re safer with us,” your brother said, drawing your attention back to him. “There’s no guarantee that no one will go after you after we leave,” Wire chimed in. “People will probably come after you as some act of revenge.” Your face soured at that word.

They were right. If they left, you were defenseless. Especially now that you couldn’t fight. You’d be a sitting duck. At this point, if they knew Eustass, they more than likely knew you. Not exactly a lot of people with the last name ‘Kid’ anyway.

Killer spoke, his voice soft. “The last thing we want is to receive news that you’ve been killed while we were away and because of us.” Your heart caught in your throat and you swallowed hard. Fuck, he always made your heart race. Dammit.

You closed your eyes, head falling back as you ran a hand through your hair. “Fucking-” You groaned. “Fine.”

They all let out bursts of joy and you held up your hands. “Alright, alright. Chill out.” Part of you was excited, too. You had always wanted to sail the seas, what kid didn’t? But, you always just assumed it would always be just that - a dream.

“Besides, even if Killer respected my wishes and didn’t carry me on board, I know you would’ve done it instead,” you grumbled as your brother threw an arm around you with his signature shiteating grin on his face. Oh, you could punch him.

“Correct,” he mused.

“Let me pack my stuff. And I’m going to need help moving everything.”

“We’re on it!” They all said it in unison and you grimaced. 

“Don’t fucking do that!”

--

“Holy fucking shit, tungsten.” The box in your arms dropped, mostly because your weak arm gave out but also from shock. Your brother picked it up, putting it on top of the one he already had, walking over and setting them on a desk in the room.

You looked around the room. It looked like a state of the art lab. At least compared to the dingy one on your island. You stared with wide eyes. Desks, shelves lined with books, cabinets of all sorts, etc. Everything a doctor/scientist like yourself needed. You could fucking cry honestly.

“You made this for me?” you squeaked out. Eustass nodded, grinning widely. “If I was going to make you come with me, I knew I was going to need to make you hate it a little less,” he mused and you looked at him.

You ran over, hugging him tightly. “Oh, thank you!” You heard him groan, patting your head after hugging you back for a moment. “Yeah, yeah. No big deal.”

“No big de-” Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. “Tungsten, look at this place.” You still couldn’t believe it. “Whatever. Get off me. I got a reputation to uphold.” You laughed. “It’s literally just us but okay.”

In one quick motion, you pulled a book off the nearest shelf and opened it. 

“The hospital was nice enough to donate us copies of whatever books they had.” He grinned. “Seems they really liked you.” 

“Well, I’ve been working with them a long time, so I’d hope so,” you mused with a grin.

“I suppose I’ll start unpacking.” You put the book back on the shelf, wandering over to your boxes. “I still can’t believe you had this built for me.”

Eustass rubbed the back of his head. “Well, you took care of me for so long - which I know isn’t easy so…” He shrugged. “Returning the favor?”

You just let out a silent chuckle. He didn’t have to pay you back for anything and he knew that. You accepted his answer though, smiling. 

“Just don’t…experiment on us too much. We’re still suffering from the meatloaf incident.” You had tried to enhance nutritional value in food so that it would be better for everyone healt wise.

“I didn’t know it was going to explode!”

“You could’ve - oh, I don’t know - fucking tried it before you gave it to us?”

“I thought it’d be fine since the chicken didn’t explode!”

“They’re not even from the same animal!”

“But it’s the same concept!”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t test it first!”

Another voice called from the deck above. “Captain!”

You narrowed your eyes at your brother. “This conversation isn’t over.”

“Yes it is,” he hissed as he headed out of your lab and to whomever was calling. On his way out, Killer was on his way in. Eustass seemed to give him some kind of look, but you couldn’t discern what it meant. Very curious.

Killer seemed to shift uncomfortably under his gaze, heading further into your lab as Eustass left.

“Hey, y/n. I think this is your box. Got mixed up with ours.”

You pointed to the bookshelf. “Will you just put it over there for me? I’ll get to it later.” You turned back to what you were doing, but quickly found yourself watching the man before you as he set the box down. The way his muscles flexed as he moved, the veins bulging. Your mind wandered to when he had picked you up earlier and put his hand over your mouth-

Ayeo, what the hell were you thinking! You swallowed hard, turning your attention back to your list. You cleared your throat, trying to calm yourself down.

“Ah, t-thank you. By the way,” you said, trying to fill the silence so your thoughts didn’t wander again.

“It’s no problem. Just a box.” He shrugged as he stood back up.

“For earlier, too.” 

He tilted his head to the side quizzically, even with his helmet on, you could imagine the face he was making. “For respecting my wishes. Not forcing me on the ship.”

“Ah, well. I don’t think I could stand you being mad at me in the slightest.” There was an air of hesitation like he was going to say something more, but decided against it. You turned your attention back on the box before you. 

“Keep doing what you’re doing and you should be fine,” you mused, looking up for a moment and winking before looking back down at your list. Aaaand why the fuck would you do that? The hell was that supposed to mean? Fuck could you be more embarrassing? 

“I kind of half expected you to ignore me and throw my ass on the ship anyway,” you said with a shrug, not looking up from your task at hand. 

He was quiet for a moment, making you look up. “I will never make you do something you truly do not want to do. Remember that.”

You blinked as you processed his words. You felt your face heat up. Fuck, even after all these years, he could still make your heart race. 

An inhale came from Killer as if he was going to say something, but you heard your brother call his name. He gave a small wave before he left, leaving you wondering what he was going to say.

[kazumahashimoto]

i do nooooooot have the energy to write a whole fic but i'm having aerith/cissnei brainthoughts so come along with me

> the whole thing starts with this scene i have in my head of zack and cissnei at costa del sol 👍 (NOTE: i don't really see zack and cissnei as being romantically involved with each other, but they have the same girlfriend and that gives them a warriors bond)

they're both in their swimsuits Chillen and talking but cissnei's sitting with her knees to her chest trying to subtly cover herself up a bit and she keeps looking at zack's top surgery scars. zack gets to make a "my eyes are up here" joke and cissnei gets a little embarrassed because she wasn't looking at him like That but zack laughs it off. she asks when he got them done and zack explains it was a few years ago now ("that's so young!" "does shinra care?" "well...").

she still looks a bit uncomfortable, so zack offers her his shirt from his bag. she gives him a deadpan look and he says he doesn't mean it like That, just that she doesn't look comfortable. she accepts the shirt and throws it on, explaining after that she DOES like the swimsuit she got, she just feels... and she trails off. zack continues, that you aren't allowed? cissnei looks a bit shocked and he laughs again, saying it took him a long time to feel comfortable taking his shirt off around other people too. just goes to show! anybody can feel nervous about stuff like that. cissnei feels a bit more comfortable now so she relaxes and lets her legs down. zack mentions aerith, ("actually, have you guys already met?" "no, i only know Of her, watching her has been tseng's job.") and that she might be able to help more than he could. he texts aerith to let her know he wants to introduce them, and aerith is very excited<3

> next time zack is in midgar, he brings cissnei below the plate with him to go meet aerith!

i like to imagine cissnei gets wrapped around aerith's finger pretty immediately LOL. aerith is such a little shit and a flirt, and she's got that captivating air about her that makes you wanna keep listening. cissnei is PUTTY.

i'm leaning towards the idea of zack and cissnei coming down in uniform? as much as i love my scene zack, i think aerith seeing cissnei all done up in her suit first is cute<3 she can call her dashing. and then getting to see her in her civvies becomes more soft and intimate. (note: i'm kind of on the idea that cissnei is a bit of a baby butch?? particularly i think her in like a baseball cap and a big shirt with cargo shorts is fun. like her and zack have similar fashion tastes, zack is just more alternative. the two of them wearing the same outfit just in different colors and accessories makes me laugh 😭)

later, aerith asks if zack minds that she was flirting and zack says "are you kidding? two of my favorite people getting along, what's to complain about?" aerith smiles and replies "good! then i won't complain about your little blonde friend!" and zack stumbles over his ass. I'M STRAIGHT. I AM STRAIGHT. (note: don't flirt with other people without asking/telling your partner first in real life 👍)

> jumping ahead a bit, when zack and cloud get captured, cissnei completely disengages from aerith without saying anything. i'm not sure how much the turks, but cissnei in particular, were clued in to what was going on with them Upfront, so i'm imagining cissnei does the digging herself. she finds some maybe some lab results from the experiments, gathering that SAMPLE S-Z can only be one person. there's nothing she can really do to get him out though, and she feels too ashamed to go back to aerith without good news, so she hides away, avoiding any job that could put them within proximity. aerith tries to ask tseng about her, but it's like talking to a brick wall. aerith of course is heartbroken even further, having lost TWO people here. maybe she writes letters to cissnei as well? switching off between the two of them? tseng collects them both and he Does deliver them to cissnei, but i'm not sure if she reads them. she does keep them, regardless.

> after zack escapes, cissnei still finds zack again. zack would be more immediately concerned about aerith, asking if she's okay, and cissnei stops him from asking a million questions, telling him she hasn't seen her either. zack is confused and asks why, and she tries to explain, saying she was ashamed she couldn't help, that she was part of the group doing this, that she still is, and what aerith would think of her. here, i think she would pull out her shuriken and fling it at him, saying she HAS to bring him back with her. zack slashes it away with buster and threatens her when she comes toward him. he does sympathize with her, he was following orders all the same before this had happened, but right now he needs to focus on getting him and cloud out of here. when cissnei follows zack back to cloud, i imagine it goes pretty much the same.

> the gongaga scene i think would be. a bit less jovial than it originally is. i don't know Exactly where zack was planning on heading ultimately, since he doesn't get aerith's final letter until banora, but i'm just gonna say he was heading to aerith anyway, and the letter only reassured his efforts with the idea that aerith had been waiting for him. so, he's still upset that cissnei left aerith behind intentionally, when he had no say in himself leaving her in the dark. cissnei reiterates that she COULDN'T see aerith again, not when she couldn't do anything to help, to protect zack. this strikes him, not having felt like he needed to be Protected since angeal. this is where cissnei tells him it was pretty dumb to come to gongaga, and the exchange goes mostly as normal, just a bit Less cheeky. zack requests cissnei keep him parents company, giving her a way to protect him in a sense. she agrees, and lets him go, still with the time limit.

> cissnei still gets tasked with taking zack back alive. i'm not sure what the turks want with zack, if shinra wants him dead i can't imagine it's to bring him back for hojo, but given the turmoil we see on cissnei's face when tseng tells her, i can't imagine it's good. she still follows the order though, the hope of keeping zack alive maybe outweighing the negatives, in her mind.

i picture reno and rude finding him first, since they're the last ones we see before the big fight happens. rude catches sight of all the blood and broken helmets and weapons first, followed soon by reno, grimacing and simply saying "shit." rude tells cissnei they found him, and the coordinates, and then him and reno land and survey the damage.

when cissnei gets the message, she flies over as quickly as she can. she similarly sees all the carnage and the dread quickly sets in. she sees where reno and rude are standing, their backs to her as they cover something awfully zack shaped on the ground.

as soon as she lands, she runs over and reno tries to hold her back from seeing, but she pushes past him to find zack's torn, shot to hell, bloody uniform empty on the dirt.

(when we see zack get pulled up to heaven, i imagine that was him being taken by the lifestream, which means his body should theoretically be gone by the time the turks find him, if i'm understanding the lifestream correctly)

she almost can't believe it, wanting to ask "where is he?" but she can't form words. i think she's still, for a moment, just looking in silence at how damaged everything is. she drops to her knees, hitting a patch of bloodied dirt, and searches the collar of the shirt for his dogtags. reno makes a sound of protest (they need those?!), but rude silences him. this is where she sees zack had been wearing angeal's tags too, and this is what snaps everything together. she snaps, crying and wailing, her free hand tugging her hair until rude kneels down to give her a hug and allow her to clutch his suit, still keeping the dogtags fiercely in her grip. reno rubs her back until she's calmed down.

she wipes her eyes and stands up with rude, clutching his arm and staring dead into his eyes through his sunglasses, demanding that she's going to gongaga, and he's coming with her so he can take her helicopter back. rude sputters, and reno says they can't do that, they can't just not bring cissnei back, and cissnei says she doesn't care. she has a promise to keep. exchanging glances, reno and rude concede, and they drop her off in gongaga.

> conceptually, i think the idea of avalanche meeting cissnei in gongaga is incredibly interesting!!!! it has the potential to create a LOT of gaps in the canon of the original game though, but so does cissnei knowing aerith personally, so. i'm fucking with shit a bit here. you'll forgive me.

i imagine when cissnei ambushes (?) them outside the town, she first sees cloud, how can you miss that dumb hair? she's shocked but happy to see he's still alive, but then she brings her gaze to the rest of the crew and she catches aerith.

aerith is too stunned for words. she'd already been anticipating the trip to gongaga would be rough, she knew this was zack's hometown, but she was in no way prepared to find CISSNEI of all people here.

cissnei quickly puts her wall up however, the stony turk exterior trying to block out the awful look aerith gives her when she ignores her in favor of showing them around town. she still offers her house as a place for the crew to rest, and aerith harshly tells cissnei how kind she is, and shuts herself in the guest bedroom.

cissnei feels hurt, of course, but she tries to ignore it by starting dinner.

EVERYONE can tell something is up with aerith, and tifa and cloud in particular exchange looks and then go to investigate. tifa goes to aerith, and cloud to cissnei, since she appeared to recognize him as well.

tifa tries to talk to her, but aerith hardly budges. "we used to see each other, it's a bit awkward is all," she says, but tifa can tell it's not just that. aerith says she'd like to be alone though, so she leaves her be, uneasy.

cloud is more harsh, asking upfront what cissnei did to aerith. cissnei tries to brush him off, but he's insistent, he can't leave aerith feeling like this.

cissnei does not explain herself to cloud, he has no right to her business, but seeing so many people at aerith's defense was really putting how much she had failed the two of them right in her face.

she enters the guest room and aerith says "tifa, i appreciate it, but i really want to- oh."

the two stand is silence before aerith huffs, "really? that's it? nothing?"

cissnei never was good at resisting aerith for very long, she apologizes profusely, and she tries to explain all what happened, she's crying and choking on words, and slowly aerith loses some of her anger.

i'm like SUPER hesitant to say cissnei tells her zack died, i think it ruins the flow of the story and i do stand by that, but. HOW CAN SHE NOT. she has to. this is fake and not real it's okay.

aerith can's say she's terribly surprised to find out, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. cissnei tells her she tried to help, she tried to get there first, she really did, but they were too late. she's so sorry. the two of them are both crying now, and aerith looks up at her from where she's sitting on the bed, and she lifts her arms to beckon a hug. cissnei runs into her arms and they cry together.

aerith doesn't forgive cissnei entirely, she thinks that was a stupid reason to leave her completely blind, and she's still angry, but at the same time cissnei is HERE. she can't take that for granted. cissnei promises she'll never do anything like that again. aerith accepts that. they kiss<3

> uuuyyyhhhyuyhh yea tifa and cloud gotta tell cissnei aerith died. getting aerith back and then having her taken away so swiftly again pisses her off. she's terribly sad as well, how could she not be, but she's also furious. MAYBE SHE JOINS AVALANCHE HERE. FUCK IT ALL.

and yea my phone is dying ok that's all i have for you now 👍

[ladyriot]

Snippets from the longfic I've been tinkering with for ages and have still not made work in a way I would be happy to write. Tentative title is The Revisionist. Case-fic, angst-fest, pining galore... set after the series ends. Jane wants one last case with Maura and comes to regret it.

~~

Maura's entrance is announced by the muffled sound of heels across carpet. Jane stands from her crouch to make room for her to get close to the body.

Maura betrays almost nothing, in a professional mood that forces humanity out as best as possible because otherwise this job gets too much. But there's something about the way she's holding her mouth that means this one's getting to her, which means this is one of those times that Jane needs to put herself in the autopsy room, a distracting force so Maura won't get too in her head. It means Jane should show up on Maura's porch later and act like it's her who needs comfort tonight. 

She's hit now with a bitter strike of loss. Who's gonna take care of Maura when she's not around, someone who won't hover and worry and hug like her mother always tried to in times it would make Maura skittish to be touched by any hands but Jane's? Who would make sure Maura was okay when she didn't want to admit she wanted company, didn't want to ask and risk sounding needy? 

Jane resolves to call every night, no matter what, be ready to switch to video at the slightest hitch in a voice, as Maura takes careful stock of the body. 

"I can't estimate time of death here," Maura says finally, voice measured and even. "I'll need to do the autopsy first."

Maura finally meets Jane's eyes. "Do you have an ID?"

"No," Jane says. "Nothing on her. Anything you can tell me before I canvass?"

"There should be more blood on the victim," Maura says, leaning further over the body. "Look at the spray, how none of it is on her face. The blood might've been wiped off. I'll look for traces of solvents that might've been used. If we're lucky, fibres."

"Thanks," Jane says, taking a step back. "Killer was really angry. How'd he find the calmness to clean up after himself? And why just her face? You think he knew her?"

"I can't possibly tell. I'm gonna let them get her back to the lab, okay?"

Jane nods dutifully, softening her eyes in a way Maura can read as reassurance. They've become fluent in each other. Maura gives an almost imperceptible nod of her head and walks out of the room as if unbothered.

~~

"Are you doing the autopsy tonight?"

"In the morning," Maura says. "Just an external exam for now, get everything processed."

Jane nods. "You look like something's off about it, though."

"Surgery," Maura says softly. "She has indicators of cosmetic surgery. Look at this scar under the chin. It's where chin shaving would be done. There are also indications of filler." 

"So you're upset because a stranger didn't like her face?"

"No, Jane," Maura says. "I'm upset because these scars are fresh. The swelling must have just recently gone down."

"Are you saying the killer did surgery on her?"

"You know I can't say that, Jane," Maura says. "I can tell you the technique is slightly antiquated. It wouldn't likely be done this way by a recent graduate of the last five or six years. And it's a little less precise than I'm used to seeing in medical books. It wouldn't be out of the question."

"Fuck, that's sick," Jane says. "That's deranged."

Maura doesn't even correct her language. "Dental records might help us see when her jaw was altered. And I've sent swabs of her face to check for solvent and any trace off for processing already."

~~

Maura leans against the window, remembers it's unsafe, (car safety wasn't even tested on women) and sits up straight again, rolling her skull back into the headrest. She's drained. Jane drives carefully, tapping her non-driving foot in a staccato rhythm that only makes Maura sleepier as her breaths elongate into four counts. But she doesn't want to go to bed. Her fatigue is at war with the potential loss of Jane. She swallows hard at the remembrance of Jane's words on video, wondering when she ever got the chance to record it. It'd been so sweet, and Jane had met her eyes in a way that told her it was for her. Mostly for her. It had made her stomach clench. 

Maura'd done her own video after washing the body for the autopsy the next day. Kent had returned as she was finishing and helped her put it in cold storage for them to pull out in the morning. She'd paced her office, unsure what to say and Kent had told her to say what's in her heart. But her heart just thundered a pulse of Jane's name, over and over. 

"You woke something up in me that I thought wasn't there at all. This ability to connect, to love and be loved both openly and entirely. And I love you. I am willing to speculate, just this once, that I couldn't stop if I tried." 

Maura, for the first time, was glad there was so much ambiguity in the word love. And yet still she felt transparent, felt like Kent could read it on her, see exactly how it is she loved Jane.

"How was that?" 

"Good" 

"I'm really sad." And she had felt deeply hollow. So hollow that she went and cancelled her plane ticket. She had wanted to avoid watching Jane leave by booking her trip to begin before Jane had to go. She could spare a few days witn her to not have to see her walk away from everything that held them together and that lingering… posiibility that Maura had little belief was something she felt alone.

But now they pull up to Maura's driveway. Jane shifts the car into park and Maura watches her arm flex. Her mouth goes dry with a want to ask her inside, to ask her to stay, protect her with those muscled arms. But she won't ask. 

"Thanks for driving me home," she says instead. "I was uncomfortable driving at that estimated blood alcohol content." 

"You're good, Maur," Jane says, stepping out of the car with Maura. 

They head up the stairs together and maybe Maura won't have to ask at all. Maura unlocks the door and steps in, Jane following after and locking and bolting the door. She goes off to put her kit belt in the gun safe. Watching that, how Jane still has it, makes her think. How long is Jane extending her work? It never really made sense for Jane to leave anyway. If she wanted safe, there were safe job positions in Boston. Her family was Boston, her whole life. But still, she wants to leave everything to start again, alone, somewhere new.

Part of Maura has to cover up the instinct to believe that Jane is trying to get away from her. Maybe they spent too much time together. Maybe she was limiting her from the life she actually wanted. Maybe she's noticed the way Maura just can't keep her eyes off her sometimes. 

"Are you planning to stay until this case is solved?" Maura asks lightly, trying to curb the hope from the question.

~~

Maura gets ready for bed in contemplatory silence. But then Jane knocks, dressed in pyjama pants and a tank top.

"Goodnight," Jane says.

"Come here," Maura says, her heart betraying her with its fierce beat.

She hugs Jane, lets herself be held, and the horrors of that day, slowly creeping in in the dark, finally start to blur at the edges. She breathes easier in Jane's arms. Feels so safe. 

"Can I… ?" Jane asks.

Stay. She knows that's what Jane's asking just by how soft and scared it sounds. One of the only things that scared Jane was asking for a vulnerable moment of intimacy. Maura nods against her, then exits her embrace, pulling her by the hand towards the bed and flicking up the sheets on her side as invitation while she slips into the bathroom to finish getting prepared.

Clean and moisturized and brushed, Maura slips into her own side of the bed. "Can I turn off the lights?"

"Yeah," Jane says.

Maura does. "Night, Jane."

"Goodnight."

Maura can feel Jane's fierce warmth already and it lulls her towards sleep. She knows she's going to wake up with those arms wrapped protectively around her. But they never do while she's awake.

[regulusttars]

Family is what you make it

I wrote a fanfic of Regulus having dysphoria because i was dysphoric and posted it on AO3 but i'll post it here too

TW: Mentions of Walburga and Orion's A+ parenting (child abuse)

Fuck fuck fuck. I look like shit. I look like a girl.

Slow tears fell from Regulus’ eyes as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He and Sirius had run away to the Potter’s last year and were lovingly accepted into the home. Sirius had come out to Walburga and Orion who did not take kindly to having “mentally ill” transgender children. They had barely made it to the Potter’s before they passed out. 

Over the year,  Regulus and Sirius mended their relationship. Both very happy to know their sibling was going to be safe at home, Regulus drifted towards Fleamont both being on the quiet side, preferring to observe from a distance then being there head first and Sirius to Effie, loving the energy she brought to the home with her smile and cooking.

I need Monty or Remus or someone. Fuck. 

“Amor, you ok in there ?” 

Shit I forgot about James

“I’m fine, J”

“Ok, you ran out the bedroom”

“I’m sorry if I scared you but, um, could you get Remus for me please ? Tell him that it’s an emergency”

“Sure,  Reg, um I know it not the best time to say this but, I love you”

Regulus could hear the smile in James’ voice

“I love you too James, please go now”

Hearing his steps get farther away from the bathroom Regulus let out a heavy sigh, sniffling slightly, he looked into the mirror, only to immediately regret it and look away, trying to control his tears. 

After a minute or 2 a new voice called out from behind the door. 

“Reg ?” 

“Come in, Remus” 

“Hey. I brought your binder and one of James’ massive shirts”

“Thanks Remus, I just. I don’t even know how to describe it. Like, one minute James and I were cuddling, then he wrapped his arm around me and I guess my chest just decided to appear, and then- fuck” 

 Regulus swallowed a sob. 

James probably thinks that I hate him

“I’m sorry for stealing you from Sirius, you can go back now Remus. He’s probably confused”

“Are you sure Reg ? I mean I get it. Before top surgery I got dysphoric all the time. Shit Reg. Some time I still get dysphoric, I’m here for you if you need me” Remus softly smiled as Regulus nodded his head 

As he slipped out of the bathroom Remus poked his head back in “Oh and Sirius said that they wanted me to tell you that he loves you”

“Tell him I love them back”

“Will do.”  and with that Remus was gone.

Slipping onto the clothes Remus gave him, Regulus felt a sense of familiarity as the binder compressed his chest.

Allowing himself to breathe, (as much as the binder allowed him too)  Regulus washed his face and walked out of the bathroom and into the Monty’s lab, which was really just the basement that Monty used for potions

“Monty ? are you done here?”

“Over here kiddo !”

As Regulus’ eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the basement he could make out ingredients. 

“What are you making ?”

“Pain and sleeping potions for Sirius once he gets his top surgery done soon. They are wonderfully excited about it” 

“They’ll be excited under their hormones are outta wack”

Monty let out a chuckle. “What are you down here for, anywho Regulus ? Not to say that you can’t just be down here, to be down here but you did call out for me while walking down.”

“I just wanted to sit with someone and didn’t want to steal Remus away from Sirius”

“Well you’ve come to the right place my boy, Sit, read, study, try to make a new potion, this is your space.” 

“Thank you, Monty.”

“You’re welcome Regulus”

~~~~~~~About 45 minutes later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fleamont!!” Effie’s voice rang through the basement

“YES, LOVE ??”

“DONDE ESTA JAMES” 

“UMMMMM I DON’T KNOW BUT REGULUS IS WITH ME”

“ALRIGHT, BUT IT’S TIME FOR DINNER” 

“WE'RE COMING UPSTAIRS NOW LOVE”

With a gentle flick of his wand the ingredients went back into their respective places with the books stacked neatly in the corner of the room.

“Alrighty then. You coming Regulus ?”

“I'll be there in a little bit, Thanks for letting me hangout with you.”

“Anytime Kiddo.”

And with that the basement was empty of people, bar Regulus. 

Shit, I left James all alone, no explanation, nothing. He’s probably worried. Ahh I should apologize. I didn't mean to. It just happened. 

Breathing in Regulus began to climb up the stair only to be met with a face full of James Potter

“Shit!”

“JAMES” 

“SORRY MAMA, Hey Reg. Are you ok?” 

Instead of responding with words Regulus, buried his face in his boyfriend's chest breathing him in, slowly nodding. 

“I’m glad you’re ok” James' voice had dropped to a soft whisper. “I’m sorry by the way. You need me to stay-

“James, it’s ok. Things just happen. It’s ok.”

James audibly breathed out. “Merlin, I thought you hated me for a second” 

“I could never sunshine, I could never”  Regulus smiled softly, wrapping his arms around James

“I know, but I worry sometimes.” James softly pressed a kiss into Regulus’ hair 

“James,the day I hate you is the day the world ends, I love everything about you” he said with a smile “from your messy hair, to your stupid glasses, your somehow incredibly hot deep morning voice, I love you”  he pulled James into a tighter hug resting his head on his chest “I even love when you tease me for being short” he chuckled.

“I love you too, starshine. Even when you fight with Sirius over who's taller when you're both the same height, I love when you yell at me in French cause you forgot what language you’re speaking in. I love your stupid friends and your gray eyes, that you use to get me in trouble with your brother, the bastard doesn't know when to shut up” 

“James, not the time, not the point” he murmured, leaning back to look up at James.

“Whatever, I love you.”  

“STOP BEING SO FUCKING MUSHY” Sirius’ voice called from done the hall “YOU’RE MY BROTHERS, IT’S BASICLLY INCEST” 

“Toujours pur?” 

“James, shut the fuck up” pulling away from the hug, Regulus began walking toward the kitchen. 

“LANGUAGE THE THREE OFF YOU” 

“Sorry, Mum”

“Sorry Effie”

“I’ll probably cuss again, but sorry Effie.” 

“Come on Reg, let’s get to dinner”  

And with that Regulus kissed James one last time, pulling his hand walking to join his family at the dinner table. 

My AO3 is regulusttars

[katzirra]

Flops on the ground. I'm so stressed out lol... I've really been trying the past few years to take care of myself from ending toxic friendships even though I still see their posts online unfortunately, doing art when I feel it versus it being an obligation, actually getting my health looked at and under control, and trying to eat and sleep better in general. Managing stress and anxiety the best I can...

But I just feel like every step forward is two back for my anxiety and mental health at the end of the day. I'm tired.

I keep having weird 3 hour bleeding since my ultrasound lol and I'm like nah dude, too little too late.

I'm going Thursday to get some lab work done to check to rule out ovarian cancer preemptively which I'm not excited about. I'm a ball of anxiety right now. Then on the 4th I'm having an MRI on my pelvis to see what's going on with my left ovary. I've never had one before so I'm really nervous.

I've never had surgery before tbh so the notion from the radiologist about it so passively the other day is wild. Terrible bed side manner...

Yells. I just wanted to know why I've gained so much weight so suddenly and fix it dude lmao FUCK.

I want my insides to stop making a fist.

CHEWING THROUGH THE WALLS it's funny because I'm so calm and collected about this shit right now you'd never know internally I'm a freak right now. FUCK.

[lastlycoris]

re: breast cancer ai, is the testing that would need to be done to make sure it's an accurate result invasive or expensive or both?

It seems I jumped the gun when I reblogged that article. Despite them using a mammogram on the post's images, this AI innovation is for pathology, not radiology. I was talking about computer-aided detection for mammography, but this is a different beast entirely.

--

So some background, DCIS is known as ductal carcinoma in situ and is a pre-cancerous or a non-invasive cancerous lesion of the breast, depending on who you ask. Approximately 1/3 of people who have this develop actual breaat cancer aka it leaves the duct and start invading other things. So to make sure cancer doesn't develop, people are often recommended to excise it or even get a mastectomy - the removal of the whole breast - to treat it.

But doesn't that sound a little extreme when 67% of people may not even develop it?

I mean, look at prostate cancer, where urologists watch and wait to see if cancer will progress using labs, imaging, and occasionally biopsy. Because by the time you are diagnosed with prostate cancer, you're more likely to die from something else like a heart attack, old age, etc than from the cancer itself because it tends to grow so slowly. And getting a preemptive removal of the prostate - prostatectomy - has a lot of unwanted consequences including urinary incontinence and erectile dysfunction.

Wouldn't it be nice then if we could figure out what forms of DCIS would turn into full-blown cancer and what sort would behave more like prostate cancer?

Well, we do have some tech in the works, I believe, in the form of RNA sequencing, where you look at the cancer's genetic profile to see if it will go bad quickly. But RNA sequencing is expensive, and I don't believe it's common place yet.

And that's what the MIT research comes in. They are stating they can predict the behavior of DCIS, whether it'll act good or bad, by taking tissue samples of past known DCIS (and already having documented their behavior if they turned into cancer or not and how fast they do), using a chromatin stain to create slides, and feeding them into an AI to generate a predictive model that could tell from a tissue slide how DCIS will behave based on the model.

Staining and creating slides is cheaper than doing RNA sequencing according to the article ( I do not have the numbers on hand, but it seems like it'd be right), so this is a big deal as it both is cheaper for the patient and may allow a patient to avoid unneeded surgery.

Of course, the model needs to be validated to see if it works in practice, but it sounds promising.

---

As for what I was taking about erroneously, it's called computer-aided detection, and it analyzes mammogram images.

The CAD software can detect areas that are suspicious on a mammogram and alert a radiologist to them. The problem is that it can mark areas that may seem suspicious to the computer but seems normal to the mammographer. But what does a mammographer do with that information then?

The normal workflow of mammography is that you find a suspicious lesion on screening mammogram, ask the patient to come back to take diagnostic / magnified / compression images aka the breast getting smooshed views (more cost and discomfort), and if it's still suspicious with additional views you do a biopsy (invasive).

If the CAD is wrong but you test, you have done unnecessary imaging or worse even an unnecessary biopsy.

But if you the mammographer say that the CAD is wrong when it's right, you just missed cancer and put yourself in a very tight spot if they run the CAD software on your images.

To answer your question from what I was referring to, yes, the testing to confirm all the findings that the CAD points out would add a lot of unnecessary tests and biopsies for the patient.

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

Open Heart 2 - Chapter 17

Do No Harm

The rest of the week passed steadily and a strange excitement bubbled inside Matthew. He didn’t know why; they weren’t going for fun, and there was every chance Jackie’s plan wouldn’t work. Eventually he put it down to the simple fun of travel: he had never been to Vegas before after all.

On Friday evening, Kyra, Keiki and Bryce turned up at the apartment.

“Hey you!” Kyra shrieked as soon as Matthew opened the door. She almost bowled him over in a hug. “How dare you talk me into this surgery and then get so poisoned that it’s too dangerous for you to come visit afterwards?!”

“I’m sorry!” Matthew groaned, hugging Kyra tightly. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“I’m at my parents for now but I’m still having a lot of hospital check-ups. Surely it’s safe for you to come see me now?”

“I’m sure I can.”

Kyra won over Keiki as easily as she had Matthew, particularly with stories of drunken Bryce and intern Bryce. By the time the rest of the gang was ready to leave for the airport, they had commandeered the entire sofa and seemed to have no intention of moving from it until Sunday night.

The generosity of Panacea Labs apparently covered hotel rooms but not flights, and Matthew had to patiently explain to the grumpy man in front of him that he wasn’t purposely kicking his seat, his legs were too long to comfortably fit into the space between the cheap economy seats. He got little sympathy and had to suffer in silence throughout the flight, hoping his book would be enough to distract him.

Sienna and Aurora were also sat in his row. Sienna seemed down.

“Mitch quit this afternoon,” she explained in a low voice.

“Is that much of a surprise? He never really struck me as competent.”

“No, but…I feel like maybe it’s partly my fault. I spent half the year making excuses and then it became too much and I blew up. If I had handled myself better—”

“Sienna, don’t blame yourself,” Aurora said. “You’ve been through so much crap lately, you didn’t blow up just because of Mitch’s attitude.”

“How has it been since you told him off?” Matthew asked. “Did he take you seriously?”

“He did, finally, but he didn’t think. Jackie told me that Gary always knew where to go after he was done with a patient, but I had to constantly tell Mitch to go down to the ER, or check for new cases coming in. I couldn’t figure out if he was afraid of doing things wrong or still being purposely incompetent.”

Matthew and Aurora glanced at each other.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter,” Matthew said.

“Agreed.”

Sienna sank down in her seat.

“I just don’t really know what to do anymore,” she said. “After I blew up at Mitch, Zaid decided to reassign some of my cases…he thought I was stressed and overworked, and still affected from the attack. He wasn’t wrong but now I don’t know how to fill out the rest of my time. I’ll just think about Danny, which won’t help anyone.”

“Elijah does a bit of research outside of his work,” Matthew said. “Maybe you could do something like that too, just to give you some focus that’s not direct cases.”

“It doesn’t have to be forever either,” Aurora said.

“I guess.”

Sienna rested her head on Aurora’s shoulder companionably.

All thoughts of work were forgotten when they touched down in Vegas and caught their first sight of the strip. Neon lights as far as the eye could see, life-size replicas of world landmarks towering over them. New York City might have been the city that never sleeps but Matthew was sure the title ought to be re-crowned. He felt like a dork, gazing open-mouthed at the lights that surrounded him but it was impossible to look away.

“Someone help me,” Bryce grinned. “I think I burned my eyes looking at Excalibur.”

“Follow me, Lancelot,” Aurora laughed.

They were staying in an extremely fancy hotel: just the reception area was swathed in marble floors and gilded statues. The crystal chandelier was most definitely real crystal and gold. When Jackie gave her name at the desk, the receptionist gave an almost crawly smile. Jackie seemed to cringe and swiftly led the group to the elevators – which were probably bigger than their apartment’s bathroom – and they flew up to the top floor and into the penthouse.

“Holy crap!”

They had walked into a sweeping room with floor-to-ceiling windows, remote controlled spotlights in the ceiling, several plush sofas that looked as comfortable as a bed, plasma TVs in the wall facing a fully-stocked minibar.

“Check out this bath!” Sienna squealed. Matthew looked into a marble bathroom to find a big circular tub, mounted on several steps, big enough for Sienna to lie flat in.

“Want me to run you a jacuzzi?” Matthew said, looming menacingly over the buttons.

“Not yet!” Sienna scrambled out the tub, giggling.

“Just remember this was paid for with blood money,” Jackie warned as she flicked through a menu. “On that note, who wants to help me rob Panacea with room service?”

Matthew couldn’t help smirking: Ethan had had a similar philosophy last year, and Jackie would be sick if he told her that.

As Jackie put in a call to the front desk for a Panacea-funded feast, Matthew snuck into one of the bedrooms and sprawled out on the king-sized four poster bed, marvelling at the silk sheets and velvet throws, then took out his phone to call Rafael.

“Matthew!” He sounded happy. “How’s the city of lights?”

“Pretty sure that’s Paris, not Vegas.”

“There is an Eiffel Tower there.”

Matthew moved to the window where he could see the Eiffel Tower replica glowing against the night sky.

“Fair point. I’ll give it to you.”

Raf chuckled.

“It’s good to hear your voice. I was getting a little jealous thinking of you guys hitting the town without me.”

“I know. I wish you could have come with us.”

“Me too, but I’ve got a super-heavy physical therapy schedule and Dr Mirani doesn’t want me travelling far at the moment.”

“I know, I know.” Matthew didn’t want Raf to get caught up in what he was missing out on. “So, what are you up to now?”

“Right now I’m at Vovó’s for family dinner!” His voice perked right up. “You should smell the moqueca she has on the stove…”

Matthew could picture the scene: Juliana’s bright kitchen, Rafael probably trying to help out and being told to relax, his parents gently teasing each other.

“That sounds amazing. Remind me to invite myself over again soon.”

“That won’t be hard.”

Someone knocked on the door of the bedroom, and he heard Sienna’s voice asking if he was OK.

“I should probably get back,” he said, reluctantly. “Heist plans to make and all that…”

“Go, have fun! And…get into some trouble, OK? For the two of us.”

“I will,” Matthew smiled. “Say hello to your family for me. And the next time I’m in Vegas, I fully expect you to be here with me.”

“Actually I have good news on that front: I could be up for some travel in a few months, if I keep up with my recovery schedule.”

“That’s great, Raf!”

Matthew felt comforted as they exchanged goodbyes and hung up. He had been a little concerned with what Raf would think of the plan, but he had been encouraging, and Matthew was glad Raf was having fun back home.

As they ate dinner – a variety of world foods that they could all pick and share – they put their plan together. The next day would be the main conference which Jackie, Aurora, Sienna and Elijah would attend. Matthew was off the hook as he and Nash still hated each other. He was just going to make the most of the luxury penthouse. Bryce had volunteered to keep Matthew company, though he would probably take another stroll down the strip. Saturday evening would be the big one for all of them. The execs would be drinking and gambling and this was when Jackie hoped their tongues would be loose enough to reveal a few dirty secrets.

Matthew slept in on Saturday morning and soaked in the jacuzzi for a couple of hours. He was lounging on the couch in a fluffy bathrobe when Bryce came back from his explore.

“Check out what I bought for Keiki!”

He reached into a shopping bag and pulled out a little model of Elvis Presly. When the button was pressed, Elvis sang a few bars of ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and wiggled his hips.

“Just what she’s always wanted,” Matthew laughed. “Maybe I should get one for Raf.”

“Do it and they can have a dance-off.” Bryce flopped onto the couch beside Matthew and took some chocolate out of the shopping bag to share.

“How are you doing, anyway?” Matthew asked. “I couldn’t believe that your parents had come into the hospital.”

“Yeah,” Bryce said, heavily. “That was…something. But people have actually been quite nice about it, which I didn’t expect. And people talking about me in general is nothing new.” He acted cocky, smoothing his hair back, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “But I got so angry when I first saw them, even though it’s been years. It…scared me,” he admitted. “I used to punch the wall after I argued with my parents, and at the time I told myself it was OK because it wasn’t a person. But that’s hardly a healthy reaction. Keiki and I argue, what if I get angry with her?”

Matthew rubbed his shoulder. “I think the fact that you’re worried about it is a good sign,” he said. “You’ve been making it work with Keiki for a while now. But the anger caused by your parents will be different than arguing with your sister. Much less extreme.”

“I suppose,” Bryce nodded. “But…there’s a lot to think about at the moment….Stuff to work out…Things to decide.”

Matthew waited, but Bryce didn’t elaborate.

“Are you going to tell me about that…?”

“Maybe later.” Bryce casually popped a chocolate into his mouth. “But not today. Today we help Jackie.”

“If you say so,” Matthew said. “But I’m here for you.”

“You’re a doctor, not a psychologist. But thanks.” Bryce ruffled Matthew’s hair, then paused, sniffing the air. “Dude…did you use rose bubble bath or something?”

“It was so foamy!”

****

That night, the suite was a flurry of activity as everyone got dressed up for the evening. Matthew kept it very simple in a black silk shirt. Elijah was in a maroon tux, and Bryce was in a navy tux with a matching flower print shirt.

“Only you could wear flower print and pull it off,” Jackie sighed, as she fixed a pair of sparkly earrings to her ears. She looked particularly striking in a short, tight sparkly blue halter-necked dress and black heels, though her hair was in its usual bun. Sienna had offered to style it differently, but Jackie had brushed her off. Whatever the morning conference had been about, she had come back with fire in her eyes and had been on edge all afternoon. Meanwhile, Aurora wore the red dress she had worn to her school reunion, and Sienna was in a glittering black cocktail dress, curling her hair for the occasion.

Walking into the casino was quite the assault on the senses. Music blared, slot machines squealed and buzzed, dealers called for bets, gamblers cheered in delight or howled in anguish. Lights flashed in every corner and cocktail waitresses strutted round offering shots…for a small fee, of course.

“Alright heist crew,” Elijah said, rubbing his hands together. “Where do we start?”

“I can see Nash talking to someone at the poker tables,” Matthew said.

“Let’s start there. But we need to be subtle,” Jackie said. “I say we go over in small groups to eavesdrop. Except Matthew, make sure you stay out of Nash’s sight.”

Bryce and Jackie strolled over to the poker tables. Elijah and Sienna went in that general direction, pretending to look around. Matthew hid at a slot machine. Aurora did the same, but positioned closer to Nash’s table.

“I’ve been hearing Solomon Health had a very good year.” Matthew could just make out Declan’s voice. “And I’ve been hearing rumours about vertical integration?”

“You using that machine or what?” someone behind Matthew said rudely. He jumped, then glared as he loaded a quarter into the machine and pulled the lever…only for the machine to start spinning and line up three golden sevens! The entire machine lit up and squealed with sirens as coins started rattling out, into his cup and onto the ground. The rude person looked scandalised.

“What the hell?!” Aurora gasped.

“It was a mistake,” Matthew groaned as Nash started craning his neck looking for the jackpot winner.

“Mr Nash! Good to see you!” Aurora called as she hurried over to Declan. He looked surprised, but pleased.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here, Dr Emery!”

“Well, my aunt couldn’t make it so she asked if I would go and represent the family.”

“And you work at Mass Kenmore now, I believe. Interesting…”

As Aurora subtly turned Nash away from the slot machines, Matthew hastily grabbed his cup and dashed away. There were still a ton of coins on the floor but he didn’t care; the rude gambler could have those.

Bryce and Jackie caught up with him as he was paying in his winnings: he had managed to catch a few thousand.

“How could you win a slot machine on the first go?” Bryce said. “You’re so jammy.”

“Never mind that, did you find out anything?”

“I heard something about Solomon Health and vertical integration,” Matthew said, as the other three caught up with them.

“I’ve heard about that,” Elijah said. “Vertical integration is when a company owns its own supply chain. Basically, Solomon Health are trying to create a monopoly.”

“I spoke with one of the Solomon reps and he kept saying there were ‘big plans’ for Mass Kenmore too,” Aurora said, darkly.

Jackie gritted her teeth.

“It doesn’t help us deal with Panacea. We need to try again.”

“Declan’s still at the poker table,” Sienna said. “This woman came to join him just before we came to join you, but he seems to know her well.”

The group peered over at the poker tables. A tall woman in a bespoke suit and black hair in a high ponytail sipped from a champagne flute and laughed at what Nash said.

“That’s Panacea’s CEO, Charlotte St Yves!” Jackie gasped. As she spoke, Charlotte downed the rest of her champagne and walked to the stairs that led to the sportsbook. She wobbled a little as she went.

“Charlotte seems to have had a few…I bet we could get her to talk. And taking down the CEO would be major,” Elijah said.

Jackie frowned.

“I don’t know…I still think it’s worth following Nash.”

“How about you and I stick with Nash, the others can follow Charlotte,” Bryce said. “Text us when you’re ready to meet up,” he added to the group.

The elevator doors opened to a modern sports lounge filled with flatscreen TVs, leather recliners and loungers.

“Pretend we belong,” Aurora reminded everyone as they stepped out. Charlotte was in a recliner, swirling clear liquid in a glass tumbler. Elijah started rolling towards the TV closest to her and the others followed.

“Yesss, Nick Lawson’s playing tonight. We gotta bet on him,” he said. Matthew and the girls settled on the loungers.

“This sportsbook is fancy,” Sienna noted. “So, where do we place our bets?”

“There’s a screen on the arm of the lounger,” Charlotte said, looking over at them.

Perfect Matthew thought as he gave Charlotte a smile.

“Thanks. We’re clearly not from around here.”

“What brings you to Vegas?”

“Er…”

“We were at high school together,” Aurora said. “Every year we take a trip to a different city.”

“Nice! Where are you from originally?”

“Boston.”

“I know Boston quite well,” Charlotte smirked. Matthew and Aurora shared a glance; of course she did.

“Do you travel a lot?” Sienna asked.

“A fair amount. I have a lot of conferences with work.”

“What is it that you do?”

“I work with Panacea Labs. We provide a lot of pharmaceuticals.”

They chatted a little longer about the beginnings of Panacea – Charlotte was drunk enough to let slip that she had always looked for tax loopholes, even in the early days – and then back to the basketball, which had just reached half time.

“So,” Charlotte said, slurring her words. “Who’s up for a bet? Sports games like this are unpredictable. Every game means lives and futures hang in the balance.”

“Sounds ominous,” Matthew muttered to Sienna. “Do you think that’s the drink talking?”

“It’s hard to tell either way,” Sienna whispered back.

Charlotte clicked her fingers at the server for a refill as Matthew watched a reporter interviewing a sweaty player. He seemed confident, almost overly so.

“That’s Antonia Morrison. He’s an absolute monster. The opposition will need a lot of luck getting past him.”

“So you think he’s the one?” Charlotte’s finger hovered over her betting screen. “The bookmakers have put an over-under on him of 15.5 points in the second half.”

Matthew continued watching the TV as Morrison wrapped up his interview, but as he stretched, he winced: a classic sign of hip-flexor strain. Elijah had gone pensive. He seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“You know what? I think Morrison will score under fifteen points.”

Charlotte giggled and her well-manicured hands tapped on her screen.

“Did you just bet a hundred grand?!” Matthew yelped.

“Exciting, isn’t it? Probably a teensy bit more than what you’re used to.”

The group watched the screens with baited breath. Matthew could feel himself sweating…and Morrison fell short of fifteen points before the final buzzer.

“We did it!” Sienna squealed. “I mean…he didn’t do it…but she did it!”

Matthew felt a little dizzy and he wondered if he’d been breathing properly at all for that second half.

“Well played!” Charlotte crowed, reaching over to shake his hand. “This calls for a celebration. I have a VIP lounge booked at the MGM Grand. Find me there and I’ll buy a bottle of Chateau d’Yquem.

“We’ll be there!” Matthew said as Charlotte staggered away. He could hardly believe his luck. Maybe he should place a bet for himself.

“Come on,” Aurora said. “We need to get Jackie and Bryce.”

Jackie was thrilled with their success. She had a recording of Nash saying they purposely extended testing periods and withheld breakthroughs from the public eye because they knew it would lose the money from the long-term treatment…but Nash was nothing compared to a confession from the CEO.

The MGM Grand was a huge nightclub with a long line of people waiting to get in. They didn’t recognise any Panacea honchos in the line…clearly they had queue-jumping privileges.

“We need to get past the bouncer,” Jackie scowled. “Bryce, flirt with him until he lets us in.”

“What?” Bryce spluttered. “What if he’s not into dudes?”

“Since when has that stopped you?” Sienna laughed.

Bryce rolled his eyes, but put on a charming smile and strutted to the bouncer who watched him warily. The group waited as Bryce ran his hand up the bouncers arm…the bouncer rolled his eyes and waved him in. Everyone else charged in after him.

“What did you say?”

“Well, I used my medical training to be very specific about which body parts of our anatomies would fit together…and he let me in on the grounds that I would never speak to him again.”

The group laughed. Matthew looked at Jackie, expecting a witty remark, but she was frowning and her eyes were focused straight ahead where Nash and Charlotte were in the VIP lounge.

“Jackie? You OK?”

“Come help me get my phone ready. You guys wait here.” Jackie grabbed Matthew by the front of his shirt and dragged him towards a bathroom.

“Wait, I can’t go in there!”

“It’s fine, just pretend we’re hooking up.”

A few women were fixing their make-up in the mirror. They jumped when Matthew was dragged in, then burst into giggles when he and Jackie crammed into a stall and locked it behind them.

“You owe me for this.”

“I’ll owe you for a lifetime.” Jackie’s hands trembled as she swiped at her phone, her brow furrowed in fury. “I got an app that filters out background noise. I’ll set it up and we’ll nail those bastards to the wall.”

She accidentally tapped out the app and cursed loudly. Matthew gently took the phone from her to continue the set-up. Jackie leaned against the wall, her hands clenched into fists.

“We need to find something, Matthew. I need Nash to suffer.”

“You’re not the only one who wants that.”

“No. I need it. Nash is out there, right now, making deals that will literally kill people as he drinks champagne. He deserves to lose everything.”

“You’re getting a bit…intense,” Matthew said in alarm. “Why do you want this so bad?”

Jackie made a strangled noise as she kicked at the wall. Matthew’s stomach squeezed when he saw the tears in her eyes when she faced him.

“This is the only way I know how to make it right. I let them buy me off and I hate myself for it. Nash is a slime bag but I should have done better. I was the one who was too weak. And it’s going to carry on…Nash will make his shady deals and there’ll be plenty of desperate doctors willing to help in exchange for extra cash.” She hastily dabbed her thumb under her eyes. “Sorry…I’ve barely slept over this.”

“Jackie, this isn’t all on you…”

“No. If I can do something to stop it…it won’t solve the whole problem but it’s a start. I’m sick of Big Pharma.”

Matthew’s heart broke for her. He handed the phone back, ready to record.

“Let’s go take them down.”

They found their friends at the edge of the dancefloor and huddled together. Jackie thrust the phone into Matthew’s hands, agitated.

“You need to do it,” she said. “I’m too…”

She couldn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t need to. Matthew squeezed her hand as he took the phone.

“Maybe it’s best if one of us goes anyway,” Elijah said. “You were the one who made the bet, Matthew. If she asks, just say we had to stop somewhere but we’re on our way.”

“We’ll wait for you on the rooftop terrace,” Bryce added.

He went with Aurora and Jackie, whilst Elijah and Sienna waited in the corner until Nash drained his glass and stood up. Almost as soon as he was in the main area of the club, Elijah rolled into him and Sienna started waylaying him about the Panacea perks program. Matthew ducked under the VIP rope.

“There you are!” Charlotte was trashed. “Where are your friends?”

“They wanted to stay at the casino a bit longer but they’re on their way,” Matthew said as Charlotte poured him a generous glass of champagne. “I still can’t believe how easily you placed a hundred thousand dollar bet…”

“I forgot how shocking the numbers can seem to the lower classes but it’s child’s play, really.”

Matthew ignored the jab. Charlotte had to keep talking.

“Humans are designed to thrive on adrenaline. The greater the risk, the greater the pay-off.” She smirked. “C’mon, you must get a rush from something.”

“Well…I once impersonated a doctor.”

“How?”

“I was at the mall and someone started choking. They called for a doctor but no one stood…so I ran up and did the Heimlich, like they do on TV.” He shrugged it off. “It worked. The guy woke up. And the ambulance crew asked me which hospital I worked at and thanked me for my service.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Matthew had saved someone from choking in a mall food court during his med school years, but he had made it very clear he was only a student. The people hadn’t cared; they wanted their friend to be OK, and Matthew was the closest thing to a doctor they could get.

“Unbelievable. You got lucky,” Charlotte said. “When I was your age, I snuck into the lion exhibit at Atlanta Zoo.”

“You snuck into the…?”

“They’re just big kitties at the end of the day!”

They swapped a few more stories, but just as Matthew worried he was running out of life experiences to base his lies on, Charlotte took a big gulp of champagne.

“You want risks? I increased my company’s quarterly profits by sixty percent by inflating the wholesale prices of our most used drugs!”

Matthew spluttered. Charlotte had just confessed to text book medicare fraud.

“How would that even work?”

“Easy. Officially price the product at ten times retail. Medicare pays us the full amount for it and we just happen to offer a ninety percent wholesale discount to other buyers.” She sat back, happily. “My head’s going to be sore in the morning,” she giggled.

Matthew’s head was spinning. He had to get away from Charlotte.

“Well, I don’t think I can top that so hats off to you.” He forced a big grin while feeling like he might throw up. “Be right back, I gotta use the bathroom.”

Charlotte waved him off as Matthew ducked into the crowd and bolted for the stairs. The cool night air shocked him for a second before his friends gathered round him. The initial reaction was the same disgust he had felt, but then it turned celebratory when they realised it was perfect.

“I can’t believe it! You did it!” Jackie gasped, pulling him into a surprise huge hug. “Gimme the phone, I’ll take it from here.”

“Charlotte could go to jail for this,” Aurora said, as Jackie trimmed down the recording to just the admission. “Can you believe we pulled it off?”

“I might have known!” said a smarmy voice. Declan Nash had found them, just as Elijah and Sienna appeared from the elevator, aghast.

“I got suspicious when those two started hounding me about the perks program. Amateurs.” He looked at them with disdain before turning to Jackie. “Now, give me that phone.”

Jackie stepped forward to face Nash, holding up the phone showing the audio ready to send.

“I have a friend at the New York Times who was very interested to hear the goings-on in Panacea. You make one more move and I hit send.”

Nash went pale.

“W-What do you want? Money? We can talk deal,” He spluttered. “I could get you a consultant job at Panacea alongside your doctor job if you want!”

“You think this is about money?” Matthew snapped. Money seemed to have been the cause of most of his problems this year and he had had enough. From constantly asking how much patients could pay Edenbrook, all the way back to his father covering his sisters medical bills, and then screwing over Holly during the divorce. Had the world always been this way, or had he just now noticed? “You think we did this for a pay out? Not everyone is as disgustingly greedy as you are. The only thing we want is to get Panacea out of Edenbrook and Kenmore for good.”

“I can make that happen too!” Nash said, but then he paused. “Although…you know if you send that, you won’t come out of this clean.”

“What?”

“A story this big would lead to investigations. Every single doctor who took payments from Panacea Labs…and how many payments they took.”

He raised an eyebrow, pointedly. Matthew expected Jackie to flip Nash off and send the file, but she had frozen in place.

“So it was a couple of consultations. Big deal!” Sienna protested, but Nash laughed nastily. He still had cards to play.

“Your friends don’t know, do they? Well, kids, Jackie here was one of the highest perk recipients at the hospital.” He said the words with relish, and crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk, thinking he had won. Jackie couldn’t look anyone in the eye. She had lied to them.

“So that’s why they gave you the penthouse,” Elijah finally said into the shocked silence.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Sienna asked.

Tears welled in Jackie’s eyes.

“Because I was ashamed. I hate myself for all of it. I wanted to tell you…but I couldn’t get the words out.”

The conversation with Jackie in the bathroom stall suddenly made more sense.

“No patient or doctor would trust you again after this. You’d be out of a job,” Nash said, coldly. He held out his hand. “Just give me the phone so I can delete the message. I’ll move Panacea out of your hospitals. You keep your job. No harm done.”

Jackie tensed…then shook her head, and glared at Nash with cold fury.

“No. There was harm done, and you need to pay for it. And so do I.”

She hit send…and they all heard the swoop of the confirmation.

“NO!” Nash roared. For a moment he looked like he wanted nothing more than to wrap his hands around Jackie’s neck and squeeze. Matthew readied himself to fight him off, but then Nash whirled around and tore down the stairs. Matthew and Aurora raced after him, reaching the club in time to hear Charlotte’s furious screech, joined by other execs as Nash rounded them up. As they neared the door, Charlotte finally spotted Matthew.

“You little shit!” She spat. “How could you do this to me?”

“To you? You’re defrauding millions of people!”

“I think you’ll have to start placing slightly smaller bets, Charlotte,” Aurora grinned, high-fiving Matthew which made Charlotte even angrier but there was no time to rip them to shreds now.

Despite the fact the club was still raving, the roof terrace felt peaceful when they returned. Jackie was slumped on a bench with the others gathered round her.

“You didn’t have to sacrifice your career for this,” Sienna said as she sat beside Jackie and put an arm around her. “I’m really proud of you.”

“Me too,” Aurora said, going to Jackie’s other side. “You’re a brave, strong woman, Jackie.”

“What you did took a lot of guts.”

“You did good, nose-wiper.”

“I’m proud of you, too.”

Jackie glanced round at her friends, and finally managed a tired smile.

“Thanks guys.”

The six of them sat in peaceful silence in the cool night breeze. They seemed to have almost forgotten where they were until a heavy bass started thumping beneath them.

“So…” Elijah said. “Do we go home right now and wait for the headlines to hit, or do we make the most of an all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas that features a recently-vacated VIP lounge?”

The group started to laugh, then excitement grew again as they piled into the elevator and went back down to the club floor, where they wasted no time filling the VIP lounge and helping themselves to he abandoned champagne. It didn’t take long for Matthew’s head to spin and when he started feeling a deep love and gratitude for his friends, he grabbed a half-drunk bottle and stumbled to the edge of the lounge.

“Can I interest anyone in a drink?” he announced, to a rousing cheer. Clubgoers surged forward, and he poured champagne directly into their open mouths, feeling like a god.

Sienna and Bryce were dancing wildly. Elijah and Aurora were doing shots of tequila. Jackie shimmied over to Matthew and leaned on him heavily.

“You’re amazing,” she said, loudly. “Thank you. For everything. I mean it.”

Matthew smiled as he wrapped an arm around her, but somewhere in his fuzzy brain he thought it might be time to retire. He and Jackie stumbled out of the club and into a taxi back to their hotel.

“I miss Raf,” Matthew groaned loudly, as they collapsed on the penthouse couches.

“I know you do, you big dumb-ass,” Jackie said, kicking off her shoes. “Hey Matthew…I’m really sorry I lied…I just couldn’t stand the idea that everyone might hate me when I already hated myself—”

“Ssssshhh.” Matthew leaned over and gave her a big hug. “It’s all in the past. You’re redeemed. And we don’t hate you. I love you.”

Jackie hugged him back, then started sniffling.

“Sorry,” she wailed. “But I haven’t slept and I’m a bit drunk—hey!”

“Let’s get you to bed.” Matthew had swept Jackie into a fireman’s lift and carried her into a bedroom where he threw her onto the bed. He flopped onto it beside her, and soon they were drifting into a deep, drunken sleep.

****

Matthew woke up at noon the next day, with a sore head and a dry mouth. Jackie had woken up before him and he could hear his friends shuffling around the penthouse. He groaned as he rolled over and felt the smoothness of his phone, revealing a text from Rafael: several laughing emojis followed by ‘how are you feeling this morning?? xx’.

Matthew panicked, wondering what he might have sent, but opened up the message thread and snorted with laughter: ‘yur fuvkinn awesummd Raf xxzxxxcx’.

He called him, and he picked up immediately, laughing at the sound of Matthew’s condition.

“Sounds like you had a great night!”

“I don’t think I even drank that much…my tolerance has been shot.”

“I don’t want to think about what mine might be like,” Raf said. “So, anyway, there was breaking news report this morning where a bunch of Panacea reps were arrested. Anything to do with you?”

Matthew was about to recount the full story of their success when he heard a shout that pierced his head: “BRYCE, NO, WE’RE ON THE THIRTY-FIFTH FLOOR!”

“What the--?”

Forgetting his hangover for a second, Matthew scrambled into the living room. Bryce was on the balcony, leaning over the railing. Everyone was crowded round him, laughing and groaning.

“Raf’s on the phone,” Matthew said, squinting in the daylight. “What’s going on?”

“Bryce threw up over the balcony.”

“Eeeeww!”

“If the people don’t have an umbrella, that’s on them,” Bryce said, as defiantly as he could in his hungover state.

****

News of Panacea spread quickly through Edenbrook. It was a double-edged sword. Matthew knew what it meant for Jackie, but Panacea was immediately closed pending investigation and certain medications were now inaccessible. Some patients had to be sent to other hospitals that had better supply. Even when Edenbrook did have an alternative, it was only through another pharmaceutical company that could have had the same level of corruption as Panacea.

Matthew met Jackie and Sienna by the entrance on Monday night to walk home together. They were all subdued, still with a touch of hangover and the hospital’s financial crisis heavier than ever, when Aurora burst through the doors gasping for breath.

“Thank god you’re here,” she choked. “I was just told…Kenmore don’t want to merge…the board decided…Solomon Health bought us out and the board doesn’t want to share that…they said there’s no need to lean on Edenbrook.”

“Oh god,” Matthew groaned. June had been right about the liability of Thorne pushing hospitals away. Ethan had been right about greedy hospital boards. And if Senator Farrugia had been adamant to keep research funds from Edenbrook…

They were doomed.

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