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oysternymph · 2 days ago

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Riddle x reader

‘Sickly studies’

Notes: Yuu is gender neutral and as such they/them pronouns are used, not beta read, fluff, slight angst, slightly ooc. Riddle has a fever in this fic, descriptions of sickness are limited and are not in detail but I still wanted to give a heads up for anyone that is sensitive to that particular subject. I wanted something a bit more platonic for Riddle, hence the romance isn’t as strong as in the Jade x reader fic, but I hope Riddle fans enjoy this nonetheless! Riddle was one of my reasons for looking more into TWST when I first heard about it, so it’s safe to say he means a lot to me. I hope you all enjoy!

Twst x reader masterpost

Wc: 1,584

Finals were coming up as was the end of Yuu’s first official year at Night Raven College. So much had happened in just that short span of time that it felt overwhelming to remember it all sometimes. What mattered was the present, the horrible overblots of the past were but a distant memory, not to mention no one had even overblotted since winter break! This had to be a new record!

What mattered most was receiving good grades on their finals, as the headmage promised to upgrade their phone plan from ninety minutes per month to unlimited if they received all A’s on their finals or in turn, made it within at least two of the top 50 test scores for finals. Which seemed highly unlikely considering mages such as Riddle and Azul attended the school. Plus NRC students were known to cheat on occasion, even if Yuu studied with all their might, they might get bumped down a few places because of a cheater.

As a result, Yuu had requested studying sessions with the top student in all of Night Raven College, Riddle Rosehearts. Despite being the smartest student, Riddle was rather helpful and never turned down a student who honestly wanted to improve their grades. Not only did he often tutor Deuce and Kalim, but he’d even study with students aiming to try and take over his rank as top student such as Azul. As such, when Yuu asked if Riddle would be willing to help, he agreed without hesitation.

Today was their third study session with the top student, they’d be focusing on the history of magic today and alchemy. While Yuu didn’t have any magic of their own, they were expected to remember alchemical formulas and ingredients regardless of their lack of ability to do anything with them. Seeing as Riddle had been such a big help already, Yuu decided to make him a dessert as a thank you for all the help. After attempting to read through the Heartslabyul rule book and only making it to rule two hundred and twenty eight ‘flowers in gardens must never be picked on Wednesdays’, you figured that you’d just avoid making a tart as to avoid the same mistake Ace made all those months ago.

Knowing Riddle affinity for anything strawberry, you decided on vanilla strawberry cupcakes, which while difficult to decorate, weren’t that hard to actually bake. With their cupcakes in tow and their book bag in another, Yuu set off to Heartslabyul and soon enough entered the labyrinth-like dorm. After what seemed like longer than usual, Yuu entered the lounge, not many students were taking up space there. Either due to them being busy studying in their rooms or at the library. The kitchen door opened a moment later as a familiar ginger man walked out, holding a cup of steaming tea.

“O.M.G! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you around here! What brings you here? Your freshies are on flamingo duty today soooo…”

“I came to study with Riddle.”

At this statement, Cater makes a face, almost as if what the Ramshackle student said was most peculiar. Yuu half expected Cater to suddenly blurt out something along the lines of, ‘rule 637 states that students can’t study on Saturdays from 1 to three pm!’ But instead he merely sighs.

“Did he not tell you?”

“Tell me what? Is he busy?”

Cater shakes his head, a sigh escaping his thin lips a moment later.

“Riddle is like, sick. Like, really sick. He got a cold so he’s resting for the day. He really didn’t cancel on you?”

“No, I wouldn’t have come if I knew he was resting…”

Shortly before leaving to the hall of mirrors, Yuu had sent Riddle a quick text to make sure things were still on for today, in which Riddle liked the message before stating that he was still available to tutor Yuu. And yet according to Cater, he was rather sick.

“Well like since you’re already here…”

Cater motions for Yuu to hold out their hand, only for him to place the saucer and teacup into the prefects hand a moment later.

“You can cancel your study session and give him some tea! Well I’ll be seeing you!”

Soon enough the bouncy Heartslabyul student disappeared from their sight, leaving Yuu alone. With no other option they immediately headed to Riddle’s room, making their way to the door before making a soft knock on it. After a few seconds of silence, Yuu could hear a soft groan on the other side.

“…Come in…”

A weak voice called out, hoarse from coughing no doubt. As Yuu opened the door to Riddle’s room, she found him at his desk, a thick blanket draped over his shoulders, a small trash bag filled with used tissues, and a box of them on his desk. Despite his apparent cold he still had a textbook open on the desk, sniffling as he mumbled to himself.

“The best way to harvest mandrakes…ACHOO!”

He quickly grabbed a tissue and sneezed into that, blowing his nose a moment later and dropped the now used tissue into his bag full of them as Yuu walked over to his desk, placing the tea next to him. Slowly he turned to look up, staring at Yuu with a tired expression before his sleepy eyes widened, his nose red from his cold and all the blowing.

“Yuu! I’m sorry, I haven’t looked at the time in awhile I forgot…don’t worry, we can get to studying right away-”

He sucked in a heavy breath before turning away from the prefect, coughing hard into his elbow before turning back to them.

“I have masks if you’d feel more comfortable studying with a layer of protection or we may do a call…”

“Riddle, you need to rest. You look horrible…”

Instinctively, Yuu’s hand went towards the dorm leaders forehead, pressing against the soft skin and frowning at the red head.

“Riddle you’re burning up bad. You must have a fever. You really need to rest.”

He grunted softly, looking away with one of his hands clenched into a fist as his body shook lightly.

“I’m. Fine. Whatever I’m dealing with can be handled once finals are over.”

“Riddle…”

Moving their hand from his forehead, Yuu pulled the dorm leader into a sudden hug. Instantly he tensed up under their touch, though before Yuu could pull away, he slowly moved one hand to hold them back.

“…You’re going to catch whatever I have.”

“I don’t mind…Riddle. I know finals are important…”

“They’re the most important thing in my life as of this moment.”

“Your own health should come before any test.”

“I can’t fall behind, I can’t…”

Yuu tenderly pet the back of his hair as the dorm leader sniffled again, this time clearly in an attempt to hold back his tears as opposed to trying to provide relief to his nose.

“You won’t fall behind…You’ve been an excellent student since your start here. I’m sure the professors could make accommodations if you’re still sick. But you won’t be able to perform well if you’re sicker than a dog.”

“…Trey said the same thing…But I…If I don’t do well then what example does that set for my students? I’d be a failure!”

His voice kept getting quieter and quieter the longer he spoke, Yuu attempted to pull away briefly from the dorm leader in order to grab the tea so he could soothe his clearly raw throat, but seeing as Riddle clung tighter to them as they tried to pull away, it seemed it would be for the best if they stayed close to Riddle for now.

“…Riddle, you wouldn’t be a failure. You’re still human at the end of the day, you need to rest sometimes…I know it must be upsetting to get so sick right before finals, but you didn’t plan this. It just…happened. Life is cruel sometimes, but we still have a month to prepare. If you rest now then you should have more than enough time to study.”

“…What if I don’t?”

Riddle looked up from his friend's shoulder, tears beading at the corner of his eyes, clearly distraught just by the idea of missing valuable study time.

“…You will. I promise. And…until you're better, I’ll study for you, catch you up on any material you need help with. For now, you just need to focus on resting.”

“…Do you really think I’ll be better in time?”

“I’m sure of it.”

Slowly Yuu helps the dorm leader to stand, guiding him over to his large bed and helping him to settle down in it. They walk back to the desk and return with the tea.

Riddle takes a sip, humming at the warmth before he allows for the prefect to help him drink the rest of the cup.

“…Yuu?”

“Yes?”

“…Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

Gently taking one of his hands into their own, Yuu stayed by Riddle’s bedside as he slowly drifted off, his expression slowly becoming more peaceful until it was completely gentle. They weren’t sure if he would be better in time, but bottom line he needed to rest. For now, Yuu would do the hard part for him while he recovered. In his sleep he’d occasionally squeeze their hand, the softest smile on his face as he allowed himself to rest. Just by that expression alone, Yuu had a feeling he’d be okay.

#lynnycore #twst #twst x yuu #twst x you #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #riddle x reader #fluff #slight angst #fanfic #twst fanfic #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #slight whump #whump #oysternymph

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spidercatweb · 1 day ago

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Book Return ★ Spencer Reid x reader

Warnings: none! fem!reader, r wears glasses, r is wearing a skirt, no y/n, fluff!! GLASSES REID!!! Great Gatsby mention because it was the first book I could think of...

Request: "Hello, can I request spencer reid x nerdy-girly reader whos work in museum or library and they are smitten with each other? thanks x"

Description: r works at a library, Spencer comes to get his usual absurd amount of books, they have some very cute interactions, Spencer gathers the courage to ask r out on a date :)

Word Count: 1393

A/n: had a sudden burst of inspiration and wrote this all in one night! I hope you enjoy!! Thank you for the request! <3

It’s a lovely Tuesday morning, and you’re working at your local library. It’s been a quiet, peaceful morning. You’d just handed a pile of picture books to the mother of a cheery little girl.

“Enjoy your books!” You wave goodbye to the little girl, who excitedly waves back. Her mother gives you a warm smile. The girl is already reaching for the stack of books in her mother's hands as she walks, asking for a specific one, eager to read it. You smile to yourself. She'll definitely grow up to be an avid reader, she reminds me of myself.

As you sit back down in your chair behind the checkout desk, you spot your favourite visitor entering through the glass doors of the library. Your heart flutters at the sight of him, you hadn’t seen him in nearly two weeks.

You watch the tall, brown haired man painstakingly slot an obnoxiously tall stack of books into the book return. You grin when you notice how your outfit almost matches his, a dark brown cardigan with an off-white top underneath, and a long brown skirt, which matches the cardigan. He wears a checkered brown sweater vest with a white button up underneath. His pants are a shade of dark brown, almost the same as your skirt. Maybe you should stop staring and go help him, that pile of books doesn't seem to be getting any smaller.

“I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been? And would you like some help with those?”

“Oh! Hi! Um- yes I'd like some help please, that would be great.” He nods and smiles at you, he must be embarrassed by the amount of books he's returning because his face gains a slight red tint.

You take half of his pile of books into your hands and begin slotting them into the return one by one. “So.. why haven't I seen you in like, two weeks?” You repeat your first question, stealing a glance at his focused expression. He's wearing his glasses… He looks so pretty with his glasses.

“Um- I've been- I was away for work, we had a case in Oregon that went on for way longer than expected.” He had told you previously about his tiring work at the BAU, and how he and his team would go away for days at a time to catch serial killers. You thought it was impressive that he had the time to read so many books while still keeping up with his job.

“Well, I- we missed you here-” I missed him? Why did I say that? I barely know the man. “You're much more entertaining than the crabby students who study here for hours.” This was true, just last week you'd had to ask a group of students to leave for being too disruptive. They certainly did not appreciate that.

Spencer huffs out a laugh at your remark, “I’d hope so.”

You both finish putting the last of the books into the slot, then turn to face each other,. Sstanding there awkwardly for a moment. “Are you just here to return books today, or will you be checking out some more?” You tilt your head at him with a smile, waiting for a response.

“I was wondering if the copy of The Great Gatsby had been returned? I couldn't find it last time, I've been wanting to re-read it for a while.”

“Yes! I actually saved it for you, it's at my desk!” You grin as you step happily to your desk, pleased with yourself that you had remembered to save the book for him. He follows, fidgeting with his hands and mirroring your grin. She remembered to save the book just for me. Does she do that for anyone else?

“Here you go!” You hand him the book and hope your cheeks don't look as warm as they feel. Maybe that doesn't matter though, because his seem much pinker than usual. He gently takes the book from you, then quickly inspects it, flipping through a few pages and looking at the cover.

“Thank you.” He smiles. For some reason, he seems more nervous than usual today. He's more fidgety, and can't seem to form a sentence without stumbling through it. Interesting. It's not like you're any better, though. You've been avoiding eye contact with him as much as possible since you'd developed your little crush on him about five months ago. Every time you were around him, your hands felt clammy and your heart felt like it was racing. Maybe the crush wasn't so little.

★ ★ ★

You leave him alone to gather his comically large pile of books. It takes him about half an hour to finally finish. He's clearly carefully selected each one and taken his time to decide.

You're doodling mindlessly on a sticky note when he comes up to the checkout counter, setting the heavy pile in front of you. He grabs your attention with a meek “Hi”.

“Sorry! Got distracted!” A nervous laugh escapes you as you adjust your glasses. Grabbing the book scanner, you wait for him to place his library card on your desk. Clearly distracted by something - you - his mind goes blank for a moment.

“Oh, card, yeah, sorry.” He searches his pockets and eventually finds it, placing it in front of you.

“No need to be sorry.” You shake your head, disregarding his apology.

As you scan his books, he waits patiently, tapping his fingers on your desk in a quiet rhythm. Usually, he would talk to you. He'd even stay for a while if the library wasn't too busy. But clearly, there was something on his mind. He looks around at the various items on your desk. Many sticky notes filled with reminders and quotes, a small pile of books that you read while you aren't busy, a hand painted mug that holds bright colored pens. All of it was just so you. Or at least, what he perceived you to be. And he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't love the idea of you, if he said he didn't want to get to know you more.

“Alright, enjoy your reading!” You nudge the pile of books towards him and set his library card on top. He slides the card off of the pile and puts it back into his pocket, then carefully takes the towering pile of books.

“Thank you! Have a nice day!” He turns to leave.

“You too!” You wave, even though his back is facing you.

Just before he reaches the doors, he spins on his heel and walks right back over to you, a nervous look on his face. He bites the inside of his lip, like he's hesitating to say something. You quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Forget something?”

“No, actually. Well- yes, but.” He stammers, books still in hand. “I was wondering if you'd maybe like to go out for coffee sometime? With me?” He squints his eyes slightly, mentally preparing himself for rejection.

You smile, feeling your face heat up once again.

“Like, on a date?” You hold back a stupid grin.

“Well- only- only if that's what you'd like. Yeah.” He nods, his face turning a deep shade of pink.

“I'd love that, yeah.” You nod back.

“Really?” He smiles wider.

“Mhm”

He huffs out a nervous laugh, “Okay, how does Saturday sound?”

“Saturday is perfect, just tell me the time and place and I'll be there.” Do I sound too eager? I don't care.

“9:30am? At the café just across the street?” This was clearly what he'd been thinking about all morning.

“That sounds wonderful, I'll see you there.” You nod excitedly, failing to suppress a giddy smile.

“Great.”

“Great.” He stands there for a moment, beaming at the thought of getting to spend more time with you. “So… I'll see you then?” Just one more confirmation to prove it was real.

“See you then.” You nod, he nods back.

He turns to exit once again, making his way out of the building. Once he's no longer in sight, you look around the empty library before giggling to yourself and spinning around in your chair.

You have a big, dorky grin on your face for the rest of the day. You can't wait for your date with Spencer.

Thank you for reading! Feedback is very much appreciated! <3 Perhaps I'll write a part 2 of their date if that's what people would like?

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #catnipp writes #catnipps requests

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perseus-jackass · 2 days ago

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okay we've got jason & dick fans who hate what fandom does to tim. im mostly a damian stan and i have to say that everytime i see a post by a tim fan that says ANYTHING abt any of the al ghuls, it ends up being the weirdest grossest stuff ever. do they even realize how they sound????? a lot of posts abt the al ghuls end up being abt tim somehow and ive already blocked so many ppl. but it never stops.

i still think of that panel where tim puts damian on his "contingency" list and says its bc of his "biology"🤮🤮🤮🤮

and for a while there were a lot of posts that made jokes abt how tim had the highest kill count in the family. Like are you flexing that?????

also for the sake of jason's fans ive got to mention red hood tim aus. the only way he gets to be red hood if you flipped the batfams ages around is if you straight up ignore women and poc characters - and then tim fans do. But no he would not give a shit abt crime alley lmao he was rich and grew up rich and spoiled and has nothing in common w these people

YES YES YES OMG THANK YOUUUUUU i’ve said up before, I’ll say it again.

If you have not read a comic that they’re in pre-911 you don’t get to speak on the Al Ghuls.

And for the most part, it’s usually Ra’s or Damian, but I’ve seen Talia catch a few strays from Tim fans too!! Which pisses me off like you do not know my wife. I just don’t understand how they can’t see the blatant racism. I am beating them away from Ra’s and Damian with a stick.

I have not read that because I make a point to avoid Tim reading stuff. And more specifically early Tim and Damian stuff because of the way Damian is written, BUT THATS INSANE WTF. I will have to go to my Damian fan mutuals about this. That’s genuinely so racist. What the fuck who wrote that? Was it Morrison? It was probably Morrison.

“Tim has the highest kill count in the family.” I WILL KILL YOU. It’s basic comic book logic that if the deaths do not happen on screen, they did not happen. THOSE BASES DONT FUCKING COUNT OMG

Also, thank you for the reverse robins comment. Those are the bane of my existence. If we’re gonna reverse robins, either Steph is Red Hood or we just reverse the order and keep the roles the same.

You’re absolutely right about Tim not giving a shit about Crime Alley. The whole reason Jason made that his whole thing is cause that’s where he’s from, those were his people, he loved them. Tim doesn’t have that.

But yeah, Tim stans ignoring women and POC once again? I’m so surprised.

#dc #dc comics #jason todd #damian wayne #damian al ghul #anti tim drake

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clytemnestradidnothingwrong · 2 days ago

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I've got thoughts on this article that I'm going to share whether anyone likes it or not.

"When my first son claimed he was trans, I eagerly ‘affirmed’ him. When his three-year-old brother decided he wanted to be trans, too, I realized I’d made a terrible mistake."

Gay and "transgender" are opposing concepts, and this is one of the many things that prove it. When a sibling comes out a gay, you don't usually have another sibling following.

"My friends and I felt like we were the cool kids, on the vanguard of the revolutionary wave that would change the world. We were going to achieve what people in that milieu call “collective liberation.”

I used to think this was admirable and that people like this were just misled, but the more I gain exposure to these types, the more I think no, they're not really that well intentioned. A lot of this modern "social justice activism" just seems to be unearned hero complexes. Are you really so self-absorbed that you think asking people to say pronouns is truly going to save the world?

"Having children and experiencing the love and devotion I felt toward them, was a game changer for me. I began to experience internal tensions. My thinking was split between what I felt instinctively as a mother; and what I “should” be feeling and doing as a white anti-racist social-justice parent."

As much as SJW types annoy me, I do think it's a real shame that "social justice" has just become another sniff-your-own-farts movement instead of I-actually-care-about-other-people movement. Just feeds into my theory that humans by nature are not good. I'm also sick of everyone asking us to repress our instincts in favor of embracing whatever narrative is trendy.

"Because I’d felt victimized by my parents’ rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure to honor my own children’s “authentic” selves. In particular, I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender."

This is what everyone's doing now, and it's disturbing. Fake woke parents like this who immerse themselves in faux social justice are convinced "trans" people are the world's most oppressed group, and are thus constantly on the alert for any signs of being "trans". If "trans" people hadn't killed the feminist movement and gay rights community, these kids would just be allowed to be themselves. Especially because a lot of traits that everyone believes now means "transgender" actually mean gay. Whether they realize it or not (and tbh I think many do deep down), these pretend liberals have primed everyone to sniff out signs of homosexuality so that modern medicine can "fix" it through "gender affirming care".

"My spouse and I raised our sons with gender-neutral clothes, toys, and language. While we used he/him pronouns, and others called them boys, we did not call them boys, or even tell them that they were boys. In our everyday reading of books or descriptions of people in our lives, we did not say “man” or “woman”; we said “people.” We thought we were doing the right thing, both for them and for the world."

My coworker does this. She has a son and she calls him "he", but she won't ever refer to him as her son or as a boy. People have deluded themselves into thinking this does something good, but all it does is make it harder to acknowledge reality.

"Even when our first son was still young, he already struck us as different from other boys—being both extremely gifted and unusually sensitive. By age three or so, he started to orient more toward the females in his life than the males. “I like the mamas,” he would say. We started to attribute some of this difference to the possibility that he was transgender."

To me, this reveals the inherent misogyny of trans activists. The idea that a boy can't prefer being around girls instead of others boys is misogyny.

"Instead of orienting him toward the reality of his biological sex by telling him he was a boy, we wanted him to tell us if he felt he was a boy or a girl. As true believers, we thought that we should “follow his lead” to determine his true identity."

"Trans" kids are like vegan cats - they are made, not born.

"At the same time, I was taking a deep dive into the field of attachment and child development. This made me understand that attachment is hierarchical; and that parents, not children, are meant to be in the lead. This obviously conflicted with my insistence on letting my child decide his gender. Sadly, it was the latter impulse that won the day."

You would think anyone who is familiar with child psychology at all would understand the child should never lead, but that would be underestimating the power of group think.

"I told him, “When babies are born with a penis, they are called boys, and when babies are born with a vagina, they are called girls. But some babies who are born with a penis can be girls, and some babies born with a vagina can be boys. It all depends on what you feel deep inside."

Every time I hear or see this "what matters is how you feel!" bullshit, I wonder what less individualistic cultures think when they read it. Because when you take a step back and look at it objectively, it comes off as incredibly self-centered.

"He continued to ask me what he was, and I continued to repeat these lines. I’d resolved my inner conflict by “leading” my son with this framework. Or so I told myself."

Rationalizing the irrational. If she had taken a step back, maybe she would've realized she only made him more confused, which is what leaves children vulnerable to the abuse that is "gender affirming care".

"His question, and my response to it, would come back to haunt me. In fact, I remain haunted to this day. To the extent I was “leading” my son anywhere, it was down a path of lies—an on-ramp to psychological damage and irreversible medical interventions. All in the name of love, acceptance, and liberation."

Again, I'm beyond disgusted about how twisted the "progressive" movement became. I'm disgusted by how ALL well intentioned movements so quickly descend into something evil.

"On the way home that night, I resolved to put all my own feelings away and support my transgender child. And that is what I did."

A "trans" kid of your own making.

"We told him he could be a girl. He jumped up and down on the bed, happily saying, “I’m a girl, I’m a girl!” We—not our son—initiated changing his name."

I wonder if you (or any trans activist) ever considered that maybe he was so excited to be a "girl" because you told him he could be after he spent years asking you what he was.

"We socially transitioned him and enforced this transition with his younger brother, who was then only two years old and could barely pronounce his older brother’s real name."

That's pretty fucked up that you tried to force this crap on a 2 year old, actually.

"When I look back at this, it is almost too much to write about. How could a mother do this to her child? To her children?"

I ask myself this every time I see a mother "transition" her child. The answer is almost always CLOUT.

"Once we made this decision, we received resounding praise and affirmation from most of our peers."

See?

"One of my friends, who’d also socially transitioned her young child, assured me that this was a healthy, neutral way to allow children to “explore” their gender identity before puberty, when decisions would have to be made about puberty blockers and hormones."

From an outside-of-the-cult standpoint, this makes no sense. He's not exploring anything. You've locked him in.

"We sought out support groups for parents of transgender children, so that we could find out if we’d done the “right thing.” It hadn’t escaped my notice that our son hadn’t exhibited any signs of actual gender dysphoria. Was he actually transgender?"

No. Nobody is.

"At these support groups, we were told, again, what good parents we were."

There's that clout as a reward again.

"We were also told that kids on the autism spectrum (which our son likely is) are gender savants who simply know they are transgender earlier than other kids."

Well, this explains how they justify butchering autistic children. Talk about rebooting the Indigo Child.

"At one of the support groups we attended, we were also told that transgender identity takes a few years to develop in children. The gender therapist running things told us that during this period, it’s important to protect the child’s transgender self-conception—which meant eliminating all contact with family or friends who didn’t support the idea that our son was a girl. I believed her."

This is such an INSANE thing to tell your clients, holy shit, that therapist should be FIRED.

"Looking back, I now see her comments in a shockingly different light: this was part of an intentional process of concretizing transgender identity in children who are much too young to know themselves in any definitive way. (One set of parents attending the group had a child who was just three years old.) When identity is “affirmed” in this manner, children will grow up believing they are actually the opposite sex."

Exactly. There's no "exploration of gender" or "finding yourself" at all. It's creating a "transgender" child out of thin air.

"The therapist endorsed the same approach that many adolescents use on their parents, who are urged to write letters to grandparents, aunts, and uncles to announce the child’s transgender identity. In these letters, the conditions of continued social engagement are made clear: Recipients must use the new name and new pronouns, and embrace the new identity, or they will be denied contact with the child."

Can someone who isn't in the trans cult explain to me how this ISN'T manipulative, borderline abuse?

"His claim to be a girl became more insistent when both brothers went to school part-time, because their program included pronoun sharing. Why could the older sibling be a “she” when the younger sibling couldn’t? Our younger son became more insistent, and we became more distressed."

He saw the attention and affection his brother was getting and wanted it for himself. That's it. That's the explanation.

"We made an appointment to see the gender therapist whom we’d met at the support group. We truly believed that she would be able to help us sort out who, if anyone, was actually transgender. To our shock, the therapist immediately began referring to our younger son as “she,” stating that whatever pronouns a young child wants to use are the pronouns that must be used."

Oh honey, their livelihood depends on transing people. They're never going to say "no, you're not trans".

"When I pushed back and asserted that I wasn’t yet convinced our younger son was in fact transgender, she told me that if I failed to change his pronouns and honor his newly announced identity, he could develop an attachment disorder."

Oh, I'd love to see the evidence for this claim, because it sounds like bullshit.

"For the next two years, my partner and I dug deeper, agonized, and then continued digging again. Everything we thought we knew or believed that had led us to socially transition our older son began to unravel."

Feels like leaving a cult, huh?

"In the days following my first conversation with him about going back to his birth name and pronouns, during which I told him that males cannot be females and that we were wrong to tell him he could choose to be a girl, he got very mad at me, then sad. Then, the next day, I felt my son rest. I felt him release a burden, an adult burden that he, as a child, was never meant to carry."

You'll never convince me there's such thing as a "transgender child". Only an abused child.

"Since that time, we’ve all been healing. My son is now happy and thriving. We’ve watched him come to a deeper peace with himself as a boy."

What these evil, greedy butchers don't tell you is that if you had never been exposed to the regressive concept of "transgender", this never would've happened, and these "trans" kids would've just grown up to be unique boys and girls. "Transgender" takes the innocence and health away from children, and I'll never forgive those demons for inventing it. Good for her for getting her and her family out of this cult.

"I feel like someone who’s escaped a cult—a cult whose belief system is supported by our mainstream culture, the Internet, and even the state."

Cults aren't just confined to small towns or ranches in the middle of nowhere.

"I fear for the future—the future of sensitive, feminine, socially awkward boys. I fear what the world will tell them about who they are."

The fact that gay and disabled kids are being led down this path of medical experimentation and lies absolutely disgusts me. You can call me mean, you can say I'm awful and hateful, but at the end of the day, I'm not the one telling people they were born wrong.

May this mother and her sons find peace.

By: Anonymous

Published: Oct 16, 2023

When my first son claimed he was trans, I eagerly ‘affirmed’ him. When his three-year-old brother decided he wanted to be trans, too, I realized I’d made a terrible mistake.

I was a social-justice organizer and facilitator before social justice took over the progressive world. I was at the nascent movement’s forefront, introducing the concept of intersectionality to organizations and asking people to share their pronouns.

My friends and I felt like we were the cool kids, on the vanguard of the revolutionary wave that would change the world. We were going to achieve what people in that milieu call “collective liberation.”

Within this context, I came out as a lesbian and identified as queer. I also fell in love, entered a committed relationship, and gave birth to a son. Two years later, my spouse gave birth to our second son.

Having children and experiencing the love and devotion I felt toward them, was a game changer for me. I began to experience internal tensions. My thinking was split between what I felt instinctively as a mother; and what I “should” be feeling and doing as a white anti-racist social-justice parent.

Because I’d felt victimized by my parents’ rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure to honor my own children’s “authentic” selves. In particular, I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender.

My spouse and I raised our sons with gender-neutral clothes, toys, and language. While we used he/him pronouns, and others called them boys, we did not call them boys, or even tell them that they were boys.

In our everyday reading of books or descriptions of people in our lives, we did not say “man” or “woman”; we said “people.” We thought we were doing the right thing, both for them and for the world.

Even when our first son was still young, he already struck us as different from other boys—being both extremely gifted and unusually sensitive. By age three or so, he started to orient more toward the females in his life than the males. “I like the mamas,” he would say.

We started to attribute some of this difference to the possibility that he was transgender. Instead of orienting him toward the reality of his biological sex by telling him he was a boy, we wanted him to tell us if he felt he was a boy or a girl. As true believers, we thought that we should “follow his lead” to determine his true identity.

At the same time, I was taking a deep dive into the field of attachment and child development. This made me understand that attachment is hierarchical; and that parents, not children, are meant to be in the lead. This obviously conflicted with my insistence on letting my child decide his gender. Sadly, it was the latter impulse that won the day.

At around age four, my son began to ask me if he was a boy or a girl. I told him he could choose. I didn’t use those words—I imagined that I was taking a more sophisticated approach. I told him, “When babies are born with a penis, they are called boys, and when babies are born with a vagina, they are called girls. But some babies who are born with a penis can be girls, and some babies born with a vagina can be boys. It all depends on what you feel deep inside.”

He continued to ask me what he was, and I continued to repeat these lines. I’d resolved my inner conflict by “leading” my son with this framework. Or so I told myself.

His question, and my response to it, would come back to haunt me. In fact, I remain haunted to this day. To the extent I was “leading” my son anywhere, it was down a path of lies—an on-ramp to psychological damage and irreversible medical interventions. All in the name of love, acceptance, and liberation.

About six months later, he told my spouse that he was a girl and wanted to be called “sister” and “she/her.” I received a text message about this at work. On the way home that night, I resolved to put all my own feelings away and support my transgender child. And that is what I did.

We told him he could be a girl. He jumped up and down on the bed, happily saying, “I’m a girl, I’m a girl!” We—not our son—initiated changing his name. We socially transitioned him and enforced this transition with his younger brother, who was then only two years old and could barely pronounce his older brother’s real name.

When I look back at this, it is almost too much to write about. How could a mother do this to her child? To her children?

Once we made this decision, we received resounding praise and affirmation from most of our peers. One of my friends, who’d also socially transitioned her young child, assured me that this was a healthy, neutral way to allow children to “explore” their gender identity before puberty, when decisions would have to be made about puberty blockers and hormones.

We sought out support groups for parents of transgender children, so that we could find out if we’d done the “right thing.” It hadn’t escaped my notice that our son hadn’t exhibited any signs of actual gender dysphoria. Was he actually transgender?

At these support groups, we were told, again, what good parents we were. We were also told that kids on the autism spectrum (which our son likely is) are gender savants who simply know they are transgender earlier than other kids.

At one of the support groups we attended, we were also told that transgender identity takes a few years to develop in children. The gender therapist running things told us that during this period, it’s important to protect the child’s transgender self-conception—which meant eliminating all contact with family or friends who didn’t support the idea that our son was a girl. I believed her.

Looking back, I now see her comments in a shockingly different light: this was part of an intentional process of concretizing transgender identity in children who are much too young to know themselves in any definitive way. (One set of parents attending the group had a child who was just three years old.) When identity is “affirmed” in this manner, children will grow up believing they are actually the opposite sex.

The therapist endorsed the same approach that many adolescents use on their parents, who are urged to write letters to grandparents, aunts, and uncles to announce the child’s transgender identity. In these letters, the conditions of continued social engagement are made clear: Recipients must use the new name and new pronouns, and embrace the new identity, or they will be denied contact with the child.

After about a year of social transition for our older son, our younger son, who was by now only three years old, began to say he was a girl, too. This came as a complete shock to us. None of the things that made our older son “different” applied to our younger son. He was more of a stereotypical boy and didn’t show the same affinity for the feminine side of things that his older brother did.

The urge for “sameness” is a primal attachment drive in many family members. We felt that our younger son’s assertion of being a girl likely reflected his desire to be like his older sibling, in order to feel connected to him.

His claim to be a girl became more insistent when both brothers went to school part-time, because their program included pronoun sharing. Why could the older sibling be a “she” when the younger sibling couldn’t? Our younger son became more insistent, and we became more distressed.

We made an appointment to see the gender therapist whom we’d met at the support group. We truly believed that she would be able to help us sort out who, if anyone, was actually transgender.

To our shock, the therapist immediately began referring to our younger son as “she,” stating that whatever pronouns a young child wants to use are the pronouns that must be used.

She patronizingly assured us that it might take us more time to adjust, since parents have a hard time with this sort of thing. She added that it was transphobic to believe there was anything wrong with our younger son wanting to be like his older transgender sibling.

When I pushed back and asserted that I wasn’t yet convinced our younger son was in fact transgender, she told me that if I failed to change his pronouns and honor his newly announced identity, he could develop an attachment disorder.

We were unconvinced. But, again, we wanted to do what was right for our son and for the world. We decided to tell him he could be a girl. And that night at dinner, we told him that we would call him “she/her.”

Right after dinner, I went to play an imaginary game with him, and I wanted to be affirming. So I put a big, warm smile on my face and said, “Hi, my girl!”

At this, my younger son stopped, looked at me, and said, “No, mama. Don’t call me that.” His reaction pierced me to my core. I didn’t turn back after that.

For the next two years, my partner and I dug deeper, agonized, and then continued digging again. Everything we thought we knew or believed that had led us to socially transition our older son began to unravel.

I continued to study the attachment-based developmental approach to parenting and learned more about autism and hypersensitivity. We decided not to socially transition our younger son. Not only was he not transgender, we now realized, but our older son probably wasn’t either.

He was just a highly sensitive, likely autistic boy who saw a girl identity as a form of psychic protection. It also provided him a way of attaching to me through sameness.

My spouse and I decided that since we’d been the ones who’d led him down this path, we were the ones who needed to lead him off of it.

A year ago, just before our older son’s eighth birthday, we did just that. And while the initial change was hard—incredibly hard—the strongest emotion exhibited by our son turned out to be relief.

In the days following my first conversation with him about going back to his birth name and pronouns, during which I told him that males cannot be females and that we were wrong to tell him he could choose to be a girl, he got very mad at me, then sad. Then, the next day, I felt my son rest. I felt him release a burden, an adult burden that he, as a child, was never meant to carry.

Since that time, we’ve all been healing. My son is now happy and thriving. We’ve watched him come to a deeper peace with himself as a boy.

Our younger son is also thriving. Once his older brother became his older brother again, he happily, and almost immediately, settled into his identity as a boy.

I feel like someone who’s escaped a cult—a cult whose belief system is supported by our mainstream culture, the Internet, and even the state.

I fear for the future—the future of sensitive, feminine, socially awkward boys. I fear what the world will tell them about who they are.

But no matter what the future holds, I will never ever stop fighting to protect my sons. I am no longer a true believer.

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360degreesasthecrowflies · 2 days ago

Text

(Perhaps controversial) theories on Harry Potter first drafts/story structure

I've been reading some more old Harry Potter meta (critique) (damn I miss those LiveJournal esque communities) and after some of the theories I've read I'm now 90% sure that Deathly Hallows was actually the third, or maybe even second book that Joanne started writing.

I love deconstruction and I am a writer, so this kind of thing interests me on a personal level as a high-profile reference that a lot of people might be familiar with, even as generally I have strong critiques for Joanne both as a person, and as what I consider to be something of an impostor in the fantasy genre, as a writer who both openly (at the start of her career) disavowed fantasy classics as beneath her, claimed not to be writing fantasy, and in my opinion, heavily plagiarised works of other authors within the genre and then played ignorant when called out on it by people who by that point had less power and industry clout than she did.

This is going to be critical of JKR, so for those not interested in that, maybe don't read on below the cut. It's not my intention to make anyone feel negative about something that's special or sacred to them.

Some members of the LJ community noted that Deathly Hallows (DH) has many, many recurring references and callbacks to the first book, Philosopher's Stone (PS), with certain characters even seeming to regress to those versions of them in terms of their behaviors, motivations, and what they centrally held as important.

After considering it again I've also come to the conclusion that that's one aspect that throws so many readers off DH as a conclusion to the series, a series that has 'grown up with' the reader and consciously shifted from children's lit to YA; and from a series of fantasy holiday movies helmed by Chris Columbus to a fantasy adventure series with gruesome monsters and wands becoming essentially the ranged weapon variant of lightsabers or the conduit for MCU-esque superhero abilities... that in terms of the writing, the morals, and the overarching themes, actually DH goes backward in that regard to the Roald Dahl-inspired simple morality of the first book where violence was cartoonish, monsters were existential rather than grounded, and Harry and friends were essentially young children trying their best to solve a mystery; rather than the adults the world has contextually by now established them to be.

Joanne has boasted that she had written the Epilogue very early on. What if she had in fact written out a lot of DH very early on?

She knew the books were going to cover (at least) seven school years. I think she decided after the first one, she would write (most of) the end of the series, and then if she needed to, she could write more than 5 other books in between.

DH takes place when Harry isn't in school. But nothing about the story means it has to take place when Harry should be in school.

Thematic and character-based parallels-wise, it might have actually made a lot of sense for Harry to be the same age that his parents were when they passed away, in Deathly Hallows, to make the walk through to the forest with his parents' ghosts, back the same age as they were when he first saw them in the Mirror of Erised more of an exact parallel tearjerker.

And a lot of the criticisms that DH faces - "why didn't we see inside Hogwarts during Snape's regime, and what happened to Neville, Luna and Ginny and the rest of the kids in Harry's year?" - would be nixed if this story was never meant to take place in Harry's final school year.

I suspect that what happened at some point during the height of her fame and blowup is that Joanne realised that a) she was so successful already she wouldn't have to write as many books as she had originally planned; especially because b) movies were now also in the works or being released, and the actors would only be believable as teenagers for a certain duration, but this led to c) now she had a smaller total possible number of books in which to fit all of her vague ideas of where the story would end up going and what the big setpieces were planned to be. (Hence the lengths started to balloon)

I might end up writing a part 2 to this because (ironically) I don't want to make this post so long, but as a starting point I would theorize her original outline may have gone something like the following:

Book 1, Harry Potter and the Philsopher's Stone. Establishes our characters and the main setpieces; Harry Potter, Ron-and-Hermione (who essentially function as a two-headed sidekick machine), Snape, Dumbledore, Voldemort, James-and-Lily-Potter

X number of books, as-yet undefined, at least one per school year, but potentially many more, like most contemporaries to her went in to their careers expecting to write, that expand on the young characters' relationships in small ways, with Draco Malfoy, his foil friends to HRH, and his family, as minor antagonists to drag out the series as long as possible - and never intended as more than that, while Dumbledore and Snape bubble away in the background

Harry's final year of school, in which Dumbledore is killed by Snape in front of Harry at the climax of the year, is buried in the school grounds, and Snape ascends to the Headmaster role

Only then at some point, Voldemort is resurrected and takes pride of place as the main villain, pushing Snape down into the secondary villain/antihero role

The final book in which Harry returns to Hogwarts a la Lord of the Rings/The Empire Strikes back, too late to have a confrontation with Snape (a classic tragic beat) and instead has his showdown with Voldemort, finishing his parents' legacy and completing what they themselves could not do.

I genuinely believe that all of the following were late additions to the story that ended up taking on a life of their own with the fandom, that Joanne never planned for, never really anticipated, and - because we know that she is both stubborn to change in general, and sees herself as a visionary above steer or critique - refused to meaningfully update or edit around in the final version of the last book:

Sirius Black existing at all

Remus Lupin existing at all

Peter Pettigrew existing at all

Fudge, Umbridge, and the Ministry-vs-Dumbledore/Harry sideplot - which, knowing that Joanne is a woman of faith, reeks of a 'skeptical nonbelievers vs true Christians of faith' plot

Luna

Everything about the Triwizard Tournament

Everything about the Yule Ball

Everything about the World Cup (I would go as far as proposing these were originally planned as three episodic books that she ended up blending together)

Spotlight Death Eaters like Barty Crouch and Bellatrix Lestrange

The Founders, the Basilisk, and the Sword of Gryffindor

The Horcruxes

Anything about magical creatures, aside from as episodic flavor to provide a one-off background character

International characters like Fleur, Krum and Madame Maxime

Most fight scenes, including everything with the Dept of Mysteries

Grimmauld Place and Kreacher

And perhaps controversially, most of the racist/blood war elements of the conflict in the books. Because, in DH, apart from flavor description of what the Death Eaters etc. are doing...

The conflict described seems, as it did in PS, to be primarily a personal one, with Voldemort's vendetta being against Harry specifically, and as a proxy, Dumbledore's followers, and people who believed in him and his ideals.

And maybe that's why Harry, the character, never seems to end up caring that much about the foundational principles of why they are fighting the war, and who it is actually there to protect, besides his personal connection with Voldemort as his personal nemesis...

Because Joanne never originally wrote it that way. Voldemort dies, and "all was well."

#hp meta #anti jkr #story structure #fantasy #dumbledore #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #text post

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mooniema · 2 days ago

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heyy i was wondering if you Could do Sae byeok x fem reader Where reader has a baby sister That’s around two Years old and is very clingy to her. One Day Sae byeok comes over to your house and says hi to your mom and talks a bit before going up to your room. When she opens the door then she see’s you sitting on your floor with your baby sister in your lap and you Reading a book to her. When your baby sister see’s Saw byeok, she turns around and hides her face on your hip because she has not seen Sae byeok many times so she is still shy. Both you and Sae byeok start to laugh because of How cute she was. Sae byeok sits next to you and kisses you softly on the lips again and again. Once your baby sister finally looks up and she is seeing you two kissing but No one has the right to kiss you so she puts her Hand on Sae byeoks chest and scoots her back to get your attention again. Sae byeok laughs again and just grab your face to kiss you again, making your baby sister mad. You turn to your sister and lifts her off of your lap so you Can sit in Sae byeoks lap. Now the two of you are kissing each other AND you are in her lap. But your baby sister has other plans so she waddles over and falls into your lap again and punches you in the chest to get your attention. You yelp out in pain mid kiss and give your sister the mom look but kiss her forehead and takes her downstairs to ask if your mom Could take her. Once you were back, Sae byeok is already in your bed and opens her arms for you to cuddle into her. Both of you end up falling asleep in each others arms. Once you two wake up again, you complain How your chest hurts from the punch. Who knew a baby Could punch that hard. Sae byeok just teases you about it and tells your mom about it at dinner.

Sorry this is soooo long but Thank you so much and have a lovely Day or Night!!!

Sae-byeok x oldersister!reader

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

pairing ; Sae-byeok x reader

warnings ; shitty writing and she might be a little ooc idk

a/n ; Sorry for taking so long, my birthday was on thursday and school was stressful

Men dni

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

It was a quiet afternoon, the kind where the sunlight filtered through the curtains just right, casting a warm glow over your room. You sat cross-legged on the floor, your baby sister nestled comfortably in your lap. Her tiny hands gripped the edges of the picture book you were reading to her, her wide eyes following the colorful illustrations as you narrated the story in a soft voice. She was only two years old, but her love for books was already evident, especially when it meant she could be close to you.

The sound of the front door opening downstairs interrupted the peaceful moment. You heard your mom’s voice, followed by another familiar one—Sae-byeok’s. A smile tugged at your lips as you listened to the muffled conversation. Sae-byeok had come over, just like she’d promised. Your heart fluttered at the thought of seeing her, but you didn’t move, not wanting to disturb your sister, who was completely engrossed in the story.

A few minutes later, the door to your room creaked open. Sae-byeok stepped inside, her presence immediately filling the space. She was dressed casually, her hair slightly messy from the wind outside, but she looked as stunning as ever. Her eyes softened as she took in the scene before her—you sitting on the floor with your baby sister in your lap, the book open in front of you.

“Hey,” Sae-byeok greeted, her voice low.

You looked up and smiled at her. “Hey. Come in.”

Your baby sister, however, had other plans. At the sound of Sae-byeok’s voice, she turned her head, her big eyes landing on the newcomer. For a moment, she just stared, her little face scrunching up in confusion. Then, as if realizing she didn’t recognize Sae-byeok well enough, she quickly turned around and buried her face in your chest, her tiny hands clutching at your shirt.

You couldn’t help but laugh, the sound light and airy. Sae-byeoks smiles slightly too, the corners of her mouth going up and her eyes crinkling at the corners as she closed the door behind her. “She’s shy,” you explained, still grinning.

“I can see that,” Sae-byeok said, her voice laced with amusement. She walked over and sat down beside you, her shoulder brushing against yours. Her presence was comforting, familiar, and you leaned into her slightly, savoring the closeness.

Your sister peeked up again, her curiosity getting the better of her. But when she saw Sae-byeok sitting so close to you, her little face scrunched up again, and she turned away once more, hiding her face against your side. This only made you laugh harder, the sound filling the room.

Sae-byeok reached out, her fingers gently brushing against your cheek as she turned your face toward hers. Without a word, she leaned in and kissed you softly, her lips warm and inviting. You melted into the kiss, your hand reaching up to cup her cheek. But before the moment could fully settle, your baby sister decided she’d had enough.

With a determined grunt, she turned around and placed her tiny hand on Sae-byeok’s chest, pushing her back with all the strength her little body could muster. Her face was set in a frown, her brows furrowed as if to say, "No one gets to kiss my sister but me."

You and Sae-byeok burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the room. Sae-byeok, ever the tease, just smirked and grabbed your face again, pulling you into another kiss. This time, she made it a point to be a little more dramatic, just to rile up your sister.

Sure enough, your baby sister wasn’t having it. She let out a frustrated noise and waddled over, her tiny legs carrying her as fast as they could. She plopped herself back into your lap, her little fists pounding against your chest in an attempt to get your attention.

“Ow!” you yelped, breaking the kiss and clutching your chest. “Damn that was surprisingly hard!”

Sae-byeok was laughing so hard she had to hold her sides, her shoulders shaking with mirth. You shot her a mock glare before turning your attention to your sister. Her big eyes were wide with innocence, as if she hadn’t just delivered punch to your chest. You couldn’t stay mad at her, though. Instead, you gave her a look—a mix of sternness and affection—before leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“Alright, little one,” you said, scooping her up into your arms. “Let’s go see if Mom can take you for a bit.”

You carried her downstairs, where your mom was more than happy to take over. By the time you returned to your room, Sae-byeok was already sprawled out on your bed, her arms open in invitation. You didn’t hesitate to join her, curling up against her side as she wrapped her arms around you. The warmth of her body, the steady rhythm of her heartbeat, and the soft scent of her skin lulled you into a sense of peace.

You didn’t even realize you’d fallen asleep until you woke up hours later, the room bathed in the soft glow of the evening sun. Sae-byeok was still holding you, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on your arm. You groaned softly, your chest still aching from your sister’s earlier punch.

“Who knew a baby could hit that hard?” you muttered, rubbing the sore spot.

Sae-byeok laughed, the sound low and melodic. “You’re such a lightweight,” she teased, poking your side. “Getting taken down by a two-year-old.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Shut up.”

At dinner that night, Sae-byeok couldn’t resist bringing it up. “You should’ve seen it,” she said, grinning as she recounted the story to your mom. “This tiny little human just *decked* her. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Your mom laughed, shaking her head. “She’s a feisty one, that’s for sure.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands as Sae-byeok continued to tease you, her laughter filling the room. Despite the embarrassment, you couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of contentment as you looked at Sae-byeoks happy expression, smiling to yourself.

#wlw #squid game #squid game x reader #wuh luh wuh #lesbian #kang sae byeok #sae byeok #sae byeok x reader #player 67 #player 067

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skepticalarrie · 21 hours ago

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Allie, I wasn’t in the fandom during the My Policeman days. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when H was discussing auditioning for the part with his management team. I can’t image they were thrilled with the idea of a closeted gay man playing the part of a closeted gay man in a movie while they were trying to get the GP to believe H was in love with women. I’m thinking that H just told them he’s doing the movie no matter what and to deal with it.

Was there any indication that his team tried to stop him or prevent him from being associated with the film? Did it seem like H was doing extra stunts to be allowed to be in the movie?

I mean, Holivia was happening at the same time as My Policeman. Because both movies kind of happened simultaneously and the DWD fiasco completely overshadowed MP. If I had to guess, I’d say Harry constantly finds himself making these kinds of trade-offs… like, doing one thing to be able to do another. It’s a lot of power games and strategic exchanges, I imagine. The key thing is that he’s working toward where he wants to be, and there are undoubtedly many people benefiting from his success who are more than happy to “advise” him on which paths to take.

I just don’t entirely agree with the argument that his own team is working against him or forcing him into things. I think his challenges are on a broader level… labels, industry politics, and the higher-ups controlling the game. I do think his management made quite a few missteps during this period of his acting career, but ultimately, these were still his choices. And if he agreed to Holivia in order to pursue My Policeman more freely and with less interference, well… that was his decision too and that’s GREAT for him. I think this is exactly what he should be doing, tbh. My Policeman had been in the works for a long time, he was already reading the book back in 2020 and making it everyone’s business. So I think it’s safe to say this wasn’t some impulsive move. It was likely a well-discussed and carefully planned decision. It’s been a few years now and I still don’t get it WHY he had to go and do this movie?! It felt something very personal to be involved in and I really hope it was worth it for him.

#ask #my policeman #holivia #actor harry

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dancingsmybliss · 2 days ago

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@danceismymuse

It was something we had in common because you were always able to read me pretty well too. {I said with a doting smile. I know the phrase “scary” tended to go along with the line of “you could read me like a book,” but from our perspective, I didn’t find it at all scary. Far from it. It was endearing and flattering that Jake cared that much for me that he wanted to know me that well. Of course things had probably changed through the years… I mean, naturally we couldn’t help but to grow apart a bit following our break up, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t find a new way to have happiness together should that be something we both want. I silently considered as Elena continued with her audience. I knew in my gut that we had found our Maria, but I gave Jake a nod of agreement when he mentioned giving the others a chance with their audition. Obviously I had fully intended to, but considering how many plays I’ve done with this group of students, I knew where their talents were… I knew their strengths and weaknesses, so I already had ideas in my mind of which would fit best in which part} I was thinking this would be our Anita… {I quietly whispered to Jake as Sasha approached the stage. A smile resting across my lips in an effort to calm her nerves and in hopes of keeping her at ease as the music started to play and she prepared to audition for us. Within a few notes, my thoughts on our Anita were confirmed… Let’s hope Jake agreed with me on this}

@danceismymuse

{A smile remained nestled across my lips and my cheeks felt warm as I read Jake's text message reply} Stop it, Ally! Get it together! He's just going to breeze in and then breeze out again, so don't get attached. {I told myself as I silence my phone and then set it down onto my night stand; figuring I needed to get some sleep, since I had an early morning ahead of me} Stop thinking about Jake, and go to sleep. {I told myself once more before I shut off my light; burying my face into the fluff of my pillow before forcing my eyes to close. It took me awhile, but in time I managed to drift off to sleep. By the time the next morning came around, I got up, showered, and then worked on my outfit, hair, and make-up for the day. No sooner slipping my feet into a pair of shoes when I heard the buzzer going off through the intercom system of my apartment. Given the time, I knew it was my brothers letting me know they had arrived} Yes? {I called out through the intercom system; hearing the familiar sound of my one brother responding} "We're here. Meet us down at the truck, when you're ready!" {He called back, which prompted me to do the same} Be right down. {At that, I retrieved my purse, phone, and keys; quickly double checking to make sure I had unplugged all of my hair devices, before ultimately taking a leave from my apartment. Before long I was downstairs and outside my apartment building; greeting my big brothers with a smile as I approached them} Please be nice to him. {Deciding to just get the elephant in the room out of the way, right from the start, before we were all in the same room together. I saw my brothers both shoot me a look as if to say, "Doubtful," which prompted me to speak once more} Look, what's done is done. He knows he broke my heart, and he knows it was a mistake. He's trying here. He even said he understands if you both decide to kick his ass, which says a lot for him, since you know how much his appearance means to him. {I added playfully with a soft grin, before my expression grew a bit more serious again as I continued speaking} All I'm saying is, please just give him a chance. I promise you, he's changed for the better. {I assured them as my one brother made his way around to the driver's side of the truck, while my other brother opened the back, passenger's side door for me, so I could get into the vehicle. Once I was securely in my seat, my brother closed the truck door, and then got into the truck via the passenger's side door} "He's still a jerk, Ally. Once a jerk, always a jerk. The way I see it, his return here, and this extravagant and showy gesture of buying a studio isn't going to change that for me. If he really has changed, like you claim he has, then he's going to have to do a hell of a lot to prove that to me." {My oldest brother aired out before the other spoke up} "For your sake, we will be chill around him today, but to be clear, if he hurts you again, we /will/ kick his ass. I'd say a broken leg and nose combo would give him enough of an awakening of his pride, arrogance, and selfish choices." {I aired out a quiet breath in response as I leaned back in the back seat of the truck; knowing there wasn't anything more I could do or say to change their protective nature or way of thinking. I just hoped they would give Jake a chance, was all, since in my heart, I really did feel he had changed. I guess time would tell on all of that though} Okay, that's fair enough. {I eventually said as the truck continued down the road and toward the location of the dance studio}

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years ago

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guess who just went to the library and DIDNT bring home any books at all!! even though i specifically went around looking at books despite my better judgement!! amazing what we’re capable of <3

#quil’s unholy underworld #also saw someone returning a bunch of keeper books on my way out and I literally stopped mid step to do a double take #so. if that’s was you. in the blue (s) shirt with bright orange/white sneakers. talking about someone who was being tested for COVID? hi #*(?)#books in a suitcase putting them on the rolly thing while you chatted with the librarian #anyway #i think the universe specifically kept me from checking out books #because there were three different series I probably would’ve grabbed #but each one I was interested in the first book wasn’t there #so. decided that meant maybe I should quit while I was ahead and just leave #because i have so many books to read already #but anyway!#love libraries and the librarians all know me on sight peace and love <3 #also the local used bookstore knows me and my family on sight #so. clearly we’re doing something right and yeah I might be bragging a little. for fun

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buttercupshands · 10 months ago

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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)

(but it did inspire me)

on another note

finally!!

#fanart #sketch #my art #bnha #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #kurogiri #I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static #it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah #I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all #after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters #anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun #it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends #and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume #I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd #and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring #it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201 #and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too #since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time #because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them #but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them #and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume #they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18

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marlynnofmany · 6 months ago

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I tell myself that someday these will be valuable collector's items, instead of just an annoying printing error.

Remember that "black hole between the pages" glitch? I found more copies at the bottom of the box with it. Time to print out more little ~collector's item~ leaflets with the missing text. Sigh.

#indie writer life #this remains one of the strangest errors I've encountered #and the most aggravating because there was no way to know it was there #without reading the whole book again #which I'd already done so many times. with no glitch.#OH WELL learning experience #and I know how to fix it if it shows up again #if not how to predict it #sometimes technology likes to cause problems for fun #this is one of those times #A Swift Kick to the Thorax #I'm very lucky that the missing text wasn't something important #could have been much worse

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kingslionheart · 1 year ago

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I was wondering, do you think alfred and uhtred had feelings for each other in canon?

ALRIGHT SO. I'm so extremely sorry for taking so long to answer, life has been messy for a while now and I think it has been almost 3 months since you sent this. I have basically written this entire answer little by little every single day since I first received the ask and I have only just now finished reading it again.

EVEN MORE APOLOGIES BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE EXTREMELY LONG, I'll keep it under the cut!!

Please bear in mind that there are spoilers for the entire show and film and please forgive any possible typo.

OFF WE GO NOW!!

In general I think it is important to note that the last kingdom is a show FULL of queer characters (and I will die on that hill), mostly because there's just so much subtext in the whole show, and Alfred is 100% queercoded.

There are so many aspects of his character that just betray his queerness and the first thing that does that is literally the thing so many blame him for: the way he treats Uhtred.

NOW.

Let's look at Alfred's first scene ever. Alfred appears in 1x02 and he's introduced as someone who considers himself a sinner because of his inability to control his lust. When Beocca speaks to him about the girl he’s currently feeling guilty about, Alfred's immediate first reaction is to banish her, but instead he's presented with the option of bringing her into his service. Now the reason why it is proposed by Beocca is to keep her close to show God that he's able to resist temptation and, when he does resist, to thank this higher being he so desperately believes in. This is something that comes again in 1x03 when Beocca tells him to pray for strenght the moment he almost fails again.

In brief we know that there are two moments when Alfred has to pray: when he resists temptation and when he's tempted.

After he becomes king he reserves a very particular treatment for this girl who tempted him. In 1×04 we can see, for example, that soon after washing his hands, he basically throws a towel at her without a single glance. The treatment he gives her is a cold and distant one and that's the exact same way he treats Uhtred.

Indeed, as he did when he accepted Beocca's suggestion about the servant girl, I actually believe that proving God that he could resist temptation is one of the two reasons why Alfred has brought Uhtred into his service in the first place. The only other important use he had was his knowledge of the Danes, because, at least at this point of the story, the reason of him being such a fantastic sword genuinely does not stand.

In S1 it is very obvious that Uhtred isn't that much of a great warrior, and that makes sense because he's still very young, and at the end of the day he only first made his reputation when he killed Ubba, which, by Uhtred's own admission in the books, was entirely by luck, since he was actually the one who was about to get killed. Of course it is absolutely clear why he would have never admitted such thing, he needed that reputation and that was the first significant chance he got, but the thing is that he had been in Alfred's service for a few years already when that happened.

Alfred gave lands and a title of ealdorman to someone who was a 18 years old who came from Northumbria, a some guy who had absolutely nothing and no reputation whatsover, and that he himself barely knew, even worse a man who looked like a dane and that was a pagan. If you ignore Uhtred's point of view, that's absolutely insane of someone who just became a king who didn't even have that much support from his nobles yet.

It was serving Alfred that granted Uhtred to become an actual warrior with reputation, before that he wasn't one, as Uhtred himself told Alfred in 1×02.

As I said, the only good reason for Alfred to take such a man into his service was to have danish knowledge in court, but even that could have been something quick, you know, learning the basics and then just keeping contact with him as a spy, exactly as he did with Haesten at the end of S2 and at the beginning of S3, but no. Alfred tried his very best to tie him down to Wessex and make sure that he would remain. Why is that? It is to prove that he was able to resist temptation and being in control of his own body.

Alfred was an extremely pious man as many say throughout the whole show and even in the film. He needed to prove himself to God so that he would have had favour from his part and back then there was also the whole concept of "a king who's not able to control his body is not able to control his kingdom". Resisting temptation with a man would have proven it even more than resisting temptation with a woman, especially because, compared to the other servants, Alfred genuinely arrives to a point where he's actually and sort of obviously in love with Uhtred, so it isn't any longer just a body thing but a mind/heart thing, so even worse because that would cause his judgement to be clouded, Alfred himself admits this in 2x06, where he also says that Uhtred is a temptation to him.

The word temptation is an interesting one because Alfred always uses it with a sexual connotation, we saw that in s1 especially, but I want to talk about the episode I just mentioned. Here Alfred talks about Uhtred to Aelswith and he says:

What if all this time, it has been the work of the Devil tempting me? Offering me this warrior, this seemingly loyal and brave man, who piece by small piece, is eating at my soul and clouding what I believe to be right and wrong.

Alfred here, as I said already, explicitly says that he considers Uhtred a temptation sent by the devil, which, with the knowledge of his specific use of that word, can only mean one thing. The fact itself that Aelswith then replies that "this is what the devil would do" is noteworthy because that is a topic once called to attention by Asser in 1x06 when talking about Iseult he tells Uhtred "I know the devil exists, hiding within beauty is a trick he will use often, I'm sure". Aelswith gives Alfred a solution to the problem by telling him to get rid of him, and that's what does, he banishes Uhtred. Alfred talked of Uhtred as a temptation and then he chose to banish him for a while, does it by any chance remind you of something? His first instict in 1x02 about the servant.

Another thing that is very important to point out is that, as I said before, Alfred is considered a pious christian, so we know that Alfred prays daily and a lot, he even uses prayers to establish a political connection most of the times, but that can't prove his piety because many did too. The only times Alfred proves his piety are those when he prays alone and that happens 3 times in 3 seasons, which is funny since we could have expected way more for his reputation, but since it happens so little there has to be a meaning. As we said, we know that Alfred has to pray in two specific moments: when he has to thank God for resisting temptation and when he's tempted.

So very casually the times where he prays alone are always connected to Uhtred.

The first moment it happens is in 2x06, before the scene when Alfred admits that Uhtred tempts him and after the scene when Alfred screams at Uhtred "I do not know you and I could never know you", which is totally "know" as the biblical meaning of the word, if we consider everything that I have said before. The two other times are in s3, when Alfred's love for Uhtred is way more obvious and rather in a more romantic way than just attraction. The first time in that season is in 3x03 when he's there praying, with tears in his eyes, a few weeks (perhaps even a month) after Uhtred has betrayed him, and there he speaks of him and we see that he's hurt and wants to hurt Uhtred in return, so there's an element of heartbreak. The second time is in 3x06, after he has seen Uhtred again for the first time since his betrayal, and there we can find something close to worry for Uhtred's condition as a pagan, because he says that "He is a man in great need of the guidance of God". In 3x08 there's also an interesting hint about his prayers when Beocca hypothyses that Alfred prays for Uhtred's return and the truth behind it is written plainly on Alfred's face. His prayers shifted from a physical attraction type of temptation to something that could very clearly be recognised as love.

S3 is THE proof that Alfred was in love with Uhtred and, while you can already see it in the first episode of it when he watched Uhtred ride away from the city (which he also did in 1×02), that love becomes more obvious immediately after Uhtred betrays him in 3x02, YES THAT SCENE WHEN HE’S CRYING ALONE IN THE ROOM. While I do realise that it could be interpred as crying because his dream of an england was in danger, STILL you know that it is not just that, that man was heartbroken and the worst thing about it is that Alfred totally knew that he had no one to blame but himself, because Alfred is always perfectly aware of the way he treats Uhtred, think about the “I do not, I cannot” in 2x06 when Aelswith asks him if he trusts him, Alfred cannot trust Uhtred because if he did then he would totally fall into temptation, I MEAN LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO AETHELSTAN WITH INGILMUNDR.

From that episode onward Alfred is on another level of misery, and that’s truly an achievement considering how miserable that man always is. First of all he’s angrier than ever and that anger reaches levels of revenge, confirmed by Alfred himself in 3×09 when he says this:

It was done to damn you. To inflict pain, possibly. I try to make decisions rationally. However, taking your children was not a rational decision. It was thoughtless. It was selfish.

Here Alfred admits that he wanted to hurt Uhtred and why did he do that? Because he wasn’t thinking rationally, and why wasn’t he thinking rationally? Because it concerned Uhtred. This literally always goes back to 2x06, because Alfred did say there that Uhtred clouded his judgment and that is the proof. When it comes to Uhtred, when Uhtred is around, he just can’t think rationally. That’s literally some romantic shit there.

I made the example of Aethelstan and Ingilmundr earlier and that truly fits this whole part really well, because in the film Aethelstan is portrayed as someone who’s blind and acting in a completely irrational way because he’s in love with Ingilmundr, his oathman. I would also love to point out how Aethelstan is portrayed as a pious christian king who prays and acts only for his own salvation, since he considers himself a sinner for his queerness. There’s so much guilt in that boy and, especially, more than once he’s compared to Alfred: first by Ingilmundr who tells him that he has to be pious so that men would speak of him as they spoke of his grandfather, and second when Aethelstan talks to Uhtred and indirectly compares his sins as worse than the ones of Alfred, so the connection between them is not only about piety, but also sins. Then, no less important, I think it is quiet obvious who Ingilmundr reminds of considering how he was “born a dane but raised saxon”. The parallels are right there and have never been louder.

Another parallel that I want to point out is the connotation between homosexuality and England, that’s particularly connected to the film because in SKMD Aethelstan wants to unite it simply to redeem himself for having a male lover:

Ingilmundr: Perhaps return to your grandfather’s vision for England. Perhaps now there is an urgency to bring the pagans to light.

Aethelstan: Will that cleanse me? Us?

Ingilmundr: Well, surely the greater the lands, the greater the faith. Go beyond what Alfred dreamed of. Look to the islands God made, not the countries ordained by men, and bring all to Christianity. So when you are judged, you will be found in balance. And thus may accept both the sin… and the conquest against it.

Notice how even in this whole thing Alfred sort of remains the greatest sinner of them all, because Ingilmundr here says to bring to christianity the lands that God created and not the ones that men, Alfred, wanted to make, it almost feels as if he’s saying that his sin would only be accepted if he does what God offers him in lands and therefore if he doesn’t put himself above God by being the one who decides which parts to unite and which not. Here Alfred is truly portrayed as someone who has put himself above God in his decisions and thus England would have never cleansed him for his sins, because he was directly sinning while planning it and actually, always back in 2x06, Alfred too considered himself a sinner for the way he was laying the fundations of the country, but not in the way Ingilimundr meant but because “I am reaching out for an England, all in the name of God, yet I am relying upon the strength of a heathen”, so what made him a sinner was his connection to Uhtred.

The thing is that as a consequence in the film England is connected to carnal sins and, indeed, as you have probably realised already when you watched the show, that country has ALWAYS been put in some sexual way, you may call it Alfred’s fav kink. That seriously begins in 1x03 when Alfred is making out with that servant (the same one we have talked about before) and he literally goes like “I will defend you with my life, you stand as everything that is precious, you are Wessex, England, always to be cherished, never to be violated, only to be loved, vigorously”, therefore Alfred arrived to the point of seeing someone as a personification of England and that happens only another time in the show and that is in 2x03 when he says to Uhtred “You are a Saxon who is also a Dane, The very embodiment of the England that must emerge”.

THE VERY EMBODIMENT.

To him Uhtred was the personification of England and now this might be a bittttt too much from me, but even in 3x09 when Alfred is dying his last conversation is about Uhtred and the role he will have in the formation of England, and there Aelswith is trying to make Alfred see that it is wrong because being guided (SO RELYING) by a pagan means straying from God’s rightenous path, but what does Alfred do? He literally defends Uhtred and those are his last few breaths, what has Alfred said to that servant? “I will defend you with my life, […] you are […] England”, and look at Alfred’s final words:

Aelswith: Why are the Danes forever at our door? Because we are being punished, Lord, for the presence of this heathen.

Alfred: He is for England.

Aelswith: He is an outlaw.

Alfred: My England... my love.

Alfred basically dies defending Uhtred and while “My England” could be interpreted as him thinking about the actual country, the whole conversation and the whole parallels both between 1x03 and 2x03, so with the knowledge that to him Uhtred is England, I DON’T KNOW I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT THINK “HMM YOU KNOW WHAT, PERHAPS HE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT ENGLAND ENGLAND”

As you have probably understood, I believe that the moment when Alfred confessed his feelings for Uhtred was in 2x06 and he literally confessed them to Aelswith, so at beginning of S3 she has been knowing it for years.

Now let’s see all of S3 from Aelswith’s point of view. In this season her beloved husband is dying and she's painfully aware he is, even more after Alfred confirms it in 3x02. She knows it will happen, thus she tries to stay at his side as much as possible because Aelswith loved Alfred so much and despite everything (cough cough despite his cheating cough cough), then at some point she witnesses her husband's life be put in danger when he is taken as a hostage by the same man she knows he has feelings for. That man escapes and her husband is abandoned by him and, instead of seeing the anger he's showing to everyone, she sees how broken he is because of that, because she knows that Uhtred did not only break his oath but wholeheartedly broke Alfred’s heart. She has to witness not only her husband’s suffering because of his illness, but also the pain he feels because that man he loves has left him. The nearer her husband gets to his death, the nearer she notices the way he wants to forgive that same man who has made him suffer for years now (s3 starts in 891/892 and Alfred’s death happens in 899), then right before her husband’s passing she finds them together in his study, completely alone. She tries to make her husband reason (indirectly even trying to remind him of how much pain he went through because of him) but instead her husband orders her to leave, she probably hasn’t even seen Uhtred return from the room until late in the evening. Her husband dies not long after and she’s hurt because she has lost the man she's stood by and loved for most of her life, but in all of this… Who’s the one who left her husband? Who’s the one who broke his heart? Who’s the one who in a way could have worsed his condition because of the mental pain he had to go through because of him? Uhtred. So she imprisons Uhtred, threatens to kill him, but then accepts to just exile him, but then, in front of the whole of Winchester, Uhtred gives an entire speech about his relationship with her husband arriving to a point in which he even says that he loved Alfred. This is worsened by the fact that, in her last conversation with him, Alfred was going against her just to defend him.

Aelswith’s anger towards Uhtred is the most understandable reaction ever.

A very interesting scene to me, with the knowledge that Aelswith has this insight of Alfred’s feelings for Uhtred, is the scene where she prays in 3x08, because... THE THINGS SHE SAYS!!

Lord God, give me strength and guidance to do your work. If it is right and proper to rely upon a heathen, albeit for violence, then I beg you... show me a sign. Help me. I want my son to remain untarnished by heathen ways. I wish him to be God's king. Pure.

Here she’s praying for Edward in the prospect of a possible connection to Uhtred in case the latter becomes his oathman once he’s king, but it is the last part of the whole prayer that is fascinating, because in this moment she says what a king is if he’s connected to him and, therefore, the reference to Alfred is undeniable: the king had to be “untarnished by heathen ways” so that he could be “God’s king” and “pure”.

Alfred was connected to Uhtred so he was tarnished by heathen ways, he was not God’s king and he was not pure, all because of it.

Alfred eveasdropped this whole thing and when Aelswith noticed him, they both understood exactly what she was truly talking about and the expression on Alfred’s face was one of someone who actually believed those things about himself as well, and indeed you see that a lot in S3 when he shows more than once that he’s scared that he won’t end up in heaven. In 2x06 there's also another hint at that when he says “I am reaching out for an England, all in the name of God, yet I am relying upon the strength of a heathen, the iron of a pagan”, and when Aelswith tells him “You are God's king, lord" his answer is "Yet at my right hand is a pagan”.

Alfred has always been terrified at the possibility of not ending up in heaven because of what he had with Uhtred, but despite all of that he's always defended him and saved his life multiple times, just as Uhtred did with him.

Since Uhtred arrived in Wessex he has risked death more than once in every season, and Alfred has always tried to find a way to save his life:

1x03, Ubba offered Alfred a peace for silver and Uhtred’s head, Alfred refused and told him that he would have returned to the sword if he didn’t accept only to be paid.

1x05, Uhtred unleashed a sword in front of Alfred during prayers, while screaming at him in front of many people of Winchester. That’s a crime that is supposed to be punished with death, Alfred made him crawl instead.

1x06/1x07, Uhtred, claiming to do Alfred’s business, plundered Cornwall and sided with a Dane against a christian king, Alfred was supposed to kill him immediately, even more when Uhtred, supposed to beg for forgiveness, decided to scream in his face that he would never kneel neither to him nor to his God, but instead Alfred accepted Leofric’s proposal of a fight to the death so that “God would decide”, that means he left the possibility of Uhtred’s survival, even more because he chose the exact day for that fight to happen, which, casually, was on the day of a saint he liked a lot, and indeed the day after he called Uhtred and told him that he didn't like the thought of someone dying on that day. He tried to save him by offering him the option of giving everything back and resuming the debt (since it was with the plunder that he paid it), but Uhtred didn’t want to leave Iseult, so he refused.

2x03, he sent Ragnar to rescue Uhtred from slavery.

3x02, first, he was most likely going to forgive Uhtred for desecrating the cemetery; second, he should have senteced Uhtred to death for killing a monk in front of the whole witan and then escaping (thus worsening his actions), but instead he asked for an oath and spared his life; third, after he threatened his life Alfred did order for him to be killed, but as soon as he escaped he simply banished him from Wessex, he could have made someone follow him, but he didn’t.

3x05, Uhtred was an outlaw, while he was in Mercia Alfred could have still had him killed, since at the end of the day he was one of his enemies, but instead he used the excuse of him having Aethelflaed’s protection. Alfred could have killed him and no one would have said anything about it, but he did not.

3x08/3x09 Uhtred was still an outlaw here and Alfred claimed before that he would have killed him if stepped foot into Wessex, but he did not, instead he even assured his protection for when he knew he wouldn’t have been alive anymore to protect him.

Now, I feel like Alfred has a sort of codependency when it comes to Uhtred. That man constantly wants him next to him and he almost needs him to be there, the fact itself that in 2x05 Odda mentions that Alfred always says the same thing about Uhtred’s hall in Coccham “every time we visit”, hints at them being there quite ofter and there was only a 3 years time jump between the first and second half of S2, so Uhtred has had those lands for 3 years, probably even less, so… Exactly how many times have you visited this man in 3 years, Alfred? But, whether there's actually an element of codependency or not, there's certainly something that pulls them together, and indeed it is explicitly said that Uhtred and Alfred are “bonded" and that for that fact alone they can't kill each other even when they should.

In 3×09 Alfred points a sword to Uhtred's throat and asks him if he believes he could kill him, and to that Uhtred answers “we are bonded, you cannot kill me just as I cannot kill you”, and it’s really fascinating because there's a parallel between that scene and the scene in 5x07 when Uhtred and Brida are fighting and, when she tells him to kill her, he screams at her that they “are bound as one, killing you would be like killing a part of myself”, and Brida and Uhtred were romantically involved.

My point is that it is for this exact reason that Alfred was never able to look at Uhtred and excute him as he was supposed to do so many times, even the only time it very nearly happened (1x07) he left before he could see it, and whenever Uhtred was hit by Leofric during the fight, if you look specifically at Alfred, it almost seems as if he couldn't breathe, so you know there’s a kind of “without you I would be lost and I wouldn’t be myself anymore” for the both of them, and you can see that especially in the one who had to live further when the other actually died: Uhtred.

Uhtred very much always clings onto a few things and people, but the more he loses those he cares for the most, the more he loses himself. S3 is truly the start of Uhtred’s sort of radical change, indeed the man in SKMD is almost nothing like the man in S1, and what made it possible was that season.

In S3 Uhtred faces many losses: first he loses Gisela, so literally the love of his life (she was and I will die on that hill), second his brother Ragnar, then he loses Alfred, and not even a few days after his sister Thyra dies.

Gisela’s death has started Uhtred’s fall, and since he got cursed and was, very understandbly, in so much pain, everything escalated very quickly.

He killed Godwin to defend Gisela’s honour and he was obviously hurt by what he perceived as Alfred’s disinterest in defending Gisela, as he himself in 3x04 complains about in a very hurt way that Alfred “allowed her to be called a whore” (even though Alfred did try to make Godwin stop, but Uhtred simply couldn’t hear it because he was too enraged), therefore he betrays him and then subsequentially feels absolutely so guilty about it that he arrives to the point where Leofric, as the personification of his conscience, lets us know that he believed he deserved to died because of what he did to Alfred. As soon as the first occasion arises (Aethelflaed is in danger) he immediately leaves, which you can see was already on his mind as soon as Brida suggested him destroying Alfred, thus he abandons his brother. He then finds out that Ragnar died and he thinks it’s his fault because he left him (though there could have probably been little he could have done to prevent it even if he stayed there), then he suddenly meets Alfred again and he sees how much he's hated by him, or so Uhtred believes, so he falls in an even worse emotional state than before. After some time, Beocca asks him to meet Alfred and Uhtred himself wonders “what makes you think he would speak with me?”, which just shows how much he truly thought that Alfred despised him, but he goes to meet him anyway and he speaks to him. For the first time since they have met they are honest to each other and Alfred shows him actual trust and even love in a way, but then Alfred dies not even a week after (probably the day after they talked actually), so even if they were finally at peace with each other, Alfred still died and they had no way to enjoy that tranquility.

Now all of this took a very obvious emotional toll on Uhtred and I believe that Alfred is one of the biggest because he knew that he going to die, and yet, because of Skade's curse as Uhtred believed it to be, he wasted those final years they could have had together. That man meant a lot to Uhtred and in the books there's this quote that always gets me:

I stood beside Alfred’s coffin and thought how life slipped by, and how, for nearly all my life, Alfred had been there like a great landmark.

And that’s so terribly true because, compared to all the deaths before, it is important to notice that Alfred was the one who was there the most, more than Gisela and even more than Ragnar himself, since the latter left for Ireland right before Uhtred became Earl Ragnar’s son. Indeed when Alfred dies you can immediately see a change in demanor in Uhtred, which is striking because compared to many other deaths he went through, Uhtred remains silent in face of many things, for example during Alfred’s funeral he's imprisoned but doesn’t say a word, the only time he utters something is to tell Finan to do nothing. S1 Uhtred would have never reacted in such a way.

Still in prison, you can see that he goes near a very dangerous edge when he finds out that Thyra died, and that edge is finally overstepped in 4x03 with Beocca’s death, and it is from this death onwards that Uhtred is a completely different person. The process started with Gisela's death, culminated with Alfred’s and exploded with Beocca’s.

As I said Uhtred always clings to people and Uhtred has always been sort of in denial for Alfred’s death. He always dismissed the actual possibility of him dying, even when he himself noticed the signs, even when Alfred himself told him that he was about to and yet that man was still there like “Skade preys on men's fears, Lord”, says the man who at that time believed every single word she said. The thing is that I believe Uhtred remained in denial even after Alfred died, because yes he was with his God, but there was a part of Alfred that still lived: his dream.

From Alfred's death onwards, Uhtred works both directly and indirectly for the dream of an England, indeed he actually proves his loyalty to that man more after he died than when he was alive, and that has a lot to do with the fact that it was the last connection he had with him, as in a way it was also for Aelswith if you think about it, but also there was the aspect that, before dying, Alfred entrusted it in his hands and, since Uhtred spent the whole of S3 considering himself a traitor and blaming himself for it, if that man shows you one last trust, a trust you have yearned for your whole life, even more with the thing you know is most precious to him, what do you do? You are willing to do anything you can to make sure that that dream happens, to make sure that you can prove your loyalty, to show that you can keep one last oath to him and make it up for the one you broke.

That is painfully obvious in the film.

In the film Uhtred has made Northumbria an unified place, and it is actually the first time the whole of it is under one single king (even if Uhtred doesn’t call himself that), which was what Alfred has wanted all along, because he knew that the main problem would have been that particular kingdom, so with this action Uhtred has paved the way for the upcoming unification of England.

In 3x09 Alfred told him that his last act as king was to make sure that good men held power and that's one of the main things Uhtred was doing. Uhtred has known Alfred for 28 years of his life, he spent countless times with him, so he knew what Alfred would have wanted and every single decision he took in the film was so obviously made with the thought in mind of Alfred's wishes, and indeed Uhtred held the reins until he knew there was someone fitting to rule, a good man, just as his king would have wanted.

One of the most beautiful things to me is that Uhtred was lord of Bebbanburg at the time, so lord of the fortress he has waited his whole life to get back to, and yet he was mostly and more concerned about Alfred’s dream dying rather than the survival of that. Uhtred was also in a situation where he didn’t want to fight anymore, he didn’t even particularly believed he was still a warrior, and yet as soon as that dream was threatened, he didn’t hesitate once. That man was even forbidden to take part of the battle, since it would have been too dangerous for him, but he didn’t trust anyone else to protect Alfred’s dream and thus Uhtred went and died for it.

That man would have never died if he listened to Aethelstan's commands, but he defied them to not betray the little trust Alfred put in him right before he passed.

When he went back to Bebbanburg he didn’t even allow himself to die until he knew that there was an England out there and that Alfred’s lineage was on the throne of it, and during that scene he says that all he wanted was to be honoured in valhalla for “standing by an oath”, which yes can be interpreted as the oath of protecting Aethelstan, but remember that in S3, in Uhtred's mind, he did the most terrible thing of them all by breaking his oath to Alfred. Making England happen was the only way he could have forgiven himself for it, absolutely striking is the moment when the dream is fulfilled and you can how Uhtred is on the verge of tears and I think that has to do with two main reasons: first, he knew that with that Alfred would have finally known and understood how he could have never have betrayed him, and second, Alfred’s work was finished and there was nothing that kept him alive in his mind anymore.

Uhtred died soon after that so, in my mind, he totally met Alfred again at some point. In the show, for Thyra who was in a situation where she still believed in valhalla but was actually a christian, it was accepted the view of being in both places, therefore it is most likely the same for Uhtred, you know, a whole concept of peace rather than an actual place.

Dying for England is the most obvious declaration of love from Uhtred’s part, but if we want to point out actual words, Uhtred in 3x10 says that Alfred was “a man I loved and despised”, and he even calls him “my king”, which is something Uhtred will never do again for anyone. For the other kings he always just refers to them as “our”, therefore he speaks for his people and not for himself, but for Alfred? Oh, that’s a “my”.

For Alfred the thing was different because the man was a christian with so much guilt inside, it would have been way more difficult for him to say out loud that he loved Uhtred.

I do believe though that he did say it in subtext when he told him that “I should have closed my eyes and rattled at Heaven’s gate some time ago, it was the hope of this meeting that has kept me alive”, which is a lot, considering that the man was suffering like hell because of his illness, and yet he held onto life just for the purpose of seeing Uhtred one last time. It is also very interesting that on his deathbed he asked Uhtred “are you here or is it my sickness?”, because it hints at the possibility of Alfred having hallucinatione of Uhtred in the past when he was ill and WHY WOULD YOU EVER SEE SOME MAN WHEN YOU FEEL UNWELL? AND ESPECIALLY WHY ARE YOU NOT EVEN SURPRISED THAT YOUR MIND COULD HAVE CONJURED UHTRED COMING TO YOUR CHAMBERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? There’s only one answer to that:

You are gay for that man and you are in love with him.

They both were.

So anon, the answer to your question is: Yes, I do believe that they had feelings for each other.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

#if anyone seriously read all of this know that you have my most devoted love #i first focused on alfred and then on uhtred #there's a double space when i switch to uhtred's part #so many other things would be interesting to point honestly #like for example the way from the books you know that uhtred doesn't want to be called king because of alfred #but it was too long already #hopefully some of this makes sense #thank you for asking and sorry once again for taking such a long time!!#the last kingdom #alfred x uhtred #tlk alfred #uhtred #seven kings must die #god even in the tags i have made a typo #forgot to add 'out' to point so it is supposed to be 'point out'#it's 2am okay #asks

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