#because i could have lost a week of my life and made a video instead

[geniusphilester]

spent my evening writing 4000 words about where i think dnp will move dil, tabitha, and dalien. time well-spent, i think

[sharonccrter]

I saw this really interesting video, which talked about my two biggest gripes with challengers' discourse. Which are that everyone keeps saying Art is the heart of this movie, and secondly, the insistence that Patrick doesn't love Tashi, only Art. The creator pushes back against these two narratives, and I wholeheartedly agree. Patrick is arguably the heart of this movie.

Two of the most important scenes in the movie are the churro scene and the scene between p/t out in the storm, and they both centre around Patrick.

The entire movie is about passion and purpose in life, and Patrick is the passion.

I mean, a lot of people assume Patrick didn't really have feelings for Tashi, but the only person who says that is Art. Who is vying for Tashi and is his biggest competitor. The reason I empathise with Patrick is that he is genuine and loving to Art; he does love him. However, we are shown no evidence to suggest that Patrick is this shitty boyfriend, apart from what Art says when he's trying to get into Tashi's head because his jealous. We find out that they're talking every week while he's on tour (normal relationship shit). It's Art who insinuates that Patrick is cheating while on tour. The only person in this movie who says Patrick doesn't love Tashi is Art, and it's obviously very intentional.

I think the reason both Tashi and Art push Patrick out of their lives is because he forces them to comfort parts of themselves they are not yet comfortable with. I mean, it's obvious why Tashi would react that way to Patrick; she's just lost the most important thing in her life. However, I think it's tragic from Patrick's point of view as well. I mean, what did Patrick really do? He got into a fight with his girlfriend because she hurt his feelings.

And no, he's hurt was not about Art. The fight made him feel unimportant, which made him feel like she didn't actually care about him. And that's where Art comes in, because who was going around telling Patrick Tashi didn't give a shit? You bet ya. Art. Art absolutely got into his head. And even if he clocked it, in that moment, he still allowed it to get to him because he was emotional and upset. And because he was too hurt to support her, he was thrown out of Tashi and Art's lives.

And here's the thing, Patrick never saw Tashi as an idea. He saw her as a real person, unlike Art kinda did. Patrick wasn't going to let Tashi treat him like shit just because she was special. And, tbh, if Tashi hadn't gotten injured, I think it's something she would have eventually been grateful for. But instead, she got hurt; she pushed Patrick away, and Art slid into his place, telling her that she could be his entire world and the star. That's not healthy, and sorry to stay a little manipulative.

And let's talk about Art. Patrick and him were literally fire and ice. They always had this underlying desire. They were perfect opposites. Let's face it: Art could never replicate what he had on the court (and off) with anyone else. But instead of confronting his feelings, he took the first chance he had to get Patrick out of his life.

The girl I was watching said it perfectly, "Art and Tashi allowed themselves to find consolation prizes in each other and allowed them to run from parts of themselves they didn't want to comfort and in turn enable each other's worst habits."

Art tries to become a tennis superstar so Tashi can live through him, and Tashi gives him a family so he can finally be confident in who he is. But is there any passion? I don't know; I think at some point, it drained; nothing about what I saw on screen apart from their initial get-together screams passion.

Cue Patrick walking back into their life and showing them how they can feel. Art was always going to let Tashi live through him, but that was never going to be satisfying for her. Tashi needs to find a way to create an identity for herself, separate from him. And I believe it'll be the only way she'll live a satisfying life. That's why they need Patrick: to make them realise that and to help them rediscover their passion.

I think people think that Art is the heart because Patrick admits to being a piece of shit. But the truth is, they're all dicks; Patrick was just the only one who was willing to admit it.

[peachdues]

STRESS RELIEF — TEASER

Anyways, Stress Relief (my Sanemi-gets-topped one-shot), is next up on my completion list — so have a sneak peek!

I love writing from Sanemi’s POV

CW: none really for this snippet • Sanemi trying to be a good malewife and Reader not having it • this fic will be highly NSFW though so MDNI

Sanemi had seen his girlfriend in various states of being, and he prided himself not only on being to identify what mood she was in, but how best to handle her when she was in said mood.

If she was sad, Sanemi knew she needed comfort, but enough space to not feel suffocated.

When she was angry, Sanemi knew she needed to vent, so he would put aside anything that could distract him in order to give her his full, undivided attention.

When she was sleepy, Sanemi had come to accept Y/N would never willingly put herself in bed, instead preferring to be babied. After several rounds of him telling her to go to bed and Y/N lazily insisting she was not sleepy, and was “one hundred percent awake,” she would invariably fall asleep wherever she had managed to park her ass. So Sanemi would gently gather her into his arms and carry her back to their shared bed, taking care to ensure her phone was plugged in so she wouldn’t miss her alarm come morning.

But when Y/N was stressed?

Sanemi knew to stay the fuck out of her way.

In stark contrast to himself, Sanemi’s girlfriend was not a hot-tempered person by default. Nor was she meek by any means; rather, she was quick to laugh, and an all-around easygoing woman.

However, all that calm rationality went right out the fucking window whenever she was under immense pressure, just as she was now.

Y/N was currently studying for her licensing exam. Apparently, seven years of schooling was still not enough for her to advance in her field if she didn’t pass some stupid national exam that re-tested her on everything she had already demonstrated competency in while at school. Personally, Sanemi thought it was just another excuse to make money off the poor saps who had the misfortune of pursuing her chosen career.

For the past three weeks, Y/N had lived, breathed, and (not) slept for the exam. Sanemi found himself having to constantly remind his girl to eat, stretch, take care of her basic necessities. If she wasn’t clacking away on her keyboard as she made color-coordinated outlines, she was watching review videos, and if she wasn’t watching review videos, she was handwriting flashcards until her body finally gave into its exhaustion and she slumped over at her desk.

Last week, she’d been up so late studying that Sanemi had fallen asleep before he could drag her ass to bed. When he had finally jerked himself awake well after midnight and realized that his girlfriend’s warm body was not cuddled up next to him in their bed, he had found his girlfriend in their tiny living room, still at her desk.

Y/N’s head had been resting on her upper arm and her eyes were closed, but still clutched in her hand was her pen, twitching against the paper of her open notebook. When Sanemi had moved to gently pluck the pen from her loose grip, he had peered down to see scratchy and disjointed inky lines on the paper, he had realized that her hand had continued to move even well after she had lost consciousness, as though taking notes had become mere muscle memory.

The sight had made Sanemi’s heart clench, and he felt an inexplicable urge to lock her in bed for a day just to let her rest. Sanemi knew she was doing this so they could have a better life, together, but he hated to see her put so much pressure on herself. He had thought himself smart for deliberately leaving Y/N’s phone — and thus, her alarm — in the living room, discarded between the cushions of the couch (“so it won’t bother me,” she had snapped when he’d raised his eyebrows in question at her earlier). He even thought she would be grateful to him for letting her sleep in.

What a stupid, naive fucking notion that had been.

Because when Y/N had shot up in bed the next morning, disoriented with her hair in a wild, tangled mess, and she saw sunlight streaming through the window, she promptly freaked the fuck out.

“Do you want me to fail?” She cried, storming around their room, digging frantically through a pile of her clothes as she hunted for a pair of leggings to pull over her bare legs.

“You’re not going to fail because you slept an extra fuckin’ hour,” Sanemi groaned from his place in bed, dragging a hand down his tired face. “You’re gonna run yourself ragged if you don’t take care of yourself. You need sleep, babe.”

She let out a derisive laugh, a slightly crazed look in her eye. “I’ll sleep when I pass this stupid test or when I’m dead. Whichever’s first.”

For the rest of the day, Y/N had been snippy, huffing at every slight noise Sanemi had dared to make. She’d only grown more and more irritated as the night went on, and when he had sighed at the prospect of cooking dinner, she lost it.

“Can you stop breathing so god damned loudly?” She snapped, throwing her pen down in annoyance as she whipped around in her chair to glare at him.

Sanemi stared at her in disbelief for a moment, but he’d never been one to keep calm and cool, so he bit right back.

“I’m sorry that I’m just here, existing, and tryin’ to fuckin take care of ya, Princess. My mistake.”

Her eyes narrowed into slits. “And I’m trying to make sure I get my damn license so I can take care of you,” she simpered right back at him, anger swimming in her eyes. “But I guess that doesn’t fucking matter, does it? No!”

A blush began to creep up Y/N’s neck, a telltale sign she was about to start yelling. “No! Because you think taking care of me means not letting me focus or hiding my phone so that i don’t hear my alarms so I can’t wake up on time, and if I can’t wake up on time, I can’t study for as long as I need to, and if I can’t study I. Won’t. Fucking. Pass!” Her voice had become shrill by the time she stopped for a breath, chest heaving.

Sanemi watched her for a long moment as she caught her breath. “Are you done?”

In the span of a nanosecond, Y/N went from an angry, possessed-looking harpy to a sniffling, teary mess. She slumped back down into her desk chair, lower lip trembling pathetically as she tried and failed to hold in a hopeless wail.

“Okay, okay.” Sanemi murmured, moving across the room to kneel next to his sobbing girlfriend, feeling a slight sting of guilt as he watched her shoulders curl in on themselves under the weight of the pressure she undoubtedly felt.

He had spent the night trying to console her, though without much success. She had alternated between despairing over “the impending doom of her failure” and hiccuping angrily at him for continuing to distract her.

Nonetheless, everything about their future was currently riding on Y/N passing her upcoming exam in a month’s time and his girlfriend was currently one belt-loop snag on a door handle from a full fucking meltdown.

So Sanemi knew the best thing he could do was to steer clear and leave her to her own devices. He could do that for her.

But god damn if the sight of her ass in those shorts wasn’t killing him.

banner credit @ cafekitsune

[v3nusxsky]

Mommy knows

*Authors note~ long time no see people! This is definitely inspired by the last week of so of my life, and I thought this would be the perfect fic to get me back into posting for y’all again. Apologies to the anon for adding things they didn’t specifically mention. Come along for the tornado of emotions with me and enjoy the ride*

Trigger warnings~ mommy dom (LW) subby (L) pinning love sick Lesso, distance, phone sex? Sexting, slightly bratty Leo degrading praise slight angst? Hints of age regression easily skipped over

Prompt~see ask^^^^

The Dean of Evil could never have anticipated she’d be in this state right now, after all the clue was in her title. Evil. Yet right now she couldn’t look the furthest thing from evil even if she tried. In fact, one could say that the salty tear drops caressing her pale cheeks, the almost childish way she’d clutched on the blanket wrapped around herself as she tried to make herself look smaller and the intricate tangles of her fiery curls made her look quite pathetic actually. Weak she’d argue. But there’s nothing weak at falling to the curse of love sickness.

Larissa left for Nevermore 10 short hours ago, and Leonora was missing her lover terribly, so terribly that eating, sleeping, showering and drinking were all things that made her feel physically Ill. The pillows still smelt like her blonde lover, the blanket she was snuggled up in being a poor attempt to mimic the blondes arms, all meant leaving this bed was not happening. Perhaps if she stayed in bed Larissa would strut into the room like she had the previous weeks before. Droplets of water falling from her enchanting locks of hair, towel snuggly tied just above her milky white breasts that Leonora adored so much. The towel of course just kissed the tops of Larissa’s thighs due to her height, something Leo found herself missing. She was jealous of how the towel would be close to Larissa (instead of her) which of course would have had the blonde woman chuckling before joining Lesso on the bed.

Memories seemed to plague the red head, her phone holding photos and videos of their time together only seemed to make her crave her girlfriend more. If one thing Leonora was sure of, it was that distance from Larissa Weems was something she hated entirely. Watching the blonde leave as they both sobbed was now ingrained inside her mind, a constant reminder of much fun they’d had together, that had now ended. Of course both women knew it would end, school semesters were approaching and Nevermore wouldn’t run without it’s amazingly devoted principal weems, and of course it was Lesso’s job to help create a balance between good and evil this year. But now, three days before the semester is due to start, lesso can’t find it in her to care, so what do good wins again? If she has her Isa then that’s all that counts.

Arriving back at Nevermore was bittersweet for sure. On one hand the blonde was glad to be home but on the other she’d left her heart back at the school for evil. Now wandering the halls of Nevermore she felt numb. Alone. Numb. Lost. A shell of her former self before her holiday trip. Much like her lover, nothing felt right anymore, she found herself looking for Leo, to be waiting for the next bratty comment so she could swiftly put her sweet girl back in her place. But it never came, because she was alone.

Larissa had warned two close friends of hers she would be in need of assistance upon her arrival, Marilyn and Mortica Addams seemed to have forgotten that as they were no where to be seen. All staff had to be back at the grounds today to prep for the students arrival within the next 48 hours. So it hurt to feel so alone even though she knew people who were meant to care were around. What hurt Larissa most was to see both her friends happily chatting away in the halls while she could hardly keep herself upright due to the ache in her heart. If only Leonora was here, then she wouldn’t be alone at all. Perhaps that’s why Larissa made her way to her office and locked herself away from the world. Who wants to see love and joy when they’ve had there’s taken away by a long distance.

Texting and calling felt wrong now. How can something that had been a life line before, feel so empty and wrong now? It should’ve been like going back to normal but instead it felt new and well odd. Things didn’t change, Larissa still reminded her dove to eat, drink and to try not to kill anyone every day, just like she had every day since they took this step together. And sometimes Lesso would listen, but only sometimes. Yet both women could feel the ache the presence of their other half had left. This well and truly sucks.

Eventually, life got back into the swing of things, both women being overloaded with work meant there wasn’t much time to overthink the ache in their chests. But Larissa had noticed a few things, as busy as Wednesday Addams had her, she could never not notice her Doves needs. See Larissa often knew then before Leonora did. It had been weeks since the last bratty smart mouthed comment, weeks since she’d seen Leo let her guard down and slip out of the dean head space. So it would’ve been weeks of headaches and built up emotions that the red head was locking away from the world, herself, and her mommy. And that just wouldn’t do, so naturally the blonde found the needed solution.

Lesso could not sleep. She’d been trying for hours now. The problem? She wanted Larissa. Well mommy, but now wasn’t the time for those thoughts, no matter how much she craved her mommy’s touch or her ability to always know just what to do. Yet for hours all she could do is think and crave and battle this problem. A dull vibration caught her attention, immediately she knew just who caused it.

“Dove, why aren’t you sleeping? It’s much to late for my sweet girl to be up”

Damn it! How did she always know when lesso broke a rule. Immediately a quick smart response was sent on its way, and this continued back and forth.

“I don’t want to. And I’m not sweet”

“But you are my darling girl, and you need to sleep sweetheart, you promised to look after yourself until I can come home to do so”

“I don’t care anymore. You can’t make me”

“Oh but I can Dove, don’t be a brat and listen to mommy”

“Fuck you”

The bubbles popped up and disappeared a few times as the red head was sat worrying her bottom lip waiting for the response that never came, instead the shrill ringing sound filled the room instead. Fuck. Taking a quick breath she hit answer.

“Care to repeat that dove?” She growled out causing the red head ti shake her head negative before remembering that Larissa couldn’t see her. “Leonora, do not make me repeat myself” quickly followed her silence.

“No mommy, I- I didn’t” she stuttered now only realising her mistake of letting her temper flare.

“You didn’t what baby? You didn’t mean to be a brat? You didn’t mean to get my attention in the wrong way because you can’t use your big girl words? Or you didn’t mean to hurt mommy? Which one is it my darling?” By the tone she could tell her mommy wasn’t happy and that made the guilt start to bubble in the lower part of her stomach.

“Last one, I’m sorry” was whimpered into the phone as her eyes glassed over with a sheen of unshed tears. Truly, she didn’t want to hurt her lover’s feelings but the emotions had built insanely high and craved release in the way only she could provide.

“Oh so you aren’t sorry for being a bratty dove? Hmm? That just won’t do now will it?” The sentence itself looking like a question but deep down the redhead knew the implied meaning just by the sheer tone of voice.

“No mommy, I’m sorry I’ll try to be good! Just miss you really bad” Leonora whimpered into the phone, not sure what she wanted other than to go back and be Larissa’s good dove. The tell tell beeps of the phone hanging up was enough to shock Leonora back to reality. She’d really been hung up on…

But she wasn’t alone with her thoughts for long, pictures and messages filled her phone, her mommy show casing everything Leonora could have had. Every picture and every dirty text message detailed how Larissa wanted to play with her slutty toy but was a solid reminder of just what she’d lost.

“Mommy! Please I’m sorry I’ll be good I’m sorry mommy” the redhead begged after attempting to call her girlfriend back only to be ignored, she knew just what Larissa Weems would be doing, her own private quarters had mirrors everywhere, the angles were perfect and lesso knew how heavenly her whines and mewls of pure pleasure sounded like, this wasn’t fair at all.

An hour. 60 whole minutes. That’s how long the torture of begging and being ignored or denied went on. It was safe to say lesso was going insane until Larissa finally answered her call, out of breath with her signature teasing tone that was just for Leonora. “Poor baby, did you need mommy? Poor little whore of mine wanted mommy to let her see hmm?”

Tears started to fall as her need to be corrected, loved and comforted back to one piece again rose to the fore front of her mind. “I’m sorry mommy. Please help me I’m sorry I needed that, I’ll be good now I promise let me be good for you.” With a quick click of the button the phone call became a video call. Larissa being as naked as the day she was born, a beautiful flush covering her pale body due to her previous activity. “Be a doll for me then and get mommy’s favourite toys for you to use on yourself” she instructed as lesso scrambled off the bed to do so, “but crawl pup! Show me what a pretty bitch you can be for me.”

Stings of humiliation was soon covered by pride as Larissa groaned at the sight of the strong put together woman on her knees because Larissa demanded it, she’d made her lover feel good and that never failed to encourage the dean. Perhaps that’s how she ended up with the special dildo that Larissa had gifted her for Christmas magically thrusting in and out of her needy cunt. Her magical ability being used to mark up her pretty thighs at Larissa’s demand. All while Larissa murmured the most filthy words possible to her bratty girl.

“Mommy! Hurts! Please wanna cum” the poor woman squeezed while trying to squirm away from the magical toy. She knew the rules and would do near enough anything to follow them. Having her mommy’s attention now, she most definitely didn’t want to lose that. “Poor baby, is mommy hurting you?” The faux concern drew a whimper from Lesso, “no I can’t be, look at how you’re soaking my thick dick with your slutty juices sweet girl, look at your pretty cunt for me.” On instinct both pairs of eyes focused on Leonora’s sex soaked core.

“Good pup for me aren’t you dove? My good girl? Such a perfect slut for me. Mine. You’re mine Leonora, say it” Larissa almost growled causing the dean to fall into submission. “Yes mommy’s. I’m mommy’s please please please!” By now all she knew was Larissa. This sweet torture finally breaking down her walls, all the heartache, the fear, the sadness and the loneliness was gone and replaced with Larissa. This, them making each other feel good, would always be right. “That’s all my sweet baby needed hm? You needed mommy to break you down huh? My good little pup, let go darling, cum for me my love” was all the permission she needed as her inner walls milked the faux cock for all it was worth and Larissa’s praised flew around her brain, creating the beauty of sub space.

Sub space was one of Leonora’s favourite headspace’s for sure, she was safe,content, loved and well fucked. Normally Larissa would be met with a dopey smirk and soft lingering touches as her girlfriend cling to her body. Not having this safety blanket was what caused the red head to start sobbing as she came back to reality. “Oh my darling girl, what’s wrong Leo? What can I do sweet girl? What can mommy do?” Larissa coed down the phone hoping to somehow help. Truly seeing Leonora so upset was devastating. “Want you” was gasped out as the tears now consumed her body and breathing was a struggle, “please” she whimpered so quietly, sounding absolutely heartbroken. “I know sweet girl, I’ll be back soon my love, you must talk to me darling, don’t keep this all bottled up inside. I miss you terribly too Leo. Much more than I have missed anyone before. I love you my sweet little dove.”

They say time heals all wounds, but this time all time did was provide a simple bandaid, simply holding the hearts together until they could be back in one piece. A temporary solution to a temporary problem. Naturally this situation occurred more than a few times while both women had to be apart, and it soon became more normal but odd at the same time. But every day was that one day closer to being able to hold each other again. To be home.

Word count~ 2376

[prettieinpink]

Hii! I love your account, it's so helpful! I wanted to ask if you have any tips on thanking yourself and like feeling satisfied with your life and yourself, and also slowing down and appreciating things and like taking time for yourself to process your emotions.

honestly this took a lot of time because I had no idea what u were asking anonnie... though, I took my time and I hope my advice and help you in any way! I'm forever grateful for your support <3333

HOW TO FEEL SATISFIED + GRATEFUL IN LIFE

Each time something good or positive happens in your life, credit and thank yourself by documenting it. This could be down in your journal, a video vlog or even you just telling someone else. 

E.g I got 90% on a test because I had the discipline and intelligence to study hard!  This serves as a reminder to your future self of how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are now. 

Set aside a few minutes in the day to reflect on your current week or month. You could meditate, journal, vlog etc, but just truly think about your favourite moments of the week/month and relish in how they made you feel. 

Be open-minded to new things, as they allow for growth. When you approach changes in your life with a good attitude, you feel more fulfilled as you challenge yourself to experience growth. 

Shift your perspective to that everything that happens in your life, is doing you a favour. Lost a good friend? Maybe they were holding you back. Dropped your favourite skincare jar? Probably could irritate. Struggling in a class? Ooo, something that challenges your mental mind!

Acknowledge that everything and anything external or materialistic will not grant you happiness in life. The only true way we can be satisfied or happy is by recognising and talking to our inner selves and making sure they’re nourished. 

Start to build deeper relations with others. Whether it’s your significant other, your family, or your friends, try to connect with them on a deeper level and make an effort to prioritise (not over you tho!) them. Your optimism will increase, and it gives you another reason to be grateful. 

That being said, be cautious with whom you keep close to. There are many people out there, regardless of how close they are, who want to see you fail, drain your energy or just be envious of you. Pluck these people out of your environment, as these people will squeeze all the gratitude and optimism out of you the longer you keep them around. 

Avoid comparing what you have, to what others have. Everyone else is on a different journey, and it’s completely unrealistic to compare yourself to someone else’s life which you haven’t experienced. Instead, cheer them on! When you put out good energy in the word, it comes right back to you! 

[easternmind]

TRIPITAKA - the lost spiritual sequel to Cosmology of Kyoto was found

This post is a compilation of a series of tweets I have composed over a period of weeks during this summer.

For years, it was uncertain whether TRIPITAKA 玄奘三蔵求法の旅, by Soft Edge, had in fact ever been published. I remind the more absent-minded readers that this is the studio responsible for the mythical CD-ROM Cosmology of Kyoto, originally released in Japan in 1993, later published in the United States by Yano Electric in 1995. Knowledge of this their second and final production comes solely from the online CVs of producers Hiroshi Ōnishi and Mori Kōichi. No other information could be found online, and no actual copy of the game was known to exist.

Earlier this year, this disc surfaced at Yahoo Auctions. It sold for nearly $300 after 24 bids.

As suggested by its tile, which translates to Xuanzang Sanzo's Dharma-Seeking Journey, it was always assumed that the game illustrated episodes of the life of the celebrated Chinese Buddhist monk, particularly his 7th century pilgrimage to India. The captures printed on the back not only show a character highly reminiscent of the ancient scholar, they depict a variety of scenes taking place in China and India.

According to the severely incomplete archived version of PD Inc's website, the Japanese publisher responsible for this digipack, it was available for sale at museums hosting the 1999 Silk Road Journey To The West exhibition, which suitably matches the date printed on the back cover. However, this date presents yet another open question, as the Ōnishi-San and Kōichi-San bios both list it as a 1995 production.

The technical specifications may provide an enlightening clue, as they refer to Windows 95, 640x480px resolution and an 8-Bit color mode. This indicates that TRIPITAKA was indeed developed sometime between 1993 and 1995, although it was never published in the CD-ROM game circuit, certainly not in the immediate years after its development was completed. Combined with the data retrieved from the publisher's website, the edition shown here appears to have been produced solely for the occasion, as a means to diversify the museum shop catalog for this major exhibit, given the shared theme.

It would have been nearly impossible, had the program been in fact published in 1995, for a single copy to not have been spotted or mentioned online by the many Japanese collectors who have attempted to locate it for decades, unsuccessfully. On the other hand, a CD-ROM that was sold at a museum exhibit is likely to be purchased by visitors who were entirely unaware of the item's relevance as an elusive multimedia gem.

If a tangent is permitted here, both productions are inextricably linked with the museum space, and as far as I can speculate, Cosmology of Kyoto was, itself, also published with the intention of being made available in gallery stores in addition to computer game retailers. I say this because this was a production made possible by collaborative efforts including a variety of Japanese museums, to the extent these are referenced by name in the game's credits.

Considering the price at which the item was sold at auction, I was fairly certain that it was purchased by one such video game collector who knew exactly what they were bidding for. Later in July, I was able to locate the buyer and establish contact. Initially, the buyer was only able to produce this screenshot of the disc program launcher. The title reads "Cosmology of Asia", validating the claims that Soft Edge was in effect planning for series of edutainment software prior to its demise in the mid-90s.

In my second contact with the owner, I asked if he was available to produce a disc image and share it online for purposes of software preservation. The owner politely declined, stating that this was not something he was willing to do but offered to record the following gameplay video instead.

At a glance, the art style of Tripitaka is unsurprisingly similar to that of Cosmology. Most of its episodes occur during the day, whereas the latter was mostly played under the dark cover of night. The first scene depicts a dying Xuanzang reminiscing on his journeys in the company of a young chronicler. Structurally, both games are also nearly indistinguishable from one another, producing ample historical information for context, including detailed maps and chronologies.

TRIPITAKA was considered to be lost media for decades. As such, the importance of this footage could hardly be overstated. I would not hesitate to compare this development to the unearthing of Osamu Sato's Chu-Teng, the Eastern Mind sequel that was also deemed lost for many years, miraculously found during the time this blog was inactive.

I am delighted to have played a minor role in the unraveling of this thirty year old mystery, and can hardly contain my enthusiasm, as I now find myself equipped with sufficient information to produce a full post concerning a game about which I could not have written more than a sentence, just last year.

I would also like to thank the author of the @mendelpalace Tumblr for his timely alert regarding the Yahoo listing.

[sweetescapeartist]

I'm hyped for this game!

(I was supposed to post this like 2 weeks ago & didn't. Gonna post it now even tho some new information has came out.)

I wanted a game where there are what-if scenarios. But my idea was that it completely altered the story. Idk if Sparking Zero will do that tho. Probably to a lesser extreme than what I thought.

WHAT IF SCENARIOS:

I made this and didn't post it. Then more info came out that kinda confirmed some of what I speculated.

But with scenarios like this??? Goku refuses help from Piccolo so Krillin follows Goku to fight Raditz (Battle of Z did that scenario too). Krillin was gonna go help Goku too even tho he knew he sould likely die. And if Goku refused Piccolo's help, of course Krillin would go help his bro save Gohan.

Krillin fought Freeza in his 1st, 2nd, & final forms. Final Form Freeza was far stronger than Krillin. Goku was closer to Freeza in strength but still weaker. Yet Krillin hung in there against Freeza & even almost killed 2nd form Freeza with a Kienzan. Goku & Krillin could realistically team-up against Raditz & win (with help from Gohan) if they outsmart him along with outmaneuvering him with their synchronized Turtle School style.

I watched Dotodoya's videos & without spoiling too much... I was right, but with extra steps. And the characters were implemented well & the dialogue was interesting.

Then, we have a scenario where Krillin dies fighting against Oozaru Vegeta (he probably saved Goku from getting crushed) which makes Goku turns Super Saiyan during the Saiyan Saga.

Is this a result of Goku not dying against Raditz because Krillin helped defeat Raditz without Goku dying? If so, this means Goku never trained with King Kai, so Goku doesn't know the Kaio-Ken nor the Genki Dama. Krillin dies helping a weaker Goku sho doesn't have King Kai's techniques, then Goku gets more than enough power to defeat Vegeta by turning Super Saiyan. So, some scenarios may actually change the story more than we think.

How would this effect the Freeza Saga? @dragon-ball-meta has a good answer.

My thoughts are that changes in one saga have to be course corrected in the next saga.

Oozaru Vegeta kills Krillin

Goku turns SSJ & defeats Vegeta

SSJ Goku spares Vegeta & mocks him by saying Vegeta lost to a low-class Saiyan (like how SSJ Goku spared then mocked Freeza for being defeated by a Saiyan)

Krillin, Tenshinhan, Chaozu, & Yamcha go train with King Kai (maybe they learn Kaio-Ken & the Genki Dama instead since Goku has SSJ)

Depending on if Piccolo survived the battle against the Saiyans, perhaps he & Gohan accompany Goku to Namek

Vegeta is on Namek too and tries to become a Super Saiyan by trying to be like Goku (and trying to be more like Goku what Vegeta does after the Cell Saga & is why Vegeta became a kinder person)

The Namekian Dragon Balls are used to wish Krillin back to life, Chaotzu back to life, then Namekian Dragon Balls become inert before they can make a 3rd wish (or Piccolo is wished back if he is dead)

Over the battles, Goku gets stronger and learns how to turn SSJ when facing Freeza instead of using Kaio-Ken & Goku believes he killed Freeza

Once back on Earth, the Dragon Balls are used to resurrect Yamcha & Tien along with those killed on the day the Saiyans attacked

Now at the start of the Cell Saga, everything is pretty much reset to how it was supposed to be, but Goku might fight Mecha Freeza & King Cold on Earth as Future Trunks watches then delivers a grave warning

This outcome may even result in Vegeta being a kinder person earlier than in canon & him teaching Trunks his new technique, then we get a Father-Son Final Flash

(The arena is still there, so maybe Vegeta takes Goku's offer to fight Cell first, then Trunks hops in to help Vegeta survive against Cell)

Goku sacrifices himself when Cell is about to self-destruct, thus the Saga ends how it did canonically & then we go into the Buu Saga. Then Goku can learn the Kaio-Ken & Genki Dama from King Kai during the 7 years between the Cell Saga & the Buu Saga

So, if there were major alterations in the Cell Saga, the Buu Saga would restore things back to "normal" depending on the altered scenarios. Or at least those are my thoughts/hopes. This game could have tons of replay value. The type of DB game that I always wanted!

CHARACTER POV:

There is also something about the story following from the pov of 8 characters.

More info came out. You can watch scenes normally or switch to watch them from the POV of the character available for the scene. We see this in a trailer when Goku is using Instant Transmission to move Cell from Earth. We also see this 1st person POV when Piccolo uses a Special Beam Cannon on Raditz & Goku.

I think it will be, Goku, Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, Krillin, Future Trunks, Tien, Yamcha. We already saw some events from Goku's POV during the Saiyan Saga & Cell Saga.

However, there are two POVs I want to see... 👀

I'm joking lol 😅 (kinda 👀). But, I bet we could see everyone get defeated from Krillin's perspective, then when 18 kisses him.

OTHER THINGS I WONDER ABOUT & HOPE FOR:

The story for Super Hero will be fun. That will mainly be a Piccolo POV. I wonder what changes could be made too. Will there be an option to request the help of 17? What will the fight against Cell Max be like? Can you choose who to play as during the battle between Gohan & Piccolo?

And the unlockable costumes? All the different costumes from DB to DBS plus the Super Hero & Daima DLC will be so cool! I wonder if you can mix some costumes up. Like give Krillin his DBS hair while he is in his Buu Saga outfit.

I'm excited for certain team attacks too. The main one being K18's team attack they did during the Tournament of Power. And interesting enough, 18 didn't form this pink energy attack, Krillin did. So maybe he would have to be on her team for there to be this special team attack.

I hope we get other cool team attacks. Like Roshi performing a Kamehameha with his students, a 17 & Krillin team attack, Videl & Gohan, Vegeta DBS & Future Trunks DBS, Goku & Krillin spiral Kamehameha (from DBS EP 76). And I hope we get get special animations for finishers like 18 vs Giant Ribrianne.

So why not add other things from the DBS anime continuity? Most of the character designs & techniques of the characters are from the DBS anime continuity.

One stage is from the DBS anime continuity of Universe 10's Kai planet

Full Power Jiren who is shirtless aint in the manga

Kakunsa's attacks aren't in the manga, I don't recall Max Power Roshi being in the manga

SSBK isn't in the manga

Certain orb attacks that Beerus has is anime exclusive

God of Destruction Toppo is anime exclusive (I'm sure that will get a reveal too)

Bergamo & his team attack with his brothers is anime exclusive

SSJ2 Kefla's attack is anime exclusive

Spirit Sword Future Trunks is anime exclusive

The halo behind Fused Zamasu & the ki bird thing he creates is anime exclusive

Corrupted Fused Zamasu is anime exclusive

Alot of the supers and ultimate come from the DBS anime (like DBS 17's attacks).

The Gamma Burst Flash for SSB Vegeta is from the DBS manga continuity.

The very end of Krillin's Ultimate Attack is the Super Destructo Disk & to me it resembles the big Kienzan he uses against Cell Max. (This move will look so cool on Cell Max!)

I'd like to see an option to give Krillin his attacks from DBS as interchangeable supers; Solar Flare ×100 which would blind the opponent & make it so that they cannot lock on to Krillin for a few seconds even is they turn the camera to see him. An attack where he throws his stinky shoe at his opponent then blasts them with a Kamehameha. And I would really love it if they give Krillin his Non-Self State power as a power-up similar to Kaio-Ken for base Goku (early & mid), Kaio-Ken for Super Saiyan Blue Goku, & Golden Freeza powering up to True Golden Freeza. They could call it "Dormant Potential" or something & it gives Krillin a buff, a different aura, & slightly changes his combat.

This link, but for Sparking Zero instead.

So, there is a chance Krillin could get his power-up from DBS EP 76 as a sort of Kaio-Ken type of techniques. I just hope it happens since I'm a huge Krillin fan 🤞

DBS MANGA CHARACTERS:

It's probably unlikely for DBS manga exclusive characters to make the roster. Unless its a DLC then maybe we could get Moro, Merus, Gas, Granolah. Which would be the first time they make an appearance in a game. We already have Vegeta's Gamma Burst Flash from the manga's Tournament of Power Saga & Future Trunks using Solar Flare like he did in the nanga. So these characters could be on the way if they aren't on the main roster.

I doubt there will be a "True Ultra Instinct" because that is just convoluted & pointless. Probably no susanoo Ultra Instinct Goku either. If it is in the game, maybe its a DLC super move to give Goku a Giant form. Then ppl could do Susanoo Goku vs Oozaru Vegeta.

I feel like Ultra Ego could be possible IF they do a manga DLC or make a poll for characters that players want to have in the game. I personally dislike the design of UE, but that's just me. I dislike the lack of eyebrows that SSJ3 has. I like the design of Ultra Supervillain Vegeta from Xenoverse 2 better than Ultra Ego. Anyway, what would Ultra Ego Vegeta's moveset be? His Ultimate would be a giant Hakai ball, a technique that is similar to super armor where getting his amplifies his strength... Stuff like that I guess. Some melee attacks from the manga as a super too.

GT & DBZ MOVIE CHARACTERS:

Idk if there will be GT & Z Movie characters this time in the base roster. But I feel like GT has to be included at some point. I just believe DBZ through DBS will be the main focus for characters & story. The Main Continuity is DB, DBZ, & DBS (and probably Daima too) while GT is a separate continuity that includes Z Movie characters. But I feel like they have to include SSJ4 Gogeta & Z Broly at some point. They are too iconic to the series and to the Budokai games.

Sorry I put so much of my thoughts all here. If I make other posts, they will remain as drafts for way too long & become pointless.

[axel-skz]

Going ahead doesn't mean you're going to get there first

A/N: I’m trying so hard to write just for fun. Which means don’t stress about it and writing at my own pace. BUT IT IS SO HARD! I feel so bad that people are waiting. Then I give myself the reality check that no ones on the edge of their seat waiting. Then it’s depressing. Then I forget and repeat that cycle. Short term memory loss coming in clutch. I like how these are usually just bits of my life story lmao. ||| I’m away from my ipad atm so I’m gonna give an honorary mention to the 5 star album instead of shuffling a song today. STREAM!!!!

You have been away on a business trip and miss jisung so much. (No, it’s not smut)

(Ok but could he be any cuter?!)

You had a business trip. A freaking 2 month business trip. Your life had been a nightmare. Especially being away from your beloved, Hanji. You were in constant meetings and it was absolutely exhausting. It was the worst timing too because han had just got time off.

You hadn’t told him but you planned to surprise him. He had a week left of being free and you planned to spend the whole time with him. It would be so nice to finally relax and spend the whole time wrapped in blankets and the arms of your favourite human. Comfort personified.

He had this unique ability to make you feel stress free. Which was hard for you because you were always thinking about work or tasks you had. Not with him though, he was smart and it was impossible not to get lost in his eyes.

Oh, and don’t even start with his cheeks. You poked his face once for fun and next thing you knew, you had been there for half an hour, pinching his cheeks.

These thoughts weren’t helping you with the feelings of homesickness but that would all go away soon.

Your jet lag was kicking your ass as you made your way into your apartment complex. You were still so excited to see him though. The excitement gave you the capability to ignore the fact that your nose was blocked but could still smell airplane food the whole time.

You opened your door and looked around to see if he was there. After putting your bags in your room, you looked around to find that he was in fact, not home. You set up everything for a nice surprise but got surprised when he called you.

‘Hey sweet cheeks,’ you said enthusiastically.

‘I feel like my final words might just be me telling you not to call me that,’ he sighed.

‘I can never let go. You know this. It’s too cute a name,’ you said defiantly.

‘We can argue about this when you get back to your apartment and open the door to let me in. I’m tired and I’m cold.’

Your heart stopped, ‘my what who?!’

‘Your apartment? I got the address from your work buddies. I wanted to surprise you but you aren’t home and I waited like half an hour. Now I’m getting stares from people. Some guy gave me money thinking I’m a hobo. I’m never wearing these jeans again.’

You were frozen for so long he started to question if you were still there. You broke out of your semi conscious state and said, ‘ji… I’m not there… I came home to surprise you for the week…’

He froze then laughed, ‘good one! Now come open your door.’

You turned the call to a video call and he could see you in the apartment.

He scowled, ‘I’m exhausted and sleep deprived for no reason?!’

‘I love that we both had the exact same idea…’

‘Yeah, great, we’re both stupid,’ he laughed.

‘Well, a couple that does… stupid crap together, stays together,’ you chuckled.

‘You stay there, I’ll get a flight back. This will take a while so don’t move,’ he winked.

‘I’m not staying in this one spot for the next 5 hours ji,’ you said while squinting.

‘Get yourself a partner who will stay fully still for you for 5 hours cus you said so…’ he dramatically clutched his heart.

‘Do you wanna be single in the next five minutes? Because I can make that happen,’ you deadpanned.

His eyes widened, ‘I love you the most in the world! You are not allowed to leave me! You could never subject me to dying alone!’

‘And you call me dramatic,’ you laughed.

It took him an extra day to come home because flights had been delayed. When he finally got home, he was exhausted. It was good he had experience in flying a lot since he had to as an idol.

You hid when he finally got home because… why not torture someone who is so clearly exhausted and near the point of death.

He came in with the last bit of his energy coming from his excitement to see you. He yelled your name as he looked around and couldn’t find you. He stood still and you were so confused.

Then he sat on the sofa and broke down… he was crying… he sniffled as he got his phone and called you. Your phone rang in the apartment and he jumped.

You then popped out of your hiding spot and scared him a second time.

He jumped again then looked stunned to see you. He stared through teary eyes, ‘if you don’t hug me now for atleast 5 days, I will die.’

You felt so bad and ran over to give him a hug. He fell back onto the sofa and you guys cuddled for the rest of your time home. Just as you wanted. You made it up to him with all the different kinds of chocolates and sweets you brought back.

‘Y/N, you’re pure evil. You and minho hyung would get along great.’

‘One more thing we have in common.’

He looked puzzled, ‘what’s the other thing?’

‘Our love for you.’ This made him give you a big smile.

And for the greater good of everyone, jisung did not die :))

REMEMBER TO LIKE AND REPOST 😈 SEND ANY REQUESTS YOU MAY HAVE

Feel rich and boujee (idk if thats how you spell that and quite frankly, im too lazy to google it) with me.

[junkoxx0o]

Hiya, Story Time About Weight Loss Manifestation

I finally got time to post this on here because I would have to go all the wayyy back, I'm Southeast Asian and in my family's genes there's a rigged gene to get fat (even if we drink water -not for me tho). I think the moment I realized I was really obese was when I moved houses to where I live now and there was a gym near my place so my mum decided to go and calculate the weight Yk and yes there I was at 11 weighing 65kg, mind you I was still 4'8 at that time and that made me look real big. But the thing with me is also my bone structure, my bones were big and it made me look really big but Yk the Asian family type shit, they tell you to eat more when you trynna eat less and if you do eat a lot they shame you for it. Well my mum didn't do it, it was my nana. But at that time I didn't know the real term for manifestation or subliminals (I didn't know shit), what I did was somehow and someway I just thought, "hm.. fake it till you make it", and I just started thinking that I became skinnier everyday and it kinda worked I lost about 5 Kgs I believe but then I stopped that whole process again because hell my mindset was going on and off but the thing is the mindset does not matter. It's your persistence.

And after a few years, I was 15, I found out about shifting and subliminals, that's where I found out that I've been manifesting since forever? The way I manifested since I was 7 (will also do a story time because it was really funny), without even knowing that I had the ability to bend and warp the universe's abilities to assist in my life was insane. And so I started watching subliminals and I discovered books (which I pirated online to read) and then Sammy Ingram came in and she helped a lot.

Back to the weight Loss, I was 15, weighed around 63 (yes I gained again), that was one of the peak moments I discovered I could do anything I wanted with this ability to manifest.

What was my routine?

What was my affirmations?

What was my routine - nothing at all, if I remembered about it, I would pretend I was skinny, dance around and eat snacks like I usually would. But ofc I reduced my snack portions bec it was unhealthy for me (but that did not stop me from getting fried chicken KFC every week)

But I'd think and think and think that I was skinny.

Remember YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE!!!

You are the creator of this reality and you can control and customize it with whatever you want. If you're a video essay nerd like me, you've probably heard of the Egg Theory.

The egg theory is the same, everyone is you and you are everyone. Why? Because you created this reality and your thoughts pushed out is also you. So basically the way people act is on you. (But ofc not the abusive parts bec who would want that upon them but the thing is before something becomes perfect, it's gonna be rocky, and you're gonna be the responsible one to program, fix and reprogram all the actions of others, the environment and yourself. So don't blame yourself and instead start taking action by thinking that they do the thing that YOU want. Those people around you, including me, I DON'T HAVE CONTROL in YOUR reality. However, I have CONTROL in MINE.)

So basically I did not have a routine and I would just do whatever, continue my day (mind you it was in the pandemic era so I legit had nothing to do so I would affirm or watch anime or listen to songs and read books but when I get reminded, I remind my SUBCONSCIOUS MIND that I AM SKINNY)

And looks looks after 2 good years I lost over 20kgs. But I am thinking of putting my weight up just a bit because I'm gonna manifest to be taller as I wanna model or become an actress or be dominating 🥰.

What were my affirmations? -

I actually didn't have a certain set of affirmations, as long as I know I'm skinny that's all it matters.

If you wanna ask anything about experiences let me know 💋 alr that's it bye. ^w^

[lynne-monstr]

i finished the spirealm show this morning. ramblings, both the good and the bad, under the cut. spoilers ahead!

i guess i should preface this by saying that i don't think most of the stuff I hated was bad. i just didn't like it. that's very much a me thing and i'm willing to own it. also i reference episodes in viki-length episodes.

anyway. i absolutely loved loved adored and am obsessed with the first 26 episodes. all the characters are great, the door mysteries are fun, and i really enjoy the glimpses of life outside the doors. yes, it's a video game murder show but for the most part, it's a fun romp.

super fun, super gay. literally every episode gave me something fun to shout about.

around halfway through i started bracing myself for people dying, but when it didn't happen i dropped my guard. and then episode 27 happened and i was not mentally prepared for cute fave li dongyuan to actually die.

to be honest, the reason i binged the last 12 episodes was because after he died, i lost a lot of interest and investment in the show. but i still wanted to know how it ended so instead of dragging it out for several more weeks, which i like to do when I'm enjoying something, i closed it off in under 24 hours.

that being said, i don't think they way it handled li dongyuan's death was bad. i loved that they kept referencing him afterwards. so many shows forget about characters the moment they die and i appreciate that my cute fave's presence continued to be strongly felt.

and then the more lovable side characters that died, the more i emotionally pulled away. I feel bad that my emotional enjoyment tanked so suddenly because I enjoyed the door with all the boxes and bonus that it was packed full of such good shippy stuff. but I mostly watched it on autopilot.

also it was a bit of a letdown that the big bad villain turned out to be so pathetic in the end. though on the other hand, it's exactly what he deserved.

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion but I really loved all the stuff that happened after the 11th door when ling jiushi wakes up from his "coma." i guess because I love the trope of what happens once the hero's journey is over and they get booted back into normal life. there's so much good possibility there, especially with ling jiushi knowing all of his friends but now they're softer versions of themselves who don't know him.

i have a desperate need for post-canon fic where ling jiushi goes on a befriending mission with all the people who had become his family. together they use the power of friendship and combined financial assets to hunt down pieces of the original world that are still present in the new reality. ljs uses these pieces to bring rnz back to life. the whole team gets up to all sorts of shenanigans trying to get him a real identity and make sure no one else can find the clues to bring back the original murder game.

also i want the chen fei backstory of why he switched from veterinary medicine to people medicine in the new universe.

(the entire 50 Years Later epilogue was equal parts ridiculous and depressing and I'm going to pretend like it never happened. it gave me the sad vibe if ling jiushi never managed to connect with any of his old friends or ruan nanzu again. and so he made fake copies of them that he could play pretend with.)

okay this got way longer than expected so I'll end with my absolute favorite scene of the last 12 episodes that will live rent-free in my head forever. and that's the three-way obsidian group hug that happens after the npc reveal. specifically the way chen fei rests his chin on ruan nanzqu's shoulder. excuse me while i die of happiness. they're a team, they're a family!

[firelord-frowny]

lame feels

not meeeeeeeeeee watching chloeXhalle videos and almost crying with jealousyyyy bc its hard for me not to see them as an example of the success that can be achieved by talented people when they have a network of people who actually want to support them in reaching their goals lmaoooo

they, particularly, stir up envy/self pity in me because i feel like i even resemble them physically??? i mean not in a way where someone might say i'm a ~look alike,~ but the general features are of a similar variety??? wide, slanted eyes on an alien-shaped face. same skin tone. well-defined lips, full cheeks, tiny chin.

and they didn't just materialize into fame and recognition by the sheer magnitude of their talent.

everybody who ever gets anywhere doing anything, at some point along the way, had PEOPLE! People who helped. People who freely gave their time and energy. People who took chances. People who gave something valuable that they had to offer, knowing and accepting that they may never get anything in particular in exchange.

i don't care what anyone says - personal hard work and dedication are obviously prerequisites for any kind of journey from nobodiness to success. But if absolutely 0 people that they ever encounter go out of their way to open a door, you aint achieving shit. Even in a case where somebody gets overlooked and turned away again and again and again and again, your eventual success is still only realized when someone FINALLY decides that you're deserving of the resources they have.

And I look at all these successful people that I've admired over the years, and I learn about their pasts, and about how so-and-so took a chance on them, or their whole family moved to a new state or even a new country so they could more easily access the things that will help them achieve their goals, or their moms flew them all around the country for auditions, or arranged for them to be homeschooled so they could focus on honing their crafts and have more time to pursue opportunities, blah blah...

someone important in your life, before you had the wisdom or the power or the funds to do things on your own, made the decision that your aspirations were more important than their convenience. Someone had to think that you were worth investing in. Someone had to believe that by helping you succeed, they succeed, too.

my parents sent me to one single orchestral festival when I was 15 and it cost them $6,000 and they have not let me live it down ever since. they drove me once a week to a violin lesson 35 minutes away and STILL complain about how much gas it took to get there and back. Each and every time they attended any of my performances, they didn't gush over how well I did or how proud they were during our drive home. No - they tallied up how much time they "lost" out of their day because of me. "It took us an hour to get ready, then another hour to drive out here. So that's already two hours. Then the performance started late, so that's an extra twenty minutes. The concert itself was an hour and a half, so now that's about four hours. Then it took you 10 whole minutes to come out from backstage and get ready to get in the car. And now there's traffic on the way home. So that's over five hours we just spent on you today. And you only played for six and a half minutes."

?????????????????? sorry???????????? i'm a Serious Musician studying music seriously. i have auditions. i have performances. I just DO. Why the whole helling fuck are you tallying up the time you've ~had~ to spend on the pursuit of my goals like it's something I DID to you?? Like you'd rather be doing anything else on earth besides nurturing the growth of the child you had on purpose? Like your world would be so much more peaceful if I was a pet rock instead of a gifted human being.

and god, for my whole entire life - truly, my ENTIRE life until this day - they love, love, LOVE to tell me how ~ungrateful~ they think I am.

I'M SORRY???? what the hell else do you want me to do or say??? What was I supposed to do on the way home from an audition or a performance other than smile and hug you and say thank you? I asked for literally nothing. I wasn't a greedy kid. I didn't demand new shoes or beg for video games. I didn't ask to go to parties. I didn't ask for money. I wasn't bratty. And when I was told 'no' regarding the few sorts of things I DID ask for, I didn't throw a fit over it. I didn't even ask to be taken to all these auditions and performances! I didn't throw tantrums when I didn't get my way. I didn't beg for things they couldn't afford. I didn't accuse them of being shitty parents if they didn't provide every itty bitty thing I wanted. I was such a normal kid. With a normal amount of needs that required a normal amount of my parents time and money. i still don't know what the hell kind of ~gratitude~ they're looking for. I ask them and they can't even tell me. the most they'll ever say is "well! you need to help out more!"

"ok, with what?"

"just help out more!"

"WITH? WHAT?"

"You need to contribute!"

CONTRIBUTE TO WHAT??? HELP WITH WHAT??? GIVE ME A FUCKING LIST! DRAW UP AN ITINERARY! A CONTRACT! A DEMAND LETTER! TELL ME A TASK! DESCRIBE A SPECIFIC PHYSICAL ACTION THAT WOULD DEMONSTRATE TO YOU THAT I APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU PROVIDE!!! TELL ME WHAT YOUR CURRENCY IS!!!!

"you're not a giver! you're just a taker!"

ok well you know what i have to give???

The Fuck Up.

i give the fuck up! i give up! i give up! i give up trying to convince you that the success and eventual independence of your kid is its own reward. i give up trying to figure out what it is that i'm not doing that, if i did it, would inspire you to support me without reminding me of all the time and money you've lost just so I could have a chance to get good at something that would someday turn me into a functioning adult who would be able to thank you years later by taking good care of you when you're too old to take care of yourselves.

I don't know what the hell else you wanted from me at 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. I know that now, at 30, I should finally HAVE something that i could give back, but i don't, and the real fucking truth at the root is that that's more YOUR fault than it is mine. Granted, it's my responsibility to fix it now, and it's my job to give myself what I didn't get before, and each and every coming day that I spend doing something other than nurturing my own growth is on me, and if I never ever ever get anything I want in my life, that will be 100% my fault.

But I didn't grow myself up into this person. I didn't behave my own way into feeling so worthless.

you plant a goddamn cherry blossom in eight inches of clay and then water it with gasoline and light it on fire and then scold it for not growing. what a joke.

i'm trying so so so so so so so hard to make myself believe the truth that I AM worth investing in. I AM worth partnering with. But I swear to fucking god - legit, no exaggeration, no hyperbole - if I even think too hard about involving anyone else in the pursuit of my goals in any way, shape, or form, i burst into tears. guilt, anger, grief. blunt-force agony of utter embarrassment.

why would anyone want to start a string quartet with me? why would anyone want to co-author/illustrate children's books with me? why would anyone in any position of authority want to spare a few minutes to discuss a business proposal with me? why would anyone believe that my talent could bring value to their preexisting projects? why would someone even look at me when they could watch paint dry instead?

what a fucking MONUMENT i could have been by now if anyone ever cared enough to set me up for success back when it was their job to do so. god, the CONFIDENCE i could have grown into if, back when it mattered, the influential people in my life treated me like I was worth their time. if anyone had ever expressed joy and pride when I succeeded at anything. if anyone had ever done or said anything to make me feel like they enjoyed watching me be good at something.

But why shower your intellectually and artistically gifted child with encouragement and help put them in a position to keep reaching new heights when instead you can fucking hit them for missing the bus and failing a math test lmao amirite?

i look at somebody successful who has anything in common with me and my heart fucking SHATTERS because they were worthy enough for someone to go above and beyond for, and I wasn't. Somebody was proud to help them succeed. my people were never even glad to help me get by, let alone flourish.

i swear im trying to do it for myself now but it is SO HARD to see through this fog.

[iron-strange12]

“you barely remember your dad, Morgan, you can't use him as an influential male figure in your life for Father's Day.”

That was said to her about a week ago by one of the pretentious girls in her private school and she hasn't stopped thinking about it. Of course, she retaliated, not in violence since her mother taught her better. No, she used words, and those cut deeper than any slap across the cheek.

Still, her feelings were hurt because the girl had been right.

So, here she was. A coffee right in front of her and some of her dad's old blueprints. She remembered bits and pieces of his time together with her, but it was all becoming a blur now that she was getting older. His memory is plastered all over the world and videos of him are online but the important ones, the intimate ones of him without his emotional armor. Those were her favorites and they were all in the home videos FRIDAY had made where no one could see them but her.

“ Fri?” The seventeen-year-old called out, her eyes not leaving the paper with different calculations, “Can you please bring up anything about Dad?”

“Anything in particular?”

“All of his blueprints, I want everything on display,” Morgan has seen every single video and read everything regarding her dad. This was her first time sitting down and fully trying to understand the way his mind worked. She was classified as a genius as well, but despite what people say, she doesn’t see herself as better than her dad. She wishes to be at the same level as him, never more.

She set the paper down when she saw the holograms be brought up and read over each blueprint carefully, marking her favorites and laughing at the small comments he left himself like, “Don't forget to rub it in hammers face” and “Peppers birthday is next week…I think?”

It wasn’t until she got to a particular year of blueprints that caught her attention. 2016 to be exact. She enhanced the blueprint and her confusion grew along with it. “Spiderman..?” She muttered to herself. She marked that one red for important and then moved on to the others and she quickly realized that there were many more blueprints for him. And suddenly, those little funny comments her dad left were filled with other comments as well.

“Don’t forget the dishes, Pete.”

“Already done Mr. Stark”

“I know what you did kid, you’re grounded.”

“You dared me to?!”

“Mr. Stark don’t forget to sign my permission slip, please!”

“On top of my list of things kid, don’t worry.”

Each one had a comment and a response, she felt like she was watching someone’s YouTube channel or Instagram post. It made her feel left out because this “Pete” had her father's attention more than she ever had despite him being her father.

Morgan let a breath out, not liking this envious emotion she was feeling in the pit of her stomach. Instead, she continued her search, ignoring the comments until she reached 2018. Two particular blueprints caught her eye. One was filled with similar comments to the others and the next seemed empty compared to the previous ones. Only a week apart difference.

“I have your stuff in my attic kid along with your aunts, nothing was lost.”

“Wherever you are kid, I hope you’re having fun with your friends.”

“I’m sorry kid.”

“I miss you”

There were more depressing ones that she couldn’t bear to look at the strong man she knows her father as to be lost like this in these little comments. He must have blipped she thought to herself, remembering the stories she heard of the big battle of 2018 and the war of 2023.

She marked the blueprint.

There were others, not informative but she continued with her markings until she got to the last one.

“Time travel,” she gasped softly, her eyes reading quickly every calculation she could set her eyes on. Her dad was the one who invented time travel! Why? How do people now know about this?

She marked it red but when she did her eyes set on the only comment on the blueprint.

“I’m getting you back kid, whatever it takes…”

This comment is what made her body go cold as she connected the dots. This singular comment is what let the envious feeling that had festered in the pit of her stomach get out. He’s the reason I don’t have my dad with me?!

“Miss Morgan,” Friday began, “you seem to be in distress, shall I call for your mother?”

Morgan took a deep breath and shook her head. Her mom had been working nonstop, the last thing she needed was for her to be woken up at three in the morning to calm her jealous daughter.

“It’s fine Friday,” she said, with a sigh before continuing, “What do you know about a guy named Pete?”

Not even a minute later the A.I replied, “There’s nothing in my databases about him.” Morgan pursed her lips in disappointment before getting another idea. “Friday, what do you know about Spider-Man?”

Again, the A.I replied with efficiency, “He is considered a vigilante and the hero of Queens, he’s been known to help the underdog and solve smaller crimes.” Morgan nodded before coming with a decision, “pull up everything on him, I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

Morgan left the A.I with her task as she walked towards the door that led to the attic. She doesn’t know why they had an attic, especially as a family of technology but she doesn’t judge, maybe this is where he hid some things.

She looked around for a bit, laughing at some old photos and old costumes of her childhood. After moving around some more boxes, she found one with the label P. Parker on the side. Lifting the lid, she saw various things that someone her age might call vintage but are really not.

There was a yellow letterman jacket that looked too small to be a jock. Hold up, she thought to herself I can’t judge him just yet. It was confirmed a second later when she pulled out first place ribbons from decathlon competitions that the jacket was in fact not a jock.

She looked through more stuff inside the box, pulling out various Star Wars Lego figurines and other merchandise. A t-shirt with a bad pun and a yearbook. Finally, she can put a face to the strange person that had hogged the memories of her dad.

However, as she flipped through the pages, she couldn’t find anyone named Pete Parker but she assumed it was the kid that kept getting blocked in the most awkward way ever.

She let out an annoyed huff and put everything back in its box aside from the letterman jacket and the yearbook. Walking back down into her forgotten workspace, she saw the new information about a certain Spider-Themed hero, a victorious smile on her face despite not finding any answers in the attic. Once again, technology proves itself to be better, she thought to herself before thinking that her dad would absolutely agree with her thought.

She pulled her phone out and sent a quick message, knowing that they were awake as well. Looking at all the information in front of her she quickly refilled her mug with some new coffee.

It’s going to be a long night she thought to herself as settled in to her seat, her feet that wore fuzzy socks tucked in underneath her and Friday began to read.

——————-

Sneak peek of a new fic I'm writing that I can relate to and I hope you all like it. ❤️

[sanderssideswriting]

Kind of suck that jacksepticeye can make a comicbook base of his egos in the year 2023; but Thomas can’t! It’s been what; almost 3? 4? Years since the last big episode? Thomas can make other videos and other shows, wouldn’t making a comic be easier or less time consuming? It could give the fans a statistical ending.

So I don’t know anything about Jack and his egos. But that is VERY cool he made a comic for it and I hope that continues in some way shape or form.

Thomas making a comic or something might be better. But he’s still not finished part 4 of the finale. I don’t know much about comis other then like, you draw stuff and whatever. But that’d also take a lot of time. Finding artists, having thrm draw it, approve it, reject it, make changes. Like no matter what he foes it will take time.

Which is understandable with everything going on. I just wish there was a little more transparency in it instead of random teasers and updates where he says he’s still writing. Which fine, I get that. But does he have to write it all now?

To pull an example from my own life. I wrote a fic in another fandom. The planning everything took months alone. Then I prewrite like 15 chapters before I posted the first which allowed me to be able to post consistently while staying ahead. And I did gave to take a break in the middle for reasons. In which I told my readers “hey, I’ll be taking a break for the next month or two and will be using some of that time to get ahead again” because I’d not written a chapter in weeks and was getting to the end of my backlog. My “plan” for if I lost motivation for that fic or other fics and I abandon them I’ll make the last chapter telling people what would’ve happened. I hate cliffhangers and it’d be better then nothing.

Thomas has written a significant portion. Why can’t he begin filming and also write the last part? Why can’t he be a little more transparent with what’s going on? Or stop making timelines he doesn’t follow.

I don’t know if a comic would be faster, I don’t make comics. Tbh I don’t really care if it would make the process faster. Thomas’s chosen medium is video formats. Every process to make a “proper” finale will take time. That’s just life.

And I’m fine with waiting, he can take his time. I just wish he was a little more transparent about how everything is coming along. Just like, a little more. Like “hey everyone! Part one is nearly done!” “Hey everyone have a lot more projects so the finale is going on the hack burner.” “Hey! I have a new series coming out that I’m so excited for! I’m on the last part of the finale, it may take some time to finish, but it’ll get done eventually.” And so on. Instead of like “part one will be out by [date]”

[bookworm-2692]

hmm you already answered 1 in your tags. so 19 and 4, perhaps, for the mcyt ask game

thank you for the ask!!! :D

19: Have you picked up any vocabulary from mcyts?

Hmm, that's a tricky one? Like. Probably, because I was twelve when I started watching. But it's hard to know specifically. I have started using -ificate, but that's currently more a conscious effort because it's fun to say rather than normal so far. I do remember back in the day feeling like I was picking up vocab but now I can't remember it. "Hadjah!" is also fun to say. I am honestly more aware of picking up vocab from a specific friend of mine, but like. I've probably picked up mcyt vocab because I've watched so much over the years.

4: Do you play minecraft yourself? If yes, for how long have you been playing it?

Well, I don't regularly play these days, but I have played in the past. My account was created in March 2012... so that means my cubito is twelve years old now. My cubito is half my age. My brother got minecraft in Dec 2011, so me and my sister also shared his account for a few months until my sister and I got our accounts, and back then we played a LOT together. I remember not really understanding much, and trying to plan my house down to the block on grid paper while waiting for my turn to play minecraft. I tried to create two portal rooms in my basement because I didn't understand the nether and the end and didn't know you couldn't just build the end portal in your basement.

Friends at school would also play pocket edition minecraft so I joined in but bemoaned that the functionality was worse than computer minecraft. Bedrock minecraft in my head is still like 2012 pocket edition, even though I know it can't be true. A lot of minecraft in the early years and then from 2014 I probably stopped playing as much, and in 2016 when my Mindcrack interest died (because Mindcrack basically had died, and ZPM was all I was watching until it got abandonned), I also lost interest in playing minecraft too (and my friend had gotten me into danganronpa and then zero escape and then I just had other interests).

And then just before whenever the nether update happened again (2019??) I got nostalgic and opened it again and made a minecraft server with my siblings and friends again and it was great fun but then the server stopped working for people outside my network which was frustrating so then that stopped after only a few months and I didn't play any minecraft again for a few years and then I re-entered mcyt fandom in June 2022 with Double Life and I've watched SO MANY videos since then but not played much minecraft.

I opened a new world one day to open it to LAN so I could play with two friends but then one of them, her java edition looked like bedrock and she couldn't find the multiplayer window, and the other one could open multiplayer but her minecraft couldn't find my LAN world. so we instead played new single player worlds for a few hours, and then a couple of times over the next weeks I opened it and did small amounts, but then I haven't touched it in another year or so.

So like. Yes I've had minecraft for half my life now (which is WILD to realise) but I don't play frequently like at all. I would love to play but with a full time job + sportsball 1 + sportsball 2 i don't actually have much free time, and what I do have i instead spend on reading fic or watching videos or cross-stitching while watching a vod or playing dnd with my friends etc. playing minecraft would eat up so much time and i dont think i could just play like ten minutes at a time. plus i currently dont have a desk. or a mouse. so i'd be playing on a laptop on mousepad. which i've *done* but. Oh wait I did also play some MCCI briefly, but got bored on account of doing badly on account of playing with a trackpad and thus having terrible movement. and also being bad at pvp.

so i guess the short answers to those questions are "no" and "for twelve years" which are incongruous answers without the long explanation. and i'm now noticing just how long, so i shall be nice and add paragraphs for you.

[idsb]

I once thought my life was a movie in the worst way. I once had main character syndrome in the most toxic iterations you could imagine it manifesting in. I watched things burn and burn and burn and I figured they would always work out because they always did, and I was me, and they had to. things happened so wildly no writer could've been genius enough to script them. each day was a new adventure. a lot of you watched it unfold. the one where she goes to Australia, the one where she fucks a guy on her friends couch, the one where somehow the fallout of this is funny, the one where she's drinking wine into her webcam and cursing them all for being mad at her and somehow it makes sense to you, the reader. the one where she drives to Florida for a hookup and winds up being paid by a prostitution ring leader laundering money on the run from the FBI (yes, this happened). The one where her roommates kick her out and it actually somehow works out for the best. the one where the toxic friend she was pretty toxic to as well got what. was coming.

the world put character armor around me, and I was its beloved Arya Stark. It stayed this way even through the worst of the pandemic. Somehow in the darkest hour of my life I found love. Somehow, in the darkest hour of my life, the gentlest soul I knew and the only guitarist I worked with who had been too decent a human being to want anything to do with me added his notch into my bedpost, too. And somehow, the girl who's broken heart had half the pieces still splintered across the Pacific Ocean, and the boy who's heart was shattered to pieces over the most insufferable woman alive, who made me borderline hate him as a result, found each other as the world crashed and burned. and we held onto each other as tight as we could as the ashes and rubble poured down around us. It was beautiful.

and then. and then, and then, and then.

this is the part that the people who followed me here don't know. this is when I stopped posting about my life. because we had started having feelings for each other. equally, simultaneously. like snow on the beach. flying in a dream. because the emotional flood gates opened a hundred deep conversations later and it was said, "I can't keep falling for you if I have to worry I'm a character for Taylor Swift fans on Tumblr to root for or turn against". and I said that made sense and it was fair.

so I held all this in. I held it all in and ultimately I think it is destroying my relationship now because it is still there bubbling under everything. because I never processed it. because I have video diaries where I watch it all fall apart. because I have a 4 hour video diary livestream of this going down that I get to sit sick to my stomach with every single time my brain wanders too far because I was in the middle of recording a video diary when it all started and the night became too dramatic as it all unfolded to hit pause, and now I have nothing but the spot where acid rain washed away the story I was the main character of, where it was always building towards something and I always got to win. where it all crumbled and died.

our quarantine pod consisted of 5 people. myself, and a boy I'd semi-illicitly been hooking up with, one tie to my old friend group - the one filled with people I'd backstabbed and hated who kind of backstabbed and probably hated me right back; E, and her 2 best friends, B (f) and N (m).

On my webcam, at home, I am smiling like a giddy schoolgirl. The world is ending and I've just been kicked out of my dream apartment and lost my then-closest friends. But instead of caring I'm nervously wondering if I said too much. Sending a text and throwing my phone across the room and covering my eyes. Reading a text aloud from him that says we're on the same page. A serendipitous bliss so deeply shielded from everything else in the lonely basement I'd moved into. Watching that same page progress into more and more real feelings as the weeks and the pandemic ran on. Burning sweet nothings I hadn't heard the likes of in my whole life into the back of my mind. Thinking I should pinch myself every waking second because how could it all seem so pure and so real when everything in the world was supposed to be so lifeless and black? I started recording video diaries so I could see in past relationships when I was being gaslighted. And I do have that. But mostly I have a fossil of the most hopeful naiveté I will ever have. This is my restaurant.

Everyone saw the chemistry between us. everyone saw the way we leaned on each other. everyone saw the sly looks we gave whenever someone made any kind of sexually suggestive joke. no one knew that I drove back and forth from Massachusetts to New York every other night to see him. No one knew I turned around and snuck into his basement after every hike we all went on together when they all got in their cars. But they knew. They knew.

And then one day, he ran into the ex I mentioned. He said he wasn't phased by this. He went through a literal New Moon Bella 4 month montage over this girl. He was me for Australia over this girl. He was phased. And then, suddenly, a talk about our feelings we were supposed to meet up and have was "accidentally" forgotten about and never brought back up.

And then it started out with a joke. We climbed a mountain one day in June. And B said, "now I have to mount ____ next". and most of us laughed. He laughed. Our other 2 friends laughed. She didn't laugh. I didn't laugh. Convincingly. And then she said it the next day. On the next hike. and the next one. and the next one. I had a panic attack and was dry heaving in our mutual friend E's house because I couldn't even drive anymore because I had so much anxiety from it. Because she was trying to fake the chemistry he and I had, like gently waking someone up by smacking them in the head with a crowbar. It was embarrassing. I later learned everyone talked about it behind her back and agreed it was embarrassing. But I never won anything and I was so deeply fucked up from so much else. I knew it'd bite me eventually. I just had to swim in the trauma induced, self-fulfilling prophecy of paranoia and non-existent self esteem until it did.

And then, on the evening of June 21, 2020, she sent a text in our group chat. "Did you guys know that self timer elevates nudes to the next level?" This was when I was in the middle of recording a video journal. Suddenly the giggles were wondering why he wasn't gripping my hand as tightly anymore. Snippets of written songs I'd soon stop writing about how everyone always leaves when they see enough of me. Blaming myself for saying too much or being too vulnerable when no one could actually ever love me. I specifically said, "if this bitch tries something and puts the final nail in this coffin I am going to backflip out this window, walk my ass back to New York, fling myself into the Hudson River, and die."

Well. She sent the self timer nudes. Right into the fucking group chat. Without anybody acknowledging her or asking for them. The entire concept of subtlety died that night.

I threw my dignity into the fucking dumpster right along with it and sent my own nudes in the group chat to remind him I still existed. I spent an hour painstakingly taking them to tear her self esteem to fucking shreds. my hands were shaking each time I clicked the shutter. I watched N awkwardly try and diffuse the obvious tension by making everyone vote for who took the better picture. He voted for me. I watched him invite her over anyway. in the group chat. I watched her say she was on her way. In the group chat. I told myself they were joking. I spent 2 hours, on video, because like I said I'd left it rolling, telling myself they were joking, believing it less and less as the minutes tick by. I've played it back twice in full since and, watching my state of mind and confidence deteriorate is the hardest thing to watch in the entire fucking world. Brilliance beyond scriptable in a different way that the glory I was used to. The way I have it on camera is a brutal, cinematic masterpiece.

As I spiraled I called the mutual friend in the pod, E. Told her everything. Completely info-dumped on her. It, in the end, ruined our friendship due to the cornucopia of bullshit that stemmed from this. Was hyperventilating on the phone to her for hours still. Until I got a text: "yes, B and I had sex. It was fun. But it wasn't..... I did it because I'm single and I wanted to see what it was like. But it wasn't the same as with you" and then going on and on to say that there weren't feelings there.

Saying you're single but then admitting it's not the same because there aren't feelings. What a filthy, August-coded, literally everything wrong with this day and age-esque thing to say. The authority to cheat on me without having the moral implications of it, really.

I got off the phone with her and I yelled at him and I yelled at the webcam and I sobbed and sobbed for hours more. He got it but I don't know if he really did. Then we went on a roadtrip to spend the rest of lockdown living out of a van with our 2 other best friends or whatever the hell, and the tensions from it and what it did to E's perception of him tore apart that friendship for both of us, and I made myself sick to my fucking stomach every waking moment he was near another girl and sort of made it E's problem but that's sort of.... what friends are for, right? I eventually kept hooking up with him because, well. Because of the same problem I had for all of 2019 and 2020, really. I liked sex and had no self esteem. And as the roadtrip went on I grew to love him.

I was writing a song about how free it felt to hold his hand driving down Santa Monica Boulevard the day before with the sun roof down eating ice cream, crafting a chorus in my head (the hook was "you're a pastel Santa Monica sky and I'm / wildfires flaring in your eyes, whatever it takes to feel alive / just here on the freeway you and I"). It's what was playing in my head when he pulled over in Big Sur. When he told me it all needed to stop because it was too much. Time stopped. I stood on the cliffs looking at the turquoise waters felt all the hope fading from me like it did from the grey clouds lingering over the sky. The salt air whipped by my face and I got the taste of tears even though I was too sad for them to even fall. He was mean as hell to me for 3 days. I cried for those 3 days. Eventually apologized and said he was subconsciously doing it to achieve distance. Then we started having sex again. We had lots of deep conversations rationalizing it all. It all made sense. He wasn't over his ex and couldn't handle this and didn't want to hurt me. But I still cried every day the rest of the trip.

When we were home the first weekend, I felt like his girlfriend. I slept curled up against him while he played video games. We made cookies. The next we didn't even kiss. I have a hundred drafted notes app docs telling him off. Trying to keep track of what was real and what wasn't so I could convince myself the 'on' of it all was my imagination over-doing it, or maybe the bad was. I never became convinced of either. Just more angry and more confused. We went on a trip to Maine and I told him I loved him and we needed to just be together. that I couldn't take it anymore. He said no. This was the first I learned he was openly sleeping with other people the whole time. I absolutely fucking lost it. I thought we were dating all but in name and it was some formalities and my anxiety. Imagine being told to your face you're being cheated on but you're technically not so you have to just say okay. I didn't. I cried for 4 fucking hours - ugly crying, right up in his face, and then was told I overreacted and believed it because I was in love and had low self esteem. He asked if I wanted to know the details. I said no and I wish I hadn't, because maybe I'd have ever felt some more resolve if I did. maybe I knew I'd have gotten SO angry I would've left, and I didn't want to have to. And then instead of having the guts to end it, I, sad and low-self esteem and in love and liking sex, tried to say forget I said anything. He had to be the one to call it off.

We got home and kept in contact and first he then tried to hook up again and I had to say no. then he ghosted me for 2 weeks because this ex hit him up. then, finally, once he got over that, I took him on a trip to stargaze to make up for what happened in Maine. And that's when he said he was ready. And he's been nearly perfect in every single way since that moment.

So, anyway. I'm angry. It's been 2 and a half years and we've spent at least 15 hours of our lives talking about it and are very much in love and yet I'm still viscerally angry if my brain touches any of it with a 10 foot pole. I feel embarrassed to be in a relationship that I'm only in because I had a complete lack of dignity even though so much about that relationship now eclipses all of that a hundred thousand suns over - or it should. I feel robbed of a fairytale ending but I still have a fairytale person. So why do I still feel resentment over this? How do I make it go the ever-loving FUCK away? I'm over it. I want to be over it. I don't want this acid raincloud over me anymore. I want back the perfect story it washed away. It was so much rage and angst and turmoil leading up to the sweetest ending at the middle of the worst of the pandemic and instead it ended in the most anticlimactic melodramatic alternate ending it possibly could've. it should feel like I rode off into the sunset with The One. Because, in the end, that's what I did. So why are we trudging along near a swamp one mile from town? Someone change my fucking perspective like the way only the people on this hellsite can because I'm fucking tired of harboring all of this and I'm tired of wondering if I'm subconsciously causing problems in our relationship because I'm stuck on all of this. I just wanted the happy ending with fireworks and the author just forgot about me and stopped writing. This is all so three dimensional and we're all 3 dimensional people but it's stained across my deeply 2 dimensional world that never got to be resolved like it was supposed to first.

[inventors-fair]

Just After Midnight: Rewind Runners-Up ~

Our runners-up for this week are @corporalotherbear, @curiooftheheart and @stupidstupidratcreatures!

@corporalotherbear — The First Turnabout

I don't think you fully understand how fortunate you are that I've recently watched a playthrough of Phoenix Wright's Adventures in Lawyerdom. As someone who famously(ish) does not play many video games despite thinking they're pretty neato, this card hit a chord. Again, in any other kind of week or time of life, I would have no idea what this card was supposed to represent, but here we are instead: Larry's girlfriend gets murdered, a suspect is detained, and then each clue that you crack makes your lawyer-ing more powerful.

I'm just going to assume that that's how it's supposed to be interpreted, but regardless—that's something that I know makes these contests hard: just how much one would or would not know about the IP in question. Maybe it's fortune. Maybe it's just how well-known the property is. God knows that even for the Doctor Who stuff I was absolutely lost despite being a Tennant fanboy for a good amount of time. I still have my opinions about Universes Beyond and whatever, but how can I look at a card like this, feel the pinging sense of pleased recognition, and not give it some kind of commendable back-pat?

@curiooftheheart — Letar, Honeyhunter

J'accuse, a situation! Honey badger don't give a Hornet's Sting about what it takes to get that sweet sweet card advantage. Looking at the current partners, I think that this lil' thing can really go with anyone. That Phyrexian golem-guy is pretty neat, although not...perfect? I don't know, but the design is still fun. It encourages attacking, it encourages graveyard shenanigans, and that's the gist. Partners shouldn't feel overpowered, nor should they be combolicious. The sweet spot of having a cute honey-snuffling creature that results in fun limited (slash constructed?) design is fun for sure.

We run into the small bugbear that, out of the two partners designed for this big rewind contest, this one feels a little less specific of the two, or at least I'm not thinking about the nuances as much. Is that really more of a 'me' thing? Probably. This card's really fun, certainly, and as far as commander designs go this shows a significant amount of restraint. Rare partners have the unfortunate position of being pushed by nature. With Letar, hunting honey isn't half as crazy as it could be. I respect that; I don't think it needs anything changed, except maybe a "the" before Honeyhunter.

@stupidstupidratcreatures — Starveling Nest

I want flavor text here just for the heck of it—and actually, question, do you play Arena? This is mostly rhetorical because it's commentary and you can't respond in real-time but all the same. The name and the description have this quality where it feels like the flavor text could be hovering to the side. We're in the paper realm here, but the power with which you've made this sacrificing ability is neat-o all the same. I can feel the squirming, squeaking mass of emaciated rats that have no cuddly counterparts. Just all hunger, all bones and flesh, not even meat, writing blindly in search of food.

Bitterblossom effects are, as we know, still absolutely stellar no matter how or where you play them. The fact that this one gives you bodies with card advantage blows my mind. I actually don't know if this card is too powerful but I'd have to see a limited game with it first to be sure, and I'm going to go on the side that this is just barely too powerful even for contemporary MTG standards. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe I'm also considering that a difficult-to-remove effect like this makes everything a bit unbalanced. Digging through your deck is always good, and at the cost of instant-speed Rats that come back, well, you already know. But I truly love it, and I love the imagination that went into this trigger idea.

Commentary to come! Thank you all for your entries. @abelzumi