#because hes just so sad and lonely and god

[dixons-sunshine]

Girl Of My Dreams | Van x Fem!Reader

Summary: After being away at college for a few months, you come home to find your boyfriend more than happy to see you. However, something triggers a string of insecure thoughts, and it’s up to Van to ensure you that you are the girl of his dreams.

Genre: Slightly angsty, but mainly fluff.

Warnings: Swearing, allusions to cheating (there isn’t any because Van would never.), insecurities.

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: Requested by @cordelhya. This is my very first time writing for Van, so I hope I did an okay job. I hope y’all like this!

A small shriek left your mouth at the sudden, unexpected contact from behind. You were lifted off your feet and spun around, that familiar melodic laugh filling the air, making you giggle as well. When you were finally lowered back down to the stableness of the earth, you turned around and locked eyes with those stunning, cerulean-coloured eyes of your boyfriend of almost two years, a breathtaking smile on his face.

Before you could say anything, he leaned down and captured your lips with his in a sweet, tender kiss, his large hands coming up to frame your face. You instantly reciprocated, looping your arms around his neck and kissing him softly. You nearly melted in his embrace, his familiar scent, his familiar touch, just him in general reminding you just how much you had missed him. How all those months away at college had proven that distance indeed makes the heart grow fonder.

You were the first to pull away. When you did, you smiled up at the blonde-haired man, admiring him up close for the first time in—what felt like—forever. God, how you had missed him.

“Van,” you said his name softly, one of your hands sliding up his neck to cup his cheeks.

Van smiled down at you as he instinctively leaned into your touch, his ocean-like eyes glimmering in the late morning sun. “Hey, Babe,” he greeted you in a voice just as soft, his hands moving down to settle on your hips. “Welcome back.”

You chuckled lightly at his words. “Thanks. It’s great to be back. I missed this place.” A beat of silence, before you continued. “I missed you.”

Van smiled softly at that. “I missed you, too. So much.”

Despite not really wanting to, Van stepped out of your embrace and instead extended his hand towards you, a silent offer for you to take it. When you did, he gently tugged you, making you fall into step beside him as the two of you began walking along the waterbed. The casualness of the small gesture made it feel like too much time and no time at all had passed.

“This place sucks without you, y’know,” Van commented, nudging your shoulder with his. “There’s only so much the rest of these lowlifes can do to keep me entertained when you’re not around. It gets lonely.”

Despite the joking tone he used, you knew that there was an underlying sadness to his words. It was no secret to you that Van longed to be able to do what you had done; go off to college, meet new people, make friends his age, and all the other things that came with being an independent young adult. But he could not. Or rather, he was not allowed to. His father needed him, and Van felt obligated to stay.

You called Van every night. He would reminisce about joining you at college, and even talked about enrolling to go with you next Fall. However, whether or not that would become a reality, you did not know.

You cleared your throat, hoping to make your tone as light and joking as your boyfriend’s. “I mean, I’m not surprised. I am pretty awesome.”

Van laughed and nodded. “Yeah, and not at all humble, it seems.”

“Why be humble when I know I’m amazing?” you joked, your heart thumping against your chest as you saw the beautiful smile you put on Van’s face. “It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he retorted playfully.

“Yeah, and yet you love me.”

“Eh, temporary fit of insanity. Some counseling and I’ll be fine.”

You giggled and shook your head. “Now who’s the ridiculous one?”

Van hummed, pretending to think about it, before smirking. “Still you.”

He laughed when you lightly shoved his shoulder, moving closer to press a quick kiss to your temple, before helping you up the step and onto the wooden platform. He led you to the few lawn chairs right on the edge of the dock, before settling down onto one of them and watching as you did the same.

“So, give me the rundown,” he began, lounging back in the chair. “How’s college.”

You shrugged. “It’s fine. Nothing to really complain about, other than the fact that I’m getting sick and tired of having to hear the people in the dorm next to mine going at it like fucking rabbits.”

“I think you mean “fucking like rabbits”,” he corrected you jokingly.

You chuckled and nodded. “Same thing.” You followed Van’s lead and settled against the chair, allowing the hot summer sun to bake down on you as you enjoyed the company of your boyfriend after so long of not seeing him. “What about you? How—”

“Van! Hey!”

The sound of a woman’s voice cut you off. Looking up, you saw a brunette, wearing a tight crop top and shorts so short that it left almost nothing to the imagination, approaching you and Van. Or, more so, just Van.

Van sent the woman a friendly smile, looking up at her through squinted eyes against the sun’s rays. “Allie, hi.”

“Hi,” she greeted him, a girlish giggle tumbling out of her plush, red lips. “Sorry to bother you when you’re hanging out with your friend, but I just wanted to ask—”

The woman’s voice slowly faded from your ears. A frown tugged at your eyebrows, and you focused on the wood of the chair instead of the woman and Van. Unwillingly, nasty, unwanted, miserable thoughts plagued your mind, and you had to resist the urge to just jump up and leave.

There was no denying that the woman Van was talking to was downright gorgeous. There was definitely also no denying that Van looked like he had been sculpted by Greek gods. Back in high school, all the girls had wanted him. You had been one of those girls not so long ago.

You never fully understood why Van had chosen you, but you chose to ignore that voice at the back of your head telling you that you did not deserve hm. However, as you watched Van interact with the woman, all those insecurities came flooding back.

You had been away at college for months. You had not come back home for Spring break, meaning that the last time Van had seen you was around Christmas. He went half a year without being able to see you. Half a year… That was an awfully long time, and anything could have happened in that time. Anything...

“Babe? Are you okay?”

The sound of Van’s voice snapped you from your agonizingly cruel thoughts. You snapped your head up and locked eyes with your boyfriend, and your heart almost melted at the concerned look on his face.

You swallowed at the lump in your throat and nodded slowly. “Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Where’d you go?” he inquired, motioning over to his own head to show you that he was talking about where you had gone mentally.

You shook your head. “Nowhere great,” you admitted softly, your eyebrows furrowing together once more. You did not really want to voice your insecurities to Van, but you knew that communication was important, so it was better to get this out of the way than let it consume you from the inside out. “Just thinking…”

“’Bout what?” he asked, leaning forward to see you better.

“Just…” you trailed off, taking a deep breath before continuing. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, and I’ve heard from some of my friends that their long distance relationships didn’t work out because of, well, lying and—”

“Cheatin’?” Van finished for you, a look of understanding crossing his features. He sat up properly, swung his legs over the side of the chair, and leaned forward to take your hand in his. He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles soothingly, a look of sincerity on his face.

“First of all, don’t feel bad for bringing this up, okay?” When you nodded, he continued. “Okay. I understand where you’re comin’ from, and I don’t blame you for being scared about this. I know we haven’t been together in person for a while, but that did not change the fact that I love you, and only you. No other girl exists to me like that. I promise. When I’m lonely and I miss you, you know what I do?”

“What?” you asked softly.

Van reached into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open, before showing you the small picture in it; a picture of the two of you together, in a photo booth, smiling brightly at the camera. The picture had a few crinkles in it, showing that it had been handled multiple times.

“I look at this picture,” he replied, a small smile on his face. “I look at this picture, and I remind myself that the wait is worth it. That I’m gonna see you soon and that everythin’ will be better.” He closed his wallet and slipped it back into his pocket, before looking back at you again. “I don’t think you realize just how much I love you, Sweetheart. Why would I want to lose you, the girl of my dreams, because of some meaningless fling? Not only is that fuckin’ stupid, it’s goddamn mental. I mean, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? I wanna know what they feed you at that school because you look good enough to eat.”

You giggled lightly at his words. “Yeah?”

“Hell yeah,” he agreed without a second thought. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve got every guy at that school wantin’ you. But for now, and as long as you will have me, you’ll be my girl, and I will be your guy. Nobody else matters. Okay?”

You nodded, a soft, genuine smile on your face. “Okay,” you whispered. “I love you, Van.”

“Love you too, Sweetheart.” A few moments of silence passed, before Van tugged you up from your chair.

“Where are we going?” you asked in confusion, but allowed him to lead you away.

Van sent you a look you knew all too well, a look that had a shiver rolling up your spine. “You were right, though. You have been away for a while. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to properly take care of you, and I’m plannin’ on correctin’ that.”

You laughed and shook your head. “Then take me home, Van.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

[kendyroy]

i’ve always wondered what worst logan thinks of main logan. is he jealous at all of how revered he was? i mean what do you even think of the guy that’s considered the “best version” of you when you’re seen as the worst.

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[tillman]

Learned today everything I thought I was reading way too into the assassins guild is all literally real and fully canon and fully intentional and so much more fucked than I ever thought has me still reeling. Im still so insane over this.

[lale-txt]

chief of the autopsy department Y/N and god of the death Matsukawa send tweet

[thebleedingeffect]

.

[bathedinrain]

i can't stop thinking about this scene and how hesitant barbara looked as she was telling the cameras about their tradition. i'm not sure if it was an acting choice or if sheryl kept getting her lines wrong so she wanted it to be perfect but every word barbara says here just seems so calculated. as if she was carefully placing words as she spoke. she looked so uncomfortable. even her saying "you know, in between school madness and family chaos," it came off more as reasoning that she finds spending time with melissa like this, their little tradition, as a "slice of heaven." as if she can't just say she likes spending time with melissa or if she admits that's the only reason it exposes her a little too much. and melissa is standing next to her beaming while barbara looks like she's about to have a breakdown and i love it.

[m1d-45]

you understand me. you get it. creator might be having a fuckshit time but at least you can be a creature! but i’m also imagining… imagine just hanging out with your favorite characters as some kind of little animal bc sure they’d kill you if they knew you were the person they’re hunting down but pets and scritches are so nice…… worth risking your life for? yes. god yes. absolutely.

is this days late? yeag. i’ve been busy doing Things and god there are so many things to be done - teddy anon

i thought your last ask abt this was like two-three days ago but…. no…. i posted it ystderay…. huh-?

anyway you’re still so right. be a snowfox and hang out a albedo in his lab. shift into a cat and stick around the angels share. diluc let’s you stay. be a bird and fuck w the wanderer. just stay away from the narukami shrine.

like i…. if it was some sort of defense mechanism or like something you fell back on when injured…. razor following the sound of whimpering to you, an injured wolf pup, your form small in your weakened state. you can’t convince me zhongli wouldn’t help a bird with a hurt leg. beidou checks w the crew before saying yeah, kazuha can bring his friend of a stray onboard, since cats always land on their feet don’t they?

oh, and good luck on your Things!

[floralovebot]

it's never going to happen but i would love it if dc expanded on what garth's life was like before arthur found him. like yes he was a feral child living alone and he was scared of everything but what was he doing? what was his life like? did he ever run into other people? did he hide from them? i assume he just ate plants honestly but even then what did he eat and how often did he eat? did he ever have to fight? yesyes atlan helped him but how far did that go!! what did garth do!!

[muutosarchive]

when i write my priest man, it takes 10 years off my life because of how beautifully tragic he is.

[sammygender]

some of my most random fucking original characters from half-baked story ideas i have yet to fully develop are the most tragic ones to ever exist. like yeah the people from my current work are pretty fucked up but they don’t inspire as much pain in me as when i think about citydale characters. min truly and genuinely makes me want to cry

[dirt-str1der]

Literally transfem characters are five from umprella academy and majima from yakuza and tricky from madness combat

[naamahdarling]

I am not to my knowledge autistic, but I'm ADHD and a lot of me is in the middle of the Venn diagram. I remember sorting toys or objects into various orders and arrangements, classifying and reclassifying them, trying to find the best way to do things so that one item flowed logically into the next. I would do this for hours with just about anything, including a jar full of spare change. Buttons were AMAZING! I remember often taking an interesting object from one of my dad's glass-front bookshelves and handling it for long periods just enjoying the colors and textures and taking in everything about it, imagining scenarios about or within it (a carved ivory puzzle ball was a favorite, and a small carved landscape in a glass case), making up how it might be magical and what its properties might be. I would much prefer doing this than playing with others, and generally occupied myself on the playground by looking for lucky clovers or making flower chains or finding interesting bits of gravel or glass scattered about the ground because that was all that was available for me to play with that the other children wouldn't try to take or teachers wouldn't try to force me to use with other children.

This is a very neurodivergent kind of play. I very much share this with autistic folks. I can say, from within, iot is just as active and just as imaginative and just as appropriate as "normal" play. And it really pisses me off that these parents and "professionals" pathologize this mode of play as less advanced or whatever. Sorry not sorry but they could not even BEGIN to understand the nuances of bottle caps. They find bread clips boring!!!

Here's how this sort of thing always comes across to me, filtered through the lens of what I like.

"So the other kids can play house, a simple mimicry of the stuff they see everyday, or play dollies, reenacting things they have seen a hundred times. Yeah, they make up stories, but they insist on physically acting them out and vocalizing continually, and they often need help from peers to fully achieve an appropriate level of imagination. They can't keep it self-contained. That's really not very introspective, and it isn't developmentally normal to be so far behind their neurodivergent peers, many of whom are able to do these things without assistance. What can we really say about these neurotypical kids who haven't developed an intimate relationship with a plain wooden sphere or figured out how their little bowl of rocks relate to each other or discovered the optimal arrangement of their Lego bricks? If they can't spend even half an afternoon making domino art, how emotionally and imaginatively advanced are they, really? How involved with the world can they really be? Maybe we should punish them for not being able to sit still and stare at a glass fishing weight for two hours, or sort a bag of mixed beads without fidgeting and kicking their feet. Surely that would not harm them in any way, make them sick, give them trauma, or torture them."

See how fucking senseless that sounds?

I am not autistic but man do I have all y'all's backs, and all the kids' backs, on this because I fucking FELT IT. Every damn day. PLEASE just let me make a gradient from leaves and stop making me run around pointlessly after a ball with unpleasant topography.

[floral-hex]

real sad boy hours

[bcneheaded]

@ncmad said: ‘👀’

(send me ‘👀’ for something my muse has said about yours to someone else / when they’re not around.)

💬🥀— "Unintentionally a handful, that one..." He mutters to a little Whisper floating about. Mindless things, for the most part... but they used to be sentient.. Small casper-like entities that putter about the shop often enough to consider them residents. He finds himself more often than not muttering to them. They make the softest little noises in response sometimes... it's endearing. "... oh, how I loathe to think of the day she should leave this place forevermore..." Time and place, that is. The demon's yellow eyes flicker over to the little creature as it lets out an unintelligible little coo, and he chuckles softly, leaning on his elbows atop the old wooden countertop. "Indeed, little one... It is odd, isn't it? To fear... to be totally helpless once more to forces beyond one's grasp and knowledge... Here I'd believed I'd escaped such things... and yet, I'd all but scooped her up and carried her home like an alley cat, unknowing of her plight..." Artemis falls silent, glancing back at the bauble between his gloved fingers, lazily rolling it between a finger and thumb. There was no one else in the shop, at present, aside from the whispers and he, of course. "...more is the fool me, no?"

[secondbeatsongs]

as a bi person, the bisexual flag brings me infinite joy and always puts a smile on my face, however as a person who has a Passion for Graphic Design, that undersaturated shade of purple infuriates me when it's used digitally

like, on an actual flag - which was its original purpose - it looks great!

those look fine! lovely, even! with the semi-transparent fabric, the way it catches the sunlight, it looks beautiful!

but now look at how it looks digitally

the pink and blue are so vibrant compared to the sad, lonely lavender!

and let's look at this statement from Michael Page, the creator of the bi flag:

(sidenote: he created this flag in 1998, so if his takes on bisexuality is different from yours, it's okay to notice that! a lot has changed since the 90s when it comes to lived experiences and the way we describe them. but, it's also important to respect his thoughts about this and the way he presented them, even if today, we'd probably not say that bi people "blend unnoticeably into both the gay/lesbian and straight communities.")

so in pantone colors, the pink is 226 C, the blue is 286 C, and the purple of the flag is 258 C.

but...here's the deal

Michael talks here about how the key to understanding the symbolism is to know that the purple blends into both the pink and blue. and on a physical flag, I think you can see that!

but digitally, it absolutely does not blend. it clashes badly, and looks oddly separate from the other two colors.

which got me wondering...what purple do you get if you actually blend 226 C and 286 C?

oh! oh, my god.

look at that! look at how nicely it fits between those colors!

look at it next to the original color scheme! look at how much more vibrant the purple is!

and friends. this is just blending through rgb! you get even more purple variations when you use other color spaces!

let's compare all of them:

(top: original, lab. middle: lrgb, lch. bottom: rgb, hsl)

look at all of the different purple options you can get just by combining these two colors!

if you want almost too-vibrant saturation, you can go hsl, if you want something more relaxed that's closer to the original, you can go lab or lrgb. and if you want to split the difference, lch is bright and violet, while rgb is there with its saturated but darker purple.

anyway, I guess I don't really have a point here? this isn't so much an informational post as it is Me Getting Weird About Colors, but I think it is a useful lesson about how colors look very different on screens compared to how they look on objects in real life.

and sometimes, I think it's okay to compensate for that.

out of all of these, this is my favorite bi flag:

it's the one where the colors were blended in lab color space. for me, the lighter, softer purple is close enough to the original bi flag purple, while also feeling like a smoother blend of the blue and pink

but that's just me! and it might not even look the same to you, since every screen is different, because technology is a nightmare!

anyway, thank you for coming with me on this colorful journey! I will now retreat back to inkscape and make pained sounds about inkstitch gradients until something tangible pulls me back into reality