#because he had also grieved and grown and made new relationships

[herbofgraceandpeace]

had to add @raspberryzingaaa’s tags as the cherry on top

hey remember in agent carter when peggy couldn’t move on from steve and daniel moved away bc deep down he knows peggy will always love captain america and he will never rly compare

but remember also when peggy really decided to let steve go and got closure all by herselfand then later on in the series daniel bout to sacrifice himself and peggy was ‘no not on my watch!! not again! not this one!!’ and the thought of losing daniel got her shookt and she realized she loved daniel all along and now we know that eventually he becomes her husband?

no reason i’m bringing this up now i just want to remind y’all that DANIEL SOUSA IS MR. PEGGY CARTER AND THAT’S BEAUTIFUL :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

[angelsdean]

hot take maybe but actually i do expect my mom to comfort me and make me an ice cream sundae when i’m sad even when i get to 40 and she’s 70. my grandma does that for her still. it’s not. limiting her. it’s not saying she only has to be my mommy. i have taken care of her too. it’s saying we love each other and want to take care of each other. mary struggling to be able to interact with grown up sam and dean was very very valid and understandable and i love her for it. she also could’ve maybe tried a little more anyway. they could’ve lent on each other. idk.

Yea i've said before that I think it's a bit outrageous the way people seem to think someone stops being a parent once their child reaches adulthood. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I don't know, but the whole idea of "once your kid turns 18 they're out the door and not your problem anymore" is so deeply flawed IMO. But yea I focus more on "debunking" the claim that Dean expects some sort of motherly coddling / babying from Mary because that seems to be the deancrit take I see the most with regards to this arc / the "i'm not just a mom" scene.

But for sure many people seem to have some weird ideas IMO about what it means to be a parent. Like I think you can feel for Mary and understand that parents can and are more than just parents, but also understand that they will never stop BEING a parent either. Their kids will always be their kids. It's why people always say being a parent is a full time job, not something to go into lightly, that you should be sure you actually want kids and understand that having them is a lifelong commitment etc etc. And having kids makes them become your priority, even when you want to be selfish you always have to try to put them first. Obviously that lessens as they grow up but like, if your adult child were injured or had some kind of health issue / challenges as a parent it's still your job to be there for them, to support them, to care for them. That doesn't just end at 18. It's why *I* know that even though I like the idea of kids I probably never will have any because it's so much responsibility and because those kids are always always going to come first, forever! That's kind of part of the parental "contract" IMO. And even when they're adults, a parent should still be the one person in the world your kid can turn to, rely on, seek comfort in.

And I understand these expectations are complicated in this particular narrative by the fact that Mary died young and is not equipped to be a mother to adults. I think that's such a delicious component that I wish they leaned into more. She is grieving her babies. She is allowed to feel those feelings and feel confused and unsure and struggle with accepting this new dynamic with her children. But a big part of Mary's arc in s12, which culminates in 12x22 with "I need you to see me" is that she is the one stuck in the past, needing to accept her reality and "SEE" her children for who they are now. That's what the arc is moving towards, that acceptance. And after s12 we see her and Dean have a better relationship. We see her still getting to be Mary the person AND Mary the "mom." She hunts, she comes and goes, but she's someone Dean can talk to, share a meal with, spend time together. It's what he always wanted most. He tells her in 14x11 that "just knowing you're around, that you're alive has meant everything to me."

Anyways, I won't ramble about all that again because I've made a bunch of posts about it already. But yes, I think it's normal for Dean (and Sam) to want Mary to comfort them, do nice things for them, the way any parent or really a family member in general might do. They are not asking for kisses on their boo-boos and getting tucked into bed with a bedtime story, which is how a lot of deancrit posts read. What they want is some sort of familial reciprocal care. Like the way Dean spends quality time with those he loves. The way he baked a cake for Jack. Cooks for his family. The way he gives people gifts. The way he fixes Cas's truck. The way he calls to check in on people. He doesn't do these things out of some obligation or playing some "role", he does them because he cares. Because he loves his family, and that's just what family does for each other.

Someone in my tags last night said it very well that what Dean really wanted was just, another family member, to spend time with, to share their joys and burdens with. Someone like Bobby, that he could turn to if he needed. Bobby was a parent figure but he wasn't "parenting" them, y'know? He was someone Dean could lean on, but he didn't expect Bobby to shoulder all his burdens. And I think that's what Dean wants most. Just someone he can lean on and rely on, since he's been having to be the strong one for everyone his whole life.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I know we’ve all been calling Eddie‘s moustache, his gay moustache and I’m as guilty of it as the next person, but the reality is moustache he’s gave far more symbolism than being gay - in fact the gay moustache is actually a very recent thing (the 1970’s!) and an intentional movement by the gay community to subvert cultural stereotypes.

You see the moustache has been symbolic throughout history. They have been symbols of wisdom (think long Chinese moustaches), status (in parts of rajput India, historically only those of an upper caste could wear a moustache so it was associated with being ‘higher born’) and in Europe and America it was a symbol of masculinity and male virility. Indeed many European armies required officers and often enlisted men to wear moustaches. So its association with the military is long founded (apart from the equipment only allowing moustaches, it’s also a part of the reason firefighter swear them - because it is a male dominated career and therefore the moustache is a symbol of masculinity) and predates the moustache as a symbol of queerness.

All of this combined with Eddie diaz having one at this point in time is so interesting, especially because we now know that he’s going to symbolically shave it off on screen as a part of his emotional arc.

Eddie growing a moustache in the aftermath of the Shannon/Kim of it all - the fact Eddie has clearly not dealt with loosing Shannon or his grief, and there is a lot of other emotions and things tied up in dealing with that grief is super important. Eddie growing a moustache is him expressing his masculinity - tying himself to his heteronormative relationship and his military past.

To Eddie right now - his military past is when he had Shannon - it’s when he had a ‘complete family’. He isn’t seeing the cracks in the walls or the fact the foundation is made of quicksand. He isn’t able to see that his In his mind that is when he was happy and that is why he can’t grieve. Which is why he’s grown a moustache - because he’s clinging to his masculinity and the time when he felt he had control over his life.

It is essentially Eddie breakdown 2.0 and in the same way breakdown 1.0 came with a new haircut, but ultimately allowed him to process and deal with part of his trauma, breakdown 2.0 is likely to be the same thing. This time, likely dealing with Shannon and very likely the fact that she was essentially a ‘beard’ for him (even if he wasn’t fully cognisant of it at the time - I genuinely believe he loves(d) Shannon - but I also believe she enabled him to not have to look at himself too closely and keep himself in the closet) so shaving off that moustache is symbolic of shedding his beard (because he’s a firefighter and cannot have a full beard) and embracing his true authentic self.

So Eddie’s moustache is a symbol of his queerness - but only when he shaves it off.

[williceunleashed]

Do you think N ever spiraled after leaving Ghetsis and had to confront everything his father did?

Oh man your ask made me autism really bad on the green guy pokémon man

Gigantic detailed analysis of the consequences of Plasma/Ghetsis on N under the cut !!!

TW : mention of psychological abuse, neglect

N immediately leaves at the end of BW1, and I think it might be the best choice for him. Yes, he does let go of his new found friendship with the player, but he spent his whole life being controlled and manipulated, and it's time for him to break those chains. I think that him leaving Unova is a way for him to distance himself mentally from everything that happened, while also letting him explore the world on his own. I believe his journey outside of Unova is what kept him from spiraling, because he wasn't in a hostile environment anyway. It was all new, with no bad memories attached. He could finally make memories of his own, untarnished by Ghetsis.

N had to grieve his father, because well, he realized this man never loved him. I believe 100% that Ghetsis designed part of N's last team. N's teams consist of surrounding pokémons, but this time specifically, his team contains not one, but two fossil pokémons??? There's no way he would get them in the wild. Because he witnessed the battle with the player, he saw that his father's team was designed to take down his own. He understood that his father had trapped him, quietly, that he had given him specific pokémons so that he would sweep his team and take him down with no issues.

He had to grieve his childhood and his life. He left his pokémons friends behind because he had a "destiny" of some sort, and it was all a big fat lie. He spent most of his life locked in a playground, surrounded by abused pokémons to ensure he wouldn't question Ghetsis' teachings. He never had a best friend he exchanged silly gifts with. He never had his first childhood crush. He never played messengers when his friends had an argument. He never played tag with a bunch of other children. He was never taught to ride a bike as a kid. He never played in the fresh snow with other children, he never had a snowball fight. Had he ever even see snow because he arrived in Icirrus City ?

And then he had to grieve what he could have been. Throughout his travel in Unova it is likely that N understood how socially and emotionally unfit he was for the outside world, because Ghetsis stunted his development on purpose. Ghetsis needed N to be somewhat vulnerable and unfit to get rid of him easily later. N is very much autistic, but it's all made faaaar worse by years of isolation from his peers. At best he is clumsy during social interactions, but at worst he is downright creepy. We don't talk much about nature vs nurture in N's context, and while N is introverted and autistic by nature, he would've never been that awkward and terrible at interacting with others without Ghetsis' awful influence. Ghetsis made him terrible at being social on purpose by isolating him. The fact that N interacts with a literal child (the player) rather than with characters in his age demographic (maybe like Burgh, who is apparently 21 wtf, or Skyla who is 18) is a testament of how bad Ghetsis' influence was on him. He doesn't know how to fit in, or where to even fit. He tries to befriend children because despite knowing he is more than a kid, he perceives himself as less than an adult, because he was never allowed to fully grow up.

The hard truth is, if N had grown up normally, he would have most likely not be interested in bonding with a child at least 6 years younger than him, and would likely have gravitated towards people his age. But maybe he would have had a very Steve-Dustin type of relationship with the player ? The simple fact that in-game he is 20 and is considered as a rival-type character in the game, meaning he is a rival to a 14 YEARS OLD, is a great indicator on how socially stunted N is because of Ghetsis' education. N would crumble and cry if he had to face a normal, bill-paying, working 20 years old. When put against Burgh, who is only 1 year older than him, N seems incredibly young. Burgh is a gym leader. He is social, friendly, confident, fun, a social butterfly (he is insect type gym leader... ahah) N, on the other hand, seems wayyyyy young than Burgh, because unlike him, he was never allowed to grow up, explore the world, and become an adult with normal adult responsabilities. N never developed his critical skills either. He was formated to follow orders, not to think for himself. Meaning that he now has to develop his critical skills by himself as a 20 years old, when it's something that should be taught to you in school and by your parents.

And that is without all the things that are not mentioned in-game but become very obvious with just a look at N's room. If this guy lived like a child all of his life, stuck in a playground, he has no adult skills. He most likely can't manage money, can't cook for himself, can't use electronics, can't use appliances. Ghetsis never intended for N to become a King and to rule over Unova. N has the charisma of a dead oyster after all. Ghetsis might never even have intended for him to live past his 20s. Therefore, Ghetsis never put any effort in teaching him how to be a somewhat functioning adult, because he was going to be disposed of in the end. And that's without talking about the very scary aspect of puberty, gender and sexuality in an environment so incredibly unfit and hostile for a developing child. Either N had no idea what was going on with his body, or N had a somewhat vague understanding and repressed everything for years because it felt so wrong for him to feel like that in his child playground of a room. Either way, sexuality must be a real problem for N and I think he must have a lot to unpack there, alongside with his gender, which he was never allowed to explore because he was stuck as being "The King", which is traditionally a male exclusive title.

Then he grieves his pokémons. During BW1 he asks the surrounding pokémons for help except for his last fight (his only constant pokémon is Zoroark, and very probably his Klinklang later in the game). And N keeps releasing them. There isn't a shadow of a doubt that N loved every battle partner he ever had, but he lets them go because Ghetsis told him this was the only good option. He was lied to, to a level where he unvoluntarily abandonned creatures who thought he was going to care for them for life. After BW1, he leaves with only Zekrom, leaving behind Zoroark and Klinklang, the two only pokémons he kept during his journey throughout Unova. He doesn't only abandon the player, he also leaves his pokémons being, in one last ultimate try to free them from himself, not yet understanding the depth of the lies he was fed.

Even worst, when he comes back in BW2, he gives away Zekrom to the BW2 player. The last friend he has, the one with whom he explored the world, he chooses to give up.

And once he understands what has been done to himself, he has to come to the realization that his sisters are deeply hurt. Anthea and Concordia are found in the Driftveil Safe House in BW2, alongside Sage Rood, surrounded by grunts. Unlike N, they didn't have a destiny. They were mere caretakers. Without N around, they lose all form of identity, because Ghetsis never allowed them to have any. Most of their dialogues are referencing N, not themselves. Unlike N, they didn't go out and explore the world. They were taking in by Rood in the Safe House, and they try to cope with what happened. They don't exit the Safe House, they don't talk to anyone outside of Rood and the grunts. In a way, parts of them are still back there, in the Castle.

And then, there's the grunts. How many of them were lied to, just like N himself ? How many of them are still struggling to return to a normal life ? How many of them lost all contact with their family and friends, and released their very own pokémons, following Ghetsis' teachings ? To me, the Driftveil Safe House was clearly a representation of how much suffering Ghetsis has caused to his own team. The grunts dehumanize themselves, identifying themselves as one big mass called Plasma. They deal with the permanent guilt of having stolen pokémons, of ruining lives for both humans and pokémons. They had tried to do good, they were lied to, and now they have to realize that the only thing they did was hurt all the creatures they had tried to help. They were brainwashed so bad that they are most likely unable to return to a normal life. They still behave like grunts, they still worship N like a god, they follow Rood as if he was a replacement for Ghetsis. The Safe House is the best ending they can get with how psychologically damaged they are. Ghetsis has fucked many people over, more than we usually aknowledge.

.......Anyway

My conclusion : I don't think N spiraled, because this kind of abuse engages a lot of different things in N as a person. It impacted his general skills, social skills, critical skills, gender, sexuality, self-esteem, perception of others, trust in others... N would first have to understand that he is hurting to then understand that Ghetsis hurt him. The consequences of such abuse are HUGE, and N, because he lacks critical skills because Ghetsis stunted him on purpose, would not be able to realize just how bad he is hurt and how bad things are. He would likely realize progressively the impact Ghetsis had on him, and it would most likely be with the help of someone else instead of by himself (When you've been conditioned to endure abuse, you don't know you have been abused, and you need others to tell you it wasn't normal, and you didn't deserve it.) When you go through trauma, you don't realize how deep the roots go until years later.

[theantifeminist]

Escaping the woke cult and losing my brother made 2024 one of my greatest tests from God in my entire life.

In the last few years, I have grown more conservative. And I have been punished for it.

My brother, the man of my life since losing my daddy, went and joined him up in heaven in tragic, unexpected circumstances.

This was happening during the election cycle and I found myself grieving and suffering alone, abandoned by lifetime “friends” and “family” for staying true to myself.

For a long time I was a tried and true feminist, villainizing men just because I was fed a fake narrative of inequality and misogyny from the radical woke progressive militia.

I even had one of those stupid pink hats that I’ve since replaced for a red one.

But despite the feminazi emphasis on protecting women, all the Democrats have done is protect men wanting to pose as women.

Isn’t this counter the feminist agenda?

I was still unsure in the summer of 2024 if I was ready to make the jump to Trump, but during the last few months of his life, my brother opened my eyes to a whole new reality that I had been completely in the dark about.

Not just feminist issues, but also the TRUTH about our food, economy, personal freedoms, gender norms, traditional values, ethnic roots, and preservation of our culture.

He reminded me of the traditional Christian values our father had instilled in us and the proud history of our family that by modern accounts would be demonized despite our contributions to America.

He reminded me to be PROUD of my roots and that I should never feel ashamed.

But it was difficult to vocally reject woke ideologies like feminism when the majority of my friends were on the left and suffered severely from TDS.

Most of them are atheists who don’t follow Christ and condemn religion.

They were all for illegals having more entitlements and handouts than any of us had ever had and didn’t believe in voter IDs.

Some have never really had steady relationships and have been in hookup culture since middle school (12 years old!!!)

They were constantly bashing and belittling men and calling them fuxk boys while bragging about their 50+ body counts and crying that no one wants to marry them all in the same breath.

They were complaining incessantly about not making enough money to live off one income while also rejecting the idea of marriage and insisting that women should work instead of caring for the home.

The ones in relationships were denying their husbands sex as a way to manipulate them into spending money or relinquishing more and more of their masculinity

They mocked the word of the Lord, that says women should submit to men and let them lead, something I have always believed and expressed on several occasions.

They cheered for murdering babies while protecting predators and giving men the right to be in women’s bathrooms.

They “believed women” automatically, without question, and blindly— angrily defending a ridiculous notion that false accusations never happen.

They encouraged me to be promiscuous, send nudes, and got me hooked on partying.

I was on the fast track to hell for so long and didn’t even realize it.

My brother passed 2 days before I cast my ballot proudly for President Donald Trump.

None of my closest “friends” even called.

I thank God every day that my brother opened my eyes and saved me from the dark “woke”path I had been walking down for years.

I learned in the days after my brother died that he had been falsely accused by an illegal whore who had led him on for months only to turn on him when he refused to pay for her new car.

I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

But I blame “woke feminism” for this and will never EVER forgive it.

I know my brother and daddy are so proud of me for standing up for truth and nation. Even though I’m now alone Iknow they will send me a man I can humbly submit to and honor as my king as we worship the Lord together and start a family.

I can only pray that God forgives me for the years I spent off my proper path.

To my guardian angels up in heaven, I will spend the rest of my days fighting for and living up to our ideals with joy and without shame.

I love you.

❤️

[hiro--aoki]

Aires Todd

!tw: suicide, character death!

0 years old

She was born into a middle-class family

Her parents, Julian and Mary, were happily married

1 year old

She had started teething a few months prior, but she chewed on herself rather than the teething rings

Her parents took her to a zoo, she loved the snakes

2 years old

Her parents suffered a miscarriage, which heavily impacted their marriage

Her father bought her a pet snake

3 years old

By now her parents argued often

She had grown attached to her little carpet snake, Jaxten

4 years old

Her parents divorced, with shared custody

Her mother also found a new man the same year

5 years old

She had started elementary school

Her father had gone through a mental decline, becoming an alcoholic

6 years old

She was academically troubled

Her mother suffered another miscarriage with her new man, and eventually took her life by overdosing

Her pet snake ran away

7 years old

Her father had to drive her to a sports event, he was intoxicated while he did

He crashed the car in a multiple car crash, right outside crime alley

Aires thought her dad died, she was scared and ran straight into crime alley

She runs into Jason Todd (9 years old)

8 years old

She now lives in crime alley, and has grown a title of petting random snakes, venomous or not

Most of the time, she follows Jason (10 years old) around like a lost puppy, he doesn’t mind

9 years old

Jason Todd (11 years old) is taken in by Bruce

Aires doesn’t want to go with him to Wayne Manor, so she stays back at Crime Alley with the other Alley kids

10 years old

She is still in contact with Jason (12), aware that he is now the boy wonder

She longer goes by her parents last name, and takes Jason’s last name; Todd, to represent their sibling-like relationship

11 years old

She develops the mental illness: dermatillomania

12 years old

Two mysterious men in lab coats storm into the alley, trying to find any kid, all the others run, but she’s busy with a snake she found

Without Jason (14) here to protect her as much, she tries to fight back, but next thing she knows, she wakes up with a snake tattooed on her arm

She panics, her high emotions cause the snake to be triggered and literally slithers out of her arm and grows into a very large snake

The sight of the snake causes her to panic a bit more, because, how the fuck did she spawn a snake, but it also calms her slightly, because snake.

13 years old

She’s unable to find Jason (15) to show him her ‘cool’ ability

She gets the news of his death, caused by the Joker

Her dermatillomania intensifies

14 years old

She grieves, hard.

She uses her new ability to keep people, other than the alley kids, away from the alley, protecting the kids like Jason use to

She grows attached to the snake, and names her Melly

15 years old

In the middle of scaring of some creepy men, one of them is shot down

She looks around and spots the newest crime lord, Red Hood

16 years old

Whenever she’s in trouble, Red Hood, somehow, is in the area

It is revealed to her that it is Jason (18)

He employs her under Red Hood, as his second on command

She’s glad to have her, now ginormous, big brother back

17 years old

She still works under Red Hood

Got her little costume, but doesn’t bother with a second identity because no one’s going to recognise the little snake obsessed girl from crime alley

Her dermatillomania hasn’t made an appearance since Jason’s (19) return

She also has majority of control of her ability

[josefavomjaaga]

Hii, I have heard Eugene initially disliked his stepfather. It sounds interesting since I love the beautiful father-son bond of napoleon and his stepson. Is it true that Eugene initially didn't like his stepfather? Was it just a part of grieving for his own father, Alexander, or was it because Napoleon initially acted a certain way that hurt Eugene.

Hi and thank you for the Ask! As I’m feeling particularly lazy today, I thought it would be easiest to let Eugène answer himself. This is translated from his memoirs:

I must say that, a few months later, we realised that General Bonaparte might want to unite his destiny with that of our mother, and all the splendour that has since surrounded Napoleon, then General Bonaparte, has not made me forget the pain I felt when I saw my mother resolved to form new ties. It seemed to me that a second marriage, whatever it was, was a profanation, an attack on the memory of my father. General Bonaparte, who was already a regular visitor to the house, took an interest in everything that went on there, and did not disdain to devote himself, with particular care, to the education of two children whose mother he soon hoped to marry; but they were aware of the reluctance we had already shown, my sister and I, for my mother to marry again, and they used the need for both of us to complete our education as an excuse to place us in two boarding schools in Saint-Germain. It was not long before we learnt at once of my mother's marriage to General Bonaparte, of his appointment as commander of the army of Italy, and finally of my mother's imminent departure to follow her husband. All this news would have pleased me very little if General Bonaparte, on leaving for Italy, had not given me a glimpse of a very flattering consolation: he promised to call me to his side as soon as, through assiduous and successful work, I had made up for the time that circumstances had caused me to lose.

So, apparently Eugène and Hortense had shown their dislike for this second marriage openly enough for Napoleon and Josephine not wanting to have them around for the wedding. Which is … yeah. Not particularly considerate. Presumably, this had hurt Eugène more than he lets show in his memoirs. I surely would not want to learn about my mother having married from my school principal (according to Hortense, she was called to Madame Campan’s office, and Madame Campan then carefully broke the news). I’d argue this was not the best start.

But let’s not forget that this is Eugène’s own POV. As he admits himself in the next paragraph, his education had indeed been much neglected (he had already been pushed from pillar to post even before the Revolution after his parents’ separation). The kids being sent back to school may have been more than just an excuse to have them out of the way for Napoleon and Josephine’s marriage.

As to the reasons why the kids were set against their mother remarrying, Eugène cites the memory of his father, in whose care he had grown up and whom he probably had a much closer personal relationship with than his sister. He also may have understood much more than Hortense about the ugly scenes that had happened when his parents had separated, so his mother remarrying may have felt to him as if Rose-Josephine now completely gave up on Alexandre, as if she ultimately declared that her first marriage had been a mistake.

But most of all, I think the children felt abandonned. After all, not even two years earlier, they had woken up one morning to learn that their mother had been taken to prison during the night. Françoise de Bernardy thinks that the letters the kids wrote home from their boarding schools often feel as if they were very protective of their mother, almost as if they had been the adults and Josephine the child. All their childhood had been turmoil. Their mother was the only thing left they could cling to.

But both children were, as a rule, docile and well-behaved, and especially Eugène had this innate desire to please, to be loved, and to win the appreciation of whatever father figure was available in his life at any given time. So it would not take long for Napoleon to win them over. We do not have any letters from Eugène to Napoleon from this time, afaik, we only know he wrote because Napoleon mentions it. We do have a letter from Napoleon to Hortense, in reply to a somewhat defiant letter she had sent. Presumably, Hortense, being younger and closer to her mother, had been more hostile than her brother. But I doubt she would have expressed her feelings too openly; Madame Campan would have taken care of that.

I also always feel like I have to add a bit of a caveat with regards to Eugène’s and Napoleon’s relationship. Yes, I would argue this was most likely the closest thing to a father-son-relationship Napoleon ever experienced during his life. But it always remained at a certain distance. Napoleon called Eugène tu in private, obviously, but in letters and later at court it’s always vous. And while we have multiple remarks of "paternal love" and "filial devotion" etc in their correspondence, I yet have to find a single instance of Eugène referring to Napoleon as a father. Even in letters to his mother and sister he speaks of either "Bonaparte" or later "the emperor". Napoleon does of course call Eugène his son in every letter since the adoption. But this is first and foremost a formality; prince Karl von Baden who had married Napoleon’s adopted daughter Stéphanie de Beauharnais is adressed as "mon fils" just like Eugène.

Aaaand considering that I only wanted to quote Eugène, this has gotten unbearably long once again. Sorry for that 😚. I always get so excited whenever somebody shows an interest in the boy.

Thanks for the Ask, I hope this was helpful!

[hazz-a-bear]

so even though i mainly post about seventeen on here, you guys know that one direction is one of the most important things in my life. I've already talked about liam multiple times but I wanted to share what I posted on wattpad here - I have absolutely no one to talk about this irl so I'm projecting a bit.

yesterday morning I woke up around seven like usual, drank my tea and lounged around. and then I remembered my phone had been charging since midnight so I went and took it from under my pillow to a single message from one of my friends. 'what the fuck?' with a screenshot of the google news page attached. obviously wanting to see it myself, I googled 'liam payne' right away and everything came to a fucking stop.

the only thing I remember before fucking disassociating is going to my mom and saying 'liam is dead'

this whole thing might seem a little dramatic to you. if you're not on the same page as the majority right now you might think, 'eh, esa is it that serious?'

yes it is. yes it is. yes it is.

and if you're reading this, you know it as well as me.

i spent the entire day yesterday in my head, just disassociating and replaying everything one direction in my mind like one of those youtube compilations. i couldn't even cry as much as I wanted to. i was so so numb, it was this weird kind of emptiness that made me feel so drained. for almost thirty minutes after i'd seen the news, I was shaking. my entire being was shaking so badly because it was so shocking. i knew that one day we would have to say bye to the boys but never in my entire life had I thought that day would come so soon. I didn't have anyone to talk to about this because none of my friends are one direction fans nor do they want to hear me yap about them.

one direction was always more than just a band for me - I don't have to tell you guys that twice.

i was first introduced to them by one of my closest family friends. back then I was in primary school and she was a teenager. today, she's a working adult and I'm in university. it reminded me of just how much we've grown up alongside them and their music.

'i'm so shocked. i'm trying to process everything' is what she texted me yesterday.

'he's gone' is what a girl I met at a science class four years back tested me.

please check on your friends who you think is affected by this, because it's not easy to be okay with the passing of your childhood. reach out and ask if everyone is okay.

most of the relationships in my life were made because of one direction. I've found a lot of friends because of them and I've also lost a lot of friends because of them. and yesterday I thought about each and every one of them, just hoping they took the news well.

mourning liam isn't just mourning his life and his legacy as an artist - I'm mourning the teenager that's inside of me who was trying so hard to remember their names, the teenager who was learning every single song lyrics, the teenager who watched 'one direction being crackheads' almost every night, the teenager who went to lengths to get the one direction movie copied to a DVD, the teenager who started writing because of the love she had for them, and the teenager who was dedicated to work hard so she could see ot5 live one day.

and just thinking about the fact that we've now lost one-fifth of the boys who gave life to our childhood, our teenage years is heart-shattering. 

i know that a lot of you guys are feeling confused about what to do and how you should mourn. i've seen a lot of people hesitating and feeling like he shouldn't be grieved. this was a result of what went down the past two weeks and I get it, I understand the hesitancy and I understand why. but, a man is dead and I believe he should be remembered for the good things he's done and mourned because, at some point in our lives, he was a part of something that meant everything to us.

I also want to mention that nobody should invalidate your feelings and nobody should tell you how to feel at all. you're allowed to mourn him while holding him accountable for the things he did. I'm not going to sugarcoat the fact that he wasn't a good person during the latter part of his life, but it doesn't mean that he deserved to pass away without getting the help and closure he desperately needed. he had his own traumas yet it didn't give him the freedom to continue that cycle of abuse. however, this should not be the topic that should be talked about right now. a mother lost his son, a father lost his son, two sisters lost their brother, four boys lost their brother, a woman lost their partner, another woman lost the father of her child, a seven-year-old boy lost his father. this is not the time for some people to pick up their gut and talk shit about his life. this is not the time nor the place. keep that in mind.

and on an important note, nobody should point fingers at anyone who should be at fault for his death. if it's published as an accident, I'm not believing it as anything else other than an accident. don't be that person who put the blame on maya. she was brave for coming forward with it, as well as the other victims. all she did was give us a view of what went behind the curtains and the cameras, the timing was unfortunate. we simply have no right to point fingers and call out anyone as we know nothing about what truly happened. this isn't what anyone would have wanted, don't do that. what we should do is mourn his passing, stay strong and wish his family and loved ones well. because if we, as fans, are going through this much pain, I can't imagine the pain they're going through at all.

when I saw louis, zayn and harry's post today morning I sobbed for the first time. it suddenly felt too real, I couldn't believe that liam was truly gone. every second up to that moment I read louis' caption, I was trying to convince myself that it was not real. but seeing them - seeing all three of them - remember liam in such a lovely way was like a knife to my heart. we can clearly see that they all love him very much and want him to be remembered as the kind soul he was. so let's remember him as such, the sweet boy who gave most of us a purpose at some point in our lives.

I'm typing this without any direction whatsoever but I hope you guys understand everything I'm saying. never in my entire life did I think I would be writing such a thing.

one direction was what led me to wattpad, I'm not sure if you know this. i found a book about louis and harry which landed me on a strange little orange website. and then, you guys know the rest.

I'm so incredibly thankful for everything one direction has done for me. liam was a part of something I loved more than myself and I'll forever love him for that. I'm so sad that he wasn't able to get the help he needed and redeem himself but I hope he's at peace now. he was so talented and kind but the industry was so cruel to him, the world was cruel to him and I hope, in another life, he'll be able to live up to his happiest moments and cherish them for eternity. i have so much more stuff to say but I'm going to stop here for now because I'm feeling so much in the moment and it's awful.

my heart goes out to liam's family, his friends, bear, everyone he's ever worked with and everyone's who has crossed paths with him. my heart goes out to all of you, all of us who has stood by him for so long. it's valid if you feel confused right now but remember, keep a dead man's name out of your mouth if you don't have good to say about him.

if you see strangers on the internet cursing him out, invalidating what you're feeling - stay out of it. you don't have to waste your energy to prove them wrong, it's the feeling in your heart that matters. if you feel like you need someone to talk to, reach out. just remember that you're not alone and your feelings are valid.

let's all get together and grieve the boy that once gave life to all of us, he should be remembered for everything good he's done.

liam james payne, rest in peace 🤍

[cosmoszyn]

alright okay need to rant in your ask box because!!!! that third update was everythingggg

the way you built the tension, the ebb and flow of them closing the distance before pulling apart each time. i was fully invested

i love how you didn’t explicitly say it, but you could tell there was deep love between them. love that, perhaps this caleb never even had for mc because that was devotion that turned into obsession from wanting to keep her safe. like a trauma response to seeing her live a difficult life

this felt like caleb finally maturing emotionally. finally recognising his feelings and being able to place them. without rushing into it, without making outlandish declarations. just him… being in the moment and understanding his emotions for what they are.

and then you ended it with the ball in his court and i know you left it ambiguous but his statement whispered when y/n was asleep—god there’s no way that man isn’t going to make a slow effort to prove his affections and make things work.

it went from being drunk and dealing with negative emotions, being drunk and seeing the end of something held so precious, to being tipsy and starting anew.

there was something so gentle about it all. how jaded she was, how she still had her walls up, and how he was like this puppy trying to finally get the courage to do something about all the emotions bubbling inside him. she didn’t feel like a second choice. she felt like… a choice he made as a new man having worked on himself. a choice made by grown up caleb who has healed just enough to see sense.

i loved it! genuinely. it’s unfortunate that it’s the last part because i truly do love their dynamic. but if you think of other stories with these two characters (caleb and this non-mc), i would totally read it 10 times over because i love the way you crafted the delicate intricacies of their relationship

they’re by no means currently a great love, but a budding promise, a glimmer of deeper potential. like you just know if they work together, their love will be beautiful and nurturing and exactly the kind the two of them need :’)

loved it, genuinely. so so much!

OH DEAR i did not expect this thoughtful comment!

In return, here's a full-blown reply over the creative direction of the series ^__^

First of all, I'd like to thank you for reading the series :") It started out as a silly thought of drunkenly confessing to Caleb who doesn't feel the same way. Then the part 2 was just another silly thought of "What if Caleb drunkenly confessed too but a rejection triggered it?" The third part was honestly NOT in my plan because I (along with a friend and cousin) could never wrap my head around the concept of finally liking someone back after years of pining over someone else. It felt like using the other person as a second choice, backburner, or just someone "convenient."

But sometimes, relationships are more complex than that. So I had to concoct a way on how to make the story focus more on their friendship, how they grieve the loss of it, and the slow realizations of their feelings still simmering.

Second, thank you for noticing their push and pull!! It was a subtle concept that I put into because I want our two protagonists to feel the tension of an elephant in the room but also missing each other so much that the fear of opening it up holds them back to talk about it.

Third, thank you again for noticing that their feelings were not explicitly stated :") Again, I want readers to feel the love between two people and sometimes, you don't have to say it out loud to even feel it! And wow, that analysis over Caleb and MC was actually something I never thought about? Like it was at the back of my head but it was something that I didn't pick up on explicitly either. And that analysis over Caleb and the protagonist too? :") Thank you so much for picking up on that!

AND YES. I intentionally left it open-ended because I want the readers to know that building a relationship again after losing it the first time, whether platonic, romantic, or familial, TAKES TIME. It won't be fixed with just one night, one confession, one kiss. And yes heheheh. Caleb WILL make that effort. I intended for it >:))

Once again, thank you for noticing how I characterized our heroine :") I really didn't want her to feel like she's insecure or MC is above her. For her, it was simple. Caleb didn't want her. Someone else already has his heart.

I know I've said this WAY too many times now in this post but truly, I am absolutely grateful for your comment. I mayhaps have an idea about Caleb and this non-mc but that's for another day! It's not fully fleshed out yet, I'm considering having it in a separate set-up but we'll have to see! I still have a lot of projects up my sleeve :)

AGAAAIN, thank you so much for noticing the little details I've put between the intricacies of their relationship. And yes, they truly are a budding promise, you just know that Caleb will put on the work for her!

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts on the story, it means so much to me as someone who only writes for fun after a long day of being a professional and writing formal shit :") Comments truly make my day and I just really REALLY want to extend my gratitude. I truly appreciate this, I hope your pulls are blessed !! Thank you again, anonie! <333

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 6/9

What am I feeling today?

I got to cry a bit last night which I think was good for me. I realize that I actually am grieving over the situation with my dog. I’ve had him for 12 years, more than half of my life and I’m not ready for his health to deteriorate and the possibility of letting him go. I need to spend more time to come to terms with it all. In better news, I turn 21 in exactly 3 months🥹 but overall today I just don’t want my heart to ache <3

Psalm 7 NIV

(v. 9-10)

“Bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure— you, the righteous God who probes minds and hearts. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart.”

Just a few nuggets here, that God is righteous and he probes our minds and hearts. Meaning that he knows them and He seeks to uncover and explore and examine them (by definition of probe). Also, since God knows our hearts, He knows which one of us are righteous in heart and will shield those of us who are.

(v. 14-16) “Whoever is pregnant with evil conceives trouble and gives birth to disillusionment. Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit they have made. The trouble they cause recoils on them; their violence comes down on their own heads.”

This is such interesting imagery. To say that someone is pregnant with evil. To my mind, it insinuates that a seed of evil was planted and that it has just grown inside us, perhaps even against our will, sucking out our life source (I was taught before in anatomy that the relationship between and mother (host) and fetus is actually parasitic because of how the fetus needs the mother to survive and how it drains her in order for it to grow). That’s not to say motherhood isn’t wonderful!! I work with babies and mothers and it’s amazing! but that’s just to give you an idea of this scripture

disillusionment: disappointment from something not being as good as it once seemed. That is what sin and evil is to us! Satan can make sin seem so appealing because he’s trying to reel us in but once we’re left alone in the aftermath we realize just how horrible it truly is!

Also, the point of digging your own grave and laying in it and things come back to bite you. You put out evil and trouble in the world? It will come back to you. But on the flip side is good - pay it forward!

(v. 17) “I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High.”

Reminder to always give thanks to God! I would also encourage you all to have a gratitude journal. Just write down every little thing that you are thankful for and pray through it to God just to show how grateful you are to Him☺️

[caffeinatedattorney]

No problem! Yeah I think what happened with those twists was that the writers saw how Goyer's original three-villain plot twist in Unburied (the Harvester actually being Stirk, him being manipulated by Hugo Strange, Hugo Strange being manipulated by Kell who is actually Poison Ivy) was well received and deciding that they should just copy that strategy for both SitD and Fallen City?

But the Court of Owls being involved and having caused the Waynes murder especially seems like it doesn't line up with the worldbuilding in Unburied at all - Unburied specifically points out that police corruption isn't something specific to Gotham but inherent to the police system itself, it wouldn't make sense for that sort of story to introduce the Court and go "actually it wasn't the system after all , it was all just caused by this shadowy organisation". Same with Unburied having Bruce learn to let go of his obsession with his parents deaths only for Fallen City to roll this development back by making their deaths a conspiracy, or Unburied Bruce learning about the abuse the villains face in Arkham and blaming himself for it to the point of needing to be consoled by King Tut only for SitD to make him unsympathetic to their deaths and torture - it just doesn't fit together. Not to mention the lack of following up on Barbara's plotline with Flass or Eddie's plotline about potentially losing his grip on his sanity that were core elements of their character arcs in Unburied that subsequently got ignored as if they didn't happen.

It's like the new writers wanted to separate themselves from the core of the original first season (the characterisations and arcs) while trying to emulate what they think made it successful (the plot twists) and completely failing because of this

Oh, gosh I should listen to the first one again. I forgot about that shift in sitd. It's the little things that make Bruce / batman come a cross so differently. Like the first one feels like a batman that's been around, knows all the rogues and cares for them, is constantly monitoring himself knowing how bad things can get and still he goes above and beyond for everyone. It's so... Mature.

I described fallen city as cartoon because frankly all I could think about was Btas and tnba. A bruce that has seen it all... Except a guy who cannot die? Deception? There's no... Nuance? Bruce's grieving is confined to visiting the mausoleum almost. It's like he just started to deal with it instead of someone who has grown around it.

I was excited at first, thinking it was a prequel? The relationship with harvey felt starnge in that it makes you wonder how long he's been a DA and if he has any issues with the job. But Barbara being oracle and mentioning (am I remembering wrong?) the events of the last season only prepared me for the weirdest Ra's reveal ever.

Also you mentioning the corruption in the system! It just clicked to me why it felt so removed from the first and sitd, not just emotionally. It's like, Barbara is encouraging gordon to be a cop bc be was the best there is and, in a way, 'gets shit done'? She forgets about flass and the department making Gordon's life hell for wanting due process at the very least? The premise is too different. And, I might get flamed for this, almost ridiculous to introduce the most larger than life villains batman has.

I reiterate they aren't my favs and I don't read about them, but my understanding is that the court is meant to terrify Bruce, they're the horror in his own home, one he had never accounted for but knows him very well and has tons of power he cannot imagine. And the other is Bruce's first 'oh shit, how do I deal with this guy without getting him or more people killed for some world domination plan'. It's so different from the more grounded ever-present issues in Gotham and having batman still be challenged by them.

I could yap about this all day long lol. I just... The combo baffles me.

[richie-gcko]

claire is not my favorite character. she was pretty bland for me in contrast to the other characters we were given on the show. but we don't need to shit on claire to love sydney or the dynamic between sydney and carmy.

claire did nothing wrong. she had so much love and understanding for carmy. she was supportive and actively chose to show it in so many ways in the small amount of time we had with her. and carmy broke her heart. he was never all in for claire. the only thing claire is guilty of is getting his real number when he gave her a fake one. but carmy's a grown ass man and had multiple opportunities to reject her advances from the beginning ─ when she asked for his number in the first place, when she asked if it was okay that she got it from someone else, when she asked if he didn't want her to have it, when she asked if he meant to give her a fake number ─ she was giving him an out. he never took it. instead, he entered a relationship with her. which yes i do suspect had a lot more to do with michael than it did with him (clairebear was michael's pick, after all and she sort of embodies this connection to him and the past) but ultimately she's allowed to be in her own damn relationship. she never once tried to "fix him", never once tried to put herself into the restaurant and take up space just because she was his girlfriend.

i also do not think that sydney was jealous of claire in the ways some of y'all are making it out to be. i think the issue is that she was upset carmy was not living up to his responsibilities as her partner and friend. which she's completely valid in. they made an agreement and he was not holding up his end. this is her last thing and she's putting absolutely everything into it. and i don't think her saying to carmy that he needed to decide if claire was his girlfriend or not had anything to do with her and everything to do with carmy not fucking knowing what to do with claire.

and carmy is dealing with his own shit right now. still grieving michael, ptsd from literally just being donna's kid, not being able to balance between work and a relationship (he tends to step into one role, it's more of an either/or situation) all while trying to deal with the fuckups that opening a new restaurant under not only the normal amount of pressure that takes but also his deadline with unc and losing it all. carmy is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. and ultimately would probably be better suited to date someone inside the food industry but that's not claire's fault. she just doesn't fit in the world where his work and family are one unit.

and i just wanna point out that claire gracefully ducked the fuck out after carmy let his feelings be known that he wasn't ready for that relationship. by screaming at the top of his lungs to a room full of other people how his relationship with her was a mistake.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

How did all of you decide on the name Void Galaxy?

This is a two-fold question, because the two pieces came separately 🤷‍♂️. It’ll also be a bit long because both parts require some context & Galaxy has a story behind it 💜.

Galaxy came first. We began in an online D.I.D. community* when we started this journey, where most systems had System, Crew, or Collective as part of their name. Echo Collective, The Theatre Crew, Galaxy System, just as some examples (not ones we knew, just showing how the setups worked). We wanted something like that, but System and Collective didn’t stick very well.

Then we met our first queer partner (after 2 failed cishet setup relationships), who was/is a singlet (non-system, doesn’t have D.I.D.) but was very open to learning. After a few months of learning how we functioned and meeting some of us, he made the comment “every headmate is a star, so the collective must be a galaxy”. We’ve since grown out of that relationship and grown out of others too, but that line stuck very fondly (it was the first time someone acknowledged us as separate parts & valued all of us) so it became our replacement for Collective & the like. That was back in late 2020.

(* which turned out to be a tight-nit echo chamber of angry trauma survivors who lashed out at one another, but it helped us begin the necessary grieving process of realizing you were traumatized and can’t get back who you used to be)

Void came much later, around mid 2023. We had grown out of multiple attempts at names for everyone (tried using headmate names, didn’t feel right). And then we saw a post, I think on Tumblr, that described a void as “an ever-changing, expanding and shrinking mass that cannot be contained” and we related extremely deeply.

We are constantly changing, not just in our healing journey but in numbers too. Sometimes headmates go dormant (closest thing for a singlet would be a coma), or they fuse (their name & presence in our mind disappear, pieces of their job and identity fragments get scattered into the rest of us like glass shards). Sometimes we split new people, or several people return from dormancy.

And beyond that, a big part of our journey has been unpacking the toxic, fragile masculinity imposed on us by our father. A rigid board breaks, a thin sheet of glass shatters. The toughest material is capable of expanding, shrinking, and bending without breaking. Flowing, but with a general sense of direction.

Void is the closest we’ve come to acknowledging and embracing who we are collectively, and who we want to be and grow into.

~~

So together (Void and Galaxy), they are two expanding, shrinking, ever-changing accumulations of matter and non-matter that are uncontainable and difficult to define, while also acknowledging that we are all important parts of something greater (planets around a sun (the same body), an asteroid belt, a void).

~Nico

[helloimchael-blog]

240101

hiraya manawari means "sana matupad", or in gen-z terms "sanaol"

The past year was THE real rollercoaster ride of my life. Who would have thought I'd survive and learn so much from that? Maybe it's character development or maybe I've just come to terms that I'm a grown-up now, who's starting to learn the gist of life and doing adulting.

For the past year, I haven't been consistent in doing my written journals, I didn't even get to write on all of the pages, and I bought it last January of 2022, thinking that I'd use it all year. I don't plan on buying any new journal now, since I always forget I even have one. So here we are, you will become my journal. You will be my one and only reader and I hope you stick around for a long time.

~

How did you celebrate the holidays? For me, I celebrated it with family, even though Tatay is not around anymore, I still tried to do the annual rituals like decorating around the house, building the Christmas tree, and having noche buena. Sadly for this year, I still haven't completed the 9-day Misa de Gallo, and I don't think I ever will. That's something that Tatay would've done without fail.

For New Year's Eve, we had dinner and celebrated with torotot (trumpets), lit up fountains (fireworks are banned where I live), and sparklers to welcome the new year. Same holiday rituals, but I know deep inside the "magic" I felt when I was younger was gone. It's not the same anymore, I've grown out of it, for the most part, but I do like to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. Both are equally important in the upbringing of relationships for friends and loved ones. There's so much to unpack, my emotions are not as stable as I seem to be, despite Nanay's preparations, there is this constant nagging feeling of not being enough, it feels like I could've done something -- her efforts do not go unnoticed by me, she may not hear me say it but I'm so proud of her for surviving. I hope she continues to do so because I'll be right there with her -- but I could've done something to keep the holiday spirit alive in this house.

Or maybe, I'm grieving.

The fact that I'm feeling this way now makes me admit that I still haven't gone over the fact that he's not here anymore. Maybe I'll miss the times when I can see my family smiling and having fun because he's the family comedian. Like a glue that sticks everyone together, and not a single one is bored. Getting a bit emotional as I type this in but yes, maybe I do really miss my Tatay. He's my Tatay for god's sake, but we can't have everything now can we? It's hard to become slapped with the realization that my achievements for the following years, he won't get to see it. He won't be there on my birthdays, my graduation, my "get-to-know-the-family-" situation, I won't get to introduce him to my partner, and he won't get to see me walk down that aisle when I graduate. I won't have someone ask me to pose on every corner to take my picture. He's the one who taught me how to capture moments, even the smallest of things, to have those feelings in pictures, frozen in time.

Now I'll be the one to say, "Sanaol may Tatay pa."

I did not expect my 2023 to go that way but I am still grateful. When I say grateful, I am grateful for the fact that life didn't end at 21. What has happened may have changes my outlook on life, made me weaker, made me stronger, made me regret so many things and yet also made me realize that I am finally living. I've lived away for almost two years now, for college, and I could say that its not easy to count up the balance for the rentals when I know that I can't even pay it myself, and instead of saving money, I buy things impulsively and splurge on makeup, just to make me keep going to school. I've been oblivious to the fact that I succumbed to the trends of this generation, and I feel so bad when I realize that I could've saved the money and used it for another time for more important things. Yes, I do get to have the chance to buy what I want, eat three meals a day, and go to college in a town 2-hours away and live in a boarding house -- but I am always reminded that we are not rich and that Nanay is working hard to provide me everything. I've only realized that now when I got older and moved far away -- maybe my studies also made me feel guilty because my grades are not exactly that high and a part of me keeps telling me that I could've done better.

"Sanaol financially blessed and stable"

The hardest part of all this is I still have to complete a case study, and really start working on my thesis, but I am the best procrastinator there is.

I don't really believe in manifestations, but if what they really say is true, then what's there to lose right?

hiraya manawari, buhay ko ay magiging masaya.

[be4tmblr]

So...my new obsession...

Most of you know about my horrible break up with my boyfriend a few days ago. I just want you all to know that I'm doing okay, and I want to thank all of you who reached out to me on Twitter with so much support, and lots of hugs. It really means a lot to me and it helped me feel so much better during such a bad time. Thank you all for that, and know that in times of need you all have my support and hugs as well. Even if I'm not there to say so, just know in your hearts that I'm there.

Anyway, I mentioned in my last post about a new obsession...yeah, I think I'm cool to talk about it now, especially since it's already underway.

My new obsession is...(drum roll please)...

For those of you who aren't familiar with the hobby...this precious little angel is a reborn baby doll. I am in the process of "adopting" this one.

Have no fear...I haven't lost my mind since my ex broke my heart. I'm still me! 😂

Besides, I discovered this long before our relationship ended, so it's been ongoing...I just hadn't had the money to start the process until recently. She wasn't my first choice for a reborn, but she was one that I was also interested in...the first one I chose was already sold out from under me (before I was able to come up with the money to put a deposit on her for layaway), so later on I'm going to have a custom baby made, possibly two...another girl and a boy. No, the customs won't be twins...the girl will kind of be in remembrance to my late father, cause she'll resemble him quite a bit, and also the name I'll be giving her will be something both of my parents always wanted for one of their grandchildren. The boy will be made to resemble my son when he was born (if I can find the right kit for him).

Now I'm sure those of you who know nothing about this are asking "What is a reborn baby?"

From Wikipedia...

A reborn doll is a manufactured vinyl doll that has been transformed to resemble a human baby with as much realism as possible. The process of creating a reborn doll is referred to as reborning and the doll artists are referred to as reborners. Reborn dolls are also known as living dolls or unliving dolls. The hobby of creating reborn baby dolls began around 1980 when doll enthusiasts wanted more realistic dolls. Since then, an industry surrounding reborn dolls has emerged. Reborn dolls are primarily purchased on the internet but are available at fairs. Depending on craftsmanship, they range in price from hundreds to thousands of dollars. Reborning involves numerous time consuming steps. The most basic form of the process involves taking a vinyl doll, adding multiple layers of paint, and adding other physical features to the doll. Artists can pick different brands to best suit what doll they wish to create. Consumers can also buy reborn doll kits that include the doll parts and supplies for creating their own reborn. Making a doll from a kit is called newborning and allows artists to omit some steps in the fabrication process. Many supplies are needed for both external and internal modifications of reborns to make the doll seem more realistic. Some consumers of reborn dolls use them to replace a child they once lost, or a child that has grown up. Others collect reborns as they would regular dolls. These dolls are usually taken seriously and are cared for like an infant. Critics debate whether reborn dolls are harmful, or whether these dolls can help in the grieving process. Because of their realistic appearance, reborn dolls have occasionally been mistaken for real babies and "rescued" from parked cars after being reported to the police by passers-by.

Don't worry about me with the "leaving the doll in the car" thing, cause I never plan to do that. I just wanted to put that out there. 😂 When I take my reborns out with me...and I do plan to do so...then I will not leave them anywhere. They'll go where I go, or they'll stay home.

Now, there are a lot of people who do treat these dolls as if they're real babies, but what others don't understand is that they know the babies ARE NOT real. They're ROLE PLAYING with them, and they do it because it's fun and they like it. While I don't plan to do everything others do, such as feeding them and changing their diaper all the time and all that, I do plan to take them places with me, shop for them, change their clothes, and just cuddle and love them. That's as far into "reality" I'll go with these babies. I won't make videos like a lot of others and put them on YouTube, simply because I don't choose to role play with mine like others do with theirs...my videos would be pretty boring if I did that without all the other stuff. 😂 If anything, I might make videos here and there if I get positive reactions while I'm out and about with my reborns. Other than that, I don't plan to do anything else as far as videos.

I will do pictures, though...dress them up really cute and take photos of them, but they'll probably be limited, as well. I don't plan on buying them A LOT of clothes...as hard as that's going to be to avoid, and I've already started (check my Twitter for the onesie I just posted a little while ago today)...but I do have some outfits picked out already to buy in the future.

The artist of my first little darling in the photo above gave her the name "Kirsten." I'm choosing to change her name to "Nevaeh Grace" (Grace is, of course, the middle name). I love this artist! Her work is AMAZING...if you've ever been to her website, then you know what I'm talking about.

Here is some other information about this baby...

I don't even have her in my possession yet, and I love her already. As I already said, I've begun to shop for her...and the beauty part is, the custom girl I plan to get will be able to share her clothes, so I won't have to spend a ton of money on separate wardrobes! 😂

So, without letting this blog post get any longer than it already has, this is my new obsession. Those of you that think it's weird, or creepy or whatever...you're all entitled to your opinion. Just know that I don't care what you have to say about it. I know who I am, and I know what I like. I'm not crazy. I'm not in need of mental help or anything like that. I'm a perfectly normal human female who just happens to like collecting dolls. That's it. 🤷‍♀️

Have a good day/night everyone!!

[theafictionado]

What’s it about?

Beginning as a good old fashioned coffee shop AU, this fic has spun out into multiple complete but continuous storylines, each focusing on different characters and relationships within a modern, non-magical setting:

Act 1-3 follows Saber and Diarmuid as they fall for each other and navigate a new relationship as two people very much running away from or otherwise dealing poorly with past ones 

Act 4 is a prequel following a young, grieving, very depressed Kiritsugu as he meets Maiya and Iri for the first time

Wedding Cheers is a wedding episode/movie special… except that it focuses on Maiya, always the bridesmaid never the bride, as she reckons with her past trauma, her unrequited feelings for Kiritsugu, and the immortal question “hey, Cu’s kind of hot, right?”

Pumpkin Spice Latte, a Halloween special which is the origin of a certain meme and contains some important emotional set-up for…

Act 5, which is “coffeefic does Heaven’s Feel”, following the now-grown-up F/SN kids over one very stressful Christmas week.

There are also “coffee sips” which are short stories set at various points in the timeline and jumping between various characters who don’t get “main” plotlines devoted to them… though by this point the stories aren’t short and I’m basically using these as a format to flesh out and give closure to all the side characters who haven’t had their own arc yet (plus extra, post-Act 5 closure for some who have).

Why wasn’t it online before?

Honestly, I was mostly just shy – this was initially meant to be for me and like 3 friends, and more generally, I was worried about having my messy creative practice Perceived and Known in a public space. There’s definitely some writing from this era that I’m glad exists only on my hard drive and a couple of people’s inboxes, but it seems a shame to sequester all of it away. Enshrining this fic is as much a tribute to my younger self as anything else,

Plus, at the time the general logic was “no one will take you seriously as a writer if you’ve got fanfic out there!” (if that was ever 100% true, the landscape has shifted since then) and someone had once told me very adamantly that I should never publish anything online because people would steal my ideas (I don’t remember who that was, but clearly they made an impression). Basically I had a lingering sense that I would Get In Trouble or cause Something Bad to Happen, which… well, it would be wrong to say my anxieties are gone, but they take a slightly different shape now, and I figure it’s worth moving past them to share something that can potentially bring some joy in this ridiculous and demoralising world.

Why is it online now?

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but have ultimately always chickened out!! So cheers to the person who messaged me asking where they could read it – you finally lit the fire under my butt to engineer a better way of doing this. The AO3 format may also be a much more sensible distribution system for the later, bigger Coffee Sips, but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.

Will it be any different?

I’m making some tiiiiiiny stylistic tweaks as I go, because I can’t help myself, but otherwise the text will be the same as in the big “collected edition” PDFs with all the chapters together. Even if it’s cringe or I would do it differently now!! This is an archival effort, after all.

What if I want the PDFs?

Knock yourself out! I love those big ol’ formatted PDFs! Send me a message and I’ll email ‘em to you!

Coffeefic, now on AO3!

Surprise!! Originally begun in 2013 and sent out via email to a few friends and then an increasingly large mailing list, I've now decided to archive my long-running, multi-arc coffee shop AU Fate/Coffee online to make it more accessible. While there are some things I'd definitely do differently now, there's some writing in here that I'm quite proud of, and this piece of work is such a huge part of my creative development that I want to celebrate it. You'll be able to find it all here!

I'm in the slow process of getting everything uploaded, starting from the beginning (going back to zero, you could say...)! At time of posting, the first 6 chapters are up. I've set the (hopefully doable?!) deadline of Christmas 2025, since that's when Act 5 takes place. Can you believe that real life has now caught up to the big timeskip? :,)

So whether you're a new or returning guest to The Crossroads, enjoy!