#because every year is just even less enjoyable lol

[heatsu]

cw vent art????

with sh scars

this one wasn't supposed to go here but I like how it looks and I don't have my irls here so enjoy wee

[minjix]

just saying → Vinnie Hacker x female!reader

summary: in which Vinnie doesn’t like your boyfriend

a/n: hello, it’s been a while lol, 2023 was literally the worst year of my life but 2024 will be my year.

warnings: swearing, fighting and blood

word count: 2.4k

masterlist

Vinnie never liked him, from the moment you told him about the new guy you met, to the moment he met him face to face. He never hid it either. A grimace of disgust tainting his face when your boyfriend was around. It got to the point where everyone took notice of it and sided with Vinnie; your boyfriend sucked.

He was never on time, even on date nights and always left the bill for you to pay. When Vinnie found out, he was sure he hated the guy's guts. Every complaint to you about your boyfriend ended with a not so nonchalant shrug and “just saying,”.

It got to you, it really did, especially when the tattooed blonde distanced himself, much to your boyfriend’s enjoyment. He knew he wasn’t well liked, and it gave him an air of confidence, Vinnie would go as far as to call him borderline fucking sadistic.

He remembers the day vividly when your boyfriend waltzed into the room with you in tow and that stupid smirk on his face. Vinnie immediately disliked him, purely because of that fucking smirk that spoke a thousand words, ‘I’m better than you’, blah blah blah, Vinnie knew his façade was a pile of stinking bullshit.

“Who are you?” Vinnie snorted as he leaned back on the couch, legs spread. Although the question was directed towards your boyfriend, his eyes were glued to yours, his gaze heated.

“Uhm, guys, this is my-“ he interrupted you. Vinnie didn’t like that at all. He forced himself to take a deep breath, fidgeting in his seat to get comfortable. It didn’t work. “I’m her boyfriend,” he gloated with a nasty grin, and Vinnie was caught off guard by your soft smile directed towards your shitty boyfriend. It was a punch to the gut, seeing you with heart eyes not looking at him.

“Boyfriend?” Noah gaped at you, his eyes sneaking looks at Vinnie to gauge his reaction. He looked upset, and Noah knew why, but Vinnie himself wouldn’t admit it. He was stubborn that way, enough to break his own stubborn heart.

You smiled sheepishly, shy from the feeling of vulnerability that took over you as every pair of eyes in the room stared you and your boyfriend down. You hadn’t anticipated their negative reactions, it made you confused and disappointed, and a small tinge of embarrassment grew in your gut. Shame set your body alight, why would you be embarrassed to introduce your boyfriend?

“How long have you guys been dating?” Vinnie asked, a fake smile on his lips, it made you cringe. You knew Vinnie, both in and out, and you knew when he was genuine. He wasn’t now.

You turned to your boyfriend, tongue tied, “uhm, well we went official three days ago-“ he interrupted again. You really wanted to disappear.

“Babe,” he chuckled in a tone that Vinnie knew was condescending. “They asked when we began to date, not when we became official.” duh, you thought to yourself and quickly nodded with a small and strained smile.

You felt embarrassed, if he had let you finish your sentence then he would come to find out that you would’ve answered Vinnie’s question.

“Uhm-“ you stammered, he interrupted once again, sighing, “two months babe, two months.” Your stomach was hurting now and your face was burning as did your palms, so much so that your boyfriend let it go to wipe his palm on his jeans. ‘Oh god’ you felt mortified, hoping no one noticed the gesture despite standing on display in front of your friends.

Vinnie spoke, his eyes dark, “Maybe, you should, oh- I don’t know; let her finish speaking?” Vinnie glared at him, his posture less relaxed but he was still in the same position as earlier, though his hands twitched.

“Excuse me?” He took a threatening step forward, but you intercepted him quickly with a forced laugh, “okay,” you dragged out, “how about we stop this, and leave.” So you did.

Vinnie texted you an hour later, an apology, ending with him admitting to not wanting to lose you over a petty dick measuring fight. You reassured him that you weren't the type of person to throw away friendships for one guy.

He read the text with stinging eyes and a chewed up lip. He genuinely thought his chest was about to cave in, he saw his future, a future of which he painted with you by his side, hands intertwined with loving whispers in your shared bed, hidden from the world under the covers. It all fell apart. But he knew better than to admit his feelings to you. You were everything good in this world and he knew he wasn’t enough.

—————

Vinnie wasn’t a stranger to sarcasm, neither were you. Your new boyfriend on the other hand seemed to be.

It was supposed be a relaxed get together, celebrating summer with barbecue and drinks,

It was painful to listen to Vinnie disrespect your boyfriend whilst the boy in question unknowingly agreed to it all.

“You’re one of the nice guys, huh?” Vinnie smirked, his eyes mischievous as he stared at your boyfriend. His blood pumping the liquid courage through his body. Oblivious, he answered with a chuckle. “Yeah, totally dude, I hear it all the time.”

You went to interrupt before Vinnie took it too far, but your boyfriend quickly dismissed you with a hand on your thigh and a slurred whisper of “shh let ‘im speak, babe”

Vinnie rolled his eyes at the site, jealousy growing with each sip of alcohol. “Must be your pride and joy,” Vinnie murmured and your boyfriend huffed, “of course I pride myself in being a humble guy.”

“Vincent,” you snapped and Vinnie’s eyes went wide. “That’s enough.” You stared Vinnie down and he kept his eyes locked on yours despite your glaring, though your glaring eyes quickly turned soft the longer you stared at each other.

Your boyfriend spoke up, snapping your attention to him, though Vinnie didn’t care to remove his eyes from you. His eyebrows furrowed and a frown tugged down the corner of his lips, it looked ridiculous. “Is there something going on between you two that I should know about?” His words sounded forced as he spoke through clenched teeth.

You flinched from his words, your brows furrowed as you stared at him with a gaping mouth. “What?” Your voice shook and your face felt hot.

He rolled his eyes, taking a swig from his beer bottle. “You heard me,” he spat as he glared at you and Vinnie, though your gaze didn’t dare to meet Vinnie’s blank ones.

“I-“ you began before Vinnie interrupted you, his voice expressionless and his face equally so when you finally looked at him.

“Fuck you.” Oh god, you quickly stood up and glanced around for help to stop the fight that would inevitably follow. “Noah?” You yelled out and the boy quickly appeared with a lazy smile on his face before it quickly dropped when he saw your panicked expression.

He quickly walked up to you. “Woah, what’s wrong?” You were just about to gesture towards Vinnie and your boyfriend, but quickly stopped when your boyfriend clumsily stood up and threw the glass bottle toward Vinnie. Glass shattered on the concrete before Vinnie’s feet, beer staining his trousers and skin.

A gasp left your lips before you quickly ran forward to intercept your boyfriend who obviously wasn’t done. Vinnie had also gotten to his feet now, his eyes dark and fist clenched, his body tense as he stared your boyfriend down.

“Lil’ bitch,” your boyfriend slurred, your hand grasping his arm to hold him back. You tried to ignore him instead focusing on Vinnie who was now being held back by Noah. You took notice of the circle of which has formed around you, people curious to see what the escalation would be like.

Fingers pinched your arm tightly, almost breaking through skin. You tore your arm away from your boyfriend to see his glare directed to you now. Your arm burned from where he pinched you.

“What the fuck?” You exclaimed angrily as you gave him a light push. He wobbled a few steps back before he spat on your shoes, a disgusted expression on his face. “You’re his lil’ bitch, aren’t you?” He wiped the stray saliva from his chin with a crazed smile. “You’re his whore aren’t you?” You felt your nose burn as tears blurred your vision.

One second you were staring at your boyfriend, the next his body laid upon the ground, Vinnie straddling him, his fists flying. You could vaguely hear voices screaming, before Vinnie was quickly taken away from the bloodied man you once called your boyfriend.

Through your blurred vision you saw Vinnie being taken into the house by Noah and a couple of other guys, their faces pale.

“Hey,” a soft voice spoke. A blonde haired girl stood before you with a soft, shaky smile. “Let’s get you inside.” She didn’t wait for you to answer before she gently took your hand and walked you inside. You were grateful but your mouth felt wired shut. You wanted to know what happened to Vinnie and where he was taken to.

“Where is he?” She guided you to the plush couch and kneeled down before you, her hand still holding yours.

“Who? Vinnie?” She asked, her eyes quickly darting to the backyard where a commotion was still going on. You could only nod, a tear tickling your skin as it slid down your cheek and neck.

“They took him to the front lawn, someone called the cops.” Your heart stopped. “They’re hoping to explain the situation or something.” She gave you a reassuring smile. “He only protected you, stupidly of course,” she chuckled and you let a teary one out too.

“What’s your name?” Your voice cracked. She gave you a cheeky grin before answering you. “Phoebe, and you?” You told her your name and took a deep breath, “how bad is it?”

She sighed and chewed her button lip, “it looked worse than it is.” And it looked horrifying. You turned around to get a glimpse of your now unofficial ex boyfriend, and he was being held up by two guys, his nose bent and blood covering his lower face with splatters everywhere. Vinnie had done some proper damage in that short moment.

“Oh, don’t look,” she tugged at your hand and made you focus on her. She quickly got up and nodded to someone, whom you didn’t know.”

“She okay?” It was Noah, his hair disheveled and he looked flustered, his eyes quickly glancing outside before focusing on you again.

“Welp, she’s definitely shaken up and could definitely use a friend and some reassurance.” She gave you a small smile before walking back outside again. You wanted to thank her but you found yourself tongue tied.

Noah took a seat beside you, his body slumped against the cushions, and dragged a hand over his face before sitting straight. He looked exhausted.

“Are you okay?” You whispered shakily, your lips trembling. He snorted, “I’m fine, just tired from dealing with cops.” Oh god, your mind drew a scenario of Vinnie in the back of a patrol car.

“Is Vinnie arrested?” Your voice trembled, ‘god this shouldn’t be happening’ you thought to yourself.

Noah laughed this time, the sound loud in the quiet and tense living room. “Psst, no. They understood and they’re actually taking your man in instead for being drunk and disorderly.” Your mouth fell open before you quickly turned around in your seat again to find him again, but he was already gone. The guests back to mingling as though nothing had happened.

“Where’s Vinnie?” You asked Noah, mouth still gaping.

“Here,” another voice answered. Vinnie. He stood by the doorway with wrapped hands and a change of clothing. A sheepish smile on his blushing face. You quickly got up and wrapped your arms around his waist, your head resting on his hard chest. His arms quickly engulfed you tightly. “Thank you for standing up for me.” You sniffled .

“Meh, I always hated the guy.” You lifted your head to stare at him and a smile grew on his lips. “Just saying.”

——————

It took two months before you agreed to go out with Vinnie. He had planned the whole night, home baked pizzas with snacks and a handful of movies. You were both snuggled up under a shared blanket, hands intertwined. He rested his chin atop your head. “It feels surreal, you know?” He spoke. You moved to get a look at him. His dark eyes soft as they glanced at you under the glow of the lit candles on the living room table.

“It feels like I’m about to wake up at any moment and resent myself for this only being a dream.” He continued, he looked melancholy, as his inked hands nervously played with yours. “I never wanted to lose you, and I did anyway.” Your heart felt heavy as you listened. You wanted to say something but you could tell he wasn’t done speaking.

He sighed, forcing himself to let it all out. “I think I’m in love with you, I think I’ve been for a very long time. I don’t really know the definition of love but I know that you’re all I think about. You make me feel safe and nervous at the same time and it’s very confusing,” you both chuckled before he continued.

“I can’t see anyone else being in your place and if I had the power to, I would freeze time so I could spend an eternity here with you.” You were crying now and his warm hand lifted to grasp your wet cheek. His eyes were alight and a smile grew on his lips as he laughed.

“Fuck,” you sniffled, a smile covering your lips as your heart pounded in your chest. You felt indescribable happiness and love. The type of love written in books and wished upon falling stars. “I think I’m in love with you too.” You answered and quickly placed your lips on his.

His hands found their way to your waist before guiding your body down. He leaned over you, his lips still on yours whilst his tongue begged for entrance, and you let him. His tongue fought for dominance whilst he fit himself between your thighs. He slowly separated his tongue from yours and softly nipped on your bottom lip. A breathy laugh escaped his lips, his breath warming your swollen lips.

He quickly kissed your face, speaking between his kisses. “I” kiss “love” kiss “you” kiss.

———————

don’t forget to comment and reblog ♡

[hyperfixatedbastard]

Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

[lialuvsaven]

Pairing: Aventurine x Reader

Tags: 2.3k word vomit, fluff , you two celebrate New years together (even tho it's like, Halloween rn lol) I very very loosely referenced omikuji here, because the idea of drawing fortune slips with Mr luck is very tempting to me.

It is the evening of the first day of the trailblaze year when you and Aventurine make your way into the New Year fair in Outerland, walking hand in hand as you pull him along whatever catches your fancy.

Today's events unfolded as a result of a previous conversation you shared with Aventurine a couple of months back. According to you, Qlipoth may have saved the cosmos, but one area where THEY fell short was in establishing a reliable calendar system. Seriously, how come Amber eras are this long? You had a feeling that the IPC deliberately promoted the amber era calendar system to avoid granting too many holidays to their employees.

However, when you presented this "absurd" idea to Aventurine, he laughed at you. "Qlipoth has bigger priorities than worrying about the average salarymen at the IPC taking a day off," he remarked, thoroughly amused. And while you do agree with him, Amber era is still a crazy system to you. It doesn't even have a fixed length, for Aeon's sake!!

Honestly, you much preferred the trailblaze calendar system. It was concise, precise and dare you say— better suited for short-lived species. Your grandmother did not live one complete amber era, but she did live 90 trailblaze years. You'd definitely prefer to speak of her as a 90 years old rather than, well, 1.5 amber era old.

(Or perhaps, you're just accustomed to following the trailblaze calendar like everyone else on your home planet. You still thank every stars that Akivilli decided to visit your planet.)

Regardless of your efforts, you couldn't get your completely logical argument through your boyfriend. Maybe the next step is to create a holographic presentation to demonstrate how the Amber era is an irrational and unsuitable system. But no matter, you can save this debate for another time. Aventurine will still be here, as will your personal conflict with THEM. What's really important is convincing your boyfriend to celebrate the upcoming New Year (trailblaze calendar) with you. You are determined to make him take a day off for that, no matter what. (The idea of enjoying a festival with Aventurine is very appealing.)

Fortunately, he has always been rather weak to you.

And so, You find yourself on a planet you've never been to before, accompanied by your boyfriend who's on the same boat, simply because it's closer than your home planet, and they observe New Year's in a similar way to your customs. you're always a little nervous about visiting new planets, but luckily your boyfriend is reliable enough for you to not have to worry about anything.

Dressed in the customary attire of Outerland, you and your partner stroll hand in hand through the bustling crowd, filled with laughter and conversation, making it, in your opinion, one of the most enjoyable experiences you've shared with Aventurine in at least a year (or, 0.00416 Amber Eras).

....See, Amber era is faaaaaar less romantic. It's evident that Qlipoth has little regard for romance (THEY have none whatsoever.)

The majority of the stalls feature wooden structures adorned with vibrant fabrics and intricate patterns, creating a lively and colorful atmosphere. The scent of the crisp night air mingles with the aromas of spices and grilled foods from the various shops, blending into one harmonious aroma. This scent is accompanied by the lively chatter, laughter, bargaining, and sporadic calls of Outerland names, presumably from their friends and family. Aventurine feels incredibly out of place in this vibrant setting, and he would probably feel even more— if it weren't for your firm grip on his hand. Amidst the lively atmosphere full of love and warmth, he cannot help but hold on to your hand tightly, lest he's forced to confront the depths of his loneliness.

You've already taken him to experience every game at the fair (he's won them all, and you've lost half of them), try a variety of sweet and savory foods (he wonders who you'd have given your half-eaten grilled squid to if he hadn't been there), and choose colorful (and silly) masks to wear together (he rather likes these— people won't recognize him by his eyes this way. For now.)

At the end of the seemingly never-ending line of stalls, right next to the open field, stands a rather unique-looking stall. Your eyes immediately light up in newfound curiousity, tugging him by the cuffs oh his shirt along (he's more focused on switching to lace his fingers with yours to properly look at where you're taking him.)

The stall is bright and lacks the smell of roasted nuts or alcohol, being far away from the food section. Instead of displaying jewelry, clothing, or anything else, the only items on the counter are two similar cylindrical black boxes. Each box has a small hole, indicating that this is likely some sort of lottery device. The shopkeeper greets the two of you with a smile, and Aventurine notices the wooden boxes numbered up to a hundred behind him.

Apparently, this is an Izumo tradition, where people draw lots to learn about their luck for the next year. Aventurine doesn't need a paper slip to tell him how his luck will be next year, he can somewhat predict it.

Within the next twelve trailblaze months, he'll embark on at least two challenging missions, frequent your new favorite sightseeing spot until you're both tired of it, get paired with Ratio in a few missions again, take a trip to your home planet just because you missed your friends (and he'll miss you if you're gone too long), attempt to get Topaz investing in another loss project just for amusement (it's worked twice so far), spend most nights hugging you to sleep, earn at least 5 trillion credits, and fall in love with you more (because it seems ∞ is not the end, not when it comes to his love for you. And he's now got solid proof of why infinity is expandable. Hilbert's infinite hotel paradox makes much more sense now.)

(Cheesy, you'd say. And he'd agree, had it not been him being genuine)

You turn to face Aventurine, adorning a smile on your face. Aventurine recognizes that look, those faux pleading eyes you make when you want him to do something with you. (He doesn't quite understand the purpose because he'd indulge you even without it, but you look cute so he's more than fine with it.)

Your eyes shine, failing the puppy eyes look you're trying so hard to pull off. "Aventurine, can we also check our fortune?" He could have mentioned that he doesn't believe in fortune telling and therefore doesn't see it as worthwhile, but—

It's you. So naturally, he agrees.

You each grab one of the two cylindrical wooden boxes and give them a shake. No, Aventurine gives it a shake, while you shake yours like your life depends on it.

Aventurine laughs before quipping, "I don't think shaking it harder is going to make your draw better, love."

Your shoot him a pout, before shaking the box harder "I know, but i don't care"

If you hadn't been so focused on shaking the wooden box, you would have noticed the affectionate smile on Aventurine's face. Nevertheless, his fondness is evident in his tone when he says, "I really hope this works in your favor."

(You feel a silly, affectionate grin spread across your face, and warmth envelops you.)

Finally, both of you draw a stick and hand it to the storekeeper. He matches the numbers and retrieves a paper slip for each of you. You thank him before leaving to find a quieter spot to check your luck.

Aventurine expects to get good luck, so he's not surprised when the slip reveals 「The highest, excellent fortune」 The subsequent description contains several amusing sentences about what he can expect this year. Phrases like "your wish will be fulfilled", "the person you want to meet the most will come meet you" and "never change your mindset" elicit a slight chuckle from him. He doesn't bother finishing the entire slip because it doesn't apply to him either way.

Wish fulfilled? Fulfilling his wish would signify the end of his luck, and as far as he knows, dead people can't come back to life.

Nevertheless, he proudly displays his slip in front of your eyes, blocking your view of your own slip. You neatly tuck yours away and then glance at his with widened eyes before responding in a deadpan tone, "Why am I even surprised?" The exaggerated monotone voice you're using right now is the funniest thing Aventurine has encountered all day.

"Surprise no surprise~ I told you, I didn't need a paper slip to tell me I'll already have good luck this year"

You huff, folding your arms. "Yeah, right. Good for you, Mr. Lucky," you say, and Aventurine responds with a playful wink.

"What about you? Did all that shaking pay off for you?"

At that, You glance at him and offer a smile, but aventurine is perceptive; he notices the brief hesitation before your smile.

He's known you long enough to know when you're trying to hide something.

"Let me see the slip," he requests, and you uncomfortably avert your gaze. Aventurine appreciates how you never lie to him, but he wishes that meant you were always forthcoming instead of becoming completely silent whenever a situation makes you want to lie. He tries again, and you hesitantly place the little piece of folded paper in his hand.

「Bad fortune」

Even if you attempt to get along with others, it won't succeed.

Try to avoid trouble, as you may end up in peril.

Negative occurrences will happen repeatedly.

*Your desires will not be fulfilled. *Requests you make of others will most likely be denied. *Your future looks bleak, and the bright moon of fortune is obscured by dark clouds.

You try to awkwardly laugh to placate his grim expression. "Come on, it's just a little slip! Neither of us believes this seriously."

However, Aventurine is not willing to take any chances. He'd have laughed it off if he were the one to get bad luck, but it's you. It's you, so he feels somewhat resentful towards the shopkeeper for even putting a bad luck slip there in the first place.

"I won't allow any of that to happen to you," he says firmly, and you blink in surprise before bursting into laughter.

"Haha! You're so adorable! Thank you, I feel very reassured now."

You smile at him, but Aventurine knows you better than you think. Although your spirits may have been lifted for now, you're bound to remember this little piece of paper every time something goes wrong for you in the next year, even if you don't realize it yet. And not like he's particularly happy about this, either.

"Let's swap," he says— no, declares, and hands you his slip. "I have enough luck to handle whatever this slip predicts for me, so you can take it."

"W-what?"

"You can take it. My good luck, and all that comes with it."

Your heart flutters foolishly at that, and a blush inevitably spreads across your face despite the frown on your face. Though Aventurine can't see the blush under the colorful lighting, the look in your eyes is enough for his eyes to light up with delight. But that momentary joy is taken away from him when you try to pull your (now his) slip away from him.

"No- no!! You can't take this!!"

"Why not?"

"Because you're the one who needs it more???" You exclaim, like he's saying the most ridiculous thing ever.

Aventurine scoffs, "You didn't just say that to me. You know my luck never fails me"

"Maybe so," you say as your gaze shifts from his face to his hands, and you gently intertwine your fingers with his. (Aventurine wonders what it would be like to have you do this with him forever.)

"But a bad day for me insinuates like, getting to work late or spilling my drink. But a bad day for you….the stakes are much higher, and I don't want to take that risk. Plus, I'm sure your good fortune will rub on me enough to soften whatever blows life throws at me!"

Ah. You really have a way of making yourself even more lovable, don't you? Aventurine's heart tightens in his chest, and briefly drifts into a daydream, imagining how he would have loved to share today's events with his late sister.

("Can you believe it?" He'd tell his sister, "they told me that my luck would improve theirs too, just like you.")

(His sister would have laughed in response, and advised him how he needs to stop telling her about every little thing you do. But she'd be happy too, he knows she would.)

Aventurine's daydream is interrupted as your fingers attempt to open his clenched fist to retrieve the slip. He quickly hides his fist behind his back and gives you a charming smile. "No matter how hard you try, I will never, and I mean never, let you have this,"

After several more failed attempts, you give up. "Alright," you reluctantly concede. "Since you're willing to bear my share of misfortune, let me express my gratitude properly." Aventurine blinks, before he's met with your intense eyes. "Aventurine, thank you for being so kind to me," you say, almost causing him to look away, anything to avoid seeing that sincere and fond expression directed at him.

(He'd gladly take away all your sufferings so long as you continue to smile.)

But your earnest gratitude needs to be met with a proper response, so he smiles and ruffles your hair. "Think I'm gonna need a little more than a thank you." You huff, but pull him closer to your lips.

He had never thought that cotton candy was the sweetest thing in the world until he tasted them on your lips.

[toskarin]

just because I'm thinking about it, here's one of those periodic posts where I list off a few random youtube channel recommendations I've been enjoying lately (or have been enjoying long-term (or for any length of time really))

Masaru. - I like fishing. but I can't do it at the moment. Masaru also likes to fish. he free dives, he brings a fish up, he cooks the fish, then he says how it tastes. sometimes it is an unusual fish. sometimes it tastes good. sometimes it tastes wretched. he will tell you. this singlehandedly solves basically every single complaint I have with most cooking/fishing channels. this is cocomelon to me

MIQ(MIO) - it's MIQ! one of the strongest anison vocalists of... well, basically ever. it's her official channel! she uploads concert recordings, karaoke advice for her own songs, and general updates on what she's doing here. I'm always aghast when I see how low her viewcounts are, given that she's an industry legend who's been going strong for over 40 years.

bellykelly - vinyl collector, uploading some really good cuts that you'd be hard-pressed to find anywhere else. one of those channels where I'm always up to date on uploads, and when I fall behind, I just playlist it all to catch up

Xerxes Vinyl Classics - vinyl collector, hasn't upload in a while, but has lots of older releases and remix pressings that are otherwise pretty rare. has some of the higher quality recordings of cantopop releases that are otherwise a little difficult to listen to in acceptable quality

Zuka Zhvania - music-enjoyer and song-uploader with a VERY frequent upload schedule. he's (as far as I know) not an official promoter or anything, but he's pretty damned good at keeping the tunes coming. if you're looking for someone to set you on some obscure industrial and house cuts, check out this channel

LIVING ONLY RECORDS - official channel for a doujin label with some absolutely fantastic noise rock, punk, and shoegaze bands on it. it's my understanding that this is less of "a record label" and more of a way for 群青リボン and friends to book out live houses together while selling merch at one table. which is a pretty noble cause

Someone45356 - probably laying pretty safe claim to the title of "most genre-firsts in the touhou doujin scene," Someone45356 is a strong recommend just for the level of care they put into their arrangements. I love their video thumbnails and their arrangement notes in the video description. a great channel at any level of musical interest (but an ESPECIALLY good channel if you're also a musician)

UPROAR24 - sick and tired of plguin and samplepack demo videos that are 75% ad copy by volume and still don't manage to show you the stupid thing in action? tired of looking at questionably-useful free vsts and not being able to tell whether you're even comfortable having that rubbish on your pc? UPROAR24 runs a channel that's pretty explicitly a reaction to this, making dodgy demos of dodgier plugins. works lovely as a catalogue to browse when you're looking for a new toy

USUDA - the pillar of the Armored Core fan community, USUDA has arranged more Armored Core music than anyone else short of actual FromSoft staff. he also releases his music for free download, including his midi arrangements. very friendly guy in all the interactions I've seen, and also pretty good at remembering people he's seen in other comment sections. I'd honestly shoot him a message first if I had any questions about arranging songs from these games lol

Ricardo Cruz - if you've listened to any portugese (br) covers of anison, you've heard Ricardo Cruz. even if you only listen to originals, there's still a pretty fucking solid chance you've heard him, because he's a JAM Project contributor. absolutely wonderful channel if you like watching skilful singers duet with other powerhouses

Saint Mauve - the best Hellsinker channel on youtube, which isn't an especially competitive title. but I think Saint Mauve would probably still be the best Hellsinker channel on youtube even if there were more than like three. my qualifier for when I've found something weird in the Hellsinker periphery is when I haven't seen Saint Mauve post about it. also plays other (often HS-adjacent) doujin stg and has good opinions on them

Tom Green - this is a weird recommendation but if you don't intuitively understand the appeal of a now-early-50s Tom Green calmly talking about his farm animals and riding around on a horse for hours at a time, I'm really not sure I can sell you on it. oddly calming

mercurytower - this channel is run by Asa, the musician behind Souvenirs to Forget. before they started releasing their original work, this was mostly used to upload guitar covers (which are good, but guitar covers aren't really enough to make me give a glowing recommendation of a channel). Souvenirs to Forget is a really exciting solo project and one I'm personally keeping an eye on. naturally, they upload their releases to this channel

Trance Classics - vinyl collector, records videos to go with the music, focuses more or less entirely on trance. I've got no excuse here. I just fucking love trance and always have, so you can pander to me really easily by just making a channel like this. if you like trance, it has hours and hours of trance

SJ HanStone Lee - the early-gen Mabinogi composer, among a lot of other things. it's been a while since he's posted anything new on this channel, but I check in every now and again. by my reckoning, one of the best mmo composers (and honestly one of the best game composers in general) of the past two decades. there's some stuff on here and his soundcloud that serves as wink-wink-nudge-nudge loveletters to his time working on the early Mabinogi soundtrack

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hi! I see you've been writing some stuff for Tfp humans and because I'm a Tfp human enjoyer I thought I could request something:)) (I personally cannot write so yeahh)

Fell free to do it and feel free to not do it if you don't feel like it :))

So,

How about an AU where June and Fowler (due to some relic to stuff) get aged back to when they were 16/17. They were probably wildly different than their adult versions and seeing kids interact with 80's teenagers would be fun (I personally hc Fowler & June to be in their late 30s like 39 so if Tfp is in 2011 yeah they would be teens in the 80s)

Also,here are some of my personal hcs for teenage June & Fowler which you can use but if you feel like they would be different feel free to do that too :))

Fowler was kinda the high school jock/a chad as one could call it. Also probably smoked even though he was under age lol. Probably a rock fan who plays the guitar to impress girls lol

As for June,I see her to be a rebel who wanted to be in a biker gang/generally into motorcycles. Probably like Miko but more reserved :)).

Also have my teenage Fowler doodle as an add on cause it's relevant

Sorry that the ask is so long btw I feel strongly about tfp humans 😭

Feel free to take anything/nothing into consideration for the main scenario :))

EXCELLENT ART!!! SORRY THIS TOOK TEN BILLION YEARS TO GET TO!!!

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Relics are not known to mess with age. The few that have such properties do little to harm a mech aside from possibly get rid of a beloved mod or engraving. As such, the team left one of their various collected relics just... laying on Ratchet's workbench. It wasn't particularly dangerous, and Optimus's memories of the archives stated that it had slight rejuvenation properties. That was all. It was essentially a small healing device meant to be applied to minor wounds.

But of course, anything minor to Cybertronians tends to be definitively less so to humans.

June and Fowler were left to keep a vague eye on the relic while the team performed other tasks. They chatted and overall relaxed, but at some point, Fowler noticed the relic was a little too close to the edge of the table for his liking. Sure the thing was almost as big as he was, but in his mind, with the help of June, they could push it back onto the table proper and rest easy knowing there would be no surprise clank to startle them or upset Ratchet. Their attempt to be helpful very quickly ended with a flash of light, every living being in the base hurrying toward two sets of screams, and gasps of horror all around.

June and Fowler were younger, WAY younger. Upon analysis, both were in their late teens biologically. Ratchet and Optimus argued over what to do, and upon seeing the relic, the overall consensus was that the two rejuvenated humans would have to remain at base until Ratchet could figure out a way to reverse the effects. It was not ideal, but a few calls later, things were organized enough. The military would cover for the loss of both Agent Fowler and June for the time being, and the team would get to work.

The team got busy and went about their work and June and Fowler stayed put... mostly. Despite having memories and experiences to match their adult selves, both teens had opinions and feelings regarding things. All three of the kids collectively decided they did not in fact enjoy these younger versions of the adults they knew within... about two minutes.

Fowler was a piece of work. He paraded around like he was in charge, but had the unfortunate habit of shoving Jack around for the kick of it. He didn't mean it maliciously, but the constant shoving did get on nerves. It did not help that Fowler used his spare time to work out now that his back was not murdering him every two steps. A definitive six pack most certainly did not endear him to Jack with his twiggy body. Fowler tried to get along with them by playing the adult, but being young again put a certain spring in his step and before long, he was off to cause problems. Lifting weights and wearing absolutely cringe worthy headbands, Fowler took off gleefully. The children avoided him like the plague, especially when he tried to rope them into his terrible 80s workout video exercise routine.

June was arguably worse in that while she wasn't outright cringy, she did have a few... habits. Her haircut was enough for even Miko to look away in shame. June's choice of clothing prompted three in sync face palms. And to add to it, she was absolutely determined to continue being the adult in the room even upon immediately getting distracted with video games and Fowler himself. Her use of 80s slang and her determination to ignore the rules just enough to be annoying quickly got on the nerves of everyone, especially the kids. Don't touch that? Oh she didn't touch it, she just got really REALLY close to it while making direct eye contact. Don't bother Ratchet? Well guess what, Ratchet gets a few dozen questions anyway.

Both were menaces to society just by existing. The team personally didn't mind all that much. What difference did personality shifts in small squishies mean to them? However even Bumblebee cringed internally as he watched the various scenes with the duo play out. Arcee for her part got several pleas from June to let her try Arcee's alt mode. Fowler may or may not have also tried to get Bulkhead to let him use the forklift to play lob ball, kind of.

Chaotic monsters all around.

Jack could do nothing but pray for the team to work quickly for the sake of his sanity. Miko is enough trouble on her own.

[violet-bruises]

Baby Lay Your Head Down

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x OFC (SSA Sophie Carter)

Warnings: Established past relationship (kind of), mild suggestive language, mentions of grief, mentions of death and almost death, mentions of suppressing emotions, excessive longing, angst

Author's note: I've had ideas for Hotch swirling in my head for months years, and this is the first time I've managed to get anything down on paper. In my head, my OFC is a little more fleshed out, as is her relationship to Hotch, and their story is much larger. This is just a small blurb taken from a point in their story that was swirling in my mind recently. I hope it makes sense lol. ALSO! This is my very first time posting to tumblr, or publicly at all for that matter.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN AARON HOTCHNER AS A CHARACTER! ALL CREDIT TO THE CREATOR! (did i say it right?)

Word count: 2,474

Summary: Aaron is usually the first one in the office. Usually.

Once upon a time, Aaron loved mornings. In law school, he’d wake up while it was still dark, squeeze in an early run around campus, shower, and enjoy his coffee all before the sun ever began to show its soft colors. When he and Haley were newlyweds, he’d surprise her with breakfast in bed—which quickly grew cold as they entangled themselves in their straight from the registry sheets. And once Jack was born, Aaron would wake up just to hold him, rock him in the cushioned chair in his nursery before work. But soon, slowly and then all at once, his life grew darker. A thick shadow cast over his days, no matter how high the sun sat in the sky. He and Haley drifted apart. He’d wake many mornings to an empty apartment—no longer a home, much less a house. He spent his mornings in the confines of the BAU. And then Haley died, and Jack almost did; Aaron started sneaking into Jack’s room to watch him sleep just to reassure himself that his son was still here, alive and breathing.

But eventually, mornings became bearable, until they were even enjoyable again. The thick smog over his days lifted. He stopped going into the office early and started having small moments with Jack. Aaron got to enjoy his coffee again, squeeze in the occasional early run, and, for the first time ever, eat breakfast in bed, made for him. For the first time, Aaron’s small apartment felt like home; the soft colors of the sun were no match the vibrant warmth Sophie carted into his life. But clearly Aaron was cursed long ago to fulfill the same prophecy over and over again, because, just as he was finally happy again, truly and utterly, deeply and joyously, he managed to fuck that up, too.

So, once again, Aaron arrives early at the office now every morning. Some occasional mornings, he’s not the first one to wake the floor. On those mornings, he’s grateful—a pot of bitter hot coffee almost certain to be residing in the carafe, singing his name. Most mornings, however, Aaron arrives to a dark and empty bullpen, and he’ll trudge to the small kitchenette in the break room before doing anything else to start the coffee. While the coffee brews, Aaron will make his way to his office, setting down his briefcase and unloading the files on his desk. He’ll file away papers he’s finished with, creating a pile for JJ and Garcia to review. By this time, his coffee has dripped enough that he can pour himself a decent cup. Black. No cream or sugar when in the office, not that any amount could truly save the monstrosity. He’ll place the files on Garcia’s desk, then backtrack to JJ’s. Once he returns, he’ll sit at his desk, pouring over case files, old and new, as the sun rises outside and the city wakes and people begin to pour into the office, a trickle, then a flood.

The same routine for the past three months. Every morning. Everyday.

Except for today.

Today, when Aaron manages to pull himself to the seventh floor and into the BAU, he stops short. The usually quiet and dim office space is punctuated by a soft glow, right at its heart. As he approaches from the entrance, he expects someone to be occupying the lit desk, but its chair is empty. Scattered across the tabletop are case files. A file on the missing twin girls in Arizona from last week (paperwork the responsible unit chief in him is praying is finally done) is open on top, but more lie underneath. He can’t quite read the labels in the shadows that escape the desk lamp’s light. Aaron reaches his hand out to thumb through the papers.

“Oh!”

Aaron swivels to find Supervisory Special Agent Sophie Carter, sock-footed and grasping a massive cup of coffee, standing before him, clearly having just emerged from the break room. Aaron briefly, traitorously, wonders what the ratio of actual coffee to sugar to cream she’s decided on today.

“Good morning,” Aaron greets her, gruffly. He hasn’t spoken since waking up, really only just above a whisper when dropping Jack off at Jessica’s. His voice is rough with unuse. Clearing his throat, he tries again. “What are you doing here?”

“Good morning,” Sophie responds. She diverts eye contact and brushes just past Aaron to reach her desk chair. Aaron watches her. “And I work here.”

Aaron’s lips purse displeasingly. After a moment, Sophie glances up at him then sighs. “I, um, couldn’t really sleep. Figured I’d turn that into being a model employee and finally finish all of my paperwork.”

Aaron documents the subtle red tinge bloomed across her cheeks. Still avoiding his questioning and concerned gaze, she raises her coffee mug to her soft lips. I’m Down To Just 1 Cup A Day in big block letters written on the side. The mug is as big as his head.

“I wish you’d chosen that philosophy about ten years ago. Would’ve saved me a few headaches.”

Sophie finally meets his eyes again. Warm and dark, nearly midnight when cast away from the light on her desk. Aaron is reminded of the night skies that cover all of the small towns he’s seen; far enough from the city, awash with billions of tiny dots of light—stars that create impossibly beautiful and intricate patterns in the sky—the vastness could swallow him whole, and he’d welcome it with open arms.

“Ha ha,” she intones, but her eyes never lose their warmth. Aaron chuckles but doesn’t respond. Instead, he watches. Watches her shuffle through papers, write things down on a sticky note, tuck papers away in folders, pull more papers out. Finally, with tight shoulders, she turns to look up at him. “Can I help you?”

Aaron scans her face. “What are you doing here so early?”

She frowns. “I told you. I couldn’t sleep.”

Then, Sophie sighs, slumping back in her chair. Aaron knows she’s tired. But it’s not the discoloration under her eyes, or the heaviness of her lids that gives her away. It’s how quickly she caves to telling the truth. Too tired to be stubborn, Aaron muses. The fight and irritation drain from her in an instant. “I don’t know, Hotch. Genuinely, I really haven’t been sleeping well, promise. But. . . yeah, it’s been more than just a few sleepless nights.” She flops over, forehead resting on her folded arms. “I haven’t had insomnia like this since college.” Her words come out muffled and pitiful, wrought with exhaustion.

“How long has it been this bad?”

“Um, I guess. . . since the serial in Montana.”

“That was three months ago.”

She doesn’t answer; her head stays buried. Aaron frowns, though he pretty much has been since he realized it was her desk light on in the dark office. Since his discovery, the sun has risen a tiny bit beyond the brick of the building, the sky a cornflower blue. Aaron reckons it’s about 5:30—about an hour and a half before anyone starts arriving—two and a half before the bullpen is officially alive for the day (and three before Morgan manages his way in). Aaron’s noticed Sophie’s tiredness. Of course he has. He catches her blank stares and heavy lids easily. He would’ve said something by now, but her exhaustion had, remarkably, not yet affected her job. The minute duty calls, she springs into action, like she’s been a tightly coiled spring finally allowed to burst. But, it’s more than just that that holds Aaron back. Because that wasn’t part of their arrangement, was it? Because asking her if she’s been sleeping, or feeling well, or eating okay, or taking care of herself, or seeing anyone— those questions were off limits. Wasn’t that what they’d decided? The rules they’d laid down?

Aaron never really was good at following the rules.

“C’mon.”

Sophie lifted her head, eyes wide and round. “What?”

“C’mon,” Aaron repeated, holding his hand out for her to take. She looked between him and his outstretched palm, gaze wildly skeptical.

“Aaron. . . we talked—”

“You talked, I listened, and this—this isn’t about that. This is about ensuring all of my subordinates are in appropriate shape to adequately perform their duties.”

“Last time I checked, I perform my duties far better than adequately.”

“Sophie,” he pleads. It’s a mistake and he knows it, but she broke the rule first. She called him Aaron. Not Hotch, or Agent Hotchner. His resolve was weak enough as it was; her so easily tossing around his first name like that, when he hadn’t heard it from her in months, when he had grown so used to hearing it when she lay next to him, or, when she whispered it, breathlessly, under him. “Please just. . . humor me.”

Her icy look melted, trickling down her body as exhaustion quickly crept up on her. She didn’t take his hand, but she did stand, shuffling papers in folders and stacking them neatly on top of each other. Aaron waited patiently for her to finish tidying and wondered if he’d ever unlearn her. If he ever wanted to. Arranging papers and cleaning off the desk cleaner than he’d seen it since before it was hers—she was stalling to fully accept his offer, and he knows it’s a punishment, her not giving in. For whom, he’s not quite sure.

Finally, after ages, she turns to him. Her eyebrows raise.

Aaron simply turns on his heel, slightly tipping his head for her to follow. He leads them up the short staircase and as they cross the threshold into his office. Aaron places his briefcase down on his own desk before turning to the couch pressed against the opposite wall.

“Hotch—” So she did realize her mistake, “—really, I’m fine. This isn’t the first sleepless night and early morning I’ve had. I can manage on my own.”

Aaron doesn’t respond right away, busying himself with gathering blankets and pillows.

“Hotch.”

“I am very aware that you are perfectly capable of managing on your own. But, Soph,” Aaron can see the miniscule pinch in her brows. Small, but powerful in the painful way it tugs at him. He sighs. “Friends, right? Don’t friends. . . take care of each other?”

Aaron knows, knows all too well, that an argument boils on the tip of her tongue. But he also knows the heavy dangle of her limbs and the soft glaze of her eyes means she’s close to nearly collapsing. It’s not fair, what he’s doing. He knows that and yet. . .

He watches her study the makeshift bed he’s made for her. And then, “I suppose. . . Penelope would do the same for me, too.”

Aaron suppresses a smile. “She would.”

“She’d do more, actually. Penelope would have freshly baked cookies waiting for me, too.”

“That she would.”

“Penelope is a better friend than you are.”

Aaron hears the jest in her voice, but he doesn’t smile. “That she is,” he says, softly.

Finally, Sophie drags her feet to the couch. Without meeting his gaze, she climbs under the covers and settles in. She inhales deeply as her eyes flutter shut.

It should be studied, Aaron thinks, the mercurial rush of affection that overcomes him. He wishes he could control it. Tamper it down and bury it under the crushing weight of all the other emotions he has buried and ignored. He’s usually quite good at it, actually, with years of careful experience under his belt. Though maybe that’s the problem; he’s attempting to add to something already overflowing, and the erosion of it all has chipped his self-control down to nearly nothing.

Aaron’s surety is bone deep: he’s destined to love her until the day he dies. Even if she doesn’t want him to, even if she doesn’t love him. He’d use his dying breath to confess his overwhelming and all-consuming truth. His throat grows tight.

He’s about to turn on his heel, afraid of what he’ll do if he lingers any longer, when Sophie softly calls out to him.

“Thank you,” she tells him, her eyes opening to finally meet his again. Like an electric shock, the urge to touch her races through him. To caress her warm cheek in his palm, to cradle her face and pull it closer to his own, to press his lips to hers. Aaron feels his fingers twitch under his thinning restraint.

He allows his lips to curve in a faint smile. “Of course,” he whispers.

Aaron finally retreats. With his back to her, he swears he can feel Sophie watching him, but when he turns back as he reaches his desk, Sophie has flipped onto her side, her back facing him. It’s for the best, Aaron reminds himself. If he’d caught her eye again, the ghost of his resolve would haunt his office forever.

As the hours ticked on, the BAU bullpen slowly comes back to life. Just as eight o’clock slips by and the trickling morning light catches the ends of Sophie’s hair ablaze, a knock sounds on his door. Before Aaron gets a chance to stand and answer, the door opens and Garcia swiftly steps in.

“Good morning, sir! I sent over the background profiles you requested from the Jefferson City case—”

“Thank you, Garcia. I—”

“Also, I got that police chief in Wichita to finally send over the files on that cold case Rossi needed—”

“Garcia—”

“You wouldn’t believe the sweet talking I had to do, I mean, Morgan level—”

“Garcia!” Aaron couldn’t resist glancing at Sophie, still fast asleep.

Unfortunately, Garcia caught his slip, and she followed his gaze.

“Oh!”

Garcia looked between Aaron and Sophie, once. Then twice.

“Oh, sir,” she started, much softer than when she’d entered. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize!” Garcia began to back out of his office. “See! I saw her desk light on but I hadn’t seen her since I got in. I thought maybe she just forgot to turn it off, ya know, but then she didn’t respond to my text! Which I get now why, you know, given that she’s, you know—”

“Garcia.” She stopped at the entry way. “Let’s just— please don’t—”

She nodded rapidly and mimicked zipping her lips shut, locking them, and throwing away the key. “Of course, sir.”

Just before she closed the door, Garcia poked her head back in.

“Oh! Also, I brought leftover cookies I baked for the counseling center. They’re in the kitchen!” And the door clicked shut behind her.

“See,” Sophie mumbled, voice muffled by the pillows. “Told you.”

Aaron laughs. Maybe these new early mornings weren’t so bad after all.

[dxy-drxxm]

SYNOPSIS: Kaeya has a lot of things he enjoyed about you. Or, well, admired, to be frank.

CW/s: tooth rotting fluff, short drabble, kaeya is a hopeless SIMP (/silly), tbh he's just a silly guy who can't confess if his life depended on it (and... It did lol), can be interpreted as platonic or romantic (it's both, but it's a slow transition from platonic to romantic hehe)

NOTE: hi, this drabble is for @ryuryuryuyurboat for @ecrin-de-litterature's "kiss (don't tell)" event! I hope you enjoy a drabble of Kaeya being a hopeless simp because as much as I'd like to write a full blown date with him, I've been busy since college and I want to curl up and pass away. orz.

Kaeya never says a lot about the person he admires.

For him, the Cavalry Captain had more than enough to take care of. Maybe it was due to the job that kept him busy, or even because of how life gave him a batch of lemons that he needed to deal with.

But when it comes to certain people like who he's seen now, it made him feel as though he became but the same child when Cyrus adopted him all those years ago.

He still remembered the first time you two met—you were one of Lisa's attendants. An assistant, one could say. You're always available whenever Lisa isn't feeling the urge to check in the library, which is often, and Kaeya had decided to try and see what you're like.

Sure, you may have panicked and treated him like a stranger, but it wasn't long for you two to get close. Soon, you're treating him like you two have been friends for years, joking and laughing over certain things.

Kaeya couldn't help but smile. He always liked seeing others express joy when he couldn't.

Though, little by little, the dynamic seem to change. Others pointed out to him that you and Kaeya had been together for quite a while now, always speaking and chatting over the most mundane things.

Petty drama from the knights, Lisa's recent books and those who borrowed arriving late, the many foreigners that came about when the traveler would be busy in another region... You two had a lot to talk about, and sometimes, he didn't notice how much you two could never stop speaking of such things.

It was stupid, he's aware, but he wouldn't lie and say he didn't like it. On the contrary, he enjoyed that time being spent on something he considering to be enjoyable.

You made his days less unbearable. Like he can wake up one day and think that things will be fine.

He admired that charm from you. You make it seem so... natural.

There were even moments that the two of you shared. He remembered your first Windblume festival with him, the first time you've spent working for a year with Lisa (it was your work anniversary, he joked to you once), and even down to when you two travelled to different nations together.

He's seen it all— your highs, lows, and even the turnarounds. He's heard you rant and ramble of the nations, and yet he felt his pride raise when you'd return to Mondstadt, still calling it your home.

It was clear that you have seen that place, out of every nation, as the best. In return, he did his best keeping it safe. Although, there had been moments he would mess up.

He may act confident, but when alone, he'd feel like he's a lost child again. He loathed that feeling.

The first time you've seen him act like it was when you two spoke of each other's pasts. Kaeya has told you what happened between him and Diluc, and he could never forget the way you hugged him for hearing his voice crack.

He cares for Diluc, like how he cares for you. However, how could he say the same for his adopted brother? Would he ever do the same thing you did to him?

... Perhaps. Perhaps not, even.

Still, he couldn't help but think how much he can even handle this feeling. It's a secret he's kept that your actions made him feel like he can be free, yet he kept himself trapped by will.

He was trapped in the feeling of admiration and envy, clashing and fighting against each other. It made his heart soar and ache when things happen, both because of you and because of himself.

He felt envious of you. He wanted to say that to you, but seeing you smile got rid of that envy.

...

It was a strange conundrum. One that left him sleepless for nights on end... And that's when it clicked.

He realized that it was a form of self-sabotage.

Kaeya didn't want to ruin the relationship you two had as friends, so he kept it under lock and key. He threw the key away, denying that he felt something to you. Denying that he felt as though he loved you that way. He couldn't. He didn't even know the answer.

...

It was stupid to worry. It truly is.

But now? How could he not worry?

He's done this to himself. Even if others told him to say it, to utter those words he forbade himself from speaking, he kept his mouth shut. You two are friends, and he's far too used to admiring you and your acts from afar.

He's craved to admire someone that would make him feel this way, and he got what he asked. Although, he couldn't bring himself to hate you for charming him like that.

After all, that is what makes you you. And he doesn't want you to lose the only thing that fits you perfectly.

@.dxy-drxxm | do not republish, repost, or copy my works anywhere | 2024

[fumiku]

Hear ye hear ye!

I come bringing two Dungeon Meshi marchil fanfics to share

Enough

He got crumbs of it in moments, here and there, and it would be more than enough to last the winter. Chil knew how to live on little, with only what he could afford. But love? Love he had had enough of for a lifetime.

I'll start with the shorter one that I wrote first, a quick Chilchuck POV 1.3k words oneshot that's bittersweet if not just plainly sad. It’s about repressing a crush essentially, but the marchil is mostly a front for a character study about Chilchuck’s complex feelings on his marital situation and love in general. I’ve been told many times in comments that even without shipping marchil it was enjoyable, so give it a shot if that sounds interesting!

He soaked her in, like hard bread softening in broth.

Grind Me Down Sweetly

Even years after their journey into the dungeon, Marcille wasn’t quite over her existential dread over short lifespans… And it showed. Every other day, she came by to Chilchuck’s locksmith shop with a shocking lack of locks to smith.

Coffeeshop au except it’s not an au and there’s no coffeeshop. This one is a long oneshot of 17k words, and contains flashbacks that are meant to loosely span over a year. This fic can pretty much be entirely read as platonic. They’re just close friends but they give married energy is all. Slice of life and cozy with a side of banter & tsundere behavior, and existential dread hurt/comfort as the cherry on the sundae. It contains some classic Dungeon Meshi things like storytelling through cooking and sharing meals~ If you like the Marcille and Chilchuck dynamic in canon, this is pretty much just a bunch of that, shenanigans abound!

She clung to her friends like time was always running out.

Blonde hair is the epitome of beauty to him meanwhile his greying hair brings her existential despair. I am composed and collected about this

"I am going to chase you out with a broom"

Some related-ish memes I made!

Extra author notes and marchil rambling under cut

With how chil is so irritable and private about romance and his feelings it makes sense that their romance would have passive-agressive energy. Are they just friends or pining? Oh wouldn’t you like to know. Are they just lightheartedly bantering or is he legitimately pissed or are they blinking in morse code their true feelings at each other? Yes

My post-canon timeline is Chilchuck lives a nice life living alone in his house-shop except his friends all visit him and care, and even though he likes living alone it’s also bittersweet and every corner of his life is haunted by the ones he loves and loved and the moments he had with them. That’s it that’s all I want… (mostly the nice life part lol)

My marchil manifesto is that she grows on him stubbornly like fungal yeast and it brings out his flavor like beer <3 Because she stubbornly puts her nose everywhere and refuses to give up on getting closer to her friends and it makes him open up and repress his feelings less and aaaa <33 Obligatory shout out to the dunmeshi discord serv for engaging with my rambles

For someone who dislikes alcohol I’m having so much fun working beer metaphors and stuff into the writing, Chilchuck has all the fun motifs to play with fr... Traps, lockpicking, married life, work, destitution, starvation, rejection, repression, opening urself up to the world. Give me the most domestic fluff and give it a subtle foundation of angst and hurt comfort 👌

And I do think that Marcille takes a particular interest in Chilchuck especially because he’s so set on being a closed book as well. Yeah she def is like 👀 at him. Aaah the way she wants to meet his family so bad 😭💕 I think she romanticizes him & his family life/idealizes him as a virtuous husband a lot too. Like how she tends to think of things in a more flowery story-like way.

I do compare him to bread and her to soup in that he soaks up in her warm vibes and softens up. Which has become a personal favorite. He was bread, she was soup, can I make it any more obvious /lyr Soggy bread Chilchuck is so funny to me. Like, you know that rock solid bread but then you soak it in soup and then it just becomes the softest crumbliest thing. I think Chilchuck is a really hard bread that will break your teeth if you don’t put him in some soup beforehand. Or wine. I wracked my brain a lot about what food Chil would like (because his Adventurer’s Bible profile just says he love alcohol and hates sweet dishes rip) and I end up giving him a bread motif a lot, since it pairs well with alcohol and whatnot.

With marchil I either do unrequited angst because Chilchuck will NOT allow himself to feel, or the most domestic fluffy shit ever but in a mostly platonic dimension because once again -gestures at Chilchuck- But in a true Marcille "If I was Chilchuck’s wife" Donato fashion she manages to get her nose into the most stubborn’s people stuff like a barnacle and it’s. So married people coded anyways. They’re a lil messed up but it’s ok they’ll iron out those bumps. Ironing because they are gonna do the most domestic chores together 🔥🔥 MARRIEDCORE I TELL YOU I should get around to making more fics and more different vibes though, I already have a bunch of prompts written down~

Even more rambling and headcanons!!

I hc that when he gets his shop all his living quarters are half-foot sized so whenever the party comes to visit they suffer sitting down at the dinner table and whatnot

There’s a very specific horror in not being able to grow old with your loved one… It’s gotta be rough being in a relationship where you don’t mature at the same speed/rate. It must be so heartbreaking to turn around and your lover suddenly looks 70 while you’re still like 26 Chilchuck living until he lives with either Meijack or Flertom or at the castle and spends his days grumbling about people being even more incompetent than they used to be real. He can live longer than 50 🙏 come on peepaw you can make it to 70. He’s got so many friends ready to nurse him, prob while he complains about it. This is why I find elderly half-foots a funny mental picture. For a while I wondered if half-foots aged visually much at all in the traditional sense, and then I remembered these.

In my post-canon headcanons I’ve adopted the idea that Marcille doesn’t do her hair, it’s always someone else making her hairdos like an attendant or Kabru and like maybe Falin learns. In the "it takes a village to raise someone" community mutual aid energy… And the rare times where the task befalls Chilchuck he learns how to put it in a single braid (even if it’s so much hair for him to hold in his small hands all at once rip) because the one time he braided it in two in canon it reminded him of Meijack and gave him psychic damage. WHICH. Ohhh my god you have no idea how much I care about Chilchuck’s daughters now. After writing the first half of Grind Me Down Sweetly I am forever changed I know them all by name and know everything there is to know about them, I am making so many headcanons every day… Meijack wears thigh-high boots because she hates when sand, dirt or snow gets in her shoes- I have fanart coming up of them over at @fuumiku and I’d love making fics centered around them as well eventually yippee The angst of old senile Chilchuck still tying marcille's hair... Old senile chilchuck confusing marcille for one of his daughters… "Have you gotten taller? Oh how much you’ve grown" -breaking his neck looking up at her- I want Chilchuck to get the top notch elder treatment.

Ok this is the alcoholism tangent. I really want to believe Chilchuck can be super old, but… Realistically he’s gonna drink himself to an early grave, he’s a work hard play hard kinda guy.

Marcille would be horrified if she knew the extent of it fr fr, but I do think it’d drive a wedge between them if she tried getting him to lay off of it… If he’s open to it though that’d be so nice and sweet. Hey hey btw did you know, Chilchuck is canonically underweight due to extremely strict dieting and alcohol can act as a good hunger suppressant! Lots of issues to dig into here It’d be cute if his daughters visit him often and collectively keep tabs on him in a caring way. It’s less cute actually beinh the daughter and having to deal with it but- CHILCHUCK IS WORTH IT okay!!! Where’s that meme of "You can fix him? So is 5 other people y’all look like a construction crew" bc this increasingly looks like ‘Marcille Senshi Laios Izutsumi and his family make sure he doesn’t poison himself like a dog with chocolate’ mission.

Truly for some people reason just flies out the window when it comes to alcohol, coherence gives way to excuses. He reminds of someone I know who got a grave disease that’s worsened by alcohol and just. Continues to take it regularly. You know that thing that’s said where "an alcoholic parent will have 2 kids, one will grow to be alcoholic too while the other will never touch a drop of alcohol" and Chilchuck is def the first I think. He gives the vibe that he’d say "An alcoholic parent puts a strain on familial relationships?? Pshh, my father was and look at me! I turned out great!". I don’t think Chil could really get shaken out of it at this point tbh, seems very ingrained in him, would prob fight it back. I relate with my own familial situation ughh. Maybe if he realized how it hurt the people around him and not only himself though…. I’d def like to see him ease up on it. Drinking is often a social activity though. That gives me hope, especially with the whole dunmeshi lesson of sharing meals, that he might be able to/have recontextualized how or when he likes to take alcohol, that alcohol is better when you have others with you and you’re still able to talk and whatnot. Chilchuck says that he’s pretty picky with alcohol tho, like he has specific tastes or a high bar. Laios can ban good beer in the kingdom and then Chilchuck just stops because it all tastes awful and he’s not rich enough to import. The brewery he likes mysteriously burns down in a fireball incident one night. Marcille risks prison for her loved ones part 2, now with diplomatic immunity! ✨

I have hcs about Chil’s family dynamic, about his daughters and how alcoholism or workaholism may have affected everyone (not me inferring that Puckpatti being the most idealistic and optimistic from Chil’s daughters is probably a result from her being the youngest and perhaps Chil being the most often at work during that time and so she was mostly raised by her mother without much involvement from him). That’s a topic for another day though, for now I leave you all with thoughts of Flertom painting flowers on a shitty ceramic mug when she was 3 and Chil begrudgingly asking Marcille advice on picking a birthday gift for Puckpatti :) Oh yeah, because if we look at the timeline in The Adventurer’s Bible and combine it with when Chilchuck said that "Due to certain circumstances he hasn’t seen his wife or daughters in years" in the Senshi backstory chapter, besides letters with Flertom he has seemingly not seen them in 4 years. 4 YEARS. Thank god dungeons disappeared, it took that much for him to retire

[whiskeynwriting]

hi there liv! 💞

firstly, as i’m sending this to you you’re currently sick and have been for a while, and it makes me sad seeing you not feeling your best :( wishing you a speedy and thorough recovery! 💌

second, i wanted to request a reader-specific piece. i know you’re super busy with all of the other wonderful things you’re creating, so as always take all the time you need <3 i’d like to request one about crying during sex. personally, it’s never the case that i’m upset or in pain or anything of the like - it just feels like a bodily function i can’t suppress. whether sex is rough or gentle, and even when i’m by myself, i do it regardless. and it’s like full-on crying - tears, sniffles, the works lol. i’ve tried to fight it but it doesn’t end up working and makes the experience less enjoyable because i don’t feel like i’m able to let go completely. it can understandably concern some people who aren’t warned beforehand, so i’d like to request something where the partner is aware of what will happen and that it’s not anything that they’re doing wrong (to be completely honest i actually cry more the better it feels lol!) it’d warm my heart to read about a partner who isn’t fazed by it but doesn’t necessarily ignore it either if that makes sense. you could even write about a partner who possibly has a kink for it lol! recently i’ve been fixated on joel miller and marcus pike, but any pedro boy will do! <3

whew sorry for the oversharing haha :/ i hope you have fun creating something for this! and again that you feel better soon 🫶💓 ily

Thank you so much for your kind words love, I appreciate you ♥️

Reader-Specific Writing: Tears

Joel Miller x Female Reader

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Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI) please read these warnings thoroughly, as there may be triggering aspects written here.

Brief mentions of insecurity, established relationship, dirty talk, praise kink, dacryphilia, unprotected vaginal sex, established relationship, aftercare and fluffies

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A/N: I am returning to my reader-specific pieces! I never really left them, just got crazy busy toward the end of last year. But now they’re back in full swing, and so are my general requests (: enjoy bbs

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There were many faces Joel offered to the world, most of them unkind. Your lover was a mean man; he was rugged by nature, stubborn and rough. And he was good at getting what he wanted because of this. He was resourceful and knew how to think on his feet, to make calculated moves in a quick manner. And these traits weren’t suppressed when it came to you. Most of them, anyway. While the world knew Joel Miller as an intense and intimidating man, you knew him as a kind one. Kind and gentle and warm. He could relax around you. 

When it came to you, things were different. It was easy to see how much you liked it when he was gentle. And gentle, could he be.

“That’s so good, honey.” He’s holding your hip, but only with one hand. The other is wrapped around your chest, palm settling on your shoulder. Leaning in, he brushes his forehead against the back of your neck, nuzzling into you. And he moans when he does it, his lids closing peacefully. 

Joel’s naked body is currently surrounding your own, the hot skin of his chest pressing against your back. The covers are drawn up to your hips, shifting slightly with each of his thrusts. And with your knees bent just a bit, you allow him in easily, hands holding onto his forearms as he moves against you. Your backside is slotted perfectly against his pelvis, your skin connecting every time he slides back in. 

Feeling Joel’s body like this was always an intimate experience. His soft lips trailing down your neck, the scruff scattering his cheeks and jawline ticking your skin. And he always holds you so sweetly, those strong arms wrapping around your body. 

Tonight, it started from a look. He’d gotten back from a patrol, tired and in need of rest. What he really needed was sleep, but when he saw you, his mind changed. You were in the kitchen, the radio on and playing a quiet tune. The past few days had been stressful. He did his best to provide for you; for the most part, he didn’t want you going outside of the house, and especially not on patrols. So, when he came home, he was always happy. Not just to see you but to find you safe and cheerful. It makes him feel like he’s done his job.

“You scared me.” Came your small giggle, feeling Joel’s arms wrap around you from behind.

A small, muted grunt was his response, lips gentle as they found your neck. But then he speaks. 

“What’re you up to, honey?” He was caressing your sides, squeezing your hips every now and then. And it would have been a sweet and innocent moment if you weren’t wearing a pair of boy shorts and one of his shirts. 

“Trying to make some food.” Your voice was sweet, and it urged him to relax against your body. “We don’t have much.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Tilting his chin down, he kisses your shoulder. His shirt was so big on you, it slid onto your upper bicep a bit. “I’ll get some soon, okay?” 

You only nodded, asking him, “How was today?”

“Rough.” That deep voice made you shiver, along with the slow movements of his hands. Trailing down, they cover your backside, fingers reveling in how soft it is. And then he mumbles into your ear, “Better, now.” 

One of his favorite ways to relax at the end of the day was holding you, being close to you. It made his mind calm, made the wild storm inside his head dull to quiet, soothing waves. And at this point in time, he could feel you were tense, stressed about your current situation. You hadn’t adapted as easily as him. And this new world hardened you, much like it did him. 

So, he took you to bed, holding you from behind while you snuggled into him. His hand roamed beneath your shirt, finding the bare skin of your hip, and traveling further. He cupped your breasts, massaging them both while his breathing steadied behind you. It wasn’t long before he was pulling down your underwear, keeping them looped around your lower thighs while he rubbed his steadily rising erection against you. 

“Mm,” A small gasp escapes your lips, mouth opening as you moan. 

His thrusts are deep and slow, dragging against your walls. And he can feel you starting to relax, the muscles in your body loosening. Finally, he thinks. You’re letting go - he knows what’s coming. And he wants it. 

Reaching down, he removes your underwear fully, wanting you to be comfortable. But he keeps your shirt on, pulling it up enough to press his chest flush against your skin. 

“Let go for me, baby.” He’s breathing against your ear, that southern accent making your body shiver. “C’mon, I know you want to, honey. Let me do this for you.” 

It’s your tell, your physical reaction to his body. And you’ve done it before with other partners in the past but no one has ever made you feel as safe as him. Before, you’d release tears. But with Joel, you’re sobbing. 

“Baby,” Your voice breaks, your quiet wail forcing a smile to crack across his face. 

Rocking back against his body, you gasp, unable to suppress this all too natural feeling. Leaning forward, Joel cranes his neck to view the side of your face. And that’s when he sees the droplets rolling down, a profound groan emanating from his chest. 

Tenderly, he pushes you forward so you’re on your stomach, his sturdy body pressing you down into the bed. He keeps his chest against your back, pelvis rolling down against your ass. It’s passionate and heated, his moans becoming much more prevalent. 

The pleasure is so overwhelming that you can’t stop the flow of it, the wetness rolling down your cheeks. And what makes it even better is that you feel safe enough with Joel to do it, to truly let go and allow your body to experience this fully. And Joel loves to see it, fucking revels in it. Before you, if a partner of his cried in bed, he’d be mortified. He’d assume he did something wrong, of course, and worry would plague him. But he knows you well enough to know that isn’t the case. At this point, he’d be worried if you didn’t cry. Just like when he came home to find you happy and carefree, it makes him feel like he’s done his job, and done it well. 

“J-Joel,” Gasping, you let go of his forearm to fist the sheets, the hand still on his arm clinging tightly to him. “Joel.”

“Oh Jesus, baby,” The thick girth of him continues to split you open, aided by the wetness of your arousal. You’re so wet that it’s leaking down your thighs and onto the fronts of his, and he loves the feeling of it. Another physical tell of your attraction to him. “Look at those pretty tears…” 

Looking down, he can see the pillows growing dark and damp from the constant flow, your sniffles sounding so sweet and cute beneath him.

“You sweet little girl… you feel good, honey? Does it feel good?” Leaning in, he nuzzles his face into the side of your neck, his mouth and scruff tickling your ear. 

“Yes,” Nodding rapidly, you cry out for him. “Yesyesyes.”

Gently, you rock back against him, moving in sync with his motions. The way your body moves makes him groan, his lips lowering to find your shoulder. His sweet kisses quickly turn into soft nips and sucks, littering your skin with marks of his love. 

“Oh, baby.” He breathes, pulling out of you in one slide. “C’mere.”

Easily, he flips you over, immediately diving between your legs. Within seconds, he’s returning to your warmth, a broad hand lifting to cup your face. Leaning in, those plush lips find your cheek, kissing the wet trail of your tears. It’s fervent and hurried, planting quick kisses all over your face. And it makes you whine quietly, weeping beneath his overt affection and genuine love. 

“My sweet baby,” Joel murmurs, continuing to kiss the salty drops. His deep voice sends a shiver through your body, your hands sliding up his chest, over his shoulders, and along the column of his neck, until your fingers tangle into his graying hair. 

Joel bounces his hips forward and back, mouth sliding down to your neck. His chest presses to your own, the firmness of his a contrast to your soft curves. 

“I love you.” Inhaling a sharp and deep breath, you release it with a quiet cry. 

“I love you, baby.” Your lover returns, his words spoken genuinely. “I always have, always will.” 

The wetness from your eyes continues to spill over your cheeks, your nails scraping across Joel’s scalp while tangling your fingers into his hair. 

“But honey,” He then says, that rugged voice now gasping and grunting beside your ear. “I need somethin’ from you.”

“Baby?” You ask, turning to rub the point of your nose over his cheek. “What? What do you need?”

“I need you to cum for me.” 

“Mm.” Tossing your head back, you release a passionate whine, his words sending a powerful wave throughout your body. 

“Oh, I need it.” Joel gasps, moaning for you. “I need it so bad, wanna feel it, baby. Can you do that for me?” Looking up at your pretty face, he uses his thumb to wipe away your fresh tears. “I know you can.”

“Baby, more.” Comes your quiet beg, reaching out for him. “Deeper, please.”

Joel’s lips part with a groan, his face diving down to the crook of your neck, but not before dragging his lips across the apple of your cheek. He rests more of his body weight against you, his hips driving forward at a much firmer pace. It’s diving inside you, the thickness of him, his tip pulsing against the spot you’d been begging him to reach. And he knows when he’s hit it, because your legs are wrapping around him, your body is shaking beneath him. 

“J-Joel,”

“You’re okay,” He coos, kissing your neck. “I’m here, I’ve got you.” 

Within the warm cocoon of Joel’s arms, your body finds its release. Arching your back, you cling to him, the wetness of your emotions rolling down your skin. It falls to your neck, allowing Joel’s tongue to swipe them away, offering small kitten licks while he fucks you through your high. 

It takes over your body, your throat going dry from the sounds you release. And he only allows himself the same pleasure when you’re nearing the end of yours, when your hips are no longer rutting up against his, when your eyes open to look lovingly at him. That’s it, it’s the pretty look, that look that’s so sweet and welcoming. He lifts his head intentionally, searching for this cue. And when you give it to him, he’s crashing his lips down to you. 

Now, it’s your turn to hold him, to feel the stuttering jerks of his hips between your legs. You keep your thighs wrapped around his waist, holding his face and kissing him through it. His forceful groans vibrate to the back of your throat, his hot breath fanning over your mouth and face. And it makes you feel whole, seeing him like this, being one with him like this. 

“Sweetheart,” When Joel speaks to you like this, just after he’s spilled inside you, he’s always so soft. His voice sounds light and airy; peaceful, almost. “My baby…” 

Curling his hand beneath your head, he holds you, giving you one last, firm kiss. And then his face is by your neck again, each of you cuddling into the other’s embrace. Sex with Joel was always like this, so intimate and passionate - spiritual. You felt like you were meant to find him.  

“You’re such a sweet girl for me.” He praises, kissing the exposed skin on your shoulder. When he realizes you’re still wearing his shirt, he grins. 

“Only because you’re so gentle with me.” Your reply is soft, muffled slightly as you kiss his head. 

You don’t have much, but it’s the best there is to offer. You’re only allowed to wash your clothes maybe twice a month, and still, he cleans you with a rag whenever he’s finished taking you. He wets it lightly and refuses to let you do it. And before you go to the bathroom, he insists you sit long enough for him to get you some water, too. After all, you do lose a small bit of fluid throughout the entire ordeal. It’s not much, but it’s the best he can do for you. And Joel’s best is more than enough. 

By the time you’re back in bed, the day has grown late, the outside world lit dimly by dusk. Joel is already beneath the covers snoring, but when you crawl in beside him, he wakes just enough to scooch closer to you. Facing him, you nuzzle into his chest, now completely naked. You wanted to feel his warmth. And in his sleepy state, Joel wraps both arms around you, making sure the covers are over both your body and his. Just before drifting off again, he kisses your head, mumbling sweet nothings to you. Most of the time, they don’t make any sense. But they make you smile, nonetheless. Joel worries daily about whether or not he’s done his job with you. Whether or not you’re safe, whether or not you feel happy and cared for. The word precious isn’t delicate enough to describe you, it doesn’t sound important enough to describe you. All he knows for sure is that you’re his. Despite witnessing each and every one of his flaws, you’ve accepted and chosen him. Him. And he’ll spend the rest of his life making sure that was the right choice.

[egg-emperor]

Game canon Eggman is pure evil y'all, rest assured to my fellow evil Eggman enjoyers. He's never acted for any reason that wasn't fueled by his evil/selfish intentions. I've carefully analyzed him in all of his scenes for hours and hours for years and years. I don't need to theorize, speculate, or insist on personal interpretations to get to this conclusion because I specifically go by what the games tell and show me undeniably.

I analyze very literally, not abstract or based on how I feel about it, only literally what I can see and hear. I feel this avoids a lot of unnecessary confusion and complication and it can actually be this way and yet still have a lot of depth to it to explore despite this. I don't see appeal in straying too far with the what ifs rather than the literals that are deliberately blatantly presented because the former is when bias can seep in.

But I know some probably think, "If you think I'm biased because I don't like pure evil Eggman so I don't want to see him as such, why aren't you biased for not liking less than pure evil Eggman? What if you're just seeing what you want to see?" But with the way I only go by what's blatantly there to see and hear in the games themselves in bold explicit forms, I feel I avoid any chance of bias.

I don't like to admit this but when I was younger, I had some incorrect interpretations about Eggman. Yes, even me. XD I never thought he was this completely good and caring guy but I definitely didn't have the most accurate understanding of who he was, how he'd act in certain situations, and what he is or isn't likely to say or do. A lot of my own personal biases at the time were to blame.

Years of heavy studying and analysis got me to where I am now. And I realized he said or did the exact opposite in the games to what I thought he'd do or wrote in my silly private fanfics back then. So I started to look at him neutral and unbiased, without expecting or wanting anything specific and letting it influence my perception. Only exactly what I could hear him say and see him do instead.

I rebuilt my understanding into what it is now and ever since, it has stayed completely consistent. Every new piece of media just reaffirms it or gives me new stuff to add that tracks and doesn't contradict the old in the slightest. I'm still having new revelations, discoveries and eyes opened to new things about him but they only further prove, develop, and strengthen my understanding now.

This was all done by me just shutting off these biased parts of my mind and letting the game canon show me who he was, not by my own personal desires and influences. Then I realized I was such a big fan of what I understood him to be, all of my desires turned into loving game canon Eggman for exactly who he was and wanting him to stay the funny pure evil bastard he is. And he does! 💜

But yeah because of that, even though my old perception years ago certainly wasn't the same level as those that spread misinformation of him being way nicer, softer, and morally good than he is in the games, I know what it's like for bias to influence me in some ways. And those little things I believed then are far different from what I know now, so this isn't an example of me being biased lol

I'm very happy that I came to fully recognize, embrace, and appreciate his funny but very much pure evil self! And one of the main goals of my blog besides expressing my passion, is to help people learn more about him and understand him too because I swear, your enjoyment and appreciation of him can grow so much stronger when you do. I love when I'm told I've helped with that!

But if you really don't like that he's pure evil because it makes you uncomfortable, that's fine. But there's a difference between not wanting to see it because you don't like it and what happens in the games. And if you don't like game canon Eggman like that, I have a lot of respect for you if you admit that and just do something different in your fan stuff, without claiming it to be fact.

But game canon Eggman canonically being a funny silly but very evil and threatening bastard man personally fills me with immense joy and it's why I adore him so much. It's endless fun and entertainment! 🥰💜

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

You know this isn't even going to be a deep and thoughtful ask like all the previous asks, but I just need to chime in and say that every time I think about mangahood Ishval, I just know that shortly after the end of the manga there will be an Ishvalan War of Independence type event.

Like to me that was the only I could reconcile the ending of the manga/09 anime; and while fmab is the Elric Brothers' story (well really it's actually Ed's story and Al is also there because we all saw 03 and know what the real Elric Brothers' story looks like), my mind keeps straying towards Ishval and I just have this gut feeling that there will be another war because I cannot see a future where Ishval will ever be fully incorporated into Amestris without More Violence. They really are so ethnically, religiously, and surely even linguistically different + the painful history between them that a true union will never be possible

And Miles/Scar shippers this is when we rise up and pray that Mr Copaganda's third eye opens🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I'm SO sorry because I know you're an 03 enjoyer and consequently think less about the political landscape in 09's Amestris (good for you btw; I am not happy being stuck here and honestly desperately need to rewatch 03), but it genuinely baffles me how people fail to make a connection with Amestris' fifty billion border conflicts + Ishval = Amestris' is the local Imperialist

Speaking as a Briggs enjoyer, I just have to sit there and shut my eyes when they talk about how it's sooo important to stand strong against Drachma because every evidence points to Amestris being the instigator fhsjhdjd

Add to that Amestris' border wars with Aerugo (who supplies Ishval with weapons for seven years as a means of conducting a proxy war) and their skirmishes with Creta and the outright genocide they committed in Ishval and the only conclusion I can draw from this is that Amestris is at fault every single time, which makes it very difficult to sympathise with sad war criminals when they serve a country that's harassing no less than four nations😭😭😭

I love Scar's brother, I do, but his whack optimism in the face of annexation and imperialism is exactly why you can't just study STEM without at least taking a few classes in world history and ethics dhsndhns

Scar meanwhile was the star student in AP Religious Studies, and one can only assume history as well based on clergymen's traditional role as record-keepers, and that's why he was able to correctly assess his people's situation and went after state alchemists - Amestris may have denied him the chance to get a Master's degree in theology, but they'll never take away his critical thinking skills and Bachelor's in History😤

(They didn't have to because Arakawa did that for them😭😭😭 I literally just ignore the second half of his arc in mangahood and just world-building Ishval in my head as a form of copium because nobody else in this fandom will provide😔 I've actually seen more people draw half-Ishvalan Elric Brothers to avoid handling full Ishvalan Scar the way he is presented at the start of the series😑)

Anyway, I do apologise for rambling!!!! And thank you again for all your thoughtful responses to my asks🙏🏻

Ramble away my friend! I'm no better at restraining myself lol. Sorry for the wait in replying to yet another excellent ask tho. 🙇‍♂️

The political landscape in mangahood is a major reason why I don't fuck with this side of the series. (Not the only reason, but a damn big one.) That being said, it's fun to actually dissect it and mull things over with folks who can actually look at mangahood with a truly critical eye. So no worries, no worries, I'm enjoying this ask!

--

An Ishval War of Independence is damn near inevitable, agreed. The ending for Ishval is just straight-up terrible, but like so many aspects of mangahood's epilogue it's sold as if it's a satisfying conclusion to such a weighty issue. The Amestrian military being fully invested in rebuilding Ishval should have sent alarm bells off in everyone's heads, but no no, the military is its own protagonist and we ought to see this as a character making reparations. It's totally not a soft-takeover of Ishval and total colonization if the heads of this project are a pair of Ishvalans, right? /s

There's no way that the state overreach, the acquisition of wealth generated in the rebuild that siphons to the military itself (let alone investments made on a burgeoning economy they're set to rig), and the establishment of the rule of law that will certainly carry Amestrian standards and codes won't tip off returning Ishvalans that this is just another form of occupation. If autonomous Ishvalan councils or looser associations of Ishvalans outright reject the military's aid or presence, what do we realistically think will happen from there? Having a pair of tokenized countrymen doesn't smooth over tensions as well as imperial-colonial forces often think it does. And there's no way Amestris just up and leaves on command of the people it's imposing itself onto.

Ishval should have been released from Amestris' grasp entirely. Funds and resources could have been sent in as part of a reconciliatory effort sans military/state presence, so that the Ishvalans have what they need to rebuild at their own behest. Amestris should have no say or active participation whatsoever.

And it will never not be completely out of character for Scar to agree to act as a liaison between the Amestrian military and the Ishvalans. That shit makes no damn sense. He already did too much for Amestris, all so that the same core (human) imperial governance can remain. (Amestris certainly wasn't ending any other occupations or breaking apart as an entity to allow autonomy of the lands it coalesced into one over its ~400 years of development.)

I like to think that it would take one moment for Scar to snap out of his bootlicker phase, and it would be finally witnessing a fully sighted-Mustang. He would just have to ask Marcoh, whom I have no doubt would stupidly and callously reveal how the future leader was healed. And he'd go rogue once more, though I would imagine with greater tact and in coalition with a rising Ishvalan liberation front. He could feign his continued obeisance to Amestris, act as diplomat, and feed that intelligence back to Ishvalan networks.

Something will break the faux peace eventually, such as actions that are seemingly sporadic rising in frequency against the state. Miles would either catch on by his own observations or be given the opportunity to finally align with his people. As much as I see him attempting to report back to the Armstrongs (since he's much too loyal to them, plus they're definitely a benefactor of this military rebuild; their lineage's wealth derives from a military nobility and philanthropy is no less colonial and financially sound). But I leave it to you Miles/Scar shippers to sort that man out how y'all see fit. 🫡 May the power of back blowouts cleanse the nationalism from his heart

"[B]ut it genuinely baffles me how people fail to make a connection with Amestris' fifty billion border conflicts + Ishval = Amestris is the local imperialist," it's incredible, isn't it? We're even discouraged from making the extremely obvious connection in canon. The show will literally reveal the creation of Amestris from a tiny central point that slowly radiated outwards into its present circular formation and no one sits there thinking "Hold up. How did we accrue all of this land? Who were the people living here before becoming amalgamated into the burgeoning quadrants of this nation? How many Ishvals did it take to make our 'glorious' country?" The characters don't think it and neither do the fans lol. I recall Ed early on musing how bloody conflicts have been consistent since Bradley came into power and like. I can see a lull in war campaigns and skirmishes while the state and Father were grooming new viable candidates for the Wrath stone, but really Ed? Do you think this is a disturbing new phenomenon in Amestris' sordid history? Really?

Amestris' major neighbours do make me wonder though. Given their geographic sizes, I have my doubts that they aren't any less imperialist. (Given how this region of the world is broadly Europe-inspired, and much of Europe is a collection of colonial-imperial forces.) Drachma especially, given its enormity. Which isn't to say that Amestris would be any less antagonistic towards them and wouldn't expand its borders into Drachma territory if Father et al thought it useful. Of course expansionism would need to be roughly radial as its always been, so that necessitates further incursions into Aerugo, Creta, and the seeming no man's land that is the entire desert to the East. (Would Xing see such a land grab as a power play in their direction? Perhaps.)

Even without attempting to swallow hunks of land and people from Drachma, Creta, and Aerugo, continually agitating them for those blood seals is part of the game. So yeah, Amestris is the core instigator in so much bloodshed that leaving it mostly intact and with a change in military governance doesn't bode well for anyone. Let alone feeling any sympathy for soldiers and war criminals in the Amestrian military for willingly getting involved. Again, the Ishvalans and all other occupied peoples will quickly catch-on to this false start to a "better, reformed" nation.

People can say what they will about the Sacred Star of Milos, but I did like its portrayal of both Amestris and Creta vying for Milosian land, and how both imperial powers shunt the Indigenous peoples into the bottom of the canyons that make up the land. It hints that no, imperialism does not stem from homunculi usurping the rule of a nation (can't usurp what a homunculus created to begin with, but mangahood seems to forget this key fact). Human beings create societal systems that are the bedrock for empire building. Creta, Aerugo, Drachma, hell Xing aren't massive nations run by homunculi who want to become gods. They're governed by people who wish to maintain and expand their own power. Aerugo waging proxy wars with Amestris by supplying the Ishvalans with weaponry while denying Ishvalans escaping the massacre refuge shows that Amestris isn't the only bastard empire who use entire peoples like disposable pawns.

But I digress. Certainly hearing Olivier bloviate about the significance of Briggs to protect Amestris is yawn-inducing. Just a nationalist from a wealthy military family who sees Amestrian power and aggression as a proud way of life. No doubt the Briggs platoon sees Drachma as an evil invader without any self-awareness. Even if it's imperial nation vs imperial nation, I'm not shedding tears for the Amestrian side lol (and both can burn lolol)

Oh Scar Bro, why did they make you a bastion of bizarrely positive vibes while gunfire, fire, and bombs rained down on your long occupied people? "Whack positivity" lmfao real, real. I get different people handle atrocities in their own ways, but ???? Guess having cracked the code on why Amestris is arranged the way it was, and having developed the insignias for wielding alchemy that is in-tune with the planet's energy made him extra jazzed that everyone could be free.

Still comes across as a metatextual rebuttal to Scar's pain and fury.

(I like Scar Bro too, rest assured.)

That's a good point regarding Scar's academic/clergical background. He would no doubt be an excellent student/bearer of knowledge, likely learned in numerous subjects given his years of monkhood. When not training his fighting skills or body, he had to have been studying not only Ishvalan theology but the culture, its history, politics, and the natural sciences. His background in the clergy would make him quite the asset for restoring lost documents, life ways, knowledge, and passing down these lessons to future generations. He'd absolutely lend himself to the more back-breaking labour too, because this man would work himself to the bone for others.

Amestris may have denied him the chance to get a Master's degree in theology, but they'll never take away his critical thinking skills and Bachelor's in History😤

(They didn't have to because Arakawa did that for them😭😭😭

hsgvskehdhxbdndkslmfaooooo 💀💀💀 Yeah, I uh. I too wanna ignore what Arakawa and friends do with mangahood Scar's arc because that shit suckssssssssss. Our babygirl is too smart to cowtow to so much pro-Amestris nonsense. Love your tactic of focusing instead on world building Ishval, especially without centering the goddamned Elrics in all of it. I really find that drive to side-step the racism and racial privilege they have in canon by making them mixed Ishvalan just so distasteful. They won't address especially Ed's canon racism but they'll pretend like he too suffers like the Ishvalans in their fanworks. Making some Ishvalan ocs would be preferable, if focusing on Scar and other canon Ishvalans is apparently too high an ask for these fans. 🙄

(Have you seen some folks theorize Riza to have some distant Ishvalan heritage, just because her eyes are a bit ruddy in colour? Sounds like another attempt at imbuing the pain of an ethnic minority into the racial majority characters without actually engaging with these topics whatsoever. Also reeks of "How juicy would it be if the genocider was genociding their own people," which is 😒)

Anyway, Scar would absolutely turncoat on Amestris and aid in Ishvalan liberation, but this time fully embraced by his people and without having to be the sole bearer of direct violence too.

[sehtoast]

Is it me or not many people simp for Homelander compared to other villains? It’s like people can’t say they find him hot without getting jumped and i just don’t understand why? There’re villains who have done way worse and people still like them so why is it any different with Homelander, he is literally fictional and never harmed anyone in real life. What do you think is the reason?

Prepare yourself. This is gonna be a long one lol:

For what it’s worth, I feel like a lot more people do simp for him than are open about it for exactly what you just said. I’ve rarely seen fandoms respond to people liking a character the way people jump at us for liking Homelander.  The amount of hate mail I've received and seen others get and the genuinely FOUL things that have been said are just absolutely crazy. Like I’ve seen less kickback for people simping for real-world mass shooters and serial killers than I have for fans of Homie, which is WILD but yeah!!

I think it’s because Kripke decided to make him a Trump allegory that makes people so quick to jump us over it honestly. I feel like if he wasn’t, a LOT more people would openly like him too. 

More below the cut:

90% of the criticisms I see toward Homie fans is “he’s LITCHERALLY TRUMP” and/or something about Stormfront.  Some people go the “he’s a r*pist” route, which, sure, valid, but then this is not the same energy a lot of fans of r*pist characters have gotten.  I remember with shows like GoT, where characters could be any number of awful things (including r*pists), there wasn’t necessarily as much vilification of people for liking those characters, and, even though I didn’t watch much of the show, I know daaaaamn well we got some qualifiers in there.  That’s just an example, and there’s certainly others that prove the point. Soldier Boy was downright HORRIBLE to the women he was around, but we barely see criticism there and it's pretty heavily implied he's ignored consent many times in his own time given the way he treats women - plus we know he s*xually abused Gunpowder. Anyway, if that energy isn’t being directed in nearly the same capacity there or elsewhere, then it’s primarily likely to be either reason one or two, and I definitely would put my money on number one.  And like, being a Homelander enjoyer has not made me a Trump enjoyer. In fact, I have a pretty visceral reaction of disgust every time I see that rat bitch on the news lmao.  

Being a Homelander simp certainly does not mean we approve of his every act, but media morality police think this is not the case. I think a lot of people– and this was 100% exacerbated during covid shutdowns imo– have started to see media consumption as a form of morality and feel as though your enjoyment of something is a perfect spreadsheet of who you are as a person.  I mean, there have always been people like this, but it’s gotten worse and significantly more annoying in recent years.  I think the death of media literacy is also contributing heavily here because there being a lack of critical thinking associated with media consumption has so many people painting everything in a purely black and white context. Like this is good, this is bad, there is no middle ground in which people can consume this or appreciate that without it being a moral violation.  Which is… increasingly concerning lol.   

All media has problematic elements somewhere/somehow, and basically all characters do as well.  However, very few have the director jerking off and going “i’m SOOOOO smart for comparing him to trump omfg” and constantly shoving shoehorned political and social commentary into the script the way Kripke does (ask me how I felt about the transphobia ‘commentary’ this season and I will write you a thesis paper about how bad, ineffective, and mostly insulting to trans viewers it was). He’s so fired up to make the two a mirror image that even Antony Starr has said he’s sometimes checking Kripke and telling him that taking it too far reduces the character to one or two dimensional at best unless the comparisons directly relate to the narrative of the character.   The allegories have been effective in keeping people (for the most part) from viewing Homelander as a hero, but it’s also created a lot of senseless vitriol for people who actually do enjoy the character whether strictly because of the character himself or because they’re simping (I do both 😂).

So uh… that’s my extremely long two-cents. Hopefully it makes sense as I’m a little sleep deprived at the moment and just got out of a two hour long lecture lol

[toads-treasures]

Writer Interview

I got tagged by @forget-me-maybe and @pouroverpaloma, thank you for the tag!!! I'm sorry that I definitely may have overshared!!

When did you start writing?

This is going to sound cliche but, since I learned how to write at all, I think? I distinctly remember that I got in trouble when I was about six years old, because I took a photo album that had nice sturdy paper pages from the laundry room and wrote a mystery story in it. I remember it was a mystery because on every other page I colored my own version of the old transitions they’d do in cartoons, with a question mark with concentric colorful circles around it lol. Strangely vivid memory of those transition pages, I think I was very proud of them. 

But I’ve been writing and “illustrating” pretty much my entire life. I started writing fanfiction in middle school or highschool, and that’s what I’ve always liked writing the most.

Then I decided to get a creative writing degree, which then led me to developing both a god complex and a crippling sense of perfectionism and self doubt, and completely drained any enjoyment from writing literally anything, because I couldn’t get my professor’s voices out of my head. I loved my professors and I think I learned a lot, but I became so obsessed with my writing being perfect and impressive and something they would want and like, that I stopped writing things that I liked. So, I had a crisis and dropped out! And didn’t write anything for like four years so 🫠 but we’re slowly gettin’ back into it. 

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don’t think there are any themes I enjoy reading that I couldn't really write, but genres definitely. I don’t know if I could write a contemporary romance. Unless I am doing a modern AU lol but even then I always seem to end up adding some kind of fantastical element.  I love reading a good Emily Henry novel, but I try to write a lighthearted contemporary romance and inevitably some ghosts or fucked up fairies of some sort will appear. I gotta inject a little horror and fantasy into pretty much everything I write, which I think a lot of people are surprised by. I’m surprised by it, because I am such a baby I can’t handle watching horror movies. I think less horror, and more like, gothic elements maybe? IDK man it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a literature class.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I wanna be Maggie Stiefvater when I grow up. She’s a young adult novelist but she is such a talented writer, I can’t even explain other than her books make my brain go !!!!! 

I cannot recommend Scorpio Races or The Raven Cycle enough. She’s got such a distinct voice, and she is really good at magical realism which I love. I don’t know if I intentionally try to emulate her though I think I’m just a sponge that just absorbs bits and pieces of anything I read, but I think I have unintentionally stolen a line or two from her before.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have a home office that I adore and is super cute and cozy but unfortunately most of my writing is done at work on my lunch break. But that’s also a pretty nice place, a shaded courtyard at the hospital I work at that’s got really nice tall trees that blossom in the spring. 

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I always come up with some pivotal character detail or plot point while I’m doing dishes. Then I have to scramble for my phone with sudsy hands to immediately tell Liz I have had A Thought.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I think a lot of my stories are about grief, which I don’t usually realize until later. Grief and memory and growing out of the place you were born, and the kind of dissonance that comes from wanting so desperately to go home but not fitting when you get there. Or things are different than how you remember, for better and for worse. I love thinking about complicated parent/child relationships, and coming to the realization that more often than not your parents are neither heroes or villains, they’re just people.  Coming of age stories but the protag are in their late twenties? 

I looooove to write about people slowly (or not so slowly) falling in love and the little things you notice about someone when that’s happening. Like the way a slight sunburn sometimes makes blue eyes look even bluer, the way someone’s eyes widen before they start laughing, like they’re surprised at their own amusement. Getting to know someone in so many different contexts. So different kinds of intimacy I guess? It wasn’t until recently that I even considered writing smut lmao and even now when I try the characters just end up having some deep conversation and unearthing some kind of trauma. Let’s not analyze what that says about me. 

But it always seems to come back to grief at some point and living with loss and growing around it. Which is strange because I’m very lucky to have not gone through that process with anyone extremely close to me. It is definitely something I think about a lot though, it’s almost like I’m trying to brace myself, or practice grieving before it actually happens.

What’s your reason for writing?

Escapism babyyy. I say escapism then talk about how all I ever write about is grief….so….but it is both escapism and kind of working through some shit emotionally lol. One of my favorite possibly cringey things to do, but something that has genuinely helped me a lot, is creating a character that has a lot of qualities that I feel self conscious about. They have ADHD, they’re tall and a little clumsy, or they’ve got the same body type as me. They also dropped out of art school. But it doesn’t bother them at all. They’re not insecure about any of those things. Or if they are, they learn not to be. And the other characters love them anyway.

One of the things I’ve really enjoyed doing with a lot of the fanfiction I write is I get a chance to write about the moments in between the big moments. Explore aspects of characters that maybe there wasn’t time for in the game. Or you know if it’s Wyll just aspects that Larian didn’t bother to do at all i’m not bitter 

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Literally any. I crave any form of validation. I love when people can point out themes and stuff to me because I usually miss that myself lol.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Uhhhhhhhhh I have never considered this. Positively? I think more than anything I want people to care as much as I care about these characters, that we’re all being genuine and sincere and sappy together.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I don’t know if it’s my greatest strength lol but I love writing dialogue. That always comes easily to me. And descriptions of landscapes. That’s always something people in class would point out. I will wax poetic about a mountain or the sea don’t test me. 

How do you feel about your own writing?

It comes and goes lol. I try not to think about it too much honestly because I’ll spiral pretty fast into extremely self critical territory and freeze up. Because I must be a genius, Professor Signor told me so, now I have this impossible standard to live up to. Also my professor never told me I was a genius but she did really like my writing and wanted me to take a bunch of honors classes and be on the school literary magazine and all of that pressure and expectation kiiinda made me freak out and run away. So now I try to just have fun, and that’s what I want to feel more than anything is that I’m having fun, and truly enjoying this part of me that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. 

tagging @hauntedliz @mars-colonyand @likesomethingblooming if you wanna!

[mackmp3]

BOB DYLAN LYRIcS AND CRAZY NOVEL LIKE RELATIONSHIP WITH JOAn bAEZ

okay i'm gonna answer this cos i was listening to joan earlier SO (and no i dont know why this is in greentext format just roll with it i'm so sorry) (this is uhh veeeeery very long too)

>1962/3

>some scruffy loser calling himself bob dylan shows up in new york with a guitar and pretty much cosplays as woody guthrie for a bit

>joan baez, who is the same age, made her debut self-titled album at nineteen years old and is well liked by everyone, her music is generally appreciated by everyone on the scene, she has a beautiful voice and strong vibrato and really good at guitar, involved in activism stuff, played with lost of older respected musicians, the whole folksinger package

>but she doesnt really write her own stuff

>bob dylan write copious volumes of material but his performance is uhhhh less than amazing and technical ability has uhm room for improvement

>his debut self titled album flops hard

>scene is pretty small so they inevitably meet

>joan is like lol look at this loser isnt he cute hehe--his songs are pretty good too huh

>she invites him to play with her, they do a bunch of shows together etc and eventually get romantically involved. joan introduces him to civil rights stuff & anti-war stuff & anti nuclear and all that stuff

>bobs stuff was already political but in a sort of abstract way, his work gets a lot more specifically activist-ey in a very powerful way

>they're still doing a lot of shows together-bob is pretty famous on the folk scene at this point, largely because of joan endorsing him pretty much lol, still romantically involved. music press starts paying attention to bob dylan and he releases quite a few albums with famous songs on them. people kinda shit on him for his voice its a whole thing but i really like his voice so whateverr

>but by 1965 music is starting to get Weird, beatles are happening etc, lots of new styles of music, new youth culture, drugs are also happening

>bob releases bringing it all back home - some of these songs have electric band backing, where previous All Bar One of his songs were solo acoustic guitar, vocals, maybe some harmonica. some people are vaguely put out by this but i think most people find it pretty cool

>20th july 1965 bob releases Like A Rolling Stone, arguably his most famous song. it is very electric and a banger and much Much more rock (it was pop then but yknow) than folk. young people go YAY YIPPEE

>newport folk festival 25th 1965 (five days later) bob plays with an electric band (later to be known as The Band) to Outrage from folk purists who thought he was their god etc. someone shouts 'judas' at the stage implying he was betraying folk music by going electric and that guy must absolutely shit himself every time he remember that he did that because goddamn. pretentious twenty-somethings who hadnt even liked folk music before bob dylan get mad at him, old folk singers are mad at him, popular myth says the famously pacifist pete seeger threatened to cut the power cable with an axe. everyone is Big Mad except like a rolling stone goes hard and people who care a bit less about Proper Folk Music think its a banger

>highway 61 revisted comes out and bob dylan is now a major sensation amongst music enjoyer everywhere, like his stuff is really really cool, new and exciting, also decidely Not Folk but like really very cool. bob also starts smoking weed and taking speed b/c ofc he does & if you look him up he looks like twelfth doctor with the sunglasses and the hair and i'm right on that

>joan is still doing traditional folk music mostly. she is less than amused at bob going electric but iirc mostly polite about it. later that year she released 'farewell, angelina' an album of covers of bob's songs. a lot of them are Very Good, all sung with much more skill than bob could ever hope for sorry bob. which is like. Damn Okay Joan Thats A Move but it was probably finished before newport.... idk..........

>england is suddenly like OMG BOB DYLAN????????? at around 1964/65 but it takes a long time for music to get over there b/c the british music industry had a thing about only selling uk artists so american records were special import it's a whole thing. so people are just getting his famous folk stuff riiiight as he changes his mind about that and starts doing rock music instead, though still with a very poetic bent

>on a related note uk albums were often released differenet in north america to 'appeal to american audiences'?? so the version of the beatles rubber soul that inspired bob dylan and like lou reed and Everyone is kinda of.... wrong...... its weird

>bob n joan's relationship is kinda strained at this point, due to musical differences and yknow relationship stuff, not helped by the fact that bob could be a bit of a prick and was also quickly accumulating A Legend around him. not helped by his insanely cryptic and often nonsensical interview responses.

>at some point in the middle of all this bob marries Sara Lownds in secret. no one knows. he doesnt tell joan. he's not With with joan anymore but she didnt know he was literally marrying someone else. apparently sara wasnt really a music person and didnt know exactly why he was so famous.

>1966 uk tour (this is filmed in d.a. pennebaker's DONT LOOK BACK (no apostrophe. cos dont & look & back all have four letters so it fits on a poster and the apostrophe would muck up teh symmetry also they were all really fuckin pretentious)). bob is playing mostly electric sets with The Band (known then as the Hawkes) which was A Choice To Be Sure

>some people love it but all the folk purists think he's awful and bad and terrible boo him offstage etc which is pretty terrible

>he starts taking a lot of drugs. music gets Weirder. he's kinda not doing too good

>joan shows up partway through the tour and its......awkward....... to say the least. he'd kind-of-not-really-ish broken up with her & then got married to someone else but she just inserted herself in there. idk why. the whole of dont look back he's kinda dismissive of/rude to her ngl

>meanwhile his Mythos has built to uncontrollable levels. he doesnt exactly help this b/c he's very clever with words so people would obvious find meaning in his lyrics, and when he spit nonsense in interviews people would often find a method in the madnes yknow?? like he's smart. he's also really weird. but people have started reading WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much into EVerything he says and does. like everything. like idek what a modern comparison would be. gaylors have nothing on this shit. understandably he gets pissed off at people asking stupid questions

>joan has a girlfriend at this point also. like yeah in a lesbian way. she says she's straight but she did have a girlfriend her name was kimmy

>blonde on blonde comes out in '66. its his most......... 60s album if you know what i mean. like its lots of drugs and lots of instruments and plays on words and its very good, big double album, he's looking super hip on the cover, songs rumoured to be about edie sedgwick, the whole shebang. the lyrics are inspiration for batshit insane theories for decades to come even though a lot of it likely is just in there cos it sounds cool and rhymes.

>includes the song 'sad eyed lady of the lowlands', which is about sara. joan thinks its about her and says so. bit awkward. its a beautiful song and bob never plays it live, it was recored at like three in the morning and the band didnt know how long it was gonna be etc etc lots of myth

>in november 1966 bob dylan has a motorcycle acciedent near his home in woodstock new york state and is in hospital. music enjoyers everywhere Very concerned. he's okay, and after this more or less disapears from public life for a bit. has a bunch of kids. just chilling in the countryside. does a bunch of jamming with The Band, lives of royalities etc. tries to avoid people mostly. this mysterious disapearance combined with blonde on blonde fuels a lot of theorising by fans which he thinks is stupid

>in just five years bob did more musical innovation than most muscians could ever hope to, and he Never WOuld Have been Famou s WIthout Joan.

>joan is getting even more involved in activist work as the vietman war drags on and on. still doing folk music. she has electric instruments in her stuff eventually but still in a definitively Folk Style. she plays at the Woodstock Festival in 1969, she got married too, doing lots of activism stuff, everyone still really likes her music. 1969 bob relases his country album which most people (bob included) think is kinda trash

>1972 joan releases 'to bobby' (she called him bobby a looooong time after everyone just called him bob). which is. Wow. its uhmmm. well. it's a song beseeching bob to come out of retirement and help out with the anti-war cause. lots of musicians though that is he wrote a good new anti-war song it would really help the cause like he used to in the early sixties. bob was pissed at this like relaly annoyed he though she was being far too presumptuous and i really gotta agree with him there like dude's been through enough.

>1975, bob's been back touring for a year -ish. he decide's he gonna put together the ROLLING THUNDER REVUE which is pretty much him & all his friends who are also folk.country.rock whatever you wanna call it musicians and they go arund a whole bunch of little venues and generally have a good time. lineup includes joni mitchell robbie robertson roger mcguinn emmylou harris, a very cool violin player called scarlett (i think) allen ginsberg the poet who had a gay crush on dylan in the sixties, the blonde guitarist from ziggy stardust AND JOAN BAEZ :D there are like ten people on the stage at once and loads of guitars and various string instruments etc and they redo all these dylan songs in new and exciting ways.

>they film some of it to make this move called Renaldo and Clara. i havent seen it (yet) but its like a semi-fiction semi-documentary film about the tour and also some sort of plotline they string together from somewhere idk. joan is in this film too. from what ive seen there are some uhh. some fairly OUGH scenes, on top of bob n joan singing together on stage all the time. there s clip of bob saying that he n joan could sing together in their sleep. she is still a wayyyy better singer than him but his voice is really good these years and they way they do the songs together is veeeeryyyyy cool. theres a scene in the film where bob says (and i quote) 'it really displeases me that you went off and got married' (OUT OF NOWHERE MIGHT I ADD) and joan says 'you went off and got married first and didnt tell me' and he doesnt really have an answer to that. like GODDAMNIT BOY

>there another scene where there was a bit of a script but joan went off and said something like 'do you know why we never couldve got married?' and bob was apparently bad at improv so he wasnt saying anything and so joan just kept talking going through all the reasons why they never got married and all the issues between them. On Camera. like damn.

>also in 1975 joan's album Diamonds & Rust comes out. the title track is one joan wrote herself and it is Very Clearly about bob and its uhhh a little bit scathing. also very very good. generally regarded as one of her best songs. awkward as you can imagine. 'my poetry was lousy you said' 'we both know what memories can bring / they bring diamonds and rust' 'you burst on the scene already a legend'

Now you're telling me You're not nostalgic Then give me another word for it You who are so good with words And at keeping things vague 'Cause I need some of that vagueness now It's all come back too clearly Yes, I loved you dearly And if you're offering me diamonds and rust I've already paid

LIKE GODDAMN JOAN OKAY

>bob gets divorced from sara in 1976? 77? idk that happens too. i think joan gets a divorce too but not sure.

>theres a bit gap in my knowledge here idk what happens to them specifically after that. like i know a bunch about bob but nothing relevant rn. hes christian for a bit. makes some albums that suck and some that are good. joan still does folk music & mostly covers.

>in 2003 bob releases a memoir called Chronicles Vol. I (supposedly of three but theres only one lol). he talks about joan a bit, how could he not, describes how he was so envious of her when he was 21 and saysing 'she looked like a religious icon, like somebody you'd sacrifice yourself for'. super normal thing to say about your ex ahaha.

>2022 the rolling thunder revue film comes out (its a netflix film but also. internet archive) and they're both interviewed for it. some iconic moments. i think most interviewers sort of stopped asking joan about bob out of politness after a while but obviously she talks about him there thats what the films about. yeagh.

>joan baez like hangs out with lana del ray n stuff now & has books out or her little drawings. she also paints. and bob still tours at 82 (almost 83) years old. and still relreases new stuff. yeagh

ANYWAYS the concise history of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan. sources: dude trust me ahahah no but the source is the 2022 rolling thunder film, dylan's chronicles and around a year of being obsessed with bob dylan. he was my real life old guy blorbo fr.

[sleepsentry]

Please tell me you plan getting into the book of Bill. I think you'll be quite pleased lol.

I have it preordered but it'll take a bit to arrive because I live in Switzerland

I haven't thought about gf in a couple of months but that's kind of a good thing?

I was worried I'd be too ashamed of my own enjoyment to let myself read it.

Since gravity falls isn't my main fixation for now I'll have an easier time reading it.

'I've been suspecting I have OCD for a year or two now. I think it explains a lot about my deeply tiring relationship to my own interests.

You can skip my attempt at an explanation of that problem below 👇

For the past few years I've had an awful time letting myself enjoy my interests once I pass a certain point of investment.

As if I'm being disrespectful to the original work for having interpretations of my own.

I've never had easy access to merchandise like stickers so all of my exposure to and expression of my interests is the original source material, fan works, and my own fan works. (I have zero merch for any of my interests besides gf so I have no other means of expression offline besides my own art)

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It gets especially bad if I have unpopular opinions and see a more popular one everywhere despite my efforts to block and filter.

It's very difficult to filter something popular and it leaves me feeling tired and bitter. When otherwise I wouldn't care at all.

But it's another point towards this "you're doing it wrong" feeling

I haven't fully re-read my journal 3 or lost legends books since I first got them (around 2017? And 2018 respectively) despite really wanting to.

I'll flip through once every couple years for reference that I couldn't find faster online but that's overselling how much I even let myself look up reference online (basically never I'm too ashamed)

I have trouble saying characters names out loud in conversation (text or in person) wich is why I use nicknames a lot

The more I like a character the harder it is for me to look at images of them for reference out of shame for 'messing them up' with my own interpretation

It's happening with some of my current interests like pikmin and ff7 (just typing ff7 made me feel shame that's how bad it is)

It's less bad with pikmin because of how simple an accessible it is.

It's really bad with ff7 because of how much of a legacy it has with nerdy men in their 30s and 40s

(I got smugly mocked in a comment section for saying I didn't like a character getting slapped cause I thought it wasn't deserved. I know it shouldn't matter but I think about it whenever I think of ff7 and the fact that I'm letting some smug dick ruin a thing for me makes me upset and ect ect ect spiral spiral spiral)

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The more I like the thing, the more I avoid the thing out of shame for my enjoyment of it.

It's exhausting yes.

It has damaged my art and relation to the things I enjoy.

At least it feels good to type all this out and get it off my chest.