#because even if this wasn't your post it came to me via you and will haunt me via you <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[awritersrejections]

@acrownforaking delivering some violence today :)

even if you're not a supernatural fan, if you've been on tumblr long enough you are, like, culturally. like cultural christianity in america except it's the cw's supernatural. you may never have watched an episode or set foot inside the tag but your regular life shuts down on their holidays and all of your world news is delivered through that point of view. something to think about

[versairic]

Mariquita | CS55

In which Carlos' appendectomy triggers a huge emotional chaos in you and makes you realise just how big your feelings for the Spaniard actually are

or

In which your concern for Carlos clearly shows the Spaniard that you probably feel the same way about him as he does about you

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The last few days have been pure confusion. You could clearly feel this at Ferrari.

After Carlos' appendicitis was announced, on which he had to undergo surgery, the young Briton Olli Bearman was brought in to replace Carlos and chaos began to reign in the team.

Some things had to be changed, such as the adjustment of the seat, as well as various other things up to the well-known gift in the social media.

The hustle and bustle could be clearly felt throughout the team. But the excitement was not just for the young 18-year-old Brit, but also for the Spaniard. Because most of the time, the team's thoughts were on Carlos, who should soon have the operation behind him.

" Have you finished the Instagram post yet? " Lucy asked me as she sat down at the table opposite me.

" Uhm, what? " confused, I lifted my eyes from my mobile phone, which I kept glancing at hopefully to be the first to hear the news about Carlos' condition.

But so far there was still no news, which slowly started to make me more and more nervous.

"I wonder if you've already posted on Instagram that Carlos has come through the operation okay," Lucy continued in a gentle voice and put her hand on my arm.

It took a few seconds for her words to sink in and for me to really understand what she meant.

" W-really? " I stammered, while at the same time a huge stone fell from my heart and I began to feel the tightness in my chest, which had been there since yesterday, loosen.

" But I didn't read anything in the group. How do you know that? " I was sure I hadn't read anything, because for the last ten minutes I'd been checking the Ferrari chat on my mobile phone, hoping I hadn't missed anything.

" Fred just came up to me. He was talking to Carlos Senior. Everything went well and he's now recovering in hospital. " Lucy gave me a soft smile as her thumb gently stroked my arm.

Not only was she my best friend on the team, she was also the one who knew how close Carlos and I actually were.

When I joined the team about a year ago, Carlos was the first to welcome me with open arms and show me around.

During my first day at work, the Spaniard kept coming round to ask me how things were going.

When he invited me for a meal at the end of my first shift and listened attentively to what I had to say about my first successful day at work, a friendship developed within a few weeks.

"Thank God," I whispered quietly as a relieved smile crept onto my lips.

All your fears and worries that something could have gone wrong during the operation vanished within a few seconds.

"I'll post it straight away! " I almost shouted as I reached for my mobile phone and then opened the Ferrari Instagram account that I was partly responsible for.

One of my tasks in the team was to keep the fans up to date via Instagram and Twitter. I also had a say in the C2 Challenges on YouTube, where I always created fun content for the fans.

It wasn't long before I had chosen a photo of Carlos and typed up a short text about his condition and then posted it.

"Now I can get back to work feeling better," I mumbled as I reached for your fruit salad, which had been sitting untouched on the table in front of me, and started eating.

" I believe you. It's about time my favourite colleague was finally back at work with a smile on her face. "

Yesterday almost flew by, which was probably due to the good news that had lifted my spirits so much that I was completely back in the swing of things.

Olli had done well in the third free practice session and in qualifying, as had Charles, who would start today's race from second place.

This lifted my spirits even further, so I entered Ferrari Hospitality with a smile on my face and greeted a few of my colleagues who were already having breakfast.

"Morning sunshine," Charles greeted me with an amused smile as I stood next to him at the buffet and reached for a plate.

"Morning my favourite Monegasque," I replied brightly and then reached for a croissant.

" Do I want to know why you're shining like the non-existent sun today? " Charles asked as he reached for a bowl of muesli and then continued. " Well, actually, I know what it is..."

Charles winked and then began to waggle his eyebrow dramatically, which looked rather strange.

"Are you all right? " I asked him, while I also secured a bowl of muesli and placed it on my tray.

" I'm doing great. I'm ready for the race, but that's not the issue right now. Try not to get distracted," he almost admonished me and raised his index finger in the air in warning before continuing. "Could it be that your good mood is back thanks to Carlo's successful operation? Because since this was announced, you seem to have changed. "

" It's race day..." I tried to talk my way out of it, but I couldn't, as Charles hovered his index finger over my lips to indicate that I should be quiet.

"I'm neither stupid nor daft. I know for a fact that there's something going on between you and Carlos. It's certainly none of my business, but I can see that you're good for each other and I think that's great. Don't stop doing good for each other, okay? Okay, great! See you then! "

Before I could open my mouth to give Charles an answer, the Ferrari driver had already fled, almost running, with his tray.

Shaking my head, I looked after the Monegasques for a few seconds before I ran over to one of the free tables with my tray and began to eat my breakfast in peace.

And as I sat there eating my breakfast in comfort, my thoughts kept wandering back to Charles' words.

Were Carlos and I really on good terms? And if so, was Carlos and my behaviour really so obvious that others had probably noticed?

Once again, a tightness began to spread through my chest, so I pushed the breakfast on my tray to one side in disgust and began to sigh softly.

But before I could even begin to think about Carlos and me, Lucy appeared in front of me.

Her blonde hair lay dishevelled on her face, her cheeks shimmered red and she put her hands on her hips, out of breath.

" Lucy are you okay? " I asked cautiously and all I got in reply was a squeezed " Water. "

After I handed Lucy my water, which she drank within a few seconds and then just stood there for a few more seconds, I got nervous.

I could sense that something wasn't right and the fact that Lucy just wouldn't come out with it made me even more nervous.

" Lucy... " I almost urged as you began to shift restlessly on the chair.

" Carlos is here! " she almost shouted so loudly that one or two Ferrari employees turned to us both and looked at me in confusion.

"Sorry, I meant Carlos is here," she repeated more quietly as she dropped into the chair opposite me and rested her elbows on the table.

" What? Why is he here? He just had an operation yesterday! " I looked at the person opposite me with wide eyes as I almost jumped up.

" I have no idea! I saw a story on Instagram where he's walking through the paddock. Or should I say crawling? He can barely walk, he looks absolutely pale and like he's in pain! " she continued, making strange hand movements that I couldn't interpret at all.

" What?! " I repeated again, almost stunned, while my heart began to beat faster.

Why was he here and not resting? He couldn't be serious.

I immediately began to worry so much that I jumped up and ran off without waiting for an answer from Lucy.

" Thanks for breakfast! " she called after me, but I hardly noticed because I only had one thing on my mind. Carlos.

I kept dodging various members of other teams as I ran, keeping my eyes peeled for Carlos.

It wasn't long before I found him and a few other Ferrari employees in the pits, where he was greeted warmly with hugs and a few words.

I stayed in the background and watched Carlos from a distance. And indeed, he looked anything but well.

His posture was more hunched than upright and his face was rather pale, which occasionally even showed that he must clearly be in pain.

Why the hell wasn't he lying in bed and resting?

It took a few minutes for the Spaniard to catch sight of me. Within a few seconds, his face brightened and he literally crept over to me.

"Mariquita," he greeted me with a smile on his lips and pulled me into a warm hug shortly afterwards.

I carefully wrapped my arms around him, hoping not to cause him any more pain.

" Carlos, what are you doing here? " was the first thing I said to him.

" How about a "Oh, hello Carlos. I'm glad you're doing well and that you've come through everything okay?" " he asked as he let go of me and then leant against the wall next to me.

He seemed to find it difficult to even stand up straight. He was even still wearing his hospital bracelet. It was as if he'd literally fled from the hospital and gone straight to the track.

" Are you crazy? You had appendicitis, had to have an operation and haven't even rested for a day? You can barely walk, you look incredibly shitty and you still seem to be in pain! " I spoke in an angry voice and didn't care if anyone was listening. Because apparently I was the first person to say these words to him.

And probably the only one who was thinking straight.

"I'm fine," he tried to reassure me, but he seemed to realise himself that this wasn't the case.

" No, you're not! " I looked at him seriously for a few seconds before turning on my heel and leaving.

Carlos' warm hand grabbed my arm and caused a slight electric shock to run through my body.

"I'm sorry, Mariquita. Let's talk in peace," his voice sounded soft and calm.

He carefully led me into a kind of storeroom that I had never been in before.

A few things were stored here, such as drinks and spare items for the mechanics, like a sofa that stood in the middle of the room.

Carlos slowly lowered himself onto the sofa, grimacing slightly, and then carefully pulled me next to him.

The sofa was so narrow that we sat there more or less pressed against each other and the touch of our knees and arms made my heart start beating faster again and I became slightly restless.

" You have every right to be angry with me and to worry. That's really sweet of you, but it was entirely my decision to come here. In hospital, the ceiling would have literally fallen on my head and I wanted everyone to know that I was okay."

"But you should take it easy, Carlos..." I almost mumbled and looked at the Spaniard, whose eyes were on me.

"I will, I promise," he assured me as he came a little closer to me and I felt his breath on my cheek.

Shortly afterwards, I felt his warm lips lightly on my cheek, which made the area start to tingle warmly and the heat shot up my cheek.

" I've heard from some people how worried you were about me. That was really incredibly sweet of you, Mariquita," Carlos began and gently stroked a strand of my hair behind my ear before continuing.

"We both know that there's more between us. And that's why I want to ask you if you'd like to go on a date with me? " His brown eyes rested calmly on me while a soft smile formed on his lips.

His words caused chaos to awaken in my stomach, as all the butterflies that had just been lying there quietly for a long time began to awaken and turn my feelings completely upside down.

" Yes, but only if you take it easy. Otherwise you can forget the date," I replied with a partly serious and partly worried look.

It was important to me that Carlos recovered fully from the operation and regained his strength so that he would soon be fit again and able to get back into the car.

"I promise, Mariquita."

[lucy90712]

Hey so for Jude Bellingham can you write like Jude cheating on reader, he is very distant with her and she tries to make plans or asks him things like how has ur day been but he either just gives her blunt replies or just completely ignores her. Reader finds out he cheated on her via his phone and she confronts him and she admits it. Then reader leaves him and moves on with someone else (not a footballer just someone random) and Jude regrets what he has done but it is too late. Like pure angst and please make it long! Thank you!

A/n: the timeline on this doesn’t really work but just ignore that

Part 2

Sitting in a restaurant alone waiting for someone to show up is embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when people know who your boyfriend is and are very clearly judging you and thinking about what might be going on in your personal life. Then the most embarrassing part of it all is having to leave after sitting there for an hour. 

No text no call and no answer. After getting home from the restaurant I stayed up for as long as possible to try and wait for Jude to come home so I could ask him why he didn't show up to the date he planned and invited me on but by 3am he still wasn't home. The next morning he wasn't in bed but he had clearly been home and then left for training but he still hadn't even read the texts I sent him last night. He did post on his Instagram story which explained where he was, he was at a party with all of his friends. I'd love to say that's the first time he's done this but it isn't in fact he's done it countless times in the last few months. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Valentine's Day

Two hours ago I got ready in a cute dress and did my makeup ready to go out to dinner with Jude. He's been so busy recently so we haven't spent much time together but he promised me we'd spend Valentine's Day together, he got us a reservation at my favourite restaurant and told me to dress up. That's exactly what I did now I'm sat here still waiting for him to get home two hours after when he said he'd be home. 

It hurts to be left just waiting I was looking forward to tonight and getting to spend some time together as I've missed having him around. He made this move to Madrid out to be the best thing for us but ever since things just haven't been the same. He's always busy and when he's not he chooses to spend time with his teammates instead which I understand but at the same time he's neglecting me and our relationship. I tried to bring this up but he shut me down and promised to spend more time with me which is how we ended up with this date but clearly it's not that important to him. 

Close to 3 hours later Jude finally came home and looked at me incredibly confused when he saw me all dressed up. 

"Where are you going?" He asked 

"On a date with you remember you said we would go out for dinner because it's Valentine's Day" I said 

"I'm so sorry baby I completely forgot this week has been crazy I promise I'll make it up to you another day but I'm so tired is a movie night instead ok" he said 

"Yeah its ok" I lied 

Birthday 

As always I woke up to an empty bed and Jude having left for training. Today isn't any normal day though it's my birthday so all my friends are coming over and we are going to go out for lunch together then hopefully Jude and I can do something together this evening even if it's just watching something together on the sofa. When I grabbed my phone from my bedside table I had loads of messages from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday and my social media was filled with edits done by Jude's fans which were all so sweet. The only notable missing thing was a text from Jude but that's ok he might've been running late and forgot. 

I forgot about Jude as soon as my friends arrived as they all spoiled me far too much but I had so much fun with them. It was nice to be distracted from real life and stop worrying about when Jude will be home, if he will remember it's my birthday or if he still cares about me at all. Once I got back home Jude's car was already in the driveway so I smiled and happily made my way inside to see him. I wasn't expecting Vini and Eduardo to be over but there they were sat on the sofa playing video games with Jude. 

"Hey y/n happy birthday" Vini said 

"I didn't realise it was your birthday Jude didn't mention it but happy birthday" Eduardo said 

"Thanks guys" I said 

"Where have you been babe?" Jude asked still not saying happy birthday 

"I was with my friends they took me to lunch" I said 

"That sounds fun" Jude said going right back to his game 

His friends tried to leave saying he should spend time with me but he said it was fine and that I wouldn't mind so they stayed. While they all sat down stairs having more fun than I was I did some work with tears streaming down my face. My own boyfriend doesn't care about my birthday his teammates cared more than he did. 

Anniversary 

"Happy anniversary love" I said when I found Jude in the kitchen this morning 

"Happy anniversary" he said 

I tried to give him a kiss but he dodged it and went to start packing his things as he has an away game later today so he's leaving soon. 

"I'm sorry baby I've got to go I'll see you later though" he said as he left leaving me all alone yet again 

~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day I always like to forget. Both of my parents died in a car accident two years ago today so it's always an emotional day for me and my siblings, we would like to spend it together to distract ourselves but as I'm in Madrid we can't do that. Instead my friends invited themselves over so that I'd have someone with me which made me feel so much better. They came over early so early that Jude was still here as he hadn't left for training yet. He was doing his own thing as the girls all sat with me and let me get out all my emotions now by telling them memories I have with my parents. 

"You know they'd be so proud of you" one of my friends said 

"I just wish they were here to see all the things me and my siblings have done all thanks to their constant encouragement" I sniffled tears still falling down my face 

"Why are you crying babe?" Jude asked as he walked down the stairs 

"Just thinking about my parents it's the anniversary of their death so I'm just a bit emotional" I said 

"I'm glad the girls are here to make you feel better then I'll see you later ok" he said 

With that he left and my friends all looked at me with an expression I didn't quite understand.

"How long has he been like that?" My best friend asked 

"Like what" I questioned 

"Like you don't matter he didn't even hug you before he left even after you told him why you were upset which he should know anyway dates like this are important for partners to remember" she said 

"I mean it's been a good few months he missed our Valentine's Day dinner he didn't wish me a happy birthday until like 5pm and we didn't do anything on our anniversary" I said finally thinking about how badly he's been treating me

"Girl he doesn't deserve you he's taking you for granted and you don't deserve that" one of the girls said 

"I hate to say this but you need to break up with him clearly he's given up on your relationship and now I might be wrong but wrong but it seems to me like he's found someone else" another said

They were right for months now I've been at the bottom of his priority list and he's nowhere near the Jude I used to know and love. There is no affection there anymore it's like the love we once had is gone. He also has definitely been distant and he's never home so there is a possibility that he could be cheating on me. That's a thought that I'd put in the back of my mind and didn't want to think about but now that someone else that has mentioned it I can't let the thought go. Whether he's cheating or not things definitely aren't how they used to be and I need to get out of this relationship before it's too late. The girls all offered their support and said I can stay with them for as long as I need which gave me the confidence to actually talk to Jude later today. 

When Jude arrived home all the girls left and they wished me good luck which I definitely need as I'm nervous to actually have this conversation even though it needs to be done. Jude went straight to get in the shower so I decided to look at his phone because he told me the password but I have never used it as I trusted him at least until now. It took just seconds of looking for me to find texts between him and this one girl who he had clearly been seeing for months now. He kept saying he would break up with me but the time wasn't right yet and that he wasn't in love with me anymore which hurt to see. I wanted to cry but I held back my tears and instead just sent myself screenshots of everything and then deleted the evidence so he wouldn't know that I knew. 

After his shower Jude took ages to come back downstairs but when he finally did he was looking at his phone and smiling it made me wonder if he was talking to her the girl he'd apparently fallen for. He quickly noticed me staring at him and he just stared back not having a clue what was going on. 

"Jude we need to talk" I said 

"Oh ok is everything alright?" He asked 

"I'm just gong to say it I know what you've been doing and don't lie to me I have screenshots I just want to know when you fell out of love and why you did this instead of just ending things" I said barely holding back tears 

"I don't know it all just happened I'm sorry I should've handled this better I didn't want to hurt you but clearly I haven't done a good job of that" he said 

"Yeah you really have hurt me I should've known when you forgot about our valentines reservations but I was foolish and believed that you were just busy now I know you were with another girl" I said 

"I'm sorry" he said 

"I don't believe you Jude if you were sorry you wouldn't have let this go on for so long it's safe to say we are over I wish you well but please don't try and contact me again I need to just move on" I said 

With that I gathered my things and just left. I left my key, the memories and what felt like half my heart but it had to be done I had to get out of there before I got hurt any more. It's time to move on and start a new life with people around me who truly care about me. 

~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later 

"Come on amor let's go" Carlos called from downstairs 

"Coming" I said running down the stairs 

"Oh wow you look gorgeous" Carlos said 

"Thank you you look good too" I said 

He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand so we could head out to the car that was outside to pick us up. Just a few days ago Carlos won the French open so we are going out to celebrate. I met Carlos not long after I broke up with Jude I wasn't even looking to date but I just happened to meet him on a night out with my friends and we just clicked. He understood that I wasn't ready to date properly but he didn't give up on me so when I was ready we went on a date and the rest is history. My plan definitely wasn't to date another athlete in fact I wanted to just have a normal life and date a normal guy but I couldn't just let Carlos go and I'm glad I didn't. We have been together officially for 6 months now and they have been the best 6 months of my life he always treats me right and he makes it known how much he loves me. 

Carlos has a lot of friends in Madrid so he decided to come here and celebrate his win with me and my friends as well as his before he goes back home to be with his family. There wasn't really any time to prepare anything so we are all just meeting at a club in town that isn't just open to the public so there shouldn't be lots of people there. All our friends were already there when we arrived as we got caught in a bit of traffic but they didn't seem to mind our lateness they congratulated Carlos on his win and we all went inside. 

As we walked down the stairs all my friends turned to me at once and I wondered what was going on for a second until I saw what they had seen. Jude was right there along with a few of his teammates. I haven't seen him since our breakup which is somewhat of a miracle seeing as I still live and work in Madrid and he has become part of the city. I knew one day we'd meet again I was just hoping it wouldn't be in a day like today I don't want to be thinking about him or to talk to him while celebrating Carlos as tonight shouldn't be about me or my past relationship. Carlos knows everything that happened so once he saw Jude his hand reached for mine and he gave it a comforting squeeze which made me feel a little bit better. The thing is I don't miss Jude at all I'm so much happier now but what he did still hurts me so seeing him for the first time since is a bit painful. 

"We can go somewhere else if you want" Carlos said 

"No it's ok tonight is your night plus he shouldn't affect my life now that's the past you are my present and future" I said 

"Ok as long as you're sure but you are sticking by my side all night" he said 

Jude's POV

"Is that y/n?" Vini asked 

Him saying that caught my attention so I looked in the same direction as him and there she was with all her friends and a guy by her side. I recognised the guy as Carlos Alcaraz the tennis player who just won the French open and a the guy y/n has been dating for at least the last few months. I found that out when late at night after we lost a big game I stalked her Instagram and saw a photo of them together on her private account that she forgot to remove me from. Since that night I have kept an eye on her Instagram I usually check it at least once a week to see what she's been doing and how happy she is without me. 

Since the night that she broke up with me I regretted making all the dumb choices I made that led to that point. Within days I broke things off with the other girl I was seeing and I have been alone ever since I just can't bring myself to see anyone else because they aren't y/n. It sounds stupid because I'm the one that ruined everything I'm the reason she's with Carlos and not me but she was the one I just didn't realise how much I loved her until she was gone. My mum has always told me not to take things for granted as once they are gone you'll realise their true value and that's exactly what I did with y/n I didn't realise just how important she was to me until I made some stupid decisions and let her go. 

I watched her with Carlos for a while and she seemed genuinely happy which made me realise that she hadn't been that happy with me for a long while before we broke up. It was clear to see that she loved him and I could tell that he loved her too because he looked at her the way I did when we first got together. It hurt to see her so happy with someone else because I know I could've had that but now I won't get to share any moment like that with her ever again. I deserve everything that has come to me I made bad choices and as much as I regret them now it won't change anything. 

I have to let her go because for her to be happy I need to not be in her life as much as that hurts. They say if you love her let her go and that's what I need to do let the one go because as much as she might've been the one for me I'm not the one for her. 

[delzinrowe]

I saw your post, happy you're doing well!!!

Maybe something for Inumaki if you do him? Anything is fine 👉👈

Thank you thank you! <3

AN: I just started writing this without a real plan and just after a headcanon I had, and I didn't realise it would turn out this long... TT

Word count: ~600ish

Warnings: not beta read, pure fluff with some insecurities

I am not quite sure why but Inumaki strikes me as the type of boyfriend who would be secretely extremely insecure.

Even though he knows he's one of the most promising young sorcerers and that his cursed technique is among those few that are envied, he's still insecure, why? Because it's also a curse that forbids him from telling you all the things that other people so easily tell their loved ones.

No matter how many times you reassure him, it's something that's eating away inside of his heart that cannot be fully stopped.

It all started when you guys were on a date at the movies. Inumaki previously tried to ask you out multiple times, all of which failed because he couldn't just straight up say "Do you want to go out with me?" like others could.

Instead he decided to ask you via text if you wanted to go out, which you misunderstood and thought meant the entire group. Needless to say Yuta teased him about this for a while afterwards.

Inumaki eventually left a note in your backpack, asking whether you wanted to go on a date with him. You found the note later that day during class, yet to Toge's horror he realised he forgot to sign it. Another failed attempt.

When Maki got tired of watching him fail at asking you out she eventually blurted out that Toge had been crushing on you. First you didn't believe it, thinking she might just pull a prank on you, but when you saw the heat flush onto his face it became obvious that she was in deed serious and correct.

Afterwards you two finally went on your first date, which to you went simply amazing. Now for Toge it was great until the movie came to it's romantic climax with the lead male going on and on about his feelings in a cheesy speech. He would have almost laughed if he hadn't seen the glimpse of hearts in your eyes at the romantic words. Suddenly the popcorn you shared felt like pebbles in his stomach when he realised he'd never be able to say such things to you because of his cursed speech.

Sure, if he wrote down a speech and carefully choose the words he could make sure that there would be no accidents, but he promised himself never to risk anyone's safety.

When he walked you home he remained unusually quiet, not even his beloved onigiri ingredients were spoken. You shyly took his hand and squeezed it, thanking him for the beautiful date and kissed his cheek before hurrying into your home.

Simply holding your hand on its own had eased his worries, but the kiss on his cheek? It made him forget everything for a solid minute. The worries eventually returned but for the moment he was fully content and happy.

The dates kept going on, spending time with Toge was easy and felt natural and peaceful. It wasn't long until you two officially became a couple. At this moment he started to open up more about his worries, that he felt he lacked in terms of providing you with lovely words.

You couldn't blame him, being insecure is part of being human, even if you didn't see any reason for him having such doubts. Having been whipped for him since the very beginning you decided to come up with a new safe word for him, one that he would only utter in times of insecurities.

Whenever he said the word you'd take his hand, pull him closer and remind him how much you loved him with a kiss on his each of his cheeks and eventually his lips.

(Okay so maybe Inumaki started abusing the word to get free kisses whenever he wanted but you couldn't really be mad at him since you also enjoyed kissing him.)

[bengals-barnesbabe]

Princess Ti

Pair: Husband!Tee Higgins x Chase Sister!Reader

Descr: The day everyone’s been waiting for is here, GAME DAY- wait something’s not right.

TW: language, mentions of sex, childbirth.

Picture Day | Main Masterlist

WC: 5k

....:::: * * •° ✾ °•* * ::::....

“Y/n, it’s almost kick off!” Your mother-in-law calls out.

You huff hugging your bump, looking at the shirt you’d usually be wearing for game day if you weren’t 41 weeks pregnant.

Usually, you'd be at the game cheering your husband and younger brother on from the stands, but that wasn't really an option this far along in your pregnancy. But you at least wanted to indulge in your favorite game day tradition: wearing Tee's jersey. However, that wasn’t going so smoothly either.

Your bedroom door opens, and Tee’s mom pops her head in. “You okay, darlin’?”

“I would be, but I’m still pregnant, so I’m not.” She chuckles and sits on the bed next to Tee’s jersey. 

“I know how you feel. You’re tired, antsy, anxious, moody. Little princess is really enjoying her time in there.” She offers you a kind smile.

“I think I made too good of home in there. Tee says there’s no better place for her to be than the womb. Of course, he would because he doesn’t have swollen ankles and an extra 30 lbs to carry on his torso. He was so scared I’d go into early labor that I think he convinced her to stay longer. 2 more weeks and she’ll be evicted via C-section, and that’s the last thing I want.” You pout, joining her on the bed.

“Hey, everything’s going to be fine. You’ve been doing everything right to get your body ready for this. She’ll come when it’s right. You said you woke up with contractions, right?”

You nod your head, “Braxton hicks. I’ve been dilated 2 centimeters for a week. Tee didn’t want to go to work, but it only lasted 15 minutes. The last one was actually before you came in, but it didn’t last long. It’s been like this since I hit 37 weeks.”

“Hey, you never know; babies surprise everyone.” You chuckle.

“I think I can fix this problem, though.” She points to the jersey. “Have a pair of scissors around?”

You go over to your vanity and dig out some hair scissors. She takes them and cuts a long triangle up the sides. “Here, now you can wear it and be comfortable.”

You slip the jersey over your white tee and admire her handiwork. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome; now we have a game to watch.” You happily link arms and join your mother in the living room.

“Y/n, your brother is driving me insane.” You roll your eyes when you see her eyes glued to her phone.

“What’d he do this time?” You sit between the ladies and hog a bowl of pretzels as she goes on about Ja’Marr’s post-game dinner requests.

You spend the next half snacking, yelling at the screen (not that you’d ever tell your husband), and listening to your mothers chat about their sons. You fell asleep during the start of the third quarter but woke to the same pain you felt this morning.

“I’m so tired of these fake ass contractions.” You hold on to your belly as the tightening gets worse. “Sorry for my language.”

Your mother shakes her head. “Babygirl, you’re in pain. No one is judging a few curse words, even if we both know you have a sailor’s tongue.”

“Momma, what-whatever, fuck- J told you isn’t- oh my god.” You grab hold of her hand as it’s held out.

“Hey hey, breathe, Y/n, breathe. Are you timing this?” Your mother-in-law nods as alarmed as yours. 

Your eyes squinched, teeth gritted, and you cried out in a pain you’d never felt before. “Mommy!”

“Yeah, baby, I’m right here.” You feel her free hand run your back. You try to do the breathing exercises she tells you and finally exhale when the pain dials down.

“Y/n?” You look up at the woman teary-eyed. 

“I lied, I don’t think these are Braxton hicks. They started a few hours after he left. I thought they were fake until they were happening every other hour. Now there’s even less time between them.” 

“I’m calling your midwife over and texting my son.” Your mother-in-law rubs your leg with a smile.

“Y/n, why didn’t you tell us you were in labor?” 

“Because I’m not. My water hasn’t broken yet, and they aren’t that close together. Tee’s not here. It’s not happening right now. If she wanted to come, it should've been this morning. It can’t be happening.” You shake your head and look up at the TV. As if on cue, your husband catches a pass and runs it to the endzone.

“Aww, babygirl, I know it’s scary, but this is what we’ve been waiting for.” She brings your head to her shoulder.

“The game isn’t over; we can’t just- ohhh fuck it’s back,” you whine as the contractions come back tenfold. You feel it everywhere now, your abdomen, back, pelvis- it was like you were being stabbed and electrified all over.

“Sarah is on her way over, and I called someone to get Tee.”

❁ཻུ۪۪♡

“Great catch, Tee! Great job, baby!” His teammates hollered as the wide receiver jogged over to the bench. 

The Bengals were winning 28 - 18 over the Browns, with both Tee and Ja’Marr catching each pass that came their way. Tee was all smiles as he sat back and took off his helmet. 

“That’s right, boy, show ‘em who's they daddy!” He chuckles as Ja’Marr hypes him up.

“Aight now, only one person can call me that, and she ain’t here yet.” They do their handshake with similar smiles. 

“Now that game gon be special,” Ja’Marr says before one of the sideline managers approaches them. “Hey, what’s the rush?” 

The girl looks at Tee with a sheepish smile.

He furrows his brows. “What’s wrong?”

She catches her breath and then speaks up. “We just got a call from your mom, your wife- Y/n’s in labor.”

“My sister’s in labor! Shit, I guess that day’s today.” Ja’Marr chuckles as his brother-in-law jumps up.

“I gotta go- wait, Coach- fuck.”

“Don’t worry, just go, Taylor knows. Go meet your daughter.” She smiles, ushering him off the field.

“I’ll catch up with y’all later. Take care of them! Good luck!” Tee waves as he runs into the tunnel.  

❁ཻུ۪۪♡

Your midwife, Sarah, arrived at the house minutes after calling her and, making her the third person in your presence who seemed to enjoy your pain. Then, before she could even examine you, you leaned over in pain and felt a small gush of fluids coat your shorts. 

On the way to the birth center, you were shifting between feeling extremely anxious, pure electrocuting pain, and intense worry. Everything was happening so fast, and the fact that your husband wasn’t here was making all your nerves go off. 

“Wow, this room is really nice. I had all my babies in a cheap ass hospital, so I’m not used to this kind of luxury.” Your mom praised as you settled into your birthing room.

“Momma, I’m begging you.” 

Tee still hadn’t arrived yet, it that, along with the fact that you were currently 5 centimeters dilated, was not helping calm your anxiety at all. Sarah and the two moms in the room were doing their best to soothe your aches, but nothing beats the comfort of being in your man’s arms during your time in need.

“Maybe you should rethink the epidural, baby.” Mama T suggests while tying your braids up into a bun.

“Yea, babygirl, it could help. It’s never too late to ask.” Your mom added. 

In return, you shook your head, unable to open your eyes due to the pain. “No, we had a plan. No matter how bad it gets, I don’t want them to take away any of my senses.”

 God, how badly you needed your husband. You wanted him to be the one rubbing your back and helping you through the worst pain you’ve ever felt. How could he not be here right now? He’s been waiting for this day longer than you and is late! 

“Where the fuck is my husband?” You grunt through your gritted teeth.

“He’s on his way sweetheart, just breath.” Sarah coos, earning a deadly side eye from you. 

“I’m going to kill him.”

“How about you think about how happy and relieved you’re gonna be when all this is over and your baby girl is safely in your arms.”

“Why did I let him do this to me?” You groaned, completely ignoring her. As the contraction subsides, you lay your hand over your eyes and let the exhaustion of labor pull you into a shallow slumber.

“Maybe we should start her on some Nitrous?”

❝ ❞ ✧ ೃ༄

About Nine Months Ago..

“My boobs have been absolutely killing me.” You hiss as you palm the tender flesh. 

“Want me to massage ‘em for ya?” You catch the cheeky smile on your husband’s face through the bathroom mirror and shake your head.

“No, Tamaurice, that will make them worse.” 

“Awww, the government name. What did I do this time?” he lightly groans, shuffling into the bathroom like a sad toddler.

“Nothing that this can’t tell us.” You shrug, pulling a box out of a CVS bag. 

“Y/n?”

“Tee?”

“That’s a pregnancy test.” 

Ever since you and Tee got married, you kept a box hidden in the lower cabinet for emergencies. “Yes, it is.” 

“Why do you already have it?” It started as a gag gift from one of your friends. It was a Secret Santa party, and they thought it would be funny since you always joke about how much sex you and Tee have.

“Baby, it’s just a precaution. I could be just PMSing, but we have to rule out the possibility.”

“How many of these have you taken without me knowing?” Enough to know you want this one to be positive.

He turns your body to face his and perfectly reads the longing on your face. You want this to be the last one more than anything.

“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to have a baby?” You shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“Y/n, I’m your husband. Remember that really expensive party on that mountain of snow? That was a wedding.” He chuckles as you slap his chest.

“I’m very aware that we’re married. It only happened eight months ago. I just didn’t want to be disappointed when you said no.” You frown, looking down.

“Hey, hey. Baby, don’t do that; let me see you.” His voice is calm and soft as he lifts your head to see his warm smile. “If you had told me you wanted to have a baby, I would’ve gotten you pregnant the second we got to the islands.” 

“Really?” He lifts you onto the counter so you can be eye to eye and smirks.

“Oh yeah, there’s nothing sexier than my wife walking around with my last name and my baby cooking for all the world to see. Fuck I’d love to see you pregnant with my jersey on. Then, by the end I get to raise a baby that looks just like you. I couldn’t be happier about that. Then after our little prince or princess is old enough and your ready, I’ll fuck you full of me again until there’s no doubt we’ll have another one on the way.”

Hearing him talk about getting you pregnant is so possessive, dirty, raunchy even, but all around absolutely amazing. He wants this just as much as you do, and maybe more. God, you’re lucky.

Grabbing his face, you smile as big as possible. “I love you so much, Tamaurice.” Then press your lips against his.

He chuckles into your lips and gently returns the kiss, wrapping your legs around him and hugging your body. “Ok baby, now don’t you have a test to take?” He asks after slightly pulling away, just enough for his words to come out clearly. You fully lean back and play with the braids on his neck.

“What if it’s negative?”

“Then I’ll spend the next few days making love to you all over this house, and we’ll enjoy every minute of it.” He said as if it was the sweetest dream he’d ever had, then pecked your forehead. “Okay mamas?”

Oh that name brought chills down your spine. You nodded as he lifted you off the counter and onto your feet. Taking a deep breath, you finally open the pink box and take out the test. “Will you stay here with me?”

“Of course, I will; now go pee on that stick mama.” He winks, slapping your butt as you walk into the water closet (private toilet). 

“I’m right here baby!” You roll your eyes but enjoy every bit of his enthusiasm. “I don’t hear any pissing, just giggling.”

“Oh my god, Tee, give it a second!”

“Want me to bring you some water? Actually I have a better idea.” Then he turns on the faucet. What’s not to love about this man?

Moments later, he hears a flush, and you join him back at the counter. “So…”

“We have to wait 15 minutes for the test to develop fully, " you said, putting the stick back in the box and washing your hands.

“You know waiting’s never been my strong suit.”

You roll your eyes and hop onto the counter. “Tell me a secret then.”

“Only if you tell me one.” He challenges laying his hands on your thighs.

“Deal.” You both smirk and count to 3 on your fingers. 

“Ja’Marr wasn’t the one who finished the rice and peas.”

“I hate making pecan pie.”

Your eyes widen while his jaw drops. “Baby, how the hell did you eat a whole pot of rice and peas?”

“Mamas, who gives a shit about the rice. You said you loved pecan pie. You asked my momma for the recipe!” Tee’s grip on your thighs deepens a bit.

“I said it because it was your favorite, and I wanted that second date! You can’t blame me for liking your fine ass. I would pretend to play flag football if it meant you’d like me as much as I did you. You know I hate running.” You whine, wrapping your arms around his neck and pecking his pouty lips.

His lips curve back up in a smile as he chuckles. “You do hate running, so you’ve made that pie every year on my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas shit whenever I mention it all for me. You’ve never liked it once?”

You slowly nod, biting your lip. “Nope.”

A smirk grows on his handsome face, exposing his sparkly teeth. “You must’ve really liked a nigga to be doin’ all the cooking with no ring.” 

You snort, rolling your eyes as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. “Of course I fucking liked you, have you met yourself. You’re probably the most charismatic, fine, intelligent, kind, sexy man I’ve ever met.” You smile, pecking his lips until he meets your lips with more force. 

After the short but sweet kiss, he pulls back from your lips but leaves your foreheads touching. “Damn, I don’t know what I did to deserve a woman like you. But I thank god every day for you. You know I’d do anything for you, too, right? Without you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. After my first year in the league, I was feeling really low. Then, this angel walked onto the practice field and changed my life. There was no way I would’ve turned you down, not when you brought a light to my life I didn’t realize was missing.” You smile misty-eyed as he wipes away a stray tear.

“Shit, the only thing I regret in life is not buying you a ring sooner.” He says, causing you to scoff.

“Oh, two years was too late for you?”

“Oh, yeah. I was ready to be with you forever from day one. Your big-headed brother is the one who told me to wait, " he smirked.

You chuckle, laying a hand on his cheek. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. I’m yours, and you’re mine; everyone else be damned.” His head turns slightly, and he kisses your palm.

“Just me and you, baby.”

Then the timer goes off.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

When Tee finally reaches the birth center, he finds your mother pacing outside.

“Hey, mama J, what’s wrong? Is she alright? Is it the baby? Oh god, what happened?” He asks with his hands going to the top of his head, panicked and looking through doors to see if anything is happening.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here.” She sighs in relief, taking the corner of his shirt and dragging him inside.

“It’s bad, isn’t it? I told her I should’ve stayed home today, but she was too stubborn, and now-

“Now, she can finally relax because you’re here.” She smiles and turns into the room. You smiled immediately upon seeing the love of your life.

“Oh fucking, finally!” Tee lets out the breath he was holding in and rushes over to your bedside. “You took your sweet ass time.”

He chuckles at your grumpiness and lifts your chin for your lips to meet briefly. “I’m sorry, mamas, I got stuck in the pads and walked into a few walls trying to get them off.”

You press your lips together to suppress your laughter. “Okay, that makes everything better, " you say as the chuckles bubble to the surface. While you release your amusement, he admires how adorable you look in your soft pink gown, with your long braids pulled up into a bun and your large bump with a fetal monitor wrapped around it.

“I can’t believe we’re having a baby. How are you so calm right now? I’ve been freaking out since this morning.” He looks over at your contraction waves and goes bugged-eyed by the giant waves produced in contrast to your bubbly appearance. “What the hell?”

“She’s on nitrous.” His mom looks over, smirking. 

“Shit, momma, I forgot you were here.” He nervously chuckles as she walks over to her son and hugs him.

“That’s ok, you have more pressing matters. You should’ve seen her earlier, though. I thought she was gonna start swinging.” The pair look over at you, taking selfies in your hospital bed.

“Now look at her, giving birth and snapping pics, mm mm mm kids nowadays.”

Then, another wave of contractions hit you a bit differently. “Oh shit.” You raise and hug your belly. “Someone call Sarah right now!”

Tee’s brows scrunch. “What’s up?”

“The baby’s coming.” You take the oxygen mask your mom hands to you and take a deep breath. He comes over and puts his hand on your lower back.

“I know, that’s why we’re here.” You shake your head and grab his free hand, squeezing as hard as possible. “Baby?”

“There’s this pressure- a lot of fucking pressure. I feel like I need to push.” You groan out.

“Wait, you mean push push?” He asks wide-eyed.

“Yes, fuck! Oh my god! Fucking shit! Why the hell did I let you do this to me?”

“Ok, we need to order more nitrous.”

“Hello friends, oh Tamaurice, I'm glad you could join us today.” Sarah chimes, walking into the room in full gear.

“Oh, that was fast.” Tee remarks.

“I heard her from down the hall, so I assume it’s baby time!” Your midwife cheers, rolling her stool over to the bed.

Suddenly, all the anxiety from earlier about Tee missing your daughter’s birth evolves into anxiety about the birth itself. “Wait, wait, wait. Baby, I don’t think I can do this. We haven’t thought this through. I’m not ready. I can’t do this.”

“Hey hey hey,” Tee cups your face in his hands and takes in the immense worry in your eyes. “Y/n, you are way more than prepared. You know exactly what to do and have all the strength to do it. You’ve done an amazing job cooking and caring for her in there, but it’s time for her to be in your arms instead of your belly.”

“But what if I’m not a good mom? What if she comes out and we just fuck her up?” Your voice trembles as you lean into him.

“Mamas, you aren’t going to be a good mom- you’ll be the best. Every decision you’ve made in the past year was for her. Our princess is being welcomed by my queen, and my queen only gives her 110%. My queen also has a king who is willing to do any and everything for you. This king is also ready to meet his Princess Ti, and I bet her momma is too.” He pecks your lips and then smiles as your tears dry up.

“Okay, let’s have a baby.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

The following two hours felt like a blur of emotions: voices of your loved ones urging you to push, the hands-on your body holding you up, the exhaustion of the labor wanting to take over. Then, it all fluttered away with a sudden relief and a sharp cry. You immediately slumped back into the bed, the exertion impacting every part of your body. You wanted to fall asleep right there, now that all the pain had drifted away and you felt at ease. 

Then you opened your eyes and saw her.

At first, it was just a tiny head of dark hair. Then your midwife turned around, and there she was, wrapped up in a pink swaddle cloth, one hand swiping at her light brown cheeks and big eyes searching the room. 

“Oh my god.” Your whisper makes her eyes dark right to you, and she lets out a whimper.

“You want your mama, don’t you? Come on, sweet pea.” Sarah coos and you gently place her in your arms. 

“Oh wow, you’re real.” You breathily whisper to yourself. The infant’s eyes stay on you like you're the only person in the world, just like yours stay locked on her. “Hi, baby.” 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Tee leans over to kiss your head. You nod, stroking her tiny cheeks. 

“Yeah, she looks just like her momma.” He smiles, caressing her head.

“She’s amazing, I can’t believe we made her.” You sniffle. “Baby, we’re parents.” You smile, looking up at your husband.

“Speaking of, mom and dad, does our little angel have a name?” 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tee says as he rummages through the bag he brought. 

“What is it?”

He comes back with three black circular velvet boxes, one twice as big as the other two. “Here’s the real reason I was late.” You watch him smile, puzzled, while he hands you the bigger one.

“What is this?” 

“These ones,” he holds up the other two boxes, “are for our little princess from her uncles J and JB.” He smiles, opening one to reveal a small tiara.

Your eyes widen, and a gasp escapes your mouth. “Oh my god, that is the cutest thing I have ever seen.” Tee chuckles as he removes the small cap from your daughter’s head and replaces it with the small crown.

“Joe’s been asking what he should get her for months. I kept saying something fit for a princess. And he definitely delivered. He reminded me to grab it from his locker before I left. He hid it very well.” 

“And the other one?”

“I’ve had this one for a while. I think it was about a month after telling Ja’Marr that he texted me saying he had something for me to pick up.” He opens the second box.

“He didn’t.” You look up at him in complete shock and take it out of his hands.

“Pure gold bracelet, anklet, and ring set, made by the same company in NOLA that made yours. It was so hard to keep it from you; every time you had a slight ache or pain that made your days long and tiring, I wanted to bring it out and cheer you up. Especially when we found out they went out of business. I know you wanted this for our baby girl so badly. J really pulled through with this one.” Your mom joins you, looking at the set in awe. 

“I didn’t even know he knew about that.” She whispers.

“Me neither.” You sniffle as your husband kneels, takes the small bracelet out, and clasps it around your baby’s wrist.

“There are more adjustable chains for when she outgrows this one, but for now, she’s perfect.” He smiles, kissing her tiny hand.

“What about this one?” Your mom points to the box he handed you first. 

“This one is from me to my beautiful bride, who I am forever thankful for and proud of for doing one of life’s hardest jobs and giving me my baby girl.” You blink away tears as he smiles and kisses your hand before sitting on the side of the bed and revealing the last item. “I told you you’d always be my queen. And since our princess already has hers..” 

“Tee, it's beautiful.” Your voice trembled as he lifted an almost identical replica of the tiara on your baby’s head onto your own. 

“Only the best for the loves of my life.” He wipes a fallen tear from your cheek and kisses your head. Shifting over in the bed, you gesture for him to sit closer, and he gladly scoots up next to you.

Sighing in pure contentment, you lay your head on his chest. “Thank you, " you replied softly, yawning, then gently passing the bag to your husband. 

“We gotta make sure the princess lives up to her name. Ain’t that right, Tiana?” He cooes holding her with one arm and you with the other, supporting her head with your body.

“Yea my little girl’s not gonna fall for those little f boy traps, nope. She has a daddy who will show her the universe, so no one can ever top it but yourself. My precious girl, Tiana...

You swiftly drift off into a deep sleep, listening to your husband make promises to her, knowing he will keep.

ʚ❤︎ɞ ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ ʚ❤︎ɞ

A few hours later, after you’ve rested and fed your baby, Tiana receives her first visitor.

“Hey, family, where’s my Titi?” Ja’Marr sings, walking in your room.

Rolling your eyes, you nudge your head to where Tee’s sitting on the lounge chair next to your bed. 

“There she is,” he grins, sitting on the edge of the bed to admire her. “Wow, she’s incredible. You did a great job, sis.” He says, handing you two bags.

“Thank you, and thank you. How was the rest of the game?” you ask, opening the bag of steaming food, which fills the room with a mouthwatering aroma, and digging into your Cajun fries.

“It was okay. Most of the guys were worried about you. But we won, so all is well. They even dedicated the win to baby Tiana.” He chuckles, removing the beanie from his head.

“Holy shit,” you gasp, causing some of the fries to fall onto your gown.

He looks back at you, confused. “What?”

“Oh right, I forgot to tell her you buzzed your hair too.” Tee mentions it as if it was nothing.

“Bro, seriously.” Your brother questions, earning a shrug from your husband.

You continue to stare at him in shock but resume eating. “Did you do it yourself too?”

He shakes his head. “Hell nah, not after what I did to him.” You snort, thinking about the impromptu shape-up you had to give your husband.

“Yeah Tiana didn’t enjoy it either; she kicked so much that day.” 

“Baby, you sure it wasn’t because you overloaded on sugar beforehand?” Tee smirked, stealing one of your fries.

Before you can respond, you hear a whine come from his arms. 

“Oh, I'm sorry, Tiana. Are we not paying attention to you?” You smile at his ‘baby voice’ and look over to watch them interact, like everyone else in the room.

“Damn, she looks exactly like you, Y/n. Especially with the gold.” Ja’Marr winks.

“I still can’t believe you kept them a secret from me for eight months. I cried for days when they announced that they were closing down. I don’t know if you're the best or worst brother doing this to me.” He chuckled, wrapping an arm around you. 

“I think I earned brother of the year with that set.” You snorted, shaking your head.

“Yea, no, not with that haircut. Now go hold your niece.” You ordered, shoving him off the bed.

“Hey, that’s fine by me. Come on,  Titi, it’s Uncle Marr time.” He gave Tee grabby hands until the baby was passed into his arms then he took the seat.

“Thank goodness you don’t look anything like your dad. You might have his last name, but you got all the good Chase features.” Your husband rolls his eyes, joining you on the bed.

Wrapping his arms around you, he sighs softly. “That’s my princess.”

“I know, honey. Think about this: she might not have it now, but when she gets older, I know she’s gonna have your amazing smile.” 

“You think so?” You nodded, then kissed his lips. 

“I know so because that’s the only expression she’s going to know. She’s going to learn that she has the best daddy who always makes sure her momma is smiling. She'll never have to worry with you by her side.” 

He chuckled, showcasing his award-winning smile. “I love you and Tiana so much.”

“We know, right, Titi?” Your daughter wiggled in her uncle’s arms, trying to find your voice, and then a slight whimper started to bubble.

“Oh, come on, Tiana, we were having a moment.” Ja’Marr pouts as the baby’s eyes start crinkling.

“I guess I’ll give you back now, but I will be back, Titi.” He mumbles, handing her to you.

“Oh, my precious princess Ti.”

﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌

a/n: I don't think I've ever worked on a fic as much and as hard as this one. I'm very glad it's finished, so yall enjoy. The final part of this mini series will be out next week!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated and encouraged if you liked this fic.

[velvetvexations]

Saw your tags on that binder post and I thought I’d share that my first introduction to chest binding was actually through the lolita community! A lot of big name japanese brands are not exactly size inclusive and did NOT cater to anyone with more than an A cup, so I did see quite a lot of safe binding advice and methods on blogs and forums back in the day before more inclusive brands became available, ranging from sports bra to actual proper binders. I’m probably not the only example of the “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress” to “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress and gender reasons)” pipeline, but plenty of other lolitas I know are still cis women who just do it on occasion or for specific pieces that aren’t very forgiving on the tits! I doubt that a single niche fashion subculture is the reason for those binders being marketed towards cis women so heavily, but I thought this was a funny anecdote :)

Fascinating!

patricia taxxon shit really fucking hurts. i dont want to be effected by a random internet microcelebrity not liking transdudes, that happens often enough. but god her music and essays got me through really rough shit and it really hurts to see someone i looked up to for well written essays and work fall back on the bullshit arguments used to deny my lived experiences. it really really fucking hurts, especially with how it feels barely anyone will talk about or call it out. i thought trfs were something id have to look hard for, and seeing their rhetoric creep into the fucking music i listen to and tumblrs i follow really truly scares me

I'm sorry, anon. I love you a lot. <3

“You shouldn’t break up the trans community into groups!” The TRFs literally came up with a way to break up the community via TMA/TME. They are actively distancing themselves from the community by baking fearmongering into their ideology. God forbid we create a term about sticking together against a group within the community that’s inherently dividing?

lmao literally

Just had my first time getting sexually harassed by a woman as a percieved cis man and commiserating afterwards with a cis man about how we're all just supposed to be cool with being treated like that. It's a weird experience and somehow going through the same things mostly from women as a girl then nonbinary then a trans guy it feels the same but the flavors change. I know the discourse is literally nothing but it makes me feel like my feelings shouldn't matter because of the male privilege. And I even did my civic duty and took the brunt of it away from the other trans man who was getting it worse because of his percieved feminine traits which people also like to pretend doesn't happen. All of it is just stupid.

It's fine, she was a woman and you're a man so that was praxis sexual harassment.

honestly i think a better predictor of how much autonomy a child is able to have over their presentation is probably whether the child is disabled moreso than agab, like i not only wasn't allowed to have my hair too short, i also wasn't allowed to have it too long for a chunk of my childhood because it took me awhile to understand how to brush my hair (because i was afraid to because i am hypersensitive to touch and my mother would always brush my hair in a way that hurt so much i would cry), and my mother would bitch and moan about how difficult i was about it (because she was hurting me and did not listen when i told her this) and so i wasn't allowed to have longer hair until i could brush it myself. ultimately the biggest factor is always the attitude of the parents though

God, so much of my shit with my mother was over my hair, it still really gets to me.

TRF is like the whole voting for face eating panthers. But it’s like TERFs are the panthers and TRFs are a cheetah, like “I’m a kind of cat too so they won’t eat my face as long as I eat faces too right?” WRONG they see you as prey, they won’t spare you because they see a fellow cat, they’ll eat your face cuz you’re not a panther!

cis women will like me if I explain to them how I'm -taxonomically- a woman

it’s insane to me that ‘it’s bad to hate someone for an uncontrollable part of their identity no matter who they are’ is a controversial take now

we've regressed

when people say ‘um ackshually i can say i want all men to die and if you tell me “men see these things and go far right because they think it’s true” then you are blaming women for men’s bad behaviour’ i just immediately assume that this person is stupid as fuck like. if a teenage boy goes online to see what feminism is about and is bombarded with ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are rapists’ etc then OBVIOUSLY he’s not gonna want to be feminist. it is really not that fucking hard to understand. people don’t wanna be in spaces that are cruel to them for an aspect of their identity that they cannot control it’s not ‘blaming women for misogynistic men’ to say that. it’s just fucking true. people are so stupid it actually pains me

unfortunately radfem juice is addictive

[transandrogyne]

it is true that infantilization is a huge piece of how trans mascs are (mis)treated by society and is worth addressing for that reason, but the way it is currently discussed is inadequate and ironically only serves to reinforce this perception. when you are only capable of understanding transness via an essentialist lens (i.e., sex is innate and trans ppl are ultimately defined by our ASAB specifically), you are inevitably going to play into the same mechanism that causes that infantilization to begin with. so when you go on and on about how traumatized you were as a little girl, how trans women can never understand, or when you focus in on this strange concept that you are socially shunned for not medically transitioning or "passing" or whatever else, what you are doing is reaffirming over and over that trans men are nothing but traumatized women who are frozen in time and that we can never be anything but those battered and abused little girls -- that your experience is inseparable from that concept, that it is essentially that concept.

and that is literally what transphobes have been arguing ever since they became really aware of trans men. i remember seeing this blog post a decade or so ago from a TERF who insisted that brandon teena was just a traumatized lesbian emulating abuse he sustained as a child, and when i went to the comments i saw the exact same speculation about a mutual i had on tumblr at the time. when i came out to my family, my grandpa was initially accepting of it in the sense that i wasn't flat-out rejected, but his reasoning was that my father had abused & brainwashed me into thinking i was a man, only to be later disowned when i finally started hormones. and even 3 years later, this is STILL what my family thinks, and they won't use my name or pronouns or anything.

i am up against some significant issues as a trans adult. i am organizing people as my rights are under attack from my state attorney general and legislature, attacks that could easily threaten my ability to work in my field, and then i log on and see all these people online who insist that the real threat to trans men are fandom politics and DIY-ers and the icky evil yucky trans women who want people to stop being (trans)misogynistic. and when i talk about this, when i complain about how useless this is and how much it's setting back all trans people, this same group views ME as a threat! ppl often jump to call me a transmed or even a trans woman! so many assumptions made about me! it's incredible.

but this is really all to say that there's a certain online culture of trans mascs that very much self-infantilize because it makes it so much easier to avoid accountability, deflect criticism, and self-victimize. it also makes it easier to stew in your dysphoria and reject any autonomy. it turns any meaningful discussion about trans mascs and our experiences and how we fit into the broader social structures into a joke. we deserve better than that.

[sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan]

Silently Suffering

Ex!BSF/BF!Matt x Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of break up, crying, & probably more !

Author's Note: Happy New Year's Eve! Here's a lil angst to ✨ spice ✨ up your day :) I wrote this while listening to a super sad playlist on Spotify. Both these songs played, and inspired me to write a story!

To read more about this au, click here !

Songs in This Fic: "Six Feet Under" & "i love you" by Billie Ellish ♡

Word Count: 1,194

I do NOT give permission for my work(s) to be copied, translated, or re-uploaded to ANY site!

Want more like this? Visit my masterlist !

Taglist: @forgottxen @ariastur9z

Comment, personal message, or ask via my inbox to be added to my taglist!

Divider by: @bernardsbendystraws ♡

Reblogs are always appreciated, but never needed :)

Three months had passed since you and Matt decided to call it quits. The decision wasn't easy, but the relentless hate from his fans had become too much to bear. The once joyful relationship, which had been proudly displayed on his Instagram and in the YouTube videos with his triplet brothers, Nick and Chris, was now just a painful memory.

You remember the exact moment you decided to end things.

“Our love is six feet under

I can't help but wonder

If our grave was watered by the rain

Would roses bloom?"

It was a rainy day, fittingly somber, when you told Matt you couldn't handle the negativity anymore. The look in his eyes broke you, but you knew it was for the best.

Matt wasn't feeling any better. Despite Nick and Chris's efforts to get him to focus on his career, he was stuck in a loop of despair. Every social media post, every video felt empty without you by his side.

"It's not true

Tell me I've been lied to

Crying isn't like you"

He couldn't move on, and neither could you. The pain was mutual, and the absence of your lifelong friendship made it even harder to cope.

Your mind was brought back to Kindergarten, the day you met Matt and his brothers. You were swinging on the swing set at your school's playground, the world blurring around you as you swung back and forth. You were shocked, and hurt, when a soccer ball came flying to the back of your head.

“Ouch!” You had screeched, jumping off the swing and bringing your hand to your head. You looked around the playground, trying to find the culprit. Your eyes landed on this small group of boys who seemed practically identical. You picked up the ball, stomping over to their sheepish gaze.

“Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit girls?” you asked sassily, tossing the ball to the ground in front of them. One of the boys at the end spoke up finally, “It was an accident, we swear!” You only rolled your eyes, crossing your little kid arms in front of your chest with your foot tapping the mulch angrily.

“Well, I expect an apology because that hurt!” You'd told them, scanning their almost identical faces. Your eyes landed on the boy standing in the middle. Even back then, he had made your heart skip a beat. He had stared at you with this intensity that made your stomach churn with butterflies.

“I'm sorry about that. Our brother, Nick, isn't very athletic like Chris and I,” the boy had said, pointing to his brother on one side, then at his other before holding his hand out for you to shake. “I'm Matt, by the way. And yes, before you ask, we are triplets,” you couldn't help but laugh at his words. You were sure they were constantly getting asked that.

You took his hand in yours, shaking up and down once before quickly letting go. His hand was warm from presumably working up a sweat playing soccer. Yours were clammy too, from gripping the handles of the swing. “Wanna play with us?” Nick had offered.

You quickly agreed, kicking and passing the ball around with the three brothers. Maybe these boys weren't so bad. You had always wanted friends, perhaps these boys could be that for you.

You didn't realize it, but you were crying. The memory tugging at the strings of your heart. You were hurting. More than you'd ever like to admit.

“Retrace my lips, erase your touch

It's all too much for me

Blow away like smoke in air

How can you die carelessly?”

As you sat alone in your room, tears streaming down your face, you couldn't help but wonder how Matt was doing. Meanwhile, Matt was at his house, surrounded by his brothers. They were playing a game in the living room, but Matt's mind kept drifting back to the past.

Lately, he found himself thinking about you more and more. He missed the days when things were simpler, when a game of soccer could make everything better.

His brothers noticed his distraction. "Hey, Matt, you okay?" Nick asked, concern evident in his voice. Matt forced a smile, trying to shake off the melancholy. "Yeah, just thinking about old times," he replied.

As he sat there, he realized that no matter how much time had passed, some memories never truly fade.

“What the hell did I do?

Never been the type to

Let someone see right through”

You picked up your phone, trying to distract yourself from the overwhelming emotions. You opened TikTok, hoping for a momentary escape. As you scrolled through your feed, you stumbled upon an old edit of you and Matt. The video was a compilation of little clips: the two of you cuddling, laughing, holding each other, and looking at each other like you were the only ones in the room.

The memories hit you like a tidal wave, and you began to cry harder, unable to hold back the flood of emotions.

"They're playin' our sound

Layin' us down tonight

And all of these clouds

Cryin' us back to life

But you're cold as a night”

The triplets had gone to bed, but Matt couldn't sleep. He was in his room, alone. His mind was flipping through images of you. The memories of it all caused tears to cascade down his cheeks.

“Up all night

On another red-eye

I wish we never learned to fly

Maybe we should just try

To tell ourselves a good lie

I didn't mean to make you cry”

You turned off your phone, frustrated and hurt even more than before. Three months, and it all still hurt the same. You didn't understand it. Why did people have to be so cruel? You missed Matt. Now more than ever.

He'd hold you at times like this. When all you needed was reassurance and whispers of sweet nothings. Those nothings were everything, though.

But he wasn't here. He wasn't with you. Not in your bed, holding you and telling you it was all okay. Because it wasn't. Nothing was okay. You weren't okay.

“Help, I lost myself again

But I remember you”

Matt's mind went back to the time he took you to New York City. Just the two of you on a romantical getaway. At least that's what you had called it. A romantic trip to get away from it all. That was four months ago. One month before you had broken up with him.

“The smile that you gave me

Even when you felt like dying

We fall apart as it gets dark

I'm in your arms in Central Park

There's nothing you could do or say”

As you cried yourself to sleep, you couldn't help but mourn. Mourn the loss of not just a relationship with Matt, but the friendship of him and his brothers.

“Six feet under

I can't help but wonder

If our grave was watered by the rain”

Matt's eyes grew heavy, sleep slowly taking over his body. He couldn't help it.

“I don't want to

But I love you”

You and Matt both were silently suffering.

[sea-of-dust]

Joker,Akechi,Futaba,Haru x GN!Reader

You made a doll out of them, time to make them think they're one with it

N: I need those idv skins bro every ask is 5 bucks/heavy j. This post shall multiply my luck by 10 fold no 100 fold!!! I WILL GET FUTABA I WILL GET HARU I WILL GET FUTABA I WILL GET HARU RAAAAA

"That doesn't look like me" you pick up the doll and widen it's arms "where my hug at?" Imatating his voice, he goes to wipe his eyes, hitting his glasses, yet still doing the gesture. "Son?"

He would smush his face, twiddle with its hair, all the gestures you'd do to him. "Is my face really this smushable?" He pinches the cheeks of the doll. "Yea" you pinch his actual cheeks

He'd actually treat it like his son. "Why are you doing his laundry?" The doll stares at you with a towels wrapped around its head and waist it's clothes swashing around in a small kids washing machine. "Where did you even get that?" "A friend sent me an address on where to find em" it's silent as you watch the washing machine whirr. "Sooo" "soon I'll teach how to do it himself" he goes to wipe his eyes, only to hit his glasses again and still going through with the gesture.

Don't make him new clothes...either of them. His first thoughts when you show him the dolls new outfit is ask where to find the human sized versions. "It's just clothes you already have" you put headphones around the dolls neck "I don't have those" you find them instantly showing them to him. ".." "you can match with him" he would send you pictures of him smiling wider than a cartoon character with a matching outfit to the doll

Morgana would accidently talk to the poor doll instead of him. "He's so werid right mini joker?" The doll stares into oblivion "I know right" he'd have deep conversations with that doll, you accidently made Morgana a ride or die partner

"How amusing" you show him the doll holding it up by its hands. "It's you" "it isn't it dosent have any physical resemblance to me" you look at the doll and look back at him. "I think this is your long lost good twin"

He'd stare at it if you weren't in the room. It's soulful little eyes it's little smile. "Akechi why are you in a roll of tape?" He turns thinking your speaking to him only to see you pull his imposter out of the tape.

He'd wouldn't interact with it much besides tying it to celling fans, eventually he did examine it. The attention to detail was top notch, the parting of his hair the details on his clothes. He caught himself smiling at these features. "I see you're growing fond of him" he almost throws it but instead hides it behind his back. "I don't know what you're talking about"

You can't be away from minikechi, the life sized one would bring pictures of you three. Either to use as proof as you mearly breathing near the doll, or because he misses you and the doll was just in frame. "I wasn't touching him" he smirks "really now?" "Yea really" he pulls out a picture of the doll falling on your face. "He fell on me that's gravity"

He's gonna open a seam at one point. Maybe a lot depending on the saw traps he gets put through. He takes this as an opportunity to try and learn how to sew. "Okay wear this" you place a thumb cap over his finger. "What's this?" "It's so you don't poke yourself" he'd take what he's learned from you fixing the doll and minor clothing repairs to "pay you back" by fixing torn things that could be fixed via stich. Would complain after and that's how you know he did it. "That took too long for just a few stitches" "don't use a whole wingspan worth of string next time"

"NOOOOOOO" her scream of anguish would have vibrated the house "I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT" "right about what?" "REN SAID YOU CAME INTO HIS ROOM AT MIDNIGHT TO STEAL MY HAIR AND PUT IT IN A DOLL" "I wasn't there for your hair" "oh" "I was there for answers he forgot to send them to me so I put whipped cream on his hand"

She loves it, convinced to make it a tiny ufo. She'd look up a little too many paper 3d sites to make one, finally finding one and barely able to put it together, she had to call the one person she knew!! "INARI!!" "I'm a painter, I'm afraid I may only be able to help with design and not overall structure" he still comes over to help tho

UFO SET UP, mini futaba put in! Yusuke praising it to God, and the mini futaba totally not being held up by string so she doesn't stress out the paper (suggested by you) "it's cute" your famous last few words before seeing a white spot on the ufo "oh you missed a spot-" "INARI NO"

She'd try to make her own doll of you. "3d printing y/n!!" She giggles to herself as she stitches carefully around the dolls head, she's continue to hype herself up, and then come to leblank like a zombie

The doll replaces her at video calls. Sojiro calling? "Dolltaba speaking!" "Can you tell Ren to get up" "Okey doki!" Sojiro had to get used to it, not like he could tell her to stop either she just went harder taping a printed paper with her face onto the doll so she could keep using it for Webcams.

"Really?" Her eyes widen when the doll looks at her. Touching its features. As long as she doesn't look down you can convince her the doll and her share consciousness

You'd catch her trying to tone her skills with it. "Haru?" "Yes?" "Why are you glaring at the doll like that?" "To practice my skills" she stares even harder at the mini haru. "You're gonna pop a vein" "all in a days work" without a secound of hesitation you speak up once again "are you trying to explode her with your mind?" Her eyes widen, her head nearly snapping to you and back at the doll staring even harder. "Alright that's enough no mind explosions" "but y/n!" "You don't have powers"

"Would you like tea?" The dolls 1000 yard stare answered for it l, you pouring it pretend tea. "Truely a spleaded tea party" "indeed" you both extend your pinkeys to a painful degree. You two would enjoy actual snacks while leaving nothing for a doll, this would sadden her. "We should buy doll food" "Haru her mouth is string how is she gonna eat?" "Are you familiar with the plastic food for kids toys?" Finally the doll could join in being an estimened guest

There's hair matienece..for both. At the same time. "You have more curls than a lala loopsey doll" you carefully comb its hair "I should stop using yarn" finish it up with a plastic hairclip that totally wasn't from a discount store and she'd nearly instantly ask for the same thing. She'd come to school with a diffrent sweater to match the hair pieces making Ryuji think she had been switched with ghost

The only person with a near perfect condition doll. Because she keeps mini haru in a case. "Haru I appreciate the fact you care to keep her clean, but she's being held hostage" "your right.." You sigh, thinking she's agreed with you. "I'll need to buy her a home!" Your eyes shoot open, too late now you're already assembling mini Haru her own home. Atleast she lives rent-free

[telekinetic-electronica]

bendy, "ink demon", and trauma responses

I've recently got back into Bendy. (tbh this shit is never gonna be going away this has been my special interest for 7 years FDKJNDSJKFD) and I did some thinking on him again. It's crazy to me on how... dehumanized Bendy was. While, yes, he's not an actual human, but he's still, y'know a person. He has feelings, he's conscious. He just doesn't have a soul. Which brings me to this post. The Ink Demon has never been called by Bendy. Which, you're all like "well, duh. That's his ink form. His other form is his toon form, just to tell which forms apart." I know that's possible the case. But I do wanna look into this attitude a bit more. When Bendy was first created, Joey literally called Bendy a THING, and for him to lock him away because he wasn't what he wanted. His literal crime was looking scary. So, Thomas Connor and Gent by the request of Joey, locked Bendy away for... God knows how long. Tbh, it's never clear on how Bendy ever acts, but Bendy was probably scared out of his mind. Can you imagine you're finally made and some people are talking. You have no idea what's going on, but this Joey dude says that you're wrong. You came out wrong. You are a mistake. You're suppose to be loveable, silent, and small. But you're not that. You're tall, empowering, posing, and not even a real chance to prove you're not as scary as you look. You aren't even called by your name, nor the title you would gain via your infamy. You are a thing. You are not someone who has emotions or needs, a thing. You are a monster. Now, you're locked away, probably terrified, and calling for help but people around you are too scared of you to help or don't wanna face the wrath of this Joey Drew.

I think Alice said this best back in Chapter 4 of the original game. At the studio, you were in someone's pocket, or someone was in yours. The studio was a disaster pit. Even if not everything happened was "real" or w/e, Joey was still a dickhead to everyone around him. Bendy was no exception. I think Bendy probably learned the best way to survive the studio, and the harsh reality around him was to manipulate. Bendy is a pretty good manipulator, he can get into someone's head, mess with them, and still taunt them. No one is born or created evil. That's a learned method.

In extreme cases of trauma, many people are in survival mode and thinking about themselves to survive, and how they can get by. This is because their safety, wants, and needs weren't being met. Not to mention, Joey and Gent just threw Bendy into the cartoon world, probably to just lock him away forever. Joey locked Bendy up for God knows how long, and now he's in this like- cartoon world version of the studio. He goes from nothing to everything in one fell swoop. This just made Bendy retreat more into himself. It just made his coping mechanism of always having to be on top, always being in control, the one everyone needs to fear. Because, fuck it.

If he's so horrible, if he's so monstrous, if he's so terrible, than he'll just become it. Minus when Bendy meets Audrey in his toon form, Bendy doesn't have anyone. Bendy has never been shown any warmth, kindness, or love in his entire life. The only thing he does know is pain, suffering, coldness, been abandoned, and been made out to be a monster. Which brings me to this - no one has every called the Ink Demon by his real name.

Even when he's technically no longer being locked away, and ruling the cartoon studio, he's still been dehumanized. Or never seen as a fellow victim of the machine and Joey. Everyone has said to BEWARE the Ink Demon, look out for him, and watch your back. The one rule down there was always beware the Ink Demon. Hell, Bendy calls himself the Ink Demon. Bendy has just embraced the title of being seen as this almighty, opposing figure. People either blindly worshipped him or feared him. They never saw him as someone who was unjustly hurt. Unjustly locked away and abandoned. Unjustly painted as a monster because he didn't turn out the way Joey wanted him to be.

You know who has called Bendy by his name? Someone, for the first time, called him by his real name and not some title?

Audrey.

Audrey is the first person to show Bendy any kindness or warmth. While, yes, it was in his toon form. He actually gets treated like a person. Someone who has emotions, and even APOLOGIZED when she, on accident, hurt him. And Hell, dude accepts it! I really hope, going forward, as a way for Bendy to heal when he's in his Ink Demon form, Audrey shows him the same compassion and kindness in that form of his. But she also calls him by his name. Bendy. Not to mention...

The cycles are interesting to me. It could possibly just being a plot thing. But it could be seen as a continuing of generational trauma and toxicity, and Audrey is the one who stops it. Joey clearly has some shit going on. He hates not being in control and wants to be in control of how other people perceive him. So, he turns out destructive towards everyone. Which is... eerily similar to how Bendy treats his own trauma. Bendy and Joey were physically and emotionally destructive to the people around them. It's also kind of sad because Bendy thinks he's in control of the studio. Dude says it's his domain, when Joey was still in control all along.

Bendy is continuing that toxic cycle. Then Wilson comes along and projects his own trauma, and issues. While the cycle stopped, Wilson didn't make it any better, and probably made the cycle for everyone in the studio just worse. By Audrey having the book now, she's putting a stop to the generational trauma via helping out everyone still trapped and helping Bendy out. That's why I've been calling Ink Demon, Bendy.

Because that's his name, after all.

ADD ON-; I just wanna say that Bendy was HARDCORE self projecting on Audrey near the end. I also wanna touch on Bendy and suffering. Bendy was so miserable, and had nobody he just gave into his own suffering, and became the Ink Demon. If he has to suffer, he's going to make everyone else in the studio suffer. He only found any purpose was in harming others. Also, obvious disclaimer this doesn't justify what he does to the people he has hurt. It explains it, doesn't justify it.

It's just downright depressing that he thinks he had no purpose, his existence was a lie, thought of himself as a mistake, and monster. To be frank, I wouldn't be surprised if Joey called Bendy a monster or a mistake. He did call Bendy a THING after all. I really hope Bendy does get to heal and realize his purpose doesn't need to be him suffering and he can have SOME peace.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: message from your past lover/crush

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

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pile 1

you two couldn't be together because the universe was testing you both as to whether or not you were ready for a new level of relationship. the universe wanted to see if you could break old patterns - i sense that you both accomplished this test. now it is up to you both to make peace with your past relationships, so you can continue to welcome new energy into your romantic lives. if you are wondering why this person couldn't be here, it was because you both had different visions for the future. their's wasn't a shared common plan or even a solid foundation to keep you together through this part of life.

what they want to let you know is that they were too worried about status and reaching milestones (in life and romantically) to even try and slow down to enjoy a connection with you. they couldn't be in the moment and simply enjoy life - they were too in their head and they are sorry about it. they hope that you find the right relationship at the right time - just be patient and continue to take care of yourself.

staying together or trying to be together would have lead to delusions. things would not have been as they appeared. at first, things would have been too good to be true and quickly you would have learned why. rapid movement often leads to the fizzling out of emotions... too much good leads to a boring connection for a majority of people - you need some conflict to keep the connection interesting and evolving.

i feel like your unrealistic expectation for them was that they were ready to settle down and establish themselves. they weren't. you wanted them to be ready, and you were determined to believe that they were when they weren't. they weren't ready to be with you, you just wanted them to be ready.

its good you aren't together because someone exciting is going to be entering your life, perhaps via a friend. put yourself out there - participate in activities. you might meet them on a vacation, if that is coming up for you. be open to people who you wouldn't typically think of because you assume they will be temporary or that you would assume it would only amount to a fling with them.

what you learned from them was how to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe won't steer you wrong long term. you know now that you can't fear the unknown - everything is just lessons that are meant to expand your consciousness and present you with opportunities. everything that happens to you in the romantic sense is just a part of your personal and spiritual evolution.

the deck says that in 8 weeks or the fall is when you will be ready for the next chapter.

pile 2

you can't be together and you know exactly why. you are confident in yourself and you know your worth. you are worth much more than you were receiving. so it is time that you put yourself out there to meet new people - don't be afraid to show your vulnerability with new people. you need to be open about what you perviously experienced so that you can avoid repeated lessons and reasons for breakups. you latest crush/relationship was tore about you because they were intimidated by your intelligence and your effectiveness in communication was too much for them. they weren't mature enough to match your energy, so they likely ghosted you.

something they never got to say to you was that you shouldn't be as sure as you are. a person is never done learning. you might have came across as cocky and unwilling to understand their perception. there is something to learn in every situation and from every perspective - you just need to be open to do so.

if you tried to make the connection work, you would have lost your spunk. eventually, you would have found yourself incapable of being able to fully express yourself. you would have been incapable of finding joy, playing around, and even be present - you would have become too stoic and wrapped up in your unhappiness and incapable of having fun and laughing.

your unrealistic expectation was that you would never argue or have conflict with them - all relationships have conflict where both sides are heard. it is more about how you manage yourself than it is the fight itself. it helps you to evolve and learn each others triggers - to not fight is to remain ignorant of each other issues, triggers, etc. you want to have a relationship that grows and blossoms, then be open to arguments.

it's for the best that you aren't together because the connection moved too quickly. you both let your excitement of what could happen cloud the reality of the situation. i also sense that they were not just being pursued by you - they had several people's interest.

what you can learn from this experience is that a situation can change at any moment in time, so enjoy it while it lasts. let go of what out stays its welcome - whether it is behavior that is not right or dating patterns. you need to make space for new possibilities when your situation is starting to feel stale.

the deck says that in 5 days (or rather you should have been ready 5 days ago during the aquarius new moon when i was writing/editing this) or spring is when you will be ready for the next chapter.

pile 3

you couldn't be together because there was an imbalance in the connection. I sense that someone was a bit too codependent in this connection. they relied too heavily on their partner to fulfill their needs and had unrealistic expectation for the relationship. in order for any connection to world you have to be able to find your own happiness without depending on another person to provide you with this happiness you seek. someone was too greedy in this connection and someone was too hard on themselves because they tried to make the connection work for a very long time and it just wasn't working. someone cared about how they appeared together more than the other person did - perhaps they were a bit too self-centered. someone still needs to work on their generosity.

something they never got to say to you was that they love you. they truly loved you - they weren't ready to say it at the time but it is true. they really do wish you well. they hope you are happier now than you were with them. they hope you are out somewhere having fun and doing what you have always dreamed to. they also kind of hope that maybe someday you will reconnect with them and if it can't be romantic than at least you can be friends with one another.

this is a connection that had it coming; it just had to end. you both were not ready. you were in two very different places in life and two very different states of mind. you weren't ready for the connection to be what it was. you were both clinging to each other for a very different reason thus it had to end. it is okay they you don't reach out to them. hell it is okay, if you don't reach out to them for a long long time. they love you. they just know that you both need to start fresh and see what else is out there.

your unrealistic expectation of them was that your disputes/disagreements would move to some sort of resolution. you are both very different people and very different people have very different manners of dealing with things. you wanted to move forward and they didn't want to. you might have been an agree to disagree person, while they wanted you to see things from their point of view. one side was always unheard in the connection and it just strained the connection. there was no moving on - to expect that you could was silly in their eyes. perhaps one of your arguments crossed a line you weren't fully aware existed.

it's for the best that you aren't together because someone felt hesitant about taking action and moving forward with the relationship. you should never have to think about whether or not you want to be with someone - the second you have to wait for a moment and think means that you should be on your own to contemplate romantic partnership in general. there was a fear about timing and being out of the comfort zone that each of you knew romantically. passion alone is often not enough when it comes to a partnership.

what you can learn from this experience is that there is a disconnection between you and the other person in most of your relationships. it is okay to admit that too. perhaps you are someone who has a lot of faith that things will just work or one day they will be ready or one day they will commit. it is okay to have faith, but again, if you aren't connecting and hearing what the person is saying (for example, maybe they did tell you they weren't interested in committing to a relationship) then perhaps that is something to reflect on. don't give up - your partner is out there. in the meantime, listen to what others are saying and trust that they mean what they say. it is okay if the truth hurts - you have the power to heal.

the deck says that in 4 months or summer is when you will be ready for the next chapter or to reconnection with this person like I said earlier.

[helluvapurf]

*deep breathes* Sooo, those last couple mins from the latest "Full Moon" ep... lets talk about that🍵🍵

Welp, here it is folks... the ep that finally gave us that hyped up "Asmodeon crystal" exchange teased at in the S2 Pt. 2 trailer. And... hooooo boi, I have formed so. many. thoughts. upon rewatching that scene a few times. Some that are... kiiiinda on the rant-y spectrum the more I lingered on 'em, so how bout I share them here lmao

Fair warning in advance, this maaaaay not be particularly "nice" to Stolas in these rambling thoughts, so if anyone out there's a big Stolas(+itz) fan... yall might wanna skip reading ahead- lol .w.;;

*claps*

Okay, so to start things off on a (semi?) positive note, the animation & lighting here is quite beautiful to look at. The glittery curtains, the shine in Blitz's eyes throughout his shifting emotions, even the shots of that one broken chandelier (which I thiiink might've been the same one him & Stolas played under as kids?) was a neat bit of symbolism ngl.

Props to Brandon Rogers as well for his voice-performance on Blitz here cause... gawd did it hit me in the heart how much hurt you feel from his yelling ;-;💔

Curious to see more of the use of Blitz's new Asmodeon crystal in future adventures (esp from that one shot in the trailer w/ him using the portal effects against the DHORK crew), it looks cool~ ✨👍

....ummmm, ok I think that about covers my positives atm. Onto the problems I have with this exchange:

Stolas... okay, you were this close to actually doing a good job ending the Full Moon deal. Admitting to how "wrong" the transaction part of their dynamic was, allowing Blitz more "freedom" via-the crystal (that could also help avoid any legal issues that the Grimoire gave), even wishing him good luck with his I.M.P. business as the night drew to a close... ...buuuuut then Stolas just had to muddle everything up by his whole "even tho you don't have to be with me, I want you with me if you want it~🥺" ...which honestly came off selfish to me than anything else?? Like, dude... if you really ARE regretful of how long you let this deal go for, and truly DO want to let Blitz go... you CAN'T throw in such sappy, lovey-dovey words on top of that?? Otherwise, how can one blame Blitz for getting as confused & flustered as he was throughout that convo... you've basically just sent even more mixed-messages in the grand scheme of things, my dude-🤦‍♀️

"I have wanted you for SO long, the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that its always about sex..." ...Ummmmm Stolas... did you seriously forget HOW this whole deal of yall's started?? 🤨 Waaaay back in the initial-series pilot, to the first official ep, and pretty much the majority of Season 1:

As far as I checked, Blitz wasn't the one who kept making everything about sex... that. was all. YOU. 😒Heck, literally one of the first things you told Blitz upon reuniting as adults in "The Circus", was that you expected he wanted to "ravish" you-

-so like, get outta here with the whole pushing-the-perv-responsibility-bs onto Blitz... you ain't helping your case >>

Finally... like, it was already getting bad enough by the point of Blitz begging & pleading out of fear he'd lose his livelihood without the book, AND not being allowed space to breathe after getting further pushed away (and thus, more pissed off-)... but THEN on top of all this, Stolas just haaaaad to throw in this lil gem: "Blitz... I think so very highly of you. I didn't realize you think so low of me..." ...Stolas, with all due respect... stfu with that lousy, last-minute uwu-ing self-pity party crap😑Just because you TRIED to show more attentive care & concern post-"Ozzie's", outside of the typical bedroom stuff... that ain't gonna prove shit if you're not gonna be consistent with it. Where was that "high opinion" of Blitz during the two of you getting stuck in the sitcom set during "Seeing Stars", when Blitz was having that panic attack performing live, where all you ended up doing was... just hitting on him/praising his bedroom skills again?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Like... couldn't you have just, I dunno... TRY to actually cheer him up/comfort him like an actual friend, would? Encourage him on his jokes, "just be yourself", promising another way out of there on his own merit... literally, anything could've worked fine and it wouldn't have come off so skeezy imho >>;;

...*sighs* so, yeah... thats basically what I had to get off my chest regarding the ending of "Full Moon". Honestly, had the writers actually committed to Stolas cutting off Blitz (even if harsh), giving the crystal with no strings, then going about their separate ways afterwards, I would've been totally fine with the scene tbh. But all this... odd lowkey-blaming of Blitz thrown in, the sappy words, and Stolas not once actually-apologizing during all this (Like, literally I checked and the only utterance of "sorry" seemed to come from Blitz's end before he got kicked out... for what, I dunno- 🤷‍♀️). Sorry for the length btw, but hopefully that about covers my thoughts on the matter-

[ai-art-thieves]

Alright, last update on this whole plant profile pic thing.

And I really do mean it this time because I am just as tired as everybody else.

crippled-peeper said nothing.

Let me be clear that I did not start this mess.

This all started because an anon accused crippled-peeper of having a profile picture that was ai generated.

evrl0ng supported the accusation's claim with this image:

Which we had later discovered to be directly from tumblr's website code, whether you find it via an inspect element or just tapping the icon in the mobile app.

An anon sent me a message about this, and I investigated.

I found evidence that supported the claim.

But I wanted to wait for a response from him.

....then rjalker came in and unloaded accusations of ableism and transphobia, which I got notified about.

I had to make another post that had to also disprove those claims, as well as analyzed the image further.

As more and more evidence piled up, it was starting to get less and less likely that he was innocent. Especially with his behavior online. It just made him look so much worse.

We checked the source, we inspected element, we even had to triple check to make sure it wasn't a compressed jpeg.

Nope. It was looking like it was ai.

So if you read this, crippled-peeper, (and it's probably going to be unlikely) just know that I am sorry. I am sorry for all the shit that got thrown in your way, and I deeply apologize for getting your friends involved.

I got more and more mad the more people just believed that this one obviously ai generated pixel potted plant was not, well ai generated.

I felt like I was losing my goddamn mind and I just wanted to prove someone, anyone, that I wasn't losing it. Even though I already did.

I just didn't like people twisting words around. I just didn't like people trying to make shit up. And I cracked under the pressure.

That said...

You could've proved to the anon that the image wasn't ai by actually showing the damn image. I don't care if you were pissed, you had the opportunity to do so and you blew it.

If you think that this moment is going to give me "guilt and anxiety", spoiler alert: it's not.

I am not going to have "guilt and anxiety" over pathetic internet drama that got started by one of your followers.

You wanna know why? Because it's pathetic internet drama.

And you wanna know what else can happen from pathetic internet drama? Character development.

This is pathetic internet drama that I'm going to leave behind, and I'm going to become a better detective by learning from all the mistakes I made.

I want you to grow as a better person as well. My advice? Break yourself from that negative feedback loop.

Case Closed.

--------------

P.S.: Please do not harass crippled-peeper or any of his friends. I already did enough damage.

[bookofmirth]

how might acotar5 start?

This post has spoilers for hofas!!!!!

The intention of this post is to talk about how SJM might connect hofas and acotar5 narratively. It is purely thinking about the logistics of the situation, not where the plot could go in the future.

I will have a follow-up post with discussion about why Az makes even more sense as the next MC, based on everything we learned in hofas that strengthens my rationale from acosf and hosab. I decided that Azriel as the main character and Azriel as the connection POV are too much for one post, and slightly separate (though obviously overlapping) arguments.

So let's go!

After the crossover in hosab/hofas, the narrative needs to take into account a few things:

We have readers who don't want to read 2000+ pages of urban fantasy and want to be able to stick to acotar and fully understand that series in itself

Readers who read both series and don't want a bunch of repetitive scenes

sjm needs to think about how to communicate the information that was learned in hosab/hofas, or at least the information that is vital for moving forward with the acotar plot, in acotar5 that accounts for both those perspectives.

So how does sjm manage all of those tasks?

Azriel's POV

Starting perhaps just before Bryce landed in Prythian, though it could potentially start right where acosf left off. Allow me to explain.

Azriel was preset for a majority of the crossover, but he wasn't with Bryce the entire time. This is important! Because he was in and out of the Hewn City, this gives us an opportunity to see what was happening outside of Bryce's perception. Azriel's pov means:

We could see how the IC reacted initially to Bryce's arrival.

We could see their decision-making process in terms of what to do with Bryce

We could see if they made use of the research that was being conducted on other worlds

Bryce goes straight from landing in Velaris at the end of hosab, to being in the Hewn City at the beginning of hofas. We could learn how they came to that decision to take her there. That's not super important, but possible with Az pov.

We could also get a moment away from Bryce where Az is thinking about his own emotional reactions to everything happening with Truthteller, perhaps getting better insight into why he is reacting the way he is when it is near Gwydion, and how he feels upon learning the information about the Asteri making the Illyrians, and the info about Ramiel, about Enalius. We learned a LOT that is relevant to Az, and have almost nothing in terms of his reaction to it.

We could also get a better idea of how this knowledge is changing the IC in real time, as they are grappling with the implications.

This also means that the information we learn via the info dump in hofas could be supplemented with what Rhys already knows, based on Merrill's research. It wouldn't just be a verbatim repetition of Silene's story, but a fuller picture that includes what the IC knows and further implications for Prythian.

We could also get more insight into the argument that occurs as a result of Nesta letting Bryce borrow the mask. It ended up being a huge source of friction, but right now, we have zero knowledge of what was actually said between the IC when they found out.

One of the most important points here is narrative: everything that we learned in hosab/hofas was from Bryce's point of view. The narration didn't have to do that. Instead, the omniscient narrator could have given us insight into Azriel and Nesta's feelings. However, sjm kept that relatively close to the chest. For example:

“What is it?” Nesta asked Bryce, motioning to her back. “How is a bit of writing on your skin … Made?” “I can’t answer the question until you tell me what the fuck Made means.”

SJM does not fill in the gaps for Bryce, for readers who have only read Crescent City. Someone coming from acotar obviously knows the importance of the tattoo being a Made object, but sjm isn't doing anything to help out CC-only readers, here. She is working from Bryce's perspective only, and Bryce has no idea. This is just one example of what Bryce's perspective read like; the entire thing is like this, Bryce trying to piece information together while the omniscient narrator chooses not to fill the reader in on what Bryce doesn't know. This means that, again, we have no idea how the IC and other acotar characters responded to these events, other than how Bryce can observe them responding.

Azriel is quite literally the perfect go-between between the CC and ACOTAR series, as he was both observing Bryce and working with the IC. That means that sjm has given space in the narrative to give us Azriel's pov without it being repetitive. By using Azriel's POV, we are also learning this information anew, filtered through his thoughts and his emotional responses. We get the information we need, but we get it from a Prythian perspective.

It's possible that sjm do an info dump at the beginning of acotar5, of course. Lots of things are possible - they aren't all likely. Perhaps sjm will take an easier route and have Az give a recap, but to whom? And why? Everyone who needs to know will already know, and so I don't see a need for him (or Nesta, or Rhys) to spend time in the book explaining the situation.

Could sjm start post-hofas events, and just assume that acotar readers have gotten on board with Crescent City? She could, but that would be pretty shitty of her to do, considering how many books in we are. The way I have read it, you could read Crescent City without having any knowledge of acotar, and be fine. She tells us what we need to know in hofas. Why not do that in acotar, so it could be treated as a separate entity?

It will be interesting to see what tactic she takes, either way!

[sh0ek0]

midnight love (part 4)

please find the other parts via my masterlist in the pinned post on my blog!

pairing: megumi x f!reader summary: after surprising you on your 21st birthday, you ditch your friends to be with Megumi and finally talk. How will things be between the two of you, after everything that happened? genre: angst, but there's smut in the end heh content warning: !aged up characters!, college au, abusive/toxic relationship and dynamics, dark content, euphoria inspired dialogue (the part in the car is heavily inspired but I just love that conversation), mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking/cigarettes, explicit smut I guess lol word count: 6.7k

a/n: honestly, even if one person likes and comments on my writing it motivates me to keep going so thank you @denkisupremacist ily. also thanks to everyone else that commented/liked/reblogged the other parts. if u want to be tagged just dm me <3

recommended songs: midnight love - girl in red / I THINK - Tyler, The Creator / Altitude - Montell Fish / Exscape - Montell Fish

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD ! MDNI ! 18+

It wasn't that you liked lying to your friends. But as soon as you stepped back into the bar and slipped the necklace Megumi had just given you into your pocket, you knew you had to come up with an excuse to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"There you are!"

Yuji and Yuta were standing in front of you. They had both put on their jackets and looked at you with relief as you walked through the door.

"We came to check on you, you've been gone for almost half an hour," Yuji says, and you see Yuta's eyes follow your hand as you stuff the necklace into your pocket, but he says nothing.

"Uh—sorry, guys I could’ve texted one of you," you mumble, "my mum, she, uh, just had a lot to talk about." 

Yuji’s is about to return to the others and take you with him to complete his mission as you link arms with him, when suddenly you both hear Yuta clear his throat. You spin around, feeling caught as you see the tall boy still standing there, frozen in place, his expression telling you that he didn't buy your story. 

You hesitate for a moment, but then you give Yuta a questioning look.

"Really? Did something happen? I mean, it's late, why didn't she call you earlier if she wanted to talk?", Yuta asks and you let go of Yuji's arm, who oblivious to the suggestiveness in Yuta's voice. You watch him make his way back to your table before turning back to Yuta.

"No, everything's fine," you start as Yuta avoids your gaze and looks outside through the large windows in the entrance, as if he expected someone to be waiting there, "I guess my mum just misses me.

"Are you waiting for someone or shall we go back?" you finally ask him with a smile on your lips as he turns back to you.

"The texts that popped up on your phone earlier weren't from your mum, y/n." 

You flinch, barely noticeable, as you hear what Yuta says to you. You had already turned away from him to join the others, deciding that if he wanted to investigate any further, he could do so on his own.

"Yuta, please…", you groan and look at him, rolling your eyes.

Now you really wanted to avoid him, so instead of going back to the others, you made your way through the people towards the bar in the back.

"No, stop avoiding me, I know he texted you." You heard his voice from right behind you. Great, he followed you.

"What do you want to hear now?", you ask him, turning to look him straight in the eye. He holds your gaze, towering over you as he takes off his jacket. You climb onto one of the stools by the bar and cross your arms like a stubborn child.

"I want to hear that you're not only getting older but also more mature, y/n," Yuta sighs, plopping down on the bar stool right next to you.

"How long have we known each other now? Three years? Four years? You were already Maki's best friend when I met you two."

"What’s you point, Yuta? Is it because of Maki? I don't think he'll do anything to her, I can assure you..."

"No, y/n, he won't do anything to her, but he will do something to you, and you don't want to realize that."

"Yuta, he said he’s sorry, he was drunk and he saw me with Choso, that was kind of my fault, I-", you protest, "I triggered that reaction." 

You could see the spark of desperation flash across Yuta's face. It wasn't your fault, you didn't provoke him, you didn't trigger his reaction - but you weren't ready to admit that. 

"He would never hurt me on purpose, I think he just needs... help," you added, "I can help him."

Yuta pressed his lips together and closed his eyes for a tiny moment. His sigh was clearly audible, he rubbed his temples as if his head hurt. 

"None of us can protect you," he admitted, before taking a deep breath, "and I can't bear to hold my girlfriend in my arms over and over again while she cries because her best friend wakes up next to her from a panic attack five nights in a row, because she was assaulted and almost strangled by a guy she thinks loves her."

His words force you to look up at him and your eyes widen as you realize what he had just said. Maki has always been so strong for you, you don't remember when you last saw her crying, and now you realize how selfish you have been. You were only able to put up with everything Megumi had done to you because your friends were there to catch you.

"And I'm afraid of the day I'll find out that this guy has gone too far and I'll never be able to see my friend again." Yuta takes one of the two beers he ordered for both of you and takes a sip.

You swallow, amazed at how quickly this conversation had turned.

"Yuta, you know Megumi, you know what his problems are, I can't leave him, I love him," you blurt out, "I can't leave him."

"I haven't really known him for a while now, and I think he needs therapy before he's allowed to ever come near you again."

"You're not his personal punching bag, fuck, y/n, I've seen that before with my mum and my - my dad." 

Your heart starts beating faster as you listen to what he reveals. He's never told you that before.

"He won't change," he mumbles, taking another sip, his gaze averted from you.

"That," his eyes were on your neck now, making you want to turn away from him, "you can still cover up. Next will be the black eye and the broken nose."

"If you’re lucky," he adds quietly. You feel the tears welling up in your eyes.

It was just like the conversation with Yuji, you just couldn't argue, you had no arguments. You could justify everything to yourself, but to Yuta? To Yuji? To Maki? Of course they were right, but you didn't want to hear it. You didn't believe that you could be alone and you didn't believe that you could ever love another person the way you loved Megumi. What could you say to your friends, your friends who had been worried from the beginning? 

Megumi had once belonged to this group, until he changed more and more and your relationship grew more difficult. 

So you wondered what you should tell your friends in the future. Right in this moment, you couldn't even look Yuta in the eye, especially him, he had been the first to notice…

"Let me go, Megumi, you’re hurting me," you begged, pressed up against the wall. It was dark, of course it was, you went out tonight with all of your friends and you were far away from the dance floors upstairs. It was so dark that you could barely make out his face, only occasionally did a few lights flash across his features.

He had one hand on your hip, his fingers digging into your bare skin, while the other had a firm grip on your jaw, forcing you to look at him. 

"What was that, huh?", he spat at you, he was nearly fuming, his body pressed up against yours in an attempt to keep you in place, "Were you flirting with him? I saw the looks you gave him."

"'Gumi he’s in one of my seminars, it was noth—ow!" You grimace in pain as his hand leaves your hip and grabs your upper arm instead, pulling you along with him. He walks a few steps until you are at the foot of the stairs leading up. Megumi rears up in front of you, towering over you as he forces you a few more steps backwards into the cramped space between the stairs and the wall.

"No, stop, what are you doing, I don’t-", you protest, but you have no chance to escape, "Stop this nonsense, Megumi, nothing happened, let me..."

"You’re dressed like a fucking hooker for what, hmm? For him?", he growled, the tone of his voice silencing you in an instant, "Wanna show me what you wanted to do to him?" He pushed you against the wall. You groaned as you lost your balance for a second and hit the back of your head.

"Come on, don’t be so shy now." 

You stared up at your boyfriend, trapped between him and the wall behind you. His hands were groping all over your body, and you felt his right hand move up to grab your chin again, but this time it didn't stay there. Instead, his fingers wrapped around your neck, squeezing lightly, but none of that seemed familiar. He had done this before, in another setting, he knew you liked it, but this time was different. Even though it was dark, you could see the lust in his eyes, but there was none in yours. And you could feel how upset he was, he was angry and rough and you knew that he didn't care what you wanted at the moment.

"Stop, I—I don’t want this, let me go," you sobbed and tried to wriggle out of his grip, "Megumi, please, let me go…"

"What the fuck, man, leave her alone."

You looked up to see Yuta rushing down the stairs, grabbing Megumi by the shoulders and pulling him back without waiting for any more context. He read the situation right, so he didn't need you to confirm anything for him. 

He heard you the first time.

"Fuck, man, what was that supposed to be? What's wrong with you?", he shouted at him, pushing him back, further down the hall. Yuta actually was a bit taller than Megumi and was able to keep him in check, even if he fought back. You had probably never seen Yuta this upset and Megumi seemed to think the same, but you had no intention of staying to see what they would make of it. 

As soon as Megumi was busy with Yuta, you gave him a thankful look and hurried up the stairs, right into Maki’s arms. She quickly realised what was going on and sent Yuji to separate the two. 

After that, you left with her and Nobara and that was the first of many nights you spent in Maki's bed, instead of your own.

"Hey, guys, there you are," Maki interrupts the two of you as she walks over to her boyfriend and puts her arm around his waist.

Noticing that the others have also gathered around you, obviously ready to leave, you look in the other direction and wipe the tears from the corners of your eyes. 

"We've decided to move on," Yuji says excitedly, "we'll either go to another bar or back to our apartment, what do you think?"

"That's actually a good idea," Yuta chimes in, standing up and grabbing his jacket before taking Maki's hand, "let's go."

You stand up as well and take your chance while you can.

"Guys, I would love to come with you, but I have to retake an exam on Monday and I think I really need to catch up on some sleep," you explain, and you're not even lying, "Shoko offered to drive me home, she's already waiting for me outside, so I think I should go."

Well, that was a lie.

Your friends protest, but you ignored them - you had already put on your jacket and were about to give each of them a big hug.

"Thank you for the surprise," you say and wave goodbye, "Honestly guys, it was so much fun with you, thank you."

You smile and did your best to avoid their glances, trying not to look at Yuta, Choso or Maki, who had probably already seen through you as well.

"See you," you mumble and turn around, taking your phone out of your purse to text Megumi before you had even left the bar.

You grin to yourself, eyes glued to you phone as you push open the door, your other hand fishing the necklace out of the pocket of your jeans. You put your phone back in your purse before you put your necklace back on when you hear another notification.

Megumi had sent you his location, so you followed the map on your phone screen without looking back. You were already quite far away and out of sight, but if you had turned around, you would have seen how your friends left the bar. And then you would have seen how Gojo and Getou were standing outside with them, with Shoko in their middle, waiting for the others. 

Shoko, who, as you told them earlier, was supposed to drive you home.

You are just about to get into his car as a call from Maki appears on your screen. Instead of answering it, you reject the call, and you lean over to Megumi to kiss him. Then you turn off your phone.

***

I know I don’t want to Be the one that you run to When you got nowhere else to go When you need some love

You watched as Megumi tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, while you were silently listening to the music playing in the car. He had one hand on your thigh and while he was driving the two of you sat in comfortable silence. The setting was much too familiar for you to be nervous around him.

"Why did you not even hesitate for a second when I texted you earlier?"

I know I’m the last one You try to call but I always give in To give  you  it  all

"What?", you ask after a moment. You understood what he said, but still.

"I know I hurt you, I mean-" He looked over to you, before turning back to the street.

"I mean, not only physically but also.. emotionally." 

Yue. 

The images of him being all over her came back flooding to your brain and you just shook your head as if you were trying to get those thoughts out of your mind. 

"Can we not talk about that?", you ask and try to smile at him, while you feel his hand squeezing your thigh.

I can’t be your midnight love When your silver is my gold

Megumi stays quiet after that. You sink deeper into the seat and think about the last time you sat here, think about what you said to him.

"Sometimes I feel like you've ruined me forever," you say after a while, staring out of the windshield in front of you. You let your head fall back against the headrest, before turning to look at him.

In this light, I swear I’m blind In this light, I swear you’re mine

"Well, it does sound romantic when you say it like that," Megumi replies after thinking about your words for a little while.

"I still love you, you know that?" He looks at you.

"Yeah, you said that, after kissing me goodbye earlier," you mumble, not taking your eyes off him,

"But why, though? Why do you love me, when you do all this?"

You can see that he thinks about your question for a moment, and when he speaks, it’s probably not quite what you wanted to hear. Rather, you wanted to hear why he hurt you so much, again and again, when he said he loved you.

"'Cause you’re smart. And cruel, in a way, but not really. You’re so beautiful I don’t ever get tired of looking at you."

"Not really smart?", you ask.

"Not really cruel," Megumi says.

You nod and you don’t say anything after that, at least not for little while. Instead, you watch the lights go by as the car pulls off the highway and slows down after another few minutes, eventually coming to a stop and you realize you're in the parking lot in front of Megumis dorm building. 

You look over at him, once again.

"You know, it’s funny that you say that," you observe, "it’s funny because that’s something I didn’t really realize until after you broke up with me."

"That you’re the cruel one, and not me."

You swallow and feel his hand leaving your thigh to turn off the car.

"Did you know that I loved you?", you ask, without taking your eyes off of him, "Of course you know that, I’ve told you often enough."

You told him right in this car, a few weeks ago. The exact same thing.

"I’ll probably sound like a broken record but I’m not talking about obsessing over you, or fighting or fucking," you declare and your hands start trembling, "I’m talking about love."

"Did you feel loved by me?" The question rolls of your tongue so easily but the minute you asked, you were afraid of the answer.

"I don’t know." He says, almost to quiet for you to hear him. That’s what you were afraid of.

"I don’t know if I feel anything, really," he adds,

"I just know that I love you. And I haven’t stopped, ever, since the moment I first saw you."

I hope that the right time one day arrives So I’ll be willing to let this die Able to look you right in the eyes Say I’m not your consolation prize

"You wanna stay the night?", he then asks, one hand still on the steering wheel, as if he needs to hold on to something. 

"I’d love to," you reply immediately.

***

You hadn't even made it into his dorm room as you were already pressed up against him, the two of you tightly entwined, one of his hands roaming your body while the other one was trying to unlock the door. As soon as you stepped into the building together you'd closed the distance between you, pressed your lips so gently to his, and he didn't stop kissing or touching you since, the way up to the second floor taking longer than expected.

You couldn't even begin to describe how good it was to feel him, to taste him, to smell him, to be pressed up against his body, to feel his breath on your skin as you heard the small pants he released into your mouth.

When Megumi finally manages to open the door, you almost lose your balance and you interrupt the kiss to catch yourself from stumbling. Thanks to his quick reflexes, he was able to catch you, his arms already wrapped around your body anyway. You noticed how content he looked, his eyes never once leaving yours, instead he seemed to get lost in them as he maneuvered you backwards into his apartment.

"What abou—mhmm," you try to ask, but you're quickly interrupted by Megumi pressing his lips to yours again as he closes the door behind you. 

"What about Noritoshi?", you try again as he pulls away.

"Hmm?", he asks, and you can almost see the question marks popping up above his head. 

Not a second later it dawns on him. 

"Ohh, no, he's still out of the country," he says, kicking off his shoes, before locking his lips with yours again.

Right, his roommate's semester abroad, you almost forgot that he’s living alone at the moment.

"Thank God," you murmur against his lips as you slip your hands under his hoodie and t-shirt, pushing them both up and feeling the goosebumps on his skin as you touch him. He grins at your words and you help him out of his clothes, which he tosses carelessly to the side.

Standing with your back to the door, you had already slipped out of your jacket, it had found its place on the floor next to his clothes. Your noses bump together in the heat of the moment as Megumi pulls your shirt over your head, his lips so desperate to find yours again after being separated for a moment. 

It causes both of you to giggle.

You look at him in awe, and even though you noticed earlier tonight that he must have lost some weight, he still looked so good. You reach out to him and touch his chest, your fingertips ghosting over his skin, tracing the outline of his abs down his stomach until you hook a finger into the waistband of his jeans, and you manage to open them up with the help of your other hand. 

You don't get much further than that, as Megumi presses you up against the door slightly, his hands roaming your body before opening up your bra in a swift motion, tossing it to the side just like he did with your other clothes. His lips were on yours again and he relaxes into the kiss, supporting himself with his left hand next to your face, while his right caressed your waist, squeezing the flesh of your hips and tapping your thigh once, then twice, signaling you to wrap your hands around his neck, so you did. He picked you up with ease, his lips never leaving yours even for a second while your legs wrapped around his waist and he carries you through the room, over to his bed.

Megumi sets you down carefully on the mattress, pulling back for a moment to get rid of his jeans and pulling yours down as well before crawling after you. He hovers over you, supporting himself with both hands next to your face, taking a good look at your body before pressing his mouth to yours and forcing his tongue inside, making you moan against his lips.

His lips trail up your jaw, then down your neck to suck on your sensitive skin. You were lost in thought and the sensation made you flinch for a split second as you were still afraid of any kind of touch to your neck. You did your best not to show it, but of course he noticed.

"'m sorry, baby," Megumi mumbles against your skin, kissing up to the corner of your mouth, while you assure him that everything's alright. 

"It’s okay," you breathe, cupping his face with one hand as you look into his eyes. He hesitates for a moment, but you can see a smile tugging at his lips.

"What?", you ask, brushing a black strand of hair out of his face.

"You look so pretty," he sighs. After all, he was the only one that was able to make you blush like that.

"Oh, stop it." You loved it when he talked like this.

"No, I missed your pretty face," he insists.

"Missed those two pretty girls," he continues, as his lips trail down your chest, kissing your soft skin and latching his mouth onto your hardened nipple, while his hand began to play with the other bud. He drew a few soft moans from you, your fingertips grabbing at his messy hair. 

After giving some attention to them, he released your already swollen nipple with a lewd pop! to move his lips further down your body, peppering your stomach with kisses, his nose brushing over your skin and the cold air hitting your wet buds sent shivers down your spine.

You couldn’t help but whine as he kissed down the inside of your thighs, spreading them apart with his large hands while his fingertips were digging into you skin, revealing the damp fabric of your panties. As he kissed the wet patch that was already starting to form you had no other response for him than the needy moan that escaped your lips, and when you felt his teeth grazing at the seam of your underwear, you grew impatient.

"'Gumi, please," you whimper, your fingers still buried in his dark hair, now slightly tugging at the ends.

"Missed my pretty pussy," he groans, before pulling your wet panties to the side, making you shiver once again as the cold air met your slick. 

"Fuck, you’re so wet for me," Megumi hisses, swiping his thumb over your clit and through your folds, gathering your juices.

"All for me," he muses, looking up at you as you lie there, looking so pretty for him, with flushed cheeks and those lewd moans that you couldn’t stop from escaping your throat.

"Megumi, please," you plead, again, wriggling your hips downwards in his direction, "n-need you, now."

But he ignored your begging, savoured this moment to the fullest while he inspected your pussy, admiring how wet you were just from making out with him.

"Stop being such a fucking tease," you whimper and close your eyes, throwing your head back in a stubborn attempt to grasp a single, clear thought, while your mind was already growing so dizzy with him taking his time.

"Mhm, won’t let me enjoy the view for a moment, huh? So needy already", Megumi groans with a sly grin on his lips. He pulls down your panties in an agonizingly slow motion, keeping them in his hands before coming back up to press a kiss to your lips, which you return hungrily, causing him to chuckle. 

He pulls away, while staring deep into your eyes.

"Open your mouth," he orders while you just stare at him through glassy eyes. You’re perplexed for a second, looking at your panties in his hand.

"I said," he coos, lowering himself down to your ear, "open your mouth."

You finally obey, parting your lips and showing your tongue. Without another word he stuffs your dampened panties into your mouth, the sensation of your own taste on your tongue drawing a muffled moan from you. 

"Next time think twice before giving me orders," he growls into your ear, his low voice making you rub your thighs together in anticipation. You nod, moaning against the fabric as Megumi returns to his original position, and hooks his arms around your legs. Without another warning he licks a thick stripe along your dripping cunt, swirling his tongue through your wet folds, but never quite hitting your clit. He was still teasing you, not giving you what you wanted just because you acted up.

You let out a desperate moan, even though it’s muffled by the soft fabric stuffed into your mouth. A fat tear rolls down your cheek while you’re squirming beneath him, desperate for some attention on your swollen bud. 

His tongue circles your entrance, licking through your folds while he’s eager on not giving your clit too much attention. You whimper and whine, your body trembling underneath him as your hands let go of his hair, moving up your thighs towards your core when you couldn’t wait any longer for him to finally give you what you wanted.

The vibrations of Megumi humming against your slick left you wanting for more, and just as you were about to let your own fingers dive in, giving yourself some kind of release and rubbing at your clit, he grabs both of your wrists with one of his large hands and holds them tightly while he continued to lap at your sweet pussy. You’re left whining and begging, most of your sounds being inaudible, but he could hear how desperate you were. 

You almost choke on your own spit as you suddenly feel him sucking hard on your neglected clit, your hips bucking up towards him made him release your wrists from his tight grip. He dug his fingers into the plush of your thighs to force them back open and keep you from suffocating him between your legs, after they clamped down around his head at the unexpected sensation.

Those deep groans he was releasing into your sopping pussy made you even wetter, and it felt like Megumi wanted to drown in you, his tongue pushing in and out of your hole, circling your clit and sucking on it, while you were only able to roll your eyes back and whine in desperation, your moans getting swallowed as your mouth was stuffed full. 

You throw your head back again, breathing hard through your nose, while hot tears kept flowing down your cheeks, you couldn’t take it, it was just too much for you. 

Megumi glances up at you, watching you squirm and wriggle under his grip, enjoying every second of your struggle, while you felt your core tighten with every swipe of his tongue against your cunt. 

"Oh, I really fucking missed this pussy," he growls, with a grin on his lips, while all you could do was moan so desperately in return.

Your body tenses up as he flicks his tongue against your clit, and just when you thought that you were about to lose your mind, he brings a hand up to push a long digit inside of your clenching hole, sliding in a second as a response to your loud moans right after, pumping them in and out of you slowly, and stretching you out as your walls squeeze down on him. 

"Hnnngh," you whimper, everything else getting swallowed by your soaked panties. You were so close and he knew that, picking up the pace at which he was pumping his digits in and out of you, curling his fingers into your core, while his tongue was relentlessly drawing circles on your sensitive bud. 

"What was that?", he asks, a teasing smirk on his lips, "Speak up." 

You whine and squeeze your thighs together, when finally he pulls the fabric out of your mouth, a string of saliva still clinging to it as drool trickles down the corner of your mouth. 

"So nasty," he grunts, tossing your panties aside, "you’re close?" 

You nod with your eyes closed. "Mhmm," you whine, "’Gonna cum, please, make me cum." 

"Fuck, you look so hot," he groans lowly, "gonna cum for me? Go ahead, baby."

"I’ve got you, cum on my tongue." 

And just as he pushes a third finger inside you, tongue still relentlessly lapping at your wet folds, you let out a loud cry and your head falls back against the mattress. You can feel your cunt squeezing down against his fingers as your orgasm washes over you and your thighs start to shake as he pulls his fingers out, lazily rubbing your throbbing clit through your high, leaving you shuddering while seeing only stars behind your closed eyes.

It takes a while for you to come down again and you peel your eyes open to see Megumi hovering over your body, admiring the fucked out expression on your face. He kisses you, letting you taste yourself on his lips, a small whimper falling from your mouth in return. You cup his face, almost too weak to reach your arm out for him, while he soothingly brushes his thumb over your cheek.

"Did so, so good for me, baby," he coos, you enjoy his praise, and having his warm body pressed up against you felt so familiar.

You’re too overwhelmed as you watch him pull off his briefs, the sight of his cock making you dizzy once again. It’s not like it’s the first time you see him, but every time he manages to make your mouth water just at the sight of how big he his, so big that you can already feel the sting he would cause while stretching you out.

"Tired?", he asks with a smirk on his face, and without waiting for an answer he grabs you by your hips and pulls you towards him. 

"Let me take care of that," he groans, helping you up to place a pillow underneath your hips, "Just relax for me, baby." 

Your face was still so hot, and your cheeks still flushed a deep shade of pink. Your head lolls to the side, exhaustion pulling at your heavy eyelids, as Megumi grabs your chin and turns your face towards him.

"Hey, look at me, babygirl," he chuckles, "'Wanna see your pretty face when my dick’s buried deep inside of you." 

Megumi wastes no time, smearing pre-cum that leaked from his tip along your still completely soaked cunt, and lining himself up with your entrance. You can’t do anything else than let out a helpless gasp as he presses the head of his dick into you.

"Fuck," he hisses, "'Been thinking about this since the last time I’ve got to fuck you." 

He pushes himself in slowly, the stretch of his girth still giving you a stinging sensation, even though his fingers were already trying to prepare you earlier. You can hear your own desperate whines bouncing off the walls of his bedroom, and as he grabs both of your legs to throw them over his shoulder to bottom out completely, a high-pitched moan escapes your throat.

"Fuck, y’feel so good, 'Gumi," you whine, "S-so big, stretching me out so well."

"You’re still so fucking tight," Megumi huffs, kissing your ankles while his hands grab onto your legs for support, "I won’t last long if you’re squeezing me like that, fuck."

All you could hear was the sound of his wet skin, coated in your juices, slapping against your ass, while he pushed into you, increasing his pace with every thrust, fucking you senseless. There was nothing there to muffle the lewd moans that left your lips and you were so fucked out that you didn’t care about his neighbors anymore, you weren’t even able to hold back your sounds.

He hit your cervix a few times in a row, causing you to see stars and desperately search for anything to hold on to. Those whimpers and whines that fell from your lips were in sync with his thrusts, and soon you were nothing but a crying mess beneath him.

"F-fuck, M-megumi," you sob, trying to catch your breath, your fingers digging into the sheets, "S-slow down, it’s too—nnghh." 

"Slow down?", a low groan escapes him as he rolls his hips into yours at a steady pace, "already got lost in this pussy, you better hold on tight." You look up at him, your eyebrows drawn together, and you see sweat trickling down his temples.

"Oh god," you moan out, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, while he fills you all the way up with every snap of his hips against yours. You feel like losing your mind for the second time tonight, your walls clenching and throbbing around him, sucking him in so deep that you’re wondering how he’s even able to thrust in and out of you at that pace. 

"Shit," Megumi curses, and you’re so close that you nearly cum again with one harsh brush of his pelvis against your swollen clit. He had already fucked you dumb, tears stinging in your eyes and when he leaned down, pushing your legs up to your chest, you knew that he was close too. The feeling of your pussy clenching around him made him falter and he had to support himself by clutching onto the headboard, to not completely crush you while leaning onto your body. 

You can feel how your walls tighten around his length and hearing his low, breathy moans against your ear made your second orgasm approach embarrassingly fast. Megumi notices how you grab tighter onto the sheets, so he moves the angle of his hips just a bit to hit your sweet spot and it immediately does it’s magic, you’re left sobbing when you feel the knot in your stomach tightening.

"You gonna cum with me, baby?", Megumi pants and while you’re unable to form any logical sentence, all you’re able to reply is a drawn-out moan as he pushes you over the edge a second time tonight. You feel his thrusts getting sloppier with every stroke while your second high washes over you and then he practically collapses on top of your body. His body is trembling as he releases thick ropes of his load deep into your abused pussy, and you hold him while he curses and whines 'Fuck, you feel so good' and 'Shit, I was so afraid I lost you for good this time' 

and also 'I love you so much'.

He almost crushes you with his weight as he leans down and presses his lips to yours, drowning in that afterglow. You're too exhausted to say anything, so you’re just stroking his back soothingly, listening to your heart beating in sync, while you’re coming down from your high.

After a while he slides off you, not without planting another kiss on your temple, and grabs the blanket at the foot of his bed to pull it over you both, his body pressed up against yours behind you, one arm draped over your waist. You both lie in silence for a while, just enjoying each others warmth.

"I didn’t hesitate because I missed you so much I couldn’t even think straight," you mumble, answering the question he asked you in the car earlier.

"The moment you left the room, I knew I wouldn't see you again for a while."

"You do this every time, do you know that?", you swallow when you feel him pulling you in against his chest, "You treat me like shit, then we make up and you say you’ll stay, and then you're gone."

"Y/n…" You hear his raspy voice against your hair.

"No, we have to work on this," you insist and turn around to face him, your hand placed flat against his bare chest, "I don’t wanna lose you." Your voice sounded brittle, almost fragile.

Megumi sits up again, resting his back against the headboard, while you stay in your position, scooting over to him a little bit to lean your head against his side. "I promise you we’ll work this out, y/n." You were naive enough that this was sufficient for you. After all, you had no other choice but to rely on his words.

You climb out of his bed to put on your t-shirt and search for your underwear until you remember what happened to it. How convenient that you left some clothes at his place a while ago, so you go over to his wardrobe to find something suitable. You cringe a little at the sight of the white thong embroidered with the words 'Lucky You'. 

You bought it when you were like eighteen and you have to chuckle while putting it on. Well, you weren’t so wrong back then.

Megumi looks up after hearing you giggle and you throw him a pair of grey sweatpants and his black hoodie, which he puts on, but not without taking another look at you.

"Mhmm—guess I am," he rasps, lifting the covers to motion for you to come back to him, "Come here."

You grab your phone and walk over to him, cuddling up to his warm body while turning your phone back on. You wanted to know what time it was, and you remembered turning it off earlier when Maki tried to call you. 

Your phone screen turns white before you see your lock screen, a picture of you, Maki and Nobara, and as soon as it gets a signal, several notifications pop up all at once. You had about six missed calls from Maki and Yuta, even Shoko had texted you and right at the bottom of the screen were three messages from Choso.

'Are you with him?'

'Text me if you’re alright'

'I swear to god, y/n, if he hurts you, I’m gon…'

You weren’t fast enough to hide the texts from Megumi.

I can’t be your second best Close but not your favorite I keep going back for more Where there’s nothing from before

[femboychuuya]

Soooo, here we are, a New Year

Now, this post will be different than my usual art Posts i do. A few days before the New Year hit i got kind of reminded that Art Summaries exist.

Usually people only put one Art in, i think its the "best" one which they like the most, i think.

Though i wasn't able to decide for only 1 piece for each Month, so let me take you through my whole 2024 Art Journey!

- - - ☆

Starting off, i was 19 when i started Art. Back in May was when i came up to my beloved now girlfriend Kiera and asked for Advice on Drawing and told her that i wanted to start Art.

I chose to start with Hands. (albeit i did not include those visually in my Summary)

Hands were.... well.... hands. Kiera sended me a few Videos on how to draw, recommending me a German Youtuber called DrawingLikeASir. This is where i got my basic understanding on how hands (and also Human Anatomy as a whole) work and how to draw them.

I'm very grateful that people who do Art for a long time already, share and make Tutorials to follow. It's alot easier for me when i have real time visual explanation, so DLAS's Video's really helped me alot.

Besides those Videos, Kiera gave me alot of help too. She would give me tips if my Anatomy was off, help me fixing it via voice chat or messaging and overall just helped me understand Art to the extent that i then started to do it more regularly and frequently.

- - - ☆

Now, after this Yapfest, how about we take a deep dive into my Art?

This will be the longest part, but i do have alot to share actually....

Let's start with May !

I don't have any visuals here, so i will keep this brief.

In May was the first time i actually tried learning how to draw. I did start with Hands first. Why you may ask? Because i wanted to tackle one of the presumably worst things to draw. I did a basic fanned out Hand for a few times before i started drawing Hands around things. I felt comfortable very fast with how i drew Hands back then. And that was my May more or less.

June !

Let's get a nice Picture of June out, because June is the Month i started to learn Human Anatomy. It sucked.

I tried learning Human Anatomy after i felt confident enough with hands. I experimented around a bit, tried drawing either masculine or feminine body Types, but i did struggle with both. In the end, i tried settling for more androgenous Body Types. Those were alot easier for me, and Kiera did tell me that they can be easy to work with, since i can basically "shape them like i want". So i went with it.

Pretty much my June was occupied with learning to draw a whole Human Body.

July !

In July i made alot of Progress i think, this was my Prime time for learning how Bodies work. I took Ideas from other people i've interacted with, tried a DTIYS (Do this in your Style), created a small sketch page, participated in Rimlaine Week and also started to do Digital Art!

Now, starting Digital Art was hard, it still is for me after roughly 6 months. My missfortune was, i had no pen for my Tablet. I needed to learn how to Finger Draw. It was really taxing and unforgiving on my Hand, but i still pushed through it and gave my best. I didn't wanted to stop with Digital Art just because i had no pen.

Eventually, at some point (actually 2 points, one later though) I had a pen that worked, though it broke, both of them did. So i just stayed with Finger Art.

It honestly feels more natural for me to use my Finger by now and i think i actually want to stay drawing with my Finger for now. Unless i actually get a pen that doesn't break imidiatly.

August !

Short things for August: I had an Artblock. I managed to find 1 whole picture for August.

I can't really say anything more here i fear.

September !

September.... I tried alot of new things in September! Brushes, bigger Canvases, even rendering (not visually included)

September was a nice month. I made alot of progress, pushed my comfort zones and met ALOT of great Artist's!

I tried alot of new things. Posing, shitpost doodles, multiple people, character sheets, the Nasty Dog trend (i had fun doing that) and also tried to participate in dazai hurt/comfort week, i couldn't finish it due to personal reasons.

In September, i joined a Soukoku Discord Server which is run by Kaez. I joined there with intent of talking about SKK and it developed into active talking and Art Streams nearly daily! I got ALOT and i mean ALOT of good advice and tips on how to draw from more experienced Artist's!

It truly helped me find my Artstyles and Tools i can use on my drawings.

I am very thankful that my girlfriend sended me the link to Kaez's post about this server, it has been alot of fun there and was very educational aswell!

October !

In October i still was drawing nearly every day and started to draw Characters from Kiera's and mine own Story! I also experimented with Artstyles and Chuuya's hair. His Hair was a mess, it still is, but drastically changed the way i draw his hair in that month.

I specifically also tried to stylize eyes, it failed mostly but i still tried regardless (Eyes and facial expression are hard to draw, i learned the hard way)

November !

November was the Month where i started drawing (and writing) my first AU! My 14 Year old's BunnySkk AU!

I am very proud of those beans and all i had in my brain were those 2. I did inflict pain and suffering and great Trauma on Skk, but fear not, they are well now... or are they?

Lastly, December !

Going strong with the last Month of the year, I struggled, greatly. I had alot of personal Issues coming up, but went through those with trying to do art. Art really helped me get my mind off things, due to me not having a single thought while drawing (My head is a blank slate while i draw)

But besides those struggles, i got cheered on to keep going and so i did. I delivered Art from a Ship i was first very reluctant to draw things in fear of people being well.... online people. But i eventually overcame myself and started drawing my second favourite ship... Kunichuuzai!! I absolutely love their dynamic and can't wait to get back into drawing them. I need them. Carnally.

- - - ☆

Now now, this is probably as long as it can get now, so i will try to keep myself short here. (Try is the keyword, i am a yapper at Heart)

First and foremost, i will be thanking Kiera @misterloong , for even getting and pushing me into Art. I don't think that i would have been able to accomplish what i am doing currently without your great help and Feedback!! And thank you for putting up with my sometimes breakdowns over Art, its hard and we both know that.

Secondly, i am thanking Kaez @xkaez for creating the Skk Server. I don't think i would have had such a fun time over the last months while doing art if it wasn't for sitting together in vc with everyone and equally loosing our heads over Art together. The Art struggle is real but worth it.

Third..ly? Third?.... Leaving it at that. I am thanking the VC Dwellers Soup @iwantmochisoup , Goat @thatghostinyourbog , Jema @msshinylemon , Salt @saltedbiscuiit and Killeia @nolongerforthetainted . I am thanking you all for sitting in vc together, planning things, working together on thing and just having a fun time together! I learned a shitton, and i mean a shitton from being together in VC, drawing, talking or just hanging out together. I really hope this never dies out, its really fun with you all!!

Fourthly.... Fourth....? I am thanking Rosie @anticidic , Cinny @ohhcinnybuns , Ari @nevertheblood, Brin @ediblepandas and Cryptid @cryptid-juzou for giving me alot of Ideas and talking about all the ideas you guys had. It's always fun to lurk at night in the chats and see good ideas spring in. It might be one of my favourite pastimes aswell to just lurk in :)

And Lastly, i thank everyone else who i forgot to mention, whether its Skk server people, random online people, my mom or literally anyone who sees my stuff. I thank you for being here and supporting my Art Journey in any way you can. It has been a fun half Year of doing Art and i am so hyped for creating a full year of Art this year!!

I hope everyone who wants to do Art, starts doing Art, same with Writing or whatever other creative hobbies there are. It will bring you fun and can potentially even help you express yourself more.

On to a new Year

- West

- - - ☆

Adding on:

2 more Chibi doodles for making it to the end :>