#because a lot of it SUCKKS

[cybrrspidrr]

Martin. Martin. Martin. Martin.

Worst pain

[50c14lly4nx10u5]

mmm i don't really think i get into fandoms often

proobbbbably cuz i'm not a big shipper and shipping tends to be a big part of fandom unfortunately

i was into shipping in my first fandom (sanders sides) but then after that i just. tend to find fics that seem interesting and if they have a ship they have a ship. i'm either neutral to a ship and read a fic with the ship cuz the ship was alonside something that interested me (ex. time travel. fucking love time travel...) or hate a ship (so many pokemon fics that seemed interesting that i didn't read because i hate serena x ash sm... sorry)

tho sometimes i will in fact get bored and scroll and read a pure shipping fic if i'm interested enough in the ship. and it's only like. a oneshot.

i also don't like slice of life stuff all too much so that may be a contributing factor

i mainly like shipping fanart that shit is cute

in conclusion. i think. there should be more gen fics. thank you

[tickingispleasure]

Fantasies

"Do you still like magic tricks?" I'm asking my uncle and he smiles back at me and touching my face softly.

"I do. You like them still too?" He's asking me back and I softly rubbing my face against his hand without noticing.

"I do. But I like another spooky talent more now." I answered and couldn't hold back a soft giggle. My uncle smiled again. "And what's that sweetie?" I look uo to him and bite my lip. His brown eyes were so calm and fascinating. "I... I think it's..."

"You think?" He asked and touched my face again. Slowly rubbing his hand over my mouth putting his thumb inside. I instinctly began to suck it like it's natural for me to suck. I forgot what I wanted to say but my uncle seemed to be pleased by watching me sucking his thumb.

"Sluts don't think honey.. Yeah suck that thumb deeper... Good girl..."

After his words my brain mixed up the letters of his words. It was impossible to form any word. All I could do was suck and moan.

"Stop and look at me."

Without hesitation I stopped and looked at my uncle. He was a hot elderly man. He was everything I needed now. I felt so hot just by looking at him. My pussy was dripping. Fluids come outside and get my panties so freaking wet. My uncle slided his hand over his huge bulge so I notice it. After seeing that big hard bulge inside his pants I feel like my body is going crazy. Everything inside me wants him inside me. My uncle. He was so sexy. His cock looks so big... His smile is so perverted... My pussy is so wet...

He's taking out a watch and swing it like a pendulum. I couldn't look away even if I wanted. I watch it swing... Back and fort...

Back and forth...

Back and forth...

Back and forth...

I fixated his watch immediately. My brain went foggy as soon as I followed a few swings. I blend out everything around me. Only the voice of my uncle and this pocket watch...

"Good girl... So sleepy." His voice called...

"So..... Sleepy..." I repeated and bet he was smiling afterwards.

"So obedient...."

"So.... O.... O.. Bee.. Diennnt" I repeated but had to giggle a lot because I couldn't believe how fast i was forgetting these things... These... What are they called? "

"Soo.. Dumb..."

"Ss.... O.... D.. Du....uuuhh..."

A lot of drool ran out of my mouth as I was glued on his pocket watch. Immediately forgetting things and forgetting how to call them and... How to call what exactly? "

"Soo horny..."

Uncles voice was speaking to me again. I moaned in response and felt like my pussy was leaking to much I must sit in a lake. I needed to giggle about that th... What are these things clled.?

"Tell me my little sweet girl.... Are you horny?"

Uncke askedd me and I noddeed amd moaned as loud as I could. He smile. Uncle opens pants and show his good little girl cock

"You. Like what you see babygirl?"

He ask. I giggke andvstarrt suckingll likeba good fucktoy. Uncle seemmes happy I suckk hom. Cock so goood I mustvszckj I ejh

[miscling]

⁉️While you do the second portion, wear the tens unit on your dominant arm, set to a level that isn't painful, but makes controlling your muscles difficult

🗣️ You should talk about your favorite representations of hypnosis in public media

I thought it would be fun to give you a light challenge today, I hope you don't mind :)

okkay so leftt handeeed typing thnen because the tenss unit iss nott a ligyht challenge mmmm i thnk i'mma have a hard time concetrating while this sthing is rinnugn even at its lowest setting this thing is intense

soo i only got itno hypnoi recently ui dinb;t reakky have a favourute representation in mediia to speakk of shorty of like, i used to do a vampire the nmasquerade larp and that had some ind controll powers like i'm used to dnd charm effects and stuff from rpgs imm trying really hard to think but the tens unit is soo hard to concetrate through like imma be paying attention to any hypno typoe stuff i see in media from now on like it was only a couple of mnths ago i realised i could even vbe hypnostised adn it opened a lot og foors for me i love it a lot my favourite ind of mind control hypno stuff is like, succubi for sure though like you know taht its a bad idea right from the off but like, so hot you'll do anything for them because they;er just that charming and also the thinf where ouget peop,le who've just been rewwrittem like who they were might stimll be in there but also theyte' someone nbew now. i really suckk at specifc examples though my brainn memoryt i s so unrelable for stuff ike thins!

wow this is hard i hope you like th answer!

thank you for the challenge! i really had to try hard thgriygh this one!

Thank you for the ask task! (4)

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[brick-van-dyke]

// Half a vent, half a political thihg

TW: body stuff, gender dysphoria, talk about blood

I feel extremely nauseous and like I'm gonna throw up because of my stupid ass period which only came back because I stopped taking T to save money for a little bit ughhh. Like I'm ok and il survive, I'll be taking T again in January, but still. This sucks and like...

Ok not trying to act like or say "oh no being a trans man is so much harder than being a cis woman blah blah blah" here, but I do just wanna saying having a period as a trans man just really sucks a lot. Not only do we have to deal with a period the same way a cis woman does; feeling sick, digestive system fucking up, the pain and cramps, mess and how it can make you feel really down, etc. but we also can have the whole gender dysphoria side of it as well which can absolutely get worse with the emotional stuff that happens during periods.

I feel very very depressed during my periods already, it's fucks with my already not great mental health and makes me think in darker places than I'd usually, but on top of that?? It makes gender dysphoria all around feel more extreme plus it causes gender dysphoria itself. The the other things about it also can cause gender dysphoria as well, so there's like. 3 added issues that come with my period purely because of gender dysphoria.

This doesn't even over the societal issues and how hard it is to be a trans man with a period when you're out and need to change your pad or tampon. I usually just don't and do it at home since I can luckily get away with that but there are so many trans man who can't do that and it suckks. No wonder so many trans men I know are on birth control, esp if they're pre t/ not planning on taking t.

Overall it just kind of sucks and it highlights, ironically, how different it is to be a trans man rather than a cis woman and is yet another example of how the terf argument "ooh but we have the same body so it's a shared issue" just really doesn't work and actively just erases all these issues and ignores the differences in our struggles; namely that it's just different both literally and socially to be perceived as a man who also had a period and who finds that everything about it causes a secondary, separate type of distress.

[ao3feed-danganronpa]

Kokichi in the Death Game

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/Kz9lEcG

by Anonymous

It's just Kokichi in the YTTD universe after he dies in V3, I regret making this so much

Sorry it's bad, I just did this in 2021/2022 as just smthing to pass time so

I will NOT be continuing this, feel free to take the idea because I hate it a LOT

ATTENTION YTTD FANS: WHY HAVENT ANY OF U MADE A MIDORI LIVES AU AND GOES TO THE DEATH GAME???? ITS SUCH A GREAT IDEAA!!!! Like wasn't he supposed to participate, but then he couldn't bc of his death? There NEEDS to be a fanfic with that idea. There NEEDSS to be a fanfic with him in the game w/ Shin, him interacting with the participants and stuff. It'd be so so Interesting so see him as one of the participants. Please YTTD fans, please I NEED this to happen.... Or if it already has happened, PLEASE TELL MEWHERE I COULD FIND IT BC I NEED IT SO BADD and I tried writing it myself but I suckk 😭

Words: 10147, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: キミガシネ | Kimi ga Shine | Your Turn To Die (Visual Novel), New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen

Characters: Oma Kokichi, Chidouin Sara, Hiyori Sou | Tsukimi Shin, Kizuchi Kanna, Burgerberg Q-taro, Mishima Kazumi (Kimi ga Shine), Egokoro Nao, Yabusame Reko, Satou Kai, Shinogi Keiji, Tazuna Joe, Ibushi Gin

Additional Tags: Crossover

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/Kz9lEcG

[zodiyack]

Michael + Brahms With A Shamelessly Outgoing S/o Would Include...

Requested by @colorfulwasps: I cant believe theres only one head canon post here about my favorite slasher boys. Plith, can I have a fluff of Michael and Brahms with a gender neutral s/o who sings a lot, shamelessly, even dance around like theyre in the club (like whaddup take me home before I embarass myself any further--)

Pairing: Michael Myers x Gender Neutral!Reader, Brahms Heelshire x Gender Neutral!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, mention of alcohol, mention of murder?, slasher stuffs, me swearing like usual

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace​

Masterlist | Slasher Masterlist

Michael Myers

famous headtilt™

whatever are you doing- oh- OH- oH-

I suppose there are times where he’s embarrassed, but he really go out in public unless it’s for murder, so there’s no one to be embarrassed but yourself.

so you’re at home, right?

you’re dancing, had a few too many while he was out

he walks in, give you the headtilt

“Oh- Michael! Hey I was uh- iwasdancingwhi-”

*continues dancing, forgetting to finish sentence*

I’m not even sure how he’d react

probably tries to get you to bed though-

like, he’ll pick you up,

“Ohhhh, it’s that kind night, huh?”

he’ll tuck you in

“wait Michael- so it’s not that kind of night?”

shit wait i’m referencing Hannibal- wrong slasher

he thinks your singing is cute, loves it, but when you’re drunk

oh boy

he’s still trying to get you to rest as you scream lyrics into his ears

is concerned he might have to tape your mouth shut

tapes your mouth shut

you tear it off

heavysigh™

he won’t get drunk, so you’re on your own there

loads of headtilts™

either helps you in the morning or lets you be, it depends on how much he likes you, which you better be on his REALLY REALLY REALLY good side to get him to care for you whilst you’re nursing a hangover

I don’t even know anymore- all I can think about is his headtilts™ lmao

also- yes. it is neccassary to put ™ after headtilt™

Brahms Heelshire

he’s amused???

This boy screams child, quite literally, and as someone who babysits, I know kids enjoy it when you doing something to “embarrass” yourself

at least, most do

Because he won’t let you leave the house, you’d invited some friends over

cue the drunk dancing

he wants to be ready to attacc but your dancing is too amusing, so he’s just watching the entire time

HOWEVER

if it were you two together? drunk dancing?

well one, he’d probably try to take the alcohol from you because you’ve obviously had a little too much

sidenote: also, how on earth did you find the alcohol-

don’t tell him, he’ll just hide it. successfully, might I add, because of how tall he is

and two, he’d happily dance with you but probably not to the music you like. so surprise him...

“Brahms, dance with me.” *club music plays in the background* “Brahms quit being a little bitch, classical music isn’t as fun as this-”

be sure to make a promise to dance to the music he wants when you’re sober if you want to avoid angry wall-boi-tantrum™

I have a feeling he’d enjoy it a lot more than Michael.

plus he’d be down to care for your drunk ass afterwards

as long as y’all are that comfy with each other

as for singing?

he loves your voice, often has that child like clap every time he hears it

will cheer you on in his own little way

despite his whole “being amused” thing, if a guest were to say you sucked or that you were weird, basically try to insult you in any way, no matter the meaning behind it (like playful or sarcastic) he’d end the party early

Person: you suckk

Brahms: stab stab bitch, say that again

basically, you’re having a good time, and no one will ruin that as long as Brahms is around

but yeah- I stick to my “he’s like a child” thing

1000% would cheer you on and clap excitedly

is not embarrassed in the slightest, but is more protective than usual because “you’re doing great sweetie”

yes, I did just do that

no. I do not regret it

however, as much fun as you are having with your guests, he will require them to leave after your fun is done, murder or mercy, your choice hun

[eraserheadbabyfever]

i think u like frasier?? if not ignore this!!! what are your thots on the reboot??? Im kinda excited but also deep inside me im like its gonna suckk:( because i know it will not be the niles spin off of my dreams <3<3<3 i'm interested in what they say frasier and everyone will have been up to in the last 20 yrs. i have a lot of wild theories but i feel like what they actually do wont live up to it... im hoping more lilith content in the reboot. like she;s a reg cast memeber instead of a guest!<3

i know absolutely nothing about the reboot besides the fact thats it’s happening and daphne isnt in it. it’s going to be weird to see how they get around that w dhp being in it but not her?? surely they would not have gotten a divorce. it might be a little embarrassing if kelsey grammer is having frasier doing a podcast type thing, but then again frasier was always embarrassing in the first place... i would LOVE to see a lot more of lilith are u kidding me i want her to like marry roz and be there all the time with their 5 dalmations . the person who plays roz has actually talked abt on twitter how she had chemistry with that one lady who bid on her at a charity auction . i dont know how realistic it is because she’s not writing the show but roz bisexual PLEASE

[aprilwritesabook]

I appolgize in advance for this long ass post haha.

Alright, so here's the deal. This post is gonna be part rant, part confessional, and part inspirational speech. So if your following this blog purely for the updates on my books you can skip it haha.

I know a currently published author. I used to kinda be friends with them in highschool, but it was more like a friend of a friend type deal. But I digress. Point is. They recently released there second book on Amazon. And I really wanna be happy and proud of them, and to see it as an inspirational thing, buuuuut I'm almost 100 sure they are actually a fraud?

And that's not me being bitter. I really really really wish this wasn't the case. But I have the evidence to back this theory up.

1- they claimed that there first book sold out multiple times. And to be fair this one might be at least partially true. Its rated pretty high on amazon, But then again they only have 4 people rate it and three of those people are the editor formattor and artist for the book. Soooo. Yeah I sure hope they rated it well.

2- they are constantly posting stories to there social media that are far fetched at best. They work in a bookstore. And almost every other week its a slightly diffrent story about a customer who "didn't even know" he was the author who would "burst into tears" the second he told them what the book was about because they were just Soooo touched by the message that they wept to a total stranger??? If that had happened even once it would have been an odd occurance. And this is something that apparently happens alllll the time to them. (I hate to drudge up old memes like this, but)

3- this person has recently made a tick tock and a youtube channel. And like, the content isssss questionable? And that's not necessarily a crime or anything. But they give updates about it on social media as if they are speaking to a mass of adoring fans and like...you can see how many subs and views a person has. We know he dosn't have a big fan base. And I know that sounds harsh. But like, some more gullible people have asked him for advise on how to be "successful" and "gain a following", and he answers them with authority. Like he has the answers even though he clearly dosn't? And that feels really... disingenuous at best?

4- along the same vein as 3. They recently made a post on twitter about how they are "overwhelmed by the amount of love and support they have found on the site" and how they get "some many heartfelt messages." Annnd again. I clicked the account. They literally have 5 followers. And not a SINGLE person has EVER liked, retweeted, or commented on a SINGLE tweet of theirs. Not one. Soooo like not only are you pretending to have a huge fan base that dosn't exist your also making up there engagement with you? Which this alone I feel brings validate to my doubts about the other things. Clearly they arn't above blatant lying and extreme over exaggeration. And also they either don't realize we can all seeeee these facts. Or they don't think anyone will actually check and call them on it ?????

Now there's a lot of other examples I could give. But my point isn't to put this ONE person on blast. I'm not trying to start beef or cause damage to their reputation or anything. Which is why I won't say their name or what there books are. The only way you'd know who I'm talking is if you also knew them in real life. In which case you either already know all this, or you should, so you don't fall victim to their lies.

The reason I'm saying any of this at all is because I think I know why they are doing it. And why so many indie authors or would be media mogels feel the need to do this.

The issue with trying to "build an audience" and "self market" yourself, is that you really only have 2 ways of guaranteed sucess.

You either need to have a pre established audience based on success you've already had in the past. (IE youtubers and movie stars writing successful books cause there fans will buy anything of there's reguardless.)

Or you need to buy your way in. Be it by quitting your day job to make social media your full time job, buying ads, hiring a social media person,or hiring a team of people with their own audiences (audio book narrators, cover artists, managers, ect)

And if you don't ALREADY have an audience, and you don't have the funds to BUY your way in, then your just gonna have to get real lucky.

You can be lucky for knowing somebody with an "in". They work in publishing, or advertising, or they're your rich uncle. Just someone who you can go to to get that boost one way or another to get one of the first two methods going for you.

You can get lucky by commenting the right thing on the right post and gaining followers that way. Or by being in the right place at the right time to meet somebody important.

You can be lucky by having lots of supportive friends and family who will promote you and your work FOR you.

Or lastly (and this is in the realm of being a one in a million case here. So it basically never happens without one of the other things I mentioned also being true.)

You can be lucky by working REALLY hard, and being REALLY talented, and having the world actually NOTICE YOU somehow? Just one person with influence who can find you in your dark hole of insignificance and shine a light on you so now the world can actually seee you.

And that sucks.

You could write the greatest book in the whole world. Truly a masterpiece. But if nobody buys it or reads it because they don't know who you are??? Then it dosen't matter does it?

It sucks Soooo hard.

Because untill you get those people with influence to shine a light on you, theres nothing you can do. And the market is soooooo drenched in new indie authors that the odds of the right people finding and liking your book are slim to none.

Its super unfair.

The people who have the influence arn't gonna buy a book with 0 reviews and no social media following.

Why? Because THEIR brand depends on only recommending the good shit. And they need to find that good shit NOW. If they read every book written by nobody's online, they'd have to wade through ALOT of garbage. wasting all their valuable time and money till they found something worthy. And honestly, from a business stand point, you cant really fault them for that

This is where the lies come from.

So basically no matter how you look at it, or what your strategy is, In order to get fans, you need to ALREADY HAVE THEM.

When your just starting out. And I mean truly at square one. It really feels like the only way to "make it" is to "fake it"

If you PRETEND to have a big following. And you PRETEND your books are selling really well already. And you PRETEND that people care deeply about you and your work... Then there is a chance that nobody will do the homework to find out its all a lie.

And if they think your successful already, then it sends a message to the consumers brains of "well they must be good. Everybody loves it/them".

It sucks that so many people who have found real success did so with lies, cash, and being already well connected.

And then they buy it, and they follow you, and the confirmation bias sets in, and eventually you'll dupe enough people into liking you that you don't HAVE to lie anymore.

Those of us with no cash and too high a conscious to lie our way to the top are left with virtually no chance of succeeding no matter how hard we work or how good our content is.

And I'm not claiming to be "better than" or "more worthy" than anyone else. I wanna make it clear that of your in the portion of having it fake it so you can follow your dreams then more power to you. Its a valid strategy. I hate that it works and I hate that its the only option sometimes. But I don't hate the people as creators for "doing what it takes." I get it. Really I do.

And it suckks major ass that so many people feel like this is the only way.

My whole point here. Is that we have slowly built a system where this is our reality. And honestly? End of the day? There's not a damn thing we can do to change it at this point.

In a perfect world made of unicorns and puppies. I could say "hey lets all go ready books by completely unknown authors. Be the change you wanna see in the world." But at the end of the day, especially in the unfiltered world of self publishing, It would be a complete shot in the dark to spend your resources on something completely unknown. We rely on word of mouth, and "best sellers" and high following to do the work of filtering out the bad stuff for us and it would be unrealistic if not impossible to go back on it now. Even if we wanted to there algorithms and shit built into the code. You'll never find the books that Amazon dosnt want you to find unless you search for it directly.

Now comes the confession/inspirational bit

I know all of the above to be true...But I'm choosing not to care

I'm not gonna lie my way to the top. I'm not gonna hide my struggles out of fear of seeming inferior. So here goes

I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I've been working on it, and I've gotten so much better in recent years. But there are always gonna be times when I slip up and my mental illnesses take over

When I was writing my first book I felt really empowered and good about myself for finally getting past all my own barriers and following my dreams.

And then once I was done writting and editing and I was ready to show the world and get feedback. I flopped.

I couldn't find anyone willing to beta read. Those who said they would do it (even people who claimed they "couldn't wait") ghosted me after I actually sent it to them

I was hoping to get 20 people. I really wanted it to be the best it could be. Only 11 actully signed up. Of that 11, 5 people actually read it: My spouse, my brother, my best friend, and 2 others. Those two others read the first bit I sent them, took a few weeks to get back to me, said they loved it, but then Neeeeeeeeever got back to me when I sent them the next chunk.

Now you can look at all that and come to the conclusion that it sucks. I know I sure did.

The struggles at each step made me doubt myself more and more to the point that I almost gave up writing all together.

And I didn't want to take about it or how it was making me feel, even though it was having a serious impact on me. I wanted to bottle it all up and let it consume me. Allllll because I didn't want people online to write me off as a failure before even giving me the chance.

I wasn't lying about being successful. I was just trying to hide the fact that I wasn't.

And that's almost as bad. Because then all the new authors just feel worse about themselves and their journey because they think they are the only ones.

Your not alone.

Everyone is struggling.

We just aren't talking about it.

I haven't written a word in over a week because I've been so afraid my second book will be dead on arrival like my first.

And I KNOW somewhere out there is someone just like me whose thinking of giving up.

Don't.

Just keep going.

Do your best. And then come find another struggling writer and share with each other. The world outside might not understand your struggle. But another author might.

We can't change the market. We can't change the way social media works, or how people decide if they will buy things

But what we CAN change, is whether those of us within the community want to be honest about our struggles and frustrations. Or if we want to hide them away and lie about them for the sake of making more sales

I think by being honest with one another we can create a better network.

That way the next time you feel like garbage for not being an "instant celebrity" like everyone else. you can look at the community and realize that you were never the problem

If we just keep making new writing friends our collective reach will eventually take hold in the outside world. Don't wait for a random influencer to notice you. Just make one friend at a time. Be known amongst your peers and maybe the rest will follow

And if your a writer desperate for feedback, or just a friend to share your troubles with. Hit me up. My inbox is always open.

[socialtragedy]

Diary Entry 1-My Birthday

Hi, if you are reading this please disregard it as it is a rant on how pathetic my life is.

1. Today is my birthday. No one outside of my family knows expect 2 people. Person 1 knows because we have the same name, are the same race, and our birthdays are right besides each other so that’s how they know. And the other person and I talk about astrology sometimes and it always happens when you talk about zodiac signs your birthday pops up. Also, my very best friend hasnt wished me happy birthday yet and that suckks. I disable Snapchat and Facebook so that it will not notify people that is my birthday. I do this because I do not want a lot of attention (like i dont need people singing happy birthday to me in class, just a text or something would be fine) and I kinda want to see who my actual friends are. So in conclusion, outside of my family, two people wished me happy birthday.

((sidenote: my “friend”group has had some drama lately and has split into two sides. Throughout this drama, I have come to find out that the two leaders of both sides do not see me as their friend. On side one, the leader made a new instagram gc without me, and it only has friends/people she trusts in it. And on side two, she blocked me from her spam because “snakes” were ratting her out. Which in my defense I never did))

2. My grandmother tells me while we are eating the cheesecake (instead of birthday cake I have cheesecake) she made that the cheesecake is my birthday present that she got me. So she made a cheesecake for everyone to eat even though it is my birthday present.

3. My dad got my dog a “shock” collar and we were holding on to it to see how strong it was. It was a little zap that made your hand tingle. And after I tested it out I passed it to my cousin, Ashley. After she got zapped she was talking about how it felt and everyone at the table was talking. So there I was trying to put in my two cents seeing as I was the first one to try it. All i got out was “it’s like that game..” before by older brother said “no one cares”. And I am a little pussy so my eyes started to water and I left the table.

4. I went downstairs to dry my eyes before anyone could see and got my puppy out of my room so my family could see her. After awhile my dad went into the living room and started to play with my dog alone and I went back to the table. He called my name from the living and I casually walked in because they way he called my name wasnt urgent. I get there and then he says “nevermind, it doesnt matter anymore”. And once again, I am a big pussy and it upset me and my eyes start to water again.

5. Speaking about my dad. My parents are divorced so I don’t get to see him a lot even though my mom and dad are still friends. And I feel like my dad doesnt really love me. When I try to hug or kiss him he kinda flinches away and tries to have the least amount of human contact. But he fucking loves my dog and his grandkids. It’s not like for their birthday he got them a trampoline and nerf guns and that is what I wanted that year... (not to sound spoiled or anything but to an 8/9 year old it upset me)

6. It was my birthday dinner, right? And so I am a little picky, whats wrong with that? First my mom suggest mexican but I do not like mexican food so she suggested Italian and I can eat pasta and stuff so yeah whatever. It just sucks because its not what I really wanted for dinner and the pasta she made had layers of cheese on top and I literally do not eat cheese unless it is on pizza. So i had to scoop underneath the top cheese layers to get a tinnnyy bit of pasta on the bottom.

7. By the end of dinner I am in my room crying and everyone knows it. I try to calm down my breathes and eventually I make my way upstairs. I tell my cousins bye while trying to hold my dog back/block my tear stained face. Then my dad leaves, I say bye and he responds with “bye, I love you” to which I say nothing. It is not like I am not putting all my anger towards him but I am not in the mood to talk or socialize anymore. After everyone has left my mom stops to talk to me. She tells me I am being very rude and selfish. She claims people were “worried” about me when I was in my room.  She says “I spent all day preparing this meal and you ruin it by crying”. I tell her the truth about why I am sad and she responds with “they care. stop whining”.

8. I am a big pussy and my life is pathetic