#because Miles is not a stupid man
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I hate you mfs that don't like Gwen after across the spider verse it smells like misogyny
#i liked her MORE after atsv#like yeah she needs to apologize to miles duh#but why is she not allowed to make mistakes without being villanized#ive heard more people talk about how bad gwen is than fucking Miguel#shes CLEARLY being influenced if not manipulated by Miguel and jess#shes only doing those things because she wants to PROTECT miles#she doesnt want what Miguel is saying to be true#like yall im p sure she fully accepted that her dad was going to die#they had to have said some shit to make her accept that#and at the end shes trying to right her wrongs#shes become such a more nuanced character than she was in the first movie#why are you guys fucking stupid#AND shes trans shes literally amazing#gwen stacy#spiderverse#spider man across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#spider gwen#marvel
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Yk, I hate that adaptations keep making Peter a high schooler, and not just because it means he never evolves, but because the adaptations now also include wider Marvel, whitch usually (thanks to the MCU) is at the modern day stage with legacy characters and new age teen heroes, meaning that Peter is taking up Miles' spot and you can really tell when they put him next to someone like Kamala Khan or Sam Alexander who are Miles' pals. Tho Peter taking Miles' stuff is just a modern issue overall, just look at MCU whitch just stole and re-skinned Miles' personality, characters, story-beats, even the costume to an extent and then made it worse.
agree 👏
#sci speaks#sci. release the script doctor you did where it actually was miles in the mcu and peter parker is a grown ass man.#it was funny. peter was a really bad intern at stark industries#who stole stark tech on the sly.#and of course. tony catches wind of this because he has cameras everywhere and. those cameras happened to also catch.#him sneaking out of work as spider-man.#and tony ropes him into civil war or whatever because otherwise he could Literally press charges.#and peter's :((((((((#begrudgingly joins tony's side.#in the post credit we see that he's been gathering stark tech to build miles morales some very neato webshooters.#and voil.a. miles is the star of homecoming and. peter is the mentor figure that encourages miles to start small.#miles: but YOU teamed up with the avengers a#peter: do as i SAY not as i DO.#sighs. so little would have to change.#but no more child soldiers and no more over exposure of tony stark. fantastic. superb.#also showing a slightly sneakier peter parker who isn't exactly entirely morally upstanding.#steals from billionares while they're not looking to serve the people who need it.#robin hood figure !! sexy. would falll to my knees for a peter parker like that. would be my favourite on screen peter ever.#and it puts him more in an interesting spot with the villains in the movies too.#if we still go with the route of all the villains being affiliated with stark tech and stealing / using stark tech#then peter is like. in a more complex role in the story. he stole stark tech too. is he better than the criminals?#he uses it for good. he thinks. but that's his judgement.#just i think it would be neat. all the “you're just like me” rhetoric falls so flat in those movies.#but what if it hit different.#but that would be if marvel had the courage to make a complex spider-man movie#where peter parker is allowed to make morally complex decisions asides for “uhh. stupid kid makes stupid mistakes”#sci talks movies
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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the selective amnesia of marvel writers when it comes to major comic events makes me so insane. not only has tony been on a team with miles (all-new, all-different avengers, 2015), and has been a mentor figure to him since he crossed over from the ultimates universe (ultimate end, 2015), they somehow conveniently forgot that tony stark died in civil war II to protect miles. MILES. the kid he’s calling “newbie” and is somehow not one of his top favorite spider-people.
why is tony treating miles like they’ve never met when he went to war against carol and was punched into a coma to protect miles from being arrested for a crime he didn’t commit???? like mama let’s research before we start writing these comics
anyway yeah miles is one of tony stark’s favourite spider-people in the multiverse HE WAS WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT HIM
#tony stark#miles morales#miles morales: spider man#saw this after lurking around on your twitter lara#and ppl were posting other great panels but i was like hold on#where's miles holding tony's collapsed body in the la pieta pose#i am literally a broken record about cwII because i refuse to let it go#ive become that person who always brings up cw(II) at every given opportunity#but i also think that if marvel chooses to hoist these stupid fucking events on us without thinking#about the long-term ramifications and storytelling effects#then i should be able to harp on this whenever i want#@#type: text#type: comics#universe: 616#comic event: civil war II#comic: civil war II#ft: miles morales#character: tony stark#dynamic: tony & miles#also ziglar pulled top 5 completely out of his ass#can you even NAME those top 5 people ??? i'll wait !
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actualy dutch running away at 15 haunts me a little bit because when you think of him young you tend to think of him in his 20s instead of a 15 year old whos thrown himself into the world with no plan. where would he sleep?? i doubt he knew how to make his own tent. what woukd he eat how would he bathe?? did he sneak into inns or hide little caves. little dig outs inn the ground. arthur notes that dutch isnt a man to hide in a cave. but hes just 15. hes a child. hes probably never took another mans life. he doesnt know how to hunt. maybe hes just as charismatic. charming the hearts of cowboys and working women into giving him a place to stay. sharing their meal with him. was he all alone?? did he cling to what companionship he could?? like. what did he even do with himself. hes just 15. it was probably the smallest hed ever felt
#punching concrete. yes. arthur and john get oprhaned at even younger ages and have to fight for their lives. but there has been plenty of#discussion abt this. i wanna talk about my son#and no this isnt a “oooo poor baby hes never done anything wrong ever”#this is me thinking about a dutch who was nowhere near the man he is because hes fucking 15#hes 15#and hes stupid and got mad at his mother and threw himself into the world to chase a dream#hes a teenager. and he knows nothing#and i think that dutch always had that cruelty#that manipulative nature#its built in#but i think here#in this small sliver of freedom. he is guileless#and he is small#and the mountains are towering and the fields go on for miles#anyways#yeagh#young dutch van der linde i need to take him away forever. im going to raise him right
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Miles: so i um. need your help. a little
Gwen: what for?
Miles: um so. im scared of needles and uhh… like. i need to take a certain. um medicine. for health reasons??? and it helps me and a doctor said i could take it
Gwen, very pointedly not looking at the label on the estradiol bottle: no problem!
#transfem miles#gwen: i won’t pressure you to come out but don’t act like i’m stupid / Miles: act? / (sounds of fighting and explosions)#miles morales#spiderman#spider man#gwen stacy#spidergwen#ghost spider#this is how the lie of Miles needing to take insulin started and snowballed out of hand#because he and gwen were trying to lie to cover him#m&m posts
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Ok so. Miles Edgeworth is trans. Gregory was definitely a trans affirming father so when Miles told him he was like “sure son. What name do you want to go by?”
And so all Manfred von Karma knew was that Gregory Edgeworth had a son. When he gains custody of Miles, he just. Does not realize that the kid he’s now in charge of is a trans boy. (Maybe Miles already had a name change. Idk. Somehow legal name wise, von Karma just. Does Not realize.)
So Miles grows up being raised as a boy and von Karma just. Doesn’t realize. Until puberty begins.
And he notices something, that Miles isn’t experiencing puberty the way he would have expected and he’s like hmmm. I am not sure what is happening.
And then like preteen Miles, incredibly nervous, comes to him and he’s like, “excuse me, Mr. von Karma, sir, but would I be able to start puberty blockers please?”
And von Karma’s just like “WHAT!”
He’s so caught off guard and so used to thinking of Miles as “Gregory Edgeworth’s pathetic son” that he just… kinda lets Miles medically transition bc he’s so caught off guard by the realization.
And for his entire life, Miles is like. Unable to wrap his head around von Karma being surprisingly trans accepting???
#especially because von karma was decidedly NOT accepting of the fact that miles is gay#for the rest of miles’ life he is forever confused about this. and he never realizes that von karma just. didn’t know he adopted a trans kid#in my headcanon franziska is also trans and basically i think that like. von karma was so shooketh by having one trans kid in the house#that he was like. I. I. I don’t know what to do#and also Franziska would TOTALLY weaponize the fact that miles had transitioned without comment#‘why does miles edgeworth get to but I don’t??’#also also. Manfred von karma probably has some toxic ideas about what it means to be a man. that were definitely taken to heart by miles#especially bc he wanted to prove himself as being ‘valid’ in the eyes of bin karma#I like to think that as he let go of the other ideas von karma taught him he also let go of this ideal and let himself embrace#less ‘traditionally manly’ things#this is the ‘not traditionally masculine transmasc’ in me coming through#I feel like that’s such a specific thing to work through when it comes to reconciling masculinity ESPECIALLY if you’re someone who’s#felt like they’ve had to fight to be accepted for it#wow. that got actually serious on my stupid lil post.#anyway miles as of chief prosecutor wear jewelry and makeup and maybe sometimes skirts#also fun like trans kid headcanon: Phoenix comes out during the year he miles and Larry were best friends and his mom went to Gregory#for advice about how to support your trans son :)#ace attorney#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright ace attorney#manfred von karma#trans miles edgeworth#miles edgeworth is trans dammit#and so is Phoenix Wright#Phoenix Wright#mention#gregory edgeworth#franziska von karma#tw transphobia#like. Hinted but tagging just in case
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Restorative or Transformative?: Homoerotic Subtext, The Closet, and Ciphers in Pop Culture. The nature of commercial art is that it’s sometimes bad and inconsistent. Notably it’s also misogynistic. One way in which audiences try to reconcile massive plot holes or gaps in character motivation is by reading secrets or hidden information into a plot.
Commonly, male characters are interpreted as closeted gay or bisexual to reconcile the absence of women from commercial narratives with the generally stunted and poorly-written male characters that form the focus on said texts. This reading has become especially common among a non-heterosexual milieu. Rather than transforming the original text into some radically different new form, this closeted interpretation seeks to make the original text stand on its own as a story rather than a Swiss cheese of dumb writing decisions.
This interpretation only works for a specific type of pop, usually genre fiction. Any story in which tortured male leads eschew women in favour of male-male bonds (because female characters are constantly killed off, written sparsely, or written out, because the production team keeps casting their male buddies, because actors demand to keep having scenes with their bros, whatever) can become a sounder structure if you put one of them in a closet.
The gay interpretation is the natural consequence of shoddy misogynistic writing from ventures like Supernatural, Naruto, all the biggest hits. It’s also the natural consequence of more benignly misogynistic writing like The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes or The Lord of the Rings, where women aren’t necessarily rejected but are simply absent from the worlds of the protagonists. When the emotional crux of the story falls on male-male interactions, this reads as romantic because society at large priorities (definitively heterosexual) romance as the pinnacle of human connection. Two forces are in conflict, the primacy of heterosexuality (read as: romance) and the primacy of men.
Anyway. All that is to say that the typical gay or bisexual reading of male characters in pop fiction comes from a very real place. But, in some places, that’s the default interpretation. Angst, insecurity, secrets, double lives, fatigue, disappointment, restrained passion, stunted personal growth, anyone living in the closet can tell you that it impacts and defines your whole life to know that you live in a way fundamentally incompatible with The Proper Way that life is structured around down to tax law and superstore prices (which assume a heterosexual nuclear family unit). Characters in fiction also tend to have personal problems because that makes them interesting and tasty.
If you’ve grown up on stories with the specific type of misogyny that can be papered over with a closeted interpretation of the male leads, carrying this interpretation over to any male character will make sense more often than not. Even a bit of angst or insecurity? Well of course that makes sense if a character is closeted.
Except that’s hurt a normal part of fiction, and sometimes the closeted interpretation takes away from the point of a character. If a male character is on another axis of marginalization, the closeted interpretation imposed by the slash reading community downplays or trivializes the effects of that marginalization in the plot by overwriting it with another type of marginalization. Alternately, sometimes a character’s heterosexuality is a part of the story. There are some sorts of critiques or investigations of misogyny or masculinity that don’t work if the character has an ‘opt out’ of the cisheteropatriarchal perspective. Not that gay/bisexual men aren’t except from misogyny, but misogyny masculinity and heterosexuality are so tightly linked that it sort of defeats the point if you interpret that character outside of heterosexuality.
All that is to say—the closet interpretation is a quick and easy spice to apply to the weaker parts of action-adventure genre fiction to make it taste better. It draws from a large enough sample of art that it’s pretty widely applicable. Because of that, it’s part of some people’s [my] default interpretation package just because the semi-dull macho show at least gets less dull if you imagine there’s a reason for there to be no girls besides simple hatred. That then forms its own problem where the interpretation that works with your average genre work gets then blanket-applied to all genre works and obscures the places where the closet interpretation doesn’t fix the work, and actually makes it less interesting.
#kelsey rambles#I’m as guilty of it as anyone.#just thinking about Johnny Storm and like. bisexual ass character. deeply bi guy. but.#what IF he’s just heterosexual. what then. wouldn’t that almost be…more interesting#if he’s Like That and not closeted? what twisty gnarled psychological torments would a good comic have to explain him#and on the other hand. that one post I saw about how miles/hobie totally misses the point that their relationship is about solidarity#spider-punk and spider-byte’s alliance with miles are the same thing and to read it as romantic erases the important part#and on a third hand. when speaking of miles’ story. the stupid fucked Bendis running joke/subtext with Ganke#to have Miles be gay would possibly take away from the messy and interesting part of his character that is being a person with nothing#to hide. a totally honest genuine straightforward kid who is forced to start a double life by an outside actor#but at the same time it’s dumb and a cop-out to throw in that much bait and that much of a genuinely charged tense friendship#and then go ‘lol jk. nothing to see here’#the other thing is the semi joke in atsv about ‘coming out’ as spider-man#the most important thing about Miles having to hide is his relatively precarious position as a black kid. he’s not afforded the leniency#that Peter Parker would expect if he got unmasked. Miles is more cautious because he is in more danger because he’s Black#so to paint that struggle with the gay brush is to disregard the character’s raison d’être. while also#using that sort of language and structure deliberately puts a gay lens over that character and ignoring that or kicking it to the side#feels a bit cheap. to borrow the look and not the substance#way too many tags and it’s past my bedtime. thesis statement is:#miles morales is a character whose history is fraught with plenty of real gay subtext and whose character struggles are entirely divorced#from any sense of gender performance. he’s subtextually bi but that’s got so little to do with his story that it feels almost wrong to read#that into him because there is so much other interesting stuff going on with him
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Something is telling me that eddie would have a pair of those fluffy sandal slippers and initially he was secretive about them but after a week he’s driving in them, wears them to do deals and flaunts them at hellfire. Won’t hear a bad word against them.
When he first wore them to hellfire the party were in uproar and Eddie just propped his feet up on the side of the table grinning the whole time.
#Mike turns up in a pair the next week#Steve sees and narrows his eyes. competitive streak a mile wide and decides he’s going g to have to take Mike out of the equation in order#to Get His Man#yes Steve is unhinged and retains jock competitiveness because he’s multifaceted and messy like we should all be#Eddie’s pair are disgusting by the way. genuinely foul and Wayne has to steal them#in the night to wash them#yes eddie still has his Garfield slippers but they are EXCLUSIVELY INSIDE FOOTWEAR.#Garfield is going to be kept CLEAN#stranger things#eddie munson#yes this is stupid thank you for noticing
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ac crossover but it’s Desmond rebuilding the Assassin Brotherhood in Skyrim
#somebody stop me now#I’d write it. I would. I’d write it.#I’m gonna lose my fucking mind I need to finish chapter two of the tlou crossover#someone needs to shoot me#asscreed#IT WORKS. IT WORKS. IT WOULD WORK SO WELL.#desmond miles#NO BECAUSE I HAVE IDEAS FOR IT PLEASE I NEED HELP#SO. OBVIOUSLY. Isu garbage. yes? but. wouldn’t it be funny if Desmond was the listener#and maybe it could be stupid and sorta crack-y#and it could have slash with Nazir or something I’m laughing#Miraak reminds me of Altaïr#sorta.#desmond rebuilds the dark brotherhood and basically reinvents it in 480E#NOO CAUSE I WANNA WRITE THIS#he could be the listener or the dragonborn#the chosen one never gets a break.jpeg#HE’D BE SO GOOD AT MAGIC MAYBE.#OUGH MAN I DONT /KNOW/#I THINK DESMOND WOULD FIT SO WELL#the reason the assassins creed fandom was voted as annoying#is because we don’t stop putting Desmond miles everywhere#my bad guys I’ll pull the trigger
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Not even close to US (and first worlder) internet users' worst crime but few things are more annoying to me than when people use the stupid fucking yanqui timezones system instead of UTC. "Pacific time" no one knows what that means. This literally only makes sense to your dumb country and we have a very fucking easy universal time count that is a good reference for people everywhere in the world. If you're specifying the timezone then obviously this is meant for people regardless of where they live so stop being so self centered for five seconds and use universal systems. Christ
#salt#its already annoying when they use miles or pounds or inches or fahrenheit or whatever the fuck#but with timezones its like. man. you clearly mean this to be for everyone. use the universal system#the universal system is SO fucking easy its literally billions of times easier than whatever the fuck you bitches have going on#and at least the others i can convert with one simple google search#but with this shit i have to google what the fuck timezone 'EST' is#then calculate what that would be in UTC#and then calculate what that will be in my time#its such a stupid long and pointless journey all because they refuse to acknowledge that other countries exist#shut the fuck up and use utc!!!!!!!!!!!!#'oh we're used to doing this that way because its our country's timezone uwu' bitch every big country has its own timezone system#im also used to using 'brasília time'. but when im talking to ppl from other countries i use utc. it's not that hard
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traumatized by involuntary psychiatric treatment. oh she's just like me fr
amy pond + involuntary / coercive treatment
( the eleventh hour / the girl who tore through the universe by nikita gill / dead of winter by james goss / the big bang / the girl who tore through the universe by nikita gill / the girl who waited / apollo 23 by justin richards / the big bang )
#i'm sorry btw i never shut up about it but#FOUR YEARS. MY BODY MY LIFE MY WHOLE WORLD WAS DESTROYED BY PSYCHIATRY#AND IT RAVAGED MY LIFE FOR FOUR YEARS UNTIL MY PARENTS STOPPED#DID THEY STOP BECAUSE MY BODY AND ORGANS HAD BEEN IRREPARABLY DAMAGED BY ANTIPSYCOTICS THAT I DIDN'T NEED???#DID THEY STOP BECAUSE I WAS GETTING RELENTLESSLY BULLIED AND LITERALLY PHYSICALLY BEATEN UP BY OTHER PATIENTS PRETTY MUCH CONSTANTLY???#DID THEY STOP BECAUSE I WAS A LITTLE KID AND I WAS SCARED AND I WANTED MY LIFE BACK AND I WANTED TO GO HOME???#NO. THEY STOPPED BECAUSE THEY REALIZED THEY'D BEEN SCAMMED OUT OF NEARLY A MILLION DOLLARS OVER THOSE FOUR YEARS#BY A DOZEN DIFFERENT PLACES THAT PROMISED THEY COULD FIX ME IF ONLY THEY COULD KEEP ME LONGER IF ONLY THEY COULD BE MORE STRICT#AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENED AND I NEVER CHANGED BECAUSE ALL I'VE EVER NEEDED IS PEOPLE TO FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME#AND THERE MAY NOT BE A LOT OF THOSE AT HOME BUT THERE SURE AS HELL AREN'T ANY IN SOME STUPID FUCKING FACILITY#THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY FROM HOME#WHERE I'M INDEFINITELY BEHOLDEN TO THE WHIMS OF SOME TWENTY YEAR OLD PSYCHOLOGY STUDENT#WHO HAS COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY LIFE FOR THE DURATION OF THEIR SHIFT.#i was twelve years old. a child.#do you know what a supine restraint is? i had to learn. it's when a grown man sits on a little kid#and twists their arms behind their back#cause they stepped out of their room to check the TIME.#ok rant over i am so sorry#amelia pond if we could only talk together about wasted childhoods and stolen dreams#if we could only talk about the birthdays and christmases we spent in a windowless room or a house full of strangers or a stale white offic#if we could only talk about doctors in lab coats who promise they can help us and don't tell us the side effects until they're irreversible#i'd like the other doctor better too. if i was her#doctor who#vent post kinda#amy pond#antipsychiatry#fav#4 years.#anti psychiatry#anti psych
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saw instructions for making your own ginger shots in a magazine and now I'm crying because the day my dad died he brought a load of ginger home and said he was going to make his own
#death mention tw#personal#hey grief is fucking weird man extra especially for me cause autism#hes been gone 10 months and i dont think ive cried this much until now#over ginger of all things#tw grief#a little stupid for crying because i know im going to give myself a headache#save me miles edgeworth#my crochet miles edgeworth is watching me#and then after it all we had a load of ginger going mouldy
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So there are some perks to living in a tourist destination. There are a lot of detractors mostly that you cannot shoot the tourists because you rely on them for your income but you have a semi captive audience with no context for any of the bullshit you spew. You can tell these people anything and they will believe you, the trusted friendly local. Now this is a very much Spider-Man situation where Great Power begets Great Audacity and even worse Responsibility.
My buddy goes on a run and when hes done there is a bar near a creek. So he wades into the creek because the day is hot and the water is cold.
Tourists ask what hes up to, with his running stuff he didn't want wet piled on the shore and him very obviously cooling off in the water. He says he's fishing.
But now here is why I am telling you this story. The universe occasionally aligns in such a way that we get to really really fuck with people and their perception of said universe. The opportunities do not come often and when they come you must seize the day. This is what my buddy did.
So this Creek runs through town and as a result of the highway and neighborhoods and culverts and roads it does not have a great salmon run. It's a short Creek the headwaters are only a few miles from the ocean it never had a great salmon run to begin with. But there are salmon.
One such fish brushes past my buddy's leg. Immediately he knees the fish like he is juggling a soccer ball and pops it out of the water, then slaps it out of the air on to the shore.
This is dumb luck. He could not do this again if he spent years training. Noodling (catching fish with your hands) is a thing that is legal to do with salmon but it is so much harder than literally every other way to catch salmon, including grabbing them with a garbage can. What he just managed is the kind of thing that should make you want to grab the fish and swing it around your head like a stripper with her panties off.
But,
He has an audience.
This is the opportunity offered by the universe.
He plays it cool.
He puts on dead pan straight face on and wades up to shore to grab his fish and nod to the tourists. Someone asks something and he assures them this is the standard way to get a quick dinner here. The tour guide has caught up with his group. He looks at my buddy and his fish and the general lack of fishing accoutrement. Without missing a beat, the guide backs up every ounce of bullshit out of my buddys mouth because if there is one true fraternity it is locals bullshitting stupid tourists.
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they should invent a my grandma who understands other people not being like her
#like. objectively i should go on walks. it would benefit me & my health#but in fucking practice I HATE IT. i don't like it. i don't enjoy it. it fucking sucks. i don't want to do it.#forcing myself to do it is fucking terrible. it makes my body hurt. it feels like a waste of time.#it requires an amount of prep work that i just Don't have the energy for on most days#and i just am 0% motivated to do it because I Do Not Like Walking. if it's walking to go somewhere then. fine.#walking just for the sake of walking ? with no destination ? pure fucking bullshit. boring. pointless. awful.#how am i supposed to be motivated for it when there's no end goal ?#if i go outside to idk get groceries then that's what keeps me going. i need to get groceries#if i'm outside and the only goal i have is one i set up myself which is just a nebulous ''go around the block a few times''#which i am in no way obligated to do Or interested in doing and that i can just. decide Not to do without consequences#then i won't have the fucking drive to do it ! man i can just walk back into my home right now#SO ANYWAY grandma is like the exact opposite of that. bitch loves walking. walks Everywhere. can walk miles. will walk in any weather#and she just... doesn't get that we feel very different ways gkfjdjd#''oooh you should walk and walk everyday It's Good For Youuuu'' and she acts like i don't walk because I Don't Understand That It's Good#sis i'm not fucking stupid i know the health benefits & everything I DONT ENJOY IT THOUGH#same way i know the health benefits of eating veggies but i still Don't do that because i can't stand them !!!!#god fuck Whatever about my health lmao like. i'm here for a good time not a long one !!!!#do you think when i'm old and dying i'm gonna be like ''aaah i'm glad i spent so much time doing things i hated so i could live longer''#nah mate i'm gonna think ''well this was a GOOD one i got to do all the stuff i loved yippee'' and croak
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it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.
bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.
the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.
what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.
i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.
i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.
and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.
i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?
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