#because I've always felt how much is wrong and how much is wrong as an Austen adaptation and yet there are glances

[dono-harm-totonystark]

Dear anyone out there who's got my brand of autism and can't bring themselves to drink water because of its texture and/or taste; and is struggling in the summer with everyone telling you to drink water but you would rather get heat stroke and die than have water in your mouth:

it's fine.

Drink anything! Juice, sports drinks, soda, squash, tea, iced coffee, whatever you can get in you. Eat popsicles if that's better. I don't care.

Because guess what? the main ingredient in all of these IS water.

I drink soda exclusively, all the time. I have my blood & urine tested regularly. I am not dehydrated, not even in the peak of summer. Sure, I'd love to drink juice, but soda is cheaper per litre and I can buy it in bulk and it will keep, as opposed to juice that Must Be Consumed Within 24h Or Else. ("Just put it in the fridge!" my neurotypical friends say; and then my object permanence makes me forget about it, it goes bad anyway, and I don't drink anything at all for days.) I am also a medical professional. Not for humans, but water metabolism is actually pretty much the same across all mammals. I have clients call all the time like, "I'm trying to get her to drink but she's not wanting water!" GOOD! That's a good thing! It means she's not dehydrated despite whatever she may have lost or she's getting enough water from her food to supplement those losses. That is a good thing! And any nephrologist worth his salt (hon hon) will tell you the same thing: your main indicator of dehydration is thirst. If you're thirsty, and you drink fluid, and you stop feeling thirsty? Congrats! You have achieved Hydration. What kind of fluid this was is secondary. (Side point: ever noticed how most doctors/nurses ask you about 'fluid intake', not 'water intake'?)

If you don't trust yourself to feel thirst, your second indicator of dehydration is the colour of your urine. If you look down and it looks strangely dark, and you think back and you've not drank anything in hours, you should probably do so. Also, the colour going from darker to lighter over the course of the day shows whatever you do for hydration is working.

"Sugar dehydrates you" is a myth. Sugar or salt, or most other readily available oral electrolytes are not diuretics. They don't make you urinate significantly more. If you intake too much of them, they will be excreted in urine, but that urine will be no more or marginally more dilute than if you had drank water, because of your kidney's reuptake mechanisms retaining fluid when it is needed.

The reason why this myth goes around is because sugar causing increased thirst, urine dilution, and chronic dehydration is something that happens with diabetes (and some other endocrine disorders). Health issues make it so you are more susceptible to various states of being, and you should always adjust your diet and fluid intake accordingly. BUT! If you are a healthy person with good kidney and pancreas function, you can safely consume water in any form or mixture, and it will hydrate you. Pinky swear. TL;DR: there's nothing wrong with needing to avoid water and drinking other fluids, if your body is able to pick up the slack.

~ sincerely, a person who has not drank water since the turn of the millennium and continues to be alive and well

PS. For the record, I'm not saying other fluids are as healthy as water or exactly as effective (though this is probably arguable, depending on what water we're comparing to what fluid) but since not everyone can drink water and it made me feel alienated to read 'you can still drink juice only if you drink water with it!' and I've met multiple people who had similar sensory issues and thought they were alone... It just felt prudent to mention it.

PSA: i keep seeing posts about staying cool in extreme heat that include advice like "gatorade is bad actually!" and "don't drink fruit juice it'll just dehydrate you!" and neither of these are true!

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

honestly so long as you are consistently getting Any (non-alcoholic) fluids in you, you're doing great!!!!!! okay!!!! i love you stay safe <3

[breezeoow]

"please don't leave already."

you kept looking up at him, directly into his eyes like a forsaken child who was afraid of being left alone for the first time. and he was frozen. wonwoo couldn't move. because he knew how you often struggled to communicate while facing challenges, how you withdrew into yourself until you felt ready to face others again. he needed to leave early that night. on that very evening, he had to go. you knew yet still asked. and he didn't hesitate. he settled back down in the same spot where he had spent the last few hours with you, in the same position, and kept looking at you, amazed by your delay and courage. it was quite unusual for you to ask him to stay, since you never do that. regardless of how tough and exhausting your day was, you never did that. you never did, until today.

it was a day filled with rain. in fact, it's been a week since it has rained this much. the sky has been overcast and dreary for far too long for you to remain withdrawn and sit back as usual. how could you maintain that strength when you feel his warmth enveloping you, willingly. the warmth that courses through both of you, whenever you two are near. and whenever he simply sits alongside you.

"can you please go a bit later? would you please stay for dinner? i'm preparing what you like to eat on days like this. would you like some soup or maybe a bowl of piping hot stew?"

you could hardly utter anything beyond those questions with your almost broken voice. you couldn't think of voicing anything else on that moment.

and wonwoo? he knew. even when you don't speak, even when you never uttered, he has always known you. he knows even when you try to cover up with the most clever language. and he knew what to do, what to say, how to act, how to help, just like the back of his hand.

"what is it, my love?"

he asked as he puts his palm onto your cheeks to look at those eyes better and read them once again, leaves you wondering how easy it is for him. how easy it is for him to be gentle with you whereas no one ever could be like that. at least not so spontaneously.

you've always been a reserved girl. a quieter one who always takes a step back. not because you're an afraid being, but because that's how you learned to save yourself. you are like a writer, but only in her head, always screaming and shouting, but lets nothing out. you've always thought it'd be difficult for him to stick with you, and also you might be wasting his time. but goddamn he always proves you wrong. so this time, today, you chose to be nicer. you chose to hold him tighter for couple more hours to let him know you are open to be vulnerable, finally.

" i know you've important stuffs to attend tomorrow, but can you please leave a little later today? I can't believe i'm saying this and maybe i'm sounding so stupid too. but i guess i'm tired of making you feel alone too."

the furrow in his face disappeared in seconds. you could see how his eyes got warmed as if all the heavyweights just flew.

"i could easily spend the entire night here if you'd want me to. and no, it’s not stupid. in fact, i've been eager to hear this, and you know that very well too. don’t you? i also know that you feel guilty for acting this way, for distancing yourself when i ask you to be open with me, to be vulnerable with me. but you know what? that’s simply a part of who you are, and it makes complete sense. it's not your fault. you don’t make me feel isolated or lonely or left alone; instead, you push me to strive to understand you better. so whatever you need from me today, just say it. i'm here, for the entire night, or even the next day."

you could see how he kept brightening as he kept talking. and in that moment, for the first time, you felt no shame in keeping him close, and you embraced it.

" i could see your face being sore and pained. and i wished i could stay longer, and look now! you made it easier. you do bring comfort and make everything feel lighter. it's not always about me understanding you and giving you space. it's about you being considerate and keeping everything safe individually too."

he added.

a blink of a tear sparkled on your right eye, and then the left eye. you couldn't speak. and this time it was because how ensuring it was for you to make the first move of opening up, not because you're bottling things down.

the tears of joy started pouring down, and his thumbs kept taking care of them.

"i aspire to be like you to you. and i'm trying. no. actually, I will put in extra effort starting now. it torments me too. whether I deserve you or you deserve me; i don't wanna dwell on that. i wanna care about improving for you, with you. i might stumble sometimes, but not like i used to. not anymore! i know how it's difficult for you than for me, articulating my unspoken mind, trying to grasp the unknowns without any clues. but, i won’t let you do that any further. you will be aware of what's happening, and you'll know what's not. it won't just involve embraces and distances, but also hugs and pours. I won't burden you with unknowns anymore."

your grip got tighter and tighter on his wrists.

"you never burdened me. never. not in that way. instead you honoured me with a tenderness so rare, a part of your that no one could ever get or discover. so please tell me what do i need to do for you. tell me what'll make your aches dissolve."

you could've easily let him leave, just how you always did. but today, you did what he wanted for a long time, and you needed your whole life, becoming fervent and full. you wanted ease to settle inside you, alongside him. and without laminating your cries this time, you flowed in.

" i will. so please don't leave already, my heart isn't full yet."

[xxfangirl365xx]

just some thoughts on "MAMA" given the new lore he have (just random lol)

to be honest, I feel Mama might be the MOST inportant song going with the lore...It was one of the more theatrical songs from the show. The new lyrics,Maryanne,the computers in the background,the "child" G had...idk all of it was CRAZY (in the best way)

In my opinion mama has always felt like a desperate cry. Ik it's kinda like mother war and not an actual "mother" but I cannot help but think it's half mother war and half a fictional mother. (if that makes sense)

as we know the black parade has some pretty deep routed war themes and this new lore is making them even stronger. a son writing a letter home to their mother to explain how they will not get into heaven due to the horrible deeds they have committed and how ashamed they are of them.

With the new lore it almost feels as if G is also talking about the horrible deeds they have committed (maybe even guilt for the "election" they hosted earlier)

"mama were all gonna die" because they are now aware of their governments wrong doings and is coming out of the fog to realize this, that the dictator is taking innocent people out, and they are prob next.

it's almost like a final letter "mom, I'm not coming home, this is the end of the line. You don't need to know why but This is it."

and the "when we go don't blame us! we'll let the fire just bathe us! you made us oh so famous"

didn't the black parade "die" in a fire?

saying "it's not us. we did not die by something we did, someone else had a hand in it, but hey, at least we went out famous"

"mama we're all full of lies" that's a given. They were lied to and lied themselves about this whole ordeal

"and right now their building a coffin your size." it's almost like a "they got me, they r gonna come for you next by association from me"

"well mother what the war did to my legs and to my tongue"

this line has always stuck me as like they were injured in the war and the "tongue" reminds me of things like from the bible of "don't let your tongue speak evil" type of things yk?

so basically like "the war rly messed me up"

"you should have raised a baby girl, I should have been a better son"

regrets from both sides.

"mama" saying "if I had a baby girl, they would not have had to go to war and this would have never happened"

G/the parader saying "I should have been a better son for you!" like regrets of things not done

"she said you aint no son of mine! for what you've done, their gonna find, a place for you and just you mind you manners when you go"

she's mad, prob more of a guilt/grief mad that her son has turned into something "evil" or "wicked" from the war (idk if that makes sense but yk?) like she's horrified and angry at the things he has done. ashamed.

but the mind your manners thing I RLY like just angry but still being a mother like "how could you!" and "behave wherever they take you!"

ALSO

it could be the mother falling for the propaganda herself yk? like she reads the letter is is like "well maybe he deserves this! If he was doing something against orders. "they r gonna find a place for you for what you've done!" almost like "you deserve to be taken away for (whatever tha case may be)

"dont return to me my love"

like "don't ever come back! I don't want to see you again" kinda deal

"it's rly quite pleasant except for the smell"

the MOAT perhaps? He knows they r gonna go back to the MOAT or be killed

maybe trying to comfort her like "hey it smells but...it's not that bad mom"

then it turns into the rly "angry part" where he's just screaming "mama!"

"and if you would call me your sweetheart, I'd maybe than sing you a song" the mom is like reminiscing on how when they were little she would sing to them (maybe idk too much here)

and then G retaliate with the "but the shirt that I've done with this fuck of a gun you would cry out your eyes all along!" like "you shouldn't actually see me now. You would be horrified to see me and know what I've done

further pushing away his mother

this is rly interesting to me

"were damned after all! through fortune and flame we fall!"

again giving the black parade was famous,had status and then "died" in the fire to hide the fact they were in the moat

"and if you can say that I'll show you the way to return from the ashes you call"

again, they didn't actually die so "rise from the ashes" they were alive and rose back to some form of power as the black parade.

"we all carry on! when our brothers in arms are gone! so raise your glass high for tomorrow we die and return from the ashes you call"

again. this ties in a lot of recent lore for me.

The war theme. Now we know danger days and Black parade are more connected I am pretty sure revenge is tied in more. Mikey's medal for "dying" Ray has a red sash for being a medic...

and raise your glass high

ghost of you MV where they r at the bar...before the fight...where Mikey dies

they quite literally have a toast...raising their glasses high

at the end of mama u hear the mother crying. realizing the fate of her child.

I really strongly believe...somehow..

the universe where DRAAG is, is where people who maybe have died already go. That would explain the military themes and why the org.lore for black parade was they r where the patient goes when he dies.Maybe like a middle ground, not heaven,not hell.

they all died in the war, then took the role of having a band (which they did in ghost of you) and became the black parade.

long story short. This song connects revenge to black parade. Which then also connects it to the current lore we have.

idk if this makes ANY sense at all chat I'm gonna be SO real with you haha.

Let me know what u think :D

[enter-the-bogman]

I really appreciate OP's and the tag's perspective a lot. I think when I first began learning about Jeremy Brett I was very shocked by the whole "tragically suffering hero" perspective that's put out about his life. It didn't seem right, or nuanced, or even respectful, but seemed to be coming from people who knew him. It also seemed like a lot of it was coming from how stuff like mental illness, aging, and weight gain are stigmatized. However, I never KNEW the man, so even though I wanted to push against it I didn't have any other information. (I concluded that I should stop thinking about it so much because it was bothering me and ultimately NOT my business in the first place.)

I ALSO have felt conflicted because I personally LOVE the final Granada Holmes episodes (apart from The Last Vampyre.) I love EVERYTHING Brett was doing in The Noble Bachelor- it's genuinely one of my favorite Granada episodes. And I felt bad about that because Davies kind of frames that as something Brett did because he was presumably manic, and later regretted. Which might be true, or it might not! But I find it such a fascinating and unusual portrayal of Holmes' whole mental health deal, which troubles the classic "Oh he's SICK and then Watson LOVES him better" narrative. Which is certainly a comforting one, so seeing Brett choose something completely else- that mental illness can be difficult to manage (to put it mildly) even when one is loved and supported unconditionally- is quite brave.

I've always been very tentative to put all my love and thoughts about The Noble Bachelor out into broader fandom space, because I was aware of how unpopular it is. I've noticed an absence of conversation around those seasons (except for Caregiving Watson, and of course all the rainbows.) But maybe I ought to take inspiration from Brett himself, as well as trust that my experience of and appreciation for his choices is not wrong.

Does anyone else here feel that Jeremy Brett's last decade of life and his performance in every season of Granada Holmes after The Adventures is described as far more miserable than it might've been in reality?

I'm reading Bending the Willow rigth now and I don't like the author's pessimistic outlook at Jeremy's mental and physical state. I don't like the assumptions on how was he feeling and what was going on inside his head or how mentally ill he was. I am refusing to believe that his whole personality after 1986 was defined only by his illness... There must've been moments of happiness and pride in his life, right? I've seen some interviews dated around '90 where he seemed really content with his life and with playing Holmes. Which is even more sad to me because those latter episodes which he seems proud of are generally less appreciated by the fans than The Adventures - and sadly I think it's mostly because of his changing physique. It's so crazy that everyone are so keen on commenting of his face and body changing. Apart from the last season where he is obviously ill, the man just... I don't know... LOOKS HIS AGE??

[gpanada]

The whole niigo and their vocaloids are so hard to write and are so complex in so many levels that it feels like everytime i try to write them, it feels so ooc, it doesn't feel very them, which i understand that i truly wont get to write them perfectly but gosh they are so complex, especially with their interactions with eachother are so hard to capture (I have mad respect for the writers, especially the polyniigo writers)

Kanade might seem like a very simple and according to some, a boring character, she's just a depressed girl who has a savior complex who's trying to save Mafuyu, which is technically right but–

Kanade is not just that, she's more than that, that is being subtly shown in canon, Kanade is a girl who seems cold yet kind hearted, someone who is selfless for a 'selfish' reason, she is kind yet stands her ground when she believe something or someone is wrong, she is not easily persuade if she believe that she is doing the right thing, she's the leader, not only because she was the founder of the group but also because she is the reason why the others has yet to disappear, Kanade is someone who wants to hear her fathers songs again even if she doesn't show it or just pushes it away, Kanade is someone who just wants a family

Kanade has so much of an impact on the other niigo members yet she only sees the 'bad' effects she has caused to them and the others which i wanna talk abt

K's effects on Mafuyu's is pretty obvious since Mafuyu is the whole main focus of niigo, but i still wanna talk abt it

The way Kanade stood her ground against Mafumom and refused to listen to her demands and them having different beliefs on what is best for Mafuyu

Which made Mafumom act out a bit and controlled every single thing abt how Mafuyu act which makes Mafuyu realize how much N25 really means to her and caused her to have the courage to fight back and with the helped of Mizuki's words, had the courage to run away

Their friendship is so adorable to read as well

The way both of them help eachother one way or another and even if Mafuyu still doesn't understand that she cares for her(not only her but the others as well which I'll put more in detail later) she still does and do it

Ena's.. hmm i just cant stop thinking abt n25 wl2, Kanade was the one who founded and recognized Ena for her art, but as time passed on, she recognized Ena not only for her art but as a person, Ena has a soft spot for Kanade, Kanade was the one that found her and saved her when she was at her lowest, Kanade was the one that always found her whenever she was feeling down and in return treats her more kindly than the others, (KanaEna suppremacy/j) i just love them

And Mizuki... oh i have a lot to say, I love their interactions in Kana1, Mizuki was the one that helped Kanade and despite only talking in person for only a few months(?) I dont really remember, it was already obvious that they cared for her and eachother, also Mizuki was the first one to know other than Honami about her family, out of everyone in n25, Mizuki probably understands Kanade the most, she could predict and prevent on how Kanade would react and stuff, Afterall Mizuki is a smart character, i just wished we have more interactions between them, I've been living on KanaMizu crumbs ever since Kana1 released

Also Kanade saying "Mizuki is still Mizuki" was so cute i swear, Kanade understands that Mizuki was just showing who Mizuki is the whole time with just a secret abt their gender that they were afraid to tell and her appreaciating and saying thank you for being so brave and trusting them for sharing a big part of themsevles ahhh I cant

Im begging for more KanaMizu content

Whoever said Kanade only cares about Mafuyu should re-read the whole nightcord story istg

Next is probably the hardest person to write in pjsk for me is Mafuyu

Mafuyu is someone who is kind and gentle, one who wants to share the warmth she felt when her mother took care of her

For some she is the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the reliable honour student

To some she is a friend they wanna help, a friend who they wanna see happy and a friend who they admire

To niigo, she is a friend who is blunt, honest, one who is kind and is struggling to find their to self, a friend who they wanna help and want to be happy, someone who they will fight for just to ensure that she'll get better

She understands why her mother's way of love keeps hurting her as well because Mafuyu is a person that's whole nature is to please people ever since she was a child, and Mafumom's tendency to be in control, Mafu6 shows this well and shows as to why Mafumom and Mafuyu just won't work out in this current time and they'll just fall into old habits again

Mafuyu is blunt yet she cares, she shows this through her actions and not her words, (ironic for someone who writes the lyrics) well sometimes at least, she's honest and kind, she takes what her friends says to her by heart and does them even if she doesm't realize it, she cherishes the moments she has with niigo and feels lonely without it

She is a smart person, yet she is someone who knows what emotions you're feeling yet wont understand as to why your feeling that way

Mafuyu's frienship with Ena is always interesting to watch since those to are complete opposite yet similar

Ena is in simple terms, someone who feels too much and Mafuyu who feels too little, the're a perfect balance, Ena was the one that told Mafuyu to not let others push her around and to fight for what she truly wants, which encourage Mafuyu to well fight back and try to gain control over her own life

Also Ena finds Mafuyu as someone who can be honest with her and takes her critisism not as an insult but as a feedback to better improve her art, Ena cares for Mafuyu, making her stay at her house and even using that man's name in order for Mafuyu not to go home because she noticed how Mafuyu doesn't want to

They have helped eachother in so many ways even if they dont recognize it

Mizuki's friendship with Mafuyu is another one of those where those two understand eachother

Mizuki understands the pressure and having to pretend to be someone else and understands that it can becomes to much too handle, and Mizuki encourages Mafuyu to run away for anyonelse but to save herself from becoming broken completly

Mizuki told Mafuyu that its okay to run when things becomes too much, its better to run than to continue even when you know you cant handle it, Mafuyu learned to back down from something when she knows she cant handle it, she learned from Mizuki not too push herself to the point of collapsing and to just run away

Every single Niigo member helped her to grow and learn even when things become too much, they'll always be with eachother and rely to them

Ena's writing is so good, Ena is probably the character i relate the most

Her feeling like jealousy over the people who have talent and almost quiting art, the difference between me and her is that i let the feeling of no talent get over me and quit art to pursue music..

But this is not about me. I love the way she comes to accept that the path for the future is an unsteady and will come with many pain yet she still continues anyways

I love that even when she seemed to be always angry since she shows her pains through anger, she still cares and she shows it through her actions

They way she ran in the rain to look for Mafuyu, the way she always make sure Kanade's health is good, the way she makes sure Mizuki is comfortable

All those little things that makes Ena.. well Ena, Ena who's passionate over the things she loves, one where she would defend those she cares about in a split second, someone who keeps her promises, someone who is unpaitent yet will be if she needs to be

Ena who is kind and value her friends and family over anything else

I also love her sibling bond with Akito (the best representation of siblings in media) the way both of them seemed to hate eachother yet continues to have actions of care that makes the idea of them hating eachother so stupid

They execute it so well, it doesn't seem forced and just so natural, it reminds me of my siblings, im the youngest of my family

I just love the shinonome siblings that i could make a whole separete rant abt them

I also love her friendship with Mizuki

The way she doesn't get angry at her teasing and just plays along, the way she didn't spare a single second to make Mizuki come back

The way she just looks at them(niigo) with nothing but love i love Ena

And lastly Mizuki

Mizuki is smart, someone who notice even a smallest details and remembers it, she's someome who cares for her friends and value it more than anything else

She's someone who tends to hide her pain through humour and comedy, she's also emotionally smart, someone who notices and comforts her friends when they need it

She has trouble trusting someone yet when they do, they are loyal to them and cares for them

For Me, Mizuki is probably the easiest to write out of all the n25 members but that doesn't mean she's not easy to write, there's still many things i need to learn about her

There's probably still a lot of details i missed, afterall this is all just my understanding of the characters, also i haven't even talked about the cards and how they are connected, and also the songs and all the little details in the lyrics and instrumentals, there is so much more in Niigo that i have yet to understand

Which is why i love them, they are so hard to write

There is so much more i wanna say but this has been too long so maybe next time

Whoever is crazy enough to read all of it is probably.. well thats just wow im surprised well hello there

(also i have yet to read the Ena Bloomfest, BABY ENA WHOO but i will after i sleep)

[multifandommilfs]

If only I loved you with my eyes; rather than my mind

Pairing: Andy x reader

Wc: 1340

A/n: i wanna thank @skwldy for their prompt! Without them this fic probably won't exist. I probably took too long to write this so I hope you can pardon me 👉👈

______________________________________________

"The night is still young!" Was the common phrase amongst mortals. You always thought you understood what that meant and thought it would be amplified ever since you lost your immortality to the unknown.

What a load of bullshit.

Now the nights were drowsy and the mornings flashed past in a blur. The sequence was all the same; wake up, try not to get stabbed, hit the sack.

Unfortunately, you still found yourself in battles (or battles found you). So pain was rife and so intolerable that sometimes death sounded enticing. You had never told anyone about it but you were sure they saw it on your face. The agony, the exhaustion. They wouldn't understand anyway.

So the only solace you found was the riverbank near the safehouse. It was shrouded by a stream of bluebells and cattails. During the nights when wounds from your battles intensified, you always found yourself sitting at the edge of the river with your legs dipped halfway into the cooling water. It was a moment to finally breathe and to let up the tough front.

On most nights, you and the flowers became one until the sun rose in all its glory and woke you up warmly. But tonight was not most nights, tonight the darkness gave way to the bulbs of fireflies, and the silence gave way to rustles.

You turned, squinting to make out the approaching figure. The silhouette was tall and slender, clad in jeans and a tank top. It took only a second for a smile to push up your lips in recognition.

"How come i never knew there were flowers here?" Andy said, the tips of her fingers slipping from petal to petal as her hips bumped cattails to form a little trail.

"Because they weren't here in the first place. Not until the past few weeks anyway. The fireflies too, I've never seen them until tonight. It's probably all the water I brought to land or something. Made the place more fertile than it was." As proof, your legs swung up onto the riverbank, seeing the dirt immediately soaking up the puddle of water that formed beneath your feet.

"And here I thought we were done playing god."

"And here I thought you believed in no god."

She shrugged, settling down beside you. "How am I supposed to reason..." She shook her head, unwilling to utter her thoughts, as if keeping it in would make the whole situation less real. Her heavy eyes met yours in the silence, conveying her grief without a word.

The sight sent a pang of pain straight to your heart. Your jaw clenched, eyes slipping to your lap. Of all the pain you've felt since you turned mortal, hers was the most gut-wrenching one. Tears pressed behind your eyes, but you willed them not to fall this time, not now, not tonight, not when she was right here by your side.

So you forced a smile instead, "I don't know, I guess the world just has plans. Or maybe whoever's up there just so happened to cancel the wrong subscription."

The joke fell flat. She didn't laugh, she didn't even smile. Your brows pulled together as worry built in your chest. "What's wrong?" Your hands reached out instinctively to comfort her but she slapped them away, tears reflecting off her eyes.

"How can you take this so lightly, act like everything's fine when it's so far from that? Do you think I don't notice when you sneak out in the middle of the night? You're in so much pain you can't sleep anymore. Why are you trying so hard to hide it from us? Nicky, Joe, Booker, we are all- we're all so worried." She took your hand in hers, wanting to close the distance. "моя любовь (my love), do you hear me?"

The way her eyes darted in uncertainty was heartbreaking. You shook your head helplessly, retracting your hand. "I can't bear it- " you cried out, stumbling to your feet.

"What are you talking about?" She clambered up, her hands closing around nothing when she reached for you. Her lower lip quivered at the emptiness, tears breaking down her cheeks.

"I have to leave. I want to leave. I can't bear seeing you like this." Your hands gesticulated in fraught.

"What are you talking about?!" Her voice rose, trembling. The realisation was creeping in but she didn't want to believe it. Around you, the fireflies swarmed anxiously, the glow petering out.

Breath ragged, she was petrified, dreading every word that came to exist within the space between the both of you.

An unwanted sob fled your lips, you shook your head, dashing away. Your legs cut through the (small) meadow, the safehouse growing blurry as tears spilled down your face. Hot on your tail, you could hear her confusion as she pleaded for reason.

It was all too late for you anyway. Death was out there somewhere and you'd better find it first before it finds you.

The door to the church slammed open. Your gasps and sobs loud against the quiet. You rushed to the bedroom, pulling out clothes, guns, ammo, anything you deemed necessary and shoving them into the duffel bag. Around you, the rest of the team were clamouring, firing questions but you were only shaking your head, wiping away the wetness and mucus from your face.

The closing zip was galvanising. You moved with conviction despite doubt crawling up your spine. But Booker was faster, his body blocking the expanse of the door. You held his gaze. "Let me through, Booker."

"I can't do that. We're a team, remember?"

"No, we're not, I'm going to die and you won't. Do you know what grief will do to you, to Andy? It's been five hundred years since Quynh, Booker. "

Behind him, Andy's feet slowed to a stop. She could finally breathe, but the relief didn't last because Booker slid away and you took the chance, tearing through them and into the open.

In flashes of your figure, she grabbed your bag on instinct, stopping you. "Let me go." You grind out, her grip turned white and yet you still tugged your bag fruitlessly.

"You think I can't handle another death." She stated.

"No, you can't handle mine. I'm the death of you, you know that."

Her grip fastened. A gun brandished, you put the nozzle above your beating heart, finger on the trigger.

Just as you expected, her shoulders tensed as life flashed before her eyes. The only reason she hasn't knocked the weapon out of your hands is because she knew you wouldn't do it. Yet the possibility alone was threatening enough.

The silence was tremendous as you faced her glare. So hateful, so betrayed. You needed to remind yourself that it was for the best; to love was to lose. Then again, the course of true love never did run smooth.

_________

On May 10th of 1940, twelve decades after you left, the Charlie safehouse became the only untouched spot from German troops, but the team had long evacuated France and the whole of Europe to avoid the war.

It wasn't until they retrieved the new immortal that they returned to the safehouse again.

Came nighttime, Andy lingered by the graveyard that was once a lapping river. A wilted stalk between her fingers, it only felt like yesterday when bluebells and cattails brushed her skin, tickling and leaving soft odours. Her head angled up, eyes seeking the high moon that overlooked life below, wishing for the knowledge of your whereabouts.

Far away, she heard the creak of the church door, the interior light spilling out into the darkness. Nile wandered out. "Can't sleep?"

Andy hummed in response, twirling the stalk again but this time it disintegrated beneath the pads of her fingers, falling to the ground below.

"You okay?" Nile joined her side.

"Yeah," she wiped her hands against her jeans, getting ready to leave. "I guess I was just expecting to see some fireflies."

[b0kevi]

cw for the request, i currently have a small sh addiction in a way and i wanted to know if u would write a male/GN yuu reader who came with sh scars and has a habit to not eat most of the time (cuz i do that), for the characters i specifically would like Deuce, Ruggie, Azul, Kalim, Epel, and Ortho! the ones in orange i would like more than the others if thats to many characters :))

it is perfectly ok if you are uncomfortable doing this request and i respect that wholly , thanks for making these fics and making my day enjoyable lol <33

(TW) Them with a reader who SH

summary: how they would react to a reader who has sh scars and doesn’t eat a lot

trope: hurt/comfort, angst if you squint, fluff

info: can be seen as romantic or platonic, up to you. tw about sh, ed. not proofread, masc reader, no specific pronouns used(i believe) I realized I made this more about ED than the SH..

characters: ruggie, kalim, epel, deuce, azul, ortho (jade, vil, leona, jamil, grim mentioned)

w/c: kalim: 519 ruggie: 488 epel: 378 deuce: 345 azul: 378 ortho: 300

a/n: as someone who struggles w this I get it. tho I've been a year clean, I still struggle w food n stuff but if anyone needs someone to talk to, my dms are open <3

ruggie

at first he didn't mind that you shared your food with him. free food is free food, who is he to say no?

he first thought you took pity on him thats why you would always give him big portions of your food.

"of course not! I just ate earlier so I'm not hungry."

that somehow always became your excuse. it was always 'im not hungry' 'i ate earlier' ‘I don’t like this anyways’ but would hear from grim that you haven't eaten anything since this morning.

you weren’t eating on purpose.

it’s not like he cared, more food for him. so why did it bother him so much?

he would leave snacks around you without a word. a snack on your desk, snack in your backpack, snack on your table, hoping you’ll just take it and eat it. (using leona’s card ofc)

you two were in savannaclaw folding everyone’s laundry. savannaclaw felt hotter than usual so you took off your blazer and rolled up your sleeves without thinking much of it, going back to your work.

at that moment ruggie had looked over at you. he had his fair share of bruises and scars from throughout his life but he knew those were different.

“soo… you gonna tell me what’s up?”

you looked at him puzzled, “sorry?”

ruggie sighed as he nodded his head towards your arms.

oh. right.

“it’s nothing just-“

“yeah that won’t work with me. Come on y/n, you don't have to if you don't wanna but I wont charge you or anything I'm pretty understanding.’’

It’s not that you didn't trust ruggie, you just didn't know how to bring it up.

You sighed— deciding you should tell him. you trusted him despite everyone else.

Reggie was surprisingly a good listener.

He's not the best at advice but it wasn't terrible. again ruggie has been through a lot himself so he would understand a bit. if you don’t want advice and just someone to listen to you, he’ll do that.

afterwards he still uses leona’s card to buy you food, he hates sharing but would give you small portions of his meals just to start. would somehow make time so you two can eat together since he also can go days without eating.

if you feel insecure about your scars he will show you his scars and tells you the story behind them, “this ones from jumping a fence while I was running away from the store clerk- listen the food was out in the open how was I supposed to know I had to pay for it? sheehee”

he can always sense when something’s wrong so will de-escalate before you get any ideas, he always keeps an eye on you just in case

you two are partners in crime, ruggie has your back and you got his. he doesn’t want anything bad happening to you no matter how much he denies it.

kalim

kalim had his suspicions but never said anything because he didn't want to upset you.

there would be time where he would subtly bring it up, hoping you'll open up to him.

"what happened y/n? did grim do that? or.."

he saw your scars and his grin faded, his heart felt heavy but he soon recovered and asked while hovering over your arms.

“oh yeah, grim doesn’t like getting up early so…”

a lie.

grim would never do that to you on purpose.

“right! well if you ever need anything i’m always here for you! i’ll get you whatever you want too! it doesn’t matter what it is!”

then when he noticed you weren’t eating, at first he thought you didn’t like the food or were allergic.

“is it too much seasoning? jamil makes the best food! its not poisoned! do you not like this?”

you would always reassure him that it wasn’t that, you just weren’t hungry at the moment.

kalim would always invite you over to eat, he wouldn’t force you to eat (maybe a little but he doesn’t mean any harm, it’s more like that one time he gave grim a cracker)

after the second week of excuses, kalim will finally bring up what’s on his mind.

“y/n… i’ve noticed you haven’t been eating, is something wrong? are you feeling okay?”

you once again try to brush it off, not wanting to make a big deal out of it but kalim isn’t going to brush it off.

“y/n, you can tell me if something’s wrong. i’m here for you and if you ever need something i’m here! you don’t have to fight this yourself, i want to help you, really.”

kalim truly wants you to know that he will do whatever to help you out, he already knows what happens when he doesn’t check in on people.

he doesn’t want you to bottle up your emotions like jamil did, he knows you won’t overblot but he saw the scars on you and he doesn’t want you to resort to that again.

when you finally do open up, he’s thrilled. he’s a very good listener and also very touchy, will hug you or have an arm around you, playing with your fingers, always lingering but will try his very best to restrain if that makes you uncomfortable.

afterwards he’ll always look out for you. if you eat a small portion he’ll congratulate you, “see! wasn’t that delicious y/n? want a little bit more? no? that’s okay you still ate something which is great!”

praises you for little accomplishments and will cling to you for a while until he sees you’re doing better. he will still cling to you even if you are better but that’s just his nature.

“you’ll tell me if you ever have those urges right? don’t hesitate to call when you’re feeling down okay? my magic carpet is super fast! i’ll be over like that whenever!” he snaps his fingers.

deep down he is truly worried about you and will do everything in his power to be there for you.

epel

honestly epel always thought scars were cool. i mean have you seen leona and how badass he looks?

epel never saw you differently. you were still you, you were still his friend no matter what.

he would never pressure you to tell him what happened. he didn't need to know, he was just glad you were here but whenever you do want to talk, he’ll listen closely while staring at them. not in a weird or disgusted way but almost like studying them, deep in thought.

“you’ve been through so much… these don’t change anything, if anything they show how strong you are. I think they make you look pretty manly too.” he grins trying to lighten the mood.

if you're insecure about your scars he would always remind you how manly or how cool and strong you look. if anyone has a problem with them they'll have to go through him.

when he notices your eating habits he tries to get you to eat at least an apple or something small to start.

“y/n you have to eat if you want to grow strong! bulk up those muscles! vil’s always on me for eating three meals a day and having a proper diet…”

he would always gift you apples but now every time he sees you he gives you an apple.

epel is always by your side kind of like a bodyguard but also a personal reminder, will intimidate anyone who looks at you funny. he will also give you a water bottle or a snack as a reminder to drink/eat something.

he might even seek help out from vil on how to help you out. he wants you two to grow strong together but he's not quite sure what to do.

epel is your personal hype man, he will make sure you feel good about yourself.

he might panic a bit if he sees you're upset, tries his best to calm you down or distract you so you don't do anything crazy.

"vil gave me this face cream that's supposed to help you calm down if you ever feel overwhelmed, here. if you ever feel like that let me know, I'll come over as fast as I can, we'll work it out together okay?"

deuce

when deuce first saw, he didn't know how to react. he didn't say anything in the moment, he didn't know what he should do. should he pretend he didn’t see? say something to comfort you?

He didn't want to upset you or make you uncomfortable with his staring or silence but he was quiet for a while that you knew something was up.

deuce always tries his hardest to comfort you but sometimes he can be messy but you always appreciate his efforts.

“it’s fine deuce, they’re old anyways…” you decide to just rip the bandaid off.

deuce is a great listener, nodding along to show his listening and paying attention to your words.

will give you a hug or rub your back if you’re comfortable with physical touch.

he will immediately go to riddle and ask for advice on how to help you. he wants to do whatever he can to show that he cares but doesn't want to mess it up so he goes for guidance.

deuce also has his fair share of scars from his delinquent days. "I know it's not quiet the same but they just show us how we became stronger. you're here now and that's what matters, we wouldn't have met if you didn't push through."

he always shares his food with you, he lights up when he sees you eating, it might not be much but its a start. he'll be with you throughout every step of your journey.

"this is my favorite, want some? is it good..? yeah? have some more! oh take your time no rush."

you can always feel his stare on you, he tries not to because he can see it sometimes makes you uncomfortable but he's making sure he doesn't miss any signs or signals that you might be feeling upset.

deuce is going to be for you this time, he doesn't want you to go back to those dark times again so he will try to prevent it and make sure you're happy with yourself and taking care of yourself as well.

azul

azul would be very understanding, when he noticed your eating habit and it would remind him of his younger self.

azul has always been self conscious of his appearance; he just tries to hide it. which is why he was quick to pick up on your eating habits.

azul knows you probably don’t want to have this conversation but when you’re constantly not eating he couldn’t take it.

“im not going to be your taste tester jade…” understandable.

“how do i know it’s not poisoned?”

“oh please I made it myself.”

“intriguing but i’m not hungry right now”

interesting.

he would watch you a bit before pulling you into his vip room and ask his burning question.

“y/n, I’ve noticed a pattern… what’s going on?”

of course you played naive. "what are you talking about?"

azul would become vulnerable with you, he should have pulled out a contract and tried to scam you but he didn't want to do that to you. he would most likely make you sign a NDA because he would open up about his past and issues, hoping you would too and does not want that to get out.

azul is not the best at comfort but will listen, he shares his experience to show you, you're not the only one and how he understands what it's like. he would offer his own advice if you ask.

azul doesn't care about your scars, they do sadden him a bit but youre still here and thats all that matters. he has the twins keep an eye on you to look out for signs in case you get overwhelmed.

azul would always drag you to the lounge and bring you simple meals at first, he would set you reminders but he was also your own personal human reminder as well to eat or drink something.

"I can't afford this-"

"free of charge." you stare at him.

"okay first few meals are free then you can pay me back later, but we'll discuss that later. eat." he would let you eat in the vip room so you guys would have privacy and can eat at your own pace.

he hates seeing himself in other people so despite everything azul does want to see you get better.

ortho

ortho knew the first time he saw you, he could read your vitals. all of them were below average, you didn’t need to tell him anything.

ortho would always check in on you. he's used to checking in on idia and reminding him to drink water and eat proper meals so he had no problem doing that with you. also doesn’t mind dropping off meals. ortho would push you a bit harder but he means well, he knows how idia can be so he pushes you in case you’re the same but he knows your boundaries and when to let you be.

ortho would always sit with you to make sure you actually eat, he doesn’t eat himself but he’ll pretend so it makes it seems like you’re both eating together and not just him watching you.

ortho always reminds you that he’s there for you, if you ever want to talk or hang out to get your mind off things.

I feel like ortho would give baymax vibes and look up solutions and gather friends to help you.

he’s super supportive and reassuring, but can be overprotective in the beginning, if he sees anyone being rude to you- he will not hesitate to get his laser out.

“y/n l/n! if you ever feel the urge to self harm, I have some alternatives that might help! if they don’t, don’t worry i’ll find more! please let me know if you ever feel like that, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you..”

"y/n l/n! It's time for lunch!"

"I already ate ortho"

"no you didn't, according to my scans you havent even eaten breakfast! come on let's go! you can't fool me y/n!"

he means well and is willing to lend a helping hand.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

a/n: I remember one time at work my coworker saw my scars and was like 'omg what happened? was it a cat?' I just changed the subject n said sure my cat (who has no front claws) did that..

IDK WHY EPEL IS SO HARD FOR ME TO WRITE- i tried..

orthos part is def platonic.. idk if i need to specify for that..

[saffronish]

Just yesterday I started thinking about Castiel in season 12 and how certain mannerisms of his seem to have changed since season 11, or, more specifically, since he was possessed by Lucifer.

One particular scene from 12x03 really made this suddenly very obvious to me. Take a look at Cas' reaction to finding out that Crowley had tried to team up with Rowena to hunt Lucifer before going to Castiel himself.

Castiel outright mocks Crowley and makes a face that reminded me so much of Lucifer that for one split second I forgot that Castiel wasn't possessed anymore

Compare with this scene^ Is it just me or is this a very Lucifer thing to do?

Here're some more examples that stood out to me:

^ This last one here is really interesting, actually... The whole leaning on the windowsill, the rather patronizing look, chewing his tongue in thought

The whole episode in itself is littered with bits and pieces of a rather more sarcastic Castiel than usual (the whole season, even). We can frequently see him rolling his eyes at Crowley... which, yes, understandable... it's Crowley, but I feel like Cas didn't act around Crowley like this before... or with anyone for that matter except for a few rare occasions.

It's all very Lucifer-esque.

Fast forward to episode 12x07 when we see Castiel again; he very clearly does one thing that is, first of all, extremely funny but also not very Castiel-ish, if you get what I mean.

He complains about Crowley constantly talking, which is, again, understandable, but the way he does it...

Now, I'm not trying to say that Cas is never sarcastic or bitchy ("what part of 'I don't know' escapes your understanding?" "my 'people skills' are 'rusty.' Pardon me but I've spent the last 'year' as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent." "you think I came because you called?") it's just that in this particular season the way he acts when frustrated or pissed off sometimes reminds me of how Lucifer acted in season 11. It's really very subtle but it's undeniably there.

(Also, I will not be mentioning ep 12x10 even though we get peak Castiel sarcasm in that one. The reason for this is because that whole episode just feels like Cas rather then unconscious remnants of Lucifer, especially since he was also in a fight with Dean at the time and that would of course affect his behavior.)

So skipping that we move on to 12x19 and these reactions

^and this smile??? Context for those who don't remember: this is when Cas placed his hand on Kelly's belly and felt Jack for the first time... take from that what you will (Jack biologically being Lucifer's son and all). Don't get me wrong, this is a really innocent smile of an angel feeling the grace of an unborn Nephilim for the first time... it's incredibly sweet. But the half smile reminds me of this

...and both (especially the first one) remind me so much of these

Same side for the half smile (or smirk in Lucifer's case). Poor guy probably doesn't even realize he's doing it which just makes all of this so much more intriguing. Reminds me of how Nick Vaught (Lucifer's more recognizable vessel) snapped his fingers at Castiel to try and kill him in season 14 after getting angry. It was a habit for him to do so, and he regretted it immediately afterwards... but he still did it.

So I'm guessing that being possessed by Lucifer affected Cas similarly. Apparently some of Lucifer's more subtle mannerisms have stuck with Cas next to the emotional trauma. It doesn't always show, mind you (Castiel is still sarcastic in his own special way, and I love that about him), BUT when you put into consideration that he was possessed by Lucifer for half a season, it makes sense that this would happen...

There are probably so many more examples but I'm gonna have to stop here before my computer crashes from the amount of gifs I've been using lol

Cheers folks

[freyafrida]

rilla of ingleside, chapter twenty-one

“I like to keep it up regularly, for father says a diary of the years of the war should be a very interesting thing to hand down to one’s children.”

This line is pretty funny on a meta level, given that this book is fascinating as being (to quote Wikipedia) "the only Canadian novel written from a woman's perspective about the First World War by a contemporary." (also I do think that's valuable, but it always cracks me up because it's such an overly narrow category. r/cherrypickedstats vibes)

Speaking of Kitchener, I don't believe it's mentioned in the book, but around this time -- after his death -- is when the city of Berlin, Ontario voted to change its name to Kitchener (the name wasn't changed until September though, it looks like).

“It was wonderful and heart-breaking to see that battalion marching past. There were young men and middle-aged men in it.”

I didn't make the connection that the county battalion was basically a "pals battalion", very good reminder from @librarianofinterest here -- it's sad to read about how proud Rilla is, knowing this community, including multiple generations of fathers and sons, could've been wiped out if they had been sent to the wrong battle -- which did happen IRL to several towns :/// (I've read some stuff about how WWI generals weren't quite as incompetent as the popular view of the war paints them to be -- I haven't done much reading on how true that is or not, though -- but the "pals battalions" feels like one of the decisions made with a romantic, all-just-a-game view towards the war instead of what it was actually like. Insane that they were still doing it well into 1916.)

“At the station Dog Monday nearly went out of his head. He tore about and sent messages to Jem by them all. Mr. Meredith read an address and Reta Crawford recited ‘The Piper.”

This, again, feels like such a romantic view of what's happening. Interesting contrast to Walter's send-off, where hardly anyone was there because it was so common to see men enlist.

“I felt so proud to think that it was my dear brother who had written such a wonderful, heart-stirring thing.”

Given the contrast to the later poem attributed to Walter about the war...oof.

“must be something incurably frivolous about me, because, right in the middle of it all, with me crying and Fred looking so wild and tragic, the thought popped into my head that it would be an unendurable thing to see that nose across from me at the breakfast table every morning of my life.”

lmaoooo this feels like one of Aunt Jimsie's stories from Anne of the Island.

“‘Well, why didn’t you kiss him?’ asked mother coolly. ‘Considering the circumstances, I think you might have.”

Funnily enough, I feel like the bit with Fred and Rilla is where the age of this book comes through almost more than anywhere else -- "you should kiss a boy who's going to war just to be nice to him" feels like something my grandma would've believed. (Given that, I am trying to consider that Fred's probably not being pushy and weird for the time, here, but...man.) (Although also given that he asks for the kiss in the spirit of Rilla's friendship, I'm wondering if he was after a Walter-style 'brotherly kiss' -- whatever tf that is, admittedly -- and Rilla refused because she's taking the whole 'keep your lips for Ken' thing literally -- which again, the ambiguity of Ken's request! Is Rilla cheating if she kisses another guy on the cheek? Did he just mean that he doesn't want her to kiss anyone else romantically? Is it more or less severe depending on whether or not they're really engaged? I don't blame her for being confused. Explain yourself, Kenneth.)

Also it's...interesting, I guess, that for all Rilla grows beyond being shallow and frivolous through this book, her romantic arc and motivations remain fairly static. She doesn't get past her (mutual) childhood friendzone with Carl to fall in love with him; she doesn't get past Fred Arnold's nose to fall in love with him (the rest of the book indicates they're at least friends and she thinks the rest of him is good-looking). And -- I mean, if Rilla were a real person, I'd say not liking a guy's nose is a perfectly valid reason not to date him; if she's not attracted to him, then she's just not. But as a fictional character, it's -- interesting, if nothing else, that Rilla's romance isn't really tied to her growth as a person through the novel. Contrast that with her own mother, whose arc involved seeing past her romantic ideals to fall in love with someone who she didn't want to admit was more realistically right for her. Even if she were to stay interested in Ken, Rilla also just, like, waits for him to come back and internally wonders over the ambiguity of his letters without taking any kind of initiative herself -- despite her growing into a stronger and more forward person otherwise.

I think there are a lot of reasons for this that I'm not sure I have enough brain cells to discuss right now, one being that this book is less about Rilla, the way the Anne books were about Anne, and more about using Rilla to show what women went through on the homefront, and to that end, Walter and Ken and Jem and Rilla herself are all more stand-ins to show aspects of the homefront experience (and the boys are more stand-ins for various aspects of the soldiers women knew -- the favorite brother, the sweetheart, etc.) rather than characters...anyway.

The scene between Anne and Rilla is so sweet -- dubious advice about being like, "Ken definitely proposed to you" aside -- we don't see much of Anne as a mother during her children's more turbulent years, so it's lovely to see her giving advice to Rilla here. The bits where Anne and Rilla become closer towards the end of the book are some of my faves. (Also interested in the idea that Anne maybe thinks Ken and Rilla are engaged because Ken is the son of one of her close friends and thus wouldn't be insincere in his request.)

“But I’m glad mother thinks I’m really engaged to Ken!”

Also, absolutely hilarious that Rilla ends on this line. Priorities!

glossary:

Readying Rilla bits:

The Baxter triplets were originally called the "Sotherby" triplets. Several of the other Glen residents, like Charley and his helicopter dad (to quote @batrachised) weren't originally in the draft and were added -- which tbh, makes the possibility of losing all these men even more depressing.

Funny, cut detail that Reta Crawford "stood on a pile of lumber" to recite "The Piper."

Fred Arnold originally asks Rilla to promise to marry him "when" he comes back, instead of "some day, if" he comes back. A little less confident there, lmao.

Cut line where Rilla mentions that "if Ken really hadn't meant anything in particular, I would might be in a very humiliating position when he came back." (👀)

Anne originally says that "now she is a woman grown" and "the war has made a woman of her.", instead of "the war has made a woman of you too soon."

Anne also calls Rilla "dear little woman-child" instead of "dear little Rilla-my-Rilla."

[jordiemeow]

my purely personal take is i don't think the challengers fandom is dying but i think it got so cliquey with only the same writers/fan blogs interacting with each other that it started to push other fans out and dissuaded them from even wanting to interact with those blogs.

the other thing about it is because it's a movie, the experience is kinda finite. there's only so much dissection and discussion that can happen before it becomes repetitive. same with fanfics - at a certain point, it's rly just that author's oc with a character's name.

valid take. i do think that's kind of inevitable in smaller fandom spaces. it's hard to break into an established circle, especially when things have been active for over a year. integrating with other writers at this stage isn't always easy. i know i'm definitely guilty of sticking to my following feed (general algorithm sucks) rather than reading through tags. part of that is habit, and part of it is just general burnout. i haven't been reading as much here since the anniversary, to be honest. but that does create a bit of a bubble, and i'm sure others feel the same way about consuming what's comfortable and familiar, which unfortunately doesn't do much to uplift newer voices.

on that note, if you're a new or smaller writer in the fandom, please don't hesitate to reach out! there's definitely bigger accounts to get promo from but my DMs are always open if you're looking for mutuals or want help getting your work seen. i'm more than happy to share or reblog fics, hype things up, or just talk <3 i do genuinely love this community and the creativity in it but i also remember what it felt like to be on the outside looking in, so i totally get how nerve-wracking it can be to insert yourself into spaces that feel already formed. sometimes all it takes is one little push

but yeah there's only so much you can write about two homoerotic tennis players and the woman they're both in love with 😭😭 it's such a specific triangle that a lot of stories naturally start to overlap after a while. i've definitely noticed a rise in AUs lately, probably as a way to avoid recycling the same ideas. i don’t mind repetition as a reader, but when it comes to writing, it’s hard to find a fresh angle (patrick can only fuck you in his backseat so many times).

and if we're being real smut is what gets the most traction. so more plot-heavy or slow-burn fics tend to get buried unless they’re paired with something smutty. not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just kind of how fandom attention works in an 18+ space. but it can be a little discouraging if you're someone who enjoys writing more nuanced, character-driven stuff and it doesn’t quite get the visibility you hoped for :(

it's easy to feel disconnected or like it's harder to make an audience for yourself, especially when things feel insular or repetitive. but i do think there’s still room for new ideas/fresh takes!! it just takes that extra little bit of effort now

[bookhobbit]

I keep trying to write another post occasioned by my digging through books on white Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christian culture but it just sounds silly because I have to use the goofy-ass language they used to talk about it because that's how it was taught to me. Like if I type it out it sounds completely trivial and nonsense. I feel like, most people in the USA feel that they have a grip on this type of Christian Jargon because literally these people have been in some of the highest offices in the land for decades, and like, that's not untrue, but there's a) the way they talk now isn't the way they talked in the years I was growing up; there's been shift, b) I think it's true that many many many people outside this group do have some sense of it but there's still a lot of nuance I think is missing is you weren't raised in it, and c) the Evangelical/Fundamentalist movement is extremely fragmented and theologically diverse so what I grew up with many not apply to many other people. And I think that's one of the things that is alienating about it, and why I'm struggling to sort of shake some of the baggage, because I can't really talk about it! I could only talk about it and be understood with someone who was there. But I don't talk much to people who were there and certainly not about this.

[puzzledboi]

lmao, looking at old headcanons i made on this blog 7 years ago is making me realize that even tho i haven't actively written him since 2019, yuugi has somehow grown with me despite having been a dormant muse. even tho i've been roleplaying since 2011, ygo was the first fandom i tried out indie rp for ( and actually the first animated thing i rp'd as well ), and in the many years since then i've grown as a writer in many ways, and i approach the way i write muses differently than what i did when i first picked up yuugi as a muse. because now i look at those old headcanons or random ooc posts talking about him and i just cringe a little. not because i disagree with everything i said, but a good chunk of it i just look at now and just go ".... yeah, no, that's not him."

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[quitedisastrous]

i wish i could just do nothing for a few days straight. maybe even just sleep for a few days straight. sooo excited for constant misery over the next 20 days

ranting in the tags. i would just scroll past if i were you

[bibiana112]

fuck waiting until friday to get my cardio appointment actually

[atlxolotl]

Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more:

I miss my husband so goddamn much

February 27th, 2025

I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.

I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.

They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.

I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?

I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.

EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.

Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.

Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.

EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.

[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago

March 2nd, 2025

Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.

I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.

We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.

What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.

I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.

He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.

We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.

I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.

I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.

Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3

EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.

EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.

[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night

March 5th, 2025

My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.

A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.

He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.

He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.

At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.

I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.

Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.