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lafortezaboy · 2 days ago

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hey babes i'm sorry to hear that you have a time during the holidays 😢

this is actually my first time ever requesting !

can i request some dani x tmasc reader please 🙏

thank you lovely! you're a sweetheart, and holiday things did get a little overwhelming so i've only just gotten around to this, but i hope you enjoy! and, i'm honored to be your first request!!

content / warnings: established relationship, reader is an influencer, reader uses he / him pronouns, reader talks about being trans / realizing they were trans, there's no explicit transphobia but there are mentions of it, so please keep that in mind before reading

it wasn't often that you spent the night at the dorm. while you loved all the girls in your own way, with five other people living there, it could get chaotic quickly, and sometimes you and daniela just wanted to spend some time together. but when you had texted your girlfriend, asking if she wanted to come watch a new show with you, the texts you'd gotten back were worrisome.

daniela was never truly down. sure, she was just like everyone else and could be upset or sad, but her bright personality nearly always outshined in the end. unless something serious was wrong, she could shrug off anything. so getting the text that she didn't want to leave her bed? you'd told her you'd be there as soon as you could be, knowing that something was up.

getting to the dorm was no trouble, and sophia wasn't surprised to see you at all when she opened the door. that alone confirmed it, that something was wrong, and you needed to find out what. as soon as she saw you enter her room, she was lifting the blanket up for you, and you were slipping in beside her to pull her close, pressing kisses to her cheeks and the tip of her nose, telling her that it was okay, that you had her now.

you couldn't tell how much time passed as you held her, waiting until she was ready to talk, if she was willing to at all. you didn't mind the silence, though. you could hear faint squeals from one of the other girls – megan, if you had to guess, and you could hear the light noises that came with sophia making dinner. but daniela was what you focused on, on the way her hair felt so soft between your fingers, how her head rested perfectly in your neck, the comforting scent of her perfume. you could have fallen asleep, honestly, but when she shifted to look at you, she had your undivided attention.

"can i ask you something? about . . . about you, you know?" the way she asked the question clued you in pretty quickly, because you'd heard it before, from friends and family who were confused, from people who didn't understand. but her tone didn't feel the way theirs had, daniela seemed hesitant, but still a little curious. so you gave a little nod, fingers still running through her hair. "how did you know? that you're a man?"

the way she said it reassured that she meant no harm by it. others had worded it in such a way that had made you internally groan, fully expecting an argument by the time you were done. but she said it so surely, like she had no doubts, and that was partly why you felt the answer come so easily.

"well, for a while i didn't," you admitted, gazing up at the ceiling fan, watching the blades spin. "i knew i had always liked girls, and i was always a tomboy, but the gender stuff didn't really come in until puberty hit, and i started hating the way my body was changing." her arms tighten around you then, and you lean a little into her more, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead to show that you were okay.

"i started hating myself too, for a while, but i have great parents, and the second they realized i wasn't okay, they got me into a therapist. but i wasn't comfortable at first, because i had a woman therapist, and it just didn't feel like stuff i could say to a woman? so i asked to switch, and then they gave me this male therapist. and i could talk to him about stuff, you know? like sports and cars and video games, and all these things i had been taught that were the standard guy things, and i felt really comfortable with him. but i was jealous too, because i was going through all these changes and i didn't understand why my body couldn't look like his. why my voice couldn't get deeper or i couldn't grow facial hair, why i couldn't get taller. and eventually, i opened up to him about that, and he gave me a whole bunch of stuff to read about gender and sexuality."

you let out a small sigh then, and you could feel daniela's eyes on you, checking for any signs of discomfort. your arm just squeezed her a little, hoping to reassure her that it was okay. "so i read all the stuff, and it kinda just clicked to me that i was trans? and i think that i really knew a few months into transitioning, when my dad called me son like he did my brother, and it just felt right? like i didn't have to be the person i felt like i was forced to be, i could just be me, and my family would love me and have my back."

daniela's hand had made its way to your chest, and after you finished talking, yours came up to hold it, bringing it to your lips gently. "is there a reason you wanted to know, dani?" you asked, glancing over at her. the way her eyes avoided yours told you the answer, but you waited, wanting her to open up in her own time.

"this morning i . . . you know i watch all your tiktoks, like a lot," she started, and you let out a little hum. she did do that, she loved seeing the things you posted. "and there was one where your shirt was off, and i thought i would get to see people drooling over you in the comments and get all cocky because you're mine, but there were a lot of people being gross." it didn't take you any time to realize what she meant, and you just nodded a little.

"yeah, that happens all the time baby," you told her softly. she huffed then, arms tightening around you once again. "well it's bullshit, and i don't like it ," she grumbled, and you couldn't help the little laugh that escaped you. "i don't like it either princess, but it's there. it's always gonna be there, in some way or another. there's always going to be some asshole who wants to hurt people, but just because they try, that doesn't mean that they do get to hurt me. like, i'm comfortable in my own skin, and i'm doing what i love, surrounded by the people i love, and i have the most perfect girl anyone could ever ask for as my girlfriend. some losers on the internet aren't going to ruin my day by being dicks in my comments."

she was quiet for a moment after, and you simply let your fingers begin running through her hair once again. eventually though, her hand came up, tilting yours to the side to press a soft kiss against your lips. you kissed her back in an instant, lingering as long as she'd let you, but she pulled away much too soon.

"you can't ever change, okay?" she said, hand still on your cheek. "because if you change, they win, and then i'd have to beat them up. and i don't really want to go to jail, but i will." you laughed before you could stop it, and she quickly joined you, pulling you closer to her. you wrapped your arms around her completely then, rolling the two of you over so you were hovering over her. she moved with you, and once she was flat on her back, she looked up at you with such devotion in her eyes that your breath caught in your throat.

your fingers came up then, brushing her hair behind her ear gently as you looked at her. "i won't let them win, i promise. because if you do go to jail over me, i'd lose sophia's approval. and i really like being allowed over, because then i get to do this." and she seemed to read your mind because hands were cupping your face as you leaned down, pressing your lips against hers gently.

#katseye.#daniela.

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voikiraz · 3 days ago

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— ꒰ ∗ ִ ⍺lways ᧉven ᥒow ⠀ ꒱ [ k.dh ]

Lovers . donghyun x fem!reader ⠀𝑤. angst, breaking up w donghyun should be the biggest warning, hurt no comfort lolsies step ? #843 M.recordings [ lol, merry Christmas pookies ( for those who celebrate )]

syn. maybe it was just a story that was meant to end one way or another.

His heart squeezed tightly as he stared at the only light source in his dark room, his phone displaying a few words he didn't want to make sense of, he took a few seconds of heavy breathing until his fingers slid across the screen.

He can't run from this forever.

“Can you please call me when you have the time? We can't keep pushing this talk back donghyun”

A few taps on his phone and the ringing tone was making it’s way into his ears, making those few seconds take a much longer toll on him.

“Hey,” he heard your voice call out and his breath hitched.

He can't lie and say this was fully unexpected, he knew something was up.

The way he was starting to forget the warmth of your touch, your gleaming smile that was only reserved for him, your soft voice that lulled him to places and feelings he could only ever dream of.

It wasn't the same anymore and he knew that, your touch still lingers against his skin, but empty of any warmth that once used to soften his heart, your smile is pettyfull, reminiscing what could've been, your voice is firm and full of what ifs that were failing to leave your lips.

“Hi” his voice cracked, and you barely even heard him.

“Listen, i know you were expecting this and i know its so wrong of me, this isnt easy for me to say, i need you to know that you mean so much to me hannie and ill always care about you and ill love you no matter what, but you can feel it too leehan-” you sucked in a breath, trying not to let your emotions get the best of you. “We're moving in different directions and growing apart, and its not your fault, i'm not trying to play the blame game here you know that, but i think we both deserve to be with someone moving along with us, and growing with us and its eating me alive that i can't be that person for you anymore.”

He leaned against the table, feeling like if he kept pacing around the room his knees wouldn't hold up, your words echoing one by one through his mind and piercing through the air like sharp knives.

“I hope you know I'm doing this because you and I both know that it's what's right for us, maybe we won't understand that now but it's true.” You sounded composed but the soft sobs that were falling from your lips didn't fall on deaf ears, and leehan shut his eyes as tight as he could, thinking maybe it'll be over quicker that way. Maybe

Deep down he knew that it wasn't really anyone's fault, it was just life, but he never heard you sound this hopeless before, broken, and he just wanted to hold you, caress your hair and tell you that it's okay, he's there for you and nothing will ever make him leave your side.

“I love you, i dont think I'll stop loving you any time soon, but for now, we can't be together donghyun.” You inhaled deeply, silence stretching for a few seconds before you hung up, you knew he wouldn't say anything, you could practically feel everything he wanted to say radiating to you from the end of the line.

You gripped your phone tightly as you just stared at the wall, too exhausted to move, blaming life for destroying what you could call a perfect life, you cried, and cried and you couldn't do anything but look down and let your mind wander.

Until you drifted off to a place where everything felt less heavy.

11:48 pm.

You got a message from ‘my hyunnie’

“you have no idea how much i love you and how much i care about you, i would do anything for you y/n, i've been trying to find the right words for hours, but i don't think any words can capture my feelings for you.

I dont want to let you go, i cant, i dont even know how to do that, i keep telling myself that it'll be okay but i cant help feeling like I'm losing a part of myself with you, maybe its selfish but you're my everything y/n and i’ll never let go of what we had even if it kills me, i keep wishing we would've found a way to make it work but i don't think this is our story anymore.

But i want you to know that even though things are changing, my love for you will never change, you were my whole world for so long, and i'll always remember that, i understand that we're moving apart and even though that's so hard to accept, i want you to be happy even if it means you won't be by my side, just know that i'll always carry you with me wherever i go, always.

Take care of yourself my love, i'll never stop loving you”

Kim donghyun

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dariusaurs · 2 months ago

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i think dinostar is such an interesting ship right now even if i've kind of turned away from it after this season. the problem is that it's complicated, and fandoms historically don't like nuanced situations or takes. i don't think it's fair to say darius is putting brooklynn on a pedestal, since from his perspective, she hasn't done anything wrong, and kenji has been framed as this unfair partner to her. it does feel like his feelings are very immature and more of an infatuation right now ("if he loved you half as much.."/"unless?"), especially when you compare them to kenji's own feelings for brooklynn - his girlfriend who he's loved for 6 years - but that isn't a horrible thing, it's just different. i do completely understand if people dislike the ship right now, and even criticize darius' way of handling the accidental confession, but i just think people have been way too harsh on all three of them without being willing to see that all of their perspectives are different

#like darius' whole thing this season was his tendency to say or do the wrong thing and make things awkward by complete accident #he's a very awkward person as it is and considering he's also never dealt with romantic feelings before and he didn't even mean to tell her #about them it makes sense that he once again said and did the wrong things while trying to fix it #i'm not going to judge his characterization just yet until we see how he handles his own feelings vs kenji's next season after finding out #she's alive #he was still respectful of her and i doubt after learning more of kenji's side and realizing this man genuinely does still love and miss he #that he would prioritize pursuing her romantically(especially since she already yk.. rejected him and also literally just left them all)#if anything i think the finale putting his feelings about her survival to the side and focusing on how it hurt kenji to see her alive and #leave him kind of indicates that brooklynn's not really going to be much of a love interest for darius after this #which imo as a dinostar enjoyer and professional darius lover i'm actually okay with #slightly off topic but season 2 has made me really appreciate kenlynn on its own because of how tragic and nuanced it is #so i think focusing on them instead is not only a better decision in terms of consistency and storytelling but it's just the more realistic #and satisfying choice right now #and that's not to say i think they'll be perfectly fine or even together again once they're reunited properly #in fact i very much hope she ends up alone and they all get closure from this #and there's always the possibility that later on the show might actually revisit dinostar again #which would be better than them trying to do so now in my opinion #idk this is probably a mess but i've been trying to think about how i felt about this love triangle for awhile and since s2 handled it #completely differently than i thought they would. i feel like it's not going to be that simple #and i just wish fans of all sides would kind of chill out on the characters lmao #jwct #chaos theory #jwct s2 spoilers #brooklynn jwct #jwct season 2 spoilers #dinostar #kenlynn #kenji kon #darius bowman #jurassic world

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solivagantingrebel · 1 month ago

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hey guys who wants another round of tmi

#ive been #this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it #i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm #not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it #has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was #fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa #by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will #always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus #i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being #countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it #has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying #its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man #keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just #thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not #crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive #funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it #tmi #rant #embarrassed myself enough i think #sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough #i'll be okay

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crabussy · 2 years ago

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I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy

#it's ok to reblog this post and ignore the rant in the tags I don't mind at all /gen #hi guys #got another load of trauma from school #and I am not dealing with it well at all my legs have been shaking so badly for 4 hours now #had a panic attack so bad that my face went numb and the edges of my vision went black and my legs gave way #I hate my teacher she's horrible god I can't even go into it here there's so much #I'm tired of getting abused at school I've been to half a dozen schools and have not gotten traumatised at ONLY ONE OF THEM #I have no adults I can go to about this #whenever I try to talk with her and the head teacher about the situation and why I'm fucking terrified of her she acts so patient and kind #whenever I'm alone with her she will yell at me about everything I'm doing wrong and continue yelling even when I'm in tears #she will berate me and put me down and insult me directly #when she gives feedback she always puts effort into making it hurt #the language she uses for negative feedback is never what a teacher should say it's always personal and uses your weaknesses to hurt you #I get really bad intrusive thoughts about her hurting me physically because of how terrified I am of her #the worst part is she acts nice and sweet whenever she's not picking apart my weaknesses and being cruel about my disabilities #I felt so sick after that I haven't eaten since #vent tw #trauma tw #listen to my gibberish boy #ggod I hate this school

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beesorcery · 5 months ago

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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power

#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u #it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like #image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity #because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash #but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin #and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way #god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids #and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word #so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids #and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people #(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me #but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him #and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way #wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out #im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway #got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also #makes me weirder by proxy

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bibiana112 · 11 months ago

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fuck waiting until friday to get my cardio appointment actually

#that's fucking it tomorrow is exactly a month since I've had this I'm going to the fucking hospital #I didn't know heart attacks aren't all sudden and sometimes have weeks of ongoing signs beforehand fuck that #I can't eat I'm too busy crying not entirely out of physical pain but also I never felt so lightheaded while crying this little #I hate my parents I hate how they believe family is the most important thing in the world but if I'm scared I'm just supposed to deal with #it on my own because they'll never bother to understand me I hate that I'm alone if my roomie was already back #she'd have helped me go the first night I felt something wrong #why do I always have to do everything I'm so tired #i love alexythymia i love so much neglect growing up that I can't understand my needs physical or emocional and just have to endure it #I love you dead is the new alive that started playing on the other room rn really comforting #delete later

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ijzermansdriesen · 9 months ago

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Two years later and on the other side of major depressive disorder, I don't remember ever crying for maandag 11:03 like I did today.

#like don't get ne wrong I've cried a lot like A LOT watching Sobbe.. an insane unhealthy amount even #over the littlest of things but #not over maandag 11:03 as far as I can remember #Sander breaking down.. his broken cries in Robbe's arms and I couldn't hold my tears anymore #somehow I relate to Sander much more much much more than I went on the hiatus and it's funny because I already related to Sander more #than Robbe before as well #I just felt what he must feel on a very deep and personal level... to think he can never be loved or be treated normally again to always #feel like a victim of his illness a shadow that's lurking always and can anytime overshadow what little happiness or normalcy he tries to #reach and then have someone to tell you it's okay I'm here you're safe you're good we can and we will get through this together ...#to feel anchored and not like you'd fly off any time to have the stability of a loving caring person even through the worst of times when #you hate yourself #oooffff #a crying mess it made me #the way Sander trying to be strong otherwise but breaks down as soon as he realises Robbe really loves him he's really staying ...#not the cruelty it's the tenderness that makes you break down #just how horrible Britt must have been to him nobody deserves that shit #wtfock #don't know if I want to tag this but I'm keeping travk of my posts this way so anyway tag is bereft of people of sorts

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m4niackkyun · 2 years ago

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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)

#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately #mostly our relationship with our step father #there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did #i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness #that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account #I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time #maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms #but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.

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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years ago

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Uhm

#I'm feeling like trash physically I really don't know what to do???#I have been struggling so much with eating recently but I thought it was normal because of the upcoming exam y'know?#Well yesterday I took the exam and yet the problem??? Didn't magically disappear like I thought??? And now I feel so betrayed??????#Yesterday I got takeaway at my favorite Chinese restaurant and that's a cup of noodles and eight dumplings #that's my usual order I always take‚ normally that's one meal #This time it took me?? Three meals to finish it??? Because after a while I just feel too nauseous to keep eating????????#So like. something is wrong™ but I really have no clue what it is or how to fix it...#Plus the entire day I've felt like crying for. no reason lmao. I'm literally crying right now and I have no idea why is that #I can't reason anything that is making me upset currently? So I'm there mentally looking at myself like *awkward monkey meme*#And my head hurts. Like something is wrong but I really can't tell what it is nnnggghhhh this is. not optimal #The worst part is that I feel so nauseous I can't imagine bringing myself to cook because cooking is already a tool alone #and now I'm also supposed to cook when I don't want to eat???? Like how can I convince myself to do that #But obviously I can't stop eating. Alas I STRUGGLE. The food in the fridge is going bad 😭😭😭#I made sure to change air in my room and I took a shower today so. I don't know what could be causing it really #Anyways if anyone can advice on eating when the thought of eating alone makes you feel nauseous I'll gratefully take it 😭😭#Not even snacks work btw I was eating nutella and pandoro and who wouldn't love nutella and pandoro #and yet I felt like gagging the whole time... Ugh #The actual worst part is that like this I don't have the strength to study but I really need to study for this huge exam the 14th #random rambles #eating disoder trigger warning #Why is that the recommend tag?? It's missing an r bestie????#eating disorder trigger warning #eating disorder tw #←← That makes it sound bigger than what it is please don't worry about me it's just a temporary issue!!#Using the tags just in case for blacklisting purposes

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raeyapper · 1 year ago

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I can not even begin to describe how I love this comic so I will just put it in dhe tags best I can.

a comic i made for hero's birthday 🍳 ✨

#not my art #I understand this #on a completely different level #Because in the 5th panel #It says #I think I'd forgive him even if you couldn't #And I have this problem #Where I can't cut toxic ppl out of my life #So they do red flag behaviors #I see the red flags #But I keep forgiving them #Even after all my other friends hate them #I can never seem to hate anyone #No matter how hard I try #I don't think I've felt a burning hate or anger at someone else #Is there so.ething wrong with me?#In the 6th panel #He talk about living her so much but never too much #I am trying to teach myself this #I cannot physically or mentally cut someone out of my life #Despite my best efforts too #Because no matter what happens #I will always understand them #And I can't find it in myself to hate someone when I know exactly what that feels like #In the 7th panel #I can't forget the choice is always live #Is something that I hold close to my heart and I hold it very tightly #Because no matter what happens I will always chose the kindest option I can #Because I hate seeing other people in pain #And j love seeing other people happy

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alexiroflife · 6 months ago

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"tears"

fluff for the sukuna fans bc i've been in a soft sukuna mood

ryomen sukuna x reader

Synopsis: sukuna isn't a stranger to arguments with you, but when he catches you crying after a particularly harsh one, he finds himself scrambling to fix it... in his own way

to sum it up: sukuna is an asshole but he loves you, so he tries his best

WC: 3,296

Warning(s): a lil angst

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you first started a relationship with the infamous king of curses, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less when his tendency to be an asshole hurt your feelings.

You know Sukuna isn’t a sentimental person who cares much for things like verbal reassurance, or consideration for the way the things he says can impact you, or anyone for that matter, but damn! Sometimes, he’s just too much of a jerk for you to handle, and Sukuna himself has no idea why your fragile human emotions sway you to be so affected by him. He doesn’t even think he’s said anything wrong the times in which you grow angry with him.

Now, Sukuna can handle your anger. Anger is good. Anger means that there is something he can react to, something he can tame or involve into your intimacies when he takes your mind off of silly arguments or subdues your attitude over what he deems to be small inconveniences. Anger is the only human emotion that he has felt himself in his many years of existence, so he knows what to expect. He understands it. He’s not, in the slightest, intimidated by it.

But what Sukuna finds he can not handle is the sound of your sniffles that resound from behind your door after you’ve just slammed it into his face. Sukuna angles his brows, pressing his ear to the door in confusion. Are you… cold? Coming down with a fever? What the hell are you sniffing your nose so much for?

Then he hears the meek gasps that intercept, the vocalization of pain that creeps into your weakened inhalations that accompany your damned sniffling. That’s when he realizes that you’re crying, and his pupils shrink slightly knowing that he has gone a little too far this time.

Hell, how is he supposed to handle you crying? He can’t fuck your sadness away like he can with your irritation. He can’t mirror your sadness, since he has no clue what the hell it’s supposed to feel like. He can’t empathize with it either, for he has no idea what he could have done to bring tears to your eyes and empathy, well, it’s not in his vocabulary to begin with. It’s pathetic, he thinks, the way you have allowed him to bother you this much…

Yet it kills him to know that he’s the reason behind your tears.

He stands there for some time, unsure of what to do. Should he get Uraume to handle this? No, that may make things worse. You may want to be alone.

He turns to leave, but something stops him. He feels an ache in his chest, pressing his hand to his bicep. What the hell? What is this feeling?

He can still hear you crying, and somehow, it sounds like it’s getting worse, louder, or perhaps that is all in his head. He can no longer tell, but that sound you’re making is the only thing occupying his mind, and it’s ruining him. It’s making his chest tighten, his brow furrow, his lips press together tightly. He should leave, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to abandon you like this.

Never once in his life has Sukuna felt remorse. Not even for all the times he has made you angry in the past when you two have had arguments. He is so quick to blame your reactions to things on your feeble human emotions. He is so quick to evade responsibility, or more so, refrain from guilting himself over the things he is responsible for. He is so quick to dismiss you, but it’s always fine because he has never witnessed you grow sad over his behavior, not until now.

Sukuna turns back to your door slowly. His hand flies to grab the handle to throw the door open, but he hesitates. He’s unsure of what’s happening to him, for he’s never hesitated before in his life. This, you crying, him second guessing himself, it’s all so new and he hates it. He needs to fix this immediately.

What do you humans like when you are upset? There’s a word that’s slipping his mind, one he always hears you pester him for but turns down repeatedly. He had found the concept so irrelevant that he hadn’t even bothered to recall what it’s called.

He crosses his arms and stares ahead harshly in thought, then it comes to him. An apology! Yes, that’s what it is. But of course, you can’t expect him to verbalize such a thing. You must want something as a gift. A physical representation of his desire not to see you cry. He rushes off to locate Uraume for preparations.

About an hour later, you’re curled up on your bed and facing the wall with a blank stare. Your tears stopped a while ago, and since you hadn’t heard from Sukuna, you assumed he just didn’t care about your feelings. Like always.

“Oi,” a gruff voice through the door startles you. You jump and turn over, curling your brows in confusion at the sound of Sukuna’s voice. For a moment, you don’t believe he is speaking to you, so you wait some time to see if he will speak again. “I know you can hear me in there,” his voice sounds again, and you groan.

“Go away,” you tell him, flipping back over.

Sukuna, on the other side of the wall, clicks his tongue in agitation. “Quit your pouting and come open this door.”

“No. Until you learn how to treat me better, I don’t want to see you.”

Treat you better? Sukuna doesn’t understand this nonsense. You live in his large estate, you’re pampered by servants, showered with gifts and homemade meals, you sleep by his side every night, and he allows you to disrespect him far more often than he should. Not to mention, he has his arms full of presents at this very moment that are preventing him from opening the door himself. How can he possibly treat you any better than he’s already treating you?

He growls lowly and closes his eyes in irritation. “If you open the door, your mood will improve.”

“I don’t want anything other than what I just said.”

Sukuna’s eye twitches. Why are you so damn difficult? “What is your-”

“Go. Away.”

Oh. Alright, then.

You sit up abruptly when Sukuna’s foot breaks in the door with a loud crash. You stare with wide eyes, the door, now off its hinge, creaking open weakly to reveal the king of curses with his arms full of several bouquets of flowers.

“What the fuck, Sukuna?!” you cry. He only stares frustratedly as he walks into the space univinted.

“This was going to go on for too long if I hadn’t done something,” he says, approaching the side of your bed.

“You can’t just- fuck! What is wrong with you?”

Okay… this is already going poorly.

This is not the reaction he had desired from you, and perhaps he should have revisited the idea of kicking in the door, but he had been growing impatient. Despite his big talk, he doesn’t like when you speak to him in such a cold way. He doesn’t like being separated from you. He doesn’t like not being able to see your face, and after all the work he has just done to collect these plants for you, he can not tolerate being turned away.

“Must you be so dramatic?” he tsks. “Do you not see what I have brought to you? Don’t you humans like these things?”

You stare at him incredulously, mouth agape. Sukuna can see the tear stains clear on your face, and his heart clenches again. God, why is that sight so abominable?

He holds his arms out, presenting the flowers to you as if you could have possibly missed them. “They are yours. Take them and be done with this.”

“Be done with what, Sukuna?” you shake your head, face scrunched.

“With your tantrum- your tears, and the sniffles. Be done with them now. Here.”

You scoff. “Do you even know why you're giving these to me?”

Sukuna raises a brow. “To cease your tantrum. As I just said.”

“I can’t with you sometimes, Sukuna. Honestly.”

“This is really the thanks that I get for bringing you these damn flowers? I thought you were supposed to like things like this. Why would you make me waste my time?”

“If you think it’s a fucking waste of time to bring me flowers, then there’s your problem right there,” you raise your voice, pointing at him accusingly. Sukuna’s face hardens. He thinks you’re getting angry again, but he can still see the sadness behind your eyes. You look almost… defeated. “And if you knew me at all, you’d know that I never cared about any of that stuff. I never cared about the flashiness or the gifts or whatever the fuck.”

Sukuna lowers his hands, letting the bouquets drop carelessly to the floor. “Now you are accusing me of not knowing you?” he seethes. “I’m not sure when you decided that it was acceptable for you to speak to me this way, but I will not tolerate it. I do nothing but dote on you, you ungrateful brat.”

“Yeah, sure, you dote on me, and then you turn around and berate me and call everything I feel stupid because you don’t care to even try to understand why some of the things you say are not okay!”

Sukuna walks closer to invade your personal space, leaning in to glare angrily at you as you do the same. This is what he knows. This is what he chooses to respond to. Not the curl in your brow, not the tremble of your lips, not the unsteadiness of your voice, but your anger. “Why should I care if all you do is whine,” he grumbles.

You clamp your mouth shut as a lump forms in your throat. Sukuna watches you unravel before him, and while he tries to keep an unmoved expression, he is internally panicking when he sees your eyes gloss over again and your nose flare.

Shit. He’s supposed to be making you feel better. How has he gone and made things worse again? Why is he incapable of understanding how to be what you want him to be?

You take in a trembling inhale as your hands clench and unclench at your sides. You don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t want him to call you weak, but you can’t help the tear that breaks past your lashes and dashes down your cheek, a physical display of your heartache.

Sukuna’s crimson eyes fly to the tear, and his brows smooth out against his intent.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

You’re crying again, and it’s his fault. It’s always been his fault. What is this now that he’s feeling? Regret? Shame? Is that what is clawing at his chest and stripping him of his resolve? Making him wish to replay this entire interaction so that you do not appear before him with tears in your eyes once more? Is this what it is to fall?

You rub angrily at your eyes and huff, turning away from him and plopping back down on your bed, back facing him. You shut yourself away, close yourself off, and deprive Sukuna of your pretty face for the second time today. “Just leave me alone. You’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t give a fuck about me or anything, for that matter.”

Sukuna’s eyes widen slightly with the deepening of his frown. That ache he has felt in his chest spreads throughout his body, serving as tension in his back, head, and shoulders. You think he doesn’t care for you? What nonsense. You’re the only being on this planet who has made a millennia of existence worth living, and you think he doesn’t care?

Sukuna can not even pin the blame onto you this time around. He can not accuse you of overreacting, nor can he evade such a thing that is so clearly his doing. He has made you feel uncared for, and while his temper may get out of hand, and his inability to fully comprehend the plagues of the human mind gets in the way, and he never tells you that he loves you, making you feel unloved is the last thing he ever meant to do.

“Hey,” he mumbles, but you do not move. You cling to yourself for comfort because you do not believe he can provide any for you. “Brat-” he starts, but rethinks. He reaches his hand out to you. “(Y/n). Enough of this.”

“I don’t want to see you right now, Sukuna. Can’t you respect at least that for once?” you croak.

His hand freezes and he lets it fall. Respect. Understanding. That is what you want from him, and he has not been giving it to you. He has not been giving you anything that you request of him emotionally, for that matter. He has been neglecting your mental needs whilst overpowering you with the physical, and it’s drawn you away from him.

He could force you to get up. He could drag you by your hair to his bedroom. He could make you look him in the eye, make you stay with him, make you stay silent about this from this point on and forever more. Sukuna has the power and the authority to do so…

But the idea is not appealing. Not in the slightest.

Sukuna wants you happy. He wants you to want to be with him willingly, and if he ignores your consent now of all times, it would be like throwing away the life he has built with you. Throwing away your desires, and Sukuna does not long for a world in which you are any more uncomfortable than you already are.

He takes a step back, looking over the flowers that he has dropped, and accepts the will of the mortal he fell in love with.

“I will be in my chambers if or whenever you wish to see me,” he says lowly, giving in. He moves to leave but stops himself once more. He never had stopped himself this much before. “...I apologize for making you cry. I will send someone to fix your door immediately.”

Sukuna is well on his way when he hears you shuffling behind him. He turns, admittedly hopeful for your reaction, and finds you peeking in confusion over your shoulder. “...What did you just say?” you whisper.

The king of curses stalls, looking directly into your eyes from across the room. He feels suddenly… weak. Vulnerable. For the first time, he has relented his power for you to take hold of, and it feels strange to say the very least. “Do you wish for me to repeat myself?”

You sit up slowly, turning around. You knuckle at your red nose, watching him suspiciously. “I do. I may have misheard you.”

He studies you for a moment until he realizes that you are being facetious. “You heard me the first time.”

“Maybe I just want you to say it again.”

Sukuna sighs heavily. “I did not intend to make you cry, nor did I intend to make you feel as though I do not care for you. That is a foolish thought, but I understand I do not convey the depth of my feelings for you the way you wish me to convey it.”

You look dumbfounded as you stare at him in silence. Sukuna clicks his tongue, unsure of how you are going to respond.

“Quit staring at me and say something, woman.”

“I just… never thought…” you trail off, swallowing harshly. “I never thought you would ever say something like that to me.”

“You will only hear me say such things when you are- when I’ve made you unhappy,” he clarifies firmly. Your nose twitches, an involuntary movement that Sukuna catches and finds entirely too adorable. Your eyes are still damp, but your breathing has evened out.

“That’s the first,” you quip.

“Enough.”

You press your lips together, glancing at the flowers Sukuna brought you. Just then, you notice that they are your favorite.

You tell yourself you knew what you were getting into when you first started dating the king of curses, but at times you forget that Sukuna is in fact a demon, and a king at that. He does not believe in any better than what he is.

“You hurt my feelings, Sukuna,” you say softly. “Don’t you get what that means? At least for me?”

“No,” he responds honestly. “But I do see now that you have different needs. And I understand that I refuse to watch you cry if there is something I can do about it.”

You try to remain angry with him. You try to keep yourself distanced, but you can not help the way that you are softening, and Sukuna notices. A hint of a smirk curves at the corner of his lips.

“Is that all I had to say to make this better?”

“Shut the hell up,” you hiss. “It wouldn’t have killed you to apologize for the hundreds of other times we’ve fought, you know.”

“You weren’t crying the other times, woman.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you roll your eyes.

Sukuna tilts his head, placing a hand on his hip. “You’re not still upset, are you?”

“Yes,” you pout, and he catches on.

“What is it you want now, to be pampered like a spoiled brat?”

He makes the suggestion as if to offend you, but the two of you both know that he is hardly making a joke. “What I want is for you to fuck off.”

A chuckle rumbles in Sukuna’s throat as he makes his way over to you. You immediately break and screech when he yanks you forward by your ankle and loops you up into his arms before sitting down on your bed and setting you in his lap.

He looks you dead in the eye and lifts a rough thumb, swiping stubbornly at your tear stains and your damp lashes. “Crybaby,” he mutters, and you swat his hand away.

“Whatever, asshole.” You push at his chest with weak contempt and he looks at you boredly.

“You’re pitiful,” he grumbles, gripping your chin securely and guiding it to him. His blood red eyes seep into yours, gazing intently. “No more tears, do you understand?”

“Then don’t make me sad.”

“I won’t,” he tells you confidently.

A smile twitches on your lips as you look over him, completely unfamiliar with this side of the king of curses. “Can you do one more thing for me, and then I’ll maybe think about forgiving you?” you bite your lip, pressing your finger to his broad shoulder.

Sukuna grunts. “More demands, huh? I suppose you know how to take advantage of a situation. What more do you want?”

You wrap your arms over his neck. “Tell me how much you care about me,” you sing.

“Did I not just do so?”

“No, I want you to spell it out. Tell me you love me.”

“I highly tolerate you.”

“Tell me you loveeee me.”

“You are the only human being I do not frown upon.”

“Sukuna.”

“Christ, woman, you’re mine. Isn’t that enough?” he grits his teeth and you snort, patting his cheek gently.

“For now.”

“Such a pest, you know that?” he mumbles, pushing in swiftly to press his lips firmly to yours in a swift peck. “Don’t ever say I don’t care for you again. It is the most false and offensive thing I have ever heard."

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