#because I'm afraid I'll go back to that awful state of being

[doctor-disc0]

Tbh I'm more afraid of being underweight than overweight because being underweight would probably mean that I had gone back to the period of time in my life in which I was so nauseous all the time that I couldn't eat, which only worsened my nausea. Those couple of months were some of the worst in my life. I could barely move. I could barely eat. I lost weight that, at the time, I didn't even have. My life was a living hell.

So yeah, even though I've gained weight, even though I no longer fit in some of my clothes, at least I'm not doing the opposite. At least I'm not constantly nauseous. At least I can eat and move. At least I'm not afraid I'm going to starve because eating makes me feel sick.

[cherrygukki]

after last night (m) || two

➸ pairing: rich! ex-fuckboy!jungkook x f. reader ➸ word count: 7k ➸ genres: unrequited love, non-idol au, smut, angst ➸ synopsis: Jungkook finally sees you after several months since your last time together. Surely enough you'll stay with him unlike last night, right? ➸ warnings: possessive!jk, unprotected sex (don't be silly), whiny and vocal jk, boob slapping, mirror sex, doggy style and missionary, rough, manhandling, tons of kissing, dirty talk, uses of "slut" and "whore", praise kink, oral (f), fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, pussy whipped jk, reader grinds on jk's abs, hints of reader being afraid of committing to jk :(( ➸ author's note: i'm finally back after a long hiatus! decided to write another part to this since most of you seemed to like it :) this can be read as a stand-alone, but i suggest reading part one first for more context! feedback will be appreciated as always <3

read after last night (one) here

"Hey, I don't think I'll be able to go out today. My head suddenly hurts and—"

"It's okay. You should get some rest. Bye." You cut your friend off with a sigh before hanging up the 15-second phone call you held with him. At this point, you don't really care whether your voice sounded frustrated on the other line because you are. You've been waiting for more than half an hour at the destination you were supposed to meet, only to receive a lame excuse which clearly translates into him not wanting to spend time with you today.

You exhale another deep sigh once more before standing up from the bench you were sitting on, clueless on where to go after being left in the ditch.

The stranger you were sitting next to can only stare at you in pity when she overheard the conversation you had. After all, you went out of your way to make your appearance look as glamorous as possible in hopes of impressing him, even putting on the effort to wear a high set of stilettos despite the sharp pain knocking on your feet.

And here you are, aimlessly strolling around the mall like a lost puppy. There's no other goal in your mind right now aside from getting home as soon as possible after the sour event you recently experienced.

However, being set up by your crush is unfortunately not the end of your embarrassing saga. It was too late for you when you abruptly heard the heel of one of your stilettos snap in half, causing you to shamefully trip in front of a large crowd.

You silently whimper in agony as you hear the whispers of people around you.

"I got you." You mentally praise the heavens in joy when you see a concerned hand reaching out on your fallen figure. You grab it without hesitation while the kind gentleman slowly guides you back on your feet, ensuring to remove your broken shoes to avoid any more accidents.

You sigh once more, already embarrassed enough that your pride is ripped apart from a mere slip-up.

Looking up, you intend to thank the unknown man for his kindness.

Instead, your gratitude is replaced with shock within the flick of your eyes.

Your mouth hangs agape to see the face of a person you've never seen in weeks — no, months. Your eyes go wide like a deer caught in the headlights, your breath caught in your throat. And yet, you silently stare at him in awe. As much as you hate to admit it, those delicate features that adorn his charming face are still very much prominent. In fact, you even think he became more gorgeous than the last time you saw him. Hence, here you are, appreciating your ex-fling with stars in your eyes.

"Jungkook?" You finally found yourself muttering to him while his firm grip on you doesn't relent.

He merely responds with a boyish grin before carefully examining your body to see if you've received any injuries. "Are you okay?" he softly asks.

You quickly nod, "Yeah."

"I saw you walking around earlier," he states. "I was about to approach you until this..." he trails off to stare at your wrecked heels, "...happened."

For the umpteenth time today, you exhale deeply, having no clue whether you ought to simply walk home barefoot or buy another pair of shoes that'll damage your wallet.

Jungkook seems to have already founded out the thoughts troubling your mind, for he immediately grabs your hand and drags you toward the nearest store he can find.

"I'll buy you a pair," he voices before you can make any refusal. The only thing you can do now is follow Jungkook around and let him treat you for at least today, internally cheering with glee that your telepathic message has conveniently gone over to his end.

You ought to pay him back later.

Although you do intend to purchase merely one pair of shoes, shopping took longer than to your liking.

With your indecisive behavior and his extravagance combined, Jungkook almost insists on obtaining the entire shop at this point from how much you struggled to pick something.

Declining the offer, you settle on with another set of heels to at least match your outfit. While it may not be as comfortable as wearing some sandals, the wedged heels Jungkook gifted you felt certainly better than your previous stilettos, your feet actually feeling secure for once as they were much lower this time.

"Thanks for saving me today," you meekly say as you and Jungkook are wandering through the mall.

"I'm just happy to spend time with you." He replies before giving you another one of his signature smiles that has your heart fluttering for him.

With that, you suddenly remind yourself that you're still indebted to this man. You part your mouth to change the subject, offering him a treat.

"Do you want to eat something together? I'll pay this time."

His eyes widen from your utterance, and he's swift to reject your offer. "No, no! It's fine, really. I just wanted to help you out."

"If you weren't here, I would've gone home looking like an idiot so I really owe you one."

He couldn't help but giggle at your persistence, but he still shakes his head nonetheless. "No, ___. You don't have to spend anything on me. I really am happy to just do anything for you."

You groan in surrender, knowing that a guy like Jungkook is almost impossible to convince otherwise. Rather, it's your turn to grab his arm and lead him to somewhere you like.

"If you're happy to do anything for me, then at least get a coffee with me! I won't mind paying for you, I swear."

"I'm sorry if your day turned out to be quite unexpected," he says.

You quietly sip on your hot latte as you appreciate the view outside the window. Fortunately enough, Jungkook didn't turn down your request to eat at a café with him, albeit he insisted on paying for your orders instead. However, your stubborn self paid for the two of you at the end of your minute-long bicker in front of the barista. Aside from it being out of gratitude, you simply don't want others assuming that you're merely a parasite for his wealth. You humiliated yourself more than enough today.

And thus, you find you and your fling casually conversing over dessert and coffee as if God has replaced the douchebag that was supposed to be with you right now.

You glance over at Jungkook who's also enjoying his meal, staring at him for a fleeting moment before a smile unconsciously spreads on your lips. For once, you're thrilled to see him again after the series of events you had with him during your class reunion. You've done your best to avoid him for months on end, having no such intentions on being further associated with him. Although you do appreciate the kind efforts he's shown you on what you thought was about to be a terrible day, you can't deny that you still have some lingering doubt for him in the pit of your chest.

With that, you finally respond to Jungkook who's been silently staring at you the entire time, "It's okay."

"I forgot to mention that you look beautiful today."

His words only add on to your already flustered state, the way he treats you makes your head giddy as you can sense your heart violently thumping against your chest.

"Thank you," is the only response you can muster up.

He doesn't fail to notice your behavior, chuckling softly for he's pleased that his presence alone still has its effect on you.

"Were you supposed to go out with someone?" he assumes.

A bitter pang hits you at the thought of his question. You scrunch up your face in disappointment before whining. "How did you know?"

He shrugs. "I doubt you wouldn't have a reason to go out looking so pretty like that."

You grumble, although his praises do soothe your mood. You huff, "I had to wait for almost an hour for him only to receive a call saying that he's sick." You pause for a moment before continuing. "He didn't even sound sick when he called!"

Jungkook frowns after finally finding out the reason behind your apparent stress earlier. He couldn't exactly place why you were moping around in the open, but once you confirmed his speculations, something in him snapped.

"Did you like him?" he inquires.

Your ears perk up from his precipitance. You answer him nevertheless, "Well, I did initially plan on asking him out, so I guess so." You shrug.

With that, his eyes darken at your statement, nodding quietly before humming. "I see."

Everything falls silent from then on. The atmosphere between you turned awkward faster than you expected. You nervously sip from your cup although your latte has long been finished, merely finding an excuse to avoid the fierce glare Jungkook is sending your way.

A minute of silence with him is the equivalent of a decade for you. If his staring wasn't enough to already have you squirming around in your seat, then it's the unwanted question you've been dreading to hear from him.

"Why did you just leave after last night?"

And that's where you begin to lose it.

Deep down, you're terribly intimidated at how Jungkook managed to quickly switch up the ambience, but the last thing you wanted was for him to see you waver. You speak, attempting your best to seem unruffled to his eyes.

"I thought last night was only supposed to be a one night stand between us."

All that Jungkook responded with was a heavy sigh, sinking himself further in his seat as he rubs his temple from the pent-up frustration.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you that I had to throw my phone away because I was so mad, ___..." he hisses, "I was so mad that I didn't get your number in time and possibly get to know you better."

You freeze in your spot after hearing his words, shock is written all over your face when you find out what Jungkook has been up to for the past few months you ghosted him, but you don't speak of anything in return, intending to hear the entirety of his story before you make any comments.

At your silence, he took it as a sign to continue rambling. "You wouldn't get out of my head after that night, ___. Day and night, all I can remember is you and your pretty little face," he chuckles bitterly, "I even tried looking your name up but I couldn't find you."

Your eyes lock with his. "I fucking missed you, angel..."

Shock remains all over your body. However, the bubbling doubt in your chest along with the trust issues spurring in your brain are coming into play. You feel like your entire system is crashing down from his mere words and it's definitely messing with you.

"I don't believe you," you protest.

Jungkook smirks mischievously from your response before casually spreading his legs wider on the plush seat. He carefully observes your reactions, and he knows you can't resist him starting at this point.

"Oh trust me, sweetheart. If I still had my phone, I'd call every girl I know and tell them goodbye."

The old pet name he calls you tugs at the strings in your heart, his choice of words having you completely melt right in front of him then and there. He smiles in triumph, acknowledging that you've gone all putty in his hands.

"Believe me when I say that you're the only one I've been thinking about, sweetheart," he sneers, "because I still remember that night when I was splitting you in half with my cock."

You almost cough out loud from his crude statement, his lewdness certainly passing some heat down your core which inevitably causes you to uncomfortably rub your thighs together to relieve the tingling sensation that's fluttering within you.

He immediately sees you squirming underneath the table, his grin growing into that of a Cheshire cat from the tension circulating between you.

How in the world did you get here?

You keep writhing in your seat, all the while trying your best to remain discreet from the public. If someone ever hears the nasty phrases Jungkook is mouthing at you, you're absolutely done for.

Of course, Jungkook chooses to be a menace rather than keeping himself shut to save at least a portion of your dignity. But no, vulgar words fall from those cunning lips like a train, intending to have you soaking your underwear to the brim.

"I bet you always think about how good I made you cum with just my tongue, angel," he snickers, voice turning an octave lower before exhaling deeply. "Your pussy probably tastes sweeter than last time, yeah?"

Just a few filthy words from him are enough to have your center yearning for him to touch you, feel you. You squeeze your thighs more, your arousal becoming unbearable to the point where you resort on slowly grinding yourself against the chair for the sake of relieving the aching sensation between your legs.

Jungkook silently watches you in amusement, fiddling with the cold metal of his lip piercing before darting his tongue out to slowly swipe on his bottom lip

"You have no clue how fucking crazy I am for you, ___," he lowly whispers, "I'll make sure to fuck you better than last time so you won't leave me again."

And that single phrase eventually does it for you. You quickly bury your head against the table in an attempt to cover up the muffled whimper that escapes your quivering lips. However, your minimal efforts are put in vain when you see a few customers spinning their heads toward you. A dark blush creeps its way onto your face after knowing that you've caught some attention to yourself, and his eyes stay on you like a hawk, the mortifying situation you've placed yourself in certainly providing him an excellent source of entertainment.

The more you try to get off on your own, the tighter Jungkook's pants become. His cock straining uncomfortably against his boxers eventually made him have enough of the smutty show you're putting on for him. With that, he hastily jumps from his seat and yanks your hand along with him. "Let's go," he firmly says, taking long strides out of the café before his bulge can even appear more prominent for others.

It doesn't take long for the two of you to arrive in his car. He swiftly unlocks it as he makes a beeline towards the backseat with you being dragged right behind him. You yelp in surprise when he pushes you inside with no thought, immediately hovering above you to seal your mouths together in what seems like the hungriest kiss you had in your life. He kisses you like a man deprived for decades: greedy, rough, never-ending.

You moan from the way his calloused hands would explore every inch of your body as if he's trying to imprint the image of you in his brain until it leaves a scar on him for eternity.

He pulls himself deeper when your lips part open, slithering his tongue inside your mouth which causes him to hum in delight. He doesn't think of pulling away from you once, though the need to breathe is slowly becoming a struggle for him. If there's anything Jungkook intends right now, it's to savor every moment with you before he reaches his high.

However, it doesn't take long for him to free himself from you, panting wildly as the two of you try to chase your breaths from your intense make-out, lips swollen, and your makeup partially ruined.

He stares at you with full-blown eyes, and you can definitely say the same for yourself. You drink in each other's beauty for what seems like forever, memorizing each perfection and flaw on one's face before you're locking eyes with him once again.

He completely breaks away from you, maneuvering himself to the driver's seat to start up the engine. You sit up in confusion, staring at him through the rear-view mirror, and you see his reflection sending you a smug smile.

"Let's go home, sweetheart," he murmurs, "'M gonna fuck and love you the entire day..."

You shiver at the thought of going home with Jungkook out of all people, but what sends goosebumps rising all over your skin is the fact that everything that has happened up until now was serendipitous. Your day has taken a detour to where you're met with someone you want to deny from your existence.

However, you can't help but let your body need him as much as he needs you.

The two of you struggle to navigate yourselves toward his bedroom, sloppily kissing each other within the long corridors of his penthouse for several minutes before you feel yourself being pushed against the soft material of his mattress. He swiftly discards his dress shirt, finally displaying the well-sculpted figure that's hidden behind the layer of fabric. A myriad of intricate patterns of his full-sleeve tattoo, the burly muscles around his arms, his slim waist—everything about him snatches your breath away in one second. You've already seen Jungkook's body once, but seeing the heavenly figure standing above you in all his glory makes it feel like your first time again. To your dismay, however, your silent worshipping is ephemeral when Jungkook impatiently hovers over your body, hands slithering to your back to unzip your dress off.

You sit up, pulling the straps off your shoulders until your outfit softly thuds against the hard floor. Jungkook quietly groans when your breasts immediately appear upon taking off your dress, a large hand cupping one of them on first instinct.

"Fuck, you weren't wearing a bra?" He husks, toying with your hardening bud with his thumb. You moan breathily as your eyes turn heavy, already feeling sensitive from his bare touch. "The dress already had pads in it," you whimper

Jungkook paid no heed to your response, however, diving himself down the crevices of your neck where your skin gains contact with his lips. You sigh from complete bliss, sensing every lick, suck, and bite he places on your bruised neck. He scatters evidence of himself from your jaw to your chest, a range of light to dark hickeys covering your once clean skin.

"Mine," he murmurs as his hands explore every inch of your skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. With each dart of his tongue on one particular spot you love, the more your underwear dampened, and oh — was he extremely pleased when his fingers brushed against your panty-clad center.

"God, you're so wet, sweetheart..." he hums, your arousal feeding onto his growing ego as well as his erection. He draws slow, tantalizing circles around your clit, eliciting a small whimper from you. "Tell me, sweetheart. Who made you this wet, huh?"

"Y-You did," you moan, impatiently bucking your hips against his hand to add more pressure on your nub. He notices your behavior, thus pressing his digits harder agin your center, letting a yelp fall past your lips.

He leans down next to your ear where you can hear him breathing heavily, placing a soft kiss on your temple: a stark contrast to the way his fingers are roughly handling your cunt. "Say my name, angel. Wanna hear how good I'm making you feel."

The hot whisper he sends directly into your ear is enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head. You obey him, unable to resist the rapture he's giving you.

"Jungkook," you cry out, and that absolutely does it for Jungkook. The way your voice is filled with vulnerability merely adds on to his urge of ruining you in a multitude of ways he can think of.

Sitting up, he completely retracts his fingers from your sopping panties. You whine from the loss of his warmth, but your excitement instantly returns when he briskly peels them off your legs, now being completely exposed to him.

He grips the back of your thighs, spreading you open. You can practically see him lusting to devour your nether regions by then, but you stop him.

"W-Wait." Your hands fly down to his soft locks just for the sake of not having him face-plant himself on your center right away. He looks up at you with a concerned look, his demeanor doing a 180° flip when he sees you hesitating.

"Why? What's wrong, ___?"

Your heart almost jumps out when he softly addresses your name, showing you that he genuinely cares for your well-being. As much as you want to have Jungkook lap on your heat like it's his last feast, there's always been one asset of his that your starving pussy has been craving for.

"Wanna grind on your abs."

The request is almost inaudible, but he fully registers it. He stares deeply into your irises that you swear you could see his eyes turning a shade darker than before. He inhales slowly, finally pulling away from your parted legs to lay on his back as you gladly straddle him, your dripping cunt directly above his chiseled abdomen. He firmly holds your hips, gently guiding you down until the gap between your center and his skin is non-existent.

And oh, did the sensation hit differently.

You can feel every dip, curve, and ridge of his beautifully sculpted muscles upon contact, causing you to spill your essence upon Jungkook's honeydew skin.

He prompts you to move by grinding your hips back and forth. You didn't hold back the wanton noises escaping you, letting him appreciate your euphoric state as you shamelessly grind down on his perfect body.

You can see from the way he's hissing that he's clearly enjoying it as well, his gaze being solely trained on your heat leaving a trail of your arousal on his abs, biting his lip tightly as he goads you to pick up your pace.

Every time your sensitive clit nudges the hard pec of his abs, every time you feel Jungkook slyly flexing his muscles beneath you, and every time he further sinks your hips down to feel him better has you reeling for him. Everything about the man below you is driving you to the edge of being definitely crazy for him, your brain gradually fogging up to a cloudy state of lust.

"Such a slutty little pussy I have here..." he moans, sliding a tattooed hand up your body to fondle with your breasts. He plays with your erect buds, pinching and twisting them to how he pleases as his other hand never stopped its job from egging you to your upcoming orgasm. "So wet... it's all for me, yeah?"

You hastily bob your head up and down, for you're at a complete loss of words when you sense the bubbling knot in your stomach about to break loose any moment.

Jungkook finds no satisfaction in your response, though. He abruptly slaps your mounds to regain your attention. You gasp loudly from the painful impact, but your body seems to say otherwise when your pussy leaks more of your sticky essence onto his abs. "Words, baby. I can't hear you."

"Yes! Yes, 's all for you..!" you slur, having lost the ability to speak a single coherent word at this point. The only word you want to chant is Jungkook's name like a broken record.

And you're merely humping his abs like a pathetic animal in heat.

"Good girl," he purrs, placing his thumb on the top of your clit to rub figures of eights. You're sent into a frenzy from the subtle action, your orgasm reaching closer to its bay with each second passing.

"C-Cumming," you sob, your thighs twitching violently as your pace begins to falter, using what little energy you have left to bring you to the finish line of your climax.

"Yeah? Gonna be my good slut and cum all over my abs?"

His profane words aid your impending orgasm. Your voice becoming high-pitched, your chest rapidly heaving up and down as you hear the lewd squelching noises your cunt makes.

You reach a point where your entire body is stuttering, obscene noises continuously spilling from your lips like a waterfall. The hard ridges of Jungkook's abs are certainly bringing you to an intense high, but what ends you is his sweet voice putting you in a daze with his words.

Jungkook chuckles darkly with each sensitive reaction your body makes, "Go on and make a mess all over me, sweetheart."

And you did. Your mouth hangs wide open, but nothing is uttered from you. Your juices gush out from your center, flowing to your inner thighs and onto his abdomen. Your walls clench around thin air as you slowly ride out your high. Your small whimpers eventually come to a halt, and nothing can be heard in the room aside from the squelch of your cunt and your heavy panting.

He gently raises your hips up, eyes glazing over the sticky mess you've just created on his abdomen. Two fingers dip down to wipe away your essence from his skin, and before you know it, his fingers are right in front of your lips.

"Open." You did as told, welcoming your taste within your mouth. You greedily swirl your tongue around as you would with his cock, cleaning up what little mess that's left on him.

He pulls out with a string of saliva connecting him to your lips, groaning quietly after seeing his glistening digits.

"Fuck," he breathes out, "I have to taste you, sweetheart." He swiftly manhandles your frail body, hovering himself over you again as he parts your thighs. He eyes you like a man starved for days, and you're his prey that was caught in his trap.

Without warning, he licks a fat stripe of his tongue on your sensitive folds, earning a shriek from you. He moans against your sopping center, the vibrations making your entire body fall limp as you give up from prying his head away. Noting your weak state, Jungkook forms a sinister smile and proceeds to ruin you with his tongue, determined to put you on the brink of another orgasm.

"You taste so fucking good," he whines, his mouth loudly slurping up all of your leaking juices. "You gonna be a good girl and cum for me again?"

"Ngh... s-sensitive," you groan from the overstimulation, thighs threatening to close around Jungkook's head, but he holds you in place. He sucks on your clit like a madman, your legs quivering profusely as you feel yourself rapidly approaching another climax.

You don't realize the tears that are dribbling down your cheeks, your senses going into overdrive from the overwhelming bliss. It only takes one last suckle from Jungkook's lips to have you breaking down again. You see stars in your vision when your high crashes down on you like a tidal wave, your essence surging out your throbbing folds as he successfully catches everything on his tongue, leaving no traces of your orgasm behind. Your hands grip his hair, using the remaining energy in you to push him away. Thankfully, he complies, sitting on his knees to appreciate the mess he's created. Your hair has turned into a bird's nest, your makeup smothered all over your face, and your pussy is glistening from your slick all because of him.

Jungkook whines, the tent in his pants growing painfully unbearable. "Need to be inside you right now," he mutters before manhandling you on all fours. You shudder upon facing the mirror in front of you, finally witnessing for the first time how much Jungkook has destroyed you, and he's yet to sink his throbbing cock inside you.

Hearing a soft thud on the floor, you gasp softly when you feel his leaking tip poking your entrance. He bends down until your back meets his chest. His eyes lock with yours through the mirror, placing a soft kiss on your temple before ghosting his lips over your ear. "Eyes on the mirror when I fuck you, sweetheart," he whispers without ever breaking the intimidating gaze he has on you.

With that, he slowly enters you, your warm walls fluttering around his thick girth as you let out a long moan from his intrusion.

He hasn't even completely bottomed out, and your eyes are already giving in on the verge of closing themselves. He spots you from the large mirror, causing him to bundle the roots of your hair to force your head up. "Keep your eyes on the fucking mirror, baby," he groans, "watch me fuck you."

You finally feel him bottom out, mewling wantonly when his tip nudges your sweet spot. The burning sensation of your walls accommodating his girth brings tears in your eyes, for you sense every vein and inch of him rubbing against your warm folds.

Groaning, he slowly draws his length out until the mere tip remains inside you. The wind from your lungs is quickly knocked off when he roughly slams back in, pulling another gasp from your lips.

The thought of you taking Jungkook raw drives him insane. Feeling your tight walls squeeze his cock bare is something akin to heaven, and he can't help but let all hell break loose on you.

He doesn't give you any time to adjust, for he's already setting a ruthless pace on you. Your knuckles turn white from how you tightly claw the sheets beneath you, and for every second you watch Jungkook, the more your cunt becomes greedier for him.

The way his muscles flex with each languid thrust of his hips has you unconsciously clenching around his cock, a series of lewd noises tumbling out your mouth as if you're a broken toy.

If anything, you're his toy.

"Pussy so fucking good," he moans, landing a hard spank on your ass. "Your slutty little cunt is made for my cock, yeah?"

You roll your eyes from his possessive treatment, the way he filthily talks to you only adds on to your arousal as you nod in affirmation.

He simpers at your reflection, already knowing that you've become dumb on his cock from how you kept unknowingly drooling from the side of your mouth.

"Yeah? My little whore loves taking my cock so much, huh?" He continues, his cock drilling in and out of your leaking hole. "Bet you've never been fucked this good before," he snickers.

"Ngh, Jungkook!" You cry from how hard he's pounding into you, the mixed sensation of pain and pleasure pricking tears from your eyes. If it wasn't for the strong grip he has around the roots of your hair, your upper body would've gone purely limp by now.

It doesn't take long for you to eventually end up like Jungkook intended you to be: a broken mess. Any other rational thought from you had long been thrown out the window, for the only word you know left is his name. You chant his name in a mantra, panting wildly as you whimper louder with each thrust.

Nothing can be more perfect for Jungkook aside from the sight below him. He stares in awe whenever he pulls out to see his cock wrapped around in your slick, and hearing the obscene noises he's drawing from you is a symphony to his ears.

But most importantly, seeing how you react to even the littlest of his touch makes his heart skip a beat.

For Jungkook, you look the most beautiful when you're with him.

"You look so pretty taking my cock, sweetheart," he rasps, voicing out his thoughts. For a second, your eyes lock with his through the mirror, and you can feel your heart pounding wildly the moment you gaze through his dark eyes clouded with lust.

Your body begins to tremble when you feel yourself exploding for the third time. He feels your walls tensing sporadically around his girth, coaxing him to pound you harder—if that was even possible. You see stars in your vision every time his leaking tip kisses your spongy spot as more of your arousal trickles down your thighs.

"Jungkook," you mewl weakly, "'M g-gonna cum..!"

"I know, sweetheart." He licks his lips, making you release a tiny whimper. "You gonna milk all over my cock, hmm? Your pussy's such a fucking whore for me, angel."

The deep laugh that vibrates from his chest is what triggers you to cling onto his cock tightly and coat him in your orgasm. You wail loudly from the intense high, your upper body finally falling down on the bed. Jungkook gasps from how hard you squeezed him. His cock twitches madly inside you, and he hastily pulls out from your drenched hole to put you in another position.

You yelp when he places you on your back, his large hands groping the back of your thighs as he easily slides his cock back inside you.

Your moans quickly become high-pitched, for he gave you no time to recover from your climax. Jungkook watches in awe how you appear oh-so ethereal in his eyes—all weak and vulnerable underneath him.

He grunts with every push of his cock inside you, sensing his high that's about to burst any minute.

Leaning down, Jungkook seals your lips together in another heated kiss, muffling the sinful noises that are falling off your tongue.

It doesn't take long for him to pull away. You feel his forearms sinking down on the mattress as a few strands of his hair dangle against your face. However, despite being unable to completely see him, you can still see his eyes boring holes into your soul.

"And to think you could've gone out with another man," he spits, tone rather harsh before quickening his pace. "Tell me, sweetheart," he pants, "do you think he can fuck you as good as I can?"

You're taken aback by his abrupt question, but you mindlessly respond nonetheless, for your brain has absolutely gone to mush from how good his cock rubs against your velvety walls.

"No! Y-You're better!"

"Yeah? Am I the best fuck you ever had?"

"Yes..! Oh my fucking god!"

"Glad you know, angel," he chuckles, his tattooed hand suddenly flying down to rub fast circles on your sore clit, "because there won't be another dick out there that's half as good as mine."

"Jungkook, I can't," you sob, "t-too much..!"

He snarls, "Oh, you will, angel. I know my pretty girl can do it." His thrusts turn inconsistently sloppy as you feel his cock twitching uncontrollably inside your warmth.

"G-Gonna cum," you faintly whimper, your hands frantically ruffle the sheets, for you're at a loss on what to grip.

"Tell me you're mine," Jungkook pants, placing his forehead against yours, increasing the level of intimacy between you.

Your breath hitches from the proximity. You search for his eyes, and they glow a different appearance: desperation. He searches for yours as well, and your heart freezes momentarily from the passion burning in his irises. You sense him approaching the tip of his high, but he doesn't give in just yet. He needs to hear you confirm his words before everything else, refusing to relish the wrack of pleasure until you provide him the answer he yearns for.

"Tell me you're mine first and I'll let you cum," he swiftly says in one breath, grasping his fingers underneath your chin to graze his lips against yours. You become tongue-tied for a moment, your emotions being tangled up into a messy ball.

But the way he whimpers, oh, so weakly against you has your knees buckling; along with the way his cock is ramming up your cervix creates a cluster of hysteria blocking your rationale.

The only thing you're begging for at the moment is that sweet orgasm Jungkook is about to serve you. Thus, it's no doubt that you'd do anything he says for you for the sake of your breaking point.

You breathe heavily against his lips, your eyes closing in on the tremendous euphoria. "I'm yours."

"One more, baby. I wanna hear you."

"Fuck!" You whimper, his cock showing no signs of remorse on your sensitive g-spot. "I'm yours! Only yours!"

"Atta, girl..." he croons at you, snaking a hand around your neck to restrict the air flowing in your lungs. "This is my pussy, yeah? You're my slut. My good, pretty little whore, hmm? You're mine, sweetheart. I fucking love everything about you that I wanna keep you forever — shit..!"

His speech falters, a high-pitched whine falling off those pretty lips as he hastily pulls out of your throbbing cunt, stroking himself languidly before he releases his load all over your body. Spurts of white cover your abdomen to your leaking cunt. He lets out a guttural groan from the intense orgasm, milking out the last of his remains before collapsing next to you, utterly spent and exhausted. His tattooed arm reaches for the bedside table, pulling on one of the drawers to grab a towelette.

Jungkook props himself up on one elbow as he gently pats down the areas that are covered with his sticky essence. "You did so well for me, sweetheart," he chuckles breathily while cleaning you up.

You, on the other hand, are at a loss for words. Perhaps it's because your voice became worn out from the numerous orgasms he pulled out of you.

Or was it because of the dangerous attachment Jungkook was showing for you?

Whatever it was, you decided to remain silent the entire time, listening in on yours and Jungkook's tranquil breathing combined, chests rising and falling in perfect synchronization as you appreciate the afterglow of a temporary escapade.

Once he's done cleaning you up, he throws the filthy cloth into a nearby bin and pulls the covers over your bare bodies. "Uhm, ___...." he's also the first one to break the silence, looking at you hesitantly while nibbling on his piercing.

You turn your head to him curiously, which is enough for him to know that he has your attention again.

He sighs softly before continuing. "Listen... ever since last time, I really couldn't stop thinking about you. The fact that you left without a word seriously drove me crazy, and all I wanted to do was to have you in my arms again."

Quirking an eyebrow, you gaze at him with widened eyes. You're about to part your lips to say something in response, but he quickly cuts you off.

"I wasn't myself for the past few months, and I know that it was extremely stupid, but I couldn't help it, ___. I genuinely like you. Even if we only encountered each other for a short time, I really wish to ask you out. You don't know how happy I was when I saw you earlier today. I sincerely want to get to know you better, ___, and perhaps take you out more often..."

His confession alone is enough to have your thoughts turn into a messy, tangled ball of threads. Your throat dries as you stare at him with a baffled appearance. Hesitantly, you slowly nod your head at him, unsure of how to process everything at the moment.

However, Jungkook can read you like an open book. He isn't anywhere convinced of your slow response, rather demanding an affirmative answer from your mouth.

"Words, sweetheart. I need words."

Sadness looms in your eyes because of what seems like sincerity in his. If you're honestly speaking, there's nothing stopping you from giving the fine man in front of you a chance and letting him treat you like the queen you are, laying out a red carpet on the ground you walk on as he gives you ecstasy from morning to midnight.

Oh, how unfortunate that your thoughts didn't correlate with your words.

"I'm sorry, Jungkook," you mumble quietly, "I don't think I want to."

Jungkook's expression falls from your answer. "What..?"

You purse your lips nervously. You chose to reject him, but why are you feeling different?

"Is it because I'm always out with other people?" he asks, a frown forming on his lips. "The last person I've been with was you, ___. I told you I wasn't myself after last night between us. You were all that was running through my mind from then until now." You can see the desperate look in his eyes pleading for your approval, but all that comes from you is a shaky sigh as you look away from him.

"I'm sorry. We really can't."

"___, think about it," he frantically says, eyes following you when you abruptly sit up to search for your clothes.

"That's my answer, Jungkook," you reply as you hastily put on each piece of clothing one by one. "I reject your offer."

Before he can utter another word, you quickly fix your appearance as if nothing has ever happened between the two of you.

"___, wait." Jungkook chases for your arm, reaching out to grab it, but you're like water: always running away, never able to touch. You make a beeline towards the exit of his bedroom without ever turning back. You're as scared to leave as much as you are to be with him. You still choose the former, though, storming out the door without another word. Because you're a coward, unable to live on that fast lane with Jungkook.

He lays there defeated, clueless on how to get over the flame you lit up in his heart.

In the end, you left Jungkook smoking out the window as a bitter reminder of your rejection, wondering to himself on how you could do this to him.

After last night, you were the match who lit Jungkook on fire. After this night, you were the wind that blew his burning heart away into ashes.

[barcaatthemoon]

a thousand miles || kyra cooney-cross x reader ||

kyra comforts you when the distance begins to feel like too much.

your heart ached the longer you were left to sit and think about the fact that you were all alone. those feelings of sadness festered inside of you, like they had been since you left london. both you and kyra had gone there for arsenal, but they hadn't resigned you. viv had been lucky in going to manchester, but you found yourself stranded across the pond playing in the nwsl.

you had comfort in jen being there, but you missed kyra. she truly was your better half in your mind. the two of you were menaces to the rest of the team, but here in california, none of your old antics were half as fun. jen was worried about you, but nobody had the slightest clue about how to help you.

"kyra, baby, are you busy?" you don't think that you had ever heard yourself sound so small and timid before. it was pitch black outside, and kyra wouldn't have been able to see a thing if it wasn't for the little lamp on your bedside table. on the other side of the screen, you saw kyra at the arsenal facilities.

"(y/n), are you okay?" the usual jovial tone that you were used to with kyra was gone. all of that had been quickly replaced by concern as she took in the state of you. there was no doubt in your mind that you looked like a hopelessly sad version of yourself.

"i hate it over here. it's always nights like this that i feel the loneliest, and they keep happening. i miss you. i want to come back to be with you," you cried. kyra stood up and walked away, most likely for some real privacy. you could see a couple of girls in the background, a few of whom looked like they wanted to say hi but decided against it when they saw how kyra was moving to be alone with you.

"aw baby, i'm sorry. i know that it's hard, and i miss you too, but it'll be okay. just talk to me for a little, okay? i'll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep," kyra said. you felt bad about pulling her away from whatever she was doing, but you also knew that kyra wouldn't let you go back to wallowing by yourself. if anything, she'd call jen to come and stay with you for a few days.

"we aren't really doing well as a team, which sucks. i miss playing with everybody back at arsenal. my teammates here are great, but it's not the same thing. last week, i had to leave dinner early because i was about to start crying. everything is different, and i'm so scared that i won't find somewhere to makes me happy like i was," you admitted. kyra wasn't sure how to help you, but she was determined to try. this was a good first step, everything needed to be out in the open.

kyra knew that you'd bottle it up otherwise. that had always been your worst trait. you let things sit and fester until you broke down completely. the weight of the world didn't have to rest on your shoulders, that was what kyra had taught you. both of you had matured so much being together, and a part of her was afraid that you'd regress on your own.

"i know that you don't want to feel like you're bothering anybody, but talk to me when you feel like this. talk to your teammates, form bonds like we did at arsenal. well, not like ours specifically, but like how we made friends with everybody else." kyra could feel herself start to ramble a little. she noticed you smile a little as you caught it as well. "is your light keeping you up?"

"kind of," you admitted. kyra didn't even have to tell you to turn it off and set your phone on your pillow next to your head. kyra could hear your breathing slow down a bit, but she knew that you weren't asleep yet. "can i tell you something kind of lame?"

"i don't think anything you say is lame."

"you're the only one who has me letting my walls down. i feel so safe when i'm with you, kyra. i wish that i would have just went down a league instead of moving all the way over here. there's too much distance between us, and i miss you so much that it hurts," you told her. kyra cleared her throat as she felt a lump begin to form. she didn't want you to leave, but she couldn't be the reason that you sacrificed your career.

"i think that you did the right thing leaving. it was good for you, and when we get to visit each other, everything will be that much more special," kyra reasoned. it was hard to find a reason not to be upset or resentful, and kyra was proud of herself for figuring it out. things would be easier, you just needed to trust the process to get there.

[thescarletnargacuga]

What about the @sm-baby 's Carnival! au? Maybe a fic of non-sentient Pomni being flirty with Caine and then Bubble apearing to anoy them lmao. Would be great if we can a carnival au showtime :D

A/N: I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous to do this one, but I'll give it my best 👉👈

FLIRTATION FRUSTRATION

CARNIVAL AU CREDIT: @sm-baby

See Mushy's non-sentient Pomni art HERE!

WARNING: suggestive themes, non-sentient Pomni, trapped sentience

~~~

"Wait, wha- what's going on?? Oh no! No! No! No!"

Pomni struggled against her own programming. The overpowering AI shut her consciousness away behind her own eyes. She could see, hear and feel everything happening around her, but Caine couldn't hear her. Not the real her.

"Oh, Player~" Pomni strutted over to Caine confidently, his back to her.

"Yes, dear, what is iiiiiiiiit?" Caine drew out his last word because Pomni traced a finger down the side of his jaw to his chin, holding it with her thumb and forefinger. She was standing way too close. "Uh....what are you doing?" He was already sweating.

"Trying out for the worst AI Olympics, WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE???"

"I found your performance today simply spectacular. You should be rewarded....by me." Pomni leaned closer.

Caine backed up, but she followed him all the way to the wall. He pressed himself against it as if trying to phase through it to get away from her. "Uuuuuuh...Pomni, I don't think now is the best time for this."

"No [%$!#], Sherlock."

"There's always time for rewarding. Especially when I get to give it to someone like you." Pomni pressed her chest against Caine's, reaching up to fiddle with the wind-up key on the side of his head.

"WHAT-! NO! PLEASE! I'M SORRY, CAINE!!" Sentient Pomni screamed with embarrassment.

Caine's hands trembled as he gripped the wall behind him, sweat poured from his heated face. Having her against him felt so good, but...he was panicking. "You don't want me, I'm not-"

"Oh, but I do. You're so handsome and strong and kind to me...you're my dream come true. Do you know what I would like to be true?"

Caine swallowed hard. Her pressing against him was making him feel things he wasn't used to handling. His whole body felt hot. He was afraid to ask. "...what?"

"Oh, god..." Sentient Pomni covered her face in shame, bracing for what was coming.

"That you would hold me close at night after making my bells jingle for hours." Pomni's eyes gazed into his with dark lust.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Caine's eyes were so wide, they could burst. The way she phrased it got her words around the censor, but they were pretty on the nose. "Pomni, please, I-...uh, um-"

"You don't have to beg, Player..." Pomni leaned in just within an inch of his teeth. "I'll gladly show you all of my tricks. I'll keep you entertained all night long."

"HUH??? I DON'T HAVE ANY TRICKS! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

Caine could feel her whispered words. His heart was going mad in his chest. "Pomni, as lovely and as wonderful as you are... I think that, uh you maybe might be...not in the right state of mind?"

"FINALLY! SO YOU CAN TAKE A HINT! THAT'S! NOT! ME!"

"Aw, you think I'm lovely? That's so sweet of you to say. How could I resist someone with such a way with words?" Pomni closed her eyes and kissed Caine.

"WH-!?" Sentient Pomni couldn't form words. She could feel the kiss. It was gentle, despite how aggressively the AI was after Caine.

Caine went still as a statue, his eyes wide open. The kiss just kept going. A lot of him didn't want it to stop. Slowly, his eyes closed. The only part he managed to relax.

Sentient Pomni felt her own digital heart hammering. Kissing him felt so good. Her heart wanted this but her mind struggled to handle it. "You don't want me...you can't want me..."

Pomni's world went black, then she realized it was because her eyes were shut. She opened them. She was in control again. She jumped back away from Caine. "AAAH! I'M SO SO SO SORRY!!"

Caine hit his head against the wall in surprise when Pomni snapped out of whatever just happened. He rubbed his head and stepped away from the wall. "It- it's okay! Really! I didn't mind- uh, well, that is to say that- uh..." He nervously fidgeted with his hands. "I kind of....liked....you kissing me." He avoided her gaze.

Pomni was shaking. "What..?"

"I MEAN- I wish that maybe you told me that's what you wanted to do instead of just doing it, I'm not good with reading people, but nevertheless, I...liked it." Shame bubbled up inside of him. Maybe he shouldn't say that? Was he doing this wrong? He couldn't sit still.

Pomni blinked as she processed what he said. "You...want me to kiss you?"

"ONLY IF YOU WANT TO!!" He was panicking. "Maybe- we just forget the whole thing, yeah? I said too much!" He held his teeth shut, his face burning with the darkest of blush.

Pomni gently took his hands away from his face. Her own were still shaking. "Hey, um...I liked it, too." She quietly admitted.

Caine's teeth opened a little. "Really?"

"Yeah..."

They made soft eye contact. Butterflies filled both of them. Caine's hands interlaced fingers with Pomni's. "Maybe...we could...again?" He carefully asked.

Pomni stood on her toes a little to lean up to Caine. He met her for a proper kiss. A wonderful soft warmth spread through them. They barely moved, letting the contact alone feel special. This was for them, no interference-

Bubble popped in out of nowhere. "Hey, boss! I detected your heart rate and came as fast as I could! Are you alright??"

Caine and Pomni jumped apart. "NO! Er- yes, Bubble! I'm fine! Thank you!" Caine held his hands behind his back. Pomni avoided looking at Bubble altogether.

Bubble looked from Caine to Pomni and back. "Ohhhhhh, I see. Sorry for interrupting." Bubble vanished.

Pomni hid her face in her hands. "Does the shame ever end!?!?"

Caine hid behind his teeth. "Dear, you are asking the wrong person."

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you could write Kieran x gender neutral reader. Maybe they were friends when younger, and they met again after the indigo disk plot. But now the reader went from shy with long hair to extroverted with a more goth punk style and short hair. They go to Blueberry Academy with friends, and Kieran is kinda jealous of them, like MC, for it being so easy for them to make friends. So they have a sit down and talk it out with maybe a bit of romance sprinkled in.

I hope this isn't too long!! I really love your writing.

Aw thank you! This is fine and I decided to give Reader a Toxtricity as their partner Pokémon

..........

"Uwaaahh...uhuuuhuuh.."

"H-Hey, um...are you okay?"

Sniffling, the young boy looked up from his knees to see you standing over him, concerned. He tried wiping away his tears, but they just kept coming as he recalled some rather mean words spoken to him.

"I'm..f-fine.." He lied, clutching the broken pieces of his ogre mask.

"Are you sure? Because you're sitting all alone here, away from the festival with a broken mask.." You quietly pointed out, frowning.

"...the..jerks over there did it." He finally admitted, his gaze going to the fenced area where some kids were hanging around. "I-I thought they were my friends...and then they called me stupid for likin' the Ogre from those stories..."

"What? They sound like real bullies."

"A-All I said was that....I didn't think it was a bad guy..and then they...they told me they didn't wanna be my friend anymore...a-and now...I-I don't have ANY friends!! WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Although you were startled by his bawling, you couldn't help but feel bad for him. Leaving him alone certainly wasn't an option, so you sat down beside him, noticing the small Sentret that was trying to comfort him.

"There, there.." You awkwardly patted his back, feeling your face growing warm. Hopefully this wasn't too weird and you were actually helping this poor guy. "I don't have any friends, either. But I can be yours...i-if you'd like."

With a small hiccup, Kieran looked at you, his golden eyes large and full of tears. "Y-You wanna be my friend?" He sniffled. "Even though I like the "bad guy" of those stories?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that." You nodded softly, offering him a tiny smile. "I can relate to the Ogre, too. How lonely it must feel up there in the mountains..and um...how it just wants to be accepted."

He smiled back a little, although he was still depressed over the current state of his mask as he kept staring at it.

"Could I...buy you a new one of those? And a candy apple if you're hungry?"

Blinking, he gazed back up at you, stunned by your generosity. "Y-You don't have to do that.."

"But I want to. I just got my allowance so..I don't mind it." You shrugged, before you heard a familiar cry and looked to see your Toxel hobbling away from the festival grounds...

With candy razz berries on a stick.

"Oh no! Tox.." You bemoaned, huffing as the little baby Pokémon innocently waddled into your arms. "You can't wander off like that..a-and you certainly can't be stealing! You know we gotta pay for this, right?"

"Taahaa.." They cooed, already munching on the sweet treat.

"....fine..I'll let this slide because you're a cutie."

"Is that..a Toxel?"

"...o-oh!" Embarrassed, you turned back to Kieran and showed him Toxel. "Yes..sorry. This is my partner. We've been training a lot lately..but...as you can see, they've got ways to go. Haha.."

"You've done Pokémon battles? Wowzers.." He gazed at it in awe.

"Yeah..have you?" You asked.

".....no. I-I don't know anything about them. They're cool to watch but..I don't think I'll ever be strong enough to fight one myself.." He sighed, petting Sentret on the head. "I'm scared of Sentret getting hurt..e-especially by those..rude people."

At this revelation, your shoulders slumped. "Look....I get it, but if they see that you're afraid to battle, then...they'll just keep pushing you around."

"I know. I-I don't wanna be afraid anymore. But...my grandparents think I'm too young to be a trainer, a-and my sister thinks I'm too weak to even try...so I don't see a point..."

"..my own family doubted me, too." You remarked. "It was hard for Toxel and I, but..we had to go against their wishes. We had to become strong enough to stand up to our bullies..and we did. Now they fear the day this little sweetie grows up into a strong Toxtricity."

With a small coo, Toxel giggled and nuzzled your cheek with their forehead so they didn't accidentally shock you. "Taaaaataaa.."

"Yep." You giggled, before glancing back at Kieran, who looked extremely inspired by your words. "Maybe your Sentret will become a strong Furret someday, too. But...you'll have to train it first."

"And..wh-where do I start, if I may ask?" His voice became even quieter than yours.

"How about after the festival? You and I can have a practice battle."

He blinked. "..l-like tonight? With you?"

"Sure...if you're not busy, of course-"

"Oh no, I-I can definitely do that tonight!"

"Great! We'll just..go over the basics, that's all." You hopped to your feet as Toxel climbed onto your shoulder, and you offered your hand to the boy. "Also I'm sorry for not introducing myself. I'm [y/n]."

"Kieran." He had a shaky smile on his own face as he took your hand, letting you pull him up. "Th-Thanks for cheering me up...I think I'm ready to go back into the hall."

"Alright." With a small chuckle, you tied up your long hair before donning your mask, taking his broken one.

"C'mon, Kieran. First stop is the sweets shop...which candy apple do you like?"

.

.

.

.

"....and in Galar, Toxtricity had the power to Gigantamax. And they could turn into this awesome creature with a HUGE radio tower on their back. Oh, and they attack with a guitar made out of electricity!"

"Oh my Arceus!"

"That is sick!"

"We NEED to take a trip to Galar next year."

"Bro, maybe Piers can give you some more fashion tips. Because the punk is rocking."

"Thanks, haha..maybe I will."

As Kieran walked through the doors to the League Club, he heard the laughter and chatter of a group of people who were gathered at the table. Seeing new faces always caught him off-guard, considering how he somewhat left the organization in shambles..

He wasn't expecting so many to join, let alone scrap together enough BP to change the room's layout and usher in new additions--like that itemizer machine..

But it seems the rest of the Elite Four, plus Florian/Juliana, managed to rebuild the foundation and keep it alive. And even he thought this was for the best, as his burdens as both champion and leader were finally lifted from his shoulders.

While he hated that Paldean for "dethroning" him at first...he was actually relieved.

Now he was spending his time trying to make amends with everybody, feeling ashamed for the way he acted towards them--especially to the club members he took his anger out on. He kicked out one guy all because he couldn't meet his impossible standards.

Kieran did make sure he was back in the club..but even so, it took a while for that kid to forgive him.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. Some people were still going to be bitter over what he did.

Fortunately, he can now enter the club room without feeling like everyone was staring at him, nor could he sense the heavy tension from the Elite Four as he walked past them. They just greeted him like an old friend before going back to their discussions.

When he was about to introduce himself to your group, however, he froze up the moment your eyes met his own...

At first, he was bewildered by the gothic-punk attire you've managed to incorporate into your uniform, complete with spiky bands and makeup. He's never seen any other student here test the waters of the dress code like you did.

Yet that wasn't what shocked him, but rather...the person underneath all of that.

You looked awfully familiar...

Where has he seen you before?

Funny enough, you were asking yourself that same question as you stared back up at this guy, trying to figure out why he was giving you such an odd look.

At first it seemed judgy.

But then you saw those familiar golden eyes, the black hair with purple highlights....you only ever knew one person with those characteristics.

"No way..Kieran?"

"....[y/n]?" He murmured, stunned. "You..remember me?"

"It took me a second, but wow...it really is you!" You chuckled, leaning back in your chair. "I haven't seen you in years, dude! And I know what you're gonna say...yes, I know I look like a Team Yell member. But I just like the fashion back in Spikemuth. It stuck with me."

"Wowzers...you went to Galar...?"

"Oh yeah. Went there to study and ended up staying a bit longer than I meant to...but it was great." Smiling, you rubbed the top of your head. "I got myself a nice trim while there. It was a much-needed change. Speaking of which....I don't think I've ever seen you with your hair up." You raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah..it was..getting in the way." Kieran brushed back his bangs, still reeling from the shock of seeing his childhood friend here at his school after all these years.

Not to mention how you presented yourself as this confident and boisterous person. Were you really that same shy long-haired friend he knew back in Kitakami?

"[Y/n], you know this guy?"

You both glanced back at your friend group, and you nodded. "Yep. He's an old friend from the Land of Kitakami. Honest to Arceus I had no idea he attended this school..but then again I literally just enrolled today. Either way, it's a nice surprise. Glad to see you again, Ki."

"Same." He nodded, although there seemed to be a certain sadness in his eyes as he stared at the people surrounding you, shoulders slumped. "Anyways, uh...I wanted to welcome you all to the club. I-I'll be back later. Bye, [y/n]."

With a nervous swallow, he quickly turned tail and left the clubroom, while your friends wondered why he looked at them all that way...

You believed you already knew the reason..

But when you saw their confused gazed, you just smiled and shrugged. "Don't worry about him, he's shy."

"Shy? But that guy used to be this school's champion!"

"...no way, really?" Your eyes widened, resting your arms on the tablr as you leaned towards one of your friends. "Tell me more."

.........

At the end of the day, the club was ready to close up shop. Everybody else had left except for you and Toxtricity.

You volunteered to stay late, picking up the messes your friends left behind, such as the opened snacks and sodas (some of them being from Drayton, of course). Amarys did promise you some BP for all your hardwork and willingness to accept responsibility, so that was motivation enough.

Despite the way you look, you weren't always some rebellious punk.

Just as you have both finished and were about to lock the door..you noticed Kieran approaching from down the hall, and he looked rather serious.

Finally, this was your chance to talk to him.

"Oh hey, Ki."

"Hey, [y/n]..is it just you here?" His gaze went past yours, eyes darting around the empty room.

"Nobody but me and Tox." You gestured to Toxtricity, who nodded and smiled, strumming the organs on their chest.

"I see they're all grown up, too." He remarked, sounding a bit more relaxed after realizing nobody else was around.

"That reminds me..how's your Sentret doing?"

"He's a Furret now. And he's doing just fine...but not on my main team, anymore. He's more like...an emotional support Pokémon, I guess?"

"Fair enough." You chuckled as you wrapped an arm around your companion's shoulders. "I learned there was more to Pokémon than just battling. They can be your best buddy, too."

"Right.." Kieran nodded, his smile fading.

You frowned a little. "Listen..I know this is kinda awkward. We haven't spoken in years, and I still feel bad for moving out of Kitakami without-"

"No, it's not that...I'm happy to see you again. I just.." He sighed, looking down at the floor. "You said..today was your first day here, right?"

"Yeah."

"I can't believe you've already made so many friends. It must feel nice.."

You were confused at his rather sour tone of voice, although you were anticipating this sort of confrontation, recalling how often he struggled to make and keep friends--besides you, of course.

But even now, it seems those insecurities never left him.

"D-Did I say that out loud?" Suddenly he tensed up, appearing a little scared. "I'm sorry, you can ignore me. I'm...tired. I-It's been a long day, so I'm just gonna-"

"Wait, Kieran."

Before he could turn around and leave, you took ahold of his arm, and he looked back at you with shock. "They didn't replace you if that's what you're worried about."

"...it's not that, either."

"Then...what is it?"

"You'll think it's stupid...." He mumbled, shaking his head.

"It's not stupid if it's clearly bothering you. Look, let's just..sit down and talk about it, okay? I'm not here to judge."

He blinked at your proposal, but eventually decided to sit at the table with you. Toxtricity crouched down next to your chair so you could pet them on the head.

It took a few moments for Kieran to start talking, yet with your silent encouragement...he finally spoke up.

"How do you make it look so...easy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...you have all these friends now while I..." His voice trailed off, fists clenched on the table as he tried to keep himself calm. "..I-I can't name a single one other than you and Florian/Juliana. You'd think becoming champion and club president would make me super popular. But the truth is that it only made me feel more isolated. So how did you do it? How did you become so confident? Is there a secret or some code word I never knew about?"

"There's...no secret, Ki." You responded, your heart sinking. "Friendships just sorta..happen. Like ours did that day those jerks made fun of you at the festival of masks. I guess it was just....up to fate."

"...well I wish fate gave me the same luck as you." He bitterly muttered under his breath.

"Luck? No. That's...look, I'm not popular, and I'd never wanna be. Those people are my only friends here aside from you." You huffed. "I know I've changed since we last saw each other...but I'm still that same kid from before-"

"I barely recognized you, [y/n]." He bluntly pointed out. "We grew up together in the same place...but you went to Galar, changed your whole looks, and made so many friends here on your first day. Then there's me, who...h-hasn't really changed at all." His shoulders became slumped. "I've done things I'm ashamed of, and I'm trying to fix them, but I just feel...stuck. Like I'm never gonna move on from being that whiny little kid from Kitakami who keeps wishing he was somebody else.."

Your gaze softened a little, finally understanding his perspective. "Well..I personally don't see that anymore. I see you're trying to change for the better, and that's great. You should be proud of that."

Kieran blinked as your hand came to rest over his own, his heart skipping a beat. Yet he kept his focus on you and your comforting smile, despite finding it difficult to see the truth in your words.

He could feel that self-doubt festering inside him again.

"But..y-you don't know what I-"

"People here told me such awesome things about you, and I almost couldn't believe them."

He stared at you. "What? Really?"

"Yeah, dude! You never told me how your team uses a competitive setup with Rain Dance on the first turn...or how your Applin is all grown up into a Hydrapple. Hell, I didn't even know that was an existing evolution until today, so you taught me something new-"

However, you stopped rambling upon hearing a small sniffle coming from your friend. You then saw his lips trembling as he tried pushing back tears with his sleeve.

Internally you began to panic. "Ki? What's wrong?"

"I-I'm sorry. It's just....everybody here talks about my Pokémon and battle tactics all the time, but never about me." He whimpered. "I-I want people to like me for....me, you know?"

You nodded sympathetically, gently squeezing his hand. Guilt swelled in your heart as you never realized how lonely he must've felt since you left...and right now you probably made him feel ten times worse.

"You really are a great guy, though. Anyone would be lucky to get to know the real you."

"........."

Now you were a bit stumped on what to say next, as he was staring at the table now, sniffling like a little kid. And you began wracking your brain for any possible way you could cheer him up.

Then an idea sprung into your mind.

You were going to save it for a later occasion, but...now seemed to be the right time.

Even Toxtricity agreed with you, as they nudged your arm with a low growl, wishing you'd finally fess up and let him know how you truly felt about him.

Your heart was beating fast, but you pushed away the nerves and momentarily let go of his hand to retrieve a pokeball from your bag. He seemed too caught-up in his own thoughts to notice, still wiping away his tears.

"But y'know what could be better than having friends?"

With watery eyes, Kieran managed to look at you straight on. "What?"

You didn't say a word, instead turning his hand over and placing a love ball into his palm. He looked at you with confusion, before gasping as the device suddenly opened on its own to reveal....

A Shiny Applin.

"Wowzers.." He gawked. "So this is what their shinies look like??"

"Yep. Straight from Galar."

"The love ball is an interesting choice.." He remarked, watching as the Applin jumped onto the table and gazed at him. "But..while I appreciate the gift, I-I....don't really see how owning a shiny is gonna help-"

"Oh, so he doesn't know, Tox..." You whispered to your companion, who simply snickered back.

"Tahaahaa.."

"....know what?" Kieran's eyebrows furrowed as he noticed the smirks you and Toxtricity were exchanging, growing more and more confused and concerned. "Can someone explain?"

"In Galar, people give Applins to each other as a romantic gesture." You stated bluntly, feeling your face burn up....but you prayed he would finally get the hint.

It took him about five seconds, his jaw dropping. "What??? Y-You.....really see me that way?" His heart began racing all over again. "Why me, though?"

"I like you for you, Ki. And that's all there is to it." You leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, watching as his eyes went wide and his blush worsened. "Hm, I guess that shy little cutie is still in there after all."

"C'mon..stop that.." Huffing, he shrunk back into his jacket in a vain attempt to hide his flusteredness. "I-I do like you, too."

"I'm glad, and I promise..I'm sticking around for a long, long time." You looked to Toxtricity, who strummed a small riff on their chest. "I owe Tox one for finding that love ball for me. I was gonna save it for some fairy type, but...I think I found a better use for it."

All Kieran could do was smile and nod, taking your hands into his own. While he was still too flushed to properly speak, he was nowhere near as sad as he was before your confession.

You were right.

This was a LOT better than having friends.

Because now he had you.

While both of your looks and personalities have definitely changed, the love and care you had for each other never did.

[dracosdarlingg]

Slytherin boys reaction to your detention with professor Umbridge

Warnings for slight torture description

Professor Umbridge made it clear that you had to raise your hand before you spoke in her class, and you kept forgetting (but only because most of your other professors didn’t care whether you raised your hand or not) after her 4th time reminding you she decided that detention is what you needed. Once it was time she asked you to write lines that stated I must raise my hand before I speak in class over 100 times with her special quill…

Draco

You couldn't get out of that classroom fast enough, the pain and humiliation you felt (for crying in front of a professor, who wasn't even sympathetic either, just claimed you deserved it!) was too overwhelming. Draco already knew something was wrong, he could always tell when you're not yourself. "What happened love?" he carefully asked. You, being too afraid of bursting into tears if you tried to speak even though silent tears rolled down your face anyway, showed Draco your hand. "Fucking Umbridge, I'm going to kill her!" Draco was so mad that she did this to you, and all he wished to do was make her pay. "Draco, please, it hurts and I'm tired" you sighed, feeling defeated. "aw love, c'mere" Draco held his arms out for you to crush into.

Mattheo

The both of you had landed yourselves in detention, Mattheo landed himself cleaning the boys lavatory as he was caught smoking by professor Flitwick. You on the other hand landed yourself in detention with the school's most feared professor. Mattheo finished first and when he walked back to the common room he was shocked to not find you there. So he decided to wait outside of the dada classroom, you walked out 10 minutes later cradling your hand and trying your best not to cry. "Why are you holding your hand like that darling?" he mused, clearly confirming that he's never had detention with Umbridge before. "My hand hurts is all, should be fine by tomorrow" you tried to brush it off but Mattheo was having none of that, he grabbed your hand and was seething. He wanted to give Umbridge a piece of his mind but you told him not to as it would only land him in trouble too. He instead opted for watching the fire and having cuddles.

Blaise

You didn't want Blaise to know, it was just a silly little wound that would heal up by tomorrow anyway. Putting some gloves on just incase he saw your hand before walking to dinner. "Why are you wearing gloves baby? it's so hot in here" Blaise claimed, a confused look on his face. Fuck, maybe this wasn't a good plan. "Oh really, I'm quite cold" you lied as best as you could, but Blaise wasn't buying it, and neither did Theodore as he chimed in too also wondering why you were wearing gloves. "Show me your hands" Blaise bluntly asked, even more concerned. "Just eat Blaise" "show me your hands now!" you sighed, you could no longer avoid it. Taking off the gloves, you showed Blaise who gasped. "Baby, why didn't you show me earlier!" he brought you into his arms, and you silently cried being suddenly so overcome with emotion. "I'll talk to Snape tomorrow."

Theodore

You rushed out of the classroom the second Umbridge said you could, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. Theodore was chatting with his friends by the fire when you basically ran into his arms sobbing. "Oh love, whats the matter?" he soothingly ran one of his hands through your hair, his friends held a concerned look. "Dude, look at her hand" Draco urged, pointing to it. So thats what Theodore did, anger flashed across his face when doing so. "Did Umbridge do this to you?" he asked once you managed to calm down. "She said I deserved it, but all I did was forget to raise my hand!" you were getting angry yourself. "No one deserves to be tortured love, please don't let her words get to you" His friends kindly left, letting you have your privacy as he cuddled you and thought of ways to fix the situation.

Lorenzo

It was late at night, mostly everyone had gone to bed, everyone except for Lorenzo. He knew you had detention and he wanted to wait up for you, unfortunately he fell asleep in front of the fire. Lorenzo awoke to the sounds of quiet sniffling, you had returned and Immediately sought comfort in your boyfriends arms. "What happened baby? can you look at me?" he cupped your face in his hands, frowning as small tears fell down your face. "Umbridge asked me to write lines..." you whispered, not trusting your voice. Lorenzo didn't need to hear anymore, the anger evident on his face. "I'm getting that bitch fired tomorrow. well technically I'll ask Snape too" this made you chuckle, and snuggle further into him, falling asleep while the burnt amber dies down.

Tom

You didn't want Tom to know, being the loose canon that he was you were unsure of Umbridges wellbeing if Tom knew. By loose canon you meant Tom would kill for you, and he has killed for you. You tried your best hide your hands, but Tom wasn't an idiot. "You had detention with Umbridge" he stated, in a rare moment when he allowed you to cuddle, figuring that it was ease you in your current state. "How?" you asked, kinda dumbfounded he already knew. "I've already had her fired, so she can't do this to you ever again" Tom explained, and you smiled. "Aw, I'd thought you may have killed her" "Oh trust me I want to, but then I would be away from the only person who makes life tolerable." "me?" "if you make me say it I won't hesitate to hex you."

[eleni-cherie]

a thief's origin✨ || bts • kth - chapter 0.5

"you're afraid I won't wait." "I'm afraid you will."

a criminal and a doctor should be as different as the sun and the moon - but unexpected things happened every day. like him finding his safe haven in her.

© 2024 | eleni_cherie

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masterlist: here

— genre: thief au, gangster comedy, adventure, romcom, humour, angst, fluff, sexual tensiON, slowburn, mutual pining, strangers to friends to lovers s2f2l

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. CHARACTERS NOT NECESSARILY LIKE THE REAL PERSONS. ALSO VERY UNREALISTIC PLOT LOL - JUST PRETEND READING A MANGA/COMIC OR WATCHING A FILM, REALLY.

SUGGESTIVE THEMES. MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE & BLOOD (BUT NOTHING TOO GRAPHIC, IT'S STILL A COMEDY!)

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19th October

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Taehyung watched Jimin return to their hide-out with evident disappointment settled across his face. Another indicator being the deep sigh which followed right as he closed the door behind himself.

He perked a suspicious eyebrow at Jimin, exchanging a glance with Yoongi then who was sitting across from him and sharpening his sword. "What happened?"

Jimin plopped next to him, sulking deeply. "Guess Bella won't help us out."

"I'll pretend being shocked," Yoongi snickered under his breath, only earning an annoyed glance from the younger one before he fell back into sulking.

Taehyung only rolled his eyes out of Jimin's sight and cleared his throat then. Trying to set the right tone to cover the fact he wholeheartedly agreed with Yoongi's sarcastic stance.

Why would Arabella Valentine help them out if it didn't benefit her?

That wasn't her style.

"Did she say why?"

"Yeah.." Jimin shifted in his seat, running his fingers through his light brown hair, "She prefers going after a rich heir in Cyprus." Mild jealously flickered through his features and Taehyung could tell but chose not to mention.

"Seriously, why are you so whipped for this woman?" he eventually wondered out, "She's manipulative and you can't trust her. I don't get it."

"Plus, she's screwed us over countless times.." Yoongi added with a mumble. Both now looking at him expectedly.

Pursing his plum lips, the thief in question fumbled with his fingers for the right words. "Well, first of all sh-"

"Don't you dare say 'she's hot'," Taehyung quickly countered, shooting him a serious glare to which Jimin only chuckled bashfully.

"Well, she is, but that isn't the main reason.." 

The anew sigh leaving his lips filled with awe and admiration this time, gaze wandering out the window into the sunlit capital of Argentina. A dreamy look on his eyes with possible hearts if he was a cartoon character, Taehyung was sure.

"You guys wouldn't get it.. I like that she's so sneaky and always keeps me on my toes. She's dangerous and mesmerising. She's.. she's simply one of a kind," he eventually settled.

And perhaps they really didn't get it because all they were able to see in her was a competitor, another thief who might occasionally help them out. But only for a price - which was usually betraying them with all the loot.

"It's kinda cute though. He's the literal definition of fool in love," Yoongi plainly stated then, trying keeping a straight face although they could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. His tease pulling Jimin out of his little daydream.

"Anyway," the master thief said then, dismissing his older friend's comment, "That means we need someone else to get us in there."

"We don't know any other female professionals though."

"At least, not personally."

All three fell into deep thoughts.

This wasn't good. They needed a woman to pull off this coup. Only women were invited to the embassandor's gala as it was specifically to celebrate female achievements. It was their only chance to get in the embassy.

- Well, not the only one, but surely the easiest one. Two would sneak in as staff members and the third one had to be among the guests. To keep an eye on the embassandor and the ball hall while the other two were breaking into the office room. And to be one of the guests he'd need to be the cavalier of a lady.

"The party's in a week, we need to come up with something. We're running out of time."

"Why did you only ask her now, if we knew beforehand-"

"I was sure Bella would be in.."

The oldest one shrugged, putting his katana aside. "Maybe we should just cancel it and instead go for a different coup."

At this, Jimin shot Yoongi an irritated glare before laughing out. "You're giving up too easily! I'm sure we'll fi-" Pausing himself mid-sentence, he faced Taehyung then who gulped at the mischieviously wide grin on his lips. "Say, what about your doctor fri-"

Before he could even complete, Taehyung already cut him off with a harsh glare. "No, forget it."

Jimin whined. "Why?"

Dumbfounded at the new level of idiocy his best friend had reached, the gunman exhaled with a huff. "Are you seriously asking? She's a civilist. I'm not getting her involved in this and besides, I doubt she even got time."

"How do you know, you haven't asked her?"

"She's an assistant physician in her second year, she's just working non-stop."

"Then a reason more for her to get out of the daily grid!" Jimin exclaimed, thrilled about his brilliant idea, "And didn't you say she's always curious about our work and finds it exciting? Yes, just imagine how thankful she'd be!"

Taehyung, however, was less and less inclined to the nonsense idea of getting Cassandra involved in this. He always tried his best to keep their friendship seperated from the rest of his life - or at least as seperate as possible. And he grew frustrated with Jimin's irrational enthusiasm.

"You can't be serious, this is way too dangerous for an outsider. What if something goes wrong?"

"Taehyung's right," Yoongi, who had been silently listening to their argument, eventually intervened, "She's completely unexperienced. We can't effort it."

"Guys, you're such naysayers!" Jimin groaned then, throwing his hands dramatically in the air, "This coup we'll be like walking into a candyshop, nice and easy. She won't need to do anything but look pretty and mingle with the other guests. That's it. She won't be anywhere near the action where we -" His finger wiggled between himself and Yoongi. "- would be."

"Wait, you and Yoongi are breaking in?"

He smirked. "Of course, since she's your friend you're gonna be her escort."

Taehyung became pale, all colour drained from his face. He and Cassandra in fancy attire in the middle of a ballroom? The thought making him swallow with an irrational flush colourings his cheeks.

"I mean.. putting it like this.." Yoongi mused with a small smile, earning a side-eye from Taehyung.

"You're seriously changing your mind on me now?"

The swordsman shrugged, sliding his katana back into its shealth as he had finished the sharpening, being content with his work. "I didn't think about the fact that she'd indeed not be directly involved in the heist. Her only role would be to get the third one - you - inside. That's it."

"Unbelievable," Taehyung dragged out a breath, shaking his head. 

He didn't like admitting it, but they had a point. Still a pretty dumb point, in his opinion, but nevertheless, a point. If they wanted to go through with the plan, the young physician was their only option in the moment. At least until he could come up with a better one. And he would try his best to do so.

"You guys really mean it, huh?"

"Look, Tae, I get it," Jimin said then, grabbing his shoulder with a sympathetic smile, "It's not like I'm keen about getting an outsider involved either, but she's our only option right now. And I wouldn't suggest it if I believed she could get in actual danger. You know me, I'd never endanger anyone on purpose. Especially not a pretty woman."

Of course Taehyung knew that. He knew Jimin for half of his life by now, he knew he wasn't reckless or mindless towards others. Only towards himself. And his look of appeal made Taehyung eventually sigh in defeat, nodding.

"Maybe she won't agree anyway," Yoongi argued then with raised brows. Partially in an attempt to calm Taehyung's mind. "What then?"

But Taehyung could only laugh out dryly at this. Already knowing her answer.

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21st October

Barcelona, Spain

Cassandra's eyes widened while alternating between Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung, the latter one standing in the background with crossed arms and an annoyed scowl.

"Me?" She pointed at herself, still processing and not believing their surreal proposal.

When she had left the hospital after an early shift, the only thing she'd expected to find at home was her left-over food and the rest of a tv show which had been left in the middle - wishing her hospital life would've been just half as entertaining as in the show.

She hadn't expected, however, to find Taehyung and his friends waiting for her in front of her entrance door.

Now thinking about it, considering they were thieves and could break into anything they wanted, it was quite nice of them respecting her enough not to break into her apartment and instead wait outside.

"Cassandra, Cas," Jimin sighed in pity ploy, engulfing her hands in both of his. Taehyung only rolling his eyes in the back at the sight of his friend working his usual charms. "We wouldn't ask you if we weren't desperate. I swear, we wouldn't let you get in any danger. You just need to enter from the main entrance, have a good time at the gala and then leave again from the main entrance. That's all."

She blinked again, feeling her heart-beat picking up in excitement.

Was she even allowed to get excited? Shouldn't she be panicked and call them crazy?

She should, but for some insane reason she wasn't. She was indeed considering this.

"Just for the record, I was against this idea," Taehyung barked in, "Seriously, feel free to say no."

"Don't influence her!" Jimin's head snapped back. Making Taehyung scoff and look away again.

Cassandra took a moment to think about it. Although she was certain her answer was already set, she still tried staying objective and weighing out all factors.

"If I do it.. you'll keep me safe, right?" She timidly peeked up, seeing a smile spreading on Jimin's features.

"Of course! Well, not me directly.." His head returning to Taehyung with a smirk, "But Taehyunghie will. Considering he's unrivaled with his gun and good in combat, you'll be in good hands."

She smiled, knowing all that very well.

Her brown irises wandering to her friend who was about to protest again, but instead folded his lips when meeting her warm stare.

He already knew her answer anyway. That was why he was so against it in the first place. She might've not been naive enough to mistake her films for reality, but the way Jimin set it, it sounded exciting and risk free. Besides, she was someone who always helped others and only a blind person wouldn't see how much in need they were of her right now. Jimin had practically thrown himself to her feet after all. 

So he sighed, giving her an affirming nod. "I'll protect you, Cas."

She smiled gently. "I know."

If she didn't trust Taehyung, she wouldn't have even considered it.

Content with his sincere answer, she faced Jimin again. "I'll do it."

"Great!" he cheered and jumped onto his feet, pulling her with him before engulfing her into a tight hug. Making Cassandra laugh out as she hugged him back startled.

They must've been indeed quite desperate, she concluded.

"Y-you said it's next friday though. And where?"

"In Budepast at the French embassy," Yoongi, who hadn't tried persuading nor hindering her from participating, but instead had stayed pretty neutral next to Taehyung, said.

He'd been taking a look around her apartment instead. Small eyes growing round when seeing the film posters Taehyung had mentioned to them.

"You can travel around Europe freely, right?"

She hummed in affirmation.

She had always wanted to see Budapest anyway so that wouldn't be an inconvenience. However, she recalled her schedule.

"I'll need to pull in some favours and switch shifts then.."

Taehyung instantly straightened at this. "If that'll be a problem, we're gonna look for someo-"

"No, no, I'll do it. Don't worry," she giggled, seeing him shut his mouth and going back to sulking.

In all honestly, she felt quite flattered by his concerns. But she trusted their word that it wouldn't get dangerous for her. 

And a fancy gala at an embassy? Who would say no to that? It'd be the first time she ever attended something like this. 

Her smile dropped at this realisation. Now, this was actually concerning.

"It's gonna be so fancy.. " she mumbled. Chewing on her lips.

She didn't have any fancy clothes. Of course not, why would she? She had a few good clothes for special occasions and celebrations, but in no way would they be enough for an embassador's gala. She'd need to buy something, but did she even have money for a suitable dress for such an event?

She started mildly hyperventilating.

"Hey, hey, don't worry. Just wear a nice dress. It doesn't have to be some expensive designer piece, no one will tell," Jimin ensured her, patting her shoulder with a cheerful smile, "It's not the Milan fashion show. The people at the gala won't be able to tell the difference."

"Okay," she nodded when another question popped up in her mind. "But how will I even be allowed to enter? I don't have an invitation after all.."

At this the three thieves only exchanged a glance before their lips tucked into cheeky grins.

"Please, that's a piece of cake. Don't let that trouble you." Jimin winked.

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26th October

Budapest, Hungary

It was 8 o'clock on the dot when Cassandra stepped out of the elevator that evening. It'd been awhile since she'd spent a night at a hotel and it felt odd.

The only good thing was that it was a rather small vintage one, meaning no cameras inside and not many guests as she made her way out of the old but well-preserved building. The reception at the foyer was currently empty, facilitating her departure. And she remembered to turn her face away from the camera at the entrace. Just like the guys' had instructed her. It was one out of only two, the other one being at the back entrance that led to the backyard.

Even if it wasn't their main intention to save her from embarrassment when choosing that hotel for her - the practical reasons being it not having much security and its suitable location - it saved her from nosey people wondering where she was heading to in such a fancy look. She had already felt insure enough, not being used to wearing anything but scrubs or normal clothes. She didn't need employees or guests' talking while walking around in a floor-long dress, heaving the fabric with her fists not to step onto it.

Cassandra knew there was no going back now that she had already exited the building. And she wondered if Taehyung would be there as settled.

The last contact had been back in Barcelona, when they'd given her location and pick-up time, keeping the risk of leaving traces as small as possible.

For all people knew, she was a mere tourist. Which she was, in a way. At least she'd passed the past two days by wandering around the city to all the touristy spots, making the most out of her trip there and acting unsuspicious.

Much to her relief she spotted Taehyung waiting at the end of the street. He was leaned against a black limousine with tinted windows, not having noticed her yet as he was too preoccupied with texting the others on a burner phone to see the startled expression on Cassandra's made-up eyes. 

His dark brown hair was combed back with the side parted, except for a rebellish curl that was falling on his forehead while he was hunching. The black tuxedo he wore perfectly underlining his tall and sturdy stature. Its suit jacket left unbuttoned and hanging losely over the black dress shirt he was wearing underneath it, adorned by an equally pitch-black neck tie.

Describing his appearance as 'handsome' felt like the understatement of the year. She needed a stronger word than that to express her exact thoughts in that moment. 

Of course she always thought of him as a good-looking guy with an enchanting smile, from the very first glance she'd laid on him. She wasn't blind after all. However, seeing him in such a fancy attire for the first time left her breathless. Just like that very night many years ago when their eyes had met for the first time. 

Usually she only saw him in casual fits. Loose shirts, wide trousers or big hoodies. Like a normal guy. However, she'd use anything but 'normal' for him right now.

Taehyung looked like straight out of a runway or no - a film! A spy movie!

Like a real-life James Bond.

And that realisation made a hot rush run through Cassandra's veins.

She inhaled sharply, about to move when his head perked up as if he had heard her screaming thoughts and their irises met. Both staring at each other, perplexed.

His lips parted, unintentionally allowing his eyes to wander over her dress all the way down and then up again.

Cassandra was standing there, a vision in dark vibrant green. Embroidered leaves and flowers covering her torso, flowing from her waist sporadically down the tulle fabric. Glistening faintly under the streetlamps, like an emerald. Contrasting her silky-shining coppery curls cascading over her shoulders.

First he hadn't been sure if it was really her or a mythological forest nymph, having lost her way to the magic world and instead found her way there to him.

But soon he realised that it was indeed Cassandra. And that he was holding his breath.

"Hey, cool guy," she eventually breathed out. Interrupting their little staring contest.

He swallowed, forcing his lips to move into a casual smile. "Hey, Doc."

With uncertain steps, she walked up to him and he pushed himself off the car. Holding the passenger door open for her.

"You.. you look.." He was flustered, to say the least. His mind on overdrive as he tried not to turn awkward, but he feared he was doing just that by stuttering and blushing. She looked even more stunning from up-close. Finally, he managed clearing his throat. "You might get a cold."

With a small laugh, she looked away and folded her arms in front of her décoleté. It was warm enough during the day, but now that the sun was setting, a coolish breeze was indeed picking up which the thin straps of her dress surely wouldn't shield her from. Especially not as her back was completely open, aside from the straps crossing and forming a bow on its lower half - which had taken her a solid ten minutes to tie on her own.

Taehyung catching that detail as well, looking away shyly. And Cassandra's insecurity only grew, misinterpreting his behaviour. 

She started seriously regretting all her choices in this moment. Back then she'd thought that if this was her only chance to wear a beautiful long dress, then so be it!.

- Why didn't she go for a simplier dress? Preferably in an ordinary colour like black or creme with long sleeves and maybe even a turtleneck, if dresses with turtlenecks even existed.

She feared making a fool of herself again.

"Uhm, no it's okay. I'll survive, don't worry. I didn't have anything suitable to wear on top and didn't want to show up in a random jacket.." she mumbled. About to enter the car when she felt something being slid over her shoulders, causing her to still. And she saw his suit jacket laying on them.

Her lips parted, her cheeks chrimson red by now. She held the collar together with one hand.

"Thank you," she quietly said, seeing him only offering her a quick nod before they bothed entered the parked limousine.

The French embassy was in the city centre, close to Danube's bank. An upmarket part with lots of cultural sights. Meaning the traffic would keep them from arriving there fast.

They remained silent for most of the drive, both unusually tense. Only stealing glances at the other when thinking they wouldn't notice.

"We can still turn back. I can return you to the hotel," Taehyung offered, glancing at her hopefully before redirecting his focus onto the road in front of them.

They were almost there, he could already spot the long line of expensive vehicles lining up to enter or depose guests.

"Again, don't feel obligated. You don't have to do this. I'll find another way to get in."

The young woman shook her head though, the grip she had onto his blazer to keep it from sliding off, tightening.

"No, I'm okay." And she was. Slightly nervous, yes, but also incredibly excited. "And besides, I got my lucky charm."

His brows knitted at her, seeing a toothy grin on her features and a small teddy bear dangling from her fingers next to it.

"Isn't it cute?"

He couldn't help but chuckle. Somehow he wasn't surprised she was  into superstition or at least lucky charms. And her beaming face was  adorable.

"Very cute actually."

"I know it's ridiculous," she sighed then with a coy smile as she looked down to the teddy bear in her folded hands, "And I don't really believe in superstition. But I figured, it wouldn't harm."

Shaking his head, he tugged at the golden necklace underneath his collar. "What do you think this is?"

Her eyes widened. "So it's also your lucky charm?"

He shrugged. "So far I always had luck, so it could be this. I always wear it after all." He tucked it back in as memories surged his mind. He tilted his head at her with a smirk then. "So it must bring me some luck. Don't you think?"

Cassandra smiled at him with a fond look, knowing how much it meant to him. And it was nice catching a new glimpse of his life from behind the curtains of his usual secrecy. She enjoyed collecting all those pieces of random information about him.

"By the way," she said then, stuffing the small stuffed animal back into her purse, "I got your postcard a few days ago. The one from New Delhi."

"Huh, you only got it now?" he huffed with a raised brow, "I was there a month ago."

"Well, it's quite far away, on the other side of the globe.. Was it fun there?"

"Curious as always.." He grinned, amusement in his eyes as he peeked at her. "But yeah, it was. Also far too warm though."

Cassandra giggled at his whining, remembering he didn't do well in temperatures over 25°C. Would explain why he was walking around with a thin coat in winter.

"Maybe next time don't do a heist in a hot subcontinent."

"It wasn't a heist," he plainly stated. Knowing far too well that would only intrigue her more. And indeed, she leaned over with curious eyes. Her eye make-up intenser now for the gala than her usual one, making her doe eyes appearing even bigger than usual. "No? What else did you do there?"

He simply shrugged with a cocky smirk, remaining quiet which he knew would drive her mad.

"Don't be so annonying," she groaned and puffed her cheeks in a childish manner, "You mentioned it, now you gotta tell me."

"Oh, do I?"

"Of course."

"Let's say we were on a little treasure hunt."

Her eyes grew even rounder. "Treasure hunt? Like Indiana Jones or something?"

"Or something."

And he bit back a laugh when hearing her scofd.

Taehyung entered an side-street behind the embassy then, deciding it'd be better to park there for an easier escape later.

He unbuckled his seatbelt then and got out. Walking around to help her out of the car by offering her his angled arm, which Cassandra gladly accepted by hooking hers around his elbow. Making their way towards the embassy.

Another uncommon thing for her, stilettos. She usually didn't wear anything that was higher than two centimetres and even then it was usually boots or sneakers. She just hoped her walk wasn't as wobbly as her legs felt in that moment.

It only now really downed to her that this was really happening and anxiety made a surprise appearance after all.

"Remember what I told you? About the cameras?"

She nodded at his question, recalling his and the guys' little prep talk. She'd taken notes. "One left at the gate, two left in the courtyard, one right at the entrance and one over the staircase. And another two in the ballroom, at the side of the stage."

His lips tucked into a lopsided smile. He was impressed. "Good girl."

The praise caused Cassandra's lips to press together, feeling her cheecks blushing along. She never knew words of affirmation could've such an affect on her. 

However, she also felt quite proud of herself. She'd done her best to memorise everything after all, not wanting to screw it up.

She had to turn her head away from them in case something went wrong and Jimin wasn't able to loop the security footage. It was a worst case scenario, but they had to be prepared for everything. And Taehyung surely didn't want risking her getting recognised on any footage.

Turning a corner, the embassy's aristocratic building came into full focus then. It was in a long row building which covered the whole block. Tall, rounded glass windows on the ground level, above them a terrace on the first level. The entrace was two tall rounded gates adorned with ornatements of metal. Between the two gates, a plaque that said 'Francia Köztársaság Nagykövetsége'.

- Overall, it looked indeed like a building where only the french would have their embassy in.

Taehyung pressed his in-ear monitor then to activate it. "Guys, we're about to enter."

"Cameras all set," Jimin answered from inside the building, "Have fun!" And Taehyung could hear the smirk in his friend's voice. Mumbling a quick 'thanks' before turning to Cassandra, catching her staring at the building with the line of well-dressed important people behind security guards.

Her steps slowed until she caused them both to stop, Taehyung giving her a questioning glance. "Just say the word and I'm driving you back," he whispered as he covered her hand that was wrapped around his arm. Giving her a soothing smile, only earning a wary one from her.

"I.. I just feel a little silly in this outfit, you know? I'm not used to anything but my normal clothes and.. I'm afraid I'm not fitting in. People might already be staring at me." She was looking around as paranoia briefly took over her while they passed by the iron gates. Perhaps she was only searching for excuses.

Her words made him frown as he also looked around, not noticing anyone looking funny at her. And he should, if it was the case, he was trained in observing people.

"Cas, calm down. You don't look out of place at all, you look.." His voice suddenly got caught in his throat as she her glance returned to him, looking expectantly at him. And the way the streetlights gleamed in her chestnut-coloured eyes made his mind blank out for a moment. He stuttered. "You look.. fitting."

Cassandra arched a brow at him, cocking her head. "Fitting?" She giggled, dumbfounded. It was so random, it genuinely distracted her from her worries. "Thanks, I take that." 

She took out the invitation and the fake ID Jimin had sent her way then. And Taehyung was astonished how naturally she looked while passing both to the security guard. If she was nervous - which he knew she must've been - he couldn't tell. The guards passed her the documents back and they entered. Going through the metal detectors and towards the corridor to the courtyard then.

The courtyard wasn't too big, or at least the numerous people in their gowns and tuxedos made it appear smaller. The building's facade was just as cream white there as outside from the street. A big french flag lazily waving in the night air over one of the side entrances, which was covered by a curved construction out of glass with everyone lining up in front to enter.

Cassandra put on a serious face again and closed her eyes. Taking in a deep breath. "I'm better than everyone else. I'm better than everyone else. I'm -"

"What?" His brows furrowed in confusion at her weird mantra.

"Getting mentally into my role. Can't look like a misfit among all those snobby people," she explained with a grin and Taehyung let out a genuine laugh.

This woman surely was full of surprised.

He nodded in approval before tucking her towards the entrance.

"Smart. Come, let's go inside."  

»»»

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!

next chapter: 0.6 here

Don't forget to like, comment & leave feedback!♡ It motivates me to keep writing :)

taglist: @lilanyxta @naoolammao345 @memna234 @tetehion @myblacklilame @nanakamami @sweetmimosa28

[littlesheeneffect]

Bow Tied Love ❤️

Aziraphael x Reader (AFAB Genderfluid)

Rating: At your discretion.... maybe T

Warnings: Mentions of smutt, mostly fluff, low self esteem, angst, medical issues, slight language

...... Yesterday.......

I made my way to the back of the book shop with a stack in hand, my stomach constantly in butterflies at the thought of Aziraphael. His beautiful eyes, that round face, his fluffy curls, and that sweetly soft body- oh I wished I could just curl up with!

I had to do something, the infatuation was just going to kill me.... it already was killing my blood sugar, blood pressure, and nervous system with that constant state of the feels. Gosh, there he was again!

"Darling, would you mind bringing me the Hidden Hand by-" cut him off by placing E.D.E.N Southworth's novel in his hand. "Thank you love", ugh, he did it again....

I couldn't take it, my health felt like it was being thrown out the windows by my stupidity. Why would he even think something as human as I was? It wasn't possible, and if if it was- it was probably for Crowley that he would, not me. I'm mean, just look at me!

"You know what I've been thinking darling, we should reorganize the far bookshelf on the northeast side of the shop this week. If we get half of it done before Thursday, crepes it is!" He beamed out without looking anywhere in particular.

Suddenly I got the courage, or rather cowardice, to mutter out, " Um, Zira I think I'm gonna head home for the day. It's been quite a week, an, an, and something came up. I don't know if I'll be able to come in on Monday." Crap It sounded to apathetic, so distant, so like this job was nothing and I could careless! Why did I?!?!

"Oh", he said with a simplicity that broke me even more because of my being the cause of it. "Well," he started and I attempted to redeem myself once more. "I mean Zira, I just don't know if it's the right way to say this but I, I won't come in." Crap! "I mean, because I have someone important to care for, and if they go down..... we'll, let's just say it's not,.. you know" Mental Facepalm.

With a near blank expression and wide eyes, Aziraphael replied, " Well, if you refuse to help me, then of course.... you're at liberty to go." Quickly he stood from his seat and exited to a back room. I felt awful. Why did I have to be such a nitwit, so afraid to faint in his arms, that I would make him think I was an ungrateful prig. Ugh!!!!

In fact, I had no idea that I was so heartwrenched by my own actions that I was still seated on the edge of the desk near fifteen minutes later. Right in the same place.

Everything I'd done wrong in life had been swirling about in my mind. Everything that was completely complicated pushed it's way forth. Why was I kicked out of my family's house... cuz I was Genderfluid? Why did such an Angel like Aziraphael take a lowlife like me in.... cuz that who he was, not because of me. Why did I just dis the crush of my life... coz I'm selfish? Why was I so, so- ME!!!??

Little did I realize that AZ had reenterred the room with a concered and surprised look. "Ughm" he cleared his throught. When I didn't look up, he began concerned, "Y/n, weren't you going home?" I finally looked up slowly, yet not fully at him. Just into the distance.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going" I said in a slurred tone as I wearily stood. Yet the flush drained from my cheeks and I felt entirely weak. As I began to crumble to the floor, Aziraphael's arms caught me.

"Oh darling," he called, " You're having a faint, stay with me dear. Stay with me." As he held me partly propped on his squatted knee and with his arms, I slowly turned my pale face to his. "Zir, zzira?"

"Yes, dear, I'm here- don't worry" he consoled, looking at me to check if I was fading off anymore. "I'm such a terr, terrible person", I moaned in dellusional angst, "I'm so, so"- suddenly the tears just broke forth. "Shhhhhh, shhhh, now my love. That's not true, shhhhh. You're just fine. You are a wonderfully beautiful person, y/n." His voice softly echoed into the weak sobs, as one hand rubbed my back. "Don't you listen to those voices darling, you are perfect. God loves you more than you can ever imagine darling, and so do I. Shhhh now dear, shhhh."

Gradually, a peak of color returned to my blush once more, and I looked up to his gorgeous face. Yet everything was still blurry and off.

In a true delusional and blissful state, I reached a hand up to his greenish checkered bow tie. Tugging it gently, I smiled in a lightheaded elation, " You make this bow tie so handsome, my sweetiepie!"

Then I fully swooned.

(And he may have too, I don't fully know that part. I just remember the lightheaded look he had before it all went black.)

....... Today ......

I was upstairs getting out of Aziraphael's ridiculously soft bed, and noticed it was well past 12 in the afternoon, when I heard a swift nock on the door.

"Hey Angel, oh" I turned to see Crowley stanting in the doorway, surprised as heck. "Umm", he trailed, "Did u and him, are you two, this is, ummm. Morning!" He then quickly turned and left, leaving me nearly caving over in laughter.

Downstairs, Crowley found Aziraphael who was retrieving a tray of crepes in the store. " Angel!" "Oh, Crowley, helloe" Zira turned smiling. "You and y/n slept together?" He blurted out, causing an elated and innocent sway to erupt from Zira. "Mm-hum" he replied on cloud nine.

Crowley paused for a second, hardly believing the angel's reply and reaction. Then shaking it off, he continued in this dirty way. " Well, how was it?" "Oh, it was marvelous!" Zira beamed exuberant. "Did you, was it, was it oral?" Crowley asked, still surprised.

"Was it oral? Whatever on earth are you talking about? How could sleeping be or-" Aziraphael's face suddenly blanked. And Crowley pushed though already seeing Zira realized, "You know, the sex?". Aziraphael straightened with near offense, "The what!?" He then hushed his tone hearing my light singing from upstairs, "How on earth did you draw such a conclusion?" Crowley shook his head knowing nothing of the sort happened between us two, and irritatedly explained, "I seen her in your room and you siad you two slept together! At an adults age that typically means something more that sleeping."

Aziraphael, back in his dellusional state beamed, "Y/n slept in my bed last night because she, she, she-" Crowley's eyebrows raised high above his glasses brim with expectation. "- She loves me and I love her- and, and she likes my bow tie."

With that, I suddenly approached the two in a similar state of euphoria. "Morning Zira!" He smiled back as I grabbed one of the crepes, and he played a soft kiss on my cheek, "Good morning my love!".

Crowley just crinkled his brow at the innocence of it all, before just shugging it off. I myself was such a fool to doubt the love of Zira all those years.

I mean looking back, what else should one expect of an Angel. 😇❤️💍

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

Ask game for Skye?

Aw yes our beloved tiny Cockapoo XD

My first impression - Why is there only one female pup and why is she so much smaller than the boys-- Is she a Cocker Spaniel?? Could've been a bit bigger...

My impression now - "Thank you Mighty Movie for giving her some lore and anything at all other than what little the show gives us"

Favorite thing about that character - She's one of the only three characters who are girls in PINK that I think the color actually fits them really well, instead of just color coding girls with pink just because. She DOES look good in it, it fits with her actions and general behavior, just as well as all pink/violet shades she wears with other colors for highlights. It may sound of not much importance, but pink is a strong color, not a "feminine" color. It shouldn't ever be "lowly/lazily coded" for girls just because girls, it can and should be used by anyone, as long as they get it. Don't see pink as "feminine/gay" color, see it as "lighter red, passion, fire, love, care, nurturing, protecting". Someone who takes others under their wings and care for them, protect them, fight for them. Skye is persistent, she cares, she's passionate, she's always giving it her all and some more. She deserves the pink color.

Least favorite thing - Being the only girl in the main team when there's a demand for female rep makes it so she's exhaustively OVERUSED to the extent of shading out other pups who would be more suited for certain kinds of rescues, kicking them out of the scene only for being males and their need for showing more girl power. I've been missing Everest showing up more times, heck she lives just close to them, it's closer than Liberty, at least they wouldn't need to overuse Skye so ridiculously much...

Favorite line/scene - This scene lives rent free in my mind

Favorite interaction that character has with another - That moment in the first movie when she went to pick Chase from the rooftop and bring him back down to ground level. I think she could understand he was panicking and made sure he would hear her voice, state her intention and next moves "I'm coming to get you" so he wouldn't be caught by surprise, she asked what happened, made sure he would know people were safe now and he could let go and go with her, she was a total darling there. 10/10 emotional support pup.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - Chase and Liberty. First I miss Skye and Chase being absolute dorks together, second I loved Skye's dynamic with Liberty in the Mighty Movie, with the two often talking and throwing shade at others or being generally sarcastic to make each other laugh

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - Uran, from Tetsuwan Atom, specifically the 2003 anime version - you might know her as Zoran, Astro Boy. But the American dub for that anime literally changed EVERYTHING to the point if you watch the anime dubbed and subbed, you feel it's two entirely different stories. "Zoran" was nothing like "Uran", they managed to change and reshape her personality in such a way they're literally two completely different characters, so I'll be precise and say I'm talking specifically about the Japanese Uran character, not the dubbed Zoran character.

A headcanon about that character - The show gave me nothing to develop ideas about her, sadly. So I don't have any interesting headcanons to go about- just that I believe she loves strawberry bubblegum scented shampoo lol

A song that reminds of that character - "Defying Gravity"

An unpopular opinion about that character - I prefer her movie verse over the show verse. I can't feel a "personality" in the show... She's cool, but if it wasn't for the movie, I feel like we wouldn't ever have anything to work about her at all?? She's just-- always happy, likes to play Pup Pup Boogie, flies her 'copter, is afraid of eagles. Isn't it weird that I just listed four things about her and still feel like I don't have much to work with her at all??? The only friend I know who has her as his favorite pup told me it's because she's the flight rescue pup - he's hyperfixated on aircrafts. It's not for who she is, only for her being the one to fly 'copters/jets. It could be ANY pup instead of her. That's just freaking SAD. The Mighty Movie wasn't perfect but at least it gave her SOMETHING ELSE if you get what I mean now.

Favorite picture - I didn't get there in the show yet but this is my favorite outfit of hers already, hands down. She looks hella cool.

[lovely-showtimes]

Hello! Can I request this.. sekai boys x reader who is afraid of doctors/hospitals?

Thank you in advance, have a nice day! <3

hospitals.

characters - akito, toya.

type - scenario.

contains - reader is stated to have anxiety, because ... well, i do, and i can best describe being scared of something if i use my own experiences, if that makes sense.

a/n - thank you, nonnie!! i hope you have a wonderful day as well <3 i was gonna just make these hcs but i thought maybe a small drabble would work better? also i'm sorry that it's only akito & toya, i truly couldn't think of anything interesting for tsukasa & rui (╥﹏╥) please forgive me ...

It's just a check-up. I'll be fine.

Those were the words you told yourself repeatedly as you pace around your living room, trying to ignore the pit of anxiety in your stomach.

It's fine. Just like always, they'll tell me everything is fine, and then I'll go back home. It won't be as bad as I'm expecting.

Yet, no matter how much you tried to reason with yourself, your fears stayed present in your mind, gnawing at you and making your anxiety even worse.

While you were pacing around, lost in thought, Akito reenters the room once more. He was holding the glass of water you'd asked him to get for you a few moments ago.

He sighs, placing the glass down on the table and walking over to you.

"Oi. Stop pacing like that. You're not making yourself feel any better, you know?" He places his hands on your shoulders firmly and gently spins you around to face him.

"But I can't stop thinking about it." You rub your face and groan quietly.

Akito frowns and lets go of you once more. He can't stand to see you like this, but Akito has never been particularly good at comforting people, especially when they're anxious like this. Hell, he doesn't even know how to cope with it when it happens to himself...

"You know what," he speaks after a few moments of silent contemplation, "After the visit's over, do you wanna come to this cafe nearby? It could be something else for you to think about instead of the visit, I guess."

You lift your head in surprise. "That's... That's actually a great idea, 'Kito!! Thank you!!"

You throw your arms around him in a sudden hug, causing him to stumble backwards slightly. He soon steadies himself forever, and hugs you in return.

"It's nothing, really," he chuckles lightly. "I'm just glad you don't seem as worried anymore."

You exhale loudly, tapping your foot absentmindedly on the carpeted floors. Currently, you were hanging around the arcade with your boyfriend, Toya.

Well, you were supposed to be. He had gone off... somewhere. You could guess where, but seeing as you don't go to the arcade often, you're not sure where to go to seek him out.

You sigh again, fidgeting with your shirt. Toya took you here because he wanted you to have a nice time before you had to go for your check-up, you were aware of that. But your fears clawed at you, making you unable to enjoy the atmosphere.

You begin wandering around, searching for Toya. Maybe if you're with him, you could relax a little. Maybe...

It took quite a while of aimless wandering (you could have just called him and asked where he was, but that would mean admitting you were lost... which you would very much prefer to avoid), but you found him eventually.

Toya was right where you expected to find him, at the claw machine. He was utterly engrossed in the game, a level of concentration you didn't often see from him.

You took a few quiet steps closer, eyes wide in awe. You hadn't ever actually seen him play this before, and it was strangely mesmerizing, despite how simple the gameplay was.

Before you knew it, Toya had gained yet another plushie from the machine. He carefully drops it into the bag he'd placed beside the machine and goes to input another coin to play again.

"Ah, Toya," you hurry over to stop him from spending all his money on crane games. "I've been looking for you. I-I have to go soon, so..."

You trail off, averting your gaze. You wish you didn't have to go, but there was nothing you could do to. You had to go at some point...

"Ah, yes. I'd forgotten about that." Toya picks up the bag of plushies he'd obtained (wow, there was way more in that bag than you'd originally thought) and holds it out to you. A soft smile appears on his face.

"Here. I got these for you."

You slowly take the bag from him in bewilderment. Did he really just come here so he could get a bunch of plushies for you...? It was a fairly good idea on his part, to be honest... It's an easy way to get lots of plushies for relatively little amounts of money.

Your eyes made contact with a particular bunny plushie in the bag. Somehow, its cute little face managed to temporarily make you forget about your fears.

"Toya, you're too sweet!" You quickly meet his eyes once more and beam. "Thank you for all this, you're the best!"

Toya's smile grows. "It's nothing, really. C'mon, we should get going."

[666writingcafe]

Time to Gossip

A Text Conversation Between Asmo and MC

Asmo: UGH, UNBELIEVABLE!

MC: You're not upset at me, are you?

Asmo: No...it's Satan. He's EVIL! Absolutely EVIL! He's a fucking monster!

MC: What happened?

Asmo: He just dumped a whole bunch of work on me! What's he even thinking?!

MC: Homework, or housework?

Asmo: Satan's been helping me study for my Devildom history exam, and I missed yesterday's session.

Asmo: I mean, I get it. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to run off shopping with Mammon when he invited me, but still! I was planning on wrapping up my shopping early! I didn't mean to skip, but picking out clothes takes so much time, you know? Before I knew it, the hours had flown by!

Asmo: You're on my side here, right? Don't you think Satan's being just awful?!

MC: I think he just wants to make sure you pass your exam. Of course, I don't know the exact amount of work he gave you. If it's a mountain of paperwork, then yeah, it's a bit much, but if it's only a few packets, then I honestly don't see the harm.

Asmo: I can't believe it! You're siding with HIM?! I didn't do anything wrong! I mean, my only crime is being a little too beautiful!

MC: *gif of someone face-palming*

Asmo: That's why Satan's picking on me for such a tiny mistake, you know? He's jealous!

MC: You keep telling yourself that, Asmo. *eye roll emoji*

MC: Besides, complaining isn't going to make your schoolwork go away.

Asmo: You're right.

Asmo: I guess I'd better get to it. As much as I don't want to.

Five Minutes Later

Asmo: Why did you ask me if I was upset at you?

MC: You really are desperate to not study, aren't you?

Asmo: I was trying to, honest!

MC: Sure.

MC: If I answer your question, will you go back to work?

Asmo: *nodding crow emoji*

MC: I thought that Solomon had told you that we got a bit distracted during our last tutoring session and that you were jealous that you couldn't be there.

Asmo: What do you mean, you 'got a bit distracted'?

MC: *side eye emoji*

Asmo: *questioning sticker*

MC: *two kiss mark emojis*

Asmo: Seriously?

MC: *sweat droplets emoji*

Asmo: About time.

MC: *questioning sticker*

Asmo: He's been eyeing you for weeks, MC. His lust flares up whenever you guys are in the same room.

MC: Ah.

Asmo: It was kinda sad, actually, because he was also telling himself that he couldn't have you and that he would have to be content with the current state of your relationship.

Asmo: I take it that he got hit with or consumed something that counteracted those feelings?

MC: A love curse.

Asmo: That'd do it for sure.

A Couple Hours Later

Asmo: I want to take a break.

MC: As long as you've actually been studying, I don't see why not.

Asmo: I have. I just finished my third packet.

MC: Congratulations.

Asmo: Let's do something together. You must be worn out too, right?

MC: I am getting tired, yes.

Asmo: Then that settles it. We're having a spa session in my room.

Asmo: I mean, we could spend heaps of time cramming until exam day, but that won't help us if we end up utterly exhausted on the actual day, will it?

MC: True.

MC: Give me a few minutes. I'm almost done with my study guide.

Asmo: And then you'll come over?

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

Asmo: *sticker of crow happily flapping its wings*

Asmo: I have it all planned out.

Asmo: We'll get in the bath together, and then afterwards I'll give you a massage, and then after THAT, we'll snuggle!

MC: Snuggle, or "snuggle"?

Asmo: Whatever you want. I want tonight to be all about you. You've been working much harder than I have, after all.

MC: Then I'm afraid it's going to have to be strictly SFW. I don't know if I have it in me to do much more than that.

Asmo: I understand.

Asmo: If you DO change your mind, I'd just focus on you. You wouldn't have to do anything for me if you didn't want to.

[mcalhenwrites]

Personal update, because... I don't know how things are going to go. I don't know when I'll update things. I don't know when I'll sleep properly and get any writing done. This hit when I was having a bit of a lapse in mental health, and I was discouraged about writing (but trying to keep myself from being pulled under!). I spent about 30 minutes pacing around my bathroom since it's further inside the building, trying to figure out if we were in the path of another tornado while the sirens blared. We were not. My town didn't get hit this time, like it did two weeks ago. Anyway. Two hours later, I'm face to face with a bed bug for the first time, and that fucked me up.

I broke down crying in a panic when I realized what it was and what it might meant for us. We're still searching through belongings because guess how much stuff we own? A LOT! (Someone advised me to go through each of my hundreds of books, page by page, to look for any hidden in them. I'm going to die.) But so far, it has only been the one. I haven't been mentally well. We're not rich over here, money is tight for my roommate and they're paying for all the bills. I just try to keep the place moderately clean, cook a few meals, and write my stories and hope they might sell a bit so I can make a little money to help out. I have been job searching and put in an application to one job that would've worked well for my disabilities, but I didn't get the job. I'm still waiting another month until my appointment to see a specialist about one of my severe health issues. One that can be treated and dealt with! But it's pretty bad! Things have been awful. Like seriously, I cannot catch a break. I don't know how to find the spoons I barely have to do all the work that needs done. I wanted to make progress on Seasons - and I still will, but I don't know how much this will slow that down - and I plan to finish up all those short stories for Geckos so I can publish them together. Geckos isn't really selling, but I am grateful it has sold a few copies. The apartment manager is aware of our situation. My library books are in gallon ziplocs to return in person Thursday and notify them that they might want to treat them or hold them back until they're certain they're safe for circulation again. Can't hurt. I just don't want anyone else to deal with this. I vacuumed this morning but I'm so sore and I can't sleep... tomorrow we are going to buy some things to help deal with this, like storage containers and bags and covers and whatnot. Seeing a lot of people mention steamers. I don't know how to live with this. Scabies during the beginning of covid was bad enough. Scabies being immediately followed by a fucking brown recluse bite that got badly infected and required me seeing a surgeon REALLY fucking sucked. Brown recluse infestatinos are awful! We left our shit apartment and broke lease to move here. It was decently good. Not the perfect place, but y'know. So seeing a bed bug in a building that's only about 2 years old... I worry we have neighbors who are dealing with it and won't say anything. It's a concern. I really don't want to live like this. The problem is I don't want to live at all now, because nothing ever lets up. My roommate is worried about me, so I have agreed this week to do some calling around for psychological help, but I am afraid to go to urgent care and pass along little fucking hell creatures. I'm afraid I might GET MORE OF THEM. Also, the one time I was in a psychiatric hospital was so bad, I had nightmares consistently about having to go back to one for over a year. I still get them sometimes. But I'm feeling suicidal in a "I can't deal with bed bugs" kind of way. I need help. I don't know how to get it. I'm mad that there are millions of other people in this same state. Why is our fucking country so into weapons and selling them to countries that blow up innocent people and starve them to death, so into guns it's appalling, but like... developing new antibiotics and housing people and looking for ways to take care of bed bugs? Nah. Why do that? Fuck the little people I guess.

[heeswifetypeshi]

A LOVE WITHOUT A LABEL

SKZ: CHANGBIN

Out of all the days, did the world decide to throw problems at people only today?

This was something that was going through her mind throughout the day because she was booked with appointments today

She worked as a therapist. She loved her job. Just not today. Not when she was drained out yet she handled the people's problems with patience.

She felt exhausted and all she ever wanted at that point was to go home to her Binnie and have his arms around her

She walked to her parking lot and drove to Changbin's house

She met him 3 months ago when he moved into her neighbourhood and wanted a tour around. She being the social being helped him and from then on things weren't the same.

They both became so close that they both would die if they didn't see each other.

They both weren't in a relationship. Not yet. Not when they both were busy with their work lives.

They both were aware of their feelings for each other but they never said it out loud.

She wanted a serious relationship with Changbin but he was too afraid of hurting her. So they loved just like that without a label. It was fine for the both of them. They got what they partially wanted didn't they? Yet that didn't seem to be enough for her.

She wanted them to be serious so she could stop being a workaholic. But here she is. Watching herself turn into a workaholic.

She arrived at his house unannounced. And she saw the consequences of it when she sat on his couch. Changbin came out his room with wet black hair, black sweatpants and no shirt. No shirt. Oh God, was she heating up at the sight of him.

He found her flustered state amusing and decided to toy with her

He came closer to her ear with his lips brushing against it. She could feel herself burning under his touch and all she could wish for was to feel this everyday

" Like what you see don't you? Anyways go take a shower and come back. Let's go up the rooftop. I'll prepare something for us to eat."

And so she did. She took a shower and wore one of his black shirts which came just above her knees but revealed her collarbones

She walked into the kitchen and looked at him in awe as she saw him move swiftly around the kitchen getting the things ready for their midnight picnic on the roof

She back hugged his bare torso feeling all his perfect curves finding warmth in his touch. He felt himself melting under her touch. He kept whispering words of comfort telling her that it's okay to be tired sometimes

They both broke the hug and made their way up to the rooftop along with a bottle of wine.

They gazed at the stars finding it perfectly hung on the dark sky. The stars were accompanying the sky so they could be lonely together. It reminded her of them both. Of how her life was just plain and empty until Changbin showed up. She felt like she figured out most of her life by just looking at him and thinking " He's the one I'll want from now on"

They both looked at each other. It's the first time they've made eye contact this much and by goodness sake did they feel like they've both found the love of their lives in front of them.

His gaze flickered to her lips, his eyes looking for approval. With her simple nod, they finally did it. They finally kissed.

They both fit each other so perfectly, like the stars hanging in the sky. They both felt this whole wave of happiness and ecstasy when their lips met. Oh, how she felt so safe under his touch.

They broke apart and looked at each other with a loving gaze, not being able to let go of each other as if their lives depended on it.

"I'm sorry I can't give you the type of love you want. If I could look past my fears, I would've loved you so much"

" It's fine don't worry." It was a lie. It wasn't okay. She wanted to fight with him and tell him not to keep being scared of what could happen and just take the risk. But she loves him too much to even say it.

" I'll still love you though. But not be in a relationship"

" Okay Changbin. As long as you're happy."

Even if it means I'm not entirely happy.

And that's how they continued to love each other. Without a label.

[boreal-sea]

I do not know how to tell you that people's individual choices to be awful is not something the President can control.

Trump could have done proper lockdowns. He could have encouraged masking and not set masking up to be a thing to hate, a thing everyone is happy they "don't have to do anymore" (I still mask every time I go out for the record). Trump could have encouraged people to get vaccines, but instead he make everyone afraid to get them.

People being horrible today is directly because of Trump.

Put your jaw back on and read the things I linked. Educate yourself on what Biden has already done for the environment, for trans people, and all of that other stuff. I'll link it again for you.

Biden and trans rights: https://www.hrc.org/resources/president-bidens-pro-lgbtq-timeline

How Biden Got the Infrastructure Deal Trump Couldn’t (Published 2021)

Biden on environmental reform: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/10/07/fact-sheet-president-biden-restores-protections-for-three-national-monuments-and-renews-american-leadership-to-steward-lands-waters-and-cultural-resources/

Heck, I'll even directly put ALL the links down below a cut.

Biden and trans rights: https://www.hrc.org/resources/president-bidens-pro-lgbtq-timeline

Trump and trans rights: https://www.aclu.org/news/lgbtq-rights/trump-on-lgbtq-rights-rolling-back-protections-and-criminalizing-gender-nonconformity

The two sources above show how Biden has done a lot of work to promote trans rights, and how Trump did a lot of work to hurt trans rights.

Biden on abortion access: https://www.cnn.com/2022/07/08/politics/what-is-in-biden-abortion-executive-order/index.html

Trump on abortion access: https://apnews.com/article/abortion-trump-republican-presidential-election-2024-585faf025a1416d13d2fbc23da8d8637

Biden openly supports access to abortion and has taken steps to protect those rights at a federal level even after Roe v Wade was overturned. Trump, on the other hand, was the man who appointed the judges who helped overturn Roe v Wade and he openly brags about how proud he is of that decision. He also states that he believes individual states should have the final say in whether or not abortion is legal, and that he trusts them to "do the right thing", meaning he supports stronger abortion bans.

Biden on environmental reform: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/10/07/fact-sheet-president-biden-restores-protections-for-three-national-monuments-and-renews-american-leadership-to-steward-lands-waters-and-cultural-resources/

Trump on environmental reform: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/climate/trump-environment-rollbacks-list.html

Biden has made major steps forward for environmental reform. He has restored protections that Trump rolled back. He has enacted many executive orders and more to promote environmental protections, including rejoining the Paris Accords, which Trump withdrew the USA from. Trump is also well known for spreading conspiracy theories and lies about global climate change, calling it a "Chinese hoax".

Biden on healthcare and prescription reform: https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/09/biden-administration-announces-savings-43-prescription-drugs-part-cost-saving-measures-president-bidens-inflation-reduction-act.html

Trump on healthcare reform: https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/07/politics/obamacare-health-insurance-ending-trump/index.html

I'm rolling healthcare and prescriptions and vaccines and public health all into one category here since they are related. Biden has lowered drug costs, expanded access to medicaid, and ACA enrollment has risen during his presidency. He has also made it so medical debt no longer applies to a person's credit score. He signed many executive orders during his first few weeks in office in order to get a handle on Trump's grievous mishandling of the COVID pandemic. Trump also wants to end the ACA. Trump is well known for refusing to wear a mask during the pandemic, encouraging the use of hydroxylchloroquine to "treat" COVID, and being openly anti-vaxx.

Biden on student loan forgiveness: https://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/biden-harris-administration-announces-additional-77-billion-approved-student-debt-relief-160000-borrowers

Trump on student loan forgiveness: https://www.forbes.com/sites/adamminsky/2024/06/20/trump-knocks-bidens-vile-student-loan-forgiveness-plans-suggests-reversal/

Trump wants to reverse the student loan forgiveness plans Biden has enacted. Biden has already forgiven billions of dollars in loans and continues to work towards forgiving more.

Infrastructure funding:

How Biden Got the Infrastructure Deal Trump Couldn’t (Published 2021)

Guidebook to the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law | Build.gov | The White House

I'm putting these links next together because they are all about infrastructure.

In general, Trump's "achievements" for infrastructure were to destroy environmental protections to speed up projects. Many of his plans were ineffective due to the fact that he did not clearly outline where the money was going to come from, and he was unwilling to raise taxes to pay for the projects. He was unable (and unwilling) to pass a bipartisan infrastructure bill during his 4 years in office. He did sign a few disaster relief bills. He did not enthusiastically promote renewable energy infrastructure. He created "Infrastructure Weeks" that the federal government then failed to fund. Trump did not do nothing for infrastructure, but his no-tax stance and his dislike for renewable energy means the contributions he made to American infrastructure were not as much as he claimed they were, nor as much as they could have been. Basically, he made a lot of promises, and delivered on very few of them. He is not "against" infrastructure, but he's certainly against funding it.

Biden was able to pass that bipartisan bill after taking office. The Bipartisan Infrastructure Plan that Trump tried to prevent from passing during Biden's term contains concrete funding sources and step by step plans to rebuild America's infrastructure. If you want to read the plan, you can find it here: https://www.whitehouse.gov/build/guidebook/. Biden has done far more for American infrastructure than Trump did, most notably by actually getting the bipartisan bill through congress.

Biden on Racial Equity: https://www.npr.org/sections/president-biden-takes-office/2021/01/26/960725707/biden-aims-to-advance-racial-equity-with-executive-actions

Trump on Racial Equity: https://www.axios.com/2024/04/01/trump-reverse-racism-civil-rights https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-37230916

Trump's racist policies are loud and clear for everyone to hear. We all heard him call Mexicans "Drug dealers, criminals, rapists". We all watched as he enacted travel bans on people from majority-Muslim nations. Biden, on the other hand, has done quite a lot during his term to attempt to reconcile racism in this country, including reversing Trump's "Muslim ban" the first day he was in office.

Biden on DEI: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2021/06/25/executive-order-on-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-accessibility-in-the-federal-workforce/

Trump on DEI: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-tried-to-crush-the-dei-revolution-heres-how-he-might-finish-the-job/ar-BB1jg3gz

Biden supports DEI and has signed executive orders and passed laws that support DEI on the federal level. Trump absolutely hates DEI and wants to eradicate it.

Biden on criminal justice reform: https://time.com/6155084/biden-criminal-justice-reform/

Trump on criminal justice reform: https://www.vox.com/2020-presidential-election/21418911/donald-trump-crime-criminal-justice-policy-record https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/05/trumps-extreme-plans-crime/678502/

From pardons for non-violent marijuana convictions to reducing the federal government's reliance on private prisons, Biden has done a lot in four years to reform our criminal justice system on the federal level. Meanwhile, Trump has described himself as "tough on crime". He advocates for more policing, including "stop and frisk" activities. Ironically it's actually quite difficult to find sources about what Trump thinks about crime, because almost all of the search results are about his own crimes.

Biden on military support for Israel: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/biden-obama-divide-closely-support-israel-rcna127107

Trump on military support for Israel: https://www.vox.com/politics/353037/trump-gaza-israel-protests-biden-election-2024

Biden supports Israel financially and militarily and promotes holding Israel close. So did Trump. Trump was also very pro-Israel during his time in office and even moved the embassy to Jerusalem and declared Jerusalem the capitol of Israel, a move that inflamed attitudes in the region.

Biden on a ceasefire: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2024/06/05/gaza-israel-hamas-cease-fire-plan-biden/73967659007/

Trump on a ceasefire: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-israel-gaza-finish-problem-rcna141905

Trump has tried to be quiet on the issue but recently said he wants Israel to "finish the problem". He of course claims he could have prevented the whole problem. Trump also openly stated after Oct 7th that he would bar immigrants who support Hamas from the country and send in officers to American protests to arrest anyone supporting Hamas.

Biden meanwhile has been quietly urging Netanyahu to accept a ceasefire deal for months, including the most recent announcement earlier in June, though it seems as though that deal has finally fallen through as well.

Look.

I have made you a chart. A very simple chart.

People say "You have to draw the line somewhere, and Biden has crossed it-" and my response is "Trump has crossed way more lines than Biden".

These categories are based off of actual policy enacted by both of these men while they were in office.

If the ONLY LINE YOU CARE ABOUT is line 12, you have an incredible amount of privilege, AND YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT PALESTINIANS. You obviously have nothing to fear from a Trump presidency, and you do not give a fuck if a ceasefire actually occurs. You are obviously fine if your queer, disabled, and marginalized loved ones are hurt. You clearly don't care about the status of American democracy, which Trump has openly stated he plans to destroy on day 1 he is in office.

[sometimesiammybpd]

i feel bad for not posting all the time. i just like. don't know what to say when it's not a longform post. i still don't reeeeeally know who i am, so yeah. anyways hi.

to put this bluntly, i quit my job a week ago. after trump won the election, i spiraled. because i was one of the mistaken leftists (i don't consider myself a leftist at ALL but it's the most fitting term here.) who believed kamala had such a fighting chance that there was no way in hell he would win . . . and then he did. when i went to bed on the 5th, i went high as shit because i knew i wouldn't be able to handle any of this. i was and still am right about that. but when i woke up on the 6th and saw he won the election (yes, i saw the outlets that were calling it for him before even 2 am that night.), i couldn't process it at first. and then it hit me about an hour after i woke up and i still couldn't process any of it. except the thought to quit my job.

and i'll be real, i don't know if it was more self-destructive or what i'm about to say. cause in the moment, i said i wasn't going to work under my boss anymore because he's a massive trump supporter and i was losing it. i know that's true but it's moreso the question of if it's a scapegoat-type excuse or a genuine excuse. that i don't know. but i quit. i no-called, no-showed and then didn't show the next day and was fired. and that was that. yeah, he blew me up. i fucked over people that i didn't want to fuck over. but it meant more to me than just "he's a trump supporter." i am trans. i am a woman. and he voted to take away my rights, cis women rights, immigrant rights, the right to criticize the government, the separation of church and state, and so much more. and while i do believe it's partially me trying to just ruin my life because of where i was mentally, i just. even hearing his voice makes me angry. because how can you be "supportive" of anything you say you are and then vote for him? you can't be supportive just when it's convenient for you. you can't take away someone's right to choose, vote for themselves, get divorced, etc., and then still pretend like you're the good guy. and that's my issue with this entire fucking situation.

yes, i am angry with the right. i will always be angry with the right. but i'm so much angrier with the left. because for starters, kamala wasn't a fucking democrat. she ran under the guise of being a democrat, but she isn't one. she's an old-school republican and it showed based on her policies and the way she handled her campaign. and yes, she's better than biden in a lot of areas (they're both fucking awful in terms of the stance on israel / palestine and don't get me started on that). but it's been proven that "i'm not biden" is not good enough. that "i might ask for a ceasefire as president" is not good enough. that camo hats, threatening to close the border like MAGA has been for decades, not addressing ANYTHING regarding the working class to actually help us like fucking proper student loan payment, raising the minimum wage, supporting getting rid of the electorial college (i love tim walz for that stance but i hate the harris campaign for making him back down), literally anything. i voted for kamala and it felt like a wasted vote. i was excited in the moment because it was my first presidental election i could vote in, but it felt wrong and felt like a wasted vote. i wasn't going to not vote or vote third-party. and i'll be honest, i'm afraid of what's to come. i'm afraid i'm going to get arrested for not being supportive of trump. i'm afraid if they find out i'm trans, i'll be arrested for that (i still do not pass at all. i actually look insanely masculine which i HATE). i'm afraid of my friends losing their rights and of the thought that we will never have another free election in this country as long as i am alive because of this election.

they're just fears, i keep telling myself. even though there most definitely will be a mass deportation attempt on day one. even though they've already started attempting to pass bills to give trump more freedom to do whatever he wants, including taking down who he considers to be political enemies. they're just fears. except i don't believe that and i have no hope left to be able to use to undo that. i don't want to be a pessimist in this. i know people will still fight. i know it's not over unless we give up. but the democrats don't seem to give a flying fuck as they're blaming fucking transgender people for THEIR LOSS. FOR THE MISTAKES THEY FUCKING MADE.

i'm gonna be real. i felt so hopeless on november 6th that i was ready to take my life. i didn't want to abandon my friends, but i didn't want to be here anymore. because how was january 6th not enough? i was 17 and watched that happen in REAL TIME. i was physically shaking and that was most genuine fear and anger i felt until now. i cannot fucking believe i have to live in a country where a convicted felon has more supporters than any other politician. where he IS GETTING TO BE PRESIDENT TWICE. i can only begin to imagine what it must feel like for anyone who trump SA'd.

i don't know. maybe in four years, democrats will finally LEARN and something good will happen. but even if we are able to get it back, who's to say we'll have a country in 4 years worth taking back? who's to say we'll have a world that's still worth fighting for? and i don't think anyone right now realizes how long it'll be before anything he puts in place over the next 4 years gets undone. keep in mind that losing RvW was his fault, but it happened AFTER he got out of office. that's how much he's already fucked up this country. we have collectively voted to give the 2-year old who can't stop shitting their pants to form a coherent sentence the keys to the car and letting them drive cross-country for almost half a decade.

i don't know. i don't want to talk about this anymore.

[rozinaaa]

Getting Back To Your Authentic Self by Self Experimenting via TikTok

I came across this video on TikTok where the main message is to drop the all or nothing mindset, so that you can get back to your authentic self, or in other words, being the person that you were before the world and life itself started to get its hands on you.

Honestly, I needed this because I'm so guilty of having the all or nothing mindset, to the point where I've unintentionally broken myself in the process by my own black and white thinking.

Perhaps it's a byproduct and a side effect of being on the spectrum (because although I'm basically autistic, I don't feel comfortable with that term at all, so I usually refer to myself as someone who is on the spectrum) where I sometimes take things literally and too seriously, which is caused by black and white thinking, where I just think "I can either do this or I simply won't", so for instance: "I can either live an aspirational high tech lifestyle or I'll just live like it's still the Victorian times", where there isn't any middle ground at all, hence the all or nothing mindset.

I know that I previously used to bitch about social media, but I'm now facing the consequences of not having it, as I now feel disconnected from the outside world, where I don't know what other people my age are up to (because trust me, being in your 20s is very turbulent and everything's basically up in the air), let alone be aware of anything that happens within my areas of interest (which, to put broadly, involves house music, things that exist at the intersection of art and technology, art for art's sake, different categories of technology, and different disciplines within design itself, as well as anything that can be viewed as a form of self improvement and self expression), so being unemployed and not being active on any form of social media (lurking on Reddit doesn't count) may as well feel like you're frozen in time and stuck in a coma, where everyone else is doing things (c'mon, I'm old enough to work, to drive, get married, get a house, and have kids, yet it feels like I'm still stuck at square one), and I'm just there feeling like a spare part in literally everything ever, which is absolutely awful.

With all of this, it feels like I've become a shell of my former self, where I can hardly recognise myself anymore, as I just drift aimlessly through life like a ghost that's still alive in human form, desperately hoping for this situation to end soon, so that I can actually find some shreds of my identity, and that I can at least have a sense of belonging somewhere.

Additionally, the video also mentions how the all or nothing mindset is essentially a coping mechanism that was created, simply because someone along the way prevented you from being your authentic self, and instead told you to conform to some arbitrary standards.

Being on the spectrum, this is basically it, as I've had to mask basically all the time (mainly so that I can feel like I'm like everyone else around my age), to the point where it gets exhausting, although it does be hard to tell if I'm genuinely being authentic, or if I'm authentic in the way that the outside world wants me to be like, which explains why my default state of existing is just being tired all the time, simply because I've put on a mask (which now feels like a face) to be somewhat socially acceptable.

How I managed to go from a chatty, confident, adventurous child to a moody (but still somewhat creative) teenager to a psuedo-intellectual know-it-all University student to now being a depressed adult with virtually no personality left is probably based on all of this, where I'm now in what I call "Void Mode", where I feel like a void, where everything has now been sucked dry, and where I'm now at the point of refusing to be perceived, simply because I'm afraid of making mistakes since I know that I'll get criticised and somewhat punished for it, and even if I think that I've done well, I'll still get punished for it (i.e. being a good employee, doing well at my job, but still getting laid off), to the point where I'm now wading through apathy, where it feels like what I do doesn't even matter, but even then, I still have the urge to carry on, since I want to see myself out of this situation, and so that I can rediscover my authentic self, where I don't have to mask up, and where I probably won't have to hide so deep inside the closet either, which probably explains the literal heartache as I've had to straighten myself out and bury my true feelings deep inside of me.

Either way, I'm not sure how to get back to my authentic self (whatever that may be), but to be honest, I think using an alias for social media platforms (where I use a random username and avatar instead of my actual name, although I don't want that alias to get in the way of myself either as it'll be another identity for me, so it's a very fine line to cross) could possibly help me explore myself without anyone from real life knowing (since they'll most likely interfere, especially on the mainstream platforms, and especially if those people happen to be employers), plus maybe using the Metaverse itself could also help, but other than that, I'll probably just rely on good old journalling and snippets of house music for now.

However, getting back to my authentic self is going to be a long road for me, because first of all, I need to be able to meet my needs at the moment, and those involve having a permanent full time job (if anyone will even give me one, especially for the ones where I have everything they're looking for) as this will give me a sense of purpose, as well as making me feel like a productive and functioning member of society, and a driving license would allow me to become more independent as well, since I realise that I need to be somewhat independent at this stage in life before even being allowed to begin to think about the other aspects of being my authentic self.

The one thing I realised is that when I used to go in to the office (or when I was at University), it felt safe to be my authentic self (or some version of it) without the fear of being judged or criticised, and to be honest, that's what I miss: being in my own space (other than my room, as that now feels like a somewhat suffocating cocoon, so in other words, crossing the county lines where I know that I won't encounter any relatives) and just having the freedom to be myself instead of being an externally idealised version of myself.

Overall, masking is extremely exhausting, so I just need some physical space to just be myself, and in times like this, I actually miss living away at University, where it felt like I could actually be an adult about things instead of feeling like an overgrown child that struggles to grow up.