#because I have just absolutely tied myself up in knots about it all

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

[freakyformula]

Brooding season

Summary: Carlos is brooding and wants to impregnate the reader

Writers comment: I'm about to dip myself in holy water hahah byeeee

Warnings: 18+, MDNI, reader is referred to as she/her, smut, breeding kink, daddy kink, manipulation????, google translated spanish, I think that's it?

Word count: 2,3k

"Carlos, look!" Your niece, Ava, yelled at him to come over. She absolutely adored the man, and you couldn't blame her for it.

Carlos insisted on getting her a gift for the occasion, visiting the toy store on the way over to your brother and his family of 3.

Carlos instantly saw the perfect gift as you stepped inside. A shelf full of schleich animals.

Schleich was a toy brand, you'd collected them as a kid yourself and had passed all of them down to Ava, which was a lot. Carlos knew that Ava loved horses and had a dream of becoming an equestrian one day, and based on that he carried a couple of the plastic horses and the biggest toy stable he could find to the checkout.

"Do you think she will like this, corazón?" He asks nervously.

"She better! You're spoiling her rotten." You respond.

"If you think this is spoiling, just wait until we have kids of our own."

"Would you like that?" She asks him, surprised.

"Of course I would.." He starts, "That's my biggest life goal, starting a family with you." He states, giving you a flirtatious smile.

You and Carlos had been dating for 5 years, last year he proposed but you hadn't tied the knot yet. You'd noticed a change in Carlos lately, he was keeping track of your cycle, and was talking about family, kids, and settling down more often. He knew you wanted the same thing. The thing was, he still had his career and you didn't want to be the reason why he retired.

After arriving at her brother's house, Ava greets you with open arms. She gives you the warmest embrace and then runs to Carlos and gives him the same greeting.

"Ava, we have something for you." Carlos says, and opens the trunk and pulls out her present.

Ava audibly gasps and takes the horses in her small hands while Carlos carries the heavy box.

Ava's parents, your brother and sister-in-law, Marcus and Cecilia, come to greet their guests, with the foursome exchanging hugs and kisses.

"You didn't have to." Marcus refers to the toys, making Carlos smile wide.

"It was worth it, she seems to love it." Carlos concludes. They lounge on the terrace for the whole afternoon, eating and drinking and having deep conversations. You count yourself lucky because Carlos gets along with everyone in your family and you don't have to worry about him maddening anyone. You'd consider Carlos as a bit of a people-pleaser.

"Carlos, look!" Ava yelled at him to come over. "Horsie!" She points at the white plastic horse.

"Oh look, how beautiful! Have you named the horses already? You know," He says as he picks one of the toy horses up, "This horse breed is called Andalusian and they come from the same place as me, Spain!" Carlos explains to her.

"I know of Andalusians!" She replies.

He laughs, "I thought you might."

Carlos walks back to the lounge chairs and sits down.

"You're so good with her." Cecilia looks at Carlos and smiles. "Are you planning on extending your family soon? I know you have Piñón and all but I know for a fact, you would make great parents."

You can feel your cheeks redden and Carlos giggles to himself.

"I would love to." Carlos finally admits. The attention is instantly on you. Shit, how was she getting out of this awkward situation?

"It's because of Carlos career, right, babe?" You ask him and you earn a nod for an answer. You can't help but notice Carlos looking down with a frown.

"Fair enough." The duo sitting across from you shrugs.

As the day comes to an end, they say their goodbyes to the trio and wave them off as they walk to their car. Carlos holds you close and his hand slips down to your buttock, giving it a gentle squeeze.

And as you enter the car, you both sit quietly and collect your thoughts.

"Ava is such a good kid." You say, intending for it to remain a thought but you happened to say it out loud.

"She truly is. But I think ours would be another class altogether. They would have the coolest, kindest, most beautiful mother in the whole world."

"And the most loving, smart, and dedicated father in the world." She finishes.

You can see the fire in his eyes as you say that.

"We're going home, now." He says with a strained tone.

After a while, you notice the bulge in his pants and decide to help him out. You bend over to his side and open this zipper to his shorts. As his length springs out you can't help but give his tip a teasing lick, and as you do, you can feel his dick twitching.

"Shit, I'm close already." Carlos blurts out.

You couldn't care less and take the head of his shaft into your mouth, starting to bob your head up and down. He lets out a moan, clearly enjoying himself. As you go deeper, you feel his dick twitching again, making him grab your hair and pull you off him.

"Tonight, I want to cum in you." Carlos says, as he tucks himself in again. He's caressing her hand, which is so typical of Carlos, he always cared for you and treated you like his queen.

The car ride back to your shared apartment feels longer on the way back than on the way to your brothers. You were just as turned on as he was. You still felt a little bit unsure about the subject you'd touched on earlier, afraid of what it could result in, expecting the worst.

As you drive into the parking hall, you walk out and turn around, met by Carlos. You can feel his breath on your face, standing only a couple of inches apart. He creeps closer and steals a light kiss. All of a sudden, he picks you up into his strong, muscular arms and carries you to the elevator. When you and he reach the elevator, he lets you down and turns you around to face the mirror.

He's standing behind you, placing kisses behind your ear, along your neck and across your collarbone. His hands are frantically exploring your body throughout with a certain urgency. He begins to knead your breasts once he reaches them.

"Oh god…" You moan.

"God can't help you now, bebé baby… I want you so bad, you have no idea." He whispers.

As you hear the ping, indicating that you've reached the right floor, Carlos once again picks you up and carries you to the apartment door with ease. When you get inside, your hands are all over each other. But it's as if you've made a silent agreement, you don't rush, you take your time with each other.

"Can I take this off?" He asks, looking at the shirt you're wearing.

"Please, Carlos." And that was all he needed to hear. He unbuttons your shirt and pulls it off. You pull his tee off in response, moving your hands lower, unbuckling his belt.

As you're about to reach for the button of his shorts he pulls you over his shoulder and carries his fiancé upstairs to their bedroom and throws you onto the bed. As you sees his bulge her mouth starts to water. You need him right now.

He walks up to the bed and hovers over you, "Are you okay with this?" He asks while unbuttoning your pants.

"Please, Carlos, just take me already."

Carlos smiles at your reply, "So greedy… You have to learn to be patient."

He wiggles her pants down, leaving the panties on for now.

"C'mere, kiss me, Carlos." You say as you pull on his neck.

He strokes your bottom lip with his thumb, looking at you with so much lust in his eyes. "So beautiful, mi cariño my love."

He gives in and gives you a wet kiss, quickly deepening the kiss.

He rolls you over, with you now sitting on his hips. He gives you a questioning look as he drags the bra straps down from your shoulders, and when you give him a nod he unbuckles it.

"Oh my god, mi amor my love. You're perfect", he breathes out as he starts to suck his way from your neck to your bare chest.

The feeling drives you crazy and you sit up with him following along.

The feeling of his erection against you is ecstatic, and you just can't help grinding against him for some relief.

He takes your nipple into his mouth and starts sucking as he's playing with the other one.

Soon, grinding him isn't enough for either of them and you get off and help him drag his shorts down, pulling his boxers off too. As his length comes into view, you look at him for permission and take him into your hands, stroking him agonizingly slow, earning a moan from him.

"Please, Y/N." Carlos whispers.

"What do you need?" You ask.

"You."

And with that, his attitude changes, as if he's awakened. He pulls you down, helping you onto your back. He looks at you in awe, as you stretch out your body teasingly.

"Pull your knees up, Y/N." He says as he places himself at the end of the bed.

You obey. "And then, spread your legs for me." A whim of uncertainty suddenly startles you. Carlos sees it and hovers over you quickly.

"You're doing so good for me, mi amor my love. You're the most exquisite woman I've ever seen, don't be scared." He reassures you.

And with that, he slowly slides his hands up your legs to your knees, and down to the insides of your thighs. He gives your thighs a bit of pressure and with that, your legs part.

"Good girl." He whispers in your ear as he leans down, kissing your face languidly.

"Can I take these off?" He asks, pointing to her panties.

"Yes… please." You moan out.

He slides them down and moans out at the sight of you laid bare before him.

You grab his hand and steer him to your core.

"Jesus christ… Mi corazón My heart, you're dripping." He says as he touches your aching pussy. Moving up to your clit, he starts to work it. Meanwhile, he bends down and gives you kisses all the way down to your tummy, where he stops.

"Dios mío My goodness, I can't wait to see your belly swell with my babies." You moan at his words, having a hard time keeping your hips still for him.

He continues his journey down to your core, giving your clit a light kiss as he moves his fingers down your drenched slit. He slides a finger in, letting you adjust. And then he adds a second, and third finger, stretching you out for him. As if that wasn't enough, he places his mouth on your clit, eating you out like a starved man. You moan loudly at the feeling of his fingers curling, and mouth being on you, feeling yourself getting close.

"I'm cumming!" You say with a strained voice as you press your core further into his face.

As you come down from your high, Carlos is busy pumping his cock, deeming you ready for him.

While waiting for you to give him permission to enter you, he strokes your belly, imagining you with his kids. He couldn't imagine a better person to be the mother of his babies.

"May I?" Carlos asks.

"Yes, but please, take it slow." You reply.

Carlos nods, gives your lips a peck and guides his cock to your heat. Slowly, he enters you, watching your wretched face.

This was agony for you, even when he slightly pulled back and continued his journey inside you.

"You okay?" He asks you with a worried face.

"Yes, Carlos, I'm just… I'm okay."

Soon you feel the pain subside, and you start relaxing and opening yourself up, allowing Carlos more space to penetrate.

Carlos bottoms out within you and both of you let out a broken moan. He set a slow rhythm at first, taking your legs and placing them on his shoulders, hitting the right spot.

"Does that feel nice?" He asks as you hyperventilate.

You're too overwhelmed to give a proper answer, so you just moan and nod.

He starts ravaging you, setting an unforgiving pace, reaching unbelievably far inside.

As you scream out the second orgasm for the night, Carlos slows down to catch a breath.

"Turn around on all fours." Carlos orders, helping you into position. He slams into your heat, taking you by surprise.

"Fuck!" You moan.

Carlos keeps slamming into you, feeling himself get close. He takes your hand and guides it to the lower part of your belly and presses on it slightly.

"Do you feel that? That's me fucking you." He says as you feel him pumping into you.

"Mmmyeah.." Is the only thing you're able to let out.

"I'm close, do you want my cum?" He asks as you nod desperately.

"Please, please, please. Cum in me, I want your cum. Please." You answer rather politely.

"How can I say no to that" Carlos replies and flips you over to your back again.

You wrap your legs around his waist as he guides himself back in. He gives you a few more thrusts before he spills inside you, filling you up with his thick white cream.

"Ohhhh my god!" He yells, surely making the neighbours pissed.

As you both come down, you rub his back soothingly.

"How many times do you think we will have to do this?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Hopefully more than once." You chuckle. "Thank you for this."

"No, Y/N. Thank you, for everything. For following me everywhere, for sticking with me even if I'm messed up, for cheering me up, for hopefully making me a father."

He watches some of his cum leak out of you, stuffing it inside again to not spill anything.

After a few minutes, he appears with a wet towel in hand, helping you clean up.

You spend the night in bed, eating pizza, playing cards, and watching TV. An evening just to your taste.

[galedekarios]

hearing about gale from tara is always such a treat because she's known him for so, so long, ever since he was just a boy and has watched him grow into who he is now:

Player: Excruciatingly awkward. On my side, at least. Tara the Tressym: Don't be too hard on yourself, sir. You've been like that all your life.

Player: It's very unsettling how you can tell what I've been up to just by looking at me... Tara the Tressym: Tressyms are exceptionally intuitive. And also, you wear your emotions like a very garish cravat.

Tara the Tressym: If that's all, then what comes after is for you to decide, Mr Dekarios. Think well on all that's happened, and stay true to that heart of yours. It's a good one.

which also sort of ties into this:

Player: I'd never want to lose you, Tara. I'll return the Crown to Mystra. Tara the Tressym: There's a good humanoid. You had me scared for a moment here. But you're wise - and wiser all the time. 

Player: That's just my boyish charm. Tara the Tressym: Boyish charm and knees that creak like rusted hinges! Quite the combination.

Player: I'm honestly not sure. But don't worry - it's nothing I can't handle. Tara the Tressym: Very tough.

Player: Must be the beard. Tara the Tressym: Don't be silly. What is it really?

she's absolutely not averse to teasing him. however, it's never cruel and always light-hearted, just like she's not afraid to call him out on evading questions or making him reflect on the choices he takes if she does disagree with him. it really speaks of how long they have been at each other's side.

Tara the Tressym: Mr Dekarios. Gale. You are the finest mind - the finest wizard - I have ever had the pleasure to know. If anyone can beat this thing, it is you. When you tried to control the Weave - when it all went, pardon my language, belly up - I was terrified. Scared you'd be hurt. Scared Mystra would punish you for your transgression. But do you know what never crossed my mind? That you wouldn't figure a way out of it. My clever friend never leaves a knot knotted. This parasite is one more knot, so get to tugging threads. And - Mr Dekarios - please. The beard. I'd cut it down myself if I could hold a razor.

so from tara's pov, gale's always been awkward and obvious with his emotions.

she's convinced he has a genuinely good heart, one that she hopes he'll stay true to.

tara thinks he's wise, and growing wiser (condition: gale rejects to take the crown for himself).

she also thinks he's clever and brilliant.

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes✦

(Bros I'm so sorry, I've had the biggest fucking writer's block. I'm hoping some silly lil meme posts will make up for it until I can write something substantial, I'msosorry-)

Y/N: Some of us, I don’t wanna name names, give me a headache when they speak and its- Soap: Is it me?? Y/N: No. Graves: Is it me? Y/N: …it’s not Soap- --

Price: I’m gonna make you a soup. Gaz, delirious with the flu: I don’t wanna be a soup, Captain… Price: …right, how about I give you soup instead? Gaz: That’d be nicer. Price: Right. --

Soap: What the fuck knuckles is this? Valeria: *holding her hyper femme gf in her lap* She’s my girlfriend you intolerant shit. Soap: Whoa! Pump the hate brakes Fox & friends. I’m just surprised anyone would date you. Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. Y/N, on Valeria’s lap: You know that cartoon? Soap: No comment. Ghost: No, I think you should comment more, Johnny. Soap: NO. COMMENT. Moving on! Gaz: We’re gonna circle back to that. --

Graves: I think the term you’re searching for is ‘current captain’. Ghost: The words I’m searching for, I can’t say. Because there’s a rookie *motions to Soap* present. Soap: No no, say it. I can handle it. Ghost: You sure? Soap: Absolutely, L.T. Ghost: *looks at Graves* Fucking donkey lookin’ muppet bitch. Soap: Brutal blow, sir. Well done. --

Y/N: *comes in* Hey, Gaz, how old is your captain? Gaz: What? Y/N: No not like that…it is, it is like that. How old is he? I came into base, he asked if I needed anything to eat. I said ‘eat what’? Gaz: Okay, first of all, put my plate down and stop hitting on my captain! Y/N: Don’t get mad at me! I don’t even wanna be here. Y’all the ones that want me to be here. --

NPC: Ohhh if I weren’t a lady, I’d deck you! Fem!Y/N: Oh please. Try it and I’d have you on your back so fast you’d think you’re on a date. Ghost: *spits tea* Price, covered in tea: That was so unnecessary- --

Ghost: Mmph. Y/N: Dark room, avoidant, you seem tired despite sleeping for awhile…you wanna try and get out in the sun or do you just need to be in the sadness dungeon? Ghost: *holds up two fingers* Y/N: Would you like some tea for the sadness dungeon? Ghost: …Mhm. Y/N: Tea for the sad dragon coming up! Ghost: Mmph. (Aka “thank you”) Y/N: No problem! --

Y/N: Ya know sometimes there’s times in life where you just have to sit back and go, “ya know what? I’m proud of myself.” Gaz: Is this one of those times? Y/N: No- Soap: *wheeze* --

(Shibari reference)

Price: …alright, when I said we needed to restrain him in a way that ensured he couldn’t get out. This is not- Gaz: These are not military knots. Y/N: No, they aren’t. You all suggested knots that he would know how to get out of. You told me to get rid of that possibility. So, I did. Soap: He is tied…to the ceiling. Ghost: You kinky bitch. Y/N: *shrug* Price: Where did you even learn this? Y/N: That is for me and my daddy issues to know, sir. Don’t worry about it. Just wake him up so we can start interrogating him.

-

Graves: We can rule the world! Ghost: *turns to leave* Graves:: *watches him pull out something of Y/N’s* Graves: WH-YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FUCK MY WIFE Graves: GHOST. G H O S T Ghost: *leaves* --

Graves: Let me log into Twitter- WAIT, IS THAT GHOST’S DICK!?! Ghost: I fucked your wife. Graves: AGGHHHHHH- --

Medic!Y/N: Don’t torture yourself Ghost. *snips bandage* Medic!Y/N: That’s my job.~ Ghost, internally: Stayfocusedwecannot- --

Price: We’re you listening to me at all? Y/N: No I was fantasizing about beard burn. Price: Pardon? Y/N: Huh? --

Ghost: He died of natural causes. Gaz: You pushed him off the roof. Ghost: Gravity is natural. --

Y/N: Nuh Uh, no. I’m not doing it. I have self respect, and I will not stoop so low as to- Gaz: *brings out 100£.* Y/N: -oooooo*takes money* I’ll have it done in an hour. --

Soap, looking at Konig: That man is a tree. Y/N: Then I'm a fucking squirrel. Soap: On the hunt for nuts then? Y/N: Famished for them. Ghost: Why do I sit with you two...

[adolin]

top 5 royjamie / ted lasso fics!

picking 5 was like pulling teeth. I probably left out many faves but as we know the economy is tough rn

let it come down by @antspaul, amazing showstopping exceptional 1970s AU that is SO immersive and SO bittersweet and I need to go lie down just thinking about it.

One cold Manchester night in 1978, good-for-nothing Jamie Tartt comes across his childhood hero at a punk show.

the rookie by @belmottetower & @scoatneyhall. I'm being soo brave and limiting myself to only one Bel&Hall fic and I pick this one because of the untapped endless potential of S2 AUs! This is Roy & Jamie with background Roy/Keeley and I enjoy the dynamic A Lot

“Well now, back home, our friends in the NHL have this little tradition that I think might just be the solution to our problems. Sometimes, when a rookie is signed to a team, especially a younger player, someone who maybe needs a guiding hand, a bit of looking out for, they’ll move in with the captain, right into his home, when they first start out. Obviously Jamie isn’t new new, but he definitely needs a guiding hand. So how about it?” Roy stares in disbelief. “Fuck off. This is a joke, right?” (Roy and Jamie move in together)

Roy Kent's Dramatic but Inevitable Jamie Tartt Induced Bisexual Awakening by chelicerata. There's no description I can offer that will make this fic justice. Go read it!

When Roy’s world gets turned upside down, it’s because of Jamie. Fucking typical.

therefore, dark past, by @mykingdomforapen Gen! Jamie-cenytric. THEEE definitive Jamie & his dad fic (written pre S3), to me. It's so multifaceted and human and I love the ending very much.

“Christ, Jamie, he’s dying,” Dad said. His voice did something weird–it hitched. “What, you’re gonna pencil him in your busy celebrity schedule? Squeeze your own granddad in between your ickle interviews and your fancy dinner dates? My old man is fucking dying.” OR: Jamie breaks the cycle.

tied up in this yoga knot by @reinvent-and-believe. This is a 5 times / slice of life / getting together post-canon fic and it's guaranteed to improve my mood every time I read it.

The absolute worst person Roy can imagine meeting the yoga mums is Jamie Tartt. Not to mention, Jamie would inevitably pick up on how many hours Roy spent drinking rosé and glaring daggers as Jamie fucked his way through the cast of Lust Conquers All. And that sounds fucking exhausting.

[forestmossling]

the last few days have been full of absolutely stunning works i’m still gearing up to share with you guys, but i’m gonna start here.

i love this so so much. first of all - LET STEVE AND EDDIE GROW OLD TOGETHER AGENDA!!! i was just incredibly happy to see them in their thirties, more or less settled in their lives, matured and distanced from the adrenaline rush of the upside down. and i really love how they finally meet each other, where they work, all of it.

i love how the relationships in this fic (even besides steddie) are so deep and caring while simultaneously being somewhat awkward and complicated at times. i love how steve and robin interact, i love how steve and dustin interact: obviously loving each other to bits, but with some rough stumbling to it sometimes, the way they relationships morphed and adjusted with them not living in each others’ back pockets anymore, but, fundamentally, stayed the same. i, unfortunately, struggle to write relationships this way: i use writing (and reading, duh) primarily for escapism, so i always want to give my characters the easy and perfect relationship i myself crave, because god knows i have a lot of deeply meaningful but messy and complicated stuff going on in my own life. but boy do i love to see authors who can pull it off so well.

and this was pulled off exceptionally well in case of steddie here. i adore everything about the way steddie’s relationship started and progressed here. i love the mundanity of it all, the way they found each other and connected in this little snippets of everyday routine before anything else came along. i love the way it seems like they really were destined to end up together, with their matching scars and past, with always searching for things in past partners that only they could give to each other, but that doesn’t mean it has to be some grandiose out-of-this-world thing to be meaningful and special.

i also really love both steve’s and eddie’s characterizations in this fic, their past experiences growing up, their outlook on relationships, themselves and each other, their priorities and grievances and feelings. i can so easily imagine them growing up to fit into this picture the author created and it makes me feel all sorts of things.

i would like to express my deepest gratitude to @emryses for creating this beautiful story, it tied me up in all sorts of knots but then untied me out of them better and more settled than before. i REALLY loved this and i think y’all would love it too, so am recommending, 983624538449576675829126599479/10.

[violsva]

November Reading

Post delayed by a vacation and then PMS. More thoughts than usual, though.

Recent: Finally finished My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, but fast enough that things did not really sink in, or not all at once. It was good, interesting cultural differences and similarities, probably won't read the sequels.

Reread Steadfast, by Mercedes Lackey. This is not a good book, people. I knew that when I started it. In terms of pacing and plotting and unnecessary digressions and historical accuracy and giving agency to characters it is very very badly done. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Which is maybe what I need, given how much I get tied into knots about the free fanfic I write for fun needing its theme to be supported by a coherent narrative arc.

I read some of T. Kingfisher's commentary on fairy tales in The Halcyon Fairy Book and most of Lace Making by Eunice Close (published by a tiny Canadian press in 1975, don't go looking for it). I tried to reread The Bacchae for catharsis purposes, but it was a not-great Victorian translation and I didn't get very far. I did find out that Alan Cumming played Dionysus twenty or so years ago and the trailer for that is on Youtube.

Read A Phantom Lover by Vernon Lee, which was good for what it was but I did have to force myself to it. On the drive with @consultingpiskies I finally managed to articulate that I am just not up to unfamiliar fiction right now, and maybe that's okay.

I read all of May Morris: Arts & Crafts Designer at the library, which is the book of an exhibition of her work and was absolutely gorgeous and also gave me feelings about her relationship with her father, so that was great. And on the theme of the English Arts and Crafts movement, English Embroidered Bookbindings by Cyril Davenport, which might have been improved with more practical knowledge of embroidery but was generally good.

Also read Meet Me on the Other Side by @sparklepocalypse, RWRB 1890s cowboy AU. I could be nitpicky about a couple historical attitudes but basically this is just a really good romance novel and I liked it.

Current: Rereading Swordheart by @tkingfisher, and I really want to know more about the Temple of the White Rat's embroiderer(s). Like, maybe Zale does their own embroidery, but in that case I would have expected them to take a project along for the wagon ride. For a while I was carrying this around with me everywhere, but now that I am getting to the climax things are going more slowly.

Just gave 3/5 of my library books back unstarted due to the fiction realization above. I have two digital craft books to flip through, and also some from the Antique Pattern Library, and Chats on Old Lace and Needlework by Mrs. Lowes. Look, basically what I want to do right now is get overwhelmingly caught up in craft projects and never talk to anyone ever again. I won't, because there is Christmas shopping to do and people I am trying to make friends with and so forth, but that's probably where my head's going to be all month.

Various RWRB fanfics going on still. Oh, and there's been more Madame C—. Thank god for Madame C—.

Future: I still have The Dire Days of Willowweep Manor by Shaenon K. Garrity and Christopher Baldwin out from the library, which really does seem fun but I don't know if I have the brain for it. I would also like to get through more of my AO3 Marked for Later list before Yuletide adds a bunch to it, but, well. (I didn't sign up for Yuletide this year, not because I didn't think I could manage it but because I suspected I would hate the process, and that was a good decision.)

If all else fails I will relisten to the Roaring Twenties Magic audiobooks while sewing.

[pettyprocrastination]

Abby x reader head canons?

I will say may not be the best representation for her character because I've only watched (many) play troughs and not played the game yet cause I no longer have my play station :( but I am absolutely horrendously down bad for her ngl so here we go (also abby is closeted wlw in this sorry guys)

warnings: repressed sapphic feelings, gets a little sexual at the ending but nothing major, jealousy, mostly just fluff here cause im easing myself into her character

I feel like she's not particularly into pda? not anything egregious but she'll have an arm around you is enough, maybe a hand in the back pocket to give you a lil bum squeeze but even that's pushing it. She doesn't want to be obnoxious like *those* couples (she does actually) but she wants people to know your hers.

connecting to this I feel like she gets jealous pretty easily. Not from a place of seeing you as property but from her own insecurities and worrying that you'll find somebody "better" which means sometimes she'll give a snide little comment when you've been hanging out with somebody else that makes you pull back and go "excuse me?" often leading to her either talking herself into a corner or going silent and passive aggressive until your able to pull the truth out of her, often times after the anger has fizzled out hours later and she slips into your room with a soft mumbled apology when you tell you that you love her and only her but that doesn't mean she gets to be an asshole to you for it. (she makes it up to you though. all night long in fact)

braid her hair. please braid her hair. It's a small sign of love that makes her go absolutely crazy. The feeling of your nails gently scritching her scalp has her stretching out like a cat in a sunbeam on a lazy sunday afternoon. She'll set her head in your lap while you undo the braid and run your fingers through her soft locks until she slowly drifts off to sleep because she just feels so at peace with you that she's comfortable letting her guard down and falling asleep

even if you have very short hair, you probably end up wearing one of her hair ties on your wrists because she tends to lose them + its a little part of her to keep by your side :') (i will say its interesting that in the show, it seems like ellie keeps her hair tied back with a hairtie that seems to have been cut, so she has to wrap it around and then tie a knot which makes sense because i'd gather that elastic isn't that easy to come across post apocalypse yknow. I think it'd be cute if you like. found a scrunchie or smthn for her that even though its not her style she's still wear it cause its a gift from you :'))

that being said? i imagine after everything she's been through she's a pretty light/paranoid sleeper so if you slip from the bed for any reason be ready to see her padding after you, squinted eyes and grumbling with sleep still in her voice as she mumbles 'where you goin'?' because babygirl woke up without you by her side and it caused her to panic :(

confident in her body. She's worked hard on her physique and she knows you enjoy it, so don't be surprised to see her not-so-subtlety flex if she catches you eyeing her up. You'll roll your eyes at her peacocking but it doesn't stop that lovesick smile from growing on your face that makes her feel all giddy. Bunch of goofballs in love right here <3

idk why but she gives me a bit closeted energy growing up. I feel like she probably got plenty of shit for being a tomboy and she gives me the energy of those girls who are like "women can be masculine and straight you know >:(" but so incredibly gay lmao (knew countless gals like this god bless them all) but yeah she'll huff and puff because just because she's not girly doesn't mean she's gay but also likes it when you sleep in her bed and you guys tell stories and fall asleep in eachothers arms, sometimes she'll stay awake so she can watch how peaceful you are and maybe maybe think about kissing you and how soft your body would feel in her hands and the little noises you'd make and that makes her feel something owen never did. but yknow. she's still super straight

[cannibalovers]

since some ppl did say yes, buckle up for a VERY long analysis because this song and "want" + a few others are some of my ultimate hannibal songs.

Hannibal song of the day: song no.1

a bit about the song:

"Missing Piece" (released in 1997) is a song by Recoil, a music project by Alan Wilder (former member of Depeche Mode, a group which I absolutely love and have a lot of their songs in my playlist). The song was written and sang as a duo by Alan Wilder and Siobhan Lynch. It's a moody and dark electronica song with jazzy elements and even a violin solo In short, the song is about self discovery and enlightement that a relationship has brought to the narrator, who has felt alone and misunderstood their whole life until they met the person who was their "missing piece". It explores the complex emotions and realisations that arose from the relationship(whether the relationship ended or not isn't really implied, at least in my eyes, although for my view on the song when it comes to hannibal, i think it might have).

now, i think from that it's already clear enough that I'm thinking about hannigram for this. I mean c'mon, a narrator that felt misunderstood and has been afraid to fully opening up to anybody, because of it's risks, even though they have so much love to give. That's literally Hannibal.

Although I feel like the narrator can also be Will but with how open and desparate the narrator seems, I keep thinking of Hannibal.

------------------------------

Verse 1

"I wanna write myself

On the walls of your heart

Because the knot that holds us

Altogether throws us all apart

I'm gonna stop myself

Before I say something true

Because the answers

That roll from my tongue

Are nothing to do with you"

Hannibal loves to impact people (literally manipulates them), even though it doesn't last (usually).

Through the show, we can see just how many people he actually changed, changing their mindsets, convincing them to murder etc. that's more leaving an impact on their brain, but with Will, he's different. He indeed does change his mindset but he also really tries to get a place in Will's heart and get his attention because, as he confessed to Bedelia, Will intrigues him. I think the lyrics of the narrator wanting to write themselves on the walls of somebody's heart and leave an impact on them is just so incredibly hannibal.

But again, those people don't last usually, they usually end up dead, be it as Hannibal's dinner or something else. He knows this danger, and he knows this complicated knot of manipulation and lies he tied himself and Will with will most likely break off at some point, which he slowly comes to realise he doesn't want it to happen. (and then fucking mizumono happens)

In the song, the narrator hides the truth, most likely because of the fear of rejection, fearing the person doesn't feel the same, or because of the fear of losing the person. In season 2, his decision was to continue lying, not confessing the truth of his plan to Will, in my eyes to try and secure him in his hold, get his trust and love, see if Will would truly understand him and accept him for who he is - so, he stops himself from telling Will the truth, pretending his plan, his answers have nothing to do with his love for Will, but instead pretend that his plan is to destroy Will's life, leaving out the part where he's hoping Will would want to try and rebuild his life with Hannibal.

------------------------------

Chorus

"(And) I hold a piece up to the light

Hold a piece up to my eye

Found a missing piece from my set

Found a person I'd not met (x2)

Sometimes is a lonely place (x5)"

self explanatory. There's so little to say, because the lyrics describe it so well, yet at the same time there's SO much to say.

The chorus is sung as a duo, both the narrator and the narrator's person. They both feel like they're the same and are each other's missing pieces, harmonising together.

I truly thing the best way to describe hannigram's relationship is by saying that they're each other's missing pieces. Hannibal seems to be a well-organized set of his pieces that make up him as well as a set of other people that he manipulated kind of as a list (maybe some as trophies). He's so composed, he's sure of his values and knows who he is, he's fully in control yet still felt incomplete, so he has spent his whole life finding that last missing piece (perhaps another meaning for missing, maybe he already had one and lost it, the missing piece being his sister........ ouch, although can't give much thought to this cuz haven't seen season 3 yet), a person who will be just like him and will complete him, not judge him, see him, accept him and be with him. That piece is Will.

He holds him up to the light, analyses him, studies him, gets to know him to determine if he is indeed the missing piece (in the show, he does his usual tactic of manipulating with the intention of making him his dinner but the more he got to know him, the more intrigued he got and saw a possibility of Will understanding him), and he indeed is his missing piece.

The fact that the narrator's person only sings during the chorus makes me think of how Hannibal made Will realise that he is Hannibal's missing piece and that although Will didn't really want it to be true, Hannibal helped him realise that Hannibal is Will's missing piece too - That's why I see the narrator as Hannibal and narrator's person as Will. He seems to be the second to realise this and accept this.

"Sometimes is a lonely place" is straightforward, I think. The two literally admit and show that they feel alone without each other, they have never felt so true to themselves as they feel when they're together, a room or a moment in life without one another is empty, a period without each other is a period they feel the most lonely.

------------------------------

Verse 2

"So tow me over to the light

The sound, the sound it is in sight

Found my heart was contained within a cell

Found my heart in this tuck-a-way-me world"

ngl, verse 2 and chorus are quite similar in meaning to me. Maybe it's more so Hannibal letting Will study him as well and get to know him, letting Will tow him over to the light (let Will inside his mind). I feel like the lyrics about the narrator's heart being contained in a cell is maybe Hannibal becoming more and more aware of how restrictive he was with his emotions, how his human suit made him lock away his real heart and after many tries of trying to find the right key, Will finally found it and unlocked Hannibal's true self to the world. Overall, I feel like Hannibal feels the world is very restrictive for his type of people but he has found a way to live with it and accept it, although the desire to find a person like him never disappeared

------------------------------

Coda

"Sometimes I held the missing piece

I held the missing piece

I held sometimes

I held the missing piece

I held..."

the end seems very lamentful to me. Sorry but it reminds me of mizumono

the end is overall so beautiful, I love how dark, slow yet jazzy and classy the song sounds, the coda just sounds like absolute heaven to me and its instrumental reminds me of the show overall so so much

but anyhow, the lyrics getting repeated, the moody, whiny tone the narrator sings it in combined with the reverb and minor key just immediately makes me think that the narrator lost their missing piece, reminiscing the times they had with them. Because of that, I immediately think of Mizumono and how distraught Hannibal was when he realised that Will betrayed him, letting Will see him just for Will to try and get him killed, even though he had a plan of giving back Will everything that he lost and everything that was precious to him. The whole song sounding quite blurry makes me think of how much emptiness Hannibal probably felt after the events in mizumono, how much of a blur everything was to him.

in conclusion, the song is literally so hannibal lecter coded to me

------------------------------

additional notes: i already mentioned this song on my previous blog actually, together with "want" cuz together theyre AMAZING, i see want more from Wills perspective, i'll do that one tmr

could be lacking a little bit cuz i havent seen season 3 yet, maybe after it ill have some more thoughts but wont add them, i leave it at that

------------------------------

my playlist

to anybody who read this, thank you and hope you enjoyed my rant<3

[aihoshiino]

This made me go and read the Da Vinci interview again and I still wonder what she meant by "It's a secret" when asked if she wants to marry someone…is this like the whole book situation thing again, girl what do you mean I want to know 😭 I'm slowly turning into Nino no way...

ONCE YOU START DIGGING, SHE JUST LIVES IN YOUR BRAIN FOREVER 😭

Given that the Da Vinci interview is (in universe) given a couple of years after her livestream in 45510, my guess is that it's basically the same answer that she gives there:

"'Any plans on getting married someday?' Um, probably not? [...] I don't really get it, to be honest. I can't picture myself getting married. I mean, you guys might be like 'Ai, let's tie the knot,' but how serious would you be, you know? I mean, if you love someone, I get wanting to be with them, but what's marriage all about? Is it just like a way to show your love? Is it about being together all the time? Or is it about being together forever, maybe? I guess if it's something like that, I can kinda wrap my head around it." [...] "Love is all about trust, isn't it? They call it... 'recipricity', I think? Like, if someone showed me they love me, I'd feel the same way about them. But, I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat. It's tough for me to really believe in words like 'love' and 'like.' I've never actually fallen in love with someone before, so I'm not even sure what it means, you know?"

As for why she didn't give this answer again... who knows! Nino says in 45510 that in livestreams, you tend to just pour out your honest feelings compared to other types of interviews, so it's possible she was more in 'job mode' during the Da Vinci interview.

I also think her description of "true love" in the Q&A ties into it. She describes love as (paraphrasing) being able to be the 'genius' idol without having to lie about any of it, and we know from Ai's own perspective that up to the final moments of her life she was doing her absolute best to love her fans. So it's possible that her "tee hee it's a secret!" is a way of avoiding questions she knows she can't answer honestly or it'll ruin the illusion - but she doesn't want to directly make up a lie, because that isn't the sort of love she wants to give her fans. So she avoids the question instead.

[unadulteratedkr]

2, 18, 19, 46 and a wildcard for you too for the fic writer game 💗

eeee thank you for coming into my inbox and playing with me, Ida 🥰🥰🥰

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Oh, I absolutely have to outline before I write. Pantsless writers, you terrify me (affectionate). It's not anything very formal, like I'm not doing bullet lists, it's much more stream of consciousness mixed in with me congratulating me on good ideas that get me out of problems I create for myself. It's very chaotic 😂 See below, part of my outline for I am tired, I am yours, where I outright ask myself for help

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

It varies! If I'm writing a sequel to something, I'll often have the title picked out before I finish the piece just to keep it thematically tied to the first one. In my Vianton fics, they're all named from Brandi Carlile songs (listen, she's the first person to admit her love songs are fucked up and it fits the Big emotions of a vampire and a werewolf okay I don't make the rules), and the sequel to my actual!KrakenEd fic was pulled from a poem I used a lot as inspiration for the first fic. Sometimes titles come to me in the middle of a piece, sometimes I'm ready to publish and going ".... oh right. Title. For the fic. The fic's title. The title to go on the fic."

I usually pull from poetry or songs for fic titles, but I have some delightful notable exceptions:

-sin is sacred again is titled from the marketing copy from Kraken Rum. No really. I'm not bullshitting you. Go look.

EDIT: OKAY APPARENTLY SOME COWARD TOOK DOWN THE PART I USED AS INSPIRATION BECAUSE THE MONSTERFUCKER VIBES WERE CLEAR BUT LUCKILY I HAVE SCREENSHOTS

-it's not something I can share yet here, but I also wrote a nsfw digital tie-in piece for the Tying the Knot zine titled "The 'I Duoy' Newlywed Special", which has that title solely because I wanted to capitalize on the fucking AMAZING name @jackuntiljune came up with for Archie's shotgun wedding boat

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

This made me laugh so much because @poorlyformed will be SO proud to hear that there's a TIE between "reunions" and "rimming" in my collection.

46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

Ooooo, definitely emotion-driven, but rooted in the characters? Like, I want my writing to evoke emotions, and I write from a very personal place and put a lot of my own heart into my writing, but I also try really hard to make sure that it's rooted in the characters.

Very much how I approach any characters I've ever played too, I think. Like, I bring my own knowledge of the world and of feelings to any part I play, but at the end of the day.... I am NOT a water spirit or an owl or a grad student, and I need to find that character's truth and imagine outside of it, and I try to do that with fic as well. I want to bring what I find compelling to Ed or Stede, but I want to translate it through their characters to make it authentic and fulfilling to THEM.

And for my wild-card, I'm gonna pick, drumroll please [appropriate length drumroll]

#77: Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [insert fic here]?

Because I want to talk about my Stardust AU, Between the Sand and Stardust, which miiiight be my favorite thing I've written?

My favorite scene, bar NONE, was the scene where Stede got transformed into a mouse. One, mouse Stede is literally perfect, Stede as a tiny little dormouse gives me so much joy, but TWO, it's when Ed admits he loves Stede for the first time and it's so ACHINGLY TENDER because he thinks Stede can't understand him so he lets himself be a little more honest about it and ALSO I love it because Stede immediately post-transformation is a dolt and I'm in love with him:

get to know your fic writer!

[marblesphere]

Summer Time (Gojo Satoru x Reader)

!!Warning!! Couple flirting with each other, established relationships, flirty gojo, a little spicy in the end

“It's the sea!!!!” Yoru yelled excitedly as we arrived at our destination, a 2 hours bus ride from Tokyo. “The smell of the sea is amazing!!!” She took a deep and large breath.

So, Yoru invited Yae, Tori and me when her friends in the same department were saying wanted to go to the beach to pick up some hotties. Yae and I are going to be the baits. We were told about this right after we arrived at the beach. They even went as far as preparing our swimsuits and everything we might need during our time on the beach. Truly terrifying.

So, now the seven of us, which is the usual four plus three of Tori’s friends, named Kaitani Makoto, Sato Yuzu, and Niwa Sera, are now in the restroom, changing into swimsuits.

“What do you think when choosing this?” I gave Yoru noogies. The swimsuit they had chosen for me is a one-piece swimsuit that is somewhat normal looking from the front. It does cover up for most of the part, but the back is absolutely bare, it doesn't even completely cover the rear, it’s all strings. There's no way I will wear this outside.

“Eh? But this suit you well.” Yoru pouted.

“Indeed. Enough sexiness and coolness.” Yae snapped some pictures. “Show some boldness.”

“Delete that.” I deadpanned at Yae. “And if you want to show some boldness, you try this.” I glared.

“My swimsuit is just fine as it is. And Suguru-san will get angry if I wear too daring of a swimsuit.” She replied easily. Yae is wearing a two pieces white bandeau bikini with skirted bottom in the same colour.

“I am going home.” I re-entered the restroom.

“No no no. There is a spare swimsuit. I will get it for you.” Yoru quickly said.

“It's better a normal one or I am leaving.”

“Roger!” Yoru saluted and then quickly searched for the said swimsuit. In the end, she came with a normal two pieces bikini in black colour. The top is tied in a thick knot on the front, while the bottom is also tied in a thick knot only on the left side. Again, Yae is taking pictures the moment I came out.

“Yae, stop taking the pic.” I groaned.

“How is this?” Yoru smiled.

“At least better than what I wore just now.” I sighed. After the whole thing had been sorted, we went back to our claimed spot. A nice big parasol and beach carpet have been laid up.

“Sea!!!! Here I come!!!” Yoru literally ran to the sea, giggling when the sea wave came crashing into her.

“Sorry.” Tori apologized.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because we sort of forcing you to come with us?” She smiled sheepishly.

“If I really don’t want to, I won’t come no matter how Yoru begged.” My lips curled into a smile. “Besides, it’s not that bad.” I lay on the beach carpet. “Aside from the fact that I can see the double amount of the people here.”

“So, there are ghosts here too.” Tori sweatdropped. “How many?”

“As many as the living people here,” I answered.

“So, ghosts like sea too?”

“They are selling the appeal of how much fun it is drowning in the sea. And there are also some people that came with dead ex-lovers, trying to scare their new dates or sabotaging their plan to pick one up.”

“The ghosts are hard workers too.” She sweatdropped.

“[Name], come here!!!” Yoru ran to us. “Tori, you too! Mako and Yuzu said they found some hot guys over there. Now it's your and Yae's turn.” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Our turn to do what?” I sweatdropped at her excitement.

“Of course luring hotties.”

“...You asked the wrong person. I don't know how to lure hottie.”

“But you lured Gojo-san.” She stated as if that was a fact. Well, it was a fact but…

“I didn't lure him. You ask Yae, she lured Geto-san.” I passed the hard ball to Yae.

“What are you talking about me luring Suguru-san?” Yae blinked as she came back with drinks.

“They found hotties and wanted us to lure them.” I summed it up.

“Oh? Different people work with different methods. As for Suguru-san, I have to literally plop myself comfily to his lap to gain his attention.” Yae nonchalantly said all of this as she passed me a drink.

“What kind of play you two are playing?” I sighed.

“Why are you guys taking so long?” New friends trio came to get us.

“Hisaki-san and Kurogane-san just need to stand and they will definitely notice you. And leave the rest to us.” Yuzu encouraged. So here we are trying to get into the crowd, all for the sake of catching hotties. ~”~

“...” I wore a deadpan look. “So, you were saying those trash caught your attention?” I raised my brow.

“Of course, they are hotties after all. Look at those muscles and faces. Even though they were covered by sunglasses, I bet they are really handsome.” Yuzu whispered.

'Yeah, they are handsome alright. Even though they are trash.'

“Let Yae show you how to lure this hottie then.” I gestured to Yae who has been eyeing the Dumb from the duo of Dumb and the Dumber. Dumb and Dumber are laying on their back on expensive-looking reclining chairs. Two parasols are situated to block sunlight and in the middle of the chairs is a small round table with exquisite drinks and some books, probably for Dumb to read, because Dumber will get bored within one page.

“He's looking at you!!!!” Niwa whisper-yelled frantically to me. “Oh my gosh, he is gorgeous!!!”

I glance at the Dumber. Dumber, who's wearing black swim trunks and a black high-neck jumper which was not zipped at all, is pulling his sunglasses down to the bridge of his nose, revealing his vibrant weirdly sparkling cerulean eyes. A smirk is also hanging on his lips, he is just shamelessly checking me out. I can feel his stare is burning a hole.

Yae smiles brilliantly and walks to Dumb who is reading a book, but secretly watching Yae anyway. So, Yae took her own advice and made herself comfy in his lap. This makes all the audience's jaws drop at her boldness. Yae literally chucks the book away and settles down on his lap, hands wrapping themselves around his neck, bringing her mouth to his ear. “Hottie, are you free now?”

“...” I looked at them speechless at their charade.

“What will a cutie like you offer to me so I can free up my schedule.” He flirted back.

“Ku-Kurogane-san, how bold!” Sera gasped, her, no all of their eyes widened in disbelief.

“Eh? But I heard Kurogane-san has a boyfriend!!! Is she cheating?!” Makoto blinked rapidly.

“Ah, that…” I exhaled a tired sigh. “It’s fine. Yae’s boyfriend will be super happy-“ Yuzu, Makoto and Sera suddenly gasped and blushed as I feel a shadow towering over me.

“Cutie, give me your number.” He grinned.

“...I have a boyfriend.”

“But you came here without your boyfriend. He must be suck.”

“Yeah, he is.” I agreed.

“Why don't you come with me then, I promise I will treat you better.”

“How exactly?”

“Well, for starters, I won't let you feel alone right now. I will worship the ground you walked on.”

“Very tempting, but there's no food. So, hard pass.”

“Food?” He cocked his brow up. “Of course there will be food. Whatever you want, I will have it up in a minute.”

“I need to ask permission from my boyfriend first.”

“Come on, sweet. Your boyfriend won't know about our secret rendezvous. This will be our secret.” I pulled out my phone from my small purse. (Remember not to leave your valuables in public spaces)

As my phone is connected, Dumber's phone rings. “Your girlfriend might be searching for you.” I pointed out.

“How do you know I have a girlfriend, sweetness? You must be a physics and I love mysteries.” He grinned and ran to pick up his phone. “Hello, love.”

“Where are you right now?”

“Me? I am on a beach.”

“What are you doing there?”

“Just relaxing with Suguru.”

“Oh? The thing is, there is an annoying person hitting on me. What should I do?”

“That's easy, love. Just agree to go with him.”

“You are not going to be jealous?”

“Why should I be jealous, hm? I trust you and him.”

“Well, I might not come home tonight.”

“What a coincidence, I am also not planning to go home tonight.”

“Okay, see you later.”

“Yep, see you later, love.” We hung up at the same time.

“…Their conversation oddly matched, didn’t it?” Yuzu commented.

“…un…un…” The other two nodded their heads.

“More importantly, your boyfriend agreed?!” Makoto’s jaw dropped.

“Yes. He trusts me, he said.” I replied.

“Wow… just wow…” They are speechless now. “Are you two having an open relationship?”

“No. I am only one partner type.” I replied. This got them even more confused.

“Then, be a good girl and step aside for this sister. Unlike you, I am all for it for a fling.” A woman wearing a skimpy swimsuit that barely covers important parts walked past me to Dumber. Dumb and his girlfriend are watching intently for the show now.

'Everyone is really…' I sighed softly.

“What do you think, boy? Rather than picking up a virgin inexperienced girl. You'd rather pick this experienced big sister. Big sister will teach you everything.” The skimpy, sexy dynamite body Obaa-san tried to put her hand on his shoulder. Keyword, tried.

“Does that mean it's 100% guaranteed that he will be infected with some disease after he is done with you then? How scary.” I gasped. “Young man, it's not like I am against your option. But your healthiness and safety always come first.” I shook my head pityingly as if an elder speaking with a child.

“Pfft!” Yae and Dumb are clearly enjoying this, but they tried their hardest to conceal their laughter.

“Don't be jealous of me, little girl. It's just that I am that hard to resist.” She sneered.

“Oh? Well yeah, you are not young anymore, that's why you need to resort to your nakedness. But unlike you, I am still young, my skin is still tight, so I don't need to do anything except stand and someone will hit on me.” I shrugged. I can see Dumber is beaming giddily and didn't pay attention to this Obaa-san.

“You!” She raised her hand.

“What? Are you using violence now? So scary, I guess I need to call on my boyfriend as a backup. You see, I am just a weak girl.” I patted my chest.

“I dare you to call him.” She snarled. “Let him know his slutty girl-” A beach sandal landed perfectly on her face.

“Sorry, my hand slipped.” I blinked innocently as if I was not the one who threw it straight to her face. “I don't like being called names. Please refrain from doing that in the future.”

“You little bitch!!!” She shrieked as she lunged at me. I just dodge to the side and she falls down on her own. Now her pretty swimsuit and face are covered in sand.

“My condolence,” I said flatly. “This one is off-limit because he is with me now. Please go seduce other people.” I smiled refreshingly at her.

“What an interesting woman.” Suddenly there this man came out of nowhere. “Be my woman.” He grabbed my hand.

“???Are you sick in the head?” I frowned. “Please let me go.” I sighed.

“My woman must be feisty.” He smirked which soon turned to a pained expression.

“Don't you dare touch her with your filthy hand.” Satoru hissed as he twisted this sick in the head man's hand and pushed him to the floor.

“You are showing too much skin, love. Are you trying to make me jealous?” He murmured, lips grazing my ear. “Especially what you wore before this one.”

“Are we done with the play now? You are also showing too much skin.” I argued, reminding him why I got into this mess in the first place.

“Jealous [Name] is the cutest.” He grinned and gave me his jumper, carefully helping me slip into it. “This is better.” He zipped it all the way up. It has become a mini dress.

“Who are you?” The sick man glared.

“Her boyfriend.” Satoru rolled his eyes. “If you have a problem. I will be glad to help you out.” He flexed his toned muscle, earning dreamy sighs from people there.

“Show off.” I slapped his back.

“Love, I am showing off for you.” He grinned.

“Geto-san.”

“Here.” Geto threw me another black jumper.

“Wear this.” I shoved it to him.

“Yes, wifey.” He obediently put it on and began to torment that Man A.

“So, how come you are here?” I eyed Geto.

“Well, my cute adorable girlfriend here,” He referred to Yae. “, sent me such a stimulating pic of her in a swimsuit. So, I thought what if some pests decided to covet her? So here I am.”

“...Yae…” I ground my teeth. If Geto got a pic of her. Then Satoru undoubtedly got that embarrassing one of mine.

“Just asking for your boyfriend's opinion of your swimsuit.” She smiled innocently.

“Yae-chan also need to cover up.” Geto gave her his jumper and whisper something to her.

“Get a room.” I groaned.

“You are one to talk.” Yae retorted.

“Wife. I have made sure he won't be doing any bad things again.” Satoru wrapped his hands around my waist and his head on my shoulder, asking to be praised. The man was left groaning on the sand. His face was perfectly rearranged.

“Good boy.” I patted his head and he purred.

“Next time, let me go shopping swimsuits with you. There are a lot of things I need to make sure while you are wearing a swimsuit.” He whispered. His voice is undoubtedly one reserved in private.

“Get a room.” Yae snickered.

“Eh…? Wai… Eeeeehhhhhh????!!!!”

“What kind of situation is this?” New friends trio are having trouble processing.

“Gojo-san and Geto-san are [Name] and Yae's boyfriend respectively.” Tori giggled.

“Eh? Then why did they do that?” Makoto blinked, referring to the charade.

“Because it was fun seducing [Name],” Satoru answered for them, earning an elbow jab at his stomach, courtesy of me.

“The bottom line is, there's no way we will act like this aside to them. If it wasn't Gojo-san who hit on her, [Name] would have undoubtedly ignored them or resorted to violence.” Yae grinned.

“No wonder… no wonder Yoru and Tori didn't want to get involved after seeing them. They even said they were taken already.” Sera said.

“Speaking of them…” Yuzu looked at her friends.

“I got it all recorded. How much are you willing to pay, Gojo-san?” Yoru grinned.

“I will give you Nanamin's exclusive confidential folder.” Satoru grinned.

“Deal.” Yoru and he shook hands.

With the whole fiasco over. We are now joined by Dumb and Dumber who couldn't keep their hands on themselves. ~”~

“[Name], let's go swimsuit shopping tomorrow.” Satoru suddenly whined.

“I already have a swimsuit.” I rolled my eyes as I was being placed on his lap.

“That's for a public beach. Tomorrow, I want a new swimsuit for our private beach.” He hummed.

“Then you go buy yourself.”

“I want to see you in a swimsuit, especially like that one you wore yesterday.” He unlocked his phone and navigated it to a secret folder. “Am planning to have this a lock screen, but you will hit me for sure.” He showed me the picture he got from Yae yesterday. The photo of me in that racy swimsuit. “I almost lost my shit back then.” He groaned half feral.

“Just thinking of you in that kind of racy swimsuit is making my blood boil.” He peppered kisses to my neck.

“Pervert.”

“Yeah, I am your pervert.” He grinned with his half-lidded eyes. “So, will you do it?”

“You will definitely do something to me in the changing room. So, no. I am not fan of voyeurism.”

“I will have those swimsuits sent here. So, there you have it.”

“...As long as I am not wearing it outside.” I conceded because I knew he would pester me for weeks.

“Of course not, love. There's no way I would let you show how delicious you are to other people. It's for my eyes only and will be worn on our private beach.” He grinned. ~”~

The next day row and a row of swimsuits were placed in a spare room, there's only a makeshift changing room and sofa. Satoru is sitting there as if waiting for the show to start. I guess I will indulge him on this occasion. So, I picked up some swimsuits and went to the changing room. Those swimsuits are truly not normal. They are all those racy swimsuits that should not be seen in the public. But here I am trying these. And since I am doing this, I am going to make sure to tease the hell out of him.

The moment I step out of the changing room, I hear a hitch from a certain someone and then a pained groan. “This is not to your taste? Then I will change it.” I grinned as I closed the curtain again.

I did this a few more times, and ultimately, I am trapped inside the changing room with Satoru's hot body pressed against mine. His mouth is doing a workout with mine, my hands being pinned by his large one right above my head, his knee perfectly slotted in between my legs, rubbing against the crotch, and his other hand is busy groping, mapping my whole body. As expected, this is not going to be choosing a swimsuit. ~”~

We did get our vacation on his private beach, wearing a swimsuit of his choosing, he even makes sure to put boundaries around his private property to avoid prying eyes. It's literally a world just for the two of us.

Satoru, being the pervert he is, had chosen the perfect racy swimsuit of all. A cross-wrap halter top with string bottom in the colour of his hair, easier to apply sunscreen, he said. The man actually wanted me to wear a v-string bikini which earned a whack on his head so he settled down with this. And yeah, the applying sunscreen session became a session having me basically naked on the beach carpet with him burying his face in between my legs, the swimsuit is left forgotten to the side. Safe to say, we did no swimming that day.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I’m not sure if it’s the absolutely abysmal weather where I live or what but I am feeling super depressed (the kind where you’re like huh my life has no meaning and everyone else has everything figured out and I’m so alone…) Anyway I want to treat myself to a new historical romance and I’ve been eyeing Beauty Tempts the Beast by Lorraine Heath - which I know I’ve seen you recommend. All this to say I love Lorraine’s books but they’re not always what I would call upbeat so do you think that one would be a good choice or can you recommend anything better given my situation? I also realize after writing this that it may be time to book another session with my therapist!

Well, first off, I'm sorry you're down! I promise you everyone else doesn't have it figured out because I don't lol, but I've felt this way quite often in my life (... like from June to October last year with no stop) so I get it. I hope that it cools down soon. I love therapy and it's always something I'd recommend.

Re: Beauty Tempts the Beast--I definitely wouldn't call it one of Lorraine's darker books, and I don't think it would've made mY mood worse if I was down, but I also have a very high tolerance for sad fiction and I also feel that I seek out that stuff sometimes when I'm down, on like a weird sympathetic level.

Things I'd give a heads up about:

--the entire conceit of Sins for All Seasons is that the Trewloves (all but one) are not their mother's biological children; rather, they were all illegitimate, with different bio moms, and left at a Ettie Trewlove's doorstep. She was a baby farmer--basically, this is a thing where women would take illegitimate children on for a fee. They were either paid to care for the kids, often in subpar conditions, or they were paid to like... quietly kill them. Ettie basically got besieged by guilt/lost her kids after quietly letting two babies die (.... yeah ..... I was never... 100% on board with Ettie, even though she was humane about it lol) so she took on the Trewloves and raised them on her own. (They love her, it's fine.) So while I wouldn't say this has a HUGE dark shadow over Beast's (the hero) backstory it is a thing... to be aware of. I mean, Beast finding his bio parents is a huge deal, but the whole baby farmer thing is more of a shadow over the series.

--Beast has a physical abnormality that people made fun of him for. It's not super visible with the way he presents himself, but it was hard on him and I was very "oh baaaaaby :(((" about it.

Overall, definitely lighter than, say The Scoundrel in Her Bed (the darkest Sins for All Seasons book but also my favorite lol). Definitely lighter than say, Between the Devil and Desire. But angsty enough.

For lighter stuff, I would always recommend, of course, Tessa Dare. Her Spindle Cove series is so fun, especially A Week to Be Wicked. I also love Any Duchess Will Do, though the hero does have a very sad backstory (no spoilers, but it's not abuse-related). When a Scot Ties the Knot and Goddess of the Hunt are also books of hers I'd recommend. They're funny and sexy and overall lighthearted, though not without emotion.

Stephanie Laurens writes a hilarious book. They're older and they're usually wacky, often with a funny mystery plot that's like, glaringly obvious and an alpha male hero who has A CONQUEROR'S SPIRIT. A Rake's Vow is a ridic cozy mystery vibe in which our hero Vane goes to a house party, some shit gets stolen, they're like "VAAAANE YOU'RE SO GOOD AT FIIINDING" and he's like yes I am I shall find the culprit (it takes him the entire book even though it's very clear but the mystery is just a framing device lmao) and in the meantime this fatherless teen boy starts idolizing him, but the teen boy's sister Patience is like NOOOO VANE IS SUCH A WHORE MY BROTHER CAN'T BE LIKE HIM!!! And Vane is like "True! But hurtful!" However, by then he's already decided she's The One so he begins a hot pursuit.

Scandal's Bride is another great one, though of course heads up the heroine drugs the hero for their first time (her first ever lmao) because she wants to get pregnant by him without him remembering (it's a long story). His reaction to this is just "freaky; I'M ABOUT IT" and they spend the rest of the book fucking like bunnies in Scotland while a MYSTERY is afoot. I'm not even gonna lie, this is a new favorite of mine. I don't care. Richard and Catriona are FREAKS and they're perfect for each other.

A Secret Love is another funny one wherein the heroine disguises herself as a veiled widow in order to get the hero to help her out with a financial fraud mystery. Which is ridic because they were childhood friends, but because they grew up and got horny they started hated each other (as they want to rip each other's clothes off). Wild. Insane. They fuck without him knowing who she is. At least twice. Love it.

Vivienne Lorret writes a really cute, light, sexy time! I'd for sure recommend The Wrong Marquess (best friend's brother, dislike to lovers), How to Steal a Scoundrel's Heart (mistress contract, "cold" hero), and Never Seduce a Scot (cat and mouse across Europe, duke with glasses, a big WHOOPS).

Alexandra Vasti's Halifax Hellions books are soooo fun. They're technically three novellas about the Halifax siblings, Margo (on a roadtrip chase with my brother's best friend who's secretly in love with meeee), Matilda (secretly kinky and on voyage with a kinky duke I drew porn about), and Spencer (I have a SECRET WIFE AND NOBODY TOLD ME????).

Alexis Hall has a duo of super lighthearted queer historicals--Something Fabulous (m/m, stern grumpy proposes to a woman and when she flees, starts chasing her with her sunshiney frivolous twin brother, ass eating and RIDICULOUS DUELS ensue) and Something Spectacular (genderfluid lovelorn lead is supposed to help her ex gf hook up with an nb castrato soprano, only for said rockstar soprano to go mmmmm I'd rather fuck yooooou; they also accidentally inspire a gay poetry orgy).

Elisa Braden's Midnight in Scotland series is so fun. Some heavier stuff happens (check TWs), but I would say that tonally she is much more lighthearted than Lorraine, and the books are quite hot.

[nothwell]

Thanks to Wanderer for this thoughtful review of Fiorenzo!

~

** spoiler alert ** If novels had tags: period romance, steady burn, lust at first sight, past trauma, whump, healing, class differences, copius amounts of plague doctor, bodily insecurity, scars are sexy actually.

Long books, for me, often grow tiresome and difficult to get through. I find myself skimming scenes or jumping ahead to see if I can keep reading without losing much info on the story. It’s hard for me to stay engaged the entire time, and even harder still for me to sit and binge read for hours at a time.

Fiorenzo is none of that. At a hefty nearly 700 pages, this novel kept me entranced all the way through. It’s story is best described as meandering, a bit like a river with the occasional rapids or waterfalls along the way, but no less delightful to be swept away by.

Fiore is a courtesan with a plan, who wishes to find himself a wealthy, elderly patron so that he can live out his days in comfort when said patron passes away (goals, my guy. Goals). At a festival, he meets Enzo; a masked stranger who is as secretive as he is wealthy. Together, they learn to navigate a world of class difference, societal expectation, unconditional love, and healing.

THE YEAHS

Enzo: This gentle giant. He is the most loyal and beautiful character I think I’ve read in some time. If I could have a man with just about a half of all the good traits that Enzo possesses, I think I’d be a happy woman. The way he cares for Fiore, the way he cherishes him and pays not a single mind to Fiore’s history and class, or the expectations of his own place in life, it’s all done so incredibly well. I kept expecting there to be some ounce of jealousy from Enzo when Fiore took other clients, which, ugh, he’s a courtesan, what do you expect man, you can’t just possess him because you like him! But not once. It was pure bliss getting to know him.

Fiore: Sweet little firecracker. He’s been through so much. Fiore works as a courtesan, and carries himself proudly and unashamed of it. But underneath the surface, there is deep loneliness and isolation, and a shame that he seems almost unconscious of. He often jumps to the conclusion of of course, why would a courtesan be worthy of x? when he and Enzo are navigating some societal expectation, when all Enzo is trying to do is figure out what Fiore’s shoe size is or some such thing. It’s sometimes a little funny, but a lot of the time will pull the heartstrings taut. Fiore deserves the world, and Enzo is the right person to give it to him. Together, they’re just picture perfect.

The whump: I love a good angsty story. And this is cheerfully tagged on the authors instagram as whump. It’s done well. Oh, man there is one particular moment in this story where I was tied up knots, so if you love a character who has to work for his happiness, then you will find it here.

The narrative style: the novel is set in a land inspired by what I guesstimate to be around the equivalent of 1700’s La Serenissima, and the writing style reflects this. There’s an old world air to the way that it’s written, and I found absolute delight in the familiar, archaic medical terminology that dots the story. The choice in narrative style makes the setting so much easier to become absorbed in—it really does feel like I’m reading a story from that era, by someone who lived and experienced such things every day.

The creative anatomy: this is a bit of a plot point, so at risk of spoiling, I will keep it brief. I loved this plot device. It made the spice even spicier. Delightful.

The spice: Speaking of spice. This has the absolute most perfect amount for me. I’ve been finding some novels a bit too saturated of late (not sure why that’s changed), and was a bit nervous that Fiore’s job would mean smut every second scene. While sex and sexuality is a central theme of the novel, it’s not so -heavyhanded as to become repetitive. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the love of the gentle giant bottom and feisty tiny top dynamic? Chefs kiss.

THE NAH’S

Orazio: This is only here for the sake of me writing something in this section. What a dick. Oh, and that other guy too. You’ll know him when you see him.

I can’t say that I skimmed through this novel even once. Every single theme, scene and plot device is meticulously placed for a reason. Even a drawn out scene about fencing is placed to set up the scenes following it, and to skim or skip it would risk losing the full impact of the following chapters. Fiorenzo is masterfully written, and seeing as this is the first novel of Sebastian Nothwell’s I’ve read, I will be immediately going through his back catalogue and getting every single one.

~

FIORENZO is a queer fantasy-of-manners romance featuring secret identities, hurt/comfort, and a happily-ever-after. Out now wherever fine books are found!

Amazon • Apple Books • Barnes & Noble • Kobo • Smashwords

[redwayfarers]

On Theokleia, my mother

Fandom: Wayfarer IF Characters: Cassander Inteus (OC), Theokleia Inteus (OC), Aiantes Inteus (OC) Rating: Gen Words: 2985 A brand new soul-wrenching angst, straight from my favourite Vestran elf and his dysfunctional family! Mind the fact that this features all sorts of pain, but mainly the pain of ‘my parents hated my guts growing up and still do, 10+ years later :))’ Seriously. Volatile parent-child relationship ahead. Hurt no comfort, emotional variety. Another note: it’s part of my Ties that sever, ties that bind series exploring Cass’ relationship with his family. Read this piece, as well as one centered on Cass and his younger brother Nikias, here on ao3.

If Vasco has any supporters, I sincerely doubt he attracted them because of the charms or, gods forbid, virtue of his character. In fact, to call any of his good traits virtues is to give genuine virtues a huge fucking bitchslap. If this guy wins the crown, I well and truly pity the people they send to his court.

And beyond that, anyone with Vestran blood who comes even within the proximity of his radius.

I absolutely hate whenever my path crosses with his. Not only because of the people whose company he keeps, but because he never misses a chance to try and sway me to his cause. Or threaten. His sycophants nod along and there’s one aeda whose face I just want to level with the ground whenever he opens his mouth to speak. Vasco always speaks in saccharine tones, but when he realises I’m not gonna fall for that, he switches tactics. He offers information, I refuse it on principle. I don’t even care all that much about these highborn brats who decided to have an adventure and realised the world’s bigger than their towers. I’ll dig out whatever the fuck I need myself, thank you very much.

He’s the lesser evil in all of this, though. A cover, really. He’s simpler to dislike, distant and annoying, even though he makes my hair stand on edge whenever he speaks. It’s my parents I see as well and that brings up a whole host of worms I want safely lidded shut. My father looks pristine as always, though his hair’s braided a little more simply than I remember from my childhood. He’s even removed his earrings, because he sorely needs more air in that vapid head of his. 

He’s not vapid, per se. Aiantes is actually rather bright or he would’ve been kicked out of diplomatic service ages ago. But his smiles are cheerfully empty, weirdly serene, a stark contrast to the twist his face got whenever he was privately angry with me and decided to pull on my ears to reprimand me. Asshole.

And where Aiantes goes, so does Theokleia. It sometimes feels like sniffing her out, like there’s a peculiar scent she gives that makes my stomach wrap up in knots. Last time we talked, she dislocated my nose and affirmed, in no uncertain terms, that I’m no son of hers. We’re through - legally, formally. In all ways save the one link we cannot break, I am not her son, nor is she my mother.

It’s a weird sort of pain. I don’t know what I was hoping would happen; that she, who’s hated me since the day I left the womb, would now turn a new leaf and warmly hug me, that she’d apologise for all the shit she’s done to me, that she’d make amends? That I’d find it in my heart to forgive, to grit through my bloody mouth how I take her back, how we can be a fucking family again? Not really. But there was a corner nobody’s shed a light on for years and I had to try. I had to cut that last tendon any way I knew how.

But I can’t cut the umbilical cord. She is my mother, but I am not her son. So by the power of shared blood, I can feel her presence whenever she’s around. She makes my lungs constrict and release and my jaw clench. She makes me want to push her off a cliff. I want to squeeze my giant fingers around her long throat and choke the life out of her the same way she choked the life out of the little Cassander.

However, I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to do it. She’s my mother.  

So when she joins the other nobles, I can feel her approach. I’m on my way out and my legs can’t move fast enough to get out of Vasco’s presence, but she’s approaching the entrance of the tent with an impassive, hard face and suddenly my legs don’t know how to sprint anymore. My heart aches and I look on ahead, transfixed by the sight of her practical, military serithan and the messy strands of her deep, red hair. People salute her; she nods crisply, acknowledging their presence. The line of her nose and jaw is sharper than a blade.

Why are my hands so wet all of a sudden? I can’t let her see that, for fuck’s sake. I grip my pants tightly, rubbing some of the sweat away. She’s within line of sight. My legs refuse to move. I need to get away.

“Wayfarer,” she says, tersely. Fuck.

“Theokleia,” I respond, frowning.

“Are you leaving or entering? Either way, do something. Some of us have business to conduct here. You’re standing at the entrance.” Each sentence feels like a rap. A part of me wants to burrow here just so she can’t pass.

“It’s not like I find either yours or Vasco’s presence enjoyable,” I bite out. “Anyone who does is masochistic.”

“There are plenty of spaces in which we are decidedly not, Wayfarer, if you feel this way.” She speaks rather forcefully, like she has to remind herself to make sounds. Like she has to remind herself you need words for a conversation. I make her uncomfortable.

Oh what a delightful thing! Her own son makes her uncomfortable, before all of her noble and oh so dignified friends. If only I wouldn’t seem mad if I laughed at that.

“I shall have mercy on you, my lady,” I say instead, with all the joy in my heart, “and let you pass. Maybe you learn a thing or two from me, you gods-forsaken bitch.”

She looks away. My heart soars. “Go fuck yourself, Cassander,” she whispers. It’s only after a few moments more that I let her pass. It’s not every day I get to torment Theokleia Inteus. I might just enjoy it while it lasts.

***

Daylight’s waning. I actually forgot how pretty Vestra’s sunsets were, clad in orange and shining over lakes. Even though there’s distant chattering of people and soldiers behind me, watching the sunset from a safe distance of the patriotic Vestrans does provide some semblance of tranquility. As much as I can get it, anyway, with the strange joy that sits heavily in my belly.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve replayed that conversation with Theokleia. Her stiff tone and obvious discomfort only stoked the joy further, coupled with the memories of her shutting me up with a single glance when I was under her paw. She only had to look, I only have to exist. In hindsight, I probably made her uncomfortable even then, for the very same crime of being born.

Difference is that once she would’ve stared me down, towering over me. Now, she looks away and it’s her turn to be small.

I shouldn’t be happy about this, a part of me thinks. After the initial rush of the encounter passed, I was able to see how childish my behavior was. I should be the bigger person and maybe not forgive, but certainly not relish in her discomfort. It’s hard not to, though. I know intimately how powerlessness tastes and I want to pour the same fucking poison down her throat for a change. It’s not fair how only she gets her moments of glory and not me, whose life she ruined day in and day out before Cenric took me out of Vodena. Best thing someone ever did for me, truly.

Thus, I decide with a barely restrained tug on my lips, I am allowed to enjoy this a little. It feels like competence, like possibility and like power. Power I was often denied by virtue of being myself.

And I would’ve been content to move on the next morning, go do what I was contracted to do, and never see any of them again. Truly, I would’ve. But demanding footsteps interrupt my thoughts, boots press on grass like they want to smother it beneath their steps and I turn my head to see who’s bothering me.

My mother’s face is so dark it could beat the night itself.

“What?” I ask, not wanting to let her have the first word.

“What was that in the king’s tent all about?” she says - borderline yells, really - and crosses her arms. “Maybe your kind does not know, but we have a reputation to uphold. We are one of the most honorable families in Vestra and I represent us in the world. And this is how you behave?”

“It’s called tit for tat,” I deadpan, straightening my back fully. From up here, she doesn’t look quite as terrifying as she did when I was a child. “You should be familiar with the concept, really. If you wronged someone, for whatever reason, they may want to retaliate. You guys do it all the time. And it’s suddenly a bad thing when a Wayfarer does it? Oh, it’s bad when Cassander does it! I understand.” I stare her in the eye. “I could never do anything right in your eyes, I forget. I can’t be a good son, I can’t be a good Inteus, I can’t exist the way you wanted me to and now I can’t even hate you the way you’d approve. How   convenient.”

“Do not presume things, Wayfarer,” she breathes harshly. “You are not my son. You are not even a true Inteus. We don’t have a place for the likes of you in our midst.”

How easily she washes her hands clean of me! How easily she wills me to be a pretender to the name and suddenly, that’s what I am! The conviction in her voice feels like a punch in the gut. Sharp pain of my estrangement comes in full force, like it did when their letter of disownment reached me all those years ago. She never wanted me around, she never wanted to listen, she never thought of me as anything but a waste of breath, and here I was, an absolute fucking fool, offering her a chance to make amends! To apologize!

“Shit out of luck, because that’s not how that works! If I could choose my parents, do you really think I would’ve chosen you? Do you really think I would’ve chosen you in particular over every other mother in fucking Rhesainia!”

“I repeat, Wayfarer,” she continues and her face twists fiercely, “I am not your mother anymore. I don’t know what exactly you think gives you the right to speak to me this way, but cease. Do your contract for the Guild and remember exactly where you are.”

How mightily I am compelled! I dig my nails into my palms because that’s better than just fucking tackling her to the ground. “Then you shouldn’t have given birth to a kid who looks exactly like you, Theokleia,” I breathe through my nose. “Then you should’ve considered not having any more children after Despina.” I remove the near painful press on my palms. My nails left indents in the hardened skin. She stares at me, breathing heavily, eyes seething with rage. Her hands are shaking.

“You are such an insolent brat it’s a marvel that Grandmaster of yours let you out of that glorified ruin in Artanis,” she says suddenly. “Amali Sero, was it? Whoever they may be, it’s clear they made a lapse of judgment in that.”

“Don’t take Sero or the Spire in your fucking mouth!” I seize her by the arm and pull her close until we’re face to face, nose to nose. My grip tightens and I hope to whoever's listening up above that I leave bruises. “They’re golden compared to you and you have no fucking right to ever mention them, least of all in my presence.”

Am I spitting on her? I don’t care. Maybe it somehow turns venomous and burns her skin.

“You’re nobody,” she replies, and there’s a shake in her voice. Once she hears it, the fury in her eyes turns into a sweetly horrifying realisation. “You have no right to set terms here. You’re a mercenary and if it were up to me, we’d just find our missing members ourselves instead of hiring a Wayfarer. There, you can set the terms if you so wish. But here, with Vestra’s great and honorable, you’re a barely tolerated pest. I can talk about whoever I want in whatever way I want and you cannot do a thing about it.”

“Vestra’s great and honorable?” I bark out a sharp, angry laugh. “Can’t speak for the rest of you assholes, but you? You’re nobody’s great and honorable. You’re just a brood mare for the family legacy. You, Theokleia, are insignificant, there to give little heirs for the other part of your name, Inteus. If I called you by any other name, it would still remain the same. A brood mare for this fucked up legacy of flawless magic. That’s all you are.”

She goes still. She’s staring at me, looking me in the eye, gold against red. For a few heavy, long seconds, that’s all we do, stare, face to face, and the wall against us grows thorns with each passing moment. Then, in the deathly silence, she lets out a little sob and a tear slides down her cheek.

Holy shit. It took me fifteen years, but finally, I managed to knock my all-powerful mother down. My heart beats rapidly in my chest and my grip on her tightens. For a moment, I remember a nine year old Cassander, brought down by the force of his mother’s strong hit, sobbing incoherently and holding his bleeding cheek as she towers over him and screams that he’s a waste of breath.

This one’s for you, little Cassander.

“It’s not fun when it happens to you, is it,” I sound tearful - when did I start crying? “It’s not fun, is it, whether you’re a hundred years old or nine years old! This is what you did to me for the first ten years of my life! This is what–”

“Shut up,” she croaks out lowly. Tears are running down her face freely and her teeth are bared. Slinking through my astonishment and rage, instinct reminds me that an angered beast is when it's most dangerous. And I should know just how dangerous my mother, a battlemage, can be.

Let her attack. I am not afraid. This time, I have the means of fighting back. This time, I don’t depend on her approval of my behavior. This time, I am my own man and not a helpless boy under her paw.

“Make me,” I hiss back, ready to defend myself if I have to. I’m not giving up this power just yet.

Suddenly, she aims her leg high for a kick. I dodge, but release my grip on her arms in the process. Her magic’s useless directly, but she can use the environment against me. Shadowfall’s at my belt, as well as a dagger if it comes to that.

I draw the sword; it’s a comforting sound. She watches it for a moment and frowns when she sees the watery surface. “I said make me, Theokleia,” I stare her down. “If you dare.” She’s powerful, but angry. Angry enough to slip. Angry enough for a misstep. Sero made sure that won’t happen to me.

“Theo!” a male voice calls and both she and I freeze. My father. The bastard is fast approaching and the tension drains so suddenly I can almost hear the air fill the empty space.

“Sheathe that sword, Wayfarer,” she says sharply, voice marred with tears.

“Yes, because I’m always the bad guy around,” I bite back, sheathing it. I’m not dumb. It’s too late, though - Aiantes has seen it and whatever he wanted to say died on his tongue in favor of burning me alive with the power of a scowl.

“Wayfarer–” he starts in a tone that subtly bucks behind the force of his anger, but I raise my hand.

“Cassander, if we’re gonna have a family reunion here. Where’s Despina, so it can be just like the good old days?” I squint. My heart beats wildly in my chest.

“Do family members threaten each other at sword point, Cassander?” Aiantes says, rubbing a hand down Theokleia’s arm. She holds herself cautiously close, as if afraid to seek the comfort of his embrace. I cried myself to sleep, alone, when she hit me. She has a husband to kiss her tears away.

I suppress a sniffle.

“That wasn’t a threat,” I whisper against the storm of emotions in my chest. “That was an escalation.” I raise my head in defiance. I will not be cowed by my parents anymore. “I’m sure your darling wife will tell you all about it. But nothing will come of it besides my personal satisfaction, because last time I checked, there was an Inteus on that list of missing Guild kids. And I was contracted to find them.”

Theokleia raises her gaze. “Aftonio,” she says, strangely strained. Aiantes’ eyes harden and he nods softly at her.

“That’s their name? Can’t seem to remember.” Of course I remember. But the pain in her voice when she says that name scratches at a wound that will never heal. She cares more about a meaningless cousin than her own son. Aiantes too.

“Go find them,” Aiantes says coldly. “And do remember Vestra has no further need for the likes of you after this.” He tugs her to leave and she nods imperceptibly. She’s holding her tears as much as she can.

I don’t deign to respond to him. Once they’re far away enough, I plop down on the grass. Sheathed, Shadowfall sadly hits the ground. Only after the sound settles do I bury my face in my hands and cry.

[heresmaitake]

Live my life on my own terms: A monday rant

Hi everyone, Happy Monday, i guess? Let me get straight to what I want to say here. Sometimes I feel like people forget that life isn’t a one size fits all formula. Not everyone is dating, getting married, or rushing to settle down, and guess what? That’s perfectly fine. Some of us are just living our lives, focusing on ourselves, working, studying, and enjoying the little joy in life, like watching movies, Kdramas, Jdramas, and other fun shows, travelling, and hanging out with friends and family.

Believe it or not, some people are strong enough to be on their own, and there’s absolutely nothing miserable about that. In fact, some people would rather be alone than settle for a relationship with someone they’re not sure about, someone whose values don’t align with theirs, or, worse, someone who’s just plain unbearable. Life’s too short to be tied down to a moron, don’t you think?

It’s funny how society often treats being single like it’s some kind of problem that needs solving. If dating or being married is the answer to happiness, then I have to ask, who came up with the question? Seriously, who decided that being in a relationship or tying the knot should be the ultimate goal for everyone?

I’m lucky to have grown up never feeling lonely, even without a partner. My parents, family, friends, and my independence have always been enough. Sure, I’ve had my share of experiences, dating, flings, crushes, and all that, but right now? I’m genuinely content on my own.

Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I’ll meet the love of my life, and boom, life suddenly changes just like that. But honestly, that’s not the part I’m focusing on.

What really bothers me is when people act like being single or not actively dating is some kind of flaw that needs fixing. Recently, a distant relative from the baby boomer generation made a comment that really annoyed me. She asked about my career, and when I mentioned working from home, she immediately assumed I must be struggling financially. Then she hit me with, “Oh, poor girl. Be patient. When you have a husband, you’ll have money, and your life will get better.”

Excuse me, what now?

Even without a husband, I have my own money, thank you very much. And if I ever needed help, which I don’t, I could ask my parents. Not that I need to, because I’m financially independent. It’s so frustrating how some people think life can only start or improve after marriage. Breaking news, some of us are thriving just fine on our own.

But of course, I just laughed it off. I honestly didn’t have the energy to explain myself. She’s much older than me, and honestly, what’s the point? Explaining my life to her wouldn’t benefit either of us.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-marriage. In fact, I’d love to get married someday and have family of my own, inshaAllah. I’m a bit of a romcom girlie, a hopeless romantic at heart. I even pray sometimes for the kind of romance that lives up to my ridiculous standards, lol. And yes, I’d love to raise a child someday. I think it’s adorable, and honestly, the way I love my niece makes me confident I’d love my own child to bits.

But here’s the thing: I’m not in a rush, and I’m definitely not desperate. My parents raised me in a loving (though not perfect) family, and I’ve received enough love from them to feel secure in myself. That’s why I’ve never felt lonely, even without a romantic relationship.

If the time comes and it’s written for me to have my own family, I’ll embrace it wholeheartedly. And if it’s not written for me, that’s okay too. At the end of the day, I’m pleased with the life I’m living now. Whatever is meant for me will come to me when it’s time.

So here’s my Monday message to people feeling the pressure to live according to society’s timeline: don’t. Live your life the way that feels right for you. Whether you’re single, dating, married, or not even thinking about relationships, your happiness is what matters most.

And that’s the rant. Once again, happy monday, hope we all have a better day tomorrow. 😊