#because I feel like RE: these kids I work with since I'm NOT a teacher and I don't have the same authority as a teacher it makes me like...

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Why am I suddenly getting so annoyed with the way my coworker/previous supervisor has structured emails to me (she's an ELA teacher, by the way) that I just had the thought, 'Damn, I SHOULD be a teacher, because I'd be a GREAT teacher, just like that little 6th grade girl told me.'

[zmbiest4rr]

Can I request an sbg x reader who is a d1 crashout and usually gets mad at very small things. (Basically, like Ben, after he lost his voice, but 20 times worse) and can u make her s scene girl

𝜗𝜚 a/n : I hope you this was okay....uh I lwk messed up and didn't make it crash out-y enough, but I'm too tired to re-write... I tried my best since I'm not scene, or a crash out (except for when it's my siblings or friends.) I had a lot of fun writing it tho 😓🤞 so yeah but anyway sorry this was a little late, track started so I'm busy now. ☹️

⬫ warning : ➜ some swearing and bullying I guess?

⬫ words : ➜ 505

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(๑•́ ₃ •̀๑) crash out scene girl reader

╰► with ﹫ sbg main six

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୨୧ It was the first day back to school, you made your way through the halls. You arrived late to your class, due to getting so lost, but you weren't the only one, behind you arrived two kids, they looked a lot alike so you assumed they were siblings of sorts. You settled down at your assigned seat, as your teacher introduced himself and had students go around and introduce themselves, you didn't pay too much attention but your assumptions were proven right that the two siblings, named Taylor and Tyler Hernandez, were siblings, twins. You also heard a few other names, Logan, Ashlyn, Aiden and Ben.

You guys were all assigned in a group together for the trip to Savannah. The others knew of you, and your “lashing out” and how you were considered “weird” for your style. Taylor was the first to talk to you, or at least acknowledge you, by complimenting your hair. “I love your hair. The color is so pretty, what dye do you use?” She asked you, with a look that seemed curious and welcoming. “I use iroiro. I think it's more vibrant and long lasting that box dye at Walmart, it's a bit expensive though.” You told her, with a smile, happy that someone is curious about your style and not picking on you for once.

Aiden chimed in, not surprising since he's extroverted from what you've seen in other classes, to say he liked your necklace, asking where it is from, “Cool necklace, where'd ya get it?” “I got it from a thrift store, I go to them a lot to find stuff because it's cheap, even if it's a hit or miss sometimes.”

As the bell rang, everyone was leaving and you were packing up your stuff, when you felt an eraser hit the back of your head. You turned around to see Barron and a few of his friends. “What the hell was that for?” You yelled, earning a chuckle from Barron. “It wasn't me!” He replied playing dumb. “You're such a jerk, gosh. Get a life you asshole!” You screamed, feeling blood flush to your face. The others flinched at the noise. You clenched your hands into tight fists, leaving indentations on your palms.

As you walked out of class, you put your headphones on. You felt a tap on your shoulder, and went to pause your music. When you turned around Ben was standing there typing something out "Are you alright?" the text read. You nodded and offered him a soft smile, "Yeah, just got worked up I guess. Barron's just a jerk." You reassured him.

A few months later, you are all at Aiden's house playing Roblox, someone decided you all should play an obby. As y'all loaded on and played the game, obviously, got harder. You were stuck on a certain stage, Ashlyn complained "Come on already, it's not that hard. Just tap quicker." You groaned and kept clicking "Bro flip this!" You shouted and quit the game, throwing your phone aside.

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ᗢ that's all because...I lwk don't know how to end it.....I hope you liked it anyway bai.

➜ with lots of love, zmbie! 💗

p.s please request I have lots of fun writing. :3

[redlenai]

So... hear me out, this is my re-do of Umbrella Academy season 4 and also the finale. So, we know Allison made a deal with Reginald and they ended up in a new world without powers and all that, and instead of getting new, weird ones, they get their original powers back, but they took only a sip of the marigold, so they are failing and not always active at will (Otherwise, Klaus, Allison, Laila and Viktor would be too OP again).

Allison got her daughter back, husband left her, I prefer that that way. I also LOVED HER in season two so why not let her be a hairdresser still? With a succesful one amongst old ladies and vintage enthusiasts. She doesn't want any of her clients dating her siblings, she is keeping her business!

Luther instead of a stripper, what about bringing back him being number 1? But not necessarily a glamorous job, but a fullfilling one with people like him who wants team work and maybe start doing some personal healing, so let's make him a Camp Counselor. He is the leader of a group of kids, kids that listen to him better than his siblings, he is nice, he is there for them, he may not be the wisest but he is attentive and sensitive, so I think that would be a good spin for him. Some moms would fawn over him, who doesn't love a big teddy?

Diego and Laila, I love they got twins, I would have liked to see them more. I would have loved for everyone to be more involved to the niblings, so Diego, I would have left him all his fighting techniques, those could had nothing to do with his perfect aim powers so he still had them. I could see him having a Dojo in a Mall and secretly teaching his daughter how to fight. Yes, Laila being totally against.

Laila I really like that growth in the beginning, mom of three, doing undercover. I liked she acknowledged being an assassin almost her entire life then this change its too sudden, yes, secrets aint good but instead of being nasty to her family, keeping that bag out of the house seems correct for me.

Klaus, hear me out, him being a germaphobe, sober, clean is golden. His fear of permament, genuine, death is glorious, and I feel so sad they didn't dive more into him stepping up for Claire, you could tell he loved his niece and even with all his flaws he was there for her and did those changes for her too, not only because of Allison's support. I think his world should have been his niblings now, he'll endure the germs of his niblings and only theirs, his siblings need to wash their hands three times and use some alcohol before touching him.

Ben, nothing much to say. He is Sparrow Ben so yes, to me him doing a bitcoin scam its perfect, I think its the only thing from the beginning of the season that I won't change one bit. I'm also keeping Luther being the one trying to incoorporate him to the family. Still a bitch, but behaves in front of the kids

Viktor, what did they do to my man. Listen, instead of him being a douche with ladies and being so far away and in a damn bar, hear me out. Violin teacher, close to family, simple as that, some of his students are making progress... his ears are no longer bleeding during sessions!

Now, Five. You know, he was in his 60s. Reaching his 70s after this one final timeskip right? (I'm not good at math). I think I would have spin things very differently for him, first, a young body is just that, a young body. He is still older than all of his siblings, he still experienced solitude, trauma and more. So I can picture him not being as sharp as before, mind sliping, stubborn, everyone tries to deny it, but Five is aging, he needs help. Instead of working for the CIA, just an old man in a young body, winning some chess contests for the thrill but tired, maybe sharing a decent apartment with Luther and Ben since the first was the first one to notice these changes.

I wouldn't have changed much of the plot, Marigold and Durango? Having to destroy all timelines? Ok, let's keep that but let's chance the way how it works. Besides, I would have introduced the Fives hanging around in the Subway quite a bit earlier or removed it entirely.

Main plot: Finding Jennifer, Reginald and Abigail come to the conclussion that the clearance IS the monster, IS the end of the world just like how it happened, but it isnt.

Sub-plots: Diego still not trusting Laila or not appreciating what he has, Klaus having a panick attack and afraid of losing all the progress he has made so far, Five's slowly going senile (Getting his powers and being able to access the Subway makes it worse), Viktor wanting closure about all the abuse Reginald has caused them.

I did like the Cult and the Umbrella effect, but lets not involve the CIA, that was a bit just too much. But I liked Abigail sabbotaging her love, I think the gang deserved to get to know her a bit better and see what was that their father longed for so long.

But understanding doesn't mean forgiving.

Laila and Five do get lost for 7 years in the Subway, Laila seeing now instead of Luther how Five IS older, IS an old man, IS aging and NEEDING his family close. I really got this image of the scene being them taking shelter in that green house, nothing romantic happens between them, just Five appreciating Laila is there just to make an odd comment "Wish the others cared to visit", then Laila having to remind him they were lost and needed to get back.

Diego, instead of having his awakening in the CIA, he just goes from sibling to sibling, yes, he does the talking! He still jumps into conclussions but now seeks imput!

Klaus as said is terrified of having his powers back, all his terrors come back to haunt him, he doesn't fall back onto the drugs in an instant, nor the alcohol. Instead of taking that TV, I really wanted Claire to be his anchor, I know, she shouldn't have such a responsability, but who wouldn't want to help the family that choose to keep the closest when you needed the most? He forgives Allison, then instead of the whole medium thing and being buried alive (despite the last being actually a reference to the comic and how originally Reginald trained him), he slowly goes back, sometimes its hard to remember too all the progress you made with your gift/curse, and thanks to not have used too much marigold helped him to gradually get used to it, especially alongside his sister and niece.

Ben and Jeniffer are in the run from Hargreeves and the Keepers, instead of them getting that rash then evolving into a monster, let's go back to my point of interest: Niblings.

Well, instead of a fricking monster, what if Ben and Jennifer just got a baby on the way, one that was growing way too fast, but not as much as the 43 children. Ben doesn't trust nor feel the others are family, he doesn't want them, his real family is dead, that's a fact.

Well, let's say seeing your love at first Durango suffering a weird pregnancy that is causing those weird stuff (I liked the Earthquackes, dead animals, people dead by ink), enemies right and left, not sure if she survives, she dies, there is a baby or monster on the way... kind of makes you want the group of nosy assholes back, especially if something bad happens to you or the mom.

II like that Abigail seemed to care about the gang, I was surprised Reginald even talked about them, so I can imagine her just wanting to care for them, so what if the gang talked during their "visit" about their kids too, wait, does that mean Reggie has grandkids? Are these my grandkids? or step-grandkids at least?

So I think the finaly argument between Reginald and Abigail should have been, yes, he should have left her die, that they were wrong, that's not the end of the world, that is a new beginning. Reggie, do the right thing, that's the 4th grandchild you won't be able to meet.

We have part of the gang trying to help soon to be Daddy Octopus prevent the Keepers, Hargreeves agents and yes, the CIA as its own thing, from entering. Then another half helping Jennifer, the birth happens.

And that is the ending, everything fades to white.

"In October 1st of 1989.... nothing out of the ordinary happened. To be exact, the actual date is (Insert modern time). I'm just watching over a... peculiar family that found each other"

Then we have in said park the whole gang, people that didn't die nor did go to the Temps Aeternalis. Umbrellas and Sparrows as well.

There, happy ending.

[scarletwinterxx]

bigger than the whole sky - haechan imagine

helloooo, i think a few months ago i wrote a haechan dad scenario. but after watching The Lost Boys, it made more emotional🥺 our hyuck would surely be the best dad in the future💛

here's a sequel to that scenario😊

pt. 1 - Lee and Lily

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

There are many things you admire about your husband, from his cheekiness to his voice to his assuring words. But one thing you love the most about him now, something you only found out after your daughter was born, is how great of a father he is.

Haechan is very busy with work but he is a family man above all. You and Nari comes first. Which is why he decided to take the duty of driving and picking Nari up from school.

"You sure you want to do it?" you ask him the first day he did it

"Yea, gives us more daddy-daughter time. Take the morning for yourself" he tells you, kissing you on the forehead

"You know she loves you right? I know you, the wheel are turning in there" you tell him, weaving your fingers around his neck and playing with the ends of his hair

The moment Haechan found out you were pregnant, he vowed to always be there for your child. He always dreamt of being a father, a father who will always be there for their kid. And he has, but there are still times he feels like he missed too much because he's too busy with his career.

"Times flies by so fast, she used to fit right in my arm. Now she's running around, and she talks more than me. Would you believe that"

You chuckle at his words. She does have the talent to talk your ear off, she's now at that age where everything ends with a "why?" question.

"Daddy, why is the sky blue?" "Mommy, why do the fishy float?" "Daddy, why is this sweet and that one yucky?" referring to salt and sugar

Just some of the daily questions of Lee Nari.

But really that girl can ask you why water is wet every breakfast and you still wouldn't have it any other way.

And so the tradition started. Haechan is now on school duty while you stay at home.

"She does this cute thing when I drop her off, she goes bye bye daddy I love you" he tells you one day.

"How many times have you cried in the car after she said that?" you tease him

"Like 2 maybe 3, the first time was the worst. After she said it, she just walked away and left me"

"Stop being dramatic, she was just going to pre-school" you laugh

"The other day she asked me why was the sun chasing us when we were driving to school"

"What did you say?"

"Can't remember, something along the lines of 'the sun likes nice people'. I'm running out of answers" he tells you dramatically, making you chuckle once again.

It's been months since that routine started. the two Lee's enjoying the quick drive from and to school. Haechan would play his favorite songs while Nari sings along, his heart swelling with pride as he listens to his daughters singing.

One particular morning, it unexpectedly got hectic. You left earlier than the two due to do some errand and get a quick checkup. While on their way to school, Haechan got an urgent call from work.

"I just got here at Nari's school, why?" he waited until he was infront of the school and the car on stop before answering the call. He spots the teacher who welcomes the student every morning and fetch them outside, waving over to them and opening the backseat door.

Haechan was still busy on the phone while Nari waits, her teacher ushers her inside as Haechan smiles and wave as his daughter walks away.

Just as he was about to pull up on the driveway to get his stuff ready for work, he received another call this time from you.

"Yes?" he answered

"Did you drive Nari today?"

Confused, he answered your question "Yes, I just dropped her off. Why did something happen at school?". He didn't even wait for your answer, already starting the engine once again to drive back to her school

"Her teacher just called me, she was bawling her eyes out apparently. Had a mini melt down when you didn't say goodbye to her"

Just then Haechan remembered their little tradition. Feeling his blood run cold, he didn't say i love you to Nari and now she's sad.

"Oh my Nari, I'm driving back there"

"No need, I'm like 5 minutes away from the school. I'll handle it. You have a meeting today too" you tell him

"But-" he tries to protest

"It'll be fine, we'll see you later okay"

How can he focus on work when all he can think about is how he made his little girl upset. When you got home from Nari's school, it wasn't a surprise to see your husband sitting on the living room couch. Nothing but silence inside the house.

"Hey, she's fine now" you say, catching his attention

"I really didn't mean to forget, I was on the phone. I waved goodbye to her, I guess it flew my mind" he tells you, you can tell he's just as upset as Nari was.

You shot him a small smile before walking towards him. Immediately he opens his arms, hugging you around the waist while you pat his head lovingly.

"If it makes you feel any better, I forgot her favorite blanket the other day and she said she felt upset with me" you hear him chuckle from below you

"But then she hugged me and said it was okay. Our little girl doesn't have a single bone of hate in her body so don't worry too much okay? You're her favorite person ever" you added

"What if all she'll ever remember is me forgetting to say I love you to her?" he asks, looking up at you.

Sighing, you pull away to sit beside him but Haechan pulls you over to make you sit on his lap. Like he just needed your comfort right now.

"What she'll remember is how good of a father you are, how you practically hung the stars in the sky. You've always been the best dad, don't go doubting it now" you tell him, cradling his face in your hands.

Your words are always enough to wash away any doubt he has. It's a magic you posses. With that, he feels a lot better.

"She'll be home in a few hours, why don't we go and pick her up? Meanwhile, go do some work" you tell him, giving him a quick kiss before standing up.

A few hours later, the two of you drove to pick up Nari. You go to the front office to get her while Haechan waits outside, holding a bouquet of flowers for his little girl.

You and Nari walk outside hand in hand. Haechan thought she was going to be mad at him but the moment Nari sees her dad, she made a dash towards him. Immediately Haechan kneels down to catch her in a tight hug. Picking her up and hugging her close to him.

"Hi baby, dad's so so so sorry about this morning. Sorry I forgot to say I love you" he mumbles, the little Lee just hugs him for a while. You got to where the two were standing, taking the flowers from Haechan so he could carry Nari more comfortably.

Nari pulls back to look at her dad, the two of you waiting for what she has to say

"I got sad because I didn't get to say I love you to dad" she pouts

"You got sad because you didn't say I love you to me?" Haechan asks back, Nari nodding at her father's question

"Oh lovebug, you don't have to be sad about dad. I know you love me very very much" he tells her

"But I always say it to you"

You smile at your husband and your little girl. Loving hearing their argument of who loves more.

"Even when you don't tell daddy, I already know. But okay, I promise to not leave you until you say it to me. How does that sound?"

"Okay, I love you daddy" she says then hugs Haechan again.

"I love you, more than anything in this world, my Nari" he looks over at you, mouthing the same words to you.

You sent him a smile. Guiding the two over to the car,

"Okay now that's done, what do you want for dinner?" you ask the two

"Kimchi fried rice!" you hear the tiny voice say from the backseat.

"You heard the girl" you chuckle

"I'll cook you the best kimchi fried rice, it will be the best ever" Haechan says, starting the car and driving away. The conversation continues, with Nari's endless stories and wonders while the two of you answer.

He looks over at you, taking your hand and giving it a quick kiss. Just then you hear Nari's voice again,

"Mom, is the moon sleeping during the day?"

[nothorses]

RE: Valorized teachers - I was a teaching assistant who was put into a self contained special ed room. I'm also a wheelchair user with several neurodevelopmental conditions. The way that I was guilted by peers for not staying to shield kids from the abuse they dealt with that was both a) triggering to see/intervene in (since I went through similar shit) and b) minimum wage so I could only afford to eat once every 24 hours was really damaging to me. "If you don't stay and keep the kids safe, they'll just be abused worse." Yeah. They will. And within a month I'll probably kill myself and that'll traumatize them too. I still love those kids and I still lose sleep over "abandoning" one of them in particular but I wanted to survive. So I did everything I could to show them I loved them and they are humans and should be treated like humans, and I left. Other physically disabled people, interestingly, did not have the same hang-ups about self sacrifice (in my experience, obviously everyone is different).

god. yeah.

I'm substitute teaching in a few schools right now to supplement a part-time job I actually love, and while I initially planned to work with the local public school system, I've ended up in a private/independent schools instead. and like.

I grew up in public schools, I have so much beef with private/independent schools (and even more with charter schools, lol. but I'm not working with any of those) and I very much know that the students I'm working with now aren't the ones who need support the most. hell, I'm not even making as much as I could be in the nearest public school system!! private schools pretty much always pay less than public schools do, and that's definitely true here.

I feel bad for not working in public schools, and I could justify that (I turned down one offer from a district because they pay even less than the private schools do, plus the commute would be a nightmare; the other district is so underfunded that they keep firing admin people and they can't get their shit together to onboard me properly, so I now literally can't work there until I get a new passport) but also. like.

I've worked with public schools before, and frankly, I don't love it. The class sizes are twice as large, the schools themselves can't really do anything innovative on a larger scale, and the teachers pretty invariably don't love working there. They love their students, but the school?? There's always something to complain about.

One of the schools I work at right now is doing shit no public school can do, the entire student population is less than 50 kids, and the kids and teachers are genuinely happy there. Like, truly, honestly love being there. And I do, too! It's my favorite school to sub for, and it's not close.

Idk. I feel guilty sometimes, but also, like... it's not really fair to ask teachers to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of protecting a few students from a broken system. I commend the people who do it, they're making an important difference, but it's really not enough to fix the problem itself. And it's not fair to expect it to be enough.

We need systemic change. We need better funding, better pay, smaller class sizes, people in charge who know what the hell they're doing, and we need to scrap current professional development practices and invest in long-term, ongoing coaching and mentoring practices for teachers so they can (and are accountable for) staying up-to-date with evidence-based (read: student-centered!!!) pedagogical approaches.

That doesn't just happen from inside one classroom, or even on the backs of the genuinely great classroom teachers currently making that sacrifice for their students. Other people- more people than just the education field itself- need to give a shit and make an effort, too.

[misdeliria]

GREEK TRAGEDY; SATORU GOJO tw: alcoholism & depression ->SEE YOU AGAIN (pt1)

It's been two days since Satoru left Yuji at your apartment—two long, excruciating days with a teenager invading your space.

With nothing on your agenda, you stayed home and drank, much to Yuji's dismay.

"Isn't there anything else we can do?" He asked, bored after another rerun rolled its credits.

"Feel free to take a walk," you answer, rising to your feet to grab yourself another drink.

"Sensei Gojo told me about you. You went to Jujutsu Tech, too?"

"It's interview hour now?" You cleared an entire shelf and the left cubby to make room for Yuji's food and drinks—everything else was dedicated to your stash of beer. "Do you want something to drink?"

"You mean the juice boxes you got me?" Yuji pouts, and you catch his side-eye.

Rolling your eyes, you release a tired sigh. "Satoru used to like these juice boxes. You're so much like him; I assumed you would, too."

"You think I'm like Sensei Gojo?" Yuji's eyes gleam as you mention his mentor. "What was he like when you went to school?"

You bark a laugh, taking a swig from your fresh bottle. "Arrogant. Satoru was an arrogant little- thing."

"He was as strong back then as he is now?" Yuji's eyes practically glowed.

Eyeing the kid's wide-eyed expression, you bite your tongue before you can bash his teacher.

You take another sip and tell him, "He wasn't as strong back then. Didn't even have his infinity yet, but he could really land a hit."

"What's an infinity?"

"It's one of his main techniques nowadays," you say waving your hand. "He makes a barrier over his body; makes it impossible to touch him. You could wrap your hand around his wrist, and he'd still slip right through your fingers."

"How does his technique work?"

"I don't know," you huff, falling onto the couch again as the next rerun starts. You chug a quarter of your drink to wash away the growing irritation. "You'll have to ask him yourself."

Yuji, cross-legged on the rug, looks up at you expectantly.

"Well, what's your technique?"

Your brow twitches and you grip the arm the couch.

"I don't use it anymore. I quit Jujutsu."

"I'd still like to know," Yuji presses sweetly. "Sensei Gojo says that yo-"

"Hey, kid," you cut him off firmly, sending him a dark look from your elevated seat. "Don't push it."

Thankfully, Yuji isn't disheartened, but he pouts petulantly—and it's almost a mirror image of your former blue-eyed classmate.

A few minutes roll by without conversation, with the noise from the tv filling the silence. And then, a knock at the door.

Perfect timing, you roll your eyes. "It's open!"

"No, it's not," Satoru's amused chirp echoes from the foyer.

"Thanks for knocking," you grumble, sinking into your seat as you clutch your drinker tighter.

Yuji was on his feet the moment Satoru stepped into the room, but you couldn't be bothered, trying to focus on your show. The Gojo sorcerer wisely prepared with his sunglasses and dressed in his casual clothes.

"I come bearing gifts." Satoru cheers with Yuji as the kid jumps on him, reaching for one of the few bags hanging from Satoru's limbs.

As they roughhouse in your living space, you suppress the urge to blast the tv speakers to drown them out. You're not drunk enough for this.

After a certain point of being ignored, Satoru approaches you. He crouches low on the floor, within your line of sight to the tv without directly blocked the screen.

Tilting his head to the side like a dog, he smiles softly—sincerely.

Pointedly avoiding him, you decide then to turn the tv up louder.

Calling your name over the noise, Satoru's expression turns serious. A staring contest takes place for roughly a minute before you break.

"I'm only pausing because I need another drink, damn it."

Satoru follows you into the kitchen and all around your apartment, wherever you turn to avoid him. Yuji watches, entertained from his new front seat on the couch.

"Did you just swing by to get on my nerves? Your student is waiting for you," you remind him, drastically losing patience.

"I wanted to talk to you about that. I've gotta take Yuji out. Let him get some training in."

"Do whatever you want," you tell him over your shoulder, refusing to look at him when he's dressed so casually—so familiar. "You're paying for it all, I'm just living here."

"Why don't you step out and join us?"

"I don't want to," I sigh, spinning on my heel and returning to the couch, dropping into the cushion beside Yuji. "I've got my drink. I've got my show. I'll be good until you wanna drop the kid back off."

"Well, I grabbed some snacks from that store you used to like, so," Satoru trails off as he struggles to find words. "Yuji, let's get some practice in."

Yuji jumps to his feet with excitement. Satoru wraps an arm over the kid's shoulder and looks at you one last time.

"We won't be back too late," he assures you, but you unpause your show and take a heavy pull from your drink.

The next moment, they're gone, and your show turns into white noise. The bright blue paper bag Satoru left on your counter taunts you with the memories tied to it.

—

"So, what's wrong with her?" Yuji asks softly later in the night. He thinks of how Satoru's expression tightens whenever he's around you or the octave of his voice changes to something heavyhearted.

"She's just tired," Satoru answers, adjusting his blindfold. He'll have to switch it out when he returns Yuji to you. "She's lost a lot because of curses. It's why we need to work hard to eliminate them."

"Is that why she doesn't fight curses anymore?" Yuji understands this topic is sensitive after treading carefully around you for the past few days and sensing the tender manner in which Satoru treats you. "Who did she lose?"

Satoru keeps quiet, schooling his face to keep his answers to himself.

"She was strong when we were in school. Not as strong as me, but she could hold her own," he reminisces fondly, quirking the corners of his lips. "In this world, death is an old friend. You get too comfortable with it and lose yourself a little more every time. It was better that she left before it was too late."

"Is that what it's like for you?" Yuji looked up at his teacher. "Is that why she's mad at you? Because you stayed?"

Satoru roughly ruffled Yuji's hair to silence him. "What's with the first degree?" He laughs playfully. "I hope you're not bothering her so much with questions like these."

"She doesn't get as upset when you're not there," Yuji tells him with downcasted eyes. "She's like a ghost. I think she forgets I'm there sometimes."

"She's drinking the whole time?"

Yuji shrugs, looking away ashamed. "Yeah, but it's not like she's trying to ignore me. It looks like she's miles away in her head."

Satoru sighs through his nose. "Either way, she shouldn't drink so much while watching you."

"Don't be upset with her," Yuji quietly requests. "She didn't ask for me to be there."

When the two boys return to your abode, the TV is off, and you're seated at the cheap dining table. Satoru's blue bag sits untouched in front of you. It's silent and still and suffocating.

"Yuji, take the room tonight," you say with your back facing them. "Go. Now."

Yuji looks at Satoru first, and when his teacher encourages him with a nod, the pink-haired boy reluctantly retreats.

Around him, Satoru can see through your cursed energy. It envelopes the room like a domain, creating a convincing illusion for Yuji but not for his Six Eyes.

The living space appears clean and well-kept, but you've torn up the kitchen and living room like a wild animal. You flipped the couch over in your rampage, and there's broken ceramic all over the floor. Remarkably, Yuji avoided stepping on any of it on his way to the bedroom. You ripped Satoru's piece offering apart at the center of it all, and the food is smashed and sprinkled everywhere.

"You put quite an effort into hiding your tantrum," Satoru breaks the veil of silence that's fallen over. He knows Yuji is pressed against the closed door, trying to hear as much as possible.

"Nothing has changed," you seethe quietly, shoulders trembling. "You're going to get the kid fucking killed." Satoru can hear the lodge in your throat as he remains behind you.

"His name is Yuji," Satoru insists. "He's here for his protection."

"He's here so you can train him like a soldier without the fucking higher-ups interfering," you say bitterly. "You're punishing me for leaving."

"That's not what I'm doing," Satoru promises, his shoulders growing heavy. "He has to learn how to protect himself."

"He isn't you, Satoru. He's going to die."

"You didn't."

You're quiet for a moment, mulling over his rebuttal. "I might as well have."

You withdraw your illusion, and the terror you caused in your home reveals itself. Empty bottles litter the floor next to broken ceramic. Your hair is unkempt, and your clothes are dirty.

"You don't mean that. You're drunk."

You laugh, but it's empty, devoid of humor. Rising from your seat, you pick up the chair from the top and swing it at Satoru. It smashes to splinters an inch away from his arm. He doesn't even flinch.

"You bring back these fucking memories," you croak, swinging again. It doesn't land. "You bring a kid here for me to protect." Another swing. "You're a fucking asshole!" You keep swinging until there's nothing left of the chair.

You hear your name called quietly, but it's not Satoru. Yuji stands in the opening with wide eyes, taking in the destruction. You're panting, and Satoru is standing untouched.

When you're distracted by Yuji, Satoru slides his hand up to your neck, hating the way you flinch before tears finally run down your face. You easily allow him to render you unconscious, and the Gojo descendant catches your limp body.

Yuji says nothing when Satoru takes you to your room and lays you on the bed.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" The young boy whispers like he might wake you up.

Satoru slowly takes off his glasses and gently sets them aside. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he carefully takes your hand, staring at your serene expression in torment.

He finally says, "She begged me to leave with her—the higher-ups excommunicated our friend, and she wanted to go after him. I wouldn't let her."

"Is…is your friend-" Yuji knew the answer, but Satoru's curt nod shed light on your tragedy.

"She is trying to ignore you, Yuji. You can't let her."

The drinking and the mess outside flash through Yuji's mind. No matter how much you drank in front of him, you were always coherent in your conversations, hinting at frustration but nonetheless reciprocal.

Yuji's brows pull together in sadness. "What if she doesn't want to, sir?"

The weak smile that grows across Satoru's lips, gleaming blue eyes blessing you, is wrought with pain.

"I'm a selfish man, Yuji…and I won't let this world keep taking from me."

—

"We could leave. Please, Satoru, let's go." You're begging him, pulling at his sleeves. "We could find Suguru and help him. He needs us."

He's gone, Satoru thinks. Suguru left you, disregarding your feelings.

"You're acting insane," he says bitterly, wanting nothing more but to cave in. "We can't just leave Japan without sorcerers."

"We can, though," you argue, tears welling as you stare at Satoru desperately. "We could take Megumi and Tsumiki with us. We could save them from this life, Satoru."

"And everyone else? People will keep dying."

"You're willing to risk Megumi's life for a stranger? My life?"

"None of you are going to die," Satoru says plainly like it's divine intervention.

"Haibara is already dead! Do I need to remind you?" You hiss, confused and heartbroken. "Please, Satoru."

He thought he could hear your heart breaking back then. When he rejected you, he walked away, leaving his heart with you.

And in your dedication to Satoru, you stayed despite your longing. You stayed for years, quiet and suffering, knowing how Satoru couldn't choose you.

When Suguru died, you still couldn't keep yourself away—because you loved the strongest sorcerer that killed him. And as much as Satoru loved you in return, he wouldn't change. Not even for you.

[graysongraysoff]

Tagged by @takethewatch to post the first ten songs on my Spotify On Repeat playlist on shuffle so let's do this thing:

Wouldn't You Like by TROY - Starting off strong with a banger (I am going to think they are all bangers I fear that is why they are on repeat lol). I've been listening to more EPIC: The Musical recently because one of my cousin's kids is really into it and I want them to think I am cool, lol. Easily my favorite song from the Circe Saga, very catchy, gets stuck in my head all the time, thenk you Jorge for casting Hermes so right.

abnormalize by Ling tosite shigure - This is the opening to the anime Psycho-Pass which honestly?? Underrated show. And underrated OP!!!

Itty Bitty by Ashnikko - I fear I may be entering my Ashnikko era tbh bc every song of hers that Spotify has served me has slapped, but this one especially so. Just a crazy catchy hook. And yes okay fine I associate it with my OC Hikaru when she's in her slut era after she graduates from high school but before she starts working in Tokyo. I will not be shamed!!!!

It's Alright by Mother Mother - CRIES DEEPLY THIS IS A YUJI ITADORI SONG!!!!!! (Side note I love that because my cat's name is Yuji I have to specify when I am talking about the character lol.) My bestie played this for me in the car a while back and said it was Higuruma re Yuji and I have not been able to separate it from that context since, as far as I am concerned that is literally what it is about. Like it's ok!!! It's not your fault!!! You don't need to shoulder so much responsibility!!!! WAH!!!!

Sports car by Tate McRae - I literally have no memory of this place lmfao I have no idea how this song got here like who is she??? Like it sounds sort of familiar so it must be on a playlist I listened to a few times or something but it does not stand out to me the way the others have so far. I mean it's good though I guess???? Lmao.

dead2me by Ellise - Fucking LOVE!!!!!! This song to the point I'm worried I'll wear it out lol. "Said you'd die for me... so do it," like everyone yassed!!!!!! Extremely iconic. The little "aahh-AH!"

JOYRIDE. by Kesha - I mean, what can I say that hasn't already been said. She truly ate with this one.

I'm So Happy by Bruses - Glad we got both Spanish and Japanese represented on this list lol. This was on a Discover Weekly I believe? And I immediately sent it to my sister, lol, bc I knew she would appreciate a Spanish language bop. I love that it has like a distinctively Latin beat but it's still very much a dark pop song with great use of autotune and some deep vibey electronica energy.

Six Hundred Strike by Jorge Rivera-Herrans and Steven Rodriguez - I saw a TikTok edit of Roy Mustang burning the fuck out of Envy set to the part of this song where Odysseus is torturing Poseidon and I mean. I mean!!!!!!!

The Giver by Chappell Roan - The thing that gets me about Chappell Roan (in addition to the fact that her voice is beautiful and her style is such a seamless and unique blend of different genre influences and I'm in love with her) is that lyrically she is just such a good writer. Like in a funny way she reminds me of how I feel about the band CAKE (who incidentally also blend a lot of genre influences in a very unique way) — when I was first introduced to CAKE as a kid I remember literally thinking like when teachers say "Well music is technically poetry!" like this is what they meant, and I feel the same way about Chappell's lyrics. She's just so clever, like not only will she carry a really inventive extended metaphor through a whole track but she makes it sound easy. This one isn't a metaphor, exactly, but the way she dances around the song's theme of "I will make you come" without ever saying anything really sexual and yet still managing to sound completely natural??? Like it's not the kind of innuendo that makes you roll your eyes, it is actually just so gracefully done. Like the finesse!!!!

Can you TELL that she was my top artist last year??? 😆 Glad I got this opportunity to simp over Chappell Roan's lyrics for a bit with you all.

For this meme I would like to tag: @arealcrow, @boltlightning, @humblegoat, @appolojustice, @pyrrhlc, @kitterjitters and @antique-romantic! And as always anyone else reading this who wants to give it a shot ❤️

[amelikos]

Stray thoughts on Friede.

Just observations from the recent episodes.

I can't help but notice the continuing thread of making Friede take a step back narratively so the trio can handle things themselves and showcase their respective knowledge. A process that has started to gain momentum even more ever since chapter 3 which was about the trio training and growing more independently (we already saw the trio acting on their own ever since chapter 1, such as when Liko was able to retrieve her pendant from Spinel in HZ016 with Roy and Dot's help, etc). While the first year was about Friede acting as a safety net and teaching the kids various things until they grew enough so that they could train on their own in Terastal Debut. Chapter 3's concept cannot exist or be consistent without the first two chapters leading up to it.

Quite literally in this week's episode too (re: making Friede take a step back) since Friede was holding off the wild Pokemon while letting everyone else go ahead without him. And next week's preview states that Friede will not be there to fight Basagiri, so it feels like the writing is deliberately isolating Friede from the trio so that they can get Basagiri on board with them, while Friede will be there after the battle to witness the results of their growth after Basagiri does join them..? Friede was there to help Liko and Roy various times with the previous Heroes they encountered, like back when they met Galar Fire and Lapras. Both times with Galar Fire and Lapras, Friede was able to pinpoint their location (in Galar Fire's case, Friede had to help during the battle to make Liko's strategy work and in Lapras's case, he was the one who understood that Lapras was tricking them etc). And this time, the trio was able to gather hints about Basagiri's location on their own, while Friede joined them at the end.

Not sure where I'm going with this but. Friede fits the mentor character archetype. The wiser older figure who serves as a teacher and guide to the protagonist to help them develop the skills they lack and overcome obstacles.

That, coupled with: Friede observing the kids' growth twice so far in this chapter (HZ068 and HZ072), Dot singling him out as the reason she was able to start traveling on the ship (he was the one who invited her, which led Dot to eventually meeting Liko and Roy etc.. either way, we got an in-universe reminder that Friede's presence was meaningful to Dot and his invitation was important to her). We also got to have reminders that Friede is talented, smart and respected (and hot) (and pathetic) in his field of study, since Sazare uses his research as a basis to look for Pokemon to take pictures of.. and Friede beating Zeiyu at every challenge, too (casually setting him as someone strong).

Anyway, I'm writing all of this because I'm still curious about this specific Friede scene in the opening. I am aware that me picking up on the stuff I wrote above could just be a case of bias, since I feel like the scene in the opening has a potential ominous feeling to it, so. Either way, Friede is the mentor and making such a character take a step back narratively so the protagonist can stand on their own is a common story beat. And it's currently what is happening in Horizons. Now whether the mentor character (Friede) will go through something bad or not, is another matter entirely. Some stories kill off their mentors (it won't happen in Horizons of course), some others don't, but incapacitate their mentors somehow so the protagonist can save them. Either way, I'm just taking note of the Friede focus in the recent episodes, which has him watching over and pointing out the trio's growth (which is something that happened because of his direct involvement in their lives) and that we have fresh reminders of the kind of person Friede is (knowledgeable, strong, etc).

(Also, I'm avoiding the words "the trio doesn't /need/ Friede anymore" because I don't agree with downplaying characters and their respective roles in a story, etc. Especially since the RVT all help each other in their own ways and people need community. And this is not the Explorers situation where someone like Amethio doesn't exactly have someone to guide him (which is also why Friede is important in his character arc, because he is there to be someone that no one else in his life is) and is thrown out/considered unneeded once his actions are perceived as a "betrayal". My perspective is "the trio is growing with Friede's/everyone else's help and they are now able to do things on their own that they weren't able to do before, precisely because they were in an environment which allowed them to reach that point".)

[hanbindans]

ways they're comforting (hyung line)

a/n: listening more closely to the in bloom lyrics ruined me so I'm posting this from my drafts. I'll get to the maknae line soon enough but since I already wrote the hyungs I'll post them first. enjoy me screaming into the void 🤍

jiwoong

you're like the older brother I never had. there's something comforting in the way you are exactly how I want to be when I grow up; considerate and caring and willing to love someone regardless of their flaws- kind to others but more importantly to yourself. you remind me that it's possible to go through all the stages of adolescence and young adulthood, and both see and feel so much hopelessness and negativity and doubt, and still be able to see happiness in all the small things. like finding peace in petting a small, fluffy animal. you've become the type of adult we all look up to. I'm so proud of you.

hao

I don't know, I just see so much of myself in you. in the way you were the smart kid who did well in school, the kid who worked hard at everything he did, the kid who got compliments from teachers and other people's parents. you could have had anything you wanted- you would have done what it takes to achieve it- and you chose with your heart. people probably had a lot of (high) expectations on you and you made a decision that was for you- something that you really wanted- and you worked as hard as you always did because you knew that you could do it if you really wanted to. I envy your courage to chose with your heart and follow your dreams. maybe one day I can learn it from you.

hanbin

sometimes I think that I can see when your perfect mask starts to slip and your facade cracks a little, and you race to patch up the holes before anyone takes notice. it's okay. I do it too. in some ironic way it makes you even more relatable. there's so much good in you and there's even more desire to be good, do good, make it overflow and spread to everyone around you and paint the whole world in yellows, smiley-faces and sunflowers. "don't regret what you do". I'm not sure if it's meant for me or for yourself. I hope it's for yourself. I hope you let yourself be bright, loving, and most importantly happy, even if it makes you imperfect, more raw, and easier to hurt. people will be ready to love you just as you are. they will love you because they want to return the good you have given. you make me want to do more good.

matthew

there's something very genuine in the way you carry yourself. it's unfair to just call it "unfiltered"- I think I would call it unapologetic, authentic, honest. you're not the type of person to lie about what type of music you listen to or order a plain salad when you're with people you don't know too well. I still have a feeling that you want to be impressive, but you don't try hard to impress. you want to do and be and try so many different things but you won't do it anything at your own expense. you will always say what's on your mind, always do things your way, even if not everyone agrees with you, because it's your life and you won't live it for others. it's admirable. please don't ever start apologising for the way you are.

taerae

I love how you're the colour yellow personified. from the duck emojis to the way you laugh at every joke like they're the funniest thing you've ever heard. you're so warm and fun and I just want to be around you all the time so I can re-learn how to be silly and not wince at the way my face scrunches up when I laugh. it's like you've already figured it out. how to be kind and caring and happy without being scared of being soft and vulnerable. there's so much comfort but also stability and security radiating from you and it's so infectious. I hope you never waver from that. I hope your laugh will always fill up the room and you will keep drawing your ducks and you will keep making your silly little poses. you seem like you're having so much fun.

[bcbdrums]

Fave character from an oldy show / fave line from Soul Eater / how would u handle it if u were the Tweebs' music teacher?

i see you.... heheh thank you for the ask.

How does one choose...between their children... No seriously this is hard. Top choices I'm stuck between are Adam Cartwright from Bonanza, Al Calavicci from Quantum Leap, H.M. Murdock from The A-Team, or Spock from Star Trek. I love them ALL for very different reasons, but they all have things in common. Dark and angsty characters with difficult lives (in different ways) who struggle to overcome things and never quite achieve their peace... And...while the character I've spent the most time on is probably Spock, I think ultimately I have to go with Adam. I suppose I relate the most closely to him, because his struggle is so human and relatable to many. A good upbringing not without challenge, a steady adulthood offered to him...but he simply is never satisfied. And we never get an ending for him in canon! So he appeals to me and my creative side, both as an exploration of himself and as a way to process through some things of my own. Al, Murdock, and Spock all a semblance of peace in the end or at least we're told they get it (some more than others/in unique ways) but Adam just...vanishes, and we never truly know. So I guess he'd be the fave pick. (But how can one choose a favorite child, heheh.)

I chose from the anime because I need to re-read the manga (even tho I do have a favorite manga moment). And I must give must preamble to this... So you know how from Death the Kid's very first introduction he's falling on the ground and having fits about possibly having done something wrong, leaving something asymmetrical (which...symmetry for him is symbolic of the balance between good and evil, which he as a Reaper must uphold), and in these fits he has he calls himself worthless garbage and he's basically given up in all of these situations and his weapons have to talk him out of it and it takes a lot of effort? And these moments are always played comedically right up until one moment... His final moment of development in the anime, right before facing down against Asura... After first he thinks he can't help, then Lord Death is defeated, and so he resolves to protect the world. He has one more of these self-deprecating rants, but...this time it's spoken to this dad, who he thinks could be dead. This time it's not calling himself worthless for a lack of symmetry, but not worthy to be his father's son... You really feel the weight of everything he's been going through up to this moment. BUT...this time... Instead of declaring himself worthless and that's the end of it, Kid says, "Maybe I don't have what it takes to do this... But... I can try!" That's my favorite line from Soul Eater.

I'm thinking of them at their age in the beginning, as ten year olds. So first of all they'd be percussionists in the 5th grade band cuz they'd get to do a variety of things. Since that wouldn't be enough, I'd give them extra (optional of course) challenges to learn some solo pieces for percussion. And knowing they'd wanna take everything apart and make new things, I'd also hang around with them after school to show them instrument maintenance on all types, explain how all the things work. And if I had some instruments broken beyond repair (we often do and keep them for spare parts) I'd let them play with those in whatever way pleased them. Lol they'd likely make their own frankenstein'd instrument... Or do chemical experiments on the brass since there's some toxicity risks.... Yeah. And that's just band (but I'm tired now so that's what you get lol). Meanwhile, I'm operating on the assumption that they are good, well-behaved kids at school unless they're either bored out of their minds or the teacher is lousy.

[toxicpositivitybuddie]

2024 fic roundup!

I got tagged to do this by @cal-daisies-and-briars and @inell!

This year I wrote 16 fics, with a total word count of 67,200! I didn't write anything until May because I was sort of between fandoms at the beginning of the year until I started watching 911, so we'll start with May! *ed fics are my personal favorites!

If you haven't read my stuff, hopefully you'll see something that interests you!

May

no one's ever had me (not like you)

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Teacher!Buck with Daniel Lives!

This was my first work in this fandom, and it was fun, and I still like it but I think that I definitely got a better hold on the characters as I went on. Re-reading a bit ago I could definitely tell I was still trying to figure out exactly how to find their voices.

Summary: “Uhm, excuse me? Excuse - “ Evan turns to find a man - a very very attractive man - in a faded army t-shirt and sunglasses shielding his eyes standing in front of him. Evan is so distracted by the man’s arms that he nearly doesn’t see that he actually does have a kid with him. “Hi, can you help me?”

“Uh - “ Evan feels stupid. Maybe his parents were right about him and he’s just really dumb. He doesn’t even remember what he’s doing here. “Uh, yes. That’s my…job? Yes, that’s what I’m here for.”

-or-

an au where Daniel didn't die, and eventually Buck became a teacher. Chris' teacher, to be exact.

June

as the decade would play us for fools *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Army Buddies AU

This is my most popular fic of the year and in the fandom. It's my second most kudo-ed fic of all time. I really love it, and it's hard to believe it was only my second 911/buddie fic. I'm so proud of it, and I'm really really glad that other people in fandom seem to love it!

Summary: “Don’t look, Buck, but I think you might have some competition.” Chim sounds way too amused for his own good.

Buck’s eyes settled onto the naked, beautiful, toned torso of a man. Buck is really good at schooling his face until his eyes slide up to the new recruit’s face and suddenly the jealousy and tension fades away.

“Diaz!?” Buck’s already walking towards the locker room when Eddie looks up. The shocked surprise on his face is evident. And, well.

;or

Buck and Eddie met in basic training. Buck hasn't seen Eddie since the day he left the army, but he's never forgotten him.

think i really want this (i'm not even kidding)

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Buck adopts a baby AU

This was the fic I wrote for my partner, @itsabeenado's birthday. It was a lot of fun to just play with Buck as a Dad. I got the idea and had to write it. I also used elements from Ted Lasso's anonymous dating app plot because that was just fun. Also Shannon is alive because I can do that if I want.

Summary: He’d deleted all of his dating apps when he adopted Camille but this feels different. Maybe if nothing else he can find some other single parents to commiserate about how hard it is. Buck knows he chose this life, but it would be nice to have someone who didn’t remind him of that every time he was sad he couldn’t go out with the team because there wasn’t another person at home to pick up parenting duties for a couple of hours. It might be nice to have friends who get how hard being a single parent is.

;or

Buck adopts a baby girl, meets Eddie Diaz, and makes a friend. Somewhere along the way he falls in love.

July

pauses, then says you're my best friend (you knew what it was) *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Twitter fic; SWIFTIE FIREFIGHTERS ORIGIN STORY

I'm not gonna lie this is probably an OOC mess but it was fun and silly and I'm a swiftie so I wanted to make my boys swifties and challenge myself to tell a story in this way. I love sm aus and boy I found it *so* hard to tell a story without narrative. I have so much respect for people who specialize in epistolary story telling. Also I fucking love the OCs I created for this fic. They were so much fun and I really want to write a sequel some day so I can play with them again.

Summary: bbuckley: well chim got called into work because SOMEONE – @ragingravi – got food poisoning last night so now maddie can’t come to taylor

bbuckley: it’s okay i just pouted at @ediaz118 until he agreed to come

ediaz118: god help me i have lost control of my ability to say no to @bbuckley

or;

buck drags eddie to a taylor swift concert. wackiness ensues.

the sign on your heart says it's still reserved for me

Buck/Eddie; Gen Audiences; Prompt Fill

What it says on the tin. Cute little prompt fill about coming out to Chris.

Summary: “Do you think he was really okay with it?” Buck wipes his hands over his jeans. “Like, I know he likes me. We hang out all the time! It’s just - “

“Are you really asking if Chris is okay with us dating? I can’t believe you ever thought there was a chance he might not be, Buck.”

and the way you keep the world at bay for me *

Buck/Eddie; Gen Audiences; Prompt Fill

BIRTHMARK KISSING.

Summary: “It’s, uh. A birthmark. No one hit me.” Most people would think he says it in good humor, and mostly he does, but Eddie knows Buck well enough to detect the hint of annoyance there - the slight whisper of insecurity.

“You know, my dad is one of the best dermatologists in LA. He works on the Kardashians.” She giggles. “I bet he could fix that for you. I’ll tell him you saved my life.”

gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around

BuddieTommy; General Audiences; Prompt Fill

Cute little fic about Tommy and Buck taking Eddie on a date.

Summary: “You know, it’s okay if you need Eddie, too. I won’t be jealous. It’s not like I haven’t always known - “

“Known what!?”

“That you and Eddie are important to each other.” Tommy sounds like he’s being careful with his words, and it makes Buck feel a buzzing under his skin, like Tommy’s seeing something he doesn’t want seen, not even by himself.

“He’s my best friend.”

or-

tommy takes buck and eddie on a date. it just takes buck a minute.

August

i choose you and me, religiously

Buck/Eddie (Buck/Tommy Break-Up); Mature; Cheating-Ish Fic.

IDK, man. Y'all know I love Tommy and Buck/Tommy. But I got real obsessed with this song and I wanted to kind of write a fic based onto it. No Tommy Bashing. Also I wrote this on a fucking airplane from San Diego to Dallas. That's all.

Summary: “Are you going to stand in the doorway or follow me to the kitchen?”

“Oh right, yeah. Kitchen.” Buck reminds himself he has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that really cares about him and is also very attractive. With a lot of muscles and can lift him off the ground in one move. Eddie is his best friend.

Buck is really, really, a lot more drunk than he initially thought.

He stands at the counter while Eddie gets him a glass of water and sits it in front of him.

“Why did you come here?” Eddie smiles, big bright brown eyes and soft smile.

“I don’t know. Just thought I hadn’t been over in a while. I wanted to see you.”

;or

Buck has a boyfriend but he can't stop thinking about his best friend.

and you'll say lets run away now

Buck/Eddie (Buck/Taylor Break-Up); Teen; Eddie Does Not Hold His Peace

Again, I just wanted to write a fic based on Speak Now because it's a fun little song. I didn't want to break up Buck and Tommy again, though, so I used Buck and Taylor.

Summary: His job today is to stand up with Buck and be happy for him. To hand him the ring when Bobby asks him to - because of course Bobby is performing the ceremony. Eddie knows he’s not the only one who thinks this is a bad idea. He couldn’t be, right?

Buck and Taylor shouldn’t be getting married.

or -

Eddie is around when they say speak now (or something like it)

if our love starts to grow out of control

BuddieTommy; Mature; Buck and Eddie get married in Vegas. Tommy thinks it's funny.

This was actually the first idea I ever got in this fandom, but I could never quite get what I wanted out of it. I decided to post it as a wip and this is why I don't ever write wips. IDK if anything will ever come of it, but it works decent as a little one-shot too, I guess. I hope I do manage to come back to it some day though.

Summary: “Come on. I’m on shift practically all weekend. Why don’t you and Eddie take a boys trip to Vegas? You could probably both use the distraction.”

“You wouldn’t want to fly us there, would you?”

“Can’t, sorry.” Tommy laughs to himself. “Honestly, I probably would if I didn’t have to be on call in the morning. Go on, have a road trip, eat some fast food, and do something crazy with your best friend.”

or;

Tommy suggests Buck and Eddie get away for the weekend and do something crazy. And, well, they end up married.

so honey hold my hand like you're making me wait for it

BuddieTommy; Teen; Popstar Buck, Firefighter Eddie, and Bodyguard Tommy

This is another one that I have a wide amount of backstory in my head for and eventually wanted to do more with. It works as a little one shot but. Sigh.

Summary: “Did you make it into the venue alright?”

Buck looks up at Eddie, much to his make up artists’ annoyance. He’s got to be on stage in twenty minutes, and he hasn’t seen his boyfriend in months. The long distance of telephones and facetime, or if it’s a really busy day for one of them, text have been the only thing holding them together since Buck had left for his long tour.

He never regretted his career choice until he met Eddie Diaz.

or,

Buck is a popstar. Eddie is his boyfriend. Tommy saves their lives. A lot.

September

now i found myself this kinda love (i can't believe it)

Buck/Tommy; Teen; Photographer Buck AU

I really just wanted to write a Buck/Tommy fic because I hadn't yet, and this was a fun little AU idea I got and I couldn't help myself.

Summary: “Evan Buckley. I’m the photographer for the shoot.” He holds out his hand, but Tommy is distracted by his - quite honestly ridiculous blue eyes and it takes him way too long to shake his head out of it and extend his own hand.

“I’m Eddie, in case anyone was wondering.” The other guy - Mr. 118, Eddie - supplies, voice laced with humor.

“I know your name, asshole.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Eddie.” He clears his throat. “And, uh. Evan. It’s nice to meet you.”

;or

Evan is the photographer for the LAFD firefighter calendar, and Tommy is Mr. June.

October

time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Tis the Damn Season AU

THIS FIC!!!! This fic nearly murdered me. At one point I thought it was going to be like 10 chapters and 100k or something and I really had to real myself in and tell the story in a soft and simple way. But I have so many different parts in my head. I know their whole backstory. I know their future. I know so many little details. I think I lived with this fic in my mind in some capacity for months and I breathed it by the time I actually wrote it. I'm proud of how it ultimately came out, though. Once again, Shannon is alive.

Summary: “I’m in El Paso.” Buck fumbles with the hem of his t-shirt, nervously. It’s so annoying that he hasn’t just let himself turn up to Eddie’s parents, asking where he can find Eddie. Helena had always loved him. She wouldn’t question his presence even a little bit. She would probably give him a big hug and invite him in for coffee. He’s just not sure he has that right or place in Eddie’s life anymore.

After all, he was the one who’d taken off.

“You’re - “ There’s a long pause on the other end of the line and then Buck hears the click of a door. “You’re here?”

“Yeah, I had to get out of LA. I was feeling a little suffocated and a lot lost. I’m at my parents’ house.”

;or Buck, Shannon, and Eddie were best friends in high school until it got messy. Buck left the day of their wedding, but now he's injured and he can't go back to work and he just needs to get out of la, so he goes back to his home town.

December

don't love you yet but probably will

BuddieTommy; Teen; Established Buddie

For the BuddieTommy Daily Holiday Exchange! A fun little fic where Buddie are established and bring Tommy in.

Summary: “Whoa, whoa.” Eddie blinks when they walk into the hangar. He hasn’t seen Tommy Kinard in years and now here he is, about to fly them into a fucking hurricane, and apparently he used to be with the 118. There’s a lot of thoughts swirling through Eddie’s mind right now. “Kinard?”

or;

Eddie and Tommy were in the army together, and now here he is, flying them into a hurricane. Also, Eddie's boyfriend is definitely into Tommy. It's fine.

i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it right around) *

BuddieTommy; Teen; Shooting Arc with Established Eddie/Tommy

Pinch Hit for the same exchange. I just. Really love the shooting Arc, and I wanted to fuck Buck up emotionally because it's fun for me to do. And I just thought it'd be a little fun twist to have established Eddie/Tommy instead of Buddie or BuckTommy. Let's put Buck on the outside and see how it goes.

Summary: Buck hasn’t met Eddie’s husband.

Tommy Kinard-Diaz is a commercial pilot who spends most of his time away from home.

And then Eddie gets shot in front of him, is bleeding out in an ambulance and all Buck can do is repeat stay with me stay with me while thinking about Chris at home, unaware that his dad could be dying, and Tommy somewhere in the world probably thinking about coming home to his husband in a couple of days, unaware that his husband is on his way to the hospital with a gunshot wound.

or;

Eddie gets shot, and Buck has not only tell his son but also his commercial pilot husband who could be anywhere in the world right now.

it's all me (in my head) i'm the one who burned us down *

BuddieTommy; Teen; Post 8x06 Confessions Fic with Tommy POV

ohhh my love. I loved this fic. I really enjoyed being in Tommy's head for once, and it was my first time really digging into his POV. When I saw Gat liked angst with a happy ending, I saw the perfect opportunity to play with the break up and see how I could get them to work it out but obviously, I love my BuddieTommy and it was for that exchange so I worked in elements of Buddie and EddieTommy throughout. This is maybe one of my favorite things I've written.

Summary: Tommy allows himself five minutes to sit in the perfect parking spot he’d found at Evan’s building. Five minutes to wonder if he’s doing the right thing. Five minutes to let himself grieve the relationship he briefly thought would be his last. Five minutes.

or;

Tommy broke up with Evan and broke his own heart in the process.

That's only the beginning of the story.

NO PRESSURETagging @lonelychicago, @hawkbutt and any other writer friends who haven't done this yet (though I think most of you have!!!)

[supercantaloupe]

rambling from work (youth orchestra) tonight. ignore me

new part time assistant conductor/manager/violin coach at youth orchestra and it's my beloved violin friend from brahms violin concerto !! i was so delighted to see her i immediately threw my hands open for a hug when she walked into the rehearsal room to help set up before rehearsal tonight. it's good to have another pair of hands helping out since our other asst conductor, while he's wonderful at what he does, can't make every rehearsal all the time due to family commitments. on that note i told maestro that i have to take a required class next semester on wednesday afternoons that will prevent me from being able to get to youth orchestra rehearsals in time to set up before rehearsal starts...but we move. it's an unavoidable conflict (required course for my degree and the last one i need before i can be officially done) so the others will just have to pitch in more to help set up in my absence. i also mentioned that i may have to take a class on tuesday evenings which would overlap and conflict with orchestra rehearsals, but it turns out that won't even be an issue because la boheme in the spring is gonna be a reduced orchestration with only one oboe part so i wasn't even gonna be on the hook anyway. so continuing my current arrangement of attending one rehearsal a week (thurs only instead of thurs and tues outside of concert weeks) will work just fine next spring. while i'm slightly disappointed i won't get to play another opera it will undeniably be a weight off my shoulders in terms of scheduling stress, also now i get to actually watch it which will be fun. anyway maestro also introduced the new assistant/violin teacher to our org managing director by calling her a wonderful player and concertmistress (correct) she was like "you're being too nice" and maestro was like "i'm not being nice it's just true" LOL. i get it girl he talks about me the same way. actually when we were leaving the building tonight i ended up chatting with maestro in the parking lot a little about work and money. as great as the vienna trip looks on paper i'm kind of doubtful it will end up happening bc apparently the sign up numbers are kind of low and we can't run the trip if we don't get a big enough crowd. and i understand why, the price for the trip is...a lot. i don't remember exactly what the cost of the italy trip i went on in my youth orchestra days was but i would hazard to say this vienna trip is twice the price...yikes. maestro was telling me how even with all his different jobs he feels like everything has gotten so expensive what with inflation and taxes and everything that it's getting tough to keep up financially with everything. i don't even have a mortgage or kids but man i feel him. i said i'm just glad to have my fellowship, i'm getting two master's degrees for basically free (plus a modest living stipend which really doesn't cover living in this stupid city very well lol but i'm hustling). this youth orchestra managing gig, i'm grateful to have it, and the extra cash on the side is certainly appreciated, but i am not doing it for the money. apparently neither is maestro because he told me it's probably his worst paying gig despite it being the biggest and most well funded organization and performance venue...lol. but then he got to suggesting different people he knows (most of whom i also know albeit kind of poorly and tangentially) i should talk to re: work and also suggesting different positions i should look into once i'm done my degrees like librarian for [redacted local orchestra]. because what this current gig lacks in terms of payment, it is a huge boon to me in terms of experience and resume power...i mean i'm scarcely 24 and i have a managing job under my belt already. that's going to be huge for me once i start looking for full time work after grad school...hopefully. we'll see i guess. anyway maestro told me that i'm "amazing as always" and then went to his car to go home

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

You know what, since even some actual heavy book readers enjoyed trying my writing, I no longer feel shame to be a writer who doesn't read books.

Many people like to yell that being a writer without reading is like being a musician who doesn't listen to music or sth. You are just too biased, is all. You forget that before books were a thing people passed stories around by word of mouth and then eventually when they finally started writing them, they could add things like structure appropriate for sth readable, details that perhaps they forgot while re-narrating to someone else etc. You see I do admit that in order to write a book you need to follow some "rules" to make it more readable than hearing a story by sb, but storytelling comes in many forms, like word of mouth and you can learn from that too. I'm more of a visual person, books bore me no matter how good they are and I tried to get back to reading several times when I got in the writing community, so that I could fit in and build a following based on what I can actually do. Cause many people would avoid even trying my stuff when they found that out. But yeah I never got back to it. I read a lot as a kid, but fairytales, comics and stuff like that, which involved pictures and were most times short. Even my biggest books are actually collections of short stories with pictures. I've always been more into such stories and yet, during childhood I was often seen as a storyteller and writer by my teachers. Sure I'm having hard time describing things as eloquently as an avid reader but I have got better. That's not some talent given to me randomly one day, I've analyzed the shit out of several stories in my life. They just weren't in books. They were in movies, music and videogames. "But you can't structure a good book without fucking read-" DON'T READ MY BOOK! Simple.

Hell there was a time many things weren't normal about being a specific type of writer, some examples: being a woman writer, or writing horror or erotica...and then someone popped up and did that, one time against all odds and then more people who wanted to try did, and then what happened? It became normal in the literature world.

Arts are a form of expression. So you can bark all you want but not everyone is going to express themselves the way you do or even the way the majority of people do. Ever since I tried joining the community I found very few people like me but we exist. And we stay quiet to avoid being told how bad we are at what we're doing. I have seen biiig ass bookworms who enjoy writing write awful stories, as well, but their haters point out every single thing they find wrong but forget the fact that those people too read a lot. Reading a lot, alone, doesn't make you a better writer, imo. You must sit down with the story you have in front of you, analyze it, see why it worked for you and others didn't and write write write. Practice makes perfect. And if you can't read much like me, go listen to music, watch movies, play videogames, listen to people narrating stories on youtube or at a slumber party or sth.

Express yourself anyhow you want. Research your stuff, read some rules and pick what's right for you. You will still grow as a writer and find your type of readers eventually. Look at painters! Back when internet wasn't a thing and picture books or buying paintings were a luxury, you think poor painters gave up their passion because they couldn't afford those things? No, cause art was everywhere around them. They observed nature, humans and animals. There were and still exist painters with weak or no vision. How do they draw things they can't see? How can they tell what's the correct anatomy of a person or plant etc? With touch. How do they choose their colors? With touch (there's literally a painter on social media out there describing his choosing colors based on the texture of his paint). So why should you as a writer, have to follow one way to learn your craft? How do you learn when letters alone don't work for you?

Please mind your own craft at once and let people do what they love. It literally costs you nth to not be obnoxious about it all the time. Within 1 week, I've seen 5 writers on twitter asking others if they think it's important to read as a writer, which I saw here a lot, too, while I was still in the community, and the hatred under it was crazy. I feel bad for fellow writers who are perhaps shy or don't believe in themselves easily cause seeing other writers being like that is so discouraging, not only for trying to find friends but also for continuing to write as a whole. Seriously fuck haters. Life's too short to limit yourself because of what others think.

[jaggedwolf]

pll rewatch 1x17-1x18

despite what happens at the end of this pair, this feels like a quiet couple of episodes

1x17 is all about parent-teacher conferences. I imagine the teachers' opinions on the liars are

Emily: good kid 👍 could speak up in class more (Pam is satisfied and mentions this in her regular call to Wayne, once she's done being very emotional about Nick McCullers and Emily and all of that) Hanna: she's been skipping classes and got detention at least once for it, (Ashley will vaguely try to remember to discuss this with Hanna and lose it in the hullabaloo of single mom working and lasagna box money. Might even forget to go and Hanna will not remind her.) Spencer: smart kid! ...please give other kids the chance to speak in class (jk jk her parents don't show up to such things, they see her grades and awards online and are like ok satisfactory) Aria: adjusting ok from spending a year in a different country's schooling system (Byron and Ella are both too Ezra-obsessed to care about this :/)

don't ask me which of them is most likely to violate Rosewood's High dress code, I'm not convinced there is one

even when I first watched this show, seeing the scene where Ezra firmly de-escalates Nick McCullers from spewing his shit made me go ....I wish Ella was doing this instead of just looking impressed at him about it

If Emily had to deal with her mom being shit this season, it'd be nice to see one of the other moms be directly good to her about it

instead, Ezra's role above leads into Byron and Ezra having the stupidest conversation about authors. This is a parent-teacher conference! Talk about Aria's education and and not your snobby tastes!

Now that I'm forced to watch these Ezra scenes instead of fast-forwarding through them, can I say that I don't care for his personality either? He's just such a pushover. Why are you so invested in Byron's opinion and need to argue with your underage girlfriend about it? Why do you have zero classroom discipline and who let you direct a school play given that? If you want to take a job at Hollis College so you are less likely to GET ARRESTED for your bad relationship choices why are you immediately running it by said underage girlfriend like you are a married couple deciding to move somewhere.

it's like he used all of his spine against mr mccullers and then had to recharge over the course of the next week

meanwhile why is Aria so pissy about Ezra considering applying to a job at Hollis. HOLLIS IS IN ROSEWOOD AND WOULD MEAN YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NO LONGER YOUR TEACHER. Like, personally, it is still incredibly weird for a 23? 24? year old to be dating a 16 year old, but still way less weird than everything going on here and you can then frickin slow burn the reveal

died of cringe when Aria called him Ezra in school

my final Ezra comment: all of this is made 10x worse by the fact that Byron and Ella clearly think Aria has an acceptable crush on her hot English teacher, because they are bestowing their trust in this high school teacher to not be a goddamn creep about it. alas.

okay moving on to Emily's stuff, where she has a weird time, between the McCullers, her mom, Toby, and Jenna

is a tad odd that we only see Pam and Paige talk to her directly about Nick's rant - her friends and her teachers were right there, and I presume at least the liars did, since later Hanna says on the phone that "Paige is such a knob" re: Nick

in every scene she appears in, Paige looks like she wants to melt off the face of this planet. understandable.

Byron says that Nick is on the library board as well and Ella implies it is not the first time he has brought up the gay agenda....terrible terrible terrible, I'm glad that Rosewood High rallies around Emily here

along with Nick's explicit statements of Emily just getting anchor because she's gay (???) I kinda felt some racial implications this time around, especially with 1x17 having Emily and Pam as the only speaking characters of color

Ella says that "we all know Emily's the best swimmer" which makes what Emily tells Maya in the pilot about just wanting to do her best so funny to me...Emily truly is like I'm just here to have a good time and still does the best and it must drive S1!Paige insane

more insane, that is, because though Paige backs up Pam's assertion that her dad is always looking for someone else to blame, it sounds like the first person he tried blaming was Paige given her little "He wanted to know if I slacked off, but I didn't. You know I didn't." spiel, before he moved on to his homophobia. Because Nick McCullers sure does suck.

Emily's resignation in not mentioning it to her mom because of everything...I'm glad she witnesses Pam going off on Nick.

And then we get the world's worst leadup to a surprise kiss, which was why I knew Emily had to get a car at some point this season. Paige even manages to fuck up apologizing for her dad because she is that wrapped up in her own shit

I think she surprised herself with that kiss. That is the Paige McCullers classic, getting surprised and dismayed by her own reactions.

Emily declines a call from Paige in front of Spencer which leads to a snarky comment from the latter, giving me so many questions. Emily told the liars (or just Spencer) about the head dunk? Spencer must've really felt the heat from her last argument with Emily to not have insisted Emily report that too. Paige is the one calling Emily? Huh.

Speaking of Emily and Spencer, Emily ends up ceding custody of Toby to Spencer. I forgot that the show even has Toby bail on breakfast and have Spencer tell Emily they should call Toby together only for Emily to go no, you should call him yourself (because you both really really need to get laid).

Best A message this week: has to go to A straight up calling an EXTERMINATOR to taunt Hanna that A knows where Caleb is

1x18 is all about the school putting on a production of The Bad Seed, a play in which the 8-year-old killer gets away with everything because her mom is stupid.

Spencer and Hanna are cast in the play, Aria is stage manager, Emily lurks around for so long that I keep going why is she here??? until the very end of the episode mentions she's working in props.

Emily does not strike me as a theatre person in any regard, she got dragged into this via her friends and the class credit.

Hanna on which role she wants: "I want the other mother, the one who's drunk all the time." so real

Spencer in this conversation goes from nagging parent on Hanna hiding Caleb to being horny about Aria/Ezra. She continues to be horny about them the rest of the episode. The order of investment in Aria/Ezra goes Spencer >> Hanna > Emily.

S1!Spencer is really off her game, man. She waits to meet the other liars before looking up Braille, doesn't even note how Braille represents numbers. How excited were the writers to realize that they could encode a motel number in a way the girls would first translate to BAD?

Toby eavesdropped on Jenna and all he got was she mentioned Spencer.

To be fair to Toby he's been through a lot. This is why him being a pushover is far more excusable to me than Fitz's bullshit.

Spencer and Toby have a cute bonding moment post-ankle monitor removal by hanging out on the outskirts of town.

I pay zero attention to this, too distressed by the City of Rosewood Incorporated 1853 sign. Is Rosewood an actual city, unlike it's real-life counterpart of Rosemont, which merely a census-designated place? If it is an actual municipal corporation, why do we hear zero mention of an executive or legislature?

For the sake of my sanity I am going to assume the sign is a historical artifact, where Rosewood used to be a distinct city that has since been absorbed into a larger township.

Toby is soooo stressed about stealing Jenna's phone and the girls don't even get anything useful from it

At some point the girls all stare at Jenna trying on lingerie. Stop being weird in public about the blind girl. She can't see you, but everyone else can see you being fucking weird about her!

Jenna also ominously plays the flute while Emily stares at her. Logging this for later.

The girls all find a trophy with Ian's name on it and what looks like a bloodied corner on it. They are so spooked by the previous disappearing video that they immediately turn it into the cops, without googling golf tournaments or anything of the like

my sweet surbuban teenagers, unaware that that the non-Wilden cops will be dicks to them too

of course it is rat blood, from a little white rat named Spencer.

speaking of naive suburban teenagers, why are the non-Hanna liars and Ashely obsessed with describing Caleb as dark. He's just got shoulder-length hair and wears hoodies and hacks phones. He's smiling whenever he talks to anyone. He's the least dark of all four liars' love interests right now!

....do we think it's because of foster kid thing? that makes me sad :/

also makes me wonder how/why he landed in Rosewood specifically

See the thing I always like about Caleb is his relevance and helpfulness with the plot stuff. He's not sitting around making pining eyes at Hanna, he's helping Hanna figure out that the dead lady's nephew isn't legit, or the liars are handing him a phone to hack

he said the phone looks like it's from 2020 because that is ten years in the future for him. but it already feels a long time ago for me tbh.

I enjoy him making fun of the liars for stealing a blind girl's phone and also for calling said blind girl "Jenna Cavanaugh" instead of "Jenna Marshall". He's new here! He's not up-to-date on all these step-siblings!

Hanna and Aria make up super fast over the A thing after Aria is slightly pissy at one group meeting.

my friend watching A leave flowers at mrs potter's grave: A, did you kill her? did you kill that old lady? I'd forgotten how the first Haleb kiss happened

I remembered the swim meet "date" and the classic shower scene (Caleb apparently has a tattoo down there somewhere, taking suggestions on what it is)

but not that it was Hanna being super weird to him post-shower for a whole day

Caleb says "so you think you have to throw down too?" which is the funniest way to phrase it, but it works for him, Hanna cutely goes "what if I don't want to?" and then "what if I do want to?" and they get a very spin spin spin-around kiss

Next time: I think the cops are going to be mean to the girls?? which would make sense if they let spencer give an insane rant about ian as they turned in that trophy with rat blood. don't let spencer do her insane rants in front of other people, you'll learn this lesson one day

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last long personal post about the day i had at work today

i'm sorry like i just can't get over it, i can't get over it. i am not there to be ogled, i am not there to be objectified. i'm not there to be a petting zoo or a table. i'm not there for any of it. i feel different enough at work for my age and position.

i'm VERY aware little boys have crushes on me. every now and then, one of them makes it very obvious. it's seriously nothing to me, because it's always been respectful. kids have crushes on adults, especially young ones. but i have no more intention of being a seductress than i would if i were fifty and married. i just so happen to be 25 and single. oh well. i am equally disinterested, and would like to be presumed as equally disinterest-ing. if i get a little unfair halo effect sometimes, i don't care.

it has literally never been so sexual in nature before. it has never been so much about my body, my legs. i worry about the reaction to this being dampened by the effect of the other adults around me seeing that and being like, well, yeah, if he's gonna be interested in anyone's legs, it'll be hers. i feel embarrassed calling attention to the fact that a kid is attracted to me. it has always, always been a non-issue before this. it has always been innocent and respectful of my role as the adult.

i wanna say i don't worry about this happening again, because it is a first. it is a first for me in four years, with dozens if not hundreds of kids, that i've been treated so inappropriately by a child. i worry about this being seen as more natural because it happened to me. but it's not natural just because it happened to me. i'm the teacher that a lot of kids have little crushes on, whatever. i'm not the teacher kids get to pinch and gawk at; that's never happened.

if this happened to me and i were fifty and married, would it be more scandalous? would i just, perhaps, not be believed? i don't know. i don't know. i keep going down these thought spirals of why me. what is the reaction people have to it being me? because while the few people who saw/heard about this seemed not to condone it, they don't seem shocked either. but it hurts, it does, because i'm shocked. that it happened to me. it's like i don't really know if people can put themselves in my shoes more than they can put themselves in his.

a young woman being treated at her place of work as a piece of meat is offensive, but it's everyday. it's banal. a teenage boy having a preoccupation with an adult woman that he can't see as fully human also so normalized. it just feels like an unempathetic view for me is all i can expect. when i already experienced this alone. AND i have to be the one to take responsibility and make others aware about it. because it's not like he was going to... somebody had to. and oh, look, i'm the adult. that makes me somebody.

like i don't even want him to be "punished" per se. i just want to be assured that steps will be taken to stop him from objectifying more women and girls in the future. holy shit, WHAT if he does this to a girl his age? would he? i don't know. i don't know the kid well. i have an idea of why he targeted me, but i don't know what he wouldn't do to someone who was more of his equal. i can't speak for or predict that.

it's just fucking humiliating. hi yeah i'm the substitute from friday. yeah i'm the one he couldn't keep his hands off of. cuz i dared to wear a skirt. yeah, same skirt i've worn to work with kids a bajillion times in the past four years. yeah i guess i was just so seductive. like give me a break; i don't want to receive any more attention for this but it just feels like i'm gonna. i don't know what kind of response i'm going to get to the email i wrote the regular para.

i don't know if i'm gonna have to elaborate further. i feel like i shouldn't have to. i gave her all the details somewhat unemotionally; it just stings the more and more since i got out of work. like i just can't believe that really happened. and the shock was dulled while it was happening, because i didn't believe it was happening. the more hours go by the more i'm like, well, yeah, i did the right thing: escaping that situation as promptly as i could, telling another adult, and emailing the permanent teacher about it.

i keep wanting to act unaffected by it. but i'm just so offended and dismayed. i also feel powerless, because i couldn't be the one to get him to stop. something about my presence to him was an invitation to treat me that way, and my not being amused did not deter him. it feels like the interpretation he had of me was not at all in my control. he wanted to view me as an object, and so i was one in his eyes. the other teachers can scold him for that, make him feel bad for that, but i can't. i'm not really the authority. i'm just the pretty one.

[terresdebrume]

Got my first case of intentional misgendering at work.

One of the Y10 came to me saying that one of their classmate did this intentionally after I made them re-take a verb quiz because they cheated on it.

Mostly I had to be like 'well, until I catch [classmate] doing it there's not really anything I can do against it' which is. Frustrating and hurtful tbh I'm just like. For so little, you know?

Anyway. The student who let me know said they felt weird about it, so I just said 'well, you should act about it however you want and feel like you should and is safe. I don't expect you to fight on my behalf, and if you do nothing about it I won't be mad.'

I do kind of. I don't know if I should have, but I also did say that if this student was concerned they might want to bring it up with their homeroom teacher (though I did reiterate that it should be their choice and I would not be mad if they didn't). On the one hand, I would have given that same advice if I'd been told the kids made fatphobic comments about my fat colleague, but on the other hand, since it's about me I'm like...idk. Iffy.

At the same time, unfortunately, telling me does nothing because if I just go to the offending student like 'I know you misgender me on purpose' I'm the villain in the situation.

I'm just. Idk. Feeling very small and very sad and a bit scared right now, to be honest. I guess I'm just going to focus on the fact that my students at least felt bad/weird about this and take it as a show of support, and then go on with my day.