#this was the most I could do without it turning into incoherent rambling

[hanbindans]

ways they're comforting (hyung line)

a/n: listening more closely to the in bloom lyrics ruined me so I'm posting this from my drafts. I'll get to the maknae line soon enough but since I already wrote the hyungs I'll post them first. enjoy me screaming into the void 🤍

jiwoong

you're like the older brother I never had. there's something comforting in the way you are exactly how I want to be when I grow up; considerate and caring and willing to love someone regardless of their flaws- kind to others but more importantly to yourself. you remind me that it's possible to go through all the stages of adolescence and young adulthood, and both see and feel so much hopelessness and negativity and doubt, and still be able to see happiness in all the small things. like finding peace in petting a small, fluffy animal. you've become the type of adult we all look up to. I'm so proud of you.

hao

I don't know, I just see so much of myself in you. in the way you were the smart kid who did well in school, the kid who worked hard at everything he did, the kid who got compliments from teachers and other people's parents. you could have had anything you wanted- you would have done what it takes to achieve it- and you chose with your heart. people probably had a lot of (high) expectations on you and you made a decision that was for you- something that you really wanted- and you worked as hard as you always did because you knew that you could do it if you really wanted to. I envy your courage to chose with your heart and follow your dreams. maybe one day I can learn it from you.

hanbin

sometimes I think that I can see when your perfect mask starts to slip and your facade cracks a little, and you race to patch up the holes before anyone takes notice. it's okay. I do it too. in some ironic way it makes you even more relatable. there's so much good in you and there's even more desire to be good, do good, make it overflow and spread to everyone around you and paint the whole world in yellows, smiley-faces and sunflowers. "don't regret what you do". I'm not sure if it's meant for me or for yourself. I hope it's for yourself. I hope you let yourself be bright, loving, and most importantly happy, even if it makes you imperfect, more raw, and easier to hurt. people will be ready to love you just as you are. they will love you because they want to return the good you have given. you make me want to do more good.

matthew

there's something very genuine in the way you carry yourself. it's unfair to just call it "unfiltered"- I think I would call it unapologetic, authentic, honest. you're not the type of person to lie about what type of music you listen to or order a plain salad when you're with people you don't know too well. I still have a feeling that you want to be impressive, but you don't try hard to impress. you want to do and be and try so many different things but you won't do it anything at your own expense. you will always say what's on your mind, always do things your way, even if not everyone agrees with you, because it's your life and you won't live it for others. it's admirable. please don't ever start apologising for the way you are.

taerae

I love how you're the colour yellow personified. from the duck emojis to the way you laugh at every joke like they're the funniest thing you've ever heard. you're so warm and fun and I just want to be around you all the time so I can re-learn how to be silly and not wince at the way my face scrunches up when I laugh. it's like you've already figured it out. how to be kind and caring and happy without being scared of being soft and vulnerable. there's so much comfort but also stability and security radiating from you and it's so infectious. I hope you never waver from that. I hope your laugh will always fill up the room and you will keep drawing your ducks and you will keep making your silly little poses. you seem like you're having so much fun.

[risuola]

PROMISE — F. READER x GOJO SATORU

You felt sick watching your husband fighting for his life, but your unborn daughter seemed to sleep just fine despite your complete distress. Little that you know, Satoru made some promises to her.

cw: manga spoilers!!! (chapters 223-235 with not much of specific details, but it’s resolved around the events), reader is pregnant — 0,8k words

a/n: this piece has TWO alternative endings — FLUFFY & SWEET & ANGSTY & DEPRESSING — choose your fighter, I guess

Sick. You felt sick, sitting in the room full of people, most of which you didn’t even recognize. You felt sick watching the screens that showcased live what was happening in the middle of Shinjuku. You felt dizzy and nauseous, and so overwhelmingly sick when you heard people betting money, trying to make profit of something that was so painful for you to watch.

“You think he’s gonna win that?” “Nah, he’s dead.” Some men were talking, chuckling like it was entertainment of the highest level for them. And maybe it was, maybe some sorcerers could benefit from the outcome that you considered the worst one, but you felt like the world was crumbling down in real time. Your world was fighting for his life right in front of your eyes.

You sat there paralyzed, unable to move as all of the voices around you slowly became distant. Yuji’s rambling, Kusakabe’s comments and Yuta’s notes all blurred into one, incoherent noise in the background and you wondered what happened, what went so wrong to lead to all of this. Why it felt like you’ll never see Megumi again? You raised that boy, you talked down his teachers in middle school from expelling him when he beat the hell out of other students, you encouraged him to train harder when he felt down, overwhelmed by the comparison to Gojo’s strength. Why now it felt, like you’ll never get to force another hug out of him, like you’ll never see his grumpy face again? You’ve already lost Tsumiki, the tears from that still felt fresh on your face and now you had to watch your husband on the battlefield, being wounded time after time by a cursed spirit that should have been dead thousand years ago.

You felt your insides turning and twisting into a very tight knot, every time Satoru got hit by Sukuna’s attack, every time you saw blood staining his light skin, you felt a little closer to heart attack. It was a sight you could never familiarize yourself with, Gojo never bled. He never was cut, not even punched and now, all of his body was covered in slits. Just once in your life you saw him in a puddle of blood, decade ago while still in high school and after that, never again. Until today.

You were scared. Petrified with the thought that he might not come back, that you might never feel his warmth again. The idea of going further in your life without him spread out in your mind in the colors of the worst kind of nightmare, your throat clenched, tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched his domain shatter. Infinite void fell down in pieces and the reds and blues were not effective either. It’s worse than nightmare. It was torture.

You felt the pain, deep in your heart, spreading in waves to every cell of your body. You wanted to go there, to jump in and help him, to shield him from the attack even if it would cost you your own life. You wanted to go there and slap Sukuna out of Megumi, to hold the boy to your heart and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that everything’s gonna be alright. But you couldn’t do either of those things. You knew you’d only be an obstacle, a limiting factor to your husband’s abilities. You knew your tears wouldn’t bring Fushiguro back. You were strong on your own, but now, you were helpless just as everyone else. And you had a life to protect.

And so, you sat there, rubbing soft circles into the bump of your stomach that held the little girl that was yet to come to this world, wondering if she’ll get to know her father. She will, you knew that, deep down underneath all of the layers of fear and worry, you knew that Satoru will win, because he has to win. He has to be there with you, he has to know if his daughter has the same blue eyes as him and the same cute nose as you, because he bet on that. He has to be there to take all of those goofy selfies with the newborn, he has to be there to showoff the miracle that he’s created with you, to be able to put new title to his name – the best dad.

The baby seemed to be sleeping, calm in your stomach despite the utter distress that consumed you. She probably knew better than you not to worry about Satoru. She probably knew that her daddy will never leave her. He promised that to her, when before leaving to the Shinjuku district he pressed his lips to the curve of your bump, whispering things you barely heard.

He made a promise so he had to keep it.

[secondaxispoint]

could you write a joel x reader where the reader sees a bunch of scars all over joel and makes him feel better about them? love your writing x

Pairing: Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: Scars, past violence

Content: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, little bit of angst

I love vulnerable Joel with all my heart. Thank you for the request!!

Scars and Stories

You were woken by warm beams of golden rays shining in from the window. You squint your eyes and grumble. You had forgotten to close the shades last night, instead leaving them half open. As you throw an arm over your eyes, you feel Joel shift next to you. He too was complaining about the bright sun in his eyes.

The both of you were going to stay in for the day. You turned away from the window and curled around his back. He mumbled something incoherently and shuffled further into your embrace. Just as you were about to drift off, there was a sharp knock on the door. You get up to answer it, your back protesting the sudden movements.

You shuffle to the front of the house and open the door. You see Tommy standing outside. He looks at you surprised and rambles on about something. You can’t quite catch what he's saying as you still have a lethargic fog clouding your mind. You nod along anyway and try to pay attention. 

“And you should probably put on a shirt too.”

He finishes his spiel and grins at you as he starts to walk away. You look down and realise that you indeed had no shirt on. You flip him the bird and close the door. You amble back to the bedroom. When you enter the bedroom, you see Joel still in bed. His hair was shaggy and dishevelled. He had an arm wrapped around a pillow while half his torso was showing.

He was almost glowing and you could see the scars that littered his body clearly in the morning sunlight. Seeing them always made you feel a bit sad. You knew how much Joel hated them. He always tried hiding them from you, ashamed of his past mistakes that had etched themselves into his skin. Constant reminders of his failures on him at all times. You had slowly been getting Joel to open up but you never pressured him about his discomfort about them. You too had your own scars. Ones that reminded you of your past as well.

You allowed yourself to crawl back into bed with Joel, staying above the covers. You laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling. You stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the silence. Joel had rolled back over and threw half of himself on top of you. His arm rested on your chest, giving you a clear view of a large scarred over gouge on his forearm. You looped your arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

Your eyes followed another scar by his tricep. A healed gunshot wound in his shoulder. A pinkened stab mark on his side. The further you got down his body, the more scars you counted. Joel had started waking up without you realising. He looked up to see you staring at him. He squirmed under your seemingly judgemental gaze. You noticed that he looked uncomfortable so you stretched to pull the sheet up to his chin and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. You felt the tension in his shoulders start to lessen.

“Why do you look at them like that?”

Joel asked you, weariness clear in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

You reply back. He looks away then puts his head back down on your chest.

“The scars. Why do you look at them like there is something to be appreciated.”

You shove your head back into the pillow behind your head and pause.

“Because they're a part of you.”

Joel doesn't move.

“They're a part of you and, like it or not, you are most definitely something to be appreciated.”

He stays silent and still. It takes him a moment but he finally finds his voice.

“They are a reminder.”

He sounds dejected.

“My mom used to say that ‘each scar had a story, and each story leaves a scar’. I always liked that.”

You keep your voice quiet, not wanting to startle the man laying across your chest.

“They aren't stories. They’re failures. I got each one of these because I screwed up in some way or another.”

Joel’s grip on you tightened.

“Positive or negative, your past is your past. You don’t have to say a word, but if you want to talk or get something off your chest, I'm here. I’ll always be here for you.”

You run your hand up and down his bare back, easing the tension in his muscles. He melted into you. Joel slowly pulled the sheets down, exposing his figure. He shifted and laid himself directly on top of you, his head now on your stomach. He studied your frame, his eyes skimming along your skin.

He pointed to an almost completely faded, tree root looking scar that splayed across your pec. Your expression saddened. You hesitantly told him how you got it. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss over top of it. He moved on to another, a thin scratch just to the right of your belly button. You again told him the story behind it, and he once again pressed a kiss to it.

He did this for almost every visible scar he could find. You flipped him over and did the same to him. Only you didn’t wait for him to tell how he got it. He just watched as you covered his torso in affection. He reached for your face, pulling you in. He placed a delicate kiss on your lips. You laid your head down on his chest, and traced one of the scars on his bicep. 

After a few moments, he told you how he had gotten it. His voice was faint and low, just barely loud enough for you to hear but you listened close. He had gotten it on the day of the outbreak. The day he lost his daughter.

"Thank you darlin"

You soothed him softly after a tear fell from his eye. You allowed yourselves a day off. The two of you deserve it.

[idolomantises]

talking abt that one thing in velma thats on my mind a lot for the past few days (that turned into a big incoherent rambling about gay rep in media)

i'm seeing jokes about how the queer representation in mystery inc being so much better than the queer representation in velma and honestly it makes me want to go on a whole tangent about my thoughts on queer representation nowadays vs the more subtle examples decades prior.

There's this weird debate that goes on online about what is "good" queer representation, and one of the most notable and honestly annoying examples is that queer representation has to be so subtle that you could easily miss it/ignore it. i've always hated that take because its a claim mostly said by straight people who are uncomfortable with seeing characters who are openly queer and/or state their identity, but they present it as some sort of push for subtle and nuanced writing. personally i do prefer it when a character just, identifies as how they are without explaining their identity, but that doesn't mean flat out explaining your orientation is inherently bad representation. its why i will always defend the very clunky and awkward high guardian spice scene. it is absolutely poorly directed and written, but that doesn't make it "bad representation". however, I do consider the character who explains that he's trans bad representation because he is flat, uninteresting and very clearly a creator self insert. he doesn't feel like a well rounded character who's also a trans man, but just an incredibly sanitized example of trans representation.

i have many, many issues with helluva boss/hazbin hotel and i do genuinely find some depictions of queer characters just flat out offensive (you can argue with me about how angel dust being written like your average 90s gay stereotype is woke actually because he has trauma, i dont care), but i do admire and appreciate that the series doesn't want to sanitize its queer characters, even if its done poorly. though i could go into a whole rant about how i find it very telling that female characters that are queer are far less sexualized or allowed to be problematic compared to their queer male counterparts.

anyways back to velma. that show does something that i've always found pretty irritating in queer representation which is just this weird lack of faith in its audience. characters can't have a slow burn anymore. internalized thoughts, anger, frustration, longing. you have to immediately know that two characters are gay for each other, even if they're lifelong enemies. its like when modern horror movies open with the gore because they're scared people are going to be bored or leave early. there's no subtlety or chemistry between daphne and velma, they're just lovers because idk, its two girls who hate each other and who doesn't love that.

then i think about how mystery inc handled velma and her sexuality, how she was allowed to be well rounded and nuanced before you slowly realize that "oh, she doesn't like boys". i know her whole thing with shaggy is controversial among fans but i always loved how she does do something pretty unlikable but not immoral. yeah, it is shitty to force shaggy to choose between her and his dog, but i can understand her line of thinking and empathize with her. and i do like how they become friends in the end despite their awkward break up. It's always fun rewatching it and realizing that their incredibly awkward and cringe relationship was meant to be awkward and cringe. it was supposed to be weird and difficult to watch, because those two weren't meant to date each other. you could see how hard velma was trying to make the relationship work despite the fact that you never get the vibe that either character was full invested in it, unlike daphne and fred's relationship.

then you had velma and her relationship with marcie, which started off as sort of a catty rivalry (not full on attempted murder, i mean holy shit hbo velma) that slowly grows to where you're completely convinced that these two did gradually like each other. and i do really enjoy stuff like that, more subtle writing like that. which doesn't just apply to queer rep btw, my favorite ships are relationships that feel understated, something you have to really dig for and pay attention to. its why i consider bubbline the best f/f representation in cartoon. because its subtle, but not too subtle where it feels out of no where when they kiss, and nuanced in ways that enhances the relationship AND characters.

there's a good amount of relationships i see in cartoons where the creator, who is usually queer themselves, often wants to depict queer relationships, but is weirdly adverse to depicting the uglier aspects of that character, and refuses to add subtlety to it. steven universe is a show i've always felt conflicted on its handling of queer representation because on the one hand i appreciate writing lesbians that are messy, traumatized and make constant mistakes. but on the other hand, the show goes out of its way to ignore these issues and/or make excuses for it, making the decision to make these characters messy and complicated genuinely baffling (this is also one of the big issues i have with catradora and stolitz).

it makes me think back to my own work too. i really enjoy making fluffy, easily digestible gay content for my followers and myself because it puts me in a good headspace. But even now and then i like exploring those little nuances too, because i don't really enjoy stories with little conflict. Because of that acknowledgement of how satisfying it is to write fluffy, queer rep, you end up putting yourself in other creator's shoes. you're so used to media that either dehumanizes gay people or tells people that they don't exist that you push yourself to make the most in your face queer rep you can but its at the cost of an interesting and subtle characters. characters that don't really have arcs or places to learn and grow.

With bugtopia i made a joke about how i want some of my queer rep to feel like you're being queerbaited. It's not literal, obviously, but mixed in with characters who are already married and in same gender relationships, i really want to write dynamics that feel subtle enough for a bit of a slow burn. even if you know they're going to end up together, to at least value the characters on their own before centering them on their relationships. queerbaiting is something that deserves all the criticism it can get, but it is embarrassing when queerbaiting feels genuinely more interesting than actual queer rep because queerbaiting has that factor of "maybe they won't get together" that adds that bit of intrigue, vs so many shows that repeatedly hammer in your head "don't worry guys, they're gonna be lesbian lovers".

mystery inc (and many other shows) being forced to keep a relationship obvious while subtle to get through censorship really forced creators to be creative with their storytelling and not center characters around their relationship and identity. but nowadays i think shows like to take the easy way out. for me, i always thought the most impactful example of queer representation in steven universe is "Rose's Scabbard". I genuinely don't enjoy that episode because it's a good example of the show thinking that trauma is an excuse for shitty behavior, but i cant deny that an entire episode of pearl breaking down and finally accepting that she wasn't the center of rose's world. it's the crew being forced to be creative and push through censors to telling a compelling story about a traumatized lesbian slowly realizing that she basically deluded herself into thinking she was someone's savior.

I think it's silly to try to place good queer representation in one box. like subtle queer rep is good, but also queer rep where a character flat out states that their gay. where I think it falls apart is when it either reinforces stereotypes without properly deconstructing or expanding on them, makes the characters so overly kind and non-controversial that the relationship is just boring, or try to make your messy and complicated characters but the narrative refuses to hold them accountable or at least acknowledge that they're doing something wrong. and to clarify on that last part, i'm not asking for some hays code nonsense where every bad person goes to prison and/or promises to stop being a bad person again. i mean the narrative doesnt just fucking sugarcoat their behavior. i don't want to see helluva boss ignore the fact that stolas made blitzo call him out for only using him for sex and then pathetically rush to justify their relationship by giving them a bizarrely sanitized and sweet backstory. and i don't want to see catra literally end the fucking universe and only do something good because she's straight up out of options and the show just decides that that was her redemption and she doesn't need to do anything to atone for what she did (including repeatedly abusing and verbally berating adora).

anyways velma has none of those interesting qualities and i'm pretty sure daphne and velma kissed because the creator is a weird pervert who thinks two girls kissing is hot.

[silverzoomies]

Ooh you should do like headcannons of what it’s like sleeping next to Peter or having kids with Peter

ohhhh my gosh this is so intimidating, but i'll try my best !!

💙peter maximoff headcanons💙

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💙sleeping next to peter💙

listen, anon...

i personally don't imagine he sleeps

like, at all. ever

but if he did? he's either one of two sleeper types

he might crash like a log. and you won't be able to move him once he's conked out. like good luck tryin' to roll him off you

if you gotta get up? sucks to suck. you're stuck there for a while

but he could also be the type to toss and turn in his sleep

like, all night. super restless. kicking his legs and everything

might even talk a lot in his sleep, rambling incoherent babble

you'd wake up to him saying shit like, "ohhhh shit. forgot i left the cats in the car."

but he doesn't drive. he doesn't even have cats. what's he dreamin' about??? does he dream as fast as he moves????

he might also switch gears a lot. going from super clingy, to super distant really quick

one moment, he's got his cheek pressed to yours, snuggling super close. needing to be near you so bad, otherwise he'll literally die

the next, he wants his space. stretches himself out on the other side of the bed. and if you come too close, he lowkey groans about it. but like affectionately

he's like a picky cat hopped up on too much adrenaline

i don't think he'd be too overly affectionate, though. if anyone wrapped him up in a cuddle session for too long, he might get pretty antsy. just in case he's gotta move

don't even get me started on the potential for morning wood

💙having kids with peter💙

would strive to be the best damn dad ever, and you can't convince me otherwise

since he grew up without a dad himself. he wouldn't want his children to grow up feelin' the way he did

he'd try to be super present in their lives, and very involved. even if things got a little too overwhelming sometimes

he'd wanna be nothing but supportive and loving of all their hobbies and endeavors

peter knows when to set boundaries, but he'd have a tendency to be a little too lenient

once his kid got a little older, he'd be so tempted to drag them into some harmless trouble. to your dismay

like, they'd start pulling pranks on you together. but the pranks are as simple as pelting you with water balloons when you're least expecting it

or, oh no! he ran them to mcdonald's for somethin' to snack on. without you! and right after you said you were gonna make dinner that night too! they'll ruin their appetites like that!

"okay, but they really wanted nuggets. wouldn't stop askin' about it. they even said please! what was i supposed to do? say no!? look at this face!!" and he gestures to your kid's precious doll face

if his kid is born with mutant genes, he'd be so goddamn proud

and a little worried too. he'd be terrified of how his kid would be treated in school, especially for bein' different

that is...unless you enrolled your kid at charles's school. most ideal scenario honestly. peter would feel way more content then

his kid definitely wants to become a great, x-men hero like their papa someday

he introduces his kiddo to his favorite music wayyyy early on. like, your newborn is resting in their crib. and he's playin' pink floyd like it's a lullaby

"honey, we really gotta make sure this lil rascal's educated, don't we?" but he's talking about exposing them to david bowie

but if his kid grew up listening to all the genres he doesn't, he'd still be as supportive as he could

his kid likes lil nas or lady gaga or somethin'? he's takin' the whole family to a live show. he's wearing the merch. he's learning the songs. he's singin' those songs in the crowd

i do think he'd get pretty anxious, though. might worry he's not a good enough father. maybe thinks he's not cut out for it. you have to reassure him all the time: he's doing the best he can. better than you could ever hope for

he's busy with hero work and teaching a lot of the time. when he starts to get a lil too absent, he's terrified he's neglecting his kid in some way

but he's got no idea his kiddo thinks the entire world of him. literally the coolest dad ever in the history of the universe. his kid will go to school and be like "yeah well my dad's quicksilver"

he's the kinda dad who's gonna splurge on christmas gifts. so many, you won't be able to see the floor. you're worried he stole them all. but he swears on his life he paid for everything. he's gotta set a good example, after all !!

impossible challenge: try not to feel soft after thinkin' about him sitting in his kiddo's bed. readin' a bedtime story. doin' silly voices and pointing at all the pictures

the bedtime stories are x-men comics

[qpjianghu]

shaking crying screaming throwing up re: Desire Catcher (2019)

(Show CW: there is sexual violence involved in the core case. Please take care!)

I need to just ramble incoherently for a hot sec because oooooo boy the vibes are impeccable??

The TLDR is:

The two male leads have a relationship that's like Wangxian spiced with Pingxie. I know. I KNOW. The pining is off the charts, my friends. Truly unparalleled.

There is absolutely no romance whatsoever! (Except for the case where there are two men who adopt an abandoned baby together?? I mean?? ^_^) Huge win for the aros!!

If that's all you need, read no further, I shall not spoil. Come back and scream with me when you're done.

More detail below:

There are lots of surface-level similarities to Under the Skin: Frenemies-to-bromance male leads, one is a cop with a chip on his shoulder and impeccable dark/leather jackets, the other is a floppy-haired, khaki-wearing consultant with a peppy demeanor that hides deep personal trauma... but, honestly, I think Desire Catcher is what Under the Skin WISHES it was. (No shade if you loved Under the Skin -- I just personally wanted a bit more from it.)

The male leads, my goodness. Zheng Yecheng plays Lu Fengping, and Xin Yunlai plays Luo Fei. They are both so FREAKIN' good. Their characters at first just seem like typical archetypes of the stoic one and the bubbly one (WHICH I LOVE ANYWAY) but they take everything to the next level with their microexpressions that both reveal and conceal their haunted pasts, and extreme pining. Which leads me to...

The Wangxian of it all... *delighted sigh*... The person who wrote like the one fic on Ao3 in this fandom pointed out (much more eloquently than I'm about to) that Luo Fengping spends most of the show trying (and not knowing how) to save Lu Fengping the same way that Lan Wangji spends so much time trying (and not knowing how) to save Wei Wuxian. I won't spoil anything about their successes vs. failures in this post, but I have been turning around this brilliant point in my head for a week now and I am still vibrating at a totally normal frequency about them.

Which brings me to the devastating trope of how do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? Yes yes yes OF COURSE this is a Mysterious Lotus Casebook reference. Come chew glass with meeeeeeee

And there's also: The Girl Cop!! (lol) Liang Yin!!!!! I ended up loving her. I need to watch the show again just so I can love her more, because the whole time I was worried she would become a love interest to one of the guys she shared a past with. But they all find solace and redemption WITHOUT romance!! What a concept!

Which brings me to another show this one reminded me of: the k-drama The Guest. That show also has a glorious polycule who are all connected through a shared trauma and need each other to heal. HOOK IT TO MY VEINS.

The case of the week stuff was pretty good. And by pretty good I mean completely devastating.

The big final plot resolution was a little werd ngl but you just gotta squint through some of the copaganda, shhh, it's fine

(The ENDING though.... literally just heart eyes all over the place, motherfuckers)

Look I know I said there wasn't any romance, but Luo Fei and Lu Fengping spend at least five minutes every episode pining at each other / into each other's eyes RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD while a dramatic ballad plays in the background, so, like. That's a thing. <3

Did I literally pay for the more expensive Viki subscription service so I could gif their pining in better HD?? Who's to say???

[anxiety-elemental-kay]

Jade Shadows: Reactions and Gender Thoughts

I know opinions about Jade Shadows are a dime a dozen, but! I also have some Gender Thoughts I need to get out of my skull.

Spoilers under cut, natch.

There’s two things I want to talk about: my reaction to the quest itself, and Jade as a playable Warframe.

Part 1: Jade Shadows Story

I agree with a lot of people that the hype surrounding the quest was ultimately harmful to the story itself. The devs promised Stalker backstory, and we only kinda got that. I still don't know what a Low Guardian is, or even what the Stalker’s deal is. So he and Jade are sentient warframes like Umbra, I guess? And they were punished for being together? Why though? And despite this punishment the Stalker still hates Warframes and their role in the downfall of the Orokin? I feel like I'm missing a critical piece.

If the messaging had been more along the lines of “We’re getting an insight into the Stalker as a person and find out what he’s been up to lately” I think it would’ve had a more positive response. Instead it was framed as if we’d be getting answers, which we didn’t. Even upon completing the quest there’s a cheeky line in the codex about being left with more questions than answers.

That’s fine in a general sense, but that’s not what was promised.

As for the mystery of Jade… I’m disappointed that Jade turned out to be the Stalker’s romantic partner. It was the most boring option they could’ve picked. I was on board with the speculation that Jade Shadows was going to be a transition story; either the Stalker finds peace with herself and becomes Jade, or he used to BE Jade, but after the fall of the Orokin became the Stalker. At the very start of the quest when we see that Jade is, in fact, a separate person, I started to wonder if maybe Jade was his mother.

Jade just being his girlfriend who pops out a baby then dies… sucks ass. It’s boring! Even more than the problematic elements of this trope, I’m disappointed by this direction because it’s BORING! Warframe is a lot of things, but even when I don’t understand or don’t like the story, it’s at least interesting in its insanity and incoherence.

I desperately wish Jade was an actual character in the story. For example, since Jade is associated with the Jade Light, she could have been an executioner for the Orokin. That’s why she’s ready to give up her life to have her baby, her guilt about her participation in that system, and feeling that making a new life might begin to atone for taking so many. Not the best way to take her story, sure, but it would’ve been something!

At the end with the Corpus standing down when they realize the Stalker has a baby with him and letting him go felt dissonant. Especially with, uh, the state of the real world. There are people out there who are totally cool with murdering children, and I don’t believe the Corpus would ever let something as unique as Stalker’s baby go without a fight.

Since I’ve rambled about things I didn’t like, I want to spend some time talking about the things I did like! Because there’s plenty of that too!

Although the Ascension mission isn’t part of the quest itself, I really like the stuff with Parvos and Ordis! I’d never expected these two to interact, or for Ordan Karris to be brought up again! There's so many nice lore tidbits in there, as well as great character moments and animosity between the two. Delightful! Get his ass Ordis!

Speaking of Ordis, I loved him so much in the quest! I love Space Dad so much and it's always a delight to get to see him do things.

There was a brief mention of Umbra in the quest! When Stalker is trying to sneak onto the Orbiter and Ordis is patrolling, he calls out asking who’s there “Operator? Umbra? …Helminth?” I’m still disappointed he doesn’t get to be a character in the rest of the story after The Sacrifice, but its nice to acknowledge that he’s not just doomed to sit in the arsenal.

The message from Hunhow at the end of the quest was touching too. Jade and Stalker might not be trans but Hunhow is, or at least Sentients don’t adhere to common human understandings of sex and gender. Which still counts because I say so!!

I’m not wild about how the baby (I named him Orion) entered the story, but he’s a possible interesting thread for the future. How will the Stalker change going from a hunter to a carer? What does this new kind of life form mean for the rest of the system?

Whispers In The Walls is already setting up a longer story arc, so I’m okay with stuff just planting seeds for now! I know I was just talking about how a big problem with Jade Shadows was it failed to deliver a payoff after years of speculation, but I have enough respect for DE that I’ll wait and see. I always appreciate that they’re willing to take risks (I totally misunderstood how to do the, uh, mini game… but still… won???) even if those risks don’t pay off.

Part 2: Jade as a playable Warframe

Okay, so…

Here’s a bit of background for me to establish where I’m coming from when I talk about Jade: I’m an AFAB nonbinary person, and pregnancy is one of my few dysphoria triggers. I’ve talked before about how I would rather die than give birth. Any discussion of how precious or important motherhood is feels weird or gross to me, because I know I’m perceived as a woman, and those expectations could be projected onto me.

…So keep that all in mind when I say I think Jade being pregnant as a playable Warframe is interesting!

I don’t yet have Jade as of writing, but I’m still excited for her and hope to play her a bunch! When I watched the devstream where Pablo showed off her kit I was excited! She has a fun theme, she has interesting abilities, I love her visual design, and I love Titania so I’m happy to see another warframe that can fly! (I low-key keep forgetting Hildryn can fly because I almost never use that ability oops)

The reveal that Jade is pregnant was shocking during the quest, and sure I feel a bit uncomfortable thinking about equipping a pregnant frame… but that pregnancy is entirely aesthetic. The Jade we build is not the person who died, there’s no baby in there, and like any other frame, we can equip and unequip Jade as we like. In the same way the Tenno are not locked into one gender when picking a frame, Jade’s pregnancy doesn’t feel like a cage or a parasite the way real pregnancy seems to me. There’s no permanence or consequence to Jade appearing pregnant.

Additionally, being pregnant is entirely unrelated to any of her abilities or signature weapons. Though she was just Pregnant Girlfriend in the story, as a warframe she’s primarily Avenging Angel who just also happens to be pregnant. She’s still powerful and capable, her pregnancy doesn’t take that away, and that’s cool! People get Weird about people who are pregnant, like it diminishes their personhood or capability forever. This isn't a topic I know much about, because of the aforementioned dysphoria, but those are the vibes I get, especially from some of the critiques of Jade herself.

Thanks to everyone who stuck around for this whole thing! I know there’s been a lot of negativity around this quest, much of it earned, but I’m enjoying the update as a whole! Even if I have mixed feelings about the story, I’m not going to linger on the negative aspects because I don’t think that’ll do anyone any good. The devs will hear the criticisms the players have, and we all move on. I’m excited to get Jade and BE NOT AFRAID my enemies to death.

[lunar-rcp]

𓏲 ₊˚๑ ꒰ A halloween dilemma ?! ꒱ ໑

🌷🔥 ミ royber short oneshot

☆ Something short. I've been taking a while with oneshots, so i decided to make a little something for myself and you guys if you're all interested !

Halloween was just creeping around the corner, and everyone was understandably excited for a spooky holiday.

Eating candy till your stomach twists, wandering around town admiring the decorations everyone had set up, scaring everyone out of their engines..

A very exciting holiday, indeed.

But last and for more importantly;

What's Halloween without a dazzling costume to show off?

A situation the rescue team would rather avoid. They are the face of the town, the stars, if you will. They must dress to outshine the others as stars do.

And so, they were all situated at their base. Clothes are scattered all around on the ground, concept sketches were made of a mess on the desk.

“Amber, have you found something to wear yet?” Helly tilted his head in curiosity, the fabric made stem of his pumpkin costume slightly dropping down.

All of the others had already been pleased with their costumes. However, Amber was in a slump as she couldn't figure out what to wear for hers. And time was ticking!

“Not yet..” A long, weary sigh rolled out of Amber. She just had to think of something, but what could she do?

“Hmm..” Poli hummed, rubbing the side of his head with his palm. “Perhaps you can take inspiration from something you like!”

“Something I like?” Amber's eyes averted towards Roy's door.

And as if fate had tied the strings of inspiration together, an idea had popped up in her head.

A great one.

“You all look amazing!” Jin clapped her hands together. “I just can't wait for halloween! All our costumes look–” Jin put her rambles to a halt when she spotted Amber wasn't in the room with the others. “Huh?” Jin raised an eyebrow. “Where did Amber go?”

“Ah, I think she's in her room at the moment. She did say she needed time to prepare her costume.” Roy gave a tiny smile. “Would you like for me to go get her?” Roy offered, his hand raising up as to gesture his offer.

“That would be great! Thanks, Roy!” Jin placed her hands onto her hips, looking content.

A minute or so later, Roy stood in front of Amber's door. For some reason he didn't know himself, he felt oddly nervous. As if something was awaiting just behind the door.

With a deep breath, he knocked onto her door. “Amber? Jin needs you, are you there?”

“Come in!!” A muffled voice spoke from behind the door, only adding to Roy's concerns.

“Uh, alright?” Roy answered Amber's voice with a puzzled tone of voice of his own. Just what was she planning?

“I'm coming in!” Roy hesitantly pushed the door aside, stepping into Amber's room only to find a room filled with a black void of darkness.

Why aren't the lights on? “Uh, Amber! I'm turning the lights on, I can't really see.” Roy directed his headlights towards the light switch, he then flicked it on.

He was met with a sight he'd never expected to happen in a million light years.

“Well, well!” A mischievous giggle emitted from the ambulance as she twirled around, the sweet smile she usually had was now a smug one.

Amber had decided to wear something she likes the most!

..That being, an outfit like Roy's. To the firemen's hat to the huge boots he always wore, she had it spot on.

“Y'know, Poli told me to wear something I'd like!” Amber sweetly giggled. “Sooooo..”

She pointed her finger directly at the widen-eyed fire engine.

“I'd like to put out those flames that dance around your heart, Roy!” A soft pink hue was lightly brushed on her cheeks, but she had winked to play it cool.

Roy, on the other side.. wasn't playing it as cool as he hoped. A bright, red blush had emitted on the sides of his cheeks. His blush was even redder than his own paint.

“I– oh my god– Amber– Uh–” His words only spiraled into a row of incoherent mumbles. With everything he had tried to say, he had clumsily tripped over his words.

Safe to note, Amber had decided on the devil concept she had initially. Otherwise, she'd need to put a fire out that had blazed from out of the fireman himself on the top of his head.

Although, that was the cutest reaction Roy has ever had in a lifetime. A memory that Amber will always look back upon with a warm feeling sparked within her heart.

divider by @cafekitsune !

[real-reulbbr-band]

Munkoffelees

I know I just made the Tuggof post but like, I genuinely thought Munkoffelees was gonna win and so I prepared stuff for them beforehand so might as well post it now :)

By god this rare pair is so rare I could barely find any gifs of them I need to spread Munkoffelees agenda

Pre-realationship  

• Mistoffelees made the fatal mistake of asking Alonzo for dating advice to win over Munk, and he ends up giving him a bunch of pickup lines to use on Munkustrap as a joke. Mistoffelees thinks he’s being serious however and is hesitant but thinks it’s worth a shot Munkustrap only ever ends up being confused or finding the lines funny complementing Misto for his “tugger impression”.

• Mistoffelees doesn’t feel like he needs to fight for Munkustrap’s attention, he’s aware of how busy he is and tries to work around it by helping him out most of the time with some magical assistance.

When Mistoffelees starts to help out Munkustrap more often with daily tasks around the junkyard Demeter started calling misto “Munkustrap’s little helper”. Mistoffelees will never admit it verbally but he likes the name and Demeter probably knows it.

• Also I saw this one post about how in cats Warsaw Munkustrap keeps subtly missing misto using magic (I believe it was per-the-Jellicle-magician) and that became my favorite thing ever so, after the ball Mistoffelees isn’t even trying to hide his magic but Munkustrap never really gets to see him use it since. He always turns or gets distracted with something else at the last moment leaving Mistoffelees to grunt and mumble to himself about not being able to impress Munk with magic however the one time he was using his magic without really thinking like zapping tugger Munkustrap actually sees it. Mistoffelees still remembers how sweet Munkustraps genuine laughter was.

• Mistoffelees thinks so hard about how to impress Munkustrap that he doesn’t realize that he’s already impressed Munk enough with the subtle things he does, like entertaining the kittens, dancing his heart out or just being his slightly cheeky but kind self. Munkustrap loves it all.

Coupled stuff yay: 

• On a few rare glimpses Munkustrap can be found with small traces of glittery residue on him curtsy of mistoffelees. (Cause they cuddle together so much) Munkustrap doesn’t notice ever until someone points it out In which he gets very flustered and tries to brush it off but not too much since he does like to be reminded of Misto. 

• whenever Munkustrap has overworked himself and returns to his den tired out, Mistoffelees gives him a surprise shoulder massage whilst asking Munkustrap about his day. Sometimes Munk will fall asleep halfway through the story and misto will just give him a kiss on the cheek and bid him goodnight.

• Munkustrap just admires Mistoffelees so much, he loves it whenever him and Misto have time alone together and when Mistoffelees starts rambling on and on about his interests he does get quite lost in thought however just watching Mistoffelees.

• Mistoffelees likes to be carried around especially by Munk, when their walking back to Munks den or Misto’s humans home or just when he can find the opportunity Mistoffelees will leap into Munkustraps arms. Munk normally has a completely neutral expression on his face while on the inside his heart’s pounding out of his chest.

• Munkustrap talks in his sleep, like all the time. Mistoffelees will sometimes not even know Munk is asleep and just talk back to him. He’d only notice when he picked up on how incoherent the conversations were. 

• Munkustrap is very gentlemen like, he loves to kiss Mistoffelees on the paw or forehead. While they aren’t a very PDA couple they do like their sweet and subtle touches. Like wrapping their tails together or squeezing each others hands.

• They slow dance together, I don’t make the rules they just do. Normally munkustrap will sing him a song whilst they do with Mistoffelees quietly singing alongside him enjoying the presence and peace of each other for as long or short-lived the dance maybe it didn’t matter cause they were together.

[second-axis-point]

Pairing: Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: Scars, past violence

Content: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, little bit of angst

I love vulnerable Joel with all my heart. Thank you for the request!!

Scars and Stories

You were woken by warm beams of golden rays shining in from the window. You squint your eyes and grumble. You had forgotten to close the shades last night, instead leaving them half open. As you throw an arm over your eyes, you feel Joel shift next to you. He too was complaining about the bright sun in his eyes.

The both of you were going to stay in for the day. You turned away from the window and curled around his back. He mumbled something incoherently and shuffled further into your embrace. Just as you were about to drift off, there was a sharp knock on the door. You get up to answer it, your back protesting the sudden movements.

You shuffle to the front of the house and open the door. You see Tommy standing outside. He looks at you surprised and rambles on about something. You can’t quite catch what he's saying as you still have a lethargic fog clouding your mind. You nod along anyway and try to pay attention. 

“And you should probably put on a shirt too.”

He finishes his spiel and grins at you as he starts to walk away. You look down and realise that you indeed had no shirt on. You flip him the bird and close the door. You amble back to the bedroom. When you enter the bedroom, you see Joel still in bed. His hair was shaggy and dishevelled. He had an arm wrapped around a pillow while half his torso was showing.

He was almost glowing and you could see the scars that littered his body clearly in the morning sunlight. Seeing them always made you feel a bit sad. You knew how much Joel hated them. He always tried hiding them from you, ashamed of his past mistakes that had etched themselves into his skin. Constant reminders of his failures on him at all times. You had slowly been getting Joel to open up but you never pressured him about his discomfort about them. You too had your own scars. Ones that reminded you of your past as well.

You allowed yourself to crawl back into bed with Joel, staying above the covers. You laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling. You stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the silence. Joel had rolled back over and threw half of himself on top of you. His arm rested on your chest, giving you a clear view of a large scarred over gouge on his forearm. You looped your arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

Your eyes followed another scar by his tricep. A healed gunshot wound in his shoulder. A pinkened stab mark on his side. The further you got down his body, the more scars you counted. Joel had started waking up without you realising. He looked up to see you staring at him. He squirmed under your seemingly judgemental gaze. You noticed that he looked uncomfortable so you stretched to pull the sheet up to his chin and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. You felt the tension in his shoulders start to lessen.

“Why do you look at them like that?”

Joel asked you, weariness clear in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

You reply back. He looks away then puts his head back down on your chest.

“The scars. Why do you look at them like there is something to be appreciated.”

You shove your head back into the pillow behind your head and pause.

“Because they're a part of you.”

Joel doesn't move.

“They're a part of you and, like it or not, you are most definitely something to be appreciated.”

He stays silent and still. It takes him a moment but he finally finds his voice.

“They are a reminder.”

He sounds dejected.

“My mom used to say that ‘each scar had a story, and each story leaves a scar’. I always liked that.”

You keep your voice quiet, not wanting to startle the man laying across your chest.

“They aren't stories. They’re failures. I got each one of these because I screwed up in some way or another.”

Joel’s grip on you tightened.

“Positive or negative, your past is your past. You don’t have to say a word, but if you want to talk or get something off your chest, I'm here. I’ll always be here for you.”

You run your hand up and down his bare back, easing the tension in his muscles. He melted into you. Joel slowly pulled the sheets down, exposing his figure. He shifted and laid himself directly on top of you, his head now on your stomach. He studied your frame, his eyes skimming along your skin.

He pointed to an almost completely faded, tree root looking scar that splayed across your pec. Your expression saddened. You hesitantly told him how you got it. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss over top of it. He moved on to another, a thin scratch just to the right of your belly button. You again told him the story behind it, and he once again pressed a kiss to it.

He did this for almost every visible scar he could find. You flipped him over and did the same to him. Only you didn’t wait for him to tell how he got it. He just watched as you covered his torso in affection. He reached for your face, pulling you in. He placed a delicate kiss on your lips. You laid your head down on his chest, and traced one of the scars on his bicep. 

After a few moments, he told you how he had gotten it. His voice was faint and low, just barely loud enough for you to hear but you listened close. He had gotten it on the day of the outbreak. The day he lost his daughter.

"Thank you darlin"

You soothed him softly after a tear fell from his eye. You allowed yourselves a day off. The two of you deserve it.

[modifiedmonster]

Things Better Left Unsaid

Summary: Denji lets you know that Aki might have left out a few details . Himeno suggests something that might help you feel better...Easy Revenge (;

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Aki Hayakawa

Wordcount: 7563

Authors Notes: This is part 3 ! After feedback from you all , we will be getting a part 4 !

Content Warning: drinking, angst, protective aki, porn with plot and feelings, PDA, kissing , fluff and angst, etc etc

Read on AO3 Chainsaw Man Masterlist Main Masterlist

“But thats not everything that happened..” Denji chimed out from behind the two of you . Two heads turned to face Denji , one set of eyes were curious and confused , the other set were daggers .

Begins below the cut

“Denji , fuck off.” Aki spat , something sinister in his voice.

“Shut the fuck up , topknot. Did you think that I was gonna let you feed her that bullshit without stepping in ? “ Denjis sudden raise of tone felt like a bullet tearing through your brain , causing you to pull back from the railing but not before Akis hand shot to grip your wrist tightly. That look of confusion turned to a look of fear that teetered between Aki and Denji.

“Aki..stop, please..” You plead as your heart beat against your ribcage as if it were trying to escape , and the more you resisted his hold the grip would get tighter like a boa constrictor strangling its prey. 

It took probably a minute for the realization to set in; you weren’t going anywhere. When it did, you stopped moving and Power came to stand beside Denji . 

“Y/N.. have you noticed that you were always one of the most kick ass Public safety devil hunters until recently?” Denjis arms came to cross his chest as he spoke .

“Well.. OUR very own Aki Hayakawa has intentionally put you in these situations just so he could be your savior.”

“Tis True!” Power chimed in , Meowy letting out a raspy noise atop Powers shoulder.

“W-what..” You were in disbelief and your gaze could only drop to the concrete beneath your bare feet , the color drained from your face as your brain began running through everything that happened recently.

”Y/n .. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be like this … I just… had to get your attention , gain your trust. You never would have given me the time of day otherwise.” Aki loosened his grip on your wrist as he began stuttering , words coming out choked and panicked, having lost their venom that they contained when directed at Denji . The unfinished , incoherent rambling wouldn’t stop until he felt the sting of your palm across his cheek, and then he let go of you. 

Tears burned in the corner of your eyes , everything in your vision becoming a shaky blur until the tears dripped down your cheeks . How did one of the people you had pined after , respected, and fucking said ‘I love you’ to end up being the one who risked your life on several occasions ? The rapid rise and fall of your chest was accompanied by the drumming of your heart , as if you had a symphony playing inside you.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t been such a narrow-minded bastard you could have seen that I have been in love with you for a long time , Aki !”

Fists at your side were balled so tight that your knuckles were white, it took every ounce of restraint to not push him over the edge of the balcony 

“Instead you risk my life , and lessen my reputation.” The sentence you intended to shout only came out shrill and broken .

Aki stood there with a blank expression yet his eyes told a different story . Denji sighed as Power leaned her head against his shoulder. All you could do was shake your head in disbelief.

“Fuck you , Aki . I’m going home.” Was all that left your lips as you went back inside and began collecting your clothes , taking them into to the bathroom to get dressed before you left and headed home.

The Next Day

You kept fidgeting with your fingers, the tv playing on the wall completely forgotten as you stared at the 2 empty bottles of wine that were next to you on your couch. Today was the first time you had called off of work , well technically you had just ghosted work , you were sure your ‘boss’ would understand why . The couch felt like a message chair from the constant buzzing of your phone before muted it.

Your phone had been getting nonstop messages from Aki , and Denji. The only one you responded to was Himeno , who was already on her way over with a few more bottles of liquor. 

20 Minutes Later

“Maybe its time to become a civilian devil hunter?” your upper lip trembles as it curls in disdain at the words you just spoke as you popped the cork on the fresh bottle of red wine , handing it to Himeno before repeating the same for yourself. With a sigh you plopped down on the couch next to your friend, her free arm snaking across your lower back to pull you closer.

“Maybe we can partner up . Ya know , Aki and I used to be partners , we are still friends but I agree that what he did was fucked up , like ‘really’ fucked up..” Himeno said before taking a few audible gulps of the bitter tasting liquid. All you did was respond with a grunt , and then opened your phone to read the newest spam of messages from the two roommates . 

“We’re going out tonight .. and you’re gonna get revenge , easy revenge.” With a cock of her brow Himeno proceeded to elbow you lightly before you glanced at her mid-sip. “I dont know…” 

“Well lets atleast get you out of this dark ass room , be around people who actually care about you”

A sigh was breathed out, the fight in you was fleeting.  “fine”

Later That Night

You , Himeno , and Denji were sitting at the bar with a tray full of limes, a bottle of tequila , and a shot glass for each of you.

Unlike Himeno you weren’t much of a casual drinker except the last 2 days. But when she had invited you out for a bar crawl with a couple of the others, you decided that it would be just the right amount of socialization you needed for a slap of reality in the face. You hadn’t expected, however, for Aki to be accompanying them granted he was keeping his distance . You just knew it was Himenos doing , she didn’t want to see either one of her friends miserable.

In an absolutely unsurprising turn of events, you just ended up getting shit-faced.

Denji was near tears with laughter when you threw back your eighth tequila shot with a sour expression. You’d placed a warm hand on his chest , twirling Pochitas tails underneath while attempting to say something but you were simply unable as soon as your eyes locked with Akis.

 There he was, across the room just staring . The entire past two days had been spent trying to erase any feeling of love , or adoration from your brain and heart , yet his eyes seemed to call to you. 

Shit you still had feelings for him , of course you did. 

Denji had noticed and grabbed a lime , offering it to you between his fingers. As small of a gesture , it was enough to bribe your attention back to him. Perhaps it was the lighting, or perhaps it was the alcohol, but you felt a tingly sensation in your stomach. Denji was really handsome, and it was the smallest flicker of affection you’d received that felt genuine since the other night with Aki. 

Denji and Aki were really close . “Easy revenge” Himeno whispered in your ear from behind as she spectated. And so you surged forward, dodged the lime and kissed him. 

You hadn’t consciously pulled away from him, but were suddenly made aware of a screeching bar stool. Aki loosened his tie as he beelined straight toward all of you. 

Just as quickly as you’d dodged that lime , you felt his hand grab your forearm and tug hard causing you to slide off the chair. Himeno continued to spectate in her drunken state , Denji was drunk as well and now was smiling lost in his own world with a starstruck look on his face. 

Aki dragged you outside towards his car , your heels clicking against the ground , the entire building shaken with the force of him closing the door.

“Get in the car.” Aki swiftly opened the door and pushed you inside before you could even react. 

“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself while stifling a laugh as Aki walked around the car, got in on the drivers side , started the car and pulled pulled off at an already high speed. A squeak sounded from the pressure of Akis fingers wrapped around the steering wheel , and you slouched back into the seat due to your inebriated state with apprehension and fidgeted with your fingers in your lap. 

The smell of Akis cologne ignited your drunken senses as he leaned over to buckle you in while his eyes remained on the road. It was silent for a few minutes as the two of you drove before Akis grip on the wheel got impossibly tighter. 

“Do you wanna explain what the fuck what that was back there?” His voice was clearly an octave lower than usual. 

Stunned by his question you blinked and pressed your lips together as if to seal them shut. Aki pressed on the accelerator harder, the engine revving as the car sped up . You were suddenly jerked back and forth as he pivoted between cars , outside the windows everything was just a blur to you. The tasted of blood filled your mouth as you bit down on your lip nervously. 

Okay , this was going a bit too far.

“Pull over , Aki!” Screeched from your chest , throat feeling suddenly raw. You swallow, even though your mouth is well past dry. 

Aki must have realized that his actions would have consequences. He had been struggling with conflicting emotions, feeling anger towards Denji for outting him , but also feeling immense guilt for the dangerous self serving stunts he had pulled that put you in harm's way. He pressed down on the brake pedal, making a sharp turn onto a secluded road surrounded by trees on both sides. The sun was beginning to set, casting warm, orange beams of light through the trees as he continued to drive, albeit at a slower pace.

“First you repeatedly put me’n danger on missions , ‘n now you drive s’if you want me dead.” The words came out slurred as your blood alcohol content was peaking . 

Aki tightened his grip on the steering wheel once again. "I would never let anything happen to you, especially not something as terrible as death." You had hit a raw nerve, causing his emotions to surface.

The car gradually came to a stop and Aki shifted into park, turning his gaze to you. He felt his heart leap ,starting to ache as if it had become encased in broken glass as he saw you, with your head hanging low and tears threatening to overflow the dam that held them back.

Hesitantly, he placed his warm hand on your rosy cheek, his thumb gently tracing your bottom lip. Once again this man managed to make you feel safe. Despite your current state, you were still breathtakingly beautiful to him. You leaned into the security of his touch, allowing your teary eyes to meet his, which still held a powerful allure for you. Wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your hoodie, attempting to give him a half smile.

“This is the place I wanted to take you to on our first date, maybe have a picnic set up before I even brought you here…” Aki reminisced on his prior plans , ones that had only existed in his mind . ”Guess I fucked that up , huh?”

You locked your gaze ahead and let out a gentle exhalation at the stunning view, it was positively breathtaking. A colossal lake was encompassed by a forest of trees, their darkness mingling with the sun's rays as they shimmered on the water's surface. You were momentarily at a loss for words, but Aki didn't seem to expect a response from you.

“I would’ve said yes , Hayakawa.” You admitted . Easy revenge must also mean Easy backfire.

"Is there anything I can do to turn things around? Is there still hope for redemption?" He tilted his head and his thumb gently caressed your lower lip. The alcohol had finally taken its toll on you, causing your willpower to crumble despite your valiant efforts to hold it together.

Your eyes crossed as they fixated on his perfect lips , he noted this and his fingers crawled from your cheek to the back of your neck , threading into your loose locks of hair gently. The two of you moved in tandem , the heat of your lips meeting set fireworks off inside of you . 

Your crossed gaze fixed on his impeccable lips and he took notice, his fingers moved from your cheek to the nape of your neck, delicately entwining in your soft locks. The two of you moved together in tandem, the heat from the meeting of your lips ignited a surge in your chest . His tongue slid across your bottom lip before it poked into your mouth. Aki tightened his grip on your hair as he tasted the alcohol in your mouth , you let out a sweet groan at the sensation.

The two of you were lost in eachother yet Aki used his free hand to press a button on his dashboard , allowing it to begin playing one of your favorite songs. Your lips curved into a smile , breaking the kiss as you let out an airy kiss.

 “How’d y’know thi’swas my favorite song?” 

“Because I really do pay attention , y/n..”

All your could do was smile , were you truly considering forgiving him?

“Think I could get another chance? When you’re sober.” Aki asked whilst tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

Just like a drug , you didn't realized you had become addicted until it was too late.

Part 4 Coming Soon!

[articskele]

Yall I just gotta spill my incoherent rambles about Its Name Was Cesar Torres because GRAAAAHHHHH

Spoilers under the cut!

I saw one post that was like “Ok but which would be more fucked up: the alternate killing Cesar while wearing the face of his mom, or vice versa?” And this fic gave us a third and even more devastating option holy shit-

“Picking up the receiver, it paused before pressing at the shapes in the pattern it knew would make Cesar Torres’ friend speak.”

DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LINE.

Understanding the how but not the why, having the knowledge but not the experience, the inhuman detachment of it all. One small detail that betrays its whole state of being right now: An imitation.

And don't even get me started on the headcanons for how alternates work bc they're so FASCINATING

The way alternates just. Absorb? Things? To take on their form? One of the comments mentioned the alt wearing Cesar's corpse like a parasite and AOUGH

The way emotions have taste- Altsar's initial plan to understand pain just so it could make Mark's suffering that much better to savor- It's just the sheer embodiment of their nature as entities of consumption, born into a state of empty eternity

The way alternates have no personal stake in the war and are just doing what they do best because they can- The way alternates can't die and are just cast back into the void from whence they came, only delaying the inevitable-

Pfffft Mark walks in and just sees Altsar like 🧍 aksjdalkfh- Not a single thought between those eyes dude

Mark with the chewed up fingernails he just like me fr

THE BIBLE REFERENCES THE BIBLE REFERENCES OUGHHGHGHH HOLY SH IT

I don't even know why I love em so much they just make me FERAL- OK BUT THAT SCENE IN CHAPTER 2 WITH MARK RECITING THE FUCKIGNF PSALM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BRO IS CLINGING. HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE SOMEONE HELP HIM. GO CHRISTIAN BOY GO!!!! Voted God's little lamb most likely to be slaughtered-

THE PANCAKESSSSS. WHAT IF I CRIED. A glimpse of silliness in the storm, and Altsar fuckin grinning from ear to ear (perhaps literally lmao-) I love that and I want them to be ok in the end-

Can we talk about the deer alternate. Can we tALK ABOUT THE FUCKING DEER AAAAUGHH

They had us in the first half not gonna lie with the Mark fakeout- The way I slapped my hand over my mouth like "WUH? HUH??"

AND THEN ALTSAR, OVERWHELMED WITH RAGE, STRIKING THIS ABOMINATION WITH ALL OF ITS THEIR MIGHT. AND YET IT JUST KEEPS TALKING. WORDS DRIPPING FROM ITS SLACKED JAW LIKE SALIVA. WHY WON'T IT STO P.

The moment Altsar realizes he's gotten way in over his head past the point of no return- The constant change of it to they to he, struggling with newfound humanity and unable to see where the alternate ends and the dead man begins. Is there even a difference anymore?

The whole warm and cold thing..... Mark taking Altsar's hands into his and bandaging his its wounds..... Injured. Broken. Both of them living a lie for as long as they can.

AND CAN WE JUST APPRECIATE THE WAY EVERYTHING COMES TOGETHER AT THE END:

The Mary statue and the deer alternate coming back

Mark's righteous fury framed by the shards of the Evangelist

The change from ¬ Shoot me, Mark Heathcliff. I am not what you think. ¬ to ¬ Don’t shoot me. I'm not what you think. ¬

Altsar finally experiencing pain, only for it to be at the hand of his best friend. Bleeding out as he screams for the one thing he just can't go without.

“It hurts, Mark. It hurts.”

IT'S JUST SO!!! GODDDDDDDDD. WHAT IF I CRIED. WHAT IF I TURNED INTO A LITTLE PUDDLE HUH. WHAT THEN.

I just. I struggle to find the words to describe how much I adore this fic, yall. If you were to look in my brain you would just find that one video of the guy shouting "HEEEELP. HEEEEEEELP. HELP MEEE." with the most expressionless face-

I like this fic. I like it a whole lot. And I can't wait to see what comes next ouo

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

How do you think myriah and daeron fell in love?

Ohhh this is a really fun question! Honestly when it comes to these two I think it was less this instant moment and more like a slow burn timeline- and because I have a lot of thoughts on them that might become a lot of incoherent rambling I’m gonna put it under the cut here for convenience lol-

So from what little info we know+ a bit of guesswork, it’s clear that Daeron and Myriah most likely weren’t in love at first sight given the general circumstances as to why they were getting married lol. In the beginning they’re respectful to one another, but distant and untrusting due to preconceived biases. They get to know each other on a surface level just so they aren’t complete strangers to one another cause Daeron definitely doesn’t know how to properly interact with any woman besides his mom, and Myriah’s more than a little suspicious that this white boy’s going to end up being a prick like his dad (and surprise! They may or may not bond over mutual hatred for Aegon)

Around the time Baelor’s born and the other Baelor kicks the bucket though, I could see some walls slowly breaking down as they learn to trust one another. After all, Daeron’s now in the direct line of succession with the expectation that he and Myriah raise a future heir to the iron throne, and you can’t exactly raise a kid together without trusting your partner who’s helping you raise them (well… technically you can- but you know what I mean). So around the reign of Viserys II, I could see them becoming at the very least co-parents for their kids with a bit of affection thought to be friendship for one another sprinkled in for flavour.

When Aegon IV takes over however, that’s when the dynamic changes a bit. Now they’re no longer just the other parent for their kids- now they have to work as a team in a court that’s mostly hostile to them both. They have to be a united front, to be the perfect successors and the better alternative to the asshole currently sitting on the throne, so they definitely got each other’s backs (which is a bit of a fact! Seeing as from what we know Daeron he was a bit of a thorn in his dad’s side when it came to Aegon’s schemes, particularly the ones concerning Dorne). But that’s just generally a given, I think what really got them to slowly fall for one another was the moments alone with one another in between, where they could just be together without every move being a deliberate political statement to a constant watching eye.

By the time Daeron himself becomes king, I think they’re still definitely a team, but more partners who genuinely care and love for each other based on their slow bond. Unfortunately they can’t really be equals, since nobles might take it less as “Oh they want to have a joint rule together, that’s nice :)” and more “!!this evil horrible snake is controlling her husband like a puppet!!1!1!1”, so while Myriah’s not going to sit on the iron throne or anything like that, I’d like to think she’s one of Daeron’s most trusted advisors and generally helped him rule the realm without putting herself too much out there. Also, I’ve seen this take get tossed around a little bit but I wanna put it here anyways- I definitely think when their kids were old enough to have their own kids, they were the sweetest grandparents imaginable, those kids could get away with just about anything when it came to them lol.

Will Grrm inevitably ruin this and make it another toxic marriage disguised as a love story come Fire and Blood Vol. 2? Probably, but I’m still going to hold onto the hope that my boy doesn’t turn out to be a dickhead and actually loved his wife through mutual love and respect, no matter how weird he might be otherwise!

(Also I have a lot of headcanons for these two but I’m a bit worried that I rambled for a bit too much lol- thank you so much for the question!)

[spring-lxcked]

taking a small break to ramble incoherently abt my portrayal of william in what will be a very confusing post lmao

i'm thinking about how my portrayal, which draws inspiration from two specific characters at times, and how i apply that inspiration to william (which started off as the focus of the post before it derailed how did this get so long i'm sorry)

the first is (and i do hate to make this comparison ngl) my portrayal of kok.ichi over on @takinghisbow. i mean, one of the running themes of the blog is the "mask" kok.ichi wears to conceal his true emotions and i've consistently tried to keep myself from falling into that exact turn of phrase on this blog for the most part. these are two characters who do not want you to actually know anything about them and hide everything from intentions to feelings to expressions (yes hello i have realized in the last year that i mask in public thanks for noticing). the obvious differences between these two are motivation (kok.ichi is motivated by trust issues and self-hatred, william is motivated to try to cover up his misdeeds) and method (kok.ichi acts antagonist/annoying to push people away, but william acts falsely kind to draw people in while still keeping them at an arm's length). kok.ichi has questionable morals, but tries to be good where it counts. william is a terrible person and has no intentions of changing that, although he can be kind to those he likes if it isn't "a burden" to him.

the other character (who i also tentatively write) is hann.ibal lec.ter (specifically the NB.C portrayal). and i've said it before, but "you're not a person, you're a monster wearing a person-suit" is william-coded lmao. they're both monsters, and yet capable of caring. they are not incapable of empathy or sympathy, but choose how to wield it. outside of their very horrific hobbies, nobody would ever think they were killers. both are surrounded by death, and yet not suspected because nobody could ever believe they'd do it (until it's too late).

going into making this blog, i was very adamant that i wanted a complex portrayal that didn't fall too far into generic movie serial killer stereotypes. we don't throw around potentially offensive terms like "psychopath" or "sociopath" here. we don't suggest that lack of empathy = bad person here. i also was very, very loathe to do the whole "evil guy looks Totally Evil and is so obviously creepy" because it quite literally made little sense to me. how is this guy killing so many kids and not getting suspected if he screams "Serial Killer" just by looking at him? if he's antagonistic and creepy and clearly threatening? and in that same vein i wanted to avoid "bad person is bad all the time 24/7, never does anything decent ever" because i live for nuance, not the chr.istian fund.amentalist black/white thinking i grew up in. i wanted him to be irredeemably, unmistakably evil without losing the fact that evil people are humans, and humans are capable of great evil if they choose.

i want the moments where he's being decent—a seemingly good friend, father, or romantic partner—to be almost disarming. because, while william is perfectly capable of caring for people, his actions (both in what he does and what he doesn't do) are intentional. always. his sense of humor with his adult friends or romantic partners is half because he genuinely enjoys joking around and half because he wants to be viewed a certain way. funny. normal. just one of your buddies. him doting on his kids is because he loves them, but also because he needs for everyone—both the kids and the community—to be able to say, "What a good father, he would never hurt anyone (and especially not a child)." when he resists showing anger (whether entirely or just the full extent of it) toward someone he's upset with, this is part of the persona. when he pretends to like someone he dislikes, this is part of the persona. when he agrees to something he doesn't want to do, this is part of the persona.

it's part of what makes sprin.gtrap seem so different from william prior to the springlo.ck incident. william is throwing everything behind his persona. he's a calculating man, even when he's genuinely enjoying himself. he can be truly having a nice time with someone, but the thought of how this is benefitting his persona is always in the back of his mind. you're just another character witness to william. after the springlo.ck incident, there's no longer a point. the persona is gone. get ready to meet the real man beneath it.

[hypnoneghoul]

Mushy May Day 2. Crush/”I made this for u” - Rulti

WC: 830

Swiss is head over heels for Rain and makes him a gift.

Read under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss was fucking terrified.

It took him weeks, even though he technically finished in three days, he was still somehow finding more imperfections that he had to fix, he had to make it absolutely perfect. Swiss was on the verge of a breakdown. 

What if he would think it’s stupid? Ugly?

What if he just doesn't like it a bit?

What if he doesn’t like Swiss at all?

So much could go wrong, and he chose such a shitty way of confessing his feelings, it had to go wrong, it just couldn’t be right, not with Swiss and his stupid gift, it was all so stupid!

He prayed so hard that he wouldn’t be in the common room, even though he texted him that that’s exactly where he is two minutes ago. He wanted him to be there, but he was so scared, but if he saw him, there was no way the multi ghoul could stop himself from doing this stupid shit, and- oh, fuck, he was already in the commons, and the other was there too.

“H- hi, Rain,” Swiss stuttered, his hands behind his back, moving to stand in front of Rain sitting so gracefully on the couch. How could he look so good just fucking sitting? “You have a moment?”

“Sure thing, Swiss, what’s up?”

The multi ghoul was completely sure he wasn’t so stressed ever in his long life, never in Hell, never Topside. 

He had the biggest crush on Rain, a one that he has no idea how and when he even developed. He just realized one night, during a ritual, that he was staring at the water ghoul practically all the time, and when said ghoul smiled at him at some point and when Swiss thought about it, he came to a conclusion he fell deep. 

Swiss was planning on making a move for weeks now and not one idea he came up with appeared enough to be worthy the ghoul that Rain was.

But eventually he said ‘fuck it’ and followed his gut, which lead him here, even though he still didn’t think it was an idea even coming close to being a good one.

“I- I made this for you,” he said, quickly reaching from behind him, placing his gift on Rain’s lap and backing away, his hands nearly trembling, one fidgeting with the other.

Rain processed for a moment. He was worried when Swiss came in so tense and stressed, it wasn't like him at all. But now, the water ghoul was nearly sure what was happening, and he prayed his relief didn’t show on his face.

Little did Swiss know, but Rain also liked him.

  A lot. 

But where Swiss was, usually, confident, Rain wasn’t, not like that. He wasn’t shy, contrary to a popular belief, but he wasn't Swiss. That’s why he, maybe selfishly, waited.

Rain picked up Swiss’ gift and turned it, inspecting. When he realized what it was, he jumped up from the couch and threw himself at the multi ghoul without thinking, wrapping his arms around his neck.

It was a handmade stuffed animal, a shark to be exact, and it was the best fucking thing Rain saw in his entire fucking life.

Sudden rush of Rain’s salted sea water scent made Swiss literally dizzy, and maybe that’s why he didn’t fix his balance and ended up on the floor with the object of his affection on top of him.

Perfect situation.

“Do you- do you like it?” Swiss asked, blushing like crazy, and the few milliseconds before Rain answered was the most horrifying moment of his life.

“Like it? Swiss, I fucking love it!” Rain shouted, flushed deeply himself.

Swiss sighed in relief, smiling dumbly up at the ghoul straddling him.

Wait, what?

Fuck, that was more compromising situation than they initially realized.

Rain mumbled something incoherent and made a move to get off of Swiss and sit next to him on the floor, the gift returning to his hands from where it landed a bit to the side.

“I heard you saying you liked sharks, and, well, I like you, so I tried my best to make it at least resemble a shark, and this came out, and-” the multi ghoul started rambling, fidgeting with a ring he wore.

“Swiss, it’s fucking perfect,” Rain beamed. “I can’t believe you did something like that for me.”

“Well, as I said, I like you, so…” Swiss suddenly got shy again, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“Guess what, then” the water ghoul chuckled.

“W- what?”

“I like you too.”

“You do?”

“Hell yeah, how could I not? You’re so talented, and kind, and friendly, and so fucking hot, and-” 

He would list out more, he had a lot in mind, but he was cut short by Swiss pouncing on him, similar as he did not so long ago, but this time the multi ghoul’s soft lips found his chapped ones and suddenly, Rain’s mind was empty.

[setesran]

used to think i wanted a girlfriend

when i watch obscure, uncanny youtube videos from 2013, i see this girl in them, and she just, captivates, arrests my mind without even realising, and i feel so, so, so, strange, strange and bad, like i've missed something very important, but it's also foreign and uncomfortable, and also nostalgic, yet i didn't experience it, and i was alive around that time but i had no idea she existed, the human race was just an insignificant mass to me, until i saw her, and as she speaks i forget that any other human exists besides her, but it's haunting because i know she's no longer real, the person i'm witnessing has changed so much that she's practically dead, it feels like a simultaneous love and death, like a child that has died immediately after being born, difficult to process or even comprehend, but she's not magical, i know that, she's just… what is she, what do i want from her, i don't think i want anything, i know it's all after the fact, it's just a video, it's already happened, she's off somewhere now, not 18 anymore, her youthful visage left behind and encapsulated to haunt the minds of those who come after, those who are lonely and fall through the cracks into old, strange corners of the internet, part of me panics when i leave my computer, to continue with my day, and i realise i'm still thinking about her, the fear that i might be obsessed gives me anxiety and i feel strange again, like butterflies in my stomach, but what could i possibly be excited about… to be honest, she reminds me of a ghost, a victim you'd read about posthumously, she just looks like someone who'd naturally attract fucked up freaks, because she's innately the antithesis of them, either way, she's dead to me, victim of a murder, or married and aged, what's the difference, i don't respect anyone that fades into such a conservative lifestyle, because they all act like they'll never do it, like they won't settle down, like they'll be a murder victim, then they settle down anyway, and how disappointing is that… she could've been beautiful forever, immortalised as a victim in her youth, but i shouldn't be saying this, it's wrong and i don't even know why i'm saying it, if something is possessing me to do so then i don't want it to stop, i don't want it to leave me, or maybe i am it, i'm always it i just get FUCKED UP BY MUNDANITY in this stupid little organized society with it's hypocrisy and censorship… i wish i could've known her, take me back in time and set things up perfectly so that i'd meet her, then be inevitably disappointed when she doesn't like me, inevitably she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings, she'd already have someone she desired, even though i don't expect romantic feelings from her, i don't expect ANYTHING from her, i simply want to help, listen, i would thrive simply off the biproduct of her THOUGHTS, of her incoherent ramblings, of her unconscious humming throughout the day, of the fucking sound of her breathing at night… i don't expect anything, but if i can't even be near her, what's the point in continuing, what's the point. (good thing she's confined to a youtube video from 2013 otherwise i'd disappoint my parents by fawning over this girl until she tells me to fuck off and i either kill her, kill myself or kill the both of us… could this have happened to me, could my life have gone this way… it certainly feels like it would've been the more emotional option, more pain, more pleasure, more love, more hate, and frankly, as my life currently goes, i feel that apathy, the expectation of mundanity, the repetition of daily living that breeds insanity, the pathetic state of this society, they all feel like cancers, slowly and affirmingly killing me, turning me into a husk, and what is the real me if not the one that feels the most emotion, otherwise, less sensation means less life, and i'm closer to death, i wake up and wish i didn't, and i care about girl from a youtube video from 2013, who as far as my life is concerned, doesn't even exist… and i ask myself; is this the person i was meant to become?)