#this was the most I could do without it turning into incoherent rambling

[hanbindans]

ways they're comforting (hyung line)

a/n: listening more closely to the in bloom lyrics ruined me so I'm posting this from my drafts. I'll get to the maknae line soon enough but since I already wrote the hyungs I'll post them first. enjoy me screaming into the void 🤍

jiwoong

you're like the older brother I never had. there's something comforting in the way you are exactly how I want to be when I grow up; considerate and caring and willing to love someone regardless of their flaws- kind to others but more importantly to yourself. you remind me that it's possible to go through all the stages of adolescence and young adulthood, and both see and feel so much hopelessness and negativity and doubt, and still be able to see happiness in all the small things. like finding peace in petting a small, fluffy animal. you've become the type of adult we all look up to. I'm so proud of you.

hao

I don't know, I just see so much of myself in you. in the way you were the smart kid who did well in school, the kid who worked hard at everything he did, the kid who got compliments from teachers and other people's parents. you could have had anything you wanted- you would have done what it takes to achieve it- and you chose with your heart. people probably had a lot of (high) expectations on you and you made a decision that was for you- something that you really wanted- and you worked as hard as you always did because you knew that you could do it if you really wanted to. I envy your courage to chose with your heart and follow your dreams. maybe one day I can learn it from you.

hanbin

sometimes I think that I can see when your perfect mask starts to slip and your facade cracks a little, and you race to patch up the holes before anyone takes notice. it's okay. I do it too. in some ironic way it makes you even more relatable. there's so much good in you and there's even more desire to be good, do good, make it overflow and spread to everyone around you and paint the whole world in yellows, smiley-faces and sunflowers. "don't regret what you do". I'm not sure if it's meant for me or for yourself. I hope it's for yourself. I hope you let yourself be bright, loving, and most importantly happy, even if it makes you imperfect, more raw, and easier to hurt. people will be ready to love you just as you are. they will love you because they want to return the good you have given. you make me want to do more good.

matthew

there's something very genuine in the way you carry yourself. it's unfair to just call it "unfiltered"- I think I would call it unapologetic, authentic, honest. you're not the type of person to lie about what type of music you listen to or order a plain salad when you're with people you don't know too well. I still have a feeling that you want to be impressive, but you don't try hard to impress. you want to do and be and try so many different things but you won't do it anything at your own expense. you will always say what's on your mind, always do things your way, even if not everyone agrees with you, because it's your life and you won't live it for others. it's admirable. please don't ever start apologising for the way you are.

taerae

I love how you're the colour yellow personified. from the duck emojis to the way you laugh at every joke like they're the funniest thing you've ever heard. you're so warm and fun and I just want to be around you all the time so I can re-learn how to be silly and not wince at the way my face scrunches up when I laugh. it's like you've already figured it out. how to be kind and caring and happy without being scared of being soft and vulnerable. there's so much comfort but also stability and security radiating from you and it's so infectious. I hope you never waver from that. I hope your laugh will always fill up the room and you will keep drawing your ducks and you will keep making your silly little poses. you seem like you're having so much fun.

[risuola]

PROMISE — F. READER x GOJO SATORU

You felt sick watching your husband fighting for his life, but your unborn daughter seemed to sleep just fine despite your complete distress. Little that you know, Satoru made some promises to her.

cw: manga spoilers!!! (chapters 223-235 with not much of specific details, but it’s resolved around the events), reader is pregnant — 0,8k words

a/n: this piece has TWO alternative endings — FLUFFY & SWEET & ANGSTY & DEPRESSING — choose your fighter, I guess

Sick. You felt sick, sitting in the room full of people, most of which you didn’t even recognize. You felt sick watching the screens that showcased live what was happening in the middle of Shinjuku. You felt dizzy and nauseous, and so overwhelmingly sick when you heard people betting money, trying to make profit of something that was so painful for you to watch.

“You think he’s gonna win that?” “Nah, he’s dead.” Some men were talking, chuckling like it was entertainment of the highest level for them. And maybe it was, maybe some sorcerers could benefit from the outcome that you considered the worst one, but you felt like the world was crumbling down in real time. Your world was fighting for his life right in front of your eyes.

You sat there paralyzed, unable to move as all of the voices around you slowly became distant. Yuji’s rambling, Kusakabe’s comments and Yuta’s notes all blurred into one, incoherent noise in the background and you wondered what happened, what went so wrong to lead to all of this. Why it felt like you’ll never see Megumi again? You raised that boy, you talked down his teachers in middle school from expelling him when he beat the hell out of other students, you encouraged him to train harder when he felt down, overwhelmed by the comparison to Gojo’s strength. Why now it felt, like you’ll never get to force another hug out of him, like you’ll never see his grumpy face again? You’ve already lost Tsumiki, the tears from that still felt fresh on your face and now you had to watch your husband on the battlefield, being wounded time after time by a cursed spirit that should have been dead thousand years ago.

You felt your insides turning and twisting into a very tight knot, every time Satoru got hit by Sukuna’s attack, every time you saw blood staining his light skin, you felt a little closer to heart attack. It was a sight you could never familiarize yourself with, Gojo never bled. He never was cut, not even punched and now, all of his body was covered in slits. Just once in your life you saw him in a puddle of blood, decade ago while still in high school and after that, never again. Until today.

You were scared. Petrified with the thought that he might not come back, that you might never feel his warmth again. The idea of going further in your life without him spread out in your mind in the colors of the worst kind of nightmare, your throat clenched, tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched his domain shatter. Infinite void fell down in pieces and the reds and blues were not effective either. It’s worse than nightmare. It was torture.

You felt the pain, deep in your heart, spreading in waves to every cell of your body. You wanted to go there, to jump in and help him, to shield him from the attack even if it would cost you your own life. You wanted to go there and slap Sukuna out of Megumi, to hold the boy to your heart and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that everything’s gonna be alright. But you couldn’t do either of those things. You knew you’d only be an obstacle, a limiting factor to your husband’s abilities. You knew your tears wouldn’t bring Fushiguro back. You were strong on your own, but now, you were helpless just as everyone else. And you had a life to protect.

And so, you sat there, rubbing soft circles into the bump of your stomach that held the little girl that was yet to come to this world, wondering if she’ll get to know her father. She will, you knew that, deep down underneath all of the layers of fear and worry, you knew that Satoru will win, because he has to win. He has to be there with you, he has to know if his daughter has the same blue eyes as him and the same cute nose as you, because he bet on that. He has to be there to take all of those goofy selfies with the newborn, he has to be there to showoff the miracle that he’s created with you, to be able to put new title to his name – the best dad.

The baby seemed to be sleeping, calm in your stomach despite the utter distress that consumed you. She probably knew better than you not to worry about Satoru. She probably knew that her daddy will never leave her. He promised that to her, when before leaving to the Shinjuku district he pressed his lips to the curve of your bump, whispering things you barely heard.

He made a promise so he had to keep it.

[kassiaactuallydraws]

Okay, so about that old self indulgent Wistim Au.

Disclaimer before I go on:

I was frankly, losing it back then when I first came up with it so most of what I've got is from my incoherent rambles to myself. So it's not peer reviewed, it's not revised, I was the only one who ever heard of it so I didn't even bother to polish. It's 100% me shoving whatever I wanted into the plot with full disregard for canon

This was made right before the season 2 finale came out so it's not accurate to how that went down

Looking back at it now, it's not the best plot but eh, I had fun with it

Okay? Got it? Good.

So the Au (Which I've nicknamed Aether lord Au) was a what-if scenario for the conclusion of Hero's defeat. Basically, Steve managed to kill Hero after a battle and re-absorbed him. Sadly, both him and Withy had spent all their strength on beating Hero which meant that there was none left that could be used to sustain Steve's body. So, Steve's dying. He tries his hardest to convince himself and the others that he'd fine with it because really, he's been running on borrowed time. But him, Withy and Endy know that's not true. Imagine sort of like season 1's finale but there's no fight, just a quiet chat in the ruins of the destroyed village.

Alex tries to go for the killing blow but Endy decides that unlike last time, she's not going to just let him go. Both her and Withy will actually do something to help him. So they go fetch Endy's things

From which she fetches the totem. Steve refuses it, out of fear of what happened last time to happen again. But the demons insist, after all, he's without evil this time so the effect should be different. Ultimately, Steve accepts it right before dying and the totem's magic activates.

Unlike last time, when Steve was almost fully corrupted, the totem works in a different way. It restores Steve's body and infuses it with magic (Which somehow turns out to be from the Aether? I think I settled with the totem being a lost artifact from there.), turning into something else.

I never made like a proper design for him bc he mostly just existed in my head as the vibe of a character but he now looks something like this:

(I'll be linking the picrews in the reblogs!)

He still looks somewhat human but now he's something more.

So the plot from then on would be him getting Endy and Withy out of his head (Building a body for Withy, helping Endy's egg hatch) and learning from them what it means to be.. well, whatever he is now. He's obviously not going to heed their every advice (Bc some of it is not good sgjshs) but it's nice to not be alone when faced with something like this.

So yeah! I really like where canon ended up heading so I kinda ditched this Au shortly after but man, it's a fun Au (To me at least). As fun as it is to put Steve through the meat grinder, it's also nice to treat him to something good every once in a while. So why not make an Au where he turns into a demi-god lmao

[is-the-fire-real]

Preface: I sent you a similar ask previously (and anonymously) but I've thought on it more and think I can explain myself better (or at least more, which might make things even less clear actually. Who knows). This is not meant in any way to rush you, it's purely to rephrase some things (and I have a slight distrust in Tumblr's actual functionality lol). This is probably gonna be a bit incoherent/rambly, so apologies in advance 😅

So, I have always been a Christian, and we've gone to a wide variety of churches over the years, mostly Baptist, Church of G-d, and Assembly of G-d. I. . . haven't felt very at-home at any of them. I have had a lot of struggles within my faith, particularly when it came to standard beliefs about hell, the impending rapture, and the significance of speaking in tongues.

Going down the line: I very quickly realized that believing anyone outside of your own faith would be tortured for eternity is SUCH a toxic recipe for forming relationships with anyone who thinks differently from you, and also it was being detrimental to my mental health. After trying my best to study on my own, I decided I didn't think there was enough of anything to indicate that anything worse awaits people than the finality of death, so I decided that's what I believed and moved on.

I grew up under a rather constant barrage of "The rapture is any day now," and mostly just went "Yeah, alright, I don't have plans for a job or college anyways." Anyway, I got thrown for a MASSIVE loop when I turned eighteen, and even now only feel like I'm just starting to develop an idea of what I want to do with my life. I have so many relatives that talk about the rapture like it's their only reason to keep going. I just try to tune them out.

I never was able to speak in tongues. I had a lot of pastors/youth ministers saying it was a crucial part of being saved. I spent a lot of nights crying, pleading, begging to be saved. I ultimately just had to hope that maybe they were wrong. (I also had a youth pastor say that the only thing that mattered to be saved was to convert someone else to Christianity. He straight-up said it didn't even matter if you prayed. I was six.)

And I mean, there's also the matter of the immense amounts of bigotry and hypocrisy. That's a big one too. It's why I have always been too ashamed to actually say I was a Christian.

A long time ago, I decided that *my* Christian faith boiled down to 1. Believing in G-d, 2. Believing that G-d loves us, 3. Believing He wants us to love other people in turn, and 4. Everything else is peripheral to that. I still stand by that as a statement of my faith. I haven't been to a church in a long time. I'm growing less sure that I'm actually a Christian.

I've recently started trying to learn more about what Judaism *really* is, and like. Maybe it's just the usual "wishing things were different." Maybe it's just admiring the beauty of a culture that I'm so unfamiliar with. Maybe it's just rose-tinted glasses, maybe it's just wishing I could engage in religion with other people without such inherent shame.

But I look at it with such a feeling of longing. I've watched a couple of livestreamed services from a conservative synagogue about and hour and a half away, and they were beautiful. The Rabbi had very good and meaningful sermons (if that's what it's called in a synagogue). Most of the rest of the service was in Hebrew, so I didn't understand much of it, but it seemed like such genuine worship and praise. I got to watch their Simchat Torah service, and it seemed like genuine worship. And I've felt like I've just been going through the motions for so long.

And I don't know. Probably the simplest solution is to find a church I can stand, I know there's a Methodist one not far from here. Maybe I need to go back to trying to read my bible. Maybe I just *still* haven't learned how to pray correctly, I sure as heck wouldn't know. (Tangentially, reading about berakhot was probably when I went from "trying to learn more about a different culture" to actually "questioning my faith")

I've questioned just about every facet of who I am this year, so I guess it was only a matter of time until my faith came up. But I've also just recently reassured everyone that yes, I'm still a Christian, I'm just working through some disillusionment. And I thought I was telling the truth! But the question has still persisted, in a "what if you always regret this" sort of way (granted, I have anxiety, it's not *that* uncommon).

But like, I just had a conversation with my mom where she said, "Sometimes it takes a good-old-fashioned fire-and-brimstone preacher to inspire change," and. . . ?!? I just. . . I can't agree with that?? I simply can't believe that the best way to inspire change in people is to threaten them with eternal damnation.

And so much of Christianity is handled this way! Any doubt or question whatsoever is immediately "of the devil," and so I grew up constantly policing my thoughts out of fear that G-d would be angry with me! Which has almost certainly had consequences in regards to my chronic anxiety! But the ONLY correct response to any doubts or questions is to double-down on what you've always believed.

Surely this isn't a healthy way to navigate life???

The biggest concern I've received in er, HYPOTHETICAL discussions of faith is "But what about your faith in Jesus?". And like, I *know* this is the wrong response, I know it's the wrong way of looking at it, but: What does it matter? Either Jesus *is* a part of G-d, in which case it stands to reason that the worship is being shared, or Jesus *isn't* part of G-d. I mean, I know that really, it's about showing G-d's love and mercy, but like? Hosea 14 very specifically demonstrates both of those traits? G-d has ALWAYS been loving and merciful. Don't get me wrong, I professed faith in Jesus before being baptized, I sing all of the worship hymns. But having specifically sought out the Jewish perspective, it makes a lot of sense??

I just don't know. I don't even know that there's even a proper question in here. I guess if anything the question is "am I willing to betray my faith," vs "is this actually even my faith as is"? Carrying all of these questions and doubts and views, can I still call myself a Christian? Is that still preferable to seeking out Judaism, thinking that my beliefs will align with it much better, even though I risk sabotaging my relationships with my family and friends? I want to have a meaningful relationship with G-d, and I want to live a good and fulfilling life, and I want to maintain good relationships with the people I care about. Can those things all coexist?

Anyways, I'm sorry this ended up being so long. I'm also immensely sorry for all of the persecution that you and the rest of the Jewish community have suffered. Thank you so much for reading all of this, I really appreciate it.

No worries, I got your back. You don't have to apologize for taking your time to explain yourself; that's how we can come to understand each other. I am sorry for how long it took me to reply to you.

I was raised a Mormon, and I actively deconverted in my twenties, long before I looked into converting to Judaism. A lot of your struggles here mirror my own. I am going to address your theological points/arguments from the general perspective of Christianity, and then talk about your interest in Judaism. I am not necessarily trying to dissuade you from Judaism, but I am going to talk a bit about how you were raised first.

It sounds like you were in a lot of Charismatic and Pentecostal denominations. This is something that's hard to get other people to understand, because what's normal for you--speaking in tongues for your early faith, baptisms for the dead in mine--is so far outside the realm of "normal" for everyone else. So, to focus on speaking in tongues: have you done any historical examinations of this practice? I have--Mormons used to do it! It turns out that what we call "speaking in tongues" is an extremely new practice which does not have roots in historical Christianity. While there were individuals and very small religious groups (usually considered cults) that practiced it, it didn't take off until the Great Awakenings in America in the 1800s.

I think you are also right about Hell and the Rapture. The thing is: these are also very new practices that were not a part of historical Christianity! The Rapture was invented around the same time as speaking in tongues, during the Great Awakenings.

As for Hell, though, that might be my more controversial claim, so let me go over it.

If you read the Christian Bible from cover to cover in order to discover Hell, you will not find it. There are places that talk about "weeping and gnashing of teeth". There are places that talk about Hades, a location in Greek paganism. There are places that talk about Sheol, which is "the grave" into which we are all shoveled one day. There are illustrative tales that seem to discuss an afterlife, but with no labeling and no great detail. There are places where there is talk of a great fire which will permanently burn away sinfulness--but no indication that this fire will burn forever.

But, I promise you this: if you read the Christian Bible and you don't know ahead of time to interpret specific verses as being about Hell, you will not find Hell in the Bible. Ever. It doesn't exist.

You also won't find Satan. You also-also won't find the Antichrist.

The reality is that Hell, Satan, and the Antichrist are Christian folklore. This folklore has built up over centuries (in the case of Hell and Satan) or decades (in the case of the Antichrist). We know it is folklore because popular culture feeds into and informs it. There was, for decades, a common stereotype that the Antichrist would have brown hair and would have a birthmark on his body of the number "666"--because that's what happened in the very fictional thriller/horror film "The Omen". Nowadays the Antichrist is blond, because that's what he was in the very fictional and very bad series "Left Behind". Stories like "Spawn" and "Constantine" and "Rosemary's Baby" and etc. all feed into and inform our perceptions of Hell/Satan/Antichrist, because you cannot find these concepts in the Bible as presented by preachers, pastors, and so-called "Bible experts".

What's even worse is that the Rapture, to pick one example, isn't something most of the teachers who preach about it believe in!

Think about it: do you think the average televangelist who preaches about the Rapture doesn't have a retirement plan? Do you think they don't have wills? That they haven't sent their own children to Bible college to prepare them for inheriting their control over the church? Heck, most of the preachers who spent the last few decades promising there won't be anymore decades have died of old age in their beds, surrounded by children who have been prepared for decades to go on preaching that there will be no more decades.

Now, I think this in and of itself gives the whole 'game' away. The highest-ranking folks preaching this stuff do not believe it. Their behavior, the only way that you can determine what a person truly believes, proves without a doubt that they don't believe it and never did. They've found a grift. A scam. An easy way to rook people into giving them money and treating them like small gods.

The ultimate purpose of the Devil, Antichrist, Rapture, anti-queer teachings, and so forth is to frighten and manipulate people with ambiguity. If you're right and they're wrong, then when you die, you're dead and the argument is over forever. But (and here's where the ambiguity knife slips in) oh but if they're right then the things that happen to you will be horrible. From their perspective, it's 'heads I win, tails you lose'.

This is the issue you faced with your mother talking about "a good-old-fashioned fire-and-brimstone preacher". Please consider, for instance, an extremely common, Biblical phrase Christians often use to describe the gospel. The Good News. Ask yourself, in all honesty, what "good news" would sound like to you. To me, it would be stuff like "You've won the lottery you never play", "Your dog missed you and wants to jump all over you", "You're going to be a father soon", "Your sick dad can travel again", "Your busted washing machine just fixed itself", "There's snow on the mountains and you saw a beautiful cloud in the sky on your walk". Those would all be good news to me. There's a lot of stuff, I'm sure, you can think of that would be good news to you.

Does anyone anywhere on Earth, even the fieriest and most brimstone-y of preachers, really, truly believe that "good news" includes sentiments like "You will burn in a lake of fire forevermore unless you pray a set of magic words and assent to the importance of saying the magic words as a prerequisite for escaping eternal fire"?

Doesn't sound good to me. Doesn't sound good to anybody. Nobody would hear that and think Oh boy, that sounds amazing! Sign me up! No one. Ever. That is, in fact, Bad News. It's astoundingly Bad News to hear that there is a Creator who, to borrow Lewis's imagery, creates life so he can vivisect it. It is Bad News to be asked to believe that a creature who creates beings in order to torture them forever is in control of the universe. That is the worst news we could possibly receive. It is worse than there being no G-d at all.

The only way you could sincerely believe it is to be a maltheist--a person who believes G-d is evil. You will note that people who do functionally believe this, by the way, tend to deny G-d's goodness--a significant theme in the Bible, even in the Christian version of the Bible--and emphatically focus on G-d's holiness, as though holiness is a trump card that cancels out goodness. "Sure, G-d is good, but He's also holy," they say, clutching their children to themselves tighter, knowing that G-d is holy and therefore not good (what's the opposite of "good"? Not "better"!) and that G-d will take their children and burn them forever unless they pray harder, and teach their kids to pray.

Better do it if you know what's good for you.

In other words, Hell and the Rapture and similar theological concepts are ideas created in the past couple of centuries by humans who wanted to create an eternal hostage situation. This is a very common theme throughout authoritarian Christianity. It is not, however, a requirement for Christianity. There are schools of Christian thought as well as individual Christians who reject Hell, etc., outright. Non-Nicene Christians can flat-out acknowledge that Hell doesn't exist in the Bible. Nicene Christians (those who believe in the Nicene Creed) can argue that when Jesus "descended to Hell", he destroyed it forever and liberated those within it. (That is what "the harrowing of Hell" means, theologically.)

You could, therefore, consider other modes of Christianity which maintain a belief in Jesus as G-d without necessarily converting to Judaism. This is, in some ways, going to be easier and more comfortable for you than converting. Judaism is not "Christianity minus the parts of Christianity which you personally find uncomfortable". Judaism doesn't exist to heal our psychic wounds from our theological upbringings. Again, I'm not telling you that you must remain a Christian. But it is something important to consider: is your issue with the folklore Christians add to Christianity, or is it with Christianity?

I suggest you look into concepts like "religious trauma" and "Rapture anxiety". Do not look up these concepts on places like Tumblr--go to scholarly articles. There are writers, Christians as well as atheists, psychiatrists and psychologists and experienced folks, who write eloquently on the subject. There are many, many resources out there and places where you can find support.

So, about whether or not you believe in Jesus: this is what most Christians would consider to be a dealbreaker question. At a certain point, boundaries are drawn and definitions are set, and to participate in a group, you have to fit within those boundaries and meet the definition. Belief in Jesus as a part of God (Trinitarianism) or as the Son of God (non-Trinitarianism) is vital to being a Christian. If you do not believe this, then you are a theist, but not a Christian.

Addressing this is the start of your internal wisdom. If you don't believe in Jesus, that's okay. The majority of humans on Earth right now do not believe in Jesus as G-d. The vast majority of humans who have ever lived did not believe in Jesus as G-d. You have been taught to view this fact as a heartbreaking tragedy. The beginning of your reprogramming, of you giving yourself permission to reject certain ideas, is perceiving this as a fact and not a tragedy.

Now, to your questions about converting to Judaism.

There are a lot of questions, not for me, but for you about whether or not converting is for you. You will have to answer those for yourself, but I'm going to try and guide you by providing you some of those questions.

Converting is a long process. The shortest conversions I'm aware of take many months. Mine is probably on the shorter side of average; it should take me a year and a half if everything stays on track for me. The classes won't just be showing up for a Zoom call or a physical class for an hour a week. You will have to read MANY books to get caught up on thousands of years of history. You will also be expected to do reports and turn in assignments and the like. The people who've dropped out of converting who started alongside me are folks in their 20s who did not have the free time to dedicate to another class. Do you have the time and the willingness to invest your time--perhaps free time you might have spent in fandom pursuits or on social media--into conversion classes?

Also, you should take classes from the philosophical group of Jews you plan on primarily attending with, because the odds are high that the Rabbi who teaches your classes will sponsor you. Do you know which philosophical group/denomination you want to convert to? If so, have you looked into what classes are available in your area for that specific group?

If you go Masorti/Conservative, you will be expected to read liturgical Hebrew when you go to the beit din. You probably won't have to speak modern Hebrew fluently, but it would help. Do you also have the time to learn an entirely new alphabet, or possibly, a whole new language?

How did you feel about recent and historical antisemitic violence? How do you feel about being potentially targeted by this sort of violence? I understand that this is very scary to contemplate, but it is absolutely a part of the process: understanding if your longing outweighs your fear.

The thing about Judaism being a closed/semi-closed practice is that, ultimately, conversion is not about you. It's a humbling experience. You are petitioning to be adopted by a family. A major Jewish religious principle is that all Jews are responsible for the behavior of other Jews. This is why prayers of repentance are usually phrased collectively--we have lied instead of I have lied. The Jewish community will want to know what you're bringing to the table. I will point out that the vast majority of Jews I've met have been extremely welcoming, because converting right now will show a level of seriousness on your part due to the risk… but still. Are you willing to accept that converting is about the Jewish community welcoming you, and not just about you wanting to join the Jewish community?

There are bigoted and hypocritical Jews. Just like every other community on Earth, Jews are not a monolith. I think that the most important lesson anyone can learn is that you'll always be alone if you want to avoid bigotry and hypocrisy, and even then, you might still not avoid them. Because there are so few Jews, it is actually more likely that you will be expected to argue with--but also worship and practice with--Jews who strongly disagree with you on a variety of subjects. Even if they aren't in your shul, they will definitely be out there in the world. There will also be Jews who think of you as a bigot and a hypocrite, and who will still embrace you as a Jew. The question is: is the problem you have with bigoted/hypocritical Christians that they are bigots/hypocrites, or is the problem that you are not socially permitted to push back against them? If the first, you should seriously reconsider joining any group. If the second, Judaism may be a better social fit for you.

Related to 6, there are going to be Jews who are bigoted or problematic in their politics who are grounded, thoughtful, and beautiful in their Judaism. Some of the most moving writing on Judaism I have encountered came from none other than Dennis Prager, who is generally a person I consider to be terrible politically. This is not hypocrisy on his part, IMO. It's that he's a person and people are complicated and contain multitudes. Prager can be horrific in his politics AND wonderful in his theology. Neither contradicts the other. Would this strike you as hypocritical? What would you do if confronted by it?

Generally, I would suggest that you talk to a Rabbi about your feelings. This is a meeting you should conduct face-to-face. Ideally, you should seek out a synagogue where you could see yourself attending. If there are no synagogues near you at all, then you can contact people via email or video calls. This is what I had to do because there are nearly no Jews in my entire province and none of them are Rabbis. I started out emailing English-speaking Rabbis in the UK, and they directed me to English-speaking Rabbis in Spain, who then directed me to the local community… who have since hired a Rabbi who lives outside the province but will guide our services. Rabbis are busy people, so that process of kicking around others' inboxes took a couple of months.

However you do it, you should tell the Rabbi about your religious history and about how you feel observing Jewish worship.

I think part of what struck me about your writing is that most non-Jews do not look at Jewish services with a sense of longing. I've heard a lot of goyim saying that such services are weird, that Jews pray funny and do silly rocking motions. I've heard goyim offer suppersessionist pity for Jews doing "hidebound rituals" when Jesus or the Prophet has "freed" them from such "unnecessary" or "wrong" practices. I've heard goyim express appropriative fascination, such as saying "Oh, this is how Jesus may have prayed" and then talking about how they plan on learning liturgical Hebrew so they can use it to pray to Jesus at their next Messianic seder. And I've heard atheist goyim dismiss everything out of hand as stupid Bronze-age superstition.

But longing? That's a different emotion entirely, and one I also understand.

I think watching those livestreams is a Good Thing, even if you choose not to convert to Judaism in the end. It's always great to expose yourself to open parts of other traditions and cultures! (I still kind of regret not being able to attend a Sikh service when I had the opportunity to do so.) And by the way, they are called sermons, but the other term for what Rabbis do during a service is called a drash.

I'll go through your more specific questions at the end, if that's okay:

The thing that makes one a Christian is believing that Jesus is the son of G-d and the Messiah. There's a LOT of variety on what those terms mean, but that's baseline. If you do believe in that in some way, shape, or form, you are a Christian. If you don't, you're not. You cannot be an atheist and be a Christian, for instance--and similarly, you cannot disbelieve in Jesus and also be a Christian. Whether you feel that way or not is up to you.

When you convert to Judaism, you will be rejected by friends and family. People will not only be actively angry at you for "rejecting" or "betraying" your original faith, they will suddenly turn massively antisemitic in ways you cannot imagine right now. The only way to avoid that is to not tell them you're converting, which is your right as an adult. You will also have friends and family who will surprise you with their kindness and support. Perhaps there are black sheep in your family who will reach out to you when they hear you're on the outs. I have a friend who's normally an edgelord who holds nothing sacred, who's become very empathetic and kind on the subject of Judaism in ways I never expected him to be. People will surprise you in both ways. The real question is this: do you want to remain in contact, as you grow old, with people who would reject you for questioning your religious beliefs and for being intellectually honest?

Yes, you can have that meaningful relationship with G-d and live a good/fulfilling life and maintain good relationships, but your definitions of what those things mean will differ.

That third one's important enough for me to explicate on a little longer.

Who "the people [you] care about" are will change. You will find new people, online and in your shul, who you care about intensely and want to maintain new relationships with. You will also lose people who you currently care about. Partly due to the aforementioned antisemitism, partly because you are at an age (forgive me for being a patronizing old dude for one second) where you're extremely likely to leave old friendships behind and create new ones. My own twenties were full of these changes. They included people who I swore would be my friends forever, my found family. The thing is that most of those changes were, in retrospect, for the best. Some of those "friends forever" folks were abusive and I only really appreciated that once they were gone. Some others were just not good fits for me. Others noticed me changing for the better and no longer wanted to be around me! And as I became a healthier person, those unfulfilling friendships were replaced, one by one, with better ones.

Which also ended, because moving and time passage still means you change and so do they, and that's okay.

I would try very hard not to worry about keeping people in your life forever. Some will leave for good. Some will leave and then come back later, having changed into better people. Some will stay and change to help you. Some will stay and try to drag you down into remaining the person they want you to be, and force you to leave. You will develop wisdom that will permit you to tell the difference. You'll mourn, you'll process, and you'll move on--telling your new friends in your Intro to Judaism class about how this person you could not live without rejected you, and commiserating when they all have similar stories.

What you mean by a good/fulfilling life is also going to change. Jewish ethics are, I'd argue, even more important than what folks would refer to as Jewish theology (and I'd also say they are inextricably inseparable, but that's my own opinion). My own Intro to Judaism class has spent more time on ethics than any other subject. That is because a great deal of the class is decolonization of thought. There's a loooooot of the Rabbi trying to unteach Christian thought and pointing us in the direction of Jewish thought.

Christian ethics, at this stage of Christianity, is largely negative (DON'T do certain things) and lacking in explanation (because the Bible says not to). Most importantly, though, Christian ethics are rooted in maintaining a hierarchy. Rather than empowering lay Christians to think for themselves, Christians are encouraged to think of what Jesus would do. If they don't have an answer to that, they are expected to ask their religious leader, who tells them what to do, and more importantly, what to believe.

Since belief is the defining aspect of what makes someone a Christian or not, that means belief (and therefore thought) must be policed and controlled whenever possible as part of Christian ethics. Hence, for instance, modern-day interpretations of the assertion that thinking of murder is the same as committing it leading preachers to announce that they would be cold-blooded murderers were it not for Jesus.

Judaism is more about empowering individual Jews to think for themselves and come to their own conclusions. This is why some Jews are atheists and some are not; there is no Rabbi with the power to force anyone to believe in G-d. This also includes ethics. Jewish ethics are more positive (DO do this), and have multiple explanations for why each thing must be done in a particular way. You can also dismiss those explanations and develop your own.

Yes, this is in direct contradiction to the supersessionist meme that Jews are trapped in a bunch of Laws that control every aspect of their lives, and if only they had Jesus/Islam to free them, they wouldn't be trapped in the Law. Remember the whole "decolonization of thought" thing? That's what I mean.

So! Not to be That Guy, but what you consider to be "good" in terms of "a good life" might end up changing. And so will what you consider to be "good" when it comes to "good people". If we're being honest, your definition of "good people" has probably already changed. You have probably seen people who you thought of as "good" reveal that they are rabid antisemites over the course of the past year and a half. You have probably seen people who you thought of as "good" remain silent over the gruesome murder of children because those children were Jewish. These changes are going to feel intimidating, but they are necessary--not for you to become Jewish, because you might not, but because you're coming into your identity as an adult person. And it's possible that even if you don't convert, you'll want to be the kind of person who believes that good people cannot also be antisemites, and you cannot have those people in your life.

Whatever you end up deciding, don't rush anything. I strongly encourage you to talk to a rabbi, not about starting the conversion process, but about your feelings and why you might consider converting. Get comfortable with this liminal space, if you haven't already (seeing as it took me way, way too long to finish this response and I'm so sorry about that). If you do decide to convert, you will be in this liminal not-Jewish-and-yet-no-longer-really-goy for a long, long time.

[secondaxispoint]

could you write a joel x reader where the reader sees a bunch of scars all over joel and makes him feel better about them? love your writing x

Pairing: Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: Scars, past violence

Content: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, little bit of angst

I love vulnerable Joel with all my heart. Thank you for the request!!

Scars and Stories

You were woken by warm beams of golden rays shining in from the window. You squint your eyes and grumble. You had forgotten to close the shades last night, instead leaving them half open. As you throw an arm over your eyes, you feel Joel shift next to you. He too was complaining about the bright sun in his eyes.

The both of you were going to stay in for the day. You turned away from the window and curled around his back. He mumbled something incoherently and shuffled further into your embrace. Just as you were about to drift off, there was a sharp knock on the door. You get up to answer it, your back protesting the sudden movements.

You shuffle to the front of the house and open the door. You see Tommy standing outside. He looks at you surprised and rambles on about something. You can’t quite catch what he's saying as you still have a lethargic fog clouding your mind. You nod along anyway and try to pay attention. 

“And you should probably put on a shirt too.”

He finishes his spiel and grins at you as he starts to walk away. You look down and realise that you indeed had no shirt on. You flip him the bird and close the door. You amble back to the bedroom. When you enter the bedroom, you see Joel still in bed. His hair was shaggy and dishevelled. He had an arm wrapped around a pillow while half his torso was showing.

He was almost glowing and you could see the scars that littered his body clearly in the morning sunlight. Seeing them always made you feel a bit sad. You knew how much Joel hated them. He always tried hiding them from you, ashamed of his past mistakes that had etched themselves into his skin. Constant reminders of his failures on him at all times. You had slowly been getting Joel to open up but you never pressured him about his discomfort about them. You too had your own scars. Ones that reminded you of your past as well.

You allowed yourself to crawl back into bed with Joel, staying above the covers. You laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling. You stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the silence. Joel had rolled back over and threw half of himself on top of you. His arm rested on your chest, giving you a clear view of a large scarred over gouge on his forearm. You looped your arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

Your eyes followed another scar by his tricep. A healed gunshot wound in his shoulder. A pinkened stab mark on his side. The further you got down his body, the more scars you counted. Joel had started waking up without you realising. He looked up to see you staring at him. He squirmed under your seemingly judgemental gaze. You noticed that he looked uncomfortable so you stretched to pull the sheet up to his chin and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. You felt the tension in his shoulders start to lessen.

“Why do you look at them like that?”

Joel asked you, weariness clear in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

You reply back. He looks away then puts his head back down on your chest.

“The scars. Why do you look at them like there is something to be appreciated.”

You shove your head back into the pillow behind your head and pause.

“Because they're a part of you.”

Joel doesn't move.

“They're a part of you and, like it or not, you are most definitely something to be appreciated.”

He stays silent and still. It takes him a moment but he finally finds his voice.

“They are a reminder.”

He sounds dejected.

“My mom used to say that ‘each scar had a story, and each story leaves a scar’. I always liked that.”

You keep your voice quiet, not wanting to startle the man laying across your chest.

“They aren't stories. They’re failures. I got each one of these because I screwed up in some way or another.”

Joel’s grip on you tightened.

“Positive or negative, your past is your past. You don’t have to say a word, but if you want to talk or get something off your chest, I'm here. I’ll always be here for you.”

You run your hand up and down his bare back, easing the tension in his muscles. He melted into you. Joel slowly pulled the sheets down, exposing his figure. He shifted and laid himself directly on top of you, his head now on your stomach. He studied your frame, his eyes skimming along your skin.

He pointed to an almost completely faded, tree root looking scar that splayed across your pec. Your expression saddened. You hesitantly told him how you got it. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss over top of it. He moved on to another, a thin scratch just to the right of your belly button. You again told him the story behind it, and he once again pressed a kiss to it.

He did this for almost every visible scar he could find. You flipped him over and did the same to him. Only you didn’t wait for him to tell how he got it. He just watched as you covered his torso in affection. He reached for your face, pulling you in. He placed a delicate kiss on your lips. You laid your head down on his chest, and traced one of the scars on his bicep. 

After a few moments, he told you how he had gotten it. His voice was faint and low, just barely loud enough for you to hear but you listened close. He had gotten it on the day of the outbreak. The day he lost his daughter.

"Thank you darlin"

You soothed him softly after a tear fell from his eye. You allowed yourselves a day off. The two of you deserve it.

[qpjianghu]

shaking crying screaming throwing up re: Desire Catcher (2019)

(Show CW: there is sexual violence involved in the core case. Please take care!)

I need to just ramble incoherently for a hot sec because oooooo boy the vibes are impeccable??

The TLDR is:

The two male leads have a relationship that's like Wangxian spiced with Pingxie. I know. I KNOW. The pining is off the charts, my friends. Truly unparalleled.

There is absolutely no romance whatsoever! (Except for the case where there are two men who adopt an abandoned baby together?? I mean?? ^_^) Huge win for the aros!!

If that's all you need, read no further, I shall not spoil. Come back and scream with me when you're done.

More detail below:

There are lots of surface-level similarities to Under the Skin: Frenemies-to-bromance male leads, one is a cop with a chip on his shoulder and impeccable dark/leather jackets, the other is a floppy-haired, khaki-wearing consultant with a peppy demeanor that hides deep personal trauma... but, honestly, I think Desire Catcher is what Under the Skin WISHES it was. (No shade if you loved Under the Skin -- I just personally wanted a bit more from it.)

The male leads, my goodness. Zheng Yecheng plays Lu Fengping, and Xin Yunlai plays Luo Fei. They are both so FREAKIN' good. Their characters at first just seem like typical archetypes of the stoic one and the bubbly one (WHICH I LOVE ANYWAY) but they take everything to the next level with their microexpressions that both reveal and conceal their haunted pasts, and extreme pining. Which leads me to...

The Wangxian of it all... *delighted sigh*... The person who wrote like the one fic on Ao3 in this fandom pointed out (much more eloquently than I'm about to) that Luo Fengping spends most of the show trying (and not knowing how) to save Lu Fengping the same way that Lan Wangji spends so much time trying (and not knowing how) to save Wei Wuxian. I won't spoil anything about their successes vs. failures in this post, but I have been turning around this brilliant point in my head for a week now and I am still vibrating at a totally normal frequency about them.

Which brings me to the devastating trope of how do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? Yes yes yes OF COURSE this is a Mysterious Lotus Casebook reference. Come chew glass with meeeeeeee

And there's also: The Girl Cop!! (lol) Liang Yin!!!!! I ended up loving her. I need to watch the show again just so I can love her more, because the whole time I was worried she would become a love interest to one of the guys she shared a past with. But they all find solace and redemption WITHOUT romance!! What a concept!

Which brings me to another show this one reminded me of: the k-drama The Guest. That show also has a glorious polycule who are all connected through a shared trauma and need each other to heal. HOOK IT TO MY VEINS.

The case of the week stuff was pretty good. And by pretty good I mean completely devastating.

The big final plot resolution was a little werd ngl but you just gotta squint through some of the copaganda, shhh, it's fine

(The ENDING though.... literally just heart eyes all over the place, motherfuckers)

Look I know I said there wasn't any romance, but Luo Fei and Lu Fengping spend at least five minutes every episode pining at each other / into each other's eyes RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD while a dramatic ballad plays in the background, so, like. That's a thing. <3

Did I literally pay for the more expensive Viki subscription service so I could gif their pining in better HD?? Who's to say???

[loveritas]

The following message is guaranteed 100% anthrax free!

"Profound discoveries are made where people gather and shadows part" Be it the flicker of a flame, the white glow of moonlight, or warm rays of sun, we've always gathered in and around light. There, songs are sung, tales told, and discussions had. Whenever we speak, the God of Wisdom and Truth will listen. If he senses in these gatherings the allure not of knowledge for the sake of it, but a desire to improve ourselves and the world around us, he grants his blessing and guides us along the path of progress.

But remember, he would be blind to our acts of devotion if not for his beloved, and thus, we shall always remember to offer our gratitude to the Goddess of Light. Were she to turn her back, we would forever be stuck without clarity in our heart and mind.

It is said that he taught humanity to harness fire, as he could not bear the thought of his beloved's reach being restricted to the outside. In turn, no statue of him is ever without light, her gentle touch forever caressing her lover and illuminating his surroundings.

aaaa hi eris!! and happy february!! I'm super happy and grateful to have met you :3 I hope it's okay that I took the liberty of playing around with you and veritas and mythology vibes >< you've been really sweet and fun to interact with thus far and I'm certain it'll be fun to speak with you in the future as well (❁´◡`❁)

soo this is me imprinting on you and now you’re stuck with me 🐥

the week has not been off to a great start and i’m so tired today but i saw this and it made my whole day !! i was not expecting this masterpiece in my inbox??? i saw the pictures and was like okay wait wait 👁️👁️ and then my eyes saw the bit at the bottom about mythology and i had to lock in to read it and proceeded to scream about every single one of those sentences 🫨 AHHHHSNDJSJXJ

i know i know i said it earlier (i think…) but it’s like poetry and it feels so fitting - i honestly zoned out when reading it and was imagining it as an actual mythical story that has been passed down forever to people, it truly feels it with the way it’s written - it’s so good omg i need to inject your writing into my bloodstream so i can forever be happy, the joy i got reading this, my focus was on it as if it was actual mythology like i said, i wish it were a real piece this is so good i am !!!!!!?!?!????!!!?!??!

also i’m sorry this is purely word vomit ramble, incoherent mess, i cannot explain my love for this in eloquent terms, veritas is shaking his head in disappointment as i say that 🙂‍↔️

i had no idea how i could pair goddess of light with god of wisdom and then you just !!!!! then you just !!?!!?!!! this is like the most perfect thing ever idk how to express it other than just repeating it because i mean it so sincerely when i say this will now be significant lore of mythological veris au, i owe it all to you because the idea of needing the other to fully do what they intend to do, the light is needed for the wisdom how did you - what why who what how did you come up with this AJDNWKXSN ANSNIXJSND WJENKCKEJDJ this is literally the best veris lore ever you’re telling me this beautiful story stems from veris ???? the honour 🥹

i

that whole first part is such a beautiful concept, that light is all around and the discussions and knowledge within are happening around that &&

he would be blind to our acts of devotion if not for his beloved

do you know how much i love that ?? well i could tell you but it’s ∞ the way we go hand in hand is making me sob and i would’ve never thought about it like that but you did and it’s so precious !!!

he taught humanity to harness fire, as he could not bear the thought of his beloved's reach being restricted

be right back whilst i pass away because what do you mean he taught humans to create fire because he couldn’t bear the thought of me being out of reach ?!?!? auphie auphie auphie I am going to scream - i mean i already am but just even more so much so that you’ll be able to hear me through the screen - this thought is so heartwarming (pun not intended) him using his knowledge to allow access for more of me in the world stop stop stop !!!!!!??!!)!!!?

no statue of him is ever without light, her gentle touch forever caressing her lover and illuminating his surroundings

EXCUSE ME 🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨 beautiful is not enough what are some more synonyms….none that get it across either this is truly an ‘if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more’ it’s not fair i can’t express the effect this has on me, i feel like my universe has switched - this imagery is so stunningly poetically exquisitely, magnificently, divinely, elegantly angelic i will never forget this never ever - first waking thought, all waking thoughts, last thought before i sleep & then in my dreams too - this is !!!! AKSKSKSNSISJSNSJSJSNDNAIANSNSJSJDNSNS i love love love this so much, and it’s a true, i would always want the statue to be bathed in light because he’s my love and we— we go together and no one can be without the other because because lemme mention plato rq super brief but - the cave allegory !! knowledge and the light and the link and and omg auphie it works veris works with those pairings and you helped me see that !!!!! also also also (i repeat myself when i’m excited can you tell?) i’m getting a veris mythology au piece and i have the idea of it all it’s actually got links to the sculptures but i didn’t think too much about the light and then i saw this and was like i have to add something about the lighting on the statue of us so thank you for that lighting contribution 🙂‍↕️

i am unwell i am dizzy i love this and i will never get over this THANK YOU FOR THIS I CANT EVEN THANK YOU PROPERLY SO I REALLY AM JUST AFFECTIONALLT BITING YOU BEVAUSE WHAT THE HELL AND IVE GIVEN UP ON TRYING TO MAKE SENSE

i’m so happy to have met you are you kidding me i love you & i’m so glad you chose to play around with it because now i have seen the light (again pun not intended) this was so beautiful and i’m so glad we’re mutuals and i hope you have an amazing february and i’d apologise for rambling but i think you are used to it with me :’)) you are my own personal angel and i love you, i know there’s a halo over the little crow

[silverzoomies]

Ooh you should do like headcannons of what it’s like sleeping next to Peter or having kids with Peter

ohhhh my gosh this is so intimidating, but i'll try my best !!

💙peter maximoff headcanons💙

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💙sleeping next to peter💙

listen, anon...

i personally don't imagine he sleeps

like, at all. ever

but if he did? he's either one of two sleeper types

he might crash like a log. and you won't be able to move him once he's conked out. like good luck tryin' to roll him off you

if you gotta get up? sucks to suck. you're stuck there for a while

but he could also be the type to toss and turn in his sleep

like, all night. super restless. kicking his legs and everything

might even talk a lot in his sleep, rambling incoherent babble

you'd wake up to him saying shit like, "ohhhh shit. forgot i left the cats in the car."

but he doesn't drive. he doesn't even have cats. what's he dreamin' about??? does he dream as fast as he moves????

he might also switch gears a lot. going from super clingy, to super distant really quick

one moment, he's got his cheek pressed to yours, snuggling super close. needing to be near you so bad, otherwise he'll literally die

the next, he wants his space. stretches himself out on the other side of the bed. and if you come too close, he lowkey groans about it. but like affectionately

he's like a picky cat hopped up on too much adrenaline

i don't think he'd be too overly affectionate, though. if anyone wrapped him up in a cuddle session for too long, he might get pretty antsy. just in case he's gotta move

don't even get me started on the potential for morning wood

💙having kids with peter💙

would strive to be the best damn dad ever, and you can't convince me otherwise

since he grew up without a dad himself. he wouldn't want his children to grow up feelin' the way he did

he'd try to be super present in their lives, and very involved. even if things got a little too overwhelming sometimes

he'd wanna be nothing but supportive and loving of all their hobbies and endeavors

peter knows when to set boundaries, but he'd have a tendency to be a little too lenient

once his kid got a little older, he'd be so tempted to drag them into some harmless trouble. to your dismay

like, they'd start pulling pranks on you together. but the pranks are as simple as pelting you with water balloons when you're least expecting it

or, oh no! he ran them to mcdonald's for somethin' to snack on. without you! and right after you said you were gonna make dinner that night too! they'll ruin their appetites like that!

"okay, but they really wanted nuggets. wouldn't stop askin' about it. they even said please! what was i supposed to do? say no!? look at this face!!" and he gestures to your kid's precious doll face

if his kid is born with mutant genes, he'd be so goddamn proud

and a little worried too. he'd be terrified of how his kid would be treated in school, especially for bein' different

that is...unless you enrolled your kid at charles's school. most ideal scenario honestly. peter would feel way more content then

his kid definitely wants to become a great, x-men hero like their papa someday

he introduces his kiddo to his favorite music wayyyy early on. like, your newborn is resting in their crib. and he's playin' pink floyd like it's a lullaby

"honey, we really gotta make sure this lil rascal's educated, don't we?" but he's talking about exposing them to david bowie

but if his kid grew up listening to all the genres he doesn't, he'd still be as supportive as he could

his kid likes lil nas or lady gaga or somethin'? he's takin' the whole family to a live show. he's wearing the merch. he's learning the songs. he's singin' those songs in the crowd

i do think he'd get pretty anxious, though. might worry he's not a good enough father. maybe thinks he's not cut out for it. you have to reassure him all the time: he's doing the best he can. better than you could ever hope for

he's busy with hero work and teaching a lot of the time. when he starts to get a lil too absent, he's terrified he's neglecting his kid in some way

but he's got no idea his kiddo thinks the entire world of him. literally the coolest dad ever in the history of the universe. his kid will go to school and be like "yeah well my dad's quicksilver"

he's the kinda dad who's gonna splurge on christmas gifts. so many, you won't be able to see the floor. you're worried he stole them all. but he swears on his life he paid for everything. he's gotta set a good example, after all !!

impossible challenge: try not to feel soft after thinkin' about him sitting in his kiddo's bed. readin' a bedtime story. doin' silly voices and pointing at all the pictures

the bedtime stories are x-men comics

[rjschoicesstuff]

Ok I watched both playthroughs for Paths Not Taken now, spoilers ahead of course!!

And incoherent rambling ahead

I'm a huuuge fan of how the choices you make rly do impact stuff!! I hope that's a sign that that might become more common in future books!

Evil thought: I kinda would've loved it if they'd been killed when you abandon cas/gabe at the creator's camp... So you're just fr on your own with your li from there on + getting to see the story with no cas/gabe. But ok then the whole thing with the beech tree couldn't have happened then and I thought that was interesting too.

I LOVED the glimpse of a Crimson Beech without leylines in one of the endings!! And a mc who stayed human!! And the whole implication that the creator will be back!!

I think the oooone thing I do rly strongly disagree with is in Gabe's route. After you find out she's a vampire and you call her a monster, she disagrees with you like 'no I used to think so too but these past weeks with you made me realise im not.' Cuz I'm like, idk I feel like that part of Gabe's character development only really happens once mc actually knows she's a vampire and still loves her despite it? Like to me that always felt like a realisation she could only have under those circumstances?

Also idk how to word this but like, I'm also never a fan of when at some point there's a spot that can be taken by different characters. (Think of AME Teagan and Bianca, terrorfest) so stuff happening to/with them isn't unique to them anymore? (Tho I get y they do it because it's easier that way) Which in this case is like once you get back to the nexus and one of them conspires with their coven leader. But like also it didn't feel ooc for either of them in either route + from what I saw their dialogue was different at least (like it always bugs me the most when characters take that place and get the same dialogue). Prob more believeably in character for Cas, like I always felt like for a while he still has a high opinion on Astoria and his opinion of her lessening is due to mc, so not applicable here. For Gabe I think it's very interesting to imagine this version of her that actually trusts Lewyn, and enough to do that/let him manipulate her like that, because I always assumed she'd just always have been more wary of him. But like it doesn't seem ooc TO ME, I can even imagine her in a way viewing him as someone who 'saved' her grandmother because by letting Gabe turn, her grandmother got spared (and still lived for a while after that, from what I understood). Like you know when you just start making yourself believe shit to cope/make a situation easier to accept? I can imagine it like that for sure. Like it's better to convince herself her covenleader is the lesser of two evils. And who at least cares about the humans too. And finally she's also surrounded by vampires who have a very high opinion of him (think of when mc meets Gabe's vampire friends and how they talk about him).

All in all it definitely confirms to me that those three are just supposed to be together, like that's when they are at their best. Nods in agreement with myself

[lunar-rcp]

𓏲 ₊˚๑ ꒰ A halloween dilemma ?! ꒱ ໑

🌷🔥 ミ royber short oneshot

☆ Something short. I've been taking a while with oneshots, so i decided to make a little something for myself and you guys if you're all interested !

Halloween was just creeping around the corner, and everyone was understandably excited for a spooky holiday.

Eating candy till your stomach twists, wandering around town admiring the decorations everyone had set up, scaring everyone out of their engines..

A very exciting holiday, indeed.

But last and for more importantly;

What's Halloween without a dazzling costume to show off?

A situation the rescue team would rather avoid. They are the face of the town, the stars, if you will. They must dress to outshine the others as stars do.

And so, they were all situated at their base. Clothes are scattered all around on the ground, concept sketches were made of a mess on the desk.

“Amber, have you found something to wear yet?” Helly tilted his head in curiosity, the fabric made stem of his pumpkin costume slightly dropping down.

All of the others had already been pleased with their costumes. However, Amber was in a slump as she couldn't figure out what to wear for hers. And time was ticking!

“Not yet..” A long, weary sigh rolled out of Amber. She just had to think of something, but what could she do?

“Hmm..” Poli hummed, rubbing the side of his head with his palm. “Perhaps you can take inspiration from something you like!”

“Something I like?” Amber's eyes averted towards Roy's door.

And as if fate had tied the strings of inspiration together, an idea had popped up in her head.

A great one.

“You all look amazing!” Jin clapped her hands together. “I just can't wait for halloween! All our costumes look–” Jin put her rambles to a halt when she spotted Amber wasn't in the room with the others. “Huh?” Jin raised an eyebrow. “Where did Amber go?”

“Ah, I think she's in her room at the moment. She did say she needed time to prepare her costume.” Roy gave a tiny smile. “Would you like for me to go get her?” Roy offered, his hand raising up as to gesture his offer.

“That would be great! Thanks, Roy!” Jin placed her hands onto her hips, looking content.

A minute or so later, Roy stood in front of Amber's door. For some reason he didn't know himself, he felt oddly nervous. As if something was awaiting just behind the door.

With a deep breath, he knocked onto her door. “Amber? Jin needs you, are you there?”

“Come in!!” A muffled voice spoke from behind the door, only adding to Roy's concerns.

“Uh, alright?” Roy answered Amber's voice with a puzzled tone of voice of his own. Just what was she planning?

“I'm coming in!” Roy hesitantly pushed the door aside, stepping into Amber's room only to find a room filled with a black void of darkness.

Why aren't the lights on? “Uh, Amber! I'm turning the lights on, I can't really see.” Roy directed his headlights towards the light switch, he then flicked it on.

He was met with a sight he'd never expected to happen in a million light years.

“Well, well!” A mischievous giggle emitted from the ambulance as she twirled around, the sweet smile she usually had was now a smug one.

Amber had decided to wear something she likes the most!

..That being, an outfit like Roy's. To the firemen's hat to the huge boots he always wore, she had it spot on.

“Y'know, Poli told me to wear something I'd like!” Amber sweetly giggled. “Sooooo..”

She pointed her finger directly at the widen-eyed fire engine.

“I'd like to put out those flames that dance around your heart, Roy!” A soft pink hue was lightly brushed on her cheeks, but she had winked to play it cool.

Roy, on the other side.. wasn't playing it as cool as he hoped. A bright, red blush had emitted on the sides of his cheeks. His blush was even redder than his own paint.

“I– oh my god– Amber– Uh–” His words only spiraled into a row of incoherent mumbles. With everything he had tried to say, he had clumsily tripped over his words.

Safe to note, Amber had decided on the devil concept she had initially. Otherwise, she'd need to put a fire out that had blazed from out of the fireman himself on the top of his head.

Although, that was the cutest reaction Roy has ever had in a lifetime. A memory that Amber will always look back upon with a warm feeling sparked within her heart.

divider by @cafekitsune !

[real-reulbbr-band]

Munkoffelees

I know I just made the Tuggof post but like, I genuinely thought Munkoffelees was gonna win and so I prepared stuff for them beforehand so might as well post it now :)

By god this rare pair is so rare I could barely find any gifs of them I need to spread Munkoffelees agenda

Pre-realationship  

• Mistoffelees made the fatal mistake of asking Alonzo for dating advice to win over Munk, and he ends up giving him a bunch of pickup lines to use on Munkustrap as a joke. Mistoffelees thinks he’s being serious however and is hesitant but thinks it’s worth a shot Munkustrap only ever ends up being confused or finding the lines funny complementing Misto for his “tugger impression”.

• Mistoffelees doesn’t feel like he needs to fight for Munkustrap’s attention, he’s aware of how busy he is and tries to work around it by helping him out most of the time with some magical assistance.

When Mistoffelees starts to help out Munkustrap more often with daily tasks around the junkyard Demeter started calling misto “Munkustrap’s little helper”. Mistoffelees will never admit it verbally but he likes the name and Demeter probably knows it.

• Also I saw this one post about how in cats Warsaw Munkustrap keeps subtly missing misto using magic (I believe it was per-the-Jellicle-magician) and that became my favorite thing ever so, after the ball Mistoffelees isn’t even trying to hide his magic but Munkustrap never really gets to see him use it since. He always turns or gets distracted with something else at the last moment leaving Mistoffelees to grunt and mumble to himself about not being able to impress Munk with magic however the one time he was using his magic without really thinking like zapping tugger Munkustrap actually sees it. Mistoffelees still remembers how sweet Munkustraps genuine laughter was.

• Mistoffelees thinks so hard about how to impress Munkustrap that he doesn’t realize that he’s already impressed Munk enough with the subtle things he does, like entertaining the kittens, dancing his heart out or just being his slightly cheeky but kind self. Munkustrap loves it all.

Coupled stuff yay: 

• On a few rare glimpses Munkustrap can be found with small traces of glittery residue on him curtsy of mistoffelees. (Cause they cuddle together so much) Munkustrap doesn’t notice ever until someone points it out In which he gets very flustered and tries to brush it off but not too much since he does like to be reminded of Misto. 

• whenever Munkustrap has overworked himself and returns to his den tired out, Mistoffelees gives him a surprise shoulder massage whilst asking Munkustrap about his day. Sometimes Munk will fall asleep halfway through the story and misto will just give him a kiss on the cheek and bid him goodnight.

• Munkustrap just admires Mistoffelees so much, he loves it whenever him and Misto have time alone together and when Mistoffelees starts rambling on and on about his interests he does get quite lost in thought however just watching Mistoffelees.

• Mistoffelees likes to be carried around especially by Munk, when their walking back to Munks den or Misto’s humans home or just when he can find the opportunity Mistoffelees will leap into Munkustraps arms. Munk normally has a completely neutral expression on his face while on the inside his heart’s pounding out of his chest.

• Munkustrap talks in his sleep, like all the time. Mistoffelees will sometimes not even know Munk is asleep and just talk back to him. He’d only notice when he picked up on how incoherent the conversations were. 

• Munkustrap is very gentlemen like, he loves to kiss Mistoffelees on the paw or forehead. While they aren’t a very PDA couple they do like their sweet and subtle touches. Like wrapping their tails together or squeezing each others hands.

• They slow dance together, I don’t make the rules they just do. Normally munkustrap will sing him a song whilst they do with Mistoffelees quietly singing alongside him enjoying the presence and peace of each other for as long or short-lived the dance maybe it didn’t matter cause they were together.

[second-axis-point]

Pairing: Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: Scars, past violence

Content: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, little bit of angst

I love vulnerable Joel with all my heart. Thank you for the request!!

Scars and Stories

You were woken by warm beams of golden rays shining in from the window. You squint your eyes and grumble. You had forgotten to close the shades last night, instead leaving them half open. As you throw an arm over your eyes, you feel Joel shift next to you. He too was complaining about the bright sun in his eyes.

The both of you were going to stay in for the day. You turned away from the window and curled around his back. He mumbled something incoherently and shuffled further into your embrace. Just as you were about to drift off, there was a sharp knock on the door. You get up to answer it, your back protesting the sudden movements.

You shuffle to the front of the house and open the door. You see Tommy standing outside. He looks at you surprised and rambles on about something. You can’t quite catch what he's saying as you still have a lethargic fog clouding your mind. You nod along anyway and try to pay attention. 

“And you should probably put on a shirt too.”

He finishes his spiel and grins at you as he starts to walk away. You look down and realise that you indeed had no shirt on. You flip him the bird and close the door. You amble back to the bedroom. When you enter the bedroom, you see Joel still in bed. His hair was shaggy and dishevelled. He had an arm wrapped around a pillow while half his torso was showing.

He was almost glowing and you could see the scars that littered his body clearly in the morning sunlight. Seeing them always made you feel a bit sad. You knew how much Joel hated them. He always tried hiding them from you, ashamed of his past mistakes that had etched themselves into his skin. Constant reminders of his failures on him at all times. You had slowly been getting Joel to open up but you never pressured him about his discomfort about them. You too had your own scars. Ones that reminded you of your past as well.

You allowed yourself to crawl back into bed with Joel, staying above the covers. You laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling. You stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the silence. Joel had rolled back over and threw half of himself on top of you. His arm rested on your chest, giving you a clear view of a large scarred over gouge on his forearm. You looped your arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

Your eyes followed another scar by his tricep. A healed gunshot wound in his shoulder. A pinkened stab mark on his side. The further you got down his body, the more scars you counted. Joel had started waking up without you realising. He looked up to see you staring at him. He squirmed under your seemingly judgemental gaze. You noticed that he looked uncomfortable so you stretched to pull the sheet up to his chin and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. You felt the tension in his shoulders start to lessen.

“Why do you look at them like that?”

Joel asked you, weariness clear in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

You reply back. He looks away then puts his head back down on your chest.

“The scars. Why do you look at them like there is something to be appreciated.”

You shove your head back into the pillow behind your head and pause.

“Because they're a part of you.”

Joel doesn't move.

“They're a part of you and, like it or not, you are most definitely something to be appreciated.”

He stays silent and still. It takes him a moment but he finally finds his voice.

“They are a reminder.”

He sounds dejected.

“My mom used to say that ‘each scar had a story, and each story leaves a scar’. I always liked that.”

You keep your voice quiet, not wanting to startle the man laying across your chest.

“They aren't stories. They’re failures. I got each one of these because I screwed up in some way or another.”

Joel’s grip on you tightened.

“Positive or negative, your past is your past. You don’t have to say a word, but if you want to talk or get something off your chest, I'm here. I’ll always be here for you.”

You run your hand up and down his bare back, easing the tension in his muscles. He melted into you. Joel slowly pulled the sheets down, exposing his figure. He shifted and laid himself directly on top of you, his head now on your stomach. He studied your frame, his eyes skimming along your skin.

He pointed to an almost completely faded, tree root looking scar that splayed across your pec. Your expression saddened. You hesitantly told him how you got it. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss over top of it. He moved on to another, a thin scratch just to the right of your belly button. You again told him the story behind it, and he once again pressed a kiss to it.

He did this for almost every visible scar he could find. You flipped him over and did the same to him. Only you didn’t wait for him to tell how he got it. He just watched as you covered his torso in affection. He reached for your face, pulling you in. He placed a delicate kiss on your lips. You laid your head down on his chest, and traced one of the scars on his bicep. 

After a few moments, he told you how he had gotten it. His voice was faint and low, just barely loud enough for you to hear but you listened close. He had gotten it on the day of the outbreak. The day he lost his daughter.

"Thank you darlin"

You soothed him softly after a tear fell from his eye. You allowed yourselves a day off. The two of you deserve it.

[articskele]

Yall I just gotta spill my incoherent rambles about Its Name Was Cesar Torres because GRAAAAHHHHH

Spoilers under the cut!

I saw one post that was like “Ok but which would be more fucked up: the alternate killing Cesar while wearing the face of his mom, or vice versa?” And this fic gave us a third and even more devastating option holy shit-

“Picking up the receiver, it paused before pressing at the shapes in the pattern it knew would make Cesar Torres’ friend speak.”

DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LINE.

Understanding the how but not the why, having the knowledge but not the experience, the inhuman detachment of it all. One small detail that betrays its whole state of being right now: An imitation.

And don't even get me started on the headcanons for how alternates work bc they're so FASCINATING

The way alternates just. Absorb? Things? To take on their form? One of the comments mentioned the alt wearing Cesar's corpse like a parasite and AOUGH

The way emotions have taste- Altsar's initial plan to understand pain just so it could make Mark's suffering that much better to savor- It's just the sheer embodiment of their nature as entities of consumption, born into a state of empty eternity

The way alternates have no personal stake in the war and are just doing what they do best because they can- The way alternates can't die and are just cast back into the void from whence they came, only delaying the inevitable-

Pfffft Mark walks in and just sees Altsar like 🧍 aksjdalkfh- Not a single thought between those eyes dude

Mark with the chewed up fingernails he just like me fr

THE BIBLE REFERENCES THE BIBLE REFERENCES OUGHHGHGHH HOLY SH IT

I don't even know why I love em so much they just make me FERAL- OK BUT THAT SCENE IN CHAPTER 2 WITH MARK RECITING THE FUCKIGNF PSALM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BRO IS CLINGING. HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE SOMEONE HELP HIM. GO CHRISTIAN BOY GO!!!! Voted God's little lamb most likely to be slaughtered-

THE PANCAKESSSSS. WHAT IF I CRIED. A glimpse of silliness in the storm, and Altsar fuckin grinning from ear to ear (perhaps literally lmao-) I love that and I want them to be ok in the end-

Can we talk about the deer alternate. Can we tALK ABOUT THE FUCKING DEER AAAAUGHH

They had us in the first half not gonna lie with the Mark fakeout- The way I slapped my hand over my mouth like "WUH? HUH??"

AND THEN ALTSAR, OVERWHELMED WITH RAGE, STRIKING THIS ABOMINATION WITH ALL OF ITS THEIR MIGHT. AND YET IT JUST KEEPS TALKING. WORDS DRIPPING FROM ITS SLACKED JAW LIKE SALIVA. WHY WON'T IT STO P.

The moment Altsar realizes he's gotten way in over his head past the point of no return- The constant change of it to they to he, struggling with newfound humanity and unable to see where the alternate ends and the dead man begins. Is there even a difference anymore?

The whole warm and cold thing..... Mark taking Altsar's hands into his and bandaging his its wounds..... Injured. Broken. Both of them living a lie for as long as they can.

AND CAN WE JUST APPRECIATE THE WAY EVERYTHING COMES TOGETHER AT THE END:

The Mary statue and the deer alternate coming back

Mark's righteous fury framed by the shards of the Evangelist

The change from ¬ Shoot me, Mark Heathcliff. I am not what you think. ¬ to ¬ Don’t shoot me. I'm not what you think. ¬

Altsar finally experiencing pain, only for it to be at the hand of his best friend. Bleeding out as he screams for the one thing he just can't go without.

“It hurts, Mark. It hurts.”

IT'S JUST SO!!! GODDDDDDDDD. WHAT IF I CRIED. WHAT IF I TURNED INTO A LITTLE PUDDLE HUH. WHAT THEN.

I just. I struggle to find the words to describe how much I adore this fic, yall. If you were to look in my brain you would just find that one video of the guy shouting "HEEEELP. HEEEEEEELP. HELP MEEE." with the most expressionless face-

I like this fic. I like it a whole lot. And I can't wait to see what comes next ouo

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

How do you think myriah and daeron fell in love?

Ohhh this is a really fun question! Honestly when it comes to these two I think it was less this instant moment and more like a slow burn timeline- and because I have a lot of thoughts on them that might become a lot of incoherent rambling I’m gonna put it under the cut here for convenience lol-

So from what little info we know+ a bit of guesswork, it’s clear that Daeron and Myriah most likely weren’t in love at first sight given the general circumstances as to why they were getting married lol. In the beginning they’re respectful to one another, but distant and untrusting due to preconceived biases. They get to know each other on a surface level just so they aren’t complete strangers to one another cause Daeron definitely doesn’t know how to properly interact with any woman besides his mom, and Myriah’s more than a little suspicious that this white boy’s going to end up being a prick like his dad (and surprise! They may or may not bond over mutual hatred for Aegon)

Around the time Baelor’s born and the other Baelor kicks the bucket though, I could see some walls slowly breaking down as they learn to trust one another. After all, Daeron’s now in the direct line of succession with the expectation that he and Myriah raise a future heir to the iron throne, and you can’t exactly raise a kid together without trusting your partner who’s helping you raise them (well… technically you can- but you know what I mean). So around the reign of Viserys II, I could see them becoming at the very least co-parents for their kids with a bit of affection thought to be friendship for one another sprinkled in for flavour.

When Aegon IV takes over however, that’s when the dynamic changes a bit. Now they’re no longer just the other parent for their kids- now they have to work as a team in a court that’s mostly hostile to them both. They have to be a united front, to be the perfect successors and the better alternative to the asshole currently sitting on the throne, so they definitely got each other’s backs (which is a bit of a fact! Seeing as from what we know Daeron he was a bit of a thorn in his dad’s side when it came to Aegon’s schemes, particularly the ones concerning Dorne). But that’s just generally a given, I think what really got them to slowly fall for one another was the moments alone with one another in between, where they could just be together without every move being a deliberate political statement to a constant watching eye.

By the time Daeron himself becomes king, I think they’re still definitely a team, but more partners who genuinely care and love for each other based on their slow bond. Unfortunately they can’t really be equals, since nobles might take it less as “Oh they want to have a joint rule together, that’s nice :)” and more “!!this evil horrible snake is controlling her husband like a puppet!!1!1!1”, so while Myriah’s not going to sit on the iron throne or anything like that, I’d like to think she’s one of Daeron’s most trusted advisors and generally helped him rule the realm without putting herself too much out there. Also, I’ve seen this take get tossed around a little bit but I wanna put it here anyways- I definitely think when their kids were old enough to have their own kids, they were the sweetest grandparents imaginable, those kids could get away with just about anything when it came to them lol.

Will Grrm inevitably ruin this and make it another toxic marriage disguised as a love story come Fire and Blood Vol. 2? Probably, but I’m still going to hold onto the hope that my boy doesn’t turn out to be a dickhead and actually loved his wife through mutual love and respect, no matter how weird he might be otherwise!

(Also I have a lot of headcanons for these two but I’m a bit worried that I rambled for a bit too much lol- thank you so much for the question!)

[spring-lxcked]

taking a small break to ramble incoherently abt my portrayal of william in what will be a very confusing post lmao

i'm thinking about how my portrayal, which draws inspiration from two specific characters at times, and how i apply that inspiration to william (which started off as the focus of the post before it derailed how did this get so long i'm sorry)

the first is (and i do hate to make this comparison ngl) my portrayal of kok.ichi over on @takinghisbow. i mean, one of the running themes of the blog is the "mask" kok.ichi wears to conceal his true emotions and i've consistently tried to keep myself from falling into that exact turn of phrase on this blog for the most part. these are two characters who do not want you to actually know anything about them and hide everything from intentions to feelings to expressions (yes hello i have realized in the last year that i mask in public thanks for noticing). the obvious differences between these two are motivation (kok.ichi is motivated by trust issues and self-hatred, william is motivated to try to cover up his misdeeds) and method (kok.ichi acts antagonist/annoying to push people away, but william acts falsely kind to draw people in while still keeping them at an arm's length). kok.ichi has questionable morals, but tries to be good where it counts. william is a terrible person and has no intentions of changing that, although he can be kind to those he likes if it isn't "a burden" to him.

the other character (who i also tentatively write) is hann.ibal lec.ter (specifically the NB.C portrayal). and i've said it before, but "you're not a person, you're a monster wearing a person-suit" is william-coded lmao. they're both monsters, and yet capable of caring. they are not incapable of empathy or sympathy, but choose how to wield it. outside of their very horrific hobbies, nobody would ever think they were killers. both are surrounded by death, and yet not suspected because nobody could ever believe they'd do it (until it's too late).

going into making this blog, i was very adamant that i wanted a complex portrayal that didn't fall too far into generic movie serial killer stereotypes. we don't throw around potentially offensive terms like "psychopath" or "sociopath" here. we don't suggest that lack of empathy = bad person here. i also was very, very loathe to do the whole "evil guy looks Totally Evil and is so obviously creepy" because it quite literally made little sense to me. how is this guy killing so many kids and not getting suspected if he screams "Serial Killer" just by looking at him? if he's antagonistic and creepy and clearly threatening? and in that same vein i wanted to avoid "bad person is bad all the time 24/7, never does anything decent ever" because i live for nuance, not the chr.istian fund.amentalist black/white thinking i grew up in. i wanted him to be irredeemably, unmistakably evil without losing the fact that evil people are humans, and humans are capable of great evil if they choose.

i want the moments where he's being decent—a seemingly good friend, father, or romantic partner—to be almost disarming. because, while william is perfectly capable of caring for people, his actions (both in what he does and what he doesn't do) are intentional. always. his sense of humor with his adult friends or romantic partners is half because he genuinely enjoys joking around and half because he wants to be viewed a certain way. funny. normal. just one of your buddies. him doting on his kids is because he loves them, but also because he needs for everyone—both the kids and the community—to be able to say, "What a good father, he would never hurt anyone (and especially not a child)." when he resists showing anger (whether entirely or just the full extent of it) toward someone he's upset with, this is part of the persona. when he pretends to like someone he dislikes, this is part of the persona. when he agrees to something he doesn't want to do, this is part of the persona.

it's part of what makes sprin.gtrap seem so different from william prior to the springlo.ck incident. william is throwing everything behind his persona. he's a calculating man, even when he's genuinely enjoying himself. he can be truly having a nice time with someone, but the thought of how this is benefitting his persona is always in the back of his mind. you're just another character witness to william. after the springlo.ck incident, there's no longer a point. the persona is gone. get ready to meet the real man beneath it.

[thehypnone]

Mushy May Day 2. Crush/”I made this for u” - Rulti

WC: 830

Swiss is head over heels for Rain and makes him a gift.

Read under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss was fucking terrified.

It took him weeks, even though he technically finished in three days, he was still somehow finding more imperfections that he had to fix, he had to make it absolutely perfect. Swiss was on the verge of a breakdown. 

What if he would think it’s stupid? Ugly?

What if he just doesn't like it a bit?

What if he doesn’t like Swiss at all?

So much could go wrong, and he chose such a shitty way of confessing his feelings, it had to go wrong, it just couldn’t be right, not with Swiss and his stupid gift, it was all so stupid!

He prayed so hard that he wouldn’t be in the common room, even though he texted him that that’s exactly where he is two minutes ago. He wanted him to be there, but he was so scared, but if he saw him, there was no way the multi ghoul could stop himself from doing this stupid shit, and- oh, fuck, he was already in the commons, and the other was there too.

“H- hi, Rain,” Swiss stuttered, his hands behind his back, moving to stand in front of Rain sitting so gracefully on the couch. How could he look so good just fucking sitting? “You have a moment?”

“Sure thing, Swiss, what’s up?”

The multi ghoul was completely sure he wasn’t so stressed ever in his long life, never in Hell, never Topside. 

He had the biggest crush on Rain, a one that he has no idea how and when he even developed. He just realized one night, during a ritual, that he was staring at the water ghoul practically all the time, and when said ghoul smiled at him at some point and when Swiss thought about it, he came to a conclusion he fell deep. 

Swiss was planning on making a move for weeks now and not one idea he came up with appeared enough to be worthy the ghoul that Rain was.

But eventually he said ‘fuck it’ and followed his gut, which lead him here, even though he still didn’t think it was an idea even coming close to being a good one.

“I- I made this for you,” he said, quickly reaching from behind him, placing his gift on Rain’s lap and backing away, his hands nearly trembling, one fidgeting with the other.

Rain processed for a moment. He was worried when Swiss came in so tense and stressed, it wasn't like him at all. But now, the water ghoul was nearly sure what was happening, and he prayed his relief didn’t show on his face.

Little did Swiss know, but Rain also liked him.

  A lot. 

But where Swiss was, usually, confident, Rain wasn’t, not like that. He wasn’t shy, contrary to a popular belief, but he wasn't Swiss. That’s why he, maybe selfishly, waited.

Rain picked up Swiss’ gift and turned it, inspecting. When he realized what it was, he jumped up from the couch and threw himself at the multi ghoul without thinking, wrapping his arms around his neck.

It was a handmade stuffed animal, a shark to be exact, and it was the best fucking thing Rain saw in his entire fucking life.

Sudden rush of Rain’s salted sea water scent made Swiss literally dizzy, and maybe that’s why he didn’t fix his balance and ended up on the floor with the object of his affection on top of him.

Perfect situation.

“Do you- do you like it?” Swiss asked, blushing like crazy, and the few milliseconds before Rain answered was the most horrifying moment of his life.

“Like it? Swiss, I fucking love it!” Rain shouted, flushed deeply himself.

Swiss sighed in relief, smiling dumbly up at the ghoul straddling him.

Wait, what?

Fuck, that was more compromising situation than they initially realized.

Rain mumbled something incoherent and made a move to get off of Swiss and sit next to him on the floor, the gift returning to his hands from where it landed a bit to the side.

“I heard you saying you liked sharks, and, well, I like you, so I tried my best to make it at least resemble a shark, and this came out, and-” the multi ghoul started rambling, fidgeting with a ring he wore.

“Swiss, it’s fucking perfect,” Rain beamed. “I can’t believe you did something like that for me.”

“Well, as I said, I like you, so…” Swiss suddenly got shy again, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“Guess what, then” the water ghoul chuckled.

“W- what?”

“I like you too.”

“You do?”

“Hell yeah, how could I not? You’re so talented, and kind, and friendly, and so fucking hot, and-” 

He would list out more, he had a lot in mind, but he was cut short by Swiss pouncing on him, similar as he did not so long ago, but this time the multi ghoul’s soft lips found his chapped ones and suddenly, Rain’s mind was empty.