#because I couldn’t even depend on my own parents. who said that they loved me. to make the pain stop
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neuroticwyrm · 2 years ago
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im in my 20’s with the mind of a broken child just because none of the adults in my life knew how to raise for a kid without traumatizing them. so thanks for that.
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kurim-chis · 1 year ago
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this post in a nutshell: the Vidyadhara cycle can get a bit fucked up. sometimes. a lot of times. all the time, if you really think about it.
Note: i also blame my philosophy teacher. he was an awesome teacher, but philosophy class always made me question my own existence…
i think Dan Heng is right in wanting absolutely nothing to do with Imbibitor Lunae’s past and very clearly states he is NOT Lunae. However despite Dan Heng’s wishes and many people empathizing with him, in my opinion, it boils down to this:
the mentality of being a Vidyadhara
A case of “shut the fuck up and don’t spout bullshit, you don’t know how it feels, experience it yourself and then you know how hard it actually is”
First Note: Vidyadhara are just built differently — physically, mentally, and psychologically
For the vidyadhara, it’s their natural life cycle to be reborn with a clean slate every 700 years, possessing no reproduction capability and being immortal as long as they underwent the reincarnation process. They see it as normal and a “matter of fact” thing, and xianzhou natives do too, but can other non-vidyadhara species truly understand this? It’s kind of like how other species see things differently and have different morals from humans.
It’s a bit of a mind-fuckery because a vidyadhara is always the same person, but they always will get a clean state, and yet depending on each incarnation they might turn out completely different.
So they’re the same, but they’re also not.
Second Note: don’t say any bullshit until you’re the one going through it, then you will realize how hard it is
Basically this. Perhaps some aren’t going into a breakdown when their vidyadhara friend just deletes them from their life (or well, the vidyadhara is deleted and born anew), and they try to accept it because they’re too old and are wise enough to accept their lot in life, but there are others who are just bamboozled by it, even though they must have thought they were prepared for it. exhibit 1) Jing Yuan
Even the vidyadhara are not excerpt from this.
There’s a vidyadhara mirage who says his vidyadhara lover just went into an egg. To the race, this is a normal cycle of life. She won’t remember him. She will be the same person born anew. She will be a different person too. She can’t be burdened with anything of her past incarnation. He knows she is not dead, but he stares at the rolling waves and feels as if she is because he cannot and as a vidyadhara he must not see her reincarnation as HER.
But his feelings won’t matter, do they? This mirage said he couldn’t wait for his turn to come, but this wouldn’t guarantee him another future with his lover because CLEAN STATE you know? After returning to his egg, being reborn anew, then all of this — his grief, his solitude, his love — won’t matter anymore because he will also stop caring about it as well. It won’t matter. They won’t matter. The only thing that matters is their new life, but at that point that is NOT going to be the life of their incarnation, is it?
This is such a contradiction, isn’t it? Perhaps in “another life” he had also thought this, had also grieved for someone else or been grieved in return, but those lifetimes don’t matter in the same way his current one won’t matter after he reaches 700 years old.
“So you’re gonna be reborn after another 157 years? That’s how your race keeps being immortal and wards off the mara disease? Just the way you were created by Permanence? Cool.”
“So you’re the SAME but also a DIFFERENT person every time you go into an egg? That’s kinda trippy, but OK.”
“What will happen after that? Will we still be friends when you wake up?”
and the next time your friend appears, they are a child and you are absolutely no one to them
(…)
(how is this immortality?)
(my friend/brother/sister/parent/mentor/student/comrade/lover has not forgotten, because this is not something as simple as forgetting, this is a clean state — in a way only the vidyadhara, transcendent and celestial, can achieve. a cruel severing of everything you had to do with them.)
(they are gone, and in their place is a child with a clean state)
(it’s as if they are dead and you’re left to deal with a legacy—)
So despite what Dan Heng says and the Vidyadhara culture, I can also see why Jing Yuan struggles and is pained by the sight of Dan Heng. And also why Xianzhou deems Dan Heng guilty.
I also can understand why Blade is so enraged at Dan Heng and refuses to back down or stop trying to kill him (Blade being insane put aside) due to his incarnation’s sins, because how UNFAIR would it for Imbibitor Lunae to get a clean state just like that? What, they’re same person? But they get to start over as a NEW person? All his sins like that, gone? What sort of bullshit is that?
Just. This whole vidyadhara reincarnation thing can get very, very fucked up, you know?
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lightlycareless · 2 months ago
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The perfect girl by mareux = Naoya and y/n
( if you listen to the lyrics you’ll understand !!🤭)
Hi!!!
First of all, I'm so sorry it took me a while to get back to you! Between answering other asks and writing snippets here and there... well, I got busy. But I will always do my best to respond to all!!!! And now, here I am. Moving on...
Omg this song I heard it everywhere but I never really gave it much attention—AND NOW, IT FITS NAOYA AND Y/N VERY WELL.
Now following the lyrics and song itself, I get a sense of being so irrevocably in love/obsessed with said girl that’s being sung about—just about the words I’d use to describe what Naoya feels for you haha.
warnings: fluff. a bit of highschool au. in my mind, that's how they officially met.
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I always believed that the reason why Naoya fell so hard for you is because you were completely different from his world. And somehow the sentence strange girl takes me back to when you and Naoya first met.
Naoya obviously knew that once the year ended, they’d be a bunch of new students gracing the school grounds. Nothing that he would’ve normally cared for outside of observing if there were any girls that might catch his interest, but this time around he was forced to be attentive all thanks to your annoying siblings who had made such a big deal about your enrollment.
“Another idiot to join their shenanigans. Great!” He’d say, just about the usual harsh words he’d use towards them, because he hated them.
Kind of. Mostly. Depending on the context. He did not get along with them, at all; yet again, nobody did.
But then, when the fated day finally comes and he gets a glimpse of you… all preconceived notions were promptly thrown out the window, becoming immediately smitten by you.
He just… couldn’t peel his eyes away from the strange girl that honored the hallways with her hypnotizing presence. There was something so intoxicating about your appearance, a sense of purity that showed you had remained largely ignorant of the cruelties of life. Or at least those that are usually bestowed to members of the jujutsu community.
And that just made you stranger before his eyes; odd that someone like you, part of a somewhat important family, was still capable of being cheerful, with both yourself and others.
But as unusual as it was… Naoya was still enveloped with a grave urge to protect you. Shelter that same innocence he had been unwittingly stripped away from, while hoping he’d keep getting that same gentle demeanor you’ve always bestowed upon him when possible:
The way you were always so eager to tell him about your endeavors, whatever mission or school assignment you were tasked with—either to complain, or seek advice, he didn’t care for what as long as you went to him—always considering him above others it seemed, when the rest wouldn’t even bother to look at his direction if not to seek advantage of his title, or simply avoid him…
The way you’d softly call his name, imprinting the moment it happened the first time in the back of his mind: the tone of your voice, the look in your face… like you were happy to see him! When was the last time he could say that about anyone? Not even his own father…
The way you’d compliment his work; a sincere appreciation that didn’t come from recited words out of fear of reprehension or interest in obtaining favors. You saw what he was capable of and took interest in it with hopes of improving yourself, or to simply encourage him.
And of course, the way you took your time to get to know him. Not the heir, not the talented sorcerer, but the man himself; Naoya. Having little no to interest in his family outside of comparing lifestyles, see if he too grew tired of pestering elders and overbearing parents, or if he even got along with his siblings.
Naoya felt human for the first time in his life with you, your words filling a void he could never satisfy with the empty gestures of his surroundings… So how did you not expect him to fall in love?
“You’re a strange girl, Y/N.” He’d disclose to you one day, the moment he finally came to terms with his feelings for you, much to your horror.
“Oh, is that—is that a good thing?” you fret, for such adjective was rarely used in positive prospect.
But to Naoya, that word only meant you were beyond good.
You were perfect.
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I'm sure Y/N did most of the approaching and Naoya just stood there like the tsundere I always envisioned him to be; it's not until he grows comfortable that he becomes the suave, teasing guy we all know and love (I mean, in my mind hahahaha) but yeah... it's safe to say that to him you were a strange little thing that he ended up falling in love with 🥺
Hnnnnnggggg this was so sweet to write, though the song kind of went more into a dark aspect ngl, or so that's how I felt it 🤣
Anyways, thank you so much for your patience!!! I really love it when I get sent songs that reminds y'all of Naoya and YN, ajgkhasjkghajksgas it adds depth to their relationship you know?
Now, take care and hope to see you soon!!
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spicyicetea · 8 months ago
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Although the poll isn’t over, I wanted to start writing the first few chapters of the VariousYandere!JJBA x reader. Mainly because it’s going to take a while to catch up to where I am currently in the anime so I wanted to at least get the prologue done. From the current poll, it seems you guys want Y/N to be completely powerless, I didn’t expect that at all cause I thought that’d be boring but I would be damned if I didn’t give the people what they wanted. This does make the goal of saving as many people as possible difficult given Y/N will be unable to aid in fights in anyway- my solution to this issue is having an additional character to help Y/N. I decided this will be in the style of an isekai, with the Y/N being an ordinary person from reality (I’m pretty sure I made that clear in the other post) so the other character will be their roommate. I’m placing the Y/N character as a university/college student (I’m English so Uni is like 18 and above but I’ve heard some places have college to around that age so you can decide which one you prefer to imagine) but exact age isn’t ever specified- you are said to be younger than the other person though. All characters that are yandere for Y/N are 18+ the only characters that will stay under 18 are platonic relations. Either way, with all of that out of the way, enjoy the prologue.
You were always ours
JJBA Various!Yandere x Reader
MDNI with this story it will contain NSFW themes and behaviour, you are responsible for the content you consume
(Prologue)/ Next part
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“Y/N!” A familiar voice called from across the street.
Turning down the music that blasted in your ears, an arm wrapped around your shoulders pulling you to look at them. A blonde woman grinned with a devious snicker, her hand slipping into the bag clutched at your side. The others she had been with waved goodbye and crossed the road, avoiding the busy traffic that usually crowded the streets just after lectures were over.
“Oh, I thought you were staying behind for that club you’re in.” You say, slipping the headphones off your head.
“Yeah, it was cancelled so I thought come hunt you down. You never spend time with me after classes, so I’m going to make you! We’re gonna go bowling!”
“Eliana… with whose money?”
The blonde paused and let out a nervous laugh. “Yours?”
“Nope, you still haven’t paid me back for the three dinners in a row I paid for.”
“Y/NNnnnnnn don’t do this-“
You couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the corners of your lips, as she pouted dramatically and rifled through her own wallet to confirm her own lack of cash. Despite having known her since you were basically toddlers, her behaviour never became boring. Headache inducing, but not boring.
The blonde girl was Eliana Hounds, she was by far your closest friend. Your parents themselves were best friends so the two of you had been playmates since day one. She was always an extrovert, loves to be loud and obnoxious and those who don’t run, are her new friends whether they like it or not. Despite that though, she was dependable as hell. While your gaggle of friends was in their delinquent era she would often take the fall for pranks that she wasn’t even involved with. Plus there was that incident with your ex…she beat the crap about of them. In your dorms she is your roommate, often watching her anime into the early hours of the morning in the shared living room. She had always been really into anime, trying to get you to watch whatever she was hyperfixating on at the time. Much to her disappointment, you often turned her down. Not because you weren't interested, but damn your professors loved giving you essays and you simply didn't have time for sitting around anymore.
“Well then, we can hang out in our dorm! Yeah, I’m rewatching one of my favourite anime’s and you said you’re taking a break from that essay! We can watch it together.” She confidently said, grabbing your wrist and dragging you with her down the street.
You opened your mouth in protest, only to pause and just sigh. She was right. You had pulled an all nighter the previous night and managed to finish your essay already. Maybe it would be okay to take the weekend easy, plus a new anime sounds nice, Eliana always had good tastes.
“Sure why not.”
Arriving in the dorm, Eliana kicked her shoes off, taking the grocery bag from around your wrist. You muttered a small thanks as you neatened the shoes in the doorway, following her into the living room as she rifled through the bag. The food you had just got from the shop laid on the coffee table as she rubbed her hands together with a hungry grin.
“Instant ramen, spam, ooo even some bacon and eggs! We’re eating food tonight.”
“Excuse me, but I wanted to enjoy that!”
“We can share! Come on Y/N, you wouldn’t let me starve.”
You just raised a brow with a smirk and she huffed, getting up from the sofa.
“I can make some fried rice with the leftover rice in the fridge?” She offered with a sheepish grin.
“Good, I’ll set up in here, you mind cooking the meat and eggs too?”
She nodded and scooped up what she needed, before leaving to our small kitchen. You followed her to grab two large bowls and put the kettle on, taking the bowls back and setting them down on the coffee table. With a small struggle the instant ramen packet tore open, small pieces of the dry noodles hitting the table. Now cracked in half, the ramen clacked against the porcelain bowls as you tore open the seasoning packet with your teeth.
“Oh… there’s no way this is enough for both of us…”
“What’s wrong?” Eliana yelled from the kitchen.
“Seasoning packet! This is gonna be some bland ass ramen… damn.”
“Well, aren’t I just the best friend in the world! Whenever I make extra ramen for my binge sessions, I only use one flavouring sachet. Check behind the paprika on the… ya know spinning thing.”
“The lazy Susan? Alright.” You muttered, rummaging through the seasoning and grabbing the blank foil packages. It was impossible to tell what flavour they were, so you just had to pick one and pray it would taste good with the ramen.
Time passed quickly until the thrown together dinner was done, but it smelt amazing. Eliana had already burnt her tongue twice with her ramen broth, seeming to not learn her lesson when she goes in the third time.
“Hey, wait and let it cool down a little!”
“Sorry sorry I’m just so hungry!”
You sigh but laugh at her behaviour handing her the Tv remote as something brushes against your leg. Looking to your side you spot Eliana’s pet, although he followed you most the time.
“Why don’t you get the anime ready and I’ll feed Mochi.” Eliana just nodded in response, logging into her Netflix as you scooped up the bunny and took him to the kitchen.
It wasn’t long before the small bunny was happily gorging himself on his own dinner as your stomach growled for yours. When you entered the living room the intro for the first episode was already playing. Jojo’s bizarre adventure?
“Is the adventure really so bizarre?” You jokingly ask, sitting beside Eliana.
“Heh, you bet, this show is weird as hell but I bet good money you’ll like it!”
You both sat in silence, letting the intro play before it seemed to buffer. A blue haired man and a blonde haired man appeared on the screen seeming to be arguing.
“What? This isn’t where episode one should start… did I click the wrong one?” Eliana picked up the Tv remote and froze, it slipping from her fingers and she slumped forwards, her face hitting the table.
“Holy shit! Eliana?” You kneeled at her side , trying to shake her awake. When you looked back up to try and figure out what happened your eyes met the Tv. It was no longer just the men from before, multiple others stood beside them, staring you down.
“You finally notice us, took you long enough. That bitch only ever let us see you once before now.” One said, adjusting the hat he wore to show his eyes clearer.
You just stared at the Tv in shock, cradelling Eliana’s body. Suddenly it felt like something grabbed you from behind, strong arms locking you in the hunched over position. Said arms didn’t seem as imaginary as you wished they were, looking down and seeing the purple appendages holding you tightly. A splitting pain spread through your head starting at one of your eyes, the world going blurry. Everything felt like it was spinning, only catching a glimpse of your own semi unconscious body in the reflection of your phone before passing out. A strange star had taken the place of one of your pupils. None of this was making any sense.
“Eliana…” you groaned as you fell unconscious, squeezing her hand as you did.
(There it is, I hope it seems good so far. As the poll isn’t really moving I’m going to try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. I apologise for the clear biases I will have to certain characters and parts in the series- I will cover as much as I can but I’m itching for my jotaro ok- I… I’m a simp and want him, don’t pretend your not. But I will be covering part 1 and 2 before then don’t worry and there will be extensive scenes with the MCs for said part. Prepare for me to baby girl Speedwagon he deserves it-)
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banzaitaka · 2 years ago
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Hi there! Can I request some headcanons for the Obey me brothers where their boyfriend is a fallen angel (He fell before they did)? Their bf has a similar personality to Grell from black butler and they love that their job is to make sure sinners safely make it to the devildom (That job part isn't that important I just thought it could be a fun detail). Or maybe a jjk Oneshot on Gojo just taking in this little boy who doesn't like him all that much but eventually warms up to him?
Thank you in advance if you decide to write either one, and if you don't it's fine.
Stay safe, remember to drink water and eat some food! Love your work <3
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...Being taken in by Satoru...and...Megumi is there too...Dad Satoru and brother Megumi??? Pls- I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN Actually, I might make reader Megumi's brother so that I don't have to wreck my brain over a different bg story
Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist
I hope this is what you wanted & you enjoy reading! Tips are very welcome!
Satoru Gojo x male! reader
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Warming
To say their relationship started off as rocky would be a massive understatement. No matter what Satoru did, the younger Fushiguro brother refused to acknowledge his existence, and in those rare moments he does, a glare way too strong for a boy that age was all he was willing to share. Satoru still saw those moments as an accomplishment. Sure, at least an indifferent expression would’ve been a bit nicer, but he couldn’t help but giggle every time the boy burned holes into him with his eyes.
The only time this kind of behaviour was slightly problematic was when there had to be some kind of communication between the two. Megumi certainly didn’t exactly have the energy to repeat everything the silver haired had said, so his little brother could reply to him instead of to the sorcerer. And since (Y/N) had to live under the same roof as Satoru, without either of his siblings, and won’t be able to move out anytime soon because of his age, exchanging a few words was going to be necessary. Not only to make things way easier, but also to better their relationship.
As much as Megumi would've liked to, and actually tried to, he couldn’t be the only person (Y/N) could depend on. Megumi was older, but still at a young age himself. And being his family doesn’t mean he has to bear the responsibility of raising him, and taking care of him like a parent did. That was exactly what Satoru was there for. But the distrust (Y/N) had towards him was really getting in the way.
No one blamed him for that though, it was absolutely understandable, some might even say expected, behaviour of the boy, considering what he had gone through.
But, again, in order to make life easier for all three of them, a change needed to happen. Not immediately, nothing massive. There was hope it would be enough for (Y/N) to come to Satoru when he needed help with little things, and when he was feeling unwell in one way or another. Whenever Megumi was absent, which was often, (Y/N) would get himself in danger quite regularly. For example, trying to climb onto the counter to reach dishes on the top shelves, trying to work sharp or other not child-friendly objects, never telling whenever he got a stomachache, felt dizzy, etc.
Despite Satoru catching on a lot of times, it was neither a 100% success rate, nor necessary work. It has become quite exhausting overtime. The sorcerer had determination to crack that thick wall between the two.
"(Y/NNNNNN)~", the sorcerer’s voice was as cheerful and obnoxious as ever as he peeked his head through the door; the door to the room (Y/N) got to call his own. The door he wished he could lock sometimes. Only sometimes, though. His feelings for Satoru weren’t as bad as to want to lock him out. The boy spared him a glance from out of the corner of his eyes as he sat on the ground with his new Lego set he got. From Satoru, to be quite exact. As soon as the man found out about his passion for building things (he had watched him build walls and castles out of everything he could stack, multiple times) he made sure to make use of that rather valuable information. Every once in a while he would bring home a small Lego packet or box for the boy to play with. And on a rarer occasion, he‘d buy a much larger set.
Some would say Satoru was spoiling (Y/N) with all those gifts, in actuality it was a peace offering, a gesture to show he could be trusted. “Like giving an animal food until it let‘s you pat it.“, maybe not exactly the best comparison, but those were his words as he explained his actions. Trust issues were not unfamiliar to the male, and this approach was but one out of multiple he was going to try to have (Y/N) open up wide enough.
“You like the new addition to your collection?“, he sat down next to the other, eyeing his current project; a castle. It certainly was bigger than the sorcerer expected it to be, but that was by no means a bad thing. Actually quite the opposite. “Yeah.“, a short and simple response, though it showcases the progress the two of them made. “I‘m glad you do! Because I picked this one up at the store today.“, the young adult grinned, dangling a tiny box in front of the boy by the hook attached to the top. A mini set containing a prince and a horse, it seemed by looking at the big picture.
Satoru could practically see (Y/N)‘s eyes sparkling, dropping the gift into his awaiting hands. He watched him fumble the box open and emptying it at his feet on the floor. The sight of how he pushed all the pieces together in an excitement induced hurry warmed his heart in a way. And once (Y/N) then took the prince figure and put it in one of the towers, sending him a mischievous smirk as he pulled at a piece, activating a mechanism that made the figure fall through the ground…accompanied by that sweet, hearty laugh…Satoru couldn’t help but squeal at the cute display, pulling the boy to his chest, unbothered by the small fists hitting him in his sides and the displeased whines he received in return, “Ahhhhhh! That was adorable! This was the first time I heard you laugh and not glare at me as if you wanted me dead!“
Surprisingly enough, the hitting soon died down, and the whining was replaced by soft breathing. Leaning against the older one, (Y/N) wondered; Was Satoru always this warm?
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m2ok · 2 years ago
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Hello! Hope I'm not bothering you, can I make a request?
Could you please write Price comforting a m!reader after he has a bad encounter with his abusive parents?
Mine are back in my life causing chaos again and I want Price to hug me so bad (╥﹏╥)
(Also you write really good fics! Keep up the amazing work)
-🇷🇺
Of course I can!! I’m very sorry to hear about your parents, but I hope this helps a bit :) thank you for your request, and I hope things can better for you soon, love 🫶🫶
A Hug That Feels Like a Safe Haven
John Price X M!Reader
TW: mentions of parental abuse.
A/n: I didn’t get too into what the parents did exactly because I didn’t want it to be too triggering, but I hope you enjoy <3
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Going home after a mission was never easy, it honestly was worse than the actual mission sometimes. It didn’t even feel like home, not when you weren’t welcomed, when your mere existence seemed to upset those around you.
This time hit especially hard, you weren’t sure why. Maybe it was because the mission beforehand was emotionally taxing and you were already overloaded, maybe because you had gotten so used to being away from them that the thought of going back to that hell hole broke you down.
Either way, you had gotten out of there as soon as you could. You went back to base a week early, you couldn’t stand being around them any longer and you just had to get back to your real home, with your real family.
You were in survival mode since you left your ‘home’ and it seemed your body hadn’t realized it was safe yet, because even as you stepped back into the building you were still on edge. Your eyes were glancing everywhere for any threat of danger and you were aware of any little door closing like it could somehow be the people who hurt you coming back to continue.
You jumped when a sudden hand was placed on your shoulder, dropping your bag as you spun around and shoved the hand off.
You were met with the concerned face of your Captain, his hand still lingering in the air before he let it rest at his side. You immediately went wide eyes, hands coming up in defense as you apologized profusely.
“I’m sorry-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-“ you were shaking where you stood, and it shocked him to the core. He’d never seen you this…out of it, scared. Even on the battlefield you were calm and kept a level head, so what had shaken you this hard?
“Hey…hey it’s alright” he said as he gently took your hands in his own, the firm yet gentle grasp slowly easing you down from flight or fight mode.
He rubbed gentle circles to the tops of your hands “what happened?” He asked softly, and just like his hold on your hand his voice was soft, it was warm. He genuinely cared about what had scared you, and the thought alone had you breaking down. You weren’t used to this kind of gentleness, it was something your parents never gave you. John cared about you.
With a choked sob you fell into his arms, and he immediately wrapped his own around you. He didn’t question it as he held you tight against his body. You held onto the man like your life depended on it, your fingers gripping his shirt as you buried your head in his neck.
His arms tightened around you, one hand on your shoulder with the other held you tight against your back. It was just the right amount of pressure, it made you feel warm, it made you feel safe. You knew nothing, nobody, could hurt you while you were with him.
“My-my parents” was all you could manage to get out, and though it wasn’t much it was like he understood. For a second his grip tightened, and he pulled you closer.
He was seething with rage, though he kept it contained for your sake, but there was nothing he wanted more than to find out where your parents lived and show them why he was a Captain. He restrained himself, for now anyways. You needed him, not his anger.
“You’re safe now, I’ve got you” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your hair.
“Nobody’s gonna hurt you again, love. Not while I’m here” the words were gentle, but you knew they were true. He meant it, he wouldn’t let you get hurt again. Not if he could help it, and by god he was going to do everything in his power to keep you safe from now on.
“Come on” he coaxed as he pulled away from you, he could see the bags under your eyes. It was like you hadn’t slept since you left, and you probably hadn’t, but he was here to remedy that.
You grabbed your bag from the floor before you reached for his hand, his own immediately finding yours. You squeezed, and he squeezed back, before leading you down the hall. He passed your room and for a second you were confused, until you got to the common room.
The rest of the team was there, as you figured, they didn’t seem like they had any better a home life then you did, no reason for them to go back. John quietly led you over to a couch in the back, ushering you to sit down as he set the bag down next to it.
You did as you were told to, watching as John promptly sat next to you. You made quick work of leaning into his side, curling yourself into his body as he held you close. It wasn’t the easiest task, you were a military man after all so you weren’t exactly small, but that didn’t seem to matter at all.
He wrapped himself around you like it was nothing, like it was the easiest thing he had done. He rested his head on top of yours as the rest of the boys quietly resumed whatever they were doing in silent understanding. They’d all been in your position before someway or another, they knew what you were going through.
Ghost continued quietly sharpening his knives, while Soap and Gaz played a game of pool off in the corner. This was home, this was family, this was safety. With a deep, content sigh, you allowed yourself to close your eyes and let your guard down. The exhaustion hit you like a brick and within seconds you were asleep, the quiet chattering of the team behind you whole Price gently ran his fingers through your hair, pressing occasional kisses to your forehead.
You were happy to be home with your family, finally.
As always, requests are open
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jenyifer · 1 year ago
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Only Friends in Brain Soup
If you have seen my posts before you’ll probably recognize I use the term brain soup a lot. To me they are posts about my random questions I have while thinking about only friends. And I hope they feed your brain with new ideas about things. I’ve compared contrasted every character to Boston because he lives in my heart uwu. But I’ve realized something from making many many brain soups.
All of the Only Friends characters are alone. In their own minds each one is lonely this drives each of them to the point of desperation and moral grey.
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Mew the intellectual desire to be in a relationship with Top. I think it was really telling when Mew said he should like ray he’s always been there. Very objective. Mew tried to think about Top in this way when they got together. Mew feels disconnected from his friends above them. He thinks he knows everything about them and they can’t understand him. He’s not gullible like he told Boston. He was always fearing the worst. Because he’s alone in his own mind on his pedestal and when he met Top join him there Mew can’t let go.
Top is the definition of an obsessed with aliens kid due to parental neglect. He is extremely self dependent. Arrogance that he can charm any person into dancing for him. But no one cares about who Top is and before Mew he kept the real Top who likes art hidden away. He can call Boeing or Boston to have relations with them because they don’t mean anything to Top so why would Mew care.
Sand’s conversation with Nick about talking to himself because he was lonely was very telling. I’m sure Sand did have people who considered Sand their friend but because of his emotional parentification he felt like no one could or should be there for Sand. He’s shocked when Nick wants to live with him because I bet he didn’t consider Nick someone who would help him out. He’s selfless to Ray because he is already expecting to be treated that way. Pushed aside not a priority and he feels like shit when he lets himself believe ray could challenge his place in life.
Ray 🥲 do I need to talk about him again. He has abandonment and depression issues from his mothers death that has lead to a mask. Shallow friendships. Shallow life. Ray is only a visitor. He can let go of Mew and Boston so easily because they didn’t really know ray anyway in his mind. Even Sand Ray held him so far away because he couldn’t believe sand wants to be patient loving to him. He’s afraid of the rejection the pain that can come with Sand being too close. But Sand keeps pushing his way in.
Boston someone who never received love before and thinks that is normal so he never gives it. Boston does feel love for his friends and Nick but showing it impossible. To protect himself he has meaningless flings never letting someone expect love from him. He keeps the reins of control because love scares him after his life of upheaval and neglect. He’s just a liability a temporary problem. He is going to leave soon. Internally Boston feels horribly alone because no one loves who he is because it’s so locked away there is no road of love in. But Nick sees it.
Nick doesn’t believe anyone could love him. Nick is extremely insecure about himself. He would rather people look at his outward appearance and ignore what he really is. The stalking is just a performance so Nick can be the one with all the knowledge in the relationship so Boston won’t see the horrible person Nick is. Nick can’t even let Sand really love him in a friendly way. He tricks himself into thinking it might be lust just because he has positive fuzzies for Sand. He can’t accept sand might just enjoy being about Nick for Nick.
Loneliness that binds them and keeps them separate. The great push and pull. Only. Friends. Lonely Friends.
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peppeppu · 2 months ago
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I made Kenta Kosaku when I was 16 because I wanted to join a MHA RP group on DeviantArt. He’s probably the first(?) serious OC I ever thought of. Fr I took his hand and YANKED him out of my sketchbook and posted him online to be perceived (which is quite scary). I had a lot of illustrations of him, although now all of that old stuff has been archived and can’t be seen publicly. I’m grateful that my old RP applications and art haven’t disappeared forever when my laptop blew up into smithereens on that fateful day of 09/03/2021. Couldn’t save all the files unfortunately, but at least I’ve got a few saved. But hey! At least I can still draw, and I’m here now to info-dump, rant about, and post updates of my characters.
If I post different versions of Kenta (and other OCs) later on, just treat them as AU variants (I don’t believe there’s a true/canon universe for my OCs; I like to drop them in whatever world and see what happens. It’s exciting that way!).
With Kenta specifically, I like to follow a certain pattern when putting him in different, fictional universes. It helps me to keep his overall character consistent if I use and have him interact with different peoples’ OCs. So with that said, I basically made Kenta to be the kind of character who’s part of the common crowd, desperately wanting to be somebody else. And who’s that “somebody else”? Depends on the setting :]
…Urgh, there’s so much to talk about. Where do I even start? Maybe a brief character intro/history to this AU of Kenta? I LOVE talking about OCs (both mine and others’. Actually, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if I also info-dumped the ships my OCs are/were in… hmm. //writes it down).
For the MHA RP group, it would’ve been easy to make Kenta quirkless (being born with no superpower) and have him seek out a way to obtain a quirk through false means, or just pretend like he has a quirk— but in reality, he’s just a normie. But according to the actual MHA world (since the RP group was heavily based on the canonicity of the manga/anime series), it's a fact that around 80% of the population are born with a quirk. Thus in this universe, Kenta did have a quirk… I just made it a very useless one LOL.
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Thinking back on it now, it’s so stupid I don’t know why I came up with this HAHAHA. But it’s an immobilizing quirk that only works if his lips make contact on another person’s bare skin (I dubbed it thee… “Petrifying Kiss”). I don’t think the user gets stunned for long either; when I’m trying to imagine this quirk in a combat scenario… it genuinely sucks. Like, all it would take is for the other person to be covered head-to-toe in their hero/villain suit, and Kenta would have no way to stun them. However, it was 100% my intention to give him a forgettable, pointless quirk. Tbh it doesn’t have to be the one I chose, I could easily replace the one he had with another quirk as equally worthless and laughable.
Like, if you had a cool quirk, you could totally show it off right? For Kenta, he had no chance of doing that. So he would often be ignored at school. Maybe at first his classmates made fun of him for having a stupid quirk, but over the years the jokes would get old pretty quickly. Even his parents pitied him? But they probably didn’t do much to help him feel better about his own quirk, nor did they try to get involved in their son’s life. So, he’s very much emotionally neglected. I believe I wrote down somewhere about his history (it was required by the group to have it in your character application) that his quirk was a combination of both his mother’s Recovery quirk (like Chiyo Shuzenji’s Heal quirk) and his father’s Immobilization quirk. On the night when Kenta’s quirk developed (he was around 4-yrs-old), he accidentally immobilized his mother when giving her a good-night kiss on the cheek. Even though the effect is short-lasting, it’s pretty unfortunate :[
Before Kenta had developed his quirk, he pretty much lived out a normal childhood. His future still undetermined with the lack of a quirk, his parents have always hoped that he’d either join his mom in ailing sick patients at the hospital (inheriting a similar Recovery quirk) or become a hero like his father (he’s no big-shot; probably works at a hero agency under a pro-hero). Sadly with the reveal of his dumb kiss quirk— discussing further more onto what Kenta can and can’t do— his parents deemed it was considered useless now to raise him into someone they hoped he’d grow up to. Ever since then, he was pretty much ignored in the household, failing to live up to his parents’ expectations. So where and how is he going to get the love and attention that he oh-so desperately wants?
When the teasing at school stopped, it left Kenta with a strange sort of emptiness inside his heart. He had gotten used to the teasing so much that he used it as a coping mechanism to remind that he still “existed.” Without the attention from his parents and peers, he did whatever he could to get it all back. As a result, this led to a series of him changing his appearance drastically multiple times, and a sudden shift in his personality. He started acting out during school and at home too— anything he could do to get a reaction out of those around him.
Oh, remember when I previously mentioned how I “follow a certain pattern” with Kenta’s character? Ideally, I want there to be some sort of “canon event” that takes place in his life (no matter the universe/setting) that marks the turning point of what makes him the way he is (as in, the design of Kenta that you currently see right now. Yes, he didn’t always have pink hair. It’s all hair dye). So for this group, I’ve had Kenta overhear his classmates about a big villain attack that had occurred over where U.A. High School was. Witnessing the non-stop chatter about villains from his peers is what gave Kenta the idea to become a villain himself. He then made a promise to the world that he’ll become somebody unforgettable.
“But wait,” you think to yourself. How the hell is he a villain? He doesn’t look menacing? He looks hella goofy instead. His hair even looks like a pink poop emoji. Well, let me tell ya another sad truth… he sucks at being a villain LOL. This dude’s threat level is unbelievably low, like I can joke that his worst crime would actually be stealing candy from a baby. He’s just a nuisance to the neighborhood, and likes to grab the attention of licensed heroes from time to time. Like “Ooh, LOOK! I’m looiiitering! :D” and the heroes would simply smack their foreheads and shake their heads. So far in the RP group I had him in, the numerous things he got to do were pestering a tech repair shop employee, somehow crashing into events he was never given an invite to, annoying the new incoming U.A. students (who were all other peoples’ OCs), and briefly bumping into other villains (who also were peoples’ OCs! Yeah, the group accepted both student AND villain characters. Which I think was pretty cool).
It’s unfortunate that I decided to leave the group at some point (other people left too). There was an issue in regards to the group somehow staying in “limbo mode” for a long time, and a LOT of good roleplay logs that people have accumulated were suddenly not considered part of the group’s canon lore anymore. So essentially, everyone had to “start over” with their characters not knowing each other and having to re-introduce them again. It felt a bit of time wasted, but I was mainly sad that any character development/friendships Kenta had gained along the way was now tossed to the side.
But enough about the group, I’m here to talk about my son :] I think this post was a nice introduction to this version of Kenta (I’m sorry if I jumped through topics pretty quickly, my writing will get better I promise). Soon enough, you'll get to see the Jabberwock Isle version of him.
Next couple of posts I’ll either talk more about his design + personality in-depth, or perhaps start doodling other characters I have in mind...
Note: Originally I was going to upload like, 9 files all in a single post but I miiight just go with posting things in short bursts because
I worry that having LONG text posts might look daunting.
I’ve been patient enough and I REALLY want to start posting art on Tumblr like a lot more.
That's all for now :]
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avatarmerida · 1 year ago
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Meeting the parents ✌️ read on AO3 or under the cut. I know it’s been a month since I updated don’t mention it I’m sensitive
It was so odd how a simple word can change everything and nothing at the same time?
When they saw each other at school, she still greeted him the same way. She’d either rush into his arms, laughing as he spun her around or she’d wrap him in a tight hug to spin him around (it all depended on who got to the other’s locker first). Hunter was surprised at first, he had assumed that them dating would change everything, but somehow it hadn’t. He realized that it meant that the way she felt about him hadn’t changed, that she really had liked him for awhile. It still made him blush like an idiot.
But now he didn’t mind if she noticed the blushing, because he was her blushing boyfriend.
When his hand would brush hers when they walked, she took it. She’d link their pinkies or laced their fingers and he didn’t have to make an excuse or it in his mind like she didn’t want him to get lost or something. She did it because he was her boyfriend and she wanted to be close to him, and she wanted everyone to know it. Because he was something to her that no one else was.
Nothing in his world had drastically changed. He still went to school, went to flyer derby practice, helped Dell with the palismen, but now everything he did he did as Willow Park’s boyfriend. He roamed the realm as someone Willow Park publicly liked as more than a friend. He knew he was someone, but now he was someone to her . He’d endure 100,000 “That’s Hunter, the old Golden Guard” for one “Hunter? Oh, you mean Willow’s boyfriend” identifier. It was the first title that did not make his heart feel tied down, but bursting and free. A title he hoped to never pass on, only to rank up.
He hadn’t changed; he looked the same, talked the same, dressed the same. And yet, he was totally different. Because he was Willow’s. He was Willow’s boyfriend.
And he did not get tired of saying it.
“Sorry, I can’t talk right now, I’m waiting for my girlfriend Willow. Since I’m her boyfriend, I wanted to walk her to class, ya know? Since we’re advanced friends. Just wanna make sure my girlfriend doesn’t need help carrying her books. And if she does, I can help. Since that’s a boyfriend job and I’m her boyfriend after all.”
“Okay… I literally didn’t say anything but I’m glad you two are happy,” said Viney, who was literally just walking by. “Tell Willow I said hi, okay?”
“As her boyfriend, I will be sure to let my girlfriend know,” he said proudly as Viney picked up the pace.
Willow’s hair had never been more full of flowers. The sight of Hunter waiting for her made her absolutely giddy and that unbridled joy manifested itself in flowers so vibrant and colorful she looked like a walking topiary. She was too enamored to be sly and her inability to hide her joy made his wide, toothy, dopey grin even dopier. Which made more flowers and it was just a never ending cycle. It was like every day was the first day.
The way he looked at her hadn’t changed but now the look lingered and he didn’t turn away when she caught him. He still got nervous around her but now it was a nerve he was confident about. Willow couldn’t describe it with words but she felt the subtle change between them. It was a new kind of uncertainty, a different brand of scary, it was more exciting and less heavy. She had been worried for awhile that it was all in her head, that she was misreading his blushes when she complimented him or misinterpreting the soft way he said her name, like it was something precious to him.
Willow made it clear that she was a fan of affection and Hunter made it clear that he loved receiving that affection. But as much as Hunter absolutely loved letting Willow know how much she meant to him, he sometimes still had trouble being a “just because” person. He was used to everything having a reason, a bigger purpose. So when Willow would lean over the table to quickly peck his cheek as he was sketching “just because he looked cute,” well he didn’t know how to adjust. He felt he hadn’t earned it. Granted, he was not complaining, but he was unsure how to return the gesture. If he went to kiss Willow every time he thought she looked amazing or was on his mind well… he may never stop.
But Willow was always ready and willing to validate him. Whenever he made a move, no matter how small, she made sure to show her approval. If he placed his hand on hers, she’d lace her fingers through his as though to say “I’m keeping you.” If he put his arm around her shoulders she would grab his waist as though to say “this is where you belong.” And when he embraced her, she would wrap her arms tightly around him and lift him off the ground to say “you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.”
So every morning when they eventually needed to part for class, Willow would quickly kiss his cheek and it was like a shot of caffeine. She had just kissed it to say hello minutes ago and just when he was shaking off the daze that brought, she lured him into another. He practically floated to class after that. She loved the effect it had and she loved that he was helpless to hide it. She wished she could dedicate her mornings to covering his whole face in kisses, but Gus was threatening to start charging them a snail for everytime their goo goo eyes distracted them from a group conversation. Willow knew he was kidding, but noticed the next day Hunter had brought some in a pouch, just in case.
They were insufferable to everyone around them and Willow absolutely loved it.
“So, what did Willow’s dads say when you told them?” asked Luz as she sat on the basement coach reading as Hunter worked on yet another gift for Willow at his sewing machine. He was adding pockets to a dress she had found at the thrift store ( Willow, my girlfriend, loves having pockets to keep things in , he had said proudly to the lady at the craft store who did not ask). Then on top of the pockets he was adding patches and stitches so there was no mistaking who the dress was for and who it was from.
“Told them what?”
“That you and Willow are dating,” said Luz like it was obvious. “They can be pretty strict, so you must’ve been pretty nervous when you asked for their blessing.”
Hunter stopped what he was doing and when Luz heard the sewing machine stop she looked up and saw Hunter staring at his hands in a panic.
“I was supposed to… ask them?” he said, beginning to sweat.
“Woah, uh hey! It’s okay!” assured Luz, jumping up from the coach to make sure he didn’t accidentally stab his hand with the needle while he was distracted. “You technically don’t have to ask them, that’s just something people sometimes do! But I mean as long as you told them that you…” the panicked look on Hunter’s face did not let up. “You haven’t told them, have you?”
“I… don’t think so.”
“I mean, you’ve told everyone else on the Isles,” laughed Luz. “Plus everyone in line at the supermarket.”
“I know I just… I mean, I wasn’t hiding it or anything but I’m weirdly scared of them?” said Hunter. It still baffled him, he had no reason to be but he knew that if he even suspected they disliked something about him he would throw himself into the boiling sea. But that was normal, right?
“Well, I’m sure Willow has told them,” said Luz, hoping to undo the stress she had summoned.
“But what if she hasn’t?” Hunter was beginning to spiral. “W-what if she just assumed I did that part right and they already know? I mean, I didn’t do anything else right but I would’ve if I had known-.”
“Hey hey hey, chill out hermano,” said Luz. “The Parks totally love you, out of all of Willow’s friends you’ve definitely gotten her in the least amount of trouble.”
“But… I kidnapped her when we first met.”
“Has she told them that?”
“Um…” Hunter knew she had told her dads about him, she had mentioned it here and there in the human realm but she never went into much detail. The subject hadn’t come up when they first met, he could recall the day in perfect detail. He had just helped Willow find her dads and was catching up with Darius…
“... and they’re pack animals which means they create families and they’re always-,” Hunter looked up and saw Darius’ eyes were elsewhere. “Sorry, I’m probably boring you, huh?”
“Hmm? Oh, no no little prince of course not,” Darius chuckled fondly. “I just think there’s a certain someone trying to get your attention.”
He followed Darius’ gaze and saw Willow talking excitedly with her dads, who looked over at him to suggest he was a topic of discussion. Willow’s eyes found Hunter’s and gave him a quick smile before turning away, her cheeks flushed.
“Something tells me she doesn’t need to try all that hard,” said Darius, giving Eberwolf a knowing glance. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
“Huh? What? Why?” said Hunter nervously. “Y-you know Willow, you’ve seen her before.”
“Hmm, that’s not who I meant,” smirked Darius, looking across the room somehow knowing that the flyer derby girl was having the same conversion with her fathers. He walked over as Hunter trailed nervously behind him, unable to help but smile at the way Willow’s fathers whispered more intensely the closer he got. Darius extended his hand to them and smiled.
“Hello, I’m Darius,” he said, the two men looking up at him as though starstruck before Gilbert took his hand and mumbled ‘pleased to meet you’. “It’s a pleasure to meet you sirs, I’m a big fan of your daughter. Though, I have to admit I think Hunter here will fight for the status of her biggest fan.”
“Oh, so this is Hunter,” said Harvey in a tone that suggested he had come up in conversation long before this. Suddenly all eyes were on him and all the grimwalker could go was offer a shy wave as he gulped. He knew how important Willow’s dads were to her and he suddenly wished he had more time to prepare. He wished he smelled better and his clothes weren’t so disheveled so they didn’t think he looked like this all the time.
But before he had the chance to say something embarrassing, he was pulled forward and was suddenly wrapped in a tight hug with the entire Park clan. Willow was right beside him as her fathers towered over them, and there was no room to be nervous here. This was just warmth and love and safety and gratitude.
Hunter chuckled nervously as the embrace only tightened, as Darius chuckled endearingly to the side.
“Thank you,” whispered Harvey and somehow Hunter knew he was talking to him.
“Uh, y-you’re welcome,” said Hunter as they did not loosen their grip around him and Willow buried her head in his chest. He fought the urge to let the tears fall again, somehow hopefully he had wordlessly made a good first impression. It felt undeserved. “What ah, what did you tell them about me?” he whispered to Willow.
“I just told them you mean alot to me,” she whispered to him as she gave him a smile.
Unlike most people, the Parks had liked him from the moment they met him. He was certain that no matter what they learned about him, they would still like him because Willow liked him and he made her happy.
But that just meant he had so much to live up to. It meant he had to do everything he could not to sully their opinion of him.
“You could do what Amity and I did for mom,” suggested Luz, sensing his mind was fabricating a mission.
“You mean make a video?”
“Yeah! Willow has tons of pictures of you two together, it’ll be easy,” said Luz. “Plus, they’ll see how happy you make each other.”
“And the video convinced Camila to give Amity her blessing?”
“Well, I guess so,” said Luz, jumping up to get the photo album Willow kept there. “It was actually more of just a cute way to officially tell her that I’m bi.”
“Oh,” said Hunter, getting up to help her select photos to start. “Good idea then, I didn’t know I had to officially tell them.”
-
Hunter arrived nearly an hour early. He was so paranoid about being late that he hadn’t considered being too early. But he hid the bushes and rehearsed what he’d say and how he’d say it. He wanted to show them he was a confident, capable boyfriend. He needed them to know he was worthy of the title.
When the time finally became appropriate for Hunter to knock on the door, the door flew open almost immediately as though Willow had been equally anxiously waiting for him on the other side.
“Hiya,” she said sweetly, beaming at the sight of him as though she hadn’t just seen him at derby practice a few hours ago.
“Hi,” he said, the sight of her looking so happy to see him easing him a little. He was worried he had overdressed, a light green dress shirt and bright, floral tie had been carefully selected to show how much he belonged in Willow’s world. But as she stood in the doorway in a golden sundress that matched her glasses, he felt validated in assuming the evening's importance. “Y-you look beautiful.”
She smiled and he could tell by her smile she was about to lean up and kiss his check, an action that never failed to make his ears flutter, when suddenly they were joined by two taller figures on either side of Willow.
“Well, that’s exactly what we said,” laughed Harvey as he put his hand proudly on Willow’s shoulder.
“Hello sirs! Pleased to meet you- see you! Haha, we have met before,” he said nervously as Willow tried to hide her smile, unable to help but to find the whole scene endearing. He held out his arm as he turned between the two men as though trying to calculate how to shake two hands at once while still concealing the bouquet he hid behind his back. Whenever he brought flowers, he tried to have Willow guess what they were, he’d give a fun fact about their land of origin or what they signified as a hint. It was a silly little game that allowed them both an opportunity to impress the other but for some reason it felt too silly to do in front of her dads.
After the managed to help Hunter pick an order to shake their hands, they welcomed him inside and Willow leapt up and whispered in his ear
“Primroses, iris, and zinnias,” she said softly.
“Correct,” he replied with a smile, revealing her prize to which she happily took. She smelled them, knowing he had spent a great deal of time selecting the perfect shades to balance the collection.
“And what’s this?” she said, noticing the laptop bag hanging from his shoulder for the first time. “Are you gonna have them watch the Cosmic Frontier movie? Because I think you should probably-.”
“Oh, no no,” said Hunter as his nerves caught back up with him. “I wanted to tell them we’re advanced friends in a special way, so they know I’m a good choice.”
“Awh Hunter, that’s so sweet but I promise-.”
“I know I was supposed to do this sooner, but you mean so much to me that I wanted to make sure I didn’t skip any steps,” Hunter said sincerely, and Willow knew he was determined to see it through. When Hunter liked something, he gave all of himself to it. Whether it was sewing or palisman or Cosmic Frontier or derby, being something he cared about meant you were something he did not give up on. And at the top of that list written in the most precious handwriting was her, and she could not deny the lengths he went to in order to remind her.
“Okay,” she said with a smile. “I’ll go help you set up.”
“Thanks,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I want to make sure I leave plenty of room after for questions before game night officially starts.”
“So what’s this all about, kids?” asked Harvey as they sat on the couch, watching Hunter set up the laptop as Willow adjusted the lights. “Showing off your human realm items? What’s this one do?”
“Oh! Is this the one that toasts things?” asked Gilbert. “Or the one with all the dancing?”
“Not exactly, Mr. Park,” said Hunter as he finally remembered Luz's Lessons on how to queue the video, as he turned to face them standing beside the laptop. “I um, want to thank you for having me over tonight because there’s something important I wanted to tell you, about how I feel about Willow.”
The flowers in Willow’s hands seemed to poof, as though literally elated by Hunter’s words. He locked eyes with her and became stuck there for a moment, finding another reason to hopelessly admire her every time he did, but he managed to return to the mission at hand.
“But uh then I thought, why just tell you when I can show you!” he said, his voice unable to shake the obvious memorization in his delivery as he pressed the spacebar to play the slideshow. He smiled nervously, hoping it would be to their liking, but when the song he had carefully chosen from Luz’s online music gallery did not begin to play he grew worried.
Because instead he heard his own voice.
“Are you recording?”
Which was not the plan.
“Yes, ” came Luz’s voice on the video. “ But don’t worry, I’ll edit this out.”
“That’s uh, haha t- the wrong video,” announced Hunter as he tried to make the computer go back. But Luz had preset it for him, unaware the wrong video file had been pulled up.
“Okay, now you just need to record a voice over,” came Luz’s voice, the screen black and trying to come into focus.
“Well what do I say?” asked Hunter’s voice on the screen.
The little button had disappeared from the screen and he didn’t know how to get it back. Oh, why hadn’t he watched the video all the way through before bringing it here?
“I dunno, say something cool?”
“Like about Willow?”
“Well, I’m sure they know Willow is cool but show them that you’re cool too!”
“They’re not stupid! They’re gonna know Willow is cooler than me!” said Hunter on the recording. “What if they think I’m too weird or sweaty to go out with her?”
“Awh, she makes you weird and sweaty?” Luz gushed sweetly on the recording.
Meanwhile, Hunter was frantically pushed every button he could but the torture did not stop.
“They’re not gonna believe she’s my girlfriend. I can’t even believe she's my girlfriend.”
“What if they don’t believe you? Are you gonna kiss in front of them to prove it?”
Hunter felt as though he was melting into the earth and in a moment of panic unmatched by anything else he had ever experienced, he threw the laptop across the room. Not so hard that it broke or became unusable but enough to render it silent.
Hunter’s eyes widened as the Parks’ eyes darted from the broken human technology back to him, trying to process what had just happened and why. Hunter was positive they’d recede any blessing they had been ready to give. Hunter was too embarrassed to speak or move or blink and the room was silent until Willow broke it with a sigh.
“Okay,” Willow said softly as though in defeat. “You guys can show him.”
Her fathers gasped at the same time. “Really?” asked Gilbert. “Are you sure, petal?”
“Yeah,” Willow said as though bracing herself. “Go ahead.”
“What are you talking about? Show me what?” asked Hunter, confused as her fathers ran into the next room, giggling like school boys. They were obviously excited about something. The uncertainty made Hunter nervous. Was this some kind of punishment for failing the advanced friendship announcement?
“Here,” said Willow, patting the seat beside her. “You’re gonna wanna sit down for this.”
Hunter confusingly obliged as he sat beside Willow, unable to read her expression. Her fathers rushed back in and sat on either side of the pair, as Harvey’s scroll floated in front of the group and a video waiting to be played.
“What is this?” Hunter whispered to his girlfriend.
“You’ll see,” she sighed. “They’ve been dying to show you this for months.”
“Okay, okay, shhh!” said Gilbert as though they were in a theater as he managed to press play, despite his giggling nearly overtaking his body.
“ The healer said we need to monitor her symptoms,” said Harvey on the recording, the camera failing to focus but Hunter could tell they were looking at Willow laying on the couch with a blanket and an army of pillows around her.
“Papaaaaa I’m fiiiine,” Willow groaned in a tone that suggested otherwise, congested and strained. “I need my scroll back please!”
“Sweetie no, you need to rest,” said Gilbert lightheartedly, suggesting she had made the request many times.
“Daaaaad, I need to message him back!”
“I’m sure Gus will understand if you take awhile to-.”
Willow in the recording started to giggle. “It’s not Gusss,” she smiled as she began to fiddle with her braid.
“Oh?” asked Harvey, trying to recall another ‘he’ in her friend group. “Wait, is this the boy from flyer derby?” Harvey set his scroll on the table, unaware that it was still recording, as he adjusted the quilt on Willow.
“Maaaaybe,” said the slightly delirious Willow, out of frame but still able to be heard.
“And does this boy have a name?” asked Gilbert’s voice with a smile that was audible.
“Maaaaybe,” Willow giggled once more. “He has a face though, and it’s veeeery cute.”
On the couch, the current Willow hid her face in her hands as Hunter’s face turned a matching shade of red.
“Oh, so he’s cute and he plays flyer derby?” teased Gilbert. “Sounds like you and I have the same type.” Hunter knew the Parks well enough to know through hearing it alone that he playfully nudged his husband’s ribs. “So when can we meet him?”
“Daaaaad stop!” Willow said, her voice too giddy to be convincingly irritated.
“I didn’t say anything, petal,” he laughed in response. “You know we like meeting all your friends.”
“ Something tells me he’s a little bit more than a friend,” teased Harvey.
“Papa!” Willow gasped as though the suggestion was utterly scandalous. “That’s so… I mean, why would you think…”
But Willow could not finish her accusation as she dissolved into a fit of giggles. She could not convincingly deny it, but it was still a new realization for her. The common mold did not offer her clarity, just the chance for her mind to entertain the notion unfiltered. Her fathers joined in her laughter, delighted to see her so delighted. It had been a while since their Willow had been so happy, so if there mere mention of this mystery boy caused such a reaction, well then how could they not approve?
“Why did you show me this?” asked Hunter delicately.
“I think it’s really sweet that you made a video to tell my dads we’re dating,” started Willow. “And I think it’s even sweeter that you were so worried about getting their approval, but I wanted to show you that you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Really?”
“Basically every day since they took that video they’d ask about you,” laughed Willow. “If I had talked to you, how you were and then when we got back from the human realm it was always ‘have you asked him yet?’ or ‘has he asked you yet?’”
“Oh petal, it’s not like it’s the first thing we asked you when you come home from school,” said Gilbert as he got up to go to the kitchen.
“Yeah,” agreed his husband, following him to fetch the games from the cabinet . “It was the second.”
“I’m sorry, just to be clear,” said Hunter. “The boy you were talking about in the video was me, right?”
Willow just smiled and looked over her shoulder to make sure her dads weren’t close before darting up to kiss his cheek. “Of course, who else?”
“So your dads… approve of me?”
“Hunter, every time you come over they have to hold themselves back from making every single one of your favorite foods,” she said with a laugh. “I promise you don’t have to try so hard, they want you to like them just as much as you want them to like them.”
“Well, that’s easy for you to say,” he joked, taking her hand in his. “You already know everyone here likes you.”
She squeezed his hand. “And isn’t that the most important thing?” She teased with a grin. “It’s also really important to them that you’re comfortable.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she said as she heard her dads return, one carrying a tray of Hunter’s favorite snacks and the other a pile of board games almost blocking his vision.
“Plus they don’t want you to hold back when we divide into teams,” she finished quickly with a smile, too excited to be embarrassed as the coffee table became covered in boxes and plates. There was no question that Willow’s competitive nature was hereditary.
Hunter chuckled to himself as he watched the scene unfold, as Willow and her fathers debated about the order to play and who would be what piece and the rules they would follow (theirs or the ones that came with the box). It was loud and vibrant and warm and chaotic.
But one thing was not up for debate: Willow would always be on Hunter’s team
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liuwithheadcanons · 2 years ago
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Adoption in Omegaverse
So, I decided to make this post cause I am a Transracial Adoptee and I know omegaverse isn’t irl but it’s very involved in its fantasy sciences
When I talk about ‘adoption,’ I do not mean family adoptions I mean an unrelated person taking care of an unrelated person.  Overall Tw because I will talk about the affects/effects it may have on individuals and also this isn’t a post about a set conclusion. This is me ranting and questioning on how things would go. I also implore and encourage you do to your own research about how adoptions have positive and negative affects/effects on adoptees 
I also want to emphasis you do not have to make adoption bad or negative in your verse. The point of this post is me asking questions as an adoptee myself and how’d it work. 
Questions that I asked myself: When a baby is separated from its mother in real life, that child suffers neurobiological problems. Pit this with omegaverse? I bet that that would be increased by a significant amount.
Why?
Scent.
A wolf pup will look for its mothers scent to help comfort it- that’s just a biological thing pups will do. And if she comes back smelling not correct the pup will then get confused and maybe even ‘aggressive,’
I can see in omegaverse that pups separated at birth and given to another non biological person suffering some amounts of scent confusion. (As in they have no one to really seek that biological scent comfort from and scramble to adapt to that scent but due to the nature of kids being passed around I can see this being difficult for many individuals.) Ofc they can grow out of this- or maybe they don’t, it all depends, just like irl
I also wonder and ask myself will the life of omegaverse with all of its technologies and emphasis on ‘biology,’ will be aware of this and more open. I also wonder of adoption agencies will be less sleezy and exploitative as irl or maybe they’ll be even more exploitive. Saying stuff like how the pup hasn’t had an efficient scent to cling to and thus pulling the heartstrings of parents 
 Now as for adoptive parents: Omegaverse puts a lot of emphasis on pups. Ones that cannot have pups will turn to adoption but as like irl the intent is important: adoptive parents who want a kid more than wanting to help a kid who needs a home are walking red flags. Same with vice versa. (One wanting the picture perfect child and one having a savior complex.) There needs to be a healthy balance
And with all the biological needs and social emphasis on needing pups I feel like humans in a/b/o verse would very much be on the “turned to adoption because we couldn’t have any,”
So case in point: I think adoption in a/b/o would be kinda more fucked up than irl, and just like irl I do think there is a safe and humane way to adopt. (That is a whole other thing that if you need to ask, I can explain.) Our world now just isn’t doing that, and maybe due to the technological advancements that the a/b/o world has they figured out a way to do that already.
How? I don’t know exactly.
I’m sorry of this post was a downer, it was just a post to get people thinking and I am open to answer any questions regarding what I’ve said here 
Also another thing I am not a huge worshiper of biological relationships- even though I acknowledge that adoption has fucked with me, I still love my adopted parents. Even if they could have done better for me.  fuck ‘blood must stick together’ and fuck ‘love is thicker than blood’ - you don’t need to consider either more important. You can have a balance. As long as you’re happy where you are that’s all that matters 
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biscuitbakerbecca · 10 months ago
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Jared Kleinman for the character asks :)
Favorite Thing About Them
Jared is so bad at communicating he reminds me a lot of myself. I have ODD so it’s a little different, but the man is an asshole in the best way possible. He is petty and gives off angry cat energy in both fandom aspects and canon. Also I appreciate that he never acted against Evan even when he had the opportunity and reason to do so, he threatened it but he kept his mouth shut. Real friend right there <3 (I could tell everyone everything! Okay great! You go ahead! Do that! Tell everyone how you helped write emails pretending to be a kid who killed himself! Fuck you Evan!)
Least Favorite Thing About Them
He doesn’t have enough screen time/show time. People mischaracterize him because his entire character is shoved into as little time as possible. I know I just said that I love how he’s an asshole but he’s more than an asshole. He’s so clearly lonely and more than just an angry kid. At least in the book they made him “hot” in the end but the show and movie pretty much get rid of him come act two
Favorite Line
Kinky!
Just kidding
Asshole!
Okay okay for real this time
Yeah I hate to tell you this Evan, but you may have already perjured yourself.
Isn’t that only when you’re under oath? Like in a courtroom?
Well weren’t you under oath? In a way?
No.
Or from the movie (since I view them as different canons)
Connor took a letter from me. It was an assignment for my therapist.
Ew.
(I’d offer a different line but Jared doesn’t have that many)
BROTP
Jared and Zoe friendship!!! They hate each other they’re best friends they get drunk and cry together!!
Another excerpt of my own writing that explains this. Again my writing quality has gone up since this but oh well:
Connor rolled his eyes, "I'm saying that Evan will always be there, okay? You are so fucking stubborn, and I'm trying to be nice and make you feel better, just say thank you like a decent human being."
"You just made me feel shitty."
Connor threw his hands up, "Fuck! You're impossible!"
Zoe's voice screeched from below, "FUCK OFF! HE IS MY BEST FRIEND!"
— I don’t know what I want, but I need you. Chapter 12
OTP
Either kleinsen or kleinphy. They both have potential. All my kleinsen fics are really fluffy (soulmates, hurt/comfort, etc) and my kleinphy fics are like…rough and angsty (teen parenthood, child abuse, etc) I like both equally, but what I want to read depends on the content I’m looking for as shown by my own writing style
NOTP
Nothing icky like the parents being involved obviously, otherwise Jared/Zoe fics just don’t feel right. Jared is gay. Like he has to be. The book tried telling me he liked boobs and I know Val Emmich lied. Evan was simping at the end for a reason. Jared doesn’t even have to like Evan the man is still gay. Best part of the movie but dear god at what cost? (I did like the movie I swear)
Random Headcannon
Jared has two moms, or his mother is bisexual. I tried writing him with straight parents and every single time it feels kind of wrong
Also he has a cat. Her name is Mayonnaise. Mayo for short.
Unpopular Opinion
Idk if this is unpopular or not but I’m glad they cut Goin’ Viral. It only pushes the he’s an asshole idea and even though I love the song it wouldn’t have helped his characterization. I would have liked for them to properly record the song when they released the deluxe album but apparently Disappear Pt. 2: the duet version was more important.
Also Jared Goldsmith was my favorite Jared actor other than Will Roland. Nothing can beat the Will Roland vibes
Book Jared shouldn’t have ditched his glasses and got buff, they made him too powerful. Evan couldn’t help but fall for him. Let him stay as he is don’t make him conventionally attractive!
Song I Associate With Them
Jared is such a complicated guy. His feelings are deep. He’s cringy but free. I haven’t thought about this in a while hang on…
I imagine that Jared is a pop girlie and this gives the desperate for attention vibes that I usually associate with him
And as for his inherently cringey vibes that I usually give him…
I’m not sorry
Favorite Picture Of Them
Again, we have options…
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uzumaki-rebellion · 1 year ago
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“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 73″
Masterlist HERE. 
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"They say she get it from her Mama…
I put that on my own mama, on my hood I look fly, I look good You can't touch my bag, wish you could I look fly, I look too good Put that on my own mama, on my hood…"
Victoria Monet – "On My Mama"
T'Challa lifted his newborn son from his fluffy pram blanket and gently burped him near the wall-sized window of the Sun Room. Nakia fed the baby constantly and after only a week of being alive, Toussaint was fatter and his belly became a round ball that his father liked to tickle.
The deep rich melanin had evened out across his son's body and looking down at the tiny face, T'Challa witnessed a mirror, a version of himself that depended on a family to raise him up the right way. He kissed Toussaint's forehead, then rocked him quietly.
"This is the best place to catch the last rays if you don't want to go outside…"
T'Challa turned to the sound of N'Jadaka's voice.
"Just sneaking in some time with him alone before I go to the ball," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka touched Toussaint's hand and the baby squirmed and grabbed a hold of his cousin's index finger.
"He's strong," N'Jadaka said.
"Here."
T'Challa handed over his son and N'Jadaka cradled the boy much better than he did. Of course, he had more experience with Sydette when she was a baby. But T'Challa learned quickly and studied how N'Jadaka moved with the little one, the natural ease giving him the confidence to do better himself. He still became nervous caring for Toussaint, so the little trips away from Nakia's side helped him shore up his daddy skills. When Shuri had been born, T'Challa had been at university and didn't have an opportunity to care for her as a newborn with so many palace attendants looking after the princess and Ramonda. Like his son, his baby sister had been a precious tiny being that made him too self-conscious about screwing up his interactions. The Black Panther had faced terrors that the mind couldn't conceive, and yet a seven-pound bundle kept him feeling fluttery in the brain and hands.
"Lotta hair," N'Jadaka said, touching a curly loc on the top of Toussaint's head.
N'Jadaka scrunched his face at the baby with various silly expressions making T'Challa laugh.
"You are good with babies," T'Challa said.
"I do alright. You'll get the hang of this cuz. Wait until he calls you Baba for the first time… man, you'll float on cloud nine. When Sydette said that to me, I swear, I must've grown fifty feet taller. Kids…they make life different… make you see things differently if you let them."
"I understand that completely now. I worry that I will be an overprotective father, or worse, a father who allows too much because how can I deny this child's wondrous face?"
"You'll find balance."
"I hope so. I would like to have a relationship with my son the way you do with your children. You are an exceptional father, N'Jadaka."
The king looked into T'Challa's eyes and a humbleness rested there.
"I raise my children the way my parents raised me, with respect, kindness, and plenty of unconditional love. They believed I could do anything I set my mind to and supported me with all of my interests. I felt at ease with them… could talk about anything under the sun and I would always know they had my back. When I had to live in juvie for almost a year, I discovered how blessed I was to have my parents. Even if it was for a short period of time. Some children never know love from the adults that bring them into the world. There's so much suffering for no reason. I cherish all of my memories with them and I try to pass on their wisdom to my kids."
T'Challa reached into the leather pouch that hung around his neck and pulled out some Wakandan currency folded into a neat square.
"Riki paid me this to make another male baby. I was told that Yani explained to him that the father determines the sex of the baby, and he asked for this money back from Nakia so he could give it to me. I am giving it back to you because Toussaint is a lot of work and I can't imagine having another baby too soon. It is your turn to bring in more boys," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka grinned and handed Toussaint back to T'Challa, palming the money in return.
"Yani will decide when that happens, but trust, I am practicing,"
T'Challa cackled and N'Jadaka lowered his head, realizing he revealed too much.
N'Jadaka started humming a little, familiar tune, and T'Challa joined in by softly singing the words to "Lullaby Little One", peering at the snuggled bundle in his arms.
"He is the best of everything that I am," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka glanced up at T'Challa.
"My father is proud of you… of us," N'Jadaka said.
T'Challa tilted his head and regarded his cousin's face with curiosity.
"I visit them…my parents…over at Black Creek whenever I need to think about my purpose and my role as king. It calms me. Reminds me of my duty to my family too. Baba loved you with all his heart and he is happy that you and I are together. He said it was the way it was supposed to be. He still watches over you too, Cuz. And your son," N'Jadaka said.
T'Challa lowered his head and let out a shuddery breath.
"Hearing that pleases me, N'Jadaka. I feel peace in my heart now that you and I are one."
He looked out over the window view of the kingdom.
"I have made peace with my own father. It has not been easy walking in his shadow. I have laid that burden to rest as you told me. You and I have children to raise and a nation to protect. Tonight is a very important gathering," T'Challa said.
The king gazed at the river below busy with night merchants and leisure boats passing in and out of Birnin Zana's brightly lit port.
"Tonight we watch nations curry favor with us. Niganda's president and the Prime Minister of Mohannda have been acting salty as fuck with our inquiries about border disputes and encroaching on our territory. Canaan and Azania have remained open on everything since the first UDC meeting. Azania has slowly been jockeying for my attention even more since we hosted the inaugural UDC in their country. They would like to host the next meeting at the end of the year. I suggested rotating gatherings as an option, although Canaan would prefer they all be hosted here."
T'Challa grinned.
"It is a sly way of getting into Wakanda twice a year," T'Challa said.
"I know. But we have to appear egalitarian. North Africa is already feeling slighted because I won't let them in yet."
"Tunisia did not help them with their behavior."
"I'll worry about the north later."
"Niganda and Mohannda will be our main troublemakers. They will be all shiny teeth and glowing eyes for you in front of the other nations," T'Challa said.
"Umama reminded me yesterday that shiny teeth don't mean people are smiling at you."
"This is true. You will learn tonight the masks those two countries have worn for centuries when dealing with us. My father kept them at arm's length for over thirty years."
"Time for me to bring them closer."
N'Jadaka checked his kimoyo.
"I'll meet you on the bridge at eight," N'Jadaka said.
The king left him alone and T'Challa gazed at his son. His kimoyos lit up with a pulsing white glow. An urgent signal from Captain America.
T'Challa used a voice command to bring up Steve's floating avatar. The deep creases on the Avenger's forehead and the tight-lipped stare conveyed a grim mood at the Avenger's compound. For a brief moment, Steve glanced down at Toussaint and a faint smile perked up the American's lips.
"Your new son," Steve said.
"Toussaint."
"That doesn't sound like a Wakandan name."
"It's Haitian. What is going on?"
"We may need your sister's help," Steve said.
"With what exactly?"
"We're in the middle of a delicate situation and if we can't solve it…T'Challa, some invaders arrived and attacked members of our team. Vision… he's in a lot of trouble and we're trying to protect him."
"Zero hour?" T'Challa said.
"I'm praying that it isn't. Can we count on your help if we can't keep him safe here?"
"Our king is prepared to assist," T'Challa said.
"Wanda and Vision were attacked in Scotland. Their assailants were after the mind stone. Please inform King N'Jadaka that we will be in touch again soon."
The fear in Steve's eyes soaked through the avatar. T'Challa ended the call and stared into the eyes of his son.
"You are not even a week old and your Baba and cousin must fight to keep the world whole in order for you to live well."
He pushed back against the cool dread gliding up the base of his neck.
The Avengers were a tight team despite their internal differences. Steve Rogers was frightened and desperate for Wakanda's backing. N'Jadaka needed to get through the night with T'Challa keeping a sharp eye for turncoats. One thing at a time though. Get through the ball and then await any more news from the Avenger's compound.
"Come, my son. Let us return to your mother so Baba can do his job."
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The noble women Yani chose as her Ladies-in-Waiting prepared her fresh make-up after her dinner with N'Jadaka. Zola was a member of the Panther tribe. She had a soft athletic build with fetching eyes and was one of the first Wakandan elites to befriend Yani during her first weeks in the country. She knew all the gossip and schooled Yani about who to watch out for in the close-knit upper classes. Ilana was more guarded. Although she had been friendly toward Yani in the beginning, their friendship was a slow bloom once she became better acquainted. Her gorgeous figure and lush head of thick hair made her a stand out on the noble court, and they shared a love of music and dancing. Yani liked that she was a member of the River Tribe for it gave a nuanced look at nobles from a balanced perspective. Ramonda encouraged her to have all her Ladies from the Panther Tribe, but Yani insisted on a mix and asked Marisol and Twyla to be on her team too. It gave her the ability to have eyes and ears in the wider society since Marisol and Twyla moved outside of the palace. Twyla had her professional Eco-Tourism business and Marisol had accepted an invitation to study in the Temple of Bast while also teaching Candomble at the University of Birnin Zana. If the queen had to have a close team, then she wisely chose the best available to her, and Zola and Ilana were her best investment.
Outside of her own family, the two noble women were generous and protective of Yani as they had been trained to do all their lives if they were lucky enough to be chosen by a queen to serve in the palace. The Court of Nobles vied for positions serving the royal family, and the queen's inner circle was the most coveted placement among the women. Not only were they privy to the inner machinations of the royal family, but they were also closer to snatching up partners of high standing. There was a strict vetting process and it took a full six months to get final approval from the council of elders and the king himself. Part of the vetting process had been eye-opening and a little disconcerting to Yani. The Ladies not only served the queen but they were at the beck and call of the king too within his home, and in the past, Wakandan kings often used the women as their concubines and what the elders called "prep women" if the kings were unmarried. The sexual explicitness of what they would do for the king or queen made Yani's face burn, but it was no different than the lifestyle Ayomide and M'Baku lived high up in the mountains.
Yani studied books in their ancient family library that had illustrations and tales from past rulers, and she confessed to Zinzi and Efetobo in their private consultations that she worried that N'Jadaka's enormous sexual appetite could overwhelm her once she became queen, and she was not one to seek out the help of other women. She was too embarrassed to ask Ramonda and Umama how they dealt with their sex lives. Zinzi calmed her fears and reminded her that every generation of rulers decided how they would work out their domestic household, and that the queen had a lot of pull in nixing anything they weren't comfortable with. Shock sat on her face when she was also told that a queen could have male or female lovers if the king were away for a long time. At least they believed in equal favor.
There was no way N'Jadaka would allow another man to dick down his woman while he was gone. In the ancient books, to keep the queen from becoming pregnant from her temporary substitute, male concubines were made to wear prosthetic dicks designed in the shape of the king's phallus so that the queen's vagina would remember her husband. Yani was shown dildos hollowed out from rubbery pieces of wood from antiquity. She could see where her man's dick came down the bloodline. The Udaku's always had girth and heft.
The ancient sexual proclivities fascinated her, and she found herself questioning her moral conservatism. Once, while Dante allowed her to look at one of N'Jadaka's old computer tablets back when he was Erik Killmonger and she was learning about his family in depth, she stumbled across a hidden file of sex vids. Holed up in her suite, she watched Killmonger have intercourse with various women on his travels. Sometimes there were two or three women at a time. The experience of watching him from angles that she never saw had her sweating, and she soaked plenty of panties rewinding images of him cumming and pleasuring other women.
Yani struggled with her confusion as to how she could dread her man finding another woman to cheat with or replace her, and yet get stimulated and wetter than an ocean seeing him have sex with others. Hearing him moan another woman's name and observing his lovers lose it over him forced her fingers between her legs as her clit beat a rhythm that needed satisfying and moaning of her own. She spent hours watching the vids, not only because she missed Killmonger so much, but because her orgasms were explosive imagining him doing all of that in the flesh, right in front of her. Even when he returned and they struggled to reconnect, Yani would sneak peeks at those vids to satisfy her cravings for him.
Preparing to be his wife was an education that allowed her to look within herself and discover that she had more kinks than she realized.
Exhibitionist. Check.
Anal play. Check.
Bratty submissive. Check.
Humiliation kink. Check.
Roleplaying. Check.
Spanking. Check.
Choking. Check.
Cuckquean? Who knew?
As much as she was dead set against sharing N'Jadaka with Disa in any polyamorous royal union, she tried to understand why complete strangers with her man aroused her, and having him be with Disa bothered her so much. Perhaps it was the impersonal nature of the sex he had with those beautiful women around the world. N'Jadaka was simply fucking and being explicit to satisfy his cravings. There was no love or true affection. Truth be told, Yani sometimes enjoyed that fucking energy more than when they made tender love. Something about the way he manhandled women made her pussy jump. Especially when he slapped them for being disobedient.
Yani knew N'Jadaka found Zola and Ilana attractive. They were enamored with him themselves just as everyone was who came into contact with the king. N'Jadaka was bigger than life in person, and he oozed a dangerous charm that held people enthralled. Yani had grown accustomed to his effect on people. It made her feel powerful in his presence because he doted on her openly. Zola and Ilana did the same to Yani, their affectionate and playful manners touched on a strong sisterhood. They loved the idea of a foreign queen ruling. It shook up the elites and made their lives more interesting. Without N'Jadaka saying anything, Zola and Ilana were always the first to go on the defense for Yani if they caught wind of negative gossip toward her. The Queen's Ladies knew the pedigree and secrets of everyone and cut them to the quick if they said one bad thing about her. Marisol, Twyla, and Disa liked them. So did the children. Especially Joba and Riki. This gave Yani the assurance that she had chosen her confidantes well. They wanted N'Jadaka to succeed because they grew up hearing the stories of Prince N'Jobu and were open to being out in the world instead of hiding behind their protective shields ignorant of everything. The new king ushered in the age of far-reaching Wakandan influence and that ignited their passions for the future.
Zola held out a golden jaguar mask that would cover the top half of Yani's face.
"Do not take this off at all tonight," Zola said.
She helped Yani stick it on her face with the sweet-smelling adhesive.
"Those foreign nations need to be captured by your seductive allure and the mystery you represent," Ilana added, touching up Yani's fresh lipstick.
"This is true," Zola said, stepping back to look at the mask, "A powerful king such as ours will have the world by the balls with you standing next to him looking this captivating."
Yani turned to face the large mirror in her dressing room inside of the king's home. She almost gasped herself looking at her reflection. Zola winked at her through the mirror.
"Yes, that is our queen right there."
Ilana lifted the train for the dress with Zola's help as Yani stood to take in all angles of her reflection. She was stunning and she knew it. Tapping a nervous finger on her engagement ring she turned to her Ladies.
"Tonight, after the ball, I will be with the king," Yani said.
Both women lowered their heads at the mention of N'Jadaka from her lips to show respect for her. They slipped on gold cat-claw finger armor on her index and middle fingers. Umama sent her the family heirloom. The long and deadly-looking finger jewelry was an ancient heirloom that belonged to Queen Tiye and Queen Shuriya. Yani was given a week's long lesson on that woman and having items that belonged to queens the entire country admired was a huge deal. The elder Queen mother explained that Yani would set the new standard for how a queen should be, and to never take any interaction for granted.
"I would like for you both to prepare me for him later. He is under a lot of stress and I want him pampered. Understood?"
"Yes, Princess," they answered in unison.
"Leave me," Yani said.
Zola and Ilana departed the room to wait for her in the spacious living room downstairs. She stared at her image again and then sauntered out toward her bed chamber. Heading to her beautifully carved bureau, Yani pulled out N'Jadaka's smoking pipe that she snuck away from his private bar. She lit it up and rested on her bed, allowing the herb to burn a small cloud of smoke before she puffed on it, settling her mind for a long evening representing the entire country. She wasn't the queen yet, but the palace and the press had begun calling her the consort and she had to be on her best for N'Jadaka and the world.
The chemicals in the plant kicked up in her bloodstream and her breathing became deeper, less shallow, and anxious. She closed her eyes and focused on how she would walk, how she would enunciate her Wakandan well, and use the king's good English when necessary. Her mind drifted and she started chanting an old Wakandan proverb she learned that Queen Tiye was credited in writing. Loosely translated it meant "There is power in the walk and the word", but when recited quickly and under duress, it became a verbal narcotic for Yani to decompress whenever she worried about representing so much power. The niggling fears of not being good enough taunted her despite her assertive pushback.
Going out into the ballroom would be another performance, and as a former singer and social media star, Yani knew how to cultivate the image of a woman in control. This would be a performance of a lifetime, her coming out to the world stage. The herb slowed down the whirring in her brain and chipped away at the self-doubt and nervousness. She chanted the first Queen of Wakanda's proverb over and over until she dozed off into a twilight sleep, sinking deeper and deeper…
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The scent of burning and black smoke stung Yani first before she even noticed the blazing fire. Acres and acres of lush vegetation went up in a fiery red-orange wave of flames that lit up the landscape and blanketed the blue sky above with encroaching darkness from the belching of acrid smoke. Watching the burning fields, Yani expected to see a powerful dragon sweeping down from the sky and lighting up the world. Instead, she spotted the serene figure of a woman torching the earth with fire as her other hand wielded a sharp blade.
Yani put a hand over her nose as the smoke choked her throat and burned her eyes. She coughed, leaned forward, and spit out fire and smoke from her own mouth. Startled, Yani cried out in fear and the woman turned toward her, iron black hair wild around her head like a crown of ebony flames.
"Come burn this with me, gyal," the woman said.
Yani hesitated. The wind had whipped up the flames to towering heights and the heat increased, ready to lick and scorch her skin.
"Fiyahbun for this, not you," the woman said.
She thrust the torch out toward Yani.
"Come, come…step quick. Yuh know mi…come from mi. I hear yuh sing fuh mi—"
"Queen Mary?" Yani said.
"Mi no stranger to mi own pickney. Come. Burn…."
Yani took hesitant steps, unsure if she was dreaming or high from the herb in N'Jadaka's pipe. It felt real. Smelled real. Looked real.
"Ah dou-dou, step strong. Yuh come from strong people. How yuh 'gon stand with that Big Man on the hill walkin' like that?"
Queen Mary sucked her teeth and Yani changed her pace and ground her bare feet sturdy on the earth.
When she reached Queen Mary, she took the torch from her hand.
"This too," Queen Mary said.
Yani grabbed the long shiny cutlass in her other hand and wasn't surprised to see that Queen Mary still had another torch and cutlass in her grasp.
"Feel that weight, gyal? That's the only weight you should have on you from now on. The Big Man on the Hill needs a queen to be his equal. You are that, hear mi? Burn it all."
Yani touched unburned portions of the field, and despite being in the middle of a raging inferno, the fire never touched or singed their skin. But Yani felt the heat from her greatest grandmother's body and witnessed the flames shining in her dark black eyes. Eyes as black as Sydette's… as black as Joba's.
The smoke swirled into a thick blanket blinding Yani's sight, but she kept walking forward with Queen Mary until they passed through to the other side of a pristine beach with water so clear it that made her weep with longing for her old cove. Queen Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath before flinging her torch and cutlass into the sea.
"Your turn to carry it, Queen Yani. I will rest and watch yuh for always. Be a big woman now. He 'gon need yuh fierceness when him put new babies in that belly and in your hands…"
Queen Mary reached over and placed a warm and gentle hand across Yani's stomach.
"Time will soon come when him need yuh tuh fight for dem babies, hear mi gyal? Him pickney powerful. Your blood mixed with his is so powerful that even your enemies will fear your children. Go back there now, show the world yuh come from mi. Show them how we cut and burn to the ground anyone opposed to us. You are his fire… his true blade…"
The water shimmered as Queen Mary walked across the top of it, no longer burdened with holding down the line. That was Yani's job and she gripped the torch and cutlass with a new confidence, facing the mighty blaze behind her. Walking back through the fire her body sensed a tugging back into bodily consciousness outside of the spiritual and she bolted up from the bed, her fingers clenched around nothing but air. But the sensation of the blade and torch were still there in her grasp. Glancing at her kimoyo, she knew she was late meeting N'Jadaka. She stepped off the bed and rolled her shoulders.
Show time.
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N'Jadaka waited for Yani out at the entrance of the bridge. She was running late, so he parked himself between both palace structures to give her fifteen more minutes before he graced his foreign guests with his presence. From the reports inside the ballroom, the attendees were having a grand old time although they were breathless with anticipation to see the king of Wakanda in all his glory.
The doors to the East Palace bridge entrance swung open and a set of Doras with four Ladies-in-Waiting flanked Yani who made his heart lurch when he saw her fully.
"Fuck," he gasped under his breath.
Marisol and Twyla made up two of the four ladies accompanying Yani and they grinned with knowing at the expression on his face. Even his personal guards made unintelligible sounds with their mouths when the vision of a new-era queen stepped into their midst.
The deep cobalt blue of her gown stole the richest hue of the waters back in St. Thomas. Her lace hood rested across the top of her head but the upper half of her face was covered in a bright gold jaguar lace face mask that enhanced the cat-like appearance she was going for. It was designed exactly the way his Umama's decorative jaguar mask looked, with the sharp cat ears laced with saffron diamonds. The tight corset made the tops of her breasts look like lush fruit while the rest of the gown had a long train that the two extra ladies-in-waiting watched out for as it swept behind Yani a good ten feet long. N'Jadaka's betrothal beads sat snug on her waist and hips.
Stunning burgundy lipstick with gold flecks at the center displayed Yani's plump lips, and her eyes dazzled everyone who gazed at her.
A queen.
N'Jadaka couldn't move. The air had been knocked out of his chest harder than a punch from an enemy. Everyone around them stood in stunned silence and stared at his fiancé with the masked mystique. There was an aura about her that his intuition told him was spiritual in nature. Yani stood in all of her glory, but she also stood on the shoulders of Queen Mary. That energy radiated from her thick and blazing, and it was enough to make Ogum smack N'Jadaka in the back of the head with Bast kicking him in the shin, lowering his right knee for him as he brought himself low to the ground. Holding out a hand towards her, he seized the moment to show the others the love and respect he had for her.
"Queen Yani N'Isiqithi, may I have the honor of escorting you to our first formal gathering together?" he asked.
"You may," she said, holding out her hand.
Most of her long nails sparkled with the colors of the sea with blue crystals at the tips. Fierce-looking finger armor covered the rest. He clasped her hand in his and lifted up from his knee, tucking her warm fingers into the crook of his arm. Chaperones be damned, he was holding his wife's hand.
Wife.
He paused and looked down into her eyes encased in the exquisite golden half-mask. This woman was his wife. The mother of his children. The woman who held him down from the moment she agreed to be his. His sly and mouthy island girl. The one who could bring him to his knees with just a touch from her hand and a twist of her lips. N'Jadaka was ready to show her off to the world. Two diaspora babies came home to the motherland to rule it together.
He grinned. Oh, to go back in time to the cove on his first day in St. Thomas. To see her naked and swimming in liquid heaven. To know that the moment he heard her voice and laid eyes on her that she was the one to stand with him there. His heart overflowed and he patted her wrist.
"Let's go show these people royalty," he said.
Across the bridge waiting for them, royal drummers kicked off a loud rumble that would announce to the guests that the king had arrived.
"Baby, there will be wolves in sheep's clothing among the crowd," he whispered to her as they traipsed the bridge and stepped into the West Palace.
"I am prepared for them," she said.
N'Jadaka looked at Yani. Her voice sounded different. Fierce. It came out sharp like an oyster knife ready to peel away the soft flesh of mollusks. Her pace matched his and there was a synergy coursing between them that was as thick as a Wakandan winter stew. They were evenly yoked as his Nana would say. She carried a warrior spirit in her steps.
Yani glanced up into his eyes and the sparkle of light from the hall lamps leading to the grand ballroom flickered like torch flames. Ogum shifted in his chest and Bast leaned on his head harder recognizing the power of her ancestors within her.
Lifting his left hand, N'Jadaka greeted T'Challa who waited for them in front of the entrance of the ballroom. Heavily guarded, security was tighter than normal. The thumping of music bled through the doors.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Always," Yani responded.
The giant doors were opened and they were ushered to the top of the stairs that led down to the merriment below. One thousand people stopped dancing, speaking, eating, and drinking right where they stood just to stare up at the top of the landing to gaze upon the dazzling image of King N'Jadaka and his Queen-to-be Yani. He held out Yani's hand to offer her a resting balance as they took their time coming down the steep stairs. Their titles were announced as the royal orchestra played the Wakandan National Anthem with their steps.
N'Jadaka escorted Yani around the polished floor in a wide circle so that all the guests could see them. They rounded the final curve and faced an eager audience that salivated at the sight of them before a roar of applause erupted. T'Challa stood to N'Jadaka's left, his lighter blue robes complimenting the king's outfit. The applause washed over them for eight minutes straight. Yani leaned into him and whispered, "They are hungry for your grace, kumkani."
"Let's give them a show," he said back to her.
He lifted Yani's hand higher and waved a hand for her to step forward and take more of the applause for herself. She took a graceful step forward and hundreds of Wakandan nobles began clapping and singing out Yani's name with pride in their voices. No one had ever seen a consort like her before in all of Africa. He made out a chant that they echoed throughout the ballroom. The Golden Jaguar Queen. N'Jadaka swept his gaze around the entire room. The energy was electrifying. He eased away from Yani to give her more attention and the chanting grew stronger, picked up on by the other foreign guests.
Yani had star power. The grace in her walk and the seductive twist in her hips hypnotized the people there. He would use it to his advantage. She knew she was a weapon and preened before the crowd, accepting their adoration. Holding up his hand to calm the audience, the orchestra kicked into the first real Wakandan waltz of the evening with the sounds of bright horns heralding the arrival of the king. As the thumps from a bass drum pulled in the full percussive section, N'Jadaka slipped his arm around Yani's lower back and also clasped her hand.
They had practiced together sporadically when his schedule permitted, but their times together in St. Thomas dancing around the beach, inside their home, or in the privacy of their old bedroom made their coming together seamless and unrushed. Yani gripped his shoulder and relaxed into his lead hand and he spun her out onto the middle of the ballroom. No one outside of the country had ever seen a Wakandan waltz, but to the king, it was an easy transition from learning how to two-step from his grandfather. He already had the natural dancing gifts of his mother, Califia, and the magnetic grace of his father, N'Jobu, but having Yani on his arm elevated the spectatorship. Yani added sways and small dips that brought him back to Juvay, and he contributed his own touches in his hips and feet from Brazil. The diaspora styles melded with the Wakandan steps. As the drum beats dropped away from a section of the music and the triumphant horns peppered the air, N'Jadaka broke away from Yani and circled around her as the dance called for him to do, and she gathered up the hem of her dress to allow herself to wind her hips and dropped her body low in time to the measured tones of the soulful, full-bodied sound. Her Ladies-in-Waiting, Zola, and Ilana joined with Twyla and Marisol chanting out a call and response that other Wakandan nobles bounced back to them around the ballroom, adding another texture to the mid-tempo orchestral music.
Yani rolled her shoulders and spun around toward the center audience and body rolled her curves, raising her arms in the air as if she were conducting the horns. She spun back around toward him and he was right there to clasp her hand and guide her around the floor once more as the train of her dress looked like a waterfall spilling from her hips. They were joined by other partnered nobles who recognized the signal move to join the king and his betrothed. At least one hundred of the nobles present, who were of the upper echelon in status, were allowed to dance with them. They lined themselves around the king and Yani, moving in tandem to ancient ritualized steps that N'Jadaka had already shown the audience. As all the Wakandan men stepped away from their partners, several women added the new flair that Yani introduced, winding their hips and bending their knees low.
When all the women had their hands in the air like his future queen, N'Jadaka knew that Yani had shifted the culture publicly. The heavenly sounds of strings and harps cued the men for their solo dance moves as the women stood to the side with their hands on their hips in an exaggerated fashion. N'Jadaka took that as a sign for him to cut up in front of everyone. The men around him on the floor gave their best to keep the women from upstaging their king, unfortunately, Yani's demeanor, her dynamic appearance, and the internal swag she carried like body armor rose up like a storm and the women followed her lead and stalked past the men to form the opposing line that became a dance battle as the sexes faced off against one another to execute polished steps. It was over for the men once Yani started dusting her shoulders and the women followed that example by bobbing their heads in a challenging fashion as if to say, "'Sup nigga, whatchu got now?"
N'Jadaka raised his arms up and down to pump up the men and they fell into exquisitely choreographed legwork. He had never been in a fraternity ever, but the king stepped as if he went to an HBCU. The men threw down, exciting the foreign guests. Their flying arms, jumping legs, and the practiced, exaggerated turns of their heads as they raised their communal gaze skyward to welcome their ancient forebears aroused pride in N'Jadaka. He was a Wakandan king and the world would never ever see another like him again until one of his children ascended the throne. He caught a glimpse of Umama, Baba Z, Dante, and Ramonda sitting up high in private seating above the orchestra. Their bird's eye view made him feel good…watched over. Umama and Dante held their hands up waving to the music. In another protected section sat Marisol, Twyla, Zola, and Ilana who watched over Yani, ready to spring into action if she needed anything.
The dancers made all the turns around the floor that went with the music and his favorite part came up next that headed them to the home stretch…the stroll. It was a cool-down the heart rate move that allowed the men to prance one final time as they went to retrieve their partners with a dramatic flourish.
"You betta strut Big Nigga!" Twyla shouted from above.
N'Jadaka dipped his shoulders and pumped out his elbows as he slowly stepped to Yani. She had her hands on her hips and kept her head tilted in a haughty manner. All the woman thrust their chests and shoulders in time to the music awaiting their menfolk.
"Get your queen, kumkani!"
Umama's voice egged him on and he grinned, flashing Yani his dimples. Crispy horns picked back up like a clarion call to greatness. N'Jadaka lived in the moment, twisting his hips and bouncing his shoulders with aplomb. The energy from the men backing him up with bravado flowed through him as he inched his way to his woman.
He stopped in mid-step, staring at Yani for a split second before shaking his head. The music swelled all around him and nudged him to keep stepping, but N'Jadaka could've sworn Yani held a torch and machete in her hands. He blinked and her hands were still on her hips, daring him to be bold enough to take her.
N'Jadaka moved closer so that his body rubbed up against hers and he ran his hands down her shoulders, linking their pinky fingers together while he kissed her cheek in front of the entire gathering. Applause broke out and the nobles made space for the king and his queen to leave the dance floor first. The other elites in the room chanted his name and Yani's, forcing the first smile from Yani that wasn't directed at him. Instead of clasping his hand as they had practiced to walk back to the receiving line in time to the final horn blowing, Yani slid her armored index finger up his chest and pranced around him in a circle before lifting up her hand in a dainty fashion waiting for him to come to her first as she walked away a good three feet.
The Wakandan women howled and stomped their heels, ululations flew over their heads, and the cackle of his own grandmother floated down to tease him of the audacity they were all witnessing.
A queen putting her king in his place?
Never one to ever feel belittled by women he loved all his life, N'Jadaka slid his hands over his perfectly braided locs and swaggered over to Yani with such powerful strides that she immediately acquiesced the moment he towered over her and pulled her head back. He bared his teeth and his betrothed caved first by lowering her eyes from the heat blazing in his.
Yani moved her head from side to side and N'Jadaka kept his eyes on hers, moving his head to thwart her attempts to look away. She stepped backward and he kept walking forward, shepherding her into her rightful position on the receiving line. The waltz music tapered off slowly as Yani lifted her head and pressed her lips against his in complete submission, the eroticism of the moment not lost to the audience.
T'Challa met them on the side, his eyes and neck on constant swivel mode. He leaned in toward the king.
"Cousin, you have given the nobles something to talk about for the rest of the years to come," T'Challa said. "Do you need a break before the meet and greet?"
N'Jadaka shook his head and pulled Yani closer to him.
"Nah, let's feel these people out. You good, baby?"
Yani nodded, unable to speak or keep her eyes off of him.
The orchestra played the greeting march, where the foreign heads of state would walk up to meet the king and consort formally. N'Jadaka tapped an earbud where he could listen to his team fill him in on who was who and to also remind him of anything important to keep any blunders from occurring. He looked down at Yani again.
"You were swinging, girl."
"So were you."
"Do I look sweaty?"
"No. You look very handsome."
Yani reached up and wiped his lips from some of the glitter of her lipstick where she kissed him. Leaders were brought forward and introduced through T'Challa. He was most familiar with many guests from his time of rule. N'Jadaka puffed up his chest and minded his words. Yani became a gracious hostess, saying very little and only offering her hand to a select few to shake when she felt it was necessary. Everyone wanted to talk to her…stare at her up close, but T'Challa and the Doras kept the receiving line moving. She stayed friendly and open to the women and distant to the men, establishing a firm barrier of who could approach her. A soft squeeze or a heavy grip on his arm told N'Jadaka who she was comfortable with, and he stayed vigilant in moving along pushy leaders.
"The President and Prime Minister of Mohannda are up next after this group," T'Challa forewarned as the President and Secretary of State of a small African nation N'Jadaka helped destabilize in Special Forces approached him. Ogum tickled his senses and he rubbed his arm against Yani's to let her know he needed her charms even more.
"We are honored to have this opportunity here in Wakanda with you, King N'Jadaka."
The president was a squat, heavy-set man with a shiny balding head and a British-educated accent.
"Thank you for being here President Obiang. I hope your time among us has been pleasant," N'Jadaka said.
Obiang turned to the statuesque woman next to him who looked like she was ready to scratch the man's eyes out.
"King N'Jadaka, may I introduce to you our Secretary of State—"
"Madame Sacha Furaha. I am truly honored to meet you," N'Jadaka said.
It was less than a decade since he had ever laid eyes on her during a covert mission where he helped kill a brutal dictator. Sacha had sought the presidency after the assassination of her husband who staged a progressive coup to lead their country into true democracy. N'Jadaka was part of the Black Ops team that threw Sacha's husband's murderer out of a chopper right before the C.I.A. helped put in another puppet dictator. He spent several years making discreet, off-the-grid donations to her run for the presidency. The smile on his face showed he was pleased that she had at least made inroads into higher power within her country. His openness startled her, and Obiang. Yani interjected with her sweet voice.
"Madame Furaha, I have been so impressed with your work on the U.N. child advocacy program. I would love to speak with you at a later date about co-paneling a talk for the East African Health Summit this winter," Yani said.
Obiang and Sacha regarded Yani with open-faced wonder.
"King N'Jadaka has been keeping me abreast of West African nations that support world health issues for mothers and babies, and my work with the UDC is about to expand next year. I'm so happy that you were able to come to Wakanda so I could meet you in person."
Yani patted N'Jadaka's arm, giving the conversation back to him. He studied Obiang's face to see if the entry point he needed to connect with Sacha publicly was acceptable.
"I am so surprised and pleased that you would like to contact me in the future Princess Yani. I didn't know King N'Jadaka was aware of my work," Sacha said.
Obiang chomped at the bit to be included in the conversation. Lines appeared on his forehead and his jaw became tight. N'Jadaka made eye contact with Sacha.
"Princess Yani is a strong advocate for maternal health. I'll have her set up a time for you both to speak before your departure on Sunday," N'Jadaka said.
He gave Yani a look and she offered her hand to Sacha.
"I look forward to meeting you again soon," Yani said.
Sacha shook Yani's hand gently and seemed touched when the princess placed her other hand on top in a sign of true sincerity. N'Jadaka regarded the president once more.
"President Obiang, it's been a pleasure. Thank you both for being here…"
T'Challa ushered them along and Obiang glanced back trying to get N'Jadaka's attention for more speaking time, but the king of Wakanda looked away.
"Smooth as silk, Yani," N'Jadaka said.
He rubbed her lower back
"I'm sure you'll tell me later what that was all about," she said.
"Yep. For now, just know that you have blessed Sacha with the upper hand. Obiang knows that she has favor with you and will give her more leeway in their country because he sees that I talk to you about world affairs. He wants to get to me but can only do so through her at this moment. That'll keep him from sacking her. They're political rivals and their country is in turmoil again."
"Tell me what you want from her and I will get it."
"I know you will," he said, lowering his mouth near her ear. "If it all goes the way I want with your help, you and I just met the new President who will replace Obiang in their next election. I owe her," N'Jadaka said.
"N'Jadaka…" T'Challa whispered.
President Mubiri of Mohannda took hard footsteps to approach N'Jadaka. He wore an imposing military uniform decorated with plenty of colorful chest candy denoting his high ranking. All of his stars and bars indicated years of being in the Mohanndan service. Mubiri carried the ferocious energy of a warlord hellbent on bending Wakanda to his will. Tall, paunchy in the belly but strong in the chest, the dark brown skin and thick dark beard sprinkled with a few grays that defied the obvious dye job didn't take away from his formidable presence. Mubiri's Prime Minister had the long face and demeanor of an angry ram ready to butt heads with N'Jadaka at a moment's notice. Unlike the other guests, the men had their wives walking behind them. Their shiny eyes peered over their husbands' shoulders dying to get a look at Yani and him.
Yani shifted her feet and pressed her warmth into N'Jadaka's side. Mubiri had her a tad anxious, even more so when T'Challa narrowed the distance between himself and his king.
"President Mubiri, welcome," N'Jadaka said, extending his hand.
Mubiri glanced down at the friendly offer as if the Wakandan king carried shit on his hands, but he clasped sturdy fingers over N'Jadaka's and pumped them up and down pretending that he was pleased to meet him. N'Jadaka dropped his hand and turned his attention to the second sour-faced man.
"Prime Minister Ony…gentlemen, First Lady Mubiri and Lady Ony, this is my betrothed, Princess Yani," N'Jadaka said.
Both men regarded Yani with open, hateful lust, but gave her forced smiles. Their wives kept quiet but held their gaze on Wakandan royalty. The tension was excruciating. Even the Doras glared at the men ready to lift their sonic spears if the king gave a cursory signal to destroy them.
Hate.
The male Mohannda delegation hated Wakandans down to the marrow of their bones. It was little wonder they were in cahoots with Niganda to try and bring down the kingdom that had always bested them for thousands of years. Their hatred extended out from them like sharp claws against N'Jadaka's skin.
"We have observed many amazing sights in your country King N'Jadaka, but I do believe I have never seen anything lovelier than this woman next to you. Princess Yani, I enjoyed watching you during the waltz. I myself am not much of a dancer, but I would so like to share a dance with you later this evening… with the king's permission of course," Mubiri said in a softer tone.
The slick words were intended to get N'Jadaka's hackles up, but he ignored the attempt. Yani simply looked over the president's shoulder toward the next foreign guests waiting to meet the king. The slight made Mubiri's smile slide open wider revealing overly whitened teeth. He wasn't accustomed to being ignored by a woman. Ony cleared his throat and tried to wrangle Yani's attention back to them.
"My love, the other guests are waiting," Yani said, touching an ear on her jaguar mask.
"Enjoy the rest of your evening," N'Jadaka said.
Yani pretended to be bored and glanced at the audience instead of the Mohanndans. Mubiri and Ony moved away in a huff.
"Lady Ony, Madame Mubiri, I love your headwraps. The colors are beautiful," Yani said as the women crossed her path behind their husbands.
Both women stopped and gawked at Yani, pleased that she had spoken to them.
"Thank you so much, Princess Yani. Your dress is gorgeous and your staff has been wonderful. We loved the flowers your office sent to our accommodations," Madame Mubiri said, her words gushing out like a thrilled teenager instead of a middle-aged woman.
President Mubiri spoke harsh words in Mohanndan under his breath and his wife scurried away from Yani with Lady Ony at her side.
"You sent them flowers?" N'Jadaka asked.
"Mmhmm. I had my staff deliver bouquets to all the women dignitaries from the royal garden. The new blooms are in and they will never have an opportunity to see the variety of species we have this fresh."
T'Challa leaned into N'Jadaka.
"President Kojo Tetteh and the First Lady of Ghana are next," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka looked into his cousin's eyes because his voice sounded tight and on the defensive. He glanced at the approaching couple and his stomach dropped.
"Oh shit," N'Jadaka said a little too loud.
Yani turned her head to see what the fuss was about and N'Jadaka braced himself to not give away anything when his former lover—and T'Challa's—sauntered their way with her popular husband.
Princess Vivienne Grimaldo, nee First Lady Vivienne Tettah still had her golden almond skin and the silky black tresses that made her a knockout. There were a few age lines near her mouth and the corner of her eyes, proof of her Monacan French heritage from her father's side of the family, but she carried the glimmers of her Senegalese heritage with her beauty.
President Tettah plastered a generous smile across his thick lips and paused in his steps when his wife halted suddenly and stared at the king.
"Erik Stevens?" Vivienne blurted in shock.
T'Challa fixed his attention on N'Jadaka as a slowly dawning realization crawled across his face.
"You're that Erik?" T'Challa said.
"What's going on?" Yani asked.
N'Jadaka calmed the worry in her voice by squeezing her hand that brushed against his. T'Challa recovered quickly and shifted his body toward his cousin.
"Kumkani, may I present to you…President Tettah and First Lady Vivienne Tettah," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka offered his hand to Tettah while his wife drilled holes into his face with her brash stare.
"Pleased to finally make your acquaintance King N'Jadaka," Tettah said.
Vivienne tossed her head back, laughed out loud, and then clapped her hands together, bouncing her gaze between the two Wakandan cousins.
"I knew it! I knew it!" Vivienne cackled.
She clutched at her husband's wide arm.
"Darling, I met Erik years ago when I dated T'Challa in university. He worked for Tony Stark when he was still a teenager and visited the palace. He went from an intern to a king. What a remarkably small world!"
Vivienne reached out and gave T'Challa air kisses on both cheeks and stood back next to Tettah catching her breath from the fast clip of her words. She couldn't hide the gleam in her excited eyes from watching his every move. Tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear, Vivienne had a difficult time trying to stay cool and collected in front of him with her husband in the mix.
"My God, you look amazing Erik…pardonne-moi… King N'Jadaka."
"May I introduce my fiancé, Princess Yani," N'Jadaka said, maintaining his calm exterior.
Yani stared at Vivienne whose overbearing familiarity broke protocols.
"Welcome to Wakanda," Yani said to Tettah in formal Wakandan.
She held up her hand and tilted her wrist. Tettah snapped up the opportunity to touch Yani, unlike other men who were on the receiving line. Once he cradled her hand, his entire disposition and focus shifted. Vivienne watched her husband turn into a heart-eyed fan gazing into Yani's eyes. A smirk washed over her lips as she admired Yani's attire and half-mask.
"You are so beautiful, Princess Yani. Congratulations on your engagement to the king," Vivienne said.
Yani looked at N'Jadaka and he smiled. She was going to pretend to not understand English to catch him in some mess. Her keen observational skills caught the awkwardness of T'Challa and his own stilted interaction. He spoke to her in Wakandan, playing along with her charade.
"Thank you," Yani said in English, taking in the First Lady's demeanor with proper reserve.
Vivienne studied Yani from head to toe before settling on N'Jadaka again.
"Do you keep in touch with Tony? We ran into him last year in Europe," Vivienne said.
"No."
The curtness in his voice made Vivienne lift an eyebrow in surprise.
"He still talks about you. Did he even know you were royalty back then?"
"Please forgive my wife, King N'Jadaka, we do not want to take up too much time in the line," Tettah said, growing uncomfortable with his wife's informal behavior.
Vivienne glared at her husband, then glanced at T'Challa and N'Jadaka.
"My husband is right. We can catch up later on tonight. Princess Yani, I would love for you to visit Ghana for high tea. My oldest daughter is attending boarding school in the fall and I'm planning a wonderful send-off with other First Ladies in our region," Vivienne said.
N'Jadaka wasted time translating again and Yani nodded in feigned understanding, then offered her hand to Vivienne.
"Wonderful, wonderful! I have so many questions for you and I would love to be considered for any outreach you are planning in West Africa. I also have some pull in Monaco through my family. I am at your disposal. Wakanda is the future of the continent and Ghana is ready to support you on the world stage."
N'Jadaka continued translating.
"Agreed!" Tettah said, still under Yani's spell. "Ghana was the first African nation to free itself from the yoke of colonization. We were a great example for the rest of the colonized. But today, Wakanda will liberate us from the West forever. God willing."
T'Challa placed his hand on Tettah's shoulder and held out the other to show them past the king. Vivienne walked away giddy and N'Jadaka took a deep breath.
"I see chapters of our lives overlapped," T'Challa said with a grin on his face.
"She is a princess?" Yani asked.
N'Jadaka nodded. T'Challa swiped a nervous hand over his forehead.
"A princess and my ex. Thank Bast Nakia wasn't here. Those two hated each other," T'Challa said.
"Did N'Jadaka sleep with her after you broke up?" Yani asked.
N'Jadaka coughed. T'Challa's face went blank.
Yani slid her arm around N'Jadaka's as the last groups of dignitaries queued up to meet them.
"Both of you looked funny when she approached us, and I can always tell when N'Jadaka has messed around with a woman. He can't hide nothin' on his face when it comes to his dick," Yani said.
T'Challa and N'Jadaka both coughed loudly to drown out Yani's words as the President and First Lady of Angola greeted them. N'Jadaka was happy to speak Portuguese and move past any more Vivienne inquiries. Every few seconds T'Challa would look at him and they would both fight back the giggles that rested in their guts. There was nothing worse than an old baddie showing up in front of your woman. N'Jadaka handled himself with dignity and Yani seemed more amused than annoyed by once again having his past thrown in her face. It wasn't his fault that an old jump-off married a president invited to the king's ball.
Glancing over to the west side of the ballroom, he noticed Vivienne looking flustered as she gulped down a large glass of champagne. Scanning the guests, all eyes were on him and Yani. He shook hands with his final guests and guided Yani by her elbow to their front table. The orchestra sprang into action and hundreds flocked to the giant dance floor. Zola and Ilana brought them drinks and snacks as Marisol and Twyla took their new seats beside them to observe the excitement in the room.
Every foreign guest was drunk with the enchantment of Wakanda.
N'Jadaka and Yani nibbled on tasty finger foods and the best wines brought in from Birnin S'Yan. T'Challa stood at attention overseeing their safety. When she was ready, N'Jadaka escorted Yani around to mingle with the nobles and spend more time chatting with guests she liked. Her Ladies-in-Waiting cocooned her in a protective half-circle while she spoke with the high society who adored her and shunned the ones who wished her ill. He watched Zola and Ilana whisper in her ear. It pleased him to see that two of the most beautiful women of the elite were at their service. Their eyes were always coquettish and slightly downcast when he gazed at them directly, but they hid none of their fawning over his princess. They doted on her and cherished every second spent with their new queen. Smitten with her island ways and warmth, Zola and Ilana became Yani's champions. They cultivated a careful friendship with her that moved into a closeness that made N'Jadaka feel at ease in his heart. Yani wanted and needed more friends in Wakanda. Disa had her own life and Twyla was a busy married woman. Marisol spent more time at the Temple of Bast and away from the palace, and this left Yani alone most days. Zola and Ilana helped Yani transition back to the palace from her lake villa and he was grateful for that.
He watched them laugh together, hold hands, and gossip like old hens. It gave him the peace of mind to leave the country and know that she was cared for by women who wanted her to win with pure hearts. Zola and Ilana became his home assistants as he also made the adjustment of preparing for life as a married man with a house full of women who catered to his whims and spoiled his wife. Yani earned that soft life. The Ladies managed every aspect of Yani's day. From coordinating her daily outfits, doing her hair and make-up, preparing her baths, and organizing her social affairs in and outside the palace, their impact maintained Yani's life as a well-oiled machine. They kept in constant contact with N'Jadaka's personal assistants in the West Palace to coordinate any appearances with Yani out in public. They were her messengers and spies. Most days it felt like having a second set of Doras guarding his wife.
"She is really something."
The voice near his ear was full of admiration, but N'Jadaka put up mental defenses.
Mubiri sipped on a glass of plum liquor and his eyes darted about to see how close the Doras and T'Challa stood from their king. N'Jadaka had no fear of anyone in the ballroom. They would be obliterated the moment they attempted anything, probably by his hands rather than anyone else. The joke floating throughout the palace was that the Doras were there to protect people from N'Jadaka rather than the other way around.
Yani had passed by a group of nobles and headed to another area with her entourage to speak to other guests that fluttered around her like butterflies seeking nectar. He couldn't stop staring at her himself. An elegance shrouded her with so many admirers.
"How did a hard brute like you ensnare a beauty such as that one, eh?"
Mubiri swirled the strong liquor in his glass waiting for N'Jadaka to answer.
"She likes a roughneck with plenty of finesse I guess."
"Finesse indeed, because for the life of my dearly departed mother, I cannot imagine how you were able to take the throne of Wakanda."
"I am an Udaku. That's how."
"The most dangerous one they've ever had," Mubiri said, chugging down the last of his drink.
N'Jadaka shrugged and cut his eyes toward Mubiri's Prime Minister. Ony slinked over, blocking the view of Yani. T'Challa lingered within earshot.
"I will not mince words, King N'Jadaka. Our countries are enemies—"
"Tell me how you really feel—"
"Do not stand here and hide your disdain with smug remarks," Mubiri hissed.
T'Challa stepped forward and N'Jadaka jerked his head for him to fall back.
"Listen, Mubiri, you can hate my country all you want, but you'll never have us under your thumb, no matter how much you whine like a bitch to the U.N. and Niganda."
Ony thrust his chest out and barked, "Watch your tongue!"
A few guests turned their way and N'Jadaka pretended to laugh at a joke and slapped a strong hand on Ony's back.
"Your land claims are bullshit, just like Niganda's. And don't think I'm not aware of all the trash-talking you've been doing to the U.S. Vice President. You've seen what my country has. No other nation can defeat us. I suggest you mind your business and be grateful I'm not like y'all, bullying other countries to make myself look tough. I could easily come up with my own land claims and take back an entire shoreline on your coast if I felt like it. My great grandparents from way back were generous in not wiping your people out…expanding Wakanda when your country conducted raids to steal our women to repopulate your nation. Centuries of wars you've started have made you weak, stupid, and desperate," N'Jadaka spat out with an acidic tongue.
A bitter laugh flew from Mubiri's mouth and he sneered at T'Challa.
"It's only a matter of time before the shine of your country wears off. There are forces coming together to put you in your place. All I have to do is sit back and watch," Mubiri growled through clenched teeth.
N'Jadaka rolled his neck and took a bold step so that he was face to face with his enemy neighbor.
"Think I won't whoop your ass in front of all these people?"
"President Mubiri, I do believe you asked for a dance earlier."
Mubiri jumped at the touch of Yani's hand on his arm. He stepped aside giving the princess room to stand with them.
"Princess Yani," Mubiri said, becoming flustered with her presence.
Yani glanced at N'Jadaka, already sensing that he was ready to throw hands. The man talked tough trying to see if a new king could be bullied, and N'Jadaka was not giving him any satisfaction. T'Challa would've maintained a polite control, but the son of Califia was about that life and he didn't care if he made an international incident in his own home.
Yani deescalated the tension and disarmed Mubiri with gentle fingers clasping his calloused hands and pulling him toward the dance floor. Ony followed them to watch and T'Challa nudged N'Jadaka's arm.
"We should keep Yani around all the time. He's like a candle doused with water now," T'Challa said.
N'Jadaka kept an eye on Yani. She made a power move to defang Mubiri before her king showed out and spoiled the jovial mood in the ballroom. In a corner, the president of Niganda watched him, ready to pounce if the Mohannda delegation became bold in public.
"I'll let her work her magic," N'Jadaka said.
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The king of Wakanda's mouth was in the shape of a weapon, and Yani recognized the signs that he was about to break another man in half. It was the way his shoulders tilted forward and his leg stance grew wide. Visibly he looked like a king cobra snake in attack mode and the rattle drew her attention to him.
A heaviness in Yani's hands reminded her of the words of Queen Mary and she clucked her tongue and her entourage gathered behind her as she moved like a cool wind across the ballroom. Eyes fell upon her trek toward the king and the circle of venomous men who surrounded him doing a poor job of keeping their voices down. Her confident strides had her gliding like an angelic vision in front of a thousand eyes. Having her Ladies-in-Waiting backing her up gave her presence added weight of a queendom on the come-up.
The sharp glint of N'Jadaka's gold teeth warned of bloodshed. Yani slid a soft touch onto Mubiri's silk sleeve. Wakanda's king glanced at her and the eyes watching her held others in his gaze. She arrived in a nick of time.
The tension in Mubiri's arm liquefied under her hand. She curled her fingers around the snarling wolf and pulled him away from N'Jadaka.
"President Mubiri, I do believe you asked for a dance earlier."
With her free hand, Yani dismissed her Ladies as Mubiri conceded her lead and followed her steps toward the dance floor. The orchestra played a wonderfully playful song that didn't require a lot of movement, so they swayed to the sounds keeping the proper bodily distance that prevented them from being pressed together, but close enough to speak privately.
"Have you been enjoying the ball?" Yani asked.
"More so now that we get to share a dance, princess. Wakanda is a wonder of the modern world—"
"You hate us."
Her words lingered in the air and Mubiri chuckled under his breath.
"My ire is not with you, Princess Yani, nor the Wakandan people at large. Your ruling family has never been fair to Mohannda nor Niganda."
"Correct me if I am wrong, President Mubiri, but your country signed treaties with Wakanda a long time ago and then broke them over and over again for centuries. How can you expect our people to trust you when you stab us in the back all the time?"
Mubiri's eyes narrowed and his hand on her back jammed harder into her fancy corset.
"Women shouldn't speak on politics. It is not becoming."
"I'm not just any woman. I am the king's consort. Threats against the royal family mean that your hate is directed at my children. N'Jadaka and I share three beautiful heirs."
Yani ran her left hand away from Mubiri's elbow and inched her index and middle finger up along his arm towards his neck, tracing the sharp points of her finger armor onto his visible skin. She pushed the points of the armor into the soft flesh that protected his carotid artery.
"King N'Jadaka's grandmother gave me these beautiful pieces of finger jewelry. Did you know that in ancient times, Wakandan queens wore poison-tipped claws on every finger? If they were ever captured or kidnapped, they could puncture the skin of their enemy and kill them within ten seconds without anyone knowing what happened. Blink, and yuh dead. This set I have on belonged to Queen Tiye, the first queen of Wakanda. Queen Mother said there's still poison inside these tips. There's a teeny, tiny triggering mechanism that works on how much pressure I apply…see how I have them jabbed in your throat? One slight move and a deadly liquid, like snake venom, could be released into your vein and stop your heart from beating."
Mubiri swallowed, and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. His body became stiff and his breath shallow. Yani gave him a wide smile.
"I know men like to act all tough with one another, but hear mi man, I tell yuh this one time. Yuh come for mi king and I will come fuh you. Understand?"
"This is not right. You physically threaten a president in public?" Mubiri sputtered.
His lips turned into a snarl as irritation poured across his facial expression.
"Threaten mi blood and I will burn your whole country down. Don't test we…got it? It's better to get that message from me all quiet and polite rather than losing your life in a nasty way in front of all of these people by his hand."
A gleam spread in Mubiri's eyes. Whatever sourness had been there switched into something like secret laudation.
"Charming…beautiful…deadly," Mubiri uttered with a stronger breath.
He pulled her deadly fingers away from his neck, careful not to get poked by accident.
"If your betrothal doesn't work out Princess Yani, look me up. I could use a second wife like you."
"I don't walk behind my husband."
"I would have you in front of me… a tigress leading me."
"I belong to the Panther Tribe and to that king over there," Yani said, glancing over at N'Jadaka who regarded her with serious interest.
Mubiri cradled her hand and lowered his face to kiss the fragrant skin above her knuckles. His lips lingered a little too long and when he released her hand, his eyes shined with arousal.
"I should like to have had you scratch me with one of those claws, just to experience your wrath. Another time then, hmmm? King N'Jadaka is a lucky man indeed. I look forward to seeing you crowned their queen. You are quite a jewel in their treasure trove."
Yani wiped the back of her hand on her dress and sought out the company of the Council of Elders as she made her rounds again to greet honored guests at their tables. Mubiri stayed away from N'Jadaka and mingled with other presidents.
"W'happen?" Twyla asked once they were away from the dance floor.
Yani took deep breaths to control the anger that rested in her belly. No matter where they were in the world, men would always try to gain access to women for their own use.
"I let that man know that I would kill him if he threatened my family again," Yani said.
"He threatened you?" Marisol said, slamming down her glass of champagne.
Yani pulled Marisol back from throwing hands on her behalf. Zola and Ilana stared at her flabbergasted. Flashing her finger armor at them, gesturing for them to move in closer, all the women circled around to keep prying eyes and ears away.
"The Mohanndans and the Nigandans aren't hiding their hands at all. I told President Mubiri I would burn his country down myself if him harm the royal family."
Twyla covered her mouth to stifle a giggle.
Ilana shook her head in a daze.
"The Mohanndans are very sexist and mean. They treat their women like we are still in the stone age. Princess Yani, this will harm your pristine reputation with those people. He could use your threat as grounds for more aggression," Ilana said.
"That wasteman told me he would marry me if N'Jadaka doesn't. I don't think he's worried about ruining my reputation… more like enhancing his. He's an ass."
"What will you tell the king?" Zola asked.
Ilana and Zola had stress lines on their foreheads and chewed on their lips that were twisted up in concern.
"I will say nothing here unless he asks," Yani said.
"What do we do now?" Marisol asked.
"For now, I'll continue to socialize. But all of you keep your guard up. I have a feeling Mubiri and others are checking for new allies here who are against N'Jadaka's rule."
Yani studied the ballroom layout and took note of the groupings of countries based on regions and common interests. She squared her shoulders.
"Come, I think it's time I let Niganda know what I'm about," Yani said.
She snatched a glass of champagne from a passing attendant and swept her way over to the First Lady of Niganda.
"Madame First Lady Rakotomalala," Yani said, offering her hand, "I am sorry that the receiving line cut our time short to speak."
"Please, call me Onde."
Onde's smile was warm, friendly, and much too open for Yani to trust right away as being sincere. However, there were many men she had met at the ball who had wives opposite them in personality and politics.
"I saw you dancing with President Mubiri. Quite a character, isn't he?" Onde said.
"He is."
Yani glanced over toward N'Jadaka. T'Challa had left his side and he stood flanked by Baba Z and an older crowd of men from South Africa.
Onde wasn't shy with her stares. At least sixty years of age, and quite the looker still with her elegant stature and flamboyant sea foam green ballgown, Niganda's first lady exuded power and prestige.
"You are so young. I think you may be one of the youngest queens of any monarchy still left around the world," Onde said.
She held out her glass of bubbly to Yani's glass and they clinked them together. After sipping and sniffing around each other, Onde stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Yani and watched the dancing and other activity in the giant room.
"How are the other wives treating you?" Onde asked.
"They treat me well."
"Good. You are the talk of the entire ball. King N'Jadaka is quite the topic of conversation too, but you my dear… I do not envy the position you are in. Everyone here, even the Wakandans, chatter on about what kind of queen you will be. You seem quite popular with the younger crowd."
"And the older?"
"Still feeling you out because of your youth."
"What do you think of me?"
"Not sure. I have read up on you. Your background is so interesting. I like what I have learned and I am excited to see what King N'Jadaka's reign will be like for my country."
"I like how people here don't pretend with fake conversations. You all say what's on your mind."
"The King of Wakanda has made that possible. He doesn't play with his words, so no one else should either…"
Onde turned to greet Vivienne who snuck up on them from the rear.
"Onde, darling!"
Vivienne gave Onde air kisses and planted herself in the center of their group.
"This has been one of the best events I've been to on the continent since…maybe President Jabavu's coronation three years ago," Vivienne enthused.
Onde laughed and waved her hand at the memory.
"I drank too much and my husband vowed to never allow me out again, all the dancing we did hurt his feet. I had too much fun," Onde said.
"Have you danced since you've been here?" Vivienne said.
"I will later. The music is wonderful, but I want to enjoy all the sights inside this ballroom. It is exquisite. The architecture is so unusual. I loved the tour of the royal paintings, and that palace garden is to die for…"
A server walked past carrying a large tray of finger foods. Onde's eyes followed the tray and Yani giggled. Onde glanced at her, grinning at being caught salivating. Yani waved the server back over to them. Onde picked up a small, savory beef patty that Yani added to the ball menu. All the women did the same. Snacking together made Onde relax and they all chatted for a full twenty minutes before President Rakotomalala sauntered over with piercing eyes to retrieve his wife. Onde stuffed another beef patty in her mouth and licked her fingers. She touched her husband's shoulder and turned to Yani.
"Princess Yani has been a lovely hostess. I've learned so much. I think we should have her as a special guest for the Melon Festival," Onde said, touching Yani's arm.
The idea didn't please Rakotomalala. His burly frame and hard mahogany face didn't hide his distaste. Onde ignored the chilly reception.
"Men, I swear, they act like they can't set aside differences. This is why there should be more women running things in the world," Onde quipped.
"King N'Jadaka says that all the time," Yani said with pride.
"Smart man. We need more like him," Onde said.
"Thank you for your invitation to visit Niganda. I have never been to a Melon Festival before…it sounds like a lot of fun," Yani said.
"Oh, you will love it! We have so many varieties and…malala, what is it?" Onde said, staring at her husband.
"There are some people I want you to meet. Please excuse us," Rakotomalala said, whisking his wife away.
Vivienne snickered.
"Well done, Princess Yani. That is the most I've heard that woman speak in ages," Vivienne said.
"She is actually quite nice. With all of the bad blood between our nations right now, I'm surprised she would be that inviting," Yani said.
"Well, you are quite engaging. I'm glad that we can speak without an interpreter."
Yani grinned.
"I like how you move. You have a knack for making friends quickly. I should hope that could happen for us," Vivienne said.
Vivienne looked out upon the crowd.
"It's not easy coming into a world like this. I was told that you come from a humble background, but you are very skillful in navigating the unknown."
"I have plenty of experience working around all kinds of people. Even dangerous ones," Yani said.
"I see. Believe it or not, Onde is a shark, and you handled her like a pro. The Nigandans pretend to hide in the shadows of Mohannda… just like Cannan and Azania. Women in these parts are always the hidden hand propping up their husbands. It's why they fear your country."
"Yeah?"
"You are the new wild card. An unknown quantity. At least with Queen Ramonda and Queen Niyilolawa, African leaders knew where Wakanda stood. Now that we know what you really are, nothing is the same. I've been dipping around getting all the dirt in here. These people are rattled by you and N'Jadaka."
"You knew him as Erik."
"I did."
Yani's Ladies-in-Waiting stepped away as the princess took over an empty table near an ancient sculpture of Sekmet.
"He's so grown up now," Vivienne said.
She sighed and looked Yani in the face.
"When I first met him in my country, I suspected he was royalty. We hung out for a weekend with Tony Stark and I introduced him to my friends. God, he was so young and green compared to now!"
Vivienne laughed and tapped her fingernails on the table.
"Tony Stark thought highly of him. I always wondered what happened to N'Jadaka. Never knew he was related to T'Challa. Crazy times. I thought at one point that I would marry T'Challa and become the queen of Wakanda, but back then, my parents did not want me to be the queen of goat herders. Fate played a cruel trick when we broke up. How are Nakia and their new baby?"
"Do you know her?" Yani said cautiously.
"We were frenemies…no, that's a lie. She never liked me and I ignored her. T'Challa always thought I hated her, but she was just standoffish. Probably jealous. King T'Chaka respected me, but he never wanted me for his son. Ramonda was indifferent and I promise you, that was worse."
Vivienne gestured for a server to hand her a glass of wine.
"It's hard being an outsider in the motherland," Vivienne said.
She drank deeply and wiped under her lip when a bit of red wine trailed down. Yani noticed throughout the evening that Vivienne drank a lot.
"My mother comes from old royal birth lines in Senegal. She's Wolof. Highly educated and a visionary for her time. She married a foreigner and became thrust into a new monarchy. My family wanted me to marry a European with influence, but I wanted to come back to Africa…reverse the migration and come back to my roots. Unfortunately, I am considered a "toubab", a white person. The Alex Haley thing didn't work for me exactly."
"How did you meet your husband?"
"I returned home from Senegal and took a trip to London. T'Challa and I broke up while he was in school there, and ironically, he introduced me to his classmate at the London School of Economics. We hit it off and a few years later, I have three children and became the First Lady of Ghana. A happily ever after."
"Is it weird being with someone that your ex hooked you up with?"
"No. By the time we broke up, I was finally over the Prince of Wakanda."
Her eyes lit up and Yani turned her head.
N'Jadaka approached the table and sat down next to Yani.
"Did you come to see what secrets I may be spilling about your time with Tony?" Vivienne said.
N'Jadaka waved over a server and picked up a small glass of plum liquor.
"Nah, just needed a break," N'Jadaka said.
Yani touched his face. Already she could tell that the ball was draining him. He could go for several hours around a large crowd, but then he became antsy to leave and be on his own. N'Jadaka kissed her hand and glanced over at Vivienne.
"It's good seeing you again," he said.
"Same."
Vivienne looked around the ballroom.
"Where is T'Challa?" Vivienne asked.
"I sent him home to be with his new baby."
"He and Nakia must be so proud."
"They are. I hear you have three rambunctious ones at home. Your husband showed me pictures," N'Jadaka said.
"They are amazing and I wouldn't change one wild hair on their heads. What about you?"
N'Jadaka tapped his kimoyo and a recent picture of Sweet Pea, Dumplin, and Sunshine popped up.
"Look at that!" Vivienne said with delight.
"You still running through people's pockets with your poker hands?" N'Jadaka asked.
Vivienne chortled and pointed at him.
"You kind sir were the Oakland card shark. Did he ever tell you how he won four million on one poker game with my uncle in Monaco?"
"No," Yani said.
"He beat me out of half a million and used it to bankroll his next hand against three royal heirs. Then he played against a Saudi king and walked away with a cool twenty million. The palace still talks about that night and my uncle dreams of playing you again. How much of that money did you spend?"
"Gave a lot of it away to family and charities," N'Jadaka said. "The bulk of it I put into a trust for my grandfather overseen by my Uncle Bakari."
Vivienne's face turned stern. Yani gazed across their table and caught Madame Ony, First Lady Mubiri, First Lady Rakotomalala, and a few other women from Canaan and Azania moving as one unit toward a table filled with women outsiders.
N'Jadaka peeped the gathering of the herd. Vivienne leaned forward.
"Erik, you must move with stealth around these people. My husband and I support you one hundred percent because we see the vision you promote. But Ghana is just one unwavering ally for you," Vivienne said.
President Tetteh cruised by the table as a jazzy tune filled the air. He scooped up Vivienne to dance. Before she became a speck on the dance floor, she glanced back at Yani.
"Princess Yani, stay true to yourself. You have what it takes to influence the hidden hands."
N'Jadaka scooted his chair closer to her and his Doras blocked access to them.
"What did she mean by that?" he asked.
"She knows I can handle myself around all of these people."
They held hands.
"Are you tired, love?" Yani asked.
He nodded.
"Let's do one more cruise around the room and then I'll call it a night," he said.
Standing together, he held out his arm and she wrapped her hand around it. Their Ladies-in-Waiting followed in step. Zola and Ilana lifted her train as they zigzagged through tables and bid goodnight to nobles and guests. The surge of energy directed at N'Jadaka forced Yani to observe everyone with a keen eye of discernment. There were so many varying emotions on their eager faces.
Envy. Jealousy. Desire. Attraction. Curiosity. Apprehension. Lust. Wonder. Fear. Admiration.
N'Jadaka was a rock star in their midst and the people surrounding them gave her the same questionable looks. She matched the king's pace and concentrated on her queen's march with her steps to mirror his confidence. The world was his stage and Yani finally experienced up close what he was up against whenever he left Wakanda. If Africans throughout the continent were wary of him, that feeling had to be denser among non-African nations facing an unprecedented shift in global power.
President Tetteh and Vivienne met them at the bottom of the staircase that led back up to the bridge connecting the west palace to the east. Vivienne gave Yani a hug first before N'Jadaka leaned in to do the same. It was a visible sign of support. Yani knew Vivienne was smart enough to use the optics to her advantage. Ghana was in full solidarity with Wakanda.
They faced the audience one final time.
Everyone seated stood up out of respect as the royal march was played by the orchestra. N'Jadaka waved to his grandparents and then waved to the Council of Elders and nobles. They were a sight walking back up the stairs with Yani's long train scaling the steps in a theatrical display of high fashion. Reaching the top, they faced their guests one last time and N'Jadaka held her hand tight, showing the crowd that they were united as equals.
Out in the fresh air, Yani breathed in deeply, pleased that she had done her part at the ball well. At the elevators that would whisk them up to their home, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, kissing her passionately in front of their entourage.
"You showed the fuck out. When I tell you those people had no idea who they were dealing with!" N'Jadaka gushed.
Yani turned and bid goodnight to Marisol and Twyla who were escorted by Doras to be shuttled home on the Royal Scorpion Fighter. Riding upstairs it seemed like the king's energy flowed back into him as he shared bits of conversations.
"What the hell did you say to Mubiri because that nigga didn't bother me the rest of the night!"
Their Doras and Ladies were the only ones on the elevator with them.
"I put him in his place."
N'Jadaka looked deep into her eyes.
"Word got back to me that you scared him."
"I did."
N'Jadaka leaned up against the elevator wall with his mouth parted.
"How?"
Yani held up her armored fingers.
"Here I was thinking you were just trying to calm the situation by taking him away."
He touched the side of her face with the back of his hand.
"Yani, you don't ever have to fight. I got us."
"I just underlined whatever you told him, that's all," she said with a smirk.
"Queen moves."
"Of course. My king is the most important man in the whole world."
Yani danced around the elevator, snapping her fingers and rolling her hips all around him. Zola and Ilana clapped their hands and the Doras pretended not to be impressed. Stepping out into the spacious hall of their floor, Noxolo and Aneka stood guard at the front entrance, relieving the ballroom Doras.
Aneka opened the door for them and Zola removed the finger armor from her hands along with her lace hood covering. Yani sent her Ladies away to prepare her bath and evening ritual.
"Baba! Mama!"
Sydette ran to them in her yellow nightgown and Riki stayed on her heels greeting them.
"You two are supposed to be asleep. It is way past your bedtime!" Yani scolded lightheartedly.
"But you promised we could see you if we stayed awake. We never got to see your pretty dress, Mama!" Sydette whined.
Their night nanny, Kora, stood nearby watching.
"We'll take them up, Kora. Thank you for getting up so late with them. Could you let Dakarai know in the morning that the king and I will be up late tomorrow? I won't need her until after two. She can use the free time to relax," Yani said.
"Goodnight Princess Yani," Kora said.
Yani spun around so Sydette and Riki could see all of the gown. She reached out to N'Jadaka to have him do the same, but she paused. He stood staring down at their children.
"Everything alright?" Yani asked.
N'Jadaka angled his head as Sydette and Riki touched her dress and lifted her train, hiding under it.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"This is the first time you and I have come home together as a couple… to be with our kids. It's like how I imagined, y'know? We go out for a good time and come home to our family."
"Can I see your mask, Mama?" Sydette asked.
Yani pulled it off and handed it to her. Both children took turns putting it on their faces before stopping to look up at their parents.
"Back to bed," N'Jadaka said.
He bent down and lifted both children up. Yani followed him to the in-home elevator that took them to the second floor, avoiding more tiring steps. Giving Sydette plenty of kisses from them both, N'Jadaka put her to bed, and then they walked to Riki's room and lowered his nightlight brightness. More kisses were given and the tired king walked Yani to her wing on the same floor. Zola had warm water and scented oils waiting for her out on her balcony bathtub. The heating lamps and balcony glare cover were on, and Ilana stood near the vanity mirror to collect the rest of Yani's clothing and clean off her makeup.
"Give me a little time and I'll be up to see you," Yani said.
"I'll come down to you. I want to sleep in your bed," he said.
Ilana lowered her head and averted eye contact after hearing the king would be coming down to the queen's bedchamber.
"Okay," Yani said.
"Nice job tonight Ladies. I liked how you took care of my queen," N'Jadaka said.
He left the room and Ilana checked the bed to make sure it had plenty of pillows for the king. Zola zipped in carrying warm body oils and lubricants, placing them on Yani's nightstands in reach of the bed.
"What would you like to wear for the king tonight?" Ilana asked, holding up a comm tab with images of lingerie and body jewelry.
"The king is exhausted…hmm…maybe that one…no…I want him to see a softer color. Yeah, the lavender and the full-body chain. In case he wants me. The one with the leash in the back," Yani said.
Ilana quirked her lips at the choice of a body chain. It was a seductive piece of jewelry that rested around her neck and draped across her breasts, hips, and thighs, very subtle, but the leash hinted at bondage play and choking.
Zola showed Yani a soft color palette in case she wanted some lip gloss and light makeup. Yani picked a light pink shimmer gloss, eyeliner, and blush. Ilana assisted in removing the corset gown, heels, and underwear. Yani slipped on a luxury robe and sat down in front of the prominent vanity mirror across the room where her make-up was slowly taken off and her skin hydrated with pre-bath botanicals.
"Princess Yani, you were sensational tonight," Zola gushed.
Ilana nodded her head in agreement as she rubbed Yani's scalp with hair gel removal.
"King N'Jadaka has made the other leaders aware of how firm he is in his place on the continent. You must be so pleased with everything that happened," Ilana said.
"We made a great impression," Yani said.
"I thought the king would be upset when he found out about what you said to President Mubiri. My heart was beating so fast!" Zola said with giddy abandon.
"I always speak my mind. King N'Jadaka is used to it," Yani said.
Yani stood up and looked at Ilana.
"Prepare the king's favorite nightcap and have his morning bedclothes ready on the chaise. Dust the pillows with lavender and a hint of jasmine," Yani said.
She padded out to the balcony and let moonlight bathe her skin first before Zola pulled off her robe and helped her into the large standing tub.
"Oh, God, this is perfect," Yani purred.
She dunked her head under the water and Zola adjusted the bathing neck pillow so Yani could soak comfortably.
Left alone on the balcony, she closed her eyes and listened to the gentle footsteps of her Ladies preparing the bedroom for the king's arrival. She didn't spend too much time soaking, just washed away the vestiges of the ballroom success down the drain.
Zola held out a fluffy towel for Yani as she carefully climbed out of the tub. She could've easily taken care of her grooming herself, but the perks of having Ladies-in-Waiting were not lost on her. It was pampering and catering at the highest level and she reveled in it.
She walked into a full body dryer that pulled the water off of her and then she headed back to the vanity where she was slathered with body butters, lipgloss, and a light hair oil to control the curls growing longer at the front of her scalp. Stepping into the body chain, she made sure her waist beads still moved easily. Her nudity didn't faze any of the women, their eyes concentrated on making sure she was perfect to please the king. Compliments from him were like gold, and they fed off of it with ravenous expectation. A happy king meant a happy queen. A happy queen meant their status was secure to be in her good graces.
Yani thought about the evening more. Wakanda had become the center of the world and in order for the other African nations to have roses in their future, they had to mind the thorn that was King N'Jadaka.
Ilana smoothed back a few baby hairs on Yani's forehead and the lights in the room flashed a faint lilac color, it warning them that the king was on his way. She slipped on a different ankle-length cover-up and picked out some anklets and toe rings for extra pizzazz.
Zola jumped up and held the tray that contained the king's cocktail, and Ilana stood next to her with hands folded waiting for requests. Yani positioned herself to greet him the moment he walked in.
"Kumkani," Yani said.
N'Jadaka kissed her forehead and Zola offered the drink to him.
"Thank you, Zola," he said.
He sipped and Yani held his free hand, escorting him further into her bedchamber. His scent was the fresh handmade soap he liked from Birnin Bashenga. His bedclothes were loose cotton cream pajama bottoms and a billowy v-neck drop shoulder shirt of the same color. She offered him a seat on a cyan-blue double high-back chair. He took it. Yani nodded for Ilana and Zola to pull up footstools near his feet. They did so and pulled off his slippers, beginning the careful massaging of his feet. N'Jadaka pressed his back further into the chair and closed his eyes. Yani carried away his empty glass and placed it on her dresser. She took a seat next to the king and Zola offered to rub her feet too. Yani declined, wanting all the attention to be on him. She unloosened his hair and combed her fingers through the locs. He leaned over and kissed her. His full lips devoured hers and he ignored the other women, not caring if they saw him slip his tongue in Yani's mouth. He needed her. He rested a hand on her waist and nuzzled his mouth against her neck. She glanced down at Zola and Ilana and they kept rubbing the king's feet, ignoring their affection for one another as they had been taught. She had asked them to do a traditional reception for a Wakandan king, and part of that was doing anything the queen asked.
Her lower parts came to life as he continued kissing her neck and gripping her waist tighter, pulling her in closer. When he let out a low moan at having her to himself, Yani lifted up from the seat and stepped away to face him. He rested palms on either side of the chair and his prominent erection was visible to everyone in his pajama bottoms.
Yani swallowed hard, her nerves racing. The women stood up and uncovered Yani for the king.
"Damn, baby," he muttered under his breath.
His dick jumped. So did her clit. Their gazes lingered on one another. His eyes dropped down to look at her folds and piercings. He became bold in front of her attendants and rubbed on his dick. Yani didn't know how much further she could go. The exhibitionist in her liked being watched by others, but the next steps in traditional old-style service that the women were equipped to do still seemed too much.
N'Jadaka was very aware of what was happening. He had been trained too and knew what came next and he had a playful glimmer of mirth in his eyes wanting to know how far she would go with it. A challenge rested in his gaze.
He stood and his height arched above them all like a rising sun. Ilana and Zola waited quietly with their hands folded in front of them.
"Undress me," N'Jadaka commanded.
Yani thought she would stop them so she could do it herself in private, but a part of her deep down wanted them to see what rested beneath the bedclothes. His dick pointed toward her and both women would have to maneuver his pajama bottoms over the girth. Her heartbeat sped up. Her pussy became wetter.
Zola and Ilana untied the cloth ties on the king's shirt and pulled away the top. He slid his arms out of the sleeves and Ilana folded the shirt and placed it over the armrest of the chair. Holding his arms out to his sides, N'Jadaka kept direct eye contact with Yani while the women unfastened the ties on his pajama bottoms. They pulled the waistband out over his dick and it bobbed in front of them as they lowered the pants. He stepped out of each leg hole, and Zola folded the pants and handed them to Ilana, who piled them on top of the shirt. They lowered their heads for more instructions, but they couldn't unsee the god body in front of them.
"Leave us," Yani said.
Zola and Ilana held up their hands to them and slinked out of the bedroom. N'Jadaka burst out laughing then.
"Baby, the stress on your face," N'Jadaka teased.
He gathered her up in his arms and she hid her face against his chest, embarrassed that he could read her so well.
"Ain't no way you could handle them fluffing up my dick for you," he said.
"Tonight was a big deal, I wanted to give you the full king treatment back home," she sighed into his chest.
They kissed, their tongues dancing a secret code that made them both groan. His hand dragged down to her vulva and when he fingered her folds, he pulled back from her.
"Damn, Yani. This pussy is soaked. That shit got you really excited."
His eyes looked serious as he gently held her face.
"It turned you on, didn't it?" he asked.
His voice lacked teasing, and the subdued tone only gave curiosity.
"Tell me what you liked about it, baby," he said.
He sat down on the double chair again and pulled her next to him. Their thighs touched and he put an arm around her.
"Tell me," he asked again.
She rested her cheek against his chest. There was no way she would tell him that watching sex vids of him with other women aroused her beyond belief. Yani still grappled with that knowledge about herself. The fantasy of it was a safe place, but turmoil rumbled in her midsection while she watched it in person, even if was just them pulling his clothes off and seeing his big dick and witnessing his pre-cum pooling on his tip. Her pussy clenched then. Simply thinking about it ignited her pleasure. Yani stuck to the present.
"I like that they get to see how good your dick looks. While they pulled your pants off, they touched it a little. Got to feel how hot it is…got to see how thick."
Her breath heated his skin with desire. His dick grew harder and he stood it up for her.
"You wanted them to touch it, huh? Stroke it for you?" he said.
"No…yeah…I don't know why I get wet. I don't want you with anyone else in real life…but I wanted them to do the rest of the ritual like the old days."
She reached for his dick and slowly fisted it for him. He kissed her again then stopped as his dick became slick with pre-cum.
"If you want to try and go further, explore your fantasy or comfort levels with something new… we can do that. I'm not saying that because I want to fuck them, but I want you to be happy. You're all I need Yani…"
He smothered her lips again and she twisted her thumb and index finger under the head of his dick, the mushroom cap spilling clear fluid all over her fingers. His fingers played with her pussy and her head fell back.
"You wanted to watch them oil me down…huh?"
He whispered in her ear. Yani whimpered and nodded.
"Did you want them to suck my dick too?'
She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the denial wrestling in her mind.
"What did you imagine, baby?"
His tongue licked her breasts and his fingers plucked at her nipples. She was supposed to be pleasing him, showing him how much she appreciated the pressure he was under by facing nations in opposition to him. Instead, he was trying to give her the safety of exploring her imagination with him.
His touches made her skin burn with need. He rested his lips near her ear and dipped two gentle fingers in and out of her pussy with occasional rubs on her clit.
"I want to see them suck your dick… on their knees. Licking each side," she said.
He hummed in her ear and slowed down his fingers until she began panting.
"Then what?" he crooned, his voice raspy and all sexy.
She squeezed his length and started stroking it faster.
"I wanna watch you look at me while I play with my pussy…and Lola and Ilana suck yuh good and slow at the same time…and you watch me cum…and then…and then… Killmonger…yuh cum all over their faces!"
Her release clenched around his fingers and she bucked her hips wildly.
"You got Daddy's dick spittin', baby! Look at my dick!" N'Jadaka shouted.
Her orgasm continued working his digits, and she looked at his fat erection spurting cum all over the carpet. They shuddered against one another as aftershocks spiked their hot bodies.
"Fuck…you were feeling that Yani," he said.
He lifted her up in his arms like he was cradling a bride and carried her to the bed. Placing her on her back, he fingered the body chain and tugged on the leash, testing its strength. He pushed her thighs back and jerked off above her before crawling between her legs, lining up the head of his dick with her opening.
"Cumming on their faces gets you off good," he said.
He pushed into her pussy stretching her walls and grabbing onto her heavy thighs.
"You know what my fantasy is?" he said.
She shook her head, her lips pursed from the intense fullness he always put inside of her.
"I want Zola and Ilana to watch me fuck you hard. I want them to see how their king fucks his woman and fills up her pretty wet pussy with so much cum…"
He lowered his head so that he could kiss her lovingly.
"They liked seeing my dick and they will work their asses off to see it again if you let them. I bet you that they'll go to their rooms in the lower suite and play with their pussies, thinking about sucking on my balls and getting this dick to stretch them out too. But this is all yours Yani… yours to do whatever you want with it. I'll nut all over their faces if you want… if that pleases you, baby. They can oil my dick, and suck on it for as long as you want them to, but I'll only cum when you want."
Yani groaned thinking about the women sucking him off as he fucked her deep. The vestiges of shame that she carried thinking those forbidden thoughts burned away with every thrust he gave her until she was clutching and clawing his back, screaming out "Killmonger!" over and over as she exploded all over his dick.
"Help Daddy put this cum on their faces for you Yani!" he yelled.
He spilled into her, moaning her name into the shell of her ear. Strong throbs from his dick laid her out, and they panted together, trying to gain control of their ragged breathing.
N'Jadaka gazed into her eyes with so much love.
"I want this all the time, Yani. You and me coming home together every night. Being with our kids. Tucking them in at night together. Tonight, you showed me how we'll rule together. You have qualities that you have honed for years that a queen needs today. You can handle ruthless people… like you did at the compound. You can host and make people feel welcome, just like you did at your old restaurant. Plus, you know how to convey knowledge and information to people just like you did at Eco-Tours. You're intelligent. Graceful. Calm under pressure. We fit, girl. Do you hear me?"
"Yes."
He nibbled on her ear, then sucked on her nipples before rolling over and holding her hand.
"In the future, I always want you to call me Killmonger in bed when we're fucking. That shit made me cum hard."
Yani giggled and he gave her dimples.
He slinked a hand behind her neck and tugged on the gold bondage leash.
"Turn on your side," he said.
"You were so tired earlier," she teased.
"Got my second wind with you."
He reached across her and grabbed a fresh bottle of lube. She helped open it and prepared her anal cavity for his dick. He grunted when he entered her, taking his time to get rooted in her ass before he pulled on the leash. Yani clawed the bed and took his anal fucking like a good girl. His moans and groans made her clit tap out and her guttural shouts of "Killmonger" heightened everything for N'Jadaka until he hunched over her back and hollered out his third orgasm. Freshly lubricated with his warm semen, he kept fucking her in the ass and begged for her to call him the nickname that terrorized the mercenary world.
They became free in the arms of one another inside the safety of their shared palace home, with their children sleeping peacefully in a far-off wing. The world outside was kept at bay with the smacking of hot, wet, flesh, fantasies shared, and a king loving his queen into submission as he twisted a thin gold leash around his fist.
Yani would have it no other way, and that pleased N'Jadaka.
A.N.:
There will be one more final chapter!
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May I get some headcanons of any of the Noah's Ark Circus crew with an s/o who has kids from a previous relationship/marriage? Any of your choice is fine.
oooooo my heart!
I decided on Freckles, Peter, and Snake for this one~ :D
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… Oh, God, she’s got built-in children!! Just when she thought this relationship couldn’t get any better, they introduce her to these tiny humans? She really couldn’t be happier about this. She’s always, always known she’s wanted children, but she’s gone back and forth about whether or not she wants to actually get pregnant herself. As far as she’s concerned, this is the perfect situation.
Obviously, she pretty much adopts them as her own even if she can’t do so ‘officially’. If the other parent isn’t in the children’s lives, she becomes either their new mum or dad. (She’s really not too fussed about what they want to call her. She goes between genders anyway, so whether they want to call her Mum or Dad, she doesn’t really care.) If the other parent is still in the children’s lives, no big deal; she just becomes like a third parent and rather than Mum or Dad, they can just say, “This is my… Doll! She’s like Mum or Dad, but I have Mum and Dad already, so she’s my Doll!”
Is she allowed to just act like a big kid along with them?? She might be the technical ‘favorite’ simply because she’s always goofing off with the little ones. She plays games with them, she always has sweets — though she makes sure not to go behind her S/O’s back if they’ve already said no sweets — and she just smiles with them so much. It’s less that she wants to be a child again, and more that she just wants them all to be… happy. Children shouldn’t have any worries like she and her family had when they were young. She’s determined to make sure these kids get to be kids. If that means she ‘has’ to run around with them… she’s not complaining.
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It’s… fine? His reaction initially maybe isn’t the healthiest, as he’s kind of irritated at the reminder that his S/O… had relationships before him. In some small part of himself, he’s always wanted to be someone’s only love. The idea that his precious loved someone before him enough to have children with them is like a wound in his mind that he keeps picking at, making it mean more than it does. He’s terrified that someone his S/O has had children with is someone they love so much they might ‘go back’ to that person and leave him alone.
He kind of keeps his distance at first, mainly because he’s afraid to get attached to the children if (Name) might leave him. “Ain’t I already lost enough?” he might grumble if asked about it. “If I start lovin’ ‘em, ‘n’ then y’ decide y’ don’t wanna be with me anymore…” After all, his S/O left someone else they loved, right? That’s shut down pretty quickly, even though he can’t fully shake it, but also… the kids! Depending on how old they are, they might mistake him for a child too, because he kind of looks like one! And he’ll grumble even more about that! If he’s going to play papa, he needs to have the authority!!
As long as the children are old enough to handle it, he might take them up on the trapezes with him and Wendy. They’ve got a loving auntie in her, and, well, despite it being his job, there’s actually something about the trapezes that Peter likes. It makes him feel free and focused all at the same time. It also feels sort of like flying, which is something a child would love, right? He doesn’t take them up too high, of course. By the time he’s come back down to the ground with them, he’s laughing and hugging them, and it’s just… nice. It’s the first moment that it hits him he’s very happy to have the kids in his life, and grateful to have such a wonderful family. He hasn’t smiled or laughed like that in years.
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Is his S/O… sure this is a… good idea?? They’d better be, because he certainly isn’t. Actually, he’s incredibly worried at first. Not only do most children not know how to be gentle with animals simply because they haven’t been taught, his snakes also have not been around enough little ones to realize they’re more fragile than adults. Everyone needs some practice, a bit more exposure to each other. That’s assuming the kids aren’t afraid of snakes. That would probably break his heart. Luckily, they’re still children, so there’s time to carefully coax them out of that fear, and he’s willing to supervise interactions if his S/O thinks that would be okay. (Even if they’re not afraid, he’s supervising. Snakes are animals, and animals around children can be dangerous.)
As long as he doesn’t happen to have one of the venomous serpents hanging off of him, he’ll gladly hold the children for a while if they want to be held. He’s anxious about it for one reason — being that he’s never been around children before. He doesn’t know how best to hold them, or what to do if they start squirming and/or wailing, or that he should have snacks on hand if they suddenly complain they’re hungry whilst he’s holding them. Still, there’s a part of him which is undeniably snake, and he himself doesn’t have venom… so he’s probably more akin to a constrictor. Which means he gives great hugs and, for him personally, means he likes physical contact even if he’s not used to it. Once he adjusts, watching him carrying one of the children (or, heaven forbid, two at a time), you’d never know he wasn’t a natural.
His S/O can laugh at him if they want; he lets the snakes ‘read’ bedtime stories and ‘sing’ lullabies to the kids. That is to say, he will have one or two of the snakes around his shoulders as he tucks the little ones into bed, and he’ll say, “Wilde and Keats are going to tell you a bedtime story tonight,” or, “Emily is going to sing you a lullaby, alright?” And then he will… proceed to either tell a story using the snakes’ voices, alternating who’s narrating, or sing a lullaby in that snake’s voice. The children seem to like it, and… well… it sort of makes him happy. His friends are included in something which is very relaxing, which means less fear of the snakes. Plus, although he’s horribly insecure about it, he has an absolutely stunning singing voice. One can hear his tone even through a voice he does for any snake when he sings. Toward the end of a song, his real voice will bleed into the voice he’s putting on for a snake. If his S/O were to walk in on that, listening to him singing a gentle lullaby in that soft, dulcet singing voice he has… he’ll never stop blushing. Nor will he hear the end of requests for him to sing as himself. At least it never fails to put the little ones to sleep. It’s never clearer than during those moments that he will do anything for these children.
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callsign-magnolia · 2 years ago
Text
I Hope You Dance // Ch. 39
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MATURE CONTENT (18+)
A/N: This is cross posted to my Wattpad, so if this seems familiar that is why!
TW: Mental abuse, emotional abuse, slight physical abuse, death and loss.
Description: When Caila meets Rooster, sparks fly. But, she's already married, to a man who she thought loved her, and won't let her go. Rooster will fight for her, he just has to convince Caila to fight for herself.
Word Count: 8.1k
Chapter 38 | Masterlist
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you could be doing today? You know, anything for the Hard Deck, maybe hanging out with Mav?” I asked Penny as she flitted through the never-ending rows of white dresses. “Pete is out at the hangar today, and everything is caught up at the bar. So no, and there is nothing I’d rather be doing.” I sighed, looking at the different shades of white, cream, ivory, eggshell. It was all so much, and I didn’t even know where to start. “What were you going to wear for your wedding to Aaron?” I was taken aback by her question, not expecting it. “Um, it wasn’t really what I wanted but it was form fitting, long lace sleeves, and it had a high neck. I felt like I was suffocating in it.” I said as I turned to her. “Then why get it?” I shrugged my shoulders, stepping up next to her. “I didn’t. His mother bought it, and we tried telling her no, but she said if I didn’t wear it, they would pull all the money they put in for the wedding and we couldn’t afford it on our own.” She nodded. “What about your parents?” I sighed. “My parents may have money, but they told us they would only pay for a portion of the wedding, and it was even smaller than what his parents were paying.” She nodded.
“Okay, so you hated your last dress, so you know what you don’t want.” She said before walking past me and over to the counter that we passed when we first came in.  We originally said we didn’t need help and we were just browsing, but now she was walking towards me with a sales associate and I was nervous. “Hey, so I hear we need a little help.” I nodded as I started pulling on my thumbs. “She’s been married before and did not like the dress she had, even though she never got to wear it. She just got engaged a few weeks ago and has no idea what she wants.” The girl, Ana as her name tag stated, nodded and gave me a soft smile. “Okay, so what did you not like about your last dress?” I sighed, my eyes widening slightly. “Everything. It had these long lace sleeves, it was a high neck, it was form fitting, and it had a million buttons on the back.” She nodded. “Okay, and how do you feel about strapless?” I nodded. “As long as it holds up the girls, I love it.” She nodded. “So, no form fitting. Any style in particular you like?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not sure.” She nodded, looking around for a moment. “What size are you?” I really didn’t know anymore, depending on the dress it varies. “Um, I used to be a sixteen. But if it’s a corset I may fit into as small as a twelve.” She nodded. “Okay, how about you two take a seat and I’ll pull a few for you to look at.”
We nodded, taking a seat in one of the waiting areas. “A sixteen?” Penny asked, raising a brow. “Yeah, I have really wide hips and a big bust. I may have abs but I’m not super slim in the middle.” She nodded before giving me a dopey grin. “Speaking of wide hips, are you two still trying for a baby?” I twirled may hand as if to say yes and no. “We aren’t preventing it that’s for sure, but now we may wanna wait. If I got pregnant that’d throw the wedding off because I am not walking down the aisle with a baby bump.” I chuckled, making Penny grin. “I don’t think Rooster would mind.” I shook my head. “He wouldn’t. I think he wants it more than I do.” I said as I leaned back in the chair. “Okay! I think I have a few options!” Ana said as she came over carrying garment bags, another associate behind her carrying more. “Oh my…” I said as I looked at the six bags they hung up. “I stuck with white because I didn’t know if you preferred a different color, so this was the safe bet.” I slowly stood, taking in all the dresses. “So, this is the first one. It is an a-line with off the shoulder sleeves. The bodice had lace over it and the lace slowly fades as it goes down the skirt.” I admired it, taking in the little floral lace details. “It’s pretty.” I said and Ana scrunched up her face. “But it’s not quite doing it for you.” I shook my head. “That’s okay, we have more, and you don’t have to decide today or go with these exact dresses. These are just a few of the options we have.” I nodded, encouraging her to show me the next one.
Soon Penny and I walked out, feeling accomplished. “Your face lit up when you saw that ball gown.” She said as we walked to her car, getting in. “I never thought I was a ball gown kinda girl. But something about wearing it down the aisle makes my heart flutter.” She grinned at me as she started the car. “I think we’re on the right track here.” I nodded, biting my bottom lip. “Hey, do you have some more time today?” She nodded as we pulled out of the parking lot. “Of course, why?” I looked over at her as I slid my sunglasses over my eyes. “There’s a florist and a venue I wanna look at.” The excitement oozed from her as she grinned at me. “Sure. But I figured you’d want to do that stuff with your mom.” I nodded. “Mom is gearing up to go back on tour in May. She’ll make time for a few things like my dress, but for the most part, I’m on my own.” She nodded as I told her the name of the florist, stepping on the gas to get us there by lunch time so we could talk to them before they went to lunch.
“I knew florists in Georgia were expensive but my god.” Penny chuckled. The florist was sweet, she gave me many great suggestions. But the flowers there alone would take up a good portion of our budget, which we need to figure out. “That’s California for you, expensive.” I scoffed at the word. “Hell yeah. Do you know how much that roast cost me?” She nodded. “I know because I looked at one the other day.” I sighed, resting my head on the window. “I love living in San Diego but sometimes I question the prices on things. I’m half tempted to get chickens, start my own garden and start homesteading.” She laughed at my words. “I can imagine Rooster coming home to a literal Rooster running around his back yard.” I nodded. “I mean seriously. I’m half tempted to buy a cow, and once it’s slaughtered I’d have plenty of meat for an army.” We laughed but went quiet, looking at each other. “That’s an idea.” She said and I nodded. “We could buy local, go in half and still have plenty each.” It was a thought and we needed to save money for this wedding. “I’ll talk to Pete.” She said and I nodded. “I’ll think about it.” It was quiet for a few minutes before she turned to me. “You know, a burrito sounds amazing right now.” I chuckled and nodded. “There’s a great Mexican place a few streets over.”
Once we were full, we drove to the venue I wanted to look into. “A hotel, really?” I nodded. “It was one on Bradley’s list. Plus, we can put our out-of-town guests here.” She shrugged, looking up at the tall building. “You got a point.” I walked inside, looking around the grand lobby. It gave old Hollywood glamour vibes, which I loved. “Hi, how can we help you?” The concierge asked as we walked up to the counter. “Hi, I don’t have an appointment, but I was considering having my wedding here. I just wanted to look around.” He nodded. “Of course. Let me get my manager for you, we’re a little slow at the moment so I’m sure she can show you around.” I nodded as he made a call. “She’ll be out in just a minute, have a seat if you want. Can I get you anything? Water?” I nodded, realizing how thirsty I was. “Water would be great.” He nodded, pulling a few from the fridge behind him and handing them to us before we sat down. “It’s nice in here. Is this the one with the garden?” I shook my head. “No. That one is closer to the base.” She nodded, looking around. “Hi, I’m Margaret. The hotel manager, I hear you’re considering having your wedding with us?” I nodded, shaking her outstretched hand. “Yes, I was just wanting to take a look around the place.” She nodded, holding out a small stack of papers to me. “Well, here are a few pages on what we offer. Different plans with pricing, just in case you consider us.”
“Now, follow me and I’ll lead you into one of our ballrooms.” I grinned at Penny, getting a little excited we followed Margaret down a hallway until she opened a set of double doors. I was expecting a little more. The pictures online showed how grand it was, but the only grand thing about it now was the chandelier. “This is our biggest and best ballroom. You’ll have to get your own decorations and decorate yourself but it's a great blank slate for creativity.” She wasn’t wrong there, but it was so plain. White walls with tall windows and wooden floors. It wasn’t bad but not what I wanted. “Do you happen to have an outdoor space?” Her face faltered at my question, maybe seeing I wasn’t that pleased. “No, ma’am. The ballrooms are the only spaces we have.” I nodded, biting my lip. I let her finish telling us about it before we parted ways, telling her I didn’t think it would work for us. “That sucked.” Penny said as we got back into the car.
“For the price they wanted it did. To pay sixteen thousand for blank walls is ridiculous. It would’ve been twenty-five thousand to use their chairs and have them cater. That’s basically our entire budget in my mind and we haven’t even made one yet. I’d still need money for bridesmaid dresses, tuxedos if Bradley doesn’t wanna wear his uniform, flowers, a photographer and so much more!” She nodded. “Listen, figure out your budget first, then call your mom see if she’ll pay anything. Then you can really buckle down on a venue.” I nodded. “Bradley docks in Australia soon so I’ll be able to contact him a little more freely.” She nodded, taking me back home. “I really appreciate this, Penny. I almost cancelled on you this morning.” She raised a brow as she parked in the driveway. “Really? Why?” I pursed my lips. “It feels wrong doing this stuff without Rooster. I know we can talk about it on our video and phone calls, but it feels wrong not having him with me.” I said as tears filled my eyes. “Oh, honey.” She ran her fingers through my hair. “I’d say it never gets easier, but you know that.” I nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing down the tears. “You can have a longer engagement. Wait till he comes home to start.” It was a thought I’d had before, waiting for him to come home to help me plan, it sounded great. “I just don’t know if I can wait that long to be Mrs. Bradshaw.” I laughed out, making her laugh as well. “It’ll be okay. If you need me, I’m always here.” I nodded, hugging her across the console.
A few days later I was waiting on Natasha. I was still on leave while she had to be back on base this past Monday. I had taken everything out of our closet, reorganizing seeing as Bradley just shoved everything in here. I put his stuff back neatly and decided to take the opportunity to go through all of my clothes, putting what I was keeping back in the closet and staring at the large pile of clothes still on the bed. “Magnolia?” I heard Phoenix’s voice from downstairs. “In the bedroom!” I called, catching her attention. I sat in the floor, going through my shoes when she walked in still in her flight suit smelling of jet fuel. “Woah, that’s a lot of clothes. Is this what you’re keeping?” I shook my head. “No that’s the pile you can go through. I’ve already put what I’m keeping back in the closet.” She peeked behind me into the closet. “Damn, you still have a lot. And why does Rooster have so many pieces of clothing?” I giggled at her words. “He’s a fashionable man. Something I appreciate.” I said as she started sorting through the pile on the bed. “This is adorable.” She said holding up the tiffany blue A-line dress, tears filling my eyes. “It’s your favorite color and you’re getting rid of it?” I sighed, pursing my lips. “Yeah.” I muttered, looking back to the piles of shoes in the floor.
“Hey, what’s wrong? If you want to keep it, then keep it.” I shook my head as the tears spilled over. “I can’t. I love that dress, it’s a favorite but, that’s the dress I wore to the courthouse when Aaron and I got married.” She furrowed her brows in confusion, as she sat next to me in the floor. “I hate that he still has this sort of control over me. Anything with memories attached to him is ruined, clothes, pictures, hell you remember I burned the comforter that was on our bed.” She tossed her arm over my shoulder, pulling me close. “I’m starting my life with Bradley, and I can’t seem to shake him. Rooster doesn’t deserve a girl who’s dragging a ghost around with her.” Phoenix chuckled from her spot next to me. “Magnolia. You could’ve shown up on his doorstep with a literal ball and chains attached to you, and he would’ve picked it up and carried it for you for the rest of your lives.” Her words made tears well in my eyes and I jumped up grabbing a notepad and pen I had in my bedside table. “What are you doing?” She asked, scrunching her brows. “You gave me an idea for my vows. Can I quote you?” I asked looking at her. Her bottom lip poked out and wobbled. “You want to quote me in your vows?” I nodded. “We haven’t talked about writing our own but just in case- AH!” I squealed as she threw herself at me, knocking us both over. She clung to me like a koala as she rolled us over in the floor. “Of course, you can. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She said, her voice cracking. “I love you too, Nix.” I said as I squeezed her back.
We laid in the floor a while, talking about the wedding. I knew I wanted her as my maid of honor, I just wanted to make it special when I asked her. “Well, I guess I’m going to get home. Jake is making spaghetti, and I’ve been anticipating it all week.” I handed her the bag full of clothes and shoes she decided to take. "But his still isn’t better than yours.” She said grinning at me. “Are you trying to butter me up to cook for you?” I narrowed my eyes at her as she smiled widely. “Please? Maybe some chicken and veggies?” I chuckled. “Okay, we’ll plan something.” She nodded, grabbing the bag. “So, what are you going to do with the rest?” She motioned to the pile of clothes still on my bed. “I figured I’d post it all on Facebook marketplace. Make a little money off it to put towards the wedding.” She nodded in agreement. “Okay,” She said as she started out the bedroom door, walking downstairs. “Just meet somewhere public. Can’t have crazies showing up here.” I nodded in agreement as she walked out. “Be careful on your way home.” She nodded, tossing the bag in her car. “I will! Love you!” She yelled. I yelled it back and I waited for her to drive away before I closed the door locking it.
I posted the clothes on the marketplace before scrolling through, looking at random things. But something caught my eye, that something being an antique Yamaha upright piano. It was almost an exact replica of the one I’ve seen in the Bradshaw family pictures I had hung up around the house. Many pictures of Goose sitting at the piano, Bradley sitting in his lap. I rushed, messaging the guy in hopes I could snag it before anyone else did. I laid across my bed, staring at my phone as I waited for a reply. I sighed, not wanting to go crazy. So, I got up and cleaned up my mess, ate dinner and had a shower before I crawled into bed. I got excited as I saw the man replied, telling me he’d give me a discount if I picked it up myself. I immediately text Hangman asking to borrow his truck tomorrow and of course he questioned why, then told me he was coming with me because ‘You’re not going to some guys house by yourself to pick up a so called piano.’ I rolled my eyes as I text the guy back, asking him to tune it if I paid the full price. He came back with an immediate yes making me grin. “Oh, Bradley is going to cry!” I said as I fist pumped the air. I text Hangman the time we needed to be there to get it and he just replied with a middle finger emoji. I rolled my eyes, laying my phone down on the wireless charger before sliding down in the bed. I was in one of Bradley’s shirts and I took a big whiff as the smell of his body wash invaded my senses. I laid there for a few minutes before picking my phone back up and sending Bradley an email. I told him how much I loved and missed him and told him we needed to figure out a budget. So, I would be going through my portion of the bills to see what we could change to have more money for the wedding. After that I laid my phone down, opting to try and get some sleep. With Sadie at my feet and Dahlia next to me, it wasn’t hard and soon I drifted off.
I heard Dahlia growling and I took my foot, gently nudging her and she stopped. After a minute she started again. “Shh.” I said, not moving from my spot. She stopped but shifted down towards the end of the bed. I drifted back off but woke with a start when she barked. I jumped out of the bed, looking out the open bedroom door and into the hallway. If someone was in the house, she would’ve been downstairs by now. I turned on my lamp before walking out into the hallway. I turned on every light as I went downstairs, I checked and made sure the back door was locked before checking the front door. As I grabbed the door handle I heard a vehicle speed down the road. I heaved a sigh of relief when I turned to see Dahlia and Sadie standing at the top of the stairs. “Really? It was a car.” I said as I cut off all the lights and headed back to bed. At this point I was cranky and made Dahlia sleep in her bed as I crawled back under the covers.
The next day Hangman showed up at my house by ten, surprising me with bringing Bob and Coyote with him. “I can’t believe you agreed to go to this guy’s house alone to pick up this piano.” He was leaned back in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel, the other covering his mouth. “Aw, I’m glad you’re worried about me. But you know I can handle myself.” He scoffed, nodding. “Like how you beat the fuck out of Buck on deployment.” I froze in my seat, looking at him, then to the backseat to see Bob staring at me from his spot behind Hangman, and Coyote peeking around my seat too stare at me, wide eyed. “What?” Bob asked, adjusting to truckers’ hat on his head. “Rooster does not know, and he won’t find out.” Jake’s head whipped around to me, startling me. “You didn’t tell him?” I shook my head. “No, I wanted to do it in person. But I didn’t expect him to be home for Christmas and then he proposed! What was I supposed to say? ‘Thanks for the ring, by the way I got into a fight with one of your former colleagues after he forcefully kissed me’?” “WOAH!” Bob and Coyote yelled. “He did what?” Coyote asked and my head fell into my hands as I groaned. “He heard about my divorce and how public it was, and he kissed me saying ‘we could make more publicity.’ We shoved each other before I beat the shit out of him in the ready room on board.”
They all went silent as I picked my head up. “What’s this guy’s name?” “No!” I said. “Y’all are not going to beat him up.” I said as I leaned my head against the window. “His call sign is Buck.” “JAKE!” I screeched, turning to him. He just shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead of us. “I just want them to know in case they come across this guy.” I stared at them for a moment before huffing. “I’m glad I’m engaged to Rooster. I couldn’t imagine trying to date with you three around.” They all grinned as Coyote smacked my arm. “Don’t forget about Payback and Fanboy!” “Or Phoenix.” Hangman piped up. “Oh, trust me, I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to, and we all know Phoenix would be the first to attack someone for me.” It was quiet for a second before they all agreed. The rest of the ride was quiet and soon we arrived at the house. We got out and I stepped up on the porch, ringing the doorbell. I stared at the red door for a moment before it swung open revealing an older gentleman, possibly in his sixties. He smiled at me and swung the glass door open. “Hey, you must be Caila.” I nodded, shaking his hand. “I am and I assume your Charlie?” He nodded. “If you want to look at it before you take it, your more than welcome.” I nodded, holding the door myself. “Thanks. Guys.” I motioned them to follow me, and they did. “And you brought your own crew. Smart girl.” Once we were all inside, he led us into his living room, the old piano sitting tucked away in a corner. “I’ve already cleaned it off and tuned it.”
I sat down on the bench, pressing a few keys. “Sound good?” Hangman asked and I shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t play. But I’m sure it is.” I said, not wanting to offend Charlie and have him jack up the price. “So, what do you think?” I stood, running my fingers along the top of it. “I’ll take it.” He nodded as I pulled out the cash, holding it out to him. He smiled, taking it from me and counting it as we all grabbed the piano. It was heavy, but between the four of us we managed to get it out the door and loaded in the back of the truck. “Strap that down and I’ll grab the bench?” The boys nodded as I walked back inside. Just as I reached for the bench Charlie tapped my shoulder, startling me. “I’m sorry. Um, this may be weird but you’re the Caila Motley, right?” I nodded, catching my breath. “I’ve been a fan of your mother for years, an-and your brother.” I didn’t know where he was going with this. “Oh, and a lot of what you’ve released.” I just gave him a smile and nodded. “What I’m trying to say… can I get a picture?” I was a little relieved that was his question. “Oh, of course.” I was happy to take a picture with him, it was a simple request. “Do you mind doing it? I don’t know how to do this selfie thing.” He said and I smiled, taking his phone. He was shorter than me, so I bent down a little, one hand on my knee, the other holding his phone. He placed his hand between my shoulder blades turning to me. “Is it okay if I put my hand here? I’m a little unsteady in my old age.” I nodded. “Of course.” I turned back to the phone, smiling. “Ready?” I heard a small ‘yep’ from him and clicked to take the picture. As soon as I did, his hand disappeared from my back as I stood straight. But I was caught off guard when I heard a smack and a stinging sensation on my right ass cheek. “OW! What the fuck?!” I yelled, turning to him. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” He said with a large grin. I glared at him, deleting the picture before tossing his phone at him. “Fuck you, buddy.” I said as I grabbed the bench, walking towards the door.
“You okay?” Jake asked, stepping inside and stepping right back out as I almost ran him down with the bench in hand. We put the bench behind the piano and got in. “What happened? I heard you yell in there.” Hangman asked as I crossed my arms over my chest in the passenger seat. “Dude wanted a picture because he was a fan of my music and after I did it he smacked my ass-“ My hands shot forward to stop myself from face planting the dashboard. “What the fuck! You could’ve ruined the piano!” I yelled before Jake opened his door. “Stop! Jake!” I yelled, grabbing his arm, effectively stopping him. “He’s not worth it. He’s in his sixties.” He looked to me before sighing and closing his door. It went quiet as he started back down the road. “Was that the first time?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “No. I’m a woman who is occasionally in the public eye and I’m in the navy. Some men fetishize that.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyone in the navy?” I raised a brow at him, just Buck and you.” “ME?!” He squealed, looking at me in shock. “Um yeah, if I recall the first thing you ever said to me when we met was, ‘That uniform looks great on you, but it’d look better on my bedroom floor.’ It wasn’t a physical advance, but it was a verbal one. That and our deployment to Australia when I met Rooster for the first time you told me you’d love to know what I sounded like in bed.” His face was bright red, he wouldn’t look at me, but Coyote and Bobby were staring him down. “I never should’ve said any of that, Magnolia, I’m genuinely sorry I did.”
“It’s okay, I forgave you years ago.” He gave me a deadpan look. “A few years ago?” I nodded at his question. “Yeah, when I found out that underneath all that ego and douchiness, you were genuinely a good person.” He chuckled. “But I appreciate the apology anyway.” The rest of the way home, we were talking about how we all met, except Bob, I was the only one that knew him before the Uranium mission. Soon we got home and unloaded the piano, putting it against the far living room wall. I had a huge empty space to fill, and it worked perfectly. Once I thanked the guys with food and beer they left and once again I was alone. The house was clean, and the dogs were napping. That’s when I got the idea to go through all my statements, attempting to find stuff I could cancel to save money. Soon I was sat at the island, glasses on the bridge of my nose, with my statements and all of our bills. My Sirius Xm I never used it so I cancelled. A box subscription I cancel every month, delete. I even found we were wasting money on certain foods at the grocery store, so I cut it out. I stared at these papers, realizing our grocery bill was sky rocketing. I needed to meal prep so I didn’t waste food, make my groceries stretch. I pulled out my recipe box, looking for ideas when I pulled out my mamaw’s bread recipe. Looking at it, I realized I already had most of the ingredients. “If I made bread, we’d save money not having to buy it every week.” I said as I scratched down the idea. Looking through all these made me think of things my mamaw used to do, which included not using fabric softener and using white vinegar instead. Goodbye, fabric softener. I went through and had a few more ideas and when I added it all up, I realized we would save two hundred dollars all together each week, and that’s just on my portion of bills. I smiled to myself, proud of everything I had done. We may be able to afford this wedding yet.
The following week I met back with Dr. Lender, my therapist first. “Miss Motley?” I stood, following Dr. Lender into his office. Once we got comfortable, he gave me a small smile. “So, I’ve been instructed to evaluate you. It seems there was an outburst on your last deployment?” I was ashamed of what happened. That wasn’t me, I didn’t lash out like that but he pushed. “Why don’t you start by telling me in detail what happened.” I nodded, taking a deep breath. “From the minute we met Buck was giving me a hard time. I ignored it for the most part until he abandoned me in the air, after that him and Hangman got into it and pulled into the commander’s office. When he came out, he cornered me and told me to stay out of his way or watch his back.” He nodded, writing something down. “What happened after that?” I recounted everything up until our fight. “I called him Aaron.” Dr. Lender stopped writing, glancing up at me. “You called him Aaron?” I nodded. “He pushed me, and I pushed back. I was asking him if he thought he could push me around, then I asked if he thought he could hurt me and called him Aaron.” Tears started streaming down my face. “Caila, you’ve been through a lot and Aaron has been the source of your pain for a long time. Another man was physical with you, it’s not surprising that your subconscious made you think it was Aaron.” I wiped my cheeks, the wetness causing a chill to come to my cheeks. “So, I’m not going crazy?” I asked with a chuckle. “No, and I think you are fit for duty. But you have a lot that we need to work through. So, let’s talk about it.”
After my session with Dr. Lender we agreed I should see him twice a week right now and I headed over to Dr. Cortez’s office. Once I filled out the paperwork, I was taken back and a nurse took my blood work, sending me into a room. “Miss Motley, good to see you again. You’re looking much better than when I last saw you.” Dr. Cortez said as he sat on the stool in the room. “I feel a lot better.” He smiled at me, nodding. “So have you had any other manic episodes, bouts of depression?” I shook my head. “No, for the most part I feel normal. I was just hoping my cortisol levels were down.” He gave me a smile, looking down at my papers. “They are. They’re a little high in the normal range but they are normal. But I do want to see you back next month just to check.” I smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Dr. Cortez.” I said and we walked out. I had been terrified that either of these appointments would pull me from flying, so as I walked out to my car I was elated. I felt like I was floating almost.
This was my last week before I went back to work, so I spent it making sure the house was clean and hanging a few pictures. I put a few of Bradley and his parents on top of the piano, and a few family photos on the mantle. One of my parents, one of Bradley and I, one of Jameson, Laura and JJ, and one of his parents. We also had a handful of pictures of the team throughout the house. Having pictures around the house always gave me a warm feeling. When I would have those moment of doubt or fear, knowing this was where my life was at always made me feel better. The night before I went back, I spent it on the couch, staring at the wedding planner, the gold Mr. & Mrs. Bradshaw staring back at me. There were a few slots for pictures in it and under the words ‘The Engagement’ I had placed a picture mom had sent me. It was one of Bradley and I just after he proposed, his hands holding my cheeks as I held his wrists. I had been working on a budget and Bradley had emailed me that he would figure out his portion of the budget, as well as more venues and even a few date ideas. For a man who loves summer, he suggested a winter wedding. As if winter in San Diego was truly cold. His suggestion was winter because then we could have an outdoor wedding and not sweat to death. It made me giddy that he was so excited for this wedding, he wanted to be so hands on and involved.
It was like the love I have for this man grew daily, the dopey way he smiles at me when we’re on video calls, the he randomly grabs my hand and kisses it, his goofy personality. If you told me a year ago that Bradley and I would be engaged, I would’ve laughed in your face. When it was time for bed, like every night, I slipped on one of his shirts and curled up close to his pillow. The smell of him invading my senses and lulling me to sleep. The next morning I was welcomed into the morning briefing with hugs, making me grin widely. “So glad to have you back!” Fanboy said as he hugged me again. “Oh, I’ve missed flying with you guys!” I cheered as we all took our seats. I sat next to Coyote, fist bumping him as Admiral Simpson came in. We stood at attention until he released us, sitting back down. “Good morning, aviators.” He said, placing his hand behind him. “I have just received word from our new Pacific Fleet Commander. The Dagger Squadron is now a permanent Squadron based here on North Island. You will deploy for missions together, no more splitting you guys up.” We all grinned at each other, realizing this was a place we could all put down roots. “Does this mean the rest of the team is coming back?” I asked and he nodded. “Yes, Rooster will come back at the end of his deployment. But Halo, Omaha, Fritz, Yale and Harvard have all been called back.” We all cheered, excited that the entire team would be back. “Now I’ll hand it over to Captain Mitchell.” He nodded before walking away. Maverick told us the plan for today and soon released us to get in the air. As soon as we stood, I pulled out my phone and text Halo.
Text me as soon as you get in and I’ll send you my address to come over!
Yeah, because clearly, we have a lot to catch up on!
I furrowed my brows in confusion. I text her a picture the day I got engaged, so I couldn’t tell if she was mad at me or not. “Magnolia! You’re up with Payback and Fanboy!” Mav called, making me nod and I grabbed my helmet. I excitedly crawled into my jet, sticking a photo of Rooster and I on the dash before slipping my helmet on. “You ready, Magnolia?” Payback called before I taxied out. “I was born ready.” With that, we were off. We spent about an hour in the air before we landed, now all sweaty and burning up from the sun shining into our cockpits. “I know I just got back from a deployment, but I will always miss being in a jet!” I said as I joined Payback, Fanboy, and Mav in walking back into the hangar. Mav grinned at me, patting my shoulder. “You’re just like your dad in that way, so is Bradley. Goose loved flying.” I bit my lip, looking at him. “I wish they were here. We’re getting married Mav, this is a big event in his life.” He stopped as I walked a few steps ahead, only stopping when I realized he wasn’t next to me anymore. I turned to see him staring at me, his jaw open a little. “Mav?” He came over, pulling me into a tight hug. “Everything okay?” I asked, patting his back. “I knew you were good for him.” It was quiet, but it spoke volumes. “I really love him Mav.” He pulled back, his hands on my shoulders. “And he loves you. I can’t wait for you two to start your lives together.” Tears came to my eyes at his words. “Stop! I’m gonna cry!” I said as I fanned my face. He laughed, leading us back inside as my phone rang.
“It’s Bradley!” I yelled out when I saw his picture on my phone. “Hello?” I was so excited to hear from him. “Guess who docked in Australia!” He sing songed making me giggle. “Would it be my fiancé?” The word alone made my chest tighten in excitement. “Oh, say it again.” He growled, making my face heat up. Mav went inside, leaving me alone in the hangar. “Fiancé.” I said grinning and biting my lip. “God, I love that! But I think I’ll enjoy calling you Mrs. Bradshaw more.” I could’ve squealed at the title, my excitement built in me, making me do a little dance. “God, I cannot wait!” I yelled out. He chuckled and I heard a few papers rustle around. “Me either, which is why I was calling to tell you I have figured out my end of the finances. How do you feel about a forty-thousand-dollar budget for the wedding?” My jaw dropped, shocked at the number he gave me. “For-forty thousand dollars? Can we really afford that?” I asked, slowly lowering myself to sit in one of the chairs. “We can. Between fixing both of our finances we are saving a ton of money. That and I was left a lot of money when mom passed and I’ve been saving it for something like this.”
“Are you sure you wanna use it on the wedding?” I asked, picking at the skin around my nails. “Honey, I wouldn’t wanna use it on anything else and neither would my parents.” Tears gathered in my eyes. “I’m also gonna ask my parents if they want to contribute. I’m sure they will want to at least buy my dress.” He groaned on the other end. “You’re gonna look like a fucking goddess when you walk down the aisle.” I had butterflies in my stomach at his words. “I meant to ask, do you want to wear a tux or your uniform for the wedding?” It was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “I really don’t know yet.” I chuckled lightly at his words. “Oh, so I got good news this morning.” He hummed telling me he was listening. “The Dagger Squad is being made a permanent squadron here on North Island. We would deploy together and they’re even bringing back the rest of the team.” He gave a low whistle. “I wish that meant I got to come home early.” I nodded. “Me too.”
“Have you considered who’s going to be in the bridal party?” I sighed, I had been thinking about it and we needed the same amount of guys for the groomsmen. “Yeah, I know I want Phoenix to be my Maid of Honor. I know I’ll also ask Laura, I just know we need an even number in both parties.” I said leaning over, rubbing my face. “We do, but don’t stress over it honey. We can figure that out a little later.” I nodded, sitting back. “Have you looked at anymore venues?” I shook my head. “I saw a few this week, but they were all ridiculously priced and not worth that much money.” I said as I rolled my eyes. “We’ll find somewhere, honey. Have you thought more on colors?” I nodded. “I was leaning more toward navy, maybe just blue. If we use green in winter, it may feel too much like Christmas.” He hummed. “Let’s try to avoid doing it before Christmas. It would be a lot to juggle Christmas and a wedding.” I nodded. I heard someone yelling for him on his end, making my smile falter. “I really miss you, Roo.” “I miss you too, pretty girl. But I really have to go. I love you, future Mrs. Bradshaw.” I squealed at the title, letting him know how much I truly loved it. “I love you too, Mr. Bradshaw.”
“Bye, Mags.” He whispered. “Bye, Roo.” With that I hung up, standing from my seat and turning. “AH!” I yelled out seeing Coyote, Bob and Payback standing right behind me. “You two are gross.” Coyote said and I smacked his chest. “Is Phoenix with you? I don’t want her to know I’m gonna ask her to be my maid of honor yet.” They shook their heads. “But we won’t tell her if you agree to put us in the wedding.” Payback said. “Okay.” I said stepping around them. “Have fun being flower boys!” I called and they all whipped their heads around to me. “That’s not what we wanted!” Coyote yelled, him and Payback running after me. “YOU’RE IN THE WEDDING! BE HAPPY!” I yelled, running away from them. That night when I laid in bed, I took a picture of the dogs, sending it to him. Now that he had service, I felt better knowing I could reach him more often. I had to restrain myself from texting him constantly, not wanting to annoy him, but I wanted to update him on everything that happened in my day-to-day life. Soon it was getting late, and I finally had to stop scrolling through my socials, putting my phone on the charger before cutting out the lights. “Goodnight girls.” In response Sadie scooted closer to the bend of my knees and Dahlia groaned as she laid across Rooster’s side. I chuckled to myself, pulling the covers up and soon drifting off.
I was half awake when I heard Dahlia growl, and it took me a minute to register what was going on. “Sh.” I nudged her slightly and she stopped. After a few minutes she started again. “Dahlia, please.” I muttered as she continued to growl. “It’s just a car.” I said as I tossed my arm over my eyes, but her growls grew louder. With that I got up, her head was turned to the window by Rooster’s side of the bed. I furrowed my brows, standing on my side, and slowly peeking around the curtains. It was dark so I turned back and grabbed my glasses, looking back outside. I stared around for a minute, looking for anything, then I saw it. A shadow moved out from behind the Magnolia tree and hopped the fence to get to the outside of it. I gasped, grabbing my phone and dialing 911, I rushed downstairs, Dahlia on my heels. “911, what’s your emergency?” As the man answered, I checked that the front door was locked. “I’m at 423 Oceanside Lane in Miramar. I just saw someone hop my back fence to get to the outside.” I said as I rushed for the backdoor, checking it. Both doors were locked, making me feel a little better.
“Someone hopped your fence to get out of your backyard?” I nodded. “Yes, I think they might’ve been snooping around my back door.” I heard tires squealing and I looked out my front door seeing a black truck speed down the road. “A black truck also just sped off down the road.” My heart sped up, realizing the other night when a vehicle sped off, it could’ve been whoever was just in my back yard. “I don’t think this is the first time they’ve come snooping around.” I said as I leaned on my front door. “Okay, ma'am. I have officers dispatched to your location, do you want me to stay on the line?” I licked my lips as tears welled in my eyes. “Yes.” My voice broke as I started back upstairs to put pants on and grab my robe. “So this isn’t the first time?” He asked and I shook my head. “No. At least, I don’t think so. My dog growling woke me up and she’s done this two other times. Last time I head a car speed down the road and I thought maybe someone was just leaving their house but now I’m not so sure.” I said as I made my way downstairs. I sat on the couch, Dahlia resting her head in my lap as I heard a knock on my door, making me jump back up. “It’s okay, it’s just the officers I dispatched.” I nodded, sighing in relief. I realized they kept the sirens off so they didn’t alert anyone sneaking around. I walked over, looking out the window to double check that it was them, and when I was sure I hung up the phone and opened the door.
“Miss Motley?” I nodded. “That’s me.” There were two of them, and I recognized the one from when I passed out in the kitchen. “We’ve been told you had a disturbance?” I nodded. “My dog was growling and when I looked outside, I saw someone hopping my fence to the outside. Then I saw a truck speed off down the road.” They nodded, looking behind them. “We’ll take a look around.” I nodded as they walked around the side of the house. I closed the door, opting to make some tea while I waited. After ten minutes they came back to the front of the house. “We didn’t see anything. Are you sure you saw something?” I nodded. “Very sure.” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Miss Motley, to be honest, it’s hard to believe without footprints or anything seeing as you were hallucinating the last time I was here.” My heart dropped into my stomach, fear creeping in. “What? No-I-last time I had a manic episode. I’m fine right now. There was someone in my back yard.” They sighed, looking at each other. “Without evidence, there’s nothing we can do. Have a good night, Miss Motley.” I was sputtering as they walked away, not knowing what to do. “Wh-yo-wait!” They turned to me as I met them in the driveway. “You’re sure there was nothing there?” They both nodded, sure of themselves. “Have a nice night Miss Motley.” It was stern, telling me this was the end of the conversation. I slowly walked back inside, locking the door behind me and looking around the house. I looked down at my phone, seeing it was midnight. I considered calling someone to come stay, but it was the middle of the night, and I didn’t want to be a bother. So instead I opted for sitting on the couch and turning on the tv. Dahlia crawled up next to me, facing the door as I set Sadie on my other side. “I guess it’s just us, ladies.” I muttered as I propped my feet on the coffee table.
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Taglist: @mak-32 @rosiahills22 @dhwanishah09
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unwittinglythinking · 1 year ago
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adhd & mdd
in 2018 my doctor diagnosed me for having minor depression. i took it lightly and i know i couldn’t sleep because i keep on seeing things in my nightmare. i took  sleeping tablets but did not take any ssri’s bc the doctor doesn’t allow me. only sleeping tablets so that i can sleep. i remember back in 2018 i took sleeping tablets almost everyday and yet i still was getting really bad sleeping quality. idk how to cure from that.
in 2019, it got worse. doctor diagnosed that i have mdd. jpa did not believe in me and keep questioning why would i be getting such mental health issue and that i should keep my heads up, read quran and go pray to God bc they said it helps. i’ve been seeking help and praying to god since day 1 my parents taught me to. i dont know, what went wrong. am i that bad, that jpa thought of me that way?
2020 2021 covid, it still the same mdd, not getting enough sleep everyday, trying to make myself happy but felt so empty. ppl questioning why am i not happy when they’re there by my side. i wish i have an answer for that, why am i not happy when everyone else is around? why am i feeling empty when i shouldn’t be feeling empty? why is my body and mind telling me to talk to my own inner mdd? i don’t know. what’s going on, i dont even know.
2022, warded over a month, diagnosed mdd + adhd, taking 15mg ssri’s (max amount of ssri a woman with my age are allowed to take). swallowed that big ass amount of escitalopram, going on therapy, consulting with the doctors and therapist, hoping that my life will be better. i remember asking my doctor,
“doctor, can i be free from mdd one day? can i cure from mdd, doctor?”
i still rmber vividly my doctor’s face changed and he said, “i hope one day it will go away. i believe that you can, but it definitely depends on the person. sometimes it takes 2-3  years, for some other it might take 10-15 years. some might take even more time.”
i remember, i cried. bc it felt like i had no hopes. 
and i just wanna run away from life, from the people that talk shit and abused me, from the people who didn’t give love and attention to me, i just wanna sit somewhere all alone in silent.
but now 2023, im feeling slowly healing. found my soulmate who is the most understanding of all. although sometimes im scared when he asks me “why are you feeling empty, do i not fill your void?”, im scared to answer that. i dont know babe, of course you do fill my void, but with my adhd and mdd right here, what made my void heart today is just bc i am still sick. your support, darling, has been carrying me around, happy and learn to willingly live longer because i just wanna be with you my whole life. you excites me, sweetheart. i love u so much. you ask me that only one time, and i remember whenever i told u im feeling empty, all u said now is “im here” and babe, that calms the shit out of me i love you so much for that.
for being my backbone, my biggest support and cheerleader, my husband you deserves only the best. for treating me like a human, like a woman i am. i love you and im so grateful for u. thank you. 
you are a medicine to me and you bring wellness to my life, sweetheart<3
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sorryiwasasleep · 1 year ago
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Want to go to Pride this year but know that if I say that my family (mostly my mom) will be weird about it and make me feel uncomfortable to the point where it’ll make me not go even though I actually have people I can go with for once and I would like to! Ugh 😒.
More info if you want:
(For further context my being a lesbian is firmly NOT discussed despite me coming out two years ago, but it will be alluded to occasionally in ways to make me feel bad about myself.
Example 1:
Setting- a holiday this year.
(Further context: day before we had same relatives we were seeing on the holiday over the night before. Shitty family members were discussing the Bud Light boycott. My cousin tried to leave the room after making a face and my grandpa made a comment and she was like ‘well I’m damned if i do damned if i don’t, cause I’m either the snowflake lib or the bitchy aggressor, so I can’t win!” And he ended making her cry. (i heard the words bud light come out of my (different) cousin’s mouth from the kitchen and I immediately went back outside to continue watching what was happening out there because I know where he stands and I knew it wasn’t worth the fight or my own sanity to hear the bullshit he was gonna say, so I was not there for the argument that led to her crying. Neither was my mom, cause she was outside with me.)
I have my hair in two high space buns. I have shoulder length hair that is half purple and an undercut. I finally get the buns even, I think I look I cute, I go downstairs.
My mom: 🤨 “that’s how you’re going to wear your hair?”
Me: “Yes. Why are they not even?”
Her: “No, no they are. But…” *sucks in air through her teeth* “I just… with the purple and the undercut, I mean I don’t know that anyone knows you have that. I don’t want anyone to say anything.”
Me: “I’ve had it since last June. They saw me during the summer.”
My fucking sister from the next room chiming in: “Well you do wear hats A LOT in the summer!”*
My mom: “Yea I don’t think your aunts realized. I just don’t want anyone saying anything about you.”
Me, frustrated as fuck at this point: “Okay well it took me twenty minutes to do this and now I don’t have time to do something else.”
My mom, already sitting down with a brush: “Here, I’ll do it half up half down you”
And she changed my hair. And like… yea I let her, and yea I’m an adult (a financially dependent one, so meh, and definitely not to my parents), but this left me with a pit in my stomach all day. And the fight to keep the hairstyle would just have ruined both of our days, but this just ruined mine and made me sick to my stomach.
* On my sister’s comment: 🙄 yea thanks a lot for the help. AND this is the sibling who actually will at least mention it with me! I thought she was on my side when I’m not home, but she’s not even on my side in FRONT of me apparently! A second example of my family being…weird… is that she got me the ugly campy as hell target ‘Live Laugh Lesbian’ shirt and I loved that she did but then as she threw it at me she said “Well idk where you’re going to wear that though because mom will DIE if you wear it around ~hometown~” And I just kind of looked at her with my jaw dropped because HUH? Even though I know she’s absolutely correct, I couldn’t believe SHE was saying it to me! As if giving me a fucking heads up?? And then she goes… “Oh i guess you can wear it ~where i live for school~” and like… I couldn’t even be like “hey that’s fucked up that you actually live at home all the time and know that’s how mom feels about my sexuality, maybe help convince her to NOT?” because she’d just given me a gift and I would not have said it as nice as I just did, and no one responds well when I’m aggressive in my tone.
Third example in case it was needed: I went to a gay bar with my roommates last month and told my mom the name of the bar but didn’t mention it was a gay bar (cause i didn’t think i needed to?) and I KNOW she googled it because she did not ask any further questions about my night out the next day beyond how I felt after drinking when normally she would grill me about it.
It’s just frustrating. I just want to be able to go to a fucking celebration of queerness, something I’m constantly being told I’m wrong for, but I don’t even know how to fucking bring it up because I KNOW what response I’ll get.
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