#and I’ll never forgive you for that. not until you at least acknowledge it

[neuroticwyrm]

im in my 20’s with the mind of a broken child just because none of the adults in my life knew how to raise for a kid without traumatizing them. so thanks for that.

[starcrossedxwriter]

Built for Love Part 13 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: you know the saying "it's gotta get worse before it gets better??" Well, that's true lol But enjoy the ride!

***

“You keep actin’ like it’s not a big deal! Like we can just wake up and get over it.” 

“I never said that!” Charlotte called over him, attempting to drown out his blatantly false words. as she angrily folded her arms. She flopped back into the soft cushions of Dr. Matthews’ couch, angrily folding her arms. “But I’m sick of him acting like I’m the problem for focusing on OUR future? Shaun is the past. We’re supposed to be planning a wedding? You proposed to me! Why is it wrong for me to focus on that and not the past??” 

“Well, I don’t know if that’s what Michael mea-” 

Michael did not even allow their therapist to finish her thought before he jumped back in, his anger rising.   

“I didn’t travel back in time and stumble into a bathroom to find him hurting you, Charlotte! It’s what? Almost the end of April so this happened six weeks ago?? He is very much our present and potentially part of the future. How can I just pretend that ain’t the case? He will be a threat to you until he’s in prison. And I’m not interested in being caught off guard again when he shows up for round two. And you know I’m right!” 

“I don’t know that actually!” 

“Sure. Lie to your family, Dr. Matthews, and yourself all you want but I see you, Charlotte. You haven’t moved on either. You’re just trying to ignore it so you don’t have to deal with it. So you don’t have to talk to me about it. Better to pretend this is somehow a normal everyday experience rather than just admit that it’s fucked up. You can say you’re fine all you want but I ain’t gotta pretend I believe it when I don’t.” 

“Oh right cause you’re the resident expert on being stalked and almost murdered? Remind me when that happened to you too??” she snapped sarcastically. “Exactly! So why do you think your opinion of my progress somehow matters more than the only person in this room with actual experience surviving this and him. You’ve got no idea what it’s like. I’ve been here. I’ve survived this and worse. So maybe I am actually fine because I know exactly what this feels like. You can’t hold it against me that I’m not a broken thing that needs you to swoop in and fix her!” 

“I don’t need to know what that’s like because I know you! And I’m not trying to fix you. Cause I don’t think acknowledging your pain means you’re broken. I do know that the last time you swore to me you were fine, he showed up at your rehearsal and then he bruised your ribs. And I knew, I fuckin’ knew, something was up before I left and I went anyway because you swore you were fine. Call me controlling o-or overprotective or annoying or whatever but at least you’ll be alive to be mad at me. Cause I sure as hell am not gonna make the same mistake ever again. You want me to chill out? Then start bein’ honest with me when shit isn’t fine and maybe I’ll start believing you when you say it is.”

“You act as if I just lie all the time?? In our entire relationship, I’ve kept one secret from you, made one more mistake! If you can’t forgive me for it, why are we even here??” 

“Maybe I could if it was just one mistake. I love you with my entire soul, fuck you’re my everything. But for whatever reason, your go-to is to keep shit like this from me. He showed up at your rehearsal and you said nothing. Had nightmares that were so bad, you got sick and you told me everything was just fine. He hit you and threatened you and you still lied to me when I asked you what was going on. Same thing with your arm the night of the premiere. Do you wanna tell Dr. Matthews how you got that brace on your wrist and how you tried to hide it from me or should I?” 

“This again!” Charlotte threw her free hand in the air as the one wrapped in a black brace stayed in her lap. “It’s a sprain and it was an accident. I didn’t tell you because of this - I knew you’d overreact and we’d be back where we were in March! And I was right. One accident and you acted like I was gonna fall apart. I wanted to celebrate, have fun and you overreacted and just wanted me to be sad all night. So much so that you couldn’t even see what I needed!” 

“Overreact?? Wow. How am I supposed to react to finding out I hurt you??” 

“YOU didn’t hurt me! I got hurt, there’s a difference. And the only person who was bothered was you. You know how many times I’ve been hurt? Concussions, bruised and broken ribs, carpet burns, regular burns, broken bones, cuts, hell, I bruised a kidney once. I’m a fuckin’ walking Grey’s Anatomy episode. I don’t need to send you a press statement everytime I’m hurt.”  

“You know that’s not what I want! But you could at least tell me so I can help. Otherwise, what use am I to you?” 

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Dr. Matthews interrupted the pair. “Enough. Both of you!” 

The couple had dissolved into a loud and biting vocal hurricane within five minutes of stepping into her Lower Manhattan office. Neither of them came ready for productive conversation but to unleash their frustrations onto a third party in hopes that she would convince the other that their side was the right one. 

“You just spent 10 minutes arguing and I doubt either of you even heard a single thing the other person said. Getting louder doesn’t ensure your point is heard, it just makes you loud. So let’s take a deep breath so we can actually have a conversation.” 

Charlotte took a few deep breaths before glancing at her fiance, guilt immediately surging as he jiggled his knee, a clear sign that he was upset. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her hand rubbing her forehead. “We d-don’t speak to each other like that. I’m just…” She glanced away from him as her voice trailed off. She did not know what she was but she knew nothing was as ok as she wanted it to be. As she wanted them to be. “Frustrated.” 

“I know…” he acknowledged, letting out his own deep breath to release some of his anger. “I’m sorry too.” 

“Ok good. I wondered when we’d finally get here. It took one session for me to see this argument brewing but I honestly thought you two would never get here. So amenable to other, willing to make surface-level changes that don’t address the root cause of your problems but unwilling to be vulnerable and say the hard things that would actually help you move forward. But like a lot of things, sometimes we have to take a couple steps back to reevaluate and move forward. So tell me what happened since our last session to get us here?” 

Dr. Matthews’ calming voice was a sharp juxtaposition to the red hot anger they both entered her office ready to unleash. She was not wrong, this argument was simmering since Charlotte got home from the hospital and had boiled over without warning. Charlotte had thought they were making small inroads to being back to normal but Dr. Matthews now challenged everything Charlotte believed about their progress. She was so frustrated at Michael for setting them back but maybe she had just put too much hope that their problems were an easy fix and wouldn’t require the thing she dreaded most: vulnerability. But the last 48 hours felt like God saying that neither of them could sustain that much longer. 

Charlotte sighed and glanced at Michael, his own shame wafting off of him.

“It really wasn’t a big deal. The other night…” 

“WRONG! He can’t be dead!” 

“Whatchu mean wrong?? We watched that nigga get stabbed eight times.”

“Yea we also saw dragons and zombies… you’re telling me that in a world of dragons and zombies, a nigga can’t come back to life?? What about Beric???” 

Michael laughed. “Doesn’t mean everybody can do it just cause he did?? And how would he even come back? The entire Night Watch against him, Red Woman’s nowhere to be found. That nigga cooked. Had a good run though,” he remarked as he pulled their dinner out of the oven. 

It was Charlotte’s night off from the show and the couple’s chosen date night. Their therapist had recommended setting aside the time each week to reconnect and focus on them. And Charlotte felt as if it was working, they were slowly but surely becoming them again. Perfect? No. But even their playful fighting over mundane tv plots was a new development. Fuck… just being playful at all was a glorious return to who they once were. Their relationship simply existed day to day with such an overcast of tension, the overbearing weight of life and death, that there was little space or energy to feel anything light. But the excitement of the day had turned tonight’s mood celebratory and fun, exactly what Charlotte needed to feel like herself again. 

“Wow. You have nooo faith. That man’s comin’ back, I know it. Also if you were really killing off a character, is that how you’d write it?? The whole ‘is your favorite character dead?’ season finale cliffhanger almost always ends with the character being alive.” 

“We talking about Thrones, Els! The show that killed off the main character in season 1 and most shows ain’t doing that shit. So I still haven’t heard one real reason he can’t be dead dead aside from the fact that you gotta crush on him.”

Michael loved egging her on when she put on her nerd hat. Mainly because he loved seeing her come alive in this way, as if this part of her had always been suppressed in relationships and her light just glowed when she was able to be her. 

 Charlotte turned and glanced over her shoulder as she made guacamole to accompany their homemade enchiladas. She placed her utensils down before walking over to wear he perched against the counter, too invested in their conversation to multitask. 

“I mean even you have to admit that Jon’s brooding demeanor is sexy??” 

“I’ll never admit that!” 

Charlotte almost doubled over in laughter at the incredulous look on Michael’s face. 

“Reasonable crush or not,” she struggled to say as she reigned in her laughter. “I know I’m right. Mark my words, by the end of episode 1, Jon Snow’ll be alive and kicking. His character arc isn’t over yet.” 

“Wanna place a wager about that, honey bee?” 

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Sure… cause I know I’ll win,” she teased. 

“Loser has to give the winner massages, anytime requested, for a month.” 

“Two!” Charlotte interjected. She merely smirked. “What can I say? I’m feeling lucky today for some reason.”

“Oh for some reason? Could it be cause a certain actress, as of today, is now Tony-nominated Charlotte Bennett - soon to be Tony Award winning Charlotte Bennett-Jordan,” he amended with his perfect boyish grin that made her roll her eyes and giggle. 

“Maybe” she challenged with a modest look on her face. “Just… feeling inspired.”

 And the day had been inspired indeed as Charlotte woke up to the highly anticipated nominations announcement. Her first real shot at a lifelong dream, finally realized. When they said her name among the nominees for Lead Actress in a Musical, she felt the world stop on its axis. Everything she thought she had lost was hers again. 

Michael had been ecstatic for her, though not nearly as surprised by the news as she had been. If there was one person he would always bet on, it was his girl. And so they spent the entire day celebrating and Charlotte loved every moment of it. She had missed the version of Michael today brought out. Playful and silly, joking and laughing with her over mundane things, arguing with gusto about controversial storytelling opinions, going on tangents about his upcoming roles and his research. She missed his uninhibitedness, how he was unafraid to pull her into his arms, and be unrestrained. She just missed him. 

“Is that right?” he remarked as he reached for her, Charlotte playfully sliding out of his grasp so he could not catch her. 

Feeling emboldened by their return to some semblance of normalcy, she continued the game, giggling as she continued shifting out of his grasp as he reached for her. His eyes had a mischievous glint to them as he caught onto her game and soon they were in a full chase around the kitchen. 

Laughter filled the living room as they played their game of cat and mouse. By the time they were circling each other around the coffee table in the living room like opponents in the ring, Charlotte knew she was caught. She would have to concede and accept defeat, but she hoped that her capture would lead to a reignition of far more enjoyable games. 

She took off running by their couch, knowing Michael would grab her immediately and likely jokingly toss her onto it. However, as she rounded the corner, her foot caught onto the leg of their table, sending the clumsy actress hurling down to their carpet. She threw her arm out to break her fall, a searing pain shooting through her wrist as she landed on her stomach. 

She groaned as she lost her breath on the impact, immediately curling into a tight ball as the fall reignited a dull pain in her freshly healed ribs. She cradled her wrist against her chest as she tried to fill her lungs with air again.

“Fucking… idiot,” she forced out as breathing started to feel less like an Olympic task. 

“Shit! Baby, baby… Els. Talk to me, you ok??” 

She simply nodded as she used her good arm to lift herself up and turn around. 

“Yea, yea, I’m good. Just… annoyingly… clumsy,” she pushed out a chuckle as Michael helped her shift off the floor and onto the couch cushions. “As God… likes to remind me.”  

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, baby.” Charlotte was almost startled when she finally looked up at him, hovering above her. His eyes frantically searched her body for injury, his face blanched as if he had been startled by a ghost. His phone trembled in his hands as he rushed to unlock it. “Let me call your doctor… or… shit, your concussion just healed… Did you hit your head on anything?? We should get it checked anyway. Maybe I should just call an ambulance?? Gonna call an ambulance. Anywhere else hurt?? Your ribs? It didn’t get the same spot he… Probably wasn’t hard enough to bruise them but we should get it checked too… how’s you-” 

“Hey, hey, whoa. Slow down, baby,” she cradled the left side of his face, forcing him to slow down and go quiet for a moment. She could almost hear his heart hammering against his chest. “Take a deep breath, Bakari. I’m ok. Just a danger to myself and your expensive furniture,” she joked, hoping to calm him with humor, which didn’t work in the slightest. “Thank god I didn’t fall into the table. I know how much all this set you back. No need for doctors or ambulances. I promise. I’m good.” 

She bit down on her inner cheek to avoid the wince as one subtle movement let her know her wrist was, at best, sprained. She kept it limp by her side as Michael helped her to her feet. But the look on Michael’s face made her question whether sharing that now would only make things worse. So she said nothing at all. 

“I shouldn’t have chased after you like that. I should’ve moved faster when I saw you fall.” 

“We were having fun. We’re allowed, you know?” 

“Hurting you ain’t fun, Els. You’re hurt. Where?” 

“I hurt myself, you didn’t do anything. And I just hit the side of the table as I went down, I think. It hurts but will probably feel fine tomorrow. I’m ok, I swear.” 

“You sure?” She could see the disbelief in his eyes but she kept her face upbeat, ignoring the throbbing ache branching out from her wrist. 

“Yes,” she chuckled. “Now, can we go back to enchiladas and margs and debating the narrative choices of Game of Thrones? And celebrating the biggest day of my career? We still gotta pop that very expensive bottle of champagne Chris sent. Please? I’m really ok.” 

Her words convinced him to return to the kitchen where dinner waited. But they could not restore the carefree, celebratory aura they had 5 minutes ago. Instead, only that awful tension remained, leading to an uncomfortable silence that Charlotte could not break. 

Michael’s thoughts were no longer on their date night, but clearly preoccupied. Charlotte could almost see the wheels of guilt spiraling out in his brain. Her mildly funny dad jokes fell on deaf ears, her questions and prompts for conversation were met with silence or one word answers. Occasionally, she felt his eyes on her, studying her for signs of pain or discomfort. But thankfully, he found none and did not notice her first couple awkward bites using her nondominant left hand. 

She had every intention of telling him about her wrist once he calmed down but that moment never came. She tried to fight her way through the rest of the night, the couple even trying to catch up on a tv show together. But their usual vibrant commentary was silent as Charlotte stole worried glances at Michael and he did the same to her. 

She did not even understand how they got here. How he was this upset when the entire incident was her own fault. After all, what clumsy person thinks it’s smart to start a high-speed chase in their living room? She felt as if this was the best outcome she could have hoped for. 

“Michael… babe. You can’t just go silent on me,” she muttered grumpily, her frustration getting the better of her. “What’s wrong?” 

She had been doing as her therapist recommended, practicing understanding and grace as Michael navigated his emotions after everything. But as more time passed, she was simply too ready to move forward and growing frustrated with his lack of interest in doing so. He was stuck, firmly planted, and no amount of tugging on her part felt like it would get him out of it. 

The lack of intimacy in their relationship seeped into all aspects of their lives, including how they slept together. While they knew different rooms were simply too much distance for them, the furthest apart they could go were their separate corners of the bed. Charlotte tossed and turned most nights without her human weighted blanket draped over her. She understood the shift when her ribs were healing but he still held himself back from her, even after the all clear from her doctor. There were no playful touches or cuddling briefly before falling asleep, no more rolling away to cool off and Michael finding his way right back to her. They rolled to their corners after a chaste and subdued goodnight kiss before they both fell into restless sleep. 

But tonight, she supposed the distance worked in her favor, giving her space to gently elevate her wrist. She knew she would regret not icing it in the morning but somehow that seemed more inviting than opening that can of worms with Michael right before bed. 

“Just worried you aggravated your injuries or somethin’. You sure nothin’ else hurts? You can’t always tell right away?” 

She knew what she should have said. The truth. That she needed an ice pack and a doctor. But she didn’t. In that split second, she knew he would never let this go if he knew she was actually hurt. And she could not deal with that. It was just a sprain anyway, she reasoned. She had dealt with far worse. 

“I’m sure. Really. I didn’t fall off a ladder, I tripped. It’s fine. But if you’re gonna get stressed every time I fall, I’d rethink getting on this ride for life. You’ll be in for a hella stressful one.” Her tone was filled with amusement that finally did, minimally, tug at the corners of his lips. She leaned over and pressed another kiss to his cheek. “Accidents happen and I’m not made of glass. Now take a deep breath and get some rest. Love you.” 

She turned over and closed her eyes, hoping that her words would be enough. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew they would not be. 

But sleep was not something Michael would find tonight as he stared at the ceiling, wallowing in this stabbing guilt in his chest. He did not particularly want to be awake with his thoughts but he knew sleep was not a reprieve either. This monster, this fear chasing him and making him feel and behave in ways he knew were utterly irrational, haunted him every minute of every day. 

And all he knew was that he had to stay alert, stay ahead of it and protect his girl. Because the one time he wasn’t watching close enough, wasn’t listening or paying attention close enough, she got hurt. He would not let that happen ever again. 

***

Spring had officially settled into the New York City air but today, Charlotte was grateful for the lingering morning brisk that required long sleeves, praying it would hide the swelling on her wrist until she left for work. She grimaced and struggled to get her jacket on without moving her wrist much.  Some idiotic part of her had hoped it would magically feel better this morning. But that was dumb. So she was leaving a bit early to carve out time for an urgent care visit. But she knew Michael would never let it go if he found out. 

They had started to turn a new leaf and find their rhythm again. And Charlotte wanted to preserve that, not giving her fiance any more reasons to coddle her to death. Besides, Charlotte much preferred the old version of him to this one overprotective one. 

She turned it over in her head most of the night and decided that it didn’t serve them to make a fuss over something so small when it was clear Michael harbored some unfounded guilt. She’d get it fixed and pass it off as a rehearsal injury. No harm, no foul. 

Michael emerged from their bedroom with his work bag and shoes in tow as she finished putting on her coat.

“You ready?” He flopped down on the coach to put on his sneakers, Charlotte pausing with an eyebrow raised in confusion. 

“Where are you headed?” 

“With you.”

All good things must come to an end, she groaned to herself. She thought they had finally moved past him accompanying her to work every day like a guard dog. Some good things were simply too brief. 

“Michael… I thought we agreed you didn’t need to come with me anymore?” Her tone couldn’t hide her annoyance, and she didn't particularly care to. “I went to the theater by myself like a big girl all last week and was totally fine.”

“I’m not bothering anyone sittin’ in a theater watchin’ you practice, Charlotte.” 

“Yea no one except me,” she muttered just loud enough for him to hear. A wounded look crossed his eye for a moment that made her feel guilty. “Sorry, sorry. That was rude. I just thought… we were settling back into normal life again. I don’t need a babysitter when you pay for me to have a bodyguard anytime I leave this apartment. I’ll be fine.”   

“There’s nothing wrong with extra protection. You need it. At least till he’s in prison.” 

“I don’t actually. I can handle it.” 

“No, you can’t.” 

Charlotte paused, slowly turning in surprise as silent frustration morphed into roaring anger. “Excuse me? Who are you to decide that?” She paused. “Wait, wait, wait. Is this still about last night??”

“Nah.” 

“You sure? Cause you were fine before last night and now you’re back to being unnecessarily overprotective.”

“I don’t think it’s unnecessary.” 

“Why?? Cause I tripped over my own feet? I’m gonna get hurt, injure myself and you can’t freak out like this everytime. I’m a magnet for accidents who bruises like a fruit. I’m fine. You can’t keep acting like we’re still at DEFCON1. We’re not. Things are getting back to normal, can’t we just enjoy that? Please? For me?” 

He studied her for a moment before nodding softly, throwing his bag down on the couch. She closed the space between them and kissed him softly on his cheek. 

“Thank you. I am heading to the theater. I’ll call you when I get there. Love you.” Not thinking, she went to grab for her discarded bag with her injured arm before the pain forced her to awkwardly change course and use her other hand. She started to move toward the elevator when she heard his voice stop her. 

“Wait! There something wrong with your arm?” Michael’s voice reached her as she was pressing the elevator button to the lobby.  

“No, why?” She was so close. Literally steps away. How had she fucked this up? 

“Because I saw you strugglin’ to put your jacket on and you just avoided using that arm like you couldn’t. And now that I think about it, I haven’t seen you move it all morning.”

“Jesus… you get trained by the CIA at some point or something?” 

“Charlotte. I’m serious. What’s wrong with your arm?” 

“Nothing, Michael.” 

“You’re really gonna lie to my face right now? Ok… Move it.”

“Michael…” 

“Charlotte.”

She could always tell when Michael was serious, when he did not want to be trifled with. It was just rare that he had to direct that tone at her. But hearing it now, she felt resigned. She would have to tell him the truth and she could already tell.. 

This was going to fucking suck. 

“Ok fine. I tried to break my fall last night and my wrist hurts a bit. It’s nothing.”

“Fuck, Charlotte!” He closed the space between them quickly, only pausing when he noticed the almost unnoticeable jerk of her body away from him. He could tell she started to flinch but caught herself, not that that made it hurt any less. He held his hands out as he took the last couple of steps to her side. He gently reached for her arm, pushing her sleeves out of the way to find her wrist swollen and red. “It’s sprained or broken. Why didn’t you tell me last night?? I asked you hella times if you were hurt. I knew we should’ve gone to the hospital o-or called a doctor.” 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you!” She cried out in frustration as she watched the love of her life turn into this person she did not even recognize. “Because I knew you’d lose it. I knew you’d force me to spend the night in the ER regardless of what I wanted. I’m tired of you coddling me like I can’t make decisions, Michael!” 

“So cause you’re mad at me… you lied to me? Again??? After you promised you wouldn’t do that shit again.” 

Charlotte scoffed. “It’s hardly the same thing! This was literally nothing! A few weeks in a brace and I’m fine. So yes, I omitted a minor injury so you wouldn’t feel the need to take control! So you wouldn’t focus 100% of your attention on every stage of healing of my wrist or whether a fall triggered PTSD somehow. I have this under control and handled. I don’t need help. I. am. Fine. I don’t know why you aren’t listening to me when I say that.” 

“Maybe because had I listened to you the last time you said that, I would’ve come back from LA to plan your funeral!”

Charlotte’s comeback died in her throat as his words caught her off guard. She didn’t think about… that. It was a simple statement of fact. But she didn’t really dwell on it, how close she came to losing everything, how she only survived because someone else was there to save her. That she would have died as the woman he created - weak and broken - and not the person she believed she fashioned herself into. 

No, those were truths Charlotte had no interest in dealing with. So she forced her reaction to remain neutral, ignoring the ache in her chest that had nothing to do with physical pain. 

“So you’re just gonna hold that against me for the rest of our relationship? Just never believe me o-or take my word for anything ever again?”

“No but-” 

“Cause that’s what it’s starting to feel like.”

“It wouldn’t if you were just honest! I’m trying to help you.” 

Charlotte took a deep breath before turning to hit the button on the elevator door. 

“Ok… Honesty… Well, honestly, I’m getting a little tired of being called a liar when all I’m trying to do is help us. Honestly, I’m not sure how you expect me to be vulnerable when you aren’t listening to me. Honestly, I’m tired of convincing the man I love that I’m not gonna fall apart every second because he can’t stop treating me like I’m gonna fall apart every fucking second. Honestly, I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only person trying to move past this. And honestly, today, I don’t want your help. Because reminding me with every look and action that I’m a victim when all I want is to continue celebrating the biggest accomplishment of my career isn’t helping me. It’s just more of what everyone else in my life does. And honestly, I’m. Tired. Of. It.” 

She punched the elevator button hard, a soft chime letting her know it arrived almost instantaneously. Thank God. 

“So, want any more honesty for today or are we good?”  

“That’s not wha-” 

“I have an interview in 20 minutes and I can’t be late.” She cut him off, pressing the elevator button in rapid succession as if that would conjure it faster. “See you tonight.” 

And with that, Charlotte stormed out, leaving Michael alone with his frustrations and guilt. Charlotte was rarely angry at him but he could tell she was reaching a new height of frustration. But he did not know how to stop. Even standing there, equally as pissed off at her as she was with him, all he wanted to do was rush after her to go with her to work. He could be pissed and still protect her, right? 

He despised the fact that she claimed he was not hearing her. He was listening, far more intensely than she realized. Which is how he knew that all was not well for her, how he knew she needed the extra support even if she did not want to admit it. 

And then to find out that she kept something significant from him again. Had he not proven to her that he was going to be present? And protect her from every threat? Did she not consider him capable of fixing her problems, of helping her? That made him only want to prove himself more, prove he could protect her from anything that came her way. 

But he didn’t know how to get her to see that he was doing what he had to protect her, to not fail her again.  

“Wow. Ok… a lot to unpack there,” Dr. Matthews muttered. “Charlotte, did you mean what you said? About him not helping you?” 

“Well… kind of? At the moment, yes. He’s been helpful in a lot of ways, don’t get me wrong. And I love him for it. It’s just… I lied because… I mean shit, I just wanted one day. One day to not be a survivor or victim or be reminded that Shaun tried to ruin yet another thing in my present. In fact, I wanted to celebrate that even though he tried to ruin this for me, I still came out on top. But it’s like - and I don’t even think he’s doing it on purpose, which it’s been so hard to tell him - Michael can’t not remind me of it. It’s in every look, every touch, every decision. It’s like all he sees is the broken woman on that bathroom floor. And I don’t want to be made to feel like her when she’s dead and buried.”

“Michael, do you hear what Charlotte’s saying?” 

“Yea, and I understand it but… what else am I supposed to do?? What if he comes back? What if he attacks her again? I need to be there to protect her.” 

“He’s not gonna come back!”

“You don’t know that! Did you think he was gonna basically change his job so he could get closer to you? I’m not gonna underestimate that nigga… ever again.” 

“Oh and I did? I underestimated the man I slept next to for years? I’m the only one here who actually knows what he is capable of!” 

“Clearly you did if you thought you could take him on yourself.” 

“Right because I’m just a weakling who needs big strong men to swoop in and save her at every turn because I got hurt once?” 

“It wasn’t on-”  

“Okay okay, once again, deep breaths. Whew… the soul mates ones are always the most intense. Can’t even get a word in in my own office,” Tanya remarked. “Ok, you want to know what I hear? Two people who, despite their immense love and adoration for each other, aren’t actually ready to be vulnerable with each other. And without that, you’ll never understand the other person’s perspective because you’ll never have the full story and you’ll keep bumping heads.” 

“We know how to be vulnerable?” Charlotte argued back. “I mean even telling Michael what happened to me in the first place, sharing that was me being vulnerable.” 

“It was and that’s brave and admirable. I don’t doubt that you two have had moments where you offer vulnerability. But this situation you find yourselves in is unique and trauma, our fears, are often the hardest to share with others. I think you both are acting from a fear-based place and that’s understandable but you’ll never be able to move forward. Instead, you’ll just keep holding tight to behaviors you both know don’t serve you or your relationship.” 

“I’m not scared,” Charlotte remarked. “Maybe this would be easier if I was… at least then his behavior would be understandable.” 

“We all have fears, Charlotte. And I do think there’s a reason you opt for dismissing and lying about your own pain as if it’s insignificant. And it could just be an ingrained behavior but I think you need to ask yourself if there’s another reason you don’t trust the foundation of this relationship enough to be honest with Michael when things aren’t going well. And Michael, getting worked up to the point of distress over simple injuries, not being able to let your partner out of your sight… that’s not healthy or sustainable for either of you. And that’s more than general anxiety. And in our first session, you admitted that to us both. So ask yourself why you’ve reverted to something you know doesn’t work? Whatever the reasons are, I can help you both navigate all of it. But you’ve gotta be honest with yourselves and me about the reasons behind it. Until you’re ready to share with each other how that night changed you and your relationship, you’re just gonna keep having this argument until you break. And I don’t think either of you really want that?” 

The both of them shook their heads, her words were harsh but they both knew there was a ring of truth to them. 

“Okay good. So homework for this week is to do just that. Sit with yourselves, really sit with everything the other person said today and try to examine it. Not from a defensive posture like you’ve been doing but like you know the other person loves you and has your best interests at heart. And figure out the why behind your behavior. Keep asking why until you drill down to whatever is truly bothering you. Then… I don’t care when or how, whether you wait till our next session or do it while you’re alone, you’re gonna have to tell the other person your why. And to be honest… it’s gonna suck. But that’s the only way you’re gonna make it to the other side of this. Sound good?”

Charlotte glanced over to Michael who gave her a slight nod. He reached across the cushions and gave her hand a squeeze. 

“Sounds good.”  

***

Michael glanced over at Charlotte, her deep brown eyes set with sadness and far away from him as she changed out of her costume. He would have been more worried if that look had not been a staple in her eyes since their therapy session a few days prior. Whether it was the lingering silence and coldness between them or the reflection Dr. Matthews tasked them with, he did not know. But he knew one thing: he hated it. 

And as much as he knew it would suck, he was ready to do his part to end that. Whether or not he felt as if he was doing the right thing, his time reflecting made him realize that if Charlotte did not agree, he was doing the complete wrong thing. He didn’t have to sit with himself long to understand his why, understand what fears had him in a tight vise grip. As much as he dreaded saying it out loud, part of him dreaded an endless stream of sleepless, lonely nights even more. 

He missed his honeybee. His Els. He missed who they were before Shaun waltzed back into their lives. And he knew some of it was on him. He could not force Charlotte to trust him again, but he could be a better listener so he could show up however she needed when she asked… not when he decided she needed him.  

“Wanna grab dinner nearby tonight? Instead of heading home?” 

“Not really up for it. Been a long day.” 

He bowed his head, nodding slightly. “Neither am I,” he admitted. “But I think we gotta try.” 

He knew he was asking a lot of her after the days they had. They had whiplash going from the highest of highs to a low so low, it felt as if they couldn’t climb their way out. But he wouldn’t lose her and he wouldn’t allow him to break them. So they would try. 

And soon they found themselves in a near-deserted 24 hour diner next to the theater, Charlotte stopping in her tracks when he went to open the front door.

“You wanna eat here?” 

“Yea I know it doesn’t look like much andd I definitely saw a mediocre health rating when I was here earlier but well, I had a whole reason. We can go somewhere else though.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “No, no. It’s fine. It’s just… God is funny, I guess.” 

“What do you mean?” Michael asked as they situated themselves in a booth at the very back of the restaurant. Michael sat with his back to the door, not his preferred arrangement but he wanted to minimize the chance of a random stranger recognizing them. 

“I’ve been here before… when I left Shaun.” She pointed to a worn out booth on the other side. “Sat right in that booth over there with Jazz and it was the first time I admitted to anyone what was going on. We sat here for hours, drinking terrible cheap coffee and she saved my life. Just telling her, saying it out loud, gave me the confidence I needed to do what I had to. A week later, Shaun was at a bachelor’s party in Vegas and I was gone. Shocked it's still standing. How’d it catch your eye?” 

“Came in here yesterday during the show and… reflected. Over about 6 plates of greasy fries and cheap terrible coffee.”

“Oof, reflection. I guess that explains the six plates of fries huh?” she joked with a light teasing smile that made him chuckle. “Seems like that’s our needed reflection fuel” she remarked as the lone waitress came to take their order. Once she returned to the diner counter, Charlotte continued. “And what did you learn?” 

“My why.” 

“And are you ready to tell me?”

“Yes but then… if you’re ready, I need yours. Because I think you know yours already too?” 

“How’d you know?” He knew her far too well.  

“Cause you would’ve tossed and turned even more than usual the last few nights if you didn’t. That genius brain of yours would’ve never let you sleep.” He teased back at her, Charlotte laughing lightly. 

“I don’t know if I like how well you know me.” 

“I do… know you. And I see you, Els. So I know I’ve been overbearing and probably annoying, Charlotte. And I’m sorry for how that made you feel, like you weren’t being heard and I never want you to feel that way with me again. But you aren’t being honest with me or yourself and I can’t move on till you are.” 

“You’re right,” she admitted. “You’re… absolutely right. I haven’t been and I know why. I just… it’s not even admitting it to you. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, really. So let’s agree… no judgments, no anger, no arguing… Just our ridiculously painful reflections and ugly truths laid out in a rundown crappy diner. My future is with you and there’s no future here if we can’t talk about the hard shit. So… let’s talk” 

“Ok I’m in.” 

“Pickers of the terrible diner first,” she smiled half heartedly, turning the table over to him. Her hands wrapped around the warm mug the waitress dropped off moments earlier. 

Michael sighed, his eyes trained on the cast on her arm for a few moments. Charlotte’s eyes widened as she saw his eyes brim with tears. He glanced away from her, sniffling a bit to stop them from spilling over. She reached across the table and grasped his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“Bakari… baby. It’s just me. Just the two of us. You’ve been so strong for me our entire relationship and I love you so much for it. But you also have to trust me to be vulnerable, trust that I can be strong for you too. Talk to me. No matter what you say, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Michael nodded, internally working up the courage before he just decided to jump. Head first into it. That was always their way anyway, just leaping into what felt right and safe. And they had yet to crash and burn. They wouldn’t this time either. 

“A couple days after everything, I had this… dream. We were back in LA, married, livin’ together at the house. We h-had kids. Two boys, I think. I mean you would’ve thought time just sped up or something, it was so real. Everything I want for us, you know?” 

“It sounds perfect. I’m guessing it didn’t end that way though?” 

The back of his hand brushed away an escaped tear. 

“Nah, it didn’t. I came home and you were there. And so was Shaun,” he paused, his hand squeezing hers a bit before he continued. “He had a gun and he just voiced every guilty feeling living in my head. How I prioritized a fuckin’ movie role over you, how I went to LA even though I knew something wasn’t right. How you almost died and I could’ve been too late. How you probably think I’m like him when you flinch away or get scared of me. And the worst part was you agreed with all of it. You screamed at me for failing you.” 

“Michael, you gotta know I-” 

“J-just let me get this out, Els.” He sniffled and took a deep breath before continuing, “I woke up as he pulled the trigger and I freaked out for a minute. I’d just never had a dream feel so real. I reached and still there, and you flinched away from me. And it… fuck, it killed me, Els. It felt like God affirming everything I thought, all the ways I’d failed you. You didn’t trust me anymore, didn’t see me as safe. And every time I hear you cry in the shower because you think I can’t hear you o-or diminish your pain as if I shouldn’t care or act as if you aren’t worth being taken care of and protected, it reminds me that I can’t fail you again. I can’t afford to fail you again. I know I’ve been overprotective but I just… I can’t stop looking over our shoulders for him. Terrified I’m going to miss the signs again and this time, I’ll lose you.” 

Charlotte’s heart broke a bit at his words. Why had she not considered this? She thought he put all of his guilt and blame to rest but to know he had been harboring it for so long, everything made so much more sense. And she felt like the world’s biggest idiot. 

“Hey. Look at me,” she demanded, not speaking until his expressive eyes were trained on hers. “There hasn’t been a single day since I met you that you’ve failed me. I d-don’t need you to try and prove you’re my safe place or that you can protect me. You just are that by existing, by loving me and showing up for me. And yea… it might take some more time for my body to catch up, but that isn’t on you. That’s on me for not dealing with it. And PTSD is just a fucking bitch,” she chuckled, causing the deep creases of his frown slack a bit. “But I don’t blame you, not then or now. I lied to you, Michael.” 

“But I should’ve-” 

“Should’ve what? Been a mind reader? Sacrificed a job on a hunch? That’s not a fair expectation for yourself, baby. Nor would I have ever wanted or expected you to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime for me. I don’t need a savior, I just need you to be there as best you can. And even when I didn’t realize how much I needed you, you did and came back for me. How could I ever think a man who sees me as clearly as that is a failure?”  

“You asked me to move here to protect you. And I didn’t. And now he’s back out there and I need to know you’re safe until he isn’t a threat to you anymore. You were gone for five minutes, Els. That was all it took. And now, it feels like if you’re out of my sight for long, I just spend the time on the verge of a damn panic attack.” 

“I asked you to come with me to make me feel safe, to love me, and support me. Not to be a bodyguard. And that’s what you’ve done and more. You know what I love about how you love me?” 

“What?” 

“You’ve always seen me. Every little detail, every word, every oddity and intricacy. You see everything and your love has always reflected that, has always been exactly what I needed. But you can’t love me like that if you can’t see me. And you can’t see me fully if you’re always looking over my shoulder for him.” 

“And if he comes back around? What then?” 

“Then we deal with him. I know he could come back and there’s not much I can do about it. The only thing I can do is not waste my time, our time, waiting for him to knock on our door. He can’t be our anchor, holding us in one spot when we need to move forward. What kind of life would that be for us? I never felt like I could win against him but this made me realize that I win every day by thriving. He tried to hurt me on the opening night of my show and in June, I could potentially win a Tony for that show while he waits to go to prison. That feels like victory in some way to me. And I can live with that. I can live every day knowing that every time he’s shown up, I’ve just come out on the other side stronger and better for it. I could waste my life waiting around for him or I can live it. And I just need to live my life. And we just have to be us. And more than anything, I just want us back.” 

“I want us back too. But I can’t do that if you aren’t even being honest about how you’re feeling and what you need.” 

She sighed. “So I guess it’s my turn, huh?” 

She stared at him for a few moments before saying, “When I left New York, he had taken everything. My identity, self-esteem, personhood. He took it all and left me with the scraps. And for a while, even with the entire country between us… I still lived in terror of him. Afraid of my shadow, afraid to speak without permission… to look people in the eye. I could put on the character of Charlotte to perform for a couple hours a night or for a day on set but what he created was just a shell of a person. And I hated myself for it.” 

Charlotte glanced out of the window at the cars rushed past them, the city that never sleeps indeed. 

“And eventually I put myself back together and I said he’d never break me again… never take that power again.” 

She glanced over to him. “And then he showed up here a-and I realized that terror wasn’t gone… I just let it go so quiet that I forgot it was there. And the moment I saw him, it was like I was that broken girl all over again. When he hit me, while I laid on the ground apologizing to him, you know what he said? ‘There she is… the real Charlotte.’ Like he knew I had dressed up the shell all pretty and different but on the inside? I was… am still hollow… still his broken scared plaything who couldn’t fight him.” 

Michael’s heart broke at how despondent her voice sounded. But as hard as it was for her to admit that, he could not pretend he was not glad she did. This was easily the most honest Charlotte had been with him in their entire relationship, the most revealing about her own insecurities and pain. And regardless of what it took to get there, he knew what a monumental step forward this was. 

He doubted therapy would do much for them, or him individually, at the beginning but Dr. Matthews seemed to hit a home run yet again. 

“But you did fight back, Els. You fought him.” 

“I fought him because of you. Because I saw you in the crowd. Because you came back for me. And I should’ve told you that. You’ve spent almost two months believing you failed me when you saved my life twice that night. I fought and without you, I would’ve lost. I dunno, I guess I just didn’t want to admit that when it comes to him, I’ll always be broken? I’ll always be hollow. And that felt like admitting that all that work and healing to create the woman you fell in love with, the woman I was finally proud of, was a lie. And why would you want to be with a shell? And everytime you treated me like this fragile broken flower, it just felt like you were agreeing that I hadn’t changed too? And that just made me want to prove that I had.”

“Honey bee… You really believe that? That you’re a shell?” 

She shrugged. “What else am I supposed to think? I worked so hard and when I had the chance to show him that I was different, I froze until I knew there was someone bigger and stronger to help me.”

“You wanna know what I believe?” 

“Always.” 

“I think you gotta start giving yourself more grace, baby girl. To survive what you have and be where you are today? You didn’t need me or Jazz or Lauren or Jackson or anyone else to do that, that’s just you. And I’m not even talking about your insane roster of accomplishments. You’re light, baby. I mean literal light, you lighten up every room you walk into, people gravitate toward you in a way I’ve never seen. No one would blame you for being jaded or hardened but you aren’t. You laugh loudly and love hard. You aren’t hollow, Els. You’re overflowing with life and love and light. That’s strength. And acknowledging how he hurt you, how it still hurts you, doesn’t diminish that.” 

“I don’t want to acknowledge that version of me, Michael. Especially not with you. This isn’t a part of me I ever wanted you to see. Didn’t think… you could love me the same if you saw how broken I am. I guess that’s why I’ve also been pretending like I’m fine. Dealing with all this and being open about it… I don’t wanna turn you off.” 

“I wanna see it though, Els. I need to understand you, to support you. I’d marry you tomorrow if we could. You thought it’d be this easy to get rid of me?” 

“Falling into a million pieces after a stalking ex felt like it would be enough? You must really be in love with me then?” Though she meant it as a statement, he could hear the question in her words, her intonation spelling out her doubts. 

“No number of stalking exes could make me fall outta love with you. And there’s no reaction you could have, no number of nightmares or whatever that would do it either. I ain’t going anywhere. I love you and I should be supporting you the way you need it, not however I think is right. I knew that and I still haven’t been doing it and I’m sorry for that.” 

As they talked, Charlotte felt lighter than she had since Shaun waltzed back into her life. Unburdening all of her fears and actually talking to Michael made her feel like they could actually take a step forward, even if it was a series of baby steps. 

“Thank you and I can’t promise that tomorrow I’ll just be an open book. But I promise to try harder to be. I used to have to hide everything from everyone. No one knew the real story cause if I was honest, everything would fall apart and I thought I’d lose everyone. And I guess I convinced myself that going at it alone is the only way to avoid that? And this made me realize that… that’s all I know how to do. But I know I can’t go at it alone all the time and I shouldn’t. Our love was built to withstand a lot more than I give it credit for. So I will try harder and be more honest about how I’m feeling with you. Keeping things from you isn’t right, regardless of the reason. And you deserve better than that. I’m sorry too.” 

“Apology accepted. I know it won’t be easy for either of us, I ain’t expecting that. Let’s just promise that everyday, we’ll try?” 

“That I can do.” Charlotte studied him for a moment before getting up and scooching into the booth next to him. 

She threw caution to the wind and pressed her lips to his. The first second was tentative, as if she was mentally prepared for his sudden rejection. But instead he merely encouraged her, a gentle hand cradling her neck in an effort to bring her closer. And she leaned into it, savoring the renewed intimacy between them. All was not perfect and there was still work to do but she realized that with Michael, she didn’t need perfection. She just needed him. 

She only broke their intimate moment when she remembered they were most certainly in a public place. It hadn’t felt like it but she often felt like, when she was focused on Michael, everyone and everything around them melted away. But she also didn’t want a photo on the shade room tomorrow of them making out in a random diner. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For being here and loving me.” 

“Always, Els.”   

***

Michael let out a deep content sigh as he found himself back in his favorite sleeping spot, his face buried in the nook of her neck. 

“Fuck I missed this.” 

“Me too… you’re a really good weighted blanket.” 

“Damn, that’s all I’m good for??” 

Charlotte made a face as if she was contemplating his other qualities. “Yea… that and other fun bedtime activities,” she offered with a joking smile. 

“Say the word and I can show you just how good I am at those activities too.” 

“Not tonight. But only cause I know you’re gonna wanna make up for lost time and I want us to actually stay awake for it.” 

“I’d prefer you be awake too,” he muttered sleepily, the late hour starting to get to him. 

Charlotte could feel the tell-tale signs of Michael starting to drift off but despite the late hour, she found her brain unwilling to turn off as she thought about them. And how lucky she was to be with him. Weeks of disagreement and strife but they still found their way back to each other, found safety and refuge to reveal their fears and actually come closer together after so much time apart. 

If asked, Charlotte wasn’t sure she could find the words to articulate the love she had for this man and the love she felt from him. She never believed she would find this - someone who loved her so deeply, so purely. Someone whose love didn’t hurt. Who loved her scars she saw as ugly and the parts of her that she hid from the world, the parts that were barely bandaged together. For some unknown reason, he did. And he chose every day to love her through it all. 

The painful stinging of tears behind her eyes hit her as she sniffled. This is what hope and excitement about the future felt like, something that before Michael she rarely felt. Because regardless of what happened with her career or anything else, she couldn’t wait to build her life with him. This love was light and everything she hoped for but didn’t believe she deserved. And for the first time since the incident, she wasn’t scared to lose it. She no longer felt like she was watching their love story in fear of the end, but that she was watching it blossom. Because this was just the beginning of their story. 

“You good?” he asked as she sniffled quietly, lifting his head to find her eyes glistening in the dark with tears. “What’s wrong, honey bee??” 

“Nothing, nothing. These are happy tears, I think. I just… Marry me.” 

Michael let out a confused chuckle. “I know it was a crazy few days back then but you remember I already did this right? Proposed?” 

She reached over and turned on their bedside lamp, Michael shifting so she could sit up. 

“Yessss I know. I’m not reproposing. I’d never propose to a man, goes against my religion. I’m saying… Marry me… now. Well, not now as in here,” she amended quickly. “I mean, we’re in bed and we don’t have a marriage license but I don’t wanna wait.” 

“Els… don’t say that shit if you don’t mean it. It’s been a long few days, an emotional few months. We don’t gotta rush if you aren’t ready…”

Michael did not want to get ahead of himself or too excited, worried that she was swept up in the emotions of the day. After all, deciding to get married right away was something he would usually suggest, not her. She has always been the more cautious one where they were concerned. But he could not deny that if she was serious, she would be making him the happiest man on this planet. He was so ready to be her husband, to vow to love her for the rest of his days. He was dreading the year+ it would likely take to find the right time for a wedding given their schedules. He had bounced around ideas of smaller, intimate destination weddings in the fall but they hadn’t found the right fit yet.  

“I’m not rushing. I can see how it looks like that but this isn’t rushing. And I know we still have shit to figure out. I just… It’s gonna sound cliche but whatever time I have with you, whatever time I have to love you and be loved by you? I don’t want to waste it. I don’t wanna wait 3 or 4 months till we’re back in LA or however long it’ll take to plan some big wedding I don’t need. You’ve never wasted our time, Bakari. You’ve always been so sure and moved with that assurance. And I’ve never felt rushed by any of it, it’s always just felt right. And this? I feel sure, it feels right. We could wait if you want to, I’ll totally understand. I know this is literally insane. But I’m ready to be your wife, to build a life with you. I’m ready for our next step and I think you are too? Maybe?” 

At his silence, she added. “And it doesn’t have to be a big thing. We can go to the courthouse for all I care.” 

Silence. 

“Say something… please. Before I pray that God let’s the ground swallow me whole from embarrassment.” 

“My bad my bad. I was trying to find the words but then got offended at you thinking I’m gonna give you a courthouse wedding like we’re two teens trying to hide a pregnancy or some shit.” 

“What?? There’s nothing wrong with a courthouse wedding.” 

“Nah there isn’t but what about your family?? Mine? You don’t know how happy this makes me. And I’m all in without hesitation. But you deserve a special day, not a drive by at the courthouse. Give me 30 days, Els. Memorial Day weekend in LA, let me make it special for you.” 

Charlotte transitioned to sitting up on her knees before literally catapulting herself into his arms with pure excitement. Michael had to roll a bit to make sure they didn’t topple right off the bed. 

“We really doing this?? We’re getting married in 30 days?” 

“Yea! I can’t wait to be your wife, Bakari. Besides, you were right, Tony award winning Charlotte Bennett-Jordan has a far better ring to it.” 

“Fuck I love you so much,” his heart could’ve exploded into a million pieces in his chest. There was work to be done but they’d do it together, every day for the rest of their lives. And he couldn’t wait. 

“I love you more.” 

“Impossible.” He stared down at her, licking his lips as his eyes filled with lust. “You awake enough now for me to show you just how much?” 

Charlotte squeezed her legs together as his deep baritone reignited that feeling in her core. His lips searched for her weak spot on the side of her neck, caressing and sucking with the skill of a God. Fuck, it had been too long. But something stopped her. 

“I want you… so bad. But what if we wait until the wedding?” At his incredulous expression, she added, “You know, think about how much more special it’ll be after we’ve reconnected more emotionally after all this, our first time back in a while as husband and wife. It could be really special. What do you think?” 

Michael knew in his brain that she was right, it would be more special and intense after a long bout of celibacy. But the smaller head that controlled some of his decision making… was less than thrilled. 

So he immediately got out of bed and started to walk toward the bathroom. 

“Ok we haven’t had sex in weeks, 30 more days couldn’t have upset you that much??” she called out after him, her surprise clear in her tone. 

Michael turned as he reached the door, smiling his superstar boyish grin at her. “I’m not mad, I’m in. I’m just… gonna jump in the shower.” 

Charlotte doubled over in laughter at him. “Let me guess, a cold one?” 

“Ice cold. You shouldn’t be so irresistible, honey bee.” 

“You’re a mess,” she smiled at him. But he was her mess. And she loved him for it.  

“Maybe but fair warning, you won’t be tapping out that night.” 

She smiled. “As if I’d ever tap out on you. I guess we’ll be sleeping in separate corners tonight again?” 

“We’ll see how effective this cold shower is.” 

She let out a belly laugh as she flopped back into their warm covers and he started the shower. She could hear a girlish shrill noise a few moments later that she suspected was him stepping into the freezing water. She had to use their duvet to muffle the sounds of her giggles as she listened to him mutter expletives as he adjusted to the water temperature. 

“You good in there? Sounds like someone’s dying?” she called loudly over the water, deciding that she couldn’t not tease him for this. 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep??” 

She rolled her eyes with a grin and turned over to try to fall asleep, leaving her future husband to his needed activities. There would be quite a few cold showers and long runs in their future. For the next 30 days at least.

Taglist: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings @pipsqueak-98 @miyuhpapayuh @passionxwrites @gopaperless @injerafiend @ari17

***

A/N: I realized that the last time I updated the main story was like December lol my sweet OG babies... But they're getting married!! I really wanted to explore their recovery and hang ups before moving them forward. The next chapter is their wedding and then our final chapter (can you guess what night that'll be? lol) drop a comment and let me know what you thought!

[amyyythestarry]

Who do you think gave Amane his bruises?

Y’know I’ve been pondering on this for so long. Like I just don’t know really, I have my small little theory so I’ll share it.

I have no idea what was up with his parents during his middle school days ( Last middle school days ), I’ve heard theories that maybe Amane’s parents were absent, and I can see why they think that. He was probably one of those quiet kids that nobody payed much attention to so I don’t think he was bullied.

AND TSUKASA, ever since that ‘Tsukasa SA’s Amane’ theory went viral I just deny any theories saying Tsukasa maybe hurt Amane. I’m traumatized ok 😭.

BUT, I’m trying to be realistic here and say that, maybe, just maybe Tsukasa did cause the injuries. But maybe not on only his account.

When speaking of his ‘abuser’ Amane was really forgiving about the situation, he said that he didn’t care and that he’d put aside all of the violence.

I don’t think he would have said this about anyone else for hurting him. It has to be someone he’s close to, someone he cares about, loves, and cherishes. And I’m pretty sure the only person he feels that way about back then was his only sibling.

But it’s also confusing to think that it would be Tsukasa because of how he acts around Amane. He doesn’t act violent or anything. Tsukasa can be violent though, like with Mitsuba, or apparitions and whoever poses as a threat I guess, but he’s never been even a little bit violent with Amane.

This is just a way that Tsukasa shows affection. He wanted Amane to see the stars, and probably wasn’t aware that he was pinching Amane cheeks too hard.

He’s really cute like that y’know. I believe sometimes he can just innocently, accidentally, hurt someone by being intrigued curious and excited. He’s very non-self aware.

So using the term non-self aware is what I actually imagine him to be most times. Not knowing he’s doing bad things to people, probably until someone tells him he is. Like when Sakura told him to be gentler to girls seeing how he was with Nene the first time.

He looked a little absent there at first, didn’t he? Even while he was about to bash her head he was looking forward. When she stopped him from feeding Mitsuba he just sat there for a minute. Maybe not even acknowledging what he was doing? Just doing it. Like a reflex? Then stops what he’s doing, carries her like a gentleman, apologizes and puts her to sleep so she wouldn’t have to see him shove a bird heart down Mitsuba’s throat ( At least he listened to Sakura ).

I imagine he just came back to his senses when he realized he was about to hurt Nene. Like his brain told him “Hey dude, I need you to stop dissociating, you’re about to become really misogynistic if you don’t gain some self control” ( Lol ).

But yeah. Maybe that stuff happens to him on a daily basis, like he’s not fully aware and mentally there but he’s physically there.

If he was actually the one to cause harm to Amane when they were human, I could see that dissociating thing being the case.

ALSO, he has that wish granting supernatural in him! Like they’re one and everything, being present in the the same body.

I think that supernatural may also be the reason of the abusive Tsukasa back when he was alive ( If he was abusive to Amane ).

Maybe it was like that cartoon ghost possession rep where the character possessed by the ghost switches up every now and then because the ghost is apart of them too.

Him randomly dissociating, not feeling like he’s in his own body and accidentally hurting his twin brother, then coming back to his senses and realizing what he’s doing. I could see that.

Since Amane is his older brother, Amane forgives Tsukasa for the random outburst. Or maybe he notices something is wrong?

Whatever the case might be, I hope in this arc we can at least see more of the Yugi twins’ backstory, especially more of Tsukasa POV.

[sizzleissues]

Swap/mistaken Identities/adribrina

I've done something (never written this ship + rusty FORGIVE ME)

Adrien stayed to the outskirts of the party, carefully trying to appear as if completely uninterested in the entire thing. It was killing him that his first actual party had been upended by Felix and his shenanigans. All he’d said before ditching him was. “Be me, I’ll owe you.” and then run off after Kagami. At least his sour mood helped him look more like Félix.

“Adrien?!” A voice screeched. Adrien turned to acknowledge Chloe storming through the party, the ever-suffering Sabrina doing the apology work behind her. Adrien schooled his expression to one he’d seen frequently on Felix’s face in Chloe’s presence. Chin up, eyes down and disgust visible to everyone bar the subject of his gaze.

“Adrien? What are you doing?” Chloe shoved one final person out of the way. Sabrina righted them before they had the chance to fall, throwing a five euro note in their face when they opened their mouth to complain.

“It’s Felix.”

Chloe scoffed. “Ugh! Is he lying?” She turned to Sabrina who shook her head violently. “Where is he then!? I told everyone he was coming as my date.”

“Maybe he’s sick-.”

“Shut up, Sabrina. I’m talking to myself. Myself. Not you.”

Sabrina shrunk back but surprisingly as Chloe turned back to Adrien her middle finger flipped up. Adrien nearly broke his character to laugh.

“If you aren’t Adrien, do you know where he is?”

He shook his head, not wanting to risk speaking again. He could only capture Felix’s clipped tone occasionally and he was struggling to maintain a straight face as Sabrina continued to mock Chloe behind her back.

“Ugh! You're utterly ridiculous. I’m going outside.” 

She stormed off, leaving Sabrina and Adrien alone. 

“I’d better leave-.” 

“I know it's you, Adrien.” His eyes shot open, giving himself away anyway. Felix would never let people know they’d caught them until he was sure the game was up. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Oh, cool.” He winced, disappointed he’d failed, and looked back out at the party. “How did you figure it out?”

“You were tapping your foot to the song. Felix is very talented but he doesn’t have the same rhythm.”

“You noticed something so small like that?”

Sabrina laughed. “When you're friends with Chloe you get very good at reading people. But I never struggled telling you two apart. You’re way too different.”

AND SCENE

[nessieart]

Teeth pt. 6

|| Bare Your Fangs ||

WC: 3.6k

AN: thanks for being patient! here’s part 6! 

Warnings: Canon level violence, (and there’s so much in IM3 like what?) made up fantasy elements prob’ly, cursing, no y/n used.

Summary: It’s just Iron Man 3, really.

<< Previous || First || Next >>

-*-

There's a faint beeping in the room as you wake, subconsciously squeezing the hand that was in yours.  When you open your eyes, Happy is connected to a ventilator, half his face and his left hand are covered in bandages.  He peeks at you from the corner of his uncovered eye, squeezing your hand with his right gently. 

"I'll be right back, ok?" You say quietly. He's barely conscious when you go to get up and get a coffee from a vending machine down the hall. 

When you return, you take your seat to the right of his bed, the lights are dimmed and you sigh into your drink.  

You must have zoned out, staring off into the void, your coffee long since gone cold.  There's a soft knock at the door and you turn to see Tony standing there.  He's wearing a pair of blue shades on his face.  He has a split lip, his eyebrows are drawn down as he puts his hands in his pockets.

You sniff, you can barely smell, the explosion messed with you more than you thought.  You stare at each other for a long moment before he makes his way into the room.  Behind you there’s a sink and he turns it on, after a moment he’s standing next to you, and then he kneels down and puts his shades on top of his head.  And you’re staring into his whiskey brown eyes.  He takes your cold coffee cup and sets it down, then he takes your chin gently in his hand and brings a cloth to your cheek.  You haven’t seen yourself after the explosion, too preoccupied with what was happening to Happy that you ignored your injuries and appearance.

As Tony wipes away the dirt and soot from your face, his eyes are focused on his task and you can examine his face up close. The bags under his eyes are still present, at least it looks like he's showered.  You don't realize you've brought your hand to his face until his fingers touch your wrist. 

Your thumb grazes the cut on his lip and his eyes close.

"I'm sorry I never told you about Pepper," he says quietly.  His thumb is absently stroking your pulse point on your wrist. 

You hum, you don't think you could forgive him, not yet, but you acknowledge what he said.  

"What happened?" He asks, and you take your hand away from his face to place it in your lap.

"I don't know, it all happened so fast," you say.  Tony wipes the last bit of soot off your face, but he stays kneeling in front of you. "One minute they were arguing and then the next, Happy was protecting me from an explosion."  You look up into his eyes, "Something isn't right about this, Tony, I can feel it."

Tony sighs and stands up, pacing away to the other side of the small hospital room, “I don’t want you getting involved in this, it doesn’t concern you.”

You scoff, “Doesn’t concern me? Tony, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m involved now!  I decided to run in and put myself in harm's way because of someone I know.  I’m not just going to stand by and let this happen again.”

Tony whirls back around to look at you, “You’re covered in bruises, Poppy.  Your whole arm is bandaged!”  You look down at your arm, sure enough it's wrapped in gauze, the burns have probably healed by now.  “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”  His voice goes softer at the end of his sentence.

You get up and walk over to him, he’s breathing heavily when you stop in front of him.  You reach your arms around his torso and hug him, leaning your head next to his arc reactor.

"Nothing's going to happen to me," he goes to protest but you hug him tighter, "I'm tougher than you think, my love."  

You both tense, the term of endearment just slipped out, you didn't mean to say it.  Now it's out in the open.  

You go to pull away but Tony puts his arms around your shoulders and hugs you to him.

He sighs into your hair, mumbling, "I know you're tough.  You've lived a whole lifetime by yourself, but if I can protect you for just a little bit," he squeezes you once more, "then let me." 

You sigh and let him go, “You can try,” you smile up at him and he shakes his head.

-*-

This time when you wake, there's someone solid under you, you peak your eyes open and Tony's stroking your hair lightly.  You hum and snuggle closer.

"Sorry to wake you," he says softly.  You're seated on his lap, Tony's sitting in the chair closest to the window in Happy's room.

Your sense of smell is back now, you realize, and you take a deep inhale of Tony.  It's like all your anxieties from the last few months just wither away.  

"What do I smell like?" He's smirking, you can hear it in his voice.

"Home," you don't hesitate to answer, and you look up at him.  His eyebrows are drawn together as he studies your face. His eyes linger on your lips, you lick them subconsciously, and he tracks the movement.

You're both brought out of your trance when a nurse enters the room.  She doesn't seem to notice you both as she goes about checking Happy's vitals. 

When she reaches for the remote, Tony speaks up, jarring her a little.  He goes on to say that the TV should be left on, and that Downton Abbey is Happy's favorite. 

Tony pats your legs and you stand, letting him get up.  He rambles on to the nurse and excuses himself.  You lean over to grab your pack and bid the nurse, and Happy farewell.

You're about to follow Tony out the front doors when you notice a whole group of reporters watching and waiting for Tony to emerge from the hospital.  

"Tony?" You call for him, and before the doors can open he looks back to you.  He holds his hand out for you to take.  You look behind him at the reporters, and then his hand.

"Trust me?" He says, one eyebrow raised as he puts his shades back on.

You inhale a deep breath, step up to him and take his hand.  He leads you both out into the chaos of the hospital entrance.  

There's a few dozen people shouting Tony's name, he seems unphased by it and passes them without issue, ushering you into the passenger seat of his Audi.  As he goes to the driver side you hear someone ask about you and who you are, and then someone asks Tony if he was going to kill someone named The Mandarin.

Your eyebrows furrow, kill who? 

He makes a big threatening speech about fighting said person, and then Tony gives out his home address, your eyes widen.

He jumps into the car, turns it on and starts to speed away.

You're both silent for a few minutes. You're trying to piece together what just happened and Tony taking this personally. 

"What happened last night was by this man?  This what?"

Tony grips the steering wheel tighter and grits his teeth, "he's called the Mandarin, and he's been taunting the president and the U.S. for a few days now."  He takes his phone out of his jacket pocket and hands it to you, "JARVIS, show her."

And then a few videos play, they make your skin crawl and your heart rate kick up. After they end you sit there in silence for a while, unsure of where your thoughts are going or what to say.  Out the window you watch as the scenery passes by.

“Where are we going?”  You ask Tony after 10 minutes of silence.  You look over at him and he looks at you briefly before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Home.”

-*-

Staring down at the 3D model projection of the exploded plaza, you forget Tony’s as smart as he is, and just as technically savvy.

“Show me something, Happy,” he mutters, and as if it was being 3D printed, Happy’s projected body appears, and then so does yours.  Tony’s sharp intake of breath can be heard across the garage and you look up to him.  He’s staring at your projected body, bloody and burned just like Happy.  In the image, you're kneeling over Happy cradling his uninjured hand in yours.

“Happy was pointing to something I couldn’t see before he passed out,” you say quietly.  Tony’s up and moving, the AI doing work and triangulating what he was looking at.  Tony finds what he’s looking for, a military dog tag.  

Tony and JARVIS narrow it all down and you’re in awe of how Tony’s brain works.  He and JARVIS are a well oiled machine when they get going.

“Ever been to Tennessee, JARVIS?” Tony says confidently.

“Creating a flight plan to Tennessee,” JARVIS replies.  Tony sweeps his hands out wide and the whole 3D projection disappears.

You’re grinning up at him as he sits atop a cabinet, “that was incredible.”  He smirks at you.  There’s a doorbell ring that chimes out in the open space and Tony rolls his eyes. 

“Are we still at ‘Ding-dong’?  I thought we were at,” he bangs the cabinet he's sitting on and goes to jump off, “total security lock down.  C’mon, I threatened a terrorist!”

“There’s only so much I can do, sir,” JARVIS sounds exasperated, “you did give your home address to the press.”

You get up from your chair and follow Tony upstairs after he steps into his Iron Man suit.  You know Pepper is home somewhere, you can smell her sweet honey, lavender and citrus scent in the air.  As you look around the giant living space you notice a very overly large stuffed bunny.  

You hum happily and make your way over to the rabbit, reaching out you run your hand over the soft stomach. Cute.

Upstairs you can hear shuffling and you make your way up as Tony goes to answer the door in his Iron Man suit.

You come face to face with Pepper as she grabs a few packed bags from the floor.  She stares at you for a moment before she chucks the bags, one at a time, over the railing and down to the main living areas floor.  

"I may not fully understand what you and Tony mean to each other," she starts, you can tell she's trying not to yell, "but it doesn't mean I have to like it." 

"I'm sorry, Pepper, I really am.  It's not something I can control," you tell her.  She moves around you and goes down stairs.  You follow behind as she speaks to Tony and the woman that entered the mansion a few moments ago.

"Maya Hansen," Tony says, "old botanist pal I used to know…barley." He's shifting on his feet as you and Pepper approach. 

Pepper stops and stands next to Tony, "I'm sorry. With Happy in the hospital, I didn't know we were expecting guests.

"We weren't," Tony says sternly.

The woman, Maya, shakes her head, "No uh, I."

"And old girlfriends!"  Pepper looks back at you and then Maya.  You don't say anything as they bicker back and forth, your head tilting in amusement. 

"It's a big bunny, relax about it!" Tony's shouting brings you back into their conversation, and then you notice the news on TV.  

You make your way closer, eyebrows furrowed, and you notice it's Tony's mansion on screen.  Maya comes to stand next to you.  She smells like daisies,  potted plants; soil and leaves, and something you can’t place, weird. 

"Guys?" She calls, "should we worry about that?" On the television screen, the camera from a helicopter catches a glimpse of a missle headed straight for the mansion. And within a split second it makes contact and the living room explodes as concrete and debris go flying.

Tony and Pepper are flung away from you and Maya as you all go flying back from the concussive blast.

Great, two explosions in less than 24 hours.  If you weren't supernatural you'd have to think about checking yourself into a hospital.

You groan as you get up, blood and dirt coat your tongue as you search for signs of Tony.  There across the rubble you see the suit crouched over top of Tony's proan form, the face plate flipping up and you notice Pepper is inside.  As they go to move and make their way towards you and the exit, the floor splits open separating Pepper and Tony. He yells for her to go and get you and Maya out of the house.

You launch yourself up and over the gap, "I'm not leaving without you," you tell him, your face serious.  "Not this time."  He looks at you for a moment, there’s a cut on his nose that’s oozing blood, his eyes look fearful and his eyebrows drawn up in worry.

Sir, Miss Potts is clear of the structure, JARVIS rings out.  Tony makes a motion with his arms, bringing his hands to his chest.  Within a few seconds he’s being encased in his Iron Man suit.

“Get out of here, Poppy, protect Pepper and Maya,” he says to you as soon as his suit is on.  The blue eyes of his mask turn to you, “Please.”

You growl in frustration, “Fine, but you better make it out of here in one piece.  Or else,” you jump over fallen debris as you make your way to the exit.  Near a fallen pillar you see your pack, you slide over to it, dodging more rubble that’s falling overhead, and sling your bag on your shoulder and sprint to the exit.  The entryway collapses as you make a dive to exit and you look back over your shoulder to see Iron Man take out one helicopter, and then the second begins to descend in fire and explodes into the back of the mansion.

The whole mansion collapses and crumbles, and it's sliding off the side of the cliff into the ocean below.  You’re sure Tony is ok, because you’re so sure you’d feel it if he wasn’t. Right?

Pepper runs to the ledge where some of the mansion rests still in one piece and peers over the edge.  You jog up next to her and she screams for Tony.  You reach your arm out to touch her and she turns to you, tears in her eyes.  Pepper launches herself at you and hugs you tight as she cries.  You’re fighting back your own tears as you return her hug.  You rumble a small purr to try to soothe her, it just makes her tighten her hold on you more.

-*-

Night has fallen and there’s camera crews, firemen, police, and EMTs.  You made sure the paramedics took a look at Maya and Pepper, though the latter protested vehemently.  

Pepper was back near the ledge of the rubble that overlooked the ocean, a destroyed Iron Man helmet in her hands.  You sat on a pile of debris a few feet from her, watching and keeping an eye on her.  Something in your pack rings and you reach in to find it.  Pulling an item out you don’t remember putting there, it’s the phone Tony let you use in his car early this morning.  It’s blinking and you press the button on the bottom and it comes to life.

Pepper puts the Iron Man helmet on her head and when she does the eyes light up and your phone starts to play a message.  It was from Tony!

You sigh in relief as the message plays quietly, 

Poppy, I know I’m asking a lot of you by looking after Pepper, and I know you shouldn’t have to.  But - jeez i keep sayin it don’t I? - please do this for me.  I’m sorry about everything that has happened in the last few days, months. Maybe he sighs aloud, Maybe if I stopped you from leaving New York things would have been different.  Who’s to say?  I don’t have a lot of time, there’s still some things I need to take care of.  I need to deal with this, you know where I am, don’t come after me.

After the message ends you look up to Pepper, and she’s looking at you, there’s a small smile on her face and she sighs, “Let’s go find Maya,” she offers you her hand and you take it as she helps you up, “Take her home.”  You aren’t sure where the attitude shift came from, but you won’t question it.  You’d rather be on her good side than her shoving you off the cliff.

-*-

You were in the backseat of Pepper’s car, the last few days catching up to you, you were trying not to nod off in the backseat of the car for the last 10 minutes.

“Why were you at the house tonight?” Pepper asks, “What was so important that you had to speak to Tony?”

Maya sighs after a moment, “I think that my boss is working for the Mandarin.”  You let out a growl, it was deep in your chest.  Pepper looks in the rear view at you and Maya turns to stare at you with wide eyes. “Sooo if you still want to talk about it, I suggest that we get ourselves someplace safe.”

You’re too focused on containing your anger to pay attention to their conversation.

“This boss of yours, does he have a name?” Pepper glances at Maya in the passenger seat.

“Yeah, Aldrich Killian,” Maya says, and Pepper is so in shock you can smell it roll off her in waves.  You put your hand on her shoulder and squeeze slightly.

-*-

A shower, that was definitely something you needed.  You sigh deep as the hot water washes over your skin, rinsing away all the soot and grime and dried blood that’s been caking your skin for the last two days. Three days?  It feels like heaven and you lose track of time while you’re under the water pressure. 

After you dry and put on clean clothes you exit the bathroom of the hotel room you’re sharing with Pepper and Maya.  There’s a knock at the door and their conversation comes to a halt.

“I’ll get it,” you tell them, and you make your way over to the door.  “It’s room servi-“ you begin but someone comes up behind the man and snaps his neck before you can react.  “Get back!” You yell to Pepper and Maya, and before you can get far, a strong grip grabs you from behind and pins you to the wall by your throat.  

The man holds you up a good foot off the ground, you’re gripping his arm tight in your hands, your claws come out to scratch him and he doesn’t seem surprised by your change in appearance.  You’re trying to growl but his grip is so tight around your neck you can barely manage to pull in a full breath.

“Killian let her go!” Pepper yells from the other side of the room. You’re scrabbling to get free but his grip tightens still.

“Hello, Pepper,” he says to her, then looks over to Maya, “So, you want to tell me why you were at Stark’s mansion last night?”  He looks back at you and grins, “sit still, doggie, I’m not done with you.” Your eyes widen and you grit your teeth, claws still trying to rip him away from you.

Maya sighs, and moves away from Pepper, “I’m trying to fix this!  I didn’t know you and the Master were gonna blow the place up.”

“Oh, so you were trying to save Stark when he threatened us?” Killian responds, “Ah, ah, Pepper,” when she goes to move closer, he lifts you a little higher up the wall.  You’ve ripped the sleeve off his suit and shirt off, now your scratches are deep into his skin, but it’s repairing itself before a drop of blood could leak out.  The orange glow of whatever is under Killian’s skin is persistent as it heals him.

Maya goes to move around Pepper to stand closer to Killian, “Look, if we want to launch the product next year, I need Stark.”  She glances at you, then looks to Pepper and back to Killian, “He just lacked a decent incentive.  Now he has two.”

You bring your legs up and push Killian as hard as you can away from you, he finally releases you and you fall in a heap onto the floor.  Coughing and gasping for air, it takes you a second to get your bearings as you shakily rise to your feet.  

Your voice is rough when you speak, “I knew something smelled off about you.”  You take a step towards Maya, but you’re cut off by Killian again, he grabs you by the back of the neck this time and you go limp, the right amount of pressure and all the fight is gone from you.

“I think we found our leverage,” Killian says, he handles you with minimal effort.  The touch of his hand around your neck was hot, almost burning. 

Why was he so strong?

Pepper goes to protest, but Killian holds you up again with practiced ease.  He leans down to put his mouth next to your ear and whispers, "I know what you are. Shift," you can hear his smirk, his confidence coming off him in waves and a whine leaves you.  He smells rotten in your nose, like burnt clothes and charcoal.

 "Do it,” he demands, “or I kill Pepper." 

-*-

AN: I wanna thank you for reading this far! It means a lot to me!  

Likes, comments, RB<3

[conquerthenight]

Lydia de Winter headcanons sorted by the all the AU’s of Say My Name I’ve written.

TW: Discussions of depression, suicide, death, and child abuse

Say My Name (sans “Your Clone”)

- Her date of birth is December of 1915

- Yes, I realize that means she was born (and conceived) during WWI, but we’re gonna get around that by saying Maxim was summoned to the war either during Rebecca’s pregnancy or shortly after Lydia was born.

- She was named after Lydia Bennet from Pride and Prejudice because Rebecca liked the Lydia/Wickham subplot more than the other love stories.

- She attended a seminary for girls in London from the ages of 6 to 9, after Rebecca’s death she was educated by a governess, tutors, etc. I realize that absolutely none of that features in my fics other than brief mentions but it is happening.

- Some time during the events of Rebecca, Lydia stops referring to Rebecca as her mother and transitions to calling her Rebecca. Maxim doesn’t give a fuck about it.

- Maxim also doesn’t give a fuck period. Lydia doesn’t forgive him for his neglect for a while, but acknowledges that he’s at least remorseful (post confession). Things are very awkward between them until well into the exile period and they didn’t truly become close until after Ellison and Katherine were born.

- Lydia briefly resented Ellison and Kate because they had the childhood she never got, but she got over it due to bonding with them and the maturity that comes with adulthood.

- Ellison and Kate were the prime age for playing with legos when they were first invented in the 30’s. Lydia stepped on a few once and it hurt so from then on whoever she got mad at someone she always threatened them by saying she hopes they step on a lego.

- She once muttered this during an argument with Maxim. Maxim immediately started laughing because he thought it was a creative threat.

- Lydia is bisexual, even though she does end up with a man, @eeleeisgay’s OC Anthony Helencourt.

- Ileana immediately approved of Anthony. Maxim took a bit of convincing because he wanted to be certain that Anthony wasn’t just with Lydia because he wanted Manderley.

- Even after the events of Rebecca, Lydia struggled with putting a lot of pressure on herself, putting on a brave face, and asking for help from others, as well as bouts of depression for the rest of her life.

- The thing that won Maxim over with Anthony and Lydia’s relationship was that Anthony had a positive effect on Lydia’s mental health and he was able to help bring her back down to earth. Basically Anthony is best husband and a supportive king.

- Lydia hyphenated her last name when she married Anthony partially to compromise with her parents and her in laws but partially because “Helencourt-de Winter sounds beautiful anyways, I’ll just take both names”. Anthony did the same.

- Strangers sometimes mistook Lydia and Ileana for sisters instead of a stepmother and stepdaughter once Lydia hit puberty and thus had her growth spurt. Ileana also looked young for her age until she reached middle age so that along with their 11 year age gap didn’t help either. It led to some very awkward conversations.

- Favell and Beatrice both taught Lydia to curse at a very young age, separately of course.

- Maxim made allowances for Beatrice when she did that, he often sighed and said things like “that’s the last time I let you around my child” but never really meant it. However he openly badmouthed Favell for doing the same thing.

- Lydia only curses when she’s really pissed or emotional. In normal conversation sometimes she’ll let a few “damns” slip, but nothing more.

- Post blackmail, Lydia wants nothing to do with Favell because she realizes that he’s too similar to Rebecca but he just hides it better and isn’t a dick to children.

- While Lydia does initially feel betrayed when she hears Danny burned down Manderley, during the de Winters’ exile she realizes just how bad Danny’s mental state was and forgives her for it.

- Being away from Manderley also made Lydia realize that Danny never intended to make Lydia uncomfortable by bringing up or praising Rebecca in front of her. She comes to the conclusion that while Danny did hurt her by doing that, it was Danny’s way of coping with her loss and she can’t bring herself to fault her for that.

- Ileana understands Lydia’s sympathy for Danny, Maxim doesn’t. This is a source of tension between Lydia and Maxim, particularly once they decide to rebuild Manderley until shortly after they move back in.

- During the exile, Lydia knows not to talk about Manderley in front of Maxim, but she does sometimes do so with Ileana.

- When Ellison comes out to Lydia as lesbian, Lydia is immediately supportive of her sister. She even refers to Ellison’s longtime girlfriend, Anne, as her sister in law.

Your Clone, Your Strange Creation (SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

- Lydia was never sent to school in London and was educated from home from the start. This is why she was home to witness Rebecca’s murder.

- Despite the positive relationship between Ileana and Lydia, Lydia never ends up referring to Ileana with any maternal terms (mother, mama, mum, etc). After everything she’s dealt with she doesn’t really feel right putting a concrete label on it.

- Lydia also never stops referring to Rebecca by her given name. No one has a problem with it, even Danny understands why she does it.

- A similar thing happens with Maxim as well. In the first few chapters she refers to him as Papa, then she transitions to Father (if you read the Beatrice side story you’ll have the full context), and eventually after the trial she’ll refer to him as Maxim because she’ll finally feel like she’s allowed to denounce him for everything he did (and didn’t do) since Rebecca’s murder.

- She’s a full on queer ally. Full on doesn’t even think twice about the fact that Ileana and Danny are both women when she figures out they’re in love.

- Danny feels very strongly that she has to redeem herself for viewing Rebecca through a rose colored lens and somewhat projecting that onto Lydia.

- Lydia forgives her for it immediately following her disclosure about the murder and her role in it due to Danny admitting that not only did Maxim fail her as a parent, but so did Rebecca.

- Although Lydia knows Danny’s first name from chapter 12 onwards, she doesn’t use it and opts to keep calling her Danny. Danny is chill about it because she knows how awkward it would be for them both if Lydia used her first name.

- Lydia affectionately teases Ileana and Danny about them being awful at being subtle about their relationship.

- As soon as they’re able to forgo the whole housekeeper/charge relationship, Danny is a lot more openly affectionate with Lydia.

- Lydia has never seen Danny with her hair open before so when she does for the first time she goes 😱 and Ileana giggles and says she had a similar reaction.

- Lydia never forgives Rebecca or Maxim for being the worst parents ever, but she does eventually understand that the fact that she shares traits with them doesn’t need to be a bad thing.

- Danny is the reason she comes to that conclusion in the first place.

- Lydia deals with nightmares, mostly of the night of Rebecca’s murder, Maxim coming after her for spilling about the murder, and Danny and Ileana leaving her.

The Ones They Left Behind/Mama’s Boy (LIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

(Established with help from @alicesbread)

- Lydia and Rudolph are both unreliable narrators when it comes to the other’s relationship with their parents.

- Maxim up and leaving Manderley to hop around Europe during the year after Rebecca’s death caused Lydia to develop a fear of abandonment. She blames herself for him leaving because she thinks she either did something wrong or hindered his ability to move on.

- Bea, Giles, Danny, and even Frank try to assure her that this isn’t true but Lydia doesn’t really believe them.

- When she shuts down due to her mental state, she only ever talks to Rudolph (and in rare cases Bea, but that takes a lot of coaxing).

- As with the other two AU’s, Lydia is supportive af when Rudolph comes out to her.

- Neither of us have delved into Lydia’s relationship with her brother Elliot (also @alicesbread’s OC), but Lydia is very much relieved when he’s born because that means Manderley won’t be her burden to carry. Won’t say much else because it’ll be a major spoiler.

- She lovingly makes fun of Rudolph for falling for Elliot because “I guess it runs in your family to fall for a de Winter”.

- Rudolph probably finds something to lovingly tease Lydia about as well but I’ll leave that one to alicesbread.

- This is specific only to TOTLB, but when they were children (post Rebecca’s death, pre costume ball) Anthony didn’t like Rudolph because Rudolph defended Rebecca. Not sure if the boys ever actually met, but even if Lydia didn’t like that either, she didn’t tolerate Anthony badmouthing Rudolph.

[melis-writes]

Sonny finding out Michael was cheating on Victoria though 🙈🙊

OH… OH NO. 😶 I remember when the “what if?” AU prompts of Michael cheating on Victoria were almost as popular as the Victonny prompts are, but now Mr. Santino Corleone finding out his brother’s cheating on the woman of his dreams? Bring on the drama. 🔥

‘What? Was I just in the wrong place at the wrong fuckin’ time or what? Married too soon? Married the wrong goddamn woman? And there you are, you smug son of a bitch…’

Sonny leans his back against the side of the boathouse, quietly and inconspicuously looking into the towards the back of you and Michael’s private estate.

Dozens of potted arrangements of plants and flowers cover Sonny up to the full length of his height, providing not just the perfect opportunity to take a sneak peek for himself but also remain hidden in one spot without the need to move around or worry about being caught.

“I will.” Michael gives a small smile to his mistress, keeping one hand lovingly wrapped over her waist. “I told you last week I would, wouldn’t I?”

A scowl spreads over Sonny’s face as he remains frozen in position, wanting to look away and pretend he’s seen nothing but at the same time take in the full scene and analyze everything to confirm what’s been going on between Michael and this new woman for the past few weeks.

“You know if it was up to me, I’d come to see you every single day.” The mystery woman speaks back to Michael softly as Sonny mostly realizes on reading both of their lips throughout the conversation; already having been his fourth time catching the two somewhere.

‘For fuck’s sake.’ Sonny presses his lips down firmly, feeling nothing but bitterness and resent building up inside of him. ‘You love lecturin’ me while you share Victoria’s side of the bed with someone else.’

“I’ll make it easier for you.” Michael caresses his mistress’ face with the back of his hand gently. “You’ll relocate to Tahoe and I’ll cover all of your expenses for you. Travel, moving, your new home, everything.”

Sonny frowns, knowing he can’t exactly tell anyone any of this, including Tom.

Sonny has no proof to show Michael has a mistress in any way possible, perfectly hidden and devised by Michael just as he wanted to, to ensure his little affair would stay as private and non-existent as possible even if someone had suspicions.

“That new Alfa Romeo wasn’t enough?” The mistress giggles, gazing up at Michael with such awe and delight in her eyes as she hugs his chest. “You really don’t have to, baby. Please.”

‘And it’s his word over mine all the damn time.’ Sonny grits his teeth, wondering just how much more of this disgusting scene he’s able to take.

“I insist.” Michael tilts her chin up, planting a soft kiss upon his new lover’s lips. “It will happen.”

‘You don’t deserve Vic. You’ve never deserved her. You’re proving it to me right now in front of my own eyes.’ Sonny knows lashing out and approaching the two isn’t going to make a difference—nobody else is home and Michael’s men won’t say a word.

“Fuck this.” Sonny mutters under his breath, quietly moving away from the boathouse building and back towards the docks to Lake Tahoe as he reaches into the pocket of his trousers for a cigarette.

Sonny glances down to see the half crushed cigarette he pulled out from his pocket, glowering at it before he throws it down to the ground.

Out of frustration and refusing to turn back around and acknowledge his younger brother doing something Sonny would never forgive himself for even having a nightmare about, Sonny crushes the mushed cigarette with the heel of his shoe.

Pacing around Lake Tahoe to make it look like he’s out for a breath of fresh air or taking a walk does nothing to calm Sonny’s nerves—a natural hot head only mounting further with frustration until Sonny can effectively get it off of his mind.

Sonny turns his head back to face you and Michael’s estate, making his way directly towards it knowing Michael will at least go back inside at some point after his little mistress can conveniently sneak off the compound grounds.

It’s only when Sonny sees the garden remains empty from where he stands does he pick up his pace, practically storming inside of the estate. ‘Now where the hell are you?’

Sonny pushes open the front door, stepping inside to see nobody and hear nothing else but the regular, calm atmosphere of your home.

Taking a deep breath and letting the door shut behind him, Sonny feels a strange sense of second hand guilt rack over him at the scent of your faint floral perfume still lingering around your home only you’re in Reno in the middle of a trial, completely unaware of everything transpiring behind your back now for weeks.

Sonny shoves his hands into the pockets of his trousers, walking down the hallway and towards Michael’s office door and expecting him to be inside only to spot his brother at the end of the hallway.

Michael reaches his hand out towards the door knob of his office door before glancing up at Sonny with a monotone expression, giving nothing away. “Still here, Santino?”

“I don’t do any of that shopping shit, you know me.” Sonny shakes his head, knowing Michael’s referring to the fact Sandra and the children are out for the day for shopping and lunch.

Michael doesn’t answer, simply opening his office door and stepping inside without bothering to look back at Sonny who follows directly behind.

“Nothing ever really goes the way you actually want it to, doesn’t it?” Sonny can no longer hide the bitterness in his voice the moment he walks into Michael’s office.

“Such as?” Michael’s not in the mood for vague or deep conversations, slipping a cigarette out of its pack from his office desk.

“For one, I should have married Victoria.” Sonny states boldly, staring at Michael.

Michael takes his lighter out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket, glancing up at Sonny with no reaction over his face. “Is that what you repeated to yourself all night when she rejected your advances in New York to help you fall asleep?”

“This isn’t about me.” Sonny narrows his eyes. “So save your insults for another time, eh? I’m talking about Victoria.”

“You’re talking about a married woman who doesn’t want you, has never wanted you, and is your fantasy.” Michael lights his cigarette, facing Sonny directly now. “And you think coming into my office to tell me about how much you want my wife is going to bode well?”

“Shit, I just thought I would let you know, considering you don’t want her anymore.” Sonny shrugs his shoulders. “You got that random broad off the streets in Reno or somethin’ and look happy with her, so maybe I just came in here to ask you why the hell you keep wasting Victoria’s time.”

“Amusing.” Michael notes, taking a long puff of his cigarette. “I suppose you don’t have proof of this ‘random broad’ you’re accusing me with?”

“You’re a sly motherfucker.” Sonny glares angrily at Michael, having never felt so repulsed and frustrated towards his younger brother in his life. “You hide the shit you do well, affair or not. I’m not here to air out your dirty laundry.”

“Then what are you here for?” Michael waits for Sonny to get to the point. “You’re wasting my time and your breath.”

“Victoria will find out one way or another.” Sonny points at him. “All this time—ten fuckin’ years of marriage—you really think you’re invincible, Michael? Vic knows you better than you know yourself. You’re not doing yourself any favours. She deserves so much better than you.”

“There is nothing better.” Michael states out sharply. “She’s my wife, Santino. Her place in my life is different. Coming from a man who cheats on his wife on a regular basis, this is quite ironic.”

“Let me know if Victoria ever decides to give you permission to cheat on her then.” Sonny forces a fake, taunting smile at Michael. “Because when that happens to be the case like Sandra, she can cheat on you with me. The one difference being that she’s not going to go back to you.”

“You disgust me.” Michael blows out smoke around him, beginning to grow thoroughly irritated with Sonny’s every word. “And your delusional little fantasies fuel your anger that you can barely control. You think I’ll let you even step a foot near Victoria after this proclamation?”

“You’re not gonna be able to keep her from me, is what I’m saying.” Sonny takes a step towards Michael. “Because the moment you decided to make that mistress yours, I made Victoria mine.”

[icyfox62]

If you’re going to say your purpose is to inform a group of people about something that they may not have heard of, it’s really important to answer all questions. It’s kind of ironic that she says that punishment is not the way to fix the prison system but she punishes us for asking a legitimate question.

Also, my main issue is that this is ignoring the fact that some people do benefit from prison. I’m not even talking about people that commit crimes that are violent or repetitive nature. What about the victims of stalking? What about the domestic violence victim that it’s too scared to speak out against the perpetrator? Should we ignore the people who have lost their lives because they’re murderer was not deemed dangerous enough and allowed to remain in society? Should I look at someone who has been violated in anyway and say you must forgive the person who did this to you because prison is bad?

Lastly, this movement also ignores the unhoused. How many of us have seen news segments about homeless people going into a convenience store to “steal” so they’ll have a meal, healthcare, and a place to sleep? Should they have to? No. However, with the way society, not the prison system, operates, for some this is their only option. Until we fix the society that necessitates stealing for basic survival, we will never fix the prison system.

Prison reform is a good idea and honestly one that’s long due, but we should really be focusing on the issues that lead to imprisonment. You can’t fix prison reform without acknowledging, addressing, and fixing racial inequality, the blatant disregard for those that are considered lesser in society (unhoused, neurotypical, those with disabilities, etc) and the disproportionate distribution of wealth among other things.

Edit-

I think I know why this comic has been reacted to so negatively, at least from my perspective after I reflected on it. The whole comic has a victim blaming, self righteous attitude.

- “Oh, if only those that were wronged by those in prison would just let go of their negative emotions (I.e. anger, fear, etc.) and forget what happened in the past we would be able to get rid of the prison system.”

- “Look here. See an example of a person that was abused that we prevented from going to prison. Ignore the fact that if her father had been in prison for abusing her she would not have killed him. This is the only example I’ll give you.”

- “How dare you ask “that” question? I’ll just ignore it because you’re not worthy of an answer even though this is an introductory comic for some of you that may not have heard about this topic before. “

who’s left- Mariame/Prison Abolition

by Flynn Nicholls

[thecatsaesthetics]

Hi Cat! I came across this post [https://thecatsaesthetics.tumblr.com/post/750421623870472192/maevecrom-i-think-alot-of-the-stans-of-nesta] and I was wondering if you'd be willing to expand on Lucien's failings here? Nesta and Tamlin speak for themselves, but I've always struggled to articulate my...I suppose "frustration" would be the apt term for Lucien's actions, especially within the context of how events played out in the Spring Court.

So link to the post here:

So I think Lucien is a very interesting character at least until mid way through ACOWAR (where SJM decided to drop him).

He is incredibly cruel to Feyre in the beginning of ACOTAR, which you could claim is either because he was upset over Andras death or he was playing “bad cop” to make Tamlin look better. Either way it doesn’t make it okay, if it’s the former Lucien knew Andras was doing this to save them (and hence not Feyre’s fault) and if the latter it seems very gross to attempt to isolate Feyre into the arms of Tamlin.

Lucien then becomes genuinely became Feyre’s friend but it not enough for Lucien to want to help Feyre get out from her toxic relationship with Tamlin. In my own opinion Lucien read in ACOMAF as a third abused party; he actively wanted Feyre to stay, and keep being abused, so he had someone to “suffer” along side him.

None of this makes him a terrible person, but Lucien admitted that Feyre was a better friend to him than he was to her. That sums it up, he failed her. He saw her being abused and he did nothing. There is no excuse for that, and saying “I’ll talk to Tamlin” or “you need to give Tamlin time” is bullshit.

On top of that the earlier aspects of their relationship (how he, Tamlin, and Alis all effectively lied and manipulated her into breaking the curse) was never acknowledged by either party. However given that, like Tamlin and Alis, the entirety of the relationship came about through manipulation and isolation, it makes complete sense that their friendship more or less disappeared.

And while you cannot blame Lucien for wanting to break the curse, or even using Feyre, it was not Feyre’s responsibility to save Prythian. And like I said it makes sense that with time Feyre just grew apart from Lucien. The relationship was not built on truth, unlike her relationship with Cassian/Mor/Amren. Those relationships were not based on manipulation or an attempt to use Feyre to bring about a resolution. They built those friendships genuinely and that is why Feyre’s relationships with them only continues to flourish. One of the most important things to Feyre is truth and having truthful equal relationships (which is why ACOSF is infuriating lol).

So I wouldn’t say Lucien is the worst or he’s undeserving of forgiveness, or happiness. I would say it makes complete sense that Lucien and Feyre grew apart.

Also fyi my name is Kayla not Cat. That’s just my blog name.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ruster Pt.1

Rio: [Okay, so Edie’s birthday is 27th October so this is then, the few days it is before the twins’ birthday/Halloween]

Rio: I wouldn’t bother you with it otherwise but today is not the day

Rio: Wherever your sister is, check her because I can’t, yeah?

Buster: Nothing would give me greater pleasure, however, we both know she can barely read

Rio: Trust me, she’ll get the message if she doesn’t stop blowing up my inbox

Buster: I don’t doubt that, it just isn’t giving me much incentive to rush to her aid nor her defence 

Rio: Have you forgotten too?

Rio: Naturally, why would anyone’s birthday but your own be in your calendar 

Buster: Our calendars are synced, it’s in there for my parents’ benefit, not that the usual [whatever baze tend to buy Edie as a gift] would have one under the circumstances

Rio: I could almost forgive her for ignoring those notifications then

Rio: but not quite, under the circumstances

Buster: Under no circumstances is she aware what day it is, our own birthday aside, as you’ve already pointed out

Buster: I wouldn’t take it quite so personally

Rio: I’ll take it as I find it 

Rio: and I don’t have the bandwidth to concern myself with her issues, real or fictionalised 

Buster: Noted

Rio: So, you’re doing nothing then

Buster: I’ll talk to her, but all the good it’ll do will likely amount to nothing, unfortunately 

Rio: Try harder

Rio: I’m not making empty threats

Buster: I’m not her keeper, regardless of the weight of the threat

Rio: Yeah, it’s really cool that you don’t care

Buster: I’ve tried hard to, you aren’t alone with the lack of Nance’s bullshit bandwidth

Rio: I really couldn’t care less about her bullshit, or yours

Rio: You have as much time as you have excuses

Buster: I have neither, keep your promises and your threats, they aren’t aimed at me

Rio: That’s two and counting, at least

Rio: but whatever

Buster: But whatever is exactly where I stand, yeah

Rio: We’ve discussed your apathy

Buster: Apathy isn’t the word

Rio: Go on

Rio: how would you dress it up

Buster: You’re dressing it up, I’ve spoken deliberately plainly

Rio: Dispassionately 

Rio: because you don’t care

Buster: I said I’ll speak to her, there’s hardly an unwillingness to take action being expressed

Rio: I know all she wants is shit to talk about with her equally boring friends

Rio: it couldn’t be any clearer than forgetting it’s Edie’s fucking birthday whilst acting like she cares to get some more info

Buster: No shit, we’re all painfully aware of her long established motives

Rio: But yeah, it must be great

Rio: for all this to just be colourful background to set you apart rather than anything you have to live through

Buster: I can’t help not living through it, being set apart by refusing to take part in her type of voyeurism will have to do

Rio: Not your problem, yeah

Rio: put us all back in the box in your head until the next holiday you’re forced to acknowledge our existence, cool

Buster: For the few remaining years I can continue to be forced to do anything, absolutely

Rio: Lucky you

Buster: You’re lucky I’m not trying to force myself front and centre and make your problems mine, that’d be worse than any of Nancy’s current exploits

Rio: Oh, am I

Rio: Yeah, someone taking all my problems away right now sounds fucking shite, you’re so right, you carry on acting like you never knew the girl

Buster: Acting like I could carry everything on my shoulders and take your problems away when I barely know the girl isn’t doing you any favours

Rio: She is your family, for fuck’s sake

Rio: Sure, Nance is gawking at the car crash but where the fuck are you, Buster?

Buster: Coming together for weddings and funerals, both literally and metaphorically, isn’t forging strong ties, I don’t know the girl, pretending I do or am qualified to lend a helping hand here wouldn’t fix a single thing

Rio: That’s bullshit

Rio: You’re a wannabe psychopath to mask what is just selfishness and self-absorption 

Buster: Platitudes are bullshit

Buster: I don’t have solutions to offer you

Rio: I didn’t ask you for solutions

Buster: You asked me to stop my sister digging, I’ll try my hardest, that’s the extent of what I can do right now

Rio: Alright

Buster: Because for the record, where I am is here, where I’ve always been

Buster: take the geographical discrepancy and emotional distance up with my parents, it was their choice

Rio: My point was that you should care that if I was there, your sister would be losing teeth, that’s all

Buster: And mine was, they’re hers to lose, especially when she deserves to do so, which it sounds as though she does

Rio: Your parents didn’t ask you to only care about yourself, even they can’t claim that level of narcissism 

Buster: My parents know actions have consequences, she’s slow to learn the fact, as she is most things

Buster: talk shit, get hit, they’d probably phrase it

Rio: That’s not how life works, if they want to find a catchy phrase for that

Buster: She isn’t my little sister and I’m not her bodyguard, she got herself into the mess, it’s down to her to get out of it, that’s how life works

Rio: Is it stubbornness or sheer stupidity with you?

Rio: Jesus

Buster: She’s accountable for her own behaviour, she’s not a baby, even if she often acts like one

Rio: It’s easier to pretend you had no idea in the aftermath than to admit you have no idea how to help now

Rio: For fuck’s sake, care, care why she’s like this

Buster: Projecting isn’t any more helpful, we’re discussing my sister not yours

Rio: No because whether you like it or not it’s your blood too

Rio: Edie is hardly the first, your own dad is minus a twin for it, you don’t get to pretend it doesn’t happen to you because you’ve got more money than you need

Buster: It isn’t happening to me, why would I co-opt her tragedy to make myself feel better or look good?

Rio: It isn’t about appearances 

Rio: I care, you should care, this can’t keep happening again and again like a goddamn curse, it has to be stopped

Buster: If I came to you with a show of caring, you’d ask why I all of a sudden do now that it’s too late

Buster: I’m no hypocrite, I don’t know her and I can’t save her

Rio: We’re talking about your sister, remember

Rio: it’s not too late

Buster: No we aren’t, my sister’s a lot of things but cursed is a stretch

Rio: She gets her personality by proxy, boring bitch is what she is

Buster: Yeah, and it definitely is too late for me to dictate who she can and can’t play with

Rio: You have the same friends

Buster: I’m yet to be boring nevertheless

Rio: Tell yourself whatever you need, it’s no concern of mine

Buster: I have no need of a sob story, particularly one that would never be able to compete

Rio: Compete with who

Buster: Take your pick, there’s no shortage

Rio: There’s yours

Rio: woe is you, you’re not going to get a trophy

Buster: Tell yourself whatever you need, babe

Rio: Do not

Buster: There’s no world in which I’m not surrounded by trophies, each of them actually earned

Rio: Cool!

Rio: Your sister got on my last nerve, you’re out of luck with whatever this is

Buster: I understand, your patronising comments sail over her head, it’s a source of frustration for me too

Rio: Brick wall would be more appealing 

Buster: Trust me, I know

Rio: Maybe you can take your frustrations out on the nearest but what help would I be to anyone then

Buster: Been there, done that

Buster: it doesn’t have much to recommend it

Rio: Anything is better than this

Buster: You could still send Nance fuck you via voice notes, I suppose

Rio: I’m serious

Rio: it’s like playing hostess at the shittest funeral possible where everyone hates the dead person and no amount of tea and sandwiches is doing anything

Buster: No amount of catering really does anything at any funeral, it’s a distraction, that’s all

Rio: It still has to be done, that’s the point you don’t get, someone has to do the shit you deem beneath you

Buster: Someone else

Buster: what I don’t get is you expecting that of me

Rio: Me, it’s always me

Buster: Because it’s a role you too willingly accept

Rio: No because everything goes to shit if it doesn’t get done, there’s no helping

Buster: Everything already has gone to shit, playing the martyr doesn’t change that

Rio: You wouldn’t know the difference between a martyr and someone helping 

Buster: I know that you always putting yourself last hasn’t helped anything or anyone

Rio: Thanks so much

Buster: You’re welcome

Rio: Don’t go switching your ambitions, you have no future in business with that level of pep talk

Buster: A pep talk wasn’t my intention

Buster: nobody else will tell you because they see your endless self-sacrifice as a positive 

Rio: They don’t see it because it doesn’t exist, nothing like this could have happened if any of us were doing as we should 

Buster: They don’t see it because it suits them to let you carry on as you are, in countless other examples I could list that aren’t this specific scenario, which obviously, nobody saw coming

Rio: We could’ve

Buster: If it was that simple, you would’ve

Rio: I wasn’t paying attention, not properly

Rio: I don’t even know now what could have possibly been more important, nothing should have been, not for me, not for any of us

Buster: It shouldn’t have been happening, it isn’t your responsibility to guess that it was

Rio: It’s my responsibility to know if my brothers and sisters are in trouble and need help

Buster: The age gap’s non-existent 

Rio: That doesn’t matter, not to me

Buster: You’re not her mother, you can’t carry that amount of grief or blame all by your fucking self

Rio: I should just let my mother then, yeah

Rio: then we all end up in care, including the newborn

Buster: She is no matter what, you can’t and don’t get to take it from her

Buster: by sheer force of will, acts of service, or whatever else

Rio: You’re wrong, I do help

Buster: I’m not saying you don’t, I’m saying there’s only so much you can do

Rio: If you can’t do everything, you’d rather do nothing

Rio: I’m not like you

Buster: You can’t pour from an empty cup, there’s the bullshit platitude you wanted earlier, you’ll hit your wall, babe

Buster: I’d rather not watch that crash

Rio: You won’t be

Buster: Good

Rio: Fuck you

Buster: If it helps

Rio: No, we’ve both been clear on that, you’re no help at all

Buster: Allow me to be even clearer, you know where I am if you need a new punching bag

Rio: Yeah right

Buster: Yeah, open ended invitation, it’s the least I can do

Rio: Pity party is no one’s theme

Buster: I don’t care about the theme, wrong twin

Rio: And you have no reason to feel sorry for me

Rio: I’m not the one spending my 14th in an asylum, for Christ’s sake

Buster: Right, pity’s off the table

Rio: There’s something

Buster: You’re welcome, again

Rio: No need to act like you’ve catered

Buster: I will

Buster: no tea and sandwiches within a hundred miles of you, I swear

Rio: Alright, maybe I can say thanks for that

Buster: Don’t

Rio: I’m not writing a note, that was it, blink and you miss it

Buster: Shame, I bet you have stunning stationery 

Rio: I had no idea you lived in the past as well as London

Buster: Fine, I won’t write you a letter either

Rio: As if you’d have anything to write but platitudes and pleasantries anyway

Buster: If you say so

Rio: Shut up, you aren’t mysterious

Buster: I wasn’t claiming to be

Rio: Just that we barely know each other, sure

Rio: Now’s really the time to start, is it

Buster: I said I barely know Edie

Buster: I know you

Rio: Do you

Buster: Yeah

Rio: You should know her too, there’s no gap, you said

Buster: Well I don’t, whether that’s my own fault, hers or we’re calling it a team effort

Rio: Maybe

Rio: I don’t know anymore, everything looks wrong

Buster: Of course it does, everything is wrong

Rio: And what, I’m meant to just accept that?

Buster: No, you’re meant to try and make it better, but if it was that easy you wouldn’t be sat here talking to me, you’d be doing it

Rio: You were telling me off for trying 5 seconds ago

Buster: Your methods are fucked, the idea is sound

Rio: The floor is open for suggestions

Buster: You wish my ego was that size

Rio: I wish you being a know-it-all came in handy just once

Buster: I wish it came in handy this once too

Rio: Yeah

Rio: obviously it’s not your responsibility, sorry etc etc

Buster: I’d still take full, if I seriously could

Rio: But I’m a martyr, hypocrite, we’re not so different

Buster: I’m never going to apologise for being one for you, that once, that difference

Rio: Did you mean it

Rio: if I promise not to smack Nance, I can show at your party?

Buster: You haven’t made me angry enough to say something I don’t mean

Buster: and that includes you being free to smack Nance if it’ll make you feel even slightly better

Rio: Probably not

Rio: too easy, right but the rest can hardly hurt

Buster: Me then, I meant that as well

Buster: and it would hardly hurt me

Rio: I’ve not completely lost it

Rio: I’m not going to hit you

Buster: I wasn’t going to offer you a foam covered bat like you’d be given in a therapist’s office, but suit yourself

Rio: Oh right, I forgot you hit people for sport

Rio: I’m sure that’s entirely different and not at all crazy

Buster: Correct, it is

Rio: Mhmm

Buster: You have no future as a sparring partner, noted

Rio: I’m hardly in your weight class, cheater

Buster: I’d have let you win, it’s the chivalrous thing to do, cheating or not

Rio: There you go talking like you’re from another century again

Buster: Where?

Rio: Chivalry is so long dead, babe

Buster: Because your boyfriends can’t spell it, aim higher

Rio: Ha ha 

Rio: Irrelevant because I’m never going to get another boyfriend again, last thing on my mind as it may be now

Buster: Never again is irrelevant because it’s ridiculous 

Rio: Oh yeah, who wants to touch this mess? No one good

Buster: Oh please, you’re not a mess

Rio: Convincing

Buster: Coming from me it isn’t likely to be, but that doesn’t make it any less true

Rio: How is she meant to ever leave that place, never is when this will stop being talked about, that’s true

Buster: When she’s strong enough she won’t listen to what’s said, her priority’ll be getting out and moving on in spite of all that

Buster: you said it, this isn’t the first time, none of us are strangers to being talked about, this is worse than most of what’s happened before, yeah, but she’ll find a way

Rio: I hope you’re right about this one

Rio: doesn’t seem possible yet

Buster: I’m rarely wrong, you’ll see

Rio: You’re just annoying then

Buster: Isn’t the word, no, you’re wrong

Rio: You don’t get to pick the word

Buster: You aren’t picking what you would if you were being honest

Rio: Why would I lie?

Buster: This isn’t truth or dare, for one

Buster: and the other reasons why are numerous

Rio: I’ve made enough of a show of myself, trust me, it’s a bit late for saving face like that

Buster: Not in front of me, not since [some event ages ago that’s giving family function before all this drama when times were happier]

Rio: You’re such an arsehole to not only remember that but bring it up now, oh my God

Buster: I remember everything, I’m blessed like that instead of being cursed

Rio: Well I remember [and throw back a similar moment for him, ofc]

Buster: So do I [and put your spin on how it went so it’s less embarrassing because you have no shame and have always gotta win/come off looking as good as you can]

Rio: Pink suits you, rose-coloured glasses

Buster: I’ll float it as a birthday theme, because true, it’s a flattering colour on both of us

Rio: I’m sure she has unlimited options

Buster: I’d bet her card limit on it

Rio: You’re welcome for the idea

Buster: And you’re welcome to dress however you like, regardless of her chosen theme

Buster: you’re my guest, if you show up

Rio: I already don’t want to be here

Rio: but I’m terrified to leave

Buster: I know, or there’d already be a plane ticket booked in your name

Rio: It’s like we have to be on permanent best behaviour or else the worst is going to happen

Rio: but that’s the last thing you want when that gives you so much time to be sat with your thoughts about the even worse shit that’s already happened

Buster: No worse can happen, you’ve admitted it, give yourself permission to do something you want

Buster: one thing for yourself, to prove the world isn’t going to end again if nothing else

Rio: It only sounds that simple

Buster: Shit’s allowed to be, sometimes

Rio: Says who?

Buster: Come on, humour me

Buster: What would you do?

Rio: One thing for myself is so vague

Buster: Try harder, you’ve got a hypothetical night off from this bullshit and…?

Rio: There is no night off

Rio: even hypothetically, it’s only coming by getting blackout, so I guess that’s what I would do

Buster: [catch this boy sending a case of whatever her fave booze is to her house, not that she’ll know yet]

Buster: At least you’re playing the game, that’s a start

Rio: [me like you’re both 14 and her mother is gonna have to sign for that lmao but still a sweet gesture god bless]

Rio: This is all in the make-believe where I can get in that state and not have to worry about it getting back to some social worker, of course

Buster: Of course

Rio: and everyone knows everyone ‘round here…

Buster: The closest thing to a curse I’m under

Rio: No one should accuse your parents of being unfit

Rio: power of money for you, like

Buster: Once upon a time they would have

Rio: And do you think they were, once upon a time?

Buster: No, but I don’t think they should be classed as related either, which was also up for debate

Rio: Biology doesn’t lie

Buster: Regrettably, in the case of Nance being my sister

Rio: Blood’s not everything though

Buster: It matters but it isn’t all that does

Rio: Django isn’t related to any of us at all, he’s still our brother

Buster: He shares some blood with the newborn

Rio: That’s true

Rio: I don’t see them being the closer for it though, not with everything

Buster: It would take a miracle and none of us are make-believing that hard

Rio: I can’t trust anyone now, any man

Buster: He took things to an extreme that not many men would

Rio: Yeah and before that he was nice, being a dad to all of us

Buster: The point is, he isn’t any kind of benchmark, he’s an anomaly 

Rio: I don’t know

Buster: There’s men you can trust, there will be

Rio: Another hypothetical is all that is but yeah

Buster: Speaking as one, no it isn’t

Rio: I didn’t accuse you or all men of being that type of anomaly 

Rio: it’s okay, you don’t have to defend yourself, like

Buster: I’m not, I’m reassuring you

Rio: You’re cute

Buster: Irrelevant and I’m well aware of it

Rio: Not that kind of cute, bighead

Buster: Nice, but barely believable, save

Rio: You’re right, your personality could be called many things but cute probably ain’t it

Buster: You’re hilarious, babe

Rio: I don’t feel funny right now, as it goes

Buster: And yet

Buster: I’m glad your sense of humour must be one of the last things to go

Rio: You’re horrid, I’m not dead

Buster: You’re not and neither’s Edie, remember that, yeah?

Rio: I will

Rio: I do, sorry for this

Buster: Don’t

Rio: What else can I say

Buster: Anything, I’m listening

Buster: and I do care

Rio: I can’t remember saying you don’t, if that’s consolation

Buster: I’d let it kill me, but where’s the consolation in that, for anyone?

Rio: You’re who you’re needed to be too

Buster: Everyone is, unless they’re my useless sister

Rio: It just feels like it might be nice to swap right now, you know

Buster: I’ll let you take a turn blowing out the candles too then, she doesn’t need to know

Rio: I’ve got a few days to work out the perfect wish

Buster: And outfit, even if the theme changes a hundred times over at the last minute, as per usual

Rio: How else would you ensure you look better than everyone else, of course

Rio: cheap trick but 

Buster: I wouldn’t resort to tricks, it’s a guarantee I’ll look a treat, naturally

Rio: It naturally won’t be you changing the theme

Rio: but I’ve got it out of my system so I’m not going to say anything else mean about her

Buster: Shame, you were a natural at it

Rio: You’ll miss the company, more like

Buster: You have no shortage of company, plenty of other people have years of pent up anger they’d love an opportunity to direct towards her

Buster: myself excluded, so you will have to miss me

Rio: Said as if that made me feel better

Buster: Said as if anything could

Rio: Ignoring it for even an hour, that’s all that can

Buster: At the party you’ll have less of a hypothetical night off

Rio: And if anyone asks, we’re having a family-friendly wholesome time, yeah?

Buster: Who’s asking me?

Rio: I mean your parents will let me stay

Rio: 14 year old takes weekend trip to other country alone doesn’t sound great

Buster: It’s a [however long it is, about half an hour I think but cba to check] long flight, you’re not running away to New Zealand to solo travel

Buster: and obviously they’ll let you stay, I’d only book you a secret hotel room if it was your stolen birthday wish

Rio: Oh, I forgot you had so many dealings with the social

Rio: best behaviour, remember

Rio: and no matter how annoying your sister is, I’d never waste a wish like that

Buster: I know how to behave, keep a secret and sweet talk authority figures, I don’t know when you forgot

Rio: Stakes are a bit higher than [some childish hijinks y’all got up to obviously]

Buster: You can trust me

Rio: For the weekend

Buster: I won’t let Nance post anything of you that contradicts your good girl image

Rio: None of my behaviour will, naturally

Rio: but I appreciate the lookout

Buster: I appreciate your RSVP

Rio: When’s the last time I saw you for one of your birthdays, when I wasn’t invited just by Nance?

Buster: [whenever it was because ofc he remembers]

Rio: Aw

Rio: you really were cute back then

Buster: I’m cuter now, you just refuse to acknowledge it

Rio: So what if I did

Rio: you don’t need telling

Buster: That’s exactly what I need

Rio: Then wish for it, birthday boy

Buster: Tell me

Rio: That easy?

Rio: I don’t think so, where’s the fun in that

Buster: I dare you 

Rio: Are you going to pick truth?

Buster: Do you have a question you want to ask or is this another hypothetical?

Rio: Going first too, how gentlemanly of you

Buster: Taking into consideration I don’t tend to lie, it’s less of a gesture, if that’s any consolation

Rio: You count it as one of your strengths, do you

Rio: Maybe you want to hear how always brutally honest you are instead then

Buster: Why wouldn’t I? It is a strength

Buster: the weakness comes from those who can’t handle said honesty

Rio: You can be such a cliche sometimes

Buster: Cliches exist for a reason, no one’s unique, sorry to burst the bubble your mum raised you in

Rio: Bit late for that, apology not needed from you

Buster: Don’t worry, it wasn’t sincerely given nor meant

Rio: Honesty doesn’t equate with sincerity, shocker

Buster: You used the word brutal

Rio: That’s the only type of honesty guys like you value

Buster: You would use the phrase guys like me and still claim I’m the cliche

Rio: Says the boy who’s trying to get me to #notallmen for the second time in this convo

Buster: Well, would you prefer I joined in with your all men are bastards attitude? Because I can try, but you also cried out for sincerity and I can’t say my heart will be in it

Rio: You’re good, the disingenuousness would be too much to bear

Rio: just don’t act like I’m crazy for it

Buster: I haven’t, enough men are bastards, I’m not denying that

Rio: Be a bad horse to back, yeah

Rio: Whatever, I’m sick of talking about it, having to be that man-hater 

Buster: Then don’t, we can talk about anything 

Buster: or nothing, the ball’s in your court

Rio: What’s happening in your normal, not fucked life then, tell me about that

Buster: [do, I shan’t because frankly who cares about your school or sports antics sir not I]

Rio: You can tell me the stuff you’d leave out of the brochure, too

Rio: Your life can’t be that well-maintained 

Buster: You’ll be at the party, tell me yourself

Rio: Guess so

Rio: Do I have a +1 or

Buster: Do you want a plus-one?

Rio: I could bring a friend

Buster: As long as they don’t lead you astray from your best behaviour

Rio: You want me to bring someone boring?

Rio: Seems legit

Buster: I don’t want you to end up in care, that’s all

Rio: Thanks

Rio: Mum keeps assuring me it won’t happen, that everything is good but they see if you have suitable family before doing all that even if

Rio: what if none of them are, though, there’s nan and grandad and then I have my other nan, the records aren’t squeaky clean

Buster: I mean, nan is a social worker, that has to count for something

Rio: Unless they just think she’s as bad as they are

Buster: True, a hindrance more than a help would be in keeping with the majority of this family’s luck

Rio: I’m so fucking sick of the bad luck

Buster: You’re swapping, remember

Buster: Nance’s isn’t that much better but it isn’t that much worse, at least

Rio: What did we do to deserve it, seriously

Rio: who fucked up so bad for this karma 

Buster: There’s no such thing

Rio: Evidence suggests otherwise at this point

Buster: Personal experience suggests it’s a girl’s name not a viable scapegoat

Rio: There’s nothing she could have done to ever deserve that

Buster: Exactly, bad shit happens to good people and vice versa

Buster: deserved isn’t the word in this context

Rio: Tell that to the jury, literal and symbolic

Buster: If I was anywhere near qualified in time, I would

Rio: Okay, you’re cute, you earnt it

Buster: Still not a law degree but I’ll take it

Rio: I’ll let you know when I’m qualified to give those out

Buster: Thanks

Rio: Your life sounds so simple

Rio: maybe I will get her to swap, as she loves the drama so much, apparently

Buster: She wouldn’t last a second but that won’t be your problem, no takebacks

Rio: Your parents would be grateful of the better grades, you’d have her out of your hair, no problems in this plan

Buster: Our parents could’ve been in this position themselves had they’d been old enough to make that plan, you’d think she’d have a degree of awareness if not anything resembling empathy 

Rio: Nothing is real to her

Rio: and I suppose I can’t fault her that naivety, I wish none of it felt real to me, just stories people have but you can’t really believe went down

Buster: It’s a luxury nobody else can afford, why should she?

Rio: I don’t know

Rio: but you can’t say anything, unless she’s talking about it in front of you, I’m not a snitch I just needed to vent so I didn’t say some shit to her I’d regret

Buster: I know

Rio: However tempting it may be to chew her out

Rio: it’ll happen if she’s as oblivious as she was with me in front of your mum and dad so

Buster: Which she’s bound to be

Rio: Heaven help her

Buster: Deserved is the perfect word in that instance

Rio: Maybe but

Rio: I didn’t say that

Buster: No, I did, and I’d say the same to her face, conceding too that the word brutal does actually fit there in front of that honesty

Rio: I know you would

Rio: I don’t know how you manage to operate in the same friendship groups though, that makes no sense to me

Buster: We don’t, she has new friends every week

Rio: I see

Buster: I’m not surprised you haven’t noticed though, they don’t differ greatly from the old, that’s how she operates

Rio: It’s a certain brand, yeah

Rio: 🍾💎💋

Buster: That’s why I organise my own guest list in addition to hers

Rio: You’re more selective

Rio: I could use the distraction so not braindead is a bonus

Buster: No need to use your birthday wish

Rio: You wouldn’t like it if I called you my fairy godmother 

Buster: You wouldn’t say it to my face

Rio: Challenge accepted

Rio: after the obligatory wishing you a happy birthday, still have manners

Buster: One way to get you to agree to hit me, birthday beatings are obligatory as well, after all

Rio: Why do you want me to hurt you so bad?

Buster: It isn’t about me, you’ll feel better

Rio: I don’t think I will though

Buster: A temporary reprieve is still a reprieve, and this one works

Rio: You’re not going to try to be as annoying as possible to make me punch you, are you

Rio: because I’ll just stay home, like

Buster: Come to the party, I have manners of my own

Rio: If you insist

Buster: I’m sorting out the guest room as we speak

Buster: Would you like your towels shaped into a swan or a heart?

Rio: Stop it

Rio: Which one is harder? 🤔

Buster: Neither are hard, that's why they’re a hotel staple, but given how much you love a cliche, how could I resist?

Buster: I’ll do both, you don’t have to rush off and you’re maybe bringing a friend

Rio: *you, love a cliche

Rio: But I’m not going to complain

Rio: I might bring a friend, as another correction but we’ll see how I feel

Buster: I already said maybe, you love trying to correct me

Rio: Maybe I really don’t wanna share my towel origami, yeah, shh

Buster: My personal touches would maybe fall flat with someone I don’t know, yeah

Buster: but if you’re determined to set the challenge by bringing a plus-one, I am to rise to it

Rio: You promised interesting company, it might be better to leave home fully behind

Buster: I’ll be there, that’s a promise, can’t really leave my own birthday behind even when it is shared

Rio: You’ll be far too busy

Buster: What I choose to be busy with is my prerogative as guest of honour, I didn’t invite you to abandon you in a corner, or worse, Nancy’s company

Rio: You don’t have to look after me

Rio: I don’t do corners at parties

Buster: I know I don’t

Buster: and I know you don’t, typically, but you’re in a far from typical situation

Rio: I’ll be fun, I promise

Buster: You don’t have to make me promises

Rio: I’m just saying, I know the score, I’m not going to come just to bring the vibe down, I want to have a good time

Buster: And you will, because there’s no pressure

Rio: A party not a pop quiz, I know

Rio: I’ll get you presents at the airport though, town isn’t somewhere I wanna be right now

Buster: Wrong twin, I’m not demanding gifts at the door or that you wear a mask for me, literally or metaphorically

Rio: You know me better than to think I’ll turn up empty-handed

Buster: It’s a swap, you’re the one who’ll have a present waiting

Buster: and you know me, I’ve already bought something, so you can’t refuse

Rio: What do you want, seriously, in return

Rio: You can’t just do all this 

Buster: You’re too late to stop me, it’s done

Rio: But I want to do something nice for you too

Buster: You’ll be dressed nice for me

Rio: 🩰🧁🌷 I remember

Rio: I’m already planning, swear

Buster: Good, we’ll both have no reason not to play nice too 

Buster: a truce, for the weekend

Rio: Oh, so you were gonna be a dick if I looked a mess 😅 Real charming, that

Buster: I’d have to say something, but you’re fine, that’s a hypothetical in no danger of actually taking place

Rio: Too right

Rio: you’ll have to start being nice to me all the time

Buster: Jesus, imagine

Rio: Ha ha

Buster: Have you booked a flight yet?

Rio: [show him the flights you’re currently looking up]

Rio: When should I get there?

Buster: Allow me

Buster: [do and send her the deets because baze would have all kinds of perks for being frequent fliers for work and pleasure so it makes sense you’re not just doing it to be that bitch, although we all know you also are]

Rio: It’s a date then

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Feels like forever since [the last time y’all met up for a fam function which was probably Fearghal’s bday in the summer]

Buster: A lifetime ago in terms of how much has happened

Rio: Seriously

Buster: Aside from Nance, we’re all different people now

Rio: I liked who you were, for the record

Buster: No you didn’t, not since [a time that’s deliberately giving before their truth or dare kiss]

Rio: You try to be unlikeable on purpose

Rio: doesn’t mean it works

Buster: You used to look for the good in people, doesn’t mean it’s there

Rio: Come on

Rio: if anything I have every right now to call the normal good people from the pure evil

Buster: I am who I am, babe

Buster: you don’t have the right to try and change me

Rio: Am I trying? No

Buster: Trying to borrow the rose-tinted glasses you said looked better on me

Rio: Fine, whatever

Rio: I was only playing nice

Buster: Practice makes perfect

Rio: Something like that

Buster: You will be on the night then

Rio: I won’t make you say it

Buster: I’ll say what I want

Rio: It’s your party

Rio: how the saying goes, right?

Buster: Ours

Rio: I keep forgetting

Buster: I’ll keep reminding you

Rio: Does this mean I get to keep my own wishes in December too?

Buster: If anyone is owed double, you are

Rio: I feel bad for how much I’m looking forward to this

Buster: Saying what I’m about to makes it sound like she’s dead, but nevertheless, I don’t think she’d want that

Rio: It’s the others more, they need me

Rio: but I need this

Buster: It wouldn’t be a lie to tell you I need you

Buster: if only for the swap to go ahead

Rio: Say that again

Buster: And so these towels aren’t wasted

Rio: That is unthinkable

Buster: Think about how much I need you, for all the aforementioned reasons

Rio: That’s why I’m coming, no matter how guilty I might feel, I need to

Buster: You have to, or you’d feel even guiltier that I’ve used my wish to blackmail you into attending

Rio: Don’t waste it, I really, really want to

Buster: [not you paying to change her flight so it’s earlier because you really want her to too, send her those new deets]

Rio: You’re spoiling me

Buster: Not yet

Rio: I’d be there now if I could

Buster: You’re not allowed to arrive before your gift does though, then I would have to spoil you with a shopping trip

Rio: You love shopping, we’ve never not had that in common, whoever you’re being at the time

Buster: The guest room’s finished, maybe I’ll go, now that you’ve given your permission for me to buy you more

Rio: Maybe deserve isn’t the right word but

Rio: I like letting you treat me like this

Buster: It’s your birthday

Rio: Yeah, and yours

Buster: And I don’t mind sharing with you

Rio: I’m better company, not that it’s a brag but that’s not my fault

Rio: you’ll take me shopping the day after, for real?

Buster: [list all the fancy shops you’re going to take her to and where for lunch etc like a lil itinerary]

Rio: You’re the best cousin I have

Buster: [show her that it’s in your calendar which means Nancy can see it because the calendars are synced because the opposite of sneaking behind anyone’s back about this, we’re letting the girl know, sucks to suck]

Buster: not a brag either but of course I am

Rio: Say it back, don’t be mean

Buster: You’ve always been my favourite, you know that

Rio: You’re mine

Rio: everyone knows that

Buster: You deserve effort being made for you, to cheer you up

Buster: I want to

Rio: You want to spend time with me too

Buster: Everyone knows that

Rio: I’m yours, all weekend

Buster: I’m not letting you out of my sight all weekend

Rio: I’m not bringing a friend

Buster: Nancy would only back them into a corner, she has no manners

Rio: You must’ve got them all

Buster: I got everything

Rio: I find it hard to disagree from here

Buster: You’ll find it harder in person

Rio: Good

Rio: I missed you, this

Buster: It’s been such a long time

Rio: You’re so far away

Buster: But it’s the shortest flight, I promise

Rio: And you’ll be all there when I am, give me full attention and full you, not the bullshit

Buster: No bullshit

Rio: Promise

Buster: You need this, I haven’t forgotten

Rio: That’s not a promise but okay

Buster: I swear, okay?

Rio: I swear you’re going to have the best birthday now, regardless of the rest, I’ll make it happen for you

Buster: You too, babe

Buster: What do you want me to spit or bleed on?

Rio: The possibilities…

Rio: bleed onto your shirt, I have faith in your family’s dry cleaners to fix that after

Buster: [we all know he’s doing it rn immediately and showing her because promises, can’t be tamed]

Rio: Fuck, alright

Rio: my turn, deals a deal

Buster: Spit, I don’t want you to hurt yourself

Rio: Now I look mean

Rio: kiss it better for me and tell me where

Buster: [absolutely does not need to make a song and dance of showing her this but absolutely is]

Rio: Baby boy 🥺

Buster: Now you love a cliche

Rio: You started it

Buster: You made me promise

Rio: You didn’t have to

Buster: I did

Rio: Well, don’t be grossed out but

Rio: [gotta give him your side of said promise because mutual]

Buster: I can’t change your flight again, I’d be in so much trouble

Rio: I better not get you in trouble whilst I’m trying to be good

Buster: That said, the promise wasn’t that I would be

Buster: [and do change it again just cos]

Rio: 😍

Rio: I can feel the distance becoming less and less

Buster: I’m looking forward to seriously feeling you near me

Rio: I love being in your company

Buster: Enough to reconsider your stance on corners? Because there are so many we could be alone in

Rio: It’s our party, we can be alone as we want

Rio: show me the benefits

Buster: You’ll have a favourite by the time I’ve shown you them all

Rio: I already miss you when I leave

Buster: I could always wish that you’re not allowed to leave

Rio: It’s worth the try, hypothetical doesn’t count as you telling me, it could still work

Buster: Or you try, you didn’t say anything about wishing, don’t and it’ll definitely work

Rio: 🤐

Rio: Wouldn’t that be nice

Buster: We’d both have the best birthday, that’s all I want

Rio: Me too

Rio: well, of things that I can control, can actually happen

Rio: that could

Buster: Is your half term the same as mine?

Buster: [and the dates because there is always one at the end of October - Monday 28 October 2024 to Friday 1 November 2024 for example but we could do it to suit ourselves]

Rio: It is, yeah

Buster: I haven’t booked your return yet, let’s make it happen

Rio: Is it too long though

Buster: It isn’t long enough, but it’s better than the weekend

Rio: I need to think about it, with a clearer head than I am right now

Buster: You’ll be more use to everyone back there once I’ve spent time taking care of you here

Rio: That makes sense, I know it does

Buster: You know I can make you feel better, give me the chance to

Rio: I’ll ask

Rio: if my ma doesn’t just seem like she’s saying yes for an easy life, that she thinks its a good idea too

Buster: It is and she will, I don’t have bad ideas

Rio: You know what I think of it as an idea, I don’t need to say

Buster: What you need to do is go and ask her

Rio: You have no patience, boy

Buster: I’m waiting

Rio: I’m asking

Rio: when she’s [done whatever she is doing because lbr, v fucking busy right now and we aren’t gonna bowl up unannounced like hello mother lol]

Buster: Good girl

Rio: Buster

Buster: Rio

Rio: Still no sympathy, right?

Buster: No, never

Rio: Good

Buster: I told you, you can trust me

Rio: I do

Rio: it just feels like there should be a catch

Buster: The catch is, I can’t actually prevent you from leaving, not yet, you’re still going to have to eventually

Rio: As far as catches go, that one I can handle 

Buster: The rest’s just me trying to catch you before you fall further

Rio: I’m not falling

Buster: You were, but I don’t want to have to handle this bullshit putting more distance between us

Rio: I don’t know if I can be who I was before, that’s all

Rio: she doesn’t make sense anymore

Buster: I’m not asking you to go back, I think you should do the opposite, moving forward is the only thing that ever truly makes sense

Rio: It’d be an easier way to live if what’s waiting for me forward wasn’t so terrifying but I get what you’re saying

Buster: I’ll make it easier then

Rio: Just like that?

Buster: I’ll keep giving you things to look forward to, yeah

Rio: It’s too much to expect, I know that’s not your role

Buster: Don’t underestimate me, babe

Rio: I’m not, I’m just not making you promise

Buster: I’ll show you, there’s a promise and a threat

Rio: I’m not scared

Buster: What are you?

Rio: You want me to say it?

Rio: even though I can’t take it back if I do

Buster: Tell me

Rio: Yours

Rio: that’s how I feel right now

Buster: That’s been a constant for as long as I can remember

Rio: I’ve never said it before

Buster: We didn’t realise how quickly everything can turn to shit before, our priorities were different

Rio: I can’t make everything worse for them

Buster: I know everyone thinks I’m a selfish prick but I’d never encourage you to do that, it’s the last thing I want

Rio: You aren’t that much of a selfish prick

[restnowyourhardshipisover]

Hi! Previous anon, I totoally agree, I hope I didn’t misspeak. (English is not my first language). I definitely don’t think Tommy was redeemed, far from it. I think there is so much he could have and should have done to truly earn redemption. He was on the “right” path in a sense during the final. Because although personally I don’t think he could ever (and should never) earn forgiveness, we could have at least seen him try.

Like I love the finale but I hate that nuke. I wish we could’ve just had Dream and Tommy talking (maybe with Punz there to help backup Dream’s point and showcase to Tommy that even a third part/outside sees him as a problem) where Dream could systematically break down Tommy’s victim complex until he sees how much of a villain he truly is. Would’ve been glorious!

Call me biased but I just wish they had scrapped the nuke idea to instead go down a route where Tommy actually does have to work for forgiveness (again, still love the finale! Just a minor nit pick on my part).

Thank you for responding so kindly and for pointing out Tommy’s often overlooked selfishness, it helped to have someone agree with me, so I’ll probably send more asks in the future ^^

Yes please send more asks!!!!

Yeah if Tommy was actually in a place where he'd change it'd be cool to see that. (and to be fair the world there was a lot of simultaneous apocalypses.)

I wish there had been a little more time at least. A longer moment where Tommy listens without editorializing would have been super interesting.

It's hard for me to imagine it though. Dream is not particularly great at articulating his perspective or being persuasive, and Punz is a bit... abrasive and not likely to give Tommy of all people any more chances.

I don't know. I understand wanting Tommy to actually reflect on his actions and repent but it's hard for me to see it happening and feeling realistic. Tommy is really good with rhetoric and with only hearing what he wants to hear.

I guess it's a matter of character speculation: could Tommy work on himself, could Tommy swallow the bitter pill of reality without spitting it up a new delusion where he is and has always been absolutely in the right? Is Tommy capable of an apology or working towards being better? I've always felt given where things ended it's very hard to say.

The nuke to me is in it's own way the ultimate acknowledgement of Tommy's crimes. That by that point he's crossed the line, the dominos are already falling and his fate is to watch them crash as he realizes what he's done.

I personally love the nuke, but that's admittedly because Tubbo's one of my favorite characters so him actually getting his plot acknowledged is important to me, in the same way that Pandora's Vault (beloved torture box that it is) showing up is a big cheer moment for a lot of people.

Tommy plowed a path by beating down the souls of anyone who ever considered him an ally. And in the end, his victims allayed before him. Tommy forces Tubbo to use the nukes. Jack sabotages the nuke in the belief it might finally free him (and free them all) from Tommy. Dream and Punz weren't a threat to Tommy until he attacked.

And the nukes destroy everyone, destroy everywhere. That is what all of Tommy's quest for comfort, all the ways he tried to force people into his little boxes lead to. He dies in a box he orchestrated, by the choices he made and burns the world. All while the realization that he was wrong is fresh and clear.

[mrsman]

I don’t hate peter I hate how much he hurts me I wish I could make him feel what I feel of being rejected and abandoned so maybe he’d stop doing it to me but he theoretically knows and it’s a waste of time

I’m bidding for attention I won’t even get bc I blocked him on here so what is my issue what’s my damage well if he finds a way around it to see it then why stalk to that degree but not be with me it doesn’t click to me doesn’t make sense it infuriates me I just want to be loved why be so obsessed but not present so I set traps like a child

I am being childish I only consider one guy to be with and legit I don’t even want him I just want to feel validated that it would’ve been a good match and I wasn’t crazy for liking him and it wasn’t okay for those people to shame me for having the feelings that I had I’m so tired of feeling ashamed of my romantic feelings why can’t I love someone in peace why does it always have to be this way so desperate and shameful

Why do I have to carry this burden not only am I “too perfect” for the person I want to be with but he told me I’d be humiliating myself to take him back so I feel humiliated and I expect people to agree but no one does my therapist my friends my family all support me and say it’s okay and I’m brave to want to forgive him and continue but he doesn’t see it that way I guess and I can’t know different he doesn’t tell me different I was too chicken shit to acknowledge anything I felt we spoke about “in the spirit” and he responded in kind and I read rejection

I wanted him to forgo my words and show me some kind of movement some kind of change some kind of desire and he offers me closure instead it was like he twisted everything I said to fit his agenda yet again he wasn’t listening if the reality is that we are so connected and talking to one another then why is he still not listening to me I don’t want to yell and get closure by having you leave again I don’t want this door closed you want it closed stop asking me to close it because when I tried you refused and stuck your foot in the door that was you

You won’t let go now but you’re still not around and every day the space you used to occupy grows wider and gnaws at me it’s supposed to get easier right no it gets harder and more acutely painful more precise cuts in the gut and heart I am struggling so much without you but you don’t want to be here or you’d be here am i wrong about that? I even unblocked your number I don’t know why I prayed and God said it so I did it but that’s it and now what

I’m giving up on giving up I guess I’m just leaving the door open you don’t have to lunge for it or put your foot in it it’s open come whenever you like you have my permission I don’t want to care and try to control anymore but I have to care just not control and I’m struggling this is some of the hardest shit I’ve ever had to do and it irks me that I’m getting no foreseeable reward or relationship it’s like the echos are there like yea yea you love me it’ll work out but who can really say sure God and your dad and Alex and my mom and Susan but I can’t conceptualize it and I’m struggling so much

Everything is so difficult I don’t know how people go from being with their one the one the person made for them and just stop loving them or at least put the love away and move forward how do they do that I can’t figure it out and I don’t want to either I just want to protect myself by understanding at least that I’m not being stubborn I’m just genuinely doing what I’m being told is right and this is right we’re gonna be together right? Right. So I guess I sit and I wait. Yes you have my permission. I don’t want to give it yet unless you’re ready and willing but I won’t know I’ll never know until you speak up so I guess I’ll put down my answer as yes sure. If God says no wait then I’ll come back and take this down or change my answer to not yet.

Until tomorrow then.

3/5

[tamerajedwards]

This is one of my favorite scriptures, and I cling to it! It’s one of my life mottos. We must be kind to ourselves as we walk through life’s challenges one day at at time. I’ve struggled with addictions throughout my life. I think we all have. We need to forgive ourselves if we stumble and fall. For years I had an addiction to food 🥘 and ate on an extra 50 pounds. I developed health problems and became angry as a blamed anyone and anything BUT myself. I lived in the discomfort for over 20 years until my health became bad enough that I got on my knees and prayed God please help me, please deliver from my desire to eat poorly and with no self control. Many of you know I have now lost almost 45 of those pounds. But only with Gods help. Now I am trying to conquer a second addiction. My addiction to coffee ☕️ led me to Starbucks, spending upwards of 150.00 a month on my addiction. I didn’t realize it fed my anxiety that I already had a tendency to live with and escalate it off the charts. I didn’t realize it was my main reason for never getting a good nights sleep every night as I got up at least 2 to 3 times a night to use the bathroom. It’s a diuretic. It is a drug. The other thing coffee has done is add fuel to the fire with my acid reflux. Instead of allowing my body to heal it has left it an acidic state and left me in more frustration. It also contributed to me developing asthma as it left my airways in an inflammatory state. As the saying goes.. everything in moderation. There is a reason for that! But as a person with an addictive personality I don’t know the meaning of slow down, or how about once in awhile? If I love 💕 something, I WANT IT EVERYDAY! But God wants us to be patient, careful, and attentive to our minds and bodies. We are the stewards of the temple where HE lives.

So an UPDATE on conquering a quitting coffee ☕️ cold turkey. I’ve been caffeine free for about a week and the first positive thing happened today. I pretty much slept all night for over 8 hours. That never happens 😊🎉!! This can only help me feel better getting a good nights sleep. My acid reflux is better!

I still have a slight headache, extreme muscle tightness, some muscle twitches, and irritability. But I expect that and it’s ok. There is no success and overcoming without pain and my need for God to help me. I fully acknowledge that. It could take weeks to detox and get through it. Creating a new habit takes at least 30 days.

You may ask me, so is giving up caffeine forever for you? My answer is, time will tell. I gave up coffee to work on healing ❤️‍🩹 my esophagus and LES valve. I am hoping it will move the needle of my moderate to severe asthma over to mild. It’s worth a try. I’m not saying I’ll never have a cup of coffee ☕️ because I’m sure I will. But I just may love how the new me feels without it that I’ll never make it an addiction.

[unpossession]

unholyrite​.

It is with a detached state of calm that Taylor listens.     It is the only way she can listen, for if she lets herself feel her emotions they will boil up and explode. Thankfully, at least in this case, this is a skill she had to learn at a young age. Carried through into her everyday now. All of the hurt and worry and anger shoved down and bottled up until it has to come out somehow. Even if that somehow is an invasion of personal privacy. She remains calm, only the slightest flinch at the mention of Arlo’s name. It feels blasphemous to bring him up, but she knows it must be so.  She stays still, contemplating. After a bout of silence she reaches across the table and places her hand over Willow’s.  “I know what you went through with Ben was tough. I know that you’re hurting, and I know, I get it. I know what it’s like to feel terrible. I empathise with you for that…”     it’s a strong start, but her face is darkened.     “If you want my help, I’ll help you, but I won’t be able to do that if you’re not ready for me to help. I can’t force you to get better, that’s something that has to come from you…” This time, when she pauses, she takes in a strong breath. Like what she is about to say next is something that could easily tip the scales one way or the other.  “I’m going to say this one time, and one time only. I am going to say it now so we can get it out of the way… I have to say it because I know Arlo never will, and I have to say it because I love him more than anything. He would never be able to live with losing you like that. I mean, I couldn’t either but – it would be different for him. If you love him like you say you do, you have to get your shit together. I won’t let you hurt him like that.” 

It’s  fair  that  Taylor  should  say   all  of  this,    but it doesn’t make Willow feel any less frustrated for hearing it. It’s what she’s been trying to say with all of this; she needs help. She’s asking for it. It starts with the apology, acknowledging she isn’t right, the help leads into that -- the way Taylor is talking to her now makes her think that she isn’t being understood at all. 

Her nostrils flare, Willow looks down at her hands with glassy eyes and tries not to get angry about it. She reminds her that Taylor has no reason to believe she wants to change, that she’s asking for help, because she hasn’t explicitly said it. She can’t go skipping steps. She has to suffer through the suspicion and the judgement, she’s earned it all. 

So, she takes it with grace. As much grace as she has, at least. There’s none of the frustration in her voice when she speaks, only a gentle plea.

                  “That’s why I’m telling you this;  I need you to know that I know where I was-- where I was going wrong. I’m not...”          Willow takes a deep breath, exhales hard through her trembling lips.          “While he was in the hospital I -- I made a promise to the universe. On the things that mattered to him. To the things that mattered to him, because I... I didn’t know if I had anything that mattered to me anymore... I promised that I would live if he did. As long as he did. I -- I didn’t make it lightly, you know? I’m not saying I’m-- I’m fixed, but I’m saying-- I plan on keeping that promise. I want help. I’m trying to ask for it. I’m trying to ask my best friend to forgive me, and for her help.” 

[gojoandtojisleftnut]

Toji Fushiguro Oneshot - meeting the parents

Pairings: Toji Fushiguro x female reader

Genre: smut (18+) MDI

A/n & possible tw: not proof read. Fluff, fem reader, she/her pronouns, making out, age gap (15 years), language, fingering, female and male receiving oral, creampie, breeding kink, handjob, praising.

You and Toji have been dating for quite some time now so meeting your parents was eventually bound to happen.

Toji isn’t a fan of the idea but he can never tell you no. “Toji sweetie hurry up please!” you shout running around the house, trying to look your best. This day means a lot to you.

You arrive at your parents house and knock on the door. Your hand intertwined with Toji’s, his other one holding a small duffle bag since you’re staying the night.

“Y/n! My baby!” your mom swings the door open and engulfs you as soon as she sees you. “You must be Toji. It’s a pleasure to meet you” she hugs him “come in come in”. She pushes you both into the house quickly, leading you to the living room where your dad is sat. “Hey daddy” you greet your dad hugging him tightly. The nickname makes your boyfriend freeze. You’ve always been a daddy’s girl and you’re really nervous about his encounter with your boyfriend. Especially because Toji is quite older than you. Your dad looked Toji up and down, scanning him before Toji broke the silence “it’s nice to meet you sir”.

Your dad nods his head taking your partners hand and shaking it.

Your mom joins you three sitting next to your dad while you and Toji sit opposite of them in the couch. His hand on your thigh. You can feel he’s nervous and he can feel your nervousness as well, so when he squeezed your thigh lightly you squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.

Your pops and Toji are sat in the dining room waiting for you and your mom to bring the last plates, while making small talk. Even though it seems awkward you’re at least happy they’re attempting to talk. “He’s really handsome y/n. I hope he treats you well.” “He does mom, he’s great I really love him.”

You bring the plates and stand next to Toji to set his down. He didn’t really pay attention to your outfit today because even though he would never admit it he was extremely nervous. So when you bent a bit to set his plate down, he looked at you and placed his left hand on the back of your bare thighs caressing them, admiring the short coral sundress you’re wearing. His actions make you blush and look at him. He thanks you and you take your seat next to him. What you didn’t know is that your dad saw you guy’s little interaction and replayed it in his head for the rest of the dinner.

Dinner went by pretty smoothly, a bit awkward from your dads side but pretty much smooth. Until- “So ughm-“ your dad clears his throat before continuing “how old are again Toji? I think I missed that part” “I’m 34 sir” “hm.. you know my daughter is barely 20 years old. What can a man 15 years older than her give her that a man closer to her age can’t?” Your dad questions, his irritation clearly visible by his tone. “Dad please. Toji loves me and I love him. Obviously I’m with him because he can provide so much more as a man rather than a boy can.” You intervened as Toji was about to answer. Toji and your mom look at you surprised. Your mom stunned that you actually talked back to your father like that for the first time.

Your father just looks at Toji one last time before excusing himself from the table and bidding you all goodnight. You sigh getting up from your chair offering your mom to help her clean up. “It’s alright baby. I’ll just pop them in the washing machine. You guys go rest. I’ve put clean sheets on your old bed and clean towels for you guys to use. And Toji dear please forgive him. This is new to him” “Thank you ma’am and it’s really no big deal” Toji bows his head to her. You say your good nights and you head upstairs to your childhood bedroom. Ready for Toji to bully the fuck out of you for your old pictures and dolls.

You set the duffel bag on the bed ready to unpack when you hear your boyfriend burst out laughing. Turning to look at him, you see him holding a picture of you in middle school with braces on and crazy frizzy hair. “Hey put that down you idiot! It’s not funny” as you grab the frame from his hands he’s quick to grab you from your waist and bring you close to him, his lips hovering over yours,about to touch. “My little girl was so cute. But now? Now I just want to eat her up and show her once again what a man my age can give her that those stupid little college boys can’t.” His words send chills down your spine “won’t you let me princess?” “I will” he hums at your answer taking the frame out of your hands and shoving his tongue into your mouth.

Your tongues fight each other, his fingers caressing your shoulders slowly pushing the spaghetti straps of your dress down making your dress fall to the floor. “Fuck, no bra baby?” He takes your hand in his big one helping you step out of your dress.

Your mouths connect again, his hands now on your waist guiding you backwards on the bed and laying you down, while yours are locked around his neck.

He pulls away pulling your panties down and spreading your legs apart. Your wet cunt glistering in the small light of your desk lamp. He bends down sitting between them gathering your slick on his fingers making you squirm and spreading it all over your swollen clit slowly. “Please. Don’t tease me.” you breath feeling two of his long fingers enter you. He gives your pussy small kisses before he finally gives it the proper treatment. His tongue working magic on your bud.

Small whimpers leave your mouth as he continues, your hands reach down to tangle themselves in his black locks tugging them slightly when he sucks on your clit “I’m close” his fingers pump in and out of you faster “cum for me baby, c’mon”. His words are enough to make you cum around his fingers.

“Come suck me off pretty” he says and you get on your knees. Taking his belt into your hands to unbuckle it, and pull down his briefs and pants. Your breath hitched at the sight of his thick cock staring back you pre cum leaking from his tip.

You lick him from the base to the top and then spit on it so you can pump him easily.

You take him all into your mouth. He pulls his shirt over his head and grabs a fistful of your hair to push your head even further making you gag. He groans and you feel his thighs twitching “good girl that’s it baby.”

You pull away and he demands you to get on the bed. You spread you legs for him. He grabs them by your thighs and slips right into you, the amount of saliva on his cock making it easy. You both moan at the feeling and he starts thrusting into you. “Ugh baby you’re so tight. Haven’t I fucked you enough to stretch your little pussy out yet?” he words making you go crazy “daddy! Daddy!” You scream as his tip reaches your cervix.

“Tell me baby girl. What do you want.” he huffs “please, please faster. Fuck me faster.” your wish is his command as he starts fucking you even faster if that’s even possible. The word daddy and his name leaving your mouth like a prayer.

His thumb now circles your clit as he continues to ram inside of you. You look down where the two of you are connected. The sight, his thrusts and his fingers are enough to make you squirt all over his dick. The squelching sounds driving him insane making his eyes roll back.

Suddenly there are a few knocks on the door “y/n? Are u okay? I heard you calling me.” It’s your dad at the door.

You look at Toji with wide eyes as his thrusts become sloppier. He now comes closer to you his lips hovering over your. Looking you straight in the eyes a sinister smirk on his face. “Answer him babygirl. Tell him you’re too busy getting fucked like a slut. Tell him he’s not the one you’re calling daddy. Tell him little one. Or maybe should I breed this little pussy. Then I’ll be a real daddy.”

His words make you clench around him and he continues chasing his high.

“N- No d-dad I’m fine it was just a spider. Toji took care of it.” You croak.

Toj’s thrusts stop when he finally bottoms out inside of you filling you up to the brim and falling on top of your body gently.

“Oh okay. Goodnight then.” You dad answers and when you hear the door of our parents room shut you feel like you can finally breath again.

Toji supports him self on his forearms looking down at you, his dick still inside of you. You look up at him cupping his cheek and start making out with him. Your other hand holding on to his huge bicep. Your other hand leaves his cheek and you caress his scar once you pull apart. “That was close huh? If he finds out what was happening he’ll hate me even more” Toji laughs and you hide your face into your palms in embarrassment earning another laugh from your boyfriend.

He pulls out of you and you mewl at the loss. Your hands reaching for his neck to bring him back close to you. “I want more daddy.” you whine looking at him with pleading eyes. He fingers your now puffy cunt pushing his cum back inside “I’ll give you as much as you want baby.”

[ohisms]

↪    𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑺𝑷𝑰𝑫𝑬𝑹𝑾𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑪𝑯𝑹𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪𝑳𝑬𝑺  .    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  the  2008  film  “ spiderwick ” .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .  )

there it is  ...  pretty much how i remember it .

just an observation ,  not a judgement .

what are you expecting your silent protest will get you ?

at least acknowledge this isn’t the way to deal with your anger .

i’m not gonna let you keep acting like a jerk .

you think you know everything .

you’re such a liar !

you’re still coming tomorrow ,  right ?

we don’t need any more holes in the wall .

i don’t know how you did it ,   i just know you did it .  ‘cause you ALWAYS do it .

[ name ] ,  don’t you wanna know where this thing goes ?

wow ,  that’s really  ...  impossible .

it’s late ,  just go to sleep .

wait ,  what did i say ?

i did my best ,  but YOU .  you kept looking and looking .

are you with them ,  or with me ?  whose side are you on ?

[ name ] ?   oh my god ,   oh my god -

i beg your forgiveness .

what do you want with me ?

it’s not what i want with you ,  it’s what i want from you .

i’m placing my trust in you .

if you fail ,  i’m afraid i’ll have to find someone else .

get inside the protective circle !

for the last time ,  there’s no such thing as  [ xyz ] .

now do you believe me ?!

how many of those things are out there ?!

sit tight ,  i’ll be right back .

i’ll be right back ,  keep pressure on that .

what do they want from us ?

oh god .  they’re coming from everywhere .

you don’t think ,  you just DO .

you do stuff ,  and we pay for it .

you ruin everything !

there is so much about this that’s not okay ,  i don’t even know where to start .

you die ,  i die ,  we all die .

they’re not leaving .  they’re never leaving !

we stay here long enough ,  we’re gonna end up like  [ name ] .

if you’re so smart ,  what do you suggest we do with it ?

we’re safe as long as we stay in the house .

okay ,  i think i have this figured out .

you have to get out of there .

it isn’t safe ,  you don’t understand .

one night ,  i dreamt that i saw him in the woods .

that’s what this is all about ?

i told you you wouldn’t believe me .

do you really think i am SO stupid that i don’t see what this is about ?

that isn’t gonna happen .

don’t you think you should just tell him ?

there’s your ride ,  off you go !

destroy it ?  are you mad ?

they won’t let you leave .

not until you tell me what you need to tell me .

you said you had something you needed to say to me .  so ,  what is it ?

look me in the eyes .  and tell me .

i  ...  i just wanted to tell you that i love you .

wrong answer .

[ name ] ,  it’s not your fault .  it’s mine .

i was trying to protect you ,  but i guess i should’ve just told you the truth .

is it okay if i stay here ?  with you ?

who else is gonna protect us ?

i see now .  &  i may never be able to forgive myself .

you came back as you promised .  so i forgive you .

this time ,  take me with you .